Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Faith on November 10, 2017, 06:50:17 AM

Title: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 10, 2017, 06:50:17 AM
First, not sure where to post this so I'll let the mods decide if it needs to be moved.


I'm posting this because I want to have a single thread for discussing how I progress from this point on. Online diary of sorts to share.

At this point: I prefer female presentation however I'm fine presenting male, I do not feel like I'm 'lying' or in a costume, etc. I can be male in the world, at work and such. Being able to shed it at home is enough right now. I guess I'm a 50/50.

Brief summary,
A while back I really hit the crossing point disliking my look, I fought my hair (head as-in managing), body hair, genitals, You guys know the drill. I started tucking (told the wife it was for comfort without details). That evolved into a total unexpected discussion with her about how I feel and the real why .. which led to her helping me find panties, jeans, some shirts/blouses, etc. Comfort ensued for a bit. I am not a dress/skirt person, whether that changes or not doesn't really matter. I covered her responses in other posts, I'll not reiterate.

Next came little things, for daily expression. No need to expound. I have changed my diet (not for 'herbal' feminization) for blood pressure and kidney support. Well, this enhanced what I was already feeling. My wife very much has noticed the change in me the past year culminating to this point. She very much likes the emotional changes and, at the start, struggled with the rest. Last night I was talking (read blabbering) and she just looked at me and said  "I think you want breasts". Well, that opened up a whole new conversation.

I held nothing back. I explained everything that I'm feeling, everything I've learned thus far in regards to transgender and the various stages and how everyone is different in what they are looking for to feel comfortable with themselves. I covered, the best that I could, the effects of HRT and what it would/could do.

Her comments? She told me I should find a forum to read through and get support .. she also said I should get a Dr appointment to discuss it with to see about what treatment to get that best suits me and my health.

I was shocked. We've come so for in a short time I can barely believe it. My loving wife, in no uncertain terms, told me to figure out what HRT process to pursue and we'll deal with the changes as they come.

I never thought I'd describe myself as giddy but that seems to be the best word to use. I'm floating so high at the moment that I'm waiting for the bubble to burst with underlying dread.

I'm sure I've skimmed a bit and glossed over details. It's enough for now.
Thanks to all of you for helping me get to this point, whether you know that you did or not.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 10, 2017, 07:15:33 AM
I am so happy for you that you have your wife's support!  I know just how wonderful that feels.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on November 10, 2017, 07:37:17 AM
 Fantastic! As I see it, that's the definition of true love. My wife is just as cool. We have another new member, Jayne01, who also has an awesome spouse. I seem to be seeing this more often lately.

Congratulations!

Steph
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Toni on November 10, 2017, 08:50:41 AM
That's wonderful!  You'll notice that you can't help but want to tell more people you know how you feel, and if they're good friends and accept you, that reinforces that it's OK not to be afraid and encourages you to move further down the path.  I very specifically noticed that when I had that first opening up to my wife, and she didn't run into the bathroom crying, it was like opening the floodgates and we were off to the races.  It was sort of the one, most important, approval I needed to feel free to find myself.  Don't under estimate for one second the effort your wife is making here.  We're doing well and supporting each other during this change.  It's not just you, but both of you that will experience changes and stresses on the trip.  Nothing is guaranteed as you will be changing continually for quite some time, depending upon how far you choose to go.  You have the best ally you could ask for.  Very happy for you.  Toni
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 10, 2017, 09:13:46 AM
I'm fully aware how lucky I am to have such an understanding wife. And it's not just this. 35 years of me doing stupid 'man' things (not infidelity, I haven't and would never!) and still have her love and support is something that I do not dismiss and am thankful for every day. Now I can bring myself to say it to her instead of just grunting and mumbling :)

I know that we are two sides of this change and that I can't really move forward any further than shes's also ready for as well. She keeps me in check.

she still wants her husband and I have no problem with male presentation (plenty of practice there). I'll never get SRS/GRS/GCS (choose your preferred acronym) but an orchidectomy was discussed along with HRT. We'll see what the Dr has to say.

I'm still dazed and disbelieving right now ..
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 10, 2017, 09:25:03 AM
I am very happy for you. Having a loving and supporting partner is a blessing. Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 10, 2017, 09:44:59 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on November 10, 2017, 09:25:03 AM
I am very happy for you. Having a loving and supporting partner is a blessing. Jayne

Thanks and I agree. I read through your thread as well, I was going to reply but didn't. I couldn't find the right words. Suffice to say, I am glad for you that you are finding happiness.

I still find it amazing how similar peoples stories are and then at the same time so completely different.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 10, 2017, 09:49:49 AM
Quote from: NamelessOne on November 10, 2017, 09:44:59 AM
Thanks and I agree. I read through your thread as well, I was going to reply but didn't. I couldn't find the right words. Suffice to say, I am glad for you that you are finding happiness.
Thank you.

Quote
I still find it amazing how similar peoples stories are and then at the same time so completely different.
I was thinking that exact same thing earlier today.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 14, 2017, 09:31:04 AM
note 1:

We've never had a shared Primary care physician before. My wife's Dr. recently retired and another took over the practice. She really likes him -and- he's adjusted her meds and she already feels better .. that's a big plus in my book.

So, before all my current 'issues' that led me here, I was considering going there (previously only a walk-in clinic).

I now have an appointment in one month. I have my list of things to discuss, last, not least, of which is the hormonal questions. I have no idea if he's comfortable with that but I figured: get a central care for referrals. Referrals help with insurance if I'm lucky enough to have any of it covered (doubtful).

Anyone willing to comment ... Would/Did you find talking to a male Dr harder? I am seriously anxious about taking the step ... dread comes to mind.

-----------

Note 2

My wife is now comfortable with my current stage. Helps me with the little things, nails, shaving, hair, etc. I have not shaved my legs yet although I want to. My hair. That's easy. I've always liked long hair and would go a year w/o a hair cut (my hair grows fast) it is currently shoulder-length with a slight wave/curl. I am letting my bangs grow out.
surprise comment: she mentioned thinking of doing some of this stuff for me but never seriously thought it would happen .. weird. Did I mention that she's one of the most emphathic (empathetic) people that I know? Makes me wonder if she picked up on things that I didn't even know/admit over the years.

-----------

note 3
Weight loss. I am on a kidney-friendy diet (similar to vegan, but not exclusive). My wife went on the same diet (it's easier that way). It's an easy diet to maintain, couple that with more walks and stretches and ... I've lost 23lbs in 3 weeks. My wife lost about the same in body weight percentage. She's ecstatic.

For me I see it as a way to get thin in preparation, hopefully, for hormonal changes to add weight without excess. Hey, one can hope!!

-----------

Final note
Overall I feel lighter (figuratively). I'm much happier and smile more. My wife has noticed that and also that I look years younger (odd that one but I'll take it) I'm making solid slow progress towards a goal I may never reach but enjoying getting there.

Have a beautiful day!  :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 14, 2017, 02:47:56 PM
I am glad it's going well for you.

Quote from: Faith on November 14, 2017, 09:31:04 AMWould/Did you find talking to a male Dr harder?
Yes, I would find it harder to talk to a male doctor.  I am just more comfortable around women.  Always have been.

There is an insane doctor shortage here.  (There are 30,000 people on waiting lists for doctors, out of a population of 950,000.  And that's not counting the people who don't have doctors that aren't even on waiting lists.)  So, if I needed a doctor and a male doctor was willing to take me, I'd accept him, out of desperation.

Luckily, I have a female doctor as a GP, a female doctor to supervise my HRT, and a female gender therapist.  Also my dentist is in an all-female practice.  She freezes my mouth prior to electrolysis around the lips.  My electrologist is female, too.

No, I'm not sexist, but it does make a difference.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 15, 2017, 07:04:21 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 14, 2017, 02:47:56 PM
I am glad it's going well for you.
Yes, I would find it harder to talk to a male doctor.  I am just more comfortable around women.  Always have been ..<snip>.. No, I'm not sexist, but it does make a difference.

I'm with you there. I've always been predisposed to female Dr's. I always felt that they were less judgmental. Which, of course, is not dependent on the gender but on the person. I'll do the first visit and approach it depending on how I feel about him after talking about the 'normal' stuff.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Meghan on November 15, 2017, 08:24:32 AM
My doctor has been treating me for a while now. When I approach him about my transgender he immediately setup for me to talk with my Therapist in the same building, and he requested for my Thyroid activity test which also in the same building. Since my doctor already have all my blood work done prior for my next appointment so next meeting I will begin my HRT.

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 15, 2017, 01:10:23 PM
I was seeing a male Doctor before. When I first started to address my gender issues, I made an appointment with one of the female Doctors in the same building to ask for her help in finding a gender therapist. I was thinking it would be easier to speak to a female. As it happens, the first therapist I saw was male. He had no gender issues experience and was helping me manage my depression while I was on a waiting list to see a gender therapist. I was honest with him from the beginning about my gender questioning and he was great. Although he had no previous experience with this subject, he did his best to research and find information between sessions to help the best he could. I was comfortable speaking with him. My endocrinologist is make and feel very comfortable discussing things with him.

I think it is not so important whether they are male or female but whether they as a person and medical professional make you feel comfortable to be open with them.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: RobynTx on November 15, 2017, 04:00:40 PM
Congrats on the loving and supportive wife.  They are a blessing to say the least.  Mine has been with me at my side through all my changes. A few months ago we discussed re-newing our vows next year when we hit the 20 year mark.  She made a comment about both of us wearing dresses for the occasion.  I have to say my heart skipped a few beats and it left me breathless. I feel so giddy thinking about next year now.

Doctors are a different animal.  I have a male doctor but I haven't seen him since I started my journey.  I had to call his office last week to get some blood work done and I had to explain to them about me being transgender now.  I have to go in for a wellness check soon to update everything.  It will be awkward but I'm not worried.  Everything HRT related I go to Planned Parenthood in Austin.  They have been great in most everything I've asked.  I don't know your location so I don't know if that is an option for you to consider.

I'm happy that everything else has been going good for you.  I wish you a beautiful journey to your true self.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on November 15, 2017, 05:57:07 PM
That's so great!! Sounds like you're on your way. I definitely feel more comfortable with a female doctor, but it really all depends on the doctor - there are a lot of male doctors that are just as if not more understanding about these things than the female ones.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on November 16, 2017, 03:40:29 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 10, 2017, 06:50:17 AM


I was shocked. We've come so for in a short time I can barely believe it. My loving wife, in no uncertain terms, told me to figure out what HRT process to pursue and we'll deal with the changes as they come.

I never thought I'd describe myself as giddy but that seems to be the best word to use. I'm floating so high at the moment that I'm waiting for the bubble to burst with underlying dread.

I'm sure I've skimmed a bit and glossed over details. It's enough for now.
Thanks to all of you for helping me get to this point, whether you know that you did or not.

It was so great to read how this went for you. Great outcome, clearly your wife loves you for you and wants you to be happy. You certainly do have an exciting time ahead of you. I can only applaud your openness with your wife and consider myself one of the lucky few to have like you a very supportive wife.

Hope it works out well for you
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 16, 2017, 03:19:55 PM
thanks all for the comments, it really helps to read them. I like getting responses, I'm horrid and making them. I think all kind of things and never type them. Just know that I'm thinking positive thoughts to everyone here across the internet ethers.

Nothing much new to add today, my trim the fat diet took too much potassium. OWW the leg cramps (we won't mention the other symptoms). Easy enough to fix, just glad the Dr gave me a verbal heads-up when he saw the results of my test rather than waiting for my appointment. I knew what was going on when the symptoms hit.

Oh, one thing ... not sure to be happy or not .. I'm choosing happy?  My wife has been calling me her Hot Chick when I put on my more feminine evening/walking attire. Now, I know how she means it (thus the happy) but I keep thinking of the movie "The Hot Chick" ... ugh .. :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: RobynD on November 16, 2017, 04:41:47 PM
Support of loved ones is invaluable. Congrats
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 18, 2017, 11:39:24 AM
nothing moving forward with regards to physical, Dr's appointment is still a ways off. Mental, I'm still struggling trying to define myself. Maybe I never will.

For exercise, my wife and I have been taking evening walks, mornings as well when we can. This morning we went on a long walk and just talked randomly about whatever came up. Of course, for me, gender issues are top of my head so that came up a lot. She's finding it much easier to talk it though. Interest, not disbelief. She's 100% ok with facial hair removal and says she'll work out the money (she does the books) to go see a local electrologist. The rates seem OK, how good she is remains to be seen. I hope to start that soon.  YAY!

We talked about bottom stuff and how much it bothers me. We discussed how much removal would be OK for her while easing my discomfort. She didn't comment and I didn't press, I'll let her think about that for a while. She is ok with an Orchi. That'll depend on how far I get with the Dr., I need to cross that hormone bridge first.

Speaking of, I have discussed with her the effects of hormones from mild to the extreme (I believe I've mentioned that somewhere) and is not put off by it at all. She just says we'll deal with the changes as they come.

That's all for now except to say, I love my wife :)

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: jill610 on November 18, 2017, 12:28:20 PM
That is an amazingly accepting woman you have there, I wish you the best of luck keeping her at your side if you do move forward! Mine is trying to be accepting and open and o car has overcome a lot, but it's a big nugget to chew for anyone.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 21, 2017, 01:08:45 PM
another small step

We went out Sunday. The only thing mens in my outfit was my boots. I don't have womens boots but black cowboy boots are fairly androgynous I think. I didn't tuck my pants into my boots, I'm not sure I like that style anyways. I had on a nice blouse, not sure what it's called (half sleeves, buttoned at the elbow) and jeans. Nothing that screamed 'girls' but if anyone looked it was obvious.

a future plus

public dinner date in Dec where lots of friends will be.  My wife has her outfit picked out. She laid out something for me that she thought would go with it ... womens clothes :) ... Didn't quite coodinate. We'll be going shopping .. wooo .. really, I can't believe I enjoy shopping so much. We have to be careful, shopping gets expensive.

OH! happy note about Sunday. I was asked by a male friend about diet change and stuff and how I was feeling. He said he could see I was doing much better because the sparkle in my eyes.  I felt good, I still feel good, it was a good day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 21, 2017, 02:19:46 PM
I'm glad you had a nice day out on Sunday and that you are feeling good about yourself.

It is so nice that your wife is so supportive. I don't have the words to describe how fortunate I am to also have a supportive wife. The first time my wife and I went shopping to find some women's clothes for me, I was way too nervous to try anything on. I picked a top off a rack and was wondering how it would look on me but I didn't even have the nerve to just hold it in front of me while looking in a mirror to estimate the size. My wife just grabbed it out of my hand and held it against herself and said that it was a nice top but the size was too small for my shoulders. She didn't even hesitate. We had a really fun day shopping that day. Unfortunately I wasn't ready to dress in women's clothes and subsequently got rid of anything I had, but that is another story. It must have felt really nice for you when your wife laid out some women's clothes for you. Yes, shipping can get expensive, but it's fun! What!?! Did I just say shopping is fun??? Who am I?[emoji16]

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 21, 2017, 03:09:00 PM
we both lost so much weight at this point that that she had to give up her favorite slacks (granted the slacks were a little big in the first place). She put them out and said "try them" .. they fit. I now have hand-me-downs from my wife.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 22, 2017, 07:08:10 AM
Another update. Am I updating too much? I don't know, I just want to share so here I am.

My wife and I were heading to pick up the grandchildren for the weekend (off for thanksgiving) and we decided to mall shop first. Totally agreed upon window shopping only since our budget's really a mess right now.

I did not dress 'girly', just nice slacks, blouse, and my new shoes. I did catch some odd glances though so some people noticed. I didn't care, I felt good.

We managed to walk the whole mall checking things out, comparing things, generally just enjoying the evening. We found that our tastes run very similar even though our body styles don't match and some stuff we like would only work on one of us or the other.

Just before we left the conversation went back to a pair of boots that I tried on. Now, my black western boots are the highest heels I've ever worn and truthfully figured I wouldn't want anything higher (I'm 5'10"ish) so it was a real surprise to me how much I liked them. And, to top it off, they're pointy toed. Well, we bought them .. so much for the budget :D . The cashier was a girl I new for a previous job that she'd had. As she was ringing it up she asked the wife if she was wearing them out. Well, her eyes widened a little when I said that I was ... she took it in stride :) and I clomped out :( :P

Here's a picture for posterity:

(https://i.imgur.com/BcLlzVw.jpg)

Now to learn to walk without clomping
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on November 22, 2017, 08:32:02 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 22, 2017, 07:08:10 AM
Another update. Am I updating too much? I don't know, I just want to share so here I am.

Faith, don't ever censor yourself here. Heck, you've seen my thread, and know that I don't hold back. Those who are interested are most welcome to visit and comment (I've made some cool friends that way), and those who aren't interested aren't being forced to read it. Keep it going! I'll keep coming back.

QuoteAs she was ringing it up she asked the wife if she was wearing them out. Well, her eyes widened a little when I said that I was ... she took it in stride :) and I clomped out :( :P

Sounds like an awesome day out with the person you love. And it sounds like she's got good fashion sense. I loves my wifey to pieces, but when it comes to fashion, makeup, etc., she's completely clueless. I've been having to learn that stuff on my own and with the help of other friends. The good news is I kinda have a feel for it already, and I also have no lack of friends who want to give me advice. Too much, sometimes, but I love the fact that they want to help.

And those boots! Awesome, and good on you for wearing them out!

Those boots were made for clompin'!

Steph
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 22, 2017, 09:41:36 AM
Thanks Steph, I really didn't think that I'd post much but, once I started, it all seems to want to come out. You're way ahead of me in this even though we're close to the same age. I appreciate your viewpoints.


Love my boots .. love my wife more. Choking up just thinking about how supportive that she has been.

tiny 'aha' moment to mention. We were folding and putting clothes away when I stopped and looked at my drawer. I called my wife aside, pointed and asked "What do you see?"  She goes, "I see a girls drawer". The only thing in it for a man was two pair of socks for doing yard work.  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 22, 2017, 03:09:09 PM
Hi Faith. Don't feel like you are posting too much. Like Steph said, nobody is being forced to read and those who do read your posts are doing so because they want to. I subscribe to your thread also and read everything you write. I don't always have something to say so I may not respond, but rest assured I do read it with great interest.

It's really cool that some of your wife's clothes also fit you and that you can go shopping together and have so much fun. And way to go with your wardrobe transforming into a girl's one. I am still stalled at a single girls pyjama and a necklace for my wardrobe. I did once have girl jeans, a top, a small handbag and a pair of women's boots that my wife helped me pick out, but they have long since been purged during one of my many previous meltdowns. I miss having these clothes now, although it's almost summer here and it would be too hot to wear them.

Reading your story and Steph's gives me a real boost. So keep the updates coming girl!

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 22, 2017, 04:45:46 PM
I won't stop updating. When something happens then I need to share somewhere. I'm not 'out' to anyone but my wife and she already knows what transpired.  'Out' will happen in stages, as I change and (hopefully) my body changes then I'll answer anyone brave enough to ask  ;D

Her clothes only fit when they were too big for her in the first place.

I have a couple pair of guy jeans buried in one drawer. I don't wear them. I may start wearing my girls comfy shoes to work. The tennis shoes that I wear make my feet sweat too much. Jammies were the first thing the wife and I bought together. I love sleeping in them. Odd since for years I slept in underwear only. I have a clutch on the way to replace my wallet. I hate having a wallet in my pocket so I've been carrying it for years already. Time to do it right.

I don't have any jewelry. I brought up earrings .. that'll be a hard sell. It's very low on the list of things so I won't press that one. I've wanted them pierced from before I even admitted anything to myself, just couldn't get the nerve up. So it can wait longer.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 22, 2017, 05:42:47 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 22, 2017, 04:45:46 PM
Jammies were the first thing the wife and I bought together. I love sleeping in them. Odd since for years I slept in underwear only.
I'm the same. Underwear only and if it was cold in winter then I would find an old comfy tshirt to wear. I now love my pj's.

Quote
I don't have any jewelry. I brought up earrings .. that'll be a hard sell. It's very low on the list of things so I won't press that one. I've wanted them pierced from before I even admitted anything to myself, just couldn't get the nerve up. So it can wait longer.
Since the beginning of time I wouldn't wear any jewellery. I used to hike that my only jewellery was my watch. About 18 months ago I said to my wife that I wouldn't mind a necklace with a pendant. She loves Pandora jewellery so we went into one of their stores together and bought a chain and found a nice charm to hang as a pendant. When we got home, my wife went through her bracelet charms and found the letter charms of the initials of our names. She kept my initial for herself and gave me her initial to hang on my chain. I wore it on and off for a while as I was learning to accept myself but now I wear it every day and I love it.

I also mentioned getting my ears pierced once. I don't want to push her too much. We are going on a holiday in late January and am hoping to get my ears pierced before we go, but if I don't then that's ok. I have other priorities.

You and I seem very much alike in the way our transition is progressing and also the way our wives are accepting who we are.

Keep the posts coming. I enjoy reading them. I also update my thread whenever I feel like saying something. It is like a diary for me which other people can interact with if they chose.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on November 22, 2017, 10:30:28 PM
Hi Faith

I'm Laurie. I don't remember sharing with you previously. You may have with me but to be honest My memory hasn't been working all that well recently. So just in case let me say Welcome to Susan's Place. ((Hug)) I see that you have already come in and have been here for awhile. I just read your thread and it is a story of love, excitement, tentativeness, and hope. You seem like a positive type of person and that will serve you well. I look forward to reading more from you.
  You caught my eye in Steph(anie's thread with a recent post in which you said you like reading her stories and those of others here and you couldn't see you getting to the point of those you read that are a little ahead of you now. Others have told you in that thread not to sell yourself short and so have I. In a shameless plug for my own post to you I'll make it easy for you to find it.

Laurie's Post (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,228563.msg2052779.html#msg2052779)

  With that I'll give you a ((Hug)) and one for you to give your wife ((Hug)) and leave you be.

Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 23, 2017, 04:54:41 AM
Thanks for the kind welcome., Laurie. I've read your replies to others, they always stand out for they're positive reinforcement. I do feel welcome here. I am a mash of conflicting thoughts and emotions right now, still mostly positive. And, yes, excited :). As for how well I'll progress, I am keeping my hopes down and desires high. It works for me, at least so far.  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 25, 2017, 02:27:55 AM
I stated this in another thread, I wanted to comment here as part of my progression.

I finally shaved my legs. I have never shaved my legs, ever, it feels great. When I told my wife all she did was laugh and say, "I am not surprised".

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 26, 2017, 07:53:35 AM
nothing progressively new. I picked up (I should say we, the Wife and I) a couple 'new' tops. She didn't get any for herself but she did say that i have to let her borrow mine. no problem there  ;D

I've dressed mostly feminine this weekend. I don't think my grandson noticed at all. My granddaughter did (older one). she saw me in my sports bra as well, after a walk. Yes, I know, I said I hate bras, I still do. The problem is sensitive nipples. I don't know why. If I wear just a shirt, some of them move too much and it's distractingly irritating. So, a sports bra with thin pad to avoid it depending on the shirt/top.

Anyway, my granddaughter noticed and mentioned it to my wife out of my hearing (so she thought, I heard her from the other end of the house). No problem, just told her why.  I did ask her about it later and told her that any time she wanted to say or ask anything that she could just ask me. I will not be offended, hurt, or embarrassed. I prefer open comments and she should feel free to speak up.

It's a good first step with her. Speaking of, it led to showing her the boots. Her feet are almost as big as mine and I told her that anytime she needed to dress up, she could borrow the boots. She tried them on and made the 'I'm going to take them home' gesture. Nope, BORROW!  :)

side note, ladies, on foot size. She is much shorter than me with almost the same size feet. So, try not to fret over it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 26, 2017, 08:03:52 AM
oh, I forgot to add. My daughter got my wife to put on fake nails (her nails are bad). She decided that she likes them. I had to help her re-apply them. Her work habits aren't conducive to keeping them on, she'll figure it out. She commented about getting all girly, I told her that we can get girly together ... I think I'm a bad influence.

That was this morning, I've had a great start to my day
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Devlyn on November 26, 2017, 08:23:35 AM
Love the boots! I remember that first leg shaving, what magic that was.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 26, 2017, 08:41:35 AM
It must feel very validating when your wife says that she wants to borrow your clothes.

It feels really good the first time you shave your legs. The way clothes feel against your skin, or how a light breeze feels different.  Wait until the first time you feel cold and get goose bumps. It's like you can feel the hair growing back. But it's all good, I can't imagine letting it grow back again, and thankfully the HRT has considerably slowed down the growth.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 28, 2017, 05:51:34 AM
I started this day sick. Blah, I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I had to stay home from work, no way I could go in and subject others to my misery. That's the only thing that's got me down today.

Lots of Dr. runs yesterday, nothing do do with gender issues. The main thing was .. My kidneys are improving!. There's a scale of 0-100, at 15 you're on dialysis. I started a 32, bumped up to 38. Yesterdays evaluation has me at 52. Blood pressure has been hitting the normal range for the past couple weeks. For perspective, I've run about 145/104 with meds most days. Now I test 119/78 at home. At the Dr, with the normal stress that goes with it, I still read a perfect 120/80. I've lost about 25lbs in the past few weeks.

To cap things off, wife and I went window-shopping after the DRs. Yes. Really. Just window shopping. We did pretty good until the jewelery section. As we checked out with just a back brush (ours broke, oops) my Wife puts two necklaces down on the register. Matching necklaces with interlocking rings. The caption on the package states, "Forever Linked, Forever Loved."

I haven't worn my wedding band in years due to some nodules on my knuckles (not arthritis). This is a very simple way to make up for that .. I love it. I put it on immediately after my shower and haven't taken it off. We have a future plan of getting wedding band tattoos since physical rings are out of the question.

Yes, despite feeling sick, I feel good.  :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 28, 2017, 06:08:22 AM
I always forget something, there's so much going on in my head right now.

My forum name, chosen with the help of Devlyn (thanks, girl!  :-* ). We ended up with Faith. I figured I'd use a variation of Faith Nicole, thinking Faith by itself would be taken.

Anyway, long story short, my wife peeks over my shoulder when I'm reading the forum (I hide nothing anymore) and sees the name. She asked, "Is that you?" and then sees the profile pic from faceapp (I showed her that before). Her comments? 1) she said that is very close to what I used to look like years ago. She said she went through old pictures to compare. 2) She told me that one of the names she had set aside for one of our children was .. wait for it .. Faith Nicole.

I had no idea. Maybe somewhere in years past I'd heard her mention it and it was buried in my brain matter waiting for the right time. Thanks to Devlyn it's made it into the world.

So not only did I pick a name with meaning to her as well, I also learned that's shes looking things up on her own in support of what I'm going through.

I love my Wife, I don't think I deserve her.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 28, 2017, 06:10:25 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 28, 2017, 05:51:34 AM
I started this day sick. Blah, I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I had to stay home from work, no way I could go in and subject others to my misery. That's the only thing that's got me down today.
That's a bummer. I hope you feel better soon.

I am happy you received good news from your Dr about your health.

Quote
Wife puts two necklaces down on the register. Matching necklaces with interlocking rings. The caption on the package states, "Forever Linked, Forever Loved."
What a lovely gesture. Your wife sounds pretty awesome.

Get well soon.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on November 28, 2017, 08:25:22 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 28, 2017, 06:08:22 AM
So not only did I pick a name with meaning to her as well, I also learned that's shes looking things up on her own in support of what I'm going through.

I love my Wife, I don't think I deserve her.

Cool story, Ms. Faith! And don't ever think you're undeserving. Don't forget that it's a two way street, and she picked you, too. You got the spouse you deserve. Any who stick with us have earned all our love and respect, but we don't have to devalue ourselves to do that.

Steph
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 28, 2017, 10:46:29 AM
Faith, thank you for providing me with today's tears of happiness.  Lovely stories!  You and your wife deserve each other.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Angela49 on November 28, 2017, 11:01:41 AM
I also remember my first leg shave and how wonderful it was BUT the first pedicure is soooo much better!
Definitely put that on your short list
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on November 28, 2017, 11:19:50 AM
Quote from: Angela49 on November 28, 2017, 11:01:41 AM
I also remember my first leg shave and how wonderful it was BUT the first pedicure is soooo much better!
Definitely put that on your short list

I LOVED my first pedicure... need to get me another sometime. I just wish the bottoms of my feet weren't so ticklish, I really don't want to accidentally kick anyone in the face.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 28, 2017, 12:12:14 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 28, 2017, 08:25:22 AM
Cool story, Ms. Faith! And don't ever think you're undeserving. Don't forget that it's a two way street, and she picked you, too. You got the spouse you deserve. Any who stick with us have earned all our love and respect, but we don't have to devalue ourselves to do that. Steph

Thanks for that, it's so true. I wasn't being literal though, this time :). I do tend to be self-degradative.

Quote from: Angela49 on November 28, 2017, 11:01:41 AM
I also remember my first leg shave and how wonderful it was BUT the first pedicure is soooo much better!
Definitely put that on your short list

oh it is. We have a future spa day planned together. As much pampering treatment as we can afford. We're saving the pennies.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 28, 2017, 12:17:54 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 28, 2017, 10:46:29 AM
Faith, thank you for providing me with today's tears of happiness.  Lovely stories!  You and your wife deserve each other.
After the help I've received here, directly and indirectly, I'm glad I could give a little back.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Devlyn on November 28, 2017, 12:30:39 PM
Big hug! You two are doing it right.

I read your posts in the SO section, you're giving fantastic advice there. No worries on giving back to the community, you're doing it in spades.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on November 28, 2017, 06:30:15 PM
Hi Faith,

  Just read your recent updates and like everyone else it touched my heart to read how both of you are working together to work this out. (((HUG))) for both of you.

Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on November 28, 2017, 07:03:44 PM
Faith, I love that name.

You are so lucky to have an accepting and encouraging wife. Never let her go and get her flowers just because. I am so happy for you that you have a special someone that loves you for who you are.

You look so young and you are not on HRT yet, just wait. One thing hrt did along with acceptance and the feeling of being more and more congruent with every step I took was I wanted to take more steps. HRT is a slippery slope.

HRT, I walk in a park in the weekends. The first time I walked passed the dam (about 2 foot high but 200 foot long). I heard something familiar. As I kept walking the noise became louder and something I could not quite put my finger on. Then as I was parallel with the dam the noise was exactly what I heard all my life from puberty till age 50. It was a continuous drone of water. That was what I had in my head until I took HRT. It took me 6 months to get use to the silence.

Can you share your diet and exercise?   
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 29, 2017, 07:29:42 AM
Quote from: Rachel on November 28, 2017, 07:03:44 PM
Faith, I love that name.

You are so lucky to have an accepting and encouraging wife. Never let her go and get her flowers just because. I am so happy for you that you have a special someone that loves you for who you are.

You look so young and you are not on HRT yet, just wait. One thing hrt did along with acceptance and the feeling of being more and more congruent with every step I took was I wanted to take more steps. HRT is a slippery slope.

HRT, I walk in a park in the weekends. The first time I walked passed the dam (about 2 foot high but 200 foot long). I heard something familiar. As I kept walking the noise became louder and something I could not quite put my finger on. Then as I was parallel with the dam the noise was exactly what I heard all my life from puberty till age 50. It was a continuous drone of water. That was what I had in my head until I took HRT. It took me 6 months to get use to the silence.

Can you share your diet and exercise?

young? don't let that avatar fool you .. I'm 57 :) That avatar is a past dream, I'll never look like that no matter when magic I use.

Diet? nothing special. here's the typical daily:
Morning:
- One cup of real coffee, minimal sugar/creamer
- Metamucil wafers .. well, because ;D
- One banana (I hate bananas, it's for the potassium)
Mid-morning:
- One large glass of Soy Milk (light vanilla) with chocolate soy powder mixed in (because I like chocolate)
- Once cup of Hot Spearmint tea, if I'm cold (can't drink too much due to kidney function)
Lunch:
- One large salad, mixture of lettuce, cabbage, peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, ground flax seed. Newman's own dressing (Olive oil and Vinegar, I remove some of the olive oil before shaking - there's too much for me)
Dinner
- one of these as a small portion meal depending on craving; typically with green beans & potato variation:
-- veggie burger, fried in Olive oil (from the salad dressing :) ) I don't have the brand, they're pretty good though.
-- chicken, not fried
-- turkey, I prefer chicken
-- absolutely NO red meats or pork ... and I hate fish. I do NOT snack on chips and crap any more. 5-6 blue tortilla chips does well to settle the chip craving - and they go well with the veggie-burger. Seasoned air-popped popcorn is good for a switch-up - no butter stuff!!
-- sometimes just another salad. No need to eat other crap if you don't feel like it.
I pick brands based on lowest sodium; lowest calorie; lowest phosphor-based (kidneys). If the flavor sucks, I try another brand. You have to like the taste or you won't stick with it.
Evenings:
NOPE, I don't eat in the evenings. I'll make up a late dinner sometimes because you shouldn't starve yourself.

Exercise (simple, I walk a lot):
Weekday:
-I try to get 5000+ steps in at work (I sit a lot so I need it). Typically, I hit near 4000
- Another 5000+ after I get home. It generally takes about 45 minutes to get 5000+ steps.
Weekends:
- similar, except I try to get a bit more in. Average is 1 hour in the morning and one hour in the evening to get slightly more steps in than the weekdays.
None of that power-walk silliness. I walk slow or fast depending on my mood. I don't jog, it's hard on the knees. I don't run, hard on knees and ankles.

Daily stretches. Low impact.
- Leg lifts, two variations, one for abdomen, one for hips.
- side planks (harder than you think)
- butterfly stretch (couple variations, yoga stuff)
- split stretches. Nope, I can't do full splits, never will. I do it to limber up. It's helping.
After the stretches you should be breathing slightly heavy. You may or may not break a sweat.

That's it. Not much to it. The big key .. burn more calories than you take in. That is true for most weight-loss diets.
I do not feel starved, I don't feel weak or wobbly. If you feel wobbly, EAT. It's not good for you.

If you happen to feel like snacking, try cauliflower or broccoli. If that settles it, then you're not really hungry, you're just boredom snacking .. stop it!  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on November 29, 2017, 08:10:13 PM
Awesome, thank you for sharing your diet.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 30, 2017, 06:16:22 AM
Quote from: Rachel on November 29, 2017, 08:10:13 PM
Awesome, thank you for sharing your diet.

no problem. I glossed some specifics. Feel free to ask for more if you need it.

Oh, and thank you for the compliment on the name. It really is settling in on me. One, for being named here on the forum and two, for having a real connection with my wife. It was meant to be  :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 02, 2017, 08:46:37 PM
Well, I just got home from an evening out with my wife, one daughter, grandson, and one granddaughter.

I did not wear make-up. I was in a very feminine blouse, shoulder purse, nice felt slacks, and black open-toed flats with my pick toenails out for all the world to see.

I was happy, no obvious stares or comments, very comfortable all around .. until my feet got tired, then I got grumpy  ;D

all in all, a very good evening. I meant to get a photo with the wife to share, I forgot .. sorry
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 02, 2017, 08:57:40 PM
  I am sure just being able to be out with them was a joy.

Tired feet can make anyone unhappy. But I haven't given you permission to use one of my nicknames.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 03, 2017, 07:37:32 AM
Quote from: Laurie on December 02, 2017, 08:57:40 PM
  I am sure just being able to be out with them was a joy.

Tired feet can make anyone unhappy. But I haven't given you permission to use one of my nicknames.

Hugs,
   Laurie

which one? Grumpy? how about; Grumpie, Grumpette, Grumps, Grumpsie ... hmm. It's not easy finding variations :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on December 03, 2017, 11:50:20 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 03, 2017, 07:37:32 AM
which one? Grumpy? how about; Grumpie, Grumpette, Grumps, Grumpsie ... hmm. It's not easy finding variations :)

Grumpster, Grumparoonie, Grump-O, The Grumpinator...

Which is all reminding me of that silly character from 90s SNL...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 03, 2017, 12:46:23 PM
Yes Faith, Grumpy is me. Meanrotten old broad is also me ( it used to be "old fart" but I had to change it) and therefore reserved also.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 05, 2017, 09:08:50 AM
Progress? ... No Progress :(

I'm seriously feeling down today. Everything takes time and my impatience is kicking in.

Weight loss is slow, steady but slow, now. These next 20lbs or so are going to take for-eh-ver.
Shrinkage, just my butt. Tucking got me less dysphoric about size, unfortunately now when it creeps out, I creep out. Flat doesn't happen, I'm stuck with a puffy lump, not to mention I can feel it there .. arrgghh.

I hate my looks, I can barely look in the mirror right now. My wife tries to support with compliments. Which would be fine since, yes ignoring modesty, I am a good looking GUY. I would be happy with androgynous at this point and even that is unlikely.

I'm at work, can barely work, all I want to do is go home and crawl into bed.

Yes, I know others have it much worse than I do, I have the utmost respect for those of you who have persevered through greater hardships. I've read the stories and count my blessings. Today is not one of those days.

I'm ready to hit delete on this post, I am hitting post instead. I told myself when I signed up that when I feel something one way or another post it and get it out, don't hold it in. So, here you go .. an emotional (for me) dump post.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 05, 2017, 09:27:19 AM
Hey there Faith! I'm sorry you are having a down day. Just remember it's only temporary and the feelings will pass. Dump as much as you need to. We are listening and here to support you.

As far as your looks are concerned, I have only seen your profile picture. Seeing that photo I would never consider you male. You look female to me and soooooooo much younger than what your age is shown as in your profile.

I can relate to the impatience. Hang in there, before you know it you will be looking back wondering how the time passed so quickly.

I agree with not deleting your post. This is your thread and it is how you are feeling now. It's a valid post. Keep dumping, we are here for you.

(PS: I just got home from a nightshift and can barely keep my eyes open, so I will be here for you after I wake up and become more conscious.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 05, 2017, 09:41:32 AM
 Hi Faith,

  Some days are hard and some are harder. But there are good days and good hours and sometimes there are only good minutes. The hard days can seem overwhelming. Believe me I, and everyone here, know it can be hard as hell. Some days we can only hang on and see what the morrow will bring. We persevere and hang on for that next "good time". It's all we can do. Try to keep from sinking too low and look up searching for that next uplifting moment that will once again brighten our spirits. It will come, you know it is coming. Lift your eyes and look for it. It's out there. Borrow it from others, share their joy, they won't mind they are happy to share. And when you are in that better place you can share your joy with someone else. Have Faith in it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on December 05, 2017, 09:50:39 AM
Yeah, after taking all the time to type something out, don't ever just delete it. It's your thread, and your right to dump, and we want to help anyway.

So sorry you're feeling blue, but as Jayne says, it's a temporary thing - but you know that. Do your usual good job at work, and keep on keepin' on.

Steph
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 05, 2017, 10:52:52 AM
Sorry you are having a hard day.  I think we can all relate to impatience.  Hang in there.  Even if there is little we can do to help, at least we all understand.

Here's a suggestion for tucking: firm control briefs.  They are more comfortable than a gaff and produce good results.  I find that, with shrinkage from HRT, I worry less about how things look down there.  But when I feel that the bulge shows too much, the firm control briefs take care of it, even under tight jeans.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 05, 2017, 11:50:08 AM
Thanks for chiming in and, logically, I agree but my head doesn't. I just can't seem to break the mood and feeling. Right now, I feel like getting home, putting on boy clothes, and just stomp around. I would say sulk, maybe grumble like a bear? Nope, I can't describe it. The more I think the more my thoughts go in circles and get all jumbled up.

Maybe I'll shake it when I get home, the wife is off today and there waiting for me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on December 05, 2017, 12:05:12 PM
I'm right there with you Faith. I'm feeling pretty miserable today myself.
Here's hoping we both can get through the day & feel better by the end.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on December 05, 2017, 12:19:53 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 05, 2017, 11:50:08 AM
Thanks for chiming in and, logically, I agree but my head doesn't. I just can't seem to break the mood and feeling. Right now, I feel like getting home, putting on boy clothes, and just stomp around. I would say sulk, maybe grumble like a bear? Nope, I can't describe it. The more I think the more my thoughts go in circles and get all jumbled up.

Maybe I'll shake it when I get home, the wife is off today and there waiting for me.

I get it, Faith. I have definitely been there. I call it getting a case of the "yeahbuts." No matter what anyone says, and how much sense it makes, I always say, "Yeah, but..." and have a reason to keep letting myself feel miserable. I'm beginning to think that it's a necessary part of the process. I know that it's dumb, and it's frustrating for both me and the people trying to help... but it is what it is. Just have to plow through it.

Take care,

Steph
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 06, 2017, 06:28:04 AM
Ahh, today is a new day, I'm feeling better. I was bummed last night, got home all ready to sulk and hide ... company. The grandbaby (1yr+) was there along with the son-in-law. No crash and burn for me. The Grandbaby attacked me and wouldn't let me go. Leave it to the cuties to break a funk.

On to evening, I got together with some acquaintances (and a few friends) to jam a bit. I haven't played in a while. It was a good night.

I'm looking forward to some primping time tonight. Nice shower and play with my new epilator. I did one test run. Ouch, but not as bad as I expected. Now to learn to use it correctly. (ps, did a chin test .. not going there, nope, no way. If there's to be that kind of pain it can wait for a proper ZAP-n-Death.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 07, 2017, 05:53:04 AM
Good Morning <insert-bored-persons-name-that's-actually-reading-this>, I feel good this morning, everything seems right (wrong, but right, weird huh?) with the world.

Quiet night last night with the wife. We watched a Christmas movie together .. shared tears. CRAP. And this'll get worse on HRT? I was never one for showing how I feel. Lots to get used to.

We put some glitter tips on my pink toes. It really sets them off. I almost tipped my fingers. I couldn't quite do it due to work. I didn't want to deal with the questions. I will do them Friday night, see if the weekend gives me the nerve to leave them that way.

Before the wife got home, I did my exercises early and showered. Out came the epilator. OWWW. I hope it gets easier. I had to clean the bathroom, it looked like my dogs (and cat) got in there and shed weeks worth of fur. On the plus side, I now have a very smooth chest and abdomen .. woooo.  ;D

OH! .. my eyelashes are getting longer. It now looks like I actually have some ... the magic of brush on drugs. Miracle-grow for eyelashes ;D ... too bad it's not permanent, I think I can handle the routine though. It really doesn't cost that much when you factor in how long the bottle lasts.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 07, 2017, 12:39:27 PM
 I am glad you are feeling better Faith. What is this miracle grow you speak of? This question is brought to you from one that has to use mascara just to make their lashes visible at all. I also have to use brow pencil so my brows don't look too weird with my wig. I am a blond, so blond you can't see the grey you know has to be there.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 07, 2017, 04:51:24 PM
Quote from: Laurie on December 07, 2017, 12:39:27 PM.... What is this miracle grow you speak of? ....

I'm trying "Flash Eyelash Serum" as mentioned here in the forums somewhere. There are others. I opted to try the most recommended .. also has the highest price  :o On the plus side, it goes on thin, a little goes a long way. There is no question that my lashes are thicker and longer in just 2 weeks of nightly use.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 07, 2017, 04:53:39 PM
 Interesting.  Thank you Faith.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 09, 2017, 12:59:08 PM
went for some blood work today all dolled up, full waiting room. There is no question that people watched me walk in and out. No faces made and no obvious expressions that I could read at all. I have no idea what they were thinking and .. I don't care :)  Very pleasant small talk with the ?nurse? Sorry, I have no idea what the proper title is for the people that work there.

My fingernails were obvious, silver/violet sparkle-tipped with shiny clear. My sis-in-law calls them ?nibblets?. Speaking of, pretty sure she knows but we didn't actually say it out loud. I'm counting her as my first 'out'. I plan om speaking to her tonight and making it official.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 09, 2017, 01:32:42 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 09, 2017, 12:59:08 PMSpeaking of, pretty sure she knows but we didn't actually say it out loud. I'm counting her as my first 'out'. I plan om speaking to her tonight and making it official.
Good luck, Faith!   You've got this!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 09, 2017, 05:37:38 PM
 Hi Faith,

  It sounds like you may have found a good ally. One that may be a good resource for you once you do make the big reveal. btw that's a good thing.
  I know all about those full waiting rooms. The VA has lots of them. It is kind of funny. When I go for my therapy or pill pusher nurse appointments I almost never take a seat because there is usually a fair amount of people there. So I stand off to the side to wait. It is the only place I let it bother me. Why I really don't know. It isn't like I am hiding. Anyway I'm glad to see you didn't have any problem with it yourself. Good going, girl.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 10, 2017, 01:06:56 PM
Hey all, I tail-spinned yesterday. We went shopping with the wife and grandchildren. The grandson needed new frames for his glasses. Those big mirrors kept staring at me and that dude in the glass kept laughing at and ridiculing me. I can handle most things but when mirrors start doing that I'm a goner. I sank lower and lower. I ended up in bed by 7:30 and didn't move until 6am this morning.

I went for a long walk, almost, it was freezing. I hurried back to the house but still couldn't shake it. I ended up in the corner of the dining room sitting on the floor hiding.

It was 10am by the time my wife found me. She was upset, I was upset. I hate making her upset. She even said that maybe she wasn't the right life-partner for me .. ACK!!  that woke me up. No way I could make it at all without her. I made it clear that I love her and that she is exactly what I need. It's me, not her, causing all this turmoil.

this afternoon, feeling much better. I don't know if crisis averted or just side-stepped but for now, I'll take it.




long story short - no phone call last night, I was sleeping.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 10, 2017, 01:53:37 PM
Oh Faith, I am so sorry you had that experience. We are our own worst critics. I have been where you are and totally understand. I have put my wife through he same torment you have described. Seeing you happy is what will make her happy. Don't be so hard on yourself. You look amazing! I'm still not convinced your avatar is actually you. If it is you, then there is a mistake with your profile because that profile is for an older lady. Please be kind to yourself.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 10, 2017, 02:46:30 PM
the avatar is me, via faceapp  ... the 'young' filter. I'll never look like that, however, the wife said it did look like some of my younger photos. I am definitely much older than that and show it. Someday I'll post a current me pic. That hair is all mine though. The photo doesn't do it justice, my hair actually looks better than that. It's the one thing that I have going for me.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 10, 2017, 03:34:53 PM
Hi Faith,

  I'm sorry you had such a hard time yesterday and today. I know that desire to curl up in a corner and cry. I just posted about it last night in my thread and have told several friends about feeling like that. That feeling hit me  several times yesterday and many times in recent days past. I have yet to allow myself to actually do it ( some of that old macho BS still here) but I sure have wanted to. Instead I sit here and let the silent tears run down my cheeks. (((HUG))) for you Faith. Hang in there.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 10, 2017, 04:16:36 PM
I can't get the tears to come out. Sometimes I think it'd be better if they did and flush it out of my system. There's still to much 'man' in me to just let it out. Learning to accept what I'll never be has to be one of my steps.

Laurie, The 'old' me would tell you that you look like you have so much going for you that I don't understand how you could have moments like that .. the new me understands all too well now.  We all need a central location where we can just have a huge hug-fest .. another thing I've never been good at, hugs, I feel the urge, and do, much more often now. That's a plus.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 10, 2017, 04:54:14 PM
OMG Faith!!! I have heard of faceapp but had no idea what it did. I just downloaded it and used the young filter on myself and I saw a younger me. I played with some of the other filters. I used the Hollywood filter and realised that I am not a bad looking guy. That was a little sad, too bad inside me and outside me don't match. Sigh!!! But faceapp or not, you still look great!

Quote from: Faith on December 10, 2017, 04:16:36 PM
I can't get the tears to come out. Sometimes I think it'd be better if they did and flush it out of my system. There's still to much 'man' in me to just let it out. Learning to accept what I'll never be has to be one of my steps.
Don't try to force the tears out, but if you are feeling the need to cry, don't try to stop them.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 10, 2017, 05:24:19 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 10, 2017, 04:16:36 PM
I can't get the tears to come out. Sometimes I think it'd be better if they did and flush it out of my system. There's still to much 'man' in me to just let it out.
  Faith, My problem with tears has always been my failure "as a man" to keep the tears in. Somehow they manage to silently leak out to run down my cheeks as they have been a lot recently. I will agree that I would probably feel better to just let them out and have a good sobbing gut wrenching bawl. But of course that "man" in me can't allow it.

Learning to accept what I'll never be has to be one of my steps.
This one young lady is just wrong. Neither you nor I will ever be the pretty women we would like to be but listen here lady. You and I will be are women

Laurie, The 'old' me would tell you that you look like you have so much going for you that I don't understand how you could have moments like that .. the new me understands all too well now.
 It was something like the end of July or sometime in August while I was still riding high from my wonderful  Road Trip  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,224341.0.html) That I was told I was heading for a fall and it was going to be a very hard time for me. I couldn't imagine it myself but here I am in the midst of it without an end in sight. I'm sorry for anyone who understand what I am going through atm. But  hopefully with the help of these pills, my therapist and all my friends here I will make it through this. But I sure as hell am not going to bet on it.
We all need a central location where we can just have a huge hug-fest .. another thing I've never been good at, hugs, I feel the urge, and do, much more often now. That's a plus.
I learned in AA many years ago that hugs are damn good things. You cannot give nor get enough hugs.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 11, 2017, 11:16:56 AM
Quote from: Laurie on December 10, 2017, 05:24:19 PM
Learning to accept what I'll never be has to be one of my steps.
This one young lady is just wrong. Neither you nor I will ever be the pretty women we would like to be but listen here lady. You and I will be are women

Couldn't quote properly since you replied within a quote .. but you are so right. I think I can accept the 'never pretty' I've never thought of myself as good looking in any way already. What I want is to end up being able to look into the mirror and see ... me ... Right now I look and it's someone I don't know, masquerading. It's depressing.

And we're here for you just like you're here for us, bring it on, we'll share your burden.

Oh yeah, hugs, I love hugs now. Bring'em on 

On to another positive thought. Why oh why did I not buy an epilator years ago??!!??  These things are awesome! Once my skin adjusts to their use it'll be even better. I'm like seriously hairless now (well, barring a few tender bits). And stragglers are no problem, my wife attacks them ;D. I feel so smooth .. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 11, 2017, 11:34:02 AM
I forgot to add. It goes without saying that I am not 'out' at work. I just dress comfy. All my jeans are women's, My hair is a bit androgynous, leaning toward women's. Men's shirt, rather generic though. I wear a sweater (it's coooold!), a woman's sweater. I've been doing my nails in clear for weeks. Over the weekend, My wife and I tried some glitter (as I mentioned earlier). Her nails are full covered and mine are tipped. I did not clean them off for work. I am sitting here happily typing away in a male environment with glitter tipped fingernails.

I feel like a kid that thinks they're getting away with something  :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on December 11, 2017, 12:40:31 PM
For the most part, people really don't notice your fingernails. One of my former co-workers would constantly comment on some of our patron's fingernails though.  :P  I've had mine glossed for several months, and no one has said anything, or even looked at them askance. One of my lady friend's husband's nails are like SUPER glossy, and he doesn't do anything to them. I've even worn clear lip gloss & clear mascara at work, and no one has ever noticed.
I'm not sure if I could get away with women's jeans, though. I have worn them around town before, and no one seemed to notice that either, so maybe. I'm sitting at my desk most of the time, anyway.....

Quote from: Faith on December 11, 2017, 11:34:02 AM
I feel like a kid that thinks they're getting away with something  :)

:icon_joy:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 11, 2017, 03:58:09 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 11, 2017, 11:16:56 AM
On to another positive thought. Why oh why did I not buy an epilator years ago??!!??  These things are awesome! Once my skin adjusts to their use it'll be even better. I'm like seriously hairless now (well, barring a few tender bits). And stragglers are no problem, my wife attacks them ;D. I feel so smooth .. :)
Ouch! I bought an epilator a while back. I made the mistake of using it before ever shaving so it was long man hair. That brought tears to my eyes. I kept using it for a few months but found I kept getting ingrown hairs from it. Maybe I was doing something wrong, I don't know. I only shave now and the hormones have really slowed down the rate at which it grows back. I still have lots of red marks from the ingrown hairs but they are slowly starting to fade away. It does feel nice having that smooth feeling for an extended period using the epilator. Maybe I can give it another try now that the hormones have tamed my hair growth a bit.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 13, 2017, 07:23:08 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on December 11, 2017, 03:58:09 PM
Ouch! I bought an epilator a while back. I made the mistake of using it before ever shaving so it was long man hair. That brought tears to my eyes. I kept using it for a few months but found I kept getting ingrown hairs from it. Maybe I was doing something wrong, I don't know. I only shave now and the hormones have really slowed down the rate at which it grows back. I still have lots of red marks from the ingrown hairs but they are slowly starting to fade away. It does feel nice having that smooth feeling for an extended period using the epilator. Maybe I can give it another try now that the hormones have tamed my hair growth a bit. Jayne

exfoliate and moisturize. I also use a cleaning treatment to ease any bumps that do occur. 'Tend Skin Care Solution'. As mentioned in the forums here somewhere. And definitely shorten any hairs!! I use a beard trimmer to knock any length off first. I cringed when I read that you tried it on long hair .. OWWW ...




Update:
Yesterday at work I was sitting and talking to a female coworker. One of the guys walked through and said "Hello, ladies .. I mean -insert name here-". Ok, I know he was joking, but it felt good anyway.

Did he do it due to my sweater? Did he notice my nails? No idea. It did lead to a conversation with my coworker.

her: "He just called you a girl"
me: "Maybe he finally realized that I'm not wearing an 'old-mans' sweater" (as he previously commented); "Or maybe he saw my nails" At which point, I showed her.
her: "Why are your nails done"
me: "I did my wife's nails, then mine. I like them so I kept them. I like having my nails done"
Which led into a brief exchange about nails and 'did I see some of the dagger-nail styles' *shudder" agreement there, don't like those.
conversation moved around to which it led to my mentioning the girls jeans I wear as well, that used to be my wife's.
her: "What? Are you sure they are girls jeans" ... yep, I'm sure
more conversation: she started looking up how jeans are zippered to tell. Nope, shirts are buttoned the other way, zippers are normal .. just typically shorter. I pointed out my girls shoes .. and socks (also hand-me-overs from my wife).
**at some point in the conversation she commented "are you trying to be a girl" Well, my face heated up but I didn't answer.**
her: "I don't want to know whose underwear you are wearing .... "
me: "Mine"  ;D
her: " ... or what department you got them from."
me: "Not too far from where I got the nail polish"
conversation led back to work stuff.

It was really a pleasant conversation. No animosity at all. And now, she has had a chance to absorb some of the more obvious without me admitting anything. Should make things easier in the months to come. She's the person I most interact with daily (shared duties) so any tension would be bad.

On the home front. Candid conversation about eye-lashes. I wasn't specifically hiding, I just hadn't mentioned the growth serum or mascara. Now she knows. I used to have better lashes naturally, I don't know what happened. Anyway, showed her the bottle and how I apply it. No big deal.  I did point out that the mascara is very old and that we need buy some.

During this she looked at my eyebrows .. ?you plucked your brows? .. yep, a little. pointed out the areas where it over grows .. now gone ... which led to a conversation about the brow line difference for men and women, and forehead shape. It may lead to easier FFS conversation in years to come, that is way down the road - if ever. Facial hair first !!

That's pretty much it for an update, oh, I'm holding steady at 175lbs now .. I have to start working extra hard to get more off. My 'young' weight was 160 before I puffed up. Why don't we have little air valves where we can just let out a little bit?  ;D

.. Oh, one more one more thing ..
Had to return a corset, they sent a medium. That'll depress you, trying to wrap one of those around you when completely loose and it still won't fit. ARRGH .. that's when I noticed the size mistake .. whew!  Free return so back it went. Got the replacement (L). It's a tight squeeze but better, with room for me to shrink. I wear it when sleeping. I don't have enough day hours to do it. The waist looks pretty good when I first take it off. Time will tell on effectiveness. Between that and exercise it should make a difference.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 13, 2017, 11:29:46 AM
I am not sure I like your new avatar.  And I don't believe the caption.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: natalie.ashlyne on December 13, 2017, 11:39:12 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on December 13, 2017, 11:29:46 AM
I am not sure I like your new avatar.  And I don't believe the caption.

I totally agree with you Kathy I liked the avatar before,  So Faith can you please put the one you had up before? I will thank you in advance
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 13, 2017, 11:44:39 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on December 13, 2017, 11:29:46 AM
I am not sure I like your new avatar.  And I don't believe the caption.
Hey! I didn't notice you changed it. I agree with Kathy, the caption is a blatant lie. Please put the previous picture back. I liked that one.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: natalie.ashlyne on December 13, 2017, 11:46:56 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on December 13, 2017, 11:44:39 AM
Hey! I didn't notice you changed it. I agree with Kathy, the caption is a blatant lie. Please put the previous picture back. I liked that one.

Well Faith now you got 3 people that like the one before better so I think you have to put it up please pretty please. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 13, 2017, 12:32:21 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on December 13, 2017, 11:29:46 AM
I am not sure I like your new avatar.  And I don't believe the caption.

  I'm also climbing up on that band wagon. And Kathy has it right on the caption also.

As far as your post goes it was an interest conversation and I am sure you let her know where you are heading with the accouterments. Your secret is out at least to her. Working with your wife is going to be very important for your relationship. Try not to push too far too fast. There is time.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 13, 2017, 05:53:45 PM
I am so sorry to have worked things up. I really, really, appreciate the concern and I have removed that blacked-out avatar. I cannot, however, put the other one back .. it was a lie, a wish, a dream, an impossibility.

The avatar I had, I liked, it was me but 'faceapped' into a younger more feminine looking man. Unfortunately, it was being equated it with me, as I am, not me, on the inside. You know what I mean. So the more I saw it and read comments the more I hated it and had to remove it.

The blacked out avatar fit my 'image of me' mood. I am not an ugly 'man' and it would be great if that was enough, it's not. We have one mirror in the house for shaving (unfortunately) and hair tending. If it wasn't for that, that mirror would be gone as well. I simply cannot spend time near a mirror.

I do feel better now, I got home from work to have a late lunch with my wife before she went back to work. She always brightens my mood. I just got from my hour long nature walk, energy burned, ready to TV vegetating.

I can't say how much it means to have people care enough to check in on me and, well really, set me straight. Don't stop, please ..

Faith

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: natalie.ashlyne on December 13, 2017, 08:58:30 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 13, 2017, 05:53:45 PM
I am so sorry to have worked things up. I really, really, appreciate the concern and I have removed that blacked-out avatar. I cannot, however, put the other one back .. it was a lie, a wish, a dream, an impossibility.

The avatar I had, I liked, it was me but 'faceapped' into a younger more feminine looking man. Unfortunately, it was being equated it with me, as I am, not me, on the inside. You know what I mean. So the more I saw it and read comments the more I hated it and had to remove it.

The blacked out avatar fit my 'image of me' mood. I am not an ugly 'man' and it would be great if that was enough, it's not. We have one mirror in the house for shaving (unfortunately) and hair tending. If it wasn't for that, that mirror would be gone as well. I simply cannot spend time near a mirror.

I do feel better now, I got home from work to have a late lunch with my wife before she went back to work. She always brightens my mood. I just got from my hour long nature walk, energy burned, ready to TV vegetating.

I can't say how much it means to have people care enough to check in on me and, well really, set me straight. Don't stop, please ..

Faith

Hi Faith i want to say thank you for taking down the black avatar. I am sorry that my comment on the fabulous  tread made you take down your other  avatar.  I dont think you using face app is a lie, models and actresses actors all use photo shop all pics are retouched over and over again. And it is proven when you are happy you look younger. And in that pic you looked happy. People use make up to look better prettier sexier younger so there is nothing wrong with using that.  No body is perfect every one has flaws. If that avatar dream you are aloud to dream and you are aloud to achieve your dreams. Every day you get a step closer and sooner or later you will be there
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 13, 2017, 10:25:12 PM
  Faith,

  "Don't be so hard on yourself."
  "Give yourself a break."
  "Quit beating yourself up."
  "You really like doing a number on yourself don't you?"
  "You are your own worst enemy"

   I put those sentences in quotes for a reason. They are not mine. They are words I have heard so many times that they are becoming synonymous with "Laurie".  They all apply to me perfectly. I cannot deny it. But I don't own them. They apply to many of us here and you my dear, are one of them.
  You hate the way you look because it doesn't measure up to what you would like to look like. If you could see and accept the beautiful caring person we see in your posts perhaps you would feel better about yourself. So many women feel they don't look good enough or believe themselves to be ugly when in fact they are seen as beautiful people not for their looks but for their hearts. We haven't see you so we cannot see you as anything except the kind hearted lady that you are. I doubt that anyone here would think otherwise of you no matter what you look like. I know I don't trust your opinion of yourself, why should you?
  Me? Well, I just hate myself for who and what I think I am and the harm and ruin I feel I've done to those I love. How this old broad wannabe looks is the least of my concerns. I cannot seem to accept that I am not that horrible person I think I am. If I could just do that I could be okay and at peace with myself.
  I'm not trying to make little of your fears and thoughts because I know it isn't that easy. If it was I wouldn't be in this damn depression. But try to listen to those sentences at the top and try to give yourself a break. I'd suggest trying a nice hair style and  a good makeup application and then a quick look in the mirror to see if you like it. If your wife is willing let her show you how. Make your look be a joint effort. Who knows you may find a look you like and be done with this self loathing you have. It's worth trying.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 14, 2017, 06:17:41 AM
Natalie, don't blame yourself, it's all on me. I was feeling it way before your comment. You just had the bad timing of being the last person to comment before my mood darkened. And no matter what anyone says I will always envy the looks that some people have, you just happen to be one of 'them ... that's a good thing!!  ;D

Laurie, I know the words and have used some of them, even to myself. They do mean more coming from someone else, when I say them they are just empty words. Occasionally they help, most of the time they're just words. Plus, you need to take some of what you said to me and apply it to yourself. I've read quite a bit of the things you've posted to others so horrible you are not. We all cause distress to loved ones in one manner or another, it's the loved ones that always take the brunt of things. Strangers don't care, or we don't care what they think, that's just the way it is.

Makeup? No help from my wife. She doesn't use makeup and is as clueless as I am on what to do with the stuff. I can barely do mascara w/o sticking myself in the eye. (note: lashes getting longer still .. woooo .. nothing on the lower lashes yet :( )

Hair I can do, I have lots of hair. My wife braided it the other day and I had some nice curled stragglers down around the ears.  Between that and the bangs it made a very soft, more feminine. A look that didn't look too ridiculous on me.

In any case, today is a new day. I have a Dr appointment this afternoon. While I don't expect immediate HRT progress, I do hope to get a positive step towards it.

I promise to get a 'current me' avatar up as soon as I get a picture that I like ... it may take a while. No more pictures that lie.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 14, 2017, 06:36:26 PM
Sorry if I scared anyone away :(

on to my day. Normal work stuff until .. leave early for the DR visit.

1st, no HRT. For some reason the DR wants to do things the right way, proper blood work and baselines and all that jazz. doesn't that just figure ;D

2nd, very nice DR. Young, but not too young. Personable, ask questions, listens to the answers. Not afraid to speak up on ways and means and whys. Prods for answers without pushing. LISTENS to the answers .. did I say that already?

I ended up sitting there in shaky cold sweats baring my sole, it was HARD. I did get to see his face quickly hide a shocked expression when, at one point, I said, "Let me say one thing bluntly. If I woke up tomorrow with no penis it wouldn't faze me at all". If I wasn't so nervous I would have laughed .. oh wait, I did. A bunch of times. Did I mention I was nervous? I'm still repeating myself.

At the end of a very thorough talk and he was done, I looked at him and asked, "Would you feel more comfortable if I talked to a gender therapist as well?"  Yep, I saw relief. Absolutely he would feel better getting reports (which I'll make freely available to him). Now to find a good one locally.

back later .... walk time
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: natalie.ashlyne on December 14, 2017, 08:44:05 PM
Hi Faith I am glad you are feeling better, and I am very happy that you will be posting a new avatar when you feel comfortable I look forward to seeing the real you. :)  I am also truly honored that you envy me I really don't see what you see in me I really don't think I am that special. I use a crap ton of makeup. I think we all feel that way from time to time. I am happy that you are on your way to find the gender therapist, and you will get there soon. If you ever want to talk just p.m. me and i will respond to you as soon as i can.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 14, 2017, 09:18:40 PM
   Well Faith, It sounds like you have a pretty good doctor visit. Let me tell you I was as nervous as you if not more when I confessed to my GP that I had been taking HRT on my own for 5 weeks prior to telling him I was trans. Like yours, my doctor is a bit younger than I. I wouldn't even tell the nurse any more than a yes and I would rather tell the doctor when she asked if there were any changes to my medications. I would describe the encounter much as your with the exception of finding out my doctor was familiar with treating trans gender folk and qualified by the VA to prescribe HRT medication and ask if I wanted to get mine through the VA. He also asked if I wanted to talk to a therapist about being trans and got that ball rolling when I said, yes. I came to Susan's and started a thread called "Here I Go Again" where i sought moral support to do what I had been contemplating to do. That was the start of my participation here.
  As far as myself needing to practice what I preached, you will get no argument on that need from me. I said as much in the post. Like you I encounter difficulty in listening to the advice too. Especially when I'm in a bad way. I am no different than you with the exception of being older. I face struggles that seem insurmountable too. But if I allow it, I know I can get better at accepting help from others and then maybe I can beat this depression and the self loathing I reserve for myself. My main problem will be to convince myself that I want to. That is still my biggest hurdle.
   You are doing what you should by being honest with your doctor and I hope you do the same when you talk to a therapist.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 15, 2017, 06:00:07 AM
Laurie, it was an exceptional DR visit. I couldn't describe it well. Dr pulled the pieces together despite my nervous ramblings. I think I offended him a bit trying to express my feelings on hormone treatments. He made sure to point out that he had extensively studied it. Ahh, the insecurity of youth, I remember it well. Wait, I'm still insecure ... ignore that comment. Still, I came away with a very good feeling. He may still recommend me to an endo. I prefer staying under one roof but I'll go with what's best.

Oh, and Laurie, maybe we should take all the things you are telling others to get their heads straight and post in into your thread .. we'll force feed it to you until you swallow it ;D

Natalie, I don't see excessive makeup in the pics, I just see a very pretty girl. I'd have to brown-bag my head first and then paint it up. Now THAT would be excessive ... I'm kidding, really any bag would do, it doesn't have to be brown .... ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 15, 2017, 06:36:07 AM
Why do I forget so many things that I want to share?

After the DR we went shopping (we should stop, we spend too much money when we go together). Armloads of nifty things, had to wean it down to a more comfortable unaffordable level .. there goes the budget- again.

It's been cold on walks, I've been wearing my work sweater that makes me sweat while walking. Can't have that, I don't want to wash it that often. So, a nice jacket that buttons up into a turtleneck. No idea what the style is called. I just know it looks nice and it's warm without being hot.

Another pair of jeans, higher waist to help keep them from falling down my skinny butt. VERY comfortable.

On to the two things specific to this post.
Night clothes. A nice loose pink pair of jammie bottoms. They suit me (and set off my pink toes) love'm. AND a top to go with it. Now, the top is mid thigh length like a dress, short nightgown?  Anyways, a little small up top so if I ever get boobs it won't fit. My wife will steal it at that point. The reason for bringing it up? Well as soon as I put it on my wife went: WOW, that looks great, you could really pull off wearing a dress like that. Made my night ;D (I'm really trying to just accept her opinion rather than believing any mirrors)

Ruffled blouse. OK, my wife and I were never into ruffles. I saw this one and something clicked, and it fit. I bought it specifically to wear when I take my upcoming avatar picture. So, this blouse is for you :)

I need to stop typing. I don't need to pollute my own thread with everything that I do or discover in a day. Let's just sum it up with: I really feel good today, I hope it sticks around.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 15, 2017, 07:28:57 AM
I am glad to hear it was a good day, Faith.  Nothing like a bit of retail therapy.  I tend to blow the budget when I go shopping with my wife, too, but damn, I look good!  I bet you do too.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 15, 2017, 12:59:46 PM
 Hi Faith,

  Don't you know it isn't fair play to use my own words against me?
  It's cool both you and your wife like shopping therapy. I don't practice it myself because I don't really need to find an excuse to but me something.
  But it does remind me of the "Leonard" guy I haven't seen around here for awhile. Now that guy used any and every excuse he could find to go buy tools. Get angry about nothing- go buy tools, upset- go buy tools. Need one deep socket- go by a set. He's left them all with me. there are 3 tool boxes of tools now mostly mechanics tools. Enough to tear an engine down and reassemble it with new rings and bearings and then some. I ask you doesn't every lady need a torque wench?
  Enjoy you new purchases, Faith.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 15, 2017, 01:09:10 PM
Quote from: Laurie on December 15, 2017, 12:59:46 PMI ask you doesn't every lady need a torque wench?
Heck, yeah!  I used mine just last month, putting on the winter tires.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 15, 2017, 01:12:31 PM
I can play mechanic so I have a collection of tools - including a torque wrench. I don't enjoy it, I do it for budgetary reasons. I can't be talked to for hours after any mechanic work ... unless you want your ears burned off ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 15, 2017, 01:42:06 PM
 I can understand that Faith. I seldom crawl under the pickup or dive under the hood any more myself. Last time was to replace an oxygen sensor and I used some very unladylike language aim at the designers for their stupid location for the connector and their brilliant thought to double lock it. I had to physically break one of them to get it apart. A 5 minute job took over a half hour. If I dropped the >-bleeped-< it would have been easy.

Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on December 15, 2017, 01:48:37 PM
Quote from: Laurie on December 15, 2017, 01:42:06 PMIf I dropped the >-bleeped-< it would have been easy.

*SNORK*

Really, Laurie??!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 15, 2017, 01:51:27 PM
Laurie, I am really trying to reconcile your profile picture with climbing around trucks and mechanic'ing. I just can't see it. I know, old fashioned stereotypical role-based thought pattern. It's hard to unlearn years of wrong, but ... nope .. still can't picture it. You're too lady-like (go ahead, yell at me for pigeon-holing genders) ... is that a slight on pigeons?  I better stop ...

... snork?? .. SNORK?  .............
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on December 15, 2017, 01:51:36 PM
Quote from: Laurie on December 15, 2017, 12:59:46 PM
I ask you doesn't every lady need a torque wench?

Of course! How the heck else are you going to torque the prop bolts on the plane you're building?

Steph the Mechanitrix
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 15, 2017, 01:53:23 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 15, 2017, 01:51:36 PM
Of course! How the heck else are you going to torque the prop bolts on the plane you're building?

Steph the Mechanitrix

I thought they were prop blots

good thing I don't build planes
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on December 15, 2017, 02:14:10 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 15, 2017, 01:53:23 PM
I thought they were prop blots

good thing I don't build planes

Ever clean bugs off a prop? Ewwwww!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 15, 2017, 02:48:49 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 15, 2017, 02:14:10 PM
Ever clean bugs off a prop? Ewwwww!

Nope, never have. That joy is all yours.

On an aviation note, Back in high school, many years ago, I was in the Civil Air Patrol. I didn't continue after school, I wish that I had. I had the chance to learn to fly. They would take you all the way up to solo within the program. I never took them up on it, one more regret. I did go up regularly though as a spotter.

one time I was up and the pilot said, take it ..  :o .. he kicked back, arms crossed and feet back. I did OK until time to land, I let him handle that part ;D  ahh, memories.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on December 15, 2017, 03:12:49 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 15, 2017, 02:48:49 PMone time I was up and the pilot said, take it ..  [emoji50] .. he kicked back, arms crossed and feet back. I did OK until time to land, I let him handle that part [emoji1]  ahh, memories.

A lot of pilots (well, male pilots anyway) like to project that "only steely-eyed hero types can fly airplanes" attitude. The reality is the skill set isn't that hard to learn, it's just a new set of reflexes to practice. Some book learnin' to understand the theory and rules of the road, familiarization with the plane's systems, some time with an instructor learning how the plane responds to control inputs, then lots of practice. In cruise flight in most planes there's little more work involved to steer than there is in a car. Just small corrections that amount to not much more than light pressure on the controls will keep most planes straight and level in decent weather. It's a whole different ball game in planes that are deliberately designed to be unstable, like aerobatic or fighter planes.

There are few people who, once bitten by the bug, can resist the call for long. Right, Jayne?

Steph the Badass Aviatrix
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 15, 2017, 04:48:53 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 15, 2017, 03:12:49 PM
A lot of pilots (well, male pilots anyway) like to project that "only steely-eyed hero types can fly airplanes" attitude. The reality is the skill set isn't that hard to learn, it's just a new set of reflexes to practice. Some book learnin' to understand the theory and rules of the road, familiarization with the plane's systems, some time with an instructor learning how the plane responds to control inputs, then lots of practice. In cruise flight in most planes there's little more work involved to steer than there is in a car. Just small corrections that amount to not much more than light pressure on the controls will keep most planes straight and level in decent weather. It's a whole different ball game in planes that are deliberately designed to be unstable, like aerobatic or fighter planes.

There are few people who, once bitten by the bug, can resist the call for long. Right, Jayne?

Steph the Badass Aviatrix
I managed to fly for 20 minutes one time without touching the stick.  I just happened to "nail" the trim perfectly.  It's been 35 years now, though.  I guess that bug bite is out of my system now.  (Still love to talk about it, though ;) )
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 15, 2017, 04:56:50 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 15, 2017, 03:12:49 PM
There are few people who, once bitten by the bug, can resist the call for long. Right, Jayne?

Steph the Badass Aviatrix
You ain't kidding sister! I thought the bug had left me until I met you. So I guess it was just laying dormant waiting to bite me again. It bit me good.

My wife and I went for a short walk yesterday and the gliders were out from the local airfield. I had to stop and look up for a while as the tug was towing a glider up. Aaaaahhhhhhh....... I do miss flying.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on December 15, 2017, 04:59:11 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on December 15, 2017, 04:48:53 PM
I managed to fly for 20 minutes one time without touching the stick.  I just happened to "nail" the trim perfectly.  It's been 35 years now, though.  I guess that bug bite is out of my system now.  (Still love to talk about it, though ;) )

In my second ultralight, I could occasionally get it trimmed so I could go hands off and steer just by sticking my hand out the door on one side or another. What fun!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 15, 2017, 08:12:09 PM
Faith dear,

  I tore my first engine apart at 17  and my 2nd at 18. Rebuilt my 1973 Levi Gremlin's 304 cu in V8 engine on my back porch. Replaced a couple Japanese engines and several clutches. I used to do all my own vehicle work and then some. Now I let someone else do most of it and my tools collect dust.

Getting all greasy has lost it's appeal.

Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on December 15, 2017, 10:43:26 PM
Quote from: Laurie on December 15, 2017, 08:12:09 PM
Faith dear,

  I tore my first engine apart at 17  and my 2nd at 18. Rebuilt my 1973 Levi Gremlin's 304 cu in V8 engine on my back porch. Replaced a couple Japanese engines and several clutches. I used to do all my own vehicle work and then some. Now I let someone else do most of it and my tools collect dust.

Getting all greasy has lost it's appeal.

Laurie

At 17 I was memorizing the AD&D 2nd Edition Monster Manual....   :icon_geekdance:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 15, 2017, 10:48:32 PM
Quote from: Sarah_P on December 15, 2017, 10:43:26 PM
At 17 I was memorizing the AD&D 2nd Edition Monster Manual....   :icon_geekdance:

Youngster...  It was 1969/70 when I was 17.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on December 16, 2017, 08:42:03 PM
Hi Faith

Unapologetic Self affirmed flying nut here... with my biggest regret being I never finished my private licence and only had a solo one... I don't even know if they are still a thing...I ran out of money in the end and then at 19 I found out I was trans (not that I knew what that was)about the same time and life changed forever from that point. I have never lost my passion for flying and all things plane orientated but always felt it was out of my reach.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 17, 2017, 06:10:33 PM
Hey Liz, welcome to my dungeon. No flying here, just a lot of hot air talk.

Tonight, a nice dinner date. My wife played critic to my eye makeup. Considering lack of experience, it worked out rather well.

One long stare from a friend, no comment though. One set of rolled eyes from a female acquaintance. She thinks she's a friend because i treat her politely. Her opinion means nothing, i thought it was funny. Didn't hurt my feeling at all.

I had a good day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 17, 2017, 07:59:25 PM
Hi Faith dearie,

  Makeup takes practice but it can be fun. I've been doing a basic makeup jobs for more years then I can remember and I am still a beginner because I have no concept of contour or concealing. I used to play with my makeup for over an hour mainly playing with eyes shadows blending different colors and shades to get a look I liked. Now more often than not I'm painting everything on in a half and hour and call it good. One thing I never complained about was how long it took my ex to get ready to go out somewhere. (I had inside info that it can take awhile)

  Glad you had a good outing and didn't let anyone bother you with their nonsense.

But the part I liked best was "I had a good day."

Hugs girl,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 17, 2017, 08:26:14 PM
neither one of us use makeup, talk about being in the dark  :P All I was going for was to bring out my eyes a bit. They aren't as deep as some male eyes appear, however, it is enough to hide my shorter (but longer and still growing ;D ) lashes. And, more importantly, to bring out the blue in my eyes. I only had a simple kit to use, I think it worked.

Really, from my wife being uncomfortable about me & makeup to today helping me and enjoying it  ... not to mention SHE bought the brow plumper for me (she thought it was for eye lashes) .. that was as important as a day out, more so I think. I did try it on my brows, I'm not used to them being darker. They've been light-colored (not gray) for so long it looked odd to me. At least you could actually see the whole brow. More hair there than I thought.

Funny moment:
Sitting at the table, 5 women, one guy, and me .. I poked (prodded? elbowed?) my wife and said, "Did you notice that I'm the only one sitting here with their nails done?" Nice pretty sparkly gold tips. Hey, it's Christmas!! I was going to put a tree on one nail. I didn't want to mess it up, I was short on time.

Yes, Laurie, A very good day ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 17, 2017, 10:40:12 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 17, 2017, 08:26:14 PM
Really, from my wife being uncomfortable about me & makeup to today helping me and enjoying it  ... not to mention SHE bought the brow plumper for me (she thought it was for eye lashes) .. that was as important as a day out, more so I think.
That is fantastic Faith. Please tell your wife that I think she is awesome for being there for you the way she is.

Quote
Funny moment:
Sitting at the table, 5 women, one guy, and me .. I poked (prodded? elbowed?) my wife and said, "Did you notice that I'm the only one sitting here with their nails done?" Nice pretty sparkly gold tips. Hey, it's Christmas!! I was going to put a tree on one nail. I didn't want to mess it up, I was short on time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but if I've done my math correctly, that would be 6 women and 1 guy at the table, right?

I am very happy for you Faith.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 18, 2017, 06:36:09 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on December 17, 2017, 10:40:12 PM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but if I've done my math correctly, that would be 6 women and 1 guy at the table, right?
Jayne

well, that's a head full of jumbled up thoughts. I have yet to come out and say 'I'm a woman', even to myself. I do not think of myself as a 'man'. I do think .. no, I know .. that my (let's keep it simple) body is wrong. There is no question in my mind about changing that.

I chose F in my profile because M is wrong and the ? was too ambiguous. Most definitely heavy leaning F. I feel most relaxed and happy. Full admission, even typing this out as I am, I just can't do it.

I do not have any issues with he/she/they pronouns. I've never liked my given name, due to gender or just don't like it? no idea. I much prefer Faith (thanks Devlyn). As it stands now, I don't care what my wife calls me as long as she's by my side. She can call me whatever is comfortable for her.

I don't feel that I was presenting male or female at dinner, I just happened to be on all woman's clothes. I was still identified as male, although I was called hippie a couple times for long hair .. really? hippy in this day and age?

I'm confusing myself, I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff looking down with no bottom in sight through the mist.

Why can't I just be ME.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: krobinson103 on December 18, 2017, 10:30:47 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 18, 2017, 06:36:09 AM
well, that's a head full of jumbled up thoughts. I have yet to come out and say 'I'm a woman', even to myself. I do not think of myself as a 'man'. I do think .. no, I know .. that my (let's keep it simple) body is wrong. There is no question in my mind about changing that.

I chose F in my profile because M is wrong and the ? was too ambiguous. Most definitely heavy leaning F. I feel most relaxed and happy. Full admission, even typing this out as I am, I just can't do it.

I do not have any issues with he/she/they pronouns. I've never liked my given name, due to gender or just don't like it? no idea. I much prefer Faith (thanks Devlyn). As it stands now, I don't care what my wife calls me as long as she's by my side. She can call me whatever is comfortable for her.

I don't feel that I was presenting male or female at dinner, I just happened to be on all woman's clothes. I was still identified as male, although I was called hippie a couple times for long hair .. really? hippy in this day and age?

I'm confusing myself, I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff looking down with no bottom in sight through the mist.

Why can't I just be ME.

Thats a question that I ask myself often. Thing is I need to give it a bit more time to see who me really is. Its not a sudden switch, but an evolution. I know at this point I wouldn't pass as a Women more than 60% of the time so I figure I'll give it time. This benefits the family (who need time) and my work for the moment. I think as for anything give yourself time to ponder the reality of it all and don't try to jump in the deep end till you are really ready. :)

Its still very frustrating though...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 18, 2017, 12:43:06 PM
Hi Faith,

I just sent you a PM.

Quote from: Faith on December 18, 2017, 06:36:09 AM
well, that's a head full of jumbled up thoughts. I have yet to come out and say 'I'm a woman', even to myself. I do not think of myself as a 'man'. I do think .. no, I know .. that my (let's keep it simple) body is wrong. There is no question in my mind about changing that.
Please accept my sincerest apology. I misunderstood and thought you identified as a woman. If you identify somewhere else on the spectrum or don't feel like you are in the spectrum at all, that is fine. If you are still uncertain and trying to find your way, that is fine too. To me you are just Faith, a lovely person.

Quote
I chose F in my profile because M is wrong and the ? was too ambiguous. Most definitely heavy leaning F. I feel most relaxed and happy. Full admission, even typing this out as I am, I just can't do it.
That is ok. No pressure, whatever you feel most comfortable with right now is right for you.

Quote
I do not have any issues with he/she/they pronouns. I've never liked my given name, due to gender or just don't like it? no idea. I much prefer Faith (thanks Devlyn). As it stands now, I don't care what my wife calls me as long as she's by my side. She can call me whatever is comfortable for her.
I can relate with you. I don't care what my wife calls me, she gets special privileges to call me whatever feels easiest for her.

Quote
I don't feel that I was presenting male or female at dinner, I just happened to be on all woman's clothes. I was still identified as male, although I was called hippie a couple times for long hair .. really? hippy in this day and age?
It is not a requirement to fit into any gender. It is just as valid to be no gender at all if that is how you feel. Maybe you are bringing back the hippie with a modern twist to it. [emoji12]

Quote
I'm confusing myself, I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff looking down with no bottom in sight through the mist.

Why can't I just be ME.
You are YOU. You will always be YOU. I made an assumption and placed a label on you which doesn't seem to currently fit you. That was my mistake. I will try and learn from that and not repeat it. You are awesome as YOU, no matter what label, if any, you choose to use.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 18, 2017, 12:53:47 PM
Well, I can't re-reply to each thing so I'll just paste in what I PM'd back to you:



You have nothing to be sorry about. Sure, your comment triggered something and I ended up, well, saying what I did. That's OK. It gets it out into the open. Clearly (or not so clearly) I have things to work through. Never feel that you have to guard a reply 'just in case'.

I'm fine really, I'm not even in a bad mood. I am disgruntled about being at work when I want to be home, but that's every day :)

Feel free to post your comments and opinions any time that you want to.



That really goes for everyone. Ok, within reason and confines of Susans TOS :)

If we don't touch a nerve now and again then we aren't trying hard enough to help each other.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 19, 2017, 08:42:22 AM
Moodiness .. lots of it. I am not on any HRT or drugs to account for it. I bounce between feeling good, spring in my step, it's a bright day to wanting to just put my head down and wait for the rain to start.

I keep feeling like taking my blouses, tossing them in a corner and only wearing my dingy unassuming guy shirts. One moment is 'I feel good dressed like this' to the next of 'who am I kidding, I look ridiculous'

I don't feel like a guy, I don't feel like a girl. I'm stuck in an undefinable limbo of confusion and doubt. Right now I'm at work and I can't do any. I'm staring at my computer like it's some alien object with no idea what to do with it.

Absolutely the only thing I am certain of ... my body is wrong.  I cannot, at all, go without tucking for even a few minutes. Bathroom breaks and showers are exercises in will power. You can't avoid them, I don't want to do them. I need to stay covered as much as possible. MIRRORS!!! Why are there mirrors everywhere. I want to cry but nothing comes out. I just sit here stoned faced and miserable.

I read topics here and think, I can relate to that, I can help .. and nothing comes out. I go to type and it's all negativity. How can I hope to help someone else when I can't even help myself. When I do manage a reply to something it's seems to be unrelated to the topic or unhelpful or a failed attempt at humor or all of the above.

I am sitting here all alone in a room full of people.

I'm hitting POST now, it's better than delete and I need to get it out. I am sorry to those of you who read this, I don't mean to dump on you .. or I do, I don't know ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on December 19, 2017, 08:53:28 AM
Faith, don't ever hesitate to "dump." Why do you think we're here?

And I'll play Captain Obvious and repeat what you probably ready know, but what can't be said too often: every single one of us has been where you are now, and it really really does get better. I know it's easy to understand intellectually, but not so much emotionally - but it's true nevertheless.

I don't have any magic to help, other than advise you to just keep plowing through the day, and those brighter times will be back.

Here's a (((HUG)))

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 19, 2017, 08:54:31 AM
Hun, I'm sorry that the road is rocky for you.  Feel free to vent any time you need.

I found being me part-time to be very frustrating and dysphoric.  Knowing that it could be better, but that I couldn't get there yet.  What kept me going was making progress: going to the support group, doing therapy, getting my HRT letter, making the doctor appointments, coming out to selected friends and family.  And then finally making my plans and setting a date to go full-time.  Any chance I could, I did something just so I knew I wasn't stuck.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on December 19, 2017, 09:42:49 AM
I know exactly how you feel. I'm only part-time now, and the times when I'm Sarah are the only times I feel truly alive. The rest is usually like slogging my way through a swamp. I've found myself staring blankly at my computer, too.

Kathy & Stephanie have it right - you just keep making steps forward. Sometimes it feels like it takes forever, but things really will get better.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 19, 2017, 10:49:35 AM
Hi Faith,

   
QuoteI read topics here and think, I can relate to that, I can help .. and nothing comes out. I go to type and it's all negativity. How can I hope to help someone else when I can't even help myself. When I do manage a reply to something it's seems to be unrelated to the topic or unhelpful or a failed attempt at humor or all of the above.

   I could swear I wrote that myself. Especially that negativity part. I still find it creep into my posts. In fact, I remember one such occurrence recently. And what did you do?
   This time it's your words, but I could have written them. This time is is you who feels like crap. This time it's me that is reaching out to you. Faith, you are not alone in this. You are never alone here at Susan's. There are plenty of us that have felt as you are feeling and you know that I am one of them. You reached out to me, offering your help to me. Now it's my turn to reach out to you. You are welcome to PM me, instant message, email, skype , or call me. Just let me know what you would prefer and we will do it. And not only me, you have many friends here that will do the same.
   Perhaps you need some of these happy pills. Sorry, but you'll need to get some of your own. That my friend is something else that may help along with your therapy sessions. It is hard at these times but there is hope for you. You can overcome this excursion into the doldrums. I have Faith in you.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 19, 2017, 11:20:40 AM
Thanks everyone. I'm still feeling down, but better. You all did manage to get me to tear up .. no drops though, I'm still choking them in - not on purpose.

Progress
My first Therapist appointment is on the 26th ... wish me luck.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 19, 2017, 11:44:29 AM
Laurie (and Steph, and Kathy, and Sarah, and Jayne, and .. the list is long),  I get help just be reading through your own postings. I do not reach out for help very well, I'm just no good at unloading onto others. Baring my soul doesn't come easy for me and this is about as bare as you can get. Nakedness does not become me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 19, 2017, 06:00:37 PM
Faith, I am sorry you are feeling down but it's good to hear your a little better. I would have replied sooner but I was asleep. These different time zones can be inconvenient at times.

Everyone else has already said what I would like to say, so rather than repeat, I say to re-read their posts and know that those words are also coming from me. Don't ever feel like you need to apologise for dumping. We are all here for the same reason, to support each other through good times and bad.

I can understand how you are feeling. I am unable to be Jayne, even part time, in the real world. I owned a few items of women's clothes in the past. One pair of jeans, one top and a pair of boots and a small over the shoulder bag. It was all kind of androgynous on the feminine side if that makes sense. I liked the look and felt good wearing this one outfit, but it caused a huge disconnect within me. It was too much for me to handle switching between John and Jayne. So I got rid of the clothes, gave them to charity. It was way too confusing knowing I'm not a man, not thinking I'm a woman either and definitely not identifying as non-binary. I didn't know where I fit in.

My transition is not following any logical order, but it is right for me. I started hormones before I even acknowledged that I am trans let alone identify as a woman. I had to take a leap of Faith and trust that my therapist knew me better than I knew myself. It wasn't until I started seeing physical changes from the HRT that I could accept and know who I am.

I've been talking a lot about myself, it's how I relate and get my point across. Sorry about that. What I'm trying to say is that you are not alone with how you are feeling. I have felt how you are feeling, as have most of us here and can tell you it gets better.

I didn't realise this will be your first therapist appointment. You are doing so much better than I was before I started therapy. I hope the therapist is a good fit for you and that they can help you find your way. Good luck with your first session.

Send me a PM anytime if you wish to chat in private.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 20, 2017, 07:06:34 AM
Jayne, I know we're hours apart, no worries there. Although, you could make the effort to stay up once in a while to make a more timely appearance .. just kidding.

I caught up in your thread, I don't have much to say there. Just keep your head up and move forward .. and try not to hit your boobs.

For me, Today is starting out well. I'm in a good mood, more upbeat. Tired. I was out playing music last night and didn't get home until after 10. It was after 11 before bed .. arrghh, I'm too old for that. My bedtime is at 10 after relaxing for an hour.

I'm kind of in a hold pattern, therapy in a week, baseline blood test in a week, follow-up Dr visit in 3 weeks, then we'll see. Bit of a struggle staying positive, I go through bouts of 'am I doing the right thing' and 'I look like crap'. Ah well, each day is a new day. Maybe I'll get all prettied up tonight for when the wife gets home.

Weight is still holding around 170, even after a binge meal on Sunday. BEEF, ugh, We both learned that we've been on this diet long enough not to re-introduce beef even for one meal. We don't miss it so that is off the table (literally :D ). At least 20 lbs more to go before I can think about re-introducing some of my favorites that'll put a little weight back on.

Therapy, I am not one that is comfortable with talking to others about my problems. I've always held it in and worked it out on my own, for better or worse. Recently, since the whole 'coming out' thing, I've been talking with my Wife more and more, trying to tell her anything and everything, even if it's repetitious. To have that and to have her listen means more than any therapist, in my mind ... um, yeah, in my mind :P

My hope is that therapy will be less about digging out more issues and more about confirmation and settling any uneasiness between the Wife and I about what's been going on. She's doing well but maybe something is lurking that therapy will draw out. Oh, and for the Dr. so he has a therapist note to feel better about when (not if) we move forward.

I still don't feel girly, nor do I feel manly. Maybe that'll be my norm. I have a preference for feminine things right now, it's just doesn't make me feel girly. It just makes me feel comfortable. You know what I mean?

So, there you go, a morning ramble.

Have a glorious day Everyone,
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 20, 2017, 09:30:06 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 20, 2017, 07:06:34 AM
Jayne, I know we're hours apart, no worries there. Although, you could make the effort to stay up once in a while to make a more timely appearance .. just kidding.
Is this timely enough. I'm up, currently 2am here. (I'm working a nightshift though, is that cheating?)

Quote
.. and try not to hit your boobs.
How cool! Someone other than me has mentioned my boobs. That felt surprisingly good to read that. It was very affirming. You have put a smile on my face that won't seem to go away. Thank you! [emoji16]

Quote
For me, Today is starting out well. I'm in a good mood, more upbeat......
It's good to hear you're in a good mood. Try not to stress too much about therapy. I used to be very much like you, not wanting to talk to others about my problems. Therapy is all about you. The therapist will not make you talk about anything you are not comfortable with. I found I was very guarded with what I said early on, but with each session I became more and more comfortable talking about whatever I felt like. Now I am able to tell my therapist absolutely anything. I even made her blush once. She went all red and was a little embarrassed when I casually pointed down at my boy bits and said something about "chopping it off". My actions and the way I said it caught her totally by surprise. We both had a good laugh at that.

It is awesome that you are able to openly talk with your wife about this stuff.

Quote
I still don't feel girly, nor do I feel manly. Maybe that'll be my norm. I have a preference for feminine things right now, it's just doesn't make me feel girly. It just makes me feel comfortable. You know what I mean?
Feeling comfortable is good. That's what we're all aiming for. You don't need to be manly or girly, just feel comfortable as YOU. No particular label needs to be attached.

I hope it goes well with the therapist.

Take care,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 20, 2017, 10:38:38 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on December 20, 2017, 09:30:06 AM
Is this timely enough. I'm up, currently 2am here. (I'm working a nightshift though, is that cheating?)

So you're .. 15ish hrs ahead? Nah, not cheating .. you'll just have to work all night shifts  :o

Quote from: Jayne01 on December 20, 2017, 09:30:06 AMHow cool! Someone other than me has mentioned my boobs.

boobs (.)(.), wait, trans ... (. )( .)
(is that a breach of TOS?)

Quote from: Jayne01 on December 20, 2017, 09:30:06 AM...I even made her blush once. She went all red and was a little embarrassed when I casually pointed down at my boy bits and said something about "chopping it off". My actions and the way I said it caught her totally by surprise. We both had a good laugh at that.

That was close to my Drs. reaction, no blush though.

Quote from: Jayne01 on December 20, 2017, 09:30:06 AMIt is awesome that you are able to openly talk with your wife about this stuff.

It really takes a load off. I do try to gauge it so that she doesn't get overloaded.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 21, 2017, 06:32:07 AM
Well, yesterday's 'surprise the wife at the door all prettied up' was a bust. Not due to the wife. I was all set to greet her, the dogs started making their welcoming noises, I looked out the window and .... my daughter and son-in-law.  :o

Ok, so they know I'm going through stuff, not the full extent, I don't think. In any case, I just couldn't bring myself to let them in as-is. I made a mad dash to the bedroom and changed really quickly into something more androgynous .. whew .. situation averted, big disappointment. My wife was all like, AWWW, when I told her my plan that failed. Some other day, I guess.

Up-note, did some online sale window shopping with her, ended up ordering 3 tops, I hope they turn out to be worth it. That led to my wife, after her shower, digging into the closet for a top she purchased, FOR ME, for Christmas and gave it to me. AWESOME, nice fitting top (be better when it has a couple boobs in it instead of one big boob). I loved it.  Gave me all kinds of heart tugs and belly flops (which led to some things that I'll not discuss, use your imagination)

I did ask her why she didn't wrap it and wait ... and .. she repeated some of my own words back at me from years ago. "Clothes are not for Christmas, clothes are bought for everyday, when needed, not as a present" ARRGGHH!! No No, not what I meant. Necessary day clothes are bought as needed, not as presents. It is perfectly fine to get a nice outfit as a present. I would have so loved to unwrap it with my children there and put it on.

I still feel good about it. It means that she is looking at things, feminine things, that she likes and thinks will look good on me (which it does ;D ) .. woooo ...

On to this morning. I did my eye makeup. I am not very good, took me so long the my Wife was going to come check on me (in case I died on the toilet, I guess). It passed her inspection, not perfect. She did agree that it brought out my eyes. I am sitting here at work with more makeup on then ever waiting for someone to comment, my belly is twisted just a little.

I will probably cop out and just say that my wife is practicing on me   :-\

So that brings us to now .. more good later, I hope.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 21, 2017, 06:56:46 AM
Bummer the "surprise" didn't go as planned. At least she appreciated the thought when you told her. It is so nice of her that she bought a top for you as a gift, also the way she gives you constructive feedback with your makeup.

Hope your belly doesn't get too twisted up while you're at work. Glad to see things are currently going well for you.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 21, 2017, 09:51:02 AM
  Faith,

  I'll agree with Jayne. It is sad your surprise didn't go the way you had hope but I can tell you I know that panic well when someone comes to the door when you are all dolled up. I had many years of it but the worst one was when my ex let the police in to escort my from my home. They did allow me enough time for a quick change and to pack one bag. That began my first period of living in my car while still trying to hold down my job. Wonderful memories right? I am glad your misadventure turned out so well for you... and for your wife.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 21, 2017, 10:10:13 AM
Laurie, Jayne, thanks. No, the evening didn't go as planned, it did end up better than I had planned though, just different :) I'm still riding high and feeling good.

Panic at sudden door knocks or no knocks since none of my family knock when they show up, they just barge in. It's worse with family. Delivery people (who do knock) see what they see, too bad for them ;D

Laurie, I feel bad for your hardships and at the same time feel blessed that I don't have it as bad .. now I feel guilty for feeling that way and having it, relatively, easy compared to others. I have my downs, and severe downs, thinking it over I really have more ups. Considering the short time since admitting things to myself I am amazed at how far I've come.

I really thank all of you for being here and literally putting your private life out here for others to relate to and commiserate with.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on December 21, 2017, 08:01:02 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 21, 2017, 10:10:13 AM
....

Panic at sudden door knocks or no knocks since none of my family knock when they show up, they just barge in. It's worse with family. Delivery people (who do knock) see what they see, too bad for them ;D

.....

Wow you came so close to just about pulling that off ...never mind I am sure you will get another chance. You make a good observation about your wife now looking at things for you in a feminine way and how they will look on you...it is a real shift in perspective. I know when my wife does it I still marvel. What it shows in a really solid practical way is just how solidly she supports you.

As for the above quote, I have been living fulltime now for about 9 months and my first reaction when the doorbell goes is still the same as it always has been and that is to dash for cover...only to find myself slapping my senses back and answering the door.  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: inenidok on December 21, 2017, 08:09:21 PM
My wife and kids also support me, and its awesome that they do. Happy to see your wife supports you as well
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 22, 2017, 01:50:24 PM
Today's update.

One of the guys I talk to everyday took the plunge and asked about my makeup. He basically said, "I'm just going to ask, what's with the makeup?"

I started laughing, too funny. He's a great guy and I really don't think he cares one way or the other. I asked him who else had noticed - pretty much everybody. Which makes sense, I am not exactly hiding. They were afraid to say something/ask me so were talking to him ... like he knew? So, he just straight up asked me. I like that.

I summed up that life's too short to worry about what people think and I'm wearing/doing things I like for me. I did not cross the gender line, not ready for that one, it's too soon. I'll cross that when the wife is (and I am, for that matter) 100% comfortable with my changes, or when they become so obvious there's no real choice.

Plus side overall, even though they were afraid to say anything, they don't treat me any different at this point.

He said he's going to tell them that he asked and I got mad and stormed out. I told him to use the phrase "hissy fit" HAH! I hadn't thought of that phrase for years much less heard it.

All in all, a good day to end the work week on and another high note for me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 22, 2017, 08:45:59 PM
Yes Faith I would say it was a high point and good for you girl ((Hugs)) It sounds like you made just have a friend there and I'll agree that they others are treating to okay even if they are asking questions. They will figure it out or be told soon enough. I would call it another step in becoming Faith. A little at a time and you will get there girl.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 23, 2017, 02:45:56 PM
That is great news Faith. It's pretty cool how this guy just asked you. It sounded like he was being respectful by asking rather than stay in the shadows listening to whispers from other colleagues. Your response to him was perfect.

It will be easier to come out with more information next time if/when the time comes.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 24, 2017, 11:33:43 AM
I am officially out to my sister-in-law (6 yrs younger than my wife).  For some reference, when my Wife and I first got married, for years her family was in limbo for living quarters (home rebuild, no room, etc. Not homeless) so she lived with us for years. Formative years, pre-teen to late teen. We consider her our first daughter, she's always treated me as a father. I gave her away at her wedding (I lie though, I kept her instead. Some things you cannot give away).

It was by text but we'll be following up with a call.  She's the one I mentioned previously was going to call. Somehow the cell lines criss-crossed and I never got her call although she tried. In any case, she's already familiar with transgender and associated disphoria.

100% supportive. I can't wait to actually talk to her, if I can hold the tears in check. I cannot believe how easy I choke up right now.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 24, 2017, 03:20:55 PM
Good news Faith.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 25, 2017, 05:58:56 AM
MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Just out of bed from an hour long snuggle session. Snuggling really gets you ready for the day


I got my phone call last night, had a nice long talk with 1st daughter/sis-in-law. Oh yeah! She's on board. There won't be issues on that front. She's also ready to start calling me Faith. Again, I just said whatever makes you comfortable, I'm good either way. I'm to tell her if it becomes an issue. I directed her to his forum to read up on my postings, in case I next anything uncovered.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on December 25, 2017, 06:38:32 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 25, 2017, 05:58:56 AM
MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Just out of bed from an hour long snuggle session. Snuggling really gets you ready for the day


I got my phone call last night, had a nice long talk with 1st daughter/sis-in-law. Oh yeah! She's on board. There won't be issues on that front. She's also ready to start calling me Faith. Again, I just said whatever makes you comfortable, I'm good either way. I'm to tell her if it becomes an issue. I directed her to his forum to read up on my postings, in case I next anything uncovered.

YES!!!!

What a wonderful Christmas gift! Today is definitely Merry. I'm so happy for you, Faith!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 25, 2017, 04:58:39 PM
More progress. I kind of feel bad posting this after reading Trudie's post.

I cornered my two girls (ok, caught them alone together) and made sure, for certain, that they knew exactly what was going on. They are onboard and fully supportive. My oldest is familiar since she is in training and currently working in a Dr's office that caters to transgender (which I didn't know).

My son, well, he lives in his own world and doesn't notice much unless you rub his nose in it. He does live with us though so my Wife made sure to point out some of my changes and clothes choices specifically. He doesn't care. He's a face value person, not into nuance and subtlety at all. If I'm happy, he's happy.

So for me, this has been one of the best Christmases ever. I wish that everyone could have the kind of days and the family support that I've had.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LJH24 on December 25, 2017, 05:05:07 PM
That's awesome to hear. I'm glad it's been such a wonderful Christmas for you. <3
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 25, 2017, 05:13:10 PM
I am glad to hear that, Faith.  It is so nice to have family on board.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 25, 2017, 05:26:07 PM
That is fantastic Faith. What a lovely Christmas this is for you. Your wife and kids are awesome.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on December 26, 2017, 02:22:34 PM
Hi Faith

I'm new here. I just read through this entire post. We are similar in many ways. You have more courage than I do however. I too have a wonderful wife, but I am only out to her. I am seeing a gender therapist so hopefully I will get better. I look forward to following your journey.

Katie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 26, 2017, 09:56:50 PM
Hi Faith,

   What can I say except AWESOME!! What a nice gift to receive. Now if we can get Faith 100% on board it will be FANTASTIC!!

Hugs to all the family and for you Faith.

Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 27, 2017, 06:46:34 AM
Quote from: raeanne on December 26, 2017, 02:22:34 PM
Hi Faith

I'm new here. I just read through this entire post. We are similar in many ways. You have more courage than I do however. I too have a wonderful wife, but I am only out to her. I am seeing a gender therapist so hopefully I will get better. I look forward to following your journey.

Katie

Welcome to the party Katie.  Pull up a seat, grab a hot drink, and relax.

Quote from: Laurie on December 26, 2017, 09:56:50 PM
Hi Faith,

   What can I say except AWESOME!! What a nice gift to receive. Now if we can get Faith 100% on board it will be FANTASTIC!!

Hugs to all the family and for you Faith.

Laurie

Laurie, Welcome home! Everything is AWESOME (well, except this morning). Trust me, I am closer to 100% than ever, which I'll detail shortly.
This morning had nothing to do with anything specific, just a morning where everything went wrong. Rats nest hair, smeary makeup, spilled stuff all over the kitchen floor (and myself) while putting my lunch together. I am sooo grumpy right now. It's a normal grump though, not a depression grump :)

I'll pull my thoughts together and post more in a bit,
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 27, 2017, 08:14:14 AM
We made it to my 1st therapist session yesterday. Very nice lady, definitely familiar and unafraid to touch on the subjects. I was worried when I found out that her office was at a church and held to 'christian' views that she might be uptight, condescending, or leaning toward the 'it's wrong' theory. That was not the case at all

Note: I don't have any issue with true Christians, I'm married to one, I do have issues with self-proclaiming posers that only push their own agenda ... but, enough of that ...

6 lbs of paperwork before we started (off the clock). Makes sense. It gives them some ammo to sift through and get things rolling. The questions all followed the 'get to know';'where do you stand'. Nothing surprised me. I was very comfortable with myself and my presentation. OH! presentation. I got to wear one of my new going-out outfits .. I totally rocked it, I felt GREAT! I could tell my wife liked it as well, not by what she said but in the way she looked at me. Which made me feel even better. To dress up as I like, go into public, and not have her be embarrassed by me .. big plus.

I honestly think I impressed the therapist with my outfit and comfort level wearing it. I knew there was no way I was going to my 1st session in male mode, nope, wasn't happening.

we touched on everything from the physical to the emotional to peer opinions. A very good all around start.

Maybe I was too comfortable. By the time we were half-way through talking, she started concentrating on my wife's responses and answers. I know my wife accepts, I know she loves me, but any talk of physical changes makes her uncomfortable. To be fair, any talk of anything sexual or dealing with genitals makes her uncomfortable. She was raised very strict and that's all private stuff. So, I don't think it was me specifically, just the topic in general.

The therapist covered work, what I wore (scribble note, scribble note, scribble .. therapists love to write). No, I don't dress this way at work. No, only the shirts are mens. Yes, I've been wearing makeup at work. How do people respond .. you get the drill ... OH! and YES, it's my real hair. I wear it this way all the time ;D

psst, several places in the questionnaire had male/female check boxes ... I drew a line through the whole thing .. she noticed.

that's all I can put thought to right now. Anyone with curiosity questions or comments, fire away.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 27, 2017, 08:24:55 AM
Yay!!  I am glad it was a good session.  It is important to be comfortable with your therapist.

Good for you for going dressed!  I was so scared that the best I could do for my first therapy appointments was an androgynous look.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 27, 2017, 01:03:32 PM
Hi Faith,

  I was pleased to read your account of your therapy session and that it was a joint one with your wife. That was awesome. Kudos to you for going en femme too. I think it was my 3rd session before I went en femme and I rocked it too just as I am sure you did. Not a dress but skinny jeans tucked into my stiletto high calf black boots, a white turtle neck, bid gold tone necklace and makeup and wig. It I was going to do it I was doing it right.
  It does sound like your therapist is interested in you and your wife and that is good she should be interested in helping both of you. This was but the first session and they will get more personal and intense as the issues come out. Don't let that scare you two off. It will only be things you need to address.
  Great! Now I have to keep my next appointment with mine after telling you that. I have been of two minds about going to my next appointment because I didn't like what he wanted me to do. No I haven't done it. It's still an issue for me.  There will be times like that.
   I'm glad you thought it was a good meeting. What did your wife think of it? She should be congratulated too. You better pass on the hug to her too.

Hugs for both of you,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 27, 2017, 01:51:52 PM
Hey Kathy, Laurie.

Thanks. Dressing did not feel brave or anything to me, it felt right. progress ;D I didn't break out in any fashion statements. Nice top, slacks, and my boots. There was no androgynous look about it though, definitely feminine :)

My wife liked her. She's not great about opening up (but expects me to .. say wha??!!!!  :P )  I've got her talked into a solo session next visit, at least for the first half hour. I told her I would go and wait outside to come in for the second half. She's not happy but she'll do it for me. I told her not to feel required to say anything that didn't relate to me and our situation.

I'll give her all kinds of hugs, hugs are good.  and Laurie, you'd better keep your appointment!  There's no "Do as I say, not as I do" around here.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 27, 2017, 02:10:22 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 27, 2017, 01:51:52 PM
Laurie, you'd better keep your appointment!  There's no "Do as I say, not as I do" around here.

We'll see... More than likely I will because I have to be up there for a voice lesson before it anyway. I'm still not happy with him.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 27, 2017, 02:48:36 PM
I'm glad your first therapy session went so well. Well done for dressing as you pleased and being comfortable doing so. I am 2 1/2 years into my therapy and still present as male 100% of the time. Hopefully that will soon change.

You have been doing so well up to this point without any therapy. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Therapy will help you fine tune any outstanding issues. It's awesome that your wife is also participating.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on December 27, 2017, 07:08:36 PM
I'm happy for you. I'm going to my 3rd session tomorrow. I go by myself and in male clothes.  Might gradually integrate female articles at first. We'll see.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 28, 2017, 06:56:34 AM
We had a bit of rockiness last night. My wife got to thinking about some of my comments in session, trigger words and phrases. She thought she had to 100% change everything she says and does and second guess everything - which is not what was intended.

Yes, certain ways of saying things bother me, it's not the end of the world. I think I made it clear that she has to be comfortable as well and doesn't have to change something that is important for her. Sometimes a simple turn of phrase has a personal meaning which makes it not so simple and very important.

Having her with me is the most important, having her accept me is most important (can you have 2 most important things?) anything else is secondary and can be worked out.
What's the little phrase? ...

Accept the things that I cannot change;
Change the things that I can;
Wisdom to know the difference.


The family and friends topic came up. We boiled down whose opinions mattered. Well, most already know so that's done. One son-in-law may decide to make an issue, or we're just thinking the worst and it'll be fine. The rest can just deal with it. There's one friend (and his wife) that would matter to me. I have no idea how they'll take it. They are probably the only ones that I am really afraid to open up to ... in time, not now.

Anyways, That's a simple update. I am not feeling down, I don't feel bad at all.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 28, 2017, 07:24:16 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 28, 2017, 06:56:34 AM
We had a bit of rockiness last night. My wife got to thinking about some of my comments in session, trigger words and phrases. She thought she had to 100% change everything she says and does and second guess everything - which is not what was intended.

Yes, certain ways of saying things bother me, it's not the end of the world. I think I made it clear that she has to be comfortable as well and doesn't have to change something that is important for her. Sometimes a simple turn of phrase has a personal meaning which makes it not so simple and very important.
Faith, you and I are similar in so many ways. My wife has tried changing how she uses pronouns. She doesn't use female pronouns with me just neutral. I didn't ask her to do that, she just did it on her own. The other day she told me that when I use certain pet girly names with her it breaks her heart because she can't use the pet male names she used to use with me. I need to clear that up with her. She can use any name or pronoun she likes with me. She gets a special pass that allows her to do that and nothing she calls me would ever bother me. You are right that your wife has to be comfortable as well. You are in this together. From everything you have ever said here, you are doing whatever you can for yourself but also for your wife. That is how you will continue to stay together and happy.

Quote
Having her with me is the most important, having her accept me is most important (can you have 2 most important things?) anything else is secondary and can be worked out.
YES!!! That is exactly how I feel. Having 2 most important things sounds contradictory but that is how I feel. There were only ever 2 things that sent me into a major meltdown. One was the thought of losing my wife and the other was the thought that she couldn't accept me and I could never make the changes I need to find peace. Either one of those would send me into an unrecoverable dive followed by a very destructive crash.

Anything else, I could handle. So to answer your question, I believe you can have 2 most important things.

Quote
What's the little phrase? ...

Accept the things that I cannot change;
Change the things that I can;
Wisdom to know the difference.

That phrase sounds familiar. Who said that? They are wise words.

Quote
The family and friends topic came up. We boiled down whose opinions mattered. Well, most already know so that's done. One son-in-law may decide to make an issue, or we're just thinking the worst and it'll be fine. The rest can just deal with it. There's one friend (and his wife) that would matter to me. I have no idea how they'll take it. They are probably the only ones that I am really afraid to open up to ... in time, not now.
All in good time, whenever you and your wife are both ready. If the friend you're worried about is a good friend, there shouldn't be any major issues. You are such a cool person, how could they possibly have any problems.

I am very pleased that your journey is going well so far with only some minor bumps, which are to be expected.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 28, 2017, 07:42:50 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on December 28, 2017, 07:24:16 AM
That phrase sounds familiar. Who said that? They are wise words.
Being a nerd at heart and the daughter of a librarian, I had to look it up.  It was Reinhold Niebuhr who said it.  More: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer)

Faith, it sounds like things are going well.  The important thing is that you and your wife are talking.  As long as you continue talking, you'll be fine.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 28, 2017, 07:50:39 AM
Thanks Kathy.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 28, 2017, 08:22:05 AM
ahh, pet names. That's easy. She's always called me honey or sweetie. no change there. She rarely using my real name. Only when in a room full of people and she wants to get my attention.

I did say that if a name is used with the pet name, I prefer Faith. Faith Honey, Faith Sweetie. Not my 'insert male name+pet name' as it sounds all wrong. She totally agreed. She's never used my 'insert male name+pet name' and tried it .. nope, she didn't like it either. It may turn into an easy way for her to start referring to me as Faith at times. OK by me and she doesn't have to, nor do I need her to do so. Occasionally would be nice :)

I've never liked my real name, ever, with no reasoning why. I never felt that it fit. It makes sense now, did something in me always know?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 28, 2017, 09:00:03 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 28, 2017, 08:22:05 AM
I've never liked my real name, ever, with no reasoning why. I never felt that it fit. It makes sense now, did something in me always know?
I never really thought about it until you mentioned it now. I don't think I ever really liked my male name either. I didn't dislike it, but thinking back I used to always wish I was called something else other than John. I don't know why. I guess deep down I wanted to be someone else. So many things can now be explained that I previously had no explanation for. Interesting!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 28, 2017, 09:14:43 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 28, 2017, 08:22:05 AM
I've never liked my real name, ever, with no reasoning why. I never felt that it fit.
It's probably time to stop calling it your "real" name.  It's your birth name or your male name, or maybe your legal name.  Your real name is Faith.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 28, 2017, 09:28:53 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on December 28, 2017, 09:14:43 AM
It's probably time to stop calling it your "real" name.  It's your birth name or your male name, or maybe your legal name.  Your real name is Faith.

point taken. I did start that way. I guess somewhere buried I'm still having resolution issues. There is no question that I much prefer Faith. It just settled in like wrapping up in a warm blanket on a cold morning. All warm and fuzzy.

I feel a bit self-conscious about it for some reason, like I'm trying to be someone else. Which I am, sort of, mostly I'm just trying to be myself.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on December 28, 2017, 09:47:15 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 28, 2017, 08:22:05 AM
ahh, pet names. That's easy. She's always called me honey or sweetie. no change there. She rarely using my real name. Only when in a room full of people and she wants to get my attention.

Interesting thing: Sue and I have never been "cutesy" or overly demonstrative, and we really don't have pet names for each other, though she does go by "Dragon Lady" because she's always loved dragons and enjoys pretending she's tough. Occasionally I'll refer to her as DL, but when speaking to each other we hadn't even used given names much. Yet lately to get my attention she's started using Steph. I hear it a lot around the house now, and yes...warm fuzzies!


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 28, 2017, 10:32:10 AM
Hi Faith,

   I know that phrase well having said it 4 -5 times a week for a number of years. Personally I cannot see why it would be triggering. It just goes to show that though we have a lot in common I am not in your head.  Perhaps it's a problem because you forgot the first line in it. "God, grant me the serenity" ... That is probably the most important part of that prayer. It acknowledges that you need help because you are unable to do it on your own.
  That was certainly true for me when it came to drinking. It was at court ordered AA meetings that I first heard it. I had to go or risk worse consequences. So I went. Then I kept going after I didn't have to in spite of my protestations that I was not an alcoholic. It took me 3 months to say that I was and accept (there that damn word again) that I was an alcoholic and that I belonged in those rooms and needed help. In doing so I gained a bit of that serenity the prayer requests. And remember in AA  "God", is a god of your choosing, no one else's. That prayer work for other problems besides drinking too.
  So my friend, my wish for you and your wife is that both of you find that serenity in your lives together.

Hugs,
  Laurie

P.S. I insisted that others use my birth name. I hated all derivatives of it. I left the dislike of the name for my Dad who didn't use it for him or me. He I allowed a nickname for me that no one else ever used. What was it? Butch Why I do not know.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 28, 2017, 10:44:53 AM
Laurie, I don't find the prayer phrase triggering, I meant it in reference to unimportant mildly triggering phrases. Basically, don't force or make a big deal of something trivial, save it for important things.

I do remember it as a prayer. I am not religious. I don't believe nor disbelieve in God. If I refer to God, I feel hypocritical.  I can't use the phrase 'God grant me ..." when referring to myself. So I leave things out unless pertinent to the discussion. I do not tell people that I'll pray for them, I do tell them I'm thinking of them.

I do like most of the teachings, I dislike a lot of the interpretations. I dislike organized religions, I am all for church people based religious gatherings. Church is the people, after all. My wife is a believer and a Christian. We seem to have gotten along these past 37 years fairly well .. barring a few surprises.  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 28, 2017, 11:55:53 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 28, 2017, 10:44:53 AM

I do remember it as a prayer. I am not religious. I don't believe nor disbelieve in God. If I refer to God, I feel hypocritical.  I can't use the phrase 'God grant me ..." when referring to myself. So I leave things out unless pertinent to the discussion. I do not tell people that I'll pray for them, I do tell them I'm thinking of them.


  My dear Faith, I share your views on religion. I have no problem with others having religious beliefs with a few exceptions. There are a couple I would like to shoot on sight. As far as a god goes I do not believe in a deity as such. My thoughts of a god would be more alone the lines of a life force that pervades all living things. That force that differentiates living from not living. Calling it god is a convenience and gave me something to call on when I admitted to myself I needed help that was beyond me. In my thoughts and in AA, as I said the word refers to a god of your choosing whatever that may be. It's whatever happens to work for you.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 29, 2017, 09:44:37 AM
Time for some more updates, I may ramble a bit.

Cleared out some more misgivings and concerns with my Wife, all good on the home front. In the 'old days' some of the discussion would have made me angry, sullen, and tight-lipped. Not anymore. I accepted her comments, mulled them around and responded the best that I could. Mostly with embarrassment and apologies (and tears). I was not a nice person many times over the years, I have no idea why she is still with me, I am so glad and lucky that she is!!


BONUS .. End of year work bonus, it will help over the hump of unplanned Dr and Therapist bills. And more Bonus .. I got my raise, not much but every little bit helps. We've had some hard times and it'll really help to pay down some of the huge bills hanging over us.


WORK .. Well, this was slightly unexpected.  I did not have any HR conversations planned. Well, she needed help with emailing some of the end-of-year items (computer challenged). I opened the door for comments. No problems at work. Some people have asked her "What's going on?" "What do I say/do?" etc. She, of course, could say nothing one way or the other, not knowing (and not supposed to). Nothing negative, all wondering and curious questions. I made it clear that they she can fill them in on what we spoke of and that they can acknowledge and/or ask questions. If they are comfortable enough to ask me, I'll do my best to answer. If it's too personal, I just won't answer it :)

So, while the word Transgender did not come up, everything about it did. It's pretty much ok and accepted. Just a bit of confusion while they figure out how to act around me .. I was like, how about acting normal? ;D I am apparently on my way to being officially 'out' at work.  Relieved? I'm still a bit nervous and anxious .. in a good way though.

ps. I wore my long-sleeve pink and lavender plaid blouse, to match my pink nails. I am officially outfitted 100% feminine at work right now. WoooOOOoo


I feel like there is so much more to add. So much has happened over the past months since starting an account here. I owe so much to the people here extending advice and support giving me the courage to face myself and move forward.  Thank You ALL !!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 29, 2017, 11:19:07 AM
Hi Faith,

  I would have to say multiple congratulations are in order. The first and foremost is for the open conversations with your wife, Congratulations!. I hope she was in on your pink top and nails decision for work. That is a big one and congrats on it too. I am sure that bonus is nice to get and will as you say help out with various things for you. You should consider something special for that wife of yours too as she really is special.
  I think I'll throw in another small congrats just for good measure.

   CONGRATULATIONS FAITH !!!

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 29, 2017, 11:29:16 AM
Quote... I hope she was in on your pink top and nails decision for work.

I did my nails last night. When I showed them to her, and she liked them, I made the comment about not sure about leaving it because of work. She said leave to leave them. The blouse was her idea since none of my 'work' shirts match.

I almost didn't wear it. I put on a normal dull 'work' shirt. I changed it just before leaving, no chance to change my mind again.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 29, 2017, 11:34:29 AM
Well, Good Job then Faith. I also saw your Happy post and it is a very good reason to be happy.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 31, 2017, 07:12:40 PM
horrendous internet, takes 15 mins to load a page. I'll be back when it gets fixed.  I'm not dropping off the face of the earth. I'm still floating on a multi-day high :)

I'll probably miss some posts so just in case:

WOW, you look great
Get your head out of there and straighten up, what's the matter with you?
I'm sooo glad for you.
I'm so sorry that happened.
Some people don't deserve feeling distressed over.
If that's how they are, they aren't friends anyways.
A good friend like that is hard to find, grab on tight .. but not too tight, their eyes might pop out.

pick one of the above  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Dena on December 31, 2017, 08:07:00 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 31, 2017, 07:12:40 PM
horrendous internet, takes 15 mins to load a page. I'll be back when it gets fixed.  I'm not dropping off the face of the earth. I'm still floating on a multi-day high :)
Possibly if you go to profile>modify profile>Look and Layout then turn off avatars and signatures your pages will load faster. Unfortunately you will need to stay away from threads with a large number of pictures posted in it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on December 31, 2017, 08:14:34 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 31, 2017, 07:12:40 PM
horrendous internet, takes 15 mins to load a page. I'll be back when it gets fixed.  I'm not dropping off the face of the earth. I'm still floating on a multi-day high :)

I'll probably miss some posts so just in case:

WOW, you look great
Get your head out of there and straighten up, what's the matter with you?
I'm sooo glad for you.
I'm so sorry that happened.
Some people don't deserve feeling distressed over.
If that's how they are, they aren't friends anyways.
A good friend like that is hard to find, grab on tight .. but not too tight, their eyes might pop out.

pick one of the above  ;D
I will pick the first two. Can I pick more than one?
The first one because I feel good, so I will pretend I also look good. Thank you by the way.
The second one because I am me and will no doubt need to be told to get my head out and pull myself together.

Happy New Year Faith. Don't stay away too long. I miss you when you are not around.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 31, 2017, 08:52:09 PM
pick as many as fit the moment, add some that I missed.

This is too frustrating. repair guy supposed to be out Tuesday, we'll see.  Meanwhile, here's a close up of our fire. (to hide the body count, jic). I'm pretty much out so I don't care about me. Anyone that might be on here to recognize me can just come up and say so, if they dare, but privacy for others is important as well.

(https://i.imgur.com/83r5VnM.jpg)

have a Happy New Year
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on December 31, 2017, 09:24:16 PM
Happy New Year Faith!

Sounds like we have similar ISP's. inexplicable slow downs & complete loss of service are quite frequent with mine....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 31, 2017, 10:03:56 PM
Thank you Faith. I'll wish you and your wife a very HAPPY NEW YEAR too,

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on January 01, 2018, 05:33:31 PM
It sounds like you have come a long way in a short time. I hope 2018 is good for you and your wife.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 02, 2018, 06:35:31 AM
Hey all, Welcome Rachel .. Sarah, did you get a welcome? Anyways, welcome both of you to my corner of the world.

After almost a week on a high note, things had to come down. No depression or misery, I'm just really 'blah' .. maybe it's returning to work, or that work interrupted a family evening last night (daughters and I were gathered around doing nails) and I had to drive in .. broke a nail in there somehow. It peeled itself off short .... grrr ....

Spent time yesterday building up a newer computer for my Wife. Hers was really old and running poorly .. I hate working on computers at home. It sets me off into grump-mode like nothing else can.

Eye makeup this morning :( ... For never having done it and no one to show me, I was dong well, I thought. This morning, puff here, poof there, mascara blob, big mess, hard to clean up. My eyes are burning, must have gotten some directly in my eyes. And I swear my hair changes on a daily basis, just so I can't get a consistent look. Oily, flat, dry, static, straight, curl out, curl in .. arrrggghh ...

Go ahead, laugh, those are normal day-to-day issues that have to be dealt with. Well, I never have had to deal with them. My mornings for years have brush teeth, splash water, quick comb ... done.

Have I mentioned the lab test the other morning? I don't remember and don't feel like scrolling back to look. blood draw for 28 tests. It really looked like the drew half my blood out .. in truth, it was maybe a few table spoons. The lab tech did scrummage around for matching pink bandage to go with my outfit. Dr follow-up on the 18th.

Considering the bad things that I could be posting I should just shut up. Can I go home now?

OO oo .. (how come you can't type that and have it look right?). So, the best non-gift I've had so far.
My wife casually mentioned that she almost bought me a light dress. Say what? From 'no dress' to 'that would look good on him/her/they/she/he (need to smash them together into a new pronoun somehow .. no not 'IT', I am not an IT).

I think I've purged out most of my brain mush .. back to work ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 02, 2018, 12:15:09 PM
Whaaat?!

  Faith how can you even say you don't like working on computers at home? That is fun, distraction, rewarding, and enjoyment. I've built a computer for no one before. I just wanted to build one again and bought the parts I didn't have a cobbled one together. I either sold it to a friend for what it cost me or gave it away I don't remember. Sometime there's a challenge to get one working right but that only adds to the satisfaction.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 02, 2018, 12:31:38 PM
Quote from: Laurie on January 02, 2018, 12:15:09 PM
Whaaat?!

  Faith how can you even say you don't like working on computers at home? That is fun, distraction, rewarding, and enjoyment. I've built a computer for no one before. I just wanted to build one again and bought the parts I didn't have a cobbled one together. I either sold it to a friend for what it cost me or gave it away I don't remember. Sometime there's a challenge to get one working right but that only adds to the satisfaction.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Laurie, you must understand. I started computers as a hobby back in the '80s. That was fun. I did that at home for years. Then I got hurt at the job I had at the time and couldn't do it anymore. Got a job in .. yep, computers. So years of 24x7 computers .. I got burned out. Now my day job is all workstations, servers, switches, network and every configuration thereof. I don't want to do it at home. My @home hobby is music (sing and play bass guitar).

Computers at home is like when I mechanic on my own cars, it immediately turns off my profanity filter. Doing mechanic work I am also good at, bad for the temperament.

work's calling .. biaf
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 02, 2018, 12:54:35 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 02, 2018, 12:31:38 PM
Laurie, you must understand. I started computers as a hobby back in the '80s. That was fun. I did that at home for years. Then I got hurt at the job I had at the time and couldn't do it anymore. Got a job in .. yep, computers. So years of 24x7 computers .. I got burned out. Now my day job is all workstations, servers, switches, network and every configuration thereof. I don't want to do it at home. My @home hobby is music (sing and play bass guitar).

Computers at home is like when I mechanic on my own cars, it immediately turns off my profanity filter. Doing mechanic work I am also good at, bad for the temperament.

work's calling .. biaf
What's to understand?  I have at least 10 more years at it than you. From discreet component computers,  room sized mainframes,  terminals, card and vacuum tape machines. Then PCs when they came out, laptops,  servers, disc arrays,and robotic tape libraries.  Now I build PCs for and help my friends.
   I have enjoyed doing it all and still do. For me it is fun.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 02, 2018, 02:06:33 PM
it's just too much. Working on computer at "work" takes all the fun out of computers for me. At home, I don't even like turning mine on. On to better fun things, like doing my nails.

speaking of, while we were doing the 'circle of nails' my daughter commented that she should have let me do hers instead of my other daughter ;D

out the door, on my way home now

take care.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 02, 2018, 02:45:00 PM
Hi Faith, sorry you are feeling "blah". Grey days are ........well, Grey.

I feel your hair frustration. My hair seems to be getting bigger rather than longer. It's out of control. I have been wearing a cap while working in the yard lately and my wife says I look like Crusty the clown from the Simpson's. My cap also has trouble staying on because my mop just pushes it off. I can't wait for gravity to start dragging my hair down instead of it continuing to grow "out".

I also hate working on computers. After years of tinkering and constantly trying to keep them running smoothly, I am over it. I would reach for my iPad before I reach for the laptop. It just works. However, my computer frustrations have greatly reduced since I ditched windows and switched to Mac. I haven't had to install a driver or reformat my computer since.

Please tell your wife that I think she is awesome! And as for the pronouns, how about ditching them and just go with Faith. You are a unique and beautiful person, there is no rule saying that pronouns are needed. But I am interested to see what kind of combined pronoun can be invented by the imaginative people here.

I hope your Grey doesn't last too long and the bright colours return to your mood.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 02, 2018, 03:58:05 PM
most of the 'gray' at this point is the weather. Florida? Where's the sun and heat!!??!!  It's also making me want to snack all day. I am really struggling to keep the munchies at bay.

I'm ashamed to say, I don't address myself as Faith (in my head, silly). I accept it, I know how it makes me feel, I really like it on the forums, but in my head I don't use it. Until I do, it won't feel right to ask or expect other to do so. One more step to make.

pronoun ... hmm .. hesheit ... ahahahahhheheeee .. no, not serious, just trying to get a laugh out.

side note, female co-worker is back from vacation (mentioned earlier somewhere/when). Opened up a dialog and gave her the term transgender. I told her to look it up if she gets curious about what's going on with me. knowing her, she won't look it up and just take me at face value. I'm ok with that.

More gray news. I ordered 3 tops, on-line. Knowing the sizing issues, and since I wanted them big, I ordered several sizes larger. Well, my wife now has three new tops  :( one top was tight even on her .. a 2XL!! What's up with that!!??!!????
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 02, 2018, 04:44:28 PM
I am in the same position as you with my name. I use Jayne on the forum and I like it and it feels natural. But for the rest of the time I find it hard to think o myself as Jayne, let alone ask someone else to address me that way. I guess that is why it's called transition and not switch. It takes time for things to gradually change.

Too bad the sizing of your tops was messed up. I think when they put a size label on clothing, it's just any label picked at random. You would think there would be some kind of universal standard. 1cm is 1cm everywhere (except for you non metric folks where 1cm is 0.383791 inches[emoji846]), so why can't clothing have a standardised measuring system? Oh well, sounds like a good excuse to hit the shops for some retail therapy.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 02, 2018, 04:54:52 PM
Bummer on the tops.  I purchased everything I have been wearing and have purchased a few things that did not seem to be the size I picked.

Name thing has caused me some thought and the more I see Cali, the morn its grown on me.  Maybe with a K and Kallie? Not sure on the middle name and no one better suggest Fornia
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 02, 2018, 05:11:33 PM
Quote from: Cali on January 02, 2018, 04:54:52 PM
Bummer on the tops.  I purchased everything I have been wearing and have purchased a few things that did not seem to be the size I picked.

Name thing has caused me some thought and the more I see Cali, the morn its grown on me.  Maybe with a K and Kallie? Not sure on the middle name and no one better suggest Fornia

Kali Fornia .. umm .. mum .. very mum. my mind goes down some very wrong turns sometimes ;D

I took the positive out of the wrong tops. In the 'old' days, I would have been pissed off, angry mad. Now, just disappointed. That's a plus.  The company will still get an earful though, trust me on that one.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 02, 2018, 05:20:38 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 02, 2018, 03:58:05 PM
I'm ashamed to say, I don't address myself as Faith (in my head, silly). I accept it, I know how it makes me feel, I really like it on the forums, but in my head I don't use it. Until I do, it won't feel right to ask or expect other to do so. One more step to make.
I tend not to address myself by name at all in my thoughts.  But I did embarassingly dead-name myself a couple of times in public.  It was just an automatic thing: someone says, "Hi, I'm <whoever>" and I would automatically say, "Hi, I'm <deadname>."  I think I have managed to override that programming and now respond appropriately.

I do still have trouble with my own pronouns.  I'll be talking to the dog and I'll say, "Dad is going to put on his her shoes now."  The Dad part is fine - I've decided not to confuse the poor pupper by changing my "name", but I need to work on my pronouns.  Or I might think to myself, "Hey, I'm a nice guy girl." 

I'm still a work in progress, so I have to be a bit lenient with others.  I'll correct them, but I don't get mad.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on January 02, 2018, 05:38:09 PM
Names, it took me a while to lose my dead name in my head and respond 100% of the time to Rachel. It is pretty cool at work, everyone calls me Rachel and refers to me as she and her. It is all normal now. It really helps when others always refer to you as you.

This may sound silly but it will help until you go out and try things on. Use a spreadsheet. You need it per clothing manufacturer and type of clothing. Bras and panties are an issue too. Same with Nike and UA and others. Chalk it up to a woman's life.

I just got a great tip from a woman at work for a place that sells workout gear in center city Philly by the gayborhood. I can get workout gear for 40% the cost of Nike and UA. I had just purchased the super heat tops and bottoms to combat the 3 degree F temps this weekend in the early morning. So I look for a woman that I like her style of clothing and ask her where she buys. Most everyone buys the sales.

Woman like to shop and they may offer to go with you and help. It is a really cool way to spend some time.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 02, 2018, 08:06:48 PM
Mods, don't remove. I am aware of 'nothing leaves the internet once shared'. It's not a problem.


Time to put me out there/here. These are not 'trying to pass' pictures. These are simply, 'I'm comfortable and going to my daughter's house' pictures. The top is a Christmas present, honestly, it's also the most comfortable one that I have.

So here I am, the real me, old and wrinkled and everything. I did not try to fix myself up.
psst, ignore the shoes. Those are my grungy walk-around tennis shoes. I forgot to change them.

(https://i.imgur.com/5ejUhcN.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/uuq76wh.jpg)
  (https://i.imgur.com/0whpYFO.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/oWMavex.jpg)

HEY!!  Be Nice!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 02, 2018, 08:08:48 PM
Nice, kinda jealous, I probably weight at least 100 more lol.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 02, 2018, 08:18:39 PM
Faith! You look GREAT, sister! So cool that you got yourself out there for us! Now I'll recognize you when we meet up! I'm using too many exclamation points!! I don't care! I'm too excited for you!

Whew. Seriously, you look fantastic. Congratulations, my friend. It's another great step forward.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 02, 2018, 08:34:55 PM
Hey Faith....wow!!! You look really good!! Amazing! Is that your real hair? I'm jealous! If I painted my hair in multiple colours, I would look like Crusty the clown...seriously!!! Now I'm using too many exclamation points! Blame Steph!! [emoji12]

That's another big step forward for you.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: bobbisue on January 02, 2018, 09:45:24 PM
     Faith you look great I need lots of makeup to look that good and I am full time since Dec 9th passed once and gave up being self conscious and remember your true beauty is on the inside

     bobbisue :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 02, 2018, 09:50:12 PM
Cali (Kali, make up your mind ;D ), I was 30+ lbs heavier just 2 months ago .. it can be done.

Steph and Jayne, stay thyne exuberance. I know there's lots of work to be done before I'm presentable. Like I said, I'm told I'm a good looking guy. I suppose, but that's not what I'm looking for. I just hope for some progress over the next year or so. These are my before pics. (taken tonight, btw, so they are fresh off the press).

Yes Jayne, that is my natural hair, hair color, and style. If I wash my hair, comb it down straight, let it dry, that's what it looks like all on it's own. It is slightly flatter than normal in those pictures, must be the little bit of conditioner that I used last night.

Bobbisue (really, no space? ;) ) I will confess to a little bit of eyeliner and mascara on there. I hadn't cleaned up yet from work. nothing on the face or lips though.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 02, 2018, 09:53:25 PM
Hey Faith,

  Thank you for coming out of the closet for us.  You do not look old and wrinkled. you don't look bad at all and when you have been on HRT for awhile those lines from your nose to the corner of your mouth should fill in some and soften, mine did. I can tell some of the differences in the contour of my cheeks too. Wish I had your hair. sigh
  I have also been using ROC 5 in 1 night cream and their 5 in 1 face moisturizer too, it might be helping also.

If there is hope for me there's hope for you sister.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on January 02, 2018, 10:01:53 PM
You look good Faith!! My only criticism - you're going to need a bigger purse.  ;D Seriously, I had a small one at first and had to upgrade quickly.
That last pic you have a 'looking off into the future' look. I like it! You know there's better things coming, and you're ready for them.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 02, 2018, 10:06:25 PM
Gee Faith,

Do I really have to make up my mind?  I thought that was one of the perks of Womenhood in not having to do such.

So many thoughts, so little time.  I can wait to go to bed and wake up for tomorrow to be here.

Hugs
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 03, 2018, 06:29:08 AM
Thanks everyone, I do think you're being too kind. I still stand like a guy, I didn't realize it until I looked at the pictures :(

Cali, if people aren't sure what to call you, they make something up. Watch out for Steph. They only thing she doesn't do is make short jokes.

Sarah, bigger purse? I don't think so. If I want to carry luggage I'll save my money for a proper vacation trip. 'Looking to the future' Well, yeah, kind of. I was looking at my grand-daughter who was sticking her tongue out at me (she's 12). The future is in whose hands? scary.

Laurie, the wrinkles are there, distance is kind ;D and coming out? I had to let everyone here have some idea of whom they were talking with. I did state that I'd post a pic when I found something suitable. These are about as good as it gets right now. Nothing for a profile picture yet though. Maybe tonight if I don't get seriously uglified. I did promise Natalie a proper profile picture.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 03, 2018, 10:11:58 AM
Faith,

  Seriously try some good night cream and facial moisturizer with Retinal in it and give hrt some time to do it's thing (several months). You will see a difference.

  I hadn't even noticed the stance but you are right , women tend to stand with feet closer together with their weight mainly on one foot making a hip stick out a little more. They also tend to carry things close to the body and cradled in an arnm.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 03, 2018, 10:27:24 AM
elbows in, butt and hips out, shoulder back, neck straight ... I'm a pretzel  ;D
I'm reminded of a Jerry Lewis movie ......
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 03, 2018, 03:28:34 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 03, 2018, 10:27:24 AM
elbows in, butt and hips out, shoulder back, neck straight ...
Or as the drill instructor summed it up for the female platoon when I was on Basic, "Stick yer t*ts out!"

Faith, you look great!  Thank you for sharing your photos.  You have lots of potential there for HRT to work its magic.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 03, 2018, 03:38:56 PM
Thanks Kathy. I really appreciate your (inclusive to others) comments.  I may miss a thank you here and there, hopefully everyone knows.

I really felt this forum should be the first place that I infected, erm, posted in my new styles. You can expect more as I try things unless I delete them due to, um, poor lighting .. yeah, poor lighting.

I wonder though, I was typing something in here and .. bling .. email alert. Something is going on. I can read and read with no new activity .. until I start typing. oddest thing.

I had a happy sad moment. Picking up our dog from the vet (infected cyst removal, she's fine) .. anyway, the gal there kept calling me 'My Dear'. Felt Good. I ruined it by asking her about it .. she calls everyone 'My Dear'. Oh well, that'll teach me :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 03, 2018, 04:04:04 PM
My Dear Faith, take it whichever way makes you feel better.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 03, 2018, 04:35:15 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 03, 2018, 03:38:56 PMshe calls everyone 'My Dear'. Oh well, that'll teach me :P
There's worst things you could be called.  I'd take it with a smile.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 03, 2018, 05:46:32 PM
  Yes my Dear. Do as Kathy says "Take it with a smile"  errrr Kathy are you sure that's how you wanted to phrase that?  :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: I guess it is okay coming from you Kathy.
  But you be careful, Faith, if someone named Bubba says it to you.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 03, 2018, 06:17:33 PM
Quote from: Laurie on January 03, 2018, 05:46:32 PM
  Yes my Dear. Do as Kathy says "Take it with a smile"  errrr Kathy are you sure that's how you wanted to phrase that?  :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: I guess it is okay coming from you Kathy.
  But you be careful, Faith, if someone named Bubba says it to you.

Hugs,
   Laurie

I'm not worried, If someone named Bubba calls me that, my Wife will teach him manners ;D

A Quick story my Wife told me.
she was in the car, radio on, and the host asked a question, "Can you name something that your husband does that is more girly than you?"  She said, she was like .. OO I want to answer that ... EVERYTHING!  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Devlyn on January 03, 2018, 06:24:25 PM
You may not be trying to pass, but youre going to have a beautiful relationship with it!   :-*

Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 03, 2018, 06:31:28 PM
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 03, 2018, 06:24:25 PM
You may not be trying to pass, but youre going to have a beautiful relationship with it!   :-*

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm so comfortable right now I don't know what to do with myself. Even my gloomy'ish days are better than I've known in a long while.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 03, 2018, 06:34:32 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 03, 2018, 06:31:28 PM
I'm so comfortable right now I don't know what to do with myself. Even my gloomy'ish days are better than I've known in a long while.

A sure sign that you're on the right path.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 03, 2018, 06:39:41 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 03, 2018, 06:17:33 PM
I'm not worried, If someone named Bubba calls me that, my Wife will teach him manners ;D

A Quick story my Wife told me.
she was in the car, radio on, and the host asked a question, "Can you name something that your husband does that is more girly than you?"  She said, she was like .. OO I want to answer that ... EVERYTHING!  ;D
Your wife is so awesome!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 04, 2018, 07:06:15 AM
Quote from: Laurie on January 03, 2018, 05:46:32 PM
  Yes my Dear. Do as Kathy says "Take it with a smile"  errrr Kathy are you sure that's how you wanted to phrase that?  :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: I guess it is okay coming from you Kathy.
  But you be careful, Faith, if someone named Bubba says it to you.

Hugs,
   Laurie

* Shakes head. *  Laurie, Laurie, get your mind out of the gutter.  >:-) Tsk, what are we going to do with you?  Maybe put you up on a fridge or something.

Around here, calling people "dear" is a local custom.  Tourists think it's quaint.  There are rules, though.  Only a woman can use it, but it can be used when speaking to either a man or a woman.  It is most common woman-to-woman.  If a man used it to a woman, it would be creepy.  And if a man said it to a man, there'd by fisticuffs.  It is considered an acceptable way for a woman to address a stranger.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 04, 2018, 07:24:28 AM
NO GUTTERS!  No one wants to talk about plumbing or any associated cracks thereof

"My Dear" I did like being called that, too bad she says it to everyone. :(

Another good start. Mood still up. Sitting here at work (not working) in my red flannel blouse that my wife fitted for me. Much better then the tent shape that it had. I don't have much waist, anything that accents it is good.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 05, 2018, 07:19:27 AM
Time to add to my journal, progress, diary, verbal vomit, call it what you will.

First, Still feeling good. I've found a mental balance for now, I'll ride it for however long it lasts. I still avoid mirrors for overall views. When I look, it has to be for a specific point .. just hair, just shaving, etc. No full body mirrors, nope.

I sent a private message to Steph and Jayne for some feedback. I really appreciate the time they took to go through a photo session that my Wife insisted that I take, she really got into it. The goal was to narrow down to a photo or two to share. I can't do it. Sorry, I just can't post something that looks like an ugly old dude in a dress .. and legs, yuch, cover those things up. The photos will serve for a future comparison assuming I ever get on HRT.

I will show off my bedtime braid. My wife does it when my hair is still wet before bed.
(https://i.imgur.com/nvwYJU1.jpg?1)

It's a bit grainy. An old phone in dim light doesn't mix well.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 05, 2018, 02:09:41 PM
Well, I see that most of my labs results are back. I looked at them, I'm clueless as to what it all means. Summation is, everything is in the green ranges, some teetering on the edge. What that means overall?  No Idea.

10 more days to the next Dr visit ..... *drumming fingers on desk* ......
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 05, 2018, 02:17:46 PM
My Dear Faith,

  Those lab results are for your doctor to interpret y'know? But if you were to post them you might get some feedback about them that you can understand. Though when it comes down to it "everything is in the green ranges" is really all you need to know and that is provided the ranges are for females.

Your braid makes me jealous. hell having someone to braid it for you makes me jealous.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 05, 2018, 02:25:54 PM
No HRT for me, these are baselines .. so it's all green ranges for males. But, that's what I meant about 10 days to wait ..... Drs should be on my schedule, not theirs  ;D

No braid credit on my part I just have the hair, she does all the work. I can barely do a simple braid on someone else. She can braid her own hair that way. How the heck can someone do that without being able to see it?

She did say it's getting easier now that it's growing out a bit more.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 05, 2018, 02:59:43 PM
I should have remember the hrt part. I'll just blame my lapse on my sometimers affliction and mild migraine.

You have the hair + you have someone to braid said hair = jealous Laurie

What little I have is as blond as when I was a towheaded  young boy.

Day light                                                                             
(https://i.imgur.com/rI6RJqN.jpg) 

Fluorescent light
(https://i.imgur.com/qYqnqK4.jpg)

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 05, 2018, 03:14:43 PM
I'll have the wife snap a picture from the back with no braid. I can't do it. My arms don't work that way  :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 05, 2018, 05:48:42 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 05, 2018, 02:09:41 PM
Well, I see that most of my labs results are back. I looked at them, I'm clueless as to what it all means. Summation is, everything is in the green ranges, some teetering on the edge. What that means overall?  No Idea.

10 more days to the next Dr visit ..... *drumming fingers on desk* ......
I don't understand my blood test result either. Just a bunch of numbers. Seeing my E and T way out of the green band always makes me smile, since the green band is for males.

Waiting can be a drag. I think all the planets and cosmic forces get together to slow time down when you are waiting for something. I also have 10 days to wait....oooo wait, it's now 9 days to my Dr visit. I see him on the 15th to get my implant and get some more blood drawn this Monday prior to seeing the doc.

We can throw some fruit around to pass the time. I seem to have a huge pile here that came from the direction of that fridge over there.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on January 05, 2018, 06:31:14 PM
I just got the results for my one year checkup. The lab keeps switching between male and female for reference ranges, this time they used male and sure enough the values are all out of control (but that is good since they are in normal female range).
I started off on the lower end of Testosterone and now it is virtually non existent.

Here are the reference values my lab uses, maybe that helps making some sense of it:

Female Estradiol Reference Range (pg/mL)
Follicular Phase 19-144
Mid-Cycle 64-357
Luteal Phase 56-214
Postmenopausal < or = 31

Female Testosterone
2-45 ng/dL

Female Testosterone Free
0.1-6.4 pg/mL


Male Estradiol
< or = 39 pg/mL

Male Testosterone
250-1100 ng/dL

Male free Testosterone
35.0-155.0 pg/mL

Baseline testing is normal and usually doctors check frequently until they have adjusted the medication so you have good levels, then they check every 6 - 12 month. Looking back through my results, Testosterone took about 4 month to get into female range while Estradiol jumped into a normal range pretty instantly.

Good luck with your next test!

Quote from: Jayne01 on January 05, 2018, 05:48:42 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 05, 2018, 02:09:41 PM
Well, I see that most of my labs results are back. I looked at them, I'm clueless as to what it all means. Summation is, everything is in the green ranges, some teetering on the edge. What that means overall?  No Idea.

10 more days to the next Dr visit ..... *drumming fingers on desk* ......
I don't understand my blood test result either. Just a bunch of numbers. Seeing my E and T way out of the green band always makes me smile, since the green band is for males.

Waiting can be a drag. I think all the planets and cosmic forces get together to slow time down when you are waiting for something. I also have 10 days to wait....oooo wait, it's now 9 days to my Dr visit. I see him on the 15th to get my implant and get some more blood drawn this Monday prior to seeing the doc.

We can throw some fruit around to pass the time. I seem to have a huge pile here that came from the direction of that fridge over there.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 05, 2018, 07:21:05 PM
Quote from: sarah1972I just got the results for my one year checkup. ...<snip>...Baseline testing is normal and usually doctors check frequently until they have adjusted the medication so you have good levels, then they check every 6 - 12 month. Looking back through my results, Testosterone took about 4 month to get into female range while Estradiol jumped into a normal range pretty instantly. Good luck with your next test! ...<snip>...

Yep, my results show the ranges. I thought (hoped) they'd be farther out of whack. I don't know what it means for the next step. Just have to wait and see.

Quote from: LaurieYou have the hair + you have someone to braid said hair = jealous Laurie

OK, I said I'd post a couple hair pics. I am just about to go shower so here it is, 3 days dry and ready to wash.

(https://i.imgur.com/Gqprgic.jpg?1)  (https://i.imgur.com/Xckr7bW.jpg?1)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 05, 2018, 07:54:03 PM
I hate you. All that hair. I like the way it catches the light. Yours is full of color too compared to my thin colorless little mop and I cropped the picture to minimize the bald areas. I am still waiting for mine to change color. Maybe with this puberty it will. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 05, 2018, 08:04:56 PM
Quote from: Laurie on January 05, 2018, 07:54:03 PM
I hate you. All that hair. I like the way it catches the light. Yours is full of color too compared to my thin colorless little mop and I cropped the picture to minimize the bald areas. I am still waiting for mine to change color. Maybe with this puberty it will. :)

pm me your address and I'll send some to you. I still have a small pony tail around here somewhere. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on January 05, 2018, 09:51:55 PM
Wow, beautiful hair!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on January 06, 2018, 07:09:37 AM
I agree, your hair is lovely!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 06, 2018, 07:53:08 AM
aww, thanks gals. I love my hair.

My hair was handed down from my Mom. The color is primarily glittery silver. The dark has started coming back in for some reason. Maybe something in my diet. Premature gray runs in family from my Mom's side. I started going gray when I was 17.

It's all natural. I don't do anything other than wash, condition, comb. For many years it was simply Head&Shoulders 1 or 2 times a week. I'm a firm believer in minimal work and natural oils.

I am thinning in the front/top. Male pattern thinning I suppose. I can still hide it easy enough when dry. It's real obvious when wet. By thin I mean, thin for me. Plenty of hair compared to others.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 06, 2018, 08:58:50 AM
Add me to the list of people who like your hair.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 09, 2018, 06:48:20 AM
minor crisis averted. well, no, not a crisis.  Weather changes bother me. Worst when going cold to warm, like now. Total gray bleak mood yesterday. Morning went wrong, found a clump of something on my blouse, set me off even more. Grabbed the grayest shirt that I had, no face glob, didn't even comb my hair .. went to work.
The day dragged and dragged. Got home, couldn't even greet my wife properly. Flopped on the couch, stuck a pillow over my face and snoozed.

My Wife got depressed from it, not knowing what was what, and took the dog for a walk. I got up feeling a bit improved, hit the streets to find her. Met up halfway through the walk. Big hug + explanation.

Nope, not a 'gender' depression. Same old weather induced crappy mood that I've gotten for years. Best approach that I've ever found is to avoid interaction and sleep it off. I am not someone to talk to when in that mood.

Evening continued to improve. Went to my daughters for her birthday, the Wife made dinner. ICK! crappiest ham I ever tasted. Dinner for me was a bust but I still felt better. By the time I got home I was tired but I felt more like myself.

Today is a new day. Tonight is another therapy session. Then some music, unless we cancel. It's outdoors, too nasty and we don't go. Countdown to the next Dr visit ... 6 days
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 09, 2018, 07:50:41 AM
Nice avatar picture Jayne! You look beautiful.

Sorry to interrupt the thread. I just had to tell her.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 09, 2018, 10:35:30 AM
Jayne!  You commandeering my thread and you're not even here?!?!
That's ok, It's a good picture and you need to hear it no matter where it's posted, so come visit and respond. hmm, but to read this you'd have to come here so you wouldn't have to visit being already here. Come visit anyway  :)

Nonsensical side note. I went for a walk around the parking lot (I do this 3-4 times daily for step count, plus I sit too much) .. I digress. I went for a walk and the sun is shining (almost broke a sweat ... stop digressing ...). So, the sun is shining therefore there is a shadow. Catching this shadow out of the corer of my eye .. hmm .. that's a girl's shadow. Granted, shadows are distorted depending on time of day, angle, blah blah blah. Still, typically no matter how distorted it was it still looked like a guy walking when I bothered to pay attention. Today, I saw no guy in the shadow at all.

progress

now, if only I could get some boobs in the shadow instead of only one boob .....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 09, 2018, 10:37:34 AM
Quote from: raeanne on January 09, 2018, 07:50:41 AM
Nice avatar picture Jayne! You look beautiful.

Sorry to interrupt the thread. I just had to tell her.

HAH, Raeanne (always liked that name) I was posting my 'pretend irate' message at the same time that you edited  your's. You can interrupt my thread any time that you want, no worries.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 09, 2018, 11:05:23 AM
I'm pretty new here and I don't want to break any rules or anything.

I've been following yours and Jayne's posts and I just noticed what I thought was her new avatar photo as I was about to go into my therapy session. I just wanted to tell her how pretty she looked. Now I'm just waiting for your updated avatar! (Haha)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 09, 2018, 11:16:17 AM
Quote from: raeanne on January 09, 2018, 11:05:23 AM
I'm pretty new here and I don't want to break any rules or anything.

I've been following yours and Jayne's posts and I just noticed what I thought was her new avatar photo as I was about to go into my therapy session. I just wanted to tell her how pretty she looked. Now I'm just waiting for your updated avatar! (Haha)

my avatar .. hmm .. when I manage to get a picture taken that I'm happy with. So many pretties on here (you included) that it's very hard to get myself to upload one.

Rules for my thread, well, goes without saying that forum rules come first. After that, no negative comments about me unless I make them and then you're obligated to tell me what an idiot I am .. in a positive manner ;D

constructive criticism is allowed, however, it must be followed up with an appropriate smiley to soften the blow

no mentioning how short Stephanie looks, she's very touchy. Speaking of, don't slam the fridge door, she might fall off.

hmm, I may have to think of a few more. I can't be leaving any loopholes.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 09, 2018, 11:35:23 AM
Thanks, I just don't want to see any negatives in my reputation box. Especially this soon.

I KNOW we are our own worst critics on our looks. It is kind of funny though that now I really enjoy taking pictures of myself as Raeanne, but I never liked pictures of my male self.

I think that we all look better as females than we do as males. Probably because we're happier. I bet yours will be awesome! But no hurry. When you're ready. It took me a long time on another forum.

As my therapist just told me this morning. Baby steps.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 09, 2018, 12:11:37 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 09, 2018, 11:16:17 AM
After that, no negative comments about me unless I make them and then you're obligated to tell me what an idiot I am .. in a positive manner ;D

constructive criticism is allowed, however, it must be followed up with an appropriate smiley to soften the blow

no mentioning how short Stephanie looks, she's very touchy. Speaking of, don't slam the fridge door, she might fall off.

  HA HA HA HA HA!!!  Nice try Faith.  You know darn well those rules won't fly with me. I'm going to tell you what I think and smack you up the side of the head when you need it too. :angel: ;D ;D :D :P :-* :angel: :angel: ;D :angel: ::) ::) ::) ;D

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 09, 2018, 12:20:58 PM
Come on now Laurie, let's not lead the newbie astray. I'm just trying to keep some guidelines in place that benefit me the most keeps things nice and friendly for all involved
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 09, 2018, 12:27:20 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 09, 2018, 12:20:58 PM
Come on now Laurie, let's not lead the newbie astray. I'm just trying to keep some guidelines in place that benefit me the most keeps things nice and friendly for all involved

Hey youngin, don't you go worrying about raeanne. I'm already talking to her and will have her in hand before long. You just concentrate on those things you need to take care of yourself. Behave or Stephanie will have company up there on the fridge...

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 09, 2018, 12:32:56 PM
I'm changing my name to "myheadsaspinnin"!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 09, 2018, 12:45:46 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 09, 2018, 11:16:17 AMno mentioning how short Stephanie looks, she's very touchy. Speaking of, don't slam the fridge door, she might fall off.

Ya know, I used to hate being little until 1) I started flying, and 2) I started transitioning. It's a huge advantage for both. So if you call me short now, I'll take it as a compliment. So nyah.

And I've got a pretty good grip on the top of the fridge, considering all the sticky dust up here. Might have to peel me loose.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 09, 2018, 01:19:37 PM
I may need to get this topic renamed to "My Progress of Tangents" or "My Life Derailed" or "How to Get Short people Off Your Fridge" or "Gnomes, Know One?" or "Confusion, It Really is as Simple as it Seems" or "Fruits, Don't Talk About Fruits" or ..  "I have no idea where I'm going with this, I'm just goofing off at work"

I got nothin' constructive. Time to get out my Lincoln Logs
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 09, 2018, 01:30:48 PM
Reanne, thank you for your nice comments about my avatar.

Faith, I'm here, I'm here! A girl needs her beauty sleep you know. Besides, you forget I'm from the future, so I can drop by many hours later and still be here before you. Huh? Did that make sense? All this time travelling is making my head spin. It's 6:10am on Wednesday morning right now, for reference.

Sorry you have been feeling the weather blues, or would that be the weather greys? On the positive side, crappy weather makes the sun seem brighter and the sky bluer when it does eventually clear up. You saw your real shadow while walking, that was pretty cool.

Reanne, I wouldn't worry about shorty up on the fridge. She throws fruit occasionally, but she is harmless. She is all warm and fuzzy like a teddy bear with a heart of gold.

Laurie is the one you need to look out for. She will slap you up side of the head when you least expect it. But her heart is always in the right place and we all love her. Besides, the slaps are usually deserved and she gets a "thank you" for handing them out. Welcome by the way.

Now for some smileys so I don't break Faith's runes.  [emoji56][emoji56][emoji56][emoji15][emoji15][emoji16][emoji12][emoji12][emoji41][emoji41][emoji41][emoji56][emoji56][emoji56][emoji56]

Jayne [emoji56][emoji56][emoji56][emoji56][emoji56][emoji56]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 09, 2018, 03:43:03 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 09, 2018, 01:19:37 PM
I may need to get this topic renamed to "My Progress of Tangents" or "My Life Derailed" or "How to Get Short people Off Your Fridge" or "Gnomes, Know One?" or "Confusion, It Really is as Simple as it Seems" or "Fruits, Don't Talk About Fruits" or ..  "I have no idea where I'm going with this, I'm just goofing off at work"

I got nothin' constructive. Time to get out my Lincoln Logs

As long as it's not your Erector Set.

Oh, I said that out loud, didn't it?


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 09, 2018, 03:46:59 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on January 09, 2018, 03:43:03 PM
As long as it's not your Erector Set.

Oh, I said that out loud, didn't it?


- Stephanie

My erector set is broken ......
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 09, 2018, 03:48:58 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 09, 2018, 03:46:59 PM
My erector set is broken ......

Legos
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 09, 2018, 04:02:11 PM
I wanted to add to this constructive conversation but........I got nothin'

Blank Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 09, 2018, 04:05:05 PM
You can erect with legos until you lego, then you got nuthin'
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 09, 2018, 04:42:21 PM
Sometimes, being the normal one makes me feel so alone.   ::)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 09, 2018, 04:45:45 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on January 09, 2018, 04:42:21 PM
Sometimes, being the normal one makes me feel so alone.   ::)
Kathy, if it makes you feel better, I don't think your normal. Normal is boring. You're never alone.

Group hug for Kathy
(((((HUG)))))

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 09, 2018, 05:21:51 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 09, 2018, 04:45:45 PM
Kathy, if it makes you feel better, I don't think your normal. Normal is boring. You're never alone.

Group hug for Kathy
(((((HUG)))))

Jayne

Normal is a place in Illinois!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 10, 2018, 12:16:03 AM
 Yes, Cali, Normal is a place in Illinois and I know a guy that lives there. We used to play World of Warcraft together.

  Y'all best watch where you step. I took Stephanie down from the fridge today. She had to pee and run some sort of meeting. Poor girl thinks she the president now.

  Faith Honey you hush now and go get that beauty sleep. Nitey Nite.

raeanne don't pay Jayne no mind. She been boxing with too many roos and well the poor thing can't put a single coherent sentence together anymore.

Jayne come over her sweetie I've got a nice ripe banana for you. No more of those awful apples.

Kathy Jayne did get one thing right. You aren't normal Dear. No, you are Canadian and there is nothing normal about you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on January 10, 2018, 12:35:15 AM
And the award for most derailed (yet highly entertaining) topic.....   :icon_tenisclap:

You're all really one-uping Ellie's thread for silliness. She's really going to have to up her game. ;)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 10, 2018, 06:40:02 AM
Who left this mess?  I go away for the evening and you guys can't even clean up after yourselves? Legos and bits of erector sets (did someone try to dismember them?), and lincoln logs everywhere. umm, you shouldn't build things like that and leave it lying around, kids might see it. I'll bet Steph did it right after going pee. You should have left her on the fridge.


Previous evening update.  Felt like crap, My shoulder is really messed up, I couldn't enjoy my music night. We left early.


Therapy went well, I think, I was stuck outside on the bench. My wife, who wasn't sure she wanted to go alone, sucked up the whole hour chatting. Ah well, I assume it all went Ok since she was still in a good mood when she came out. We talked about it a little bit. The therapist was totally surprised at the fact the my wife and I actually talk, about everything. She'd bring something up and, yup, we've already talked about it. HAH so there Ms Therapist, we do communicate. We took the long road but we're getting there and things are looking better all the time.

The therapist made the comment (not to me, I wasn't in there) that we're really good friends. Well, yes ... After this many years of marriage you're either divorced, getting divorced, living together separately and miserable, or you're best friends. I much prefer the best friends.

That's all for now, time for more coffee and maybe I'll think of something to add.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 10, 2018, 09:30:40 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 10, 2018, 06:40:02 AM
Who left this mess?  I go away for the evening and you guys can't even clean up after yourselves? Legos and bits of erector sets (did someone try to dismember them?), and lincoln logs everywhere. umm, you shouldn't build things like that and leave it lying around, kids might see it. I'll bet Steph did it right after going pee. You should have left her on the fridge.


Previous evening update.  Felt like crap, My shoulder is really messed up, I couldn't enjoy my music night. We left early.


Therapy went well, I think, I was stuck outside on the bench. My wife, who wasn't sure she wanted to go alone, sucked up the whole hour chatting. Ah well, I assume it all went Ok since she was still in a good mood when she came out. We talked about it a little bit. The therapist was totally surprised at the fact the my wife and I actually talk, about everything. She'd bring something up and, yup, we've already talked about it. HAH so there Ms Therapist, we do communicate. We took the long road but we're getting there and things are looking better all the time.

The therapist made the comment (not to me, I wasn't in there) that we're really good friends. Well, yes ... After this many years of marriage you're either divorced, getting divorced, living together separately and miserable, or you're best friends. I much prefer the best friends.

That's all for now, time for more coffee and maybe I'll think of something to add.

I told them Momma Faith!!!!  But Steph and Laurie kept tossing zingers at each other.  I was the only good girl :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 10, 2018, 10:48:46 AM
I interrupt this topic for an important update.

Talking with a friend of mine here at work, took the plunge. This is the same person I mentioned earlier that was brave enough to ask about makeup. I just outright told him, transgender is what I'm dealing with.

No disbelief or oddness, he just started asking questions. Curious informational questions, nothing derogatory.

one more down .......
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 10, 2018, 11:11:55 AM
Sounds like a good friend. Good for you!

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 10, 2018, 11:24:43 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 10, 2018, 10:48:46 AM
I interrupt this topic for an important update.

Talking with a friend of mine here at work, took the plunge. This is the same person I mentioned earlier that was brave enough to ask about makeup. I just outright told him, transgender is what I'm dealing with.

No disbelief or oddness, he just started asking questions. Curious informational questions, nothing derogatory.

one more down .......

Good going Faith! Gets a little easier every time, doesn't it?

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 10, 2018, 11:32:35 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on January 10, 2018, 11:24:43 AM
Good going Faith! Gets a little easier every time, doesn't it?

Stephanie

slightly easier :P. I do get more comfortable and relaxed afterwards, each time, like a little more weight is lifted.

Management pretty much knows, I have not directly spoken with them, just HR. No issues. Not even dress code. Dress code here is pretty androgynous in any case. There is a 'collar'd-shirts' only line, HR states that it primarily means no t-shirts. Why doesn't it just say 'no t-shirts' :P

In any case, the door is open to wear whatever is comfortable .. barring indecent like butt-cheek-showing mini-skirts. I was like, WHA!!?? Now I need to return them all .. bwahahahahhheeheeheehee. Seriously, I would never. I do like my short-shorts+tights/leggings though. Guess I save them for home.

seriously, are some people so inappropriate-aware that they'd wear stuff like that in a professional environment? Nevermind, I know the answer to that one.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 10, 2018, 12:13:44 PM
  Sorry Faith,

  Stephanie was looking so distressed and pathetically begging me to take her down so she could go pee that I took pity on her plight. The real clincher though was the menacing glare I was getting from Sue. I knew then beyond a shadow of doubt that I should take her down. Then the ingrate complains about not being able to reach the wine and chocolates.

   Hey don't blame me for the mess. The only thing I left lying around was Stephanie.

  I'm glad your wife had her turn at therapy and it is great that you two do communicate and are best friends. These things will only serve to make you two even closer friends. It's wonderful to hear you two have such a good relationship. (((Hugs))) for you both.
  As for the guy at work, that was one development we could all see coming. I don't think it surprised anyone except maybe you. Plus it has the added benefit of spreading the word to those less brave than he was that have been really wondering what has been up lately with Faith but were too timid to ask. Now how's that for a term for that bunch of "macho" men, timid?
  Glad things are going good for you Faith.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 10, 2018, 12:32:24 PM
Quote...Stephanie was looking so distressed and pathetically begging me to take her down so she could go pee that I took pity on her plight ...
It's a lie, She developed that expression to get her own way!!

QuoteThe real clincher thought was the menacing glare I was getting from Sue. I knew then beyond a shadow of doubt that I should take her down.
I can accept that, although I've never met her. Anyone that puts up with Steph and keeps her inline has to have a stiff backbone.

QuoteHey don't blame for the mess. The only thing I left lying around was Stephanie.
I know who to blame .....

QuoteI'm glad your wife had her turn at therapy and it is great that you two do communicate and are best friends. These things will only serve to make you two even closer friends. It's wonderful to hear you two have such a good relationship. (((Hugs))) for you both.

blessed, it's a real thing.

QuoteAs for the guy at work, that was one development we could all see coming. I don't think it surprised anyone except maybe you. Plus it has the added benefit of spreading the word to those less brave the he was that have been really wondering what has been up lately with Faith but were too timid to ask. Now how's that for a term for that bunch of "macho" men, timid?

Yeah, I think the eye make-up and fingernail polish made things a little obvious ;D I did get another guy talking that was, not scared, just waiting to see about things. He had a GF that after a few years admitted to being FTM. They amicably broke up. He had the presence to ask about name and pronouns that I might prefer.

QuoteGlad things are going goo for you Faith.

Me too, I like goo sometimes.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 10, 2018, 05:10:42 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 10, 2018, 10:48:46 AM
I interrupt this topic for an important update.

Talking with a friend of mine here at work, took the plunge. This is the same person I mentioned earlier that was brave enough to ask about makeup. I just outright told him, transgender is what I'm dealing with.

No disbelief or oddness, he just started asking questions. Curious informational questions, nothing derogatory.

one more down .......
Well done Faith. Glad it went well and that he wanted to ask questions to learn more. That's a little more weight lifted off your shoulders.

Being best friends with your wife is indescribably awesome! I too am lucky enough to be in that position.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 11, 2018, 09:33:19 AM
cue a new update.

Last night my Wife and I were coming out of the store, I was loaded with bags not paying much attention (retail therapy). A man and his son (2-3?) were out there. The son comes running up and I hear the man yell, "Yes, she does look like Mommy, doesn't she" I didn't pay it any mind until my wife told me, "You know, he was referring to you, don't you?" hmm ... nope :P

Last night we were talking about 'stuff' and she told me point blank (aside from obvious male facial features) that I definitely look like a woman, more so from the back (face, you know, she didn't say that but I know). She said she had a light-bulb moment the night before while giving me a rub down (muscle rub, you dirty-minded people!)

Oh, and what triggered that conversation?  I was wearing a dress! Yes, I'm the one that stated I don't care much about dresses. We did pick up two at our favorite clothing store (Goodwill :P ). One long black evening and one long red patterned casual day dress. I was in the second one. It was very comfy.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 11, 2018, 10:17:13 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 11, 2018, 09:33:19 AM
cue a new update.

Last night my Wife and I were coming out of the store, I was loaded with bags not paying much attention (retail therapy). A man and his son (2-3?) were out there. The son comes running up and I hear the man yell, "Yes, she does look like Mommy, doesn't she" I didn't pay it any mind until my wife told me, "You know, he was referring to you, don't you?" hmm ... nope :P

Last night we were talking about 'stuff' and she told me point blank (aside from obvious male facial features) that I definitely look like a woman, more so from the back (face, you know, she didn't say that but I know). She said she had a light-bulb moment the night before while giving me a rub down (muscle rub, you dirty-minded people!)

Oh, and what triggered that conversation?  I was wearing a dress! Yes, I'm the one that stated I don't care much about dresses. We did pick up two at our favorite clothing store (Goodwill :P ). One long black evening and one long red patterned casual day dress. I was in the second one. It was very comfy.

Yeah, Faith! Awesome on all counts!

And avatar, beautiful! Nice smile, girl. You do look like mommy!


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 11, 2018, 11:17:23 AM
Awesome, Faith! Your new avatar is beautiful. I love your smile.

What's up with the "PRE HRT" note and date at the bottom of the photo? Are you also about to start HRT and keeping it secret, or are you establishing a timeline? I am very happy for you.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 11, 2018, 11:26:48 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 11, 2018, 11:17:23 AM
Awesome, Faith! Your new avatar is beautiful. I love your smile.

What's up with the "PRE HRT" note and date at the bottom of the photo? Are you also about to start HRT and keeping it secret, or are you establishing a timeline? I am very happy for you.

Jayne
beautiful?  Come on now, honesty first. I am not one to accept false flattery.

I plan on pushing hard for HRT on the next Dr visit .. countdown to the 15th .... It was my primary focus with my first visit in December. Thus the batch of tests to get a baseline.  Did you not read my thread? Really, you need to sleep less and concentrate more on me  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 11, 2018, 11:56:44 AM
Way to go Faith! Awesome avatar! You look great.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 11, 2018, 12:28:09 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 11, 2018, 11:26:48 AM
beautiful?  Come on now, honesty first. I am not one to accept false flattery.
Yes, beautiful! Will a fashion label sign you up as a model, probably not. It all depends on your definition of the word. What I see in your photo is a person who is finding an inner peace and happiness and able to display a smile that is coming from good place inside. That to me is beautiful.

Quote
I plan on pushing hard for HRT on the next Dr visit .. countdown to the 15th .... It was my primary focus with my first visit in December. Thus the batch of tests to get a baseline.  Did you not read my thread? Really, you need to sleep less and concentrate more on me  ;D
Aaahhh yes, I apologise. I forgot I read that. Take some pity on me, it was 3:30am as I was getting myself ready for work. My brain hadn't yet fully booted up. I shall concentrate more in the future. [emoji41]

We will both be seeing the dr on the 15th. I hope you get your prescription.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 11, 2018, 12:51:29 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 11, 2018, 12:28:09 PM... We will both be seeing the dr on the 15th ...

Ok, I forgive you .. but not the fact that your 15th comes earlier than mine .....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 11, 2018, 01:37:05 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 11, 2018, 12:51:29 PM
Ok, I forgive you .. but not the fact that your 15th comes earlier than mine .....
I can't help that. What can I say, I'm from the future. [emoji41]

I was going to say that I will try and hold off posting about my appointment until after you, but I'm not sure I can do that. I might be too excited to hold back.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 11, 2018, 02:25:50 PM
  Okay okay I'll join the rest in saying your post was good to read and worth feeling good about. On all three fronts they were good things. Especially the two encouraging comments from your wife. I also like that you  posted the best smile for your avatar, but still thing you need to do another picture in the second pose with a nice smile like in the posted one but a bit broader /happier smile.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 12, 2018, 09:16:16 AM
HEY Y'ALL ... Feeling good today, again.

More positive vibes at work. I made a point of having a one-on-one with upper management. They already knew, of course. The point was to give an open door for any questions or comments and fend of any possible discomfort. Certain people I have listed in my head for one-on-one rather than 'figure it out yourself, ask if you dare'. In any case, no surprises, supportive. No job risk (already knew that).

100% dressed as a woman at work. Have been really, this is less androgynous. No skirts/dresses. I think that can wait until my face feminizes. I know, I know, it's how I feel on the inside that counts. Well, I have to be comfortable as well and I am not comfortable in a dress in public. When I wear one I want to look like a girl in a dress or me in a dress. I don't want to look like 'that dude in a dress'. You know? Besides, my job is better suited to slacks.

Eye makeup came out right this morning. I play a guessing game when I put it on, I really need better lighting. Lips a little redder than I was going for, not bad though. I look forward to the day that I don't see a guy looking back at me. I want to look and just see me, or a woman (or both ;D ). Right now I don't see 'me' .. the makeup helps ease things though .. which is why I use it (besides just because I like it)


Laurie, the odds of getting me facing front to a camera with a nice smile is so low that you're better ahead to go bet on a long-shot horse race. Or dog race, depending on what's in your area. I mentioned this to my Wife and she did state I'm getting better at smiling. So, I guess it shows, just not to a camera.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 12, 2018, 12:54:18 PM
addendum.

I just told a long-time friend of mine. Over text since he doesn't live close any more. He still corresponds with several people here at work so I wanted to beat the grapevine. He didn't appear to have an issue with it in his responses.

another one down ....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 12, 2018, 01:29:58 PM
Hi Faith,

   It may be a long shot, but I can still make that wager. Perhaps I should talk to your wife and increase my odds.  You can PM me her contact info.
  Another one down, indeed progress!

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 13, 2018, 05:56:04 AM
Hi Faith, I don't have much to add. I'm still here keeping up to date on your progress with great interest. Lots more positive steps. Work, makeup, smiling on photos, even if not looking at the camera. Whatever transition plan is, it seems to be working for you. Keep up the good work.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 13, 2018, 10:46:20 AM
I'm sitting here at home at the computer in my red/white day dress all comfy. Son and grandson both here. life is good.



We won't talk about a very uncomfortable shaving cut in an unmentionable area except for one comment I made to my wife:
"I bet you never thought you'd be washing blood out of my panties" :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 13, 2018, 11:02:41 AM
I forgot this over the past little while. I was talking to my Wife and commented about something I've mentioned before. Did I mention it in my thread already? I don't remember and it's too many posts to scroll back through.

More and more the girls at work, as I walk by, smile more and initiate a 'hello' or similar greeting along with eye contact.
Having mentioned it to my wife she said, "because you're so much more approachable now"

... progress ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on January 13, 2018, 02:09:45 PM
Faith, one of the bigger surprises for me in my transition had been the inclusion in "Woman's world". This is the casual smile and eye contact, the brief conversation in the restroom while washing up and fixing my hair, the opportunity to sit with a group of women over lunch or coffee and just talk life stuff.....nothing earth shattering (most of the time) but definitely things not shared if it were a mixed group. The magic of this type of interaction is something that, at least for me, had no counterpart in my old men's world......and I love it. I also felt, after regularly being included in this world, that it was one of the best forms of affirmation that I have experienced.

Enjoy the magic of it all,
Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 15, 2018, 04:38:27 PM
Ok Faith, my 15th has come and gone. Now it's the 16th and I am holding off updating my thread until you go first. I don't know how much longer I can hold out, so spill it...... How did you make out with the Dr? Did you get your HRT prescription?

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 16, 2018, 07:24:37 AM
I've got nothing.  Dr was too nervous to do anything, all I got was a promise of a referral. I understand on his side, it's really no surprise. I went to him for a referral in the first place. It's just that now I'm another month lost and no telling how long before I get in to see the endo, whomever that ends up being.

life sucks

edit:
forgot to add. The official diagnosis is now on record: "Gender Identity Disorder" ... not accurate, imo, but that's what they call it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 16, 2018, 08:39:28 AM
OK, full disclosure update. I was slightly down all weekend. I lazed around the house not accomplishing much of anything. I did spend all weekend in a dress. Why? Because I could. It wasn't about needing to wear one, it was more to get comfortable and used to seeing myself that way, whether it becomes the norm or not.  I was comfortable with myself.

Sunday evening, dressed for a walk. I felt like I was styling a bit (by not matching anywhere). My wife thought it was great and took a couple full length pictures. Thankfully it was on my phone. It triggered so bad that I hit the dumps that evening. I felt slightly better the next morning (Monday), until I went into my phone to delete the pictures. I was miserable the rest of the day. I don't see how anyone can say I look great when it's so obviously not the case. Ridiculous is the more proper term.

Monday afternoon, that was my Dr. visit. Total waste of time, as noted in my previous post. Which led to a further depressed state that evening. I was pulled up out of that by my wife, if she wasn't there I'd likely have ended up curled up in bed.

On to today. I got up late, had to rush everything in getting ready. Plus side, I can glop my face much faster now without making a total train wreck out of it. I grabbed a blouse out of the closet, slightly on purpose to push my comfort zone a bit. Being late, I couldn't change my mind.

Now, I am sitting here at work in a most obvious woman's top, mostly keeping covered by my jean jacket except when sitting at my desk. How does it look? Well, since I am disclosing, here is a quick selfie:
(https://i.imgur.com/grMyiOX.jpg)
The front cam sucks so any selfie looks out of focus. It's a real pain trying to take a short-armed selfie without obvious focal distortion.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 16, 2018, 10:06:49 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 16, 2018, 08:39:28 AMNow, I am sitting here at work in a most obvious woman's top, mostly keeping covered by my jean jacket except when sitting at my desk. How does it look? Well, since I am disclosing, here is a quick selfie:
(https://i.imgur.com/grMyiOX.jpg)

Faith, I know you're not going to want to believe it (I have a terrible time with such things, too) but you really do look great. Seriously. With that pose, that angle, the top and necklace, the pattern recognition engine in my brain went, "PING. Female!" when the picture popped up.

Allow yourself to believe it. It's true.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 16, 2018, 11:44:41 AM
Steph, Your comment is kind, unrealistic, but kind. I see what I see ....

Over the weekend I was all set to not come back to the forums. My head was zoned out to futility, exasperated by the unproductive Dr visit yesterday .. which was productive, really, just a set-back in time which I feel I have so little of and have lost so much of. Now I'm back to no time frame, wondering, and waiting. 

I can feel the T in there doing it's thing, these past few weeks I can tell it's on the upswing when I want it down. I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm avoiding Jayne's thread to keep from dragging it down when the news over there is so good.

I feel like I could break any moment.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 16, 2018, 11:59:32 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 16, 2018, 11:44:41 AM
Steph, Your comment is kind, unrealistic, but kind. I see what I see ....

Over the weekend I was all set to not come back to the forums. My head was zoned out to futility, exasperated by the unproductive Dr visit yesterday .. which was productive, really, just a set-back in time which I feel I have so little of and have lost so much of. Now I'm back to no time frame, wondering, and waiting. 

I can feel the T in there doing it's thing, these past few weeks I can tell it's on the upswing when I want it down. I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm avoiding Jayne's thread to keep from dragging it down when the news over there is so good.

I feel like I could break any moment.
I crave external validation of how I'm doing all the time. As the outside source for the opinion on your presentation, I'm the one who gets to decide what's realistic. Your view is skewed. You know that I know exactly what you're feeling. I also wouldn't accept positive comments from anyone when I felt the way you do now. Just know that it's the absolute truth that the first knee-jerk reaction that my brain sent me was, "nice looking lady."

You've definitely got a case of the yeahbuts. I think you've seen me define that term before. Ride it out, and never forget that you've got tons of friends out here wishing the best for you. It gets better.

"Yeah, but..."

SLAP!

Your sister,

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 16, 2018, 01:40:07 PM
Faith,

I know what it's like to feel the way you do right now. I ride the rollercoaster constantly. I'm much older than you and I'm still giving it a shot. You have plenty of time so be patient.

I think it's a really good picture. The best I've seen of you. It would be even better though if you had a big smile on your face.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 16, 2018, 01:51:54 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 16, 2018, 08:39:28 AM
Now, I am sitting here at work in a most obvious woman's top, mostly keeping covered by my jean jacket except when sitting at my desk. How does it look? Well, since I am disclosing, here is a quick selfie:
(https://i.imgur.com/grMyiOX.jpg)
The front cam sucks so any selfie looks out of focus. It's a real pain trying to take a short-armed selfie without obvious focal distortion.
Faith, there's only one thing wrong with that pic.  (Well, besides the focus distortion)  No smile.   ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 16, 2018, 02:01:33 PM
Quote from: raeanne on January 16, 2018, 01:40:07 PM... It would be even better though if you had a big smile on your face.

Quote from: KathyLauren on January 16, 2018, 01:51:54 PMFaith, there's only one thing wrong with that pic.  (Well, besides the focus distortion)  No smile.   ;D

I am smiling, see how those little corners turn up? You can just see it if you zoom in and focus mostly on the left side of the photo. Truth, for me that is a good smile.

I do want to thank you all for the kind comments. Belief may come some day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on January 16, 2018, 03:20:48 PM
Hey girl, give yourself a break (yes that is so much easier to tell someone else than receive it yourself). I just love the way your hair frames your face in the photo. Yes, I can see the slight upturn of your smile, put that into the "Can use some work" category and now let your friends lift your spirits a bit! Looking at your picture I can't believe that you don't see Faith in that face.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 16, 2018, 04:30:21 PM
Hey girl! I love the picture. It's tour best one yet. Others have beaten me to it, but I agree that the smoke could use some work. Believe in yourself. Like Steph said, the first impression from that photo is a lady. Further scrutiny still comes up with a lady. Your hair looks good, it's a lovely blouse, the makeup and necklace is just right, not over powering. The only criticism is Work on your smile. I am not just saying any of that to be nice. I know you don't like false compliments. I am being totally honest. This is your best photo I have seen so far. You should consider updating your profile photo with this one.

I'm sorry about the minor setback with the dr. It's hard to remain patient and not lose hope before you have started the medical process. Until you get your HRT, continue to do what you are doing. Getting more and more comfortable with your appearance, developing your makeup skills, learning to accept that you look much better than you think. You will get your HRT. This is just a small setback in the overall scheme of things.

Jayne

PS: you really do look good. Everything works well together and suits you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 17, 2018, 06:30:59 AM
Alright!! Alright!! Alright!!  I look good!! ... to you (has to have a disclaimer)


Rough start to the morning. Put everything together last night so I'd have extra time this morning. Well, I blew that. I still took too long getting ready, rushed though putting my lunch stuff together. I ended up forgetting to take my blood pressure meds. My head's throbbing already. I only have my spearmint and lavender tea to get through the day :(


I have a therapist visit tonight (which is why I prepped myself the night before, for all that ended up being worth). I have this bad feeling of trying to out on a good face with spiked blood pressure. It's very hard to keep your mood up when that happens. I may leave work early to grab pills on the way through, be too late to have any affect for the session though.


Some extra info from Monday's bum time. As I mentioned, my Wife Pulled me out of a slump. Without going in to more detail, I will post one comment that she made. As she lie there smiling she looked at me and said, "I can't believe I just made love to a guy in a dress" ;D

now, before anyone says anything about the 'guy' comment. I am 'her man'. Have been, will be, and I am 100% ok with that.

The real point is her acceptance, easy open acceptance, of me and how/who I am. That means more than any words used. You can accept with the wrong words and not accept using the right ones ... just sayin' :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 17, 2018, 04:57:29 PM
You have an awesome wife Faith. Do not ever let her go! As far as I'm concerned, our wives get a lifetime pass to call us whatever they choose. I don't care if my wife calls me he, she, boy, girl, whatever......she calls me a turkey a lot [emoji15] I don't mind any of it. She accepts me for who I am and has chosen to stay with me. That has earned her the right to call me anything, anytime and I will always answer with a smile. Your wife sounds very much like mine in that regard. That's awesome!!!

I hope your blood pressure doesn't give you too much grief throughout the day. I also hope your therapist visit goes well and you come out in a better place than when you went in.

Take care girl

Jayne

PS (again!): I just scrolled back up the page and yes, I still think you look good. The whole look suits you really well. [emoji106]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on January 17, 2018, 05:52:33 PM
Faith, I think you look great in the work photo.

Can you contact a LGBT center and find a trans support group. There you can find out about a doctor to prescribe HRT.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 17, 2018, 06:55:44 PM
Hey Y'all

I'll work out a Dr scenario. If the endo is too far away or appointment too far into the future, I'll hit up planned Parenthood. Their office is only 20 miles away. See how that goes.

Therapy went ok, slow start but we got rollin'.  I almost laughed at the face she made when I told her about being told that I look beautiful. Not about what was said. She asked me what I was wearing at the time. I just looked down and said "this" I came here straight from work. Girly black top, dress slacks, boots. her mouth about fell open .. 'scribble, scribble'  HAH!

OH. Here's one for you. I was slightly early and the door was locked.  She came out to see who it was (heard the boot stomps). She said, "I looked out the window and wondered who the woman was coming up the sidewalk"  ;D

Any way, Not much to add. other then I still feel bubbly :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 17, 2018, 07:06:24 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 17, 2018, 06:55:44 PM
OH. Here's one for you. I was slightly early and the door was locked.  She came out to see who it was (heard the boot stomps). She said, "I looked out the window and wondered who the woman was coming up the sidewalk"  ;D

YESSSS!!!

That story was an afterthought? You should have led with that. How awesome!

I know what that feeling's like. I was walking Maggie the other day, and my neighbor drove up behind me. He rolled down the passenger window and said, "I was wondering who that hot chick was walking down the street. Then I realized it was Stephhh-a-nieeee." He says he's imitating robot number 5 from the old movie Short Circuit. I've never seen it, so I'll take his word for it. I'm pretty sure he was joking about not knowing who it was, but that's ok. He's really cool about the whole thing.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 17, 2018, 07:20:48 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 17, 2018, 06:55:44 PM
OH. Here's one for you. I was slightly early and the door was locked.  She came out to see who it was (heard the boot stomps). She said, "I looked out the window and wondered who the woman was coming up the sidewalk"  ;D

Any way, Not much to add. other then I still feel bubbly :)
YES, Lead with that next time!!!!

That is excellent, Faith. I'm still waiting for that day, I'm still John walking down the hallway to my therapist's office. So it gives me great joy to hear this happening to my friends. YAY!!!!

Also, good attitude with your plan to find a dr to prescribe HRT. You will get it, and once you do, hang on for a wild ride!!!!

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 17, 2018, 07:37:30 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 17, 2018, 06:55:44 PM
OH. Here's one for you. I was slightly early and the door was locked.  She came out to see who it was (heard the boot stomps). She said, "I looked out the window and wondered who the woman was coming up the sidewalk"  ;D

Any way, Not much to add. other then I still feel bubbly :)
Awesome!   ;D  Told you so!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 17, 2018, 07:48:47 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on January 17, 2018, 07:06:24 PM... Stephhh-a-nieeee. He says he's imitating robot number 5 from the old movie Short Circuit. I've never seen it, so I'll take his word for it. - Stephanie

You should watch it. Kind of dated now but still a fun watch.

As for leading with a story? Punch lines always come at the end.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 17, 2018, 08:21:02 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 17, 2018, 07:48:47 PM
You should watch it. Kind of dated now but still a fun watch.

As for leading with a story? Punch lines always come at the end.

Five's ALIVE!!!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 17, 2018, 08:31:42 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 17, 2018, 07:48:47 PM
As for leading with a story? Punch lines always come at the end.
Good point. Saving the best for last. Lead story or not, it's great news!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 17, 2018, 08:36:06 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 17, 2018, 04:57:29 PM
You have an awesome wife Faith. Do not ever let her go! As far as I'm concerned, our wives get a lifetime pass to call us whatever they choose. I don't care if my wife calls me he, she, boy, girl, whatever......she calls me a turkey a lot [emoji15] I don't mind any of it. She accepts me for who I am and has chosen to stay with me. That has earned her the right to call me anything, anytime and I will always answer with a smile. Your wife sounds very much like mine in that regard. That's awesome!!!

I forgot to add my quote of agreement. I know how lucky that I am. Same as you are. Therapist is still amazed at how much we talk and share and work things out. probably afraid she'll lose out on a lot of sessions, HAH!

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 18, 2018, 11:09:00 AM
 Loving the new profile pic, Faith.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 18, 2018, 07:31:07 PM
I'll agree with Jayne (if she behaves)  I also like the avatar picture and that top... yes I like that top. it goes well in contrast to your hair which looks white rather than the gray in those others. Probably the different lighting. It is a nice gray.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 18, 2018, 07:47:13 PM
Thanks Laurie. there's few pictures of myself that I like. I can actually stand to look at that one.

My hair is mostly silvery white. There is some dark coming back. Any other color that shows up is just the camera and the lighting.

I'm half asleep, heading for bed.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 18, 2018, 07:49:07 PM
Quote from: Laurie on January 18, 2018, 07:31:07 PM
I'll agree with Jayne (if she behaves)
What do you mean "if she behaves"???? I always behave! Sometimes I might (mis)behave, but I still behave!!!
Hmph! [emoji36]

Mischievous Jayne [emoji56][emoji56][emoji56]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 19, 2018, 06:40:44 AM
It's another new day.

I had a brief bout last night. My brain jumped into dysphoria mode. Even tough my bits were properly stored my brain invented and amplified feeling in the area. I managed to beat it (Stop right there, I know what you're thinking!!!!!) by snuggle cuddling into my wife and talking for a bit. It meant no corset last night, sometimes cuddling wins out. Well, it always wins out. With my back and neck the way it is, proper cuddling is nigh impossible and usually only for a few minutes.

That's all I've got. It's early yet.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 19, 2018, 06:45:09 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 18, 2018, 07:49:07 PM
What do you mean "if she behaves"???? I always behave! Sometimes I might (mis)behave, but I still behave!!!
Hmph! [emoji36]

Mischievous Jayne[emoji56][emoji56][emoji56]

==<<ALARM ALARM>>== EXTREME EXAGGERATION ALERT !! ==<<ALARM ALARM>>==
To alleviate this condition, please backspace and revise. Thank you for you cooperation.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 19, 2018, 10:33:30 AM
New Chief for our Department. it was announced a while back. I didn't approach until now. Today he had a quick meeting to make things official and cover a few things, no surprises. I caught him alone after the fact to out myself (again, no surprises). It was simply to make it a one-on-one disclosure.

It turns out that he's had extension training in managerial .. um .. things ;D. Anyway, he'd already taken courses and one was in transgender and related employees.

He didn't bat an eye when I talked to him .. maybe I should have? HAH!! .. ick *shudder*, nope, I like girls :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 19, 2018, 08:28:23 PM
to keep things together, a feel good moment:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,206382.msg2077645.html#msg2077645
*link to avoid cross-post*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 19, 2018, 08:47:13 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 19, 2018, 08:28:23 PM
to keep things together, a feel good moment:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,206382.msg2077645.html#msg2077645
*link to avoid cross-post*
Nice moment, Faith. You're doing great.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 20, 2018, 08:11:16 AM
I think I'll stick to this thread. I seem to mis-speak when I wander elsewhere.


Sad/happy moment last night.

Sad;anxious;scared moment.
My wife came home from work last night. We talked a bit and then she produced a note. "this is something I haven't been able to say out loud when we're together" ACK! Fear choked me, what did it say?

Anxiously I took the note and read it, after asking if I should read it later.

The note (verbatim):
Quote
There are many days I see you or don't see you at all
There are days I only see you when I climb into bed to sleep
I know you have always supported me
I know you love me and I am starting to feel appreciated
We had had three special miracles growing inside me and you were my lean-to
There are hard days and sometimes I am exhausted
But, I look at you, it's worth it.
You are beautiful and I love you
Thank You for letting me back in.

You are my "Faith"

HAPPY MOMENT SURPRISE
I teared up and cried. She asked me, "Which Part?" I said, "All of it"
I am crying again just typing this out.

I'm going for a walk now to clear my head.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on January 20, 2018, 09:47:06 AM
There is no doubt, Faith, your wife is awesome. It is wondrous when the one soul we have chosen to spend our lives with accepts and loves us as we really are, warts and all. (My wife's pet term for me was "Toad.")

True love has no boundaries.

Susan
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 20, 2018, 10:30:30 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 20, 2018, 08:11:16 AM
I think I'll stick to this thread. I seem to mis-speak when I wander elsewhere.


Sad/happy moment last night.

Sad;anxious;scared moment.
My wife came home from work last night. We talked a bit and then she produced a note. "this is something I haven't been able to say out loud when we're together" ACK! Fear choked me, what did it say?

Anxiously I took the note and read it, after asking if I should read it later.

The note (verbatim):
HAPPY MOMENT SURPRISE
I teared up and cried. She asked me, "Which Part?" I said, "All of it"
I am crying again just typing this out.

I'm going for a walk now to clear my head.

It's a good thing I haven't done my makeup yet, or it would be ruined.  Your wife represents maximum awesomity.

She is another rockstar hero, and you can tell her that for me.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 20, 2018, 10:37:39 AM
I don't have any words. I can't even re-read it without falling apart ... and I want to keep reading it over and over.

Not only did I lay this huge life-altering change which is transgender upon her, she's thanking me for including her in the journey.

yep, I'm at a loss ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 20, 2018, 10:52:42 AM
Hi faith,

Two comments:
One - You wife (and you too, Hun) are awesome. We have seen it many times in your posts. The connection between you two is obvious. We can see the love in what you write about her and in what she has said or done the you relate to us. That second to the last line tells so much. It tells us your internal struggles affected your marriage. It tells that your wife was affected by it also in feeling left out. And it tells us that your relationship with her has change because you open up to her and let her back in to be an active participant in your life again. That my dear is awesomeness. And one more this it does ... it shows others who may be struggling with these issues that there is hope.

Two - What's this nonsense about keeping yourself to this thread? Do I need to hunt you down and put you on top of the fridge too? I'd send (St)(e)ph (ani)e to do it for me but she's too short. Cassie might do it if I deputize her. hmmm I'll think about it. now where was I? Oh yeah  what is this nonsense? You can't keep your comments to yourself Faith. There are friends out there that want to hear what you think, hear what you have to say. That is why they make threads. They make them to hear what others have to say, and one of those "Others" is you Hun. Don't stop posting elsewhere. Don't shut those others out that want to hear from you.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 20, 2018, 02:38:49 PM
Faith, the note from your wife was beautiful. Good think I don't wear make up yet, it would be messed up by now. What an amazing woman. I am very happy the two of you have this incredible bond between you.

I am at a loss of what to say..... AWESOME!!!

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 20, 2018, 02:39:02 PM
Wow, Faith, (*sniff*) that is beautiful!  I second the rock star wife comment.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 20, 2018, 07:08:41 PM
thanks everyone.  I had my wife read through the replies. She was embarrassed that I posted her words, then she was embarrassed by the replies. I don't think embarrassed is the right word, it's all I can think of right now.

I had the screen laid out just so, then she scrolled down anyway and read comment #2 and started laughing and said, "I like her". Laurie, I think you made a new friend.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 20, 2018, 09:27:09 PM
Mrs Faith's wife, thank you for loving and supporting my friend, Faith. Discovering you are transgender and figuring out how to move forward is an incredibly difficult thing to deal with. It is further complicated when we have loved ones that we don't want to hurt. It takes a very special kind of bond to keep people together through such stressful circumstances. You and Faith have such a bond. I too, am one of the lucky ones and have a similar connection with my wife. She is my hero. So I can understand the emotions Faith must have been feeling when she read your letter. It brought tears to my eyes as I was able to apply these words to how my wife feels about me. My wife has trouble expressing her feelings, spoken or written. But I know she feels the same way you have have described in your letter. Thank you for putting words to how I know my wife feels about me. You are awesome!

Faith, you take care of your wife and don't ever let her go, she is awesome! (But you don't need to be told that, you already know)

Big hug for both of you.

(((((HUG)))))

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 20, 2018, 10:42:25 PM
  Well Faith, now I'm embarrassed. You let her read comment two with all those typos in it? It's a wonder she was able to understand. I have corrected those now. And of course I've made another friend. Online I collect friends. IRL well not so much. Tell her I like her too and hope to get a chance to meet here when I get down that way again. OH and you too of course.  ;) ;)

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on January 21, 2018, 01:48:31 AM
Faith... just a second... ::wipes away tears::

That was beautiful! I agree, your wife is awesome!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 21, 2018, 01:49:41 PM
Putting faces to names. We were out doing some retail therapy, pick up some slacks and socks. I also picked up a couple pair of sunglasses that I've been needing. I snapped a couple pictures and Lori, my loving wife, is fine with sharing. So, here you go:

(https://i.imgur.com/2RIEYpR.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/vkMMsgF.jpg)

I'm not exactly exuding femininity but oh well.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 21, 2018, 02:14:47 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 21, 2018, 01:49:41 PM
Putting faces to names. We were out doing some retail therapy, pick up some slacks and socks. I also picked up a couple pair of sunglasses that I've been needing. I snapped a couple pictures and Lori, my loving wife, is fine with sharing. So, here you go:

(https://i.imgur.com/2RIEYpR.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/vkMMsgF.jpg)

I'm not exactly exuding femininity but oh well.
OMG I see smiles in that last picture!!
Both are good pictures and it is nice to finally see your lovely wife. I even love [emoji180] her name. (She should check the spelling though)

Hugs to both of you. I am looking forward to meeting you both.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 21, 2018, 02:42:03 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 21, 2018, 01:49:41 PM
Putting faces to names. We were out doing some retail therapy, pick up some slacks and socks. I also picked up a couple pair of sunglasses that I've been needing. I snapped a couple pictures and Lori, my loving wife, is fine with sharing. So, here you go:

(https://i.imgur.com/2RIEYpR.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/vkMMsgF.jpg)

I'm not exactly exuding femininity but oh well.

What a sweet couple!  I really like the glasses and the smile in the second photo.  With the hairstyle, my first guess would be femme.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: HappyMoni on January 21, 2018, 02:45:16 PM
Faith,
   Sorry I am late on your thread but wanted to say I loved the love letter from your wife and the pictures of you two.
Moni
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 21, 2018, 03:28:45 PM
What lovely photos. You two look beautiful together. So much love!

Faith! I see some teeth in your smile! Way to go girl. Next thing you know you will be grinning like crazy!

Lori, it's a pleasure to put a face and name to you. I love that second photo.

Jayne

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 21, 2018, 06:45:33 PM
teeth showing? I'll have to edit the picture and black them out.

Laurie, she said it's too much work to spell it the long way. Beside, Law-ree vs Loe-ree. At least hers can be pronounced correctly ;D

Sarah! I don't want to leave out a thanks :)

"Mah-Nee", welcome to my thread. come in and kick your feet up .. kick Laurie while you're at it. :D

All, thanks for all the nice comments. Loe-ree has read them all. I'd like to point out the matching necklaces visible in the first picture. I can't wear my wedding ring anymore, it won't fit over my ugly knuckles, the matching necklaces was our recent alternative.



On a self-critical note. She has a family nose. I'd like our trans-friends to realize, a larger nose does NOT make you less feminine.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 21, 2018, 07:12:59 PM
On a progress note:

I texted my 2nd youngest brother with a 'coming out' note and brief explaination. It took him two days to reply. It was a simple, "I'm not sure what that means but as long as you're happy."  Well, could have been worse.

Monthly music jamboree today. One on our female friends pulled my wife aside and said, "I go straight to to source, what's up with ****?." (Wait! Wouldn't I be the source, sheesh!). Lori filled her in, it's what I've told her to do. Say as much or as little as you are comfortable with.The friends primary concern? How my wife was handling it. Well, I can see her priorities :D  I got some serious hugs so OK on my end :P

With that, my older brother's wife was there. She knows now too after she asked if I was wearing makeup. So, he'll know tonight and now he'll have time to assimulate it.

All in all, an eventful day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on January 21, 2018, 09:10:48 PM
Awww... you make such a cute couple!!! And yep, I'm seeing a smile slipping through there....  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 21, 2018, 09:53:11 PM
Im not sure what to add, just letting you know I'm still here keeping up with your progress. Sounds positive so far.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 21, 2018, 10:49:51 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 21, 2018, 06:45:33 PM
Laurie, she said it's too much work to spell it the long way. Beside, Law-ree vs Loe-ree. At least hers can be pronounced correctly ;D

Faith and Lori I don't know where you learned to pronounce words but according to Prononcenames.com both are pronounced the same so there :-P

Quote
"Mah-Nee", welcome to my thread. come in and kick your feet up .. kick Laurie while you're at it. :D

Meownie, I know you won't come near me whilst I still have my butterfly net, so you can just kick that Faith person but not her sweet wife mind you.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 22, 2018, 06:35:01 AM
I'm sitting here at work, just got here and ready to go home already. I'm all dressed in pink (including fingernails), except my boots. I told my Wife that I needed pink boots ... that fell flat. I had to assure her that I was only kidding. I have no interest in pink boots, I am not a shoe collector.

I'm not sure how I feel about the slacks. Comfy skinny fit but not tight, short legs just above my boots. I'm not used to that. My Wife says it looks good, I took her at her word so here I am, in public, all pinked up   :o  My hair is all frizzled from being braided over-night. I'll pretend that I'm styling :)

I'm still struggling with body issues. I can't look at the over-all effect. I have to trust my Wife to tell me if I look ridiculous or not .. well, more-so than normal in any case.

Thanks to all of you for dropping in and catching up, even those of you that don't post. I know you're like me and tend to lurk. You're welcome to post but, if not,  I hope that what you read helps in some small way.

Spread love where you can,
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 23, 2018, 08:39:35 AM
Feeling a little 'blah' today. I think it's due to the dreary weather and that I'm over-tired.  I still feel good about myself. Doubts are waning though they crop up from time to time. I liked how the pink slacks made me feel yesterday. I think I'll watch for more in that style.

Another 'new' style for me. Orange slacks and purple top. I'm still breaking in my boots .. or is it that they are breaking in my feet? My walk in them is getting much smoother. My work counter-part asked me how I was walking without clomping, she clomps everywhere. I think I'm just trying harder. I find I can walk, at a reasonable speed, down the tile hallway and I'm almost as quiet as my sneakers. Eventually I shouldn't have to think about it at all.

Between the slightly larger slacks and the shape of the top, I saw some nice curves in the mirror .. I just had to ignore my face.




I received an email reply from my sister, all good on that front. No surprise there but very nice to hear. She asked straight up if she should call me Faith and use feminine pronouns.




addendum.
I forgot to notate before. My sister-in-law noticed my make-up, thus asked about it. The friend that pulled my wife aside had noticed it in my stance. Hmm, I didn't think I was standing in any special way, just relaxed. I guess something is working.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 23, 2018, 09:27:35 AM
  Morning Faith,

  Of course something is working, Faith is working to let herself be known. Have faith in her and let her free Hun. Let her FREE!. She's been cooped up and supressed for far too long and is just now being allowed to get a taste of fresh air and sunlight.

  Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: HappyMoni on January 23, 2018, 01:27:27 PM
Thanks for the welcome  Faith. Don't have a lot of time before the wild woman with her butterfly net shows up. Glad you are getting good responses from people. I don't think I am sure exactly who knows and who is left to tell at this point. Don't worry about feeling blaugh sometimes. The real euphoric times can't last forever and I think our brains try to even things out sometimes. On the whole, the more we get free from the secrets the better it is. The weight of the secret is awful. Hope you keep having good responses.
Moni
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 23, 2018, 08:53:40 PM
don't worry about it Moni, I have a net-shredder.

Who's left to tell. Well, let's see, my side. I have one brother to make sure of, one sister that can learn via the grapevine. One other brother that's out of state that may never know. My Wife's side, all of them :P they all get to learn the long way, we are not going to make a point of telling them.

Only 2 friends that we are worried about. They are married. Considering how she handled someone they knew marrying a long-time GF (lesbian couple), well, it doesn't bode well. It is very likely that we'll lose them as friends and they'll just be acquaintances. Other people ... don't care. They learn or not, accept or not, doesn't matter.




Third therapy session today, as a couple. It went rather well. We didn't know what to bring up since we talk and work things out together. So, I told the therapist, "you must have some questions and points that you want to bring up, lead away" So she did. It did lead to some things we hadn't covered. Made me remember some things that showed pre-teen and into teen that I was already 'this way'. (I don't mean that negatively, obviously). It also showed that as late as mid-teens I was leaning and then buried it due to guilt? embarrassment? Doesn't matter now.




Weight made it to 166 lbs for 2 days. I'm back up to 170. It should be easy to drop it again and make it permanent. Weight tends to fluctuate a bit before settling down. I've at least broken that sticky weight point finally.




miracle moment.

As we were leaving I needed the restroom. The therapist directed me to the ladies room .. no, sillies, that's not the miracle. As I was washing up I saw ME in the mirror. Me, Myself, I, Faith, was standing there. That's the first time in a long time that I've seen myself full-length in a mirror and didn't hate what I saw.

No tears but my heart beat faster along with getting all warm & fuzzy.  I'm still floating on that one.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: HappyMoni on January 23, 2018, 09:08:58 PM
I love those kind of miracles. I saw myself in the mirror when I was a teen. I didn't see her again til I was 58 or 59. Now I see me, real me, every day. It is awesome isn't it?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 23, 2018, 11:35:18 PM
Alright you two butterflies come fly into my net. Such bright pretty specimens....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on January 24, 2018, 06:01:22 PM
Hi Faith,

If you don't watch out, someone looking at your new avatar will think that there is some joy leaking into your life. It is so much different than your earliest pictures. I don't believe that smile was put on for the camera, it looks like one that you couldn't wipe off if you tried. Good going girl!

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 24, 2018, 06:38:35 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on January 24, 2018, 06:01:22 PM
Hi Faith,

If you don't watch out, someone looking at your new avatar will think that there is some joy leaking into your life. It is so much different than your earliest pictures. I don't believe that smile was put on for the camera, it looks like one that you couldn't wipe off if you tried. Good going girl!

Tia Anne

I will admit to being happier inside and since last night it could be called bubbly. A smile is coming so much easier. I most certainly did, however spontaneously, do that for the camera for Laurie. It's the best way I could show her since words don't work well for me.




evening update

our evening walk-talk was co-opted by my sister-in-law. That's a good thing. She'll coax things out and help in ways a therapist never could. On the plus side, I got my chance to greet her at the door all dolled up. A Black evening gown, beige lace shawl, my boots (no shoes :( ), a nice necklace ... and ... I managed to get my wedding ring over my knuckle. She noticed  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 24, 2018, 07:08:02 PM
Whoa!  I love the new avatar.  Looking good, girl!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 24, 2018, 07:23:25 PM
I really like your new avatar Faith. Very nice!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 24, 2018, 07:47:11 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on January 24, 2018, 07:08:02 PM
Whoa!  I love the new avatar.  Looking good, girl!

Quote from: raeanne on January 24, 2018, 07:23:25 PM
I really like your new avatar Faith. Very nice!

blame Laurie! It's all her fault!!!!

Thanks, really, I appreciate the comments.

I was scrolling down to find one of my posts to see where I left off, I couldn't find it. I scrolled right past my own picture, I didn't recognize myself :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 24, 2018, 07:58:52 PM
Thank you Faith,

  I went back to your post in my thread to read it again. And again that tear ran down my cheek. Your post was so sweet. I think part of it belongs here to show others your heart.

So here it is.

QuoteI'm smiling for you, it is heartfelt and sincere.

(https://i.imgur.com/ovn7aP1.jpg)

  Thank you Faith

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 24, 2018, 08:08:01 PM
Quote from: Laurie on January 24, 2018, 07:58:52 PM
Thank you Faith,

  I went back to your post in my thread to read it again. And again that tear ran down my cheek. Your post was so sweet. I think part of it belongs here to show others your heart.

So here it is.

  Thank you Faith

Hugs,
   Laurie

You deserve every happy tear. Don't try to tell yourself that you don't! I may have to start saving up slaps just in case. I think have some lying around here somewhere.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 24, 2018, 08:38:24 PM
What's going on here? I'm away for a day and all of a sudden I see Faith looking awesome wearing a real smile! You're looking good Faith! I love the new profile pic!! [emoji106]

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 24, 2018, 09:06:39 PM
JAYNE !!!!  PAH-TEE PAH-TEE .. WOOOOO


ahem ..


psst. Like I told Kathy and Raeanne, It's all Laurie's fault, she's a bad influence.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on January 24, 2018, 09:36:27 PM
I'll just add my endorsement! I love your new pic Faith!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 25, 2018, 06:33:22 AM
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 24, 2018, 09:36:27 PM
I'll just add my endorsement! I love your new pic Faith!!

thanks Sarah! You're looking awesome yourself. Some day I'll have a nice big smile like that too. Happy inside, happy outside :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 25, 2018, 02:14:17 PM
Minor update, just to have something to say.

I've been reading all kinds of posts and I feel like I have nothing to contribute.
That leaves me here.

... minor update I said ...

I gave up on a endocrinologist referral from my GP. Maybe I'll still get one, who knows. I made an appointment for initial consult at Planned Parenthood. It's for Feb 6. At least it's not 6 months from now .. or 100 miles away. A week and a half I can live with.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 25, 2018, 09:48:27 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 25, 2018, 02:14:17 PM
Minor update, just to have something to say.

I've been reading all kinds of posts and I feel like I have nothing to contribute.

  • I read topics that are interesting but having no direct correlation with my history or experience, I move on.
  • I read other topics so heavy that an unwinnable debate comes to mind. When you start debating opinions and personal experiences (really, you don't have to agree with someone's opinion to accept it, sheesh!) ... nothing for me there, I move on.
  • I read posts and see/feel real friendly interaction between the parties. That's nice, very uplifting, I don't know them. I can't interject my comments or thoughts into that. It'd be like overhearing a conversation at the next table and butting into the middle of it, I move on.
That leaves me here.

... minor update I said ...

I gave up on a endocrinologist referral from my GP. Maybe I'll still get one, who knows. I made an appointment for initial consult at Planned Parenthood. It's for Feb 6. At least it's not 6 months from now .. or 100 miles away. A week and a half I can live with.
Minor update? ??  Yeah right!  It sounds like hrt likely starts in a week and a half.   Yay!

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 26, 2018, 04:13:45 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 25, 2018, 02:14:17 PM
Minor update, just to have something to say.

I've been reading all kinds of posts and I feel like I have nothing to contribute.

  • I read topics that are interesting but having no direct correlation with my history or experience, I move on.
  • I read other topics so heavy that an unwinnable debate comes to mind. When you start debating opinions and personal experiences (really, you don't have to agree with someone's opinion to accept it, sheesh!) ... nothing for me there, I move on.
  • I read posts and see/feel real friendly interaction between the parties. That's nice, very uplifting, I don't know them. I can't interject my comments or thoughts into that. It'd be like overhearing a conversation at the next table and butting into the middle of it, I move on.
That leaves me here.

... minor update I said ...

I gave up on a endocrinologist referral from my GP. Maybe I'll still get one, who knows. I made an appointment for initial consult at Planned Parenthood. It's for Feb 6. At least it's not 6 months from now .. or 100 miles away. A week and a half I can live with.
Hi Faith,

Letting you know I'm still keeping up to date with you even if I may not get a chance for a lengthy reply.

What is Planned Parenthood? Do they have doctors that can prescribe HRT? I'm assuming you are not planning to have any more children. At least you don't have long to wait until Feb 6. Hope the consult goes well for you.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 26, 2018, 07:15:41 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 26, 2018, 04:13:45 AM
Hi Faith,

Letting you know I'm still keeping up to date with you even if I may not get a chance for a lengthy reply.

What is Planned Parenthood? Do they have doctors that can prescribe HRT? I'm assuming you are not planning to have any more children. At least you don't have long to wait until Feb 6. Hope the consult goes well for you.

Jayne

PPH offer a lot of services. Donations accepted and also government support (if they don't pull support). One part of the service is Transgender resources with full HRT options. At the minimum they require 'of age, sound mind, signed consent' .. well, 2 outa 3 ain't bad. OK, I paraphrased a bit.

Not all locations offer all services, one local to me does offer transgender/HRT so, here I go.

Quote from: Laurie on January 25, 2018, 09:48:27 PM
Minor update? ??  Yeah right!  It sounds like hrt likely starts in a week and a half.   Yay!

Until I see them write a prescription .. yes, minor update.



I was really bummed out this AM. Got up quick at 5am. Wide awake, all good. Wife was sleeping. She was going to curl my hair this morning, I wanted to let her sleep. I got busy putting my face on ... nothing went right. Full eye stab in each eye with the mascara brush, huge blops that I had to clean up. Instead of 10 mins at the mirror it was 45 ... ARRGGG!! All the while that man face was glaring at me. (it ended up OK ... not the face, the makeup)

Lori woke up while I was in there and knew I was having problems. She went and got all my lunch stuff ready and made my coffee so I wouldn't have to deal with it.

We had picked up some slacks? leggings? neither really, a cross between. Picked those out for work and a top. I wasn't too sure about wearing it for work, Lori pushed me out the door. 2 compliments in the first hour ... I guess it's OK.

Trying a new nail polish color. It goes from red to orange to pink to red/orange depending on the lighting and other colors around them. I even see peach sometimes.  Here's a quick phone grab where they look reddish-pink/orange?. I might as well show my matching toes too even though my feet are ugly.

(https://i.imgur.com/SIfGgZW.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/sSqs1H7.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on January 26, 2018, 12:25:34 PM
I end up stabbing my eyes with the mascara wand about every other day. 0X
I wish I could get it done in 10 minutes. It usually takes that long for eyeliner alone.
I like that nail polish! Might have to try that one out.

Quote from: Faith on January 26, 2018, 07:15:41 AM
We had picked up some slacks? leggings? neither really, a cross between. Picked those out for work and a top. I wasn't too sure about wearing it for work, Lori pushed me out the door. 2 compliments in the first hour ... I guess it's OK.

A coworker / friend of mine wears something like that at work most days. I asked her, but she wasn't sure if they had some special name or anything. I think it's kind of like skinny jeans, but slacks - made with stretchy material (actually, I'm wearing a pair right now!).
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 26, 2018, 01:03:20 PM
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 26, 2018, 12:25:34 PM...A coworker / friend of mine wears something like that at work most days. I asked her, but she wasn't sure if they had some special name or anything. I think it's kind of like skinny jeans, but slacks - made with stretchy material (actually, I'm wearing a pair right now!)...

Those slacks description sounds about right. I want to get a long top to go with them to give it a kind of dress/skirt feel without being one.

QuoteI end up stabbing my eyes with the mascara wand about every other day

owww!!!

QuoteI wish I could get it done in 10 minutes. It usually takes that long for eyeliner alone

My time is 10 - 20 mins. When everything goes right it takes 10 (which is getting more often) .. practice .. practice ...

QuoteI like that nail polish! Might have to try that one out

Sally Hansen, Diamond Strength #340. It has the name "Something New" on the bottle.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 26, 2018, 01:30:14 PM
A topic that has come up at home.  Renewing our vows.  This June will mark 36 years together, we dated for 2 yrs before.

Some of the grief I put her through due to undiagnosed/untreated depression really messed up what should have been some of our best years. Hopefully with my changes upcoming years will again be included in the best category.

Serious or not? Several times recently she's mentioned wearing a tux for it and now me in a dress as well. sis-in-law she had the conversation with thinks it's a great idea (of course) and volunteered to 'give me away' (I gave her away at her wedding). She may have to fight my eldest over that duty.

I have mixed feelings. YES, I'd love to. Then it's like .. people I would want to include in a renewal will come, unlikely to come with "role reversal" Sure, you can invite and plan on people not coming but when they don't it still hurts that they didn't care and respect enough to show support even if not in agreement.

So, plan ahead, possibly 40th anniversary? I don't want to wait for the 50th if we do it, I may be dead by then .. plus I wouldn't want to wait that long. We'll see.

I'm not looking for responses I'm just airing my thoughts.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on January 26, 2018, 05:46:37 PM
Hi Faith,

The idea of renewing vows is one we have been talking about for nearly a year now. This month was our 34th anniversary and at my birthday party last February my wife eloquently proposed or more correctly, asked me to commit to remaining with her as wife and wife for the rest of our days. Of course not a dry eye in the place. We have talked about a simple commitment ceremony with a few friends and also a grand wedding, dresses and all. I go from one to the other (OMG, some of those dresses are so beautiful!). My biggest problem is that I don't feel worthy of asking people to gather to celebrate with this crazy old lady. I don't know what I would do if we held a party and no one came. You said something similar and I can feel the hurt.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 26, 2018, 06:03:15 PM
Tia, that's awesome that you not only talked about it but been proposed to!

Yes, no one showing up, unfortunately, is a very likely scenario for us. We been to other 'friends' parties, big crowds all supposed friends. We plan one, invite. We get maybe 5-6 and not all at once, just straggling through in their spare time :(

Sounds like you should really move forward though. Just think of the all those pretty dresses that you looked at. Psst, you don't need a big wedding to have a dress worthy of one :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 26, 2018, 09:37:32 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on January 26, 2018, 05:46:37 PMMy biggest problem is that I don't feel worthy of asking people to gather to celebrate with this crazy old lady. I don't know what I would do if we held a party and no one came.

I would be there. For yours too, Faith.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 26, 2018, 10:43:10 PM
All I got to say is I better get invites. Whether I can actually  attend is something I don't know.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 27, 2018, 10:31:53 AM
Quote from: Laurie on January 26, 2018, 10:43:10 PM
All I got to say is I better get invites. Whether I can actually  attend is something I don't know.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on January 26, 2018, 09:37:32 PM
I would be there. For yours too, Faith.


- Stephanie

Of course you'd both be invited, along with everyone on here. There is a short list of 'important invites' .. hmm, I wonder who they are? ;D

Steph would be obligated, no choice there, she lives too close to make excuses ... Laurie, I may accept an excuse, we'll see. I'll work on my guilt-trip special powers. Women seem to be real good at guilt'ing people into things. Jayne .. JAYNE!! WAKE UP FROM VACATION!! .. Jayne has to come, better start saving now or I'll have to cancel before we even start.  And none of that guy mode garbage. Once you're here your true self must shine - that means everyone who's still teetering.




Another step.

Did I mention taking a morning dog walk the other day in my day dress? I can't remember. I'd figured, it's early, just me .. off with the dogs. Well, some bicyclists ... about 20 or so ... go riding by all strung out .. G'morning .. Good morning .. over and over.  :o

Anyways, today, another morning dog walk, day dress. Lori went with me. She has no problem with me in a dress around home or out walking in our area. In town in public, not ready. That's OK I'm not ready either. I may never wear a dress 'in town' I do want to get comfortable with the choice though. One of those, "I want to know that I can, even if I never do".

It's another good day. So many in a row, I don't know what to do with myself.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 27, 2018, 10:36:07 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 27, 2018, 10:31:53 AM
Did I mention taking a morning dog walk the other day in my day dress? I can't remember. I'd figured, it's early, just me .. off with the dogs. Well, some bicyclists ... about 20 or so ... go riding by all strung out .. G'morning .. Good morning .. over and over.  :o

Anyways, today, another morning dog walk, day dress.

Kathy, let me take this one.

Ahem...

Pics or it didn't happen.

Did I do that right?

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 27, 2018, 11:04:23 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on January 27, 2018, 10:36:07 AM
Kathy, let me take this one.

Ahem...

Pics or it didn't happen.

Did I do that right?

Stephanie

HAH!

I don't know about pics, you'll have to ask Lori if she snuck one. I can't seem to take a full body selfie at all much less do it while walking the dogs.

Right now I'm in grungy clothes, I have to play mechanic. I just know I'm going to mess up my nails. On the plus side, I'll get to try a different polish if I do :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 27, 2018, 11:33:15 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on January 27, 2018, 10:36:07 AM
Kathy, let me take this one.

Ahem...

Pics or it didn't happen.

Did I do that right?

Stephanie
Perfect, sister Steph!  Just the right intonation and everything!

Faith, I am so glad things are going well for you.  What an awesome thing to be planning a recommittment ceremony after so many years together!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 27, 2018, 11:49:36 AM
Yep Faith, Pics or it didn't happen. Do I need to have a talk with Lori?

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 27, 2018, 01:42:28 PM
Lori claims she took a picture from the back .. it's gone. I assume it was too ugly and she deleted it 'by mistake'
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 27, 2018, 04:11:00 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 27, 2018, 01:42:28 PM
Lori claims she took a picture from the back .. it's gone. I assume it was too ugly and she deleted it 'by mistake'
Well tell her she has been appointed Faith's official photo documentor.  We will hold her accountable in upholding the "No picture,  then it didn't happen" policy.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 27, 2018, 10:25:30 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 27, 2018, 10:31:53 AM
Of course you'd both be invited, along with everyone on here. There is a short list of 'important invites' .. hmm, I wonder who they are? ;D

Steph would be obligated, no choice there, she lives too close to make excuses ... Laurie, I may accept an excuse, we'll see. I'll work on my guilt-trip special powers. Women seem to be real good at guilt'ing people into things. Jayne .. JAYNE!! WAKE UP FROM VACATION!! .. Jayne has to come, better start saving now or I'll have to cancel before we even start.  And none of that guy mode garbage. Once you're here your true self must shine - that means everyone who's still teetering.




Another step.

Did I mention taking a morning dog walk the other day in my day dress? I can't remember. I'd figured, it's early, just me .. off with the dogs. Well, some bicyclists ... about 20 or so ... go riding by all strung out .. G'morning .. Good morning .. over and over.  :o

Anyways, today, another morning dog walk, day dress. Lori went with me. She has no problem with me in a dress around home or out walking in our area. In town in public, not ready. That's OK I'm not ready either. I may never wear a dress 'in town' I do want to get comfortable with the choice though. One of those, "I want to know that I can, even if I never do".

It's another good day. So many in a row, I don't know what to do with myself.
Faith, I'm starting to detect a pattern developing here. Every time I go offline for a bit, I come to find you have made one significant progress. Plans to renew vows, wearing a dress while walking the dog (which I agree with the others pictures or it didn't happen!). It seems I have to leave you alone more often. You also have your consult in a little over a week and will hopefully get your HRT. I won't recognise you by the time I get back home. How exciting! I expect to see more photos of you with an ever growing big grinning smile.

And what's this I hear about a party? I would love to be able to come. When? Where? Details girl! Give us the details!!!

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 28, 2018, 07:56:47 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 27, 2018, 10:25:30 PM
Faith, I'm starting to detect a pattern developing here. Every time I go offline for a bit, I come to find you have made one significant progress. Plans to renew vows, wearing a dress while walking the dog (which I agree with the others pictures or it didn't happen!). It seems I have to leave you alone more often. You also have your consult in a little over a week and will hopefully get your HRT. I won't recognise you by the time I get back home. How exciting! I expect to see more photos of you with an ever growing big grinning smile.

And what's this I hear about a party? I would love to be able to come. When? Where? Details girl! Give us the details!!!

Jayne

Leave me alone, with these people!!??  I don't think so!!!

Party, nothing immediate. The renewal I think will be June of 2022 for our 40th. WOW 2022, never thought I be around for the 2020's .. wait, I'm not yet. :P  Ever growing smile,? It's pretty strained this morning.


I'd like to clarify as well. When I said everyone is welcome I meant it. So, you FtM's that want to come I didn't meant to exclude you. So, the 'no boy mode' obviously doesn't apply to you.




pics or it didn't happen. Against my better judgment, here are two pics. I do not like them. I look like the old man in a dress that I am.

(https://i.imgur.com/sCVOM2F.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/VECgM7B.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 28, 2018, 08:11:44 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 28, 2018, 07:56:47 AM
Leave me alone, with these people!!??  I don't think so!!!

Party, nothing immediate. The renewal I think will be June of 2022 for our 40th. WOW 2022, never thought I be around for the 2020's .. wait, I'm not yet. [emoji14]  Ever growing smile,? It's pretty strained this morning.


I'd like to clarify as well. When I said everyone is welcome I meant it. So, you FtM's that want to come I didn't meant to exclude you. So, the 'no boy mode' obviously doesn't apply to you.




pics or it didn't happen. Against my better judgment, here are two pics. I do not like them. I look like the old man in a dress that I am.

(https://i.imgur.com/sCVOM2F.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/VECgM7B.jpg)
No one said anything about pictures having to be beautiful.  All we said was we need to see one or it didn't happen. Besides those are not terrible. A pretty red dress and a lovely pink hat. What's to complain about?

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: bobbisue on January 28, 2018, 08:26:57 AM
     Faith you look fine better than I go most days and I have been full time for 2 months I don't get many funny looks any more not because I pass as I don't but because I have become comfortable as myself

     bobbisue :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 28, 2018, 02:18:32 PM
Quote from: Laurie on January 28, 2018, 08:11:44 AM
No one said anything about pictures having to be beautiful.  All we said was we need to see one or it didn't happen. Besides those are not terrible. A pretty red dress and a lovely pink hat. What's to complain about?

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Da shoes boss, da shoes :) 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 28, 2018, 02:25:23 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 28, 2018, 07:56:47 AM
Leave me alone, with these people!!??  I don't think so!!!

Party, nothing immediate. The renewal I think will be June of 2022 for our 40th. WOW 2022, never thought I be around for the 2020's .. wait, I'm not yet. :P  Ever growing smile,? It's pretty strained this morning.


I'd like to clarify as well. When I said everyone is welcome I meant it. So, you FtM's that want to come I didn't meant to exclude you. So, the 'no boy mode' obviously doesn't apply to you.




pics or it didn't happen. Against my better judgment, here are two pics. I do not like them. I look like the old man in a dress that I am.

(https://i.imgur.com/sCVOM2F.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/VECgM7B.jpg)

Well, I think you look great, except you forgot to put on the smile. I like the layers with the sweater and wrap. And despite the sign, don't stop!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 28, 2018, 02:29:37 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on January 28, 2018, 02:25:23 PM
Well, I think you look great, except you forgot to put on the smile. I like the layers with the sweater and wrap. And despite the sign, don't stop!

Stephanie

I think she looks great too.  Just if she was trying to find fault with anything........da shoes boss, da shoes :)
Of course heels probably would have sunk into the ground so - nevermind :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 30, 2018, 11:02:13 AM
Hi Faith,

Haven't seen you post in a few days. Hope you're doing well.

As you can see I've changed my name. This is the name I've used for a long time elsewhere, but I thought it wasn't available when I joined. So this is me.

Take care.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 31, 2018, 08:42:02 AM
Katie, hello. Love the name, Katie Ellen, congrats.

I'm doing better now. The dress pictures really messed me up - I deleted them all. I simply could not handle the 'man in a dress' vibe, it was not 'me'.  It is not how I see myself not how I want to see myself. It's been a miserable few days.

I crammed the dresses to the back of the closet. I think I'll let Goodwill have them back.




I announced myself to a few more friends, no one local.




that's it. I've got nothing more to add right now .. time to go back into hiding.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 31, 2018, 11:01:06 AM
I think I came back too soon or I just don't fit in or belong. I try to relate to the topics and it just doesn't seem to go right. I try serious replies that get nowhere or I try humor that obviously doesn't work. Something about me just isn't right. I'm going back to occasional lurking. At least my foot stays out of my mouth that way.

Thanks to the wise words posted that really helped me. I wish I knew some to give in return.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 31, 2018, 11:10:42 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 31, 2018, 11:01:06 AM
I think I came back too soon or I just don't fit in or belong. I try to relate to the topics and it just doesn't seem to go right. I try serious replies that get nowhere or I try humor that obviously doesn't work. Something about me just isn't right. I'm going back to occasional lurking. At least my foot stays out of my mouth that way.

Thanks to the wise words posted that really helped me. I wish I knew some to give in return.

Wow, were you reading my mind?  I was feeling the same thing about just lerking in the shadows. I've been on for close to 3 hours and hadn't posted anything and had a happy thing happen yesterday (having a heck of a time typing with my nails). 

Anyway, you, whether you know it or not, motivate the newer girls such as myself and are helping.  So don't think otherwise.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on January 31, 2018, 12:31:17 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 31, 2018, 11:01:06 AM
I think I came back too soon or I just don't fit in or belong. I try to relate to the topics and it just doesn't seem to go right. I try serious replies that get nowhere or I try humor that obviously doesn't work. Something about me just isn't right. I'm going back to occasional lurking. At least my foot stays out of my mouth that way.

Thanks to the wise words posted that really helped me. I wish I knew some to give in return.
(((SLAP))) <<<<SHAKE>>>> (((SLAP)))

Girl, don't you know I'm on vacation? I leave you alone for a minute and you are posting silly comments. You are YOU! Just be yourself. You don't need to try and be serious or humorous or anything else for that matter. I like you just the way you are, so just be yourself.  And as for the dresses, if dresses aren't your thing, then don't wear them. I can't see myself wearing a dress, it just isn't me. Maybe, possibly, perhaps, I might wear one on a rare occasion, but I'm just not a dress person. There are no rules. No guidebook. Just do what is most comfortable for you.

Now for a little humour. My wife and I arrived in Berlin today. The contents of the minibar are included in the room price. There was a bottle of beer in there and I decided to drink it. I don't drink alcohol.....ever! Now my head is spinning and it really tasted quite awful, but I drank it anyway. I guess I had to drink at least one beer while in Germany. I hope I don't get up in the middle of the night and run around the lobby in my pj's ......or worse!

You do fit in and do belong! You are my friend, so don't you dare go away, I need you.

Be kind to yourself.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 31, 2018, 01:47:07 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 31, 2018, 11:01:06 AM
I think I came back too soon or I just don't fit in or belong. I try to relate to the topics and it just doesn't seem to go right. I try serious replies that get nowhere or I try humor that obviously doesn't work. Something about me just isn't right. I'm going back to occasional lurking. At least my foot stays out of my mouth that way.

Thanks to the wise words posted that really helped me. I wish I knew some to give in return.
Oh hell!! SLAP SLAP SHAKE

You're going to make me come out there aren't you?  Fine! Don't wear the dresses,  they are only clothes. They are not who you are. We don't love you for what you wear,  we love you for who you are. You are not going back into the shadows again. Even if I have to come down there and put you on the refrigerator,  you are not slinking away. No Ma'am! That is not happening!
  Do I make myself clear? Well, do I?

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 31, 2018, 02:17:30 PM
Faith

Sorry to hear that you're feeling so discouraged. I get that way often myself. I used to think that I looked like a guy when I would take pictures of myself dressed. I thought I looked pretty good in the mirror, but the pictures looked male. I tried different styles of clothing and practiced with make-up. Not every picture came out good, but some started coming out pretty decent. Over time, more and more came out pretty good.

Also, I think sometimes we actually look better in person than we do in pictures. My wife is beautiful, but hates having her picture taken. They just seem to come out not looking like her very much.

So don't give up. This won't go away. You'll just get more angry with yourself for wasting time when it does come back.

I think you started therapy? Give it some time. If I can do it, you can do it. You're much braver than I am. I lurk around more than I post. I learn a lot from others. Especially this post.

Hang in there!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 31, 2018, 02:28:01 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 31, 2018, 12:31:17 PM
(((SLAP))) <<<<SHAKE>>>> (((SLAP)))

Girl, don't you know I'm on vacation? I leave you alone for a minute and you are posting silly comments. You are YOU! Just be yourself. You don't need to try and be serious or humorous or anything else for that matter. I like you just the way you are, so just be yourself.  And as for the dresses, if dresses aren't your thing, then don't wear them. I can't see myself wearing a dress, it just isn't me. Maybe, possibly, perhaps, I might wear one on a rare occasion, but I'm just not a dress person. There are no rules. No guidebook. Just do what is most comfortable for you.

Now for a little humour. My wife and I arrived in Berlin today. The contents of the minibar are included in the room price. There was a bottle of beer in there and I decided to drink it. I don't drink alcohol.....ever! Now my head is spinning and it really tasted quite awful, but I drank it anyway. I guess I had to drink at least one beer while in Germany. I hope I don't get up in the middle of the night and run around the lobby in my pj's ......or worse!

You do fit in and do belong! You are my friend, so don't you dare go away, I need you.

Be kind to yourself.

Jayne

Jayne, Jayne, Jayne!

Agreed with everything you said; Faith and not wearing dresses, but to put down German Beer!!!  Octo Libra! 

German beer is vundebar except that you have to drink it exremely cold and at least of them.  Prosit!!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on January 31, 2018, 05:06:46 PM
I'm not the slapping type, but I'm willing to shake some sense into you Faith!!!
Like the others said, if you don't want to wear a dress, don't! It's not what you wear! And I love hearing from you! I think your posts are fun, even if you don't! So keep posting!!
After all, if Laurie has to come down there she might run over me on the way!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on January 31, 2018, 06:36:33 PM
Faith, I understand your apprehension about wearing a dress. I am at the top of my BMI for healthy weight and am 6'2". I wore a dress for a formal work function. I looked ok but I am large. I was very self conscious and to boot I had a wig on for the first time. I was out for about 2 months and went to the function alone. Anyhow, I think I did ok and did have an ok time. I also felt very self conscious in the woman's room. I could not wait until the night was over.

I have a formal event in the fall for work. This time I will have a black dress and I will have blond hair, my own. I am fine in a woman's room and in reality many woman would love to be 6'2" and have told me such. I am down 22 pounds and have 28 to go. I will be thin and in a fitted black dress. I will wear my diamond hoop earrings, pearl neckless and I need a pretty bracelet, perhaps estate. I will have on a deep red lipstick.

Bottom line, 2 years ago I was a different person. I will be full time over 3 years by then and on HRT over 6.5 years (HRT takes time to do its magic). I am a different person now. I see a female in the mirror looking back. I refer to myself internally and externally as a female. I like who I am.   I am looking forward to going to the formal.

What you experienced is totally normal. You have come a long way in a short time but it has been a short time. You need time to grow into yourself. Things that were uncomfortable before are natural now. You are doing well and are hard on yourself. Do what feels right and push the edges a little at a time and stop and smell the roses. Look back on all you have accomplished and take note. In a year do it again and you will be astonished at your new accomplishments.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on January 31, 2018, 06:48:41 PM
Quote from: Rachel on January 31, 2018, 06:36:33 PM
Faith, I understand your apprehension about wearing a dress. I am at the top of my BMI for healthy weight and am 6'2". I wore a dress for a formal work function. I looked ok but I am large. I was very self conscious and to boot I had a wig on for the first time. I was out for about 2 months and went to the function alone. Anyhow, I think I did ok and did have an ok time. I also felt very self conscious in the woman's room. I could not wait until the night was over.

I have a formal event in the fall for work. This time I will have a black dress and I will have blond hair, my own. I am fine in a woman's room and in reality many woman would love to be 6'2" and have told me such. I am down 22 pounds and have 28 to go. I will be thin and in a fitted black dress. I will wear my diamond hoop earrings, pearl neckless and I need a pretty bracelet, perhaps estate. I will have on a deep red lipstick.

Bottom line, 2 years ago I was a different person. I will be full time over 3 years by then and on HRT over 6.5 years (HRT takes time to do its magic). I am a different person now. I see a female in the mirror looking back. I refer to myself internally and externally as a female. I like who I am.   I am looking forward to going to the formal.

What you experienced is totally normal. You have come a long way in a short time but it has been a short time. You need time to grow into yourself. Things that were uncomfortable before are natural now. You are doing well and are hard on yourself. Do what feels right and push the edges a little at a time and stop and smell the roses. Look back on all you have accomplished and take note. In a year do it again and you will be astonished at your new accomplishments.

Rach,

Your words give us all hope and inspiration.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: bobbisue on January 31, 2018, 08:11:36 PM
     Faith I won't give you any slaps or shakes but I have a few hugs available I too have been very down lately and understand I think you look fine you can wear whatever you want  you insight and humor have helped me through the rough times I am experiencing the mirror is not my friend most days but sometimes I see the woman I am meant to be this helps me hang on I feel your pain be well be happy my sister

     bobbisue :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 02, 2018, 06:39:01 AM
wow, thanks all for the support. I really figured I'd just fade away from here. I doubt I'm as much help as you all make out, however, I do help myself by reading through the experiences on here. Some make me feel worse, some better, the average is steady steps forward.

Anyway, I kept hearing some scratching and scampering noises from my inbox. It turned out that two odd critters had infested my email and were causing a ruckus. I tried shooing them away but the darn pests kept running in circles making more noise. It was either get rid of them permanently or adopt them. So, Stephanie and Jayne, you've officially been adopted into my family. I hope you like dogs, we have two.



I am going to paste, with edits, what I replied to Steph. Everyone deserves to hear from me for good or ill..



QuoteSteph, thanks for thinking of me. Thank Jayne as well, I don't have her direct contact.

I'm alive (obviously) with no negative intents that way, I don't know what I am at this point. I peruse the forums and I just feel like an outsider. I simply don't feel like I belong. I try to fit in, respond here and there, I watch posts and replies jump over my comments as if they don't exist while others hold full and sometimes nonsensical conversations. When I try to make helpful comments, someone else says it better with more detail ... why reply at all, obviously what I had to say was just a wasted text box.

Body dysphoria is real bad right now. I'm OK when my wife and I are together. We talk a lot, we're on the same page, everything is good on the home front. Alone, not so good. My brain goes into overdrive and I get a doom-and-gloomy. The only thing that clears my head right now is her. It's a lot to put on her, being short like she is (you know how short people are).  Seeing all the positive, good-looking, posts simply exacerbates the problem. I'm not a poor-me sort. I don't like making sob-story posts just to get the 'pat on the back, it'll be OK' attention. When I find myself replying to something upbeat or positive with my moody-gloom, then it's time to shut up.

Take care and know that I'm thinking of you. Plans are still moving forward for vow-renewal service in 4 years. That'll give you plenty of time to prepare. Probably June 19'ish 2020 .. our anniversary is the 19th so it'll likely be a close weekend date to that .. nothing firm yet.



I'd like to point out, Steph and others, that does not mean wait 4 years to meet any of you. I expect a more reasonable 1st time meet up to occur.

I edited out the bad hair day pics that I had shared with Steph. ugliness abounded. The nail pic was pretty good. A close match for Steph's lavender. I like sparkles though. Here's a picture to show the Steph isn't the only one that can pull of the color. (funny how we both chose the color separately at the same time). I know I know, hers is lavender and mine is really purple .. just go with it.

(https://i.imgur.com/uHTD0KC.jpg)

Also, a picture from the back that hides the ugly. Hmm, I suppose I need to add the story behind that as well:

QuoteI asked Lori if she would curl my bangs a bit to keep them out of my face until I decide what I'm doing with it. WELL .. needless to say, she got carried away just a tad. At least I got to sleep on it to flatten things back out a bit.

(https://i.imgur.com/GFMGkze.jpg)

As you can see, I haven't give up on me I'm just having some really off days.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on February 02, 2018, 06:42:10 AM
Glad you're letting the light shine again!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on February 02, 2018, 07:44:15 AM
Great to hear from you Faith! Love the nails!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 03, 2018, 07:56:08 AM
Hey y'all ... typically I'd say 'hey guys' with a gender-neutral inflection but someone that I won't mention **Kendra** commented about it being a 'language glitch' Well, I glitch enough as it is and don't want to add more. I deal with computer glitches enough to know the misery and frustration that they cause.

... ahem ...

so, where to start, NAILS. Thanks Sarah, I do love the color and I really love sparkles on my nails. I don't know why. I have a new color (colour for some of you other types) to try out but I hate to clean these off. I usually get 2 weeks out of my nails before I have to start over.

hiatus, yes it was a short-lived one but it felt like forever for me. "It was a dark and stormy night .." No no .. that's Snoopy .. and some other rather unimportant entity prior to him. Snoopy gets the win, but I digress ... It was a gray week for me. VERY hard to pull out of.

STEPH!! I'm thinking of you ... just to see if you're reading my verbal dump and to make sure you know that I'm here for you. I'm very mental so sometimes I don't get it out on 'paper'

I had a minor relapse last night. I got pretty grumpy. Lying in bed all morose and feeling sorry for myself, I found myself being attacked. Yes, attacked!! She was totally unrelenting. I found myself feeling much better within the hour and still carried over this morning. I guess what I needed wasn't words, it was affirmation of desirability. Sometimes words are overrated.

I took my profile picture and put it in a folder on my Wife's computer. I told her that when she's ready to make a facebook post, worded simply, and let the world know. It'll be up to her if/when she does it. I know that she'll be the one on the front line of the question so it's up to her when she's ready to deal with it.

psst, she called me a girl this morning I forget the context. I got all warm and missed what she was saying :P

I was supposed to work on the car this morning. My neck is acting up and I wasn't looking forward to it. She went to work ... and ... took the car I was supposed to work on. I think she did it on purpose.

Nice talk this morning. More affirmation from Lori that I'm am moving in the right direction and that she's OK with it. I love my wife (haven't said that in a while, I've been slacking). She commented about me becoming a different person. I said, maybe I'm just getting more me out. Maybe you (she) fell in love with the me on the inside and now on the outside. Lori is very empathetic. She can know how you're feeling just by how she feels. She absorbs it from you. Hide all you want, she knows. I told her that I think she fell in love with the real me that she knew all along was in there and was simply waiting for me to show up on the outside.

Well, that's it for now. Sorry to all of you for getting all dramatic. I'd like to say it won't happen again but it probably will.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on February 03, 2018, 10:56:44 AM
Hay Faith. Glad you're feeling better. That Lori is a very special person.

Don't be apologising for feeling down and sharing those feelings with your friends. I've already had to lecture Laurie (the other one, with the truck) about apologising. It's not allowed. I'm pretty sure it is in the fine print of the forum terms of service. We are here for each other in good times and bad times. Got it? Good!

Btw, I also need to watch my language glitches, I always want to say "guys" in a gender neutral kind of way, but that is hard to do in writing, so I often need to correct myself.

Pictures of your new nail colour please!

Take care,

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 03, 2018, 01:51:54 PM
Hi Faith,

  I will agree with Jayne wholeheartedly, Lori is such a wonderful person for you. She does need to be available to us though. How is she going to know that she needs to smack you good for us? I mean really I have no problem asking her to administer corporal punishment for me when you need it. It could even save me a trip. I know you May want to see me March down there to smack you personally but you do realize this is only the beginning of February, don't you hun. I May have other commitments soon.
  I loved what Lori did with those curls they look very pretty but I'm wondering what caused to color change? The color look really nice.
I'm glad you are back with your avatar too.

Hugs,
  the other Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 03, 2018, 04:12:09 PM
QuoteLori is such a wonderful person for you. She does need to be available to us though.

I agree on the first part .. that second part though. I don't know. My survival instinct flared up. I think that could lead to a multitude of Gibb Slaps.

Quotewhat caused to color change?

Lighting. My hair is still silvery-white laced with black .. mostly silvery-white though, my profile pic is the closest. It doesn't really show the silvery sparkles though. Pictures lie about my hair, you have to see it in person .. hint hint ..

JAYNE!! Still on VayCay? You lazy bum. Get back here and socialize!! **pot/kettle**

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on February 03, 2018, 04:50:16 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 03, 2018, 04:12:09 PM
JAYNE!! Still on VayCay? You lazy bum. Get back here and socialize!! **pot/kettle**
Won't be back home until first week of March. Doing lots of walking exploring new places and lots of eating. Haven't got the chocolate yet. We are saving that for Switzerland towards the end of our holiday.

Swiss chocolate is sooooooo good!

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 03, 2018, 04:57:01 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on February 03, 2018, 04:50:16 PM
Won't be back home until first week of March. Doing lots of walking exploring new places and lots of eating. Haven't got the chocolate yet. We are saving that for Switzerland towards the end of our holiday.

Swiss chocolate is sooooooo good!

Jayne

MARCH! you probably said that at some point. Did you say it in my left ear? Partial deafness in that ear, I can't hear womens voices. It drives my wife crazy .."but I told you ..."  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on February 03, 2018, 05:10:02 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 03, 2018, 04:57:01 PM
MARCH! you probably said that at some point. Did you say it in my left ear? Partial deafness in that ear, I can't hear womens voices. It drives my wife crazy .."but I told you ..."  ;D
Pay attention girl! I am very important you know! Don't you keep track of my movements in a diary? Sheeesh!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 03, 2018, 05:15:52 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on February 03, 2018, 05:10:02 PM
Pay attention girl! I am very important you know! Don't you keep track of my movements in a diary? Sheeesh!!!!

I'm sure I did, if I could find it. CRS is a very debilitating disease.

So, when will you be back from VayKay?  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on February 03, 2018, 05:23:43 PM
Ummmmm? March? Is that what I said?

I have to go to sleep now. It's after midnight and I'm pooped!

MARCH!

Be good now...... go listen to Lori with your good ear, she is a wise lady.

MARCH!!

See ya!

Jayne

MARCH. MARCH. MARCH. MARCH. [emoji16][emoji16][emoji16][emoji16]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 03, 2018, 05:25:08 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on February 03, 2018, 05:23:43 PM
Ummmmm? March? Is that what I said?

I have to go to sleep now. It's after midnight and I'm pooped!

MARCH!

Be good now...... go listen to Lori with your good ear, she is a wise lady.

MARCH!!

See ya!

Jayne

MARCH. MARCH. MARCH. MARCH. [emoji16][emoji16][emoji16][emoji16]

MAH-ARR-CHA

got it.  go to bed now
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 03, 2018, 05:32:00 PM
What's all this about March? Did some one enlist in the army or something. Or did I get it wrong? I May have at that but wait a minute it's not March or even May It's February isn't it? I'm so confused now. Dang you Faith and you too Jayne!

Hugs,
  The other Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on February 03, 2018, 09:36:50 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on February 03, 2018, 05:23:43 PM
Ummmmm? March? Is that what I said?

I have to go to sleep now. It's after midnight and I'm pooped!

MARCH!

Be good now...... go listen to Lori with your good ear, she is a wise lady.

MARCH!!

See ya!

Jayne

MARCH. MARCH. MARCH. MARCH. [emoji16][emoji16][emoji16][emoji16]


https://youtu.be/oRKhGRfM8R4?t=74
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 05, 2018, 06:44:07 AM
I had to escape into my 'safe zone'. I don't know what to say, it is totally unbelievable the gall of some people to invade my privacy and personal space for their own agenda.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I'm going to report the Fridge Campaign for rancid and underhanded spam distribution.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Oh, some Law-ree person says I have to be clear about humor from now on .. so ..  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 05, 2018, 07:47:46 AM
update .. not much changed. Still fighting the typical battles. I feel lucky that mine are mild compared to others that share their story.

One battle is really tough .. MAKEUP .. Who designed this stuff? Why can't there just be a single application powder that goes on and sets .. done. Right?

'put this on first' 'do this second' 'blend with this brush' 'cover with this powder' 'spray with this set spray' "CRAP, it's on too thick, wipe some off" "opps, too much, start over"  CLOWN MODE!!???!!??  really? I can't go to work like this, now I'll be late!!! OH, and how about an eye stamp or printer? Center stamp, close eye, pfft, done.

Maybe I should spray myself with pepper spray every morning and call it allergies.

Lipstick, Ok, that isn't so bad .. except that I don't have any lips to speak of (of, not with. I speak just fine, thank you very much). Picking a suitable color, well, that a whole other story. How the heck am I supposed to know? Use this color liner with that color lipstick. Fill thin, fill thick, smear .. Well, I had to wash that cup anyway ... kiss goodbye, sorry honey, I know you don't wear lipstick, how's second-hand for you?

So

how's your day starting out?    ::)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on February 05, 2018, 07:56:24 AM
Oh, the joys of makeup!

I got the store assistant to pick my colours for me.  She did an excellent job.  (I was presenting as male at the time, and it totally didn't faze her at all.)

I have played around with "the works", but I seldom do a full makeup application unless I am getting all gussied up for an evening at the theatre or something.  Usually, I just do lipstick and maybe a bit of mascara.  Lately, I've begun putting a little bit of foundation on my upper lip to mask the laser scars.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on February 05, 2018, 11:08:19 AM
Hi Faith, sorry, can't help with the makeup. I have no clue. I see those large stores that only sell makeup and get frightened by the size of the store. How can there be so many different type of makeup? I would definitely need someone to guide me and it can't be my wife, she doesn't wear makeup and probably knows less than I do about it.

Anyway, I didn't stop by to talk about makeup, I wanted to wish you good luck with your dr appointment tomorrow. I hope it goes well for you.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 05, 2018, 11:11:25 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on February 05, 2018, 11:08:19 AM... I wanted to wish you good luck with your dr appointment tomorrow. I hope it goes well for you. Jayne

Gee thanks, I was trying not to think about it and there you go, throwing it in my face. With friends like you ... nah, only kidding ... I can't wait, but I have to. I have everything crossed that I can without hurting myself.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 06, 2018, 04:41:22 PM
Progress Report

Not a totally off day, dressed nice. Felt good, not great. Driving through traffic got my blood pressure up, all good now. I hate traffic.

left work early to pick up Lori and head to Planned Parenthood for my appointment. Home now.

Yep, that about sums it up


.... To Be Continued ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on February 06, 2018, 05:37:38 PM
You leave us with a cliffhanger?!  ???
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 07, 2018, 07:41:45 AM
edit: scroll to the bottom for TL;DR

Feb 6, 2018 Progress Report cont.

Ok, thoughts all collected, words formed, all relaxed and sound(ish) of mind.
Expectations: Problem with insurance, self-pay estimate $250  :o


The Trip


As I left work early full of hope and excitement looking forward to a pleasant road trip with my loving wife I came upon an accident blocking lane of traffic. True to those insidious male hormones still coursing through my system, rather than feeling empathy for those involved I felt the blood rising in my system, frustration and anger building at this huge delay in my plans. How far is traffic backed up? How long will this take? ARRRGH?? Why don't people pay attention and drive right? (all better now, I hope those involved are OK)

I pulled up at my house, late but not too late. We still have time to load up and get to my appointment. Not ready? What do you mean not ready? Oh well, I'm not really ready either. We both dither around doing nonsensical things rather than just leaving (I mean, Lori doesn't need clothes, right? Let's just go :) ).

Check the computer for full directions and time estimates, 57 mins to get there. This is using a round-about route to avoid the previously mentioned accident that by now I am sure had miles of traffic backed up. 'Check the clock' as we pull out. hmm, exactly 75 mins until appointment time. We can do this.

Hit the highway, speed limit 70 .. we do 80. It's ok, people are passing us anyways. I turn off at an earlier off-ramp on purpose, any further on the highway and you hit that section famous for afternoon accidents, best to avoid it.

Travel a reasonable side road to get into town, not so bad, normal delays as expected. Back on a main road ... screeech .. full stop. GREAT stuck here in the wrong lane while someone makes a turn across traffic (no turn lane). Huge traffic holes, nope, don't take those let's just sit here longer. GET OFF THE PHONE AND PAY ATTENTION!!.  OK, moving finally. Can't trust that lane, move to the other one. ARRRGGHH. We avoid this lane because everyone in it slows waaaay down to make turns. WHERE ARE THE TURN LANES?? DOT sucks.

Finally, we get back on our primary route, whew. Moving forward, all good now .... CRAP! I'm in the wrong lane. GET OUT OF THE WAY!! I'M COMING THROUGH!. Made it. Fight with the GPS some more, I didn't mention that the darn thing didn't want to start? No turn-by-turn, deal with it. Use the printed paper. Check the directions, 100 feet to your turn. No road. WHAT? I look for the road name very closely .. nothing.

We go too far, great, let's just U-turn in heavy traffic .. grrr .. I get back near our main road, again, NO NO!! The turn is behind us, AGAIN!. I pull off ready to pound on my GPS .. and .. the button shows up to start. REALLY? NOW you show up. Fine. hit start and take me by the hand .. it leads me to a different road. NOPE, it's the right road, the printed paper has the wrong road name on it GRRRR.

TURN HERE!... what do you mean turn here, I'm past it already!  Stupid GPS. Another U-turn in traffic. I hate traffic.

'You Have Arrived'

About frickin' time. Time on the road: exactly 60 mins. Blood pressure increase: extreme.
Was the drive really that bad, nope, it was just me and poor anger management. I'm OK. My wife, on the other hand, spent most of the trip studying dirt spots on her window. weird.



Planned Parenthood



We enter not knowing what to expect. hmm, looks like any other waiting room. Let's get ready to wait. SIGN-IN. No problem, scribble scribble. We'll call you.  I turn to leave as a lady walks up to the paper, rips off the sticky and directs me through the door. We didn't even get to sit down. cool. OOPS, just me. Lori has to wait.

Basic entry Q/A, until I hear. Preferred name *grin* Faith Nicole, thank you. Preferred pronouns *another grin*, she/her. Thank You. Q/A all done, head back to the waiting room. It's still not appointment time.

sit to talk a few minutes, relax, nope. I hear FAITH NICOLE .. My head swivels, oo, that's me. Nope, just me, Lori has to wait some more.

More detailed Q/A. More background, How long, when, how do you feel. How long have you been presenting as a woman? Amazed look on her face during the multitude of questions. Yep, they are still learning about us. They've only been doing HRT services for 1 year and really want to get things right. No problem, ask me anything. Hand her the printed blood work results. COOL. Head for the room, no more waiting. Lori comes in.

Take vitals, BP, hmm, a little high. I sneak a peek as she heads out. 136/104 SAY WHAT? No way. Dr offices always peak me at 140/90.

Enter the Nurse Practitioner, looks at the BP. WHAT!! That can't be right, stupid machine (paraphrase). I'll do it myself. something over something, I don't remember. Well within normal range anyway, whew.

Information time, we do this, that. It'll do this, that. All things I've researched and read here from other experiences.

Labs are too old, figures, more tests. We can draw the blood and send it in, not a problem. We are only concerned about BP. Based on previous labs you should be just fine. New labs are just to be sure. We'll have the results within a week and send out the prescription that same day. You'll get a phone call to let you know. Make an appointment for 2 weeks after starting for a BP check.

I had to gloss over some of the actual visit. I was all excited and didn't retain any of it. I will say. They were very friendly and professional at the same time. The two women that were in there talked about things relating to me. In all conversion between each other and to me, absolutely ZERO misname or incorrect pronouns used. My mood improved every time I heard it.

Time to check out. All set to do that $250 .. ick .. Ok, That'll be $70. say what? WOOO. That sounds much better. Oh sorry, I know that's high (no it's not), a normal visit is around $40. This one is high (no it's not) because it's the first visit. (I know lab work will be billed direct from Quest, it always is. No idea what that'll be until we get the bill).

We head out, spring in my step. On the drive out we are talking, (Lori and I obviously), she commented on how much my mood improved. She had noticed as things progressed inside. Yep, I confirmed that I was just shy of being giddy.

We stop and shop a bit on the way home, nothing special just the dollar store.

The drive home was much more pleasant. I was on a high all evening that persists today.



tl;dr



Planned Parenthood - good visit, very nice. I recommend it, at least at this location.
Things look good. Extra lab to be done, should have results in less than a week
Prescription will be issued once labs are reviewed (no problems expected)
By this time next week I should be starting initial low doses of HRT

WOOOOOOO
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on February 07, 2018, 08:14:26 AM
I am glad it went well, Faith.  Yes, you captured perfectly the mood swings from the stress and relief of this jouirney. 

I wouldn't be too worried about the BP.  Spiro is primarily a blood pressure medication (use an an AA is off-label), so it will take care of that pretty quickly.  I went in with textbook 120/80 BP.  By my second checkup, my doctor was concerned because it was down to 90/65.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 07, 2018, 08:16:52 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 07, 2018, 07:41:45 AM
Planned Parenthood - good visit, very nice. I recommend it, at least at this location.
Things look good. Extra lab to be done, should have results in less than a week
Prescription will be issued once labs are reviewed (no problems expected)
By this time next week I should be starting initial low doses of HRT

WOOOOOOO

WOOOOOOO indeed!! I'm so happy for you, Faith Nicole!


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 07, 2018, 08:42:58 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 07, 2018, 08:16:52 AM
WOOOOOOO indeed!! I'm so happy for you, Faith Nicole!


- Stephanie
WTG Lori.... errr I mean Faith

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 07, 2018, 09:07:13 AM
Quote from: Laurie on February 07, 2018, 08:42:58 AM
WTG Lori.... errr I mean Faith

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Wha!!??!!  Lori! All she had to do was sit there. This all about me .. ME I TELL YOU!!

No, I know that's not true. The turbulence that I'm putting her through is real and intense. The change to her life is different but no less profound than mine. For me, I see the light in the distance getting bigger as it illuminates the inner me. She sees the light glaring and hiding the me that was and lighting a new me she has to get to know.

Her biggest hurdle is reconciling her religious beliefs with the changes that I am going through. I don't know how to help her.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on February 07, 2018, 12:40:16 PM
Yay! Great news except for the extra lab work, but you expected that would happen. One more week! That isn't long. Before you know it, you will have your prescription. I'm glad the whole doctor visit went well.

Woooohoooo!!!


Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on February 07, 2018, 09:48:20 PM
YAY!! Congratulations! My first doctor appointment was pretty stressful, too (no traffic fun, thankfully!). I actually had a mild panic attack in the parking lot. My first visit was also supposed to be more ($150), but ended up being much less ($85).

I've had many times trying to get to various appointments only to be slowed or outright stopped by traffic. I remember when that would send me into apoplectic rage! Now I just sigh in frustration and start planning possible detours.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 08, 2018, 06:10:55 AM
Nice walk/chat with Lori last night. Mostly about her and how it relates to me.

The reconciliation of my changes and her religious beliefs has her struggling. She says unequivocally that shes here for me and in 'for the long haul'. By the same token, I don't want her to be divided and miserable because of me. She appears OK and happy but I know how easy it can be to hide internal struggles. I don't want her to give up herself for me, there's also no question that I want her with me.

We bounced around just separating ourselves from our 'friends and acquaintances' by simply changing our days out habits. There is very little that draws us into that part of town except our choice to go. Then we waffled back and said screw it, let them ponder and wonder while we enjoy ourselves.

The downside to continuing our current outside activities is that it puts Lori on the front lines of questions regarding me. Sure I told her to answer in any way she feels but it will pile up on her. How much is too much?  Do I 'dress down' when we go out to minimize the effect and exposure? I don't want to, I want to be me. I've hid too long as it is.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting here at work, again all in pink :). I didn't think I'd like this much pink, I think it suits me. I also like purple, red, blue, orange .. well, heck, OK I like colors. I've worn black and gray neutrals for so long to hide myself that I just don't want to any more ... although, I look pretty darn good in all black :)

Ok, back to work .. maybe ..
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 08, 2018, 11:08:49 AM
You'd look good in anything, girlfriend!

If Lori says she's fine you have to take her at her word. Just keep the lines of communication open and be sure she knows it.

If someone asks questions you can intercept them. If they wait until you leave the room, she can just tell them to wait until you get back. Otherwise you could do something like I did, which is have a postcard with a full explanation she can hand them. It's up to you how much you want to explain.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 08, 2018, 01:31:57 PM
Steph, I stole snippets of 'coming out' letters, leaning heavily on your friend's note. Once Lori peruses it I'll print some out and she can hand them to anyone that asks questions. I'll use it as a baseline for emails as well for the last few that I need to inform more directly.

That should take care of one aspect that is still hanging out there unfinished.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on February 08, 2018, 02:16:21 PM
Hi Faith,

In most cases I agree with Steph. If Lori says she is fine, you need to trust her wiliness to speak truth. But as far as the, "If someone asks questions you can intercept them", goes, I have found that I need to allow my Debi to live and respond as her heart directs her. If she wants me to run interference, no problem, but if we are going to live as two equal women, I need to let go of the way the man I was directed things and let her appreciate her independent equality. Just my humble opinion. By the way, my Debi is really appreciating her growth as an independent woman rather than identifying as the wife of the man that was. For what it is worth.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 08, 2018, 02:19:52 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on February 08, 2018, 02:16:21 PM
Hi Faith,

In most cases I agree with Steph. If Lori says she is fine, you need to trust her wiliness to speak truth. But as far as the, "If someone asks questions you can intercept them", goes, I have found that I need to allow my Debi to live and respond as her heart directs her. If she wants me to run interference, no problem, but if we are going to live as two equal women, I need to let go of the way the man I was directed things and let her appreciate her independent equality. Just my humble opinion. By the way, my Debi is really appreciating her growth as an independent woman rather than identifying as the wife of the man that was. For what it is worth.

Tia Anne

I agree, I have already told Lori to answer or not or anywhere in between on details based entirely on her comfort level. The note is for those times she doesn't want to get into it, for whatever reason.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 08, 2018, 10:41:57 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on February 08, 2018, 02:16:21 PM
as far as the, "If someone asks questions you can intercept them", goes, I have found that I need to allow my Debi to live and respond as her heart directs her. If she wants me to run interference, no problem, but if we are going to live as two equal women, I need to let go of the way the man I was directed things and let her appreciate her independent equality. Just my humble opinion. By the way, my Debi is really appreciating her growth as an independent woman rather than identifying as the wife of the man that was. For what it is worth.

I hadn't thought of that. And what I mean is, the thought of directing things as a stereotypical man would, just never occurred to me. I guess Sue and I have always had an unusual relationship in that regard. She's usually been the one who makes more money, and I end up doing most of the cleaning and all of the cooking. Our joke has always been that she's the one who is out hunting and gathering, and I'm the one who's at home barefoot and pregnant. So when I suggested that Faith take on the burden of explanations, it was with the assumption that Lori didn't want to do it. I absolutely agree, Tia, that if Lori wants to direct the conversation, her choice should be respected.

So see? We do agree after all. I knew you were smart!


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 09, 2018, 06:25:02 AM
Quoteif Lori wants to direct the conversation, her choice should be respected.
fyi, so far she just answers, adjusting details based on the person, and says she doesn't mind. I feel better with the insurance of a note that she can use to escape if necessary.

update.

No news from PP (I know, impatient, what can I say ... I'm ready ...). I had planned some retail shopping with Lori last night, not to buy so I guess retail window-shopping? I generally get home first. I get home and .... 5 yr old granddaughter running around. My son had to go get her from school because her parents were working. Since no one was home, she came to our house.

needless to say, that threw a curve into my plans. My granddaughter is really great, a holy terror, but great. too smart for her own good, and mine. Anyway, I walk in and the first thing she says?, "You look silly" (wearing my all pink). I'm like, "What? You don't like pink?" her favorite, of course.

I'm catching up a bit on my computer a few minutes later and she comes in and says, "You're wearing makeup on your eyes!" .. why, yes I am ... kids, sheesh ... :P

I went overboard on dinner, ate too much. The topper was the toaster waffles and Canadian light maple syrup. mmm, yummy, downside: sugar headache .. ARRGGHH .. it lasted the rest of the evening, I can still feel it lingering today.

As we, Lori and I, are taking her home .. a text. No rush, we're not home yet. *shoot* Alright, lets window shop a bit at Bealls Outlet. Let me tell you, there is nothing fun about wandering a clothing store with a piercing headache and a wound-up 5 yr old. I really wanted to find some new slacks, no way was I messing with fitting rooms and the trail/error process. Some other day. I did find some shoes, however.

As we pick up different items, I'll grab one and she'll go, "That's too girly" or Lori grabs one and she'll go, "That's for boys". She has a very specific idea of girls wear and boys wear. It has to be inherit because I know for a fact that there is nothing in my daughters family that teaches gender-specific dress codes. Maybe it's school, schools love to pigeon-hole people and teach stereotypes.

That leads up to my progress for the day: I am sitting here at my desk at work for the first time ever wearing open toed footwear and painted toenails. for the curious:
(https://i.imgur.com/63lbrGn.jpg)
(no, the pinky toes aren't squished - they're twisted. An odd genetic trait in our family)
I picked up a more dressy pair to wear on the 14th when I dress up specifically for Valentines Day .. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER ...WOOO .. I'm excited. Such a simple thing but I spent my life avoiding any sort of dress-up.

Now to get the nerve up to walk around. It'll happen, something always comes up that requires me moving from my desk.

That's all for now.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 09, 2018, 12:21:56 PM
another step.

I just sent the hardest email so far. Two very close friends that we don't want to lose. Their religious beliefs may totally conflict with what I'm going through. If that's the case, they will no longer be friends. I cannot hold back or hide, if they cannot accept me then so be it.

I'll post if I get a response, until then life goes on.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 10, 2018, 02:30:05 PM
Phone call response from my sister-in-law (my older brother's wife).

First you have to understand my brother a little. He does not express love and affection outwardly, and not a hugger, etc .. etc ..

Anyways, call from her. I had sent them an email so that they could think about things. I knew that she had likely told him already (she found out last month w/o real details) but I hadn't heard anything more.

... Full acceptance if not understanding ...

They are both fully ready to accept me and do their best on New Name and pronouns. How they feel about me hasn't and won't change. He has to wrap his head around it other than that, no problem. I told her that it is hard for people to understand if they aren't going through it.

I gave her the imagine story of "Think how you would feel if you woke up tomorrow with a penis"  .. oh yeah, got a response on that one ;D

We spent about an hour on the phone with q/a information and curiosity questions. It's a good progress step.

I'm off to my bath soak.


Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on February 11, 2018, 01:28:45 PM
Great news with your brother. Things are moving along nicely for you.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on February 11, 2018, 02:10:17 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on February 11, 2018, 01:28:45 PM
Great news with your brother. Things are moving along nicely for you.

Jayne
s

OMG Jayne!  Have you been swallowed by quicksand?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 11, 2018, 06:09:26 PM
Valentines Day theme at our music club jamboree. I almost didn't go not wanting to face any one.

Well, We ended up going to church, a bit of shopping at a local thrift store (for the homeless coalition) and found lots of cool stuff. Ended up wearing a Valentines themed outfit out of the store, to match my red velvet finger and toe nails. Picked up some more nice slacks for work and a couple tops that I didn't need.

At the church, no side glances but one OH look. A older gentleman trying to get my attention and say Hi/Welcome .. His face went open OH and he turned away quick when I looked up. Ah well, not everyone can handle a full blast of my face.

At the thrift store I had two ladies ask about clothes they were picking out, one a full on conversation about sizes all being different and how's this look etc. just casual conversation.

Made it to the jamboree.  Had a few avoidance's, several, "Hey, I didn't see you" clueless chats (or apparently clueless) and several WOW, you look great. Along with hugs. I got one sit down, I'm not avoiding you, how are you doing, I have clients going through the same thing .. she's an electrologist .. I had no idea.

Other than eating stuff off our diet and feeling sick (wife actually got sick) it was a very good 'out' day. I'm glad I went. It really settled a few uncomfortable feelings I've had about going out as me.

Oh, and the two good friends went pretty much as expected. the wife is, Still love you, I don't agree. Odds are she'll be civil to me and avoid but still socialize with my wife. I may be wrong, we'll see. The husband, I didn't see any change in demeanor or how he talked to me. No hugs but he shook hands and looked me in the eye .. or he stared at my makeup, I'm not sure. My makeup came out well for the day so that could be it.

That's a quick summation, I'll post more if I think of it before bed.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 12, 2018, 02:16:17 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 11, 2018, 06:09:26 PM
Valentines Day theme at our music club jamboree. I almost didn't go not wanting to face any one.

Well, We ended up going to church, a bit of shopping at a local thrift store (for the homeless coalition) and found lots of cool stuff. Ended up wearing a Valentines themed outfit out of the store, to match my red velvet finger and toe nails. Picked up some more nice slacks for work and a couple tops that I didn't need.

At the church, no side glances but one OH look. A older gentleman trying to get my attention and say Hi/Welcome .. His face went open OH and he turned away quick when I looked up. Ah well, not everyone can handle a full blast of my face.

At the thrift store I had two ladies ask about clothes they were picking out, one a full on conversation about sizes all being different and how's this look etc. just casual conversation.

Made it to the jamboree.  Had a few avoidance's, several, "Hey, I didn't see you" clueless chats (or apparently clueless) and several WOW, you look great. Along with hugs. I got one sit down, I'm not avoiding you, how are you doing, I have clients going through the same thing .. she's an electrologist .. I had no idea.

Other than eating stuff off our diet and feeling sick (wife actually got sick) it was a very good 'out' day. I'm glad I went. It really settled a few uncomfortable feelings I've had about going out as me.

Oh, and the two good friends went pretty much as expected. the wife is, Still love you, I don't agree. Odds are she'll be civil to me and avoid but still socialize with my wife. I may be wrong, we'll see. The husband, I didn't see any change in demeanor or how he talked to me. No hugs but he shook hands and looked me in the eye .. or he stared at my makeup, I'm not sure. My makeup came out well for the day so that could be it.

That's a quick summation, I'll post more if I think of it before bed.
Hi Faith,

  Yeah I am still around and have read some of eeveryone's posts when I could. Michelle kept me pretty well tied up. I'm caught up with your thread and must say you arr making some good progress girl. Progress in dealing with the reality of being yourself with the help of your better half. Listen to Lori!

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 12, 2018, 06:19:09 AM
Law-rie!! Glad you made it home safe, You deserve those get-outs. There's a whole fresh world out there waiting to meet you.

Yes, I am getting more comfortable with myself. I'm still self-conscious a lot. It should fade in 15-20 yrs or so. I pulled my day dress out of the back of the closet to wear again. I love wearing it, I did avoid mirrors and didn't take any pictures though.

Lori's still struggling within herself a bit. She obviously loves and supports me, her christian beliefs get in the way of full acceptance. The 'wife friend' mentioned above asked if she wanted to get together to bible study to find answers to what I'm going through. Well, I'm no help there, I just asked her to please not let someone's interpretation taint the words. You can twist the meaning of the printed word so easily to mean something completely opposite of intent.

Still no word on my prescription. It's early yet, they did say a week to get the results, I'm impatient. Tomorrow is a week .. HURRY UP!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 12, 2018, 10:00:17 AM
So, I remembered a couple things from yesterday.

an acquaintance friend sitting at another table hollered for me. I looked up and he said, "Hey, -DN-, How's it going?" I gave the generic hello, I'm fine response.

Why is that anything to mention, well, I also saw the look on his wife's face. I think she prodded him to at least say HI and pestered him until he did it. I was kind of sitting alone (wife off having discussions, some about me :/ ) and I think she felt that I was being ignored .. which I was for the most part.

The other thing. The one friend that asked about it last jamboree, she takes the entry money at the door, official greeter and all that. Anyway, I walk in, she gives Lori a kiss and a hug and turns to me and ... I get the same. She is very outgoing but that doesn't change the fact in the years we've known her she's never had more than the basic hello hug for me. It felt good. I think that, in itself, made yesterday's jamboree an easier one to get through.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 12, 2018, 11:45:21 PM
Hi Faith,

  It is so nice to see you beginning to get used to being yourself. Yes it can be difficult at times if you let it be. You will get even more comfortable with being yourself the more you live as yourself.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 13, 2018, 08:56:12 AM
Things are going pretty much as I expected with the two friends that are married. The female friend is basically concentrating on finding bible verses to convince Lori how wrong it all is. The male friend just summed up that he can't accept it and how bad it is for my family.

I didn't mince words, I texted back that I'll stay away from shared functions. I have no desire or need to force myself upon others. I thanked him his past friendship and told him that I'd miss it but I have to be who I am.

It hurts, I'm trying not to break down at work. Even so, it's the right thing for me. I won't stop Lori from socializing with them. I won't ask Lori to avoid them, I will ask her leave me out of the conversations. There are plenty of shared interests that they have that has nothing to do with me. I don't need saved, I need love and support. If they cannot offer it, I won't be around. People don't need to agree with me, just accept me for who I am.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 13, 2018, 09:15:17 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 13, 2018, 08:56:12 AM
Things are going pretty much as I expected with the two friends that are married. The female friend is basically concentrating on finding bible verses to convince Lori how wrong it all is. The male friend just summed up that he can't accept it and how bad it is for my family.

I didn't mince words, I texted back that I'll stay away from shared functions. I have no desire or need to force myself upon others. I thanked him his past friendship and told him that I'd miss it but I have to be who I am.

It hurts, I'm trying not to break down at work. Even so, it's the right thing for me. I won't stop Lori from socializing with them. I won't ask Lori to avoid them, I will ask her leave me out of the conversations. There are plenty of shared interests that they have that has nothing to do with me. I don't need saved, I need love and support. If they cannot offer it, I won't be around. People don't need to agree with me, just accept me for who I am.

Exactly Faith. Exactly! You are better and stronger than any bigot, zealot, or hypocrite. Your goals are clearer, your horizons are wider, and your determination is stronger. You don't deserve, and shouldn't accept, their hate. You have too many people who love you to tolerate that.

You are much too big a person to tolerate small ones (well, except for me, of course).

- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 13, 2018, 09:44:42 AM
Thanks Steph. I don't care what people say, you talk as big as any tall person ;D

I'm trying to keep my spirits up, it's hard. I just remind myself that as long as I have Lori and my immediate family I have everything that I need. Which is also more than a lot of people have that are going through this.

What I really hate is that Lori has to limit or lose friendships for me. She's already dealing with so much, adding more is killing me (not literally, obviously).




Meanwhile, my labs are in. They called back with an unknown number .. which my phone blocked and sent to voicemail so I missed it. Now I have to wait by my desk phone until it rings to catch it before it forwards to my cell.

OH, and the labs came back listed for (F)emale .. hmm, a few reds in there :P


Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 13, 2018, 09:15:17 AM
Exactly Faith. Exactly! You are better and stronger than any bigot, zealot, or hypocrite. Your goals are clearer, your horizons are wider, and your determination is stronger. You don't deserve, and shouldn't accept, their hate. You have too many people who love you to tolerate that.

You are much too big a person to tolerate small ones (well, except for me, of course).

- Stephanie

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on February 13, 2018, 11:50:13 AM
I'm sorry that happened to you! Always remember, you've made lots and lots of new friends here, and you'll continue to make more as the true you. We're here for you! :icon_hug:

Quote from: Faith on February 13, 2018, 09:44:42 AM
OH, and the labs came back listed for (F)emale .. hmm, a few reds in there :P

I noticed on my first prescriptions that the doctor's office listed me as female! It made me feel wonderful & terrified at the same time - since I was trying to keep it a secret from the general public back then. Not that a good pharmacist isn't going to realize what those pills were for.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 13, 2018, 12:16:36 PM
more frustration.

I finally got the call back from PP. They want me back in first to go over labs, check blood pressure, and injection training. Injections??!!??  I told them what I was told, pills and 2 week follow-up after that for blood pressure.  Nope.

Next available appointment time is 2 weeks from now.

Today is turning into miserable waste of a day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on February 13, 2018, 12:32:52 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 13, 2018, 12:16:36 PM
more frustration.

I finally got the call back from PP. They want me back in first to go over labs, check blood pressure, and injection training. Injections??!!??  I told them what I was told, pills and 2 week follow-up after that for blood pressure.  Nope.

Next available appointment time is 2 weeks from now.

Today is turning into miserable waste of a day.

I went from pills with the original GP to patches with my Endo which she feels are safer.  My original GP wanted me to do injections but I'd make a terrible junkie.  However, I recently had to begin insulin for my diabetes and have been injecting that which I never ever thought I would.  I think that E injections have the most potential for it getting into your system.

And my dear sister Faith, remember everyday you wake up and can admire your toes and fingernails is a good day!!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 13, 2018, 12:56:54 PM
Hi Faith,

  No day however frustrating is a wasted day. It is a day to reflect on and learn a bit more of patience and acceptance. They are days of learning and possible self improvement. And they are days that will make achieving what you were trying to do even more enjoyable when you do get it.
  OMG that even sounded kinda nice. I wonder who sneaked in and type it on my computer. Oh well I may as well send it on to you to see if it helps.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 13, 2018, 01:03:41 PM
Quote from: Cassi on February 13, 2018, 12:32:52 PM
I went from pills with the original GP to patches with my Endo which she feels are safer.  My original GP wanted me to do injections but I'd make a terrible junkie.  However, I recently had to begin insulin for my diabetes and have been injecting that which I never ever thought I would.  I think that E injections have the most potential for it getting into your system.

And my dear sister Faith, remember everyday you wake up and can admire your toes and fingernails is a good day!!!!!

I'm not opposed to injections, all a learning curve, it's the misinformation and misplanning. Had I known this, I would have made the appoitment before I left the last one to get an earlier one.

Speaking of admiring toe and finger nails .... it is valentines ...

(https://i.imgur.com/yuf1QvQ.jpg)




Among the downers today, I get one adamant "We love You, screw those other people" from another friend .. the one I mentioned above giving the kiss and hug. She happens to be the sister of the guy-ex-friend I just talked about. I did not tell her what her brother said. I'm no pot stirrer ... except on here.




Quote from: Laurie on February 13, 2018, 12:56:54 PM
Hi Faith,

  No day however frustrating is a wasted day. It is a day to reflect on and learn a bit more of patience and acceptance. They are days of learning and possible self improvement. And they are days that will make achieving what you were trying to do even more enjoyable when you do get it.
  OMG that even sounded kinda nice. I wonder who sneaked in and type it on my computer. Oh well I may as well send it on to you to see if it helps.

Hugs,
   Laurie

thank you impostor-Laurie. I know that intellectually, trying to tell my emotional side is the problem. I didn't used to have an emotional side. Something is seriously amiss. psst, Steal that keyboard anytime that you want, you type better than real-Laurie. Typos are hard to decipher sometimes.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 15, 2018, 06:25:00 AM
Still bumming around about losing friends. Sure you can say that real friends will stand by you. That's true to a point. I can totally understand someone not wavering on their convictions. If you truly believe that what someone is doing is wrong, and you cannot convince them otherwise, the choice becomes accept it or cut them loose. They happened to choose the latter.

I do have problems with people that refuse to accept differences and not be willing to entertain alternative viewpoints. If your viewpoint is so right and correct and perfect, you should have no issues hearing the other views and be ready to counter them. If you cannot, the issue with you not the topic.

Couple that with reading all the "squeee" moments on here. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for everyone that gets those moments, you all deserve them (YAY STEPH!). It does counterpoint that I am still waiting for my first one. It's makes for a real bittersweet happy/sad feeling.

My announcement email went out a few days back to the rest of my family. No responses whatsoever. Are they cool with it? Just 'whatever'? Hate it/hate me? Hearing something would be better than nothing

The single biggest thing in these negative feeling moments is Lori. She speaks up about her issues dealing with 'it' and coming to terms. With that, she also states that she feels we are in a much better place than before and does not want anything to go backwards. She is never confrontational, simply expresses how shes feeling at the time. You can't ask more than that, well, other than full acceptance.

So I sit here in a reasonably good mood tainted with feeling sorry for myself that the world doesn't cater to my every desire with bright sunshine and roses. Well maybe not roses, I'm still not a flower person.



Enough with the negativity .. STEPH!!  Looks like it's a go to meet Steph and Sue on Saturday. We are so exited to actually meet up ... is it Saturday yet? Sorry Steph, I'll dress up but not in an actual dress. I'll not mess up the occasion ruining a perfectly good dress by putting my body into it. Casual, yep. Besides, if we beach walk what I wear must be up to the task.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on February 15, 2018, 05:06:40 PM
Hi Faith,
This is Debi, Tia Anne's SO. I am posting on her site because after composing a wonderful reply to you my computer decided to eat it then shut down. I seem to have that result with many things technical. So I will try to recreate my reply.
I can relate to your wife Lori. Tia Anne and I have been walking this minefield for three years and I believe that we are closer then we were when we were husband and wife, but it was not always easy. (I now see us as wife and wife happily married) For every transition situation Tia went through I had to change too. With each change I had to decide if I was going to accept it as a relationship breaker or builder. My biggest question, once I got past the belief that where we were going was sin, was "who am I?" God answered my first dilemma by assuring me that He was the Creator of Tia Anne. Once I heard from Him that my original beliefs were fallible our relationship became strong again. It was then that I began working on the answer to who I am. Isn't that the question that we are all asking as we transition through this life? Once we can answer it with vulnerability and transparency is when being part of a couple can become beautiful. I will say that communication is an absolute must on this war-front. Standing hand-in-hand and heart-to-heart against everything that comes at you is a must but it doesn't always mean you will both be on the same page at the same time. Be patient with Lori. Remember that you are at a place where life-long dreams are beginning to come true. She, on the other hand is at a place where her dreams are possibly being torn asunder. Most likely being married to a woman was not anywhere on her horizons of imagined possibilities of what life had in store. The change in mind-set takes time. And the unknown is always a scary place to be. It can also be a beautiful place of adventure as the future unfolds before you. Hold on tight to one another. If Lori (or any SO or trans-person) would like to connect with someone who has trudged through the swamp and come out onto dry ground with a relationship more solid then when we started this journey I would be happy to talk about the experiences I dealt with. I will gladly take a PM through Tia's site.

Debi (Tia Anne's wife)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 15, 2018, 07:51:21 PM
Awesome reply Debi. I am looking forward to a time when we can talk again. We'll have to send Tia to Denver or something again.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 15, 2018, 08:14:47 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on February 15, 2018, 05:06:40 PM
Hi Faith,
This is Debi, Tia Anne's SO. I am posting on her site because after composing a wonderful reply to you my computer decided to eat it then shut down. I seem to have that result with many things technical. So I will try to recreate my reply.
I can relate to your wife Lori. Tia Anne and I have been walking this minefield for three years and I believe that we are closer then we were when we were husband and wife, but it was not always easy. (I now see us as wife and wife happily married) For every transition situation Tia went through I had to change too. With each change I had to decide if I was going to accept it as a relationship breaker or builder. My biggest question, once I got past the belief that where we were going was sin, was "who am I?" God answered my first dilemma by assuring me that He was the Creator of Tia Anne. Once I heard from Him that my original beliefs were fallible our relationship became strong again. It was then that I began working on the answer to who I am. Isn't that the question that we are all asking as we transition through this life? Once we can answer it with vulnerability and transparency is when being part of a couple can become beautiful. I will say that communication is an absolute must on this war-front. Standing hand-in-hand and heart-to-heart against everything that comes at you is a must but it doesn't always mean you will both be on the same page at the same time. Be patient with Lori. Remember that you are at a place where life-long dreams are beginning to come true. She, on the other hand is at a place where her dreams are possibly being torn asunder. Most likely being married to a woman was not anywhere on her horizons of imagined possibilities of what life had in store. The change in mind-set takes time. And the unknown is always a scary place to be. It can also be a beautiful place of adventure as the future unfolds before you. Hold on tight to one another. If Lori (or any SO or trans-person) would like to connect with someone who has trudged through the swamp and come out onto dry ground with a relationship more solid then when we started this journey I would be happy to talk about the experiences I dealt with. I will gladly take a PM through Tia's site.

Debi (Tia Anne's wife)

Thank you Debi for your perspective, it is much appreciated. I had Lori read it .. may be a bit soon for her, it took her a few hours to pull herself together. The whole "wife and wife" part was too much for her at this juncture.

We always say to take it one day at a time but it's hard to not think 2, 3, 4 years down the road and get overwhelmed.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on February 16, 2018, 12:57:31 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on February 15, 2018, 05:06:40 PM
Hi Faith,
This is Debi, Tia Anne's SO. I am posting on her site because after composing a wonderful reply to you my computer decided to eat it then shut down. I seem to have that result with many things technical. So I will try to recreate my reply.
I can relate to your wife Lori. Tia Anne and I have been walking this minefield for three years and I believe that we are closer then we were when we were husband and wife, but it was not always easy. (I now see us as wife and wife happily married) For every transition situation Tia went through I had to change too. With each change I had to decide if I was going to accept it as a relationship breaker or builder. My biggest question, once I got past the belief that where we were going was sin, was "who am I?" God answered my first dilemma by assuring me that He was the Creator of Tia Anne. Once I heard from Him that my original beliefs were fallible our relationship became strong again. It was then that I began working on the answer to who I am. Isn't that the question that we are all asking as we transition through this life? Once we can answer it with vulnerability and transparency is when being part of a couple can become beautiful. I will say that communication is an absolute must on this war-front. Standing hand-in-hand and heart-to-heart against everything that comes at you is a must but it doesn't always mean you will both be on the same page at the same time. Be patient with Lori. Remember that you are at a place where life-long dreams are beginning to come true. She, on the other hand is at a place where her dreams are possibly being torn asunder. Most likely being married to a woman was not anywhere on her horizons of imagined possibilities of what life had in store. The change in mind-set takes time. And the unknown is always a scary place to be. It can also be a beautiful place of adventure as the future unfolds before you. Hold on tight to one another. If Lori (or any SO or trans-person) would like to connect with someone who has trudged through the swamp and come out onto dry ground with a relationship more solid then when we started this journey I would be happy to talk about the experiences I dealt with. I will gladly take a PM through Tia's site.

Debi (Tia Anne's wife)

And an awesome couple you two are! 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 19, 2018, 01:17:17 PM
We're still working on Lori's reconciliation within herself. She has to work to undo (revise?) the beliefs based on others interpretations, instilled in her over the years, and read and interpret for herself based on context and translations of the time period. I don't want her to just take a new interpretation from someone else. This is something that she has to work out on her own, albeit, with input for other sources.

I'm not sure I stated all that correctly.


Hopefully today marks the day that she speaks directly to her Mom about what we are going through. We finally got it worked out that one of her dreads is her family's reaction to finding out. Just like my side, some people will not take it well and others with just shrug and go on with their lives while still others will go off the deep end.


I am just relieved that through all our discussions she reiterates that she's standing by me and not going anywhere unless I push her away .. well, that's not going to happen.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 20, 2018, 08:38:39 AM
Another new day.

Lori talked to her Mom yesterday, nothing direct. When they asked how I'm doing she just replied, "He's good, getting in touch with his feminine side". Their reply, "That could be a problem" and the conversation moved on. (paraphrased)

I forgot about another step on Sunday night. We had walked and talked (yes, at the same time. No gum though). Lori brought up my guys shirts. I simply said that I haven't worn them. She said she had removed some to see if I noticed .. umm, nope, I don't look at them I just try to squash the flatter to the back to make room. She said we should just get rid of them then.  So, that night all my remaining guy things hit the give-away bag .. minus some trail socks and over-sized long-sleeve shirts. Those are always in style on cold days :)

Tonight is another Therapy session. I have a few things to air, nothing overwhelming. Once I get a proper letter I'll cut back on the visits. I know I don't really need a letter for medical treatment but it may help with insurance, if they cover at all. I still haven't tried. Planned Parenthood visits are cheap enough for out of pocket.

I need to consult with my GP. He's all worked up over my labs for my kidneys. I know it's from the spearmint tea that I drink .. used to drink. I've since stopped drinking it. I've actually stopped any supplement that may interfere with meds. The consult, for me, is for my blood pressure. I need my prescriptions refilled.


So, there you have it. Another worthless unimportant post of more more worthless unimportant stuff. Makes me wonder why I post at all. So many others have much more interesting updates and progress to share.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 20, 2018, 08:52:20 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 20, 2018, 08:38:39 AM
Another new day.

Lori talked to her Mom yesterday, nothing direct. When they asked how I'm doing she just replied, "He's good, getting in touch with his feminine side". Their reply, "That could be a problem" and the conversation moved on. (paraphrased)

I forgot about another step on Sunday night. We had walked and talked (yes, at the same time. No gum though). Lori brought up my guys shirts. I simply said that I haven't worn them. She said she had removed some to see if I noticed .. umm, nope, I don't look at them I just try to squash the flatter to the back to make room. She said we should just get rid of them then.  So, that night all my remaining guy things hit the give-away bag .. minus some trail socks and over-sized long-sleeve shirts. Those are always in style on cold days :)

Tonight is another Therapy session. I have a few things to air, nothing overwhelming. Once I get a proper letter I'll cut back on the visits. I know I don't really need a letter for medical treatment but it may help with insurance, if they cover at all. I still haven't tried. Planned Parenthood visits are cheap enough for out of pocket.

I need to consult with my GP. He's all worked up over my labs for my kidneys. I know it's from the spearmint tea that I drink .. used to drink. I've since stopped drinking it. I've actually stopped any supplement that may interfere with meds. The consult, for me, is for my blood pressure. I need my prescriptions refilled.


So, there you have it. Another worthless unimportant post of more more worthless unimportant stuff. Makes me wonder why I post at all. So many others have much more interesting updates and progress to share.

Ok everyone, line up behind me.

SLAP!

Next.

Faith, you know how much I post (and talk, apparently [emoji16]). I started doing it for me, as a sort of journal, then I found out that I have friends here who enjoy keeping up with my good times, and are happy to support me through my bad times. I've also been told repeatedly that my "living the life" posts, both good and bad, are helpful even to those who haven't created accounts here. It's time you realized that all of that applies to you and your posts, too. So stop with the "worthless" mumbo-jumbo, dang it.

Now... congratulations on the boy clothes purge! It's a great feeling, innit?

Your friend (who reads everything you post),

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on February 20, 2018, 08:56:31 AM
Thank you for the update, Faith.  I like following how people are doing.  It doesn't have to be exciting.  Life isn't all anguish and sufferning. 

I think it actually helps the new folks coming along behind us to see that, when the elephants in the room have been rounded up, life just carries on.  It is possible to live a normal life, with some happiness, some unsatisfactoriness, just like cis people do.  Reading about trans people's regular lives in threads like this certainly helped me calm my fears when I was just starting out.

Keep on doing what you are doing!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on February 20, 2018, 10:47:16 AM
Hi Faith,

Thank you for your ongoing journal postings, they are wonderful views into the path of a woman finding her place in life. I will assume that your self deprecating humor is just a tease to bring out responses from Laurie and Steph; there is no way that any of us would consider the struggles and progress, no matter the magnitude, of another brother or sister, worthless or unimportant.

Fun news about purging the old guy stuff from your closet space, congratulations! And I loved the comment about getting in touch with your feminine side and how that might bring up problems; Do you think??? Then again, I have always considered "problems" to be opportunities.

Please keep up the postings, they are an encouragement to us all.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 20, 2018, 11:16:51 AM
Quote from: Anne Blake on February 20, 2018, 10:47:16 AM
Hi Faith,

Thank you for your ongoing journal postings, they are wonderful views into the path of a woman finding her place in life. I will assume that your self deprecating humor is just a tease to bring out responses from Laurie and Steph; there is no way that any of us would consider the struggles and progress, no matter the magnitude, of another brother or sister, worthless or unimportant.

Fun news about purging the old guy stuff from your closet space, congratulations! And I loved the comment about getting in touch with your feminine side and how that might bring up problems; Do you think??? Then again, I have always considered "problems" to be opportunities.

Please keep up the postings, they are an encouragement to us all.

Tia Anne

some people are too inciteful insightful. Too many times I go to 'poke the bear' and it rolls over for a belly-rub :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 20, 2018, 11:20:53 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 20, 2018, 11:16:51 AM
some people are too inciteful insightful. Too many times I go to 'poke the bear' and it rolls over for a belly-rub :P

Mmmmm. Belly rubs. I'll give you twenty minutes to cut that out.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on February 20, 2018, 09:23:01 PM
I like to know what everyone's up to- good, bad, or meh. I'm just nosy that way. Congrats on the guy-stuff-purge! I've only gotten around to that in the last couple weeks. Though they are still in my car trunk.... I wish I could remember things.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 21, 2018, 09:29:27 AM
rough therapy session. Truth hurts. My wife opened up on her conflicts and issues. Nothing leaning towards separation or anything, just stuff she's struggling with. For myself, the guilt for what I am putting her through taints what would be a very happy and exciting journey for me/us. I do not fault or blame her, I knew when I told her that she'd have trouble with it.

Past/present/future concerns all blur together to cause stress and unhappiness. You can say one-day-at-a-time all that you want, the reality is, it's difficult if not impossible to achieve.

For myself, I do not have any conflicts within myself. I know who I am, I know what I feel, it's the affect that it's having outside of myself that I am striving to deal with.

We ended the evening all settled and comfortable and pleasant togetherness. Getting it out really helps, dealing with it as it comes out is hard.


I have to eat a little crow (is that still a phrase used?), it turns out the the 'friends' were not trying to push us away or outright say it's all wrong. Yes, their beliefs say it's wrong. I say their interpretation of it is wrong. They want to keep our friendship and are struggling to understand. Well, join the club. No one can truly understand unless they are the ones going through it. Even at that, I have trouble understanding myself, I just know what's right.

I plan on reaching out see about meeting for an afternoon or evening where I can try to help them come to terms. I don't want to have to sell myself and I'm not going to but I will try to help them understand as best they can and strive for acceptance. Acceptance I can handle, 'tolerate'? ... nope.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 21, 2018, 05:41:04 PM
Hi Faith,

  For what it is worth I think you are doing the right thing on both topics. Trying to understand and help Lori as she is also helping you is the right thing. It will take exploring the issues and helping each other to come to acceptable resolutions for both of you. I have faith that you two can do it if anyone can. I believe in both of you..

  As for your friends having a talk with them is a good step with them and as you say you want to answer their questions to help them understand but you are who you are and they also need to know that will not change. Ultimately the choice is their  to decide to continue the friendship. Religious beliefs can be as strong as your belief in yourself. They may not be able to reconcile the friendship with their religion. I know this from first hand experience. Granted there were other complications involved but that was one of my daughter's stated issues. It could not be reconciled and therefore I am no longer part of their lives. This may also happen with your friends and again that is their choice. You however don't have a choice in who you are. Be happy in knowing that you are who you are. You are right with the world now.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 22, 2018, 07:37:29 AM
The talk with friends went as  I expected. They both relied heavily upon their bible interpretation of right, wrong, and sin. Despite me trying to steer the conversation to just education and information inevitably it went back to bible study time. It went as far and them bring up the LGBT(how many more letters?) community. Citing how our current cultural is to 'embrace and accept and don't judge' and it's all wrong. Wait, what? I thought that the underlying concept of the bible meant exactly that.

To be clear, I do not have a problem with biblical studies and beliefs. I do have a problem with stringent close-minded interpretation based on translation made by man and from a culture centuries past. Translations suffer enough from one language to another, add to that a cultural interpretation and the original meaning and/or context becomes shrouded or lost. For every person that reads a bible, there are that many interpretations. Like minded cling together and reinforce they're own interpretation based on what they feel is acceptable or not.

To sum it up, They went with the whole 'we love you and accept you. Your body is right because God doesn't make mistakes, it's all wrong and a sin and you're sick in the head and need help'. Friends lost, I have given up on them. They feel sorry for me but not as sorry as I feel for them.

I threw up the crow, I shouldn't have eaten it.

What I really had problems with though, is that Lori is very empathetic so she picked up on their 'vibes' which reinforced the stringent upbringing that she had. It would have been better to not have met with them at all. I feel we've taken a huge step backwards. I wonder if my bags of guy clothes are still at the house somewhere.

Time to go bury my head in my work and try to pretend last night never happened.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 22, 2018, 08:36:17 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 22, 2018, 07:37:29 AM
For every person that reads a bible, there are that many interpretations...

...God doesn't make mistakes.

And there it is in a nutshell. I have a (ciswoman) friend who is religious, and she uses that exact quote to justify transitioning.

As you know, my beliefs parallel yours, but as I mentioned to Lori, if religion centers on the immortal soul, then the body isn't important. If God creates everything, (s)he created that body for you, and put that soul in it. (S)he also gave you the intelligence to know what to do with your life to live as the best person you can be. If (s)he doesn't make mistakes, all of that is intentional on his/her part.

I cannot stand the hypocrisy of stating, "We love you and want the best for you, so we're going to wound you deeply by rejecting you." You are a better person than they are, and they don't deserve your respect or friendship.

QuoteI threw up the crow, I shouldn't have eaten it.

By trying, though, you again proved you are the better person. They didn't reach out to you.

QuoteI wonder if my bags of guy clothes are still at the house somewhere.

Nope nope nopity nope. Don't even think it, girlfriend! You said it yourself: you know who you are. Those clothes, and everything they represent, are not appropriate.

Call or write me any time...


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on February 22, 2018, 08:50:55 AM
I'm sorry it went poorly, Faith. I expected to get a lot more of that type of lack of thinking here than I did, but there was some. I'll just never understand people who are that closed-minded, and let others or an old book (that's been changed throughout time to suit the needs of whoever was in charge!) determine what they should think. I especially will never understand those who think their religion gives them the right to judge or discriminate against others. I truly feel sorry for them, but I just can't deal with them myself. One 'friend' of mine is apparently that way (I've had no idea for years!), including thinking that someone has the right to treat me like garbage just because of their 'beliefs'. So I'm just going to leave him out of my life.
Sigh... I could go on with my problems with people like that or religion in general, but that would go on way too long & might upset someone. Oh, one thing - on the whole 'God doesn't make mistakes' thing. OK, so God MADE you transgender, and gave you the challenge of finding yourself to make yourself a better person.

Despite the outcome, I think you did a good thing talking to them. Some people are capable of coming around, especially when it comes to someone they know. Others, not. Now you know for certain where they stand. Lori sounds like an amazing person, I'm sure you two will work this out.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on February 22, 2018, 08:55:44 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 22, 2018, 08:36:17 AM
As you know, my beliefs parallel yours, but as I mentioned to Lori, if religion centers on the immortal soul, then the body isn't important. If God creates everything, (s)he created that body for you, and put that soul in it. (S)he also gave you the intelligence to know what to do with your life to live as the best person you can be. If (s)he doesn't make mistakes, all of that is intentional on his/her part.

This too! Seriously, God gave you a brain and intelligence, why do you deny them and not use them? (not YOU obviously - those people). Science and the advancement of knowledge are just people using those gifts, understanding the world that (S)he created. How is that wrong?
Arrgh! Sorry... it just gets on my nerves.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on February 22, 2018, 07:40:35 PM
Hi Faith,

I am sorry that you were treated so poorly by your religious (ex)friends. God tells us that we are to love on another, not to judge others. It seems that they didn't read that part. While I am a devout believer you will get no preaching from me. Though I do agree that God does not make mistakes and that they did not make a mistake when they created you, all of you as the caring heart that you are. And you showed how much bigger your heart and compassion is by reaching out to your friends to help educate and form a bridge between two worlds. You are the on that is obeying the command to love one another. I am proud to know you Faith!

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 22, 2018, 07:56:21 PM
thanks everyone, you all keep lifting me up. I'd like to make a personal response to each of you ... nasty headache tonight so more more tonight. I'll see what I can make up for it with tomorrow

Lori and I have talked some more. Just one more bump in the road on our journey but we're still moving.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 23, 2018, 02:08:37 AM
Faith,

   To be honest this is the result I expected. I am proud of you and Lori for trying. As fruitless and disappointing as it was I believe you needed to try and try you did. They however did not. They stuck to there dogma and training as they were taught. Such is the blind faith of organized religion. It is the very part of religion I could not accept when I was interested in such things. As I said above they are now your EXfriends by their choice not yours. You and I and all the rest of us didn't have a choice in who we are. They cannot see nor understand that nor are they capable of overriding their religious beliefs. You are who you are and is just is. I'm proud of you for trying. I tried with my daughter and failed there too.

Hang in there girl.

Hugs,
   Lori
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on February 23, 2018, 02:52:32 AM
Faith,

I am long overdue to reply to you. I have just posted in my thread the reason for my absence. I want you to know that I have been keeping up to date with your progress, although I have not been able to reply to you, or anybody else.

You have been making some awesome progress. I am so proud of you. Too bad about your (ex) friends who were unable to get past their own prejudices. You did the right thing by trying to straighten things out with them, but at the end of the day, it is their loss to lose you as a friend.

Take care.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 23, 2018, 07:09:25 AM
Jayne! Welcome home! (temporarily). I didn't know whether to respond here or in your thread. I'm lazy so all in one place. You just keep holding yourself together. Changing your outward appearance may show the world who you are but just remember, you're always you on the inside. No reason you cannot give Jayne free reign in thought if not in presentation. Enjoy your VayKay, I expect lots of stories to make up for the many days of nothing. Seriously, no posts? I run out of things to read ......


Lori is still looking for guidance and answers, I fear she'll find the wrong ones. Yes, I expressed this to her. My single biggest fear is losing her. If she should find that her answers lead her to leave, I would be devastated. I've told her that that's why I hesitate to dig too deeply into scripture. We all read and interpret it based on our history and culture. Her history is a strict interpretation.

two hurdles to cross, reconciliation with 'faith and 'Faith' and also woman-woman. Lori still cannot handle the thought of being wife-wife. Spouse-spouse means the same thing to her. How that stacks up to having a reverse-dressed vow-renewal ceremony, I have no idea. To be honest, I am hoping that once I start meds that the dosage is enough to settle my head, make just enough change to satisfy the inner me, and leave enough old me on the outside to ease Lori's concerns. Right now I do feel that I'd be OK with minor changes that let me out without going 100% female in presentation. I'm close now. I can feel the edginess when I sit still so I know I'm not there yet. I really believe that an androgynous presentation will likely be my outcome ... let people wonder who/what I am.

I've stated repeatedly, and I'm sorry if this offends anyone but I am speaking for myself only, I do not and never want to look like a man in girls clothes. If that works for you (whomever you may be), that's great. It will not work for me. BUT, if I'm dressed up and people are unsure, I'm perfectly OK with that .. let confusion reign ;D


Back to the (ex)friends. The whole conversation is a bit foggy now. Really, since they couldn't focus on me and my handling of how I want to be it kind of shut my brain down from paying much attention to anything that they said. I did confront one thing that was said and they refused to accept my answer. What was it? well .....

... The male friend looked at me and asked how my children were taking it. I had already said they were fine so I deflected and told him Lori could answer that question. She told him the same thing, our children are fine with it so long as I am happy. Well, he didn't accept it. He stated straight out .. No way, they are lying to you. It is like their Dad is dying and they are losing him. They are just afraid to tell you the truth because it will hurt your (my) feelings.

I told him straight out, "You don't know how my children feel, you are projecting your own issues onto them" OH No! not doing that. Your children are lying to you.

That shut me down. I lost all interest in hearing anything they had to say at that point. It was proof that no matter what they said about love and acceptance it was clear that they had no comprehension or understating of the situation and did not want to know. They just want to 'fix it' their way. I don't need your fix, no thank you very much.

Anyway, back to work. As ME .. not him, not her, a mixture that is ME.


ps.

This post may sound a little depressive or down. Nope, I don't feel bad really. Not really happy but I blame that lingering headache. Still, my headaches are so much less frequent now that they bother me more when they come. I used to have chronic 24/7 headaches so it became a ritual of 'ignore it, work around it, treat it when it's unbearable'. To actually go days w/o one is still strange to me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 23, 2018, 02:17:50 PM
Not worthy of a 'happy moment' post. More a continuation of moving forward at work.

One thing, no one that has seen me recently at work is unaware unless they are blind. This is about me specifically informing people that I want to give more personal attention.

first was another direct co-worker. He's never said anything amiss nor looked at me any different. Also obvious he knew but didn't ask. I initiated the conversation to allow for questions. I gave him my 'out' letter to cover the basics. No problem, done deal.

the second one today was our main receptionist. She's always been very friendly. Anyway, When I walked in she had other people there, so I handed it to her and said don't read it now. She folded it under her phone and I walked out. Likely she read it as soon as I walked out, I just didn't want to be in there.

Later I went back and asked what she thought. I did not get a brave or courageous or anything. I did get a big smile and a congratulations. Well, that's the first congrats that I've received :P We did a little small talk and she mentioned another girl, I forget her name, that liked my boots but was afraid to ask me .. HAH! .. No problem, told her where and told her to tell the other girl to ask anything. I also said I am open to critiquing. Her response? You're doing fine. I guess that's a positive on my presentation at least. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahFehrman on February 23, 2018, 02:20:55 PM
Happily take your roses when they're given to you! Don't worry about the thorns. You go, honey - I'm so glad for you. And a teeny bit envious! [emoji182]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 23, 2018, 03:29:37 PM
Quote from: SarahFehrman on February 23, 2018, 02:20:55 PM
Happily take your roses when they're given to you! Don't worry about the thorns. You go, honey - I'm so glad for you. And a teeny bit envious! [emoji182]

Hey Sarah, welcome to Susan's!! Oh, and welcome to my little corner of nonsense. It's true, and I have been thorn-stuck a few times, not nearly as bad as most here. I've been pretty lucky overall,  I don't know about being enviable though :P

Work transition has been painless, even supportive. Friends, well, if you managed to get through any of my garbage you know there's issues there. Those issues though I am brushing aside as not worthy of fixing.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 24, 2018, 12:37:54 PM
Another day, another shift of the pendulum.

Lori and I walked again last night, a long walk that seemed short. We just talked and listened. We got to the point of finances and all the things we need to spend money on. She began unloading about all the things on the agenda, financial concerns that shes been stressing over. I let her vent and as it washed over me I felt the guilt and sadness in me build in how much I am the cause of it. Years past I would have cut her short in anger.

Once she got it out and we talked some more, she felt better, my guilt eased off and my sadness lifted. A lot of our financial struggles can be laid at my feet but not through fault, it's just the way it worked out. By evenings end we were both back on track and feeling good.

I showed her some stuff I've found, we chatted about possible upcoming changes and what they mean for us. I showed her a faceapp picture (ya, I know, bear with me here). The picture was not a dramatic change like some are. You could see what the app had changed and it was minor. The overall effect was huge. She was like, WOW, that looks great. Were I to change towards that picture, she would be fine with it, so would I. Time and HRT will tell.

She came to the conclusion, on her own, that we are better off not worrying or sharing with others about my changes. She is good with it until we talk with others and then we go off-track. She said, enough of that, I will think for myself not what others think for us.

I've mentioned before, my wife is very empathetic. When she talks to others she picks up their feelings and along with that, any certainty they have of their views and takes them on as her own .. until such distance and some time passes and she's back to herself. She came to this realization on her own and told me, "You know, in older times I would have been burned as a witch for things I do". Yep, I couldn't argue there, she can be a witch HAH!!, no seriously, I didn't say that .. but I couldn't argue, that's true. She has accepted that fact that her upbringing and the strict religious interpretations of certain ex-friends are closed minded and wrong.

Today during lunch (she came home from work to eat with me) she stated straight out that the misgivings are past and ready to work with me to help towards becoming the person that I need to be.

We've been at this point before, the strength of it is much stronger now. She has realized that the waffling and second-guessing and doubt was not coming from inside her, it was coming from others. Now that it's been identified, she can ignore it and move forward.

When you hear the saying, "3 steps forward 2 steps back" I feel that we just made a bunch of steps forwards not just 3 with no steps backwards looming.

Sorry if I rambled in the telling. some of this was thoughts and feelings, very hard to put into words that portray the same thing.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 24, 2018, 01:10:00 PM
Faith,

After meeting Lori and seeing how strong and smart she is, I was pretty sure she'd reach this conclusion. I'm so happy for you both!


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on February 24, 2018, 02:01:20 PM
Don't apologize for rambling.  It was a delightful ramble to read.  Lori is a thoughtful person.  I am glad that she is working through her feelings and is still by your side.  You are a lucky lady!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 24, 2018, 02:30:26 PM
 Hi Lori and you too Faith,

   We have seen how this bad encounter with your suck in the dark ages religious ex-friends had on the two of you. I must say the outcome was sad, stressful and hurtful for the two of you. I expected the outcome because as you know I have have some direct experience along those lines myself with someone much closer to me.
   In several of your previous posts you mentioned this empathy think with Lori and you've related some of the negative effects from it. But I was wondering about the flip side. I assume your visit with Sue and (S)te((p)han)(ie) was a good vibe affair. How did that effect you, Lori? Was it reassuring that you and Faith will make this work? Did it help your own acceptance of the changes possible in Faith. Was it even a good experience for you? And one more Lori question,  Have you thought of getting your or account here  for support from other SOs? It could help.  ((Hugs))
   What? This is Faith's thread? But I thought the two of you are inseparable... Besides I didn't have much to say to you Faith except to say you are doing good and what's for lunch when I get there?

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 24, 2018, 04:32:59 PM
well, I may let Lori read this. This is my online diary and as such is kind of private.  :icon_blink:


Lunch? bread and water, If you smile even a little I'll give you a glass of water to wash it down with.

Seriously, Lunch, hmm ... Better post a few options, we eat pretty bland around here. I've seen what you guys post for eats. Best to plan ahead.

ps, we also plan on being in Virginia the first couple weeks of June.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 27, 2018, 06:21:56 AM
another tiny nudge forward, at least it's ?progress?  ???. I posted in the happy/unhappy thread, either no one saw or no one cared. Eh, no biggie. I'll just post in here to my audience of, hmm, is it 4 or 5 now? Does Jayne still count? Extended vacations, sheesh. Vacations aren't supposed to include Susan's.

Rather uneventful weekend, Lori had to work Saturday. I vegged in the morning watching CRAPTV. I had to wait for my son to get all ready for work and leave before I could tie up the bathroom. Once he left it was too close to Lori's lunch hour, so wait a little more. After a nice lunch I hit the bathroom for my epilator session and long tub soak .. mmm, nothing like a tub nap to take the edge off. After the bath nap I worked on my nails. What a waste of time that was. I tried a different brand .. huge mistake. I totally understand why it was in the mark-down isle. There was no way to apply that stuff right, I tried that night, redo on Sunday, strip it all on Monday night and go with a tried-and-true polish. Not the color I was going for but at least it went on right and set properly.

Sunday she didn't work, rather out of the norm. We lazed around together in the morning then off to window-shop. OK, I've said this before, we cannot window shop together .. we spend too much money no matter how many times we say we're broke. Not only did we break open the piggy, we smashed it to dust and can't use it any more. I got a few more tops, a nice night gown and another dress. Yep, a dress. It looks goood, not on me but the dress looks good. Lori and I both agree, wearing dresses around the house is good for both of us, I like them, she likes them, neither of us feel like wandering the public in one.

Monday, I did a work from home due to having a follow-up at PP. What a waste of time. I really think they 'Plan' things to cost you more in the long run. Blood pressure taken, no change. "No we can't give you Spiro until you GP clears it or you stop taking hydrochlorothiazide" Oh and "No injections, here's a prescription for low-dose estradiol pills. Take them for 3 months and we'll follow-up with more labs and revisit the spiro".

Summary, There was absolutely no reason for an actual visit to PP that cost me more money. What it did do was send me into a funk. Once the words came out about 'no spiro', disappointment hit hard. My primary focus was T-blocker. Nothing said after that mattered at all and, seriously, probably won't have any effect at all. It took hours to break the mood but I finally did ... with Lori's help.

Monday evening, nothing. laundry and a little grocery shopping.

there you have it, another blah weekend in the life of us.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SaraDanielle on February 27, 2018, 09:34:59 AM
Faith,

Just read most of the posts in your journal.  Just wanted to thank you for sharing.  I'm still at the non-transition/maybe low dose HRT stage - but it has been real insightful to see how your wife reacts and the steps you are taking.  My greatest fear in all this is my wife.

Additionally, I am a conservative Christian, so I fear losing my community, not to mention the internal conflict.  It must be somewhat like your wife is experiencing.

Again - thanks for sharing,

Sara
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on February 27, 2018, 10:05:09 AM
Well, that sucks that PP won't let you move forward.  Is there a problem getting your GP to okay it, or is this a new requirement?

Glad to hear about your successful 'window-shopping' trip.   :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 27, 2018, 10:05:53 AM
Hi Sara, welcome to Susan's and my portion of it.

My blurbs are for here for several reasons. It gets my thoughts out on a more permanent setting (CRS is a very bad disease :P ); it allows me to abuse the online friends that I have here; and in the hope that somehow, someway, it helps someone else.

My topic is not in the area for deep religious talk, I don't think there's a problem with generalizations.

Not knowing your religious community views, I cannot speak on how they would react. Most are still not accepting while putting on a good a face. Pulling you in just to 'fix' you.

Keep in mind a few things:


Quote
-The bible has been translated many times ... by man
-Translations of individual words and phrases follow the belief and customs of the times and the person doing the translating
-People interpret the bible today based on current definitions and their own desires and how they were taught .. which came about the same way.

The bible does not always mean what people think it does.



My wife is really coming around to understanding that and has started to reconcile it within herself. I hope you can do the same.

that's it for the religious coverage. I don't feel comfortable getting in to a deep discussion. I do hope it helps a little.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 27, 2018, 10:11:08 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on February 27, 2018, 10:05:09 AM
Well, that sucks that PP won't let you move forward.  Is there a problem getting your GP to okay it, or is this a new requirement?
Glad to hear about your successful 'window-shopping' trip.   :D

I've reached out to my GP. It may require an extra visit. The holdup is my Hydrochlorothiazide prescription, which I am almost out of. All my GP has to do is OK not renewing it, OK the spiro, and monitor my BP adjusting my metoprolol as necessary. Metoprolol is my primary BP med and is currently a lower does than normally prescribed.

window-shopping .. great for moral, bad for the wallet :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 27, 2018, 10:35:22 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 27, 2018, 10:05:53 AMMy blurbs are for here for several reasons....it allows me to abuse the online friends that I have here

Hey! I resemble that remark!

Seriously, though, don't think because I don't comment on every entry that I'm not reading everything. I've been dealing with others things lately that have reduced the amount of posting I'm doing, but I'm watching you closely, missy. Somebody has to keep you in line!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SaraDanielle on February 27, 2018, 10:44:12 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 27, 2018, 10:05:53 AM
Hi Sara, welcome to Susan's and my portion of it.

My blurbs are for here for several reasons. It gets my thoughts out on a more permanent setting (CRS is a very bad disease :P ); it allows me to abuse the online friends that I have here; and in the hope that somehow, someway, it helps someone else.

My topic is not in the area for deep religious talk, I don't think there's a problem with generalizations.

Not knowing your religious community views, I cannot speak on how they would react. Most are still not accepting while putting on a good a face. Pulling you in just to 'fix' you.

Keep in mind a few things:




My wife is really coming around to understanding that and has started to reconcile it within herself. I hope you can do the same.

that's it for the religious coverage. I don't feel comfortable getting in to a deep discussion. I do hope it helps a little.

Thanks for the welcome.  No intent to discuss religion here.  Just wanted to  say thanks and let you know it is helping me to see and understand a bit more how other people experience this phenomenon.


Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 27, 2018, 11:35:32 AM
Hi Faith and you too Lori,

  I am here too reading when I can. I think I can see this problem you two have when out window shopping... You go inside... Going inside leads to fondling the merchandise and that leads to cash and/or credit card depletion. There are various solutions to this problem.
  1. Windows are viewable from the outside of the business. Remain outside!
  2. If you are prone to being drawn into the shops (this is the purpose of those window displays) then leave the means to make purchases at home. From what you have told us this would be your credit cards as according to your posts there is no cash available.
  3. If you do happen to have some of said cash on hand, leave it at home with the credit cards.

  If you and Lori follow these few simple steps you should be able to enjoy your window shopping trips together without consuming your limited funds. 

  Oh one more thing that may help...

  Bring a couple  tin cups along. One for each of you, and sit on the sidewalk while drooling over those window displays and hold siad cups out to strangers who walk by. Many cannot resist the opportunity to feel good by dropping loose change or even paper money into the cups. Doing this could concievably increase your stock of funds.

  I haope these little suggestions help the two of you out.   ;D ;D ;D

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 27, 2018, 04:12:19 PM
My wife, as great as she is, snapped a rear-view picture of me at PP yesterday. She thought it'd make me feel good .. nope. It's just painfully obvious that I'll never be even close to feminine.

what's that? you can't see it .. well, just remember that you can't unsee it ....


https://i.imgur.com/rGSVWd4.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/rGSVWd4.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on February 27, 2018, 05:39:59 PM
Sorry to hear about the spiro. I also may not always comment, but I'm reading. I'm always there.... watching.... bwahaHAHAHA!!!  :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 27, 2018, 07:32:40 PM
Hmmm That woman's pants need to be taken up a little. Is that what you mean? That's the only problem I see.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 27, 2018, 07:52:16 PM
Quote from: Laurie on February 27, 2018, 07:32:40 PM
Hmmm That woman's pants need to be taken up a little. Is that what you mean? That's the only problem I see.

Hugs,
   Laurie

I'm hoping that I end up with a real butt again and then they won't need shortened. When I lost weight, my butt went missing.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on February 27, 2018, 08:53:31 PM
You probably upset it and it went to find a home where it is appreciated more.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 03, 2018, 07:15:39 AM
Not much happening on the home front, just living.

I had to do a site install yesterday (been years since I left my cube). Fisherman's Village in my area of Florida. We're putting in a camera. I was dressed for outdoor roof work, I did do my face and nails. Face for UV .. hey, I'm getting old, got to watch the sun!; nails, well, because my nails are always done. They feel naked today because I stripped them last night for proper oiling, more treatment today to redo tomorrow. hmm, what color? ... but I digress.

Met with the two people doing the install. One has seen me before when we checked out the site (I was skimpy dressed that day, shorts and light top). The other guy I could see the mild 'look and raised eyebrow' at first meet, then all normal.

No odd looks at any time from anyone else. I did notice people looking, nothing overt. Curiosity most likely, I hold no illusion about my appearance. The people I interacted with, they were open and friendly and smiling. Granted, that's how they are supposed to be. It just felt more welcoming then I am used to from years past. Friendly chats, little side comments for chit-chat type of stuff. Even another patron initiated a comment. Not something that typically happens to me. I've always exuded a 'keep your distance' vibe.

yep, that sums it up.

OH, insurance is investigating my denied claims. I doubt it'll make a difference but I had to try.

Next week is new labs at the GP for kidney stuff. That'll cover the BP meds and whether he'll OK Spiro as OK for use. If not, I will start researching to get an Orchi. I want that T gone.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 06, 2018, 10:14:25 AM
got my blood drawn for new labs Monday morning. No results yet, it's too soon.

I just recovered from a serious bout of shakes and cold sweats. I have no idea what from. I didn't feel sick but boy was I shaky with sweat dripping off my forehead, soaked my top as well. It lasted just over half an hour.


Got a compliment on my choice of nail color at the coffee pot (I figured caffeine would help the shakes, couldn't hurt :P). A nice violet variation (sorry girls, I don't know all those nuanced colors). A top coat really smoothed it out and made them shine.


nothing more to add, just sitting here dressed nice with an ugly man-face. I should look into veil styles. Solid colors with eye holes. hmm, full face ski mask? ... nah too thick, it'd be hot. I'm not Muslim either so a niqab is out. I guess I'll keep growing my bangs out and comb it straight down
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 06, 2018, 11:09:18 AM
well, someone was listening in as I thought out and typed my previous post. No sooner did I get up and go for my 'parking lot' walk then one of the other girls was walking to her car ahead of me. Boots, being what they are, gave me away and she turned to see who it was. Seeing it was me she turned completely around and walked back, complimenting me on my looks, and my life change. Not to mention, but I will, envying my hair.

It's nice to not only get an unsolicited compliment from someone but for that person to go a little out of their way to deliver it as well. Plus the fact that it's someone that I don't normally interact with.

I feel better.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on March 06, 2018, 11:30:39 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 06, 2018, 11:09:18 AM
well, someone was listening in as I thought out and typed my previous post. No sooner did I get up and go for my 'parking lot' walk then one of the other girls was walking to her car ahead of me. Boots, being what they are, gave me away and she turned to see who it was. Seeing it was me she turned completely around and walked back, complimenting me on my looks, and my life change. Not to mention, but I will, envying my hair.

It's nice to not only get an unsolicited compliment from someone but for that person to go a little out of their way to deliver it as well. Plus the fact that it's someone that I don't normally interact with.

I feel better.

You should feel better, that was really cool of her to do that!

I want to paint my nails more often (and I seriously need the practice!), but I never seem to have the time. Even when I do, I have a hard time just sitting there doing nothing while they dry.

As for the shakes & sweats, I don't know. I occasionally sweat profusely at night, but that's mostly the spiro. I get chills now and then. I can shiver uncontrollably on a cold day between a restaurant & the car, what with all that blood going to my stomach (I've been that way long before HRT).
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 06, 2018, 11:41:54 AM
snipped: 
Quote from: Sarah_P on March 06, 2018, 11:30:39 AM
I want to paint my nails more often (and I seriously need the practice!), but I never seem to have the time. Even when I do, I have a hard time just sitting there doing nothing while they dry.

@ Sarah P:  I think that most of us (and cis women included) may have a difficult time waiting for our freshly painted nails to dry.  I always seem to not wait long enough and then disaster strikes and I smear the nail polish.

My best method is to watch a movie while they are drying and being careful to not brush them against anything while they are drying.   If I am in a hurry I can use my blow dryer on low heat to speed up the drying a little but you really can't rush it too much... they need time to not only dry but also for the polish to get harder. 
Oh, the price of beauty!
Aspiringperson
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 06, 2018, 11:58:21 AM
Quote from: Sarah_P on March 06, 2018, 11:30:39 AM
You should feel better, that was really cool of her to do that!

I want to paint my nails more often (and I seriously need the practice!), but I never seem to have the time. Even when I do, I have a hard time just sitting there doing nothing while they dry.

As for the shakes & sweats, I don't know. I occasionally sweat profusely at night, but that's mostly the spiro. I get chills now and then. I can shiver uncontrollably on a cold day between a restaurant & the car, what with all that blood going to my stomach (I've been that way long before HRT).

Very cool.

I practiced with clear, or invisible, different brands, different names. One brand has clear and invisible. Really?
Anyway, practicing with a thin coat of clear not only helps you get steady at it but a thin coat dries fast. 20 mins tops (including application time) and you should be good to go. The clear hides overshoot from casual looking but you can see it well enough to practice only hitting the nails. I slobber very little on my cuticles or over. What little does is easy to clean up after it dries. I clean up with tools used for carving wax (they look like odd shaped dental picks).

BUY GOOD POLISH
polish that goes on thin requiring 3+ coats is your friend. Less slobber, cures faster. Apply one coat at a time, let it dry, do the next coat, then next, then next, until it's the color that you want. You can stop between coats if you need to go do something else. Your first nail should be dry by the time you get the 10th nail done, if not then you put it on too thick.

Nail polish 'cures' not 'dries' and from the base layer out. Don't do those tricks to 'dry' it faster (like cold water), that hardens the top and makes it take longer for the rest to cure. Makes it stay soft and too easy to ding up or mess up. Best to wait it out.


wow, I got carried away on that. Hi Sarah!! Hi Aspiringperson (Do you have a name? :P )
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on March 06, 2018, 12:33:35 PM
I always have a clear coat on, at least. I need it for strengthening, if nothing else. It's when I add color that I screw it all up. One of the problems is most of my polishes are a little thick, but I was just reading a trick about running the bottle under hot water to warm it up a bit that might help. I'll try that tonight.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 06, 2018, 12:54:47 PM
Quote from: Sarah_P on March 06, 2018, 12:33:35 PM
I always have a clear coat on, at least. I need it for strengthening, if nothing else. It's when I add color that I screw it all up. One of the problems is most of my polishes are a little thick, but I was just reading a trick about running the bottle under hot water to warm it up a bit that might help. I'll try that tonight.

roll the bottle, don't shake, to mix the color
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 06, 2018, 01:12:48 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 06, 2018, 10:14:25 AM
I just recovered from a serious bout of shakes and cold sweats. I have no idea what from. I didn't feel sick but boy was I shaky with sweat dripping off my forehead, soaked my top as well. It lasted just over half an hour.

I had two very similar episodes about a month ago, maybe a week apart. Shakes, chills, profuse sweating, nausea. Lasted about 20 minutes. Scared me to death when it happened. Never figured out a cause, and haven't had one since. I figure it must be HRT related somehow, but ??

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 06, 2018, 01:20:48 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 06, 2018, 01:12:48 PM
I had two very similar episodes about a month ago, maybe a week apart. Shakes, chills, profuse sweating, nausea. Lasted about 20 minutes. Scared me to death when it happened. Never figured out a cause, and haven't had one since. I figure it must be HRT related somehow, but ??

Stephanie

@ Stephanie:  Before I started all the doctor supervised HRT drug cocktail my doctor had me on Spiro for a short time before that and I had the same symptoms that you described... I am still on Spiro and HRT and I can still get those symptoms now.... it usually happens when I am in bed, like 2AM or 3 AM ....   seemingly if I drink lots of fluids my episodes of all of that are much lessened.   
Hey, with HRT and other drugs in our body we need to stay hydrated anyway... it helps to clean out the toxins in our blood and in our organs.... but it does make for more frequent potty visits!!!!  The price of beauty!!!
Aspiringperson
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 06, 2018, 01:23:48 PM
a week on estradiol, no spiro yet.

No nausea accompanied it. I ate a bunch of snacks and drank an extra coffee. I think I needed the snacks. Maybe I should keep an entire sugar filled snack tray at my desk, yep, that's the ticket ... more snacks :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 06, 2018, 01:29:50 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 06, 2018, 01:23:48 PM
a week on estradiol, no spiro yet.

No nausea accompanied it. I ate a bunch of snacks and drank an extra coffee. I think I needed the snacks. Maybe I should keep an entire sugar filled snack tray at my desk, yep, that's the ticket ... more snacks :D

@ Faith:  Oh yeah and empty stomach can have issues with HRT or any ingested drugs.  First, some good food, then lots of chocolate.. ;).. works for me.   Also be very certain to stay extra-hydrated, drink lots of fluids.... sure you may have to make more frequent potty stops but the fluids help keep you blood and organs flushed of toxins.
Hang in there... HRT does all kinds of things to your body...  along with the side-effects.
Aspiringperson
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 11, 2018, 08:36:18 AM
Hiya Faith,
How's it going? I've been kind of lost in my own world lately and haven't been keeping up to date.

How are you going with the HRT? Any updates on when you might get spiro?

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on March 11, 2018, 08:51:31 AM
Beware. I hear the is a Laurie at large heading towards Florida

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 14, 2018, 07:47:56 AM
Sending a PM to Jayne explaining why I've haven't been seen much made me decide to post, something, anything. I don't have much. The gist of the PM was 'nothing to contribute', that pretty much sums me up. Social gatherings, forums, any situation where there is more than a couple people .. pluck me out, nothing changes. Alone in a crowd, no matter the format. I'm the tiny shrub in the forest of redwoods. Doesn't matter, I'm used to it now.

--==<<BUT>>==--

I am looking forward to a little one-on-one conversation .. erm, two-on-one (my wife will be there, of course) .. this Friday/Saturday when a high speed red truck will come barreling around the corner, hit the brakes, and skid sideways into my front yard.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on March 14, 2018, 07:57:10 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 14, 2018, 07:47:56 AM
I am looking forward to a little one-on-one conversation .. erm, two-on-one (my wife will be there, of course) .. this Friday/Saturday when a high speed red truck will come barreling around the corner, hit the brakes, and skid sideways into my front yard.

Now I have an image of Laurie doing just that, then leaping from the truck & posing Speed Racer style.  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 14, 2018, 08:03:51 AM
Hey! I just sent you a nice long (ish) reply to that PM and then you come here and start talking yourself down. Don't make me slap you girl. I can have slaps delivered by that slap happy lorry driver. I have already asked her to give you a hug from me, it wouldn't take much for her to deliver that slap.

Have a nice time with your visitor. I hear she is a sucker for cookies and some kind of dark elixir, just in case you need to control her to your will.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on March 14, 2018, 02:17:46 PM
ummm Faith if you see a red truck doing that you might consider hiding from a crazy person. Now if it is a darl blue one then you will be accosted wit several hugs and very possible a slap or two up the side of your head as that would be me arriving. btw is the top of the fridge cleaned off just in case it's needed?

  Hugs,
    Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 14, 2018, 02:26:25 PM
Quote from: Laurie on March 14, 2018, 02:17:46 PM
ummm Faith if you see a red truck doing that you might consider hiding from a crazy person. Now if it is a darl blue one then you will be accosted wit several hugs and very possible a slap or two up the side of your head as that would be me arriving. btw is the top of the fridge cleaned off just in case it's needed?

  Hugs,
    Laurie

could have sworn you said red somewhere .. must have been some other old person that I know.  Or did you paint it to go incognito?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 14, 2018, 03:16:48 PM
To be safe - hide from all trucks!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 14, 2018, 03:17:59 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 06, 2018, 01:23:48 PM
a week on estradiol, no spiro yet.

No nausea accompanied it. I ate a bunch of snacks and drank an extra coffee. I think I needed the snacks. Maybe I should keep an entire sugar filled snack tray at my desk, yep, that's the ticket ... more snacks :D

Congrats!!!!

Where's your HRT Ticker!   Signed - The Ticker Police  :police:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 14, 2018, 08:04:45 PM
No ticker until it really start. Super low does with no T blocker. MEH, I had better response on supplements that I can't take now.




little comment from today. The friend at work (the one that first asked about my make-up and asked about most everything else by now as well) .. Well, I went into his office to chat a bit and he goes, "Hey |--xxx--|. How's it goin'? ....." Then he stopped himself and said, "I'm sorry, I just can't seem to remember to call you Faith."

errmm,, umm, didn't know what to say really. I had no expectation of anyone at work using my name yet. I just told him not to worry about it.  :-\
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 14, 2018, 08:09:14 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 14, 2018, 08:04:45 PM
No ticker until it really start. Super low does with no T blocker. MEH, I had better response on supplements that I can't take now.




little comment from today. The friend at work (the one that first asked about my make-up and asked about most everything else by now as well) .. Well, I went into his office to chat a bit and he goes, "Hey |--xxx--|. How's it goin'? ....." Then he stopped himself and said, "I'm sorry, I just can't seem to remember to call you Faith."

errmm,, umm, didn't know what to say really. I had no expectation of anyone at work using my name yet. I just told him not to worry about it.  :-\
I guess that's a good thing. It will take them time to readjust after knowing you for so long as |—xxx—|. It sounds like he is making a genuine effort. Can't fault him for that.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on March 14, 2018, 08:14:55 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 14, 2018, 02:26:25 PM
could have sworn you said red somewhere .. must have been some other old person that I know.  Or did you paint it to go incognito?

Nope it was midnight blue when I bought it in 2006.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on March 15, 2018, 06:41:45 AM
Quote from: Laurie on March 14, 2018, 08:14:55 PM
Nope it was midnight blue when I bought it in 2006.
It's called the Doppler effect.  Laurie goes so fast that all you see is a blur fading in the distance, with the blue doppler-shifted to red by the speed.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: somme_girl on March 15, 2018, 05:55:20 PM
Eeek! Congratulation, I'm happy for you.

Best of luck!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 17, 2018, 04:35:44 PM
not much going on. We managed to unload a house guest .. err .. umm .. our house-guest had to leave.
It was a nice visit. We didn't have any plans just did whatever so it ended up being lots of talking and eating, so much for that diet. Lori and I just aren't social butterflies, we do what we can.




My first wandering to my computer this morning led to a note on my computer:
QuoteFaith,
  From this day forward
You shall not walk alone.
May my heart be your shelter
And my arms be your home.

Happy Saint Patty's Day
<insert arrow-through-heart logo here>
Lori

and a page 2 that I didn't see until now:

QuoteHow cool is it that
the same God who created the Mountains
and Oceans and Galaxies looked
at you and thought the world
needed one of you too!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on March 17, 2018, 05:45:42 PM
  Those notes are sweet. From your sweet Lori to her sweet Faith. I enjoyed the eating and talking. And seeing two people the obviously love each other. It was a pleasure to visit with you both. I can tell you Faith you have one special woman in your life. She's a keeper. Lori also knows she has a special woman in her life in you also. To her you are every bit as much a keeper. I hope both of you always cherish each other as you do now.
  Thank you for letting me invade your home and get to know you two a little better.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 17, 2018, 05:46:00 PM
That is so sweet. You are one lucky person to have Lori part of your life. You take good care of her, I've got me eye on you.

I hope that other Laurie with her lorry wasn't too much trouble. It sounds like you all had a nice time together.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 17, 2018, 05:47:47 PM
Laurie, how did you get your reply in before me. I was sure I got in first. Drats, drats and double drats!

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 17, 2018, 05:47:59 PM
Oh... wow. That's so awesome. Lori is just the best...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 17, 2018, 07:23:50 PM
 I know she's a 'keeper' .. I didn't even have to cast a line, she jumped into my boat and grabbed ahold.

Either I did something really right and she's my reward
or
I'm really messed up and I was sent someone special to get me through it

I think the latter ...




Laurie, it was awesome to meet you, I wish it could have been for longer. Those 'other' people didn't really need to see you, did they? You can always turn around and come back :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on March 17, 2018, 08:54:36 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 17, 2018, 07:23:50 PM

Laurie, it was awesome to meet you, I wish it could have been for longer. Those 'other' people didn't really need to see you, did they? You can always turn around and come back :)

  Faith,

    I think a few more folk would differ with you about needing to see me. I have stayed longer at each stop this trip so far. Yes, the time did not seem enough but then it was time well spent. To me you just can't replace a face to face meeting. There is just something about being about to see, talk to, and to hug someone you got to know online that cannot be had from any other form of contact. It confirms to ones physical that that person online is real and tangible. It's special.
  Again thank you and Lori for being a part of my reality.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on March 17, 2018, 10:01:19 PM
Those notes are so sweet!!! You're both so lucky to have each other.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on March 17, 2018, 10:37:47 PM
Faith, what an awesome love note! The two of you have come so far so quickly and God seems to be setting the pace. Thank you for sharing such an intimate expression. So, other than crying, how did you respond?

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on March 18, 2018, 01:34:02 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 17, 2018, 07:23:50 PM
I know she's a 'keeper' .. I didn't even have to cast a line, she jumped into my boat and grabbed ahold.

Either I did something really right and she's my reward
or
I'm really messed up and I was sent someone special to get me through it

I think the latter ...




You did something really right...and maybe a little bit of divine intervention as well.  ;)

Nice to see you moving in the direction you need to go and having such a supportive  person in your life.

Take care

Laurie, it was awesome to meet you, I wish it could have been for longer. Those 'other' people didn't really need to see you, did they? You can always turn around and come back :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 18, 2018, 07:10:20 AM
wow, so many replies to make.

I've always known Lori was special, way before any of 'this' occurred. I've always wondered how I deserved her. I think the answer is .. I have to keep earning it. Hmm, I think my account is in arrears.

Tia Anne, I had to choke the tears. We had the house guest and my face was made up ... didn't want black runners on my face. I did head straight into the kitchen where she was slaving over breakfast and gave her a super-hug.

Sarah, There are good people everywhere, as you well know. I've been reading your thread ....

Steph and Jayne, well, you two  ... hmm ... I'll need more coffee to come up with some mind-searing attempt at humor to throw atcha. Until then, I just keep reminding myself that you're both in the wings ready to catch the pieces should I explode. "some assembly required" should be my catch phrase.
(!!Jayne, good to see your avatar again!!  Nothing wrong with that one but when do we get a new one? ... no pressure   :-* )


Laurie, nanner nanner .. you left your slaps in the truck and missed your chance :D

Liz, well, I don't now you well enough to say something stupid, which leave out almost everything that I say. I guess I did do something right, I'll try to figure out what it was and do it again.


did I miss any one? It's early.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 18, 2018, 08:06:57 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 18, 2018, 07:10:20 AM
Steph and Jayne, well, you two  ... hmm ... I'll need more coffee to come up with some mind-searing attempt at humor to throw atcha. Until then, I just keep reminding myself that you're both in the wings ready to catch the pieces should I explode. "some assembly required" should be my catch phrase.
Do you come with assembly instructions? Are they anything like ikea furniture instructions? Oh never mind... we will just wing it and make it up as we go.

Quote
(!!Jayne, good to see your avatar again!!  Nothing wrong with that one but when do we get a new one? ... no pressure   :-* )
No new avatar until I am able to take a photo as "me".

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 18, 2018, 03:34:39 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on March 18, 2018, 08:06:57 AM
Do you come with assembly instructions? Are they anything like ikea furniture instructions? Oh never mind... we will just wing it and make it up as we go.
WING IT. the instructions are missing. They were in some strange foreign language translation anyways ... with pictures.

Quote
No new avatar until I am able to take a photo as "me".

Ok fine .... done yet? ..... how about now???  no hurry .... tap tap tap tap .....  ::)




Had to do some shopping today. We hit a couple thrift stores, nothing interesting so we just did the household stuff.

Walking down an isle in Home Depot, I side-stepped behind a ladder to get a closer look at something, Lori kept walking. I hear her say, "I lost him". Some guy next to her goes,"Is that him over there" pointing at me and then goes, "That's a she, sorry'  :D

Next stop, Walmart. Lori has to go back to the car for something, I lean against the building in the shade to wait. Some old dude comes walking by and .... he does the side-glance, eyes roving up and down, perusal ...  :o
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 20, 2018, 08:01:21 AM
Another day, another bout of sniffles. Nope, not tears .. freakin' cold. Laurie, I hope you made it out without dragging it with you. I don't want to hear from your victims hosts that they all got sick when you went through. They can blame that other Lori, she gave it to me in the first place. Maybe it's just severe allergy in which case, no contagion.




I've been lurking in the background thinking to myself, not much to add, kind of stuck in one zone with no changes. I don't feel exuberant so the 'happy' threads don't suit me, I'm not miserable (except the aforementioned cold!) so the 'poor me' threads don't fit me either .. no offence to those posting them, I'm sure I'll take another turn at some point and then it will be 'poor me'.

Yesterday afternoon was another 'feeling down about things' period. No need to expound, you've all felt it. It built up through the day culminating with me crashing on the couch with my head covered for a few hours. No, this isn't a 'poor me' moment. I was hoping that by zoning out thinking about Lori coming home would clear my head ... yep, it worked. Nothing like thinking about a loved one coming home to lift you up.

Speaking of, we went for a late walk and I mentioned the mood I was in, just to get it out. I did promise full disclosure after all. It brought up the mirror I put in the bathroom. OOP, I didn't mention that yet. So, I put a larger mirror in the bathroom. Lori has made a few comments about missing the big mirror we used to have (which I had gotten rid of). Now this person glares at me in my peripheral vision and straight at me when I step out of the shower. Now I have to learn not to look. Lori said I didn't need to put it in but we do live in the same house and it's as much hers as it is mine.

Anyway, back to the walk. It led to bible translation discourse and views. Lori's views about the bible and how it's interpreted has changed so much recently. If nothing else what we are going through opened her eyes more on the disparity in it and how many people mangle it's words.

Enough of that, the point I mean to make is that I no longer feel apprehensive about Lori, her beliefs, and my changes. She's accepting, there for me, ready to tackle the future. We're a couple and staying that way. A couple of what? Well, we'll have to define that over the next months/years. Speaking of the future, the vow renewal 'wedding' is still intended.

We talked about simple things, makeup, jewelry, earrings and pierced ears, tattoos. Not about getting/not getting or using/not using, just about what we think about it now in regards to what we've thought in the past. Wearing a dress in public came up, not around the house and for walks, but 'out'. I'm not ready, not off the table either. While a dress is a right of passage and 'feels right' to some, I don't have that driving need. It doesn't define who I want to be. Again, not meaning to offend anyone, I have no desire to look like 'that guy in a dress' .. it's just how I feel. I've seen plenty of cis-woman that shouldn't wear the dresses that they do. It's more about what's suitable for a body style, I suppose. I know, I know, wear what you like and makes you feel good.




On a friends note. We haven't been going out this past little while. I just didn't feel welcome and didn't want to subject people to me when it's just as easy to stay home (or go shopping :D ). In any case, Lori has gotten messages and phone calls asking where we are, we're missed. etc. etc. Many I should make another foray into the familiar public eye .. we'll see.


I think I've regurgitated enough for one day .. back to lurking.




JAYNE !!!!!!
Thinking of you, hang in there. I need you all pulled together and fem'ed up for my vow-renewal-wedding
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on March 20, 2018, 09:33:44 AM
Hi Faith and Lori,

  Those walks and talks are good for you in many ways. Lori has a lot of good thoughts and words to share. Her and I talked of some of those same subjects while you were sawing logs. You are right, her thoughts on how she perceives the bible and religion is evolving. She is coming to terms with the way others practice it and the way she believes it should be. She has had to rethink thinks in light of new data. She decided long ago Faith that you are worth her attention and that has not changed.

  Hugs for you both,
  Laurie
   
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 20, 2018, 01:13:45 PM
Hi Faith,

Just letting you know I'm still hear keeping up to date. My phone has decided to stop giving me pop up notifications when new posts are made. I have to manually go looking for them. That's like manual labour! Can you believe that??? Anyway, I hope your feeling better from your non-exuberant, non-miserable day.

A little tip on dresses. What you wear doesn't define who you are. You don't need to wear a dress to be a woman. My wife doesn't even own a dress. I don't really have any desire to wear dresses either. It just isn't what we prefer. That doesn't make either of us any less of a woman. Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable.

At the end of your last post you addressed me specifically (or yelled at me....in all caps! [emoji846] ). I am feeling better, thank you. Seeing "JAYNE" written like that, I immediately associated that name with me. "That's me!" I thought. I am not know as Jayne anywhere other than this forum, yet it seemed so....."normal" to be called that. Interesting!

You and Lori have a really great thing going on. You at both meant to be together. It is so clear how much you both love one another.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 20, 2018, 01:29:12 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on March 20, 2018, 01:13:45 PM
Hi Faith,

Just letting you know I'm still hear keeping up to date. My phone has decided to stop giving me pop up notifications when new posts are made. I have to manually go looking for them. That's like manual labour! Can you believe that??? Anyway, I hope your feeling better from your non-exuberant, non-miserable day.

A little tip on dresses. What you wear doesn't define who you are. You don't need to wear a dress to be a woman. My wife doesn't even own a dress. I don't really have any desire to wear dresses either. It just isn't what we prefer. That doesn't make either of us any less of a woman. Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable.

At the end of your last post you addressed me specifically (or yelled at me....in all caps! [emoji846] ). I am feeling better, thank you. Seeing "JAYNE" written like that, I immediately associated that name with me. "That's me!" I thought. I am not know as Jayne anywhere other than this forum, yet it seemed so....."normal" to be called that. Interesting!

You and Lori have a really great thing going on. You at both meant to be together. It is so clear how much you both love one another.

Jayne

Of Course you're Jayne, who else would you be?   :icon_confused2:  oooo, maybe Phyllis ... go ahead, picture Phyllis Diller :D

Dress, I do have a couple that I like to wear. It's not about 'feeling girlie' or 'like a woman', they're downright comfortable. BUT, I feel the need to look the part if I wear one. At home, like wearing super-comfy slob clothes, it's just that, about comfort. I want to be at the point where if I am lazing around the house in a dress, find out we need something at the store, that I can just hop in the car and go get it without changing first. you know? Whether it happens isn't the point, being comfortable enough to do it is the point.

Lori and I, yeah, I picked well. Too bad she can't say the same  :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 20, 2018, 01:38:00 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 20, 2018, 01:29:12 PM
Lori and I, yeah, I picked well. Too bad she can't say the same  :P
She picked well too. Don't sell yourself short. Lori knows how lucky she is to have you. Don't forget she picked you too, unless you kidnaped her, in which case we would need to have a serious discussion.

Phyllis
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 20, 2018, 01:47:23 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on March 20, 2018, 01:38:00 PM... Don't sell yourself short.
I think you confused me with someone else, a fridge top gnome perhaps :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 20, 2018, 02:01:04 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 20, 2018, 01:47:23 PM
I think you confused me with someone else, a fridge top gnome perhaps :D
Oh i did think of someone else when I wrote that, but chose not to bring the fridge into it.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 21, 2018, 01:30:01 PM
comfortable day, nothing special going on, I just feel like me. Twiddling my thumbs waiting for happy changes to occur that will override ugly ... hopefully

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 01:57:13 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 21, 2018, 01:30:01 PM
comfortable day, nothing special going on, I just feel like me. Twiddling my thumbs waiting for happy changes to occur that will override ugly ... hopefully

Okay Girlfriend!!!!!  Fess up, where did you get the Patience Pills??????????????????????////
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 21, 2018, 01:57:20 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 21, 2018, 01:30:01 PM
comfortable day, nothing special going on, I just feel like me. Twiddling my thumbs waiting for happy changes to occur that will override ugly ... hopefully
Now listen here young lady..... stop using that word "ugly". Ain't nobody by that description anywhere around here. Got it!!!!

Don't make me send that lorry driver back there and sit you up on the fridge.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 01:58:33 PM
Okay Jayne,

UGLY - Unusually Good Looking Youngster!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 21, 2018, 02:54:48 PM
ugly, oogly, ughly ... one is as one feels and I have too many mirrors to tell me otherwise.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 02:59:49 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 21, 2018, 02:54:48 PM
ugly, oogly, ughly ... one is as one feels and I have too many mirrors to tell me otherwise.

Stop it or we'll have Laurie and Michelle come over, slap you, and place you on the frig!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 21, 2018, 03:00:24 PM
<<<SLAP!!!>>>

You were asking for that one!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 03:01:55 PM
And that was just Jayne!

Wait until Laurie and Michelle get ya!  You'll have the rosiest cheeks in the universe girl!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 21, 2018, 03:03:52 PM
Quote from: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 03:01:55 PM
And that was just Jayne!

Wait until Laurie and Michelle get ya!  You'll have the rosiest cheeks in the universe girl!
What do you mean "just Jayne". My slaps sting. You looking for one too?

Just Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 03:10:48 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on March 21, 2018, 03:03:52 PM
What do you mean "just Jayne". My slaps sting. You looking for one too?

Just Jayne

LAG - Laughing and Giggling!

It was like meant to be, Jayne's just the first to slap you, not, oh, Jayne slapped you, duh - in my best valley girl accent :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 03:12:11 PM
But...................................

Since you mentioned it, we could, in honor of you being Just and Fair, call you Just(ice) Jayne and not (ice) like in cold :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 21, 2018, 03:24:19 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on March 21, 2018, 03:00:24 PM
<<<SLAP!!!>>>

You were asking for that one!

didn't ask for anything, just being pragmatic. saying something doesn't make it so, neither does not saying something, or saying ... umm ... what was I saying? ...

other peoples opinions are their's, I have to live with mine. truth only hurts if you let it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 03:26:36 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 21, 2018, 03:24:19 PM
didn't ask for anything, just being pragmatic. saying something doesn't make it so, neither does not saying something, or saying ... umm ... what was I saying? ...

other peoples opinions are their's, I have to live with mine. truth only hurts if you let it.

Stop it Faith!!!!  You're beginning to make sense to all the voices in my head :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 21, 2018, 03:30:28 PM
Quote from: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 03:26:36 PM
Stop it Faith!!!!  You're beginning to make sense to all the voices in my head :)

I had voices in my head once, I threw my hearing-aid away.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 03:49:47 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 21, 2018, 03:30:28 PM
I had voices in my head once, I threw my hearing-aid away.

I tried that, they just yelled louder!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 03:50:40 PM
And now they just gang up on me :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 21, 2018, 06:04:17 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on March 20, 2018, 02:01:04 PM
Oh i did think of someone else when I wrote that, but chose not to bring the fridge into it.

Jayne

Uhhh... I can hear you from up here...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 22, 2018, 11:54:44 AM
another mediocre day. Not mood related but is mood affecting. I'm over-tired.
I'll detail a bit for those in the IT know.

Our Primary Storage SAN. Presents 3xfiber direct connects to Apple workstations for editing, presents 1 to a windows server for network shares to Windows workstations. 6x drive presentations all properly raided with spares spread across 5 enclosures. Sure, data will stay intact if the controllers fail .. BUT YOU CAN'T GET TO IT!!

over 10years old, server 2003 head.


I could stop there for the IT crowd, they know where I'm headed.


5 years ago I started telling them it was old and needed replaced. yeah, right. gobs of quotes, decline, more quotes, decline. why do we need it, we don't care about lost data, can we get something smaller, why does it need redundancy, who needs backups, can we put it in the cloud.. EOL,EOS,OOS .. you guessed it, starting to fail .. SOL. I've had to come in 4 times now to power-cycle the whole thing (with fingers crossed) to bring it back up. OOoooOOO .. more quotes. Wow, good price ... can you get more quotes. SERIOUSLY!!??!! The thing is DYING, replace it already.

This thing holds the companies world. backup location? .. yeah, right. You read what I go through just for one. apple .. basket .. not just full, it has a hole!!

Primary accounting server/database. High Availability Hyper-V .. woohoo .. NOT!! Half the mirror for the HA is on the SAN .. guess where the other half of the mirror is .. NO WHERE. You think I could get approval for redundancy, jic .. HAH!

So now I am tediously migrating the HA VM's to local storage on the HyperV cluster (3x servers .. nice setup really .. IF I HAD REDUNDANT STORAGE!) .. It's taking forever.

Now it's like, is there a faster way to get the VM servers back up .. umm, no. They have to be offline to go to a completely separate machine. I've waited for years, you can wait a few days.


I think I've spewed enough. Anything left out, you IT peeps can fill in yourselves. For the non-IT folk, more detail wouldn't help you .. I probably already confused you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 27, 2018, 02:31:20 PM
Hi Faith!

Just letting you know I'm still here. [emoji846]

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on March 27, 2018, 02:39:18 PM
Wow Faith it sounfs likeoarf of fun##! Not. When the pain of not changinh exceeds the cost of change, change will happen. Make it hurt. Lesson time.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 30, 2018, 06:55:27 AM
I told Jayne I'd go ahead and post an update. Jayne, it'll be a lot of copy/paste of our emails ... with edits.


pasted from over the past few days:


From Jayne:
QuoteHi Faith,
Haven't heard from you in a while, and I see your profile pic is gone. How are you? I hope you are well.

Have you made any more progress with getting a prescription for spiro? It seems like Laurie's visit went well. There were lots of smiling faces all round in the photos you posted. Let me know how you are.

Jayne




I suppose I should reply .. I'm not dead. I would go to Susan's and my ugly mug stared at me in every scroll, I removed the offending image.

I would scroll around reading things, seeing all the banter .. nope, not me. I don't fit. Making comments is like whispering in a crowd, I was talking to myself. I started by hiding my 'online' status. Not good enough since you can still see it on my profile, so I don't log in now.

I lurk in secret sometimes to catch up a little. Same thing, All kinds of interactions, but none for me. I'm on the outside looking in with the doors and windows locked.

People with attitude posting and they get responses, sorry, got attitude and you've lost me .. not interested. 
People posting their progress .. 'oo, look at me' .. happy responses ... nothing for me.
People posting their problems .. 'oo, look at me' .. consolatory responses ... nothing for me.
I either feel bad because they feel so good or I feel bad because they feel bad and I can relate but nothing to add .. so, nothing for me.

I don't belong there.

Taking my daily estradiol with nothing to stop the testosterone ... it's like a drop pink dye in a  bucket of water. Oo, look .. pink .. then it's gone.
Wheels are spinning and I'm going nowhere.

home life, on the other hand, is well. Lori and I are solidifying more and more. We avoid the negative people in our lives, they aren't worth the time. We get comments from other acquaintances/friends that we're missed. Meh, not worth the negatives mixed in the crowd.

Work is very good as far as experience goes. Those that may disapprove don't show it or can't (due to work policies). Those that are accepting are very nice and helpful. I get comments and complements and hello's from people that wouldn't give me time of day before. 100% fem at work, no dress yet. Someday maybe but my job isn't quite suitable for wearing a dress. If my body shape ever fills out, look out .. although I'll need to find a face mask.

so, overall, my life is ... work .. home .. sleep .. repeat.




**skip Jayne's reply, not for me to paste in**




I still can't tolerate mirrors for longer than it takes to do what needs done. A profile picture is like having a surprise mirror pop up as I scroll around and at the top of every page. I left it up until it became totally unbearable. I think that in itself led me away from the site for a bit. I am thinking of actually logging back in, I don't know. Maybe I have another PM sitting in there. I won't know without actually checking.

I know the E progression. I'm really not that impatient for results from it, I just want RESULTS :) If patience is a virtue, I am currently virtue-less.  Not really. Most of what I feel is not about E/Spiro and/or results thereof .. it's dysphoric. I still feel like a guy parading around pretending. That's in spite of feeling so much better being able to. It makes no sense at all .. except the hair .. ARRGGH .. I hate hair.

The best and worst thing lumped together is our wives willing to work through things with us. On one hand is staying with the one that you love and having that support, the other hand is treading oh-so-carefully to not overwhelm them with our inner beast.

>>snip not forum worthy comments<<

Speaking of work ..
   Yesterday I was walking down the hallway and coming the other way was a woman anchor that's been there 25+ years, very pleasant person, anyways .. always polite when our paths crossed. Smile and hi, that was the limit though. yesterday as she came up next to me, me ready with the smile and hi ... she reached out and grabbed my shoulder to stop me and said, "I've been meaning to tell you. I just loved that pink top with the grommets on the shoulders that you wore." WOOT .. big grin, yep, one of my favorite tops :)
And then today. I got up, picked out the top I wanted to wear and put it on. OOP, the jeans I wear with them is in the wash .. hmm, grab the slacks on the dresser ... hiphuggers. Away I go. I was at work before I realized that the top is a short-torso top .. over hiphuggers. I was showing midriff all day. Not exactly work appropriate and definitely out of my comfort zone.
**insert note: I did get one comment of "I'm jealous of your flat tummy" ... umm, OK?? :P**

I can't fault anything at work for allowing me to be .. me.




**skip Jayne's reply, not for me to paste in**




"The lady in the mirror" (should be a book or movie title) ... I've seen her. That side glance, peripheral vision, etc. Makes it all the harder when you look and see she's not there. Emotion Explosion. My single biggest dysphoria is my looks. I can handle 'male' attributes (physical) to a point (hide them), I don't have any problem with 'male' traits. To me what you like and like to do is not male or female except in how you perceive yourself. "I am a man who likes to ... " "I am a woman who likes to ...)

HAIR. I'm lucky in that regard. My hair is thick, straight (slightly wavy) and holds shape. If I comb it a certain way when wet, leave it alone to dry, it's set for the day that way. Slightly thinning center-front. Hopefully E will slow or stop that. I don't think I'd like unmanageable curly hair. I'm lazy and that sounds like too much work :)

Lori is still struggling with 'her man' disappearing. I try to ease it by removing all makeup as soon as I get home. I also dress more androgynously ... although, for some reason, clothes don't bother her. Dresses do, but not at home. She likes me in the dresses that I wear around the house, out to public ... nope. I think that's due to perception. In public it would mean two women together and not a man & a woman. Maybe in time and since I'm not comfortable in public that's an easy compromise.
**Laurie, I'm leaving this comment in for you. I almost edited it out**
I wore a dress 2nd day that Laurie was visiting, she made no comment at all. I wish she had said something .. anything ... good or bad just for a peer review. I didn't wear it to make a point, I just felt like wearing it.

If I was simply a cross-dresser there wouldn't be any marital stress at all.





That sums up most of it. and I'm tempted to erase it all. I hope I edited out what needed to be and left nothing offending in there. I'm sure some Laurie person will moderate it for me ... since she's stuck reading the whole thing ... :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 30, 2018, 07:15:23 AM
My friend Faith,

Thank you for posting that. You don't want to believe it, but your friends really do care and want to know how you're doing.

Beyond that, your thoughts echo many that I've been having lately, and it's so helpful to be reminded that I'm not alone in how I feel. Especially the problem with the mirror...

I'm moving past those bad feelings now (I have a lot of catching up to do here), and you will, too. Having such positive feedback at work is a wonderful thing. As you know, my situation limits such interactions, and I'm a little envious.

I don't really have any words of wisdom that you'd want to hear right now, other than I'm out here, I'm your friend, and I'm listening.

Hopefully you'll find "something for you" in what I wrote.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 30, 2018, 08:26:51 AM
Faith, I'm glad you have chosen to come back online. I am always happy to chat with you in private as we have been, but I think there is benefit in hearing from other people too. We each have a different way of looking at things and it is very likely someone else can offer something that I cannot to help you. We are all here to help each other.

Laurie, when you read this, please refrain from pulling your slap trigger. Slaps don't always help. I think Faith needs some hugs right now.

(((((HUG)))))

Take care Faith. We are here for you.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 30, 2018, 01:11:47 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 30, 2018, 07:15:23 AM
My friend Faith,

Thank you for posting that. You don't want to believe it, but your friends really do care and want to know how you're doing.

Beyond that, your thoughts echo many that I've been having lately, and it's so helpful to be reminded that I'm not alone in how I feel. Especially the problem with the mirror...

I'm moving past those bad feelings now (I have a lot of catching up to do here), and you will, too. Having such positive feedback at work is a wonderful thing. As you know, my situation limits such interactions, and I'm a little envious.

I don't really have any words of wisdom that you'd want to hear right now, other than I'm out here, I'm your friend, and I'm listening.

Hopefully you'll find "something for you" in what I wrote.

Stephanie

I've kept up with your posted trials .. NYC, they can keep it. But I wish you ease and health on a -->to be determined<-- snipping.

I hate posting things that 'everyone is going through' as it relates to me. I am not a open sharing person ... although, I have shared more here than anywhere else ... ever. It's much better for me to have my wife at my side, express my feeling (verbally or not), get a supported comment or look, snuggle closer and let it work itself out. Then there's the days of 'going through something' that I've posted about before. It gets old, to me, to post the same thing over and over. UP, DOWN, UP UP, DOWN DOWN DOWN .. UP again. Did I repeat myself?




Quote from: Jayne01 on March 30, 2018, 08:26:51 AM
Faith, I'm glad you have chosen to come back online. I am always happy to chat with you in private as we have been, but I think there is benefit in hearing from other people too. We each have a different way of looking at things and it is very likely someone else can offer something that I cannot to help you. We are all here to help each other.

Laurie, when you read this, please refrain from pulling your slap trigger. Slaps don't always help. I think Faith needs some hugs right now.

(((((HUG)))))

Take care Faith. We are here for you.

Jayne

physical hug please, hop a boat or get that Steph person to commandeer a seaplane.




As an addendum to my 'midriff' exposure. As I recounted the story to my eldest daughter my wife goes, "And what would your Dad have told you if you had tried to go to school like that?" My daughters response?, "If I can't dress like that, you can't either" ... umm, yeah. I don't think she has any qualms about my 'issues'.




Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on March 30, 2018, 02:34:44 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 30, 2018, 06:55:27 AM

**Laurie, I'm leaving this comment in for you. I almost edited it out**
I wore a dress 2nd day that Laurie was visiting, she made no comment at all. I wish she had said something .. anything ... good or bad just for a peer review. I didn't wear it to make a point, I just felt like wearing it.

If I was simply a cross-dresser there wouldn't be any marital stress at all.





That sums up most of it. and I'm tempted to erase it all. I hope I edited out what needed to be and left nothing offending in there. I'm sure some Laurie person will moderate it for me ... since she's stuck reading the whole thing ... :D

   Faith,

      That Laurie person didn't find anything that needed moderating from a moderator's viewpoint. However, Young Lady, There are a few things in there that as a friend I didn't care for. Go climb up on that refrigerator. First off is this retreating from our community and deciding just because some posts have "Nothing for me!" is not a reason to go hide in a corner. There are still a lot of us that want to know these issues and thoughts you have going around in your head. People care about you and Lori and want to know what is going on so we can at least commiserate with you. You are not the only one out there that feels the way you do and if we know how you feel we can show you that you do not need to suffer alone. It is called support. It is what this site is here for.  Okay take down the avatar if it helps. cover the mirrors.
   You are a quiet person almost to the point of being an introvert. Lori is your rock and security blanket. That was very much apparent while I was there. But you are also her rock. Yes, she is having to adapt to Faith, she will be there for you just as you need to be there for her. She isn't going anywhere. She (and you) will work this out. Of that I have no doubt. It will take some more time and a bit of work but it will be okay.
   I am sorry I did not comment on you wearing the dress. I did not see it as anything special to you as you mentioned you like to wear one around home. You certainly look comfortable wearing it. In the house or out it, appeared to be normal for you. At home, it is what makes you feel comfortable that matters, not what I think. I thought it was good you could feel comfortable doing so.  And I am sorry I am not good on social graces. I am still the clueless lout I have always been. Hit me with a big stick or shock me by some unexpected brazen action (like Michelle did) and I might get the idea.
  So Faith, what I came away with is that you are a very quiet, personal, individual. You are caring and thoughtful, especially when it comes to Lori. And you are comfortable in your own environment and with what you do and what you wear. You obviously have some dysphoria over your appearance but also in how this is affecting Lori. But as I said, she and you will figure it out.
   The bigger surprise for me was finding out both of you are into playing different instruments. It just never crossed my mind.  One of the things I am discovering is that we as a community, are very creative in a lot of different ways. Talents and interests run the gamut. If it isn't talent in the arts of some sort, it is intellectual talents. I personally feel like a plain Jane compared to all the talents of those that I have met. I have no special talent. Even in the one thing I was good at I wasn't creative or special, I left those for the smart and talented folk. I was just a repairman. I fixed things that broke.

   Now you are lucky, I am not there or I'd likely give you a couple slaps up the side of your head and then a couple hugs.
You are okay, Faith, and you have friends and support. The greatest one for you is Lori. But we are here for you too.

Hugs,
    Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 30, 2018, 03:32:48 PM
wow, Laurie, a huge rant and I only spotted a couple typo's .. good job!!

I'd give you a thumbs up but I can't find it. Excuse me while I go look for it ....   :icon_walk: :eusa_whistle:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 30, 2018, 06:11:18 PM
Quote from: Laurie on March 30, 2018, 02:34:44 PM
I personally feel like a plain Jane compared to all the talents of those that I have met.
Hey! What is this comparison to a plain Jane? Firstly, you spelt my name wrong, obviously one of the typos Faith was referring to. Secondly, and most importantly, I'm not plain! I am very complex, just ask my wife! [emoji846]

Complex Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: bobbisue on March 30, 2018, 07:04:47 PM
     Faith I am sorry you have been feeling bad lately I don't post a lot as I also often feel my experiences are inconsequential I have been following your thread for quite a while and found so much of it both helpful and often entertaining though I don't say much I have enjoyed reading about your ups and downs  take care of yourself and your wonderful wife Lori while I do hope to hear more from you as you continue this adventure of transition always do what is best for you and yours

     bobbisue :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 31, 2018, 02:06:30 PM
I didn't do a proper reply to Laurie because, she's not far off .. well .. she's far off but not the comments.

I do the 'don't care what people think' but always watching and listening for any to come. I know I am insecure in affirmation of self despite looking confident on the outside. My brain holds entire conversations ... they don't come out my mouth or my fingers to keyboard, as the case may be. My feeling get hurt rather easily so I bury them to the point that I've buried almost every outward expression, happy, sad, anything in between.

Enough of that, That's not what I came in here to type.






I was going to wait a little longer, but ...

I was primping in the bathroom, removing my face, and my upper arm kept rubbing on something, it was rather annoying. As it registered I realized not only was my arm rubbing something but the real annoying thing was the sensation .. I looked down and ....

-=BOOBS=-
or
-=MOOBS=-

call them what you will but there they were. An itchy, not quite burning, goose-bumpy sensation bothering the heck out of me. Time to brave the mirror, yep, side view has a definite shape. Looking down, no question, that is not muscle shape. No buds, more like gynecomastia ... I'll take it.

Mixed emotions.
On one hand, excitement .. progress, woo hoo ..
On the other, trepidation. Lori still prefers the 'her man' look.

how do I show my elation when Lori may take my escalated happiness in the other direction.

Keeping myself grounded, as I have for years, I went about my evening. Last night before going to sleep (it was after 1 am and waaay after bedtime) I quietly mentioned it. Non event, she'd already noticed and taking it in stride. It's OK to be happy .. WOOT ..

another small step.
.
.
.
.
... Now if only my face would fall off and grow a different one ....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on March 31, 2018, 03:04:36 PM
Welcome to the new boobs club, Faith! BOOBS or MOOBS, you know what they are. It is a special feeling to finally have something appearing that should have been there many years ago.

Lori may prefer her "man look", but beyond that she prefers you, in whatever packaging you may come. Congratulations on your progress.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 01, 2018, 09:31:31 PM
and another day goes by

Lori helped out with a wedding yesterday (and the days and days before), I stayed home. she kind of wanted me to go but I'm not much for weddings. Instead I stayed home to clean the kitchen and livingroom in preparation for guests today.

So, I had it all very cleaned up, lots of bar and counter space, Lori gets home  and ... has all the leftover food and containers .. ACK!. So much for my clean spaces. We managed to get it all parceled out into the refrigerator.

House full today, son went to work by the two daughters came with their brood. Then Lori's Mom, aunt, sister (and her husband), niece, 2nd great-niece & nephew? (not sure how the math works on those two). I'm sitting there in my painted nails, short-shorts and pink blouse. Nothing overt said the biggest question seemed to be about how much weight I've lost. no negative comments, the aunt did say she was shocked about my nails, no positive or negative connotation to it. The niece stated that she was jealous, I had better nails than she does.

Anyway, bedtime
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on April 01, 2018, 09:35:24 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 01, 2018, 09:31:31 PM
and another day goes by

Lori helped out with a wedding yesterday (and the days and days before), I stayed home. she kind of wanted me to go but I'm not much for weddings. Instead I stayed home to clean the kitchen and livingroom in preparation for guests today.

So, I had it all very cleaned up, lots of bar and counter space, Lori gets home  and ... has all the leftover food and containers .. ACK!. So much for my clean spaces. We managed to get it all parceled out into the refrigerator.

House full today, son went to work by the two daughters came with their brood. Then Lori's Mom, aunt, sister (and her husband), niece, 2nd great-niece & nephew? (not sure how the math works on those two). I'm sitting there in my painted nails, short-shorts and pink blouse. Nothing overt said the biggest question seemed to be about how much weight I've lost. no negative comments, the aunt did say she was shocked about my nails, no positive or negative connotation to it. The niece stated that she was jealous, I had better nails than she does.

Anyway, bedtime
Hi Faith,

  It sounds like you did alright with the crowd. Heck you survived! Call it good.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on April 05, 2018, 10:05:05 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 31, 2018, 02:06:30 PM
I do the 'don't care what people think' but always watching and listening for any to come. I know I am insecure in affirmation of self despite looking confident on the outside. My brain holds entire conversations ... they don't come out my mouth or my fingers to keyboard, as the case may be. My feeling get hurt rather easily so I bury them to the point that I've buried almost every outward expression, happy, sad, anything in between.

Enough of that, That's not what I came in here to type.






I was going to wait a little longer, but ...

I was primping in the bathroom, removing my face, and my upper arm kept rubbing on something, it was rather annoying. As it registered I realized not only was my arm rubbing something but the real annoying thing was the sensation .. I looked down and ....

-=BOOBS=-
or
-=MOOBS=-

call them what you will but there they were. An itchy, not quite burning, goose-bumpy sensation bothering the heck out of me. Time to brave the mirror, yep, side view has a definite shape. Looking down, no question, that is not muscle shape. No buds, more like gynecomastia ... I'll take it.

Mixed emotions.
On one hand, excitement .. progress, woo hoo ..
On the other, trepidation. Lori still prefers the 'her man' look.

Hugs, Faith,
Oh, how your post resonates with me. With as much water that has passed beneath my bridge, my friends tell me I should be past my insecurities by now but I am not. I still shy away from cameras and wish I could do my face without a mirror - I still see too many parts of "him" looking back, especially the eyes. Mental conversations? I tend to have full blown arguments! Even now, I am debating whether or not to post this reply...

Congratulations on your "development." As much as I wanted boobs, the first time I realized they were really growing was, as you said, exciting and disconcerting at the same time. Was I really sure about this? My wife, who helped encourage me to transition, noticed and commented just about the time I first aware of any growth sensation and she was elated. At the time, my work life was spent in male drag and I feared what my colleagues would say; 20 plus years ago scores of folks were nowhere close to being as accepting or open-minded as they are today...

As corny as it sounds, keep the faith, Faith. Be true to yourself and the rest will fall into place, I promise.

Susan
PS The bare midriff comment had me laughing out loud and your niece's jealousy shows just how far you've come.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 05, 2018, 02:23:21 PM
Quote from: Susan Baum on April 05, 2018, 10:05:05 AM
Hugs, Faith,
Oh, how your post resonates with me. With as much water that has passed beneath my bridge, my friends tell me I should be past my insecurities by now but I am not. I still shy away from cameras and wish I could do my face without a mirror - I still see too many parts of "him" looking back, especially the eyes. Mental conversations? I tend to have full blown arguments! Even now, I am debating whether or not to post this reply...

Congratulations on your "development." As much as I wanted boobs, the first time I realized they were really growing was, as you said, exciting and disconcerting at the same time. Was I really sure about this? My wife, who helped encourage me to transition, noticed and commented just about the time I first aware of any growth sensation and she was elated. At the time, my work life was spent in male drag and I feared what my colleagues would say; 20 plus years ago scores of folks were nowhere close to being as accepting or open-minded as they are today...

As corny as it sounds, keep the faith, Faith. Be true to yourself and the rest will fall into place, I promise.

Susan
PS The bare midriff comment had me laughing out loud and your niece's jealousy shows just how far you've come.

Welcome Susan, I think, have you been in here before? I lose track ... doesn't matter, welcome any way.

'HIM' ick, been hiding from 'him' for years without knowing it. The why has been a recent realization.
BOOBS, definitely boobs. firm nipples, small hard and slightly sore lump behind them. Oh yah, boobs-a-commin' in .. errm .. out.

Several things to get out of the way ... I was off in my own world ignoring the forum again. WAY too much to catch up on, however, .....

STEPH, I caught up on your thread.  Happy, Sad, Happy, Dismayed, Relieved. I think I have them in the right order. Hang in there. (ps. you pull off a dress and skirt better than I ever will)

JAYNE!! Seriously, you coax me back in here and what, you disappear on me. There should be 3 posts from you to my 1. Oh, wait, this is my thread ... nevermind.

Sarah .. a GF .. WOOT

I left all kinds of people out, sorry, I've read most of them but remembering them to reply to, HAH! I'm too old to remember what I just typed without scrolling back.

Back to my boobs (priorities). No wife problems that I can tell. All good on both fronts ;D

Dr visit today, I'm cleared for Spiro. Now I just need to get Planned Parenthood to get me a prescription. Downside. Gluten Intolerance. Even the small amounts I've been eating are messing things up. Now I have to revise my diet .. again.

FUNNY MOMENT ..

At the window to set my next appointment and pay for this one, The lady asked for the Dr card that had the requested follow-up time period (weird, I know. They write on a card how many months just for me to hand it back to them). I hand her the card that has my first name only on it (birth name). She looks at it, looks up at me, looks down, mumbles my <name>, looks at me again. I had to actually tell her it was me  :P

I'm leaving something out in replies and things that have happened. age makes you forget things, Heck, I have to scroll back just to .. crap .. I typed that already.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica_Rose on April 05, 2018, 02:50:20 PM
Spiro will definitely speed things up. I started on estradiol only for four months, my nipples got puffy but that was about it. Once spiro came into play and my dosage was bumped up to an appropriate level my breast growth really increased. Good times are coming soon, enjoy the journey!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on April 05, 2018, 04:04:22 PM
Hi Faith,

I'm still here reading everything, just not in a very "posting" mood. Congrats on being cleared for Spiro.

Hi Faith,

I'm still here reading everything, just not in a very "posting" mood. Congrats on being cleared for Spiro.

Hi Faith,

I'm still here reading everything, just not in a very "posting" mood. Congrats on being cleared for Spiro.


(You said you need to keep scrolling back to remember what you just forgot.......or something like that, I forget now. [emoji846])

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on April 05, 2018, 04:17:27 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 05, 2018, 02:23:21 PM(ps. you pull off a dress and skirt better than I ever will)
I'm gonna remind myself that you probably didnt mean that literally!   >:-)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 05, 2018, 04:38:56 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on April 05, 2018, 04:17:27 PM
I'm gonna remind myself that you probably didnt mean that literally!   >:-)

Depends on who's asking.

Stephanie

PS: Thanks Faith, I appreciate the compliment more than you know. And you'll get there, too.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 05, 2018, 04:56:06 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on April 05, 2018, 04:17:27 PM
Quote(ps. you pull off a dress and skirt better than I ever will)
I'm gonna remind myself that you probably didnt mean that literally!   >:-)

I see what you did there ... now I have to unsee it  :icon_weirdface:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 05, 2018, 06:56:51 PM
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on April 05, 2018, 02:50:20 PM
Spiro will definitely speed things up. I started on estradiol only for four months, my nipples got puffy but that was about it. Once spiro came into play and my dosage was bumped up to an appropriate level my breast growth really increased. Good times are coming soon, enjoy the journey!

Jessica!! You're one of the people I read and don't reply to. Here I get all worked up with my thread goes dead but I don't contribute. I guess I'm just a crappy personality.

'grats on the face burn, I think, I haven't started mine yet but it is planned. Great picture in there too of that Laurie-person's visit (she needs to learn to spell her name, it only has 4 letters)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Dena on April 05, 2018, 09:13:14 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 05, 2018, 02:23:21 PM
Dr visit today, I'm cleared for Spiro. Now I just need to get Planned Parenthood to get me a prescription. Downside. Gluten Intolerance. Even the small amounts I've been eating are messing things up. Now I have to revise my diet .. again.
While I can eat pretty much anything, You might find Bob's Red Mill (http://www.bobsredmill.com) a useful resource for Gluten free products and recipes. They have an on site lab just to ensure their products are as they advertise.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on April 05, 2018, 10:08:36 PM
Hi Faith!! Always good to hear what you're up to, even if I don't always post here myself. I've been a little busy lately.  :D

Oh, and thank you!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on April 06, 2018, 12:43:24 AM
Hi Faith and you too Lori,

  Getting closer to the west coast to see my girlfriend again. I could have told you Lori would be okay about your recent development. That woman loves you, Faith. The you inside. What the outside looks like doesn't matter, Hun. Stop worrying about it and just love her back as much as she loves you. So enjoy the boobs. They are wonderful things. The wonderment of them hasn't gone away for me at all. Every time I see them I cannot help but be happy that mine are there. They are real and they are mine. I hope you can feel the joy of them as I have.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 06, 2018, 05:53:13 PM
This happened the other night, I forgot about it and just remembered ... a dream ... glossing over the particulars, since I only have vague foggy recollections, the gist of it is:

I'm knelt down doing something, I don't know what, and two women walk up and stand beside me. One of them says, "Why do the men have you doing that, don't they know you're not a real woman?"

double-edged dream ... On one side, my first dream presenting. On the other side, total failure. Even in a dream I don't make it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 10, 2018, 07:50:01 AM
Time for another update. I'm not sure what to add, just minor wait and see things.
bullet points:

- HRT is slow going, no spiro yet and not likely for another 1 1/2 months at least. That limits changes since T is still in control of a lot.
- Body hair, due to above, not changed .. ARRGGHH .. I hate body hair more than having to shave my face. I'm a bit OCD about plucking (wife noticed :P )
- Libido is low, cuddle and make-out and hugs and emotional things is high.
- Spontaneous, umm, 'man stuff' ... gone, nothing, nada, I don't miss it. Shrinkage, too soon, needs more time.
- Weight, holding around 165-169. I did weigh in at 160 this morning, first time that low in a while. It should bounce back up by tonight.
- It may be wishful thinking but I do think my forearms are finally slimming out. I've had Popeye arms for years due to a construction job I held for about 15 years. Less muscle definition and the skin looks smoother.
- Nails, no weakening yet. I'm sure it will but I hope not.
- Head Hair, yep, got it. Never had issues growing that out. It's about as long now as I've ever had it. (I tended to let my hair grow a lot between cuts so friends and family are used to that in any case)

**BOOBS**, in case anyone missed it, are happening. After a shower last night, sitting on the edge of the bed, wife and I were discussing bellies. She pointed out my boobs. I tensed up and poked them .. NOPE, muscle. She goes, NOPE, you have boobs. :D Along the same note, they are like a sore thumb already. I think Lori has accidentally poked them several times already. How do you gesture with your hand and have your thumb land directly on a sore nipple? Well, she did it .. oww ..... happy pain.

Off on a nightly (mostly) walk & talk we talked over some stuff we'd already talked over. Got to keep the air clear in case anything changes in the ol' thought processes. We are still on the same page so that's good. I did get her to admit she still has a fear pop up now and again that I'll leave her. Not for another woman, for a GUY. Um, nope, No offense to you gals that are into guys, that's not me. I am firmly into the 'I like girls/women' camp. She has no fear that I'll run off with another woman. Well, that's good because there's no chance of that either.

She expressed that she's beginning to get excited waiting to see what the next change is ... WOOT ... Shared excitement over my progress, doesn't get much better than that. She still misses 'her man' that she's had for all these years but now looking forward to the 'better person' I am becoming. If by better person it's a woman, so be it. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever be 100% transitioned to a woman (who knows what may happen years from now). I tend to think I'll be a mash-up of male/female characteristics leaning towards feminine. I'm ok with that.

Family and Friends. For the most part are all supporting or accepting at the least. They may not understand but they aren't antagonistic or hateful. The two close friends are relegated to acquaintances since their religious beliefs prevent them from accepting. You cannot be friends with someone if you cannot accept who they are. Lori's family was the surprise. We haven't visited with them all yet but the ones we did are fine with it.

Well, I think that's enough for now. I suppose I should update more often to keep the posts shorter and, not to mention, not forgetting things.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on April 10, 2018, 12:37:02 PM
Hi Faith,

It is so good to hear a happy post about how life is going on, changes happening, chosen spousal unit happy......thank you for making my day!

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on April 10, 2018, 08:02:04 PM
Hi Faith,
Happy to see things are going well for you.
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on April 10, 2018, 09:36:44 PM
Wow great progress faith and boobage as well YAY!!

Nice to see the shared excitement over the changes that are happening for you and I agree "it doesn't get mcuh better than that"

The family and friends stuff seem to be one of the things that just keeps evolving as you do, it all sounds very positive

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 11, 2018, 11:15:18 AM
Hey Y'all

yes, overall things are going well. I don't recount the 'normal' body image/mirror/other things that bother me. You can only say them so many times. Best to concentrate on the pluses. My mood has been high so that's been easy. I'm sure a down day will come again, it does tend to catch me off-guard at times.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sarah_P on April 11, 2018, 09:00:25 PM
Just focus on the positive. Dwelling on the negative never helps. Note it, find ways to deal with it, but don't let it keep you down.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: natalie.ashlyne on April 11, 2018, 09:37:07 PM
I am happy for you Faith, you are doing good. Yes boobs are fun until you hit them than they hurt alot. Just dont walk in to any door frames.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 12, 2018, 08:37:11 AM
sore boobs, yep definitely there but so far not as bad as I expected. Right now it's more surprise sore rather than actual pain when bumped. Time will tell how bad it'll get. I did notice that my left areola is now noticeably larger than the right one ... progress :). Odd that with slight gynecomastia that my right was bigger but it's the left one that's taking off more with the estradiol.

I tell my wife, I hope I get 'real' boob shape. I don't want old man saggy boobs, I'd rather have none then that. No chance of BA for me, too costly to get done for simply cosmetic reasons. My nose, well, that may get done just because I have severe deviated septum that my Dr keeps wanting to get fixed. So someday I may do a  2fer on my nose.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 15, 2018, 08:06:28 AM
Lori was working so I took a walk by myself. I had just taken a shower and threw on my red day dress, in prep for changing to pj's later. I added my pink sun hat

Well, within a block I'm passing some guy carrying stuff, I kept my head down. He said hi, I barely managed a small wave w/o looking up. Halfway through the next block and get passed by 4-wheelers going slow, I never looked up.

couple blocks later I see ahead some guy doing something at the side of the road, that was it. I turned around and went home.

On the way home, I meet my dogs. They had dug under the fence ... again ... I got one to follow me home, the other took off.

I ended up nasty sweaty from fixing the fence and needed another shower.

All in all, a totally crappy evening.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on April 15, 2018, 08:24:54 AM
Sorry to hear that your evening walk was not pleasant.

I find that I do better to keep my head up.  I don't initiate eye contact with men (I often do with women), but I don't avoid it if they speak to me.  I might say hi to a woman whose eye contact looked friendly;  I wouldn't to a man unless he spoke first.

Head-down, avoiding eye contact is conspicuously furtive behaviour.  It attracts attention, the kind that you don't want.  If you act like prey, you might get treated like prey.

Women have better posture than men, and tend to walk more erect than men anyway.  But women are also alert for danger, so they keep their eyes level.  If you do that, you will be seen as a more natural woman, something that you probably want when wearing a dress.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: bobbisue on April 15, 2018, 11:42:59 AM
     Faith I am sorry your evening went poorly I  would like to relate an experience I had recently that may help I am not at all passable about a week ago I went to an interview in my old home town and had to dress as male [ugg] as I am living an hours drive away I had to spend the day presenting male I noticed the difference in how people reacted to me when i passed a woman I  would smile as usual I was totally ignored every time and no conversation at all I have become used to smiles and chatting as a woman mens reactions changed as well I got the nod in passing I felt uncomfortable as I am sure you do I felt as everyone was watching me they were not I guess what I am saying is dress age and situation appropriate and own it good body language and few if any will notice this seems impossible but it is not I was in the closet 4 months ago now dressing male feels so wrong You will find your way
     (((((HUGS)))))

     Bobbisue :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 15, 2018, 07:43:52 PM
Thanks for the comments. Overall my mood is still up, they are just down moments. I dress (as in outfit) all femme all the time, I am comfortable and hold myself well and am treated well. A few extra looks at times, to be expected. I am more comfortable thus more confident and it shows. In a dress, even though I like wearing it and am physically comfy, I am not so mentally comfortable when in the public eye .. and that shows as well. That's why  am working on it. Time will fix it.

out with the wife today doing some thrift shopping (every 3rd Sunday is our day out together .. a day long date). Anyways, we walk in to the store and start browsing, the gentleman running the counter comes over and asks if us 'ladies' knew about the store sales & pricing .. :D  Like I said, very comfortable when dressed but not in a dress.

Am I passing? no and I don't care as long as I am treated as if I am. The rest will come, I hope.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on April 17, 2018, 01:49:17 AM
Faith, sorry for my recent absence. As you already know, I've been a little "lost". Thank you for helping me find my way again.

I've just caught myself up on your recent posts. Boobs.......Yay!!!!! If they are sore, something is happening. It's a good kind of sore. I'm sorry you had an unpleasant experience while out for your evening walk. Your self confidence is probably what let you down that evening. You proved that later when out shopping with Lori and you were both addressed as "ladies". With Lori, you were confident in who you are without caring about other people's perception. The result was that you were perceived the way you wanted to be. You are not so confident out in public wearing a dress, which draws undesired attention (the lack of confidence, not the dress). The important thing is that you recognise the problem and are working on it. With time you will become more and more confident in whichever way you chose to present and people will see what you want them to see.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 18, 2018, 02:26:46 PM
AHHH .. boobs ..  I've always been thin chested, no muscle definition. Wearing a shirt, my lower ribs would hold the shirt out (my lower ribs curve out for prominent display). Later in life it was my belly. I've since lost the belly and today I noticed that my chest is holding my shirt out, I cannot see my lower ribs ........... progress.

My mood has been up for several weeks now. I've noticed that while things that have bothered me still do, they no longer kill my mood. I recover faster and continue my good mood.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on April 18, 2018, 06:52:42 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 18, 2018, 02:26:46 PM
AHHH .. boobs ..  I've always been thin chested, no muscle definition. Wearing a shirt, my lower ribs would hold the shirt out (my lower ribs curve out for prominent display). Later in life it was my belly. I've since lost the belly and today I noticed that my chest is holding my shirt out, I cannot see my lower ribs ........... progress.

My mood has been up for several weeks now. I've noticed that while things that have bothered me still do, they no longer kill my mood. I recover faster and continue my good mood.
Faith, I'm not sure what I can say. I have a big smile on my face and feeling very happy for you.

Oh yeah.......BOOBS!!!......just because you have some now. [emoji16]

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 20, 2018, 11:21:16 AM
time for a new update of nothing. Not much new going on. At least that means nothing bad either.

Today's Friday. Fridays are more casual. I wore a shirt I usually wear around the house. soft t-shirt material with a simple design. I got a 'oo, I love that top'. really? Of all the nice tops I wear my t-shirt gets the oo,ahh .. ? Strange people.

Can't do much on a Friday, wouldn't want to break anything that I have to fix before the weekend. That makes Fridays pretty long and boring.

Boobs are holding steady at mildly sore and achy .. maybe some miracle-grow ? Nah ... I don't want mountains, molehills are fine.

I had my GP resend the fax to PP giving the OK for spiro. I also had them send it to my house. I received my copy. I called PP and confirmed that they got it this time. They are reviewing it. Whether that means a prescription before my next appointment or not is anybody's guess.

Well, that sums it up. Unless you want to hear about me having to do manual labor with a shovel this weekend?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on April 20, 2018, 06:49:49 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 20, 2018, 11:21:16 AM
Well, that sums it up. Unless you want to hear about me having to do manual labor with a shovel this weekend?
WHAT!!!!!!!! You poor thing. What did you go and do that for? Manual labour is not any fun. I own some shovels. I try very hard not to use them. [emoji16]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on April 20, 2018, 07:07:16 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 20, 2018, 11:21:16 AMUnless you want to hear about me having to do manual labor with a shovel this weekend?
Well, yeah, we do.  Gardening?  Barn-cleaning?  Foundation repairs?  Snow removal?  Inquiring minds want to know.  Pictures if possible.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 20, 2018, 08:28:39 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on April 20, 2018, 06:49:49 PM
WHAT!!!!!!!! You poor thing. What did you go and do that for? Manual labour is not any fun. I own some shovels. I try very hard not to use them. [emoji16]

The only thing I like to shovel is BS. I'm pretty good at it when I want to be.

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 20, 2018, 07:07:16 PM
Well, yeah, we do.  Gardening?  Barn-cleaning?  Foundation repairs?  Snow removal?  Inquiring minds want to know.  Pictures if possible.

Dog fence, if you must know. They get very perturbed when left alone and keep digging under the fence. When the fence was first put in they only butted it to the ground. Grass grew up and the dogs didn't know they could go under. It's very dry here (Fl, no snow) so the grass is gone. Plus the years have rusted it away and weakened it, it's only rabbit fencing after all.

do you still want pictures? of the fence with holes? or of me with a shovel?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on April 21, 2018, 01:09:56 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 20, 2018, 08:28:39 PM
do you still want pictures? of the fence with holes? or of me with a shovel?
Of course! Both please.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on April 21, 2018, 06:20:57 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 20, 2018, 08:28:39 PM
Dog fence, if you must know. They get very perturbed when left alone and keep digging under the fence. When the fence was first put in they only butted it to the ground. Grass grew up and the dogs didn't know they could go under. It's very dry here (Fl, no snow) so the grass is gone. Plus the years have rusted it away and weakened it, it's only rabbit fencing after all.

do you still want pictures? of the fence with holes? or of me with a shovel?
Cool!  What kind of dogs do you have?  We have a greyhound.  Fortunately, she is not interested in digging or jumping, so fence construction is easy.

Pics entirely at your discretion, of course.  To give you some encouragement, here's me digging an electrical trench to the barn:
(https://farm1.staticflickr.com/881/40707009305_a9cb458a2b_b.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 21, 2018, 06:41:52 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on April 21, 2018, 06:20:57 AM
Cool!  What kind of dogs do you have?  We have a greyhound.  Fortunately, she is not interested in digging or jumping, so fence construction is easy.

Pics entirely at your discretion, of course.  ....

A pure blood basenji and an Australian Shepherd/basset mix.

no shovel pics yet, I'm barely moving enough to make coffee.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 21, 2018, 06:49:55 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on April 21, 2018, 06:20:57 AMTo give you some encouragement, here's me digging an electrical trench to the barn:
(https://farm1.staticflickr.com/881/40707009305_a9cb458a2b_b.jpg)

If you have to use a shovel, that's definitely the kind to have. Of course, it's probably necessary when you're digging frozen tundra. [emoji6]

Stephanie

PS: A 35 lb. German Shepherd/Border Collie mix owns us here.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 21, 2018, 11:48:22 AM
sorry, no shovel pictures, no one here to take the picture. I've done all I am going to for today. manual labor, ick.

as for a feel good moment, Lori confirmed, I have hair growth in my receding areas ..... YAY!! No such thing as too much hair ... on your head in any case ...  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on April 21, 2018, 03:52:51 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 21, 2018, 11:48:22 AM
as for a feel good moment, Lori confirmed, I have hair growth in my receding areas ..... YAY!! No such thing as too much hair ... on your head in any case ...  :D
Are you using anything to stimulate hair growth or did it just starting happening on its own?

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 21, 2018, 06:30:43 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on April 21, 2018, 03:52:51 PM
Are you using anything to stimulate hair growth or did it just starting happening on its own?

Jayne

I quit using 'guy' shampoo and started doing a proper shampoo/conditioner for scalp and hair health. Between that and the estradiol must be doing it. I'll let you know in a month if Lori and I were misled by my desires :)




ps. Just caught up on your thread. I understand .... (https://i.imgur.com/3Q7HEkSt.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 23, 2018, 12:33:39 PM
another day, another comment

mood, still overall good. Once in a while I get the bouncy 'can't-sit-still' feeling.

Waaaay back on 11/08/2017 (that's November for those of you that can't get your month and day in the right places) I took some 'I'm Fat' measurements. I actually started my diet/exercise in mid Oct.

Last night, I remeasured a couple.

ribs (under bust), I went from 39 inches to 37
waist, I went from 40 inches to 35.

Still a bit to go on my waist but .... progress.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on April 23, 2018, 03:54:51 PM
Hi Faith, great to see you are still in a good mood. Congratulations on the weight loss. I seem to be stuck at my current weight. It stays pretty constant with only minor deviations up and down. I try not to eat too much junk but I am not good at keeping up with exercise. Working nightshift and feeling like a zombie kills any shreds of motivation I might have.

Keep up your good work.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 25, 2018, 07:38:43 PM
broke the diet today. We had to go pick up some items for the house and as I was standing there all nekked wondering what to wear my wife goes, "wear something nice, show off that new body". Well, Alrighty then. I dressed up (no, not a dress). She dressed up as well. Off we went to fill my prescriptions then hit wally world. On the way I said that since we're all dressed up we should go out to eat, so we did. First dinner date with us dressed as she & her. First dinner date for just the two of us in a loooong while.

At Walmart I got one "Excuse me, ma'am" from a young girl (11'ish) wanting something from behind me
At dinner, an older gentleman tapped my shoulder and asked what I did to keep all my hair (paraphrased)
+1 -1 does not equal 0, in this case the +1 wins.

Very good dinner, neither of us could eat it all and we're both stuffed. No walk or exercise tonight .. blaaahhhh ....
In the middle of dinner Lori was staring at me .. I said, "What? Do I have soup on my face?". She said, "No, I can see it". 'It' being the changes to a more feminine look. I blame the weight loss  ;D

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on April 25, 2018, 08:16:42 PM
Wow Faith! That is fantastic! A nice dinner with your wonderful wife, both of you all dressed up, how special! It sounds like you had more than just a +1 moment, it must at least be a +4 or 5. That easily beats the -1.

I am very happy for you. Keep the updates coming. I look forward to reading your posts.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on April 25, 2018, 08:19:23 PM
 Loved the update Faith. It's nice to get out with your loved one for a good dinner.(pssst I know this thing) I agree with your math too. Definitely a 1 result. And congrats on the weight loss. My little road trip did nothing to help me with min. In fact I gained back all I had lost prior to going on the road. It wasn't that much, but it was gone.
  Lori is still being that wonderful woman I got to know a little bit better while I was there. She's a keeper and has no plans to go anywhere without you Hun.

Hugs to you both,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on April 25, 2018, 09:48:45 PM
Let's see......

Quote
... my wife goes, "wear something nice, show off that new body".
+1

Quote
First dinner date with us dressed as she & her.
+1

Quote
At Walmart I got one "Excuse me, ma'am" from a young girl (11'ish) wanting something from behind me
+1

Quote
At dinner, an older gentleman tapped my shoulder and asked what I did to keep all my hair (paraphrased)
-1 (maybe?)

Quote
Very good dinner, neither of us could eat it all and we're both stuffed.
+1      (Good food is always a +1)

Quote
She said, "No, I can see it". 'It' being the changes to a more feminine look.
+1


Per my calculations,
+1 +1 +1 -1 +1 +1 = +4


Does that seem accurate? [emoji16]

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on April 26, 2018, 12:03:06 AM
Dining out together, preferably in a quiet, calm and possibly romantic environment is a wonderful way to maintain that connection romance forges between two people.  The act of sharing a meal and the experience is itself intimate, and brings two people together. (Verified by field testing...)

Doing this regularly if possible can be a powerful tool to maintain that connection.  Well done, Faith!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 26, 2018, 07:30:08 AM
Definitely a plus evening, we both enjoyed our time out.

She stole my dress though. She was like, "Can I wear your dress since you're dressing up"

Wait, What?

So, you want me to dress up so that you have a reason 'borrow' my dress? ... sheesh :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on April 26, 2018, 07:32:16 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 26, 2018, 07:30:08 AM
So, you want me to dress up so that you have a reason 'borrow' my dress? ... sheesh :D

Hey, it ended up as a win, so I'd go with it!  ;D  Glad you had a nice night out.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 26, 2018, 07:39:44 AM
Kathy, I'm disappointed. I guess I'll have to say it:

Pics or it didn't happen.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 26, 2018, 07:46:43 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on April 26, 2018, 07:39:44 AM
Kathy, I'm disappointed. I guess I'll have to say it:

Pics or it didn't happen.


- Stephanie

(https://i.imgur.com/BbQ8BPa.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 26, 2018, 07:49:43 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 26, 2018, 07:46:43 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/BbQ8BPa.jpg)

Well that's more like it! Six pics, and with a nice theme!


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 26, 2018, 07:53:51 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on April 26, 2018, 07:49:43 AM
Well that's more like it! Six pics, and with a nice theme!


- Stephanie

I didn't realize. I hope it gets past those moderators that I posted six picks

(for the blind, change the pronunciation .. it's punny)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 26, 2018, 07:58:38 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 26, 2018, 07:53:51 AM
I didn't realize. I hope it gets past those moderators that I posted six picks

(for the blind, change the pronunciation .. it's punny)

Well, at least it wasn't one of these:

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180426/847c91e1d4c022cfa83f6d1644ee40bd.jpg)


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 26, 2018, 08:02:32 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on April 26, 2018, 07:58:38 AM
Well, at least it wasn't one of these:

- Stephanie

AARRRGGGHHHH ... can't unsee. shame on you.  :eusa_naughty:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 27, 2018, 09:30:20 AM
 :icon_wave: hello

all in all, still going well. Another day and it's FRIDAY!!. I'm just waiting for the workday to end.

Nothing to add for myself. Keeping things quiet since I can't keep my foot out of my mouth whenever it opens to, umm, type something? How does that work? Type comments, insert foot. I should type with my mouth shut.  :icon_silenced:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on May 06, 2018, 01:51:05 PM
time to stick my nose in again, but not to pick it (@Rachel_Christina ... HAH!!!)

Time is moving along with life, or vice-versa, or not at all if you subscribe to the 'everything happened at once' theory.

At work the other day talking to one of the women there. her first comment? "So, your boobs are growing." ACK! .. I guess it's already time for a bit of suppression or masking. Not to hide my boobettes but to insure they don't point the way everywhere I go.

Speaking of pointing, I had my first run-in with the edge of a door, OWWWWWW .. brought tears to my eyes and lasted at least 15 minutes. And that was my right boobette. My left is much more sore and sensitive, I hope to never abuse that one.

I seem to be getting more androgynous, still masculine though. I am getting more and more side glances and questioning looks. Nothing bad, thankfully.

My wife and I were driving somewhere and I don't remember the topic but she looked at me and said, "It's not fair". I was like,"what?". "It's not fair that you can pull off either look" ..... :D

well, that's it. There's loads more that's gone on and things through my head and such but I'll not bore you with the details of my life's trepidations.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: davina61 on May 06, 2018, 04:23:23 PM
Still wearing breast forms but they don't sit right now and working on my panel van today kept bumping the right one , that's of course the one that's very sore today (it does vary) and wearing my A cup bra tonight with slight padding I reached across to the left and clipped it with my arm , not done the door frame yet but have to be careful getting in and out of cars and on 2 door ones testing rear seat belts . Still its NPNG   
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on May 06, 2018, 05:02:18 PM
I haven't had any tear inducing door incidents, but it has gotten my attention when something unexpectedly brushes past my boobs. This week I started wearing a crop top sports bra at work for some concealment. I didn't want any awkward questions being asked before I am ready to come out.

Lori seems to be handling your changes well.  She seems like an awesome person.

Thanks for your update.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on May 06, 2018, 06:22:24 PM
QuoteLori seems to be handling your changes well.  She seems like an awesome person.

Thanks for your update.

Jayne

  Lori is an awesome person @Jayne01.  You can take my word for it. For that matter so is Faith.

I've met them Na na na na  :icon_razz: :icon_razz: :icon_wave: :icon_wave:

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on May 06, 2018, 10:41:10 PM
Quote from: Laurie on May 06, 2018, 06:22:24 PM
  Lori is an awesome person @Jayne01.  You can take my word for it. For that matter so is Faith.

I've met them Na na na na  :icon_razz: :icon_razz: :icon_wave: :icon_wave:

Hugs,
  Laurie
I hope to meet them also someday. Maybe I should do my own trip, taking inspiration from you, Laurie. It couldn't be a road trip though, not enough time, and I do live on an island. My car would get wet! [emoji16] I could call it Jayne's World Air Tour and fly around the world meeting all the lovely people here.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on May 07, 2018, 03:50:26 PM
Much more of this and I may have to split some off so Faith can have her thread back. Hmmmm @Jayne01 's World Air Tour thread... It does have a nice ring to it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on May 07, 2018, 03:57:37 PM
Your are right, time to return this thread back to Faith.

Over to you @Faith

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on May 08, 2018, 05:59:22 AM
I don't think I want my thread back, at least someone should make use of it.

All I want to do today is to go home, scrub my face off, crawl into bed, and hope that tomorrow the mirror lies better. Today it showed the stark truth .. welcome to anti-poser day where your deepest lies are on display for all to see.

I'm stuck at work with no way out
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on May 08, 2018, 11:51:01 AM
Quote from: Faith on May 08, 2018, 05:59:22 AM
I don't think I want my thread back, at least someone should make use of it.

All I want to do today is to go home, scrub my face off, crawl into bed, and hope that tomorrow the mirror lies better. Today it showed the stark truth .. welcome to anti-poser day where your deepest lies are on display for all to see.

I'm stuck at work with no way out

  Hi Faith,

  I am sure you look fine. You as you know are your own worst critic. blah blah blah... Yes you have heard it all before, but Hun, it is true. You see yourself as you think you are. It is not what everyone else sees. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and it messes with our heads. You my dear are one of those that have a problem seeing what we see. It isn't as much the outward appearance (that changes too much). No, it is that inner beauty in you we see that colors what we see. Lighten up on yourself Faith. You are more than what you see in those mirrors. You are beautiful if shy and we can see it even if you cannot. You are okay Faith, and this will pass.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on May 08, 2018, 03:29:41 PM
Quote from: Faith on May 08, 2018, 05:59:22 AM
I don't think I want my thread back, at least someone should make use of it.

All I want to do today is to go home, scrub my face off, crawl into bed, and hope that tomorrow the mirror lies better. Today it showed the stark truth .. welcome to anti-poser day where your deepest lies are on display for all to see.

I'm stuck at work with no way out
Sorry you are having a crappy day, Faith. It happens and it sucks. Get through today however you need to do that and when you wake up tomorrow it will be a new day.

Hang in there.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on May 09, 2018, 07:29:21 PM
If/when things get better it'll totally depend on the mirrors. Right now they are the enemy.


Follow-up day at PP. Nothing to report, they just drew blood for the next labs. It'll be a week or so for the results.
Lady sitting across from us in the waiting room kept looking at me surreptitiously. I couldn't tell what she was thinking and I couldn't catch her eye to give her the big 'hello, how are ya' smile. probably wouldn't be a good thing anyway, I have a smile suitable for the terminator.


We stopped at Big Lots to do some browsing and shopping. Salesmen in there asked us 'ladies' if we needed any help. I kept my back turned so as to not ruin the moment. At the check out, a girl behind us complimented my boots. Well yes, they are nice. I did smile at her, it didn't seem to scare her too badly.


While wandering around the store we saw this picture sitting up front and decided that it was a photo op.
(https://i.imgur.com/poP9Xxkm.jpg?1)
**image cropped for content**
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on May 09, 2018, 09:40:48 PM
Quote from: Faith on May 09, 2018, 07:29:21 PM
If/when things get better it'll totally depend on the mirrors. Right now they are the enemy.


Follow-up day at PP. Nothing to report, they just drew blood for the next labs. It'll be a week or so for the results.
Lady sitting across from us in the waiting room kept looking at me surreptitiously. I couldn't tell what she was thinking and I couldn't catch her eye to give her the big 'hello, how are ya' smile. probably wouldn't be a good thing anyway, I have a smile suitable for the terminator.


We stopped at Big Lots to do some browsing and shopping. Salesmen in there asked us 'ladies' if we needed any help. I kept my back turned so as to not ruin the moment. At the check out, a girl behind us complimented my boots. Well yes, they are nice. I did smile at her, it didn't seem to scare her too badly.


While wandering around the store we saw this picture sitting up front and decided that it was a photo op.
(https://i.imgur.com/poP9Xxkm.jpg?1)
**image cropped for content**
Sorry things are dragging out with PP. hopefully they will soon give you the prescription you need. I have my fingers crossed for you.
There is no way to ever know the inner thoughts of a complete stranger just by the look on their face. No sense in letting what they may or may not be thinking affect your mood. Read the writing on the photo frame you took a photo with. Be your own kind of beautiful. It's the best kind anyway.

It's nice to see you frequently get gendered correctly when you are out in public. You have made several posts where a salesperson or waitstaff in a restaurant refer to you and your wife as "ladies".  That's wonderful news.

Keep your updates coming, I enjoy catching up to see how you are going. Thank you for sharing.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on May 11, 2018, 09:18:48 AM
I figured I'd pop in here while my mood is a bit better to make a, if not final close to it, post on a high note.

a good friend that I've known for years, whom I was not out to, recently asked about possibly playing music. We chatted via text and I am meeting where they play next Thursday. I'll go each Thursday if things go OK. They currently don't need me but one person may stop playing soon (which is why I was approached).

I had not outed myself to him before, unsure how he'd take it and not wanting to 'ruin' things if all we did was text. You can't see the changes in a text. I replied to him that I had to send him an email prior to to showing up. I sent him the 'for friends coming out email'

The response was probably one of the best that I've received and all positive. It's good to know that some people like you for yourself.

So, that's it.  :icon_wave:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on May 11, 2018, 09:45:36 AM
Great news, Faith! The people who truly like you just want you to be happy. And a lot of people like you!


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on May 11, 2018, 09:48:11 AM
Quote from: Faith on May 11, 2018, 09:18:48 AM
The response was probably one of the best that I've received and all positive. It's good to know that some people like you for yourself.

So, that's it.  :icon_wave:
Great news, Faith. Our real friends like and love us for our hearts and who we are on the inside. Of course the response was positive; what's not to like in a caring and loving and compassionate soul?

I guess I missed it along the way - what do you play? I played vibes and marimba until I lost fine muscle control after wrecking a shoulder 13 years ago.

Susan


Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on May 11, 2018, 10:28:31 AM
That's great, that your friend was good with your news!  It's always good to hear good news. 

And congratulations on being asked to play with some other musicians!  What do you play?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on May 11, 2018, 11:18:55 AM
Hi Faith,

  I think your friend's response was just as it should be every time you reveal yourself to another. It was a great response. Congrats. Hun. I am assuming they will want you to pay bass guitar?

And what is the "Last Post" nonsense? I know where you live girl...

Hugs,
  Laurie

 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on May 11, 2018, 04:47:29 PM
Quote from: Faith on May 11, 2018, 09:18:48 AM
I figured I'd pop in here while my mood is a bit better to make a, if not final close to it, post on a high note.

a good friend that I've known for years, whom I was not out to, recently asked about possibly playing music. We chatted via text and I am meeting where they play next Thursday. I'll go each Thursday if things go OK. They currently don't need me but one person may stop playing soon (which is why I was approached).

I had not outed myself to him before, unsure how he'd take it and not wanting to 'ruin' things if all we did was text. You can't see the changes in a text. I replied to him that I had to send him an email prior to to showing up. I sent him the 'for friends coming out email'

The response was probably one of the best that I've received and all positive. It's good to know that some people like you for yourself.

So, that's it.  :icon_wave:
Faith, that is great news! Not surprising, though. You said this person was a good friend, and clearly they are. Why wouldn't a good friend be positive and supportive?

I know nothing about music, I hope you get to play regularly. It's good to have an interest that is seperate from anything trans related. Your mind could do with a break once in a while

I am glad your mood is a little better.

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on May 24, 2018, 01:42:13 PM
since I'm here ....

- Lori confessed to calling me "My girl" (her girl, obviously) at times ... well waddahyahknow
- Gal at work, hispanic (only matters due to choice of verbiage), raves about my hair, it seems that I am "the coolest person" and beautiful. hmm, Needs glasses I suspect.
- BOOBS yep, they need a mention. Had a growth spurt last week, they're visible from the front now. I told Lori about it and pulled my shirt up .. she's like "Yep, they sprouted" :)
- What else, Oh yeah. The music buddy called to see if I was still coming Thursday (tonight). I said, probably, pretty sure. He said, "We need a bass player, ours won't be there". OK, so I'll be there amongst a bunch of people that I know who have not seen me since transition start / coming out. Should be interesting.
- Hair, receding lines definitely filling in. How much? time will tell.
- Vacation next two weeks, heading to my brother's in Virginia. Crappy cell service and crappy internet. I'll be roughing it.
- Lori says my waist is more defined and ..... my butt is getting fat. *gasp* time to add squats to the routine.

I'm sure more little things happened worth mentioning, I'm old and CRS.


Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on May 26, 2018, 10:01:05 AM
Quote from: Faith on May 24, 2018, 01:42:13 PM
since I'm here ....

- Lori confessed to calling me "My girl" (her girl, obviously) at times ... well waddahyahknow
- Gal at work, hispanic (only matters due to choice of verbiage), raves about my hair, it seems that I am "the coolest person" and beautiful. hmm, Needs glasses I suspect.
- BOOBS yep, they need a mention. Had a growth spurt last week, they're visible from the front now. I told Lori about it and pulled my shirt up .. she's like "Yep, they sprouted" :)
- What else, Oh yeah. The music buddy called to see if I was still coming Thursday (tonight). I said, probably, pretty sure. He said, "We need a bass player, ours won't be there". OK, so I'll be there amongst a bunch of people that I know who have not seen me since transition start / coming out. Should be interesting.
- Hair, receding lines definitely filling in. How much? time will tell.
- Vacation next two weeks, heading to my brother's in Virginia. Crappy cell service and crappy internet. I'll be roughing it.
- Lori says my waist is more defined and ..... my butt is getting fat. *gasp* time to add squats to the routine.

I'm sure more little things happened worth mentioning, I'm old and CRS.
Well waddahyahknow, we still have Faith.

You're not just Lori's girl you know; I, for one, am happy you stuck around and plied us with good news.
Have fun playing and while on vacation. Please let us know how the gig went when you have time.

Hugs aplenty,
Susan
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on May 26, 2018, 02:42:35 PM
quick update

- gig went well. I was a bit rusty but the audience couldn't tell. A couple songs I had heard and never played, did the best I could by ear. No untoward comments and a 'wow, you look great. I love your hair'. No one specifically avoided me that I could tell.
- I finally got some feedback regarding my nieces. I was talking to my daughter and she mentioned asking them if they knew. They were like, "Yes, Uncle **" forwarded us the email, we think it's awesome" ..
- relaxing and packing and packing and relaxing for the drive. I plan on leaving around midnight.


I did not get my spiro prescription. I got a letter, late, stating that the 'lab rejected your specimen due to: 'extreme hemolysis of specimen'. I need new labs. I got the letter this morning, labs and PP are closed, it's a holiday weekend. I'll be in Virginia when they open. All I can do is hope I can get new labs done while on vacation so they can have the results by the time I'm back home.

the real sticky point? I had called them earlier in the week regarding waiting on the labs and that I was going on vacation so needed a refill of estradiol for the trip. No mention of the labs needed redone, if they had I could have done them already. Now it's too late.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on May 26, 2018, 08:53:03 PM
Hi Faith,
I'm just catching up after being offline for a few days. Good to see you posting again.

Thanks for updating us on your progress. Lori's girl, boobs, waist, hair, cool, beautiful, nieces think it's awesome.... Wow! What an update. So much is happening. Oh and playing music gigs too.

Sorry you keep having setbacks with getting your spiro prescription. Hopefully you will get it soon.

Enjoy your vacation. I hope you will be ok roughing it with the crappy phone reception and internet. [emoji12]

Take care

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 12, 2018, 07:54:53 AM
Hey y'all, a quick update to let you know I'm alive. I find that I cannot peruse the forums as I used to. I skimmed a few and had to stop. I am not purposely ignoring anyone I just can't bring myself to read things, good or bad.

Vacation is over. I had a couple meltdowns that pretty much ruined it. No one knew what to do or say after they happened so I was on my own. Proof was at the end, the 'troop' was heading out ahead of us, hugs and goodbyes all around ... I was not included, I should have stayed in bed.

in the interest of sharing and showing that I was really on vacation, here's some pictures. At least they show that I was trying to be myself despite my manly appearance. These are the least 'manly' that I could find.

my typical "get it out of my face" hair non-style

(https://i.imgur.com/rTu7MNs.jpg)

my typical "pondering" pose

(https://i.imgur.com/efzqpCA.jpg)

Proof that I wore my new swimsuit ... except the top, that's in photos that I won't share (too ugly)

(https://i.imgur.com/ozobMu1.jpg)

One landscape view, too many to post so I just picked one

(https://i.imgur.com/F8JJqOe.jpg)

that's it, back to hiding before I fall apart again. Take care everyone (Steph and Jayne, glad to 'see' that someone has things going positive, keep it up!)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: IamJoannaAndJohn on June 12, 2018, 07:58:23 AM
Quote from: Faith on June 12, 2018, 07:54:53 AM
Hey y'all, a quick update to let you know I'm alive. I find that I cannot peruse the forums as I used to. I skimmed a few and had to stop. I am not purposely ignoring anyone I just can't bring myself to read things, good or bad.

Vacation is over. I had a couple meltdowns that pretty much ruined it. No one knew what to do or say after they happened so I was on my own. Proof was at the end, the 'troop' was heading out ahead of us, hugs and goodbyes all around ... I was not included, I should have stayed in bed.

in the interest of sharing and showing that I was really on vacation, here's some pictures. At least they show that I was trying to be myself despite my manly appearance. These are the least 'manly' that I could find.

my typical "get it out of my face" hair non-style

(https://i.imgur.com/rTu7MNs.jpg)

my typical "pondering" pose

(https://i.imgur.com/efzqpCA.jpg)

Proof that I wore my new swimsuit ... except the top, that's in photos that I won't share (too ugly)

(https://i.imgur.com/ozobMu1.jpg)

One landscape view, too many to post so I just picked one

(https://i.imgur.com/F8JJqOe.jpg)

that's it, back to hiding before I fall apart again. Take care everyone (Steph and Jayne, glad to 'see' that someone has things going positive, keep it up!)

hi hi first time stumbling upon progress threads and i must say you look awesomely cool and all knowing (wise) :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 12, 2018, 07:35:10 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 12, 2018, 07:54:53 AM
Hey y'all, a quick update to let you know I'm alive. I find that I cannot peruse the forums as I used to. I skimmed a few and had to stop. I am not purposely ignoring anyone I just can't bring myself to read things, good or bad.

Vacation is over. I had a couple meltdowns that pretty much ruined it. No one knew what to do or say after they happened so I was on my own. Proof was at the end, the 'troop' was heading out ahead of us, hugs and goodbyes all around ... I was not included, I should have stayed in bed.

in the interest of sharing and showing that I was really on vacation, here's some pictures. At least they show that I was trying to be myself despite my manly appearance. These are the least 'manly' that I could find.

my typical "get it out of my face" hair non-style

(https://i.imgur.com/rTu7MNs.jpg)

my typical "pondering" pose

(https://i.imgur.com/efzqpCA.jpg)

Proof that I wore my new swimsuit ... except the top, that's in photos that I won't share (too ugly)

(https://i.imgur.com/ozobMu1.jpg)

One landscape view, too many to post so I just picked one

(https://i.imgur.com/F8JJqOe.jpg)

that's it, back to hiding before I fall apart again. Take care everyone (Steph and Jayne, glad to 'see' that someone has things going positive, keep it up!)
Hey Faith,

Thanks for your update. It's really good to see you posting once in a while.

Sorry you had a couple of meltdowns during your holiday. Meltdowns really suck. Good news is that they do happen less frequently as you progress and eventually become nothing more than a girly cry just to clean out your eyes. [emoji4]

I think you are being hard on yourself referring to your "manly" appearance. You actually pass rather well as a woman, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better.

Take care...

Hugs,

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on June 13, 2018, 01:00:55 AM
  Hi Faith (and you too Lori)

  Thank you for your few posts and pictures. We do like to hear from you but won't push it. In case you have not heard I am officially legally Laurie Jeanette Wickwire. I am awaiting my new driver's license and corrected birth certificate.
  I liked reading that you were asked to do the gig and I am sure your bass playing was up to expectations. It is good for you to get out and about once in awhile.
  Tell Lori I said hello and give her a hug for me please.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 13, 2018, 10:54:21 AM
Quote from: Laurie on June 13, 2018, 01:00:55 AM
  Hi Faith (and you too Lori)

  Thank you for your few posts and pictures. We do like to hear from you but won't push it. In case you have not heard I am officially legally Laurie Jeanette Wickwire. I am awaiting my new driver's license and corrected birth certificate.
  I liked reading that you were asked to do the gig and I am sure your bass playing was up to expectations. It is good for you to get out and about once in awhile.
  Tell Lori I said hello and give her a hug for me please.

Hugs,
  Laurie

LAURIE!!  I had intended to mention your achievement ... and I forgot in all my mess of thoughts. Congrats on finally getting your label all official. Is it tattoo'd anywhere? Just wondering.

The gig went well enough for the one night, then vacation. I just got a call asking for a return tomorrow, I guess I wasn't too bad.

Jayne, I appreciate the nice positive comments, I see a guy ... skinny, but still a guy. I'm horribly inflated. I put on 3 lbs while vacationing, time for a severe diet .. HAH, just kidding.

I am having a real problem embracing myself. All my struggles are internalized. I really don't have any external issues to deal with. In fact, Lori has said several times, "It's time to embrace the inner woman and move forward" (paraphrased but close). .. If only it were that easy.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on June 13, 2018, 01:55:06 PM
Listen to Lori!! She knows what you need. So either you listen to her or it is back on the fridge with you.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 13, 2018, 07:34:30 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 13, 2018, 10:54:21 AM
I am having a real problem embracing myself. All my struggles are internalized. I really don't have any external issues to deal with. In fact, Lori has said several times, "It's time to embrace the inner woman and move forward" (paraphrased but close). .. If only it were that easy.
Faith, it is definitely not easy. There isn't much anyone can say to get you past this internalised struggle. It is between you and you! Your old male self and the new woman emerging. At some point, the old you will have to let go so that Faith can live freely. It is a struggle we all go through at some stage. Think of the positives, Lori is already fully accepting of you. You already dress the way you want. It's time to let go of "him". "He" has served a purpose and can now hand over control to Faith.

Be kind to yourself while you work your way through these internalised struggles. It will take time.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 14, 2018, 06:38:02 AM
Last night was a good night, mood lifted HIGH and I felt good. We'll see how long it goes.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on June 14, 2018, 12:31:57 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 14, 2018, 06:38:02 AM
Last night was a good night, mood lifted HIGH and I felt good. We'll see how long it goes.

  You either listen to Lori or clean off the top of the fridge.....

Glad you had a good high night.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 14, 2018, 11:14:09 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 14, 2018, 06:38:02 AM
Last night was a good night, mood lifted HIGH and I felt good. We'll see how long it goes.
Glad to hear you are in a high mood and feeling good. Enjoy it for however long it lasts. The highs do become more frequent and longer lasting.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on June 15, 2018, 12:07:23 AM
Quote from: Faith on June 14, 2018, 06:38:02 AM
Last night was a good night, mood lifted HIGH and I felt good. We'll see how long it goes.

I hope it goes for a long time, Faith. Ride that wave and follow Lori's sage advice. It's time to move to the next step, whatever you deem it to be.

All the best to you and Lori. You deserve it.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 15, 2018, 08:21:16 PM
sometimes it's the simple comments that do the most good.

Another jam yesterday ... good night, bad music :P

anyway, one of the guys came up and simply gave me a hug (he was always a hugger) and said (paraphrased), "I know what you're going through and I want you to know that you'll always be my friend, that'll never change". It made me think of all the people in my life, accepting or not.

Acquaintances, quite a few and some can't handle it. that's Ok, they're just acquaintances. Others quite familiar, due to knowing others (or someone in their family) going throw it, and supportive.

Friends, most friends are accepting. only the afore mentioned religious 'friends' had a problem with it thus far.

Family, hmm, I cannot think of anyone related that, so far, has had a problem with it .. at least, not to my face.

yes, I'm doing better.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 16, 2018, 03:46:39 AM
Hey Faith, happy to hear you had a good jam night and are feeling better.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 16, 2018, 06:39:55 AM
yeah, I'm turning myself around. Trying to concentrate on the positives instead of the negatives. Once I clear that internal struggle it should be smooth sailing .. comparatively while I patch the holes in the sailcloth while bailing due to the holes caused by the rough ground that I hit. Nothing to it :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on June 16, 2018, 07:11:48 AM
Quote from: Faith on June 16, 2018, 06:39:55 AM
yeah, I'm turning myself around. Trying to concentrate on the positives instead of the negatives. Once I clear that internal struggle it should be smooth sailing .. comparatively while I patch the holes in the sailcloth while bailing due to the holes caused by the rough ground that I hit. Nothing to it :P

Go, Faith! I love to hear you talking like this!

I'm trying to get back to that place myself. Setbacks have almost sunk my boat lately so I'm paddling hard for shore. I'll be ok in the long run. I float pretty well.


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 16, 2018, 07:14:18 AM
Quote from: Faith on June 16, 2018, 06:39:55 AM
yeah, I'm turning myself around. Trying to concentrate on the positives instead of the negatives. Once I clear that internal struggle it should be smooth sailing .. comparatively while I patch the holes in the sailcloth while bailing due to the holes caused by the rough ground that I hit. Nothing to it :P
That's the spirit. You go girl!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on June 16, 2018, 08:26:43 AM
Quote from: Faith on June 16, 2018, 06:39:55 AM
yeah, I'm turning myself around. Trying to concentrate on the positives instead of the negatives. Once I clear that internal struggle it should be smooth sailing .. comparatively while I patch the holes in the sailcloth while bailing due to the holes caused by the rough ground that I hit. Nothing to it :P
It beats being up the creek without a paddle. ;D  You've got this, Faith!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 18, 2018, 01:08:33 PM
and the pendulum swings. I feel miserable, body aches, muscle knots, piercing sinus pains .. I'm a mess.
-=the big but=- (no, not my butt) ... my mood is still up.

life is so weird.



ps.
honorable mention: bOObs :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 18, 2018, 01:49:49 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 18, 2018, 01:08:33 PM
and the pendulum swings. I feel miserable, body aches, muscle knots, piercing sinus pains .. I'm a mess.
-=the big but=- (no, not my butt) ... my mood is still up.

life is so weird.



ps.
honorable mention: bOObs :D
Oh! We haven't heard from the boobs in a while. Glad to hear they are still getting a mention. You even managed to squeeze in a butt mention [emoji23] [emoji23]

Glad your mood is still up with the bodily aches and pains.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 19, 2018, 05:43:07 AM
Lori and I were finally settled on the couch last night winding down to bed time. I didn't feel like watching anything new as that would take too much thinking. I settled on and old movie, "Field of Dreams" ... can you guess what happened?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 19, 2018, 05:23:03 PM
You built a baseball field in your back yard? [emoji41]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 20, 2018, 12:07:29 PM
Since I was 'talking' to Jayne via email I figured I should answer my posed question on here even though I suspect little interest. short answer .. I broke down and cried for a few minutes. No point in typing out a whole story, pretty boring really.

back to the shadows I go.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 20, 2018, 12:15:05 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 19, 2018, 05:43:07 AM
Lori and I were finally settled on the couch last night winding down to bed time. I didn't feel like watching anything new as that would take too much thinking. I settled on and old movie, "Field of Dreams" ... can you guess what happened?

@Faith:   You just can't leave your followers hanging like that.   
Of course we all know what happened in the movie as @Jayne01 quipped in her reply.  BUT, your followers and readers want to know, what did happen with you and Lori on the couch???   
We obviously only want you to post the clean version of the details here on the Forums.

Thanks for posting and keeping your thread updated....  but please do not go "back to the shadows..."
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 20, 2018, 01:12:06 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 20, 2018, 12:07:29 PM
Since I was 'talking' to Jayne via email I figured I should answer my posed question on here even though I suspect little interest. short answer .. I broke down and cried for a few minutes. No point in typing out a whole story, pretty boring really.

back to the shadows I go.
Faith, just to clarify for you and your readers, I answered your question with a tongue in cheek response because I already knew the answer to your question from our emails. It wasn't my place to repeat anything that we have discussed privately. My silly response came from my silly nature! [emoji12]

You have some very interested followers here. We don't find your posts boring, otherwise we wouldn't be following your thread in the first place. I will repeat what Danielle said, please don't return to the shadows. We like you and miss you when you are not around. Post stories that are as long as you want. I will certainly be reading them with interest. I know others will too.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on June 20, 2018, 02:08:15 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 20, 2018, 12:07:29 PM
Since I was 'talking' to Jayne via email I figured I should answer my posed question on here even though I suspect little interest. short answer .. I broke down and cried for a few minutes. No point in typing out a whole story, pretty boring really.

back to the shadows I go.

No, please don't do that. We're bored when you're not posting. Your stories, both good and bad, are important. We all care about you and want to help when we can. So stay with us here!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 22, 2018, 11:31:55 AM
first order of business:
@Jayne looking great .. ever forward
@steph I'm sorry for your crap day dealing with idiots and stumbles. From all that I've read, none of it is a 'you' problem, it's a 'them' problem - let them deal with it. You keep doing what you're doing and be yourself.
@everyone else; I can't keep up. I just cannot read all the good/bad goings-on. it eats at me. Better to not read. No reflection on any of you.



I'll try to summarize my days a bit
1- 'Field of Dreams' couch time. Strictly PG-13, thank you very much. One scene of the movie makes the statement something like, "It must be heaven, heaven is where dreams come true". Well, at the end of the movie, I crawl over and lay in Lori's lap, look up at her and say (paraphrased now), "This must be heaven". And then I broke down and cried while my loving caring wife looked down at me and laughed, and laughed. Really .. LAUGHING. Pour my heart out, bare my soul, and this is my reward ... sheesh. For those not in the know (which is most of you), it was not malicious or demeaning laughing. It was fun, teasing, together laughing. I'll take it.

2- Text from my sis-in-law with a screenshot of a contact on her phone. Faith Nicole XXXX with my number. She asked, "Is this right". Yep. She said she wanted it on her phone to help her remember and get used to it.

3- Vacation Trip. One lunch outing with Lori and her sister when it was time to be seated we got, "Follow me ladies." As we were standing together, rather closely, I was included in that statement. Spoiled a bit later when my wife was talking to the waitress about her t-shirt and she (Lori) pointed and me and said, "I got it for him"  O.o It didn't bother me but it would have been nice to see how far I got just being 'one of the ladies' ... probably nowhere but one can dream.

4- Finally got my blood work straight at PP. They are reviewing and will call back regarding prescription changes or not.

5- less, and more, to add .. summation, where I am at is likely how the rest of my life will be. Better than where I was, not where I want to be. I have to learn to live with it.



I know, not the 'stories' that people look to reading. I am just a boring abnormal person not a literary genius.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: davina61 on June 22, 2018, 03:03:22 PM
[quote author=Faith link=topic=230421.msg2147603#msg2147603 date=1529685115

I know, not the 'stories' that people look to reading. I am just a boring abnormal person not a literary genius.
[/quote] Join the club (the Susans club!!)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 22, 2018, 07:58:07 PM
Hi Faith,
Awesome text from your sister in law. Obviously no issues with her accepting you and she is making an effort to retrain her brain to learn your new name so that she doesn't make a mistake. Can't ask for more than that.

I'm glad PP has finally got your blood work sorted. How long do you expect before hearing anything from them regarding prescription changes?

You are far from a boring person. Abnormal? Well.........who wants to be normal, that would be boring! [emoji12] And I am glad you are not a literary genius, if you were I probably would understand you. I look forward to reading your updates. Keep them coming as often as you like.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 23, 2018, 07:56:58 AM
hey y'all. I really having trouble assimilating comments and typing out replies. Sometimes I am blank right from the start, other times a whole reply flashes through me head and by the time I put fingers to keyboard it's all blank again. I've also been very clumsy lately, like coordination is off + eyesight depth perception is wrong. Knocking things over and such. Last night I set something down on the counter .. the counter wasn't there, it went straight to the floor.

PP and blood work .. sorted? NOT!. They reviewed the blood work and called me back. "Oh, we're so sorry. they only did the lipid tests, which look great by the way, they did not do the full Comprehensive Metabolic Panel. We need you to come in again for another blood draw."

So, on my perfectly nice Friday with 8.5hrs of overtime, I had to leave early to get to them before they close. They're 2nd 'free' redo blood draw cost me $100 off my paycheck.  GRRRRRRR



speaking of overtime, For you techies out there, I'll describe why I had OT.

As some of you may recall, we ordered and installed a new SAN (network and DA storage), server, assorted switch. It was installed and configured in the nice brand new shiny tech area. oo pretty.

On Wed, it was a fairly good day for me, things went well, I felt good, low humidity. I got home and felt well enough to mow our yard. 2 hours later (on a small rider, large yard) and my required shower, I notice the blinky light on my phone.

I check messages, well that new server had a glitch, the techs on-hand restarted it all improperly. I was going to have to check the whole system for issues. but WAIT, I had some email come in .. equipment unreachable via network. After the 4th such showed up in the space of a few minutes I remembered that the monitoring app that I use on my phone was still off for vacation.

I restart the app and buzz .. buzz .. 60+ alerts about failed equipment. No recourse, I'm beat and tired but I have to go back in to work.

I get there, open the tech door and I am greeted by a missing ceiling tile, exposed drain pipe, a waterfall running down the last rack of equipment onto the floor where the missing tile was mush in a huge puddle. Yep, the last rack was the main switch stack (3-4 months old) and the new san, operational for maybe a week.

My counterpart shows up just as I am recovering and she goes into shock as well. Standing there gaping.

While gathering a tarp and such to deflect the water and clean up a bit, mind is racing. How to get things back online for the morning shift. 1 switch dead, server storage head dead, everything full of water and could die at any time.

Click, click, brain goes into recovery mode. Despite my recent muddled thinking I get it sorted. My brain is auto-mode when it comes to computers and network. I can be totally miserable and do computer work.

1st step - pull the wet/dead stuff. At least half gallon of water out of two pieces of equipment .. I didn't know there was enough room in there for that much water.

2nd step - while my counterpart does the clean-up I go off to prep an older switch to swap out with a (completely separate) new switch in another part of the building - which just happens to be new. I swap them out and reset the new switch to insert into the stack replacing the failed switch. OO pretty lights as it all comes online. A few dead ports on the 2nd switch, nothing I can do about that.

3rd step - replace the new server. We don't have one. WAIT, our old SAN!! I had built out a new'ish server (I was going to use it for archival). It's already set up for connecting to a SAN. We just need to use the 10G card from the dead one .. luckily for us, the card is still good. Do all the reconfiguration set up shares and up we go.

4th step - Plug in the redundant power (which has a tripped breaker). I get to the last power cord, plug it in and POP, there goes another breaker. One working switch, 2nd power supply. I pull the power supply out and a cup of water pours out onto the floor. Why was that thing working at all? Glad it was though, I didn't have another one to swap out.

By 4 am everything is clean, dry .. except inside some of it .. (tarp still hanging, jic) and fully operational. Time to go home and go to bed, which I did and back to work by 8 am to follow-up on anything that might have been missed or failed.

Yes, everyone knows that you don't install equipment under any plumbing, our 'bosses' didn't care, "it'll be OK" .. yep, it was fine :/  They haven't learned a thing, they pan on installing our new VOIP phone system in another room .. under the upstairs bathrooms that have already been known to leak .. AND .. has a warranty clause tht invalidates the warranty if installed under plumbing.

What happened? combination. A new cleaning crew used a 'never used' utility closet to empty a mop bucket. Well, that mop bucket missed. The drain was fine but the floor outside the drain had crack, the water went under the basin, down the pipe and into the new server room.

equipment damage? eh, no big deal. We have the whole rack approved and ordered for replacement ... only about $70,000.

ps. one 'boss' though that we could clean up the wet equipment with a spray cleaner O.o




That's enough spewing for today, I guess I had to get that out somewhere. lucky you, you got the read it .. or you got seriously bored, skimmed, and moved on as fast as your mouse could click 'next topic'
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 23, 2018, 08:07:32 AM
Read it all, understood a fraction of it. Electronics and water don't mix — got it! Management think they know more than the experts they employ — standard in every industry. SAN — the big bright thing in the sky, oh wait, that's a SUN....ummm, lost me there. Sounds like an eventful day for you.

Sorry you keep getting messed around with your blood tests. What a pain! What's up with the dropping things and not feeling quite right? Anything to be worried about or just a clumsy day?

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 23, 2018, 10:09:44 AM
QuoteSAN
Storage Area Network - basically a bunch of hard drives hooked together accessible by bunches of people, instead of just one like when you plug in an external drive or usb thumb drive. This particular SAN is 120TB Rather small but sufficient. Our old one was ~80TB

confused/mush head?  I don't know, been that way a month or so, varying in degrees.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on June 23, 2018, 10:31:39 AM
Quote from: Faith on June 23, 2018, 07:56:58 AM
What happened? combination. A new cleaning crew used a 'never used' utility closet to empty a mop bucket. Well, that mop bucket missed. The drain was fine but the floor outside the drain had crack, the water went under the basin, down the pipe and into the new server room.

equipment damage? eh, no big deal. We have the whole rack approved and ordered for replacement ... only about $70,000.

ps. one 'boss' though that we could clean up the wet equipment with a spray cleaner O.o
Faith,
I think one (now hopefully former and well insured) cleaning crew and "boss" both need to be "hosed."

I know, me bad - but it helps me keep my SANity.

Susan
ps. I know that disappearing counter trick, too. Well, the floor needed mopping anyway :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Dena on June 23, 2018, 12:12:47 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on June 23, 2018, 08:07:32 AM
Electronics and water don't mix — got it!
Actually they do sometimes. When they stopped using freon as a cleaner, there was the problem of how do you get the solder flux off the board after your done with assembly. The solution was water soluble flux. It works great however you need to let the board fully dry out before applying power.

Second story. One of our units was submerged under around 10 feet of water due to a flood. The customer set it to us and we sent out a replacement. After replacing the parts that would be damaged by water, the unit functioned perfectly. However that wasn't the end of the story. We tracked every board we produced and had a sheet of paper documenting the history of each board. The boards were recycled into a maintenance unit and sent to another customer where it latter failed. It seemed that under the water pressure the water had seeped into the chips between the case and the legs later causing the chip to fail. After that, all the boards from that unit were pulled out of the units and scrapped.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 24, 2018, 08:03:12 AM
you can't trust electronics that got wet unless they're designed for it ... then be skeptical.
If they don't surprise you with a quick failure they'll pester you with undiagnosable errors and problems.


On to life topics.


I had to work on my El Camino yesterday. Hot, sweaty, icky. Lori came home at lunch and I mentioned not feeling girlie from it and I should dress up for her for when she got home. Well, she got home while I was still in the shower. I finished my prep and threw on my light-weight long dress and shawl. Laurie, it's the one you saw me in when you visited.

We discussed dinner, not really in the budget but then ... Lori burned her dinner, then she dropped her bread on our nasty dog-hair littered floor. It was a sign, we go to dinner.

I asked her to pick out something for me to wear. She tossed it back to me saying whatever I want. grrr. Then as she waked down the hallway to change she hollered back, just wear what you have on.

hmm, I had to think long about that one. In the meantime, I put on my face and stuff. Still wearing the dress, we're at the front steps ready to load in to the car. She say, "Last chance to change your mind".  Nope, I loaded up. I'm going to do this.

We chatted a bit about it on the way. She was fine, I was nervous. We get there and park, I'm walking slowly toward the restaurant. She asked if I wanted to change my mind .. nope. On we go.

I saw one woman check me out twice and one ?gentleman? watch me come in. Lori says one other man was checking me out all night - probably trying to figure me out.

All said and done, an evening of 'This way ladies' and 'how are we doing ladies' goes a long way even if it was out of politeness.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on June 24, 2018, 09:57:17 AM
Quote from: Faith on June 24, 2018, 08:03:12 AMAll said and done, an evening of 'This way ladies' and 'how are we doing ladies' goes a long way even if it was out of politeness.

Sqeeeee!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on June 24, 2018, 10:22:59 AM
Quote from: Faith on June 24, 2018, 08:03:12 AM
All said and done, an evening of 'This way ladies' and 'how are we doing ladies' goes a long way even if it was out of politeness.
Way to go, Faith!  Isn't it great to get gendered correctly, for whatever reason?  A little politeness goes a long way.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 24, 2018, 03:24:09 PM
Yay! You go girl! Congrats on not changing your mind.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on June 24, 2018, 03:55:02 PM
Hi Faith and Lori,

  First I admit I was a bit behind on your thread. It happens more now that I have a girlfriend in another state. I read your account of the server/san debacle and I understood it fully having had to deal with similar catastrophes with as high or possibly higher priorities. I had some large national accounts to maintain not to mention those I was asked to fly into to help as tech support. So yes I can commiserate such happenings with you Hun.
  I am also pleased that Lorie suggested you wear the dress and shawl for your impromptu dinner out you two enjoyed. I remember that uncertainty of being in a dress in public, but like my first time, yours was an uneventful evening with proper gendering and I hope a good meal. That is as it should be. I hope you have many more evenings out like this one. As long as no one gets in your face, then it doesn't matter if they look or not. You are who you are Faith, be proud of that. I am proud of you for doing it.

Love & hugs for you and Lori,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 25, 2018, 11:39:45 AM
Quote... It happens more now that I have a girlfriend in another state ...
-=SQUEEEeeee=-

I accept your reasons, you are excused from having to pay close attention to my life occurrences.

Back to work today. I stopped in to say hi to someone who's been helping me with 'female advice and options and critiques'. I stopped in, she looked at me and said,"You must be cold" ... uh ohh .. umm. Yes cold, typical. I looked down and said," doesn't it just look like I'm extra buff and muscled?". Her answer? "NOPE!" with verbal exclamation marks.

Well, it might just be time to do some compression wrapping :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on June 25, 2018, 11:49:20 AM
Quote from: Faith on June 25, 2018, 11:39:45 AM
-=SQUEEEeeee=-

I accept your reasons, you are excused from having to pay close attention to my life occurrences.

Back to work today. I stopped in to say hi to someone who's been helping me with 'female advice and options and critiques'. I stopped in, she looked at me and said,"You must be cold" ... uh ohh .. umm. Yes cold, typical. I looked down and said," doesn't it just look like I'm extra buff and muscled?". Her answer? "NOPE!" with verbal exclamation marks.

Well, it might just be time to do some compression wrapping :P

Compression wrapping no no no. Those girls just want to have fun. Tray a bra with slight padding or a bralette if you must restrain them. If you do decide to wrap them up then don't make is very tight. You don't want to be uncomfortable.

Hey say hi to Lori for me.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 25, 2018, 11:54:12 AM
Quote from: Laurie on June 25, 2018, 11:49:20 AM
Compression wrapping no no no. Those girls just want to have fun. Tray a bra with slight padding or a bralette if you must restrain them. If you do decide to wrap them up then don't make is very tight. You don't want to be uncomfortable.

Hey say hi to Lori for me.

Hugs,
  Laurie

it was tongue-in-cheek .. hence the :P .. I have no intention of wrapping them up, I've worked to hard to get them. Gots to show dem off  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on June 25, 2018, 11:59:25 AM
Whew! You expect me to be able to differentiate those itsy bitsy smiley faces with my old eyes? Suuurre...

hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 25, 2018, 12:13:42 PM
Quote from: Laurie on June 25, 2018, 11:59:25 AM
Whew! You expect me to be able to differentiate those itsy bitsy smiley faces with my old eyes? Suuurre...

hugs,
  Laurie

maybe you need better spectacles instead of being one?  :O
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on June 25, 2018, 12:17:40 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 25, 2018, 12:13:42 PM
maybe you need better spectacles instead of being one?  :O

[emoji50]

You do realize you said that out loud, right?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 25, 2018, 12:38:23 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 25, 2018, 12:17:40 PM
[emoji50]

You do realize you said that out loud, right?

**GASP**
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on June 25, 2018, 12:50:24 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 25, 2018, 12:13:42 PM
maybe you need better spectacles instead of being one?  :O

  I think someone is asking for refrigerator time...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 25, 2018, 12:57:57 PM
Quote from: Laurie on June 25, 2018, 12:50:24 PM
  I think someone is asking for refrigerator time...

my browser had a sarcastic sentence auto-complete .. I forgot to disable it. I'm innocent!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on June 25, 2018, 01:12:38 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 25, 2018, 12:57:57 PM
my browser had a sarcastic sentence auto-complete .. I forgot to disable it. I'm innocent!!

Innocent huh? And I suppose Lori would collaborate that fiction?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 25, 2018, 01:42:48 PM
Quote from: Laurie on June 25, 2018, 01:12:38 PM
Innocent huh? And I suppose Lori would collaborate that fiction?

No, she can't. Lori doesn't know anything about computers. I just asked my web guy and he confirmed it for me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 25, 2018, 04:42:33 PM
Hi Faith, I'm not sure you will see this message anytime soon. You may be on top of the fridge without ready access to a computer! [emoji12]

On the off chance that you escaped the fridge-top time-out, I'd like to say that I'm glad you were joking about the compression wrapping. Not comfortable! I tried that a few times to help ease my wife into the idea that I now have boobs. I now wear a not so comfortable crop top sports bra to work and when going out in public with my wife. Apart from the physical discomfort, there is also a little mental distress from knowingly hiding who I am. You are passed the stage of needing to hide, so show those girls off! [emoji16]

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 25, 2018, 05:00:07 PM
bah .. no fridge top for me.

Now to find some of those pastries I hear tell about ...............................
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on June 25, 2018, 05:05:57 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 25, 2018, 05:00:07 PM
bah .. no fridge top for me.

Now to find some of those pastries I hear tell about ...............................

Cookies?! Omm nomm nomm...


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: mm on June 26, 2018, 12:02:17 PM
Jayne01, the day is coming when a sports bra will no longer hide them and they will just be there on your chest/
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 27, 2018, 04:06:53 PM
made it through a typical day at work, migrating some network switches. Tedious but it did make the time go by quick.

My phone buzzed at one point, Lori txt'ed .. a $50+ prescription was ready. I told her it' must be hers, one of hers is pricey.

Sitting at home, Lori comes home for 'lunch' (evening shift today) with the prescriptions .. both for me. An additional 1 1/2 months of estradiol and .. 3 months of spironolactone  :icon_joy:  Of course, I took one with my evening batch. No waiting for a day to start, nuh uhh

test results still aren't showing up on the Quest website. I'll have to call PP and ask them what's up.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on June 27, 2018, 04:53:20 PM
 YAY Faith full speed ahead. Damn the torpedoes and all that rot. Jolly good show.

  It is good to see you interacting a bit more with us here. We like having you around. Okay okay I have hopes of conversing with Lori but you are part of that package I guess. Don't let the alligators eat the dogs.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on June 27, 2018, 05:03:23 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 27, 2018, 04:06:53 PM3 months of spironolactone  :icon_joy: 
Yay, congratulations, Faith!  Nice to whack that old T in the nuts (literally).
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 27, 2018, 05:12:05 PM
Yay!!!! Faith, congrats on finally getting the spiro. Make sure to drink lots of fluids and have fun with extra nightly trips to the bathroom! [emoji16][emoji16][emoji16][emoji16][emoji16] I take my pill in the morning, which helps minimise waking up in the middle of the night to pee.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 27, 2018, 05:37:39 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on June 27, 2018, 05:03:23 PM
Yay, congratulations, Faith!  Nice to whack that old T in the nuts (literally).

I don't play whack-a-mole ... but this game I'll play :D

Quote from: Jayne01 on June 27, 2018, 05:12:05 PM
Yay!!!! Faith, congrats on finally getting the spiro. Make sure to drink lots of fluids and have fun with extra nightly trips to the bathroom! [emoji16][emoji16][emoji16][emoji16][emoji16] I take my pill in the morning, which helps minimize waking up in the middle of the night to pee.

Hugs,
Jayne

twice a day instructions, I don't think I can avoid the nightlies. As long as I get out of bed before pee'ing, I'm good.

I keep gallons of water at my desk at work, no problem there. Also, I have low potassium and since Spiro helps retain it .. that's a plus. Maybe I can get off the potassium prescription.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 29, 2018, 11:48:59 AM
Not much to follow up with. Sitting at work trying not to think or do anything because .. IT's FRIDAY!!

I avoided checking my hair for a while, last night I checked. there is no question that part of my receding line has filled in on each side. Quite well I might add (I did add :P ) ... WOOT
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on June 29, 2018, 07:33:19 PM
It's SATURDAY!!!!! Well it is for me anyway. [emoji16] Unfortunately I have to work tonight and tomorrow night, so my weekend doesn't start for another two days. However, enjoy your weekend!

Congrats on the hair starting to fill in.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on June 29, 2018, 11:28:17 PM
Quote from: Faith on June 29, 2018, 11:48:59 AM
Not much to follow up with. Sitting at work trying not to think or do anything because .. IT's FRIDAY!!

I avoided checking my hair for a while, last night I checked. there is no question that part of my receding line has filled in on each side. Quite well I might add (I did add :P ) ... WOOT

  It is indeed Friday and I know that work ethic well. Okay so I kind of remember it. It has been awhile and I'm not getting any younger.

  Congrats on the new follicle foliage. Faith

  As always say hi to your best half and give her a hug for me please.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on June 30, 2018, 06:52:03 PM
another day gone. I had to strip some siding off the house and replace it. Behind the AC unit .. it really ate it up. Too much rain this year to let it slide. At least I can still do it .. it killed me though.

On a plus, I got "lady'ed" tonight ... at Home Depot no less :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on June 30, 2018, 08:11:34 PM
Hi Faith,

Make sure to eat salt when on Spiro.

When I went off Spiro two days before GCS I figured I would be ok as I had been high on Potassium at every blood check. I had almost no potassium during the operation. I was checked just prior to the operation and when they added the saline to increase my BP ( I have very low blood pressure due to the type of exercise I do)  my blood potassium dropped and I had extremely low blood pressure (53/33 and it went to 50/30 at points).

Anyhow, Spiro will spare the potassium, eat salt and if you go off spiro be very carful you do not go low potassium.

I take a quarter teaspoon of cream of tartar every day and my potassium is high but in range. I am post op and do not take spiro.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 01, 2018, 09:31:08 AM
Hey @Rachel.  Yes, I know about the salt, extra water, potassium retention. I am potassium low and take prescription supplements. I'm hoping I can stop taking them soon.



I was down 2 more pounds this morning. I guess I need to eat some fattening foods :D

a morning ¿happy? moment. Lori and I were talking (reiterating that I feel I'm on the right path, so long as she's with me). She said she's not having having any problems with the changes except the times she looks at me and sees the woman and has to do a double-take to see the guy that's she accustomed to, then think, "Oh, there 'he' is"

My hope is that some day the double-takes just go away.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on July 01, 2018, 10:38:01 AM
Hi Faith,

Thank you for your updates. I don't always have something to say but I'm still here reading with interest.

Great to see things are going well for you.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on July 01, 2018, 07:47:45 PM
Yes Faith, I am reading and have my eye on you...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 02, 2018, 07:44:42 AM
So far, a bad day. very emotionally wrung out. I feel like I could break down at any moment. Lots of negative thoughts along the line of: Why should I be an ugly woman when I can be a good looking man?

All my work today is auto-pilot, stuff I can do in my sleep. It's not enough distraction, too much time for thoughts .. and the day is early yet. It's going to be a long day.

I know this is a down post. I've promised myself to post good or bad to get it out .. so there you go, it's out. Now back to hiding.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on July 02, 2018, 01:57:17 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 02, 2018, 07:44:42 AM
So far, a bad day. very emotionally wrung out. I feel like I could break down at any moment. Lots of negative thoughts along the line of: Why should I be an ugly woman when I can be a good looking man?

All my work today is auto-pilot, stuff I can do in my sleep. It's not enough distraction, too much time for thoughts .. and the day is early yet. It's going to be a long day.

I know this is a down post. I've promised myself to post good or bad to get it out .. so there you go, it's out. Now back to hiding.

Hi Faith,

   Question girlfriend, Was that good looking man happy as things were? Have you been more at peace with yourself since you made your decision to become Faith in comparison? Do you think you can be happy without transitioning?
  All our decisions have benefits and consequences, The difficulty come in when you begin to weight these against each other. I am wagering that you did not make your decision without some very deep thought on the matter and that those benefits did outweigh the consequences or else you would not have made the decision you did.
  Now add in the Lori factor. This fine woman considered her options about the issue, weighed the pros and cons, then made her decision to stand by your side in your transition and support you all that she can. She is a gem, Faith. Talk to her.
   It all comes down to Faith is a woman. Look around you Hun. Women come in all shapes and sizes. Their looks vary with every aspect you can name. Age, social environment, peers, weather,genetics, makeup, etc. It all plays a part but Hun, when you hear that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, it is true. The phrase beauty is only skin deep has it's truth as a metaphor but it is also so wrong in another way. I prefer "Real beauty comes from within", and Faith your beauty is within. Lori sees it. Others see it. We see it.
  The battle you wage is withing yourself too, Faith. There are a wealth of strengths within you to defeat those pesky doubts and recriminations. But I have faith that you can defeat those issues and faith the you will continue to move forward with what you and Lori know you need to do. Believe in yourself, if you cannot do that talk to lori and believe in her.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on July 03, 2018, 07:26:01 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 02, 2018, 07:44:42 AM
So far, a bad day. very emotionally wrung out. I feel like I could break down at any moment. Lots of negative thoughts along the line of: Why should I be an ugly woman when I can be a good looking man?

All my work today is auto-pilot, stuff I can do in my sleep. It's not enough distraction, too much time for thoughts .. and the day is early yet. It's going to be a long day.

I know this is a down post. I've promised myself to post good or bad to get it out .. so there you go, it's out. Now back to hiding.
Sorry you had a crappy day Faith. Can you answer a question for me? What does physical appearance have to do with who you are? I am assuming you are referring to physical appearance when you mentioned an ugly woman or a good looking man. Humans come in all shapes and sizes. I am certain you already know that, but it doesn't hurt to offer you a friendly reminder.

I hope your mood improved as your day progressed and you were able to shake those negative thoughts.

I am also very glad to see you back posting updates. Good or bad, we are here for you.

(((Hug)))
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 03, 2018, 08:04:19 AM
@Laurie and @Jayne01
Thanks for the comments, logic isn't much use against emotion. I've depended on logic my whole life - I think I killed it.

Jayne,
First off, ignore the 'it doesn't matter what other people think' rhetoric.

I've never liked how I look -ever- it's a fact ... other people liked my man look (Lori included, of course). I've had my share of visual followers and, well, not groupies but you get the idea. I was/am a good-looking man by others definitions.

Now I am in flux, I don't look good on either side of the fence. I'd like to think I'm not vain but I do want to be reasonably attractive and presentable. I have no 'model' nor 'cute-teenager'  expectations. I am realistic.
Physical appearance is not about 'who I am' it's about 'how I appear'

At least today I don't have it hitting so hard and distractions are easier to come by.

I think I'm getting my words all wrong, it's very hard to explain all the crap floating around in my head. I think I'll stop there before I say something that's totally misconstrued from what I really mean.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 04, 2018, 08:15:28 AM
I could post this in the 'happy today' thread but I'm more comfortable over here in my own little corner. Last night was a step ¿forward?

It was my first dream where I was not the man I've always been. Not a women but, in my dream I was at my current stage of transition. My wife says I am starting to dream my current norm and my ''old norm' is fading away.

the 2nd part of the dream was that a female that I know accepted me to the point of changing clothes and getting dressed in front of me. That part is the wishful thinking part where I am fully accepted into my new role NOT that I have any desire to see her changing :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on July 04, 2018, 08:03:47 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 04, 2018, 08:15:28 AM
Ithe 2nd part of the dream was that a female that I know accepted me to the point of changing clothes and getting dressed in front of me.....


Being accepted for who we are is something we all seem to strive for. I know for me that being accepted for who I am is a goal I am still striving for is some place and it has been achieved in others. I think dreaming about it is another way of processing our thoughts and feelings regarding acceptance. Nice dreams like that, with those feelings, we so want, are one of the ones you wish you could capture to replay and to reinvigorate you when you are feeling down. Its not surprising we dream about the things that are important to us.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 08, 2018, 01:44:40 PM
hi Y'all (well, the one or two that bother to look in here). Popping in for a few. Things have been rather uneventful on the whole. Ups and downs, but who doesn't? A couple severe downs .. mainly the body dysphoria. I guess life wants to knock you down if things are moving too smoothly.

I've caught up a bit on the forum, skimming mostly. I can read bits and pieces but my brain gives out if there is too much detail. It may be related to my IBS/Gluten problem. One of the symptoms is 'brain-fog'. I'm definitely foggy. we won't discuss the other symptoms ... TMI   :o

I'm still fighting with PP to get a copy of my lab work. How hard is it? Aren't they mine in the first place? Next step is to drive there in person and not leave without them. They use quest and I have a Quest portal. I contacted Quest and they can't find any record of the lab work. grrr. I know they link to Quest because my very first lab results are on there. I seriously wonder if they botched the blood draw again and prescribed my current doses without them rather than admit that they screwed up.

Lori mentioned a couple things that made me feel good, lets start with the bad.

1- A/C compressor unit is falling through it's stand. The stand is made of wood and we've had lots of rain. The unit ended up leaning back towards the house causing the old siding to rot out and fall. No one makes the siding any more. I had to patch in a different style. It doesn't look horrible but I still have to straighten out the stand so that the compressor is straight. With my current luck, I'll probably break the copper freon lines.

2- Lori had problem with the rider, poor thing is old, burnt rubber and smoke from the blade belt. I figured it wore out, rolled off, and got caught. Well that much was true. I ordered new belts w/o checking. Well, the blade belt rolled off because the mounting bracket on the deck broke off. The deck is severely rusted, repair option is low. It's too old to buy a new deck. That puts us at buying a new rider ... have I mentioned having no money at any point? We took the deck to her brother's. He'll try to band-aid it if possible, if we can't get a new rider.

3- Hot, sweaty, tired. Call it a day, it looked to be ready to rain in any case. Deciding what to watch on TV as I relax, talking to Lori and ... CRASH BANG ... lightning and no more TV. It's dead. I took it apart jic but nothing obvious. That means gamble a parts swap that may not work or buy a new TV. Have I mentioned having no money?

4- We went grocery shopping to get out of the house and picked up a few items on our list. After getting back we decide to break in her new chainsaw. We'd picked an electric up recently for brush trimming (crappy pepper trees!! Overgrown weeds is what they are!). Anyway, that went OK but man I was pooped. I give in and go take a shower.

5- after the shower I hear water dripping ... hmm, .. track it down. 3 inches of water inside the A/C return duct and out into the closet area ... ARRGGGHHH ... drain was backing up. Vacuum and mop and clean change the filter (which was the wrong size, had to make it fit). Got it all back together. It's seems to be OK for now.

Saturday is done. pheww ..

Sunday morning walk, chatting with Lori, the local bike troupe starts riding by. "hello ladies", "good morning ladies" .. that's a good start to the day. Lori looked at me and said, "See, I told you".

Then she mentioned from a while back that one of our mutual ¿friends? had seen me sitting at a table by myself and had thought to herself, "Poor woman sitting there alone." and came to sit near me, for company I guess. She didn't realize it was me until I looked up straight at her.

At her brother's house last night, his wife asked Lori who she had with me, thinking another girl and didn't know who it was. Lori was like, umm .. and told her it was me. She didn't recognize me. It's been maybe 6 months?, I think, since they'd seen me.

Confirmation of change comes at odd times and in odd ways while I still see him in the mirror.

I don't know why I still end up posting but there you have it .. whomever ends up reading it, if any one.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on July 08, 2018, 03:22:02 PM
Hey there Faith,
I am still here reading.  Sorry for your run of bad luck with the AC compressor stand, house siding, ride on, tv, water leak.....did I miss anything? These things always happen at the most inopportune time.

Congrats on not being recognised by people that have previously known you. That must have been a boost to your confidence.

Keep your updates coming.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on July 08, 2018, 04:51:53 PM
Sorry to hear about all the home improvement hassles.  That stuff can be a real pain in the butt, can't it?

That is great news about how the bike group, the lady in the restaurant and your brother-in-law's wife saw you as female.  That HRT is working its magic on you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Stevi on July 08, 2018, 05:07:32 PM
Faith,

Yoohoo! I'm here keeping tabs on you, too.  Being ladied and maamed make my day brighter, too. 


Stevi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donna on July 08, 2018, 05:21:40 PM
I don't know but it's been read 20,000 time so yes we are here for you. Hope you have lots more positives and it is great not being recognized. It such an amazing feeling. Ma'am and she or her or ladies is all great. Let the miss genders go right over your head. Hopefully the little steel of breakages will pass and all will be well
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on July 08, 2018, 06:02:45 PM
I'm still here and following your progress, Faith. And as Donna said, at just over 20,000 reads, somebody's out there.

I feel the same as you do - is anyone really listening? I get very few comments, and only from a core group of friends, yet my thread is just short of 46,000 reads. Who the heck is seeing it? I'm beginning to wonder if it's bots or something.

In any case, you know there are those of us still here who care about what you're up to, so please keep posting.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 08, 2018, 06:45:19 PM
Thanks ya'll for commenting. I say y'all because some take offense to 'guys', although my usage has always been inclusive, not exclusive.

I know people read though, I get the occasional surprise 'I've been reading your thread' comments now and again. My feeling is, and has been, and expressed before ... I don't feel like part of the community. I tried posting responses whenever a thought crossed my mind after reading one but every time that I post I feel like I am interrupting and interjecting myself into someone else's conversation. On top of that, I tend to word things in a way that is misconstrued.

So, I stay in my own quiet little corner, and then feel empty because it's a quiet little corner ... I'm my own worst enemy.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on July 08, 2018, 06:59:14 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 08, 2018, 01:44:40 PM
hi Y'all (well, the one or two that bother to look in here). Popping in for a few. Things have been rather uneventful on the whole. Ups and downs, but who doesn't?

I don't know why I still end up posting but there you have it .. whomever ends up reading it, if any one.

OK enough of the pity party!   Look at the numbers, lots of readers here!  Do you need to be sent to Danielle's Positive Mindset thread for a while? 

Unfortunately dear it seems life has been throwing curve balls at you, but you're still standing!  Chin up, another day is coming and bad times don't last.  But you certainly will, we have Faith in you.  (bad pun intended)
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donna on July 08, 2018, 07:14:54 PM
Faith I don't think there is a person here that at one time or another has not felt exactly the same am I intruding, am I interrupting. Believe me you are not alone and if you think you offend most very likely don't take it that way. The "guy thing" being one of those issue we all run into al the time. We do it with family and friends all our lives. If you go with "hey guy" then there will be push back but for the most part I take that guy thing as a term of endearment and not a slight.
You are here and you have not been asked to leave as you for sure are part of the community. We all post thoughts and comments it's what the site is about.
Talk with us, PM those that accept, myself included. We are all unique individuals and we all will work together for a common goal.
Acceptance, understanding and moving forward along our own chosen path. What ever that may be without judgement and criticism.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on July 08, 2018, 07:22:05 PM
You really have had a it all pile in on you at once...What is it with things going wrong around your house it can never happen one at a time and when you have the means to repair it.

From your description of others reaction to you, it sounds like you have changed substantially and are being read as just " another woman". That is fantastic...you are doing really well but unfortunately all you can see is him...I understand how difficult that is to deal with constantly... The hardest part is getting your head to catch up with your actual appearance. In your case other women see you as "Just another woman" so it seems you do look far better than you think, this disconnect between how we think we present to the world and how we actually present to the world seems to be  common amongst those who transition. This is something I also struggle with...we are always the last to see her and banish him. I would not say "he" is totally gone from my life but I have been slowly able to see more of her over the last 2 months than the previous 50 years.  I still have plenty of days where all I can see is him...it is getting better but it still sucks when you feel that way.

I enjoy reading your thread although I don't always comment.  :D


Take care

Liz

 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 09, 2018, 07:21:19 AM
I honestly think it's just weight-loss (50 lbs and counting) and the way I dress. I do OK from a distance, up close - nope - proximity gives me away. If I speak it's a dead giveaway. My features are still too masculine, likely always will be. I have to learn to live with it or wear a bag.

Positive mindset?

I am positive my mind is set. My face and body are set too, unfortunately they are set the wrong way ...  :-\
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on July 09, 2018, 07:51:57 AM
You may be surprised Faith. I still don't see any serious changes in myself, but others are saying, "oh, yeah!" So patience is called for (she said while drumming her fingers on the table, impatiently waiting for FFS and GCS.)


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donna on July 09, 2018, 07:26:30 PM
Faith, I have been onmeds since October and estrogen since January. I've done nothing to my face other than lose weight. I wear light make up and lipstick but even natural no one recognizes me. Don't write off your appearance as you may look way different to others. The day will come when you are sitting looking in a mirror and you won't recognize who is looking back. Believe me it happens and it's what others are seeing in you until you see it.
I have lived in this complex for 15 years and I managed it for 6 and I can walk anywhere around here and not a single person who hasn't already meet Donna doesn't even recognize me. I have. A very deep voice and what you see in my avatar is what everyone sees and I'm living as a female now with out a question and in most cases a second glance from anyone. You will be able to do the same when your ready but most of all
Just be yourself and be true to you
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 11, 2018, 07:45:53 AM
had a Dr visit yesterday with my primary care, follow-up on my kidney problem and gluten intolerance. All my pointers have improved, overall general health is good. Downside, borderline anemic. I'm changing my B12 supplement to help it. Hoping liquid will absorb better than tablets (due to my intestines not absorbing things well). At least the malnutrition diagnosis went away.

I officially lost another 7+ lbs. That's less than my 50 lb estimate but I am bouncing from 156 - 162 so there's lots of leeway there. That's since the end of Oct 2017. I am no longer trying to lose weight, just maintain. I exercise for abdomen and glutes. Glutes are hard to work on because my knees are weak :(

Went to the local park to play some music last night, it was a good night. No special dress-up, just shorts and a t-shirt.

I started wearing a bra to work under my thinner tops, not much choice there. I don't want to get called into HR for 'inappropriate dress'. There's other girls that got reprimanded for showing too much, umm, everything :P

I'm still waffling at wearing a skirt on Friday (casual day). I've chickened out 3 times already. I'm a wuss.

I'm feeling a little more relaxed. I'm not sure if it's just one of those swings or if my overall mood is settling down finally.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on July 11, 2018, 04:53:28 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 11, 2018, 07:45:53 AM
had a Dr visit yesterday with my primary care, follow-up on my kidney problem and gluten intolerance. All my pointers have improved, overall general health is good. Downside, borderline anemic. I'm changing my B12 supplement to help it. Hoping liquid will absorb better than tablets (due to my intestines not absorbing things well). At least the malnutrition diagnosis went away.

I officially lost another 7+ lbs. That's less than my 50 lb estimate but I am bouncing from 156 - 162 so there's lots of leeway there. That's since the end of Oct 2017. I am no longer trying to lose weight, just maintain. I exercise for abdomen and glutes. Glutes are hard to work on because my knees are weak :(

Went to the local park to play some music last night, it was a good night. No special dress-up, just shorts and a t-shirt.

I started wearing a bra to work under my thinner tops, not much choice there. I don't want to get called into HR for 'inappropriate dress'. There's other girls that got reprimanded for showing too much, umm, everything :P

I'm still waffling at wearing a skirt on Friday (casual day). I've chickened out 3 times already. I'm a wuss.

I'm feeling a little more relaxed. I'm not sure if it's just one of those swings or if my overall mood is settling down finally.
Thanks for the update Faith. Happy to hear your general health is good, following your doctor appointment. Keep up the good work with maintaining your weight and exercise. I seem to be stuck around 80kg (176lb). Admittedly, I don't exercise anywhere near as much as I should, so only have myself to blame.

Don't be to hard on yourself for not wearing a skirt to work. You will do it when you feel comfortable and the time is right for you.

Glad your feeling more relaxed. It seems like you are starting to settle into a new normal.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on July 11, 2018, 07:01:30 PM
Congratulations on the weightloss...I know from personal experience how tough that can be. Although being diagnosed as malnourished is never good either!.


I have been living fulltime for over a year and I still have days when my confidence is so shot that I won't wear a skirt. This used to happen all the time but eventually I wore the skirt and I lost the fear that went with it. You may well be pleasantly surprised by peoples reactions I know I was.


I hope whatever positive changes you are experiencing are of the permanent variety. Enjoy your casual day and who know's you may even garner the courage to wear that skirt  ;) because life is too short to be left wanting.  :)


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 12, 2018, 10:24:50 AM
Lori sent me a text this morning that I have to totally disagree with.

She typed, "I feel so good, so good I got you"

I really think it's the other way around.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on July 12, 2018, 10:40:41 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 12, 2018, 10:24:50 AM
Lori sent me a text this morning that I have to totally disagree with.

She typed, "I feel so good, so good I got you"

I really think it's the other way around.

They're not mutually exclusive. Good for you both.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on July 12, 2018, 11:26:32 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 12, 2018, 10:24:50 AM
Lori sent me a text this morning that I have to totally disagree with.

She typed, "I feel so good, so good I got you"

I really think it's the other way around.
What a nice disagreement to have! 

My wife and I regularly argue about which of us is luckier.  I know that I am.  She disagrees.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on July 12, 2018, 04:00:40 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on July 12, 2018, 10:40:41 AM
They're not mutually exclusive. Good for you both.

Stephanie
I'll second Stephanie's emotion - good for you both. You are good for Lori and she is good for you. Love is a powerful thing.

I know I could not have become the woman I am - nor you the woman you are - without our best friends and the loves of our lives at our sides; hand in hand facing the unknown together. Meeting Lori turned out to be a huge blessing that changed your life forever.

Susan
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 13, 2018, 10:32:17 AM
Lori has me beat on the acceptance and tolerance and .. well, etc, etc. I am most definitely on the receiving side of more luck than I deserve. I forget the topic of conversation, something about something I did (of course) that she does better (doesn't do?)... anyway, my answer was a straight out, "That's because you're a better person than I am" .... OOO .. unintended brownie points. Seriously, I said it because I meant it, not to curry favor :P


At work today, You would think that HR would at least try to utilize correct pronouns and addresses. I know I am not trying to enforce it but you'd think they, at the least, would try on their own.

Maybe it's time for a conversation about name and pronouns at work. How far can I push it w/o legal name change.


crappy day today, not emotionally. I woke up with my neck and mid back all messed up. Misery does not make for a happy mood.

ok, that's it. I wouldn't update at all but I keep getting nasty messages when I don't post anything .. downright mean and vicious .. huh?, wha??, me exaggerate ??  pshaw !!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on July 13, 2018, 01:59:08 PM
  Hey! Get it right, I am not mean and vicious, I am meanrotten. And I haven't been bugging you for updates.... (though seeing one every so often is nice)

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on July 13, 2018, 07:08:16 PM
I appreciate your updates faith even if @Laurie doesn't...and she can claim to be mean and rotten all she wants but I know its not true.


Wow I would have thought HR would be the one place to have their stuff together about pronouns...I think you should give them a gentle nudge in the right direction and see how they respond...might get you further than you expect...hopefully.


Hope your day is getting better and not so crappy...sounds like you are in great hands.


Take care


Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 16, 2018, 07:44:20 AM
long weekend. I spent all day Sat mowing with a dinky little push mower. Ground so wet that I had to skip a lot due to deep puddles, not to mention (but I will) I had to pull the mower, not push it. If I tried to push it would just sink in and stall out. Where's my magically appearing brand new rider? I did take frequent breaks, lots of water, and lots of salt - copiously sprinkled on some good-eatin' apples. Overall I felt pretty good that evening so I did something right.

Sunday I spent being lazy. Lori was home and we had the grand-baby. I wouldn't have minded getting out of the house but my legs hurt soooo badly. Oh, I didn't mention @gothique11 jinxed me with the leg cramps topic. Fri night I woke up practically screaming from a cramp in my right calf. The left was right behind in trying but didn't actually go into full cramp mode.  I am still limping today despite lots of stretches.

I had two bouts of body triggers this weekend, I distracted myself quickly before it took hold. My mirror still screams -=DUDE=- ... I hate mirrors ... Maybe if I comb my hair from back to front covering my face. Then no one would have to be subjected to it. Being blind from massive hair covering my eyes would solve that mirror problem as well.

And, here I am back at work. Over-tired, again, and wanting to be home (so I can be lazy again). I'd be lazy at work but it makes the day drag out too long. I only half did my face, everything was arguing with me. My hair is a disaster and uneven.

is it over?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 16, 2018, 08:50:48 AM
minor progress update(s).

Lori showed me yesterday that she changed my contact name to Faith. cool :)

During our 'walk' I mentioned my bouts of dysphoria. She said, "You are a guy" meaning my body shape. She followed it up with, "But you're a girl to me and I'm OK with that".

mixed feelings on that one, certainly not a dysphoric ending comment.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on July 17, 2018, 01:06:08 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 16, 2018, 08:50:48 AM
minor progress update(s).

Lori showed me yesterday that she changed my contact name to Faith. cool :)

During our 'walk' I mentioned my bouts of dysphoria. She said, "You are a guy" meaning my body shape. She followed it up with, "But you're a girl to me and I'm OK with that".

mixed feelings on that one, certainly not a dysphoric ending comment.
Hay Faith. That is great! Lori is so accepting of you. You are still in the early stages of HRT. You are currently in an androgynous stage where you could pass either male or female, depending how you choose to dress.  Lori's kind has already passed beyond that stage and sees you as a girl. You can't get much better acceptance than that.

I hope your dysphoric periods are becoming less frequent and less severe.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on July 17, 2018, 03:40:02 AM
Hi Lori

Your fighting with the push mower reminded me of the times I spend struggling with them. Mowing the lawns just about always triggers my dysphoria...I relate it to my previous role in life and no matter how hard I try to disavow myself from the association I always fail.


That was a really supportive thing for Lori to say and shows how much she is in your court. The thing about my body shape that usually annoys me, is the silhouette, as it is typically male. This is  quite often the first thing that alerts us to someone's gender. One of my HRT Dr's was especially hot on this topic and keen to see her MTF lose weight and change their silhouette to a more feminie one as she felt it was very important in trying to help us achieve our body feminisation goals. We may never get that hourglass look but there is plenty we can do to move our silhouette from male to female.... The other thing that will help of course, is time on HRT...my understanding is that the body changes slowly and does not move fat around but distributes it in a different pattern than it used too, so you have to lose the weight first from the places you don't want it, before it can go back on in the places you do want it.


Take care


Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 20, 2018, 09:03:31 AM
Hey Ya'll, it's been a few days.  I see lots up 'up' moments, Steph, Jayne, Laurie, any others. Too many to list but you're in my head. Congrats, you deserve them. I wish I had more up moments. What I mean by that is serious, womanly up, moments. I feel like I'm stuck in one place. Most of the time I still feel like I am in a disguise rather than removing one, even though it feels right. Don't get me wrong, my mood is mostly good right now. Just not bouncy / bubbly.

Liz, referring to silhouette, I don't know about a facial silhouette, I suppose I should take a profile (side view, not forum) and make it a silhouette just to see. I do know that my body shadow is always feminine looking now. Too bad it's not reflected in the mirror.

Not much going on for me. I did have a couple smile moments. Lori and I went out to eat, I was dressed simple with no make-up, and she was ordering for me. She said, "Blah for him" I don't remember what. I don't get worked up or enforce pronouns for Lori. She will when she's ready or she won't, doesn't matter to me .. but I digress .. The waitress replied with, "Blah for her, got it". Smile moment.

Second moment was at work, totally unexpected. A guy I work with was talking to me and said my name a couple times. He stopped and looked at me and asked, "Is there a different name I should use? Calling you -=name=- just seems weird".  I guess to him I don't fit  -=name=- any more. Smile moment.

Well, that sums it up. I wasn't even going to post it. Compared to other peoples experiences on here, mine aren't worth reading. But there you go.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on July 20, 2018, 09:58:54 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 20, 2018, 09:03:31 AM
Not much going on for me. I did have a couple smile moments. Lori and I went out to eat, I was dressed simple with no make-up, and she was ordering for me. She said, "Blah for him" I don't remember what. I don't get worked up or enforce pronouns for Lori. She will when she's ready or she won't, doesn't matter to me .. but I digress .. The waitress replied with, "Blah for her, got it". Smile moment.

Second moment was at work, totally unexpected. A guy I work with was talking to me and said my name a couple times. He stopped and looked at me and asked, "Is there a different name I should use? Calling you -=name=- just seems weird".  I guess to him I don't fit  -=name=- any more. Smile moment.

Well, that sums it up. I wasn't even going to post it. Compared to other peoples experiences on here, mine aren't worth reading. But there you go.

Faith, hun, we celebrate all successes, big or small.  The waitress and the guy at work are both victories.  Thank you for posting about them.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on July 20, 2018, 09:59:04 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 20, 2018, 09:03:31 AM
Hey Ya'll, it's been a few days.  I see lots up 'up' moments, Steph, Jayne, Laurie, any others. Too many to list but you're in my head. Congrats, you deserve them. I wish I had more up moments. What I mean by that is serious, womanly up, moments. I feel like I'm stuck in one place. Most of the time I still feel like I am in a disguise rather than removing one, even though it feels right. Don't get me wrong, my mood is mostly good right now. Just not bouncy / bubbly.

Liz, referring to silhouette, I don't know about a facial silhouette, I suppose I should take a profile (side view, not forum) and make it a silhouette just to see. I do know that my body shadow is always feminine looking now. Too bad it's not reflected in the mirror.

Not much going on for me. I did have a couple smile moments. Lori and I went out to eat, I was dressed simple with no make-up, and she was ordering for me. She said, "Blah for him" I don't remember what. I don't get worked up or enforce pronouns for Lori. She will when she's ready or she won't, doesn't matter to me .. but I digress .. The waitress replied with, "Blah for her, got it". Smile moment.

Second moment was at work, totally unexpected. A guy I work with was talking to me and said my name a couple times. He stopped and looked at me and asked, "Is there a different name I should use? Calling you -=name=- just seems weird".  I guess to him I don't fit  -=name=- any more. Smile moment.

Well, that sums it up. I wasn't even going to post it. Compared to other peoples experiences on here, mine aren't worth reading. But there you go.

Well I love hearing about those moments! Keep them coming. The waitress correcting your wife! That's gold! And your coworker is so cool. Did you let him start calling you your real name?

As for Blah, I usually avoid it except for restaurants that specialize in it. Otherwise you might get Blegh.


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on July 20, 2018, 10:12:28 AM
Hi, Faith,
I was, and to a small extent still am, my own worst enemy. In my mind and for all I did, changes seemed to be happening at a snail's pace or maybe even slower. They were not of course, but that was what I saw and felt as I kept seeing "him" looking back from the mirror. Since some of my daily routine was spent in front of the looking glass (ever tried doing make up without one?) I lacked the perspective of seeing myself as others saw me. Like a petulant child, I knew what I wanted and I wanted it all NOW.

Bask in your smile moments and trust Lori; that waitress and coworker see something you have not yet perceived. Go with it girl, it is really happening.

By the way, what did you say to the coworker?

Hugs
Susan
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 20, 2018, 10:55:37 AM
yeah yeah, I know, you all keep saying you want to hear from me. When I type my stuff out it seems so trivial and inconsequential when compared to what others have going on.

As for the coworker, I just told him to use my last name like everyone else. I suppose that would be a bit odd in direct conversation though. I've been pondering a nickname.

There is no question that I relate to Faith as a primary name, it just resonates with me. However, it sounds odd to my ears as a direct address. Since I like Nicole as my middle name, Hence Faith Nicole, I was considering having coworkers call me Nikki.  It seems to roll out better as a casual address. Any thoughts? Opinions?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on July 20, 2018, 04:47:44 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 20, 2018, 09:03:31 AM

Not much going on for me. I did have a couple smile moments. Lori and I went out to eat, I was dressed simple with no make-up, and she was ordering for me. She said, "Blah for him" I don't remember what. I don't get worked up or enforce pronouns for Lori. She will when she's ready or she won't, doesn't matter to me .. but I digress .. The waitress replied with, "Blah for her, got it". Smile moment.

Second moment was at work, totally unexpected. A guy I work with was talking to me and said my name a couple times. He stopped and looked at me and asked, "Is there a different name I should use? Calling you -=name=- just seems weird".  I guess to him I don't fit  -=name=- any more. Smile moment.

Well, that sums it up. I wasn't even going to post it. Compared to other peoples experiences on here, mine aren't worth reading. But there you go.

Hi Faith,

        >:(((((( SLAP!))))) >:(

  You deserved that Faith. Not go clean off the fridge and get yourself on up there. Lori can give you food IF she wants.

  "smile moments" are important moments for ALL of us. You relate them not just because they made you feel better but you do it for us too. By telling us you let the newer folk know that such times happen and they can happen for them too. That is calling giving "Hope" to someone else that they too can have it happen. You report it to us so that we can share your happiness with you. And it also shows that you are making progress in other's eyes. The comment by your coworker shows that part in clear detail. Faith you are getting "Male Fail" and I remember when you believed that would not ever happen. It does happen Hun and it is beginning to happen for YOU! YAY!!!!  So Faith go do as you were told and if Lori thinks you derserve it she can let you come down before bedtime.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on July 20, 2018, 05:22:25 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 20, 2018, 09:03:31 AM
Hey Ya'll, it's been a few days.  I see lots up 'up' moments, Steph, Jayne, Laurie, any others. Too many to list but you're in my head. Congrats, you deserve them. I wish I had more up moments. What I mean by that is serious, womanly up, moments. I feel like I'm stuck in one place. Most of the time I still feel like I am in a disguise rather than removing one, even though it feels right. Don't get me wrong, my mood is mostly good right now. Just not bouncy / bubbly.

Quote from: Faith on July 20, 2018, 10:55:37 AM
yeah yeah, I know, you all keep saying you want to hear from me. When I type my stuff out it seems so trivial and inconsequential when compared to what others have going on.

As for the coworker, I just told him to use my last name like everyone else. I suppose that would be a bit odd in direct conversation though. I've been pondering a nickname.

There is no question that I relate to Faith as a primary name, it just resonates with me. However, it sounds odd to my ears as a direct address. Since I like Nicole as my middle name, Hence Faith Nicole, I was considering having coworkers call me Nikki.  It seems to roll out better as a casual address. Any thoughts? Opinions?

  Okay Faith,

  On a different note and frame of mind.  That feeling of being stuck Faith is a common phase we all go through. You should remember that I expressed such thoughts myself not long before my depression set in. I probably mentioned it a few time during and after also. Sometimes there really isn't anything we can do about it so the feeling persists. But there really only seems to be one thing that we can do about it (when we can) is to get off our butts and do SOMETING. What got me moving was Michelle wanting me to get a passport. I was afraid to pursue it because of complications it could cause me. It also meant that I had to see about changing my name and gender as I was NOT going to get a passport as that grouchy old guy MeanRotten. So I did get off my butt and started the process I had to go through in order to get my passport. (I could always blame Michelle if those complications surfaced) As you know now I have changed my name and gender and have changed it on the important documents. I have a passport now..
  I have not stopped there but have gone on to open another door that will present me with other possibilities and decisions that I do not know if I am ready to make yet but that door is now open.
  That Faith is how you dispel that stuck feeling. Find a reason to get off your butt and make something happen.

  Kathy is right we celebrate all achievements, none are trivial. Stephanie is also right. We like to read about these things. How can we enjoy them with you if they are note related to us? and Yes, some things seem more of a noteworthy event but Faith they are all good and are made even better when shared.
  And the last thing. Your answer to your coworker IMHO should have been "If you would, I would like you calling me Faith." (or Nikki it is your choice) I like Faith myself because Faith is the lady I met.

  I will join others in thanking you for making the posts that you do so that we may share them with you.

  Thank you, Faith,

Hugs to you and Lori,
    Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on July 21, 2018, 04:42:34 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 20, 2018, 09:03:31 AM

Liz, referring to silhouette, I don't know about a facial silhouette, I suppose I should take a profile (side view, not forum) and make it a silhouette just to see. I do know that my body shadow is always feminine looking now. Too bad it's not reflected in the mirror.



Faith I was talking about body silhouette, its one of the ways we recognise gender. It is not something we consciously even think about but it is part of how we unconsciously recognise which gender someone is. It is also about your body shape...if you have a body shape that is distorted by being overweight/underweight it can lead to you potentially ending up being "outed". Sounds like from what you have said that you have the right shape going for you and it is not something you need to even worry about. Your latest adventures just confirm that.


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donna on July 21, 2018, 07:28:56 AM
Laurie I think that wasn't a big enough slap.
Faith we are all behind you and we all have at one time or another felt what you are feeling. Don't ever think what you are posting is trivial. Those are your words and thoughts and they are important and valid to you. None of us will ever judge your journey, only support you as we can. Goods and bads we all have them, yesterday I was thinking all the dark stuff again and it made me not like myself. Today I'm feeling much better after getting it out of my system with a long conversation.
You are the only one you need to make happy and I found early on that there are no rules to how we look, when we pass or how we are perceived. You go with what feels right and everything else will fall into place when it's ready. You can't live this new life to make anyone else happy. You can't give up your happiness to  make someone else happy.
I'm sure we have all experiance times of wondering if we are doing it right and at a point it becomes clear there is no right, there is no wrong. There is only what your journey is for you. Your journey is as unique to you as ours are to us and when we share moments good or bad we do it to show we do survive and move forward and life can be amazing.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 23, 2018, 08:08:24 AM
Busy weekend so not much happened. Had a b-day party to go to Sat at my daughter's in-laws. I confirmed what I should wear, answer: whatever suited me, no problem. Being a pool party, I opted for shorts and a pink t-shirt. I got dressed and Lori took a look ... umm ... "You need to wear a bra with that shirt" .. DOH! so, bra it was.

But then, we had to go buy a new mower that morning. By the time we got it home, unloaded, rained on, humid, sweaty, I had to change again. It sucked, I really wanted to wear the pink tee.

While at the party I had one odd, for a Dad, moment. My daughter came over to where I was sitting and whispered, "Dad, how do you get your knees so shiny? Mine are dull looking". O.O I don't know that I do anything special, well tanned and some St Ives moisturizer. I gave her my open one that was almost empty to try, it doesn't take much.

Sunday was mow the yard day, nothing girly about that. I am getting more comfortable mowing wearing short-shorts and a halter top. Other than that, I lazed around the house. I did clear coat my nails, prep for a color tonight - to be determined. I have a blue I haven't tried yet ...



OH, I should thank everyone for their replies (except Laurie's slap .. no thanks for that  >:(  :P ) I do read and assimilate the replies even if I don't answer directly.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donna on July 23, 2018, 08:13:14 AM
Way to go girl. You need to buy more pink. I have 6 pink outfits now and love them. Hey and mowing can be fun dressed for it, anything  girlish will do. So happy you have so
Much acceptance around you, what a wonderful feeling
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on July 23, 2018, 08:38:09 AM
Way to go, Faith! I love mowing the lawn now in short shorts, tank top, and a girly sun hat. Not only do I like what I see reflected in the windows as I drive by, but it's sooo much cooler than the old cargo shorts and t-shirts that were the old work uniform. And the colors!


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 23, 2018, 09:40:09 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on July 23, 2018, 08:38:09 AM
Way to go, Faith! I love mowing the lawn now in short shorts, tank top, and a girly sun hat. Not only do I like what I see reflected in the windows as I drive by, but it's sooo much cooler than the old cargo shorts and t-shirts that were the old work uniform. And the colors!
Stephanie

HEY STEPH!! I've been 'watching' you ... good stuff going on in your thread and up thar in the cold north where you live.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 24, 2018, 09:15:56 AM
I was going to post in the happy/unhappy thread, but I couldn't find it.

Everything this morning normal routine, now. Make coffee, head to the bathroom to primp, dress, eat breakfast, pop pills, etc. etc.

The good ...
I got dressed, nice flowing slacks I hadn't worn in a while, new (to me) top (medium V?) that would show cleavage if I had any. It does accent that I have something in there. Nice light-weight sweater ¿wrap? (no buttons) to cover my wide shoulders. All in all, a very nice overall look. Wife says I look good, co-worker says I look good.

The bad ...
I feel ugly. I just can't shake it. Ugly in the mirror, ugly in the occasional window reflection. Ugly just sitting here and I can't even see myself.

I was going to snap a selfie to share, no can do ... too ugly.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 24, 2018, 12:55:00 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 24, 2018, 09:15:56 AM
I was going to post in the happy/unhappy thread, but I couldn't find it.

Everything this morning normal routine, now. Make coffee, head to the bathroom to primp, dress, eat breakfast, pop pills, etc. etc.

The good ...
I got dressed, nice flowing slacks I hadn't worn in a while, new (to me) top (medium V?) that would show cleavage if I had any. It does accent that I have something in there. Nice light-weight sweater ¿wrap? (no buttons) to cover my wide shoulders. All in all, a very nice overall look. Wife says I look good, co-worker says I look good.

The bad ...
I feel ugly. I just can't shake it. Ugly in the mirror, ugly in the occasional window reflection. Ugly just sitting here and I can't even see myself.

I was going to snap a selfie to share, no can do ... too ugly.

@Faith    
Come on now girl, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and find a way to get to your happy place...  you made the decision to go on the transition journey that most of us here on the Forums are on.  You can read about other members successes and about their disappointments and failures too and perhaps glean some ideas of how to deal with your down times.

As is usually the case, we are our own worst critics.   Your wife and co-workers stated that you look good... you should certainly believe your wife above all, after all she would not want to be embarrassed by you not looking your best.... and your co-workers, even a few of them are just trying to be polite you should accept their compliments...
   A smart girl always cheerfully accepts compliments!!!

You might want to visit my threads for some insights from others and some encouragement for you.
          "Positive Mindset... put away negativity" (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.0.html)

How you described the good in your post sounds very good to me that you looked very nice after your primping, and dressing in your nice flowing slacks and your cleavage revealing top....
If and when you feel comfortable posting a picture for your followers to see that would certainly be in order.

Oh, by the way here is the LINK for the thread that you were looking for:
"What Made You Both Happy and Unhappy at the Same Time Today? 2.0"
          https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,181024.msg2154676.html#msg2154676
Perhaps you may want to "Bookmark" it so you can find it more easily in the future.


Again Faith, thank you for your update... and please believe in yourself and try to always show self-confidence.
Please keep your thread updated frequently... your readers and followers want to rejoice with you in your good times and support you in your not so good times.
Whenever I log in I always take a look at all of the threads that I follow so I will be checking on you again.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on July 25, 2018, 12:25:20 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 24, 2018, 09:15:56 AM

The good ...
I got dressed, nice flowing slacks I hadn't worn in a while, new (to me) top (medium V?) that would show cleavage if I had any. It does accent that I have something in there. Nice light-weight sweater ¿wrap? (no buttons) to cover my wide shoulders. All in all, a very nice overall look. Wife says I look good, co-worker says I look good.

The bad ...
I feel ugly. I just can't shake it. Ugly in the mirror, ugly in the occasional window reflection. Ugly just sitting here and I can't even see myself.

I was going to snap a selfie to share, no can do ... too ugly.

   Okay you up on the fridge! Go! Now!

You absolutely must stop being contrary. I draw you attention to the purple print in the quote above. Now tell me just what you want to disagree with Lori and your co-worker? I do not know your co-worker, but I have had a nice long talk with Lori and I am convinced that she not only knows what she wants but she also knows what is good for you. If she says you look nice then dang it tell her" thank you and I love you Lori" then accept what she has told you as fact and deal with it. I don't even have to see that picture you did not take to know you looked nice. I believe Lori.
  I suggest if you think you look ugly then you are looking in the wrong place.  Pull you head out of that dark stinky hole and come out into the light so you can see yourself as others do.
  Now you just think about that while you sit up there for awhile.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on July 25, 2018, 01:40:59 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 24, 2018, 09:15:56 AM
I was going to post in the happy/unhappy thread, but I couldn't find it.

Everything this morning normal routine, now. Make coffee, head to the bathroom to primp, dress, eat breakfast, pop pills, etc. etc.

The good ...
I got dressed, nice flowing slacks I hadn't worn in a while, new (to me) top (medium V?) that would show cleavage if I had any. It does accent that I have something in there. Nice light-weight sweater ¿wrap? (no buttons) to cover my wide shoulders. All in all, a very nice overall look. Wife says I look good, co-worker says I look good.

The bad ...
I feel ugly. I just can't shake it. Ugly in the mirror, ugly in the occasional window reflection. Ugly just sitting here and I can't even see myself.

I was going to snap a selfie to share, no can do ... too ugly.

Its horrible to have days like this...they make this journey very tough...We are terribly hard on ourselves and have expectations that are way above what is humanly possible. Some days its hard to even pin point why we feel the way we do. You have the rest of your future to be who you want to be, which may not be perfect but will be better than trying to be something you are not. Take extra care of yourself today...treat yourself in some small way it might help you feel little better.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 25, 2018, 09:39:12 AM
As with all of us, continuously or at one point or another, internalized fears or feelings are not necessarily fact or truth. Sometimes they are. It is very hard to overcome a feeling that has no basis in either, harder or impossible when it does.

This is me today (look fast, I don't know how long I'll leave it available)
https://imgur.com/fTWG1Rm (https://imgur.com/fTWG1Rm)

camera did a soft focus that hides lots of ills. Still, there's nothing to brag about in that photo.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 25, 2018, 09:54:00 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 25, 2018, 09:39:12 AM
As with all of us, continuously or at one point or another, internalized fears or feelings are not necessarily fact or truth. Sometimes they are. It is very hard to overcome a feeling that has no basis in either, harder or impossible when it does.

This is me today (look fast, I don't know how long I'll leave it available)
https://imgur.com/fTWG1Rm (https://imgur.com/fTWG1Rm)

camera did a soft focus that hides lots of ills. Still, there's nothing to brag about in that photo.

@Faith  I looked at your posted photo and ....  Please stop being so hard on yourself...  the picture you posted looks fine...  I love your long hair and the curls.
 
Please continue with your updates and you could leave the picture posted on Imgur so later on you can do a before and after comparison ... only if you feel comfortable doing so... as you journey continues....

Thanks for keeping us all updated.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on July 25, 2018, 10:21:10 AM
Hello Faith,

I took a look at the picture that you posted. For what it is worth, I saw a lovely woman, one that I would like to meet and get to know over a cup of coffee. Good luck with those internal struggles.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on July 26, 2018, 01:01:14 AM
Hi Faith,

  I've see you in real life and I can see a lot of difference in your face just since then. Give yourself a break and let the estradiol work it's magic as it already is doing. I can see why your coworker said what he did. The change is that obvious.
Thank you for posting the picture so we can see the changes hrt has wrought.  No Hun, you may not be as beautiful in the flesh as you would like to be. But age and the late start is going to have it's effects but look around you. How many women are as beautiful as you would like to be? Not many unless you are at a beauty pageant. The beauty you and I and many of us have is not the external kind hun. Our beauty comes from withing if we will but let it out to be seen. I've seen it in Lori and in you. You will discover this eventually for yourself.

Hugs to Lori And you.
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 26, 2018, 06:56:56 AM
Thanks, Danielle; Tia Ann; and Laurie,  I do appreciate the support. I fear I will be struggling with self-image for quite some time. Thankfully the internalized ugly feeling has faded. Now I am back to just picture and mirror avoidance.  I wore an outfit yesterday that I liked the individual pieces but the overall accented my V, narrow hip, guy frame. I had to struggle through the day.

I really want to wear a dress outfit tomorrow. I'll need lots of encouragement to get up the nerve. It's odd how when this all first started I didn't really care about dresses or skirts. I wonder if my desire now is due to wanting to wear it or if it's for personal affirmation? I may never know. Maybe it's time for another therapy session to go over some of these issues.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on July 26, 2018, 08:21:57 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 26, 2018, 06:56:56 AM
I wore an outfit yesterday that I liked the individual pieces but the overall accented my V, narrow hip, guy frame. I had to struggle through the day.

I still struggle with that, too. After studying what's recommended for cis-women with the "inverted-V" shape I started looking for longer tops with flares on the bottom, skirts or shorts with heavier fabric and wider at the hip, and dark colors on top with light colors on the bottom. Dresses and skirts with pockets also help - a trick I've used is pushing the pockets toward the back, which helps enhance the hips. You can't put your hands in them that way, but you shouldn't anyway.

For my wide shoulders I avoid spaghetti straps and look for scoop or v-neck tops and dresses - though, amazingly, I've found that I can rock sleeveless! I didn't understand that until I started studying cis-women shoulders and upper arms. A lot of them look more beefy than me - and as slim as you are, I doubt you'd have any trouble. Also, as with light colors, patterns can make things look bigger, so plain tops and patterned bottoms can help, not to mention that patterns can help disguise certain, uh, bumps that are better hidden.

QuoteI really want to wear a dress outfit tomorrow. I'll need lots of encouragement to get up the nerve. It's odd how when this all first started I didn't really care about dresses or skirts. I wonder if my desire now is due to wanting to wear it or if it's for personal affirmation?

Does it really matter? You want to, and that should be good enough. I think you should! I do remember how hard it was to do that for the first time, but it sounds like you work with some cool people, so it'll be fine.

Do you have a skirt and top combination that fits the parameters above? I want you to knock 'em dead first time! Go, girl!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 26, 2018, 09:17:18 AM
Quotelonger tops with flares on the bottom
Ahh, yep, I do that. Not only but Lori knows I struggle and to help she actually tailored several T-shirts to accent the waist and flair at the hip .. I love my wife :D

QuoteYou want to, and that should be good enough
you would think, wouldn't you :-\

upbeat moment
My morning walk around the parking lot, at work, led to two gals stopping and waiting for me and initiating a conversation about it, which led to conversation about weight and snacks and failed will power, etc, etc. as we walked back into the building. Impromptu gal talk FTW
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 26, 2018, 09:32:14 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 26, 2018, 09:17:18 AM
Ahh, yep, I do that. Not only but Lori knows I struggle and to help she actually tailored several T-shirts to accent the waist and flair at the hip .. I love my wife :D
you would think, wouldn't you :-\

upbeat moment
My morning walk around the parking lot, at work, led to two gals stopping and waiting for me and initiating a conversation about it, which led to conversation about weight and snacks and failed will power, etc, etc. as we walked back into the building. Impromptu gal talk FTW

@Faith
Well, you couldn't have posted a more upbeat and happy post on your thread...  all of this is terrific news for sure.
Kudos to your wife for helping you with tailoring some tops that will be appropriate for your changing body.  You can be very, very thankful for a supportive wife.

Oh, that is great news about your morning walk and your impromptu gal talk in the parking lot at your workplace.  That is surely a wonderful and self-assuring event for you....   :) :) :)

Thank you for your update... 
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 26, 2018, 03:11:02 PM
That, that upbeat note didn't last. I had a change today, I'm not sure whether to post it or not. I mean, it's really not that significant.

I requested, and been approved, to use Faith as my preferred name and be referred to with proper pronouns at work. That includes all correspondence and communication (basically email). I updated all my email information and login credentials before I left for the day  ... I'm Domain Admin and Network Admin. I have the power, no waiting around.




HAH, just kidding, it IS significant and I'm bouncing a bit. It's a good lead-in to wear my skirt tomorrow. One coworker says I have to. Well, we'll see  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 26, 2018, 03:40:19 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 26, 2018, 03:11:02 PM
That, that upbeat note didn't last. I had a change today, I'm not sure whether to post it or not. I mean, it's really not that significant.

I requested, and been approved, to use Faith as my preferred name and be referred to with proper pronouns at work. That includes all correspondence and communication (basically email). I updated all my email information and login credentials before I left for the day  ... I'm Domain Admin and Network Admin. I have the power, no waiting around.




HAH, just kidding, it IS significant and I'm bouncing a bit. It's a good lead-in to wear my skirt tomorrow. One coworker says I have to. Well, we'll see  :D

@Faith
I started reading and thought.... oh no... but then I read your last sentence....
Very good news indeed....   happy and bouncing is much better than the alternative.
Thanks for your good news posting.
Hugs,
Daniellle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on July 26, 2018, 03:54:15 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 26, 2018, 03:11:02 PM
HAH, just kidding, it IS significant and I'm bouncing a bit. It's a good lead-in to wear my skirt tomorrow. One coworker says I have to. Well, we'll see  :D

Bouncing are we? Espresso beans?

Seriously, that is awesome. Congratulations!

As for the skirt, it's not just one coworker who's encouraging you! But... pics or it didn't happen. Don't forget! (And smile!)

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 26, 2018, 04:12:37 PM
Thanks Steph and Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 26, 2018, 03:40:19 PM
@Faith
I started reading and thought.... oh no... but then I read your last sentence....
Very good news indeed....   happy and bouncing is much better than the alternative.
Thanks for your good news posting.
Hugs,
Daniellle

I came to realize (yeah, I know I know) that the only thing holding me back is .. me.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on July 26, 2018, 03:54:15 PM
Bouncing are we? Espresso beans?

Seriously, that is awesome. Congratulations!

As for the skirt, it's not just one coworker who's encouraging you! But... pics or it didn't happen. Don't forget! (And smile!)

Stephanie

What!!??!! no chocolate?

and pics .. my arms are too short for a full body selfie.


Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on July 26, 2018, 04:55:05 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 26, 2018, 03:11:02 PM
HAH, just kidding, it IS significant and I'm bouncing a bit. It's a good lead-in to wear my skirt tomorrow. One coworker says I have to. Well, we'll see  :D

YAY!!!  So glad to hear this!  Another vote for skirt: yes.

Quote from: Faith on July 26, 2018, 04:12:37 PM
What!!??!! no chocolate?

Heck, yes, chocolate!  It is so essential that it is just assumed without having to be mentioned.  Though now that you mention it, ... Mmmmm!

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on July 26, 2018, 11:47:17 PM
  Skirt and pictures or it is up on the fridge with you.

Let Lori take the picture or a coworker, but a picture need be taken.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on July 27, 2018, 01:08:22 AM
Faith its a tough crowd here...I think Laurie was threatened with the same about a year ago over a makeover if my memory serves me correctly.

That is such great news about your name and it all being changed. That is significant for sure.

Ok so about those picture ... ;D

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 27, 2018, 07:44:20 AM
I am sitting here at work in my casual skirt and top. Proof, well, I don't know. You have to just take my word for it. I may get someone to take a picture ... I may not.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on July 27, 2018, 07:46:51 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 27, 2018, 07:44:20 AM
I am sitting here at work in my casual skirt and top. Proof, well, I don't know. You have to just take my word for it. I may get someone to take a picture ... I may not.

Please, Faith? Puleeeeeeze?!

Seriously, whether you document this with photos or not, I am so incredibly proud of you!! You're the coolest chick in the IT department!


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 27, 2018, 12:38:00 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on July 27, 2018, 07:46:51 AM
Please, Faith? Puleeeeeeze?!

Seriously, whether you document this with photos or not, I am so incredibly proud of you!! You're the coolest chick in the IT department!


Stephanie

Alright ... proof is in the ugly. Look fast before they're gone .......


(https://i.imgur.com/LUv4gCt.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/f8M7gAk.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on July 27, 2018, 12:45:10 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 27, 2018, 12:38:00 PM
Alright ... proof is in the ugly. Look fast before they're gone .......


(https://i.imgur.com/LUv4gCt.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/f8M7gAk.jpg)

Yess! You look great, Faith! I even see a smile!

Thank you for sharing your awesome day with us!


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LexieDragon on July 27, 2018, 12:52:07 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 27, 2018, 12:38:00 PM
Alright ... proof is in the ugly. Look fast before they're gone .......


(https://i.imgur.com/LUv4gCt.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/f8M7gAk.jpg)

Def looking good!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on July 27, 2018, 01:59:19 PM
Faith, you look just fine. In fact, you look a lot like a friend of mine, a lovely older woman (cisgender) I regularly run into at meetings.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on July 27, 2018, 03:15:38 PM
Faith, you look adorable!  Especially in the second picture where you are smiling.  And no I am not just saying that.  I mean it in all seriousness, hun, you look good.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 27, 2018, 05:25:54 PM
Thanks y'all. I really am trying to see what you (and Lori) say that you see. Sometimes I almost can. Several compliments today at work as well and one beautiful (can't see that, that's for sure).

Had a talk with one gal, filling her in on what name to use, and it settled into girl chat. That's twice in one week for girl talk.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on July 27, 2018, 07:25:38 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 27, 2018, 12:38:00 PM
Alright ... proof is in the ugly. Look fast before they're gone .......


(https://i.imgur.com/LUv4gCt.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/f8M7gAk.jpg)

Good on you for calling out your doubters LOL

It so hard sometimes when everyone else can see her except you!! Trust us she is there and falling so easily into girl talk is just another sign that you are accepted for who you are.

Take care

Liz

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 28, 2018, 01:37:18 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 27, 2018, 12:38:00 PM
Alright ... proof is in the ugly. Look fast before they're gone .......


(https://i.imgur.com/LUv4gCt.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/f8M7gAk.jpg)

@Faith   Please, oh please, do not be so hard on yourself...  not ugly, and please don't take the pictures away.  I think, along with many others here, that you look terrific and you should be proud of your progress as you head for your transition goals.... 
Again, you look wonderful in those recent photos... your hair, the top and the skirt... and your posture and appearance screams female to all the eyes that see you.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on July 28, 2018, 09:21:00 AM
I think your clothing selection is spot on, your hair is great and you look female.

I know self doubt can be difficult to overcome but you look really good.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on July 28, 2018, 01:47:24 PM
Faith, it is pretty well unanimous so it is a good time to listen to Lori and the rest of us. And, as difficult as it is to put it there,  your smile sells the whole image.

Take care girl,
Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 28, 2018, 02:40:54 PM
Alright, alright!! I get the message. I will leave the pictures up. you all are really pushy, you know that?

I guess I also have to admit that my opinion is in the minority when it comes to my looks/appearance. I'll try to come around, it's not easy.

Danielle, stay positive and I'll try not to say 'ugly' any more. How about, "Not as pretty as ..." just kidding! maybe

Rachel, I don't think I ever posted in your thread. I've read though it though. I should have made the effort to say how much I like your profile picture. I'll do it now, and pretty doesn't do it justice.

Tia Anne - I can't compete with Danielle's smile, I'll see what I can do. Honestly, I do smile a lot now ... unless I see a camera.

I'm running out of responses. Thank you all for your support, it helps a lot. Oh, um, Kathy. Adorable? Really? I think you're pushing the envelope a wee bit there....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donna on July 28, 2018, 06:19:31 PM
Danielle's words are so very true. You have nothing to hide from and look great. Give your self a big hug, you deserve it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 29, 2018, 10:00:09 AM
Heading to the local water park today. It'll be my first public outing in my bathing suit.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: kaitylynn on July 29, 2018, 10:42:41 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 27, 2018, 12:38:00 PM
Alright ... proof is in the ugly. Look fast before they're gone .......
(https://i.imgur.com/f8M7gAk.jpg)

Oh Dear, sometimes we can be our own worst critics...you look fabulous!  I know how hard it can be to hear positives from others when we are feeling down on ourselves.  It can seem like they are just being nice, but actually they are being the best mirrors we can gaze in to.  Hope you can drop some of the harsh self view and see what others here are trying to reflect back to you.  You are beautiful!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: krobinson103 on July 29, 2018, 01:15:49 PM
I'll add to the chorus on that one. No matter how many people tell me I look good, beautiful etc I really can't see it. The fact that no one misgenders me anymore should be a clue but there is still a little nagging voice that says... they are being kind. We are our own worst critics and its hard to let go of that. One day I might be able to but you certainly should. No man in that picture and certainly not ugly. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica_Rose on July 29, 2018, 02:32:38 PM
Faith, I'll echo what everyone else has said -- you look great! We are indeed our own worst critics and are the last to see in ourselves what other see. It has only been a week or so since I finally began accepting what others see, I no longer ask myself 'do they know?' everywhere I go. To be honest, most of the time we should never care what others think. As long as we are happy with who WE are, the opinions of others should not matter. I do admit I takes a while to get there! Believe in yourself Faith, and in those who have already replied -- you are beautiful!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: nikkiannukts on July 29, 2018, 04:17:02 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 27, 2018, 12:38:00 PM
Alright ... proof is in the ugly. Look fast before they're gone .......


(https://i.imgur.com/LUv4gCt.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/f8M7gAk.jpg)

Faith,

You look amazing.  Stunning!

Inspirational to those of us starting our journey.

Nikki
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sonja on July 29, 2018, 04:47:09 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 27, 2018, 12:38:00 PM
Alright ... proof is in the ugly. Look fast before they're gone .......


(https://i.imgur.com/LUv4gCt.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/f8M7gAk.jpg)
@Faith

Hi Faith,

You look great! Great style, very calm and elegant at the same time, very attractive, love your nails! and your hair! 

Sonja
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 29, 2018, 06:29:42 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 29, 2018, 10:00:09 AM
Heading to the local water park today. It'll be my first public outing in my bathing suit.

no water park, too many thunderclaps. We ended up at the mall instead. I did not wear my bathing suit to the mall.

Thanks again to all of you for your compliments. While I do appreciate it (very much) I must point out that even dressed like that I am gendered as him, he, and called sir. I do not pass close inspection, I am still a work in progress. that is without saying a word so it's not my voice giving me away.

I've read posts and threads from each of you. I need to make a more concerted effort to contribute back. I am still borderline introvert (as Laurie can attest).

I don't know how it was today, no one directly addressed me. I guess the highlight moment was when Lori got my attention to say, " ... us other girls have to go to the restroom ... " and will be back shortly. The window reflections were being kind to me, so ... maybe ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 30, 2018, 09:46:50 AM
Today marks the first 'official' day utilizing Faith as my preferred name, along with pronouns. A memo went out to the department that I work in. I also handed out a couple letters to managers of other departments. I have not met any resistance whatsoever. Reasonable questions about 'what if we forget' Hey, mistakes happen, it's OK. After a few months though .. should have it right by then .....

I have no intention of pushing the bathroom rights issue. There is an available unmarked privacy bathroom, I will use that as exclusively as possible. Secondary is a private bathroom that is marked for men but since it's single use/private it'll do when I can't wait. (which happens all too often any more :P). I have no desire to make any women uncomfortable by forcing the issue. I point out that no one has said anything one way or another, this is just my thoughts and decisions.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on July 30, 2018, 09:58:57 AM
A Milestone Day - congratulations.

It's wonderful you have departmental and management support to help keep the smiles coming.

Susan
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 30, 2018, 10:31:57 AM
Quote from: Susan Baum on July 30, 2018, 09:58:57 AM
A Milestone Day - congratulations.

It's wonderful you have departmental and management support to help keep the smiles coming.

Susan

Thanks Susan. I will quote one manager's reply to my open note that pretty much sums up how my 'news' has been received here.

QuoteI really appreciate the letter you gave me this morning.  So often, we do not know the struggles our friends and colleagues are experiencing on a daily basis.  I commend you for confronting your situation head on.  I know this wasn't/isn't easy.  Please know that I respect your strength and courage you display on a daily basis.  I wish you the best.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on July 30, 2018, 10:54:54 AM
Faith,
Your last post says so much about you. Your credibility as a person has allowed those around you to "get it". You have helped your coworkers to want to understand and learn about you and that extends to helping the cis folks out there want to learn about "us". Your manager understands that you are having to struggle....he doesn't know why but he must see that this is not a choice for you. Well done sister and thank you for helping us all in the eyes of some cis folks.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 30, 2018, 11:24:32 AM
Anyone who received my written note, the last line is/was:

QuoteI am now comfortable enough as myself that, if you like, I am willing answer any questions that you have

While I not any good as an activist, I believe the best way to mitigate ignorant reactions is with knowledge. All the knowledge in the world won't help stupid but if we don't try, we don't know for sure which one they are.

I didn't add a disclaimer. The stupid will go into the questions not even appropriate for CIS. I do draw a line  :eusa_silenced: :eusa_naughty:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on July 30, 2018, 11:34:55 AM
Congratulations, Faith!  Being out at work is a huge step!

Quote from: Faith on July 30, 2018, 11:24:32 AM
While I not any good as an activist, I believe the best way to mitigate ignorant reactions is with knowledge.
You are an activist.  Just by being out, you are are informing those around you.  I think that being visible is one of the best forms of activism.  Well done, sister!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on July 30, 2018, 11:52:42 AM
Quote from: Faith on July 30, 2018, 11:24:32 AM
Anyone who received my written note, the last line is/was:

While I not any good as an activist, I believe the best way to mitigate ignorant reactions is with knowledge. All the knowledge in the world won't help stupid but if we don't try, we don't know for sure which one they are.

At my very first therapy session, my therapist told me that like it or not, I would become an advocate and educator. That certainly wasn't my goal, but I've tried to make sure everyone knows that I'll answer any respectful question. I'm surprised at how many people just accepted me with no questions asked, but those who do ask really appreciate my candor. I love the fact that you seem to be enjoying a similar situation.

I saw a quote yesterday that we should all keep in mind: Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Congratulations for getting to the other side, Faith.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on July 30, 2018, 10:23:55 PM
Quote from: Faith on July 30, 2018, 09:46:50 AM
Today marks the first 'official' day utilizing Faith as my preferred name, along with pronouns. A memo went out to the department that I work in. I also handed out a couple letters to managers of other departments. I have not met any resistance whatsoever. Reasonable questions about 'what if we forget' Hey, mistakes happen, it's OK. After a few months though .. should have it right by then .....

I have no intention of pushing the bathroom rights issue. There is an available unmarked privacy bathroom, I will use that as exclusively as possible. Secondary is a private bathroom that is marked for men but since it's single use/private it'll do when I can't wait. (which happens all too often any more :P). I have no desire to make any women uncomfortable by forcing the issue. I point out that no one has said anything one way or another, this is just my thoughts and decisions.

Congratulations on your milestone. I hope your colleagues take to it without too many issues. You have to work in the environment and you know what will work best for you in your circumstances. Maybe as people get to know Faith a bit more hopefully the bathroom may not be any kind of issue for you at all.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 31, 2018, 07:07:43 AM
small snag yesterday. When it came to my first restroom trip ..... it was out of order :P So, back to the private mens room I went.


On to new/old things. I decided last night to retake some measurements. The results were a bit disappointing :(

Before:
11/08/2017
Weight  ~200 lbs
Shoulder  Width  20
Over-bust  40
Bust  42
Under-bust  39
Waist  40
Butt  41
Nip2nip  9

After:
07/30/2018
Weight  ~156 lbs
Shoulder  Width  18.5
Over-bust  38
Bust  39.5
Under-bust  37
Waist  34
Butt  37.5
Nip2nip  10
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on July 31, 2018, 07:14:45 AM
Actually, Faith, those numbers look remarkably good.  You have lost a significant amount of weight and it shows in reduced bulk.  That is all good.

I understand the disappointment over the bust measurement going the wrong direction, but that is no doubt the result of the weight loss.  For more than a year after I started on HRT, my bust measurement didn't budge at all.  I was 38-1/2 as a guy, and remained at 38-1/2 while my boobs started growing.  It is only at a year and a half now that I can see a change in the measurement (39-1/2).

Hang in there, hun.  You are doing fine.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on July 31, 2018, 11:04:44 AM
Faith, I will agree with Kathy on this. The weight loss is fantastic! And the narrowing of your waist over your hips is giving you more of an hour glass figure.....something, bye the way, that many of us are quite envious of. Good going girl!

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on July 31, 2018, 11:43:47 AM
Thanks Kathy, Tia Anne.

I guess I'm just impatient. I'm actually OK with the bust. I can look down and see breasts. That, more than anything, helps my dysphoria calm down. My disappointment comes from waist to hip/butt. To see myself as I envision, I need more butt. Putting weight on in the right place is a roll of the dice. I doubt my waist will get any smaller (due to lower rib cage). I haven't had a 30" waist since my late teens. And, compared to my chest, it could but doesn't really need to be any smaller.

I do measurement charts and they place me at 'rectangular or banana' (¿banana?). I look in the mirror and see a big V. I look at pictures from the back and I see the same thing. My wife makes comments from behind me that she can see the shape just fine ... I'm so confused ......


Work today thus far.
* One dead-name and gender from someone in my dept. who didn't get the memo ... corrected that.
* One dead-name and gender from someone in a different dept who, really, couldn't know. I received a pat and a hug from the gal next to me (who does know) when she heard it. Granted, I did say 'not him, please' under my breath a few times that she overheard .. thus the hug. Once informed, that same gal used the right name 10 mins later to get my attention on something.
* Popped my head in on the manager that sent the email (posted above) to say how much I appreciated it. He looked up and called me Faith with no hesitation at all before I even got a word out.
Couple other Faith's in casual conversation.

The gal that got it wrong, now corrected, I swung by a little later to drop my letter on her desk. Told her to read it and pass it around to anyone who was interested? Should know? Whatever, all I know is that it got passed around to all the gals in that department :P .. which, by the way, led to a stuck out tongue, a compliment on the letter, and another hug.

All in all, work is smooth. I'm sure that there'll have to be a few more reminders, I've worked here as 'him' for a long time.


When the time comes, I don't think I'll have any home issues on legal name change. Which I have no intention of doing until I do gender at the same time. I am not going through that twice.

That's all for now, thanks for reading.
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: mm on July 31, 2018, 12:59:37 PM
Faith, just let the restroom issue stand as you are doing now.  Sooner or later one of woman will invite you to go the restroom with her and then you know it is ok to use the women's
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 01, 2018, 01:13:21 PM
smile moment.

Walking through a hallway with one of my co-workers (female) when we bumped into one of the gals that I mentioned from yesterday. A smile and hey guys for both of us and she introduced us to her daughter ... she said Faith with no hesitation at all.

That's about all that's good today. Nothing trans related, this is just a sucky day at work. It all started when I left my coffee at home and went downhill from there.

One up moment was when I texted Lori about the crappy day and her reply was, "Keep your chin up Faith, Love You". :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 01, 2018, 03:14:19 PM
And I finish off the day with a thud.

today was the day for my new name tag, which meant a new photo. And ... the ugly shines through. I almost fell apart at work looking at it. It goes to show, you can't fix ugly.

I'm going to bed.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on August 01, 2018, 05:37:24 PM
Days feeling like that suck...in fact anytime you feel like that sucks. Getting past our own self hate can sometimes be the hardest part of transition. It takes awhile for your brain to finally catch up with your body but until it does it remains difficult to see ourselves in the same way that other do. Hope you are feeling better

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica_Rose on August 01, 2018, 08:49:01 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 01, 2018, 03:14:19 PM
And I finish off the day with a thud.

today was the day for my new name tag, which meant a new photo. And ... the ugly shines through. I almost fell apart at work looking at it. It goes to show, you can't fix ugly.

I'm going to bed.

Faith, within a few days after realizing I was transgender I looked in the mirror and was convinced I was going to 'make one ugly woman'. Despite my concern, I knew this was the right path. It has taken quite a while for me to begin seeing what others see. When I look at my badge (taken on my first day as Jessica), or my new drivers license I cringe. It has only been a little over five months since those photos were taken, but now I love what I see. Give it time. Eventually your beauty will shine through all the noise in your mind and you will finally see the beautiful woman others see.

I am sure you have seen other 'before and after' photos, mine is here (March 2017 vs March 2018):
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233104.msg2092927.html#msg2092927
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 02, 2018, 06:48:49 AM
Hey Liz and Jessica. Thanks for the words of support. I really bummed out. When I got home from work I didn't even dress. I just stripped off my day clothes, threw on the top that I sleep in, bundled myself on the couch under pillows and blankets with all the lights off.

There I was until Lori got home. She told me that as soon as she pulled in the drive that she started feeling down and by the time she entered the house she was almost in tears. That's how empathic she is. I was seriously projecting too much.

Because she held herself together, by the time we went to my daughters and then a little bit of shopping, I was feeling much better, mood-wise. I still can't think about that photo.

Anyway, I don't know how I deserve such a strong loving wife. I'm certainly not earning it but I very much am thankful for it .. um, her ... um ..... grammar, it's hard ......

Jessica, (well, you too Liz) while I don't really post, I've read through all your posts and followed your thread(s). Ima thread-peeping-tom .. err .. Toma? .. Thomasin? .....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on August 02, 2018, 11:18:32 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 02, 2018, 06:48:49 AM
Hey Liz and Jessica. Thanks for the words of support. I really bummed out. When I got home from work I didn't even dress. I just stripped off my day clothes, threw on the top that I sleep in, bundled myself on the couch under pillows and blankets with all the lights off.

There I was until Lori got home. She told me that as soon as she pulled in the drive that she started feeling down and by the time she entered the house she was almost in tears. That's how empathic she is. I was seriously projecting too much.

Because she held herself together, by the time we went to my daughters and then a little bit of shopping, I was feeling much better, mood-wise. I still can't think about that photo.

Anyway, I don't know how I deserve such a strong loving wife. I'm certainly not earning it but I very much am thankful for it .. um, her ... um ..... grammar, it's hard ......

Jessica, (well, you too Liz) while I don't really post, I've read through all your posts and followed your thread(s). Ima thread-peeping-tom .. err .. Toma? .. Thomasin? .....

Faith, in a partnership such as yours, there is support for each other in their worst moments, and the whole is made stronger for it.  The two of you each bring their own strengths and frailties into the partnership, and can aid one another.

When one is suffering, the other brings comfort and aid.  As a team, both can move through life more easily than one alone.  This is not always easy for the individual partners, but recognizing their greater strength together helps each fulfil their greater purpose as a team.

Faith, you and Lori are blessed with each other, recognize this, and will do very well.  I am so glad to see this partnership in action, as it is a rare and wonderful treasure in our lives.

Thank you for sharing!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 02, 2018, 05:00:07 PM
I spent most of today trying not to break down (mostly successful). I put black duct tape over my badge photo ... it didn't help, I know it's under there waiting to spring out like a terrorizing jack-in-the-box clown.

I am most definitely in 'depressed about my appearance' dysphoria mode. I recognize it, try to distract myself, it's not working. My mood is not as bad as yesterday. My mood is actually fairly good it's just tamped down by UGGAHLEE!!

Maybe if I put a bag over my own head
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on August 02, 2018, 05:41:13 PM
Faith, just a thought, can you take a photo that you do like (or perhaps dislike less) to your security department and have them make a new id badge for you?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 02, 2018, 05:52:19 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on August 02, 2018, 05:41:13 PM
Faith, just a thought, can you take a photo that you do like (or perhaps dislike less) to your security department and have them make a new id badge for you?

well, ahem, .... it's my department. My immediate co-worker usually does the badges but I could do them :P
Those inductive ID cards aren't cheap, hate to waste them. My other badges, except for my original (which is all yellow and faded) are re-purposed left-overs with tape covering erroneous info.

Here's the image on my back-up badge:

(https://i.imgur.com/NqitZ7G.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on August 02, 2018, 05:55:31 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 02, 2018, 05:52:19 PM
Here's the image on my back-up badge:

(https://i.imgur.com/NqitZ7G.jpg)

Umm, I did NOT give you permission to use my picture...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 02, 2018, 06:01:43 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 02, 2018, 05:55:31 PM
Umm, I did NOT give you permission to use my picture...

Sorry StephANIE, it's looks so much better than mine that I couldn't help myself
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Maid Marion on August 02, 2018, 06:14:24 PM
Could you use double stick tape to put a new picture on the old badge?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 02, 2018, 06:16:43 PM
Quote from: Maid Marion on August 02, 2018, 06:14:24 PM
Could you use double stick tape to put a new picture on the old badge?

All kinds of things that I could do, except there is no picture of me worth putting on there. It's better to leave the black tape.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Maid Marion on August 02, 2018, 06:20:05 PM

A good time to take your picture is at sunset when the light is warm and diffuse.
Professional photographers use bounce flash off walls to get a more flattering light for bridal photographs.
They also use flash in the bright sunshine to make the light less harsh.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on August 02, 2018, 06:24:44 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 02, 2018, 06:16:43 PM
All kinds of things that I could do, except there is no picture of me worth putting on there.
Here you go:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on August 02, 2018, 06:34:46 PM
Well done Kathy. Faith, that is such a beautiful picture of you! Now stop your back talking and listen to us...and repeat a hundred times, it is a beautiful picture of a lovely woman.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 03, 2018, 07:42:34 AM
Thank you Kathy and Steph for removing the photo links. In the interest of full disclosure, and the fact that it's one of the reasons why this forum exists, I will explain.

I cannot, I stress .. cannot ...look at facial photos of myself. I broke down for 10 minutes with my face buried on Lori's shoulder when I saw the picture(s). I panic closed the forum and, after my tears settled, Lori and I went out for a bit. I logged in only to PM a request for the picture removal, then I went to bed.

Images of me, especially face, is a severe trigger for me. That is why you don't see any of them on here. My previous post in the dress was almost removed (I still want to remove it) I do not zoom in on it. I can't.

thank you for understanding.

ps,
Tia Anne. Lori says the same thing and I do trust her opinion and all of yours. It doesn't change the fact that I cannot look.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on August 03, 2018, 11:13:05 AM
I got it girl and I apologize for my insensitivity. With our eagerness to help you be you, we get quite carried away and forget to listen to the one we are loving on. Sorry about that.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 03, 2018, 11:16:56 AM
oddities

I found a photo of myself ... my original work photo id from June of 2009
(https://i.imgur.com/qTDEFTO.jpg)
oddly enough, it has absolutely no effect on me, good or bad.


Tia Anne, I was posting this as you replied. It isn't meant as a direct reply to you. Just something I came across that was topical about photos.


edit in for comparison.

I am going to bite my lip and show the image that is now on our company site. It is not the one currently on my badge.
Hopefully you guys will post enough that it'll scroll off and I won't have to look at it very much. It does not trigger as bad as other do.

(https://i.imgur.com/6UvuPIC.jpg)

edit: This photo is from May 2018.
2nd edit: typo
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 03, 2018, 11:25:19 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 03, 2018, 11:16:56 AM
oddities

I found a photo of myself ... my original work photo id from June of 2009
(https://i.imgur.com/qTDEFTO.jpg)
oddly enough, it has absolutely no effect on me, good or bad.


Tia Anne, I was posting this as you replied. It isn't meant as a direct reply to you. Just something I came across that was topical about photos.


edit in for comparison.

I am going to bite my lip and show the image that is not on our company site. It is not the one currently on my badge.
Hopefully you guys will post enough that it'll scroll off and I won't have to look at it very much. It does not trigger as bad as other do.

(https://i.imgur.com/6UvuPIC.jpg)

@Faith
Please don't be so hard on yourself... in your picture comparison I see great progress in your transition journey so far.... and much more to come.

Thank you for keeping your thread and your followers updated.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 03, 2018, 06:53:31 PM
sorry for the picture removal. I thought I could handle that one on here if I didn't look at it much. Just thinking about it being 'on display' put me over the edge.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 04, 2018, 10:38:25 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 03, 2018, 06:53:31 PM
sorry for the picture removal. I thought I could handle that one on here if I didn't look at it much. Just thinking about it being 'on display' put me over the edge.

@Faith
Dear Faith: 
No worries.  Please, absolutely no apologies are required nor are they expected.  It is your pictures and your thread to do with them what you want.
 
With or without pictures, I enjoy reading and following your life story and continuing joys, successes, trials and tribulations.

Hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 04, 2018, 07:56:29 PM
to expand on my 'what made you happy today' post.

This morning Lori and I mowed the yard. Sounds like nothing except our yard is in full Florida summer rainy season swamp mode. Sometimes I wonder where our yard went :-\

This afternoon was a birthday party from one of my nieces fosterlings (turned 1). She has three and is either adopting or already adopted them, not sure which.

Anyway. I dress up for it, feminine as I can with shorts and top. Decent make-up but not overblown. I put some curl in the locks that fall down from the temples in front of the ear. Not really sideburn area but there-abouts.

I walk in forgetting that straight in from the door is a huge mirror. I glanced and looked away quickly but got stuck there for a few minutes. Yep it was creeping up on me, I could feel it. I didn't want to look, couldn't help myself. I wiggled my way around the end of the couch and sat down trying to hold it in. Lori noticed, I told her I'd be alright just needed a few minutes.

Well, it would have been but that coupled with the pandemonium from all the kids and then a storm rolled in (and I ate all the wrong food, bleh). Seems insignificant but I am sensitive to barometric pressure changes. Storms coming in adds about 20 lbs of weight to my head and inward pressure. It really depresses my mood. It was a bad combination.

Lori saw. I knew she was, not angry, frustrated? impatient? I don't know. Well, she gathered me up and we went to do our laundry. We do whites at the laundromat, our well water is not conducive to white clothes. I couldn't even drive. I was better by the time we got there and within a few minutes I was fine. All back to normal, whatever that is.

Waiting for the washer a gentleman came through with a load casually saying, "excuse me ladies" on his way by. Well, that induced a grin from both of us.

long story shorter, we head back to my nieces, me telling Lori that it's fine, I'm OK. On the way in I avoided the mirror and headed straight to the kitchen to ignore it and to chat a bit. Talked a bit to one of my other nieces about what I'm going through, a little 'get it out' self-therapy. We chat about hair a bit (they color theirs). If Lori would agree, I'd consider a dark violet highlight down those afore-mentioned temple curls. I think it'd look good.

It was getting a bit warm so I grabbed my purse for hair-tie to make a quick pony-tail. Needing to be sure the hair pulled back in the right place I had no choice but to look in the mirror and .... there she was ... I looked away and decided to look back. she was still there. Plain as can be standing right there in front of me. Not plain looking! I was looking good, if I do say so myself. Not perfect, no, I have a long way to go but she's in there and she wants to be on display. I looked for a few moments and she didn't go away.

Another almost break-down moment but this time a happy one.

today ended up being a very good day, I'm glad we went back.

Thanks for reading, if you managed to get through my ramblings,
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on August 04, 2018, 08:17:25 PM
Hi Faith, it took me 4.5 years to post a pic of myself. I only have one pic of myself and it is from work from 6 months ago before I colored my hair. I have been wanting to update my pic and post it but have not worked up to it yet. I understand how difficult it is to share a pic.

My current work ID pic is the night before I came out at work 9/12/2015. I look so much different. I had FFS and hair transplants and an additional 2.5 years on HRT.  I am still so self conscious of how I look. Perhaps next week I will update my work pic and have a pic taken of me to share here.

You may want to take a pic at a distance and gradually take pics closer in time. This way you can share what you feel comfortable with sharing. I think sharing a pic is more about self and sharing self with others. Share what you feel comfortable sharing.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on August 04, 2018, 08:21:57 PM
Faith, I am glad you see her too.  Sorry you had to go through a wringer to get there, but hey, she's there!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on August 05, 2018, 12:49:13 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 04, 2018, 07:56:29 PM
.... there she was ... I looked away and decided to look back. she was still there. Plain as can be standing right there in front of me. Not plain looking! I was looking good, if I do say so myself. Not perfect, no, I have a long way to go but she's in there and she wants to be on display. I looked for a few moments and she didn't go away.

Another almost break-down moment but this time a happy one.

today ended up being a very good day, I'm glad we went back.

Thanks for reading, if you managed to get through my ramblings,
Faith

Oh wow that is so great...I am happy for you. The last little while has been tough for you. It is so difficult at times and transition feels like one psychological battle after another. It is however a remarkable feeling when you see "Her" for the first few times. Congratulations...enjoy this as much as you can...my first few glimpses were very emotional experiences. I hope from now on you see her and see only the other one if you have too!


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on August 05, 2018, 12:27:40 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 04, 2018, 07:56:29 PM
...
It was getting a bit warm so I grabbed my purse for hair-tie to make a quick pony-tail. Needing to be sure the hair pulled back in the right place I had no choice but to look in the mirror and .... there she was ... I looked away and decided to look back. she was still there. Plain as can be standing right there in front of me. Not plain looking! I was looking good, if I do say so myself. Not perfect, no, I have a long way to go but she's in there and she wants to be on display. I looked for a few moments and she didn't go away.

Another almost break-down moment but this time a happy one.
...

Faith, this is absolutely wonderful news.  We carry a self-image of ourselves in the brain, a sort of reference we unconsciously use for checking our physical condition and tending to injuries.   This is tied into a bunch of low level body control stuff in our brains. ( see "mirror neurons")

When we change, it can take quite a while for this brain "map" to update. In nature we don't normally change much in any given year. 

Seeing her in the mirror is a sign that this map is catching up to reality. Soon you will reach a point where your brain's self-image will be the woman the rest of us see, and with the improvement in your self-confidence your poise and movement will be more secure, you will feel better, and you will find very few issues with your acceptance.

Hugs, Michelle


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 05, 2018, 08:11:01 PM
It was short-lived but much longer than any time before by hours. I could still look in the mirror and peruse myself all evening. Not saying that I just stood there and admired myself. Even after I got home and cleaned up for bed, she was still there :D

This morning, gone .. all day, gone. Ah well. I am very happy that it happened. It gives me hope that someday she won't go away.

Off to bed, maybe she'll come out to play tomorrow.

Oh, did some retail therapy today. I picked up a few more long skirts for work. I've pretty much decided that, for the time being anyways, Fridays will be 'dress-up in a dress' day at work. A few more nice tops as well. Some I picked out that I liked the best were mis-marked. They were too small :(  Although, as a plus, several of them are shareable. Lori and I will have to fight over them ... ready set .. fight's over, it's bedtime.  I win. Off to bed I go in her new pajama bottoms :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 06, 2018, 07:42:50 AM
Well, it's Monday .. blah!  I was so tired this morning that I didn't look at any of the new tops I bought. I threw on something I wear a lot, too often, lazy closet grab. Nothing to add as far as how I'm feeling, mirrors are still on the taboo list.


I'm not sure whether to add this comment or not, it's funny and not at the same time ...

Lori and I were in the changing room trying on items (yes, we go together). Our 2 yr old granddaughter was scooting under the door and back out generally doing what children do (her Mom was outside the door). She's very hand articulate and smart, not talking yet. Anyways, on one such trip I had my shorts off to pull on a skirt. She looked, got all confused looking, tried to point, too closely I might add), and I shooed her hand away. She then proceeded to put her hands up in a shrug look plainly saying .. what? where?  She turned around to check Lori .. and of course Lori shooed her away as well.

I found it funny, but confusing and concerning. Did she expect to see something there and couldn't understand why there wasn't so was trying to compare? In that case, how would she know? To my knowledge she's never seen a naked male and most certainly has not seen me naked.

It is entirely possible that, since she doesn't wear panties, she expected to see the same thing that she sees on herself .. impossible, of course :P

Like I said, very articulate and smart. She puzzles things out quickly and has very good hand-eye. Much better in every area than your average 2 yr old, except speech.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 06, 2018, 09:13:59 AM
another tangent

As is my wont, I've been lurking around and perusing threads catching up on everyone when I should be working. I read through a few progress/timeline scenarios and the pattern I noticed is, I don't fit them.


Just musing, I know there isn't any one result or timeline for anyone.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on August 08, 2018, 01:33:45 AM
Hi Faith,

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your thread. So much has happened in my absence that it has taken me some time to catch up reading the almost 100 posts I've missed out on!

I don't even know where to begin. I'll start with the one standout highlight from a few days ago where you looked in the mirror and saw "her". I shed a couple of happy tears when I read your account of that day. That is a special moment which I am sure you will remember for a long time. And the moment lasted for hours. That is so awesome!! Don't worry too much that in the following days the moment was lost. It will return and go away more times and each time you see "her" in the mirror looking back at you, a little more "her" will solidify in your mental image of yourself, and "he" will slowly fade away leaving you seeing "her" all the time.

And speaking of being her, fantastic news about coming out at work and being accepted so well. Congratulations! "Wear a dress Fridays" seems like a great way to end the work week. You seem like you are also enjoying it because there was an elusive smile that creeped into the photo you posted  of yourself in a dress. You look great!

Lori is being so loving and supportive. You are so lucky to have her. Thank you Lori, on behalf of everyone here at Susan's, for being such a wonderful partner to Faith.

I'm sure I've missed something being so far behind in all the happenings in your journey. Overall, I noticed a general upward trend in your mood and progress as I read through the past couple of weeks of updates. I am very happy for you with the huge leaps forward you have made. Thank you for sharing the ups and downs of your journey.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on August 09, 2018, 11:56:57 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 05, 2018, 08:11:01 PM
It was short-lived but much longer than any time before by hours. I could still look in the mirror and peruse myself all evening. Not saying that I just stood there and admired myself. Even after I got home and cleaned up for bed, she was still there :D

This morning, gone .. all day, gone. Ah well. I am very happy that it happened. It gives me hope that someday she won't go away.

... ready set .. fight's over, it's bedtime.  I win. Off to bed I go in her new pajama bottoms :D

Keep the hope alive Faith, She is there and just biding her time. You have seen her once and she will be back

...nice win with the PJ's LOL


Quote from: Faith on August 06, 2018, 07:42:50 AM
.... Our 2 yr old granddaughter ....

It is entirely possible that, since she doesn't wear panties, she expected to see the same thing that she sees on herself .. impossible, of course :P

Like I said, very articulate and smart. She puzzles things out quickly and has very good hand-eye. Much better in every area than your average 2 yr old, except speech.

Faith she is 2 years old and could have been liking a colour or the first time she has seen this shaped naked body...or she wanted a drink...or she loves you and wanted your attention. Being interested is just plain healthy. Young kids are terribly adaptable and the likelihood of her even remembering it 10 minutes later would be slim. I am sure she will be fine... :)

Quote from: Faith on August 06, 2018, 09:13:59 AM
another tangent

As is my wont, I've been lurking around and perusing threads catching up on everyone when I should be working. I read through a few progress/timeline scenarios and the pattern I noticed is, I don't fit them.


  • Moody: yes, but not anything more severe. I've always had mood swings. these are only slightly different
  • Emotional: well, I always have been I just hid it more. Am I more emotional now or just willing to release it?
  • Physical: some changes, more noticeable to others than to me, that seems to be normal. Slow change, again, normal - I'm old and changing 50+ plus years of physical is nigh impossible.
  • Breasts: Yep, got'm. They'll get there I think. I hope they don't go crazy, I just want to know they are there and fill out female cut tops better.
  • Hair loss: nope. I see absolutely no difference in body hair growth speed or density, it's a constant fight. Why do others post of body hair light, thinned, gone, etc, and it's not occurring for me? Body hair is one of my most dysphoric issues. I am very OCD about removal

Just musing, I know there isn't any one result or timeline for anyone.

From what I can see you have answered yes to 4 out of 5 of the things you listed. I am also over 50 and at 2years plus HRT and only recently has my body hair begun to change after all this time. The sensitivity in my breasts have also increased more of late. The changes that some of the younger ones experience in the first year have taken me nearly 2 in most cases. The other things you list I have to varying degrees as well, just keep in mind you have been taking HRT for only a very short time and you are right at our age it is all much slower to get there.

I found it so hard to see the changes that everyone else has seen and I still don't see her every day which like you makes days a bit of a battle. I don't know when it will happen for you but it will one day she will come back and stay for good. I don't know how far away that day is for me but I look forward to it as I am sure you do.


You are making great progress  ;) I know it can feel a bit like treading water at times but from the outside looking in you appear to . Hope you are well and feeling good

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 10, 2018, 06:16:32 AM
Well, Liz. Your post made me think I should log in and say something. Jayne I can ignore, she knows I get all shut-in sometimes. @Jayne ... thbphbphbphbhbp ...

I'm rather used to being an after-thought in life, forums aren't much different I suppose. I hold things in because if I share and no one listens it's even worse.

Anyway, Liz. Thanks for the replies. My grand-daughter definitely wanted to express something about the genital area, her actions were too specific. But, since she doesn't talk, I have no idea which way it would have gone. I do follow your thread. I don't post because I'm usually not logged in and .. what have I to say that others haven't already? Anyway, I do read and commiserate with you, or cheer for you, or smile with you, as the case may be.

-=HAIR=- argghh ... grrr ... someday can't come soon enough. I keep waffling on the next step. Orchi, electro for the face, fix my deviated septum (and a bit a reshape while in there). All of which Lori is OK with .. it's the money.

Speaking of money, my daughter's car broke down. We gave her back the car we got for her to drive. Then our second car took a crap. $500+ later on a $50 car .. grrr .. still more to spend on it if we're to keep driving it. We plan on replacing but can't seem to get enough together all at once. Won't do payments .. nope, no way. Then, last night, out 3rd vehicle decided it wouldn't stay running. Idles for a bit and dies. It'll die sitting at a light. ARRGGHH.  I really can't do mechanic stuff anymore but it looks like I have a nasty weekend in store for me. Knowing how to do something doesn't mean that I want to do it. Probably something simple that'll take a full day of sweating to find. 1984 El Camino. At least it's old enough for me to work on it.

So, on an easy day of a Dr visit for Lori just to renew her BP meds ... which she almost doesn't need anymore, thanks to my diet that she's also on :) . If you want to get healthier, cut out gluten. Just sayin' .. oh, I digressed. On an easy day out we ended up spending over $700, rivers of sweat pouring (no ac in 2nd car), went to lunch and not only did I get a sir, he returned to say sir 5 more times in a sentence and a half. I don't know if he was making a point or trying to convince himself. Sure, no make-up but I was most definitely not in guy mode. I can't believe how much it bothered me, it didn't use to. I should just give up. I look like a guy, that's just the way it is.

'Wear a dress to work Friday's'. Well, I screwed up - I wore one on Tuesday. I'm still wearing one today so that's twice in one week. Not sure why I bother, I look like a dude in a dress.

Another heart-to-heart with Lori. You have to have them now and again. 100% support, with me, help me do anything I need .. still doesn't want to be married to a woman. She's says she'll deal with it and get used to it as time goes on, I can't help but feel doom on the horizon .. years maybe, but looming. If I change too much, will it be too much? *sigh*


I think I'm done dumping for now, logging back out to wallow at my work desk.
¿Faith?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on August 10, 2018, 07:45:30 PM
Hi Faith

I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I look for kindred souls when I am reading posts. I found with your thread there was plenty I could relate too. Especially your battle with seeing "her" I don't have an avatar up at the moment as I am redoing it again but when you do see it you will see I certainly could easily be seen as the "dude in a dress". But what gave me heart is that like you I experience times when I am genuinely treated as the woman I am. Being treated this way is certainly not a given for me.

I think it might be cultural but I don't get misgendered very often, its not because I physically look particularly feminine but I certainly present feminine. There are enough things about the way I look to make people hesitate and in many cases just accept what they see. But its a whole package of things that make them respond to me in the way they do.

Why does someone misgender another person...maybe they are insecure, maybe they get off on others pain, maybe they are closeted or maybe because they really are just >-bleeped-<s...these people don't actually care much about anyone else apart from themselves. Why would one person go out of their way to hurt another person? is the person who does this really worthy of taking your time and thoughts? He came back and repeated it over  and over again despite seeing how you were dressed. Personally I think those who deliberately misgender are just small minded individuals.

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 11, 2018, 08:04:26 AM
I had several things to add this morning and I can't remember them. I spent too much time exposing expressing myself in other threads. I guess they weren't that important.

OH, we had to make a store run last night, I was still in the outfit that I wore to work. I offered to change, Lori said, "Don't worry about it, you look fine". So, off we went.

Holding hands with my wife, in public, wearing dress and makeup and in a good mood ... Sometimes the stars align.  :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on August 11, 2018, 10:32:53 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 11, 2018, 08:04:26 AM
I had several things to add this morning and I can't remember them. I spent too much time exposing expressing myself in other threads. I guess they weren't that important.

OH, we had to make a store run last night, I was still in the outfit that I wore to work. I offered to change, Lori said, "Don't worry about it, you look fine". So, off we went.

Holding hands with my wife, in public, wearing dress and makeup and in a good mood ... Sometimes the stars align.  :)
It doesn't get much better than that Faith. Enjoying life with Lori.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 11, 2018, 02:32:03 PM
I believe I mentioned back a little about my niece trying a violet highlight in my hair. Lori is OK with it, my niece is excited about it. Sooooo, tomorrow I am looking at being accosted by three young gals fidgeting and fussing with my hair adding a lavender highlight to the front/side bangs. The alternative was bright purple. I think lavender is a ¿safer? option. And, scary as that is, they want to work up an outfit for me. If they choose from my stuff they won't have much luck, I'll tell you that. Basic darks and grays and some pink. I do have purple but somehow I don't think any of it will fit their intentions.

not having any money, due to car repairs, my options are limited.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 11, 2018, 02:54:21 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 11, 2018, 02:32:03 PM
I believe I mentioned back a little about my niece trying a violet highlight in my hair. Lori is OK with it, my niece is excited about it. Sooooo, tomorrow I am looking at being accosted by three young gals fidgeting and fussing with my hair adding a lavender highlight to the front/side bangs. The alternative was bright purple. I think lavender is a ¿safer? option. And, scary as that is, they want to work up an outfit for me. If they choose from my stuff they won't have much luck, I'll tell you that. Basic darks and grays and some pink. I do have purple but somehow I don't think any of it will fit their intentions.

not having any money, due to car repairs, my options are limited.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
I have been following the ups and downs of your updates on your thread....   so far I am glad to see that the ups are more significant that the downs.   I am glad that you are continuing to write about your successes and your frustrations....   this is a good way for you ponder your life goals, events and positive solutions to any of the issues you are dealing with.   

So.... your last update that I quoted above is great news... all except of course nor not having any money due to car repairs.
I think that you will have an exciting day tomorrow being worked over by three young gals... lavender highlights are certainly a little less daring than a bight purple color.   Oh, and they want to work up an outfit for you well.  Again, very exciting.   

If you feel so led after all of your young friends have their way with you, please post a picture or two so you can share this moment with us, your followers.
We are your biggest fans....

Wishing you well.....
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on August 11, 2018, 03:54:31 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 11, 2018, 02:32:03 PM
I believe I mentioned back a little about my niece trying a violet highlight in my hair. Lori is OK with it, my niece is excited about it. Sooooo, tomorrow I am looking at being accosted by three young gals fidgeting and fussing with my hair adding a lavender highlight to the front/side bangs. The alternative was bright purple. I think lavender is a ¿safer? option. And, scary as that is, they want to work up an outfit for me. If they choose from my stuff they won't have much luck, I'll tell you that. Basic darks and grays and some pink. I do have purple but somehow I don't think any of it will fit their intentions.

not having any money, due to car repairs, my options are limited.

I love my hair (my God I never ever thought I would say that) and really love taking care of it...however what I really like is to play with putting a colour in it. I must admit I am really conservative with my colour choice which comes from being "colour challenged"  but the end result is always great. I think if you are having a highlight the brighter the better as it will draw the eye to your hair. Just my 50cents worth  ;D

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 11, 2018, 04:06:51 PM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 11, 2018, 02:54:21 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I have been following the ups and downs of your updates on your thread....   so far I am glad to see that the ups are more significant that the downs.   I am glad that you are continuing to write about your successes and your frustrations....   this is a good way for you ponder your life goals, events and positive solutions to any of the issues you are dealing with.   

So.... your last update that I quoted above is great news... all except of course nor not having any money due to car repairs.
I think that you will have an exciting day tomorrow being worked over by three young gals... lavender highlights are certainly a little less daring than a bight purple color.   Oh, and they want to work up an outfit for you well.  Again, very exciting.   

If you feel so led after all of your young friends have their way with you, please post a picture or two so you can share this moment with us, your followers.
We are your biggest fans....

Wishing you well.....
Hugs,
Danielle


Danielle, I keep hearing from people that I'm having more ups then downs. It's good to hear and I hope it's true. Unfortunately for me, the downs stand out more. I guess it's in my nature.

As for ups. Today I could look in the mirror without distress. I did not see her but the feminine look must have been coming through. Lori said, after I mentioned it, that I was 'projecting my femininity' today.

Quote from: LizK on August 11, 2018, 03:54:31 PM
I love my hair (my God I never ever thought I would say that) and really love taking care of it...however what I really like is to play with putting a colour in it. I must admit I am really conservative with my colour choice which comes from being "colour challenged"  but the end result is always great. I think if you are having a highlight the brighter the better as it will draw the eye to your hair. Just my 50cents worth  ;D

Take care

Liz

I don't know. I figured lavender wouldn't stand out as much if something went wrong  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on August 11, 2018, 04:32:55 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 11, 2018, 04:06:51 PM

I don't know. I figured lavender wouldn't stand out as much if something went wrong  ;D

Good Point faith...it worst comes to worst you may have to bleach it out and start again if you don't like the colour. Colour is good!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 12, 2018, 05:27:23 PM
highlight - Done. I had three young gals, I called them "the Rainbow Girls" all fussing over me. They chose the outfit that I should wear tomorrow at work, I don't know about that. We'll see. Not without stockings, that's for sure.

I do have a couple images uploaded, I'll not post them publicly. If you are really interested, PM me, I'll give you a link. It's a shorter skirt rather then maxi. I do not like my lower legs showing. I'm ok in shorts .. go figure.

the images aren't great, poor lighting. Couldn't do it outside, it was already dark.

It was fun doing and having gals fussing over you is nice. Maybe someday the result will be greater than the experience.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on August 13, 2018, 12:20:28 AM
But Michelle and I want to see the pics here.  Make it so.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 13, 2018, 07:25:26 AM
Quote from: Laurie on August 13, 2018, 12:20:28 AM
But Michelle and I want to see the pics here.  Make it so.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

no can do ... too ugly.  I sent you the link via PM. It's hard to see the highlight in the poor lighting though.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on August 13, 2018, 07:39:21 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 13, 2018, 07:25:26 AM
no can do ... too ugly.  I sent you the link via PM. It's hard to see the highlight in the poor lighting though.
Faith,
I understand you have a hard time with mirrors and are not happy with your self perception of how you look, but please stop using the word "ugly". You are NOT ugly! Not by a long shot. The word "ugly" itself is an ugly word that only serves to perpetuate negative feelings. Be kinder to yourself. We are usually the last ones the see what everyone else already sees. Trust your friends, and above all trust your wife when we say you look good. If the hair colour didn't turn out how you had hoped, just say it didn't turn out how you hoped. Leave words like "ugly" out of it. This is one way you can modify your outlook to feel better about yourself. The language we use is a powerful psychological tool.

If you do not feel comfortable posting photos in your thread, that is fine, no pressure. I would like to see the photos, so send me a PM if you don't feel comfortable posting in a public forum.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 13, 2018, 08:25:59 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on August 13, 2018, 07:39:21 AM
Faith,
I understand you have a hard time with mirrors and are not happy with your self perception of how you look, but please stop using the word "ugly". You are NOT ugly! Not by a long shot. The word "ugly" itself is an ugly word that only serves to perpetuate negative feelings. Be kinder to yourself. We are usually the last ones the see what everyone else already sees. Trust your friends, and above all trust your wife when we say you look good. If the hair colour didn't turn out how you had hoped, just say it didn't turn out how you hoped. Leave words like "ugly" out of it. This is one way you can modify your outlook to feel better about yourself. The language we use is a powerful psychological tool.

If you do not feel comfortable posting photos in your thread, that is fine, no pressure. I would like to see the photos, so send me a PM if you don't feel comfortable posting in a public forum.

Hugs,
Jayne

Jayne, don't get me wrong, I like my hair .. one of my defining features .. I even like it tinted. It turned out great. It's the rest of my head that's the problem :(

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on August 13, 2018, 08:58:51 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 13, 2018, 08:25:59 AM
Jayne, don't get me wrong, I like my hair .. one of my defining features .. I even like it tinted. It turned out great. It's the rest of my head that's the problem :(
Not a "problem" Faith, rather a work in progress. That is what I mean about language. Using more positive language really does work. It takes effort to talk positively about yourself when you don't believe it to be true, but it does get easier with practise. Give it a try for a while, you have nothing to lose. True beauty emanates from deep inside us. That is what we all see in you. I couldn't give you an honest opinion about how you look based purely on physical features. Once I start getting to know a person, as early as initial greeting, physical looks start becoming transparent, revealing a window to what's truly inside. That is what I am interested in when getting to know someone.

Faith, you are a beautiful person. I hope in due course, you will start to see that too!

Now I need to sleep because I am very tired and it's almost midnight.

Be kind to YOU!

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 13, 2018, 08:59:46 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 13, 2018, 07:25:26 AM
no can do ... too ugly.  I sent you the link via PM. It's hard to see the highlight in the poor lighting though.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Absolutely NO PRESSURE, NO OBLIGATION, for you or anyone here to post any pictures.
Believe me, there are some pictures of me that I do not want to post here either.   
It is entirely the member's personal decision to share or to not share any information, pictures, personal contact information, etc.

Now, after saying all of that....  just about all of us here that are in various stages transitioning have had moments of doubt about our appearance and progress, so you are not alone with your feelings.   All of your followers here on the Forums are your biggest fans and we are always here to encourage you and to share our thoughts with you.... and of course we are eager to see your pictures and see who we are talking to...  BUT again, it is YOUR decision and your option.   

All we can ask is that you consider continue doing what you have to do, and if you feel so led, keep posting and sharing your updates and life events that we can follow.... and know that we are here to rejoice with you in your good reports, and when they are not so good we will be here to support you with our comments and messages to with you.

So, Faith, hang in there, and please continue keeping your thread updated as you see fit and as you feel comfortable doing.
Hugs and well wishes, as aways,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 13, 2018, 09:26:43 AM
Danielle. I freely admit that I have severe face and body dysphoria. I acknowledge this but acknowledgement doesn't equal acceptance. I see what I see and very rarely does it cut through and look different. The plus is, it does cut through sometimes and I look forward to each one. It never shows, to me, in pictures.

That said, here is one picture of me being fussed over that I can tolerate that I will share. Clickable link, not embedded. That way others can see it easy but it doesn't jump out at me. My nieces are ok with pictures being posted, I asked them already.

Very poor lighting, photographers we are not.
https://i.imgur.com/zcrUit5.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/zcrUit5.jpg)

I cannot bring myselt to link a finished product image. Anyone wanting to see that will have to send me a PM request. Why anyone would is beyond me though.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 13, 2018, 09:36:14 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 13, 2018, 09:26:43 AM
Danielle. I freely admit that I have severe face and body dysphoria. I acknowledge this but acknowledgement doesn't equal acceptance. I see what I see and very rarely does it cut through and look different. The plus is, it does cut through sometimes and I look forward to each one. It never shows, to me, in pictures.

That said, here is one picture of me being fussed over that I can tolerate that I will share. Clickable link, not embedded. That way others can see it easy but it doesn't jump out at me. My nieces are ok with pictures being posted, I asked them already.

Very poor lighting, photographers we are not.
https://i.imgur.com/zcrUit5.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/zcrUit5.jpg)

I cannot bring myselt to link a finished product image. Anyone wanting to see that will have to send me a PM request. Why anyone would is beyond me though.

@Faith
My dear Faith:
My oh my....... I viewed your photo and I have to honestly tell you that you have absolutely NOTHING to be shy of or ashamed of.   

I think the photo of you being "fussed over" by your young friends is terrific and you most certainly look great in my opinion.   Nothing to be ashamed of and if you finally do choose to post that picture or any similar pictures of yourself on your thread or anywhere on the various Forums threads I am most certain that you will get nothing but compliments and accolades.   

Please, if you can, muster all of your self-assurance and self-confidence that you can and continue to move forward toward your goals.

Just sayin............
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: BrianaJ on August 13, 2018, 09:40:10 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 13, 2018, 09:26:43 AM

That said, here is one picture of me being fussed over that I can tolerate that I will share. Clickable link, not embedded. That way others can see it easy but it doesn't jump out at me. My nieces are ok with pictures being posted, I asked them already.

Very poor lighting, photographers we are not.
https://i.imgur.com/zcrUit5.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/zcrUit5.jpg)

I cannot bring myselt to link a finished product image. Anyone wanting to see that will have to send me a PM request. Why anyone would is beyond me though.

Hi Faith,

I got brave and worked up the courage to take a look.  Awesome!  It looks like you were having a lot of fun and I'm sure it turned out very cute.  If only you could see what we see.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 13, 2018, 09:48:58 AM
Quote from: BrianaJ on August 13, 2018, 09:40:10 AM
Hi Faith,

I got brave and worked up the courage to take a look.  Awesome!  It looks like you were having a lot of fun and I'm sure it turned out very cute.  If only you could see what we see.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Yes, please listen to @BrianaJ .... "If only you could see what we see."

As is mentioned in many conversations here on the forums... we are our own worst critics.

Please Faith, we are your biggest fans here, we are not going to tell you something about your photos and appearance that we don't think would be true and supportive.

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 13, 2018, 11:39:01 AM
I wish to clarify: I don't discount, nor am I trying to invalidate, anyone's opinion here. I accept it and appreciate it. Sometimes I can come off wrong and I don't mean what I type (or how I type it).

I'm actually getting more comfortable in this skirt today (but not the cold legs .. brrrr, drafty!!). So, dress/apparel-wise I am moving forward nicely, coaxed and forced sometimes, but forward. I've always had an eye for what looks good, I just have trouble seeing it when I wear it. That male look gets in my way.

Anyway, testing to see if Laurie and Michelle are paying attention, if they will put their heads together and choose one of the photos in the album that I linked them to, I will link one photo in a post (not embedded  :o ) for others to view.

It is my own insecurity that I am trying to avoid, not deprive others of the chance to satisfy their curiosity.

Thank you all for your comments and feedback, I really do appreciate it.
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 13, 2018, 06:28:54 PM
While we wait for Laurie and Michelle to pick the least ugly picture - yup, made me think of you Jayne .. um, not sayin' you're ugly cause you're not. Just because of how you went off on me and .. hmm, I'm over-explainin' ain't I .....

Anyways, while we wait, I thought I'd post about something that happened last night which slipped my mind.

After my doo and was all dressed up, Lori dressed up too and .... we went to Walmart to strut, I mean shop. Before that we stopped at my daughters house. I almost didn't go in. They've not seen me in a skirt or dress yet. As I walked in the door my 6 year old granddaughter looked over at me and said, "Grandpa, you look beautiful ........ You look weird."

Leave it to little ones to give you both ends of the spectrum at the same time :/
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 13, 2018, 07:00:57 PM
Faith that is such a nice photo of the girls taking care of you.  Your look is priceless!
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on August 13, 2018, 11:52:33 PM
Hiya Faith,

I won't say anything about the "ugly" comment. You know what I'm thinking and you don't need me to harp on about it.

Your granddaughter sounds really cool. They are so innocent and unaffected by society at that young age that they will always speak their mind. There is never any wonder if they are just being nice. She must melt your heart every time she comes out with special comments like "beautiful" and "weird" in the same breath. Beautiful.....well, we have all been telling you that for some time now. Weird......I guess to a 6 year old seeing her grandpa transform from a man to a woman would create some confusion in her mind and associating the word "beautiful" with "grandpa" must feel unusual to her.

Great update. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on August 14, 2018, 05:36:17 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 13, 2018, 09:26:43 AM
Danielle. I freely admit that I have severe face and body dysphoria. I acknowledge this but acknowledgement doesn't equal acceptance. I see what I see and very rarely does it cut through and look different. The plus is, it does cut through sometimes and I look forward to each one. It never shows, to me, in pictures.

That said, here is one picture of me being fussed over that I can tolerate that I will share. Clickable link, not embedded. That way others can see it easy but it doesn't jump out at me. My nieces are ok with pictures being posted, I asked them already.



I cannot bring myselt to link a finished product image. Anyone wanting to see that will have to send me a PM request. Why anyone would is beyond me though.


I like the "being fussed over" part, probably why I enjoy haveing my hair done so much...never used to like to be fussed over at all but I  have found it rather nice when I have actually allowed it. It happens so rarely...sigh


I hear you when it comes to seeing pics of yourself. I love it when I see "her" in them but it tears me up inside as well as outside when I can't or just see "him". The worst part for me about that is that I stopped looking because I hated to see "him" but what I also missed out on was seeing "her" I know it can be a bit like playing emotional russian roulette but each time I saw her she got a bit stronger.


I hope it turned out how you wanted


Takle care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 14, 2018, 06:29:57 AM
Jayne, Yes, little ones absolutely speak their minds, my granddaughter is an expert at it without even trying. At least with her, 99% of the time, it's actually OK and not rude or insulting.

Liz, I'm glad you stopped in. Something in the way that you post resonates with me. I peruse your thread regularly throughout the day. I don't have an answer for your enhancements question, I can't even answer my own (except to say that I'm broke so it doesn't matter). And, yes, while my hair isn't exactly how I envisioned it, I am quite happy with it.

Judi .. a new 'face' in my thread. Welcome. Most of my nieces are 30ish. All of them are rainbow or supporters. They're awesome.

How did my day go yesterday that no one asked about  ( :D ) ... well ... it went well. I've never had so many compliments in one day, both about my hair and my outfit. Oddly, they didn't mention my face, guess I can't blame them ........

OHHH BRIANA!!
Too many replies, I'm losing track. I'm not sure what you saw but I saw lots of fussy hovering while I was sitting there :P

Danielle (sorry no @mentions for anyone, they don't work on my browser). You're really almost too positive and upbeat for me .... don't change!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 15, 2018, 05:50:09 AM
as promised. Laurie and Michelle picked out a couple pictures to link in. It was supposed to be one, maybe they couldn't agree (uh-ohhh)

I don't see any signs of a woman in there but, I did say I would link it in so here they are:

another fuss picture:
https://i.imgur.com/YltGxej.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/YltGxej.jpg)

and one ¿finished? product picture:
https://i.imgur.com/WGDkYnZ.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/WGDkYnZ.jpg)

maybe someday the woman will show up.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on August 15, 2018, 06:04:41 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 15, 2018, 05:50:09 AM

I don't see any signs of a woman in there but, I did say I would link it in so here they are:

maybe someday the woman will show up.

Faith that just sucks!! I wish I could take your photograph so I could show you what I see. I know how it feels to constantly look at peoples progress pictures and see their "her" in every one of them except your own. I hope that changes for you soon because "she" is there.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 15, 2018, 02:25:35 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 15, 2018, 05:50:09 AM
as promised. Laurie and Michelle picked out a couple pictures to link in. It was supposed to be one, maybe they couldn't agree (uh-ohhh)

I don't see any signs of a woman in there but, I did say I would link it in so here they are:

another fuss picture:
https://i.imgur.com/YltGxej.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/YltGxej.jpg)

and one ¿finished? product picture:
https://i.imgur.com/WGDkYnZ.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/WGDkYnZ.jpg)

maybe someday the woman will show up.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Please go easy on yourself. ...
... and @LizK  is correct... we all wish that you could see what others see ...

As I have mentioned in a previous comment on your thread we tend to be our own worst critics.... we tend to be too close to the forest to see the trees.   
Your two photos are wonderful.

The "finished product" photo show you as very beautiful in so many ways.  Perhaps when you feel comfortable about doing it you can use that picture or others like it as your new and beautiful Avatar-Profile picture.

Thank you for posting and sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on August 15, 2018, 03:05:06 PM
Holy moly!!! Faith, the finish product picture is amazing!!! You look fantastic, feminine and the best smile I have seen on you so far. There is no "him" in that photo, only "her". WOW!!!!!

I second Danielle's vote to make that your profile picture. Of course only if you are comfortable doing so, no pressure.

I love your smile. You look so happy.  Keep in doing whatever you are doing. "She" will eventually become visible to you just as we have been seeing her for quite some time now. Your brain needs to adjust to seeing the new you.

Did I mention you look fantastic!!!!!

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on August 15, 2018, 04:42:14 PM
 
  Hi Faith,

   Michelle and I agreed on Both pictures. The finished picture was the one we both liked for the smile in your eyes aa well as the one with your mouth. In it we could see that beautiful lady within in you peering out. The other picture we picked out for the "pictures or it didn't happen" value. That and the fun you and the girls were having. There is fun and joy within you Faith that goes beyond the words used to describe it. Open your eyes and see that lady within.

Hugs,
  Michelle & Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on August 15, 2018, 05:10:41 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 15, 2018, 05:50:09 AM
and one ¿finished? product picture:
https://i.imgur.com/WGDkYnZ.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/WGDkYnZ.jpg)

maybe someday the woman will show up.
Aw, hun, I wish you could see what we see.  You are a beautiful woman.  I love your smile!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 16, 2018, 07:36:36 AM
Liz, Danielle, Jayne, Laurie & Michelle .. thank you .. I still can't see 'her' in any photo. I should add that Lori took one look at the smiling picture and agreed with all of you. She said she saw all woman, no man at all. I wish that I could :( I despair of ever really seeing 'her' on any regular basis.


normal grump: I slept wrong and I have a pinch between my shoulder blades. I can't sit up straight, the shooting pain is too intense. It's constant down my arm, worse if I straighten up. It'll work out, it's happened before, hopefully sooner than later.


It was a mood swing night last night for both Lori and me. I was feeling better when she got home for lunch (evening shift) and looking forward to seeing her. She was tired and bummed from over-thinking things. I couldn't get an answer from her then. I stood on the steps and watched her head back to work feeling bad that I couldn't help her improve her day. I ended up changing into the dumpiest clothes I could find to fit my mood.

She felt better after she got home, it was already late, we ended up staying up longer talking through things and snuggling a bit.

I coaxed out of her what made her depressed earlier ... me. She was pondering finances trying to figure out how to pay for everything ... GRS/SRS/whatever acronym ... and coming up short. We have too many things to get fixed, I'm not on the list. I told her as much. I try not to think about it because we are not in a position financially to do anything, probably never will be.

On a plus note, she said that when she backed out of the drive to head back to work she had to stop and look at me. She said that I was really projecting my feminine side and looked very beautiful. I think it was rain-blur. Like using a soft-focus lens to hide all the flaws.

I had more to say, CRS is kicking in. Maybe later ...

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 16, 2018, 10:39:17 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Reading your update....  Thanks for posting your everyday, normal life events, good and bad, etc. ....  life is not always rosy and happy and it is not always bad news.   My days are usually a mix of both.

Writing out these things is certainly a good way for you to personally process your life events and to explore your feelings....   I know that from personal experience that when I am on the roller coaster of life and having emotional turmoil that jotting a few things down on my thread... and on my pen and paper journal...  is really calming.

Thank you again for your update....   and do take your followers word for it, you looked terrific in your latest pictures...  we have no reason to candy-coat our comments about that .... 

I am always looking for your latest updates on your thread and your comments around the forums.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on August 16, 2018, 05:32:42 PM
Faith, you know me well enough now, I guess, to know I'm not going to go over the top. That picture is really good, my friend. And I am so proud of you for making it your avatar. I hope you leave it up forever - at least until the next great pic. Congratulations!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on August 16, 2018, 06:29:03 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 16, 2018, 05:32:42 PMAnd I am so proud of you for making it your avatar.

YES!!  Your new avatar looks lovely, Faith.  Thank you for putting it up.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 16, 2018, 08:54:17 PM
Thanks for the welcome.  I've been reading your thread for quite a while. 

I love your new avatar!  Keep smiling!
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on August 16, 2018, 10:05:09 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 16, 2018, 07:36:36 AM

She felt better after she got home, it was already late, we ended up staying up longer talking through things and snuggling a bit.

I coaxed out of her what made her depressed earlier ... me. She was pondering finances trying to figure out how to pay for everything ... GRS/SRS/whatever acronym ... and coming up short. We have too many things to get fixed, I'm not on the list. I told her as much. I try not to think about it because we are not in a position financially to do anything, probably never will be.

On a plus note, she said that when she backed out of the drive to head back to work she had to stop and look at me. She said that I was really projecting my feminine side and looked very beautiful. I think it was rain-blur. Like using a soft-focus lens to hide all the flaws.

I had more to say, CRS is kicking in. Maybe later ...

Faith

Lori sounds pretty amazing. She really looks out for you. When she says she can see you projecting your feminie side I bet she isn't talking just about the appearance stuff. What a fantastic ally to have.

I hope you are able to do the things you need to make you feel as whole and complete as you can, I know how difficult it can be to find a way to fund  these things. I hope you do get on the list and in fact I hope you make it too the top.

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 17, 2018, 06:31:43 AM
I'll try not to be too grumpy in my replies. Yep, it's one of those mornings. I woke up late, very late, had to rush through everything. Hit the closet and nothing was suitable. No matter what I tried it wasn't a match or fit for whatever the heck my head wanted. I ended up with a black top and jeans. Suits my mood, I suppose, all dingy and dark. I feel like curling up but I don't think that'd go over well at work.

Stephanie, I know you can't go over the top, there's nowhere to go from the top of the fridge.

I want to thank everyone on their compliments about my profile pic. I am not sure how long I can leave it up. While I agree that it's one of the better pictures of me, I don't think I can handle that guy staring at me every time I post even with a smile on his face.

JUDI!! Sorry, I missed mentioning you earlier. Welcome to the abyss, I hope I don't drag you down. There's a whole bunch of 'don't do it like I did' in my thread. Thank you for the compliment (I'm still trying to learn how to accept compliments, I'm a WiP)

Liz, as always, a voice of straight talk. Thank you for that. I hope I don't chase you away. Yes, Lori is amazing. I feel bad that she's set aside some of her own misgivings to help me becomes whomever I need to be. I do believe I would have dug a deep hole and jumped in without her here beside me to hold my belt.


With that said, let me recount something that happened yesterday evening that should make me feel good today still ... but doesn't.

Lori had to work late, short lunch so no time to come home. I packed up a few edibles and met her at work. I was early (still wearing my work outfit) so I had to wait. There was a bench seat conveniently across from where she was so I plopped down and proceeded to wait. She noticed me after a bit, I think her smile got bigger when she saw me. Hard to tell, she smiles all the time.

After she finished up and clocked out for lunch, she told me that one of the gals asked "Who is the woman waiting for you?" O.O Her answer was, "That's my husband" exacting a silent response. Maybe someday the response will be, "That's Faith" and leave it at that. spouse/so/partner don't sound right for me. Husband is fine, just sometimes let it slide with less info, you know?


I wasn't going to log in today. I didn't want to leave my thread hanging with unacknowledged compliments so here I am.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on August 17, 2018, 08:07:41 AM
Hi Faith,

Sorry you were having a couple down days. They happen. Lori is a great lady, always thinking of you. You are a very lucky gal to have her.

Love your new profile pic. That is definitely the best photo I have seen of you. That is a lovely, genuine smile. You look very happy and totally feminine. There is no man in that picture at all. I hope you leave it as your profile picture long enough for you to start seeing what the rest of us see. I would really love for you to see what we all see, because there is a very lovely woman looking back at you.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 17, 2018, 09:40:29 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on August 17, 2018, 08:07:41 AM
Hi Faith,

Sorry you were having a couple down days. They happen. Lori is a great lady, always thinking of you. You are a very lucky gal to have her.

Love your new profile pic. That is definitely the best photo I have seen of you. That is a lovely, genuine smile. You look very happy and totally feminine. There is no man in that picture at all. I hope you leave it as your profile picture long enough for you to start seeing what the rest of us see. I would really love for you to see what we all see, because there is a very lovely woman looking back at you.

Hugs,
Jayne

It'll work out, hopefully, eventually. In the meantime there's **boobage**  They are most definitely more full .. fuller? .. have fullness? ... rather than just pointing, and they haven't stopped yet. It's still up in the air where it'll end. My family has both sides of the size spectrum so I have no idea what to expect long term.

A little bit of gain in the hips and shrinkage in the waist helps the overall ratio. They still don't come close to balancing out my shoulders though :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 17, 2018, 10:15:41 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 17, 2018, 09:40:29 AM
It'll work out, hopefully, eventually. In the meantime there's **boobage** They are most definitely more full .. fuller? .. have fullness? ... rather than just pointing, and they haven't stopped yet. It's still up in the air where it'll end. My family has both sides of the size spectrum so I have no idea what to expect long term.

A little bit of gain in the hips and shrinkage in the waist helps the overall ratio. They still don't come close to balancing out my shoulders though :(

@Faith
Dear Faith:   
Yes indeed, your picture that you posted as your new Avatar/Profile photo look amazing as all of your followers have been telling you.  It is nice for us to see a picture of you when we come to your thread and to your various postings around the forums... always good to put a face to the words that we all exchange with each other.

This is a good first step in accepting yourself... thank you for sharing all of your latest photos... and keeping us updated with regard to your transition progress.

ahhhhh.......  **there's boobage**
In my own experience my breasts started to grow within a few months of starting HRT... beginning with lumps under each nipple.... and sore and erect nipples.....  then by ONE YEAR I had A Cups and by 1 1/2 years things had progressed to a B Cup, at that point I was able to go to full-time and my boobs keep growning until now, 3 1/2  YEARS into HRT they are a C Cup.   I  think and I hope that they have stopped there.... I lead a very active lifestyle and I do not want any more.

So, Faith, have faith in yourself, please stay positive about yourself.
Thank you for keeping your thread updated.

Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: mm on August 18, 2018, 06:57:18 AM
Very true, Danielle, boobs are great but can get in the way when they are too large, C's are probably best for most girls who are active like you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 18, 2018, 07:44:29 AM
stuck at work today, no time to play. But, a quick update won't hurt

I posted that on 07/30/2018, my bust size was 39.5"
Well, last night we remeasured (had to brag to a family member) and I am 40.5"

Also, an addendum:
It is now Faith 0, everyone else 111111 ... whatever.

So far I am the only person that sees a guy in my profile picture (or the source image)

I'm such a loser ... I'll take it with a smile :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on August 18, 2018, 08:42:49 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 18, 2018, 07:44:29 AM
stuck at work today, no time to play. But, a quick update won't hurt

I posted that on 07/30/2018, my bust size was 39.5"
Well, last night we remeasured (had to brag to a family member) and I am 40.5"

Also, an addendum:
It is now Faith 0, everyone else 111111 ... whatever.

So far I am the only person that sees a guy in my profile picture (or the source image)

I'm such a loser ... I'll take it with a smile [emoji4]
Hi Faith,

Boob growth!! Yay!!!

Don't beat yourself up about being the only person to see a guy in the photos. As has been stated before, we are always our own worst critics. It takes more time for our own brains to be "reprogrammed" with the changing visuals we see in the mirror or photos. The physical changes happen quicker than our brains can keep up. There is a lifetime of "stored" images of ourselves in our minds that interfere with what is actually in the mirror now. You are NOT a loser. Please don't refer to yourself that way.

At least you are taking it all with a smile. That is a positive sign. [emoji846]

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 18, 2018, 09:11:59 AM
YAY!! oh, and loser .. a positive loser .. it's OK :D

I fixed a typo in my post if you want to fix it in your quote :)

One more neato bit of information ... Last night we decided to go out to eat. Simple IHOP breakfat/dinner. Anyways, Lori wasn't quite ready so I turned to the waitress and made my order. I thought nothing of it. I turned to Lori and she had an odd look on her face.
I said, "What?"
She goes, "That was weird, I was going to order for you and you did fine."
"Why?"
"You sounded like a girl"

WOOT, without even consciously trying.


Quote from: Jayne01 on August 18, 2018, 08:42:49 AM
Hi Faith,

Boob growth!! Yay!!!

Don't beat yourself up about being the only person to see a guy in the photos. As has been stated before, we are always our own worst critics. It takes more time for our own brains to be "reprogrammed" with the changing visuals we see in the mirror or photos. The physical changes happen quicker than our brains can keep up. There is a lifetime of "stored" images of ourselves in our minds that interfere with what is actually in the mirror now. You are NOT a loser. Please don't refer to yourself that way.

At least you are taking it all with a smile. That is a positive sign. [emoji846]

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on August 18, 2018, 09:23:45 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 18, 2018, 09:11:59 AM
"You sounded like a girl"

WOOT, without even consciously trying.

Wow, Faith, boob growth and sounding like a girl without even trying!  You are on a roll!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on August 18, 2018, 10:04:30 AM
What Kathy said ^^^^^^^

Wooooohoooooo!!!

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 18, 2018, 01:53:31 PM
Quote from: Faith on August 18, 2018, 07:44:29 AM...Also, an addendum:
It is now Faith 0, everyone else 111111 ... whatever ....

So far I am the only person that sees a guy in my profile picture (or the source image)

I'm such a loser ... I'll take it with a smile :)

I just lost another vote, my ratio is horrible. This is one vote, though, that I am more than happy to lose.
On the downside, I still don't see it for myself :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on August 18, 2018, 06:53:25 PM
I leave the place for 2 seconds and when i get back we have boobage and girl voices all happening...Good for you Faith.  ;D

I read with interest your comment about how Lori spoke of you to her colleagues. My wife has never told her work colleagues and continues to refer to me in male terms. So I understand what a delicate situation this can be.  Having said that I understand that "whos that woman...thats Faith" is far simpler and less distressing response as it needs no further explanation.

Congrats on doing so well with your voice...that can be quite nerve wracking in public.

As far as the Avatar goes if it causes you distress then you do whats best for you. Keep taking pics until you find one you like.

Take care
Liz

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 18, 2018, 07:22:45 PM
Hey Liz

I don't have any problem with Lori calling me her husband. I am her husband, I have been for 36 years. I will be until she decides otherwise, or not. I'm OK with that. I mentioned it to her as an option, not because it bothered me. There's no question that people she works with knows, she's not trying to hide it.

The voice was a surprise to me, I wasn't trying. I'd probably screw it up if I tried it on purpose.

The current avatar doesn't distress me like others did/do. I still cannot look at the others. This ones fault is that all I see is a man when everyone else sees a woman ... I want to see the woman. :(

More boobage!! .. WOO :D They are the one thing that I consciously wanted even when in denial and hiding from myself. I don't want huge, nope, I do need some more though.  Sizes vary dramatically in my family, there's no telling where I'll end up.

Anyways, off to bed.
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 19, 2018, 09:31:22 AM
On to something I don't normally share, but I need to get it out. I will generalize though.

Lori and I didn't go to sleep right away last night. Sex for her waned some time ago, way before transition started. I slowed down as well and for the past year or so we've been on the same libido level. Well, something changed for me at least. I wouldn't call it libido, I still don't have a strong desire to do anything ... except .. when she kisses me. I'm not much for idioms but OMG. Recently one kiss ties my stomach into knots. Thinking about kissing her has the same intensity. We were hugging last night and she kissed my neck (she's short, it's an easy target), my knees almost gave out.

I hinted at maybe doing something about it, she avoided it. I managed to get out that she had no interest in the, shall we say, full act. I reassured her that I had no interest in that direction either, this was different. In not so many words, we found an outlet and upon .. um .. completion .. OMG again. Intense doesn't describe. To top it off (yep, more), I started crying immediately with no chance to hold it in, it just burst out. That is a 'never happened before' scenario.

I won't say anything further, no need for elaborate descriptions. We keep our private life (such as it is) private but in this case, I had to express myself.

Faith

¿Where's the spoiler code?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on August 19, 2018, 09:35:08 AM
Wow, sounds great, Faith!  I'm just a bit jealous.  :-\
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 21, 2018, 09:39:12 AM
Thanks Kathy, but jealous?
I think I was too descriptive and scared people off. :-\


Last night Lori and I went to her Mom's (actually her oldest sister's who is housing her). I think I surprised her because she was talking about it the night before that and I told her to wait for me and we'd go together. Old me would never have gone in the first place or I would have lumped myself in the corner and waited to leave. It was a rather pleasant sit down visit.  Things are changing, I think.

It was a nice end to a long great day.


Today I'm at work, new skirt & top. Still not sure about showing my lower legs but I am getting compliments and hugs. I guess I need to not worry about it so much.  I am very comfortable in skirts/dresses otherwise which surprises me considering my aversion at the start.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on August 21, 2018, 02:12:49 PM
Hi Faith,

  You haven't scared me off. In fact I very much enjoyed your last two posts. Besides being a bit envious maybe, it was good to read. Hopefully it is the start of change for you that many of us have been waiting to see in you. She is there in you and struggling to come out. We are all rooting for her Faith.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 22, 2018, 02:35:34 AM
Quote from: Faith on August 21, 2018, 09:39:12 AM
Thanks Kathy, but jealous?
I think I was too descriptive and scared people off. :-\


Last night Lori and I went to her Mom's (actually her oldest sister's who is housing her). I think I surprised her because she was talking about it the night before that and I told her to wait for me and we'd go together. Old me would never have gone in the first place or I would have lumped myself in the corner and waited to leave. It was a rather pleasant sit down visit.  Things are changing, I think.

It was a nice end to a long great day.


Today I'm at work, new skirt & top. Still not sure about showing my lower legs but I am getting compliments and hugs. I guess I need to not worry about it so much.  I am very comfortable in skirts/dresses otherwise which surprises me considering my aversion at the start.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
This is such good and exciting news... dressing at work, new skirt and top....  I am certain that the entire outfit and presentation of the new you was on display in a good way... and you recieved compliments and hugs. WOW 

All those things should be a confirmation to you that your transition journey is moving along quite well....  and there is nothing wrong with showing your legs... and a little skin elsewhere in a respectable way.   

Women's clothing is so very much different that what you were accustomed to... tighter fitting tops and bottoms, showing more curves, showing shoulders and legs.... oh and the shoes too!
 
Thank you so very much for keeping your avatar/profile picture up.... you are very beautiful ... and your hair is terrific.  When seeking your postings it is very nice to find your picture!!!

Keep us all updated with the good and with the bad...  we will rejoice with you in the good reports and support you and hug you in the not so good reports.   We are your biggest fans.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on August 22, 2018, 06:03:58 AM
minor update to thank certain people for putting up with me and my tendency to over-react in a negative way.


Danielle, The only reason that my profile picture is still up is because so many have asked me to leave it there. I am really having trouble with seeing it all the time in my postings. If there were a way to remove it only from the top of the page, it wouldn't be quite so bad. I have to scroll down really fast on every page load/refresh.


referring to pictures. I deleted some faceapp pictures in one of my 'over-react' moments. I like these pictures because they still look a bit like me. If the time ever comes to fix my nose (deviated septum) I'm going to ask them to tweak it a bit while they are in there (up there?). I know I'll never get to look like what the pictures depict, I just think that they are good reference photos for the direction that I'd like to go ... not that it'll ever happen, I hate being realistic. So, for the person that got a glimpse of these pics before I removed them .. here they are for everyone to see.

1st up, this is the picture currently used for my work ID badge. I call it my younger self even though I never looked like that. Most every ID badge at work is their original photo from when they started. I started 10 years ago so who's to know?
(https://i.imgur.com/sW1M5vW.jpg)

The other two I keep for wishful thinking
(https://i.imgur.com/3NvVQV2.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/m84lyTZ.jpg)

One of these photo's is likely only if the stars align, all three are most unlikely .. but I can dream .....
The last one is closest to what I look like now (albiet, much better) except that I have a lot more hair now.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 22, 2018, 01:03:28 PM
I think the face app stuff is interesting but as you can see it's not reality.  That said, I think you can learn something from the photos.  The few that I see are that bangs work well with your face and that shoulder length looks flattering.  Maybe not actually cutting bangs but combed hair over your forehead.  I Had hair down my back but after coloring the silver away, I got it cut.  After several cuts I decided a bob, cut just above but not touching my shoulders works well for me.  It's also more fem looking. 

The other thing I see (which I have used to my benefit too) is the softness the app provides.  After trying too hard, I have gotten so much better with make up.  I try to go as light and natural as possible.  I don't do my eyes unless its an event (wedding, etc).  Getting a nice arc at the brow is feminizing too!  I see a different person when I get made up, even just for grocery shopping.   

As others have said you are maybe being a little too critical of yourself.  You look good.  Believe in yourself!!  We do.
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on August 22, 2018, 08:23:16 PM
Hi Faith,

I noticed your profile pic is gone again. That can only mean your mood is on a downward slide. I am sorry you are feeling this way. Perhaps the faceapp photos dampened your mood. That app is only something to have a bit of fun with, nothing more. If the profile pictures cause you so much discomfort, then by all means leave the space blank or perhaps post a cartoon picture or scenery or something like that. As you know, I and others think that you look great and like seeing your photo in your avatar but you need to be comfortable with it, so no pressure.

I hope I am wrong with my perception and you are actually in a better mood than I think you are.

Take care, and keep your updates coming. We value your comments.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 22, 2018, 08:36:06 PM
Faith I hope the removal of your avatar wasn't as a result of something I wrote.  If so I truly apologize.  As I wrote, you look great but as Jayne notes you need to be comfortable with what you post.  Hugs, 
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 02, 2018, 12:18:40 PM
I am going to make a minor update (easier now that some manipulative admin got it unlocked)

Today I wore a bikini .. normal two piece .. while working around and mowing the yard. Not fully public since I live in the boonies but there were plenty of drive-by's - some  that  waved so they saw me. My son's first reaction was "You look weird". Not stupid or bad or even good, just weird. Never having seem me this way that makes total sense .. I felt kind of weird. I told him, "Only one way to get used to it."

It's tempting to send a picture to Danielle for the sweaty composition but I don't think I can - I can't manage it
scratch that. I saw the pictures .. scary ...



for comparative HRT results, here is some test info. My next blood draw is on the 11th so about a week after that should be a new set of results.

Quote12/29/2017
TESTOSTERONE      703   ng/dL

05/09/2018
Estradiol         125.2                                   pg/mL     P1
Adult Female
Follicular phase   12.5 - 166.0
Ovulation phase      85.8 - 498.0
Luteal phase      43.8 - 211.0
Postmenopausal      <6.  - 54.7
Pregnancy
1st trimester      215.0 -> 4300.0
Girls (1-10 years)   6.0 - 27.0

06/13/2018
TESTOSTERONE      201   H  ng/dL

06/22/2018
eGFR            46   mL/min/1.73 m^2
NORMAL:                    >60 mL/min/sq meters
ACUTE RENAL FAILURE:     30-50 mL/min/sq meters
CHRONIC RENAL FAILURE:   15-30 mL/min/sq meters

I threw in my kidney info, the numbers are pertinent to what mediations I can use. Before anyone panics about the 46, I used to be around 32 .. it's improving.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Dena on September 02, 2018, 01:43:07 PM
The estradiol numbers are looking good but the T is still a little high. Until we see the next test and to verify if there is a downward trend I am reserving judgement. T doesn't drop overnight so hopefully the next test will show a lower number.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 02, 2018, 02:17:02 PM
I started spiro about three months after estradiol due to the blood pressure meds I was on.

Quote from: Dena on September 02, 2018, 01:43:07 PM
The estradiol numbers are looking good but the T is still a little high. Until we see the next test and to verify if there is a downward trend I am reserving judgement. T doesn't drop overnight so hopefully the next test will show a lower number.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on September 02, 2018, 08:00:05 PM
Hi Faith,

Out mowing the lawn in a two piece bikini!!! You go girl!!!!

Thanks for the update. Good to see you back. I can't say that the blood test results mean anything to me. We use different units of measure here but even with my own results, they are just arbitrary numbers. The important thing is how you feel. If you are feeling good, then the levels are right for you. I knew my first hormone implant was wearing off before having a blood test. I just felt different, something felt a little off. After having a blood test, it was confirmed that my E levels had dropped, indicating my implant was coming to the end of its useful life. After getting a new implant, I started to feel right again. I have no idea what my levels are and I won't know until I start feeling a change again and having another blood test.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on September 02, 2018, 08:47:21 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 02, 2018, 12:18:40 PM
I am going to make a minor update (easier now that some manipulative admin got it unlocked)

Today I wore a bikini .. normal two piece .. while working around and mowing the yard.

Mowing the lawns in a bikini...OUCH  now that could have ended badly from an Occupational Health and Safety point of view :icon_yikes: LOL but more power to you...Just kidding nice to see you posting

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 02, 2018, 10:14:02 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I am so glad to read that your blood test came back showing an improvement in your Kidney Function.  I hope the improvement continues for you.

Hmmm, why are you teasing us so regarding you wearing your bikini.... and mowing your lawn with it on????   Just so you know, my "hot and sweaty" picture montage is temporarily on a back burner but you are most welcome to have me utilize one of your pictures when and if you feel so led.

Your recent pictures that you posted plus the "younger Faith" picture that you are using for your work ID badge all look terrific, nothing to be ashamed of at all.  Please believe me and all of your other followers that made similar positive comments after seeing your photos.

Thank you for you update post.  Your followers are a curious bunch and we want to rejoice with you when you have good things to report.... and we will support you with our words, thoughts and encouragement when you report not so good things.

I am so very glad that your thread is unlocked and is now open for business again.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle


Quote from: Faith on September 02, 2018, 12:18:40 PM
I am going to make a minor update (easier now that some manipulative admin got it unlocked)

Today I wore a bikini .. normal two piece .. while working around and mowing the yard. Not fully public since I live in the boonies but there were plenty of drive-by's - some  that  waved so they saw me. My son's first reaction was "You look weird". Not stupid or bad or even good, just weird. Never having seem me this way that makes total sense .. I felt kind of weird. I told him, "Only one way to get used to it."

It's tempting to send a picture to Danielle for the sweaty composition but I don't think I can - I can't manage it
scratch that. I saw the pictures .. scary ...



for comparative HRT results, here is some test info. My next blood draw is on the 11th so about a week after that should be a new set of results.

I threw in my kidney info, the numbers are pertinent to what mediations I can use. Before anyone panics about the 46, I used to be around 32 .. it's improving.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on September 03, 2018, 01:51:39 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 02, 2018, 02:17:02 PM
I started spiro about three months after estradiol due to the blood pressure meds I was on.

I had borderline sodium-sensitive hypertension, and the spiro brought that nicely under control, so I could stop my extremely low sodium (700 mg/day or less) diet.

Since GCS I stopped spiro, and the hypertension has not returned in spite of my following a roughly 2,300 mg/day sodium intake.  Gosh, I wonder if there was some other factor involved in my hypertension?   ;D

Good to hear the kidney numbers are improving!  I'm trying diet to keep mine under control, tracking protein and trying to give myself a break from overloading.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 03, 2018, 06:06:49 PM
I believe the kidney issues derived from my high blood pressure. At first check 170+ something over something else high. I don't remember, I know that they panicked and said I was at stroke level. HBP directly affects the kidneys negatively and vice-versa, kidney issues cause HPB. Turns out my unmanaged HBP was the culprit. My BP runs about 110/60 now, on average. I also limit my protein to help the kidneys .. better safe ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cindy on September 03, 2018, 06:18:50 PM
I've never cut the lawn in a bikini but I did once wash my car on the front lawn while wearing a bikini. I had two male neighbours come over to help me. I thought that was a remarkably neighbourly thing to do.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 03, 2018, 06:49:22 PM
Quote from: Cindy on September 03, 2018, 06:18:50 PM
I've never cut the lawn in a bikini but I did once wash my car on the front lawn while wearing a bikini. I had two male neighbours come over to help me. I thought that was a remarkably neighbourly thing to do.  :laugh:

considering what I look like in one, if I had neighbors they'd gather together to point and stare, cast insults, and bemoan the ruination of their community.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on September 03, 2018, 07:06:44 PM
I am right there with you Faith, I believe my neighbors would grab their pitch forks and shovels and storm the castle as in old Frankenstein movies.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on September 04, 2018, 04:37:31 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 02, 2018, 10:14:02 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:

I aHmmm, why are you teasing us so regarding you wearing your bikini.... and mowing your lawn with it on????   ...
Y

I have seen the pictures and can vouch for Faith. She was wearing her bikini...not looking overly happy about being snapped but tolerating it pretty well  :D. Faith and I both agree that neither of us will ever make the cover of sports illustrated but then again, I still think still Faith has a far better chance than me of making that cover....I said to her that I thought she looked great but some how I don't think she was convinced. :laugh: More power to you girl I am not even brave enough to put one on.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 04, 2018, 07:31:36 AM
That's pretty cool that you actually had the guts to wear the bikini where you could actually be seen, regardless how isolated your yard is. The closest I've gotten is shorts and a sports bra while working in the yard. We're at the end of a cul-de-sac so we don't get a lot of traffic, but the mail lady came by while I was washing the car. What could I do but wave at her?

One of our neighbors is a snowbird who goes back to Maine for the summer every year, but encourages the rest of the neighborhood to use his pool (smart - we keep it clean for him). A few weekends ago we went down there, and knowing no one else was around, I wore my bikini. No problem. We went again the next day and that time I wore my two-piece, which covers a bit more skin. And two of my neighbors were already in the pool. For a millisecond I considered turning back, but instead I trooped in, laid out our lunch, turned on the tunes, and splashed in, all the time wondering what I'd have done if I was wearing the bikini instead. I came to the conclusion, probably the same thing. What the heck...

So good on ya, Faith! It's so cool to watch your confidence growing.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 06, 2018, 10:11:44 AM
Today started pretty awesome. Lori had me wear a different dress to work. She added a loops to clip a necklace to it and we made a special trip to the store for stockings last night. As I've mentioned elsewhere, I am very moody this week, things get me down easily.

I arrived at work all dolled up. I was heading for the entry door, a gentleman was quite a distance ahead of me. He waited at the door holding it open for me. He told me how great I looked and what a nice dress it was. And we're off to a great start ... and crash ... the day barely started, had to go to the restroom and .. a huge run in the stockings very wide and long, no way to hide it. Couple that with a few other things and my mood tanked, I almost broke down. I texted Lori to vent a bit.

The stockings were to help hide panty lines as well but I had to take them off. I pondered for a bit and as my mood settled out a bit I decided to cut the legs out so I could at least get a bit of smoothing out of them.

Lori tried to call me. I called her back to find out that she was near my work but got lost and needed directions. I had a suspicion why she was coming. Sure enough, I meet her outside and not only does she have new stocking, she bought a couple flowers for me to help make me feel better.

So, my loving wife had made a very out-of-the-way trip to come to my rescue ... I love my wife.

In honor of that, I will share a picture (you have to click the link, I'll not post it). She took it with my phone outside my work. It's not the best picture and you can really see my belly bloat (I put on 5 lbs in the past two days ACK!!). I think I can manage to share it as long as I don't have to look at it.

https://i.imgur.com/4jQLAWT.jpg?1 (https://i.imgur.com/4jQLAWT.jpg?1)

needless to say, my mood is much improved plus, I got more compliments. I think the day will end well ... unless I trip and fall on my face ...

I've got my words all jumbled in my head, I think I got it all out though.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 06, 2018, 10:17:50 AM
I love the dress, very becoming!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 06, 2018, 07:37:50 PM
thanks Judi.

I think I tripped and fell .. I ended the day totally miserable. I could not stop thinking about that belly bloat and how badly it detracted from the look. Even the flowers weren't enough. Maybe if I blur my face out of the pictures?

Here's a picture of the flowers:
(https://i.imgur.com/m9Hi9Usm.jpg)
Yes, they aren't real. We rarely buy real ones, huge expense for something that will die in a week.

Not sure who's bothering to read this, I'm probably typing to myself
... I know you are Judi so hush, let me wallow ...


Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on September 06, 2018, 07:52:16 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 06, 2018, 07:37:50 PM
thanks Judi.

I think I tripped and fell .. I ended the day totally miserable. I could not stop thinking about that belly bloat and how badly it detracted from the look. Even the flowers weren't enough. Maybe if I blur my face out of the pictures?

We always focus on what we think is the worst thing, while others often don't even notice.

Quote
Here's a picture of the flowers:
(https://i.imgur.com/m9Hi9Usm.jpg)
Yes, they aren't real. We rarely buy real ones, huge expense for something that will die in a week.

Not sure who's bothering to read this, I'm probably typing to myself
... I know you are Judi so hush, let me wallow ...

The flowers are very pretty.  I like the idea of gifting silk flowers or similar, as my gray thumb is quite rough on living plants and I am sure I am not the only one.

The purple dress is very nice, and I thought the necklace was unique and quite distinctive.  Bright metals against that dark fabric work well.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cindy on September 06, 2018, 08:01:27 PM
I like the purple dress! My style, except I now need a drop neck.

If you think you had a bad day, I put my back out a few days ago and I'm having problems even bending. I did create a new slogan though

'With a Laryngectomy no one can hear you scream' and no I don't need sympathy it was just a comment!

Actually not screaming takes a lot of the fun out having a pain, no one to moan to  :laugh:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 06, 2018, 09:25:38 PM
My lips are sealed. 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Dena on September 07, 2018, 12:55:57 AM
I am reading but just not saying very much. Whenever you have issues with your figure, go to the store and look around. So many women are carrying far more extra weight than you are. Besides that, you have a pretty good figure and it may get better as HRT moves stuff around. I found over about a year after resuming HRT that some of my belly ended up elsewhere. That was a good thing because I am not overweight so I couldn't lose it by diet.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 07, 2018, 05:50:13 AM
Michelle!! I've been reading through your make-over thread. Looking good. I hope it changes enough for you but not too much. I got used to how you look and I'd hate to see a picture and scratch my head wondering who is it. YES! it's all about me!!  no seriously, I hope it matches, or close to it, your minds eye. Watch out for that Laurie person, I hear she preps fridge tops when no one is looking. Maybe a pie trap? She'd look pretty good wearing whipped topping.

I have to paint my thumb green, it doesn't help btw, and Lori dried up a cactus once.

Judi, relative newcomer to my thread and already I look for your replies and comments. I have some lip-unsealer here somewhere ....

Cindy, I think I've mentioned panic cans before somewhere. Get one. Next time you have to scream, hit the button. People will know.

Dena, I'm working on that 'move around' bit. Lori says it's working. I felt like covering up last night so I wore loose jeans and a large t-shirt. She said it didn't hide anything. I guess that's progress :P

Thanks to all. I've looked better, no question. That belly really did a number on me. Lori didn't notice until she saw the picture. She said if that if she had she would have had me change and save it for another day. Not by being critical, she doesn't like it when her belly does the same thing and wants requires that I tell her so that she can change. We try to look out for each other on what looks good.

I am definitely my worst critic, I see the flaws and focus on them. Some of it relates to my lack of self-confidence and esteem issues. Same as with my postings here. When I don't see activity or responses I start to wilt and think about bailing out of the forum. Kind of hypocritical since I am one of the worst about being able to reply to others.

Enough of that, it's too early in the day to keep on with the self-analysis.

Take care everyone and thanks for just being here.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on September 07, 2018, 06:17:13 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 07, 2018, 05:50:13 AM

.....I have to paint my thumb green, it doesn't help btw, and Lori dried up a cactus once...,...

Take care everyone and thanks for just being here.

Faith

We were given this small plant with some claim on an attached card from the grower claiming that even the worst gardener in the world could not accidentally kill it, some kind of bamboo I think...they hadn't met my Meryl or obviously your Lori.  :D Although I can't really talk I have destroyed my fair share of perfectly healthy plants...between the two of us they don't really stand a chance  ;D My thumb isn't green its more insipid yellow

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 07, 2018, 06:32:37 AM
Faith, I too have a love-hate relationship with dresses.  I like how they look on other women; less so on me.  Most dresses don't look good on me.

Us trans women have some body characteristics that dress designers don't take into account.  For example, I take a Large in tops, but a Medium in bottoms.  There aren't too many dresses in those proportions.  And, despite losing weight, I still have a blob of belly fat that is emphasized by tight, straight dresses.  I have several dresses in my closet that I bought after listening to the encouragement of my wife, where really my own judgement ought to have prevailed.  They don't get worn much (or at all).

What I need for a dress to look right on me is a loose top, a loose, flowy skirt, and a defined waist.  These days, I am really picky about dresses.  I have a wedding to go to next week, for which I found a dress that doesn't look too bad, if I can keep my gut sucked in.  I might have to get some shapewear.  (Will post pics eventually - of the dress, not the shapewear!)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Angelic on September 07, 2018, 08:38:19 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 14, 2017, 02:47:56 PM
I am glad it's going well for you.
Yes, I would find it harder to talk to a male doctor.  I am just more comfortable around women.  Always have been.

Women, anthropologically speaking, are the sex that stays in the village and nurses the wounded. So it makes sense, that you feel more comfortable around female doctors.

When you are around a male doctor, there is this subconscious ancient feeling, that you are either out in the battlefield, being nursed to health by male tribesmen, or all the female doctors are unavailable, due to some cataclysm. So being around a male nurse would imply, to the ancient mind, that something is amiss.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 07, 2018, 08:55:41 AM
Quote from: Angelic on September 07, 2018, 08:38:19 AM
Women, anthropologically speaking, are the sex that stays in the village and nurses the wounded. So it makes sense, that you feel more comfortable around female doctors.

When you are around a male doctor, there is this subconscious ancient feeling, that you are either out in the battlefield, being nursed to health by male tribesmen, or all the female doctors are unavailable, due to some cataclysm. So being around a male nurse would imply, to the ancient mind, that something is amiss.

And yet, the ARNP I go to is one of the most intelligent, well-informed, understanding, and warm caregivers I've ever had, man or woman. I had always been more comfortable with women doctors, also, until I came out to him. He helped me understand that I need to be careful about assigning roles to anyone based on gender.

You'd think that we, of all people, would naturally understand that, but the societal "norms" we all grew up with are hard to overcome. That's also a lesson in understanding those who have a hard time getting used to us. None of us are immune.


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 07, 2018, 11:47:58 AM
"I am definitely my worst critic, I see the flaws and focus on them."
You are certainly not alone in this regard!  Women all tend to fixate on what we don't like.  I understand now what my wife has been saying for years!  Even my mother "counseled" me that women get a little tummy as we age.  No, Noooo!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on September 07, 2018, 11:57:06 AM
My gender preferences regarding doctors are largely influenced by some bad experiences growing up.  I wish I could get past these, but it is very difficult, so I will likely stick with an obvious gender bias in my preferred medical care providers.

I definitely have a bias, and I think I understand why, but it is very uncomfortable for me to push past this in the intimate patient/doctor relationship.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 07, 2018, 12:25:38 PM
I'm not sure that I have a Dr gender preference. I thought I might some time past and questioned it. Right now my GP is male and my PP Dr/practitioner is female. I am comfortable with both. I suppose it might change were I to require a more female gender specific care. My wife uses the same GP so is unlikely I'll ever have a problem unless he creates one (also unlikely).


My mood is on the upswing again as my 'week' winds down. I will really need to pay attention at the beginning of each month, no point making things worse than they need to be.


More compliments today about my outfit yesterday. I can look at the picture now as an overall rather than focusing on the flaw(s) .. except my face, I still have to ignore my face. I received lots of "you have better legs than I have" comments. Isn't that a trans give-away!!  :o :P

I guess that I need to accept the fact that I looked pretty OK yesterday.


A supportive co-worker with a long list of health issues, that I'll not get into, suffice to say, she has a lot of clothes and shoes that no longer fit and are in my size range. She offered them to me. As to when I'll see them, who knows, but at least the offer was presented.

I haven't lost much in my chest and shoulders so, unfortunately, I am still an XL or 1X on top and typically a medium on bottom ... darn that nasty masculine figure!!!


Oh, this weekends plans. Well, we have little things coming up so this weekend is set aside to get things presentable for Tia and Debi to grace us with their presence. Hopefully the catastrophe that is our home won't scare them away.

Well, that sums up my thoughts for now .. one more hour to kill and I can go home for the day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 08, 2018, 08:53:15 AM
Something that I've noticed about myself. For some time really as I've mentioned it before but now it's really having an effect. One of the things that twists my thoughts up so that I can't post anything. No matter how bad or awesome someones news is and how much I want to commiserate or congratulate and share, most of the words that come out are about me. I twist everything into 'about me' comments. I don't like it, I don't know what to do about it. I just want to share peoples joy without me getting in the way.

I'm going to go mow the yard, at least doing that I stop thinking.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on September 08, 2018, 02:21:43 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 08, 2018, 08:53:15 AM
Something that I've noticed about myself. For some time really as I've mentioned it before but now it's really having an effect. One of the things that twists my thoughts up so that I can't post anything. No matter how bad or awesome someones news is and how much I want to commiserate or congratulate and share, most of the words that come out are about me. I twist everything into 'about me' comments. I don't like it, I don't know what to do about it. I just want to share peoples joy without me getting in the way.

I'm going to go mow the yard, at least doing that I stop thinking.
Hi Faith,

What you describe is not uncommon. I do it myself. It is a way of relating to others. I have been trying to cut back on the number of times "I" and "me" is used in my own posts. It's not as easy to do as I'd like it to be. My literary skills are not that good.

I was about to say that one thing you could do is to try and phrase your words to not include the words "I", "me" or "my", but looking back through this short reply, I didn't do a very good job of that myself. So I will finish by saying that I understand what you are saying because I do the same thing. It doesn't bother me. I like reading your posts however you write them.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 08, 2018, 02:30:18 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on September 08, 2018, 02:21:43 PMI have been trying to cut back on the number of times "I" and "me" is used in my own posts. It's not as easy to do as I'd like it to be. My literary skills are not that good.

What Jayne said.

I too am painfully aware that I do this too.  The best I can do is to rationalize it by telling myself that my own experience and my own opinions are all that I have to offer.

When I read someone else's posts, it is their experiences and their opinions that I want, so maybe this is okay.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on September 08, 2018, 03:41:09 PM


Quote from: Faith on September 08, 2018, 08:53:15 AM
Something that I've noticed about myself. For some time really as I've mentioned it before but now it's really having an effect. One of the things that twists my thoughts up so that I can't post anything. No matter how bad or awesome someones news is and how much I want to commiserate or congratulate and share, most of the words that come out are about me. I twist everything into 'about me' comments. I don't like it, I don't know what to do about it. I just want to share peoples joy without me getting in the way.

I'm going to go mow the yard, at least doing that I stop thinking.

I totally understand this.

I have deleted so many posts before sending because of this.  I'll re-read a post before sending and realize it looks like I'm making it about me when that's not my intention. Then I have a hard time finding a way to say I can relate or sympathize or whatever it is without sounding generic or bland or insincere. 

But this is your thread so it's quite alright to make it about you.




Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on September 08, 2018, 03:49:16 PM
Actually, in posting, the "I" and "Me" sort of language often comes across better than other alternatives.  With these pronouns we are speaking from our own experiences or feelings on the topic.

This is very different from the phrasing that results from "You/Your" language.  When you use 'You' phrases, you are being proscriptive, imputing meaning onto others, and often telling them what they are doing or should be doing.  (See what I did there? ;) )

Language is funny stuff.  I try to be supportive rather than proscriptive, and adjust the pronouns I use accordingly.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 08, 2018, 04:06:38 PM
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 08, 2018, 03:49:16 PM
Actually, in posting, the "I" and "Me" sort of language often comes across better than other alternatives.  With these pronouns we are speaking from our own experiences or feelings on the topic.

This is very different from the phrasing that results from "You/Your" language.  When you use 'You' phrases, you are being proscriptive, imputing meaning onto others, and often telling them what they are doing or should be doing.  (See what I did there? ;) )

Language is funny stuff.  I try to be supportive rather than proscriptive, and adjust the pronouns I use accordingly.

Oh dear! I just realized I do that for the very reason of not trying to make this about myself. It is hard to help someone with out putting my foot in my mouth. I keep a shoehorn handy for that very occasion. As you all probably know all too well, my shoehorn gets a lot of use.

Faith! I'm not sure I understand? I think you look fine. I think the picture Lori took of you at work would be a great avatar picture. I was surprised and confused why you took your other avatar picture down.

Lots of hugs Faith!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 08, 2018, 04:11:54 PM
close but not quite what I'm getting at. Tanya is closest on how I feel about it (welcome to my thread, btw).
QuoteI have a hard time finding a way to say I can relate or sympathize or whatever it is without sounding generic or bland or insincere.

I'll post and what I post would lend people to answer or respond to me rather than the OP. So, I try to rephrase, fail, and don't post it.

I don't know what I'm saying, don't mind me. I ran out of brainless things to do and now my brain is trying to think again.


Quote from: Donica on September 08, 2018, 04:06:38 PM
Oh dear! I just realized I do that for the very reason of not trying to make this about myself. It is hard to help someone with out putting my foot in my mouth. I keep a shoehorn handy for that very occasion. As you all probably all too well, my shoehorn gets a lot of use.

Faith! I'm not sure I understand? I think you look fine. I think the picture Lori took of you at work would be a great avatar picture. I was surprised and confused why you took your other avatar picture down.

Lots of hugs Faith!
Donica.

Donica, hey, have you been here before? I've seen you around :D

As for my looks, that is definitely all me. I've had several avatars that people like and don't quite get why I removed them. I can't look at them, my brain does not like them, and they show up too much staring at me from the top of every page and every post that I make. They have to go, or I have to go. I could put up a profile picture and not come back?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 08, 2018, 04:19:25 PM
Is it really that wrong? I know I'm comforted when someone answers on my thread to say they've been there, too. It makes me feel not so all alone.

Isn't everyone's personal insights what we're looking for if we aren't sure of what we're doing? Anyone can quote reports and "experts" but facts and figures can only get you so far, and it can all get so clinical when what we may really need is some human warmth.

Narcissism is one thing. Helping a friend through our own experiences is quite another.

My two cents...

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sephirah on September 08, 2018, 05:08:57 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 08, 2018, 08:53:15 AM
Something that I've noticed about myself. For some time really as I've mentioned it before but now it's really having an effect. One of the things that twists my thoughts up so that I can't post anything. No matter how bad or awesome someones news is and how much I want to commiserate or congratulate and share, most of the words that come out are about me. I twist everything into 'about me' comments. I don't like it, I don't know what to do about it. I just want to share peoples joy without me getting in the way.

I'm going to go mow the yard, at least doing that I stop thinking.

Sweetie, that happens a lot. It's not just you. I'd venture about 90% of the posts made here are exactly as you describe. People can only speak about what they know. And most often that is something which draws on the experiences of the individual. Quite often it's hard to empathise with someone without going into detail about what you yourself have been through.

But that's how threads end up. With a dialog. A collection of people's experiences as they talk about how a common theme has affected them. And in that, people can take away a myriad of viewpoints. Of shared experiences and perspectives. Some of the most insightful threads here have been because each contributor has spoken about their own experiences around a common theme.

And it's not really just that. Everyone wants a voice. It's sort of a side effect of the condition we share. A desire to be heard. For who we are. A desire to just talk to someone about how we're feeling. Sometimes we go weeks, months... years without having any sort of outlet to be able to discuss these things. We have a vast reservoir of feeling, emotion, and a choir of voices all waiting just to speak up and be heard. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all.

Often we get it drilled into us in life that stuff isn't about us. That we should stop being so selfish. That no one cares what we think. It becomes a mantra we live with and recite day after day. And when we dare to speak out we feel guilty and ashamed. For daring to voice our individuality. For daring to say "This is what I feel, what I think, and what happened to me."

It's not wrong for wanting to be heard. For wanting to talk about yourself. Your experiences, thoughts and feelings matter. And sometimes, in a thread where someone is unsure, scared, hurting and not knowing where to turn... they matter a hell of a lot more than you think they do. If for no other reason than to know that they're not the only one feeling something, or dealing with something, and that it may be possible to deal with it.

*hugs*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 08, 2018, 06:51:16 PM
I appreciate the comments and I'll try harder to allow myself to express my .. um .. self :D


My mood is on an upswing, I felt good all day. Thank God this week is over, 3 weeks before the next one .. eww ..
Lori and I went out to eat tonight, we got a 'good night ladies' ... WOOT ... I made a 'you look fabulous' post to commemorate.

I don't know if I dare do anything else tonight, might all go downhill  (j/k)

thanks again everyone!
((HUGS)) to all

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on September 08, 2018, 08:59:57 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 08, 2018, 04:19:25 PM
Is it really that wrong? I know I'm comforted when someone answers on my thread to say they've been there, too. It makes me feel not so all alone.

Well that's what I try for,  but when I proofread before posting it often comes across as one upping the original post. Then if I cut details I get the bland nothings, so I don't post anything.


Quote from: Faith on September 08, 2018, 04:11:54 PM
close but not quite what I'm getting at. Tonya is closest on how I feel about it (welcome to my thread, btw).

Thanks. 

I read a lot of threads that I never post to, at least partly due to what I think you're saying.



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 09, 2018, 06:53:36 PM
I went crazy today. I was sitting here at home alone all relaxed and thunking (thinking going wrong) and decided it was a good day to clear out a Brazilian Pepper tree that was taking over our yard and most of the road. That was 10:30 this morning. It is now 7:50 pm and I just got out of my shower. Kathy Lauren's chainsaw pic inspired me to snap a few pics that I sent to her. I don't think I'll share it, nothing sexy about a sweaty old guy.
**begin full disclosure**
Kathy did state that there was definitely some girl showing in there.
**end disclosure**

and, that was my day. I'm pooped.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 09, 2018, 07:25:12 PM
There must be something about September that makes girls get out their chainsaws.  And yes, there definitely was some girl visible in the pic.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 10, 2018, 06:11:20 AM
Quote
There must be something about September that makes girls get out their chainsaws.

I forgot to mention the fact that it's Lori's chainsaw. She was at work so I 'borrowed' it :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cindy on September 10, 2018, 06:14:36 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on September 09, 2018, 07:25:12 PM
There must be something about September that makes girls get out their chainsaws. 

I sat in a wetlands area for 3 hours taking pictures of spiders. How's that for sexy!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 10, 2018, 06:19:59 AM
Quote from: Sephirah on September 08, 2018, 05:08:57 PM
Sweetie, that happens a lot. It's not just you. I'd venture about 90% of the posts made here are exactly as you describe. People can only speak about what they know. And most often that is something which draws on the experiences of the individual. Quite often it's hard to empathise with someone without going into detail about what you yourself have been through.

But that's how threads end up. With a dialog. A collection of people's experiences as they talk about how a common theme has affected them. And in that, people can take away a myriad of viewpoints. Of shared experiences and perspectives. Some of the most insightful threads here have been because each contributor has spoken about their own experiences around a common theme.

And it's not really just that. Everyone wants a voice. It's sort of a side effect of the condition we share. A desire to be heard. For who we are. A desire to just talk to someone about how we're feeling. Sometimes we go weeks, months... years without having any sort of outlet to be able to discuss these things. We have a vast reservoir of feeling, emotion, and a choir of voices all waiting just to speak up and be heard. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all.

Often we get it drilled into us in life that stuff isn't about us. That we should stop being so selfish. That no one cares what we think. It becomes a mantra we live with and recite day after day. And when we dare to speak out we feel guilty and ashamed. For daring to voice our individuality. For daring to say "This is what I feel, what I think, and what happened to me."

It's not wrong for wanting to be heard. For wanting to talk about yourself. Your experiences, thoughts and feelings matter. And sometimes, in a thread where someone is unsure, scared, hurting and not knowing where to turn... they matter a hell of a lot more than you think they do. If for no other reason than to know that they're not the only one feeling something, or dealing with something, and that it may be possible to deal with it.

*hugs*

Excellent, Sephirah! That's what I tried to say, but you did it much more eloquently.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 10, 2018, 12:48:44 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I agree with the replies you have gotten from your followers here.... 

First, .....proofreading multiple times before posting as @Tanya W  indicated.   Many times even after I do that I post it and read and see multiple errors that I have made.... well it is a good thing that I am not being graded for my grammar and spelling.   And yes, after I write it up, I look at it and may decide not to post the comment after all for a variety of reasons.

Second,
since this is YOUR THREAD, by all means talk about YOU.  Your followers come here to hear about you and your life events.... and to view any photos that you feel free to post...

.... OH, by the way, regarding photos, it is so very nice to see your Avatar/Profile picture....  you look absolutely terrific and definitely female....  you should not hesitate to share your photos here... and also you can be assured and confident that you won't be embarrassed as you to out and about as Faith.  Always put a big smile on your face and walk with your head held high.....   a smile is so disarming to others.

Again, Faith, this is your thread, we want to read comments about YOU....  and even on other various threads around the Forums, making comments about yourself are quite appropriate when answering questions or sharing life experiences with the OP or comments in line with the flow of the thread.

Thank you for keeping your followers updated....  always one of my first stops when I log in.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 10, 2018, 12:59:45 PM
Thanks Danielle. Yes, I know I can post anything 'me' in my own thread, no point otherwise :P It's other peoples threads. It's not just about sharing an experience it's about reading what I type and I've shifted from 'sharing' to 'being about me' There is a difference. I also hate making 'me too' posts so I avoid them. I know, I know, other people want to hear from me, so I've been told ... repeatedly ... I still have trouble doing it.

My current profile picture. After seeing it in the fab thread and looking on my phone I came to realize that, for me, it's one of my best photos ever and causes absolutely no negative reaction at all. Hopefully it's a keeper. Although, I wouldn't mind if an even better picture came along :D

The pose and smile remind me of someone that I admire.

hugs to everyone
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on September 11, 2018, 06:46:12 AM
Faith, I just saw your new profile picture. You look so good! And you even have a big smile!   This definitely qualifies as one of the best photos I have seen of you so far. What makes the photo so good is that big happy smile.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 11, 2018, 08:55:59 AM
Thank you Jayne. I didn't think I'd ever find a picture that not only did other people like but I did as well .. WooHOOOooo ...

To top that off, it's one of 4 in a set. You can see them here:
https://imgur.com/a/bqN672F (https://imgur.com/a/bqN672F)
Granted, I did pick the best one for my profile :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 11, 2018, 09:13:51 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 11, 2018, 08:55:59 AM
Thank you Jayne. I didn't think I'd ever find a picture that not only did other people like but I did as well .. WooHOOOooo ...

To top that off, it's one of 4 in a set. You can see them here:
https://imgur.com/a/bqN672F (https://imgur.com/a/bqN672F)
Granted, I did pick the best one for my profile :D

Those pictures are simply awesome, Faith! The smiles and joy are so infectious.

They do bring up one question though. Is there anyone in the world who doesn't own one of those JVC receivers?

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180911/2f7875dc0fce853c9e97ea0b69ce955d.jpg)

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 11, 2018, 09:29:42 AM
"Is there anyone in the world who doesn't own one of those JVC receivers?"

I have a JVC setup (tuner, turntable and cassette deck) but not that model.  I have an Onkyo in my shop.  My favorite is my old Superscope (Marantz). 

That's quite the set up you have Faith! 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 11, 2018, 09:33:15 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 11, 2018, 09:13:51 AM
Those pictures are simply awesome, Faith! The smiles and joy are so infectious.

They do bring up one question though. Is there anyone in the world who doesn't own one of those JVC receivers?

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180911/2f7875dc0fce853c9e97ea0b69ce955d.jpg)

Stephanie

I don't know .. That's my retro wall. Behind my shoulder is my all-in-one 8-track/cassette/LP reciever
I had to move my 8-track player so you can't see it. The tapes are in the wooden cubby right behind me.
My reel-2-reels (more than one) had to go in another room as did my quadraphonic receiver (it weighs a ton).
My Allison CD-8 speakers are in the closet, they need speaker repair that I haven't gotten around to doing.
I need a bigger wall.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: BrianaJ on September 11, 2018, 09:34:46 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 11, 2018, 09:13:51 AM
Those pictures are simply awesome, Faith! The smiles and joy are so infectious.

They do bring up one question though. Is there anyone in the world who doesn't own one of those JVC receivers?


Stephanie

I agree - awesome pics.  You look very happy. 

And Stephanie, right??  Who doesn't?  I have a similar one out in the 'rec room'.  I bought it sometime in the early 80's. 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: BrianaJ on September 11, 2018, 09:38:30 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 11, 2018, 09:33:15 AM
I don't know .. That's my retro wall. Behind my shoulder is my all-in-one 8-track/cassette/LP reciever
I had to move my 8-track player so you can't see it. The tapes are in the wooden cubby right behind me.
My reel-2-reels (more than one) had to go in another room as did my quadraphonic receiver (it weighs a ton).
My Allison CD-8 speakers are in the closet, they need speaker repair that I haven't gotten around to doing.
I need a bigger wall.

'Retro' is in when it comes to media.  I can't believe how some of the older electronics are sought out.  And reel to reel and vinyl etc.  It makes me chuckle to see the youngins fawn over it all.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 11, 2018, 09:46:21 AM
Quote from: BrianaJ on September 11, 2018, 09:38:30 AM
'Retro' is in when it comes to media.  I can't believe how some of the older electronics are sought out.  And reel to reel and vinyl etc.  It makes me chuckle to see the youngins fawn over it all.

I collected mine mostly the old-fashioned way .. over the years growing up (growing old). I did have to replace some, things wear out beyond repair sometimes. I know just enough to fix my own stuff but sometimes it's beyond me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 12, 2018, 09:02:34 AM
simple changes first thing today.

I have multiple email addresses, for various reasons. I can't change the email address yet to combine down to one. I did, however, change the display picture on all of them to a head shot of my profile picture. I also changed the display name to Faith Nicole.

baby steps
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 12, 2018, 01:14:13 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
It is so affirming for you to get emails addressed to Faith Nicole....  also including your "new" head shot display picture is the frosting on the cake.   Hang on for even more affirmation when you start changing your legal name on important documents and government records.   
If I recall correctly, you already have your "younger Faith" photo on your work ID badge... so that is confidence building as well.

I just can't express how much I like your newest avatar/profile photo and all the other recent photos that you have posted.... I am so glad now that you are feeling comfortable leaving the photos up on the Forums...
.... they are all absolutely beautiful pictures of yourself....

Thank your for sharing,
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle


Quote from: Faith on September 12, 2018, 09:02:34 AM
simple changes first thing today.

I have multiple email addresses, for various reasons. I can't change the email address yet to combine down to one. I did, however, change the display picture on all of them to a head shot of my profile picture. I also changed the display name to Faith Nicole.

baby steps
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 12, 2018, 03:27:03 PM
@Alaskan Danielle
We'll see how confusing my emails get to people that don't know yet ... if there are any. I don't know about legal name change. I don't think Lori is ready for that.

I still cannot look at the photos that I removed. These new ones and my current profile are different somehow. Hopefully that will be the case with future photos .. but not my hot-n-sweaty's, they look like a sweaty old guy.

¿beautiful? no comment/withholding judgment/exaggeration
but thank you anyway :)

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 12, 2018, 01:14:13 PM

Dear Faith:
It is so affirming for you to get emails addressed to Faith Nicole....  also including your "new" head shot display picture is the frosting on the cake.   Hang on for even more affirmation when you start changing your legal name on important documents and government records.   
If I recall correctly, you already have your "younger Faith" photo on your work ID badge... so that is confidence building as well.

I just can't express how much I like your newest avatar/profile photo and all the other recent photos that you have posted.... I am so glad now that you are feeling comfortable leaving the photos up on the Forums...
.... they are all absolutely beautiful pictures of yourself....

Thank your for sharing,
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle



my next real step is HAIR ... face; body; nether ... I can't get rid of it or keep it under control good enough. It's torturing me. I have no choice but to find a way to pay to get rid of it. I need a free service.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 13, 2018, 06:45:25 AM
Lori tied my hair back this morning
(https://i.imgur.com/cFI7lAA.jpg)
I have no idea where the yellow/gold tint is coming from :-\
also
I wish I didn't have such broad shoulders :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 13, 2018, 06:54:09 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 13, 2018, 06:45:25 AM
Lori tied my hair back this morning

I have no idea where the yellow/gold tint is coming from :-\

also
I wish I didn't have such broad shoulders

Wow, silver and gold. Beautiful!

Don't obsess about the shoulders. I used to until I realized nobody cares. I've even graduated to sleeveless tops. I just try to wear something that flares below the waist for balance. No problem.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 13, 2018, 06:59:49 AM
I love your hair, Faith!  I wish I could do something with my own hair, but alas that would be in a different universe.  Don't worry about your shoulders.  With careful clothing selection, no one will notice.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 13, 2018, 07:22:18 AM
@Steph2.0
@KathyLauren

Thanks! My hair is my one redeeming 'feature' .. I hope it doesn't fall out  :icon_yikes:

I try not to think about my shoulders but, like my body hair (ick), sometimes it sneaks up on me and ruins my day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 13, 2018, 11:34:19 AM
I was pondering mirrors today after reading the comments in a few threads. I think I have it totally summarized on why I have such difficulty.

CIS women grow up looking at themselves. Sure they may not like some features but they are used to 'themselves'
Trans Women grow up looking at the guy, hating it, it's not a feature it's the whole image.
To ease things, a self-image gets built up of how they 'should look'
Once transition starts you get a third image .. the one HRT is turning you into.

Now you have three images:
1- that nasty man image
2- the internal perfect image
3- The HRT 'in progress' image

Your brain tries to reconcile image 1 and 3 into image 2, and it fails, causing a disparity and triggering a multitude of reactions - mostly bad.

I know, this is very similar to previous comments about self image. I'm just trying to dumb it down to something that I can work with.

later,
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 13, 2018, 02:21:33 PM
That is interesting.  I have no doubt that you are getting to the essence of your acceptance issue.

I never had #2, the internal "perfect" image.  I always knew that whatever I got would be better than what I had, so I'd be happy with any improvement.  Different ways of processing our dysphoria, I guess.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 13, 2018, 02:30:19 PM
@KathyLauren

well, maybe perfect wasn't quite the right term. And by image I don't necessarily mean a picture in your mind that you can see, just something your mind looks for. So you end up seeing wrong without being able to actually say why.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 13, 2018, 02:52:52 PM
Mmmm.  I never had #1 but could definitely see how I should have turned out.  Because I started late (61) the results, i.e. #3 are close enough that I am more or less happy. 

I agree with Kathy that having this conversation to better understand yourself is a good thing.  I think coming to peace with our existence is an important part of transitioning.  Despite giving up some things, I have gained so much more on this journey.   
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on September 13, 2018, 03:54:28 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 13, 2018, 11:34:19 AM
Now you have three images:
1- that nasty man image
2- the internal perfect image
3- The HRT 'in progress' image


Faith

I can see you have been really giving this some serious thought. For me mirrors were always difficult and I avoided them where I could. As for camera's well I think I have said before to you how much I hate them.

I think you are right we do go through this process of trying to reconcile out internal images against the reality of what we see. However our eyes can easily deceive us and show us an image of ourselves that is actually distorted, which makes finding image 2 so difficult

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on September 13, 2018, 06:25:41 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 13, 2018, 11:34:19 AM
I was pondering mirrors today after reading the comments in a few threads. I think I have it totally summarized on why I have such difficulty.

CIS women grow up looking at themselves. Sure they may not like some features but they are used to 'themselves'
Trans Women grow up looking at the guy, hating it, it's not a feature it's the whole image.
To ease things, a self-image gets built up of how they 'should look'
Once transition starts you get a third image .. the one HRT is turning you into.

Now you have three images:
1- that nasty man image
2- the internal perfect image
3- The HRT 'in progress' image

Your brain tries to reconcile image 1 and 3 into image 2, and it fails, causing a disparity and triggering a multitude of reactions - mostly bad.

I know, this is very similar to previous comments about self image. I'm just trying to dumb it down to something that I can work with.

later,
Faith
Faith, that is an interesting way of thinking about this. I never thought of it this way. Or maybe I did and didn't know it? Thank you for simplifying it. What you said makes sense.

It's good to see you working through your thought processes. I may add a 4th image.

4 - the modified version of image 2 based on  the results of image 3 and the change in our self perception. In other words, the happy and co tent image.

I just woke up, so that may not have made much sense!

You are looking and sounding so much happier lately. Keep up your hard work.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 13, 2018, 06:43:29 PM
@Jayne01

I left #4 unsaid on purpose. #4 would obviously be the final image, physical and mental, where things come together. You look in the mirror and say, "that's me". That point would be slightly different for everyone.

Perfect would be, well, perfect. What I would consider normal would be the same as a CIS person, you like your face but think it could use some tweaking of things you're not happy with.

I don't include facial surgeries for the image. That's because even CIS get unhappy enough with self-image to get .. um .. modified.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 13, 2018, 06:44:26 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on September 13, 2018, 06:25:41 PM
You are looking and sounding so much happier lately. Keep up your hard work.

Hugs,
Jayne

Thanks, yes I am. It helps that the 'week' ended and my mood lifted again :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 13, 2018, 09:31:01 PM
Hi Faith,

  I just want to let you know I am here and I am reading. I haven't been posting much because I find I haven't a lot to say lately. I do have quite a few things on my mind lately and as I've said elsewhere I've been a bit preoccupied and distracted. So I'll apologize to you and others here on Susan's for not being very supportive or helpful. But IU am reading what and when I can.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Allison S on September 13, 2018, 10:20:21 PM
Can I add image 3.5 which is after hrt and before ffs.. Lol at least that's what it is for me. I accept my face as a whole but not certain features. Like you said, that's not solely a trans thing though.
Oh and your hair is very pretty!

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on September 13, 2018, 10:34:32 PM
Faith, I think you have the right idea on how we reconcile images in our heads.  The other element is time.  It just takes time for the mesh of neurons that recognizes ourselves at a primitive level to bring themselves up to date. 

My understanding is that it takes them up to a year to adjust to a change in our appearance.  For cidswomen, the rate of natural change in appearance is so slow that this delay causes no problem.  For us, changing our appearance rapidly in the 'coming out' process, the delay gives us some real self-confidence issues.  I still get flashes of being the 'dude in a dress', but they are getting shorter and less intense daily.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on September 13, 2018, 10:36:59 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 13, 2018, 11:34:19 AM
I was pondering mirrors today after reading the comments in a few threads. I think I have it totally summarized on why I have such difficulty.

CIS women grow up looking at themselves. Sure they may not like some features but they are used to 'themselves'
Trans Women grow up looking at the guy, hating it, it's not a feature it's the whole image.
To ease things, a self-image gets built up of how they 'should look'
Once transition starts you get a third image .. the one HRT is turning you into.

Now you have three images:
1- that nasty man image
2- the internal perfect image
3- The HRT 'in progress' image

Your brain tries to reconcile image 1 and 3 into image 2, and it fails, causing a disparity and triggering a multitude of reactions - mostly bad.

I know, this is very similar to previous comments about self image. I'm just trying to dumb it down to something that I can work with.

later,
Faith

My problem lately is having the irrational thought (on a momentary basis) that I'm just a guy in a dress.  I get over it quick enough, but it is unnerving and wish the old self would just disappear.  In time that picture of myself will become the real me.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

(Michelle and I just talked about this at lunch, we feel the same)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 14, 2018, 06:26:02 AM
thanks for the replies and comments. I didn't really expect much response from my brain puke regurgitation thoughts.

@Laurie, I know that you and others flitter about the topics playing catchup (not ketchup) and you've been a might busy recently. I think you're even stuck doing some planning  :o

@Michelle,@Jessica My 'dude in a dress days' are still here and common. I've deliberately worn dress or skirt to work for 2 weeks. Today is the first day that I went back to slacks (I'm dressed like my profile pic). I must say, I am getting more comfortable in them.

I left out quite a few of my thoughts on our self-image processing. I wanted to keep my summation as simple as possible.

Jessica & Allison, thanks for popping into my little corner of the world. and @Allison, thank you for your comment. Hair, my one redeeming feature ... comb forward for instant facial improvement HAH! :D

Holy Crap .. I'm losing my thoughts bouncing up and down trying to reply to everyone. I'm sure I'm going to miss something/someone .. no offense intended. I happen to be on the phone with Cisco for a problematic switch that I gave up on so I'm a little distracted.

I see you @Judi :)

Hey @Liz  :icon_wave:, hope your feeling back to your old self .. NO NO, not that old self .. sheesh  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on September 14, 2018, 03:12:30 PM


Quote from: Faith on September 13, 2018, 11:34:19 AM


Now you have three images:
1- that nasty man image
2- the internal perfect image
3- The HRT 'in progress' image



I like this explanation.

My bad days I see #1 (I've called it Fat Ugly Man Body).

A while ago I realized that my #2 was what I was saying was my "ideal" woman when it was really how I saw myself.

Good days I see #3 and I agree that when we get to the missing #4 is we stop worrying about this crap. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 14, 2018, 04:29:24 PM
@Tonya

Hey Tonya, Yeah the goal is #4. When we reached it, we've stopped thinking about it.

As for image ...
I'm not sure the right way to say this, it's supposed to be a compliment
... I see a marked (mark-ked, how do you type that) progress in every avatar update that you make. thumbs-up (I didn't feel like scrolling for the emoji)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 14, 2018, 05:08:22 PM
Back on the 'My Progress' topic

today I revisited a forum that I used to frequent. My last post there was back in Dec 2017. That was when my depression was hitting it's peak. I didn't want to hang or socialize anywhere, not even online.

First step was changing all the pertinent info in my profile to more appropriate designations. I also changed my signature, which previously had my first name (legal names not allowed for accounts - bad form), to read my real name.

Then I searched for threads referencing me. Lo and behold, someone posted a 'where'd they get to' post and I was in there. I guess they did miss me, for a while at least. I made a quick 'here I am post' and got an immediate reply from someone I used to chat with. He said, paraphrased, welcome back brother. I was kind enough to inform him that brother didn't fit any more :P

I decided, after talking to another acquaintance from there (one I've been in contact with and already knew my situation), to make a new introduction post on there. I was a little vague with the details, no need for all that in a different forum, but if they read between the lines they'd figure it out. After all, with no picture it's one big Venus symbol :P

so far, 12 Welcome Backs. I do wonder how many figured it out (or will). The friend who knew posted that I made a good choice posting a new intro. He also called me by name.

I think this qualifies as a good step.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 14, 2018, 05:46:00 PM
Faith, I get the feeling that you are enjoying this.  I am glad to hear it.  Once you get the hang of it, coming out is fun!  >:-)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 14, 2018, 05:46:22 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Well, yes, absolutely your post gets back onto your "My Progress" topic. ... and it is good news too!!!

As you stated, regarding the other Forum that you once frequented...  people missed you in your 8 or 9 month absence and now that you came back there to post again....
... and all of those "Welcome Back" messages that were sent to you.  :) :) :)

Yes indeed, a "good step" leading to more coming out opportunities...

Thank you for posting and keeping us all updated on your life goings on.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle


Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 14, 2018, 05:56:27 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on September 14, 2018, 05:46:00 PM
Faith, I get the feeling that you are enjoying this.  I am glad to hear it.  Once you get the hang of it, coming out is fun!  >:-)

@Kathy, Who? Me? :D I am very much starting to enjoy being ME :)

@Danielle, psst, 1 yr and 8-9 months.  yes .. a good step :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 14, 2018, 08:10:35 PM
QuoteI am very much starting to enjoy being ME
ps.
I blame @Jayne, I think she's infectious!!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on September 15, 2018, 02:12:58 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 14, 2018, 08:10:35 PM
ps.
I blame @Jayne, I think she's infectious!!!!!
Faith, it is so nice seeing you in such a good place lately. We are seeing a new, happier Faith. That's wonderful!!!

I would also like to thank you for your most recent post (above^^^). I have struggled a little today. There have been constant reminders around me all day, in the form of young women (late teens/early 20's), making  me think of my younger years and what I have missed out on. Missing out on those years of my life has been one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with. It has put me into a "bleh" kind of mood. Your comment reminded me how well I am doing now and show much I have to be grateful for. I can't allow myself to dwell on the past because the present is here now and I don't want to miss out on anymore of my life.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 15, 2018, 06:45:42 AM
@Jayne

I don't think the "wistful youth lookin' " is stuck in the realm of trans. Pretty sure plenty of CIS women look at them as well thinking a similar thought. Not about never having those years but of lost years. Or "I wish I was young enough to do that now, when I was their age things were different".

Try not to get caught up in wistfulness ... hard, I get it too ... but try

hugssszzzz

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on September 15, 2018, 07:06:56 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 14, 2018, 04:29:24 PM
@Tonya

Hey Tonya, Yeah the goal is #4. When we reached it, we've stopped thinking about it.

As for image ...
I'm not sure the right way to say this, it's supposed to be a compliment
... I see a marked (mark-ked, how do you type that) progress in every avatar update that you make. thumbs-up (I didn't feel like scrolling for the emoji)
Gee thanks,  Faith. 

I'll have to try and dig up the old avatars and post them somewhere all in a row and see if I can see the same thing you are. 


Awesome for you getting back on that old forum of yours and that's a really neat look with the gold streak in your hair. 

Tonya


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 15, 2018, 10:55:00 AM
Activity today.

Well the work friend that I spoke about (inspiration thread HERE (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,240544.0.html)) invited us to her sons birthday party. She wants me to meet her family.

I'm a little apprehensive, a pool party. So, if I plan to get wet then no makeup. My face needs coverage, it needs all the help that it can get. I'm not sure how I'll present well dressed up as a woman with a guy face.

Not going is out of the question. We're going. I'll fill you in later ....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on September 15, 2018, 11:03:15 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 15, 2018, 06:45:42 AM
@Jayne

I don't think the "wistful youth lookin' " is stuck in the realm of trans. Pretty sure plenty of CIS women look at them as well thinking a similar thought. Not about never having those years but of lost years. Or "I wish I was young enough to do that now, when I was their age things were different".

Try not to get caught up in wistfulness ... hard, I get it too ... but try

hugssszzzz

Faith

I get caught up by this on a daily basis, pretty silly of me considering I'm 62.
I will take your advice to heart.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 15, 2018, 11:09:54 AM
I understand your concern Faith but they did invite you. They should already know what to expect. So I wouldn't worry too much. I would wear my one piece under my beach coverup and enjoy the BBQ. There is going to be a BBQ right? I mean you can't have a pool party without a BBQ?

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 15, 2018, 11:40:09 AM
It certainly seems like you're feeling better Faith.  Great, have some fun!   I hope the party is a success and you have a good time!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 15, 2018, 11:50:23 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 15, 2018, 10:55:00 AM
Activity today.

Well the work friend that I spoke about (inspiration thread HERE (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,240544.0.html)) invited us to her sons birthday party. She wants me to meet her family.

I'm a little apprehensive, a pool party. So, if I plan to get wet then no makeup. My face needs coverage, it needs all the help that it can get. I'm not sure how I'll present well dressed up as a woman with a guy face.

Not going is out of the question. We're going. I'll fill you in later ....

You go, girl. Literally. Go!

It'll be fun. You'll see...

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on September 15, 2018, 06:28:45 PM
Hi Faith

I hope all has gone well and I predict that you will might well be surprised (in a good way) at just how well!!! at least I really hope so!!!

Liz  ;)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 15, 2018, 08:22:16 PM
Home at last, almost 9 pm. What a looooong day, I don't know how I held out ... it was totally pleasant.

Really, me being myself seemed to be a big non-event. Accepted, talked to, hugged and kissed. The only slight hug/kiss hesitation came from a late (very late) arrival that hadn't been informed (forewarned?) and that was only a slight hesitation. More like a fast thought process of should I - yes I should on their part. I think I only noticed it because I was looking for it.

One young'un, probably around 6?, stared at me a lot like he was trying to figure me out.

The only issue which really wasn't one was .. spanish speaking family. Lots of conversation flowing that we had no idea what was what. Host and hostess did fine helping us stay included. I still preferred later when most people had left. I do like it quieter.

When it was just the 4 of us outside talking it was just random small talk. She (friend/hostess) did ask a bit about my coming out at work and how I decided and managed to do it. She's still a bit in awe/impressed by me actually doing it. For me it was a had to - you know what I mean. She told me that she started paying attention with the first bit of weight lose, clothes changing a bit, nails, then small bits of makeup (eye shadow/mascara). So right from the start I got her attention .. not in a creepy way.

I got to find out that out of, hmm, a lot of people at work, only a couple say anything derogatory (she called them idiots). I did not ask who. If they say something in my hearing, I'll report them, otherwise I don't care. If someone else wants to report them, that's up to them.

Found out some are slightly confused and not sure what to do or say, Host says he tells them .. It's not that hard, her name is Faith, she/her not he/him .. simple. Host is the boyfriend btw, he accepted me straight away, has never missed a beat on my name or pronouns. He is the one I've mentioned, somewhere, that hugs me and I can feel that he's hugging me as he would any woman. I can just tell, it's different.

I also found out that I have a staunch supporter in one of my co-workers. Not one I would have expected. Which reminds me that you cannot just assume how anyone will take something. There is only one way to know.

Lori said she and her more times than I've ever noticed before. Could have been just my heightened alertness to it, she says that she says it more than I think. I'll take her word for it. I know for the most part he/him stick out so it is probably just me.

brain fog, it took me 30 mins to type this. I think my day is ending.

OH! Columbian food. Different, not what I'm used to, I ate seconds. I'm going to be soooo fat.

g'night
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on September 15, 2018, 09:06:24 PM
Hi Faith,

I love the story! Isn't it a shame when just boring accepted life bullies it's way into transitioning fears? Let's see, normal hugs, accepted into conversations, proper pronouns; sounds like normal life and something to be celebrated. Well done!

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 15, 2018, 09:44:32 PM
Hi Faith and Lori,

  I am soo glad to see this more recent happier you. I am sure Lori is too. I am glad you went to the party and was able to just be yourself there. Isn't it nice when you don't have to have that invisible shield deployed and can just be yourself? It does get easier Faith, it really does. Yes yes I know it is always like it has been these last several days. But you now know it can be like this. You can be who you  need to be. And you Faith have friends and supporters the stand up for you. Faith, they like you for who you are, not what you look like. Just keep up what you are doing Hun because it is working.

Hugs (for both of you)
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 15, 2018, 10:01:11 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Wow-zers....  it was great to read your recent really good news report....
For you life is good and life has certainly been getting better and better for you and for your transition success.

You have every right to be a happy camper regarding what has been going on in your transition life lately. 
Thank you for sharing all of these wonderful happenings with your followers.

Please continue to keep us updated as you have been doing.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on September 16, 2018, 12:01:12 AM
File this day away under special memories for sure...what a like a really nice day and you got some insight into what's happening behind the scenes as well...what's not to love  ;) Kids are brutally honest in ways adults can never be.

The stuff about work seems like it is really good...always will be a few idiots....can't help evolution....but on the whole everyone has responded pretty much as expected...those that don't "get it" only don't get it because they choose that as their reaction...as your host said ..there is nothing to get. On the whole it sounds like a good day and you can store that one with the others...thanks for updating us.

Take care

Liz     
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on September 16, 2018, 02:19:45 AM
Faith, what a wonderful update.!!! I love how you describe it as a big non event. That is the goal most of us are aiming for, to jus feel normal being ourselves and not have a big deal made out of it. Sorry about the "idiots" at your work. There will always be some of those no matter where you go. Those types of people are not worth wasting time with.

I'm not surprised Lori uses she/her more than you think. She would not use those pronouns when talking to you, only when talking aboutyou to other people.

Looking forward to your next update.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 16, 2018, 07:04:13 AM
Faith, I just caught up on your story.  YAY!  I love how your friends and co-workers are accepting you and you are enjoying being accepted.  This is how the rest of the world lives, and now, you get to enjoy it too!  I am glad you had a good time.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 16, 2018, 07:53:14 AM
@Tia Anne @Laurie @Danielle @Liz @Jayne @Kathy

Thanks all for the comments.

Yes Anne, a shame when boring normal life takes over .. HAH. Life goes crazy on you, a whirlwind of changes, anxiety over reactions and .... things go normal on you. It's almost disappointing :P

Laurie, I've always been my biggest obstacle in life. That wall is crumbling down and I can see over it and I can even climb over in a few spots. I am happier, I'm enjoying the bouncy up feeling inside. I think I can get used to it .. but not too used to it. I want it to stay an amazing feeling.

Daniele, what's to say ... yup, life is good :D .. how do you make a bigger grin emoji? this one is too small.

Liz, work people I shrug and move on. in most cases you can't choose your work associates any more than you can choose your family. You can choose how to react to them. Ignoring works for me, I've done it for a loooong time. Teach them all a lesson just by being .. that'll teach'em good :)

Jayne, he/she. I never expect Lori to call me anything other than what she always has. When she does though, and with no stumbling, that means more to me than any other gendering that happens.

Kathy, I had a great time. very relaxing. As a plus, I don't think that I put on any extra pounds. The host is into music, been in a few bands, made several albums. He also works where I do in the radio side of things. We had a lot to talk about. I had him drooling over pictures of .... no not me, silly ... music projects and rebuilds that I've done.

What to do with Sunday ... Lori is at work. I have 2 of the grandchildren. Still in bed but the youngest should be up soon. I'm stiff and sore (not related to yesterday), I had a leg cramp the other night that woke me up. My calf is still very sore and it's hard to walk.

Maybe I'll straighten up my music equipment room ...... yeah, right :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 16, 2018, 08:56:40 AM
Faith! Wonderful update! I'm so glad everything went so well. I had a feeling it would. So did you and Lori bring your swimsuits and get wet?

Hugs you two!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 16, 2018, 09:21:47 AM
@Donica

We took our suits, didn't go in. Too many wee ones and too late by the time they got tired of it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 16, 2018, 09:37:46 AM
I hate to say I told you so... well, "hate" is so strong a word. "Slightly dislike" is more appropriate, so

I told you so!

So happy for you, Faith! I saw this in Wally World, so here:

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180916/445427e116c350af829e20bfa87ea1f9.jpg)

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 16, 2018, 09:42:00 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 16, 2018, 09:37:46 AM
I hate to say I told you so... well, "hate" is so strong a word. "Slightly dislike" is more appropriate, so

I told you so!

So happy for you, Faith! I saw this in Wally World, so here:

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180916/445427e116c350af829e20bfa87ea1f9.jpg)

Stephanie

Oh that would go sooo great with her refrigerator hat ;D.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 16, 2018, 11:04:34 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 16, 2018, 09:37:46 AM
I hate to say I told you so... well, "hate" is so strong a word. "Slightly dislike" is more appropriate, so

I told you so!

So happy for you, Faith! I saw this in Wally World, so here:
Stephanie
@Stephanie
do you need my address to send it to me?  :D

oh, and I could see the grimace of distaste as you forced yourself to type "I told You So"

@Donica
I'll have to order that hat to have on hand in case Laurie decides to show up in an unplanned visit.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 17, 2018, 12:26:57 AM
  Refrigerator hat? Drats I missed that one I'll have to go back to read about it.

@stephanie I have an address for @Faith if you  need it. Was that a dress or a shirt?

  Faith, I hope you never expect me to show up on a planned visit. You know better.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 17, 2018, 06:27:34 AM
Quote from: Laurie on September 17, 2018, 12:26:57 AM
  Refrigerator hat? Drats I missed that one I'll have to go back to read about it.
Donica's thread (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,240584.0.html)

Quote
@stephanie I have an address for @Faith if you  need it. Was that a dress or a shirt?
I'll accept either :D

Quote
  Faith, I hope you never expect me to show up on a planned visit. You know better.
Hugs,
   Laurie

I fully expect Michelle to corrupt your personal values ... in a good way ... That includes planning things (and that nasty attachment to refrigerators ). We'll see  ...........
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 17, 2018, 09:27:24 PM
Lmao Faith.  I saw the hat in Donica's thread. Looks nice except for it being a ball cap.

  I read what you said about that "P" word and it's up on the fridge with you!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 18, 2018, 05:30:05 AM
I don't wear caps, especially ball caps. I put one on and .. meh .. Lori puts the same one on, styling!  it's sickening

Quote from: Laurie on September 17, 2018, 09:27:24 PM
Lmao Faith.  I saw the hat in Donica's thread. Looks nice except for it being a ball cap.

  I read what you said about that "P" word and it's up on the fridge with you!!


I can't. Steph has all her stuff up here .. but she didn't leave the chocolate.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 18, 2018, 06:42:09 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 18, 2018, 05:30:05 AM
I don't wear caps, especially ball caps. I put one on and .. meh .. Lori puts the same one on, styling!  it's sickening

I can't. Steph has all her stuff up here .. but she didn't leave the chocolate.

Oh, so that's where I left my #stormchips!

I may get back to "women's-styled" ball caps some day, but due to light-sensitive eyes and self-consciousness about hair loss, they were "his" signature style. Everyone was sure they weren't detachable, and it was very rare that I would be seen without one - basically funerals. One of the rituals at my New Life party was letting everyone throw one of my old hats in the fire.

Oh, ummm, about that "Faith" shirt (not dress), it was at Walmart and I didn't want to insult you with something from there. No, I didn't know your size! Uh, I went back to get it and somebody was at the checkout with it already.  I was devastated!

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Stephanie (everything I tell you is a lie, including this.)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 18, 2018, 07:07:37 AM
Quote
Oh, ummm, about that "Faith" shirt (not dress), it was at Walmart and I didn't want to insult you with something from there. No, I didn't know your size! Uh, I went back to get it and somebody was at the checkout with it already.  I was devastated!

@Stephanie
grain of salt -->  .  <-- yep, grain of salt
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 19, 2018, 12:41:32 AM
Okay okay I don't wear ball caps either. You're excused.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 19, 2018, 02:44:35 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/X4USszw.jpg)


disclaimer:
picture may disappear at any time
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 19, 2018, 02:51:18 PM
ok, with that out of the way.

I wrote a PM today that reminded me of something Lori recounted to me. It last night when we were out and I was playing music ... you guys did read that right? you did notice that I posted somewhere else on the forum? You do follow me everywhere I go, don't you? I'm very insecure you know, you have to speak up and ... oh, the story, sorry ... she told me she was talking to some there about us (with no specifics) because for some reason I tend to come up in conversation when I'm not there and ... oh, sorry, digressing again ... Anyways, she told them that no way she wanted me to go back to the way that I was. She much prefers the current me that treats her with respect and as an equal. The thing is, I always respected her and felt her equal, better even in a lot of ways. BUT, my actions due to being a crappy person didn't allow that to show. Well, there I go again, digressing, All I wanted to say was how good it made me feel. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 19, 2018, 03:43:26 PM
I ain't no stalker, so I can't promise that I follow you everywhere you go.  But I did get that you were playing music (yay!) and that your wife is happier with the new you than with that old guy.  That deserves more than a "yay", that deserves a woo-hoo!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 19, 2018, 05:16:37 PM
Picture might but the fridge won't.
Quote from: Faith on September 19, 2018, 02:44:35 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/X4USszw.jpg)


disclaimer:
picture may disappear at any time


Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 19, 2018, 05:21:55 PM
I concur Faith! WoooHooo! Now,,, what forum did read your post in? It is difficult to chase people all over the forums. Just give me time. I'll figure it out ;D.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 19, 2018, 07:10:49 PM
@Donica ... music sub-forum


Well, answered a question on the guitar forum that I went back to. Turns out that one of the people that I corresponded with is, by label, gender-fluid. He/she doesn't like labels but I can't post a name so there you go.

is this a small world or what?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 19, 2018, 08:35:14 PM
Faith, this comment "...Anyways, she told them that no way she wanted me to go back to the way that I was. She much prefers the current me that treats her with respect and as an equal. The thing is, I always respected her and felt her equal, better even in a lot of ways. BUT, my actions due to being a crappy person didn't allow that to show" really rings true.  I can look back and see that just maybe I wasn't as nice as I thought I was.  With the fog of T gone, I have worked diligently to rectify that and as with your Lori, my wife sees a vast improvement.  Through all the pain, something good does come about!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 20, 2018, 07:49:50 AM
@Judi
Even if nothing else improves just that makes it worth it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 20, 2018, 08:42:46 AM
Time to bite the bullet and post a current picture again ... Here we go .......
Quote(https://i.imgur.com/zyVWrci.jpg)
It's a bit dark, no selfie flash ... hm, maybe it needs to be darker still  ... scratch that. I'm supposed to be more positive.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on September 20, 2018, 09:57:29 AM
Nothing wrong with that picture,  Faith

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 20, 2018, 10:49:53 AM
 Faith,

  I have to agree with Tonya. There's nothing wrong with that picture at all. Keep up being positive and maybe it will stick with you. I am sure Lori likes it.

Hugs to you and Lori,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 20, 2018, 11:13:26 AM
Faith! Honestly girl! I don't know why you are stressing. You look great. My pictures look way different worse than I look in the mirror. I don't think you have to worry about that.

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 20, 2018, 12:47:40 PM
you all are biased  !!!  but thank you   :icon_hug:  :icon_biggrin: 

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 20, 2018, 02:21:16 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 20, 2018, 12:47:40 PM
you all are biased  !!!  but thank you   :icon_hug:  :icon_biggrin:

Nuh-uh! We see the truth with no filters. You're the one who's biased. Just like the pictures I just posted in my thread, I see "him." But I'm learning to trust what my friends tell me, and you will, too.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 20, 2018, 03:19:25 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 20, 2018, 02:21:16 PM
Nuh-uh! We see the truth with no filters. You're the one who's biased. Just like the pictures I just posted in my thread, I see "him." But I'm learning to trust what my friends tell me, and you will, too.

Stephanie

Steph, if you want honesty. I saw your pictures when I first joined. I met you in person. I will honestly tell you that you are leaps and bounds past what I saw then.

Enjoy yourself my friend.
.
.
.
erm, maybe I should rephrase ....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on September 20, 2018, 03:33:26 PM
Hi Faith,

I do like the picture, as I do so many of your pictures.....but what I like most is your telling of Lori's conversation when she was admitting to liking the new you so much. It is a joy to see some of the small and big steps fall into place on this journey of yours.

Keep the joy sister,
Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 20, 2018, 03:47:47 PM
@everyone (oh, that doesn't work) .. could you tell there was boobs? I could tell ..
**  :icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy: happy boob dance :icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy:**

@Tia Anne
Seriously, Thanks Tia. I am trying to see my pictures through different eyes but these are the only two that I have.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 22, 2018, 03:43:58 PM
I had a great day today
Faith

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
yeah, ok, I would leave that until I get yelled at, but I can't.

Lori and I off on the same day. She took it off specifically to go to my Dr's appointment with me in the morning so we could spend the day together.

Got up in a great mood, spent some quality us time before climbing out of bed. That really set the mood for the day :) The bathroom scale liked both of us this morning (not at the same time!) so that also helped a little.

puttered around the house doing things together and drive to the Dr's. Chit chat small talk all the way, anything and everything. That was never 'me' .. it is now, just try to shut me up (I've heard some others share that .. um .. fault)

Dr's at 10:30, no wait.
Nice pleasant visit covering where I was, where I am, how do I feel (fine except that stabbing blood draw needle!). Got a prescription extension to cover until after the test results. Got some referrals for an Orchi, time to start preparing.
Out by 11am

Off to the mall, got a small lunch so as to not bloat. We decide to shoe shop, I still needed black dressy shoes.

We saunter past a massage place, Lori turns back. How about a massage. We look at the prices, ick, we're broke but not as broke as we expected since the Dr's visit cost significantly less then we planned for. So, 45 mins later I'm feeling pretty comfy and relaxed. Trust me, I needed it. Ignore that profile picture, believe me when I say, "I am a broken old person". Twiddle my thumbs waiting for lori to get back and pay for it (she had wandered off and got lost)

Ok, back to meandering. Ready to wander this store, that store, the other store but first Lori drags me (slight exaggeration) to a shoe store. There they were. The perfect pair .. in 11 .. ARRRGGHHH .. too loose, I'm typically a 10. No 10 unless we want to drive to West Palm (yeah, nope). Disappointed, we poke around looking at other shoes and ... there is that same pair in 9 1/2. Hmm, those 11's were really loose. Try them on .. perfect fit. WOOOO. I got shoes (so much for massage==no shoes). We accidentally bought a bracelet and a pair of earrings as well. All on sale, we are broke you know.

Story on the earrings .. they're for pierced ears. We liked them so much that we bought them anyways. Direct from Lori's mouth, "If you want to get your ears pieced, go right ahead. I've gotten used to everything else so far." and if that wasn't enough, "Maybe after things catch up we can go get our ears pierced together". WOOT. I didn't know what to say, but I did buy the earrings :D

The rest of the store wandering went as it was supposed, lots of oh, ah, yuck! but no purchasing. The additional news. Typically shopping for us has always been, she shops clothes and looks at ladies things, I hit the electronics department and impatiently wait until she's ready to leave. This time, we both shopped ladies things and goodies and kids stuff with nary a male item in sight. 3 1/2 hours later we finally call it quits.

The topper .. No odd looks, no side glances, nothing weird noticed at all. Each store visit was ma'am/ladies. Only one misgendering occurrence. At the massage place that gal asked which one of us girls was getting the massage, Lori replied with a quick, "It'll be him" and then immediately looked totally crestfallen and apologized. My wife, apologized to me for calling me him. How could anyone be upset at all for that. I wasn't in the first place but still, no way I could be after seeing her consternation for being the one to say it.

That was our day. Not quite over but I cannot see it going bad, it's been too good.
Faith

ps.
Have I said how much I love my wife?

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 22, 2018, 04:08:07 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Well now, I read your entire update as really good news....  just normal, everyday activities of a woman at the her Doctor's office and then with Lori at at the shopping mall....  lunch, shoes, earrings...   but I have re-read your report several times and I don't know if you got your ears pierced???  ....  and I am still not certain that if it was you or was it Lori that got the massage, or perhaps neither of you? ???    ... and, only one innocent mis-gendering experience, and that came from your Lori !!! ;)     Yes, a good and fun girls day out and about.

Yes indeed, just as you told  @JulieAllana  in your reply comment to her on my "Hunted Prey" thread just earlier today. 
Followers of transition threads usually like to see a little more that just transition related stuff.....   everyday life endeavors are surely interesting to me and to those that are following your transition journey.

Thanks for posting your update and for sharing.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 22, 2018, 04:18:41 PM
@Danielle

I thought I was clear, but that is a wall of text and easy to get a lost trying to read it.
no ears pierced .. that'll be some future date when funds come together. Neither of us was ready today in any case.
... and ...
I got the massage, I'm a broken old fart.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 22, 2018, 04:27:54 PM
Well that's ok Faith. Getting your ears pierced is nothing. Taking care of them is ease to. A twist here, a twist there, keep them clean for 3 weeks to a month and your ready to try out your new ear rings. I suspect you'll have a bit of trouble getting them back from Lori ;D. A great update Faith! It's wonderful to see you both having such a good time together.

Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 22, 2018, 04:28:33 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 22, 2018, 04:18:41 PM
@Danielle

I thought I was clear, but that is a wall of text and easy to get a lost trying to read it.
no ears pierced .. that'll be some future date when funds come together. Neither of us was ready today in any case.
... and ...
I got the massage, I'm a broken old fart.

@Faith
Dear Faith: 
Thank you for clearing up the details for me..... 

The good news is certainly that you had a wonderful day.... including a massage ... did you enjoy the massage?
Personally I find it very nice to be pampered like that.... 

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 22, 2018, 04:36:55 PM
@Danielle
Awesome day, better and better the more I think about it (as I sit here munching my olives) .. two women mall shopping .. :D
The massage was very relaxing. A proper deep massage. It's only fault was that it was over too soon.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 22, 2018, 05:09:57 PM
What a great day, Faith!  I can hear the smile in your voice when I read your words.  And I realize that that sentence made no sense at all, but I am sure you know what I mean.

Quote from: Faith on September 22, 2018, 03:43:58 PM
Have I said how much I love my wife?

Yes, as a matter of fact, you just did.  It may have been a wall of text, but I thought it was rather eloquent.

Hugs to you both.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 22, 2018, 05:17:07 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on September 22, 2018, 05:09:57 PM
What a great day, Faith!  I can hear the smile in your voice when I read your words.  And I realize that that sentence made no sense at all, but I am sure you know what I mean.
Yes I do and I am still smiling
Quote
Yes, as a matter of fact, you just did.  It may have been a wall of text, but I thought it was rather eloquent.
Hugs to you both.
eloquent? I question that but I'll take it :)

hugsszzzz right back atcha, and Danielle and everyone else that passes through my little area of Susan's - including all of you guests hiding out there unsure about signing up. Just do it, you'll enjoy it and all of us will be better for it as well.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 22, 2018, 07:40:07 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 20, 2018, 12:47:40 PM
you all are biased  !!!  but thank you   :icon_hug:  :icon_biggrin:

  We tell you what we see. you see what you are used to.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 22, 2018, 07:47:54 PM
Wow Faith that was a good day and a good update thrown in with it. We all look forward to days like that and after a bit those days though still good  become umm normal.  It's GREAT!

Hugs for you and Lori,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 22, 2018, 08:24:42 PM
I honestly never thought I'd have a complete day like this one. Moment here and there, yes. Day, no. To think that it's possible to become the norm? Unfathomable.

Oct 2017, the month I started questioning myself, not even a year yet. think how far I'll be in another year.

@Laurie, you need to (not)plan another visit. I am not the same person that you met a while back. Well, I am but I'm not :D

I want to just keep rambling on, typing walls of feel-good text. I do need to go to bed though :( ... maybe in another hour .............
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on September 22, 2018, 09:35:07 PM
Hi Faith,

Your story of this amazing journey just keeps getting better and better. Deb and I are truly enjoying your progress sister!

Hugs,
Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 22, 2018, 11:49:34 PM
  Yes Faith I do need to not p..p..pl ( Sorry I can't ) and it will happen again. You are and it shows.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 23, 2018, 05:51:41 AM
@Donica
Quote from: Donica on September 22, 2018, 04:27:54 PM
Well that's ok Faith. Getting your ears pierced is nothing. Taking care of them is ease to. A twist here, a twist there, keep them clean for 3 weeks to a month and your ready to try out your new ear rings. I suspect you'll have a bit of trouble getting them back from Lori ;D. A great update Faith! It's wonderful to see you both having such a good time together.
Donica.
Donica, I missed your reply in there yesterday. Guess I was more tired than I thought. Lori and I already have a few things that one will go to wear and the other has it. What a horrible quandary  :D We'll see how soon pierced earrings are added to the list.

@Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on September 22, 2018, 11:49:34 PM
  Yes Faith I do need to not p..p..pl ( Sorry I can't ) and it will happen again. You are and it shows.
well, don't hurt yourself. I understand how hard some things are. P-words being among them. Lets make it an I-word .. Intention .. :)
what shows? **looks down** .. not that, phew!! BUT!! I can wear a tube top now (and it stays up) .. woohooo .. just wait until my granddaughter sees that :D

@Tia Anne
Quote from: Anne Blake on September 22, 2018, 09:35:07 PM
Hi Faith,
Your story of this amazing journey just keeps getting better and better. Deb and I are truly enjoying your progress sister!
Hugs,
Tia Anne

Tia, I really can't believe how good I feel. Here I am, up early and half asleep and still feeling the same way. This is so far removed from any expectations that I've had. really, I had no expectations of ever feeling like this. It wasn't that long ago that I had asked Cindy (@Cindy) to close up my thread. I was again ready to fade away and be miserable. She did but she also reached out and simply chatted. I hope she realizes how much that helped. As much as you are enjoying my progress, it's not as much as I am .. now.

I don't know what to do with myself :D

The other shoe may drop, I am not looking for it, I am not listening for it, but I am certain that it won't last long and I'll pick it right back up again.

Thanks everyone, even if you don't log in or comment. You're there and that matters.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: anne_indy on September 23, 2018, 06:39:45 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 23, 2018, 05:51:41 AM
@Donica
Thanks everyone, even if you don't log in or comment. You're there and that matters.



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: anne_indy on September 23, 2018, 06:44:29 AM
Oops. that didn't work. I meant to include that I do follow and and find your journey and evolution very helpful, informative, and inspirational.  I seldom reply, as my internet traffic may be monitored in the part of the world where I live, where people of our ilk are not tolerated. I'm currently on travel, so less concerned with monitoring of my internet traffic.

I look forward to your continuing updates.

Anne


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 23, 2018, 06:49:29 AM
@Anne
QuoteThanks everyone, even if you don't log in or comment. You're there and that matters.

I thought maybe you were quietly commenting with no comment to show that you were there. :D

Quote from: anne_indy on September 23, 2018, 06:44:29 AM
Oops. that didn't work. I meant to include that I do follow and and find your journey and evolution very helpful, informative, and inspirational.  I seldom reply, as my internet traffic may be monitored in the part of the world where I live, where people of our ilk are not tolerated. I'm currently on travel, so less concerned with monitoring of my internet traffic.

I look forward to your continuing updates.
Anne

Anne, I sorry that you don't have full freedom to be who you are. I am honored though that your visit my little corner is of help to you. It helps, even in our worst times, to know that someone, somewhere, is benefiting from it.

Stick around, I'll try to keep it interesting :)

<<hugsz>>
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 23, 2018, 08:13:31 PM
It sounds like you are enjoying life again Faith!  There's lots of "good" happening.  The beauty of having your ears pierced is you can start a small collection of hoops, dangles and studs since they're really not too expensive.  You might even convince Ms. Lori to share a little.   ;)

Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 23, 2018, 09:27:17 PM
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on September 23, 2018, 08:13:31 PM
It sounds like you are enjoying life again Faith!  There's lots of "good" happening.  The beauty of having your ears pierced is you can start a small collection of hoops, dangles and studs since they're really not too expensive.  You might even convince Ms. Lori to share a little.   ;)

Judi

@Judi
I'd have to talk her into getting her ears pierced too. She keeps waffling.

I have been thoroughly enjoying the past little while. I hope it doesn't end. I was so bouncy driving home today, I swear the car was bouncing too ... oh, probably was. It needs struts and shocks :P

I'm off to bed, I may not want the day to end but I can't stay up.
G'night y'all
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on September 23, 2018, 09:58:24 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 23, 2018, 09:27:17 PM
@Judi
I'd have to talk her into getting her ears pierced too. She keeps waffling.

I have been thoroughly enjoying the past little while. I hope it doesn't end. I was so bouncy driving home today, I swear the car was bouncing too ... oh, probably was. It needs struts and shocks :P

I'm off to bed, I may not want the day to end but I can't stay up.
G'night y'all
Faith

That bounce is feeling alive!
Living life without baggage comes from realizing you're who you are, no thought about it.
The bounce get higher, each time you live life without forethought. 
It's just natural.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on September 23, 2018, 11:36:52 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 23, 2018, 09:27:17 PM
@Judi
I'd have to talk her into getting her ears pierced too. She keeps waffling.

I have been thoroughly enjoying the past little while. I hope it doesn't end. I was so bouncy driving home today, I swear the car was bouncing too ... oh, probably was. It needs struts and shocks :P

I'm off to bed, I may not want the day to end but I can't stay up.
G'night y'all
Faith

Awesome, Faith!  It's nice when we are granted the happiness we deserve.  Bouncy is a great feeling, whether inside us or from a funky suspension. 

Have a good rest, and may you have a bouncy tomorrow!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 24, 2018, 06:21:45 AM
Well, no bounce this morning :( Every little thing to set me off has happened so far. Transition/woman related .. ah, nope .. Simple life stupidities that irritate the crap outa ya (like driving to work surrounded by idiot drivers).

It started with my morning routine not being one, thrown for a loop. At least I didn't forget my meds this morning. That's what usually happens when routine is interrupted. Got to the closet, nothing I planned to wear looked/felt right. I kept it simple. Weeelllll, I had my new shoes and bracelet on to show off. By the time I got to work I had them off. I was not dressed in a manner that felt right to wear them and my mood told me to dress down. So, here I am at work wearing old shoes and no sparkles.

On the plus side .... nothing yet. I am optimistic though, that's new.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on September 24, 2018, 06:57:19 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 24, 2018, 06:21:45 AM
Well, no bounce this morning :( Every little thing to set me off has happened so far. Transition/woman related .. ah, nope .. Simple life stupidities that irritate the crap outa ya (like driving to work surrounded by idiot drivers).

It started with my morning routine not being one, thrown for a loop. At least I didn't forget my meds this morning. That's what usually happens when routine is interrupted. Got to the closet, nothing I planned to wear looked/felt right. I kept it simple. Weeelllll, I had my new shoes and bracelet on to show off. By the time I got to work I had them off. I was not dressed in a manner that felt right to wear them and my mood told me to dress down. So, here I am at work wearing old shoes and no sparkles.

On the plus side .... nothing yet. I am optimistic though, that's new.

Don't ya just hate days like that....Nothing looks or feels right and your happy relationship with yourself is not so happy today....Nothing really awful but just enough to put a dampener on your day. I hope things have improved as the day has gone on and you are feeling abit better about yourself.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 24, 2018, 09:19:03 AM
You'll get that bounce back Faith! I have Faith in you :D. Some days, I don't want the leave the house, but I push past that and at the end of the day, I feel better for it. Ready to bounce another day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 24, 2018, 09:26:58 AM
It's only getting worse.

I don't have 'the voice' I'm perfectly aware. BUT, when you have a vendor that doesn't know you from prior ... that has corresponded with you via email as FAITH ... called and asked for FAITH ... get called sir and told, Please don't call me SIR ... only to get SIR'd 6 more times in the space of a few minutes

Oh yeah, I am severely put out right now ......  :icon_burn:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on September 24, 2018, 09:31:19 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 24, 2018, 06:21:45 AM
Got to the closet, nothing I planned to wear looked/felt right.

On the plus side .... nothing yet. I am optimistic though, that's new.
Ugh!
We all have mornings like that. But anything's better than being stuck in the menswear department  >:-)

No, I don't post frequently but I am really happy for you and all the good news you've shared. The day will get better.

Susan
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 24, 2018, 11:29:53 AM
Quotemenswear
@Susan, please leave such vulgar terms for the FtM forums, thank you

:D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on September 24, 2018, 08:25:16 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 24, 2018, 09:26:58 AM
It's only getting worse.

I don't have 'the voice' I'm perfectly aware. BUT, when you have a vendor that doesn't know you from prior ... that has corresponded with you via email as FAITH ... called and asked for FAITH ... get called sir and told, Please don't call me SIR ... only to get SIR'd 6 more times in the space of a few minutes

Oh yeah, I am severely put out right now ......  :icon_burn:

Now that is just rude. I hope your day got much better after that, but anyway today is a new day!! I hope this is better than yesterday  :D

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 24, 2018, 11:02:34 PM
  Have Faith! This too shall pass.

In the meantime go home and hug your Lori. She'll make it better.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 25, 2018, 05:50:22 AM

Quote from: LizK on September 24, 2018, 08:25:16 PM
Now that is just rude. I hope your day got much better after that, but anyway today is a new day!! I hope this is better than yesterday  :D

Take care
Liz

Hey Liz, it got better once I was home and got away from the work idiots. It started getting better at work when my (inspired)work friend popped in to say Hi. She's so happy and expressive that it's very had to stay in a lousy mood. I have to remember to thank her today.

Quote from: Laurie on September 24, 2018, 11:02:34 PM
  Have Faith! This too shall pass.

In the meantime go home and hug your Lori. She'll make it better.

Hugs,
  Laurie
I tried that, it did work but it had consequences. Nice hug followed up by a kiss and .. lightning bolt through the body  :icon_yikes: how the heck am I ever going to get used to that??!!??
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 25, 2018, 07:18:43 AM
I'm trying to get myself to post a picture at the beginning of each week. I couldn't do it yesterday, today is borderline but here you go anyways ...

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/f1E5Jkt.jpg)

I don't know about leaving it, maybe if I run it through a photo filter?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 25, 2018, 07:21:02 AM
Faith, that is a lovely picture, and I am not just saying that.

Whether you leave it up or not, I congratulate you for chipping away at your own barriers!  Way to go!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 25, 2018, 08:27:07 AM
Lovely picture Faith! Keep that bounce going girl.

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 25, 2018, 02:53:56 PM
Thanks for the positives, Kathy and Donica, and any other people in hiding. Of course, if you thought I was hideous, please stay in hiding! .. HAH, j/k .. no I'm not .. yes I am ...



Quoting my 'what made you happy today' post for posterity

Quote from: Faith on September 25, 2018, 01:14:47 PM
How to say this with minimal details.
I'll try this:
A new co-worker, same department so more direct interaction. Anyways, I felt a distancing/uncomfortable feeling and I didn't want that with someone that I work with. So, since day one I had intended to tell her that it was OK to ask questions, I'm fine with answering educationally, not for the perversely curious. You know what I mean.

Anyways, today I finally got the chance and approached her. Her response? "I just thought you were an older woman and didn't want to insult you by saying anything. I did have a feeling because I'm pretty good at recognizing my own kind but I wasn't sure"

O.O

Wait a minute .. OLDER? .. ok, I am old. But for someone that's a lifer (one that has known since single digits and living it) to wonder but decide I'm an older woman .. I'll take it. I am .. amazed? shocked? .. in wonder?? I don't know what to say.

We had a good long talk about things, our different perspectives and approaches, with that underlying "I understand" beneath it all. She was a bit shocked that it's only been a year (almost) of self-awareness for me with only ~7 months HRT.

I think my world is coming together.

yep, Happy moment


Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 25, 2018, 05:48:50 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 25, 2018, 02:53:56 PM
Thanks for the positives, Kathy and Donica, and any other people in hiding. Of course, if you thought I was hideous, please stay in hiding! .. HAH, j/k .. no I'm not .. yes I am ...



Quoting my 'what made you happy today' post for posterity

  Damn it, Faith!! Isn't that what EVERYONE has been telling you????? Sheeeeesh Oh no you won't believe us but when another younger cis woman tells you you get all goose pimply?  I swear!! Fridge! Now!!

Love ya and hugs too,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 25, 2018, 06:17:35 PM
Quote from: Laurie on September 25, 2018, 05:48:50 PM
QuoteThanks for the positives, Kathy and Donica, and any other people in hiding. Of course, if you thought I was hideous, please stay in hiding! .. HAH, j/k .. no I'm not .. yes I am ...

Damn it, Faith!! Isn't that what EVERYONE has been telling you????? Sheeeeesh Oh no you won't believe us but when another younger cis woman tells you you get all goose pimply?  I swear!! Fridge! Now!!

Love ya and hugs too,
  Laurie

**looks at what Laurie quoted** ... **looks at what Laurie replied** ... **looks back at what Laurie quoted** ... **looks back at what Laurie replied**

Are saying some young cis woman is calling me hideous and you're claiming that you said it first?
Well I never .... @!#$% ... Why I aughta ... @#$%@# ...

**peeks out from behind the fridge**
:D  :icon_wave: :icon_biggrin:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 25, 2018, 11:11:30 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 25, 2018, 06:17:35 PM
 
Quote
QuoteThanks for the positives, Kathy and Donica, and any other people in hiding. Of course, if you thought I was hideous, please stay in hiding! .. HAH, j/k .. no I'm not .. yes I am ...
Damn it, Faith!! Isn't that what EVERYONE has been telling you????? Sheeeeesh Oh no you won't believe us but when another younger cis woman tells you you get all goose pimply?  I swear!! Fridge! Now!!

Love ya and hugs too,
  Laurie

Quote
**looks at what Laurie quoted** ... **looks at what Laurie replied** ... **looks back at what Laurie quoted** ... **looks back at what Laurie replied**

Are saying some young cis woman is calling me hideous and you're claiming that you said it first?
Well I never .... @!#$% ... Why I aughta ... @#$%@# ...

**peeks out from behind the fridge**
:D  :icon_wave: :icon_biggrin:

Looks like 'splaining needs doing

**looks at what Laurie quoted** 
QuoteThanks for the positives, Kathy and Donica, and any other people in hiding.

**looks at what Laurie replied**


Damn it, Faith!! Isn't that (I just thought you were an older woman)what EVERYONE has been telling you????? Sheeeeesh Oh no you won't believe us but when another younger cis woman tells you you get all goose pimply?

There all better?

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 26, 2018, 06:06:12 AM
@Laurie
I'm so confused, I'm going to go eat some eggs.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on September 27, 2018, 07:10:45 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 26, 2018, 06:06:12 AM
@Laurie
I'm so confused, I'm going to go eat some eggs.

...but are they green and are you having ham?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 27, 2018, 07:25:10 AM
Quote from: LizK on September 27, 2018, 07:10:45 AM
...but are they green and are you having ham?

ah, no. They are turning a bit pink though :). Lori did make green eggs for my granddaughter the other day



On another note, while I'm in here, apparently my monthly cycle is making a 5th appearance. I texted Lori that I feel off today, not down or depressed, just off. Her reply was, "Beginning your cycle, very noticeable the last 3 days"

Well ... crap ...

Another thing that I noticed, my blah type feeling about the forums, feeling ignored/bypassed/alone. The last time, I asked @Cindy to lock my thread ... it was Aug 24th. It's happening again. Started a few days ago (tried to ignore it by making goofy posts @Stephanie. Today is the 27th; three days ago, per Lori, was exactly the 24th.

I think I'm regular.

So, I ask you to bear with me. If I should post a bit weird, or not quite as you've come to expect, I blame it on PMS

That's all.
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 27, 2018, 07:41:26 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 27, 2018, 07:25:10 AM
ah, no. They are turning a bit pink though :). Lori did make green eggs for my granddaughter the other day



On another note, while I'm in here, apparently my monthly cycle is making a 5th appearance. I texted Lori that I feel off today, not down or depressed, just off. Her reply was, "Beginning your cycle, very noticeable the last 3 days"

Well ... crap ...

Another thing that I noticed, my blah type feeling about the forums, feeling ignored/bypassed/alone. The last time, I asked @Cindy to lock my thread ... it was Aug 24th. It's happening again. Started a few days ago (tried to ignore it by making goofy posts @Stephanie. Today is the 27th; three days ago, per Lori, was exactly the 24th.

I think I'm regular.

So, I ask you to bear with me. If I should post a bit weird, or not quite as you've come to expect, I blame it on PMS

That's all.
Faith

There is no doubt that this cycle is a "thing." I definitely experienced it myself for the first six months or so on HRT. Not so much any more, and I'm not sure why. Possibly the increasing assurance and confidence from living successfully as myself day-to-day helps compensate for the lows and smooths things out over the month.

The good thing is recognizing it lets you be mentally prepared for it and make allowances. While it's crummy while it's happening, knowing what's going on and that it won't last can make all the difference in your mood.

Hang in there, my friend. Consider it like a kidney stone. It hurts now, but it'll pass.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 27, 2018, 07:55:14 AM
I was thinking about hiding and lurking off the forums for awhile until Lori said that and got me thinking. I'm not going to let some hormones dictate my life.. well, not in this case anyways.

Wait, kidney stone? How about kidney boulder!


Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 27, 2018, 07:41:26 AM
There is no doubt that this cycle is a "thing." I definitely experienced it myself for the first six months or so on HRT. Not so much any more, and I'm not sure why. Possibly the increasing assurance and confidence from living successfully as myself day-to-day helps compensate for the lows and smooths things out over the month.

The good thing is recognizing it lets you be mentally prepared for it and make allowances. While it's crummy while it's happening, knowing what's going on and that it won't last can make all the difference in your mood.

Hang in there, my friend. Consider it like a kidney stone. It hurts now, but it'll pass.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on September 27, 2018, 08:23:46 AM
You are not alone!  The first few months on HRT I did get cycles every month. Started around the 13th and I was feeling moody. That usually was followed by some bloating and crazy food cravings. This was in line with me cycling progesterone.  It has gotten a little better or I got used to it but I may want to track it a bit more to see if I still get the moody days. My dates were in line with me cycling progesterone. The drop in progesterone is the trigger for a cis female period.

Like your wife, mine kept making snarky comments about it being "this time of the month again". I did not dare to respond: "Now you know how I felt since we know each other".

I talked to my OBGYN about it, and she just shrugged and said "welcome to being a woman". We both had a good laugh about it.

The good news is - it is only a few days, usually after 4 days I am fine again.

I know there is no real scientific evidence for this but I know many trans women who experience some symptoms of PMS....

Stay strong, it will be over in a little bit!

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Faith on September 27, 2018, 07:25:10 AM
On another note, while I'm in here, apparently my monthly cycle is making a 5th appearance. I texted Lori that I feel off today, not down or depressed, just off. Her reply was, "Beginning your cycle, very noticeable the last 3 days"

Well ... crap ...

Another thing that I noticed, my blah type feeling about the forums, feeling ignored/bypassed/alone. The last time, I asked @Cindy to lock my thread ... it was Aug 24th. It's happening again. Started a few days ago (tried to ignore it by making goofy posts @Stephanie. Today is the 27th; three days ago, per Lori, was exactly the 24th.

I think I'm regular.

So, I ask you to bear with me. If I should post a bit weird, or not quite as you've come to expect, I blame it on PMS

That's all.
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 27, 2018, 08:30:08 AM
@Sarah .. Thanks. At least I'm not crazy (@Stephanie lips sealed, not a sound, not a type either!)

I checked back a little through my posts. When Kathy posted a picture of me that made me fall apart .. it was early in the 1st week of that month. Things get obvious once they're, um, obvious? :D

**Deep Breaths** **Breasts in/out** ... I mean ... **Breathe in/out**
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 27, 2018, 09:29:22 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 27, 2018, 08:30:08 AM
@Sarah .. Thanks. At least I'm not crazy (@Stephanie lips sealed, not a sound, not a type either!)

I checked back a little through my posts. When Kathy posted a picture of me that made me fall apart .. it was early in the 1st week of that month. Things get obvious once they're, um, obvious? :D

**Deep Breaths** **Breasts in/out** ... I mean ... **Breathe in/out**

"Crazy" is such a loaded term. I have others in mind, but I was instructed to say nothing.

It was only after the first 3 or 4 cycles that I looked back at my posts here and recognized the pattern. Searching here and "asking the Google" showed me that I wasn't delusional. It's a real thing, even if you're not cycling the meds like Sarah was.

** Breasts out/breasts out/breasts OUT, darnit! **


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 27, 2018, 09:37:45 AM
Quote
"Crazy" is such a loaded term. I have others in mind, but I was instructed to say nothing.

:eusa_naughty:   :eusa_silenced:

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 27, 2018, 09:29:22 AM
** Breasts out/breasts out/breasts OUT, darnit! **

I was trying to get a rise out of you, I guess it didn't work :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 27, 2018, 09:39:22 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 27, 2018, 09:37:45 AM
:eusa_naughty:   :eusa_silenced:

I was trying to get a rise out of you, I guess it didn't work :D

Please don't stop trying. I need all the help I can get. At this point it's only my ego that's inflated.


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 27, 2018, 09:42:43 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 27, 2018, 09:39:22 AM
Please don't stop trying. I need all the help I can get. At this point it's only my ego that's inflated.
Stephanie

I did the google for inflatable boobs .. I don't recommend it ..  :icon_yikes:  .. I recommend sticking to assisted nature.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 27, 2018, 03:14:41 PM
 Boobs? boobs? Did someone say boobs? I want some(more) please. I like boobs.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on September 27, 2018, 03:23:58 PM
My eyes are burned. Note to self: If someone says google something... don't...

;D ;D ;D ;D


Quote from: Faith on September 27, 2018, 09:42:43 AM

I did the google for inflatable boobs .. I don't recommend it ..  :icon_yikes:  .. I recommend sticking to assisted nature.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 27, 2018, 03:30:01 PM
Quote from: sarah1972 on September 27, 2018, 03:23:58 PM
My eyes are burned. Note to self: If someone says google something... don't...

;D ;D ;D ;D

I did recommend against it. You must learn to read with improved comprehension .. or wear your reading specs.
Oh, I forgot .. you burned your eyes. hm, Try aloe.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 27, 2018, 03:53:50 PM
Quote from: sarah1972 on September 27, 2018, 03:23:58 PM
My eyes are burned. Note to self: If someone says google something... don't...

;D ;D ;D ;D

@sarah1972   @Faith   @Laurie   @Steph2.0
Why did you "make" me google it???  I broke out in laughter.

It is unbelievable what some people will buy....   
...hormones worked for me...
and if I needed more than my C-cup I would have done it right with BA.

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on September 27, 2018, 04:32:57 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 27, 2018, 03:30:01 PM
I did recommend against it. You must learn to read with improved comprehension .. or wear your reading specs.
Oh, I forgot .. you burned your eyes. hm, Try aloe.

I know you recommended against it. It is like a pickle (or candy) jar with a big flashy sign saying "do not eat"....

I am just glad I was not the only one, seems our Northern Star also went on Google [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 27, 2018, 05:37:13 PM
@Sarah @Danielle @Stephanie

so, no posting of the big red button .... got it.

I decided against hyperlinking 'button', it seems that some people just can't resist temptation.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on September 27, 2018, 11:06:43 PM
Inflatable boobs...It seems this thread has come a long way since my Dr Seuss reference....it kinda reads like one of his boobs books LOL
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 28, 2018, 10:47:00 AM
boobs aside (unfortunately mine are aside :P)

I just received a call from PP. My labs came back normal (whatever normal is) I should be able to see the results for myself soon. They usually don't post until the Dr has had time to review. So, normal, they renewed my prescriptions and added progesterone.

more steps forward.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 28, 2018, 12:23:26 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 28, 2018, 10:47:00 AM
boobs aside (unfortunately mine are aside :P)

I just received a call from PP. My labs came back normal (whatever normal is) I should be able to see the results for myself soon. They usually don't post until the Dr has had time to review. So, normal, they renewed my prescriptions and added progesterone.

more steps forward.

Faith

Nice Faith! I asked my Endo for progesterone. She just looked me and laughed. Ok, she really didn't laugh, She just said NO!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!. Then she said, maybe after your GRS.

I think there really is something to this cycle thing too. Even over a year on HRT, I've been having this nasty urge for pickle relish. I never liked it before. But now, I put that s&%t on everything.

Oh! and I didn't google it. I took your word for it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 28, 2018, 12:40:30 PM
I don't know if it's good or bad, I'd have to research more. pros and cons and all that.


waddayamean ya dint gOOgle it?

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 28, 2018, 01:56:08 PM
Ok ok!!! I did google it. Dear lord, why did I do that? ::). In all honesty, I knew that they would come up with that sooner or later. I used to dream of having inflatable boobs in my CD days. The German girl I saw on YouTube must have a real serious boob sag issue when she deflates.  Uh, Oh, too much? Sorry ;D.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 29, 2018, 01:40:00 PM
Lori and I went off for breakfast this morning. It was crowded. We spoke to a few people while we were waiting. We decided to swing into Goodwill afterwards for a bit of browsing (turned into retail therapy :D ) Really, there is nothing better than just spending time with someone as you browse and chat.

With my arms getting full, I went for a cart .. grabbed the slowest noisiest cart ever, had to swap that out. I ended up browsing carts just to find a workable one. While involved in that a couple ladies came in. I hear, "Hello Faith, we meet again". It was the couple from IHOP and they remembered my name. I suppose I do stand out just a bit :P After a brief friendly conversation we go our separate ways to finish our shopping.

With Halloween stuff everywhere, on a whim, I tried on a hat (hats hate me). Lori's eyes popped and said, "Wait, I need a picture". Well, I must say, not too shabby:

(https://i.imgur.com/da6HTti.jpg)

Oh and the obligatory scarf picture for Steph and Jayne

(https://i.imgur.com/NBIGNVF.jpg)

Here's a link to the album:
https://imgur.com/a/wBUAAxF (https://imgur.com/a/wBUAAxF)
We did not buy the hat nor the scarf.

there was more to the shopping spree (+-$70 before discount cards). All in all, quite awesome.
Faith

ps
Had a happy moment at the check out:
(quote from 'what made you happy today" topic)
Quote from: Faith on September 29, 2018, 01:35:47 PM
Today at Goodwill, at the checkout, a lady started a conversation with me by saying ,"Have we met before at <some location> we had a lot of fun". I was like, not me, I'm only just now starting to have fun.

After a brief pause she struck more conversation. Responding that I'm a work in progress she said that she has several friends transitioning. I told her how long it's been (short time) and her response was, "It's working for you, you're very pretty" .... squeee .... (small squee, I don't want to get in trouble with Steph by exploding).

already a bouncy day that really set me off .. WOOOOO!  :D


disclaimer:
paraphrased, my CRS prevents verbatim recitations

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on September 29, 2018, 02:29:07 PM
Woo-hoo!  I love the pics, Faith.  The lady at the checkout was right: you are pretty!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 29, 2018, 02:33:30 PM
Absolutely gorgeous hat Faith. How nice that people are remembering you. It's great to see you both having such a good time together. I would say this deserves a <<<SQUEEHAPPYSPLOSION>>>. To much? Sorry! I'm not as good at SQUEE'S as Stephanie is. Perhaps I'll leave that to the pro's.

BTW! What's with the tongue lol?

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 29, 2018, 02:51:15 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Way to go Faith... you look absolutely wonderful in your newest photos as you were out and about on your shopping spree.   Your outfit is really nice.... love the hat.   OH, and that was nice that the couple that you met at IHOP recognized you and greeted you by name.   
All of this is very affirming for sure..... enjoy every moment.

Although I never heard the term before that @Donica used, I know what it means and it is quite appropriate in response to your posting.....
               <<<SQUEEHAPPYSPLOSION>>>

Oh, and I greeted Lori  @DiLoris  on her thread just a few minutes ago...
...... now that she is here it will be quite difficult keeping any secrets and surprises from her.  ;)

Thanks for your wonderful update....
Hugs and well wishes.....
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: DiLoris on September 29, 2018, 02:51:34 PM
Quote from: Donica on September 28, 2018, 01:56:08 PM
Ok ok!!! I did google it. Dear lord, why did I do that? ::). In all honesty, I knew that they would come up with that sooner or later. I used to dream of having inflatable boobs in my CD days. The German girl I saw on YouTube must have a real serious boob sag issue when she deflates.  Uh, Oh, too much? Sorry ;D.

Donica, Faith has always had a fascination for boobs.

Quote from: sarah1972 on September 27, 2018, 03:23:58 PM
My eyes are burned. Note to self: If someone says google something... don't...
;D ;D ;D ;D

Sarah, Love you already girl.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: DiLoris on September 29, 2018, 03:02:27 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on September 29, 2018, 02:29:07 PM
Woo-hoo!  I love the pics, Faith.  The lady at the checkout was right: you are pretty!

Kathy I agree she is pretty.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 29, 2018, 02:51:15 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Way to go Faith... you look absolutely wonderful in your newest photos as you were out and about on your shopping spree.   Your outfit is really nice.... love the hat.   OH, and that was nice that the couple that you met at IHOP recognized you and greeted you by name.   
All of this is very affirming for sure..... enjoy every moment.

Although I never heard the term before that @Donica used, I know what it means and it is quite appropriate in response to your posting.....
               <<<SQUEEHAPPYSPLOSION>>>

Oh, and I greeted Lori  @DiLoris  on her thread just a few minutes ago...
...... now that she is here it will be quite difficult keeping any secrets and surprises from her.  ;)

Thanks for your wonderful update....
Hugs and well wishes.....
Danielle


Danielle I have read a lot of your stuff over Faiths shoulder. Thank-you for your kind words to Faith. It means the world.  Lori  By the way I Love your smile.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 29, 2018, 03:40:28 PM
Quote from: Donica on September 29, 2018, 02:33:30 PM....<snip>...BTW! What's with the tongue lol?

That's for Steph and Jayne. If you look at the album, there's some without the tongue :D

Thank you all for your continued compliments, they mean a lot. I don't quite agree with 'pretty' but who am I to argue or call you liars embellisher's  exaggerators,  oh the heck with it ... THANK YOU  :-*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 29, 2018, 04:17:00 PM
Quote from: Donica on September 29, 2018, 02:33:30 PM

BTW! What's with the tongue lol?


I'm claiming credit for the scarf thing, having been taught the virtues by my wonderful next-door neighbor. But then Jayne decided to elbow in on the fad, and we came to an agreement that she can wear them when it's cold for her in the summer, and I wear them when it gets cold here for the winter.

But now... now Faith wants in on it, too? And shows her defiance with her tongue? I don't know about that, girlfriend. I know who knows where you live. Scarves can be both pretty and deadly, just like me. (🤪)

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 29, 2018, 04:59:01 PM
You are most welcome dear!
Quote from: Faith on September 29, 2018, 03:40:28 PM
That's for Steph and Jayne. If you look at the album, there's some without the tongue :D

Thank you all for your continued compliments, they mean a lot. I don't quite agree with 'pretty' but who am I to argue or call you liars embellisher's  exaggerators,  oh the heck with it ... THANK YOU  :-*

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 30, 2018, 12:05:38 AM
An awesome night tonight, I didn't want it to end .. but it did.
Details here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,241264.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,241264.0.html)

be prepared for a lengthy read
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 30, 2018, 12:34:55 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 30, 2018, 12:05:38 AM
An awesome night tonight, I didn't want it to end .. but it did.
Details here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,241264.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,241264.0.html)

be prepared for a lengthy read

@Faith
Dear Faith: 
I have read it, twice in fact, I didn't want to miss all the happy moments that you mentioned.
.... I just posted my reply comment to it on your thread....
Keep the updates coming!!!   :)

Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on September 30, 2018, 01:10:48 AM
 Hi Faith,

  I also read you awesome night post and even though I responded to it. But I'll be darned if I know where it went. I probably didn't notice that the warning that someone else had posted before me ( @Alaskan Danielle ) and messed up posting mine. Anyway I agree it was an awesome night.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 30, 2018, 08:17:54 AM
Quote from: Laurie on September 30, 2018, 01:10:48 AM
Hi Faith,

  I also read you awesome night post and even though I responded to it. But I'll be darned if I know where it went. I probably didn't notice that the warning that someone else had posted before me ( @Alaskan Danielle ) and messed up posting mine. Anyway I agree it was an awesome night.

Hugs,
  Laurie

@Laurie
Dear Laurie:
I am so very sorry that I messed up your reply posting...   you might have noticed that I am pretty quick on the trigger when posting on the Forums....  :)
Perhaps this is your signal to increase your typing speed ???

Wow, I am glad that you are not the only one that posts stuff and somehow the comment never gets on to the thread....   happens to me on occasion as well.   It is good to know that WE are only human.

So, back to the wonderful report and recent postings by @Faith and Lori @DiLoris  .....    truly a blessing for me to read about you two....   all of us on the Forums love both of you and we are wishing you much happiness.

Hugs and well wishes to all.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 30, 2018, 08:55:25 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 30, 2018, 12:34:55 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith: 
I have read it, twice in fact, I didn't want to miss all the happy moments that you mentioned.
.... I just posted my reply comment to it on your thread....
Keep the updates coming!!!   :)

Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle


So much more to add, I can't type them all. Thank you for giving it a twice over, I'm sure it was just as confusing the second time though :)

Quote from: Laurie on September 30, 2018, 01:10:48 AM
Hi Faith,

  I also read you awesome night post and even though I responded to it. But I'll be darned if I know where it went. I probably didn't notice that the warning that someone else had posted before me ( @Alaskan Danielle ) and messed up posting mine. Anyway I agree it was an awesome night.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Dont worry about it Laurie, I know you're watching and judging  paying attention in case we slip up and need fridge time need gentle direction and support.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 30, 2018, 08:17:54 AM
@Laurie ... <snip> ...So, back to the wonderful report and recent postings by @Faith and Lori @DiLoris  .....    truly a blessing for me to read about you two....   all of us on the Forums love both of you and we are wishing you much happiness.

Hugs and well wishes to all.
Danielle


Thank you very much Danielle. You've been very inspiration with all your positive thoughts and posts. I hope I gave some back to others on here in some small way.

Kathy, I know you posted in the other thread. Although I didn't reply directly, I saw your post. Thank You. And, more dancing? I don't think I'll have a choice. Pretty sure I'll be dragged onto the dance floor the next time.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 30, 2018, 09:20:49 AM
Yes, I read it too Faith. I left a comment for you both. An absolutely wonderful update.

Hugs you two!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 30, 2018, 09:57:28 AM
Hey Donica .. oh, odd story for you. I was helping Lori learn the ropes on the forum and your profile name said bowl, that's right bowl. why is that? O.o oddest thing ...

When that one lady asked about my hair and Lori responded with 'HE .... '. Things could have gone downhill rapidly. Instead it all worked out for the best and I have even more supporters now. We need to keep in mind, not all misgenderings are a bad thing.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 30, 2018, 10:20:15 AM
I concur! Bowl? not sure either. I'll look into it? Were you seeing double? I know you and Lori had a bid night last night!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 30, 2018, 10:58:47 AM
Quote from: Donica on September 30, 2018, 10:20:15 AM
I concur! Bowl? not sure either. I'll look into it? Were you seeing double? I know you and Lori had a bid night last night!

probably just a forum database glitch pulling up the username. I just thought that maybe you were having an identity crisis ........ oh, wait ..................

I can't stop thinking about last night. Take away the people that know me and no one saw a guy, they saw a woman
..... weeeeee .....

Even the one friend that knows me well said that if he didn't know he wouldn't be able to tell. Apparently I make a beautiful woman ..... must have been the smoke, smoking is still allowed in there ..... :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on September 30, 2018, 11:04:24 AM
No, it's not the smoke.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on September 30, 2018, 02:16:02 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 30, 2018, 10:58:47 AMApparently I make a beautiful woman ..... must have been the smoke, smoking is still allowed in there ..... :D

Anyone who says otherwise is blowing smoke.

Faith, the confidence engendered by success can't  be underestimated. I was scared for a long time, until I got out there and was recognized as a woman by most, and fully accepted by the rest.

I love seeing you happy like this. You've passed one of the biggest milestones we face.

Congratulations!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 30, 2018, 02:53:01 PM
previous:
Quote
12/29/2017
TESTOSTERONE      703   ng/dL

05/09/2018
Estradiol         125.2                                   pg/mL     P1
06/13/2018
TESTOSTERONE      201   H  ng/dL

current
Quote
09/22/2018
ESTRADIOL   118  (19-144 Mid-Cycle)
TESTOSTERONE, TOTAL, MS    8 (2-45, normal)


note:
bad blood specimen, again. I have no idea if the results are tainted.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on September 30, 2018, 03:17:05 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 30, 2018, 02:16:02 PM
Anyone who says otherwise is blowing smoke.

Faith, the confidence engendered by success can't  be underestimated. I was scared for a long time, until I got out there and was recognized as a woman by most, and fully accepted by the rest.

I love seeing you happy like this. You've passed one of the biggest milestones we face.

Congratulations!

Stephanie

Oh hey Steph. I love being this way!! WOOOO, what a rush!

Seen as a woman, well, it does seem to be happening more and more with people that don't already know me. I guess that's a win :). Now I need it to happen when I'm not all doctored up.

Smoke Blowing, it's an Art form. We need to tell Art to shut it.


Daily note:
My younger (not youngest) brother is down visiting. We haven't seen each other since waaay early in announcing my 'change'. He bought a new car, he drove his old one down and asked if I still wanted it. I sad, "How Much?" he replied, "$0.00". At that price how could I say no. So, come Saturday, I'll have a newer(ish) car to drive. a 2003 Subaru Baja. He keeps meticulous maintenance so I should get another 60K miles out of it before it dies (known for blown head gaskets at ~400k, it's at 304) Still better than what I have.


We sat chatting for a bit (Lori at work) I filled him in a bit on what's going on with me. He was the 'whatever makes you happy' then nothing after that response. Anyways, at one point I looked down at my top and said, "I meant to change before you got here". His reply, "You did change before I got here ... Ha!, you stepped into that one Faith".

double entendre, it's well practiced & polished in our family ... but he called me Faith. I guess he's OK :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 30, 2018, 04:38:58 PM
Quote from: Faith on September 30, 2018, 03:17:05 PM
Oh hey Steph. I love being this way!! WOOOO, what a rush!

Seen as a woman, well, it does seem to be happening more and more with people that don't already know me. I guess that's a win :). Now I need it to happen when I'm not all doctored up.

Smoke Blowing, it's an Art form. We need to tell Art to shut it.


Daily note:
My younger (not youngest) brother is down visiting. We haven't seen each other since waaay early in announcing my 'change'. He bought a new car, he drove his old one down and asked if I still wanted it. I sad, "How Much?" he replied, "$0.00". At that price how could I say no. So, come Saturday, I'll have a newer(ish) car to drive. a 2003 Subaru Baja. He keeps meticulous maintenance so I should get another 60K miles out of it before it dies (known for blown head gaskets at ~400k, it's at 304) Still better than what I have.


We sat chatting for a bit (Lori at work) I filled him in a bit on what's going on with me. He was the 'whatever makes you happy' then nothing after that response. Anyways, at one point I looked down at my top and said, "I meant to change before you got here". His reply, "You did change before I got here ... Ha!, you stepped into that one Faith".

double entendre, it's well practiced & polished in our family ... but he called me Faith. I guess he's OK :D

@Faith
Dear Faith:
WOW... another terrific update from you.... you have turned into a bright beacon of hope and good news.

A lot of this positive change in your transition outlook is due to your blood test results being much improved over the last 10 months but also as @Steph2.0 mentioned in her stated in her reply to you:
     "Faith, the confidence engendered by success can't  be underestimated."

I got a chuckle out of what your brother said to you:
      "You did change before I got here ... Ha!, you stepped into that one Faith"

.... and all of that is further made nicer by the fact that he called you "Faith"

You have become quite the positive transitioner on here, it is a joy to see that you are so happy.
Hugs and hugs, and continued well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 01, 2018, 08:02:41 AM
Here I am back at the routine at work and nothing is routine. I want to runaround telling everyone about my weekend, I want to shout it down the halls. Most of the people here would just be like, "eh, so? you had a good time." without picking on on how much it means to me.

I did fill in our receptionist and she was, "See, you were all worried about your appearance and broad shoulders and look what happened". So, I got an 'I told you so'. At least she was happy for me :D

Am I bouncy? Oh yeah. How the heck can I just sit here banging a keyboard with all this bottled up and wanting out? I'll manage. I suppose I'll have to suffer being happy in silence.




bummer note. We found a trigger, hit me hard last night and brought me to tears. I'll not reiterate. Suffice to say, Lori made a comment in passing, jokingly. Logically I knew what she meant and it was fine, nothing untoward about the comment ... BUT ... my brain started screaming in my ears. I started to break down and fall apart. It took over an hour to get turned back around, which I did. While Lori was all worried and consoling and honest about never saying it again, I don't think she quite grasped the intensity of the !!!!!NO!!!!! reverberating in my head.

I know that here, people understand.

No worries. As I said, I am recovered and back to bouncing. Lets get on with the day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:icon_boogy: <- Ya, no, that's not me ...  :icon_blah: <-- nope, not it either  ... :icon_biggrin: <<-- yep, happy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 01, 2018, 09:06:57 AM
I keep remembering things that I want to share. So much positive happened this weekend.

Referring back to my brother, posted above, we plan on going out to hear my older brothers band on Friday, Lori has to work. I asked him if he was going to dance with me. His answer was simply, I'm not a very good dancer (I've seen him dance, it's true). I replied, I'm not very good dancing as a woman either. Well, he didn't say no. I guess we'll see what happens.


Lori recounted something to me. While she was talking to the friend (girl) and I walked off to stand and listen to the music better, she (the friend) said, "He walks better than we do". Lori's reply was, "Yes, she does"

two things come out of that for me. First, apparently, I glide and sway when I walk :D .. secondly, Lori is not afraid to correct people on pronoun use. She told me that she is the only one allowed to mess up. (hmm, I wonder, what about me when I mess up on myself?)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 01, 2018, 10:44:43 AM
In keeping with my promise to myself to post a selfie at the beginning of each week. Here is one taken outside during my walk around the parking lot. The sun was in my eyes and they ended up shadowed. Oh Well, here it is:

(https://i.imgur.com/WkdPrdP.jpg)


I am still struggling with pictures and mirrors for the most part. However, it is getting easier. I am seeing more and more her coming out. Even in this lousy picture, I can see significantly less him ... YAY!

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 01, 2018, 10:56:38 AM
I told ya so!!! Love picture Faith. Sun shadows or not.

Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on October 01, 2018, 11:09:23 AM
Hi Faith - WOW!

I haven't been around the site much in the last few months due to some serious family health issues. Last time I checked, your thread was locked. Before that, I remember you had a lot of issues about posting pictures. Now I'm seeing all kinds of pictures and experiences in the real world.

You have come a LONG way!

I'm still stuck on some confidence issues myself. Seeing you do so well is encouraging to me.

I hope you continue do so well!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 01, 2018, 11:54:51 AM
Quote from: Donica on October 01, 2018, 10:56:38 AM
I told ya so!!! .... Donica.

:P  thbphbphbpb  :P


Quote from: Katie Ellen on October 01, 2018, 11:09:23 AM
Hi Faith - WOW!

I haven't been around the site much in the last few months due to some serious family health issues. Last time I checked, your thread was locked. Before that, I remember you had a lot of issues about posting pictures. Now I'm seeing all kinds of pictures and experiences in the real world.

You have come a LONG way!

I'm still stuck on some confidence issues myself. Seeing you do so well is encouraging to me.

I hope you continue do so well!

Hi Katie! Yes, I agree, I've come a long way in the past few weeks. I hope it continues. The thread locked was during a severe down and out time. I've since connected the dots on why and that makes it easier to avoid the trap. Thank you for the WOW ... was the wow for the picture or my uplifting and positive postings?  HAH! :D

My confidence and self-esteem is still at a fragile point, getting stronger though.

I'm sorry to say that I was so involved in my own self-inflicted disasters that I hadn't noticed your absence :( so sorry for that. I hope that the situation that kept you away has resolved itself for the better and you come around more.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 01, 2018, 01:13:11 PM
Faith, I love the pic, and I love your growing self-confidence.  Katie is right, you have come a long way!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 01, 2018, 01:32:47 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on October 01, 2018, 01:13:11 PM
Faith, I love the pic, and I love your growing self-confidence.  Katie is right, you have come a long way!

Thank you Kathy. I can't stare at that picture, but I can look at it. For an unpolished outdoor picture to be OK to me is huge.

I am a bit amazed at what's happened the past few weeks. I owe a lot of the nudging (outright pushing) to those here on the forum that wouldn't let me bury my head.Without all of you here with your gentle prodding (with a cattle prod) I wouldn't be this far and this happy.

HAH, I feel like I'm standing up and giving thanks for some award :P

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 01, 2018, 01:47:11 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 01, 2018, 01:32:47 PM
Thank you Kathy. I can't stare at that picture, but I can look at it. For an unpolished outdoor picture to be OK to me is huge.

I am a bit amazed at what's happened the past few weeks. I owe a lot of the nudging (outright pushing) to those here on the forum that wouldn't let me bury my head.Without all of you here with your gentle prodding (with a cattle prod) I wouldn't be this far and this happy.

HAH, I feel like I'm standing up and giving thanks for some award :P

Faith


@Faith
Dear Faith: As being discussed, this is a big positive change in your transition outlook from several weeks ago, back then you did not want any of your pictures to stay up on you postings....  now look at you....  we are all so very happy for you.... and all of your pictures including your "unpolished outdoor picture" are wonderful for all of us to see.

Oh, in all of our flurry of PMs and posting exchanges several weeks ago I am not so sure that I was being very gentle with my proddings ....  I was being persistent and tenacious with you trying to convince you to go forward with confidence as I am sure that your other followers an supporters were being with you.....   and to your benefit, it worked, here you are in all of your glory and now posting encouraging things about your transition experiences... and you have your Lori  @DiLoris at your side helping you along with her acceptance and suggestions.   What can be better than that?

Please continue keeping your very interested followers tuned in to your latest happenings.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle


Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 01, 2018, 05:04:56 PM
As you may recall, PP renewed my prescriptions (estradiol & spironolactone) and added progesterone.  Well, they screwed up my prescription and never sent in the one for progesterone. I emailed about the error (calling is a horror, email is much easier) and it's finally been corrected. My prescription is in .. $30  :o  I hope it's a full 3 months or better. If that's 30 days I may have to do without.

Faith

Oh, hey Danielle, yep I saw your latest post .....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on October 01, 2018, 05:13:03 PM
I had a $10/mo copay for it when I picked up my 3 month supply. So if you have an insurance plan that may be right for 3 months
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on October 02, 2018, 06:11:25 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 30, 2018, 10:58:47 AM
Apparently I make a beautiful woman ..... must have been the smoke, smoking is still allowed in there ..... :D

Would it be childish if I said...told you so...Hmmm probably so I won't.....LOL

Quote from: Faith on October 01, 2018, 09:06:57 AM
I keep remembering things that I want to share. So much positive happened this weekend.


...Lori recounted something to me. While she was talking to the friend (girl) and I walked off to stand and listen to the music better, she (the friend) said, "He walks better than we do". Lori's reply was, "Yes, she does"

two things come out of that for me. First, apparently, I glide and sway when I walk :D .. secondly, Lori is not afraid to correct people on pronoun use. She told me that she is the only one allowed to mess up. (hmm, I wonder, what about me when I mess up on myself?)

Brilliant made me grin like a dope as I read this...I owe you an email and its comming, life is always getting in the road LOL I am glad read you are doing so well..you sound really happy.

Take care
Liz

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 02, 2018, 06:28:57 AM
Quote from: LizK on October 02, 2018, 06:11:25 AM
Would it be childish if I said...told you so...Hmmm probably so I won't.....LOL

:eusa_naughty: ........... Yah, ok, but I think you were beat to the punch a few times ......

Quote
Brilliant made me grin like a dope as I read this...I owe you an email and its coming, life is always getting in the road LOL I am glad read you are doing so well..you sound really happy.

Take care
Liz

that's right, I need a full page update!! "The Ongoing Life and Times of Liz". A short essay is OK, I don't want you to break a typing finger.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 02, 2018, 06:31:54 AM
Quote from: Laurie on October 01, 2018, 05:13:03 PM
I had a $10/mo copay for it when I picked up my 3 month supply. So if you have an insurance plan that may be right for 3 months

3 mo with a partial refill (probably to cover next visit overlap). We should be ok on our meds. At least we have a fairly decent prescription plan. Hmm, Lori's planing on retiring, probably need to look into one of those as well. Currently all our insurance is through her work.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on October 02, 2018, 08:33:59 AM
Some pretty cool updates and a very nice picture, Faith.

You got this. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 02, 2018, 09:57:09 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on October 02, 2018, 08:33:59 AM
Some pretty cool updates and a very nice picture, Faith.

You got this. 
Hi Tonya!  Thanks :)



So much happened this past little while, my head is still spinning. I keep thinking of things, start to post, and realize that I already shared it :P. Close friends telling me that if they didn't already know me, they'd have no clue I wasn't a (cis)woman (they don't say cis, that's my addition). I'm happy with the good, happy with my relationship with Lori, happy with the fact that mirrors and photos are starting to like me. I'm just happy.

If my transition stopped right now I think I could stay happy and I'm really just getting started. I'm afraid to coast though, I don't want the happy to fade due to some lack of progress my brain might detect (it's happened before). Let's not think about that ... stay happy  :icon_joy:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on October 02, 2018, 11:38:45 AM
Come on everyone, all together now:

"WE TOLD YOU SO!"

Sure, believe some old friend and dismiss us like an old shoe.  We know where we stand.

Seriously Faith, you've got me all bouncy, too!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 02, 2018, 11:43:01 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 02, 2018, 11:38:45 AM
... dismiss us like an old shoe...
I have to ... we all need new shoes :D

QuoteWe know where we stand.
on old shoes?

QuoteSeriously Faith, you've got me all bouncy, too!
:icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy: :icon_joy:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 02, 2018, 11:44:56 AM
Don't look now but your bouncing again!!!! "WE TOLD YOU SO" ;D

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 02, 2018, 12:46:07 PM
Laws of physics say that the bouncing will slow down and stop without some external force working on it. Only one thing I can do ... I have to go out again and party!!!!

hmm, should I wear a dress this time?  Nah, too hard to dance in. Better to stick with slacks or jeans (just in case).
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on October 02, 2018, 02:45:51 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 02, 2018, 12:46:07 PM
Laws of physics say that the bouncing will slow down and stop without some external force working on it. Only one thing I can do ... I have to go out again and party!!!!

hmm, should I wear a dress this time?  Nah, too hard to dance in. Better to stick with slacks or jeans (just in case).

Dancing in a dress is awesome! I highly recommend it. Find a skaters dress or fit-and-flare. You can't swirl slacks!

Swirly Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 02, 2018, 03:09:47 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 02, 2018, 02:45:51 PM
Dancing in a dress is awesome! I highly recommend it. Find a skaters dress or fit-and-flare. You can't swirl slacks!

Swirly Stephanie

... some day ....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on October 02, 2018, 03:34:03 PM
Yeay Faith, I am so happy to read your post. This is such a great progress in just a few weeks! You have tremendous progress and seeing you saying you start liking to look into the mirror is just amazing!

I hope it keeps going and you stay happy!

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Faith on October 02, 2018, 09:57:09 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on October 02, 2018, 08:33:59 AM
Some pretty cool updates and a very nice picture, Faith.

You got this. 
Hi Tonya!  Thanks :)



So much happened this past little while, my head is still spinning. I keep thinking of things, start to post, and realize that I already shared it :P. Close friends telling me that if they didn't already know me, they'd have no clue I wasn't a (cis)woman (they don't say cis, that's my addition). I'm happy with the good, happy with my relationship with Lori, happy with the fact that mirrors and photos are starting to like me. I'm just happy.

If my transition stopped right now I think I could stay happy and I'm really just getting started. I'm afraid to coast though, I don't want the happy to fade due to some lack of progress my brain might detect (it's happened before). Let's not think about that ... stay happy  :icon_joy:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 02, 2018, 04:33:09 PM
Quote from: sarah1972 on October 02, 2018, 03:34:03 PM
Yeay Faith, I am so happy to read your post. This is such a great progress in just a few weeks! You have tremendous progress and seeing you saying you start liking to look into the mirror is just amazing!
YAY! :D

Quote
I hope it keeps going and you stay happy!

(https://i.imgur.com/hbGdahG.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 03, 2018, 06:30:12 AM
emotionally draining day yesterday.

At Lori's request, I dressed down for an event last night. I never realized just how bad that could be now, I felt like I was undoing myself one piece at a time. I was choking back tears by the time I was ready to go. I'd like to point out, I was still all in feminine clothes (I don't have any of that other kind anymore) so it's not like I dressed masculine. It sure felt like it though. I picked the most androgynous combination that I could find. Trust me, I saw him head to toe. :(

She did apologize, after seeing how it affected me, multiple times. Said she'd never ask it again.

I've been very fortunate in my presentation, wearing what I feel is right. I knew it would bother me, read posts of others that had to switch gears for one day/night/event. Until it happens you just don't know what it's going to do. I don't want to go through that again.

My son treated us to late dinner/breakfast. Daughter and her children there as well. I had to use the restroom when we got there, Lori disappeared somewhere, so I used the men's room. I've never felt so out of place, I felt like I was in a dark alley at night. I couldn't stop looking around for trouble. I was alone with myself in a strange place. I've never felt that before either.

I had to keep choking back tears during the meal, I was afraid of a full meltdown. (3 different times) My wife knew ... my older granddaughter noticed (asked if I was alright) ... my daughter asked then said, "Oh this is the first week of the month" ... Older granddaughter heard her. 1st Week probably did contribute to what I was feeling, I suppose, maybe :P All in all that part of the evening went well. No joking or poking fun, they understood. With older granddaughter I think it's finally sinking in to her the reality of what I am doing and going through.

The waitress, older lady, did a good job juggling us 6 plus the other groups. She was the only one there (aside from the chef). We gave her a good tip. On the way out I asked her if I could give her a hug, which she accepted with a smile). I don't know why, I just felt that she needed one/deserved on and I wanted to do it. Odd feeling for me, turning into a hugger ... I never liked hugs.

Well, that seems long but is a brief description of last night. Today is a new day.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on October 03, 2018, 07:15:44 AM
Oh no Faith - I am so sorry. I can do fee with you... I had to do it on request of my wife. As you, I tried to find the most androgynous look I could find but it was draining. What got me through was the thought that I love my wife and this is incredibly hard on her, so the agreement we have is that she can always veto my outfits and ask to dress down. I really do it for her.it happens so rarely that it is a non issue, but I also know that she has been cutting back her social life a bit.

Male restrooms: this summer I wanted to avoid a very long line in front of the ladies room and opted for the men's room. OMG - I never felt so out of place. I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, so I could have gone both ways, but I got way too many strange looks.

Stay strong Faith! You are a beautiful woman!!!

Hugs,

Sarah



Quote from: Faith on October 03, 2018, 06:30:12 AM
emotionally draining day yesterday.

At Lori's request, I dressed down for an event last night. I never realized just how bad that could be now, I felt like I was undoing myself one piece at a time. I was choking back tears by the time I was ready to go. I'd like to point out, I was still all in feminine clothes (I don't have any of that other kind anymore) so it's not like I dressed masculine. It sure felt like it though. I picked the most androgynous combination that I could find. Trust me, I saw him head to toe. :(

She did apologize, after seeing how it affected me, multiple times. Said she'd never ask it again.

I've been very fortunate in my presentation, wearing what I feel is right. I knew it would bother me, read posts of others that had to switch gears for one day/night/event. Until it happens you just don't know what it's going to do. I don't want to go through that again.

My son treated us to late dinner/breakfast. Daughter and her children there as well. I had to use the restroom when we got there, Lori disappeared somewhere, so I used the men's room. I've never felt so out of place, I felt like I was in a dark alley at night. I couldn't stop looking around for trouble. I was alone with myself in a strange place. I've never felt that before either.

I had to keep choking back tears during the meal, I was afraid of a full meltdown. (3 different times) My wife knew ... my older granddaughter noticed (asked if I was alright) ... my daughter asked then said, "Oh this is the first week of the month" ... Older granddaughter heard her. 1st Week probably did contribute to what I was feeling, I suppose, maybe :P All in all that part of the evening went well. No joking or poking fun, they understood. With older granddaughter I think it's finally sinking in to her the reality of what I am doing and going through.

The waitress, older lady, did a good job juggling us 6 plus the other groups. She was the only one there (aside from the chef). We gave her a good tip. On the way out I asked her if I could give her a hug, which she accepted with a smile). I don't know why, I just felt that she needed one/deserved on and I wanted to do it. Odd feeling for me, turning into a hugger ... I never liked hugs.

Well, that seems long but is a brief description of last night. Today is a new day.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 03, 2018, 07:28:42 AM
Thank you Sarah for the commiseration and the compliment.

If I twist my thoughts just right I can call it ¿affirming? You start going through HRT getting all comfy and relaxed. Maybe, you think, I don't have to do this. I'm all settled out and happy. Then something happens, tailspin, and it reminds you of why you started all this in the first place. My reactions to moments like this one tells me unequivocally that I'm on the right path, don't turn aside.

Faith

addendum
As you likely read about my past weekend, Lori and I are just starting to regain our social life. Faith is ready to join the world. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 03, 2018, 07:40:12 AM
Faith, you have been on a roll of "ups" lately.  I am sorry that yesterday was a "down".  I understand why you dressed down for your wife, but I don't know if I could do that.  And I understand fully about the effect of going to the men's room.  I *know* that I couldn't go there unless I was part of a gaggle of girls going to the men's room because of a huge lineup at the women's.  I'd have a meltdown before I got in the door, seriously.

I know that you are sensitive about your looks, but I also see that you are starting to accept people's word that you do indeed look good.  Too good to go to the men's room.  You are a woman; use the women's room.

Quote from: Faith on October 03, 2018, 07:28:42 AMMy reactions to moments like this one tells me unequivocally that I'm on the right path, don't turn aside.

There you go!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on October 03, 2018, 09:17:28 AM
Oh Faith, I remember those times so vividly. Thankfully I was never asked to "dress down" though I did do it a little in the early days by my own decision. Once, I was androgynous enough I didn't feel like I could get away with using the ladies room, despite having used nothing else for a while, so I used the men's room. And yes, it was just wrong!

I'm glad those around you picked up on your pain and will know in the future not to force you into that situation again. They are transitioning along with you, and it looks like they want only what's best for you. It will be better next time.

As for hugs, you'd better watch out next time we get together. I'm banking some big ones for you!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 03, 2018, 09:47:52 AM
Kathy and Steph, thank you.

Quotestarting to accept people's word
Kathy, yes, I am starting to accept it. Too many people say so to brush it all off as 'just to make me feel good'. The solidifier was 100% passing Saturday night, I was just a woman. That night will get me through a lot of downs :)
Quoteyou do indeed look good.  Too good to go to the men's room.  You are a woman; use the women's room
It's really sinking in now. I've only used the unisex room @ work. Using that men's room at the restaurant was, as Steph said, just wrong. I'd never felt it before. It'll be a while before I'm comfortable using the ladies room by myself. No more men's rooms in my future.

Steph, Lori did change her mind before we left. I had already started changing and my mind was zoning out. I just said, "Don't worry about it, let's go"

She told me that her mind got full of other parents seeing grandpa (event for my grandson) in a dress. A bunch of bad scenarios went through her head and she got worked up. After she really thought about it she realized that all they would see is another woman. It was too late then, I was already spiraling.

I posted to get it out of my system, self-purge, to share with those that have faced (or will face) similar scenarios. I am much better today, back to smiling.

Steph .. YAY!!! HUGSSSSZZZZZ
I'll look for them on my doorstep
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on October 03, 2018, 10:05:39 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 03, 2018, 09:47:52 AM.
Steph .. YAY!!! HUGSSSSZZZZZ
I'll look for them on my doorstep

I'll leave them under the mat.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 03, 2018, 10:07:21 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 03, 2018, 10:05:39 AM
I'll leave them under the mat.

eww, nasty muddy hugs .. oh wait, MUD WRESTLING !!!!! WOOOOOOOooooo.......
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 03, 2018, 12:01:43 PM
Dear Faith! That was a lot for you to go through. Relationships can be difficult at times. But most of the time, relationships are the best times in our lives. Because Lori is so understanding, your relationship could be the next fairy tail dream relationship. I hope I'm not getting to gooey here.

I understand the anxiety of using the ladies room by yourself. I have yet to do so my self. Well, actually, I have yet to use any public restrooms. I've always make it home just in time :o. If that's not an option, since I am full time, the ladies best step aside. Some men can be such pigs when a lady has to use the men's room.

I'm sure you and Lori are going to have many more happy moments, for many years to come.

Hugs you two!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 03, 2018, 12:58:29 PM
Quote from: Donica on October 03, 2018, 12:01:43 PM
... I'm sure you and Lori are going to have many more happy moments, for many years to come ...
Oh, I'm sure!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 03, 2018, 05:12:08 PM
sitting here in a dark but flowery short skirt, fishnet stockings, black one piece body suit, jean jacket. Waiting for the wife to get home :D

It's a sample Halloween outfit. I'm think to add black goth-type makeup (my daughter will help). I won't put that on right now, I have to work tomorrow. I'm not sure about the hair .. what to do .. what to do ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 03, 2018, 05:21:05 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 03, 2018, 05:12:08 PM
sitting here in a dark but flowery short skirt, fishnet stockings, black one piece body suit, jean jacket. Waiting for the wife to get home :D

It's a sample Halloween outfit. I'm think to add black goth-type makeup (my daughter will help). I won't put that on right now, I have to work tomorrow. I'm not sure about the hair .. what to do .. what to do ...
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Well now, of course your followers will "demand" a picture of you dressed with makeup and all ...
..   we want to see you in your costume!!!   Whatever you do with your hair will be great... it is nice and long so it will be easy to do all kinds of things with.

That is very nice that your daughter is helping you and your wife is on board with all of this....   you are very blessed to have the accepting home and family situation that you are enjoying... and sharing with your followers..

Hugs and well wishes as always.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on October 03, 2018, 11:40:18 PM


Quote from: Faith on October 03, 2018, 05:12:08 PM
sitting here in a dark but flowery short skirt, fishnet stockings, black one piece body suit, jean jacket. Waiting for the wife to get home :D

It's a sample Halloween outfit. I'm think to add black goth-type makeup (my daughter will help). I won't put that on right now, I have to work tomorrow. I'm not sure about the hair .. what to do .. what to do ...

I'm thinking some black streaks in your silver hair would go with the goth look.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 04, 2018, 03:50:14 AM
Hi Faith,

I just caught up on your thread. It was such a joy to read all of your happy posts. Your near meltdown the other day was unfortunate but you handled yourself really well and bounced right back to your happy place. You have come such a long way in the last month or two. I am so happy for you. [emoji2][emoji2][emoji2]

I'll try not stay gone for so long in the future, or perhaps I should........you have reached astronomical heights in my absence.

Way to go Faith!!! Woooohoooooooo!
[emoji1323][emoji1323][emoji1323]

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 04, 2018, 06:12:14 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on October 04, 2018, 03:50:14 AM
Hi Faith,

I just caught up on your thread. It was such a joy to read all of your happy posts. Your near meltdown the other day was unfortunate but you handled yourself really well and bounced right back to your happy place. You have come such a long way in the last month or two. I am so happy for you. [emoji2][emoji2][emoji2]

I'll try not stay gone for so long in the future, or perhaps I should........you have reached astronomical heights in my absence.

Way to go Faith!!! Woooohoooooooo!
[emoji1323][emoji1323][emoji1323]

Hugs,
Jayne

JAYNE!! I missed you sticking your head poking your nose into my business visiting me in my little corner.

Yes indeed, many ups and a few downs, mostly up and it's great WOOOOO is right :D

Welcome back and many thanks.
Faith
ps, I'm waiting for your big update. No hints now, I don't you to spoil it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on October 04, 2018, 06:41:59 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on October 03, 2018, 11:40:18 PM

I'm thinking some black streaks in your silver hair would go with the goth look.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

I agree with Tonya...black streaks would be perfect...maybe a little spiked as well  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 04, 2018, 06:48:37 AM
Quote from: LizK on October 04, 2018, 06:41:59 AM
I agree with Tonya...black streaks would be perfect...maybe a little spiked as well  ;D

oo, good idea .. spiked punch to drink while I'm out carousing :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on October 04, 2018, 07:13:56 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 04, 2018, 06:48:37 AM
oo, good idea .. spiked punch to drink while I'm out carousing :D

Even better!!!... :icon_drunk: :icon_drunk:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 04, 2018, 12:38:22 PM
I was talking to a friend at work today about 'things'. Talking about how some people are OK, others not, some assuming rather than knowing. I told him that I would prefer that they just ask questions rather than rely on rumor and misconceptions. Topic drifted around, he brought up how years ago he had trouble separating gender from sexuality/preference but finally got it and how some people still don't get it. He started to say "he understood" paused and changed it saying, "No, that's not right, I can imagine but I don't really know. No one can unless they're going through it".

It drifted into degrees of need. How some only need minimal, wear panties, small breasts that no one knows or sees but they know for themselves and that's enough. I stated that, unfortunately, I am one that needs to present the whole package, inside and out, despite the issues it can cause.

His answer?

He said, I don't think it's unfortunate. Yes, some people can do minimal and be OK but no one else knows who they are. With you (meaning me), you get to let out the real you for everyone to see and get to know. It's not unfortunate at all.



I just thought I would share a few tidbits of our conversation. It's nice to talk to someone that has no pretense, no specific desire or need to see me one way or the other .. other than as myself.

Faith

I know I didn't word this the way our conversation went, hopefully it comes across in a positive way, because it was.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 04, 2018, 01:43:14 PM
minor update. New phones at work:
(https://i.imgur.com/lJOgMlF.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 05, 2018, 01:16:22 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 04, 2018, 01:43:14 PM
minor update. New phones at work:
(https://i.imgur.com/lJOgMlF.jpg)
@Faith
Dear Faith:
What brand and model of phone is that in your photo??

I have a hate/love relationship with new phones, pads, laptops and desktop computers.....  Sometimes the change throws everything off for days or weeks to figure out the intricacies of the new software and devices.  On the other hand the newer, faster, and more capable equipment, once I get accustomed to how to take advantage of all the new features, can be a real advantage for my personal and business use.

Presently I am an iPhone, iPad, and a Windows 10 HP laptop and two HP desktop computers user.
The biggest issue I have is internet speed where I live....
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on October 05, 2018, 02:16:34 AM
It sounds to me like you a really good conversation with a co=worker who may even be an unwitting ally now able to speak to what you said when he is with others...the conversation seemed positive and he did show some good insight by understanding he can not possibly know how this is for you and is happy to admit it. Chalk up another great experience!!

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 05, 2018, 05:52:07 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 05, 2018, 01:16:22 AM
Dear Faith:
What brand and model of phone is that in your photo??

I have a hate/love relationship with new phones, pads, laptops and desktop computers.....  Sometimes the change throws everything off for days or weeks to figure out the intricacies of the new software and devices.  On the other hand the newer, faster, and more capable equipment, once I get accustomed to how to take advantage of all the new features, can be a real advantage for my personal and business use.

Presently I am an iPhone, iPad, and a Windows 10 HP laptop and two HP desktop computers user.
The biggest issue I have is internet speed where I live....
Danielle

It's a company wide IP system. We currently have Cisco but their licensing is getting too expensive.
We're switching to Mitel (used to be ShoreTel). The phones are the IP 400 series.

I won't hear much change. My phone always forwards to my cell on the 4th ring .. I'm a (within reason) 24/7 reachable employee. I rarely use my desk phone. This one displays my name, unlike the Cisco, that's why I posted it. I had changed names after the new phone order went in. Someone paid attention and made sure my name was updated.

I've have almost every version of windows on one machine or another, 10 being on the most used. I have 3-4 flavors of linux floating around, mostly CentOS 7 though. I maintain all the servers/network/switches


Quote from: LizK on October 05, 2018, 02:16:34 AM
It sounds to me like you a really good conversation with a co=worker who may even be an unwitting ally now able to speak to what you said when he is with others...the conversation seemed positive and he did show some good insight by understanding he can not possibly know how this is for you and is happy to admit it. Chalk up another great experience!!

Take care
Liz

Hey Liz,  Definitely an advocate. He explains things to others that can't quite grasp it. He's in the latino radio area. Only reason that matters is it's easier to explain me to them in spanish. We stumble over the english translations trying to explain it all.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 05, 2018, 06:08:09 AM
I decided to be a bit dressy for work today. While I feel it, I don't think I quite look it. :(

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/I3f18om.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Nicole70 on October 05, 2018, 06:18:17 AM
Faith,

You look wonderful, I like your top. Nice to see your name on the company wide phone system [emoji16]

Nicole
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on October 05, 2018, 06:19:11 AM
Ha! Thanks for the reminder. I have not even recorded a new announcement on my desk phone for work. We mostly use Teams or Skype for work and I really forgot. A few days ago I utterly confused one of our HR ladies having my old name on my voice mail.

Also a good reminder to finally change my name on my phone display. Never really thought about it. I work from home but we do have a full PBX phone system at home, all based on Polycom IP phones. The phone system also runs on CentOS. Easy for me to change.

Since you all posted your gear, here we go:
iPhone, 2 MacBooks (one for work one for personal), a nice high end Win10 desktop, one VM server which is running mostly email and the phone system along with a bunch of systems for work, another server for miscellaneous stuff and a ton of IoT devices. For the most part all this was a giant training ground where I acquired knowledge I could use in my main job and even more in my side jobs.

I used to be all into these gadgets but since I have a kid, this has really taken a backseat. Aside from the money which now is going Into things like diapers and day care, it is also a time factor. I am seriously thinking of de-complicating my life and environment. I may get rid of a lot of the toys and gadgets. They still need maintenance and a lot of them have to be replaced due to age soon.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on October 05, 2018, 07:17:43 AM


Quote from: Faith on October 04, 2018, 12:38:22 PM
He started to say "he understood" paused and changed it saying, "No, that's not right, I can imagine but I don't really know. No one can unless they're going through it".



He said, I don't think it's unfortunate. Yes, some people can do minimal and be OK but no one else knows who they are. With you (meaning me), you get to let out the real you for everyone to see and get to know. It's not unfortunate at all.




These are my favorite parts of this. Both show your coworker to be a true ally.

I'm hoping that people like the real me better.

Quote from: Faith on October 04, 2018, 01:43:14 PM
minor update. New phones at work:
(https://i.imgur.com/lJOgMlF.jpg)

I like it.

They changed something about the program that distributes the calls at work and thankfully it happened after my legal name change so Tonya is listed on my phone and shows up on others if I call them. I had been at my job for 4 years before they did this and my phone still had the name of the guy that used it before me.  Hate to think how long it would have taken to fix again if the recent update had been before my name change.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 05, 2018, 11:13:34 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 06:08:09 AM
I decided to be a bit dressy for work today. While I feel it, I don't think I quite look it. :(


Oh Faith. You have some of the cutest tops. Please share where you get them. Hey look at that! The new phone has your name in it. Yay Faith!

Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 05, 2018, 11:22:21 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 06:08:09 AM
I decided to be a bit dressy for work today. While I feel it, I don't think I quite look it. :(
Faith, you look great!  I like the top!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 05, 2018, 11:29:50 AM
Quote from: Nicole70 on October 05, 2018, 06:18:17 AM
Faith,

You look wonderful, I like your top. Nice to see your name on the company wide phone system [emoji16]

Nicole
Thank you Nicole. (psst, my full chosen name is Faith Nicole)
Have you been in my deep dark pit of darkness before? It is filling in. Occasionally some of the sides fall in and hit you in the face. Got to brush myself off and try again.

Quote from: TonyaW on October 05, 2018, 07:17:43 AM
These are my favorite parts of this ....
mine too :)

Quote from: Donica on October 05, 2018, 11:13:34 AM
Oh Faith. You have some of the cutest tops. Please share where you get them. Hey look at that! The new phone has your name in it. Yay Faith!

Donica.

We are strictly thrift store/goodwill shoppers. Pot luck. Sometimes nothing, sometimes a cartful
Another gal here at work (I had to ask her name, Been here for years and I didn't know it. She knew mine though, strange :D .. oh, I digress .... ). Another Gal here was talking to me and told me that I always wear the cutest things. Must be a compliment :)

Quote from: KathyLauren on October 05, 2018, 11:22:21 AM
Faith, you look great!  I like the top!

HiYa Kathy. Thank You. Lori likes it too, she's threatening to steal wants to borrow it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 05, 2018, 11:44:13 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 11:29:50 AM
Lori likes it too, she's threatening to steal wants to borrow it.
Luckily, Wendy and I are not close to the same size.  She often threatens to shrink some of my clothes, though.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 05, 2018, 11:48:11 AM
small note.

After reading the positive comments, I went back to take another look at the picture. I looked too long, teared up, and had to close the page. Something is just wrong. Why can't I see what others do?

Pitiable Faith



Quote from: KathyLauren on October 05, 2018, 11:44:13 AM
Luckily, Wendy and I are not close to the same size.  She often threatens to shrink some of my clothes, though.
I enjoy being able to talk about and share clothing. An acceptance ritual, plus it's cool. Size minimizes how much cross-sharing that there is.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 05, 2018, 12:00:48 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 11:48:11 AM
small note.

After reading the positive comments, I went back to take another look at the picture. I looked too long, teared up, and had to close the page. Something is just wrong. Why can't I see what others do?

Pitiable Faith

@Faith
Dear Faith:   Come on now, please believe what your friends and followers are telling you.   
When I look at your recent photos I see a beautiful woman with lovely hair.... 
.... and what is it with your sign-off salutation....  "Pitiable Faith"  ???

You have come too far and have read the very positive and affirming comments about your appearance from all of your followers, and heard good things from your friends and also your wife Lori  @DiLoris ....
PLEASE start accepting the fact that you do indeed look amazing, and in the last several weeks I have been thinking that you were past all of this self-doubt....   

We love you Faith......  please have faith in the words that we are all telling you.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 05, 2018, 12:07:00 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 11:48:11 AM
small note.

After reading the positive comments, I went back to take another look at the picture. I looked too long, teared up, and had to close the page. Something is just wrong. Why can't I see what others do?

Oh, sorry that happened, Faith!

When I look at a face, I am not dissecting features.  I am looking at a whole, and, in particular, I am looking for the emotions expressed there.  When I look at your photo, what I see is, "That woman looks happy."  And, yes, "woman" is part of that impression.

I have learned to see myself that way.  I look in the mirror, and I see, "She's cute."  Or whatever.  I seldom look to see "Is my chin too big?" or "Is my nose too long?" or even "What is it that looks feminine?" because I can't identify anything at that level.  When I try to dissect my facial features, all I see is what's been there for 60+ years.  Yet I can see Kathy if I don't look at details, and she looks different from that guy.

It works the other way, too.  Sometimes, just for giggles, in a crowded public place, I will look around at women's faces in the dissecting way, rather than in the first impression way.  And I notice that I am seldom the ugliest woman in the place.  Often, I do not even have the most masculine face in the place.  It can be quite affirming. ;)

When you look at pictures, just take a quick glance and investigate your first impression.  First impressions are often more accurate than analysis.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 05, 2018, 12:14:26 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith: 
Read over again the reply by @KathyLauren and all the other reply comments.

Basically a lot of your self-doubt is the result of what most of do, "we are our own worst critics" ..... we know ourselves and our flaws and what you may be doing instead of looking at your picture as a whole, you are zeroing in on minute details and flaws (that we all have) instead of looking at the big beautiful picture. 

Please believe all of us, you look terrific.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 05, 2018, 12:17:06 PM
Danielle, I am accepting of what Lori and others see and say. I am/was heartened by going out and passing - never thought it would happen .. ever. Me looking too long in mirrors or at pictures has not changed. I should say, it has changed. Before I could not look at all. Now I can look, then it sinks in and I fall apart. I'm improving, slowly.

Kathy, you were responding as I typed. I'm sorry it happened too :D I am not trying to dissect, it is the whole picture (dissecting would be much worse!!).

I'm not letting it get me down (well, mostly). My mood is still good, I am going to party tonight and have a great time ... as me ... with my loving wife (she's playing hooky from work) and my brother. hmm, is he my date since Lori wasn't supposed to be there? HEEHEEheeheehee  :P

Tonight  will be different from last Saturday though, there will be a lot more people that know me and have known me for years. I expect some level of avoidance from the intolerant ignorant.


jeez Danielle, slow down the typing already :D I think I answered you in my response to Kathy.


I'm posting now before more replies show up

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on October 05, 2018, 01:29:24 PM
Dear Faith,
As Danielle and others have said, we are our own worst critics - and if I were to suddenly decide to compare my mirror image to that of those barely legal models and "stars" that currently grace social media and pop culture, I would probably commit sewer-pipes. ;)
The fact is, I am happy to be a lady of a certain age and if "he" sometimes peeks back at me as I do my eyeliner (as happens every now and then) I power back asking myself if I would rather be shaving.

Now about this... Lori likes it too, she's threatening to steal wants to borrow it.
My bride and I swapped or blatantly stole each others clothes all the time. Since I didn't have the opportunity to swap clothes with my friends as a growing girl, I made up for it later. (Gotta say it was a kick to see my sister swap some of my hand-me-downs with some of her friends; would they have done so had they known?)

Susan
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahFehrman on October 05, 2018, 01:47:33 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 06:08:09 AM
I decided to be a bit dressy for work today. While I feel it, I don't think I quite look it. :(
Faith, you're beautiful! You've come such a long way. You inspire me, like so many other ladies in here do. Be happy - feel it, sweetie!

Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on October 05, 2018, 01:50:59 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 11:48:11 AM
small note.

After reading the positive comments, I went back to take another look at the picture. I looked too long, teared up, and had to close the page. Something is just wrong. Why can't I see what others do?

Pitiable Faith


I enjoy being able to talk about and share clothing. An acceptance ritual, plus it's cool. Size minimizes how much cross-sharing that there is.
I think it's the eyes.  I can't ever seem to get them right on my selfies either. I cant seem to look at the camera instead of the shutter button. The ones I like usually come when I've taken about 12 random in a row and happen to catch me eyes right and with a decent smile.

They look fine to everyone else but when we see our own we know it looks a bit off and makes us wonder what everyone sees.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 05, 2018, 01:53:25 PM
Quote from: SarahFehrman on October 05, 2018, 01:47:33 PM
Faith, you're beautiful! You've come such a long way. You inspire me, like so many other ladies in here do. Be happy - feel it, sweetie!

Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Listen to the advice and comments that @SarahFehrman  wrote in her comment reply to you...

   I agree entirely with what she told you!!!!  Please listen to her.

Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 05, 2018, 02:47:11 PM
Hi Faith,

I love your photo. You look happy. Your earlier photos never showed the big smile you are now wearing.

I'm sorry you had a negative reaction when you went back to look at the photo. Try an experiment. Take a photo and then flip the image horizontally so it's a mirror image. Do you notice that you almost look like a different person? The most common image of our own selves that we see is the reflection in a mirror. The reflection is back to front from the way other people see us. None of us are symmetrical in our features so we look different in a mirror reflection than in a photo or the way others see us. I am wondering if the asymmetrical differences between what you see in the mirror and what you see in photos is throwing you off somehow.

Here is a hug (((((( )))))). I know you will bounce back. You have already mostly bounced back by the time I caught up on this thread I'm looking forward to more of your updates.

More hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 05, 2018, 03:31:11 PM
wow, so much more to reply to, I don't know what to say.

Quote from: Susan Baum on October 05, 2018, 01:29:24 PM
Dear Faith,
As Danielle and others have said, we are our own worst critics - and if I were to suddenly decide to compare my mirror image to that of those barely legal models and "stars" that currently grace social media and pop culture, I would probably commit sewer-pipes. ;)
The fact is, I am happy to be a lady of a certain age and if "he" sometimes peeks back at me as I do my eyeliner (as happens every now and then) I power back asking myself if I would rather be shaving.

Now about this... Lori likes it too, she's threatening to steal wants to borrow it.
My bride and I swapped or blatantly stole each others clothes all the time. Since I didn't have the opportunity to swap clothes with my friends as a growing girl, I made up for it later. (Gotta say it was a kick to see my sister swap some of my hand-me-downs with some of her friends; would they have done so had they known?)

Susan

Susan, hello again. I still shave every day :( .. someday though ... I really don't critique individual features of mine (other than my nose which is a lot bigger than it used to be). If I do a glimpse or peripheral vision glance, I'm Ok. Looking dead on, I'm OK for a short time, then I fall apart. I can't place what's doing it, it's something overall.

Quote from: SarahFehrman on October 05, 2018, 01:47:33 PM
Faith, you're beautiful! You've come such a long way. You inspire me, like so many other ladies in here do. Be happy - feel it, sweetie!

Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
Sarah
Thank you, thank you , thank you. I teared up. Here you are, someone I haven't associated with (seen a few posts of yours though), posting comments like that, I'm .. I don't know what I am .. amazed? crap, I have no words. Me? Inspire? I seem to hear that a lot. I don't know how, I'm just trying to be me. I see so many beautiful women on here, I don't place myself among them.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JAYNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You came down off of your cloud 9 to mingle with us normal folk, how gracious :D I don't think it's mirror vs picture flip that getting to me, I think it's my face *sigh* I don't have any problem looking at my hair :D

I do bounce back much easier it seems. It's only been a few weeks, could be a chasm up ahead.

I give up .. so many feelings flipping around in my head, I can't put words down.

I really appreciate all of your uplifting comments

hugs to all
Faith

psst
see that Jayne? I hug more than I used to ... and not just on the forums :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Nicole70 on October 06, 2018, 04:28:09 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 11:29:50 AM
Thank you Nicole. (psst, my full chosen name is Faith Nicole)
Have you been in my deep dark pit of darkness before? It is filling in. Occasionally some of the sides fall in and hit you in the face. Got to brush myself off and try again.
mine too :)

Hi Faith, I have been following with interest since the beginning, which was before I became a member, I feel bad now for not posting sooner, your transition timeline has been similar to mine and has given me hope. It's lovely to see your recent steps and growth in confidence, it's true this path is not easy and it can get dark at times, but even in the dark times now it's like sunshine compared to how things were before.

Well what a wonderful second name you have chosen[emoji5],

Hugs

Nicole
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 07, 2018, 07:20:18 AM
yesterday was a bad day. I had to stay off the forums. I'm better today but still have to shake things out of my head. Maybe I'll be on later to catch up.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on October 07, 2018, 08:43:56 AM
Hey Faith,

Sorry to hear that.  Something in particular or just one of those days? 

Share (or not) when your feeling normal again. 

Take care

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 07, 2018, 10:12:15 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 07, 2018, 07:20:18 AM
yesterday was a bad day. I had to stay off the forums. I'm better today but still have to shake things out of my head. Maybe I'll be on later to catch up.

Faith

@Faith
Dear Faith:
I trust that all of your bad experiences have been shaken out of your head by now....  hey girl, I have had my own bad days too.... it is called real life.

The important thing is to get your head around whatever issues you are experiencing and get back into a positive frame of mind that will allow you to go full speed again ahead in your journey toward your goals.
Just writing about issues that are bothering you is a great way to get it out and vented....  I also do a lot of that and for my really personal issues I spend time in my personal pen & paper journal.

Thank you for coming back to your thread.... your followers are a curious bunch and we want to follow along with you as you go forward.
Hugs and  hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 07, 2018, 12:55:48 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 07, 2018, 07:20:18 AM
yesterday was a bad day. I had to stay off the forums. I'm better today but still have to shake things out of my head. Maybe I'll be on later to catch up.

Faith

Sorry to hear that Faith. I was wondering, If I may ask? Are there any trans support groups near you guys? or Pride events in your area? Or are you already a member of a support group along with Susan's? I must say, they are a wealth or positive feedback and support.

Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 07, 2018, 03:22:59 PM
Hey Faith!

Sorry you had a bad day. Hope you are feeling better now.

Big Hug,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 07, 2018, 04:03:48 PM
Faith, I hope that today was a better day, and that tomorrow is better still.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 07, 2018, 05:17:33 PM
Hey everyone, One quick update then I'm back offline.


Got home Friday night from work, got showered and made up. I wanted to 'dress to WOW'. I'm not sure that I did. I had to change my outfit from what I had planned to something pick - Breast Cancer Benefit. I think I pulled off decent in any case.

The evening went well, not as great as the Saturday before (it had set the bar pretty high) but a good night. No untoward responses. Greeted by some friends, by all appearances, 'normally'. Couple others a bit strained. Several straight out accepting. One couple we hadn't seen in ages. I went to say hi and got hugs. They said that they recognized me right away .. because I was with Lori :P. The gal of the couple said straight out that I looked like a woman .. mission accomplished.

I danced a few slows with Lori, she grabbed me up for a couple fast dance .. ACK! .. I made it through but I was really self-conscious.

My nieces were there, I caught them up with my goings-on.

The woman from Saturday (with all the questions) caught me between dances, "Remember me?" .. how could I forget? She got back with us at the end of the evening. Started to say something and stopped looking at the others grouped around. I told her that it's OK, that's my brother and nieces. I looked at them and said, "This is the lady with all the questions". She's like, "You told them?"  :D

Anyway, she proceeded to tell me what an impact I had made on her. She said that she stayed up most of that night thinking about it, crying, doing more thinking.

Anyways, that's a summary of Friday.

Saturday morning was normal? I puttered around the house until my brother showed up. He handed over the keys to the car. We chatted a bit. Lori came out from her shower ready to go to work then had to leave. My sister picked him up to take my brother back. After that things fell apart.

I get severely depressed, thinking thoughts that I hadn't thought in months. "Why me?" "Why now?" "What's the plan" "Why'd it happen?" I even got to the point of thinking .. maybe if something were to happen to me everyone will be better off.

That's how Lori caught up with me when she come home for her lunch. We talked things over a bit, my mood didn't really change. She went back to work, I went for a walk. Walks usually clear my head, this one didn't. Mybe because Lori wasn't with me to bounce my thoughts and feelings off of.

When she got home from work, I was already curled up in bed for the night .. it was 7pm

This morning (Sunday), slightly improved, still depressed but no bad thoughts.

Thanks for reading
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 07, 2018, 05:25:05 PM
Faith, I am sorry that the doubt monster caught up with you.  Hang in there.  You know you are doing this to be your true self.

Quote from: Faith on October 07, 2018, 05:17:33 PMI looked at them and said, "This is the lady with all the questions". She's like, "You told them?"  :D
Ha-ha!  I love this!  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 07, 2018, 05:36:54 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Thank your for sharing your update and describing your "up" and "down" couple days. 
In my opinion, these wild mood swings that you are having are not good for you....  I hope that you find a way to even things out a little.   
As reported, your "highs" are amazing and very self-affirming and confidence building... and that is very good in helping you to go forward full speed ahead reaching for your transition goals.... and the good news is that your Lori @DiLoris is at your side and on your side with her support and love.   Many married transitioners or transitioners with significant others do not have that big advantage.... you have a lot to be thankful for and you should count your blessings.

I wish that I had the magic words or perhaps my magic wand (which is broken at the moment) to minimize your "down" days.   We all have our "down days"... I have my own "down days" ..... but getting as far "down" as you describe after being so "up" and experiencing your amazing transition successes must be very frustrating for you and certainly does damage to your ego and your overall happiness.

I feel very badly for you, and while I enjoy your updates it breaks my heart to hear of your personally difficult times that you go through at times.

I am reaching out to you with my thoughts, my HUGS, and the shared love that all of your followers have for you.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 07, 2018, 10:09:29 PM
Hello Faith.  I'm glad to read that you've had some fun times recently.  This is how is should be.  Don't let the down moments hold you back.  I don't have any advice other than we all have them as @Alaskan Danielle noted and the best we can do is ride them out in anticipation of better times. 

You seem to have a good group of people surrounding you.  I love that your new friend with questions was surprised that you "outed" her.  Now thats a turnaround, for sure!  I can only imagine when she told you this  "Anyway, she proceeded to tell me what an impact I had made on her. She said that she stayed up most of that night thinking about it, crying, doing more thinking." that you were surprised.  Yes you have made an impact on people, many more than you can imagine.  This is something to be proud of, living your life on your terms.  Not everyone can do that.  I'm happy you are feeling a bit better.  I wish you more good days ahead.
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 08, 2018, 12:22:34 AM
Dear Faith,

I am sorry you have been hit by some depressive thoughts. You probably don't want to hear any kind of glass half full stuff right now and would rather a hug. Well I am me, so I am going to give you both.

Hug first..... (((((HUG)))))

I experienced similar extreme ups and downs earlier in my transition, just like you are now. I would have a stretch of feeling incredible then I would suddenly feel depressed, doubting myself and wondering "why me?". My therapist actually told me that cycle was a good thing and a sign of progress. She told me that human development usually involves two steps forward and 1 step back when it comes to progress. Its how children develop and it is also how adults of all ages develop.

Hang in there Faith and ride out this storm. It will pass and you will return to your previous highs. As you continue along your journey, these lows will continue to appear but they will occur further and further apart and will become less and less severe. Eventually they will be nothing more than a normal run of the mill crappy day that everyone has from time to time.

Stay strong girl and think of all the positive things you have experienced these past weeks. You are doing really well.

More big (((((HUGS)))))
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 08, 2018, 05:57:16 AM
Thanks for the well-wishes everyone. Yes, we all have the ups and downs. I had not been that 'down' in a very long time. It was unexpected to say the least. Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday were very difficult to get through. Today is a new day and I appear to be back on the upswing. I'm not bouncing but at least I'm not down.

On that note, how about a Monday morning photo op?

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 08, 2018, 05:59:11 AM
Glad to see you swinging back up again Faith! [emoji2]

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 08, 2018, 06:40:23 AM
Hi, Faith.  Glad to see that you are up and about again!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on October 08, 2018, 07:04:01 AM
The downer days can seem a lot worse after a few good days and especially if nothing sets them off.

Glad to hear your feeling better.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on October 08, 2018, 08:46:38 AM
Hey Faith - so glad you feel better! Even better that it was such a short episode. Such episodes will always be part of our lives- we just have to learn to handle them. Seems like you have been able to shake it of very quick.

Can't wait for your promised ,infamy morning photo op!

Stay strong!

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 08, 2018, 12:04:05 PM
And the bounce goes on! Glad your feeling better Faith.

Hugs girl!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 08, 2018, 01:23:56 PM
Since Sarah was the only one to mention my Monday photo, you'll have to beg her for it. I sent it to her in a PM

NYAH!! :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on October 08, 2018, 01:25:21 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 01:23:56 PM
Since Sarah was the only one to mention my Monday photo, you'll have to beg her for it. I sent it to her in a PM

NYAH!! :P

I showed you mine, now you show me yours.


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 08, 2018, 01:26:44 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 01:23:56 PM
Since Sarah was the only one to mention my Monday photo, you'll have to beg her for it. I sent it to her in a PM

NYAH!! :P

@Faith
Dear Faith:
               Hmmmm
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 08, 2018, 03:12:10 PM
What photo? Pictures or it didn't happen girl!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 08, 2018, 03:31:33 PM
I have no idea what you all are going on about regarding some post that I may have or may not made mentioning the possibility of posting a Monday photo should anyone be interested.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Nicole70 on October 08, 2018, 03:32:55 PM
Faith,
It's Tuesday where I am, I just woke up, do I still qualify[emoji51], glad you feel a bit better today

Nicole
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 08, 2018, 03:46:43 PM
Ok, since some people are late arriving, a day late?, and to take the pressure off Sarah (who went offline shortly thereafter) I'll go ahead and post my 'Monday Morning Before Coffee Half-Asleep' photo .. it's not pretty.

(https://i.imgur.com/wBagG0w.jpg)
with capri style black baggy pants .. very comfy. Lori said I had to wear it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 08, 2018, 03:50:05 PM
moving on ...

I remembered something from a week back. It seems that last time I was at the outside park jam (music) someone snapped some photos. One photo with me in it was shown to a friend of mine. He said, "That must be John's Mom". The reply was, "No, that's John".

note: Yes, my legal name is John.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Nicole70 on October 08, 2018, 03:51:07 PM
Yay! Thank you Faith, you look great!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on October 08, 2018, 03:52:59 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 03:46:43 PMI'll go ahead and post my 'Monday Morning Before Coffee Half-Asleep' photo .. it's not pretty.

Is too!

Ah ah ah! No arguing, missy!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 08, 2018, 03:53:34 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 03:46:43 PM
Ok, since some people are late arriving, a day late?, and to take the pressure off Sarah (who went offline shortly thereafter) I'll go ahead and post my 'Monday Morning Before Coffee Half-Asleep' photo .. it's not pretty.

(https://i.imgur.com/wBagG0w.jpg)
with capri style black baggy pants .. very comfy. Lori said I had to wear it.
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Thank you for posting your Monday morning picture....  and I disagree with you about how you feel about the picture,  I think that you look wonderful in that photo...  your hair, your face, .... you look like you are very comfortable in your feminine appearance..... PRETTY !!!!
Thanks for sharing with all of us.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 08, 2018, 03:56:56 PM
Thanks for reposting your Monday morning before coffee picture Faith. You look find dear :D.

Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on October 08, 2018, 04:25:12 PM


Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 05:57:16 AM
.

On that note, how about a Monday morning photo op?

Faith

That wasn't a rhetorical question?   

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 08, 2018, 04:43:43 PM
Thank you for posting your photo, Faith.  Yes, it is pretty, so there.   :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 08, 2018, 04:59:42 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on October 08, 2018, 04:43:43 PM
Thank you for posting your photo, Faith.  Yes, it is pretty, so there.   :P

I don't know why you're so argumentative when I am always so polite and non-confrontational :D

Quote from: TonyaW on October 08, 2018, 04:25:12 PM

That wasn't a rhetorical question?   

rheticule? If you rheticule me I may take it poisonal

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 08, 2018, 03:53:34 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Thank you for posting your Monday morning picture....  and I disagree with you about how you feel about the picture,  I think that you look wonderful in that photo...  your hair, your face, .... you look like you are very comfortable in your feminine appearance..... PRETTY !!!!
Thanks for sharing with all of us.
Hugs,
Danielle

I can almost kinda sorta see it if I squint real hard in a dark room
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on October 08, 2018, 05:14:42 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 04:59:42 PM
rheticule? If you rheticule me I may take it poisonal

Well if you reticule me, I'll put you in my sights after I scope things out.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 08, 2018, 07:08:37 PM
Obviously you are looking more and more feminine!  "One photo with me in it was shown to a friend of mine. He said, "That must be John's Mom""."
I would have taken that comment as a complement!

As to your before coffee photo, you look much nicer than I do before I pour the java.  I mean, you're already dressed and wearing jewelry.  I need coffee before I tackle the day. 

Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 08, 2018, 07:27:33 PM
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on October 08, 2018, 07:08:37 PM
Obviously you are looking more and more feminine!  "One photo with me in it was shown to a friend of mine. He said, "That must be John's Mom""."
I would have taken that comment as a complement!
I did :)

Quote
As to your before coffee photo, you look much nicer than I do before I pour the java.  I mean, you're already dressed and wearing jewelry.  I need coffee before I tackle the day. 
Judi
Meds have to dissolve, they do so on the drive to work .. so, no coffee until I get there. And, that necklace never comes off. for years I could not wear my wedding band. That necklace is intertwined rings.



tripped over another old picture (of a picture). ~1982

(https://i.imgur.com/B1VGkbJ.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahFehrman on October 08, 2018, 07:39:12 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 03:46:43 PM
Ok, since some people are late arriving, a day late?, and to take the pressure off Sarah (who went offline shortly thereafter) I'll go ahead and post my 'Monday Morning Before Coffee Half-Asleep' photo .. it's not pretty.

(https://i.imgur.com/wBagG0w.jpg)
with capri style black baggy pants .. very comfy. Lori said I had to wear it.
Gorgeous! Listen to Lori!


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on October 09, 2018, 01:48:41 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 03:46:43 PM
Ok, since some people are late arriving, a day late?, and to take the pressure off Sarah (who went offline shortly thereafter) I'll go ahead and post my 'Monday Morning Before Coffee Half-Asleep' photo .. it's not pretty.

(https://i.imgur.com/wBagG0w.jpg)
with capri style black baggy pants .. very comfy. Lori said I had to wear it.


Looking your fabulous self I see.... ;D.....

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 09, 2018, 05:57:53 AM
hey everyone, thanks for the comments. It's kind of a blah morning so I think I'll just lurk around. feel free to hang out .. Honest! It's free, I don't charge. You do have to bring your own drinks and snacks though.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on October 09, 2018, 08:11:05 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 07:27:33 PM
I did :)
Meds have to dissolve, they do so on the drive to work .. so, no coffee until I get there. And, that necklace never comes off. for years I could not wear my wedding band. That necklace is intertwined rings.



tripped over another old picture (of a picture). ~1982

(https://i.imgur.com/B1VGkbJ.jpg)
For me its coffee first, then meds, then get dressed, etc,  then more coffee.  Only time the coffee is skipped is on needles in the face day, which is also the only time I go out with out makeup.

Very nice necklace.  I've never been big on jewelry other than earrings. Maybe I'll have to look into a necklace like that, something I could and would want to wear every day.

There are some pictures of me from that time frame looking a lot like that.  Hopefully they are moldering in boxes in people's basements. Glad no one that has them has ever scanned them into a computer. 



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 09, 2018, 08:26:09 AM
OK, I have to say this, I definitely prefer the more recent picture!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 09, 2018, 08:32:36 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on October 09, 2018, 08:26:09 AM
OK, I have to say this, I definitely prefer the more recent picture!

me too, although, you all may not believe me based on my 'self' comments.

I should explain my blah ... storms get to my head and make me, well, blah :P I can feel that hurricane that's in the gulf. It's really messing with me. It's one of those things that I've dealt with for years. It used to trigger migraines, thank goodness that doesn't happen any more. Since 'coming into my own' and starting HRT, and losing weight, no more headaches or chronic heartburn :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 09, 2018, 11:57:01 AM
 [/quote]
Quote from: KathyLauren on October 09, 2018, 08:26:09 AM
OK, I have to say this, I definitely prefer the more recent picture!

Quote from: Faith on October 09, 2018, 08:32:36 AM
me too, although, you all may not believe me based on my 'self' comments.

I should explain my blah ... storms get to my head and make me, well, blah :P I can feel that hurricane that's in the gulf. It's really messing with me. It's one of those things that I've dealt with for years. It used to trigger migraines, thank goodness that doesn't happen any more. Since 'coming into my own' and starting HRT, and losing weight, no more headaches or chronic heartburn :)

@Faith
Dear Faith:
I am so glad that you are getting to the point that even you think that recent pictures of yourself look acceptable to you.  All of your followers think that you are looking very lovely. 

Oh, good news about no more headaches or chronic heartburn....  usually weight loss is very responsible for that overall health improvement.... and mix in the HRT.... then a happy and beautiful Faith emerges.

Thank you for keeping your thread updated and for your posts around the various threads on the Forums.
You followers appreciate watching and hearing about your progress.

Hugs and continued well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 10, 2018, 07:47:34 AM
My brother handed over the 2003 Subaru Baja Saturday. Today is the DMV visit to tag swap. The tag is only in my name so I have to be there. I mentioned to Lori about getting all made up, see if they question or dbl-take on my driver's license. She's all for it. So, now my bed is covered in outfits as I try to figure out which one. I'm sitting here in bra and stockings waiting for Lori to come back from a dog walk to help ....
....
....
I'll let you know how it goes
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 10, 2018, 07:56:12 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 10, 2018, 07:47:34 AM
My brother handed over the 2003 Subaru Baja Saturday. Today is the DMV visit to tag swap. The tag is only in my name so I have to be there. I mentioned to Lori about getting all made up, see if they question or dbl-take on my driver's license. She's all for it. So, now my bed is covered in outfits as I try to figure out which one.

....
....
I'll let you know how it goes
Faith
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Ah ha.... imagine saying what you said this morning ONE YEAR ago....
    "I'm sitting here in bra and stockings waiting for Lori to come back from a dog walk to help ...."

A big difference that ONE YEAR and also the magic of HRT can make.

Thank you for posting your very affirming update....
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 10, 2018, 08:00:18 AM
This should be interesting. What ever you decide to wear to the DMV, hopefully very femi, Please update the outcome from your visit.

Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 10, 2018, 11:45:00 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 10, 2018, 07:56:12 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Ah ha.... imagine saying what you said this morning ONE YEAR ago....
    "I'm sitting here in bra and stockings waiting for Lori to come back from a dog walk to help ...."

A big difference that ONE YEAR and also the magic of HRT can make.

Thank you for posting your very affirming update....
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

VERY big difference :D

Quote from: Donica on October 10, 2018, 08:00:18 AM
This should be interesting. What ever you decide to wear to the DMV, hopefully very femi, Please update the outcome from your visit.

Donica.

I went for slightly, you can tell me ......

(https://i.imgur.com/wyygZwn.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/FoMck9T.jpg)

That is me (obvious?) standing next to my new/old car outside the DMV

When we first went in, to get our number, we handed over our documentation. They asked us if 'John' was here .. :)

Faith

ps.
I was standing for the photo, car idling, the door shut, the doors locked, no key .. grandbaby (2 yr old) in the back seat all buckled in. We had to wait for my son to bring another key. Lots of bad 1sts with the car .. but, now that's all out of the way :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 10, 2018, 02:04:26 PM
Yikes, sorry to hear about locking your keys in the car.  But the important thing is ... YOU LOOK GREAT!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 10, 2018, 02:24:44 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 10, 2018, 11:45:00 AM
VERY big difference :D

I went for slightly, you can tell me ......

(https://i.imgur.com/wyygZwn.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/FoMck9T.jpg)

That is me (obvious?) standing next to my new/old car outside the DMV

When we first went in, to get our number, we handed over our documentation. They asked us if 'John' was here .. :)

Faith

ps.
I was standing for the photo, car idling, the door shut, the doors locked, no key .. grandbaby (2 yr old) in the back seat all buckled in. We had to wait for my son to bring another key. Lots of bad 1sts with the car .. but, now that's all out of the way :P

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Wow-Whee, you look absolutely terrific and beautiful in your very nice dress and heels...  LOL.... there is no John at the DMV, just a beautiful woman named Faith. ;)
Regarding the keys and the doors automatically locking, I once owned a car that did the same thing when I left the engine running and got out and shut the door.....  it only happened once... I learned very quickly to not do that again.... but in my case I did not have a 2 year old locked in a running car all alone.... horrific thoughts that you must have had.
Thank you for sharing your story and also the beautiful pictures of your beautiful and pretty self.
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 10, 2018, 03:09:00 PM
Whoa!  What a killer look!  Wonderful.  Nice looking car too! 

Danielle is soooo right about how things change without us even paying much attention.  You would have never thought those words a year ago.  Bravo Faith!
Judi 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 10, 2018, 03:15:32 PM
"I was standing for the photo, car idling, the door shut, the doors locked, no key .. grandbaby (2 yr old) in the back seat all buckled in. We had to wait for my son to bring another key."

This reminded me that when our son was very young my wife would drop him off at my mother's so she could watch him.  One day she pulls in the driveway, takes him into the house and realizes she's locked the door and the motor is running.  Unfortunately she's blocked my mom's car.  She calls me.  I drive an hour to get home to pick up the spare key then 30 minutes to my parents house to unlock the car.  Thankfully my son was not in the car and it had a full tank of gas!  It was a learning experience that we all laughed at later.
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on October 10, 2018, 03:27:48 PM
Wow! Look at you showing those fantastic legs!!! You look really great, love the dress!

Sorry about the key trouble....

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 10, 2018, 05:47:25 PM
Aww, thank you all very much. I still struggle to see, it seems that I am the only one. :( ... someday :). And think you also for not commenting on my hair disaster. It was very humid and windy, I was a sweaty wind-blown mess. Overall, today was a very good day. I felt like me aaaallll day :D


Sarah .. legs .. We were at Walmart tonight with the grandbaby. We stopped to look at full length mirrors. Holy Cow, I'm skinny :P  I need some meat on my hosp, butt, a little on my legs wouldn't hurt either. It seems, though, extra poundage goes straight for the belly :P
ps, thanks for saying fantastic. Other gals comment on my legs almost as much as my hair (I show my hair more). I'm still waiting on the guys to comment .......


speaking of grandbaby. I highly recommend a competent qualified professional when getting your nails done. Lori learned what happens when you allow a 2 year old to do it .....
(https://i.imgur.com/KmmD5qsl.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/54yxhVKl.jpg)


thank you all again
Love and hugs
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 10, 2018, 05:59:10 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 10, 2018, 05:47:25 PM
Aww, thank you all very much. I still struggle to see, it seems that I am the only one. :( ... someday :). And think you also for not commenting on my hair disaster. It was very humid and windy, I was a sweaty wind-blown mess. Overall, today was a very good day. I felt like me aaaallll day :D


Sarah .. legs .. We were at Walmart tonight with the grandbaby. We stopped to look at full length mirrors. Holy Cow, I'm skinny :P  I need some meat on my hosp, butt, a little on my legs wouldn't hurt either. It seems, though, extra poundage goes straight for the belly :P
ps, thanks for saying fantastic. Other gals comment on my legs almost as much as my hair (I show my hair more). I'm still waiting on the guys to comment .......


speaking of grandbaby. I highly recommend a competent qualified professional when getting your nails done. Lori learned what happens when you allow a 2 year old to do it .....
(https://i.imgur.com/KmmD5qsl.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/54yxhVKl.jpg)


thank you all again
Love and hugs
Faith

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Some day, Faith, you will stop being so critical of yourself and how you look...  I am looking so forward to that day.

You did not look like a windblown and sweaty mess from the photos that I saw... and your slim body, lovely hair and your long slender legs are some of your best features.   Don't be trying to put a bunch of weight on... and big bottoms are seemingly popular for Kim Kardashian fans, but not for me... but that is just my opinion.

You are beautiful, please believe it.  All of your followers are saying the same thing and I am certain that Lori @DiLoris agrees.   
Again, please put the worst self-critic away... thank you.

Thanks for your frequent thread updates.
Hugs and hugs...
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on October 10, 2018, 06:04:34 PM
Pulled a Laurie with your keys at the DMV did you? And yes, Faith I loved the dress and how you looked in it.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 10, 2018, 07:13:56 PM
Quote from: Laurie on October 10, 2018, 06:04:34 PM
Pulled a Laurie with your keys at the DMV did you? ....

And it wasn't even planned  :D

QuoteAnd yes, Faith I loved the dress and how you looked in it.

thank  you :)  :icon_redface:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on October 10, 2018, 07:23:27 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 10, 2018, 07:13:56 PM
And it wasn't even planned  :D

thank  you :)  :icon_redface:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on October 10, 2018, 08:31:48 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 10, 2018, 05:47:25 PM
speaking of grandbaby. I highly recommend a competent qualified professional when getting your nails done. Lori learned what happens when you allow a 2 year old to do it .....
(https://i.imgur.com/KmmD5qsl.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/54yxhVKl.jpg)


thank you all again
Love and hugs
Faith

Ha! Our two year old daughter loves to get her nails painted. We got some water based quick drying nail polish for kids. She still messes up her nails since she cannot even sit still for 5 minutes [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]. I have used her nail polish too... lots of glitter. It only lasts a day or two though....

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 11, 2018, 04:50:08 PM
Today's update ... mediocre ... not mood, the day in general, should have been a Friday! Oh Well.

I spent the day running the past few (days, weeks, months?) through my head. Overall, pretty amazing. So .. hmm, where's that thumbs-up button?

I one thing that crossed my mind, that I grabbed before it fell out onto the floor, was something that Lori told me.

She was visiting her Mom in the hospital the other day (allergic reaction, epipen 1.5 yrs out of date, no benadryl). Lori was talking to her about the week that they (Mom and aunt) were left alone.  Pointing out the she (Mom) would be dead had the reaction happened then. So, Lori, says from now on to call her, she'll come spend the night. They could have a girls night.

Her mom said, "If we're going to have a girls night, John has to come too."
Lori's reply, "If she is coming you have to call her Faith and use the right pronouns"

:icon_yes:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 11, 2018, 05:17:31 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 11, 2018, 04:50:08 PM
Today's update ... mediocre ... not mood, the day in general, should have been a Friday! Oh Well.

I spent the day running the past few (days, weeks, months?) through my head. Overall, pretty amazing. So .. hmm, where's that thumbs-up button?

I one thing that crossed my mind, that I grabbed before it fell out onto the floor, was something that Lori told me.

She was visiting her Mom in the hospital the other day (allergic reaction, epipen 1.5 yrs out of date, no benadryl). Lori was talking to her about the week that they (Mom and aunt) were left alone.  Pointing out the she (Mom) would be dead had the reaction happened then. So, Lori, says from now on to call her, she'll come spend the night. They could have a girls night.

Her mom said, "If we're going to have a girls night, John has to come too."
Lori's reply, "If she is coming you have to call her Faith and use the right pronouns"

:icon_yes:

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Not a mediocre update at all.... just the normal  day's events for a woman....   
...nice update, espectially the very last line....
"Lori's reply, "If she is coming you have to call her Faith and use the right pronouns."

Thank you for sharing this snippet of your life today.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 11, 2018, 05:41:14 PM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 11, 2018, 05:17:31 PM
@Faith
... Not a mediocre update at all....

oop. I meant the day was mediocre, not the update :P

Sorry, English isn't my first language. My first was baby talk, no one could understand me then either  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on October 11, 2018, 05:57:39 PM
Hurray for Lori and her Mom!! I hope you gave them both a kiss for those comments.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on October 11, 2018, 06:35:28 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 11, 2018, 05:41:14 PM
Sorry, English isn't my first language. My first was baby talk, no one could understand me then either  :D

What do you mean by that!?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 11, 2018, 06:47:14 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 11, 2018, 06:35:28 PM
What do you mean by that!?

:icon_weirdface:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 11, 2018, 06:48:12 PM
Quote from: Laurie on October 11, 2018, 05:57:39 PM
Hurray for Lori and her Mom!! I hope you gave them both a kiss for those comments.

I give Lori a kiss every chance I get .. I haven't seen her mom since before that day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 12, 2018, 09:26:09 AM
I was thinking, since I feel pretty good today, that I'd post an extra picture for this week. I tried 3 times, yucch (yuck if you prefer). Now I don't feel as good.


Night-time walk with Lori last night. It was actually kind of pleasant out, not so humid. Nice talk about serious and non-serious things.


Nothing really to see in this post, I'm just bored, move along.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 12, 2018, 12:29:30 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 10, 2018, 11:45:00 AM
VERY big difference :D

I went for slightly, you can tell me ......

(https://i.imgur.com/wyygZwn.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/FoMck9T.jpg)

That is me (obvious?) standing next to my new/old car outside the DMV

When we first went in, to get our number, we handed over our documentation. They asked us if 'John' was here .. :)

Faith

ps.
I was standing for the photo, car idling, the door shut, the doors locked, no key .. grandbaby (2 yr old) in the back seat all buckled in. We had to wait for my son to bring another key. Lots of bad 1sts with the car .. but, now that's all out of the way :P

Oh my! I really missed a lot hear. Oops! No you dint lock your key in the car with your grandbaby buckled in the back seat? Oooohhh Faith :o Your lucky your grandbaby didn't take it for a joy ride! I would have ;D

You look gorgeous Faith!!!  I love your complete outfit including your shoes. Jezzz! Miss a day and your thread goes viral! Give me a sec to catch up on your thread.

Hugs girl!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 12, 2018, 12:51:48 PM
Oh ya Faith! Funny thing, my first language was baby talk too. I tend to revert back to it on occasion. Pisses people off to no end when they can't understand me ;D. I'm glad Lori's mom was ok. She needs to keep her epipin updated.

BTW, I love your choice of nail polish color in your DMV pictures. It looks like hot pink? Or maybe it's red? I did hot pink for the Gala I went too last weekend.

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 12, 2018, 02:36:16 PM
Quote from: Donica on October 12, 2018, 12:29:30 PM
Oh my! I really missed a lot hear. Oops! No you dint lock your key in the car with your grandbaby buckled in the back seat? Oooohhh Faith :o Your lucky your grandbaby didn't take it for a joy ride! I would have ;D
She was too busy munching her chips. she was fine, grandma was panicking :D
Quote
You look gorgeous Faith!!!  I love your complete outfit including your shoes...
Thank you .. I was feeling it that day as well :)

Quote from: Donica on October 12, 2018, 12:51:48 PM
Oh ya Faith! Funny thing, my first language was baby talk too. I tend to revert back to it on occasion. Pisses people off to no end when they can't understand me ;D. I'm glad Lori's mom was ok. She needs to keep her epipin updated.

BTW, I love your choice of nail polish color in your DMV pictures. It looks like hot pink? Or maybe it's red? I did hot pink for the Gala I went too last weekend.

Hugs,
Donica.

Her Mom's fine, just needs more attention then she's getting.

Nail color: it's my favorite: Sally Hansen Diamond Strength 370, Red Velvet.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 16, 2018, 07:02:54 AM
I've been a bit remiss on the forums, I fear I won't do a proper 'catch-up' (No Laurie!, not Ketchup!!). So much good (and bad :( ) in the reads, I feel I'm left out of the close group of supporters. My own fault I suppose. I've had some down thoughts creeping in, dwelling on negatives and doubt. This is what happens when you are left alone with your own thoughts. I think I need a dog that only likes women. If (s)he likes me I'm all set :P


A least one affirming thing happened, I should let Lori tell it .. she needs the post count :)

I've been trying to make it a habit to catch Lori at her work during lunch. Considering our schedules I'm doing pretty good. Sat and Sun were OK ... not the visit/lunch! that was great ... the way I felt about myself. Lunch with Lori was a good distraction from my thoughts. Shorts on Saturday, jeans on Sunday.

Monday ....
I did not change from work when I went to meet up with Lori so I was in a long skirt and top (same outfit that I wore for my 1st ever dress outing). We had lunch in her works break-room. A few other employees around. One in particular was making conversation and then asked if Lori and I were related, we look so much alike. I didn't see that coming. I'll take it as a compliment, I think my wife is beautiful.  Lori and I looked at each other and laughed a bit. I told the woman that this many years of marriage does tend to make you look alike.

She was shocked that we were married, not offended, she had us pegged for siblings or close cousins ( I suspect). I had to show her my ring, I still didn't think that she quite believed that we were married. After she left I asked Lori if she really thought so, Nope. Lori didn't think she believed us either. Lori said she'd track her down and fill in the details.

After Lori got home she told me .. Not only did the woman not quite believe that we were married, she had pegged us both for women. She had no idea .. she does now.  Turned out that she knew about transgenderism being a lesbian herself. She didn't pick up on any cues from me.

That's it. I think it lost a bit in the telling. It felt like a bigger deal when it happened.


I'm sorry for all if you whose threads I've skipped over. I'll play catch-up as I can. Some of you are dear to me and I feel I haven't kept up my end of things.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 16, 2018, 08:08:01 AM
A lovely update Faith. You are getting properly gendered more and more all the time now. SQUEEE!

I'm not sure what's going on but the forums has been a little quiet lately? It's probably my fault. I probably said something stupid again. I'll keep my shoehorn handy in case I need to dislodge my foot from my mouth AGAIN!!!

Hugs girl!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 16, 2018, 08:16:25 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 16, 2018, 07:02:54 AM
I've been a bit remiss on the forums, I fear I won't do a proper 'catch-up' (No Laurie!, not Ketchup!!). So much good (and bad :( ) in the reads, I feel I'm left out of the close group of supporters. My own fault I suppose. I've had some down thoughts creeping in, dwelling on negatives and doubt. This is what happens when you are left alone with your own thoughts. I think I need a dog that only likes women. If (s)he likes me I'm all set :P


A least one affirming thing happened, I should let Lori tell it .. she needs the post count :)

I've been trying to make it a habit to catch Lori at her work during lunch. Considering our schedules I'm doing pretty good. Sat and Sun were OK ... not the visit/lunch! that was great ... the way I felt about myself. Lunch with Lori was a good distraction from my thoughts. Shorts on Saturday, jeans on Sunday.

Monday ....
I did not change from work when I went to meet up with Lori so I was in a long skirt and top (same outfit that I wore for my 1st ever dress outing). We had lunch in her works break-room. A few other employees around. One in particular was making conversation and then asked if Lori and I were related, we look so much alike. I didn't see that coming. I'll take it as a compliment, I think my wife is beautiful.  Lori and I looked at each other and laughed a bit. I told the woman that this many years of marriage does tend to make you look alike.

She was shocked that we were married, not offended, she had us pegged for siblings or close cousins ( I suspect). I had to show her my ring, I still didn't think that she quite believed that we were married. After she left I asked Lori if she really thought so, Nope. Lori didn't think she believed us either. Lori said she'd track her down and fill in the details.

After Lori got home she told me .. Not only did the woman not quite believe that we were married, she had pegged us both for women. She had no idea .. she does now.  Turned out that she knew about transgenderism being a lesbian herself. She didn't pick up on any cues from me.

That's it. I think it lost a bit in the telling. It felt like a bigger deal when it happened.


I'm sorry for all if you whose threads I've skipped over. I'll play catch-up as I can. Some of you are dear to me and I feel I haven't kept up my end of things.

Faith
Hi Faith, no, nothing was lost in the telling. The story with Lori's coworker was a big deal. There is a good reason she pegged you both for women......you ARE both women! I'm pretty sure you meant to say cis women, but that makes no difference. You are a woman and got gendered correctly. Girl, male fail has set in! Get used to being gendered correctly more frequently!

Don't worry about not being active on the forums if you are not feeling up to it. There is never any pressure to post. We all understand that things aren't always great. There are ups and downs and we each deal with the downs in different ways. The only thing I ask is that if you are feeling really down, as in more than the normal cycles of life, please reach out to talk to someone. It doesn't have to be here in the forum, just don't try to go it alone. You have plenty of supporters on this forum and in your daily life who are more than willing to offer a shoulder for you to lean on.

Thank you for your update and congratulations on your make fail moment.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 16, 2018, 08:32:31 AM
Quote from: Jayne01 on October 16, 2018, 08:16:25 AM
Hi Faith, no, nothing was lost in the telling. The story with Lori's coworker was a big deal. There is a good reason she pegged you both for women......you ARE both women! I'm pretty sure you meant to say cis women, but that makes no difference. You are a woman and got gendered correctly. Girl, male fail has set in! Get used to being gendered correctly more frequently!

Don't worry about not being active on the forums if you are not feeling up to it. There is never any pressure to post. We all understand that things aren't always great. There are ups and downs and we each deal with the downs in different ways. The only thing I ask is that if you are feeling really down, as in more than the normal cycles of life, please reach out to talk to someone. It doesn't have to be here in the forum, just don't try to go it alone. You have plenty of supporters on this forum and in your daily life who are more than willing to offer a shoulder for you to lean on.

Thank you for your update and congratulations on your make fail moment.

Hugs,
Jayne

Yes Jayne, I'm sorry, I won't get it wrong again (yes I will).

I said what I meant. My doubt and negative is not about my appearance or presentation (to others, how people see me, etc.) ... it's great when they see me ... Deep within myself I am having trouble accepting myself still. I know, I feel, I understand, there is no question .. fully accepting is my problem. I am still, somewhere deep inside me, holding on to old me. It's a safety net I think. Logically and realistically I know I am not going back, cannot go back, will not go back. In the back of my mind, emotionally, if I don't fully commit then I have a failure escape route.

I'm not sure I said that right. emotional conundrums are so hard to verbalize.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 16, 2018, 09:33:23 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 16, 2018, 08:32:31 AM
Yes Jayne, I'm sorry, I won't get it wrong again (yes I will).

I said what I meant. My doubt and negative is not about my appearance or presentation (to others, how people see me, etc.) ... it's great when they see me ... Deep within myself I am having trouble accepting myself still. I know, I feel, I understand, there is no question .. fully accepting is my problem. I am still, somewhere deep inside me, holding on to old me. It's a safety net I think. Logically and realistically I know I am not going back, cannot go back, will not go back. In the back of my mind, emotionally, if I don't fully commit then I have a failure escape route.

I'm not sure I said that right. emotional conundrums are so hard to verbalize.
You said that perfectly. That is exactly how I used to feel. I knew there was no going back, but there was a deep down "escape route", as you put it. This ecisted right up until these past couple of weeks where I have submitted my name change forms and fully come out at work. For me, those big steps represented burning the bridge that leads back to John. I never wanted to cross back over that bridge and now that bridge has been destroyed in my mind. John now safely exists in my memory, and nowhere else. I am Jayne now. When you burn that bridge back to the old you, the doubts and trouble accepting yourself will leave your mind. Don't try to rush it, it will happen naturally in its own time. All you can do now is accept the fact that these thoughts and doubts will enter your mind. You know in your heart who you are. Your brain still needs a bit more time to catch up. The mind can be very resistant to big changes.

I am really pleased to see your newfound ability to objectively take an inner look at yourself and recognise the various ways your mind works without being drawn into every negative thought that passes through. This is fantastic progress!

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jennifer M on October 16, 2018, 11:27:03 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 16, 2018, 07:02:54 AM
She was shocked that we were married, not offended, she had us pegged for siblings or close cousins ( I suspect). I had to show her my ring, I still didn't think that she quite believed that we were married. After she left I asked Lori if she really thought so, Nope. Lori didn't think she believed us either. Lori said she'd track her down and fill in the details.

After Lori got home she told me .. Not only did the woman not quite believe that we were married, she had pegged us both for women. She had no idea .. she does now.  Turned out that she knew about transgenderism being a lesbian herself. She didn't pick up on any cues from me.

That's it. I think it lost a bit in the telling. It felt like a bigger deal when it happened.
From my perspective, nothing was lost in the telling. It's a powerful male-fail event and I would have had difficulty containing a squeesplosion in such a case. But I also totally get your internal doubt. I am sure that if/when I ever get to the point you are, I will feel the same way.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 16, 2018, 12:15:54 PM
Faith, that was a great update!  No need to apologize for the telling.  I can tell how exciting it must have been to here her comments, and to learn more about her reactions second-hand.  Yay!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 16, 2018, 12:35:05 PM
Quote from: Jennifer M on October 16, 2018, 11:27:03 AM
From my perspective, nothing was lost in the telling. It's a powerful male-fail event and I would have had difficulty containing a squeesplosion in such a case. But I also totally get your internal doubt. I am sure that if/when I ever get to the point you are, I will feel the same way.

Hey Jennifer. Doubt comes with the territory, unfortunately. You start out doubting who you are, then doubting that you're heading the right way, then doubting that other people see you that way, then doubting yourself even when everything appears right.  I think I missed a few doubts in there :P Overcoming each doubt is a big step forward. I think I'm on my last big one.

Quote from: KathyLauren on October 16, 2018, 12:15:54 PM
Faith, that was a great update!  No need to apologize for the telling.  I can tell how exciting it must have been to here her comments, and to learn more about her reactions second-hand.  Yay!

YAY! :) yes, it was very affirming. A big internal grin was hiding under the big external grin. It was very welcome after a weekend of doubt.

Quote from: Donica on October 16, 2018, 08:08:01 AM
A lovely update Faith. You are getting properly gendered more and more all the time now. SQUEEE!

I'm not sure what's going on but the forums has been a little quiet lately? It's probably my fault. I probably said something stupid again. I'll keep my shoehorn handy in case I need to dislodge my foot from my mouth AGAIN!!!

Hugs girl!
Donica.

Well, if you can't, could you move your's over? I want to take my foot out of my mouth and it's needs someplace else to go. :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on October 16, 2018, 01:29:31 PM
Hi Faith,

  Alright I will join the choir in telling you that the encounter in the lunch room was a big deal. Very affirming. You are doing well and more and more people are seeing the You you are. It's working whatever "it" is.
  I hear you about those nagging thoughts that keep creeping in. I deal with them almost constantly. But I move ahead. And so will you Faith.

Hugs,
   Lauroe
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 16, 2018, 04:37:55 PM
Quote from: Laurie on October 16, 2018, 01:29:31 PM
Hi Faith,

  Alright I will join the choir in telling you that the encounter in the lunch room was a big deal. Very affirming. You are doing well and more and more people are seeing the You you are. It's working whatever "it" is.
  I hear you about those nagging thoughts that keep creeping in. I deal with them almost constantly. But I move ahead. And so will you Faith.

Hugs,
   Lauroe

Lauroe, my doubts are my own .. you can't have them!!

Your thinking, in your thread, got me thinking. At this point, are our doubts about being transgender? About really being a woman inside coming out? About just being? Or are they really simply about a huge life change? I think the latter.

Big changes in life is always full of questions and doubts and wondering and second-guessing. I know I'm transgender! I know I'm a woman inside. My doubts do not stem from that, it stems from the security of a stable life-long existence of wrongness ... not a wrong life, there's a difference. I would not trade my life, my children, my grand-children to have had this existence any earlier.

It a huge life-upturning event.

Take employment. You work a mediocre job, mediocre pay .. stable. Then, you get an offer for the dream-job. A big increase in pay, in life-style, in everything. You have to uproot, disrupt your whole life, your family, your friends. The uncertainty .. You have to risk it all in the hope that it'll turn out as great and wonderful as you thought. Big irreversible steps into uncertainty for the possibility, the hope, that it'll be right at the end.

That uncertain destination resonates with the doubts we've held on to since that first mind-blowing realization that I am not living as who I am. All the 'am I nuts' 'am I crazy' 'am I .. the list goes on. It stirs those doubts up to the top where they try to take root, to turn back to that mediocre but stable existence.

Well, my existence prior was not mediocre or unfulfilling not even undesirable. It was leading me to disaster. I took the steps that I had to do to preserve myself .. by becoming me.

I think I'll be OK

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on October 16, 2018, 10:59:57 PM
 
  Yes, Faith, I think you will be alright too.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 17, 2018, 05:10:31 AM
Quote from: Laurie on October 16, 2018, 10:59:57 PM
 
  Yes, Faith, I think you will be alright too.

Hugs,
  Laurie

You will be as well.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 17, 2018, 08:29:22 AM
We went out to the local park jam last night. It was nice to play a bit of music again. A few friends come up to say Hi. One in particular (that's not usually there, just coincidence) came up saying how we're missed at the local music club that meets once a month for music, dance, social. She stated how many people were asking about us (I didn't ask if it was me, Lori, or both) and wondering when we were coming back.

She had tried to get my attention a few times, called for John. It took a few times for me to realize, "Hey, that's me" I go by Faith work and online, and home when it's not an oops. I told her that I go by Faith, she apologized about not knowing. I hadn't told her, how would she know? Anyways, next time up she called me John and quickly switched saying it'll take a bit to remember.  When she talked to Lori (as I was playing) Lori said she referred to me as Faith during their conversation ... progress. She's also a talker, she'll tell other people.

I suppose it's time to tell the 'park people' that I prefer to be called Faith.

At the end of the evening my son (who was also there, miracles do happen) asked Lori if she thought I would be OK with a hug. She said, of course. So, for the first time in his adult life, my son gave me a hug and a peck - same way that he does for Lori.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 17, 2018, 08:41:08 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I will score your very last update as a "good news" report.  It is good that your friends had missed you and Lori...  it is also good that you are continuing being involved in activities that you enjoyed among those that know you...  and don't be too concerned about those that knew you as "John" and still call you by your old name ... 

...for any transitioner that has a network of longer term friends and co-workers, it can be a big adjustment for the others to start automatically calling you by your new name... it can take some time but most will catch themselves and make the correction to your new name quickly... be patient with them and gently correct them as necessary.

Thank you for sharing with your followers... I am always eager to hear of your life events.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 17, 2018, 09:08:50 AM
"At the end of the evening my son (who was also there, miracles do happen) asked Lori if she thought I would be OK with a hug. She said, of course. So, for the first time in his adult life, my son gave me a hug and a peck - same way that he does for Lori."

This is so nice to read! My son hugs me all the time so I understand how that feels.  Wonderful. 
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 17, 2018, 09:23:23 AM
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on October 17, 2018, 09:08:50 AM
"At the end of the evening my son (who was also there, miracles do happen) asked Lori if she thought I would be OK with a hug. She said, of course. So, for the first time in his adult life, my son gave me a hug and a peck - same way that he does for Lori."

This is so nice to read! My son hugs me all the time so I understand how that feels.  Wonderful. 
Judi

yes it was. Hopefully he'll get more comfortable with it. Understandably, he was a bit nervous. Well, maybe not understandably. To put it mildly, I wasn't all that affectionate or approachable over the years (go figure). He must be sensing the changes. I do seem to have changed just a little :D

On to another matter, Monday Photo. I was not in the mood to post my weekly. So here I am, nothing special, I do have my hair pulled back to keep it our of my face, very annoying sometimes.

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/vIeBT2p.jpg)

Maybe someday it'll be worthy of longer view times (speaking for myself)

Faith

Oh, Hey Danielle ... yes, good news, a good night, I find that my 'down and doubtful' times to be of much shorter duration than they have been in the past. That's also good :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 17, 2018, 10:02:52 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 17, 2018, 08:29:22 AMAt the end of the evening my son (who was also there, miracles do happen) asked Lori if she thought I would be OK with a hug. She said, of course. So, for the first time in his adult life, my son gave me a hug and a peck - same way that he does for Lori.

That is so sweet! :)

Quote from: Faith on October 17, 2018, 09:23:23 AM
Oh, Hey Danielle ... yes, good news, a good night, I find that my 'down and doubtful' times to be of much shorter duration than they have been in the past. That's also good :)

I am very happy to hear this.

I love to see your growing confidence, Faith.  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 17, 2018, 10:13:48 AM
Great news indeed Faith. My daughter is very affectionate too. It's the greatest feeling isn't it. My son lives too far away so I don't get to see him very often but we phone all the time.

How nice to still get to play with the band. I have long time friend that still call me by my old name too but not on purpose. It will take time but they will catch on.

As I've said before, you have the cutest tops Faith. I love the you are wearing in your resent picture.

Hugs girl!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 17, 2018, 10:58:33 AM
Hey Donica :) Thanks (about the top), It has been concluded by several female family members that I have good (read tasteful) fashion sense.

I have found that I am becoming more affectionate, not just with Lori, but everyone (strangers excluded!!). I really like my hugs. My son is bigger than I am. Being hugged by someone bigger is a new feeling for me.


Work:
(did I bring this up before? I'm drawing a blank)
So I had sent an email in to HR about a single restroom for me to use stating that it's so popular that an embarrassing situation could occur. I asked the company policy (I know I could force the issue, that's not the point). The answer was, they converted two more restrooms to unisex.

On the face of it that would appear to be a step in the right direction. It's not. All they did was side-step the issue rather than face it. What it also does is limit the multi-use women's restroom into a single use AND have to utilize such space after slovenly messy gross dudes have used it.

They plan on remodeling two other restrooms in the near future. That will limit further the available rooms. If it becomes an issue (and it will) I will start using the 2nd floor ladies rooms.


again with the blank, I was going to add more. Now I can't remember.

Faith
*surviving CRS one forgotten thing at a time**

ps

I saw your post Kathy, I'd never ignore one of yours :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 17, 2018, 02:06:48 PM
please excuse this interruption


Quoteagain with the blank, I was going to add more. Now I can't remember.

oooo, I remember.

I noticed that my upper body hair has a lot less black to it. A lot more light white instead (not gray, which is coarse).


I now return you to whatever topic I distracted you from
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 17, 2018, 02:36:21 PM
It may eventually disappear, or at least, turn into peach fuzz.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Nicole70 on October 17, 2018, 03:03:05 PM
Hi Faith,

Lots of positive updates here I've just caught up on, acceptance, band in the park, hugs from your son, body hair softening they are all pretty big items. I think getting a hug from your son is especially nice, a special moment for you both, and shows acceptance as a woman.

I'm glad you are feeling better from your down period last week, I am also finding they are getting shorter. I get what you meant about not letting go of the safety net, it's very hard to do.

You are looking good in your latest photo.

Hugs

Nicole
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 17, 2018, 03:35:57 PM
Quote from: Donica on October 17, 2018, 02:36:21 PM
It may eventually disappear, or at least, turn into peach fuzz.

Upper body epilating is reduced to once every couple weeks. I started out every day/other day. Legs are similar :)
Sometimes you have to take a step back and think about where you started so that you know where you are.

Quote from: Nicole70 on October 17, 2018, 03:03:05 PM
Hi Faith,

Lots of positive updates here I've just caught up on, acceptance, band in the park, hugs from your son, body hair softening they are all pretty big items. I think getting a hug from your son is especially nice, a special moment for you both, and shows acceptance as a woman.

I'm glad you are feeling better from your down period last week, I am also finding they are getting shorter. I get what you meant about not letting go of the safety net, it's very hard to do.

You are looking good in your latest photo.

Hugs

Nicole

thank you, I agree. Lots of special moments, my son a very important one.

safety net .. time to cut the strings .............................................................

Oh, did I reply to your before/after? I thought I did. I know I saw it. Very clear progress. Looking very feminine in your 'after' Which is also you current profile. I do pay attention sometimes

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Nicole70 on October 17, 2018, 04:32:59 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 17, 2018, 03:35:57 PM

Oh, did I reply to your before/after? I thought I did. I know I saw it. Very clear progress. Looking very feminine in your 'after' Which is also you current profile. I do pay attention sometimes

Yes thank you for your reply to my update, I'm feeling pretty good at the moment, could do with loosing some pounds but well I have no really good excuses, it is what it is. I haven't been very active this week on the forum, I have an important update to finish and prepare for install this weekend at work so apologies if I haven't replied.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 17, 2018, 05:04:31 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 17, 2018, 03:35:57 PM
Upper body epilating is reduced to once every couple weeks. I started out every day/other day. Legs are similar :)
Sometimes you have to take a step back and think about where you started so that you know where you are.

I used to use a epilady back in to day. I think it was made by Ikea? It had a coiled spring that spun. It was very dangerous and painful to use :o. If you didn't keep your skin tight, it would give you a nasty pinch. OUCH!!! What epilator are you using?

Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 17, 2018, 09:22:09 PM
Quote from: Nicole70 on October 17, 2018, 04:32:59 PM
Yes thank you for your reply to my update, I'm feeling pretty good at the moment, could do with loosing some pounds but well I have no really good excuses, it is what it is. I haven't been very active this week on the forum, I have an important update to finish and prepare for install this weekend at work so apologies if I haven't replied.
no apologies. I spend plenty of time off the forums, whether I want to or not :/

Quote from: Donica on October 17, 2018, 05:04:31 PM
I used to use a epilady back in to day. I think it was made by Ikea? It had a coiled spring that spun. It was very dangerous and painful to use :o. If you didn't keep your skin tight, it would give you a nasty pinch. OUCH!!! What epilator are you using?

Donica.

You can still get a pretty good pinch in the softer skin areas (like upper inner thighs) if you aren't careful
I use the Braun Silk-épil 9 9-579
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 18, 2018, 04:14:52 PM
I've been struggling a bit with self-image. Last night it hit hard. Today was not good. As my 1st, and likely only, post for today I thought I would leave you with something that I wrote the other night during one of those moments.



When you are feeling low and hateful
Listen not to low and hateful things
Instead listen to uplifting and loving things
For they will brighten your soul
And happiness shall come forth like
Rays of sunshine on a cloudy day

.                    Faith Nicole Davey


Nothing special but it came out from in me somewhere and I wanted to share it. I'm sure it's based on something that I heard or read somewhere.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 18, 2018, 04:29:55 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 18, 2018, 04:14:52 PM
I've been struggling a bit with self-image. Last night it hit hard. Today was not good. As my 1st, and likely only, post for today I thought I would leave you with something that I wrote the other night during one of those moments.



When you are feeling low and hateful
Listen not to low and hateful things
Instead listen to uplifting and loving things
For they will brighten your soul
And happiness shall come forth like
Rays of sunshine on a cloudy day

.                    Faith Nicole Davey


Nothing special but it came out from in me somewhere and I wanted to share it. I'm sure it's based on something that I heard or read somewhere.

Faith

@Faith
Dear Faith:
We all have had, or now have experienced similar kinds of struggles... 
...I do know that from following your thread that your battles
with self-image are not something that is new to you.
You did the right thing by trying to get yourself out of the
negativity by writing and pondering.....
 
I really like what you wrote....  I think that it belongs in my thread
      "Positive Mindset... put away negativity" (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.0.html)
I would like it a lot if you would post it there perhaps with a brief summary of why you wrote it.   It will be most helpful to all that read your words...   

I trust that you day will get better and that your self-doubt and discouragement will diminish as you ponder what you read on the Forums and on my "Positivity" thread.   

Your biggest fans, aside from your wife Lori, are right here on your thread, we want to support you with our love and understanding...
.... we always have an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on...  continue to allow us to do so.
Thank you for being comfortable to share with us.
    [emoji173]
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle   
                         cc: @DiLoris
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: davina61 on October 18, 2018, 04:32:25 PM
well I would have quoted that verse but my computer skills are lacking (don't bother to explain) , yes always look for the GOOD and CHEARFUL , see the speed typer beat me to it!!!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on October 18, 2018, 05:40:47 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 18, 2018, 04:14:52 PM
When you are feeling low and hateful
Listen not to low and hateful things
Instead listen to uplifting and loving things
For they will brighten your soul
And happiness shall come forth like
Rays of sunshine on a cloudy day


Always look on the bright side of life.
(Whistle)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on October 18, 2018, 08:06:13 PM
Quote from: Faith on October 17, 2018, 08:29:22 AM
At the end of the evening my son (who was also there, miracles do happen) asked Lori if she thought I would be OK with a hug. She said, of course. So, for the first time in his adult life, my son gave me a hug and a peck - same way that he does for Lori.

Hi Faith, I have to believe that the response from your son, "my son gave me a hug and a peck - same way that he does for Lori.", had to have you over the moon. Having my sons refer to me as mom and give me the same hugs that they give Debi is just awesome. Congratulations with having your son see and fully accept the new you!

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 19, 2018, 07:43:10 AM
Tia Anne, yes, it was a very moving moment. I don't think I reciprocated it properly though. No, more like, I held back a squee response to avoid making him uncomfortable. He was already nervous about it. You'd have to know him to understand why.


Danielle, someone else can quote it in there if they find it worthy. I'm not much for cross-posting myself around forums.


Today, a bit up on mood. No, that's not right, my mood wasn't down. I was hit by body dysphoria. Properly distracted my mood was fine. Someday I'll be worth looking at, maybe, possibly, hopefully.

Today I am also very tired and sluggish. It's almost like I took some nighttime allergy pills (except that I didn't). Coffee isn't helping. I may need to scrounge up some sweet snacks.

I wore a new top today and took a selfie. You can tell that I'm really tired. It's not worthy of posting.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 19, 2018, 10:07:01 AM
Regardless of where they came from Faith, they are wonderful words to live by.  Wonderful words that will brighten everyone's day. Thanks for sharing.

Hugs girl,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on October 19, 2018, 05:36:56 PM
Hi Faith

Just caught up on your thread...I am still about the same place with the email but promise I will finish it today as I wanted to continue our discussion and now with all this new stuff happening in you life that I will include in the email...Take care
Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 20, 2018, 07:25:28 AM
Hi Faith, just caught up on your thread. I don't know where all the time is going. It took me 9 hours just to update my own thread whenever I get a few minutes free time.

I don't even recognise you anymore when I compare the new you to the earlier version of Faith when we first met on the forum. You are even writing uplifting quotes to help pull you out of the blues. BTW, I agree with Danielle, that short paragraph you wrote deserves some space in her Positive mindset thread. I love the way you are owning who you are. The Hug moment from your son as really sweet. That must have made you feel very warm and fuzzy. And even when you have a crappy day, it doesn't wipe you out for an extended period of time. You recognise the cause of what made you feel bad and you manage to bounce back very quickly.

You're amazing Faith!

Big hugs to you!
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 20, 2018, 01:26:08 PM
I've been reading your thread (your's, Lauri's, Michelle's, whole slew of others), I am not the amazing one. I am just trying to hold myself together. My BD kicked in hard again back on the 17th and hasn't relented yet. I'm running out of distractions, I stay right to the edge of falling apart. I'm totally burning out. I've lost my bounce :(

I keep hoping and waiting for my first real mail-fail. Not the 'all dolled up', ma'am .. ladies. I mean the one where you're all sweaty in old clothes, go someplace like Home Depot, and still get ma'am, miss, ms .. something. It hasn't happened. I only get it when I cover up my face, that tells me a lot.

Quote from: Jayne01 on October 20, 2018, 07:25:28 AM
Hi Faith, just caught up on your thread. I don't know where all the time is going. It took me 9 hours just to update my own thread whenever I get a few minutes free time.

I don't even recognise you anymore when I compare the new you to the earlier version of Faith when we first met on the forum. You are even writing uplifting quotes to help pull you out of the blues. BTW, I agree with Danielle, that short paragraph you wrote deserves some space in her Positive mindset thread. I love the way you are owning who you are. The Hug moment from your son as really sweet. That must have made you feel very warm and fuzzy. And even when you have a crappy day, it doesn't wipe you out for an extended period of time. You recognise the cause of what made you feel bad and you manage to bounce back very quickly.

You're amazing Faith!

Big hugs to you!
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 20, 2018, 04:55:16 PM
suck it up and deal

I'll go do that.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 20, 2018, 05:20:06 PM
So if I'm in a skirt and blouse but no makeup and some handsome gentleman holds the door for me, is that a male fail?
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 20, 2018, 03:28:14 PM
Welcome to the club, hon. I'll leave it to you to decide how well I'm doing in the presentation department, but I can say I haven't been misgendered in quite a long time now. BUT, there is no way in H E Double Toothpicks I would ever attempt to leave the house without at least minimal makeup, jewelry, brushed hair, and reasonably feminine clothing. I will not tempt fate by going out without those precautions, in an attempt to test male-fail. I might try it after the first of the year, after the swelling subsides from FFS, but now, not a chance.

So yeah, in effect, I'm covering my face, too, along with so many others here, so you shouldn't feel bad about it. We're both starting from a pretty good place, so all we have to do is a little enhancement. Right or wrong, it's what we women do to make ourselves presentable to the world. Get used to it, sister. [emoji6]

Stephanie

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 21, 2018, 04:59:49 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 20, 2018, 01:26:08 PM
I've been reading your thread (your's, Lauri's, Michelle's, whole slew of others), I am not the amazing one. I am just trying to hold myself together. My BD kicked in hard again back on the 17th and hasn't relented yet. I'm running out of distractions, I stay right to the edge of falling apart. I'm totally burning out. I've lost my bounce :(

I keep hoping and waiting for my first real mail-fail. Not the 'all dolled up', ma'am .. ladies. I mean the one where you're all sweaty in old clothes, go someplace like Home Depot, and still get ma'am, miss, ms .. something. It hasn't happened. I only get it when I cover up my face, that tells me a lot.
So sorry Faith. I know exactly how you feel. I only get gendered correctly with makeup and women's clothes. Yesterday at work I was wearing makeup with my work uniform and I was getting misgendered all day long. It sucks. Here is a long distance virtual hug... (((((HUG)))))

Try not to focus what isn't happening and concentrate in what is working well for you. That seems to be helping me cope.

Hang in there girl, you will get through this and will bounce back to your happy self.

Big hugs!
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 22, 2018, 07:12:21 AM
popping in for one post then I'm going away again.


I am not in a good place, my head is all skewed BD and GD both are killing me (figuratively, not literally). They taint everything that I see and hear. I need a break from life but there's no escape.

I hope all of you are still here for me when I'm back to myself, in a day, a week, a month, I have no idea.


I will leave you with this bit of positive laced with negative (which did nothing to alleviate my current moods and feelings).

We managed to make a late arrival at the local music club gathering. Lori did her best to dress 'as a guy', she failed miserably but it was funny watching her try to be grumpy and not smile. I dressed mostly, not quite, goth-like. Darkened makeup, clothes, ring/bracelet/lace combos on each hand (different). I could not find my earrings and I did not have time to fit the pitch black wig that I have.

1st positive, we missed the competition. Ok by me, I didn't want to be in it  in the first place. BUT, we were told that we would have won easily. I had to dress goth-like because a friend stated that we should go as man/woman (Lori=man, of course). I told her that I dress as a woman all the time, it's not a costume.
2nd positive, with a bit of negative, an acquaintance came up expressing their gladness at seeing us since it's been a while. He wanted confirmed on  my chose name, which he used. He also told Lori (he was speaking primarily to her, directed at me as well) that I 'make a good looking woman'. I wanted to say, 'I am one'. I didn't speak up.
3rd positive. A elder friend came straight over and gave a big hug. No discomfort, just happy to see us.


I was almost in tears when were left barely 20 mins later. Not from happy, from the distance, the avoidance, the no eye contact. I was not specifically shunned, I did feel set aside. Lori got the Hi's and Hugs from most, I got to just stand there feeling invisible. I will seriously question whether we go back again or not.

That's it an update that I didn't really want to type but I did anyways.

'see' you when I come back, take care
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on October 22, 2018, 07:16:46 AM
Faith, I am sorry that you need to take a time-out.  I wish I could help.  If you need to talk, feel free to PM me or email me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 22, 2018, 08:25:56 AM
I'm sorry to hear you are not in a good place.  I hope it will pass soon.  We'll be here.

On a side note, your acquaintances being distance is probably more about them not fully understanding than it is about you.  They will come around.  You have a good group of friends it seems. 
Hugs, Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 22, 2018, 01:21:02 PM
Hi Faith,

Take whatever time you need, we will be here when you return. Please don't stay away too long, we will miss you. Feel free to PM or email if you want to talk privately.

Big hugs!!!

Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 22, 2018, 01:48:07 PM
Hope to see you back soon Faith.

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on October 29, 2018, 02:23:44 PM
Hi Faith,

(((((BIG HUG)))))

I hope you are well and feeling better. Just dropping in to let you know that you haven't been forgotten and we are still here whenever you feel ready to return. Don't rush, take as long as you need, your friends aren't going anywhere.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on October 31, 2018, 08:34:40 AM
Sorry, I'm not here. Please leave a message after the beep
<<BEEP>>
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 31, 2018, 09:05:25 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 31, 2018, 08:34:40 AM
Sorry, I'm not here. Please leave a message after the beep
<<BEEP>>

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Oh, that is very cute.....  Beep  Beep  ;)
At least your followers now know that you are peeking in on your thread and on the forums during your sabbatical leave.

You can rest in the fact, that even though you are gone for a time, we care about you and want you to know that we are here to support you.... and give you HUGS !!!

I trust that you get some of the issues that you are working out resolved soon...
...we want to see your progress, pictures and your updates as you feel comfortable posting them.

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on October 31, 2018, 09:25:56 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 31, 2018, 08:34:40 AM
Sorry, I'm not here. Please leave a message after the beep
<<BEEP>>

Hi Ms. Faith. This is your friend Stephanie. I'm calling to let you know that I and everyone else here are thinking of you and wishing for the best. Take care, and talk to you later.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 31, 2018, 09:33:54 AM
@Faith
OK now, PhantomFaith
.... so while you were peeking in, I saw that you posted reply comments
on both the threads of @Jayne01  and  @LizK

So, I take it then that you are still alive and kicking ... and even commenting!

Please take your time to get your head around any issues that you are dealing with.
Do know however, we miss you.

Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 31, 2018, 10:04:07 AM
Quote from: Faith on September 06, 2018, 07:37:50 PM
Not sure who's bothering to read this, I'm probably typing to myself
... I know you are Judi so hush, let me wallow ...

Faith, No wallowing allowed.  Just like the hide and seek game we used to play, "olley, olley in free, come out come out wherever you are!"

You must be feeling a little better, no?  I hope you are.  We are here filling in the void until you return.
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on October 31, 2018, 10:28:28 AM
Quote from: Faith on October 31, 2018, 08:34:40 AM
Sorry, I'm not here. Please leave a message after the beep
<<BEEP>>


Hi Faith! Pick up. It's me Donica. I know your there. I can hear you breathing. Come Faith, pick up, pick up, pick up <<BEEP>> Dang it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 02, 2018, 08:03:32 AM
Well, it feels like forever rather than a few days. My heads still split, all kinds of happy doubts (if that makes sense to anyone). I'm bored at work and thought to myself, "Hey, Self!! Why not log in on the forums and give an update?" Not being one to argue with myself (HAH!, yeah, right. Like everyday!!!!!! .. ahem .. ) here I am. Now I have to remember what's happened the last little bit.

1st off. I'll not get into much of what I've been going through. Those that checked on me, and I had the email for, got an earful (eyeful) though. Even then I glossed over a lot of it. Thanks for the check-ins, they mean a lot even if I'm a grouchy old biddy when I reply.

I need to scroll back and look at what I've already written, excuse me a moment ...
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.
.
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OH!! .. Direct apology to Steph. You didn't type anything seriously amiss, I just wasn't ready for it.
hmm, there's more. excuse me again ...
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.
.
.
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Ok, caught up, sort of. Jamboree was the last update. Only a week? That doesn't seem right ...

I've had to deal with a few well-meaning (ex)friends who want to fix me. One of them was a religious questionnaire email (that I'll not recount). It threw me for a loop mentally. It didn't trigger any doubts on my part, it did set my head spinning in the 'what does everyone else I know think, what are they hiding?. I've concluded, for the 1000th+ times .. Too bad, I'm me.

We made a showing at the local weekly outdoor jam (not the jamboree). We arrived late (Lori was working). They were doing a celebration of life for a friend of ours that passed. She was aware of my changes although it wasn't dramatic yet at that time. She never once changed how she looked at me or how she talked to me. It was an, "Oh, Ok"  kind of thing and that was it.

I did not play although I brought my stuff. I decided it was too late to drag it all out. There was someone else playing bass anyways. We sat on the seawall to listen. I had 3 friends come to me to say Hi, a 4th waved me over (he was playing and couldn't come to me). 5 people, 5 hugs. 1 gal friend stated that she was going to have to step up her game to compete with my outfits. One guy made sure to comment on how good I looked. (creepy hug guy from several? months ago, I recounted it somewhere). I had bad thoughts wondering if he's 'closet gay' (not that I care) and would make a move if Lori wasn't standing guard ... I don't want to find out ... blah .. Sorry, that's not nice. Wondering where the 5th come from? She was sitting next to guy 4 that waved me over. She doesn't understand but totally accepting.

out of 50+ people, they were the only ones to approach me. Not sure how or don't want to? No idea. Doesn't matter.

Perhaps I should mention, I did not change after work. I was there in a maxi skirt, top, black sandals. Same outfit that I wore in my profile picture way back when, the first skirt outfit that I wore to work. You'll have to work to remember what it looked like, something ate all my images. I had never worn a skirt in front of them before, that was the first time. Lori was surprised that I did it. I'd always changed to slacks before when we were going places where people knew me.

rolling backwards a little further. I felt good all that day at work, I don't know, it was just a good day. At home before I left to meet Lori I checked the mirror to make sure everything was set and ... there she was ... I looked away and looked back, she was still there. I had to spend a few minutes gazing in wonder.

ok, moving back forwards. Lori got dragged into a conversation about me with the wife in the ex-friend couple (from way back when I first came out (read my thread, it's in there!!). It set her back a bit in her own thoughts. I'll not recount what Lori said of the conversation, I bet you all can surmise. Yesterday morning Lori asked me to call her (I was at work). She just wanted to hear my voice (not much voice, it's almost gone from being in the night air too much) .. and she wanted to apologize for letting that (ex)friend conversation twist her thoughts away from her own. Really? no apology needed. Lori already has put up with more and worked with and accepted more than I could ever have hoped or dreamed of. I fully expected to be alone by this time .. I love my wife, just sayin'  :icon_flower: :icon_love: :-*

Let's see .. Oh, night air. I rushed home on Wed to start primping and dressing up for Halloween. I had most of it done before Lori got home. I did a pretty good job, imo, on the extreme face makeup. So well, in fact, that Lori said it looked really good on me ... just not for every day.  No problem there, that's too much work. We went with the 'spray on temporary black hair color' rather than the wig, it was late and I didn't want to deal with trying to get it settled and brushed right. The spray gave a good mix of black and silver.

--- no pictures !!!!! -- I was fine all night until Lori took some pictures and I looked at them. Some old guy in drag .. no thank you. Killed my evening at that point. Good thing we were on the way home by then. The topper was getting home and realizing that I lost my drivers license at some point in the walk (I kept fishing out throat lozenges all night). I was wearing a smaller glitter bag and not my larger one as part of the costume.

Yesterday I wore jeans, sneakers, button up top, no makeup. I wasn't in dress up mood. Today I'm in a nice top and skirt. What a bunch of wishy-washy up-down-sideways days I've been having. I still don't feel like myself yet.

Hmm, I remember a moment but not what day. Lori and I were out and we stopped at IHOP to grab a bite. I was feeling a bit mediocre down and bummed. I was not dressed up at all. Mild make-up, hair tied back, jeans. We chatted a bit about whys and wherefores when out came the magic word .. the waitress referred to us as 'ladies' several times. That first one couldn't keep the grin off my face, Lori looked up at the same time and met my eyes with one of her own grins. Almost a full male-fail moment .. I'll get there.

I think that catches things up. Like I said, there is a lot going on in my head that I am not going to spew out, it's just too much to put words to.

I'll try to check in more often, no promises.

Take care everyone, thanks for caring
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 02, 2018, 09:28:46 AM
Great update Faith! It's great to see you back too. Oh ya, About that phone call earlier this week? Please disregard. The night air makes my voice hoarse too. Wow, I would call that a male fail. Ahhh, really? No pictures? OK girl. No worries.

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 02, 2018, 09:45:27 AM
Hi, Faith.  Thanks for checking in.

Being addressed as "ladies" is a full-on male fail.  No "almost" about it.  :D

Don't be a stranger!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 02, 2018, 10:34:19 AM
Faith, at the end of the day this is what really matters!

"Yesterday morning Lori asked me to call her (I was at work). She just wanted to hear my voice (not much voice, it's almost gone from being in the night air too much) .. and she wanted to apologize for letting that (ex)friend conversation twist her thoughts away from her own. Really? no apology needed. Lori already has put up with more and worked with and accepted more than I could ever have hoped or dreamed of. I fully expected to be alone by this time .. I love my wife, just sayin'  :icon_flower: :icon_love: :-*"

I hope you find your license.  Thanks for checking in.
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 02, 2018, 10:56:04 AM
hey y'all

Judi, yes I agree, Lori is the single most important thing when dealing with others. I have been so lucky in life with my wife and children

Kathy .. partial-male-fail .. When I get ma'am'd or lady'd in jeans, top, & no makeup everyone on the forum will probably hear my mental squeee. I know it won't happen regularly, I just want it to happen at least once.

Donica .. no, no pictures. *shudder* I'll see if I'm brave enough tonight to take another look at them.

addendum to a past post:
at the Jamboree there was a sign-up paper for a picnic, one of the member perks. You have to sign up so they know how many burgers and such to prepare. Anyways, I had signed us up and turned back to Lori and she was looking at it .. I looked back .. I had signed it 'Faith and Lori' .... well, waddayaknow
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 02, 2018, 11:03:36 AM
"I had signed it 'Faith and Lori' .... well, waddayaknow"

Ya, how about that. I sounds like we're rubbing off on you girl. I'll give that a <<SQUEEEE!!!>>. BTW, are your practicing your new signature? Oh wow! That's food for thought! How does your full signature work? Mrs. and Mrs. Faith <middle name> <last name> and who's name is first? Yours or Lori's? Mrs. and Mrs. Lori <middle name> <last name>? Just asking? Sorry!

Hugs Faith!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on November 02, 2018, 12:05:05 PM
Faith, I'm so glad to see you back. And please never beat yourself up over things said in the down times. You're my friend and I love you, good or bad.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 02, 2018, 01:50:11 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
No matter what you have said in your down times, it is not an issue in the least now that you have returned.

All of your followers here have stated things that are not very productive especially when our chips are down, all of us have moments like that.... all of us! 
Then it is always our kind and understanding friends that can get us back up to our happy place. 
We are here for you.

I like what @Donica mentioned...
....perhaps new return address labels need to be printed up and also new checks for your joint bank account.
                  Mrs. and Mrs. Lori <middle name> <last name>?

Thank you for coming back and keeping us updated.... now you are no longer "Phantom Faith"

Hugs and hugs and well wishes.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 02, 2018, 07:49:01 PM
Welcome back Faith. It's so nice to see you back on the forum. We have missed you.

I'm sorry that ex-friend ended up messing with Lori's thought process and in turn messing with yours. It is very clear how much you and Lori love each other. I doubt there is anyone or anything that could keep you apart.

You are starting to report more frequently of the times you look in the mirror and see "her" instead of "him". I am really enjoying seeing you finding comfort with who you are. Looking in the mirror and being able to like and identify with the reflection you see is a very nice feeling. I'm glad that you are able to experience that feeling.

I hope to see some of your photos reappear sometime soon.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 03, 2018, 02:16:28 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on November 02, 2018, 07:49:01 PM.... I hope to see some of your photos reappear sometime soon ....

speaking of .. I reviewed the Halloween photos and picked 4 to share. I do it with trepidation, please don't quote them all over. Seeing them once in my thread is enough, thanks.

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/kLsKAjl.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/j2LsMu7.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/V1cYvKL.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/kh62W7X.jpg)

I think I was channeling my inner Stephanie on that 4th photo, judging by that smile. I know it's not one of mine!!

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 03, 2018, 02:25:03 PM
Faith, you look awesome in those photos! I like them all. And yes, I agree with you. You and Stephanie could be sisters on that 4th photo, especially with that same facial expression you both have.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on November 03, 2018, 02:38:26 PM
Pics look great, Faith.

You should steal that smile more often.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on November 03, 2018, 02:52:14 PM
YOUR big smile in that last photo looks great on YOU.

(That's a hint...)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on November 03, 2018, 03:08:42 PM
OMG! I have to chime in and agree with Lori. You did very well on your makeup. I think it is the MOST and bestest picture of you Faith. I'd guess a full on ***PASS*** for the tall woman in the pictures. Thes short one isn't bad at all either. Love ya both. You just HAVE to get over this insecurity that is plaguing you girl.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 03, 2018, 03:15:31 PM
Great pics, Faith!  I agree that that smile looks good on you.  I am sure Stephanie will let you borrow it any time you need it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 03, 2018, 03:24:54 PM
Thanks everyone. I do like the photos myself, I just cannot look at them too long or often before 'he' shows up. I am getting better, honest! :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Cindy on November 03, 2018, 03:31:35 PM
Oohh what a lovely way to wake up in sunny Adelaide - Faith is back!!!!!!!


Lovely to see you honey  :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

Cindy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 03, 2018, 03:32:27 PM
Don't over analyze them Faith.  You look good and you know it!   Bring that smile out more often, it's really becoming on you!

Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 03, 2018, 03:39:40 PM
Quote from: Cindy on November 03, 2018, 03:31:35 PM
Oohh what a lovely way to wake up in sunny Adelaide - Faith is back!!!!!!!


Lovely to see you honey  :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

Cindy

:icon_redface: ;D

A bit early there yet, isn't it Cindy? I bet that sun isn't even out yet.

Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on November 03, 2018, 03:32:27 PM... it's really becoming on you! ...

Hey Judi, I think the phrase is "it's becoming me" :)

Faith

CRAP! now I feel bad that I didn't direct quote/reply to everyone. No slight intended!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on November 03, 2018, 03:40:46 PM
Oh gosh, thank you for the nice compliment, Faith. If that's what you think my smile looks like, you've made me very happy, because the one you're wearing is nothing short of beautiful. All of those pictures show such a pretty woman. Whether you chose to believe it or not, you've made it, sister.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 03, 2018, 04:01:58 PM
come on now Steph, have you looked at your profile picture recently? You can't see that smile of yours?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on November 03, 2018, 05:40:21 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 03, 2018, 02:16:28 PM
speaking of .. I reviewed the Halloween photos and picked 4 to share. I do it with trepidation, please don't quote them all over. Seeing them once in my thread is enough, thanks.


I think I was channeling my inner Stephanie on that 4th photo, judging by that smile. I know it's not one of mine!!

Faith

Oh wow......you.....look.....amazing.

I can see in the first phot you looking a little unsure but then in the last one I see that smile and realise just how happy you are, just  being you...Nice to have you back posting ....I love the outfit by the way and those legs are a real asset!!!

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 03, 2018, 06:10:55 PM
Quote from: LizK on November 03, 2018, 05:40:21 PM
Oh wow......you.....look.....amazing.

I can see in the first phot you looking a little unsure but then in the last one I see that smile and realise just how happy you are, just  being you...Nice to have you back posting ....I love the outfit by the way and those legs are a real asset!!!

Take care

Liz
:icon_redface: :icon_redface:

Thank you Liz. Sometimes I feel really good about how I'm made up .. until I look at myself and I crash. Getting external opinions really helps. The wrongs jump out so aggressively that it's really hard to see for myself what other people see. Leaving pictures of myself up for too long drives the wrongness home. I am very surprised at myself that I left my most recent profile picture up for so long.

But, that's negative talk. Right now I don't feel too bad. Lori and I are at her aunts while her other sister is away (she can't be left alone). Old me would never have been here, he'd be at home enjoying his alone time.

I want to thank everyone again for your responses. I only posted them by request and I really expected simple 'nice photos' type responses.

You all (properly stated as Y'all) are awesome
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 03, 2018, 06:52:39 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 03, 2018, 03:39:40 PM
Hey Judi, I think the phrase is "it's becoming me" :)


Regardless, the smile is working!  Keep doing it!   ;D
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on November 03, 2018, 08:28:20 PM
Hi Faith,

Welcome back, it is good to see you here. And those pictures, particularly the fourth one, show you as very pretty and oh so happy! It does look good on you.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on November 03, 2018, 08:40:49 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 03, 2018, 04:01:58 PM
come on now Steph, have you looked at your profile picture recently? You can't see that smile of yours?

I can, Faith, but do see a lot of "him" in there still. But here's the thing: I no longer care. Between the assurances from all of you, and the most amazing week I've had, I've come to believe what I'm being told and what I'm seeing in the reactions of everyone around me. As Cassie and I keep saying to each other, "We've made it." And I finally think I truly feel that now. It's one of the most awesome realizations I've ever experienced, and if you don't believe it now, you will.

Give yourself the time you need, and vow to stop beating yourself up, and some day, sooner than you think, it'll smack you upside your head and you'll see what you couldn't before. You're a beautiful woman. Welcome to the new reality.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 04, 2018, 07:30:34 AM
Hey Tia, thank you  :). Pretty  ;D I can't see myself as pretty but I guess I don't have to. Thinking of yourself as beautiful or pretty could lead to egotism I suppose. Best to leave it for others to see or not.

My goal (one of) is to stop being down on myself. I have to realize, there is nothing wrong with him as long as she is in the forefront in my mind's image. Its hard. Right now seeing him is like a mental hammer-blow. Someday the twain shall meet.

Steph, I know exactly what you are saying. I can't brush it aside, not yet. Someday. Beautiful  :icon_redface: you all ... y'all .. need to stop with that, I might start believing it.

Well, that's all for this morning. As those of you have expressed with some very firm words of reminders, any update is better than none.

Since I have not posted a 'weekly', here is a fuzzy one from a few minutes ago. Mostly him but I am wearing Lori's shirt :D

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/V5uN3JV.jpg)

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 04, 2018, 08:00:52 AM
Faith, you are beautiful!  Today's photo certainly shows that.

Maybe I look at faces differently than you do.  Some people look for certain features.  Does she have a cute turned-up nose?  Does she have a delicate chin?  Does she have masculine eyebrows? 

I have never looked at faces that way.  I look to see if I can see a person's inner beauty.  And yours is shining out like a 1000 watt light bulb in this photo!  I can't miss it, and I can't see anything else.  I think many of us see that in you.

Hugs.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 04, 2018, 08:02:34 AM
Wow Faith! Ok, at your request, I won't say the B word but, honestly Faith, all the pictures are lovely. Especially picture #4 and today's picture show a VERY LOVELY SMILE!!!. You can't fake a real smile. A real smile comes from deep within your heart and that's not a fake smile that I see.

I'm very glad your back Faith!
Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on November 04, 2018, 11:13:18 AM
What Kathy and Donica said! That glow that is shining brightly does it all.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 04, 2018, 04:34:58 PM
You look fantastic Faith. I love your latest photo. The smile is genuine and I don't see "him" in that photo at all. If I start analysing each individual feature, yes, there are some parts that could be seen as more masculine, but start having a close look at vis women. Many of them have individual features which can be considered masculine. Nobody looks at people that way. We see the whole picture and your whole picture says woman. You're rocking it girl.

You will eventually stop searching for "him" or "her" in your photos and just see you. Take a step back and don't look too closely and you will see what we all see.

Great to see you posting pics again.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 04, 2018, 07:28:26 PM
Oh, I agree with everyone that the happy is shining through. Even on my down days I am happy inside waiting to come back out. I get down for specific reasons, it does not negate my overall happy that I've made it where I am. The emotional side of things is working very well :)

What I can't see is the girl in any photo, not there, nope. I can accept that you (all) see her, I can accept that Lori sees her ... a lot. I cannot.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 04, 2018, 07:54:03 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 04, 2018, 07:28:26 PM
Oh, I agree with everyone that the happy is shining through. Even on my down days I am happy inside waiting to come back out. I get down for specific reasons, it does not negate my overall happy that I've made it where I am. The emotional side of things is working very well :)

What I can't see is the girl in any photo, not there, nope. I can accept that you (all) see her, I can accept that Lori sees her ... a lot. I cannot.
You will get there! She will become visible to you. The important thing is that you are now happy inside.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 05, 2018, 09:27:31 AM
another day, another dip. I'm so messed up, I don't know what to do with myself. How can a few closed-minded hard-core religious types cause me so much mental troubles. Why can't they just accept that fact that I am different than them and leave it be. Why do they feel the need to point all all the reasons, in their minds, of why it's wrong and how I need to fix myself. If I try in any way to defend myself out comes the anti-trans propaganda that's posted on every hate-group site on the internet. I just want to be me ... leave me alone. When they say nothing it's even louder, it's like their thoughts and disapproval are laser-boring out of their eyes.

Add to that my GD/BD flareup. I thought it was on a decline, today I'm barely holding on from breaking down. Maybe I should just have a meltdown at work and get it over with. I did lurk mode 1st thing this morning on the forum to silently catch up. I kept reading the 'surgery coming' 'surgery here' .. beautiful posts everywhere, progress being made.  Here I am, an old guy wearing women's clothes, glop on my face, voice to scare little children with ... why do I bother? Life made sense as him, everything lined up, wife, children, grandchildren, friends, social activities.

Now what am I? Stuck in my own head trying not to pound it on my desk.

This is why I try to stay away from the forums. Nobody needs this crap. I shouldn't even be here now, I don't know why I am.

I just want to be me .. why can't I be me? ARRGGH, here I go tearing up again. I should go clean the glop off before it smears everywhere ...............
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 05, 2018, 10:04:42 AM
screw it, I'm here and I promised a weekly 'beginning of the week' photo.  Here is it:

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/56atRFX.jpg?1)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 05, 2018, 10:28:33 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 05, 2018, 10:04:42 AM
screw it, I'm here and I promised a weekly 'beginning of the week' photo.  Here is it:

@Faith
Dear Faith:
I love your post... short and to the point!  Way to go girl.
... and yes, I was wondering where your weekly photo's were, I was just about to make a comment requesting your Monday morning picture as you had promised!!!   Hmmm, I love how you look, you hair, your outfit ...
... BUT where is that beautiful smile?  ;D

Thanks for sharing and posting your beginning of the week photo with your followers.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 05, 2018, 12:25:29 PM
That color is working on you Faith.  Very rich looking!

Judi 

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 05, 2018, 02:24:03 PM
I sooo love your hair Faith!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 07, 2018, 07:06:21 AM
picture .. meh .. wasn't the point of my last post(s).

Even in my ongoing 'off' days I know one thing for sure and it's summed up in the lyrics of this song that popped back into my head recently. One pronoun change from the original lyrics.




The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A
Written and performed by Donna Fargo


Shine on me sunshine
Walk with me world
It's a skippidity do da day
I'm the happiest girl, in the whole U.S.A.

Good morning morning
Hello sunshine
Wake up sleepy head
Why'd we move that bojangle clock so far away from the bed
Just one more minute
That's why we moved it
One more hug would do
Do you love waking up next to me
As much as I love waking up next to you

You make the coffee
I'll make the bed
I'll fix your lunch
And you fix mine
Now tell me the truth
Do these old shoes look funny
Honey it's almost nine
Now you be careful
Gotta go, I love you
Have a beautiful day,
And kiss the happiest girl, in the whole U.S.A.

Skippidity do da
Thank you oh Lord for making her for me
And thank you for letting life turn out the way
That I always thought it could be
There once was a time when I could not imagine
How it would feel to say
I'm happiest girl, in the whole U.S.A

Now shine on me sunshine
Walk with me world
It's a skippidity do da day
I'm the happiest girl, in the whole U.S.A.

Shine on me sunshine
Walk with me world
It's a skippidity do da day
I'm the happiest girl, in the whole U.S.A.

Shine on me sunshine
Walk with me world
It's a skippidity do da day
I'm the happiest girl, in the whole U.S.A.




that's it. Nothing to add or change from my previous post

see ya around, maybe,
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 07, 2018, 07:14:14 AM
Faith, if that's you on an "off" day, then you are doing very well.  I am happy to hear it.  :D

Can't read those lyrics without hearing Donna Fargo's lisp: "happiesht girl". ;)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 07, 2018, 07:22:43 AM
my off days are primarily focused on dysphoria, as vented a few posts back. nothing has changed on that end ... literally & figuratively.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on November 08, 2018, 12:23:28 AM
 Just hang in there Faith. She will win the battle with him given enough time. (You could try to give her a little moral support and encouragement) Really, I know it is difficult for you at times and I will say that sometimes we are our worst enemy. (I know this from experience) But I also know if we stick to it she will win in the end.

Love ya,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 08, 2018, 08:26:27 AM
Quote from: Laurie on November 08, 2018, 12:23:28 AM
Just hang in there Faith. She will win the battle with him given enough time. (You could try to give her a little moral support and encouragement) Really, I know it is difficult for you at times and I will say that sometimes we are our worst enemy. (I know this from experience) But I also know if we stick to it she will win in the end.

Love ya,
  Laurie

Thanks Laurie. I think my photo detracted from the post before it, or I've said similar so many times that no one has a response. You and Liz were the only two to directly reference it.

It is coming together, slowly. I read of people that are going through worse and it makes me feel .. I don't know, I can't think of the word .. like I should just smile, move on, pretend that I don't feel it, wait for it to pass. I've been so lucky overall that I should just be grateful and keep quiet.

I think I'm another step closer to full self-acceptance. It's hard when you see the nonacceptance in other peoples eyes. Just yesterday I went to a new place, for work, that our company had acquired. There's ~12+ existing employees. Well when I got introduced several eyes went wide and then back to normal. Yeah, they saw a guy. Even make-up and a nice outfit couldn't hide it.

This past week or so was rough. I looked at the calendar .. yep, 1st week of the month *sigh*. A little better today but  I can tell that everything I felt is just hiding in the back of my thoughts ready to jump out at the least opportune time.

There are many posts on here that really trigger me, one of the reasons I am not posting much. Besides, my opinion(s) is/are just one more in the noise of the world, keep it to myself.

More to say, can't express it. Time to wander off ......
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 08, 2018, 09:25:34 AM
snipped:
Quote from: Faith on November 08, 2018, 08:26:27 AM
Thanks Laurie. I think my photo detracted from the post before it, or I've said similar so many times that no one has a response. You and Liz were the only two to directly reference it.

It is coming together, slowly. I read of people that are going through worse and it makes me feel .. I don't know, I can't think of the word .. like I should just smile, move on, pretend that I don't feel it, wait for it to pass. I've been so lucky overall that I should just be grateful and keep quiet.

I think I'm another step closer to full self-acceptance. It's hard when you see the nonacceptance in other peoples eyes. Just yesterday I went to a new place, for work, that our company had acquired. There's ~12+ existing employees. Well when I got introduced several eyes went wide and then back to normal. Yeah, they saw a guy. Even make-up and a nice outfit couldn't hide it.

This past week or so was rough. I looked at the calendar .. yep, 1st week of the month *sigh*. A little better today but  I can tell that everything I felt is just hiding in the back of my thoughts ready to jump out at the least opportune time.

There are many posts on here that really trigger me, one of the reasons I am not posting much.
Besides, my opinion(s) is/are just one more in the noise of the world, keep it to myself.

More to say, can't express it. Time to wander off ......

@Faith
Dear Faith:
My oh my...  I really hope that you start believing in yourself that you are going to make it to your goals. 
I read every posting of yours with great interest but there are times that when any of us "vent" that there is nothing that can be said in reply to make everything better... so that could be the reason for limited responses...  but the "venting" itself is great personal therapy that helps us to mentally process our thoughts and current issues that we are dealing with.. 

.... and NO, your picture DID NOT detract from the post before it....  combined, your postings that chronicle what you are feeling in addition to your posts with your photo(s) makes for a very informative "picture" of you and your transition life as you are feeling it.  Always feel free to let it flow, your followers are always most interested in what you have to say and want to also see some of your photos as you feel comfortable posting them.

Please know, that none of us here have been immune to non-acceptance...  I prefer to look at those "less than successful" moments that I have as learning times that I can formulate ways improve my acceptance.

Oh, and as a final note, I am truly sorry that if my postings are included in the one's that tend to "trigger" you I desire to make any changes necessary to help you focus on your journey and end goals.
Please write me a PM and let me know what I can do to eliminate those triggering moments for you....   I want you to be happy, and I am glad that you are going down your transition road with apparently good results.... ignore the bumps in the road!!! We all have many of the very same bumps.

I eagerly check your thread every time that I log in....  after all, I am one of your avid followers, that is what followers do, they follow!!
Hugs and hugs and well wishes..  [emoji173]
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on November 09, 2018, 12:47:07 AM
 My dear friend Faith,

  One of these days two things are going to happen for you. They may have at the same time or one may happen before the other in no particular order. They are:

1. You will realize that there are only two people that matter about you being the woman you are. Of course those two are Lori and you. You are half way there now. Lori know who you ar. Everyone else doesn't really matter and you will come to believe that. Only you and Lori are allowed to have an opinion that matters. You will cease to be bothered by others.
2. You will come to accept who you are inside as the person you need to be on the outside. You will see her wherever you look and she will make you happy as Lori fulfills you soul and heart. You will like your self and be at peace with yourself.

  Faith mark my words. You will be whole and happy finally in your life. And so will Lori. It will be beautiful. You are on your way there now and you will reach your goals.

Love and hugs to you both,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 09, 2018, 05:44:18 AM
Well after many months I went and did it. I made a new appointment with my therapist. I need some external face-2-face help getting my head clear. I also forwarded her an certain email for her consideration (Laurie, you know which one) for my first/next appointment.  I also linked her to this thread. I thought it might provide a bit more background information without the hunt-n-search question/answer normally required.

Hopefully she's actually read(ing) it ...  :icon_wave:

shh .. no comments, all angels here ...  :angel: :angel:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 09, 2018, 01:15:41 PM
Hello!! Yes, Faith is really a sweet lady. We just need to convince her of that.

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Nicole70 on November 09, 2018, 08:35:02 PM
Hang in there Faith, I've just caught up, it's not easy this transitioning thing, you look great, hope you feel better soon.

Hugs,

Nicole
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica_Rose on November 09, 2018, 09:03:27 PM
Faith, this is by far the most difficult thing most of us have ever, or will ever do. The greatest obstacles I have encountered during this journey, the ones which scared me the most, were all in my mind. I admit that I have been luckier than many others, but I think most will agree that the biggest obstacle we have to overcome is ourselves. Just remember these two simple rules

1 - You are beautiful
2 - If you or anyone else thinks otherwise, refer to rule #1

You can get there, but you must defeat your most powerful enemy -- yourself. This is what all of us had to do to move forward.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on November 09, 2018, 09:28:16 PM
Hi Faith,

  I read this last update and I think it is a good idea. Provided you are able to open up with them and let them help you. You may just be ready to do so now. I don't think it can hurt at least. Well except for the pocketbook. But Hon I am rooting for you to get some good from it. Best wishes and give Lori a warm hug for me.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on November 09, 2018, 09:45:22 PM
Faith, I think starting therapy anew will always be beneficial.  I restarted a couple months ago and it has done me a world of good.  Nothing like having a conversation with someone that unjudgementally understands.

Another good way to help get your head clear is visits with Michelle (Laurie's girlfriend).
Having lunch with her today was the type of head clearing I needed.  I have personally known her from my first day to group therapy and am fortunate to have her as a friend.  It's so very nice to talk to someone that has gone through what may someday be my future.


Hugs and smiles from a California girl
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 09, 2018, 10:00:36 PM
Quote from: Jessica on November 09, 2018, 09:45:22 PM
Faith, I think starting therapy anew will always be beneficial.  I restarted a couple months ago and it has done me a world of good.  Nothing like having a conversation with someone that unjudgementally understands.

Another good way to help get your head clear is visits with Michelle (Laurie's girlfriend).
Having lunch with her today was the type of head clearing I needed.  I have personally known her from my first day to group therapy and am fortunate to have her as a friend.  It's so very nice to talk to someone that has gone through what may someday be my future.


Hugs and smiles from a California girl

@Faith
Dear Faith:
The advice from @Jessica is right on....  seeing your therapist again is an excellent restart for you.   Finding like-minded people to meet with is good too,

if unable to find anyone local... at the very least keep your conversations going here on the forums... we are you biggest fans and we are rooting for you.    Don't listen to that critic that lives in Faith's body......

Hugs and well wishes,
looking forward to your postings and updates.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 10, 2018, 10:20:33 AM
It's a beautiful morning and looks to be an even more beautiful day. Lori and I both home at the same time. The past few weeks our schedules criss-crossed. I really start to lose it without her to ground me. She's at work now but this morning will carry me through.

How? well, we had a moment .. a huge moment. I knew something was missing and it was eating me up. Lori knew something was missing and it was getting to her as well. This morning it was there. A very powerful us moment. We both felt it, we both recognized it, we both cried. ....... no, you dirty minded people, it wasn't sex. It was better.

Take care everyone, it's a glorious day.
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 10, 2018, 11:27:36 AM
You are a lucky girl to have Lori's support!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 10, 2018, 11:35:00 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 10, 2018, 10:20:33 AM
I really start to lose it without her to ground me.

This is important to understand.  I recall soon after I retired that I would really perk up when my wife came home from work.  Even if we weren't in the same room, I could feel her presence and it felt good to me. 

I'll chime in and agree restarting with your counselor visits is a good thing, if for nothing else than to have someone to vent to and bounce ideas off of.  I'm sure you'll make a good go of it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 10, 2018, 03:31:27 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 10, 2018, 11:27:36 AM
You are a lucky girl to have Lori's support!

One of the few things that I don't need reminded of .. but you can do it any time that you want :)

Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on November 10, 2018, 11:35:00 AM
QuoteI really start to lose it without her to ground me.
This is important to understand.  I recall soon after I retired that I would really perk up when my wife came home from work.  Even if we weren't in the same room, I could feel her presence and it felt good to me. 

I'll chime in and agree restarting with your counselor visits is a good thing, if for nothing else than to have someone to vent to and bounce ideas off of.  I'm sure you'll make a good go of it.

For years I was middlin', whether she was home or not, I was ok. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and did then as well, I just didn't 'connect' my feelings, thoughts, wishes with hers. That's not the right way to say what I mean but it'll have to do.

Now, I can't wait to see her, miss her when she's not around, make effort (which is no effort at all) to meet her for lunch, I jump at the chance to go places with her.

Everything I do is centered around 'us' now rather then 'me'.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 10, 2018, 07:00:32 PM
I believe one of the nicer side effects of transitioning is we become much less self centered.  I know its made me a better person.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on November 10, 2018, 11:23:17 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 10, 2018, 10:20:33 AM
It's a beautiful morning and looks to be an even more beautiful day. Lori and I both home at the same time. The past few weeks our schedules criss-crossed. I really start to lose it without her to ground me. She's at work now but this morning will carry me through.

How? well, we had a moment .. a huge moment. I knew something was missing and it was eating me up. Lori knew something was missing and it was getting to her as well. This morning it was there. A very powerful us moment. We both felt it, we both recognized it, we both cried. ....... no, you dirty minded people, it wasn't sex. It was better.

Take care everyone, it's a glorious day.
Faith

I am so happy to see you and Lori make that connection, something you clearly both need and want. Beautiful....

Glad to hear of your earlier post's content regarding your therapist and sharing this thread.

I am sorry for my tardiness in replying to these two important events i have been a little distracted.  :)

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 11, 2018, 08:56:25 AM
Quote from: LizK on November 10, 2018, 11:23:17 PM
I am so happy to see you and Lori make that connection, something you clearly both need and want. Beautiful....

Glad to hear of your earlier post's content regarding your therapist and sharing this thread.

I am sorry for my tardiness in replying to these two important events i have been a little distracted.  :)

Take care

Liz

Liz, you're not tardy. whenever you make an appearance, that's the right time. I can feel you hovering even if you don't post.
Quote"A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to!" - Gandalf

As for Lori and I .. right at that moment of mutual tears, I Looked at her and said, "That's what's been missing'. She told me that what she thinking was, "There you are".

2 years of hanging out, 35 years of marriage. Then, after 1 year of the transplosion, we found each other again.

I hope that those of you struggling with marital stress and trying to stay together, find what we found for the first time, all over again.


does that say what I think it does, I hope so. I'm not sure I worded it correctly
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on November 11, 2018, 08:58:07 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 11, 2018, 08:56:25 AM
Liz, you're not tardy. whenever you make an appearance, that's the right time. I can feel you hovering even if you don't post.

As for Lori and I .. right at that moment of mutual tears, I Looked at her and said, "That's what's been missing'. She told me that what she thinking was, "There you are".

2 years of hanging out, 35 years of marriage. Then, after 1 year of the transplosion, we found each other again.

I hope that those of you struggling with marital stress and  trying to stay together, find what we found for the first time, all over again.


does that say what I think it does, I hope so. I'm not sire I worded it correctly

I pray I reach this moment....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 11, 2018, 01:27:10 PM
Dear Faith! I am so happy for you and Lori. It is these emotional awakening moments between you both that warms the hearts and rekindles your relationship together. Cherish these moments. Keep them close to you heart. You are a beautiful person. Always remember that. You both are wonderful people.

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 11, 2018, 03:34:20 PM
Quote from: Jessica on November 11, 2018, 08:58:07 AM
I pray I reach this moment....

we share your anguish and pray with you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 12, 2018, 07:13:45 AM
It's a new week. I took my Monday-Morning-Selfie .. yeah, ick. So much for that ......

Had a bit of setback yesterday after a mostly good day. I've been very sensitive lately, takes very little to push the 'depression' button. How would that label read? "Depress now to Depress" ?? I'm pretty sure it's due to lack progress but I have no where to go. The only thing that we can afford is the monthly meds. Holding pattern. Why can't I be satisfied with what I have? I already have more than a lot of people get to have.

hmm, a positive moment, we need one.  Let me think ... Oh yeah,

We stopped by Lori's store to do a bit of shopping, she needed to use the restroom (why restroom, you don't rest in there .. do you?). I waited outside with the cart. One of her co-workers came by, one that knew me, and struck up conversation starting with, "You're Lori's friend, right?" .. Why, yes I am :P

Lori talked to him later, he didn't know me, just saw a woman that he thought he recognized. Well he did, sort of.

Why are things so hit-n-miss?

Well, too many people have it worse than me so I'll shut up now
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 12, 2018, 07:35:52 AM
I am sorry that the depression is still getting you.  I admire your strength in looking for the positive.

But I don't think you should "shut up" when the going gets tough.  That is when you most need to post, and when the members here can be the most supportive.  It is easy to cheer and congratulate in the good times, but what is most rewarding and most helpful is to help someone through the rough times.

Quote from: Faith on November 12, 2018, 07:13:45 AMhe didn't know me, just saw a woman that he thought he recognized. Well he did, sort of.
No "sort of" about it, Faith.  He saw a woman he thought he recognized.  Period.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 12, 2018, 05:43:04 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 12, 2018, 07:35:52 AM
I am sorry that the depression is still getting you.  I admire your strength in looking for the positive.
Thank you, I really am trying to stay upbeat and positive .. I fail (flail?) a lot still ....
Quote
But I don't think you should "shut up" when the going gets tough.
Hey now, be nice!  OH, I'm the one that said Shut Up .. nevermind .. :P
Quote
No "sort of" about it, Faith.  He saw a woman he thought he recognized.  Period.
I know, I know. Keep repeating it, someday it might sink in the rest of the way.


Had an odd moment today and almost depressed myself. We all know that not only do others need to learn to gender us correctly, we need to learn to do it for ourselves as well. I've gotten to the point where I avoid self-pronouns in my head and sometimes use the right ones. Today, I'll not describe the why (unless you ask :P) but my response to Lori was, "Hey now, don't do that. They'll blame me" and in my head I said, "They always blame the guy". ARRGGGHH .. I wanted to yell at myself .. in fact, I did *sigh*


I got an email from the therapist asking if I could reschedule my appointment .. to today. Yuppers. So I clocked out early, got home, met with Lori (she was off today), primped a little more and away we went.

It went OK but not as well as I'd hoped. She said she never received my email of the stuff I wanted her to peruse to help with the session. That blew a whole lot of the reason for going right out the window. There was way too much to cover in one hour without prior information. I know her time is valuable but reading it is much faster then describing it.

I covered what I could. It was religion based and she admitted straight up about being personally biased. I knew that, that was the reason I wanted her input. She treats and supports trans clients despite it being against her beliefs. Oh well, maybe in another 6 months.

We did cover some of the GD/BD issues, etc, etc. Overall, I think I could have saved the fee and just talked to Lori some more. Although, I think some of what I said sunk in and solidified a bit more for Lori as I talked to the therapist about it even though I didn't recount anything that Lori hadn't heard before, multiple times.

After that, we retail therapy'ed a bit, treated ourselves to dinner, went grocery shopping. Multitudes of smile, friendly smiley conversation, a few ladies and sweeties. Yes, I was in a good mood this afternoon and still am.

I don't know if it was leaving work early, spending another day with Lori, partly the therapist, the shopping and so on or all of the above. I know I feel a lot better when Lori is around.

There's more I could fill in about the therapist visit. Time for a walk, no time to type. You'll have to wonder and imagine and make up your own stories.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 12, 2018, 06:48:29 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 12, 2018, 07:13:45 AM
Had a bit of setback yesterday after a mostly good day. I've been very sensitive lately, takes very little to push the 'depression' button. How would that label read? "Depress now to Depress" ??
Faith, I'm sorry you are feeling you are having more setbacks. However, I am living the way you are holding on to your sense of humour. You will be fine! You've got this girl!!!

Quote
I'm pretty sure it's due to lack progress but I have no where to go. The only thing that we can afford is the monthly meds. Holding pattern. Why can't I be satisfied with what I have? I already have more than a lot of people get to have.
Feeling stuck due to lack of progress sucks. That's when you have to think beyond your emotions and remind yourself of how much progress you have made in a relatively short time. You are still taking your meds, so progress has not stopped. As long as you keep taking your meds, progress will continue to happen. You will continue to physically change, becoming more and more feminine every day. Stay strong and dig deep to find those positive thoughts to get you through the harder times. And don't forget your Susan's fan club is here to help lift you up when you feel down. We have a unique understanding of what you are going through.


Quote
hmm, a positive moment, we need one.  Let me think ... Oh yeah,

We stopped by Lori's store to do a bit of shopping, she needed to use the restroom (why restroom, you don't rest in there .. do you?). I waited outside with the cart. One of her co-workers came by, one that knew me, and struck up conversation starting with, "You're Lori's friend, right?" .. Why, yes I am :P

Lori talked to him later, he didn't know me, just saw a woman that he thought he recognized. Well he did, sort of.

Why are things so hit-n-miss?

Well, too many people have it worse than me so I'll shut up now
Faith
Great positive moment with Lori's coworker.

You're doing great Faith! Hang in there and keep your updates coming. Happy or not so happy posts.....you have a strong following here at Susan's and we want to know how you are going.

Hugs from down under.
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 12, 2018, 06:55:30 PM
Quote from: Jayne01 on November 12, 2018, 06:48:29 PM
... Hugs from down under ...
um, you're huggin' my butt. could you flip right-side up please?

oo .. or eww, your choice ... that doesn't sound right at all .. Ima leaving it typed in there anyways. You can laugh at my poor choice of words :D
...
...
...
well, I hope you laugh in any case :-\
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jayne01 on November 13, 2018, 05:16:57 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 12, 2018, 06:55:30 PM
um, you're huggin' my butt. could you flip right-side up please?

oo .. or eww, your choice ... that doesn't sound right at all .. Ima leaving it typed in there anyways. You can laugh at my poor choice of words :D
...
...
...
well, I hope you laugh in any case :-\
Yes, I am laughing. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 13, 2018, 06:16:58 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 12, 2018, 07:13:45 AM
It's a new week. I took my Monday-Morning-Selfie .. yeah, ick. So much for that ......

So today is a new day and even the crappy morning drivers that added 15 mins to my drive in to work can't ruin it .. I hope. That said, I am revisiting my 'Monday-Morning-Selfie' and have decided to post it. We are not all about the best moments but about our worst ones as well. Yesterday was far from the worst and ended up great. Never judge the day by the morning.

Here's my 'Monday-Morning-Selfie' from yesterday with a couple bonus pictures from a few minutes ago today.

(https://i.imgur.com/ub60Fh1.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/VA7cpEL.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/YqxxTQ1.jpg)

I'm sure you can see why I didn't like yesterday's photo.

that's it.  I have nothing to add yet today, it's too early.

Faith

ps
HI STEPH!!!!
hmm, Steph looks weird in all caps.
STEPHANIE!!!
yep, that looks better. Always yell the whole name.
.
.
.
.
oh, I suppose I should say hi to that upside-down person. She's batty but what can you do.
.
.
.
Oh and HI to .. well, crap, there's too many names.
HI EVERYONE!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 13, 2018, 06:24:10 AM
OK, all together now: HI, FAITH!

Thank you for posting your pics.  The one on the left looks a bit hesitant, but quite feminine.  I love the smile on the one on the right.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: BrianaJ on November 13, 2018, 07:25:49 AM
Hi Faith, I think you look great in both.  You smile is better in the other two but still, you're lookin good. 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 13, 2018, 08:04:58 AM
Quote from: BrianaJ on November 13, 2018, 07:25:49 AM
Hi Faith, I think you look great in both.  You smile is better in the other two but still, you're lookin good.

Hi Briana, welcome to my roller-coaster corner. As noted, I have trouble seeing much good in my own pictures, they mock me :( I do try to accept other peoples opinions and views on the matter (apparently mine can't be trusted) so ... Thank you for your nice compliment(s). :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on November 13, 2018, 08:10:24 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 13, 2018, 06:24:10 AM
OK, all together now: HI, FAITH!

HI, FAITH!

Looking cute!


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 13, 2018, 09:14:31 AM
HI FAITH!

Very cute! love the tops too. And no I don't understand why you didn't like yesterdays picture.

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on November 13, 2018, 03:00:50 PM
That umber/orange top looks great with your skin tone and hair.  Nice choice! The black w/sequins top looks like a classic holiday item.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on November 13, 2018, 04:14:16 PM
There she is [emoji16] and looking fabulous..you be careful talking about your upside down friends, we know where you are!!


We better watch this one Jayne...lol....you never know, they all come from.....up there....(queue spooky music)




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: natalie.ashlyne on November 13, 2018, 10:22:54 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 13, 2018, 06:16:58 AM
So today is a new day and even the crappy morning drivers that added 15 mins to my drive in to work can't ruin it .. I hope. That said, I am revisiting my 'Monday-Morning-Selfie' and have decided to post it. We are not all about the best moments but about our worst ones as well. Yesterday was far from the worst and ended up great. Never judge the day by the morning.

Here's my 'Monday-Morning-Selfie' from yesterday with a couple bonus pictures from a few minutes ago today.

(https://i.imgur.com/ub60Fh1.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/VA7cpEL.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/YqxxTQ1.jpg)

I'm sure you can see why I didn't like yesterday's photo.

that's it.  I have nothing to add yet today, it's too early.

Faith

ps
HI STEPH!!!!
hmm, Steph looks weird in all caps.
STEPHANIE!!!
yep, that looks better. Always yell the whole name.
.
.
.
.
oh, I suppose I should say hi to that upside-down person. She's batty but what can you do.
.
.
.
Oh and HI to .. well, crap, there's too many names.
HI EVERYONE!!

I have to say you are looking very pretty Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 14, 2018, 06:13:26 AM
Quote from: Donica on November 13, 2018, 09:14:31 AM
... no I don't understand why you didn't like yesterdays picture ...
It's all him

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 13, 2018, 08:10:24 AM... Looking cute! ...
Cute? What am I, 9? I'm at least 15-16 thank you very much. :D
ps.
No, I have very few age inappropriate articles of clothing. I do eyeball them when shopping though.

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 13, 2018, 06:24:10 AM...Thank you for posting your pics.  The one on the left looks a bit hesitant, but quite feminine.  I love the smile on the one on the right.

Oh, Hey Kathy. I did read your post. I didn't want you to feel left out. have some flowers  :icon_bunch:

Quote from: Michelle_P on November 13, 2018, 03:00:50 PM
That umber/orange top looks great with your skin tone and hair.  Nice choice! The black w/sequins top looks like a classic holiday item.

Thanks Michelle. The black top is actually two tops. a sheer one with sparkleies over a solid black.

Quote from: LizK on November 13, 2018, 04:14:16 PM
There she is [emoji16] and looking fabulous..
awwww  :icon_redface:
Quoteyou be careful talking about your upside down friends, we know where you are!!
waddayagonnado? poke me in the toe? Maybe you will, but the big hug would come first.
QuoteWe better watch this one Jayne...lol....you never know, they all come from.....up there....(queue spooky music)
(https://i.imgur.com/gPJzM2Zt.jpg)

Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on November 13, 2018, 10:22:54 PM
I have to say you are looking very pretty Faith

HiYa Natalie, welcome back into my corner. Thank you for saying that. I don't think I can keep up with your selfies though. Us old people break cameras.




phew, that's takes care of catch-up replies, I think.

Last night we went to the park jam for a bit. We took a long walk around the water's edge first. When we got back, we just sat at a far table and listened for a bit. I did not have any urge to sing or play. I am still having trouble with being around one person, 'friend' that can't accept because it's against scripture. He caught Lori as we were leaving and told her something along the lines of, "we love you guys and miss you coming around". For me, sorry, I can't hang around people that claim to be friends but cannot accept who I am. I was already lightly bummed last night, it didn't make anything worse.

Another actual friend chased me down, she was like, "You can't get away without a hug". Very sweet lady. Her and I started singing in front of people around the same time at that same park. Shakes and sweats and forgotten words. Shared history :P

That's it. Too early yet for anything to happen today, give it 5 more minutes I think.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 14, 2018, 06:23:23 AM
addendum.

I posted a new topic about shadow pictures. As with most new topics I try to start, it went no where. So I'm going to share it here. I really just wanted people to see my shadow picture from Monday, I should have just stuck to my own thread from the start.

I don't cross-post so here a link to the thread with the pic.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242437.msg2193988.html#msg2193988 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242437.msg2193988.html#msg2193988)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on November 14, 2018, 08:40:29 AM
The Monday selfies look fine Faith. 

I think we tend to look for flaws when looking at ourselves rather than the whole image, which is what everyone is seeing.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 15, 2018, 06:18:05 AM
I do look at the overall, overall I see him. I tried to see her last night, it almost broke me. I held the wall for a little bit until my head cleared. It didn't help that I was already emotion heavy because Lori was watching a tear-jerker movie. Didn't bother me .. nope .. it didn't ..  ::)



which reminds me of ...


... delayed reactions

How to approach this without detail ... hmm ... Lori and I aren't completely celibate, just long (sometimes very long) intermissions. Obviously with the turn of events of the past year it has created quite the learning curve along with acceptance.

My ¿problem? stems not from the act (uncomfortable physically but not impossible) in which I had no issue with certain bits. No, my problem was after. Seeing myself in a, umm, semi-state? really threw me for a loop. I had to lean my head on the wall for many minutes that time.

How do you come to terms?
**that's a rhetorical question!!**

Since any types of surgeries are not an option, I have to learn to accept myself as-is. I'm really struggling with that.


No no, I am not in a down mood. I actually feel pretty good this morning ... even though I'm stuck in jeans and shirt. No, I'm just trying to work out some of the things that irk me about myself.

...
...
work interruption TBC, maybe
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 15, 2018, 07:45:22 AM
... back, Work should be outlawed, just sayin'
...
where was I .. oh, good mood ... déjà vu, haven't I typed this before? Who cares ...
...
I tried to take a selfie. I thought, maybe if I change my profile picture on a daily basis as some are wont to do, that things might improve over time. Well unless something dramatically changes that won't happen. I am one of the least photogenic people I know and it's compounded, in a bad way, if I try to take the photo myself.

Maybe a silhouette with a text overlay:
<Insert Glamorous Photo here>
?? ??
I think I'll try that .....

... edit ...

I'm back, again. Tried it .. nope, It didn't improve things one iota. I don't even take a good picture all blacked out :-\
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 15, 2018, 10:05:41 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/ALPob5et.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on November 15, 2018, 10:24:12 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 15, 2018, 10:05:41 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/ALPob5et.jpg)

I'm here in the void and I hear you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 15, 2018, 10:56:09 AM
Faith, I don't comment much because it seems that my comments aren't very helpful.  But I do read your thread regularly.  I am here, and I am not going anywhere.  Feel free to PM me any time you want.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 15, 2018, 11:09:39 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 15, 2018, 10:24:12 AM
I'm here in the void and I hear you.

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 15, 2018, 10:56:09 AM
Faith, I don't comment much because it seems that my comments aren't very helpful.  But I do read your thread regularly.  I am here, and I am not going anywhere.  Feel free to PM me any time you want.

HEY ! .. it's just me. It's how I feel in general at times, not necessarily here on the forums (although that can get a bit echo'y at times as well). I had also considered posting a different picture, possible copyright and all. I don't want to get cut off from the forum unless I do it to myself. I'm the last person to have a right to complain about no posts considering I rarely post anywhere but my own thread. I do complain though, it's one of the few things that I am good at doing.

And helpful comments? Always.
Solutions? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but all welcome.

Like I said, I really don't feel all that bad today. I did have a moment when a co-worker referenced me by my old name as I was walking by ... grrrr ... I'm over it already.

I take it, though, that the 'void' photo is not a profile picture candidate?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on November 15, 2018, 11:13:20 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 15, 2018, 11:09:39 AM
HEY ! .. it's just me. It's how I feel in general at times, not necessarily here on the forums (although that can get a bit echo'y at times as well). I had also considered posting a different picture, possible copyright and all. I don't want to get cut off from the forum unless I do it to myself. I'm the last person to have a right to complain about no posts considering I rarely post anywhere but my own thread. I do complain though, it's one of the few things that I am good at doing.

And helpful comments? Always.
Solutions? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but all welcome.

Like I said, I really don't feel all that bad today. I did have a moment when a co-worker referenced me by my old name as I was walking by ... grrrr ... I'm over it already.

I take it, though, that the 'void' photo is not a profile picture candidate?

I'm glad to hear your day is going better than it seemed from that quote. But if things do go south, don't forget that you don't have to wait until you're spiraling to call on your friends.

Click or call; operators are on duty.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 15, 2018, 11:46:22 AM
<<<FAITH!!! :icon_bunch:>>>
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 15, 2018, 11:48:46 AM
Quote from: Donica on November 15, 2018, 11:46:22 AM
<<<FAITH!!! :icon_bunch:>>>

Flowers, for me? What'd you do? It's either that or you want something .....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 15, 2018, 11:59:52 AM
Haha! No, they're just for being you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 15, 2018, 12:00:56 PM
Quote from: Donica on November 15, 2018, 11:59:52 AM
Haha! No, they're just for being you.

strange, they don't look black and dying .... :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 16, 2018, 06:20:16 AM
Yesterday turned bad by the time I got home. I can't handle weather changes. Cold or hot is ok but the change causes a change in pressure and takes it's toll. It feels like a 300 lb weight on my head, lots of pressure, can't focus, can't concentrate, easily frustrated. Couple that with my transition woes and that makes for a very bad evening. My whole thought was to wear ugly jeans (if I could find any) baggy shirt, and sneakers to work today.

Lori, after I picked her up from work, didn't give up or avoid me (as used to be the norm when this happened to him). She just kept being herself, sat with me after a bit, coaxed me into talking (which he would never do). By the time we were ready for bed, I was in a good mood. All the crap gone (well, except some of the pressure)

I love my wife




Dress code .. well, suffice to say I did not wear the planned outfit. To commemorate I will share a quick photo of what I see reflected in one of the work windows each time I walk by. Not quite natural since I had to stop and hold my phone up for the picture. To be honest, some days that reflection hates me. Most of the time it's very favorable even when mirrors aren't.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FvDRFPWo.jpg&hash=51ab10ce48864c1a9ce5a118eadea9b5ad1d66ab) (https://imgur.com/vDRFPWo)

click it for a bigger view (takes you to imgur)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Nicole70 on November 16, 2018, 06:39:42 AM
Hi Faith,

Sorry you've had a few bumps in the road this week, but glad you found yourself again with Lori's help yesterday evening, you are very lucky to have her but we can all see that you know that and love her deeply.

The reflection in the window is all woman, you are looking really great at the moment.

I hope you have a good weekend.

Hugs Nicole
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 16, 2018, 07:10:10 AM
Quote from: Nicole70 on November 16, 2018, 06:39:42 AM
Hi Faith,

Sorry you've had a few bumps in the road this week, but glad you found yourself again with Lori's help yesterday evening, you are very lucky to have her but we can all see that you know that and love her deeply.

The reflection in the window is all woman, you are looking really great at the moment.

I hope you have a good weekend.

Hugs Nicole

Thank you Nicole. That particular reflection is mostly favorable so I walk that way a lot :D
Support ... It is, as you said in your thread, great to have the support of family.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 16, 2018, 03:15:47 PM
I'm glad your feeling better Faith. I used to have issues with my sinuses during weather changes until I found salt water works wonders for this. Saline, A magical solution.

I favor my image in windows too. I'm ok with a mirror for the most part but I don't like pictures. I'm just not very photogenic. I always check myself out when entering buildings with glass doors and windows. I usually like what I see.

Hugs girl!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 16, 2018, 03:25:15 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
We all require support during our transition journey...before and after... and in life in general. 
No better people to get that from other than loving family members and spouses.

I am so very happy for you... your updates are always a nice way to follow your life events which allows your followers to root for you and to be "with" you when you may need it most.
We are your biggest fans ....

As always, thank you for sharing your thoughts with your Forums friends.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 16, 2018, 03:54:43 PM
Well, we'll see how things turn out. I have impending bad, or good, or middlin' all depending.

It seems that gossip has been running slow. We have our invite to Lori's Brother's &sis-in-law's for Thanksgiving. Yesterday they 'found out' and the sis-in-law had "a few questions". Those few revolved around how Lori was doing. I asked Lori if she told them that I am open for questions or if she gave them 'the letter' to read. She said no.

Tonight, if it works out, I want Lori to take them the letter. If they have questions, I'll go over after to answer.  If they don't want to see me and want to uninvite from Thanksgiving, so be it.

drama .. sheesh

no, it's not bothering me as far as they are concerned, I am concerned about Lori if they are totally unaccepting. This is her favorite brother .. yeah, I know .. no favorites  ::) .. I rarely see them except to say Hi if we cross while shopping or something.

Shopping, that's probably where they heard. We bumped into their daughter and family at Walmart .. I was in my skirt still made up from work. Then again, they did sit near us one day at IHOP. A little of both likely.

I feeling good, sitting here munching my olives and drinking orange juice. In a few minutes I'll be taking my nightly girl-pills.

I go get Lori at 6 then we go get the car from the shop. After that, we'll see.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 16, 2018, 04:02:30 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Wishing you well with your Thanksgiving and Family drama and suspense.  You have the right attitude about your transition journey.... you have to do what you have to do to make your happy... I am very glad that Lori is tuned into your desires and that she is supporting you. 

I trust that no matter what happens with her favorite brother and sis-in-law that all will be well.
Keep us updated......

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 17, 2018, 09:17:23 AM
it went exactly as I expected. Not only do they not accept (that was a given) they point blank said that they would continue to call me John and no other name. Trying and forgetting/getting it wrong I can deal with, refusal I do not accept at all.

Not accepting because of your beliefs I can accept as well, you can't force or convince someone. They have to come to their own terms, or not. Refusing to use my name .. my chosen name .. is simply disrespectful and I do not accept that.

Even though they said that I'm still welcome, I refuse to go over there. I will be sitting home alone on Thanksgiving. Lori can stay or go, her choice. I'll not keep her from visiting her family. I did ask her to refuse to talk about me if they bring it up. She can tell anyone that asks the real reason that I am not there.

today sucks, well it started last night. I did not sleep well. I'm trying not to let it get me down. I'm more irritated than anything. I would say mad but for some reason I can't seem to get mad about it.

I hope all y'alls day is the inverse of mine.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 17, 2018, 09:52:39 AM
Well <not allowed>, that sucks!  I think you are right that one can (reluctantly) accept sincere nonacceptance, but not outright disrespect.

I am so sorry that you have this drama in your extended family.  I am glad that you have Lori's support.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 17, 2018, 10:53:44 AM
I'm so sorry to hear that Faith. My next door neighbor is like that. We don't speak anymore, which is fine with me. I think it would be more fun (if Lori decides to stay home) for the two of you share the intimacy of preparing your own Thanksgiving dinner. I always loved cooking together in the kitchen with my ex. I cook my own Thanksgiving dinners these days. I've gotten pretty good at it. Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving holiday Faith!

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on November 17, 2018, 11:24:54 AM
Faith, I am sorry to read this, but there is absolutely no reason to associate with people who will actively be hurtful and disrespectful towards you.

If you will be left alone on Thanksgiving, consider going to a community Thanksgiving event with a welcoming and accepting group.  Locally our LGBTQ Center is hosting a Thanksgiving event, as are a few welcoming and accepting church groups.  (I'll be carving turkeys and serving my vegan/gluten free sweet potato casserole at a Unitarian Universalist Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday.)

Being with others at this time of year beats sitting alone with a turkey TV dinner watching an old movie.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 17, 2018, 11:40:41 AM
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 17, 2018, 11:24:54 AM
Faith, I am sorry to read this, but there is absolutely no reason to associate with people who will actively be hurtful and disrespectful towards you.

If you will be left alone on Thanksgiving, consider going to a community Thanksgiving event with a welcoming and accepting group.  Locally our LGBTQ Center is hosting a Thanksgiving event, as are a few welcoming and accepting church groups.  (I'll be carving turkeys and serving my vegan/gluten free sweet potato casserole at a Unitarian Universalist Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday.)

Being with others at this time of year beats sitting alone with a turkey TV dinner watching an old movie.

@Faith    cc: @Michelle_P
Dear Faith:
Possibly unfortunately you may be alone if you don't make some advance tentative and alternative Thanksgiving plans.
.   
The suggestion from @Michelle_P is a good thing to consider.

I have been away from home for 2 years and living up here all by myself but I have been able to arrange to celebrate these big holiday meal events with people from my club and civic groups, good friends, and now with my suitors of course.   Some of these potluck meal events have been so enjoyable.

I am wishing you well as your deal with all of this...  and Happy Thanksgiving to you and Lori.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 17, 2018, 07:35:45 PM
thanks for the concern. I'm really OK .. hurt feeling mostly but like I said, not unexpected. The refusal to use my name I didn't expect, mistakes yes, refusal, no. Since I rarely see them, seeing them less won't matter one bit.

Lori will likely go for a bit, it is her family. I ask her to please, if they ask about John, to reply with something like, "Faith is ......" It'll help make a point.

As for Thanksgiving, it's just a day. We have our thanksgiving with immediate family planned for Sunday at our house. Unlikely that I'll miss that one :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 19, 2018, 08:36:32 AM
Today is just .. wrong .. I don't know that I can verbalize it.

To start, I am sitting here at work, no makeup, jeans, basic button-up shirt, hair tied back and tucked under my shirt. When I left the house this morning I am sure that I looked like 'old me' (emphasis on old). I'm pretty sure that Lori was holding back tears when she said good-bye as I headed out to work, likely because I looked like my old self. I'm pondering getting a few more basic button-ups to wear with my jeans. I don't think that I have enough right now.

I'm waffling between morose and crying and a mixture of the two.

I'm decent looking for an old guy, dressed up all girly I look like an old guy dressed up all girly. Might as well drop the girly and just be what I am, an old guy.

I'm putting Lori through all kinds of crap. What kind of person am I to do that to one of the best, no the best, person that I know? Don't answer that, I already know.

This is not about other peoples opinions, to hell with them. I could care less about idiot SfB's that can't see past their own bigotry and insecurities to be able to see the world in all it's glorious diversity.

No, this is about me. It's about who I am. It's about what I was. It's about where I'm headed. I feel I should quit trying, stick to plain outfits, let people see whatever the hell they want to see.

I will not stop taking my meds. They make me feel so much better and, more importantly,  make me a better person.

I need to make room in my dresser for different shirts. I don't have room, I'll have to bag some things up for goodwill.

Then, just as my thoughts solidified, someone walked in and called me Faith. What they asked is unimportant, the fact that they called me Faith several times is.

Hearing that, I know who I am. Unfortunately for me, to Lori I am John. She doesn't want it changed, she loves John. Me? I never liked the name, it wasn't me, isn't me .. to the most important person in the world, John is me, Faith isn't.

I'm stuck running in circles like a dog chasing his tail ... no, that's not right ... At least the dog can see what he's chasing.

I think it's time to throw in the towel, I don't even know why I'm posting. I should reset my password to one that I don't know and change the email on my account to one that doesn't work. Maybe that will keep me out of here. I'm just wasting time anyways.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on November 19, 2018, 08:56:47 AM
My dear Faith -

It was heartbreaking to read you last two larger posts. Please don't give up! think about the great moment at work when you have been truly accepted as who you are. Lori stands by you, no matter what her family says and you have accomplished so much recently.

I think we all have these days where we don't dress up and there is this old person peaking through. But that does not change who we are today. You are Faith, a beautiful woman. These moments come and these moments go. They get less frequent over time. Lori's reaction is just her feeling your pain today.

You have been through a lot in recent days and even though you try not to let it get to you, it is just very natural. Many here - including me - would be very honored to have you over for Thanksgiving. And even if Lori sees her family, I am sure she is heartbroken about you not being there with her and she will be back in no time.

Stay strong, look at the bright moments (like being called Faith at work) and please do not leve this forum. We are all here to help and support you!

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Faith on November 19, 2018, 08:36:32 AM
Today is just .. wrong .. I don't know that I can verbalize it.

To start, I am sitting here at work, no makeup, jeans, basic button-up shirt, hair tied back and tucked under my shirt. When I left the house this morning I am sure that I looked like 'old me' (emphasis on old). I'm pretty sure that Lori was holding back tears when she said good-bye as I headed out to work, likely because I looked like my old self. I'm pondering getting a few more basic button-ups to wear with my jeans. I don't think that I have enough right now.

I'm waffling between morose and crying and a mixture of the two.

I'm decent looking for an old guy, dressed up all girly I look like an old guy dressed up all girly. Might as well drop the girly and just be what I am, an old guy.

I'm putting Lori through all kinds of crap. What kind of person am I to do that to one of the best, no the best, person that I know? Don't answer that, I already know.

This is not about other peoples opinions, to hell with them. I could care less about idiot SfB's that can't see past their own bigotry and insecurities to be able to see the world in all it's glorious diversity.

No, this is about me. It's about who I am. It's about what I was. It's about where I'm headed. I feel I should quit trying, stick to plain outfits, let people see whatever the hell they want to see.

I will not stop taking my meds. They make me feel so much better and, more importantly,  make me a better person.

I need to make room in my dresser for different shirts. I don't have room, I'll have to bag some things up for goodwill.

Then, just as my thoughts solidified, someone walked in and called me Faith. What they asked is unimportant, the fact that they called me Faith several times is.

Hearing that, I know who I am. Unfortunately for me, to Lori I am John. She doesn't want it changed, she loves John. Me? I never liked the name, it wasn't me, isn't me .. to the most important person in the world, John is me, Faith isn't.

I'm stuck running in circles like a dog chasing his tail ... no, that's not right ... At least the dog can see what he's chasing.

I think it's time to throw in the towel, I don't even know why I'm posting. I should reset my password to one that I don't know and change the email on my account to one that doesn't work. Maybe that will keep me out of here. I'm just wasting time anyways.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on November 19, 2018, 09:11:15 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 19, 2018, 08:36:32 AM
Today is just .. wrong .. I don't know that I can verbalize it.

To start, I am sitting here at work, no makeup, jeans, basic button-up shirt, hair tied back and tucked under my shirt. When I left the house this morning I am sure that I looked like 'old me' (emphasis on old). I'm pretty sure that Lori was holding back tears when she said good-bye as I headed out to work, likely because I looked like my old self. I'm pondering getting a few more basic button-ups to wear with my jeans. I don't think that I have enough right now.

I'm waffling between morose and crying and a mixture of the two.

I'm decent looking for an old guy, dressed up all girly I look like an old guy dressed up all girly. Might as well drop the girly and just be what I am, an old guy.

I'm putting Lori through all kinds of crap. What kind of person am I to do that to one of the best, no the best, person that I know? Don't answer that, I already know.

This is not about other peoples opinions, to hell with them. I could care less about idiot SfB's that can't see past their own bigotry and insecurities to be able to see the world in all it's glorious diversity.

No, this is about me. It's about who I am. It's about what I was. It's about where I'm headed. I feel I should quit trying, stick to plain outfits, let people see whatever the hell they want to see.

I will not stop taking my meds. They make me feel so much better and, more importantly,  make me a better person.

I need to make room in my dresser for different shirts. I don't have room, I'll have to bag some things up for goodwill.

Then, just as my thoughts solidified, someone walked in and called me Faith. What they asked is unimportant, the fact that they called me Faith several times is.

Hearing that, I know who I am. Unfortunately for me, to Lori I am John. She doesn't want it changed, she loves John. Me? I never liked the name, it wasn't me, isn't me .. to the most important person in the world, John is me, Faith isn't.

I'm stuck running in circles like a dog chasing his tail ... no, that's not right ... At least the dog can see what he's chasing.

I think it's time to throw in the towel, I don't even know why I'm posting. I should reset my password to one that I don't know and change the email on my account to one that doesn't work. Maybe that will keep me out of here. I'm just wasting time anyways.

Faith, I'm so sad reading this.  There are parallels between us and I feel your distress.  I have two wardrobes that I work with that allows me into both gender worlds.  Why?  Because of social needs.  My SO also desires the old me, though she loves me for who I am.  We are working through compromises that will create a relationship we are both comfortable with.  At this point, I will not stop my medications, because they too make me feel so much better, but will strive to find the feminine androgynous look that may work for both of us on a regular basis, while having an outlet for my more feminine side with my approving friends.
I'm not sure what the outcome will be in the end for myself and my wife, but I know after loving this person for 38 years my love for her won't fail and consider it paramount to my happiness.
Both my old self and Jessica are the same person, the only difference is what I wear at different situations.  So I hold onto both personas and I am able to hold onto that happiness.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 19, 2018, 09:44:59 AM
To all of the "work in progress" transistioners reading about the trials and emotions of our lovely member @Faith and also our other members with similar life stories...

.... I offer my empathy, support, and encouragement for you to continue on and find within yourself the determination and fortitude to reach for your own personal success in your journey however you personally define it in your own situations.

Bumps in the road, setbacks, frustrations and various family situations are something that all of us deal with no matter how successful we appear.

Hang in there and strive in your struggles to stay on course.
Hugs and well wishes as always.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Susan Baum on November 19, 2018, 12:33:33 PM
@Faith,
I think most of us here have felt the distress and despair you have so eloquently summed up here
No, this is about me. It's about who I am. It's about what I was. It's about where I'm headed. I feel I should quit trying, stick to plain outfits, let people see whatever the hell they want to see.

I will not stop taking my meds. They make me feel so much better and, more importantly,  make me a better person.


and again here
I'm stuck running in circles like a dog chasing his tail ... no, that's not right ... At least the dog can see what he's chasing.

I think it's time to throw in the towel, I don't even know why I'm posting. I should reset my password to one that I don't know and change the email on my account to one that doesn't work. Maybe that will keep me out of here. I'm just wasting time anyways.


Please Faith, don't "throw in the towel" or give up on letting the "real" you become lost in the maelstrom of other people's opinions and prejudices. Lori loves YOU and has gone far beyond what someone who just loves <who?> would do or say to help you in your transition. Relatives notwithstanding, that is something to truly be thankful for.

Susan
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: DiLoris on November 19, 2018, 09:09:58 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 19, 2018, 08:36:32 AM
Today is just .. wrong .. I don't know that I can verbalize it.

To start, I am sitting here at work, no makeup, jeans, basic button-up shirt, hair tied back and tucked under my shirt. When I left the house this morning I am sure that I looked like 'old me' (emphasis on old). I'm pretty sure that Lori was holding back tears when she said good-bye as I headed out to work, likely because I looked like my old self. I'm pondering getting a few more basic button-ups to wear with my jeans. I don't think that I have enough right now.

I'm waffling between morose and crying and a mixture of the two.

I'm decent looking for an old guy, dressed up all girly I look like an old guy dressed up all girly. Might as well drop the girly and just be what I am, an old guy.

I'm putting Lori through all kinds of crap. What kind of person am I to do that to one of the best, no the best, person that I know? Don't answer that, I already know.

This is not about other peoples opinions, to hell with them. I could care less about idiot SfB's that can't see past their own bigotry and insecurities to be able to see the world in all it's glorious diversity.

No, this is about me. It's about who I am. It's about what I was. It's about where I'm headed. I feel I should quit trying, stick to plain outfits, let people see whatever the hell they want to see.

I will not stop taking my meds. They make me feel so much better and, more importantly,  make me a better person.

I need to make room in my dresser for different shirts. I don't have room, I'll have to bag some things up for goodwill.

Then, just as my thoughts solidified, someone walked in and called me Faith. What they asked is unimportant, the fact that they called me Faith several times is.

Hearing that, I know who I am. Unfortunately for me, to Lori I am John. She doesn't want it changed, she loves John. Me? I never liked the name, it wasn't me, isn't me .. to the most important person in the world, John is me, Faith isn't.

I'm stuck running in circles like a dog chasing his tail ... no, that's not right ... At least the dog can see what he's chasing.

I think it's time to throw in the towel, I don't even know why I'm posting. I should reset my password to one that I don't know and change the email on my account to one that doesn't work. Maybe that will keep me out of here. I'm just wasting time anyways.


Not sure where or how to respond. But you are not giving up on this thread. Or on us. We have made so much progress in our relationship, and i love both sides of you. To me you are an amazing person. You are so talented and seam the happiest when you are playing music. That person is still very much apart of you.

















Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 19, 2018, 10:53:59 PM
Quote from: DiLoris on November 19, 2018, 09:09:58 PM

Not sure where or how to respond. But you are not giving up on this thread. Or on us. We have made so much progress in our relationship, and i love both sides of you. To me you are an amazing person. You are so talented and seam the happiest when you are playing music. That person is still very much apart of you.

@DiLoris    cc: @Faith
Dear Lori:
I second that motion....   thanks for chiming in on Faith's thread and affirming the positive and encouraging reply comments from Faith's follwers in response to her "disturbing" posting.
WE LOVE YOU FAITH   [emoji173]

Hugs and hugs for both of you ladies.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 20, 2018, 06:20:03 AM
(sorry, @mentions don't work for me)

Sarah and Jessica .. thank you for sharing the similarities. I follow both of your topics, sharing your struggles. I'm my own worst enemy, that's for sure. Yes, I have a lot churning in my head. It gets overwhelming at times ... all the time? I worry over so many things that may happen, could happen, that I get lost in it. I need to concentrate on 'what is'

Susan, yeah, I know .. *sigh* what can I say, I'm a drama queen. Yes, I say all the time, ignore what people think, ignore those outside my immediate circle, ignore .. ignore .. and it fills my head until that's all I can think about. Then I fall down.

I may feel a bit better today but yesterday the world was ending, rephrase, my world was ending. I'm worn out from ups and downs ... why can't I stay up?

Danielle, what's to say. I do love all of you as well. I don't know where I'd be without this forum to fall back on. This forum was my first stepping stone on my journey to find Faith. The search goes on but we're narrowing in.

Lori is my rock. Yeah, that's an over-used metaphor but it's also true. Without her I'd be in shambles right now. She helped me, via talking, search out and welcome my true self even against her own misgivings. It was always about what makes me happy and better and comfortable with myself. I was always a better person because of her, it's even more true now.

Her little reply note .. hmm, yeah, that was nothing compared to what she said to me after she read my post. No no, I was berated, well, not in the manner that you'd think. It started with a very serious hug. Then I was severely chastised *sigh*

Am I still worried? yep. Am I still scared? yep. At least today I am optimistic again.

I can't promise that I won't spiral down again though. It stems from holding back, I know I'm still holding back. I can''t get past the fear that I'll change too much and end up alone. I'm worthless alone. So, I hold back.

what a mess

I need more coffee .....

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on November 20, 2018, 01:14:56 PM
@Faith .......I still have my bouts with 'wth' once in a while, but one thing that always focuses my resolve is asking myself....
"Would I have regret if I stopped and what would have it have been like if I didn't?"
Along with telling myself.......... "No Jess, these medications help you!"

Big hugs, Jess
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 20, 2018, 04:37:55 PM
Hey Jessica,

Regret if I stopped? .. it would be bad. Stopping? Going back? Not an option. Lori and I share that 100%. We may still have things to work out, that isn't one of them.

As an aside, in a seemingly full swing counter-point to yesterday, today I felt full feminine, no maleness issues at all. In fact, this afternoon was the most 'girlie' that I've ever felt. I was bouncing and practically giggling.

I'm so messed up :-\
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 20, 2018, 04:53:39 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 20, 2018, 04:37:55 PM
Hey Jessica,

Regret if I stopped? .. it would be bad. Stopping? Going back? Not an option. Lori and I share that 100%. We may still have things to work out, that isn't one of them.

As an aside, in a seemingly full swing counter-point to yesterday, today I felt full feminine, no maleness issues at all. In fact, this afternoon was the most 'girlie' that I've ever felt. I was bouncing and practically giggling.

I'm so messed up :-\

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Not messed up at all... you may just be experiencing mood swings that many females go through from time to time....  (*sometimes on a monthly basis !!!)  ???  LOL  ;)

I am so glad that you are doing so well today.... remember these good moments as they will help you to get through your temporary not-so-good times.

Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and well wishes as you continue on.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 20, 2018, 10:35:57 PM
I'm told repeatedly that I have avid followers, I'm sorry that you don't have anything better to do with your time. So, Here's an update to waste a few minutes with.

WAAAAAY back on Dec 22nd (posted about it on the 23rd HERE  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,232060.0.html)) I finally expressed myself openly and vocally. Since then I have not. For one reason or another I'd hold back, not say it, not think it. No admission, leave an escape route.

Yesterday I had a meltdown, as evidenced by my post, today marked a new day. Something changed, something let loose. I was happy, giggly, bouncy even (as I stated a couple posts back). Tonight Lori and I had planned to be somewhere, she came home arms ladened with supplies to make a dessert to take to work. No problem, we'll go after she's done. It got later and later, I got tired and sleepy. She finally came and asked if we were going. Now? It's too late now. I need to get a shower. She's like, ok I'll find something else to do .. you go take your shower.

I went in the bedroom and just sat on the edge of the bed, rocking back and forth trying not to cry. I'm thinking, I disappointed her by not wanting to go this late (8pm is bedtime people!). She came in and, well, laughed a bit, held me, told me it's Ok, go get a shower .. you get the idea. So, I did. After the shower is when it hit.

I'm on the couch, she's reading some "Susan's" posts that I left open for her. It led to some discussions, nothing new. I made her come over on the couch so I could hear (deaf in one ear) and not get a krink in my neck. More discussions, some of this, some of that. We settled into a semi upright sitting position sharing a pillow, heads touching and just talked. Magic talk.

I relaxed, she relaxed, most importantly my brain relaxed. The course of the conversation led me back to what I had concluded back on Dec 22nd of 2017 ... something I have not said or thought to myself since that time for one reason of denial or another .. No guessing here, you know what it is, let me introduce myself again ...

hello, my name is Faith Nicole and I am a woman .. fully and unconditionally.
(now I just need my body to catch up ......)

good night folks, thanks for tuning in

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on November 20, 2018, 11:03:20 PM
Yay Faith Nicole 🌸🌸🌸
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on November 21, 2018, 01:02:15 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 20, 2018, 10:35:57 PM

....hello, my name is Faith Nicole and I am a woman .. fully and unconditionally.
(now I just need my body to catch up ......)

good night folks, thanks for tuning in

Faith

Drops the Mic.....Good on you Faith....don't be surprised if you question yourself again in the future, the difference is, from now on each time you ask that question of yourself, and you will....the answer will be a resounding YES.  ;) :laugh:

Take care

Liz

PS I owe you an email..sorry for being slack...been a little preoccupied :)

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 21, 2018, 07:11:47 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 20, 2018, 10:35:57 PM
hello, my name is Faith Nicole and I am a woman .. fully and unconditionally.
Pleased to (re-)meet you, Faith Nicole!  Yes, you are! 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 21, 2018, 07:54:21 AM
MEET-n-GREET !!!!

I have a song stuck in my head with only one line and no music .. I am a woman. To finally accept it for myself gives me goosebumps :D

Today is a great and awesome day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 21, 2018, 07:59:13 AM
I need this in a separate reply because I need some specific advice. Lori has been getting to me and I don't know what to do about it. She's taking great pleasure in my discomfiture.

I've posted somewhere about stronger feelings? Somewhere. Anyways, now she deliberately kisses me just enough to twist my belly into knots and make my knees turn to jelly .. then she pulls back and laughs at me. Only to do it again ...

ARRRGGGHHH

*sigh*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on November 21, 2018, 08:46:03 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 21, 2018, 07:59:13 AM
I need this in a separate reply because I need some specific advice. Lori has been getting to me and I don't know what to do about it. She's taking great pleasure in my discomfiture.

I've posted somewhere about stronger feelings? Somewhere. Anyways, now she deliberately kisses me just enough to twist my belly into knots and make my knees turn to jelly .. then she pulls back and laughs at me. Only to do it again ...

ARRRGGGHHH

*sigh*

I'll bet she teases her hair, too!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 21, 2018, 11:44:57 AM
weekly photo .. eh .. despite being in a good great mood, pictures still give me fits. Here it is though:
(https://i.imgur.com/WjN9gdz.jpg)
I'm not sure why it's dark this time and I didn't feel like editing it for brightness.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on November 21, 2018, 02:00:41 PM
Dear Faith -

I finally caught up here. I am so incredibly happy to read your last few posts. What a difference from earlier this week. And did you notice something else? It only lasted a day!

So - Welcome Faith Nicole! So nice to meet you.

I am glad Lori is here to set you straight. And it sounds like you two know how to have a great evening even without going out. Enjoy the knots in your belly!

Yes, feelings are much stronger as woman. I can attest to that as well. I do love my new feelings and emotions!!!

Very happy for you!

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 21, 2018, 03:15:38 PM
That's a lovely picture Faith.

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 21, 2018, 04:37:45 PM
Sarah .. stronger feelings, what a mild way to say it. How will I ever survive? :D  I've been trying to process that past year up to the past few days .. it's too much. This past week is a big turning point for me (we have a thread somewhere, don't we?). Finally accepting myself as me after all this time of presenting as me.
ps, Lori is a pain, don't let my bragging about her make you think otherwise.

Donica, thank you. I was going to say something denigrating myself and stopped. I didn't want to get yelled at ... again.

Thanksgiving ..
I have all the things I'm thankful for already processed daily so a special day for it doesn't really add up. We are not going to Lori's brothers. Lori will make an appearance to see the rest of her family then come home again. We'll either do something together, just the two of us, or meet my work friend at her house and 4 of us will have a quiet evening. Either way, I'm good.  Sunday is the family day for us.

.... I feel like a new woman ....

hugs everyone
Faith Nicole

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Moonflower on November 21, 2018, 07:40:21 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 21, 2018, 11:44:57 AM:
(https://i.imgur.com/WjN9gdz.jpg)
You do have amazing, ethereal hair.

You are inspiring us to take weekly pics of my BlueStar/Beth to track her changes when she starts HRT.

So glad that you and Lori talked out your rough spell. I often forget how helpful that can be when I'm feeling out of sorts.

After 8 p.m. now. You must be asleep? I hope you are getting the deep rest that you need.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 23, 2018, 01:21:34 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on November 21, 2018, 07:40:21 PM
You do have amazing, ethereal hair.

You are inspiring us to take weekly pics of my BlueStar/Beth to track her changes when she starts HRT.

So glad that you and Lori talked out your rough spell. I often forget how helpful that can be when I'm feeling out of sorts.

After 8 p.m. now. You must be asleep? I hope you are getting the deep rest that you need.

Thank you for that.  My hair, my one redeeming feature.

Lori, what's to say I've found that I have little to offer to a therapist because Lori and I have delved deep into our fears and secrets to share them to, hopefully, make us both all the stronger for it.


Thanksgiving Day

As I posted somewhere, I had Lori, my daughters, son, two grandchildren to spend the morning with for breakfast. I was left alone for about 4 hours when they went to Lori's brothers to see her family, I obviously did not go.

I did not feel good during those hours. I distracted myself as best I could until Lori got home again.

I've had better days, I've had much worse. At the end of it all ... I'm still me. I've accepted myself, finally, and that won't change now.

I have today, Sat, Sun off still .. what will I do with myself? ...

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on November 24, 2018, 05:05:31 AM
What will you do with yourself...you will repeat your positive thi8nking mantra's ...the ones about what a fantastic woman you are...keep practising those.

I hope you are feeling a bit better than you were...holidays are especially sucky for bringing up stuff we don't want to think about or that upsets us...You did well to keep yourself distracted...you have come so far and changed so much in the time you have been posting here, so don't be too hard on yourself.You really are doing Okay!  :laugh:

Take care

Liz


Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 24, 2018, 09:18:08 AM
Hiya Liz. Yes, I am keeping up my mantra. I have to get the right name and pronouns stuck into my head. I mean, if I can't for myself, how can I expect others to do it?


A small update from yesterday. I pick on my granddaughter about what to call me. I've been Papa to her since she could talk. I was picking on her last night about 'Mrs Grandpa' and my daughter spoke up. They've been working on Mrs Papa for me. She seems to like it that way ... I'll take it.

It started from when I texted my daughter once on Lori's phone, I prefaced it with .. "this is Mrs Dad ..." :D


That's it so far. It's been a quiet couple days just hanging around the house. My daughter worked early so she plans on being out again tonight.  cool.  We were supposed to do nails together last night (her plan) but I couldn't decide what color so I stuck with protective clear. Maybe today I'll have a better idea what to use.

have a great day everyone
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 24, 2018, 04:01:29 PM
It's nice to hear your ok with the 4 hours of alone time during Lori's visit with her family. You bring up an interesting topic. I often wonder what my kids would/should call me when in public. My son is ok with me but is standing his ground with calling me dad. My daughter uses the she/her pronouns when referring to me. I don't think their mother would appreciate them calling me mom. I'm thinking Aunt Donica?

Oh well, I'm glad your feeling up today Faith.

Hugs girl.
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 25, 2018, 08:18:14 AM
I barely crawled out of bed. I do have myself dressed and ready for visitors .. still pondering nail color  .. but, I'm sick. Sinus pressure and chest congestion .. ARRRGGHHH

I just want to enjoy a day with the family

*sigh*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 25, 2018, 08:23:10 AM
Argh!  Sorry to hear that you are under the weather.  Maybe a nice day in bed with chicken soup and the TV and computer or a good book?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 25, 2018, 02:23:33 PM
Oh dear! You and Davina both Faith. A little table salt in dissolved in warm water and sniffed up in the sinuses works wonders in about half an hour.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: davina61 on November 25, 2018, 02:35:08 PM
paracetamol and cough mixture and a good sniff of Olbas oil worked for me, hope yours goes as quick as mine.   
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 26, 2018, 09:36:49 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 25, 2018, 08:23:10 AM
Argh!  Sorry to hear that you are under the weather.  Maybe a nice day in bed with chicken soup and the TV and computer or a good book?

ate the soup, no TV or computer. Maybe it's time for a good book? It's been a few years ...

Quote from: Donica on November 25, 2018, 02:23:33 PM
Oh dear! You and Davina both Faith. A little table salt in dissolved in warm water and sniffed up in the sinuses works wonders in about half an hour.

I mix a glass of saline solution and use one of those squeeze-bulbs for babies to flush out my sinuses. Done it for years when things get icky.

Quote from: davina61 on November 25, 2018, 02:35:08 PM
paracetamol and cough mixture and a good sniff of Olbas oil worked for me, hope yours goes as quick as mine.   

Is that english? I have no idea what you just said.


I stayed home from work today. I thought about remoting in to make up a few hours, nah. I am just not up to work. Maybe this afternoon after Lori leaves for work.


Yesterday went well. We had the whole of the immediate home for the day. I did take some meds and then a nap. It gave me enough energy to make it through the day.

Saturday I managed to put the new carburetors on the go-carts in preparation for yesterday. The little ones had a blast. The 6 year old finally got the nerve to try one. We set the pedal so as to not go full speed. It was plenty fast enough for her.

The 2 yr old loved to ride, She only trusted a couple people to drive her though, her Mom wasn't one of them :P

So, despite being 'under the weather', it was a good day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 27, 2018, 11:56:29 AM
another day home sick ... ermm, sick at home. For my weekly photo I give you:
Excessive Glare!!
(https://i.imgur.com/3BQDOr4.jpg)
sure does hide a lot of ills .. HAH!
.
.
.
I don't know where that guy came from, he keeps showing up :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 27, 2018, 12:01:17 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 27, 2018, 11:56:29 AM
another day home sick ... ermm, sick at home. For my weekly photo I give you:
Excessive Glare!!
(https://i.imgur.com/3BQDOr4.jpg)
sure does hide a lot of ills .. HAH!
.
.
.
I don't know where that guy came from, he keeps showing up :(

@Faith
Dear Faith:
I am sorry to hear the you are "under the weather" today.
Please rest and take care of yourself today... and GET WELL SOON

By the way, thank you for posting your weekly picture, but please know that you can post pictures every day if you wish...  your followers would not mind at all!!!

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 28, 2018, 05:59:55 AM
well, I'm at work feeling crappy.  Still a bit congested, on the mend though. Thank you for the 'get well' wishes. Nothing like a family gathering to spread the germs around (that and the 1st week of school).

Daily picture? I think not. I think I've scared off enough readers already ... "That might happen to me? I'm outa here ...!!!"

Lori tried to get me to stay home today. I have too many things to check on the requires hands. Some things you just cannot do remoted in from home while sitting at your desk in your pajamas drinking hot cider.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Moonflower on November 28, 2018, 07:45:05 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 28, 2018, 05:59:55 AM
Daily picture? I think not. I think I've scared off enough readers already ... "That might happen to me? I'm outa here ...!!!"
ABSOLUTELY NOT! I'll tell you again that you are doing great revealing the woman who you are, and she is beautiful, stunning, angelic. Yes, I am a native English speaker and know what those words mean. No, auto correct did not change any of those words. I will only concur that you latest picture shows that you were not feeling your perky best.

And I must file a protest: I want to see the pictures that you posted and then removed, but I honor your decision to do so, if that is truly in your greatest good. Will you reconsider?
Quote
Lori tried to get me to stay home today. I have too many things to check on the requires hands. Some things you just cannot do remoted in from home while sitting at your desk in your pajamas drinking hot cider.
Congratulations on recovering enough to be able to get back to work today!

I hope that you keep focused on only doing what is essential there at work right now, and getting back home as soon as possible to continue healing.

Sending hot steamy comforting beverages...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 28, 2018, 11:32:44 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 27, 2018, 11:56:29 AM
another day home sick ... ermm, sick at home. For my weekly photo I give you:
Excessive Glare!!
(https://i.imgur.com/3BQDOr4.jpg)
sure does hide a lot of ills .. HAH!
.
.
.
I don't know where that guy came from, he keeps showing up :(

No Faith! It doesn't hide anything. In fact, it make you look like an glowing angel. I hate feeling crappy at work. I hope you feel better soon dear.

Hugs,
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 28, 2018, 12:52:48 PM
Thank you for the kind words however life has a way of reminding you of your place, sometimes harshly.

On my way to use restroom, a guy was walking toward the stairwell at the same time from a different direction.
He did not yield to me, in fact he cut me off
He did not hold the stairwell door
He did give me the 'nod'
..
Once in the restroom, big mirror. Yep, he was there in the mirror staring back at me ... which became a glare.

No, not a good day at work.

maybe if I do this ...
(https://i.imgur.com/I6v3TJ3m.jpg)
I can glue my Halloween wig to it .....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 28, 2018, 01:02:19 PM
It sounds like the guy doesn't have a shred of decency. Why aren't you using the ladies room?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 28, 2018, 01:04:02 PM
Quote from: Donica on November 28, 2018, 01:02:19 PM
It sounds like the guy doesn't have a shred of decency. Why aren't you using the ladies room?
I'll edit my post to be more clear .. that was the stairwell door. I do not use the men's room
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 28, 2018, 01:10:59 PM
Oh, got it!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on November 28, 2018, 01:28:30 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 28, 2018, 12:52:48 PM
Thank you for the kind words however life has a way of reminding you of your place, sometimes harshly.

On my way to use restroom, a guy was walking toward the stairwell at the same time from a different direction.
He did not yield to me, in fact he cut me off
He did not hold the stairwell door
He did give me the 'nod'
..

This is actually a common 'alpha male' behavior around women, damn near ignoring our existence and treating us as something 'in the way.'

I see this fairly often when walking through the shopping and business district in my town.  An older male, well dressed, displaying gray hair (a silverback primate!) walking down the street will not deviate an inch from his path when women are in front of him, with the full expectation that his inferiors will step out of his way as he bulldozes his way down the sidewalk.  I have observed women stepping into doorways or the street to make way for The Silverback!

I see similar behavior with groups of males, walking side by side down the sidewalk and expecting those ahead of them to make way, and those behind them to slow to their pace.  The rare woman who passes them receives some pretty intense glares.

And yes, I do spend a good bit of time people-watching!   I often park myself at a sidewalk cafe seat for an hour or so to study behavior, movement, and wardrobe, as part of my social transition.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 28, 2018, 01:53:51 PM
I've seen this too Michelle. In fact, I'm often the women stepping into the doorway or stepping aside in the hallway to make way for The Silverback. I was wondering, what your observations are when an elder lady confronts Silverback? Do they show any respect for the elderly?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 28, 2018, 01:54:54 PM
snipped:
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 28, 2018, 01:28:30 PM
- - - - - - -
   - - - - - - -
And yes, I do spend a good bit of time people-watching!   I often park myself at a sidewalk cafe seat for an hour or so to study behavior, movement, and wardrobe, as  part of my social transition.
@Michelle_P       cc: @Faith
Dear Michelle:
My favorite pastime.... people watching.   
As you indicated it is certainly an important part of our social transition.   
Also it is a very important part of my gender transition. 

There is always lots to learn when observing female behavior, mannerisms, movements, how they dress, etc.... and it is definitely an eye-opener to observe the random male deportment and manners (or lack thereof)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts....
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on November 28, 2018, 02:15:35 PM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 28, 2018, 01:54:54 PM
snipped:@Michelle_P       cc: @Faith
Dear Michelle:
My favorite pastime.... people watching.   
As you indicated it is certainly an important part of our social transition.   
Also it is a very important part of my gender transition. 

There is always lots to learn when observing female behavior, mannerisms, movements, how they dress, etc.... and it is definitely an eye-opener to observe the random male deportment and manners (or lack thereof)

Yes indeed!  And one of the most remarkable things is that in conversation with some of the folks I have observed (mostly at church) they are completely unaware or even in denial of their behavior patterns!  This stuff is deeply acculturated.

Quote from: Donica on November 28, 2018, 01:53:51 PM
I've seen this too Michelle. In fact, I'm often the women stepping into the doorway or stepping aside in the hallway to make way for The Silverback. I was wondering, what your observations are when an elder lady confronts Silverback? Do they show any respect for the elderly?

The behavior isn't actually one-sided.  The women step out of the way of the approaching male without thinking consciously about it, just as the males do not consciously insist on the behavior but simply assume it. 

I've actually toyed with the behavior a few times, continuing to walk down the sidewalk without deviating, imitating the behavior of an alpha male even as one approached me.  We generally get quite close before the male pauses, blinks (literally), mumbles "excuse me" or similar, and steps past me.

Faith, the behavior is not at all out of line for a preoccupied male encountering a female. 

If you don't already, it might be fun to take an occasional 'people-watching' break to polish up your movement and interactions with others on the street.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 28, 2018, 03:04:59 PM
Hey ya'll

Yes, I have a lot to learn. Watching people, hmm, I'd have to drive a ways just to sit somewhere and watch. From here all I see is trees. I could try to watch the alpha bunnies when they hop around.

I'd like to point out that although I was irritated by the guy (both stairwell-guy and mirror-guy) and dejected by mirror-guy it did not bring my mood down. I did not remove more pictures, nor did I drop from the forums for a spell after posting about it .... I have accepted myself, I feel good :); Lori accepts me, I feel good  :D; I'm still congested, not so good :P 2 outa 3 .. I'll take it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 28, 2018, 03:52:38 PM
@Faith  @Michelle_P  @Donica
Dear Ladies
As we all know, bad behavior and ill manners are not just only a male thing...
...women also can share these bad traits.

In the far back past I would make a point to hold doors open for both men an women, or especially allow the woman to proceed first, etc.   ....   often, unfortunately too often, when holding the door open for a woman they would just walk right through, not say thank, not make eye contact, not nod or smile, not even grunt .... when that would happen I would say in a fairly loud voice ....  you are welcome ... as they made it through and past the open door.  Usually I would get no reaction nor a verbal response as they continued to ignore my kind gesture....  or maybe I would then get a weak and perhaps apologetic "thank you" ... or sometimes I would even get the "finger" or verbal equivalent.

Now, as a woman, I make a point in saying "thank you," or "I appreciate that," or whatever kind thing that seems to be appropriate to say.   
I know that a lot of women don't want to often or necessarily respond to kind gestures from men because it might be construed as an acceptance of some sort, and indeed some guys will view that as a come-on ... and then can they get quite forward with their demeanor, sometime disgustingly forward.  I have found that with some of the men I come across in my town and even in the next door coffee shop.

Ahhh, the complexities of the human condition and the differences in the genders... 
...it is a moving target so we have to be cautiously aware and be flexible with our approach.

Thank you ladies for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 28, 2018, 03:54:56 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 28, 2018, 03:04:59 PM
I'd like to point out that although I was irritated by the guy (both stairwell-guy and mirror-guy) and dejected by mirror-guy it did not bring my mood down. I did not remove more pictures, nor did I drop from the forums for a spell after posting about it .... I have accepted myself, I feel good :); Lori accepts me, I feel good  :D; I'm still congested, not so good :P 2 outa 3 .. I'll take it.

That is good to hear, Faith!  Well, maybe not the congested part, but the rest is good.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on November 29, 2018, 02:43:17 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 28, 2018, 03:04:59 PM
Hey ya'll

Yes, I have a lot to learn. Watching people, hmm, I'd have to drive a ways just to sit somewhere and watch. From here all I see is trees. I could try to watch the alpha bunnies when they hop around.

I'd like to point out that although I was irritated by the guy (both stairwell-guy and mirror-guy) and dejected by mirror-guy it did not bring my mood down. I did not remove more pictures, nor did I drop from the forums for a spell after posting about it .... I have accepted myself, I feel good :); Lori accepts me, I feel good  :D; I'm still congested, not so good :P 2 outa 3 .. I'll take it.

Great outcome..you are obviously in a much better space to be able to handle things, I applauad you for hanging in there when it gets tough. Congrats i hope you keep moving forward as you are.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 29, 2018, 06:28:49 AM
Hey Kathy, Liz

yes, I am in a much better place than just a week ago .. if you don't consider that sinus/chest cold .. blah! It's harder to stay upbeat when you're sick but I am managing it.

No new updates today, I just wanted to stick my head in.

Oh, Moonflower, If you manage to peruse my pictures and see one, or a few, you really like .. feel free to post them. The person that couldn't look at a picture of themselves is gone (well, for the most part - some pictures still suck). I cannot pick and choose my pictures or I wouldn't post any.

In the words of a famous quote:
"But I'm feeling much better now"
Buddy Ryan
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 29, 2018, 06:44:40 AM
Quote from: Faith on November 29, 2018, 06:28:49 AM
"But I'm feeling much better now"
Buddy Ryan
:D  I loved that show!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 29, 2018, 07:54:14 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 29, 2018, 06:44:40 AM
Quote"But I'm feeling much better now"
Buddy Ryan
:D  I loved that show!

The few times I actually watch TV, if I am channel-flipping and run across the show, I'm always sucked in to watching it :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 29, 2018, 12:53:02 PM
pondering names, given vs true as it's been a recent topic, I recalled something. I related it to Lori as well.

I distinctly remember, not the when just that I was very young, having a 'talk' with my mother about my name. About not liking it and wanting a different one. That conversation only led to a lecture listing all the relatives that had the same name and how it was a great name and I should be proud of it.

it served to shut me up, it did not change my mind. I've never liked my given name ... ever.

FAITH


addendum. People pester me about photos, I don't know why. there are plenty better looking people on here than I am (Chelsea for example). Regardless, here's a Thursday photo to keep the pests at bay ...
(https://i.imgur.com/Riy9SKV.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on November 29, 2018, 01:07:31 PM
Well, this pest is delighted to see today's photo.  You look gorgeous, and I love the smile!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on November 29, 2018, 02:13:44 PM
This occasional pest thinks that today's photo is very nice.  You look very good in this one, and that top is a nice color for you.  Hair looks great, and has me jealous.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 29, 2018, 02:21:05 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 29, 2018, 12:53:02 PM
addendum. People pester me about photos, I don't know why. there are plenty better looking people on here than I am (Chelsea for example). Regardless, here's a Thursday photo to keep the pests at bay ...
(https://i.imgur.com/Riy9SKV.jpg)

Wait, What? Where? Who? Not from where I sit! Ok maybe one or two. Thanks for the compliment!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 29, 2018, 02:51:06 PM
Snipped:
Quote from: Faith on November 29, 2018, 12:53:02 PM
- - - - - - - -
    - - - - - - - -
FAITH


addendum. People pester me about photos, I don't know why. there are plenty better looking people on here than I am (Chelsea for example). Regardless, here's a Thursday photo to keep the pests at bay ...
(https://i.imgur.com/Riy9SKV.jpg)
Dear Faith:
OK, I will stop pestering you for photos for today only... thank you for treating us all to your smiling and beautiful face... we appreciate you sharing with us.

By the way, you have absolutely nothing to be upset about regarding your photo....  you look absolutely terrific and beautiful... 
...oh, and just in case you have never heard it before, your hair is very lovely.

Hugs and well wishes as always,

Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: davina61 on November 29, 2018, 02:59:52 PM
And why would we not want to see pictures of a lovely lady??
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Nicole70 on November 29, 2018, 03:00:41 PM
Faith,

You are looking good in your latest photo, I'm glad you are feeling better in yourself, despite feeling unwell with congestion, I hope that clears up very soon.

I know how you feel about your given name, I also hated my given name. We share a name now, which I really love and feel fits me.

Glad to have a more positive Faith, big hugs

Nicole
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on November 29, 2018, 03:27:35 PM
All of you are too wonderful and kind for me to express. For the record, I was not fishing for compliments but big thanks ... they do make me feel good  :-*

Also, for the record, I see him. :( :icon_cry:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 29, 2018, 03:49:20 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 29, 2018, 03:27:35 PM
All of you are too wonderful and kind for me to express. For the record, I was not fishing for compliments but big thanks ... they do make me feel good  :-*

Also, for the record, I see him. :( :icon_cry:

@Faith
Dear Faith:
  THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:
Please be advised that you are going to continue to receive compliments regarding your appearance and about your transition progress whether you are fishing for them or not. 
You will find it difficult to stop us because we are your biggest fans, we are always wishing you well, and we are all rooting for you.

Lots of hugs being sent your way.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Moonflower on November 29, 2018, 04:58:34 PM
So good to see you smiling! What a fun color to wear!
<edited to remove failed links>
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Moonflower on November 29, 2018, 05:34:10 PM
Let's try this again...

With your permission, I'm posting a blast from the past, January 10, 2018, to be precise. Remember when...
(https://i.imgur.com/hkQjKLg.jpg)
That is such a lovely blouse, and it looks great on you! I'm working on figuring out what Beth's style is. She is so full of surprises, liking things that I never would have thought of, and she's right! But I have yet to find such a pretty blouse for her.

And, one of my favorites:
(https://i.imgur.com/NZgVv3E.jpg)
And how appropriate that it was my birthday!

One more today.
(https://i.imgur.com/hhxa9AN.jpg)
Lori must have had a blast! You have (drum roll -- I know that no one has ever said this to YOU before) such GORGEOUS HAIR!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Moonflower on November 30, 2018, 05:05:35 PM
Copied from your Personal Text:
Quote
Self-Acceptance is the Key

So be it!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 30, 2018, 05:51:11 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on November 29, 2018, 05:34:10 PM
Let's try this again...

With your permission, I'm posting a blast from the past, January 10, 2018, to be precise. Remember when...
(https://i.imgur.com/hkQjKLg.jpg)
That is such a lovely blouse, and it looks great on you! I'm working on figuring out what Beth's style is. She is so full of surprises, liking things that I never would have thought of, and she's right! But I have yet to find such a pretty blouse for her.

And, one of my favorites:
(https://i.imgur.com/NZgVv3E.jpg)
And how appropriate that it was my birthday!

One more today.
(https://i.imgur.com/hhxa9AN.jpg)
Lori must have had a blast! You have (drum roll -- I know that no one has ever said this to YOU before) such GORGEOUS HAIR!
Oh Faith! I so love how you do your eye liner. You look beautiful.

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on November 30, 2018, 05:52:33 PM
And I want that white top your wearing.
Quote from: Moonflower on November 29, 2018, 05:34:10 PM
Let's try this again...

With your permission, I'm posting a blast from the past, January 10, 2018, to be precise. Remember when...
(https://i.imgur.com/hkQjKLg.jpg)
That is such a lovely blouse, and it looks great on you! I'm working on figuring out what Beth's style is. She is so full of surprises, liking things that I never would have thought of, and she's right! But I have yet to find such a pretty blouse for her.

And, one of my favorites:
(https://i.imgur.com/NZgVv3E.jpg)
And how appropriate that it was my birthday!

One more today.
(https://i.imgur.com/hhxa9AN.jpg)
Lori must have had a blast! You have (drum roll -- I know that no one has ever said this to YOU before) such GORGEOUS HAIR!

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 01, 2018, 06:26:17 AM
About the pictures,
Pic1 .. ACK! .. not ready for public view. Lori took that picture when I tried it on. I was wearing my exercise shorts .. sheesh :P Early in transition as well, like - not. I've changed slightly since then.
Pic2 .. Lori likes that one as well, amongst a few other people. I don't like it. It looks too fake like it was put through faceapp or something (it wasn't). Too much makeup I think.
Pic3 .. Yes, Lori had a blast. Giggles and 'oh, your hair is so easy to work with' and such comments. It took me a while to get those curls combed out.



About my avatar yesterday, for those of you that noticed. It was not a good day, very dark thoughts. I'll not go into it. Those of you that reached out know.

I'd like to point out, I just started the 1st week of the month. this is the .. 5th? 6th? month that my mood has turned ¿sour? during the first week and being less able to handle things that life throws at me. *sigh*

It's a new day, same week though so watch out

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 01, 2018, 01:44:49 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FuafKaYR.jpg&hash=082c87f59bf449d1a7ac20d5a204b1d12c7463aa)
From a couple days ago sitting at home
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on December 01, 2018, 01:55:04 PM
Faith, I see nothing but a mature woman, relaxing at home.

You being you.

Quote from: Faith on December 01, 2018, 01:44:49 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FuafKaYR.jpg&hash=082c87f59bf449d1a7ac20d5a204b1d12c7463aa)
From a couple days ago sitting at home
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on December 01, 2018, 04:22:59 PM
I will second that comment by Michelle.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on December 01, 2018, 04:32:46 PM
Quote from: Laurie on December 01, 2018, 04:22:59 PM
I will second that comment by Michelle.

The motion is passed.  Faith you are a beautiful mature woman!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on December 01, 2018, 04:49:29 PM
Quote from: Jessica on December 01, 2018, 04:32:46 PM
The motion is passed.  Faith you are a beautiful mature woman!
Case closed!

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 01, 2018, 05:35:13 PM
QuoteFaith you are a beautifully (im)mature woman!

I agree  :D

You all are a bad influence on me

I am improving on seeing myself. I don't hide from mirrors anymore and I don't mind photos (much) either. Boobage is coming along nicely, shrinkage is slow, some of my skinny slacks don't fit because the waist is too big and the hips are too tight. Hair, well, head hair was never a problem. Body & facial hair .... GRRRRRRRRRrrrRRRRRrrrrrRRR.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Moonflower on December 01, 2018, 07:44:15 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 01, 2018, 05:35:13 PM
I am improving on seeing myself. I don't hide from mirrors anymore and I don't mind photos (much) either. Boobage is coming along nicely, shrinkage is slow, some of my skinny slacks don't fit because the waist is too big and the hips are too tight. Hair, well, head hair was never a problem. Body & facial hair .... GRRRRRRRRRrrrRRRRRrrrrrRRR.

So exciting to read about your results from HRT. I can't wait to see what happens to my Beth! Each step she takes, she becomes more beautiful. Surely you and Lori notice the same thing about yourselves, most of the time.

After you return to safe ground, after this monthly "period", I wonder what you can put in place, to prepare for the next one. My therapist is good at helping me answer these kinds of questions.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on December 01, 2018, 08:32:02 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 01, 2018, 01:44:49 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FuafKaYR.jpg&hash=082c87f59bf449d1a7ac20d5a204b1d12c7463aa)
From a couple days ago sitting at home
you look pretty content to me!  I wish I had your hair!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: randim on December 01, 2018, 09:58:41 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 01, 2018, 01:44:49 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FuafKaYR.jpg&hash=082c87f59bf449d1a7ac20d5a204b1d12c7463aa)
From a couple days ago sitting at home

Beautiful photo Faith. Your hair is quite lovely.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 03, 2018, 06:27:32 AM
Today is the 6th day with a nasty headache. Mixed sources, hard to treat since most pills for headaches and such I can't take. Muscle tension, related to weather change and a bad neck. Sinus because I'm still fighting that head&chest cold. It moved back up into my sinuses. There's another headache as well, top of my head. Not sure where that one is coming from.

Other than feeling crappy, the downside is that feeling this way amplifies my negative thoughts, feelings, and doubts. I didn't sleep well because my head was full of bad dreams .. mostly, I hate to say, about Lori leaving me for a 'real' man. Worse yet, staying and finding one anyways ... It's a fear, however unlikely.

I'm a mess

Now I'm at work

Now I'm a mess at work

Did I say I was a mess?

Monday photo? hmm, I'm sitting alone in the dark, lets try one with only the ambient light from my monitors. Please try to contain the gag reflex, it's not pretty ... the reflex that is. People look bad when they're gagging. You should try to avoid it. I'll refrain from commenting on my photo, I always get yelled at when I do.

(https://i.imgur.com/TrUbtRp.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: davina61 on December 03, 2018, 06:43:06 AM
Just about held my lunch down . NO just kidding as you look lovely as usual, its a workday face . Mine is nowt to shout about when at work , covered it crap and lippy gone. Now go and believe in yourself , in fact stand in front of a mirror and repeat " I am beautiful " 10 times . Do I have to start handing out slaps???
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on December 03, 2018, 08:18:24 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 03, 2018, 06:27:32 AM
Today is the 6th day with a nasty headache. Mixed sources, hard to treat since most pills for headaches and such I can't take. Muscle tension, related to weather change and a bad neck. Sinus because I'm still fighting that head&chest cold. It moved back up into my sinuses. There's another headache as well, top of my head. Not sure where that one is coming from.

Other than feeling crappy, the downside is that feeling this way amplifies my negative thoughts, feelings, and doubts. I didn't sleep well because my head was full of bad dreams .. mostly, I hate to say, about Lori leaving me for a 'real' man. Worse yet, staying and finding one anyways ... It's a fear, however unlikely.

I'm a mess

Now I'm at work

Now I'm a mess at work

Did I say I was a mess?

Monday photo? hmm, I'm sitting alone in the dark, lets try one with only the ambient light from my monitors. Please try to contain the gag reflex, it's not pretty ... the reflex that is. People look bad when they're gagging. You should try to avoid it. I'll refrain from commenting on my photo, I always get yelled at when I do.

(https://i.imgur.com/TrUbtRp.jpg)
Well, let me comment than!
You look like a normal every day woman to me.  No makeup, just a normal face.  I still like your hair, I think it looks great!  That is the length I would like to have!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on December 03, 2018, 11:18:13 AM
I have to agree.  You may not be in good spirits but you look just fine.  I hope your headache is resolved soon. [hugs]
 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 03, 2018, 12:42:13 PM
Quote from: davina61 on December 03, 2018, 06:43:06 AM
Just about held my lunch down . NO just kidding as you look lovely as usual, its a workday face . Mine is nowt to shout about when at work , covered it crap and lippy gone. Now go and believe in yourself , in fact stand in front of a mirror and repeat " I am beautiful " 10 times . Do I have to start handing out slaps???

I believe in myself, it's photos and mirrors that don't believe in me. and I can't "repeat " I am beautiful "". I have not so fond memories of biting into a bar of soap for lying ... or was that cussing ... probably a bit of both.

Quote from: Dietlind on December 03, 2018, 08:18:24 AM
Well, let me comment than!
You look like a normal every day woman to me.  No makeup, just a normal face.  I still like your hair, I think it looks great!  That is the length I would like to have!

I keep wondering how to style it or cut it. Bangs or no bangs. So, it just keeps growing because I can't make up my mind. It's longer in the back. The front is short because I used to self-trim the bangs.
psst, there's makeup. I do try to go sparingly.

Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on December 03, 2018, 11:18:13 AM
I have to agree.  You may not be in good spirits but you look just fine.  I hope your headache is resolved soon. [hugs]

I spent 10+ years of my life with constant daily headaches. It's been a year since I had one. I guess it's making up for lost time.

Thank you (all of you)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: randim on December 03, 2018, 04:50:24 PM
For what it's worth Faith, I think you're being way too hard on yourself.  I do understand not liking what you see when you look in the mirror, but you've put work in to improve and it shows.  You look good.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 03, 2018, 05:43:26 PM
Quote from: randim on December 03, 2018, 04:50:24 PM
For what it's worth Faith, I think you're being way too hard on yourself.  I do understand not liking what you see when you look in the mirror, but you've put work in to improve and it shows.  You look good.

Thank you.  Yes, I am getting better, sort of. People keep telling me the same thing so I am trying hard to see what they see. I do have a self-image problem apparently :P

btw, Welcome to my corner of Susan's :)

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on December 03, 2018, 05:55:57 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 03, 2018, 12:42:13 PM

I spent 10+ years of my life with constant daily headaches. It's been a year since I had one. I guess it's making up for lost time.

Thank you (all of you)
Did anybody ever checked for the reason of those headaches?
And yes, you are a good looking woman, if your mirrors tell you a different story, something may be wrong with them!  You should not use the mirrors the use in those funny carnival setups that purposely distort people!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on December 03, 2018, 06:44:47 PM
Quote from: Faith on December 03, 2018, 05:43:26 PM
Thank you.  Yes, I am getting better, sort of. People keep telling me the same thing so I am trying hard to see what they see. I do have a self-image problem apparently :P

btw, Welcome to my corner of Susan's :)

Faith
We have been telling Faith for ages that her poor opinion of herself is something no one else shared we all think she looks fabulous [emoji3]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 03, 2018, 07:51:34 PM
Quote from: LizK on December 03, 2018, 06:44:47 PM
We have been telling Faith for ages that her poor opinion of herself is something no one else shared we all think she looks fabulous [emoji3]


You hush up missy.

Hey! It's late enough now, I can say what I want. You're out of it for a while and won't be able to respond until it's too late ... I need to think of something
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 04, 2018, 08:51:08 AM
Today's update .. hmm. Well for one, I couldn't think of anything to poke Liz with. Root and Stem came to mind, I just couldn't get a handle on how to use them. All I could think of were good, non-punny, thoughts ... hrummph, It's depressing :D  I guess I'll have to leave the punny stuff for Kendra.

Feeling a little better today. My ears popped twice so pressure & congestion must be easing.

let's see
took another daily selfie (yes, I do it daily, you just don't get to see them) .. I had to delete it. My reflections weren't horrible but that photo, ick!

Oh, got a jury summons notice. I haven't been called to report yet. Part of me doesn't want to go (I know it's important, I just don't like it), part of me does .. so I can wear my skirt suit and get all dolled up. I want to see their expression when they check my ID :D

Lots of concerned thoughts for some of my friends here on Susan's .. even those that don't know I think about them.

Speaking of Susan's. I'm concerned for the forum. The whole feel of the site has changed in the past year, I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's the reduced interaction with those that frequented the site when I first joined. I don't know.

That's it for now I think.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on December 04, 2018, 09:30:12 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 04, 2018, 08:51:08 AM
Feeling a little better today.

...

Oh, got a jury summons notice. I haven't been called to report yet. Part of me doesn't want to go (I know it's important, I just don't like it), part of me does .. so I can wear my skirt suit and get all dolled up. I want to see their expression when they check my ID :D

I am glad you are feeling a bit better, Faith.

I have served on a jury once, pre-transition.  It was educational, seeing the justice system from the inside.  I would urge people not to try to get out of it.  Of course, your reasons are good ones, too! :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on December 04, 2018, 10:06:31 AM
I was on a jury twice, and both times I was elected to be foreman.  I liked the experience a lot.  In one of the cases it was my medical background with which I was able to convince some of the fellow jurors that a defendant was not guilty!
The state attorney had a medical expert witness, who was just telling medical bull>-bleeped-< to the jury!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on December 04, 2018, 10:51:09 AM
Glad to see you feeling better.

  I totally understand you with the selfies and not seeing what others see.  I think yours look fine, and you say the same to me when I've posted a pic.

Occasionally I'll like what I see in the mirror but it never seems to translate if I take a picture of it. I know I tend to see my flaws first, and then if I take a picture its seems like I'm documenting them.

So how do we start to see what everyone else is telling us is there?







Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on December 04, 2018, 11:11:35 AM
I do sometimes, not all the time and not most of the time. I do, however, see her more than I used to. It used to be never.

I have two issues with mirrors and pictures
1) Seeing him
2) Seeing too much her, she looks fake, false, made up .. this is in certain photos. These I tend to think is because my mental picture of 'self' is still too far from reality.

I need to get my head together :)



Quote from: TonyaW on December 04, 2018, 10:51:09 AM
Glad to see you feeling better.

  I totally understand you with the selfies and not seeing what others see.  I think yours look fine, and you say the same to me when I've posted a pic.

Occasionally I'll like what I see in the mirror but it never seems to translate if I take a picture of it. I know I tend to see my flaws first, and then if I take a picture its seems like I'm documenting them.

So how do we start to see what everyone else is telling us is there?

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on December 04, 2018, 11:28:01 AM
Quote from: Faith on December 04, 2018, 11:11:35 AM
I do sometimes, not all the time and not most of the time. I do, however, see her more than I used to. It used to be never.

I have two issues with mirrors and pictures
1) Seeing him
2) Seeing too much her, she looks fake, false, made up .. this is in certain photos. These I tend to think is because my mental picture of 'self' is still too far from reality.

I need to get my head together :)
Or how about a new, realistic mirror,  one that will not distort your view? (inside your head)
Common lady, you look like one and you are one!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 15, 2019, 08:21:48 AM
Hey Y'all. An email comment from Liz inspired me to stick my head in and give a brief update. Mostly copy/paste (sorry Liz, I'm lazy) from emails so those of you that stayed in touch will be quite familiar with it. Some of what I wrote is personal to the person I relayed it to so will be edited out. I'll try to clean it up.

TL:DR warning, I do not have a short version. If text walls scare you, move along, it's OK.



I broke down and created a Facebook account. I have officially doomed Facebook. They always fail once I join in.

12/27/2018 - Road Trip to Virginia
My brother and Lori's sister were welcoming, of course (finally engaged after 10 years). They both are trying very hard on names and pronouns. It'll take a while. My brother is almost 50 so he's known me for a while. My wife's sister moved in with us as she hit her teens and we raised her from there. I am/was a father figure to her. She's like an elder daughter.

Slight mood swings going on, I have it under control so far. Mostly dysphoric face/body type issues as per abnormal.

The plan was to spend New Year's Eve with them, well, we did that in the hospital room. Sister need a heart procedure to remove extra heartbeats that was interfering with proper operation. Her heart was down to below 40%. The Dr decided there was no time to wait and scheduled the procedure for the 31st. By the time we left, her heart was beating normally .. YAY!! New Year's Eve was still kind of fun, for us. Sister was drugged up, she said all kinds of amusing things. Even so, in her stupor, she asked 'Where's Faith?" I walked to the side of the bed and she said, "Faith, hi beautiful. How are you feeling?" I replied simply, "Better than you". I received a "shut your pie-hole" for that one. The point of that isn't that interaction, it's the fact that, in her stupor, she still called me Faith.

Overall we had a great time. They both,  my wife as well, tried very hard to get name and pronouns correct. My brother struggled when it was long distance. He said it really helped that I was there and he could actually see me. He didn't have any questions, I brought stuff up anyways because I knew it was bothering him. He got much more comfortable after a few easy talks. He called me his sister!! :D

Everyone here has been so awesome. I only lost one brother to 'personal reasons'. We rarely talk (like never). It's been over 15 years, I think, since we last spoke. I don't consider it a loss, there is history to it. I actually don't know if it's the transgender issue that is his personal reason. You know what, I don't care. I reached out, he rebuffed ... done. No more friends lost, although we hardly see any of the 'old crowd' any more. Work has been awesome! My co-workers are either fully accepting (majority) or quiet. I HAVE GIRL FRIENDS!! I have 4 that have taken me in to help me any way that they can. WOOOOOO!!!

Passing, remember all my 'don't pass' comments? Well, apparently, I'm the only one that I don't pass to. That nasty mirror keeps showing me 'old me'. New people see her (mostly) without questioning now. My voice is really my only downfall atm. I don't know if I'll work on it or not. My voice is almost all my wife has left of him :(

How I look, case in point. I went to post a picture of myself to show off my newly pierced ears .. OH .. HEY .. I GOT MY EARS PIERCED!!!! :D ... ahem ... I didn't like the photo, all I saw was 'him'. I showed it to my brother asked him about seeing a guy and he just looked and said, no .. not really ... :D My body continues to shift weight around to a more feminine look. I'll always have broader shoulder than hips, I'm almost at the point now that it doesn't matter. My wife told me that she likes guy butts and mine's a girl butt so she has to start looking at other guys butts. (not seriously, we are committed to each other). I did tell her that it was OK to look, I don't mind ... GIRL BUTT ... :D !!!

01/08/2019 - Back to the daily grind
Wednesday, around lunch time, I met up with someone I used to work with daily. She is very much a LBGQT (etc,etc, acronym) supporter. I am the first transgender in her circle of friends. She has some drag queen friends that she suspects are closet trans (or haven't realized it yet), I am the first openly trans. It was a very good talk. We covered a lot of the basics of how I 'discovered' myself and also got into some comparisons regarding the male/female emotional reaction differences. She caught up with me on Facebook. She said her jaw dropped when she saw the photos and realized who I was. Her first comment? Apparently I have awesome legs.

Today
You know the saying, there's no highs without lows, good/evil, nature's balance and all that. Today is a low. I have no explanation for it, I just want to crawl into a hole and hide. I try to think about all the good in my life and trust me, there's a lot of it. Still, the deep pit. Actually, I do know. Self-image. I am still fighting that demon. Everyone that I meet could say "What a beautiful woman" and I'd still feel like a woman trapped in an ugly-man-skin :( I don't know what to do with myself.

I fully believe in the 'I am who I am' still, there's days like today that take over and I lose a grip on myself.  Tomorrow will be a better day, heck, this afternoon might be better. The swings happen in an eye-blink :-\

On the plus, I think, I get to switch to injections. The prescription is sent in, just waiting for it to be filled. Then it's an appointment to learn how to stab myself properly. It ends up about $27.00 more per month. I hope the benefits outweigh it. The risk of blot clot with the pills scares me.

That's all for now, time to dive into a sugar binge to make myself feel better


The summation is:
Plotting the downfall of Facebook
Visited family - acceptance
Pierced ears .. WOOOO
More gal friends .. WOOOO some more
Still lots of up and downs.
Hoping to get insurance that covers gender related services
switching to injections.
I guess there is a TL:DR but you had to scroll down to read it :P

I'm sure that I left some news out. Things get forgotten in time and for me that only takes a day.

hugs
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sylvia on January 15, 2019, 11:29:10 AM
Hi Faith

I was actually thinking about you today. Great to have an update.

Happy New Year (not too late to say that, is it?)

Syl xx
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 15, 2019, 11:32:32 AM
Hi, Faith.  Thanks for the update.  And what a (mostly) great update it is!  You might have to get rid of those defective mirrors, but family acceptance, friends' acceptance, pierced ears, those are all good news!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 15, 2019, 03:08:08 PM
Hi Faith!

It's good to see you back again. I have followed your progress since I joined Susun's a year ago. Mostly just observing though. We share a lot of the same issues, but you are much farther along that I am. I know it might not seem like it, but you are an inspiration to a lot of us. At least you are to me!

I can only hope to get as far along as you. I see "him" in the mirror and photos all the time!

So I guess I just want to say that I hope you come around more often and don't give up. It gives me hope!

Take care.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: tgirlamg on January 16, 2019, 01:07:03 AM
Faith!!!

Good to see ya here!!! ...Onward We Go Brave Sister!!!

Hugs and Lotsa Love!!!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌸
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on January 16, 2019, 05:09:18 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 15, 2019, 08:21:48 AM
Hey Y'all. An email comment from Liz inspired me to stick my head in and give a brief update. Mostly copy/paste (sorry Liz, I'm lazy) from emails so those of you that stayed in touch will be quite familiar with it. Some of what I wrote is personal to the person I relayed it to so will be edited out. I'll try to clean it up.



hugs
Faith

@Faith i am glad I inspired you to post....and i wouldn't be too concerened about the copy and paste as it doesn't matter to me because its all new information when you send it too me  :D

I owe youi a copy and paste back...but it been over 100F here the last two days and sitting oin my computer room is no fun at all in this heat...so maybe in a day or two  ;D

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on January 16, 2019, 06:51:18 AM
Hey Faith

Congrats on the ear piercing.

Thanks for the update and hope things are better today.

Be well

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 16, 2019, 07:14:27 AM
*WAVES*  Thanks for the responses. I'd do an @mention but the darn thing still doesn't work.

I had a down day yesterday and got sick on top of that so .. afternoon online activities were limited. I think I posted yesterday because of how I felt yesterday morning. I needed to revisit some of the positives that have happened and who best to share it with? :)  Getting sick didn't help that at all though, I was miserable. Gluten intolerance, IBS not related to gluten, I'm malnourished, dehydrated, low blood counts. On the plus, my kidneys aren't any worse and all my other levels from my recent blood work show normal. Estrogen levels at 100 and testosterone levels at 7 .. I think I can live with that. The only question I have is .. where's the boobs? I wait and I wait and I wait *sigh*. On the plus side, shrinkage is working ....... where's the thumbs up emoji? or should it be a thumbs down? :P

Sylvia, thinking of me? I'm honored ... I think ... I guess it depends on what you were thinking :D and it's never too late to welcome someone into the new year!

Kathy, yes, I've had lots of good. Lots to be thankful for. I may even share some photos, I don't have them here though. Friend me on Facebook already :D

Katie, sorry, it's so easy to get lost in my own world and forget who gets touched in passing. Although I don't see how I can be an inspiration I am glad that it helps you and others.

Ashley!!!!! Things are much improved since our email exchange ages ago. Thanks for reaching out, here's a hug and kiss  :icon_hug:  :-*

Liz, what's to say .. long distance friend! We need to talk some day so you can hear how horrendous my voice is :D

Tonya, you posted while I was working out a response .. my brain is soooo slow. I've caught up mostly. I hate to say this but, some lady was interfering with the proper view of your door. It still looks like a nice door.

hugs everyone.
Faith

hmm, maybe some nice admin will come along and merge this with 'My Progress' thread and unlock it.



Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 16, 2019, 12:07:43 PM
I mentioned sharing a photo, well, how about a dude in a skirt that was spotted wondering around a mall ...

(https://i.imgur.com/sqgprVl.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 16, 2019, 12:12:10 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 16, 2019, 12:07:43 PM
I mentioned sharing a photo, well, how about a dude in a skirt that was spotted wondering around a mall ...

(https://i.imgur.com/sqgprVl.jpg)
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Thank you for starting and posting on your new thread here.
I missed you very much while you were gone.

.... and NOW you have posted a long awaited picture...
and PLEASE, I DO NOT SEE A "DUDE IN A SKIRT" in that photo that you put up.
I see a woman with beautiful long hair... and great legs!!!   ;)

HUGS, and as always, well wishes to you.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 16, 2019, 04:07:55 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 16, 2019, 12:07:43 PM
I mentioned sharing a photo, well, how about a dude in a skirt that was spotted wondering around a mall ...

Faith, I don't see any dude in that picture.  I see a tall, silver-haired lady with great legs.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JanePlain on January 16, 2019, 04:19:06 PM
I was just thinking about you so perfect timing on this post!  I'm discouraged.  I thought I had great legs...  Dude?  What Dude???

Who are we talking about the Big Lebowski?  (That movie really cracks me up)  I can't quote the exact line but when Jeff Bridges gets all worked up and shouts something like "Hey knock it off man... We have a beverage here!" 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 16, 2019, 05:28:38 PM
You all are really too kind. At some point I may say what my day today was like after I made that post. I'm still too raw :(


I want to thank Cindy for opening my thread and merging the two together. Thanks Cindy  :icon_wave:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 16, 2019, 05:47:19 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 16, 2019, 05:28:38 PM
You all are really too kind. At some point I may say what my day today was like after I made that post. I'm still too raw :(


I want to thank Cindy for opening my thread and merging the two together. Thanks Cindy  :icon_wave:

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Please continue posting and sharing your thoughts.
If you share good news we are all here being happy and rejoicing with you... and if you share not-so-good news we will have an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.   We are your biggest fans and we are all rooting for you.

Always feel free to share what is on your mind and what is going on in your life, good or bad....  when dealing with life issues it is always a good thing to write out your thoughts and start processing positive steps you can take to improve your situation if need be.

I will be eagerly looking for your future postings and pictures as you feel comfortable sharing them.

HUGS and MORE HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on January 16, 2019, 06:47:23 PM
Great legs?  I'd say!

I know the stress you feel but take it to heart that so many people in real life and online see you as the woman you are.  Start believing.  We (well many) will all see that old self from time to time but it's only because we are so familiar with them.  Years in and I see him every now and then.  I say Hi, then "get lost!"  I think he wants to see how good I look! ;)

You look good and when you dress like you are in that recent photo you're smashing!  Keep up the progress. 
Hugs, Judi 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on January 16, 2019, 08:03:12 PM


Quote from: Faith on January 16, 2019, 07:14:27 AM


Tonya, you posted while I was working out a response .. my brain is soooo slow. I've caught up mostly. I hate to say this but, some lady was interfering with the proper view of your door. It still looks like a nice door.


I see her peeking in the mirror sometimes and once in a while I'm able to snap a picture.

Quote from: Faith on January 16, 2019, 12:07:43 PM
I mentioned sharing a photo, well, how about a dude in a skirt that was spotted wondering around a mall ...

(https://i.imgur.com/sqgprVl.jpg)

Speaking of lady's getting in the way, not seeing this dude in a skirt you talk about.


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 17, 2019, 09:46:23 AM
Thank you all, again. My self-image issues have not resolved or diminished at all. I still fight every day to see myself. Rarely do I get a glimpse or her in my mirror. Body shape .. never. The only time I 'see' her all the time is in my shadow. She is always there and helps make me feel better about myself. My wife agrees with all of you, I wish that I could as well.

Judi!! Hi!! nice to 'see' you again :)

the photo, the only things that stand out to me when I look at it are, broad shoulders, deep chest, big arms.

Danielle, I cannot talk about yesterday. It would be unfair to the trigger, which happens to be here on the forums. I do not want anyone to hesitate posting something affirming and good simply because some weak-minded person like myself might break down over it.

I'm better today, I will avoid the topic though.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 17, 2019, 10:28:29 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
If you don't believe all of us, your followers,
at the very least you can BELIEVE YOUR WIFE!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on January 17, 2019, 10:36:57 AM
"...the only things that stand out to me when I look at it are, broad shoulders, deep chest, big arms."

Faith you are only seeing this because you look for it. Stop it!  :police:  Crossing your arms like that may be too manly of a look.  I've tried to stop doing it.  Just overlap rather than interlock. 

Other than that its the black skirt juxtaposed against the colorful top.  Nothing bad happening there at all.  That's classy look you're sporting there!

 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 17, 2019, 10:56:12 AM
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on January 17, 2019, 10:36:57 AM
... you are only seeing this because you look for it. Stop it!  :police:
:(

QuoteThat's classy look you're sporting there!

thank you, I like the outfit. I have to give up the top. It's a medium and just too tight. The skirt though, that's my new favorite. It's too big, Lori took the waist in. If I fill out like I want, it'll be perfect.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: NatalieRene on January 17, 2019, 12:46:43 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 16, 2019, 12:07:43 PM
I mentioned sharing a photo, well, how about a dude in a skirt that was spotted wondering around a mall ...

(https://i.imgur.com/sqgprVl.jpg)
My suggestion is don't slouch and body language is important. I'm not sure how long you have been on hrt but hrt did shrink my shoulder mass by a few inches because of the muscle. You could possibly experience similar results.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 17, 2019, 12:56:03 PM
Quote from: NatalieRene on January 17, 2019, 12:46:43 PM
My suggestion is don't slouch and body language is important. I'm not sure how long you have been on hrt but hrt did shrink my shoulder mass by a few inches because of the muscle. You could possibly experience similar results.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
I absolutely think you look great in your latest photo.     It looks to me like a woman waiting for a friend, or perhaps contemplating a decision to buy something!!!!    More clothes perhaps? ???

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 17, 2019, 01:32:09 PM
no, she's right. I look like crap. I should never have posted it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 17, 2019, 01:35:50 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 17, 2019, 01:32:09 PM
no, she's right. I look like crap. I should never have posted it.

@Faith
My dearest Faith:
Please STOP talking like that....  your wife thinks you look great, your regular followers think you look great, so you need to believe us.

Also, please remember that mirrors and cameras are NOT a girl's best friend.
.... and that we are our own worst and most critical critics.

Love ya girl.....
Many HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on January 17, 2019, 01:53:12 PM
Sorry I got here late! Trying to catch up. Faith, you must have deleted your picture as it is no longer there. Oh well, I have you in memory, Still looking sweet from my view.

Hugs girl!
Donica.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 17, 2019, 02:03:11 PM
@Faith
My dearest Faith .... this is for you from me !!!
Many hugs,
Danielle

                      (https://i.imgur.com/mEZciUY.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on January 17, 2019, 02:58:32 PM
@Faith @Alaskan Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on January 17, 2019, 10:28:29 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
If you don't believe all of us, your followers,
at the very least you can BELIEVE YOUR WIFE!!!
Hugs,
Danielle

Danielle is correct , and if it means something ever since I'd met you on the forums every one of your pictures had me saying "I hope I'm as lucky as Faith"

Hugs, Jess
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 17, 2019, 11:17:31 PM
  Well hell, Faith, with all the attention you have stirred up you don't need my thoughts. I do have to join the choir though and say you are wrong about your picture as you almost always are. You look very nice it that picture and those others I have seen on faceplant.
   I can understand your difficulties with those damn mirrors. But you know something? It will get better. You will see that not only will it get better, but that is has already gotten better from what it was when you first got here. You have made so much progress in accepting who you are already. That damn mirror is only one of the problems you  have had and like others, this too shall pass. Welcome back Faith.
   Do you want to know what I see in my mirrors? Well, I am going to tell you anyway. Sometimes it's a her, as the lingo goes, and sometimes it's a him. But what I see almost all of the time now is ME. And I am good with that. I am me, doing life as I want to do it and it doesn't matter at all what anyone else sees, as long as they do not disrespect who I am. Perhaps you can get to that point yourself someday Faith. I think you can do it. I have Faith in you and I see Faith too.

Love and hugs to you and that sweet lady at your side. Lori is your strength. Follow her lead.

Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 17, 2019, 11:46:45 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Be sure to pay attention to what my good friend @Laurie wrote to you in her comments.  Her thoughts are right on the mark and can apply to all of us here on the Forums.

Again, listen to you wife... she knows you best... but do know that your followers are also your biggest fans and we are always rooting for your success.

Hugs and as always, well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 18, 2019, 06:46:29 AM
No I'm not better today. The list for yesterday is long compounded by days before. It ended with getting home, realizing the jewel had come off of one of my studs, the shank had pulled back into my ear. I had to force it back through .. OWWW .. and then drive around to find someplace that had one that would screw into it. Being not quite 2 weeks into healing you cannot simply pull it out and insert another. Well, you can but you don't want to!

If someone lives in SW Florida and wants the name of a very nice Tattoo and Piercings place PM me and I'll tell you. A very nice gentleman went out of his way to find a fix for me. He spent more time with me than my initial piercer did (is piercer a word?). Yes, the initial piercing was also done at a Tattoo and Piercing shop. I dislike the chain store quick places.

As for my looks, I'm sure I've recounted this before. My self-image sucks. When I get complimented I feel that they are just being kind ... and I crash. When I'm criticized (even mildly) I take it to heart ... and I crash. When I hear nothing, I feel isolated, alone, ignored ... and I crash.

All of you have been very kind in your comments and compliments. What I feel is no ones fault but my own.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 18, 2019, 07:07:09 AM
Ya know, I'm not much for advice - either giving it or accepting it. I have the same kind of crashes. I've noticed lately, though, that they don't go as deep or last as long. Maybe it just takes time - and yeah, I used to hate it when people told me that, too. Still do. I want it all, I want it now, and I want it delivered for free. So about the best I can do is assure you that I know what it feels like, it sucks, and (sorry) it gets better.

I'll add that your feelings aren't anyone's fault. They just are. You're being you. We all love you regardless.

Oh, and I think it's "piercivist."

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on January 18, 2019, 07:52:07 AM
Hey Faith

Sorry to hear of your rough patch.

Hopefully venting on here helps you work through that. Lots of sympathetic ears here. Sure we're all being nice, but we ain't lying to you about what we see.

If I remember right, you are just now getting to the point of HRT where the physical softening starts to be noticeable. Its tough. You know it takes time, but that dysphoria bitch keeps wanting it yesterday.
Do whatever you need to get through it. Keep going,  yesterday is getting closer.

Be Well






Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 18, 2019, 08:08:31 AM
yes Steph and Tonya, my logical mind agrees. Unfortunately, it's this 2nd puberty emotional mind that has control.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on January 18, 2019, 08:27:50 AM
That is the struggle and those 2nd puberty hormones and all their no longer repressed emotions can make things seem worse at times.  You've got your rock to lean on and us to yell at.  You'll make it.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 18, 2019, 11:24:51 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Hello there on this stormy Friday,  I don't have much to say today other than I am always happy to see you logged into the forums and I especially enjoy seeing you posting on your thread.   

Love ya girl....   keep on keeping on.
Hugs and as always well wishes to you.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 18, 2019, 11:58:22 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on January 18, 2019, 07:07:09 AM...Oh, and I think it's "piercivist." ...

No, I think that one of the knightesses of the round table (inlaid with two rainbows end to end)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on January 18, 2019, 12:07:00 PM
Hi Faith! I don't recall how long you have been on HRT. I gather from the post from all your friends that you are just now beginning to see the physical changes? Yes the 2nd puberty HRT emotional rollercoaster can be difficult navigate. It really does get easier with time. The rollercoaster still gets me down at times but as Stephanie mentioned, they become less frequent, less intense and less time consuming. Soon that person (pretty girl) staring back at you in the mirror is going to start smiling at you.

Hugs Faith!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 18, 2019, 12:14:25 PM
Quote from: Donica on January 18, 2019, 12:07:00 PM
Hi Faith! I don't recall how long you have been on HRT. I gather from the post from all your friends that you are just now beginning to see the physical changes? Yes the 2nd puberty HRT emotional rollercoaster can be difficult navigate. It really does get easier with time. The rollercoaster still gets me down at times but as Stephanie mentioned, they become less frequent, less intense and less time consuming. Soon that person (pretty girl) staring back at you in the mirror is going to start smiling at you.

Hugs Faith!

My first Estradiol was near the end of February 2018. Spiro a few months after. I have the actual dates saved somewhere. I'll have to put my HRT timeline back into my sig. I'm fast approaching my 1 year mark. I think I'll set Feb 1st as my new-birth day
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JanePlain on January 18, 2019, 09:35:59 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 17, 2019, 01:32:09 PM
no, she's right. I look like crap. I should never have posted it.

Honest Faith you look great.  Don't be down on yourself.  Are you having a problem with depression?  Sorry to be so direct but if you are your ahhh (cough) not alone.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 19, 2019, 10:52:10 AM
Quote from: JanePlain on January 18, 2019, 09:35:59 PM... Are you having a problem with depression? ....

almost daily :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JanePlain on January 19, 2019, 08:12:49 PM
Depression can be really.... depressing.  I urge anyone who thinks they are dealing with that or anxiety to sit down with their GP and talk about how best ways to deal with it.  She/He can suggest a good TDoc and various meds that DO help.  *You may have to try a few different ones to get the right ones.  Untreated it feels like swimming with a brick in each hand.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 19, 2019, 08:29:14 PM
I avoid meds like the plague ... except my girly meds  ;D
I talk to my live in therapist. It really helps that we speak completely openly about everything. Agreement not necessary, clearing the air and getting it out is.

Since I came out there hasn't been anything that is harder to talk about than it was to come out to her. It's all uphill from here, that's why it's slow.

The biggest issue will likely never be resolved. We'll either live with it or we won't, time will tell. Briefly .. she's not a lesbian and I'm a girl.

My private struggle (well, meaning it's mine to resolve, she knows and tries to help) is this imbalance of Girl Brain vs. Male shape and male face and male bits. All of us know and understand that struggle. Which one depresses me more is hard to tell. I think I dwell on the male exterior most, the other hits very hard when it rears up.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 20, 2019, 07:44:41 PM
Today was a good day. It started by putting on a white sweater top and combining it with a red mini skirt. I then wore it to deliver coffee to Lori (she was around the corner sitting with our granddaughter. It made for a great start to the day.

That set of clothes didn't last long, it was freakin' cold today. I changed into jeans. Then there was a coffee drop on the top - into the wash that went and a different top went on. Covered that up with my new wind breaker jacket to go for a dog walk.

Most of the day was spent tending a small fire we started to burn out a tree trunk. Very windy, had to watch it close. While Lori and the little ones were off on the go-carts the import granddaughter (14) came out. Nothing special until I started talking a little about me. That opened the door. I let her know that I'm open to all questions, reserving the right to not answer due to her age.

We really had a good talk and covered a lot of topics. I think I helped ease her a bit. Specifically she asked how I knew, whether I planned on an operation or not, and I talked about my mood swings and depression. She kind of got a kick out of the fact that I'm about her age in puberty changes :P

Another good thing that we discussed. I brought up the depression caused by my 'guy look'. She just looked at me and said, "You don't look like a guy, you look like a girl". To top that, we hosted her 14th birthday a week or so back and she brought to gal friends with her. She said that both of them thought that I was a girl until she introduced me and told them about me.

There's more, too much to type. It can be summed up the same way that I started ... Today was a good day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 20, 2019, 07:48:22 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 20, 2019, 07:44:41 PM
Today was a good day. It started by putting on a white sweater top and combining it with a red mini skirt. I then wore it to deliver coffee to Lori (she was around the corner sitting with our granddaughter. It made for a great start to the day.

That set of clothes didn't last long, it was freakin' cold today. I changed into jeans. Then there was a coffee drop on the top - into the wash that went and a different top went on. Covered that up with my new wind breaker jacket to go for a dog walk.

Most of the day was spent tending a small fire we started to burn out a tree trunk. Very windy, had to watch it close. While Lori and the little ones were off on the go-carts the import granddaughter (14) came out. Nothing special until I started talking a little about me. That opened the door. I let her know that I'm open to all questions, reserving the right to not answer due to her age.

We really had a good talk and covered a lot of topics. I think I helped ease her a bit. Specifically she asked how I knew, whether I planned on an operation or not, and I talked about my mood swings and depression. She kind of got a kick out of the fact that I'm about her age in puberty changes :P

Another good thing that we discussed. I brought up the depression caused by my 'guy look'. She just looked at me and said, "You don't look like a guy, you look like a girl". To top that, we hosted her 14th birthday a week or so back and she brought to gal friends with her. She said that both of them thought that I was a girl until she introduced me and told them about me.

There's more, too much to type. It can be summed up the same way that I started ... Today was a good day.


Faith,


This does indeed sound like a good day.   :)

Good for you!

Chrissy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 20, 2019, 07:48:34 PM
Faith, I am happy that today was a good day for you.  Your granddaughter sounds like good therapy for you. :)  It is always good to have good connections with family, especially if their feedback makes you feel good.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on January 20, 2019, 08:07:56 PM
Hi Faith, I don't want you to stop telling of your experiences, which ever way they are felt. But I do love the ones that are so positive! This was indeed a good day!

We look forward to seeing you next week,
Tia & Deb
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: NatalieRene on January 20, 2019, 08:22:08 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 17, 2019, 01:32:09 PM
no, she's right. I look like crap. I should never have posted it.
Oh my no! In no way would I say you look like crap. No beating up on yourself allowed! Confidence starts with Self Confidence. You look good, time will take care of some of the things you see and the rest simply are. It doesn't matter if you don't match the ideal shape for a woman. Cis woman struggle with this all the time. My baby sister is half a inch taller then me and I have seen my sisters friends struggle about this and that over the years growing up.

I was simply suggesting you should improve your posture. Ladies shouldn't slouch.  ;D Plus smile, nothing helps lift the spirits like smiling.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 20, 2019, 08:26:33 PM
I didn't mean to make it sound like it was all about me. We spent quite a while on girl talk, things that she's going through. It got rather specific  :o

Tia Anne, we are waiting ... impatiently  ;D. I have the hours for an extra day off. I just need to be sure whether to take Friday or the following Monday ... or both.


Natalie, sorry I was in a mood when I posted that. I was also in one during that photo. That's how I look when depression and self-pity hit.

no worries.
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on January 20, 2019, 08:42:34 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 20, 2019, 07:44:41 PM


Another good thing that we discussed. I brought up the depression caused by my 'guy look'. She just looked at me and said, "You don't look like a guy, you look like a girl".....

You know something my dear Faith, she's is right.. ;) :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 20, 2019, 08:47:50 PM
Quote from: LizK on January 20, 2019, 08:42:34 PM
You know something my dear Faith, she's is right.. ;) :)

you hush!!! you're going to start another round of we told you so's
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on January 20, 2019, 08:48:25 PM
Yes!  Kids have a way of being brutally honest.  I'd take this a good sign you're heading in the right direction. 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 20, 2019, 08:51:13 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 20, 2019, 08:47:50 PM
you hush!!! you're going to start another round of we told you so's
And yes, did not everybody tell you so?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 21, 2019, 08:45:56 AM
Just a quick note as I start my work day (which really started at 6 am)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F9Lzorts.jpg&hash=5a06323e4f8c472e0312ca0531a3130e9f6a6f01)

New top and jacket, good thing too, it's cold outside.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 21, 2019, 09:26:41 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 21, 2019, 08:45:56 AM
Just a quick note as I start my work day (which really started at 6 am)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwidth%3D225%2520height%3D400%5Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F9Lzorts.jpg&hash=9cc7a0a33e098cfe367da5a437c12b7f371f413f)

New top and jacket, good thing too, it's cold outside.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Have a good day at work....   I generally start my work day quite early also... 
It is not quite 6:30am here and I am at my office having my first coffee from the next door coffee shop... 
....trying to get a head start on my tax work today for the early filers.

Thanks for sharing and posting.

Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 21, 2019, 09:30:27 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on January 21, 2019, 09:26:41 AM


I see your lips moving but nothing came out :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 21, 2019, 09:33:04 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 21, 2019, 09:30:27 AM
I see your lips moving but nothing came out :D
@Faith
Dear Faith:
It's very early, now that I have my early coffee, my lips are moving again !!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 21, 2019, 09:41:59 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on January 21, 2019, 09:33:04 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
It's very early, now that I have my early coffee, my lips are moving again !!!!
Hugs,
Danielle


that's good, people would start to fret if Danielle lost her typing voice.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 21, 2019, 09:57:35 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 21, 2019, 09:41:59 AM
that's good, people would start to fret if Danielle lost her typing voice.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
According to ALL of my friends you are quite correct.   
My speaking voice is also going all the time,
I tend to be the most talkative person in any group.

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on January 21, 2019, 10:21:40 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 21, 2019, 08:45:56 AM
Just a quick note as I start my work day (which really started at 6 am)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F9Lzorts.jpg&hash=5a06323e4f8c472e0312ca0531a3130e9f6a6f01)

New top and jacket, good thing too, it's cold outside.
Cute jacket but define cold.  Wouldn't even make it to the car in that here today.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 21, 2019, 11:08:43 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on January 21, 2019, 10:21:40 AM
Cute jacket but define cold.  Wouldn't even make it to the car in that here today.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

@TonyaW    @Faith

I agree with you Tonya....

Temperature here this morning when I went to
work was -21 deg F   (minus 29.5 deg C)

Until 12:05pm AKST, Mon Jan 21, 2019
Special Weather Statement for Middle and Upper Tanana Valley, Alaska 
Action Recommended: Avoid the subject event as per the instructions
Issued by: Fairbanks - AK, US, National Weather Service Office,

...VERY Difficult Travel Conditions Expected to Develop Over Highway Summits North of Fairbanks Monday Afternoon Through Tuesday... Recent snowfall, very cold temperatures well below minus 20 degrees F, combined with strong and gusty easterly winds that are expected to develop over higher terrain north of Fairbanks including the summits on the Dalton, Steese, and Elliot Highways will produce low visibilities in blowing and drifting snow beginning Monday afternoon and continuing through Tuesday. Travelers should be prepared for very difficult travel conditions developing along the Dalton, Steese, and Elliot Highway Summits beginning Monday afternoon and continuing into Tuesday.   4 wheel drive, full tank of fuel, and a well maintained vehicle are highly suggested.


Hugs and stay warm and dry....
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 21, 2019, 03:31:27 PM
I didn't know it was a contest. I was cold, I wore a new jacket. I liked my jacket and wanted to show it off so I posted a photo.



I made it to PP today for my injection training. Didn't feel a thing. Didn't hurt at all ... except my finger where I managed to stab it :-\

I talked to them about my progesterone and subsequent mood swings. Yep, normal. I knew that. I was told that progesterone was considered optional so I could stop or find a schedule that worked to ease them ...... any suggestions?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 21, 2019, 03:40:54 PM
Many try cycling progesterone by taking it the first or last ten days each month. You might run that by your provider.

And I like the top, jacket and the lady in them. It's a good picture Faith. Possibly the most feminine one of you I have seen yet.


Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 21, 2019, 04:00:33 PM
Quote from: Laurie on January 21, 2019, 03:40:54 PM
Many try cycling progesterone by taking it the first or last ten days each month. You might run that by your provider.

And I like the top, jacket and the lady in them. It's a good picture Faith. Possibly the most feminine one of you I have seen yet.


Hugs,
  Laurie

thank you Miss Laurie, on all counts. I'd read the 10 day on here somewhere. I may try it. I need to do something, I've been too moody.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 21, 2019, 04:37:03 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 21, 2019, 04:00:33 PM
thank you Miss Laurie, on all counts. I'd read the 10 day on here somewhere. I may try it. I need to do something, I've been too moody.

  I haven't tried it myself. I take mine everyday and it does not seem to affect my moods. You may want to run it by you doc or endo. If I remember right cycling it could make you even more moody as it might mimic pms.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JanePlain on January 21, 2019, 04:46:12 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 20, 2019, 07:44:41 PM
Today was a good day. It started by putting on a white sweater top and combining it with a red mini skirt. I then wore it to deliver coffee to Lori (she was around the corner sitting with our granddaughter. It made for a great start to the day.

That set of clothes didn't last long, it was freakin' cold today. I changed into jeans. Then there was a coffee drop on the top - into the wash that went and a different top went on. Covered that up with my new wind breaker jacket to go for a dog walk.

Most of the day was spent tending a small fire we started to burn out a tree trunk. Very windy, had to watch it close. While Lori and the little ones were off on the go-carts the import granddaughter (14) came out. Nothing special until I started talking a little about me. That opened the door. I let her know that I'm open to all questions, reserving the right to not answer due to her age.

We really had a good talk and covered a lot of topics. I think I helped ease her a bit. Specifically she asked how I knew, whether I planned on an operation or not, and I talked about my mood swings and depression. She kind of got a kick out of the fact that I'm about her age in puberty changes :P

Another good thing that we discussed. I brought up the depression caused by my 'guy look'. She just looked at me and said, "You don't look like a guy, you look like a girl". To top that, we hosted her 14th birthday a week or so back and she brought to gal friends with her. She said that both of them thought that I was a girl until she introduced me and told them about me.

There's more, too much to type. It can be summed up the same way that I started ... Today was a good day.

She is right.  You do look like a girl.  Just no two ways about it!  Glad you had a good day!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JanePlain on January 21, 2019, 04:51:13 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 21, 2019, 03:31:27 PM
I didn't know it was a contest. I was cold, I wore a new jacket. I liked my jacket and wanted to show it off so I posted a photo.



I made it to PP today for my injection training. Didn't feel a thing. Didn't hurt at all ... except my finger where I managed to stab it :-\

I talked to them about my progesterone and subsequent mood swings. Yep, normal. I knew that. I was told that progesterone was considered optional so I could stop or find a schedule that worked to ease them ...... any suggestions?

Kudos on passing the injection ed!  I locked up after the drawing and changing from 16 Gauge to 25.  The nurse had to tell me I needed to actually inject myself.  SIGH....  Well at least I didn't stab my finger  >:-)

I'm no expert but I read a lot and from what I've been able to cram into my silly head progesterone is something that might have more baggage then its worth.  A couple doctor types can find no good reason for it but?   I dunno.   You can see so many different opinions depending on where you look and how much medical lit you can digest.  I've tried to limit what I read to things published in the last couple of years.  If you go back even a bit more you get the idea that Horse Hormones are the only route to go.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 21, 2019, 05:16:23 PM
Quote from: JanePlain on January 21, 2019, 04:51:13 PM
Kudos on passing the injection ed!  I locked up after the drawing and changing from 16 Gauge to 25.  The nurse had to tell me I needed to actually inject myself.  SIGH....  Well at least I didn't stab my finger  >:-)

I'm no expert but I read a lot and from what I've been able to cram into my silly head progesterone is something that might have more baggage then its worth.  A couple doctor types can find no good reason for it but?   I dunno.   You can see so many different opinions depending on where you look and how much medical lit you can digest.  I've tried to limit what I read to things published in the last couple of years.  If you go back even a bit more you get the idea that Horse Hormones are the only route to go.

I waffle on the progesterone pro/con crap. Not ready to call it quits on it. I've read that by not cycling the moodiness issues decline over time. I dunno. I haven't really been on it that long. I do know my breasts firmed up after starting it, coincidence? dunno

horse hormones? No thanks. I'm bad enough now, I don't need a whiney whinny. A wee willy is ok though
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 21, 2019, 05:20:07 PM
Do micronized progesterone creams found over the counter do anything positive for trans-women?  Is this something to suggest to physicians to consider in mtf HRT plans?

Chrissy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 21, 2019, 05:38:16 PM
  Most doctors and endocrinologist will tell you there is no reason to take it. However there is anecdotal testimony that dispute this. I myself think that it has helped fill me out a bit more. So I intend to keep taking it. My doc at the VA did not recommend it. I told him I intended to try it anyway before I asked him and that I would prefer he was on board with it. I agreed to wait until he asked an endo about it and almost 2 months later he came back and still did not recommend it because he said the endo told him it does nothing for breast growth and it could cause a small increase in cancer risk. I talked to my oncologist about it and she agreed with me that it would be a negligible chance of increased risk. I have been taking it for about a year now I think. I do have a prescription for it from Kaiser.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 21, 2019, 05:57:26 PM
Quote from: Laurie on January 21, 2019, 05:38:16 PM
  Most doctors and endocrinologist will tell you there is no reason to take it. However there is anecdotal testimony that dispute this. I myself think that it has helped fill me out a bit more. So I intend to keep taking it. My doc at the VA did not recommend it. I told him I intended to try it anyway before I asked him and that I would prefer he was on board with it. I agreed to wait until he asked an endo about it and almost 2 months later he came back and still did not recommend it because he said the endo told him it does nothing for breast growth and it could cause a small increase in cancer risk. I talked to my oncologist about it and she agreed with me that it would be a negligible chance of increased risk. I have been taking it for about a year now I think. I do have a prescription for it from Kaiser.

Hugs,
  Laurie



Thanks Laurie.  Is your progesterone a pill or transdermal?

Chrissy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 21, 2019, 06:35:17 PM
I take a gelcap (pill), it can be taken orally, vaginally (I wish) or anally. I have only tried orally.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 21, 2019, 07:10:58 PM
Because of the fact that I seem to sit in the middle of a nest of gate keepers, my question is, is the OTC version of the micronized stuff any good?  It can be had on Amazon, but because the stuff is no cheap, I don't want to pay lots of money for repackaged hand cream!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on January 22, 2019, 08:14:46 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 21, 2019, 03:31:27 PM
I didn't know it was a contest. I was cold, I wore a new jacket. I liked my jacket and wanted to show it off so I posted a photo.



I made it to PP today for my injection training. Didn't feel a thing. Didn't hurt at all ... except my finger where I managed to stab it :-\

I talked to them about my progesterone and subsequent mood swings. Yep, normal. I knew that. I was told that progesterone was considered optional so I could stop or find a schedule that worked to ease them ...... any suggestions?
Not questioning your fashion sense Faith, I said the jacket was cute. Just having a bit of fun at what southerners call cold.

If it were any colder here yesterday I could have saved some money on GCS because they would have frozen off if I had spent some time outside.

On the progesterone question, are you taking the medroxyprogesterone (mpa) or the micronized?  I had issues with the mpa when I tried that last year. Took it for 2 months straight then cycle 10 days per month for 3 more then quit.  Started the micronized in early December so about 6 weeks now with no problems. 

First suggestion is to switch to the micronized if you're not currently taking that. If you want to try a cycle, here's my suggestion as a pharmacist.

If you can remember when to stop and start, the cycle idea was to mimic a  28 day menstrual cycle with 21 days off then 7 days on.  That's kind of hard to keep track of so usually would cycle by taking it the first 10 days of each calendar month



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 22, 2019, 11:02:17 AM
when you have salty damp air, windy, and the temperature drops 20 deg overnight into the next day, it's cold. Your internal body regulator has no time to acclimate. I've been in much colder dry northern air in short-sleeves, no shirt, and also barefoot. Like I said, not a contest. I was cold. I also know what too cold is, where bits can freeze off no matter what you think it feels like. Been there, left that. I prefer warm(ish) that feels cold.


Pretty sure I'm on micronized, I'll have to recheck the bottle tonight. I've been constant moody since I started taking it. It's time to start trying a cycle. My clinician is OK with it. She said optional, try what I want or stop. It's up to me.

Since my current 'cycle' is the first week of the month, I'm coming up on a good time to start.



Speaking of moods. Mine fell. Sometimes things happen that remind you that no matter how supporting your spouse is, things are bad and they're having it rough. I don't feel good about it. The only fix that I know is to keep trying to become a better me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 22, 2019, 11:44:31 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 22, 2019, 11:02:17 AM
when you have salty damp air, windy, and the temperature drops 20 deg overnight into the next day, it's cold. Your internal body regulator has no time to acclimate. I've been in much colder dry northern air in short-sleeves, no shirt, and also barefoot. Like I said, not a contest. I was cold. I also know what too cold is, where bits can freeze off no matter what you think it feels like. Been there, left that. I prefer warm(ish) that feels cold.


Pretty sure I'm on micronized, I'll have to recheck the bottle tonight. I've been constant moody since I started taking it. It's time to start trying a cycle. My clinician is OK with it. She said optional, try what I want or stop. It's up to me.

Since my current 'cycle' is the first week of the month, I'm coming up on a good time to start.



Speaking of moods. Mine fell. Sometimes things happen that remind you that no matter how supporting your spouse is, things are bad and they're having it rough. I don't feel good about it. The only fix that I know is to keep trying to become a better me.[/size]
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Regarding weather changes, humidity, wind, etc....   yes indeed, the salty damp air, windy, and a large temperature drop will certainly raise goosebumps when going outside.... although up here when it is -30 def F, I don't care if it is dry and not windy it still is darn cold...  of course at those temps if the wind kicks up it can chill a person to the bone unless they are bundled up very well covering all exposed flesh with layers and layers of warm and appropriate clothing.

Regarding mood swings... I can have them myself, regardless of my hormone regimen and body cycle.  ...   and yes, as you mentioned, WE ALL NEED TO KEEP TRYING TO BE BETTER PEOPLE, especially to our loved one and friends.

Thanks for sharing and posting on your thread with your Forums friends, readers and followers.
Hugs... more hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 22, 2019, 09:04:45 PM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on January 22, 2019, 11:44:31 AM
although up here when it is -30 def F, I don't care if it is dry and not windy it still is darn cold...  of course at those temps if the wind kicks up it can chill a person to the bone unless they are bundled up very well covering all exposed flesh with layers and layers of warm and appropriate clothing.
And we consider it to be very cold, when the temperature drops below 65º F!  This is an indicator to get the down coats out! 
We have the snowbirds living with us currently.  One can identify them very easy.  On a cold winter day as today, with temps barely hitting the low 70's, the locals were wearing warm clothings, while the snowbirds were walking around in shorts, t-shirts and Flip Flops!

I have a question about progesterone.  I got one of those creams from Amazon, the micronized stuff.  Where would I apply this to help my breasts to fill out a little better.  It says on the can to put it for 3 weeks twice a day on the lower abdomen, would another area of the body be more favorable for breast growth?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 23, 2019, 12:05:03 PM
insurance vent


My work is currently negotiating a 2019 insurance plan. I sent the head man an email outlining my issues and asking for a consideration in this matter.  I don't expect any good result, I had to try.

No replies necessary, I'm just venting and clearing my head.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 23, 2019, 12:19:39 PM
After an insurance fiasco yesterday I was pretty bummed. Couple that with getting back on the main drag during rush our and with road construction ... arrrgggg!!

I told Lori I couldn't handle it so we stopped at the mall. Oh yeah, spent money. I got new shoes, Lori got new shoes, we ate dinner (not too bad), and ... to top it off ... I decided to get my hair cut. Whew, so much better.

Much improved mood after that 3 hr break. The drive home was much better as well, the roads were basically empty. To top it off ... my girlie feeling never waned. I still felt like myself the whole time.

ps
Insurance sucks
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 23, 2019, 01:05:45 PM
Hi Faith,

I agree, insurance sucks. At least until you get on Medicare. I am now and it covers almost everything for me.

My wife however, has to purchase through the Healthcare marketplace and it really sucks. Especially if you want to keep seeing your regular doctors, which she does due to her breast cancer treatments. Fortunately, she was on my Cobra last year when diagnosed and it covered all but $2,000. If it happened now we'd be screwed. And I fear every day that we're going to need to pay for expensive tests to keep her healthy.

It's a shame that this country can't take care of it's own people first! At least that's my opinion!

I hope things work out for you.

Take care!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 23, 2019, 01:22:45 PM
Quote from: TonyaW on January 22, 2019, 08:14:46 AM

First suggestion is to switch to the micronized if you're not currently taking that. If you want to try a cycle, here's my suggestion as a pharmacist.

If you can remember when to stop and start, the cycle idea was to mimic a  28 day menstrual cycle with 21 days off then 7 days on.  That's kind of hard to keep track of so usually would cycle by taking it the first 10 days of each calendar month

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Can you make any recommendation on the best place to apply the OTC micronized progesterone cream?
The packaging says either on the inside of the wrist or the lower abdomen.  They recommend to apply it for 3 weeks, stop for a week and apply it again for 3 weeks.

But I read on the net that some people put it on the top of their boobs.
What do you feel the best location is for the stuff?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JanePlain on January 23, 2019, 06:32:44 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 23, 2019, 12:19:39 PM
After an insurance fiasco yesterday I was pretty bummed. Couple that with getting back on the main drag during rush our and with road construction ... arrrgggg!!

I told Lori I couldn't handle it so we stopped at the mall. Oh yeah, spent money. I got new shoes, Lori got new shoes, we ate dinner (not too bad), and ... to top it off ... I decided to get my hair cut. Whew, so much better.

Much improved mood after that 3 hr break. The drive home was much better as well, the roads were basically empty. To top it off ... my girlie feeling never waned. I still felt like myself the whole time.

ps
Insurance sucks

I totally feel for you.  The insurance world has to be the foulest group of people making a fortune doing as little as possible.   Keep up the good fight!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 24, 2019, 06:50:53 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/w2sd6ug.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 24, 2019, 07:12:46 AM
[emoji3590] WOW! [emoji3590]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 24, 2019, 07:32:24 AM
I love that pic, Faith!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 24, 2019, 07:57:50 AM
Thank you both. I didn't have anything to say, so I didn't. It is a today photo. Can you tell it's been cut?  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on January 24, 2019, 08:00:49 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 06:50:53 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/w2sd6ug.jpg)
Oh my - you are gorgeous! Is that a top or a dress? So pretty!


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 24, 2019, 08:07:03 AM
Quote from: SarahWithin on January 24, 2019, 08:00:49 AM
Oh my - you are gorgeous! Is that a top or a dress? So pretty!


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]

Thank you Sarah :icon_redface: and welcome to Susan's and also my corner of it. Knowing Danielle, she'll be a be along soon to read you the riot act inform you about Susan's with an official greeting.

It's a top. I have it matched up with a long, I think navy blue, comfy skirt
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 24, 2019, 08:29:56 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 06:50:53 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/w2sd6ug.jpg)
I just wish my hair would be half as nice as yours is!  I think you look great!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on January 24, 2019, 08:56:21 AM
Quote from: Dietlind on January 23, 2019, 01:22:45 PM
Can you make any recommendation on the best place to apply the OTC micronized progesterone cream?
The packaging says either on the inside of the wrist or the lower abdomen.  They recommend to apply it for 3 weeks, stop for a week and apply it again for 3 weeks.

But I read on the net that some people put it on the top of their boobs.
What do you feel the best location is for the stuff?
Not too familiar with the topical.  Its sold OTC as as cosmetic rather than a drug.  Not entirely sure how they can do it that way.  That said, I don't know that there is a best place to apply,  so it wouldn't hurt to try it on the breasts.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on January 24, 2019, 08:57:44 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 06:50:53 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/w2sd6ug.jpg)
Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 07:57:50 AM
Thank you both. I didn't have anything to say, so I didn't. It is a today photo. Can you tell it's been cut?  ;D
Ok back to you.  Hair looks great.  Knowing that you had it cut, yes I can tell.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Ericalaine on January 24, 2019, 09:52:56 AM
Gorgeous!!! Just one of the girls.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 24, 2019, 10:42:36 AM
Quote from: Ericalaine on January 24, 2019, 09:52:56 AM
Gorgeous!!! Just one of the girls.

Thank you Erica. Welcome to Susan's. I'm surprised you haven't received the new member manuscript. Don't worry, no one is exempt ... they'll find you :D

I really am starting to actually feel like one of the girls instead of just wanting to be one. Life, for the most part, is good.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on January 24, 2019, 10:51:32 AM
@SarahWithin

Quote from: SarahWithin on January 24, 2019, 08:00:49 AM
Oh my - you are gorgeous! Is that a top or a dress? So pretty!


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]

Hi Sarah 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica.
Yes Faith is gorgeous!

I see you're new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) Forum to tell the members about yourself!

If you are one of our younger members, please stop by the Youth Introductions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,544.0.html) Forum and get acquainted with us all!




Things that you should read


Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 24, 2019, 11:28:59 AM
Quote from: SarahWithin on January 24, 2019, 08:00:49 AM
Oh my - you are gorgeous! Is that a top or a dress? So pretty!


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]

@SarahWithin
Dear Sarah:
It is wonderful to see you, my old friend,  come back to the forums since your last visit here in November... 
I see that you have a new member name and are once again a new member of Susan's Place.

In addition to the Official Welcome that our lovely member and
Califorinia Girl  @Jessica just gave to you, please allow me to happily and warmly Re-Welcome You to Susan's Place and the Forums. 

Just as soon as I saw your signature line of  "Sarah From Chitown[emoji257]"   I knew for sure it was you.  We had so many nice message and comment exchanges over the 9 months that we frequently communicated on the Forums threads and PMs....   I will be most pleased if you feel that we can start doing that again and catch up on old times, but, please, only as you feel comfortable doing.

Hugs and many well wishes.... and I am glad to see that you have returned.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on January 24, 2019, 11:48:34 AM


Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 10:42:36 AM


I really am starting to actually feel like one of the girls instead of just wanting to be one. Life, for the most part, is good.

Forgot to mention it before, but that's also a better smile than usual for you. Think we know why now.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on January 24, 2019, 11:53:35 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on January 24, 2019, 11:28:59 AM
@SarahWithin
Dear Sarah:
It is wonderful to see you, my old friend,  come back to the forums since your last visit here in November... 
I see that you have a new member name and are once again a new member of Susan's Place.

In addition to the Official Welcome that our lovely member and
Califorinia Girl  @Jessica just gave to you, please allow me to happily and warmly Re-Welcome You to Susan's Place and the Forums. 

Just as soon as I saw your signature line of  "Sarah From Chitown[emoji257]"   I knew for sure it was you.  We had so many nice message and comment exchanges over the 9 months that we frequently communicated on the Forums threads and PMs....   I will be most pleased if you feel that we can start doing that again and catch up on old times, but, please, only as you feel comfortable doing.

Hugs and many well wishes.... and I am glad to see that you have returned.
Danielle
Hi Danielle-

I was hoping to hear from you! Yes, I'm back. I did it this way because I have a problem - I can't send or receive private messages or do a lot of things because I keep being asked to reply to a confirmation email that I've never received. I'm at a virtual standstill! Can you get word to Susan or Laurie for me? I know they can fix it do I'm functional again. Then I can see your latest Hunted Prey adventure ms, etc!

Thank you!

xx


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 24, 2019, 12:52:46 PM
I'll probably regret posting this. I don't have the exact date of the left photo. I think that it's pre-hrt, late 2017. The right is the one from today, obviously.

(https://i.imgur.com/kJAj3Hu.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on January 24, 2019, 12:56:21 PM
Quote from: SarahWithin on January 24, 2019, 11:53:35 AM
Hi Danielle-

I was hoping to hear from you! Yes, I'm back. I did it this way because I have a problem - I can't send or receive private messages or do a lot of things because I keep being asked to reply to a confirmation email that I've never received. I'm at a virtual standstill! Can you get word to Susan or Laurie for me? I know they can fix it do I'm functional again. Then I can see your latest Hunted Prey adventure ms, etc!

Thank you!

xx


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]

Hi Danielle - I got your private message, but I am unable to answer privately. In any case, to answer your questions, I would like both accounts merged and I would like the old account deleted after that. Also, I also have s new email address that I'd prefer to use. I certainly would like to be able to see everything and do everything I was able to do before. I don't know what that's going to take, but I know the good ladies that created and moderate this wonderful site will know exactly what to do. And so will you, if you are indeed in that verified place. So please, reactivate me! [emoji18] i'm dying to know what's happening with you and to catch up, indeed Every time I have Garretts popcorn, I think of you. [emoji8]


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on January 24, 2019, 12:58:04 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 12:52:46 PM
I'll probably regret posting this. I don't have the exact date of the left photo. I think that it's pre-hrt, late 2017. The right is the one from today, obviously.

(https://i.imgur.com/kJAj3Hu.jpg)

The HRT is working beautifully, hon!


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 24, 2019, 01:00:45 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 12:52:46 PM
I'll probably regret posting this. I don't have the exact date of the left photo. I think that it's pre-hrt, late 2017. The right is the one from today, obviously.

(https://i.imgur.com/kJAj3Hu.jpg)

Incredible! How the heck did you do that without FFS? I had to spend a ton of money to get even close to that kind of awesome change. Come on, what's your secret?!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 24, 2019, 01:03:24 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on January 24, 2019, 01:00:45 PM
Incredible! How the heck did you do that without FFS? I had to spend a ton of money to get even close to that kind of awesome change. Come on, what's your secret?!

Stephanie

fuzzy focus .. :D

Truthfully, I can't answer that. All I know is, looking at my old photos sure makes me feel a lot better about my new ones.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: randim on January 24, 2019, 01:07:15 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 12:52:46 PM
I'll probably regret posting this. I don't have the exact date of the left photo. I think that it's pre-hrt, late 2017. The right is the one from today, obviously.

(https://i.imgur.com/kJAj3Hu.jpg)

Faith hon, there's barely even a family resemblance. Faith 2.0 is quite lovely and feminine.  Your hair is beautiful, btw.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on January 24, 2019, 01:10:59 PM
Quote from: SarahWithin on January 24, 2019, 12:56:21 PM
Hi Danielle - I got your private message, but I am unable to answer privately. In any case, to answer your questions, I would like both accounts merged and I would like the old account deleted after that. Also, I also have s new email address that I'd prefer to use. I certainly would like to be able to see everything and do everything I was able to do before. I don't know what that's going to take, but I know the good ladies that created and moderate this wonderful site will know exactly what to do. And so will you, if you are indeed in that verified place. So please, reactivate me! [emoji18] i'm dying to know what's happening with you and to catch up, indeed Every time I have Garretts popcorn, I think of you. [emoji8]


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]

My dear Danielle,

Please put everything under my new account. Thank you!

xx


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 24, 2019, 02:11:18 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 12:52:46 PM
I'll probably regret posting this. I don't have the exact date of the left photo. I think that it's pre-hrt, late 2017. The right is the one from today, obviously.
Wow, Faith, I can kind of see the family resemblance between you on the right and your brother on the left, but it takes a bit of studying the two pics!  I find it hard to believe that it is the same person.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on January 24, 2019, 03:36:02 PM
It's a night and day difference and very much for the better Faith. You look very feminine and pretty.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 24, 2019, 03:43:55 PM
Quote from: TonyaW on January 24, 2019, 08:56:21 AM
Not too familiar with the topical.  Its sold OTC as as cosmetic rather than a drug.  Not entirely sure how they can do it that way.  That said, I don't know that there is a best place to apply,  so it wouldn't hurt to try it on the breasts.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Thanks, onto he boobs it will go!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 24, 2019, 03:46:58 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 12:52:46 PM
I'll probably regret posting this. I don't have the exact date of the left photo. I think that it's pre-hrt, late 2017. The right is the one from today, obviously.

(https://i.imgur.com/kJAj3Hu.jpg)
Th left one looks like a fem type guy with long hair!  The right one looks like a mature woman with gorgeous hair!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on January 24, 2019, 09:05:15 PM
Oh yeah there is some change there!  That guy kinda looks like he may be related but...
And yes I can see that your hair has been trimmed.  And that's the Faith smile we all love.  Beautiful!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on January 24, 2019, 09:27:37 PM

Good picture Faith. Yes you have had quite a few changes in appearance all for the good. But the best part of today's posts you have made is "I really am starting to actually feel like one of the girls instead of just wanting to be one."
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 25, 2019, 07:32:06 AM
Faith - You definitely look a lot more feminine now. It's only been 1 year HRT right? Just think how much more it will effect you in the next year!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 25, 2019, 12:34:11 PM
Katie, I'm just hitting 11 months. These past few months have made differences that even I can see. Especially when I look at my older photos.

Laurie, yes it's a real good feeling :)

I'd like to thank everyone their generous comments. I really appreciate it, not to mention that it's making me feel good (normally it would not .. more changes)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on January 25, 2019, 02:53:21 PM
Faith,

Well I just reached 8 months, so I hope I see the same improvement you did in the next 3!  :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 27, 2019, 07:35:58 AM
I am at a bit of loss for words so this will not in my usual style (which apparently I have, or so I'm told).

What a grueling session!! My therapist didn't dig so deep into my thoughts and desires and ... naaahhh .. not really.  I found the meet up and subsequent exchanges so easy and comfortable you'd think that we knew each other since forever rather than just met.

We thoroughly enjoyed their visit and were very saddened when we parted. We look forward to a return visit but, should that become unlikely or take too long, Lori and I are planning a visit their direction. They'll have no choice in the matter.

I wasn't going to say this, too uncomfortable ... I have never been called pretty or gorgeous so much in such a short time. Excellent photos were taken which I cannot share. I could only look for a few seconds. If Tia or Deb which to share any in the 'trip' thread, that's up to them and OK with me.

we've got errands to run, gotta go.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 27, 2019, 08:26:33 AM
Tia and Debi do have a way of making you feel like you've known them forever!  They are very perceptive.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 27, 2019, 08:31:25 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 27, 2019, 07:35:58 AM
I am at a bit of loss for words so this will not in my usual style (which apparently I have, or so I'm told).

What a grueling session!! My therapist didn't dig so deep into my thoughts and desires and ... naaahhh .. not really.  I found the meet up and subsequent exchanges so easy and comfortable you'd think that we knew each other since forever rather than just met.

We thoroughly enjoyed their visit and were very saddened when we parted. We look forward to a return visit but, should that become unlikely or take too long, Lori and I are planning a visit their direction. They'll have no choice in the matter.

I wasn't going to say this, too uncomfortable ... I have never been called pretty or gorgeous so much in such a short time. Excellent photos were taken which I cannot share. I could only look for a few seconds. If Tia or Deb which to share any in the 'trip' thread, that's up to them and OK with me.

we've got errands to run, gotta go.

Not much I can add to that, except, "yup!"

They're the best.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on January 27, 2019, 10:09:45 AM
Now you all stop that kind of talk you hear! You've gone and made me blush (a hard thing to do) and both of us cry (a very easy thing to do). Love you girls,

Tia Anne & Debi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on January 27, 2019, 12:19:00 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on January 27, 2019, 10:09:45 AM
Now you all stop that kind of talk you hear! You've gone and made me blush (a hard thing to do) and both of us cry (a very easy thing to do). Love you girls,

Tia Anne & Debi
I can't wait to meet both. Faith, I hope you and Lori are planning a West Coast trip in the fall. I would love to meet you both too.

Hugs ladies!

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 27, 2019, 12:35:21 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on January 27, 2019, 10:09:45 AM
Now you all stop that kind of talk you hear! You've gone and made me blush (a hard thing to do) and both of us cry (a very easy thing to do). Love you girls,

Tia Anne & Debi
But it still was nice having lunch with (and Faith) you yesterday!  I enjoyed it very much!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 27, 2019, 07:47:19 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on January 27, 2019, 10:09:45 AM
Now you all stop that kind of talk you hear! You've gone and made me blush (a hard thing to do) and both of us cry (a very easy thing to do). Love you girls,

Tia Anne & Debi

I would have liked to have seen the blush ... the tears, I can vouch for those. I thought I cried easily, I'm a barren desert in comparison. I say that with much affection :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 29, 2019, 06:35:40 AM
for those interested (all three crickets, they can make quite the chirping racket), I've managed to make a down swing. It's not a total surprise heading into the first week of the month (I may have to adjust to the last week of the month).

I'm bloated and have trouble resisting the urge to eat. YAY!! ?? ???  >:(

I do have an emergency stash ...

(https://i.imgur.com/hrevPSUm.jpg)

:D :D :D :D :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on January 29, 2019, 10:27:50 AM
Now really Faith, only three crickets? There are far more noise making chirpers out there that three. And why did the dark chocolate stay hidden during our visit?

Love you girls,
Tia Anne & Debi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 29, 2019, 10:31:41 AM
Quote from: Anne Blake on January 29, 2019, 10:27:50 AM
Now really Faith, only three crickets? There are far more noise making chirpers out there that three. And why did the dark chocolate stay hidden during our visit?

Love you girls,
Tia Anne & Debi

Ahh, Tia. Just look at that bag .. it's a single serving, it wouldn't have been fair.  :D :D :D

Miss you gals
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on January 29, 2019, 11:46:19 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 24, 2019, 12:52:46 PM
I'll probably regret posting this. I don't have the exact date of the left photo. I think that it's pre-hrt, late 2017. The right is the one from today, obviously.

(https://i.imgur.com/kJAj3Hu.jpg)

Faith, this is clear evidence that transitioning is working for you.
I'm so happy for you 🌸🌸🌸

Hugs and smiles from a California girl
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 29, 2019, 11:58:38 AM
 :) :) :)

Quote from: Jessica on January 29, 2019, 11:46:19 AM
Faith, this is clear evidence that transitioning is working for you.
I'm so happy for you

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

note: had to remove the flowers, they won't let me quote. I got the dreaded 'body of message left empty' error
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LauraE on January 29, 2019, 08:27:35 PM
Faith

you've made incredible progress. I'm so happy for you.

Laura
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 30, 2019, 07:44:42 AM
progress, it doesn't feel like it. I shouldn't even post but I need to get it out somewhere (and Facebook is NOT the place!!).

let's bullet point my current standings

1 - I cannot look at my face in photos for more the a few seconds at most, and that only with certain photos.
2 - I cannot look at full body photos ... at all
3 - NO MIRRORS!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 - I cannot accept or envision what other people say that they see. Oh, I accept that they see it, I cannot
5 - No insurance, none nada. Insurance to cover my needs is almost 2 grand a month. 1500 for limited coverage. Sure, work has cheap group - that covers almost nothing unless you're dying in the hospital. But that's enough to invalidate me for any government subsidy.
6 - This is bloat week, amongst other related issues .. highly emotional.
7 - I've been building up pressure inside, it came out last night. I had my first ever (I do mean ever) panic attack. I couldn't think, I could barely get out single words, I couldn't breathe then I hyperventilated. I beat my hands on my head, I rocked back and forth, I cried, I bawled, I sobbed. I couldn't stop.
8 - Lori hid all my jeans to prevent me from 'dressing down'. I'm at work in my last pair, which are hers, that have shiny rivets patterned all over them. I did manage to snag my oversize men's long sleeve shirt to cover up with
9 - I started to put on make-up this morning and wiped it off.
10 - my hair is tied back to hide it a bit
11 -
12 -
.... oh there's more, I have to stop

I don't belong here. The world doesn't want me to be me, why should I bother to try. Everything is stacked against me. I can't even cuss on here and I want to scream every word that I know

I have no faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 30, 2019, 08:56:06 AM
What can I say except:

I'm listening.
I've been there.
I know what it feels like.
I (and all the rest of us) love you.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on January 30, 2019, 09:53:34 AM


Quote from: Faith on January 30, 2019, 07:44:42 AM


I don't belong here. The world doesn't want me to be me, why should I bother to try. Everything is stacked against me. I can't even cuss on here and I want to scream every word that I know

I have no faith

Yes you belong here, we all do,  no matter what some ignorant people will say.

I know it can be hard sometimes but always remember that no matter what, you ARE Faith. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on January 30, 2019, 10:09:51 AM
You are Faith, and we all know you as Faith.  Your wife is married to Faith.
Faith is real.  And if you need a shoulder to cry or cuss on please feel free to use mine.  You know how to reach me and I'm here for you as you have been there for me.
I'm no stranger to your emotions, I have similar thoughts often enough.

QuoteI don't belong here. The world doesn't want me to be me, why should I bother to try. Everything is stacked against me. I can't even cuss on here and I want to scream every word that I know

I have no faith

Hugs, Jess



cc: @Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 30, 2019, 10:18:45 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 30, 2019, 07:44:42 AM
progress, it doesn't feel like it. I shouldn't even post but I need to get it out somewhere (and Facebook is NOT the place!!).

let's bullet point my current standings

1 - I cannot look at my face in photos for more the a few seconds at most, and that only with certain photos.
2 - I cannot look at full body photos ... at all
3 - NO MIRRORS!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 - I cannot accept or envision what other people say that they see. Oh, I accept that they see it, I cannot
5 - No insurance, none nada. Insurance to cover my needs is almost 2 grand a month. 1500 for limited coverage. Sure, work has cheap group - that covers almost nothing unless you're dying in the hospital. But that's enough to invalidate me for any government subsidy.
6 - This is bloat week, amongst other related issues .. highly emotional.
7 - I've been building up pressure inside, it came out last night. I had my first ever (I do mean ever) panic attack. I couldn't think, I could barely get out single words, I couldn't breathe then I hyperventilated. I beat my hands on my head, I rocked back and forth, I cried, I bawled, I sobbed. I couldn't stop.
8 - Lori hid all my jeans to prevent me from 'dressing down'. I'm at work in my last pair, which are hers, that have shiny rivets patterned all over them. I did manage to snag my oversize men's long sleeve shirt to cover up with
9 - I started to put on make-up this morning and wiped it off.
10 - my hair is tied back to hide it a bit
11 -
12 -
.... oh there's more, I have to stop

I don't belong here. The world doesn't want me to be me, why should I bother to try. Everything is stacked against me. I can't even cuss on here and I want to scream every word that I know

I have no faith
Dear Faith
I told one of my girl friends about our lunch last Saturday, and she asked what is her name, and I said Faith.  She said what a beautiful name!  I hope that you will introduce me to Faith one day, a person with this name must be beautiful!

And that is who you are, a beautiful looking older woman (and I still wish I would have your hair).  I sat across from you for several hours last Saturday, and all I saw was a good looking woman, with gorgeous hair and very soft, feminine facial features.
You are a woman, you can try to tell yourself whatever, you are still a woman and still look like one!  I am not know to do sweet talk (after all, I am German), I say it as I see it!

I personally see nothing wrong in playing a man once in a while, I played it for so long, it is a role I am well versed in.

I went around as a guy for the last two days, because being a guy those two days was beneficial for certain things I wanted to achieve.  I know that many trans woman can't do this as easy as I can, but I wonder if this would ease your pain a little?????????

What makes you think that the world does not want you?  I enjoyed your company a lot and hope that we can meet each other many more times!  After all, older girls like us have to stick together!
You belong into this world as much as I do belong in it, and I feel very well embedded in it!
Just stop he negative thoughts already, and be the lovely lady again who I meet last Saturday!  There are always ways to figure it out and do it!
I like you a lot, and hope that we can become real good girl friends!
Hugs
Linde
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on January 30, 2019, 02:47:28 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 30, 2019, 07:44:42 AM
I don't belong here. The world doesn't want me to be me, why should I bother to try. Everything is stacked against me. I can't even cuss on here and I want to scream every word that I know

Faith, I am sorry you are having a down spell.  Of course you belong here.  I get that you have trouble with mirrors and photos, but the world wants you, and we want you.  You are a beautiful woman.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: randim on January 30, 2019, 03:11:02 PM
Faith, I am so sorry you feel horrible.  Try to remember that you are much, much more than a photograph or a reflection in a mirror.  I don't know you well, but as I understand it, you have friends and family that love and accept Faith, including your spouse.  That very much counts as part of the world.  Indeed, that is by far the most important part of the world.  Trust their judgement. Their eyes are as good as yours, and there are more of them.  I hope you start feeling better soon.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 30, 2019, 05:35:33 PM
Thanks all for your support. I don't know how long this downswing will last. I know it's been building for over a week, almost two. I lost it last night, it was bad. Today is the remnants of that.

I'll be ok eventually. I know this because we had to take the car to the shop .. I got sir'd ... It didn't bother me too badly, I'll tell you why.

I believe that I mentioned being a subject for discussion at my daughter's work. Questions galore as they try to keep up with my progress.

Well, we had to go by there tonight to pick up the car to take to the shop. As soon as I walked in I heard, quite loudly, Mrs Papa!! Mrs Papa is here !!!  One of the co-workers remembered what my granddaughter was calling me. Embarrassing, affirming, I smiled .. a lot.

She also told my daughter that I looked much better in person.

I have to go, I can't keep typing on my stupid phone, I spend most of my time correcting typos.

FAITH
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Sophiaprincess2019 on January 30, 2019, 06:26:28 PM
Faith, everyone here is in your corner...ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. We share a common thread woven in to a fabric we call acceptance.

Sophia
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on January 30, 2019, 06:51:16 PM
Faith, have some chocolate.  It's good for moods and tasty too.  Works for me.
Hugs.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 31, 2019, 07:51:29 AM
I'm a little better today. Lori and I talked last night so I could vent and clear the air. I know there is one thing that builds and stresses. There's nothing that we can do about it. I have to learn to deal with it.

... someday ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on January 31, 2019, 08:14:38 AM
Oh, no Faith! I am so sorry about the last episode of a downswing. I really hope it blows over soon. It does seem your episodes are shorter in duration compared to a few months ago. That is a good sign. They also seem to take longer breaks where you feel good. Also a good sign and hope for you!

Thanks for letting us know you are better.

Mrs. Papa is great! Gives me some hope since my kid also calls me Papa... At least Papa Sarah.

Stay strong Faith! You have Lori and many friends you can lean on and who are willing to help you through the dark days.

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 31, 2019, 09:00:44 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 31, 2019, 07:51:29 AM
I'm a little better today. Lori and I talked last night so I could vent and clear the air. I know there is one thing that builds and stresses. There's nothing that we can do about it. I have to learn to deal with it.

... someday ...
We have our group meeting on Saturday, come and join us!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 31, 2019, 11:08:10 AM
Quote from: Dietlind on January 31, 2019, 09:00:44 AM
We have our group meeting on Saturday, come and join us!

I communicated with the hostess. The plan is to be there.



CRAP!!  I tried to take a body length selfie. All it did was make me feel worse and made me cover up. Now I'm stuck at work with no way to change.
CRAP!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on January 31, 2019, 11:24:45 AM
Quote from: Faith on January 31, 2019, 11:08:10 AM
I communicated with the hostess. The plan is to be there.



CRAP!!  I tried to take a body length selfie. All it did was make me feel worse and made me cover up. Now I'm stuck at work with no way to change.
CRAP!!

Has anyone made negative comments at work?  If not, why worry about it, and even then, why are they controlling your thoughts, if that's the case.
I suggest, keep smiling, know that you are who you are and do not let public pressures dictate how you feel.  Negativity is usually in the minority in most cases and is not the way most feel.  Positivity increases as you realize this.
Internal pressures can be compounded and get out of control if you let outside pressures by a very few get in your head.  And remember, most people are not dwelling on others, but are mainly focused on their own personal issues.
Also....avoid the selfies.  In general they can never portray your real self.

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 31, 2019, 01:42:17 PM
no negative comments, no negative looks, all the negative is in my head.

that being said, I still take the selfies, at least the facial. As Michelle puts it, 'I need to re-write the image in my head'. I'm working on it.
For example, this is a 'him' photo that I just took a few minutes ago:

(https://i.imgur.com/pe67a5m.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on January 31, 2019, 01:45:41 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 31, 2019, 01:42:17 PMthis is a 'him' photo that I just took a few minutes ago:

You need to work on your camera skills. He must be standing behind the pretty lady in front.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on January 31, 2019, 03:32:12 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 31, 2019, 01:42:17 PM
no negative comments, no negative looks, all the negative is in my head.

that being said, I still take the selfies, at least the facial. As Michelle puts it, 'I need to re-write the image in my head'. I'm working on it.
For example, this is a 'him' photo that I just took a few minutes ago:

(https://i.imgur.com/pe67a5m.jpg)
What him? All I see is a beautiful lady! I think the only thing you have to accept and learn to live with is being beautiful.


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 31, 2019, 03:37:05 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on January 31, 2019, 01:45:41 PM
You need to work on your camera skills. He must be standing behind the pretty lady in front.

Quote from: SarahWithin on January 31, 2019, 03:32:12 PM
What him? All I see is a beautiful lady! I think the only thing you have to accept and learn to live with is being beautiful.


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]

:)

I will admit, I do see a bit of her in there. It makes for a nice change and a positive way to finish up the work day.

Sarah, I see you got your posts back. Your profile picture looks a lot like a gal friend that we know.

pretty and beautiful. I do have to work on accepting when I'm told that. It seems to happen quite a lot despite my denials.  thank you both
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on January 31, 2019, 04:33:51 PM
I hope your gal friend is nice. It's not me, but I wish I lived near you - I'd be a LOT warmer! Faith, dear, put your avatar back!!!

[emoji18]


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on January 31, 2019, 05:07:11 PM
Quote from: SarahWithin on January 31, 2019, 04:33:51 PM
I hope your gal friend is nice. It's not me, but I wish I lived near you - I'd be a LOT warmer! Faith, dear, put your avatar back!!!

[emoji18]


Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]

we aren't adverse to visitors :)

avatar, no, sorry. I can't. Not yet. I'm not ready to stare at myself again.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on January 31, 2019, 06:23:40 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 31, 2019, 11:08:10 AM
I communicated with the hostess. The plan is to be there.



CRAP!!  I tried to take a body length selfie. All it did was make me feel worse and made me cover up. Now I'm stuck at work with no way to change.
CRAP!!
Great, see you there!  Did you talk to Eva?  She is my therapist!

And if you don't watch it, I'll sneak up behind you and steal your hair!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 01, 2019, 03:16:01 PM
  I woke up this morning got ready for work. I managed a bit of mascara before I stopped.  I put on my comfy skirt and top .. it would have been jeans and shirt except, for some reason, I don't have any jeans. The drive to work was long and dark, figuratively. I made it to work early, no make-up is a time saver. With nothing to do all I had was to sit there and dwell on my own thoughts. I didn't have any specific ones, my mind drifted .. down .. down .. I kept fighting back tears. Wander around, think dark thoughts, try not to break down.
  Around 8:30a Sarah1972 (sorry, mentions don't work) sent me an email checking on me, expressing worry. I almost replied fine, then I didn't and replied with the truth. 'SHE' was missing, 'HE' wasn't in there either. I was drifting in nothing in darkness. 'HE' is there in the mirror, 'SHE' is nowhere to be found.
  I managed 5 hours before texting my wife asking if I could come home. Asking, like I needed permission. I just couldn't take it any more. Of course she said yes. She was at the car shop. I met her there to go to lunch. We talked a bit over lunch, mostly how I felt. No details (public place). It still helped. I communicated with Sarah a bit at the same time.
  Lunch was over, go to the register to pay for it .. I get ma'am'd :) Caught a waiter looking at me .. I'd really like to know what people are thinking sometimes. Well, maybe not.

We wandered some shops after lunch. No purchasing just time spent with my lady. I even managed an accidental dial to Sarah. I got to her hear voice for a few seconds before the signal cut out.

I'm feeling better thanks to Sarah and Lori. I don't know how long it will last. I'm pretty sure this time of the month has compounded an already unstable mood.

TGIF
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on February 01, 2019, 10:49:44 PM
My dear Faith -

It is heartbreaking reading this post. It sometimes feels the "old" us does not want to leave without a little fight and this can be very challenging. All we can hope is that these visits will become less and less frequent.

The time of the months - yes, that can certainly play a big role. I am more than surprised how much of impact hormones have and how much levels change during the months. You may want to look if this does line up with some of your previous dark times. Are you cycling progesterone? Or using injection Estrogen? Cycling these can much more simulate the hormonal levels of cis women, with some of the difficulties associated. If you do cycle progesterone you could talk to your doctor about taking them every day to maybe relieve some of the symptoms.

I am so glad Lori was there to catch you today. And I am sure being ma'am'd has put a smile on your face.

We are often our own worst critics - which is surprising, in the past at least I did not care about my appearance.

I hope you will get better soon and I am glad you reached out.

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Faith on February 01, 2019, 03:16:01 PM
  I woke up this morning got ready for work. I managed a bit of mascara before I stopped.  I put on my comfy skirt and top .. it would have been jeans and shirt except, for some reason, I don't have any jeans. The drive to work was long and dark, figuratively. I made it to work early, no make-up is a time saver. With nothing to do all I had was to sit there and dwell on my own thoughts. I didn't have any specific ones, my mind drifted .. down .. down .. I kept fighting back tears. Wander around, think dark thoughts, try not to break down.
  Around 8:30a Sarah1972 (sorry, mentions don't work) sent me an email checking on me, expressing worry. I almost replied fine, then I didn't and replied with the truth. 'SHE' was missing, 'HE' wasn't in there either. I was drifting in nothing in darkness. 'HE' is there in the mirror, 'SHE' is nowhere to be found.
  I managed 5 hours before texting my wife asking if I could come home. Asking, like I needed permission. I just couldn't take it any more. Of course she said yes. She was at the car shop. I met her there to go to lunch. We talked a bit over lunch, mostly how I felt. No details (public place). It still helped. I communicated with Sarah a bit at the same time.
  Lunch was over, go to the register to pay for it .. I get ma'am'd :) Caught a waiter looking at me .. I'd really like to know what people are thinking sometimes. Well, maybe not.

We wandered some shops after lunch. No purchasing just time spent with my lady. I even managed an accidental dial to Sarah. I got to her hear voice for a few seconds before the signal cut out.

I'm feeling better thanks to Sarah and Lori. I don't know how long it will last. I'm pretty sure this time of the month has compounded an already unstable mood.

TGIF
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on February 03, 2019, 07:36:43 AM
Sorry I haven't been visiting your thread for the past two weeks Faith. As you may have heard, I've been a bit busy taking care of Ava. She is getting better to her normal routine. I hope you are well girl [emoji3590]. I'll catch up soon.

Hugs,
Donica.

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 03, 2019, 07:50:42 AM
Quote from: Donica on February 03, 2019, 07:36:43 AM
Sorry I haven't been visiting your thread for the past two weeks Faith. As you may have heard, I've been a bit busy taking care of Ava. She is getting better to her normal routine. I hope you are well girl [emoji3590]. I'll catch up soon.

Hugs,
Donica.

no apologies necessary. Take care of your friend. nothing going on for me but depression and moodiness. no one wants to hear all my dark thoughts. I doubt that I could put it into words in any case. I can sum up some of it ... 'I'll never be me'
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 03, 2019, 11:27:31 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 03, 2019, 07:50:42 AM
no apologies necessary. Take care of your friend. nothing going on for me but depression and moodiness. no one wants to hear all my dark thoughts. I doubt that I could put it into words in any case. I can sum up some of it ... 'I'll never be me'
Lighten up girl!  Remember, you have friends who very much feel that "you are you"! (I still would want to sneak up on you and steal your hair!)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 04, 2019, 06:40:53 AM
if hair was all it took I wouldn't feel this miserable. I have no control over my thoughts. Distractions are the only things that work, too bad they don't solve anything. Every morning starts dark fighting my way to something, anything to shed some light. Then the day is over and the dark comes. Do it all again.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on February 04, 2019, 08:13:29 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 04, 2019, 06:40:53 AM
if hair was all it took I wouldn't feel this miserable. I have no control over my thoughts. Distractions are the only things that work, too bad they don't solve anything. Every morning starts dark fighting my way to something, anything to shed some light. Then the day is over and the dark comes. Do it all again.
But its Faith that gets to do it all again. It wasn't always like that and am I correct in thinking that is part of the problem?

You said this once

Yes, I'm Faith. I know it with every fiber of my being.

So go out and be Faith, its who you are.
Every morning tell yourself "I get to be Faith today".



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 04, 2019, 05:10:45 PM
Quote from: TonyaW on February 04, 2019, 08:13:29 AMBut its Faith that gets to do it all again
Yes, that's true. Faith is in charge. Even when she feels lost, he's nowhere to be found. The nothing is hard sometimes, at least I know that the nothing will be filled up with her.

QuoteYou said this once
QuoteYes, I'm Faith. I know it with every fiber of my being.
Yes I am, Yes I do.

QuoteSo go out and be Faith, its who you are.
Every morning tell yourself "I get to be Faith today".

Faith ... yes, always Faith. That's not where the darkness is though. No woman in the mirror, no Faith in the mirror.  No woman in the physicals. My body is a lie, a sham, hide it behind pretty stuff .. doesn't help, my mind knows whats in there.

Actually, I feel a little better tonight. The pattern is still holding, dark in the morning, fight my way out, start all over the next morning.

I stopped my progesterone. I need to see if it is aggravating my depressed thoughts with moodiness. It started to get real bad at the same time I started taking it ... coincidence? We'll see.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 04, 2019, 05:14:56 PM
on another note (thus I made an extra post). I took my second injection tonight. The needles are 1.5" long O.O The one I used the first time was only 1". I switched to an extra 1" that I had, I'll send them a question about the longer ones. I have skinny legs.

Here's hoping it kicks in good for a better day tomorrow
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on February 04, 2019, 05:57:07 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 04, 2019, 05:14:56 PM
on another note (thus I made an extra post). I took my second injection tonight. The needles are 1.5" long O.O The one I used the first time was only 1". I switched to an extra 1" that I had, I'll send them a question about the longer ones. I have skinny legs.

Here's hoping it kicks in good for a better day tomorrow

Faith!  I'm a needlephobe.  I can't even look at them on the tv.  You certainly are braver than I am! 

Oof!
Hugs and smiles from a California girl
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 04, 2019, 06:44:43 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 04, 2019, 05:10:45 PM

I stopped my progesterone. I need to see if it is aggravating my depressed thoughts with moodiness. It started to get real bad at the same time I started taking it ... coincidence? We'll see.
Do you use spiro?  I have the feeling that it makes me lethargic and kind of listless.  After my lab results I know now that I don't need it to block testosterone (one can't block stuff that is not there), but I seem to still need an diuretic, and want to switch from spiro to something different.
I thought, if you use spiro, it might have a negative mood effect on you, too?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 04, 2019, 06:55:58 PM
Quote from: Jessica on February 04, 2019, 05:57:07 PM
Faith!  I'm a needlephobe.

Me too! Since I've switched to E injections, I haven't yet had to stick myself. I have a girlfriend who's happy to stab me, Kendra did it in Spain, and the nurses at my doctors office have done it a few times. I really need to get used to doing it myself, but I used to pass out when they'd draw blood, so it won't be an easy thing to learn to do.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on February 04, 2019, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 04, 2019, 06:55:58 PM
Me too! Since I've switched to E injections, I haven't yet had to stick myself. I have a girlfriend who's happy to stab me, Kendra did it in Spain, and the nurses at my doctors office have done it a few times. I really need to get used to doing it myself, but I used to pass out when they'd draw blood, so it won't be an easy thing to learn to do.

Stephanie

Me too!
Once at an examination I felt light headed because my Dr. was talking about me needing a blood test (unrelated to hrt).  He sped me off to the hospital in an ambulance thinking I was having a heart attack.  He called my wife, who asked "were you talking about needles?"  That's all it was.

Oof!

Now I have to just turn my head and close my eyes.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 04, 2019, 07:06:16 PM
The hardest part is thinking about it.
Gather things up, the vial, the syringe with needle, the needle to draw the dosage out, alcohol wipes.

Clean your hands, swab the area, swap needles, draw your dosage, swap needles back ... Lots of time to think.

Then stab, squeeze, done. Nothing to it.

  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on February 04, 2019, 07:07:38 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 04, 2019, 07:06:16 PM
The hardest part is thinking about it.
Gather things up, the vial, the syringe with needle, the needle to draw the dosage out, alcohol wipes.

Clean your hands, swab the area, swap needles, draw your dosage, swap needles back ... Lots of time to think.

Then stab, squeeze, done. Nothing to it.

  ;D

Aaaack!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 04, 2019, 07:23:47 PM
Quote from: Jessica on February 04, 2019, 07:07:38 PM
Aaaack!

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190205/f5616e1e615d42106f0fc805a98e0d65.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on February 04, 2019, 08:56:37 PM


Quote from: Faith on February 04, 2019, 05:10:45 PM
Yes, that's true. Faith is in charge. Even when she feels lost, he's nowhere to be found. The nothing is hard sometimes, at least I know that the nothing will be filled up with her.

Yes I am, Yes I do.

Faith ... yes, always Faith. That's not where the darkness is though. No woman in the mirror, no Faith in the mirror.  No woman in the physicals. My body is a lie, a sham, hide it behind pretty stuff .. doesn't help, my mind knows whats in there.

Actually, I feel a little better tonight. The pattern is still holding, dark in the morning, fight my way out, start all over the next morning.

I stopped my progesterone. I need to see if it is aggravating my depressed thoughts with moodiness. It started to get real bad at the same time I started taking it ... coincidence? We'll see.

Funny, I'm usually pretty good in the morning and if I have issues its later at night. 

I had depression issues first go on the progesterone. I was taking the cheap not as good medroxyprogesterone tablets though.  I've not had those issues in two months on the micronized progesterone capsules.

Quote from: Faith on February 04, 2019, 05:14:56 PM
on another note (thus I made an extra post). I took my second injection tonight. The needles are 1.5" long O.O The one I used the first time was only 1". I switched to an extra 1" that I had, I'll send them a question about the longer ones. I have skinny legs.

Here's hoping it kicks in good for a better day tomorrow

1&1/2 inch needles were the standard when I was giving flu shots. We saved the one inch needles for the tiny little old ladies.

And for you needlephobes,

I'd always get some joker trying tell me they were allergic to needles. I'd tell them too bad, cause if they had a reaction I was going to stick them two more times with EpiPens.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 05, 2019, 05:49:35 AM
I belatedly passed out after giving myself the shot. It was about 11 PM. Good thing I was in bed already.
...... hmm, where's the walk-away-n-whistle emoji? .....



bad humor, it's an escape of mine. I seem to have a lot to try to escape recently. I could only take a glimpse of my full face this morning .. I looked old. I know, I am old. I mean I looked oooooollllldah.

Full body, nope, didn't even try. No point in pressing my luck. I don't feel quite as bad this morning (except a severe pressure headache) and I didn't want to spiral. It's not like my body shape miraculously changed while I was sleeping .. err .. passed out.

Typical evening last night, we walked, talked, picked up the grandbaby (not a baby anymore really, she's 2.5 yrs and a terror). We took her home for bedtime. We were going to walk some more but the evening got away from us. Which means, yep, I'm still fat. I need to lose 8-10 lbs. Instead it's hanging on my belly like a pregnant woman. Can't wear anything slinky!! ewwww !!!!

What ...? no body shaming? It's my body. I can shame myself if I want to.

I'm going to try to go to the park tonight, play some music. It's a plan for now, we'll see what the afternoon brings.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on February 05, 2019, 08:04:45 AM
I'll team up with you on the weight loss. I have to lose double your goal....

I was made aware of it when a random person on the street walked up to me and congratulated me on awaiting my second child (I was walking with my daughter).

Then again during my mammogram they asked 3 times if I could be pregnant...

We have to keep in mind that we go through the same body image issues than a girl in puberty: breast to small, to fat and more. It is hard to accept yourself...

I hope your day turns out better!

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 05, 2019, 08:11:11 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 05, 2019, 05:49:35 AM
I belatedly passed out after giving myself the shot. It was about 11 PM. Good thing I was in bed already.

Uh huh. I see what you did there.

I hate it when someone asks me how I slept. I don't know, I was unconscious!

QuoteI'm going to try to go to the park tonight, play some music. It's a plan for now, we'll see what the afternoon brings.

Rock on, momma! From what I hear, you'll be among friends. Music and accepting people are a hard combination to beat.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 05, 2019, 01:56:16 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 05, 2019, 05:49:35 AM

Full body, nope, didn't even try. No point in pressing my luck. I don't feel quite as bad this morning (except a severe pressure headache) and I didn't want to spiral. It's not like my body shape miraculously changed while I was sleeping .. err .. passed out.
I always bragged that I have no dysphoria, at least that's what I thought until now (as of this morning).  Stepping out of the shower, I looked for the first time in a long while at my junk, knowing that part of it will go in a few days, and I almost had to throw up, seeing this stuff down there!  Luckily, I had my session with Eva (my therapist) this morning, and she helped me to get over it!  She feels that I need SRS ASAP, because it is really bad for me now.
QuoteWhich means, yep, I'm still fat. I need to lose 8-10 lbs. Instead it's hanging on my belly like a pregnant woman. Can't wear anything slinky!! ewwww !!!!

What ...? no body shaming? It's my body. I can shame myself if I want to.
You need to loose only wimpy 8 to 10 lbs, I need to loose 20 to 25 of them!.  My belly is not that bad, it is those darn love handles with me.  I have no waist because of them!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 06, 2019, 06:03:46 AM
I managed to play some music last night. Struggled a bit remembering some of the songs. I haven't played that long so it's not ingrained like it is for those playing 50+ years. I started playing bass at, hmm, +-52? I'm 58 now with intermittent playing, not everyday.

I stayed to the back and stuck to just playing. They asked if I was going to sing, I said no. They write names on a board for turns and I knew they'd write the wrong name. I did sing one song at the end of the evening because Lori had come by and was sitting right in front - mistake. Not the singing, I guess I still do that OK, no it was the name announce, several times, prior to getting up .. ARRRGGGHHH ... I fell apart. I barely made it to the end of the song, botched the tag line. I was shaking so badly that I could hardly play the last song.

Back up
When I first got there ... I was sitting on my tailgate (subaru baja) waiting for people. One friend sauntered over. Well, saunter is a loose term he's over 90 and struggles walking. Anyways, he comes over to say Hi, how's it going guy. I replied simply with 'guy doesn't really fit. He goes, yeah, I know. What name you want to be called .. Faith .. it's hard. He asked about surgery - eyes widened when I told him the cost. We chatted a bit more before he walked off. He called me Faith many times that evening. What's that about old dogs? Some old dogs are smart.

Any of you remember creepy hugger? ... Well, he came up to me as I was setting up and said hi. I just said OK.  He wandered off then wandered back a few minutes later to tell me not to worry about what others might say, be myself. I told him that I don't have any issues with anyone there except they use the wrong name. He said, "I've known you as John and that's what I'm going to call you". I replied simple, "If you call me John, I won't answer or listen. John is the name that I was given, Faith is who I am. I prefer to be called Faith".  He had no answer.

Lori was approached by a mutual friend that also sings, she's older as well. She asked Lori point blank what I preferred to be called. She's never had a problem with me, I wonder why she didn't ask me. Afraid of insulting me, I guess.

Three down, thousands  ... hundreds? ... a few to go.

As for the name trigger, I managed to get it under control before I got home rather than let it eat at me. Progress, I think. When I first came out to Lori, and first reading the forums, I could not understand why people were having such a problem with deadnames and pronouns. I've learned the hard way. I never thought that it would bother me so much. It can be devastating.

I'm not so miserable today. Not bouncy happy, not miserable. It's a start.

Without going into story details (sarah1972 knows :D ), apparently from the back I "look mighty fine"  :o O.O  :o
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 06, 2019, 07:20:08 AM
so, maybe time for a photo? We'll see how it goes ....

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/v3HUdYN.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on February 06, 2019, 07:26:25 AM
Thanks for your post. It really is some small step progress you are feeling a bit better.

I am happy you have managed to go out and play some music. The dead naming sucks and is hard to get through. I am always puzzled who picks it up well and who just cannot manage to get it right. It is still a big step for you: putting yourself out there. And most have tried and asked how you want to be named. I am very moved by the 90 year old instantly picking up on it.

You walking to the microphone to sing for your love Lori shows how much she means to you and she seem to be a very special person.

The ones of us whose partner has not run away screaming have to appreciate all the efforts they make and hopefully they acknowledge some of the sacrifices we make to ease the burden of our transition. It is a give and take.

Yes, I do remember the "mighty fine" story. I am still smiling about it feeling very happy for you!

Hope the remainder of your day will be on the upside.

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on February 06, 2019, 07:27:46 AM
Yeah! Looking great this morning Faith!!!

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Faith on February 06, 2019, 07:20:08 AM
so, maybe time for a photo? We'll see how it goes ....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on February 06, 2019, 09:02:04 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 06, 2019, 07:20:08 AM
so, maybe time for a photo? We'll see how it goes ....

Faith, you are looking "mighty fine" from  the front, as well.  You are likely aware, many woman would dearly love to have that hair.  Your face has gotten softer in its lines and your cheeks have filled out over the months.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 06, 2019, 09:10:54 AM
Quote from: sarah1972 on February 06, 2019, 07:27:46 AM
Yeah! Looking great this morning Faith!!!

:)

Quote from: Michelle_P on February 06, 2019, 09:02:04 AM
Faith, you are looking "mighty fine" from  the front, as well.  You are likely aware, many woman would dearly love to have that hair.  Your face has gotten softer in its lines and your cheeks have filled out over the months.

:)

My hair, such a burden to wear. You think it looks good? You should see it after the wind gets ahold of it .. ACK!!  :D

I'd give up my hair and wear a wig yesterday if I could have the rest of me feminized. That may sound like blasphemy to some of you yet it's true. Not that I want to give up my hair, it's just secondary to the rest of it.

I say that yet I don't think I could actually give up my hair. So, here I am, stuck doing things the slow way or the no way. *sigh*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 06, 2019, 09:13:20 AM
Faith, I did not know that you are a performing musician!  I am soooo tone deaf, my dog would be better in playing any instrument than I am!  You are so lucky that you can have music as an outlet!  And you are double lucky that you still have Lori at your side.  I have my dog only!

I would really like it a lot,  and come to hear you the next time you do some musical performance.  I like to listen to all kinds of music, but can not do anything in this field!  I was even forbidden to sing, because my wife and son were afraid that my singing would kill our canary bird!
Would you please be so nice and let me know when and where you perform the next time?  I would really want to come and listen!

By the way, you look great in that new picture.  Do i need to say anything about your hair???   >:-) :angel:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Chloe on February 06, 2019, 09:48:47 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 06, 2019, 06:03:46 AM
I managed to play some music last night.

Faith, I've got an electric that needs new strings, been in the closet (like us?) FOREVER! Church has great bands/music every Sunday wanna learn so bad! Been on a kick listening to same Winwood/Clapton (http://youtube.com/watch?v=VT-SFgkVlno&feature=youtu.be) all morning . . .

;) ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 06, 2019, 09:53:42 AM
Quote from: Chloe on February 06, 2019, 09:48:47 AM
Faith, I've got an electric that needs new strings, been in the closet (like us?) FOREVER! Church has great bands/music every Sunday wanna learn so bad! Been on a kick listening to same Winwood/Clapton (http://youtube.com/watch?v=VT-SFgkVlno&feature=youtu.be) all morning . . .

;) ;D

guitars don't belong in the closet and neither do we. Take it out and put new strings on it (they're cheap). Changing strings is easy ... don't think so? just check out youtube for the how-to. then LEARN TO PLAY

personally, I don't play 6-string ( I have refinished and rebuilt quite a few). Although I could learn easy enough I just never cared for it. I play bass like my Dad did.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on February 06, 2019, 10:15:25 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 06, 2019, 07:20:08 AM
so, maybe time for a photo? We'll see how it goes ....
Faith, you're beautiful! I love your hair! I hope that you'll have a really good day today. You deserve it.


Hugs x 2,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on February 06, 2019, 10:30:41 AM
Good morning Faith,

The picture looks lovely as always (yes, from my perspective of course). Your hair is beautiful as usual but your smile this morning shows a peace and a hope, it looks good on you.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 06, 2019, 10:33:19 AM
Quote from: SarahWithin on February 06, 2019, 10:15:25 AM
Faith, you're beautiful! I love your hair! I hope that you'll have a really good day today. You deserve it.


Hugs x 2,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]

:icon_redface: :icon_redface:

Thank you. The mirror isn't being too unkind either for a change. My hair though  ::) it's a good thing it doesn't have any flavor, I do tend to chew on it a lot. Both sides are just long enough to curl into my mouth. The back is longer due to previous trimming of bangs when that guy couldn't handle it.

Here's a shot of the back from the other day. A bit straight and also still shorter than I want it to be. The store lighting wasn't very flattering either. My hair reflects what's around it.

(https://i.imgur.com/4Xt6Yaf.jpg)




Quote from: Anne Blake on February 06, 2019, 10:30:41 AM
Good morning Faith,

The picture looks lovely as always (yes, from my perspective of course). Your hair is beautiful as usual but your smile this morning shows a peace and a hope, it looks good on you.

Tia Anne

You posted while I was typing. Yes, I feel more hopeful today. Must be that after-the-monthly-upswing. Thanks you for noticing :) Love and hugs to you both, since I'm sure you're letting Deb look over your shoulder :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 07, 2019, 06:29:25 AM
I can't look at myself at all today. Usually a few seconds is OK. Take a selfie, glance then close or share, done. Not today. I reviewed my previous posts and caught my photo .. I had to scroll away before I started crying. The same thing happened with a selfie this morning, I had to close it right away. Why can't I see me.

I feel like 'guy face' is exuding out of me, all I see is the guy in the photo, it distresses me.
My wife misses the guy and can only see the girl and it causes her distress. Don't get me wrong, she likes the gal. She misses the guy.

why can't it reverse itself so that we both feel good?

And I'm in such a much better mood today too (excluding this freakin' headache). We both got massages and adjustments yesterday to ease the body and mind. Well, one out of two ain't bad ... is it?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 08, 2019, 09:35:07 AM
I'm in a good mood, why am I so sad
I'm in a good mood, why am I crying
I know why and I can't say.
Others know why and they won't say.

It's a burden that I created for myself.
It's a burden that I passed on to others.
I didn't try to share the burden, it got away from me

I'm sorry

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 08, 2019, 10:34:01 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 08, 2019, 09:35:07 AM
I'm in a good mood, why am I so sad
I'm in a good mood, why am I crying
I know why and I can't say.
Others know why and they won't say.

It's a burden that I created for myself.
It's a burden that I passed on to others.
I didn't try to share the burden, it got away from me

I'm sorry
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Please let me make this very clear...
All of us here, at one time or another, share our burdens here on the Forums.
Your thread's followers are here to support you and to encourage you... offering our ears to listen and our shoulders to lean on.  Here there are many like-minded members that are eager to come to you side during your difficult times... and when you have good moments we will rejoice with you.
Hang in there... we are your biggest fans and we are always rooting for you.

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 08, 2019, 10:58:59 AM
Thank you Danielle. It's a joy to see your smiling face

I've caused much unintentional hurt. While I do know that people understand, it doesn't lessen the guilt.
Thank you for the reminder that we all go through it in one form or another.

I need to stop hiding, it's hard. I'm most comfortable in the shadows.
I need to learn to pass the help, that I've received, onto others.

I don't feel worthy

Hugs
Faith

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 08, 2019, 10:34:01 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Please let me make this very clear...
All of us here, at one time or another, share our burdens here on the Forums.
Your thread's followers are here to support you and to encourage you... offering our ears to listen and our shoulders to lean on.  Here there are many like-minded members that are eager to come to you side during your difficult times... and when you have good moments we will rejoice with you.
Hang in there... we are your biggest fans and we are always rooting for you.

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 08, 2019, 01:59:22 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 08, 2019, 09:35:07 AM
I'm in a good mood, why am I so sad
I'm in a good mood, why am I crying
I know why and I can't say.
Others know why and they won't say.

It's a burden that I created for myself.
It's a burden that I passed on to others.
I didn't try to share the burden, it got away from me

I'm sorry

She ain't heavy.
She's my sister.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 08, 2019, 03:57:56 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 08, 2019, 01:59:22 PM
She ain't heavy.
She's my sister.

Aww. Thank you. Please try not to drag my face along the floor while picking me up after I I fall on it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on February 08, 2019, 04:35:40 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 08, 2019, 09:35:07 AM
I'm in a good mood, why am I so sad
I'm in a good mood, why am I crying
I know why and I can't say.
Others know why and they won't say.

It's a burden that I created for myself.
It's a burden that I passed on to others.
I didn't try to share the burden, it got away from me

I'm sorry

Very thoughtful poem, it is the reflection of the thoughts inside many of us.
Doubts created by changes that they themselves will always critique. 
We all want a happy life, but trying to fit yourself into a mold that's perfect will only show the imperfections that you perceive.  Others will see, but not notice them in such a detailed degree as you do.
I want you to think about a theory I have. 
I think that in the general population there are many cis-women who show such flaws.
Sit on a park bench and people watch.
Critique them (silently) as strongly as you do to yourself.
Even focus on the points that bother you about yourself.

I see a woman when I see your pictures.
I feel no burden.

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: fleurgirl on February 08, 2019, 07:17:28 PM
This post has been moved to: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244522.0.html

Thank you for your responses here, though!

- Fleurgirl
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 08, 2019, 07:49:30 PM
Quote from: fleurgirl on February 08, 2019, 07:17:28 PM

SOOO I have decided to begin transitioning again! I am so excited for the future ahead of me and tonight was the first night in almost a year that I dressed up. No E, just makeup and some filters. Can't wait <3 I cried.

--My transition progress document/journal I started:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1T7gXOY8FlskWRnyX97M2mamk_cq3zOSeVN695pxSpFk/edit?usp=sharing
Reading your tragic story makes me feel very sad, no young person deserves all this tragic!
I am glad that you finally found yourself again, and you will become a beautiful young woman.  Just give it some time, it will work!  It worked with all of us (well some of us were not that lucky to be as young as you), or is still working, and you will be our little, pretty sister in the future!
Good luck for you, and if you have problems, we are here and listen, because we are your sisters!
Lots of hugs!
Linde
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: fleurgirl on February 08, 2019, 07:57:51 PM
Quote from: Dietlind on February 08, 2019, 07:49:30 PM
Reading your tragic story makes me feel very sad, no young person deserves all this tragic!
I am glad that you finally found yourself again, and you will become a beautiful young woman.  Just give it some time, it will work!  It worked with all of us (well some of us were not that lucky to be as young as you), or is still working, and you will be our little, pretty sister in the future!
Good luck for you, and if you have problems, we are here and listen, because we are your sisters!
Lots of hugs!
Linde

Thank you so much for your support, Linde <3
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: DawnOday on February 08, 2019, 09:47:34 PM
Faith.. As I have stated before you could be my doppelganger. I don't see men. I see gorgeous women. We are still gorgeous even at this late stage in our lives. The thing I regret more than not transitioning earlier is not having knowledge of all those who have gone before and therefore not being able to support them. I hid for so many years, being leery of everyone. I had not made a new friend in over thirty years. Luckily, I had my family who love me unconditionally. My parents and grandparents are long since gone so I didn't have to explain to them. But coming out to my friends from college, high school and elementary school has been surprisingly well accepted. The relief of the reveal has been a real game changer. Yes, not everyone is going for it. But they are mostly people that I didn't know that well. Now that I have something in common, I am making friends again. Enjoying time with them and sharing our experiences. I still sometimes go negative in my therapy session but Erica always brings me back by reminding me it is not my fault, I am not weird, I am not creepy, I am a human being, being human. Love to you Faith and your lovely wife. You are blessed. You matter, we all matter.

Fleurgirl.. I wish I had a magic wand and wave it over you and so many others. I am amazed at the spirit that has been disrupted due to circumstances beyond our control. I know I have had no control over it throughout the years. All it would take is to meet my first wife and you would see, as a guy I may have been the luckiest one in the world. But even with that I could not stop putting on dresses and makeup. I could not go without losing interest in sex which I could have had as much as I wanted. Instead I checked into hotels in order to dress up while telling her I was on fishing trips. I know what it is like to hate oneself, to hate that thing that assigns us at birth and knowing somehow someway, something is wrong. I am glad to hear you are transitioning again and hope all your dreams come true. You are lovely, You are important, You are a woman. You have friends looking out for you. If you ever doubt yourself again don't hesitate to ask for help. If you can put up with talking to old ladies, I'm here for you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: fleurgirl on February 08, 2019, 09:54:06 PM
Quote from: DawnOday on February 08, 2019, 09:47:34 PM

Fleurgirl.. I wish I had a magic wand and wave it over you and so many others. I am amazed at the spirit that has been disrupted due to circumstances beyond our control. I know I have had no control over it throughout the years. All it would take is to meet my first wife and you would see, as a guy I may have been the luckiest one in the world. But even with that I could not stop putting on dresses and makeup. I could not go without losing interest in sex which I could have had as much as I wanted. Instead I checked into hotels in order to dress up while telling her I was on fishing trips. I know what it is like to hate oneself, to hate that thing that assigns us at birth and knowing somehow someway, something is wrong. I am glad to hear you are transitioning again and hope all your dreams come true. You are lovely, You are important, You are a woman. You have friends looking out for you. If you ever doubt yourself again don't hesitate to ask for help. If you can put up with talking to old ladies, I'm here for you.

Old lady? You don't look a day over 20, hehe. Thank you for your support and for offering me help, especially with doubting myself and how I feel deep down. I am happy to be surrounded by a community of women like you girls!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: DawnOday on February 08, 2019, 10:03:06 PM
fleurgirl. Oh please stop. Everyone tells me that.  >:-)   XXOO
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 12, 2019, 07:33:39 AM
struggle struggle struggle. No, I can't share all of it - too personal. The obvious stuff is, well, obvious to any of us going through this.  I did manage to get a therapist appointment for Friday, 2 weeks early, because of an opening. I really need it. I hope it helps.

Let me share an unshareable photo so you can see what I'm dealing with. An outdoor photo with no filters.
Quote(https://i.imgur.com/ynpuKWn.jpg)

look fast as I will likely delete it.

I hope everyone else's week/month is going better than mine.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica_Rose on February 12, 2019, 07:39:05 AM
Faith, we are our own worst enemies. You are beautiful. I hope your therapy session goes well.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: randim on February 12, 2019, 08:51:19 AM
Faith hon, you beat yourself up without mercy.  Please don't.  You are lovely, unique and special.  Make some room in your heart to love yourself.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on February 12, 2019, 11:29:52 AM
Faith, you are a good looking older woman.

Our brains are funny things.  They store our facial and body image in networks that map out our physicality, apparently for some pretty basic functionality.  That storage evolved for beings that change very, very slowly.  When we change anything about ourselves, our image in the mirror no longer matches that stored image.

That mismatch triggers discomfort in everyone.  When a woman gets a new hairstyle, they'll see a stranger in the mirror, and there will be some disquiet at that experience.  Hopefully they will like the new style enough to overcome that discomfort.  (I feel this when I have changed my hairstyle, and it takes a while to pass.)

Changes in the lines of our face from Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), surgery, or something as simple as removing a beard that has been there for decades are going to trigger a stronger and more persistent sensation of discomfort.  We are used to hair on our heads changing from day to day as we brush it or try things out, but our faces normally change incredibly slowly and the old brain can't handle this well.  (And Facial Feminization Surgery!  I still don't see in the mirror what is in photographs after 6 months.)

Add on that layer of dysphoria, body discomfort, and the social side of being out, and there are a lot of negative pressures on us.  These all impact our self image.

I honestly do not have a magical fix for this.  My therapist suggested spending a few minutes looking in the mirror each day to help 'remap' my internal self image.  Thats hard.  I find myself running through my Metta to stay calm when doing this some days.

May I be happy.
May I know my true worth.
May I know that I am lovable.
May I love myself with ease.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 12, 2019, 11:42:54 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 12, 2019, 07:33:39 AM
struggle struggle struggle. No, I can't share all of it - too personal. The obvious stuff is, well, obvious to any of us going through this.  I did manage to get a therapist appointment for Friday, 2 weeks early, because of an opening. I really need it. I hope it helps.

Let me share an unshareable photo so you can see what I'm dealing with. An outdoor photo with no filters.
look fast as I will likely delete it.

I hope everyone else's week/month is going better than mine.
And what am I to see there?  I see an older woman, with gray hair that is held to the back>  i don't really like the jeans shirt!  Am I missing something?
And I think you will love Eva!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 12, 2019, 12:31:25 PM
Yes, I am all the cliches when it comes to self image. I know this, it doesn't help. My brain still screams at me .. GUY GUY GUY GUY GUY GUY ... I can see so much of my Mom and yet I still see him and that over-shadows everything.

Michelle, we've spoken, or at least you've posted, about internal brain mappings before. It's one of the reasons I take daily selfies and look at them .. sometimes for a few seconds!!  I try to look into the mirror, that broad look without focusing. It's OK, again, for a few seconds. Any longer and I will break down and cry. That and the more of my body that I can see, the worse it is.

I 'pass', I suppose, for the most part. I get ma'am'd even when alone. I can even speak most times without ruining it. Politeness? I have not tested this w/o makeup. no no no no no. I dress up even at home right now to keep the demons at bay.

I spoke to the insurance lady here at work today, I don't think she realized that I was transgender until I spoke (I did not try to hide my voice). That and the specific questions I had regarding 'medically necessary' and mammograms.

Linde, the jean top, you'd have to see the rest of it. It is most definitely a woman's top :)


I had a sit down lunch with a gal friend here at work (the one from my accidental inspiration thread). She's having a very tough time right now. I got her to relax a bit, even a smile. She's says I make her feel so much better just by being around. I'll have to give her hourly hugs for a while, I think. We spoke about her, (private) we spoke about me (you all know most of that). She point blank said that she sees only a woman when she looks at me. How I carry myself, how I look, how I dress, my facial expressions, yes ... even my voice. She doesn't have to do any of that mental transposition of he/she. To her, I am Faith/she/her .. girl friend. Oh, and she loves my sense of style and how it suits me.

If I could accept fully what I am told by people that I associate with, I'd be one happy woman with no need for a therapist. Ahh, but there is sooo much wrong with me ...

I feel better after meeting her for lunch. Sure, I make her feel better yet she also does the same for me. Isn't that what friends are for?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 13, 2019, 04:38:03 PM
I went to play music last night, it didn't go well.  At least I manged to correct a few people that are willing to try.

Similar to karaoke, names are put on a board for your turn. I looked and there in the middle of it was 'John'. I went up to the woman tracking the board and asked if that was on there for me, she said yes. I asked her to take it off, my name is Faith. She just looked at me and said, "Well, we know you as John so ......" I interrupted with, "It doesn't matter, my name is Faith, take it off".

She erased the name as I walked away, she did not write Faith in there. I did not sing, I left early. There was more to the evening, I don't feel like recounting it.

I am debating going back again. On the one hand I enjoy playing and singing plus the opportunity for people to adjust and get used to me and direct them into appropriate name and gender. On the other hand, some will kick and scream all the way, others will refuse completely .. I don't need that. I do need my music. There is no place else for me to sit in and play.

I think I'll share on Facebook. Maybe, just maybe, one of them will see it and spread the word. Either that or I'll become unwelcome .. either way it may settle.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on February 13, 2019, 04:54:55 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 13, 2019, 04:38:03 PM
I went to play music last night, it didn't go well.  At least I manged to correct a few people that are willing to try.

Similar to karaoke, names are put on a board for your turn. I looked and there in the middle of it was 'John'. I went up to the woman tracking the board and asked if that was on there for me, she said yes. I asked her to take it off, my name is Faith. She just looked at me and said, "Well, we know you as John so ......" I interrupted with, "It doesn't matter, my name is Faith, take it off".

She erased the name as I walked away, she did not write Faith in there. I did not sing, I left early. There was more to the evening, I don't feel like recounting it.

I am debating going back again. On the one hand I enjoy playing and singing plus the opportunity for people to adjust and get used to me and direct them into appropriate name and gender. On the other hand, some will kick and scream all the way, others will refuse completely .. I don't need that. I do need my music. There is no place else for me to sit in and play.

I think I'll share on Facebook. Maybe, just maybe, one of them will see it and spread the word. Either that or I'll become unwelcome .. either way it may settle.
You just go on being your beautiful self, hon. Surely there are other towns near you where you can sit in. People that insist on being jerks get whatever they deserve. I feel sorry for people like that because they have themselves to live with. That surely can't be the most pleasant existence on earth. Your music will always be a part of you, no matter what. And it's part of what makes your beauty shine through.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 13, 2019, 05:45:20 PM
Quote from: SarahWithin on February 13, 2019, 04:54:55 PM
You just go on being your beautiful self, hon. Surely there are other towns near you where you can sit in. People that insist on being jerks get whatever they deserve. I feel sorry for people like that because they have themselves to live with. That surely can't be the most pleasant existence on earth. Your music will always be a part of you, no matter what. And it's part of what makes your beauty shine through.

@Faith   
Dear Faith:
I want you to read again... and again...  what our lovely member @SarahWithin wrote to you in her comment above.
She is right on with what she is suggesting to you.  ....
    Yes, "You just go on being your beautiful self"
Please understand there are jerks wherever we go and whatever we do we will run into them.   
I personally have experienced that here where I live in my small town... it is not a pleasant thing for sure.

Basically when we hear unsavory and demeaning comments from those we do not care about then why should we care what they say?  ... But of course that is easier said than done.
   
Of course my advice is worth what you pay for it ... 
...but wherever you go... find your accepting friends and stay near to them. 
I most pleasantly found support from my accepting friends as they came to my defense when I needed them.... they are my body guards!!!   Safety in numbers.

Hugs and well wishes, [emoji172]
Danielle

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: krobinson103 on February 13, 2019, 07:50:11 PM
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 12, 2019, 11:29:52 AM
Faith, you are a good looking older woman.

Our brains are funny things.  They store our facial and body image in networks that map out our physicality, apparently for some pretty basic functionality.  That storage evolved for beings that change very, very slowly.  When we change anything about ourselves, our image in the mirror no longer matches that stored image.

That mismatch triggers discomfort in everyone.  When a woman gets a new hairstyle, they'll see a stranger in the mirror, and there will be some disquiet at that experience.  Hopefully they will like the new style enough to overcome that discomfort.  (I feel this when I have changed my hairstyle, and it takes a while to pass.)

Changes in the lines of our face from Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), surgery, or something as simple as removing a beard that has been there for decades are going to trigger a stronger and more persistent sensation of discomfort.  We are used to hair on our heads changing from day to day as we brush it or try things out, but our faces normally change incredibly slowly and the old brain can't handle this well.  (And Facial Feminization Surgery!  I still don't see in the mirror what is in photographs after 6 months.)

Add on that layer of dysphoria, body discomfort, and the social side of being out, and there are a lot of negative pressures on us.  These all impact our self image.

I honestly do not have a magical fix for this.  My therapist suggested spending a few minutes looking in the mirror each day to help 'remap' my internal self image.  Thats hard.  I find myself running through my Metta to stay calm when doing this some days.

May I be happy.
May I know my true worth.
May I know that I am lovable.
May I love myself with ease.

I can relate to that. After the many changes that have happened over the last year and a half I sometimes look in the mirror and say "is that really me?" The old resident self image has zero match to the woman I see today. Everyone says "her" and "she" and I almost catch myself looking around then realizing the "she" is me. The way I see the world, the things I do, what I wear, my ease with social situations the old voice inside keeps trying to say its not me!

The truth is really simple, I am me the way I was meant to be. I think that's the hardest truth for any of us to learn. If somehow we don't match some imaginary perfect 'norm' who cares?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 14, 2019, 06:11:58 AM
The only other jam is on Mondays with basically the same group of people. Not exactly a change for the better.

Jerk comments hurt because they resonate within us. A deep seated 'we won't make it' 'we'll never be' doubt flares up from every deadname, every misgender, every odd look. I'm tired and I'm barely getting started.

Today I'm distressed over all the things I am putting my wife through. The better that I feel about myself, the worse she feels because he is gone. I can feel him I can see him, she cannot. It's a very mean trick to be played on us.

Within my first 5 mins at work this morning, I get misgendered. I'm all made up, a nice top, a red skirt, and I get he/him. I took one selfie and closed it up right away, I can't even look.

AND I forgot my heart pendant that Debi gave to me. I specifically picked this outfit for the look and the fact that the pendant would go perfectly with it - especially today.

why do I bother
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 14, 2019, 08:28:36 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 14, 2019, 06:11:58 AM

why do I bother
Because you know that you are a woman! 
Sometimes the world around us has no sensitivity, sometimes it is because some people have certain mental conditions who prevent them to read your feelings (I am one of these people).  They don't mean to hurt you, they just don't understand why you feel hurt about their comments!  I have lost some friends because of my inability, about being able to read between the lines or interpret facial expressions.  I have learned over times how to control myself, but once in a while I still slip!  And you may run into people like I, who are not able to have a feeling for what they say?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on February 14, 2019, 08:48:12 AM
Sucks how one he or him or dead name can bring us down so fast and so far sometimes.  Really can't understand why any would not just correct the name and move on.  Why should it matter to them?

I really liked that article you shared on Facebook about being misgendered. Maybe you should hand out copies of it next time you go. 



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 14, 2019, 10:47:57 AM
I know it's not news to others and similar to many. I get brought down so easily :(

then again .. I am now in a better mood. Granted my nose is stuffy and runny at the same time from the perfume I'm wearing ... I didn't put any on, it's from all the hugs at work today :O
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 14, 2019, 11:00:51 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 14, 2019, 10:47:57 AM
I know it's not news to others and similar to many. I get brought down so easily :(

then again .. I am now in a better mood. Granted my nose is stuffy and runny at the same time from the perfume I'm wearing ... I didn't put any on, it's from all the hugs at work today :O

Yays for hugs!!! Here's another one!

(((HUG!)))

(That's not perfume; it's my natural spring-fresh scent.)

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 14, 2019, 11:04:46 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 14, 2019, 11:00:51 AM
Yays for hugs!!! Here's another one!

(((HUG!)))


Stephanie

(((HUGS))) YAY!! (((HUGS)))

have some yourself
(((HUGZZzzzzzz)))
(sometimes they feel so cozy that you fall asleep)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on February 14, 2019, 01:19:57 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 14, 2019, 10:47:57 AM
I know it's not news to others and similar to many. I get brought down so easily :(

then again .. I am now in a better mood. Granted my nose is stuffy and runny at the same time from the perfume I'm wearing ... I didn't put any on, it's from all the hugs at work today :O
Hugs are lovely! I'd give you one, too, dear. I'm forced to send you a cyber one instead. Or two! [emoji178]


Hugs x 2,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on February 14, 2019, 02:48:51 PM
Hey girl,

Yes, we all know that it is hard, really hard at times, but we get through with the love of our friends.....and you have plenty of them here. We love you girl, please feel our hugs.

Take care girlfriend,
Tia & Deb
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 15, 2019, 07:16:13 AM
Yes, I know, lots of friends, & family, & friends that are family, all with hugs and concern ... yet sometimes I feel empty and alone :(  I honor of my family of friends, here's a selfie from this morning ... at least, I think it's an honor :-\

It's hard to post it yet here I am doing it anyways ....
Quote(https://i.imgur.com/JHbhxrx.jpg)

Not much changing, looks a lot like all my other photos.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on February 15, 2019, 07:35:55 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 15, 2019, 07:16:13 AM
Not much changing, looks a lot like all my other photos.
You are right: you look great, just like all your other photos!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 15, 2019, 08:08:21 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 15, 2019, 07:16:13 AM
Yes, I know, lots of friends, & family, & friends that are family, all with hugs and concern ... yet sometimes I feel empty and alone :(  I honor of my family of friends, here's a selfie from this morning ... at least, I think it's an honor :-\

It's hard to post it yet here I am doing it anyways ....
Not much changing, looks a lot like all my other photos.
And like in all your other photos, you look great in it!  Keep up your positive thoughts!
Hugs
Linde
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 18, 2019, 12:09:37 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/xDVDBhj.jpg)

That image is not about my face (I think I should have cropped it off), nor my hair, which was tied back so that I could eat lunch without eating hair. It is, however, a positive moment photo. The photo is a bit dark, however, you can tell what is positive if you look for it .. should I tell you .. hmm ...no, the top is not new and neither is the necklace.


On another note. My wife and I were driving home Saturday afternoon after getting deep massages (YAY!). Oh, speaking of massages a man did mine this time. I must say, I have never felt so vulnerable before. It's a strange feeling. Right ... back to my story. Lori mentioned stopping by to check in on her older brother who happens to be married to my younger sister (yes, you read that right). While she spoke with him (I make him uncomfortable but he is trying) I went in to see my sister for a minute.

Well, we hadn't seen each other in months, hmm .. last June? She immediately jumped up and yelled, "Faith!" and came over and gave me a hug. From there I sat down and we just chatted about things. A lot about me since she needed to catch up. Anyways, a good moment and a good visit because I never really could just sit and chat with her before. It was nice.

Another weekend event, without going into detail (TMI), I got to be intimate with the love of my life for the first time in months.

Let's see ... OH .. dreams. HOLY CRAP .. COW .. HORSE .. PIGEON .. Whatever exclamation you want to use.

The only thing I can remember, and quite vividly, is that I am always a woman (complete) in my dreams now. The part drawing the exclamation is the fact I am with a man  :icon_blink: :icon_blink: :icon_eek: :icon_eek: :icon_blink: :icon_blink:  I have no daytime thoughts of being with a man, no thoughts of being with any women either for that matter. I am most assuredly monogamous. The only attraction I feel of that type is with my wife.

I think that sums things up a little. I'm sitting here all butterflies and goosebumps trying to concentrate on work.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 18, 2019, 12:21:39 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Thanks for freely  sharing your happy posting.

You have every right to feel "butterflies and goosebumps" 
Take your time to enjoy those wonderful feelings and wish that they never go away!!!

Hugs and well wishes as always.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 18, 2019, 12:26:05 PM
Dear Faith, I could see the love for each other in your and Lori's eyes when you were sitting across from me.  One would have to be blind do not see what you feel for each other!

Hugs
Linde
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Katie Ellen on February 18, 2019, 01:01:05 PM
I'm glad you're feeling good today, but are you going to leave us hanging?

I see a couple of things!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on February 18, 2019, 01:23:41 PM
It made me happy to read your happy post.  How nice to have some girl time with your sister!  Dreams are weird.   That's about all you can say about them.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 18, 2019, 05:17:03 PM
Danielle, I too hope they don't go away, they are very distracting though.

Dietlind, I've always expressed my love for Lori. Having it show for everyone is  good bonus.

Katie, oops  :D it's because my booblettes hold my top in place, even when I'm walking.

Kathy, I much prefer happy, that's why I posted. I needed to share. And yes, dreams are weird !!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 18, 2019, 07:04:57 PM
my sweetie gave me a present :)

(https://i.imgur.com/Io7DD4I.jpg)

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on February 18, 2019, 07:15:03 PM
Awww... so very sweet of her! So happy for you!

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Faith on February 18, 2019, 07:04:57 PM
my sweetie gave me a present :)

(https://i.imgur.com/Io7DD4I.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 18, 2019, 07:54:26 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 18, 2019, 07:04:57 PM
my sweetie gave me a present :)

(https://i.imgur.com/Io7DD4I.jpg)
This is pretty, and very nice of her!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 18, 2019, 10:47:08 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Wow-Whee ..... a very beautiful gift and necklace...
A wonderful gift from your sweetheart.  You are a fortunate girl for sure!!!

Thank you for sharing this sweet moment with all of us.
Hugs,
Danielle


Quote from: Faith on February 18, 2019, 07:04:57 PM
my sweetie gave me a present :)

(https://i.imgur.com/Io7DD4I.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on February 18, 2019, 11:07:40 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 18, 2019, 07:04:57 PM
my sweetie gave me a present :)

(https://i.imgur.com/Io7DD4I.jpg)

Very nice Faith!  Your true love knows how to show she cares for you.  Your are very lucky!

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 19, 2019, 05:45:02 AM
Yes, to all of you, I cannot express enough how lucky I am and have been. She chose well? I chose well? We chose well? Oh the heck with it, somehow we got suckered into it and before we knew it, we were old and still together :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on February 19, 2019, 07:01:41 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 19, 2019, 05:45:02 AM
Yes, to all of you, I cannot express enough how lucky I am and have been. She chose well? I chose well? We chose well? Oh the heck with it, somehow we got suckered into it and before we knew it, we were old and still together :D
How ever it happened it seems to be good for you. 

Very pretty necklace.


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: randim on February 19, 2019, 08:10:40 AM
Beautiful necklace Faith.  The name is a nice touch. That's extremely thoughtful.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 19, 2019, 10:52:10 AM
Ah! I thought it might have been the necklace, but I couldn't see it too well in the original picture. We all agree that Lori is the best!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on February 19, 2019, 12:28:20 PM
Indeed Faith! A lovely necklace from Lori. That was so sweet of her. I think you both rock girl. I'm glad your feeling better. You certainly look great in your pictures, even with your hair pulled back. I know! Right! Eating hair is the worst.

Big hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 19, 2019, 12:56:48 PM
Quote from: Donica on February 19, 2019, 12:28:20 PM
Indeed Faith! A lovely necklace from Lori. That was so sweet of her. I think you both rock girl. I'm glad your feeling better. You certainly look great in your pictures, even with your hair pulled back. I know! Right! Eating hair is the worst.

At least hers tastes silvery. Mine tastes like dishwater (blonde).



Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 19, 2019, 01:29:37 PM
feeling better is a moment by moment condition. Right now I could break down and cry. Only the fact that there are five guys in the room keeps me from falling apart. No way they get to see that.

I think it started when, as I told Sarah earlier, I took a piece of equipment to some contractors and as I was walking away I distinctly heard, "Thank you sir".  Now, I am not the prettiest person out there, yet, there I was with the girls obvious under my top and a long skirt, open toed shoes with bright red nails .. and I'm a sir.   >:(  :icon_cry:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on February 19, 2019, 03:19:46 PM
Faith, It is really a shame to see all the damage that testosterone poisoning does to all those guys, it makes them dumb and crazy. Now I have seen you and all that Deb and I saw was a beautiful woman. Those guys, must have been dumber than an stump.

Love you girl!,
Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 19, 2019, 05:10:01 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on February 19, 2019, 03:19:46 PM
Faith, It is really a shame to see all the damage that testosterone poisoning does to all those guys, it makes them dumb and crazy. Now I have seen you and all that Deb and I saw was a beautiful woman. Those guys, must have been dumber than an stump.

Love you girl!,
Tia Anne

aww, thank you Tia, however, I don't think it counts when another woman says it ... we're biased. Guys are physical, they notice things.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on February 19, 2019, 05:20:55 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 19, 2019, 12:56:48 PM
At least hers tastes silvery. Mine tastes like dishwater (blonde).



Stephanie

Oh mine too Steph but with a bit more of a brown dishwater taste, if that's possible.

Dear Faith! As Tia put it, "Those guys have testosterone poisoning coupled with brain damage". Ok, I added that last part, but true non the less.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on February 19, 2019, 06:03:33 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 19, 2019, 05:10:01 PM
aww, thank you Tia, however, I don't think it counts when another woman says it ... we're biased. Guys are physical, they notice things.

Guys may be physical and notice things but the things that guys notice, you have showing proudly. You got curves and bumps and that is about all that guys notice except occasionally a wedding ring. This puts them back into the dumber than a stump coupled with brain damage (thank you for the truthful addition Donica) category. AND, I believe that it counts more than ever when another woman says it! But hey, that's just me, another woman that loves you saying it.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on February 19, 2019, 06:52:57 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 19, 2019, 01:29:37 PM
...as I was walking away I distinctly heard, "Thank you sir".  Now, I am not the prettiest person out there, yet, there I was with the girls obvious under my top and a long skirt, open toed shoes with bright red nails .. and I'm a sir.   >:(  :icon_cry:

I'm sorry this happened, Faith.  I wish I knew what triggered this response in some men.  It generally just falls out of their word hole, without intent to harm.  Impact is not the same as intent, of course.  After 3 years of HRT, GCS, and FFS, I still get this occasionally, even when my presentation is high femme.  Very frustrating.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JanePlain on February 20, 2019, 12:09:12 AM
I just wanted to say it was really nice to hear you were getting TMI with your wife. Your list of Pow zoom Horse etc words are probably going to get stuck in my head the next time my wife and I get intimate.   :D

Oh and your letter was great but my editor would say to cut down the word count. Of course he says that because they pay by the word...  I do agree the kick in the teeth thing might be better thought then written down. And Kaitlyn Jenner? I wouldn't want to get anyone thinking along the lines of jokes about her.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 20, 2019, 05:35:45 AM
I just wanted to thank you all for you commiseration. It does help even if not right away. The dour mood was gone by the time I got home.

Today is a new day. I woke up with my typical tension headache compounded by sinus. It'll fade soon.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 20, 2019, 05:50:16 PM
This is sarah1972's fault. She said I should post it.

Quote(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FytQIpZ6.jpg&hash=c8d4fbae9d1875402650e3f5ada60288f7d49586)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on February 20, 2019, 06:04:00 PM
I'll take the blame. I really like this picture ;D You look great in it!


Quote from: Faith on February 20, 2019, 05:50:16 PM
This is sarah1972's fault. She said I should post it.

Quote(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FytQIpZ6.jpg&hash=c8d4fbae9d1875402650e3f5ada60288f7d49586)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on February 20, 2019, 06:44:44 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 20, 2019, 05:50:16 PM
This is sarah1972's fault. She said I should post it.
i like it!  You look very elegant!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on February 20, 2019, 07:39:12 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 20, 2019, 05:50:16 PM
This is sarah1972's fault. She said I should post it.

wow Wow WOW!!!

Beautiful! That smile just lights up the internet. You should thank Sarah for making you post it. I thank her for letting me see it!!

Huge thumbs up!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on February 20, 2019, 08:09:17 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 20, 2019, 05:50:16 PM
This is sarah1972's fault. She said I should post it.
Gorgeous!


Hugs x 2,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on February 20, 2019, 09:39:52 PM
You look nice, Faith.

Happy and relaxed.


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: randim on February 20, 2019, 10:22:55 PM
That is a great picture Faith.  You look just lovely
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 21, 2019, 05:59:28 AM
Quote from: sarah1972 on February 20, 2019, 06:04:00 PM
I'll take the blame. I really like this picture ;D You look great in it!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 20, 2019, 06:44:44 PM
i like it!  You look very elegant!

Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 20, 2019, 07:39:12 PM
wow Wow WOW!!!

Beautiful! That smile just lights up the internet. You should thank Sarah for making you post it. I thank her for letting me see it!!

Quote from: SarahWithin on February 20, 2019, 08:09:17 PM
Gorgeous!
Hugs x 2,
[emoji257]

Quote from: TonyaW on February 20, 2019, 09:39:52 PM
You look nice, Faith. Happy and relaxed.

Quote from: randim on February 20, 2019, 10:22:55 PM
That is a great picture Faith.  You look just lovely

thank you. I had to ask for help because ...... I don't like myself in any of the photos from that night (5 photos) ... I needed an outside opinion. Not that Sarah is an outsider, not any more. You know what I mean, I hope :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on February 21, 2019, 06:47:04 AM
Great photo, lovely smile!  Thank you for posting it, and thanks to Sarah for getting you to post it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 21, 2019, 09:44:50 AM
*sigh* yes, great comments. Meanwhile I'm sitting here all worked up from all the great threads on Susan's ... and ... constantly being triggered. I can't even post the replies that I have in my head simply to express my support/well-wishes/happiness for them.  I think I need another break.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on February 21, 2019, 10:44:30 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 21, 2019, 09:44:50 AM
*sigh* yes, great comments. Meanwhile I'm sitting here all worked up from all the great threads on Susan's ... and ... constantly being triggered. I can't even post the replies that I have in my head simply to express my support/well-wishes/happiness for them.  I think I need another break.
Think I know what you mean.  I've seen a few recent pictures when the poster say they still see guy. My thought is if she looks that good and still sees him,  what chance do I have? 

Putting a positive spin on it, I'm not the only one and maybe everyone has this issue at least sometimes and I need to not worry about it so much.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 23, 2019, 09:52:10 AM
The dark clouds can come from many sources. I've been pondering mine trying to subdue some of them. I'll need lots of help yet one I think I can help myself by identifying and facing it.

The girl inside and how to dress.

When I first started transition everything was new and exciting. Now I keep looking for continued excitement. No, I don't mean that the magic wore off. I've realized that inside I have reached a comfortable level of 'don't think about it'.

In the pre- days my 'don't think about it' meant him. I walked around as 'me' with no thoughts otherwise. Unlike a lot of you that internal gender questioning didn't occur. I expressed it, unknowingly, outwardly through various actions and role-play (which I didn't recognize until looking back) .. I digress.

What I mean to say is now my 'don't think about it' is 'her'. Sure, I still have my various dark dysphoria and fears. What I am coming to recognize is that 'she' is happily settled in my head without the need to shout it out.

I felt I had to 'dress up' for me to feel her. Now I realize that whether I dress up or not, I am still her.

So, what I have been perceiving as a dark time of non-thought was in reality a comfortable bright time of self-acceptance.

It's a new feeling and not a dark one at all.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: SarahWithin on February 23, 2019, 10:32:37 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 23, 2019, 09:52:10 AM
The dark clouds can come from many sources. I've been pondering mine trying to subdue some of them. I'll need lots of help yet one I think I can help myself by identifying and facing it.

The girl inside and how to dress.

When I first started transition everything was new and exciting. Now I keep looking for continued excitement. No, I don't mean that the magic wore off. I've realized that inside I have reached a comfortable level of 'don't think about it'.

In the pre- days my 'don't think about it' meant him. I walked around as 'me' with no thoughts otherwise. Unlike a lot of you that internal gender questioning didn't occur. I expressed it, unknowingly, outwardly through various actions and role-play (which I didn't recognize until looking back) .. I digress.

What I mean to say is now my 'don't think about it' is 'her'. Sure, I still have my various dark dysphoria and fears. What I am coming to recognize is that 'she' is happily settled in my head without the need to shout it out.

I felt I had to 'dress up' for me to feel her. Now I realize that whether I dress up or not, I am still her.

So, what I have been perceiving as a dark time of non-thought was in reality a comfortable bright time of self-acceptance.

It's a new feeling and not a dark one at all.
Wonderful, Faith! We are who we are. Nothing and no one can change that fact, including ourselves. Changing our exterior appearance is only to become our complete, balanced selves. Stay positive, hon, and have a beautiful weekend!


Hugs x 2,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on February 23, 2019, 01:45:24 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 23, 2019, 09:52:10 AMNow I realize that whether I dress up or not, I am still her.

So, what I have been perceiving as a dark time of non-thought was in reality a comfortable bright time of self-acceptance.

It's a new feeling and not a dark one at all.

That is a brilliant realization, Faith!  Way to go!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on February 23, 2019, 01:58:37 PM
QuoteI felt I had to 'dress up' for me to feel her. Now I realize that whether I dress up or not, I am still her.

So, what I have been perceiving as a dark time of non-thought was in reality a comfortable bright time of self-acceptance.

It's a new feeling and not a dark one at all.

Quote from: KathyLauren on February 23, 2019, 01:45:24 PM
That is a brilliant realization, Faith!  Way to go!

Kathy is so correct!  Live your life as you, not as who others want you to be.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 23, 2019, 04:59:22 PM
We all search for information and advice. We read, we receive, we understand yet the light of understanding, realization, acceptance, (pick a word) doesn't occur until you do it for yourself.

Did I say that right?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on February 23, 2019, 05:08:30 PM
Hi Faith,

This is one of the best observations that I have heard from you. You so clearly state, by seeing the internalization of yourself, a huge transition step. Many of us have felt and seen this in ourselves (typically after long struggles). I am so happy to hear you making this statement! Well done sister.

Love you girlfriend,
Tia Anne & Debi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 24, 2019, 12:51:14 PM
Kathy, Jessica, Tia, thanks. Yes we all have those AHA moments - some multiple times as we forget ourselves for a bit. This doesn't negate doubt, I have so many doubts and fears. I know who I am, what happens if that is not enough?

Living a lie in a crowd of 'friends' is bad.
Living alone as yourself is also bad.
Living as yourself in a crowd of friends is optimal.

I'd like to know I'm going to end up at that least somewhere in the middle between bad and optimal.




postings

I find posting disheartening. I stupidly crave acknowledgment, I rarely get it. Here, elsewhere, such is my life. Oh there's you few and I totally appreciate and love you for it and I should be satisfied .. why do I crave more?  Pushing my way into the edges of the crowd only to be squeezed back out to the fringes. Why should I care? Why do I care?

no, I'm not in a bad mood, I'm ruminating. I've heard that ruminating is bad for you, maybe I should stop. But then, how would I find my own answers?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on February 24, 2019, 01:52:22 PM
maybe it's that age old need to be part of the crowd to feel good about ourselves. To strive, to find new friends. Some people are naturally gregarious and thrive on the company of others....some prefer their own company I suspect you are part of the former.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 27, 2019, 09:46:47 AM
first: LIZ! I love that profile picture  :) :-*



It's been a rough few days, the weekend and M-T. *sigh* No, not going into detail. suffice it to say, I scrounged around the house until I found jeans to match with a basic slop-top. Which I also wore to work matched with sneakers and no make-up. Lori knew, of course. It bothered her so badly that she made an extra trip to my work yesterday to spend some time with me.

I'm feeling a bit better today. I at least dressed comfy with a bit of make-up



Cameras .. ugh .. they hate me, I hate them? Lori was looking at me when we were at the park the other day. She saw something, her?, and grabbed her phone to take a photo. Well, my peripheral saw her get ready and I stiffened up. The shot she wanted to get went away .. until the camera did.

I do not like my photo taken. Years/decades of ingrained dislike is hard to overcome
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on February 27, 2019, 10:43:17 AM
Good morning Faith. I hear you about the camera. They always say it adds 10 pounds and why that has to be is not understood. I guess it's the fish eye thing or something?

I do like what I see in the mirror and window reflections. Hopefully this is not due to defective deflections in the glass. I have yet to find a mirror or window with a bad refection unless it was at Disney Land lol or in your case, Disney World.

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better today. knock em dead with that cute outfit you got for work.

Big hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 28, 2019, 11:12:28 AM
Ok, so, I decided to share today with more than one person.

I saw a top at Goodwill, it was/is a bit out of my comfort zone for style. I'm more into solids and neutrals. Basically, so I can hide better. I liked it, I bought it (we weren't supposed to buy anything  ::) )

Well, a group of gals accosted me, other gals commented (loudly). It appears that maybe, just maybe, it suits me. I can't selfie my whole body (I've tried, big mirrors are unforgiving). Here is the one and only photo that I have, or can get. The downside? I really really look my age. The plus side, I can see lots and lots of my Mom in it!

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/sqwvD2l.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 28, 2019, 11:46:49 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 27, 2019, 09:46:47 AM
first: LIZ! I love that profile picture  :) :-*



It's been a rough few days, the weekend and M-T. *sigh* No, not going into detail. suffice it to say, I scrounged around the house until I found jeans to match with a basic slop-top. Which I also wore to work matched with sneakers and no make-up. Lori knew, of course. It bothered her so badly that she made an extra trip to my work yesterday to spend some time with me.

I'm feeling a bit better today. I at least dressed comfy with a bit of make-up



Cameras .. ugh .. they hate me, I hate them? Lori was looking at me when we were at the park the other day. She saw something, her?, and grabbed her phone to take a photo. Well, my peripheral saw her get ready and I stiffened up. The shot she wanted to get went away .. until the camera did.

I do not like my photo taken. Years/decades of ingrained dislike is hard to overcome
@Faith
Dear Faith:
In the past I have had wonderful friends that I have taken photos of, and as soon as I point the camera their way, their lovely facial expression and posture turn into a forced smile or frown and a stiff and less candid appearing posture.   It is called "camera fright" and it can ruin what is otherwise a great photo.

Don't you know, and I have mentioned this in previous comments to you... that "cameras and mirrors are not always a girl's best friend!!!"

Your pictures that you post show a lovely woman... please don't allow yourself to be discouraged.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 28, 2019, 11:49:46 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 28, 2019, 11:46:49 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
In the past I have had wonderful friends that I have taken photos of, and as soon as I point the camera their way, their lovely facial expression and posture turn into a forced smile or frown and a stiff and less candid appearing posture.   It is called "camera fright" and it can ruin what is otherwise a great photo.

Don't you know, and I have mentioned this in previous comments to you... that "cameras and mirrors are not always a girl's best friend!!!"

hey Danielle!!

Yes, I agree. I really am trying to be more open to photos, it's hard :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 28, 2019, 11:52:22 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 28, 2019, 11:49:46 AM
hey Danielle!!

Yes, I agree. I really am trying to be more open to photos, it's hard :(
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Your pictures that you post show a lovely woman... please don't allow yourself to be discouraged.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on February 28, 2019, 11:55:55 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 28, 2019, 11:52:22 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Your pictures that you post show a lovely woman... please don't allow yourself to be discouraged.
Hugs,
Danielle


The gals here at work have been a big help. they don't try to boost my ego or anything, they just accept me. I honestly cannot think of any of the gals here that are offended/insulted/disgusted (you name it). They have all been great.

I am my biggest hurdle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on February 28, 2019, 12:38:41 PM
Faith

Quite the colorful top. It suits you.


Cameras are funny things.  I read some tips somewhere and the first one was take lots of them. More to choose from means better chance of liking one. I think I keep 10% or less of what I take and share maybe 10% of those.


For selfies one tip was use the timer and something to prop up the camera so you don't have to hold it. Another was use a bluetooth remote voice commands to take the picture.  Most smartphone cameras can be voice controlled.

Just being one of the girls is what we want,  isn't it?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 01, 2019, 08:46:05 AM
today started rough. I have an appointment after work so I wanted to be a bit dressy.

Well .. my eyeliner (that I seldom use) went on too heavy, smeared, made a mess, had to clean it off (best that I could). Back to simple violet eye shadow and dark mascara.

I decided it was long enough on my ear studs, I'd take them out and put in some danglies. Well, I couldn't get the ball unscrewed off the stud, I ended up bleeding (not rivers, enough to color my q-tip when I cleaned) and sore. The ball never did come off .. no danglies.

I had taken my 'Faith' necklace off last night (chain gets hot when on a heat pad). I tried to put it back on this morning, nope!. The ends are to small for my fingers. By the time I'd get a grip either I couldn't seem them under my fingers or they'd slip before I got around my neck.  I tried 5-6 times, no go. Frustration and tears mounted up and up ... I stuffed it into my purse .. maybe later.

I made it to work. I didn't dress down, it is casual Friday, I am in my white jeans and sparkly blue top though ... as opposed to dressing up for my appointment *sigh*

After my breakfast snacks and coffee and a walk around the parking lot, I managed to get my necklace on. I had to reverse the chain so that the spring clip was in my right hand. Got it after 2 tries.

Why was the necklace so important, aside from the fact that Lori bought it? Well, she bought it for my 1 year rebirthday / anniversary ... which is today

Today I have lunch with my 2 best work gal friends in celebration.
Today I am 1 year old, going on 14, going on 59.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 01, 2019, 09:29:29 AM
Happy birthday!  1 year HRT, awesome. 

Glad to see you got the necklace together, a sign that the day is getting better. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: randim on March 01, 2019, 09:43:09 AM
Congratulations on your milestone Faith!  Hang in there girl.  From what I can tell, this stuff is not for sissies.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on March 01, 2019, 10:51:09 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 01, 2019, 08:46:05 AM
today started rough. I have an appointment after work so I wanted to be a bit dressy.

Well .. my eyeliner (that I seldom use) went on too heavy, smeared, made a mess, had to clean it off (best that I could). Back to simple violet eye shadow and dark mascara.
I can't do eyeliner at all.  Audrey helps me with that stuff
Quote
I decided it was long enough on my ear studs, I'd take them out and put in some danglies. Well, I couldn't get the ball unscrewed off the stud, I ended up bleeding (not rivers, enough to color my q-tip when I cleaned) and sore. The ball never did come off .. no danglies.
I am glad that I am not the only one who runs around with the same studs all the time because I don't know how to deal with them!
Bleeding ear lobes are the only thing I can create trying to handle them alone!
Quote
I had taken my 'Faith' necklace off last night (chain gets hot when on a heat pad). I tried to put it back on this morning, nope!. The ends are to small for my fingers. By the time I'd get a grip either I couldn't seem them under my fingers or they'd slip before I got around my neck.  I tried 5-6 times, no go. Frustration and tears mounted up and up ... I stuffed it into my purse .. maybe later.
Where did you find my clumsy fingers?  i overcame that necklace problem by byng magnetic additions for the locks on amazon.  They are great and work perfect all the time!

Quote
Today I have lunch with my 2 best work gal friends in celebration.
Today I am 1 year old, going on 14, going on 59.
happy birthday to both of you, the 14 year old Faith and the older and adult Faith!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 01, 2019, 11:32:18 AM
The gals at work here are great. I had my luncheon date, lots of gal talk .. They bought me a gift!! Yes, my eyes are leaking. I am managing to hold them back a bit.

(https://i.imgur.com/ExsvXxb.jpg)

And yes, if you're wondering, I asked them both and they both said absolutely I could share the photo untouched. Although, I did consider blurring my face a bit.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on March 01, 2019, 02:53:47 PM
Happy birthday Faith. And you are the prettiest in that picture (but of course, you can't see it).

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 01, 2019, 04:32:02 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 01, 2019, 11:32:18 AM
The gals at work here are great. I had my luncheon date, lots of gal talk .. They bought me a gift!! Yes, my eyes are leaking. I am managing to hold them back a bit.

(https://i.imgur.com/ExsvXxb.jpg)

And yes, if you're wondering, I asked them both and they both said absolutely I could share the photo untouched. Although, I did consider blurring my face a bit.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Wow... a beautiful moment for you AND a beautiful picture of you!!!!
Thank you for sharing...  this picture is a keeper!!!
Hugs,

Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 01, 2019, 05:14:41 PM
Happy Birthday Faith. That's a lovely picture of the three of you.

Big hugs girl.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 01, 2019, 07:48:12 PM
Quote from: Anne Blake on March 01, 2019, 02:53:47 PM
Happy birthday Faith. And you are the prettiest in that picture (but of course, you can't see it).

Tia Anne

Well, you got that half right. Those are two beautiful gals right there, inside and out.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 01, 2019, 04:32:02 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Wow... a beautiful moment for you AND a beautiful picture of you!!!!
Thank you for sharing...  this picture is a keeper!!!
Hugs,

Danielle

Oh yes, Danielle, a beautiful moment and one I'll treasure. The picture has to stay around for when I get old(er) and (more)feeble and my brain gives out. Some things you simply don't want to forget.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on March 01, 2019, 07:57:27 PM
Wow, three beautiful women.  Happy birthday.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 02, 2019, 08:03:29 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I really like how you have changed your personal thread's title to "Faith's Progress" ...
Now when I am looking through the Recent Topics your thread will be very easy for me to find!!!!

Thank you for keeping us all updated with your life events and sharing your great photos.
I am always looking for your thread whenever I log in to the Forums.

Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on March 02, 2019, 10:31:42 AM
Love the new name of your thread and the pic of you and your work friends!

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 02, 2019, 10:40:05 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 02, 2019, 08:03:29 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I really like how you have changed your personal thread's title to "Faith's Progress" ...
Now when I am looking through the Recent Topics your thread will be very easy for me to find!!!!

Thank you for keeping us all updated with your life events and sharing your great photos.
I am always looking for your thread whenever I log in to the Forums.

Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle


Wait! What? Awww... That's what happened. I was thinking I missed another thread :o Good choice in naming you personal thread Faith.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 02, 2019, 12:10:16 PM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 02, 2019, 08:03:29 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I really like how you have changed your personal thread's title to "Faith's Progress" ...
Now when I am looking through the Recent Topics your thread will be very easy for me to find!!!!

Thank you for keeping us all updated with your life events and sharing your great photos.
I am always looking for your thread whenever I log in to the Forums.

Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle


Yes, I thought about it for a while. I think I caught Cindy by asking for a rename rather than locking it, again. :D

Quote from: Jessica on March 02, 2019, 10:31:42 AM
Love the new name of your thread and the pic of you and your work friends!

Hugs and smiles, Jess

Thanks Jess, I had a dream about it and ... no not really, I just read your post about your dream. Congratulations on making your dream come true by reaching out to your friend.

I really like that photo myself. Not me in it, the fact that I have real friends in it. That's new for me and very welcome.

Quote from: Donica on March 02, 2019, 10:40:05 AM
Wait! What? Awww... That's what happened. I was thinking I missed another thread :o Good choice in naming you personal thread Faith.

CRAP!! you found me. I shouldn't have left that change of address :D :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 02, 2019, 12:20:25 PM
oh, forgot a happy moment last night. We stopped at IHOP, our choice for inexpensive eats, well not only were we 'ladies' I also got an offhand "that's her's" when she spoke to another waitress helping her with the food.

It means a bit more, to me, to realize it was done casually and not "out of politeness" .. YAY!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 02, 2019, 12:29:09 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 02, 2019, 12:20:25 PM
oh, forgot a happy moment last night. We stopped at IHOP, our choice for inexpensive eats, well not only were we 'ladies' I also got an offhand "that's her's" when she spoke to another waitress helping her with the food.

It means a bit more, to me, to realize it was done casually and not "out of politeness" .. YAY!!

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Yes indeed, a happy moment....  ladies night at IHOP.   
That sort of thing is very affirming and when the comment comes casually like it did,
an overheard comment like that does so very much for your confidence too.

Thank you for your report.
Many HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 02, 2019, 05:00:01 PM
Support group meet today, second time for me. This time I not only managed to not break down I actually contributed.

Amongst other things I brought up, for me, was about mirrors and photos. In one response, she (another gal in the group) interjected a "you're gorgeous" comment. Which I heard several more times before we were done ... apparently I present well.

The important part, Lori went and joined the spouses to/parents of group. She did enjoy talking (listening) to them. She said that most of what was discussed we've already talked about.

I think that she won't mind going back again. To hear others with similar issues and also a chance to help, I think it'll be good for her and them.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on March 02, 2019, 06:42:02 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 02, 2019, 05:00:01 PM
Support group meet today, second time for me. This time I not only managed to not break down I actually contributed.

Amongst other things I brought up, for me, was about mirrors and photos. In one response, she (another gal in the group) interjected a "you're gorgeous" comment. Which I heard several more times before we were done ... apparently I present well.

The important part, Lori went and joined the spouses to/parents of group. She did enjoy talking (listening) to them. She said that most of what was discussed we've already talked about.

I think that she won't mind going back again. To hear others with similar issues and also a chance to help, I think it'll be good for her and them.
I really enjoy it that you like our support group.  I could not make it, because I am still to scared to drive that distance!  Next time I will be there again!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on March 02, 2019, 08:13:24 PM
Happy birthday. You have some very nice friends at work.

I think you look great :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 04, 2019, 06:44:33 AM
Quote from: Dietlind on March 02, 2019, 06:42:02 PM
I really enjoy it that you like our support group.  I could not make it, because I am still to scared to drive that distance!  Next time I will be there again!

I started to look for you, then I remembered that you'd have trouble with seating.

Quote from: Rachel on March 02, 2019, 08:13:24 PM
Happy birthday. You have some very nice friends at work.

I think you look great :)

Thank you Rachel :)



It was a beautiful happy uplifting affirming weekend. After a rocky start on Friday it got better and better and better.
Saturday, I cannot describe everything from Saturday. I was her all day!! Not just to others, to myself as well. Mirrors and reflections joined in to give me positive feedback. I did not get a photo, I did not want to take the chance that a photo would ruin it for me ... no photo is the only down part of the weekend  :( 

Back to work now, bleech. Can I retire? I can handle homeless (no I can't)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 05, 2019, 10:42:38 AM
hellooooo!! is this thing on??!!

mood still up through this morning. I had a couple triggers from here on the forum, really brought up my anxiety. I had to walk it out. I think I'm ok now, I just have to do more topic avoidance. It didn't bring my mood down at least.

Nothing new to report
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on March 05, 2019, 11:14:02 AM
Hi Faith,

I am glad to hear that you are in up spirits and some forum looks didn't bring that tumbling down. Your latest posting have been so positive, they have given Deb and I a lot of joy reading them. I was just scrolling through some pictures on my phone from our visit and have one that just makes us smile when we look at it. We do enjoy your friendship.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 05, 2019, 11:21:23 AM
Quote from: Anne Blake on March 05, 2019, 11:14:02 AM
Hi Faith,

I am glad to hear that you are in up spirits and some forum looks didn't bring that tumbling down. Your latest posting have been so positive, they have given Deb and I a lot of joy reading them. I was just scrolling through some pictures on my phone from our visit and have one that just makes us smile when we look at it. We do enjoy your friendship.

Tia Anne

Thanks Tia!  If you really enjoy it and want to share, go ahead and post it in your honeymoon thread even though the honeymoon is over .. no no no .. even though the trip is over.  I promise not to melt.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 05, 2019, 04:44:49 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 02, 2019, 12:10:16 PM
CRAP!! you found me. I shouldn't have left that change of address :D :D

Haha! You can run but you can't hide ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Moonflower on March 05, 2019, 07:59:53 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 04, 2019, 06:44:33 AM
It was a beautiful happy uplifting affirming weekend. After a rocky start on Friday it got better and better and better.
Saturday, I cannot describe everything from Saturday. I was her all day!! Not just to others, to myself as well. Mirrors and reflections joined in to give me positive feedback. I did not get a photo, I did not want to take the chance that a photo would ruin it for me ... no photo is the only down part of the weekend  :( 
The BEST birthday present: seeing yourself, and liking what you see. What encore could follow?

Happy happy birthday! What a year! What a brighter future!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on March 06, 2019, 04:34:43 PM
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Just as a preemptive thing [emoji23]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 06, 2019, 05:09:12 PM
Quote from: sarah1972 on March 06, 2019, 04:34:43 PM
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Just as a preemptive thing [emoji23]
BRAT!

Quote from: Moonflower on March 05, 2019, 07:59:53 PM
The BEST birthday present: seeing yourself, and liking what you see. What encore could follow  .......
.... read further ...
TL;DR at the bottom

Today would have been another typical work day except I took the day off. Lori and I lazed around in bed for a little extra sleepy-time. I got up and made coffee, as is the norm. The air, being a bit brisk, caused me to get fully dressed. I started with my face, since it needs the most work. I ended up with a nice short-sleeve form-fitting butt length black sweater top over a lighter white long-sleeve sweater top (I told you it was brisk). Matched them up with my white jeans and black sneaks, since I don't have any nice closed-toe shoes and it was too cold for open-toes. Lori decides that she should catch up with me and also gets dressed, very nicely I  must add. She pulls off the girl look much easier than I do. We finally loaded up for a day of errands. First stop, Publix .. we needed some cash, $500 should do it.

Finally getting away from there with the cash, after  few hiccups, we drove to our second stop - Court house for the Clerk of Court office. After a few false starts .. when you are asked several times if you have tweezers it really helps if you remember that, yes, I do have tweezers in my purse. Disposing of the potentially life-threatening device outside the building I again entered and was granted access to the inner workings of our local government (I think graveyards have more live people!).

Asking directions, since we were clueless, we arrived at the wrong office to stand in an empty line just to be told where to go  ... erm .. given directions to the right office. Arriving at the right office we again stood in an empty line. The lady was very pleasant, shuffling through my improperly sorted paperwork for what I really needed to file. "You don't need this"; "Are you sure you want to file that?" etc etc. That all done she relieved me of most of my hard-earned cash, handing back the extra $100 that I gave to her (oops). Good thing to as we need that later! Asking about particular info she was taken aback that I didn't already have it. Apparently had I asked they have a prepared packet I could have used ... arrgghhh!. Anyways, I got what I needed along with instructions for what to do next. After we exited the office I hugged Lori and cried on her shoulder. I'm sure it was from the loss of my money. Monetary extractions hurt, let no one tell you otherwise.

Onward we go to our third stop, the local Sherrif. Thereupon we waited to be processed like common criminals. NAAHHH!!  Another very nice lady ... are there no men that actually do work? Oh yeah, they wait at metal scanner to wrestle  you to the ground or shoot you ... had us wait until someone could cover the phones so that we could be 'processed'. Ok, really it was just me. I get invited into the itty-bitty room whereupon my fingers are duly ingested into the local electronic system. I assume so that I can be properly identified should I have the audacity to pick my nose in front of an officer or something. Relieved of some more of my fast-dwindling cash I was given yet more instructions for ridding myself of even more of my cash.

Lunch/breakfast cravings hit so we hit our favorite money-saving edible food joint (IHOP) .. 30 minute wait!! SNOWBIRDS GO HOME!! Yeah, we waited and waited, we were seated, and waited, we ordered, and waited and waited. YAY! FOOD! It's all good, we got 'ladies' and I also got 'honey' .. so sweet.

HEY, why wait for the DR's appointment (4th stop), call and see if we can get in early. Pay dirt! New appointment in an hour and a half. So we did what any red-blooded person would do, we went shopping. We did manage to get out of there empty-handed, whew! Off to the Chiropractor to un-pretzel'd .. they had no problem taking more of our cash :( Very nice though, they always treat me like a lady and were excited for me as I recounted our days activities.

Slow drive home with a few stops. We need a couch, didn't get one since all my cash was gone. I did get 'lady' and ma'am so that was worth it. We should have avoided Goodwill though. I found some newish boots :D They'll work better than my old boots for these colder days requiring closed toes .. oop, the heel is higher. Well, more walking practice is called for.

Last stop before home - Publix, again, for a prescription pick-up .. woo, I get to give Lori a shot! .. yeah, nope. The prescription wasn't called in. Straighten that out after we get home.

We finally arrived home to collapse around 4:30 pm (the original scheduled time for the Dr appt.). Finally rest time. Yeah, nope. Time to get on the interwebs and spend more money on a criminal background check so wondrously required of me due to my finger ingestation.

TL;DR
Spent loads of money
Filed my official 'Petition for Name Change' at the Clerks office
I cried after filing
Got fingerprinted at the Sheriff's office for the afore-mentioned petition
Got gendered mucho correctly throughout the day
Processed the payment for background check with the state.

I already have my Dr letter for gender change for the Social Security card. Now I just wait a few weeks to be contacted by the clerk to schedule my court date.

umm .. YAY? :D

ps
any typo's or grammatical errors ... too bad. There's too many words for me to proofread!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on March 06, 2019, 05:26:49 PM
And here is another SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE from your little brat (My BFF has a different term for me which I'll not reveal).

Congratulations on kicking off the next big step in your transition! I hope you will soon hear back and get your court order. Then the real fun begins of updating everything....

So excited for you!

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Faith on March 06, 2019, 05:09:12 PM
BRAT!
.... read further ...
.

TL;DR
Spent loads of money
Filed my official 'Petition for Name Change' at the Clerks office
I cried after filing
Got fingerprinted at the Sheriff's office for the afore-mentioned petition
Got gendered mucho correctly throughout the day
Processed the payment for background check with the state.

I already have my Dr letter for gender change for the Social Security card. Now I just wait a few weeks to be contacted by the clerk to schedule my court date.

umm .. YAY? :D

ps
any typo's or grammatical errors ... too bad. There's too many words for me to proofread!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on March 06, 2019, 06:14:33 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 06, 2019, 05:09:12 PM

TL;DR
Spent loads of money
Filed my official 'Petition for Name Change' at the Clerks office
I cried after filing
Got fingerprinted at the Sheriff's office for the afore-mentioned petition
Got gendered mucho correctly throughout the day
Processed the payment for background check with the state.

I already have my Dr letter for gender change for the Social Security card. Now I just wait a few weeks to be contacted by the clerk to schedule my court date.

umm .. YAY? :D

ps
any typo's or grammatical errors ... too bad. There's too many words for me to proofread!!!
Do you have any pointers for me?  I plan to start the whole stuff next week (as soon as I feel comfy driving around in a car).
I filled out a million online forms to download, which were the ones they don't need?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 06, 2019, 06:27:53 PM
Quote from: Dietlind on March 06, 2019, 06:14:33 PM
Do you have any pointers for me?  I plan to start the whole stuff next week (as soon as I feel comfy driving around in a car).
I filled out a million online forms to download, which were the ones they don't need?

Contact your clerk of courts office. Ask them if they have a petition for name change packet.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on March 06, 2019, 06:35:29 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 06, 2019, 06:27:53 PM
Contact your clerk of courts office. Ask them if they have a petition for name change packet.
Thanks
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Moonflower on March 06, 2019, 08:33:45 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 06, 2019, 05:09:12 PM
... We finally loaded up for a day of errands. First stop, Publix .. we needed some cash, $500 should do it.

Finally getting away from there with the cash, after  few hiccups, we drove to our second stop - Court house for the Clerk of Court office. After a few false starts .. when you are asked several times if you have tweezers it really helps if you remember that, yes, I do have tweezers in my purse. Disposing of the potentially life-threatening device outside the building I again entered and was granted access to the inner workings of our local government (I think graveyards have more live people!).

Asking directions, since we were clueless, we arrived at the wrong office to stand in an empty line just to be told where to go  ... erm .. given directions to the right office. Arriving at the right office we again stood in an empty line. The lady was very pleasant, shuffling through my improperly sorted paperwork for what I really needed to file. "You don't need this"; "Are you sure you want to file that?" etc etc. That all done she relieved me of most of my hard-earned cash, handing back the extra $100 that I gave to her (oops). Good thing to as we need that later! Asking about particular info she was taken aback that I didn't already have it. Apparently had I asked they have a prepared packet I could have used ... arrgghhh!. Anyways, I got what I needed along with instructions for what to do next. After we exited the office I hugged Lori and cried on her shoulder. I'm sure it was from the loss of my money. Monetary extractions hurt, let no one tell you otherwise.

Onward we go to our third stop, the local Sherrif. Thereupon we waited to be processed like common criminals. NAAHHH!!  Another very nice lady ... are there no men that actually do work? Oh yeah, they wait at metal scanner to wrestle  you to the ground or shoot you ... had us wait until someone could cover the phones so that we could be 'processed'. Ok, really it was just me. I get invited into the itty-bitty room whereupon my fingers are duly ingested into the local electronic system. I assume so that I can be properly identified should I have the audacity to pick my nose in front of an officer or something. Relieved of some more of my fast-dwindling cash I was given yet more instructions for ridding myself of even more of my cash.

Lunch/breakfast cravings hit so we hit our favorite money-saving edible food joint (IHOP) .. 30 minute wait!! SNOWBIRDS GO HOME!! Yeah, we waited and waited, we were seated, and waited, we ordered, and waited and waited. YAY! FOOD! It's all good, we got 'ladies' and I also got 'honey' .. so sweet.

HEY, why wait for the DR's appointment (4th stop), call and see if we can get in early. Pay dirt! New appointment in an hour and a half. So we did what any red-blooded person would do, we went shopping. We did manage to get out of there empty-handed, whew! Off to the Chiropractor to un-pretzel'd .. they had no problem taking more of our cash :( Very nice though, they always treat me like a lady and were excited for me as I recounted our days activities.

Slow drive home with a few stops. We need a couch, didn't get one since all my cash was gone. I did get 'lady' and ma'am so that was worth it. We should have avoided Goodwill though. I found some newish boots :D They'll work better than my old boots for these colder days requiring closed toes .. oop, the heel is higher. Well, more walking practice is called for.

Last stop before home - Publix, again, for a prescription pick-up .. woo, I get to give Lori a shot! .. yeah, nope. The prescription wasn't called in. Straighten that out after we get home.

We finally arrived home to collapse around 4:30 pm (the original scheduled time for the Dr appt.). Finally rest time. Yeah, nope. Time to get on the interwebs and spend more money on a criminal background check so wondrously required of me due to my finger ingestation.

TL;DR
Spent loads of money
Filed my official 'Petition for Name Change' at the Clerks office
I cried after filing
Got fingerprinted at the Sheriff's office for the afore-mentioned petition
Got gendered mucho correctly throughout the day
Processed the payment for background check with the state.

I already have my Dr letter for gender change for the Social Security card. Now I just wait a few weeks to be contacted by the clerk to schedule my court date.

umm .. YAY? :D

ps
any typo's or grammatical errors ... too bad. There's too many words for me to proofread!!!
You betcha, YAY! What a day! What an emotionally-charged day! Thanks for sharing it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on March 06, 2019, 08:50:09 PM
That's an amazing day Faith.  Now how many times did you tear up?
I would have been over the moon the whole day!

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on March 07, 2019, 12:12:28 AM
Faith, congratulations!  Getting that paperwork filed and the process started is a huge accomplishment!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on March 07, 2019, 04:05:40 AM
Fantastic...you go girl...step by step  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 07, 2019, 06:03:08 AM
YAY ME!  :D Yes, I'm still up from yesterday.

@jessica (sorry, mentions don't work) how many times did I tear up? I didn't count, it was several, then several more. I am not counting the tears that actually came out right after filing  :icon_cry: . At least I didn't break down right there, that would have been embarrassing  :icon_redface: .

My new(ish) boots. The heels are twice as high as my others  :o They are comfortably large enough for thicker socks on cool days.

here's a photo. Hope it's not too dark, I had to balance between the shoe and the nasty work room floor.
(https://i.imgur.com/BIMCk3Am.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 07, 2019, 07:08:06 AM
Congratulations on filing the name change  stuff.  Do you know yet when its supposed to be official?

Cute boots by the way.


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 07, 2019, 08:18:19 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on March 07, 2019, 07:08:06 AM
Congratulations on filing the name change  stuff.  Do you know yet when its supposed to be official?

Cute boots by the way.

Thanks, on the boots.

Background check from the fingerprinting can take up to two weeks, after that the Clerk contacts me for court scheduling
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on March 07, 2019, 08:45:37 AM
Faith, congratulations on filing your offical name change! 

Nice boots!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 07, 2019, 10:19:58 AM
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 07, 2019, 08:45:37 AM
Faith, congratulations on filing your offical name change! 

Nice boots!

Thanks Kathy. The boots are Merona. Rather inexpensive boots (and I paid even less 2nd hand), they fit though. If I measured correctly they are 3.5" heels. Takes a bit of getting used to. I can feel it in my ankles when I do my parking lot walk.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on March 07, 2019, 04:29:59 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 07, 2019, 10:19:58 AM
Thanks Kathy. The boots are Merona. Rather inexpensive boots (and I paid even less 2nd hand), they fit though. If I measured correctly they are 3.5" heels. Takes a bit of getting used to. I can feel it in my ankles when I do my parking lot walk.
Those are pretty high heels!  I have pair of ankle boots with 3 1/2 " high heels, one has to get really used to them!

My most comfortable shoes are ankle boots with a 2 1/2 " high block heel.  I can walk the entire day in them.  I bought them at Payless, when they had their 1/2 price off sale.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 07, 2019, 05:19:05 PM
Love the boots Faith. Long day but well worth the effort for your name change. Congratulations Mrs. Faith :) (Wasn't sure if I should use your last name?)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 10, 2019, 01:50:41 PM
Ruin a day with a few words. Today it was, "Thank you, sir".

I am not dressed like a man
I do not have my hair styled like a man
I was not talking like a man
and yet,
"Thank you, sir"

I guess I need a new face

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on March 10, 2019, 01:55:00 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 10, 2019, 01:50:41 PM
Ruin a day with a few words. Today it was, "Thank you, sir".

I am not dressed like a man
I do not have my hair styled like a man
I was not talking like a man
and yet,
"Thank you, sir"

I guess I need a new face

I'm sorry there are ignorant people in the world.

It might be he needs glasses or he is just has no manners.  If someone is obviously presenting as a woman, that should be the end of the debate.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on March 10, 2019, 02:06:25 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 10, 2019, 01:50:41 PM
Ruin a day with a few words. Today it was, "Thank you, sir".

I am not dressed like a man
I do not have my hair styled like a man
I was not talking like a man
and yet,
"Thank you, sir"

I guess I need a new face
I think you ran into a semi blind idiot!  I have seen your face often enough right across from me, and am not able to see any male features in it.  I asked Audrey, and she, too said you look as feminin as they come!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on March 10, 2019, 02:48:20 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 10, 2019, 01:50:41 PM
Ruin a day with a few words. Today it was, "Thank you, sir".

I am not dressed like a man
I do not have my hair styled like a man
I was not talking like a man
and yet,
"Thank you, sir"

I guess I need a new face
Oh no Faith!! So sorry.

This was me yesterday...  out in a clearly female top, breasts showing, female hair cut ....

Waiter called me "sir" three times.
And for the worst: I did get a "excuse me Sir" in the ladies room of the restaurant while changing my kids diaper. Seriously????

I need a new voice....

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on March 10, 2019, 03:14:36 PM
Quote from: sarah1972 on March 10, 2019, 02:48:20 PM
Oh no Faith!! So sorry.

This was me yesterday...  out in a clearly female top, breasts showing, female hair cut ....

Waiter called me "sir" three times.
And for the worst: I did get a "excuse me Sir" in the ladies room of the restaurant while changing my kids diaper. Seriously????

I need a new voice....
Do you think it is the voice?
Can you find a cis female who can shadow you and tell you the truth what gives you away?  I think it is very often the movements, and less the voice.  I know a few cis women who have voices so low, they could easily sing Bariton or even Base Bariton, and nobody doubts their femininity because they move like women.

I live solely among women only for many years now, and have hardly any contact to the male world anymore, and I can see how different the average man moves compared to the way I move.

See, if you can get an honest opinion on what gives you away?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on March 10, 2019, 03:29:54 PM
Oh, Faith, that hurts, I know.

It is not just that you are going to take on a burden about whether or not you pass that bothers me.  It also bothers me that there are people out there that will deliberately choose to hurt you just because they think they can.  :icon_evil:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 10, 2019, 04:04:39 PM
Your face is fine, they need new eyes and manners.

Thank you ma'am.




Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 11, 2019, 07:58:00 AM
Thank you all for you consolations. I am not going to try to dissect the why. To do so would drive me down into the pits and I'm close enough already. I am not going to 2nd guess myself on each little thing that I do. I am already self-critical enough without that.

I have had lengthy conversations with other gals without giving myself away. Also strictly visual. True, it could be that they are clueless on social cues.  fyi, I am up to two whistles while out walking so something is is changing for the better. It is dark out when I walk so there is that. I just need to turn the sun down a bit (a lot).

Kathy 'taking on the burden of passing' .. well, I didn't choose to. The longer I am in transition the worse it gets. Yet, it's not about passing, it was the wrongness of it. It was a huge electric jolt then I had to fight the tears back. I can look in the mirror and know I don't pass. I also know I am a her. HE is wrong SHE is right. That sir was just wrong. I felt it with every fiber of my being.

Maybe someday I won't be so sensitive.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on March 11, 2019, 10:17:37 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 11, 2019, 07:58:00 AMYet, it's not about passing, it was the wrongness of it.
That was what I meant.  The guy was just WRONG to address you as "sir".  Period. 

And you shouldn't have to de-sensitize yourself to it, to accommodate the wrongness of idiots (not my first choice of words, but one that I can post).  Their wrongness shouldn't be accommodated.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 12, 2019, 07:13:11 AM
so, yeah, uh-huh, I'm still internally stressing. I think it's a good thing that I don't have any jeans (they still seem to be missing :-\)

That aside, I cannot remember my last shared photo. I could scroll back, yet, what's the fun in that? So, here's a today, this moment, right now .. not really, it was 5 minutes ago.

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/2QTqnKO.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on March 12, 2019, 07:18:43 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 12, 2019, 07:13:11 AM
so, yeah, uh-huh, I'm still internally stressing. I think it's a good thing that I don't have any jeans (they still seem to be missing :-\)

That aside, I cannot remember my last shared photo. I could scroll back, yet, what's the fun in that? So, here's a today, this moment, right now .. not really, it was 5 minutes ago.


Hey Faith

Looking FAB....U...LOUS.....where oh where could your jeans have gone....good fairy??
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on March 12, 2019, 07:37:18 AM
You look great, hun!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 12, 2019, 07:41:57 AM
thank you both .. I wish I didn't have to force the smile :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 12, 2019, 07:58:58 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 12, 2019, 07:41:57 AM
thank you both .. I wish I didn't have to force the smile :(
You look nice and I like that top.

You're smile doesn't look forced so much as posed.  Spontaneous smile is hard to get in a photo, especially a selfie.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on March 12, 2019, 08:33:45 AM
Faith, I think you look really great in this picture.  But as you know, I feel you look great all the time anyway!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 12, 2019, 09:28:33 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Thank you for feeling led to sharing your latest photo.   
As all the other members commented, you look fantastic.... and of course your hair is terrific.

Thank you for treating us all to your picture update.
Hugs,
Danielle


Quote from: Faith on March 12, 2019, 07:13:11 AM
so, yeah, uh-huh, I'm still internally stressing. I think it's a good thing that I don't have any jeans (they still seem to be missing :-\)

That aside, I cannot remember my last shared photo. I could scroll back, yet, what's the fun in that? So, here's a today, this moment, right now .. not really, it was 5 minutes ago.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 12, 2019, 10:23:44 AM
Dietlinde ... I know what you think, you're blunt enough about it :D :) :)
psst, in case you didn't notice the smilies ... that was in fun.


Danielle, Always nice 'seeing' you pop in. Yeah, the infamous hair. Nothing like a nice plume to draw attention away from the sharp beak :D Seriously though, as bad as my dysphoria gets, I am so glad to have my hair to help ease it. So many gals here struggle with that one :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on March 12, 2019, 08:35:40 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 12, 2019, 10:23:44 AM
Dietlinde ... I know what you think, you're blunt enough about it :D :) :)
psst, in case you didn't notice the smilies ... that was in fun.

Faith, I just tell the truth, when the truth needs to be told (and I don't even talk about your hair!)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 13, 2019, 06:32:14 AM
Last night was a good night .. until. I'm going to copy/paste my Facebook rant:
QuoteAnger. At least it would be if only I could still get mad.

I opted to go to Gilchrist park tonight and play music. It was a very good night .. until the end. I was rusty, still played ok. Those that spoke to me tried real hard to call me by my name, my real name .. until the end.

I approached Fred to discuss the name since I'd know he had heard it, his response? Nope, John, just can't do it brother. Then professed to 'love me but can't' ... seriously? This is MY name, who I CHOSE TO BE - BY NAME; WHAT I CHOOSE TO BE CALLED. You don't have the right to deny me who I am. To do so shows blatant disregard and disrespect FOR ME.

I will not be going back there so long as Fred is there. We've already been avoiding their play dates. I don't get to see/hear my own brother sing and play because it's Fred's band and 'he' doesn't approve.

If anyone knows those that go to Gilchrist park on Tuesdays, tell them I am sorry. I won't be back. I have no way to tell them myself. I wish to thank them for showing me kindness and acceptance and for their willingness to try, even if they didn't understand.

Faith <<-- that's me, you can't take it away!!!!!!!!!

I have no words, no actually I have lots of words, for people so arrogant in their own opinions and beliefs that nothing else matters. No one .. NO ONE .. has the right to judge how you live your life, how you perceive yourself, what you wish to be called. The only time that you in the wrong when in pursuit of 'self' is if that pursuit interferes with another person's right to do the same.

as an extreme example:
Murder.  Sure, you can claim to have the right to be yourself by killing other people because "it's who you are". Except!! doing so interferes with their right to live their life .. by living. That makes you wrong.
Another example:
Impaired/distracted Driving. You can claim to have the right to drive no matter what, well you don't. Driving impaired, leading to a crash with possible injuries or death, is not within anyone's right. You stole their right for (reasonably) safe travels from them with your selfish disregard for the risks and consequences.

How does using my chosen name and gender interfere with your right to be yourself, to use your name and gender?
It doesn't.
How does the way I dress interfere with your right to how to dress?
It doesn't

If what you are doing interferes with another person ability to do the same .. YOU ARE WRONG.

I could keep going, I'm not. Even though the thoughts are screaming through my head I simply cannot type them all and have them make sense. The gray zone of ethics and morality and decency is hard to define and impossible for some (since they have none).
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on March 13, 2019, 07:32:23 AM
@ Faith
The Fred's of this world and their ilk are not even worth the while to be mentioned.  if he is to stupid or to slow of a thinker that he cannot get used to a new name for a person, ho does he deal with women who get married and get a different name.  I think it has nothing to do with his I can't, it is more I don't want to because I am a homophobic a*** hole!

I feel it is the right decision to not meet him anymore!  Can you have your brother tell him what an A*** he is?

Lot's of mega hugs for you this morning!
Linde
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 13, 2019, 08:39:32 AM
For now all I can say us F$#% Fred.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anjanette Miranda on March 13, 2019, 09:09:53 AM
You look beautiful  Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rayna on March 13, 2019, 11:58:59 AM
Faith, I'm sorry you had to encounter that F* person (what's her name? Freddi?) You are right to be strong, ignore and avoid people like that. None of us needs that kind of trouble.

I love your look! You are more formal than I am, but it plays well on you. I wish I could have your lovely hair.

You talk about forcing a smile, but as Tonya said, it's more about posing for a selfie. You should see how many selfies I have to take before I get a decent expression! Well no, you don't want to see them, but it's like a 20:1 ratio. Fortunately it's easy to delete digital photos.

Love, Randy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 13, 2019, 01:16:54 PM
Quote from: Anjanette Miranda on March 13, 2019, 09:09:53 AM
You look beautiful  Faith
Thank you Anjanette I appreciate it even if I don't feel it. (I need to stop doing that :( )
Welcome to my little corner :)


Dietlinde, I have absolutely no problem with people that ¿disagree? with being trans, the idea of it, being around them, whatever. That is their choice to make. Just the same as I have a choice to not see or disagree with things that I don't like in others. I do have a problem when it evolves into hate, intolerance, disrespect. It is not his opinion that I disagree with, it's the lack of regard and respect for me and my life. You don't have to agree with someone to show respect.


Quote from: TonyaW on March 13, 2019, 08:39:32 AM
For now all I can say us F$#% Fred.
Quote from: RandyL on March 13, 2019, 11:58:59 AM
Faith, I'm sorry you had to encounter that F* person (what's her name? Freddi?) You are right to be strong, ignore and avoid people like that. None of us needs that kind of trouble.

I don't wish to delve into insults. When you throw dirt, everyone gets dirty.


Quote
I love your look! You are more formal than I am, but it plays well on you. I wish I could have your lovely hair.

You talk about forcing a smile, but as Tonya said, it's more about posing for a selfie. You should see how many selfies I have to take before I get a decent expression! Well no, you don't want to see them, but it's like a 20:1 ratio. Fortunately it's easy to delete digital photos.

Love, Randy


I usually do pose smiles, my smile immediately fades when a camera comes out. No, that day I was feeling low. I literally had to force a smile.

My look, thank you. Formal? I don't know about that. I was/am at work. I dress appropriately to the task I am doing that day. Everyone wants my hair  :o You should see it today. I needed a morning shower, conditioned my hair, towel dried it the best that I could, and went to work .. no combing. I certainly had a wild style today HAH!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 13, 2019, 03:06:41 PM


Quote from: Faith on March 13, 2019, 01:16:54 PM

I don't wish to delve into insults. When you throw dirt, everyone gets dirty.

You are right and I certainly did not mean to imply that anyone should say anything like that to his face. That gets us nowhere.  Just a silent F.U. in support of you. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 13, 2019, 03:20:11 PM
Quote from: TonyaW on March 13, 2019, 03:06:41 PM

You are right and I certainly did not mean to imply that anyone should say anything like that to his face. That gets us nowhere.  Just a silent F.U. in support of you. 

:)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 15, 2019, 08:49:42 AM
Time for a little balancing.

I dressed simple today. Black knee length skirt, pink pullover top. It defined my waist and hips! Sure, I have a ways to go .. long way. Still, I like it. Made me happy.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 15, 2019, 09:39:40 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I happily smiled for your when I read your update....

Dressing simply and not overdoing it with how your dress and how you look is what I try to do everyday. 
Ever since I started transitioning years ago and then became full-time, my goal was to fit-it and not stand out.  I always try to dress and have the appearance of being a respectable woman and a respected self-employed business woman.   

Certainly there are times to dress to the nine's when going out to certain events but in my everyday activities at work and in my normal social activities I usually do not want to blatantly stand out.

..... *** what is missing here is YOUR PICTURE today !!!!!


Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle


Quote from: Faith on March 15, 2019, 08:49:42 AM
Time for a little balancing.

I dressed simple today
. Black knee length skirt, pink pullover top. It defined my waist and hips! Sure, I have a ways to go .. long way. Still, I like it. Made me happy.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 15, 2019, 11:15:02 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 15, 2019, 09:39:40 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I happily smiled for your when I read your update....

:)

Quote
Dressing simply and not overdoing it with how your dress and how you look is what I try to do everyday. 
Ever since I started transitioning years ago and then became full-time, my goal was to fit-it and not stand out.  I always try to dress and have the appearance of being a respectable woman and a respected self-employed business woman.   

Certainly there are times to dress to the nine's when going out to certain events but in my everyday activities at work and in my normal social activities I usually do not want to blatantly stand out.

I am pretty conservative at work, business casual most of the time ... except when some dusty work is called for (don't climb ladders in a dress or skirt!!). Then it's time for jeans ... if I had any!!  >:(

I have been known to 'dress up' a couple times .. many compliments when I do so.

Quote

..... *** what is missing here is YOUR PICTURE today !!!!!


My arms are too short to show my outfit and selfies in a work bathroom mirror are pitiful, to put it mildly  :o

Quote
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle


You're most welcome .. HUGSZZZ
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 15, 2019, 11:31:23 AM
Big hugs Faith!!! I just wanted to let you know I'm still here. (I'm watching you :-\!) Did I miss something? Who's the F&%$ face Fred? I went back a few pages but couldn't find your post with this disgusting Fred troll?
Title: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 15, 2019, 12:57:22 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 15, 2019, 08:49:42 AM
Time for a little balancing.

I dressed simple today. Black knee length skirt, pink pullover top. It defined my waist and hips! Sure, I have a ways to go .. long way. Still, I like it. Made me happy.

And that makes me happy! (Well, happi-er. I'm riding pretty high right now.)

Way to go, girlfriend!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 15, 2019, 01:17:27 PM
Quote from: Donica on March 15, 2019, 11:31:23 AM
Big hugs Faith!!! I just wanted to let you know I'm still here. (I'm watching you :-\!) Did I miss something? Who's the F&%$ face Fred? I went back a few pages but couldn't find your post with this disgusting Fred troll?

Go back one page. Can't miss it, it's in blue. Besides, you read it on my Facebook .. right? :D

Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 15, 2019, 12:57:22 PM
And that makes me happy! (Well, happi-er. I'm riding pretty high right now.)

Way to go, girlfriend!

Stephanie

:) :)



On a, disheartening? irritating? disbelieving? note ... I'm sitting here at work minding my own business, actually working, the 'boys' are talking. They are discussing a soap opera (that they each accuse the other of being hooked on) and out comes this comment, "What happened to the chick that used to be a dude?"

:o  >:(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 15, 2019, 02:02:09 PM
Yes I remember Fred now. He's the ass that refuses to call you Faith. I did read this on FB too. I believe I mentioned my next door neighbor is exactly like that. She is very religious and refuses to acknowledge my name and gender. She is a full blown loud mouth gossipy bigot.

That's okay Faith! We are far better, stronger and far more intelligent than people like that. People like that don't have the brain capacity to handle most things anyway. But I'm sure you already know that ;D

I also have a slightly different issue with my son. He said he wouldn't call me anything but dad. I mentioned to him this could problematic in public. He still has to call me dad. He's not being disrespectful. He just loves his dad. Perhaps one day he will understand the importance of not arousing suspicion in public.

Hugs girl.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 16, 2019, 09:11:12 AM
Long day yesterday. So many errands, I wore the same (aforementioned) outfit yesterday until time for bed.

I had a lengthy (ok, it just seemed longer) therapist visit. I recounted my overhearing of the 'chick the was a dude' comment and she told me ..... da da daaaa .. that was a good positive comment.  wha!?? :o then she explained. The comment was stated in a context and led with "what happened to that chick ...' thereby identifying the person as a woman. The second part of the comment was a simple descriptive addition for identification (she said, just throw that part away, it doesn't matter). Well, OK. I'll try to see it that way. Maybe my sensitivity has me skewed. you know, like all those political activists that get insulted by everything .. which I dislike. So, I guess I do need to work on that.

After that visit I was driving home to be alone (Lori went to the fair with my daughter) and I drove right by my house. I remember that a good supportive friend was playing locally (the band I was in .. 2? years ago). I decided to pay him a visit. He;s recently out of the hospital and I wanted to catch up.

Long story short. I sat through the 1st two sets enjoying the music, moving, swaying, ?bouncing? in my chair. Part way through the 3rd set a woman came up and asked if I would like to dance with her. She'd seen me sitting alone and could tell I wanted to dance. I let her talk me into it (I did want to dance) professing my inability to dance. I couldn't manage the dance floor, we picked a rear area that was empty to dance in. Another gal joined us, wondering why we weren't on the dance floor. I took the heat on that one.

Well, next fast dance sure enough, here she came again with more of her friends to drag me up (literally) to the dance floor. I ended up in a circle of 5 other gals.  All the while I'm in that same casual top and knee-length skirt in front of a whole bunch of people that knew me 'before' and have never seen me in a dress, much less a skirt.

It was a good night :)



Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 16, 2019, 09:45:06 AM
[emoji4]

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 16, 2019, 09:57:13 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
It is such a wonderful thing to read your positive and happy update!!!
Transitioning is definitely a "work in progress"  ...
.... and it appears to me that you are progressing well!!!

Thank you for sharing...
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 16, 2019, 12:13:25 PM
Quote from: TonyaW on March 16, 2019, 09:45:06 AM
[emoji4]

:)

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 16, 2019, 09:57:13 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
It is such a wonderful thing to read your positive and happy update!!!
Transitioning is definitely a "work in progress"  ...
.... and it appears to me that you are progressing well!!!

Thank you for sharing...
Hugs,
Danielle


Progressing, yes I am :) Slowly getting more ups than downs.

Oh, and Danielle, I am at work today to do some extra work requiring service interruption. I needed slacks. These were the only comfy jeans that fit the bill for today. This is why I don't like my body shape.

Still, just for you ...

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/q2ZhRgO.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 16, 2019, 12:47:07 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 16, 2019, 12:13:25 PM
:)

Progressing, yes I am :) Slowly getting more ups than downs.

Oh, and Danielle, I am at work today to do some extra work requiring service interruption. I needed slacks. These were the only comfy jeans that fit the bill for today. This is why I don't like my body shape.

Still, just for you ...

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Regarding wearing slacks and casual clothing....  usually at work in my accounting business office I will usually wear a dress or a skirt... and low heels... but the exception is that especially during the winter months I will slacks and sweater.... and if the weather is really bad I have a few times come to my office in denim jeans (nice ones) and a heavy quarter zip sweatshirt type top (without a hood)  ... then of course the gloves, hat, boots, wool socks, etc.   Everyone in town wears that stuff in the bitter cold weather...

You have to have the mental freedom to wear what is appropriate for the tasks and the weather at hand....

Thanks for your post and your picture in pink!!!   ;) ;)
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 16, 2019, 03:21:46 PM
At work I can wear anything I want, within reason so long as decency is maintained. Today called for jeans and since, for some reason, I don't have any blue jeans, I ended up in pink.

That photo, not sure if I can manage to leave it up, I see a guy standing there.  I showed it to Lori and she was brutally honest. She said, "I see a pregnant woman standing there".  Time to get serious about my diet and exercise!!!


I forgot, last night. I was hungry so I ordered something to eat. They were busy. I waited and waited. The. A young man asked me if I'd been taken care of. I said no. He ran off to get a pen. I think he was kitchen staff helping out. Anyways. After a long wait for the food and lots of politeness from him I was finished. As he was about to take it away he asked, "Will there be anything else? My dear". "No thank you".

Yeah, big tip ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rayna on March 16, 2019, 06:56:21 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 16, 2019, 12:13:25 PM
...I am at work today to do some extra work requiring service interruption. I needed slacks. These were the only comfy jeans that fit the bill for today. This is why I don't like my body shape.

Still, just for you ...
Faith you look fine in that photo! So many women are (unfortunately) dissatisfied with their bodies, you fit right into the demographic. And I like your smile!

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 18, 2019, 06:24:02 AM
Quote from: RandyL on March 16, 2019, 06:56:21 PM
... And I like your smile!

Thank you. I lost my smile many years ago. It'd pop up once in a while over the years, never into my eyes though. During this past year it's gotten increasingly difficult not to smile. Even when my mouth isn't smiling my eyes are.



A rough morning today. I dressed up for work, Lori loved it. All black, top/skirt. I pull it off reasonably well. Why was this morning rough? I could see and feel Lori struggling. She misses him. I don't know what to do to ease her pain.



For Danielle, so I don't get yelled at for no photo, it hurts my feelings (not really).
Quote(https://i.imgur.com/vGqv9jX.jpg)
Yes, I've worn it before. It's one of those photos that I deleted.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 18, 2019, 06:32:43 AM
I'm putting this into a different post.

Last night I was messaging with my niece. She was feeling a bit down so, as a lark, I sent her one of my photos stating, "have a photo of me to make you feel better". Well, she loved it stating that I looked so happy. I mentioned wishing that I could see her in it. Her reply? "I see girl all the way". She then proceeded to show it to her nieces boyfriend and asked him, "Is this a guy or a girl?". His instant response ... "that's a girl". I need to work on my perception of self :(

I have been so lucky in my family circle. I am really blessed with wonderful supporting people. Why then do I get so miserable? (that's a rhetorical question).
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 18, 2019, 08:01:02 AM


Quote from: Faith on March 18, 2019, 06:32:43 AM

I need to work on my perception of self :(


Yes you do.  Saw your FB pics that someone else took. You looked relaxed and happy, and female in all of them. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 18, 2019, 08:04:28 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on March 18, 2019, 08:01:02 AM

Yes you do.  Saw your FB pics that someone else took. You looked relaxed and happy, and female in all of them. 

I saw those same pictures - unposed and spontaneous - and I just thought, "Wow, she looks so cute and happy!"


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 18, 2019, 12:30:46 PM
thank you both.

Today is a good day despite feeling bad about the start. I feel good, I can look at my photos, I can even look in the mirror!!  I'm not pushing it though, no staring and ruining it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 18, 2019, 12:51:16 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 18, 2019, 12:30:46 PM
thank you both.

Today is a good day despite feeling bad about the start. I feel good, I can look at my photos, I can even look in the mirror!!  I'm not pushing it though, no staring and ruining it.

I learned something cool about mirrors. If you smile at the girl in the mirror she'll smile back at you!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 18, 2019, 01:04:00 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 18, 2019, 12:51:16 PM
I learned something cool about mirrors. If you smile at the girl in the mirror she'll smile back at you!
@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
You made a great point...  I like mirrors too! 
I am always amazed at the blonde blue eyed woman I see smiling back at me.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rayna on March 18, 2019, 01:09:34 PM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 18, 2019, 12:51:16 PM
I learned something cool about mirrors. If you smile at the girl in the mirror she'll smile back at you!
Yeah but if you laugh at her, she laughs right back! No mercy!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 18, 2019, 01:10:42 PM
Quote from: RandyL on March 18, 2019, 01:09:34 PM
Yeah but if you laugh at her, she laughs right back! No mercy!

Good point. She was just rude and stuck her tongue out at me!


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 18, 2019, 01:43:22 PM
I wouldn't say that girl in the mirror is laughing at you, I would say she is laughing with you. I like mirrors too. It's the camera I can't stand. I mean really! I'm not that fat dang it! I don't look that fat in the mirror ???
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rayna on March 18, 2019, 01:52:39 PM
Quote from: Donica on March 18, 2019, 01:43:22 PM
I wouldn't say that girl in the mirror is laughing at you, I would say she is laughing with you. I like mirrors too.
Yeah good point also. I try to keep a pretty good sense of humor about myself. Yes, we're laughing together! HA! ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 19, 2019, 11:36:52 AM
I laugh at myself all the time. Unfortunately it's one of those self-deprecating laughs.


Disappointment reigns today. I got my letter to schedule my name change hearing last Friday. I forgot the letter yesterday to call them. I remembered it today. I get all pumped up, papers in hand for any questions, make the call and ... answering machine. Out of office until next Monday. Only one person there, no staff.

What's another week when you've been waiting all your life? Eternity, that's what it is.

Can I cuss on here to vent? can I? huh? ok I will

$#%$#&  @%$#@  ^%#@#!!!!!!!!!  >:(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on March 19, 2019, 11:39:01 AM
Oh, no Faith!

I am so sorry, that is not fair. I am surprised that it is a single person scheduling.

Stay strong till Monday! It will happen...

Hugs,

Sarah
Quote from: Faith on March 19, 2019, 11:36:52 AM
I laugh at myself all the time. Unfortunately it's one of those self-deprecating laughs.


Disappointment reigns today. I got my letter to schedule my name change hearing last Friday. I forgot the letter yesterday to call them. I remembered it today. I get all pumped up, papers in hand for any questions, make the call and ... answering machine. Out of office until next Monday. Only one person there, no staff.

What's another week when you've been waiting all your life? Eternity, that's what it is.

Can I cuss on here to vent? can I? huh? ok I will

$#%$#&  @%$#@  ^%#@#!!!!!!!!!  >:(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rayna on March 19, 2019, 12:08:38 PM
Mods! Faith is cussing!

Ok, I'm sorry, but on the plus side at least no one else is scheduling to get in front of you either. It's a delay in knowing when it will happen, but probably not a delay in the actual schedule. I hope it doesn't take too long.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 19, 2019, 12:14:03 PM
I'll be OK. I took a turn around the hallways (it's raining out) to burn off some of the angst.
Plus, there's something that always consoles me now ...

... the woman in the window ...

(https://i.imgur.com/U40AFNU.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 19, 2019, 03:54:39 PM
That's what we see girl!!! Window or not!!! She looks really cute doesn't she!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 20, 2019, 06:42:16 AM
I've found that the upstairs women's room here has a full length mirror. I tend to avoid that one to avoid discomfort, mine and any others that may experience it. It's easy enough to go downstairs to the unisex (despite the nasty men that can't clean up after themselves).

Back on point

I can take full length photos. I took one this morning (3 actually) with the intention of posting them. I just can't. Sorry. There was no forgiveness in that lighting this morning.

I could blur my face into unrecognizability ..
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 20, 2019, 10:22:37 AM
Today I feel invisible.

Picture the world as a running stream of water A river smoothly flowing, swirling around certain points to say HI before again moving along it's way. I feel like the leaf that falls on the water. Drifting here and there, spun around, pushed this way and that, ignored by the water as it moves on to it's next point to swirl around.

No swirls for me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on March 20, 2019, 12:35:57 PM
Oh, no Faith! You are very much visible! When you fell into the water, there was a splash and then little waves formed around you moving over the water.

One day you are a rock, one day you are a leaf. No worries, you will be a rock again!

Hugs,

Sarah
Quote from: Faith on March 20, 2019, 10:22:37 AM
Today I feel invisible.

Picture the world as a running stream of water A river smoothly flowing, swirling around certain points to say HI before again moving along it's way. I feel like the leaf that falls on the water. Drifting here and there, spun around, pushed this way and that, ignored by the water as it moves on to it's next point to swirl around.

No swirls for me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 21, 2019, 07:44:39 AM
I'd like to recount part of a conversation from yesterday. It was with another employee, one I knew to say Hi to not to interact with. I had been wanting to ask him questions regarding perceptions of me for some time .. he's gay. Call this stereotyping if you wish, it was my thought process. I thought that if anyone at work would be honest with me, he would. So, him being gay has no bearing other than making me feel more comfortable talking to him .. yeah, probably something I have to work on. Truth is, he's just a likable guy.

I'll keep this short, too much to type (even Sarah got an abbreviated verbal version).

---------------------------------------------
I got the opportunity to ask so I prefaced with, "I'd like to ask you something and get an honest answer" .. "What do you see when you look at me?"

He was all confused, it was written all over his face and he was like, "I don't understand what your are asking"

I shuffled around a bit and tried to clarify, then his eyes widened a bit.

He goes, "You mean, Do I see John?" "no" stated firmly as he shook his head. "I only see Faith"

I clarified a bit more including fear of looking like a 'guy in a dress' and all the while he's shaking his head no. He said that the changes in the past year, physical and personality, were dramatic. No John there.

He went on to comment about our workplace. He said it was amazing. He's heard no negative comments about me whatsoever. In fact, he said that it was like one day John was gone and the next Faith was there .. NO ONE used the wrong name or pronoun for me even talking amongst themselves. All of a sudden it was 'Faith this' and 'Faith that'.
-------------------------------------

I got more affirmation and confirmation than I was looking for. I knew people were using the correct name when talking to me, some simply out of politeness I thought. Now I find that it's full support, even when I'm not around. It's a good feeling. I fully believe that new hires know nothing about 'John' at all. Of course, I can't ask :P

We easily spoke for about 45 minutes, comparing notes on our 'coming out' scenarios (he came out gay at 18). Both of us recounting the overwhelming positive support we'd received. With trepidation at times, still supportive.


The conversation was tainted a bit by the loss of a recent employee. Life issues were interfering with work and he was let go a few weeks ago. I found out during this conversation that he died from an overdose. He was 33. Very sad. I had talked to him a lot, nice guy, polite. I had no inkling that he was struggling in his personal life at all.  :icon_cry:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 21, 2019, 08:02:10 AM
That was a pretty brave thing to do, in light of how you may have felt if it had turned out negatively. The answers you got were the best possible, though. That is so cool! You are doing so much better in that regard than I am in my little world. If you consider my neighborhood the closest I have to your workplace, my results are pretty much the flip side of yours, at least among the alpha males here. Even among the women, misgendering is rampant, and it's a known fact that the guys talk about me behind my back. Nobody is directly malicious, and are generally supportive, but I'd be overjoyed with the kind of support and respect you're getting from your coworkers. Congratulations!

BTW, your friend is correct. Comparing the pics from when we got together last year to the spontaneous, unposed ones I saw on your friend's Facebook feed, the changes in the last year have been stunning.

You're not just on your way, you've already arrived. You just don't realize it yet.


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 21, 2019, 08:49:13 AM
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 21, 2019, 08:02:10 AM
That was a pretty brave thing to do, in light of how you may have felt if it had turned out negatively.

Sometimes the drive to know outweighs the risk involved. I had to know. Yes, It could have ruined my day, week, month. Yet it didn't :)

Quote
The answers you got were the best possible, though. That is so cool! You are doing so much better in that regard than I am in my little world. If you consider my neighborhood the closest I have to your workplace, my results are pretty much the flip side of yours, at least among the alpha males here. Even among the women, misgendering is rampant, and it's a known fact that the guys talk about me behind my back. Nobody is directly malicious, and are generally supportive, but I'd be overjoyed with the kind of support and respect you're getting from your coworkers.

Except I envy the easy 'out in the world' responses that you enjoy. For example. We were eating at Pizza hut last night (I remember now why we don't eat at that particular location, very poor food experience .. blech!) The waitress would call Lori ma'am during conversation. With me you could literally hear the gaps where she left out any reference at all when talking to me. Lori claims it's because she heard me be referred to as Papa (granddaughter was with us). I'm not so sure. Still, even with that, my presentation should have demanded proper honorifics and pronouns

Quote
BTW, your friend is correct. Comparing the pics from when we got together last year to the spontaneous, unposed ones I saw on your friend's Facebook feed, the changes in the last year have been stunning.

You're not just on your way, you've already arrived. You just don't realize it yet.

Thank you Steph.  Unfortunately, while I can see it in my before/after, I still cannot look at my photos or in mirrors, including unposed photos, except on rare occasions.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on March 21, 2019, 01:32:22 PM
So sorry to hear about your former employee.

I am amazed how quick your work changed to Faith. This is such an amazing sign of acceptance. Glad you found another good person to talk to and his honesty is great.

Very happy for you Faith!

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Faith on March 21, 2019, 07:44:39 AM
I'd like to recount part of a conversation from yesterday. It was with another employee, one I knew to say Hi to not to interact with. I had been wanting to ask him questions regarding perceptions of me for some time .. he's gay. Call this stereotyping if you wish, it was my thought process. I thought that if anyone at work would be honest with me, he would. So, him being gay has no bearing other than making me feel more comfortable talking to him .. yeah, probably something I have to work on. Truth is, he's just a likable guy.

I'll keep this short, too much to type (even Sarah got an abbreviated verbal version).

---------------------------------------------
I got the opportunity to ask so I prefaced with, "I'd like to ask you something and get an honest answer" .. "What do you see when you look at me?"

He was all confused, it was written all over his face and he was like, "I don't understand what your are asking"

I shuffled around a bit and tried to clarify, then his eyes widened a bit.

He goes, "You mean, Do I see John?" "no" stated firmly as he shook his head. "I only see Faith"

I clarified a bit more including fear of looking like a 'guy in a dress' and all the while he's shaking his head no. He said that the changes in the past year, physical and personality, were dramatic. No John there.

He went on to comment about our workplace. He said it was amazing. He's heard no negative comments about me whatsoever. In fact, he said that it was like one day John was gone and the next Faith was there .. NO ONE used the wrong name or pronoun for me even talking amongst themselves. All of a sudden it was 'Faith this' and 'Faith that'.
-------------------------------------

I got more affirmation and confirmation than I was looking for. I knew people were using the correct name when talking to me, some simply out of politeness I thought. Now I find that it's full support, even when I'm not around. It's a good feeling. I fully believe that new hires know nothing about 'John' at all. Of course, I can't ask :P

We easily spoke for about 45 minutes, comparing notes on our 'coming out' scenarios (he came out gay at 18). Both of us recounting the overwhelming positive support we'd received. With trepidation at times, still supportive.


The conversation was tainted a bit by the loss of a recent employee. Life issues were interfering with work and he was let go a few weeks ago. I found out during this conversation that he died from an overdose. He was 33. Very sad. I had talked to him a lot, nice guy, polite. I had no inkling that he was struggling in his personal life at all.  :icon_cry:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 21, 2019, 10:07:01 PM
Today spiraled down from one incident, then another, then another. I tried, I really did, to keep my mood up. Self-image kicked in and it was all over.

I don't think I'll ever get over what the previous 57 years have done to me. I'll have to learn to settle for being less.
Title: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 22, 2019, 06:08:15 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 21, 2019, 08:49:13 AM
Sometimes the drive to know outweighs the risk involved. I had to know. Yes, It could have ruined my day, week, month. Yet it didn't :)

Except I envy the easy 'out in the world' responses that you enjoy.

I admit that it's easier than it used to be, but that doesn't mean I don't have my constant low-level doubts. I have the same "need-to-know" that you, and I suspect, most others here do. While I haven't been misgendered (by strangers) in quite a while, it doesn't mean that I don't still wonder, "do they see a woman, or are they just being nice?" Especially in a situation like you described, where pronouns are used for others, but not for me. It happens. Was it just normal conversation, or am I being paranoid?

And sometimes my craving for recognition overwhelms my intellect, and I do something stupid. When the following happened, I swore I wouldn't tell any other soul except my soul-mate, but the sting has receded to where I'm willing to share it.

As I mentioned in my thread, I had taken a month-long "introduction to yoga" class. I was a bit nervous about going to a class alone and practicing yoga with a roomful of ciswomen, but it turned out to be an awesome experience. By the fourth class the other ladies and I would welcome each other into the class, and banter afterward. The instructor repeatedly affirmed that there were only women in the room, making reference to our periods and childbirth, and telling stories that she assured us weren't appropriate for a class that had men in it. Pretty cool, so I still wonder to this day why I did what I did at the end of the last class.

I still don't know whether I was fishing to see if she knew I was trans, or I wanted to see an amazed reaction when she learned of it. But I hung around after the last class and chatted with the instructor until everyone else left, and then I released my inner idiot. I thanked her for treating me just like all the other women. She looked slightly puzzled and asked why I'd say that? I replied, "Oh... you didn't know? I'm trans."

I'm still not sure what reaction I was looking for, but it was probably something like a shocked expression, and "What?! No way! Are you serious? You look fantastic!!" followed by a big hug.

Instead, I got a reaction that's probably even better, but didn't feel that way at the time.

She waved it off and said, "Oh, I don't care about that! I wondered once, but it wasn't important. Do you think you'll be coming to the followup classes?"

I'm pretty sure I was looking for affirmation and attention, which is a bit sad, really. What I got was someone acting the way we all wish everyone would act. I was presenting female, and that was good enough. That's the way she treated me. Imagine if the whole world worked that way.

I did sign up for those followup classes and continued to be welcomed as another woman in the room.

I'm still mortified that I felt compelled to out myself. It was a lesson learned and a mistake I won't make again. I does prove, though, that wherever you are on the transition journey, there are always doubts and a need for affirmation. That shouldn't stop us from getting out there and living our lives. It takes courage every day to do that, despite our worries, but that's how we'll change the world.

Sorry for the rambling. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 22, 2019, 08:21:28 PM
I've been down that road a few times. The "Eh, whatever" response when we're looking for affirmation. It is a bit of a letdown because we built ourselves up to get all those supportive positive comments that we hear so often. It's not an 'us' flaw, it's a human flaw :)

I am always tempted to tell people just to find out. Yet if you tell them and they didn't know, now they do.




Had a bit of a blah day. I did manage to keep my mood even, even raised it a bit after I got home. And that's in spite of wearing jeans to work *gasp* !!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 23, 2019, 10:03:03 AM
I have a few things going on this weekend. I don't have much update that I can think of right now. I'm posting because I want to share something that my wife related to me.

Our entire marriage people have envied how Lori and I interact, get along, love showing through. All those feel-good things you see in romance movies. Well, I won't deny it, it's true. For 36 years that's how it was (despite the anger and depression on my part!!). Bad situations, money issues, all the normal curves life throws at you. Still, that same 'obvious love' interaction pervaded and people noticed. This is our 37th year (in June) and I threw in the biggest curve of all.

My wife told me yesterday that my younger daughter (30ish) asked her, "How do you do it? Nothing has changed for the two of you. You still act the same way" I'll have to paraphrase .. you still relate and care, affection .. closeness. How do you do it? My wifes response? "It's simple, we still love each other."

Love conquers all? No it doesn't. Love with mutual respect, that's what conquers all.

This is how we get through this new chapter in our lives. Love & Respect

Have a great weekend everyone
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 24, 2019, 08:15:22 AM
X-post from the 'made you happy" topic. Since I need it here for .. um .. posterity ? :D

Quote from: Faith on March 24, 2019, 08:12:06 AM
We went over to my nieces last night. I'll confess, one reason for me was to get my hair colored again. I'd specifically asked about it .. to which they agreed. Rather quickly I might add. The evening dragged later and we got ready to leave, I figured too much was going on to get it done. Well, before we could leave my daughter comes running out telling me they were commenting "I guess we're not doing hair" Well, I couldn't disappoint so I went back in.

As it turned out, my nieces did not do it. One niece had a friend who, according to my niece, spends too much time home alone and needed to 'get out'. Very pleasant gal, she should get out more.

Anyways, long story short, I got my hair purpled.  The goal was purple under that would come through at times. Instead I think I have purple hair with silver shining through at times!  Ah well, Lori likes it. So do I for that matter.

Oh, for Steph, the 'pics or it didn't happen' The color is much deeper than what shows in the photos, at least on my screen.

(https://i.imgur.com/RMdgK16.jpg)(https://i.imgur.com/zNYdMBA.jpg)

(too early in the AM for a full face shot!!!!)

(https://i.imgur.com/4srAnVf.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on March 24, 2019, 09:42:28 AM
Very groovy, Faith! :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on March 24, 2019, 12:44:23 PM
Wow-Whee!!!

You rock that purple Faith!!!

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on March 24, 2019, 04:34:29 PM
  Hair is something women use to shake up their worlds. Besides having fun with it drastic changes really do a number on their male partners/friends. I think that is one of the primary goals of these radical changes. It works and you are enjoying it, aren't you, lady?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 24, 2019, 05:25:59 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 24, 2019, 09:42:28 AM
Very groovy, Faith! :)

Quote from: sarah1972 on March 24, 2019, 12:44:23 PM
Wow-Whee!!!

You rock that purple Faith!!!

Hugs,

Sarah

:) :) :)

Quote from: Laurie on March 24, 2019, 04:34:29 PM
  Hair is something women use to shake up their worlds. Besides having fun with it drastic changes really do a number on their male partners/friends. I think that is one of the primary goals of these radical changes. It works and you are enjoying it, aren't you, lady?


I am lovin' it. I don't know that I'm doing for any guys though. I'm pretty sure that I'm doing it for me :)

I already got one random compliment from a stranger, a gal said she loved my hair as we passed her in the Walmart parking lot. The guy that was with her said nothing. I wasn't surprised by his lack of response.

PS, Laurie, I love your profile picture!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on March 24, 2019, 06:10:25 PM
Hi Faith love the"do" that colour suits you...I am boring with my choice of hair colour but it covers the greys ... not all of us can rock it like you [emoji847][emoji847]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on March 24, 2019, 07:01:13 PM
Very cool hair Faith. I love the purple.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 24, 2019, 08:12:55 PM
Quote from: LizK on March 24, 2019, 06:10:25 PM
Hi Faith love the"do" that colour suits you...I am boring with my choice of hair colour but it covers the greys ... not all of us can rock it like you [emoji847][emoji847]

Liz, you should totally try fiery red!!

Quote from: Rachel on March 24, 2019, 07:01:13 PM
Very cool hair Faith. I love the purple.

Thanks Rachel!


I debated these other photos, the unmadeup face bothers me. Lori says they look good. Eh ..

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/ucNdims.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/2ly5oaN.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/8wpAjvp.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/bnS7687.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on March 24, 2019, 08:18:54 PM
QuoteQuote from: Laurie on Today at 02:34:29 pm

QuoteHair is something women use to shake up their worlds. Besides having fun with it drastic changes really do a number on their male partners/friends. I think that is one of the primary goals of these radical changes. It works and you are enjoying it, aren't you, lady?


I am lovin' it. I don't know that I'm doing for any guys though. I'm pretty sure that I'm doing it for me :)

I already got one random compliment from a stranger, a gal said she loved my hair as we passed her in the Walmart parking lot. The guy that was with her said nothing. I wasn't surprised by his lack of response.

  Faith,
  To put it simply I personally believe shocking the male of the species is a favorite pastime of the females of the species regardless of their relationships. A female only guilty pleasure if you will. And then, yes, of course it is just fun to do such things just because we can. Clothes, hair, makeup etc. Girls just wanna have fuuhun...

Thanks for the avatar compliment.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 25, 2019, 06:16:52 AM
Quote from: Laurie on March 24, 2019, 08:18:54 PMFaith,
  To put it simply I personally believe shocking the male of the species is a favorite pastime of the females of the species regardless of their relationships. A female only guilty pleasure if you will. And then, yes, of course it is just fun to do such things just because we can. Clothes, hair, makeup etc. Girls just wanna have fuuhun...

I must admit that right now I like shaking things up .. must be the hormonal teenager coming through. The outfits I tend to gravitate to when not at work do appear to support that self-diagnosis. Lori gets exasperated at times, still, she goes along with them. At least she really likes the purple hair. Which is saying something because she was against any color at all because she loves my silvery-white.

Quote
Thanks for the avatar compliment.

It was an easy one to give, you are very pretty in that photo. Looking much different than the live version I saw many moons ago. I think I need a live update!! :D



1st day at work with my new color. I got up late so didn't get to pick a proper outfit. I already got one jaw-drop. She's a bit conservative about appearance. Which is odd because I've seen some of her evening 'going-out' dresses :O
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 25, 2019, 06:55:33 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 24, 2019, 08:12:55 PM
Liz, you should totally try fiery red!!

Thanks Rachel!


I debated these other photos, the unmadeup face bothers me. Lori says they look good. Eh ..
So did you buy that top to match your hair or dye your hair to match the top?

Either way, they both look great. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 25, 2019, 07:13:52 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on March 25, 2019, 06:55:33 AM
So did you buy that top to match your hair or dye your hair to match the top?

Either way, they both look great. 

I've had the top for some time. It was one of the first tops that purchased. It didn't have anything to do with the hair color, I just like violet/purple :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 25, 2019, 11:02:40 AM
Why do I have this overwhelming desire to post and share something .. when I have nothing to say?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 25, 2019, 11:07:48 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 25, 2019, 11:02:40 AM
Why do I have this overwhelming desire to post and share something .. when I have nothing to say?
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Because your like-minded friends are here and your followers not only eagerly read what you have to say but they (me included) are very interested in what you have to say....
.... and it goes without saying that we are all supporting you, rooting for you and want you to have success and happiness.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 25, 2019, 11:19:26 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 25, 2019, 11:02:40 AM
Why do I have this overwhelming desire to post and share something .. when I have nothing to say?

I've got nothing to say,
But it's okay.
Good morning, good morning, good morning!


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 25, 2019, 11:37:32 AM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 25, 2019, 11:07:48 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Because your like-minded friends are here and your followers not only eagerly read what you have to say but they (me included) are very interested in what you have to say....
.... and it goes without saying that we are all supporting you, rooting for you and want you to have success and happiness.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

hugs and kisses back  :icon_hug: :icon_hug:  :-* :-* :icon_hug: :icon_hug:

Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 25, 2019, 11:19:26 AM
I've got nothing to say,
But it's okay.
Good morning, good morning, good morning!
Stephanie
waving inside the quote  :icon_wave: :icon_wave:

Inclusion: a part of something without having to do or say anything at all .. just be.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 25, 2019, 12:24:54 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 25, 2019, 11:37:32 AM
Inclusion: a part of something without having to do or say anything at all .. just be.
[emoji846]

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 25, 2019, 04:28:29 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 24, 2019, 08:12:55 PM
Liz, you should totally try fiery red!!

Thanks Rachel!


I debated these other photos, the unmadeup face bothers me. Lori says they look good. Eh ..


Whoohoo!! It looks great Faith. I think it looks more lavender than purple. I believe I've mentioned before my favorite color is lavender.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 26, 2019, 07:20:59 AM
Hey Ya'll

I was a big hit at work yesterday. I had three responses
- A mild "I love your hair"
- An intense "I love your hair!"
- A jaw drop and "OMG, I LOVE YOUR HAIR"
as for that third, one gal was so excited she started dancing around me. That seemed like a bit much ... she is into colored hair though and rather excitable every day :D


Nothing new to add. I do have this swelling in my chest that feels like a balloon full of 'feel good'. I think it'll be a good day :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 26, 2019, 07:34:51 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 26, 2019, 07:20:59 AM
Hey Ya'll

I was a big hit at work yesterday. I had three responses
- A mild "I love your hair"
- An intense "I love your hair!"
- A jaw drop and "OMG, I LOVE YOUR HAIR"
as for that third, one gal was so excited she started dancing around me. That seemed like a bit much ... she is into colored hair though and rather excitable every day :D


Nothing new to add. I do have this swelling in my chest that feels like a balloon full of 'feel good'. I think it'll be a good day :)

SQUEEE!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on March 26, 2019, 11:44:33 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 26, 2019, 07:20:59 AM
Hey Ya'll

I was a big hit at work yesterday. I had three responses
- A mild "I love your hair"
- An intense "I love your hair!"
- A jaw drop and "OMG, I LOVE YOUR HAIR"
as for that third, one gal was so excited she started dancing around me. That seemed like a bit much ... she is into colored hair though and rather excitable every day :D


Nothing new to add. I do have this swelling in my chest that feels like a balloon full of 'feel good'. I think it'll be a good day :)

It's all good!  Life is so much better on the femme side of things, especially the sharing and mutual excitement!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 26, 2019, 12:54:54 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 26, 2019, 07:20:59 AM
Hey Ya'll

I was a big hit at work yesterday. I had three responses
- A mild "I love your hair"
- An intense "I love your hair!"
- A jaw drop and "OMG, I LOVE YOUR HAIR"
as for that third, one gal was so excited she started dancing around me. That seemed like a bit much ... she is into colored hair though and rather excitable every day :D


Nothing new to add. I do have this swelling in my chest that feels like a balloon full of 'feel good'. I think it'll be a good day :)
If you had any doubts about the color, I think you got your answer.
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 26, 2019, 07:34:51 AM
SQUEEE!
I see that with the purple squeee.

Very nice.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 26, 2019, 01:00:56 PM
My doubt wasn't the purple .. it was the amount and intensity. There a lot of purple!!  :O

I also meant three types of responses, not 3 responses. I certainly had more than 3 actual responses .. and more today :D

Thanks everyone!! 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 28, 2019, 06:38:05 AM
Yesterday. Well, as some of you know, yesterday was real bad for dysphoria. I could not look at glimpses, reflections, no images of any kind. Even just sitting and letting my mind drift depressed me more. Things are just wrong! No magic, no money, stuck. All I could do was distract myself which didn't last long. When I arrived home I saw Lori sitting at the sewing machine. My mood immediately lifted. I felt good. No I still couldn't look at myself or think about it yet it no longer eat at me. My mood definitely changed for the better.

Lori received word that our granddaughter (6) needed picked up from school so away we go. After we got to the school, she climbed into the car whereupon I immediately asked her who she was. She can't be my granddaughter the hair is all wrong. I proceeded to get informed of who she is, quite firmly. BTW, she got her hair dyed .. some intense florescent pink  :o I don't know where kids get these ideas from  ::).

We get her home to discover that our grandson (14) is at the mall with no ride home. Ok, time to go to the mall. NO! he's not ready. Too late, we're on the way. To give him more time we planned on wandering a bit. First priority was the restroom .. which was uneventful. Well, there was an event - I just don't think you need to hear bodily function details.

As we're walking back down the hallway from the restroom Lori points out a little white dog, cute, I have no idea of the breed. The dog was accompanied by an older lady, a bit older than me - mid to late 60's as a guess. Anyways, this lady is looking at me. Well, having my wits about me and remembering all those suggestions here on Susan's to disarm anyone staring with a big smile, I looked her straight in the eye and gave her the best smile I could come up with. I'm pretty sure it was not a terminator grimace (anyone seen that where he tries to smile? *shudder*). She smiled back and we kept going.

Rather than wander we decided to eat .. well, I did at least. Sitting there eating .. holy cow? how much did they think I could eat? They really piled it on - I didn't finish it! .. I digress ... sitting there eating our grandson comes walking up. Lori takes him to get something to eat (pizza, of course). So, I'm sitting there alone quietly eating.

I wasn't really looking around, peripheral vision showed shadows moving by, then one stopped and I hear, "You are very attractive". It didn't register right away, enough that I turned to look. There was that same lady in a wheelchair smiling at me. She repeated herself, "You are very attractive", still smiling. Well, I was a bit dumbfounded, I did mange to smile back and say thank you .. as she rolled away.

did it make me feel good, you betcha. Still, I wonder, does she have cataracts? I mean, something has to explain it. Maybe a stroke? Her speech pattern was indicative of a stroke and would give explanation to the wheelchair as well.

All in all, the afternoon/evening was much better than the day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 28, 2019, 07:10:14 AM
Someone said this to me the other day

"Self-perception is your issue, not your face."

Glad the day turned better for you. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 28, 2019, 07:24:46 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on March 28, 2019, 07:10:14 AM
Someone said this to me the other day

"Self-perception is your issue, not your face."

Glad the day turned better for you. 

I wonder who said that?  ::)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: randim on March 28, 2019, 07:40:38 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 28, 2019, 06:38:05 AM


I wasn't really looking around, peripheral vision showed shadows moving by, then one stopped and I hear, "You are very attractive". It didn't register right away, enough that I turned to look. There was that same lady in a wheelchair smiling at me. She repeated herself, "You are very attractive", still smiling. Well, I was a bit dumbfounded, I did mange to smile back and say thank you .. as she rolled away.

did it make me feel good, you betcha. Still, I wonder, does she have cataracts? I mean, something has to explain it. Maybe a stroke? Her speech pattern was indicative of a stroke and would give explanation to the wheelchair as well.


I think part of it is cis women are a lot less judgemental about what nature has endowed a woman with. Being socialized as male, it is pretty easy to hold a  standard of female beauty as young and hot and sexy.  Cis women look at it differently, I think.  They recognize their sisters come in all sizes and shapes and ages.  I do think they can be quite judgemental about the *choices* women make in how they present -- hairstyles, clothes, makeup, shoes, etc..  Sound like she thought you had put a look together that worked for you.   Kudos!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 28, 2019, 08:13:01 AM
Quote from: randim on March 28, 2019, 07:40:38 AM
I think part of it is cis women are a lot less judgemental about what nature has endowed a woman with. Being socialized as male, it is pretty easy to hold a  standard of female beauty as young and hot and sexy.  Cis women look at it differently, I think.  They recognize their sisters come in all sizes and shapes and ages.  I do think they can be quite judgemental about the *choices* women make in how they present -- hairstyles, clothes, makeup, shoes, etc..  Sound like she thought you had put a look together that worked for you.   Kudos!

I think it's the purple hair  :icon_woowoo:  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on March 28, 2019, 08:32:58 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 28, 2019, 08:13:01 AM
I think it's the purple hair  :icon_woowoo:  ;D

Woowoo indeed! [emoji6]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 28, 2019, 03:29:26 PM
More good piling up.

A client at work met me as I 'hung out' in the break room. More, "I love your hair' followed by hair talk for a bit and more 'I love it' when she found out that the white/silver was natural. As she left the room she said something along the lines of 'stay beautiful'.
(that was an abbreviated version of what happened)

After work, I stopped at the flower shop to get Lori some .. surprise .. flowers :D The woman in there greeted me and .. my voice completely changed on it's own. I didn't recognize myself in my own ears. That and all my mannerisms, hand movements. I could tell by how she talked to me, I was just another woman in her eyes (and ears). The only thing that might have cued her in was just before I left. We were talking about the card to write and she asked if it was for a friend. I was like, Oh no, they're for my wife.

I bought a spring flower arrangement, because Lori really likes them, and a dozen red roses - because I couldn't make up my mind so I got both.

Oh, why? I don't need a reason it just happens that today is her birthday.

I wrote her a happy birthday note and signed it: Faith -n- John ... because I am me, I encompass both and the flowers were from all of me. OH, and we both teared up.


in all good a bit of distress must come. I shared this with Sarah so full disclosure: this is a copy/paste :D


Oh, I had a panic moment this morning.

I was in the restroom, single-use unisex, doing my business and I hear the outer door open. I also had the stall door open. I must have closed the door a split second after pushing the button making it unlock.

It was a guy.

He stammered an apology and backed out after I made my panic noises of "I'm in here".

Nothing seen as the stall doesn't face the door. The mirror is placed just right so we could see each other's heads.

I managed to lock it after he left
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 29, 2019, 06:48:45 AM
I'm probably going to regret this. Maybe I should bury it somewhere else .... why? because face and body image dysphoria is killing me. I look down at myself and I like what I see. I look in a mirror or photo .. nope. I can lie to myself when I look down.

This is today's outfit:

(https://i.imgur.com/2DYyaC6.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/kaQ2jSt.jpg)
Title: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on March 29, 2019, 11:34:39 AM

Love it Faith! Looks awesome!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 29, 2019, 11:45:57 AM
Quote from: sarah1972 on March 29, 2019, 11:34:39 AM
Love it Faith! Looks awesome!

brat. don't make me come up there and slap you!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on March 29, 2019, 11:53:03 AM


Quote from: TonyaW on March 22, 2019, 10:07:04 AM
You get your court date yet?

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Quote from: Faith on March 29, 2019, 09:44:03 AM
I do now. Apr 16th !!!!!!!

Gonna put this here where people will see it.



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Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on March 29, 2019, 12:48:17 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 29, 2019, 11:45:57 AM
Quote from: sarah1972 on March 29, 2019, 11:34:39 AM
Love it Faith! Looks awesome!

brat. don't make me come up there and slap you!!

Let's meet in the middle!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 29, 2019, 12:59:16 PM
Quote from: sarah1972 on March 29, 2019, 12:48:17 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 29, 2019, 11:45:57 AM
Quote from: sarah1972 on March 29, 2019, 11:34:39 AM
Love it Faith! Looks awesome!
brat. don't make me come up there and slap you!!

Let's meet in the middle!


Middle of .. California?  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on March 29, 2019, 01:12:24 PM
Faith, I love that top!  Very groovy, and it goes well with your hair!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 29, 2019, 01:20:06 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 29, 2019, 01:12:24 PM
Faith, I love that top!  Very groovy, and it goes well with your hair!

Full disclosure

I had removed that post earlier. Someone, who shall remain unnamed, commented on it anyways. Leading me asking to have it restored  .. yeah, my head's a mess.


Oh, thx Tonya. Yes, my name change hearing is finally scheduled..... YAY!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on March 29, 2019, 03:09:37 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 29, 2019, 01:20:06 PM
Full disclosure

I had removed that post earlier. Someone, who shall remain unnamed, commented on it anyways. Leading me asking to have it restored  .. yeah, my head's a mess.


All these brats hanging out in your thread....  ;D  ;D  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 29, 2019, 03:38:56 PM
I know you say purple Faith, but I say lavender. I can't get over how beautiful your hair looks girl. Lavender!! Sorry for the redundancy.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on March 29, 2019, 04:54:50 PM
Quote from: Donica on March 29, 2019, 03:38:56 PM
I know you say purple Faith, but I say lavender. I can't get over how beautiful your hair looks girl. Lavender!! Sorry for the redundancy.

PURPLE!!!

>:(

Thanks for the compliment though even though you're color blind ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on March 29, 2019, 04:58:50 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 29, 2019, 04:54:50 PM
PURPLE!!!

>:(

Thanks for the compliment though even though you're color blind ;D

Yes I thought that might be the case :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 01, 2019, 05:54:10 AM
Quote(https://i.imgur.com/mN5ISkk.jpg)

no comment
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on April 01, 2019, 06:14:17 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 01, 2019, 05:54:10 AM
no comment
What a great picture Faith!!! Looking fabulous!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 01, 2019, 06:40:13 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 01, 2019, 05:54:10 AM
no comment

Comment: Beautiful!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on April 01, 2019, 06:40:39 AM
What a great picture!  You look gorgeous, Faith!  And you have great fashion sense.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on April 01, 2019, 08:02:56 AM
Very nice.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on April 01, 2019, 09:39:37 PM
Faith, that looks really nice.  Long skirts can give us the appearance of legs that go on forever.  This is a Good Thing. 😉
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on April 01, 2019, 10:16:38 PM
 "No comment" huh? Well lady I like it. You look good in that!  Accept it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on April 02, 2019, 12:40:16 AM
Despite you not feeling so great about the photo I think you look great and agree with everyone else you look great and the only person I can see is HER!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 02, 2019, 08:26:41 AM
Thank you ladies. I don't need to tell you, maybe I do and I will, how hard it is to leave my photos up. My mind keeps going to my hosting service to remove them.



I almost didn't log in today, I am feeling very isolated, alone, and anti-social. I have one thing that is really getting me down, and I cannot share it. I do have a couple things to share that are good and positive.

First, from Sunday. We took a lunch to my younger daughter. We took her daughter with us (almost 3). We were in the break room when nature called. While I was away my daughter asked. "Where'd she go?".  Lori answered, "Right here" referring to our granddaughter. My daughter says, "No, I mean Dad, where'd she go?". To our knowledge that is the first time my younger daughter has used feminine pronouns for me.

Second, I came in to work today only to find something waiting for me on my desk. The hunt begins to find out who put it there.
(https://i.imgur.com/Uwwfp9a.jpg?1)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 02, 2019, 01:36:34 PM
  It's kind of amazing how a day can turn around. Even with the 'cushion' this morning started rough. Interacting with the other gals, trying to find out how gave it to me, started the swing back up in the right direction. Texting with Lori, she agreed to meet me for lunch.
  While I waited for Lori to get here I met up with another gal friend/co-worker. We only see each other once every 3-4 weeks, our work schedules and areas differ to greatly. We used to work in the same department and would see each other daily - that was as him though.
  What I enjoy talking about her is that she never says I am gorgeous or pretty or "rockin' it" .. oh wait, she did say that :D .. What she does and says means so much more. It's along the lines of "eyebrows raise, surprised expression" and a comment along the lines of: OMG You look great. I can't believe how much your face has changed, it's so feminine now. All I see is Faith anymore. If I should mention (and I usually do) my trouble with face and body, she simply dismisses it with a hand gesture. Not meaning that my feeling are unimportant more that she doesn't see it or agree.
  She'll describe some of her 'masculine' features that she fights to hide (she's cis, not trans) every morning with a make-up routine .. no, I don't see it, she does though. I can relate :P

I've glossed over a lot, long story, my mood is much better now.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on April 02, 2019, 04:52:49 PM
Hi Faith

Meryl is often heard complaining about things she is unhappy about with her face or body and these are things I don't actually think are a problem. She has said to me in the past about things I complain about telling me I am too hard on myself. Sometimes it's easy to be hyper critical of ourselves, picking on things others just don't see.

I am glad your friend was able to put this in perspective for you...even if you look at your worse case scenario that you have some features that are masculine looking it does mean you are a guy....because you are not! It's easy to dismiss compliments from your friend here as hug-boxing when in actuality they are just being truthful.

hope you are feeling fabulous

Liz


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Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 02, 2019, 04:55:18 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 01, 2019, 05:54:10 AM
no comment

You know I have to say it. Because it's true. Comment: Gorgeous!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 02, 2019, 05:06:55 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 02, 2019, 08:26:41 AM
Thank you ladies. I don't need to tell you, maybe I do and I will, how hard it is to leave my photos up. My mind keeps going to my hosting service to remove them.



I almost didn't log in today, I am feeling very isolated, alone, and anti-social. I have one thing that is really getting me down, and I cannot share it. I do have a couple things to share that are good and positive.

First, from Sunday. We took a lunch to my younger daughter. We took her daughter with us (almost 3). We were in the break room when nature called. While I was away my daughter asked. "Where'd she go?".  Lori answered, "Right here" referring to our granddaughter. My daughter says, "No, I mean Dad, where'd she go?". To our knowledge that is the first time my younger daughter has used feminine pronouns for me.

Second, I came in to work today only to find something waiting for me on my desk. The hunt begins to find out who put it there.
(https://i.imgur.com/Uwwfp9a.jpg?1)

<<<SQUEEEE>>>. How sweet Faith! I'm thinking either Lori or your gal friend/co-worker put the pillow on your desk? I'm sure it wasn't the butler in the ballroom with the candlestick  ;). A wonderful gesture. They love you Faith. And so do we cause your such a loveable person.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 02, 2019, 07:31:31 PM
Quote from: LizK on April 02, 2019, 04:52:49 PM
Hi Faith

Meryl is often heard complaining about things she is unhappy about with her face or body and these are things I don't actually think are a problem. She has said to me in the past about things I complain about telling me I am too hard on myself. Sometimes it's easy to be hyper critical of ourselves, picking on things others just don't see.

I am glad your friend was able to put this in perspective for you...even if you look at your worse case scenario that you have some features that are masculine looking it does mean you are a guy....because you are not! It's easy to dismiss compliments from your friend here as hug-boxing when in actuality they are just being truthful.

hope you are feeling fabulous

Liz

HIYA LIZ!!!!!!

Fabulous? As in upbeat? yes :) Does it help to know that cis gals have some of the same issues .. no, I'd rather no one felt them :(   If you mean fabulous as in pretty/gorgeous ... no, never. However, today was a no makeup day .. none, nada, no mascara, no BB cream, no powder, no blush, nothing. She made many comments about how smooth and healthy looking that my skin was .. as compared to before? No I think just in general. So her 'very feminine' comments were all bare-faced. Purple hair doesn't count, which she loved btw. Oh, Donica, yes, it has faded to lavender already. Still very obvious.

Quote from: Donica on April 02, 2019, 04:55:18 PM
You know I have to say it. Because it's true. Comment: Gorgeous!
>:(

Quote from: Donica on April 02, 2019, 05:06:55 PM
<<<SQUEEEE>>>. How sweet Faith! I'm thinking either Lori or your gal friend/co-worker put the pillow on your desk? I'm sure it wasn't the butler in the ballroom with the candlestick  ;). A wonderful gesture. They love you Faith. And so do we cause your such a loveable person.


Nope, as it turns out it was no one on my list. It was the HR lady, whom I thought was rather unaccepting even though it's her job to be impartial (she's not, and quite the gossip!). Ye sit was a very nice gesture.

Now, time to shower. Lori made me work when I got home ... ick .. dusty, itchy.

Hugs everyone
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on April 02, 2019, 07:35:40 PM
Fabulous as in feeling....happy, positive, upbeat, enjoying the moment

synonyms:   

tremendous, stupendous, prodigious, phenomenal; extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional; astounding, amazing, astonishing, fantastic, breathtaking, overwhelming, staggering, unthinkable, inconceivable, unimaginable, incredible, unbelievable, unheard of, unthought of, unspeakable, unutterable, untold, ineffable, implausible, improbable, unlikely, impossible, undreamed of, beyond one's wildest dreams, beyond the realm of reason; informalmind-boggling, mind-blowing, amazeballs


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Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 02, 2019, 07:42:24 PM
Quote from: LizK on April 02, 2019, 07:35:40 PM
Fabulous as in feeling....happy, positive, upbeat, enjoying the moment

synonyms:   

tremendous, stupendous, prodigious, phenomenal; extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional; astounding, amazing, astonishing, fantastic, breathtaking, overwhelming, staggering, unthinkable, inconceivable, unimaginable, incredible, unbelievable, unheard of, unthought of, unspeakable, unutterable, untold, ineffable, implausible, improbable, unlikely, impossible, undreamed of, beyond one's wildest dreams, beyond the realm of reason; informalmind-boggling, mind-blowing, amazeballs

OHHHH, fantabulous

yep :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 02, 2019, 07:50:59 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 02, 2019, 07:31:31 PM
HIYA LIZ!!!!!!

Fabulous? As in upbeat? yes :) Does it help to know that cis gals have some of the same issues .. no, I'd rather no one felt them :(   If you mean fabulous as in pretty/gorgeous ... no, never. However, today was a no makeup day .. none, nada, no mascara, no BB cream, no powder, no blush, nothing. She made many comments about how smooth and healthy looking that my skin was .. as compared to before? No I think just in general. So her 'very feminine' comments were all bare-faced. Purple hair doesn't count, which she loved btw. Oh, Donica, yes, it has faded to lavender already. Still very obvious.
  >:(


Nope, as it turns out it was no one on my list. It was the HR lady, whom I thought was rather unaccepting even though it's her job to be impartial (she's not, and quite the gossip!). Ye sit was a very nice gesture.

Now, time to shower. Lori made me work when I got home ... ick .. dusty, itchy.

Hugs everyone
Faith
Wow!!! Who would have thought that! You have good people that do care about you. Kudos!

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 04, 2019, 07:02:43 AM
Still struggling overall. Last night was emotionally bad. I tried very hard not to show it, Lori knew. My attention would wander into space, my smile would fade, and tears would burn the back of my eyelids just waiting for release - I wouldn't let them out. Throughout the day I had to pay careful attention to my breathing as it tended to become short and fast - for me, an indication of anxiety.

While I was fighting this mood, feeling, whatever, I met up with Lori after a Dr visit for a quick dinner. Of course, the first thing said to me included sir. That didn't sit well, I did mange to say "I'm not a sir" and she (waitress) shifted pronouns without missing a beat .. too late, damage done.

I managed to put on make-up this morning, first time in 3 days, 4 days? Pink top and black skirt. I wore jeans the past couple days. I told myself, 'feel better, share a photo'. Well I took the photo(s). They're still in my phone at least, I didn't delete them. Only one of them in focus anyways, I think I was shaking a bit. I'd make some sort of derogatory comment but I'd just get yelled at.

yeah, that's it. I think I'm done typing for a while
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 06, 2019, 09:52:07 AM
I'm still not in a good place, I have a reason. A few close to me have reached out and they know, I will not share it here.

It has my gut knotted up, humiliation, shame, fear, frustration, anger. I've reached out for legal recourse via email, I've not heard back. I will follow-up with a phone call first thing next week.

I am staying quiet otherwise concerning it, My name-change hearing is Apr 16. I have my Dr letter. I will get to Social Security and DMV as soon as is feasible to make name and gender marker changes. Then I will be more comfortable being more vocal even though such steps are unnecessary to proceed.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on April 06, 2019, 11:56:30 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 06, 2019, 09:52:07 AM
I'm still not in a good place, I have a reason. A few close to me have reached out and they know, I will not share it here.

It has my gut knotted up, humiliation, shame, fear, frustration, anger. I've reached out for legal recourse via email, I've not heard back. I will follow-up with a phone call first thing next week.

I am staying quiet otherwise concerning it, My name-change hearing is Apr 16. I have my Dr letter. I will get to Social Security and DMV as soon as is feasible to make name and gender marker changes. Then I will be more comfortable being more vocal even though such steps are unnecessary to proceed.
Talking about frustration with the system!  i called yesterday, to check what is going on, because hey told me I don't need a hearing.  I was told that the judgement is signed.  I asked If I could come and pick it up, and was told that this does not work!  it will be mailed to me and I would get it the next week or the week after!  This stupid courthouse is 20 miles away from me and it could take 2 weeks to get the judgement??????

I need the thing to change my drivers license/ID.  I have a the required letter of my therapist, and those bureaucrats hold me hostage!
I am concerned, because my ID does not even remotely the way I look!  What is if I am controlled, the cops cannot identify me, and on top of it I have a none US accent?  Will I be booked and thrown in a male holding pen for 48 hours?  I bet some of the guys in there would be pretty happy about that!
For the first time in all those years I live in the US, I am concerned about my possible well being!
I need to use the car for any place I want to go, we do not have public transportation around here!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on April 06, 2019, 12:28:47 PM
Faith, I am sorry you are not feeling good. I understand your anxiety about coming out. I is very difficult and occupies a lot of our time.

You can not control what another person thinks or does. You can only control how you think and your feelings about who you are. Being trans and coming out and expressing is a huge step. You will get through it. Some will stand by your side and others will distance themselves.

I had several people betray my trust. I thought they were friends that could keep a secret. I was wrong. Others had told me that once I disclose ( and ask it be a secret) it will become common knowledge. They are right. I was hurt by the betrayal but then reframed the thoughts. They helped me to rip the bandaids off. People were going to find out.

The feeling of embarrassment. I reframed that too, 1/2 the world are female. There are a lot of female stereotypes and it is bull poop. There are trans stereotypes they are bull poop too. Just like there are male stereotypes.

I am very happy living my life female. There are differences and similarities with the past. Overall all for the better.  It takes years to assimilate and be yourself.

Remember to breath and tell yourself you can do this.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 08, 2019, 10:08:37 AM
Congratulations Faith! Definitely keep up with the name and gender change process, especially after visiting the SSA. They tend to drop the ball a lot.

Hugs! 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 08, 2019, 04:37:48 PM
Since it appears that things have settled appropriately, and I'm feeling better now, I'll fill you all in.

Last week I received this email at work:
QuoteFaith,
It has been brought to our attention that you have been utilizing the ladies' restroom.

We have provided two unisex restrooms on the first floor that are available for you to use.
Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.

To say it bothered me is an understatement. I made a quick reply that evening, then stewed about it all weekend.
QuoteThank you for letting me know that people at -insert my company here- are not as understanding and supportive as I had been led to believe. One of the medications that I take for health does not always make a trip downstairs feasible. I shall try to contain my natural functions until such a time that it won't offend anyone. Hopefully I make it without embarrassing myself when the need arises.

While legally unnecessary, I placed a copy of my Dr letter stating "Gender Identity - Female" on the desk of HR (I have a master key). I also reached out to two firms that specialize in labor law/transgender/discrimination issues.

Today I received another email from work:

QuoteFaith

Thank you for your email, and for providing the doctor's note regarding your change of gender designation. Please know that we are trying to be understanding and supportive not only to you, but to all xxxxxdd employees, and we certainly did not intend to make you feel otherwise. This is a learning experience for us, and while we may not be perfect, I can assure you we are doing our best.

Please feel free to use the ladies' restrooms or the unisex restrooms, whichever is more comfortable for you. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out to me.

Regards

To say that lightened my mood is more of an understatement. Now, I'm not stupid. I know that they sent the emails and my letter to their lawyer who probably told them "discrimination lawsuit" ... so they caved. I don't care really. Sometimes people need their world shook up.

Interesting point. The HR lady signed her name on the first emails. Subsequent emails did not. One of my first assumptions was that she was the person that took issue with my use of the ladies room. I believe that she got her hand slapped.

I typed out a long reply, there's no need to post it. It was mostly about preferring the private rooms anyways (I do) and that I'm available to answers questions to help alleviate concerns.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on April 08, 2019, 06:22:56 PM
Faith, I am glad it worked out for you.

When I came out HR paid me a visit and one part of the conversation they said I can use the woman's bathroom or unisex bathrooms but if I use the men's room I would receive disciplinary action. I never thought about that, but why would I want to use the men's room. HR had no clue what to say or do, they admitted that to me. They expected a lot of work place issues. There were none.

Rachel
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on April 08, 2019, 08:59:58 PM
Hello Faith,

this is just fantastic news. Reading your difficulties over the weekend made me really worried and I am happy for you regarding this outcome.

There is still hope in the world!

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on April 09, 2019, 07:33:27 AM
That's much better.  Hope you pointed out to them that anyone that had issues with you using the ladies is also able to use the unisex.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 09, 2019, 09:01:51 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on April 09, 2019, 07:33:27 AM
That's much better.  Hope you pointed out to them that anyone that had issues with you using the ladies is also able to use the unisex.

No, I should have. I did think it and then left it out of my reply. I left the communication door open for more.
for example:
QuoteI am also always open to questions about being transgender. There is a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation out there. I have no problem with one on one education.
Short answer is, treat the transgender person the same as their identity because that is who they are. For me that's as a woman.

There is still lots of ground to cover. I don't like the idea of legal action against the company for the actions of a couple employees. They got corrected, hopefully that's enough. I will let a lawyer guide me on it, if they ever return my call. The fact that one of the people in question was the HR lady bothers me, then again, everyone knows what she's like. I don't know how she still has a job here. I guarantee you that she sent out the first letter without approval and got into big trouble for it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 09, 2019, 09:05:19 AM
Quote from: Rachel on April 08, 2019, 06:22:56 PM
Faith, I am glad it worked out for you.

When I came out HR paid me a visit and one part of the conversation they said I can use the woman's bathroom or unisex bathrooms but if I use the men's room I would receive disciplinary action. I never thought about that, but why would I want to use the men's room. HR had no clue what to say or do, they admitted that to me. They expected a lot of work place issues. There were none.

Rachel

ick! no men's room for me. urinals are unsightly, unsanitary and should be illegal. Then to walk past one 'in use' to get to the stall?  No Thank You !!!!!!!

Quote from: sarah1972 on April 08, 2019, 08:59:58 PM
Hello Faith,

this is just fantastic news. Reading your difficulties over the weekend made me really worried and I am happy for you regarding this outcome.

There is still hope in the world!

Hugs,

Sarah

Sarah!! counting down quickly :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on April 09, 2019, 12:23:09 PM


Quote from: Faith on April 09, 2019, 09:01:51 AM
No, I should have. I did think it and then left it out of my reply. I left the communication door open for more.
for example:
There is still lots of ground to cover. I don't like the idea of legal action against the company for the actions of a couple employees. They got corrected, hopefully that's enough. I will let a lawyer guide me on it, if they ever return my call. The fact that one of the people in question was the HR lady bothers me, then again, everyone knows what she's like. I don't know how she still has a job here. I guarantee you that she sent out the first letter without approval and got into big trouble for it.

Sounds as if she sent the first email using her position in HR to make it look official.  It looks like things are set straight and  right, no reason to pursue any legal action at this time. Glad to hear it has worked out.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 09, 2019, 04:57:20 PM
In this day and age .... I shake my head ....

I spoke directly with the big boss, privately. I also spoke to HR afterwards. I've concluded that the whole thing played out because of ignorance and misunderstanding, not any form of maliciousness or discrimination. I reiterated my offer to educate and answer questions. I doubt it'll be taken advantage of. Better to stay ignorant in their minds I suppose.

To be fair, the 'BB' was very open when speaking, I answered in kind. Communication was there and a desire not to offend. Which makes the quiet refusal for more information rather confusing. He did give me an offhand compliment when I said I was trying very hard to present as the woman that I am. He said, "You're doing a good job of it" O.O

When he talked about trying to understand and work through things because it's 'all new' to them. I wanted to ask him, "Do you honestly think that I am the only transgender employee here"? I did not, I did not want to risk exposure of the quiet segment.

I'm over that part of things now.

What continues to bother me are the complaints. These are people I work with, spoken with, know what I'm going through yet still see me as 'a guy in a dress' and didn't want to share the restroom with me. My 'true' gal friends were just as disbelieving. Rather direct in their descriptions  .. I'll leave that as 'stupid'. I was told to ignore the complainers and to use the restroom on their (friends) side of the building (same floor) :D

To not be seen as who I am hurts.



oh ok, here, have a very early this morning photo. It's very rough :P

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/uX0Jagcm.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on April 09, 2019, 06:28:05 PM
Faith, I feel you handled the situation great, and came out of it smelling like a rose. Even more, you made a teaching moment out of it!
You are a nice and confident woman!  Congratulations!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 10, 2019, 09:42:24 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 09, 2019, 04:57:20 PM
In this day and age .... I shake my head ....

I spoke directly with the big boss, privately. I also spoke to HR afterwards. I've concluded that the whole thing played out because of ignorance and misunderstanding, not any form of maliciousness or discrimination. I reiterated my offer to educate and answer questions. I doubt it'll be taken advantage of. Better to stay ignorant in their minds I suppose.

To be fair, the 'BB' was very open when speaking, I answered in kind. Communication was there and a desire not to offend. Which makes the quiet refusal for more information rather confusing. He did give me an offhand compliment when I said I was trying very hard to present as the woman that I am. He said, "You're doing a good job of it" O.O

When he talked about trying to understand and work through things because it's 'all new' to them. I wanted to ask him, "Do you honestly think that I am the only transgender employee here"? I did not, I did not want to risk exposure of the quiet segment.

I'm over that part of things now.

What continues to bother me are the complaints. These are people I work with, spoken with, know what I'm going through yet still see me as 'a guy in a dress' and didn't want to share the restroom with me. My 'true' gal friends were just as disbelieving. Rather direct in their descriptions  .. I'll leave that as 'stupid'. I was told to ignore the complainers and to use the restroom on their (friends) side of the building (same floor) :D

To not be seen as who I am hurts.



oh ok, here, have a very early this morning photo. It's very rough :P


It is sad that people have to be so offended that they don't want to share a restroom. You are correct in that this is ignorance, even stupidity and quite frankly, arrogance. We are openly honest. You would be surprised to know how many skeletons they are hiding in their closets.

You are a beautiful person Faith. They are not. Keep being you girl!

Hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 10, 2019, 11:31:31 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 09, 2019, 04:57:20 PMoh ok, here, have a very early this morning photo. It's very rough pretty :D

There. Fixed it for ya.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on April 10, 2019, 12:02:28 PM
I am sorry that you have to deal with such ignorance, Faith, and I am glad you have some friends at work to support you.

I agree with Steph: your photo is very pretty.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on April 10, 2019, 12:25:00 PM
I'm happy that the twists and turns you've endured at work has become more of a straight path.  There are pitfalls in everyone's life, we just seem to experience more of them.

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 10, 2019, 01:22:59 PM
Thanks all, even you Steph  >:(  ;D

I plan to talk to a lawyer about what occurred. There is still a willful ignorance at play which amounts to 'pretend that transgender doesn't exist here in the workplace'. A company refusal to educate other employees on proper etiquette. No plans at all to promote any policies whatsoever. My 'win' really only relates to me unless they put out a company policy regarding transgender in general. They are in for a shocker if they ever realize that I'm not the only one.

Dealing with complaints incorrectly and then 'fixing' it when they are put on the spot is not they way to do business.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on April 10, 2019, 06:01:06 PM
Sounds like there's no official policy.  You've offered to answer questions but maybe if you offer to help make an official policy?  Sounds like they have enough employees to need one. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 11, 2019, 04:52:13 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 10, 2019, 01:22:59 PM
Thanks all, even you Steph  >:(  ;D

I plan to talk to a lawyer about what occurred. There is still a willful ignorance at play which amounts to 'pretend that transgender doesn't exist here in the workplace'. A company refusal to educate other employees on proper etiquette. No plans at all to promote any policies whatsoever. My 'win' really only relates to me unless they put out a company policy regarding transgender in general. They are in for a shocker if they ever realize that I'm not the only one.

Dealing with complaints incorrectly and then 'fixing' it when they are put on the spot is not they way to do business.

I think one thing is for sure? If they were to fire you, you would them by the.... euuwww! I just can't say it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 12, 2019, 10:06:49 AM
stress
tears
discomfort
curling up
the list goes on.
I won't say why, yet if I did you all would know and understand. And yet, my mood is good. I am such a confliction  ....


On the plus side, I'm in spiffy blue today .. gads I'm so old .............
Quote(https://i.imgur.com/6wzxSkf.jpg)
ick, and my hair looks terrible in the photo. That's the problem with silvery-white .. it get lost in the backgrounds.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Michelle_P on April 12, 2019, 10:15:34 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 12, 2019, 10:06:49 AM
stress
tears
discomfort
curling up
the list goes on.
I won't say why, yet if I did you all would know and understand. And yet, my mood is good. I am such a confliction  ....

Oh, believe me, I understand!  So many days like that.  Ugh.

Quote
On the plus side, I'm in spiffy blue today .. gads I'm so old .............ick, and my hair looks terrible in the photo. That's the problem with silvery-white .. it get lost in the backgrounds.

That is a really pretty dress.  I have my funky freckled skin, and I don't know if I could ever pull off that lace over solids.  But, it looks good on you, and that's what counts!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 12, 2019, 12:28:52 PM
I like the lace over solids. There's nothing wrong with freckles Michelle. In fact, many people find them very attractive.

You look great in that dress Faith. I have a few sheer tops that I just love. I bought some cute lace tank tops to wear underneath the sheer tops. I think it's a great look.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 13, 2019, 07:17:05 AM
commiseration .. it helps sometimes yet then, in our case, you realize that it means the other person is feeling the same way. :(


Lots of work around the house to do today .. manual labor .. BLAH!! We were supposed to hire someone to do it. Well, that flopped. Either 'we don't do that' or 'I'll get to that quote soon' So, we're doing it ourselves.

Have a bonus photo from last night. Sorry, I was kind of tired. My granddaughter likes it though.
Quote(https://i.imgur.com/RengdHr.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on April 14, 2019, 04:20:30 AM
I have just caught up on the goings on in your life...I understand why you did not want to go over it all again when you were in touch with me. I am always amazed at the selfish lengths people will go too and the total lack of their ability to show compassion for another human being. To complain about the trivialities of using a bathroom really says more about them than you. I also was surprised to read of the response by your company and their unwillingness to educate the rest of their employees...I do hope they "see the light" and get their act together.

Quote from: Faith on April 12, 2019, 10:06:49 AM
stress
tears
discomfort
curling up
the list goes on.
I won't say why, yet if I did you all would know and understand. And yet, my mood is good. I am such a confliction  ....


On the plus side, I'm in spiffy blue today .. gads I'm so old .............ick, and my hair looks terrible in the photo. That's the problem with silvery-white .. it get lost in the backgrounds.

I can relate to all of that....and I hope you are feeling a bit better soon....love the dress...you do look great.

Thanks for the lovely note of support you sent me.

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 15, 2019, 09:18:51 AM
Quote from: LizK on April 14, 2019, 04:20:30 AM
I have just caught up on the goings on in your life...I understand why you did not want to go over it all again when you were in touch with me. I am always amazed at the selfish lengths people will go too and the total lack of their ability to show compassion for another human being. To complain about the trivialities of using a bathroom really says more about them than you. I also was surprised to read of the response by your company and their unwillingness to educate the rest of their employees...I do hope they "see the light" and get their act together.

I can relate to all of that....and I hope you are feeling a bit better soon....love the dress...you do look great.

Thanks for the lovely note of support you sent me.

Liz

HeyYa Liz, you're welcome. pets are part of the family. I do draw the line at being Dad (yeah, from past years), or Mom. Creeps me out for some reason. Lori feels the same way so it's not just me.

Work, eh. I dolled up extra special last week to make a stronger point. Will anyone learn? I doubt it. Ingrained emotional responses - they defy logic and respect.

I wish I could follow your thread, among others, more closely. Once the thread hits a certain point of GCS (see note **) .. anyways, once  the topic hits a certain point I trigger and thus begins my avoidance :(



**
I can't use GAS for Gender Affirmation, it's just  .. ick .. HAH!!
SRS, eh, maybe. the 'sex' portion is being corrected as it refers to the physical.
GRS, nope. Gender isn't being reassigned, the body is being fixed.


Tomorrow is name day. I hope it goes smoothly. I want to get Social Security in at least on the same day. Be cool if I can get to DMV, I'm expecting to have to wait until Wed for that. I have both of my letters now, medical Dr and therapist. I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

No Monday photo, can't look today. Can't even peek :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on April 15, 2019, 02:35:22 PM


Quote from: Faith on April 15, 2019, 09:18:51 AM

Tomorrow is name day. I hope it goes smoothly. I want to get Social Security in at least on the same day. Be cool if I can get to DMV, I'm expecting to have to wait until Wed for that. I have both of my letters now, medical Dr and therapist. I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

No Monday photo, can't look today. Can't even peek :(

Hey yeah cool.

No reason for things not to go well in court.  Lines will be your issue at Social Security.  When I got mine done both the guy at SSA and the lady at the DMV made sure to show me that the gender had been updated.  If they don't show you, ask to see it before you finish. 

Good luck with the lines.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Moonflower on April 15, 2019, 05:11:38 PM
I've been gone from here for a while. I just caught up on all your stories. Busy lady! So many mountains to climb, and you are nailing them all!

Best wishes for your Name Day. May all go smoothly.

Grace
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 15, 2019, 09:37:12 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on April 15, 2019, 05:11:38 PM
I've been gone from here for a while. I just caught up on all your stories. Busy lady! So many mountains to climb, and you are nailing them all!

Best wishes for your Name Day. May all go smoothly.

Grace

yes, busy :( and :) life can't make up it's mind. I don't think that I'm climbing any mountains, more like I'm tripping and falling uphill with a long way to go to the top. I fear that I'll get there and trip again to fall down the other side.

Name Day. Yes, anxiety building. I'll be totally stressed out by tomorrow just to have it be a rubber-stamp non-event :/  At least, I hope so. So, thanks for the best wishes, I need them.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on April 16, 2019, 08:11:59 AM
Wishing you a day of short lines and quick rubber stamps.



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Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 16, 2019, 08:38:27 AM
NAME DAY!!!

Go, girl! Expecting a Squeee Report later today!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 16, 2019, 11:29:22 AM
Let's see how tedious this is on a phone.

Nervous jitters and stress. We got to the courthouse 35 mins early, that dragged on. Finally our group gets called in. No private setting, there were two other petitioners there. An older lady went first, she dragged things out a bit by misunderstanding the questions. The. Magistrate was a bit sober faced through it.

Next he read out my deadname. I'm pretty sure the other gals gave a startled look when I stood up. Might have been just me. As I walked up the Magistrate switched to a big smile, much more personable. He asked his standard questions then got to the reason for name change. "My old name is no longer suitable. I have been known as Faith Nicole to work, friends, and family for the past year and a half". He was still smiling when he replied, 'i bet you like this one better". What could I say? I agreed ;D He smiled at me throughout the entirety of the proceedings..

While the name change is official, I have to wait for it to be mailed to me so no SS or DMV visit today. I guess Charlotte County is no more advanced than Lee County is. Once I get it .. then .. I can go to the Clerk, get certified copies and take care of the drudge work of paperwork changes.

Oh .. yes .. I cried again after we walked out. I think I made it a little further down the hallway this time than I did after I filed.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Anne Blake on April 16, 2019, 11:29:50 AM
Congratulations Faith Nicole! I will let you do the SQUEEEEing
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 16, 2019, 11:32:44 AM
Quote from: Anne Blake on April 16, 2019, 11:29:50 AM
Congratulations Faith Nicole! I will let you do the SQUEEEEing

Thanks Tia .. I was just about to ... I now have an official deadname !!!!  SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 16, 2019, 12:29:04 PM
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190416/db5d282621f8bd273137bb97e6bbc89f.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: KathyLauren on April 16, 2019, 12:43:24 PM
Woo-hoo, Faith!  You are now officially you, even if you have to wait a few days to prove it!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 16, 2019, 03:56:45 PM
up to 10 days just to get the letter!!  >:(  then I have to run around changing things. I can handle it, I will handle it, as me .. Faith Nicole .. WOOOO. :icon_dance: :icon_dance: :icon_dance:

just finished a crappy shopping run. Who designed Lowe's? jeez, what a mess. Now I'm trying to get my mood back up by concentrating on this mornings activities :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on April 16, 2019, 04:51:44 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 16, 2019, 11:32:44 AM
Thanks Tia .. I was just about to ... I now have an official deadname !!!!  SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
You are a darn lucky Lady (I don't even know your dead name, but don't care either)  Congratulations!

I am still waiting for my letter with the judgement to show up in the mail!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 16, 2019, 05:18:57 PM
Congratulations Faith Nicole! Truly a Happy Name Day SQUEEEEEE!!!.
In Cali we had to present our new SS card to the DMV before they would change our DL. So we had to wait an extra week or so. They were very strict about it too. It had to be brand new with no defects. Not even a folded corner ::)

BTW, my daughter's name is Nicole. I love that name. After all, I picked it for my baby girl ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on April 16, 2019, 05:51:38 PM
Hey lady, congratulations on being legal.


What's with not being able to give you a copy right away? Judge gave me the signed order and I took it downstairs and had my certified copies made.  That a Florida thing or your county? Sucks that you to have to wait. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on April 16, 2019, 06:48:45 PM
Congratulations, I am happy for you.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: LizK on April 16, 2019, 07:19:00 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 16, 2019, 11:29:22 AM
Let's see how tedious this is on a phone.

Nervous jitters and stress. We got to the courthouse 35 mins early, that dragged on. Finally our group gets called in. No private setting, there were two other petitioners there. An older lady went first, she dragged things out a bit by misunderstanding the questions. The. Magistrate was a bit sober faced through it.

Next he read out my deadname. I'm pretty sure the other gals gave a startled look when I stood up. Might have been just me. As I walked up the Magistrate switched to a big smile, much more personable. He asked his standard questions then got to the reason for name change. "My old name is no longer suitable. I have been known as Faith Nicole to work, friends, and family for the past year and a half". He was still smiling when he replied, 'i bet you like this one better". What could I say? I agreed ;D He smiled at me throughout the entirety of the proceedings..

While the name change is official, I have to wait for it to be mailed to me so no SS or DMV visit today. I guess Charlotte County is no more advanced than Lee County is. Once I get it .. then .. I can go to the Clerk, get certified copies and take care of the drudge work of paperwork changes.

Oh .. yes .. I cried again after we walked out. I think I made it a little further down the hallway this time than I did after I filed.
Brilliant I am so happy for you.., what a milestone wooohooo

Congratulations


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Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 17, 2019, 07:30:56 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on April 16, 2019, 05:51:38 PM
Hey lady, congratulations on being legal.


What's with not being able to give you a copy right away? Judge gave me the signed order and I took it downstairs and had my certified copies made.  That a Florida thing or your county? Sucks that you to have to wait. 

apparently, they keep the original in their file. So, it's gets sent interdepartmental to filing, filing makes on certified copy, then they mail it to me (the copy, not the original). After I receive it if I need more copies (I will) I have to go back to filing and request more copies made from the original .. which I pay for. Why I can't just go to filing in the first place and instead of waiting for the letter, I have no idea. Welcome to governmental logic.

Rachel, Liz .. thanks .. yes it was a good day. Even Lowe's couldn't ruin it :D


Quote from: Donica on April 16, 2019, 05:18:57 PM
Congratulations Faith Nicole! Truly a Happy Name Day SQUEEEEEE!!!.
In Cali we had to present our new SS card to the DMV before they would change our DL. So we had to wait an extra week or so. They were very strict about it too. It had to be brand new with no defects. Not even a folded corner ::)

BTW, my daughter's name is Nicole. I love that name. After all, I picked it for my baby girl ;D

Computers. While I will need to take proof, the physical card is not a requirement. I, supposedly, can use the 'temporary paper' the SS will give to me and they confirm it on the computer. If it's on the computer, why do I need the paper? *sigh*

yep, Nicole, Faith Nicole. I know I've said it before, that name was picked by my wife and her sister for my 2nd born daughter .. unbeknownst to me. I came up with her name, along with my wife. I guess there was a reason :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on April 17, 2019, 07:51:30 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 17, 2019, 07:30:56 AM
apparently, they keep the original in their file. So, it's gets sent interdepartmental to filing, filing makes on certified copy, then they mail it to me (the copy, not the original). After I receive it if I need more copies (I will) I have to go back to filing and request more copies made from the original .. which I pay for. Why I can't just go to filing in the first place and instead of waiting for the letter, I have no idea. Welcome to governmental logic.

Rachel, Liz .. thanks .. yes it was a good day. Even Lowe's couldn't ruin it :D


Computers. While I will need to take proof, the physical card is not a requirement. I, supposedly, can use the 'temporary paper' the SS will give to me and they confirm it on the computer. If it's on the computer, why do I need the paper? *sigh*



It seems to be a Florida thing!  I am still waiting for my letter, they seem to be in no hurry!  I just hope that IO will not run into any trouble having an ID that for sure does not depict the person having it in her waled!  I started to carry my copy of my name change application with me, to be able to show that I am doing something about this.

The entire process is very frustrating!  The were very eager to take my money during minute one of it!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 17, 2019, 08:03:39 AM
Welcome to Monday's photo taken on a Wednesday.

Quote(https://i.imgur.com/5Xsw6Uj.jpg)

Oh, and for Steph. I did get one photo while were were waiting outside the courtroom
Quote(https://i.imgur.com/8EVxrSk.jpg)
granddaughter's pigtails :D

I like the 2nd photo much better.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 17, 2019, 08:24:09 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 17, 2019, 08:03:39 AM
Welcome to Monday's photo taken on a Wednesday.

Oh, and for Steph. I did get one photo while were were waiting outside the courtroomgranddaughter's pigtails :D

I like the 2nd photo much better.

Well, they're both cuties!


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on April 17, 2019, 08:33:06 AM
Quote from: Faith on April 17, 2019, 08:03:39 AM
Welcome to Monday's photo taken on a Wednesday.

Oh, and for Steph. I did get one photo while were were waiting outside the courtroomgranddaughter's pigtails :D

I like the 2nd photo much better.
What's going in that picture there?  I see an actual smile. Must be the legal thing.

Pretty sure my judge signed two copies, one that they keep and one they gave to me.  Guess Florida is trying to save the judge from writers cramp or the cost on pens.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Stevi on April 17, 2019, 08:37:08 AM
Faith Necole

Congrats!  A GOOD DAY!

This time last year I started my name change process.  No theatrics.  All I did was walk into the Clerk of Court office, and sit down with him to go over all the forms I had collected.  After filling out the NCR form for the Name Change order everything I needed to do was done other than pick up the third part of the form after 10 business days.  The visit with the clerk went well since he was very supportive so there was little opportunity or cause for drama.  In some way it was anti-climatic.

My wife and I are planning some assorted activities for my first rebirthday this coming April 30th.

Stevi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 17, 2019, 08:38:11 AM
Quote from: TonyaW on April 16, 2019, 05:51:38 PMWhat's with not being able to give you a copy right away? Judge gave me the signed order and I took it downstairs and had my certified copies made.  That a Florida thing or your county? Sucks that you to have to wait. 

My memory is getting a little hazy now, as I had mine changed over a year ago. I'm in a different Florida county, but my court hearing was presided over by a magistrate, and the final order had to be counter-signed by a judge, which took a few days. Then I picked up my copies (from a very nice lady, as everyone was in my dealings), went to the SS office, and after a short wait, got that done. They were extremely nice there, too. A few days later I took my SS receipt to the DMV and got my driver's license. I distinctly remember the lady saying, "You can smile if you want to." Oh yes, I wanted to! She brought it up on her screen, and said, "Oh, I think you're going to like this!" She printed the card and gave it to me, and I broke into tears. Yes, I like it a lot...


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 17, 2019, 08:44:56 AM
Quote from: Stevi on April 17, 2019, 08:37:08 AM
Faith Necole

Congrats!  A GOOD DAY!

This time last year I started my name change process.  No theatrics.  All I did was walk into the Clerk of Court office, and sit down with him to go over all the forms I had collected.  After filling out the NCR form for the Name Change order everything I needed to do was done other than pick up the third part of the form after 10 business days.  The visit with the clerk went well since he was very supportive so there was little opportunity or cause for drama.  In some way it was anti-climatic.

That's just a little surprising, considering where you live. But as with everything, so much is dependent on the individual person you deal with. Sounds like you got some good ones.

People are so unpredictable, or maybe I just don't understand how to read them. I remember being amazed when an old business partner called to tell me that after he heard the news, he respected me more than he ever did before. He is one of the most hard-core rednecks from southern Alabama you'd ever meet.


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 17, 2019, 08:48:48 AM
Quote from: steph2.0 on April 17, 2019, 08:38:11 AM
My memory is getting a little hazy now, as I had mine changed over a year ago. I'm in a different Florida county, but my court hearing was presided over by a magistrate, and the final order had to be counter-signed by a judge, which took a few days. Then I picked up my copies (from a very nice lady, as everyone was in my dealings), went to the SS office, and after a short wait, got that done. They were extremely nice there, too. A few days later I took my SS receipt to the DMV and got my driver's license. I distinctly remember the lady saying, "You can smile if you want to." Oh yes, I wanted to! She brought it up on her screen, and said, "Oh, I think you're going to like this!" She printed the card and gave it to me, and I broke into tears. Yes, I like it a lot...


Stephanie


yeah, that pretty much sums it up. So many signatures just to tell me who I am. It's legally changed, yet I can't use it or do anything about it until the judge signs as well. If you can't trust the Magistrate, why do you have one? sheesh!!

Anyways, I did get my efile notice so it's out of the Magistrates office.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 17, 2019, 03:36:52 PM
The name change process may be much easier in Cali nowadays but it still takes the same amount of time to get everything done. No more hearings and letters from your doctor. Oh, except for the DMV you still need a letter.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Linde on April 17, 2019, 05:07:36 PM
My name and drivers license is changed, my dead name and gender is gone!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on April 17, 2019, 11:53:44 PM
Quote from: steph2.0 on April 17, 2019, 08:38:11 AM
My memory is getting a little hazy now, as I had mine changed over a year ago. I'm in a different Florida county, but my court hearing was presided over by a magistrate, and the final order had to be counter-signed by a judge, which took a few days. Then I picked up my copies (from a very nice lady, as everyone was in my dealings), went to the SS office, and after a short wait, got that done. They were extremely nice there, too. A few days later I took my SS receipt to the DMV and got my driver's license. I distinctly remember the lady saying, "You can smile if you want to." Oh yes, I wanted to! She brought it up on her screen, and said, "Oh, I think you're going to like this!" She printed the card and gave it to me, and I broke into tears. Yes, I like it a lot...


Stephanie
So there's the thing, they stick an extra layer on you with the magistrate.

At my hearing there were three people in the courtroom; me,  the judge, and the clerk that typed everything up and printed it out for the signature.

Doesn't make sense to me to have a magistrate approve it if that needs approval.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on April 18, 2019, 01:44:48 AM
  Congratulations Faith!! I am very happy for you that your chosen names are officially changed.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 18, 2019, 09:53:41 PM
Had a great day visiting two wonderful ladies, Sarah(1972) and Jayne(01). Lori and I had to make a trip to Virginia which coincidentally coincided with Sarah's surgery date. We arrived in the morning after her surgery. While you could tell she was tired and hurting, she still managed to be cordial, friendly, and welcoming.

Jayne was quite surprised. While Sarah knew I was coming, we did not tell Jayne. Very nice big smile greeted me when she saw me. I guess I look enough like my photos to be recognized.

We spent the day there chatting about everything and nothing. I wasn't ready to leave yet we still had to get to Virginia.

So, about 7 pm we head out on our way. Roughly 2 hours of driving ahead of us. Well, we only made it an hour and the car broke down . I did get it moving, however, it cannot be trusted. I believe a recently replaced wheel bearing failed.

Here we are sitting in the parking lot of an emergency medical facility awaiting a rescue.

You know what? No anger, no frustration, no tears. It is what it is and I'm ok. Old me him would have had smoke coming out of his ears.

I had.great day, car trouble is not going to ruin it.

Oh, pics? I don't have any. Ask Sarah or Jayne.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Laurie on April 18, 2019, 10:05:09 PM
 I was surprised but pleased to see the picture of the three of you. I was pleased to hear that "he" did not make an appearance with your car troubles and that "he" let her take care of the issue. Good job girl. Say hi to Lori for me.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 19, 2019, 04:31:57 PM
Wow Faith! I'm glad the wheel bearing didn't fail on the road. I was great seeing the three of you together. I'm completely surprises that they let Sarah get out of bed so early. I hope the rest of your trip to Virginia goes well with no more issues.

Hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 21, 2019, 05:43:52 PM
We got the car trailered to the shop today. They won't be open until Tuesday. That normally wouldn't be a problem except I'm hoping to make another visit to Sarah, and Jayne of course. I can't do that without a car. :(

I had a bout of what I call 'triggered depression' .. little things added up until one final straw that started the spiral. I couldn't get out of it and at the same time caused embarrassment for me and those around me. Plus the fact that they felt bad and hurt for me yet didn't know what to do.  I managed to talk to them about it a bit today. With luck, they'll see the spiral start and try to intercede should it happen again .. I hope not.

Today was better. Lots of running. I got a few introductions where the response to me was .. I'll be nice .. abbreviated. Lori and I went through one checkout line and the cashier asked if we were sisters. :)

Not much to add to that, just day to day details of visiting family.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Rachel on April 21, 2019, 06:48:06 PM
Hi Faith, I am sorry about the depression. I know how hard that is to battle.

There were three points in my transition that once it was over my depression went form life threatening to managable as each of the three major life issues were addressed.

I do know I learned a few tools that helped me greatly. An SSRI at my deepest abyss, exercise, community, sleep and my greatest tool. The greatest tool was from a therapist that at one time headed one of the groups I went to. We were friends. He started to transition and later left the group to later return for a visit. I asked how his transition was going, his child and wife. We chatted. He asked how I was doing. I said I was being divorced and having FFS and GCS. I was scared and very depressed. He knew my past. He said you have been through much worse.

That one statement, you have been through much worse rang true. I would say it to myself over and over when a challenge would present itself.  I think I could feel the power of the issue deflate in the presence of the statement.

I still have depression but it is much less and manageable.

I wish you never have depression again.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 24, 2019, 06:33:46 AM
a small update as we continue our mini-vacation leading up to a wedding.

first on the list .. an apology to my online friends. Most of the threads that I avidly followed I cannot now. I skim quickly until I trigger then I quickly close the page. So much seems to trigger me these days. On the positive side of things that means that your life and times have reached a good place or milestone ... CONGRATULATIONS! I wish I could share it with you.

The wedding day is fast approaching. We've been helping with home prep (wedding/reception by the pool) which is why we came up early. They are off work starting tomorrow so can pitch in more.

She has two dresses lined up for me to try .. my first wedding in a dress!  woooo :)  We are also supposed to try to get my nails done .. much manual labor, they broke short on a couple fingers requiring nail extensions to look nice. I wanted to re-color my hair, doesn't look like I'll have time for that with all that's going on. Probably won't get my nails done either.

so, that's about it

oh, Lori's (and bride's) Mom will be here. I don't want to be a spectacle at someones wedding, it's their day. Lori's Mom is .. mmm .. 'less then enthused' about my life change. It's insisted that not only am I to wear a dress, I am to stand with them as part of the wedding party. Well, I did give her away (bride) at her previous wedding many years ago (as him). She asked if I'd do it again. I don't know that this ceremony is conducive for much fanfare, we'll see how it plays out.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 29, 2019, 11:53:43 AM
5 days? feels longer .....

the wedding happened. due to weather and a few other unplanned twists, there wasn't much 'ceremony'. So, while I did wear a nice dress, there were no attendants except the young flower girl/ring bearer. I wore a 'just below the knee' polka-dot dress and a light shawl (weather!).  I don't have any photos, someone might. I tried some full length selfies ... I deleted them all. You'll have to use your imagination, I'll look better that way anyways.

3 brothers in attendance (including the groom). Overall in this trip, name and gender has been correct. There were some slip-ups. I finally got them to stop apologizing every time, it's exhausting. 1st brother (groom) slipped up in a store check-out once. I slapped his arm .. I got a 'what's that for?' eh, at least I vented :)

2nd brother has been accepting as well. as I walked up to him to chat he said, "You clean up pretty well". High praise from my family :P I mentioned finally getting my judge-signed name change judgment. he said, "great. I guess I have to call you Faith now, I was waiting". Said in jest of course. I don't think he's ever said anything in a serious manner.

3rd brother is the one I haven't seen in ~15 years and who refused to meet a few months back. He came up and chatted a bit about nothing. 1st brother told me that he'd brought up about talking to 'John' then changed it to Faith saying he'd probably never get used to it. He likely won't since we may never see each other again. Still, he did correct himself.

I overhead Lori's Mom referring to me as 'she' .. that's a huge step. Most likely seeing me dolled up helped.

Oh, car is still broke down so we are still in Virginia. We managed about 20 miles into our trip home and it died. We got rescued at 2am .. blah!! .. we trailered it to a shop later that morning (Sunday), one that was recommended to us. put the keys in the drop box. I called Monday morning ... closed permanently :O !! They agreed to look at it anyways and I'm waiting to hear back.

Not much else .. I am getting fat. We've been eating out too much. No scale in the house, that's a good thing! I'll bet that I'm close to 174 now, my target weight is 165 ... grrrrr .....

Family outline
Father - deceased when I was 4
Dad - deceased - pre Faith
Mom - deceased - pre Faith

siblings, oldest first

sister - deceased, pre-Faith
brother - deceased, pre-Faith
brother - alive, 'as long as I'm happy' accepting. Will likely never call me Faith since he doesn't truly accept.
me
sister - alive, accepting
sister - alive, accepting
brother - alive, eh (he's 3rd brother from above)
brother - alive, accepting (2nd brother from above)
brother - alive, most accepting (1st brother from above)
sister/daughter - alive, very accepting (the bride). I say sister/daughter because she lived with us during her teen formative years. 12 - 18 .. the 'trial daughter'. Oh boy did she learn too much from me!!

Well, that sums up a lot of nothing. You probably didn't need to know all of that, you got it anyways. Now I'm sitting here alone waiting for the phone to ring. If the car gets fixed, we need to decide whether to trust it or leave it here and rent a car. probably the latter.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: TonyaW on April 29, 2019, 12:18:47 PM
Hey Faith,

Great to see you back here.
Sounds as if things are going well, other than your car trouble. Hope you get that taken care of.

Safe travels home then


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: sarah1972 on April 29, 2019, 12:27:10 PM
Thanks for your update Faith! Glad most of your family is accepting.

Hope your car trouble finally gets resolved, this has been going on for a while now.

So glad you got to attend the wedding in a cute dress, hopefully one day you will be able to look at them.

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Donica on April 29, 2019, 02:57:13 PM
Oh my Faith! You have a large family. My X has a large family too. Between hers and my family, I have 20+ nieces and nephews, 4 grand nieces and nephews. No grand kids as yet. Christmas is alive with squeaks, squeals and screams with the pitter patter of little feet running throughout the house.

Both of my two brothers are excepting but only because we are family. It's not their thing. The parents on both sides have long since passed. My mother passed pre Donica but somehow she knew anyway. My father passed never excepting Donica.

It's hard for most siblings to learn they've always had a sister and not a brother.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 29, 2019, 03:56:08 PM
Quote from: Donica on April 29, 2019, 02:57:13 PM... It's hard for most siblings to learn they've always had a sister and not a brother.

Oh, I forgot that moment. We were out getting the trailer to load the car on and my brother (1st) said, "And this is my sister, Faith"  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: steph2.0 on April 29, 2019, 03:57:50 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 29, 2019, 03:56:08 PM
Oh, I forgot that moment. We were out getting the trailer to load the car on and my brother (1st) said, "And this is my sister, Faith"  ;D ;D ;D

Now THAT is squeeeworthy!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 29, 2019, 05:20:02 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 29, 2019, 03:56:08 PM
Oh, I forgot that moment. We were out getting the trailer to load the car on and my brother (1st) said, "And this is my sister, Faith" ;D ;D ;D

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Wow Whee........ what a great feeling you must have had when you heard that!!!!
Make a note of these very affirming moments and remember them when you have times that are not so affirming!!!

Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and best wishes [emoji172]
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on April 29, 2019, 05:31:32 PM
Quote from: Faith on April 29, 2019, 03:56:08 PM
Oh, I forgot that moment. We were out getting the trailer to load the car on and my brother (1st) said, "And this is my sister, Faith"  ;D ;D ;D

This I'm sure lifted your spirits to the sky!
It shows love and respect 🌸🌸🌸
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 29, 2019, 05:33:03 PM
but it's so haaarrrd. One bad moment can out-weigh so many good ones. good moments last seconds, minutes. Bad ones last for weeks  :( even now I can feel the weight of the bad moments in the back of my head ready to spring to the forefront.

still, it was a very good moment that I felt head-to-toe :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 29, 2019, 05:34:13 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
On your thread you are just a few post comments away from ending this first thread of yours, at 2000 Posts, 100 pages and soon you can start your new "Faith's thread"  with whatever subject title you wish.

You have lots of followers and interested readers that want to go along with you in your continued journey.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

*** NOTE:I will make a note to  @Jessica  to help you change over to your new thread if you wish to do so.  I hope that you do, I want to keep following your life story.[emoji172]
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Faith on April 29, 2019, 05:46:31 PM
to borrow a term .. oof .. how could I possibly have more to say in a new thread that isn't in the old one already

I can try though :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 29, 2019, 05:49:57 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:

As I stated, you have lots of followers and interested readers that are eager to read about your continuing life endeavors... and we want to keep rooting for your success, we are your biggest fans.

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress
Post by: Jessica on April 29, 2019, 06:46:49 PM
To read more adventures of our girl Faith visit her new thread.
Faith's Progress 2.0 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,246136.msg2248020.html#msg2248020)!