Does anybody know of any available positions in London or west of London/home counties area that are good trans-friendly places to work? Or even does anybody have any ideas of a good company to work for, or a job that doesn't involve dealing with members of the public directly? I'm 25, an arts graduate, with no driving license. Experience mostly in sales, admin, bartending, but open to anything.
I'm pre-t and completely miserable at work, my boss is alright, but it's the customers that get me down everyday. Most of them are tradesmen, sparkies, plumbers, builders etc. and often moan about pc culture and how terribly inconvenient it is that you have to respect people's gender identities nowadays, when in reality they've probably never been required to, knowingly anyway. Most of the time I don't think I pass, and everyday I want to be sick when I get called sweetheart, darling, love, girl, honey, young lady, madam,doll, miss, and worst of all when I get lad or man or mate, I want nothing more than to get that customer served and out of the shop as fast as possible before they get a closer look at me or detect a softness in my voice and then ruin it with "oh I'm so so sorry, love, sweetheart, darling, you're obviously a girl!". Short of erecting a big sign saying "yes, I'm a dude" I feel helpless at work.
It's killing me everyday, I dread waking up to it every morning, I feel like breaking down crying most lunchbreaks, I've quit smoking but I still smoke at work just to not be in that toxic place for just 5 minutes. I've considered going to a doctor about anxiety, depression, perhaps getting signed off, but then I worry if that could impact my GIC assessment., I know it seems paranoid, but I've yet to have my first appointment and I worry if I get diagnosed with mental health issues such as depression or something that whoever does my gender assessment could attribute my gender dysphoria to my depression and thus dismiss it and discharge me, when in reality, my gender identity, and the waiting period, and having to live halfway in this limbo and still pay the bills and keep a roof over my head is what is causing depression and anxiety.
I think I'm just perhaps in one of the worst industries, and looking for advice.
I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot. It does seem that you are in an industry that can be the source of triggers, especially if they are under the influence and have a direct link from brain to mouth.
I support the idea for therapy to help with your gender dysphoria. That could be the cause of depression.
I am in California myself, so I have know idea of employment possibilities in your area.
Hugs and smiles, Jessica
Hi Frazer
Sorry that you're having a nightmare. In my experience in the UK we're quite lucky in that most jobs are trans friendly, and I have many friends in many different fields.
As I read your post, it seems to me that your issue is more one of passing rather than the field that you're in. I cant really help you with that, I've done all I can not to pass as a male!! lol. Try seeking some advice on passing and then you will probably find that most industries in the UK are trans friendly
Good luck
Em x
Fortunately they're not drunk, bar work is just what I've done a lot of in the past, and on a busy night the customers could be just as bad, guys dipped head to toe in fake tan telling me to "smile darlin'". But the days were better than the days here, working in retail, in a hardware store.
I have no real passion for this industry at all, it's just simply something I fell into through agency opportunities and then used that experience when the contracts expired. I didn't choose it at all, it's just above the minimum wage and it pays the rent. I'd love to do something creative, or something on a graduate level that I'm qualified for, but I don't have the luxury of time or choice when I don't have enough to make it to the end of each month. As for passing, I'd say I'm about 50/50 with it. It's just the ones that think I'm female are the ones that pile on the sweetie, girl, love, doll, chick rubbish. Outside of work, in my own clothes, I think I've a much better pass rate. I do everything I can to pass pre t, I attempt to deepen my voice, I focus the weight more on my shoulders when I walk, I touch my face a lot to try and hide the lower half of my face as my cheeks are very soft, yet my eyes and forehead are very masculine. I even balance my upper teeth on top of my lower teeth to make my face look sharper and cheeks less round. Unfortunately my height is a huge giveaway as I'm only 5ft1, and thats if I'm standing up straight, trying with all my might to be tall. I try to look at it like the fact that I pass as much as I do despite this, that's a huge positive.
okay, so I actually have a similar issue in California with getting a job that is trans friendly(I was actually sent OUT of a chick-fil-a for being trans and I couldn't stop laughing at how many people left the line over that) it seems that most of the places I apply to are either "not hiring"(please not there will be a now hiring sign on the door at this time) or require me to be 18, or they are of the dreaded "this is a Christian company so we will not hire you"(in-n-out) type. any reccomedations on somewhere I can try to get in at? thank you.
I've PM'd you, but check out the companies listed on Stonewall's UK workplace equality index. X
so earlier I posted about how hard it was for me to find a job that is trans-friendly. well, I found one. anybody know of chillis? they have a job app that has no refrence to race or gender and ask what you would like to be called on the application(they do need legal name for records), so you can get the name and pronouns correct with them with ease. just wanted to comment that they are one place that is supportive/friendly
I think you are on a good track having acknowledged the situation and trying to find a new job for you.
I have to agree with others about getting therapy.
Megan has a good point about the Stonewall Index. The BBC has recently made some headlines about being trans friendly and maybe your arts education could be helpful.
I did check our Iver Heath office but they currently only have a marketing internship and an executive assistant position open.
Speaking of that area: Pinewood Studios comes to my mind. Not sure of specific openings but may be worth a look. It is still within the public transportation of London and if I recall correctly, they have a shuttle bus to the nearest train station.
Sorry, I am a bit biased on Film / TV / Broadcast.
Good luck!
Hugs,
Sarah
The culture in the UK lends to it as well, you will always get guys with a cockney "luv" or veiled jabs which only a Brit would hear. When I moved to the states I found I had to adjust a LOT as things which were natural in London are completely lost over here. Americans don't hear our overly politeness as a sign of annoyance, which can be fun sometimes.
I think in terms of jobs, a toxic environment is the equivalent of PTSD in the work place. This is a real thing and feeling talked down to, subjected to a stereotype or feeling categorised are all subconsciously causing emotional stress which can really damage your health. I think the world is slowly changing, but we will always meet some genetic throwbacks who will say something like "ok luv, don't get your nickers in a twist" if you find their behaviour insulting
I work in the tech industry and most modern companies look for a corporate culture or family. I work with an amazing company that really is a family. I count my co-workers as my closest friends and they accept people for who they are rather who they think they are. We have a strong gay and transgender community and don't tolerate any form of victimisation no matter how mild it may seem to people not familiar with how it can affect someone.
Small firms and startups are good too, they have small teams and become very tight knit as your colleagues work together. I worked at a couple of really toxic companies in the past which seriously damaged my health. When friends ask for career advice, I always say "never let fear dictate your decisions" which is easier said than done. But it can make a world of difference in your quality of life.
I would never go back to some of the firms I have worked at and when I interview, I am not the one under scrutiny, the company I am interviewing for is. I want to know who I am going to work for and whether it is the right place for me. It's actually easier in the UK compared to the US, over here we often have health care tied to our jobs which makes it scarier to change. In the UK you will still get full health care, even if unemployed. Imagine not being able to afford your meds, because you are out of work! It will often make people stay in a toxic job, just to keep medical insurance for themselves or their family. In the UK, that's never an issue.
I won't go into a rant about American healthcare, it's a constant irritation to me.
I hope you find somewhere where you are happy, if you are not, find somewhere else. They would be lucky to have you.
Hugs