Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Site News and Information => Birthdays => Topic started by: SarahElizabeth1981 on February 25, 2016, 11:11:27 PM

Title: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on February 25, 2016, 11:11:27 PM
 :icon_birthday: Happy birthday to me happy birthday to me   

So far I found that some people are just really curious and find it interesting. Not sure about the percentage though. Some people stare or make strange faces but whatever. I think it is more that it's something that you don't see everyday. I'm sure someone famous has made this statement, come to think of it, I think Rodney Dangerfield did. Anyways, "I just gotta be me!" and how liberating it is to do so. The only time I really feel down now is when I have to step out of being feminine. Not everyone I know knows. I'm working on it one person at a time though. I gotta run will write more tomorrow.

How is amber??

Anyone else feel free to jump in. Hellooo Susans place  :icon_wave:

Sarah
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on February 26, 2016, 02:27:58 AM
That's where I'm at too.... But since my wife is going to mourn my beautiful beard... I think once it goes I will feel more comfortable goi g out more dressed...


HAPPY-BIRTHDAY!!!!

And I didn't know how prevalent it was either.... I think though, that some of the "wrong sex" stuff stems from not being accepted to do what you want. I believe that if society has condition ed us all to conform a bit too much(lol).if all job for my
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on February 26, 2016, 10:19:11 AM
Happy Birthday Sarah!!! [emoji2]

I hope it is a wonderful day.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on February 26, 2016, 12:23:00 PM
Have you figured out when the beard is going?  We can arrange a funeral for it.  Buried in a shoe box in the back yard like a hamster [emoji81]
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on February 26, 2016, 02:11:14 PM
I don't think it is exactly going to die per se, I'm not going for HRT so on some occasions, like winter maybe it will be reborn lol.... I feel more fluid than anything else at this point..... So.times I feel fem, sometimes manly.....
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on February 26, 2016, 06:08:12 PM
Thank you for the birthday wishes.  :icon_yikes:

I've never liked my facial hair and shaving is such a pain in the $*&  I started getting electrolysis in December. Soo happy   ;D to be getting rid of it. Luckily I'm naturally not very hairy so I don';t think it will take too long. It's finally reached the point where every time there is noticeably less hair.  :eusa_clap:

I'm going to a social event of cross dressors and trans people tonight. I'm super excited. It's just in the last month that I've really started getting out to meet similar people. It's super awesome. It's funny I never thought of it but as soon as i hit puberty I got a lot more reclusive. started going out and hanging out with friends a lot less and such. until recently I never thought of why that might be. it makes a lot more sense to me now.

I gotta get dressed and make myself pretty.  ;) this will only be the second time I've gone out in public fully done up as a women.. Amber and Tasha, what are you pronouns? he she him her etc.

take care,
             Sarah
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on February 26, 2016, 06:11:22 PM
Tasha I know some people that are more gender fluid which sounds like you might be... please correct me if I'm wrong. anyway they seem to prefer their he she based references. let us know so i can better refer to you.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on February 26, 2016, 06:13:44 PM
I don't particularly care which pronouns are use for me.  I'm still a guy outwardly and both inwardly.  Eventually I may have to get used to female pronouns.  For now use whatever you feel most comfortable with when referring to me.

I hope you have a wonderful evening.  I look forward to the day when I start branching out in the real world as Amber.

I unfortunately have significant hair.  I'm considering getting laser for my beard because there is a deal on Groupon.  That should at least take care of a good bit of the darker hairs responsible for the beard shadow.  Electrolysis is out of my price range atm.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on February 26, 2016, 08:00:23 PM
Pronouns are something I am still thinking about, so since I'm Tasha on here, she her should be fine... And I am jealous!!! I wanna go to an event!!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on February 28, 2016, 04:05:43 PM
Hi girls,  :icon_wave:
Thank you for the info. I intend to fully transition so I'm at that end of the spectrum. Which means I consider myself a women. I've always thought I wasn't like other guys but never really thought about what that meant. After I bought my first skirt I wanted the next thing. I bought a top and then breast forms and so on. It all felt so natural and has made me soo happy  ;D I can't believe it took me this long but now atleast I figured it out.

Yeah you can find some great deals on Groupon. I bought one for laser off groupon as well. Being not very hairy i didn't notice a huge reduction though. keep in mind that even with "best case" results laser will only give you hair reduction. I found a school that does electrolysis and it is dirt cheap even compared to their laser. Given I'm not very hairy and half my hair is blonde electrolysis is best for me. I did also buy a Tria. which is a home laser device. it has a small head so it's not the best for large areas. I got most of my body waxed so I've been using it on the areas with lots of hair. So far it seems to have reduced it, actually barely any of it has come back, but it'll take more time to be sure.

Aww tasha don't be jealous  :icon_ballbounce: I'm super comfy being femine in public and getting more so with every passing day. At this stage I'm also in a different position then you. being that I want to be a women all the time. If you decide to get out there you will. Friday was just a meet and greet sort of event so that was really nice. Last night was the main event Dinner and a show. a drag show that is. so there were drag kings and queens.  it was great so much fun. have you looked for any kind of social clubs or support groups in your area?

the one that held the events the last couple of nights was one that originally was social group for cross dressers. it has grown to include trans people too. they welcome anyone though. Just some ideas of course do what you're comfortable with.

Sarah

Sarah
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on February 28, 2016, 05:57:50 PM
I'm glad to hear that you know where you fit Sarah.  The idea of getting electrolysis through a school is brilliant.  I am blonde but my beard is red with a lot of dark hard mixed in.  I'm hoping laser will zap the darker ones so that I can cover it better.  The local club that hosted drag show in this area closed a few years ago.  My wife used to go there to watch the shows back before we got together because she had a number of friends who went there.  I'm sure we will figure out something to do eventually.  Im asking my dr tomorrow about finasteride to mitigate the slowly migrating hairline.  It's a good precursor step on my journey towards HRT.  Luckily, the receding is minor and not terribly noticeable with my long hair.  I love hearing about all the exciting things you are getting to do.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on February 28, 2016, 06:49:52 PM
I have looked for events or meetings, but they all seem too far away.... I know I'll find one, it's just hard to be patient. I would problem feel more comfortable going out if I wasn't still holding onto the facial hair for my wife... She is just not ready to see it go yet.... But I will get to do stuff soon. I was hoping for a safe place to go out more gender fluid.... But that makes me feel like I'll draw extra attention if not in the right setting...
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on February 28, 2016, 10:47:18 PM
Yeah, I hear ya on finding a safe place to go. I guess I'm kind of lucky or maybe really lucky. there are a fair amount of resources for me to tap into where I live. I also met a local trans advocate on Friday. One of the things she said is Edmonton (where I live) is one of the safest cities in the world for trans people. I haven't really had any bad experiences so far but going out fully dressed as a woman is still pretty new. I was in a store on the weekend and this little kid about 5 or 6 was staring at me and his jaw dropped and I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. LOL I didn't think I looked that obvious. Maybe it's cause I'm tall, 6 feet, and with my boots on more like 6'2" In any case it was great to get out. I'm learning how to put make up now and I got some wigs so I can really do myself up. I'm growing my hair out but it's still pretty short. I should have shoulder length hair by the end of the year. Maybe a little sooner my hair seems to grow like weeds. take care
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on February 29, 2016, 12:31:25 AM
Lol.... Ya, I am 6' as well and I have been venturing out in jeans with high heels once in a while, and I like my heels HIGH. So I end up 6'5" to 6'7".... Worst thing that's happened so far bugged my wife, not me.... A 16 year old girl would not stop staring. We were sitting down eating and she just couldn't stop looking. Like I said though, that didn't bother me at all.

Since I am more gender-fluid I still have my  beard, but I am looking for a wig and once I find get one I'll end up shaving and trying my luck passing for real. I do feel like a woman sometimes, but also have manly days as well. So I am probably going to be switching between and using an alternate identity so I don't have issues with people I know. The cool thing is, my wife asked if she can call me her wife when I am fem, which I love, but I will always be dad to my kids because that's who I am. I really can't wait to feel cute and pretty in public though. As a man I just don't feel good looking.... I want to be dressed up!!! Lol.... But I do k kw I'll get to soon enough. I think we were hoping for you to join our "general talk about personal journeys" thread.... Amberwaves and confusedlauren would like to hear from you over there....


Love talking to you!!! You really are an awesome person!!!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on March 01, 2016, 10:30:26 PM
Awww thanks I think you're pretty awesome too Love talking with you both...
   So I went for a couple of hours of electrolysis today so I'm down another couple hundred hairs. as a bonus when I got there the instructor saw me and said I have a Proposition for you.... Basically they are going to give me 4 hours of free electrolysis if I come in a couple of evenings so the girls in an evening class can get some experience working on the face. I was like "sign me up."

the school is in a mall so I went wondering around the mall afterwards looking for some cute shoes. Found a couple pairs. One of which is a pair of high heels, which, up till now I haven't really considered. But I gotta say I do like the heels even though I think I'm tall enough without them. I saw another pair of REALLY cute heels but they didn't have any in my size. the very nice young woman that was helping me is bringing in a pair from another store so i can try them on though.  ;D I was on a mission to find some cute red shoes that would be good for everyday use. I LOVE red!!! but to no avail. Apparently red isn't the "in" color right now.

I also just got a pair of hip enhancers. I LOVE them!!! i love having the curves. I love skirts and dresses so that will probably be what I wear most of the time.

Anyway, Tasha can you post me the link for the thread you're referring too?
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on March 02, 2016, 04:05:09 PM
Yes, finding red shoes is a chore!!! I have been searching for cute red heels forever, finally got a pair and they are a half size too small :(... Oh well, I can wear them for a little while at a time.

The electrolysis deal you got is cool!! I think I want to get a home light pulse technology for my arms and legs.... But I want my facial hair to be able to come back.


Here is the link, but it hasn't been posted to for a bit... I have been working 15 hr shifts and a few other girls kinda changed it a little, but I'm sure they will be back...https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,4.0.html....
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on March 02, 2016, 04:26:06 PM
oh the heels I got are red which is a big part of why i got them. When I tried them on I really liked them. I can't quite explain the feeling I got. but I liked it. Now just gotta break them in. they are a little tight on my toes.. damn fat feet. haha

thanks for the link I will check it out
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on March 02, 2016, 04:34:56 PM
I haven't branched into heels just yet.  I'm not sure im brave enough yet to wear red.  I just scheduled my first laser visit for Monday.  I am amazed they had an opening that soon.  Just bought the Groupon yesterday and called them today.  I don't know about the home laser thing.  I just bought a fancy new epilator and use that for all the body hair, but that is not really appropriate for my beard so trying the laser out for that.

I can't wait for another 5 weeks until I can put cute earrings in.  Funny thing is my wife has been eyeing earrings for me that she can't wear.  She has a metal allergy and can only wear 14 carat gold in her ears.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on March 02, 2016, 04:45:50 PM
Lol... My wife is always buying me things cause she isn't willing to wear it or literally can't....  It's awesome because we have very similar taste!! I am definitely going to get my other ear pierced soon, I can't wait to wear a pair of cute earrings instead of A cute earring lol....

Post us a pic of your new heels!!! I wanna see!!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on March 03, 2016, 10:51:55 PM
I'm not sure how to post a pic. ???  ???  arrrg so I'm up to 3 pairs of heels, 2 pairs of heeled boots and a pair of sandals. I love them all. it was soo much easier when I wouldn't even consider anything with a heel. It eliminated sooo many shoes. now that's gone I'm going to have to reign in my shoe shopping urges!!  ;D Along with all the other shopping urges. I told you all I was a women!!! hahaha

When I decided to be female I got both my ears pierced. and then decided that wasn't enough so I got two more in my right ear. Which actually brought me to 9 piercings. up to that point I wasn't really interested in getting my ears done. so my other piercings are, tongue, nipples and double navel.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on March 03, 2016, 11:03:44 PM
Wow you are the adventurous sort with that many piercings.  I just got mine pierced last week.  I tend to be rather conservative in style so I imagine that will probably it for piercings for me.  I haven't gone on a shoe binge yet.  I bought 2 pairs of flats and a pair of modest heels until I learn to walk in them better.  I find myself more drawn to clothes shopping.  I've been behaving myself because we are on a budget.  I did splurge a bit with the tax return buying a new epilator, the laser treatments (beginning on Monday), and a corset to rein in my waist.

I think you need to upload photos to another site, such as imgur, and link them in a post here.  I love hearing about your progress.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on March 04, 2016, 12:50:03 AM
So... You had none, and now have five? Lol... That happened to me too.... I'm pretty lucky to be able to shop on shoe dazzle,  justfab, and Charlotte Russe, and the first two had good sign up deals, and Charlotte Russe has awesome deals all the time... I went from two pair of work shoes to owning 11 pair of shoes in like 2 months. I love it!!

And I don't even know how to do profile pic.... I'm good on computers but haven't spent much any time in forums, and never joined one.

Shopping is so much more fun as a woman... Sooo many choices, so much cute >-bleeped-<!!!  I really have to use self control as well... I want so much and am on  a budget as well... I don't have nearly as many outfits as I should.... Although I have more fem clothes than men's clothes already. As far as heel height, I don't know if it's because of my profession and hobbies or what, but I jumped into 4" heels and wanted higher. I'm usually wearing 4.5 to 5 inch heels. I have had a hell of a time finding a pair of red heels that I really like AND fall into my budget.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on March 04, 2016, 01:06:12 AM
So, update.... Figured out the avatar. Guess I should get my wife to take a good pic of me, minus my face for now, so I can put a pic of myself out here...
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on March 04, 2016, 05:50:11 PM
hi
I just just like certain piercings. I wanted to get them for a while but kept myself from getting them because they are typically seen as feminine. when i finally decided to get them (not counting ears) it wasn't because they are usually done by women but just because I wanted to. I decided I wasn't going to let what others thought dictate what I would do. Reflecting back that's what got me on the path to where ii am now. it gave me the freedom to be what I resisted for so long.

Here my shoes
https://onedrive.live.com/redir?resid=FD2E69EEBBCB5A3D!107&authkey=!AGB0DMMcwRN3kAY&ithint=folder%2cjpg (https://onedrive.live.com/redir?resid=FD2E69EEBBCB5A3D!107&authkey=!AGB0DMMcwRN3kAY&ithint=folder%2cjpg)

I hear you both on the whole budget thing. I'm going to have to start budgeting myself. Otherwise it will be too easy to go overboard. it's funny all these years and I hated buying clothes. now I can't seem to help myself I just want to buy all these pretty clothes and cute shoes.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on March 05, 2016, 01:14:29 AM
Cute, and agreed. Shopping is WAY more fun now.... Sometime soon I'll get a pic of all mine and share it too..... When I told my mom a little bit about myself, I showed her my shoe collection and she laughed because I've got as many cute heels as she does, I kinda went crazy for a few weeks.... Lol....
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on March 06, 2016, 03:32:58 PM
LOL tasha shoes.... Sigh why do we love them so. Iused to be a UPS man and I delivered soo many shoes to women. It actually started to fascinate me how many shoes some women have. I had one customer and she said she lost track of how many she had around 100 and I had another that had 60 - 70 pairs. I still don't get it.

I''ve been really puzzled about why I like heels so much I dont think I need to be any taller. But I think I figured it out. I think it's simply because it makes me feel like a women.  It's the same as wearing breast forms, which I wear pretty much 24 hours a day now. It helps me feel like a women. I intrigued whether it will continue after I start hormones and really start to change. Time will tell I guess.

Speaking of hormones.. I booked my first session with a psychologist that specializes in gender dysphoria. I'm hoping to move the whole process along so I can start hrt. I've already been referred to a psychiatrist that specializes in gender dysphoria. But it will take a while to get in to see him. I also really only need to see him so I can get GCS - gender correction surgery.  Also so I can change the sex on my birth certificate to female.  My plan is to change my name at the same time. Then I can get a new birth certificate with my new name and sex in one shot.

I went out to eat with a friend last night and there were a few girls sitting at the booth next to us. When they went to leave one of them was staring at my boobs. When I looked at her she looked up at my face and then down to my boobs again. I said "yeah I got bigger boobs then you" and she turned away. My friend was embarrass ed and cover his face and I just laughed. Then he said you haven't been a women that long and you're already a bitch. After some discussion he said I'm getting the cattyness down pretty good. Haha My boobs are a c cup so its not like they're huge or anything
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on March 06, 2016, 04:34:10 PM
LMFAO!!! That's awesome!!! The shoe thing, is that one pair of heels does NOT compliment every outfit... You gotta have a selection.... But.... There are Soooo many cute effing shoes you can't stop buying them.... I have been trying to get he d to having breasts as well.... I have been trying out b cups, my wife thinks they are huge, but I think c will fit my frame better. Congratulations on the appointment!!! And ya... That was a pretty catty thing to say.... Lol.... Do you sound fem when you talk or do you have the manly bass in you voice? Just trying to picture the look on bet face..... Can't stop laughing about that one!!!

Going to town today all woman's clothes.... Painted nails, still have my beard.... This should be awkward.... Going to shop for wigs while we are out. After I get one the beard will be working it's way out of my life, for a while at least.... Still feeling more fluid than anything else at this point. Hopefully I don't have any issues in town, especially since my family is going to be with me. Damn I love my family!!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on March 06, 2016, 06:07:02 PM
Congratulations on moving the process along.  Therapy is helpful regardless.  I find my fasciation revolves more around clothes than shoes.  Perhaps that will come in time when I need to coordinate my outfits more.  I love how feminine heels make my posture, but I am not comfortable with wearing them out yet.  I think it's a case of me not wanted to feel too  awkward.

I hope everything goes well with getting to the point of HRT.  I will most likely go the informed consent route for it myself.  The timing is up in the air.  I have a few things to get accomplished first, such as quitting smoking (should be by the end of March) and weight loss (which will continue after the fact).

I love the attitude.  I wouldn't call it catty.  I see it more as putting her in her place for staring.  Absolutely hilarious to do it in front of your friends though.  How are you friends and associates dealing with this?  I have a friend who doesn't appear to be taking it well.  He is dodging me mostly.  The few times we've gotten together since I told him he has been visibly anxious and unsettled with my significantly more feminine clothing choices.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on March 07, 2016, 11:06:25 AM
Hi girls,
  A little cattyness never hurt anyone. I agree Amber I was just responding to her staring.

It is exciting to be moving forward. I find as long as I'm doing something I'm pretty happy. But as soon as I have to stop being femme for some reason... Like seeing someone that doesn't know I crash and feel so crappy. Im slowly telling people so I don't have to do that anymore. It'll be so freeing when I don't have to hide it anymore. Not that I do very often but still

The problem I found with the informed consent route is its hard to find s doctor that will do it. Besides I want GCS ASAP and you need referal letters to be eligible. Not to mention a year on hormones and RLT. So I figure this will help me with many aspects of getting things done.

I don't have much to do before starting on hormones but I do want to finish electrolysis. I don't find it terrible bad but apparently its more painful after hormones so better to be done with it I think. I think another month and most of it should be done. Not sure how long it will take to clean up any stray hairs that come along though. Besides that I'm going to bank some sperm so that I still have the option of biological children and I will be good to go.

My friends, that know, have been really great Amber. So that's good. Tasha  my voice is totally male in the 120mhz band. I should work on it more... I also have a referral for voice coaching. Universal healthcare is nice cause all these things are covered but sometimes you have to wait and that sucks. Take care
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on March 07, 2016, 04:41:39 PM
I could imagine the look on her face.... But I am happy for you not only for standing up for yourself but for taking positive steps to reach your goal!!! It sounds like you feel good about yourself moving forward and that it what is important!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on March 22, 2016, 10:48:55 PM
Hi girls,
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. My computer crapped out on me and I haven't really had a lot going on. But I did have my meeting with the psychologist last week. It was mostly just a get to know you broad strokes kind of meeting. But between that and attending trans support meetings I have a much better idea how things are going to go. So I should be able to start hormones in 4 months or so and barring any complications GCS in 2018. So exciting. Unless I come into or manage to save a pile of money then I may be able to move the surgery date up a bit. Or if they change the rules about where you go for surgery. Currently you can only get funding, where I live, if you go to brassard in Montreal.  The difficulties we must go through to transition.... *sigh*
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on March 23, 2016, 02:20:54 PM
Hi Sarah,

Sorry to hear about your computer.  I don't know how tech savvy you are.  I hope it's something you can repair cheaply.  I'm pretty much the go to tech support in my circle of friends.

Glad to hear that you got to see your therapist.  I've been curious about transgender groups in my area, but there is only one I know of.  Living in the middle of nowhere can be annoying for things like that.

Not every week can be groundbreaking progress.  I'm glad to hear that you are doing well and getting things on track.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on March 25, 2016, 10:40:42 AM
Hi girls,
So I passed a bit if a milestone this week. Pretty much all of my friends know now.  As well as a few more family members. Everyone has been supportive. I feel really blessed it seems like every one I talk to has someone that takes it badly.  I guess I just have really great friends and family.  :D I was also walking through  the mall the other day and I had a women , who I was checking out prior to this, compliment me on my jacket.  And then  a little later a women started to make small talk with me. As I said I feel truly blessed. Everything is going so well and I couldn't be happier.

I guess I'm also a little lucky living in a major city with a lot of trans support around. Hopefully you are able to find everything you want. If there is anything I can do just let me know.

Amber, I don't think I'm that tech savvy but I did build a media PC last year so I guess I'm more savvy then most. The motherboard in my laptop is toast. Part of me wants to buy a new one off ebay but I don't think it's really worth it. I have an old HP pavilion that I thought that the hard drive was done so I put a new one in it. But that wasn't the problem. Its looking like its got motherboard issues as well grrr stupid motherboards. i still haven't decided what to do but after weeks without a PC I really have to do something. That's about all I got. Take care
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on March 25, 2016, 11:02:34 AM
Reading through your thread you are a lucky one!
I hope that when I come out to family and friends I wont be rejected!
I'm not worrying about it now!, I'l deal with them when I get and have been on Hormones a while!
I meet the endo on the 11th of July!
It feels soooo far away
Your acceptance gives me hope!
Take care, Christine
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on March 25, 2016, 08:45:14 PM
That is wonderful that everyone is being so supportive.  You may be able to pick up a mobo for the HP off newegg and swap the components.  Only tricky part is the CPU and heatsink.  It's not hard, just be careful and make sure to clean the old thermal paste off with rubbing alcohol and apply new thermal compound.  I recommend Arctic silver.  Just be sure not to bend the pins on the processor and you should be gtg.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on March 29, 2016, 05:29:21 PM
Hi Christine,
welcome and thank you for reading through my thread.  I do feel lucky and fortunate that it has been good coming out to family and friends. Its great you have your appointment with the endo. I can't wait I will be so excited.  I wanted to finish coming out so I didn't have to stop being femme when I saw someone That didn't know. I'm done telling people so I really am full time now.

I got a pair of stripper boots today. They are very cute. I will upload a pic soon.

Amber, I'm not sure its worth saving the pavilion either its 8 years old now.  I will do something...
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on March 29, 2016, 11:28:30 PM
Thats not a bad idea either, doing it that way, coming out first!
I felt the added confidence I will have on HRT would help me deal with the coming out! Time will tell what happens anyway, it will be a bumpy ride.
Oh let me see let me see!
I love heels and boots now that I'v let myself be who I really am. Such a change from hating shopping.
Love, Christine
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 04, 2016, 01:20:50 PM
Hi Girls,
  Finally got a computer working... sort of.

Christine, I know exactly what you mean about hating shopping before. now, i can hardly control  myself. sooo many cute shoes, and skirts and dresses... and on and on. i need to win the lottery or find a sugar mama to take care of me hahaha.

  I'm done "coming out" to everyone i wanted to tell before hand. everyone else can get surprised. So, now i really am full time. so exciting. I find myself really hating my male voice now. It's actually REALLY bothering me. I have a referral for voice therapy but there is a waiting list. So, who know when I will get in for that. I'm also, I think, completely identifying as being a woman now. might be why i hate the voice now. I can put on a pair of jeans and I don't feel like I'm being a guy.

Tasha, amber and christine how are you all doing?
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 04, 2016, 03:22:18 PM
I'm good, great actually!! Glad to hear everything is going so well for you... and seriously, I went from two pair of skate shoes when I told my wife to 15-20 pairs of cute shoes.... and my closet is overflowing with cute clothes... I think it's an illness!!! I have been caught by a few people I know lately and besides the initial heart jump, I have felt fine about it.... check out the personal journeys thread for an update.... super excited about that one!!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 04, 2016, 03:24:48 PM
Hi Sarah,

Sorry I've been so quiet lately.  These last two weeks have been heck and I'm ready for a vacation.  I won't get one, but c'est le vie.  I went through a four day depression spell, finally started feeling like myself again Wednesday. Yesterday my father pulls a complete d--- move yesterday and made my pregnant wife cry.  It's not transition related so I won't go into excruciating detail here. Let's just say my family is a huge bunch of jerks who just have to get their way even if it stinks all over the feelings of others (family members included).  I have discovered that when I am mad or depressed Amber disappears and I become the same jerk I've been for 34 years.

In other news I called a local lgbt health center today and spoke with them about HRT.  It was odd to introduce myself as a mtf transwoman.  I don't mentally process things in those terms, so it was just a little weird.  I have them my preferred name of Amber.  The doctor is booked until July.  I set up an appointment for a week following my 35th birthday.  They prefer a letter from a therapist.  I spoke with their counselling department and set up an appointment with a gender therapist for next week.  Making baby steps forward.

I'm debating calling my brother-in-law tonight and coming out to him.  I am not out to any of my family except my wife.  He was a good friend from high school before he married my sister so I want to talk with him as a friend rather than as family.  I'm going to ask him not to tell my sister yet.  I'll figure that out later.  I severely doubt there will be much of any support from anyone in my family.  She might be the only supportive one, but I still only give it even odds.

I used to hate clothes shopping, except for suits.  Now I enjoy it.  Turns out my wife lives clothes shopping for feminine clothing for me.  She hates shopping herself, but apparently playing dress-me-up Barbie with her husband is enjoyable.

I am glad you found a workable solution for a computer.  I hope everything continues to go well with your life and transition.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 04, 2016, 03:28:14 PM
I'd love to talk to you girls more, but don't get off work for 5 more hours.... Amber, I'd totally be willing to let you vent if you need, whatever it's related to.... hope to talk to you all soon!!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 04, 2016, 03:38:07 PM
Quote from: Tasha_ on April 04, 2016, 03:28:14 PM
I'd love to talk to you girls more, but don't get off work for 5 more hours.... Amber, I'd totally be willing to let you vent if you need, whatever it's related to.... hope to talk to you all soon!!!
I might take you up on that offer later.  I have things to get accomplished yet today anyway.  In sorry I didn't post yet in the other thread.  I'm so happy you had a great experience out with your wife.  I feel bad for not congratulating you earlier on such a big step, but I have just wanted to crawl under a rock lately.  I've been meaning to.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 04, 2016, 03:49:36 PM
Understandable, we all have those times!!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 04, 2016, 11:23:01 PM
Hey Sarah! :) its great that you are properly out to all now, but I can highly understand the voice!
I hate my voice, but as I am not out I deal with it! But if I cant change it when I do I'm doomed :S
Though apparently it helps alot when your out and socializing with other females.
I haven't been up to much working at all week, trying sort out the importation of my car into this country, serious drag, and shopping the weekends :3
I'v become real addicted to the later!
And hows life now livinv properly? Any unforseen situations that you'v noticed?
Hugs, Christine.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 05, 2016, 06:00:43 PM
I think we all get a little addicted to shopping!!! I went into town dressed for the first time last weekend, and finally felt comfortable shopping... it was sooo hard to stop!!! But even when I am in man mode, I have my wife to give me a smokescreen while shopping, so usually only the dressing room attendants end up knowing... but I have quite literally expanded my wardrobe to 3 times what it was before, and now own 19 pairs of shoes as opposed to 2.... lol...
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 05, 2016, 07:12:49 PM
The voice thing can definitely be hard, I have been trying to "find my voice" for a few months now and barely feel confident enough to try it around my wife, who I really think has a hard time being too objective about it, but she says I sound passable. I still worry that I am going to have a "man fail" with my voice while I'm out still ... lol.... all you can really do is listen to every YouTube possible and try to train your vocal cords.... I hear it can take a long time to really get it....

Have a great day/night girls!!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 05, 2016, 11:30:14 PM
I'v been out once in public for my therapist, I had a few whistles and people starring from cars I headed down the street! I could not believe! Confidence +++++ :3
Me a my grilfriend do the same, shopping she goes round looking at everything, but its really just for me! :')
It is amasing the difference in shopping, I feel like I have a certain style! I never bothered before, though I always knew what I liked as a female!
And we have the same feet size too, so its so easy for me!
The voice is the killer when your out dressed!
We are all so obsessed with looking great, we forget ther is plenty women out ther that you would wonder about, as soon as they sound female you never second guess it!
We need to perfect it! >_<
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 06, 2016, 12:26:35 AM
I have always had to ask for my size and try shoes on... but Charlotte Russe is cool about it.... but I did the shopping thing dressed up once, and now I am dying to do it again!!!! Sooo much fun!!!!

My first time out dressed up (the same time, last week) my wife caught a man checking me out, and when I got to the car, I actually got hit on!! At the Olive Garden, I must have sounded just feminine enough to pass, because you should have seen the look on the waitresses face when I gave her my ID... lol.... but it was really empowering, and I really wa t to do it again...

Nice to meet you by the way... do you go by Christine or Rachel??

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 06, 2016, 05:57:33 AM
Oh I will have to try it a day when my confidence is sky high!
Oh my god I know, its so funny, they are such chancers men!
We will get alot more of it once we are full time I'd guess.
Men are always after women! We just never realised :')
Oh that would be great experience, I'd love to have someone come up to me and send them packing with the guy voice ha, but it could be dangerous :S but worth the lolz?
Nice to meet you too Tasha. Yes Christine is fine!
I just use the female version of my guy name and the second name is the name my mother would have called her daughter,.... Suprise ha, I don't tjink it will be so funny come the time I come out though :')
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 07, 2016, 02:25:29 AM
I really do imagine rejecting a man with my man voice.... but that would also make me uncomfortable... and you're gonna have to try shopping while dressed... I have an hour drive to the closest place that I can actually shop, so it kind of easy for me to not have to worry about being recognized before I am ready. Today makes about six times in public dressed, and three of those happened in the last two weeks.... starting to get a little more secure now....

What do you girls think about giving out "normal" email address if you are not out to everybody yet? I don't know if I should make an alternate for this, or just use my existing.... I am truly at an impasse as to what to do here....

Anyways, thanks for the input and support girls,
Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 07, 2016, 11:35:54 AM
Ha I know, but atleast like not dressed kind of keeps control over me! Once I'm out and dressed, I'l be taking the stores with me!
Its great your more relaxed now, but the email I wouldn't risk it if your not out, I made two anyway!
Its how I feel anyway, not until I'm out to my family first!
Hugs, Christine
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 08, 2016, 12:05:27 AM
Under control is something I am not, went out tonight shopping too.... 100 dollars later my wife is like "you used to give me so much >-bleeped-< for this!!!!" And I can only sulk.... thanks for the advise on email, I'll give it a couple more days.... I'm at least gonna add you on here for now...
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 08, 2016, 05:25:58 AM
Its funny, life as a female is so much more expensive! As A man I spent nothing on myself, I always felt buy man clothes as a waste of money! My mother would always conplain, I'd wear the same thing till it wher nothing but rags :')
Adding me on here? What does that mean?
But yea its the same as the "what do you drive" thread, I can't post mine cause of fear people would see and maybe clock me!
That sends the fear of god through me :S
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 08, 2016, 03:01:57 PM
It's just a buddy list, mostly so I don't forget to say hi if o don't hear from you for a while....
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 09, 2016, 12:23:26 AM
Aw yea I just realised, added you up ther too! That is handy :)
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 12, 2016, 09:53:58 AM
ChristineRachel I don't think I've said hi to you yet, despite the fact that we post in a lot of the same threads. 

I've always liked shopping, just not for clothes and shoes.  I typically hovered around the electronics and books sections of stores.  The grocery store is an especially bad place if I don't have a list.  I am an excellent cook and will buy half the store if left to my own devices.  Now I really love wandering the women's clothing section, especially with my wife.  I still am a bit uncomfortable doing it by myself.

I had my first visit with a gender therapist yesterday.  It went well.  I showed up dressed as Amber.  I did my nails Sunday night and they are so cute.  Previously I've been terrible at doing them so I am ecstatic that they turned out good. had to go out out in guy mode because I had to drop my kids off with my wife's grandparents first.  They will in no way be accepting so I hid my nails from them.  I changed clothes when I stopped for coffee on the way to my visit.  The only thing wrong is that I have a laser session today and they want me to have a few days growth so I had scruff all over my face.

I was nervous as crap when I showed up there.  Its a little weird to hear myself referred to as Amber.  I dont think of myself as Amber or my old name...i am just me in my head.  My wife just calls me hon and such.  Its nice, but im just not used to it.

My therapist is very nice.  It was incredibly awkward to discuss things because  I am such a private person and don't typically talk about these things.  We talked about what I wish to accomplish and I told her that I am pretty comfortable with my status and being rather pragmatic about coming out to people.  My wife is accepting and supportive.  Primarily, I am there because the doctor wants a letter to begin HRT.  I told her my goal is to transition to living as a woman.  I do not intend on getting SRS.  She told me that typically they want to see people for 3 months before they will write a letter.  I have already scheduled with the dr there for July.  I figure April, May, June = 3 months so I should be good to go.

On the drive home (about an hour long) I really had to pee.  I looked at myself in the mirror and figured there was no way I could use the men's room.  Unfortunately, with the stubble I wasn't quite comfortable with the ladies room.  Eventually I did build up the nerve to sneak into and out of the ladies room like a ninja.  My wife was laughing at me when I told her that story.  On the whole, I am making progress forward and plotting how/when to come out to more of my friends.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 13, 2016, 09:15:48 PM
Hi Girls,
    You have been busy posting while I've been away from here.  :D I have to catch up.

Quote from: ChristineRachel on April 04, 2016, 11:23:01 PM
And hows life now living properly? Any unforseen situations that you'v noticed?
Hugs, Christine.

Actually everything is going really good. I've yet to have to deal with any really rude or bigoted people. I get some odd looks or stares but I just find that funny.

I hear you about life being more expensive as a women. the make up, the skin care, the clothes, the shoes.... it just never ends. but the shopping is soo much fun. I spent over an hour trying on shoes the other day. soo many shoes.... soo little money!  I need to find me a pretty dentist. I hear they make lots of money. Then she can support me in the manner to which I wish to become accustomed. hahaha

I went to a shoe store near the place I go for electrolysis, been in there lots, looking for some flats. I found some and also saw some cute black heals but they didn't quite fit. there is another store (same chain) in the mall that had 'em in a size bigger. if they have to send you to another store they give you a little slip for a few bucks off so i wondered down to the other store. left there with two more pairs of shoes. You can see all my shoes here https://onedrive.live.com/redir?resid=FD2E69EEBBCB5A3D!107&authkey=!AGB0DMMcwRN3kAY&ithint=folder%2cjpg//
My stripper boots are sooo shiny it's hard to take a good picture of them. but they are there too.

Congratulations on seeing the therapist Amber. I saw mine today. I told her I was getting this whole women thing down as I was already up to like 20 pairs of shoes (including mens) and told her the story above. she thought it was pretty funny. She also said that after our next session she will refer me to endo to start HRT. I'm SOOOO EXCITED!!! I see her May 4 and then it will take a couple months to get in so by early july i think. It would be funny if I ended up on the same day as you Christine.  :)  Just got to get into a vertility clinic so i can give some of my little swimmers a nice new home.   

your wife saying you used to give her a "hard time about this" is too funny tasha. Men just don't get it. Maybe it's just cause they don't have any cute clothes to buy! haha

Amber I know what you are talking about with the stubble. I hate it soo much. on the bright side I'm thinking another 10 - 15 hours of electrolysis and most of my face should be cleared. Can't wait. My war against hair will wage on till I win, for now waxing and epilating and electrolysis will continue. Oh, and some laser too. I hear hormones help a lot so that something I'm really looking forward to.

the voice is a big thing too. I talked to the voice therapist the other day and it'll probably be August before that starts. I really hate my voice especially when I'm out interacting with people. talk you girl later, take care.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 13, 2016, 11:37:33 PM
Hiya Amber, yes we have been around alot of the same spots, I hope you don't think I'm following you!
That is quiet the collection to Sarah, I acctually have no shoes yet, I'v been stealing my girlfriends :') I'm in such a tight spot financialy at the minute though, with importation process of my car, can't spend too much.
That would be pretty cool if we started at the same time alright, we could compare progress.
I haven't bothered with the facial hair yet simply because I think its best waiting for hormones, that way they wont cone back? Role on July! :3
Take care Girls!
Christine
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 14, 2016, 10:12:06 AM


Quote from: ChristineRachel on April 13, 2016, 11:37:33 PM
I hope you don't think I'm following you!

It's okay if you are.  You seem nice and I can certainly think of worse people to be stalking me.  My wife may not appreciate it, lol.

I only have 3 pairs of shoes atm.  I get very discouraged and self conscious shopping for them due to larger feet.  Plus the finances are rather tight.  I will get there eventually.  I do find it interesting that so many of us are on similar time frames.  I should be starting hormones around July or August if things go to plan.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Josefa on April 14, 2016, 06:27:46 PM
 SarahElizabeth,

Wow love the thread you started here, so much information absorb.  I have read it several times now.  Write more.

Josefa
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 15, 2016, 11:00:48 PM
Yes miss Elizabeth... that is definitely the case.... what more do you need for clothes as a man than a few pair pants, a few shirts, a pain is shorts and a dressy outfit? As soon as I started shopping as a woman, I would buy cute stuff and be like "but now I need a top/skirt/pants/shoes to go with this".... it seems like as a woman there are sooo many options and fun ways to make an outfit that you simply need.... more!!!

What's cool though, is that I actually feel pretty now when I get dressed up, and even without a wig and makeup, I feel cute in some of my more casual clothes. You girls here have really helped me to accept myself and incorporate my desires and true feelings into my life. I truly appreciate you all!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 16, 2016, 12:26:10 AM
Ha yes Amber its the wife I gota watch out for!
And yes Tasha I'm the same getting too, my hair is pretty long now about 9 inchs all over,and my confidence is starting to sore, I feel cute even without my extensions, sometimes I'll look in the mirror even in guy clothes and wonder how people don't say anything! I've been sort of glowing lately, and this is simply thanks to talking about how I feel and self acceptance. I haven't started anything else
:)
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 16, 2016, 07:05:47 PM
Ya Christine, my wife and I have talked about it, and we don't think hrt and all that is what we want,  it top surgery is about as far as we think is right for us, and I am growing out my hair so I can get an a-line Bob... we like my other parts the way they are, I am scared of side affects and losing the intense sexual relationship we have. I think I'll have to be able to pass as a man until I get towards retiring because of my job.... unless my job changes....but I am happy being able to be fluid.... although the farther I go the more I find myself as a woman.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 16, 2016, 11:50:12 PM


Quote from: Tasha_ on April 16, 2016, 07:05:47 PM
although the farther I go the more I find myself as a woman.

This exactly.  I wasn't entirely sure where I would want to be when I started this journey.   The more I experiment the more I feel drawn to the feminine.  I have been so happy the last few days with the positive support I have received.  I have also noticed a trend that my younger friends (mid 20s) accept it much more readily with fewer explanations of motivation than my older friends (mid 30s).  I love you girls on Susan's.  Just being able to talk about things helps so much.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 17, 2016, 03:37:22 AM
Yes Tasha do it!, A line bob is stunning, especially with a long thin neck, ghost in the shell style,  I would do it but I want my hair long!, its already looking amazing!
I can understand what you mean, though my sexual relationship is much more on the emotional side, physical sex is quiet rare for a young couple as we are!
HRT and and Orchie is a must for me, with SRS a potential later, I think I will be happy with the diminished bulk of that area after everthing settles in.
Yes the further down the line you go you may end up going further is right!
What is the job if you don't mind me asking?
Amber you too feel similarly to Tasha about slowly morphing more female!
I'v always been very settled on the idea from very young, like looking in the mirror I would just see a guy pretending, every night I would pray to be a girl in the morning, and my body would stay as female as possible!
Acctually I'm very lucky body hair is baisicly non existent, facial hair too, never got very thick! But the main thing for me was my head hair, it is sooo thick, thicker than my girlfriends, if I would have thined or started balding at the front or crown I think I would be depressed!
I was so lucky for that!
I just cant wait for July, get me hormonely right anyway :)
As Amber says us girl here on Susans has been a fantastic fountain of Support and Info, I love you girls! :3
Hugs, Christine
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 17, 2016, 03:50:16 AM
Lol... I always thought I looked so feminine, and there are a couple of issues I have with my body.... hair!!!!, waaay too much.... I need to have real breasts, well, as real as possible.... and I need to learn to tuck better, because as much as I hate the bulge, I love using it!!! My wife and I have alwAys been been  wet physically attracted to each other, and had a very physical relationship (even more so now that I am behaving more feminine...) and we hate even considering the possibility of that diminishing. I actually work construction, general contractor in a small very republican town where I  would lose a customer base due to  bigotry.....

I cannot express how greatly I appreciate you girls!!!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 17, 2016, 10:10:18 AM
I do not intend to slowly morph into a woman.  Initially, I thought so.  I strongly want to transition and cannot wait until I get to start HRT.  I still do not want surgery.  I will end up in the nonop category of ladies.

My hair has been one of my best features.  I've been growing it out for over two years, long before I even suspected I was trans.  It is thick and wavy.  I used to home with people that I have girl hair.  Turns out, I really do.  It has been receding a bit at the temples over the years making the peak far too prominent.  This caused me much consternation because no one in my family has any sort of hair loss.  It does limit what styles I can do.  Hopefully, E will rectify that.

As far as sexual relations with my wife they are very important to both of us.  The frequency is down over the years because stress and kids, but it is still something that brings us closer together.  Tasha you may find as time goes on the intensity and frequency might diminish.  Not a guarantee, but it could happen.  Keep your options open in the future.  If you girls are happy with you current situation and plans that is awesome.  If it shifts over time, that can be awesome too.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 18, 2016, 10:45:19 PM
Sarah Elizabeth, you are so brave!  I think that is awesome and happy birthday too!  I too have been going to the group sessions and they have been very helpful. The closest I got to dressing to go there was to put my heels and hose on under my jeans. I had my bra on underneath but it might not have been apparent. I even went out after with the group to a restaurant but I couldn't wear the heels.  I chickened out on that part. Oh, I did have my nails done though... 😊  Best wishes to you. Hope to chat again soon.

Jenny
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 18, 2016, 11:40:57 PM
Tasha, I know this may sound like madness, but for my legs it is amasing! It is a little slice of hell the first time though, oh >-bleeped-< its bad :/
Oh thats great, I can understand how it wouldn't work ar work, I always find it so mad the types of jobs we have, I get this crazy mental picture of the work with us as our female selves! :) makes me laugh!
And Amber, hopefully HRT will help abit fkr the hair line, I'v the slightest temple area that could do with abit of extra hair, my hair is extremely thick though, I hope it doesnt change too much on hormones!
And thats a good point Amber, we think we have it all figured out, and in black and white but it slowly changes as we change!
Oh and Hello Jenny, how do you know its Sarahs birthday?
Ima say Happy Birthday to you too Sarah then!
I hope you have or have had a wonderful day!
Hugs, Christine.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 19, 2016, 05:58:07 PM
First of all, happy b-day Sarah, second, Christina, are you referring to hrt being amazing on your legs? Or did I just get totally lost all of a sudden? I tried to look back but I can't seem to catch back up?!?! Lol....
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 19, 2016, 11:20:41 PM
Oh god, sorry Tasha, I must have got lost in my 6 o'clock get up for work!
I mean epilators! I use one, its really great I find! Painful but effective!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 19, 2016, 11:50:32 PM
Oddly enough it was not Sarah's birthday recently.  If you scroll back to near the beginning of the thread you see she says it's the 25th of February.  So be sure to apologize for your tardiness ladies.

I have to admit I was incredibly confused by your comment as well Christine.  Thanks for clearing it up.  I too have gone the route of epilating.  I had purchase a relatively cheap one back in December to try it out.  It was good for my legs, but not super effective for anywhere else.  The hairs on my legs are much less coarse than on my torso.  I upgraded to a silk epil 9 and it was worth the money.  Far faster and more efficient.  It stings the first time you do an area.  I barely notice it on my legs now.  However, I found that areas with coarser hair are still annoyingly more uncomfortable to do.

As far as hair goes, I am looking forward to seeing what effect HRT will have on me.  I'm not drastically concerned about my hairline.  It's really not receded that badly. I just like to get upset about it because I am the only one it happened to.  I still have great hair and it works, just limited in the styles I can choose from.  Looking forward to hearing more updates. 

Amber
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 20, 2016, 12:07:12 AM
He he.... maybe should have checked that, was just following blindly to another wishing, but... happy late birthday!!! And thank you for clarifying, I haven't even thought about using an epilator...  and lol Christine, I should be getting up by 6 every day, but can't do it.... I sleep till I have 15 minutes or less till I have to leave the house.... if I was getting girly ready I'd be screwed!!! Have a great night girls!!!

(And thanks for pointing the birthday thing out Amber, at least you helped us catch it before she saw it)
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 20, 2016, 12:17:51 AM
Hi girls,
   I've been out of town for the last few days and haven't had a chance to post anything. First off welcome Josefa and jenny. interesting, i think, it was a post by a girl named jenny that brought me to susan's in the first place. Specifically  her post about Yeson's voice surgery. My birthday was back in February, i mentioned it in an earlier post, but thank you girls.

   I started the process to legally change my name. Sooo exciting!!! Sadly it's going to take, atleast, several months to get everything changed and done. but as the saying goes short term pain for long term gain. I realized something the other day. So, I was walking through the mall, all done up, and realized I hadn't looked at myself in a mirror. I mean from head to toe.  So I found a mirror and thought I looked pretty good and it occurred to me that I was never happy with my appearance as a man. i didn't think I was bad looking I just didn't like what I saw. A feeling I don't get as a women. I started to cry and looked at myself in the mirror again and thought all i needed was a little more feminization and I would be perfect. :)

hair came up briefly when I saw my psychologist the other day and according to her dysphoria about hair is common with trans people. which I think makes perfect sense. i hate to burst your bubble Amber but it's not likely HRT will help with your hair line. As it's mostly Testosterone that effects hair growth. hence men are harrier then women. hair line advancement is often done by trans women when their hairline is too far back. I don't think I have that problem but my hairline isn't that straight which i'm not crazy about. But it also doesn't bother me that much either. I figure if I have some extra money i might have a bit of hair transplanted to fix it up a bit but it's not at all a priority for me. For me trying to have a realistic expectation of things is important. So, i do a lot of research. HRT will help get rid of a lot of body hair. it can make new hair grow a little finer as well and, naturally, it doesn't do anything to hair that has already grown.

i know what you mean about thick hair christine, I also have thicker then average hair. I've been growing my hair out and the last time i got it trimmed to remove the split ends my stylist asked me if I wanted her to thin it out. Which I've been doing my whole life and I said no. She said ok but that eventually i would have to. I've never had long, even shoulder length hair, so I want to grow it all out and see what it looks like. easy to take some off if there is too much but it's a long process to grow out.

I've had several people tell me that I'm so brave but I don't feel like I'm brave. I'm just being myself, as much as possible. it's really great that people have been soo understanding and supportive while I transition though.

I'm so hard on my nails I keep growing them out and when they get to a length I like, I end up breaking a couple of them. So, I trim them all and start all over. i've thought about getting fake nails but there are much more important thing for me to spend money on at the moment.

amber I'm jealous you have naturally wavy hair. I love wavy, curly hair. i've always noticed women with it. My hair has a bit of a wave too it but not as much as i would like. tasha I feel your pain with tucking. I haven't had much luck with it myself. but, unlike you, I very much look forward to having it removed. if i go through healthcare it could take years though. Hopefully I can make enough money to just go get it done. Well I've probably blabbed on enough. talk you girls soon.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 20, 2016, 07:35:29 AM
Sarah,

So happy to hear your progress, already starting towards the legal issues.  Unfortunately, bureaucracy does take time.  Luckily, it sounds like you are pretty good about dealing with the waiting.

I hated having wavy hair for so many years. It was more of a pain than anything else. I kept it short so it would stay manageable.  It is very thick and has a lot of volume.  I'm not worried about the hair past of things.  I wouldn't say you burst my bubble. From all the reading I've done it seems like it's possible if unlikely. There is always monoxidil.  Otherwise, I just save money for a someday fix.  It doesn't affect me passing.  Glad I will be stopping the retreat before it gets too bad.

I understand what you mean about feeling better about your appearance.  I wasn't a bad looking guy.  A lot of people had told me so over the years.  I just hated what I saw staring back at me, most days.  I like my appearance so much better en femme.  I still can point to areas where I need work, but now I'm more optimistic rather than pessimistic.  I look in the mirror now and I see how feminine my face is and wonder how I never noticed before. This is even when in guy mode and getting out of bed in the morning.  I can't imagine how it will be once I start on hormones.

The optimism is quite possibly the most noticeable change to everyone. Since I discovered I was trans and accepted it, I have been happier and just better overall.  I look forward to becoming a better more complete person.

Love you girls,
Amber
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 20, 2016, 11:45:24 PM
I'm lucky the hair on my legs is my only problem and its female patern anyway, like it stops apout half way up my thigh, I'v always thought I was so lucky with my lack of body hair, I wonder does it mean anything?, my gf has more hair than me :')
Sorry about the birthday thing, better late than never I supose!
And oh yea I have to get up this early to Set myself right gotta clock in for 7 :')
If Im not up an hour before it I am so tired!
Ha thats good news Sarah on the name change!
And i know that feeling when you see your reflection and think, "you on point tnight", I never got that really with myself, but I always do when Im in town back home and I have my car polished to a T and just go cruising past shop windows :L #don't forget your past
Ha they used to always thin me out too, :@ I hate hairdressers so bad, I cant wait to get my hair nicely styled!
I was looking at electrolysis nearby and I could start anytime, I'm real worried about work and my Parents mostly, they only see me through skype so maybe the wouldn't notice anyway! Or I could make up on a beard, lol
Nails are hard to grow when you work physical, mines are very strong bar one that has a line on it that keeps splitting, this line only apeared last year, it so annoying :/
Its nice that you get compliments like that Sarah, makes me somewhat hopeful for when I'm out!
And Amber I was the same, always complimented as a guy being good looking, though I'v had people mistake for "mam" from behind a few times, and that always made my week! :')
And yes our optimistic view on things now is the greatest change, I can't wait to see wher this goes!
Anyhow I'm off to work, have fun girls
Hugs, Christine
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 21, 2016, 12:58:35 AM
Congratulations on the forward progress!!! You seem to be moving on pretty quickly considering all the bureaucracy involved... keep up with the optimism and patience, you are a break person and deserve to be happy!!!

I haven't looked in a mirror and thought I look good for years, until I started dressing in feminine clothes. And I probably wouldn't even have gotten this far so quickly without you girls, so thank you!!!

You're pretty lucky for your hair Christine, I shave a forest all over my body every other day!!! Lol...

Sarah, you are brave, just because you are just being yourself. Sometimes it is brave to do so. You are going against the grain of society, when we are barely being accepted and you are not letting the possibility of bigotry and negative comments scare you off of your path. I truly find it inspirational reading about your progress.

Well, have a break night/day girls, talk to you all soon!!!

Tasha :icon_bunch:
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 21, 2016, 02:36:43 PM
Hi girls. I have a question. Do you ever get ingrown hairs when shaving?  I do sometimes on the upper parts of my legs and groin area. Any ideas?  Laser and electrolosys is too expensive for me right now. Thanks.

Jenny
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 21, 2016, 04:19:11 PM
Sorry to crash in but enjoyed your whole thread and wanted to say hi.

Hope you don't mind and Happy Birthday for February ofc ☺

Jenny - For shaving legs with a wet razor try using a cheap hair conditioner instead of shaving gel. Give it a good couple of minutes to work its magic and get legs smooth as glass.

Most times I just tough it out with a cheap electric ladyshave.  Not as close a shave but the hair not being so short prevents ingrowns better.

Laser taking the edge off but still feel like a wookie before a shave.

Sent from my GT-I9195I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 21, 2016, 06:38:44 PM
Hi Jenny, funny thing, my wife actually does the electric on the upper parts of her legs, and only shaves from mid-thigh down.... I don't have much of a problem with ingrown hair so far so I haven't worried yet, but she gets them everytime she uses a razor on her upper thigh....

For making razors last longer, (and a nice close shave) the conditioner trick works well, I use herbal essences for dry damaged hair and it makes my hair waaay softer. Otherwise I go through like 50 bucks worth of blades a month.

Talk to you all soon!!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 21, 2016, 06:42:42 PM
I use a product called pfb vanish to help with ingrowns.  I am prone to them.  Exfoliating is the key.  Gotta keep those pores clear so the hair doeant go sideways.  In addition to that I use exfoliating gloves to gently rub dead skin off every night before I lotion.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 21, 2016, 06:48:25 PM
Thanks Tasha!  Obviously, I am very new at all of these feminine practices but I absolutely love them!  I love the smooth feeling. I also shave my lower arms and I really like that too. Very smooth. I was initially nervous about doing that, but nobody has said anything or even noticed. Another thing I just did tonight was I painted my fingernails with clear polish. I am really tempted to leave them as is even in male mode. They are really not noticeable just a bit shinier. Of course my toe nails are always painted red since nobody notices with my shoes and socks on. Makes me feel secretively feminine. :)

Jenny
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 21, 2016, 06:50:43 PM
Thanks. I did try exfoliating too. I bought some of the sugar based rub and used the gloves. Didn't really seem to help. Will have to keep trying to see if I can figure out what to do.

Jenny
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 21, 2016, 07:24:52 PM
Recently got a small grinder/nail buffer to take the ridges off my nails. After buffing and a rub with olive oil it looks like clear coat but with no risk of chipping or flaking.

Sent from my GT-I9195I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 21, 2016, 09:13:34 PM
Lol Jenny, I'm glad I'm not the only one that shaves my arms, but I do mine all the way from knuckles to armpits... and it does feel wonderful!! The toes are easy as you said, but I took my kids out for a walk and ended up at a swimming hole and had to go barefoot... nice thing is people don't really notice, and if they do it's easy to pass off. I actually go out with fake nails on and painted up in guy mode and even then nobody really says anything.... what's really nice is going out fully feminine.... makes shopping more fun and as uncomfortable as it is, getting hit on and being called mam, lady, and using the women's restroom is great!! Hell, I even got complimented on my sexy caged high heels when I was in guy mode... life really gets better when you truly begin accepting yourself... lol, sorry about the rambling... nice to meet you!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 21, 2016, 09:39:01 PM
Actually I do shave my arms from knuckles to the armpit. Didn't make it clear. Sorry about that.  I like it so much. I just wish I could shave my back!  I generally remove the polish off my toes when I have my son. I am separated from my wife and living in a hotel waiting on the divorce. She didn't like me coming out. What do you mean by caged high heels while in male mode?  Were you wearing high heels in guy mode?  I haven't gone out in public yet. I don't have a wig yet(my male hair has lots to be desired - or lack of hair I should say) and not much for makeup yet. I want to get a makeover when I go to get a wig.  I just think that would be loads of fun!

Nice to meet you too!

It has been wonderful talking to others with similar interests as I have.

Jenny
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 21, 2016, 10:38:00 PM
Wow looks like we got quite a gang going now. Welcome Jerica. Everyone is welcome here. the more the merrier as the saying goes.

That interesting about the conditioner I hadn't heard that before but it makes sense. I wax and use an epilator for everything so I don't really have the same issues as shaving. well except my face which is slowly getting to be less and less. I've never liked body hair and like you Chistine I'm naturally not very hairy. I was just never willing to  remove it before for fear of "not being a guy." So happy now to be raging war against it. One day I will be rid of it all forever.  ;D   >:-)

Jenny i laughed when I read what you said about the clear nail polish because I did the same thing. I started wearing a clear nail hardener/top & bottom coat before I painted my nails with color for the first time. people didn't seem to notice and if they did they didn't say anything. I think people don't always know what to make of it when they see me and just don't say anything.

I got a happy surprise today. So I did my finger printing last week and was told it would take 2 - 4 weeks to get the response. I got it today, exactly one week later. So, off to the registry with letter and change of name forms I went.  I was told 2 - 4 months for them to process it though. Hopefully they are way off. But however long it takes once they are done I will have my change of name certificate and my name will legally be Sarah Elizabeth &(*)&^()*. <~~~ not actually censored for privacy and safety. hahaha then just have to change everything.. arggggg that'll take some time.

take care girls  *muahhhh*

love you all
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 21, 2016, 10:47:47 PM
Congrats Sarah Elizabeth!  How exciting! 

So are you saying you paint your finger nails with color even in male mode or do you present female full time now?  Not sure if I could do the color on my fingernails without feeling self conscious. The toes are easy since they are covered all the time.

Jenny
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 22, 2016, 12:15:18 AM
He he... so I think we have totally turned thus thread into a community.... thanks to Sarah's amazing personal strength and everybody's honest and intelligent input/advice this thread has been officially hijacked Amber.... lol....

Jenny, yes total guy mode... my first real purchase of feminine clothes besides thigh highs was a pair of black 5 inch heels that have diagonal rectangles cut out of them. When I first started my journey, I thought I liked to wear high heels and stockings.... other than that I was all man....

I was ashamed and embarrassed about it for years, and one day I got drunk and told my wife. She was supportive and said that it may be a little strange, but she would be okay with me doing it. After a while, I thought "well hell, maybe a skirt would be cool in the summer", and eventually I stopped lying to myself about it all and have been in the middle of my own "puberty" ever since. Before we truly realized the depth of my feelings, I was determined ed to grow some balls and express myself the way I wanted to. So I went out in man clothes, with painted toes and open toe "caged" heels. After a while, I threw in fake painted nails too, and never got a sideways look. I even bit compliments on the nails jobs and shoes I was wearing (always from women, men were always oblivious). I was always super conscious of being stared at, but now I am positive it was in my head. Now, my toes are always painted, sometimes nails but my job limits the practicality that, and I regularly dress all out after work and am not recognized by friends or neighbors, and am totally gendered correctly.

If it weren't for these girls that you see on this thread, I would never have gotten this far. They are truly inspirational and have helped me to accept myself. I am sorry for all the trouble that your coming out has caused, but somehow life does have a way of working out if you persevere (hence miss Sarah Elizabeth's amazing journey).


I love you girls!!! And I'll talk to you all soon,

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 22, 2016, 03:06:49 AM
Thank you Sarah Elizabeth. I did kinda feel like I was intruding and wasn't going to come back until I saw your post.

Sounds like everything going amazingly well for you and I love how freely you chat here. You seem like a lovely girl and it's fun to read your conversation.

Waxing at home went badly for me with tons of spots so not doing that again for fear of scarring.

Epilator I hadn't thought of as was worried it could impede my laser. I'll need to ask him on Sunday for his thoughts.

Totally agree with the war on hair every victory with is to be savoured but someday it will be done forever ☺

Sent from my GT-I9195I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Cindy on April 22, 2016, 03:23:52 AM
Hi Ladies,

Yes you have a nice thread going and it is lovely to see how you are supporting each other.

Before I transitioned I hated my arm, leg, back hair and one day plucked up (pun intended) the courage to go and get a waxing. It was wonderful! About 6 weeks hair free and the woman who did it at a female beauty salon had no issues. I told her I was trans and she helped me with lots of tips.

Funny thing I met her in the shops recently and she was looking at me quizzically - I think I know that person look. I went to her and introduced myself. She greeted my like a long lost sister. Told me that in fact she thought I was the sister of the guy who went to her salon, we had a coffee and caught up on all sorts of gossip, such as her wedding, her new husband, just fun stuff.

She asked if I needed waxing and I told her that after HRT and getting the tumours removed I had no need.

So she told me that next time I was going out somewhere special with my boyfriend to give her a call and she would give me a free make over for old times sake.

So what I'm saying is that there are wonderful people out there who like and accept us and just want the best there is for us. Don't be fearful!

Love to you all

Cindy
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 22, 2016, 05:59:51 AM
People so far have been great and they do seem to reflect what you project.

Before I woke up I was a ghost and treated as such, people were of no use nor interest to me and I was the same to them.

Once I was me the world seemed to get happier as I did.
I was like where were all these happy people before and like everything else it all makes sense to me now.

There are a lot of good people out there and in here I hasten to add who I look forward to talking to.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 22, 2016, 09:53:49 AM
Well it was not my fault it was hijacked.  Everything seems fine anyway.  More people = more fun and discussion.

Body hair was always a sticking point for me.  I didn't particularly mind the leg hair and when I got chest hair I was happy because I was a man!  Then I got more chest hair and stomach hair and eventually back hair and shoulder hair.  This progression pissed me off something fierce.  I am very pale skinned and unlike the hair on my head, which is nice and blonde, this hair was coarse dark and ugly.  This combined with my naturally poor body image from being a fat kid to make me hide my body at all times and feel uncomfortable without a shirt on.  Over the years I did try my hand a few times at shaving in/using Nair.  It always left me with massive amounts of bumps and other unpleasantness.  So I eventually just let it be.

Once I finally decided to give it a real effort and look into aftercare and such, I am so much happier about things.  Of course shortly afterward I discovered I was trans and that part of it made sense.  I've always loved having painted nails.  Occasionally I would paint them, horribly I might add, and then remove it before the night was up and I was caught.  Now I don't have the anxiety about that and love to have them painted everywhere except work.  I cook so polish just gets wrecked from all the hand washing and grease and other nastiness.

Now that I have been informing my friends I can be me beyond my house without worrying so much about my affectations and wardrobe.  That is a new and nice experience.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 22, 2016, 10:06:04 AM
Well after thinking I would be brave by wearing the clear polish to work, shortly after I arrived I noticed several fingers were peeling so I ended up peeling it all off. Oh well.

Jenny
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 22, 2016, 08:47:06 PM
I totally agree Amber, it is more fun with all the girls here... I was just laughing about how this thread blew up... and I totally agree about the hair, it bothered me only once I started dressing, and my wife could never even notice it....

That's sucks Jenny, it always makes it hard when we finally muster up the courage and then something happens to prevent us from moving forward....

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 22, 2016, 09:38:17 PM
Hair is quite a battle as a boy it was never enough i even got teased for looking girly (oh the irony) but now I know am a girl the stuff is everywhere. The gods have quite a sense of humour.

Pity about the nails but fantastic you had the strength to do it.

Edit - Hmmmmm should probably clarify I'm not a religiousy person but find the Greek idea kinda fun like we're toys to them. Will leave the post intact but if was a forum faux pas please let me know. Last thing I want to do is upset anyone if you know what I mean but for now I'm talking as I think. Maybe I'm just over thinking it though.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 22, 2016, 11:01:36 PM
Hi girls,   :icon_wave:
  Jenny, well done on wearing the clear nail polish. it's a shame it didn't hold up but it's a step and I think that's great. I have a nasty habit of scratching... and it start to peel the polish off the nail tips. really gotta work on that. I've spent months and months taking little steps building my confidence and embracing my new self. if it wasn't for all the great people I've met on here and in person i'm not sure I would have made it this far so fast. or maybe even have tucked tail and went and hid.

you are absolutely right Cindy, there are some really wonderful people out there. A friend shared a story with me and I thought I would share it with you all http://www.upworthy.com/my-wife-surprised-her-coworkers-when-she-came-out-as-trans-then-they-surprised-her?c=ufb1 (http://www.upworthy.com/my-wife-surprised-her-coworkers-when-she-came-out-as-trans-then-they-surprised-her?c=ufb1)  reading it made me cry, in a good way. I wish we all had such a positive story to tell.

At a group meeting this past week we broke up into small groups and played a game. to make this short it was a long path of squares with male at one end and female at the other. You started at one end and worked toward your Identified sex. along the path there were risk squares and you had to flip a card if you landed on that square. you would get the good, the bad and the ugly... sorry I'm skipping the intricacies of the game but my take away from playing it was that no matter what you encounter along the way You can get to Your desired end. Whatever that might be. as each of out stories shows what transitioning means can vary greatly from one person to the other.

on one final note for the evening I was listening to some music today and heard a song by Doug Supernaw. (old song) while all the lyrics don't apply there is one line which made me think of you all. "when the world ain't all you thought it would be. You still got me" So, girls, You still got me!! Goodnight take care
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 22, 2016, 11:32:44 PM
Wow!  What a wonderful story!  Thank you for sharing it Sarah Elizabeth. I wish more people could have co-workers like she had. Makes me wonder if I could have that kind of experience if I end up transitioning some day.

Oh, no big deal on the nail polish. Maybe another time. I was surprised it all peeled off so easily. Maybe I bought the wrong kind. Can't say I looked at it much before I bought it. It says top coat, professional nail lacquer.

Jenny
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 23, 2016, 03:56:45 AM
Lovely story. So good when nice things happen.

Game sounds fun especially the point that you can actually get to the end instead of having to settle for somewhere in between.

Not familiar with the song but love the sentiment.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Cindy on April 23, 2016, 04:12:10 AM
Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 22, 2016, 11:01:36 PM
Hi girls,   :icon_wave:
  Jenny, well done on wearing the clear nail polish. it's a shame it didn't hold up but it's a step and I think that's great. I have a nasty habit of scratching... and it start to peel the polish off the nail tips. really gotta work on that. I've spent months and months taking little steps building my confidence and embracing my new self. if it wasn't for all the great people I've met on here and in person i'm not sure I would have made it this far so fast. or maybe even have tucked tail and went and hid.

you are absolutely right Cindy, there are some really wonderful people out there. A friend shared a story with me and I thought I would share it with you all http://www.upworthy.com/my-wife-surprised-her-coworkers-when-she-came-out-as-trans-then-they-surprised-her?c=ufb1 (http://www.upworthy.com/my-wife-surprised-her-coworkers-when-she-came-out-as-trans-then-they-surprised-her?c=ufb1)  reading it made me cry, in a good way. I wish we all had such a positive story to tell.

At a group meeting this past week we broke up into small groups and played a game. to make this short it was a long path of squares with male at one end and female at the other. You started at one end and worked toward your Identified sex. along the path there were risk squares and you had to flip a card if you landed on that square. you would get the good, the bad and the ugly... sorry I'm skipping the intricacies of the game but my take away from playing it was that no matter what you encounter along the way You can get to Your desired end. Whatever that might be. as each of out stories shows what transitioning means can vary greatly from one person to the other.

on one final note for the evening I was listening to some music today and heard a song by Doug Supernaw. (old song) while all the lyrics don't apply there is one line which made me think of you all. "when the world ain't all you thought it would be. You still got me" So, girls, You still got me!! Goodnight take care

I read this and I have to admit when I came out it was similar. I 'revealed' myself on a Friday and went to work as me on the Monday. I had flowers in my office, all the women polished their nails like mine. And my PhD students gave me a $500 voucher for clothes from a major department store; they had saved.

Love does exist and never doubt it.

Take care Ladies.

Cindy
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 23, 2016, 08:12:30 PM
Sorry Jenny, I was being rushed when I wrote my last post... I meant to say that it can be celebrating when our attempts are foiled... I  by no means wanted to duscourage you. I thi k it is wo fearful that you are trying to get out there and I hope your next attempt goes as planned!!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 23, 2016, 10:51:57 PM
Oh. No biggie. I will get there. Baby steps.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 23, 2016, 11:27:49 PM
Ummm I guess I am also having a hard time with auto correct too ... not celebrating, I meant frustrating... lol
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 23, 2016, 11:30:40 PM
Hehe


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 23, 2016, 11:41:36 PM
I have been laying low for a while girls, have alot on,
Thats so levely of your students Cindy! Can't believe that :') its too sweet.
And Sarah , that story too :'),','
Has me all warm inside, I hope I should be so lucky,
Anyway I can't stay and talk, I'm off to The otherside of Zurich today, gona take three hours to get ther, gotta se e a car, as a replacement for what I'mdriving now!
Hope you girls are having a wonderful weekend!
Byeee, love, Christine
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Vincent Johnson on April 27, 2016, 03:57:33 PM
Hello! It is nice to meet you! I hope you have fun at Susan's!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 01, 2016, 08:47:33 PM
Ok, back on the shaving subject. I finally had someone notice my shaved arms. It was my mother. She asked if I had lost the hair on my arms. All I could say was "I guess I have. Not sure why". Of course I am not yet out to them. Not sure I ever can be. They are old and set in their ways and Dad has dementia pretty bad.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 02, 2016, 12:05:34 PM
Ya, I've always wondered what I would tell someone that I'm not out to... kind of a tough one, you could always say that it's growing thinner in some spots and made you uncomfortable so you just shaved the rest of it.... or competition e swimming might make a good excuse.... lol... maybe saying nothing like you did is the way to go....
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 02, 2016, 12:07:24 PM
Just glad they didn't see my shaved legs or painted toe nails. :)


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Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 02, 2016, 05:55:25 PM
Hi and welcome to this thread vincent.

Sorry I haven't posted in a little while I got a virus, multiple viruses actually. spent hours getting rid of them but then couldn't connect to the internet. and some other glitches with windows. long story short i wasn't able to fix it and ended up doing a clean install of windows. which took days.... it was forever "downloading updates" grr stupid microsoft.

Anyway,  LOL jenny. atleast she only noticed the arms. as Tasha said sports is a good way to explain any lack of hair as it's fairly common for athletes to shave or otherwise remove hair. the other day i went to meet up with someone that i wasn't out to. I'm still not into the whole be dressed as a women and be sort of in people face about being trans. So I went in jeans and a t shirt and nothing feminine. So I'm driving there and I notice the nail polish on my finger nails. haha ooops. so Anyway, we talk over coffee for almost 2 hours and he never says anything about it. we kind of wrapping things up and I say oh by the way... I'm trans. etc etc so we talked about it a little and he was totally understanding and supportive. he even said he wants to go out for supper with me when I'm all done up. No it's nothing romantic just in case anyone wonders.... Anyway I gotta get to work take care girls.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 02, 2016, 06:05:49 PM
Sounds like a nice friend. He is a keeper no matter if it's romantic or not. The athletic thing wouldn't work for me. I have never been into sports and they know that. I was the one that tripped over his own feet in junior high and held the record for quickest wrestling match. Um no, I didn't win the match. I was better at band. Played the trumpet in marching band. :)

Hope you and your computer are feeling better. I'm a techie geek kind of person.


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Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 02, 2016, 06:53:26 PM
>-bleeped-< Sarah, I'm gonna have to try that.... lol.... glad your friend is supportive too, it's always nice to get positive feedback.... and Jenny, for some reason legs and toes are just not noticeable, I've been all over the place in flip flops and nobody has ever said anything...  small stuff is easy to pass off.... it's the ears getting pierced and growing out your hair, (I think I'm gonna get an a-line Bob as soon as its long enough....)

Good note, I went all weekend into town as myself, and I am definitely boosted in my confidence. No body looked at me sideways, and on Saturday I went I to a liquor store for some good whiskey to share with my lovely wife, and a girl walked up to me and says "fancy bottle, fancy clothes, you look really nice", and I didn't even hesitate to reply. I think my voice is beginning to come into itself, and I have not yet been misgendered while out!!! I still work about getting carded though, like, "this isn't you", but if that happens, I'm thinking about replying "no, that's me" in my man voice.... lol.... don't know what else to do.... lol... maybe offer to show them what's under my skirt in the ladies room to prove it??? What's a girl to do!?!? Lol...

You are too awesome Sarah, I really need to try that line out at the end of a conversation sometime.... you make it seem like the right way to do it, no big deal, just, by the way....

Talk to you girls later!!
Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 02, 2016, 11:31:02 PM
That sounds amasing Sarah, to get those kind of responses to it!, I still haven't come out to anyone bar my GF, so I'm real scared of coming out still, especially my family, you know I acctually told my mother about this 5-6 years ago?
About the hair problem, I only have facial hair to worry about, and I'm hoping hormones deminish it abit before I start electrolysis, that way people may notice less, I hope :')
Haha, if it takes the "shenis" to prove it Tasha we would all be very happy! :')
I can't wait to be out, but fear like the plague to be outed
Hope all is well for you girls,
Love, Christine
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 02, 2016, 11:56:24 PM
I still don't even know what to do about coming out to my mother/stepfather/all those that close, because we really aren't that close.... we live 4 minutes from each other and the only time I see them it's all business (literally my stepfather is my business partner...). So, since we don't even get along on a personal level as it is, why should I even tell them? I kind of want to stop talking to them altogether anyway, so if they even saw me somewhere they probly wouldn't look twice... I dunno, my mom already thinks it's something she did, even though I specifically told her why I am this way and how long... I mean, wrong forum so I'll stop now.... but that kind of sums up my feelings....

Lol... love you girls!!!
Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 02, 2016, 11:57:59 PM
Speaking of telling family, more of my freaking in-laws know about me completely than my own family!!!

Okay, done now....
Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 03, 2016, 01:56:31 AM
Yeah, I haven't really treated it as a big deal when I've told anyone. I've basically said yeah I'm trans and I'm transitioning. I don't know if it's the right way or best way or whatever but I'm a laid back person so it fits... I also, on one hand, don't consider it a big deal. don't get me wrong it's a huge thing to go through and a process like no other. it is a big deal. it's taken me a long time to really begin to find myself and I'm still soo early in this process... I think if you don't make a big deal of it then others may not be as inclined to do so..

Christine, I'm naturally not very hairy and I have a lot less growing after waxing a couple times and everything else but the face... *sigh I have a lot less after all the electrolysis I've had but every now and then some hair will pop up in an area that I thought we were mostly done with and I feel sooo... Pissed off really. I hear hormones reduce hair even facial hair but I've seen a lot of trans girls that are on hormones and have that 5 o'clock shadow and I cringe. Unfortunately my facial hair that grows fastest and longest is dark dark brown and coarse. it's one of the things that I get most dysphoric about. I can't be rid of it fast enough. i'm getting it done as fast as i can, unfortunately it's hard on the skin and I can only go so fast.

tasha, I'm jealous you have a passable voice. that's the other big thing I get dysphoric about, my voice bothers me soo much. I've only got carded once and the bouncer just looked at me and let me in, didn't say a word.

I'm slowly changing everything to Sarah and getting rid of things with Marcus (former name) in it like email addresses etc. once I finished telling everyone in person that i wanted to and announced it on Facebook I've slowly been moving everyone over to my new Facebook profile. I finally made some posts about what I was doing and had some people send friend requests to help things along. which was nice to know that they really were aware what i was doing. Anyway, i was finally like I just want this done so i sent everyone friend requests as Sarah and then unfriended them and deleted my Marcus page. things are moving along. i wonder what it'll be like when i'm done "becoming Sarah" and get to focus on just living my life again... starts day dreaming

Love you girls
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 03, 2016, 06:03:53 AM
Really love the way you handle everything Sarah I would have to confess even a bit envious of how well everything is going for you.
Well apart from the computery bits but that happens to us all, usually at the worst times too.

My world isn't really big but my only friend was told between starter and main course at lunch like a total nonevent.
He was great and even gave me into trouble for worrying about his reaction.

It's amazing what you can get away with changing without being called on it though.
Body, clothes, persona, scents, nails, hair and even entire rooms around you without someone going "Wait a minute....".
People have a great habit of changing what they see to fit us into their world.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 03, 2016, 01:11:51 PM
I definitely agree that is a big deal, but not like let's make a big deal out of big deal.... it's hoopla that scares me about telling some people, if it was like oh, and by the way I am trans, I wouldn't even care.....
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on May 03, 2016, 01:17:06 PM
Most people I have told were curious about how I thought they would react.  I never have an answer for them.  Too many unknown variables.  I tell them I don't know.  I'm a realist. Plan for the worst, hope for the best, accept something in the middle.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 03, 2016, 02:24:38 PM
I think I have kind of made it more of a big deal than I wanted to, but because I was nervous and it took a little bit to spit it out... maybe that will get easier with my growing confidence....
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 03, 2016, 02:36:17 PM
Best of luck to you all. I won't be doing it for quite some time. Still trying to figure it all out.


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Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 03, 2016, 11:36:55 PM
Uh the thought of all this fighting and BS when I come out makes me sick to my stomach!
My parents arent bad people, just very backward, they would hardly know about any of this!
I had told my mother once years ago, she talked about it for about three days and that was it over :/
I think I must have been 19-20 that sort of age, I'm not sure now
Tasha if you dont care for loosing them, I'd tell em! But your job is what leaves you stuck I guess.
What I'd love to do is change jobs, work in maybe a wee clothes shop here, maybe a bar, something social maybe! Get me talking and relaxing more!
And yep Sarah, I can understand the frustration of them coming back!
I will be starting very soon, this talk about scaring from electrolysis, is it possible?, or is it more a case of really having to look after the skin? I worry about that :/
And Jerrica, I couldn't get away with any of that back home, I would be spotted right away, it depends how manly the veil we used to hide was I guess!
I love the idea of not a big deal, but I know it well mean war! :/
Scared to death of the idea :(
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 04, 2016, 02:15:13 AM
Hey Christine :)

Sorry to hear about the troubles with your family. Luckily for me mine decided years ago it was better not to see me and that was before. They'd probably burn me at the stake if I told them so totally tempted but I am not a weapon, I am just me, so I won't.

I used to be a ghost and alpha dog wannabe now I'm so alive nobody would link me to him as I have changed that much.

Unsettling but maybe I am still a ghost (nah I'm not going to think that way). People are just so busy with their own stuff making it too easy to not be seen even when you think I'm being soooo obvious it's business as usual. But that is also kinda nice as I'm not really doing anything special I'm just being me.

Only had one electrolysis session last Saturday for an hour and a half. Didn't really hurt but did feel kinda weird almost fell asleep I was that comfy. Told my skin took it really well but when I looked in the mirror I just thought "Yeah my face has just been attacked by a swarm of angry bees". Then the panic set in over how fast, if ever, it would heal.

Sunday it had reduced a lot and by Monday looked like a minor shaving rash. This morning it's almost back to normal but I'm only allowed to shave on Mondays to get enough hair for Saturday so I feel like Gandalf again.

Skincare routine changed a bit still use moisturising face wash then rub the spotty bits gently with witch hazel using a cotton wool pad. Give it a few mins to dry then do my full face with my usual moisturiser.

Looking forward to my Saturdays as I'll feel so much better once it's all done but it's not easy only getting to see yourself once a week and not at my best either. OK moment of weakness over, for now.

Electrolysist assures me scarring risk when done properly is negligible. After care is critical though to prevent infection which can lead to scarring.

Which reminds me I need to investigate witch hazel gel and a decent sunscreen SPF30+ for Saturday.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 04, 2016, 09:53:37 AM
Ya, changing jobs would be great, but I am sole bread-winner and make real good money here, and need to change careers starting at great wages in order to do it..... sucks.... well at work now, I'll talk to you girls later!!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 07, 2016, 12:55:05 AM
Its so sad how it goes sometimes with families, I mean if I knew they would be horrible and never come round I'd change my name and move, they would never track me here abroad, but I love them all so much, I need them in my life, I would miss them too much, I skype home almost every night :')
I tryed to be like this abit Jerrica, but honestly deep down I think they know, my brothers and even Dad would always like if angry ther insults would be quiet typical, like call you a puff or gay or queer, which is horrible but I get it! Deep down they know, I think
My mother actually knows I told her years ago, but after about 3 days of talking about it she started making it out wierd and that was the end of talking.
And Tasha, do you not worry you will eventually get weeker?, I suppose you aren't planning hormones, but me I fear I will become too week to do what I used to do at work, if I could go elsewher I would, but I kinda want to be semi-transformed into my new self when I get new work.

Oh here is a story for you, all this is real creepy, With my HRT coming up in hardly 2 months I was told I should sperm bank, I decided it could be a good idea, so did my girlfriend (I akways seen myself as piece of trash, and should breed this potential gender confusion into someone else) but my therapist made me feel so normal, I started invisioning my wee family :')
Anyway, after a few weeks of searhing and talking back and forth between them, I had my appointment yesterday, a 4- hour journey through the Alps and just on the edge of Italy, was so tropical ther!
Some form signing in the clinic and I had blood test done and waited around again for a while, after a while I was led to a small private room to do the bussiness, now this was so weird, halways was linded with scantily clad women, and in the room was a small TV playing typical 90's porn, it was very funny, but it was a chalenge and a half to keep stiff enough to work one out of me, oh lord why am even typing this? Ha
Anyway about 15 minutes pass and I'm done, Thank God! Clean up get out of ther hand the sample to the women upstairs and that was it, they will contact me with the results latter!
I was so weirded out by alot of it, but it was very professionaly done, it really wasn't so bad looking back on it now! Having to explain my predicamen to the Dr was wierd, but she took it well, just marked it down as a "change of sex" ha, like its that easy :')
Shopped around abit after in the area, then left for home, I was to freaked out to properly shop
That was funny Friday I hope not to do again!
Hope you girls are all well and have nice things planned for the weekend
Hugs, Christine
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 08, 2016, 01:02:29 AM
I could imagine that being weird... but all I'd have to do is fantasize about the sex life I have with my wife and it'd be over quick lol... I have worried about getting weaker, but as long as I stay physical I should be fine.... but if I decide on hormones I  the future, then that is something I'll just have to deal with.  Why is it that we are more scared of talking to the people that are supposed to love us the most about this stuff??? Why are the people that are the closest to us the meanest? Anyway, mini vacation with wify, so I'll talk to you girls later!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 08, 2016, 03:53:10 AM
People's transphobia combined with the prospect of you taking away "their" alleged loved one can really mess with their heads as they think of you like a possession and your needs are secondary.

Some will recover, others will pretend they are ok and the rest well they would really rather strap you down and "cure" you to fit into their world better.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 08, 2016, 07:07:28 PM
The ones I worry about are the ones who will act like its something they did wrong that "made you this way" (my mom).... and the bigoted ones who will not let us see our nephews/nieces and be hurtful about it. It's okay to not understand and accept it, it's totally different to not understand and attribute it to something that makes it about them or make you out to be a monster or freak. With the total access to information we now have at our fingertips it angers me that so many people can live in ignorance and choose to not do anything about it, or flat out refuse to believe the empirical evidence showing that it is not a disease or mental illness or that it can be affected by any one person's actions....
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 08, 2016, 11:24:01 PM
Tasha, thats what my mother said when I first told her years ago, made it out like her fault, wher did she go wrong!
Horibble way to turn it on yourself! Shes unfortunately one of the very religious kind though and will be hard to have change :/
What you said is on on point too, no need to be a dick just because they can't get ther heads round it!
Its easy enough to learn aboutif they want to try, they just take stance against it because of ther own bigoted ways. More than half the time they cannot be slavaged!
Sad :'(
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 09, 2016, 02:47:25 AM
Lol... I told my mom about the surface of my then new-found feelings because I didn't k of how far they went... and she went behind my back and told my sister, then went on to tell her how she didn't understand what she did wrong.... needless to say, she probably won't be much a part of my life anymore, even though I am business partners with her husband. And when he finds out the rest, I'm sure it will be when we are parting ways.... as for the rest, I am tolerant of a lot of things, considering how I feel about my gender I kind of have to  e not to be a hypocrite, but I have NO tolerance for INTOLERANCE.....

Night girls!!
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 09, 2016, 09:50:19 PM
Hang in there Tasha


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Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 09, 2016, 10:19:28 PM
Oh, I will. That was a while ago anyway... it has just been a few hard days. Going through all this, which is getting better and worse at the same time and then I decided to go cold turkey from a pack of cigarettes a day.... well now I'm back up to about 3 or 4 cigarettes a day and am going to ween off from there, and I went to visit some in-laws this weekend and noticed that I am becoming sullen and depressed when I have to go more than 24 hours without getting at least kinda dolled up, just had some intense feelings welling for a bit. I truly am at a loss as to how to continue though. On one hand I want to just come out to everyone already, on the other I can't afford to jeopardize my family (wife and kids) livelihood and stability to do it. Well, I guess it'll work itself out.... thanks for the support ladies, hope all KS going well for you!!!

Talk to you soon!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 09, 2016, 11:56:34 PM
Well best of luck. I took today off so I can unpack from my move into my apartment. Finally out of the hotel. Had to be in male mode all day but now I am back in my nightie. Feels so much better. :)


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Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 10, 2016, 01:41:41 AM
Hi Hi
  My heart goes out to you girls. I whole heartedly agree tasha, even if people don't understand or fully accept THEY can do something about it. there is good scientific information out there and it doesn't take much to learn more. There is no good reason to make our lives more difficult as we have enough to deal with. I, once again, was pleasantly surprised today. My aunt and uncle moved a little while ago and had their house warming party today. I'm so used to being Sarah I didn't even think about who was going to be there. So, my grandma was there and I hadn't told her. She is an old school roman catholic so I was expecting her initial reaction to not be very good. But I figured she would still be accepting, she has two gay sons. Anyway, so when I went to talk to her about it she was just like yeah I just thought that He (me) is becoming a she. Like it was no big deal. I still have many family members that don't know but they are slowing finding out and it's still going well. I wish my experience was the norm and it saddens me greatly that you girl are having such a tough time with people.

there was some discussion a little ways back about electrolysis and scarring etc. I can only relate my experience over the last 5+ months and my thoughts on it. i've had some scabbing at sort of random time even weeks after I've had electrolysis. they healed up fine and I don't have any signs of scarring. I would guess that if you picked at the scabs and such you could cause some scarring. they have also been bad enough that they've kept me from shaving for fear of cutting them off with a razor. I use lots of aloe based moisturizer the day of and my usual moisturizers after that. i don't like the smell of witch hazel so I stay away from it but i'm told it works very well. I also get these white spots where my skins almost looks like a blister. sometime just small little spots but sometime large areas as well. I've learned to make sure they stop working around those areas if they appear. then they return to normal in a few day or so. For pain I've found that if I'm not well rested in tends to hurt more and also if I tense up. so I try to get a good nights rest the night before and to stay relaxed during.  Also right when they are going to to the insertion and treatment I put all my attention on my breathing to keep me from thinking of what they are doing. All that plus I think i'm getting used to it I find it to not be too painful, for the most part. uppper lip and around the mouth is a sensitive area so it hurts a little more. Any questions feel free to ask.

My work schedule has changed and its thrown my routine all out of whack. still trying to get things back to some sort of normal. Take care girls stay strong.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 10, 2016, 02:40:30 AM
Thank you Sarah, I'm having more of a hard time with myself... my wife agrees about how these people will react, and she agrees with the dangers involved, it's not just my paranoia, it's truly a risk that is not yet worth taking. The problem is that Tasha is really taking over now, my wife is almost done mourning Taj even, because I an still me, just small differences, superficial. I don't know how to move one, and as great as you all are, I know that you can't give me MY answer, so I've got to find a way to start figuring it out. Life will work out and I know it, it's just one of those rock/bard place times for me.

I am really nappy for you Sarah, I can't wait till I vet there, as I know I will. I probably just have to vet past my own barrier and find a way to make peace with my situation while I transition , but, I will get there. You all are wonderful, and thank you for being here!!!

Love,

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 11, 2016, 03:32:50 PM
Just found out my wife has outed me to just about all our friends. I guess I will have to find new friends. Irritates me that she felt she could do that. This is supposed to be my secret to tell. This week was going pretty well until this hit me. Crap.


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Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 11, 2016, 05:52:03 PM
WOW Jenny, I don't think that was ok for your wife to do at all. i once went on a whole tirade at a support meeting that it wasn't anybody else's place to out me. that it was my story to tell etc etc. Luckily I haven't encountered that so i can't fully understand what you're going through.

Tasha, I kind of know what you mean about it taking over. earlier on in all this when I was being Sarah most of the time, but not all the time, I was having a harder and harder time of it. it would really effect me when I had to stop being myself (Sarah) I know you will find your way through this. we are all here to support you in any way we can.

Some exciting news I got my appointment for the endocrinologist scheduled for June 9. looks like I'll be ahead of you by about a month Christine.  Still pretty close together though. i can't wait to Share stories and experiences with you as hormones work their magic on us. I also know what you mean about having kids and it was interesting hearing your experience. I'm scheduled to go to a fertility clinic in another city (2.5 hours away) on Monday. Although I may have to try and reschedule that. I took my car in a couple days ago to get some things checked out... well, the estimate hit $1800.00 and they didn't even bother looking at the last couple of things. My Uncle's a mechanic and he agreed to do a few of the things for me... but it may not be done in time for me to drive down.  Arggg cars are nice to have but they can be such a headache too.

take care girls
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 11, 2016, 09:14:42 PM
Congratulations on your appt. Sarah!! I am happy for you, it is nice to see some good news and hear positive stories, it gives us all hope that we can all get to where we want to go!! Can't wait to hear about your progress, and good luck with the car.... lol....

But damn!!! I am sorry to hear that Jenny, I think I might lose my mind for a bit if that happened. I agree with the fact that it was wrong and should not have happened in any universe, but I am curious how long they've known, and if they don't treat you any differently, maybe it's okay to keep these friends? Don't get me wrong, I am angry for you cause as you put it, it's your secret, your story to tell. I told my wife about your original post and she was in shock, she only told one person and she was scared that would me mad, but it was like the only person that I would have been okay with, and she really needed someone to talk to about it. I really hope it works out for you and you wife learns to understand the impact of what she did.

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 11, 2016, 10:20:04 PM
Yep. It sucks. She said some were ok with it but others were not. Of course she didn't bother telling me which ones were not ok with it. She put it like "I told them you don't know if you want to be a boy or a girl and that was the main thing that destroyed her marriage."  I admit I don't know if I want to be a boy or a girl yet. However the though of transitioning makes me crazy thinking of it and the yearning is strong to go for it. Of course my biggest fear is my job and my parents and how that would go. I really hope time goes by quick until my next appointment with my gender specialist. By the way, I think I am going to go get fitted for a wig this weekend. I am thinking I want one that fits my age as well as my hair color. Probably not too long either. Maybe even with some grey in it. Not sure though. Oh and last night I was dressed to the hilt while watching tv when my phone rang and I had to do some work on my laptop. I the. Realized my laptop was still out in the truck! So, just opened the front door and clip clipped out there in my heels and short dress and went and got it. Luckily nobody was out there at the time. I now live in a large apartment complex. Getting back to the outing my wife did, I guess at least the news is out there so it won't be a surprise to them if I do transition.


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Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 11, 2016, 11:14:13 PM
 That is great!! I used to get dressed up and not be willing to step out the door as well. After a while I did the same thing you did, and even started to go to my closest big town in heels, from there it wasn't long till I started venturing out in more, and when I got my wig I went out as Tasha and now do it regularly. I have yet to be recognized in my hometown and TOTALLY pass, I've been hit on (awkward) and complimented by other women on outfits hair and makeup. It may take some time, but when you get there it feels wonderful!!

On the other note, is this ex-wife or soon to be? That makes it even worse that she she did it...

Is your wife supportive? Or is she being hurtful on purpose? Well, I hope everything goes okay, and great job on your big step venturing into the world!!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 11, 2016, 11:41:19 PM
Wow, I'm sorry to hear your wife did that to you Jenny , its not fair, its so point blank too when your still just trying to figure this all out for yourself, I have my GF well warned!
I know she wants to tell her sister because she is so LGBT suportive its not even funny, but I can't let her, I am not ready for it to spread!
Oh Sarah, do let me know how you get on, don't let my story get you feeling weird about it! :')
And thats great news, congrats on that! You be my one month older sister :3
I started my 2 month count down yesterday! Excited!
Has any of you girls been counting your messurements?
I'v had some serious changes on natural Herbal HRT, I couldn't wait so start, so I took something!
I may post up the differences latter!
Its a mix of diet and herbs really!
Good going on going out like that Jenny, its so exzilirating the frist time!
I still only been out once, I get so paranoid :/
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 11, 2016, 11:57:23 PM
Well I didn't have much of a choice. I needed my laptop and I didn't feel like changing just to do that. I will probably have to tell my neighbor at some point. She is bound to see me at some point.

Wife is still soon to be x wife. Divorce won't be final until at least October.

Christine, I would love to hear more about these herbs and diet you are doing. Not sure if the site will allow details though. I am currently trying to lose weight. My thought is it is better to do it now with T in my system before I go on HRT. I have been going in the wrong direction though recently.

I actually drive to my gender therapist appointment the other day in Jenny mode. I had makeup on, a nice blouse and pants that went down to my shins with hose and heels. I thought I would meet my therapist as Jenny the first time I met her. My next appointment is not until the 25th. Oh, I want to go see her bad!  She is so intuitive to my situation. It is invigorating just talking to her. If I get a wig this weekend I am thinking of going to my group session at the GIC dressed as Jenny. Probably will wear the same outfit I wore to my therapist appointment. The wig will make the image much better since I have very thinning hair on top of my head. Well it's so fun talking with you girls. Thanks for all your support.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 12, 2016, 01:40:04 AM
Well I am sorry to hear about that, so she was probably just being flippant about it, which says a lot about her. It's too bad she has to make a hard situation harder... we're all here for you Jenny!!

Christine, the funny thing is I am not trying anything, and I swear that my body fat is redistributing all on its own. Maybe I can get a fb page made up soon so you can message me about the natural stuff since I don't know if it's okay on this site.

Stay strong ladies, it gets easier every time you go out!! By the second and third time I went for it I almost forgot I was doing something unconventional, and now when I go out in man mode, I find myself having to remember not to go into the women's restroom... I feel much better about myself, it doesn't feel like a "dark secret" anymore since I am not hidden away all the time. The first time I went out in the daylight into a store felt sooo wonderful!!! At the end of that day, I was giggly and when I contemplated why I was so happy I found that it seemed like the only time I ever dressed up I stayed in the house, or only went outside at night, so it gave a whole new feeling to it all. It makes it seem REAL, like, this is really who I am, I am not just some guy pretending, or being weird, I am a woman, and I can live my life thus way. Don't get me wrong, the logistics can be tough, and it could take a while to do it, but, it feels real now.

Sorry about the rant there, I just wanted to express bow good it feels and encourage you all to conquer some of the fear. Every little step feels great!! Well I'm ready for my beauty sleep.... lol... thanks for being here, I never could have gotten as far as I have without you!!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 12, 2016, 06:14:12 AM
Oh Tasha, those were so good words!  They hit home for me too!  I hope I can get where you are today sometime myself. Thanks again for the support. I really think the separation from my wife is for the best even aside from those things. I just feel so much more free and my own boss. Of course I would never be able to leave my toes painted, we wear women's panties 24/7, or wear wonderful nighties every night when I go to bed. It makes me feel so good. As I have said before, it doesn't seem sexual to wear them, it just feels right. That's why I don't think I am just a cross dresser and more likely transgender. Of course, if I actually transition, time will only tell. However I think as each day goes by, I am closer to that step (or leap)!

I love you girls. Talk to you soon.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 12, 2016, 01:03:24 PM
morning girls,
   worked on my car with my uncle last night... not as bad as i thought it would be. got a couple hours more tonight and she should be good.  ;D phew I was really worried there are so many expense in transitioning a new car is not in the budget now. So, going to the fertility clinic next week shouldn't be a problem. Christine I liked hearing your story. I'm just a little nervous about going into the room and having to do my business.. i think it'll be alll weird and awkward.

Jenny congrats on going out all dressed up. For me everything has just been little steps but eventually all those little steps add up to a big step. I can share the feeling of not wanting to change. there were so many times, earlier on, that I would have to do something and I was like "oh, maybe I should change." but I really didn't want to so I wouldn't. I'm a movie junkie so in those first few months I would go out mostly in male mode but with my breast forms on. I wouldn't take my jacket off until I was seated in the theater. i figured in a dark theater  people wouldn't really notice. Eventually I got so comfortable doing that I went a little further... and then a little further. it really helped meeting people that were helpful and supportive.

When I bought my first pair of women shoes, a pair of knee high boots, I got home and it had snowed a bit soo I had to shovel the driveway. I was soo excited about the boots and everything I put on, what I call, my hoochie dress. 'cause it's a little short and has a tendancy to slide up. went out in my boots, dress and winter jacket and shoveled the snow. There was a guy walking his dog and he sseen me when I went and got into my car to move it into the drive way. he just stared down my drive way at me in my car as he walked past. which I thought was funny.

oh, on another note going back to my comment about going out "mostly in male mode." I only have one mode now, I'm a women. that is how I identify myself. So, it doesn't matter to me if I'm just wearing jeans and a t-shirt I'm still a women. I always identify myself as Sarah. I haven't had to yet but if for some reason I did I would identify myself, secondly, formerly Marcus. Alt his time I've never really struggled with if this is right for me. I always knew inside that it was. As much as I tried to go slow and contemplate if it was I almost couldn't. "cause no mater what thought I had about it I also knew that my outward expression wouldn't stop being female. I'm most excited about the feminizing effects on my face from HRT. I just can't wait for it.  ;D

take care I hope you girls have a great day
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 12, 2016, 03:03:32 PM
Yes girls make facebook pages, i made on a while back but have only one friend -___- duuud
I can then let use know what I'm at,I think its working anyway, well by my statistics it is
Me and my GF wer so shocked we thought we had to be messuring it wrong but all the stats had changed abit, and all in the right directions too, so it can't be wrong, but I can't understand!
Oh you can give us your version of it now next week the Sarah, its pretty funny, what creeped me out most was having to take blood for std checks ha!
Iv only ever been with 1, person and my GF has only ever been with me.
What us up with your car?
I never miss the excuse to buy a new car, course they are never "new"
I'm addicted to cars, i wonder will transitioning deminish that, I hope not!
Out shoveling snow like that :') thats daring!, he was hoping you pushed that dress to the limit :') catch a glimpse of the goodies! :')
I always just felt female, like I feel likeceven physical I'm female anyway, I just need my hormone problem rectified!
I haven't been confident enough to wear panties or nighties as you say Jenny, I duno i think my beard realy puts me of! :/
Its sparse but still makes me feel like crap :/
Anyhow I'm off to bed! I'v my first meeting with the electrologist tomoro evening,
Goodnight or day my dears, which ever the case may be,
Love, Christine
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 12, 2016, 03:19:57 PM
Good luck on your appointment!  I can get away with it since I live alone. :)


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Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 12, 2016, 03:54:00 PM
I was so slow at accepting it, that I went to bed in nighties with my wife looking like mountain man Jim.... lol.... don't let the beard put you off, you'll find a way to deal with it soon enough, I'll talk you you all later, still at work and have lots to get done!!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 12, 2016, 11:41:34 PM
I guess I should clarify that I looked like mountain man Jim with a nightie on,  my wife never said anything about it, but as most of you know, she is still kind of mourning the lost of my beard... lol... I always had an issue with the incongruancy of it all, but she always made me feel better about it. Just do what you like, and what you are comfortable with.  Panties are tricky at first, I had a hard time adjusting my "stuff" to fit in there so I ended up buying them too big for a while. But after a while I figured it out, it helps if you push your testicles into your inguinal canal, which in itself is tricky too....


Anyway, movie night with the family, love you girls, have a great night!!!


Tasha
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 13, 2016, 02:26:31 AM
Hi girls,
I couldn't get to sleep so thought I would come on and write a few things. Christine, my car had some suspension issues. I took it in to get it checked out and They came back with a whole list of stuff to do but when my uncle looked at it there were really only a few things that HAD to be done. Just got to get new tires and a wheel alignment and she will be a happy girl just like me.  ;D that should happen tomorrow.

As I mentioned earlier I have a Sarah (*&^ facebook and it is the only one I have now. If any of your girls want to add me just send me a private message and we can work it out. 

I have one nightie that I bought but I normally sleep in my birthday suit so it's a little weird sleeping in anything. I have some panties they are all a boy short style. Which is a style I have alway liked even long before I had any thoughts about being a women. though it was more when I saw a women in a bathing suit like that then panties. Something about about the skin being covered but still being able to see all the curves that I find incredibly sexy. Most of the time I've been wearing hip enhancers so that's been my underwear. the weather is getting warmer here though and it can get rather warm with them on so I'm not wearing them as much.

it's funny features I liked on a woman before I would KILL to have now. which is really just hips and breasts haha. and a cute bum but I already got that one covered. it's weird I notice those things on women soooo much more now. I think I'm obsessed about them now. I've often wondered if it'll subside as I physically transition. i guess only time will tell. goodnight girls time for me to try and get my beauty rest.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 14, 2016, 04:46:40 AM
Oh well its not so bad then, shouldn't be to hard to get her aligned!
Ok here goes my story on Electrolysis lol
I had it booked for 5 my first consultation, now I work till 3:45 on fridays so I was a little tight to get clean and to get to Geneva, I'm half an hour away but trafic is always brutal.
I had an entire day of racing to make sure I would finish on time wine here ther and everywhere, anyway safe to say I broke a sweat, but finished on time raced home got a 5 second shower, never even had time to brush out my hair and it has gotten long now, acctually must attach a pic of it to let use girls see!
Anyway we set of at 10 to 4, ther is so much traffic in Geneva that I get to my appointement at 10 past 5 :/ disasterous town for traffic!
They didn't mind and we talked about lasser... yes lasser she said it would take forever to do a beard with electrolsys, and that its much quicker done with lasser first and then electrolsys to clean up the persistant buggers that just want to be a pain, and she couldn't even test me as I had seen the sun in the past two months! And I would need to wait atleast another month and see no sun atall, so now with harvest starting here at the end of August early September she says its best coming back in October. Well ther you have it, I will stay hairy for another 5 months!
She was really nice though, let me know everything I needed to know, and was great about the whole trans thing!
Anyway we finished up and I will book my appointment for October!
On my way home when I got on the highway ther car has a sudden loss of power, lucky I got pulled over, I had to get pulled to the nearest garage, lucky I think its just my distributor that is shot! And even luckier I have a second car to enjoy this long weekend!
Anyway im alive and thats what matter ha, I'd been on cloud 9 for a while now, it was only a matter of time before something gave in, lucky it was just the distributor of my cloud haha
Anyhow here is a pic of my hair and my measurements
Must get those facebooks for sure too
(https://imgur.com/Ms7ykL2)
(https://imgur.com/Vb662RT)
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 14, 2016, 03:48:22 PM
got my car driving like new again. YAY!  ;D

exciting you finally went for electrolysis christine. yeah I was told on my last visit that they wouldn't do it if I was   tanned. but at least you know what to do and everything so that must be pretty exciting.

nice to know I'm not the only one having car problems.  ;) cars can be fixed so it's not the end of the world though.

i'm jealous your hair is that long. I'm still trying to grow the side longer and I'm keeping the back short so it doesn't look funny. it'll be a while yet before my hair is that long. As all this is still pretty new I can console myself with the fact that I will get there. still wish things would go faster though. those are some great changes in measurements. the only thing I'm trying to do is lose some belly fat but it just won't go away.

I'm a little concerned about losing muscle mass when I start HRT as I'm not overly muscular as it is.  So, I've been working out and doing yoga to keep things toned. also been doing some cardio but I think I need to do more for me to lose the fat. take care. I'm off to do my cardio now.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 14, 2016, 05:32:49 PM
Quite an ordeal with the car trouble for you both.

Shame about the delay to electrolysis. Can still start on laser though while tanned, I think.

Hair is defo the slowest thing to work on. Even considering biotin just in case it does really do anything.

If you find the answer to belly fat feel free to share it's the only wee bit left but the other changes let me handle it for now.

Muscle mass hasn't really changed much but there is more definition and maybe slight reduction, massive loss in power though. Whether that's from diet, exercise or hormones though is anyone's guess. Can't do aerobics with anything heavier than 4kg now and actually struggle to carry my kids but last year could have thrown them all on my back and the wife no bother.

Slightly concerning from a defence standpoint not having access to my freaky strength any more but also a relief as it makes me feel less like a machine. Funny having to fess up to boss the week before I came out at work that I couldn't even lift a filing cabinet solo anymore for delivery (and it was even empty lol).

Movement though is totally different experience my muscles do feel as though they have been rewritten and work a lot better feeling natural as I move, swing around and even dance a  bit when not thinking.

Does leave you feeling a lot more vulnerable though but if been dumping strength for a while you'll probably be used to it.

Personally still trying to lose a bit of leg muscle by stopping treadmill but might be a bad idea. Muscle hard to lose as the body will usually try to maintain whatever you use. Need to add something to make sure I still have at least 2 exercise sessions a week. Maybe back to pilates.

To get the body of a fit female I need only do what they do and the body will adapt. I copy the gorgeous girl in my class and just pray for half her looks someday.

T count going amazing 0 free T and total under 0.5nmol/L probably 0 too so hoping that means muscle changes should now be a 1 way trip.
Title: Re: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 14, 2016, 11:58:55 PM
Wow. What a day. I spent most of the day today as Jenny out and about. I had my support group meeting tonight as well as a clothing swap at the Gender Identity Center (GIC) this afternoon. I wanted to dress for the occasion so I put on my outfit that I wore to my therapy meeting (hose, heels, pants, and blouse), walked out of my townhouse, got in my truck and drove away to the meetings. Of course it is a safe environment at the GIC so that wasn't an issue but I had to get there first!  I also went out with another trans-woman from the meeting for dinner. Of course then had to drive home as well. No big deal. Nobody cared a bit. I am sure there will be difficult times but today was great!  What an exhilarating experience it was!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 15, 2016, 12:45:48 AM
Aw thats good you got her sorted Sarah, and yes atleast now I know to avoid the sun like the plague from September on! It will be tough for me to do :/
My hair grows very fast, I had cut it up short last year, the boss asked me too :@ he wanted me to do a bit of sales work maybe, but that never happened and I will never cut it again either!
You know Sarah, best thing to do with belly fat I think, is probably to go joging, maybe give the odd sprint when you feel up to it. I think its the cardio, and maybe even the vibrations through your body that cause that type of fat to be lost!
I too have been conserned about the loss of strength, my work does require quiet abit of strength and stamina, though I don't mind if I can't keep up I will go elsewhere, thers none in that place comes even close to me, so even If I was cut in half I would still haul more ass, lol, they love me down ther, As regards work ethic they won't get better so I hope to not be fired when I come out, I'v given my all to that place.

Jerrica, I think the problem Isn't really the tan, I think it even though the redness of sun heated skin stays that way much longer under the surface, they obviously are aiminging for the best results and no risk of marks. I don't mind as the fear of marks really scares me. :S
Ha thats funny to about lifting the kids and wife, maybe they got bigger since last year?, probably is the muscle loss, and what you said is a very good point none of us have mentioned here before, seld defense!, what are we gona do about it?
I think I might take some clases, even boxing is great for that, strength, knowing how to hit if needs be, serious excercise, and confidence too, my brother used to box, he was really good, he was so fit and strong when he was ther, a serious hard hitter!
Definitly something we should think about anyway!
But anyway,... give me your hormones Jerrica D:
You have like no T atall!
And Jenny thats great about getting to go to your meeting feeling rhe way you should, I can't really talk, as I'v only done it once, but I was wistled at three times just to get to my therapist, that had my head in tge sky, gf was like "told you so" I thought I looked like crap, was such a rush to get ther, Geneva always is traffic!
How did you get on at dinner, ordering? How is your voice?
Still working on mine, but I think whistling n watnot would soon stop if they heard me :/
Its nice you did that though, happy for you!

Love you Girls, Christine
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 15, 2016, 07:36:01 AM
To be honest, I didn't worry about my voice. I am sure the knew exactly what I was. I don't pass at all. My beard still shows even though I shaved right before I left and I still have not gotten a wig yet so my male pattern baldness is right there in plain view. I guess I just decided I didn't care what they thought. I just felt good being a woman regardless of my image.  I am not really sure I will do much with my voice. There are cis women out there with every kind of voice imaginable. Low, medium, high ect. My voice is my voice and it someone doesn't like my voice that is their problem, not mine. I have another meeting to go to Tuesday night. Instead of pants, I am going to wear a skirt!!  [emoji2] I can't wait!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 15, 2016, 07:59:45 AM
Glad to hear about your day out Jenny must have been great to just be yourself and have fun.

Yeah fortunately this thread just reminded  to put sunscreen on so thank you <3

Wish I had your luck with fast hair Sarah.

For skin marks can't be too careful especially for face.

Hormones are all mine mine mine lol
Wish I could share but I can barely afford my own. Oh and they arrived yesterday a week earlier than expected so YAY. I really need to reorder earlier next time as I only had 18 days of life left!!!!!!!

Anyhoo defence stuff. I just give myself the same advice as my daughters. If you can run then run. If you can't run then go for the eyes they're the testicles of the face. Sorry just had to give the full quote lol. If you somehow need to attack such as to save someone else take them down fast or hit and run, again using the eyes if possible.

Voice is my major weakness but have been told it seems to changing a bit on it's own but we'll see. On list meantime for speech therapy.

Fantastic boost to be noticed appreciably must have made your day :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 15, 2016, 03:10:04 PM
that's great that you spent a day out as jenny, jenny. it's nice to know you had a good experience.

As for the voice you sound exactly like me when i was starting out. I wasn't worried that much about it although I knew I'd have to do something about it eventually for me to be passable. I just thought my voice is my voice and who cares what anyone else thinks. now that I'm living as a women full time I HATE my voice. I wish I could fly to Korea and have VFS tomorrow.

I'm not saying that you will feel the same but that was my experience. I think, in our transitioning, our own opinion is the only one that really matters. we're the one that have to be happy with things. I hope for myself and all of you, is that we're able to do everything and anything it takes for us to accomplish that.

I was wondering how long it would take for a moderator to do something about my thread. It was the longest introduction thread ever. haha took me a min to figure it out I was soo confused at first. So, my introduction is one page now and the rest was moved over to general discusions. which is really where it belong I just didn't want to go start a new thread.

we have talked a lot about hair removal before, which is a long grueling process. Christine got me thinking of growing hair out posting her pic. where are you girls at? for me, on the sides my hair is just getting to the bottom of my ears. I'm keeping the back cut off while the side catch up. they say hair grows about 1/2 an inch a month on average. mine grows faster then that although I'm not exactly how much. But even with fast growing hair it figure it'll be around the end of the year for me to have shoulder length hair. I have a long neck, I think I'm part giraffe. haha it's almost 5 inches (13cm) from my jaw to the top of my shoulders.

Jerrica, you are on hormone, I think. have you noticed any changes in how fast your hair grows? I wondered about that since hormones effect hair growth. 

take care girls.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 15, 2016, 04:26:22 PM
Yeah been on them for 3 months so far.

Hard to say about increase in growth. I'm always looking at how far left to go Vs how far I've come kinda thing but stopped cutting last August at about half an inch all over.

Hair length just now sounds pretty similar I can cover my ears and also have a rather long 5 inch neck, seriously I just measured it, (which got me teased in my youth as giraffeboy but now I like as it looks elegant and even a bit dainty as I love to tilt my head when asking questions or thinking etc. Funny how greatest weaknesses in youth become greatest strengths now like skinny, lack of body hair, trouble putting on muscle, running like a girl etc OMG so funny thinking about it all now with all those signs). Fringe just reaching eyebrows 3 inches and back long enough to curl against the collar of my jacket about 4 inches. Yeah that's definitely slow especially now I think about it as I don't cut it at all. E increased as of last week  so maybe that will help but no idea.

Just dying to get enough to pull back into a decent ponytail but probably be end of the year at best.

Ok now I've actually measured it I think im going to try speed it up. Time for a new diet program as old one probably slowed it down by not eating nearly enough to grow anything let alone hair.

Well looked after though dyed 4 weekly, washed and conditioned every 2 days.  You know the basic stuff.

Research time to design a hair and general growth diet next lol. Think I might be finished being anorexic now.  I'm skinny enough and have my own name it's time to grow stuff.

Glad you're here to help me think about things as I was just leaving my hair alone until now.

If you have any tips or tricks for hair please let me know as I'll be starting from scratch on this one.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 15, 2016, 07:56:37 PM
I'm a little jealous you're on hormones Jerrica but I'm only weeks away Yay!!! What changes have you seen so far? I've heard its  between 3 and 6 months that things really start to change. But it seems most women start to see changes before that.

Yeah I really want to have a pony tail or maybe even pig tails haha but that'll be sometime next year.

I don't have any tips on growing hair faster. I did some research and nothing I found was that credible. A healthy diet so your body has what it needs to make hair seems the best way. Not to mention all the other benefits of a healthy diet. As for healthy hair getting it trimmed every couple months to remove split ends is a good idea. Also doing a protein treatment can be good for damaged hair. Personally I just take a couple eggs, beat them, add some olive oil and coat my hair with it. I put on a shower cap so it doesn't get everywhere and leave it in for 20 - 30 min. Then wash it out.  My hair has never been softer.

On another use for olive oil... I was told by a women, with much harder nails then I, that soaking your nails in warm olive oil would make them harder. I've yet to try it though. I will do it when I get home later. Really want some decent claws but every time I get them to a decent length I break one. Grrr I've though about getting them done but it'll cost be a fortune getting them filled as they grow. So, I would prefer real nails.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 15, 2016, 08:24:13 PM
Yay Jenny!! That is wonderful! I am glad you had a void experience, I go out basically every weekend now as Tasha, maybe more, and so far it has  e'en hassle free, even when I show my ID everyone has been great, no visible surprise, and still friendly, so keep it up, it only feels better as you go. Makes it hard to not be yourself that much more.

I was pretty  confused about how the thread got moved too.... lol... we'll now that I know what's going on, I'll talk to you all soon!!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 15, 2016, 09:24:48 PM
My own reactions to hormones seem to be kinda unique and even extreme. Changes I literally could never have imagined. Things other people have been able to do all their lives but I just couldn't.  Within the first week I dreamt for the first time in over 3 decades and every night since then. My brain could finally function properly everything was somehow easier than ever. Within 3 months my emotions had been fully restored I could laugh and cry again so hard it hurts but in that way even the hurt feels good. I even care about people and love to talk with them when I'm smiling they smile back making us all happy. They have given me my life back as I am now alive after being dead for so long.

More normal changes gradually creep in I have grown small breasts. Never thought I wanted or needed them until I had them. Wasn't really paying attention just suddenly realised hey I have breasts. Now I wonder how I ever lived without them. My skeleton has unlocked like my spine has turned from a solid bar into a snake. My musculature has been rewritten making my movements less mechanical and almost musical. I love moving my body around and can even dance a bit now just from reacting to music. My waist which I had of course been working on with a waist trainer seems to be more defined and getting loads of exercise for the core from the dancing and bouncing. My cartwheels are getting better and my balance is superb love playing on beams or anything I can climb or walk along. I have so much time to make up for so I play every chance I get. My face is changing though it would be difficult to explain exactly how I definitely see myself a lot easier in the mirror even when tired like now.

Raw strength totally tanked I was always disproportionately strong but now I'm as weak as any other girl in the best possible way.

Psychologically my own identity now burns brightly within me and my fear of losing it all again now only rests with the scenario of losing my hormones which now my delivery arrived is not a problem for another 5 months. Once I eventually get onto the NHS path I should never have to worry about supply again.

So happy you have yours coming and really hope they give you everything you ever wanted and so much more.

Hair is going to be a long wait but so looking forward to it. My hair itself seems to be in great condition considering I only ever towel dry it then brush it out. Until I get split ends I'll avoid cutting but when the time comes I'll be asking to "take as little off as possible but I want it to scream girly to the world" so excited just thinking about it.

Use olive oil at the end of my own wee manicure. Leaves the nails so shiny and been told it is good for the nails and cuticles. I type a lot and fast so keeping them short for now.

Last thing particularly noticeable at the moment when I get tired I fall asleep. No more pulling all nighters if I can avoid them as I just can't handle it.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 16, 2016, 01:49:24 AM
Those are definitely some extreme reactions to the hormones. I've heard that there are usually changes in emotions. I can't wait to see what happens to me.

I understand the changes to the face... it's amazing i think. apparantly it's from the changes in fat distribution and changes to the skin. I look forward to that the most. It's exciting for me to hear that you are already seeing those changes after just a few months. I'm also excited about the breast growth. I'm used to wearing breast form all the time but for them to be real.... ohhhh so exciting.

it's interesting about the sleep too. sleep and I have a long running feud. it would be sooo great if it would help my sleep as well. oh soo many questions and no way to find out what the effects on me will be... arg I'm just going to ahve to wait and see.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 16, 2016, 08:30:49 AM
Yeah if it weren't for being me I'd probably have called BS on it as it did have such a massive impact on me. Best guess the brain itself has needed E since I started to grow up but obviously couldn't get it and even worse it was given T which was a total mismatch. Et voila one underfed mutated brain. Given the long time it took for damage to add up the recovery time is incredible. I hope to never find out but do wonder how quickly it would reverse if I stopped taking my hormones from an academic standpoint. ("No hormones = dead again" so no way I'll ever stop)

Looking back I can explain so much of my previous lives as I can now see all the missing and broken bits. Honestly amazed I managed to get a great wife and kids while I was that messed up.

Sleep has changed a lot now I can dream I used to just turn off and on but never really charged up. Now as long as I get enough of it I wake up feeling great even before the alarm or kids.

I really hope you have a great time with hormones. From your pic and posts you are already starting from a great place of being so alive and already pretty.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 16, 2016, 10:52:11 AM
Jerrica, I think it is so awesome you are having such positive results from being on E. Get that nasty T stuff out of your system! :)  I hope I can have similar results when I start on HRT. It just feels so right when I am in Jenny mode. Went to a crossdressers meeting and felt out of place. Went to the transitions meeting and felt completely at home. So many of those people were having the exact feelings I am having. It is so amazing when you find others that are so similar. Makes me say to myself "How did you know exactly what I was thinking?"  The weird thing is growing up I didn't really have feelings that I should be female but since I started dressing about a month and a half ago (I did however try on Mom's clothes and wish I was a girl at an early age) it is all I can think of and when I am at home alone, I am so much more comfortable as Jenny than as my male persona. Someone at my meeting said I probably just didn't know that I wanted to be female but in reality I am female and need to fix my body to reflect that!  It is just mind boggling. I was so happy when I went out as Jenny the other day. It is amazing. Again I am glad you are having such a good experience and I hope I can do the same someday.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 16, 2016, 08:28:45 PM
Yeah T really did mess me up way worse than alcohol ever did. Now I have neither in my body so yay :)

Always been drawn to girly stuff but as I started to grow with my T rising it was able to twist it all corrupting my desires and confusing me no end. The logic bit of my brain was able to protect me a bit through rule based constructs. But if I ever faced a situation I didn't have rules for I would freeze up not knowing what I was supposed to do like talking to people etc. Couldn't understand it at the time but did consider some form or retardation or autism as a possibility one way or another I knew I was broken and so did everyone else.

Hard to explain but best example is how kids behave in front of their friends Vs in front of parents. Which is the real them and which is fake?

I had to be fake 24/7 but as my T count rose and my emotions bled away it all seemed reasonable that I was just supposed to be that way.

I got lost as my constructs were considered to be me and I was just a weird voice in my head that wanted to be a girl. My desires still surfaced but were considered just to be sexual impulses which were indulged and enjoyed but it also served as another invalidation of my true self :(

When everything went dark in my mind leaving only me in my head it was amazing and terrifying all at once. My grip was very weak at first and I expected to be snuffed out again once my virtual fortress/prison came back online.

Whoa lady I'm starting to write a book here. Sorry about that I do love to talk now and might have got a bit too comfortable chatting there.

Short version I learned to manipulate my T level a bit and it helped a lot. Once I got my hormones though wow it was like "Let there be light!" kinda stuff.

Totally get the whole identifying with others. Even once I woke up it took a long time to work out who and what I was fetishist, autogynopheliac,  transvestite etc. In the end just like yourself the answer really was simple I was a girl all along.

Haven't actually met any other trans people since my return but have had several offers via friends recently. I appreciate their offers but now I know who and what I am (and have my meds) the world is really easy and life is great.

Do love talking to you girls though but wary of accidentally hijacking the thread or having people think "For the love of pink! Shut up and go away!"

Really enjoy hearing about your lives and admire you all for the fun things you do.

So happy when people manage to find themselves and decide to "allow" themselves to really live.

You are all amazing [emoji178]
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 16, 2016, 10:13:57 PM
I actually went on T a while back because my doctor found that my T levels were low. It threw me for a loop. It was like I was ingesting poison into my body. I recently was asked again by a doctor if I wanted to try T again and I told him no since I might be transitioning and T simply was not what I wanted. I haven't had the opportunity to see what E does to me yet but am anxious to see how it affects me.

I still have second thoughts thinking I am crazy for thinking I want to be a girl but the feelings keep coming back and every time I go to my GIC meetings it just amplifies the feelings even more. The meetings themselves are like E in a way for my brain. When I hear others talk about the same kinds of things I am thinking about it makes me so excited and it really makes me feel the transition is the way to go. I am just scared of how I will come out to my work and how that will go. If I didn't have to worry about coming out to other people and worry about being challenged for my true gender, I would be completely at ease about the decision. Wow. A couple of months ago, I was married and I had no thoughts of transitioning. It is amazing how my life is changed. Now I am living in my own apartment and am ready to find myself once and for all.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 16, 2016, 11:38:18 PM
Its a great think Hormones, we all can't wait, Jerrica your results so far sound amasing!
One thing I think we all have to remember is how we feel before the hormones, we can't forget it!
So many people panic when the feel great after they have started a few months and think they never needed it, and sometimes stop! Tgey come back once all the fears and dysphoria come back once T regains control!
We make the decision now based of how crap things are, and then you get your hormones and sit back and relax!
You can't worry about how great you feel, some do!
I know we are all coming up to hormones at fairly the same time, so we are here for each other which is great!
Less than two months for me, less than a month for Sarah, and you Jenny? Do you know?
I'm real tierd of waiting now though, but I just don't think about it.
I just hope it all goes well with work, that they are decent and accepting and that I don't get so weak I can't pull my weight! :/
Anyhow, have good day dolls!
I'm off to work! :')
Hugs, Christine
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 17, 2016, 12:07:01 AM
I am not sure when I will start. I have only seen my gender therapist once so far and have another appointment in the 25th. She said she knows an endo that might be able to help me but I need to work with the therapist some more before I go down the E road. I have been saying that I am not sure where I am headed but that E road looks fun to drive on. I am starting to yearn for it now I must admit. Again, every meeting I go to makes my yearning even greater. It just feels so right. It's an amazing feeling. Makes me emotional just thinking about it. Wow. I am not sure if I have ever really wanted something more. But it's such a huge decision and I have to be smart about it. Need more therapy first. Gotta figure it all out and truly find myself.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 17, 2016, 05:49:08 AM
Can defo see that happening for getting knocked through a loop my T level was below normal too and it did plenty of damage. I shudder to think what an increase would have done to me.

E was almost a blind gamble I'd read up as much as possible but got way more than I bargained for. If only I knew earlier..... think we've all had that thought lol

Your experience at the meetings sound great and the company of other like minded people can defo help on building confidence for being yourself. I enjoy hanging out here as I learn how to talk to others.

The loss of your family is tragic and I'm sorry to hear of the troubles you have had. When it comes to time we can only move forwards and we only have so much left. It is good that you have found yourself and the strength to simply live your own life.

In the end whatever you decide to do it will be your call as it should be. Nobody else has the right to say how we should live except us.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 17, 2016, 06:12:41 AM
Short of my wife and kids hormones are the easily the best decision I ever made and I'm delighted to share what little I can.

The feeling before hormones is horrible to think about. A lifetime of memories that aren't mine so many missed opportunities.

Wouldn't change a thing in my past though as the worst things always led to the best through the thinnest possible chances. Like exwifes sisters boyfriends friend (who is my 1 friend to this day) had a friend I moved in with after family exile whos girlfriend brought a friend home one night and....... that night I met my wonderful wife :)

True story but prevents mourning for the life I never got to have. Body now is the price I pay and I consider it a bargain. However, I'll do whatever I can to fix it now and keep my family.

If all goes well I may one day be living the dream.

Timing is fantastic for us being in the same time window. From your avatars you already look totally amazing (a wee bit jealous I'll admit but mainly blown away with how great you are looking) so would expect hormones to be very kind to you all.

I wouldn't expect you to have trouble being accepted by the world given your appearances. It may be a shallow world but I also appreciate prettiness though do not demand it of others.

As I understand it you can minimise strength loss just by using the muscles to maintain them. My own vanity pushed me to actively reduce my muscle mass. Pretty sure I could restore a lot of my strength if I really wanted to but I'm enjoying being weaker as it feels more me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 17, 2016, 11:42:18 PM
Another outing today to my GIC meeting. Dressed in heels, skirt and blouse (with padded bra underneath), I once again ventured out of my apartment to leave for the meeting. Upon starting up my truck, I realized I was almost out of gas!  Had to stop at the gas station in my heels and skirt to get some gas. That pump sure was slow!  Stopped it about half full. Made it to the meeting and back with no issues.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 17, 2016, 11:47:23 PM
Hey ladies,

Not wanting to change the subject, but I have finally set up a facebook, so if any of you have and want to connect, let me know through PM and we'll figure out how to do it. Mine is set pretty private due to the fact that I am friends with my wife and don't want her family or our mutual friends seeing it. Glad you are all doing so well, have a great night!!!

Tasha

PS,

Congratulations on another successful outing!!! It is definitely scary and everything seems to take forever the first few times!!! But I am happy for you and glad that you are taking steps moving forward!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 18, 2016, 01:34:47 AM
Great to hear about your outing and glad it all went well.

Still to sort those settings for FB but remember seeing something about what you said. Friends can see you but but not friends of friends. Does it work?

Would love to
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 18, 2016, 01:54:19 AM
From what I understand, friends can see your posts, anybody can see your main info/profile pic, and friends of friends can request you. But my original am page cannot see any posts on  my new page, and I am going to have to hope that my wife's family and or mutual friends don't put 2 and 2 together... (I used her last name with a similar sounding first name) but unless you accept a request, those people cannot see your profile. I just kept the profile pic a scenic from a vacation, and the last name is common enough that it could be a coincidence. I'll open my page up long enough that I can be requested if it makes anybody feel better... but we'd have to coordinate it....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 19, 2016, 03:00:11 AM
That's great Jenny. I'm happy to hear you are having good experiences going out. I know, for me, each time i went out it got a little easier. until it was becoming more of the time and now it's all of the time. I've yet to have a bad experience and have too many good experiences to count. it's so nice to be able to transition and not have to deal with a lot of crap. Not to say there isn't any crap but it could be worse. thank god to all the ladies that pioneered the way for us. I can't imagine and don't really want to, everything they had to go through.

Jerrica have you noticed a difference in the amount of body hair you have? And don't worry about hi-jacking the thread. I think it's a group thread and group discussion for us all to talk and share. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts, questions, knowledge and experience. I know it's helped me and that is what I want to get out of being here on Susan's.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 19, 2016, 06:27:26 AM
Thanks Sarah. I do worry a lot about pushing myself into people's lives enthusiasm is great as long as I don't become intrusive.

Body and facial hair I've never had anywhere near as much as "normal" people (so funny being upset about it and other anomalies when younger that I'm now truly grateful for) but still enough to make me feel like a wookie.

Body I'm shaving no more than once a week when before I couldn't handle any more than 2-3 days tops.

Face usually every 2nd day so I don't aggravate my skin too much. Going to be a hard week as I had my last shave on Tuesday (driving me nuts already) and need to survive until Monday before I get my next one due to electrolysis on Saturday (3h). I love having it done and look forward to it being finished forever but the week before it is very hard to take. Get tempted to ask her to just do it all until she falls over but the risk of damage wouldn't be worth it. I trust Gillian and know she'll go as fast as possible while preserving my face. (It might not be much but it's mine).

To ease the waiting I now eat junk at my lowest to cheer me up. Nothing quite like a feast with the family to forget about things for a while which has also kinda helped me break out of my anorexia a bit so I guess the feelings of being ugly have also had another plus point.

Back on topic body and facial hair growth have been slowing and is getting finer. Even developing clear bits. Whether credit goes to hormones or laser I don't really know but all progress is welcome.

Added a hair, skin and nail vitamin supplement to my daily pill popping. Worst they'll do is nothing so giving them a shot for 3 months. Shifting focus from body shape to hair as apart from SRS, trach and dental I'm becoming quite happy with my body. Hair I think will massively tip the balance for how I'm read so long as I keep my mouth shut.

Decided to investigate nail shaping as my nails have always grown ridiculously fast so going to finally get to try out longer nails.

Still no word on speech therapy and too scared to try anything in case I cause any damage to vocal chords etc. Despite it being impossible changes have been noted in my speech. My lower ranges are more uncomfortable, even painful to access (avoiding using to try deprogram their usage too) and when I get excited my voice goes higher. Even singing pony songs I'm getting a bit higher but only when I don't think about it. I think possibilities exist for my voice but like the face I'm terrified of breaking it.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 19, 2016, 08:23:28 PM
Got a new wig today and a makeover. Changed my profile picture. What do you think?


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 19, 2016, 09:03:21 PM
Beautiful Jenny!! Funny thing is that that is pretty simple to the last one I bought!! Lol.... the shorter ones are definitely easier to manage and keep nice. But you look great!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 19, 2016, 11:20:08 PM
Its really nice Jenny, the shorter wigs look much more real, and much more natural most of the time!
I'm lucky hair has alwas been long, its starting to come . Couple inhes below the shoulder now, but I put in extensions as you can see in my profile pic!
Watched for you eyes only, the last day, anything like the hair on the girl whos father is killed on the boat!
It is amasing, nobody does that grows their hair long and looks after it like that anymore, I'm gona try my best to get it that long! :)
Also Caroline Cosey is a little extra by the Swiming pool in the film, you just see her walk by :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 20, 2016, 12:19:25 AM
I guess I am confused. Does this wig look like one of the shorter ones?  I didn't like the real short ones. I liked this one since it is right at shoulder range. They also did my makeup (which I have taken off now). It was good to get someone to give me pointers on colors. My biggest unknown before was what color base works well for my skin. I bought some so now I have the code for the color.  I even got fake eyelashes. Those will take some practice putting on. She gave me lots of the glue. I have my son this weekend so I can't play with it again until Monday. Also, I have one closet in my bedroom that "belongs" to Jenny. I installed a lock on it so I can keep my dresses and stuff hanging but still private. My son is used to mom and dad locking certain closets since he has special needs and we lock stuff away for his safety. I am protecting him from meeting Jenny prematurely. :) He will meet her at some point but not yet.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 20, 2016, 01:01:42 AM
Hi Jenny, nice to finally see you. I agree with the other girls the shoulder length wig looks good. two of mine are considerable longer then that and they are such a hassle. I still love them but i don't wear them that often.

Jerrica I did read earlier that laser and electrolysis is more effective after hormones. I only saw that in one place so I don't know how credible it is. but I think it does make a little bit of sense as the hairs are finer and the skin thinner. It's great you are seeing such great results.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 20, 2016, 01:26:33 AM
Looking great Jenny almost tempted to get one myself.

Maybe put it on my someday list as you all seem to have wonderful results with wigs and extensions.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 20, 2016, 01:38:34 AM
Oh my god makeup is hard!!!! But by shorter meant shoulder..... mine is shoulder length in the front, and shorter in the back. But the other two I have I bought special combs for and they still frayed at the ends when combed out. Those ones were about midway between shoulder and back. I am trying real hard to grow natural hair out, and my wife dyed it for me a cool red color, and I don't know if you've read but I work in construction, I am a general contractor in a town where I have to cater to conservative and I have been to work with painted nails for a week straight now, and have had both noticed.... I am super nervous but haven't had any repercussions yet....

Sorry, a little off topic but real excited and a little buzzed.... talk to you soon!!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 20, 2016, 03:12:00 AM
Fantastic Tasha. So much fun and amazing just how far you can push things without being called on it lol.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 20, 2016, 05:57:52 AM
Don't get me wrong, I've been called out, but I blame the nails on my daughter, and the hair on a whim.... but, I can't do it much longer, and when it comes down to it, I could totally get run out of po-dunk f*Co where I live.... but I am just gonna have to deal with it right??

BTW, my fb profile is under Tasha Lundy for anyone who wants to look it up, and I'll make it less private for a while we get hooked up.... easier to share pics and stuff....

But I do feel guilty about lying about the season I do things....

Well, bed time ladies, good night!!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 20, 2016, 11:51:04 AM
My own FB is public but happy to share I'm under Jerrica Someday although I probably should change that to Jerrica Now lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 20, 2016, 12:03:46 PM
I like that.  Mind if I use that too?  The someday part that is. :) I set up an account too but it is locked down. Once I add you as a friend others that are your friends will be able to find me.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 20, 2016, 12:10:19 PM
By all means thought it kinda summed me up nicely at the time.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 20, 2016, 12:15:44 PM
I am a bit (totally) phobic about using photos online or leaving breadcrumbs that lead back to my real world. If I can think of something secure that I can share through I might put up a few at some point.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 20, 2016, 12:26:34 PM
Do you think I should remove my pic from fb?


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 20, 2016, 12:37:32 PM
The fb thing scares me. It comes up with people I may know but those people are not people I am out to. If it is showing them as people I may know, does that mean they see me as someone they may know? I think I have it pretty much locked down to friends and friends of friends but I am still unsure. I don't want the people I am not out to to find that fb profile. What do you think?


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 20, 2016, 12:56:25 PM
hi girls,
  Well, it looks like we are all connecting on facebook. I think that's great adds a more personal element to knowing each other.

Jenny, your FB pic, really depends on how public you want to be. Which also depends on your privacy settings. you can make your settings totally private so only friends can see you and no one can find you. As with everything do whatever YOU are comfortable with. facebook uses people in your address book and conacts on your phone, if you're using your phone to conect, to come up with people you may know. if you settings allow friends of friends to see/find you then as long as none of your FB friends is friends with no one you don't want to see then you should be ok.

Tasha, it's nice your going out with some of Tasha in place. it's a good way to see people reactions but also just to let them see you like that. then it won't be such a shock if you do come out as Tasha. I know what you mean about lying, for me just wearing wigs is a bit of a lie. I just feel, when i wear a wig, that i'm being fake. Which is part of the reason I dont wear wigs as often. I just naturally want to be me. However, it's a gentle way for people to be introduced to Tasha and your comfort and safety is most important. If that's what you are comfortable with then I think it's fine.

I also feel your pain about make up. i need to practice more so I get good at it. but it's tough doing it on my own 'cause I don't know where I could be doing it differently to make it easier or the results better. I'll get there eventually though.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 20, 2016, 07:56:13 PM
Thank you for inviting me to FB.

I didn't have the guts to send friend requests but glad to see you there ♡

It's nice and fun to share in parts of your lives despite the massive distances between us.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 20, 2016, 08:25:33 PM
Yes. It is amazing. We have Ireland, Scotland, Canada and me in the US of A. Should be fun.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 20, 2016, 10:54:53 PM
The thing is, your profile pic is public, always. That is why my profile pic isn't of me.... but your albums can be set to private, or friends only, that will save some hassle. And if your phone number is registered, then people that have your number may have you suggested as a friend.... so I didn't register my number on that account....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 20, 2016, 11:10:43 PM
I am lucky Sarah, my wife Yoda-d me on makeup, I still need help with concealer and foundation shades as mine changes drastically in the sunny months and again into the cloudy ones, but I am pretty talented at hiding up to 24 hr stubble..... lol...

And so far not recognized, the only time I worry about it is in my area, when I drive in to the city I'm super comfortable being Tasha... probably because I AM Tasha...

Thanks to all adding me on facebook, it's nice to be able to share photos and see all of yours!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 20, 2016, 11:35:04 PM
Yikes. Better remove that!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 20, 2016, 11:35:18 PM
Already removed phone number


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 20, 2016, 11:39:15 PM
Lol, ya, I didn't think about that till 10 minutes before I posted, that could have been scary....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 20, 2016, 11:42:50 PM
Indeed. Mainly since I just started getting more active on my normal account too. Nobody needs to know Jenny there yet


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 20, 2016, 11:44:10 PM
Funny thing is my Jenny picture really doesn't look like the other me. Wig does wonders


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 21, 2016, 12:39:45 AM
Yes i would be very careful of leaving the dreaded bread crumbs of death D:
Thats why my pic is all cut up, and ther is no link to my other account, I don't think anyone could tell even if they seen it anyway,but I'm not taking that risk! :S
Any plans for the weekend girls?
Unfortunately roomates stayed here this weekend so I must continue hiding, I think I'll go for a drive :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 21, 2016, 01:46:39 AM
No big plans for me. i'm working 7 days a week now but I only work 6 hours a day. Next week we are going to waterton national park though http://mywaterton.ca/ (http://mywaterton.ca/) I love living near the mountains.

It's a long weekend here but the weather is miserable. it's been raining and it's supposed to continue all weekend. Which normally people would be complaining about but, come to think of it, it seems funny that I haven't heard anyone complain about the rain. Anyway, nobodies complaining for good reason. we have a lot of wild fires burning around the province I live in. including a massive fire about the size of the state of deleware, at the moment, burning out of control. it's forced the evacuation of a small city and put us under a province wide state of emergency. Come to think of it you might have seen a couple of my post about it on FB. Anyway, I'm off to watch a movie.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 21, 2016, 02:55:58 AM
I agree, my pics don't look like the old me either, but someone who knew me well could probably put 2 and 2 together, so ya, no bread crumbs for me either
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 21, 2016, 08:45:46 AM
My son and I are going to see the new Avengers movie today. Otherwise not much. He is good at helping me fix up the new place. Still several pictures to put up on the walls.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 22, 2016, 11:40:25 PM
That looks like a really cool spot Sarah! :)
Its funny though I heard nothing of those fires, in the rest of the world you hear nothing of Canada anyway!
Well I don't think you risk anything byyour pics on Facebook Tasha! So don't worry
I'v had an odd weekend, my mother is here, and I'v just been feeling like I should talk to her, though I simply can't!
I know she knows I still feel the way I do but I can't seem to bring the subject up again!
As she's here on Holidays till next Sunday I think I will just leave her be, ther is no point making this about me.
Feel very odd though
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 22, 2016, 11:59:34 PM
Have courage Christine. You will probably feel better once you get it over with. I am in the same boat. I need to tell my family as well. My sister and niece cut hat for a living and I expect if they are at any future gatherings they will want to give me a free haircut but I am actually trying to grow it longer. However, not really sure I should anyway since my natural hair is very thin on top so would never pass for female. I imagine it would be easier to wear my wig with shorter hair. Oh well, I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Take care.

Jenny

Oh, I love Jenny so much!  I am so happy when I see her in the mirror! I wish she could be around more often!  She is so much happier than that guy that is usually is in the mirror.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 23, 2016, 01:20:39 AM
I feel your pain Christine, there are a few people I need to tell Josh to get it over with, and they are close enough to me that every day I don't tell them is another day they may catch me. I did however tell my best (only friend besides you girls) last night. It went exactly how I thought it would.... he was accepting and surprised, and really helped me to feel a little better about it.

As far as the pics on fb, I'm not too worried, as long as I don't use one as a profile pic. Maybe someday....

Jenny, I totally agree about shirt hair making it easier to wear a wig, but I am trying to grow my hair out, and I am really glad that my wife is genius with this stuff and can help me figure out how to tuck more hair (gotta be easier than tucking man parts lol).

Well ladies, I'll talk to you all tomorrow....

Tasha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 23, 2016, 03:40:30 AM
Relatives can be tricky.

Wife gave the nod to drop the bomb with her dad on Saturday. He was pretty shocked as he is old. Probably never expected to meet anyone trans let alone have a daughter in law through his daughter. Unfortunately we didn't have time for me fix him as he was going out but did manage to catch him for a few seconds to quickly read him (was worried about him).

Although it's a shock for him he is waiting for my wife's thoughts before he finalises his. As long as she is happy he'll be fine. He'll be whatever she needs him to be so may prove to be one of my strongest allies or opponent on my future with his daughter.

All I need now is for her to either give me the green light to go down for damage control or she'll have to talk to him herself.

Feel really bad for him but until wife gives permission I can't help him which really sucks as I know I can fix him in less than 30 mins easy.

Oh well we'll get there but people can be complicated....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 23, 2016, 03:42:37 AM
On cheerier news glad your best friend was accepting.

That is a massive weight off your shoulders.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 23, 2016, 10:18:38 AM
Fun update hot off the text message father and brother in law thought I was gay with all the changes - lol.

I said "Awesomeness I can work with that" as I don't care if people think I'm gay. To the contrary I kinda consider it a compliment.

Funnier is that I am actually gay as I'm a woman attracted to women but wouldn't expect them to understand that  bit yet ;)

He's pledged to support her no matter what she decides etc so all going as expected. (Unless she wants to split then kaboom)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 23, 2016, 10:20:43 AM
Awesome!  Congrats!  Yes, I suppose all of us are lesbians if we like women. Fine by me. I'm a lesbian. :)

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 23, 2016, 01:02:23 PM
I would take that as a compliment too Jerrica, it means they'v noticed your underlying feminity
But yes those old ones can be tough
I visited again tonight, I don't think I will bother talking about it this time anyway, I will feel much more confident on HRT I think/hope
That was great new about your friend Tasha! Very nice the suprise like that, that he was accepting!
Did you expect the contrary?
And Tasha tge pic with the glasses, you could never tell!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 23, 2016, 01:21:40 PM
Tasha, I was thinking the same thing about the pic with glasses. At first I thought maybe it was your GF. Seriously, it looks great!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 23, 2016, 01:26:01 PM
Thanks!!! It feels good to hear that from someone other than my wife!!! And I was doing some looking online, and we are all gynosexuals.... simply meaning we are attracted to females.... I like it better since I am in this transitioning state....

Thanks again ladies!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 23, 2016, 01:32:56 PM
 You know what would be cool?  Wouldn't it be fun if we could all meet somewhere in the world say in 5 years or when we all feel we have fully transitioned?  We should set a goal and time. No idea on where since we are scattered across the globe though. Wouldn't it be fun though?  Of course it will be a long time before I could comfortably travel, especially overseas.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 23, 2016, 01:51:23 PM
I'd do it now if I could afford it!!! Go meet you all I mean, I want to travel, but that would come with meeting everyone. What part of the states are you in? I'm lucky living in Oregon.... the leftist of the left coast states....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 23, 2016, 01:53:05 PM
I am in Denver. I occasionally go to Seattle for work. Maybe once or twice a year. Nothing planned right now though.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 23, 2016, 02:45:35 PM
Hi girls,
  that's great tasha. More support is always good so it's nice to hear your friend was accepting. You do look great in your pics too. it's too bad about your mom Christine it just makes things tougher.

Jerrica, it's funny about the gay thing... I've long made the joke that i was a lesbian trapped in a mans body. i didn't  think that was really the case though. haha

that's a great idea about meeting up Jenny. i'm not sure where a good place would be either but we can figure something out. So, where I live is straight north of Montana. i'm about an 8 hour drive from the u.s/Canada border

christine, I think the only place you would hear about the fire here is in business news if they were talking about oil. that's the heart of our oil industry and the fire has forced the shuttering of over a million barrels of oil production a day. it, along with a couple other supply disruption in the world is the reason why oil has been going up.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 23, 2016, 11:21:18 PM
One of those Religous ones, you know you ain't got a hope.
That is acctually an unreal Idea, 5 years time when things is all going good, we meet up for say a week or something, have to make a holiday of it being wherever we meet up its going to be far away from all of us!
Maybe somewher we can chill on the beach and catch a tan! :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 23, 2016, 11:26:14 PM
Aaaand, margaritas!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 23, 2016, 11:32:44 PM
I am definitely in!  But how do we determine the time and place?  Hawaii? Rio? French Riviera? We could hang out on the beach topless and drive the guys crazy!  Wait.  I would be really old by then.  Maybe not.  :)

Christmas, 2021?  New Years, 2022 New York City?

Jenny
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 23, 2016, 11:42:08 PM
Oh those are good idea, I'm not sure though we will discuss the location further! Would need to be summer time to maximize the heat! :')
Hawaii sounds pretty cool though again know nothing about it, or Jamaica!
This is reminding me of tge film love affair!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 24, 2016, 12:12:41 AM
Hehe. I looked it up.  Too funny. Jamaica sounds good. Never been there. I hear if you go off the tourist area it can get dangerous for a bunch of girls though. Don't really know though. No countries where transgenderism is illegal of course. Wouldn't want to end up in some dank prison. :) That would probably ruin the trip.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 24, 2016, 02:17:10 AM
Ah 5 years. Fun to imagine how we'll all be by then. I would like to think finally complete in every way.

Sunny trip sounds good I've always been a last minute gal though. Not so good with the plans but usually make things work at final moments somehow.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 24, 2016, 02:42:41 AM
look what you started jenny, hehe

when I first read it my first thought was of a cruise. maybe a trans Atlantic.... or Caribbean and do a little island hopping.

we talked about traveling at a meeting a while back and it was said basically anywhere they carry guns at the airports is usually not safe to travel to if your trans. Brazil isn't trans friendly so no rio. just reading online and Jamaica, barbados and the cayman islands aren't LBGQT friendly.

a tiny little island called Seba is, apparently, the only carribean islands that allows gay marriage and there are companies that specifically do  LBGQT tours and outings. there are a few other friendly islands. namely the french, dutch and american ones. we got lots of time to plan and figure out what to do and when exactly. but instead of 5 years how about 4 something about 2020 I like the sound of. Like we will all be seeing clearly by then. So i'm just throwing december 2020 out there. maybe christmas and new years??
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 24, 2016, 03:16:56 AM
Well, I'll have to look up the film.... but I have been wanting to meet you all for real once we started talking. I feel kind of lonely sometimes. And it always feels like a pipe dream to get to go meet. I actually feel like I'm I  a fishbowl because of the little amount that I have traveled. The rest of the world seems fake, you know, like a story to make you dream big, even though you can never really get there.....

Obviously a little down still.... work life is tough right now and my life just doesn't feel like its mine. Sorry, I don't want to change the mood here, just.... well I honestly hope we get to meet sometime.....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 24, 2016, 03:19:19 AM
Ahhhh!!! Meant to send that way earlier. . I hope I get to go with you all!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 24, 2016, 05:44:25 AM
Yea a cruise could be an idea, I'v never gone on one!
Oh we will see what comes up!
I can get off anytime thoughout the year so I shouldn't have a problem with that as long as I know in advance!
You should definitly travel if you can Tasha, even if its not the most expensive place, even in your own area, I drive everywhere!
Anyway I hope by 2020 we should be all well on our way, and the trans thing will be talk of the past! :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 24, 2016, 07:31:24 AM
Yes!  I like the cruise idea!  Now, Tasha, you are scaring me a little bit. You hang in there girl!  You can do it. I am really sorry you are going through some tough times right now. That's what we are here for. To help you get through it. If we do this trip, it has to be all of us. All for one, one for all!

Do you all skype? We could actually meet online now. And actually talk and see each other. That might be fun. Thoughts?


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 24, 2016, 08:31:28 AM
Something like ghat might work Jenny, although I do t have a Skype and am  beginning to lost track of account to and passwords as of right now. I g+ usually, they have hangouts, but not quite yet.

Sorry about all that yesterday was a particularly bad day, I just  red to get a few things figured out and move on... I always thought the trans thing would feel  bigger than problems that are trivial, but it is not so much a problem as a process now, so feeling some of my old triggers again. Intellectually, I know other places exist, but sometimes I feel like I'm in a computer program, and I am only given access to as much of the world as I need to exist..... hard to explain exactly, but believe me, I am itching to get away, almost just to prove to myself that the thought of being I  a computer program is crazy..... but really I would just like to experience other places.....

Don't let me run the conversation here, this will be the last I post about it here.... maybe on a different t thread.....

Thanks for your support ladies, we'll talk again soon!!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 24, 2016, 08:45:07 AM
Actually, that wont be the last time.  Remember, the main purpose for this was for support.  I know we are having fun but it is most important for us to stick together and support each other and if you are feeling down for whatever reason, you need to let us know so we can help you get through it.  These boards have been so helpful to me and meeting you girls has be a huge bonus.  I feel like I have made friends for life here.  I really do.  We are here for you girlfriend!

Jenny
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 24, 2016, 10:46:26 AM
Oh the Skype thing would be great if I had the confidence in myself to do it, my voice is terrible and im so embarassed by it, and sharring tge appartement makes it realy hard too :/
I know exactly what you mean Tasha, like when you start the day and ther ain't a being around, then people and cars suddenly spawn all around your path, but just beyond what you can see ther is still nothing, I get this feeling at times too, its just a mad thought really more than anything!
But don't worry too much about these sorts of things, it happens to the best of us!
We just gotta keep our heads high and move on :3
The amount of places wher we would not be safe is just really sad though :/
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 24, 2016, 11:23:51 AM
I really just don't want to change the subject here... I have another thread that seems more appropriate. I love having you all to talk to and will definitely take advantage of it whenever possible!!! This just feels like too positive a thread to start talking about depression and anxiety about things that seem  beyond my control, but in the grand scheme are not. It feels like I have been working hard my whole life to do the right thing and go somewhere, but I get punished and told I do not do enough and then I feel like I am stuck in life and will never go anywhere. If anyone has ever spent a month or two in jail, it's like that, the world exists outside the walls, but you can't get there. After a while, you begin to doubt it's existence. Once in a while, you get a small glimpse, and it's like getting out, you can't focus on anything far away, and it doesn't feel like you could get there if you tried.

Damnit, you got me rambling on here again..  we'll as long as you all don't mind....

Thanks for your support, it helps being able to talk about it at least....

And Christine, the voice thing, you don't have to worry around us.... I am pretty sure that my voice gave away thus morning while buying coffee.... wig, makeup, earrings, boobs.... and still referred to as sir..... but.... now at my wife's appt... the nurse said "that was nice of her to bring you here", to which my replied "well she kind of wants to be here with me, she is my wife".... so ya, out doing normal stuff today, and I was allowed to wake up, get ready as me, and go do "life things" as me today. We are all a little self conscious, but we have to suck it up if we want to live this way. The lucky thing is we have each other to practice  with.... then we can build Co defence BEFORE we suck it up.....

Anyway, thanks again ladies!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 24, 2016, 11:49:03 AM
Absolutely!  We are here for all of us and consider it a safe place to talk about ANYTHING. No judgement here ever. We are all going through the same things. Oh Christine, again, we are safe here and if we do the skype thing, please don't let the voice thing deter you. Regardless of pitch, I would love to hear your accent!  Love those European accents. Maybe you can get away from your room mates sometime. I would love the opportunity to hear and see you all live. Consider it practice. We could all practice our voices on each other without fear of judgement.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 24, 2016, 01:28:56 PM
Whoops my last post didn't post earlier oh well.

Cruise defo on my "someday" list but I rarely leave the city much less the country but someday who knows.

Sorry to hear about your troubles at work Tasha and hope everything works out ok in the end. Will try find your other thread soon as I am always intrigued in how others think especially considering the weirdness from my own head over the years.

Skype etc I don't do from terminal shyness. Even using FB as more than a diary is newish to me as is this forum. Didn't really do conversation much before this year. For now text based is my limit.

The program thing makes a lot of sense. Gerard was primarily a machine (construct) to interact with the world using a ridiculously complicated rule system to the point if presented with a situation I hadn't prepped/programed for he would basically freeze.

For myself it turned out to be a hardware issue instead of software as the brain was incompatible with the body. Hormones fixed my wiring and made me real instead of just a simulation. Too easy but true for me so happy to take it.

2020 sounds amazing just thinking I should be 100% me by then in every way body, hair, nails, face, trach, dental, laser, electro, voice & GRS all finished and just be able to go about my life as Jerrica doing anything I want to (like go swimming). FFS an option but laser guy says it shouldn't be necessary for me so here's hoping.

Good place to be in when everything is a process rather than a choice. Only real  choice is life or death the rest is just details.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 24, 2016, 10:33:53 PM
Well, one day away from work and I feel better, but am more angry about it all.... really sucks to be so stuck in a situation....

Had a nice day out with my wife though. Went all over town and comfortably interacted with many people, in daytime even!!! I don't feel so well about my appearance thus evening, which makes me question it this morning... but I had no problems, and it seemed like life as usual....

Gotta say thank you again for being here, and hope you all have a wonderful night!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 24, 2016, 11:25:04 PM
I wouldn't worry, too much about the not passing thing,
Especially since you have no hormones in you yet!
Even if you wer born natural girls but wher reared as men you would find it impossible to be girls too, its such a learn attitude persona that people have!
Its like tge gays look how fem some of them are, and ther voices too alot of the times? Thers nothing that says gay men had any less testosterone, its mostly just learned manerisims!
We will get there with patience and time!
Being in the very physical line of work like you Tasha, I do really understand, and whats worse is knowing one day you really may not be able to hack it :/
We can always search for work elsewher though.
It ain't that easy though...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 25, 2016, 12:50:30 AM
hi girls,
   Looks like most of us like the idea of a cruise so perhaps we have a good starting point for a trip. Skype would be fine by me although I've never used it before.

Jerrica I think I will be in the same position as you having everything done by then.

Here is a link to Tasha's thread https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,204983.new.html#new (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,204983.new.html#new)
Not that's it's a problem for you to talk here Tasha. This is OUR community thread for us to be there for each other.
it's great you had a good time going out. It took me a while to get totally comfortable going out. But the more I went out the more I discovered that most people didn't pay much attention to me and along the way I met some really great people.

As for passing I don't let it stop me. I'm not passable most of the time I'm not crazy about it. It does 'cause me some dysphoria but I know I iwll get there. I'm so early on in this journey and everything is going well I just look to the next step. it's just around the corner. I know who I am and that's what's important to me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 25, 2016, 07:31:33 AM
Went out as Jenny last night to my GIC meeting. All went well. I even decided to go get the mail at the mailbox on the way home and someone was there and said HI to me. She didn't really pay much attention to me which was good. Tonight is a repeat for Jenny. I am going to my gender therapist tonight and once again plan to go as Jenny. I have to admit it is getting easier although it has been a bit more challenging finding outfits to wear since I still have a limited supply of Jenny clothing. One thing I still need is some sort of feminine jacket. Had to take my regular male one last night just in case. Fortunately didn't need it. So this will be two days in a row not wearing a single male article of clothing. Must admit it's pretty fun. 


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 25, 2016, 09:41:08 AM
That's how I am starting to feel about passing, slot of the times I do, but there is no way I can all of the time. That is just who I am though, so I do it anyway. A cruise would be fun...

Well, time for work... ill talk to you all later!!!

Tasha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 25, 2016, 09:43:24 AM
Just curious, Tasha. Are you in female mode at work?  I am not at work. Probably a long time before that for me.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 25, 2016, 11:41:06 AM
Not yet, I am not even sure if I can stay in this town when I get that far...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 25, 2016, 11:42:23 AM
Good point. Is it a small town?


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 25, 2016, 01:12:58 PM
Ok, here is something on the lighter side. Might cheer you up. I play video games sometimes on my computer. Anyway, the current game I am playing is Fallout 4. The game includes romance options with non-player characters of the opposite sex. You build the relationship and eventually you have a romance. No graphics, just the romance part. My character I play is male and my romantic partner of course is female. The game has cheat codes you can get on the Internet. One such code is to change the sex of your character. Needless to say, I did that one so now my character is female. The funny thing is my female partner is totally ok with my transition from male to female because she still says she loves me and wants to be with me. Wish it was so easy in real life. ;)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 25, 2016, 02:17:09 PM
Lol... I did reply earlier, but ya 350 in my town and 3000 in the next closest town
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 25, 2016, 02:25:51 PM
That is a small town.  I can imagine how you feel. Come to Denver.  There are lots of jobs here and Denver is very Trans friendly.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 25, 2016, 03:21:38 PM
Lol... I'd love to, but if we move from here, I owe my wife a year or two on the coast....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 25, 2016, 03:26:15 PM
Hehe.  Just kidding really, but if you ever decide to get out this way for any reason, I would love to be your tour guide.  Gotta drink lots of water thought because of the altitude.  We are a mile high afterall...  :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 25, 2016, 05:32:32 PM
Isn't everyone two mile high now that weed is legal... lol...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 25, 2016, 11:26:47 PM
Haha word Tasha! :')
I know your having a tough time with work and the attitudes of the people in the general area, and although moving is the first thing that springs to mind, I'm sure its not so easy with family and refinding work!
I wish ther was something we could say or do that would help!
I always new I had this coming, I new I could never advance a relationship and family withought dealing with it, but that was ok, the problem was in school and deciding a future, it couldn't be done, i stagnated have no qualifications and wasted tones of money on things that I could pass the time saving for them, it was always the goal, and as soon as I got it I would move on to the next big expense!
That was my way of dealing with it, and its effect on me!
Jeez what downer crap,....
On a higher note Hormones in 46 days, yay!
And 3 weeks off starting at the end of July :)
I know it sounds daft and almost meaningless at times, but you have to focus on the good!
Even those big expensive things I spent all that money on, I will show you guys once I'm out to my family!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 26, 2016, 01:04:06 AM
Ya, so I still haven't figured out what to do exactly, I have many qualifications, and many skills, but entry level positions won't pay the bills, much less help with transitioning.... I pretty much have to transition careers and gender simultaneously, without sacrificing wages.

So, statistically speaking, the most logical reason for our existence is that we are a simulation run by either humans in the future, or an alien (to us) race. Not that I think it's true, but the way my life works, it makes it feel true. And then makes me feel fake... which I feel even more now that I feel like I need to change gender... and then I feel like I have no real control over my life. I can't advance, all I can do is exist. I long to do more than just exist. I want to BE. I want to make real choices, not between what is responsible and what's not. Not between what's right and what's wrong. Not about how to deal with a situation. I want to choose between things that I want. I want more life choices that are like choosing between cute shirts. I hate that every choice I make in life is between existing in one kind of difficult struggle or another. I have always been a strong person, but even the biggest bodybuilder has their limit.... and I feel myself pushing harder everyday just to not be sad or to feel, well, like trying to not feel sad. On my best days, the days when I am good at pretending I am happy, I am truly indifferent. How do I look forward to living for the next however many years, when all I feel I have to look forward to is depression or I difference? How do people see reasons to live more than responsibility?

I apologize for the long-winded whine session, it just kind of came out... what I really meant to do is talk about that statistical theory, and I guess it just brought up some feelings that I didn't realize were so close to the surface this evening.... recurring issue the last few days Huh?

Well, thank you all for putting up with it. And I hope you all have a great day/night!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 26, 2016, 01:34:47 AM
its seems like we are all having a downer day... so i'm feeling like a target has been painted on my bubble. My Endo bubble that is. So, I I went to a Pflag meeting tonight which is run by the psychologist that I'm seeing. She has been cut off from doing referrals for adult endocrinology. Some B.S. un specified reasons. luckily my appointment is booked and has been confirmed. So, i'm alright on that point. however it appears there is a huge discrepancy on what happens when you get in to see them.

Some people said they went in and were started on HRT straight away. Some did initial blood work and told all the good, the bad and the ugly then sent away to think about it for a couple of months. Sometimes they simply refused to start people on HRT altogether. I would be crushed if that happened. waiting would be tough too. I'm hoping I fall into the first one.. but am i ever scared now. I've been so looking forward to it and now there's all this uncertainty about it.   

take care girls we can get through this.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 26, 2016, 07:12:18 AM
Hang in there girls. Life has a way of working itself out if you just let it. Be positive and be in control of your destiny. Had my gender therapist appointment. She said she can write my letter for me at some point so that is good. I have my appointment with my diabetes related endocrinology doctor in June and plan on discussing transitioning with her as well. It is at the VA and my therapist said that they do hormones but you have to go through their process first which includes seeing their mental health professional. Curious to see how that goes. Talk to you girls later. Have to get ready to go to work and put on my male clothing. Ugh.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 26, 2016, 11:43:27 PM
Ah Tasha, I think that retched feeling of just existing comes from being guys we don't want to be, like you just do things, but you don't really do anything! Because we aren't into it!
As a female we willl feel what we are doing is worth something, or we are just right doing it!
I'v lost that feeling alot in the last 7-10 years as I really just felt like a woman anyway, even at school and work I just seen myself as strong woman!
I'm also sickened for you Sarah :/ I hope they just give em to you, its also causing me to fear what happens to me in July! :S
I'm sure in America you can get em with informed consent but Canada I don't know, you could try?
And thats great news too Jenny, keep pushing forward!
Its Friday girls, thats what counts :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 27, 2016, 01:30:36 AM
For me, wait, not tonight... thank you for all of your support, but I need to not explain, or indulge... it's affecting every aspect of my life... and I need to see a therapist and figure out how to take control of my feelings again...

Depression >-bleeped-<ing sucks!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 27, 2016, 09:21:39 AM
I know Tasha. It sucks. Yes, get in to see your therapist asap. I think that is critical. I am sure it will make you feel better. I can't remember if you said you are currently on HRT or not. Maybe once you are they will help you relax more. That nasty T makes us tense and worry too much. Gotta get that poison out.  I too need desperately to get it out of my system and get some E in me to really start feeling like me finally. Again, hang in there. We as always are here for you. Keep talking. It might hurt but it will help in the end.

Love you all. Jenny.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 27, 2016, 05:31:37 PM
hi girls,
  after a couple days of  not getting enough sleep I slept a good part of the day away. I feeling so well rested now. but only got an hour till i have to go to work.

I'm looking into going back to school. Not that I have issues with work because of transitioning. just because I finally have a direction that I would like to go in.  Which is something I've never had before. So, I'm looking at being a Community Support Worker. I'm not sure what the equivalent title is where you all are but here are some of the jobs I could do. Child/Youth Care Worker, Youth Outreach Worker, Teen Pregnancy Worker, Parenting Support Worker, Addictions Worker, Family Place Worker. So it's largely a counseling type position. I gotta go I will post some more later.

sarah
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 27, 2016, 05:35:16 PM
Best of luck. I hope you find what you are looking for. Sounds like the theme is helping people. That's great. We need more like that in the system that care.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 29, 2016, 08:45:24 PM
Jenny had quite an adventure today. I will say some of it was great others ok at best. I had ordered some shoes online but they were too big so I decided to go to the store today as Jenny to exchange them. The store was downtown so I drove there, parked and went up to the store. This location is an outside mall with underground parking. The experience at Long Tall Sally was great. The people there were really nice. I got my shoes exchanged and I tried on some dresses while I was there. I wanted to do this to determine what dress size I am. Turns out I am a 16. I was expecting around 20 so I was pleased. I bought a nice dress in my size. Looking forward to wearing it. Oh, the sales clerk mid-gendered me initially but I politely corrected him. From there on I was her and she as requested. That went well so I decided I wasn't done yet. I decided to go to Catherine's. It's a plus size store. I had gone there early on when I was still in the hotel to buy a bra and they were really nice. Back then, I was in male mode when at the store. They were pleased to see me again and this time in Jenny mode. I purchased a couple of new bras that I wanted as well as a new outfit. Everything was 40% off so it was a pretty good deal in the end. When I was finished there I still didn't feel I was done yet so I decided to go to the local mall to a store I was told that had inexpensive jewelry and such. I purchased a few items there as well. I can't say this visit was as good as the previous one. I felt quite self conscious of being Jenny and I got some looks but for the most part if was ok. I needed to go to the grocery store so I decided "why not?"  I went to Walmart to get my groceries. Lots more looks there and felt pretty uncomfortable. Even the cashier was petty rude. She barely even acknowledged me while she was checking out my items for purchase. I don't think I will do that again for a while. Just wanted to tell you about my day.

Jenny.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 29, 2016, 08:48:53 PM
Oh, I forgot to mention that at Catherine's I was a size 0 since my dress size was 16. Thought that was pretty cool too. They obviously don't sell many size 0 items there so the selection was limited but with the help of the sales lady I put together a pretty good outfit.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 29, 2016, 09:08:54 PM
It seems like it always feels better when we start out, and it gets more uncomfortable as the day goes on.... o am sorry you had such a bad time at Wally-World.... I would hope it's just because of the cashiers at Walmart suck, I have a hard time with them all the time, Tasha or not... but that is very cool you want out for so long.... it is really hard to do!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 29, 2016, 09:21:00 PM
I have to admit that I a a bit depressed right now. Today was good but overall it shows I won't be accepted or recognized as a woman. Even if I start on HRT at my age I question how much it will make me look more feminine. It's hard to keep faith and makes me wonder why I am doing this.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 29, 2016, 09:38:25 PM
I have been feeling like that a bit too lately, then add the logistics of surviving after the transition,  and it honestly feels hopeless at times. My wife is trying really hard to make me feel better about it, but I'm still feeling pretty fatalistic about the whole thing. It doesn't help that I have been feeling depressed for no goddamned reason at all... but we gotta just live and let ourselves work it out as we go. Too hard to plan unless you are in a special position.... try to stay hopeful Jenny...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 29, 2016, 09:51:35 PM
Thanks Tasha. We all have our days. I was pretty up for quite a while and now I feel like I have hit a brick wall and I'm falling down it. It just sucks. Why can't it be easy to be happy?


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 29, 2016, 10:06:23 PM
Because easy happiness is for lazy people.... honestly... and the ignorant. Since we are neither, we have to work hard for every-damn-thing.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 29, 2016, 10:50:07 PM
I guess so. I feel like I have taken the hard road all my life. I don't understand why I want to be a woman. I just do. I have never been normal all my life. I have always been the one that had difficulties with everything. I never fit in. I was always the one that was picked on. I feel like I destroy my happiness every time I have it. I was married for 21 years and now that is over because I decided to wear women's clothing. However I guess that is not the only reason my marriage ended. I have been happier since I left and being on my own has been good for me. I just hope that when I start my journey of transition my ugly male appearance goes away. I don't like it when I see my male self in the mirror but can't help but smile when I see Jenny there in all her glory. She is beautiful. I just hope I can convince others that she is. Maybe I will become a hermit and stay inside all the time.  Can't do that either. Gotta work and have to buy groceries to eat. So eventually the world is just going to have to live with Jenny because she is going to win this battle.

I am rambling. Sorry. Just lots of random thoughts pouring out. I am a bit angry at life as well as depressed. Man. This just hit me hard. I hate feeling like this. Thanks for listening.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 29, 2016, 11:19:03 PM
Of course... I know what you mean. I feel beautiful as Tasha, but I still see Taj in some of her...my... pictures. Mostly in either the face or neck, sometimes it's the lack of hips. But it is very discouraging at times. I did go to three of my wife's doctors appointments as Tasha and first thing in the morning I went in to get drinks. The cashier called me sir twice. I almost got discouraged and stressed out, but that day was all about her so I couldn't let it get to me. I pushed on. The day was not bad after that but I did feel like everybody knew. By the end of it I figured f*ck it if they know... I should not feel insecure about being a transgender woman. I should be proud to be a woman. So, it was the day after that when I started  feeling depressed, which in turn tells me that it doesn't have much to do with this transition, just life.

I get the whole angry at life thing... I am a little angry at life, but more angry at myself for trying so hard to repress and hide this that I locked myself into a box that is going to be hard to get out of. I think the worst part is building a career that pays so well, and now if I am for ed to change careers, my family will lose our way of life and stability that I have built with a lie.

My turn to ramble.... lol.... we will get over this.... sooner or later!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 29, 2016, 11:27:59 PM
Oh Jenny I don't think you should worry about cashiers, they are nearlly always butheads anyway, couldn't be arsed with their jobs, so they take it out on everyone else,
I have one guy in LIDL here in Switzerland, that is so nice, always happy to see you, always talking, thats someone who love his job and works hard at it, no matter what it is!
My mother left the country yesterday, I never talked to her about it, I think she may know I wanted to though, I find it mad to think I told her once before!
She so doesn't wantto deal with it, but I have to
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 29, 2016, 11:38:26 PM
Thanks Christine.  I guess I am just PMS'ing today...  :)

Just a little down right now but it will get better.  I have group on Tuesday.  Those sessions always help too.  I really appreciate all your support.  I was as high as a kite yesterday and today I barely can get off the ground.  Bed time.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 29, 2016, 11:39:52 PM
I too get that feeling Tasha, the regret of trying so hard to be the best example of a man!
All that crap working so hard to repress our true selves!
I wouldn't mind but I had told my mother once, back when I was about 20, I could have started then,...
I could have started earlyer if I just stopped with the facade...
Well I start in a month now at 26, I just hope I have some decent changes with HRT.
I lucked out my hair is all still mint, and thick!
We just have to sit back and be patient, waiting for these hormones has been long and drolled out already, and I wasn't even waiting to long!
Have you guys made any headway for HRT?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 29, 2016, 11:50:54 PM
Oh Christine, you will transition wonderfully at 26. My concern is how much change I will see at 52.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 29, 2016, 11:54:52 PM
Not quite. I am getting ready to get into counseling to figure out how to proceed, then I need to weight the pros/cons with my wife and decide if it is something we want/I need. Then, I have to figure out how to balance my financial situation and transitioning. Soooo, thus is going to be one hell of a journey. And being 36 this year, I really have built a freaking box, more like a safe. So ya.... not for a bit yet at least.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 30, 2016, 12:06:51 AM
I hear you Jenny. I don't know what to expect even. I already feel like I look older as a woman than a man, and that my friends, is frustrating!!! It is time for me to chill out for the night, thanks for listening and being here. I hope you feel better Jenny, and thanks Christine, sorry about your mom... if I remember I'll tell you about mine... they sure can be frustrating Huh? Talk to you tomorrow ladies!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 30, 2016, 01:37:14 AM
Not sure when I will start HRT. It might be a few months at least. We will see. Night.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 30, 2016, 02:40:33 AM
hi girls,
its too bad we don't live in a kinder more understanding world.. it's nice you got to do so much as jenny, jenny. getting mis-gendered is really annoying. i'm understanding especially with my male voice but it still bothers me. just makes me look forward that much more to voice therapy and hormones.

I'm sorry to make you worry christine. After letting it sink in and thinking rationally about it I'm sure people only get denied HRT for good medical reasons. I know if you are a smoker it's a no go. Luckily I'm not a smoker and never have been. It's a disgusting expensive habit. My appointment is next week so exciting.

I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure the changes from HRT don't discriminate based on age. barring any major masculine bone features, which You don't look like you have, i think you will look even better after hormones.

i hope you all have a great day
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 30, 2016, 02:55:39 AM
Great that you had fun as Jenny even if it crumbled later. As Christine points out the cashier could have been just a negative anyone else. Can only focus on the good. Pick yourself back up and decide next time will be better. As woman we are more vulnerable as more attention is focused towards us. Born women have a lifetime to learn how to handle this added pressure but to go from ghost to visible is a lot to take. How many young girls cry themselves to sleep over what others would consider trivial events?

Tasha I do feel bad for you with regards to work but remain jealous as heck over your wife. Hold her close and forget everything else for a bit it sounds like you need it. Jobs etc although important for stuff can always be lost for other reasons. How would you have survived if were badly injured and no longer able to do your job?

Christine can defo feel the pain of "If only...". Just hope there is at least one thing in your life gained over the past 6 years to make it seem a bit less like a loss. At 26 though you should still be in a very good position for results and your hair sounds great.

Apart from being 38 things are going well with the sole exception of my wife's struggles at times. I ask what is the point of finally being alive if if costs me the person I love most of all. Even more than I love me so I gave her the choice to decide my future..... she hasn't killed me (by getting me to stop) yet so that's a start.

We all have our areas to struggle through but as they say nothing worth doing is ever easy.

On bluer days it's nice to remember the line from The Crow "Can't rain all the time"

Cheesey but hang in there :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 30, 2016, 03:08:04 PM
My is always worried about me getting permanently injured, but as I can't afford to do anything fun anymore (snowboarding, dirt biking), and can't find time or places to skateboard, serious injury is waaay less likely than it used to be.

Trust me, I know what I have in my wife and will (do) treat her accordingly.

I just feel like if I have a choice in making lots of little money, I have to choose money for now... I have to keep my family stable for as long as possible. My daughter is having a hard time in life right now and has been for a few years, so stability is of utmost importance...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 30, 2016, 04:27:33 PM
Yeah the money thing is understandable. Still must be nice to have enough money to indulge Tasha to help make up for it. Every cloud and all that.

Heck for the right amount of money I could crossdress as a guy at least for a while ;)

The looking after the family part is inarguable and of course would do the same while working on a plan B.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 30, 2016, 04:57:39 PM
Trust me, I am not all that indulged... if it weren't for super frugality and waiting for big discounts I wouldn't have a whole lot. What would be nice is to switch careers, keep the same pay, and then Tasha would truly be indulged. I am really tired of hiding myself sooo much. The money is barely more than I need to pay bills... I can't believe how much more it costs to live in this tiny little town. It is honestly outrageous. Something like 3000 to 3500 a month... in necessities... and my daughter would be devastated if we moved her away from her friends. So, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place here. Ahhhhhhhhrrrrgggghh..... lol.

I know that I shouldn't complain, I am really not doing poorly, it's just that I built this whole life based on a forced persona, and now, to hold onto the stability that I have created, I have to hold on to that persona. It is harder everyday, and it would be too hard on my daughter to pull bet away from here. Lol.... almost dropped the f-bomb there.... but DANG!!! It was tough enough to hold our lives together before, now it takes every-damn-thing I have and more. Good thing I have a massive amount of determination....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 30, 2016, 05:44:00 PM
for a long time I've been obsessed with finding a woman to settle down with and start a family etc. up until a few months ago anyway. Suddenly I have much more important things to think about. As much as I still want those things in a way I'm glad it's still only me. I don't have to worry or deal with a wife or children. when i find someone I know she will really like me for me.

Christine and tasha atleast you have spouse/partners that accept you and are understanding and supportive. tasha i know you can find a way there is always a way.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 30, 2016, 07:02:33 PM
Still pretty depressed here. Spent the day with my parents sister and aunt. I just couldn't bring myself to saying anything. They are big time worriers and I am afraid they would only see the negative aspects. My thought today honestly have been focus on purging but of course as soon as I got home I put on my new dress and heels. Relaxed now at least. It does that to me. I really don't know what to do. Jerrica, I know how you feel regarding the cross dressing. Maybe that's all I should do. I am just not sure I can handle the implications of transitioning. Yesterday really threw me for a loop. The judgement is unbearable. I just don't see myself changing enough to pass and I can't see my family accepting it. This sucks. I am so frustrated.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 30, 2016, 11:25:34 PM
Fon't worry Sarah, I had pretty much that thought anyway, about maybe getting denied it, but I just didn't put it out ther lol
Oh whatever happens, happens anyeay,
And yes I am incredibly luck with my gf, honestly she has done so much, buying clothes with me, doing make up, and reserching hormones, ond Orchies, and everything in between! She has been unreal!
Byt yep we are lucky in that we haven't started a family, as much as I would want one, it just adds a whole new tangent of worry!
Im sorry to here that Jenny, the amount of times I have done just that :/
You shouldn't base being a woman inside on how much yourbody has been poisoned with testosterone.
I looked at it like this, before I told my gf it would brake my heart, should I be hit by a car or something and killed to have "MR" on my stone, :/ you'd guess it wouldn't matter, your dead like, but for me it does!
You really can't lie forever! It has to be delt with,
Stay strong all of yous girls,
Love yous, :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on May 30, 2016, 11:38:50 PM
I know. The fact that the clothing soothes me so much tells me something. I have seen several before and after pics on this site that are promising. I am just so damned dysphoric about my body it makes me want to scream.  My shoulders are huge. I look like a huge man in women's clothing. I have been losing weight but it doesn't seem to be helping. I am so frustrated. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I was so happy a couple of days ago and now I am just depressed. I feel like crap. I hope I can get out of this funk soon.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on May 30, 2016, 11:41:45 PM
Definitely agree with you Christine... and Jenny, I feel that way about my looks too at times, but then the both of us are more beautiful than some women as it is, without having done hrt or surgery. Imagine what we could look like after!!! I know how you feel about family though, I do not know what to do right now either, but for me that means deal with depression and anxiety until I can get some therapy to help me decide how to move forward.... stay strong ladies, goodnight!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 02, 2016, 11:22:44 PM
Hey Girls, hope use are all alright!
I haven't heard from use in a while, I'v become so excited these last few days, as July the 11th approaches, hopefully I start them ther and then as I have my holidays, on tge 29th of July for three weeks, it will be so nice to just relax!
Hope your all doing ok,
Hugs, Christine
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 02, 2016, 11:46:27 PM
Doing well here Christine. Thanks for checking in. I was thinking the same thing. Not much going on. I have my appointment with my endo on June 10. Diabetes related mainly but I will be talking to them about options for HRT as well. We will see how it goes. Thinking of getting laser for my dark hairs on my beard area and back. Would make covering it up with makeup easier. Not sure how much activity Jenny will see until I get further along in the process but she is always in my heart. Also still have not told my parents yet. Nervous about that too. Ordered some new dresses online. Can't wait to get them. Talk to you soon!  Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 03, 2016, 01:00:21 AM
Congrats Christine!!! That IS exciting!! I have just been busy, and been too negative for a while. I am watching though!! Got some new eyeshadow, wet and wild nudes.... freaking beautiful!!! I love it!!! Wearing a purple top and black skater skirt.... feel like I look like a million bucks right now!!! It's late for me though, thanks for caring lady!!! I do miss you girls!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 03, 2016, 01:52:38 AM
I'm having an amazing week tbh. Denim shorts, new cute tshirts & ponytail at work. Leaving early just for fun as it's sunny here and you don't waste sunshine in Scotland.

Rough start with wife when I put on my sunny stuff and she kinda broke down. Waited a while as kids and I just chatted and had dinner with everyone else perfectly happy. Then we had a chat still in my new stuff. I think it did her good to let it all out.

The day after she was remarkably better and unphased by me despite basically the same outfit. Perfectly normal and happy which was major progress. Even kisses and cuddles with no recoil in all my girly glory.

Yesterday she impressed the hell out me further for high school visit. Although she did ask me nicely to drop the pony (which I did) she actually stayed with me as did daughter when talking to new head teacher about me being MTF to update kids records and wasn't giving off pained vibes.

New tshirts and no negative stuff either despite switching from crew to V neck for exposing my upper body to just below my fairy necklace and even closer cut to taper into my waist.

Pony straight back in with my pink hair band as we were leaving the school building and still no negativity. Didn't expect to get away with that one but she was fine with it.

Almost scared to say it in case I burst the bubble but I think she might be past the worst :) 

Also sleepover on the cards for daughters best friend. Girly night ahead of from Friday night to Sunday afternoon.

So clothes, sunshine, girly weekend, happy wife and family defo an awesome week.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 03, 2016, 07:33:53 AM
Oh you all sound so beautiful!  I wish I could be closer to full time like that. Just not ready for that yet. I have my son this weekend and of course he doesn't know Jenny yet. Not sure when that will happen. Sunny Scotland sound really nice. Would love to hear your Scottish accent! :) Have you ever seen that Saturday Night Live skit with Patrick Stewart where he is in a shop or something?  All I really remember is him saying, "If it's not Scottish, it's crap!"  Oh well. Getting ready for work. Will day dream of all you girls in all your glory. Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 03, 2016, 08:45:32 PM
Tasha skater skirts are gorgeous particularly with long legs. A good bit further down my someday list until I could do that but can imagine you totally rocking it.

Defo got good taste in clothes.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 03, 2016, 11:06:41 PM
Wow Tasha.  That does sound great.  I just looked up Skater Skirts and they look awesome!  I bet you look great.  Would love to see a picture sometime.

Ok, here I go again.  I am so confused.  Call me wishy-washy.  I keep finding myself going back and forth where one moment I am fully ready and want to transition and the next, I am telling myself I am ok with my being male.  I love Jenny so much, but is it worth the hard road it would take to truly become her?  I feel like right now I am stuck in the middle somewhere.  I want to be Jenny but being out in public is so challenging and so scary.  I guess it would be different if I had already been on HRT for years already but I haven't so I still look like a big hairy guy wearing women's clothing.

Of course, now it is even hard to be male since I have taken certain measures to make Jenny more attractive.  Like shaving my legs, my arms, my chest, etc.  My son is with me this weekend and he wants to go swimming in the pool here at my apartment complex.  What will people think if they see me out and about in shorts as a man with shaved legs?  I took the nail polish off my toes, so at least that is ok for now. 

As far as being Jenny, my beard is the worst.  I can have a five o'clock shadow very soon after I shave.  In fact, I don't think I ever lose the shadow completely when I shave so covering the beard is difficult if not impossible.  I have been considering laser and/or electrolysis, but it is so expensive and after so much expenses I have had to incur due to moving into a new apartment, I am not sure I can afford it right now.

I of course have been male all my life so that's really all I know.  Being Jenny is so foreign to me but at the same time so comforting.  She wants to live.  She wants to take over.  Do I let her, or do I continue being male and not let her out?

Have you girls had feelings like these?  Again, I think I am having issues because unlike lots of transgender women, I have not known I wanted to be a woman all my life.  When I was little, I told myself I wanted to be a girl but never really went past that.  At about 10, I tried my mom's clothing once.  Almost got caught and didn't do it again until I was 51 when I tried my wife's clothing.  I don't know what made me think I wanted to do that.  I just did.  And of course, I had an uncontrollable urge to tell my wife what I was feeling (not that I had tried her clothes though).  Of course that is what ended my 21 year marriage and here I am now in my own apartment waiting on divorce.

Since I have been on my own and able to pursue being Jenny, I have felt very comfortable with it, mainly when alone in my apartment.  Of course, as you know, I have ventured out as Jenny and it felt great with the exception of feeling judged by the strangers around me.  However, I do find myself looking at other women and feeling jealous of them.  Interesting that I used to look at women because I thought I was attracted to them but now, I see them as competition.  I look at what they are wearing and I wish I could wear what they are wearing.

I am babbling again.  I am so sorry.  I just am so confused and it is driving me crazy.  Any advice would be extremely welcome.

Thanks for listening (again...).  You are probably getting tired of my wishy-washiness. 

Jenny

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 04, 2016, 12:07:13 AM
Skater skirts are stunning, I'm jealous,I haven't found one yet, and yes a picture would be nice to see it, is it high waisted?
Haha I heard about this mad heat wave you UK one are having, my family in Ireland have it too, I'm having crap weather at the moment in Switzerland.
I wana see a pic of you too Jerrica, you sound around my size and shape from your posts!

And Jenny, I really don't know what you need to do to really know its how you feel. Me I just always knew and even though I still looked like a guy I always felt like a girl, I would just be so different, I got abuse for it like! By family mostly, when I went out in town I would be as manly as I needed in my mannerisms, I was a girl not dumb, I wasn't gonna be bullied for being me, so I hid it!

Maybe you have built so many barriers to avoid judgement,  and you can't even remember your old feelings, that can hapoen, people will always judge, but remeber ther is only one person who has the right to judge us, and he ain't on this planet!
How would you feel if you wher dead now your floating round the croud crying about your passing, your having a laugh as why not your dead and your a ghost, and you are exactly as us should be a beautiful angel with long beautiful hair, then you realise your Stone is marked "MR"
......
I personally would go mad, and try scratch it off, but I would see its too late and everything I do has no effect on the stone! :(

Thats a gammy story Iv always had in my head, but its true enough for me, our soles always wher female, I think it is the biggest regret of life having lived an entire life without people ever knowing who you realky are! And we never know how short life can be at time, so profit from it now
While we can,

Don't want to sound morbid, but its actually a nice we scene for me
Hugs Christine
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 04, 2016, 12:13:23 AM
Hi girls,
   I haven't been up to much the last week just getting everything in order for school. I had to rush through enrollment because the day I talked to them was the cut off for the next session. If not I would have had to wait until the end of Sep.   I didn't graduate high school so had to write an entrance exam. I was a little nervous but I finished in record time and got 88.  ;D My Student loan was approved and I got the paperwork off for that. So, everything is done and I start this week. So exciting.

for work I'm a caregivers aide but all I really have to do is be there. My program is online so i can do it from anywhere. I talked to My Employer and they are fine with me working on it there so I have lots of time to put into it. It's funny i never imagined myself going back to school and now I'm actually looking forward to it.

Jenny people do all kinds of thing for man/woman scaping so most people probably won't even pay attention to your body hair or lack of it. I hear your pain on  the shadow as I still get a bit of one. it's so annoying.

I never thought of being a women growing up. but as soon as i bought and put on my first skirt I wanted a little more until I was all done up as a women. it felt so right and natural and i was so happy I knew that's how I was meant to be. Other then a passing thought of "maybe cross dressing will be my thing" I knew I was women. For me no matter what I thought I knew I wouldn't stop being a women. even if i thought maybe I shold stop I had no intention of not wearing breast forms. I have a hard time taking them off when i go to bed.

Jerrica that is really great about your wife. I can't imagine what it would be like to adjust to my spouse transitioning but she's still with you so she wants to. take care girls.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 04, 2016, 01:04:54 AM
I understand how you feel Jenny, I feel that way too sometimes... but really about the legs? I have been shaving for six months plus and the only comment I have EVER gotten was "you really are serious about this shaving thing", and... that could have only been about my face lol.... I have always, and I mean always had massive amounts to of facial hair and I started shaving arms legs chest pits.... and much more before I cut off my 4 inch beard.  You'll be okay swimming. And as for the questioning, I just let myself feel and do what I am okay with. Sometimes I feel I have to push past my comfort zone, as in the first time I wore heels out, but from there I decided that I would go out as Tasha as often as I felt comfy with, and got more comfy every time. At first I had to be dressed to the 9s, but now I just wear whatever. I got caught yesterday, and didn't even know until today. My neighbor has a little dog that ran out in front of my car as I was leaving, he looked right at me, and today he apologized and said he hoped his dog didn't freak me out too bad. I didn't even freak out like I thought I would when I got caught. I was just like well... I knew it would happen sooner or later. The guy was cool, he didn't even mention it, just that he hoped I was okay. By the way, if you didn't already k kw, I am a general contractor, so, imagine being expected to be hyper masculine all the time, and getting caught with shaved everything. But, everybody is cool, so... I know it's hard at first (it still is), but it gets easier as you go. You need to do what you want... you look great jenny, can't tell.... we all pick ourselves apart so much more than anyone else that we give ourselves a complex, but really.... life is going to go on.... and the world will not explode. Just be true to yourself!!!

And... thank you Christine, Jerrica, and Jenny, I will get a pic next time I wear that outfit for sure....

Love you ladies, gnight!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 04, 2016, 02:50:52 AM
Jenny you can get away with a heck of a lot while presenting as male. The metro sexual thing is in these days. Shaving is an easy one to explain if called on it tell them you are exercising more and were overheating so shaved is much more comfy. As for switching back and forth it's all about whether you are spending your time as male or female due to necessity or comfort. There is nothing wrong with being both if that is what feels right for you. For superpowers I always wished I was a shapeshifter so I could be a woman. No explanation just really wanted to and knew I'd never be a male given the choice. Tiny example but shows my true desires from my earliest youth anything else would be a lie for fear or devil you know kinda thing. Shaving like many things my weaknesses as a man have been a godsend as a woman as my facial hair was always very sparse and wiry but unfortunately for laser primarily light. Body hair not that much with zero on back or upper arms etc. To me I still feel like a sasquatch but I always fixate on what's left rather than progress made. In the end it's your call but if you are able to enjoy being male then do it and have fun no need to beat yourself up about it or worry if you are trans enough. The only label you should have to wear is "Me".

Pics I would love to do but I would need to work on a secure enough method as I am really paranoid about identifiable stuff on the net.

The grave part I had previously decided once dead I didn't care but now I have my name I'll be damned if I'm called anything else except by my wife (she's allowed).

The stuff for school sounds amazing and thank you as I always seem to forget until about September-ish when it's too late. Need to hurry and check out courses just for fun.

Defo went through what I saw as lesser diagnosis while working myself out transvestite, fetishism, autogynophelia, nonbinary, gender fluid, gay or anything else that seemed easier. Never did I believe I could actually change my body to be female so looked hard for something else that was considered a cure/achievable.

Totally counting my blessings on the wife front. She is truly amazing and I would consider my life pointless without her.

The dressed to the 9s thing I totally did that but only in the safety of home (think housework in pvc thigh boots with 5" heels lol). Think I was over compensating for decades of deprivation and/or kinda proving to myself I was female as preHRT my brain was based 99% on thought and 1% on what was left of my feelings on a good day. Since then now I can feel I can laugh at my earlier thoughts of my broken brain trying to work itself out to fix me when it is so blindingly obvious looking backwards. Not too harsh on him though he did the best he could with what he had which included making my family so he got some things very right even if he didn't know it.

The neighbour thing is cool. Figure mine has to know as I have stood chatting to him with my body unhidden, hair tied back, fairy necklace on display and told him to call me Jerri as I no longer use Gerard. He didn't ask and I didn't tell him but either way our relationship hasn't changed.

One thing for sure is holding ourselves to such high ideals of how a woman is supposed to look and that in itself is being a woman. Can't remember exactly where I read it but MTF while looking in the mirror was asking her wife "Will I ever look in the mirror and feel like a woman? All I see is things I don't like and need to fix" the wife answered "Sweetie you ARE feeling like a woman looking in the mirror. We all feel that way". Such a sweet story it helps put things in perspective for appearances and brings me comfort if I try to fixate on negatives like a bit more belly than I'd like. I think it as a woman and recognise that instead of thinking it makes me less female.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 04, 2016, 07:30:30 AM
Thank you for your support girls. In the end, I do feel Jenny will probably win this battle of the body. I am more comfortable at least at home when I am dressed as her, even if it is just a night gown, heels and the wig. It makes me feel good. I am just going to have to let time tell the story and we will see how the story of Jenny versus that guy pans out. Again, thanks for listening. I do feel female most of the time. There are just so many external pressures that tell me to continue to be male. I have been doing what everyone has expected me to do most of my life and only now am I starting to break the surface of breaking free to be me.

Sarah, that's awesome you are going back to school. Good luck!  You will do great.

Jerrica, I am happy for you that your wife is so supportive. I only wish mine could have been. I must admit, I think the exact same thing when I look in the mirror. I smile when I see Jenny more often than when I see the guy in the mirror.

Talk to you soon. Jenny


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 04, 2016, 03:38:26 PM
Update... my sister in law knows now, I told her last night after half a pint of tequila and a six pack. She said she has been waiting for me to tell her.... and she is very supportive and just freaking awesome. It is always so scary, but, it seems like it usually turns out okay. I actually cried from happiness, and I'm not even doing hormones yet!!! Great night last night, and am having a pretty good day today as well....

Have a great weekend ladies!!! I'll talk to you soon!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 04, 2016, 04:12:37 PM
Fantastic news and very glad to hear it.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 04, 2016, 06:03:29 PM
That's awesome Tasha!  Glad your sister-in-law was supportive.  I am thinking of inviting my sister over to my new apartment at some point and might tell her at that time.  We will see...  I have my endo appointment this Friday (for diabetes) and I plan on talking to them (usually multiple doctors/NP's) about it.

Jenny.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 05, 2016, 02:39:21 AM
Oh thats so great Tasha! That must be a load of your mind
Hopefully she keeps quiet about it though, so can come out at your own pace!
Well done!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 05, 2016, 02:45:11 AM
It seems like she will, but if not, at least I don't have to do all the telling.... actually, she said she had been waiting for me to tell her for a while now and she hasn't told anyone, so... we'll see
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 06, 2016, 02:37:53 AM
That's great Tasha but I'm curious about something. you say she was waiting for you to tell her so how did she know?? or should I ask what did she know?

It's pride week here this week and there was a parade yesterday to kick it off. I had planned on being in the parade but the weather was hot and sunny. I didn't really want to walk down the street in a wig, all done up, in the heat.  ;D  it was great though thousands of people and at least I dunno 30 floats.

i think i was, might have been, a dumb dumb though. So I'm standing there watching the parade and this girl touches my arm and says "do you have the time?" first thing that strikes me is her hand is ice cold. So I'm saying I don't know how your hand is that cold in this weather as I look over at her only I'm looking down towards her hands. I start to look up and get as far as her mouth before looking the other way at my purse. I take my phone out, tell her the time and.... that's it. looked back  up at the parade and never looked at her again. she said thank you and I presume walked away. so I gave it a little thought about why she asked me for the time and never came up with anything. thing is she would've had to walk past other people to get to me to ask me for the time. then last night i had a light bulb come on.

So, there was this girl that I liked and that wanted me to ask her out and she would touch my arm after we were done talking. well, she did it a few time anyway. long after that i was watching an episode of friends and there was a scene Chandler, i think, runs into a girl he used to know. she keeps touching his arm before saying how many times do I have to touch your arm before you ask me out? Now, I don't have a lot of experience with girls touching my arm but I know one girl that really wanted me to ask her out and she did it. I knew for more reasons then that and I eventually did and things... (Long story) but things between us turned very bad. Last I saw her she is getting married. But that's another story. now I'm not saying this girl wanted me to ask her out but maybe she was interested in meeting me... i never got a full look at her face so i don't even know what she looks like. Maybe she was a babe. Anyway, I'll never know now. it wouldn't be the first time that's happened to me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 06, 2016, 06:55:35 AM
Seems like you had a great day either way :)

Always more fun to be had so you never know Title Right could already be looking for you ♡
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 06, 2016, 09:32:52 AM
Because she had noticed my toes painted a few months back, and I wore a pair of ballet flats at the pool... and my wife has recently told me that there are things she notices now that she never did before that kind of made me seem girly in man mode....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 06, 2016, 09:35:00 AM
That is crazy about the parade.... I am curious, why did you not pay her slightly more attention? Even just to acknowledge her... do you regret a possible missed opportunity?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 06, 2016, 05:27:55 PM
yeah the parade has come a long way. I've talked to people that were in the first parade(s) when it was just a handful of people and they walked for a block and there were NO spectators.

tasha, 'cause I was watching for my friends in the parade. when I got there I was close to where the parade started. I saw them go by and stayed there a little longer. Then I had the thought maybe I could catch up with them at the end so I walked to the end of the parade route. which is where i was standing when that girl asked me for the time. So they were going off in three different directions at the end and I didn't want to miss them. Which I had anyway but didn't know it at the time. I can get, shall we say, really focused when I'm doing something. to the point where I don't really process other things going on around me. it's not that I wouldn't have been interested in meeting her or someone. Actually a girl that's willing to approach me is just the kind of girl I'm looking for. So, yeah I regret not talking to her more. Just so i didn't have this question of "what did she really want?" But regret about girls is something I'm used to.

  In talking to my step mum she said one of the things my dad said was that he hoped it wasn't because I've had difficulties with women. in talking to my friend about it I said it was more likely that it was because I was trans that I've had difficulty with women. I pretty sure earlier on I made a comment about being obsessed with finding someone. My thought is that i was trying to find that feminine part of me in/with someone else.

  i still want to find the girl of my dreams to settle down with but I'm not obsessed about it the way I once was. Now I'm just obsessed about seeing women's hips and breasts, if they;re nice. "cause those are the thing i most want for myself.  ;D take care
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 06, 2016, 05:38:58 PM
Lol... I agree.... the things I admire most about a woman's body are the things o want to have.... cause really, I find myself attracted to bigger girls, not huge, but bigger.... like my wife. I think she is sexy as hell, but I want to be skinnier and taller.... lol... funny thing life.... sorry about your missed opportunity... talk to you after work!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 06, 2016, 06:08:14 PM
So Sarah, you might have said it earlier, but were you in female mode at the parade?  I know you mentioned not wanting to be in the hot weather with your wig, but I wasn't sure if you were in girl mode otherwise.  I think you mentioned you were full time but I'm not sure.  Keep looking.  They are out there.  Actually the one you will find is the one you were not looking for you.  She will find you!  :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 06, 2016, 11:22:53 PM
Gah, I can't believe you didn't look back, its like one of those tv shows, we are all hear screaming look back!! Haha
No but seriously, I wouldn't think to much about it, sounds more like the time! If she was after you she would have made more of an attempt no?
Stuck around abit for you to look back?
I duno, and now we will never know D:
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 07, 2016, 05:04:31 AM
yeah Jenny I believe the woman for me will find me when I'm not expecting it. You are also correct I'm always in girl mode these days. not always passable but still...

Christine I don't really know how much of an effort a women will make if she's interested. I imagine it varies between woman and also the circumstances.. ]

Just two more sleep till I see the endo...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 09, 2016, 02:32:06 PM
Hi girls so just got home from seeing the endocrinologist and I ended up on a middle ground between what I wanted and what I feared. So while I wasn't completely rejected from getting HRT she would only start me on spironolactone. I have my blood tests scheduled for monday morning and she said to call her office after that and she would call in the prescription.

her reason on not starting me on the estrogen is she is concerned about any other mental health issues, particularly depression. Unfortunately my psychologists referral didn't include enough information and none on any screening done to ensure that wasn't the case. In an earlier post i said that she (Psychologist) was told she couldn't do any more referrals and that seems to be the reason why. the endocrinologsit said she wants a psych eval from a psychiatrist, which I have been referred to. however it could be more then a year before i get in to see him. Hopefully Tamara (Psychologist) gets things straightened out so she can provide a letter to start estrogen before that.

the reason she will start me on Spiro is that the effects aren't permanent so if I decide to stop transitioning I can just stop and things will go back to the way they are. I know that's not going to happen though. I am not stopping!

As much as i'm feeling frustrated and disappointed it is at least progress and will reduce my testosterone levels.  ;D With Less testosterone I should get more results from consuming foods that are known to have estrogenic effects. it may not be to the same extent as prescription estrogens but it's better then nothing.

How are you girls doing??
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 09, 2016, 02:48:33 PM
Good they at least got you on Spiro so still a step forward.

Shame about the rest though. Lists seriously suck with all that wasted time to even get to "Hello".

As for me things are going great. My pony seems to be suddenly getting bigger which is awesome. Replaced all my girlie tshirts with even girlier ones for work (closer shaped, V neck with fairy necklace and no jacket).

Gal pals at my aerobics now know my full name and loved my new black and pink gym gear.

Even changed name on my M&D's season ticket (amusement park) guy that did it even went so far as to find a pink pen to write my name on it ♡

Using ladies room exclusively now (random but given bathroom chatter stateside might as well throw it in)

Small things but I love them.
Struggling to think of anyone that hasn't been told lol

Kinda not done much work this week though as boss been off and I really had to shop :) but chance he could be back tomorrow so need pull some major mojo out of the hat so it looks like I've been working.

Wife continuing to increase her acceptance of my fashion and reduce her negative impulses.

Also might have a lead for privately done Orchi but can't afford to investigate it further yet....

So all going amazingly well at the moment.

Well except for one small trauma...... My first broken nail :(
The other 9 are lovely but number 10 will catch up in a few weeks.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 09, 2016, 03:08:52 PM
Sounds like you both are making progress. That's great. I'm not too surprised about the spiro only option. I have heard others end up doing the same at least until they have better numbers in your blood work. My question is without E, what changes if any will you expect?  What does lowering T do by itself. I have a feeling I might be in the same boat once I get started too. One of my girlfriends is getting hers through the VA and I might be doing the same. Glad to hear from you! Jenny.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 09, 2016, 11:23:01 PM
Oh dear, you had epected it!
But I would worry too much the blocker is the most nesiceray oftwo to have I think!
The T is the one thing we want to be stopped!
I will likely have the same outcome... unfortuneatly.
But you are started now woop, you can go any further in the rong direction, that is what matter
And thats gpod too that the hair is growing out good and long Jerrica!
You are Scotland based?, find out more about that Orchie if you can, Is it done at your request under informed consent?
And cut the slacking, :/ I'v been slaving my ass off this past week at work :'(
Withought T you would actually start noticing muscle loss and all that, but if you get your T to zero withought any hormone in your body you will feel pretty weak and not good, she will have you on E soon!
Don't worry about it, it has begun :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 10, 2016, 03:44:53 AM
From what little I could find you still need psych but they can do it without making you stop hormones which for me is majorly important. As you know my biggest fear is my supply being interrupted resulting in me being irreparably harmed so Orchi would lessen that fear considerably. That reminds me I better stock up as I want at least a 1 year buffer available (stops me worrying as much).

GRS still probably end of 2017 if very very lucky with lists etc but that's a total guess; got a feeling be even longer but only so long I'm prepared to wait on lists. Will wait until my GIC appointment in January 2017 to discuss whether I'm trans lol (Will have been on good hormone doses for a year before "Hello" so should be kinda funny) possible timescales. Can just see it "So Jerrica you want to be a man?" ;p

Saving up for Thailand and Suporn would be nice but money tight as I keep spending it lol

Imagine lists there too but might have a wee look at the section on the forum for it.

Still impossible dreams is what we do so who knows.

Hope y'all have a great Friday ♡
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on June 11, 2016, 12:48:33 PM
Hi girls,

Its been a while since I've posted anything, so just checking in and updating.  That being said, I do pop in most days to read updates.

I just got my letter from my therapist to start HRT on Thursday.  I have an appointment with the doctor on the 12 of July.  Looking to see if I can get my family doctor to prescribe the lab work so that it will be covered by my insurance.  Last thing I need is to pay lab work out of pocket addition to everything else.

My wife and I will have our third child sometime this coming week.  She is scheduled to be induced on Wednesday if she doesn't go into labor before then. So things will be rather busy here over the next few weeks.

I present how i wish to on most days. I'm out to most people who matter. Nobody particularly cares.  My friends are cool with it. My mom is accepting of it.  We still have to tell my wife's parents and my father. Her parents should be okay. My father is extremely unlikely to be. Ultimately it's my wife and my kids that i care about. The rest will be dealt with as necessary. I'm still not out at work. I will cross that bridge when I need to. I work in a restaurant and i know that as soon as I tell one person everyone will know. I recently talked with my boss about the potential of becoming a shift manager, but the conversation was informal and undocumented.  Despite the company having a policy of non-discrimination,  until there is some form of documentation about I would have no means of recourse right now should my general manager choose to deny me the promotion based upon my transgender status.  So work will have to wait until a more appropriate time.

Otherwise things are good here and life is chugging along.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 13, 2016, 01:16:55 PM
Hey Amber glad to hear all going well and that you can basically live as you please which is what it's all about in the end.

Major gratz for starting HRT on Thursday must be like waiting for Christmas for you right now lol.

Defo good plan to get promotion on paper just in case.

I'm weaning myself off the net a bit as it's pretty quiet and life is just so busy. The world's kinda gone "Ok you're a girl now get back to work!!!" and I can so live with that lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 13, 2016, 07:36:24 PM
Lol... funny thing Jerrica, totally feel ya!!!

So, I wanted to tell Amber that that is wonderful, I am glad things are going so well. I tried the other day but apparently I didn't hit send... on another note, I went out, like to a bar, and got ladies night specials!!! Men let me into the gender neutral restroom first even though they had been waiting, and held doors for me. I was Soooo scared at first, but I went into an adult store that I feel safe in and the woman I know wasn't working, but I asked anyway.... if she knew of a trans friendly bar... the look of surprise on her face was freaking priceless!!!! She said she didn't know, and called another store, they didn't know either so we just went downtown and picked one. The man at the door smiled at me both before AND after seeing my ID, and the whole experience was phenomenal. Then apparently my wife heard the people at the table next to us talking horribly about trans people, not even knowing that I was!!! She called them bigots and made them all feel very small, and they still didn't even know... they apologized for offending us "ladies" and said they didn't really think negatively, they were just "poking fun". When my wife pointed out how hurtful it could be they looked like children... lol.... so, I have been exceptionally happy for two days now. I have been loving my art self so much, that I actually see a woman in the mirror even without makeup or a wig.

You girls don't even know how much you have helped me to get this far!! Thank you all for being here and being my friends!!!!

We miss you Amber, sorry I suck at email... I treat them like text messages....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 13, 2016, 10:00:50 PM
We'll, it's all about to hit the fan... I got home from work, took a shower and got pretty... then, I found out I had to go to the store.... then, I ran into my daughters friends step mom... no problem... then had to go get gas where everybody knows me... no problem.... got home, my daughters friends dad was here... I'm sure he saw me but he left.... his other daughter saw me for the first time (she called me pretty, I don't think she knows who I am) so problem... but... my son's friend is over and was like "that is Taj".... now he is going home.... I think he and her are going to tell the neighborhood.... so.... the cat is about to be surely out of the bag..................................

I.... AM....SCARED......
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 13, 2016, 11:06:14 PM
Hey everyone. It's been a bit since I was on here. Tasha, sounds like you had quite a time. Glad it went well. I had quite a weekend too. I was pretty much Jenny full time!  Saturday, we had our monthly clothing swap at the local gender identity center where I got an awesome purple dress that I really like. I donated quite a few items to the cause too. We had our support group meeting and then we all went out to a local diner and stayed until around 11:30pm. I felt completely comfortable. The next day was a day I had need looking forward too. I met up with some friends from the center to go shopping. We met for lunch first at Olive Garden and had a great meal. Nobody paid any attention to us. Afterwards I went to the ladies room for the very first time. So then we went shopping. Oh did we girls have fun!  We started at a store that specialized in makeup and asked one of the makeup artists there to give us some pointers. She helped us determine good foundation shades for us and recommended many other items that we asked her opinion of. She was great. I am sure she knew we were all trans but she didn't care in the least!  Then we went to Ross which was in walking distance, even in heels. We all shopped to our hearts delight. I even felt completely comfortable browsing the bra section. I tried on several items by using the ladies fitting rooms. We went to a few more stores and by the end of the day we were tired but extremely happy. We didn't want the day to end so we all decided to go to a movie. Several firsts for me that day. Ladies restroom, trying on clothes, trying on clothes in the ladies fitting room, and going to a movie as Jenny. What a day!  I am really wishing I could go more full time. I am so happy when I am Jenny but of course had to go to work today in drab. Ugh. Tomorrow I am working from home and going to the center again tomorrow night. I have no intentions of wearing any male clothing tomorrow what so ever. I tried on all the clothes I bought tonight and was having so much fun. Before I started all this, I never liked shopping or shopping for clothes for that matter. I guess it was because I was shopping for male clothes before. So boring. I love the variety women get to wear and I am too because I am a woman, dammit!

Jenny
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 13, 2016, 11:11:40 PM
Beware woman, once it becomes fun it gets expensive fast!!! Lol.... I am glad you had such a great time Jenny, it really does make you feel like a million bucks right??!! So wonderful you get to experience life!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 13, 2016, 11:14:39 PM
Oh trust me I know. I've gotta slow down soon. More like. Billion bucks. God, I have never felt like this in my life!  Oh I know I am on a high right now and it will have its ups and downs but for now, I am just loving it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 14, 2016, 12:38:42 AM
Loving your life Tasha sounds wild with clubs and all. Totally get the seeing yourself in the mirror I too see me even first thing in the morning with hair everywhere.

Hope the universe is kind to you now the cats out of the bag. The way I see it we're owed plenty of good luck.

So glad you're having so much fun as Jenny. Likewise we are long overdue it and so satisfying just to finally be yourself. That little bit of us advice all of us heard all our life but just couldn't do.

It's good to be living your own life ♡
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 14, 2016, 12:46:31 AM
So, the world did not explode, and one of my neighbors is now friends with the real me on facebook!!!! Yay!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 14, 2016, 01:35:09 AM
Hi girls,
   Jenny and tasha I'm so happy to hear you've had such great experiences going out. I know for me the more i went out and didn't run into any difficulties the more comfortable I got. So I think it is really great that you are having similar experiences. Perhaps the biggest demons are in our own heads? A sort of manifestation of our own fears.

Amber that's great things are moving along for you. Hormones are big and exciting step in this whole process.

Shopping..... i had someone caution me on doing too much "shopping therapy" but it's hard when there are so many cute shoes and clothes..

I have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow and the timing couldn't be better. With the speed bump from Endo and school... Only a week in and I'm already struggling. Partly just getting into the grooove of being a student. But also from old ghosts coming back to haunt me. When I was 19 i was in a car accident and among other thing suffered a brain injury. the brain injury is creating some barriers that I have to find a way to work around. I'm not giving up but I got some work to do now. Goodnight girls take care love ya
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 14, 2016, 11:31:59 PM
Keep it up Sarah! I am glad you have an appointment, I really want to get one too.... even funnier thing, my daughters other friends dad showed up looking for her last night and caught me too... he was really cool about it, and is an ally.... his words.... he had to come back after our short conversation to tell me that he won't tell anyone (though obviously he told his wife).... that is funny too, because earlier in the night, she totally saw me, made eye contact, and later asked Hannah and her friend who the beautiful woman was that was driving them around. And the only reason her friends dad knew is because I told him, he introduced himself to me, and I was just like Ummm, I know...  and spilled it. Wonderful night!!!
  We'll my phone is being an a-hole, so I'll reply to you all in a while after it charges for a bit.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 14, 2016, 11:41:52 PM
That is amasing Tasha!
You have hadthe complete oposite reactions from people so far, as regards what you thought!
And Amber it was good to see you post here again! You are now counting down the days too i guess, im on the 11th!
Sarah you must push threw the okward start of college new girl thing,
Has everyone been good about the trans thing, or are people oblivious to it? Or are people in general nowadays much less likely to be dicks!
Im curious!
I will be dressed up for my apointement next month, and I get so nervous! :S
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 15, 2016, 01:19:23 AM
Another great experience Tasha, that's so great. It's always so nice when people surprise us and are more understanding then we ever imagined. Don't forget... at the end of the rainbow is a pot of gold.  ;D  :o

As for college I'm doing it online. For work I really just have to be there so they are ok with me working on my school while I'm there. I figured that way I could make my time there a little more productive then just watching tv and Netflix. I was also under the impression that I would have a little more time to do it. that, unfortunately, isn't the case. It's an 11 month program in class and online.

Christine Sadly it's more then just a "start of college new girl thing." I know from, well life, but from assessments my memory, concentration, endurance etc are below average. It's also been, I don't know, 12 - 13 years since the last time I had to do all the psychological assessments. I would be curious where I'm at now. There is so much to learn and it's all new to me so it's that much more challenging. take care girls.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 15, 2016, 01:32:31 AM
Some good news once you start hormones they say that our ability to learn increases at least for a time. As with everything it will likely be a YMMV thing but every chance of a boost is great.

Could be any number of things but languages for me I just didn't get. Now I'm recalling and using bits of French and German I picked up as a kid and it's all so easy now maybe there's something to it. Could be down to my brain repairs too but I'll take it either way.

Still procrastinating must check college courses!!!!

Glad you're all here to inspire me :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 15, 2016, 01:38:17 AM
We'll, you seem to be an astoundingly intelligent person when you speak here Sarah, it seems to me that you will do just fine!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 15, 2016, 06:58:55 AM
Hey everyone. Just wanted to check in. Glad things are going well for you. I am really itching to be full time. I am so happy when I am Jenny but depressed when I have to revert back for work and stuff. Feeling much more comfortable out. As I mentioned on fb, I went to Target yesterday for some jeans. Walked right into the ladies fitting room like I owned it. Had dinner with my local GIC girlfriends last night. So much fun being out as Jenny. Talk to you soon. Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 16, 2016, 01:47:59 PM
Great that you are getting to spend more time as Jenny but can only imagine your pain at having to change back as it is something I can't do and fortunately would never want to.

Might be a bit extreme but if it came right down to it and there was no way to get my meds I know I'd sooner take a real death as me before allowing myself to live the living death of becoming him again.

Whoooo that's kinda morbid ok moving on..... shopping!!!

Big fan of retail therapy defo need more money and more time off work to shop and play :)

I look forward to the day everything is done and I have no more expenses for fixing my body. Gonna feel rich and catch up for all the missed time. Shopping, meals out (modest lest I get fat), holidays, day trips, picnics, sightseeing in short everything.

Going to be soooooo good. Always nice to think about someday especially if things ever get difficult. I love to think about holidays now want to see the world and take cheesey photos at every famous place I can think of.

EuroDisney next year for first ever family holiday abroad then who knows...... maybe Thailand lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 16, 2016, 01:53:37 PM
I will get there someday. Baby steps. I want to have been on hormones before I come out at work. It is depressing having to switch back and forth. As soon as I get home, Jenny comes back. I start laser next week starting on my face. I am hoping soon I will be able to be Jenny without so much makeup. Right now, I have to put the makeup on if I go out in public since my beard shows through even if I shaved seconds ago. I have quite a bit of dark hair so am hopeful that laser will get most of it. Keep positive. Glad to hear from you. Jenny.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 16, 2016, 01:59:12 PM
Yeah step at a time the only way for all things especially body and people stuff.

The dark hair light skin combo is ideal for laser so fingers crossed.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 16, 2016, 11:40:09 PM
I get how you feel Jerrica, I wouldn't want to go back either. I do however think I could if I had to, I would rather live uncomfortably than not live... too much to live for to give it up.... that being said, I am glad we don't have to give it up.... EXTREMELY glad!!!

Just popping on to say high ladies, been a busy couple of weeks... quite burned out at the moment....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 17, 2016, 02:28:52 AM
To stop my hormones I believe would cause the restored neurological pathways to atrophy crippling me all over again. My recovery has been miraculous and there is no guarantee I'd ever heal a second time so defo not an option.

Sounds a bit schizo but he wasn't me. Between reduced brain development (emotional, sensory, creative, communication issues and even fine motor skills. Intellect was strangely unaffected.) due to lack of E combined with corrupted growth from T and ongoing T intoxication to the extent it would be similar to being brain damaged then drugged for life.

Best albeit lesser example would be waking up after your worst ever night on alcohol and looking at the memories seeing something that looked a bit like you being an ass and doing horrible things. Looking at it and knowing you'd never be allowed to be sober again and never even know anything was wrong after today would you take it?

Can't prove a thing of course but from my own experiences it all fits.

My family and I deserve better so have sworn to all I'll never let it happen.

In a way it actually makes things ridiculously simple for me as being me or not isn't really a choice. Everything else is just details.

It is life or death.

Love my life and my family with all my heart and soul but there are things worse than death.

As you say though it is good that we don't have to go back as I'd put up one hell of a fight as would my family (even my wife ♡) if anyone tried to do that to me.

That thought of everyone rallying round to make a last stand with me makes me feel very happy and a bit weepy :)

Have a fabulous Friday all!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 17, 2016, 07:30:05 AM
Jerrica, I am glad you are able to choose Jerrica and not death. The world would be missing a vital part of it without you in it. I am so glad I get to talk to you all. It has helped me so much. I hope I can start my long journey toward the real me soon too. I am really anxious to find out how the HRT affects me. Still have not told my family yet but feel I need to soon. I am so much more happy as Jenny and I hope she can take over soon. Have a great Friday and weekend if I don't talk to you before. Jenny makes me smile every time I see her in the mirror.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 17, 2016, 07:42:22 AM
Thanks Jenny but don't worry I plan to live forever. So far so good :)

Glad you are able to enjoy yourself and look forward to hearing about your experiences when you get your hormones. For me even I didn't know how broken I was or how much I had lost until it was all given back to me then continued to grow.

Today's mission..... swimsuit shopping.

Got a holiday in 9 days and we know I can't go swimming in shorts. Sooooo need to find something that's me and test drive going swimming a few times alone to work on my self confidence.

Got my eye on one and just hope they have it in stock.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 17, 2016, 07:51:08 AM
Awesome!  I bet you will look great! :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 17, 2016, 08:11:33 AM
Fingers crossed but I am feeling a lot better about my body as I get closer to getting my BMI under 20. New gym gear & tops were a massive confidence boost. If I behave I should easily hit target before holiday. After that knowing me I'll probably set a new lower target but it has to be done lol.

Don't know whether it was that few days of sun, new supplements or extra calories but tip of pony now reaching over 4".

Everything seems to be coming together perfectly. Hope I don't jinx my luck.

Right I better try to make it look like I've actually done some work today before leaving early to go shopping  ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 17, 2016, 08:36:34 AM
ok, now.  If you get to show yourself to the world in a bathing suit, then there should be no reason not to show us a nice picture of yourself too sometime.  I am sure you look fantastic considering how much work you have done to lose the weight.  :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 17, 2016, 08:46:48 AM
I have been thinking about putting a few on FB but will need to be careful.

"A bad photograph lives longer than vampires" Erica Raymond (Jem movie)

We'll see but not making any promises.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 17, 2016, 08:47:46 AM
Hmmmmm might be able to do some kinda private-ish album on FB. Will play with it later.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 17, 2016, 08:50:05 AM
Oh, I am so excited!

emote...  happy girl clapping her hands!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 17, 2016, 08:51:02 AM
lol you might live to regret that enthusiasm.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 17, 2016, 09:28:57 AM
Highly doubt it. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 17, 2016, 09:45:48 PM
Especially your wife I would hope. I don't think you are wrong for feeling that way, I just think that you will always have value. I couldn't give up no matter what, I put my family and kids so far above my happiness that I would push on as I have for 35 years....

Again though, I would hate to lose you, so I am glad you don't have to go back!!

Final thought, I love all of you and really appreciate all of the support that you have given me, and I can only hope that I am half as helpful to all of you!! I know we are all women, but I still celebrate fathers day, so to any of you who do as well, I hope you have a wonderful fathers day weekend!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 17, 2016, 09:48:51 PM
I am a father as well and probably will be always. Thanks and happy Father's Day to you too!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 18, 2016, 03:55:10 AM
Thanks Tasha he did have his uses and we (I was reduced to being a whisper in my own mind but was listened to on occassion) did amazingly well given our condition.

It's kinda complicated to explain but the whilst the lack of E simply crippled me and prevented my development the T effectively gave another presence in my mind that was more like a demon than an animal. Under the control of the wrong hormones what was left of my mind was becoming increasingly distorted. So slowly I never even noticed.... I do wonder how much longer my core would have lasted if I hadn't got lucky.

Might try to do a short piece about it later but my early explanations for family turned into a small book. Could be handy if anyone ever has trouble sleeping.

Fathers Day I am looking forward to especially my eldest daughters gift. She's writing a book called "Why Rebecca Helena ____ is the best Dad ever" :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 18, 2016, 06:44:15 AM
That is so sweet Jerrica. Happy Father's Day.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 18, 2016, 10:13:02 AM
Totally blessed, 11 years old and without her I might not have made it back at all.

Funny how someone so young can change the world so much.

Very proud to be her Dad (and her little brother and sister too ofc).

She's happy to have her Dad being a girl so I'm delighted to be the girl that is her Dad ♡

Happy Fathers Day to all whether fathers or kids :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 21, 2016, 12:40:07 AM
Hi girls

sounds like you all are doing good which is great to hear. just a little update and then I'm off to bed. So, I spoke to the Endocrinologist last friday and she said my blood work looked fine. however she was unable to call in a prescription because there was no pharmacy on file for me. She said she would send a letter to my family doctor with the details and follow up care instructions. So just waiting for him to receive it so I can go in and get my prescription for Spiro.

There are some system (gov't healthcare) issues with me getting estrogen. Basically I just need a mental health eval but one that they will accept. Which sounds so simple but we all know what gov't bureaucracy is like. Which means it's far from simple.  The one upside to this is they are talking and querying things. Hopefully my difficulty will get some things sorted out and answer so that people in the future don't have the same difficulties.

I'm really enjoying my courses I find them very interesting. One is child growth and development and the other is a counseling course. However as interested as I am in them I'm behind and desperately trying to catch up and deal with my learning challenges. So, for at least the next week and maybe a bit I probably won't be on here much. I will try and check in between other things. take care girls.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 21, 2016, 12:43:08 AM
Congrats on your progress Sarah, and good luck on your courses.... stick with it and be persistent!!! You will do fine. Glad you are enjoying them too, as that is  why important. Talk to you soon!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 21, 2016, 02:04:44 AM
Glad things moving forwards for you and confident you'll manage to catch up on your coursework. Liking your subject is a major plus which should defo help when brain drain sets in. Just don't forget to look after the rest of you to recharge.

Liked an Oprah quote seen online "Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do."

Kinda sums us all up really.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 21, 2016, 05:35:31 AM
Thats great news on the spiro atleast Sarah! Atleast the T will be gone, that is the main thing for now
And hopefully you get on alright with the course!
Im just counting the days now... 20 to go!
I will hopefully get on something then!
The wait is sickening!
I hope yous is all OK!
I have nothing special to say right now, alot of work and not much play :'(
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 21, 2016, 07:25:05 AM
Yes, that's at least progress to get the spiro. Further than I am. Glad to hear you school going well too!  I am on a bit of a high right now since I came out to my sister lady night and she is totally on board. She said she is going to help me address it with my parents and other sister as that might be more of a challenge to get them to be ok with it. Keep up the good work!  Talk to you soon. Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 21, 2016, 07:25:55 AM
Last night. Not lady night. Gotta love spell check


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 21, 2016, 07:26:43 AM
Although I guess. It was pretty much a lady night. Hehe


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 21, 2016, 09:44:16 PM
Lol... way to go Jenny!!! And I was thinking the same thing about lady night..... it feels freakin wonderful right!?!?

And I feel you Christine, my life is insane right now, I was just checking on real quick to make sure I wasn't being neglectful of someone in need of support.... I am glad things are going so well for us all right now.....

Talk to you all soon!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 21, 2016, 11:26:30 PM
Oh its been tight going these last few weeks, I just hope that this bears fruit, I'v been waiting and waiting, and now I'm starting to fear they wont give me anything, I need blockers now!! :S
Thinking about T in my system makes me feel panicy and nervous!
I need it to end now!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 22, 2016, 12:29:03 AM
Hi girls,
Jenny for a second,till i fully looked, i thought someone new had joined in; you look great.

Yeah I'm definitely looking forward to the spiro. it's progress as you all mentioned. the plus side it will get rid of a lot of hair. but I was really looking forward to the feminizing effects of estrogen, especially on my face. Christine, I hope you have more luck then I did. I know the waiting is so enough to drive you crazy. I can't complain that much things have been moving along pretty good.

So, I identify myself as Sarah and consider myself a women but I'm struggling with the references for aunts, uncles grand parants etc. meaning going from being a nephew or grandson to niece and grand daughter and identifying myself as such. I took my grandma out today to do some running around and in one place the women helping her referred to me as "this person." which isn't perfect but at least she didn't refer to me with a masculine word. I also didn't look that passable. damn lack of estrogen.

Thanks Tasha for checking in on us. You all take care.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 22, 2016, 04:10:14 PM
Thanks Sarah. That picture is definitely my favorite now. My sister told my other sister about me (with my permission). So far it's not going too well. She said she needs to process the news. Not sure if I will get support from her. I was doubtful to begin with. She tends to take stuff as if it is all about her but of course this is me. Not sure if she will come around or not. We will see. I am doing this with or without her support. There has been tension in our family in the past and this is just another example. Trying not to let it get me down. I love Jenny and she is my destiny. Talk to you later. I will keep you posted.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 22, 2016, 05:31:31 PM
It really is a great pic!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 22, 2016, 05:32:35 PM
Sorry about your sister, I think we all get at least one person like that to deal with, let us hope that is the only one!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 22, 2016, 05:34:18 PM
Thanks Tasha!  Yep. Hopefully she just needs time.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 22, 2016, 09:14:37 PM
Yeah hoepfully your sister comes around. it's a big change and sometimes people just need some time to adjust.

On some happy news I got my spiro. so exciting.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 22, 2016, 10:18:35 PM
Very cool!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 22, 2016, 11:17:58 PM
It is definitly a great pic Jenny! :')
Seen it on facebook, and so far it sounds pretty good your coming out to your sisters!
And thats great news on the Spiro Sarah, a week and your T will be well down!! :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 23, 2016, 03:31:34 AM
Looking good Jenny and hope the sis comes around. By the time we tell people we've already sorted ourselves out so only fair we give others as much time as they need. Just let them know you are fine with them being shocked or needing time to process and that you'll be there when they are ready.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on June 23, 2016, 02:56:05 PM
Hi girls, time for some updates.  We had our baby last Thursday. He is healthy and happy and so is my wife.  I had to spend a few days in full guy mode, but nothing unbearable.  I just spoke with my family doctor about scheduling the labs my endo will need.  I am going out of network and paying out of pocket for his services.  The last thing I need is to get saddled with a huge lab bill on top of everything else.  She agreed and ordered them for me.  Things are finally moving forward there.

The waiting hasn't been too terrible.  I have had plenty to keep me busy.  The pregnancy and such, my kids, and work.  Now I am starting to feel the wait.  July 12 will be here soon enough.

On the job front I am definitely a candidate to move up.  My boss has already spoken with the district manager about me.  Now I have to start considering my options carefully about when and how to come out.  Like everything else I will play it by ear and hopefully things will turn out.

Anyway Tata for now.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 23, 2016, 08:27:26 PM
Great news!!! Always nice to hear of things going so well :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 24, 2016, 12:16:31 AM
Nice to hear from you Amber. Congratulations on the baby boy and it's great that things are moving along for hormones.

Good news on the job front too. All in all it sounds like things are going pretty good for you. That's great to hear.

I got my certificate of change of name today but I will have to wait until next week to start changing things. I need a letter to change my gender and my psychologist is off until next week. She didn't want to give it to me too soon and have them say that the letter was too old. Anyways a few more days isn't going to kill me. I was actually surprised it got it already figured it would be a little longer but was hoping it would be in the next month. So I'm not complaining.

Day two on spiro and I've had a headache off and on all day. it's kind of annoying. On the doctors advice I've only taken a half dose (1 tablet) so far but I''m thinking of taking the full dose tomorrow. One in the morning and one at night.  take care girls.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 24, 2016, 07:32:54 AM
Sarah, did you start spiro on the same dY I did?  I technically started yesterday. Maybe we are just. Day off

Amber, I don't think we have met. My name is Jenny. Nice to meet you. Amber is the name of my first serious girlfriend so you make me think back a bit when I see your name. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 24, 2016, 07:34:50 AM
We are doing a glamour photo shoot at an outdoor mountain park tomorrow. Can't wait. We have a real photographer, makeup person and even a model to help us pose properly. Should be fun!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 24, 2016, 01:46:35 PM
The photo shoot, That's so awesome jenny! Such a great idea and it would be so much fun. Can't wait to see the pics.

Today is day three for me on Spiro. The headache has subsided for the most part but still there a bit. Starting to want to pee a lot more but don't pee much. Maybe i need to drink more water.  *shrugs*
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 24, 2016, 01:52:17 PM
Interesting!  I had forgotten about the fact that is a diuretic.  Makes sense now.  I have gone several times already this morning(and could probably go again).  Might lose some water weight.  Haven't felt anything else yet.  Hopefully I wont get the headache.  I am excited that I am finally on my way at least.  Wish they gave me E, but oh well.  Need to be patient I guess.  Also waiting to see results from my laser session last Wednesday.  Friends say it will take about a week for the hair to start falling out.  So far, still have to shave as normal.  Cant wait for it to go away so I don't have to put so much makeup on.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 24, 2016, 02:35:07 PM
Staying hydrated always a good plan even moreso if changing your body and taking a diuretic. Could explain the headaches depending on how much you usually drink.

Given our bodies are mostly water it's amazing just how much good drinking enough of it can do.

Photo shoot a great idea (it's on my someday list but it's a biiiig list).

Great yous have got your Spiro which is still a good step forward. Who knows maybe they'll review after 3 month blood test and maybe even add E.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 24, 2016, 07:10:48 PM
Amber, it is good to hear from you and definitely congrats on your baby boy!!!

Glad to hear that so many of us are taking forward steps and doing well!!!

On another note, I got drunk and came out to my older sister the other night, and shortly after when the shots kicked in I apparently thought it would be a good idea to out myself on facebook. Hasn't gone too badly, one person that I have known for 20 years is a Dick about it but I knew he would be... not close anyway..... but everyone else had my back and yelled at him for me, so I guess all who pay attention to my facebook are supportive (minus the one). Oh, and I came out to my dad as well, conservative Christian.... and he said that he just loves me.... so... YAAAAYYYY!!!!!

Well, gotta go, but thanks for being here ladies, talk to you all soon!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 24, 2016, 09:04:01 PM
That is really awesome Tasha. It makes it so much easier having friends and family that are supportive. Yeah drunk facebooking isnt usually a good idea but atleast it didnt go too badly.

I normally drink at least a liter of water a day although I don't think I've been hitting that for the last few days. Until today anyway. The headache is gone so perhaps it was a lack of water thing. but im still going to up my water intake and try and get 1.5 liters a day plus my tea.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 24, 2016, 09:28:05 PM
Lol... ya, I think it can be worse than drinking and driving lol.... but you are crazy... on a slow day I drink 4 liters minimum.... up to 8-12 on crazy hit days (I truly pee like a girl o  those days.... every 3 minutes!!!!) Lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Dena on June 24, 2016, 09:29:03 PM
Normal fluid consumption should be 2 liters (quarts) a day. With Sprio you should consider 3-4 a day and more if you are sweating it off. I have done physical labor in hot climates and without a diuretic I have gone through 8  liters a day. In addition, in a hot climate you still find you don't need to pee very often.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 25, 2016, 12:53:23 AM
Hey all, :)
Thats amasing new about your coming out Tasha, sometime alcohol can be a good thing for this, sometimes we just need the extra courage from it!
Your really lucky about your dad, did you tell him face to face?
Great new too Jenny, I want to see these photos!
And congrats to you to Amber on the baby boy, you will have your hands full these next few months! :')
Thats insane about the water situation, I would drink hardly a liter a day, I have been trying to drink more though!
Must look into what I should be drinking...
A couple of weeks more waiting too for me.. its really dragin at this point now though!
Stay strong girls!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 25, 2016, 01:44:00 AM
No, he lives a couple hours away, and we really don't talk much because I'm busy and forget, and he just doesn't call.... but I agree about the courage thing, well more like I was drunk and figured "f*ck it".... if it's too hard to deal with I'll say it was a joke.... but the next day when my wife told me about it I was just like "I did that? Well at least it's out there"..... only one person has been mean, and I not only don't care about them, but, it really didn't bother me.... the most clever thing he said was "don't get caught in the girls bathroom".... the guy is a blissfully perfect picture of ignorance.... my friends and family told him off, and I simply removed him from my facebook.... so, not too bad really..... anyway, gonna paint my nails.... night ladies!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 25, 2016, 02:32:21 AM
Ah the joys of alcohol I remember some if it well (don't drink anymore but drank enough in my 20s for several lifetimes). One of the few things that could screw up my brain enough to make me seem almost normal. Could even fit in with my family when trashed but think that says more about them than me lol. Good times too though with my 1 friend who was my gateway to the universe as he knew everyone, games & fun plenty stories to reminisce about.

Great when alcohol has positive results though instead of say waking up in the snow miles away from the pub you went to with shorts, tshirt and a half eaten kebab........ what that hasn't happened to us all ;)

Fantastic that your real friends are now known and on your side. You must be feeling absolutely amazing with all that extra fear being taken away ♡
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 25, 2016, 02:49:18 AM
Fluids I have a minimum of 1L unsweetened almond milk, 1L water and at least another 1L of redbush tea per day just via daily routines. Apart from that if I get thirsty I drink more. Fruits, soups etc can also contribute a little but sugars and salts lower their values a little.

Not much sweating to be done in Scotland though so probably need more in hot places.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 25, 2016, 06:52:27 AM
Hey Tasha. I told my sister that I painted my toe nails and she said "We don't paint our nails, we polish them". I said oh, sorry I polished them then. Lol :)

I definitely need to start drinking more especially since I am on spiro now. I don't drink near enough apparently.

Getting ready for the photo shoot today. Can't wait. Pictures will be on fb when I have them.

Jenny Rose


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 25, 2016, 07:23:47 AM
Have fun :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 25, 2016, 06:52:33 PM
Hi girls,
when I read
Quote from: Tasha_ on June 25, 2016, 01:44:00 AM
anyway, gonna paint my nails.... night ladies!!!!
I started to laugh tasha. its such a girl thing to say and it sounded so casual. which is great.

So from all my research the rule is half your body weight in ounces of water per day. That is just the base you then need to add as much as you sweat out during the day. I never used to sweat that much even when doing cardio but today I'm all sweaty and that's just going out on a warm day. Maybe because of the spiro?? I dunno I hope not, don't really want to be all sweaty and smelly all summer. take care girls I'm off to see Independence day
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 25, 2016, 08:14:16 PM
The ladies in my life say paint.... that's where I picked it up... regional probly... so.... since I came out publicly to everywhere accept work, my sis-in-law came over, and I met my wife's high school friend as Tasha.... I am feeling accepted and loved like no other today!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 26, 2016, 12:43:38 AM
Unless I cut off my penis and leave everyone I know, I will never be a woman
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 26, 2016, 12:56:24 AM
Glad to hear you hate having a good time. Just kidding on the painting of course. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 26, 2016, 01:39:40 AM
Man or woman is what's inside. My suggestion to people is if I body swapped them and they woke up in a body of the opposite gender would they consider themselves to be male or female. Thus far everyone states their preswitch gender then starts to think about how nobody else would believe them which is good for them to consider :)

The body itself can be rewritten to a point and finished with a scalpel depending on what you WANT to do with YOUR body.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 26, 2016, 01:48:46 AM
Its amasing how well everyone has taken your coming out so far Tasha, just shows you, you never know what people will do!
I had another consultation for lasser yesterday, it will cost me 450 a session, and may take up to 10 sessions!
It will be worth it though!!
And i don't have to let my beard grow! :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 26, 2016, 01:57:52 AM
Yay you for starting laser :)

I really enjoy my laser sessions and hope you do to.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 26, 2016, 02:01:32 AM
I know Jerrica, its so exciting! :')
I could here a woman screeming in pain though in the next room,
Though I have a massive pain threshold
But that will drop with hormones too!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 26, 2016, 02:07:02 AM
Yeah started like that too just didn't really feel anything but as time has gone on it has gradually got a little bit ouchy at times. Hopefully my laser like electrolysis are nearer the end than the beginning.

But like I've told them both if having my face set on fire then put out with a cricket bat would achieve my objectives I'd do it.

I'll happily take any pain and smile so long as it gives results ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 26, 2016, 09:30:38 AM
I am doing laser on my face too. Had my first session last Wednesday.  Haven't seen any results though. Hopefully I see some soon. It was only the first session so I am not expecting much yet. Good lock you all.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 26, 2016, 10:10:33 AM
How long did the redness last Jenny??
I hope if i do it on friday it will be gone by Monday
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 26, 2016, 10:45:22 AM
I never actually had any redness.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 26, 2016, 01:59:20 PM
Hi girls,
   when i had laser on my body I never had any redness either. it also didn't really hurt. although I could feel it when it zapped a hair.

wow that seems like a lot for laser christine. although I suppose it isn't that much more then here. but I only spend about 9 euros an hour for electrolysis so that my main comparison. i found a great deal which is part of the reason im sticking to the electro. take care girls
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 26, 2016, 04:49:28 PM
I got a groupon for $102 (converts to about 92 euros) for 6 sessions over a medium area (face). People have told me not to spend money on laser on anything but the face since the hormones will help lessen body hair on its own.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 26, 2016, 05:08:31 PM
I decided to laser everything figuring any faster reduction to be worth it. Like everything I'm always doing things from several angles so can't really tell whether hormones, laser, genetics or lotions and potions etc is directly responsible for losses. Only thing I'm pretty sure about is laser won't make your hair grow more so can't hurt apart from financially.

Think it can take up to 10 sessions to get about 90% clearance then finish the rest with electrolysis. As always YMMV but a reasonable guide.

I can get by about a week before my body regrowth becomes noticeable to me (I am blessed/cursed with ridiculously good eyesight) but even after 2 weeks it wouldn't be enough to flag me to others. Face can get up to 3 days before I feel yuck.

So looking forward to binning my shaving stuff except trimmer for hmmmmm...... I'm gonna go with ladyscaping in the absence of a better word. Leaving a bit of hair for decor until after GRS to keep options open (strip, triangle etc) but everything else apart from head hair, eyebrows and eyelashes is going.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 26, 2016, 05:12:38 PM
I still have not seen any reduction of hair on my face. Of course I have had only one session (last Wednesday). I hope I see some affects before it is time for the second session. We will see I guess.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 26, 2016, 05:15:34 PM
Fingers crossed but even if they don't die with the first zap it can damage them to be finer, slower and a bit easier to kill next time. 6 sessions should make a decent dent at least.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 26, 2016, 06:29:29 PM
I noticed the most dramatic reduction in hair after the first 1 - 2 sessions of laser but not much after each session thereafter. As with most things the results will vary from one person to the next so only time will tell for each of us.

The reduction in hair is really noticable for me now. But there is still a lot left on my chin down to my throat. Which is the heaviest area of facial hair that I had. It's also the darkest hair so it stands out the most. But it will disappear eventually. It is so nice to see the reduction though.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 26, 2016, 11:20:29 PM
Its pretty fine for me though, just leaves a shadow around my mouth!
Hopefully, they will nail them as ther quit hard to see when shaved!
She is using the YAG lasser and so I must be clean shaven, which is kind of great :') I don't have to let it grow out! :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 27, 2016, 02:08:52 AM
Another YAG customer here :)
Love that it's done with a clean shave ♡
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 27, 2016, 05:08:36 AM
And how do you feel about this YAG lasser?
Have you had redness or anything?
I might go for that first session this weekend or next!
Depends how long this redness may last?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 27, 2016, 05:41:44 AM
Sometimes a little red on top lip but what little there is disappears within a couple of hours. The skin can feel a little tender but looks normal. He does tell me that he uses a high setting seeing as it doesn't hurt me though.

Or at least it didn't before but armpit a little tender last time (think due more to rough last minute shave than the laser itself)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 27, 2016, 07:17:54 AM
I didn't have redness at all and it was a YAG. Still no results from Wednesday's session though.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 27, 2016, 03:45:23 PM
So I've heard of different laser but never really researched into them beyond that. So from what I've read YAG lasers are good if you have darker skin and is most effective at destroying hairs at the root. downside is they usually require more treatments for optimal results and can be more painful on the skin. they also don't work well on fine hair.

So i went for my electrolysis today but because I started taking Spironolactone they won't do it on me. Nor will they do laser. it's a school so they are extra cautious about who they do things on. It's mainly 'cause it's used to treat acne. They are concerned about the effects it has on skin but I'm not aware of any. So I don't know. but I am seriously bummed out now.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on June 27, 2016, 03:49:59 PM
Bummer. Hope you can find another location. Good luck!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 27, 2016, 11:38:54 PM
Oh no Sarah!! My lasser girls warned me about this too!
I hope whatever they put me on it wont stop the lasser.
It is apparently to do with the photosomething affects that some treatments have on the skin. It may become more sensitive or something.
I will have to find out.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 28, 2016, 12:31:36 AM
No problems with Spiro for laser or electrolysis as far as I know. Still having both done. Guess school just being over cautious. Whilst they can call the acne angle on Spiro fresh fruit can be used to treat that too lol.

As always no idea about other people but no issues so far for me and Andrew (laser) & Gillian (electro) both fully aware of what I'm on just because we chat. Both very good and knowledgeable in their fields if there were any risks they would have told me. Will ask next time I'm in but be a couple of weeks as on holiday now.

Guessing school not got much experience with trans clients.

Hope they RTFM and change their mind.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 29, 2016, 12:52:46 AM
Yeah it was absolutely devastating christine. I don't enjoy doing it much but I never realized how important it was to me.

Yeah I said that the whole acne thing was new and probably if it was hormonal. She said if I got a note from my doctor it would be ok. then she said she would check the book for laser and if it was listed there then she couldn't let the students do it at all. So I was hopeful but unfortunately it was listed.  :icon_anger:

I haven't found anything online about it being an issue and since you are getting it Jerrica there is hope. The only thing i've seen is that it can dry out the skin which makes sense since it makes you pee so much. Just gotta stay hydrated. I'm thinking if I can find some official information about it not being a problem that I can get them to change their mind.  it'll take me forever to get it finished if I have to pay professional rates.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on June 29, 2016, 01:27:24 AM
My skin is in the best shape of its life. Cleansing & moisturising twice a day nothing fancy. Slight dryness on elbows from time but probably more to do with arms bring uncovered these days (used to wear a long sleeved jacket all the time at first to hide fat a dozen or so years ago but later to hide my figure).

Pity about their rule but should be easy to confirm you are taking it for HRT not acne.

I know broken or damaged skin can't be worked on which makes sense of course but meds really shouldn't. If it did I would lie ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on July 11, 2016, 06:09:45 AM
Hey, girls!!
I had my appointment, and had blood tests and all done, will recieve prescription in the post after they annalise the blood test results, will be on Androcur full dose, and Estradiol patches that she will slowly work up!
I am soooooo happy, I could cry!
I hope you girls are all ok!
Talk soon, Christine!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on July 11, 2016, 06:11:28 AM
Fantastic news :-D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on July 11, 2016, 06:56:24 AM
Awesome Christine!  Congrats!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on July 11, 2016, 07:30:04 AM
Thanks you guys, I haven't a clue what to expect!, hopefully the blood work gives me the go ahead! :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on July 11, 2016, 05:16:31 PM
That's fantastic Christine.  I already have my lab work done and my appointment with the endo is tomorrow.  Nothing abnormal in the results so I can't foresee any reason I won't get a prescription.  The last part of the wait is killer, isn't it?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on July 11, 2016, 11:16:12 PM
Ha I know Amber, but its over now, I can relax.
We all seem to have started around the same time, it crazy! :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on July 12, 2016, 01:16:32 AM
Yay Christine!!! I am so happy for you!!! I actually just now got an appt with a therapist.... I've got to figure out how I should proceed. But you all are doing awesome and I am glad you are all getting to take steps forward!!!

G'night ladies!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on July 12, 2016, 05:59:58 PM
I'm glad to hear that you are going to see a therapist and figure things out more Tasha.  Turns out the rabbit hole was much deeper than you anticipated.

I walked away from my appointment with a Rx for Spiro and patches.  Unfortunately I won't get the patches until tomorrow.  There was a mix up and the dr office closed before the pharmacy could get it fixed.  At least I got the Spiro.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, but at least I've started.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on July 16, 2016, 05:09:19 PM
For sure, but my biggest problem is figuring out how to reconcile new life and old... that and am feeling a little guilty right now because my wife and daughter have both lost friends in the last week because of my identity. I know intellectually that it's not my fault, and that I am not in any sort of wrong, but, I can't help but feel bad, and that makes it even harder. Hopefully my therapist can help me to build an arsenal of tools to deal with everything a bit better and with less bitterness toward our bigoted and hateful society. Not to say it is all that way, just enough to ruin things for a lot of people.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on July 29, 2016, 08:26:14 AM
Hey girls!!, how is everyone?? Thought I would check in, pretty much 2 weeks on HRT already, not a thing to report though... lol
Hope yous are all doing ok
Hugs, Christine
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on July 29, 2016, 08:00:01 PM
Just over two weeks on hrt.  Skin is starting to become very soft and silky, especially on my legs.  They are softer than my wife's.  Breast buds are starting and one of my nipples no longer looks like a guy's nipple.  I still have sexual function, though morning wood is very occasional now.  Libido is still present.  It's not diminished, it's just easier to ignore.  My mood has leveled out considerably.  I can't say I'm happier, but the negativity and depression is far less deep.  Also, my moods stabilize much faster.  So far it's a good change.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: jujubes1986 on July 29, 2016, 09:57:39 PM
Quote from: amberwaves on July 29, 2016, 08:00:01 PM
Just over two weeks on hrt.  Skin is starting to become very soft and silky, especially on my legs.  They are softer than my wife's.  Breast buds are starting and one of my nipples no longer looks like a guy's nipple.  I still have sexual function, though morning wood is very occasional now.  Libido is still present.  It's not diminished, it's just easier to ignore.  My mood has leveled out considerably.  I can't say I'm happier, but the negativity and depression is far less deep.  Also, my moods stabilize much faster.  So far it's a good change.

congratz
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on July 29, 2016, 11:09:34 PM
Congrats to you both!!! I am very happy for you!!! I am doing okay, have sewn the therapist twice now and they are willing to help me to do whatever I decide I want/need to.... life is still pretty alright for me....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on July 29, 2016, 11:17:44 PM
Glad to see you girls are moving along. I have been on spiro a little over a month now. Morning wood is a thing of the past if not rare. I hope to get my E by the end of August. Keep your fingers crossed!  Had two laser sessions so far on my face but no real results yet. Will just keep going. Take care girls.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on July 30, 2016, 12:05:15 AM
Thats pretty cool you noticed all that Amber, I haven't noticed anything yet, maybe the odd tingle in my nipples, but that could be anything
My emotions haven't changed either.

I hope you and your therapist work out a sensse of direction for you Tasha, to know wher you are headed what you want and wher you see yourself down the line, I'm sure you will figure it out.

And thats nice to here Jenny, those bugers can be annoying ha,they mean no harm... but annoying all the same.
I wonder how Sarah is with school and all, hope shes alright
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on July 30, 2016, 01:01:36 AM
The facial hair is the absolute worst!!! Mine still grows way to fast, and I have been getting bad razor burn from trying to get a close shave lately. It is really making me nuts recently and making it hard to want to go as myself in public... buuut..... I am starting to get to the point of not really caring if people know that I am transgender.... as long as they use the right pronouns!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on July 30, 2016, 02:19:17 AM
Oh i know Tasha, it is the absolute most horrible thing big black ring around the mouth :@ 450 a session for me, its really hardto give that money away!
I haven't yet but I know I must
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on July 30, 2016, 02:31:57 AM
I am still waiting to borrow my moms no!no! and see if it helps at all....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on July 30, 2016, 02:37:46 AM
Is it a type of laser? Or tweezer effect?
If it tweezes im not sure its a good idea on beard D:
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on July 30, 2016, 03:30:36 AM
I think it's a home light pulse technology.... sometimes I wonder if I should ask about waxing my face lol....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on July 31, 2016, 10:17:30 PM
I know the feeling. I have had two laser treatments on my face and still have to shave twice a day if I want to go out at night as myself. Of course they all say it will take several sessions but I just wish it would go away!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on August 03, 2016, 04:29:23 AM
Hi Girls,
   Been just over 5 weeks for me on Spiro and no idea when i will get E. as you both mentioned no more spontaneous erections although perfectly functional if i want. I think the biggest change is mental. I don't really have any erotic thoughts/fantasies anymore. I NEVER have any strong desire to have sex. Which is a big change from before. My nails are growing a lot slower now. And it sometimes seems like my body hair isn't growing as fast but I'm not really sure. I think i'm just being wishful 'cause I hate it so much. that's about it. sadly without E I'm not going to get any big feminizing changes.  :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2:

i stumbled across an interesting story of a CIS man that had grown breast and had all the feminizing effects of taking E but he wasn't transitioning. he went to doctor after doctor an none of them could figure it out. He finally went to a doctor that wouldn't give up... So as it turned out this guy was drinking 3 liters of soy milk a day and had estrogen levels higher then an average CIS women. I've been drinking soy milk for a long time but nowhere near that much and I don't plan to. however, I have increased the amount I consume to about a liter a day. I'm not really expecting any changes but I figure it can't hurt and if it boosts my estrogen levels even a little then that's a good thing.

On the bright side my name change is done. I'm so happy about it. all the major things are done, birth certificate, driver license, SIN (Social Insurance Number) banking, work etc. I also changed the gender marker so everything says i'm Female.  ;D ;D still got some things to update but nothing critical or at all urgent.

As for school christine, i withdrew from the program. I was having such a hard time getting through my studies. it just got too upsetting and depressing. after so many good experiences transitioning it seemed like it would be a waste to throw myself off a bridge because of school. So, no more school. I haven't eliminated the possibility of going back in the future but I need to work some things out. hope you all are doing good.

Sarah
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 22, 2016, 12:11:38 PM
Ah Sarah you did right with the school idea, no point stressing over it! It would be nice to do I think to, but I'm pretty sure I would just mess around as I always did.
Have you gotten on E yet? Or have you a date to start?
I have just passed my first month on Androcur and Estrodot, I dont really feel any changes bar the soft skin deminished activity down below, thank god, and my smell, I haven't noticed any real mental changes yet,
I hope you girls is all doing well, we seem to be less and less on the form as we have advanced our transitions, probably typical enough sort of thing to happen as people move on,
I took a few pics for the do I pass thread, and those I feel like thers differences but I can't tell what!
Anyhow I hope yous are all in good spirts, talk soon.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on August 23, 2016, 12:27:00 AM
Hey Christine, I was just thinking the same thing about the activity here... I guess we all just got busy dealing with things instead of talking about dealing with them.... lol.... but it is good to hear from you. I have been seeing a counselor, who pushed me to a doc that can get me on E.... but I need to get some questions answered by a professional before I take the plunge. I don't want to lose functionality in my lower half yet as I am still okay with that part of my life/body.... but I could also get recommended for top surgery from there. I am glad to hear you are moving forward.... does your hair show any difference? I would really like it if I didn't destroy sooo many razors (and especially my skin). Hoping to get to a trans event locally soon, there is a gay bar that holds events for us twice a week.... unfortunately on weekdays and 45 minutes away. Other than that, I have been in a depressive funk lately that has been hard to get out of.... hope all is going well for you!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 23, 2016, 05:29:25 AM
Hey Tasha, gald you are moving forward to, you will definitly need to talk about functionality down ther, all morning friends have disappeared, but I can get it going no bother, and I'm on a full dose blocker and half does E at the minute!
The little beard I have I find slower growing, finer and maybe softer than it used to be.
Hair on my heard is heard to tell its always been super thick, I haven't noticed a difference that way yet, but when I wash it, it takes twice as long as it used to!
Check the do i pass thread here and you will see my hair all Natural too, so proud of it :)
Hope you get out of that slump of depression Tash, what do you think is getting you down?
Hugs, Christine
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on August 24, 2016, 10:20:42 AM
Hi girls!  Long time no talk. Tasha, I love your new profile pic. Looks great!  I have my third laser session on my face today and my dr appt tomorrow where I could actually get my E. She wanted me in therapy for 6 months. I started therapy in April so September would be 6 months. Aug 25 is pretty close to September so hopefully she will say close enough. I want it so bad! Oh my gosh!  Good to hear from you both. Christine, I love how you put that. Little friends in the morning. Had to chuckle. My friends took a hike a while ago when I started on the Spiro. Today is 2 months 1 day according to my little ticker below. Talk to you all soon. Loving being myself. I am pretty much full time except when with my son and when at the office. Work could change soon. Thinking of talking to the HR lady soon. Gotta do it sometime.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 24, 2016, 12:30:49 PM
Third lasser already Jenny, how has it been? Have you noticed it deminishing? I have been so poor I haven't been able to afford it atall lately :/ its so annoying how expensive it is!
I hope they give you that E Jenny, you need it now since you have no T in your system, you nedled one or the other!
Haha , its nice though I find! Feel more right!
You are getting on great Jenny, I still haven't managed anything, but I'm starting to worry I might get noticed at work, my face is really softening.
If you talk to her I hope she is nice, I'm so feared :S
Great hearing from you too Jenny!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on August 24, 2016, 12:42:28 PM
Thanks Christine.  You look so pretty!  Heading to laser in about 30 minutes.  Didnt see any results after 2 sessions.  Hope to see something at least after the third.  I actually did a groupon for my laser sessions.  Not sure if you have coupons online like that there.  So I got 6 sessions over a medium area (face) for around $100.  Not bad.  Paid it in the beginning and at least now I don't have to pay when I get the rest of my six sessions.  I am told at work that they might be sending me to Seattle where my boss lives.  If I do go, I think I am going to come out to work.  Thinking of talking to the HR lady here soon.

Talk to you soon. 

Jenny.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 24, 2016, 12:51:10 PM
Thanks, Jenny so do you, you really look very natural, I think when people see you at work, it will all makes sense
Thats insane cheap, hear it will cost me 450 per session, :/ depressing
Aw thats cool, a change of scenery is always nice, what is it you do? I don't think I have ever asked?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on August 25, 2016, 02:15:17 AM
Hey girls,
   I'm totally stressed at the moment. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned what I do... or at least have been doing. So an uncle of mine was in a car accident a little over a year ago. So among his many injuries was a brain injury. The doctor doesn't think he is safe to be alone so there are "care givers" with him 24/7. he doesn't really require a lot of care mostly just someone around to make sure he doesn't wonder off and get lost. Anyway, when I told him and my aunt about being trans they were both good with it.

   while my aunt has been great he has developed and begun expressing a very strong desire that I not be around. He actually kicked me out of the house the other night.  My next shift the nurse came and I left because he didn't want me there. My aunt and the nurse talked to him and they sort of worked things out and he agreed to me being there. When I showed up for my shift the next day  however I walked in the door and he told me to turn around and walk back out. That was this past Monday. I've been told he doesn't feel comfortable with me there although that doesn't sound like his wording so i'm not sure what, exactly, he is saying and thinking.

   He has a lot of memory problems although it is improving and he is remembering more of the past and present. but his short term memory is still poor. he could ask you a question and five minutes later he's asking you the same question because he doesn't remember asking you before sort of thing. However, he remembers me with boobs and has for months. I know because he has talked to people about it when I'm not there. Which I'm just learning the extent of which now. 

   So, I ended up being off the last two days and I had already booked the next four days off. We are hoping that after a week break things will shift and be ok or reasonably so anyway. Who knows.

   On the bright side i volunteered for trans youth camp which I will be leaving for later today.  That's why I booked off the next four days. I like camping and out door activities, although I don't really do a lot, but it should be fun.

Christine, I still have no idea about E which is really depressing. I see my psychologist September 9 so I will talk about it with her then.

just over 2 months for the spiro. I mentioned my nails growing slower and I'm sure the hair on my head is growing a little slower. I've been watching it like a hawk since I started growing it out and it definitely hasn't added as much in the last two months compared to before. not a huge difference but enough that I can tell. I had figured I would have shoulder length hair by the end of the year but the rate it was growing it was looking like it might be more like november or even slightly sooner. but at the current rate I think it will be more like the end of the year.

I haven't noticed a huge difference in body hair yet. I got my first waxing done, since I started spiro, a couple weeks ago so we will see. the information I read it takes months and even years to see that change so I'm not holding my breathe. Luckily I'm naturally not very hairy but I still wish it was all gone.

I tried BSing my way back into the school for electrolysis, said I wasn't taking spiro anymore. Long story short it didn't work not yet anyway. so I changed tactics I had most of my facial hair waxed when I went. which I wasn't sure I could do. I thought it might be too painful. but I tweezed a few hairs and they actually came out pretty easy and didn't hurt. which i'm guessing is because of the spiro. she had a hard time pulling the wax off on my chin because of the number of hairs but it was fine. I love it. even when I shaved I still had that five o'clock shadow around my chin but not anymore.  ;D

So, if you can recall about our discussion of using the Tria it has been working for me. where I've been using it it's like hair big space hair and so on. before, even on the lowest setting, I couldn't do it on my chin though. since I got it waxed I've been doing it on the highest setting no problem. so hopefully i see similar results there as I have elsewhere. if there isn't much left it will save me a lot of time and money on electrolysis.  ;D

Sorry for the crazy long post. just lots to share. take care. i will post something when I get back from my trip.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on August 25, 2016, 02:06:38 PM
Hi again, girls.  Sarah, sorry you are feeling stressed.  Maybe the camping will help ease it a bit.  Hopefully your uncle comes around.

Thank you for the compliment, Christine.  I really appreciated it.  I do have to shave twice a day still even though I have had three laser sessions as of yesterday.  Makeup hides it well but once the shadow comes in full force, I have to shave again (even if I already have makeup on).  I just make sure I clean out the shaver well afterwards.

I officially started E today.  So excited about it and finally getting started with HRT (or whatever they are calling it these days).

As far as what I do, I am pretty much a geek.  I have been in the IT field for the last 20-25 years.  Currently, I work for a company that produces software for 911 call centers.  I am in charge of maintaining our managed service customers.  Basically, managed service means we monitor their network - network devices, workstations, servers, etc. and verify systems are generating alarms for our NOC (Network Operation Center) in Seattle to report problems.  I work out of Denver, but most of my team is in the Seattle area.  Still not sure if I am going to Seattle or not.  It might be falling through.  Unfortunate because I was looking forward to talking with my boss in person about my transition instead of over the phone.

Anyway, good talking to you all.  Be safe out there in the big world.

Jenny
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 25, 2016, 02:29:37 PM
Im sorry to here your Uncle is being a painfor you Sarah :/ just adds to the stress of life, but how and ever you can't focus to much on it, he may not be thinking straight by the sounds of the situation.
Thats sounds really cool about tge camping, we used to do that as kids me and my brothers around our neighbourhood, always fun.
And hopefully role on the 9th you will get on E, you will feel so much happier I'd bet.
Oh yea I remember you mentioning the Tria, its great it worked abit, I can't believe you waxed the facial region though, I don't think I could ever do it. :3
Let us know how you get on when you come back from the camping. :)
Ohhh Jenny so happy for you, it will be great for you too, wait to you see, I dont if its the blocker or the E, but I have been glowing, really started to feel it this passed week,
My facial hair grows so slowly too and finer. Body hair was always non existent but the skin feels super smooth.
I feel so confident :3
Oh thats cool, I know nothing about this area of work mind, working in an office, working phones dunno if I could do it, would love to try.
My work is very phisical, working on a winery, hauling pipes and pumps, moving barrels, its really tiering, I love it, but I hope my lack of strength wont Sart being noticed, I have started to feel maybe slight weeker, I have always been seen as the "Strong guy" ther, lol I know I don't look it in my pics, or atleast I hope not, by I have been able to shift massive amounts of weight before, I'm highly regarded ther, thinking about work and being trans is only real thing that may get me down or my parents. Still though, going well for now.
I can't wait to hear your results after a Month Jenny, I haven't noticed too much yet, nice to compare :')
Talk soon, Christine
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on August 25, 2016, 02:45:51 PM
I will keep you posted.  Christine, how long have you been on E now?  Cant remember...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 25, 2016, 11:34:00 PM
I was a month on Sunday passed! :)
Already nearly 5 weeks, it goes so fast.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on August 29, 2016, 05:31:56 PM
Hi Girls,
    I had a great time at camp. We went canoeing, did some workshops, crafts and had group discussions. We also had a variety show. I'm probably missing something but all in all it was fun. The weather wasn't always great we had a lot of rain but we were able to shuffle things around and still get everything in.

I know what you mean about time flying  by Christine. My doctor gave me a prescription for a month of spiro and three refills which I got filled all at the same time. so I had four months worth. when it was half empty I thought it went by so fast.

From what I heard people don't really start to see a lot of changes until 3 - 6 months. So I think patience is the key.

Yeah I was scared about trying to get my face waxed but it wasn't that bad. there are MUCH more painful areas to wax. and the results... LOVE it!!

Congratulations about the estrogen Jenny. I'm getting a little jealous of you girls now as I'm still not on it. I know I will get there but patience isn't my strongest virtue.

I hope everything is going well for you all.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on August 29, 2016, 06:05:38 PM
Glad you had fun Sarah!! I don't even think we can get all our refills at one time here.... that's crazy!!! I've got an appointment this Thursday with Doc, going to start finding out about hormone blockers and hormones and all.... had a three day mini vacation at the Oregon coast, it was GREAT!!! it was really nice not having to worry about how I dressed for three days straight!!!! Glad to hear from all of you!!! Talk to you soon!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on August 29, 2016, 06:40:26 PM
Hi again girls!  Yes, you will all get there and eventually there wont be much difference in our changes since we probably wont be too far apart.  Good luck with everything!  Of course, now that I am on E, all I can think of is taking the next pill but of course, I can only take one a day.  If I could take a magic pill to make it all happen right now, I would do it in a heartbeat.  Remember good things come to people who are patient and wait.  Have any of you heard from Jerrica?  She left FB and I have not heard from her since.  I hope she is ok.

Talk to you all later.

Jenny
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on August 29, 2016, 07:05:29 PM
I am sure she is good, if I remember correctly, she said thanks for all the support but she wanted to distance herself from social media and forums. She also said bye as well....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on August 29, 2016, 07:21:35 PM
Hope so


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 29, 2016, 11:34:38 PM
Hey girls,
Thats was a great we time out for you Sarah, I would love a canoe, or somthing to go on the lake here.
And Tasha you had a wee trip away too, thats great, especially when you can just relax and be yourself. Hopefully you can get the hormone sorted out too.
I would love to head of on a trip to but I'v been struggling to get passed each month, damn car bills, though next month is the end of it I, owe 1080,  and it will be paid in one whack then. I will be rich after that :'3
You right Jenny, patience is absolute key on this journey. You try forgeting about dates until alarms remind us.
Its always annoying when people leave social media,
Hopefully she comes back, and hopefully shes alright.
Anyhow I'm off to work, sigghhhh
Cya, :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on August 29, 2016, 11:37:43 PM
As far as the trip goes lady, you just need to budget shop and keep it simple.... it really helps the mood/head to get away even for just a few days!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on August 31, 2016, 11:08:07 PM
Hi girls,
  just thought I would check in. So, I'm unemployed now. my uncle continues to be uncomfortable with me being around. not sure what I'm going to do. Oil is a big part of the economy here and creates a lot of jobs. except the price of oil has tanked and it is left a lot of people unemployed. Which means lots of people looking for work.

I agree with tasha a break every now and then can really help. 

I kept thinking "who are we missing" Jerrica.. I too hope she is doing well. I found it's not uncommon for people who are transitioning to reach a point where they don't want to focus on being trans and just live their lives.

I hope you are all doing good.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on August 31, 2016, 11:18:18 PM
Sorry to hear that Sarah!! That is horrible!!! Keep your head up, you will figure it out. Hope you are feeling okay!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 31, 2016, 11:42:31 PM
Thats terrible news about the loss of work, :/ I hope you find something fast.
And it would be really great for me to get away Tasha, but I will have to wait till next year. :)
I have big plans for next year.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on August 31, 2016, 11:54:13 PM
Sounds exciting.... now I'm curious.... I'm so happy our thread is being used again!!! (Ridiculous right!!!) Anyway, glad to hear from you all again, I hope everything starts getting better for you soon Sarah....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 01, 2016, 05:26:45 AM
Yea it is pretty to keep it going, I just wish you guys lived in Europe too :L
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 01, 2016, 07:09:25 AM
Gee Christine, I was just thinking it would be nice if you all were here in the states. Oh well, on a positive note, if I ever decide to travel abroad, I have someone to visit.

Sarah, I am so sorry to hear about your job and your uncle!  Double whammy there. As Tasha said, keep your chin up!  We are all thinking of you!

Not much going on here lately. The E is going well so far and hope to have a good talk with my boss after Labor Day.

Good to hear from you all. I really cherish our friendship we have built here!  I miss Jerrica though.

Talk to you soon.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on September 01, 2016, 08:20:31 PM
Hi girls,
  yeah really sucks about my uncle and work and all but whatever. I will survive. a friend actually called me out of the blue and asked if I was still doing renovation work at all. Long story short he has some work for me. it's only a few days worth but that will get me a little money.  I've applied for employment Insurance so that should give me a little bit too. I'm already over stressing about it.

yeah it would be great to visit you girls other then christine we're really not that far away from each other. I actually heard about a a trans kid, 16, I think that went on a holiday this past summer in eastern europe. It was her first experience traveling as a girl and never had any issues at airports or train stations. that was really nice to hear.

I was wondering what experience you all had with tucking? have you tried it? do you do it? I tried a few times in the past without much success and it was painful and uncomfortable. however, since starting on testosterone blockers I've noticed its not really painful. I don't know if I'm just getting used to it but I don't really find it uncomfortable either. I got a air of hip/butt enhancers off amazon and they are pretty tight. enough so that even without doing much things look a lot flatter. I've begun working on actually tucking with them on and it works great!!! I love it!! More then I can find the words to describe.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on September 01, 2016, 08:44:53 PM
I will surely take that link from you Sarah.... tucking is a lot of work!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 01, 2016, 10:50:06 PM
I think traveling is the luck of the draw.  I guess it depends on where you are going.  However, I have a friend that recently traveled from Japan back to the US presenting as herself.  She said other than a couple of young ladies giggling with each other she had no incidents.  Actually you might have seen her on FB.  Her name is Emma.  Her attitude is, I quote, "Rip the >-bleeped-<ing door off it's hinges and burn the <not allowed>!"  She is totally out of course.  She has been good for me building confidence.  I am not sure I would be out as much as I am without her encouragement.  She is a retired Marine officer.

Glad you got some work, Sarah.  Hope all goes well and you get more soon.

I honestly have not done the tucking thing yet and don't really have the desire to do so.  I wear pretty tight panties so it gets hidden pretty well anyway.  Spiro has made it easy to hide.  I also have a gaff that works pretty well even without hiding the boys.    :)

Traveling would be fun, but honestly right now there is no way I could afford it.  My divorce is killing me.  My wife is taking almost half my salary.  I have a meeting with my attorney next week so hopefully we can figure out a better plan.  She sent a separation agreement over that is pretty ridiculous.  Hopefully we can nip that one in the bud so to speak...

Talk to you all later.  Have fun out there.

Jenny
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 01, 2016, 10:51:10 PM
That's funny!  I got censored!  Oh well, you get the idea!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 01, 2016, 11:38:43 PM
Yea thats good you got a bit od work Sarah, keep you going a while.
Tucking I havent really tried :/ though I have that funky Kiniesiolgy tape or whatever its called, I only really need it if wearing jeans or something,
But its supposed to be the best option for it nowadays, look it up, my spelling of itmay be abit off lol
Haha poor Jenny got censored, It happened to me to here before. The mad type like your friend can be great for confidence, somerimes I'm scaredof that kind though, they move so fast and can get us all in scary situations.
I have had a few myself, in other situations, be it all out late at night in the cars, and you always get that one that attracts the police, :S
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on September 05, 2016, 04:43:45 PM
Hi girls,
   so I managed to get out of town for a couple of days. it was nice driving through the mountains. A friend dragged me along so it didn't cost me that much.  ;D did you girls do anything this weekend?????
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 05, 2016, 11:21:11 PM
Hey Sarah, that sounds nice, probably good to unwind and relax abit after all thats happened this last while.
I love a mountain road.
I actually am preparing myself for just that, my old classic BMW was brought home on Saturday, and I spent all weekend cleaning her and changing a few parts. She feels like new. I can't wait for next year when I take her on the road. I will show you girls a few pics of my cars when I'm out hopefully. :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 07, 2016, 11:04:34 AM
I had to post this too Girls, I am so proud,
My mother insulted me for it, but I think its amasing.

(https://imgur.com/T0gBJMb.jpg)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 07, 2016, 11:33:17 AM
It looks great!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 07, 2016, 12:04:21 PM
Thanks Jenny, Im so happy with the length, wait till next year :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on September 08, 2016, 12:47:12 AM
Hi girls,
    that's great Christina. I'm a little jealous my hair is nowhere near that long yet.

   Jenny been following your facebook posts. Your progress in coming out is great. I hope people have been reacting ok.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 08, 2016, 03:26:53 AM
I would say overall it has been positive. I think there will be many that don't agree though, including many of my republican conservative family.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on September 13, 2016, 02:22:11 AM
Hi girls,
    how are you all?? I'm guessing you all saw my Facebook post earlier this week about the hospital. it's been a rough week. spent two separate days and most of Saturday night in emergency. on the bright side chatted with Tasha Saturday with Facebook chat so she helped me pass some of the time.  ;D  Anyway my left kidney is inflamed and really angry with me for some unknown reason and there is a kidney stone floating around in the other one. But it's been the left one that been kicking my butt all week. Hopefully it settles down soon. I haven't gotten much done this week.

   so, my biggest obsession, for a long time, has been finding someone to spend my life with. when I started transitioning I didn't even give it a thought. When I started to think about it I wasn't ready for it and just stuck it on the back burner. I'm getting pretty comfortable and confident in my new gender identity and getting very interested in women again. Even have a crush on someone. But I'm really scared about approaching women and dealing with them on a romantic level. I haven't come up with a really good question about it just wondering what your thoughts are about approaching it and dealing with it etc.

  The other thing I'm struggling with and sort of stumbling on is old male orientated references. such as "I used to be a UPS man" or "I make a lousy Frenchman" I've become quite aware of it and will have to be mindful of it in the future but it also got me thinking about how to properly gender my past self before I transitioned. I was talking to someone and said "I  used to be a UPS man, urr UPS person uh well I was a man at the time...." followed by the thought of what am I supposed to say... Again, thoughts ideas etc.

I hope you all are doing good.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 13, 2016, 07:51:06 AM
I my gosh, Sarah!  I am so sorry you are not feeling good. I hope you pass that stone soon but the thought of that makes me cringe!  No fun!

I think the key to romance is not to push it too hard. Let it happen on its own. If you meet someone special that likes you, it will be a piece of cake. But of course relationships take work. Good luck!

Personally when speaking of my past, most of the people know I am trans so I am not embarrassed about talking about my male past. I mainly talk about how much mor happy I am now that I found my true self.

Hope you are feeling better. I don't think I need to talk about what has been going on in my life since you all probably have seen my FB posts. Such a ride!  Loving every minute!

Take care

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 13, 2016, 02:34:56 PM
I hope you get better soon Sarah, kidney stones sound Nasty.
I think Jenny is right, you should be working to much about love, it'll cone to you.
Haha its funny kind od thinking about the situation of talking about the past, i know nothing about it mind, but it must be awkward kind of.
You have been doing great Jenny, it amases me everytime.
I wish it was me :'3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on September 14, 2016, 03:53:27 AM
So, a question for you ladies that have taken Spiro.... I have OT prescribed now, but need to be sure that I will still be able to function and produce sperm for about a year..... any thoughts? I have gotten mixed info from the doc and from other sources.... I am thinking it will be okay, but.... need to know.... like, more for sure from those who have taken it without hormones yet.....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on September 14, 2016, 04:26:09 AM
Well function isn't a problem for me.  I don't know about the sperm question.  I would suspect your count would go down or stop, but I don't know.  You could always look into banking.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 14, 2016, 05:36:49 AM
You would want to be Banking Tasha if sperm is a concern.
Im on androcur, and have definitly noticed a huge drop in functionality, but that doesn't bother me atall :')
Though I was on Estrodial at the same time, its the anti androgen that does the harm ther, or good depends what way you look at it
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on September 14, 2016, 06:13:56 AM
I'm on both Spiro and estradiol and didn't see any loss in function or ejaculate, though that does not mean sperm count is unchanged.  A slight reduction in libido, but that's allright.  Definitely look into banking if procreation is a concern.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on September 14, 2016, 01:25:28 PM
Thank you, I have a consult with an endocrinologist to talk about fertility for both me and my wife... but functionality is still a bit important for us, we still like our "chemistry"... I am looking for the rest of the effects, and don't want to become sterile too soon... and can hopefully keep functioning. I really do love our community here.... you girls rock!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 14, 2016, 02:46:58 PM
It could be you!  Rip that closet door off its hinges and burn it!  :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 14, 2016, 02:49:37 PM
Haha Jenny :')

But Tasha still thinking of kiddies! :)
I banked already, awkward weidest thing you will ever do lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on September 14, 2016, 04:00:15 PM
Another 6 months to a year of trying for kids and I'll lose interest in fertility, and as for function, if I have to grs below we'll work it out.... but that part is still fun.....😝
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on September 16, 2016, 12:59:54 AM
The problem is the effects are likely to vary from person to person. I know my counts were good before I started from when I did my sperm banking but I have no idea what they are now. I did read something about ensuring you are using contraceptives and not to rely on it alone. As even though your sperm counts may be reduced it still only takes one.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 16, 2016, 08:51:09 AM
Hey all.

Sorry for the long absence I did try to stalk y'all through an email account I used for monitoring this thread but it seemed to stop giving me update notifications making me think it had just died until I hopped on today just in case.
Oh well, glad to hear you are all doing well. Ups and downs for all but hopefully more of the former overall.

My disappearance from the net was a bit of a mixed bag tbh. Kinda felt like a 5th wheel at times like I was imposing so figured best to fade out. Also it'll probably sound really REALLY bad but there could maybe be a denial thing going on with me in so far as to me I'm just a "normal girl" so I don't really spend any real time doing or thinking "trans stuff" or thinking about myself being trans if you know what I mean. Hell I don't even think about "him" unless I'm posting here.

I consider myself to have been healed rather than changed ie brain ok to about 10 then major brain damage from T to 37 resulting in an intoxicated state that was considered to be "him" then like seriously miraculous recovery via my meds allowing me to regain control of my mind and my life. Think about sobering up after being totally wasted and multiply it by millions you'll be close. I was pretty much dead but now I'm back and growing up nicely. So "He" would have been like my drunk version of me having a name (my drunk version did have a name of his own too but that's another story).

Makes it hard to find an appropriate label to stick on me as at the risk of jinxing it everything seems to be too easy.

I do have a new FB now but it's family only (Sorry) and only shows my normal girly life. It probably makes me a sell out or something but I'll be honest I need it that way.
That said I am here because I do care how yous are getting on and was moved to post when I saw you asking about me.

Anyhoo care for what you ask for here's a wee update - lol

Reconnected with my rather large family including extended family that I hadn't seen any of for many years and surprisingly absolutely everyone totally loves me (they really seriously hated him lol)
I'm still just me but have started to really resent even the slightest trace of "him" and have stopped letting people call me Jerri so it's Jerrica or Ms
Speech therapy is great fun and going well although none of my practice voices are real enough for me but they are getting closer
Think there has been a bleed effect from my practice voice into mine as it doesn't hurt as much to talk any more
Haven't shaved body for 3 weeks and don't plan to until day before laser so once a month now for body shave
Face I shave once a week to pick off any sneaky stragglers from electrolysis on the Saturday but that's it
Diet has been binned for now but might have to go back on it as I'm gonna be Batgirl for halloween
Coffee works properly on me (used to knock me out but now is a stimulant)
Alcohol also now works properly (wine is awesome and fun but in moderation)
Awaiting XXY test results which are overdue (Come on be XXY pleeeeease)
Trach guaranteed before 14th of November 2016 (should be healed in time for my 1st Christmas)
Big scare over Mastercard no longer processing payments to global pharmacies (got around it but I was facing death without them)
Doc investigating orchi for me (He's seriously awesome so maybe it'll happen)
Oh and I'm a 38B now but with my push up bra I look bloody good
Lipstick and nails done like all the time or I just feel naked

Still nearly 4 months until GIC says "Hello" which is so funny as everything except the finale should be complete by then.

Gotta run I'll maybe spam more later if anyone is interested or y'know fade away again now y'all know I'm a whatever.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 16, 2016, 09:03:37 AM
SO good to hear from you Jerrica!!!  I have been worried about you. You are NOT a 5th wheel here. I can assure you of that. We love hearing from you and it sounds like you are coming along well. I almost jumped out of my seat when I saw the notification on my phone that you had posted here. Here is fine. No need for FB if you don't want that. We completely understand. Dang, girl?  38B?  That's frickin awesome!  I wish mine would get going.

Not sure if you read but I am now completely out at work. Yay!  I am also about to begin my legal name change. I am getting finger prints on Saturday.

Anyhow, again, so good to hear from you!  Don't be a stranger. We need to know how you are doing. You are part of this group and our friend. Remember that.

Talk to you soon.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 16, 2016, 10:36:43 AM
Hey Jerrica!! Its great to see you back, I kind of understand wher you are coming from with the whole disapearing, I thought it was that, I had kind of planned it myself when I come out.
Keep us up to date, I'm real curious about the XXY potential results, I always hoped I would be something intersex too, for parents like mine it would be so much easyer, because it is a certainty.
Its great news about the family too.
Don't feel like any sort of wheel either, this little group is amazing, and we all love helping each other and others :3
Keep safe :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on September 16, 2016, 03:37:11 PM
Jerrica!!!

it's great to hear from you and I'm happy to hear thing are going welll for you. As Jenny said you are NEVER a 5th wheel, at least I don't think so. I think of us all as just a bunch of girlfriends. I do understand about not wanting to think of being trans. I didn't want my facebook to be all about me being trans so I don't post much about it there.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 17, 2016, 04:05:07 AM
Good to hear from yous and happy not to be burned at the stake ;-) I've put Tapatalk back on my phone to keep in touch.

Glad to hear you are out and loving it Jenny. So much fun getting all the name change stuff even junk mail is welcome for a while so long as they use your name.

Sad to read about your own job loss Sarah but hope it leads to something better. As for tucking I'm tucked 24/7 and can't handle not being tucked no pain at all but scared of exposure in swimsuit etc. So looking forward to the end so I can take up gymnastics and do swimming lessons. Kidney stone and stuff sounds painful a UTI was bad enough but kidneys sounds really sore. Travel a great idea and I want it all especially cheesey tourist photos with landmarks.

XXY thing is kinda hard to explain I guess but I want it for me like it would make sense. For all that every symptom box is ticked though it all comes down to the test so we'll see. Strength I only possess a small fraction of what I once had but it makes me feel more human. Hope nobody is offended but we decided my wife's the butch and I'm the bitch as she can totally kick my ass and I can be a bit of a whiney assed bitch at times lol.

For fertility and functionality I started abstaining for months before starting hormones to control my T. Happy to report no activity in that area and the thought alone freaks me out but horses for courses and all. They should be able to save your sperm and tweak your dosage to get what you are after. T wrecked my brain but for those that can function with it enjoy.

Lots of bits to catch up on but I better go eat and get ready for electrolysis at 12.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 17, 2016, 04:36:07 AM
Memory stuff. Ever watch Quantum Leap well I often feel a bit like Sam with my Swiss cheesed brain. Memory holes everywhere but they don't really hold me back. Pre10ish dead easy then to 37 varies from relatively easy to completely impossible for finding memories. Cousin told me I went to her house 15ish years ago to fix her computer and I got nothing not even a flicker. "His" memory was almost photographic but mine isn't. Guess his might be in an incompatible format or brain being rewritten or maybe  I only remember times I was there for either way I kinda like it to be honest. Sometimes it's kinda Matrixy like I need to work out how to do something computery and if I get lucky I pull his memories translate them and make them mine then I can do what he did more or less. As for stories I don't really think about it but I always refer to myself as a girl, schoolgirl, sister, waitress etc but can imagine the embarrassment of an oops I think I'd die on the spot unless I found a way to fix it fast.

Eek now 86mins to electrolysis and I'm still in my jammies....

....gone.....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on September 18, 2016, 03:22:44 AM
I can't believe what a difference having legally changed my name and gender makes. It's absolutely awesome. It's great you are getting it done Jenny. I went to a suicide prevention thing the other day. it was interesting. in the broad suicide prevention view they identify being trans, gay, lesbian, etc as a risk factor. Which isn't really helpful in preventing suicide as no one commits suicide because they are trans, gay, lesbian etc. there are other factors. The reason I'm going on about this is that having ID that matches the gender that you identify as reduces the risk. Which I find interesting.

Yeah the whole job thing sucks but what can you do. I'm just scared of job hunting at this stage in my transition. Not to mention potential employers outing me to previous employers. I had sort of had an idea of how to deal with it but when I spoke to my psychologist she gave me a good idea. which was along the line of what I was thinking. It was simply tell prospective employers that if they contact certain employers they know me as this.... my previous name. which for the most part I don't see there being much issue with. I'm just scared of someone slipping up or deliberately outing me 'cause they're intolerant dicks.

  It may not be an issue though as I'm considering starting my own business. Which has always been my dream. I spoke to a friend of a friend a couple weeks ago and he was thinking of starting a lawn fertilizer/weed control business in the new year and having me manage it. So my business would follow that idea but be more of a maintenance company. grass cutting and such. so The mutual friend between us was thinking of doing snow removal this year and now we are thinking of working together. So we will all tie into each other and can do some cross promotion and help eachother out and such.

I can relate to you Jerica about being the more submissive or girly one in the relationship... I've had a few people asked me what role I saw myself in and they were kind of shocked that I saw myself as the girly one. I was also talking to a friend and he was surprised that I saw myself looking after the kids while my wife worked. I love kids and I'm pretty good with them.

  Finally as for the kidney stones, yes, they are brutal. I realize everyones pain tolerances and experience vary but from what I've heard they are in the same ball park as a women having kids. So this is as close as I'm going to get to knowing what it like to have a baby. haha  ;D    I've had them once before and with some medication I passed them and it wasn't really an issue. Sadly this time it is not going as well. beyond the fact that they've been kicking my butt for the last two weeks I saw a specialist the other day and there is one stuck in a place where they can really pin point with x-rays or ct scans. Which means non invasive techniques aren't an option and I may have to have surgery. I'm not crazy about surgery so we are going to give it a couple weeks to see if I pass it. However, There is a window to deal with it or it could result in permanent damage. Which means if i don't pass it in the next couple weeks I will have to go in for surgery. I'm really not looking forward to that. it's a day surgery but the last time I went in for "day surgery" I was running a bit of a fever and they were concerned about infection. So, they kept me  in the hospital for 4 days.

That's about it for now I hope you all are doing good.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 18, 2016, 11:09:01 AM
Jerrica, just wanted to mention that I know how you feel regarding memory issues. I have the same problem with distant memories being pretty much gone. I once had a guy come up to me and said we used to run around together as kids but I had absolutely no memory of him. Very strange feeling.

Yep. Can't wait to get further on the name change process. I got my fingerprints done yesterday and the company that did it sent them directly to the FBI and I should get a response within a few days. Normally when you send fingerprints to the FBI on your own it can take months. I have my forms and fingerprints ready to send to the CBI (Colorado Bureau of Incestigation). Just need to take it to the post office. I don't think I will be able to get my gender marker changed until I am further along in the HRT process.

Talk to you all later

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 18, 2016, 03:25:19 PM
Yeah memory stuff a bit worse than I thought. Talking to my sis today with a nice Merlot and she told me about her husband (my best friends brother) staying with me for 6 months and I got nothing not even a flicker I was stunned to say the least. Was reminded of other things like my kids as babies and I really tried but couldn't pull anything out of my head despite my best efforts. Part of me likes that I can't remember because y'know they are "his" memories but when it comes to my kids I really don't care who's memories they are I want them all but so much is missing. Like my wife, sister & daughter say I can only go forwards in time but I really do wish I could remember some things. That said I'm also scared of remembering as I don't want to see  him or hear his thoughts in case he somehow takes over and pushes me out. While my "change" to female is pretty easy as I am and have always been female but the cost to my life due to my "condition" is high. I can't change my past but I'll sure as heck change my future.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 18, 2016, 10:52:27 PM
I know the feeling. I think I have blocked out certain memories of long ago and my childhood.

Just continue to be true to yourself and you will be fine. Our male lives were a facade and only now are we realizing our true potential.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 20, 2016, 08:49:10 AM
Just FYI. Facebook locked me out of my account. It wants me to upload a copy of my government issues I'd to prove my identity. Of course I can't do that until I legally change my name. I also don't want to associate Jennifer with my Russ Facebook account. So for now, I've closed both of my Facebook accounts. So no Facebook for me for a while. I've had a really bad case of dysphoria for the last few days. When I look in the mirror I see a guy. And that really bothers me. It sucks. Makes me almost feel like I've gone backwards and I don't want to go out. I've got my therapy appointments afternoon so hopefully she can help me figure this all out. I've got my fourth laser session tomorrow. I'm really hoping that I start to see results soon. It's very frustrating. I know it takes lots of sessions but I'm impatient. I want it all to happen now. I want the hormones to start doing their magic now. Sucks that everything in this process takes so long. On a lighter note I've been working on clearing out my garage so I can get my truck in the garage for the winter and I found out yesterday that the truck doesn't fit. It's too long by about 3 inches. Oh well. Anyway talk to you all later. This is my only method of communicating for now online at least. Hope all is well.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on September 20, 2016, 09:38:21 AM
I hope you start feeling better!!! But the facebook sounds bunk.... I have never had to do that and have been locked out of my account a few times.....

The dysphoria  thing does happen to is all in waves I think, be strong!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 20, 2016, 09:59:10 AM
Pity about FB. They should at least restore it once they get what they want.

Would be lovely to get everything at once and looking ahead there is always so much to be done.

Sometimes we can forget just how far we have come so check the path behind you once in a while and remember how impossible where you are now seemed back then.

Those wee ticker bars sneak along pretty quick at times as does time itself.
Heck I've already started Christmas shopping and looking forward to my 1st Christmas ;D

We can all have those moments looking in the mirror. I did recently too..... then solved it my usual beautician is on maternity leave and her replacement although good does not do my eyebrows to the same design as normal. The result? I just looked wrong but couldn't really place it so dug out a photo and went "Gotcha" then got them redone. Still not an exact match but she's closer and by the time I teach her what I want my regular will be back (pleeeeease be back lol). Sometimes the smallest detail can make us feel a bit off but that's the price of wanting to be perfect.

As frivilous and cliched as it may seem a nice "me day" with the credit card can work wonders.
My cure last Tuesday got hair, nails, new lippy to match the nails, fake leather leggings, sexy cool shoulder top with my fave ankle boots and a decaffe mocha latte at Costa with my friend who skived off work to join me ;)
Felt like I could take over the world even when it lashed down with rain (Not a surprise in Glasgow) but damn I looked seriously good in that rain.

Might want to avoid my advice though as I'm still a bit 12ish at times and prone to irresponsible fun stuff that my grown up side has to clean up after.

It's all a waiting game but we can have fun while we wait.

Hope you feel better soon and give yourself credit for what you've achieved instead of beating yourself up over things you can't do more about.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 20, 2016, 10:29:21 AM
Oh Tash I just realised I forgot to answer about the fertility bit for Spiro.

As far as I know you are supposed to be permanently impotent after about 3 months it will vary of course but thought I should say.

Damn can't talk numbers but imagine if you are on what some would call a half dose or low dose you may have longer. (Safe to stay vague I hope)

Best bank it sooner rather than later just in case.

Performance I can't comment on as I stopped sex before hormones but I am happy to say that in my case my animal sex drive is totally gone and would wager that even if I tried to use it (yeah right, as if) it probably wouldn't work. I've read about people though who keep and use their male parts through low dose HRT and/or Viagra but don't know enough to provide any help there.

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 20, 2016, 10:56:28 AM
Thanks all. As always, I appreciate your support. It does help. I think I know one thing that is missing when I look in the mirror. My big hoop earrings!  Since I got my ears pierced I haven't been able to wear them. Such a bummer. Again, a waiting game until my ears heal so I can wear real earrings. Oh well. At work now. Talk to you all soon.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 20, 2016, 11:11:32 AM
 Hi everyone,
I'm sorry to hear about the sudden burst of dysphoria, it sucks. You just gotta be patient with it.
I just passed two months, and already have soft skin and by beans are sooo sore to touch, and slightly puffy.
The best thing I have noticed is that at the temples ther is tones of small hairs growing in ther that never wher ther before, I am so amased.
Keep looking forward and be very patient. If all I get is the hair in those corners I will be made up, they arent bad as is, but could be better!
Oh and on another note, I came out again to my mother, it honestly didn't go so bad, and I had a bit of a laugh too.
I hope she doesn't try to just forget about like she did years ago
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 20, 2016, 11:16:34 AM
Great to hear you are making progress. I am right at about 1 month now on E. I guess all we can do is keep going and keep being ourselves. Much better than going back, that's for sure.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on September 21, 2016, 02:06:53 AM
Hi all,
  that's really sucks about FB Jenny. buttheads! I hope the name change is going well. that will help resolve some things.

if you recall last month I had my face waxed.... I was a little disapointed in that i had hair growing back in a couple weeks. But at least there was less. Anyway, I went and bought a home waxing kit which was on sale. it worked but I'm not great at waxing myself. So, I was super excited because for so many hairs the ENTIRE hair came out. I know waxing pulls out the entire hair. but I mean I got the hair, the bulb and the sheath. Everything! For a lot of them anyway. So the bright side is that, so far, I've barely had any regrowth. Like over 90 maybe even 95 % less. they are also way finer and mostly blonde. so as annoying as they are  they're not that noticeable. It's too soon to say what the long term result will be but I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that I've gotten rid of a lot of them. Now if only the rest of the hair on my body would do the same thing.....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 21, 2016, 07:41:52 AM
That's great Sarah. I actually have my fourth laser session on my face today. I didn't see any results after the third session so I hope I see something this time. Not overtly optimistic though. They said it can take many sessions to notice a real difference. Very frustrating. I have heard of others having results after three or four sessions but I still have to shave twice a day if I want to avoid the 5 o'clock shadow. Seems like a waste. I'm not overly convinced laser is a good option for me because I might have quite a few gray hairs in my beard. So that could be the reason why I'm not seeing results. Oh well got to get ready for work. Talk to you girls later.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 21, 2016, 08:26:46 AM
Lucky Sarah with the waxing hope it continues for you.

Face I think I had about 8 NdYag laser sessions on face before starting electrolysis but kinda wishing I did 10 as some of the hairs weren't dead enough and recovered setting me back a couple of weeks for electrolysis. No biggie really though but did give the whole reversion fear.

Body is laser only so far. I'll count the sessions later but steady progress. Arms very fine and sparse. Inner thigh bit heavier but on the whole thinning out. Nice to see the gaps between the hairs growing. Sporting 4 weeks growth and feeling ok with bare arms during the day and legs at night with my nightie. That said I would totally still need to shave my legs if I was gonna put them on display.

In again on Sunday for laser and hope to do again before 28th Oct as Batgirl most definitely does not have legs like Chewbacca. Would like to think my body will be done by the end of this year but we'll see.

I'll add up my totals so far and edit them in. Everyone different but it gives an idea.

8 face laser sessions
6 full body laser sessions (started as 8 weekly but changed to 4 as I want faster results)
45.5h of electrolysis so far (3h per week usually)

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 21, 2016, 09:14:21 AM
Extra thing for electrolysis which probably won't happen to anyone else but figured I should mention just in case.

Before hormones my brain and nervous system were basically shot to bits nothing new there. One of the very few benefits of that was I never really felt pain properly either. Don't get me wrong I could detect damage and it wasn't pleasant but my senses were heavily dampened making even the worst wounds not that bad to handle.

Great when I started electrolysis I literally slept for hours while she worked on me and she worked hard. My face and neck looked like I'd stung by a swarm of angry bees but even then no pain. She was amazed at how much torture I could take and still sleep soundly during it.

Brilliant but........ After my brain started healing my nervous system was not far behind. At first pretty subtle all senses gradually improved I could feel things like fluffy for example but eventually I could also feel pain. At a certain point it then hit a growth spurt increasing everything more than I had ever experienced.

The flip side each week at electrolysis is now agonising and gets worse every week as my nervous system continues to heal and develop properly. Normal people have had a lifetime to learn how to handle pain which I don't have which is a bit of a problem for me.

I might have mentioned before that some things used to not work on me properly like caffeine made me drowsy, alcohol wouldn't really do anything until at ridiculously high/toxic levels and codeine didn't really do anything but was kinda nice it would destatic my head and let me think clearly (rereading that I'd have to say it was like a stimulant).

Figured now stuff like caffeine and alcohol (mmmmm love wine) works I'd try painkillers so have some cocodamol before electrolysis thinking oh well it will work or it won't so no risk right.

I was wrong very very wrong. It somehow amped up my nervous system and INCREASED my pain. The next 3 hours were pure torture. I was barely able to control myself through breathing and tried and failed to displace my mind (I can't separate any more which is good and bad I guess). Couple of minutes from the end I broke completely with full on sobbing etc she told me only a few hairs left to get so I choked it back and asked her to finish which she did.

She was a bit freaked out but fortunately she knew about my concerns of taking painkillers that day and I explained their unexpected result. So I still have my 3 hours next time but defo no painkillers as I can't go through that again. Likewise she doesn't really want to work on me for 3h if I'm crying all the way through it which I can understand as she'd need to have a heart of stone to do that.

Ok I've rambled but if any of you have a similar nerve dampening thing make the most of it and get your electrolysis sooner rather than later.
Title: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 21, 2016, 05:09:41 PM
Wow. So very interesting. It was like you were a robot programmed backwards.

Had my 4th laser session today. Will see later if there is any difference. There was none after the first 3.

I am on FB again by the way. I sent friend requests you you all except Jerrica of course.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on September 21, 2016, 06:01:13 PM
Hmm, reading Jerrica's post is interesting, I never really thought about it like that. The dampened pain and such.... the lack of effects from drugs unless in high doses...... all sounds really familiar....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 22, 2016, 10:50:40 AM
Fingers crossed the hormones fix you too Tash and really cool to hear you've had a similar experience maybe some day they'll make some kind of machine to check our wiring  ;D  (I wouldn't let them rewire me as a guy though I really don't think I'd like it but my brother certainly has no end of fun being a total alpha guy I'd rather be me though)

It's really cool being like really alive and here instead of just being a bunch or clumsily built constructs on malfunctioning hardware but it is a bit scary at times considering I'm now basically mortal and can be hurt just like any other normal girl.

That and the loss of physical strength can leave you feeling defenceless but it's a worthy trade considering what I have gained.

Who knows though maybe if I'm ever in a dangerous situation I'll find out I have new super powers.

Random funny my eldest daughter decided my previous name was Voldermort as I kept referring to "him" as "He who must not be named" when we talk about "him". Decided we liked it and it gives us a great way to talk freely without me flinching if I hear his name then her feeling bad about it. He was her dad after all for about 10 years but she totally prefers her "other Mum" to her Dad which is awesome  :angel:

She loves talking about her 2 Mums at school even using us in her homework when asked about where your parents want to go in the world she and why she had "Mum wanted to go to Timbuktu just to make her spell it and her other Mum wanted to go to Italy for pizza, pasta & wine" no prizes for guessing which one is me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 22, 2016, 10:56:34 AM
Awesome, Jerrica!  You've got a great daughter and she's got a great Mum in you.

When did you start noticing the decrease in physical strength?  Just curious.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on September 22, 2016, 11:26:58 AM
Thanks Jerrica, I can't wait to find out... things are beginning to move forward for me, so.... Yay!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 22, 2016, 11:37:02 AM
Yay!!!!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 22, 2016, 11:40:22 AM
Hi girls,
How sweet is this comment i recieved after coming out l to an online friend.

"No of course i dont. You have always come across as a very nice caring person. I am just pleased that you think enough about me that you are able to share it with me.People ought to get to know the person before they make judgements. It has not changed the way i feel about you. I am just happy that we are friends and hope we continue to be"

And for you girls on HRT what have you expierienced so far.
Me Jenny and Sarah are pretty new, and you are further on Jerrica, while Tasha is in the waiting, hopefully soon you get on Tasha, and on the doses thats right for you.
I'm very curious how yous are getting on??
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 22, 2016, 11:46:52 AM
More than happy to fill you in on everything but for now I need to run home.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 22, 2016, 11:47:34 AM
Have fun Jerrica! :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 22, 2016, 11:48:19 AM
I mainly just feel more calm. My co-workers did mention they saw a bit of a change in my face.   I am still curious when I would expect to experience the loss of physical strength though. I don't think I have felt that yet.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 22, 2016, 11:55:01 AM
I think the physical strength thing is more of a mental thing if it appears to hit you right away, but it will deffinitly deminish, as long as you keep it up you will never be terrible, I have seen cis girls who are stronger than me. Just depends the life style.
By boobies are sore and puffy now. And ther is other small changes happening.
Hopefull start laser soon.
I hope you start seeing results from yours to Jenny, pretty insane that after 3 sessions you haven't noticed any loss of hair
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 22, 2016, 11:58:12 AM
Ahhh I was that quick rushing about I forgot to say I loved your friends comment. Defo sounds like a good friend to have in your life. Using phone in car park I'll check in soonish.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 22, 2016, 12:26:30 PM
Interesting Christine.  Looks like based on your tickerfactory line, I am about a month behind you so I guess my boobies will start changing in about a month from now... 

Yes, your friend is great!  Quite the keeper there.  My friends from my previous life have been very similar.  Nice when they say there is no change in your friendship.

I am starting to think the laser just isn't for me.  I had my 4th session yesterday, and this morning the stubble is pretty much the same as always.  I probably just have too much grey in there.  Bummer.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 22, 2016, 12:32:55 PM
I think i start feeling alot of soreness after 5 weeks, but now they are puffy looking too lol
You know Jenny it was thanks to reading your big post about being who you are, and seeing all the positive comments that made me do it! :)

Maybe some darker hairs have suffered and you just haven't noticed? Its pity because lasser is supposed to be pretty fast
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 22, 2016, 01:26:15 PM
Ah, that's sweet, Christine!  It has been an incredible ride.  It feels so good to be able to be myself even at work now.  Everyone is so supportive.  Of course those that might not be just pretty much keep it to themselves probably for fear of HR pounding down on them.  Not sure you have the same rules over there regarding discrimination/harassment but it is really nice to think I have HR behind me and I finally can say I don't really fear a loss of my job because of my transition.

My therapist asked me the other day if I have any regrets about beginning my transition.  I told her absolutely not!  It is wonderful finally being able to be myself!

I also sent a note out to my colleges on LinkedIn and I have been reaching out to some of my former co-workers at previous jobs.  Again, nothing but support and/or silence.  Some just have not responded.  No way of telling if that just means they never saw the invite or if they don't approve.  Hard to say.

I definitely don't want to wish my life away so to speak, but I do still wish I could just push a button and make it 6 months or a year from now to see how my transition will be going by then.  I want this so bad!  I wish it wasn't so slow!

Its hard to say on the laser results.  From what I can tell, I don't see any difference.  Mainly, the five o'clock shadow still pops its ugly head out and messes with my makeup.  Of course, that is the end objective.  To get to a point where my beard is non-existent is the end goal but I am afraid I will need electrolysis to get there.  Electrolysis is so expensive though.  Everything about this process is either slow, expensive, painful or a combination. 
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 22, 2016, 01:44:11 PM
Its great to observe it for now Jenny :')
I actually don't know how it works here either, though I get on very good with my boss, so in general I should be ok.
Oh I think you should just sit back and relax now Jenny, you have actually delt with the hardest part really.
Me I don't spend much time looking for changes atall. The only thing I can't stop looking at is the hair growth I'm having at the corners of my head, I mean It never receded, it just has always been like that, but now it is actually starting to fill in, hair started as tiny little blondes, and now they are getting darker and longer, I find this to be absolutely amasing! :3
The best thing so far
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 22, 2016, 01:48:54 PM
That is fantastic!  I am on Finasteride and using Rogain so I hope those help me at some point. Would be nice to drop the wig but for now, I have to cover up that huge bald area up there. The hair I do have is getting longer where I can comb it back and almost "cover" the bald area.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 22, 2016, 01:54:55 PM
Im on Androcur and Estradot 50 at the moment, patches.
It is really working for me.
That would be really nive, I hope you get some regrowth, I'm not sure on the limitations on hair growth from HRT. Seeing regrowth in this area, that has been naked all my life makes me wonder what can happen for others
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 22, 2016, 02:46:32 PM
Strength loss definitely gradual so you don't really notice it until you try to do something that was easy but no longer is. In my case I encouraged strength loss by using lower weights. Could certainly train up to whatever level but before just had the strength without having to work at it.

My friend & role model in my aerobics class uses 5kg dumbells and I manage 4kg barely. For resistance bands she uses high and I use medium but with the extra distance I have to pull I think that one evens out.

Like everything you can choose your capabilities. If you want strength you can have it but it will likely be on a use it or lose it basis with maintenance being easy enough but gain will take more effort without T.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 22, 2016, 03:18:41 PM
Got to say that unless they get hit my breasts don't actually hurt only a B cup though so maybe get sore if they bigger later. I have changed from my 24-7 sports bra to a plunge with underwire and a teeny bit of padding during the day (yeah I'm vain and love the tiny boost but I also rock braless on Saturdays). Night time though I'm just a nightie and knickers girl now.

Between life, work and my suddenly massive family I'm so incredibly busy it's unbelievable. Just saw my ticker 8 months cool but pretty much no time to check myself out for changes lol

Sacrificed a few inches of hair though after stylist suggested it was looking a bit mullet-ish. Say no more it's gone. Hair remains slow growing but stylist loves how thick it is and that's probably why it's slower. True and great but I want more more more.

I might just be starting to take things for granted though but probably changed more than I think. Oh although for fun I did a before and after pic side by side and wow no way in hell anyone that didn't know me prior would ever link me to him. Pity I can't run 2 FBs from my mobile. Might look into WhatsApp or something but can't think of a secure way to share it with yous. I'm not as paranoid as I was before but my face next to his that's more than I can do in public.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 22, 2016, 03:58:55 PM
Try downloading Friendly Social.  It allows you to run multiple accounts at the same time.  Of course be careful with multiple accounts.  They locked me out of my one account.  Facebook policy says only one account per person and it has to be your real name.  Sucks...  I know.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 22, 2016, 04:09:39 PM
Tempted but I best not as they'd probably nail my real account if I set up a dummy one.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 22, 2016, 04:10:53 PM
Oh. Sorry. I got the impression you already had 2 FB accounts.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 22, 2016, 04:21:22 PM
Nope just the 1 but was thinking about doing another to keep in touch with y'all.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 22, 2016, 04:22:46 PM
Yes.  Definitely be careful.  Would hate for FB to lock you out of the wrong one.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 22, 2016, 11:30:49 PM
Yea you see ther is girls that are stronger than us, even before hormones, it will take more effort to keep strong though. Managing to get to a B cup in 8 months is pretty good Jerrica, I honestly am aiming for around that, I deffinitly don't want Ds D:
Its so cool you can style your hair, mines is getting quiet long, but I couldn't dare to style it.
Its great you have such thick hair, did you notice regrowth anywher?
I have thick hair too, its so great, I used to pray every night not to loose my hair, and wake up as a girl, I really believe that would one day happen :')
Its my hip to waist ratio is pretty cray too, I'm 28inches in the waist and 37 in the hips, it gives me a ratio of .756
My lower body looks great, its my strong shoulders and arms that are bothering me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 23, 2016, 02:19:05 AM
Aiming for a C cup which would probably give me what what I've got without the padding in my bra. Anything more would be too much for me I reckon. Being a giant between the push up plunge and the way my waist tapers in really does accentuate my breasts and figure nicely. Does make me focus more on my face especially with the hair cut recently as I don't have enough for a pony anymore but I'm liking having it down although a bit wild at times. So jealous of your hair length Christine it's gorgeous you're so lucky with like everything. My hair will get there eventually but probably be another year nah 6 months but I so suck at waiting.

My voice is variable. It's kinda funny but I've noticed I talk differently depending on who I'm talking to. I don't really do a voice as such but I think as the speech therapy opens up new vocal ranges my brain just seems to drift towards that area. Best news I feel she gave me early on was to be careful not to go too high lol. With my original voice it was that low it was like people had to bend down to hear it so I was delighted that my voice box seemed to have such a wide range of sound available. Still get the occasional Sir on the phone which really annoys me tbh. That said it's the only place and that's probably because they have Mr on computers but Grrrrrrr.

Still I have to say I just go about my life and everything is well normal.

Great news yesterday from hospital they where checking my availability and said I'll be getting my trach "soon". From her tone I'm thinking early October at the latest which is awesome. Can't wait to get that that pineapple sliced and diced as to me it seems enormous. Figure it should heal fast enough for Halloween but either way it's getting done soon so yay.

If they ever make an Olympic even for Wall of Text I think I'll be nailing the gold.

I'll try do some measurements later but worry I might have turned into a chunky monkey since I started eating normal food and drinking wine in plentiful quantities ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 23, 2016, 02:39:40 AM
Oh regrowth I don't know tbh but I do remember a hairdresser a long time ago saying I had a lovely hair and a hairline girls would kill for which totally made my year back then ♡

I've got no idea what to look for as I don't remember losing any but my hairline looks the same as my daughters. Slight vamp hairline is best I can describe it.

If I find a safe way to do pics maybe you can tell me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 23, 2016, 03:24:54 AM
From the praying side I totally did that and I too did pray furiously but eventually the prayer of serenity got me to give in. Y'know the "Give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.". After that my I prayed for strength but guess I should have prayed for wisdom instead.

Fortunately my "thing" in Jan'15 brought everything into focus with my usual lament of wishing I found a genie or something to make me a woman then I got a bonus question "If I would accept such a miracle at the hands of magic would I accept it by the hands of man?". That moment changed the world and the rest as they say is history.

Religeon can always be a touchy topic. I identify as Catholic but I kinda reframe a few things. First and foremost the concept of sinning was too complicated so I changed it "A sin is something that hurts someone that doesn't deserve it" I think most rational people would agree with that. As for praying that's cool for a chat but need to remember "There may be pixies there may be elves but God helps those that help themselves." I'll do stuff myself but if any gods want to lend a hand they are welcome to do so if not they should just leave me to it. As for the existence of Gods I say "Gods exist for those that believe in them". Religious wars I find tragic yet hysterical with people killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend. Thinking of it that way really puts things in perspective. In the end people choose their actions and should be held accountable for them by their fellow man if possible but if they sneak by them the idea of some kind of punishment might make people feel better.

Wow I just did the religeon thing hope I didn't break the world or something but figured best to throw my mess out here seeing as we were talking about praying. I'm cool with anyone believing whatever they want or not so long as they at least try not to hurt people. They don't have to be good neutral will do.

I still love the Game of Thrones thing "What do we say to the God of Death?" "Not today!".
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 23, 2016, 02:28:46 PM
Thats good Jerrica, the voice being "variable" mines is terrible. Haha.
Yep I am so lucky for my hair, but I kinda wish i didn't notice it, I can't stop checking it now haha,
You are advancing so fast its crazy, trach getting done so soon, lucky you.
I duno what to do about mine, its not too noticeable and its an op that freaks me oyt :S
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 23, 2016, 02:53:44 PM
Have you tried putting pictures here?  I use the Tapatalk app on my phone to view this forum. The app includes a pretty easy way of adding pics to your posts. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fuploads.tapatalk-cdn.com%2F20160923%2Fa5fe6b70f02374ab2d73438b5f8173e3.jpg&hash=e9bdc0aa2ae368d7e8900ebe9ec8084b7a2a913b)



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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 23, 2016, 03:05:00 PM
Yeah I like it my voice doesn't hurt as much as the original did so all good. Too scared to record it but by feel it's better.

Been such a cool year for stuff. Expensive and painful yeah but being alive is totally worth it. So looking forward to 2017 as if I'm lucky everything bar the finale should be done and healed by end of 2016.

Well I suppose GIC will have hoops etc I guess but have been told my own timeline will be taken into account and they should kinda catch up to me pretty quick. Fingers crossed as I would like to be finished by end of next year then have my 100% normal life. In the end I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen but would like to do it through NHS as I don't really have a bundle of cash waiting to be spent.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 23, 2016, 03:06:32 PM
Pics to forum is too open for me. I don't mind sharing my face with you, Christine, Tasha & Sarah but the whole Internet is too much.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 23, 2016, 03:08:42 PM
Ah. Gotcha. No problem.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 23, 2016, 03:21:52 PM
Need to see if I can split my FB. Saw something about lists to ultimately allow you divide people into like family, friends, work etc to set up firewalls between groups online but I fell asleep before I could work it out.

Sounds great if it can do what I want which is just split family and friends then I can do a separate photo album for stuff.

Overly complicated probably but think it could work.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 23, 2016, 03:24:24 PM
Interesting. Never knew you could do that.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on September 23, 2016, 08:27:42 PM
Well, if all else fails, I can get bottom surgery..... sounds nice, but not knowing how it feels to have different parts is kind of exciting and nerve wracking at the same time....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on September 23, 2016, 10:54:11 PM
Aaaand, I just realized I was responding to an old post... lol, whatever...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 23, 2016, 10:56:05 PM
That's funny. I was trying to figure out what you were talking about. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on September 24, 2016, 07:00:26 PM
hi girls,
    Jerrica, If you have an email that gives you onedrive you can create an album that you can share with specific people. or for people with and only people with the link that you would provide. I'm not sure if googles drive has similar features.

   Yes, facebook allows you to put people into different catergories friends, family etc and then decide which things to share with each category. I'm not sure how narrow that access can be. Meaning you could say I will share pictures with family but not friends. I don't know if you could say, for example, I will share this album with family and friends but this album is for family only.

Christine, I'm jealous of your measurements!! I love women with hips and desperately want bigger hips myself. there isn't much difference between my waist measurement and my hips. my hips are 39" but that is deceptive 'cause my booty adds to it. My waist is 37"  If I lost some of the belly fat it would give me more of an hour glass though. but it's just so stubborn it doesn't want to go anywhere! As I've mentioned before I wear hip enhancers and with them on my hips are 41" Not enough to give me much of an hour glass figure but at least it looks like I have hips.  ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 24, 2016, 07:05:09 PM
Another great private place to share things is Dropbox.  You can store stuff in the cloud that only you have access and then share a link of a location in your Dropbox folder to specific people.  You can also remove that link access anytime too.  Works well for me and its free for a limited amount of data.

Interesting concept of the hip enhancers.  Never have thought of those...  Might have to think of them sometime.  Not sure if they would work for me though...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on September 25, 2016, 12:33:16 AM
They are pretty insane I think, I sometimes wonder am I intersex lol, but my T was perfectly normal and so is everything down ther.
Im mostly skin bone and muscle, hopefuly as muscle builds on my hips and but and as my core weakens the difference will be even more noticeable.
If you have a bit of a belly it will definitly hide your hips, gona have to work hard to get rid of it, jogging and running, even I need to do more
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on September 25, 2016, 01:30:24 AM
yeah there are other cloud storage services that are way more secure and better then one drive and and google drive. Such as drop box. I'm just not familiar with them. So, I mentioned what I am familiar with.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 29, 2016, 02:26:09 AM
It's funny now I've got Tapatalk back on my phone I keep checking for updates but it's a pretty quiet world in here.

Guess no news is good news though :)

In the meantime I finally took my measurements but can't find my last set to compare.

I really should get back on the diet but not today.

Height not measured probably still 182cm about 6' I think
Overbust 89cm 35"
Bust 95cm 37.5"
Underbust 84cm 33"
Waist 76cm 30"
Hips 92cm 36 and a bit"
Thigh 50cm 22.5"
Calf 36cm 14 and a bit"

No idea about ratios but probably adds up to chunky lol

So I guess with traditional stats I'm 37.5-30-36.something seems not overly bad.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 29, 2016, 03:44:06 AM
Been like an hour and my numbers are weighing on me already. Need to get rid of what's left of my belly.

If it won't go through diet and exercise it'll be lipo and a tuck but yeah it so has to go lol

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 29, 2016, 08:25:01 AM
Good luck with all that Jerrica!  I hope it works out ok.

I noticed something yesterday for the first time. When I was going down the stairs fairly quickly like I always do I felt my boobies were a bit tender. Maybe I will finally start seeing some changes!  How exciting!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on September 29, 2016, 09:14:10 AM
Lipo is ages away just a fun idea for my "Someday List".

Sounds good for changes Jenny. Changes can be kinda sneaky then all of a sudden it's like wow.

I do enjoy stairs for that fun wee bounce. Makes me smile and giggle everytime.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on September 29, 2016, 10:00:46 AM
My thoughts exactly!  It's amazing how we all get excited about new pains in our bodies. I guess the old saying holds. No pain no gain. Grow, boobies grow!  I want to get rid of my breast forms!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 02, 2016, 01:37:41 AM
HI girls,
   Sounsd like you got some pretty good measurements Jerrica.

I feel your pain about getting rid of the belly Jerrica. I bought a groupon for lipo laser.  it supposed to work and it was pretty cheap so we'll seee how it works. I'll be happy with any measurable reduction but hopefully it takes a lot.  ;D

it was a friends birthday... well, it's actually today but we celebrated last night. Anyway, he, like the rest of my friends, has been really good. As has his sister. His mom friended me on facebook which I took as a good sign but I haven't seen his parants since I started transitioning. When they got there his mom gave me a hug and his dad was like "well, since you're a woman now I guess I should give you a hug." then hugged me. how did i get so lucky to know such great people??

I hope you all are doing good.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 02, 2016, 08:02:09 AM
I'll really need to get around to checking ratios etc but hardly ever have a quiet moment. Expect nothing diet and exercise can't fix though. Apparently quite lucky with my body overall which makes it lot easier to be me than it ever was to be him. Find I'm fixating a bit more on my face but hoping that will pass when I get my normal eyebrows back. Next try on Saturday to see if we can get closer to my design. Still not got to orthodontist yet but maybe later this month.

Gotta love family and friends making it so easy to from dead guy to me with like no weirdness at all. Wouldn't have thought people could do that but my family are indeed awesome so defo lucky and glad to hear you have the same luck ♡
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 02, 2016, 02:35:09 PM
That is awesome sarah!!! My "supportive" sister-in-law recently used my transitioning to hurt my wife while they were arguing.... she didn't intend for me to see it, but it was through text and my wife asked me to read them before she did, so she wouldn't get too upset and say something too mean.... well, her sister has no idea how long I will hold a grudge and that she seriously screwed up this time... she thinks she can just show up whenever she wants and everything will be fine... but, I want nothing to do with her now.... some people....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 02, 2016, 05:24:49 PM
Sorry to hear about your sister in law tasha.

I never gave much thought to ratios I just want to be happy with how I look. Flat belly, what I consider nice hips. which frankly I have no idea exactly what that means for me but I will know it when I see it i think. and of course nice boobs which I'm sure I'm going to have to get implants to get.

I keep forgetting to mention... a few weeks ago I saw my doctor again and got some more referrals. I'm starting to feel like I must be crazy or something. So, I got a referral to the other Psychiatrist in my area that specializes in Gender dysphoria. And all on his own my doctor also referred me to another psychiatrist. Which I'm thinking is just to help me move along 'cause I can see him sooner then the specialists. I actually got my appointment with him in early December. So, now I got referrals to three different Psychiatrists and there's the Psychologist I've been seeing... what a pain in the ass. I just want to be me damnit!!!!! why do they have to make it so difficult?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 02, 2016, 11:47:50 PM
Sorry to hear all that Tasha and Sarah. I hope it all works out. Tasha, I know how you feel about your sister in law. I pretty much have the same issue with my oldest sister and my parents. Still not talking to any of them. It's interesting that they are willing to lose me again after just getting me back into their lives after 8 years of me not being around due to arguments. At least I have my middle sister. She has many of the same issues as I do with them as well so we have each other at least.

Sarah, are all these psychiatrists preventing you from getting hormones?  That sucks. Be yourself no matter what anyone says.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 03, 2016, 03:08:37 AM
Jenny,
no the psychiatrists are my ticket to hormones. The Endocrinologist wouldn't accept the referral from my psychologist. She wanted one from the gender Psychiatrists. Which is stupid!! they've updated the policies for changing the gender markers on drivers license and other gov't ID's. ANY doctor or psychologist can sign off on it now. Before you also couldn't do it before you had SRS, GCS or whatever you prefer to call it.  That's no longer the case. You just have to sign a little thing that says you are going to live as your identified gender and have the neccessary form from your doctor or psychologist. Sorry I digress..

Unfortunately the gov't doesn't have any policies about treatment so I'm up against the medical profession and their practices based on out dated approaches and practices. I did raise quite a fuss and called them out on their bull...  I'm going to call the endocrinologist and see if she will accept an assessment from my psychologist now. Last I talked to her she was going to get some guidance from the gender specialists.

if I can get started on estrogen then the only reason I really need to see the gender dysphoria psychiatrists is for the referral for surgery. At this time they are still the only ones authorized by the gov't to do it. So basically the way it works here, if anyone is interested, is: You see the Psychiatrist usually for 6 - 9 months, Potentially up to 18 months, before they will sign off on it. Then you apply for funding as they only pay for so many a year. Once you get your funding approved then your surgery is booked with Dr. Brassard in Montreal. It is the only place they will pay for you to get it done. Their wait is currently about a year and then off you go. So based on all that I'm hoping for surgery in 2019. realistically i think late 2019 is possible.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 03, 2016, 06:17:07 AM
Sorry to hear about the family problems Tash and hope your wife is ok.

Hell of a song and dance they are putting you through Sarah just hope they finally get moving for you.

Totally off topic I'm starting to feel like a pokemon and I'm about to evolve again this time from Jerrica into Alice.
Got a bit of cold feet over it as Jerrica has been good to me but too many people use Jerri which obviously sounds like Gerry and that's a problem for me so clean break to Alice I think.

2019 seems forever away but it's good to have a date in mind to work towards.
I'm not that organised so goodness knows when I'll be finished.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 03, 2016, 10:16:53 AM
Nice to meet you, Alice. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 04, 2016, 04:12:39 AM
He he.... so funny you say that.... I chose Tasha because it was so close to my real name that I figured it would be easy to answer to it. My name was Taj.... so tash is real close... doesn't bother me... I just realized how easy it was to earn a nickname with my new name that is almost exactly my real name.

That's all good though, so, hi Alice!! Glad to be a part of you journey!!!! 😊
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 04, 2016, 04:14:22 AM
Oh, and wife is good... she is 💯 % supportive and is just as angry as I am....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 04, 2016, 11:42:02 AM
Fantastic news your wife is 100% it would have been horrible if someone was able to shake her or you.

At first I had picked my name for similar reasons it allowed me to get from "He who shall not be named" through Jerri to Jerrica which was cool.

Only problem was once I was on the other side I really wanted to close that door but couldn't do it and it made it feel at times like people were talking to him instead of me. Never really bothered me at first as I was just that glad to be increasingly seen as me but being referred to as he and him really does bother me now particularly from those that have known me long term but seem to think it's ok because to them I was just Jerri.

Alice though gives a total break from my history and sets me up as female before people even meet me as it's a pretty "normal" name. I expect it to help people separate me from him with using the appropriate pronouns as trying to use male stuff with a name like Alice takes effort.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 04, 2016, 12:12:22 PM
Good plan, Alice.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 04, 2016, 01:00:49 PM
Eeesh.... thinking about it like that.... I hope I don't decide I feel the same way in the future.... would hate to have to "retrain" the family with yet ANOTHER new name.... but, I have come this far.... so I'll just have to see how it plays out....

I LOVE my wife!!! She knew I was trans before I did. I told her about some of my surface feelings and she was like, "well, maybe you're trans...." and I denied it for a few months before realizing and admitting to her that she was right..... lol....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 04, 2016, 01:08:20 PM
Very interesting. Wish my wife was that understanding. She hates me because of me being trans. She said our marriage was a sham.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 04, 2016, 01:10:14 PM
I've heard that story a lot Jenny, it always make me feel bad that I have that so good when it is so hard for so many people..... I truly wish it didn't have to be that way for you....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 04, 2016, 01:14:55 PM
That's ok. There are actually other reasons why it is good the marriage is done. Much happier in my own anyway.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 04, 2016, 01:23:49 PM
Well I'm glad it was all for the better at least
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 04, 2016, 06:35:03 PM
Good news for me.... I'm still me.

When it came to changing all my stuff I just couldn't do it.

I'm Jerrica and if it makes things complicated at times so be it at least I'll be me.

On the plus side with my announcement on FB and subsequent back pedal everyone knows how I feel about being Jerri so kinda worked out well for me as they will be making a proper effort to call me Jerrica.

So good to be me I'm so not ever going to think about changing my name ever again :)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 04, 2016, 06:37:21 PM
Your wife is totally awesome Tasha ♡

Got it all the wife, the name, the body it's defo good to be you but I'll settle for being me :)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 04, 2016, 06:42:27 PM
It's not all cherries love, but I do love being me.... I'm sure it's nice being you too!! Glad you are able to work thing out!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 04, 2016, 06:42:52 PM
And yes, my wife is THE best...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 04, 2016, 06:59:49 PM
Life is indeed very good but do admit I still do envy you on the wife side of things at times.

Mine is great say 80-90% so far (and rising) but she although she makes great strides forwards she does have times of being really really low. I'm sure she'll get there in the end but likes of tonight I really needed a shoulder to cry on and help to work out who I should be. She wasn't interested at all like totally noncaring which obviously only made me worse. 

It was my wonderful kids that picked up the pieces and put me back together. I feel so guilty at them having such a job thrust upon their tiny little shoulders but marvel at the power of my 3 kids simply giving me a hug and saying "I love you Jerrica".
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 04, 2016, 07:05:23 PM
I'm sorry you're having a hard time, my wife has felt that way a few times, and it's just because she didn't get it... and she admits it and tries to understand... not always successfully, but she does try..... 80-90% is lots better than 50%, I'd say you're doing pretty good....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 04, 2016, 07:25:11 PM
Overall things are great and now I've resolved my name thing I'm all good.

Wife is normally great but when she drops she drops hard. More like it happens to her rather than a conscious choice tbh. She knows it and tries to warn me to stay away when it happens but I'm the moth to the flame  ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 04, 2016, 07:37:17 PM
Lol... me effing too!!! Glad to have a friend that got to stay in a relationship too.... it seems rare.... I know it probably isn't.... but so many.....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 05, 2016, 01:00:53 AM
That's really great about your wife tasha and Jerrica too. it tells me that you married the right people.  ;D 

As much as I've wanted a partner I'm kind of glad I'm single going through this. then when I meet someone I know she'll like me for me! I reckon the support would be nice but my friends and family are good and of course I ahve you girls.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 05, 2016, 02:07:21 AM
And we love you Sarah!!! You ARE the one who brought us all together!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 05, 2016, 02:07:40 AM
😁
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 05, 2016, 03:42:13 AM
awwww shucks  :icon_love: I love you too tasha. I love all of you girls. One day I hope to meet all of you in person!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 05, 2016, 07:56:10 PM
Me too!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 05, 2016, 11:53:41 PM
Me three!  :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 06, 2016, 04:26:21 AM
grrrrr I can't sleep went to bed an hour ago and after tossing and turning I figured I would get out of bed and do something.

I got some bad news today. My Uncle has prostate cancer... not sure of the prognosis. Normally the survival rating is really high unless it spreads so hopefully treatment is successful.

So, now the family is planning a big get together for christmas. it's been over 20 years since everybody has gotten together. it'll be nice but it's also got me a little scared. I know most of the family knows. but I haven't seen them in person. The last time I went to a family get together as Sarah... it was just my aunt, uncle and cousin and her family... they all knew but it still took all of the strength I could muster to walk in the door. when there's 30 or 40 people it could be really tough.

Haven't heard anything from Christine in a few days i hope she is doing well.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 06, 2016, 06:43:58 AM
So sorry to hear about your uncle, Sarah. Hope all goes well too.

Family reunions are definitely something to think about but just be yourself. That's all that matters. Just tell everyone you are happy in your new life. Do you have to travel for it or are they coming to where you are?  I had one recently but I chose not to drive through Kansas or Nebraska. Those states are not real friendly to us so I chose not to go. Also, much of my family is extremely conservative republicans so I am sure some of them don't approve of me. Oh well. Hope all goes well for you. Talk to you girls later.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on October 06, 2016, 11:29:58 PM
Hey girls!! :)
Sorry I haven't been around much lately, Im stuck between a few rocks and even more hard places lol
Harvest has begun and I'm a week into it so far, and with that brought my brother over for it too, so I am really in hiding, even with my phone I can't browse what I want, and after a week of slow starting harvest my poor Grandfather finally passed away, which was really sad, but also very good for him, he is in a much better place now, but that too brought my mother and other brother too, he too is baisicly living here with us for the week. He is great though and I'm pretty sure I could talk to him about me. He has spent the whole time talking with my GF and she says it somehow cropped up in convo yesterday, and he was so nice about it and compasionate to trans people, he felt our pain. I always new he was a very sincere trustable person, since we wher very young I always trusted him. Telling him "I" am trans may be another storry, but something tells me he may suspect it, I mean my changes may be slightly noticeable.
I am going to leave you girls with that for now.
Harvest should last another month, and will be tight going, I don't think I have noticed much weakness in my body, my strength always came from my head anyway.
Last night I finished up at 11 o'clock at night, I start at 7, and I am back up again now at 6, it is tough here and 11 is pretty early. X3 oh and a bonus the weighing scale at work tells me I'm 68 kilos and thats with all my work gear :3
Anyhooo, I love you all and I hope youse are safe and well.
I will catch use if and when I can :)
Byyeee!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 07, 2016, 06:23:24 AM
FB still stuck as Alice  :embarrassed:
So annoying as i'm dying to post and Like stuff and I can't as I don't want to see a name that isn't mine.

Still a lucky escape after all the time it's taken me to be me and I can't believe I was stupid enough to almost give it up.
Mega up side from all the publicity with my announcement, name change and frantic backpedalling everyone now understands that Jerri hurts me and will be extra sure to use my full name from now on.

With that on my side I've also now buried Jerri at work too with another email (not as big and epic as last one but it worked) so yay me I've burned the bridge and I'm just me now with no strings to the past.

Partners can be a double edged sword. If supportive they can be awesome when not they can be rather devastating.
I've had my share of both from crying to Rosie (my teddy bear) feeling alone and hated by the one I love right through to crying with happiness with nail dryer and nightie as presents from her. (might be seeing a theme with the crying here - lol).
Speaking of which my SO is coming back out of her darkness again so hopefully be her normal good self for a while. It's that way I know she loves me and she knows she loves me but her brain struggles against all the girl/girl=bad programming leaving her a bit mixed up and even fearful mostly about what people will think.

Think she might need to just have one schnapps too many some night and ravish me to get it out her system   >:-)
She agrees but I don't want her to have me while she's drunk so I'll wait until she's ready  :angel:

Echoing everyone else's earlier sentiments Sarah you did bring us all together in here so at least you're never completely alone.

I know your scared of the family gathering Sarah but must be so exciting too. I've seen most people in chunks so far but would really really love a full on clan gathering with everyone. That said though everyone knows about me which is pretty cool and as "he" had basically already died long ago as far as the family was concerned. Guess it might have made it easier as they weren't really losing anyone but gaining a daughter/sister/aunt/niece but I'll take it. I'm sure your family will get on board although it be easier or harder for some. Personally I was blown away with just how welcoming everyone was as y'know I was expecting hellfire etc so hopefully yours will be the same.

The cancer thing is horrible and hope his treatment goes well.
At the risk of taking advantage of a misfortune it may help your family to remember how important family is and make them less likely to be negative.

Lastly I'm so looking forward to my first Christmas it's going to be sooooo much fun.
SO's folks and brother coming to our place for dinner. Think everyone else going to my folks which is 2 mins walk from mine so I'll get to see everyone on Christmas day  ;D

Christine's turn I have a really hard time thinking of you as anything but just another pretty girl in that kind of way that if you threw on guy clothes I'd still be going "yup defo a girl". 68kg in your work gear very very good you do indeed seem to have it all I'm too scared to check mine now. Sorry to hear about your grandfather and the extra worries it has brought to you as relatives appear on the scene. Plus side as with Sarah it may work in your favour as hard times are good for bonding drawing everyone closer together. Your own physical strength will likely stay the same as you are continuing to use what you had but you do seem to have a delicate frame as opposed to being the Hulk so no worries there. Broadly for muscle use it or lose it seems to be the way of it. For myself I purposefully dumped my strength as I was too mechanical because the muscles had been strengthened on machines. Never bulky (even when I tried in the past) they would just get stronger when used in the same way as the machines so to learn to move properly I had to let myself get weaker while working on my aerobics etc to even it out. After GCS I'm wanting gymnastics, swimming and dance classes so badly I could scream. For your own muscle being grown doing actual work their range of movement and strength distribution are likely to be far more balanced as I couldn't imagine you moving anything less than gracefully.

Exciting times ahead for you both for family stuff and really hope it goes well for you.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 07, 2016, 06:23:38 AM
Nice to hear from you Christine!  Sorry to hear about your Grandfather. You are right, he is in a good place, especially if he was in any pain. I lost my grand parents many years ago and it was tough. Still miss them to this day.
Hope you are able to somewhat be yourself while your family is around. I know that is tough. I have to switch back to male mode tonight since I pick up my son tonight and he doesn't know about me yet. Hoping to have some meetings with his therapist and mine soon so we can get him on board soon.
Filed for my official name change with the court yesterday. Now I anxiously await their decision. My friend wrote a motion that argues that the requirement for publication in newspapers for trans individuals is unsafe and not needed. It got approved when she applied for hers. Her name change is now official and she didn't have to publish. Tasha, I think you are the only other person in this group that is in the states. If your state requires publication and you want to use the motion, I am sure you could. She is making it available to trans people changing their names.

Gotta get ready for work now. Talk to you girls later. 

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 07, 2016, 11:09:16 AM
Funny how easy you can change your name in the UK just pen, paper & 2 witnesses then you're done.

I like to print mine though but you could hand write it.
The court things sounds big expensive and a bit scary tbh.

Hope they agree and give you your name  ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 08, 2016, 12:23:15 AM
Nice to hear from you Christine. Sorry to hear about your grandfather. Sound like you got some work to do for the next while. I hope everything goes well for you and look forward to hearing from you when you can.

Jerrica, most of my family knows and have been really good so I'm not really expecting anything bad. It still doesn't make walking into a large group, for the first time, as Sarah any easier.

Changing your name here is pretty easy here too. you just go to a registry... they privatized them a long time ago and the service is so much better. submit the form and they send it in to vital statistics. They do whatever it is that they do and then send you a Certificate of Change of Name in the mail.  With that you can change id's and stuff. I don't get why it's a judicial thing in the U.S. seems to make it more of a thing then it is.

well girls I need to get my beauty rest or I'm going to start looking like Fiona and then wake up next to Shrek.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 08, 2016, 10:40:26 AM
Yeah I can imagine. Funny when meeting my cousin recently she told me SHE was nervous which we had a good laugh about as she quickly followed up with it wasn't awkward at all. I must admit I haven't given any real thought or worry to meeting any of my family. Guess I forgot ;)

By the sounds of it your own family should welcome you.

"Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere"
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 09, 2016, 02:38:25 AM
Lol... worry.... thanks Jenny, but I don't think its required here. And when I do it, I think I'm going to be changing it while I totally change careers.... sorry to hear about all the problems and anxieties.... I'm also in the middle of some anxiety issues as well....  not too bad. Just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm thinking of you.... I need sleep, I'll read through these again and respond with a little more thought soon. Night ladies!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 09, 2016, 09:21:44 AM
I actually think Colorado is one of very few states that still requires the publication. It's totally silly. Glad to hear you don't need to worry about it. Not much going on here. I have my son this weekend so I have to be in male mode all weekend. He is pretty much the only person on the planet that doesn't know about me. I hope to remedy that soon. My wife is being really bad about him knowing or not. We are supposed to set up a meeting with his therapist to tell him but she is dragging her feet not even responding to my emails regarding getting the meeting set up. I told her if I don't we don't have a date set by the end of this week I will simply tell him myself. She pisses me off to no end. Ugh


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 09, 2016, 04:16:52 PM
Ughh, sorry about your ex, that is a bunch of crap. All of these closed minded people in the world suck!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 09, 2016, 04:26:01 PM
Yep


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on October 09, 2016, 11:44:13 PM
Hey eveyone, I think is the start of the real hard work now this week, I wont get. Much chance after that to visit, or reply.
My mother is so far really taking this bad, we hadn't much time to talk through the week with harvest, but I can see she is struggling, I feel so bad about it all, what did she want me to do? Say nothing, end up depressed or worse?
I alway thought I would just run away, dissapear, but I trusted her and now I am being guilt tripped to no end, and its all based of Selfish how will people look at the family sort of bs. I am sick with it :/
On the other hand, I have talked to my other younger brother, who was super suportive, he was so interested by it all, he is a great ally, I could youse him to tackle my mother, but I have told him not to let her know he knows yet, I want her to come to terms with it by herself. She looks up all the negative stuff, thats the problem.
She has never read anything nice! :/
Anyway ther is some positive and that is what matters.
I hope you girls will all be OK and have some fun these next coming weeks, do it for me atleast :')
It should have all calmed down by November.
I will see you girls latter, byyyeeee
*Hugs* Christine
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 10, 2016, 12:29:31 AM
Really glad your bother is with you. Your Mum sounds a bit like my older sister. She kinda freaked out doing the whole "What will people think?" but once she knew that everyone knew the question was answered allowing her to chill out. Funniest part was being asked if I was sure I was trans, like seriously 😂

Hope your Mum gets over what HER problem rather than yours. Funny how much some think the problems we have already dealt with on our own are such an inconvenience to them.

Really hope all goes great while your away and you see this before you go offline.

Hugs ♡

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 10, 2016, 03:49:28 AM
Hey girls,
    Jenny  that really sucks about your wife dragging things out. I hope you can get it resolved quickly.

Christine, it's good to hear your are finding some support from your brother. Mums can have a really hard time with this. hopefully, given some time, she will come around. Also, congratulations on telling them I'm sure it was tough to do. Try not to work too hard and take care. looking forward to hearing from you when you have time.

So, here in Canada October 10 is Thanks giving. we had a family dinner the day before which was really nice. Had lots of laughs. It was overall pretty good. people made an effort to call me Sarah. though I was called and referred to by my old name as well. I don't mind that much it's pretty new for them and I haven't seen them that much. it was actually the first time I saw one Aunt and uncle there since I started transitioning. So, I'm being pretty understanding. Especially since people were making an effort to refer to me correctly.

Perhaps Christmas won't be as bad as I feared. I've personally come a long way these last few months and i got a couple more to go. I think it will be ok.  ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 10, 2016, 04:48:19 AM
Very happy for you Sarah!!! Glad that went well AND that you are understanding to others' adjustments as well.... Christine, I feel for you.... I hate people making it seem like we are "choosing" this "thing" that is going to inconvenience them because it is so worth everything else we "want" to deal with..... it sucks!!! Hope everything comes out okay!!!

Love you ladies, goodnight!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 10, 2016, 04:51:54 AM
Brilliant news Sarah. So glad it went well and you had a good time. The more time goes on the less you should hear old names which is wonderful. By Christmas I think everyone should be used to you being you making your first Christmas extra special.

I'm still smiling at not hearing the shortened form of my name since my name change shenanigans.

FB fixed too (thank you hack recovery tool) life is good.

Another name dead :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 10, 2016, 04:53:40 AM
Yay Jerrica!!! Are we fb friends??
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 10, 2016, 06:00:28 AM
Would totally love to be but I'm scared.

I worry about trans stuff somehow bleeding into my FB but sitting here in the car thinking about it now it seems kinda silly of me. Was trying to think of some clever way before to like split things to keep my "normal" life separate from everything I do to make it happen if you know what I mean. I know it sounds horrible and it probably is...... scratch that.

New plan going to try something...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 10, 2016, 08:47:11 AM
Tried a messenger thing starting "Hi Tash. Guess who" if you want to throw me a friend request. Found a setting so only people on my friends list can it which is half the battle. Didn't know my list was public before that.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 10, 2016, 09:39:51 AM
May I do the same Jerrica?


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 10, 2016, 10:29:55 AM
Still testing FB stuff. Making progress only friends can see friends but only if they are mutual friends.

Now to think about filtering breadcrumbs. Must be a way.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 10, 2016, 10:37:21 AM
Ok. Let me know when your testing is complete. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 10, 2016, 03:11:49 PM
Closest I've got is a partial solution which would pretty much work but I don't like part of it as it's not fair.

First the good news Sarah, Tasha & Christine all have fully shielded profiles so breadcrumbs totally not an issue there can just do regular friend requests as if someone gets nosey and looks you up its basically a dead end which is the same as me.

Now the horrible bit but I have to explain something important first about my own problems which I cannot stress strongly enough are MY problems.... As you know I have major big time issues with wearing a trans label that part isn't news to any of you.

In truth I am deeply ashamed and resentful of my past which I consider to be my trans time costing me decades of my life and leaving me with deformities that can only be properly masked with surgeries. The same way I get parts removed from my physical body to be closer to normal I do the same with information about me.

I do truly admire those that can own the trans gig like Jenny but it's not something I can do. It really is great how open she is about everything and I would never ever want her to dull her sparkle but I can't directly link to her profile.

There is a way around it and can still be friends on FB but by sticking a Restricted tag on her it prevents any breadcrumbs.

I don't want to treat any of my friends differently than others but it's the only thing that gets close to what I need.

Like I said it's horrible but it's honest.

I'm really really sorry Jenny and hope I haven't upset you but I need my life this way. I do want to be your friend on FB and know I could have just tagged you without saying but it wasn't fair so wanted to explain.

If any of you would still like to be friends on FB I'll send requests or chat things so you know where I am.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 10, 2016, 03:29:56 PM
Oh, Jerrica, you will never upset me. I completely understand your caution and support you 100%. Can you help me understand what I need to do to make my profile more secure to be able to see your stuff?  I did accept the friend request that I saw. Just let me know how I can help.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 10, 2016, 03:39:19 PM
Thank you I do worry about upsetting people as I know how fragile I can be at times.

You should be able to see everything as far as I know. I'll boot up the laptop to try the preview as someone else thing.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 10, 2016, 03:54:11 PM
I think I understand Jerrica. When I created my facebook for Sarah and even still I didn't want just anyone being able to see things. I'm also picky who I accept friend requests from. For instance I have to know you. Seems pretty simple to me but just because we have mutual friends or share some other connection doesn't mean I want you on my facebook.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 10, 2016, 04:26:39 PM
I feel the same way. I don't accept any friend request from anyone I don't know even if they are friends with my friends. If they are, I check with my friend before I accept.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 10, 2016, 05:08:16 PM
Same I'm very strict only family on mine plus my 1 friend of 18+ years or so (who later became family too) and you 4.

Nothing that exciting on my FB but it's my wee life and I love it so I'm ridiculously protective of it.

The Restricted thing is rubbish btw; doesn't do what I wanted it to so I've removed it but not to worry.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Michelle_P on October 10, 2016, 05:38:41 PM
Hi, hope you don't mind my poking my long nose in here...

Facebook can be pretty neat, but damn, the algorithms they use can be sneaky and deep-digging.  Like most of you, I have a fairly locked down facebook account, Friends only on everything, and not much of that.  In addition, to dodge the pesky cookies Facebook leaves everywhere (every page on the Web with a "Like" icon drops a unique cookie, and Facebook reads and associates all of them), I access my Facebook account from a separate "Michelle" user account on a single personal computer and a dedicated "Michelle's iPad2".

I don't want Facebook associating Michelle with my family and bombarding them with suggestions that they "friend" my ugly mug, and I don't want Facebook's Auto-Outer outing me or killing my account, as they have done to many LGBTQ friends.  I go to some lengths to keep Facebook from doing its clever network building for me, as I don't want that help at this time.

Once I go full-time and get my ID paperwork finished I may change this, but for now, "Be Careful" is the phrase of the day. 

Oh, my avatar on Facebook is the same as here, just mirror reversed.  (Yes, I know how their face matching algorithm works.). In case anyone wants to find me. :)

- Michelle
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 10, 2016, 07:26:02 PM
OMG my mom just called me Sarah for the very first time!!!!!!!!!! she said Marcus at first and I was a little annoyed but then she said Sarah!!! Wow progress

wwwww Jerrica now I feel special!    ;)

Hi Michelle,  welcome to our little group post. we just try and support each other and share with each other what going on with us.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 10, 2016, 09:55:13 PM
Wonderful news Sarah I'm glad thanksgiving went well.

Feels so good when your Mum smiles and calls you by your real name.
It's the best validation ever after all she gave birth to you so if she can manage your name the there's no excuse for anyone else not getting it right.

Like "If anyone's not sure who I am ask my Mum!!!!".
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 10, 2016, 10:24:41 PM
Hey Michelle

Yeah FB can be really sneaky. I can imagine the fear people must feel if they're trying to keep 2 lives separate when they cross.

I'm pretty lucky as I'm just me all the time so everybody close to me knows my past and stuff but to everyone I'm just a normal girl which I of course love. But because it has been so easy to then nail anything trans to my profile would make me feel less than normal and that's so not happening hence my occasional meltdown about information/privacy.

Fortunately over the past goodness knows how many months I've grown to trust Sarah, Tasha, Christine and Jenny a lot which is why I've let them cross the line from my detached net identity into my real world stuff with my family, names, pics etc. I consider myself very lucky to be their friend.

It has been an amazing year if I think about it all and it's not finished yet...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 11, 2016, 06:19:01 AM
That's so nice, Jerrica. I feel lucky to have you as a friend too!  Forever friends.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 11, 2016, 07:08:52 AM
Well thanks to you and my shenanigans last night I've grown up a wee bit more which I'm glad of. Being a girl is easy growing up into a woman that's hard I'm just glad y'all put up with me ♡

I find it so funny to be transphobic at times (after it - during is so not funny) but another step forwards now.

Feel free to tag or do whatever facebooky stuff you like btw. Make yourselves at home :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 11, 2016, 08:23:33 AM
Great Jerrica!  I do know the feeling. I often feel extremely dysphoric and it's hard to bounce out of it. I just have to keep plugging and continue being myself as you well know. I am so much more happy now that I can actually be myself. Strange thing for me though, is that I didn't have a clue of all of this back in January/February. It pretty much just snapped in March/April. Jenny was born and has never stopped since. Totally thrilled. Gotta go to work. Talk to you later hun.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 11, 2016, 11:58:18 AM
Yup been stalking y'all on FB to catch up ;)

Your own stuff has been great. Whereas I basically killed who/what I was and took my body back you actually seemed to change and grow taking your world with you which was really cool.

I find it amazing how well you girls deal with your pasts and of course how far we've all come in a matter of months. All almost in sync it'd be funny if we all end up finished at the same kind of time too. Although a bit jealous of you all for being in official channels but another 3 months and get to play catch up with you at GIC.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Shelby406 on October 11, 2016, 12:16:54 PM
Happy Birthday!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 12, 2016, 01:13:06 AM
hehehe thank you Shelby that was like 8 months ago.... pretty soon I'll be posting about my next birthday   ;D

I don't post all that much on facebook. but i try and keep up with everyone.

oh forgot to mention the other day my mum mis gendered me and then corrected herself and gendered me correctly. Which was a first. it seems she's finally starting to accept me as Sarah. She did always want a girl......... hehehehe
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 12, 2016, 10:48:01 AM
That's pretty much fb in a nutshell.... not much, but we can share a small part of our lives. That is now the only profile I use and I indeed like to keep it private as well. Glad we are all connected there though!!😁
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 12, 2016, 11:02:07 AM
Me too deeply personal stuff is restricted to you gals, my eldest daughter & my diary.

So funnily yous get more than everyone else instead of less you poor poor girls being exposed to inside my head lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 12, 2016, 11:09:45 AM
Oh almost forgot Sarah totally loving your Mum doing well with name and gendering.

I did sometimes worry about my Mum and did ask her how she was handling it as I basically killed her son. On the surface she has been seriously amazing and I worried she could be feeling otherwise deep down. She says of course she had to grieve for her son but as she had already lost and mourned her son years before I arrived in her life so it probably made it a bit easier and most importantly she loves her daughter which was like the best answer ever.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 12, 2016, 11:13:59 AM
Oh can't remember if we talked about it already but I'm weighing up cosmetic Vs full GCS on another thread.

Giving some serious consideration to full.

Early days sure but it's nice to know what I want.

Any thoughts?

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 12, 2016, 11:35:56 AM
I could easily see myself getting facial surgery over bottom surgery. Hard to say though. Long time down the road.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 12, 2016, 12:29:11 PM
Can be fun though to think ahead.

FFS is a maybe but not a priority. Don't honestly know what they would suggest  but everything considered.

So looking forward to my trach (4 weeks max to slice and dice) once that's healed I'll feel a lot better as that's my main tell.

Still going to push for Orchi asap then obviously GCS once the GIC do whatever they do after.

Orthodontics referral in and waiting for consultation I'll pay it up if I have to but sooner I start the sooner it will be finished. Want proper train tracks and  bite alignment for upper and lower teeth so big job.

Once that's all done I'll feel rich as I won't have to pay for any work on me apart from my usual necessities of course hair, nails, brows etc but they're fun.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 12, 2016, 06:51:01 PM
yeah i was a little nervous about my mum. I've heard from other transgender people where their mums never change. some that do and a some that fall in between. My mum started complimenting me on things early on... nice shoes, skirt etc. but still saw me as her boy. she has come a long way and having her call me Sarah and refer to me as a girl gives me hope. I think it'll help once I'm on estrogen and start voice training. Surely it will be easier to see me as a girl when i really look and sound the part.

the only facial surgery I want is my nose and it's not really even that I need to do it. I just want a smaller cuter nose.  :D  As a man I think it's fine but women tend to have smaller noses so that's what I want. I don't have a very prominent adams apple so I'm not really concerned about that. I actually told a girl that other day I was trans and she asked if I had it shaved. It was a good thing to be asked, tells me I don't really have anything to worry about there.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 13, 2016, 02:00:37 AM
Curiouser and curiouser..... I am not sure if I know the difference, is cosmetic only top? And the other both? I know that along the way here, I will be doing top surgery for sure.... and if the hormones mess with functionality too much, I'll have to do that too..... but.... until then, my voice is okay at least, and I feel pretty confident these days.... the most important part of my genitals is playing with my wife, so as long as everything below is working I'd leave it..... my lower half does NOT define my gender.... anyway.... I will have to get back to all this later, bit of rambling today.... but, love you ladies!!!! G'night!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 13, 2016, 05:00:51 AM
Cosmetic GCS gives you all the external appearance of female genitalia enough to be comfortable naked etc but no vaginal canal so you cannot be penetrated vaginally. This was my primary choice but I know I don't know everything I need to make a proper decision so I asked for help.

I have learned a lot on the other thread (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,215292.0.html) to help me think.

For me personally I can't wait to be rid of what I've been given for 2 reasons. Firstly as my position is T can kill me so losing the testes removes a gun from my head that is there 24/7. Secondly and almost more importantly to me at this time is appearances as seeing that staring back at me in the mirror every morning hurts me as a reminder I am different. For those that are happy with their genitalia fantastic but for me it's a problem. Also although I can tuck effectively enough without tape etc the fear of exposure is always there if in my swimsuit etc. In my regular clothes no worries there but there is minor movement during my aerobics class; nothing I can't adjust and everyone in class know about me but it still annoys me.

So for me GCS is a must and with all my musts I want it now, now, now, NOW!!!!!

But GCS comes in 2 main varieties Cosmetic gives all the looks but no penetrative sex and no need to dilate ever.
Slice and dice then that's it forever. That side really really appeals to me.

Full doesn't require as much concern or ongoing maintenance than dilation and over time the need to dilate reduces.
Initially you could be looking at having to dilate for 30 mins 4 times a day which is a massive time commitment but eventually you could be down to as little as once a week. It's manageable and it's also possible to reach orgasm from internal or external stimulation which could be a serious bonus.

The sex part of my brain is in lock down since last October as anytime there is any activity down there I kinda panic like it's going to take over again. This puts me in a poor position to give Full proper consideration from the sexual side as I have to operate on thought instead of feel whereas I'm usually the other way around these days. After GCS of either type that part of me will be unlocked at which point I could well place significantly more value on penetration or stimulation than I do now and that's the catch.

As aesthetics slowly moves towards a given instead of a fear of "will I look ok naked?" I am gradually going further in my thoughts particularly as regards my future. It's perfectly possible my wife and I could separate or "open" our relationship at some point which opens a whole side of life I had never expected to think about dating, relationships and of course sex. In the past it was sheer luck and a ridiculous set of coincidences that got my wife and I to meet and fortunately we just clicked so I never had to do dating but it could be fun (whole other debate in my head for that over disclosure but later).

With all things being possible I think I will end up going Full as I'll probably end up taking a bi label.
Despite my lockdown I am feeling nonsexual attraction to guys and when in pain I do flirt with the idea of being comforted in the arms of guys I know (yeah my laser guy was defo my first crush but although nothing would ever happen it's fun to play in your mind especially when feeling hurt or alone). I do want to be desired as a woman be that by a man or woman I don't actually mind. Want it all really. I want to be told I'm gorgeous and looked after at times like a proper princess.

Once the sex side of my brain is unlocked I might feel sexually attracted to men but I wouldn't know until after GCS.
As pointed out though on the other thread girl/girl relationships can also utilise the perks of Full GCS so basically when I grow up enough to handle sexual thoughts if sex is on the cards which it probably will be I really should just go for Full.

Love the net it's great to be able to think online and have others help fill in gaps.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 13, 2016, 05:23:11 PM
Seems to me then like full would be the way to go.... personally, I would like to have both genitalia.... I want to know how the other feels, but I like how what I have feels, only problem with that though is appearance which still gives me dysphoric feelings at times....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 13, 2016, 11:33:51 PM
hmm I didn't know they did just the external change. I thought it was just the full GCS. So, I never really gave it any thought. as much as I don't expect to have vaginal sex I wouldn't want to not have the option if I so chose. As it's fully covered here I don't see any reason not to do the full surgery. Although it would eliminate the post op care if you didn't have a vaginal canal. Dilating and such.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 14, 2016, 12:00:41 AM
Well my decision is now made I'm going to go for Full :)

I did have a number of concerns but my fears regarding hygiene and maintenance etc have now been resolved. The functional vagina keeps options open from as little as 30 mins a week long term which is reasonable.

At a certain point I will change from using the dilators to a regular dildo/vibrator to step away from it being "medical aftercare" in my head and that should be the finish flag at the end my physical transition.

After that I can just be a "normal" girl that plays with her toy at least once a week ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 14, 2016, 12:10:47 AM
$#!+..... I am a regular girl who plays with her toy at least once a week... that's be NO problem for me.... lol....

On a more serious and appropriate note, options is key I think... we definitely do not want to limit ourselves, as we have felt so our whole lives!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 14, 2016, 12:25:31 AM
Sorry you know what I mean I hope.

Everyone wants to be what they consider "normal" in their own head with varying criteria. For myself I am in my own mind a freak but that does not mean for 1 second I tag someone other than me the same way.

Same way I say I'm fat but would disagree if it was someone else with the same stats.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 14, 2016, 12:28:00 AM
I know exactly what you mean..... I was making a little dirty joke and trying to play a little.... I hope I don't offend anybody....💖
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 14, 2016, 12:30:28 AM
Phew I paniced and blushed mightily at the potential faux pas.

No offence taken now my heart is back in my chest. That's one way to wake up a bit at 06.30 lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 14, 2016, 12:32:27 AM
😃
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 14, 2016, 12:43:01 AM
Options definitely the way to go but had to balance with the time cost considering it is for life. For arguments sake minimum 52h (inc prep and clean up) a year to allow for possibility of sex that's over 2 whole days a year. Bearing in mind my sex lock down dilation was clearly viewed as work and not play by me.

That way I couldn't see it as an end if there was more work to do forever leaving that freak tag in my head every time I'd ever have to do it. With the toy switch I can use that as a finish line to transition.

All my worries on the other post but everything should be ok.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 14, 2016, 12:48:11 AM
I got ya.... that was basically my thought though, dilate with a toy and it is no longer work... and once everything starts becoming "normal" then it should become even pleasurable.....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 14, 2016, 01:24:06 AM
Yup that's the plan.

I know it'll be ages until it happens but it helps with my "someday" dreams.

Just now I'm so excited about trach though I'm going to be insufferable until it's done. After that I should look "normal" to myself when dressed so I can get dolled up to the 9s without worrying that someone will spot or worse point out my Adams pineapple.

Going to be so much fun.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 14, 2016, 02:02:29 AM
I hate mine too, I am teaching myself contouring tricks to hide it..... you should come visit so we can get dressed to 9's and go out, I love getting dressed up!!! Kind of over the "do/if they know", now, I just care about being treated right and with respect..... I feel  bad sometimes, but, then someone else sees me feeling bad and "clocks" me.... then, THEY compliment me and treat me like a woman, and you know, after the last time..... I think I'm cool.....

Another one.... I went to breakfast today in my tiny town.... my wife only tags this profile now because it's the o y one I use.... she announced our marriage..... all 9 yards...... well she is friends on fb with a server, used to bartender for us.... knows us pretty well.... I think she called me Tasha at the restaurant today.... I.... went with it and think I have been a little more accepted here!!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 14, 2016, 03:06:24 AM
Funny thing is I don't think anyone else even notices it but it's that way I snag on it. My eyesight is ridiculously good combined with me being hypercritical of myself (aren't we all) it gets exaggerated many times over in my head.

Doesn't bother me day to day but if I dressed to kill and hit the town I wouldn't be able to enjoy it as much.

With electrolysis nearer the end than the beginning and trach done I'll have no fear outwith skintight gear or a very intimate encounter.

Would seriously love to meet someday as I think your confidence and style would be a good influence on me and of course a proper introduction to your lovely wife but until I trip over a bag of cash in the street I'm kinda stuck in the UK.

Would need to warn you though I have the social skills of a rock but once I'm ready I'll be hitting the town to learn. That time is almost here then I'll be ready to accept my laser guys offer to show me around to give me a safety net. After that I should be ready for the big wide world.

So glad everything working out for you in your town. Must be such a relief to be yourself without any issues. I'd probably jump like I'd been shot if I ever heard my old name. It's so good to have your own name recognised by others. Such a small thing other people don't even think about but so good for me every time.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 14, 2016, 03:26:45 AM
Lol... ya, when I get my weekend, I disconnect with my created world, and immerse myself with who I am. And when I can be there.... that takes over. No work, no given family just chosen..... and I can just exist. Sorry.... kinda chose a tangent and ran with it a little...... I should probly pass out, gotta work early.... talk tomorrow!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 14, 2016, 04:47:29 AM
Sleep well.

Tangents are good or at least I hope so given the number of times my thoughts go for a wander on here and drag y'all with me lol

Main thing is you get to be you at least some of the time which is awesome.
Sorry I hadn't realised you still had to do y'know guy stuff. You just look that good and all I know is you as Tasha I just think about you being that way 24/7.
Must be really difficult switching you're definitely stronger than I am but at least you know who you are inside.
In a way I think meeting the other you would be kind of interesting in a way but I'd worry I'd have trouble either unable to link you or maybe worse unable to separate you suppose it depends upon on who you are to you I guess.

Best just keep you as Tasha <3

I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to meet my older self face to face with me being fully restored.
When I see his pictures though or look at some of his memories I'm glad I can't.

There is/was a lot of good in there (thanks to what was left of me) he wasn't evil or anything just mostly empty and mechanical like there was nothing in there (which makes sense as there was less of me every day and I couldn't integrate with my body directly - Damn now who sounds like a machine).

Ah well he's dead and I'm alive so that's ok with me kinda win/win like he wanted out and I wanted in.

How's that for a tangent  ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 14, 2016, 06:06:06 AM
Going all sneaky for a bit as I don't want FBs facial recognition stuff or whatever to link these 2 faces but I decided to meet "him" onscreen so copy & pasted a before and now facial pic.

So half the link here and the other bit on FB. It's a bit of work to copy and paste but hopefully worth it.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BxTSHbEjQhuL

No makeup on apart from lippy on my now pic btw just selfied at work sporting almost a full week of facial hair growth. It's hard to see any but I feel some with my fingertips so need more zapping.
Hair ponied and too lazy to take it down and put it back up but shows more of the face and OMG that guy is a total stranger to me lol

Kinda funny but scary and defo reminds me I have changed a teensy weensy bit.

Not really sure why I'm sharing it tbh but somehow it seems right.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 14, 2016, 01:33:01 PM
hahahaha tasha. That's really great things are going good for you. That people are accepting you as Tasha and why shouldn't they? You are a perfectly lovely women.

And girls don't forget.... we ARE doing a girls trip in 2020 as we discussed before!!  ;D ;)

yeah once things are healed it shouldn't require a lot of care but there's always the possibility of vaginal infections and such. which I'm sure wouldn't be much fun. But i guess it's a small price to pay to be a women. we still don't have to deal with periods and the hormonal/mood swings that they can bring.  ;D

On a personal note... I met a girl that I have a HUGE crush on and I think she feels the same way. I saw her at a social club meeting last night which I'm pretty sure she only went to because I was going.  ;D we sat next to each other the whole night which I loved... but it was also killing me 'cause I wanted to put my arm around her and just snuggle up to her. Have I mentioned that I'm a hopelessly romantic sap???

So anyway at the end of the night as everyone was leaving we were talking on the way out... another women came over and sort of interrupted but we all kept talking. I went to say something to her an the other women interrupted and I got so annoyed I took my hand and covered her mouth. I know her so it wasn't totally weird but I think a little rude but whatever. then I turned back to erica (my crush) and she moved as if to give me a hug and then the other women said something and I looked back at her. then back at Erica and she asked if I wanted a hug.  I told her I would ALWAYS give her a hug and we hugged... awwwww right?????   I know I'm such a dork.

   So, she is a trans women and I don't think my ideal partner would be trans. Mainly because I want to have kids... so kind of a need a cis women for that. But I also don't care I really like her and she is beautiful... one of the best looking trans women I have met or seen anywhere!! I know most of you have partners but what do you think of dating or being in a relationship with another trans women??
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 14, 2016, 04:29:20 PM
Depends on the woman if you click and it feels right why not?

If this year has taught me anything it's to look beyond the flesh to who's inside.

Don't get me wrong I'm still heavy hung up on looks (yup I'm shallow) but cis or trans not so much of a barrier.

They have as much chance as anyone else to love and be loved.

Also a hopeless romantic.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 14, 2016, 07:16:41 PM
I completely agree Jerrica, it's so hard to find someone that you really click with. trans or cis isn't any real factor for me. Also, I want people to accept me as a women so I don't think it would be right to be like "well, I won't be with you 'cause your trans and not CIS" It would make me a bit of a hypocrite, I think.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 15, 2016, 12:16:11 AM
You're not alone I've had the same thoughts. Also worries about potential for a relationship being a mutual crutch in our need for love instead of a true love.

Also that kinda way in wanting to feel real my insecurity would end up asking me is she is interested in me Vs the whole world or just the trans world.

I way overcomplicate some things lol

That said I would like to think I would go with the flow and hopefully my own feelings at some point would work out the answer.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 15, 2016, 02:34:36 AM
Those are valid points Jerrica. I also had the thought that an upside to being in a relationship with another trans girl is that Nobody gets what it like to be trans better then another trans person. Which I think could be a good thing. But I agree it shouldn't be a crutch. I don't think it should really be a factor at all.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 15, 2016, 04:23:57 AM
Yup I agree and sounds like you know exactly what you're doing so have fun :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 15, 2016, 03:09:47 PM
Have you got a date with her yet?????
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 15, 2016, 04:29:15 PM
ahhh right to the point eh tasha?? hehe I told myself that if she came to that meeting which was the first time either of us went and I'm the one that told her about it.. that I would ask her out. Which did cross my mind many times as I was sitting there next to her. I got so scared every time I thought about it. I've actually always had a hard time asking women out that I knew. Strangers, they're easy if they say no probably never going to see them again anyway. not sure how it worked out but all my girlfriends were still women that I knew. except one that I met at a gas station... anyway.

   I didn't even get her number I'm soo dumb. now I'm trying to figure out how to get in touch with her. the meeting I first met her at and saw her earlier this week at is a once a month thing... don't really want to wait until next month to maybe see her again. There is the meeting where my post took place at, it happens again in two weeks. Don't know if I will she will make it then so only a chance there too. ahhh the last thing she said as Jade and I were walking across the parking lot was that she would see us both again soon... did I mention I'm dumb???
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 15, 2016, 04:33:48 PM
Awwwe.... it's hell I know, but dammit girl, you gotta get her number and invite her to dinner!!!! Wait too long and someone else might beat you to it!!! Be confident, the times I asked someone I knew and got turned down we ended up friends, and I later found that I was glad I got turned down.... I'm DYING to find out what happens!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 15, 2016, 05:27:16 PM
Fingers crossed if she knows how to find you she'll make sure your paths cross again very soon.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 16, 2016, 01:11:08 AM
well, I could sit around and hope so but i'm going to try and help things along. I think Jade has her number so I'm going to see if she can help get me in touch with her... one way or another. There have been so many woman that I let slip away I have to try with her even if it doesn't work out.

I don't recalll if i mentioned before I probably did but one of my dads concerns was whether my transitioning was because I've had a difficult time with women. after some reflection my conclusion was that my difficulty with women was because I wasn't myself. I had to figure this out before I could reallly be with someone. I'm still working on it but I have come a long way. I'm super self conscious about myself at this stage in my physical transition. With my face and especially my voice. But as the saying goes nothing ventured nothing gained....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 16, 2016, 01:32:08 PM
Good for you for working on making it happen.

Can totally understand that you had trouble loving others until you learned to love yourself.

Selfconsciousness defo even when told you look great you never really agree with them but smile and say thank you anyway. Gradually confidence should grow as we experience more life. Highlight for my day.... being eyed up by a cute waiter as I pretended not to see him while going up on the escalator. He was an easy read but a major confidence boost to be looked at that way.

From your pics you'll likely have had squillions of such looks so should be well on your way to feeling more confident. As for inside you seem like a good catch to me so others are bound to be more than interested.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 16, 2016, 02:12:30 PM
awwwwwwwww thanks Jerrica. thank you I think I look pretty good in the pics which is why I post them  ;D

However, I'm kind of a lazy b*(&# and I rarely actually put the effort into painting myself pretty. and these days it's even rarer that I wear a wig. of all the things I do wearing a wig makes me feel fake. I really need to work on the whole make up thing... I still have a hard times with my eyes.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 16, 2016, 07:07:13 PM
Self crowned Queen of Laziness here lol. Only thing I actually do is lipstick.

The fake thing is awful but even I've got a wee bit of padding in my bra and every hair dyed with lippy on to boot.

If I has a wig I'd probably use it if made me look as good as your profile pic ;)

Way ahead on makeup I haven't even started learning that yet but soon.

I love that expression "paint myself pretty" I'm so stealing that for when I start using makeup :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 16, 2016, 07:43:12 PM
Eyes are sooo much fun!!! I love getting all done up, I do it just for fun!!! Luckily my wife has really helped me progress in the makeup department....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 19, 2016, 01:14:51 AM
HI girls how are you all doing??

One of my newer female friends and I went to the mall today to check out this leggings store that neither of us had been to. Got 4 new pairs of leggings they are super cute.  ;D  I need some new gloves so we went around looking for some. the stores are just starting to bring them in so it was tough searching. I did find a pair. Yay!

I've been staying away from the mall and not "window shopping" 'cause it just makes me want to buy stuff. But looking for gloves I saw soo many cute clothes.... I showed self restraint and only bought the leggings and gloves but damn it was hard. I need to find a rich or atleast well off women to take care of me. Then I can live in the manner to which I wish to become accustomed. hehehehehe
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 19, 2016, 01:19:03 AM
Not so great... landlord just raised to buying price of our house on us.... was 190k, now 235k.... just when we got our two years in and ready to apply for loans..... so, looks like we lose our dreamhouse and have to move into a place that is too small for us again.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 19, 2016, 01:34:34 AM
that really bites Tasha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 19, 2016, 09:10:58 AM
Yay for shopping and major ouch on the price hike that seriously sucks.

I'm great tbh mainly counting down to next Wednesday but a lot been kinda happening relationshipwise.

As you know SO been struggling and has occasional dark phases but the dark phases have been growing in intensity and duration while triggering has become too erratic I'd even go so far as to wildly unpredictable.

Saturday started a bit rough when I had to cancel my shopping day plans with eldest to let SO have her but turned into an amazing day - Softplay with the little ones, phone call as we were leaving to join SO and Eldest for dinner then movie, gift from SO at dinner (lovely earrings) and I'm totally sparkling with love and happiness which everyone observes and even comments on. Moving on munchies etc for movie (Trolls), going great, better than ever then I made one comment ("Do you think you could be happy like that?" the characters had just gone from really sad to mega happy with hugs, kisses, sparkles, fireworks, song and dance the works) she didn't even hear me properly, misunderstood it, thought it was some kind of insult and the bubble popped instantly taking me from the highest high to the lowest low with her darkness all this within say 4 hours. This darkness lasted beyond the following day even with grovelling after her the previous night knowing I'd not really done anything wrong but to no avail.

Basically I've had enough of getting my hopes up with her then crashing down so I guess I've found a thing in my head which lets me block her a bit like my sex block. It stops me pining for her like a lovesick puppy and stops me being upset about her. Kind of like I got over her real quick and now just see her as anyone else. I'm not entirely sure what what exactly it is I've managed to do or if I can/want to undo it but it's pretty exciting. Taken full control of the household finances (already was in control but now I use my bank account instead of hers to separate clearer financially) including housekeeping now (usually I'd just give her cash and leave her to it). Her own position remains largely unchanged as I still pay for everything, her own wage she keeps as pocket money (for now) and I now do all the household shopping personally so she ends up with even more free time which I'm fine with.

So I've separated my mind and my money 100% from her and if not for the kids then physically splitting wouldn't be a problem for me which is pretty amazing. Neither of us will give up the kids and with fanatical devotion from 2 mums even a court would have serious problems making a decision. The kids want us to stay together and I am ok with that after all we are both adults that love our kids. I'll only move out alone if all 3 kids ask me to which wont happen from even 1 as my kids love me as much as I love them.

So I have a crazy plan.

I am happy enough to live together until all the kids are grown up and maybe even beyond but I'd want my own room at some point and........ a partner (she'd be welcome to do likewise of course). Said partner would need to be loved by me and my kids but I think it could work with the kids eventually having 2 sets of fantastic parents available at all times. My eldest thinks this is a great idea as do I with a great many possibilities if we all got along.

Naturally this is a not a short term plan as I'm years from being finished nor is it set in stone.

I know she has had a lot to deal with and she really has done very well with me as I have changed but her own future has to be thought of. With my wanting her to be happy I think the best thing for her is to get herself a "real man" rather than "trying" to love me.

I need real love, passion and even for my partner to lust after me.
No woman shoots for tolerated or accepted which I think is as high as she might be able to go despite her best intentions.

Random fact when typing - lust and slut are acronyms never noticed that before lol

Dang now there's a wall of text I didn't see coming when I typed my first line - Sorry y'all but there's my update.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 19, 2016, 10:27:00 AM
Ever looked back over your posts it's amazing.

All feels so long ago but only joined Susan's in April and looking back at my old posts are like ancient history.

So cool to see what difference can be made in our lives over even a short period.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 19, 2016, 10:50:51 AM
Very true!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 20, 2016, 02:00:12 AM
LOL Jerrica, I wish I could just sit her and type that much. I have a hard time expressing myself and it usually takes a bit of time. before anyone thinks... well look at your posts here.. I spend a fair amount of time on each post. reading and editing and adding to it before I finally post. I've read each post or portions thereof probably 20 or 30 times by the time it's posted. Luckily I don't have a busy life so I got time for it.  ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 20, 2016, 02:24:20 AM
Yeah I do tend to just spew wordage lol. Can end up spending mega amounts of time on it though with so many rereads but I like that I can understand myself so easily.

Hope that someday even one little thing I've ever typed might help someone else who is having trouble see things another way. Even if they go "WTF she's crazy!!!!" it'll help them appreciate their own sensible thoughts more.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 20, 2016, 02:35:09 AM
Wow I just looked at yesterday's post on my mobile screen damn that is one really big post.

At least now I know how I didn't get any work done yesterday :)

Ah well still worth it. Between here, FB and my diary if I ever get amnesia I could probably do a full rebuild of myself.

Likewise if I get hit by a bus and people wonder how I ever felt about anything the answers are probably in them.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 20, 2016, 02:36:41 AM
Uh oh decided today is a coffee day to crank up my mojo and get tons of work done to make up the rest of this week. I think the caffeine is working it's magic already.

End up making 300 posts instead of working. Oh dear.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 20, 2016, 09:39:45 PM
LOL Jerrica.. focus girl focus hehehe

went and did the lab work in preparation for surgery... wholly crap did the doctor ever order a lot tests. I think he checked half the stuff on the sheet. ok slight exageration but still...  also did my follow up work for being on the blockers.. all together they took like 6 things of blood. Urine sample and did an ecg. it'll be nice to be done with these stones
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 21, 2016, 02:18:33 AM
Hopefully with all those tests they'll get you sorted soon.

Coffee kinda failed I ended up going shopping and got my first skirt (an A line denim mini no less) which I wore straight after buying it, of course. So now I'm skirt mad and going to pick up a nice black one for work once my trach heals up a bit. A very nice male colleague at work told me "You look beautiful darling" when I popped into work and totally made my year I could listen to him say that forever. God I'm so crushing on him right now it's insane. I also think we might both might have been flirting a bit too he even offered to take me dancing some time!!!!! I'm still loyal to SO so I won't be pursuing anything with him but I love that he sees and treats me as a girl even though he knows and even talks with me about surgery stuff. My fave is that he always smiles and calls me darling when he sees me and tells me if I ever need anything just let him know he's so sweet. In another world I could so see me with him which is amazing really.

That said I did offer to help him with his CV sometime after work and well we will need to eat.....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on October 24, 2016, 11:42:55 PM
Hey Girls!!! :')
I am nearly out of the horrible work hours, I still worked to half 10 last night, which is a little earlyer, and hopefully tonight It will be even last, Its been nearly a month since I have had a day off, my hands have all hacked up and pretty much stained black on the underside.
Hopefully might get this Saturday or Sunday off.
I am so shatered right now, I would love a long weekend or something to recuperate.
My mother has been particularly horibble lately, come out with things like its a mental disorder and whatnot, she has really drained me at a time I need much strength, thank god I told my brother, he has been great, but he wants to see her on her own and face to face before he trys to set her straight.
My boobs have been growing away too, they are tiny cones but they can be quite anoying when I'm washing up at the end of the day, in a good way though.
So sore to bump em of things,
I would love to have some tests done though, I find my hips are big for what once was a guy, and I have no hairs anywher, and my beared is super sparse, I was shocked when I seen my ywo younger brothers a month ago, proper full beards. I am so lucky.
Might be that I was androgen insensitive atleast to a degree.
I would love to know.
How have things been for you girls? Any mad advancements in transition?
I hope use are all well. I am off to work again :(
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 25, 2016, 02:57:04 AM
Hi Christine,
   I was thinking of you earlier and hoping you were doing ok. I'm sorry to hear you mum is making it hard for you. Hopefully your brother can help you with her. I can't even imagine what it's like to work that much but I feel for you. I hope you get a break soon.

Exciting your body is responding to the hormones and changing. It must be soo exciting. I have to admit I'm a little jealous.

I saw my doctor today to get a refill for the Spironolactone and to go over some test results. Stupid company, I'm getting really annoyed with them. So, the company that he works for called me and told me the doctor wanted me to come in to discuss the results of my lab work. It had me freaking out a bit. He didn't understand why 'cause everything was normal. It's a private company so I think they just wanted me to come in so they could charge the government for a visit. 

I had to go see him for the refill anyway. I did also get to talk to him about everything. The last time I saw him I had him refer me to another psychiatrist and to change endocrinologists. I did hear that my referral to the psychiatrist was accepted. But I didn't hear anything about the endocrinologist. the response he got from the department was that they wouldn't do anything for me until I saw a Psychiatrist. GRRRR Stupid

On that note if your recall back I did also get a referral to another psychiatrist which I'm going to see in December. Although the letter said it was done by my doctor and his name was on the referral he didn't know anything about it. Again it was the company he works for sending me to one of their own Psychiatrists. the whole cash grab nature of it pisses me off but maybe seeing them will help me. sorry for the ranting.

On one last note I got my hair cut a couple days ago.  I didn't really want to lost any hair but for the health and to clean it up I needed to. it looks much better and the back is mostly the same length now. which means I can just sit back and let it grow longer. other then the occasional trim to remove split ends i shouldn't have to lose any significant length again.  ;D I hope you all are doing good
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 25, 2016, 08:05:41 AM
Yay posts. I had to stop myself from posting as I've been putting up too much.

So glad to hear from you Christine and that your brother is with you.
Always fantastic news for breast growth so yay you :)

Been working myself to death for a bit but almost back to a more manageable pace.

For good news though I've got trach tomorrow and crushing big time on a guy at work.
I'm going to do something silly and try to see him tonight away from work as just us to get to know him.
Thinking coffee or something (anything).

Eeek boss is back hitting button
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 25, 2016, 10:43:29 AM
Hi girls!  Sorry I haven't posted on here much lately. I have posted some on FB so you might already know what's going on with me. I can now say I am 100% out now that my son knows about me. So I am me now forever. Got my nails done last night for the first time. They are much longer than I have ever had them so they will take some getting used to. I love them though. It makes my hands seem more slim. I have been reaching out to old friends and former co-workers lately. Reconnected with my hot air ballooning friends recently and finally got to go ballooning for the first time in years. So much fun. Just crewing and chasing for the most part. My legal name change should be official in a few weeks too. Can't wait to get started changing everything including my gender marker on my drivers license. Hope all is going well for you all. Talk to you soon.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on October 25, 2016, 11:51:20 AM
Thanks Sarah, its nice to be slipping back in to normality, will still have the odd late night, but atleast Sunday should be off.
My mother has been really bad, its so sad cause I trusted her enough to talk. I should have known though as she is super religious :/
My brother that I told has been just amasing, not in a million years was I expecting that, its the best feeling in the world.
I hope you can get sorted out soon Sarah, get your E, it changes everything.
You stopped moving in the wrong direction with the Spiro, now its time to get moving in the right direction.
And I am happy for you too Jerrica, hope it goes well your wee date :3
And Jenny, how did your son take it?
Having long nails is nice, I have always grown my nails even as a guy, people would never really notice though.
Anyway, time for me to jump out of this bath! :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on October 25, 2016, 02:16:34 PM
He took it wonderfully!  He is such a good kid!  He was calling me ma'am and everything. He said I looked pretty as soon as he got in the truck when I picked him up. Didn't phase him at all.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on October 25, 2016, 11:19:51 PM
Thats so nice Jenny, your are so lucky that he was so nice about it. :)
Nice to hear the nice storries.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 27, 2016, 02:19:50 AM
Trach done :)

All went great one minute I'm in the anesthesia room the next I'm in recovery and I was still me!!!!! Was kinda scared that if I was knocked out I might have been lost in the reboot but phew.

Was ok to to eat, drink and move around within 30 mins. My body knows what movements not to make which is really cool. Obviously no big fast or strong movements for a while but still able to whip up breakfast and do the school run (I really should have a cape for doing my Supermum stuff).

Throat feels really raw and my voice is shot to pieces (more from the tube down throat than the op) but other than that feeling good. Just feels like a normal sore throat I guess and although the voice is granitey it's still my voice and not his.

Incision placement was on the throat itself so it's really going to stand out for a bit but less than my Adams apple did. Now my main concern is on minimising the scar.

Didn't manage to see my crush before surgery and I'm a but more shy now my voice is trashed. Still I'm sure I'll heal fast enough and he gives me something to think about while at home.

Now also need a cover story for scar if asked in the future.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 27, 2016, 08:34:57 AM
that's awesome Jerrica. another step in the process complete.

I heard there is a gender clinic opening in a nearby city... super excited.. hopefully i can get in soon. going to my doctor for a referral when his office opens.  ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 27, 2016, 12:51:03 PM
That is defo good news Sarah hopefully the new place will have a short list until more people find out about it.

I still find it amazing that the GIC hasn't even seen me yet. Soooooo slow here 12 months is insane to see someone. I'm just lucky my GP is so awesome to get me access to stuff without them so far.

Makes the GIC kind of pointless apart from holding the keys to SRS. Would have thought they'd be more useful for transitioning when I first read about them.

Ah well January getting closer every day I just hope they are worth the wait as I plan to be finished by the end of next year with or without them.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 27, 2016, 12:54:36 PM
Need to see if I can find a "Planning your Thailand SRS trip 101" on the net.

Think I'll see how fast it could be done if I took out a loan to do it.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 29, 2016, 12:58:37 AM
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking Jerrica. surely the waiting time will be shorter being a new clinic. 2 years to see the long time gender psychiatrist here is ridiculous. the 1 year for you is too long too. it wouldn't be so bad if endo wasn't being difficult and denying me estrogen until I see them. I've heard she will be doing referrals to endo so that's awesome. Not sure if she has been authorized by the gov't to do referrals for surgery so I will have to wait to find that out. I just hate having to wait to find out. because she is in a different city my doctor wasn't able to locate her in his data base. apparently it only give him local doctors. So, he sent the request off and the office will have to do it. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping to hear something soon. 
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on October 29, 2016, 05:13:00 AM
The system is painfully slow but it's amazing what we achieve while waiting.
The sceptic in me says it's on purpose to kill off the weak. Whether that's true or not though I won't just accept waiting I'm too impatient and too stubborn a woman for that.

Even now I'm giving serious thought to Thailand. One way or another by the end of next year I have to be finished. Will be aiming for asap though. Once GIC finally say "Hello" I'll try to find out what their realistic plans are then make it happen.

Waiting is dangerous stuff. They really should at least do an initial consult with GICs instead of nothing for years. They could even give advice on what to do while waiting etc. I for one could have been lost forever if I didn't get lucky with my meds.

On the plus side per the guidelines here I'll meet all the criteria for surgery in January. Basically 12 months hormones for which they already have copies of all my blood tests and over 12 months RLE with bonus of speech therapy complete, full face, body and genitals hair free, trach done and a massive paper trail more than meets it. Even BMI which isn't a factor will be back under 20. My attire and everything really is as obvious as you can get lucky for me I'm a classic girly girl I guess.

Naturally they'll still need to do psych but anyone that can't diagnose me in 30 seconds or less shouldn't have a license ;)

Really hope the new place works out for you fast and they get you what you need.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 02, 2016, 01:52:01 PM
Hey girls, hope use are all well.
I had been being bombarded with insults from my mother even on Skype, the last she nailed me again, saying how it was " Selfish", I simply hung up, the next day she did say Sorry though, I hope it means maybe something. :/ its been really hard. Even here in my appartement with my brother staying till Christmas, I haven't had the peace to be myself, (this is the brother who doesn't know), honestly though, they see how I am and it should really be no supprise.
On my HRT I'm on way to 4 months, my breast growth is rather good, mostly buds, with some fat starting to form.
Skin is amasing, and my hair to, the corners of my hairline are actually filling in with fine hairs that are starting to darken.
In 19 days I have my next endo appointment, I should be bumped up to full female dose E, and so should my blocker, after my blood work. I hope so anyway.
Other than my mother, I have been so happy, I don't even think about the fact that I'm trans, it litteraly doesn't cross my mind :)
Hoping to notice fat distribution sometime, I think it will happen after my dose goes up.
I just keep looking forward to my changes, christmas time and getting a proper break from work, I know next year will be a tough one, but I will get through it!
I hope you girls are all well, and hope use are keeping postive,
Sometimes things get tough and its hard to keep positive, I wrote this post mostly to just get my thoughts out ther, I kind of feel I needed to!
Anyway,... :3 Ciao Ciao
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 02, 2016, 03:07:16 PM
Hello Christine. So sorry about your mom and having to avoid being yourself around your brother. I totally understand how that is since up until recently I had to pretend to be a guy around my son. Definitely no fun. Really cool to hear about your 4 month changes!  Makes me excited to think of the changes I might see in myself in a few months. I too have an endo appointment in December. I will be curious if my doctor increases my meds too. Always wondering how my T and E numbers are changing. I am sure they will do blood work at my appointment too. Will be interesting to see if the numbers change from last time. Of course, last time they were pretty much in the normal male range. Hopefully that is changing. Feeling really good right now since I am now 100% out and am now legally Jenny. Russ is gone. Woo hoo!  Now I have to work on getting everything changed to my new name. Lots of work. Oh well, good to hear from you. Talk to you soon. Jenny.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 02, 2016, 03:12:11 PM
132 days since starting Spiro and 69 days since starting Estradiol.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 02, 2016, 11:12:30 PM
Hi Christine, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. It always kills me just a little when I hear someone is having problems with a family member. It's a lot to go through and dealing with other peoples issues is just so unfair. we all love you here and are here for you.

Exciting about the changes. With every passing day you have a bit more of the body you were meant to have. I know you are strong, beautiful and that you will make it.

I wore my boots today for the first time in months and they are not as tight as they once were. I'm pretty sure my feet have shrunk even if only slightly. They are not as tight at they were before. Also today, I was cleaning some make up off my face and I'm looking every so intently at myself in the mirror and I thought I look different. was lookng at myself again this evening and I can't describe it but it looks thinner, softer maybe.

not sure how to monitor changes in my face but I heard a suggestion a while ago to trace your hands and feet. At the time I thought "whatever" but now i'm kind of intrigued. I'm going to do it so I can at least compare now to some future date.

My surgery is tomorrow... not really looking forward to it but it'll be nice to be done with it. I'll post an update when i get home. take care girls.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 03, 2016, 12:32:44 AM
Thanks Jenny and Sarah, I know I got yous! :3
Yes Jenny, I wish ther was some kind of monitor we could look at to know if evrything is in the right levels,
i don't mind Estrogen fluctuating abit, but Testosterone has to sit down low, definitly thinking Orchi to certify that.
Its great you are 100% out Jenny, must be nice not having to worry about that anymore.
3 people know about me, My mum a brother and my gf :')
Thats great news to hear Sarah, maybe its weight loss too?
I will hopefully get the same luck,when I get to be me after Christmas again.
Work has calmed down abit now, but you are still never sure of getting out on time, the organisation is just disasterous, this year I spent most of my time on my side as one girl army, its been tough, the boss knows I pulled him out this year, and I will talk to him hopefully this week :3
What is this Surgery Sarah? O: trach?
I hope Tash is alright, haven't heard from her in a while.
Im offt Work :) ciao
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 04, 2016, 12:21:39 AM
My surgery is for kidney stones.  so, disappointingly  nothing to do with transitioning. my weight is pretty much the exact same has been for a long time. after 8 sessions of lipo laser i'm down one pound and my measurement is the same. so much for that.

it's been killing me all day 'cause i basically had to strip down to male mode.... by physical appearances anyway. I gotta find a way to change this body...

Surgery went reasonably well he cleared the blockage and that kidney. unfortunately he wasn't able to find the marble sized stone in the other kidney. he said it must be stuck in the meat of the kidney. it hasn't 'caused me any issues so oh well. I thought it did today though. just made it home and ended up on the floor in agonizing pain. Which I thought was the stone. after going to emergency the doctor said it was the stint the surgeon put in. it doesn't come out till Monday. I really hope the next three days aren't like today. if they are i'm going to kill myself... not seriously but it's been so brutal i could die.

Anyway, I'm exhausted so I'm off to bed. i hope you are all well. 
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 04, 2016, 06:58:46 AM
Oh yes the kiddney stones, that sounds horrible the pain, can't believe he couldn't find it :/
Hopefully you don't have anymore of that pain!
funny you girls are sleeping and Im heading back in to the last half of the day, I think I have to work Saturday and Sunday, probably just half days though :/ nothing is sure!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on November 04, 2016, 12:23:23 PM
Sorry to hear about your mom Christine. We all know how tough family can be. Anyone really..... I am alright, just busy really.... congrats on "your body growing into you".... that is wonderful!!! I can't wait to so the same!!!

I am glad your surgery went well Sarah, I just hope you're not in too terrible much pain till they take out the stint....

Love you ladies!!! Talk soon!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 04, 2016, 01:13:18 PM
Hope you feel better soon Sarah!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 06, 2016, 07:17:58 AM
Hey Christine that's really  horrible about your Mum.  Wish I was closer to give you a real hug. Hope your brother takes it better than your Mum.

I love the view from 5 Finger Death Punch (I know amazing choice for a girly girl) but in the song "Never Enough" it has a great line "I'd rather you hate me for who I really am than have you love me for someone that I'm not". Not usually my type of music but I do love that song and it kinda helped me a lot when I used to wonder about what ifs.

As for trans I consider myself just to be a normal female but with a trans history and I rarely think about that :)

Hormones are seriously awesome everything just works so much better so glad you are starting to feel them working.

Blood tests are fun I love seeing my numbers. It's like you can feel and see results but seeing the 0 T and chasing the 200 E is very satisfying.

Still totally stoked that you finally got to bury and walk away from Russ. So cool when everything is in your own name.

Love the shrinking feet although people say it's impossible but 11 to 7 is hard to argue (think 6 now though my wee boots are really loose when I don't have my thick socks on). I love when impossible things happen.

Totally with you on the orchi hunt Christine once they fix my throat that's next.

Glad the kidney surgery went well but that stint sounds really painful.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 06, 2016, 07:22:17 AM
Time moving ridiculously fast and slow at the same time. Kinda like wow it's November already and at the same time next week feels like forever away.

Good and bad thing about being busy I guess.

Randomness genital electrolysis not that bad and my nervous system seems to have finished developing so no more extra ow for stuff.

Getting fixated on next year. Going to make it happen one way or another I'll be finished next year.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 06, 2016, 08:18:04 AM
Great to hear of your progress. 0T? Really?  Wow!  That's awesome!  I have an appointment in December with my endocrinologist so I hope to get a view at my numbers too. Yes, it is really cool seeing Russ disappear from all my accounts, drivers license, etc. My mom still isn't getting the idea down though. My son and I were at their house sitting with my dad while mom went shopping. Dad has dementia and recently took a big fall and cut and bruised his face up real bad. Poor guy. He looked like a cross between Rocky and Frankenstein. Anyway, Mom is still calling me Russ quite a bit. It made me feel weird but I didn't push it. I figure she will get the idea in time. At least we are getting along for now. Yes, I too wish you all were close by so I could give you all big hugs!

Sarah, I hope you are starting to feel better. Been thinking of you lots. My son (CJ) has his scoliosis surgery on Tuesday. He is getting a big metal rod put into his spine to keep his spine straight. Right now, it has a pretty severe curvature to it. Makes him walk somewhat crooked. They say he will recover quickly in a few weeks.

Just woke up so I need to get in the shower and get ready. CJ is here with me this weekend. I think I am going to take him to the new Dr. Strange movie today. We enjoy doing fun stuff together. I really feel he and I have a better relationship than we did before I came out and left the house. He's a great kid.

Talk to you all later!  Love you all!

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 06, 2016, 01:34:56 PM
In fairness my preHRT T level was only 10.4 nmol/L (normal range 10-36). Lucky I knew who I was or they would probably have tried to top me up with T ewwww. Tests annoyingly don't actually say zero tbh the lowest they report is under 0.5 but that'll do. The results in my head tell me enough now that crap is no longer messing me up.

Your son's condition sounds sore but promising.

The dementia with your Dad could be an ongoing problem if he loses the ability to learn. Hopefully your Mum sorts herself out quick though a talk about continuity might help if your son is ever visiting her as obviously you can't let her deadname you in front of him. If she cares about you or her grandson she'll do it.

Movies always good I'm just making dinner in my jammies then settling down with the family for Buffyfest :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 06, 2016, 01:37:00 PM
It might be bad advice but be careful about letting you Mum deadname you often or she'll think it's ok and have a harder time correcting herself later.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 06, 2016, 09:12:34 PM
Good point.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 08, 2016, 01:04:43 AM
Hey girls,
    got the stint out today.... still having some muscle spams which are incredibly painful but the meds help with that.  ;D  I'm at least feeling better and my body seems much happier. Got a follow up appointment next month to see how thing are and see what I can do to prevent it from happening again.

Jenny my thoughts will be with you and your son today. I'm hoping he make a good, speedy recovery.

take care girls.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 08, 2016, 01:59:08 AM
Glad the stint it out and you're feeling better.

Hope all goes well with CJ.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 09, 2016, 08:10:46 AM
So good to hear you are doing better. Hopefully the pain lessens soon.

CJ is doing well. He is resting.  They are hoping he can start getting out of bed today and by the end of the week walking and using stairs. Once he can do that he can go home. Probably will be out of school for 2 to 4 weeks though.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 10, 2016, 08:11:10 PM
Hey gals. New plan orchi is off the table and I'm going to make Thailand happen.

Not much of a plan yet but I'm going to try for Chettawut and put a deposit down asap. Too sleepy but I'll play with my numbers tomorrow to work something out.

After that the real work begins.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 10, 2016, 09:36:48 PM
Awesome!  Good luck!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 11, 2016, 02:44:35 PM
Thats great news Jerrica, I hope you can pull it off! :) it will be expensive!
And Jenny, I hope for your son a real speedy recovery, I have heard of this condition before, I had a friend in Ireland have it, and they fixed it! Its scary stuff mind.
Hopefully everyone keeps feeling better and better, you too Sarah!
My mad work hours still continue sort if, got out at half 8 tonight, and have to work Saturday morning >__<
I wonder wher my T levels are at as I still feel relatively strong, like I have powered through same as every year. Maybe its mental strength though :') 10 days till my endo, and I'm almost 4 months too, gteatest change I have had is my hairline, I just find it amasing, and so exciting, those corners I used to have are just fading away!
I just hope it continues and increases when I get increased!
Oooohh also spot a stunning bag In town and I really want it, its dark grean suede fabric, its really stunning, I will see if I pick it up tomoro. After work of course :@
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 11, 2016, 06:06:57 PM
Loving the sound of your hair stuff and that bag. Strength should be safe enough as the T drop should only make it harder to gain new muscle and not directly reduce whatever you had so if you keep it active you'll stay strong.

To reduce what little I had I just kinda stopped using them and never let them amp up to full power. Gradually they changed so my max power was based on the max strength used.

For me though my strength usually felt a bit demony so letting go of a strength that wasn't mine actually felt really good. I'm lucky though in that I don't need strength in my life. For heavy lifting I'm ok with playing the damsel in distress and letting a big strong gentleman assist. That said I am planning to be supergirl with marathons, triathlons etc some day.

Thailand I'm so excited but I'm expecting him to be just as booked solid as Suporn but if he's got a slot I'll take it and make it work. Still to properly cost it but reckon with £7.5k for surgery even if I allow the same again for costs then £15k sounds reasonable as a bottom line. Planning to take out a loan. If I'm refused I have a business thing I can cash in. Either way the money will be the easy part given a couple of months (then years to repay ofc). Time off work I'll be taking with or without their blessing and my SO can handle the family while I'm away so I guess time is ok too.

That just leaves booking stuff and can't do that until Chet gets back to me. I don't even have anything for deposit yet but know I'll get it to him within 24h (yup I'm that determined).

You know that feeling when you say "I wish I did this 6 months ago" Yeah I'm feeling that a lot now plan B has become plan A.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 13, 2016, 01:11:27 AM
Hi girls,
   lots of things going on with you all good to hear the updates. too bad you're still working so much christine hopefully it lets up some more. how are things with your mum?

Jenny what I was told from parents of trans kids is it takes some time for them to adjust. I wouldn't harp on your mum too much just yet. although I understand it's hard. It kills me every time I see or hear my old name. Thankfully it's getting to be a lot less. it's a big change for them as it is for us.  I gave my mum lots of time to adjust.. but we also usually use nick names for each other so I also don't hear my name that often. Now that she has called me Sarah, even if only once, I don't let it slide anymore. if she calls me Marcus I promptly tell her that isn't my name and she apologizes. I can't wait to for my voice training to start and the estrogen. I thinks it's hard for her to call me Sarah when she still sees and hears her boy. So I think with changes to my voice and and face it will be easier for her... at least I hope it is.

I think I mentioned I ended up with a referral to a regular psychiatrist who I was supposed to see in December. I was hoping he would at least be able to help me with the hormones. He called me this past week and asked if I could come in that day as he had a cancellation. I said yes and went to see him. he told me he has a couple other trans patients and he tried referring them for hormones. The response he got was that he wasn't qualified and they would only accept referrals from the gender specialists. So it looks like he can't help me with that. At the end he said "you're not depressed and your anxiety level is low I don't even want to prescribe you anything" So not much help on my journey.

No more problem or pain from the kidneys so that's good. Still having a really hard time getting enough sleep so I have been so tired all week. take care girls
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 13, 2016, 01:23:15 AM
Oh Jerrica I forgot to mention I know someone that is going to Thailand this December for breast augmentation trach shave and her bottom surgery. I think she is seeing chet. if you have any questions I can ask her for you
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 13, 2016, 05:31:27 AM
Ok I've got my heart rate back under control for a moment but if I can bend the rest of the universe to my will I can get February 2017!!!!!!!! Can I get an "OMG!!!!" yes I can "OH MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!!". February holy crap that is way better than anything I could have imagined.

I'm so freaking out with excitement it's unbelievable. Will be at my Mum's for "wine time" so me, my mum & my sis will have the chance to reality check me and my plans. They kinda got scared when I first mentioned Thailand last week but that was due to lack of information. Saw my sis since in passing so she's been reassured. Both will be solidly onside by dinner time. SO & DD both with me already which is great.

I know I can make this work and timing is perfect by my next birthday (April) I'll be all me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 13, 2016, 06:28:42 AM
Cool thanks Sarah :)

Sorry I was so deliriously happy on that last post I totally forgot to say thank you.

I've got millions of research to do in preparation for Thailand and have marked a few posts here on Susans to read and reread loads about the experience not just of the surgery but the stay too.

118 days to go but who's counting ♡
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 13, 2016, 01:44:37 PM
Sis defo on side. My mum will back me in so far as it's what I need to do but seeks reassurance about Thailand. She has a good medical mind and will do her research on the net about it fairly. I'm confident she will arrive at the same conclusions as me in the end as her honest blessing for Thailand would be appreciated.

Unfortunately I think it also kinda hammers home the last nail in "his" coffin which I think unsettles her a bit but she did say the best thing ever in that she likes me more.

Interesting I asked about switching and stuff when I was younger and yeah I was a total Jeckyll & Hyde apparently.

Also offered financial help but I really don't want to burden her if I can avoid it.

The gods seem to be in a good mood though as when I logged into my bank it offered me a £4k overdraft within 48 hours. That should be a decent start at least enough to cover the deposit.

After that I've got 3 months to get the rest.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 13, 2016, 11:42:50 PM
That sounds great Jerrica. Sooooo exciting everything seems to be coming together for you. best of luck to you
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 14, 2016, 05:31:59 AM
You are deffinitly right about it being a big change Sarah, I have taken it very slow with my mother.
I told my other brother yesterday night about me, the one working withme here. He was nothing but good about it. I was so amased, hopefully dad and the last brother will be fine. But those two are difficult.
I will see what happens when I am home.
I got the bag too, I will get a pic up hopefully someday soon!
Hopefully work calms, its been going mad for so long now, I am tiered and need a break, I hope I get Saturday and Sunday off!
I am so happy with everything, and I just hit 4 months, and I may be getting increased next Monday
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 14, 2016, 05:39:31 AM
Gratz on 4 months and fingers crossed for the increase.

So so happy that your brother is with you especially when working together. I love good news :)

Yay - Work cleared me for a month off. Now I just need money lots of money lol.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 14, 2016, 05:50:22 AM
Wow Jerrica, you are moving along so fast,
If i build up the money for SRS I know I would spend it on a GTR, my damn addictions
I couldn't believe it, two brothers know, and I neither had anything negative to say.
Oh, almost forgot, I have my first lasser session on Friday! X3
Yay
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 14, 2016, 06:30:53 AM
And the good news keeps coming. So happy for your Christine  ;D

I'll need to admit ignorance on GTR though. Most I get from google is a car or guided tissue regeneration.

For the moment I've decided I can kinda kill 2 birds with 1 stone by getting SRS.
Faster than even getting an orchi appointment I'm just kinda kicking myself I didn't give it serious consideration earlier but the 12 months HRT & RLE is still useful for justifying the psych stuff I guess.

Planning to get an appraisal for FFS from Chet after it's all done as I'm curious what he would suggest.
Hey maybe BA & FFS in 2018 if needed (hopefully not though).

Just really need to get this deposit paid to set my date in stone.

Who knows maybe y'all win the lottery and join me in February  ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 15, 2016, 01:33:49 AM
Hi girls,
   I'm sooo tired I don't know what it is but since my surgery no matter how much sleep I get I'm still sooo tired. doesnt help that i havent gotten much sleep in a while. I didn't mention before that  the Psychiatrist I saw last week prescribed me something to help me sleep. Something more powerful then the sleeping pills I already have. I'm thinking of taking a meditation class or something to learn how to relax. "cause if this keeps up it's going to be the death of me.

So I went to one of the monthly support groups I go to tonight. Biggest group I've been to I think. with the weather getting colder and the days getting shorter I imagine they will continue to be like this all winter. So the first part of the meeting is a big group discussion. Then we split up into masucline identifying, feminine identifying and non binary groups. First thing which I was really flatter by was the guy that runs the Pride Center where the meeting is held  asked me and another girl to sort of run our group. well the pride center employees present ran the other two groups. The other girl had surgery at the Yeson voice clinic in Korea a few months ago so she couldn't really say a lot. Which just sort of left me. I think I did all right we talked the hour away about Trans related or relevant things.

Then after the meeting Mickey, that runs the pride center, said to me I'd really like you to do this.... and he was lifting his hand  with a information card in it. I just looked down at it and read the word mentoring... and said I'm in I'll do that. We talked about it a little bit and it's mentoring kids. I love the idea. I can't wait to get started. Which was the 2nd thing I was flattered by tonight. That he thought it was something i should do.

Last little thing before I go and get some sleep. It seems like forever ago now but it's literally been a month since I posted about my "crush." Nothing really happened so I didn't post anything new and there's not really anything new now except I did see her tongiht. other then during the group discussion we didn't talk to each other though. I basically snubbed her really.  When I like somebody if  she likes me too I expect her to meet me halfway.. I tried to get in touch with her.. and she didn't get back to me. So, whatever there will be another girl that catches my fancy.. there always is! hehehehe Goodnight girls I hope you all are doing good.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on November 15, 2016, 01:37:46 AM
We'll Yay!!! Congrats on moving into a mentoring state of mind!!! It really is awesome to see you've come this far!!! Good luck with the meds thing lady.... talk soon.... G'night!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 15, 2016, 02:34:59 AM
So glad to hear things are pickup up but shame about the tiredness etc.

Big yay you for snubbing excrush. Funnily I expected to feel crushed when my obvious advances were ignored but instead felt liberated so hope you had a similar result.

The mentoring sounds so good with the chance to help others especially kids.

So glad Tash still alive too. Got to admit I worry when this thread goes quiet.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 15, 2016, 04:42:08 PM
Good for you Sarah!  Hope you get over being so tired.

Jerrica, good luck on all your new goals!  I hope it all works out for you.

Not much going on here. As you might have seen on FB, I facilitated one our support groups last Saturday.  Went pretty well and also a pretty good turnout. Been working hard getting all my stuff updated with my new name. So much stuff to do.

Good to hear from you too Tasha. Of course I have seen your FB posts so I knew you were still around.

Talk to you girls later.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 17, 2016, 06:28:34 PM
I think it's great that yous are involved with the support group stuff just shows again how far yous have come to be helping others.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 17, 2016, 06:29:24 PM
Oh and thanks Jenny I'll need all the luck I can get ;)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 17, 2016, 09:06:46 PM
Thanks Jerrica. So excited for you!  Can't wait to hear more!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 17, 2016, 11:40:46 PM
Hey girls,
   Jerrica it's so exciting to hear things coming together for you to go to Thailand. I'm sure everything will work out for you.  ;D

  Jenny, Sounds like things are moving along good for you too. Happy to hear you helping others with the support group.

I know Tasha has been working a lot I hope she gets a break soon. Same with Christine.

You may have saw on FB I saw the family doctor yesterday who has been helping girls get started with HRT. In my eagerness I initially booked another appointment for today but had to change it to tomorrow as I had scheduled a tv and internet installation for today. after all this time one more day isn't going to kill me. I will have to see him 1 maybe 2 more time after tomorrow before I get my prescription but at least it's getting close enough for me to see it.

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Annarko on November 17, 2016, 11:42:31 PM
 :icon_birthday:
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 18, 2016, 03:21:16 AM
Great news for the doc Sarah. So glad you'll be finally getting your hormones.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 18, 2016, 09:40:55 AM
Thats so great Sarah, you will feel so much better in yourself after you start! :) especially since you are on a blocker
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 18, 2016, 02:35:51 PM
Hey, I'm back from the lasser, it was just a test, -___- i have a proper one booke for Friday two weeks time.
The test patch hasn't even redened, which is pretty nice, felt like very faint electric shock, but had no worries pain wise, and it looks like my skin has barely noticed it, i shoukd be finished in 5-10 sessions she says :3
So exciting!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 18, 2016, 02:48:52 PM
All sounds great especially if it ends up nearer 5 than 10. Laser is fun :) 

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 18, 2016, 03:18:48 PM
That's great Christine!  I have had 6 laser sessions so far but I still have to shave as much as I ever have. My laser tech said there were bald spots but it is hard for me to tell. I hope I start to see results soon. Technically, only the last two sessions really count though since the first four were at a different place and I wasn't really happy with them. The new lady does both the yag and the IPL laser. The old place only did the yag. I have a feeling the combination of the two is the key to success. We will see though. Only time will tell. My next session is this coming Wednesday. It will be so nice when I don't have to worry about that stupid five o'clock shadow!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 18, 2016, 09:44:04 PM
hi girls, thanks for the birthday wishes Annarko a little early yet... my birthday is still another 3 months away  ;D this is just the post that will not go away. hehehehe

exciting about the laser Christine. I know what you mean Jenny.. when I was doing electrolysis it took forever for me to really see the difference. You will get there so don't worry too much.

had my doctors appointment today and it went well. My whole life history of gender identity and gender expression in 30 minutes or less. hahaha I actually think we talked for closer to an hour. my next appointment is Wed this will just a be a standard physical to make sure everything is good. Then another appointment after that to go over the test results and the risks of hormones. Then hopefully I will walk out of that appointment with a prescription for estradiol.  ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 18, 2016, 09:57:28 PM
Love the 30 mins or less version. Anyone that can't read us that fast should consider a different line of work ;)

So looking forward to hearing about your experiences with E.

Not long to go


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 18, 2016, 10:04:08 PM
yes it is just around the bend I'm not sure he might have the results to see him on Friday. it'll depend exactly what tests he orders. other wise it will be the following wed as it seem he is only there Wed - Fri
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on November 18, 2016, 10:23:57 PM
Yay Sarah!!! Glad you are doing so well!!! I really wish I could afford to start hair removal!!! Oh well.... someday....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 18, 2016, 11:00:20 PM
Awesome Sarah!  Good luck!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 19, 2016, 12:24:55 AM
Its odd that you haven't noticed it starting to deminish Jenny, maybe the first four sessions really wher duds. Mines better work, cost me 450 a pop :/
Its great new dor you Sarah,and its funny about how long you wher in talking to the therapist, I was the same, once I started talking I couldn't stop, it was actually fun! :')
So far I have talked to two of my brothers and my mother, both have been really cool. The second brother though the one after me, said that it will be weird in the future, it will be as if you died, I always find it so odd hearing this cliche old line. I really don't get it, ha. Healso said though he always knew he was the big brother. I'm the oldest but they are all taller and heavyer built than me, i Have small feet and hands, I have a waist, and I do have some hips,.... it really makes me wonder, I do have strong shoulders, but so would any girl working as hard as me.
I would love to get test for maybe some sort of androgen insensitivity or something.I either got really lucky, or after praying every night for 20 something years maybe he did listen abit and helped me out atleast a little.
Maybe its our own will power, I have always thought of myself as a girl and so i developed like a girl, I dunno.
I wishI was intersex or something, I know my mom would be better then, if its something she can physical see and hear from a doctor, she would treat me different. I miss my mom, as I live abroad I used to Skype home everynight, now since I came out she weirds me out and I don't call near as often! :/
I wish my voice was better, for me if my voice was better I would be able to go out more as me and gain confidence and relax abit more!
Anyway I have rambled on long enough.
I will leave you be girls! Ciao Ciao :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 19, 2016, 09:12:36 AM
Yea, I don't like the You're dead thing either. My mom once said she will have to mourn the loss of Russ. I said ok but eventually thought that I didn't buy that. I am right here. I still have the same personality, still a computer geek, etc.

Yea I hope I see more results from the laser soon too. So frustrating. I know what you mean by the voice but you are right. You are lucky in regards to your size. I wish I was about a foot shorter and had smaller feet and I also hate my voice. I get clocked on the phone all the time.

Sorry about your mom and the skype. I know that's gotta be difficult for you.

Talk to you later.  :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 19, 2016, 09:27:24 AM
Personally I like that he's dead so I am seen as just me (which I am now) but my own situation was a wee bit different with the split and all.

For those that have lived and evolved normally as 1 person I could see it as the butterfly mourning the caterpillar. The kids have the best approach with the Pokémon evolution gig so you're excited and happy with what you've got instead of mourning the loss of the weaker one.

Grown ups really could learn a lot from kids.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 20, 2016, 04:02:30 PM
Got my Mum's support for Thailand today which is great. She's been simply amazing with everything but was worried about me flying halfway around the world for surgery. She also got quite a fright with the "victims site" but that's understandable as I almost fell for it too at first glance.

Just a heads up I've not discussed aftercare with anyone so they know nothing about dilation etc. As far as they know once I get back to UK I'm finished/complete. Anything.... physically intimate shall we say will defo only be on Susan's with FB being more for reassurance back home. Not that they couldn't handle it but it's a very personal thing and I'm not ready to discuss what will be going in my vagina or when once I've got it. I am still growing up though and my relationship with both is getting deeper so I might change my mind later.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on November 20, 2016, 04:04:28 PM
I am happy for you Jerrica!!! Must be VERY exciting!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 20, 2016, 10:49:39 PM
Fantastic Jerrica!  That's awesome!  I have a couple of friends who have gone through the surgery if you would like me to ask them to come here to Susan's to help you understand after procedures and issues. Let me know and I can ask them. I generally see at least one of them on out Tuesday group at the GIC here.   Really happy for you!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 21, 2016, 01:57:41 AM
It's great having them in my inner circle. I'm very lucky ♡

A good offer Jenny but from the net so far it's covered.

Got links for guides and a vlog on my preparation thread  giving a really detailed day by day feel for things.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 21, 2016, 02:45:15 AM
That's great Jerrica. The more support you have the better I think. yeah the negative stuff can be hard to get past but soo much of it is based on shady doctors. you're going to a well known doctor so it should be good. I was right the girl I know here is going to Chet as well. but there won't be much time between when she gets back and you're planning to go so I'm not sure if I will be able to share any of her experiences with you.

So, I've pretty much decided to go to Mexico for my plastic surgery. not including vaginoplasty. Just for my nose, boobs and hips. however, I heard of a new implant called Ideal Implants which are saline filled but have a more natural feel then other saline filled implants. I really like these implants so far but, currently, you can only get them in the U.S and Canada. There is one surgeon where I live that does them. So now I'm considering what to do. it'll be a year or more before anything done so there's no hurry but a girl can still dream. and of course research and plan what she's going to do. take care girls.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 21, 2016, 07:51:42 AM
I love being able to share my deeper thoughts with my Mum, Sis & DD and think my little circle will grow once I add my 2 other sisters (if interested ofc). All friends and family are welcome to share in my "normal" life but trans stuff is my own personal "flaw" (to me) that I hide from all but my closest of confidantes.

Always good to hear of more Chet girls. Bit like the rule for a first date "Take him/her to a busy restaurant. If it's busy the food must be good!".

Got tons of info so far mostly from here on Susan's as it feels more personal for it being other people here instead of complete randoms.

I'm honestly dreading having T back in my system even if only for a couple of weeks but after watching Carrie's vids I'm confident I'll get through it. Getting rid of the T threat forever, getting my all important anatomically correct genitalia and the lure of accelerated development after makes it so full of positives I'm totally psyched up for it.

Mexico sounds fun for other surgeries but I'm going to put the scalpel on ice for a bit after Feb but will be asking Chet for his thoughts regarding any additional work he would recommend on my face.

For breasts I'll be waiting at least to the 2 year mark to see what mother nature has in store for me. A wee bit of padding in the bra will do for now.

Dreams are fun. Never stop dreaming :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 21, 2016, 11:32:11 PM
Yes Jerrica, that extra development, thats what I am after too.
I had my check up yesterday with my endo, had bloods taken and everything.
She was so happy for me, she could see I was glowing, I just let her know of all the changes, she was so excited too, she is so lovely, she straight away remarked that I wasn't dressed femme though, she was probably hoping I would be!
Maybe next time I will have the confidence, she would love that! :')
Even the blood girl just talked and talked away!,
I was bouncing when I came out of ther, even my weight is down to 66kg
She will contact me soon with results and possible new doseage! :3
Hope you girls are all good!! I'm off to work!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 22, 2016, 04:46:48 AM
So jealous down to 66kg well done you. I've been eating like a bear preparing for hibernation so defo not weighing for a bit lol.

Getting all dolled up for going out will happen naturally it's that double edged way if your comfy then great and it's you but if not then you might feel like you're trading one costume for another which would be horrible.

Even knowing what I did in January I'd never have expected me to sitting here right now with skirt, boots, lippy, nails etc. Just kinda do things when I get the impulse.

When you're ready you'll know. A bit clichéd but true.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 22, 2016, 08:10:36 PM
Sounds like you got a good Endo Christine. that's awesome. Like Jerrica I'm jealous you're at 66 KG it seems like no matter what I do I'm stuck at 77KG. I would like to be around 68 - 70 KG. But I long ago stop worrying about my weight and focused on my appearance. I really only have to lose the belly fat and I will be happy. it's just stubborn as hell.

When I first started going out in public I would wear a female top and my breast forms and go to a movie. it was winter time so i had a winter Jacket on until I was in my seat. In the theater nobody paid that much attention to me. I got more comfortable over time until I was always Sarah in public. I read, probably on this site, that transitioning is a marathon not a sprint. You will get there.

I have my next doctor appointment tomorrow and then I will be out of town for a week. My Dad and step mum are moving and I'm going to help them. I will be book another appointment for when I get back and hopefully start estrogen then.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D i will try and check in but if i'm not able to I hope you girls have a great week!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 22, 2016, 11:30:02 PM
Aw she is really nice, even really pretty too, shes Italian.
Shes so interested in it all
I don't really look like I have lost much weight, but she says it'll be muscle loss, I can't wait to tone up properly now next year when the weather gets warmer! Dat belly is always hard to shift!
Yea easing it in like that would be a good idea, I rarely get the chance, if my voice was good id be not so bad, if you can talk back female voiced that would throw them completly.
Aw thatll be fun, out of town for a moving!
I hope you get on soon! Its so exciting, the changes are slow but worth it!
I just can't wait for the new year, I should be out to everyone by the end of it!
Enjoy yourselves whatever your doing girls! :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 23, 2016, 05:17:01 AM
Fingers crossed for your estrogen Sarah hope the week goes quickly for you.

Pretty sure your voice will happen soon enough Christine. It's amazing how much of talking is done subconsciously. I used to talk differently to different people depending on their relationship with me. Kids, strangers and particularly other women my voice was a lot more me but when dealing with people who knew me prior my voice was held back a bit.

Probably a confidence thing but a lot seems to come down to self perception first then allowing others to read it from you. My voice is trashed right now but I broadcast female loud and clear with zero doubts or worries which I think might be why I seem to be read correctly everywhere.

Tough to put down a mask you've worn forever even when you know you want to smash it to pieces.

Like Sarah says extending your comfort zone takes time but it's down to you to choose what and when.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 23, 2016, 05:53:55 PM
Hey girls just got home after seeing the doctor. Physical went well. I've had so many test this year there isn't much he  needs to check.  ;D But I do have a few things to check and to get my hormone levels. I had my doctor test my Testosterone a few weeks ago but didn't find out what it was at. Today I was told that before blockers I was at 22 when it was tested a few weeks ago it was at 16. which is down but i still find it a little disappointing. if everything is good from the blood work then I will get my hormones when I see him next week.  ;D ;D ;D ;D

i don't recall if i mentioned a little while back that I looked into joining the navy reserves here. well, I sent them an email on sept. 28 and didn't hear anything back. I got a response from them today. I was kind of surprised but I was super excited about it. I still have a lot more to do to actually apply but I find it super exciting.

My Friends have expressed some concern about it but I have done some research on it. there are currently over 100 Trans people in the Canadian armed forces. The have a policy about it and are currently updating it to include some guidelines to help CO's know what to do to accommodate trans people. It appears that it's a little hit and miss depending on the people you're serving with. So, if I do get accepted hopefully I'm with some great people and have a good experience. I'll be leaving shortly take care girls. muah love you all.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 24, 2016, 04:48:51 AM
At least 22 to 16 is still progress and I'm sure they'll now increase your blocker to compensate.
I imagine the endo process being a very slow and conservative system with gradual increases to things until they get them right. With any system though better to have a slow system than no system so they'll get there in the end but it might take a while.

Navy reserves sounds both fun and scary. People and obstacle courses so long as it's a nice day sounds fun for sure but I'm not very good at doing what I'm told unless asked nicely. I don't really see army people doing much beyond barking orders movie style "Line up maggots!!!" etc instead of "Ok ladies get into line please." lol

Canada seems to be a nice place to be as even though the world seems to joke at Canadians being "too nice and polite" I think if that's the best people can do as a weakness then Canada must be a great place to live.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 24, 2016, 05:26:18 AM
Random news I have a new friend who didn't know of my "history" and is absolutely lovely in every possible way. Purely as a friend ofc not a romantic interest (different world sure, after all she's amazing, but not in this one) but it's like having my own personal sun as she's just so full of positive energy; the type of friend that makes you feel great just by being there.

Anyhoo I basically outed myself directly during tea as I was going nuts hoping she didn't know but wondering if she did in the back of my mind and I picked up a couple of breadcrumbs that made me think she knows now (possibly via FB as I friended her last night). So I asked her how long she knew and she said knew what? and I just came straight out with it "that I used to be a guy" annnnnnnd..... she said "I didn't until now" so I was majorly kicking myself but suppose it would have been inevitable as eventually the parentage of my kids or something would have come up as she is very open with me and I am with her. Going back over the breadcrumbs I realise now it was a question of sexuality as she knows I live with a woman and "we" had kids so I was pretty upset with myself for a couple of minutes.

Moving swiftly along though to reaction it didn't phase her at all as she reminded me she doesn't care about my past  (we had previously both alluded to bad pasts during our last tea) she just knows me as Jerrica and that I'm her friend and that's all she needs to know. After that she fixed my upsettedness with a hug. I know she wont discuss it with anyone so I didn't ask and admittedly I like that I don't have any secrets from her now. It's amazing how much I can trust her just out of nowhere she is truly a remarkable woman and I'm so lucky to have her as my friend.

Lesson for me for the future though to consider a curiosity about my sexuality before jumping straight to "OMG she know's I was a guy!!". Live and learn I guess and she is no less amazing than before but it does leave me personally feeling a bit less as before I was 100% female now I'm 99.9999999999%.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 24, 2016, 05:57:33 AM
Sorry for 3 posts in a row but this deserves it's own post.

I wanted to say sorry to Jenny as I've unfriended you on FB due to my own trans-shame issues and desire for a "normal" life. I thought I had managed to keep you secret but FB kept flagging you to people as "people you may know" with the 1 mutual friend being me. It was the only remaining trans flag in my life which gave me a total heart attack when I found out especially when I considered my new friend would see it. With my world gradually getting a bit bigger I just can't handle the risk of being tagged like that and I'm sorry that I'm that weak but as you know I'm a lot of things but at least I'm honest.

Not even sure if you'll have noticed as you do have a lot of friends but I felt you should have a proper explanation as you deserve better than a stealthy unfriend.

I do feel bad about it as I genuinely think it's great that you're so confident and being so open doing what you do in so far as it's the right thing for you and that you are happy but it's something I cannot nor desire to do.

Christine, Tasha & Sarah are all privacied up to the hilt (like mine) so even if someone does get nosey they'll see nothing that can harm me and that's the way I see it; my trans history is a weapon. Whether it's ever used or not doesn't matter as it gives people power over me and makes me feel like others will see me as being less me.

It's shallow and horrible etc but my trans history is very traumatic to me. It cost me half of my life before I got to be alive and another year or 2 to go before I consider myself fully recovered so I'm more than happy to bury it in an unmarked grave and walk away without looking back.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 24, 2016, 08:37:25 AM
Jerrica, I had not noticed you I un-friended me. I must admit I feel a bit sad that I was the only one you had to do that to but I do understand. I was a bit surprised to see you on FB in the first place. As long as I can continue to be your friend here, that is good by me. But did I do something wrong?  I am a bit confused. Don't let it worry you though. I am not upset. Just sad that I can't see your wonderful pics anymore. Maybe things can change down the road.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 24, 2016, 09:35:40 AM
Nothing you did wrong at all as I'd never change you and I am truly sorry as I would avoid hurting you if I could.

Unfortunately FB is too clever for its own good. If you try looking at my profile now you'll see there's nothing there apart from historical profile pics which are all very generic and "nontrans" related. So to the outside world I'm just that. I'm another unremarkable nobody and I need that. In the flesh I am equally unremarkable and be passed by or interacted with as any other woman.

From inside though friends can nose about my other friends even if they can't see them directly as people can click on likes to see profiles from regular curiosity which is pretty rare unless bored.

FB however decides to offer up hidden (privacy set so friends can only see mutual friends) friends for other people as "people you may know" despite having no link between us except the FB friendship which is supposed to be private and only visible to mutual friends which is pretty ridiculous that they could possibly know you being different country etc. It's a horrible flaw as they offer you promise of privacy then blatantly publicise your private information.

The others have their privacy locked down in a similar fashion to mine so even though my FB friends can find them there is nothing to see if someone does follow the breadcrumbs.

Like I say I'm glad you are you and happy but you are able to handle things that I simply can't.

I can't handle the concept of "being" trans and I do tackle it within myself and I can't stress strongly enough ONLY myself as a birth defect that once fixed I'll never admit to anyone that it ever happened.

As I'd never tell and nobody should be able to tell without a DNA test nobody would have any reason to suspect I was trans..... unless I was publicly friends with some halfway around the world that was openly (and rightly so) trans. It would only be natural to see the pic complete with banner and 1 mutual friend being me which then makes a connection between me and transexuality that I just can't have.

There are then possibilities which again natural curiosity would lead to "How do you know....?". Sure I could lie and weave a web of deception but I don't lie if I can avoid it.

So how do I avoid answering the question?
By preventing the question ever being asked.

I am full of contradictions I judge myself by impossible standards which I only hold me to because I am me. The rest of the world is allowed to be anything they want with no questions asked but I am driven to my own impossible view of perfection.

Part of that is the appearance of a "normal" life without the slightest hint to the contrary which for now at least means no public trans links.

It's also how I killed my first FB as it had plenty trans stuff like transition stuff which would be kept from all but my innermost circle. So when it came time to finally be just regular everyday boring me I had firmly decided "no trans stuff" on this one. I still wanted you in but not visible to others and thought I had solved it with the privacy settings but apparently not.

Think I'll be switching my personal bits from FB to WhatsApp as I don't trust FB with my secrets any more but need to think a bit more about it first.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 24, 2016, 10:15:27 AM
Don't feel bad, Jerrica.  I am honored to have you as a friend no matter where it may be.  I am actually very envious of you.  The fact that you can act in stealth is so cool.  There is no way I can begin to do that.  One look at me and everyone knows what I am doing.  I guess that's why I decided to be so open about my transition.  If I can't hide it, might as well tell the world, right?

Anyway, be happy and be yourself.  That's the most important thing in life.

Love always, Jenny.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 24, 2016, 11:25:25 AM
Glad I've still got you here too ♡

Had to laugh at myself there as I read stealth and thought "I'm not stealth I just don't tell people about my history" then had a total "Ohhhh" moment when it clicked. I couldn't lay claim to true stealth though as people exist who know my past but as it never comes up I guess I kinda am.

Sounds a bit sneaky and duplicitous stealth though like you are hiding something. For now I suppose that's kinda true (who the heck would look for THAT though) but that something is being fixed soon then nothing to hide any more.

As for yourself time will tell. I'm no looker by any stretch of the imagination unlike some here on Susans who are outright gorgeous but I might make it as far as pretty some day if I'm very lucky/good.

As for envious I wouldn't be so sure. In some ways I am lucky in so far as my mind and body have recovered spectacularly well since I got back with my face and body being rewritten (maybe 10 years younger now if I'm being generous to myself) which is great for recent history but there was massive price.

For better or worse you all got to live with your mind intact. In pain at times but intact. I still sometimes try to get into past memories and draw nothing. Family have lived, died and even started families of their own. Even their children ,that I don't remember, now have children (I'm a great aunt who doesn't even know the nephew who's child I am the great aunt of) and I know none of them beyond those who existed before about 1988 with the feelings towards them preserved. Everyone has gotten so old I expect to see them almost 30 years younger but when I do I am reminded just how much time has passed. I have to accept I have skipped those years but my body will have aged too just like theirs.

It's a staggering loss but maybe I am lucky. Maybe it's fitting he died so completely for me to come back. I could lament the fact he ever existed... if he wasn't the father of my children.

Wow that went from laugh to deep pretty quickly.

Moving onwards though I'm just a regular girl with a wee bit of memory trouble and I can totally live with that.

Who knows maybe I'll get my memories back some day and find out I'm an assassin like amnesia chick in "The Long Kiss Goodnight" ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 24, 2016, 10:37:46 PM
I have memory issues too. I suppressed most if not all emotion for the last 30 years. My sister claims I used to play dolls with her and we would take baths together. I don remember the dolls at all. I only remember the baths because I think I have seen pictures of when we were little. There are also many people in my past life I don't remember at all. I remember at a previous job, a co-worker came up to me and said we were pals when we were kids. I had no clue who he was.  Back then I had no idea I should have been a girl and did all the macho things like served in the military, grew a full beard, etc. It's only recently I have realized who I really am and it has completed my life like something was missing. Pretty amazing really.

Anyway, I am glad we can continue to talk here. FB is over rated anyway.  ;)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 25, 2016, 03:25:40 AM
Defo don't envy the emotional suppression thing as that sounds really horrible. I don't think I'd have the strength to do that.

Ah well we bury the past and we move on. Our futures are ours to enjoy as best we can.

On to merrier news it's Friday!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 27, 2016, 02:14:16 PM
Hey girls, got back home yesterday and went out for my friends b-day. had sooo much fun. there are a couple pics on FB I had planned on taking a bunch of pictures but well, it just didn't happen. I've never been a big drinker and haven't had more then a drink in years.. but with the risks associated with drinking and estradiol I figure I may not take any chances in the future. So I had a few drinks last night.  ;D with my lack of drinking it didn't take much. I guess as they say I'm a cheap drunk. nobody tried to take advantage of me though. so disappointing heheheehehe

I will be heading back to calgary for a couple more days. just three more sleeps till I see the doctor again and get my hormones.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 27, 2016, 02:40:24 PM
Got to admit I don't know any risks with alcohol and estradiol  but it's very rare that I drink so not too worried. I'm sure you'll get your chance to be taken advantage of soon enough lol

3 sleeps to go = awesome :)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 29, 2016, 11:44:09 PM
Hey girls!!
I seen the photos on Facebook Sarah, you look great!
And I seen a photo with your natural hair too, it looks really good! Will you wear it natural soon?
It must be pretty long now?

I had my Estradiol dose up 50% and androcur was good the whole time, I am soooo happy!
4 months of no T, i was feared it may have been high, I have been feeling so great the whole time, I just thought nothing really changed.
Next year is gonna be serious, Can't wait. Just 15 days of work left and then 3 weeks holidays! :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 30, 2016, 01:24:34 AM
Brilliant news Christine. So glad it's going well and imagine that 2017 is going to make 2016 look like it was nothing.

Going to be fun all round :)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 30, 2016, 08:16:11 AM
Hey Christine. Wasn't sure if you were talking about my post with my natural hair or Sarah. I hope to lose the wig in 6 months to a year from now. Just depends on how fast the hair fills in up there. I am hoping to get my E and Spiro raised this week too. Did blood work on Monday and my doctor appointment is on Thursday morning. Very anxious to see what the results of T and E are compared to the original baseline before hormones. I will keep you girls posted.

Yes, Sarah looked awesome in those pics. The lady in red!  Whistle whistle. :)

Talk to you girls later. Hope all is going well with you all.

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 30, 2016, 11:27:13 AM
Thanks girls, its really nice to know it was pretty close to perfect.
Its so funny I honestly have had no odd effects or feeling from HRT atall. But I am super happy, duno is it placebo though.
And no Jenny I was talking about Sarah, but you made me go quick and check, and now I see your pic too,
It looks really good, have you noticed much regrowth??
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 30, 2016, 11:44:18 AM
It's that way if it's all a placebo effect don't tell me I'll take it  ;D

Everything is just easier with T out and E in. All positives and zero negatives here too.
Like absolutely everything is easier as if I was previously drugged up to the eyeballs before but now my body and brain are clean I can function normally. As my body is rewritten I see more of me every day which means every day is better than the day before it which is seriously awesome.

Seems like you might be having a similar-ish experience with the added bonus of being so much younger you lucky girl.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on November 30, 2016, 12:00:33 PM
Hehe.  I had a feeling you were talking about Sarah but I wasnt sure since I had posted the pic with my natural hair as well.  Its getting there but has a long way to go.  The Finasteride and Rogain helps.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 30, 2016, 12:23:29 PM
It is so easy now isn't it?
I am lucky for being younger, but still I have mostly developed i think, anyway we can't dwell on that, its funny Jerrica you really have the look of people i know back home, you to me look totally passable. I have yet a while to go!
And Jenny I think it looks really good anyway, I moniter mine all the time, they start white get about 5 milimeters long, turn brown, and start to thicken after months! :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 30, 2016, 02:00:04 PM
Thanks Christine I don't really dwell on the age bit tbh but who wouldn't love a dozen years back. My extra years got me my kids though and I've been lucky enough to roll back a few years since I got back so it's all good. You're gorgeous irrespective of your age we're definitely charmed that's for sure :)

It's silly but one thing I kinda forgot to ever think about was passability which sounds really absurd especially when I see old pics. Ok that and plans and.... huh.... everything.... now that I actually think about it I never really consciously transitioned either I guess. It sounds like a really scary process in all honesty if you break it all down just so many changes I wouldn't know where to start but I dunno it just all felt like growing up. Looking back at the past year is really cool. January seems like forever ago and suppose it was from my perspective. Up side of a memory wipe maybe; I'll take it though.

I stand by my first comments about your avatar pic you look great and I feel you have nothing to fear. You have a great time ahead of you.

Loving that you reckon I could blend in back home that I like a lot. I'm happy enough to just get on with things but I admit I have been catching myself in the mirror (or any reflective surface - uh oh vanity alert, maybe) a bit more recently and I like it. My teeth are still a mess but I don't care I like seeing me and it makes me smile.

For better or worse I am hung up on looks and while I didn't really have any plans before I wanna be pretty someday but I'll need to quick as I'm probably not going to get much younger. Still not got any real plans but got a serious impulse to do something with my eyes so guess it's time to learn eye stuff. Think it'll be fun as I've never done makeup before apart from lippy which I just can't live without now.

Darn kids calling me on my promise to take them to McDs guess I stop my ramble here for now.

ttfn x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 30, 2016, 02:52:36 PM
The kids must be deffinitly the best part of not dealing with the trans stuff, I have banked to atleast have a chance to have my own. I have always woried about it though.
Ha when Micky Ds is mention, you have to go, I never miss, I was ther yesterday after picking up my prescriltions lol :)
Bed time!, night!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on November 30, 2016, 05:29:50 PM
It's the best thing ever I love being a mum ♡ It's the most demanding job ever even with 2 of us we're always busy with the kids.

Really hope you get the chance to have kids if/when you want to.

It really has been an amazing year for us all and as I've recently noticed it's December tomorrow!!!!! We've almost finished 2016 and we've all made good use of it :)

I don't usually do McDs but all 5 of us have been sick as dogs for days so our return to health deserves a one off crapfest to celebrate. Got to admit though I did actually enjoy it and ate like a pig but it was my first decent meal in 3 days so I've kinda earned it.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 01, 2016, 12:58:34 AM
Hey ladies, sorry it's been so long, I haven't seen the new posts for a while... great to hear you all doing so well!!! Glad you have a new cried Jerrica, must be great to have that kind of close friendship!!!

I actually outed myself in work-mode to a customer, and she said she knew there was something about me that she just couldn't put her finger on.... long story short.... I have a new friend too!!!

We'll it's late here ladies.... hopefully my app begins working right again now.... talk soon!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 01, 2016, 01:34:47 AM
Hey girls so as you probably seen on FB I got my estrogen today. Sooo Exciting. during a checkout at the end of a meeting tonight we were told to mention something we're hoping for in the new year. I said boobies! which got a chuckle and turned into a bit of a joke after that... boobies... hahahaha

Kids are great Jerrica. I can't wait to have some. Like Chrstine my little swimmers on ice just waiting for a warm place to do their thing. still gotta find the right girl. Coincidentally I did see an engagement ring today that I liked. this ones for me. Sarah wants an engagement ring and she is going to wear a dress for her wedding. Now I just need to find the girl.... somewhere.

Thank you girls for the compliments. with some work I can doll up pretty good. I just posted a pic on FB of me without anything on. my hair is almost shoulder length now. Mostly the same length so now I can just sit back and let it grow. another year and it should be close to how long I would like it.

well, my sleeping pill is starting to kick in better go to bed before my head flops down on my keyboard.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 01, 2016, 02:01:35 AM
So good to see everyone back online. I get so bored when the net goes quiet.

Loving that you got a new friend Tasha it's one thing I really want more of next year once I've eventually got free time and money to play with.

Yay Sarah!!!!!!!!

Fantastic news honey so happy you finally got it. As for your plans they are awesome and I'm sure you'll achieve it all.

Shoulder length hair amazing. Wish mine grew as fast another year should take care of it though.

Dolling up will be the order of the day in a couple of weeks for Christmas night out. I really want to be as pretty as possible that night. I want to blow them all away but we'll see.

I'll need to hit the net later it's defo makeup time.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 01, 2016, 06:06:20 AM
Woohoo Sarah!!!!!!!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 01, 2016, 07:00:22 PM
Hey girls,
making new friends is always nice. There was a woman in a store which helped me the first time I went shopping. She left that store and I ran into at a jewelers a little while later. That was months ago. well I ran into her again today.  :D This time I got her number so we can stay in touch. She's much older then me so nothing romantic but she is really nice.

first full day on Estrogen and i'm sooo tired. I know fatigue is one of the potential side effects. what is your girls experience with it? talking about side effects Jerrica one of the potential side effects is blood clots a risk that increases if you drink alcohol.

I was at the mall today and popped into the school where I was getting electrolysis to see if the Estrogen would be an issue. she couldn't say about the specific one I was taking and said if I had a letter from the doctor saying it wasn't photo sensitizing then I would good to go. still not going to mention the Spiro. I will have to talk to the doctor about it. It's not in the budget at the moment but gotta make plans for the new year. My remaining facial hair has to go.

that's all I can think of at the moment hope you girls are doing good.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 01, 2016, 07:39:57 PM
Surprised you would feel a side effect so soon. I have heard people talk about that though. What kind of E did you get?  Pill, patch, or shots?  If pill, how are you taking it?  Most people I know say to dissolve it under your tongue. Absorbs into the blood stream better that way versus going through your liver and through your digestive system.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 01, 2016, 08:20:37 PM
Hi Jenny, I got patches I have one on my shoulder blade. it might have nothing to do with the estrogen but I've slept pretty good the last few days so lack of sleep shouldn't be an issue as it has been of late. he also doubled my Spiro dose so it could be that. Which I hadn't thought of earlier.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 01, 2016, 09:15:44 PM
Definitely a possibility. Keep a close watch on it. Glad you are finally on it. I know it must feel wonderful. I know it has been the best thing for me in my entire life. Truly amazing!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 01, 2016, 11:42:46 PM
I would guess it may be the dose of spiro causing this!
Sometimes when you start sleeping better it can make you feel more tierd throught the day.
Think its the spiro though.
Well atleast you have E in the system, funny you have your patch on your shoulder, I can't remember but I think my endo had me but them just above the groin area.
I wonder how long will it take before your body starts realizing ther is E in it! Exciting!
Almost Christmas Girls, oooohh so exciting :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 02, 2016, 12:43:33 AM
I really liked the convenience of the patch and the fact that it has lower risk of side effects then injectable and pills.... and also skip the liver so.. you know. I could be wrong but I also think it will give me a more consistent estrogen level. That's what I was thinking at the time anyway. I was just reading and apparently the patch can also release a large amount of estrogen fast in people with low estrogen levels. so maybe that is the 'cause of the fatigue,, that sudden spike in estrogen. doesn't really matter have to see how it is after a few days and weeks.

"cause of the holidays I see the doctor in 3 weeks. otherwise it would have been 4.

As for placement of the patch I told the doctor I really like soaking in the bath so was a little concerned about it coming off. he told me I could put it on the arm or shoulder but not the chest. I don't really want people to be able to see it and some of my shirts have short sleeves or are sleeveless so back of shoulder it was.

I'm totally paranoid that it's not working for me or whatever but it is staying in place well so it should be ok. Either way I can't wait to see the doctor and see what the levels are. with the increase in blockers, I'm at the max they prescribe, and the estrogen.... although 3 weeks isn't a lot of time for my body to process the T out of my system. when I see him in a couple months then it should really show. So exciting. Actually that will be right around my b-day. Happy b-day I have female levels of T and my E levels are on the rise. what a present that would be!!!!

Just out of curiosity how are you all taking your estrogen? pills, patch or injections?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 02, 2016, 03:35:18 AM
Aha thank you for the blood clot thing increasing with alcohol. That's interesting.

I've got to admit I can't think of a single negative. Felt kind of like wakening up a bit more each day with my mind getting a bit easier to use. I'll never forget dreaming after 3 days on hormones a fluke most likely but so glad to be able to dream. Gradually it restored everything really taking me from machine/zombie to really being alive.

I'm on tablets 3 times a day which should keep my levels consistent. Liver I'm not really worried about seeing as I almost never drink alcohol it gives it something to do.

My understanding is limited but I think the other methods spike and taper between doses  but likely makes no real difference I'm guessing. It's always possible spikes could produce growth surges or consistent could give steady development. No idea but tablets are quick and easy to add to my vitamin regime so it works for me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 02, 2016, 08:24:47 AM
Hey girls. We are all on E now!  How cool is that?

I take the pill. I put it under my tongue to take it versus swallowing it though. I had my doctor appt yesterday and found out my T is going down and my E is going up. Not as fast as I would have liked though. I still have more T than E. Because of my diabetes, my doc didn't want to change my meda until 3 more months. That will be my six month mark on E. I was disappointed  but understood her concern for blood clots. I really was hoping to get an increase. Will now be anxious to see the six month numbers.

How well do you girls sleep?  I sometimes have a hard time getting to sleep. Was just curious if anyone else has experienced that. It could just be the green tea extract that I take that probably has quite a bit of caffeine. Hard to say though.

Oh well talk to you girls later. Ain't it awesome being a woman! :)

Loving it!!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 02, 2016, 08:41:32 AM
Sleep not a problem. I can just put my head down and be sound asleep within a minute or 2. Wakening up now that's the hard part I just don't want to get out my cosy wee bed and go into the freezing cold world.

I've heard mixed things about taking tablets sublingually but with my lazy nature and suspicion the tablets would taste nasty I'll just swallow them. Either way they get into the body so as long as levels hit the target zone then it's all good.

Blood tests are fun. I always look forward to my next set. Next one even more so after adjusting my dose. Still can't believe I misread that report before (so silly to not have confirmed reporting units in UK to convert them) ah well only forwards so lesson learned. My dose and levels were still ok just not optimal so it bugged me tbh.

Oh that reminds I'll need to give thought to my post op meds and order some up as I'm thinking my blues will be too high so get to use the pink ones. Far more appealing and appropriate :)

Hope y'all have a good Friday and weekend ahead x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 02, 2016, 09:46:57 AM
I sleep like a stone!
I have never had bother sleeping.
My weekend starts with lasser now, then relax. :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 02, 2016, 11:25:54 AM
oh that is awesome Christine. bye bye hair. well, at least it is a step in that direction.

any plans for your weekend girls?

yeah gotta watch out for those blood clots depending where they travel that's where the risk of stroke or heart attack comes.

woke up with such a headache. it seems to be going away now. as for sleep... sleep and I have a long running feud. I would like to get it and usually is say  :icon_censored: you. it was really bad after surgery. last night I was able to get to sleep without taking a sleeping pill though so maybe it's getting better.

I'm hoping estrogen helps. although I don't know of anything that says it directly affects sleep. I have considered taking progesterone as it does effect sleep. Although it increases the risk of side effects and there is no evidence it helps trans woman. The doctor and I decided to leave it for a future visit if I do want it.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 02, 2016, 11:38:06 AM
Hehe...  Sarah got censored...  :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 02, 2016, 12:54:37 PM
Just back from lasser!! Damnnn I wasn't expecting that, around my face and was fine,  but that upper lip had me hopping :S
If you ever messed around with an electric fence when you wher young you will know the feeling ha
The girl that does it is great too.
Face feels funny now, all rashy feeling and itchy.
Redness is mostly gone already!
Tomorrow hopefully wash the car, and take the other one out of the garage to let her heat up, and keep her moving.
Some Christmas shopping too hopefully :')
Hope yous have some fun too :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 02, 2016, 02:04:04 PM
Are you doing laser or electrolysis?  I am doing laser on my face now. I have had about 6-8 sessions so far. I have a pretty high pain tolerance so it doesn't bother me too much. Yes the upper lip is more painful than other areas of the face. I still have to shave daily though. Wish I could start seeing better results soon.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 02, 2016, 02:05:33 PM
Oh and I grew up on a ranch so I know all about messing with electric fences. We used to have contests on how long we could hang on. Maybe that's why I'm all messed up. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 02, 2016, 02:16:26 PM
Haha, Jenny thats funny, we used to do it too, brother used to go on forever. One day though the fence run up against the back of the shed, and he decided it would be a good idea to reach for the steel girder at the corner of it ha, litteraly launched his hand off it with the biggest crack! He never did it again.

I am doing lasser though, I am normaly very pain resistant, but it just make you jump, not really painfull, just always feels like a suprise haha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 02, 2016, 02:30:46 PM
Actually I agree. It makes me jump too. Not much pain just startling.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 05, 2016, 07:47:01 PM
hey girls I hope you all had a great weekend. As you would have seen on FB I got my first appointment with a Psychiatrist that specializes in gender gysphoria. it's soo exciting. to be honest I'm a little surprised I'm this excited about it. but it will be good to get the whole process moving 'cause it could take a while.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 05, 2016, 08:31:12 PM
I totally get the excitement, one more step forward!!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 05, 2016, 11:21:29 PM
Yeah an important step forward forward. I just find myself being surprised about what I'm getting excited about. To me it just confirms for me that I'm on the right track. I wonder every now and then if transitioning was the right choice. I haven't had any real doubts and the thought I normally have is "of course it is because I'm not going to stop." Since getting excited about something is an automatic response it just validates what I'm thinking. Have you girls had any similar experiences?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 05, 2016, 11:26:58 PM
Oh I'v been so excited all the way, but at the same time, if I ever worry I just think back to how I was before.
The past few days me and mother have been talking much more positively together about me. It will be even better when I get home though to properly talk.
Its funny It was me really standing up for myself, spiting fire that got her listening, Its my life and I'm able to fire of every tiny detail, and have been dealing with this over and over in my head, so I know every response to any questions or attacks.
Mam is deffinitly getting ther! :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 05, 2016, 11:29:42 PM
I've been rooting for you all along Sarah!  So happy you are making progress.   You've gotta be on cloud #9.

New pic, Christine?  Looks good!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 05, 2016, 11:32:50 PM
No Jenny, just an old hidden away one, a snap! I like it though :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 06, 2016, 12:45:51 AM
Tis a nice pic Christine.... And I'm happy for you Sarah!!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 06, 2016, 01:37:20 AM
Thanks tasha, it did turn out nice, :')
I don't look like that now at work ha, pumping wine here ther and everywher.

How are things going for you Tasha? What are your plans?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 06, 2016, 01:53:19 AM
So glad you got your psych appointment moved forward especially when it saves years.
Excitement totally justified. I find everything in my life is almost a continual validation that all is getting closer to normal. From the boring stuff life getting ready for work (shower, dress, hair, face etc) to the fun stuff like party dress shopping last night it's all good.

As for whether it's the right decision I'd dismiss it as a decision at all. It's life pure and simple. We're not choosing between 2 people to be we are just finally being ourselves.

Best test I guess is my fear of being turned into him again. I'd fight to my death before I'd accept accept living as anyone else.

Just like anyone else saying it's a decision not to be bitten by a zombie :)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 06, 2016, 01:59:23 AM
New pic looking good.

I love snapchat filters they're just so much fun. Wish we could patch this reality with them as that would be so cool.

Personal fave the vamp one I just love the long fangs :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 07, 2016, 02:34:14 AM
Good on you for standing up for yourself with your mum Christine. I'm that way with my mum now about my name. She still dead names me all the time and I promptly tell her that's not my name or ask her who she is talking to. She apologizes and then calls me Sarah.

Yeah I'm on cloud nine. I've been much happier since I started transitioning but lately I've been going to bed with a big smile on my face.  :D The last month has been pretty eventful some really good some really bad but it's so great to be taking a couple big leaps forward on my progress. I just wish I would hear from the voice therapist. That's kind of the last big thing to get going.

oh I keep forgetting to mention... I've also lost 8 lbs and 2 inches on my waist. Finally some noticeable change.

I hope you girls are doing good. 
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 07, 2016, 03:27:09 AM
Thanks Sarah!!
Oh I had to nail her,the same old crap she woyld keep saying to me, and I just exploded, she hadn't a leg to stand on! But she has been much better since! :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 07, 2016, 05:40:34 AM
Hell hath no fury.... ♡

So glad everything is going well especially the getting in shape. I'm scared to check the scale and just finished first aerobics classes for over a month. Between that and eating like a bear preparing for hibernation I'm screwed lol.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 07, 2016, 08:09:53 AM
Congrats Sarah!  That's great!  I have been trying to lose weight too but it hasn't been going very well. Just in the last day or so I have decided to try a low carb diet to see if that helps and if I can handle it. Gotta do something. Been very frustrated looking at my belly in the mirror lately. Wish me luck. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 07, 2016, 11:59:24 AM
No plans as of yet, having a hard time right now. I'll talk when I've got more time.... Glad you are all doing well!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 07, 2016, 12:11:35 PM
Ok Tasha, be strong Girl, we are always here for you!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 07, 2016, 12:42:26 PM
Thinking of you, Tasha.  Hope all gets better soon.  Remember we are here for you!  :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 07, 2016, 03:25:28 PM
Random fun I saw 2 of my tenants that I hadn't seen for ages. They asked me what happened to Gerard so I just said "He moved on and I'm doing his job now". After that they were asking if I was enjoying my new job etc y'know general getting to know you chit chat and then....... they were slagging of my predecessor!!!

Was so funny to be with people that knew him for years but couldn't connect me to him to the point they could easily dis him to me. Nothing nasty but I really enjoyed it.

So awesome it really made my day as I had been expecting to have to explain myself when I was on my way there. Then turns out I didn't have to :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 07, 2016, 04:06:27 PM
Awesome Jerrica!!!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 07, 2016, 11:42:12 PM
Id guess you sassed "him" just as bad Jerrica! Haha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 08, 2016, 02:05:13 AM
That's great. It really shows how much we can change when we transition. it give me hope as I still see so much of my former self when I look at myself in a mirror. A lot less if I have make up and a wig on but I still see it. I'm so happy to have hormones so that I can really make him disappear.

so i'm pretty sure I would have menitoned that I wear breast forms and have for most of this year. I have three sets now. I had another but they didn't hold up well and I tossed them. Anyway, my latest forms are a bra style so they have bra straps. They are a 40 C on me if anyone is curious. But there are these little plastic clips that hold the various straps together. They held up fine for the longest time and then on broke and I patched it back together with some surgical tape. Then another one broke and I did the same thing. now they just keep breaking and it's driving me crazy. I wear a bra to sort of push them together otherwise they hang off the sides of my chest a bit much. Anyway, if any of you have any clever ideas of what I could do that would be great. i don't really want to replace them yet as I figure i will have to downsize as my chest develops. I don't really want to get any bigger.

Tasha, I'm there in spirit to support you. As jenny we are here if you need anything. take care girls love you all
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 08, 2016, 02:29:41 AM
Haha Christine I did laugh and agree I had heard he wasn't very good at his job. Gave them my card and told them to call if they have any problems. Very professional :)

No experience of breast forms but currently wear a 38B push up plunge "enhancer" (padded) bra.

Is it possible to combine smaller forms with a padded bra?

I like to imagine the matrix effect with the body echoing my mind as my mind was restored my body has tried to reform. Diet, hormones, skincare, hydration, maintenance, fashion and makeup are purely coincidental ofc.

I'm sure you will all have an amazing time with hormones after all you saw what I was given to work with and seem to have turned out ok so far :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 10, 2016, 10:21:20 PM
First full on mega night out!!!

Practice run of sorts as my Christmas night out is next Saturday. Never been dancing etc so wanted to go experience it in advance so there would be no surprises and my super secret plan for Christmas night out was to get hit on. Trashy but true I want to feel wanted sexually. So wanted to glam up and try to turn a head or two...

Anyhoo back to my practice run tonight friend I was going to go with let me down big time but my sis stepped in which then became her and her hubby (who I love to bits ofc) then his sis and her hubby come too. So from being alone for town I'm in a group of 5 but we're there to have fun so I don't actually feel 5th wheelish.

Lovely meal and several drinks then off to a club as they all know that's what I'm really after "The Dancin'". After worrying about dancing I really shouldn't have as by god my body loves to move. It's like I knew every word to every song and dancing like there was no tomorrow. Could have done it all night. It was sooooo much fun and apparently I was attracting admirers which my gentleman friends were intercepting and moving me around to prevent them engaging almost getting into fisticuffs in the process!!!

Best of intentions but y'know I wanted the attention.

They laughed and said I could totally tick getting hit on off my list, mission definitely accomplished lol.

One bold guy managed to get close enough to dance with me so we did for a bit. My first dance with a random guy complete with twirls etc. Naturally I know a dance is as far as I'm going so after a min or 2 I let him go and switch back to one of my friends and he moves on.

I'm so ready for next week but the girls from work have a lot of work ahead of them to get even close to tonight's fun :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 11, 2016, 02:05:24 AM
That's great Jerrica. I'm glad you had fun. when I went out a couple weeks ago for my friends b-day that was my first experience have guys whistle and holler at me. there was also a table full of guys next to us that sat there and stared at all of us girls at our table. I gave them a nice view of me shaking my booty. hahaha I've always thought men were pigs and they so are.. not that i'm complaining. I loved it.

not a whole lot else going on with me. I have these really mild headaches for days. they aren't that bad and they sort of come and go. I know they can be a side effect the estrogen. I just hope it's just from my body getting used to it and that it eventually goes away.

I hope you girls are doing good
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 11, 2016, 11:42:53 AM
The headaches sound horrible but the attention is fun.

Like I said to my sis for now it has novelty value and it is nice to experience guys trying to win you over. Pretty sure I was sending out bitch in heat vibes despite the fact I couldn't possibly deliver. Guess that makes me tease but I can live with that.

Takes thoughts to a whole new level though as sex with a guy moves from no chance and don't care to gimme!!!!!

God help me in May when I should be capable of going all the way. For now my mismatched bits still screw with me but as soon as I'm "normal" my inhibitors will be removed leaving me open to anything and everything life can offer me.

Gonna be a fun year ahead.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 13, 2016, 04:47:15 AM
Potential good news from Chet it looks like I can still take my Spiro before and after (just until I get my E again).

Quote from: ChetYou must stop taking aspirin or any blood thinner medication, estrogen hormone, all NSAID drugs: for example, Ibuprofen (Advil), Diclofenac (Votaren) at least 2 weeks before traveling.

That is all it says apart from a smoking warning that doesn't apply to me.

Just to be 100% I have emailed for specific confirmation as I wouldn't want to risk my surgery by being anything less than completely obedient to any instructions but as it doesn't say it.....

Given the major trauma that having T in my system can cause this could be just the reassurance I need as I fear 3 weeks with my ridiculously fast healing speed could cause a lot of damage to me before surgery and even threaten my mind with that size of time window.

Also trying to change to the Rama as I think the wee cottages look nice and I love the idea of wandering about the gardens talking to the cats if I get lonely instead of being stuck in my hotel room.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 13, 2016, 05:10:58 AM
Its funny it doesn't matter, who or what its is, attention is attention :3
I had that the first day I went my therapist.
Oh, and a week after the lasser, tones of hair started falling out, its disgusting but really good news!
Can't wait for the next session.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 13, 2016, 05:24:25 AM
Fantastic news hon.

I keep getting told I've lost loads of hair etc but it's that way I only see what's left I don't notice what's gone.
Think my memory keeps rewriting itself so I can't remember bad things but I like it. If I'm honest about it I've got a lot less hair than most women which is pretty cool but I want it all gone for bikini season apart from a well maintained pubic area (design TBA after surgery).

Oh yeah attention is so nice especially THAT kind of attention as I find it really flattering and validating right now. It's one thing to live and be treated as a normal girl day to day but after dark the world changes. Given we all have fears of being somehow called out it's really reassuring to know people only see a normal girl that they find sexually attractive. For now at least I'm loving the attention as it feeds part of me that really needs to be fed in a way I've never felt before.

Next challenge to be chatted up and bought a drink by a good looking guy.
Roll on Saturday....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 13, 2016, 05:50:11 AM
Well I have no hair bar standard female paterns, and a we bit around my face, its really annoying, but ther is very little for a normal 26 year old.
I have less arm pit hair then my gf.
Body hair was always non existent. So lucky.
You will have fun next year girl when you are all healed up and ready to roll!
It must be nice! :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 13, 2016, 06:10:05 AM
I'm constantly amazed tbh I've defo been way lucky from the way my body was messed up before but so right now.
Stuff that wasn't right for a guy (very little body hair, feminised body etc) make so much more sense now.

When I think about my own timeline I'm kinda shocked from beginning to end in just over 12 months.
Such a short space of time but seems so long ago.

I'm a wee bit ahead but I cheat  ;D

We've all had a great 2016 and 2017 going to be awesome for us all.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 13, 2016, 07:51:21 AM
Guess what girls?  I met someone!  Met a great lady on one of the dating sites. We haven't met in person yet but we have been texting back and forth constantly. We are finding we have lots in common and are getting along great so far. I can't wait to meet her. She lives here in the Denver area. Nice to think there is someone out there that wants me to be the girly one in the relationship. We are having lots of fun so far talking. Wish me luck. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 13, 2016, 10:21:19 AM
Its really strange that ins't it Jerrica? I always wonder about it! I wonder was it truely god that help me who prayed everyday, or was it my will power that worked in my favour, I can never undertand.

And great news Jenny!! That sounds real exciting! :)
Do update us all!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 13, 2016, 10:34:47 AM
Good news indeed Jenny  ;D

Yeah I know what you mean Christine it's always interesting am I the way I am because of my body or vice versa.
You can cook your brain thinking about it at times lol
I like the idea that my body can reflect my mind to a degree.

Either way the only thing I know for sure is I am alive and in control of my life now.
The rest of this life is going to be fun.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 13, 2016, 11:37:22 PM
that's so great Jerrica. I'm a little jealous but I will get there. I'm just anxiously waiting to start seeing changes from the hormones. after starting the blockers my sex drive diminished quite a bit but since he double the dose and added the estrogen. it's just about gone. Which makes tucking even easier.

Like you jerrica I've never been very hairy but now I wish it was all gone. waxing works for a while but I hate is so much when it starts to show up again.

That's great you are seeing a reduction Christine.

That's cool you met someone Jenny. I'm on a couple dating sites but don't really do much on them. most of the women that show any interest in me are women that are in relationships and either want someone on the side or someone to join them. neither of which interest me.

  if you recall me talking about a trans girl that I had a crush on... I saw her last night and long story short she is de-transitioning and going back to being a boy. I still like her and she doesn't look or sound any different to me but I'm so confused I don't know what to do with my feelings. I have no interest in being with a man. She's planning on moving away for a few months so I might have some time to figure it out before I see her again. thanks for talking with me about it last night jerrica. *hugs* 
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 14, 2016, 01:39:33 AM
Wow Sarah. That's quite a dilemma. I hope you can sort it out. I got totally licking on the site I was on. She contacted me because she likes trans women. We are hitting it off pretty well so far. We have lots in common and get along great.

It's late here. Talk to you later.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 14, 2016, 02:25:43 AM
Hey Sarah I'm glad you're feeling a bit better and happy to talk anytime hon. Changes can be sneaky as I'm impatient as hell I just didn't check as I assumed it would be a glacial pace if any changes after all it looked like a guys body when I got back. Then from time to time I'd notice things eventually (Hello breasts I mean like seriously they just were kinda suddenly there lol). Seeing me in the mirror just got easier day by day even if I couldn't explain how. My before and now pic really hammered it all home as I hadn't really though much had happened.

It's all a process really we've done the hard part without knowing it before we decided. As for any jealousy firstly thank you as I consider that a massive compliment  :)  and more importantly nothing to be jealous of really apart from cheating the time lines a bit. As always given your profile pic (that I still love btw) you're gonna do amazing.

As for interest in guys or gals it's clichéd but try not to worry about it as it will take care of itself. If someone told me I'd be interested in guys earlier this year I'd have considered it absurd but then again this whole year would have been thought to be impossible so never say never I guess.

In the end the heart and body will want what they want and it'll be up to your mind to work out something acceptable that has a real chance of working.

All I'll say to all of you is be careful with your hearts it's called a crush because of how often we feel crushed by it later and dunno about yous but I had zero experience dealing with that before the guy at work so it really put me through the grinder until I grew up enough to handle it a bit better. Emphasis on a bit but a bit is enough even the pain of heartache has it's place in my life. Good or bad I need to feel it all no picking or choosing.


Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 14, 2016, 09:28:06 PM
Unfortunately, my date didn't work out. Turned out she was extremely clingy and I couldn't breath. The date literally lasted 24 hours. I basically realized I am not ready for another relationship and I need to continue to take care of myself. I actually feel better now even though I probably broke her heart. I feel bad about that but I think it better to end it early than later. It just wasn't right for me. I am not even sure I want to continue looking. I think I was really getting to like my independence and was not ready to give it up. After all, that is one of the main reasons I left my ex in the first place. I have to take care of me and only me for now.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 15, 2016, 12:46:27 AM
I'm sorry it didn't work out for you Jenny. when I started transitioning I wasn't all that interested in a relationship. I had other things to deal with. I've gotten more interested since but feel terribly self conscious about approaching women.

I keep forgetting to mention a couple girlfriends kept inviting me to join them at the gym. I wasn't terribly interested at the time. That's changed so I went there to see how they would deal with a transgender women such as myself. Long story short everything is ok and I signed up. I haven't had a chance to go yet but I will. I think you go to gym or something Jerrica how do you do it? what's your experience been?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 15, 2016, 02:13:04 AM
Sorry to hear about the date Jenny but glad it's helped you realise what you want for now.

For the gym same as everywhere I didn't explain a thing just everything changed. When I first started going I looked like and sounded like a fat old guy in baggy stuff but gradually changed to fit then really skinny guy in constantly tightening clothes. I did approach my instructor after a class when she used the ladies and gentlemen with me in the class to just consider me as one of the girls and to this day it's simply "Ok ladies..." always feels good to hear.

Then it got harder for people to tell as I switched to ladies running gear in black lycra from top to toe. Finally more and more pink plus my top had an integrated bra which filled at it's own pace. At some point I was overwhelmed by the need to connect with my other exclusively female classmates. By this point I identified as Jerri and was simply accepted into the pack.

At some point I randomly threw into conversation "I know you guys know already but yeah I'm changing" a couple of good for yous then back to our normal gabbing.

A week or so ago I told them I don't use Jerri any more just Jerrica which was accepted without question as they all knew why there was no reason to explain.

Nowadays everyone just sees another woman going to the gym all lycra'd up and looking good apart from the GINORMOUS BELLY  (It's barely noticeable tbh but I want it gone anyway lol)

One thing that did screw with me significantly was my tuck coming loose by the end of class. Now this didn't bother me at first as everyone knew my "before" but as I changed more and more my annoyance and personal embarrassment increased exponentially. Fortunately I was petite when not activated so even after it slipped it was barely noticeable but to me I might as well have had a baguette stuffed in my knickers.

Following a recent change to high leg briefs I find my tuck is actually a lot more stable and had zero slips since. Given the intensity of my workouts with all the leaps and flying around that's impressive.

Ultimately most people will either not notice, not care or just not make a fuss. The awkwardness if you feel any is ours. It's one of the things I look forward to the most about surgery is removing that worry forever.

No delicate way to put it but if your lumpy bits are secure and/or you are comfortable and confident then you'll be fine. Same as everywhere else it's not really our looks that can flag us but our own panic sets off invisible alarm bells that draw attention to us.

I live in a stealthish world I've no secrets but I loathe anything that could flag me as anything other than 100% female.

I'm sure you'll have a great time at the gym and hope my fears don't become yours but that kinda recaps my experiences.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 15, 2016, 02:55:09 AM
That's cool Jerrica. It's so amazing to hear someone change. nice to hear you have had such a good experience with your excercise. My concern was more change rooms and bathooms and such. but i was told to use the ones I identify with and that correspond to my drivers license. Like so many trans people, I think, it's my owns fears and insecurities probably.

I forgot to mention thank you for the compliments. people tell me that i will turn out great and frankly I think so too. But my fear that pops up every now and then is what if I'm wrong. At this point the only thing I want to change about my face is my nose. what if after being on hormones for a while I want to do my cheeks and chin and so on..... again fears and insecurities I guess but they are there. goodnight
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 15, 2016, 03:29:58 AM
Changing rooms I kinda cheat as while showering in the communal showers my body doesn't really fit into either category. Fortunately I use the swimming lockers downstairs and have my own RADAR key which let's me use the private disabled shower room. Whilst I don't identify as disabled the private facilities are nice.

Usually I just quickly jump in the car and shower at home like the rest of the girls but on days that I use the treadmill my body and gear are minging  (disgusting) so need to shower and change. Once I'm cleaned and dressed it's back out to the public area to dry my hair and do my face before catwalking out like I own the place.

If the shower was in private cubicles then it would be a no brainer same as loos, changing rooms or anything else.

After surgery I'll still be body conscious same as everyone else. I might get some cosmetic work at a later date but I'll be confident enough being naked in front of my fellow gym bunnies.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 17, 2016, 12:26:23 PM
Hey Girls,
Had our staff party last night, cours I went in guy mode, but with my greatly reduced beard shadow and other changes, the male fail was strong, and the older man opposite me on the table mistook me to be one of the girls, it was so funny, when they told him differently he was shocked and appologetic haha, I was glowing though.
I really did look rather femme, my hair looked amasing that night.
I wonder did any of the others think anything when they saw me, another pretend t kiss my hand joking, to get at my quiet female look. But its gotten so much better with HRT and really looking after myself. It was an amasing night that continued way on till nearly 5 o'clock in the morning.
Also a week ago, I got a pay rise, he even back paid me for two months work, and the overtime will also be reworked, and my 13th month Salary to will also benefit from this.
Last months pay check is twice the usual amount, we get two pay checks at the end of the year, not all companys do this in Switzerland, but alot do, and mines does, such a nice thing at the end of the year! :3
My brother also told his gf about me and she was totally fine with it, she kinda suspected it aswel.
I had studied with her before so she does know me.
All in all an epic week. I return to Ireland on Wensday for nearly 3 weeks, will be able to talk abit more with mother properly too! :)
Hope you are all well!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 17, 2016, 12:34:45 PM
That is awesome Christine!  God, I would kill to be mistaken for female while in male mode. Not sure if that will ever happen. My hair is getting close though. It's getting longer and has a nice curl in the back. From the front, it looks great but from the back, heat bald/thin spot is visible. Really want to stop using the wig as soon as possible.

Glad to hear about your raises too!  That's great!  Proves you are a valued employee. Feels good, right?


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 18, 2016, 06:27:19 AM
Hey Christine good party. Loving the male fail but not surprised in the least.

Work stuff and money always helps. Fun times ahead with looks and money.

Family stuff is down right awesome ofc.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 18, 2016, 06:37:40 AM
It's the morning after the works night out too. Relatively reserved (bit boring) but still had fun and it got better as I got along really well, I think, with one of the other girls. She's fun and gorgeous ofc so defo a highlight to the night.

Getting hit on is getting boring tbh I'd rather be with SO. Think she's coming around a bit more to the reality of us being together. Still hope she eventually picks me but we'll see.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 18, 2016, 06:51:53 AM
Thanks Jenny and Jerrica, it was truely amasing, my hair is what did it I think, and maybe my shape, I have started to change!
I'm still 65 kilos and my waist and hips are starting to show, even with what I was wearing!
Just so much confidence boosting, I was sky high!
You are still trying to see how things go with the mother of your kids Jerrica??
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 18, 2016, 07:09:06 AM
Loving you're still 65kg. Defo an inspiration to get my ass in shape.

Yeah but she really can't know anything for sure until after I heal from surgery. That's the most exciting and the scariest part of next year. She still struggles as she can't see me as a girl but got a new twist as she doesn't see me as a guy any more either which is actually good news.

As it stands I can't be as physically close to her as I'd like due my undesirable bits. After I heal my own issues will be fixed and my body complete. Only then can she fairly choose if she wants me.

I'm pretty sure she loves me and obviously I love her but that's not enough I want her to want me and above all else for her to be happy.

If the time comes and she does choose me I'll be the luckiest girl in the world.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 19, 2016, 07:48:46 AM
Glad I specifically asked about the Spiro to Chet's office.
I've to stop that too. Kinda saw it coming tbh but was intrigued and hopeful when it hadn't said so on the earlier email.
Som had been absolutely lovely especially when I consider how much hassle I probably am with questions and requests she is still so nice to me.

Hotel switch was not a problem so I'm now going for a cottage at the Rama which I think will be nice for wandering about the garden and checking out the fountain. I also really like the idea of having Tesco deliver direct to my front door which is a major plus.

My Doc had checked out the list of requirements for surgery and told me he can do it all for me including the x-ray.
I'm so lucky to have him as my GP he's amazing.

Secured a bit more money too so I'm in the safe zone again annnnnnnd finish work on Friday for the year - Yay!!!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 20, 2016, 01:11:18 AM
Hey ladies, glad to hear all the good news!! Just wanted to drop in and say hi.... Let you know everything is okay.... Hopefully I get more energy and join back in the thread soon... Love you all!! Gnight!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 20, 2016, 03:22:49 AM
Sleep well and catch up once you've recharged.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 20, 2016, 05:57:22 AM
We love you too Tasha!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 22, 2016, 02:51:04 AM
Hey girls,
         Super exciting news christine. I'm so happy for you.

  been a pretty busy week... going to the lab the doctor etc. So I saw the urologist on Monday. Apparently everything is looking good. the stones i had were the type normally 'caused by eating red meat. Good thing I've already cut back on the burgers. A girls gotta think of her figure now. hehehehe  I've also increased my fluid intake and make sure to drink water regularly so that should help keep things flushed out.

I see my doctor tomorrow. I can't wait to hear what my numbers are.  :D :D I'm hoping he will up my dose a little. More so I can put on a full patch then that I'm worried about my E levels. Although we'll see where they are at maybe I will be concerned. I think I mentioned I cut my patch in half to get the correct dose. I put a piece of surgical tape on the cute edge which works ok. But I put on a new patch just below where I had one before. a couple patches ago. I put it below where the other one was but the surgical tape went over where part of the patch was. it got soo irritated and was super itchy. when I took it off just where the tape was is all, not quite blistered, but it looks like hell. it dried out and the skin is flaking off like when you have a sunburn. it's weird. I've been careful where i Put them since.

I hope you girls are doing great. Love you all  :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss: goodnight
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 22, 2016, 10:14:00 AM
Good news Sarah and yeah defo watching the burgers........ well watching them disappear as I scoff them relentlessly. I'm so doomed. Diet cancelled for the rest of the year!!!!

Always love the numbers. 2 weeks to my next set. Still to decide on my post op dose then get excitement all over again until I get my levels spot on then testing will get scaled back to 6 then 12 monthly.

Got a missed call from GIC saying I've reached the top of the list so to call and make an appointment. I admit I smiled and laughed a bit as there is nothing left for them to do they've missed the whole show.

Emailed anyway just in case there is something they can offer. Got a nice wee email back thanking me for my honesty and leaving the door open if I need them which kinda confirms there's nothing they can do which is pretty awesome tbh.

Also it's good news for whoever is next on the list as their wait is now over.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 23, 2016, 02:19:47 AM
That is great Jerrica. I'm happy things are going good for you. definitely good for the next person too as you said.

I saw the doctor today. My testosterone levels plummeted as I expected they are at 2.6 which he said is where he would like to see them. The estrogen levels according to the lab results have plummeted. which he thinks was some kind of screw up at the lab. before i started using the patch my estrogen was 136. they took my blood this past monday so about two and half weeks after starting and they say it was at 30.  Which doesn't make any sense at all. screw up or not it has me a little freaked.

He doubled my dose though so hopefully that pushes it up. It also means I can use full patches so that should make it a little easier.   I really can't wait to do my blood work again. unfortunately my next follow up is two months away. it'll come fast though so the wait shouldn't be too bad.

take care girls.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 23, 2016, 05:46:37 AM
Great news for the T and very odd about the E. Could cutting the patches have been reducing their effectiveness? Either way with being doubled up to the full patch your E should defo be going up.

2 months should fly by especially with Christmas and New Year to pass the time a bit. I'll be looking forward to your next set of numbers too.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 23, 2016, 10:49:32 AM
Happy Holidays all. I wish you all the best!  Talk more soon. Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 23, 2016, 01:05:43 PM
Hope you all enjoy the holidays!!! I finally decided to start hrt, first dose yesterday. Can't wait to see how things go!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 23, 2016, 01:10:20 PM
Woohoo!!!'   Congrats Tasha!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 23, 2016, 01:19:11 PM
That is great Tasha, it is a magical road!

I had flown back to Ireland and have been floored with the cold and everything. Been horrible.
So much exciting news to tell, but I haven't the time, too much family floating around! Lol
Have a great Christmas girls! :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 23, 2016, 01:23:03 PM
Thanks ladies!! Can't wait to hear your news... Haven't been talking much, but I'm still reading..

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 23, 2016, 10:06:29 PM
Gratz Tasha I'm looking forward to seeing and hearing about your experiences on hormones.

It's probably a very irresponsible view but to me hormones are so much fun.

From your starting point I can imagine only really good things happening with you on them.

Defo looking forward to your update Christine and know how you feel just so little me time available right now lol

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 24, 2016, 12:29:31 AM
Hey girls,
  I can't wait to hear from Tasha and Christine either. that's a big step Tasha I'm happy for you. it sounds like you are figuring things out.

Holidays can be a busy time I hope you have a nice visit with your family Christine.

Oh, I keep forgetting to mention. after just a few weeks of estrogen I'm feeling so much more chill. i don't get angry or cranky like I used to. only in rare circumstances of course but still. what have your experiences been in relation to that??

i also had a thought of why my estrogen may have dropped. basically with the drop in Testosterone my body just sucked up all the hormones it could find. not sure how plausible that is but it's a reason... 

My right nipple has been really sensitive and sore for a couple months which I had thought was just from wearing breast forms and my nipple piercing... but I've notice the sort of lump below the nipple which the doctor told me would form... and there is one on both sides though a little smaller on the left. and the left is getting more sensitive although not as sensitive as the right. so exciting I can't wait...

Also for some reason today I have been thinking a lot about testicle shrinkage. I can't wait and I have been googling . It seems like everything else it varies from one person to another. some see dramatic shrinkage in a couple months others barely any after many months. Just curious what you experienced with this if you don't mind sharing. Goodnight girls. **hugs**
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 24, 2016, 06:29:54 AM
More than happy to tell you anything hon but I'm not sure how "normal" my experiences are.

After I started HRT my demon/animal side started to get quieter then seemed to just disappear. Each day just being me was easier without him in my head like I could hear myself think clearer. It took aggression, sex drive and the need to play video games with it which was simply amazing. Kinda like being a vamp without the need to feed.

For a while I could access both of our memories but it got harder to find his as time went on which I suppose is a mixed blessing. To be so cleanly separate is nice but almost seems like cheating.

Physically it's almost like I wasn't paying attention. Changes have definitely happened but it felt so natural and with no pain at all the time just flew past. Sometimes I thought it would be kinda cool to hurt y'know like a reassurance that everything was working as intended but happy to take results with no pain.

For genitalia I wasn't exactly as expected. Gory details incoming this is pretty difficult to talk about as I prefer to not think about those parts but here goes. Penis approximately 1-2" when flaccid maybe as much as 5" when erect. Full phimosis so always 100% covered with foreskin at all times. Testicles were maybe half an inch each at their largest. Emmissions were always watery prior and unknown after.  One of the scariest things that happened after I started HRT was actually penis growth. It's now 2-3" inches but mercifully I haven't allowed it to become engorged. Could be from the stretching and pressures necessary to tuck but either way it freaked me out.

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 24, 2016, 10:16:40 PM
Merry Christmas ladies. Hope y'all have a fab time xxx
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 24, 2016, 10:21:27 PM
Same to you!!! Hope all of your holidays are wonderful ladies!!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 25, 2016, 02:38:44 AM
Hey girls it's very early Christmas morning here. just wanted to wish you all a merry Christmas and hope you all have a wonderful day. I'm off to bed... I can't wait to see want mummy clause brings me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 25, 2016, 08:16:20 AM
Merry Christmas girls. Sarah good to hear your girls are starting to wake up. Mine hurt all the time almost now Nd they have grown a bit. Not much though yet. I measured them and I think they could be considered AA cups maybe. I would love a nice B  up if I got lucky but who knows. I totally agree with how it makes you feel. I am overall more calm and less nervous. Can't say my memory of him has disappeared at all though other than not remembering last week. I think I just have CRS. Can't Remember S..t. :)I pick up my son today at 10 so excited to see him as always. Have a great holiday girls. Talk to you later. Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 26, 2016, 10:03:54 PM
Love the CRS thing I just might have to steal that lol.

Memories are an amazing thing.

Short term memory I'm just a bit scatty these days no serious issues I actually find it kinda fun and normal instead of remembering every tiny little detail of everything. I'm going for Matilda theory now I'm fully engaged my memory and abilities have normalised.

Long term a bit weird. Early memories including dream memory I'd say was normal to about 10ish. After that it seems to vary a lot.

Possible theories.

Repression if it's that then I'm smarter than I thought as I'm really good at mind stuff and getting better as time goes on. I've disassembled and reintegrated every construct, aspect and rule I could find in my head since I got back. I do still have a few blocks in my mind I've purposefully left intact for now maybe one of them is bigger or more complex than I thought. Won't know until after surgery when I remove them I guess.

Neural rewrite. As the screwy stuff in my brain got fixed the memory areas are either no longer physically accessible or maybe in some other format. Seems reasonable given how fast my body and how easily my body has taken to E combined with the historic developmental issues with my body and mind.

Split personality (Disassociative Identity Disorder as it's known now older name was cooler). Bit wary and maybe overly dismissive of this theory at first tbh for obvious reasons. However, it seems to fit in a few ways as there was very clearly me, him and us at different times in my life. Awareness levels and memory recall could vary with who was driving. Happy to report there is only me now btw.

Looking at this right now I find myself nodding to all 3!!!

A combo is possible I guess with the extra twist that the longer my brain was exposed to T the less I could survive or function in my own brain a bit like being doped up. As a child I think I'm just growing up at the time but in reality I'm becoming more him and less me as time went on. Ever since I started on hormones I just got better and with everything working he was no longer needed (or burned out like I was)

Sometimes I think I worry too much about the missing memories and should just be glad I'm back. Maybe I'm lucky I can't remember much of being him and that we were so separate. Not just even to me but anyone that knew him can't find any trace of him in me when they read me.

When my brother first met me he told me he absolutely despised him and on the drive to see me he expected to see him that day and really wanted to tear him apart so badly he was shaking with rage but as soon as he saw me and our eyes met he knew I wasn't him. He put his arms around me and held me close. It was one of the sweetest experiences of my life.

I don't where I'm going with this post but gonna put it up anyway.

Admittedly it is fun being amnesia chick as I don't have any baggage and get to experience everything for the first time which is really cool.

Ok it's 4am and I've even lost my own train of thought so I'm hitting the button and going to bed.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 27, 2016, 09:07:16 PM
Random good news I got drunk, I'm still drunk and I'm still me.♡

Working on SO's comfort zone so took her to local gay/lesbian bar. She was remarkably  comfortable there. Not enough to make out there but a start ;)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 27, 2016, 09:46:43 PM
Well yay Jerrica!!! Lol... Glad you can still enjoy yourself like an adult..... Lol.... Sorry girl, but that post caught me off guard.... A bit funny!!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 27, 2016, 10:36:47 PM
Yay on so too too!!! Little steps hun!!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 27, 2016, 11:48:37 PM
LOL Jerrica. I'm glad you are having a good time and the SO is coming around a bit.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 28, 2016, 02:13:47 AM
Morning all. Damn I feel so much better than I deserve to lol.

Must be the vodka and orange with all that vitamin C
Mwahahaha

Fun fact I'm so much fun when I'm drunk or maybe it's just me that finds me fun..... either way it adds up to a good time for me.

She's still asleep. Hope she's ok when she wakes up.

Hmmmmm yeah I'm thinking making out should defo be my next not so secret mission for a night out (or in).
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 28, 2016, 10:27:39 AM
hi girls.
there is a toby keith song, I'm not sure of the name, but there's a line in it that goes "you ain't much fun since I quit drinking"" hehehe maybe that's you Jerrica hehehehe

so, after rescheduling like 5 times I finally made it in to the gym for my free session with a trainer. I bought their cheapest package. I get a trainer once a week for a year and they give me homework to do on the days I don't have them. I have no interest in learning all the possible exercises and what to do and so on. I just want to know what to do so I can do it.  So, that will work for me... I think. According to their little machine my body fat percentage is 21 so it's actually not too bad. except it's all on my tummy. hahaha Hormones should help with that and of course working out.

I think I finally got my sleep figured out and I'm sleeping better. still not great but it'll get there I think. I've been getting some headaches which i think are 'caused by not enough sleep but only time will tell....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 28, 2016, 10:35:01 AM
Glad you enjoyed yourself Jerrica!!! We've definitely got to get out once in a while!!!

Congrats on the trainer Sarah... And I am really happy for your sleep issue getting better.... I wish I could figure that out too....

Have a nice day ladies!!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 28, 2016, 10:49:57 AM
For me it was just vitamins... my dad has always been into natural remedies so I grew up around that. I finally googled vitamins that affect sleep. I don't recall them all but vitamin D was one... I already started taking a supplement for that 'cause the doctor thought I had a D deficiency. but Spiro can screw with another vitamin that affects sleep and estrogen replacement and birth control affects another... since I'm using a birth control patch pretty good chance that one is getting messed up. In, addition to the D I also added a multi vitamin and based on my exact experience magnesium. So far that is helping. I'll give that a month or maybe a little longer and then I will get an analysis to see if anything else is out of whack.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Dena on December 28, 2016, 03:08:08 PM
Quote from: Jerrica on December 28, 2016, 02:13:47 AM
Morning all. Damn I feel so much better than I deserve to lol.

Must be the vodka and orange with all that vitamin C
Mwahahaha
No - it was the vodka. Anything that's aged is more likely to give you a hangover. Vodka or at least good vodka is nothing but alcohol and water with no nasty hangover chemicals in it.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 28, 2016, 03:38:26 PM
Yay another excuse to have a voddy and orange every few drinks x

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 28, 2016, 06:40:10 PM
I like Oscar Wilde "I drink to make other people interesting" :)

Gym is awesome and anything that gets a better sleep is good news. Need to get back to thy gym to get back into shape.

Damn just realised I need to miss a night out next Tuesday as I've got my preop bloodtests on the Wednesday. I heal fast but pretty sure getting trashed then 2-3h sleep before a bunch of blood tests is beyond my capabilities lol

Tragic timing - ah well I guess I'll live

Still Hogmanay soon and my brother in law has a great plan.....  "to get messed up" (his real plan uses the F word which just feels so much funnier and more satisfying to say but don't think that level of thought would go down well here).

Tis the season and all xx
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on December 28, 2016, 07:04:14 PM
Lol... Go girl!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 28, 2016, 10:06:24 PM
hi girls so I met a girl on tinder a few days before Christmas and we met for coffee earlier today. She was nice and is very pretty. I'm kind of shallow so I like that hahaha She is going to school across country so I don't know. we exchanged info to stay in touch so we'll see how that all goes...

Anyway, the reason I bring it up is I went to tell her a story which was always a bit of an emotional story for me but usually I could do the broad stroke of it no problem. as soon a I went to tell her I got all emotional.... which also happened to me on christmas when I  went to talk about something....  Definitely a change with the estrogen I think. how have you girls found it since starting HRT??
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 28, 2016, 10:58:31 PM
I haven't cried in 15-20 years. Now I can cry at the drop of a hat. Much more emotional now. I love it though. I feel like I have finally been able to get in touch with my feelings. My girls are starting to grow a bit too. They hurt like heck though. Seems like everything we do in our transitions involves pain. Oh well. No pain, no gain. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 29, 2016, 05:15:09 AM
Tinder sounds fun and as you know I'm shallower than a teaspoon and with your looks you should get plenty of hits.

Emotions are amazing with at least a hundredfold increase taking me from almost nothing to alive. It's one of the things I love the most being able to feel is just so good.

Good sign your body is changing too. Obviously it's a YMMV thing but a lot of people can get so caught up with the outside they can kinda miss the incredible inside stuff. Suppose it all depends on where you're starting from as to what you'll notice.

Me I was crying all kinds to Bridge to Terabithia yesterday it is upsetting and fun all at the same time bit like a workout for the emotions.

Can be a flip side too so be careful. It's possible for everything to get amped up including not so fun things like loneliness, remorse, loss etc.

Either way I'm gonna go for yay you and hope you enjoy it all :)

Still no physical pain so far anywhere but emotional restoration was a roller coaster of epic proportions.

Defo looking forward to hearing more as I love the emotional bits.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 29, 2016, 11:15:49 AM
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Thanks Jerrica. I have had a few matches on Tinder. but this was the first person I messaged. She obviously replied and we talked and then met up.

I joke that I'm shallow and while I do love pretty people. I think like most people i could never be with someone that I didn't find attractive. I have also noticed that when I like somebody they are more attractive to me then if I don't like them....

I think it's weird the sensitivity of my breasts goes up and down. last night when i went to bed they weren't that sensitive at all. today I just touched them and it was like OUCH! I'm presuming that will changing over time.. expect they will constantly hurt when breast growth really gets going
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 29, 2016, 04:30:21 PM
Yeah people I like I find a lot more attractive and if we fall out I can see them very differently. After making up it can take a while for how I see them to shift back which can be a bit awkward.

Wouldn't actually mind some breast pain if it came with an extra cup size or 2.

Glad of what I've got so far (B) but I'm thinking a nice full C should be enough. Current bra is great but it is a padded one and it's getting a bit full. Great but the next one up makes my breasts look tiny in them.

Do still look ok braless in a tshirt or nighty but I want more. Not that I'm competing with my 12 yo...... nah that's a lie ofc we compete (she'll win due to me and her other mums DNA but it's fun lol).

Bigger trouble I need to get to the gym to get back in shape. Lazing about and eating junk is fun but only so much I can handle. After my next set of bloods on the 4th I'm going back to my old diet. With being off Spiro soon peanut butter and banana sandwiches will be back on the menu along with my old breakfast shakes etc.

So many plans and I suck at waiting.

Gymnastics, swimming, poledancing, 10k, triathlon, dancing and more spring immediately to mind but for what I wanna wear doing it I'll need to be postop and looking amazing.

If any of you are going all the way to SRS what are you looking forward to most?

First up is too practical maybe but no more tucking or bump worries ever. After that it's gotta be clothes.

Maybe some day it'll be sex stuff but right here and now it's all about the clothes :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 29, 2016, 06:11:19 PM
Mine hurt only sometimes. I feel them mostly while in bed when I roll over or something. I think it is normal for the pain to come and go although I have only been on E for about 4 months. Hard to say what the future holds. They are only about an AA now but I hope they continue to grow. Would love a nice B. We will see.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 30, 2016, 03:27:37 AM
Ah the bean pains!! Mine have hurts since the very start and haven't let up. They have a slight shadow underneath them and the nipples have git slightly darker and maybe abit larger.
I hope they will atleast fill an A.
They don't get much help though as my fat content dwindles lol
Only time will tell how far they will go. I really want to stay natural.
I haven't been on too much lately but I tried have a glance atleast.
My Mother and three brothers have been amasing. They have really treated me well. I can't believe all of em had been fine with it.
My dad I have not worked up the courage to talk to yet! :/
I duno if I can!. He is such a hard man, I really doubt it would be worth it.
Mum says she can talk for me when I leave.
But I know maybe he would see it as an insult that I told all the rest but not him.
I duno what t do, I have never been able t talk t him about anything in life! :/
I have a week in Ireland left! It wont last long
I hope you Christmass all went well
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 30, 2016, 03:50:06 AM
Hey Christine :)

Ow for the pain part I think I changed my mind as I'm not really good with pain.

Fantastic that your mum and brothers have been good about it but in fairness I think you're a nice girl so y'know like everyone should just love you.

Dad's can be tricky. Never really talked to mine before and still not much after I got back. He is on board etc he's just not good at emotion stuff and seeing as he never really knew him or me it's gonna take time seeing as he's neither a talker nor hugger.

Older people can struggle wrapping their head around the most basic point "She's a girl!" whether it's a genital hang up or stereotypical expectations programmed into them it's hard to say. As I've recently found out though it is possible for the oldest manliest of men to open their eyes. Finally got a shot to talk to father and brother in law alone.... they can now both see me and only me.

Without knowing more about your dad or seeing him in the flesh for a couple of seconds to read him I can't really recommend which way to go. Safest approach would likely be you, him and your mum as her presence can help him think with her offering her feelings aloud to guide his.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 30, 2016, 04:09:02 AM
Actually rereading your post he sounds exactly like my dad lol. If that's the case he might surprise you when I came back after years with no warning and as me no less mine blew me away when he spoke (normally he'd never talk to me except to give me into trouble or the most basic of expected communication like hi & bye) and said "Like your mum said we've only ever wanted you to be happy".  Sharp enough to notice he hid a bit behind "we" but there was a glimmer of emotion from him when he said it which was really surprising.

You'll know better than I do but I suspect part of him will respect you more if you tell him personally. It also gives him a chance to judge your sincerity and measure you up in that way guys do.

Either way you've got your mum and brothers so if it does go badly he will be fixed via the family if need be.

Just wish I could pop over to Ireland to say hi so near yet so far.

So happy hear things are going well. What can I say I'm a worrier.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 30, 2016, 04:44:12 AM
Well he doesn't get on very well with my brothers, and him and my mum are baisicly seperated, they just live in the same house. They fight often, but I know mam would still deep down think things may change!.
I am the only child who gets on well enough that we talk almost normal.
The rest pretty much don't, he was very harsh to us all of our lives! :/ it sucks, I have rose above it and tried to keep a family.
Haha maybe someday If i have insurance sorted on my car, I can come over for a spin! Would love tour about England and Scotland too! :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 30, 2016, 04:54:26 AM
Aha that complicates things with your dad for sure. Looks like it's all or nothing really. His finding out will be inevitable but harsh as it may sound it's your call if  you think he's worth the effort.

If he cuts you off he basically loses what connection he still has with your family. Seems a no brainer they'd pick you over him if it came down to a direct choice.

Would certainly love to meet up sometime unfortunately I'm going to be skint (poor) for quite a while but by the time I have money again I'll be healed so win:win. If you're ever in Glasgow we can go out for a night on the town and you can crash at my place with a good breakfast cooked by yours truly ;) x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 30, 2016, 10:15:27 AM
I hope the offer for breakfast applies to us all Jerrica....   ;) ;)

It's great to hear that your family has been good Christine. That's just wonderful. i don't know about your dad but maybe he would surprise you. I think it's toughest telling people where you're not quite sure how they will react but you expect it may not be in the best way. You have come a long way and things have worked out. I'm sure things will only get better.  ;D

Like everything transitioning peoples experiences vary so much. I hope I'm more like you Jenny. just the occasional pain like it has been. But I really think I'm be more like Christine and my breasts are just going to hurt all the time. with the skin stretching and uh,, I don't want to think about it. I just want nice boobs. Which as I have said before I expect to get augmentation to get what I want.

I went to a psychic last night 'cause I ran into this girl I knew and liked just before Christmas.... and I was turning in to an emotional wreck.  So long story short this girl, according to the psychic, she is my soul mate and things are going to start to come together with her in the new year. She also said I would end up with D breasts although we couldn't get a clear answer as to whether they would be natural or implants. for that size I expect very much they will be implants. She said the hormones are working and it will be good. she also said that I would get surgery sooner then I expected. She kept getting october. but again couldn't get a clear answer if it was this coming October or the next... even October 2018 would be sooner then I expect but would give time for everything to happen....  I can't wait to see how things turn out. The one I saw has been dead on for what she told me before... So, I'm hoping she is right.  ;D ;D ;D I was told by another one that my surgery would be in an October... so...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 30, 2016, 10:55:51 AM
Welcome to breakfast anytime :)

Psychic thing sounds fun and hey who knows it could all happen. After all we can do anything.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 30, 2016, 01:59:36 PM
Ouch. Not sure I would want D's. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 30, 2016, 06:46:24 PM
breakfast sound great.... let me just get the jet fueled up.... hahahaha I wish. One day. I really want to to see Scotland and Ireland and England.... so eventually I will go. got some other things to take care of before I spend money on traveling...  ;D

I don't really want D's and I wouldn'y deliberately go for implants to make me that big. Maybe that will change with time. My forms are a C on me and I like them. I think it is a good size for my frame and not soo big they get in the way very much. I have played with some padding and got myself up to a D and I do like the way they look but they get in the way. it's amazing what that extra little bit makes. So, unless I change my mind there are two ways I can see it happening. 1) the doctor errors on the bigger side in the size of implant to make sure I get the C I'm after. 2) My breasts grow more after getting implants and I go from a C to a D. The latter I think is more likely 'cause if I have the money I won't wait as long as I probably should to get implants.

I'm kind of dreaming that I go to Montreal in October for bottom surgery and I get it done at the same time. I doubt that will happen but I don't want to jinx it either.  ;D who knows maybe the stars will align in my favor.

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 30, 2016, 07:07:27 PM
Anything can happen hon. Heck my surgery went from "I wish I could to Thailand some day" to ok it's in a couple of months.

As you say maybe the stars will align and you'll get what you want sooner. When open to opportunities they seem to present themselves more often.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 30, 2016, 11:44:54 PM
Question. Do you have to go through complete electrolysis down there before bottom surgery?  Electrolysis just sounds really painful so I am hesitant to do it. Not to mention it is very expensive too.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on December 31, 2016, 12:56:52 AM
the recommendation varies slightly from surgeon to surgeon. Dr Brassard in Montreal doesn't require it. i don't think any surgeon actually requires it. some do recommend doing a triangle from the base of the scrotum down to the anus and the base of the penis.  I think all or pretty much all the GRS/GCS surgeons cauterize any hairs to eliminate hair growth in the vaginal cavity. So personally I'm not that concerned about it. after surgery I'll worry about what's left. i don't have much after using my Tria.

Yes Electrolysis is expensive and if you can find one that will do it down there even more expensive.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 31, 2016, 03:38:55 AM
I had some done with laser and electrolysis before finding out Chet didn't need it.

Laser no probs just the occasional sting at tender spots.

With painkillers and EMLA cream electrolysis wasn't that bad but without either it's a pretty intense sensation.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on December 31, 2016, 06:21:18 PM
Happy New Year girls. Time to get ridiculously drunk. See y'all tomorrow-ish ;) 

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on December 31, 2016, 06:24:41 PM
Happy New year Jerrica!! And the rest of you wherever you are girls, enjoy the celebrations!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on December 31, 2016, 10:11:53 PM
Will celebrate in the morning. Happy New Year to you all. Good night.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on January 01, 2017, 01:01:54 AM
Happy New year's ladies!!!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 01, 2017, 02:15:15 PM
Happy new years girls. I'm looking forward to a great 2017.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 01, 2017, 02:16:39 PM
Happy New Year and 2017 is gonna be epic :) x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 02, 2017, 07:59:50 PM
Ever heard of the Kinsey scale for sexuality scores?

Been curious about my own recent occasional interest in guys so ofc screwing around online playing with tests for fun seeing as I can't exactly go experimenting atm. Putting no stock in any of it but it's fun.

So anyway as I understand it the say 0=Hetero and 6=Homo from a male perspective. Given I'm not male I'd figure the scores should be flipped.

Interestingly despite my musings I got a 0 which would make me 100% lesbian.

Guess I'll need to wait until I'm fixed then go find out directly.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on January 02, 2017, 09:05:56 PM
Lol Jerrica!!! Everybody is bi....


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on January 02, 2017, 09:06:24 PM
(To a degree)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 02, 2017, 09:08:27 PM
I consider myself a lesbian since I feel I am a woman and prefer women. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on January 02, 2017, 09:12:46 PM
I have always enjoyed anal, but also prefer women, but, there is an element of bisexuality in everyone..... I'm not even attracted to men.... Really....

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 02, 2017, 09:14:00 PM
I have no interest in men.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 03, 2017, 01:02:48 AM
I agree everyone has the potential for bi in a don't knock it it til you've tried it kinda way but are generally programmed to resist massively and almost unconsciously.

The memories I have been able to access only ever fixated on women and for sex stuff lesbian women at that. Couldn't even process the thought of hetro in anything but a clinical manner. Perhaps an extension of my brains own tiny rebellion against the body to refuse to be stimulated by anything involving male anatomy maybe just the dodgy wiring. Either way it used to seriously wig us out. Receiving oral was almost traumatic even though I couldn't explain it apart from by being a freak ofc.

Thus far I'm not sexually engaged in any way a hug and kiss has been max interaction with anyone (including myself lol) since Oct'15. So it's not a very high bar for a relationship with a guy to reach the same level as my marriage right now which is interesting to say the least. Could just be on an emotional level or need to feel safe but my spidersense says it might be more.

Suppose until I'm fixed and grow up enough to fantasise I won't really know but as I now have no actual programming I am open to everything I guess. Just now I'm a total party girl though always dying to get dolled up, go out, drink and dance til dawn for which a part of that isn't me hunting but wanting to be hunted!!!

It's really funny how different I am when I compare what others expect of me after knowing him for decades that nothing should surprise me.

Ah well time to grab my gear and drag my fat ass to the gym for 07.30 to start work on my 2017 bikini body ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 03, 2017, 01:43:17 AM
I'm like Jenny I identify totally as a lesbian. While I have been with a few men in the past. I never enjoyed it and frankly could never figure out why I did it. Now I think that in my own twisted heterosexual way that it was my way of being a women. 'cause you know women are with men.  I've thought about it since starting transitioning and have even thought of trying to meet some men and just couldn't bring myself to do it. I generally don't find men attractive and certainly not in any kind of sexual way. I just don't really have any interest in it and I'm sure that won't change.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 03, 2017, 09:54:13 AM
Our minds can be far cleverer than we ever realised.

I'm currently fascinated by my own interest in possibilities. Much like the rest of you I was 100% sure I was interested in women only yet despite that I also seem to be dead set on full SRS instead of my original cosmetic choice which is an interesting combo to say the least. I mean don't get me wrong I know I've changed a lot since I got back and started growing up but I kinda figured that side or me was set in stone.

The only selling point for full SRS to me remains the chance of full on penetrative sex with someone which surprises the hell out of me given what I thought I knew about me. Financially not a big difference but the time commitment to maintain my new vag is insanely huge which means my need must be far greater to be prepared to do it. Thus far life without sexual activity has been good so like why mess with it at all is a good question. Suppose it could be for completeness in so far as I should be able to do anything the same as any other woman except bear children.

Psych side: Perhaps the desire to keep options open is simply a result of my insecurities with my wife combined with the desire to be desired.

Fun and frustrating being your own shrink at times.

Either way it looks like my world is potentially getting a little more complicated once I remove the sex block in my mind. The 9th of Feb can't come quick enough...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 03, 2017, 12:02:43 PM
Yes, I will admit that I do know people that have changed their preference as they got further into their transition. One trans-woman I know said that she just simply wanted to be the woman in the relationship. So who knows. You never know how life will go until you get further down the road towards true womanhood.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 04, 2017, 12:07:36 AM
HI girls,
   I'm with you on the vaginal penetration Jerrica... I do want that option at least that's how I feel at the moment. Although I strongly believe that it won't ever be by a man. perhaps a SO with a strap on or maybe a trans girl but that's about it. I read a sex study once and it found that the majority of lesbian respondents said they never had sex with vaginal penetration.  But who knows everything the future might bring. I know trans women change their orientation some times but I don't see it happening for me. I once thought of myself as Bi or maybe Bi-curious. Now that I've starting transitioning I no longer do. I completely identify as a lesbian.

As you've probably seen on FB I saw the gender Psychiatrist. It went great. he's going to do a referral for me to another Psychiatrist to confirm the gender Dysphoria. It takes two letters for funding and surgery here. Then I will see him again after that. I also need to get the psychologist I saw to write a letter of what she did with me and her findings or whatever.  He said to apply to the government for funding I have to have 1 yr of real life experience that's documented. I'm hoping I will be able to go from the date I first saw the Psychologist and when I asked him he said possibly. Even if we go from when I changed my name and gender markers. I could start the process of applying for funding sooner then later. So, her letter is pretty important.

The other thing(s) I got from him is two carry letters and also a letter to update my passport. One carry letter is a short 1 or 2 line thing and the other is a paragraph that just says more about me being transgender and that I'm transitioning. I got so emotional standing there as he signed the letters I almost started to cry. It's super exciting.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 04, 2017, 11:41:45 AM
Yeah options kinda sums it up y'know like if they offered us bluetooth and Dolby 5.1 we'd probably take it as even though we might not use it just now we might some day.

Great news with the psych and sorry to hear bout the car.
Fingers crossed for as early a recorded date as possible lucky you have your paper trail to nail them down if they get sneaky.

I don't really know about the carry letter thing but glad you've got them anyway.

Yay you  ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 04, 2017, 11:51:35 AM
I'm still questioning myself over full tbh and my bottom line keeps coming back to just keeping options open.

Realistically I kinda have to as even after an on the spot chat with SO about why I'm doing full there was no real response. In fairness even if she then pledged her undying love etc I'd still be getting full as I wouldn't believe her and she knows she'd be lying too. That said she was as honest as she can be which is to say she has no idea how things are going to turn out and none of us can do better than that right now. We might stay together but she's 100% straight apparently (talked a good lesbian game in the past so that kinda caught me out) so y'know it's complicated at best.

Suppose I'm still intimidated at the time cost to my life of dilating forever versus never having to.
Does anyone really dilate just for pleasure?
Even an hour a week would be 52 hours which is losing more than 2 days a year (3 and a quarter days if only awake for 16 hours).

I've heard legends of it being a pleasure rather than a chore which is tempting yet scary in itself.
I still remember being possessed by the animal need to get off in order to get back into my head for a short period of time.
Maybe I'm scared of craving sexual stimulation like that again in which case I'll pass. Hell I can't even resist junk food at least with sex not on the menu there's nothing to resist lol.

Think I might have to do something really really silly and try to remove the last mind block before I go to Thailand to do some tests and get some answers.

Ok that's too scary - Less dangerous I'm going to trawl the net for champions of cosmetic for information.

Basically so far I reckon it's sex with guys equals full as all guys gotta do what they do.
Don't imagine having a proper relationship with a guy without them having sex.
At the risk of being crude from their standpoint if they can't screw you you're not a real woman to them.

Despite a massive library of lesbian porn in my head I can't really think of any intimacy with another woman either.
Could be a side effect of the block as even "reviewing" stuff in my head I don't even flicker.

Sigh - I'm going in circles again with full being safest it has to be the choice.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Dena on January 04, 2017, 04:02:34 PM
Dilation is about half an hour a session once you are down to one dilator. About 5 minutes prep time, 20 minutes in the act and 5 minutes clean up time. Some get by with dilation once very two or three week however i maintain a weekly schedule so I don't get them spaced out to much. I was a bad girl and missed dilation for 10 years but all it took was several weeks of twice weekly to get things back in shape. 
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 04, 2017, 04:25:55 PM
Thanks Dena. I find the 10 year gap with your speedy recovery in a matter of weeks particularly reassuring. I remember you had told me before I could just stop but the speed of restoration is impressive I had guessed months of slow work to do it.

So if I were to dilate religiously for say the first year to ensure proper healing then theoretically at least I could just stop if I'm not "using" it.

If my position then changed I could safely restore it to full working order in say a month or so with no harm done.

That would render the long term maintenance as optional making the initial time cost like the financial one just a shortish term imposition.

This reduces the fear of the "do it forever just in case" approach and the fear of being trapped.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Dena on January 04, 2017, 05:26:12 PM
I suspect it might be somewhat determined by the procedure as I had a good old fashion PI surgery which is pretty durable. Graft and other variations may require more careful care. One procedure perforates the skin for maximum depth and because it's more likely to form scar tissue, it may require more dilation to maintain depth.  Also I was a good girl for about 20 years before I went bad. I suspect it might take 2-3 years to be relatively sure your surgery is stable but you could gradually lengthen out the time period to see what your body requires. For example, work it out to 2 weeks, 3 weeks and then once a month and see if that's sufficient.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 05, 2017, 01:56:06 AM
Hi Dena thanks for popping into our little thread again.  ;D ;D

I think there's so many variables like everything else in transitioning. I don't think I would use one persons experience to gauge how my body would react. As you say experiment and see what works for you.  I would give it lots of healing time before I started messing with the doctors recommendations though. A girl I know who recently had it and is still sore and it's been almost two months. I haven't really searched to see what people recovery times were after. I'll have to do that when I have more time.

oh on the changes front I'm definitely seeing some changes in my breasts now. I've been accumulating more fat on my chest for, I dunno, the last couple weeks for sure. I haven't really been paying that much attention to it as my chest was still pretty flat. I just noticed today though that my nipples are slightly raised now.  And just 'cause I like to 'cause myself pain - not really. I just gently squeezed my chest on both sides and it hurt like a MOFO. So, yeah, they are definitely getting more sensitive.  I also got a crazy pain in my right breast earlier today. Luckily it didn't last long.

Ok I've just been scrutinizing my chest and wholly cow man. There's a hug difference between the height of my nipple and just below. So out of curiosity I measured my chest. it's up 1 cm since I measured it to get my starting measurements working out a couple days ago. I'm so excited. I know it's just 1 cm but it's the first one and it means things are changing for real!!! ***jumps up and down with excitement*** 

I was ready to go to bed an hour ago but now I'm soo excited I 'm not going to be able to sleep.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 05, 2017, 03:42:25 AM
Thanks Dena as you say it will definitely be a body listening exercise.

Hopefully once it's done I'll like it etc therefore like every other maintenance task I have I'll just get on with it.

Great news Sarah. That is some rapid results for sure.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 05, 2017, 10:55:43 AM
Sarah, be careful jumping up and down with excitement. When they bounce, they hurt like heck. :) I noticed that coming down the stairs a while back. You know when you go down really fast and they bounce. Ouch!  :) :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 05, 2017, 08:57:31 PM
LOL Jenny, yes I will be careful and try not to 'cause myself too much pain. on that note. my chest has been sore all day and my arms have been killing me. i couldn't move them around that much 'cause they hurt so much. then suddenly a little earlier this evening they suddenly didn't hurt as much. still a little sore though. seems like the weirdest thing. I expected my chest to hurt but I didn't think it would go up my arms. Although it makes sense with the way those muscles run. I hope this doesn't become a regular occurrence though.  ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 05, 2017, 09:20:02 PM
My arms hurt too. They get real tired when I am blowing my hair. That could be the muscle mass decreasing though. So much pain but in the end it is worth every minute to make my body into what it was meant to be in the first place.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 05, 2017, 11:56:12 PM
Yeah I keep joking with myself. Puberty sucks.. why am I doing it again?? But it will be worth every minute in the end. I'm not really complaining about it (the pain) but I'm not enjoying it either. I do love seeing the changes in my chest though. I'm pretty sure I made a comment about it a while back when I first noticed it. not really a measurable change but my face has rounded out over the last few months. my cheek bones and my chin are much softer. haven't really noticed any changes in my skin but that's a little tougher for me to judge on myself.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 06, 2017, 05:13:24 AM
The whole pain thing sounds horrible tbh but pain is a price we're all willing to pay to get what we want.
At least the pain can be reassuring that things are happening.

Big news for me - I got almost all of my memories back last night Total Recall style complete with the mother of all headaches for my trouble. Almost expected my eyes to bleed and head to explode scanners style it was seriously intense.

I'd been poking around for ages as you know and finally found them including sex stuff.
Steam rooms are great for thinking and I was in it for hours doing just that then KAPOW massive influx of memories. Spent a long time in the steam room processing them working my way through MY life in stages and even found the emotional stream (limited but they were there) on them making them a lot more real and mine.

Glad to know I had a pretty good life and was actually a good person. I had feared remembering what I expected to be some other bad persons life but it was still mine. Bit messed up due to T in my system although I didn't know it then but I did bloody well with what I had. My base values and desires were all there just didn't have the hardware to back it up.

It's nice to have them back as it no longer feels like I was simply missing for those years. That totally blows my split personality out of the water but I'm ok with that so there was only ever one me although T did mess me up but that's no different that someone on alcohol or drugs (well apart from not having a choice). Standard gender dysphoria history throughout ofc nothing special.

As for the original "Why or how did I lose them?" I don't have a clue the old theories still hold with physical or psychological but we'll never know for sure and I don't care anymore now I have them lol

Still a few chunks of years missing which I'm working on but I really could do with a few days sleep first as I'm mentally and emotionally drained from it.

Have to work though so.......... /sigh
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 06, 2017, 12:51:13 PM
WOW that is great Jerrica. It's almost strange that they would just come back like that. it sounds like it might've been some kind of mental block like you say. who knows but it's gotta be nice to remember things. I have a terrible time remembering and processing things. usually they way I remember a lot of things is if something reminds me of it. It's something I should work on.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 06, 2017, 05:34:34 PM
It is a relief tbh as I had no idea what I'd forgotten I naturally feared the worst. With the way they felt then went away it really did leave me feeling like someone else moving out of my body as I moved in.

My mum always tells me things happen for a reason even when I first told her about my memory loss.

Thinking about it I suppose I had to lose my memory to allow me to have a truly fresh start. Pretty sure if I had retained my memories they would have changed my development as previous decisions and history would had to have had an impact on me.

I definitely grew up a lot differently this time to the way I was before but in good ways. I'm sociable, optimistic, empathetic and extroverted. A polar opposite to how I was due to growing up on T.

Maybe now I'm grown up enough I've been given them back. The memories themselves though seem to have been improved they are much clearer and involved with much more in them than I remember remembering previously even the emotional channel is there albeit very different I can relate to them. Like I joked on my other thread it's like the remastered version in HD with Dolby and directors commentary.

I figured I got lucky when I lost my memories and stand by it (even though it only lasted a year) to be one of the best and coolest things ever to be given tabula rasa.

Just when I think my life is reaching its best ever state the gods add some more awesomeness to the mix :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 09, 2017, 01:18:19 AM
Hey girls just thought I would say hi. I hope you all had a great weekend.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 09, 2017, 05:35:18 AM
Hey Sarah! :)
I haven't been on much since the holidays, but I'm back at work in Switzerland now.
It was fun holiday, but it was tough on me and I'm sure my family who know about me too. We talked ALOT, they wher definitly great about it all though. But it is definitly difficult for them too, and me too, its hard to put them thorugh it all! :/
Anyway hopefully things get back to normal now, Friday I have my next lasser session, the first one reduced allot of my facial hair, its patchy already!
Tons had just fallen out and came back blonde, but they did eventually turn black again, thank god!
Nearly 6 months on HRT too, and I have become super emotional with films and anything that stirs emotions!
Hopefully my changes keep coming too, its been slow and steady so far, and I see my endo next in May.
I haven't had much peace either to be myself as ther is another guy living again with us, this has been a very difficult aspect of my transition so far, and has really pushed for alot of patience, but it won't last forever, I would hate to have to leave work based on people he keeps throwing into the appartment.
He knows its no good to have everyone living together like this, but he keeps doing it. No peace to relax and be yourself its really horibble, even disregarding the trans thing :/
Anyway enough of the downer.
I hope you all got on well over the holidays.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 09, 2017, 08:06:59 AM
Amazing to hear how fast your laser is working.

I was blessed/cursed with mostly light facial hair. Sparse but immune to laser.
Still getting electrolysis for 3h weekly but I'm getting the soft blondes removed too so will take a wee bit longer.
At least I've got past having to shave my face once a week but my eyes are wickedly good so I snag on the tiniest of hairs.

Switzerland just sounds like a fun place to be.

Emotions are awesome I do enjoy a good weepy once in a while.

Work situ with the guy sound annoying but overall things seem to be going well for you.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 10, 2017, 11:26:06 PM
Hi girls,
  that's great things are going good for you christine. I'm so happy to hear you've talked to some of your family about this. It's a big but important step, I think.

hmmm I'm so tired I can't think of much else to write. take care girls. talk to you soon
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 13, 2017, 07:07:50 AM
Been a wild week and a world changing night last night.

Ok ultra short version - My wife and I are going to be ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Both had some mega breakthroughs last night. It's amazing what a wee snuggle and chat in bed can accomplish. All shields and BS down we let our bodies talk to each other instead of our brains and voices. Nothing heavy or sexual but stripped to my knickers and invited her into bed for a hug. My logic being everything outside my underwear I'm ok with and it should be enough for her to find out if she can connect with me physically. First few seconds she basically made herself do it as her impulses were screaming "run away!!!" but once in my arms she melted as we connected without words and for the first time in a long time I could feel everything is going to be ok. We both felt a lot better and slept well. The good feelings were still there in the morning and I could feel the tension between us was simply gone just like that.

With my world stabilising my fears of being alone or having to go try to find a replacement soulmate are gone.

I have that much faith I have also changed my surgery option to cosmetic as I have discovered I don't have a sex block (or any other blocks left) in my head I'm just honestly not interested in sex and neither is she. My choice for full surgery was at significant cost to me for the benefit of others so really was a bad idea for me. It's not the first misguided decision I've made but again I've been lucky enough to avert disaster rechoosing my path. Might not be a popular choice but yeah I'm defo back as I was with the cosmetic option.

So I get to keep my world as it is and have an amazing future with no imposition beyond taking my hormones with my vitamins forever which is really cool.

I love being me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on January 13, 2017, 09:46:40 AM
Yay!!! I'm glad you guys are able to get past this!!! It takes a strong relationship for sure!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 13, 2017, 09:55:14 AM
Glad to hear things are working out Jerrica. Nothing new here. Talk later. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 14, 2017, 02:31:41 PM
Hey girls,

that's really great Jerrica. I'm glad things are working out for you.

I don't have much to share. but i have started noticing these smooth bald patches all over my body. I love it. I have heard that body hair can become more patchy from hormones. definitely excited to be seeing that now. the hair on my head is also getting softer. which seems weird to me. I don't understand why that happens. i can see new hair growing differently but existing hair changing seems strange.

I've been going to the gym and am definitely feeling it. i did legs yesterday and they are still sore. it suddenly seems strange to me that i'm working out. More because most trans girls want to lose muscle and I'm building it. hehehe I've just never been particularly muscular and I don't want to lose the muscle mass I do have. I also want to tone up and burn some belly fat. Building muscle is one of the best ways to reduce body fat.  :D  Diet alone hasn't been doing enough for me this last year.  >:(
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 14, 2017, 03:00:10 PM
Hey Sarah!! Thats great you are noticing changes already,i haven't noticed changes in mine to be honest, not texture anyway, new baby hairs in areas, but not a change in texture. Maybe it is you looking after it more or better now as a woman?
And as for the gym if you are feeling sore, its working. Keep squating and working on legs, tighten the waist and the two combine will really help for wour ratios! :)
I will hopefully try be more active this year too. So good physicly an mentaly.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 14, 2017, 03:14:59 PM
Hey girls. Good to hear all the good news. Interesting. I can't say I have noticed any change in body hair. I shave most of my body anyway. It is possible I don't have to shave as often except my face and chest. I shave both daily. I think I might be about done with laser on my face. Problem is I have way too much grey and it takes much time and effort to get a close shave. I am thinking I need to start on electrolysis soon although I am not sure I can afford it. It is much more than laser. The only real dark hairs I see on my face is on my upper lip. Wish it would go away. I was at a GIC meeting the other night and a friend that I had not seen recently said my face has softened and rounded. I don't see it but it was nice of her to mention it. My head hair is also continuing to grow. So nice not having to deal with the wig. Had a funny situation the other day at the grocery store. I passed a mother with her child in the cart. When I got to the other side of the isle, I heard the kid ask his mom "Was that a boy or a girl?"  I heard her mom tell her kid not to be rude. I saw them again shortly after and I said to the mom that it is ok. She said kids say the darnedest things. It really doesn't bother me when it is a child. They don't know any better anyway. Talk to you girls later. Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 14, 2017, 04:05:44 PM
I've never had a lot of body hair. even facial hair I think I had much less then the average guy. So it doesn't take much for me to notices it when there is less. especially when the 15 hairs I have in an area disappear leaving nice smooth skin. It's great. yeah I have a friend that always point out how my face has changed. still not dramatically but I will get there.

it funny you mention the kids I've had a couple younger kids like 4 or 5 say "that girl kind of looks like a boy" I think it's funny. I can't wait for the day that no longer happens. but just the same. at least they gender me correctly in the first place.  ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 14, 2017, 04:52:43 PM
Fun when you cross that invisible line to being physically more female than male in the mix. Young kids give the best validation in the end if a kid cold reads you as girl you've made it as most of them haven't been PC programmed yet so they are still honest and call you as they see you.

It's fun when you end up not just not thinking about gender at all. It gets like nobody else is thinking about it so why am I.

Depending on your muscle/fat balance strength training can give excellent results by directly increasing your BMR.

I'm screwed though as I'm eating all kinds of crap washed down with lots of alcopops tonight. Diet starts again on Monday ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 15, 2017, 12:40:57 AM
Its funny, I really don't see any differences in my face yet, I know HRT is working as ther are other signs.
My big long horse head just doesn't seem to change :@
When june july comes and I go to the lake I have to be ready for it, I'm still dreading all of this drama
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 15, 2017, 02:19:02 AM
Yeah, kids definitely give the most unbiased response to your pass-ability. things are moving along so just more time. honestly I'm not feeling a whole lot different the last few days. my emotions seem to have stabilized. My breast have eased up and aren't hurting. so, I think of it as progress. My body is adjusting to the new normal, I think.

My hair is feeling sooo much softer today. it's incredible. I love it.

I watched this video on you tube on how to get abs... and it was the first video that wasn't all about ab exercises, diet etc. the guy said to build muscle through out the body to reduce your body fat %. He said a lot of people neglect their legs and those are the largest muscles in your body. i did a great leg workout yesterday and my legs are still killing me. which I'm not going to lie I find it really annoying but it also means I did something. So, it should be worth it in the end.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 15, 2017, 03:19:15 AM
Yeah like you said defined abs is all down to body fat % which is funny as most people usually think strong abs. So they end up over training which can make them kinda oversized if they ever do manage to lower their body fat. Wonder how much Chet charges for liposuction and tummy tuck? Did I ever mention I suck at waiting lol.

Jun - July for swimsuit season?
Gonna be hard to keep me out my swimsuit once I'm healed. Then the pressure is really on to get my body to bikini class which is gonna take a lot of work but it's an awesome incentive.

Ah the new normal. Good way to put it and sums it up nicely. Glad your mind and body are stabilising.

Uh oh major scariness I just remembered I need to stop my meds this Friday!!!!!
Urgh that's not going to be fun.

Back to fun stuff sexy dreams tippy toeing into my sleep last night and I got woke up just after 3rd base!!!!! Seriously universe WTH finally getting onto the good stuff and get woke up I could screamed. Then again I might have screamed for more fun reasons if I got to stay in my dream Mwahahaha.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 15, 2017, 03:50:33 AM
Oh i need to be tight for it! I want people to see me properly!! :')

And Jerrica, are you not planning on having a Cervix created?? I can't remember did I read this or what your final decsion was on the mater?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 15, 2017, 05:46:56 AM
Yeah I'm set on cosmetic only and feeling a lot more settled about the decision. Feels so good to not have to worry about dilation ever. As I understand it there will be a very shallow depth created of an inch or so making it look the same to anyone that's not trying to penetrate me. Still have a sensate clitoris and ability to orgasm so masturbation and oral will be there.

It's true it basically takes guys off the table but they were only ever a "maybe  someday" whereas women have always been a definite.

After messing about with dating thoughts and groups to meet people testing myself my sexual identity remains unchanged which is good to know as even I was starting to wonder as it had been so long since I last seriously entertained the notion of a new partner.

Could be argued that I'll change my mind someday and I'll be first to admit anythings possible given the past year.

Decided my dilation time would be a commitment to failure by investing so much energy into plan B before plan A had failed it'd be a self fulfilling prophecy. A daily display of my commitment to separate would have ended my marriage eventually. The only way I'd ever end up justifying my decision would have been to focus on getting a guy then praise myself on my foresight.  Pretty messed up huh.

This way I simply live my life the way I want to and give it my all. I might not learn fast but I get there in the end.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 15, 2017, 06:00:33 AM
It makes perfect sense then so.
My problem for me is it would help so much with any sort of body issues I have down ther, so I would have to go all the way.
Even though I have a GF, I would still feel more complete with the whole hog, though like you the dilation thing does bother me and so does the recovery and invasiveness of it all!, :/
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 15, 2017, 06:28:46 AM
Can defo understand the whole hog option and ofc it's a decision that we'll all have to make eventually. As you can see from my posts here I've been everywhere with it but in the end there's no right or wrong just right or wrong for us.

Some know and stick with it then there's others like me that think it to death then think about it some more. It's exhausting but there is a satisfaction in knowing I have given it that level of thought given the consequences on both sides of the choice.

Ironically part of me felt dilation would make me end up feeling less real instead of more as well as the inconvenience ofc. I like to think about my life after surgery and probably unsurprisingly it's the actually the exact same as now but with a greater choice of clothing available and no fear of exposure ever again. Having to spend so many hours on my back for the rest of my life doing what born women (generally) don't have to really didn't sit well with me.

I might be high maintenance at times but I'm a simple lassie at heart with a lot of living to do.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 15, 2017, 08:50:38 AM
Personally, if and when I do have surgery (thinking more and more about it) I would go all the way too. If I get it done, I want to be complete.

No idea if my hair feels any softer. When I started, I barely had any. I had short hair for most of my male life. So much nicer having hair now though. I love it even though it takes more work in the mornings. My girl's pain comes and goes. Sometimes it really painful but other times I don't notice it. I keep telling them, Keep growing!  :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 15, 2017, 10:23:24 AM
The only thing that puts me off is the risks and potential complications!
I would guess though astheticaly, the type you are going for may be better?
I will be using mine so I need it :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 15, 2017, 10:44:36 AM
Aesthetics should both be the same with much of the process being identical. There may be a bit more wiggle room for aesthetics as there would be no internal structure to compromise.

If planning to use it then it's a no brainer ofc. In my case the odds of use are too small to balance out the imposition.

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 19, 2017, 09:36:41 PM
Hey girls just thought I would post a short update. I got my appointment for the second opinion Feb 15. So, that is super exciting. means I can keep my appointment at the gender clinic for April. I'm really hoping to have my application for funding off by the summer.  ;D ;D

No notable changes to mention. My emotions have settled down which is nice.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 19, 2017, 11:31:59 PM
Hey Sarah, thats good news, and nice to hear your emotions have calmed.
I have had a few changes this last while, my beans are real small, I do hope they keep growing. They can't even fill an AA lol. :/
The only change that has been consistent is the corners of my hairline, they are fading away! Hair just keeps growing forward :3
I am six months on full dose and beans are always sore, just hope they keep growing! :3
I hope t get an Orchi sorted after my vist to the Endo in may!
Fingers crossed
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 20, 2017, 12:20:47 AM
Hey christine... that's exciting I read that between 6 and 12 months is when breast growth starts to speed up. I only read it once and haven't really done any more research but sounds promising.

An orchi would be great. it would be so nice not to have to take blockers. You can also lower your estrogen dose so  reduction in risk of side affects. I've been told that if you get an orchi here they won't pay for bottom surgery for 3 years after. I'm hoping for surgery next year so i can wait.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 20, 2017, 03:33:12 AM
Good news for the appointments Sarah and fingers crossed for funding.

So good to hear about your hair and breast changes Christine. It's one thing I haven't really looked into is hairline stuff tbh but sounds great. IIRC it's one of the bonuses of being young enough so enjoy :)

My SRS basically came about as I was researching private orchi then was like "Oh for X more I can just do it all". Swiftly followed by "OMG I can do this!!!!!"

I've borrowed a lot but I'll be debt free again by the end of the year and be all healed up too so good times.

Might be worth doing SRS over orchi if you can make it work but if you've got a system that'll let you do it all then awesome. I'm sure you've already thought it all to death but just in case.

Today is my last day on Spiro ever and no more E until 4th of March when my plane touches down in Glasgow.

I'm gonna go out with a bang; one last big night out while I'm still100% me as once T is back in my system I'm going to be a bit less me for a while at best.

With my T count being zero right now I'm hoping it'll have to reach a certain level to mess me up so buy me some time but considering T is stronger than E and the ability to dream was restored in 3 days in theory I could lose them again but faster. I imagine all the delicate beautiful crystal sculptures as my neural pathways and T as a great big wrecking ball. Yeah I'm scared. Very scared. As you know if my meds were interrupted my original contingency plan was death before T could take hold so it's a big thing for me. I've prepared my mind as much as I can and I'll get through it but might be a bumpy ride.

Absolutely no idea what the next 18 days will bring but after my op I shouldn't have to worry about T ever again so I'll take whatever is coming.

Pretty sure I'll be a "whiney posterior'ed female dog" my censor friendly version of my wife's diagnosis of me when I'm upset but it'll be worth it.

Ah visions of spa days with full body massage and more. I feel better already.

x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 20, 2017, 05:34:47 AM
Yea but its been pretty misrable the last few months, I just hope they keep going. I really don't like the thought of having to get a breast Aug :/
Its scarry bussiness for you Jerrica, this coming of tge T blockers and E, I can't really understand why we have to come of em before surgery, it sucks.
Thank god its the weekend.
I have new extensions coming, a company offered them to my gf and she picked them in my colour! She blogs
Can't wait till they arive :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 20, 2017, 06:01:31 AM
Sorry to hear of your miserable spell and hope everything kicks up a notch to make up for it.

Breasts I'll give mine another year to see how it goes.
For now I'm happy with them but would prefer a bra without that wee bit of padding while keeping the same size.
Should be ok as everything else has just fallen into place but it's that way I don't want to be too complacent.

Just out of speech therapy doing the frequency test thing my highs and consistency are spot on and my lows are in the shared male/female range so that's better news than expected. In all honesty I don't really pay attention to my voice but it is still changing as the exercises just bleed into my voice it's so cool. Expect them to drift into female/female soon enough but either way but having my voice classed as female/neutral is awesome.

Hair extensions sound fun but despite loads of people suggesting them I've never done it.
I can almost touch my lip with my fringe and my hair is long enough to need me to take it out of my tops or having it stuck inside. Happy days still need the shorter bits to catch up with the long ones but hair band and hairspray and I'm good to go.

Yeah stopping my meds sucks I think it's just being overly cautions as my E is in the normal female range so wouldn't have expected any higher risk of DVT or any problems than any other woman. None the less to get what I want I'll do what I'm told and by my birthday I should be back to normal hormonally and surgically.

After today there is only 1 more Friday in Scotland for me preop.....
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 20, 2017, 06:25:04 AM
The voice sesssions sound great!
I have to start.
Oh extensions are class.
My hair is already 12-15" long
Between my shoulder blades or just below
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 20, 2017, 06:41:34 AM
Wow - Love it <3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 20, 2017, 03:54:03 PM
Would love to have hair like you. It's getting there though. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 20, 2017, 04:23:35 PM
The reason you need to stop taking the meds is because of the risk of blood clots. Last thing you want is a blood clot during or post surgery. there is also a risk of blood clots just from the General Anesthetic. So, it's all about reducing risks.

WOW, I'm so excited for you Jerrica. It seems like its come so fast. i can barely imagine how you are feeling.

It's funny 'cause I vaguely recall reading a while back that usually you resume taking blockers after surgery for a few weeks because of the testosterone that is in your system. But the couple of girls I've talked to about it said they didn't take them after surgery. it will drop but the blockers stop it from doing anything until the levels drop. Although the thing I read said to talk to your endo about it and the girls I talked to never did. They just said the surgeon never said anything about it. I suppose it won't do much damage if you don't take them after surgery but I like the idea of limiting the affect it can have while my body gets rid of what T's floating around in my blood.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 20, 2017, 09:57:14 PM
Well I do have 100s left so easy enough to take them for a bit just in case.

The E and clotting part almost makes sense if it wasn't for the fact that born women can fly and have surgery without having to purge their E. So if our E is in the normal female range it shouldn't really pose a risk. Normally I'd argue and ask questions but in this particular. instance I'll just do what I'm told to get what I want.

Major news for me I got hit on in the lesbian bar and she was most definitely my type. Even better news my SO was with me and had opened up big time before it so I didn't pursue the other lady but still totally stoked that she was interested enough in me to try while I'm sitting with someone.

Just had a fab night with SO like you wouldn't believe. We drank, we danced, we made out then did it all again lots if times. Such an unexpected and insanely good night for us both.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 20, 2017, 10:51:04 PM
I think the difference is cis-women's estrogen is natural. Ours is drug induced.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Dena on January 20, 2017, 11:13:10 PM
DVTs are a real surgical risk for anybody because of the extended bed rest after surgery. For most I suspect the risk is relatively low because I spent 6 days on my back and sides without any issues. However the risk is great enough that they put the air powered leggings on anybody recovering from surgery today. Even after my voice surgery were I was in bed less than 8 hours, I had the leggings on for several hours.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 20, 2017, 11:31:02 PM
That's really awesome and totally flattering Jerrica. But really great things are coming together with Your SO.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on January 21, 2017, 05:40:34 AM
I had the same leggings on after my gall bladder surgery and that was long before I started my transition. 


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 21, 2017, 04:39:44 PM
I'm not going to over analyse the hormone thing tbh I'm just just going to do it :)

Yeah it was a fab night for sure. Spent a small fortune but so much fun and getting along so well with SO that getting hit on by another gorgeous woman was just the icing on the cake.

So good to have the answer to "Can she love me the way I need it?" the answer is "You bet your ass she can!!!". Mmmmm she left me feeling so amazing  words don't do it justice.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 24, 2017, 05:54:02 AM
Into my 4th day without meds and I can definitely feel it now.

So subtle but so obvious to me (now that I've noticed it) it's like a gentle static with a radio being turned ever so slightly off the station. Enough to mess with my focus as I subconsciously try to keep out the noise out of my mind. A dissonance creeping into my neurological systems that I can feel throughout my entire body. Everything infinitesimally less real as my body starts rewiring me again. This is one of the few times I really hate being hypersensitive and so aware of every little thing especially as I know what's happening this time and why.

My voice has destabilised. Whether it's a sore throat coincidence or something else I do not know but at this point in time it feels like someone swapped my voicebox when I was sleeping. I still speak with the same patterns but the sounds are wrong feeling lower and gravelly. If I focus hard and tune out everything else I can still access it but given it requires me to stop moving, close my eyes and centre myself before and during speaking it's not really a solution.

Don't get me wrong I expected to feel something coming off them but figured it would take longer and be less physical y'know maybe mood or emotions taking a beating but this isn't fair.

There's nothing I can do except wait it out. In 16 days the source will be gone forever and the T will steadily deplete while I'm away. I've not even left yet but I'm dying to get back home for my E.

Apart from that just feeling tired and a bit more "don't care" which is crappy but manageable.

This is not going to be fun but I will get through it.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 24, 2017, 06:53:56 PM
Hey Jerrica, I have stumbled upon something you might be interested in. that's the use of GnRH analogues to reduce Testosterone. Normally they are used to stop puberty in children but I just read something that they are sometimes used when trans girls have to stop taking meds for surgery. I don't know if you have time to get it. You would of course have to check with chett's office to make sure you could take them. They are also only available as injections and implants so they tend to be a little pricey. They are listed in the Standards of care as a means to reducing testosterone. it's definitely something I will have to think about when I get closer to surgery.  :D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 24, 2017, 07:15:19 PM
Hey hon thanks for looking into it but with the time I have left even if it was allowed there wouldn't be enough to make a difference especially with time to import from Vanuatu.

I pretty sure I'll survive but knowing what is happening to me is horrible though I guess I'd rather be aware of it than not. A cruel reminder of how I was before when it happened the first time but worse as I fear I'll lose what I gained through E rather than just think I'm growing up.

Bright side - 15 days to go now another 1 down ;)

If it comes to it I think I can project my mind back into a game or put myself to sleep but if I do that I'll miss out on enjoying my family for the next 8 days as well as not doing anything useful like work or pack so I guess it's not a real option yet.

With everything else being so easy so far it looks like I'm finally getting something difficult.
Just need to remind myself this is temporary and treat it like an illness getting through 1 day at a time.
Still excited and looking forward to it all but yeah I guess ill is the best description of how I'm feeling it's dulling my sparkle a bit and I'm not used to it.

My sensible side will get me through the practical stuff to make sure everything that needs to get done is done.
After that it's hug my wife & kids as much as I can to stock up on love before I leave.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 25, 2017, 05:22:40 AM
Ha i forgot my androcur once taking my mother to the airport which is 3 hours away.
When me and my gf realised I acted out me exploading into the hulk in the car, we laughed so hard, mum hadn't a clue what was going on at the time!
It was so funny.
You should be alright.
GnRH analogues are what are used to cut the T right off in testicular cancer or other cancers that get worse through T.
They are the best but I don't really think trans people can get them?
I would if I could
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 25, 2017, 06:18:50 AM
Yeah we joked about it prior with the idea of me suddenly turning into a guy and coming into work like I used to!!!

My voice on the fritz yesterday freaked me out big time though as it shouldn't be possible then again most things I have experienced aren't possible either so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

It's essentially a minor neurological disruption so far and I'm getting a better handle on it but still don't like the way it feels. I'd gotten used to my brain being nice and quiet I just wasn't ready to deal with it again.
I guess everyone has a different experience and I know I'll be ok. At least with my memories back I know my worst case scenario is being dimmed and having guy impulses firing into my brain but I won't be erased so I'll stick to my plan; after all it's everything I ever wanted but couldn't have. After surgery and some time back on E I'll be better than ever :)

Starting on proper arrangements to keep me busy like thinking about packing and notes to leave for emergencies like burst pipes etc. Fun stuff too like arranging for Valentines cards and gifts as well as 3 birthdays I'll miss out on to make sure nobody is left out.

Also a bit morbid but need to make a "Just in case" envelope to be given to my wife if something goes wrong with goodbyes, instructions on how to take care of finances, logins that kind of thing.

Feeling so tired and fuzzy but need to keep my blood clean until my CBC and urine test tomorrow then break out the caffeine pills to try sharpen up a bit.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 25, 2017, 03:52:54 PM
Wow sounds like you are planning for everything Jerrica. That's great. not enough people do that.

Yes Christine GnRH analogues are normally used in cancer patients or as I mentioned to stop puberty in trans kids until they are old enough to start hormones. There have been some clinical studies on their use by older trans patients. Which found that they are as effective as other means of controlling T and results when used with estrogen are the same. I would guess like most things related to trans care it would depend on the doctor. But I imagine most doctors wouldn't use them when other drug combinations normally used are more broadly understood.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 25, 2017, 04:14:28 PM
Yeah for planning I kinda have to as I'm the gal that keeps the world turning at work and home apart from this Feb.

Can't have my family in trouble or worrying about "what ifs" while I'm away. Expect everything to go smoothly but there is a comfort in giving safety nets to reassure people.

GnRH analogue would be great and with you being in proper channels you'll probably get it if it's allowed by your surgeon.

Downside of selfmed you're on your own for that kind of stuff. Oh that's a bit grim;  true though but need positives right now. Plus side 12 months and a bit start to finish for physical transition.

Mmmmm nothing except hormones and good times ahead - Yeah I'll defo manage :)

Might play around with other surgery ideas later but just as a woman for her own vanity.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 26, 2017, 03:07:50 PM
Came across an amazing Avicci song I somehow missed in 2012 while looking at Nikki's New Groove (https://nikkimahoney.wordpress.com/)



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VJBBUqr1wM

Sillhouettes is my new theme tune for the next 2 weeks me thinks xx
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 26, 2017, 11:28:37 PM
Hey Jerrica, how long does will you be off work when it comes to it??
Must be a long stint of doing Nada.
I see some nice options as regards transition back in Ireland, we are thinking of returning home maybe after summer here. :)
I will also be finally be able to get my car insured in NI hopefully as I haven't been able the past two years, they offered me 6000 euro to insure it, and that was after a 45% no claims discount. And the tax in the uk is like 198 pound and in Ireland for this car it 1500 a year :/
Northern Ireland is definitly tempting me big time, so close to home too :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 27, 2017, 01:50:47 AM
30 days in Thailand and another few before I go back to work.

I'm really looking forward to having nothing to do except heal.

Must be a nice car for such high insurance.



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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on January 27, 2017, 02:10:19 AM
Only a month? Thats kinda insane quick.
Well I love it, but the country hates these cars.
Its a 99 Twin Turbo 6 speed Toyota Supra.
Two years she sitting in the garage :/
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 27, 2017, 02:42:15 AM
Yeah after a month I should be mobile enough to manage work but be 3-12 for 100%.

Hoping my freaky fast healing works long enough after surgery.

T is a killer can't wait to be fixed properly.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 27, 2017, 04:34:04 AM
a month in Thailand should be fun. is anyone going with you?

It seems peoples recovery times vary widely but months seems common. a girl I know here who had surgery in the beginning of October still hasn't gone back to work. I didn't ask but I'm presuming she's on long term disability.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on January 27, 2017, 05:12:06 AM
Just me all on my lonesome apart from the net which will be my lifeline.

Will plan out what I can to enjoy whatever experiences I can before surgery and once I'm healed enough.

Recovery I'll take it as it comes but will likely gently push my limits when the time is right.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on February 05, 2017, 01:29:27 PM
Hey all.

Finally got around to starting my SRS thread.

Jerrica's New Groove (Cosmetic SRS Chet 09-02-2017) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,219599)

My FB will have the PG version of my trip but the 18+ (minus language) version will be on Susan's.
The ultra extreme hardcore version well that goes in my diary  >:-)

More than welcome to have a peek and throw any thoughts my way.
I'll be covering it all as best I can with the good, the bad and the very ugly in my usual spamfesty style.

Now I better go sleep or I'll be fit for nothing tomorrow

x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on February 05, 2017, 02:12:30 PM
Haha fit forth nothing! Sounds so homely. Ima check out your thread Jerrica :)
Goodnight!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on February 08, 2017, 12:36:26 PM
Well they say "Hope for the best and prepare for the worst" so here I am hoping and preparing.

Just in case anything goes wrong I wanted to tell yous I've enjoyed hanging out with you girls here so thank you and I love yous <3

Don't get your hopes up though I'll be back spamming the heck out of the net before you know it ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on February 08, 2017, 01:25:20 PM
Yea ,


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on February 08, 2017, 01:26:03 PM
Oops.

Yea, you better come back to us girl!  Good luck and be safe!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on February 08, 2017, 02:45:09 PM
Nothing will go wrong Jerrica, now you go to bed and get some rest!
We will hear fromyou tomoro afternoon!, :)
Be safe, hugs Christine
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on February 08, 2017, 07:51:53 PM
Thank you both.

I know everything will be ok.

"What do we say to the God of Death?"
"Not today!"

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on February 13, 2017, 11:37:25 AM
Hey Girls, so a little update on me,
I have had my third session at the laser clink, we have spaced the next appointment out about and I am to leave what facial hair I have left so she can see where it is at now.
Also my hair growth in the corner is fantastic, it just keeps coming in.
And on Saturday morning my mom told my dad that I am trans. He is absolutely devastated, I knew he would be bad, but not this bad, he has been crying the whole time, mum has never seen him like this.
I cried Saturday too thinking about it all. I wish I never had to do this.
It's so not fair for him, I was his first "son" I'm pretty much his favourite.
I hope he comes round.
I left him a message today. He replied nice enough, he said He didn't want to say anything to upset anyone for the moment so he has left it till he gets his head round in some more.
It has been a tough few days, on the brighter side I hit 7 months tomoro! :3
I hope ya'll are doing better than me anyway right now.
How are you all?
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on February 13, 2017, 12:51:41 PM
Love hearing about the hair thing though confess I still don't quite understand it.

Sorry to hear about your Dad's reaction but I'm glad it's done. No more hiding or secrets allowing you to have an open and loving relationship with everyone.


My own Mum had a unique view in so far as I was simply her first born and that gave us a special bond which I can feel too. She has been nothing short of amazing given I had basically died years ago then came back as me. Her immediate reaction was open arms and I'll never ever forget that day. Just to be a normal girl in my mum's arms with nothing but love was incredible.

My Dad is another story though and although he is supportive of me he's never really been the emotional type so I never managed to connect with him properly in the past and sadly I still can't find a way in as me either. I guess it's a guy thing that they think more than feel. I know he loves me I just wish I could feel it even once but in all honesty he is confused by me and I can forgive him that. I'll give him all the time he needs and hopefully some day I'll actually get to know him.

For now at least your news is out so no more hiding just be you. Your Dad is strong enough to deal with it in his own way and he'll come back when he's ready. I'd say his crying is a good start tbh.

Just chilling watching Vampire Diaries thinking I really should go to sleep. Probably will soon.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on February 13, 2017, 12:52:49 PM
Oh and happy 7 months sweetie :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on February 13, 2017, 01:52:29 PM
Oh Christine, so sorry to hear about your dad. Give it time and he will remember how much he loves you and realize it doesn't matter. My dad has dementia so it is hard for him to understand. Mom still often calls me Russ/he/him but other times does remember to call me Jen. I think she is trying. She too will get better in time. It's hard for them because they say they have to mourn the loss of Russ. Of course, I keep telling them that I am right here and have never been happier in my life. I think they get it. It just takes time. Unfortunately, not sure how much time they actually have, especially Dad. He has Parkinson's on top of his dementia as well so it is a double whammy for him. He has a chair lift to take him up and down the stairs now so that is good for him.

Cool on the hair too. My thin area is getting better up there and my hair is getting longer so the longer hair covers the area well too. Not perfect yet but much better than wearing the wig. I have had many laser sessions as well but I am thinking I am about done since I think I have much more grey hair in my beard than dark. Might have to switch to electrolysis at some point. Can't really afford it yet. Trying to find a house too. Had one I really liked but it slipped away to another buyer. Now I am just waiting for new listings to come in so I can see them. Once in the house, I will be saving almost $1000 on mortgage compared to my current rent which is outrageously high. In fact, I have determined that at my current rate of spending (very little being discretionary), I will literally run out of money in July. My lease isn't up until August. My plan is to get out early and pay the early termination fee. The sooner I can get out of my apartment the better off I will be.  So I have been packing quite diligently recently trying to get everything ready so when I am ready to move, I will be packed and ready to get out. I am working from home 100% now so it really doesn't matter where the house is other than certain areas of town have better prices and I don't want to be too far from my son who I have with me every other weekend which I look forward to each time. He is a wonderful kid. He holds no judgement towards my new lifestyle at all. He actually enjoys doing the new girly stuff I do now with me.

Talk to you girls later. Love you all!

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on February 13, 2017, 02:16:37 PM
Well it keeps coming, X3 it is definitely weird, as Iv said before it grew in that kind of male pattern, I never lost hair, now it's simply filling in it's really quiet surreal.
And thanks, I hope he comes round, I feel terrible for him, and he is all on his own pretty much. I mean he can't hug anyone and take comfort that way. It was his harsh ways that caused the situation for himself, it's also thanks to his ways that I was so afraid to be me.
I guess this may be part of why he is taking it so bad.
Your family seem so cool Jerrica, seeing you all together in the family photos like that, I almost feel a little jealous? Maybe it's more just happy for you.
Yea it's out ther now, but still have to wait for him to calm before I make the big public announcement.
And thanks Jenny. Sorry to hear about your dad having that.
My grandad here in Switzerland had Alzheimer's
, it was not nice.
I always kept the fun going with him though, always included him. Made him feel so much better about it all.
That's great too that your hair is thickening too.
I hope the house hunting goes well.
Hopefully you get it sorted soon.
And your so lucky he is so accepting, so cute he actually goes along with your new girly ways.thats so nice.
I hope I can have my dad come round and accept me as his daughter.

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on February 13, 2017, 03:25:27 PM
He will. Give it time. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on February 13, 2017, 04:09:44 PM
Glad things are coming along well Jenny.

Nah Christine you are too nice to be jealous. I'll be first to admit though I have been unbelievably lucky since I got back especially with my family. And to be honest it's even more remarkable as the starting position was everyone hating/given up on a dead guy but fortunately they could see I wasn't him when I came back and kinda here we are.

Whilst your Dad has dug his own hole he does still possess a strength which he will hopefully use constructively to make things right. It is important that he knows just how big the choice is before him. He can accept you as his daughter or destroy his own world. Not a threat but from what I remember the 2 most realistic outcomes.

Any discussion has to be about him making his decision as yours is already set in stone and will not be changed. So the only one capable of changing anything is him.

He'll still have a bunch of pointless guy crap to deal to deal with in his head as I'm guessing he has zero experience or education on trans stuff. So for that side he can be helped but be careful that he understands your decision is not really a decision it is merely recognising a fact. You could no more choose to be tall, short etc.

From the outside many see a choice from the inside we know better. Would you be safe to approach him as you?

A bit direct but it can make it easier to separate you. I won't lie you know you look smashing and that for better or worse can make a massive impact (it may not be fair but it's the way it is).

Most guys think trans their brain short circuits to "guy in a dress" if he can see that's not the case maybe he'll be able to jump tracks.

I wish I was there so I could read him and deliver a hug to you ofc.

So many guesses and possibilities my head spins best I can do right now is just say I'm here if you need me.

Can hit me up through FB messenger if you need a friendly ear or pick a client I'll set it up.

I really hope things work out soon. You deserve so much and have been more patient than I can imagine.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on February 14, 2017, 02:12:19 AM
Thanks Jerrica, you are spot on with your analysis.
Yes he still can fix things, that is up to him now, and yes I am a big obstacle right now, but it goes for the whole family. He needs to be nicer to everyone. He still has goodness inside, I know it, he has not been hateful to me in anyway so far. And he could well be, I know how he is.
And that is very true, it's up to him what he decides to do, my decision was made this time last year that I wanted to move forward proud of myself, and life.
I don't think I would be safe to approach him at all, it would be pointless. Plus I am abroad, and that is maybe for the best right now.
Maybe seing how I look would help, make it feel more real.
Yea that image they have in there heads does not help. Old ugly weirdo in a dress, has surely passed through his mind :/
The hug would be very much needed, and I'm sure you could read him, he ain't too hard to read.
Hopefully things come round.
Thanks for the words :3
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on February 14, 2017, 04:08:54 AM
Hey hon.

I know exactly what you mean and what he sees unfortunately. You know him best and more importantly you know you so make sure you are ok first. My offer stands though if I can be of any help just let me know sometimes just emptying your head can help.

I'm kinda thinking of having our paths cross in Ireland some day even if just for a moment to give you that long overdue hug.

You have so much trouble yet so much life and love within you I can't tell you enough in words how great you are so hopefully some day I will be able to tell you everything in a couple of seconds without saying a single word just a smile and a hug from a friend who has only ever seen you.

Take care  of yourself in the meantime honey.

As you say he has merely withdrawn which might be better than exploding but be warned if he's alone with only his own thoughts it could do him more harm than good.

I'd suggest the pic but I'm way too scared to do so as I don't know him but seeing his beautiful daughter happy smiling with her eyes sparkling might reach him in a way his own mind never could.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on February 14, 2017, 05:44:07 AM
Thanks Jerrica! It helps a lot.
I will give him plenty of time, and hopefully keep things calm when we talk.
And if you are ever in Ireland you let me know, I will be home hopefully end of August!
Maybe him seeing how happy I am in a photo might help for sure, but that will be for when he calms done. Not dropping no more bombs for a while.
Thanks for all your help.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on February 14, 2017, 05:54:57 AM
Anytime honey I just wish I could really help but for now hopefully it helps a little that I believe in you so completely that when the doubters finally see you they are gonna feel so dumb at not seeing you sooner.

In the end as long as you are ok then I'm ok. Give others as long as you like so long as they behave or I'll end up making an extra trip to deliver an epic scolding of biblical proportions (ok I overreact and am overprotective sue me lol).

Hell hath no fury and all that ;)

Take care and sleep well knowing you are safe and you are loved x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on February 14, 2017, 10:34:27 AM
Hey all,
christine, I'm happy to hear your dad at least knows now. even if he's not taking it well. it can be a difficult thing for dads. Anybody really but sometimes dads have an especially hard time with it. take care and stay strong.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on February 14, 2017, 12:01:31 PM
Christine, just saw your profile pic. Only one word comes to mind. Beautiful!  So happy for you!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on March 04, 2017, 02:08:36 PM
Way too quiet in here. Everyone still alive? x

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on March 04, 2017, 02:09:44 PM
Yep. Still here. How's it going?


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on March 04, 2017, 02:12:00 PM
All good just waiting to get picked up for my flight out of Thailand and back to reality x

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on March 04, 2017, 02:12:33 PM
Good luck!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on March 04, 2017, 02:12:50 PM
Been running my SRS story on a separate thread so I didn't spam here to death x

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on March 04, 2017, 02:13:34 PM
Should all be ok unless I'm unlucky enough to get DVT on the way home x

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on March 04, 2017, 03:43:18 PM
Safe trip home girl! :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on March 05, 2017, 12:38:26 AM
Thank you :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 17, 2017, 12:06:52 AM
Hey girls, not sure if you are still paying attention to this thread but I thought I would post a short update.

I started voice therapy. Finally working on my new voice. most of the sessions are group sessions but it's 4 people including me so it's not that bad.. Anyway this last week we had some excercises on finding a pitch. just reading different things. I asked how high we should try doing it and she said just do what you can comfortable do. I don't really have any concept of pitch and I don't really hear it and process it. I mean in terms of duplicating it.  if that makes any sense. Anyway so I did it and she recorded it. I could comfortably talk at 220 Mhz without any real effort. Also my normal male speaking pitch is 143/144 MHz according to an earlier assessment. so I'm normally at the high end of the male range. I think it's exciting gives me lots of hope that pitch wise my voice can be well within the female range.

I had my second appointment at the gender clinic last week. at the first appointment he said there was a checklist of things to apply for funding. So we have been working towards that. had my second opinion and she had no concerns. so that was good. the one thing I was trying to figure out was how I could meet was the requirement for one year of documented RLE. then I had the thought of my name change and my new birth certificate since it shows gender. so i mentioned it to him and he was like yes that would work. So, at the end of the appointment he said he saw no reason not to move forwards on applying for funding. so that was super exciting. until he called me and said that he talked to the government and they said that "while her RLE might have began then we dont consider it began until the first time she saw you." so that sucks. he said he would keep working on it. so hopefully we can find a way. otherwise that sets me back 6 months.   
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 17, 2017, 12:29:27 AM
Hey ladies,  just wanted to let yoi all know I'm still alive and kicking,  and.... Screaming.... I'll be on more when I have more time... Love and miss you all!!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 17, 2017, 12:37:43 AM
Hey Sarah and Tasha :') good to hear from you girls.
It's a great thing to start voice therapy Sarah, I will start practicing very soon, house mate leaves in maybe like a week now :').
And hope you manage to get things organised for your funding, exciting times.
I am still living the hidden life, no one knows I exist yet, it's all coming to a head though.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 17, 2017, 03:10:06 AM
Yup still watching the thread. You know me I'm always the last to leave a party lol.

Glad voice stuff going so well and feeling your pain on RLE paper trail etc

I really gotta a run though just woke up and got 35 mins to get ready and leave for work. Panic!!!!!!!!

Ttfn x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 17, 2017, 05:11:51 AM
ok now I'm at work I can reply better :lol:

Often thought back to this thread once it had gone quiet wishing a new post would go up and what can I say apart from yay :)

Voice stuff is fun. Something just kinda clicked recently and after I played with the Voice Pitch Analyser app I realised I can basically "park" my voice in different ranges now so I've stuck it in the middle of the female range. Whenever I talk it's just there without thinking; it's cool. No idea how accurate it is but the starting reads feel right as before I came off my meds my voice was top of the androgynous range which I considered to be good enough and hitting the female range to be just another impossible dream like being a foot shorter etc lol

The below test were a couple of minutes apart.... guess I do have multiple voices available now.

(https://s14.postimg.org/jf42dr0hd/Screenshot_2017-04-17-10-31-37.png) (https://s4.postimg.org/41ubmzi7h/Screenshot_2017-04-17-10-38-22.png) (https://s27.postimg.org/ff5lrwx6b/Screenshot_2017-04-17-10-38-26.png)


(https://s24.postimg.org/sv0anpyut/Screenshot_2017-04-17-10-31-45.png) (https://s1.postimg.org/gpjvl731r/Screenshot_2017-04-17-10-38-32.png) (https://s28.postimg.org/h2zskhyv1/Screenshot_2017-04-17-10-38-35.png)

Background noise can be annoying as it picks up everything.

Got an experimental group speech therapy thing tomorrow so I guess I'll get a proper opinion on my new voice soon.

Fingers crossed for your funding Sarah but it does sound very promising.
Oh and just noticed your 220hz being comfy very nice indeed.

For Tash kicking and screaming now that could be good or bad depending on the situ ;)

Fun times ahead for Christine I can feel the energy building up from here and it gets me all excited and goosebumpy  ;D watch out world.

Always love hearing from y'all and glad still here.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 17, 2017, 09:36:35 AM
What app is that Jerrica?

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 17, 2017, 09:42:37 AM
My other post about it (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,222449)

Voice Pitch analyser for Android (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=de.lilithwittmann.voicepitchanalyzer)

Great wee toy - Lotsa fun  ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 17, 2017, 11:44:13 AM
Hey Ladies!  Good to hear from you all!  Life is pretty crazy here with trying to get everything unpacked and organized in the new house. So many things still to do. Glad to hear everyone is still alive and kicking. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 17, 2017, 12:07:12 PM
 Happy Birthdays Ladies
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 17, 2017, 12:08:57 PM
I'm not that easy to get rid of  :P

Amazing how fast time is screaming past though only a couple of weeks until May.
It's like where did all the time go?!?!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 17, 2017, 12:13:56 PM
Quote from: Jerrica on April 17, 2017, 12:08:57 PM
I'm not that easy to get rid of  :P

Amazing how fast time is screaming past though only a couple of weeks until May.
It's like where did all the time go?!?!

  Hi Jerrica,

    No one is trying to get rid of you. Glad you have returned even.

Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 17, 2017, 12:49:26 PM
No worries Jeanette I only jest about being gotten rid off.

Always nice to be to hear people are glad to see me though :)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 17, 2017, 12:49:34 PM
Ah what the heck you're all around I'm gonna have a whine/laugh  ;D

I'm a bit bored as I won't allow myself to exercise until after the 3 month mark just in case something goes wrong.
It shouldn't but if I do what I'm told and something goes wrong then it's not my fault and that's easier to deal with than if I considered myself at fault.

Anyhoo on with the fun of my brain going in circles.






Eat LessEat More
Lose weightGain weight
Smaller BreastsBigger breasts

So yeah I'm wanting to lose weight but grow bigger breasts so anything apart from "normal" eating will land me in the red. No probs I hear you say.... exercise is the key!!!!








ExerciseDon't Exercise
Lose weightDon't lose weight
Risk of damageFinish healing
Tone upLook like Jabba
Gain/maintain muscleLose muscle

So I want to lose weight, finish healing, tone up and lose muscle  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

It's like my Papa used to say "You cannae win!!!".

Short term I've decided sod it and had numerous treat days which is as good a way as any to pass the time.
I'll have another 2-3 weeks of not really caring, then go for a weigh in and get back to work on my body.

The gym and dieting awaits but not today  >:-)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 17, 2017, 04:49:56 PM
hey girls so one other big thing to mention. after my follow up with the doctor in February when I went to get my prescriptions there was a Spiro shortage. so instead of that they gave me aldactone. over the course of the following 4 or 5 weeks I got sicker and sicker and never made the connection. So by sicker I mean severe stomach pain, nausea vomiting loss of appetite. runny nose and my ears kept closing which would screw with my balance. with all that i also wasn't sleeping. No fun at all. so it seems I can't take aldactone. will have to talk to the doctor about an alternative as it seems Spiro shortages are somewhat common here.

oh and, I hate to jinx it but I might have begun a breast growth spurt. Yay!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 17, 2017, 06:58:49 PM
Oh dear I can't remember why but I did have an "uh oh" moment as soon as I read Aldactone. Maybe you can use your reaction and Spiro shortage as leverage for an orchi. My own chemical focus was very narrow shooting just for E & Spiro I never considered other options tbh sorry hon.

Breast growth spurt though..... yay you ya lucky witch ;)

As they say in Glasgow "You'd fall in the Clyde (river) and come out with a salmon" :D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 17, 2017, 11:20:38 PM
lol Jerrica, as exciting as a growth spurt is.... and I am getting a lot of pains and discomfort.... so it's seeming more likely. lucky for me they are brief and pass in seconds... I've had a lot of development around the nipples and general fat accumulation around the chest I still don't even have distinguishable breasts, so I have a longgggggggg way to go.

As for an orchi as I understand it if they pay for an orchi they won't pay for SRS for a couple years after. so that isn't a good option. but that could be wrong too. I'll talk to my doctor. 
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 17, 2017, 11:44:20 PM
That's funny cause I am on Androcur. Same thing i think.
It's supposed to be far better as regards a blocker.
Maybe it was really working well and droped your T to nothing?
Or maybe just a reaction to it lol
I have had no bother, my changes have been gradual, boobs are coming along great for 5'11" and 65kg
Talk to the doc for sure
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 18, 2017, 12:28:02 AM
Quick update to explain my extended absence,  and I'll probably be gone for a while again.

First,  we started running shirt on time to finish this house,  meaning less money coming in,  landlord sold our house and haven't been accepted into a new one out of 20 apps,  only have 3 weeks left, landlord is constantly coming over and pointing out obvious repairs we are responsible for, and today,  to top it all off,  my truck broke down so no way to make dump runs and had to spend house savings to fix other car. The motor on my truck is seized... While trying to turn the harmonic balancer I slipped and bruised my rids so it hurts like hell to even breath.

AND... Apparently since I started being more brave about having nails painted, people in town have been refering to us as the cross dressing crew and spreading crap about us so I havent been able to be myself in lime 2 weeks.

It is honestly too much. I don't know how much more can go wrong before I lose my effing mind. Anybody got 20000 i can borrow to reset my life with😵😵😵

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 18, 2017, 01:58:02 AM
Oh darling that's so horrible with all that happening at once.

God I wish I did have 20 grand but atm I'm nearer minus 10 thousand.

Between bad timing, bad luck and bad people no wonder you're feeling down. I'm just hoping you get break and everything else falls into place.

You are both strong, intelligent and resourceful women so one way or another yous will get through this.

I'll try not to pry but if you ever need to vent or whatever I'll be around.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 18, 2017, 02:00:35 AM
Thank you! I do try to keep the negative to myself and my wifey... Hate spreading it. Thanjs for being there g'night 😘😘

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 18, 2017, 02:12:31 AM
Your major positive thing is having each other honey.

You are both great and the rest of this stuff as big as it is right now will be just temporary.

Sleep well and sweet dreams x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 18, 2017, 04:29:32 AM
@Sarah
Yeah I'm not good with pain but if I could get a short term agony for a C cup I'll take it.
Eek an either/or option is brutal. Guess they'll just have to give you your SRS now instead.

@Christine
Colour me as jealous as ever  :D but perhaps also the answer to my problem.
At 65kg your breast development is going well now that I can work with.
I should have remembered your stats and saved myself a lot of guesswork lol
Never easy knowing you've got 1 shot to build your breasts with no do overs.

Think I need to back to just looking after everything else and let nature take its course instead of trying to optimise it like a game.

All I need now is to hear about an anorexic girl that still grew decent breasts and I'll be cured.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 18, 2017, 05:10:08 AM
I have been super chill about my changes, seems the more people look from em the less they get :/
I don't really want big boobs anyway. So whatever I get will do lol.
The only thing I really want is for my hips to keep going, and I should be able even if I just start squaring and leg work.

And unfortunately Tasha I'm in the same boat as Jerrica, pretty much 10k in debt for my E30.
Will blast that all away at the end of the year though :@
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 18, 2017, 05:27:22 AM
For the most part I've been the same and don't so much chase changes than fear somehow screwing myself up. My breasts did shrink while I was away but whether that was due to coming off my meds or my new diet was unknown. I've since been back on my meds and eating more and they have grown. Guess I should try my diet again and see what happens but fear of harming my final results sucks.

Still not used to "fear" of all the emotions etc I got back I could have done without that one  :laugh:

I'm gonna keep it simple and go back to what I was doing previously.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 18, 2017, 05:51:42 AM
I think boobs will blow up anyway if you put on weight.
I've seen it before with cis girls.
And often the boobs are the last to loose fat, they always look big even you become thin again .
I think anyway.... Lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 18, 2017, 06:55:53 AM
As conflicted as ever I want everything  ;)

Want to be a skinny witch with reasonable (C probably although a full B might do) firm breasts.
Wanna make my super fit, ultra hot cousins jealous some day - Mwahahahahahahaha >:-)

I don't ask for much  :-*
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 18, 2017, 09:24:05 AM
So good to hear from you ladies.

Tasha so sorry things are not going well. Stay strong and stick to your guns (not literally of course lol). Things will get better in time.

Sarah, hope you feel better soon. Seems like I have heard you speak of not feeling well often. Talk to your doc and get it resolved. Last thing you need is a bad reaction to something. Best of luck.

Jerrica, so happy to hear of your progress with surgery and such. So exciting. It's like reaching the finish line in the long road of transition.

As I have said before, not much going on except unpacking and trying to make my new house my own. I think I too am having nice results.  Boobs are growing nicely. Would love to dump the forms but still not enough volume for my liking. They are such a pain.   I wear a B bra which is definitely still too big without the forms. It's so frustrating since with the forms, the bra might be over full but without them, too much room inside still. A friend recently mentioned she thought my hips were filling in nicely. I have gained a bit of weight so that could account for the hips and boobs filling in. Just wish I could get rid of the belly. Ugh. I think occasionally I do notice my face being different and more feminine when I look in the mirror. I hope it continues. Wish I started my transition at a younger age. Oh well. Nothing I can do about that.

Of course, still loving being me. That other guy was so boring. Hehe

It's been fun comparing notes since some of us are in about the same stage in our transition.

Thanks for all the updates. You girls are fricken beautiful!

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 18, 2017, 10:21:12 AM
It's great that you managed to get a house Jenny.
That will be my next big thing, trying to buy a house back home in Ireland.
But not for a few more years.
Well I have been looking a little at SRS here in Switzerland, I have found a guy who does It here.
I must see
I will hopefully go for a consultation soon. To check how everything looks.
My changes so far have been minimal but everything that could have has changed a little
You look so much happier Jenny too and your hair looks really good too.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 18, 2017, 10:37:22 AM
Thanks!


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 19, 2017, 02:13:32 AM
Thanks Jenny it's good to be done but not sure whether it's simply being post or my Swiss cheesed brain but I don't really remember or think about how I was before. Like my brain has edited everything to feel like I've always been as I am now :)

Still more to do with getting in shape and growing up so I kinda cross one finish line then find another one to chase lol

New house is always fun getting in and making it yours. My breasts are very small but they are there and probably growing. I use a 38B plunge enhancer (padded) bra. We joke about how much of my breasts is padding think we're up to like 314% of my boobs are padding. Maybe the right bra will let you lose the forms.

As for starting younger yeah that's something most of us will feel but if you can find something to make the years worth it then it can get rid of that feeling. For me it's obviously the kids that I'll have given up my superhot teens onwards but they're worth it ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 21, 2017, 10:14:46 PM
Yeah I wish I had realized all this sooner but there is nothing I can do about that now. So, I will just stay happy that I'm showing the women inside on the outside now too.  ;D

It's funny because I was never happy with my body before. I tried working out thinking that if I was fitter, which I like, I would be happy but it never worked out that way. now I'm happier with my body. I still have things I want to change. like less belly fat and bigger boobs. If only some of the fat on my belly would slide up to my chest,. hehehe 

I have some bras that have little pads which I could switch to bigger pads but I'm not a big fan of pads. they are lighter and a little more comfortable but don't feel real to me. at least with forms they look and feel real.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 21, 2017, 10:44:13 PM
I like my body now but don't like my belly. I can't get into dieting. Pisses me off when I eat what I shouldn't. Had pizza tonight. Naturally. Of course, it was my choice and nobody forced it down my throat. I had it going so well a few months ago. Now it's like pulling teeth.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 22, 2017, 01:29:28 AM
Even I wish i could go back to when I was 13 and just do it.
I had done it at 20 but mam rejected me and I went back to hiding. At 26 it still feels late to have only just started :/
What happened between mam n me back when I first told her annoys me to no end, I could have got things in motion there and then.
But even so I still would be looking back and thinking about having done it sooner :/
We just have to be happy with what we have now
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 22, 2017, 08:03:14 AM
I find that a part of me laments not knowing and doing something earlier.  I don't dwell on it.  Looking back at the reality of things I can reasonably assume that I would still have turned out terribly effed due to my family and lack of support network.  I would not have my wife and children, who keep me sane.  I am still getting great results and society is at a point where almost nobody cares that I am trans.

I did the working out stuff too when I was younger to try to feel better about my body.  Especially, while I was in the service and mid twenties.  I never lived up to my expectations and it just made it worse.  I used to try to punish myself with feminization (like shaving) for not being manly enough. Still working on getting to where I want my body to be.  This time it's in the right direction. 

My wife thinks it's a bit silly, but I want to be hot.  I've never felt very attractive in life, so I want my chance.  I know I won't make it all the way because of the lateness, but I'm going to get close.  Only about 100 pounds to get there [emoji23] .  Luckily, I look younger than my age so I have some time to enjoy it.

Amber
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Kaylin on April 22, 2017, 02:07:29 PM
Glad to hear about the breast spurt Sarah, I'm only slightly envious ;)

Tasha, it is amazing to know that your wife stands by you, and with the hardships that you've mentioned it is wonderful that you still have her in your life.

Kaylin
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Georgette on April 22, 2017, 10:09:36 PM
Quote from: ChristineRachel on April 22, 2017, 01:29:28 AM
Even I wish i could go back to when I was 13 and just do it.
I had done it at 20 but mam rejected me and I went back to hiding. At 26 it still feels late to have only just started.

Seems like I meet SO many now that wished they could have started earlier.  At 12/13 had to see a Psychiatrist because of it.  In the 60s I could not explain what is was.  So few published of others that were going through it.
I was lucky to find some in my 20s to explain it and was able to do mine from 24-26.

So yes nowadays 26 seems like a late start, but it is a start and you can have a much fuller life believe me.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 23, 2017, 01:55:26 AM
Thanks Georgette. If I would have had a sister I would have started earlyer, I would have recognised the difference between boys and girls and gravitated towards her. i was always attached to my female cousins.
Sometimes things are so stacked against us it's nearly impossible.
I grew up with three brothers, my mum dad always worked on the farm and mum was always dressed rough, so she was a poor example of what I would have looked at as a female at the time.
Then in primary school there was a gay guy there, who got bullied for hanging out with the girls, so I knew not to do the same, but still didn't hang out with boys either, so I just ended up a loner.
Then secondary school come along, and of course I was sent to an all boys school. And honest to god thinking about all makes me wanna cry my eyes out.
After that I was rail roaded so macho, I knew exactly what not to do to stay safe. I was a very passive person and would do everything and anything to avoid confrontation or being noticed in anyway. It worked as I never got in a fight or anything.
But honestly I would trade that safety for a few beatings now thinking back. I would have dealt with who I was so much sooner..
Oh well I have started now and that's what matters...
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: LizK on April 23, 2017, 02:05:56 AM
Quote from: ChristineRachel on April 23, 2017, 01:55:26 AM
Thanks Georgette. If I would have had a sister I would have started earlyer, I would have recognised the difference between boys and girls and gravitated towards her. i was always attached to my female cousins.
Sometimes things are so stacked against us it's nearly impossible.
I grew up with three brothers, my mum dad always worked on the farm and mum was always dressed rough, so she was a poor example of what I would have looked at as a female at the time.
Then in primary school there was a gay guy there, who got bullied for hanging out with the girls, so I knew not to do the same, but still didn't hang out with boys either, so I just ended up a loner.
Then secondary school come along, and of course I was sent to an all boys school. And honest to god thinking about all makes me wanna cry my eyes out.
After that I was rail roaded so macho, I knew exactly what not to do to stay safe. I was a very passive person and would do everything and anything to avoid confrontation or being noticed in anyway. It worked as I never got in a fight or anything.
But honestly I would trade that safety for a few beatings now thinking back. I would have dealt with who I was so much sooner..
Oh well I have started now and that's what matters...

Your history struck a chord with me

I have 3 brothers
Your description of your mother mirrors mine in the early years perfectly
I used to always want to play dress ups with my girl cousins when I was young...got into real trouble over it
All boys catholic schooling till I left Highschool at 16 and into a clerical job, from there
I became a Nurse in the day when males nurses were all considered to be "different"...and I didn't even get to where the cool uniform LOL


Liz
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 23, 2017, 02:12:33 AM
There were a few events in life where I could see the connection being made (God I remember those times long ago so full of impossible hope wishing but "knowing" what I wanted was impossible and it was never gonna happen) and the timeline splitting off in completely different direction.

Unfortunately with time you can only ever go forwards never back and whilst younger generally equals prettier (at least in my mind) I'd say even pushing 40 now my potential is almost unlimited. Heavy on the almost.

I love beautiful women both in general aesthetics and sexually as you know. So hung up on looks it's insane but like any other girl we are dealing with a world of ideals that most will never meet regardless of birth circumstances. Maybe it's my old age or maybe because I've also felt the despair of knowing no matter what I do I'll never be a supermodel and came out the other side. Either way I've almost accepted the limits of my new life which is far superior to the former I hasten to add.

Still more to do of course a woman's work is never done after all. I have a lifetime of memories and learning to rebuild. I say fairly that I look good enough, could look better (working on it) but even at my theoretical best I'll never be as insanely hot as I'd like to be. Then again even if it hit those levels I'd just raise the bar and still feel inadequate lol.

Personally I like it. I've turned it around in my mind to realise it as a desire for growth and the pursuit of perfection. It's a very powerful motivator as long as you remember it's all about the pursuit and not the attainment or you'll feel a failure no matter how well you do.

So I've kinda accepted my looks that sounds very easy and even mature (lol yeah right me mature) but I've moved onto my next impossible project...... singing.

Yup I need the power to sing with my new voice. Like my looks I don't need perfect I'll settle for "good enough" then work on it as a dream.

Aim for perfection by all means but please remember to enjoy every little step forward no matter how small instead of sadness that you are not "there" yet.

Even the steps we take now were once as impossible to us as our dreams are now.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 23, 2017, 02:45:05 AM
Yep Liz this is the perfect scenario to trap people like us.
I won't go into much more detail into it all because the was much more to it.
That simple version will do rightly for now.
The sad part is that I was a little girl in my head already at like 7 years old..

And yes Jerrica, all we can do now is move forward.

We managed to get to be ourselves, that's what matters. My heart goes out to all those poor souls who can't be themselves, who are full of dysphoria wiether they know it or not, who will make their way to the grave without having ever truly lived...

I pray those days are over.
I see young trans girls, perfectly normal, even referring to them as trans seems odd, they are just girls, they have friends groups and there familys love them. I am so happy for them
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 25, 2017, 01:27:35 AM
Amber!!!!! so good to hear from you. I'm presuming your avatar is you you look great.

like you all, as much as I wish I had started younger... I don't envy anyone that has to deal with trans kids and try and figure out what to do and how far to go. Although I did hear of a study that found that the majority (don't remember exact percentage) of kids that say they are transgender, even if not in those words, are right.

when I was in elementary I got made fun of for having so many girlfriends and for playing house and such. I too have 3 brothers, all older then me, so the pressure to be a "guy" and just a lack of knowledge prevented me from connecting the dots before, I think. Although I always thought i wasn't like most guys. I would notice a woman's hair if I liked it or saw a women wearing a cute outfit. I never thought I was gay but I wasn't like most guys.

Welcome to our little thread kaylin, Liz and georgette. it's been going on for a while now. it actually started out as my hello thread until a moderator broke it off into it's own thread. haha we have a little group that supports each other and have for a while. All are welcome and I hope you stick around.

Quote from: Kaylin on April 22, 2017, 02:07:29 PM
Glad to hear about the breast spurt Sarah, I'm only slightly envious ;)

forgive me for being nosy but are you on HRT Kaylin?? don't be too envious... in all my reading I don't recall reading much about it being painful. Maybe I just blocked that part out. it will, of course, be worth it in the end but I can't say I'm enjoying this. it's not even that bad for me either... ***crosses fingers** hopefully it doesn't get worse. Although I do expect more pain and discomfort when they reallly start to grow. oh well short term pain for long term gain.  ;D ;D ;D

I'm off to bed a girl needs her beauty rest.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: LizK on April 25, 2017, 02:16:56 AM
Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 25, 2017, 01:27:35 AM
I never thought I was gay but I wasn't like most guys.


Thanks for the welcome have read many of the posts on this thread and have enjoyed "lurking" for want of a better word

I never thought I was gay either but I knew I wasn't like other guys. I appreciated the girls as much as each one of them but for very different reasons...not that they ever knew.  ;D

Liz
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 25, 2017, 02:36:55 AM
I feel like I've been gone so long!!! Well,  welcome to the new ladies,  and I miss you to the rest!!!!! I think I nees to explain a few things to Sarah... I feel horrible... But,  I am still here,  just not really all here right now. I am trying to keep up but can't even keep up with my life right now.

Hit me up on FB or FB messenger if you want,  love you 💕 💕

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 25, 2017, 03:22:38 AM
One way or we're always here hon.

Hope things settle down for you soon to get some chill time and a catch up when you're sorted :)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on April 25, 2017, 03:24:49 AM
Thank you love,  g'night!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 25, 2017, 09:04:21 AM
Hi girls,

Thank you for the compliment Sarah!  Most days I don't doll up with makeup.  I love the look, but honestly I'm kind of lazy and don't have much reason to go through the effort most days.  To be fair, I don't need makeup to look feminine these days.  I've been blessed with lovely results and would have to actually try to get misgendered.

A friend stopped by yesterday and told me that I'll like a grown up version of my 5 year old daughter.  It's funny because when my wife and I first went shopping for me as Amber we were clueless.  My wife is not much for clothes or shopping, so she was no help.  Eventually, I said, I have the same skin tone as Violet.  Let's just try colors that look cute on her.  It worked.  So there is definitely a good bit of resemblance.

As far as other things go, we added bioidentical progesterone to the mix at my last visit.  It has been almost 2 weeks on it and wow is it noticeable.  I had breast ache periodically before, but omg not like this.  Plus it's all concentrated on the nipples.  I swear they grew noticeably just in the last 2 weeks.  I've noticed that it does make me more emotional too, not in a bad way.  A friend who moved about a month ago messages me that she was going to be in town and wondered if I wanted to get lunch.  I was absolutely touched by it and expressed so much thanks to her for thinking of me.  Not that I wouldn't have been appreciative before, but it would have been minor and I wouldn't have commented on it.  Now I get to feel much easier.  I hope it stays.

An unexpected effect has been that I dream now.  I almost never seemed to remember dreaming before, but now it's every night.  I knew it could make you sleepy after you take it, which it certainly does, but this was an interesting side benefit.

I'm hesitant to post about this but I feel it's good for you girls to know.  I read the forum nearly everyday and this thread everytime there's a post.  I rarely post things myself these days.  Mostly, it's because of my own problems.  As I have mentioned in other threads I have borderline personality disorder.  One of the issues with bpd is high sensitivity to perceived rejection.  Early on this thread was a lot of posts by Sarah, and Tasha, Laura and myself.  Others joined while some left, or became less active.  I felt for a long while that I wasn't included in the new clique.  So I withdrew.  I realize this wasn't intended by anybody and I don't want to be that person going, "what about me".  It's just that so often when I post I feel ignored while everyone's conversation continues on.  That's why I love when you post Sarah, you always take the time to acknowledge everyone.  These things shouldn't bother me, but they do.  Sorry for whining a little there.

Amber
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 25, 2017, 10:10:43 AM
Sounds like you are getting on truly wonderful Amber.
I'm still not sure I pass.
Maybe a few months more.
Can almost fill an A cup too :')

And what you said about posting, sometimes I feel like that too, but I just put down people's not replying to like people might read things at work, then not have the time to reply, or no peace, or other people have replied already with pretty much what you wanted to say lol.
I do feel this way too, but it doesn't happen out of badness.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 25, 2017, 10:40:49 AM
Oh and I posted this on the "what made you happy" thread, I duno did you girls see, but I came out yesterday to my aunt, cousin and Granny.
They wher all great, full of questions, and my granny was just so chill about it I couldn't believe the reactions.
I can't wait for the weekend now.
Oh and they all said sure because of my mom's view that they don't like the name Christine, and today me and mum wher talking about the name thing, she wants me to go by Rachel, I will modify the second name now to Christina to keep them all happy.
I am soooo happy that she is beigining to see me as I am, Rachel was always the name she would have given her daughter. So I am honoured to have it as my name.
So my new name is Rachel Christina XXXXX
It's not much of a change but it will be awkward for you guys but don't worry to much about it for now :')
I have been floating all day with all that went down these last day 2 days.
I hope all of y'all are having as an amazing time as I have been.
Love y'all, Rachel x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 25, 2017, 10:51:48 AM
Thanks for the response Rachel.  Honestly, you remind me of a dark-haired version of a Rachael I knew in high school.  So happy to hear positive news on your family.  I know that has seemed like an uphill battle for you.

I know it's silly and everybody feels like left out sometimes.  It just hits me harder than most.  I'm aware of it and constantly working to be better.  I typically don't share why I go silent and I figured you girls should know.  We are here to support each other after all.  It's exacerbated by the nature of online interaction.  I am a great conversationalist irl, but so much subtext is lost in this format.  I find that all the editing and word choice makes me seem somewhat cold online.

We tend to overlap on a lot of the same threads, but it always seemed we talked around rather than with with each other.

Hugs,
Amber

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 25, 2017, 10:59:12 AM
Aw thanks Amber.
And yep it has been a little war for a while. But seems it coming to its end. Dad still hasn't said a word to me since I came out, but he was always thick as two short planks, so I will probably have to step up and contact him first.

And of course, the old online text drives me nuts sometimes.
I can be disastrous sometimes if I don't reread my posts lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 25, 2017, 11:25:50 AM
Hey there girls!  A big warm welcome to Amber, Elizabeth and Georgette. Also, welcome back Tasha.

Yes, I think people get tied up in life and other things so I definitely would not take non-replies as rejection. All are welcome to join in on our on-going conversation.

Doing well here. Almost finished unpacking from my move to my new house. Actually hung some pictures on the walls yesterday. That's usually the last step.

My "girls" have been hurting quite a bit lately so I think they might me on a growth cycle. Hope so. Getting real tired of the forms. They just won't stay in place anymore but I don't fill my bra yet either.

It's interesting how many say they knew from early on that something was different. I seem to be a somewhat unique case since other than a few hints along my life, I had no clue until it hit my like a Mac truck at 52. Now I absolutely know I am doing the right thing and have never been happier although I go through many episodes of dysphoria. Hate that so much!

Love my new house although I have many projects ahead that are not cheap. Love not having to worry if my TV is too loud and was hanging pictures late last night with no worries of neighbors.

The only thing I have noticed that there are some areas around here where I am not comfortable. I find if I go south to the stores there it is much better. I also haven't figured out a route for my walks. Just not sure yet. Still gaining weight too. So frustrating. I keep finding myself eating the stuff that is sure to bring on the weight. Ugh.

Anyway, good to hear from you all, especially the new comers. Please feel free to join in on the conversation any time. :)

Jenny


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 25, 2017, 12:14:54 PM
Okay, being petty and kind of a B here, mostly because I'm really upset about something entirely unrelated, but really?  A welcome for me, but a welcome back for Tasha?  This is the exact same kind of crap that I was just talking about as far as exclusion.  Not only have I been in this since darn near the beginning (long before it was spilt off into a separate thread), but I even wrote about such and how excluding and cliquish it felt.  Clearly you didn't read it as more than a casual glance at best.  Also, since you didn't recognize that I have been here on occasion it mean you don't read others posts very much either.  That level of self-absorbedness is exactly the kind of thing I complained about.

I realize I'm over reacting, but screw it, my emotions are every bit as valid as others. In this moment, I don't care to self censor and give benefit of the doubt.   It most likely was an oversight but eff it. Psa be aware of the subtleties of how you say things.  Little things can seriously upset others.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 25, 2017, 12:18:20 PM
Amber, I am so sorry!  Please accept my apologies. I was only trying to be welcoming to all. It was. It was not my intent to offend you. I feel horrible. Yes, I have read your posts. I just said that because I personally have not had interaction with you in the past. I am so sorry I offended you.


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 25, 2017, 12:19:51 PM
Yeah I feel horrible too.  Seems to be the general outcome of most things I do.  Sorry

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 25, 2017, 12:20:25 PM
Hugs :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 25, 2017, 12:26:18 PM
Fab news Rachel and gratz on the name change.

As long as you are truly happy being Rachel then I'm cool with it. If it felt like I did as Alice for a day then hell no.

Don't worry though no matter the name we still love ya ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 25, 2017, 12:35:22 PM
I am extatic about it Jerrica. I am honoured to take that name, I always new it would have been the girl in the houses name.
Names aren't really something I care too much about, I prefer that someone else would name me lol
The fact that mum put the foot down and wanted me to use Rachel is just so nice :3
My glowing will continue for a while!
Feels weird referring to myself as Rachel :')
But that's me now
Thanks Jerrica
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 25, 2017, 12:35:44 PM
Glad to hear you're settling in at your new place Jenny and intrigued  (maybe jealous) of your breast pain.

Uncomfortable areas sounds troubling though so be careful out there.

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 25, 2017, 12:39:36 PM
Being named is very cool especially by your mum to a name you already wanted is a total bonus. Awesomeness indeed.

I'll just need to overuse your name Rachel until I get the hang of it ;)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 25, 2017, 12:42:48 PM
Yea the whole new house thing is great.
I was looking at a house not to far from me back home in Ireland.
Take a look. I duno could If I could afford the repayments

https://www.propertypal.com/752-feeny-road-dungiven/452579/photo-11
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 25, 2017, 12:44:23 PM
Nice. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 25, 2017, 12:44:30 PM
OMG that's gorgeous Rachel!!!!

Tempted to offer to move in lol

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 25, 2017, 12:46:36 PM
Isn't it??
We should all just chip in. Lol
All move in!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 25, 2017, 12:47:51 PM
Yea, but washer and dryer in the kitchen?  Is that a European thing?


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 25, 2017, 12:49:40 PM
Looks kinda like Downton Abbey. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 25, 2017, 12:55:58 PM
I think that was a "utility room" lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Jenny0713 on April 25, 2017, 01:09:38 PM
Oh. :)


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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 25, 2017, 01:26:10 PM
i've been trying to post and every time I click reply it says there are X new replies.... which I then go back and read haha

Amber, I want everyone to feel welcome here. I think we are a great group of women and I, for one, am happy to support, share experiences or otherwise help anyone I can. I sometimes feel like other people don't post because we  have this small group who always posts. Anyone is welcome to chime in whenever they want.

I think we each post when we want to or need to. Sometimes we just post to let others know how we are doing and sometime life gets so crazy we don't have time to post. whatever your reasons are for posting or not are fine. 

Tasha, I know you are busy with work and life things. I think you are with us all in spirit as much as we all are with you and each other. I believe any one here would be there in an instant if I really needed someone as I would be for each of you.   

As trans people I think we often face more challenges, in certain ways, then anyone, . Even others in the LBGQT community. things have gotten better and I believe they will continue to do so. in 2015 Alberta, the province I live in, updated the Alberta human rights act to include gender identity, gender expression etc. Last week a similar amendment to the Canadian human rights act passed the senate. these are important changes that will make things better but it just make an uphill battle a little easier. us trans people need to stick together until it is no longer an uphill battle.

Rachel, I'm happy it's going well for you with family members. I have a a trans friend FTM who's female name is Rachel. Unfortunately he isn't out to any of his family members because he doesn't think they would be accepting. It's great that your name is what your mum would've given you and I think a small change as it just switches your middle name for your first.

that is a beautiful home and I would totally move in with you. maybe marry a pretty Irish girl... hehe I do have a bit of Irish in me.  ;)  hahaha

I think I covered everything I want to. take care everyone.

Sarah
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 25, 2017, 01:36:50 PM
Luxury having washer and dryer in the kitchen. My kitchen is too small so the dryer is in the garage lol

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 25, 2017, 01:44:26 PM
Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 25, 2017, 01:26:10 PM
I do have a bit of Irish in me.  ;)  hahaha

Sarah

I'll bet you do. What's her name ;)

x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 25, 2017, 01:55:36 PM
LOL Jerrica. very funny but I'm serious I'm kind of a British isles mutt. I have british, scotish, welsh and irish from my mum's side. French from my dads side. interesting tidbit, I think. my great great (insert many greats) grandfather came to Canada in 1792.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 25, 2017, 02:12:39 PM
ohhhhhh I just noticed something... while disappointingly my bust measurement hasn't increased.  :icon_cry: I figured my growing pains was more just breast development and additional breast tissue. before I could run up or down stairs and while my boobs would bounce a little it wasn't that bad. I just ran up the stairs and I had to hold them to keep them from bouncing up and down. YAY!! breast development.

I was topless... well birthday suit really except for socks. I don't want my feet to get cold. hahah sorry if TMI

Oh I just thought of something else. funny story. So I went to a dinner theater last week with another trans girl. which is in a shopping mall here. after the show I had to pee and I figured the bathrooms in the theater would be busy. so I went to use a mall bathroom. the mall was long closed and pretty deserted. as we were walking towards the bathroom I thought and then said "i kind of want to use a urinal." my friend says you go right ahead but I'm using the ladies room.

At first I walked into the ladies room with her. Then I remembered how liberating it was when I could comfortably do so and I thought screw this I'm going into the other one. which I did. I did my thing and was walking towards the sinks to wash my hands when I a guy walked in. he saw me, stopped, and walked backwards back out of the door to look at the sign to make sure he was in the right bathroom. as he did I said in the best female voice I could muster that he was in the right one. by the time I got to the sink I was laughing so hard it made me self conscious and I ran out and into the ladies room to wash my hands. ROFLMAO
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 25, 2017, 02:13:37 PM
Probably a party in  DNA so you're in good company.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 25, 2017, 02:27:26 PM
Love the story Sarah.  I still prefer the convenience of urinals, but it's very akward if someone enters, so I just use the ladies room.

I just got into a little scuffle with a cashier who was arguing that my I'd wasn't me.  Eventually I had to explain that I am transgender.  Nice, but annoying nonetheless.  Life sure knows how to pick timing.  Any other day I would be tickled pink, today it was just annoying.  Tbf my I'd photo was taken 3 years ago and I had a goatee.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 25, 2017, 03:03:46 PM
Thanks Sarah, it's totally great having this name I think. And I think it does suit me. I wanted this name anyway, but I want mum to want me to have it. And she did...  :D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 25, 2017, 03:05:33 PM
Oh and you are very gutsy using a urinal girl, I would never.

The ID must be a balls too Amber, I'm gonna have to get all this sorted out soon.
I never use my ID for anything, but sure as hell, the day I'm out cleaned up I'll get pulled over or something lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 25, 2017, 03:13:59 PM
I've gotten some weird looks before, but this is the first time anyone actually questioned it.  Seriously, if I was going to use a fake I'd don't you think I would have picked something closer or at least the correct gender.

Actually I couldn't pick anything closer to me...Because it is me! Sheesh!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 25, 2017, 06:28:58 PM
LOL I would NEVER have gone in there if the mall wasn't closed and basically deserted. I was a little shocked when the guy walked in. perhaps it was someone from the dinner theater although the bathroom was a fair ways away.... anyway, I got a hell of a laugh out of it.

I can't imagine the whole ID thing and I don't really want to. although I don't look quite like my picture I don't look that different either and the name and gender match. I couldn't wait to get that taken care of. As soon as I got my Certificate of Change of Name I went to the registry and changed everything I could. Once I had my new birth certificate everything else was done. I was pretty much done by August of last year. Although i still need a new passport
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Georgette on April 25, 2017, 08:08:46 PM
Wow using a urinal, haven't done that in at least 40 + years.  Don't think I would ever have done that after I started transition.  Even when I still dressed male for work.

When I was transitioning I learned the wrong way to not talk in a large ladies room.  Still won't.

When camping with family is the only time I miss having something to aim when hiking.

Being new here, seems like I came in the middle of a lot of conversations.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 25, 2017, 09:56:18 PM
yes georgette, this has been an on going conversation for over a year now. Amber has been around the longest, Tasha joined shortly thereafter, then Rachel and jerrica. a few people have popped in for a post or two but nobody else has stuck around. i suppose it could be a little tough since we have gotten to know each other over all this time and it's a lot to read through if you try and start at the beginning.

I don't remember the last time I used a urinal, not counting the other day. it's been a while since I even stepped foot in a mens rooms. the days are numbered that I'm still able to so no harm in indulging myself once in a while. haha use a urinal that is. I'm also not sure what that number might be. I was thinking that I might see surgery late next year. If I have to wait to apply for funding until the end of the year. but I thought of a way I might be able to meet the governments requirements and apply in June or July as I was hoping. we'll see. I will keep you girls updated as I find out more. but think happy thoughts for Sarah getting surgery sooner then later.  ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 26, 2017, 01:16:19 AM
Same with me for ID Sarah. Even carrying something with his name on it would freak me out.

Only 5 pieces of paper remain with his name that could ever realistically see the light of day. My birth certificate, my marriage certificate and my kids birth certificates. The first 2 will be changed soon. The last 3 I don't mind he was their father but I'm technically their evil step mother (woman married to their mother) - they love their 2nd mum ofc but hey if fairy tales have taught us anything it's that step mothers are evil Mwahahaha.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 26, 2017, 01:21:37 AM
Whoops missed a post.

The urinal thing you might as well get some fun out of it so enjoy lol

Urinals always gave me the wiggins but then again my original parts weren't exactly standard issue.

It's been a quick and awesome year+ with great company from the girls. I was never very good at thinking or talking about trans stuff (still not - major denial issues - simply put I'm not trans I'm just a "normal" girl) but despite my "issues" I connected with them surprisingly easily. Maybe as we were all going through the same stuff at the same time or maybe just because they are awesome. Either way this thread is kinda my go to page for Susan's :)

Ooh chance of early surgery sounds ace. Fingers crossed.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 26, 2017, 02:12:49 AM
Urinals always freaked me out, only if the was no toilet free would I go to one.
I would not be able to pee if someone was beside me, I would only finish up when they moved on.
Sometimes I would give up leave and come to get into a toilet lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 26, 2017, 02:16:16 AM
Good morning Rachael and yay for the name change on forum :)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 26, 2017, 03:10:01 AM
Morning Jerrica, :) yea it looks great when I see it wrote down.
Michelle got it sorted for me :3
I feel amazing today too, my female cousins left me a message last night too when I was asleep, full of love and support, I am soooo lucky.
She is great Chloe is :')
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 26, 2017, 03:45:30 AM
Think you might have made into the family women's circle.

So happy for you Rachel :)

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 26, 2017, 05:42:52 AM
Maybe so, I must still tread carefully for now. I need to deal with work. Atleast the boss needs to know
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 26, 2017, 06:51:08 AM
Only a matter of time until Rachel Christina is all people know when they see you.

It is so good though when you finally get rid of the fear of wondering how people would react if they knew.
Once everyone knows you're a girl there is no secret any more and that part is awesome.

Fun times ahead but gonna be your own personal rollercoaster for emotions between terror, relief and ecstasy before things just become mundane again. Then of course later you look back and go "Huh that was easier than I thought".

It eventually becomes a game thinking of anyone who doesn't know who you are then hunting them down  ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on April 26, 2017, 06:57:35 AM
Oh it is such a relief already the few people I have dealt with.
What would be really funny would be say, a reunion at school or something. Would be well nerve racking but hilarious too
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 26, 2017, 09:00:07 AM
Ha ha that would be hysterical but no way. School was bad enough when I was dead so defo not rooting about there now I'm alive.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on April 26, 2017, 09:55:14 AM
The coming out process is certainly daunting.  I do not agree that you have to hunt down those who don't know.  It's really only important for you to tell the people you think should know.  It honestly depends on how your social group is structured.  For my part I told a few close friends and most of my family directly.  I told my dungeons and dragons group (for which I am the dm around April  of last year)  The exceptions being my half brother and my eldest sister.  I know my mom told my brother and he does not approve, I don't have much of a relationship with him anyway so I was okay with that.  My sister I haven't spoken to (except one time that I got blindsided by) in seven years.  I finally told my father last week and that was odd.  I started a thread about that one.  I told my job shortly after the new year.  Otherwise, I tell people if I run into them if they ask.  I do not hide who I am, or go out of my way to notify people.

I stopped by my alma mater a few weeks ago to see a few professors that I enjoyed.  They were not forewarned and amusingly one tried to hold the door for me as if I was a stranger( I only graduated 2 years ago).  I was very amused and had to explaining​ that I was here to see him.  This was a professor I spent significant time with since he was my advisor and head of the forensics program I was vp of.  All were cool.  Long-winded moral of the story is do it how you feel comfortable.

I have my 20 year reunion coming up in 2019.  Not sure if I will go or not.   I went to the 15 year one out of curiosity and it was pleasant enough.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on April 26, 2017, 02:50:11 PM
Anyone tried using a hula hoop for toning up your waist?

I'd forgotten just how good it was but now I've finally got an outlet for my exercise craving to get me through the next 13 days.

Started back on it a few days ago and God it feels like my midriff has been worked over by a couple of blacksmiths it hurts so good :)

It's a weighted hoop so it's easy to use but good as you can feel it massaging/battering the tissues into shape.

Between that, diet shakes for breakfast/lunch, tons of water, 8+ hours sleep and my waist trainer at night I'm feeling good.

Might even get that bikini body in time for my holiday but that depends on how much I can "enhance" my bikini top without it looking fake ;) Let's face it at 5'10" an A cup isn't going to cut it for the look I'm after.

Love my swimsuit ofc with its integrated  shapewear/corset and padded bust but bikini would be a good one to tick on my eternal list.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 06, 2017, 05:14:50 AM
Again Rachel I'm so happy things have gone good for you. I know it was such a relief for me when I was "done" coming out. As Amber said, which I agree with, you only need to personally tell the people that you think need to know. for close family and friends I wanted to tell them personally where I was able to. I did get a little impatient after telling most people and came out on Facebook. The rest have found out through family talking..

seriously though, I couldn't wait to be done with it. it was getting too hard emotionally and psychologically having to go from Sarah to Him.... coming out is also easier when people are positive and supportive. which, for the most part, pretty much entirely really, everyone was. I'm happier and healthier for it.

My dysphoria affected my life before even though I couldn't identify the 'cause. Once I put the pieces together and understood what transgender meant, I HAD to transition. a few days before I saw the gender psychiatrist last time I had a thought and it was sort of an imaginary conversation with someone. they asked why I would choose to transition when I could face discrimination and all these negative things. my answer was simple because if I didn't I would have ended up killing myself. I told him about this and his response was simple too. "he's heard that from many transgender people"

So I know we've talked a lot about bottom surgery but I'm not sure or don't recall much about any other surgeries each of us might want. so i'm sure I would've mentioned it at some point but pretty much since day one there have been 3 things that I have been concerned about. hips, boobs and nose. The nose I was going to do no matter what. the hips and boobs I will worry about after I've been on hormones for a while. By the end of the year I should have some idea whether or not I will need them. Anyway, I didn't really think I would do anything else to my face beside the nose....

today after scrutinizing my nose... a lot. I HAVE to do something with it. but now I'm seriously considering some other things... forehead contouring, hairline advancement, removal of buccal fat pads. lately I have also been thinking about getting ab contouring done. so I'm thinking of getting some lipo suction on my abdomen and sides.... and then depending how that goes I will decide whether to get the sculpting done. what do you think girls??
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 06, 2017, 05:51:44 AM
oh I just thought of something else. I'm well past half done my electroylsis I've gotten lucky and had some really fast students lately. a few more hours and the area all around my mouth should be pretty much done. my cheeks are pretty much cleared and one side under my jaw is just about cleared. the other side is getting pretty thin. I still have a decent patch under my chin which I have been avoiding in favor of more visible areas.

since I started Estrogen I've been obsessed with finishing the hair removal on my face.  I'm so excited with the progress.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 06, 2017, 05:58:21 AM
I'd make one last tweak on who to tell and to clarify my hunting comment.

Being amnesia chick is fun but I know I've forgotten people some of whom I really would like to have in "my" life as "my" friends. Just because someone knew him before doesn't mean they will even recognise me.

To that end I just reconnected with one of my gamer friends I was with for nearly a decade before I woke up. Naturally she took everything in stride noting major changes in me as person that weren't there before and even helped me remember at least a dozen other people that I want in my life. She also helped to remove my fear of gaming pointing out I put myself in a game for a decade to escape the real world but now I'm happy in the real world it is just a game now. She's a clever girl and very insightful. So I'm going back to WoW and more for a test.

Back on topic though it's nice having no secrets, surprises or fears. Even with boiling the frog you often wonder if you've gone too far and surely someone has to notice but it can be funny and a bit scary at times. After it's all done your life just returns to the mundane fast which is ofc the aim.

I still maintain yous are incredibly strong as I know I couldn't have handled switching. I was that fragile if I saw him in the mirror I could have been lost again so it was me or death.... again. My world though was very small and by the time I made my world bigger I was finished (almost) so everything was dead easy.

As with everything else though it has to be on your terms as and when you decide you are ready.

Surgeries if money was no object there are times I would take everything on offer but most of the time I think "Nah I'm ok". Given my tendency to obsess about things and think them to death I need to remind myself I'm still a teenager in some ways so need to restrain myself at times. Hairline I've thought about a lot recently after I noticed 2 wee triangles I think are probably male-ish and even went as far as researching transplants but my enthusiasm for surgery is usually a knee jerk reaction to if I ever feel lonely or ugly (hello teenager ofc I feel that way at times) so I come back out of it again.

I'm not perfect nor will I ever be in so far as being a covergirl but I can live with that and happy just being ordinary looking. Tall (5'10") but that's the only really distinctive thing about me and being tall is pretty cool tbh. I've always had a thing for tall girls with small breasts and generally slim/athletic build so I'm more than ok with being that way :)

Until I get rich I have accepted being normal but am understandably jealous of friends I have met that have had substantial work done and OMG gorgeous. Then again I have other friends that were born gorgeous and I'm jealous of them too ofc.

Friends and family have an inbuilt tendency to overlook what could be considered flaws as we do for them without a thought. At times we really need to give ourselves the same privilege.

Get whatever you want because you want it rather than think you need it.
And above all have fun :D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 06, 2017, 06:01:01 AM
Mega gratz on the electrolysis.

One of the last rituals I was glad to be rid of was shaving my face.
Having to do that twice a week was pretty soul destroying.

Loving your progress.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: LizK on May 06, 2017, 06:02:00 AM
Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 06, 2017, 05:51:44 AM
oh I just thought of something else. I'm well past half done my electroylsis I've gotten lucky and had some really fast students lately. a few more hours and the area all around my mouth should be pretty much done. my cheeks are pretty much cleared and one side under my jaw is just about cleared. the other side is getting pretty thin. I still have a decent patch under my chin which I have been avoiding in favor of more visible areas.

since I started Estrogen I've been obsessed with finishing the hair removal on my face.  I'm so excited with the progress.

Its a nice feeling when you can see some concrete progress and know you are finally making good headway. My Electrologist told me at my last session that another 2-3hrs with injections and we will be struggling to find an hours work each week...I can still remember after that first session(I lasted 10 minutes) and sitting in my car and bawling my eyes out in sheer frustration at what was ahead of me and how insurmountable it looked. The thought of there being an end...never 
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 06, 2017, 06:15:54 AM
I feel that way now. I'm down to an hour but god it's torture now.

Long gone are the days of sleeping for 4 hours while she worked on me.

Thank god it's nearly over as with my sensitivity increasing every day I always hurts a bit more than the last time.
I use Codryamol (Dihydro-codeine & paracetamol) to take the edge off but even that doesn't protect me much now.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Laurie on May 06, 2017, 10:11:08 AM
Quote from: Rebecca on May 06, 2017, 06:15:54 AM
I feel that way now. I'm down to an hour but god it's torture now.

Long gone are the days of sleeping for 4 hours while she worked on me.

Thank god it's nearly over as with my sensitivity increasing every day I always hurts a bit more than the last time.
I use Codryamol (Dihydro-codeine & paracetamol) to take the edge off but even that doesn't protect me much now.

  Ladies! ladies, You are not making this any easier. I just mustered up the gumption to call an electrologist yesterday to talk about possibly making an appointment with her. I left my name and number for her to call back. Now I jump when the phone rings.

  Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Georgette on May 07, 2017, 12:27:57 AM
Laser than Electrolysis, so much fun unless you are the one getting it.  No laser 40 years ago.  I was lucky, didn't have too much or heavy facial hair.

All these talks about all the surgeries nowadays.  Very little available that I had heard about 40 years ago.  Seeing some of the gals getting it today, it can be subtle to quite extensive.

At my age and after all these years, doubt if it would be worth it now.  Could stand the facelift from that under chin "turkey" neck though.

Or a decent breast lift, they are long gone not perky anymore.  I didn't have one but something to think about all those wanting a larger BA.  Not sure how they hold up, so to speak.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 07, 2017, 01:10:36 AM
Thanks Sarah, the acceptance I have so far received has been surreal. I can't believe my luck.
I know my dad is still weird with me, but that is him all over, and its no surprise really, it's not even him against the idea of trans people, or me being trans. It's just typically him

The surgery thing ha, it's a tough one for me to think about, especially the face changing ones, SRS is a given but I don't see it on the same level as the more cosmetic procedures.
I too worry about my nose at times.
Maybe it could be done, I have seen some however who seem to pass through some sort of cookie cutting technique and end up looking all the same, and for me this look is very unnatural.
I have become happier with how I look mind so I feel less and less inclined to think about facial surgery.

The hip and waist thing is probably a job for fitness, the more I have tightened my core the more my hips seem to pop
I worry too about all the scars involved
I have seen some pretty bad hairline advancement scars :S

I just hope my boobs manage to get their way to an AA cup atleast, I don't want implants :S

And Jerrica!!! You game???
FPS???
Xbox one? O:
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 07, 2017, 03:41:32 AM
Quicky for scars I don't know what's good or bad for hairline advancement scars but my eyes are wickedly good but once my eyes find a scarline it gets way easier to see. That's my major hang up for surgeries lucky I like me (most of the time)

Yeah I used to be a WoW raider from vanilla before then anything but mostly RPGs.

Pretty much up for anything although I'm now more interested in the people than the games themselves. Started Diablo 3 at the weekend which is so much fun.

I'm a total noob right now but relearning really fast. Guess my muscles remember how to do it all better than I do but hurts like hell like a gaming session is a total endurance exercise.

Think its time to embrace my destiny as a gamer chick. Got a new yummy laptop and not afraid to use it :) 
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 10, 2017, 02:00:44 AM
Hi Laurie, good luck on your electroylsys adventure. I hope it's a short one for you.

unfortunately my hair is too light for laser (mostly blonde) so it was my only option. I'm naturally not very hairy even face wise but i HATE it all!!! I think i still have another 15 - 20 hours before my face is to the point where it'll be an hour or less just for clearing. but that is mostly side burns and under the chin. I've also started working on my arm pits. I absent mindedly shaved my face the day before my appointment. I was like "well they can work on my arm pits" but now that i've started I want them done too. it seems like it never ends.

Surgeries, except GCS as that'll be ASAP, it's all still dreams and maybe....  I think I'll have a better idea what I will get done at the end of the year.

So, I went to a movie (gifted) tonight and don't want to be a spoiler so I won't say anything about the movie but I was a little up set thinking of family members that are having a hard time/aren't accepting of my gender change afterwards. There aren't many but unfortunately it affects my relationship with other family member that are ok with it. So, then I was walking through the mall and I walked past this lingerie store. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw something cute so i stopped and turned around to go look at it. it was a couple bathing suits that i thought were cute. I admired them and thought I wish I could wear them. then thought when I can wear bathing suits I'll buy them.

I was already a little emotional and I only made it a few steps before I started crying. So, I stopped walking. A couple min later a couple of Cops were walking by me and asked if I was ok. when I answered they could tell I was crying and they stopped. I talked to them for a couple of min. when they were satisfied I was ok and not up to no good they continued on. I'm not really sure exactly what did it but I'm pretty sure they weren't tears of joy. I've had those about transitioning.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on May 10, 2017, 02:26:47 AM
Yea the whole family thing can be really downing for us.
I'm sorry it had to creep up on you like this, these waves of crying can just happen at the worst times :/
Hopefully family members will all eventually come round
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 10, 2017, 03:38:50 AM
Electrolysis on armpits sounds intense no idea whether it'd be ticklish or agony but either way I'd imagine a lot of it.

My pits were just lasered with the rest of me. Face like yourself was mostly light so electrolysis was the only way to go.

Not seen the movie but sad to think some family members would not accept you.

Tears could be a combo of the movie, the family thing and bathing suit reminders. Whenever I went swimming I had to think differently in constant fear of a wardrobe malfunction. This fear would daisy chain onto my being different (a freak) which could easily lead onto tears of why couldn't I have had a normal girl body. Add that to your family stuff and I'd probably end up ugly crying in the mall.

Hope your family members come to their senses for their benefit before they lose you without even knowing you.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Laurie on May 10, 2017, 11:46:19 AM

  Thanks Sarah. I'm still playing phone tag with the local electrologist to find out costs and schedule a consult.  Went to my therapy session en femme for the first time yesterday. My therapist said he hopes to see me come to sessions as myself more often.

Laurie
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: LizK on May 10, 2017, 11:46:41 PM
Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 10, 2017, 02:00:44 AM

I was already a little emotional and I only made it a few steps before I started crying. So, I stopped walking. A couple min later a couple of Cops were walking by me and asked if I was ok. when I answered they could tell I was crying and they stopped. I talked to them for a couple of min. when they were satisfied I was ok and not up to no good they continued on. I'm not really sure exactly what did it but I'm pretty sure they weren't tears of joy. I've had those about transitioning.

Isn't it awful when you can feel the tears starting you know that no matter what you try and do you are gong to shed some tears regardless and then some kind well meaning soul wants to comfort you..... "what ever could be wrong"...ahhh...its a little complicated....(sigh) Families....what would we do without them!!!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Laurie on May 11, 2017, 01:12:23 AM
Quote from: Laurie on May 10, 2017, 11:46:19 AM
  Thanks Sarah. I'm still playing phone tag with the local electrologist to find out costs and schedule a consult.  Went to my therapy session en femme for the first time yesterday. My therapist said he hopes to see me come to sessions as myself more often.

Laurie

  Update: Phone tag is over and I have a date for the 18th to start electrolysis.  Got some advice from a couple friends on the forum too.
  Let the pain begin!  lol

Laurie
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 11, 2017, 05:23:46 AM
Like my mum and sis remind me "beauty is pain". Never fails to make me smile.

I'm sure you'll be fine I'm just a wuss.

On the topic of tips when I got some electrolysis on my genitals I used EMLA cream to numb it. As it turned out with Chet I didn't need genital electrolysis so I stopped that once I found out. An intense experience but manageable. Made my face seem a lot easier for a while after it lol.

In the end I'm sure it will be worth every zap.

Sent from my GT-I9195I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Laurie on May 11, 2017, 01:50:25 PM
Thank you Rebecca,

   I did send off a message to my doctor requesting EMLA and asking him for his ideas and/or suggestions. We shall see how it goes in a week.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on May 12, 2017, 09:12:01 AM
Hi Ladies,

Just checking in.  All this talk of electrolysis.  I could use it, but it's not in the cards anytime soon due to financial reasons.  Luckily my facial hair is blonde so not a whole lot of beard shadow.  It would be nice to not have to spend so much time shaving every morning though.  I can get by with every other day, but it irritates me.  Living in the middle of nowhere means my options are limited for electrolysis anyway.  It's on my someday list.

Sorry to hear about your emotional day Sarah.  They happen sometimes.  I hope your doing better now.  I've been pretty emotionally unstable lately myself.  Not weepy, but irritable and such.  I honestly believe it's a reaction to being cooped up in the house so much lately.  I turn into a real jerk after about 2 days cooped up.  Plenty of things to be doing, but no desire to do them.

Our eldest daughter was formally diagnosed with ADHD and we started her on medicine.  It seems to help her somewhat, though I think the dosing will change next week when we go back for a follow up.  This has been another source of my foul mood lately.  She is a little me.  She acts so similar to how I did as a child.  I've suspected strongly for years that I had, and still suffer from, undiagnosed ADHD.  To get her help makes me so happy.  However, I see the effects on her and lament that I am unable to get that same help.  Back in 2012 I was seeing a psychiatrist about depression and moods.  I brought up that I thought I had ADHD and she just said, "we don't deal with adult ADHD here". That was it, end of discussion.  Seriously wtf.  I just let it drop.  I wan to do something about it but we are poor, have crappy health insurance and I can't afford to go out of network to do anything about getting help.  We are getting prescriptions for our daughter through our family Dr.  I've thought about asking him, but I assume he will just try to refer me back to psychiatry (the same a-holes who dismissed it to begin with).  It sucks to be poor and it's incredibly difficult to not be poor when your conditions remove most chance of successful long term employment.  Just very frustrating.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 12, 2017, 06:39:51 PM
Hey everyone,
great news about getting your appointment Laurie. EMLA cream is an over the counter item here. Canada, Alberta to be specific I suppose it could vary from one province to the next. i also only use it on my upper lip the rest is tolerable without anything. I don't know about there but it's also not cheap and you only get a tiny little tube of it. 

I don't know if anyone else mentioned but I know for myself it's more painful if I'm not well rested. Also being as relaxed as possible usually makes it more tolerable for me as well.

I know I've mentioned it before but for anyone that reads this that lives in a larger city. I go to a school it's a fraction of the cost of professional electrolysis. I would not be anywhere  near as far along if I had to pay full price. after my session yesterday the girl let me look at my sheet and I counted up how many appointments I've had. I've had about 60 hours of electrolysis on my face.  which is how much I thought I had. I'm guesstimating about another 15 - 20 and my face will be pretty much clear. perhaps a little less. it will depend a lot on the students I get to work on me. Also, since I started taking Estrogen the area under my jaw is a lot more sensitive. 

Sorry to hear about your difficulties Amber. It seems a little weird that a Psychiatrist would say they don't treat it but not give you some advice about who would. Doesn't seem very helpful.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 13, 2017, 01:07:57 AM
Oh good call Sarah I forgot electrolysis tips and great news for your progress. Won't be long until you can bin the razor :)

Drink loads of water which you should be doing anyway to keep your skin hydrated to speed up healing and reduce initial damage.

Also one I learned the hard way is to avoid caffeine. Being a stimulant it amplifies pain.

After a particularly late night at work I was hitting the caffeine hard through coffee, chocolate and tablets but OMG the pain that night at electrolysis was through the roof. Tears flowing freely as time went on but I managed to stay still and avoid ugly crying until the end.

My electrolycist was surprised as although it has hurt a bit more each time I've handled it well. When chatting to her I mentioned I was maybe just tired as my body was running on caffeine and sugar that day.

She gave me "that look" and went like yeah caffeine boosts all your responses including pain.

So obvious I should have known after that I've pretty much stopped caffeine. Well for that and I heard it can inhibit breast development (right or wrong I don't care I'll play safe).
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on May 13, 2017, 01:18:28 AM
No idea what you use after but I've got the Sterex witch hazel gel which feels great.

I get mine done at night and the next morning I'm all back to normal. Well close enough at least; I can see a bit or 2 but nothing that would draw attention.

At first I got it done on a Saturday morning and by the Monday I'd still look a bit like I'd been attacked by a swarm of angry bees but I was doing 3-4 hours at a time. By the next session my skin would be flawless and ready to go through it all again.

One thing is for sure though it's worth every second.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: LizK on May 13, 2017, 01:52:41 AM
Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on May 12, 2017, 06:39:51 PM

I don't know if anyone else mentioned but I know for myself it's more painful if I'm not well rested. Also being as relaxed as possible usually makes it more tolerable for me as well.


I know for me if I am able to relax I can cope much better, I have Valium prescribed if I need it. The more relaxed I am the more likely I am being able to "breathe" through the pain. I have been Asking my Tech to target specific hairs and show me different levels of "currents" to see what I can tolerate. I have numbing injections but I also get my Tech to work on other area's other then the numb area alternating between so I can "recover"....being relaxed makes such a difference when she is working in the area with no coverage.


Quote from: Rebecca on May 13, 2017, 01:07:57 AM

Also one I learned the hard way is to avoid caffeine. Being a stimulant it amplifies pain.

After a particularly late night at work I was hitting the caffeine hard through coffee, chocolate and tablets but OMG the pain that night at electrolysis was through the roof. Tears flowing freely as time went on but I managed to stay still and avoid ugly crying until the end.


I understood that caffeine can make things worse but I didn't realise the impact could make such a difference. I will normally have 2 -3 cups in the morning and then nothing till later again in the day....Looks like I need to revaluate my coffee intake. I have always ensured I drank plenty of water and moisturise religiously...but the caffeine :eusa_doh:
I have elected to have additional short 20 min sessions each week with Emla cream only, to clear up the stragglers. I really need to have a look at my prep for these days, because if I am honest the last prep I did was awful and so was my session....thanks for the timely reminders ladies  :D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Dena on May 13, 2017, 09:42:18 AM
Part of the problem is caffeine is a diuretic which would counter your effort to remain hydrated. Not all people respond to caffeine in the same way. In my  case, I seem to be somewhat sensitive to most of the effects and while it keeps me from sleeping well, it doesn't really keep me from feeling sleepy when I drink it. Because of this, I limit my self to ice tea once in a while.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Laurie on May 13, 2017, 04:07:29 PM
Hi ladies,

  Thanks for the tips and info. It took me two attempts but my doctor said he will have some EMLA creme sent out. My electrologist did warn me about caffeine and recommended drinking lots of water. Seems everyone wants me to drown myself these days. That reminds me I need to get drink some more in prep of my labs and IV on Monday. 3 month CT scan don'tcha know?  I think I'll go to the store and look for some witch hazel too.  I'm excited to be starting electrolysis but a little apprehensive at the same time.

  Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on June 25, 2017, 10:37:55 AM
So this thread died for a bit.  Hey Ladies, how's things?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 25, 2017, 11:24:13 AM
Haha hey Amber, I was just thinking of dropping a line this morning, and never got round.
Mad old coincidence lol
For me things are honestly, Fantastic, I couldn't ask for more
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on June 25, 2017, 02:49:21 PM
Well that sounds awesome Rachel.  Things are till very hit or miss for me.  Not a whole lot of changes from before other than fighting with my insurance about ADHD medication prior authorization and crap.  I just miss hearing about how everyone is doing.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 25, 2017, 03:01:11 PM
Just life then so, Insurance can be annoying as hell, like every form of it :@
At the minute I'm just trying to finish registration of my old Bemmer, it has been a real hassle
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FVVhQN6N.jpg&hash=5d096c455488a088ba805ed0c18bcabcc2cd5d6c)
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Christine1 on June 25, 2017, 03:09:07 PM
Nice Bemmer  girl!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 25, 2017, 11:43:24 PM
Thanks Christine, she has been a torture so far as regards registration.
But at 58k kilometers and 1989 I think she is worth it.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on June 27, 2017, 01:19:14 AM
Hey ladies,  just wanted to drop in and say hi. I have too much going on right now to spend much time keeping up. I love and miss you all!!! Hope everything is going well,  glad to see the thread is still alive and kicking!!!

Sent from my HTC6535LVW using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on June 30, 2017, 04:23:10 AM
Hi girls,  thanks for checking in Amber.

not much going on with me just yet. I see an Endo next week and the gender psychiastrist. The endo is the same one that i saw last year that started me on blockers. She wouldn't start me on estrogen because I hadn't seen a gender psychiatrist. I found a family doctor who prescribed me estrogen.  I know I posted about all this before but I'm reminding you all of things.  ;D I don't think I'm taking enough estrogen though so I'm curious to see what she says. I talked to my doctor about it and he says it's fine. but a second opinion can't hurt.

I'm also nervous and anxious to see the gender psychiatrist I will find out if I can apply for funding for surgery. I was going to post and will post an update next week about that.   

as not quite all of you are on my Facebook I will post a short blurb about pride. Pride week was earlier in June here and I walked in the parade. the feeling is indescribable although I wish I got to see all the other floats. I just updated my avatar with a picture of me that day. I was wearing a hat that I'm not in that picture though. I'm not big on hats but I looked super cute with it on. It was the only pride gear I was able to find in stores before the parade.

As i talked about before I'm continuing to make great progress with electrolysis. it's just sooo exciting and I love not having much hair. I'm just over 100 hours now. I easily have a couple dozen more hours left. it's strange the area below my jaw is a lot more sensitive since I started HRT.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on June 30, 2017, 04:46:19 AM
You look amazing going by your do Sarah, wow!
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on June 30, 2017, 09:33:01 AM
Omg Sarah, you are cute as a button!  I hope the gender psychiatrist visit goes well.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on July 04, 2017, 10:06:57 PM
awwww thanks Amber and Rachel. I'm not big on hats but I looked even cuter with it on that day.  ;D ;D

So doctor appointment # 1 for the week is done. I saw the endocrinologist this morning. She changed everything. she said the patch the other doctor put me on;  they don't use it for girls that are transitioning. it is ONLY a birth control patch.  So she changed my patch to one called Climara. This one doesn't have progesterone but she gave me a prescription for that. She also told me to cut back on the Spiro, again. the other doctor had doubled the dose that she originally put me on. at my request he has cut it back twice but she told me to go back to the original dose she had prescribed. which from my research should be more then enough.

  she said I should see even better changes with all of this so hopefully she is right.

I hope you all are doing good.  :icon_yikes:
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on July 05, 2017, 05:45:37 AM
All going great hon and sorry it too me so long to check the thread.
I've been weaning myself off of Tapatalk as I tend to get drawn in way too easily :D

Bizarre yet ultimately fab news that your meds are being changed.
You're gorgeous already but always good to get the numbers where you want them.

All busy here just getting on with life is exhausting. I really should just retire (lol I wish I've got years left until then).
Even with there being 2 moms in the house we're always busy one way or another.

Very rarely think about anything trans related which I guess means I'm cured but still think about y'all ofc.
Was missing Thailand strangely enough it feels like forever ago but it was one hell of a trip. Think I just miss being on holiday in the sun with no responsibilities or anything.

That said I do love my life. My wife continues to get more awesome and now regularly and comfortably refers to me as her wife  :-* My youngest Mum's me constantly which I love. The others mostly call me by name but that's ok too and I love them just as much as ever.

Ok so body stuff update.

Vag is fully healed with only 2 very small scars left to go away and looks perfectly normal which is a relief given how much I was freaking out postop looking like frankenpussy. As my electrolycist so eloquently put it "Congratulations your vagina looks like a vagina!!!!". The wee scars could easily be attributed to ingrown hairs and she'd not give it a second thought if doing a bikini area. With her not being the compliments for the sake of them type that is as good an approval as I can get.

Sex and the big O. Sounds dramatic like something is coming but no and no lol. Sex I've honestly no interest in which is actually kinda nice but I do get a bit curious at times. When my darling wife ordered me into bed and ravished me sure I enjoyed it OMG did I enjoy it but not that way. Maybe when I grow up things will change but for now I'm totally cool with it as I've got so many other things to keep me busy.

Breasts have recovered from my T exposure and think they are growing. Right is bigger than my left but I'm sure they'll end up close enough. Going braless now which is fun even if DD can't look at me straight if my nipples are pointing at her  :D I have a totally unprovable theory that being braless is the right thing for me as it allows them to bounce and move which I am hoping will encourage growth. Either way it feels nice so win:win

Will give them to next year before considering progesterone or surgery. Tbh I don't see me doing BA as even what I've got right now looks good. My breasts are small make no mistake about that but they work if you know what I mean.

Electrolysis still on 1 hour a week but will be dropping again soon.

Laser I've not had for ages but will as soon as I can afford it hair is very fine but legs and bikini area still need some work.

My neck surgery didn't really work as it's defo reattached but decided I can handle it for now.
First priority heal the incision and after that I'll focus more directly on breaking the adhesion (difficult but not impossible).
Might get another trip back to London to get the surgeons appraisal. I would let him back in one last time but only if we agree on the adhesion sites being cauterised and a dissolvable membrane being used.

I've been recycling my debts so I've not really paid anything back yet but have got lots of new toys and clothes. I'll repay my debts just need to delay them a wee bit.

And that pretty much brings us up to date for me wee world.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on July 05, 2017, 07:38:01 AM
Oh I did think of one curiosity that catches my mind occasionally.

My skin is changing colour on my head.
The areas I didn't have hair on have gone lighter.

No idea what if anything it means but obv I'm hopeful that it might be a precursor to hair growth.
If I was to have a new hairline the newly coloured parts would be a perfect match.

Hard to say conclusively if anything has changed but I'd swear I can see wee hairs growing.
Probably just wishful thinking but who knows.........
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on July 07, 2017, 02:27:53 AM
Hey girls so appointment #2 for the week is done. it was in another city about an hour and half south of me. I took a friend who's parents live there. she got to visit with them while I went to my appointment.

it was the funnest appointment I've had. we mostly just chatted about things. the bad news however was that I'm going to have to wait until January 3rd of next year to apply for funding. there was some good news they budgeted for 25 surgeries a year however about a third of people don't go through with surgery. so they weren't completing 25 surgeries a year. last year they funded and completed 35 surgeries though. so to account for the people that don't go through with surgery they are approving 46 people and completing another 35 surgeries this year. so hopefully it shortens the wait for surgery. hopefully by the time I apply for funding it won't take that long to actually get it done. 
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rebecca on July 07, 2017, 06:03:37 AM
A shame for the wait but always better something than nothing.

Hard to imagine not going through with surgery but hey ho.

Pity you can't say you'll take a cancellation at like 5 mins notice.
Y'know with people all ready to go ahead then the patient leaves a hole in the wall and ta da a wasted day for the hospital staff is saved when you turn up  ;D

Fingers crossed that you'll get through their list quickly x
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on August 27, 2017, 11:26:22 AM
Well this thread has been incredibly quiet.  I assume it's because we have all been busy living life.  I have some down time and I figured it's time for a nice long update on me!  I have talked to a few of you off Susan's so this may be a rehash.

I got a new job back in July.  Nothing fancy, but a much needed stream of income.  I am Amber at work and that is just awesome.  I was definitely self conscious for the first two weeks since this job entails dealing with the public.  However, it has been totally validating.  No issues, no jerks, lots of ma'am and miss.  Just awesomeness.  Plus since I am a lot more active and eating healthier I've dropped 13 pounds since starting.  I'm working to make sure this trend continues.

I had my 1 year endo visit.  My levels are doing fine and we are pretty much in maintenance mode.   I still would like my E a little bit higher (it's at 128). But I'm getting results and T is in a good spot (26) so it's not worth rocking the boat over.  So nice to not have to go back for 6 months.

I am planning to move forward with getting my name changed in September.  I was mapping out our expenses and realized I have the money to file by mid-month.  That's crazy and awesome.  I called a place about electrolysis to do some pricing.  Turns out I can afford to start that by the end of September.  I discovered my insurance covers orchiectomy, but requires 2 letters.  I broached the subject with my therapist and she is totally okay with writing a letter.  So we are going to spend a little bit of time discussing gender stuff over the next few sessions (I am seeing her for ADHD primarily) and then she will have enough to do that for me.  I will just have to lock down a second letter and I can move forward with planning that.

I have been continuing to bang my head against a brick wall trying to get my ADHD treated.  No one that deals with it seems to accept my insurance.  I have been looking to get a formal evaluation done, but everyone listed seems to only accept my insurance for psychotherapy, not testing.  It's been very demoralizing.  However, I just found out that the office my therapist is at (they historically haven't dealt with adult ADHD) is just drafted guidelines to begin working with adult ADHD.  Apparently, the neuropsychology people accepted my referral and I will hopefully hear from them soon.

We found out that my wife's family has been talking crap about us behind our backs over the last few months.  Apparently, according to the rumors, she doesn't agree with my transition and is now a prisoner in a loveless marriage,  she is miserable, and the kids aren't taking my transition well, etc.  Funny thing is that if any of them bothered to talk to her they would find that these rumors are the exact opposite of the truth.  I feel sorry for my wife.  I am used to my family being a disappointment, this is a new thing for her to deal with.  I told her that I was sorry that I happened to be the catalyst of this, but that type of behavior had always been present among them.

I had noticed over the past few months that I have been developing a more feminine shape.  It's hard to not see it as wishful thinking.  Well I took some measurements when I started work and 3 weeks later and got some neat data.  My under bust dropped 1.5 inches and my over bust stayed the same.  My waist dropped 2.25 inches, while my hips grew 1.75 inches despite losing 13 pounds.  I'm not crazy and it's frickin neat to have data to support these changes.

So many positive changes all happening in rapid succession is just swell.  Aside from being on hormones this last year just felt like a situation of no forward progress regarding transition.

How are all of you ladies doing?

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 28, 2017, 12:27:28 AM
That's really great about getting the job and hopefully being able to advance all these little pieces of your transition.
The smack behind your backs is typical, thers alwayshas gonna be some dud spitting crap, it's sadly how the world goes.
And it's good work on the body changes too.
I haven't been having the best time with loosing my appartement and must leave the country by the end of the year, it has stagnated alot of my transition.
When I get home I will take care of my name change.
Other than trying to stay positive this last week of my holidays, aint much been happening. After this it's 3 months grind and I am home free :)
Hope you all are well.
Rachel
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on August 28, 2017, 08:05:54 AM
So by the end of the year will you be back in Ireland?  It's terrible that you are being forced out.  Luckily for you, you are 10 years younger than I, so life putting the breaks on transition isn't proportionally as wasted [emoji6].

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 28, 2017, 08:50:49 AM
Yep, mid December I'd guess.
My boss is a damn rat. Tossing me for my problem, it has never effected work in anyway.
Oh this won't slow down my transition either, don't worry about that
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on August 28, 2017, 05:10:28 PM
Yeah it's always fun to have a jerk for a boss.  At least you will be home for Christmas.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on August 29, 2017, 07:12:36 PM
Yay now I'm friends with most of you on Facebook and I can keep up with what all of you crazy ladies are up to.  Also, next paycheck I will have the money to file for a name change with the courthouse.  So much awesomeness!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 30, 2017, 02:26:25 AM
We are all connected anyway :)
Though my Facebook is pretty dead lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on August 30, 2017, 09:06:35 AM
I don't use mine much to post, but I like reading updates from others.  Unfortunately many of us have reached a point where we don't post here much because we are just busy living life now.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 30, 2017, 09:57:31 AM
Quote from: amberwaves on August 30, 2017, 09:06:35 AM
I don't use mine much to post, but I like reading updates from others.  Unfortunately many of us have reached a point where we don't post here much because we are just busy living life now.

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In a way it's a very good sign.

Us two duds still linger hahaha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on August 30, 2017, 09:58:19 AM
Dudette, thank you very much [emoji39]

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on August 30, 2017, 10:03:38 AM
Haha duds = loosers
Dudes = bros term
Dudettes = bros term for girls haha

We are just duds haha
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on August 30, 2017, 11:17:34 AM
Hey girls,
  Great to hear things are coming together for you Amber. I thought of posting an update a couple weeks ago then I realized I didn't really have much to share. most of us have stayed in touch on facebook so day to day life things I post there and this site I see more for gender and transition related things.

  so all of my measurements are up. which is good for the hips and bust but I'm seriously POed my waist has continued to go up. grrrrr!  after a few months of little change my boobs are growing again. it seems changing my HRT regime has been a good thing. I was hoping I would get enough growth that I wouldn't want a boob job but it was always a long shot and it doesn't look like I will. but I'm still hoping.

I've been dealing with some health issues the last couple of months. Abdominal pain and bleeding. Things finally hit a breaking point last week. I ended up in emergency three times last week, the last time by ambulance.  a whole lot of tests, xrays, ultra sound, a CT scan and a procedure and still not sure what's going on.  I have another CT scan in a couple hours. the analysis of the tissue samples they took should come back soon. so, between that and this latest scan hopefully I will get some answers.

The doctor has also put me on a restricted diet. I'm following the fodmap diet with the addition of no red meat. if you don't know what that is you can google.  ;D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on August 30, 2017, 02:30:40 PM
Oh that sounds terrible Sarah.  I hope they find out what's wrong soon.

Its still very early for you to be so pessimistic about breast growth.   Remember that you got a late start because the Dr had you on the wrong stuff.  As far as the waist going up, do you think it's related to swelling or anything from all the abdominal issues?

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on August 30, 2017, 10:44:40 PM
yeah I've been a wreck the last couple of months.  the increase in the hips I think is fat because it's  you know more padded. the increase in the abdomen I'm hoping is some swelling, inflammation or something but my weight is also up 8 lbs so i don't know. everything has come back normal so it doesn't seem like that would be the case

You're right Amber and I am hoping for the best for boob growth. I had the same thought about the hormones. maybe I will still get a couple of years of good growth. the have been pretty active for a while now. I've added a 1 1/2 cm in the last month and a bit. a few more cm and I'll be a B cup... i'm getting there slowly but surely.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on September 02, 2017, 09:51:49 AM
So an amazing thing happened at work the other day.  I got hit on by a lesbian coworker.  It was surreal.  I had never considered that could even happen.  Likely because as a guy, who was rather unexceptional in appearance, I had only ever been hit on twice by a woman, without having initiated the flirting first.  I had prepared myself mentally for the possibility of being hit on by a guy.

I thought it was just pleasant conversation for about 10 minutes.  She gave me a few compliments about my nails and such (not an uncommon occurrence). Then a few subtle references that she was gay, once again, I thought nothing of it.  Then suddenly there was casual touching and it hit me what was going on.  OMFG!  I played it cool and started flashing my wedding band and talking about my spouse and kids.  Talk about validation.

I had a >-bleeped-< eating grin the whole rest of the shift.  I couldn't wait to call my wife and the end of the shift and tell her.  I don't particularly think of myself as pretty. I know I'm not unattractive, but with the weight issues and the lifelong self image problems I just don't see myself that way.  Holy crap, maybe the mirror is lying to me.  I know I pass physically, but I always thought my mannerisms and speech outted me.  I guess that's not as bad as I thought either.  It's quite flattering.

I was telling a friend of mine about it and she was unsurprised.  She was like, your very pretty why would it surprise you.  Apparently, it's more than just my physical appearance.  I guess I have confidence, doesn't feel that way usually, and just give off that vibe that I am a nice person.  Turns out she is Bisexual so I take the compliment even more highly.

A few takeaways from this.  One is that I guess I'm better than I give myself credit for.  Two, since transitioning I have clearly become a happier person.  Three, all those years of poor self image were likely based on faulty perception.  So many years wasted on self hatred.  It's sometimes very surreal to think that this is my life now and this is who I am.  I am just  glad to finally be a happier person.  Still have a lot of work to do on that, but there's light at the end of tunnel.

I realize this post is a bit of a humblebrag, but I'm going to ride this wave for a while.  It's just so awesome that I felt the need to share.

Hugs,
Amber

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 08, 2017, 11:39:11 PM
Hey girls,
       Not sure if anyone is still paying any attention to this post but I thought I would post something. So this weekend is thanksgiving in Canada. went to a family dinner tonight. I was really hesitant to go at all as there are a couple people that aren't comfortable with my transition and at least one person that is quite adverse to it. it wasn't that bad. I wasn't dead named or mis-gendered. but other then my aunt no one really talked to me either. I was actually just bored out of my mind. I think I will be skipping the next family dinner.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on October 08, 2017, 11:43:37 PM
Jeez some people are just pathetic Sarah.
I would definitely skip the next one too, F that
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: LizK on October 09, 2017, 02:19:21 AM
Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 08, 2017, 11:39:11 PM
Hey girls,
       Not sure if anyone is still paying any attention to this post but I thought I would post something. So this weekend is thanksgiving in Canada. went to a family dinner tonight. I was really hesitant to go at all as there are a couple people that aren't comfortable with my transition and at least one person that is quite adverse to it. it wasn't that bad. I wasn't dead named or mis-gendered. but other then my aunt no one really talked to me either. I was actually just bored out of my mind. I think I will be skipping the next family dinner.

One of the things I found with my family is that A) They won't talk to me if they don't "have" too  and B) if they do, they still talk to me like they did when I was presenting male...that is almost as irritating as being misgendered
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on October 12, 2017, 05:16:11 PM
I still check the thread periodically.  That sucks Sarah.  Family can honestly be the worst sometimes.  I host Thanksgiving for a large number of family.  It will be an interesting evening.  Most of them are aholes and don't care for my transition.  I officially see the judge to have my name changed just a few days prior to the event and my wife is prepared to be correcting everyone.  Plus we are prepared to be kicking people out if necessary.  Going to be a weird holiday this year.  It's tempting to get a nice dress to host in and just let things play out.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: LizK on October 12, 2017, 06:55:37 PM
Quote from: amberwaves on October 12, 2017, 05:16:11 PM
.  It's tempting to get a nice dress to host in and just let things play out.

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What a great idea...make sure its something fabulous and comfortable!!! :D
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on October 12, 2017, 11:51:08 PM
I have my cousin's birthday at the end of the month, so I'm gonna have to be all cleaned up nice for it, as it's a big fancy restaurant.
I think I'm gonna wear my black dress with black heels. Dunno what to do with my hair.
It's so exciting having this debacle lol
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 13, 2017, 04:20:46 AM
So,  this is... Great... I was fondelled by man., . I said no.,  get your f..... hands off me to no avail.., I.... Hate., , . my.... dam.... Life!!!!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on October 13, 2017, 05:16:30 AM
Quote from: Tasha_ on October 13, 2017, 04:20:46 AM
So,  this is... Great... I was fondelled by man., . I said no.,  get your f..... hands off me to no avail.., I.... Hate., , . my.... dam.... Life!!!!

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OMG! Could you not knock him out? That is so disgusting. Part of why so far I have never went "out"
That is terrible Tasha :S
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on October 13, 2017, 06:46:29 AM
Quote from: Tasha_ on October 13, 2017, 04:20:46 AM
So,  this is... Great... I was fondelled by man., . I said no.,  get your f..... hands off me to no avail.., I.... Hate., , . my.... dam.... Life!!!!

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Oh my god!  Why is all this crap happening to you all at the same time Tasha.  Big hugs!  If you need to talk I'm here.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 14, 2017, 09:51:58 PM
awww I'm sorry to hear that Tasha. some men are total pigs. I never thought much of them when I was living as one of them and I don't think a whole lot of them now that I'm not.

I'm sure you will look stunning Rachel. I wish I could see the look on their faces when they see you.

I hope you have a great thanksgiving Amber. unfortunately some people just have to cause drama.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 15, 2017, 02:16:23 PM
Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on October 14, 2017, 09:51:58 PM
awww I'm sorry to hear that Tasha. some men are total pigs. I never thought much of them when I was living as one of them and I don't think a whole lot of them now that I'm not.

I'm sure you will look stunning Rachel. I wish I could see the look on their faces when they see you.

I hope you have a great thanksgiving Amber. unfortunately some people just have to cause drama.
Thanks for all the support ladies... After the bar tender saw how angry I was,  she called a cab... While my wife and I waited outside. Then as the cab pulls in, that man came outside and I just tried to walk away,  he followed telling me it would be okay, then wrapped his arms around me... As my wife and the cab pulled up I had my hands out and flung him about 15 feet... I don't want to be violent anymore... That was part of my act before ya know??? My wife and I are pretty much over the incident now,  but muuuch more careful when we leave the house again.... Almost like the initial public coming out fears....

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Tasha_ on October 15, 2017, 02:17:23 PM
And Christine, I'm sure you're gonna kill it,  you're gorgeous!

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 18, 2017, 06:34:12 AM
hey girls, just thought I would post about a couple of things.

so I've been going to L.A. Fitness since January and I always felt like they (the staff) all knew I was trans. But I only told two of them to ask how they would accommodate me. I was less passable at that point. I thought they were telling each other but I had no proof. then a couple of weeks ago I had one girl that works there that I have never seen or spoken to before flat out ask me about my transition. the day before that I had another girl, that knew I had a doctors appointment, ask how it went and I made a comment about hormone levels and she knew it was because I was trans. I never mentioned anything about being trans to her before. that was actually the second day that I had spoken more then a couple of words to her. I complained and spoke to the regional manager. things have gotten better but i think it's more they're being more discreet about it. I've also pretty much stopped talking to the staff there.  that said, I've never had any problems with any staff or members there. I do use the women's change room but I go there in my workout outfit. for my own comfort and the comfort of others so they don't do or say something that makes me uncomfortable. So it's just so I can remove outer layers and to use the lockers.

I have to go see my doctor this week for a physical so he can say I'm fit for surgery. I have an appointment December 7th in my gender psychiatrists office to go over all the paperwork to apply for funding. it'll be sent in first thing in the new year and I'm hoping for surgery late next year.

as for the surgery itself I had originally planned on doing full SRS. but after much reflection and reading and talking to people I will only be doing a cosmetic SRS. I don't do men and I can confidently say I won't ever. So I don't need it for sex with men. i don't think it will be worth the after care. but more then that having to dilate would be a constant reminder that I wasn't born with it. the psychological effect of that would be worse for me then not having a canal.

My long journey to permanent hair removal with electrolysis continues but there is a light a the end of the tunnel. the area around my mouth is largely cleared. the strip from my chin along my throat is getting quite thin and then I will work back towards the ears. it's all been thinned out but there is more hair along my jaw line and side burns then around my chin/mouth. my hair is normally down so it hides it pretty well.  I cannot wait though!!

dating as a trans women that likes women kind of sucks. it's gotta be the smallest dating pool possible. so far I haven't had much luck this year. I've asked two women out who seemed interested. they both said yes and both gave me their numbers. but it never went anywhere not even a date. I met someone last week that seems just as interested in me as I am in her. In fact, she's done a better job expressing her interest then I have. Although i did spend the whole night, when I met her, flirting with her and being completely ridiculous. except i was dumb and didn't get her number. but I can find her again so I got a chance.... i'm tired so i'm going to bed. hope everyone is doing good.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Rachel_Christina on November 19, 2017, 12:24:52 AM
Hey Sarah, I wouldn't too much worry about your gym place. I mean if someone clocked you so may others and it does go fast usually. As long as they're not being hateful I wouldn't worry about a few questions. It is a curious topic for many. It is your chance to educate, show people we are no different than them.
As for SRS, I have really come to see it as a massive decision one I am not fit mentally nor financially to make. Not because I'm in a bad place however, simply because I have not been thinking about it too much, I have bigger things right now.
I hope your decision on cosmetic SRS will be the right one for you.
Facial hair sucks. It's a slow annoying process. I keep having mine Lasered, it disappears for a month and then the grey shadow begins coming back :/ when I go home to Ireland it's electrolysis for me to finish it off.
And yes dating must suck in that position. I am so lucky my girl stuck me out, she is so much more into me now as a woman, and our relationship is so much stronger. Makes me wonder really lol

As for me, my changes have been amazing tbh honest, looking back at old pictures now almost feels like another person. My boobs are still sore and should be growing, they are starting to round out, I know they have suffered thanks to my lake of weight, but they are getting there. My hairline is nearly all filled in with baby hairs, and it has gotten so long.
My biggest challenge now is coming out in 3 weeks before I go home to Ireland. My work is over in 3 weeks too, and so that afternoon after 4 o'clock the 8th of December I will have come out after 27 years finally. Pretty mad.
Going home will be a challenge, in both getting a job as a woman and in a completely different role than what I am used to.
Transition has been amazing though. I am so comfortable with it all it's just totally normal. Only my voice really bothers me
Love y'all, hugs Rachel
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: SarahElizabeth1981 on November 19, 2017, 03:10:20 AM
Hey christina,
  yeah I've seen your pictures on FB  you look gorgeous. that's funny about the girlfriend but at least it worked out. I saw the girl again tonight and got her number. so hopefully third ones the charm.

Surgery has been a BIG thing. it kept me up for weeks while I was trying to figure out which way to go. but I'm confident in my decision.

the only thing about the gym that bothers me is people outing me to others. I have no problem talking to people about it and answering their questions. actually there is a girl there that I've talked about things a lot with and when I was figuring out what to do for surgery we went out for coffee to talk about it. I just want people to respect my privacy and if they want to know something they just ask me directly. Instead of talking about it behind my back.

oh yeah I didn't mention changes... I'm a little disappointed in how little my face has feminized. it's softened somewhat but to me I still look pretty much the same. my boobs reallly started growing after the endo changed my patch. I'm a 1/2 an inch away from a b cup. they've been filling out quite a bit lately. I'm hoping I'm just 6 month behind on the facial feminization from using the wrong patch. I put on about 10 KG after the change in patch though. it mostly went to my mid section. so that is driving me crazy. i don't want to try losing weight while my boobs are growing though. I want them to keep getting bigger.

Good luck moving back home. I'm sure things will go good. change is tough for everyone but I know you can work through it.
Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: amberwaves on February 11, 2018, 11:54:05 AM
Not sure anyone follows this thread anymore.  Just wanted to say that I miss all you girls and I hope things are going well.

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Title: Re: Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!
Post by: Female2female on February 27, 2018, 04:39:31 AM
Happy birthday darl xx