it hasn't bothered me so much in the past couple of years, but lately i've had a strong urge to cut it off with a chainsaw.
I agree with that sentiment. The further I get in transition the more I hate my penis. I'm hating the SOC right now.
Val
i know haw ya feel, but u dont wanna do that, ull bleed to death. ur best bet princess is just to get on hormones and do what we all do which is surgery. ;)
Yes im totally in the above camp
Worst for me is when i wake and its hrmmm there it can be a depressing start to the day.
Just haveto look on the bright side and look to a day thats not going to happen.
I hate mine aswell, I can't wait till it's gone. I also despise the two other things that go with it.
I never asked for it; yet, it is there.
Stupid god...
Hating God is a waste of time. Save your energy for transitioning.
Sarah L.
I don`t "hate" mine but I did when i was younger in my teens. Oh and eye hate god too!
Quote from: Princess on July 28, 2008, 02:37:07 PM
god is nice enough to put people in a body they can live with, but not us. why is that?
Some sort of Cosmic irony i guess
Like other respondents, I rather mine was gone. I can count on one hand the number of erections I have suffered in life, it simply does not respond to stimulation thank God, yes God ;), he is allowed some mistakes after all considering he was supposedly in a hurry to get things done in 6 days :P
Sadly its the testicles that bug me because of the testosterone and the fact that they bounce around and get in the way of things :embarrassed:
It's very common (and normal) that the further you are into transition the more you'll dislike your penis -- so no worries. It has to do with the fact that you are no longer blocking off who you are, and you're realizing that this is the correct path for you... so naturally, the penis (a male symbol) is going to feel very wrong, and to the point that yeah, getting a hack saw and cutting it off sounds like a good idea. Just don't try to do it yourself, as it can affect your SRS.
I know that before I had my surgery, I told my doctor that I wanted to do it and included research on how to do it, along with self-castration. I was really to the point of doing it, but he explained that doing it would affect SRS and what they can do, and my new vagina wouldn't be as functional or pretty (and depending on the damage, they might not able to perform SRS to or at least to the extent they can), and I'd probably regret it a lot. (And, no, that get me in sooner for SRS approval, I actually had it delay SRS until I was mental stable enough to have it.)
When I was 14 I did one attempt and got a small razor and tried to lop it off... I didn't get far, and only ended up with a nasty cut which healed, and lots of pain and blood loss. I'm glad that didn't do any real damage other than a superficial wound. Of course, doctors at the time thought that I was insane for doing that, and thus started feeling me anti-psychotics. At that time, and being in a small town, trans wasn't really well known or recognized, sadly.
Now I've had SRS, I'm very happy with my new vagina. I feel a lot more confident as well, because I'm not constantly thinking about having a penis. Although I could tuck well and a lot of people didn't know I had one, I knew there was one there and it was difficult to have. I felt limited in some ways with clothing, or swimming, etc. I felt like a freak. I felt awkward. I felt cursed. But now, I can put on the tighter clothes and I can go swimming -- I wan even walk around naked -- with confidence knowing I have the right part.
So, my recommendation is to save your ass off, do what ever you can do, to get the money for SRS and get it done. Get the doctor to cut the penis off for you and make you a beautiful vagina that will feel great, look great, and be great. I've seen pix of self-done castrations and cut off penises, and trust me, they aren't pretty and I'd pick SRS and getting a real vagina over that any day.
--natalie
yes theres hrt shrinkage
but then your going to haveto think about stretching exercises, otherwise srs can be a bit of a letdown in depth and additional grafts required and depending on how long you have been on hrt, amount of orginal length ect. Obviously an arguable point depending on the process but speaking to alot of post srs patients most seem this is a good approach. I do mine in the bath :) and create some elasticity from lack of use.
Giving your surgeon the most material possible to work on is always going to benefit you.
Hey Princess, I understand how you feel, I really dislike what I have down there too. It's quite a contradiction that we must preserve the tissue we have as best as we can if we ever hope to have the genitalia we want, but it's really important that we do that. :) I thought of something not long ago that helps me feel better and maybe this is something that would also be helpful to you - the day will come when I'll have my beautiful flower but for now that flower is just a bud.
Naw, I'm gunna milk it for all its worth until I get the operation.
Pun intended.
Quote from: Princess on July 26, 2008, 02:57:36 PM
it hasn't bothered me so much in the past couple of years, but lately i've had a strong urge to cut it off with a chainsaw.
I don't feel I have the capacities to justlly/fully express how much I hate mine. This was a bitterly cruel thing to do to someone like me. I simply cannot relax because of it. If I had a dollar for every minute of sleep I've lost due to a midnight erection, I could probably finance every transition on this current page. I'm goin' first, though. LOL. Well, at least that's the only time I experience this specific degradation. But even though this dosen't happen to me while I'm awake, there's nothing I can do to forget the damn thing's there, if only for a moment. Every time I've heard a genetic girl complain about the maintanence involved with her vagina, I just wanna scream, "Trust me, sweety-it could be a hell of a lot worse"!
"I don't feel I have the capacities to justlly/fully express how much I hate HATED mine. This was a bitterly cruel thing to do to someone like me." *emphasis mine*
It pretty much sumarizes how I felt as well. :'(
Quote from: Princess on July 28, 2008, 12:18:58 PM
i hate god
At one particular point in my life, I am sorry to say that I hated Him too :( I don't even know what else to say. I just wanted to share that I know very well how you feel, Princess.
:icon_hug:
tink :icon_chick:
Yeah me to!! What a horrible thing it is just hanging there,knowing its inevitiable fate and hoping that the day wont happen!!-Seriously It does my head in and if I let my head go I can think some crazy stuff...like get rid of it now....so I am trying to fufill my inner being befor surgery and am doing quite well...
Quote from: Princess on July 28, 2008, 02:37:07 PM
god is nice enough to put people in a body they can live with, but not us. why is that?
I think your idea of God is probably severely distorted to what most religious people make (him/her) errr... "Them" out to be. Why is it that God needs to have control over what body you get? I hate my "boy thing" too but ... it is what it is and just like other people are born with things they didnt necessarily ask for we have to live with it until we can change (its just to f**<bleep> bad that this cant be changed at birth !)
:) anyway disregard me, im weird
I came very close to doing just that. I bought something called a "burdizo," which is used to castrate cattle. When I saw how large it was, I realized that I could remove everything. I also thought that I could bleed to death, which was a risk worth taking at the time.
The reason that I never went through with it was that the man that I was living with found the thing and made me feel so guilty about the effects of probably killing myself that I sent it back. This was during the '80's, a time when I was truly unaware as to my options.
Wish I could trade with one of you ladies LOL
Quote from: Aiden on August 03, 2008, 04:49:08 PM
Wish I could trade with one of you ladies LOL
Heh, I wonder if we could arrange some kind of donor/swap program through the board here?
All we'd need is an excel spreadsheet, a contracted surgeon and lots of ice...
:-\
On another forum I visit they were talking about that doctors have or are about preform a uterus transplant. Maybe we could all sign up as donors and receivers. (sp) And make it a two way street.
I'll give you mine if you give me yours. >:D
I don't hate my penis but I am revolted by it. I have regular dreams about it looking deformed and horrible looking. I won't go into details but imagine the most disgusting thing you might see in the kitchen garbage. I have woken up in the morning with pain down there after I dreamt that I tried to pull it off. Since, I went full time I haven't had one of these dreams until the night before last. I am dealing with the reality that my transition has been forcibly suspended because of my family circumstances. So now, I am dogged by those old nightmares and my feelings about the junk down there are intensifying. I tried the self-castration route a couple of times too but reason prevailed and I snapped out of it before significant damage occurred. At least, I think that is the case. That was five years ago. Thankfully, with Spiro, I don't get erections. Once last December, I tried to revisit maleness and tried to get an erection. It sort of worked but the pain was incredible making me bend over until the damn thing went back to normal. Now, I pack it away in control panties and it is just a vestige of it's former size.
What a horrible situation to have to live with. So few understand what agony having the wrong plumbing causes. It gets me so angry sometimes because my family simply ignores my situation. For them delay and denial are their best friends. For me, it is torture.
I don't blame God for this. I know he allowed it and I have had my share of tantrums with him over it. However, we aren't promised a perfect life and in my case it is one storm after another. I have understood that some past trials were for a reason and in some I have even come to understand it. That I don't understand why I have to suffer so now doesn't make a good reason impossible. Gosh, look at the world situation. It is a mosaic of good and bad everywhere. Right now, I am in one of the darkest times of my life. I have to keep hoping that my one candle in the darkness won't go out. God once promised me it wouldn't.
Maggie
Comfortable? No. Hate? No.
Did She make me this way to punish me? I once thought so.
Then one night years ago I was driving my oldest son to his counseling group.
He said: "Mom, I think I know why Goddess made you this way." Why do you think so, A?
"Because, Mom, She's done this for you so you can show people that other people like you are good & just people too.
She did it because you can live with it and be better and still be wonderful. People need to know that."
I burst into tears and had to stop driving until I had stopped. He said: "Did I hurt your feelings?"
No, A, you've made me the happiest woman in the world.
The way we are, were, is another thing people have to live with in their lives. It's not all a curse, although
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, whoever that could be. It simply is another variation in humanity.
One that has certain benefits and possibilities if one can find them. That's everyone's task, I think: to live with pain sometimes
and find ways to live well with it.
In that way, my lot is no different than anyone else's. It is what it is, how I have lived with it is the measure that matters.
Nichole
Ok, only to comment on the "God" thoughts, an I can only speak for me and my own experience. Oh, an I get to sound loopy too, enjoy.
As best I know I have been transsexual twice, this being the second time. BOTH times were my choice. Yes, my choice, as in I chose to do this. In the first the body HAD to be female, and to be blunt I was NOT keen on the notion at all. An option was presented and a caution given that it might result in hardship. I went with that option. In a true technical sense she was a F2M transsexual in a time when the concept kind of didn't work. Had she lived longer ... I really do not know what would have become of things, but ultimately both history and myself use feminine pronouns. Neither are meant as disrespectful. ... Meh I should be quite.
The second, which as best I know would be this little life, again I chose this, freely of my own will. If I have my understanding correct it was mostly to help a friend. Apparently that little nudge has happened. This results in ... well, peachy, it seems I am a girl. An in the same, I LIKE being a girl these days. An while I realize when I say my last few lives have been the female of the species means NOTHING to anyone else, but basic concept that might be of value is ... well, pain is temporary. Trust in what is, don't beat yourself up over this just be as true and as honest both to yourself and others as you can be.
Oh, an on the concept of "God", well, "He" is ... wonderful. ... Please don't blindly judge harshly, not all bad things in life are anyone's choice but our own... An as Nichole mentioned above, hurting is not a requirement.
Just my thoughts, sand in the wind...
Quote from: Nichole on August 04, 2008, 10:53:10 AM
Comfortable? No. Hate? No.
Did She make me this way to punish me? I once thought so.
Then one night years ago I was driving my oldest son to his counseling group.
He said: "Mom, I think I know why Goddess made you this way." Why do you think so, A?
"Because, Mom, She's done this for you so you can show people that other people like you are good & just people too.
She did it because you can live with it and be better and still be wonderful. People need to know that."
I burst into tears and had to stop driving until I had stopped. He said: "Did I hurt your feelings?"
No, A, you've made me the happiest woman in the world.
The way we are, were, is another thing people have to live with in their lives. It's not all a curse, although
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, whoever that could be. It simply is another variation in humanity.
One that has certain benefits and possibilities if one can find them. That's everyone's task, I think: to live with pain sometimes
and find ways to live well with it.
In that way, my lot is no different than anyone else's. It is what it is, how I have lived with it is the measure that matters.
Nichole
Nichole,
Indeed, you are fulfilling that purpose.
Maggie
Quote from: April221 on August 03, 2008, 04:04:59 PM
I came very close to doing just that. I bought something called a "burdizo," which is used to castrate cattle. When I saw how large it was, I realized that I could remove everything. I also thought that I could bleed to death, which was a risk worth taking at the time.
The reason that I never went through with it was that the man that I was living with found the thing and made me feel so guilty about the effects of probably killing myself that I sent it back. This was during the '80's, a time when I was truly unaware as to my options.
I did the exact same thing. I still have the burdizo somewhere around the house. Thankfully I waited!
I expect I asked Goddess for the privelege.
Stealth
Why is everyone blaming God for this? Dont you all know this is the devil's plan? To make us suffer so much that we point at God and blame him, turn away, and in doing so, we have completed exactly what the devil wanted to happen.
Well I say dont give up! I know what we are all going through is a traumatizing experience everyday we wake up, but really God is the solution. After all there are blind, paralyzed, and many other types of people with big problems. We just have to remember nothing bad comes from God and nothing good comes from the devil :)
Well fancy that. I hate MY penis, too!
Hi Lory hon,
I call it an error of nature and not Creator. Genetic errors don't happen to just to people but also animals and plants. Sometimes these errors are referred to as deformities. So let us say it is an error of nature then.
The next obvious step would be to find counseling or whatever specified doctor or researcher who will give a specific diagnoses, and then begin what course should be followed up by the appropriate treatment to correct this specific genetic error. A baby is born with three legs, then the obvious thing to do would be to remove the extra leg so that the child will grow up to live as normal a life as possible.
Great Spirit doesn't make errors. It is this fallible dualities in this reality that makes the errors and possibly for more reasons than I could fit in one post. Also, life is a test given to a very large classroom of students. We just happen to have a much bigger lunch in our lunch boxes to eat then most of the other students.
So maybe the person who has lost a limb may have to adjust how to perform the same amount of work with just the one remaining limb. And so we learn to live as best we can in our newly assigned bodies and make the best about it. Don't forget to smile and enjoy the balance of you newly assigned life which you will be playing on center stage.
Great Spirit is the spectator sitting in the back row seats holding steepled hands under His/Her chin, contemplating and watching the act of life that Her/His little children play out before this great Infinite being of light. Life is what we make it. What we desire out of life is in proportion to how much we believe in our potentials and if we have faith required to move on in our own personal mission.
Cindy
I really don't hate my penis in the classical sense. What really bothers me about the whole situation is that I can't really derive much satisfaction or pleasure from the thing. Sure it gets hard and I have orgasms but the whole intimacy thing is really missing. As a result I've never really felt comfortable using it.
Hi Amie, do you yell "TIMBER!!!" after you're done or before you cut it down with your McCullough chainsaw.
Cindy
This thread shows the diversity that exists within the TS community. Some of us hate the thing, others of us love it. I myself have had many hours of pleasure from my penis. After I had breast implants, I looked at my body with the breasts and the penis, and thought I was incredibly beautiful that way.
I have also found many men and women and trans people who agree. But all the TSs that I know who have had SRS (GRS) agree that they have either hated their penis all their life, or found it very inconsequential to their happiness.
Quote from: Virginia87106 on August 14, 2008, 09:40:01 AM
This thread shows the diversity that exists within the TS community. Some of us hate the thing, others of us love it. I myself have had many hours of pleasure from my penis. After I had breast implants, I looked at my body with the breasts and the penis, and thought I was incredibly beautiful that way.
I have also found many men and women and trans people who agree. But all the TSs that I know who have had SRS (GRS) agree that they have either hated their penis all their life, or found it very inconsequential to their happiness.
I have to agree with you Virginia. I once hated mine with a passion and wanted to lop it off, but after being on HRT for 1 1/2 years, I didn't hate it so much. I decided that it would be cheaper and easier (and less painful) to just see it as a large clitoris. I don't like pain, and hate most things medical (including surgery). Having full SRS would be way too much for me personally. I don't know how many others in our community feel the same, but I'm slowly changing my perception of it, and with my Orchi in about a month I'm looking forward to just having "my little clitoris." ;D
Jenn
yes Faye. And the other thing is estrogen changed the feelings of orgasm as well as the skin around the penis. It is much softer than it used to be. My orgasms build slowly and stay at a "crest" for a much longer time than they used to, and I stay in the "glow" for a longer time. Estrogen is a wonderful thing!
I've actually attempted to cut mine off 3 separate times (and all since transition). It's taken a lot of mental work to get to the point I'm at now, but I now feel indifferent about it. I still want SRS, but it's no emergency anymore.
I've always had an indifferent relationship with it. It's kind of hard to explain but I've never really been overtly sexual. My T counts weren't like 50 or anything pre-HRT, I think they were 600, which is normal, but I just never really had too much of a sex drive. I think it's mainly due to not knowing where to direct that energy. I don't hate it, I don't like it, it's just a body part like an arm or a leg. I don't do stuff with it very often at all. I am planning on SRS but it's more to feel complete than anything else. He'll just sit down there gathering dust until them, atrophying and wishing he had a parent who nurtured him and cared for him like all the other penis' parents' out there. I guess I was a bad parent to him. Can I be charged with neglect? Lol ;) Meghan
Meh... mine's just there. It's like a belly button. My life wouldn't end if it dissappeared (or stayed) but damned if i wouldn't notice. I never cared for it. When I'm intimate with girls I don't like using it "in that way." I don't really care to receive oral if it's treated so phallically. With boys, I would just rather not know it's there but at the same time, I'm not in this HUGE hurry to do something about it. (I think my fear of surgery influences that decision.)
In any event, I don't like what's entailed to "get there," but I DO love the feeling of the Big O...
Eh, can't have it all. :(
Eh. i LOVE suzy! IDK, i love my penis. it's all i've known for 18 yrs, even though I'd rather be BORN with a vagina....this is what I have, and this is what makes me stand out from the natal woman....idk, i just don't trust ANY SRS surgeon, anything could go wrong and I'd be stuck with a meaty mass of a thing that's supposed to be a vagina. I don't wanna risk it!! I'll keep Suzy, now The Girls (Dawn and Viola), I can't waiitt until my Orchi to get rid of them!
Quote from: le_joli_papillon on August 15, 2008, 12:46:31 AM
Eh. i LOVE suzy! IDK, i love my penis. it's all i've known for 18 yrs, even though I'd rather be BORN with a vagina....this is what I have, and this is what makes me stand out from the natal woman....idk, i just don't trust ANY SRS surgeon, anything could go wrong and I'd be stuck with a meaty mass of a thing that's supposed to be a vagina. I don't wanna risk it!! I'll keep Suzy, now The Girls (Dawn and Viola), I can't waiitt until my Orchi to get rid of them!
You named the twins? Uh, I couldn't do that, they're gross I don't want 'em! :laugh:
To each their own I guess. I can't wait for my Orchi either.
Jenn
Quote from: Princess on July 28, 2008, 02:37:07 PM
god is nice enough to put people in a body they can live with, but not us. why is that?
Probably because if they exist at all, they don't care or they are unable to fix the problem. Either way, they are a waste of cosmic matter in regards to our plight.
That would be like being a cattle rancher and name the steers before they become hamburger. Icky :eusa_naughty:
Mistress Janet
Quote from: le_joli_papillon on August 15, 2008, 12:46:31 AM
Eh. i LOVE suzy! IDK, i love my penis. it's all i've known for 18 yrs, even though I'd rather be BORN with a vagina....this is what I have, and this is what makes me stand out from the natal woman....idk, i just don't trust ANY SRS surgeon, anything could go wrong and I'd be stuck with a meaty mass of a thing that's supposed to be a vagina. I don't wanna risk it!! I'll keep Suzy, now The Girls (Dawn and Viola), I can't waiitt until my Orchi to get rid of them!
Well, to each their own, and enjoying your body as it is is saves you a lot of dysphoria. However, GRS surgery is quite advanced these days and unless you're paying $100 for your surgery in a back alley in Thailand, you are unlikely to end with a meaty mass. I hope that's not the only thing keeping you from surgery :)
Princess:
This is hardly the 19th century where going on a surgeon's bed could cost your your life. Have you ever been to an operating room as a spectator? The level of professionalism and attention to procedure is very standardized. Nothing to be afraid, girl. Short term pain, long term gain :)
I Agree with Soldierjane. Although SRS is a major surgery but if you go to a reputable surgeon in either Canada or US I have not heard of anyone coming out with a bad surgery, well I am not aware of of any if their are, and if some complication arise's it's easier to get it corrected on the North American Continent then it is in Thailand.
I can't understand why on earth one would want to hang onto their boy parts personally attitude or anything else male if they desire to be female. If you have doubts I would consult a therapist and maybe give transition a second thought.
Cindy
Quote from: cindybc on August 15, 2008, 04:47:36 PM
I can't understand why on earth one would want to hang onto their boy parts personally attitude or anything else male if they desire to be female. If you have doubts I would consult a therapist and maybe give transition a second thought.
Cindy
I'm not sure if you're saying SRS is required to be trans Cindy, and if not I apologize, but I just have to say there's nothing wrong with living in-between genders. Some of us choose to just get an Orchiectomy and are happy with that, and there's nothing wrong with keeping the "penis," I know some transwomen who just see it as a large clitoris (which is how I see mine). It doesn't make us any less female. We all take a different journey and when we feel we have arrived at our destination, there's no need to go on if we don't want to.
Jenn
Quote from: le_joli_papillon on August 15, 2008, 12:46:31 AM
i love my penis. it's all i've known for 18 yrs, even though I'd rather be BORN with a vagina....this is what I have, and this is what makes me stand out from the natal woman....
heh well ya! no kidding! heh
Quote from: fae_reborn on August 15, 2008, 05:30:37 PM
Quote from: cindybc on August 15, 2008, 04:47:36 PM
I can't understand why on earth one would want to hang onto their boy parts personally attitude or anything else male if they desire to be female. If you have doubts I would consult a therapist and maybe give transition a second thought.
Cindy
I'm not sure if you're saying SRS is required to be trans Cindy, and if not I apologize, but I just have to say there's nothing wrong with living in-between genders. Some of us choose to just get an Orchiectomy and are happy with that, and there's nothing wrong with keeping the "penis," I know some transwomen who just see it as a large clitoris (which is how I see mine). It doesn't make us any less female. We all take a different journey and when we feel we have arrived at our destination, there's no need to go on if we don't want to.
Jenn
Jenn- well said and I totally agree. One does not have to have a vagina to be female. Now if someone finds that necessary for their journey, that is great and I support them. Just as i would hope they would support the way I have chosen to present gender in my body shape.
It's just a big clit. I like that. Maybe I'll name it a femme name?
Sorry all, all I had meant to say is, be careful and be certain that you have made the right choice, whether if you have decided to go all the way through the entire transitioning process or just part way, that is your choice to do as you will. These are your own personal life's choices. I am her to support anyone with or without a penis nor does it matter to me if your from Lower Slobovia or Cydonia Mars. Oddness fails to surprise me much now a days. Times change and I guess one has to keep up or get left behind. It would be a long hick from Mars or Lower Slobovia for that matter.
Cindy
Quote from: Virginia87106 on August 15, 2008, 06:38:21 PM
Jenn- well said and I totally agree. One does not have to have a vagina to be female. Now if someone finds that necessary for their journey, that is great and I support them. Just as i would hope they would support the way I have chosen to present gender in my body shape.
It's just a big clit. I like that. Maybe I'll name it a femme name?
hehehe, I'm not sure what I'd name mine, but you go girl! ;D
Jenn
Quote from: fae_reborn on August 15, 2008, 05:30:37 PMI know some transwomen who just see it as a large clitoris (which is how I see mine).
Well that's exactly what it is. Develops from the same cluster of embryo cells. :)
I can't imagine what it's going to be like to go through my SRS and recovery - I certainly don't look forward to the pain - but for me the need to have it done is too strong. I looked at my options and decided to go to Thailand.... I'm told it's really not a bad place to have surgery, and that a lot of people go there for non-TG related surgeries too. Thai docs rearrange the tissues differently than others do and I personally like their way a lot more.
Quote from: Princess on August 15, 2008, 03:20:03 PM
i just wish there was a way that i could magically turn it into a vulva, without the scariness of getting surgery. srs is probably gonna be the first surgery i'll get in my life, and it's a huge surgery. it's not a minor one. some days i can cope with it, because it's small, but if i could magically turn it into a perfect full function vagina, i would.
Posted on: August 15, 2008, 03:15:01 PM
Quote from: le_joli_papillon on August 15, 2008, 12:46:31 AM
Eh. i LOVE suzy! IDK, i love my penis. it's all i've known for 18 yrs, even though I'd rather be BORN with a vagina....this is what I have, and this is what makes me stand out from the natal woman....idk, i just don't trust ANY SRS surgeon, anything could go wrong and I'd be stuck with a meaty mass of a thing that's supposed to be a vagina. I don't wanna risk it!! I'll keep Suzy, now The Girls (Dawn and Viola), I can't waiitt until my Orchi to get rid of them!
since you're getting rid of them, i don't know if naming them was such a good idea. i consider them twin balls of death, that release deadly toxins into my bloodstream, and when you try to kill them, they crucify you with unbearable pain.
hhaha
they are death balls huh?
yeah
lol
it'll be okay
since they have names
i can make a lil grave for them
and headstone and everything
haha
jk
Posted on: August 15, 2008, 11:56:00 PM
Quote from: cindybc on August 15, 2008, 04:47:36 PM
I can't understand why on earth one would want to hang onto their boy parts personally attitude or anything else male if they desire to be female. If you have doubts I would consult a therapist and maybe give transition a second thought.
Cindy
eh, different strokes for different folks!
and i'm 30 million percent sure about my transition!
i'm sure EVERYONE doesn't want a vagina!
;)
who said women couldn't have anything "extra?"
I hate mine. When I wake up, its lurking. Due to various changes to the way thing work with prescriptions in the UK, ive now got Elleste and Utrogestan. Currently on day 7 of my cycle. Inteested to see how the little sod responds to progesterone daily fromday 13 to 22!
Sent from my LG-H840 using Tapatalk
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We're all in the same boat.....I never asked for mine either. I wonder every day, why couldn't I have just been born female with female parts.
Quote from: MichelleCaro on February 19, 2017, 10:39:19 PM
We're all in the same boat.....I never asked for mine either. I wonder every day, why couldn't I have just been born female with female parts.
SOOOO TRUE!! When I was younger i would always Wish to wake up as a girl every night! Well i would actually wish that i was born a girl, technically my wish came true when science discovered that Transmen/women were born with a brain of the opposite sex.
I clicked just to read the replies. I am very happy to see the diverse opinions. While I do not love my penis and could live without it, I have grown kind of fond of the little thing. We have had some good times together and it's been a part of me for nearly 40 years. It helped me conceive 5 wonderful kids and my wife has enjoyed it many times in our long relationship. I am less and less inclined to use it sexually now, but I'm still generally glad it's there.
I'm glad I found this topic and saw the diverse replies. As I have headed down the transition path, I wondered if not hating my penis made me 'less trans'. If I can lose body hair, soften and grow even just itty bitty breasts, I think I'll be pretty happy. At this time, I have no interest in parting ways with my penis.
Quote from: Danielle834 on February 20, 2017, 04:15:47 AM
I clicked just to read the replies. I am very happy to see the diverse opinions. While I do not love my penis and could live without it, I have grown kind of fond of the little thing. We have had some good times together and it's been a part of me for nearly 40 years. It helped me conceive 5 wonderful kids and my wife has enjoyed it many times in our long relationship. I am less and less inclined to use it sexually now, but I'm still generally glad it's there.
I'm glad I found this topic and saw the diverse replies. As I have headed down the transition path, I wondered if not hating my penis made me 'less trans'. If I can lose body hair, soften and grow even just itty bitty breasts, I think I'll be pretty happy. At this time, I have no interest in parting ways with my penis.
you can be trans and dont mind your genitals, in fact i personally know a transwomen who is a non op and shes living a very happy life. TMI i personally feel very dysphoric with my penis. I've used it with only one person and I just cant get into it, because for me its the wrong anatomy.
I've started hating mine more than I used to, but I still hate my testicles more and can't wait to be rid of them.
My shenis is likely to stay a while but I love having the option to let her go. I don't hate it but can still recall the embarrassment and confusion of early puberty when "the change" i secretly expected went way wrong. That damn thing seemed to increasingly have a mind of it's own and i learned later that it was those testicles (now gone) that were the real problem. Why didn't I change into the girl of my dreams? Why was that thing acting so stupidly? Good thing I had books to carry in school. ;)
With no real knowledge, other than the playground nonsense we kids shared, I was convinced that something had gone drastically wrong with my development. It often hurt, made a mess at night in frightening dreams and just seemed so danged alien! Boys had penises they liked, not me! Without any knowledge that it could ever be changed I continued, as a teenager and young adult, to cope with being, in my mind, the weirdest person on earth.
Who knew there were so many just like me ??? ;D ;D
Quote from: MichelleCaro on February 19, 2017, 10:39:19 PM
We're all in the same boat.....I never asked for mine either. I wonder every day, why couldn't I have just been born female with female parts.
Sorry to interrupt the thread. However, I want to welcome MichelleCaro to the site.
Thanks for sharing. On the subject of the topic, I am not a fan of mine either. I kept reading and hearing that once I started on HRT, I might feel less inclined to need to go through with surgery. However, the further I have gone, the more awkward it seems to me. Just my two cents.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:
Things that you should read
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Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
With warmth,
Joanna
I know that this is mostly an mtf topic, but in a weird way I´m glad to see that some of you also are struggling with downstairs plumbing. To the extent that you want to "clip it off" as it were.
I get the same nausea about the downstairs region that MaggieB described. No nightmares, but it does make me sick to my stomach. Sometimes I try to fully experience the nausea on purpose, it tends to ease off if I do that.
From time to time I manage to be in such a mindful place that it doesn´t bother me that much, but it´s a hell of a fight to cultivate (and mantain!) that mindset.
It´s good to know that we are not alone in this downstairs-area struggle.
It looks like someone glued the wrong thing on me.
Like its sticking out of a vagina.
I dont like it either, nonbinary or not.
Ans SOC 7 lets me fix that.
Ah yes. Oh yes, it's on my list of why have I got that. And the level of repulsion depends on the day.. some days, it just feels like someone has stuffed the front of my pants with awkward junk, with a mind of its own, other days, well, let's just say it's uncomfortable. Pins and needles, achy, and just generally not great.
Let's also not forget when my mind 'has the dumbs' and forgets it's there. Then under counter cabinets and drawer/door handles become a whole new world of pain. Literally.
Oh and the smell. Ugh. Just vile.
That's enough thinking about them for a while, they've had too much attention.
Rowan
You can farewell your brother! :angel:
Moderator Edit: New members can only post links to their personal site's.
I also hate it.
It just feels strange to me.
I just hope that at some point i can get rid of it and get genitals that i feel more comfortable with.
Quote from: susanboy on March 03, 2017, 07:53:33 PM
You can farewell your brother! :angel:
Interrupting again to say hi to susanboy.
Thanks for joining us but I am a little confused by your post. I am afraid I have to pull your link as it is against policy to have new member's post. You can read about that among the rules.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
With warmth,
Joanna
To say I hated my penis would mean that I had to have a relationship with it in the first place, which I haven't. I've wanted it gone since puberty.
The guys in the locker room didn't call me Tweezers for nothing. Add to that I spent most my years in high school with only one ball.
Temporary skin and nerve storage for my vagina..
Testiclesorry? Mine are gone. I do not miss them.
Hugs,
Jen
I as really small pre-HRT. My small glands would be almost flush to the surroundings. I hated my genitals from an early age. After I had GCS I realized that hatred went very deep.
I must have been around 5 or 6 years old when I had my first thoughts of dislike for my penis. These thoughts of dislike for it (and a desire for female genitals) have occurred frequently during my lifetime. SRS is probably no longer a possibility for me but I would still welcome the opportunity to have a total removal of my male genitals and a proper urethra relocation.
I have a total dislike (and no real use) for that disgusting thing.
Mine makes me sick. When I'm in the shower I wash it as quickly as I can then tuck it back between my legs so I don't have to see it. There have been times when, if it wasn't for the pain, I would have taken a sharp knife and sliced it all off, then shoved it down the garbage disposal so it couldn't be found and reattached. But unfortunately that's not a logical option. At least not at this point.
And for the men reading this, if we could switch our consciousness between our bodies, believe me, it would DEFINITELY be in the cards. For me at least.
I love mine.
I don't hate my penis. But I would definitely be happier if I had a vagina.
On a lighter note, my housemates and friends are throwing a retirement party for my penis tomorrow. It's reproductive and productive years are at an end. kind of interesting how the females are more into the concept then the men
Penis envy at it's finest!
Chas
I totally hate my penis too. My number one priority is making it go away as soon as possible. I have thoughts of cutting it off all the time. I was seeking basic surgery to have my genitals removed but it looks like I will get SRS now.
Wish it was gone. Would be much happier without it.
I hate my flesh banana as well. Sigh, I can't wear leggings or sit down in a dress without the thing bulging out and it is just so gross honestly. The stupid thing also does not work when I want it to (had an orchiectomy) so it is useless as well.
Hatred of that part was my first sign of dysphoria at age 4. Back then I didn't understand its use as a sexual organ or even that biological girls didn't have one but because it was referred to as a "private part" and not shown, I assumed that everyone was ashamed of that part of the body. This is why I feel my dysphoria was intrinsic, as even with very little societal influence and no knowledge of what a vagina was, I still wanted to get rid of it.
Like many, the dysphoria for that part got worse during transition, and even though I wanted to, I could never date or fathom having any kind of sexual intimacy. However after my SRS surgery, I remember the moment that I woke from the anaesthetic so vividly, I immediately felt that lightness between my legs (despite all thof bandaging) and it felt as natural and precisely as I had dreamed of. Before the surgery I had warned myself that perhaps it would not be as I expected, but it was precisely as I had expected and known all my life for 23 years at that time. When I saw it with my eyes, it wasn't so much euphoria, but more like "yes, this looks normal and right" although even now, seven years later, I feel so grateful for it, and certainly worth the 5 year delay when I thought it would never happen!
Quote from: Princess on July 26, 2008, 02:57:36 PM
it hasn't bothered me so much in the past couple of years, but lately i've had a strong urge to cut it off with a chainsaw.
I know exactly how you feel. I try my best to "Not" see it when changing clothes or getting dressed. I hate it with a passion.
Quote from: Avie on July 26, 2008, 10:06:57 PM
i know haw ya feel, but u dont wanna do that, ull bleed to death. ur best bet princess is just to get on hormones and do what we all do which is surgery. ;)
You make it sound so easy. It's not. I am on hormones and have transitioned into a fairly nice looking lady for my age. BUT! that is as far as I will probably ever be able to transition is just by taking hormones. I have disability insurance and as far as I can tell it will cover sex reassignment surgery but there are no surgeons that take it and if by some miracle I found one who did I can't afford the trip to go see them. I can't tell you how many times I cry myself to sleep thinking about it and wishing I could afford it.
Not only that but I have a self adopted son that has an intellectual disability and I can't leave him. He's 23 but his real mom and dad never sent him to school. He has never even seen the inside of a school. He can't read or write and try as he might he can't pass a driving test so I have to be here to drive him to work every day.
I'm sorry but it's not as simple as just taking hormones and having surgery.
Now I feel bad and I think I'll cry myself to sleep.
Hi all. I am new to transitioning. I started my journey on 20 November 2017 when I managed to be castrated by telling little fibs to a urologist about chronic pain. I then saw a GP specialising in LGBT who put me on eostrogen. So, no testicles to produce testosterone and I am on female hormones. Yes I hate my penis. I have started the road to SRS. Seeing a psych in a few weeks. And then back to the urologist. I a married with kids. I am 63 years old. Have a footballer build and will make an ugly woman, but a woman at least. I look forward to having a vagina and being more female, having to sit to pee, no erections (and no penis!!). My boobs are slowly developing (like a pubescent young teen girl right now). Will need a 'boob tube' soon. I must keep my male persona for work, not to do so may result in my not having work!! Yes, I hate my penis. Yes I want it gone.
My real issue is that while I have never considered myself gay, I do like both men and women. So I guess as a woman I will be bisexual.
I remain confused about this.
Quote from: Bobbie Ann on April 19, 2018, 01:44:38 AM
Not only that but I have a self adopted son that has an intellectual disability and I can't leave him. He's 23 but his real mom and dad never sent him to school. He has never even seen the inside of a school. He can't read or write and try as he might he can't pass a driving test so I have to be here to drive him to work every day.
In 1981 Johnny Cash made a movie about a man who was unable to read. It sticks in my mind because it covers the process of teaching an adult how to read. It took a little digging but I found a link to the move (below). If you google "teaching adults to read and write" you will find many resources and the local school board may also be able to help you out. Even adults with Dyslexia can be taught to read and write. It is difficult but because adults already have a large vocabulary, the process can go much faster than it would for a child with a more limited vocabulary.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baIcGNNMf5I
Quote from: Geena on June 12, 2018, 12:54:01 AM
Hi all. I am new to transitioning. I started my journey on 20 November 2017 when I managed to be castrated by telling little fibs to a urologist about chronic pain. I then saw a GP specialising in LGBT who put me on eostrogen. So, no testicles to produce testosterone and I am on female hormones. Yes I hate my penis. I have started the road to SRS. Seeing a psych in a few weeks. And then back to the urologist. I a married with kids. I am 63 years old. Have a footballer build and will make an ugly woman, but a woman at least. I look forward to having a vagina and being more female, having to sit to pee, no erections (and no penis!!). My boobs are slowly developing (like a pubescent young teen girl right now). Will need a 'boob tube' soon. I must keep my male persona for work, not to do so may result in my not having work!! Yes, I hate my penis. Yes I want it gone.
My real issue is that while I have never considered myself gay, I do like both men and women. So I guess as a woman I will be bisexual.
I remain confused about this.
Welcome to Susan's Place Geena. Gender identity and sexual preference are two separate things. The only thing that determines if you are transgender is if your uncomfortable with your gender identity. As further proof of this, we have many married MTFs on this site who remained with their wife throughout their transition. It's an interesting play on words because they were heterosexual and they ended up lesbian without a change in their sexual preference. As you haven't seen a therapist yet, you might find "the transition channel" (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfO3B57E6NpIn-KsVjvmLLw) helpful. Feel free to ask any questions you might have and I think you will receive answers to just about any question you might have.
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