I've been unhappy not just today, but pretty much the whole weekend. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING THE GHOST OF MY WIFE'S HUSBAND! Ahem, sorry for the screaming. She loves me, and supports me, but she won't touch me or kiss me anymore. I love her, I don't want anyone else!... And it hurts me to see her cry because I'm not who she thought I was. I'm not looking for suggested solutions, just commiseration.
Even though the town has asked us to conserve water, I'm gonna go soak in a hot tub of bubbles.
Sorry you're going through that Dee
Hugs Dee! It's toughest on those who have known and loved us the longest. They have years of memories of our old selves and it takes time and more time for the new normal to take hold. The fact that she loves and supports you is an amazing and incredible gift. Hopefully the physical part will come along too!
Loads of commiseration and Hugs from the Ravens nest. And remember we all love you Too.
Sophie
Thank you all, I really do appreciate it. But isn't one long hard slog (HRT) at a time enough? I had some good today, though, a long chat with my cousin's daughter (reported in the proper places).
My narcissistic, controlling, transphobic/homophobic, Conservative father. ;D
Then again, no one can control how I feel. Only I have thee power to make myself feel a certain way. Yes, he is controlling but I don't care how much he thinks he can control, he cannot control my emotions. Nobody can....
Well...
Today I worked over 13 hours to cover for a slacker at my workplace. When I finally left and made my way home my best friend is at the door waiting for me.
He asks "did you hear about the black kitty?". The black kitty is a 1-1.5 yr old cat that I rescued when it's momma died. I would take it and clean out its wee little eyes because it had allergies. It always had a bad tendency to stay dirty and I would have kept him indoors but I can't in my living situation. I'm certain he was mentally challenged even for a cat. He would sit on a metal grate in the snow or rain and stare at the sky as it poured on him. But even though he was a little special runt, he was mine, I loved him anyway. Fast forward to me getting home today after my long shift. My friend explains to me in detail that two dogs that were kept in a lot at our building escaped. They ripped my precious Felix apart... My friends mom showed up and saw it all. Even after nearly ripping him in half Felix was still alive.. The animal shelter had to put him down because there was no way he would have made it.. I should have been there for him because I know he was too stupid to run from those dogs. I at least wish I could have been the one to deal with those evil satan spawn. There would have been no need to call the shelter. Although the neighbors would wonder why the backyard sounded like world war 3. So here I am. I will never see my Felix again. The sweet lovable special kitty of mine. Because I couldn't save him.
Goodbye Felix. :'(
I will never own a dog, ever.
That's terrible!!! :icon_no:
R.I.P. dear Felix :'(
Extra massive Hugs
I miss him so much! Every time I came home he would run to my car and wait for me so I'd pet him. :'(
The only good news is that his brother escaped. But now he's looking everywhere for Felix. There's a stray that would sit with them both sometimes and it's even doing the same. Searching..
Thank you for your kindness.
Quote from: Tech_Nymph on January 26, 2016, 07:17:42 PM
Well...
Today I worked over 13 hours to cover for a slacker at my workplace. When I finally left and made my way home my best friend is at the door waiting for me.
He asks "did you hear about the black kitty?". The black kitty is a 1-1.5 yr old cat that I rescued when it's momma died. I would take it and clean out its wee little eyes because it had allergies. It always had a bad tendency to stay dirty and I would have kept him indoors but I can't in my living situation. I'm certain he was mentally challenged even for a cat. He would sit on a metal grate in the snow or rain and stare at the sky as it poured on him. But even though he was a little special runt, he was mine, I loved him anyway. Fast forward to me getting home today after my long shift. My friend explains to me in detail that two dogs that were kept in a lot at our building escaped. They ripped my precious Felix apart... My friends mom showed up and saw it all. Even after nearly ripping him in half Felix was still alive.. The animal shelter had to put him down because there was no way he would have made it.. I should have been there for him because I know he was too stupid to run from those dogs. I at least wish I could have been the one to deal with those evil satan spawn. There would have been no need to call the shelter. Although the neighbors would wonder why the backyard sounded like world war 3. So here I am. I will never see my Felix again. The sweet lovable special kitty of mine. Because I couldn't save him.
Goodbye Felix. :'(
I will never own a dog, ever.
That's so sad. Special kitties need the most love of all.
Just wait though, and I bet a new kitty will come by. I swear I have a reincarnation of one of my favorite cats from back in the 90's now. I can't tell if he is a genius or incredibly stupid though.
Yeah, why would anyone want a dog?
A new snowstorm rolled in during the night and is forecast to last all weekend :P
Massive rain storm as I left work, wearing a summer dress. I was a drowned rat in seconds. Slipped walking to my car and smashed my ribs into a fence.
I had damaged them last week.
I was crying in pain but so wet no one could tell.
I feel awful, I have so much to do but feel so sick.
Quote from: Cindy on January 29, 2016, 05:29:06 AM
Massive rain storm as I left work, wearing a summer dress. I was a drowned rat in seconds. Slipped walking to my car and smashed my ribs into a fence.
I had damaged them last week.
I was crying in pain but so wet no one could tell.
I feel awful, I have so much to do but feel so sick.
That's terrible, Cindy! I hope you didn't fracture them.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.
Work has just gone from bad to worse.
Manager and senior manager have resigned as they don't like the direct the company is going.
The team will have two more resignations this week.
Getting asked to take a career step back to cover all the BS.
Time to start engaging the recruiters from tonight.
Not happy at all as it is a total mess.
Cindy take some endone and get some rest.
You will not feel anything.
Recruiter contacted as a few role I can walk straight into.
They got me the current job so it will be a piece of pavlova.
Feel a bit better but still mad that this is the only real option with the brown stuff hitting the fan
I will make them hurt when I go as I will have 60 day leave owing. Ouch
>:( >:( >:( >:(
^^^
So you coming to Adelaide for a few days?
Another snow storm and I somehow managed to wrench my bad shoulder and neck :P Can hardly move my left arm
Quote from: Cindy on February 04, 2016, 03:21:09 AM
^^^
So you coming to Adelaide for a few days?
After what I did to you last time you want me back for more?
Quote from: Jenny07 on February 04, 2016, 04:10:55 AM
Quote from: Cindy on February 04, 2016, 03:21:09 AM
^^^
So you coming to Adelaide for a few days?
After what I did to you last time you want me back for more?
Honey, I have lived at the bottom of life. The people who saved me didn't give up.
I never give up.
You are welcome here, I even have a spare room.
I utterly don't care if you present as X, jenny, Ronald McDonald, or a cat.
If you want to talk and see me, my arms, ears and door is open.
Being told "NO..." again...and again...and again....
Sorry that your having that happen. I hope things turn around for you. Hugs Mariah
Quote from: King Phoenix on February 04, 2016, 01:11:45 PM
Being told "NO..." again...and again...and again....
Sent from my Mariah's iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Cindy on February 04, 2016, 03:21:09 AM
^^^
So you coming to Adelaide for a few days?
Why don't i get offers like that? :( I love Adelaide.
@Tech_nymphe - Sorry i'm late on this but sorry to hear about Felix, All Kitty's need love especially the runts.
Sophie
Everything in general. Test week. Dysphoria. Pondering in the middle of the night if I'm capable of ever reaching a life which I will be satisfied with, and whether I would deserve that or not.
Things just aren't working out for me at the moment. Maybe they will, someday. But not now, nor any time soon.
My first day back in school was today, after nearly a full week of absence due to a pretty nasty virus. My first class was English, and the teacher asked out of curiosity if I had read up to date on our work. I replied that I'd read ahead before being ill, but had been too sick to do anything really. Quick as a flash this girl darts around and goes,
"WELL, I was sick too, but I got it done. What's your excuse?". The teacher and a few other students jumped to my defense, but this girl has a history of being quite unkind and trying to embarrass me/make me look lazy and stupid in front of other people for no reason really.
At the end of my school day, I had a surprise test, with three more over the next three days, and over 7 essays and 3 competitions I have to enter, all but one due by tomorrow or Monday. I stayed up for hours working away on all of this, including my missed work, and still haven't finished each one. Thank goodness two teachers have given me an extension on work or I'd have even less time to sleep.
Later on my friend said my hair looked crappy, before I said I had to cut it myself. I actually got a few compliments on it, which was good, but it was still annoying. He doesn't realise I 1. don't have the money for a haircut and 2. don't have permission to get it cut since I "don't pass as male at all and a barber won't take me" according to my mother. She's really been drilling in that I don't pass lately and it's beginning to really get to me... Either way, I spent 3~ hours cutting my hair to simply avoid him complaining about it and to relieve the dysphoria.
I just had to say bye to some people I've been marching with for years. As a very committed marching band member, I'm just feeling extremely devastated right now. Of these 10 or so people, probably only one or two will be able to make a visit anytime soon :(
Dealing with people who are barely competent all day at work.
They don't even know how to do their jobs.
And I have to fix it always... >:(
woman in a shop served everyone else in line behind me before serving me, even though I'd been there long before and was standing at the front of the line. I had to ask her to serve me which she grudgingly did. Was late for class. Gotta love being treated like a second class citizen!
Placing my breast pump on my breasts...
It's 2016, I'm 19, my parents still won't acknowledge that I'm a guy, I have no idea when I'll be able to get on T, and I still look like a girl. Not even like a young boy like a lot of pre-T trans guys do, I look straight up like a girl.
Feeling really sad for a friend :-\ As some of you may know I deal with spinal injuries, the other day after going to a therapy session I saw a friend who use to live down the hall in my apt. complex
She has spinal injuries also, unfortunately she had a couple of procedures done but it doesn't look to have gone so well :-\ She looks like she had aged 10 years overnight
I was offered to have my neck and back fused, but after seeing the results of others I'm thinking
"No way am I going for that stuff!!!"
Anyway, that's been gnawing at my mind lately
While I am happy I only have 1st World problems to contend with, I have to say gas makes me miserable. I'm not talking about the price at the pump either. I'm talking flatulence. The poots. Grade-A panty parters.
The worst part? I have to breathe sometime...
What made me unhappy was asking my partner over a month ago if they could help me after my surgery for 1 day and then 2 days ago they get a call from a friend and they jump to go out and now they won't help me after my surgery.
Not sure if it's a cold or flu but I've come down with a nasty bug :P
Technically not today, but last night I was forced to stay late at work because my co-worker slacked off, watched YouTube, etc. while on the clock. I had to help L wash dishes while D was screwing around, AND had to reclean the floor that D said he cleaned but really didn't get it anywhere close to clean. Three people running and cleaning a deli with four sections is bad enough, but when one doesn't pull their weight to the very end, it shows. I got out thirty minutes late.
My beloved Poopie is not well, he didn't wake me up today which is strange. I found him behind the settee shaking & whimpering, if he tried to move he yelped.
I just got home from the vets, they can't find anything wrong but agree something isn't right, he hasn't touched his fresh water today & yesterday whilst drinking he left a reddish brown slober in the bowl.
He was given a painkiller injection but is reluctant to move now we've got home, he's gotten me through so many bad times I wish I could do more to help him
Not happy about a lot of things. Wonder if there is any point.
There is a bird making a bird nest in a box in our garage for her babies, and my mother has vowed to get rid of it. :(
My kid just doesn't get why my cat is afraid of her. Like if you just go a day or two without screaming or growling then domesticated animals will let you pet them. It's not complicated.
I feel so bad about standing up for the cat but my kid is not even trying. Like go ahead and grunt and holler but don't get wistful afterward about how the cat doesn't like you. No judgement if you have to scream, really. But stop acting like it's a hurtful surprise when living creatures are afraid. That stuff is loud and scary.
God I'm so frustrated.
Finishing my coffee and as the day goes on, realising everything sucks and hating everyone/everything.
I had my session with my gender therapist today & it left me in tears.
I raised the subject of my lack of breast development, after 2 years on hrt I'm an uneven a cup. I said that I want to have BA & my therapist spent the next 45 minutes trying to convince me that I shouldn't, at one point she told me "this is the NHS & funds are limited"
I always thought you couldn't put a price on happiness, what a fool I've been!!
Certain companies dodge tax without consequences in the UK & its always those of us at the bottom of the pile who get told we have to think about the cost to society.
Cis women can get BA on the NHS so surely if someone transitioning in their 40's feels the need for this then it should be considered.
I'm already facing a huge bill to pay for FFS once I'm back in employment & now I may find I have to pay privately for BA in the future, it feels like the mountain I'm climbing just turned into a sheer cliff of ice.
I ordered a chicken philly at my job, and the lady gave me a philly cheesesteak. She didn't even give me a fork or napkins like she usually does, and I felt like she just rushed cooking the food. She even slightly slammed the receipt for me to sign. The last time she did give me a chicken philly, she put mayonnaise on it when I never request that. I specifically specified cheese, onions, and bell peppers only. I don't think she really likes me.
yesterday, during my therapy, my therapist had to remind me that black transwomen face the most danger(relatively speaking. We ALL face danger). I have been ruminating over this all day, and have been in a funk. I went to a space that was definitely not safe with some friends. I won't be doing that again anytime soon.
I just had a "thing" with my spouse. It wasn't an argument because it was all one-sided. She said a lot of random things and I can't really pick out any common thread. The only thing I can get her to admit is that she wishes I weren't trans and claims that I can't see that we're headed for divorce. I told her that that wasn't a step I was willing to take but evidently she is because "not being trans" is the only thing that will resolve the issue for her.
I moved all my things into the guest room.
I know I seem to be posting something like this about every six months or so. No need to repeat the usual advice. I've heard it. Even in a divorce I have nothing for her to take, our only child is an adult, and I make quite a bit less than she.
I have plenty of friends that support me. Many have said "call any time, day or night." Others have said that they have a spare room if needed. She has two friends and a brother. One of the friends is local. I worry for her.
Allergies
Looking down and seeing that unwanted thing made me somewhat unhappy.
Dangit my period is supposed to come on during the weak I leave for Dollywood. I pray that it somehow comes on earlier. I do NOT want to be walking around that park "on the second day". UGH, this SUCKS! :(
Had a counselling session at the GIC, and whilst it was useful it did reopen some wounds that I'd managed to wallpaper over. These sessions always upset me, because they force me to confront the fact that my home life is one big, slow-motion train wreck.
So feeling rather drained after that session, I then returned home to find my daughter launching into a tirade which included her stamping about with an enormous knife held aggressively in her hand... all because she was annoyed that someone else had completed her Sudoku puzzle.
Sheesh.
One of the things the counsellor said to me is that I'm living in a toxic environment and it would be better all round if we could all move into separate accommodation. I agree, and my daughter's behaviour was yet more proof of that fact. But I have multiple reasons for being unable to get out of this situation at this time.
So far today, new pumps came to big. can't wear out on weekend. just inside.
Got to exchange.
I'm not "unhappy". I'm P.O.'ed. Apparently, the idiots in the maintenance department can't be bothered to come up to my apartment just because it's a Saturday. Never mind the fact that my gas oven isn't working. Now, I have to spend money that could be used for other things on overpriced delivery food. God, I hate this place at times.
I had a big falling out with some friends so that has made me pretty upset and caused the usual chain reaction of negative thoughts : /
My husband's cousin posting yet more transphobic links on FB... I am both angry and sad that she feels the need to repeatedly attack transgender children. She has 5 kids and I hope for the kids' sakes that they are all cis gendered and heterosexual...
I just needed to vent somewhere and I'm not in the same city as my husband this week... so you fine folks are the recipients...
Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk
Vent away! Listening to venting is one of the services we provide each other. No way that you can block her I suppose.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on April 03, 2016, 04:46:28 AM
Vent away! Listening to venting is one of the services we provide each other. No way that you can block her I suppose.
Not without causing family drama... although my husband saw her post too and tore her and one of her friends a new one in his typical carefully researched and impossible to refute manner (multiple references and everything)... so by the time I went to bed I was at least happy about that...
He has always been my advocate in everything I do that is different from the norm (being vegetarian, not getting married until gay marriage was legal, getting my PhD, being genderqueer etc).
Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk
My state made it into the top 5 for highest suicide rates nation wide... Again :P
Flu, dripping with snot & a temperature
Quote from: big kim on April 06, 2016, 05:09:02 PM
Flu, dripping with snot & a temperature
Ewwww!
I'm glad that isn't my problem. I HATE being sick.
I had to throw out the strawberries because they were too tart. I usually don't throw away food. But, I couldn't eat those things.
Sinuses full, lungs congested to barely able to breathe at times.
Oh, and court yesterday to be evicted. Apartment to look at after? Nope, rented.
And a customer at work trying much too hard to get me fired.
Although some days have been a bit warmer there is still a bit of chill in the air so I am still wearing my winter coat at night
Unfortunately my coat has begun to experience 'Zipper Fail' :( Oh well, I'll have a few months during summer to either find a new coat or see if I can get this one repaired with a new zip
It's a great coat otherwise and has a bit of sentimental value because it belonged to my favorite nephew before he passed away
I am mentally ill , i can t afford therapy and no one talks with me .
Soon i will have no money , i can t pay rent , i have body dysphoria , social dysphoria .
I wish life was easier
The son of a guy I used to work with in court for a serious sexual offence involving a young boy 30 years ago. I always thought the son was weird, if I'd done something then maybe I could have stopped him.
I will loose my apartment in 2 days. I have a job but it's mostly under the table income. If I can't prove income then it seems that no one will rent to me. My credit is shot to hell. My partner is disabled but can't seem to get disability.
I'm so lost at this moment that I'm paralyzed by fear.
I've tried to get help and I have a caseworker and therapist but there's nothing anyone can do it seems.
If I leave my partner and the cats I could make it, but I can't do that. It's all the family I have.
I just am lower than I have ever been. Not suicidal yet, but not a whole lot of other options either
Sorry for the book. I just needed to vent and even Facebook is too public to vent this much
That's why I'm unhappy today
Still sad because I'm moving away from everyone I know. Lots of positive things, but I'm going to miss my few close friends
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After today's blood tests thinking that although Spiro protects me from the effects of T it is still flowing through my veins like a poison.
Made me feel very sad but lots of other things to be happy about.
Going back to the town where I was born. I thought I'd check out where I used to live and where my few friends lived. The street I lived in is a warzone(like most of the town). Jan's old house with smashed windows & a sofa in the front garden, Ray's old house boarded up.I never bothered to see were Nick, Donna & Mike used to live. A lot of shops from my childhood now empty, my old school full of shiny empty houses no one can afford.
My Sweetie hurt her leg badly and doesn't know how. She's missing work today because she can barely move and I'm missing work to take care of her. She has the necessary sick days, but if I miss work I don't get paid. Every time we get a little ahead something happens to push us right back down. I'm beginning to feel cursed!
The pharmacy screwing up my order and giving me the wrong brand of gel >:(. I prefer my normal brand because it's quicker to dry and it comes in sachets so easy to get the gel out; instead of the brand they've given me which comes in metal tubes. For me having to go to the pharmacy every month is an ordeal in itself: as I have social anxiety and feel like I'm being scrutinised. They also didn't have my order yesterday when they should have done so had to go back today. I wish I could just have my prescription home delivered bit that isn't an option.
Any else feel mentally exhausted by this or is it just me? :/
Bigoted neighbors getting all agro and bothering me :P
My dad calling me un attractive because I've gained a few pounds. It's only noticeable around my hips; I don't think my stomach bulges. Maybe my face looks a bit puffy. Earlier that day I actually looked in the mirror trying to make myself feel better about how I look; now that's completely out the window. And he wonders why I didn't get help for my mental health years ago.
More long hours at work. So far I have worked 30 days overtime in the last 3 months.
More this weekend and it never seems to stop.
I want to take leave as I have 60 days owing but can't.
Not happy
Blackpool relegated again!
Was feeling tired so went to bed, but then I couldn't shut my mind off and started having a massive anxiety attack :P
Decided to get up and keep myself busy with various household chores and check my emails and such
Going to give it another go, hopefully I can get a couple of hours in before I have to start getting ready for an appointment :-\
"Don't take this the wrong way..."
It's always a prelude to something offensive, when it's a prelude to complaining about me wearing a t-shirt that isn't two sizes too large it's even more so.
Learning of one of my dearest friends taking ill :'( Feeling very worried for her
Not today but yesterday. After taking some steps to visit the GIC, I was expecting a call to settle the details of the appointment. I received the anticipated call, but I was the usual jerk I am:
—Hello?
—Malename Surname?
—Err "good morning". Yes it's me.
The woman offered me a closed appointment date, no negotiation this time, and I couldn't accept it because I'll be in London that week. So she told me she'd call again, but I'm sure she won't because my being rough :(
How can I expect to have a good social life as a woman, being so rude. Here's hoping that HRT will change my vision of the world and people. But first I need HRT!!!
Still struggling to figure out my housing situation.
Struggling with a friends open transphobia. :(
Sno
Being yelled at for posting a thank you to Sweetie for 35 years of marriage (as of today) and telling her how much I love her and always will.
I deleted the post after that.
Follow-up:
The day got progressively worse. Sweetie told me this wasn't a marriage, that I'm not transgender, that my clothes are a slap in the face to her, that I've been unwilling to compromise,and that I had no consideration for her feelings at all. Only the marriage part is true and that only because she pushed me away in terms of physical affection, no hugs or kisses for example.
We had to go to court to face the possibility of eviction. We were able to come to an agreement with the lawyer. After that her mood changed entirely and she was quite pleasant to me, even making plans for the short vacation we have planned for a few weeks from now.
This is a pattern with her, bringing up everything that's bothered her when she's under other stress and insisting that her view is the only valid one and that there are no mitigating circumstances.
I'm not looking for suggestions. Divorcing her would accomplish nothing and she won't see a therapist. Nor will she listen to reason. Honestly, most of the time she is pleasant, loving and supportive.
And I sound like every other abused spouse in the history of the world.
One last thing, as of now 9% of this thread is me whining or someone being nice to me commiserating over my whining. I think that it's time I ceased to post in this thread except to encourage others. Posting for myself is accomplishing nothing.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on May 24, 2016, 09:01:29 AM
Being yelled at for posting a thank you to Sweetie for 35 years of marriage (as of today) and telling her how much I love her and always will.
...................
The day got progressively worse. Sweetie told me this wasn't a marriage, that I'm not transgender, that my clothes are a slap in the face to her, that I've been unwilling to compromise,and that I had no consideration for her feelings at all. Only the marriage part is true and that only because she pushed me away in terms of physical affection, no hugs or kisses for example.
.................
This is a pattern with her, bringing up everything that's bothered her when she's under other stress and insisting that her view is the only valid one and that there are no mitigating circumstances.
.................
Sounds typical of many cis-women. My wife is a example of that.
Being treated like an irrelevance by the 'man' whose children I produced. All I want is someone to love me; who treats me like a valuable human being worthy of love, respect and consideration. Is that too much to ask?
So sad to know that if we spend all that money, that now go to world power play and hard ware,there would be no hunger and toxic waste.
My stomach is acting up and while that might sound very small reason to be upset about, it's really uncalled for right now. I really can't afford to go down with stomach flu or some other c*ap because I have The Big Examination coming next Tuesday which will pretty much determine my graduation from this education.
Having to kill a spider and a giant cockroach in my room in less than one hour.
Metabolism's out of whack, no real confidence in my abilities and feeling out of my depth with this voluntary web design role I took up.
My lab results came in, the pre-hormonal baseline ordered by my endocrinologist. Pretty much what I'd expect, except for one little item.
Prolactin: 30 ng/mL Normal range: 2-18 for males
It's at the high end of the female range, or the low end of the nursing mom range. The estradiol is now on hold, but I'm continuing with the spirolactone.
I'm pretty sure I'm not nursing or pregnant. :P
We'll retest tomorrow, early in the day before exercise. Fingers crossed.
My husband is having a really hard time dealing with my gender right now. He was being incredibly supportive until recently but is now going through a crisis over it. He says he is feeling like less of a man and is not sure he can cope with me transitioning... but that he takes his vows too seriously to cheat or leave me. Today it reached a crisis when he admitted to feeling suicidal. I am hurt for him and me and I'm really not sure what to do.
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For the last few days I've been feeling like my life has "jumped the shark". And what do you do when a show has done that?
Quote from: Dee Marshall on June 13, 2016, 04:37:55 AM
For the last few days I've been feeling like my life has "jumped the shark". And what do you do when a show has done that?
Do a spin off and try and get things going good again?
Sorry, just don't know what else to say.
Thanks, Stevie, that's EXACTLY what you do. I was having a very bad birthday when I posted that. It did get better.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on June 17, 2016, 06:39:35 PM
Thanks, Stevie, that's EXACTLY what you do. I was having a very bad birthday when I posted that. It did get better.
Your quite welcome. I'm glad that things got better. I know some days I wonder why I go on, but life goes on and not everything sucks.
On my worst days, late at night or early-early in the morning I contemplate all the people who never met me who wish I didn't exist and wonder if that many people can be wrong. Eventually I remember that almost everyone who HAS met me really likes me and I get out of that paralyzing funk.
I've always thought you a pretty cool gal Dee
I get pretty down at times also, I definitely know about the paralyzing funk thing
Hugs
Being 6 weeks into a chest infection. It refuses to go. Take these and come back in a few weeks.
May as well just douse my system in rum and kill it that way.
loneliness overdose, infinite paralizing lonehhkll panicgfc
Hugs, Roses! Remember that there are people here, no matter how far away, who care.
For economic reasons I've been without estradiol since last Wednesday. Today I discovered that it will be at least until a week from this coming Thursday before I can refill it. I can already recognize old (despised) thought patterns returning. I'm not a happy girl right now! At least I still have plenty of spiro.
Among other things,
1)being to some degree in conflict with therapist but can't find another one
2)it's so damn hot these days - max ~41C (~106 F)
Quote from: Dee Marshall on June 18, 2016, 08:35:50 PM
For economic reasons I've been without estradiol since last Wednesday. Today I discovered that it will be at least until a week from this coming Thursday before I can refill it. I can already recognize old (despised) thought patterns returning. I'm not a happy girl right now! At least I still have plenty of spiro.
I can relate to that. I was keeping my patches on extra long trying to make them last until I was able to afford them.
Lucky for me the free clinic was able to cover everything else so I only needed to come up with the money for patches.
Hope you get back on soon. Definitely don't like feeling the low.
Hugs
My 2nd Father's Day without Dad. I still miss him even though he could be a PITA. I still expect a phone call from my sister telling me of his latest escapades (squaring up to a debt collector & offering to punch his lights out at 86!, kicked off Facebook for swearing, etc)
Thanks but it's too late for the call, he died in 2014. I hope you get to see your Dad again, I wish I'd spent more time with him while he was here
Quote from: big kim on June 19, 2016, 06:46:52 AM
Thanks but it's too late for the call, he died in 2014. I hope you get to see your Dad again, I wish I'd spent more time with him while he was here
I'm deeply sorry, I obviously misunderstood your first message. As for my dad, I'm not interested anymore, I have a new life now. Cheers, Rose.
Dissociated from the world around me
even when i speak to myself i don't see the courage or person i used to be its like i fell and am just willingly sitting there not getting up because i don't feel anything.
I'm existing, but nothings there.
I've been like this for days and its just worse.
I'm sorry your feeling that way right now. Maybe stepping back from what your doing right now and doing something else might help with that. Clearly something about what you have been or are doing is't working for you. It's resulting in the feel your having now. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Midnightstar on June 19, 2016, 09:05:57 AM
Dissociated from the world around me
even when i speak to myself i don't see the courage or person i used to be its like i fell and am just willingly sitting there not getting up because i don't feel anything.
I'm existing, but nothings there.
I've been like this for days and its just worse.
I have not seen my Dad for around 20 years. Some parents do not deserve the love of their children.
Back on topic:
Ebay screwing payments up, but that's a minor irk comparatively.
I try not to think of my parents because of how they treat me. Today is Father's day, so I can't get him off my mind. I'm already one massive panic attack into the day. :(
Quote from: Eevee on June 19, 2016, 11:04:15 AM
I try not to think of my parents because of how they treat me. Today is Father's day, so I can't get him off my mind. I'm already one massive panic attack into the day. :(
Hello Eevee, I don't care about parents at all, but I would really like a friend to go out sometimes. Anyway, I see you talk about panic, if you feel like it send me a PM I would like to know how you deal with that. Cheers, Rose.
Father's Day tends to depress the stuff out of me :-\ Think I'll just leave it at that though
Meh. I don't worry about that sort of stuff. As far as Father's Day is concerned: My dad and I haven't had any sort of real relationship for years now. Yeah, I may say 'hey' when I'm out at their house. But, it's pretty detached nowadays. It doesn't depress me, though. He pretty much screwed everything up with everyone in the family anyway. Oh, well. Life goes on.
Yeah, Father's Day is a depressing day. My ex has basically cut me off from my kids. Don't know what she says about me to them but I haven't talked with them in over a year. The fact that I lost my job and fell behind in child support doesn't help. Most depressing day of the year besides their birthday [emoji17]
Broke my lil' pinky toe :P So now it's a lil' purpley toe
Quote from: V M on June 24, 2016, 05:26:21 AM
Broke my lil' pinky toe :P So now it's a lil' purpley toe
What are you doing!!
I'm the one who threatens staff with breaking their bones!
Quote from: Cindy on June 24, 2016, 05:49:13 AM
What are you doing!!
I'm the one who threatens staff with breaking their bones!
LOL... Leaned my garden tools against a chair and took my shoes off after working in the garden then snagged my toe on the bow rake on my way into the washroom :eusa_doh:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ruralking.com%2Fmedia%2Fcatalog%2Fproduct%2Fcache%2F1%2Fimage%2F9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95%2F0%2F0%2F005071513.jpg&hash=d0510e7a5ba9d24f0cf605158a900cd537410c6e)
Quote from: V M on June 24, 2016, 06:11:25 AM
Quote from: Cindy on June 24, 2016, 05:49:13 AM
What are you doing!!
I'm the one who threatens staff with breaking their bones!
LOL... Leaned my garden tools against a chair and took my shoes off after working in the garden then snagged my toe on the bow rake on my way into the washroom :eusa_doh:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ruralking.com%2Fmedia%2Fcatalog%2Fproduct%2Fcache%2F1%2Fimage%2F9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95%2F0%2F0%2F005071513.jpg&hash=d0510e7a5ba9d24f0cf605158a900cd537410c6e)
Oh, we have all done that and it hurts a lot!
Ice packs!!
Quote from: V M on June 24, 2016, 06:11:25 AM
LOL... Leaned my garden tools against a chair and took my shoes off after working in the garden then snagged my toe on the bow rake on my way into the washroom :eusa_doh:
It is indeed strange how irresistibly attracted toes and garden tools are, just like lemon juice and eyes, fingers and closing car doors, bottoms and toilet seats, headaches and heads, etc...
Get well, Rose.
Quote from: StevieC9 on June 21, 2016, 11:56:14 AM
Yeah, Father's Day is a depressing day. My ex has basically cut me off from my kids. Don't know what she says about me to them but I haven't talked with them in over a year. The fact that I lost my job and fell behind in child support doesn't help. Most depressing day of the year besides their birthday [emoji17]
I am so sorry that happened to you. :( I can only imagine what the pain of not seeing my kids would be like. That is a fear of mine though. My partner's told me that he'd never take the kids away, but he also said he'd accept me only to turn around and misgender me and be passive-aggressive about me being trans, so I am pretty worried about what will happen as time goes by. Did your ex take your kids away only because you're trans? That's no reason to take somebody's children away from them. And not only is it harming you; Your children don't get to see you either and I'm sure that hurts them too. Have you been able to take her to court over this? I hope that things work out for you and you do see them again. I've never understood why one parent intentionally tries to hurt the other by taking the kids like that.
Quote from: WarGrowlmon1990 on June 24, 2016, 05:59:37 PM
I am so sorry that happened to you. :( I can only imagine what the pain of not seeing my kids would be like. That is a fear of mine though. My partner's told me that he'd never take the kids away, but he also said he'd accept me only to turn around and misgender me and be passive-aggressive about me being trans, so I am pretty worried about what will happen as time goes by. Did your ex take your kids away only because you're trans? That's no reason to take somebody's children away from them. And not only is it harming you; Your children don't get to see you either and I'm sure that hurts them too. Have you been able to take her to court over this? I hope that things work out for you and you do see them again. I've never understood why one parent intentionally tries to hurt the other by taking the kids like that.
I think the transgender issues kind of sealed the deal.
In February of 15 I lost my job that was keeping me barely in a home and still paying child support. I was also stupid and bought a car in the previous year. Suddenly no job and no income and I'm screwed. My partner has been trying and failing to get disability and I've been trying to support us.
So a few months go by of cashing in 401k and selling things to stay afloat.
So time goes by and eventually I get a job at ups. It's hard work, but they don't discriminate, so I do that for a while. Unfortunately, most of my pay goes to the child support and in still running out of cash.
So, by now I've fallen behind in car payments and I wake up one day to find my car is repossessed. Now I can't even get to work and I'm back to scrambling for something for work.
Basically, when I finally got a car and started working again, delivering pizza, I've fallen far behind in support and I'm being evicted.
I went to a support hearing and was told pay 4000 in arrears in one month or go to jail. I begged my ex to adjust the monthly amount, because I don't make the money I once did and to at least forgive the arrears or adjust it because of how life has been for me the past year.
Somehow, she felt seeing me go to jail was in the kids best interest. So I took what money I had and have moved far away where I get to start all over once again.
I think because I owe her money and am in no position to make myself available to the state right now, she can just shut me out.
I think being trans HAS freaked her out, but I believe she's using money as the justification of cutting me out of their lives.
Sorry for the book, but that's the brief version. I'm afraid she's going to poison them against me and they'll never know how I tried to contact them. They'll just think that I didn't care and will hate me.
It's going to take some time to get myself in a position to fight her. I only hope it's not too late by then.
Quote from: StevieC9 on June 25, 2016, 04:02:34 AM
I think the transgender issues kind of sealed the deal.
In February of 15 I lost my job that was keeping me barely in a home and still paying child support. I was also stupid and bought a car in the previous year. Suddenly no job and no income and I'm screwed. My partner has been trying and failing to get disability and I've been trying to support us.
So a few months go by of cashing in 401k and selling things to stay afloat.
So time goes by and eventually I get a job at ups. It's hard work, but they don't discriminate, so I do that for a while. Unfortunately, most of my pay goes to the child support and in still running out of cash.
So, by now I've fallen behind in car payments and I wake up one day to find my car is repossessed. Now I can't even get to work and I'm back to scrambling for something for work.
Basically, when I finally got a car and started working again, delivering pizza, I've fallen far behind in support and I'm being evicted.
I went to a support hearing and was told pay 4000 in arrears in one month or go to jail. I begged my ex to adjust the monthly amount, because I don't make the money I once did and to at least forgive the arrears or adjust it because of how life has been for me the past year.
Somehow, she felt seeing me go to jail was in the kids best interest. So I took what money I had and have moved far away where I get to start all over once again.
I think because I owe her money and am in no position to make myself available to the state right now, she can just shut me out.
I think being trans HAS freaked her out, but I believe she's using money as the justification of cutting me out of their lives.
Sorry for the book, but that's the brief version. I'm afraid she's going to poison them against me and they'll never know how I tried to contact them. They'll just think that I didn't care and will hate me.
It's going to take some time to get myself in a position to fight her. I only hope it's not too late by then.
No need to apologize, Stevie. She sounds like a very transphobic person, cutting you out like that. What worries me about this situation is not only the torture she's putting you through... but if one of your kids ends up being trans too I hope she doesn't abuse them or just toss them out. What you're going through is hard, torturous in so many aspects. And I know this is probably easy for me to say but don't give up on your children. She could be trying to corrupt the way they see you, but maybe if they get to see for themselves how hard you're fighting, maybe they'll see through her. Then again I don't know how old your little ones are, or how much they've witnessed. Mine are only 1 and 2 and a half (and my step-child is seven, but I have no say in educating her on gender because of her mother...) so if my partner were to do this to me, my kids wouldn't know me and it'd be easier for them to believe him over me. None of this is your fault. I'm sorry for not being very helpful. I'm struggling with social anxiety and am not so good at giving advice. But when I see people go through injustices like this... it's beyond sickening. It's so enraging how we get punished simply for being trans...
I have a bomb load of studying to do as well as organise our move this week ( we only found out late Friday we had the keys). Add to this a massive head cold and my motivation is rock bottom. Maybe tomorrow.
Cystitis
That thing between my legs is still there.
Everything, really. My extended holiday is getting closer to the end, along with the summer, the only season that's worth living through where I live.
Given the circumstances, I officially don't have actual friends. Seeing my dad is becoming more difficult, since my mutual hatred with his wife is getting more active and visible.
Not to mention that my dysphoria has recently been a frequent visitor, and it just gets worse when I have something else to worry about beside it.
Coffee maker died and leaked all over the kitchen counter and the floor this morning :'( Oh well, I probably needed to clean the counter and the floor anyway
But hey, I can still heat some water and use the filter cup and warmer plate to do the hand poured brew method ;D
I didn't get misgendered today, but I keep having flashbacks of times that I did... :(
Ear ache; had it since sat but since last night the pain has become unbearable. Thank god I found some prescription pain tablets in the medicine cupboard.
My wife. I reminded her of an upcoming therapy session, and asked if she'd like to schedule some joint sessions. "No, I can't deal with this." Um. Why is that? "It's making me very anxious." Well, that's what therapy would help with. We're having trouble communicating, and that's not good. "No, I can't have anything to do with this." OK, would you consider joint therapy in the future? "No, it would just make me anxious."
This isn't good. I'm afraid this marriage will be another statistic in the Fail column soon.
Oh, Michelle, I'm so sorry!
I've noticed that most folks really don't understand that part of getting hit by a car includes some permanent injuries which are often accompanied by migraine headaches and nausea
But then again I don't really like talking about it much so when someone acts like a rude jerk I just think to myself...
"Wow! What a jerk" and go on with other things
As usual, seeing that unneeded and unnecessary part.
I started my time of the month (technically three months cause I'm on the depo shot). I was irregular before I had kids so I didn't deal with it very often. Since having kids, it's been extremely painful and can last weeks at a time. Not only does my dysphoria sky rocket when this happens, my interstitial cystitis symptoms get worse too...
This is more yesterday than today, but it has kind of bled over into today.
I woke up feeling awful. Not great. My anxiety and dysphoria were just too loud. Work was stressful since, we are behind with a lot of things at the moment. So it was kind of hard to get into work to get out of my head. I felt like crap for most of yesterday. I feel a tiny bit better today, but it is a small better. Mostly I need a hug really...
I know it's not the real thing, but I'll give you a hug.
If your ever in Albuquerque I'll replace that with the real thing
Been wrestling the insomnia monster and trying to keep the dark thoughts at bay :P
Had to unfriend more people on facebook because of a homophobic meme that was shared.
Just tired of being deadnamed by everyone. I think it's starting to get to me now.
Just having a lousy day. Bad cramps this morning, then a headache and hot flashes (!) right in the middle of group therapy. (Low level alarm on hormones? A month of spiro, and no estrogen makes Michelle a sad girl.) On top of that, the group session was dominated by the three "senior" members lining up their surgeries.
It's my birthday and I cry if I want to. :'(
Quote from: Jenny07 on July 07, 2016, 04:21:13 AM
It's my birthday and I cry if I want to. :'(
Happy Birthday Honey!!!!
No need to cry!
The black current cheese cake I'd been looking forward to has turned into a science project
One of my little girls friends got ill and didn't make it. I've had to explain death before but no one at the nursery had the words to tell her where her friend had gone. My own spent her first 10/days fighting for her life, so I've been to that nasty horrible door.
Day one of move. Everything went wrong. I'm still furious about it.
Night one of the move. I had to lock my self in the bathroom as the walls started vibrating. This means I'm about to pop in a massive way. And its not fair on my family.
Due to an injury, I had a tooth pulled today. 2 lots of local and that's all he could give me. I felt everything. As someone familiar with martial arts, it feels like I've been punched in the right side of my face. Repeatedly.
Luckily, I'm on my 12th beer so that should haze out soon.
The guy at Costa calling me buddy several times even though I'm 22 >:(
The days I get misgendered, it ends up happening multiple times. This was one of those days... :(
Really intense night terrors about committing suicide and a bunch of the stuff going on in the world
3 or 4 days ago I put new pictures of myself that I took last week on a thread for that purpose. All those who did before me got at least a few feedbacks but I didn't, not one so today I'm hurt and I regret posting them, useless.
Feeling like I'll never pass. Seeing that dude in the mirror. Hearing that low voice. What the hell am I thinking is the thought that's repeating in my head.
Who am I kidding.
Lots of internal negative feelings.
Transition sucks. Why can't you just listen to a self hypnosis tape and be done with it?
My voice my horrid voice the main thing that people will notice and will go from thinking i am female to male. It like i thought you were a girl till you talked. this sucks but all well.
Not knowing if my girlfriend will still accept me & want to be with me if I go ahead with my transition.
Kind of unhappy but a bit more irked than anything :icon_blah:
Often when someone passes away some/all of their personal belongings are donated to the local thrift store unless otherwise claimed by a relative or close personal friend
Well, a friend of mine who kinda likes Asian things bought what they thought to be a small house plant planter of sorts at the local thrift store and came over to show it to me
They then proceeded to tell me that they had to clean it out real good because it was full of ashes :eusa_doh:
I didn't have the heart to tell them what they had just done with someone's ashes and told them how beautiful the plant is
I've done two Prides this month (most recently two weeks ago) and my family always reacts badly whenever I do them: they alienate me and I wind up feeling isolated. It's as if they feel I don't deserve any happiness or self-esteem in my life, and as soon as I do anything to assert myself or try to improve my lot, they have to try to stamp all over it to keep me down. Their disgraceful behaviour has set off my Asperger's symptoms and has made me feel very withdrawn and unable (& unwilling) to communicate with anyone. All because I'm not able to understand how people are deliberately cruel to other people, and I don't have the social skills to defend myself against their abuse.
Usually, I just get angry at my family for treating me this way and they go down yet another notch in my estimation, but this time I found myself feeling very badly hurt. I was wondering why it had affected me as deeply as it has, and then I discovered the reason: Shark Week has decided to pay me an unwelcome visit, and on my ex's birthday no less. Progesterone makes me feel miserable, and for the last week or so I've been suffering its horrible effects without even realising.
So being trans not only gives my family a convenient reason to abuse me... it also gives me some messed-up hormones that make their abuse feel much worse than it needs to be.
Quote from: V M on July 20, 2016, 11:11:16 PM
Kind of unhappy but a bit more irked than anything :icon_blah:
Often when someone passes away some/all of their personal belongings are donated to the local thrift store unless otherwise claimed by a relative or close personal friend
Well, a friend of mine who kinda likes Asian things bought what they thought to be a small house plant planter of sorts at the local thrift store and came over to show it to me
They then proceeded to tell me that they had to clean it out real good because it was full of ashes :eusa_doh:
I didn't have the heart to tell them what they had just done with someone's ashes and told them how beautiful the plant is
Just think how well the plant would have grown...<running away> >:-)
We had a social worker turn up yesterday.
Turns out one of the staff at her former nursery took time out to go down to our local child services and complain they had proof I hit my daughter or handled her violently.
She had 6/7 bruises on her lower back caused by her using a slide there. Which they've said has been out of use for months. As that's an outright lie, and I abhorre all violence towards children, extremely mad. We also pointed out at the start of the week she had bruising which occurred in the 6 hours she left us for their care.
Social worker dismissed the idea she had been hurt by me, so did a paediatrician. But they have to investigate and the nursery is now in the spotlight. It already lost its OFSTED rating for being inadequate, mainly around the supervision of children and training of staff.
I've responded by placing a Subject Access Request for all video footage of my daughters sessions (CCTV in every room) and all her paperwork, their observations etc.
Furious isnt the word, so I am now going to destroy this place.
A friend of mine has been made the victim of a transphobic hate crime which puts both him and his young kids at serious risk of harm.
A stranger has spread a false story on social media alleging that he attacked an elderly lady in his neighbourhood. They used his photo alongside a photo of some random elderly lady with facial injuries which they'd plucked from a totally unconnected foreign news article. They even found out his deadname & added that to the story, calling him a 'woman'. The post was up for several hours, during which time it was shared & commented on by hundreds of highly irate people - including people who recognised him because their kids go to the same school as his kids.
He's terrified. He got the post taken down but the damage has already been done. He has contacted the police, but they won't look into this until Friday and in the meantime, he's scared to show his face in public. And all through no fault of his own.
This is why I'm as stealth as possible. There are some crazy, vindictive people out there who would just love to mess up our lives simply because they have nothing better to do.
The fact that I post to this thread so much that when it recycled I became the starter.
The fact that I noticed how much I post in this thread and now I feel uncomfortable if I post anything here.
The fact that right now many of you are thinking "it's OK. If you need to post here than you need to."
The fact that I feel that I'm not worth your time.
Another day, another time to get misgendered by the people that matter most to me... it hurts the most when it's somebody close to you doing it.
With all the nonsense going on at work and being there for everyone, no one is there for me to turn to. :'(
Had a bad day yesterday as got to a breaking point.
Just had someone dump their chair on my toes. Wasn't wearing shoes. Extremely pained smile and suppress urge to remark on clumsiness overload activated.
Various things that are making me rather sad and upset that I can't really say or do much about other than trying to keep hope alive and hanging on in quiet desperation
Woke up feeling like that this morning. I've been having a hard time coping with all the negativity in my life and in the lives of people around the world too.
Work continues to be a nightmare. How much worse can it get?
So decide to get a new toaster today, my old one is just well old but works fine 20 years old plus.
Get a nice new one and plug it in and nothing, zilch???
Look online for reviews and issues and it seems all new toasters are just rubbish.
Warning to all don't by it as it is a waste of money. I know I will.
If everyone avoided it, perhaps things might change.
Quote from: Jenny07 on August 06, 2016, 05:14:04 AM
Work continues to be a nightmare. How much worse can it get?
So decide to get a new toaster today, my old one is just well old but works fine 20 years old plus.
Get a nice new one and plug it in and nothing, zilch???
Look online for reviews and issues and it seems all new toasters are just rubbish.
Warning to all don't by it as it is a waste of money. I know I will.
If everyone avoided it, perhaps things might change.
Yeah sure, avoid it sounds a good idea
Maybe you can take it back for a refund or exchange, did you save the receipt?
I keep having to deal with people in my life who tell me they accept me, then tell me that everybody would be happier if I stayed closeted. I'm starting to think that they'll all be happier if I'm dead...
I've been playing ring around the rosey with Verizon for the past week. They sent me a DSL self install kit. I installed it and told them that the line is dead and I needed a tech. They agreed and scheduled one. Someone decided they knew better and cancelled the tech. Today was the third attempt and there was absolutely no charm involved. Unfortunately they and Optimum are my only options and we already gave up on Optimum.
And our cell tower isn't good so hot spots are spotty.
On the plus side, this is the first post I've had in this thread that wasn't about my marriage.
...Dealt with more emotional abuse from my partner today. It took me five years to realize that what he is doing is abusive, even though none of it is physical. It hurts because I still have love for him, but I really don't think I can handle this crap much longer. On top of having the gender dysphoria beat me down spiritually, mentally and emotionally, I get to deal with the person who is supposed to be there for me do the same thing. I don't even feel like eating tonight and I'm usually a big eater. I just feel too dumb to be alive and that my existence is a burden...
I was going on a walk tonight with my boyfriend and some >-bleeped-<s yelled the usual trans slurs at me as they drove by. That was supposed to be a relaxing walk. Now I'm in tears. :'(
Quote from: Eevee on August 11, 2016, 03:46:15 AM
I was going on a walk tonight with my boyfriend and some >-bleeped-<s yelled the usual trans slurs at me as they drove by. That was supposed to be a relaxing walk. Now I'm in tears. :'(
Transphobic idiots like that ruin so many good moments for us. If only they knew what it was like to be harassed and have your identity denied. =(
Hacking up blood :P
I'm starting the education of a staunch religious zealot, who also happens to be a very dear friend, all the while trying not to out myself. Bleugh.
Sno.
Nearly got hit by a car, which of course dredged up some bad memories :P Managed to dive out of the way of the vehicle but landed rather hard and got drenched by the wet grass I slid across
I'll be okay but hurtin' pretty good for the moment
Quote from: V M on August 20, 2016, 12:38:36 AM
Nearly got hit by a car, which of course dredged up some bad memories :P Managed to dive out of the way of the vehicle but landed rather hard and got drenched by the wet grass I slid across
I'll be okay but hurtin' pretty good for the moment
Ouch. Good to hear you're okay. So many people on the road just shouldn't be driving in the first place.
What made me unhappy this morning? I'm dreading a wedding I have to attend today. Nobody there but my partner knows I'm trans, so because he's part of the wedding party I have to conform to cis norms and wear a dress and makeup. I'll keep this site and the people on here in mind so that I know I'm not alone.
Bleeding from the rear again. Something that's happened on and off and doctors are trying to work it out at the moment. Nothing says amazing like soaking through your trousers.
Some amazingly bright teenagers shouting profanities at my little girl for carrying a Sky plush (from Paw Patrol) and a Pikachu bag on her back. Calling a 3 year old "<Not Permitted> dumb" and then laughing at her when she cries takes the biscuit.
I did that horrible thing of looking over my glasses and saying "EXCUSE ME...?". Job done, still have my work voice is seems.
it may not seam like a big deal after reading what you all have been through.
But the thing that made me unhappy today was that i laddered my favorite stockings this morning
Most days i feel unhappy about the state of the world and what mankind infilcts on mankind
Why can we not all get on with each other and be kind and helpful to others
Alice x
Alice, it's horses for courses. My OH bought a brand new swanky eyeliner the other day, the sort you look at and go "how much for that??"
Our daughter flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes, it's those little things that do it - and that's all it takes.
Where to begin. Where to begin. Having a dysphoria week, generally not good. Compounded by friends who will only gather at ours *because it's the only house big enough*, who were all around yesterday evening, for a meal, that I spent time and love preparing, for conversations to roll round to we must have a gals weekend (invite for partner), and the other AMaB, invited to the guys weekend, and no invite for me.
100 ways to make me feel invisible.
Thanks. :(
I now just feel like what is the point.
Sno.
Sno, you could happily share some homemade focaccia bread and some stirling craft beers with us if that helps =]
Atom,
that would be great, some olives, homemade hummus, maybe a soft cheese or two, and some cured fish/ meats.
Thanks :)
Sno
It's a shame we're all spread apart. I have an idea, but I'll start a new thread. Watch for it!
(Prompted by Atom & Sno)
Slight cold. Can't hit the gym or track, just have to sit home.
Well, I think it will go away soon anyway.
My mother keeps talking down to me...mostly about things she doesn't like etc....
I'm sick of it...why can't she just drop it?
Can't she understand she's just making me even more stressed?
Woke up to discover that Shark Week has decided to pay me a visit.
Then went out to my car, and discovered that some reprobate has decided to key it.
Why are people like that? My car is the only nice thing I have in my otherwise hellish life. And just because it's nice, some jealous idiot decided that that needed to be damaged too.
I honestly hate humans sometimes.
Quote from: Eevee on August 11, 2016, 03:46:15 AM
I was going on a walk tonight with my boyfriend and some >-bleeped-<s yelled the usual trans slurs at me as they drove by. That was supposed to be a relaxing walk. Now I'm in tears. :'(
That kind of thing is why I'm afraid to go full time. It's a terrible feeling, when people treat you like you're not human. Yet I know I'm giving up opportunities to make real connections with people.
Doing something as simple as going for a walk takes a surprising amount of courage, for us. I hope you didn't waste too many tears over those transphobic idiots.
Everything, really. I've been seriously depressed since yesterday. I missed out on a Pride event because of this cursed social anxiety. I can't talk to my mother, since everything she says just makes me feel worse about myself. And it's my birthday tomorrow. Screw that, I don't want to celebrate having been born when I'm feeling like I shouldn't have.
Spinal injuries playing up again and affecting my motor functions and ability to walk
The pain is intense with each year becoming more difficult and the prospect of becoming wheel chair bound frightens the stuff out of me, not sure I can deal with living this way anymore
My hopefully soon Ex Wife said, when talking about her masculine features and behaviour: "This is who I am, I can't change that!" But still tells me that I *made the choice* to become a woman. Her facial expression showing such extreme disgust, that I want to jump and claw at that face.
She just doesn't want to understand and then wonders and is pissed that I treat her like she treats me.
Like a friend of her already said a few years ago, she became narrow minded. I'm wondering how narrow it can become?
I would be so glad to just remove that person from my life altogether but it's not possible due to our daughter and I'm worried about that.
Thanks for letting me vent...
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I'm still cranky about that nurse constantly misgendering me at the hospital, even with my record tagged with my name and gender identification, and after I corrected her.
Being tethered with this damn catheter isn't helping, either.
I should be happy, right? I found a great nail polish, it's almost the color of watermelon. I found $20 in my purse while cleaning it out. Just one bad dream that points out a bad possibility that I've been trying not to think about because I can't affect the outcome has me in a funk. I think I'm too sensitive.
Broken heart, and I don't make enough money to qualify for Medicaid..
I'm still tethered, wife and daughter here in the house full-time now as neither is working, and I can't be myself at all (I'm out, but it would be a violation of The Rules here). It's really starting to get to me. :(
Heart broken because of the hurt and anger my daughter is experiencing due to the separation.
I's almost 11pm her and we had a lot of screaming and crying. 😢
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Quote from: Michelle_P on August 30, 2016, 10:46:03 PM
I'm still tethered, wife and daughter here in the house full-time now as neither is working, and I can't be myself at all (I'm out, but it would be a violation of The Rules here). It's really starting to get to me. :(
That's pretty much where I'm at now too. I'm not out to my step-daughter yet because my partner and the few people that know are set in their ways and believe it would confuse and hurt her. Meanwhile I know that 7 is a very open-minded age. It hurts that I probably won't be able to tell her the truth until the transphobic and homophobic values of cis-het society get drilled into her head. What hurts even more is what my partner said about our sons. They're only 1 and 3 and my partner once told me something along the lines of "be prepared for them to resent you". It hurt worse than a slap in the face. I wish that everyone was kind and accepting of all people so nobody would have to feel the pain of their true self being denied.
Thinking about that and having flashbacks of the emotional abuse in my life has got me down today. It seems as if everyone who has been really close to me has been abusive in some aspect. My partner has been extremely jealous in the past and when he's had spurts of jealousy, he erases my pansexuality and trans identity, making me out to be a cisgender straight woman that's going to sleep with every cis man, non-passing trans woman, and passing trans man in sight. I've never cheated on him and this kind of erasure is extremely painful to deal with... it's why I still haven't made the effort to make any trans friends offline. The ironic, but not surprising thing about all this is my partner has actually cheated on me multiple times. He's gotten mad at me when I confronted him, he's come up with excuses sometimes, and has gotten angry and blamed me other times. He calls me names and makes fun of me when he gets mad. Lately I've been thinking that there have been more negative things than positive things in this relationship. Onto other "close relationships" -- my parents have both taken turns telling me I can tell them anything, then getting mad at me when I try to talk about things that have been bothering me. My mom tells me to "just shelf" my trans identity and that "there's a reason why people wait until they're old to transition". My dad has more in common with my partner than my partner would like to admit. He's kind when things are going good, but when he gets mad he sees red and doesn't hold back. He called me a "white trash retard" when he found out I was pregnant with my first son. When I tried exploring my identity when I was 15 in 2005, he made it out that me being trans would ruin my family's lives and reputations. Got shoved back in the closet for ten years and my dad probably still thinks it was "all just a phase". I'm gonna regret not coming out to him again if something happens to him before then. My sister who has been the most supportive and is one of my closest offline friends wasn't like that at all when we were kids. She'd bully me verbally and did everything she could to make me cry. She'd call me names, tell me how stupid I was when I'd ask questions. The weird thing is now she doesn't remember much of it. I however, remember a lot, but I wish I could forget. My partner sometimes says the same hurtful things my sister would say when he thinks I do/say something stupid.
I'm not sure if I feel any better after that vent. I got some stuff off my chest, but now I feel stupid, incompetent and like a waste of everyone's time. I'm struggling to survive this for my kids' sake. I want to raise them to be kind people who are accepting. And if any of them turn out to be trans, I've gotta be there to help them through the struggle. They certainly won't get that support from their dad or their grandparents...
You are not stupid! Nor are you incompetent! You have people trying to make something you can't help your fault, in some cases probably because they fear it's theirs. As to your cheating SO, cheaters often accuse their partners of cheating. It makes them feel less guilty.
Listen carefully. All of these people know exactly what buttons to push to get you to dance to their tune. They're not concerned about you, they're concerned about themselves. They want you to feel stupid and helpless so they can keep controlling you.
Sorry if that's a bit harsh. I see this happening to my trans siblings way too often. For anyone here who doubts, trans siblings are all of you.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on September 01, 2016, 12:29:21 PM
You are not stupid! Nor are you incompetent! You have people trying to make something you can't help your fault, in some cases probably because they fear it's theirs. As to your cheating SO, cheaters often accuse their partners of cheating. It makes them feel less guilty.
Listen carefully. All of these people know exactly what buttons to push to get you to dance to their tune. They're not concerned about you, they're concerned about themselves. They want you to feel stupid and helpless so they can keep controlling you.
Sorry if that's a bit harsh. I see this happening to my trans siblings way too often. For anyone here who doubts, trans siblings are all of you.
Thanks Dee. Your comment wasn't harsh at all, it made my day today. I've been trying to overcome this harder than ever for my kids' sake but some days are harder than others. I ended up having a calmer conversation with my partner about his jealousy and he seems to be opening his eyes more. It all started when we went to his friend's wedding a few weeks ago. That night was bad enough for me because I had to go back in the closet and wear a dress (I'm not out to everyone and he wanted to keep his reputation up). When I was talking to his cousin who is one of his best friends I looked at him for too long and that caused my partner's jealousy to rear its ugly head again -- after a whole year of no jealousy incidents. I'll admit that I can be just plain weird sometimes because of my social anxiety. Sometimes I straight up do not know how to interact with people. I can go from not making any eye contact at all to being a weirdo who does not break eye contact at all and awkwardly stares. I can see where my partner came from but at the same time we've had multiple conversations over this and he knows how awkward I can be. If I were a cis guy I'd be the awkward kid in school that girls would be too freaked out to talk to. It was the first time I really defended myself and I didn't beat around the bush or stay silent in defeat as I usually do. I told him that his feelings were because of his jealousy and that he wouldn't feel like that if he trusted me. Since we had that argument I felt like I was stuck in this situation and that he'd never change. But a couple days ago he told me that I can be friends with anybody as long as they're good with kids. I think me telling him how hurtful him not trusting me and me calling him out really got through to him. I can tell he's trying but he still misgenders me and I have a feeling that we may not be together in the long run. It might be sooner than later that it'll end because I really don't need to put up with any more emotional abuse. I went through enough of that with my parents. The difference between him and my parents is he seems to be actively trying and attempting to educate himself on this. My parents are set in their ways and my mom still insists that I never come out again to my dad. They're also the type to believe that they are always in the right, something that lots of emotional abusers seem to think.
Today wasn't too emotionally draining, but I was having some major bladder flares which isn't much better. Having interstitial cystitis along with severe gender dysphoria isn't making this any easier. I also got a message from a friend on this site that was very concerning. It's as if when some of us start getting better, others start to languish. Any time I hear about another transgender person commiting suicide I feel helpless and guilty because I want to help this community and prevent lives from being lost. But it's impossible to help when you've got a chronic illness and no extra funds to help out. I still feel guilty for not donating to this forum yet. :-\
Attempting to educate an RE teacher friend, who mis-pronoun'd Alexis Arquette, and complained that the articles and statements from her family had been mis-pronouning her...
Sno
Remembering a dear friend on 9/11 :'(
School.
I'm eternally grateful to be back in college, and for the degree I really want. However, with my circumstances of being trans and not being able to do a single thing about it (I joined a decade ago and have been frozen all of that time), being in college and being in the music department is making me more dysphoric than I had to experience the last several years, and there's nothing I can do about it.
The Aural Theory professor (who I must note is a great professor with a very fun personality) divides up singing by sex a lot during class, and every single time it happens I am very close to being brought to tears, and I can't focus on singing or anything.
Yet I sit here knowing that there is not a single thing I can do. I can not even begin to think of transitioning, so my suffering is "shallow" and meaningless. He can't alter the way he does things for the one student in his class that is 'offended' and not even transitioning. And I wouldn't dare speak up because I'm just grateful to even be here, back in college.
Waking up with the sensation of have thrown away the last 10 years of my life, "lol".
Everything is annoying me at the moment.
Work I can't stand and I need to get out of there asap.
Hate all the managers as they are useless.
Never had any recognition for all the $ I have brought in or new product built.
All the wasted 1,000's of hours unpaid overtime over the years.
What for? absolutely nothing.
Sitting next to people who eat worse than pig and eat all day. Disgusting.
Have to work with other locations who refuse to work a minute longer and force us to overlap always to cover.
All in all I hate life at the moment. >:( >:( >:(
Quote from: Virelai on September 19, 2016, 10:16:07 PM
School.
I'm eternally grateful to be back in college, and for the degree I really want. However, with my circumstances of being trans and not being able to do a single thing about it (I joined a decade ago and have been frozen all of that time), being in college and being in the music department is making me more dysphoric than I had to experience the last several years, and there's nothing I can do about it.
The Aural Theory professor (who I must note is a great professor with a very fun personality) divides up singing by sex a lot during class, and every single time it happens I am very close to being brought to tears, and I can't focus on singing or anything.
Yet I sit here knowing that there is not a single thing I can do. I can not even begin to think of transitioning, so my suffering is "shallow" and meaningless. He can't alter the way he does things for the one student in his class that is 'offended' and not even transitioning. And I wouldn't dare speak up because I'm just grateful to even be here, back in college.
It would be great if your singing voice was in the traditional female range; he would have to include you with the girls.
Went to the GIC today. No real progress. Last time, 2 months ago, the guy (psychologist) gave me a test (MCMI-III) and today I returned it, filled in of course. Today he gave me a bit of homework, need to talk about my past sentimental relationships and blah blah.
Next appointment in FEBRUARY :(
Quote from: Fresas con Nata on October 24, 2016, 01:32:16 PM
Went to the GIC today. No real progress. Last time, 2 months ago, the guy (psychologist) gave me a test (MCMI-III) and today I returned it, filled in of course. Today he gave me a bit of homework, need to talk about my past sentimental relationships and blah blah.
Next appointment in FEBRUARY :(
Which GIC is it?
Quote from: Elis on October 24, 2016, 01:36:52 PM
Which GIC is it?
Ramón y Cajal hospital in Madrid, Spain. Yesterday I was angry, today I feel empty and depressed.
Quote from: Fresas con Nata on October 25, 2016, 11:19:15 AM
Ramón y Cajal hospital in Madrid, Spain. Yesterday I was angry, today I feel empty and depressed.
Sorry to hear that. Probably not what you want to hear but time will go so much faster than you think it will. Think about where you were a year ago and where you are now. My GIC appointment probably won't be until May so I understand the feeling of impatience and unhappiness.
Went to a Harley owners group event, totally ignored like I was invisible. I was the only 1 who came on a bike though. A load of posers dressed up like Sons of Anarchy
I called a local lawyer and made an appointment for a mediated divorce conference.
To hear all the swearwords my daughter uses to describe her mother. Neither of them deserves this situation. :(
I'm terrified. I don't think I need to explain why.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on November 09, 2016, 06:52:05 AM
I'm terrified. I don't think I need to explain why.
Same here *hug*
I woke up to another day of this stupid messed up world
Having one of those "WHAT THE **** AM I DOING?!?!?!!!?!" days. Gosh the inner voice won't stop. Decreased performance at work due to that.
Got blown off by two friends in one day. As my mom yells at me about hanging out with my friends to much. When it the first time i been out in months. More depress then unhappy
I've been procrastinating and lazying about all day today. That's what's getting me down.
Alright, no, the truth is I did do a little bit of work today, doing some research for a potential contracting position. But there wasn't much to do anyway, so I mostly spent my day lying on my couch and fooling around on the internets.
I've left my job a couple of months ago to finish a university course and then have a bit of a holiday, and, well, I'm unemployed for the first time in 6 years and it's doing my head in a bit. I would look for work but there's a chance I might get something new in a few months time and I don't want to start something else just to ditch it as soon as my other (much preferred) option comes up. At the same time, I dont' know if the other option will be open.
It's a bit of a sticky mess. I'm trying to keep myself occupied but it's getting a bit difficult.
Also, need to get out more.
tl;dr: Nothing to do with my time.
I think I'm suffering PTSD from this election. Maybe I'm just terrified and slightly dead inside, but that may be the same
Feeling concerned for a friend, they are a dear friend whom I hold a great deal of respect for
Unfortunately I fear that they are being "sucked in" by someone who I trust about as much as a weasel in a hen house
There isn't really much I can do but be patient and hope she will see through this other person's destructively controlling nature
One can hope anyway, right?
My dad making me angry today,still wont accept Clarissa which is my female side in and won't even try coming to terms about it.My mom told him put the effort in at least.
One of my daughters actually told me that she is a TERF and that Germaine Greer is one of her heroes. I know my daughter is a feminist, so I pointed out that Feminist theory has moved on a heck of a lot since the bra-burning, all-men-are-evil stuff of the 1970s (which was essential back then but times have changed!) and there are far better, more modern, more enlightened feminists than Greer to follow; Greer is stuck in a 1970s time warp. As a feminist my daughter should be in support of all women, shouldn't she?
Her response: "Of course I support all women. I just don't support those who are men".
Crikey moses, you'd think after four years of my transition the girl would have a bit more of a clue, wouldn't you? I chalk it up to teenage rebellion & I don't doubt she'll mature in time. But it's bloody painful at the moment. I went through labour to be subjected to this. :'(
Even though any potential damage that could be done as far as the current medical insurance situation goes is a few months away at the most. I am terrified about losing access to my medications. If that happens, I am back to where I was a few years ago. If I get thrown back into this situation, I won't be around to see my next birthday. I can't deal with the idea of going back to that hell again.
Gatekeeper doctors...
I desperately need letters for a court ordered name & gender change so I can get my papers done before the executive orders that enable this without full SRS and a psych board are cancelled.
Naturally the doc doesn't care about this, or the WPATH standards.
And now I'm about to be saved from the terrible burden of medical insurance.
Not a happy girl today.
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Still having that disgusting thing.
Being reminded that there is more than just one weasel at play
Just been going through my PM's. It's been a long time.
Realised I never deleted any from Nero.
...
Damn. Talk about a punch in the gut. You think you can deal with something but when it comes to it, you really can't.
Huggles
Quote from: Sephirah on November 24, 2016, 03:08:11 PM
Just been going through my PM's. It's been a long time.
Realised I never deleted any from Nero.
...
Damn. Talk about a punch in the gut. You think you can deal with something but when it comes to it, you really can't.
Being told I cannot change my name because the country I have lived in for the last 30 years still considers me temporary resident except of course for the purposes of paying government taxes and fee's and being a good little citizen. Which I can do as long as I want...I can even retire her and collect the pension I just can't change my name. I now have to become a citizen of this country which is fine if they grant it...if they don't then I am not sure what I can do, if anything, about it...very very distressing thought at the prospect of never ever being able to be recognized as who I am whilst I continue to live in the country I have called home for 30 years...I have one avenue open to me...I am pursuing this now but it could take 6 months or 6 years i just don't know. :( :(
Quote from: Fresas con Nata on October 24, 2016, 01:32:16 PM
Next appointment in FEBRUARY :(
One month has passed and I'm still battling against this. A side of me wants to throw some coins to private psychologists.
Snow :P BLAH!!! snow... It's freakin' freezing cold here
hating snow is a sign of growing old, used to love it as a kid & now it's a PITA!
Someone saying horrible things, about a friend who I love and care deeply for :(
Pulled a muscle in my right thigh
My (still) wife accused me of being the (using male version of the german word) only one who is transphobic, because of me hidding "it" in many areas of my life. Especially work (self-employed) and my from dementia suffering mother.
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My girl and I are getting ready to move to a new town, new jobs, etc, so things have been very stressful. My identity exploration has been put on hold because I just don't have time for it right now, but today at work my brain was suddenly, "Hey, remember your friend dysphoria? Let's obsess on that all day and get no work done!" So that's been fun. Feeling like I'm going in circles again but resolving to really look into things and explore my gender in the new year, once we get settled and things calm down.
I logged in here for the first time in many months with a notification for 5 messages and I was excited. They were all automated from Susan. :(
Had a complete break down at work. Crying, pain in my whole body, and, for the first time in my life, seriously contemplating ending everything. I'm shift supervisor at a fast food place and was closing the store (so technically this was last night). I can usually displace the horrible feelings with a healthy supply of sarcasm. Its hard to be sad when everyone is laughing. :) The problem is that when the feelings hit I was all alone. I texted my girlfriend who just happens to be the manager of the same store(yes its awkward but at least I don't face discrimination at work). She had to come down and help me. I was completely paralyzed with despair. It is the worst it's ever been.
The sensation of being half baked made me unhappy today. This constant need of shaving daily, of hiding the male parts, of using a wig... or having nothing more than air under the bra. I was shaving to go out and get some stuff done but I suddenly felt I was faking my feminity, so decided to leave things for "tomorrow" and spent the evening in bed. I can't wait for finishing the electrolysis and having longer hair, for getting out of bed and look like a woman already. (Not to mention HRT of course but this wasn't the trigger today).
Quote from: Selena on December 15, 2016, 10:08:21 PM
Had a complete break down at work. Crying, pain in my whole body, and, for the first time in my life, seriously contemplating ending everything. I'm shift supervisor at a fast food place and was closing the store (so technically this was last night). I can usually displace the horrible feelings with a healthy supply of sarcasm. Its hard to be sad when everyone is laughing. :) The problem is that when the feelings hit I was all alone. I texted my girlfriend who just happens to be the manager of the same store(yes its awkward but at least I don't face discrimination at work). She had to come down and help me. I was completely paralyzed with despair. It is the worst it's ever been.
Hi Selena
I hope you are feeling a little better today?
Hugs
Liz
Quote from: ElizabethK on December 19, 2016, 03:03:59 PM
Hi Selena
I hope you are feeling a little better today?
Hugs
Liz
Thanks Liz.
Everything is ok now. I'm really afraid of being alone though. I don't completely trust that I will be ok but I'm going to make it one day at a time. Since I came out it has been really difficult to ignore things I used to be able to. I feel like i'll be in a better place once I start the medical part of the transition. I have an appointment on the 27th with my primary to discuss what options I have available. I do have a therapist lined up but she wasn't available until January. So these are both things to look forward to.
It's Christmas eve and one of our older rats died in my arms couple hours ago.
If this is life's idea of a joke, it's a horrible one.
Quote from: Tossu-sama on December 24, 2016, 03:46:34 AM
It's Christmas eve and one of our older rats died in my arms couple hours ago.
If this is life's idea of a joke, it's a horrible one.
Aww; really sorry to hear that :(
Quote from: Tossu-sama on December 24, 2016, 03:46:34 AM
It's Christmas eve and one of our older rats died in my arms couple hours ago.
If this is life's idea of a joke, it's a horrible one.
I'm sorry - I feel your pain!
When I was a child my rabbit died on the evening of Dec. 23rd. 😐
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Quote from: Tossu-sama on December 24, 2016, 03:46:34 AM
It's Christmas eve and one of our older rats died in my arms couple hours ago.
If this is life's idea of a joke, it's a horrible one.
That's a horrible way to start the Holiday season, Hope you're feeling a bit better.
Liz
Guest slashed his wrists in his room, police smashed window to get in hotel. He's going to be OK, I've got to clean it up & it looks like a set from a horror film. If anyone reading this is contemplating suicide don't go there.
The high temp. for the past couple of days has been 10F/-12C with the temp. dropping to -20F/-29C at night, I set the thermostat in my apt. to 55F/13C and it feels like a heat wave
These all-nighters are making me disagreeable.
Realizing how crappy and inconsistent my voice is. I hate the fact that I can't do anything about it. Even after years and years of work. Being in the wrong body sucks.
I find myself drifting from this place.
I think about trans issues daily. I still have things to accomplish. But my internal map is entirely feminine. Cought off guard I respond as any woman does. I no longer find it necessary to pre-censor my responses.
I find fewer and fewer topics here that spark my interest. I've seen much of it before and what I haven't seen seems to have little relevance.
I begin to see that I'm ready to leave the nest and that I feel less interested in guiding those who follow than I expected to.
This makes me sad.
I doubt that I'll disappear tomorrow, the next day, or next week. I can't reasonably predict when I'll be gone, but the day is surely coming.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on January 24, 2017, 07:55:42 PM
I find myself drifting from this place.
I think about trans issues daily. I still have things to accomplish. But my internal map is entirely feminine. Cought off guard I respond as any woman does. I no longer find it necessary to pre-censor my responses.
I find fewer and fewer topics here that spark my interest. I've seen much of it before and what I haven't seen seems to have little relevance.
I begin to see that I'm ready to leave the nest and that I feel less interested in guiding those who follow than I expected to.
This makes me sad.
I doubt that I'll disappear tomorrow, the next day, or next week. I can't reasonably predict when I'll be gone, but the day is surely coming.
Congratulations
I've noticed a decrease in time here, but still come back from time to time and post some.
So many valuable resources, but as it's a transition our needs change.
I am very happy that you're at the place you are now even though it makes you sad.
It can be a good sad
Hugs
Quote from: StevieC9 on January 24, 2017, 10:34:33 PM
Congratulations
I've noticed a decrease in time here, but still come back from time to time and post some.
So many valuable resources, but as it's a transition our needs change.
I am very happy that you're at the place you are now even though it makes you sad.
It can be a good sad
Hugs
((nod)) :')
Quote from: Dee Marshall on January 24, 2017, 07:55:42 PM
I find myself drifting from this place.
I think about trans issues daily. I still have things to accomplish. But my internal map is entirely feminine. Cought off guard I respond as any woman does. I no longer find it necessary to pre-censor my responses.
I find fewer and fewer topics here that spark my interest. I've seen much of it before and what I haven't seen seems to have little relevance.
I begin to see that I'm ready to leave the nest and that I feel less interested in guiding those who follow than I expected to.
This makes me sad.
I doubt that I'll disappear tomorrow, the next day, or next week. I can't reasonably predict when I'll be gone, but the day is surely coming.
Soon you'll be a Graduate! :)
Hugs, Devlyn
A boy who I remember being a few years older at school now a Grandfather killed in a hit & run in front of his wife. RIP Mike
This is why I don't ask for emotional support, everyone around me is so good at it they'd have a saint opening their own wrists within 5 minutes. ::)
Winter time dry cold bloody nose boogies and the bleeding cracked knuckles :P
Quote from: V M on January 28, 2017, 07:11:10 PM
Winter time dry cold bloody nose boogies and the bleeding cracked knuckles :P
The nose I don't have a solution for but if you but a little dab of this (http://www.neutrogena.com/product/hand+cream+-+original.do?sortby=ourPicks) before going to sleep, your hands will feel far better in the morning. You can get nearly 100 applications out of one tube if you don't use and excessive amount. I have been using this product for around 40 years and it still works great.
+1 on hand cream, I put loads on & wear thin cotton moisturising gloves at night. It soaks into your skin as you sleep
The hand cream with a pair of gloves at night did seem to help
Lack of money for electrolysis made me unhappy today. Knowing that my parents gave me the T that caused hair to grow in the firstt place still makes me angry and very unhappy. Knowing they knew I was unhappy yet did nothing to help me undo what they did to me makes me unhappier still.
Knowing that I have to continue to struggle every day, as if life itself isn't challenge enough, to find my way out of the deepest, darkest hole any woman might imagine, because of what was inflicted on me intentionally, while life keeps going by without me participating, makes me unhappy.
But knowing I have surviived everything I have survived, well, that counts for something, even when I am struggling as I am right now. But at the moment, I am unhappy. It is late, I am alone, I have hair on my face, I feel yucky and unlovable.
Even from the grave, even today, my parents still make me unhappy. I hope they rot. Not a nice thing to say, but that is what I truly feel.
How's that for a bit of darkness, for ya?
Missy
I logged on today and the front page changed. Can't find anything. Usually when I click on forums I see right away transgender talk or transsexual talk and they are not there. Somebody help me
Look for the white arrows in the top right of the page & click on.
Looks like I have been ghosted...
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Quote from: Norma Lynne on February 01, 2017, 02:01:14 PM
I logged on today and the front page changed. Can't find anything. Usually when I click on forums I see right away transgender talk or transsexual talk and they are not there. Somebody help me
I keep a tab to https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?action=unread open at all times. When I want to read the forum, I refresh it and open the individual pages of the listing in separate tabs each.
IMDb are getting rid of their message boards...
3 very creepy guys in a van asking me directions for a none existing street. I made sure I stood well away from the van telling them I never heard of it.
I dropped a bunch of my macaroni and cheese and Spam on the ground after heating it up. Fortunately, I'd just cleaned my floors a few hours prior, but there was still dirt in my macaroni noodles. Booh.
Also, I want a sandwich, but I'm out of bread, and I have no money for bread for a few days.
My woes seem to be all food-related... hm.
Nothing,.
Not a darn thing is making me unhappy today, despite the things that usually do still being issues.
Maybe I should be unhappy I am not unhappy, lol..
:-) Missy
Pretty sure my kinda-penpal Rebecka has forgotten me entirely. Then again, it's been almost a year since I last heard of her.
My parents told that they will never call me anything but male name and pronouns. Upsetting at first, anger next, now heading into resignation. Maybe a little bit of time away from each other will smooth things over.
I am not really unhappy. I would just like to have lovely female genitals.
My male genitals are unneeded and undesired.
When you've got someone in your life who would make Eeyore look like the life of the party
Being reminded of a time and place you would rather forget :'(
Was kept up last night with a cough and now struggling to stay awake.
Divorce mediation sessions. Worse, having to present as male (more or less) so the other party won't walk out. :P
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
My neighbors are annoying.
One of their friends walked into my apartment last night, too drunk to count numbers on doors.
I'm feeling bored. And useless. I don't have a job or studies. And I'm feeling like either of those would make me miserable on top of merely being perpetually bored and useless. It's exactly what happened before.
And I'm not seeing a way out of this.
Roommate being rude to me..
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finding my online docs appointment was BS . trying to get HRT >:(
Found out our dog is going to have to be euthanized tomorrow. In fairness she made it to 13 but she's got some pretty major health issues now and can't do a whole lot without assistance.
Quote from: PinkThorn682 on February 26, 2017, 01:29:44 PM
Found out our dog is going to have to be euthanized tomorrow. In fairness she made it to 13 but she's got some pretty major health issues now and can't do a whole lot without assistance.
:'(
And the fact that I'm not going to be around to say goodbye considering I'm in class all morning and then an hour and a half away by train. :(
I got treated like complete rubbish today from my stepfather for simply talking to my friends, yet the worst part about it is that it happens on a daily basis.
Having to fit a new tyre to my car cos had to drive it flat through the one way system going home last night and not being able to work out how to post photos from my lap top on here, avatar ect.
For avatars, at the top of the screen Profile>Modify Profile>Forum profile and you should be able to load one from your laptop.
Pictures are a bit more complicated in that you have to put the picture on photo server like Photobucket, capture the url and insert the following into your post.
[img]http://url.jpg[/img]
Working a 7 hr shift with no break in a fast food place on a Saturday :P
Its been a while since I last posted as I have really been down.
I hate hiding who I am and have little support outside.
I feel so also sometimes its hard.
Work is a pain and been awful dealing with a bully.
Why is this so hard?
A couple looking at me weird and I don't like that.I hate people that think I am not a normal person in life with me being a fulltime crossdresser.This was at the store buying a gallon of milk after getting out of church
Me still having fatigue issues REALLY bad, for around a week after my T injections. Its starting to affect my work and is a horrible time to be dealing with it since im getting really busy this year...
That and im often just bummed about where i live, missing out on opportunities because were not in the city and are so far from it, and always bummed out about the house we live in, which is literally rotting out from under us but cant afford to move atm. Gotta worry daily if someone will end up reporting our landlord for the house and get it condemned and us end up homeless. =/
Found a wrap of speed left in a room, forgotten how horrible the comedown is
Having something going on that I'd like to whine to all of you about but not feeling up for the drama the subject would generate. Meta-unhappiness!
Trying to figure out this stupid name thing.
I really like Estelle but I have a lisp that I am incredibly self conscious of and having a name that points it out would probably drive me nuts. (or nuttier in any case) And of course my parents were nice enough to give me something completely devoid of a feminine version.
It's kind of bizarre to think about since a name was always something I took for granted. Oh well, nobody said this would be easy.
I'm worried and nervous over the same thing I posted about on March 5. Progress is being made but I woke up tense anyway. I really, really need someone to talk to. (Sorry guys posting it here won't do this time.) Just need to get through this week, (then this month,...).
Mmmm so many worries.
I was speaking and my remaining vocal cord went.
I needed to learn how to speak again anyway.
Quote from: Cindy on March 12, 2017, 07:55:38 AM
Mmmm so many worries.
I was speaking and my remaining vocal cord went.
I needed to learn how to speak again anyway.
Cindy! I'm so sorry! I was just thinking about you while talking to my sister. The conversation moved on before I could tell her what an inspiration you are, but I know!
Quote from: Cindy on March 12, 2017, 07:55:38 AM
Mmmm so many worries.
I was speaking and my remaining vocal cord went.
I needed to learn how to speak again anyway.
This made me :'(
Seeing a video of a scumbag illtreating a French Bulldog. Lucky for him he's a long way from me. Reading about Cindy
Got pulled over for a headlight out this morning AND the cop misgendered me. Stupid thing is, he gendered me correctly before he took my ID and went back to the police car. What damaging bit of data is floating around in their systems, my middle name, perhaps?
At least he was nice. First cop I ever met who admitted to having a quota.
Well the daughters Drag beetle has been picked for a prestigious VW show weekend after next then I tried to get the time of work to take it. Company policy is restricted (as in no) holidays allowed mid FEB till end of March, yes you guessed it . Well the T kicked in and I had a go at the area manager(not his fault) but at least he said he will be seeing a high up on Wednesday and will ask. Not that I am holding my breath
Snowed in, packing up to move TOMORROW! Lots more still to do and no way for people to get here to help, if there was anyone I could even ask to help. Who schedules an eviction during a blizzard!?
Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 14, 2017, 11:57:32 AM
Snowed in, packing up to move TOMORROW! Lots more still to do and no way for people to get here to help, if there was anyone I could even ask to help. Who schedules an eviction during a blizzard!?
That's really crappy Dee. No fun at all.
Hugs,
Jeanette
This, by-the-by, is the thing I haven't wanted to talk about for the past few weeks.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 14, 2017, 12:36:27 PM
This, by-the-by, is the thing I haven't wanted to talk about for the past few weeks.
Do you need to talk about it now? Please open up a new thread so you can if you need to talk.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Thank you, but I'm in panic/packing mode. No real time to talk. Maybe by the weekend, if I don't close up like a clam by then.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 14, 2017, 02:14:25 PM
No real time to talk. Maybe by the weekend, if I don't close up like a clam by then.
Clamming up is not allowed. Hang in there until you have more time. Then come and talk about it. PM me if you'd like.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Dirt bag put his baby on life support I dread reading my local paper People's evil knowso no limit
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F8016235491c6828f9cae-6b0d87410f7cc1525cc32b79408788c4.r96.cf2.rackcdn.com%2F1705%2F19059796_1.jpg&hash=2bbaf8c1b50dafa9aed5e6f532287a76427a4b6f)
Great soy sauce in a cute lil' container, but tips over far too easily and I tend to like my soy sauce on my food rather than all over the floor and the inside of the refrigerator :eusa_doh: What a mess!!!
My lack of self control in doing something I knew was likely to get me in trouble.
Just look at my post in ARRRCH
The baby in the previous post died.
yes
I am having the worst year of my life and this week has been the worst week of that horrible year. I been dealing with, over the past, well actually since a month after I started HRT in September of 2014, 18 months of unemployment followed by under employment until I started working full time with people with TBIs at the beginning of the year. Finally everything fell apart and we were notified that we were being evicted as of yesterday. We began packing up and looking for a new place and in the middle of that 3 feet (about a metre) of snow was dropped on us which slowed down the whole move. Today I find myself exhausted, with stuff still to put into storage, and homeless. I feel that I've totally let Randi down. This whole thing made me so upset and insecure that I admitted to Randi that I really did not want the divorce she asked for last May. She told me that we are not a couple, just very good friends, and she still wants it. She wants me with her, but there's no where for us to be together even that much, or even, really, anywhere for us to exist even separately.
Her attitude is entirely to do with me being trans, she's made that clear, although she's made no effort to secure that divorce she's asked for. For my part, even with that loss, I know that transition has been good for me because prior to it, for much less serious issues that these, I've seriously considered suicide. I'm not considering it now. I would consider changing locations, I'm up to here with snow (literally). I won't go because I love what I do and the loving, supportive clients and staff I work with and I don't know where I would ever find that again.
So at 57 I'm homeless, I've effectively lost the love of my life and I don't see myself replacing her. What lesbian would want an old pansexual trans dyke who will never be able to afford that final surgery? (Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I know that love is still a possibility. I just don't feel that it is.)
Feeling for you, hope you get some place soon. I was lucky that my mom put me up for a few weeks when the wife kicked me out for being trans and that gave me time to find a flat Now have nothing to hold me back. So maybe if you can find your own space it may help you blossom. Hugs from Davina
Quote from: FTMDiaries on November 10, 2016, 06:34:55 AM
One of my daughters actually told me that she is a TERF and that Germaine Greer is one of her heroes. I know my daughter is a feminist, so I pointed out that Feminist theory has moved on a heck of a lot since the bra-burning, all-men-are-evil stuff of the 1970s (which was essential back then but times have changed!) and there are far better, more modern, more enlightened feminists than Greer to follow; Greer is stuck in a 1970s time warp. As a feminist my daughter should be in support of all women, shouldn't she?
Her response: "Of course I support all women. I just don't support those who are men".
Crikey moses, you'd think after four years of my transition the girl would have a bit more of a clue, wouldn't you? I chalk it up to teenage rebellion & I don't doubt she'll mature in time. But it's bloody painful at the moment. I went through labour to be subjected to this. :'(
Hey FTMDiaries... Sorry for digging up an old topic. Have you had the chance to talk to your daughter a bit more? Is it still the same, or has she moved out of this rather archaic and painful way of thinking?
Quote from: LiliFee on March 20, 2017, 11:13:48 AM
Hey FTMDiaries... Sorry for digging up an old topic. Have you had the chance to talk to your daughter a bit more? Is it still the same, or has she moved out of this rather archaic and painful way of thinking?
Hi LiliFee - thanks for asking. No, sadly I barely speak to her at all at the moment; I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks.
She's doing Social Studies at school & last year they looked into the history of feminism. I'm guessing that because she's so annoyed at me for transitioning, she latched onto some of those old-school ideas & is using them as ammo to get back at me.
Ah well, she's a teenager. It could be a heck of a lot worse, I suppose.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on March 20, 2017, 11:57:06 AM
Hi LiliFee - thanks for asking. No, sadly I barely speak to her at all at the moment; I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks.
She's doing Social Studies at school & last year they looked into the history of feminism. I'm guessing that because she's so annoyed at me for transitioning, she latched onto some of those old-school ideas & is using them as ammo to get back at me.
Ah well, she's a teenager. It could be a heck of a lot worse, I suppose.
Hm, I'm sorry for that :(
You seem like a nice and thoughtful person, so I haven't really got any other explanation as well :)
What I don't get about those second wave feminists and their rotten ideas: those ideas are the reverse of what they're projecting onto men. To take a bit of Germaine Greer's argumentation:
-> What's so bad about men? They use (biological) determinism to force people to think into binaries, thus creating a difference between men and women. This difference is then exploited for the sake of suppressing women.
Now let's turn things around -> What's so bad about TERFs? They use (biological) determinism to force people to think into binaries, thus creating a difference between trans- and cismen/women. This difference is then exploited for the sake of suppressing trans*people.
Let's take another page out of Greer's book: Mansplaining. Mansplaining is what happens when a man uses his infinite wisdom about women, to explain exactly how her life is going and how the world perceives her.
Turning this around as well -> Cis-Splaining. Cis-Splaining is what happens when a cis-person (sadly: mostly ciswomen) use their infinite wisdom about trans*people, to explain exactly how the trans*person's life is going and how the world perceives them (as in: projecting a shared femininity, assuming everybody's raised the same way, assuming they KNOW how trans*feminine/masculine socialization works etc)
Knowing that Cindy is in surgery...serious, serious life changing surgery.
Liz
Quote from: ElizabethK on March 20, 2017, 03:33:32 PM
Knowing that Cindy is in surgery...serious, serious life changing surgery.
Liz
True this :'(
I tried selling basically my whole closet to a consignment shop to get some much needed extra money. They only took 3 of my shirts and offered me $9 :-\
Once again, my mom is putting off taking me to school. Fun.
Work, not my job just the rest of it. Said to my manager this morning that I need docs appointment but earliest time is 8.30 , well I start work at 8.30 and his reply was"cant see that happening" so when I started being cross he had a go at me . He is a total pillok (idiot ) by law he cant stop me with reasonable notice. Anyway upshot is will go Online booking at work tomorrow and see which day I can get.
London. :'(
Well, this was yesterday really, but still: yesterday was Mother's Day here in the UK. And for the first time ever, I didn't get to see my kids.
My eldest at least texted me in the morning to wish me a happy Mother's Day, but my youngest completely ignored me all day. I made efforts last week to convince(!) them to go out to lunch with me, but my eldest was working (which is understandable) and my youngest is studying for her exams. So instead I spent the day alone being totally and utterly unappreciated, and whilst I wanted to do something nice for myself (like watching a movie or going out to a restaurant for a meal) I knew I couldn't bear to do it because everywhere would be packed with families showing their love & appreciation for their mothers. And I'd be sat there all alone with nobody showing their love & appreciation for me.
I resent having to feel grateful for a bloody text from my daughter. I deserve so much better than that. And I'm disappointed in my youngest for showing me such callous disregard that she couldn't even bear for me to pop round for 10 minutes so we could see each other on this significant day. She & I used to be best buddies when she was little, but ever since I came out she's been absolutely vile towards me.
Y'know, Mother's Day became a very painful experience for me when I lost my own mother in 1995. I had my first kid just a couple of years later, and the day was made much better by being able to focus on my own kids' love for me rather than on my loss of my Mum (although of course I think of her every year). But now that my kids have pretty much ignored me, the day's gone back to being a traumatic one once again. And once again, I'm absolutely dreading it coming round next year. Sod it, I'll just have to leave the country for the week next year. :'(
TL;DR: when you're trans, families can be awful.
After lunch (Had KFC) i walked home and my dysphroia came and acted up.. then it got worse as I felt my penis rub up agasint my jeans which made me so dysphoric i vomitted :/
Day off cancelled again, huge workload as no one else left
Diagnosed with PTSD again :P The psych prescribed an antidepressant, but I'm not sure how I feel about that
He seem to think I was joking when I told him that I wasn't real keen on doing what I consider to be doing drugs, but I turned the script into the chemist because if I don't "follow the program" I run the risk of losing what benefits I still have :-\
I guess being "caught between a rock and a hard place" can have both a literal and virtual meaning :-\
Quote from: V M on March 30, 2017, 06:12:54 AM
Diagnosed with PTSD again :P The psych prescribed an antidepressant, but I'm not sure how I feel about that
He seem to think I was joking when I told him that I wasn't real keen on doing what I consider to be doing drugs, but I turned the script into the chemist because if I don't "follow the program" I run the risk of losing what benefits I still have :-\
I guess being "caught between a rock and a hard place" can have both a literal and virtual meaning :-\
Big hug! I know what you mean about the drugs. I turned down a prescription when my doctor offered it. That seemed to perplex her.
Sending positive thoughts your way. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 30, 2017, 06:20:52 AM
Big hug! I know what you mean about the drugs. I turned down a prescription when my doctor offered it. That seemed to perplex her.
Sending positive thoughts your way. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Thank you
I guess it's a fear of sorts, but if I were still deployable I'd rather go on a jump into a hot zone than pop a pill every morning
Quote from: V M on March 30, 2017, 06:12:54 AM
Diagnosed with PTSD again :P The psych prescribed an antidepressant, but I'm not sure how I feel about that
He seem to think I was joking when I told him that I wasn't real keen on doing what I consider to be doing drugs, but I turned the script into the chemist because if I don't "follow the program" I run the risk of losing what benefits I still have :-\
I guess being "caught between a rock and a hard place" can have both a literal and virtual meaning :-\
Had the same thoughts before taking an antidepressant too. But thinking how I wouldn't not take a drug for a physical illness; taking one for a mental one isn't any different.
Sending positive thoughts too :)
Having someone on Instagram give me the comment, "do you count your face in cm or km" this really got me down. The whole long face thing is something that gets me down, and to have that thrown my way, especially with recent happenings in my life really sucked :/
Ant ants discovered my cordial cherries.
I don't know how to take that :o
I would take it as an act of aggression. Cry havoc and let slip the insecticide fog of war.
I don't like ants but I really hate wasps they're the skinhead Millwall hooligans of insects. Any insects got my cherries I'd zap them with Raid
Quote from: V M on March 30, 2017, 06:12:54 AM
Diagnosed with PTSD again [emoji14] The psych prescribed an antidepressant, but I'm not sure how I feel about that
He seem to think I was joking when I told him that I wasn't real keen on doing what I consider to be doing drugs, but I turned the script into the chemist because if I don't "follow the program" I run the risk of losing what benefits I still have :-\
I guess being "caught between a rock and a hard place" can have both a literal and virtual meaning :-\
I'm rather surprised, although there are always extenuating circumstances. Working in psychology and being a PTSD sufferer I know that antidepressants are not the evidence based treatment for PTSD. There must be more to the story, but they may not have told it to you. Then again, they could just be a lazy psychiatrist.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 31, 2017, 05:00:45 AM
I'm rather surprised, although there are always extenuating circumstances. Working in psychology and being a PTSD sufferer I know that antidepressants are not the evidence based treatment for PTSD. There must be more to the story, but they may not have told it to you. Then again, they could just be a lazy psychiatrist.
If I understand correctly his reasoning is that I also deal with acute depression and anxiety related to physical injuries incurred and a few other aspects of life
My daughter is hurting a lot due to the separation and the tension between her mother and me. Yesterday it broke my heart to see her suffering!
AND
I tried for more than a year to get a amicable divorce agreement. But my wife didn't answer to my last offer for more than two months.
Today I asked my lawyer to start legal actions.
I was laughed at and called the T-slur at the mall today. I can't stop blaming myself - even though I know I shouldn't -because I wore a regular t-shirt instead of a hoodie today. It's hot, but I suppose it's more important to layer my shirts and cover up what's underneath them than to be comfortable.
You can easily see the slight bulge of my chest through t-shirts, and while I'd love to have a flatter chest, I don't want to double bind. It's too risky... So I'll just wear hoodies until I'm able to get top surgery.
Quote from: maksim on April 04, 2017, 05:18:22 PM
I was laughed at and called the T-slur at the mall today. I can't stop blaming myself - even though I know I shouldn't -because I wore a regular t-shirt instead of a hoodie today. It's hot, but I suppose it's more important to layer my shirts and cover up what's underneath them than to be comfortable.
You can easily see the slight bulge of my chest through t-shirts, and while I'd love to have a flatter chest, I don't want to double bind. It's too risky... So I'll just wear hoodies until I'm able to get top surgery.
I am not sure what the acceptable styles are for you but consider a vest style jacket or a sweat shirt with cutoff arms. Both would put heaver fabric on your chest while at lest leaving your arms uncovered.
Quote from: maksim on April 04, 2017, 05:18:22 PM
I was laughed at and called the T-slur at the mall today. I can't stop blaming myself - even though I know I shouldn't -because I wore a regular t-shirt instead of a hoodie today. It's hot, but I suppose it's more important to layer my shirts and cover up what's underneath them than to be comfortable.
You can easily see the slight bulge of my chest through t-shirts, and while I'd love to have a flatter chest, I don't want to double bind. It's too risky... So I'll just wear hoodies until I'm able to get top surgery.
So sorry that happened to you >:( :(. If it helps they may not have thought you were trans; many cis men don't have completely flat chests. Have you tried the sports bra method (wearing one the right size and one a size smaller back to front over it)? Slightly uncomfortable but safee than other methods.
Dena, thank you for the suggestions! Sadly I'm very insecure about my arms (even in t-shirts), so the sleeveless hoodies aren't really something I'd like to try, and I'm not very fond of vest jackets, but thank you!
Elis, thank you for the reassurance. I'm pre-everything so it was probably obvious to them that either a) I'm trans or b) I'm just a butch lesbian that wants to look like a guy.
I wear a binder currently, I find that it works much better than the sports bra method (and it's actually safer), and when I say double bind I mean layering another binder or a sports bra over the one I'm already wearing. But thank you!
Oh Maksim. Have a (hug).
The man suit I inhabit, is very much not flat chested (one of many questions that my gp will be asked about), and can cause a few distractions. A nice quality dress shirt seems to work wonders at hiding shape, and the fabric tends to have a life of its own - perfect disguise, only needing hair cut to match and brows that have been left untended...
For me, as I'm non-transitioning, I've had a man cut to go with the man suit, so potential employers will actively consider me... I doubt it will stop my male fail though ;)
Rowan
Quote from: Sno on April 06, 2017, 06:19:41 AM
Oh Maksim. Have a (hug).
The man suit I inhabit, is very much not flat chested (one of many questions that my gp will be asked about), and can cause a few distractions. A nice quality dress shirt seems to work wonders at hiding shape, and the fabric tends to have a life of its own - perfect disguise, only needing hair cut to match and brows that have been left untended...
For me, as I'm non-transitioning, I've had a man cut to go with the man suit, so potential employers will actively consider me... I doubt it will stop my male fail though ;)
Rowan
Thanks Rowan, I've been looking into button-downs and dress shirts recently as a wise man suggested would be best for non-passing FTM guys. I'm a bit on the heavier side though, so finding one that fits my arms and gut while not looking frumpy will be a challenge!
Ohhh the male fail... Also a challenge. ::)
Oh, all mannoflage is drab and frumpy lol, don't worry about that, and I'm pretty sure that you won't need to worry about the sizes (in the main they are sized on neck size so the collar fits), men generally don't wear their clothes tight, so baggy is a-ok :)
Rowan
Selling my bike, the shiftiest looking character I seen in a long time came for a test ride with £5 deposit! (yeah right, that's happening!). I saw him with his shiftier looking friends cruising round in a big van, now he knows where I live & work & what my bike looks like. ( It's kept off the premises but near enough to walk to)
$300.00 a month rent increase.
Having to go to work tomorrow. Everyday should be Saturday.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
The battery in my pickup died, two weeks after the warranty expired. I swear there's a self destruct timer in those stupid things.
Day off cancelled til Wednesday 12 days without a day off.
lucky you 3 bl**dy weeks if you don't count sundays (do have hol Monday ) will be owed 4 lou days by then,Its our stupid managers fault not letting anyone have a due day when someone is on holiday but that is not so at the other branch. Pigged off over not getting HRT and the cost of private and didn't like the look of internet supply. Feeling dysphoric today as well and after a good day at Shakey with my daughter and grandson even if she did pull a face when the trans subject came up .
So went to get my ears pierced , SHUT wtf rang them to see if open on Easter Sunday as well!!!!!!! Next week then
A 130 mile trip to see a POS 1200 Sportster that was nothing like the description & worth half the price the cl0own was asking
Quote from: big kim on April 16, 2017, 10:11:56 AM
A 130 mile trip to see a POS 1200 Sportster that was nothing like the description & worth half the price the cl0own was asking
That sucks! I'm drooling for another Harley! I hope you find what you want.
Quote from: davina61 on April 16, 2017, 09:24:51 AM
So went to get my ears pierced , SHUT wtf rang them to see if open on Easter Sunday as well!!!!!!! Next week then
A right bummer Davina. Come on over I have needles and alcohol and will fix you up free of charge.
Hugs,
Jeanette
This week has been the anniversary of a major trauma in my childhood. I've been very fragile, and I'm also suffering from female body issues. Ugh!
Quote from: big kim on April 16, 2017, 10:11:56 AM
A 130 mile trip to see a POS 1200 Sportster that was nothing like the description & worth half the price the cl0own was asking
I hate when that happens.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
My sister's nebulizer quit working. I can't get a new one until Tuesday and can't seem to make hers work.
dang,
Jeanette
Change the I can't fix it to I fixed it !! and it made me and her happy. She needs to use it at least 4 times a day. New one is still ordered and will be delivered Tuesday.
Keeping my 883R Dee, better the devil you know.
I had to sell my superglide to pay bills when I shattered my shoulder. Right now I'd even take a rice burner.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on April 16, 2017, 06:28:03 PM
I had to sell my superglide to pay bills when I shattered my shoulder. Right now I'd even take a rice burner.
Hi Dee Got a very lonely Boulevard c50 that I can't ride only done 6k ;D I miss my riding days...beautiful day here sun shining, roads will be quiet...perfect riding weather about 30c
Liz
Haven't had righteous bike for years, but if I can ever afford it
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdx1media.dx1app.com%2Fproducts%2FUSA%2FHD%2F2017%2FMC%2FCRUISER%2FSTREET_500%2F50%2FVELOCITY_RED_SUNGLO%2F2000000003.jpg&hash=53f24f7b312c4196ddbb19ee1b3008d3ea2aa39e)
This is where my head is at
(https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.R45Y_FY4hXLKovV85pyOswEsDB&pid=15.1&P=0&w=239&h=155)
Had a very small family gathering at my mother's house. Don't know how long she can still live alone. Her mental state is worsening very quickly. :(
I've been a bit under the weather over the past week or so but thought I was beginning feel a lil' better, I was wrong
So today started with a coughing fit which triggered my gag reflex and up came last night's dinner :P So then I could feel my nose start to run, turned out to be a gusher full of blood :P
Thought about going back to bed but I have things I need to get done :P
I was finally open to my psychiatrist about wanting to start hormones, and he flat out said don't do that because it would "mess with" my body chemistry and mental health. >:( I got a little irate and may have said a few choice words. So now I need a new psychiatrist. There are not many in my area and I can't find any info on whether anyone is trans-friendly or not. Needless to say, I am not in a very good place right now. :(
Looking in my panties and seeing the wrong parts.
I lost a friend today because of the fact that I'm trans. He grew up in a very different part of the world, and I don't blame him for the way he was raised. I just wish people weren't so easy to throw others away for something they can't help.
I do feel as though I owe everyone I've met in the past few weeks an apology for deceiving them, though. It was only one guy from a rural area, but it's still hurtful and I feel very discouraged. I know I'll never be accepted in the country that my family is from. I just want to crawl under a rock.
I don't know why I'm so hurt by this. I was expecting it this whole time. That's why I never told anyone...
I know not everyone will accept me, but it hurts more than I expected it to.
Quote from: maksim on April 23, 2017, 02:40:53 AM
I lost a friend today because of the fact that I'm trans. He grew up in a very different part of the world, and I don't blame him for the way he was raised. I just wish people weren't so easy to throw others away for something they can't help.
I do feel as though I owe everyone I've met in the past few weeks an apology for deceiving them, though. It was only one guy from a rural area, but it's still hurtful and I feel very discouraged. I know I'll never be accepted in the country that my family is from. I just want to crawl under a rock.
I don't know why I'm so hurt by this. I was expecting it this whole time. That's why I never told anyone...
I know not everyone will accept me, but it hurts more than I expected it to.
You haven't deceived anyone. Like with any medical condition it's not your fault you didn't discover you had it until later in life. Would you be deceiving anyone if you had just discovered you were diabetic or needed to wear glasses? Of course not. You deserve a better friend than the one you lost.
Quote from: V M on April 16, 2017, 11:44:31 PM
Haven't had righteous bike for years, but if I can ever afford it
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdx1media.dx1app.com%2Fproducts%2FUSA%2FHD%2F2017%2FMC%2FCRUISER%2FSTREET_500%2F50%2FVELOCITY_RED_SUNGLO%2F2000000003.jpg&hash=53f24f7b312c4196ddbb19ee1b3008d3ea2aa39e)
This is where my head is at
(https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.R45Y_FY4hXLKovV85pyOswEsDB&pid=15.1&P=0&w=239&h=155)
Here's mine:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170423/45aba891b2b5c7a388e1c0b4c0026636.jpg)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Elis on April 23, 2017, 10:29:00 AM
You haven't deceived anyone. Like with any medical condition it's not your fault you didn't discover you had it until later in life. Would you be deceiving anyone if you had just discovered you were diabetic or needed to wear glasses? Of course not. You deserve a better friend than the one you lost.
Thanks Elis, I appreciate it. He's only known me as male, so finding out that I'm not biologically male really confused and angered him. It was sad, but you're right, he wasn't a true friend if he was willing to throw me away because of that.
I saw my birth certificate today and it made me extremely upset. I feel like it's more of a death certificate and I haven't been born yet.
I finally filed for divorce a few weeks ago to get things speed up. Wife didn't act on settlement proposal, so we hoped that it will trigger a reaction. No reaction but got the date for the first hearing middle of June. So I will postpone my name change again! I hate myself for overthrowing my principles for her in the past and now I have the whole mess.
My birthday was the 8th. Woke up on the 9th by landlord and told to leave. I declined and when the police arrived they agreed. However, I still have to move. Tired of all of my paycheck (most of it) going to my ex for child support. I have asked if she would alter the amount as it's still based on a decent job and I now make minimum wage. She blocks my emails and calls and has become invisible on fb so the only way to communicate is through my 12 year old daughter.
Tried to get legal help in my state but because the kids never lived here I got no help there.
Do I have basically been in a state of panic all month.
I found a place I can afford but it's in the war zone and the place is littered with hypodermic needles from drugs. They have already tried to scam me on money but right now it's my only option.
Suicide has been on my mind so much lately but I push on for one more day.
I really am trying to believe things will get better, but it's hard. So freaking hard
Sciatica, hello codeine habit we meet again
I'm noticing a change in my sleeping and hygiene habits that indicates an oncoming episode of depression. Because of this, my parents will likely assume the depression is starting because I've started HRT and they'll push to take me off of it. Just like they did with vitamin B12 because I happened to get depressed around the time I started taking that (a harmless SUPPLEMENT).
Regardless, I'm awake at 5:45 in the morning due to crippling dysphoria that's consuming every part of my thought process right now. I have to be awake very soon, but I don't see any sign of myself getting any rest tonight.
Quote from: maksim on April 30, 2017, 04:44:42 AM
I'm noticing a change in my sleeping and hygiene habits that indicates an oncoming episode of depression. Because of this, my parents will likely assume the depression is starting because I've started HRT and they'll push to take me off of it. Just like they did with vitamin B12 because I happened to get depressed around the time I started taking that (a harmless SUPPLEMENT).
Regardless, I'm awake at 5:45 in the morning due to crippling dysphoria that's consuming every part of my thought process right now. I have to be awake very soon, but I don't see any sign of myself getting any rest tonight.
Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately T will make you more tired and lethargic in the beginning but on the plus side you can tell your parents your tired bcos of the T instead of bcos of your depression.
It takes a while for your brain to become used to the influx of T but it is temporarily and the dysphoria will gradually become a lot more manageable.
(Yesterday) Realizing that there are nearly no vegan shoes that I can buy in-person. I don't consider pleather vegan, because no one can tell it's not leather. Fake dead cow is still offensive to me. I also have a foot injury which is preventiing me from wearing flip flops (one of my favorite footwear). It's all just very annoying to the extent that I want to make my own shoes, but I won't be able to even try them on until I heal.
Quote from: Elis on April 30, 2017, 05:42:16 AM
Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately T will make you more tired and lethargic in the beginning but on the plus side you can tell your parents your tired bcos of the T instead of bcos of your depression.
It takes a while for your brain to become used to the influx of T but it is temporarily and the dysphoria will gradually become a lot more manageable.
Thanks for the reply. I wasn't aware that T causes lethargy and tiredness at first, so that would actually explain a lot. I just pray that this is the only problem and not actually becoming depressed again! Either way, I'm glad to hear it'll become easier as far as dysphoria goes.
My fellow forum-goers, please keep me in your thoughts/prayers/whatevers. My parents just had a very big fight. I don't want to go into details, but I am just really upset right now. It would be bad enough as it were, but my anxiety and depression were also very bad right now to begin with. I am just not in a very good place. I promise I will reach out for help if I need it, even though it will be hard since I really don't have anyone besides my parents. So please just keep me in your minds. Thank you.
I just received a txt from my Electrologist to cancel my 1pm appointment as her small dog is sick?? She cancelled not long ago citing being unwell.
It is an absolute nightmare to try and co-ordinate facial injections and when I have to cancel one it is heartbreaking especially what I have been through to grow this beard out for 6 days.
I am at the stage where there is not enough hard core first growth hair to make for an hours work and if I don't grow out 6 days she can't get to the secondary growth hairs because they are not long enough..it plays havoc with my dysphoria and I have just had a one month break from Electrolysis due to scheduling issues between her and my Dr...I really want to get this done...I have managed to organise another injection for 1:45 tomorrow (which makes day 7 with out any beard removal thankfully it is very light if not long)
If I can get the Electrologist to move her appointment slightly I can get another injecting appointment tomorrow...I am doubtful about that though...I am so frustrated...
I was just thinking about ramping up my Electrolysis with an extra session each week with out injections just using lignocaine cream....I am just so sick of this hassle....At worst I am going to accept her appointment for tomorrow and go along with the cream on and see how much I can tolerate...7 days I have been growing this out and if I don't do something tomorrow I have been through all the stress and heartache for nothing ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH
Quote from: ElizabethK on May 01, 2017, 09:42:51 PM
.At worst I am going to accept her appointment for tomorrow and go along with the cream on and see how much I can tolerate...7 days I have been growing this out and if I don't do something tomorrow I have been through all the stress and heartache for nothing ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH
Now now Liz, This too shall pass.
I have hugs for you to make it all better. HEY! I have an idea... why not got get a makeover?
Wouldn't that be fun?
Hugs,
Laurie
Knowing I can never be the me I am supposed to be without losing those I care about, that's what made me unhappy not just today but most days. :'(
Trying to locate and old friend and I can't remember their physical address fully, and I'm not paying some company who sells electoral data just to get it. I guess I could send a few postcards to the numbers I remember. This would be a lot easier if she used social media.
I had to open up about my phobia today, and I'm going to have to talk about it tomorrow with my therapist, too. I don't like talking about it.
Periodic colonoscopy. With nuisance complications.
Three days of prep, nothing but clear liquids since Sunday, a gallon of slime over 12 hours, and "Nope, not clean enough." I got a standby slot late in the day, bought another gallon of slime powder, mixed it in a drinking fountain, chugged it from a bummed Starbucks cup, and camped in a public restroom.
So, 2 gallons of slime in 24 hours, and I was deemed marginal but they'd try.
Nothing found. Come back in 5 years. :P
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 02, 2017, 10:02:13 PM
Periodic colonoscopy. With nuisance complications.
Three days of prep, nothing but clear liquids since Sunday, a gallon of slime over 12 hours, and "Nope, not clean enough." I got a standby slot late in the day, bought another gallon of slime powder, mixed it in a drinking fountain, chugged it from a bummed Starbucks cup, and camped in a public restroom.
So, 2 gallons of slime in 24 hours, and I was deemed marginal but they'd try.
Nothing found. Come back in 5 years. :P
What a pain in the tush prep, but the result are good. So everything came out well in the end.
Good job Michelle!
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 02, 2017, 10:02:13 PM
Periodic colonoscopy. With nuisance complications.
Three days of prep, nothing but clear liquids since Sunday, a gallon of slime over 12 hours, and "Nope, not clean enough." I got a standby slot late in the day, bought another gallon of slime powder, mixed it in a drinking fountain, chugged it from a bummed Starbucks cup, and camped in a public restroom.
So, 2 gallons of slime in 24 hours, and I was deemed marginal but they'd try.
Nothing found. Come back in 5 years. :P
I did the gallon and then citrate of magnesia and it was good enough. I was surprised that I had more to clean out after the gallon. Well, I had three polyps, so back in three years.
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I start my prep at noon today for my colonoscopy tomorrow morning. :sadness:
As a stage IV colon cancer survivor I hope to be posting in the "what made you happy today" thread tomorrow...
Quote from: Gertrude on May 03, 2017, 09:04:12 AM
I did the gallon and then citrate of magnesia and it was good enough. I was surprised that I had more to clean out after the gallon. Well, I had three polyps, so back in three years.
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Okay okay. Since we are on this subject. I'll ask my doctor about the 3 year note in my records since 3 years has gone by and if it should be scheduled. Polyps were found in mine also. ( Hate having to go to such lengths to be clean )
Hugs,
Laurie
Wrong Section...thanks Laurie
Quote from: ElizabethK on May 03, 2017, 06:22:35 PM
My wife of 33 years used "She" pronouns when talking about me to my daughter today for the first time ever within my earshot...my stupid head wants to say it was accidental, but I don't care I'll still take it as a positive sign and a first...I didn't say anything but kissed her on the forehead and left her to her conversation ;D ;D
I think you are confused Liz. This is the "unhappy" thread not the silently ecstatic thread.
Hugs,
Laurie
Still more divorce paperwork. Just when we think everything was done, all the forms handed in, ready to go...
Something is lost, missing. Hilarity ensues. Of the panic variety.
At least, now, hours later, the missing document has turned up. Thank goodness.
What an un-fun day, though.
We have a provincial election coming up in a week. Since we've only been here two years, we are not automatically on the voters' list, so we need to get registered. But just to complicate things, I am full-time Kathy, but still waiting for my legal name change documents, so all my ID is still in my dead name. You need two pieces of ID to register.
So, the hell with it, I'll vote as <dead name> this one last time. But, since I effectively have two strikes against me (not registered, ID that doesn't match my presentation), I figured I'd better vote ahead of time at the Returning Office.
We got all the paperwork sorted out, including an "F" on my registration (Yay!). But between my presentation and registration that said F and my name and ID that said M, they couldn't figure out how to gender me. One person consistently referred to me as "her", the other as "him". *Sigh*
Oh, well, it's done, and I got to vote.
My mom seems to be regressing with her acceptance of my Tourette's.
I developed a new tic recently and she hates it so much that she said: "If you don't keep your mouth covered, I'm keeping you at home for the rest of the time you're doing this."
I argued that I can't help it and that I want to be able to enjoy life rather than stressing out about how other people look at me, she said "I know you can't help it but we have to find a happy spot in the middle where you control it enough to be acceptable."
Little does she know that the stress she's been putting on me by screaming at me whenever I can't cover my mouth in time (even in the effing car, with no one around to hear us) just makes my tics a million times worse.
I thought we were past this point. No matter how many times I tell her what EVERY SINGLE ONE of my doctors has said regarding it (just let it be), she insists that I call them for a second opinion. Every freaking time.
I'm so frustrated and I just want to cry. I thought we were past this, but I guess we're not.
Quote from: maksim on May 23, 2017, 04:54:33 PM
My mom seems to be regressing with her acceptance of my Tourette's.
I developed a new tic recently and she hates it so much that she said: "If you don't keep your mouth covered, I'm keeping you at home for the rest of the time you're doing this."
I argued that I can't help it and that I want to be able to enjoy life rather than stressing out about how other people look at me, she said "I know you can't help it but we have to find a happy spot in the middle where you control it enough to be acceptable."
Little does she know that the stress she's been putting on me by screaming at me whenever I can't cover my mouth in time (even in the effing car, with no one around to hear us) just makes my tics a million times worse.
I thought we were past this point. No matter how many times I tell her what EVERY SINGLE ONE of my doctors has said regarding it (just let it be), she insists that I call them for a second opinion. Every freaking time.
I'm so frustrated and I just want to cry. I thought we were past this, but I guess we're not.
I am so sorry to hear this. It is so easy for people to judge us when they don't experience it and have no idea what they are talking about. What part of beyond our control do they not understand. Hang in there my friend.
Moni
I was over in San Francisco, finished with shopping and whatnot and ready to go catch a train home, and I stopped to get an espresso macchiato. I was sitting in a corner there enjoying my drink when one of the local homeless people sat down next to me. That isn't what bothered me. There are unfortunately a lot of homeless folks in the region, with its insane rise in housing costs and unbalanced job market.
The guy just looks at me, then says, "Hey. You a >-bleeped-<?" Ow, on so many levels, and now I realize that I'm nearly boxed in. Bad seating choice! Deflect and evade time. "Désolé, je ne parle pas anglais." Stand and push the table aside, and leave.
Sorry, fella, but that is just a conversation we are not going to have.
Quote from: HappyMoni on May 23, 2017, 05:15:46 PM
I am so sorry to hear this. It is so easy for people to judge us when they don't experience it and have no idea what they are talking about. What part of beyond our control do they not understand. Hang in there my friend.
Moni
Thanks Moni, hopefully things will get better sometime soon.
Ouch, Michelle! >:( Not a nice thing to have happen. You handled it well.
French huh? Good choice not likely a language he would be fluent in. lol Well done Michelle. Did you by chance step on his toes as you made your exit? No? Oh well next time. Accidentally of course.
Hugs,
Laurie
The official word from Motor Vehicles: "Nova Scotia may not change the gender on your driver's licence without an amended birth certificate." So, I'll have to be a Kathleen with an M on my driver's license for a couple of years. Poop! :(
Yesterday would have been my 36th wedding anniversary. I realized the date in front of a client and broke down crying. Today is the first anniversary of her asking for a divorce. Nothing's been done about it yet and we're still living together.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on May 25, 2017, 06:28:13 AM
Yesterday would have been my 36th wedding anniversary. I realized the date in front of a client and broke down crying. Today is the first anniversary of her asking for a divorce. Nothing's been done about it yet and we're still living together.
I'm so sorry. We recently should have had our 20th were it not for the fact that he decided to reject me when I came out in 2012. We lived together until this year - 3 weeks before our anniversary - when he moved out and took both of our kids and our dog with him. Some people seriously don't deserve us. Life can be so cruel. But four months down the line I'm so much happier now that his toxic presence is no longer a part of my day-to-day life. I'm slowly healing and looking forward to better things. I hope you can get there too.
I saw some folks hangin' out so decided to just say hello - Big mistake - One of my jerk neighbors started talking about war stuff :P I just said that war is not fun and that I'd rather not talk about it then walked away
I seem to have hit a plateau in the boob department. Okay, it's only been four months; it's a marathon, not a sprint; etc., etc.. But still, they were doing so well for a while there. :(
Quote from: KathyLauren on May 29, 2017, 10:52:56 AM
I seem to have hit a plateau in the boob department. Okay, it's only been four months; it's a marathon, not a sprint; etc., etc.. But still, they were doing so well for a while there. :(
Patience Grasshopper. Still going...
Hugs,
Laurie
My poor little Hyundai got totaled by the insurance company. I liked that little car.
Since the deer died as well I guess we can call this one a draw.
The company rebuilding the west side of my condo exterior got to my unit today. The sliding doors to the balcony, and the balcony deck are gone. I've got four workmen hammering and grinding away 10 feet from me in my luxe open-air apartment.
So much for my day off.
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on May 31, 2017, 08:28:27 AM
My poor little Hyundai got totaled by the insurance company. I liked that little car.
Since the deer died as well I guess we can call this one a draw.
Loosing a car is always sad. :(
My school is closing.
The school that offered me a second chance to graduate is freaking closing and i won't be able to graduate. I've basically done years of schoolwork for this program, only to be told that now I have no chance to graduate.
I've never wanted to die more in my life than I do right now. I'm never going to succeed. I will be a failure forever.
Big hug! That's absolutely not true. I know you're disappointed, but you've been given a chance to do something else now. You'll have to regroup but I know you can.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 02, 2017, 04:37:20 PM
Big hug! That's absolutely not true. I know you're disappointed, but you've been given a chance to do something else now. You'll have to regroup but I know you can.
Hugs, Devlyn
Thanks Devlyn, I'm just struggling to see that. The job market is quickly closing off to people who don't have diplomas, much less people who have Tourette's and are trans as well. I can't get a job, my own dad won't even hire me because of my Tourette's.
And if I somehow miraculously find a place that hires trans people who have such a disruptive illness, they likely won't hire me simply because I don't have a high school diploma (I've tried at Target, probably the best place to work for someone like me).
I can get my GED of course, but I don't know how that works at all and I'd absolutely view myself as an utter failure if I were to flunk that test. I'm not smart and I have terrible memory.
I don't see any new opportunities opening up from this. I just see many doors I want to go through shutting off to me for good.
Maybe something will work out far in the future. It'll be extremely difficult to find anyone who will accept someone like me as an employee, or even as a student.
Oh well, I'll figure something out eventually. Hopefully.
No one seems to welcome my presence in two Discord servers, so I've decided to hide them. Granted, I have been complaining on them A LOT.
Also, reading on another forum about how someone died 6 years ago from cancer, and how my cousin has cancer.
Really rough memorial weekend :P
As if it's not enough to have the faces of dead friends plaguing my mind but then my sister rang up saying she wanted to go to lunch and had a refrigerator magnet with my nephew's picture on it to give me but she never showed up :-\ Then I made the mistake of calling my mom only to catch another ration of hell
And they wonder why I don't care to talk to them much :P
Quote from: Greyscale on June 03, 2017, 12:11:15 PM
I'm in a great depression for several months... Nothing makes me really happy, I wake up every day with a thought how much I want to die and I go to sleep with the same thoughts. Anyway I continue to live because I have no choice, besides a suicide will cause such a great pain to all my dear people so... I can't.
I'm continuing to struggle but all my days are the same and I see no happiness in my life at all. Now sadly it's my typical day...
I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing such feelings, but you are not alone, suicidal ideation is very real and a daily wrestling match for many of us including myself
Please do me a favor and promise to never give in and never give up, stay warm dear friend
Hugs
V M
I looked up the local pride celebration and realized it was today and it was already an hour into it. Between the rain and the ride to get to where it is and the lack of anyone to go with I just didn't want to bother. Now I feel guilty. Every other event around here costs money that I just don't have.
Happy Pride Anyway!
I called my Telco to change my name on my internet account, started with a chat person who told me I was required to take 3 forms of ID at least two of which had to be photo's id's...I thought this has to be a typo as we were talking via a chat to I queried and was told not it was definitely two...so I asked for a list of acceptable and they came back with a driver licence and a Passport I sad nope I only have the drivers licence so now what...In the end the telco called me and put me through to someone in a call centre to deal with it because I kept asking hard questions.....there is a whole lot more to it but suffice to say that it was all very civilised with the young lady I spoke to until after the 5th time of asking her to not call me by my old name as I had already explained I was trans and what my new legal name was...she said to me and I quote (I wrote it down)
"No... I am going to call you BXXXXX because that is the name I have on the account and it too hard otherwise"
My name is now changed with that particular Telco and I suspect that young lady had a really bad day.
Quote from: ElizabethK on June 05, 2017, 06:23:02 AM
"No... I am going to call you BXXXXX because that is the name I have on the account and it too hard otherwise"
My name is now changed with that particular Telco and I suspect that young lady had a really bad day.
That sucks! What happened to common sense and common decency? Why can't we treat other human beings with respect from the onset of an encounter? ugh.
Quote from: ElizabethK on June 05, 2017, 06:23:02 AM
"No... I am going to call you BXXXXX because that is the name I have on the account and it too hard otherwise"
My name is now changed with that particular Telco and I suspect that young lady had a really bad day.
Hi Liz,
Congrats on another successful name change. You list get shorter.
You wouldn't have had anything to do with this suspected "really bad day" the young lady may have had, would you?
Hugs
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on June 05, 2017, 03:46:42 PM
You wouldn't have had anything to do with this suspected "really bad day" the young lady may have had, would you?
At one point I said " They will ask you if I said to you that your were being discriminatory. So you do understand they will want to ask you some very close questions about what you said . They normally do in these kinds of cases" She Said "What do you mean"
"I said when the solicitor cross examines you"
"Sorry SIR I don't understand"
"When we are in court and they are cross examining you as to what you said and did so as to establish your liability in the discrimination case. I can't imagine that calling me Sir after I have asked you 6 times now not to do that and of course your subsequent actions, and if you call me Sir again I will ensure your name in number one on that litigation list"
I told her up front I was trans and what I needed to do and right up until she told me it was too hard to use my name I was prepared to actually make a compromise just to get the account name changed, once this was said I stuck to my guns. She knew she was in all sorts of trouble when she refused to put me through to a supervisor. and I asked her repeatedly very politely if she was refusing to put me through to a supervisor. Side track, change of subject etc etc
It was all sorts of things like telling me two forms of photo ID (as Liz) were required to be presented along with "supporting evidence" I informed her that this is not a legal requirement but maybe a Telco one...Nope she told me it was South Australian Law...nope you are wrong and if you insist you are being discriminatory because I could ring your company today and order thousands of dollars of products and still not have supply any more than a photo copy of a licence and probably not even that because you have identified me.
So will check my account today some time and see if the changes have been made.
I applied for a training course at our company and as part of this course they are making video recordings of the sessions and we also have to do some of our own recordings at home.
At first I thought that even though I'm not a fan of recording myself when presenting as male, I'll be able to analyze the recordings of myself with our teacher in order to improve my presentation skills.
But then the time came to create my first recordings today and I just couldn't do it. I was there alone for hours in the office after work.
It just feels wrong on so many levels that just thinking about it makes me cry.
How could I project the image of a confident man, who knows what he is talking about when I'm not a man, I don't really look like a man and I hate my voice and I feel like a pretender. And I am a pretender, I pretend to be a guy until I'm ready for full-time as a woman. If I really wanted to, I could probably do this, but it feels like that would destroy a part of my soul.
Tomorrow morning is the deadline and I'm thinking of bailing out from the whole course because right now I cannot imagine that I won't cry at the moment we start to analyze one of my recordings, but that would look quite strange as an explanation in an official email to my colleagues.
My daughter told me before bedtime that her mother somehow forces her to misgender me. When she tells her something about life with me using female pronouns, my ex plays dumb until my daughter uses male pronouns.
This really sucks and shows what an ignorant and transphobic person she really is, in total contrast to the open-minded image she tries to project to the outside world.
I realized that the reason I've been so sensitive and mood swingy and dysphoric lately is because THAT time is starting again. I know it takes a few months on T to cease, but it seems like it's even worse for me mentally now that I'm on T. It feels like it's not supposed to happen at all now, and that makes it so much worse.
Tapatalk has started showing me adds again.
On the plus side, this the only thing bothering me ATM.
I keep getting nightmares every time I sleep.. my mental health has been sliding downwards
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Quote from: ghostbees on June 08, 2017, 04:19:12 PM
I keep getting nightmares every time I sleep.. my mental health has been sliding downwards
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I feel for you I suffer vivid nightmares that will throw me out of bed(although it has been awhile since that happened) I have a program for my Phone called Dream Pro which records only when triggered by a sound and what I have managed to do is to work out that these nightmares all follow a same basic pattern and I am always trying to escape something....not exactly sure if that helps but at least I knew how noisy I was and what I was yelling about. LOL
Quote from: ElizabethK on June 08, 2017, 05:29:01 PM
I feel for you I suffer vivid nightmares that will throw me out of bed(although it has been awhile since that happened) I have a program for my Phone called Dream Pro which records only when triggered by a sound and what I have managed to do is to work out that these nightmares all follow a same basic pattern and I am always trying to escape something....not exactly sure if that helps but at least I knew how noisy I was and what I was yelling about. LOL
What phone do you have? I might try that dreams app to see how much I have.
The vivid ones are the worst ones especially if you get attacked in said dream. Worst one was when I got stabbed.. I woke up and felt the phantom pain [emoji37]
I hate waking up in a cold sweat. Do you have any tips for how to cope afterwards?
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Quote from: ghostbees on June 08, 2017, 05:33:41 PM
What phone do you have? I might try that dreams app to see how much I have.
The vivid ones are the worst ones especially if you get attacked in said dream. Worst one was when I got stabbed.. I woke up and felt the phantom pain [emoji37]
I hate waking up in a cold sweat. Do you have any tips for how to cope afterwards?
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IPhone 6 I have but there are android version or similar as well
Mine are always about being stopped from something or being confined or held against my will. In the earlier days before I began my transition they were usually quite violent involving me being held while horrible violent acts are being done to those I love...Some of those took me a day or so to get over. Recording them and listening to them seemed to have taken some of their power. Since I started my Transition the are far lees frequent...instead of every night or second night I have had 5 since the 16th May. I think that is pretty good I hope it helps
I have some pretty gnarly nightmares and wake up with the cold sweats, I've found that turning on a television is often the best sleep aid I have
I'm not sure, but I think it redirects my mind to a better place, I usually will watch comical late night talk shows, war movies are definitely out
One of my fine neighbors pointed out that I have "Green Toe"
Green nail "Toe" syndrome is caused by bacteria called Pseudomonas aeruginosa. This bacterium flourishes in wet environments, such as canals and so forth
The fact that he pointed it out didn't bother me so much but he tried to make it sound like some sort of contagious disease
So it was the first day in several months that I was able to wear shorts and here's this bad word embarrassing me in public :-\
My computer seems to be dying. It makes a lot more noise than it used to as its insides do stuff, and it also heats up a lot more than before, mostly for no particular reason. Why can't they just make machines that last? And before you offer up your explanation regarding capitalism and supply and demand and whatnot....making people buy new devices every five or so years because they're made not to last is not sustainable, and thus wrong. The general shape of the world's environment and sustained availability of resources should always go before short-term financial gain. The fact that people just can't get that through their thick heads bothers me even more than my computer's slow descent to nonfunctionality.
Quote from: FreyasRedemption on June 09, 2017, 03:28:21 PM
My computer seems to be dying. It makes a lot more noise than it used to as its insides do stuff, and it also heats up a lot more than before, mostly for no particular reason. Why can't they just make machines that last? And before you offer up your explanation regarding capitalism and supply and demand and whatnot....making people buy new devices every five or so years because they're made not to last is not sustainable, and thus wrong. The general shape of the world's environment and sustained availability of resources should always go before short-term financial gain. The fact that people just can't get that through their thick heads bothers me even more than my computer's slow descent to nonfunctionality.
That sounds like the bearings in a fan going. It might be replaceable if you can isolate it.
Quote from: FreyasRedemption on June 09, 2017, 03:28:21 PM
My computer seems to be dying. It makes a lot more noise than it used to as its insides do stuff, and it also heats up a lot more than before, mostly for no particular reason. Why can't they just make machines that last? And before you offer up your explanation regarding capitalism and supply and demand and whatnot....making people buy new devices every five or so years because they're made not to last is not sustainable, and thus wrong. The general shape of the world's environment and sustained availability of resources should always go before short-term financial gain. The fact that people just can't get that through their thick heads bothers me even more than my computer's slow descent to nonfunctionality.
If it's desktop, crack the case open and blow the dust bunnies out. I run my systems hard and I have to do it at least once a year. I have had dust bunnies get in the power supply fan causing a whine that drove me up the wall until I figured out where they hid the power supply. My G5 ran almost 10 years before the software became so old it no longer supported the new security protocols however it's still in place and runs fine for porting stuff to the new system.
Quote from: FreyasRedemption on June 09, 2017, 03:28:21 PM
My computer seems to be dying. It makes a lot more noise than it used to as its insides do stuff, and it also heats up a lot more than before, mostly for no particular reason. Why can't they just make machines that last? And before you offer up your explanation regarding capitalism and supply and demand and whatnot....making people buy new devices every five or so years because they're made not to last is not sustainable, and thus wrong. The general shape of the world's environment and sustained availability of resources should always go before short-term financial gain. The fact that people just can't get that through their thick heads bothers me even more than my computer's slow descent to nonfunctionality.
It never ceases to amaze me how many new computers are purchased because the owner doesn't take care of simple maintenance or have someone with a little technical ability take a look at it.. The noise is likely as someone has already suggested just a fan needing to be replaced because of worn bearings. The running hot is also like as previously just due to you never cleaning dust out of the computer.. Computers have airways that get clogged so air does not flow well, your processor has a fan and a heat sink that gets clogged with dust that can overheat the cpu and shut off the computer. Replacing a fan is simple and cleaning a computer with a can of compressed air is even simpler.
Another common reason for replacing a computer is that it is running slow. Why? The user have let all kind of unwanted garbage invade the computer software by their unsafe browsing habits. The quick remedy is the restore the computer to the way it was when it was bought. Thia is usually a simple process also.
In the first problem it is normal wear and tear from usage. In the last two the owner is at fault. No need to bring planned obsolescence or marketing into the discussion. Computer will run forever if taken care of properly.
Laurie
Thank you. I'm getting onto doing the easy part with clearing the dust out right now, and if that doesn't help with matters, I'll seek out somebody with technical know-how to get the fan replaced.
Also, Laurie, the main reason I'm here complaining about that in the first place is because this whole thing REMINDED me of the unsustainable resource consumption perpetrated by capitalist society. If my post implied it was the sole fault of said economic problems, then I clearly was expressing my thoughts the wrong way. As it often happens when I write these things in the spur of the moment and don't feel like rewriting and thinking every word through for an hour (which is how I usually treat everything I'm about to post). And bringing my distaste for all that up was the original intent of my post, instead of asking for technical advice (which, admittedly, I sorely needed). I didn't expect to get any of that (in fact, I wasn't even expecting a response let alone three of them), since I was merely venting.
My boss called me aside the other day: I had been showing pictures of my trip to Colorado to co-workers, and staff that I had previously told about my transition. One of them complained to her about seeing the picture of me in a skirt and makeup. She told me that she had to at least ask that I not display my transition so readily, but that she was personally fine with it, but some of the staff aren't as comfortable with it. She told me to just be careful who I show the pictures to. I was disappointed that one my co-workers was not as open to it as they seemed when I came out to them.
Yesterday I hurt my back (again), it was better in the morning but it's killing me right now.
We want to go camping at the ocean from Wednesday till Sunday, but I don't know if I can do that.
My daughter and I are looking forward to this short vacation since a while and I'm sad that I might ruin it.
Don't know if I can drive seven hours, erect the tent, sleep on the camping mattress....
Damn it [emoji20]
I had to get blood drawn today for my six-month checkup. It was the first time presenting as Kathy at the lab, and my identification is still in my old name. So I had to put up with being dead-named at every step. I went along with it ("Yes, officially, that's my name.") in order to get the paperwork done and get my results sent off to the doctor, but it was really irksome.
The sooner that name change certificate gets here, the better.
I reread a thread on that I responded to a couple days ago.
I honestly couldn't believe the level of misunderstanding and the willingness to bash others for things beyond their control. Isn't that what we deal with a lot of the time? I hate that tolerance and understanding suddenly means nothing when it's "inconvenient."
In addition to my previous grievance as well as my mood swings from shark week, I found out that there were serious protests in St. Petersburg. I'm glad people are taking a stand against the government's corruption, but it's not safe. People are getting arrested and beaten by police, things got violent.
In Moscow it was a bit surreal because the protests took place amongst a historical fair so there were costumed people from different ages in Russian history hanging out around there, some were active in the protests and others just wanted to go about their business.
Luckily my friends in St. Petersburg are all okay, a couple of them attended the protests but nothing bad happened to them personally, thank god.
It just sucks that these protests have to happen at all, and the Russian people have to face consequences for standing up for what they believe in.
I love clam chowder and like to add a bit of bacon, unfortunately I seem to somehow nearly always frag the bacon :P
Went to a trans group meeting last night and got on really well with one of the people there. I should have said to them you can add me on fb if you like. But I kept thinking how I find it really hard to read people and am never sure if someone is actually interested in me or just faking it. Oh well; here's hoping they go to the next meeting in 2 weeks.
And I missed college today. I just feel really tired lately and simply didn't feel up to it. So now I feel like an a - hole for not going as the teacher is really nice and supportive.
Also went to the GP today to get a referral to see a specialist to diagnose possible autism. The GP said he'd write a letter to the nearest place after I suggested it but I hate how he said autistic people tend to not be very self aware; which is a huge generalisation. I'm sure there are many autistic people who aren't completely stuck in their own world's and are fully aware how their brains acts differently from other people's. Also received a letter from the gender clinic at the doctor's saying my blood test results need to be redone as my T levels are too high. I hate getting my blood tested and I only did the test 2 months ago >:(. Also the GP asked me which way am I transitioning (er why would I be on testogel if I wasn't ftm!!?) and if that meant I had grown up female. Also why I was referred to the gender clinic and how I was changing myself. And to top it all off I had to tell him he had to send the blood test results to the gender clinic; which should have been obvious. I get this us the first time I've seen him, I get that GPs don't receive training about being transgender, I get he's older and out of touch; but my god can you at least try to not look at me like I'm a freak!!!
My legal name change is held up in bureaucratic limbo. They want me to provide a document that does not exist. I have calls in to the provincial ombudsman and to my MLA to see if they can help. Without the name change, I will be dead-named and misgendered forever. Grrrrr!!!
I have a sneaking suspicion, which has been building for a little while now, that my job is in jeopardy.
All of the Directors of the business have been acting strangely towards me, and I'm being excluded from projects that are my sole responsibility. Then yesterday there was a mysterious phone call from our HR consultant (who advises them on all their hirings & firings) - which is very strange considering they're not hiring anyone at the moment - and the person who took that call has been out of the office for most of the day, possibly in a meeting with said consultant. I asked to see my Line Manager today to discuss my concerns with him, and he's avoiding me like the plague.... which is his MO when he doesn't want to get involved in conversations that might implicate him.
Something is definitely afoot.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 16, 2017, 10:41:18 AM
I have a sneaking suspicion, which has been building for a little while now, that my job is in jeopardy.
All of the Directors of the business have been acting strangely towards me, and I'm being excluded from projects that are my sole responsibility. Then yesterday there was a mysterious phone call from our HR consultant (who advises them on all their hirings & firings) - which is very strange considering they're not hiring anyone at the moment - and the person who took that call has been out of the office for most of the day, possibly in a meeting with said consultant. I asked to see my Line Manager today to discuss my concerns with him, and he's avoiding me like the plague.... which is his MO when he doesn't want to get involved in conversations that might implicate him.
Something is definitely afoot.
Ruh Roh, Shaggy! That does not sound good. Hopefully you are just being as paranoid as I would be and it is really nothing involving you.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 16, 2017, 10:41:18 AM
I have a sneaking suspicion, which has been building for a little while now, that my job is in jeopardy.
All of the Directors of the business have been acting strangely towards me, and I'm being excluded from projects that are my sole responsibility. Then yesterday there was a mysterious phone call from our HR consultant (who advises them on all their hirings & firings) - which is very strange considering they're not hiring anyone at the moment - and the person who took that call has been out of the office for most of the day, possibly in a meeting with said consultant. I asked to see my Line Manager today to discuss my concerns with him, and he's avoiding me like the plague.... which is his MO when he doesn't want to get involved in conversations that might implicate him.
Something is definitely afoot.
Are you coming up on an anniversary of employment? How long have you been there? Could it be your turn for a promotion? Did anything spectacular happen with one of your accounts? A milestone birthday, maybe?
Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 16, 2017, 10:41:18 AM
I have a sneaking suspicion, which has been building for a little while now, that my job is in jeopardy.
All of the Directors of the business have been acting strangely towards me, and I'm being excluded from projects that are my sole responsibility. Then yesterday there was a mysterious phone call from our HR consultant (who advises them on all their hirings & firings) - which is very strange considering they're not hiring anyone at the moment - and the person who took that call has been out of the office for most of the day, possibly in a meeting with said consultant. I asked to see my Line Manager today to discuss my concerns with him, and he's avoiding me like the plague.... which is his MO when he doesn't want to get involved in conversations that might implicate him.
Something is definitely afoot.
I seem to remember something about an issue with a co worker a while ago. It's possible that some miss information was planted with HR and there is a conversation taking place behind your back about this. If my memory is correct, you may need to see HR and have a discussion with them.
My divorce will be final on Wednesday.
I'll be single and living on my own for the first time in my life. That's odd enough, but...
I'm a woman. I'm a lesbian, blue jean femme. I am trans.
With that combination I'll be single and living on my own for the rest of my life. It's got me a bit down today. I've got therapy scheduled next week.
Got dead named and miss-gendered a few times during dinner and I hate it that I have so much troubles with my voice.
And today is the last evening before going back home. No more snorkeling in the ocean for quit some time...
I fell into a barrel at work today...yeah.
I work as an actor in a scare attraction and one role is where you sit in a barrel and play a talking severed head. As I was getting in a slipped and scraped my leg. Ouch.
I think I have laryngitis. :(
a little silly but in my dreams I was really angry so I woke up angry and hating everyone.
actually cried a little at how silly this os
Got up, get ready for work, just about to leave to be early for work and my car battery died and it needed to be replaced as the vegas heat does not like to treat things nicely.
used a project car that I was restoring to replace it at autozone and it died 1/2 way there due to a malfunction with a sensor caused also by the heat.
2 and 1/2 hours later I made it to work since I am salary based I have to stay the full 8 hours, which is a good thing.
for lunch I ordered something simple so I can just get something in my stomach and they where rude and argued with me how I wanted my food made so I ended up being irritated mood all day.
What I thought was my voice dropping actually turned out to be laryngitis. I'm so sore and rather than a low voice, I have no voice at all.
This morning my Daughter drops in and at the same time my other daughter rings so whilst her at my place a 4 way conversation takes place and during this I am misgendered 4 times...I don't say anything to anyone but keep it to myself. I was irritated about it, yes, so my wife asks me what is wrong and I tell here to not worry about it too much as it is something I can deal with no issues...but despite this, she proceeds to prod me about why , and I keep trying to fob her off saying its Ok don't worry about.
It was accidental on their part and even though it still hurts I did not want to make a deal out of it...but she kept saying is it "X"? or maybe its because of "Y" and in the end I got exasperated and told her...
So now she has the >-bleeped-<s on because I "called her out" on pronouns(which I didn't)...wholly crap I did everything I could not to get into the conversation
Being misgendered hurts, and whilst I tried to keep it to myself because it was a simple mistake it has now blown up in my face...aaarrrrrggghhh!!!!
Just lost (or had stolen?) my purse, with my brand new drivers license. Now the nuisance of cancelling cards and paying out for a new license, and I loved that purse!
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51 years ago we had the Compton's Cafeteria riot in San Francisco, where a transgender woman wh became fed up and frustrated over constant harassment by authorities lobbed a coffee cup at a cop who was there arresting her again for the terrible crime of bein ger authentic self.
Yesterday I marched with 7,000 other transgender people and their allies in a huge protest of current policies that seek to criminalize us for being our authentic selves. This was no parade or celebration, but a real protest, with signs, chants, singing and walking in solidarity.
51 damn years, 51 YEARS of this, and nothing has changed. Oh, there are pockets of acceptance, but look at what is going on. More laws are being passed to restrict our lives. Government protections for our youth are being torn down. We're barely tolerated by the gay and lesbian communities, and the Human Rights Campaign routinely throws us under the bus if supporting trans issues becomes inconvenient.
This has me unhappy today.
Finding out that someone has been "shooting up" in the community bathroom which is reserved for the care takers and such
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 24, 2017, 10:08:23 AM
51 years ago we had the Compton's Cafeteria riot in San Francisco, where a transgender woman wh became fed up and frustrated over constant harassment by authorities lobbed a coffee cup at a cop who was there arresting her again for the terrible crime of bein ger authentic self.
Yesterday I marched with 7,000 other transgender people and their allies in a huge protest of current policies that seek to criminalize us for being our authentic selves. This was no parade or celebration, but a real protest, with signs, chants, singing and walking in solidarity.
51 damn years, 51 YEARS of this, and nothing has changed. Oh, there are pockets of acceptance, but look at what is going on. More laws are being passed to restrict our lives. Government protections for our youth are being torn down. We're barely tolerated by the gay and lesbian communities, and the Human Rights Campaign routinely throws us under the bus if supporting trans issues becomes inconvenient.
This has me unhappy today.
I hear you.
51 years ago a brave woman stood for her rights as a human being and 51 years later brave men and women celebrate it.
A brave woman was threatened in the street and she overcame her fear.
A woman had to have radical throat surgery and was terrified - her medical team cleared the theatre and restricted access to preserve her dignity.
Transgender people are in the news and not as freaks but as men and women in society; Doctors, Lawyers, Journalists, Shop Assistants, Cleaners - PEOPLE.
51 years ago I was thinking of, trying or recovering from a suicide attempt.
We have a long way to go but we fight for our rights.
Be happy about that and celebrate and be proud.
I received word that an acquaintance, a co-worker of Randi's, passed away last night.
I been told I have to leave my apparament in mid August.
This was a work building and I paid literally nothing on Rent, in Switzerland. Apartments wher I am usually cost around 1500, so I don't think I will be able to find another, and will probably have to leave, return to poor Ireland :/
I can't believe it will end like this.
And I will have to find new work, and I will have to do it as a girl, but I'm still not so confident with my terrible voice.
I can't start new work and have them to come out again to everyone :/
What a day :(
Quote from: Rachel_Christina on June 26, 2017, 11:49:14 AM
I been told I have to leave my apparament in mid August.
This was a work building and I paid literally nothing on Rent, in Switzerland. Apartments wher I am usually cost around 1500, so I don't think I will be able to find another, and will probably have to leave, return to poor Ireland :/
I can't believe it will end like this.
And I will have to find new work, and I will have to do it as a girl, but I'm still not so confident with my terrible voice.
I can't start new work and have them to come out again to everyone :/
What a day :(
I feel your pain girl!
Not exactly the same but I WILL have to leave my job and try to find a new one as a girl.
So just so you kmow, you arent alone :)
Thanks Laura, and sorry to hear that.
I too will have to look as a girl. Thinking of returning to study though as it now that I am right in myself, I would really give it a good go this time.
Thanks again girl, stuck in this boat with me :')
Right after my laryngitis healed up, I got either the flu or another virus of some sort. I feel horrible and I can't eat or leave my bed, even going to the bathroom is too much for me. Here's to hoping it's just a bug that'll go away within the next day or so.
this may just be a small thing, but being reminded i'm not allowed to keep a window cracked in my room. i live with my grandma and she has the AC on all the time. not only is AC really aggravating to my sinus problems, but my room has the worst air circulation in the house. if i don't have an open window to let in fresh air, it STINKS. no amount of cleaning helps, and fans just contribute to the dry air problem. so i crack my bedroom window just enough to air it out, and of course she notices and gives me a fuss about it. doesn't help that i work maintenance, so i'm constantly being covered in garbage. i'd like to just have one place in my life that doesn't smell like rotten armpits...
Melancholy rather than unhappy. Tonight I'm strongly feeling the loss of what HRT has cost me. I still live with Randi. She treats me well, like a cherished girl friend, but the love that was in her smile is gone.
I know it would have been anyway. I really don't think I would have lived this long had I not transitioned. I'm almost sorry so little has actually changed. The wound in my heart has had no chance to heal. I don't think the wound in hers has either.
I had woken up a bit earlier than usual but didn't feel well so went to lay back down awhile
Had just fallen asleep and was beginning to dream about something when I was awoken by a knock at the door, just rolled over started to go back to sleep but was awoken again
Thought there might be something amiss or someone may need help so I went to answer the door
Turned out to be a couple of women from one of the local congregations and one of them was wearing perfume that could choke a horse
Not only could I not get back to sleep but now I also have the sinus headache from the bad place that just doesn't seem to want to go away :P
Calling Social Security as they've locked me out of my account... After waiting for a ridiculous amount of time, a woman answered, but because of a tic I couldn't answer within the one second she gave me to answer, and next thing I knew she said "Thank you for calling" and had hung up on me. What the hell? >:(
Quote from: maksim on July 03, 2017, 07:48:11 AM
Calling Social Security as they've locked me out of my account... After waiting for a ridiculous amount of time, a woman answered, but because of a tic I couldn't answer within the one second she gave me to answer, and next thing I knew she said "Thank you for calling" and had hung up on me. What the hell? >:(
How infuriating... :(
Quote from: maksim on July 03, 2017, 07:48:11 AM
Calling Social Security as they've locked me out of my account... After waiting for a ridiculous amount of time, a woman answered, but because of a tic I couldn't answer within the one second she gave me to answer, and next thing I knew she said "Thank you for calling" and had hung up on me. What the hell? >:(
Sounds like she was having a bad day >:(
Quote from: Elis on July 03, 2017, 07:56:05 AM
Sounds like she was having a bad day >:(
Quote from: ElizabethK on July 03, 2017, 07:50:37 AM
How infuriating... :(
Worry not my friends, I was able to get another call in and everything was set by a very friendly and understanding man. Thank god!
Quote from: maksim on July 03, 2017, 08:23:54 AM
Worry not my friends, I was able to get another call in and everything was set by a very friendly and understanding man. Thank god!
Ah good! :)
A bit late but, my Ex wife died on the 27th last month. we hadnt even been divorced 3 months. It was a blood clot that shut down her heart. We had been married for 16 years.
Quote from: Rainbow Dash on July 06, 2017, 12:25:59 AM
A bit late but, my Ex wife died on the 27th last month. we hadnt even been divorced 3 months. It was a blood clot that shut down her heart. We had been married for 16 years.
I am so sorry for your loss, Hope you are doing OK
Dash, I'm so sorry!
Going back to cigs [emoji37][emoji37]
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Quote from: ghostbees on July 06, 2017, 11:04:02 AM
Going back to cigs [emoji37][emoji37]
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At least you stopped for a bit; that's more than most people are able to manage; next time you'll be able to hold out for a bit longer :)
Quote from: Elis on July 06, 2017, 11:17:21 AM
At least you stopped for a bit; that's more than most people are able to manage; next time you'll be able to hold out for a bit longer :)
Thank you!!
I was noticing the benefits too
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I have to get a buy-in from twelve frikken agencies in order to take a week off. If I take it without their agreement I'm breaking a state law.
Lost my glasses and I'm dreading how much it will cost to replace them :-\
Quote from: Rainbow Dash on July 06, 2017, 12:25:59 AM
A bit late but, my Ex wife died on the 27th last month. we hadnt even been divorced 3 months. It was a blood clot that shut down her heart. We had been married for 16 years.
Big hug. Sorry to hear that, hon.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Rainbow Dash on July 06, 2017, 12:25:59 AM
A bit late but, my Ex wife died on the 27th last month. we hadnt even been divorced 3 months. It was a blood clot that shut down her heart. We had been married for 16 years.
I've lost friends and relatives including a significant other over the years
I feel your pain
Hugs
Reading the news from the U.S.. Texas, Washington DC, it's all bad for my sisters and brothers down there.
In 1933, the reign of terror in Europe began with burning the library of the leading doctor of transgender patients. They came for us first. I hope that history does not repeat itself too closely. Remember what it took to stop him last time.
I'm hoping this thread is for FtM as well.
My Mom knows that I have legally changed my name to one that she's unfamiliar with. She doesn't know why yet. But to hear her call me by my deadname when she called me this afternoon made me wince.
I never hated my deadname, its actually a very pretty name. It just was never me. It belonged to someone else.
So to be called by it hurt. It was like Mom was talking about someone else.
I suppose its time I told her why I changed my name. Its just that I wanted to tell her face to face, when she could actually SEE my (13 year old boy's) beard and mustache as well as hear my now much deeper voice. I wish she was more tech-savvy, I'd just videochat with her instead of having to wait until I can see her face to face.
Anyways, thanks for letting me unload. It still hurts, but not quite as much.
Ryuichi
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Nearly 4 months on T and no sign of my voice dropping any time soon. It's weaker, but it's been weaker since two weeks on T and still nothing has happened. My face is changing, and I'm even getting a bit more peach fuzz but my voice has yet to do anything.
I've had so many false alarms that just turned out to be sore throat from sickness or overuse. I got so excited every time but I'm still waiting.
You could be fighting your voice drop as that sometimes happens. When you speak, relax the muscles between your larynx and your jaw. If they are the least bit tensed, they will put you in the head voice, something a FTM is best avoiding.
Someone, with the best of intentions, posted a picture of the card section at their local Target. It was a close up of a section: "Wife to Wife Anniversary". I started sobbing. Tears are still in my eyes. I will never get that card and Randi will never accept one from me. By decree our anniversary is never to be noted or celebrated.
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
Slow rolling panic attacks. I hate days like today.
:(
Quote from: Sno on August 14, 2017, 05:15:07 AM
Slow rolling panic attacks. I hate days like today.
:(
That doesn't sound very nice, hope you are feeling a bit better now ;)
Had a really nice Tinder match but the second I disclosed my Trans* status the Match was gone.
What made me unhappy today is the same thing that does every day, morning wood. I hate it. Nothing ruins my day like waking up and rolling over only to realize there's a "kickstand" painfully stopping me.
Quote from: Dena on August 12, 2017, 12:22:06 AM
You could be fighting your voice drop as that sometimes happens. When you speak, relax the muscles between your larynx and your jaw. If they are the least bit tensed, they will put you in the head voice, something a FTM is best avoiding.
Thanks for the advice Dena, it's a bit difficult to follow though since I have Tourette's and my neck and jaw are constantly tense due to tics. However, my T dose has been upped recently and my voice is getting weaker without any other signs of sickness, so that's good!
Everything
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Quote from: Gertrude on August 28, 2017, 04:58:27 PM
Everything
I know the feeling Trudy. But you need to look forward to better days. It's hard to do I know, but have faith that those better days are out there ahead of us.
"The sun will come out tomorrow. Tomorrow! And tomorrow is only a day away!"
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on August 28, 2017, 05:51:12 PM
I know the feeling Trudy. But you need to look forward to better days. It's hard to do I know, but have faith that those better days are out there ahead of us.
"The sun will come out tomorrow. Tomorrow! And tomorrow is only a day away!"
Hugs,
Laurie
It's been one of those days. To top the day off, I made some very pointed remarks on a Slack channel that we're meant for another. I can't wait for the fallout on that.
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Quote from: Gertrude on August 28, 2017, 07:23:10 PM
It's been one of those days. To top the day off, I made some very pointed remarks on a Slack channel that we're meant for another. I can't wait for the fallout on that.
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oooopsie ((Hugs))
Laurie
Same thing as yesterday. But I'm going to survive it.
Laurie
Head cold plus analgesics plus numbing cream (EMLA) plus four hours of electrolysis... Not Recommended...
Recovering from Side Effect City. Hey, I can sort of type again!
Opened a window to let some fresh air in only to have the smoke from the local wildfires come wafting in :P Now I have the sinus headache from the "Bad Place"
My online school program keeps deleting my notes. It sucks!
Let's just leave it at anxiety-pocalypse-meltdown-panic-attack. Now on medication and waiting lists for this and that, oh and my partner now knows about my self harm. The only possible upside is cbt is in the pipeline... that's going to be fun. (Sarcasm off).
Rowan.
I started to include my work environment in the last couple of weeks into my transition.
It looks like today I had the first hiccup. A partner tries to take away a project...
The Southern Comfort Transgender Conference that I've been planning for and looking forward to for weeks has been canceled. [emoji25]
Oh, and on Sunday night a hurricane is going to go right over my house. [emoji939][emoji100][emoji946]
Steph
Not only am I unhappy but I'm a bit angry and feel violated as well
Came home from my therapist appointment friday, looked about and thought my apartment looked a bit off :-\
I was rather tired and had promised to go over and jam on guitars with one of my neighbors so I didn't think much of it
So I get up on Saturday to start my usual routine of making coffee and getting my vitamins and med.s together only to find that my script of E tabs have gone missing from the cupboard, my spiro. is misplaced but it is still there but the E is gone >:(
I already know that some of my neighbors are kinda weird but who the hecks busts in just to nick a bottle of estradiol and how did they know exactly where to go?
Ugh, I love my little apt. but I hate the place where I live :P
Quote from: V M on September 10, 2017, 12:48:04 AM
Not only am I unhappy but I'm a bit angry and feel violated as well
Came home from my therapist appointment friday, looked about and thought my apartment looked a bit off :-\
I was rather tired and had promised to go over and jam on guitars with one of my neighbors so I didn't think much of it
So I get up on Saturday to start my usual routine of making coffee and getting my vitamins and med.s together only to find that my script of E tabs have gone missing from the cupboard, my spiro. is misplaced but it is still there but the E is gone >:(
I already know that some of my neighbors are kinda weird but who the hecks busts in just to nick a bottle of estradiol and how did they know exactly where to go?
Ugh, I love my little apt. but I hate the place where I live :P
I'd be mad too. Perhaps they can't read and think they are viagra. lol Now that would serve them right.
Time for sticks in the windows and sliding glass doors so they can't be opened from outside. If the locks can be opened with a card, time for a new lock or a bolt lock. Otherwise, ask the manager to rekey the lock(s).
Yes, I already have sticks in the windows and have had the deadbolt on the front door changed once, I don't have a sliding glass or back door
I'm hoping the mgr. will be willing to have the deadbolt replaced again but I'm thinking it may be better for me to buy my own deadbolt because getting repairs made here is like pulling teeth
Everything has gone downhill since the new management co. took the place over
Good news ;D The person who took my E tabs has returned them
I didn't particularly like being woken up by someone banging on my door, but I was glad to see my E tabs in a paper sack with some kind of cartoon character on it
Weird, oh well maybe they figured out that they weren't what they wanted
Going back to bed
Quote from: V M on September 10, 2017, 07:50:57 AM
Good news ;D The person who took my E tabs has returned them
I didn't particularly like being woken up by someone banging on my door, but I was glad to see my E tabs in a paper sack with some kind of cartoon character on it
Weird, oh well maybe they figured out that they weren't what they wanted
Going back to bed
Check and make sure they weren't tampered with. There are some really weird people out there.
Maybe they thought it was a pill that gets you high?????? I here one of them is blue.
We spent yesterday afternoon with an old college "friend". We were part of the same clique and grated on each other a bit. We've both mellowed more than a bit. I'm sad to find that we both have PTSD from being in Manhattan on 9/11 and we talked of that a bit. It was also obvious to me and confirmed by his wife, that he has a traumatic brain injury. It's not as serious as my clients' but clouds his thinking. He misgendered me several times. It's understandable, but has shaken my confidence a bit, especially as I'm running out of makeup.
Also I'm beginning to think that I need to leave the work I love because the business model jus doesn't work in this area.
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
Quote from: Artesia on September 10, 2017, 08:10:47 AM
Check and make sure they weren't tampered with. There are some really weird people out there.
Maybe they thought it was a pill that gets you high?????? I here one of them is blue.
Good advise, and yes I did look them over and they look O.K.
Hugs
Thinking about my mother who passed away in October....my one and only blood relative who was accepting/tolerating of me being trans. :(
Quote from: King Malachite on September 11, 2017, 02:48:03 AM
Thinking about my mother who passed away in October....my one and only blood relative who was accepting/tolerating of me being trans. :(
Hugs my brother.
I'm around for a few hours if you want to PM me.
Cindy
A summary of my last 4 weeks before telling you what made me unhappy: After 4 months of coming out to everyone and starting HRT, my ex broke up with me which made me depressed and made me stop everything.
So we started talking again and I was contemplating the possibility of not transitioning and just experimenting with my look for now, like still letting my hair grow, trying to look a bit more androgynous. I am feeling I could be somewhere in the spectrum where I don't need to transition (if this is actually true or just a defense mechanism due to what happened, I still don't know). Anyways I was talking to him today and he said that he doesn't like long hair either. My heart sunk cuz it made me feel like there's nothing I can do, besides looking strictly masculine, that will make this work. I feel like I have to choose between doing something about my dysphoria and having a relationship.
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The worst thing you can do is force yourself to be different to please someone else, or so I believe.
Today is September 11. I was working in Manhattan that day. Enough said.
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
Quote from: Dee Marshall on September 11, 2017, 07:33:22 AM
The worst thing you can do is force yourself to be different to please someone else, or so I believe.
You know what the saddest part is? I know that and I keep repeating myself that. But I'm feeling so sad and lost that I can't help it. Don't really have the strength at the moment to tell my fears to screw off and don't want to feel alone.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on September 11, 2017, 07:33:22 AM
Today is September 11. I was working in Manhattan that day.
Sorry about that[emoji20]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Sister is having complications with her pregnancy. She is having twins, first time mother. She is in her mid to late 30's. Her twins are not growing correctly, one is much smaller than the other, and apparently the blood is not pumping to the smaller of the two the way it should. She has been hospitalized to maintain checks on the boys. She is due in December, so a bit worried.
That is indeed something to worry about Clair. I hope they all are okay when the time comes. Also keep in mind hospitals can work wonders in the NICUs these days. You would be surprised what they are able to do with at risk babies now.
Hugs,
Laurie
My face itches. :( day one in prep for electrolysis on the 18th, 20th, and 26th. That's right 3 one hour sessions in 8 days. I hope my last estradiol increase does not make it hurt more like the last increase did. I am not looking forward to it. I also have other appointments elsewhere, first voice on the 27th and another therapy session on the 28th too.
With so many appointments it is almost a uggh plan.
Hugs,
Laurie
I bumped my freshly budded boob on a door jamb. I yelped, then laughed. I had been warned.
Yow, Jessica 🙆
Quote from: Jessica on September 16, 2017, 12:55:28 AM
I bumped my freshly budded boob on a door jamb. I yelped, then laughed. I had been warned.
Yow, Jessica [emoji134]
Yup, with ya there, Jessica. I got down on the floor to pull Rosie the Roomba out from under a table yesterday (she's not as smart as the Jetson's Rosie), and rolled over onto my chest. Yow, indeed! Shoulda known better. 🤦🏼♀️
Though, if cross-posting were allowed, this could also be put under the "What made you happy today" topic.
Stephanie
Quote from: Jessica on September 16, 2017, 12:55:28 AM
I bumped my freshly budded boob on a door jamb. I yelped, then laughed. I had been warned.
Yow, Jessica [emoji134]
Yup, with ya there, Jessica. I got down on the floor to pull Rosie the Roomba out from under a table yesterday (she's not as smart as the Jetson's Rosie), and rolled over onto my chest. Yow, indeed! Shoulda known better. 🤦🏼♀️
Though, if cross-posting were allowed, this could also be put under the "What made you happy today" topic.
Stephanie
Quote from: Jessica on September 16, 2017, 12:55:28 AM
I bumped my freshly budded boob on a door jamb. I yelped, then laughed. I had been warned.
Yow, Jessica 🙆
Ah yes, nearly gave a deliver man a coronary when I swung the door open a few years ago :o What can I say? I was exited about the package arriving
Must make way for new clearances :icon_chick:
Since Friday I had a total of 14 hours of electrolysis. Especially today it did hurt a lot. Not looking forward for the next session planned in two weeks.
I'm asking myself why is there no other option, so many people want to get rid of hair all over their body and still no quicker option...
Quote from: Thessa on September 17, 2017, 09:43:40 AM
Since Friday I had a total of 14 hours of electrolysis. Especially today it did hurt a lot. Not looking forward for the next session planned in two weeks.
I'm asking myself why is there no other option, so many people want to get rid of hair all over their body and still no quicker option...
Nanomachines, tailored viruses? Any possibility I can think of requires tech we don't quite have yet. It would be really great if HRT could reprogram facial hair the way it does body hair, but no dice. I find this sadly humorous since one of my Endo team seems to think that it does. Well, it does but not as much as she expects.
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
I had too much to drink last Saturday and got into a big fight with my ex. I said horrible things and ended up crying: Needless to say I was super depressed on Sunday and still am today. I just hate to lose control like that, and alcohol makes things worse.
Got word on my sister and her twins. She has preeclampsia. She has now been confined to the hospital until they are born.
Luckily her job, and the hospital, will allow her to work from her room. Lucky for her, her work is all digital.
But now, I won't get to see her before the boys are born. :icon_cry2:
Quote from: Dee Marshall on September 17, 2017, 11:06:22 AM
Nanomachines, tailored viruses? Any possibility I can think of requires tech we don't quite have yet. It would be really great if HRT could reprogram facial hair the way it does body hair, but no dice. I find this sadly humorous since one of my Endo team seems to think that it does. Well, it does but not as much as she expects
Yes, something like this, gene therapy.
I would be an improvement to kill at least all the hairs that are zapped 100% not only the hairs in the right grow cycle.
Something quicker, inject, next hair, inject, next hair and so on... *just dreaming*
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on September 18, 2017, 02:39:00 PM
I had too much to drink last Saturday and got into a big fight with my ex. I said horrible things and ended up crying: Needless to say I was super depressed on Sunday and still am today. I just hate to lose control like that, and alcohol makes things worse.
I don't speak to my EX at all because I know it would go that way without a drop of alcohol. Since I lost any respect for her I just try to be as low contact as possible and only in written form.
This happened over the weekend, and I've told a couple people already. I was at my electroligist having a good session, lots of banter. My electroligist made the comment of "there's nothing sexier than a girl with a brain" directing this to me. I totally took it the wrong way and had to fight back tears. It was like the comment "she's got a great personality" meaning not pretty, but has something to make up for it. I still feel sad over it, even though I know she didn't mean it that way. In my mind I immediately went to, I'll never be pretty and I'll never find anyone to accept me. I had to ask her to stop and we talked about something else during the session.
My dad's always giving me a hard time about having all these girly interests if I'm going to transition, but I really couldn't care less. My interests are my interests. My favorite color is pink, I love stuffed animals and squishies and porcelain dolls, and I wear animal slippers around the house; it doesn't change my gender identity.
Quote from: maksim on September 21, 2017, 12:30:23 PM
My dad's always giving me a hard time about having all these girly interests if I'm going to transition, but I really couldn't care less. My interests are my interests. My favorite color is pink, I love stuffed animals and squishies and porcelain dolls, and I wear animal slippers around the house; it doesn't change my gender identity.
Great to hear you're now more confident within your gender identity; having read your earlier posts.
I'm a very fem trans man as well who has an ftm friend who is also very fem and cos plays as female manga characters. He's very good at it.
Feminine male solidarity ;D
Quote from: Elis on September 21, 2017, 01:22:06 PM
Great to hear you're now more confident within your gender identity; having read your earlier posts.
I'm a very fem trans man as well who has an ftm friend who is also very fem and cos plays as female manga characters. He's very good at it.
Feminine male solidarity ;D
If I could like this reply I would! But I can't, so I'll just say thanks for it :)
It is a beautiful day today. I'm supposed to go out to some street party, maybe hear music, stuff I like to do. All I feel is incredibly, horribly, grumpy, ready to chew people's heads off. Haven't felt that in a long time. Maybe it will help that I say it. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh!
Quote from: HappyMoni on September 23, 2017, 02:46:04 PM
It is a beautiful day today. I'm supposed to go out to some street party, maybe hear music, stuff I like to do. All I feel is incredibly, horribly, grumpy, ready to chew people's heads off. Haven't felt that in a long time. Maybe it will help that I say it. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh!
You can be grumpy and chew on me if it will help.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Elis on September 21, 2017, 01:22:06 PM
Great to hear you're now more confident within your gender identity; having read your earlier posts.
I'm a very fem trans man as well who has an ftm friend who is also very fem and cos plays as female manga characters. He's very good at it.
Feminine male solidarity ;D
Haha wow!! I have to say that is kinda awesome. Are you guys attracted to men?
Sunday was really tough for me. I woke up feeling lonely and sad. Nothing really happened, I just felt that way. Today I feel way better and stable, I just need to keep myself busy.
I'm afraid I have moved from contemplation into the planning stage :-\ Sorry
Quote from: V M on September 25, 2017, 02:19:47 AM
I'm afraid I have moved from contemplation into the planning stage :-\ Sorry
I'm on skype Sis. I may have my own problems but I am your sister and I am here for you.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on September 24, 2017, 11:13:51 PM
Haha wow!! I have to say that is kinda awesome. Are you guys attracted to men?
I can't answer for Elis, but personally I'm bisexual with a preference for men, but I have a wonderful girlfriend who I love with all my heart. :)
The depression is seriously starting to hit me now. Gotta love bipolar.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on September 24, 2017, 11:13:51 PM
Haha wow!! I have to say that is kinda awesome. Are you guys attracted to men?
Thanks :). I'm definitely demisexual but unsure which gender I'm more romantically attracted too. My friend is asexual too but happens to be gay.
I see, that's nice!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
PMS. Massive PMS.
My admiration for ciswomen and their self-control has risen immeasurably. How a woman can go through this so many times, and not leave a trail of male bodies in her wake is truely a measure of immense discipline and endurance.
OW, OW, OW, OW, OW!! I learned today that female skin is a lot more easily damaged than male skin, and it hurts a lot more.
I was getting ready to dump a garden cart loaded with rocks over the edge of the driveway. Unfortunately, it got too close to the edge and rolled away on me. (Silly me, I should have chocked the wheels!) The smart but expensive thing to do would have been to let go and let the cart get smashed to smithereens. Instead, I tried to control it, and got my shins banged for my trouble. Nothing broken, just some abrasions and contusions, but damn, that hurt!
I still have scars from the last time I banged my shins. Now I have a matched set.
Yesterday my bathroom, toilet and service room was demolished due to water leakage some times ago and they had to remove all the wet material before starting the drying process, which will take a few weeks.
But what makes me really sad and unhappy is that I tried for the past three day to explain that it's not a (lifestyle) choice to transition to a (moderate?) religious person and she was not able a accept that it's a medical condition that is treated like any other medical condition.
She said that I construct everything in my favor and I had to reply that she is (also) cherry picking what fits in her world view. She is always celebrating love and acceptance but when I asked her in case her beloved husband would have an accident or would be struck by illness that would change his outer shell if she would leave him instantly without trying. That's not the same it wouldn't be a choice he wouldn't make, it would happen to him...
She said I compare apples and pears.
Do I?
Thessa,
Accepting your argument probably would mean she would have to adjust her world view. Too mind blowing or threatening for some. You had a mind and body that didn't match. It is amazing that someone else thinks they can tell you which to adjust. She says your mind. You know that was impossible. Her argument is as leaky as your bathroom was.
Moni
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 27, 2017, 10:08:22 AM
PMS. Massive PMS.
My admiration for ciswomen and their self-control has risen immeasurably. How a woman can go through this so many times, and not leave a trail of male bodies in her wake is truely a measure of immense discipline and endurance.
And you say I can come visit? I'm not sure that would be safe.
Quote from: Laurie on October 06, 2017, 04:29:38 AM
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 27, 2017, 10:08:22 AM
PMS. Massive PMS.
My admiration for ciswomen and their self-control has risen immeasurably. How a woman can go through this so many times, and not leave a trail of male bodies in her wake is truely a measure of immense discipline and endurance.
And you say I can come visit? I'm not sure that would be safe.
It's under control now. Mostly. I think. The honey badgers have reassured me that everything is just fine now, and I don't need to bother feeding them for a while. I'm not sure I understand that last bit.
Quote from: Thessa on October 05, 2017, 09:05:53 AM
Yesterday my bathroom, toilet and service room was demolished due to water leakage some times ago and they had to remove all the wet material before starting the drying process, which will take a few weeks.
But what makes me really sad and unhappy is that I tried for the past three day to explain that it's not a (lifestyle) choice to transition to a (moderate?) religious person and she was not able a accept that it's a medical condition that is treated like any other medical condition.
She said that I construct everything in my favor and I had to reply that she is (also) cherry picking what fits in her world view. She is always celebrating love and acceptance but when I asked her in case her beloved husband would have an accident or would be struck by illness that would change his outer shell if she would leave him instantly without trying. That's not the same it wouldn't be a choice he wouldn't make, it would happen to him...
She said I compare apples and pears.
Do I?
Most religious people are stuck in their ways, trying to convince them (or anyone really) of anything different is impossible. I'd say don't waste your time explaining yourself to her and let her think whatever she wants. You are happy and that's all that matters :)
I binge watched Hand Maids Tale all day today. The show is truly very good. But so much of it is possible it is like reading a forecast of the future. A future my 3 1/2 month old grand daughter will inherit unless we stand up now. It is not a future anyone I know would want to live.
Quote from: Thessa on October 05, 2017, 09:05:53 AM
Yesterday my bathroom, toilet and service room was demolished due to water leakage some times ago and they had to remove all the wet material before starting the drying process, which will take a few weeks.
But what makes me really sad and unhappy is that I tried for the past three day to explain that it's not a (lifestyle) choice to transition to a (moderate?) religious person and she was not able a accept that it's a medical condition that is treated like any other medical condition.
She said that I construct everything in my favor and I had to reply that she is (also) cherry picking what fits in her world view. She is always celebrating love and acceptance but when I asked her in case her beloved husband would have an accident or would be struck by illness that would change his outer shell if she would leave him instantly without trying. That's not the same it wouldn't be a choice he wouldn't make, it would happen to him...
She said I compare apples and pears.
Do I?
When piety is on the line religious zealots will dig in their heels. Funny how a fairy tale is taken on faith, but science is ignored or construed as trying to construct every thing in our favor. I'll take science over unproven fairy tales any day. Too bad Evangelicals feel they have to interpret everything for us. Anyone with a couple of brain cells can actually do it for ourselves. I used to think I knew this country. I thought love, compassion, empathy were hallmarks of our society. Then I saw Trump throwing paper towels. Invite her to a support group meeting. You can't know what you don't know.but they like to think they do.
Quote from: DawnOday on October 08, 2017, 10:26:26 PM
I binge watched Hand Maids Tale all day today. The show is truly very good. But so much of it is possible it is like reading a forecast of the future. A future my 3 1/2 month old grand daughter will inherit unless we stand up now. It is not a future anyone I know would want to live.
Watched it myself it was amazing. Hard to believe it was written a decade or so ago; it's like the author predicted the future.
I forgot my makeup bag at the facility I was working at tonight. It has all my makeup, except my lipstick and a couple different nail polishes. :'( :'( :'( :'( I think that is where I left my MP3 player as well. :'(
To make matters worse, it's a two and a half hour drive to get it from home. >:( I'm going to not have makeup until Friday! >:( :'(
When I got up to get a drink of water around 2 am like I often do during the night, my right foot began dribbling blood up near my ankle :o
So as if that wasn't freaky enough, while I was tending to that one my left foot began spraying blood in spurts like a paint can
:o
I decided to call the medics but managed to stop the bleeding before they arrived :-\ So there's the two medics and a police man and they looked just as confused as I felt trying to explain it but they could see the blood all over my kitchen floor
They offered to take me to hospital but since the bleeding had stopped I just want to go back to bed
So while I talked to the police man and the one medic that I somewhat fancy a bit the other medic helped with cleaning up the blood off the floor
Then since I didn't want to go to the hospital they all took off and I went back to bed (In hopes that the bleeding wouldn't start up again) :P
Sounds like the time I nicked a vein on the shower door. Hope you're OK
I'll be okay, been putting moisturizing lotion
Definitely don't want to become a hemophiliac or an amputy
Today I realized how empty my life really is. I have nothing really but my job and what's left of my marriage. We cling to each other for comfort of a sort, but I'm no longer what she needs and she's not comfortable being what I need. No close friends, very little time for them anyway.
I have no one to blame for this but myself.
That's about all the truth I can tolerate for a while.
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
Darn PTSD effecting my sleeping and eating habits again :P
When I'm feeling bad, why do I have to physically reflect that on myself?
*Wishing there was a gated support area for us that self harm*
Rowan
Let's see. Got pulled over on the way to a client cause the cop was bored at a light and evidently someone thought it would be a laugh to pull a ticket off my windshield six months ago.
Weather was inducing seizures in my client for the five hours I was with her.
Another client pulled two knives on his overnight staff at 1:00 in the morning because he was out of cigarettes. The police brought him to the hospital for evaluation but he's already been released. I see him Monday.
Another client is still out of town. He was supposed to be back yesterday. No word if he'll never back for our session on Thursday. With the one on Friday who scheduled off to meet with his lawyers and the one who cancelled yesterday I'm missing half my hours this week. I don't get paid for the missing hours.
Someone is trying to throw me under the bus because a mutual client's electricity almost got cut off. The amount she owed is so much it could only be if the county wasn't paying their share.
And, I have a splitting headache, probably from all the above.
On the plus side, my posts on this thread are almost never about trans stuff anymore and the cop called me ma'am.
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
I had to stop estradiol a month before my surgery. A month of PMS, and the hormonal bits of dysphoria! Auugh! Now I'm back on, at half strength, apparently the traditional treatment for post-ops from what I can tell. But...
I shrunk from a 34Barely to 34Almost, darn near 34AA, AKA ironing board.
Auuugh! Bra shopping in the pre-teens aisle? Auuuugh!
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A litter bin overflowing aith spew, another one containing >-bleeped-<ty condoms, a pissed on matress.
After my makeover yesterday. My dysphoria has basically disappeared, which has been making me question whether I'm just a crossdresser or if I'm really trans. Although I felt like myself for the first time ever, while I was dressed, and I've still been getting moments where my urge to be a woman is strong.
I expect my dysphoria to return at some point, honestly, at this point, I'd be disappointed if I wasn't trans, does that even make any sense?
Seem to have come down with some sort of cold or something :P
Twisted my ankle :-\ I'm hoping it's not too bad but I can feel that weird tingly pain and swelling
My dysphoria has returned, and is near crippling. Work makes it bad, because I'm my department, it's all males, so we're all 'lads'. I get on them really well, but being around them makes me hate myself even more.
When my dysphoria gets this bad, I feel like I'm going to burst unless I tell everyone I'm transgender, even though I know I'm not ready for that yet. I actually wish I could cry, but I feel that numb
Therapist appointment, depressed the stuff out of me
My living situation and the cost
Cystitis
I returned home after a trip abroad for a month and a half and had a laser session on my beard. It was really painful and my skin on my face looks a bit battered. Anyways I couldn't leave the house and felt lonely and started thinking about my ex.
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I lost a friend yesterday. Not because of being trans, but because I am just terrible at friendship. I hurt someone deeply. This morning when I looked in the mirror all I can see is that same >-bleeped-< I've seen for 36 years staring back at me.
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Quote from: amberwaves on November 04, 2017, 08:51:09 AM
I lost a friend yesterday. Not because of being trans, but because I am just terrible at friendship. I hurt someone deeply. This morning when I looked in the mirror all I can see is that same >-bleeped-< I've seen for 36 years staring back at me.
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Mistakes get made, it's a reality of life, maybe your friendship can recover?
But either way, the fact you care about the loss says you're not that person you think is in the mirror. X
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My football team, Aston Villa lost today :( (I'm a massive english football fan)
Quote from: Megan. on November 04, 2017, 11:33:54 AM
Mistakes get made, it's a reality of life, maybe your friendship can recover?
But either way, the fact you care about the loss says you're not that person you think is in the mirror. X
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Thank you for the kindness. I find it extremely unlikely.
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Peroneal brevis tendinitis
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I was planning to go out and tried to do my makeup but failed miserably. So now I'm under the covers and staying in. I'm okay with it but the reminder earlier was tough
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Quote from: dist123 on November 04, 2017, 06:39:47 PM
I was planning to go out and tried to do my makeup but failed miserably. So now I'm under the covers and staying in. I'm okay with it but the reminder earlier was tough
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At least you tried, don't get too disheartened, you'll get it eventually :). If it makes you feel better, I'm terribly at make-up too ::)
I tend to be on the periphery of life.
A better explanation for that would be I'm standoffish :)
I've always been the type to go off, and do my own thing. Perhaps I need to work harder to find friends, but its not easy living in the mountains. Sometimes I crave human interaction. Call me weird, but time to time I'll go to public places. The mall, if I'm in the city, or any nearby park. I'm an observer of people -not in a creepy way. I don't know, somehow I feel connected in a way hard to describe.
What made me sad today.
I was at my favorite park. It's in Post Falls, here in Idaho. I love that place, I soak up as much time as I can there, even if its snowing. My usual ritual is to bring some coffee, sit under the willow tree, and just zone into my surroundings. I didn't expect anyone to be there with me. I made my way to my favorite spot, and I saw a figure across from me sitting at the bench next to the little duck pond. An older gentleman, just sitting like I often do.
Privacy is something I respect, but I could tell the man was wiping away tears. I couldn't help but glance, and wonder. I wanted to give him a hug, as odd/awkward as that might have been. I turned my attention away for a few minutes. Going over internally my own feelings. Halfway through my coffee, I looked back where the old man had been sitting, but had gone.
The park was so quiet, or it seemed that way. I felt very alone. I was sad that I could have at least given him a smile, and missed that opportunity. I think he need that snowy park bench, and I left it at that. Still, it made me sad.
Quote from: NinaW on November 04, 2017, 07:06:25 PM
At least you tried, don't get too disheartened, you'll get it eventually :). If it makes you feel better, I'm terribly at make-up too ::)
Thanks for your kind words! We'll get there but I also just want ffs so I don't have to be so insecure about it
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This was actually yesterday. side comments got to me. I was happily wearing slacks and a nice blouse, the wife liked the look. We went to the store to grab something on the way to my daughters house. Now, likely I shouldn't have but I let slip that I would like to try so simple lip gloss, nothing dramatic. The first words out of her mouth? "Oh, jeez". Sure she quickly changed 'how' she was saying things but the those first unguarded words really hurt. If she had simply said that 'she's' not ready for that I would have been fine.
second one
At my daughters, older granddaughter treated me no different. younger one sat next to me and snuggled in for quite a while when she asked why I was wearing 'it' pointing at my blouse. I kept is simple (she's 5) .. because I liked it. We discussed favorite colors, she agreed she liked the shirt and that was it. This was actually very nice.
third one
(outside my hearing, heard later) son-in-law saw me and went 'oh my god'. My daughter told him to keep his mouth shut and to go outside. Not sure how to take that. Is she OK with it but knew he'd say something stupid (which he does about most things)? Is she just avoiding it by not acknowledging?
in any case, I was really down last night, still am today. I think I'm going to back off a bit on everything to let the world settle down.
Quote from: NamelessOne on November 06, 2017, 06:25:35 AM
This was actually yesterday. side comments got to me. I was happily wearing slacks and a nice blouse, the wife liked the look. We went to the store to grab something on the way to my daughters house. Now, likely I shouldn't have but I let slip that I would like to try so simple lip gloss, nothing dramatic. The first words out of her mouth? "Oh, jeez". Sure she quickly changed 'how' she was saying things but the those first unguarded words really hurt. If she had simply said that 'she's' not ready for that I would have been fine.
Hi Namelessone
I can relate to what you have said. I can remember my wife having issues with some things but in the end with patience she overcame each obstacle. Sometimes it is difficult for our partners when we move to another stage in out journey and want to try something more. You may have said lip gloss but she may have "heard" full makeup and reacted accordingly then realised that you were just talking lip gloss. I know with my partner there have been similar incidences and in my experience talking about these things works out far better than trying to work out what she is thinking on your own.
Quote
second one
At my daughters, older granddaughter treated me no different. younger one sat next to me and snuggled in for quite a while when she asked why I was wearing 'it' pointing at my blouse. I kept is simple (she's 5) .. because I liked it. We discussed favorite colors, she agreed she liked the shirt and that was it. This was actually very nice.
Perfectly handled...because you "liked it" is a really good answer for a five year old. I think you handled it perfectly
Quote
third one
(outside my hearing, heard later) son-in-law saw me and went 'oh my god'. My daughter told him to keep his mouth shut and to go outside. Not sure how to take that. Is she OK with it but knew he'd say something stupid (which he does about most things)? Is she just avoiding it by not acknowledging?
in any case, I was really down last night, still am today. I think I'm going to back off a bit on everything to let the world settle down.
She sounds like she was being protective of you. She did not want you hurt by hearing the decidedly tactless comment made by your son-in-law. As to wether she is Ok with things why don't you sit down, talk to her and ask.
I hope you are feeling better today and if you need to slow things down then do that. You need to be comfortable with where you are and where your family is at.
protective, I hope so. I have a big fear of being tolerated rather than accepted. I think I'd rather be disliked than tolerated.
I've been thinking of things that I'm doing. I've done a lot in a short time. I really need to slow down like I knew I had to from the start ... it's just hard once you get momentum. .... Deep Breaths ....
My wife telling me she doesn't know if she can handle IT.
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My dad still acting uncomfortable about my sexuality. I've made a few hints over the years but he'd rather not know. If I date a girl he'll see that as gay and be uncomfortable by it; if I date a man he'll see that as gay and be uncomfortable by it. There's no winning. I'm never going to have the parent who makes gay puns and light hearted jokes about a current partner of mine and treating them like a part of the family; the kind of thing the media portrays as accepting parents. I'll always have to keep that part of my life a secret. It's like I'm living a life of a queer person from the 80's
Human Resources texting and emailing me saying they want to 'check up' on me when I have a laundry list of complaints I'd like to mention and a pile of work to get done, and yet at the same time I don't wanna be THAT GIRL who screams the sky is falling every few days..
So I do nothing.
When I go home tonight, its to an apartment that really doesnt feel like my own anymore due to infestation of roaches and most recently bed bugs that my landlord and regional rental office AND public health department have no interest in resolving for me..
Quote from: Angela Drakken on November 10, 2017, 12:52:34 PM
Human Resources texting and emailing me saying they want to 'check up' on me when I have a laundry list of complaints I'd like to mention and a pile of work to get done, and yet at the same time I don't wanna be THAT GIRL who screams the sky is falling every few days..
So I do nothing.
When I go home tonight, its to an apartment that really doesnt feel like my own anymore due to infestation of roaches and most recently bed bugs that my landlord and regional rental office AND public health department have no interest in resolving for me..
Roaches AND bedbugs? Wow! Roaches are one of the few things that EAT bedbugs.
(Also ants, spiders, and centipedes.)
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
Tried to update my avatar and managed to lose the old one GRRRRRRRR and cant get a ticker to add , no instructions for computer numpty Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr again
Today my spouse posted one of those "how come a woman on her day off does cleaning, etc. and a man wants to relax". She went on to describe all the cleaning she did on the first day of her three day weekend that, of course, she had no help with.
My thought is that a) I'm NOT a man, b) I'm working today, c) we do do this kind of stuff together on Sunday. If I bring this up it will start an argument so I'm crying on your shoulder rather than discussing this with her.
I think it hurts most that she's implying I'm still a man. She also doesn't see what I do, just what she wants done I couldn't get to.
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
Being me.
Quote from: sarah1972 on November 10, 2017, 04:20:59 PM
Being me.
Oh no, what's up hon? Have a big *hug*. X
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Cold coffee. Yuck. And not knowing which of my story ideas to work on.
I keep having these flashes, as if they're memories, of (what has to be) me slouched over bawling my eyes out. It's like someone inside of me is trapped and it's sad :( I never had this happen in my life..
Quote from: dist123 on November 11, 2017, 06:03:51 AM
I keep having these flashes, as if they're memories, of (what has to be) me slouched over bawling my eyes out. It's like someone inside of me is trapped and it's sad :( I never had this happen in my life..
I'm so sorry for you that you feel that. I know exactly what you're talking about though :(
Wondering if I'll ever intrinsically see myself as the woman everyone else seems to accept me as.
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A friend of mine said he would take me to the store today but then changed his mind and decided to go spend the night at his parents ::) Too bad because I was actually starting to like him
The way I was raised, if you gave your word you kept it
Oh well I guess, luckily another one of my neighbors who understands my physical limitations stepped up and gave me a ride so it all worked out okay
Just feeling a bit off by the friend who let me down
Quote from: amberwaves on November 11, 2017, 07:12:47 PM
Wondering if I'll ever intrinsically see myself as the woman everyone else seems to accept me as.
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I wondered that, too. Eventually, I started to.
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
My homework from my therapy, which is a thought catalog of things that make me anxious, which in itself makes me anxious...
Rowan
Quote from: Sno on November 12, 2017, 04:14:27 AM
My homework from my therapy, which is a thought catalog of things that make me anxious, which in itself makes me anxious...
Rowan
Only after two sessions my Therapist diagnose me as Transgender, because whenever I talk about Transgender or wearing woman clothes I seem at ease and happy. She also said since I been suppress my Transgender for so long make me so miserable all the time.
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Seeing that thing between my legs - Wrong one.
Eating disorder... I just see a fat disgusting man when I look at myself. I haven't eaten since Sunday afternoon...Probably wont be able to eat tomorrow either.
last night ... went for the nightly walk with the wife. I wore comfy tights and shorts (it's getting colder) and shoes. Pink/purplish low-rise socks to go with the shoes. All good, felt great. She was texting her sister and shot her a picture of me from the waist down. Plus side, they both thought it looked great (and sis-in-law didn't know it was me) But, she also took some full body pics.
yuch comes to mind. I looked horribly bad. I deleted what I could before she took the phone away from me. I was depressed the rest of the evening. Sure, I still have 100% man shape, no question, so expectations should be low. Doesn't matter, I hated it. Just typing this makes it all come back .. :(
My older daughters not getting along
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I phoned a transgender helpline this evening, to get some direction, to know what to do next (I'm 90% sure I'm trans, but want to be 100% sure before coming out/living female). I was first told that people who are transgender begin to think they are from a younger age, then when I explained my situation fully, I sound transgender and that I should come out to my mom and tell my workplace (both of which I'm not even going to consider until I am 100% sure).
So I'm even more confused now, and a little insulted, I've never had my 'transness' questioned... I really need some therapy
Which helpline was this? it sounds like some very oversimplified or ill-informed advice to hand out after a single phone call.
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For me it was about building confidence, though you can never be 100% sure.
One thing you could try is a weekend away. I did this to have a longer period presenting as Megan. I had a weekend city break in Manchester (where I know no one). I then went on a three night residential Mindfulness retreat with 12 other women to really feel that dynamic.
Both of these help me decide that full-time was going to be right for me.
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I'm one of 3 survivors from my old crew of 7. 2 to cancer, 1 O/D, 1 killed in a deal gone bad
Quote from: Megan. on November 15, 2017, 05:18:38 PM
For me it was about building confidence, though you can never be 100% sure.
One thing you could try is a weekend away. I did this to have a longer period presenting as Megan. I had a weekend city break in Manchester (where I know no one). I then went on a three night residential Mindfulness retreat with 12 other women to really feel that dynamic.
Both of these help me decide that full-time was going to be right for me.
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I was sure about my transgender until I talk to my Therapist and sure enough I am a transgender. She said when ever I talk about Transgender or wearing woman clothes I look happy to talk about it. So since this is who I am I should do something so I can be happy, otherwise I will miserable for the rest of my life. That why I made the decision to transition without any regret at all.
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Quote from: Megan. on November 15, 2017, 05:13:58 PM
Which helpline was this? it sounds like some very oversimplified or ill-informed advice to hand out after a single phone call.
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It was called Transfigurations, Devon based. You look absolutely stunning by the way Megan :)
Quote from: Megan. on November 15, 2017, 05:18:38 PM
For me it was about building confidence, though you can never be 100% sure.
One thing you could try is a weekend away. I did this to have a longer period presenting as Megan. I had a weekend city break in Manchester (where I know no one). I then went on a three night residential Mindfulness retreat with 12 other women to really feel that dynamic.
Both of these help me decide that full-time was going to be right for me.
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You might be onto something there Megan, a weekend away being completely en femme really excites me, I think I'd survive, as long as I didn't have to speak, ha
Usually around this time of the year I spent hours outside to decorate my house for christmas. Yeah, I am one of those. With music and over 50,000 blinking lights.
This year I just cannot find the time.
So I told my audience we will take a break this year, It was so difficult to do since I know how much they all love the show, we literally have several 1000 people come by every year.
Was a really sad moment when I hit the "post" button.
All those lucky people you've brought magic to over the years. Now it's someone elses turn to carry the load, you've certainly earned a break! X
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Woke up around 2 AM with a bad tummy, not sure what time I finally got back to bed but slept most of the day away
Now I'm just moping about feeling like warmed over death :P
I hope it's just that you are tired. I also hope your tummy feels better. If it is of any comfort V.M. I had a very broken and fitful sleep last night myself. They say misery loves company, recruit a friend to come over and visit.
Thank you Laurie, if only it were that easy
Hugs
I'm sick, I hate myself, and I've decided that I can't be friends anymore with someone. Also, stuck at work. My house is a trainwreck that needs to get cleaned before we host in Thursday but I have zero motivation to do a damn thing. Good times.
I hope it gets better for you quickly Amber. That house won't get cleaned up by itself.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on November 18, 2017, 05:25:25 PM
I hope it gets better for you quickly Amber. That house won't get cleaned up by itself.
Hugs,
Laurie
Thanks Laurie. I'm on medicine for the cold. Time will help me feel better about myself. In the interim I will likely have to rely on my wife for cleaning. For which I will apologize profusely after I start to feel better. I just hope it passes by the holiday.
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My mum was telling me about some cheap microwaves that no one likes because they have big buttons. I said "who cares about the buttons" she said "women cares" ouch:(.
Being told that the response I had when I caught the home invader was 'me' and that wasnt a normal girl response, and that I should be proud. And yet the person telling me what I should feel and think couldn't grasp why I was/am horrified by my actions.
Thoroughly disgusted with myself.
Rowan
Quote from: Sno on November 19, 2017, 04:18:01 AM
Being told that the response I had when I caught the home invader was 'me' and that wasnt a normal girl response, and that I should be proud. And yet the person telling me what I should feel and think couldn't grasp why I was/am horrified by my actions.
Thoroughly disgusted with myself.
Rowan
Anybody comes into my home, I might let them live to regret it, if I'm in good mood.
I'm a proud, strong, confident woman; I don't need to cower in a corner to feel feminine. Own it hun, be true to who you are. X
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If I catch an intruder they're injuries will be life changing should they survive. No rules, I will fight dirty & mean.
We had to say goodbye to our old kitty today. He was an interesting cat with a huge personality and a voice like Pavarotti. Okay, maybe he couldn't sing in tune, but he could match Pavarotti in volume! But he was 20 and in declining health, needing surgery that he probably couldn't have tolerated. I miss having to step over him.
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 21, 2017, 08:27:29 PM
We had to say goodbye to our old kitty today. He was an interesting cat with a huge personality and a voice like Pavarotti. Okay, maybe he couldn't sing in tune, but he could match Pavarotti in volume! But he was 20 and in declining health, needing surgery that he probably couldn't have tolerated. I miss having to step over him.
Sorry to hear that Kathy, I'm a big moggie fan. Have a hug from me. X
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Quote from: KathyLauren on November 21, 2017, 08:27:29 PM
We had to say goodbye to our old kitty today. He was an interesting cat with a huge personality and a voice like Pavarotti. Okay, maybe he couldn't sing in tune, but he could match Pavarotti in volume! But he was 20 and in declining health, needing surgery that he probably couldn't have tolerated. I miss having to step over him.
Kathy, I'm so sorry about your little buddy. I love all animals, but my dog is my only child. I started training her tonight about getting treats from "her other mom." Our Maggie is 14 now, and still in pretty good shape except for her hearing, but I know
that day is coming some time in the future.
So I grieve with you.
Steph
For a second I imagined everyone at work referred to me by 'Sinead' and it made me happy. In reality, I'm in a male body, and everyone refers to me as Sean :(
I wasn't allowed to go to thanksgiving dinner as Claire. Even when I went, most of my family ignored me, and one stared daggers at me most of the time. It was painful.
I've been miserable for weeks.
I had a job interview for a new position at work, and I was refused the position for very odd reasons.
1. I have a brother who works here, they dont think I can delegate tasks to him as a supervisor. Thing is, my brother only teaches classes at the leisure centre and doesnt do operations like banking etc. Which is what the supervisors do. I wouldnt even cross path with him, let alone need to delegate.
2. They want to expand the responsibilities of a supervisor. They did not clarify what these were. The guy they took on instead take an hour to fill out a form, has had two stand up arguements with members for his rudeness and can't even learn to use a computer (Ive had to train him for the position, and i was a rejected candidate) hell, speaking of responsibilities, he doesnt join in on any of the shared duties like cleaning, cashing up etc. I feel humiliated just having to work with him.
This has all hurt my confidence, because I feel my employers dont trust me to do a good job, despite the fact I routinely fill in for others, stay late, show up early, skip breaks or take shorter breaks, do extra (I loaded up my car with their trash to save them money on bin collection, I worked six weeks with a broken arm from the day it was in cast with one arm, just to help the centre when we were down a member). Feels like Im taken for granted.
I've gotten to the point where I need to talk to them because it's driving me insane and making me miserable.
Theyve cut my hours as well because of the new supervisor and now I barely make £400 before tax, I cant live like this.
Trying to come to terms with how badly broken I am.
Not feeling bad (yay, thanks medication!), just trying to come to terms with the wreckage, and waiting, to find out what this weeks description may be.
Rowan
Some random guy pointed towards me and started laughing with his friend. It was so very awkward because I obviously noticed they were looking right at me. Thankfully they moved away
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My Ex doesn't want me seeing my daughter in her preschool nativity.
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Quote from: Megan. on November 24, 2017, 06:16:32 AM
My Ex doesn't want me seeing my daughter in her preschool nativity.
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Oh no. So sorry, did she give any good reason?
I've never been allowed on or near my children's schools since transitioning.
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Wondering what happened to an ex & finding she died last year at only 58
Quote from: Megan. on November 24, 2017, 06:44:06 AM
I've never been allowed on or near my children's schools since transitioning.
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That's wrong, It's 2017
Quote from: Megan. on November 24, 2017, 06:44:06 AM
I've never been allowed on or near my children's schools since transitioning.
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That's really sad to hear, surely she can't stop you though. Kisses and hugs
Cut off by family, living alone, sleeping alone.
I hate the "holiday season".
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Quote from: Michelle_P on November 24, 2017, 08:31:33 AM
Cut off by family, living alone, sleeping alone.
I hate the "holiday season".
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Come to mine for Christmas, we can be alone together [emoji5]
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What made me unhappy today was the fact I had just realized it has been 3 years since I have been last able to dress as Bobbi Anne. I miss it so much, but my wife hates it and has 'forbid' me from dressing if we want to keep our marriage together. Just feeling down at seeing all the pretty clothes on sale that I would love to wear.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171124/b6e639864a0b4e83c287419cc38d6388.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171124/964c70859b3597da81b93ee17a9926df.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171124/8d63b79e6795242161f6939147438e72.jpg)
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Does anyone else (I'm in the closet btw) get those days where they just can't be around people because seeing everyone in your desired gender is just making you feel really jealous and dysphoric? Wondered if it was just me
A regular guest hadn't been visiting us. I saw on her facebook page she started cancer treatment last summer. There are no further entries since, it doesn't look good
Quote from: Sinead on November 26, 2017, 06:30:53 AM
Does anyone else (I'm in the closet btw) get those days where they just can't be around people because seeing everyone in your desired gender is just making you feel really jealous and dysphoric? Wondered if it was just me
Not just you hun, I still remember those days well, not fun [emoji853]. I'm sorry you're in that place. X
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Quote from: big kim on November 26, 2017, 06:58:41 AM
A regular guest hadn't been visiting us. I saw on her facebook page she started cancer treatment last summer. There are no further entries since, it doesn't look good
That makes me unhappy also Kim not even knowing of whom you speak. Cancer is a devastating disease.
Quote from: Sinead on November 26, 2017, 06:30:53 AM
Does anyone else (I'm in the closet btw) get those days where they just can't be around people because seeing everyone in your desired gender is just making you feel really jealous and dysphoric? Wondered if it was just me
Absolutely, Sinead! Only three months ago my wife and I went to one of the huge communities here in Florida that have activities going in the square every night. As we were having dinner I watched women walking around outside in their pretty sundresses and colorful shorts and clothes, just enjoying themselves, and the thought that I'd never ever be able to experience that overwhelmed me, and I had a huge meltdown.
But you know what? It really does get better. I've now gone full-time, and last Tuesday my wife and I went to that same community, took part in a trivia contest, ate dinner, and walked around the square enjoying the music and visiting the vendors, all with me in my new role. It was awesome!
So don't let it get to you too much. Believe me, you can do it, too.
Stephanie
Not being loved for who I really am
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Cried because of my ex. Again. I want to be with him and he doesn't reject me but doesn't take me back either. We're both in limbo and I'm tired of feeling sad.
My low self esteem i feel like it gets in the way of everything for me. Today it's been at a high where im presenting "male" at work. I don't remember it being this uncomfortable before
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When you do something nice for a stranger and they respond with; 'Nice! You're the MAN!' So you respond politely with; 'I'm not a man..' So they upgrade to; 'Thank you sir!' In the same exchange..
Lesson learned; heck with everybody. I'm done helping idiots.
*Language Please*
My job requires me to create 4 minute information videos that get distributed out across my company (tens of thousands) every 3-4 weeks.
It's never fun having to record and edit myself mid-transition with a still very poor voice.
Not nice knowing there will be an indelible record of my transition floating around for years to come [emoji853].
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So sorry Megan. I feel with you on this topic.
Might be an odd suggestion but have you looked around, there is software which can change the pitch of your voice into a more female range? Would be a bit more editing work but the results are interesting (as long as you don't crank it up to 11, then you would sound like Mini Mouse). There may even be software you can just run inline while recording, so you could save some work.
You could even re-edit some of the older videos and adjust the pitch ;-)
Quote from: Megan. on November 30, 2017, 07:57:17 AM
My job requires me to create 4 minute information videos that get distributed out across my company (tens of thousands) every 3-4 weeks.
It's never fun having to record and edit myself mid-transition with a still very poor voice.
Not nice knowing there will be an indelible record of my transition floating around for years to come [emoji853].
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Sarah, that's a good idea, if only I wasn't too lazy to bother [emoji23].
The fact is that, I should be doing more practice, and that I'm proud of who and what I am, and I won't hide that. [emoji4]
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Quote from: Megan. on November 30, 2017, 08:58:02 AM
Sarah, that's a good idea, if only I wasn't too lazy to bother [emoji23].
The fact is that, I should be doing more practice, and that I'm proud of who and what I am, and I won't hide that. [emoji4]
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this :)
I've been dressing more to my liking even at work without 'outing'. If they think something is odd, so be it, I don't care. I am me.
Another torturous session of hair removal. About 10 more to go.
Hahaha... that would be so me, I am right there with you (on both points btw)
Quote from: Megan. on November 30, 2017, 08:58:02 AM
Sarah, that's a good idea, if only I wasn't too lazy to bother [emoji23].
The fact is that, I should be doing more practice, and that I'm proud of who and what I am, and I won't hide that. [emoji4]
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I'm just now realizing that one of the final papers I am going to write is about male privilege and hegemonic masculinity- a topic I am good at discussing in one of my sociology classes, but not in my English classes. It's going to be hard to actually get this professor to listen to what I have to say about this topic because she is very much the white cis older woman that doesn't understand the gender spectrum and that privilege is actually a thing.
This paper is going to drain me so much.
So I went out of town last night with some friends to see a concert. After the concert we got really lost on the way back to our hotel, we ended up 15 miles away from it because New Jersey is really confusing and there are no easy spots to turn around! I came really close to driving into a lane of oncoming traffic! It really stressed me out, I'm never that bad at driving! Then we got back to the hotel and I couldn't sleep. My friends stayed up for a bit, so that was part of it, then when they went to sleep 2 of them were snoring. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night.
a couple weeks ago I posted some stuff in my HRT thread about how I was depressed because my friends were always doing stuff and excluding me from it and it happened again last night, they were posting videos of what looked like a really fun party and they did cute stuff like make gingerbread houses. I've been trying forever to do cute little craft nights with them and even tried to set some up and they always claimed they were too busy. they say it's unintentional but sometimes it really feels like it is.
I was supposed to have band practice today too but then our drummer decided that the time I told him to plan on wasn't going to work for him and then our bassist couldn't practice earlier so that got all messed up too.
sorry, I needed to vent.
Today, I was seeing a post of a pictures from last weekend's car meet that finally got posted and I seen myself and seeing myself still in the guy mode and still looking big as I still do still puts me in the mode of sadness.
I have always hated how the guy version of me looked fat or not I just don't like that version of me.
Even though I have been seeing some changes in the mirror from being on HRT for almost a year now, and how much weight I have lost in the past 6 months I am still unhappy about how I look and seems to be that thing.
At this same time I was just thinking about how the other day I have this permanent angry look even tho my mood is great and I have been happy these past few days, I still have this unapproachable look in which I don't know how to fix, I feel like this was something since the cancer back in 2003 that caused ability to unable to show a decent smile and the cost to repair that is too much to even afford this day and age.
And my weight loss went from 293 in May till Now still around 227ish.
I guess this is all hitting me today as I know, in time with patience I will achieve my goals, it is just sad to think about the road to success sometimes but keeping an outlook to the dream that can be achieved.
Quote from: aves on November 30, 2017, 12:11:08 PM
I'm just now realizing that one of the final papers I am going to write is about male privilege and hegemonic masculinity- a topic I am good at discussing in one of my sociology classes, but not in my English classes. It's going to be hard to actually get this professor to listen to what I have to say about this topic because she is very much the white cis older woman that doesn't understand the gender spectrum and that privilege is actually a thing.
This paper is going to drain me so much.
I'm sorry that you feel like your voice isn't heard.
Think of it this way though, It's not fun to debate with people who agree with you. In a sociology class everyone is most likely on the same page, or at least willing to listen. It's only how well we articulate ourselves with the general public or someone that opposes us that shows us how much we know about a particular topic. This is a great opportunity to test your knowledge and perhaps expand on it even more.
Went to my trans group today, I actually didn't enjoy it. I loved being able to dress up and be myself, but I didn't enjoy wearing my wig. I wanted to take it off as soon as I could, it got in the way of my eyes and felt uncomfortable, I wish I had naturally long hair, also, everyone there was further on in their transition than me (I haven't even started yet), especially this one girl who looked perfect, I was so jealous of her, she looked so pretty and passable, I would've done anything to swap bodies with her. Didn't enjoy changing back into a 'male', never do really
I found out that my new girlfriend was raped. As to whether or not that is unhappy or just plain ticked is up for debate. She couldn't admit it to herself, let alone me, for a while. She was blaming herself for the event.
Hi Artesia,
(Hugs), it's always horrid when we find out things like this.
My unhappiness today is from the discovery of the term emotional incest, and then on reading discovered that it described my relationship with my mother.
Exactly. Scarily so.
Why do I have to be so broken.?
*numb and nauseous*
Rowan.
Ps. Apparently it's common for EI survivors to have significant gender issues, well go figure.
*Heavy sigh*
Coping during the Holiday season, putting on a smile front and trying to pretend that everything is hunky dory when I know that it isn't and hoping I'll even make it through the month :-\ The anxiety and depression is killing me but I'm sure I'm not the only one though
Quote from: V M on December 06, 2017, 04:32:34 AM
*Heavy sigh*
Coping during the Holiday season, putting on a smile front and trying to pretend that everything is hunky dory when I know that it isn't and hoping I'll even make it through the month :-\ I'm sure I'm not the only though
Hugs hun. X
Take the chance to enjoy the 'you' time, a little pampering never hurts. [emoji5]
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*Sigh*
If only it were that simple, but I spend too much time alone already
Thanks for your thoughts though
Hugs back
Quote from: V M on December 06, 2017, 04:32:34 AM
*Heavy sigh*
Coping during the Holiday season, putting on a smile front and trying to pretend that everything is hunky dory when I know that it isn't and hoping I'll even make it through the month :-\ The anxiety and depression is killing me but I'm sure I'm not the only one though
I'm sorry for that! Just keep in mind that this is a roller coaster so the depression will pass. If you can go out with your friends and get distracted.
Hugs!
I had one of those days that made me feel old and dumb today. I'm an overachiever, to the extreme. I sat in on a demonstration today from some kids about 20 years younger than me. They were doing something technology wise that was really impressive. It made me feel like tech has passed me. My tech resume is long too, but damn, these young kids!
Bari Jo
109 percent increase in my 2018 monthly insurance premium. Higher deductibles. Higher co-pays. Less covered services.
Thanks so much politicians.
Quote from: DeniseGrace on December 07, 2017, 09:02:57 PM
109 percent increase in my 2018 monthly insurance premium. Higher deductibles. Higher co-pays. Less covered services.
Thanks so much politicians.
Hi DeniseGrace,
I'm Laurie and it appears that you have somehow slipped past our greeting detectors. So please let me say, Welcome To Susan's Place! Come on in and take a good look around. Perhaps I can even get you to hop on over to the
Introductions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) Thread and create a post to tell us a little bit more about yourself so we can get to know you a little better and greet you properly. I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.
Laurie
Global Moderator
Laurie@susans.org
Things that you should read
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Went to my endo's appointment line I should, and the office was closed! No note on the door, no phone call, building lights turned off and everything! WTH? [emoji35]
But I did notice after I realized the office was locked that the outside sign looks like it had been blown off the pole. I hope everything's okay. [emoji20]
Ryuichi
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Went to pick up my new HRT prescription and it wont be in till MONDAY **^^^!!!!!
I'm totally broke and have come down with a nasty cold :(
My dog has been sick, and blood tests show liver failure. I don't know the cause yet, crying lots. He is my best friend, my favorite, sometimes only friend. I keep thinking the worst. Mire tests tomorrow.
Bari Jo
I'm so sorry. I've lost a few best friends over the years. It doesn't get easier. I hope for your sake, and his, that the cause is found quickly and corrected.
Quote from: Bari Jo on December 17, 2017, 08:40:36 PM
My dog has been sick, and blood tests show liver failure. I don't know the cause yet, crying lots. He is my best friend, my favorite, sometimes only friend. I keep thinking the worst. Mire tests tomorrow.
I'm so sorry to hear that Bari Jo. My little buddy has partial kidney failure, but it's mild enough that it just means she drinks a lot of water and pees a lot. I'm pretty sure it was caused by dried turkey strips from a major pet food company that turn out to have been imported from China. They've been informally implicated for causing kidney failure, but it's not likely anything will ever be proven.
Maggie is 14 and in good shape for her age. I dread what I know is coming in the next couple of years, so I make sure we spend a lot of time together.
Stephanie
After coming out to my mom last week, I had a great opportunity to tell my sister in law and brother last night and I completely bottled it :(
Quote from: Bari Jo on December 17, 2017, 08:40:36 PM
My dog has been sick, and blood tests show liver failure. I don't know the cause yet, crying lots. He is my best friend, my favorite, sometimes only friend. I keep thinking the worst. Mire tests tomorrow.
Bari Jo
Oh no, hugs. X
I'm a big animal lover, I hate to see them suffer. PM me if you need a shoulder.
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Quote from: Sinead on December 18, 2017, 02:13:36 AM
After coming out to my mom last week, I had a great opportunity to tell my sister in law and brother last night and I completely bottled it :(
If you didn't do it, then it wasn't the right time for you, that's all, don't sweat it.
When you're ready, it'll happen. X
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My father's 17-year marriage to my terrible step mother is finally ending - first session with the mediator was today. So I'm happy about that. But wanting a divorce right before Chrismas, and all because you got a $400k inheritance that you don't have to share with your husband and you're mad that he couldn't find an investment for you in time to avoid capital gains? Excuse my censored language, but eat sh*t.
Something on the Jeep's block exploded today, sending coolant everywhere. My mechanic thinks its probably just a freeze plug since it doesn't seem to be mixing with the oil, and that it was running with filthy dex-cool through an even filthier radiator when I bought it 9 months ago, but we talked about replacing the engine anyway, just in case the head is busted. I was hoping to get tires for xmas, but I might be panhandling for engine money from Santa instead. I am NOT giving up on this. The Jeep is my baby. My second damn husband. I named him, I talk to him, and I can't imagine life without him. We'll get through this one way or the other.
Thirdly, the 'friends' who ran me out of the professional comic book business last year due to incompetence (rather than malice) still haven't paid me money that I'm owed, still haven't lived up to a number of stipulations from their own contract, and yet... they're still putting out Kickstarters and raking in the cash. They offered me my dream job once upon a time, and not only botched that but completely ruined our friendship all in one go. I'm never making art for somebody else like that ever again.
And lastly but not leastly, my gender questioning saga continues.
I just want the holidays to be over already.
Apparently I really am that manipulative POS that I try not to be. Screw BPD and all the negative traits that come with it. I am really NOT trying to be manipulative. Unfortunately, I don't freaking realize that I am being manipulative until I screw things up and someone finally points out what I did and how it happened.
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life
Oh Amber,
Have a (hug), just because.
Last state sponsored 'therapy' yesterday, but I'm carrying on, I just need to find a way to pay. We talked through potentially going through a diagnostic trail. Personally, I'm past the point of caring - I've narrowed 'suspects' down to BPD, C-PTSD and/or ADD with a side of gender dysphoria, but suspect that my therapist believes I'm HFA, whatever, stick a bow on it and call me a lemon.
*anxious*/*not anxious* let's just get this next phase done.
Rowan is quietly panicking, yup, just before Christmas. Hohohoho...
Quote from: Sno on December 20, 2017, 01:20:57 PM
Oh Amber,
Have a (hug), just because.
Last state sponsored 'therapy' yesterday, but I'm carrying on, I just need to find a way to pay. We talked through potentially going through a diagnostic trail. Personally, I'm past the point of caring - I've narrowed 'suspects' down to BPD, C-PTSD and/or ADD with a side of gender dysphoria, but suspect that my therapist believes I'm HFA, whatever, stick a bow on it and call me a lemon.
*anxious*/*not anxious* let's just get this next phase done.
Rowan is quietly panicking, yup, just before Christmas. Hohohoho...
Thanks for the hug. Good luck with the diagnostic trial. Bpd and ADHD hmm sounds familiar [emoji23]. You get a hug too.
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I realized I'm still being ruled by peer pressure today. We had a screening of Coco at lunch. It's a tear jerker. I noticed the guys weren't crying, and I wanted to, but fought it. Dammit, I really need to be me, not what people expect of me.
Bari Jo
I'm really getting ahead of myself. I want ffs to fix my nose and brow bossing which cause a lot of dysphoria for me but I feel I'm rushing. I wish I had gotten rhinoplasty years ago when I met with a surgeon.. feeling really down lately
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Quote from: dist123 on December 21, 2017, 01:41:34 AM
I'm really getting ahead of myself. I want ffs to fix my nose and brow bossing which cause a lot of dysphoria for me but I feel I'm rushing. I wish I had gotten rhinoplasty years ago when I met with a surgeon.. feeling really down lately
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The longer I'm on hrt the less FFS I think I want to do. I think you just start to be happy with what you have. Perhaps after a year you won't want as much either?
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on December 21, 2017, 05:01:14 AM
The longer I'm on hrt the less FFS I think I want to do. I think you just start to be happy with what you have. Perhaps after a year you won't want as much either?
Bari Jo
That's good to hear! I'm happy for you [emoji4]I'm waiting it out..i have a while to go still
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Found out last night I'm basically solo cooking all of Christmas dinner. This happens every freaking time, big plans are developed but then I'm the one who actually has to carry them out. :-X So now everyone else will be sitting around chatting or doing whatever while I'm rushing back and forth trying to juggle things in the worst oven known to man. Then to top it off, received a last minute special request for some latkes I cooked a few years ago (my step mother is non-observant Jewish, but when her parents were in town one year I made them) meaning I have to go track down shallots (for whatever reason stores close to me do not stock them reliably) and juggle frying on top of everything else.
Ugh, this is going to be a stressful nightmare, and I really, really don't want to deal with it right now.
(And that's on top of that we usually do christmas day meal at a buffet at one of two really high end local places that do special holiday spreads, which I was really looking forward to because the more likely one we'd go to is where they make my precious creme brulee french toast I am trying to desperately to replicate. :-\)
@Roll then don't do it! I'm sure they'll figure something out
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Quote from: dist123 on December 21, 2017, 12:41:31 PM
@Roll then don't do it! I'm sure they'll figure something out
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Trust me, not an option if I want to ever have peace again. ;D
I had a really nice dream where it was summer and I was running through a beautiful green field during a gorgeous sunset and I felt awesome. Then I woke up and it was the first day of winter >:(
Quote from: Maddie86 on December 21, 2017, 04:43:57 PM
I had a really nice dream where it was summer and I was running through a beautiful green field during a gorgeous sunset and I felt awesome. Then I woke up and it was the first day of winter >:(
I love winter, I just don't want to live in the snow and ice, I grew up there. Not enough fun for the work.
A comment, hopefully that helps ease it a bit, Whenever I read one of your posts your profile pic grabs my eye. A startling intense look where I can't help but stare back. Awesomely lovely photo.
Quote from: Faith on December 21, 2017, 04:54:24 PM
I love winter, I just don't want to live in the snow and ice, I grew up there. Not enough fun for the work.
A comment, hopefully that helps ease it a bit, Whenever I read one of your posts your profile pic grabs my eye. A startling intense look where I can't help but stare back. Awesomely lovely photo.
awww thank you!! <3
I was out to dinner with my wife ( we are separated but still get along) and she casually states how this Christmas is sucking because she has to worry about buying male items for one of her "daughters" (yes he is trans too) and female items for her husnand.
Thought I was done hurting her. Aperantly not.
Quote from: Angela49 on December 22, 2017, 07:17:04 AM
I was out to dinner with my wife ( we are separated but still get along) and she casually states how this Christmas is sucking because she has to worry about buying male items for one of her "daughters" (yes he is trans too) and female items for her husnand.
Thought I was done hurting her. Aperantly not.
Don't take that on yourself, if she is complaining about her son as well that is all on her. (An ex-spouse being bitter and making a snide remark about their ex is one thing, and even if not healthy or good, is at least understandable. Saying it about their child is something else entirely.)
I am pretty much over it now but last night was pretty tough.
Quote from: BT04 on December 19, 2017, 01:11:20 AM
My father's 17-year marriage to my terrible step mother is finally ending - first session with the mediator was today. So I'm happy about that. But wanting a divorce right before Chrismas, and all because you got a $400k inheritance that you don't have to share with your husband and you're mad that he couldn't find an investment for you in time to avoid capital gains? Excuse my censored language, but eat sh*t.
Something on the Jeep's block exploded today, sending coolant everywhere. My mechanic thinks its probably just a freeze plug since it doesn't seem to be mixing with the oil, and that it was running with filthy dex-cool through an even filthier radiator when I bought it 9 months ago, but we talked about replacing the engine anyway, just in case the head is busted. I was hoping to get tires for xmas, but I might be panhandling for engine money from Santa instead. I am NOT giving up on this. The Jeep is my baby. My second damn husband. I named him, I talk to him, and I can't imagine life without him. We'll get through this one way or the other.
Thirdly, the 'friends' who ran me out of the professional comic book business last year due to incompetence (rather than malice) still haven't paid me money that I'm owed, still haven't lived up to a number of stipulations from their own contract, and yet... they're still putting out Kickstarters and raking in the cash. They offered me my dream job once upon a time, and not only botched that but completely ruined our friendship all in one go. I'm never making art for somebody else like that ever again.
And lastly but not leastly, my gender questioning saga continues.
I just want the holidays to be over already.
Things are looking better. Was just in a bad spot. Husband had mumps too, of all things, but he's going to be feeling better for xmas. The Jeep is fine, turns out it was just a hose - I had my mech do a compression test anyways, and at 200k miles his engine is still perfectly healthy, woohoo.
The rest is going to be a lot easier to deal with now.
Scumbag twice tried to knock me off my bike
Quote from: big kim on December 22, 2017, 11:28:46 AM
Scumbag twice tried to knock me off my bike
Yes Kim that would make me mad also even though I am one of the motorists that is always losing road and roads space to you cyclists her in Portland, Oregon. One of the most bicycle friendly places in the country. It doesn't mean I would go around trying to knock one off the road. I wouldn't even do it to one out in the countryside that doesn't want to share the road though I will admit it could be tempting.
hugs,
Laurie
Being broke and feeling lonely :P
Ugh, had a short lived but fairly bad hit from pure dysphoria. I decided to put myself together and sit around full femme mode playing games. So I do my makeup and all that "fun" stuff. Fully dressed, i look in the mirror... and I just look bad. No beard shadow, but face just looked super, crazy wide and masculine looking. It was a huge start since I wasn't expecting it at all, normally makeup has a pretty solid feminizing effect on me. While I eventually calmed down and realized I must have accidentally botched my makeup in a way that contoured me in a negative manner and what I was seeing was a bit of illusion, unfortunately the damage was already done and I had went through the array of "oh god, it's was all a lie, I'll never pass" thoughts. Really put a damper on my evening. First time removing makeup ever made me feel better about myself, and I looked less masculine with the beard shadow showing somehow. Still not entirely sure what went wrong, I basically just did foundation/beard cover.
Quote from: Roll on December 22, 2017, 09:33:53 PM
Ugh, had a short lived but fairly bad hit from pure dysphoria. I decided to put myself together and sit around full femme mode playing games. So I do my makeup and all that "fun" stuff. Fully dressed, i look in the mirror... and I just look bad. No beard shadow, but face just looked super, crazy wide and masculine looking. It was a huge start since I wasn't expecting it at all, normally makeup has a pretty solid feminizing effect on me. While I eventually calmed down and realized I must have accidentally botched my makeup in a way that contoured me in a negative manner and what I was seeing was a bit of illusion, unfortunately the damage was already done and I had went through the array of "oh god, it's was all a lie, I'll never pass" thoughts. Really put a damper on my evening. First time removing makeup ever made me feel better about myself, and I looked less masculine with the beard shadow showing somehow. Still not entirely sure what went wrong, I basically just did foundation/beard cover.
That happens to me a lot too! Maybe it's just starting hrt it feels like taking a huge leap and feeling like I have to rely on makeup stresses me out so much. I think makeup should enhance features but to use it to cover or create an illusion makes me even more dysphoric.. that's been my experience at least
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Constantly misgendered today. Too much investment for negative returns. Feeling like it's not worth it.
- Steph
Cold callers (I suspect), who gave me a panic attack, as they called, number unknown, twice with a short gap between.
I panicked because my GP has finally decided to see how far in the basement my T level is, and I am waiting on the results of my blood tests.. :-\
This could lead to some 'interesting' conversations....
Rowan
Well since I am working through all the holidays till the new year I was going out dress like this with my room mate that has never been out in public with me as we park the car she says "I dont know I if can do this' I said what she said "every one looking " so we left she was not happy leaving but I was obviously an embarrassment to here just as I have been forever Well this is what i looked like
(https://i.imgur.com/IWHmvDK.jpg)
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 22, 2017, 11:26:16 PM
Constantly misgendered today. Too much investment for negative returns. Feeling like it's not worth it.
- Steph
If I said, hand back your new IDs, get back in your old drab clothes, would you be happy? I reckon I know your answer... So it IS worth it, but sadly that doesn't mean others are going to make it easy for us. Live your life, and let others say or think what they want. X
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Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on December 23, 2017, 08:08:30 AM
Well since I am working through all the holidays till the new year I was going out dress like this with my room mate that has never been out in public with me as we park the car she says "I dont know I if can do this' I said what she said "every one looking " so we left she was not happy leaving but I was obviously an embarrassment to here just as I have been forever Well this is what i looked like
So sorry to hear that Natalie, just remember that is all on her not you! I doubt anyone would have even given you a second glance.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on December 23, 2017, 08:08:30 AM
Well since I am working through all the holidays till the new year I was going out dress like this with my room mate that has never been out in public with me as we park the car she says "I dont know I if can do this' I said what she said "every one looking " so we left she was not happy leaving but I was obviously an embarrassment to here just as I have been forever Well this is what i looked like
(https://i.imgur.com/IWHmvDK.jpg)
I would not be embarrassed at all, you look great. It's your room mate's insecurity and problem. I'm sorry you didn't get a pleasant day out.
Thank you both Roll and Faith I appreciate it, you both made me feel better
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on December 23, 2017, 10:48:56 AM
Thank you both Roll and Faith I appreciate it, you both made me feel better
My gosh What is wrong with your roommate. No one was staring except to see at least one good looking girl (you) but more than likely two. I'll bet she is used to getting those looks and liking them. It's only that she knows you are trans that set off her own transphobia and insecurities.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: V M on December 22, 2017, 07:05:06 PM
Being broke and feeling lonely :P
*extra big hug*
You're not alone, Virginia. :)
Just received my wife's Christmas present. Received a table top, no pedestal, no chairs. It's been in transit for a month. Online shopping, don't ya just love it. All the pictures show a complete set w/4 chairs. Luckily I am able to cope now thanks to E. I called logistics and was very respectful. In my former form I would have cussed them out for half an hour.
I'm thinking about quitting my band. We played a show tonight and the drummer was so off, in our first song he doubled the tempo during the 2nd verse and it totally threw me off so I couldn't sing, and the rest of the set he kept speeding up and slowing down too. I wasn't having any fun and I felt like I was going through the motions. I've been trying to think of someone who can replace him, I asked a friend of mine last week who is an amazing drummer but he doesn't have the time. Our bassist isn't really any good either, he's super sloppy. I'm writing songs that I really like and these guys aren't doing them any justice. And not many of my friends came out tonight either. I just feel like no one cares so why bother?
Hit with the RLE road block for my srs approval from OHIP. Ah well, wait I must.
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Quote from: Laurie on December 23, 2017, 04:44:09 PM
My gosh What is wrong with your roommate. No one was staring except to see at least one good looking girl (you) but more than likely two. I'll bet she is used to getting those looks and liking them. It's only that she knows you are trans that set off her own transphobia and insecurities.
Hugs,
Laurie
Thank you Laurie you it makes sense, She is fine with me in private but never been in public with me.
We are always here for you. So many others around us might not be but we are always here for you. Big hugs
Mariah
Quote from: V M on December 22, 2017, 07:05:06 PM
Being broke and feeling lonely :P
Quote from: Maddie86 on December 23, 2017, 10:17:38 PM
I'm thinking about quitting my band. We played a show tonight and the drummer was so off, in our first song he doubled the tempo during the 2nd verse and it totally threw me off so I couldn't sing, and the rest of the set he kept speeding up and slowing down too. I wasn't having any fun and I felt like I was going through the motions. I've been trying to think of someone who can replace him, I asked a friend of mine last week who is an amazing drummer but he doesn't have the time. Our bassist isn't really any good either, he's super sloppy. I'm writing songs that I really like and these guys aren't doing them any justice. And not many of my friends came out tonight either. I just feel like no one cares so why bother?
I tried being in a band. They leeched all the fun out of it. Now I just play/sing at home for myself and go to a local jam. If they mess up more than I can handle at the jam, I can just leave :)
Anything like this has to be fun first.
It is Christmas Eve. Actually the Christmas Holiday as a whole. But Christmas eve and day are the worst of it especially this year.
I'm finding it to be increasingly difficult to be around women. Me and my friends went for our annual Christmas Eve curry, but one of my friends bought their partner, she's great, honestly, me and her got on really well, but I had my typical 'gay guy, I can be your best friend' demeanour on, when really, I wanted to be her so badly, she said she was self conscious about her body, but I would've done anything to have a body even remotely similar to her's. I nearly came out as trans so many times, I'm literally like a ticking time bomb at the moment
I am tired, just completely soul crushingly exhausted, and in incredible amounts of pain. I have spent every waking moment on my feet preparing for tomorrow, and there has been mishap after mishap. The chocolate I was melting to do some truffles just refused to melt and then decided to go from solid to burn instantly. As a result, they are horrible little clumpy things that just don't look appetizing at all. I've also only done 2 out of the 5 things I need to prep before tomorrow and it is past 6pm. I am not even going to be cooking until midnight, I'm going to be PREPPING until midnight just to get up and cook more tomorrow morning. My back has been killing me (for days now, I might not be drinking enough on the spiro), my feet are in agony, and to top it off I severely burned myself doing the stupidest things possible. First, I was making pasta for mac and cheese. I had a big spoon for stirring, and a little spoon for something else. My brain just thought "spoon", I picked up a spoon and went to stir the noodles. Oh, except I picked up the little spoon, so I wound up STICKING MY HAND IN THE BOILING WATER (since I was mentally judging it by the spoon hitting the bottom I guess). Fortunately, I managed to survive that okay, I reacted quickly and the burn was minor. Then later, I was going to make some crumb topping. I noticed my little pan had some debris in it, so i went to pick it out. Unfortunately, I forgot I had already turned on the stove. So I stick my fingers in the pan (SAME FINGERS FROM THE WATER) to pick up the piece of whatever, and my brain just ceased to function and I sort of left them there for a few seconds in my ever debilitating state of mind. So yeah. I cooked my finger tip. Like 100% literally cooked my freaking finger tip.
Did I mention I still have 3 more things to prepare iand then hours of cooking tomorrow?
Quote from: Roll on December 24, 2017, 05:12:18 PM
I am tired, just completely soul crushingly exhausted, and in incredible amounts of pain. I have spent every waking moment on my feet preparing for tomorrow, and there has been mishap after mishap. The chocolate I was melting to do some truffles just refused to melt and then decided to go from solid to burn instantly. As a result, they are horrible little clumpy things that just don't look appetizing at all. I've also only done 2 out of the 5 things I need to prep before tomorrow and it is past 6pm. I am not even going to be cooking until midnight, I'm going to be PREPPING until midnight just to get up and cook more tomorrow morning. My back has been killing me (for days now, I might not be drinking enough on the spiro), my feet are in agony, and to top it off I severely burned myself doing the stupidest things possible. First, I was making pasta for mac and cheese. I had a big spoon for stirring, and a little spoon for something else. My brain just thought "spoon", I picked up a spoon and went to stir the noodles. Oh, except I picked up the little spoon, so I wound up STICKING MY HAND IN THE BOILING WATER (since I was mentally judging it by the spoon hitting the bottom I guess). Fortunately, I managed to survive that okay, I reacted quickly and the burn was minor. Then later, I was going to make some crumb topping. I noticed my little pan had some debris in it, so i went to pick it out. Unfortunately, I forgot I had already turned on the stove. So I stick my fingers in the pan (SAME FINGERS FROM THE WATER) to pick up the piece of whatever, and my brain just ceased to function and I sort of left them there for a few seconds in my ever debilitating state of mind. So yeah. I cooked my finger tip. Like 100% literally cooked my freaking finger tip.
Did I mention I still have 3 more things to prepare iand then hours of cooking tomorrow?
Oh no, sending hugs for you and extra gentle ones for your finger.
You sound you like to run your kitchen like I do, but try not to take it all on, use the Jedi power of delegation! X
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Bah humbug! 30 minutes of unwrapping fun followed by 2 hours of yelling at children and clean up. Now it's whoosh off to the in-laws (some may remember hearing about them from Thanksgiving in another thread). Yippee Skippy, dealing with unaccepting family. Is it over yet?
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Quote from: amberwaves on December 25, 2017, 09:33:40 AM
Bah humbug! 30 minutes of unwrapping fun followed by 2 hours of yelling at children and clean up. Now it's whoosh off to the in-laws (some may remember hearing about them from Thanksgiving in another thread). Yippee Skippy, dealing with unaccepting family. Is it over yet?
Sounds like Christmas is performing exactly to factory specs! :laugh:
Good luck with fam.
Hugs, Devlyn
Sounds like Christmas is performing exactly to factory specs! You left out the fight, my detestable ex BIL used to turn up with a 6 pack of rubbish lager, help himself to Dad's single malt whisky then fight Dad, me, his sons or daughters boyfriends. He always lost!
I went to JC Penney's with a friend today with a $50 gift card and I ended up not buying anything. I wanted a new pair of black leggings and they were out of my size, and I wanted some sleepwear and again nothing really in my size. I almost got a couple v-neck t shirts that I could use but I didn't end up getting them because I figured it would just be better to save the card for later. Then I got home and tried on some clothes and I felt like nothing fits me right, even some really cute clothes that I bought over the summer are too big on me now! I can wait until the spring to get more dresses but I could really use some cute tops!
My eldest niece got a gift voucher stolen in Marks & Spencers by a woman who deliberately barged into her, knocked them out of her hand, picked them up & took 1 for herself. Kaths a very delicate timid girl & this was a much bigger older woman.
My ex BIL continues to blow his life up & be a PITA to everyone he comes near, he's drunk so much that he's drunk without drinking. My nephews & nieces refuse to have anything to do with him til he straightens up but he still tries to meddle in their lives (they're 22 to 31). I'm at my sisters yesterday & a neighbour tells me there's a drunk guy sat on my bike, sure enough it's him. I must be getting softer in my old age, a few years ago I would have chinned him
The weather's been absolute crap for 3 days in a row and I want to go out. When it's as bad as this it rattles the tiles on the side of the building all night and usually rips a few off. I said in another thread I don't like total silence when trying to sleep but when the storms are happening here it sounds like someone falling around on the roof for 12 hours at a time.
My dog is worrying me again. He's not jaundice anymore, and is eating his hepatic diet food, but he groans in his sleep. He also Won't Leave my side. Wherever I go he climbs into my lap. If I get near my bed he climbs in hoping it's time to sleep. He's obviously not feeling well. I wish dogs could just tell you what's wrong.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on December 27, 2017, 07:58:16 AM
My dog is worrying me again. He's not jaundice anymore, and is eating his hepatic diet food, but he groans in his sleep. He also Won't Leave my side. Wherever I go he climbs into my lap. If I get near my bed he climbs in hoping it's time to sleep. He's obviously not feeling well. I wish dogs could just tell you what's wrong.
Bari Jo
Bari Every dog I've ever had, yelps, jerks and seems to be fighting off packs of cats. They also love to climb on the bed and lie down next to me. The biggest problem I see in this has to do with my king size bed. If I start in the middle, every time I turn over the dogs get that much closer to me. Eventually by the end of the night my butt cheeks are hanging over the edge.
Got turned down for yet another job.
Oops, make that 2 jobs. >:(
Received a call from my father yesterday who rang from New Zealand to tell me one of my Aunties has just been diagnosed with cancer and advised to "put her house in order" she has a massive untreatable tumour under her arm that extends across her chest along with secondaries in her lungs.
She and I have had a very special relationship for many years with her being one of the only people from the extended family who came to our wedding...more recently she was the only Aunty or Uncle to actually ring me after I came out to find out how I was doing. She has cared about me and for me in so many ways that were far over and above what is normally expected from Aunties and Uncles in my family.
This makes me incredibly sad just to think about it....I am frantically trying to organise a new passport so I can get over and see her.
Very sorry to hear of this Elizabeth :'(
*Super Monster Hugs*
So sorry to hear this Liz.
Sorry Liz, sending love. X
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Big hug, Liz! Use the time to tell her how much she mattered to you.
Hugs, Devlyn
Thank you all for the kind words...Bad things happen to good people and sometimes life just sucks!!
Yes, Liz, sometimes life just sucks especially when it sucks for a loved one. You'll get that paperwork all approved and get your new passport so you can go visit her and let her know how she is loved by you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Sorry Liz, make the most of your time together
my on-and-off (currently off) boyfriend telling me all about his new girlfriend. it's even worse considering she used to give me relationship advice and would try to help us get back together the other times we broke up :(
Quote from: virtualverny on December 28, 2017, 12:41:21 PM
my on-and-off (currently off) boyfriend telling me all about his new girlfriend. it's even worse considering she used to give me relationship advice and would try to help us get back together the other times we broke up :(
Oh no, sry hun, have a ((hug)). X
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Went to the Subway for a bite to eat & a pair of chav scum were tormenting a young boy with learning difficulties & his carer. I straightened them up
The holidays have made me more sensitive than usual. That and having so much free time makes me think about my ex ALL THE FREAKING TIME. I can't get him out of my head. Oh well a few more days and these vacations will be over.
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This is just a small thing but.. Today we received a box from my sister in Colorado. You know the one that took my daughter's side in her public Facebook attack on me blaming me for a lot of things and stating she was not accepting me as trans. Well my sister supported her and said she didn't support me either.
Anyway this box arrives addressed to Leonard and Karen. I left it for my sister Karen to open and went to my electrolysis appointment. When I get home I see this big (the biggest one they sell) box of chocolate covered cherries. It is well known that I like these and I usually get some at Christmas up until this year, until this box showed up. I picked it up and took it out to my sister and told her to give it to her son and his wife. She asked, "Why? You don't want them?" I replied. "They were sent to Leonard and he isn't here anymore."
Quote from: Laurie on December 28, 2017, 10:05:43 PM
...... I replied. "They were sent to Leonard and he isn't here anymore."
Absolutely!!!!
And what has been my #1 area of dysphoria has struck me for the first time in a while...
Just trimmed my hair around the sides pretty heavily after letting it grow out a good bit for about two months. :/ Down from about an inch and a half or two inches to down to 3/4 inch. I was taking stock of my regrowth from hair regimen and realized that even if it has been very positive and showing great results so far, I still was nowhere near the point I could grow hair out and look like anything but a medieval friar or aging rock band roadie. Even at 1.5-2 inches it was looking really bad. So I bit the bullet, and trimmed to a reasonable length that doesn't create quite as much of a contrast with the still very thin parts of scalp.
I just want my own hair so bad I got ahead of myself, letting unrealistic expectations and images run rampant. Someday I'll be there... but not today, and probably not even two years from now after I have to wait for meds to have done their thing and then go through the transplant process(that recovery time alone...). *sigh*
Not a huge deal all things considered, just a nasty dose of reality.
It could be worse Ellie. I doubt I have enough hair left to be able to do transplants. Still I vainly grow what little hair I have out.
I've got one of those gnarly headaches I get from time to time that make me wonder if surviving was such a good thing :P
My sister sent me a photo of us from a few years ago when I was 22. It makes me very sad. I looked like I would have benefited so much from hrt then and these past few years I've been in limbo would have made a difference... I deleted it so I don't keep looking at it and beating myself up over something I can never change
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Quote from: dist123 on December 29, 2017, 02:40:18 AM
My sister sent me a photo of us from a few years ago when I was 22. It makes me very sad. I looked like I would have benefited so much from hrt then and these past few years I've been in limbo would have made a difference... I deleted it so I don't keep looking at it and beating myself up over something I can never change
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Hon, Never worry about the past nothing can change it. Fight for every second of now and plan and live for the future. The past is immaterial.
Live your life and love it.
BIG HUG
Quote from: Cindy on December 29, 2017, 02:46:03 AM
Hon, Never worry about the past nothing can change it. Fight for every second of now and plan and live for the future. The past is immaterial.
Live your life and love it.
BIG HUG
Thanks Cindy that means a lot to hear right now [emoji173]
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Quote from: Cindy on December 29, 2017, 02:46:03 AM
Hon, Never worry about the past nothing can change it. Fight for every second of now and plan and live for the future. The past is immaterial.
Live your life and love it.
When I came out to a friend of mine, he told me a story to illustrate exactly that point:
Imagine you're sitting in your car facing forward. In front of you there's a huge windshield and a tiny mirror.
Looking through the windshield you see what's in front of you - the future. In the mirror you see what's behind - your past.
The sizes of the two views represent their relative importance to your life.
Acknowledge your past, but embrace that beautiful panoramic view in front of you, and keep moving forward.
- Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 29, 2017, 06:07:08 AM
When I came out to a friend of mine, he told me a story to illustrate exactly that point:
Imagine you're sitting in your car facing forward. In front of you there's a huge windshield and a tiny mirror.
Looking through the windshield you see what's in front of you - the future. In the mirror you see what's behind - your past.
The sizes of the two views represent their relative importance to your life.
Acknowledge your past, but embrace that beautiful panoramic view in front of you, and keep moving forward.
- Stephanie
This is making me tear up at the coffee shop im in right now [emoji22] such a beautiful story and I think hrt is working just fine for me this morning lol
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I found my old posts from here, from way back in 2006... its from my old account..... im now 31 *sigh*
Quote from: christy-lee on May 09, 2006, 09:50:07 AM
hi people my name is christy-lee i am a m-f transgender who has not come out of the closet yet, i am 19 years old and have had this feeling most of my life no one knows that i am transgender, and i have not started the operation or hormones yet but once i come out of the closet i will
i have told my cousin that i am biesexual, and she took it ok, and this girl i met on the internet (who lives close to me) knows fully about me wanting to be fem but thats as close as ive got
oh yeh im from australia :)
Quote from: christy-lee on May 11, 2006, 07:45:32 PM
yeh i would gladly switch places with u :)
ive known pretty much all my life but only really smart enough to realise what i knew at 13ish
well i knew around about 15 actually because 2 years before that i spent wanting to be female for a guy and i found how natural it for me as a female
was he was bi curious so so we were together for awhile but he broke it off :(
Was chatting with a ftm heh
Me trying to figure sh!t out, i now realize it wasnt just for that guy, i was using him as an excuse to think about it.. or atleast give myself permission to think about it? idk ...., also i feel like im alot more secure about it then i was back then, well kind of yes and no
I know im def not Bisexual...
The scale. Up 10 pounds from last year, 15 from my lowest of 2017. I always eat too much of thev holiday treats but avoided the weight bump last year. Too many lame excuses not to get to the gym to keep it under control this year I guess.
If there's any good in this, my pants still fit so I guess its going to the right places now.
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Quote from: TonyaW on December 29, 2017, 10:46:52 AM
The scale. Up 10 pounds from last year, 15 from my lowest of 2017. I always eat too much of thev holiday treats but avoided the weight bump last year. Too many lame excuses not to get to the gym to keep it under control this year I guess.
If there's any good in this, my pants still fit so I guess its going to the right places now.
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I'm terrified to weigh myself right now. Between Thanksgiving, my emotional hit around late nov/early dec waiting on hormones, then non stop Christmas related stuff, and now a New Years thing... God, I'll count it a win if I only put back on less than 10 pounds.
Quote from: TonyaW on December 29, 2017, 10:46:52 AM
The scale. Up 10 pounds from last year, 15 from my lowest of 2017. I always eat too much of thev holiday treats but avoided the weight bump last year. Too many lame excuses not to get to the gym to keep it under control this year I guess.
If there's any good in this, my pants still fit so I guess its going to the right places now.
Scale says I gained 5 pounds with all the big dinners & eating out I did in the last couple weeks. For good or ill, I STILL feel full. That might actually be a bit of the bug that's been going around town, though.
The POS who was tormenting the learning disabled guy & his carer yesterday kicked a homeless guy in the face as he walked past.
Work was atrocious today. Seriously, can they put me on with someone other than the guy with an IQ of 80? If we are understaffed to begin with I can't spend all day babysitting my coworker.
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Amber I'm right there with you hun I took every chance to run out of work even without my coat on. Had a random guy in the lobby at my job ask me "where you going? Are you leaving?"
Like it's none of your business!! I don't know why it annoys me. Yet I'm single and not really too thrilled about that either. What's wrong with me?
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After work I met my sister at my grandmother's house. My grandmother passed away on easter and her house finally sold and tomorrow is the closing. we've gone a few times recently and hung out but tonight was our absolute last chance. She brought her dog and we were in the bedroom where my grandma died and the dog got all sad and started to whimper. at one point my sister took her dog outside and I was all alone in that house possibly for the first time ever. I tried to feel some spiritual connection to it but it just wasn't there, i was really hoping to feel my grandmother's presence and I didn't and I think I realized that her being there is what made it special. Then when we were about to leave we stepped out into the back room and I said "this was always my favorite room" and that's when I started to lose it. I got choked up and shed a few tears. Then once I got out to my car I just broke down crying, I think I cried harder tonight than I did on the day of her funeral!
I still haven't told my sister about me yet but I want to soon. A couple weeks ago I decided that the house wasn't the place to tell her about it, it didn't seem right, but I want to tell her within the next 3 weeks. For a while I thought she was suspecting something but then I made a comment last night about how it hurt to shave yesterday because my skin was so bad because of how cold it's been the last couple days and she said I just shouldn't shave then. I told her I didn't want a beard and then changed the subject lol
Monster tooth ache from the bad place :P and I forgot to pick up some Oragel at the store earlier :eusa_doh:
Sounds like the name of a horror movie "Monster Toothache from the Bad Place".
Hope it gets better thar Ms Clint Eastwoodette :)
My work shorted my pay by 30 hours 15 of them are time and a half so mad can not figure out how they can not add and the people that can sign a cheque are on vacation
The horror gets even better :-\ When I put my glasses on to watch TV I noticed that one of the lenses has gone missing... Ugh!!!
OK, I'm not complaining -- or, if I am, I have only myself to blame -- but I fell off the diet wagon yesterday. I've lost a lot of weight since March, I hit my target weight (finally!) about 10 days ago ... but there is a transitioning period back to maintenance level calorie intake, during which I continue to lose weight, but gain it back. End-of-diet weight gain is frustrating, but unavoidable. I want to *stay* at or below my target.
So, yesterday, I had a few drinks, ate popcorn (which I love) and some candy and raisins -- not much -- that were lying around. All-in-all, I think I consumed about 500 calories more than my maintenance level -- enough to gain maybe one-sixth of a pound -- which was, nonetheless, about 1600 more than I was supposed to, on the program. My weight shot up past my target (water retention). I know it will come back down again; but it's still a bummer to look at the scales and see the number I saw when I got up today.
Quote from: AnnMarie2017 on January 03, 2018, 02:10:33 AM
OK, I'm not complaining -- or, if I am, I have only myself to blame -- but I fell off the diet wagon yesterday. I've lost a lot of weight since March, I hit my target weight (finally!) about 10 days ago ... but there is a transitioning period back to maintenance level calorie intake, during which I continue to lose weight, but gain it back. End-of-diet weight gain is frustrating, but unavoidable. I want to *stay* at or below my target.
So, yesterday, I had a few drinks, ate popcorn (which I love) and some candy and raisins -- not much -- that were lying around. All-in-all, I think I consumed about 500 calories more than my maintenance level -- enough to gain maybe one-sixth of a pound -- which was, nonetheless, about 1600 more than I was supposed to, on the program. My weight shot up past my target (water retention). I know it will come back down again; but it's still a bummer to look at the scales and see the number I saw when I got up today.
I hit my goal like 2 or 3 weeks ago and I've been cheating ever since because of all the food around for the holidays, I'm terrified to weigh myself again! I think I'm going to weigh in on friday, I've been eating better this week
Just when I thought I was getting ahead cra hit me with a $1115 bill for income tax
Mean CRA, mean!
Quote from: Maddie86 on January 03, 2018, 04:46:02 AM
I hit my goal like 2 or 3 weeks ago and I've been cheating ever since because of all the food around for the holidays, I'm terrified to weigh myself again! I think I'm going to weigh in on friday, I've been eating better this week
I'm right there with you. I am trying to eat better now, but damn, this season sucks for the diet.
Bari Jo
VM - Cyclops glasses, woooooo.
Your comment reminded me that I need to start looking at new frames.
What makes me unhappy is the fact that I worry a lot about my future and ability to live as a woman, and I can't for the life of me put this into words, not even to my partner. So I'm in a situation where I somehow have to accept this emotional chaos going on in my head and try not to worry myself to death (quite literally so).
Arguing with some silly woman at the bank that I don't WANT any note on my file stating my former name/gender even though she INSISTED it would 'prevent problems in the future!' and that it was 'for my own good!'
..I'm gonna call the bank tomorrow and speak to someone else to have it removed.
The drain pipe for our washing machine is clogged and dumped water all over the floor. Wife is helpless about it. Guess it's good I had years of guyness to know how to deal with this kind of situation. All I wanted to do tonight was my nails. 2018 is not starting well.
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Oh gheeeze Amber,
What a mess to clean up after clearing the drain. What a pita. Don't break those nails they are hard to get to grow back.
Hugs,
Laurie
No broken nails, but I did somehow manage to scrape a knuckle unclearing the drain, plus having to run to Lowe's for a snake. Just bleh. I was washing the bedding so now I will have somewhere to sleep tonight once I get things run through. And my nails still aren't done. Had gels on and they need to soak off. I was in the middle of that process when this went down. So I have one hand sans polish and he other with it still on.
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Quote from: Cali on January 03, 2018, 01:01:30 PM
VM - Cyclops glasses, woooooo.
Your comment reminded me that I need to start looking at new frames.
Yeah, other than the headache and nausea I guess it's not too bad and besides my toothache was lonely and needed some companionship
The only thing I'm really concerned with is the cost as I have a somewhat expensive prescription and it is really bad timing to have to deal with this right now
Just when I think I got rid of a cold it come's back turbo charged dialled up to 12. Dripping with snot, coughing up greenys & a voice like I gargle with rusty razor blades in battery acid
My cellphone was stolen. I'm gonna have to buy a new one and I really don't want to spend that money, it's money I don't really have, but I have to buy another one, I can't be without a phone...Will have to use my credit card. Saddest part is that I'm still paying for the stolen one. Ugh.
I'm hunkered down waiting out the east coast blizzard. Thursday is my busiest day and I'm missing out on 8 hours of client time that I won't get paid for.
If that weren't enough Randi and our son, Clayton, are on the South Carolina/Georgia border trying to get to Florida. Those folks down there are un-educated about snow and don't really have the right tools anyway. I'm not sure they'll get down there in time for our niece's wedding. A least I can follow their progress on Google Maps.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on January 04, 2018, 08:18:34 AM
I'm hunkered down waiting out the east coast blizzard. Thursday is my busiest day and I'm missing out on 8 hours of client time that I won't get paid for.
If that weren't enough Randi and our son, Clayton, are on the South Carolina/Georgia border trying to get to Florida. Those folks down there are un-educated about snow and don't really have the right tools anyway.
I was just about to say the power going out (and not staying on for more than a few minutes at a time today) down here in se GA due to ice storm (not even snow, just ice) was making me unhappy. It's true, we don't know what we're doing with the cold stuff and no one has the right anything. I'm freezing in weather that most people wouldn't think twice about because I straight up don't own any clothes meant for sub 60 degree weather. ;D
Seriously though, this is a disaster where I am. There is still so many damaged trees from the hurricane in sept, that the ice is weighing down everything and bringing the weakened branches and entire trees down all over the place. Fortunately the worst is over and it isnt expected to rain again.
Quote from: Roll on January 04, 2018, 12:35:37 PM
I was just about to say the power going out (and not staying on for more than a few minutes at a time today) down here in se GA due to ice storm (not even snow, just ice) was making me unhappy. It's true, we don't know what we're doing with the cold stuff and no one has the right anything. I'm freezing in weather that most people wouldn't think twice about because I straight up don't own any clothes meant for sub 60 degree weather. ;D
Seriously though, this is a disaster where I am. There is still so many damaged trees from the hurricane in sept, that the ice is weighing down everything and bringing the weakened branches and entire trees down all over the place. Fortunately the worst is over and it isnt expected to rain again.
Please don't think I was criticizing. There's no real reason for you folks to have the materials OR the knowledge. This is far beyond "once in a blue moon" territory. Let's hope it stays that way.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on January 04, 2018, 02:28:10 PM
Please don't think I was criticizing. There's no real reason for you folks to have the materials OR the knowledge. This is far beyond "once in a blue moon" territory. Let's hope it stays that way.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Oh, I didn't think that. :D It's totally true though no one how to deal with it. I think some people learned their lesson in 2014 (the storm that shut down Atlanta that wouldn't even be a snow day elsewhere), but not enough. My step-brother works night shift at a local hotel and they were packed with residents panicing over every little thing. My dad is maybe one of three people who even has a generator in the area..
Had my beer goggles on, left a bar with Pierce Brosnan & woke up with Shane McGowan
I heard that IPA's don't give you old people visions :)
Been trying IPA but there's not many authentic ones around today
Big in Long Beach, Houston, don't know about Vegas yet.
this morning on the way to work I ran over a bunny and then at work I smashed my hand and I dropped my phone and cracked the screen :(
I had a call from My father today so say my Aunt is in an induced coma and despite the treatment 2 weeks ago the tumour has now spread to her bowel and is growing rapidly. She only has fleeting moments of consciousness none of which seem to be coherent. She is dying and I can only hope it is now swift and takes her quickly. I would be surprised if she makes it through the next few days...She has a special place in my heart and I am incredibly fond of her and certainly wish her no harm only peace....Bad news is always difficult to hear but being addressed as "fella" and "Mate" just make for another layer of hurt.
I am so very sorry to hear of this Liz :'(
*Big Hugs*
Quote from: ElizabethK on January 05, 2018, 01:54:27 AM
I had a call from My father today so say my Aunt is in an induced coma and despite the treatment 2 weeks ago the tumour has now spread to her bowel and is growing rapidly. She only has fleeting moments of consciousness none of which seem to be coherent. She is dying and I can only hope it is now swift and takes her quickly. I would be surprised if she makes it through the next few days...She has a special place in my heart and I am incredibly fond of her and certainly wish her no harm only peace....Bad news is always difficult to hear but being addressed as "fella" and "Mate" just make for another layer of hurt.
My deepest sympathies for you and your family
Shaving
Getting Sun burnt
this is a bit odd. I am not really unhappy today. I've been feeling pretty good. The odd thought keep popping in though, spoils the mood for a bit, then it moves on. So it doesn't ruin my mood, it just interrupts it.
the thought? Sadly it the thought that I am pretending, faking my way though. That I'm just a guy that wants an excuse to wear/do girly things so I'm convincing myself that there's more to it. When the thought hits, I don't feel like a girl at all. I feel like a poser, lying to myself and to the people that I care about.
Then the thought flitters away and I'm back to being comfortable and upbeat. weird.
Quote from: Faith on January 05, 2018, 07:33:27 AM
this is a bit odd. I am not really unhappy today. I've been feeling pretty good. The odd thought keep popping in though, spoils the mood for a bit, then it moves on. So it doesn't ruin my mood, it just interrupts it.
the thought? Sadly it the thought that I am pretending, faking my way though. That I'm just a guy that wants an excuse to wear/do girly things so I'm convincing myself that there's more to it. When the thought hits, I don't feel like a girl at all. I feel like a poser, lying to myself and to the people that I care about.
Then the thought flitters away and I'm back to being comfortable and upbeat. weird.
Very much this for me too.
Quote from: Faith on January 05, 2018, 07:33:27 AM
this is a bit odd. I am not really unhappy today. I've been feeling pretty good. The odd thought keep popping in though, spoils the mood for a bit, then it moves on. So it doesn't ruin my mood, it just interrupts it.
the thought? Sadly it the thought that I am pretending, faking my way though. That I'm just a guy that wants an excuse to wear/do girly things so I'm convincing myself that there's more to it. When the thought hits, I don't feel like a girl at all. I feel like a poser, lying to myself and to the people that I care about.
Then the thought flitters away and I'm back to being comfortable and upbeat. weird.
I had that, eventually it ceased. I hope it does for you (and Roll).
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Both of the football teams I support went out of the FA Cup this weekend, to teams in lower divisions. I went to the Aston Villa game yesterday to see us get knocked out by Peterborough, and Arsenal lost 4-2 to Nottingham Forest :-\.
Could be worse Sinead I follow West Ham & Blackpool
You don't have real football. None of your players kneel to the flag or song :)
I have a good friend who is one of those extremely rare truly good people. Super supportive of my transition, let me crash at his place while I was down visiting doctors for FFS consults, has my girlfriend and I over for thanksgiving, and has been a great friend for about 20 years.
According to another friend of mine he was needing a bit of "distraction or cheering up" today. I thought maybe this was due to he and his wife having a hard time with getting pregnant or something (she has PCOS).
Not even close.
Stage 4 colon cancer. Tomorrow morning they're taking out a minimum of 4" of colon, probably his gall bladder, a pile of lymph nodes, and a chunk of liver where there appears to be a metastasis. Then 6 months minimum of chemotherapy. The poor guy isn't even 40.
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on January 07, 2018, 07:58:46 PM
I have a good friend who is one of those extremely rare truly good people. Super supportive of my transition, let me crash at his place while I was down visiting doctors for FFS consults, has my girlfriend and I over for thanksgiving, and has been a great friend for about 20 years.
According to another friend of mine he was needing a bit of "distraction or cheering up" today. I thought maybe this was due to he and his wife having a hard time with getting pregnant or something (she has PCOS).
Not even close.
Stage 4 colon cancer. Tomorrow morning they're taking out a minimum of 4" of colon, probably his gall bladder, a pile of lymph nodes, and a chunk of liver where there appears to be a metastasis. Then 6 months minimum of chemotherapy. The poor guy isn't even 40.
My heart just sank :'( Be sure to let him know that people are thinking about him and hoping for him to pull through
Add me to that list of those rooting for him. Tell him there is hope. I've had cancer 3 time now and have been told it is going to kill me in a few months twice. The next time probably will. The most recent was over 3 years ago. Don't lose hope.
Hugs,
Laurie
Randi texted me that she lost her pocketbook with her credit and debit cards and $200 in cash. She's in Florida with our son and isn't due back here until next weekend. Hopefully a) the pocketbook turns up mostly intact, b) her friend who she's visiting this weekend can float her a loan, or c) our son can. If none of.that pans out I'll have to try to get money to her tomorrow after I get paid. That .may mean that the electric bill doesn't get paid and potentially gets turned off.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
I have the flu and an ear infection, so I can neither sleep nor stand up well.
Also wanting payday so I can send off for virtual ffs
Bleeding. I'm so tempted just to rip those bits out of my body. I bloke down in tears earlier
Really creepy sinister guy trying to chat me up in supermarket. If I'm not posting I'll be hanging from a meathook in a lock up!
Would send Seal Team XI to rescue you but you removed your chip and we don't have a clue as to where you are?
LOL, I'll probably still be in Blackpool, they tend to strike near to where they live!
Quote from: big kim on January 08, 2018, 02:09:17 PM
Really creepy sinister guy trying to chat me up in supermarket. If I'm not posting I'll be hanging from a meathook in a lock up!
Maybe a scout for the English cricket team?
Run away!!
I was allowed to bowl underarm at school! I found cricket as much fun as a visit to the dentist
Quote from: big kim on January 08, 2018, 03:59:47 PM
I was allowed to bowl underarm at school! I found cricket as much fun as a visit to the dentist
Same here, my idea of sports was to find a place to hide and still is.
Feeling alone, and lonely today pretty depressed in general TBH
The thought of always being alone feels pretty real to me
Quote from: Christy Lee on January 09, 2018, 04:34:50 AM
Feeling alone, and lonely today pretty depressed in general TBH
The thought of always being alone feels pretty real to me
Hi Christy, I feel you there
I often feel rather lonely and depressed
But hey, open your eyes and look around you
You are not alone, you have a whole world of friends right at your fingertips
Just start talking to folks, you can talk to me if you like
Hugs
Quote from: V M on January 09, 2018, 08:43:29 PM
Hi Christy, I feel you there
I often feel rather lonely and depressed
But hey, open your eyes and look around you
You are not alone, you have a whole world of friends right at your fingertips
Just start talking to folks, you can talk to me if you like
Hugs
Thank you, im feeling abit better, still kinda feel that, just less insecure about it as i was when i posted ^^ have been overthinking things
Thanks for the kind words :) hugs
basically being called an idiot today with a project I spent time on doing, which is making me wanting to give up that project all together.
WARNING: rant about to happen.
Ugh. Words from one of those friends I might have to commute to a non-friend. One of those camp gay guys who thinks it's cool and funny to be a grown adult who makes snide comments about overweight women, ugly women, lesbians, enbies, camp straight men, trans women, and myriad other groups who haven't received the enormous bunk-up the gays have in the last twenty years. You know, them. Thinks "gay" is a personality. It was okay when he was 17, now he's 23.
So he's got a history of trans-bashing. When I came out, he was basically okay and tried to do the pronouns. Complained about my name because it's his sister's name (for the record, I literally considered that, she's Jen and I'm Jenny, but apparently she used to be Jenny, and so sod it, I sometimes use Jen). Then this stupid facebook exchange happened (CW: extreme Britishness):
him: Does anyone else watch the voice?
me: Yeah. I liked how there was a lesbian on, but it was only briefly mentioned, rather than dwelt upon.
him: Yeah I thought so too! It wasn't like, BECAUSE I'M A FANNY LICKA
me: #some lesbians have dicks
him: do they? [bearing in mind he %^&*ing knows I'm a trans woman!!!!!]
me:...yes, if they're trans
him: [backpedalling] I actually didn't say they had fannies, just fanny lickers
well that's an awkward silence
*stupid bloody selfie [he's self obsessed]*
me: yeah dave, so as you well know, the last thing I said was in response to "do they?" not in response to "fanny lickas", which I actually found pretty funny. But since you're determined to carry on being trans-exclusionary and see me as having no sense of humour, whatever xx
him: I've never even heard the word trans exclusionary. But thanks for that.
SO if anyone read all that, which I don't expect......yes, he has a view of me as having no sense of humour, because I don't laugh at his jokes, which are mostly based on slut-shaming, fat-shaming, trans-shaming, general white privileged gay trash stuff. "I've never heard that word before" was his way of saying that excluding me and others like me was okay and didn't even warrant a word for it. Same thing as the UK media refusing to accept "cisgender" as a word.
I don't know. I'd just seen a nice tumblr post saying "This is just your friendly daily reminder that some lesbians have dicks"....and that made me feel nice.....and he just defecated all over that. Thoughtless, self-obsessed, arrogant, pathetic, childish, disloyal, misogynistic, privileged, transphobic, unintelligent, vain bloody queen.
J xx
Jenny it's wankers like that ( & the crappy music!) why I spend so little time on the gay scene!
Quote from: Jenny94 on January 10, 2018, 10:03:42 PM
WARNING: rant about to happen.
Ugh. Words from one of those friends I might have to commute to a non-friend. One of those camp gay guys who thinks it's cool and funny to be a grown adult who makes snide comments about overweight women, ugly women, lesbians, enbies, camp straight men, trans women, and myriad other groups who haven't received the enormous bunk-up the gays have in the last twenty years. You know, them. Thinks "gay" is a personality. It was okay when he was 17, now he's 23.
So he's got a history of trans-bashing. When I came out, he was basically okay and tried to do the pronouns. Complained about my name because it's his sister's name (for the record, I literally considered that, she's Jen and I'm Jenny, but apparently she used to be Jenny, and so sod it, I sometimes use Jen). Then this stupid facebook exchange happened (CW: extreme Britishness):
him: Does anyone else watch the voice?
me: Yeah. I liked how there was a lesbian on, but it was only briefly mentioned, rather than dwelt upon.
him: Yeah I thought so too! It wasn't like, BECAUSE I'M A FANNY LICKA
me: #some lesbians have dicks
him: do they? [bearing in mind he %^&*ing knows I'm a trans woman!!!!!]
me:...yes, if they're trans
him: [backpedalling] I actually didn't say they had fannies, just fanny lickers
well that's an awkward silence
*stupid bloody selfie [he's self obsessed]*
me: yeah dave, so as you well know, the last thing I said was in response to "do they?" not in response to "fanny lickas", which I actually found pretty funny. But since you're determined to carry on being trans-exclusionary and see me as having no sense of humour, whatever xx
him: I've never even heard the word trans exclusionary. But thanks for that.
SO if anyone read all that, which I don't expect......yes, he has a view of me as having no sense of humour, because I don't laugh at his jokes, which are mostly based on slut-shaming, fat-shaming, trans-shaming, general white privileged gay trash stuff. "I've never heard that word before" was his way of saying that excluding me and others like me was okay and didn't even warrant a word for it. Same thing as the UK media refusing to accept "cisgender" as a word.
I don't know. I'd just seen a nice tumblr post saying "This is just your friendly daily reminder that some lesbians have dicks"....and that made me feel nice.....and he just defecated all over that. Thoughtless, self-obsessed, arrogant, pathetic, childish, disloyal, misogynistic, privileged, transphobic, unintelligent, vain bloody queen.
J xx
I might be missing something but I don't see the offense in that conversation? Sure, he completely missed the point you were trying to make but it doesn't sound like he was trying to offend you. Also, if he used the word "c*ck-suckers" to describe lesbians it would not work at all lol. Don't shoot me but I think you are overreacting :embarrassed:
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on January 11, 2018, 09:05:14 AM
I might be missing something but I don't see the offense in that conversation? Sure, he completely missed the point you were trying to make but it doesn't sound like he was trying to offend you. Also, if he used the word "c*ck-suckers" to describe lesbians it would not work at all lol. Don't shoot me but I think you are overreacting :embarrassed:
You're right, I looked back over that before I posted it and I thought "looks like I'm overreacting, but sod it, I'm having my rant". Take it in the context of his years of passive transphobia and this as a straw on the camel's back type thing....
And yes Kim! Haha.
J xx
:police: Let's try to watch the language girls, veiled profanity does not bandage a potty mouth and just makes a person look immature not to mention that it violates the ToS
Thank you
V M
Heard back from the only place locally that does laser. They only have the laser once a month, and the Jan day is booked solid. Feb 23rd is their next day, but I have both heavy school (midterms) as well as my HRT followup (same day) so I can't really do that. In other words, I'm screwed until the end of march to even start hair removal locally, leaving me only with the option of driving an hour and a half (then back while in pain) while I have no reliable access to a car and am still not comfortable driving period, much less on the highway I'd have to take without adding an extra 30 minutes on backroads I don't know even as a passenger.
Very disheartened by this, I was even willing to pay what would have been a huge premium for the local convenience... but I can't wait until the end of March to even start. Was hoping to do a few expensive appointments here, then after a time or two if i was more comfortable driving and everything else do the cheaper options.
Sarah/Coldheart is closing her Facebook account; and I didn't get to properly say good bye to her. :icon_cry2:
I'm going to miss our chats. I hope she finds what she needs, and that she is well.
@Coldheart: Remember, wherever your path may lead, I will always consider you a friend; and that I will always chat with you. Good luck my friend, and though we may part, a piece of you will always remain in my heart. Till we meet again!
The Gender Therapist i had all picked out and was ready to see, she met all the criteria in what i was looking for in a psychologist... retired, she is still on the website cus there in the process of restructuring it...
*sigh*
Quote from: Christy Lee on January 12, 2018, 01:10:26 AM
The Gender Therapist i had all picked out and was ready to see, she met all the criteria in what i was looking for in a psychologist... retired, she is still on the website cus there in the process of restructuring it...
*sigh*
Fret not...
Something like this happened to me as well, the person I was seeing retired, but then I met another therapist who turned out to be a much better match for me and stepped things up a bit
Thing is, i hadnt even seen or met her yet, i only rang to make my first appointment and they told me over the phone she had left which i assume meant retired because she is an older lady, and i could see no other Gender Therapist in the practice where she was working, there is another place i know but its further away *sigh*
The property mgmt in their fine wisdom announced that our cable TV contract is being cancelled and we have a little over a month to turn in all of our cable boxes, cords and remotes >:(
I don't actually watch a lot of television but there are a few programs I do enjoy
Anyway it's just one more pisser in the basket since this Fill in the Blank: ____________________________ mgmt co. took over the facility
I feel for you V.M. we have the apartment complex sold to a new owner who hired a _________ management company too. They have changed a number of things around here such as requiring renter's insurance. They've also have come up with various rules that they threaten 50 fines for. I've had 2 warnings myself. One for a messy back porch and the other for trash on the front door access way. For the porch I took pictures and went to the office and was told there was not problem and that they didn't know why I got the warning because my apartment was not on her list. What was the trash? A box and a package the mailman delivered. I've been here 12 -14 years and I think this will be the last. Oh if I move to another 3 bedroom so they can renovate this one will cost me another $300/mo plus a new deposit.
Sounds like the same Dracula er, mgmt co. They want a $300 deposit for just about anything and everything
I'm surprised they haven't installed pay toilets in our own personal units yet :(
Quote from: V M on January 12, 2018, 09:32:26 PM
Sounds like the same Dracula er, mgmt co. They want a $300 deposit for just about anything and everything
I'm surprised they haven't installed pay toilets in our own personal units yet :(
VM,
From the looks of your washtub they're probably waiting for the electrician?
Quote from: Cali on January 12, 2018, 09:44:26 PM
VM,
From the looks of your washtub they're probably waiting for the electrician?
We have basic facilities LOL... l just found this avatar pic. to be somewhat amusing
But the lack of privacy and the constant harassment including that of a sexual nature tend to be a bit off putting
After nearly 13 years here at my same address, I really just wish I could afford to move somewhere else
Quote from: V M on January 12, 2018, 10:23:27 PM
We have basic facilities LOL... l just found this avatar pic. to be somewhat amusing
But the lack of privacy and the constant harassment including that of a sexual nature tend to be a bit off putting
After nearly 13 years here at my same address, I really just wish I could afford to move somewhere else
Oh, so the bathtub isn't your's? Okay. May I ask which State you live in? I'm in Nevada since October last year and 4 year in Texas prior to that.
I'm up a bit north of you
Totally kewl
I watched a 3d video of Facial Feminization Surgery
Frak me, thats terrifying
Quote from: Christy Lee on January 14, 2018, 07:41:14 AM
I watched a 3d video of Facial Feminization Surgery
Frak me, thats terrifying
Oh, yeah, that was a terrible idea. ;D
In my recent quest to reassure myself about post op SRS results looking realistic I have viewed far too many mid and immediately post surgery pictures by mistake. It is... not heartening.
By the same token, I haven't exactly been unhappy about a lot of what I've found, but I'm certainly not happy with it either... (and wasn't really today so kind of cheating) I've felt more and more like my long term is going to end up with the full range of surgeries, and it scares me. Not just the surgery itself, but the hit and miss nature of so many of the results. I'm trying to tell myself that a lot of that is people going for the cheaper surgeries in Thailand or India, since those are usually where the pictures are from, but it doesn't help the fear.
Well my best friend a girl that I have been seeing for 9 plus years, (she is married) Cried to me about my changes that she misses (MY NAME) she misses my voice the way I looked the way i was with here that she will Never be able to call me by my name or hear my voice again. I have explained to her that I am pretty much the same person but she is right. The problem is I really do love here so much and I know she loves me. She says she wants me to be happy and she said that her reasons where selfish, I so hate hurting her she said she cried because I went on a date she wished it could have been her I know that she does love me I know that she is grieving, I just feel so bad that I am hurting her like this again, years ago she asked me to be with her and I said no. At that time I did not think I was good enough for her and now I am hurting her again no matter what I do I hurt her. I know we just want the best for each other I have told her every plan I was making for my transition and let her be part of it I asked her if she wanted me to stop telling her and she said no that she would feel left out. I am just so confused and crying most of the night I dont know what to do. We both know that our relationship was not "right" as when we started we were both "taken" we just spent hours and hours at work together and it was like a magnet we attracted each other immediately and never let go. I told her that no matter what I want her as my best friend.
My work colleagues were talking about the gym and I made a Simpsons references 'gyme? What's a gyme? Oh, a gyme!' & no-one understood it and called me weird, which I am *shrugs shoulders*
Pretty down on myself tonight
Irritated more than unhappy. Happened yesterday, completely petty and isn't a big deal, but OCD got ahold of it and now I can't let it go. This is completely worthless and I really shouldn't post it probably but venting is venting, little or big. ;D
So yesterday, my step brother asked if I wanted to grab lunch. I was struck by the intense desire for chili cheese fries (one of my personal top foods of all time from childhood, which I don't dare make at home anymore because of portion control issues), so we went to literally the only place around here with chili cheese fries, Larry's subs. They aren't great, people like them, not really sure why, I think their sandwiches except for the Cuban are pretty bad(but I do love the Cuban). But yet they have really good chili cheese fries. So I get there, and look up and see the entire menu board is new. Completely rebuilt, looks really nice with like a natural wood bordering, easier to read, etc. I mention it to the guy behind the counter we kind of know from going there, and ask if its just a new board or if the menu has actually changed any. He said "Same menu. Oh, wait, no, we took one thing off I guess." I panicked and asked "It wasn't the Cuban was it?!". My step brother just looked at me like I was and idiot and pointed out the giant posters everywhere advertising one sandwich and one sandwich alone, the Cuban. So yeah. I was relieved. Hes done ordering, so I go up to the register to order and ask for the chili cheese fries. "Oh, we don't have those anymore." I was so taken by surprise for some reason I didn't even order the Cuban. I just sort of pouted, and went and sat down and ate nothing.
There are only a tiny handful of places here that aren't super expensive (whole summer home-tourist environment), with literally only like 4 fast food places on the entire island (two of which are burger king and mcdonalds which I can't stand). I don't get a lot of variety eating out. It's pretty much just Chick-Fil-A and Subway on an infinite time loop, with a pizza thrown in every other week if I don't get invited somewhere by my dad and step mom (who then pick up the tab). To have something taken out of the equation like that is just super disheartening, particularly since I now I have no outlet for one of my three big comfort foods (mac and cheese, pizza, chili cheese fries). So yeah. Irritated.
Quote from: Sinead on January 15, 2018, 06:10:00 AM
My work colleagues were talking about the gym and I made a Simpsons references 'gyme? What's a gyme? Oh, a gyme!' & no-one understood it and called me weird, which I am *shrugs shoulders*
They are just uncultured swine. Classic Simpsons references should be taught in schools.
Quote from: Sinead on January 15, 2018, 06:10:00 AM
My work colleagues were talking about the gym and I made a Simpsons references 'gyme? What's a gyme? Oh, a gyme!' & no-one understood it and called me weird, which I am *shrugs shoulders*
I make obscure references all the time, and end up having to explain them. Mine are mostly Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes though (which also often sub-reference a multitude of other things). I should really stop trying to explain them.... Everyone already
thinks knows I'm weird.
Can't shake this cold off
Quote from: big kim on January 15, 2018, 04:11:10 PM
Can't shake this cold off
There's a whiskey cure for the cold.
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 15, 2018, 09:40:40 AM
I make obscure references all the time, and end up having to explain them. Mine are mostly Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes though (which also often sub-reference a multitude of other things). I should really stop trying to explain them.... Everyone already thinks knows I'm weird.
As a big Binge watcher
IM someone who likes to make obscure references to film or tv shows even video games, and usually no one get it
I also like characters more who do the same thing LOL Like Mack from Agents of Shield or Cisco from The Flash
Quote from: Christy Lee on January 15, 2018, 04:27:06 PM
As a big Binge watcher
IM someone who likes to make obscure references to film or tv shows even video games, and usually no one get it
I also like characters more who do the same thing LOL Like Mack from Agents of Shield or Cisco from The Flash
It is 99% of the dialogue in Psych, the greatest show of all time.
Anywho, this is actually going to be on topic!
I mentioned it in my thread for a second, but I just got invited to go get pizza. Where's the unhappy you ask? Well, I have royally sucked on my diet lately. I did so good today, only about 500 calories for lunch and it was well balanced. No snacking or splurging, nothin'. I was getting ready to put a frozen dinner in the microwave (portion control) when I was asked. I was happy, but now while waiting to go I am getting down on myself... What happened to my self control? I have lost so much weight, why for the past months can't I seem to get ahold of myself? I eat, and eat, and eat, and everytime I do right I immediately mess it up. And sure, i could order something light and lower calorie. But I know me. I'm not going to. I'm planning to, but the second I get there and I see that menu something is going to give. And there's no just one or two slices, once I eat it a bit, that's that, I eat it all. One whole pizza later I just want to curl up and die.
I'm getting very irritated with myself over it, all I want to do is get the weight off for the sake of my future, just like transitioning itself, but I keep sabotaging myself. (Not to mention devouring a whole pizza isn't exactly ladylike.)
Quote from: Roll on January 15, 2018, 05:34:02 PM
It is 99% of the dialogue in Psych, the greatest show of all time.
Anywho, this is actually going to be on topic!
I mentioned it in my thread for a second, but I just got invited to go get pizza. Where's the unhappy you ask? Well, I have royally sucked on my diet lately. I did so good today, only about 500 calories for lunch and it was well balanced. No snacking or splurging, nothin'. I was getting ready to put a frozen dinner in the microwave (portion control) when I was asked. I was happy, but now while waiting to go I am getting down on myself... What happened to my self control? I have lost so much weight, why for the past months can't I seem to get ahold of myself? I eat, and eat, and eat, and everytime I do right I immediately mess it up. And sure, i could order something light and lower calorie. But I know me. I'm not going to. I'm planning to, but the second I get there and I see that menu something is going to give. And there's no just one or two slices, once I eat it a bit, that's that, I eat it all. One whole pizza later I just want to curl up and die.
I'm getting very irritated with myself over it, all I want to do is get the weight off for the sake of my future, just like transitioning itself, but I keep sabotaging myself. (Not to mention devouring a whole pizza isn't exactly ladylike.)
You go Girl! Then ride your super power generating exercise bike that powers your computer so you can tell us how great it was!
Quote from: Roll on January 15, 2018, 05:34:02 PM
It is 99% of the dialogue in Psych, the greatest show of all time.
Anywho, this is actually going to be on topic!
I mentioned it in my thread for a second, but I just got invited to go get pizza. Where's the unhappy you ask? Well, I have royally sucked on my diet lately. I did so good today, only about 500 calories for lunch and it was well balanced. No snacking or splurging, nothin'. I was getting ready to put a frozen dinner in the microwave (portion control) when I was asked. I was happy, but now while waiting to go I am getting down on myself... What happened to my self control? I have lost so much weight, why for the past months can't I seem to get ahold of myself? I eat, and eat, and eat, and everytime I do right I immediately mess it up. And sure, i could order something light and lower calorie. But I know me. I'm not going to. I'm planning to, but the second I get there and I see that menu something is going to give. And there's no just one or two slices, once I eat it a bit, that's that, I eat it all. One whole pizza later I just want to curl up and die.
I'm getting very irritated with myself over it, all I want to do is get the weight off for the sake of my future, just like transitioning itself, but I keep sabotaging myself. (Not to mention devouring a whole pizza isn't exactly ladylike.)
I've never seen Psych, not into procedurals ....... anyway
UMM i had Pizza last night, and also hot wings :s, i left 2 pieces of pizza tho does that count? LOL
I started thinking like that last night, im big and i want to lose weight so i can have a bikini body, then i was like we'll you have to come out as trans first to use that bikini body, and then you have to stop eating stuff like Pizza and Chocolate Icecream or youll always be the same.... really started to spiral.. OMG it was horrible
Quote from: Roll on January 15, 2018, 05:34:02 PM
I mentioned it in my thread for a second, but I just got invited to go get pizza. Where's the unhappy you ask? Well, I have royally sucked on my diet lately. I did so good today, only about 500 calories for lunch and it was well balanced. No snacking or splurging, nothin'. I was getting ready to put a frozen dinner in the microwave (portion control) when I was asked. I was happy, but now while waiting to go I am getting down on myself... What happened to my self control? I have lost so much weight, why for the past months can't I seem to get ahold of myself? I eat, and eat, and eat, and everytime I do right I immediately mess it up. And sure, i could order something light and lower calorie. But I know me. I'm not going to. I'm planning to, but the second I get there and I see that menu something is going to give. And there's no just one or two slices, once I eat it a bit, that's that, I eat it all. One whole pizza later I just want to curl up and die.
I'm getting very irritated with myself over it, all I want to do is get the weight off for the sake of my future, just like transitioning itself, but I keep sabotaging myself. (Not to mention devouring a whole pizza isn't exactly ladylike.)
I know how it is. If the opportunity for food comes, I go crazy. Especially if it's free. Like today, I needed to clean snow off my car & start it up & drive a bit (it's snowy & cold), so I figured 'hey, why not pick up some mexican food?'. So I did. I could have gotten a smaller meal.... I didn't. Ugh... Now to exercise!
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 15, 2018, 07:23:07 PM
I know how it is. If the opportunity for food comes, I go crazy. Especially if it's free. Like today, I needed to clean snow off my car & start it up & drive a bit (it's snowy & cold), so I figured 'hey, why not pick up some mexican food?'. So I did. I could have gotten a smaller meal.... I didn't. Ugh... Now to exercise!
Go for it Girl!
I just hate that I have no willpower when it comes to food. If I hermit myself away and no one gives me anything, I'm fine. I don't get actively hungry and go scrounging. But like just now, I got to the pizza place... somehow made myself order the salad(which, caesar so not exactly low cal, at least a lot lowER). Everyone else orders, and I just say at the end "oh, and can I get a slice of pepperoni?". At that point I'm still a little happy with myself. Just a slice, not too bad right? Well, turns out it was a massive slice that was at least 600 calories on its own if not more. And in fine form, I ate every bite. Oh, and it sucked. It sucked really bad, but I ate it anyway. That is the worst part, I didn't even enjoy it.
Another day's diet lost.
Quote from: Christy Lee on January 15, 2018, 06:59:28 PM
I've never seen Psych, not into procedurals ....... anyway
It's not really a procedural, it is pure comedy with absurdist mysteries. First episode is a little rough, way more serious tone than the rest of the series, but it is just a really great, charming show built on pop culture references. (Quick example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0iD5XJcBSA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0iD5XJcBSA) ;D)
I don't know if I feel female anymore. I definitely still don't feel male at all. I'm a bit sad I can't birth a baby. I remember it was something I loved watching on tv- people giving birth. My mother flipped out and made me change the channel when she caught me watching that show. I was a kid..
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Psych, the greatest show of all time.
This!! So true. Well, mostly
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Trying to pretend I'm not depressed or contemplating
Quote from: Cali on January 15, 2018, 04:14:47 PM
There's a whiskey cure for the cold.
Can't get on with whiskey despite having some Scots & Irish, tried it a few times though!
Quote from: V M on January 16, 2018, 01:40:01 AM
Trying to pretend I'm not depressed or contemplating
*hugs*
Dont be depressed
Quote from: V M on January 16, 2018, 01:40:01 AM
Trying to pretend I'm not depressed or contemplating
Hi V.M.
(((Hug))) That is a terrible state to be in but pretending isn't good either. You know I know something of how you feel. I'm here to talk to if it will help.
Hugs,
Laurie
What made me unhappy was that a little while ago I had this terrible feeling like "What are you doing, you can't keep this up" and this is probably the 2 or 3rd time it has happened. I think part is that I feel nothing is happening on the HRT and I'm being foolish.
But within 20-30 minutes I have completely forgotten the episode.
The funny thing is that I go look into the mirror and think I see myself more female.
Quote from: Cali on January 16, 2018, 03:49:04 PM
What made me unhappy was that a little while ago I had this terrible feeling like "What are you doing, you can't keep this up" and this is probably the 2 or 3rd time it has happened. I think part is that I feel nothing is happening on the HRT and I'm being foolish.
But within 20-30 minutes I have completely forgotten the episode.
The funny thing is that I go look into the mirror and think I see myself more female.
I do that a lot too. I get a random doubt, freak out over it for a second, then it all goes away and I wonder why I had the doubt.
Quote from: Roll on January 16, 2018, 03:53:11 PM
I do that a lot too. I get a random doubt, freak out over it for a second, then it all goes away and I wonder why I had the doubt.
Thank you El, I'm sorry that you have these experiences too but also grateful that it's not just me. While I've been on the HRT about 1/3 of what you've been on them, I feel that when things do start to change I'll have less of those, for lack of a better word, attacks.
Then maybe this all is just a part of the process that happens before changes begin????
I think a lot of folks go through the doubt process to some degree, I know I did and sometimes still do
Bear in mind that it takes at the least about a month before the HRT begins to really take effect
Everyone progresses differently so mostly it's all about patience
Quote from: V M on January 16, 2018, 05:04:25 PM
I think a lot of folks go through the doubt process to some degree, I know I did and sometimes still do
Bear in mind that it takes at the least about a month before the HRT begins to really take effect
Everyone progresses differently so mostly it's all about patience
Patience? If I had patients I'd be a doctor!!!!!
Just a little of my warped humor - thank you VM!
My dad cost me money today.
I work construction for the time being, I plan on getting out soon but I wanted to work another month or two before quitting so I can save up some good money. For the last 2 weeks I've been working with my dad at a school. Yesterday we got sent home after an hour and a half. It was -7 degrees and we were supposed to start working out on a roof but we didn't have enough materials for what we needed and also the forklift kept shutting off.
So last night my dad called me and said that he didn't hear anything from anyone about going in for today. I asked if he called and he said no and that the other 2 guys are the bosses and it's their job to call him and let us know if we were working or not today, so he said that he assumed that we weren't working. still, I told him that I really don't want to miss out on earning anymore money for the week so I told him to call and it sounded like he was going to. he calls me up at 5am today and told me to go back to bed because we weren't working. I thought nothing of it and tried to go back to sleep. then he texts me 3 hours later saying that he got a call from our boss at 7:30 because he wanted to know where we were. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WORK TODAY!!! I asked if our boss wanted us to still go in but I guess he didn't want us too. great.
This really pisses me off, I'm trying to save up money for an apartment, I could have earned $192 today before deductions, but no, my dad had to be a stubborn brat about things. This company isn't managed very well and honestly I think my dad was trying to make a point, I think he wanted to make our bosses look bad, but I think really it just made him look bad and it hurt me financially. I don't actually have my one boss's phone #, I plan on getting it tomorrow and if I ever have any questions I'm not even going to bother with my dad.
Maddie, that's a darn good reason to be unhappy.
Yesterday actually, went in to pick up my new glasses only to be told that they weren't in actually in yet :P Hopefully they'll be in soon, it's been a drag to be running around half deaf and blind all week
Quote from: V M on January 17, 2018, 07:07:27 AM
Yesterday actually, went in to pick up my new glasses only to be told that they weren't in actually in yet :P Hopefully they'll be in soon, it's been a drag to be running around half deaf and blind all week
If you go mute, you'll have to change your avatar to those three monkeys :(
I thought you were one of the monkeys LOL
Quote from: V M on January 17, 2018, 05:15:44 PM
I thought you were one of the monkeys LOL
Now great! Everyone knows I am one of your flying monkeys!!!!!
:icon_tetter: :icon_tetter: :icon_tetter: :icon_tetter: :icon_suspicious: :icon_suspicious: :icon_suspicious:
struggled to sleep last night due to and epic blister I have on my foot that popped. Slept in late and missed all the morning.
It was yesterday, but....
I got called in to talk to the executive director. I got the "we're trying to help you succeed" speech. The one that is given right before they let you go. I told them that I actually needed to know they're policies and procedures, because no one ever showed them or taught them to me. They asked why I wasn't turning in a daily QA form. I told them flat out that no one ever showed me their forms, and further told them that I still haven't received training on their phone system yet. I haven't even been with this company 2 weeks, and the expect me to know ALL of their systems without having been shown their systems. Now I know why I'm the fourth dietary manager in a year!
I'm looking for a new job, I'll probably get fired by this time next week.
Didn't have work due to the snow, so that means less money in my paycheck tomorrow.
I can't seem to get ahold of any laser places after the first one that is probably a logistical no go. They just collectively don't pick up their phones.
My lack of time management and other people constantly being obtuse and in the way.
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It has been two months since I had my psych eval done for surgery letters and I still haven't gotten my follow up appointment with the shrink or a letter, nor will the guy answer emails. Unhappy doesn't even begin to cover this.
Yes Colleen that would make one more than just unhappy. Anger comes to mind but expressing it to someone you need something from before you get it could be unwise. I have a shoulder you can cry on if that helps.
Hugs,
Laurie
I got yelled at by a co-worker that has the exact same position as I do (dock assistant, i.e. low level supervisor), for doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing and not helping him, all because he dislikes the fact that I'm younger and slightly less experienced than him and have the same amount of authority. He then sicked our boss on me for walking away instead of decking him. After explaining exactly what happen to our supervisor, he essentially told me to coddle the guy and try to be more diplomatic in the future. Irony is, he praised me for walking away and not laying the guy out in the same breath!
This isn't the first time something like this has occurred. He tends to get all sorts of special treatment because he is friends with the V.P. of operations. He has done many things that would have gotten any one else fired (causing structural damage to the building and driving a fork lift off a dock more than once just to name a couple), but, he's buddies with the ops. V.P. so... yeah.
I don't tend to be a violent person, in fact I tend to be a bit of a doormat, but he happened to stumble across one of the few things that will set me off.
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on January 18, 2018, 08:09:56 PM
It has been two months since I had my psych eval done for surgery letters and I still haven't gotten my follow up appointment with the shrink or a letter, nor will the guy answer emails. Unhappy doesn't even begin to cover this.
I would be nearly apoplectic with rage, I think. I'm sorry this is happening. Keep contacting him, put some pressure, but politely. Like Laurie said, if you upset him he may shut you out even more (which is INCREDIBLY unprofessional.....).
Oh I am continuing to pester him. I tend to be overly patient with people but even I am starting to get a short fuse about this one.
I'm getting to the point where I'm going to look for another shrink so I can relive the joy of explaining to him that wanting SRS and FFS doesn't make me insane. At least I didn't pay the first one up front.
Quote from: Geeker on January 18, 2018, 09:57:11 PM
I got yelled at by a co-worker that has the exact same position as I do (dock assistant, i.e. low level supervisor), for doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing and not helping him, all because he dislikes the fact that I'm younger and slightly less experienced than him and have the same amount of authority. He then sicked our boss on me for walking away instead of decking him. After explaining exactly what happen to our supervisor, he essentially told me to coddle the guy and try to be more diplomatic in the future. Irony is, he praised me for walking away and not laying the guy out in the same breath!
This isn't the first time something like this has occurred. He tends to get all sorts of special treatment because he is friends with the V.P. of operations. He has done many things that would have gotten any one else fired (causing structural damage to the building and driving a fork lift off a dock more than once just to name a couple), but, he's buddies with the ops. V.P. so... yeah.
I don't tend to be a violent person, in fact I tend to be a bit of a doormat, but he happened to stumble across one of the few things that will set me off.
After sleeping on it, if something like what happened yesterday happens again I'm just going to go straight to HR instead of just taking myself out of the situation until I can be calm enough to deal with him.
I made a big mistake at work that costs money. Not much but still, I'm very stressed out.
My work wants to do my taxes for me this year. Uh, no. No way. Heck no!
Quote from: Bari Jo on January 19, 2018, 06:25:39 PM
My work wants to do my taxes for me this year. Uh, no. No way. Heck no!
Why would your work want to do your taxes? Just curious.
Quote from: Cali on January 19, 2018, 09:44:03 PM
Why would your work want to do your taxes? Just curious.
I worked out of the country about four months last year (seven months the year before). I'm sure it is some complicated way of the company saving money on foreign taxes.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on January 20, 2018, 12:34:30 AM
I worked out of the country about four months last year (seven months the year before). I'm sure it is some complicated way of the company saving money on foreign taxes.
Bari Jo
Curious.
A boy I went to school with was killed by a hit & run drunk driver early last year. The driver got just 3 &1/2 years
Quote from: big kim on January 20, 2018, 01:58:52 AM
A boy I went to school with was killed by a hit & run drunk driver early last year. The driver got just 3 &1/2 years
That would really make me unhappy too. Hugs to you.
Bari Jo
I never saw myself posting to this topic; but today I'm glad it's here.
I guess it's a couple of things that have got me down today. First, I'm getting my name changed (yay!), but the lawyer is taking more time than I expected to get it done. He hasn't been negligent; I know he's got more than one client, and it's only been a few days longer than I expected. But, still.
What really triggered it, however, or, perhaps, the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back, is the fact that my co-workers are not doing their jobs, I'm having to fix it and the boss doesn't seem to care. He owns several businesses and lets this one run on autopilot – or so it seems to me. It won't do any good to complain, because he never fires anyone; he values a warm body more than whether that warm body can do the job. I'm tired of it.
Finally, I came out to my sister a few months ago. We had been estranged and hadn't spoken or written in more than 10 years. To my surprise, she was very accepting and affirming; and I was thrilled. But I haven't heard from her in nearly two weeks, although I have written her many emails. I feel rejected again.
Sorry. I hate self-pity parties. But there was no one else to tell.
Crying because of not being born anatomically female
Crying because of everything i might want to/need to do to fix the universes mistake
Praying that it can happen for me..
having to pray that it can happen for me
Seeing others experiences on youtube doing the same (fixing the universes mistake)
Crying because i feel this way to begin with
Oversleeping a lot. I know I work a lot but this is ridiculous.
Vent/Not Looking For Suggestions:
Woke up in the afternoon (I work overnights and sleep during the day). See I have unread emails notifying me of various bills are ready and due in a few weeks. Typical morning really no big deal as I set reminders for literally everything as I have issues with memory due to high stress.
Problems started when I read my email from my student loan servicer. My monthly payment went up again this year, it's not supposed to unless I make more during the repayment plan renewal each November. I make the same as last year and my payment increased by like $30 a month. I panic because I make so little, that $30 has to come from somewhere. Probably groceries.
Now though I am a young adult living alone, I make so little at work my parents have to supplement my income. I realize this is a privilege for me, but it's a dual edged sword. They are extremely conservative and closed minded. I am not out to them. If I do something they don't like or don't approve of (coming out to them is the big one), they'd pull their support and I'd effectively would be homeless within a month or two. Because of this fortunate but unfortunate circumstance, I can't come out yet or even start my transition. I was going to start HRT this month but can't risk my parents noticing changes over the next year. So I'm forced to stay in the closet longer than planned because I don't have a job to support myself.
So tldr (sorry I got anxious and ranted) I am unhappy today due to several bills being more than I can afford, being unable to see the doctor I want because insurance is stupid, having to postpone my transition because I'd end up homeless if I started it now, and being stuck in a crap job with an even worse boss where I don't get benefits of any kind and am treated like trash.
I spent all day working on a roof in 20 degree weather. :o
the girls were acting up too, the cold made them very sore! I couldn't exactly calm em down either while being around 3 construction guys, one of which is my dad.
I started looking for a new job last night, I really gotta find something soon.
My life its just SOOO BAAADDDDD, and i dont know how to dig out of that whole, and yes i know i made it myself but when life keeps making you feel like crap it makes you want to give up because i feel like its never going to change
I feel so miserable
I'm having one of those days where I'm feeling more dysphoric than usual... I'm sooo close to resorting to getting hormones privately. But I know I need laser therapy, to learn makeup and buy a full-time wig before then
Remote key fob played up had to get a taxi to dentist as spare key at home no time to fi
Football season is over :'(
I've been emailing and calling the patient representative to get an appointment with one of the only trans friendly doctors in my city and surrounding counties. This one is female and the other is male. Despite being ftm I don't trust male doctors at all. Anyway... 2 weeks, 3 emails, 2 phone calls, 3 different people, I still can't get a call back to see if 1. She's taking new patients 2. To even get an appointment in the trans health clinic at all.
Realized that my insurance denies all trans health coverage. And a lot of other potentially discriminatory things for people in need. And of all the health insurance companies available to me, for trans health to be covered, they have the most asinine and backwards requirements for things to be medically necessary to get covered.
Also wondering how I'll be able to afford a name change considering everyone is saying I'm required to have a lawyer. But my state doesn't say I need one for the court date so I'm just annoyed and confused at all this mixed information and lack of communication.
Quote from: AgentVermont052 on February 06, 2018, 02:17:47 PM
Also wondering how I'll be able to afford a name change considering everyone is saying I'm required to have a lawyer. But my state doesn't say I need one for the court date so I'm just annoyed and confused at all this mixed information and lack of communication.
I have no advice about the insurance, but whoever "everyone" is, they're wrong about needing a lawyer for name change if it's anything like Florida. I did get help filling out the initial paperwork at a free seminar put on by a legal aid organization, but after that I did practically everything online except the fingerprinting and court date. I just represented myself.
Stephanie
I am in arizona so when I changed my name, the court room was packed with others doing the same. Only one person had a lawyer with her but from what I overheard it was rather complex. She was divorced and the name change involved her child as well. I think she could have probably done it herself but she was more comfortable with a lawyer handling it.
Because my Birth Certificate was in Wisconsin, I also needed to learn the rules there as well. It would have been a bit simpler if I lived there and I could have done it without a lawyer as well. Wisconsin had a single sheet form that I would submit with my surgical letter and that was all the required paper work.
Start by googling "state name change" and you should get the state web site and instruction for a name change.
A sharp pain in my side that nearly knocks me down then dissipates into a dull pain then I become kinda dizzy and tired and it's difficult to breath sometimes
This has been happening at random for awhile and I think about going to the Dr. but then I start feeling better and forget about it until it hits me again
Quote from: V M on February 06, 2018, 06:07:33 PM
A sharp pain in my side that nearly knocks me down then dissipates into a dull pain then I become kinda dizzy and tired and it's difficult to breath sometimes
This has been happening at random for awhile and I think about going to the Dr. but then I start feeling better and forget about it until it hits me again
Sweetie go get it checked out. For peace of mind if nothing else.
*big hugs*
Quote from: Sephirah on February 06, 2018, 06:25:39 PM
Sweetie go get it checked out. For peace of mind if nothing else.
*big hugs*
Very true - VM can't be replaced!
I experienced pain like that years ago. Was diagnosed with an ulcer and IBS.
Quote from: Sephirah on February 06, 2018, 06:25:39 PM
Sweetie go get it checked out. For peace of mind if nothing else.
*big hugs*
Quote from: Cassi on February 06, 2018, 06:27:12 PM
Very true - VM can't be replaced!
I experienced pain like that years ago. Was diagnosed with an ulcer and IBS.
Thanks friends, I'll try to get in as soon as I can
Hugs
I came back to my car at the park and ride to find one tire was flat. Upon inspection it was knifed, twice. No idea why my car was targeted.
Bari Jo
Bari Jo I daren't have a car in the war zone I live. Even a POS £50 car will be vandalised. I have to keep my bike in a secure lock up 2 blocks away.
Quote from: big kim on February 07, 2018, 02:46:14 AM
Bari Jo I daren't have a car in the war zone I live. Even a POS £50 car will be vandalised. I have to keep my bike in a secure lock up 2 blocks away.
ACK your living situation must be worse than mine. I jokingly call my area a war zone, but I'm safe to park on Tue street outside and walk at night. It probably helps that I'm blond and don't have the usual look of a gang member:)
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on February 07, 2018, 10:07:25 AM
ACK your living situation must be worse than mine. I jokingly call my area a war zone, but I'm safe to park on Tue street outside and walk at night. It probably helps that I'm blond and don't have the usual look of a gang member:)
Bari Jo
Do you live in the Inland Empire?
Quote from: Cassi on February 07, 2018, 10:08:50 AM
Do you live in the Inland Empire?
Nope, I live in Santa Ana. Does that peg me? Probably:)
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on February 07, 2018, 10:19:11 AM
Nope, I live in Santa Ana. Does that peg me? Probably:)
Bari Jo
I was stationed at the Helicopter base when it was in Santa Ana before the giant earthquake moved it to Tustin where it was decommissioned.
Originally from Long Beach/Lakewood, then Texas 4 years and now Vegas.
My dad is so clueless. I'm 31 and have never had a girlfriend and yesterday at work in front of people he made a comment about wanting me to give him grandkids someday. NOT HAPPENING. this transition is going to come as a huge shock to him, he's oblivious.
Today we're being hit with a huge snowstorm and I got called off work, I'm trying to save for an apartment and that's a lot of money missing from my check next week, and I already have to take a day off next week because I have a session with my therapist and an electrolysis appointment. The worst part about not working today is that I got up at 4:15, ate breakfast, made coffee, got dressed, even warmed my car up! and then seriously 30 seconds before I was going to leave I got the phone call saying we're not working. I wish I would have known last night, I could have slept in!
What made me unhappy today ...
For more than six years, I have worked full-time for a man of Indian descent in a job that requires extensive interaction with the public. Our working relationship has been stellar, and he has long regarded me as not only his best employee, but the best he has ever seen at my job. I have worked in an atmosphere of trust and positive regard.
When I suspected I was trans, almost a year ago, I knew I would want to get my ears pierced; so, when sending him a business-related email, I asked him if it would be an issue. He didn't respond. So, the next chance I had to speak to him, I brought it up. It was plain to me that it was a subject he did not want to discuss with me; he was clearly uncomfortable. I did manage to get his OK; but, later, a co-worker disclosed to me that he had said something about it to her. After this, naturally, I wondered, with some trepidation what his reaction would be to finding out I was trans.
As the months went on, I gradually came out to most of my co-workers. My relationship with dysphoria is unusual, based on what I've read other girls experience. It's there, but I managed for so long without realizing what it was that my defense mechanisms kick in automatically. I often notice it in retrospect; I see myself react to something, then realize, "Oh, that was dysphoria." My birth name brings this out a lot, lately. I began using my new name at work before it was legal. I don't see my boss very often because of the hours I work and because he manages several businesses; so, we never discussed it. I was just getting to the point where my birth name was becoming a real trial to me, psychologically, and I needed to make the change. I used my new name on my paperwork for several weeks, and never heard a peep.
When the process began of formalizing my name change by getting a court order, I notified him by email that I would be changing my name and would update him when I had a new ID and social security card, which I thought he would need to see. No response. After I got these documents, I notified him by email. No response. Furthermore, I have begun to sense that the way he deals with me has shifted. Things that would previously have led to a phone call from him are now being communicated through an intermediary. I recently got a note from him that was, not harsh, but not as cordial as his notes have usually been for the last six years. And this is, I think, significant: the note was dictated by him to someone else who transcribed it -- someone who knows I'm trans, an ally, someone who would never address me by my birth name -- and it addressed me as [deadname]. This was obviously intentional. When I asked the person who transcribed it who had written the note, she looked uncomfortable and said she had written it as she had been told to write it. This is indicative of more than discomfort on my boss' part; it suggests hostility.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. But I'm worried. Trans is not a protected class where I live; but, while my job security does concern me, it's really the change I fear in my working environment that has me down today. I'm really down about this.
I've decided to take what I would normally consider an extreme measure. I left a message for a management-level subordinate of his at one of his other businesses, someone who has worked for him for many years, asking her to call me tomorrow. As far as I know, she doesn't know I'm trans – though who knows, with the rumor mill – and I'm going to explain the situation to her and get her feedback. Worst-case scenario, I'm going to ask her to speak to him; if he feels about me the way I suspect, I'm the last person he wants to talk to.
This just really has me down tonight, and I needed to tell someone.
P.S. It's funny about my birth name. Sometimes, now, I can barely bring myself to say it. Sometimes, I can't say it at all. For instance, when I left the message for the management-level subordinate I mentioned, the person taking the message naturally wanted to know who was calling; and, although this woman knows me by my birth name only, I couldn't bring myself to say it. I ended up just telling the person taking the message that it was the [job title] at [this other business], and saying she would know who I was. Funny, huh?
Quote from: AnnMarie2017 on February 08, 2018, 12:40:44 AMand, although this woman knows me by my birth name only, I couldn't bring myself to say it. I ended up just telling the person taking the message that it was the [job title] at [this other business], and saying she would know who I was. Funny, huh?
I too hate, have always hated my birth name even though it's a common name and perfectly acceptable to everyone else. I refuse to leave voicemails and I never create my own voicemail greetings. I developed a signature that is just an unintelligible scribble. And I prefer it when people address me by my last name only even though that's usually an indication of emotional distance. It's so nice to be able to use a name of your own choosing in RPGs.
Edit: I just finished reading the wiki entry on transgenders in India. They are known as Hijra and are basically treated very poorly as third class citizens. Perhaps your boss is of the opinion that this is okay.
Well the guy that I had my first date and kiss with has not called or text in a week now we used to text almost every night , I just wish he would have said something I don't care if he did not like me just wish he could tell me he did not want to be at least friends just make me sad and a little heart broken. :icon_sadblinky:
Quote from: AgentVermont052 on February 06, 2018, 02:17:47 PMAlso wondering how I'll be able to afford a name change considering everyone is saying I'm required to have a lawyer. But my state doesn't say I need one for the court date so I'm just annoyed and confused at all this mixed information and lack of communication.
This is odd. A name change is one of the simplest legal procedures there is. Some courts have pre-printed forms you can use to do it yourself; you still have to pay the filing fee, but that's about it. In some courts, the clerk will just take the paperwork in to the judge, he'll sign it, and bingo.
Some LGBT centers also provide forms and a roadmap through the process so that you can do it yourself.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on February 08, 2018, 01:59:50 AM
Well the guy that I had my first date and kiss with has not called or text in a week now we used to text almost every night , I just wish he would have said something I don't care if he did not like me just wish he could tell me he did not want to be at least friends just make me sad and a little heart broken. :icon_sadblinky:
Sorry to hear that! I'd like to say maybe he's just busy with something, but a week with no text doesn't sound good. :(
You'll find someone else though, so hang in there hon!
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on February 08, 2018, 01:59:50 AM
Well the guy that I had my first date and kiss with has not called or text in a week now we used to text almost every night , I just wish he would have said something I don't care if he did not like me just wish he could tell me he did not want to be at least friends just make me sad and a little heart broken. :icon_sadblinky:
Hang in there Natalie, There could be lots of reasons not related to you. Either way, you have a lot going for you don't get hung up on the first one.
I want to say thank you both Sarah_P and Faith both your words made me feel better. It is just weird I feel like a high school girl waiting for a guy to call.
A friend of mine had to put his dog down because it became sick with an illness somewhat rare to dogs and so we're commiserating on that :'( He was a great lil' dog and will be greatly missed
Today was to be my wedding day. I was going to marry a wonderful strong woman in a castle near San Diego. It was all Disney themed and everything seemed to be perfect besides... well... me.
Quote from: V M on February 08, 2018, 09:22:28 PM
A friend of mine had to put his dog down because it became sick with an illness somewhat rare to dogs and so we're commiserating on that :'( He was a great lil' dog and will be greatly missed
That is sad. Dogs can be really nice friends.
Chrissy
Friends ' only child died suddenly at 38 leaving 4 daughters.
The mirror, I rely upon it for makeup etc but it hates me so. X
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 10, 2018, 08:28:01 AM
That is sad. Dogs can be really nice friends.
Chrissy
True, and this lil' guy had his own unique personality
very severe dysphoria today and still have my non accepting mum telling me she wants me to be happy no matter the cost...
constantly worrying that transition will never be enough to pass.
Really, really miserable
Quote from: Laurie on January 03, 2018, 05:39:19 PM
Oh gheeeze Amber,
What a mess to clean up after clearing the drain. What a pita. Don't break those nails they are hard to get to grow back.
Hugs,
Laurie
You haven't lived until you've replaced an ejection pump. More than once. :)
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I had a bad dream last night, i dreamt i was a child like 4 or 5 and told my father that didnt want to be a boy and that i wanted to be a girl and he didnt accept it i wonder if this explains my shame in being Transgender? i dont recall anything like this happening but idk maybe its something i repressed?
It's not much fun coming round from a patch of dissociation to realise that your first job in the morning is to wash your bed linen.
It feels like such a step back, it's literally months since my last episode, it had started to feel like a new normal. Still, leaf out of Cindy's book. I can beat this.
Rowan
Quote from: big kim on February 10, 2018, 10:15:47 AM
Friends ' only child died suddenly at 38 leaving 4 daughters.
Wow, I don't know how this could have been missed and not responded to. I am so sorry to hear that you lost your child. My oldest is also 38 and while we aren't in contact I would be devastated if something were to happen to him.
I legit can't remember if I took my spiro and estrogen pills today. If I didn't then I guess I'm skipping a day because I don't want to do a double dose if I did happen to take them this morning
Quote from: Maddie86 on February 11, 2018, 10:54:17 AM
I legit can't remember if I took my spiro and estrogen pills today. If I didn't then I guess I'm skipping a day because I don't want to do a double dose if I did happen to take them this morning
WIDC!!!!!
When In Doubt, Count!
Quote from: Cassi on February 11, 2018, 11:08:40 AM
When In Doubt, Count!
Ah, I see that Countess Cassi gives some advice that does add up, making good sense.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 11, 2018, 11:33:39 AM
Ah, I see that Countess Cassi gives some advice that does add up, making good sense.
Chrissy
Oh Chrissy Sweetie, You're making me blush :icon_chick: :icon_peace:
Mar car battery died and I can not fix it myself. I hate the way they built in the battery so you have to take off the passengers tire and wheel well to take the battery out and it is so cold out. I know it can be fix just was not happy
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on February 11, 2018, 02:32:12 PM
Mar car battery died and I can not fix it myself. I hate the way they built in the battery so you have to take off the passengers tire and wheel well to take the battery out and it is so cold out. I know it can be fix just was not happy
Wow, what kind of car do you have? A Pol 5150?
clumping about through life and not thinking about my actions (no details) think its my dyslectic brain
Suicidal ideation gnawing at my mind
Quote from: Cassi on February 11, 2018, 02:41:02 PM
Wow, what kind of car do you have? A Pol 5150?
2002 Chrysler intrepid 3.5 RT
Quote from: V M on February 11, 2018, 03:15:52 PM
Suicidal ideation gnawing at my mind
Please don't do anything like that if you want to talk to some one I am free to talk Just please dont do anything bad please I will give you my number if you want
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on February 11, 2018, 03:43:08 PM
Please don't do anything like that if you want to talk to some one I am free to talk Just please dont do anything bad please I will give you my number if you want
Thank you, I'll probably be OK :-\ It's just something that has plagued me for a long time
Quote from: V M on February 11, 2018, 04:42:18 PM
Thank you, I'll probably be OK :-\ It's just something that has plagued me for a long time
ok I wish you the best of thoughts, I am here if you need someone to talk to, just relax and think happy thoughts
Quote from: V M on February 11, 2018, 04:42:18 PM
Thank you, I'll probably be OK :-\ It's just something that has plagued me for a long time
V M,
Maybe today is a really stressful day for you and many, including me. Envision a pleasant experience for you becoming a reality and not just a dream, and maybe that will help.
I am in a funk and am not thinking much about anything except perhaps getting some rest. I did buy some food at the market but I just do not have any spark in me to cook or to eat. No dinner tonight. But I ate enough this weekend.
I am lackadaisical. Maybe funkadaisical!
I really feel for women sharing concerns here who are going through a lot right now, from being laughed at, stared at, having relationship problems, work problems, their appearance concerns, having living arrangement issues, being zapped in the face with pain for hair removal, and so on. Wow, that is a lot just in that short list.
Then it is encouraging to see some uplifting stories. But the tough scenarios just claw at your heart...
Tomorrow should be a far better day, I hope! Always be thankful and grateful, and help someone, that helps me take the focus away from my periodic down self thinking. But sometimes it is slow for me to respond to that even.
Chrissy
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on February 11, 2018, 02:32:12 PM
Mar car battery died and I can not fix it myself. I hate the way they built in the battery so you have to take off the passengers tire and wheel well to take the battery out and it is so cold out. I know it can be fix just was not happy
What a crappy design! I hope the battery can be jump started easily at least even if its removal is ridiculously inconvenient to do.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on February 11, 2018, 02:32:12 PM
Mar car battery died and I can not fix it myself. I hate the way they built in the battery so you have to take off the passengers tire and wheel well to take the battery out and it is so cold out. I know it can be fix just was not happy
My car is worse. You have to take the bumper and the driver's side fender off.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on February 11, 2018, 05:22:17 PM
My car is worse. You have to take the bumper and the driver's side fender off.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Ya that is worse I wish it was in the back seat or trunk like some other cars I don't know why they design them like this.
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 11, 2018, 05:14:17 PM
What a crappy design! I hope the battery can be jump started easily at least even if its removal is ridiculously inconvenient to do.
Ya boosting it is usually easy just not accepting a charge or boost so I have to get it towed
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 11, 2018, 11:33:39 AM
Ah, I see that Countess Cassi gives some advice that does add up, making good sense.
Chrissy
Quote from: Cassi on February 11, 2018, 02:16:16 PM
Oh Chrissy Sweetie, You're making me blush :icon_chick: :icon_peace:
Cassie,
Blush? Oh, that is in the cosmetics aisle. For a wonderfully healthy glow about you! Ha.
Chrissy
Sorry for this so I got CAA and called them up they cant replace the battery in my car or boost it so now I have to get it towed for sure now
A guy that's been my friend for 18 years may soon no longer be my friend (if not already). I knew he was having issues with my transition, but I never realized just how bad it was. Any mention of my progress, good things happening, or bad things happening that are transition-related just seem to set him off. I mentioned while we were all together today getting 'sir'-d by a woman at work, and he said 'You can't force your beliefs on others people'. I said I just wanted some basic human decency & politeness, and he didn't think that was right... sigh.
He also made several comments that are fairly racist. I've been hoping that maybe he'll come around, but this I think was the final straw, and I'll probably have to cut ties with him.
Quote from: Sarah_P on February 11, 2018, 09:15:34 PM
A guy that's been my friend for 18 years may soon no longer be my friend (if not already). I knew he was having issues with my transition, but I never realized just how bad it was. Any mention of my progress, good things happening, or bad things happening that are transition-related just seem to set him off. I mentioned while we were all together today getting 'sir'-d by a woman at work, and he said 'You can't force your beliefs on others people'. I said I just wanted some basic human decency & politeness, and he didn't think that was right... sigh.
He also made several comments that are fairly racist. I've been hoping that maybe he'll come around, but this I think was the final straw, and I'll probably have to cut ties with him.
I am sorry for that Sarah that does suck, but if he is going to be negative than you are doing the right thing
Feeling Miserable and also pretty frustrated with myself tonight
Reciving a valantines card from my wife wih husband plastered all over it as "thats what you are" and "you havent changed yet"
I just want to scream, what so because i dont look like a girl im a man? I guess its all on appearances and it dont matter one bit whats in my head
Had a couple of sad days, I was reminded of my ex's existence which triggers me, and also I was frustrated thinking about all things transition related I need to change and how slow everything moves.
Well, a few hours ago would have been the very existence of this holiday. But I'm kinda over that thanks to some encouragement. Instead, what made me really unhappy is when I walked downstairs and saw the ungodly amounts of fudge that I'm sure my step mother bought to hand out to everyone. I'm desperately trying to lose weight (gotta drop 30 pounds by July... for reasons... :D) and thousands of calories of fudge sitting around with my lack of self control when it comes to food is a very bad thing.
Quote from: Roll on February 14, 2018, 11:56:43 AM
Well, a few hours ago would have been the very existence of this holiday. But I'm kinda over that thanks to some encouragement. Instead, what made me really unhappy is when I walked downstairs and saw the ungodly amounts of fudge that I'm sure my step mother bought to hand out to everyone. I'm desperately trying to lose weight (gotta drop 30 pounds by July... for reasons... :D) and thousands of calories of fudge sitting around with my lack of self control when it comes to food is a very bad thing.
I had Christmas fudge given to me, happens every year, I took it to work to have it eaten and I would avoid it. Well, um, I ended up eating half of it at work .. plan fail :P
Quote from: Roll on February 14, 2018, 11:56:43 AM
Well, a few hours ago would have been the very existence of this holiday. But I'm kinda over that thanks to some encouragement. Instead, what made me really unhappy is when I walked downstairs and saw the ungodly amounts of fudge that I'm sure my step mother bought to hand out to everyone. I'm desperately trying to lose weight (gotta drop 30 pounds by July... for reasons... :D) and thousands of calories of fudge sitting around with my lack of self control when it comes to food is a very bad thing.
In addition to left-over cheesecake, a coworker brought in doughnuts today. Plus there were left-over valentine's cookies from this morning's storytime. I don't even want to know how many calories I've had today....
It's Valentines Day, the anniversary of the clubbing and beheading of an Italian priest, which we somehow celebrate by exchanging paper heart cutouts with preprinted sentiments and equally cloying bad chocolate candies.
I'm trying to figure out how to spend my evening. Alone in the apartment, or should I dress to the nines and go out for solo dining?
Got pulled over for speeding on my way to an appointment. Got 2 tickets one for the speeding, the second for not having updated my license. Damn near $300 between the both of them. Then on the drive back from said appointment I finally succumbed to the illness running around my household. Managed to only have to stop once to vomit on the side of the road. Now I get to spend Valentine's very near the bathroom and continually arguing with my body about not wanting to use said bathroom.
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Quote from: Dee Marshall on January 25, 2016, 08:16:03 AM
I've been unhappy not just today, but pretty much the whole weekend. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING THE GHOST OF MY WIFE'S HUSBAND! Ahem, sorry for the screaming. She loves me, and supports me, but she won't touch me or kiss me anymore. I love her, I don't want anyone else!... And it hurts me to see her cry because I'm not who she thought I was. I'm not looking for suggested solutions, just commiseration.
Even though the town has asked us to conserve water, I'm gonna go soak in a hot tub of bubbles.
I'm in a very similar situation. Me and my partner are still together. She is trying to support me. But the romantic part of relationship died 7 months ago. ( Mostly my fault. ).....I hope things will get better for you and your wife...... hugs !!!
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I'm going to be at home doing nothing for Valentine's yet again. Sigh. Maybe next year?
Quote from: lds98498 on February 14, 2018, 05:46:46 PM
I'm in a very similar situation. Me and my partner are still together. She is trying to support me. But the romantic part of relationship died 7 months ago. ( Mostly my fault. ).....I hope things will get better for you and your wife...... hugs !!!
Sent from my LG-TP450 using Tapatalk
Well, that's a really old post, and things have gotten a little better, but we still live together in separate rooms, no cuddling or kissing and "not a couple" although the hard work of being a couple is still there. Today is just about the hardest day to deal with in this situation.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Ok, this is not high on the list of unhappy moments but ....
I just stubbed my big toe on the stairs @work. I am wearing open toed sandals, red velvet painted nails and, it just tore half the nail off .... OWWWWWW .....
It's going to take forever for it to grow back out to get shaped properly :(
Ouch and ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Quote from: Faith on February 15, 2018, 09:04:37 AM
Ok, this is not high on the list of unhappy moments but ....
I just stubbed my big toe on the stairs @work. I am wearing open toed sandals, red velvet painted nails and, it just tore half the nail off .... OWWWWWW .....
It's going to take forever for it to grow back out to get shaped properly :(
Ouch!!
I had yet another fingernail break this morning. I swear, if they grow more than a 1/2 mm out they just break. Why can't my toenails do that? My 2 big toenails are ingrown and I could probably actually get them cut completely back if they were that brittle. Maybe all the biotin I'm taking is going directly to my toes? I hope some of it is helping my hair, too.
Well, one good thing about the fact people always kind of half-assed Valentines Day for me in the past means I can half-ass it now. Or forget about it completely.
I mentioned in the happy thread I stopped and actually looked at women's clothes in Sam's Club, and that I was going to try again at Target. Well, I went over there, and I faltered. Faltered hard. I was surprised by the number of people there at that time of day on a Thursday, a group of employees were gathered around the dressing room entrance just talking... and I couldn't go through with it. I made a complete loop of the store, picked up some groceries to try to build my courage back up, then went back. Not many people around, so I looked at one or two things near the aisle, sort of mumbling to myself like I was trying to remember someone else's size. Got scared, and stopped. Went to men's section, grabbed a pair of jeans (believe it or not I own no jeans, period, male or otherwise) that were somewhat androgynous and a pink-ish generic t-shirt, but that's the most I could do. Unfortunately, the shirt doesn't look good on me color wise, and was more just a desperate attempt to salvage something mentally... I'm so mad at myself for not finding the courage, and just really sad because I honestly thought going over there I would be coming home with a pair of women's jeans at the least.
Quote from: Roll on February 15, 2018, 10:27:18 PM
I mentioned in the happy thread I stopped and actually looked at women's clothes in Sam's Club, and that I was going to try again at Target. Well, I went over there, and I faltered. Faltered hard. I was surprised by the number of people there at that time of day on a Thursday, a group of employees were gathered around the dressing room entrance just talking... and I couldn't go through with it. I made a complete loop of the store, picked up some groceries to try to build my courage back up, then went back. Not many people around, so I looked at one or two things near the aisle, sort of mumbling to myself like I was trying to remember someone else's size. Got scared, and stopped. Went to men's section, grabbed a pair of jeans (believe it or not I own no jeans, period, male or otherwise) that were somewhat androgynous and a pink-ish generic t-shirt, but that's the most I could do. Unfortunately, the shirt doesn't look good on me color wise, and was more just a desperate attempt to salvage something mentally... I'm so mad at myself for not finding the courage, and just really sad because I honestly thought going over there I would be coming home with a pair of women's jeans at the least.
Ellie Ellie Ellie
Girl I know exactly what you mean. I waited for around Christmas for a lot of years to go "Looking for a clothing gift" for a woman in my life... Me. It is indeed scary to go into the no man's land of women's clothing and look around. I now can do it but would you believe I had never tried on a piece of women's clothing until I went to a women's boutique get together with Michelle? I tried on 5 tops and bought none. I have yet to do it on my own. You'll get there Hun. It is just going to take some time. you need to find a girlfriend to go do it with.
Hug,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on February 15, 2018, 10:42:11 PM
It is just going to take some time. you need to find a girlfriend to go do it with.
This! Would your sister be willing to go with you sometime?
I can't even count the number of times I did the exact same thing! Even if you know in your mind that it's no big deal, it's hard to get over that emotional anxiety about it. I will say this - now that I shop in the women's section exclusively, I've actually noticed quite a few solo men looking there, too. I have no idea if they're there for themselves or are buying a gift, and I really don't worry about it. Well, unless they try to take something
I want.
Quote from: Roll on February 15, 2018, 10:27:18 PM
I mentioned in the happy thread I stopped and actually looked at women's clothes in Sam's Club, and that I was going to try again at Target. Well, I went over there, and I faltered. Faltered hard. I was surprised by the number of people there at that time of day on a Thursday, a group of employees were gathered around the dressing room entrance just talking... and I couldn't go through with it. I made a complete loop of the store, picked up some groceries to try to build my courage back up, then went back. Not many people around, so I looked at one or two things near the aisle, sort of mumbling to myself like I was trying to remember someone else's size. Got scared, and stopped. Went to men's section, grabbed a pair of jeans (believe it or not I own no jeans, period, male or otherwise) that were somewhat androgynous and a pink-ish generic t-shirt, but that's the most I could do. Unfortunately, the shirt doesn't look good on me color wise, and was more just a desperate attempt to salvage something mentally... I'm so mad at myself for not finding the courage, and just really sad because I honestly thought going over there I would be coming home with a pair of women's jeans at the least.
A trick I used to do was grab a couple of big shirts from the men's department and used them to sandwich the stuff I really wanted to try on. Some places they want to know how many you have but they just count the hangers.
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Quote from: Kylo on February 15, 2018, 11:52:42 AM
Well, one good thing about the fact people always kind of half-assed Valentines Day for me in the past means I can half-ass it now. Or forget about it completely.
Stated just like a true man!
Unfortunately, I don't have any friends in the area, much less female friends to go with. :/ I'm still working up to being dressed around my sister. (First thing I did though when I got home is asked her about the pinkish shirt on me. She concurred, didn't really work with my skin tone despite a lot of people saying the pastel pinks would.)
Quote from: TonyaW on February 15, 2018, 11:28:49 PM
A trick I used to do was grab a couple of big shirts from the men's department and used them to sandwich the stuff I really wanted to try on. Some places they want to know how many you have but they just count the hangers.
Unfortunately as well, they were being thorough about what you took into the dressing room yesterday. They usually aren't, sometimes it is even completely unattended.
I'M SO TIRED OF EVERYONE AROUND ME TELLING ME TO WAIT TO GET HORMONES ON THE NHS (which could take up to 3 years) INSTEAD OF GETTING THEM PRIVATELY. THEY SEEM TO THINK I WANT TO GO ON HORMONES RIGHT NOW (which isn't the case) BUT I'M NOT WILLING TO WAIT 3 YEARS TO GO ON THEM, ESPECIALLY AS I KNOW I WILL BE READY FOR THEM LONG BEFORE I GET THEM THEOUGH THE NHS
*sorry for caps, it's just been pissing me off, lol
This was the other day I went to get prescription glasses, or at least look at them. The salesperson, as nice as she was, directed me to the men's section. I get it, she was basing it on how I'm presenting, but I thought prior that people staring at me literally everywhere I go meant something was up (I'm changing). Apparently I need my head checked.
It's not being misgendered (questionable since I was I was in "guy" mode) that bothers me. I should've just went to the women's glasses. It's my $$ they want in the end. Instead I told her I'll look online. Which is true but still feels like a fail.
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Quote from: Sinead on February 18, 2018, 06:51:28 AM
I'M SO TIRED OF EVERYONE AROUND ME TELLING ME TO WAIT TO GET HORMONES ON THE NHS (which could take up to 3 years) INSTEAD OF GETTING THEM PRIVATELY. THEY SEEM TO THINK I WANT TO GO ON HORMONES RIGHT NOW (which isn't the case) BUT I'M NOT WILLING TO WAIT 3 YEARS TO GO ON THEM, ESPECIALLY AS I KNOW I WILL BE READY FOR THEM LONG BEFORE I GET THEM THEOUGH THE NHS
*sorry for caps, it's just been pissing me off, lol
Yeah 3 years is way too long. Heck I thought my 1 month wait was long. I remember when you first started posting about realizing you're trans and that you wanted to wait to start hrt. I actually admire you wanting to take your time. But I guess for me I'd been crossdressing for over a year before accepting I'm trans.
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Quote from: Allison S on February 18, 2018, 07:29:24 AM
Yeah 3 years is way too long. Heck I thought my 1 month wait was long. I remember when you first started posting about realizing you're trans and that you wanted to wait to start hrt. I actually admire you wanting to take your time. But I guess for me I'd been crossdressing for over a year before accepting I'm trans.
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It just shows complete ignorance from them, and it's coming from the ones I love the most. On one hand, I fully understand what they're saying, I shouldn't rush into anything, but they seem to miss the part where I say (repeatedly I might add) "I'm not saying I'm going to go on hormones right now, but I am not waiting 3 years for them", I think that sounds very fair if I'm being perfectly honest, because if I really wanted to, I'd be on them right now.
I would go on them right now if I'm being completely honest, but I know myself that I'm not ready for that yet, I still have a lot I have to do, but these things are currently in place or are close to being started, there's no way, that once I have mastered make-up, am living part time at least and start referring to myself as Sinead, that I'm gonna spend however long it is twiddling my thumbs waiting on the NHS. It could be years of my life, if I'm being honest, I sort've feel like I've wasted 25 years of my life already, not exploring my femininity
Quote from: Sinead on February 18, 2018, 08:49:47 AM
It just shows complete ignorance from me, and it's coming from the ones I love the most. On one hand, I fully understand what they're saying, I shouldn't rush into anything, but they seem to miss the part where I say (repeatedly I might add) "I'm not saying I'm going to go on hormones right now, but I am not waiting 3 years for them", I think that sounds very fair if I'm being perfectly honest, because if I really wanted to, I'd be on them right now.
I would go on them right now if I'm being completely honest, but I know myself that I'm not ready for that yet, I still have a lot I have to do, but these things are currently in place or are close to being started, there's no way, that once I have mastered make-up, am living part time at least and start referring to myself as Sinead, that I'm gonna spend however long it is twiddling my thumbs waiting on the NHS. It could be years of my life, if I'm being honest, I sort've feel like I've wasted 25 years of my life already, not exploring my femininity
I know girl. It's not easy. Even on hrt it's a lot of waiting. I'm struggling with managing the dysphoria. I'm scared that if I go fulltime I'll be traumatized by being misgendered. Part of me wants to know I can pass before I invest in this which is hard.
By the way makeup is too expensive! Another reason I just want hrt to do what it does so I don't need as much
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Having to put our cat midnight down do to a tumor. Hugs
Mariah
Went to electrolysis today, and looked at my 3 days of facial hair growth in the mirror. Seeing that's bad enough, but I noticed a LOT more dark hairs than there were a month ago. Looks like the laser treatments backfired on me, so now I'll have more to burn through at the electrocutioner. Sigh...
I feel so silly saying this... I was upset myself immediately after my roommate offered to help me and I told him "no I got it". I feel like I'm pushing him away... I don't even know if he likes me...
We don't talk much anyway. I shouldn't have feelings but he's so good looking and "around". It's so hard not to! I wasn't prepared for this. I thought I'd avoid all guys until I after I full transition! What a huge fail...
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I actually drove an hour to my county justice building to pick a new name change form to see what it requires now since the new law took affect this past January. It was closed for weather. Arrg
I've been getting my name changed various places, and had almost forgotten about my car insurance. So I called up Progressive, and also mentioned that I'm legally female now, too. Because of the gender change they raised my rates $25 / 6 months!!! :icon_anger:
Apparently I'm officially a crazy woman driver?! Aren't I supposed to do my nails in the car? While texting? :P
Quote from: Sarah_P on February 21, 2018, 10:16:13 AM
I've been getting my name changed various places, and had almost forgotten about my car insurance. So I called up Progressive, and also mentioned that I'm legally female now, too. Because of the gender change they raised my rates $25 / 6 months!!! :icon_anger:
Apparently I'm officially a crazy woman driver?! Aren't I supposed to do my nails in the car? While texting? :P
pffft ... everyone knows that you can't do your nails and text, you'll mess up your nails. facial makeup is ok for multitasking
Quote from: Faith on February 21, 2018, 10:18:16 AM
pffft ... everyone knows that you can't do your nails and text, you'll mess up your nails. facial makeup is ok for multitasking
Plus you'd get polish all over the screen. I do limit the makeup to powder and lipstick while driving. Eyeliner not recommended!
- Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 21, 2018, 10:28:38 AM
Plus you'd get polish all over the screen. I do limit the makeup to powder and lipstick while driving. Eyeliner not recommended!
- Stephanie
absolutely, how would you drive if you poked your eye out??!!?? Good point
I just turn on the cruise control! Then I can do whatever. You don't even have to touch the wheel!
I don't really have any friends or family but there is a group of people I'm friendly with that I see in Central Park while walking the dog. One of them is trans and I have been looking forward to telling her I started HRT. Today was a glorious day in NYC so I went down there and I was hoping we'd have a nice chat, maybe have lunch and I'd have someone to share with. So I tell her and she says Lemme know how that goes, and walks off. She wasn't being inconsiderate or anything I don't think. It was a let down and a hard reality check. A reminder that even though I'm still an egg with only a month and a half of HRT behind me I need to be careful to temper my expectations. That even if I get the SRS I desire so much that there's a good chance I'll still just spend all day in bed. That no matter how what I do I'll never be a real person.
tl;dr First person I told that I started HRT barely acknowledged me.
Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on February 21, 2018, 07:59:40 PM
I don't really have any friends or family but there is a group of people I'm friendly with that I see in Central Park while walking the dog. One of them is trans and I have been looking forward to telling her I started HRT. Today was a glorious day in NYC so I went down there and I was hoping we'd have a nice chat, maybe have lunch and I'd have someone to share with. So I tell her and she says Lemme know how that goes, and walks off. She wasn't being inconsiderate or anything I don't think. It was a let down and a hard reality check. A reminder that even though I'm still an egg with only a month and a half of HRT behind me I need to be careful to temper my expectations. That even if I get the SRS I desire so much that there's a good chance I'll still just spend all day in bed. That no matter how what I do I'll never be a real person.
tl;dr First person I told that I started HRT barely acknowledged me.
I'm sorry that happened to you, but don't let it get you down. If it was me I would have been happy for you (I am!) and given you a big hug. Here, have a virtual ::HUG::! :icon_hug:
Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on February 21, 2018, 07:59:40 PM
tl;dr First person I told that I started HRT barely acknowledged me.
People can be strange for any number of reasons. I'm just pulling thoughts out of the air, but it could be something like she's so fragile that she feels her uniqueness is being threatened by an "egg." Or maybe she can't afford or was denied HRT. Or maybe she just had a bad day. It's a shame she couldn't bring herself to be supportive, but she's only one person with her own problems. Don't forget all your sisters and brothers here who are joyful for you.
- Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 21, 2018, 09:53:35 PM
People can be strange for any number of reasons.
- Stephanie
I'm not mad at her at all. It was presumptive of me to think I could just spring that on a person. She's good people.
Thanks for the kind words.
Reports of fishing hooks hidden in dog toys.I hope they're caught and made to chew one
Work cut my hours down to 4 hours after I applied for a job and didnt get it. Hilariously because without putting it on the job description or application pack, my boss told me 'youre the prime candidate but we only want a lady for the role, which you are not.' Now Im pissed off enough as is that I lost out, but him saying that was a double slap he didnt realize. Him saying that too me though has confirmed 2 things to me.
1. I dont want to work there.
2. Im actually within my rights to threaten legal action after Im told the only reason I didnt get it was because of whats between my legs. Im writing to the head office of our area and leaving a note at the bottom that if there is no action on this (which is against the equality act of 2010) I will be taking it to the very top of the organisation and may whatever god or cosmic forces are out there help the entire Fylde Coast branch of the YMCA if that happens. They can either settle or I will do my utmost to bleed them of ever bit of money I can. Im fuming.
Quote from: jaybutterfly on February 22, 2018, 04:54:02 PM
Work cut my hours down to 4 hours after I applied for a job and didnt get it. Hilariously because without putting it on the job description or application pack, my boss told me 'youre the prime candidate but we only want a lady for the role, which you are not.' Now Im pissed off enough as is that I lost out, but him saying that was a double slap he didnt realize. Him saying that too me though has confirmed 2 things to me.
1. I dont want to work there.
2. Im actually within my rights to threaten legal action after Im told the only reason I didnt get it was because of whats between my legs. Im writing to the head office of our area and leaving a note at the bottom that if there is no action on this (which is against the equality act of 2010) I will be taking it to the very top of the organisation and may whatever god or cosmic forces are out there help the entire Fylde Coast branch of the YMCA if that happens. They can either settle or I will do my utmost to bleed them of ever bit of money I can. Im fuming.
Wow!!! That does suck!!! That's like a bop on the head and a kick butt at the same time, I'd be pissed too
Quote from: V M on February 22, 2018, 05:08:43 PM
Wow!!! That does suck!!! That's like a bop on the head and a kick butt at the same time, I'd be pissed too
I was about to ask 'well what about your other minorities' but that would involve outing myself to the company and one of them I know is a transphobe (if youre a man, be a man its that simple, is something I have heard him say when hes out of earshot of one of our transgender members) and I dont think I would be allowed to keep working there
Seeing him in the mirror the last two days.
WTF?. Wednesday I felt great and even put up a pic in the Fabulous thread. Last two days I've absolutely hated the mirror.
Added medroxyprogesterone to the HRT last week but think it's too soon to blame that.
Maybe it's time to color my hair again, roots are starting to show
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That I can't stop tearing up, and I don't want to talk about it. Both of those I'm sad about.
Quote from: Jessica on February 23, 2018, 01:11:32 PM
That I can't stop tearing up, and I don't want to talk about it. Both of those I'm sad about.
*gives you a big hug*
I hope you feel better soon, sweetie. Really I do.
Quote from: Jessica on February 23, 2018, 01:11:32 PM
That I can't stop tearing up, and I don't want to talk about it. Both of those I'm sad about.
Now young lady enough of that nonsense. As Sephirah said BIG HUG and you know I'm here for you at any time.
Thank you Sephirah and Cindy 💕💕
I do feel much better!
Not so tearful Jess
A pimple on my nose! I'm 58! WTF?
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Feeling consumed by loneliness and neglect
I'm sorry hon, I've been a bit busy, you know you can always message me.
Today was the day after therapy. I'm having to write them off in all respects, because I sleep. At the table, in a chair, on the couch, on the floor, almost by any door - it's hitting me around the park, quietly. Today, alone I've slept for well over 15 hours....
Shattered and broken.
Rowan
VM .....Rowan.... I hope you both feel better. We all have a bond with each other through Susan's and need a hand and support sometimes from one another. I'm here for you anytime you need me.
Hugs, Jessica
Hi Jessica,
I'm ok mainly, I've therapy every fortnight - it takes me two weeks to get to a place where I can face it again - it's only the last couple of sessions that I have been able to identify the "post therapy day" problem - I can have a reasonable nights sleep, and yet be completely unable to stay awake for significant periods of the day after - so it must be doing something... lol. I'm also using it as a guage to remind myself that although I'm feeling 'better' that I still actually have a long way to go...
(Hugs)
Rowan
Quote from: V M on February 24, 2018, 04:01:01 AM
Feeling consumed by loneliness and neglect
Sorry - hope you feel better. Not a good time to tease you about your iguana :(
Quote from: Sno on February 24, 2018, 02:28:49 PM
Hi Jessica,
I'm ok mainly, I've therapy every fortnight - it takes me two weeks to get to a place where I can face it again - it's only the last couple of sessions that I have been able to identify the "post therapy day" problem - I can have a reasonable nights sleep, and yet be completely unable to stay awake for significant periods of the day after - so it must be doing something... lol. I'm also using it as a guage to remind myself that although I'm feeling 'better' that I still actually have a long way to go...
(Hugs)
Rowan
Does therapy trigger emotions that you have about yourself and you have a hard time justifying those feelings? What brings you to the point of continuing therapy on schedule?
I can only surmise that if your feeling down and feeling like sleeping all the time. It may be depression. Going to somewhere and hearing from yourself how you feel and not finding resolution can be taxing on the psyche. If this is the case, talk to your doctor about methods or medication to help. If it's not, discuss this sleep pattern with him and work out a plan for helping with that.
You can PM me anytime your feeling down or just want to say hi!
Smiles, Jess
Quote from: Dee Marshall on February 23, 2018, 09:17:39 PM
A pimple on my nose! I'm 58! WTF?
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
It's called Booperty!
Hi Jess, I'm on meds, and yes, all is in general 'ok' - which is a lot better than the "not good" of the previous months.
Rowan
In my hands is $200 cup of coffee from H&R Block. See they didn't tell us that we were ineligible, for the free 1040EZ, until our taxes were finished. Now we are going to have nearly $200 in fees taken out of my return. ( Including a $12 retirement savings tax credit that cost us 25 bucks. ) .... God bless America.
To make this even sweeter, some creepy dude was hitting on my partner, after we told him that we were married, I then got warned that there were plenty of military guys in this area. I brushed it off, but I'm not naive to what that means....
Oh well. Lots of lessons learned today. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180226/8ddd760ef371e5d78d0251316a07c707.jpg)
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I woke up really sick today. I had to call into work for the first time since 2006 and I can't really afford to be doing that right now. Then I got a notification in the mail that my pharmacy is changing to a different store and since my insurance doesn't cover HRT idk if that means my prices will go up. Then on top of all that my record player stopped working, it's only 2 years old!
Last night I was playing with my dog off leash in the courtyard like I do every night. When my neighbor came home he ran to her door since loves her. I visited with the neighbor for about five minutes in her gallery. I left my dogs leash in the courtyard during. Coming back out I notice somebody took it. Really! A dogs leash! WTF! I would be less mad, but this is the 2nd time this has happened. I am so down on my community right now it's not healthy
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on March 01, 2018, 10:02:14 AM
Last night I was playing with my dog off leash in the courtyard like I do every night. When my neighbor came home he ran to her door since loves her. I visited with the neighbor for about five minutes in her gallery. I left my dogs leash in the courtyard during. Coming back out I notice somebody took it. Really! A dogs leash! WTF! I would be less mad, but this is the 2nd time this has happened. I am so down on my community right now it's not healthy
Bari Jo
Are any of your neighbors into bondage? >:-)
Quote from: V M on March 01, 2018, 10:22:48 AM
Are any of your neighbors into bondage? >:-)
You mean besides me?
:)
People have lost their ability to extend greetings.
Forth time fix (repairclinic.com) for 25yr old washing machine: $70
Septic tank pump: $310
Am now $380 poorer . . . could've bought full set of house batteries /OR/ another solar panel for upcoming summer AC!
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 01, 2018, 06:09:02 PM
People have lost their ability to extend greetings.
Devlyn Marie, I would like to greet you the land of apathy. It's full of souls that just try to make it from day to day. The local news is headlining the traffic jam of self absorbed gobots that's just inside waiting for you.
Though if you prefer, step next door to the land of empathy! You won't be lacking in greetings.
But please before you enter there, try to reach into that land of "my, me, mine" and grab ahold of anyone you can reach, to show them there are others.
Sadly, my daughter will be flying to Long Beach tomorrow to attend the funeral of the father of her girlfriend. Anyway, at the last minute I was "tasked" with compiling a cd of his favorite songs to be played during and after the service. Anyway, we went to one of the Station casinos here in Vegas and received our free bottles of Malibu Rum (Casinos tend to have giveaways for locals every week).
Afterwards, we went to a Walgreens to buy some blank cds so I could burn the songs onto them. As I was paying for the CDs, my daughter went to check out the fingernails and I met her there a few minutes later.
I have no problem looking at the stuff even as a "Male" though I have been called "Babe" a couple of times. Anyway, while we're checking out the nails I see a product that you buy and place on your boobs that covers the nipples so you supposedly don't have to wear a bra. Hummmm, never colors too, lol.
Quote from: lds98498 on February 25, 2018, 09:14:36 PM
In my hands is $200 cup of coffee from H&R Block. See they didn't tell us that we were ineligible, for the free 1040EZ, until our taxes were finished. Now we are going to have nearly $200 in fees taken out of my return. ( Including a $12 retirement savings tax credit that cost us 25 bucks. ) .... God bless America.
To make this even sweeter, some creepy dude was hitting on my partner, after we told him that we were married, I then got warned that there were plenty of military guys in this area. I brushed it off, but I'm not naive to what that means....
Oh well. Lots of lessons learned today. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180226/8ddd760ef371e5d78d0251316a07c707.jpg)
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You seriously need to contact your local newspaper or news station. That's BS and you are victims.
Cassi,
You're so right, $200 coffee in a plastic cup... crime of the century.
Ids98498, that's terrible hon, really awful :(
Rowan
Quote from: Kiera on March 01, 2018, 07:41:33 PM
Forth time fix (repairclinic.com) for 25yr old washing machine: $70
Septic tank pump: $310
Am now $380 poorer . . . could've bought full set of house batteries /OR/ another solar panel for upcoming summer AC!
My washing machine died to waiting for a repairman to come back as the one they sent said I dont know this machine and left. My shower tap broke I fixed that myself although I have now learned I have become ditsy myselfI dont know why but I have I think it is coming out more and more now. :(
My dieting has collapsed, and I don't know why. I just eat and eat and can't seem to stop myself. I wake up every morning thinking today I'm getting back on track, then nope! Something goes off. Yesterday it was needing to pick up my dad's car for him, which happened to be parked by Huddle House in a sales lot. (Huddle House is a waffle house esque diner chain, I know not everywhere has them.) Well, I had a really great coupon so I thought great, I'll grab a cheap meal. The problem then was I ordered my cheap meal (a lean burger with a small amount of fries, not health food but not horrible), then also ordered some limited edition oreo pancakes they have. That are 1000 calories. And weren't even very good. But I ate them anyway. This morning it was my step brother asking me if I wanted to order pizza. I was going to eat a 250 calorie frozen dinner, but the pizza was just too tempting and I broke down and ordered it. Annnnnnnnnnnnd then ate the whole thing. So that was 2000 calories instead of 250. And its barely past noon.
I want to just cry, I am so down on myself for not keeping up with the diet. Losing a good bit of weight by summer means a lot to me, but I just can't seem to get myself back on track no matter how motivated I am.
Quote from: Roll on March 02, 2018, 11:20:27 AM
My dieting has collapsed, and I don't know why. I just eat and eat and can't seem to stop myself. I wake up every morning thinking today I'm getting back on track, then nope! Something goes off. Yesterday it was needing to pick up my dad's car for him, which happened to be parked by Huddle House in a sales lot. (Huddle House is a waffle house esque diner chain, I know not everywhere has them.) Well, I had a really great coupon so I thought great, I'll grab a cheap meal. The problem then was I ordered my cheap meal (a lean burger with a small amount of fries, not health food but not horrible), then also ordered some limited edition oreo pancakes they have. That are 1000 calories. And weren't even very good. But I ate them anyway. This morning it was my step brother asking me if I wanted to order pizza. I was going to eat a 250 calorie frozen dinner, but the pizza was just too tempting and I broke down and ordered it. Annnnnnnnnnnnd then ate the whole thing. So that was 2000 calories instead of 250. And its barely past noon.
I want to just cry, I am so down on myself for not keeping up with the diet. Losing a good bit of weight by summer means a lot to me, but I just can't seem to get myself back on track no matter how motivated I am.
Dieting is really hard. Being hungry all the time is one of the most difficult things to get used to. Yesterday I dropped by Sonic at lunch time to grab a limeade, since it was happy hour. I ended up getting a rt 44 size one, along with a burger, tots, and an oreo cheesecake shake. :eusa_doh:
It's hard enough driving by some place that sounds really good, but friends and family are seriously the worst when you're dieting. They'll always tempt you with wonderfully delicious foods that are jam-packed with calories. The woman I live with is always making some extravagant meal, including a large portion for me. I've stopped trying to do my own meals (I feel bad about wasted food, and if I don't eat it, she'll toss it). I do keep some fairly low-calorie frozen meals around for the rare days when she's too tired to cook anything, though.
I'd suggest telling people that you're dieting, and ask them not to tempt you with things like pizza. I know it doesn't always work, but it may at least cut down on the temptations.
I wonder if I could make a device linked to my phone's GPS that would shock me anytime I tried to pull into a fat-food place (that was a typo, but I chose to keep it :D ).
Quote from: Sarah_P on March 02, 2018, 12:34:23 PM
Dieting is really hard. Being hungry all the time is one of the most difficult things to get used to. Yesterday I dropped by Sonic at lunch time to grab a limeade, since it was happy hour. I ended up getting a rt 44 size one, along with a burger, tots, and an oreo cheesecake shake. :eusa_doh:
It's hard enough driving by some place that sounds really good, but friends and family are seriously the worst when you're dieting. They'll always tempt you with wonderfully delicious foods that are jam-packed with calories. The woman I live with is always making some extravagant meal, including a large portion for me. I've stopped trying to do my own meals (I feel bad about wasted food, and if I don't eat it, she'll toss it). I do keep some fairly low-calorie frozen meals around for the rare days when she's too tired to cook anything, though.
I'd suggest telling people that you're dieting, and ask them not to tempt you with things like pizza. I know it doesn't always work, but it may at least cut down on the temptations.
I wonder if I could make a device linked to my phone's GPS that would shock me anytime I tried to pull into a fat-food place (that was a typo, but I chose to keep it :D ).
Part of the problem is that I'm surrounded by enablers who don't even have a clue what they are doing while attempting to be nice, so its not even like I can yell at them or hate them for it (plus its my own problem to begin with). If I'm only eating stuff I buy, its pretty healthy. Sure, I'll splurge at the store and get a snack I shouldn't, but that's gone in a day or two. But for example, my step mother showed up for my birthday last week with two cakes. TWO CAKES. For 5 people! Plus ice cream! And then my sister trying to be sweet and make up for a disaster during Christmas, got me a big thing of holiday peanut butter cups and oreo candy bars (which are the same density of calories as a stick of butter). And then I also got one of those monthly import snack boxes. That... was too much candy and cake. And I ate it all. See, sweet and thoughtful, but really terrible for dieting. :/ My sister and dad can eat anything and not put on weight so all they do is keep junk food around without a second thought, my step mother is tiny but she will just feed everyone else until they die(over buys desserts for parties, etc.), and my step brother has a severe weight problem with not a single care to change it. So it's not a great environment in which to diet at all, particularly when your major issue is just willpower to begin with. If food is put in front of me (including just on a menu), I eat it, simple as that. If it's not, I don't think much about it and go through the day fine without craving it except the occasional pizza.
Quote from: Roll on March 02, 2018, 01:02:55 PM
Part of the problem is that I'm surrounded by enablers who don't even have a clue what they are doing while attempting to be nice, so its not even like I can yell at them or hate them for it (plus its my own problem to begin with). If I'm only eating stuff I buy, its pretty healthy. Sure, I'll splurge at the store and get a snack I shouldn't, but that's gone in a day or two. But for example, my step mother showed up for my birthday last week with two cakes. TWO CAKES. For 5 people! Plus ice cream! And then my sister trying to be sweet and make up for a disaster during Christmas, got me a big thing of holiday peanut butter cups and oreo candy bars (which are the same density of calories as a stick of butter). And then I also got one of those monthly import snack boxes. That... was too much candy and cake. And I ate it all. See, sweet and thoughtful, but really terrible for dieting. :/ My sister and dad can eat anything and not put on weight so all they do is keep junk food around without a second thought, my step mother is tiny but she will just feed everyone else until they die(over buys desserts for parties, etc.), and my step brother has a severe weight problem with not a single care to change it. So it's not a great environment in which to diet at all, particularly when your major issue is just willpower to begin with. If food is put in front of me (including just on a menu), I eat it, simple as that. If it's not, I don't think much about it and go through the day fine without craving it except the occasional pizza.
I totally understand what you are saying one of the girls I work with she can eat anything and everything she eats a whole bag of chips every night and weighs 120 pounds and is 5'8 I am 5'7 165 pounds I dream to be her weight. See we take turns and cook for each she can eat 4 times what I can. I am at the point where it seems that I look at food and I gain weight. I have been trying to loose weight to. She always says well one will not hurt you so I know about enabling it is hard but even if you are just loosing a pound a week that is still great. I am wishing you the best and hope you can loose the weight you want.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 02, 2018, 01:25:59 PM
I totally understand what you are saying one of the girls I work with she can eat anything and everything she eats a whole bag of chips every night and weighs 120 pounds and is 5'8 I am 5'7 165 pounds I dream to be her weight. See we take turns and cook for each she can eat 4 times what I can. I am at the point where it seems that I look at food and I gain weight. I have been trying to loose weight to. She always says well one will not hurt you so I know about enabling it is hard but even if you are just loosing a pound a week that is still great. I am wishing you the best and hope you can loose the weight you want.
My partner is like that. She can eat the same amount as me despite being literally half my size and it's an achievement of she puts on weight. Consequently she doesn't have any need to be careful with what she eats and dieting is like impossible if you have to cook for two every night :(
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Well I saw my aunts and uncles on my fathers side today for the first time in 2 years. What I thought could be a good experience turned out that. I have one aunt that will still talk to me and love me and the rest can go shove it. 10 more people are now out of my life we were never close so it does not hurt as much.
extremely rude customer today at work. I was putting up a cart, he called out my name (it's on the name tag), and when I looked up, he said "you ain't no Kenny, you know you a girl. you're pretty," and then he walked out. just bafflingly uncalled for on so many levels i don't even know where to start.
also, having a fever because the pharmacy can't get their stuff together and get me my sinus meds already.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 02, 2018, 03:45:43 PM
Well I saw my aunts and uncles on my fathers side today for the first time in 2 years. What I thought could be a good experience turned out that. I have one aunt that will still talk to me and love me and the rest can go shove it. 10 more people are now out of my life we were never close so it does not hurt as much.
I am glad you have that nice aunt.
Chrissy
Quote from: meatwagon on March 02, 2018, 07:12:24 PM
extremely rude customer today at work. I was putting up a cart, he called out my name (it's on the name tag), and when I looked up, he said "you ain't no Kenny, you know you a girl. you're pretty," and then he walked out. just bafflingly uncalled for on so many levels i don't even know where to start.
also, having a fever because the pharmacy can't get their stuff together and get me my sinus meds already.
Sometimes people just suck. I get that every once in awhile too at work. Sometimes people never out grow the school yard bully routine. Just don't acknowledge them anymore than your job requires you too. If their mission is to invalidate who you are, then they failed big time, because they don't get to decide who you are.
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Quote from: Cassi on March 01, 2018, 10:54:19 PM
You seriously need to contact your local newspaper or news station. That's BS and you are victims.
Still trying to figure out the right person to complain to. I'm not one that likes to get confrontational.( I am actually afraid of both being confrontational and being in confrontations if that makes any sense.) But I don't want to just give away $200 either.
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Quote from: Sno on March 02, 2018, 03:54:30 AM
Cassi,
You're so right, $200 coffee in a plastic cup... crime of the century.
Ids98498, that's terrible hon, really awful :(
Rowan
When they asked me if I wanted another cup of coffee, I said heck yes. For that money I should have took the coffee maker too . ( Just kidding. )
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Quote from: lds98498 on March 02, 2018, 08:52:18 PM
Still trying to figure out the right person to complain to. I'm not one that likes to get confrontational.( I am actually afraid of both being confrontational and being in confrontations if that makes any sense.) But I don't want to just give away $200 either.
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Call the City Desk at your local newspaper. Explain your story and I'm sure they connect you with someone and try your local news station. Nothing shakes a questionable tax preparer than coming under the microscope of media. You could also contact the Internal Revenue Service and report their practice.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 02, 2018, 01:25:59 PM
I totally understand what you are saying one of the girls I work with she can eat anything and everything she eats a whole bag of chips every night and weighs 120 pounds and is 5'8
Don't you just want to tie her down and drip water on her forehead with an eyedropper for like, oh, two weeks, until she goes stark raving
insane?I'm replying to the thread, not to your post in particular; but I had to say that, and also that your avatar is stunning.
I work part-time at an all-night convenience store that sells pizza and subs on the side. My job is night shift in the deli section. I'm by myself all night, and I've got so much to get done that every little interruption turns my night upside-down. It's very stressful. Well, the person who relieves me is very exacting. She's very good at her job, knows my job just as well, is in good with the boss ... and she's not happy with me, because I don't perform to her satisfaction. Now, I know I'm relatively new. I started in November, and I only work two days a week. Maybe she's not being unfair; I don't know. But I'm one of those people for whom a kind word is very motivating, and lack of a kind word is devastating. I've always been more motivated by praise than anything else. Last night was hell -- well, to be honest, most nights are no picnic -- and, as usual, when my relief came in she treated me like you-know-what.
I was stuck there, with her, for another hour to an hour-and-a-half, because I still had duties to perform. I tried to speak with her pleasantly when she came in, and she barely acknowledged me. I just knew she hated me, hated following me, etc. I continued doing what I had to do, and I was on the verge of tears (estrogen; this has been happening a lot lately). Yes, it was validating; but, on the other hand, I was ready to quit my job over this.
I was miserable. Then, the assistant manager on duty came up to me and we talked. I told him how I felt, and he gave me some important feedback and information. It was nice.
Is this what men do? Take charge and manage? If so, how comforting. I like being made to feel safe, in my emotional upheaval. Truth is, I always have -- no surprise there (d-uh).
Anyway ... a rough day, with a few silver linings.
Kind of mixed feelings. Earlier today I decided to stop by the local VFW just to get out of the apartment without going and blowing money at a casino.
Anyway, as I was brushing my hair (comb no good anymore), I looked at myself and realized that face was really changing. Kinda awkward, male-female but I had my glasses and baseball cap so I went. Last time I had a drink that contained alcohol was a couple of beers on Thanksgiving. Anyway, I went and had two beers. I didn't know anyone so it's an uneventful event.
Quote from: AnnMarie2017 on March 03, 2018, 10:24:56 AM
Don't you just want to tie her down and drip water on her forehead with an eyedropper for like, oh, two weeks, until she goes stark raving insane?
I'm replying to the thread, not to your post in particular; but I had to say that, and also that your avatar is stunning.
I work part-time at an all-night convenience store that sells pizza and subs on the side. My job is night shift in the deli section. I'm by myself all night, and I've got so much to get done that every little interruption turns my night upside-down. It's very stressful. Well, the person who relieves me is very exacting. She's very good at her job, knows my job just as well, is in good with the boss ... and she's not happy with me, because I don't perform to her satisfaction. Now, I know I'm relatively new. I started in November, and I only work two days a week. Maybe she's not being unfair; I don't know. But I'm one of those people for whom a kind word is very motivating, and lack of a kind word is devastating. I've always been more motivated by praise than anything else. Last night was hell -- well, to be honest, most nights are no picnic -- and, as usual, when my relief came in she treated me like you-know-what.
I was stuck there, with her, for another hour to an hour-and-a-half, because I still had duties to perform. I tried to speak with her pleasantly when she came in, and she barely acknowledged me. I just knew she hated me, hated following me, etc. I continued doing what I had to do, and I was on the verge of tears (estrogen; this has been happening a lot lately). Yes, it was validating; but, on the other hand, I was ready to quit my job over this.
I was miserable. Then, the assistant manager on duty came up to me and we talked. I told him how I felt, and he gave me some important feedback and information. It was nice.
Is this what men do? Take charge and manage? If so, how comforting. I like being made to feel safe, in my emotional upheaval. Truth is, I always have -- no surprise there (d-uh).
Anyway ... a rough day, with a few silver linings.
Hi AnnMarie2017 , I want to say thank you, you made me smile. Is there a head manager there? Do you live in a place that has harassment and bulling laws, here in Ontario it is part of our Health and Safety act. You can look into the laws where you live and advise you mangers.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 03, 2018, 07:23:40 PM
Is there a head manager there? Do you live in a place that has harassment and bulling laws, here in Ontario it is part of our Health and Safety act. You can look into the laws where you live and advise you mangers.
There are protections in place; but, although I think this kind of thing does qualify as bullying, it's passive rather than aggressive. She's not actively trying to make my job more unpleasant; she just isn't going out of her way to hide the way she feels. Too, she is very well thought-of by the powers-that-be, and, from what I can gather, for good reason. A good worker who knows her job. In addition, this is the first place I worked as me; when I got hired, even before my name changed, I came out as trans and asked to go under my real name, and they were very accommodating. So, I really don't want to rock the boat here. Maybe if I had been here longer, I might be more vocal; but I don't want to be seen as a problem, regardless of my rights. This place is hard on everyone, including the managers. Very stressful.
I'm just glad the assistant manager on duty talked with me today. He was one of the first to make an effort to gender me correctly and treat me like a girl. :) It was very comforting.
I came here to post this, and discovered I've posted more than once in this topic over the last several days. I feel ... self-involved, and self-indulgent. Do yourself a favor and just skip over this post; I just needed to vent. I'll try not to do it again for awhile.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm glad this topic is here. Even if no one reads this, it's good to have some place to express it.
Today started out wonderfully well; I was in the best mood I've been in for a long time. Then, when I wanted to put on my eye makeup, the applicator was gone. It's been downhill ever since.
I know my apartment is a disaster area. What with working seven days a week and dealing with the aftermath of my name change, when am I going to find the time to clean? Yesterday – you won't believe this. I have two Visa cards with a specific, major bank. Although the same bank manages both accounts, I sent full documentation for each account separately. There were no wrinkles; my name was changed on both accounts and I have received my new credit cards. It's a major bank, after all.
Then I went to the website to pay my bill – and it deadnamed me. I called the bank. The regular customer service people were helpless; they transferred me to their computer people. Their computer people told me I would have to take proof of my name change into my local branch in order to get my name changed on the website. Now, I have had a credit card with this bank for nearly 10 years, and not once have I seen the inside of a branch. The nearest branch of this particular bank, major though it is, is more than 100 miles from me and in a different state. I have already demonstrated the legitimacy of my name change to this company; are you telling me that the left hand can't talk to the right hand?
When I said something like this to the computer person, I was told there was nothing else they could do. I was transferred back to customer service. When this customer service representative also told me there was no alternative, I asked to speak to a supervisor. When the supervisor got hold of it, things began to change; and, believe me, it was no picnic for her, either. I spent a number of minutes on hold and then came into a three-way conversation in which the supervisor explained matters to a supervisor in the computer section. This second supervisor acknowledged that the problem was theirs, not mine, but told me it was going to take 1-2 days to fix and she would have to refer it to their problem solvers. That's where things ended.
This is the kind of thing I've gone through a number of times now. Apparently, many systems just aren't set up to handle our situation. And each one takes precious time to address. This adventure took nearly an hour.
So, my apartment is a pig sty. Nevertheless, I keep my eye makeup applicators in one place and one place only in my apartment, because they're dirty with makeup: on a paper towel, on top of the microwave in the kitchen. I never put them anywhere else, because I don't want makeup all over the place; I have enough problems keeping the bathroom clean as it is. Today, I went to the kitchen to get the applicator – and it wasn't there. This experience was only a little less disorienting than discovering that the earth really is flat after all. Putting my eye makeup applicator on top of the microwave is almost a natural law, like gravity.
This is the kind of thing that makes you wonder if you're got early-stage Alzheimers. I actually looked in the refrigerator. I was freaking out. I didn't find it, so no eye makeup at work today; and, after wasting time looking for it, in my haste to get out the door I forgot to put on lipstick. And my hair was particularly uncooperative today. All-in-all, today started off brilliantly, then took a sharp nosedive descent into Purgatory. Please, Day; get better.
I stopped on the way to work to get lunch and bought a small bag of M&Ms. I don't know what your experience has been, but since HRT chocolate has become a richer, fuller experience for me. When I was able to take a minute at work, I savored my way through the bag. M&Ms are one of the best readily-available confectionery experiences on the planet; I think I'm going to start carrying a bag in my purse for emergencies – a nice antidote for a meltdown.
Thank you, topic, for giving me a place to post this without feeling like a narcissistic windbag.
So, that was my day. How was yours?
Plain or Peanut?
Quote from: Cassi on March 06, 2018, 12:22:36 AM
Plain or Peanut?
Peanut, every time.
I'm not knocking Plain. They're good, and I once ate some in desperation (no Peanut available). I don't look down on people who prefer them.
But I'm a Peanut girl. Oh, yum. ;D
Quote from: AnnMarie2017 on March 06, 2018, 12:40:58 AM
Peanut, every time.
I'm not knocking Plain. They're good, and I once ate some in desperation (no Peanut available). I don't look down on people who prefer them.
But I'm a Peanut girl. Oh, yum. ;D
Personally, I would have said I was a nut girl :) Actually, I agree. The peanut ones tend to last longer while you're figgiting the peanut pieces :)
Quote from: AnnMarie2017 on March 06, 2018, 12:40:58 AM
Peanut, every time.
I'm not knocking Plain. They're good, and I once ate some in desperation (no Peanut available). I don't look down on people who prefer them.
But I'm a Peanut girl. Oh, yum. ;D
Good choice! Peanut is decidedly superior. You can also tell yourself that they're good for you, since the peanuts are a source of protein. ;D
Peanut Butter > Peanut/Plain/Caramel/Pretzel/Etc.
I found out today that the only person I've told didn't keep it a secret like I asked her to and when I came home I discovered that my roommate had poked around my room, even moving my bed to look behind it. I don't know for sure if the two are related but it doesn't seem too farfetched.
I feel bad only posting this today because I'm not contributing meaningfully to the forum. I do appreciate that I can come here and write down the above, it's as close as I get to confiding in a friend or what have you.
Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on March 06, 2018, 11:56:32 PM
I found out today that the only person I've told didn't keep it a secret like I asked her to and when I came home I discovered that my roommate had poked around my room, even moving my bed to look behind it. I don't know for sure if the two are related but it doesn't seem too farfetched.
I feel bad only posting this today because I'm not contributing meaningfully to the forum. I do appreciate that I can come here and write down the above, it's as close as I get to confiding in a friend or what have you.
Sorry about your privacy issue being dishonored. And as far as I'm concerned helping each other here is key so feel safe.
Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on March 06, 2018, 11:56:32 PM
I found out today that the only person I've told didn't keep it a secret like I asked her to and when I came home I discovered that my roommate had poked around my room, even moving my bed to look behind it. I don't know for sure if the two are related but it doesn't seem too farfetched.
I feel bad only posting this today because I'm not contributing meaningfully to the forum. I do appreciate that I can come here and write down the above, it's as close as I get to confiding in a friend or what have you.
I'm so sorry your trust was betrayed. I would have a serious talk with your roommate about invasion of privacy.
I hope you feel that we at Susan's can be trusted. You are wanted and needed here, even if you just read the experiences of others. Join in when you feel you can. Sometimes things just are overwhelming and all you feel you can do is listen.
Hugs, Jessica
Well the guy I was talking to and was going to meet in a few weeks said he really wanted to meet me so since I was of this weekend I would pay for his bus ticket to come down today I was all excited and left work early took a shower went to go pick him up at the bus terminal and found out he stood me up I feel a little heart broken I thought we had so much in common and he was so happy to talk to me. Now I called him and his number is out of service.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 09, 2018, 10:07:47 PM
Well the guy I was talking to and was going to meet in a few weeks said he really wanted to meet me so since I was of this weekend I would pay for his bus ticket to come down today I was all excited and left work early took a shower went to go pick him up at the bus terminal and found out he stood me up I feel a little heart broken I thought we had so much in common and he was so happy to talk to me. Now I called him and his number is out of service.
And he cashed in the ticket?
Quote from: Cassi on March 09, 2018, 10:12:49 PM
And he cashed in the ticket?
Yes he sent me a pic of him on a bus I think he is a scam artist
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 09, 2018, 10:19:44 PM
Yes he sent me a pic of him on a bus I think he is a scam artist
Sorry you had to experience this. Sadly, before letting Cassi out I was on POF and every now and then I'd get some young woman trying to hook up with me.
Never fell for anything though. It can be tough, and con artists know which buttons to push.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 09, 2018, 10:19:44 PM
Yes he sent me a pic of him on a bus I think he is a scam artist
@ natalie.ashlyne: I am so very sorry that you got taken advantage of in that way.... there are many untrustworthy men and women creeps out there always eager to scam trusting souls like yourself. I bet that you won't do that kind of thing again. I am certain that you are aware that it could have been worse. I am very glad that you are OK.
....Please be more cautious in the future.
hugs,
Danielle ..... formerly Aspiringperson
Work has been pretty tough recently. I'm leaving later this year to change careers but I've got another 5 months to go which just seems like forever.
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Quote from: MollyPants on March 10, 2018, 01:24:39 AM
Work has been pretty tough recently. I'm leaving later this year to change careers but I've got another 5 months to go which just seems like forever.
Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk
@ MollyPants: So sorry to read about your tough job situation recently... for your own sanity it is good that you are planning to change careers later this year.... but for now,
just be very glad that you have a job in these difficult economic times.
Wishing you the best,
Danielle ...
formerly Aspiringperson
Well, I'm unhappy because my almost newest best friend, Appy, disappeared and was apparently kidnapped by pod people and I miss her!
In short! Unhappy bout Appy!!!!!!
Quote from: Cassi on March 06, 2018, 12:22:36 AM
Plain or Peanut?
Peanut. It's a weak spot for me as are crunchy Cheetos. Haven't had them in over 8 months though.
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Quote from: Gertrude on March 11, 2018, 08:35:09 AM
Peanut. It's a weak spot for me as are crunchy Cheetos. Haven't had them in over 8 months though.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
Been doing Blue Diamonds here, lol.
Almonds, not LSD
Well, my landlady's dead.
I disliked her, since she treated me much worse than any of the other tenants, but I didn't particularly want to read that she'd died this morning. Funeral's tomorrow. Doubt I would be welcome showing my face there anyway, but I might pass by. Death shouldn't fail to make an impression and an improvement for the people left, whoever it is. Whenever it happens, it does make me think, and maybe something worthwhile comes out of that for me, I don't know.
I wish a couple of my creepy neighbors would fall over dead... I'd throw a party :eusa_dance:
Speaking of creepy neighbors, this guy got all up yelling and calling me names, he told me I was an a-hole and so I said
"Thank you, I do my best"
Quote from: V M on March 11, 2018, 02:40:29 PM
I wish a couple of my creepy neighbors would fall over dead... I'd throw a party :eusa_dance:
Speaking of creepy neighbors, this guy got all up yelling and calling me names, he told me I was an a-hole and so I said
"Thank you, I do my best"
Was this the parcel steal'n guy?
Quote from: Cassi on March 11, 2018, 04:07:18 PM
Was this the parcel steal'n guy?
How did you guess? I'm wondering where I can buy a custom made voodoo doll that would actually work 8)
Breathing
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Quote from: Cassi on March 10, 2018, 12:46:49 PM
Well, I'm unhappy because my almost newest best friend, Appy, disappeared and was apparently kidnapped by pod people and I miss her!
In short! Unhappy bout Appy!!!!!!
@ Cassi: "Appy" is here! .... I was Shanghi'ed and taken to Alaska and they changed my name...
Oh by the way... I kind of liked that you nick-named me Appy.
Danielle ....
formerly Aspiringperson aka: Appy
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 11, 2018, 04:22:27 PM
@ Cassi: "Appy" is here! .... I was Shanghi'ed and taken to Alaska and they changed my name...
Oh by the way... I kind of liked that you nick-named me Appy.
Danielle .... formerly Aspiringperson aka: Appy
@ Cassi... oh and I added YOU to my "Buddy List"
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 11, 2018, 04:25:11 PM
@ Cassi... oh and I added YOU to my "Buddy List"
Oh, I'm soooooooooooooooooo delighted and happy to see you!!!!!
And I'm glad you like "Appy". From my own experience it takes a while to come to terms with a name. Think Cassi was my 3rd attempt as when I signed on I was CalDudette, but honestly it seems sooooooooooooooo long ago:)
Quote from: Cassi on March 11, 2018, 04:30:40 PM
Oh, I'm soooooooooooooooooo delighted and happy to see you!!!!!
And I'm glad you like "Appy". From my own experience it takes a while to come to terms with a name. Think Cassi was my 3rd attempt as when I signed on I was CalDudette, but honestly it seems sooooooooooooooo long ago:)
@ Cassi: When I first signed up on here I was a little apprehensive so I tried to choose a member name that seemed appropriate at the time.... but now, I am very comfortable being here so I just changed it to my real name... makes it easier for me!!!
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 11, 2018, 04:56:19 PM
@ Cassi: When I first signed up on here I was a little apprehensive so I tried to choose a member name that seemed appropriate at the time.... but now, I am very comfortable being here so I just changed it to my real name... makes it easier for me!!!
Danielle
Like totally understand :)
Um, like... This is the "Unhappy" thread ::) We do also have a happy thread LOL
Quote from: V M on March 11, 2018, 05:12:28 PM
Um, like... This is the "Unhappy" thread ::) We do also have a happy thread LOL
Thank you VM - I still love you too!
Does anyone else get the 'Daylight Savings Time' blahs? Feel like I've been dragging my tail all day
Plus I woke up with a cold :P Maybe that's why I feel so blah
I am definitely missing that hour of sleep right about now.
Daylight Stealing Time.
Quote from: V M on March 11, 2018, 06:57:32 PM
Does anyone else get the 'Daylight Savings Time' blahs? Feel like I've been dragging my tail all day
Plus I woke up with a cold :P Maybe that's why I feel so blah
Get better and geet rid of yur kold.
Quote from: V M on March 11, 2018, 06:57:32 PM
Does anyone else get the 'Daylight Savings Time' blahs? Feel like I've been dragging my tail all day
Plus I woke up with a cold :P Maybe that's why I feel so blah
Feel better :)
I had to it too. Stayed home all day. . It was beautiful day out too. I saw it from my window.
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All you sickies get better and do it now!
Quote from: Cassi on March 12, 2018, 11:24:33 AM
All you sickies get better and do it now!
Cassi: I have been quite fortunate lately and not getting sick and not getting the flu or even a bad cold.
Every morning I have been drinking 1 or even 2 big glasses of V8 Juice
(2 servings of vegetables and 140% of Vitamin C and only 50 calories per serving) and take a few multi-vitamins along with my HRT meds.
So far, so good..... plus I like V8 Juice.... I am aware that there are many that do not but that is OK.
Appy aka: Danielle
formerly Aspiringperson
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 12, 2018, 11:31:19 AM
Cassi: I have been quite fortunate lately and not getting sick and not getting the flu or even a bad cold.
Every morning I have been drinking 1 or even 2 big glasses of V8 Juice (2 servings of vegetables and 140% of Vitamin C and only 50 calories per serving) and take a few multi-vitamins along with my HRT meds.
So far, so good..... plus I like V8 Juice.... I am aware that there are many that do not but that is OK.
Appy aka: Danielle formerly Aspiringperson
I'm glad to hear that you're okay and I like V8 myself - use to like it more with volka in it, lol.
I think the worse I've been was in January 2017. I flew from Houston to Long Beach to visit family I hadn't seen in 3 years and got sick, stayed sick, and continued to be sick for three more weeks when I returned to Texas. Even lost my voice, lol - to some people total happiness :)
Quote from: Christy Lee on March 12, 2018, 12:23:47 AM
Feel better :)
Christy Lee, sweetheart, you need visine.
Stephen Hawking died. :icon_cry2:
That a young, pretty and humourously self deprecating woman fancied a bit of a chat as we worked but my mind defaulted back to self defence mode, up went the barricades, armed guards posted and turret manned.
Excuses made, ran off and hid for a bit.
Goodness me it's everything about me that's messed up,not just transgenderness
I've barely slept in the last few nights. I think last night I got maybe an hour? Probably not even that. This stupid cough keeps waking me up, usually just at the moment I'm about to drift off. I never imagined an illness could be so sadistic...
More snow!!! :P What I thought to be a simple cold seems to keep getting progressively worse, woke up and could hardly breath
I'm sure it will clear up eventually but right now I'm hatin' on being a miserable gurgling yuck n' muck monster :P
Quote from: V M on March 15, 2018, 03:01:14 AM
More snow!!! :P What I thought to be a simple cold seems to keep getting progressively worse, woke up and could hardly breath
I'm sure it will clear up eventually but right now I'm hatin' on being a miserable gurgling yuck n' muck monster :P
Had to get up on a chair to get to the AC intake vent to check out the AC Filter. Wouldn't even make a good Eclipse viewer because not even sunlight could get through it. Ended up taking the vacujum which I luckily repaired last week and cleaned it up.
Just in time for daughter to insanely run the AC because it was 75 degrees upstairs - Almost froze up cute button nose off and wake up to heater being left on.
Sniffles all morning :(
Quote from: Cassi on March 15, 2018, 12:24:38 PM
Had to get up on a chair to get to the AC intake vent to check out the AC Filter. Wouldn't even make a good Eclipse viewer because not even sunlight could get through it. Ended up taking the vacujum which I luckily repaired last week and cleaned it up.
Just in time for daughter to insanely run the AC because it was 75 degrees upstairs - Almost froze up cute button nose off and wake up to heater being left on.
Sniffles all morning :(
OK
Cassi.... pleaser quit bragging about your Air Conditioner. Here where I live, this early morning it was 4 degrees F and today's high will only be 19 deg F... lots of snow on the ground and ice on the cars and more snow coming in the next few days. At home I have my heat on, and also a nice propane stove in the Living Room next to my reading chair.... and I am doing a lot of baking and cooking so I can stay near the heat from the oven and stove!!!
Danielle
Quote from: V M on March 15, 2018, 03:01:14 AM
More snow!!! :P What I thought to be a simple cold seems to keep getting progressively worse, woke up and could hardly breath
I'm sure it will clear up eventually but right now I'm hatin' on being a miserable gurgling yuck n' muck monster :P
@ V M: I hate it when I get all congested ...and it seems that this winter is worse than ever... some people here that I know have had the colds and congestion and coughing and hacking ....hang on for up to a month or even more. I have been fortunate to have missed all of that fun. When I do get really congested I have found the best OTC remedy for me seems to be Mucinex
I hope that you get well soon... it is miserable being miserable.
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 15, 2018, 01:39:03 PM
OK Cassi.... pleaser quit bragging about your Air Conditioner. Here where I live, this early morning it was 4 degrees F and today's high will only be 19 deg F... lots of snow on the ground and ice on the cars and more snow coming in the next few days. At home I have my heat on, and also a nice propane stove in the Living Room next to my reading chair.... and I am doing a lot of baking and cooking so I can stay near the heat from the oven and stove!!!
Danielle
Did the solar storm give you a light show?
Quote from: V M on March 15, 2018, 03:01:14 AM
More snow!!! :P What I thought to be a simple cold seems to keep getting progressively worse, woke up and could hardly breath
I'm sure it will clear up eventually but right now I'm hatin' on being a miserable gurgling yuck n' muck monster :P
I don't know how your body responds to bugs, but if it keeps getting worst, consider seeing a doctor. For some reason lately there seem to be a lot of pneumonia going around and it can be pretty dangerous for some people.
Yeah the gurgle sounds like a bad sign to me, a trip to the doc might be wise to do sooner than later.
Quote from: Sarah_P on March 14, 2018, 03:49:52 PM
I've barely slept in the last few nights. I think last night I got maybe an hour? Probably not even that. This stupid cough keeps waking me up, usually just at the moment I'm about to drift off. I never imagined an illness could be so sadistic...
I use Nyquil, because you can't be miserable if you're comatose.
Quote from: Dena on March 15, 2018, 05:17:31 PM
I don't know how your body responds to bugs, but if it keeps getting worst, consider seeing a doctor. For some reason lately there seem to be a lot of pneumonia going around and it can be pretty dangerous for some people.
True, there has been an outbreak of pneumonia this year and it is a concern of mine - One of my neighbors was in hospital for three days
I'll try to get in to be seen
Yesterday I had a guy somewhat aggressively tap my shoulder to move over so his wife can sit on the subway. Today I had a guy tell me he's getting out, but it was very packed and no one was moving. He started yelling at me...
I mean the second one was unfortunate, and I know how irritaring it was, but like he really didn't have to scream at me like I'm trash basically.
So now I'm wondering if it's because I'm 6 months on mtf hrt people are starting to see me as weaker/less likely to lash back at them? I obviously would never, unless I'm in danger, because there are some real psychos. But I'm also pretty sure pre hrt, I never had anything close to these situations happen to me. It could be that I look younger too? And yes both men were much taller than me.
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Probably because you're more laid back now?
Went for my prescription, forgot it's methadone day & the chemists full of smackrats.
Quote from: Cassi on March 15, 2018, 09:34:02 PM
Probably because you're more laid back now?
What do you mean?
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Quote from: Allison S on March 16, 2018, 03:01:56 AM
What do you mean?
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
As a male since I can remember I was always told to be prepared, watchful of my surroundings and ready to respond to anything. This effected how I walked, talked, body language - the whole enchilada.
Everyone who knew me before beginning HRT and now, have all stated that my mannerisms aren't as "tense" for lack of a better word.
People, who normally would have read the old me would never talked or approached me in an over-bearing way. Now, however, I'm way laid back and at times a target for some.
Make sense?
Quote from: Cassi on March 16, 2018, 01:59:03 PM
As a male since I can remember I was always told to be prepared, watchful of my surroundings and ready to respond to anything. This effected how I walked, talked, body language - the whole enchilada.
Everyone who knew me before beginning HRT and now, have all stated that my mannerisms aren't as "tense" for lack of a better word.
People, who normally would have read the old me would never talked or approached me in an over-bearing way. Now, however, I'm way laid back and at times a target for some.
Make sense?
Maybe.. I mean I don't know. I do feel generally calmer after hrt but I don't think I would've reacted differently pre hrt. I had a stranger smack my head once pre hrt while on the subway and I've been called a fag. It could just be because of the size of nyc... I'm an easy target for sure
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Quote from: Allison S on March 16, 2018, 02:16:44 PM
Maybe.. I mean I don't know. I do feel generally calmer after hrt but I don't think I would've reacted differently pre hrt. I had a stranger smack my head once pre hrt while on the subway and I've been called a fag. It could just be because of the size of nyc... I'm an easy target for sure
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Again, bearing and/or presence can make a difference. While I have been changing some since HRT, I still wear a USMC baseball cap when I go out (covers my bald spot,lol).
Sonic Burger is coming out with a Pickle Juice Slushy - yuck unless you're pregnant :)
Getting my head around the fact that Familial Hypocalciuric Hypercalcemia is the BEST CASE situation for me right now. All the other possibilities are much worse.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 16, 2018, 03:03:15 PM
Getting my head around the fact that Familial Hypocalciuric Hypercalcemia is the BEST CASE situation for me right now. All the other possibilities are much worse.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Good luck with that - I can't even get them off my tongue :)
Quote from: Cassi on March 16, 2018, 03:15:01 PM
Good luck with that - I can't even get them off my tongue :)
What it basically means is a genetic condition where you have too much calcium in your blood and too little in your urine. That condition is basically benign. If I don't have that I have hypercalcemia and that is caused by or leads to tumors (cancerous or benlgn), heart disease, osteoporosis, kidney stones. All kinds of bad stuff.
I'm hoping for the benign genetic condition but it's hella rare.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 16, 2018, 03:26:49 PM
What it basically means is a genetic condition where you have too much calcium in your blood and too little in your urine. That condition is basically benign. If I don't have that I have hypercalcemia and that is caused by or leads to tumors (cancerous or benlgn), heart disease, osteoporosis, kidney stones. All kinds of bad stuff.
I'm hoping for the benign genetic condition but it's hella rare.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Sorry to hear but thank you for the explanation.
Quote from: Cassi on March 17, 2018, 04:23:13 AM
Sorry to hear but thank you for the explanation.
That's OK. I needed to get it out. It's hard being strong for my family when all I want to do is break dow.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Losing the insole to my trainer actually seconds after taking it out of my boots and it complely vanishing then stubbing my toes on my exercise bike so hard that the nails broke and are bleeding and then having my head phones get caught on my scarf and sent them flying out of my ears and down a drain on the street.
Grrr grrr grrr
Quote from: CallMeKatie on March 17, 2018, 12:07:18 PM
Losing the insole to my trainer actually seconds after taking it out of my boots and it complely vanishing then stubbing my toes on my exercise bike so hard that the nails broke and are bleeding and then having my head phones get caught on my scarf and sent them flying out of my ears and down a drain on the street.
Grrr grrr grrr
Lock yourself in your closet immediately. Do not go near water, electricity, tall buildings, short people.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 17, 2018, 06:52:54 AM
That's OK. I needed to get it out. It's hard being strong for my family when all I want to do is break dow.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Understandable
Feeling insecure about my face so I wore a hoodie on the train the whole time, didn't sit across from a bunch of random people and hid myself by facing a smelly person. Oh well
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Quote from: Allison S on March 17, 2018, 11:17:35 PM
Feeling insecure about my face so I wore a hooñdie on the train the whole time, didn't sit across from a bunch of random people and hid myself by facing a smelly person. Oh well
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Facing a smelly person hahaha. that's hilarious :)
Flossing my teeth last night before bed and all of a sudden a crown on one of my molars fell out! Now the root that is left is all sharp and jagged, and I have to work hard to keep from lacerating my tongue. And, it being Sunday, I can't call the dentist until tomorrow morning.
I am sure the dentist will be happy to see me for real dentistry, rather than just pre-electrolysis pain control.
oo, owww
Vaseline works to stick that bugger back in place until you can see your dentist .. unless you swallowed it :icon_blah:
Quote from: Faith on March 18, 2018, 07:12:55 AM
oo, owww
Vaseline works to stick that bugger back in place until you can see your dentist .. unless you swallowed it :icon_blah:
I think if I did that, I'd be in fear of actually swallowing it. I think I'm better off with the jagged edges.
I want to take the dressings off, but I can't.
I WANT TO TAKE THE DRESSINGS OFF, BUT I CAN'T
That when I post the same post on online sites with one sating I am transgender and one not saying my gender, that people, based on my photos, are much more positive whenthey think I am genetically female
Quote from: CallMeKatie on March 18, 2018, 08:51:38 AM
That when I post the same post on online sites with one sating I am transgender and one not saying my gender, that people, based on my photos, are much more positive whenthey think I am genetically female
Well, probably because your audience isn't trans.
Feeling lonely today and I don't know if I'm ready to meet people yet..
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Today I realized that my marriage is really over. It has been for some time. And our lease is up at the end of the month and we haven't been offered another.
Consequently, when we next move I suspect we won't be going to the same place. She pays more than half of our expenses and I can't accept that if there's no "us".
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 18, 2018, 06:06:58 PM
Today I realized that my marriage is really over. It has been for some time. And our lease is up at the end of the month and we haven't been offered another.
Consequently, when we next move I suspect we won't be going to the same place. She pays more than half of our expenses and I can't accept that if there's no "us".
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
My second wife and I didn't even share the same bedroom for about a year before the marriage ended. Sadly, there wasn't no 50/50 and in her head she planned to take what little I had.
It can be rough but time heals (almost all) wounds.
Because my mind destroys my mood for no reason at random moments, today I make me happy by existing
I'm happy because I have acknowledged my first real person Super Hero!
So some dipstick has sent a package I mailed to Italy to the USA for some reason, tracked and everything. To be fair this is the first time it's ever happened in all my trading years... but it's a head-scratcher all right.
My feelings for my roommate are growing.. I may be moving soon though. I don't think we'll see each other again.
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Stupid me put the last plate of an expensive plate set in the oven to heat some food and it cracked :(
Realizing I have absolutely crippling anxiety to the point I cant go to places like my kickboxing or judo club without hyperventilating and panicking.
I've called the doctors, they will most likely tell me to go back on meds or into CBT. If it helps take the edge off while I wait on the services I dont mind.
Quote from: V M on March 23, 2018, 02:02:31 AM
Stupid me put the last plate of an expensive plate set in the oven to heat some food and it cracked :(
Alas, Sweet VM! It was the Universe telling you to obtain a new set!
My dysphoria's hitting me really hard, out of nowhere. I've been in a decent mood this week, but my mood has completely gone
Quote from: Sinead on March 23, 2018, 12:22:49 PM
My dysphoria's hitting me really hard, out of nowhere. I've been in a decent mood this week, but my mood has completely gone
And this too shall pass..............................................
Seeing a male in the mirror and not wanting to go outside at all..
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Sometimes a guy, sometimes not.........................................
Then I start thinking even more deeper like:
If I'm seeing someone who's not a guy, what are others' seeing?
Aside from daughter and her friend I ask dare not.
Sometimes I do things that cause me to question my intelligence, like coming to Seattle today. I didn't think about the protest that's going on today. Everything is late and traffic is a mess. I'm not going to make it to where I'm going....oh well...:)
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Quote from: Cassi on March 23, 2018, 03:20:25 PM
Sometimes a guy, sometimes not.........................................
Then I start thinking even more deeper like:
If I'm seeing someone who's not a guy, what are others' seeing?
Aside from daughter and her friend I ask dare not.
What do they say?
Quote from: Laurel D on March 24, 2018, 02:36:53 PM
Sometimes I do things that cause me to question my intelligence, like coming to Seattle today. I didn't think about the protest that's going on today. Everything is late and traffic is a mess. I'm not going to make it to where I'm going....oh well...:)
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Happens to me all the time!! Crazy how much I relate to this
Well today I got sir'ed (he saw me a few weeks ago and found out my name by being nosy and reading my paper) and called he multiple times (by same cashier who just seemed to be over it). It sucks I was on a good streak where no one misgendered me before today.
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Quote from: Allison S on March 24, 2018, 03:23:27 PM
What do they say?
LOL, I should have known you'd ask.
Well, my daughter's friend says that I appear more feminine and happier. Daughter, especially when the Twin Sisters are brought up will start talking to me like I'm her mom. For example, it was quite chilly the other day and my twins were perky as all get-out. Daughter says, don't you just love it when they get so perky.
It was a first for me. She'll acknowledge my femininity sometimes when she's not too rushed, lol.
Quote from: Allison S on March 24, 2018, 03:23:27 PM
Well today I got sir'ed (he saw me a few weeks ago and found out my name by being nosy and reading my paper) and called he multiple times (by same cashier who just seemed to be over it). It sucks I was on a good streak where no one misgendered me before today.
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I got called a dude by a random guy that was talking to me. I still I get misgendered a lot. I know I don't pass, so usually it doesn't bother a lot. ( Ok maybe a little, but I am realistic about how I look.). It bothers me a lot less at work, because of my uniform. ( Even though I always wear makeup and lipstick.)
But this time it bothered me more, because it was my day off and I was in my regular clothes . But I shurrged it off. I'm not were I want to be yet. I will get there one day.
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My eldest being ill this afternoon.
Their speech and understanding is a bit behind, so they were just curled up next to me sobbing, trying to explain what hurt, but not understanding why.
Did what any parent would do: sofa, huge duvet, some My Little Pony on in the background. Was snoring in no time.
everything. just everything. I'm so sick of every aspect of my life right now, I don't even know if it's worth it to keep going.
Quote from: meatwagon on March 24, 2018, 04:40:46 PM
everything. just everything. I'm so sick of every aspect of my life right now, I don't even know if it's worth it to keep going.
I'm sorry your feeling that way right now. And I know I have no idea what you going through. But no matter how bad this moment is. It's not forever. Life never stays bad forever. Believe me, I go through feelings quite often.
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Quote from: Cassi on March 24, 2018, 03:29:17 PM
LOL, I should have known you'd ask.
Well, my daughter's friend says that I appear more feminine and happier. Daughter, especially when the Twin Sisters are brought up will start talking to me like I'm her mom. For example, it was quite chilly the other day and my twins were perky as all get-out. Daughter says, don't you just love it when they get so perky.
It was a first for me. She'll acknowledge my femininity sometimes when she's not too rushed, lol.
Lol! That's hrt they're always perky aren't they?!
Quote from: Laurel D on March 24, 2018, 03:50:32 PM
I got called a dude by a random guy that was talking to me. I still I get misgendered a lot. I know I don't pass, so usually it doesn't bother a lot. ( Ok maybe a little, but I am realistic about how I look.). It bothers me a lot less at work, because of my uniform. ( Even though I always wear makeup and lipstick.)
But this time it bothered me more, because it was my day off and I was in my regular clothes . But I shurrged it off. I'm not were I want to be yet. I will get there one day.
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Same for me but it really does bother me. I wanna shrug it off.. being misgendered is bringing my mood down. I can't tell anyone about it and it just makes for an uncomfortable situation overall. I need to learn how to shake it off because this is not a way to live
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Quote from: Allison S on March 24, 2018, 04:52:29 PM
Same for me but it really does bother me. I wanna shrug it off.. being misgendered is bringing my mood down. I can't tell anyone about it and it just makes for an uncomfortable situation overall. I need to learn how to shake it off because this is not a way to live
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I'm not going to lie, it's hard sometimes . My heart sinks a little bit and my confidence falls when I get misgendered. It immediately makes me uncomfortable.
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Quote from: Laurel D on March 24, 2018, 05:01:57 PM
I'm not going to lie, it's hard sometimes . My heart sinks a little bit and my confidence falls when I get misgendered. It immediately makes me uncomfortable.
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I honestly feel like I need to keep moving because of this. I know it sounds crazy but for my sanity. I can't keep seeing the same people while I'm changing. Not only my roommates but the neighborhood I'm in. I keep seeing the same people since I don't really venture out.
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Quote from: Laurel D on March 24, 2018, 04:48:03 PM
I'm sorry your feeling that way right now. And I know I have no idea what you going through. But no matter how bad this moment is. It's not forever. Life never stays bad forever. Believe me, I go through feelings quite often.
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I appreciate it. sometimes it just gets really hard to look ahead when nothing ever seems to change..
Feeling like warmed over death and pretending everything's okay
Quote from: V M on March 24, 2018, 09:29:25 PM
Feeling like warmed over death and pretending everything's okay
Interesting twist. So, why pretend, let it out, spill the beans, cough it off, enlighten, etc.
Quote from: meatwagon on March 24, 2018, 05:26:56 PM
I appreciate it. sometimes it just gets really hard to look ahead when nothing ever seems to change..
What I keep saying to myself, is keep moving forward. Even if all I see ahead is darkness. The light is there. Even if it can't be seen yet, because it's too far away.
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Quote from: Cassi on March 24, 2018, 10:00:17 PM
Interesting twist. So, why pretend, let it out, spill the beans, cough it off, enlighten, etc.
Just old injuries and bad habits taking their revenge upon me and kickin' my butt real good
Quote from: V M on March 24, 2018, 11:21:35 PM
Just old injuries and bad habits taking their revenge upon me and kickin' my butt real good
I know how old injuries can mess ya up, especially with weather changes.
My roommate looked at me and then quickly b lined to his room and closed the door just now. Wow.
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I'm tired.
Tired of dysphoria and tired of being tired.
Tired that I self-sabotage all the time and ultimately create all this drama that makes me very unhappy. Tired of not knowing how I can stop creating drama. And somehow tolerate dysphoria without completely invalidating myself.
Urgh...
Darn Spiro and dehydration. Been drinking Arrowhead water the past few days like I'm in Hell. Water is okay except that I think it's accounting for my not losing any weight, 1 gallon water - 10 pounds.
Anyway, had three different dreams last night and because I woke up having to tinkle none of them finished and left me hanging. Where the hell is the Sandman when you want a refund???????
Continued stomach issues :P Yeah, literal belly aching LOL
Didn't sleep well last night so I took a long nap this afternoon, woke up but didn't want to get out of my warm bed - But then the suicidal ideation started up so I decided I should probably get up and feed the animal and find something to take my mind off things
Then my hip and knee did their funny little thing and in an effort to catch my balance I knocked a few things over - Nothing was damaged but it sure made a loud crash
Then of course some of my jerky neighbors continue to act like immature junior high school jerks ::) *Sigh*
A babysitter's work is never over
Quote from: V M on March 25, 2018, 11:10:58 PM
Continued stomach issues :P Yeah, literal belly aching LOL
Didn't sleep well last night so I took a long nap this afternoon, woke up but didn't want to get out of my warm bed - But then the suicidal ideation started up so I decided I should probably get up and feed the animal and find something to take my mind off things
Then my hip and knee did their funny little thing and in an effort to catch my balance I knocked a few things over - Nothing was damaged but it sure made a loud crash
Then of course some of my jerky neighbors continue to act like immature junior high school jerks ::) *Sigh*
A babysitter's work is never over
Hope tummy aches go away and neighbors grow up.
Quote from: Cassi on March 26, 2018, 12:17:42 AM
Hope tummy aches go away and neighbors grow up.
Thank you
Almost forgot, one of my sisters has been trying to start stuff with me so now there's family issues flaring up as well
No small wonder I'm a mess
Body clock out of sync because the clocks went forward. Takes me a week to come round to it. Also got to reset the clock on my bike, it's a PITA to do
Quote from: big kim on March 26, 2018, 01:25:20 AM
Body clock out of sync because the clocks went forward. Takes me a week to come round to it. Also got to reset the clock on my bike, it's a PITA to do
Wow, those time thieves get around. They hit us here in Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago. Time I will never get back.
Getting a warning/sanction for speaking factually. People are doomed if the truth becomes a problem, and this community is no different. Just saying. I'd use more direct language, but I'd get kicked out of here. Some people are idiots, some are ignorant, some win the lottery and get both. Whoever was "offended by my words, GTFU.
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Quote from: Gertrude on March 26, 2018, 10:16:45 PM
Getting a warning/sanction for speaking factually. People are doomed if the truth becomes a problem, and this community is no different. Just saying. I'd use more direct language, but I'd get kicked out of here. Some people are idiots, some are ignorant, some win the lottery and get both. Whoever was "offended by my words, GTFU.
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Hi Aunt Gertie!
I'm sorry you had a bad day and hope things mellow out for you.
Gnarly nightmares - Now I remember why I tend to avoid military and gun topics :-\
I am so very sad today. I just got a phone call today from a very best friend that disowned me when she discovered that I was transitioning. I have not talked to her for over 3 years... but unfortunately the phone call was not about becoming friends again but rather another mutual past best friend that we both had... just died unexpectedly from sepsis caused by a serious wound that would not heal. She wanted me to know even though both of them disowned me and have not spoken to me ... and she was wondering if I might travel down into the lower 48 to go to the funeral........
It is so sad to hear this but more sad to realize the lost time with what were at one time two of my very best friends dating back to my high school and college days.
Danielle :'( :(
I am just beyond frustrated with school. As great as transition is going lately, I have been going insane trying to deal with this insane nonsense they try to pass off as education. I'm basically doing an extraordinarily hard project all but solo in a class with a completely unforgiving professor, spending ungodly amounts of time on it alone even before the class proper and other courses. I don't have any free time to just relax, and it just isn't slowing down pace at all. Even the little stuff is beyond frustrating. Case in point, this little gem:
"Your writeup should be no more less than 200 words."
........... What the hell am I supposed to do with that? So yeah. Just want this to end, and I'm seriously considering just saying forget it and going all out to pretty myself up to find a rich husband.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 27, 2018, 05:02:23 PM
It is so sad to hear this but more sad to realize the lost time with what were at one time two of my very best friends dating back to my high school and college days.
Danielle :'( :(
So sorry to hear that Danielle. :-\
snipped:
Quote from: Roll on March 27, 2018, 05:18:39 PM
So sorry to hear that Danielle. :-\
@ Roll: She asked if I was going back to my hometown to go to the funeral... I told here that I could not.
I have my own business as a CPA and here in the USA everyone knows it is tax season and I am slammed with clients that are filing late trying to get their tax returns sent in.
Anyway, there is another problem, going back home to many old friends, acquaintances and family... and others that have taken me off of their list.... I don't really want to go there.
Danielle
Sorry to hear Danielle it's really sad she died and you also weren't really on good terms. To just have people turn on you when transitioning is very painful.
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Quote from: Allison S on March 27, 2018, 05:45:38 PM
Sorry to hear Danielle it's really sad she died and you also weren't really on good terms. To just have people turn on you when transitioning is very painful.
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Allison: For sure.. people, good and best friends even ... and family too... can be very painful to deal with before, during and after transitioning..... makes it very difficult, that is one of the reasons I am here and not there. It is so sad for the specific reason that at one time she was my very best friend and buddy, we were inseparable. The thing that I miss most is the lost time being around her and lost friendship we had.
Danielle
I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this. True friends are rare and some fair weather friends aren't worth the time. As I have progressed with my HRT though compared to most of you, mine has been a drop in the bucket so to speak, I have been letting people and family know. While it is not my intent to count how many I think it's about 20 thus far and only 1 negative (my brother) and maybe my 1st wife who I don't talk to directly.
And I think what motivates people, such as your friends who shunned you is confronting their own mortality?
Hugs
Today at work I got in to 2 personal disagreements with 2 female coworkers who unfortunately I had dated/ fooled around with as a male one of them has been rude to me since we stopped and the other one I am trying to stay friends with as she has always been there for me and was/is my best friend I know we both still have feelings for each other but I know It will not go anywhere. I learned my lesson never ever date/fool around with people at work it may be fun at the time but will make your life a living hell if things go bad.
I haven't been able to take my estradiol for about a week which unfortunately, in my case, leads to depression, moodiness, and low grade headaches.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 27, 2018, 07:37:06 PM
Today at work I got in to 2 personal disagreements with 2 female coworkers who unfortunately I had dated/ fooled around with as a male one of them has been rude to me since we stopped and the other one I am trying to stay friends with as she has always been there for me and was/is my best friend I know we both still have feelings for each other but I know It will not go anywhere. I learned my lesson never ever date/fool around with people at work it may be fun at the time but will make your life a living hell if things go bad.
@ natalie.ashlyne: Well, that is a twist on romantic office relationships.... those 2 female coworkers that you dated as a man, and now you are a woman.... perhaps they a upset that you left you manhood behind and became one of them.... they perhaps are somewhat worried that you will compete with them.
.... BUT, in a larger company you and your co-workers could have been fired for the dating affairs. I saw that happen in a large company I was working for in the past.
Danielle
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 27, 2018, 07:37:06 PM
Today at work I got in to 2 personal disagreements with 2 female coworkers who unfortunately I had dated/ fooled around with as a male one of them has been rude to me since we stopped and the other one I am trying to stay friends with as she has always been there for me and was/is my best friend I know we both still have feelings for each other but I know It will not go anywhere. I learned my lesson never ever date/fool around with people at work it may be fun at the time but will make your life a living hell if things go bad.
Yikes!! That is messy
Hope things get better for you and I mean, finding a new job can sometimes be for the best
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Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 27, 2018, 09:29:43 PM
@ natalie.ashlyne: Well, that is a twist on romantic office relationships.... those 2 female coworkers that you dated as a man, and now you are a woman.... perhaps they a upset that you left you manhood behind and became one of them.... they perhaps are somewhat worried that you will compete with them.
.... BUT, in a larger company you and your co-workers could have been fired for the dating affairs. I saw that happen in a large company I was working for in the past.
Danielle
Thank you DanielleYes I see your point about them and it makes total sence to me and I swear I have learn my lesson and that will never happen again I will never date any one from work ever I dont even think I would date anyone in the healthcare field
Quote from: Allison S on March 27, 2018, 09:37:09 PM
Yikes!! That is messy
Hope things get better for you and I mean, finding a new job can sometimes be for the best
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Thanks Allison yes I hope so too, I would look for a new job but I have been there 14 years just got full time with benifits and 10 sick day and 30 vacation days so it would be hard to match I am thinking maybe a new career as I love what I do but I am also well in my area. I am also thinking of moving but this all needs money so I really have to think. I also think I created this mess now I have to clean it up. I need a big mop and bucket
Wierd thoughts - when I look at my avatar pic or any pic of me and I look at my nose, upside down, I see a flesh colored Grey Alien - Yikes
Sitting here doing nothing even though I have so much stuff I need to be doing because I have to sign for a perishable package of medicine that was supposed to be here by 10:30 am but is now..... let's see, 3 hours and 12 minutes overdue. Super fun. I seriously have so much I need to be working on that I can't be, not to mention errands to run and I was going to try sell more comics today. Ugh.
Oh how I yearn for more rustic days such as phones being connect to outlets and no answering machines.
So, prior to moving to Las Vegas I had my Long Beach phone number 562 area code for more years than I remember. Even kept it in Texas. However, over the past couple of years I have been getting an insane amount of sales calls or BS calls to the point I upgraded my phone and obtained a 702 number thinking that it would solve the call problem.
Apparently, phone companies don't kill numbers for any length of time because not only do I get calls and text messages for the person who use to have the phone but I've been getting an insane amount of sales calls and some numb asses with a 202 (DC) area code stating that I have warrants out for my arrest, which we know are BS. Fortunately, my new phone has the block number function but it's still a "PITA" to get up when the phone rings only to find a numb-arse number calling.
The sad or bad thing is there's always the chance I'll miss a call from someone because I didn't know their number.
Yeah I just got a new number and was getting random callers but it's died down a bit.
I had my 7 th laser session for my face and the puffiness that happens is still as bad as the 1st time... it did hurt a lot but I'm starting to like the pain. I tell myself it means that it's working. But I hate how puffy it gets for almost 3 days!! And it just makes my shadow even more obvious
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I am unhappy that my hair is already a bit greasy looking even though I took a shower the other day. I never had this problem until I started HRT 2 years ago.
Quote from: Allison S on March 28, 2018, 02:44:41 PM
Yeah I just got a new number and was getting random callers but it's died down a bit.
I had my 7 th laser session for my face and the puffiness that happens is still as bad as the 1st time... it did hurt a lot but I'm starting to like the pain. I tell myself it means that it's working. But I hate how puffy it gets for almost 3 days!! And it just makes my shadow even more obvious
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I am having laser hair treatment too, and I was hoping the pain would lessen after a few more treatments. I think I read somewhere that the pain lessens once more of your facial hair is removed or something but I guess not. I will say that it is a lot better then electrolysis as that was like the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life.
I am sorry about the puffiness and the shadow :( I have also noticed the shadow, and facial hair returns for a few days after treatment but apparently that is normal.
Quote from: TicTac on March 28, 2018, 02:59:00 PM
I am having laser hair treatment too, and I was hoping the pain would lessen after a few more treatments. I think I read somewhere that the pain lessens once more of your facial hair is removed or something but I guess not. I will say that it is a lot better then electrolysis as that was like the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life.
I am sorry about the puffiness and the shadow :( I have also noticed the shadow, and facial hair returns for a few days after treatment but apparently that is normal.
Well my tech keeps increasing the strength so it's still as painful for me. I definitely tolerate it better than I used to. Today I didn't have numbing cream and just stuck through the pain. Last time I did use numbing cream and it was still painful.
Yes it does return but some should be shedding usually. For me the hair gets stuck and is covered by skin which makes it unsightly for about a week or so. Then the hairs pop out and I can finally shave them.
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Quote from: Allison S on March 28, 2018, 03:05:11 PM
Well my tech keeps increasing the strength so it's still as painful for me. I definitely tolerate it better than I used to. Today I didn't have numbing cream and just stuck through the pain. Last time I did use numbing cream and it was still painful.
Yes it does return but some should be shedding usually. For me the hair gets stuck and is covered by skin which makes it unsightly for about a week or so. Then the hairs pop out and I can finally shave them.
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@ Allison: Ahhh, the price of beauty. This too shall pass and when you get to the point that your laser treatments start coming to an end, you will then realize that when you look in the mirror that you will conclude that it was well worth the temporary discomfort.
I think that writing about it and other frustrating transitioning issues can make everything better... self-therapy by keeping a journal or update log. It works for me.
Hang in there girl..... and keep your updates coming.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Allison S on March 28, 2018, 03:05:11 PM
Well my tech keeps increasing the strength so it's still as painful for me. I definitely tolerate it better than I used to. Today I didn't have numbing cream and just stuck through the pain. Last time I did use numbing cream and it was still painful.
Yes it does return but some should be shedding usually. For me the hair gets stuck and is covered by skin which makes it unsightly for about a week or so. Then the hairs pop out and I can finally shave them.
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Oh, I had no idea that they could increase the strength... :icon_cry2: Personally, I can barley handle the pain now, so I can't imagine how painful it must be on a higher setting. Yeah, I have also found numbing cream to not be very helpful as well.
I am sorry about your hair getting stuck underneath your skin. That sounds like it would suck :( Hopefully you will be done with laser hair removal soon. I am not sure how many treatments it takes, but I am hoping it does not last too long.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 28, 2018, 03:43:16 PM
@ Allison: Ahhh, the price of beauty. This too shall pass and when you get to the point that your laser treatments start coming to an end, you will then realize that when you look in the mirror that you will conclude that it was well worth the temporary discomfort.
I think that writing about it and other frustrating transitioning issues can make everything better... self-therapy by keeping a journal or update log. It works for me.
Hang in there girl..... and keep your updates coming.
Hugs,
Danielle
Yeah I should do that. I talk about stuff in therapy but writing things down would be good too. Actually a lot of people in my support group said that's what they do to cope.
Quote from: TicTac on March 28, 2018, 04:17:58 PM
Oh, I had no idea that they could increase the strength... :icon_cry2: Personally, I can barley handle the pain now, so I can't imagine how painful it must be on a higher setting. Yeah, I have also found numbing cream to not be very helpful as well.
I am sorry about your hair getting stuck underneath your skin. That sounds like it would suck :( Hopefully you will be done with laser hair removal soon. I am not sure how many treatments it takes, but I am hoping it does not last too long.
Yes we'll get there! I have 1 more I paid for and I'm really hoping it eliminates the upper lip hairs... now that a lot of the dark hairs aren't coming back I see the white hairs. I may switch to electrolysis soon for those
On another note, some guy said my face looks yellow on a dating app. Lol. It makes me scared because hrt takes a toll on our livers.
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Got jumped on by a large ill mannered puppy - I'm pretty sure it just wanted to play but it aggravated all my old injuries :P
Quote from: V M on March 28, 2018, 11:34:37 PM
Got jumped on by a large ill mannered puppy - I'm pretty sure it just wanted to play but it aggravated all my old injuries :P
Dog gone!
Looks like earlier would have been better. :)
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 28, 2018, 11:37:10 PM
Dog gone!
Looks like earlier would have been better. :)
Chrissy
Thanks for your consideration
It was earlier in the day, I went home and took a nap but now I'm stiff and sore and snapping my parts is parts back into place
I just wish stupid people didn't own large stupid animals
Quote from: Allison S on March 28, 2018, 05:06:54 PM
Yeah I should do that. I talk about stuff in therapy but writing things down would be good too. Actually a lot of people in my support group said that's what they do to cope.
Yes we'll get there! I have 1 more I paid for and I'm really hoping it eliminates the upper lip hairs... now that a lot of the dark hairs aren't coming back I see the white hairs. I may switch to electrolysis soon for those
On another note, some guy said my face looks yellow on a dating app. Lol. It makes me scared because hrt takes a toll on our livers.
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I would say that you do not want to go through electrolysis, but you seem to be able to handle pain much better then I could. I do not know if you know how electrolysis works, but they basically shove a small needle into each individual hole where the hair grows out of, and it is not a pleasant experience at all.
Personally I would just deal with shaving off the white hairs, as going through electrolysis was a hellish nightmare.
Quote from: TicTac on March 29, 2018, 01:21:36 PM
I would say that you do not want to go through electrolysis, but you seem to be able to handle pain much better then I could. I do not know if you know how electrolysis works, but they basically shove a small needle into each individual hole where the hair grows out of, and it is not a pleasant experience at all.
Personally I would just deal with shaving off the white hairs, as going through electrolysis was a hellish nightmare.
Thanks for your honesty. I'm terrible with pain. Whenever I get lasered, it's just my face, but the shock pushes my whole body back so I'm literally involuntarily jumping while laying down... it's actually very funny!
You're right.. I've been tweezing the white hairs. I saw an electrologist last week but we didn't get to do a trial. Maybe that was for the best..
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Today I am unhappy that the sun is not going away anytime soon. The only time I personally like going out is when it is cold and gloomy, as that is when most people disappear, and plus I just like the rain. I love California, but I truly despise its weather.
Quote from: Allison S on March 29, 2018, 01:27:49 PM
Thanks for your honesty. I'm terrible with pain. Whenever I get lasered, it's just my face, but the shock pushes my whole body back so I'm literally involuntarily jumping while laying down... it's actually very funny!
You're right.. I've been tweezing the white hairs. I saw an electrologist last week but we didn't get to do a trial. Maybe that was for the best..
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Avoiding electrolysis would be the correct choice in my opinion lol. I wish someone would have told me before I went through that hell...sigh. My electrologist told me it was the best option, but she was lying lol. I am so glad I did laser instead.
Frickin everything today wound me up and I just couldn't understand why. Like why I am so bad tempered. I tried eating I tried walking and nothing worked.
Got home and had a shave and put some lippy on with my favourite dress and everything is suddenly fine so I guess it was my dysphoria slapping Menon the face. It's really rubbish sometimes.
Rant over happy Molly now :) xx
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Quote from: TicTac on March 29, 2018, 01:35:48 PM
Avoiding electrolysis would be the correct choice in my opinion lol. I wish someone would have told me before I went through that hell...sigh. My electrologist told me it was the best option, but she was lying lol. I am so glad I did laser instead.
I hate that!! I guess they try to sell us on it since that's their job. Yeah I have my 8th laser treatment, I'm hoping I'll be done soon
Quote from: TicTac on March 29, 2018, 01:28:08 PM
Today I am unhappy that the sun is not going away anytime soon. The only time I personally like going out is when it is cold and gloomy, as that is when most people disappear, and plus I just like the rain. I love California, but I truly despise its weather.
You'd love it here in NY in winter!! I'm actually planning to visit CA and maybe move over. Because of the weather!
So I just had a woman that works at the bakery section at the grocery just give me this really nasty look when I told her that my coffee was priced wrong (by the other woman). I had another bag in my hand and she said in a very nasty tone/attitude "so you don't want that?". I'm gonna go back and complain about her. To add salt to the wound she called me "he". She even kept looking at me like I was trying to take something over the glass blocking the abysmal bakery selection...
Not to sound like an egomaniac but I think she was clearly angry that a HE can look better than she does. The other worker was lovely to me though.
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Celulitis back with a leg ulcer to put the cherry on it.
Quote from: big kim on March 29, 2018, 02:41:48 PM
Celulitis back with a leg ulcer to put the cherry on it.
Wow! And they say it goes away and never comes back!
I was medivac in Nam due to my leg hurting, long dark line to a wierd looking pimple which turned out to be cellulitis. This was back in the way early 70's. First on a Navy Hospital Ship, then transferred to (fortunately) Naval Regional Medical Center near my hometown. 3 months.
My 2nd time with celulitis, started using a stick in 2014.Spent most of 2015 in a compression bandage
Quote from: Allison S on March 29, 2018, 02:10:39 PM
I hate that!! I guess they try to sell us on it since that's their job. Yeah I have my 8th laser treatment, I'm hoping I'll be done soon
You'd love it here in NY in winter!! I'm actually planning to visit CA and maybe move over. Because of the weather!
So I just had a woman that works at the bakery section at the grocery just give me this really nasty look when I told her that my coffee was priced wrong (by the other woman). I had another bag in my hand and she said in a very nasty tone/attitude "so you don't want that?". I'm gonna go back and complain about her. To add salt to the wound she called me "he". She even kept looking at me like I was trying to take something over the glass blocking the abysmal bakery selection...
Not to sound like an egomaniac but I think she was clearly angry that a HE can look better than she does. The other worker was lovely to me though.
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My grandpa used to tell me stories about how cold it would get in the winter, as he grew up in NY. I love the cold but I do have a limit, as anything below 30 degrees is to much for me personally.
Sorry about the crappy situation you went through. People can sometimes be jerks unfortunately.
Quote from: TicTac on March 30, 2018, 03:53:11 AM
My grandpa used to tell me stories about how cold it would get in the winter, as he grew up in NY. I love the cold but I do have a limit, as anything below 30 degrees is to much for me personally.
Sorry about the crappy situation you went through. People can sometimes be jerks unfortunately.
Yeah winter is crazy here.. I always have a problem at this market. It's the closest to where I live so I go for convenience... and then I feel like the guys that work there are following me to make sure I don't steal anything? I hate the place and I'm calling to make a complaint. I don't know if it'll do anything but I'll have to try. I do really like their cookies lol
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Allergies! Or a cold! Or something! Gf and I are both sick and we can't afford meds or time off from work, so that's fun!!!
Quote from: kk on March 30, 2018, 11:43:49 AM
Allergies! Or a cold! Or something! Gf and I are both sick and we can't afford meds or time off from work, so that's fun!!!
Definitely something in the air. I have issues and use tissues all the time. My daughter has been sick for the past few days. Spring fever, I tell you, Spring fever!!!!!!
Quote from: kk on March 30, 2018, 11:43:49 AM
Allergies! Or a cold! Or something! Gf and I are both sick and we can't afford meds or time off from work, so that's fun!!!
That sucks I am sick too mine started last night I caught what we as the outbreak at work.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 30, 2018, 12:43:39 PM
That sucks I am sick too mine started last night I caught what we as the outbreak at work.
First off - Tiffany! Don't you know hospitals are where people go to get sick????
Secondly, my niece text me this morning that my sister who lives in Sacramento is dying and made it sound like she would be dead in the next few days. This information came to her from my sister's boyfriend. I asked what was wrong with her and she said he didn't know. ????? He wanted everyone to travel to Sacramento to see her. All the family, excepting me, is in Long Beach and I pretty much thought it was odd that he would expect everyone to jump on a plane and fly to Sacramento.
My daughter and I are in the process of buying a new car and all the funds are tied up so flying is outta the question. Then my niece says I need to take the bus and I respond, no way (too old for that). As I pushed for more information she tells me that her mom (my other sister) and her are going in May.
I say May????? I'm a little perturbed by this point and say, May???? You made it sound like she's going to be dead next week. Apparently, she does dialysis and chemo and her boyfriend freaks out over that.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family but sometimes I think I have to look for some loose marbles.
Responding to a thread here and talking about my family. I'm the youngest of 6 kids. Everyone has their own lives, and we try to stay in touch. Usually we all get together on holidays, birthdays, lunches and other events. Sometimes I'll visit my sisters with my mom. Anyway, they can't do very much for me. I mean they don't have time and I don't want to be a burden.
So what makes me sad is that I have a wall up to protect myself and them. I know people will say I need to open up, but I really don't think it's going to matter. One of my sisters knows and I told her there's nothing anyone can do to help me. And it's true there really isn't. I have to help myself as they're raising their families and going on with their lives. I guess this is what being an adult is like...
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Sometimes when I speak I wonder why I say such stupid things. I feel like sometimes my social skills may have eroded.( Or what few social skills I had to begin with. ) I don't get a lot of time to speak to speak to others . So I start off really scared. But once people get me to start talking if feels like I don't know when does shut the hell up. I keep going, I get too personal, I say overly personal things about myself without realizing I did it until it's too late. It sucks because part of me wishes I didn't have the desire to talk to people and make friends. But I do have that desire. I just don't know how to anymore. Has anyone else
felt that way before.
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Well, kind of a follow-up to my earlier post regarding my sister's poor health. I spoke with my other niece who's my sister's daughter and she was blown away by my other niece's saying that my sister is dying.
Granted she's on dialysis and some chemo but fairing well considering all. Where and why the niece who's not the daughter of the sister in question (make sense?) got her information is still being questioned.
transphobic family
The guy that I replaced to live in this room called me because I said I'm moving out and gave my 30 day notice. He threatened that I would be responsible for the 3 remaining months I signed the sublease for... he just couldn't accept it and pretty much freaked out on me because he's in Cali. But his good friend who is also on the lease lives here too. And the other new roommate who moved in the same I did wants my room because it's bigger and the same price.
I just don't understand why he's freaking out. I'm basically giving them 30 days, April is paid for and I don't mind helping find someone if they really need me to. I actually got upset and just short of told him to ___ off. Literally he was acting worse than a child. I understand it's not ideal but I explained my situation and that should be enough. So I emailed him to make it more official and I said on there that he can only contact to speak with me in a calm and respectful manner.
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Quote from: Cassi on March 31, 2018, 12:11:44 AM
Well, kind of a follow-up to my earlier post regarding my sister's poor health. I spoke with my other niece who's my sister's daughter and she was blown away by my other niece's saying that my sister is dying.
Granted she's on dialysis and some chemo but fairing well considering all. Where and why the niece who's not the daughter of the sister in question (make sense?) got her information is still being questioned.
Thinking of you and your sister at this time, Hope she gets better. Hugs
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 31, 2018, 04:04:00 PM
Thinking of you and your sister at this time, Hope she gets better. Hugs
Thank you Tiffany!
It's appreciated. My niece who started all this yesterday and has always been my number 1 supporter has been kinda quiet since yesterday. I don't know if she was drunk or someone gave her bad info or what. My sister's daughter like I said was blown away when I asked her last night.
In all honesty, while I love both my sisters dearly, this one seem to get all the new diseases when they came out to the point that we didn't really believe she was having problems.
BTW, I just love teasing you with the "Tiffany"
Quote from: Cassi on March 31, 2018, 04:34:24 PM
Thank you Tiffany!
It's appreciated. My niece who started all this yesterday and has always been my number 1 supporter has been kinda quiet since yesterday. I don't know if she was drunk or someone gave her bad info or what. My sister's daughter like I said was blown away when I asked her last night.
In all honesty, while I love both my sisters dearly, this one seem to get all the new diseases when they came out to the point that we didn't really believe she was having problems.
BTW, I just love teasing you with the "Tiffany"
She could have just panicked I have seen it lots of times myself. I do wish she get better soon I hope the best for her.
And Yes I figured that so do all the girls at work and the guys too I am just Easy........
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 31, 2018, 04:43:24 PM
She could have just panicked I have seen it lots of times myself. I do wish she get better soon I hope the best for her.
And Yes I figured that so do all the girls at work and the guys too I am just Easy........
So Easy is getting into Tiff?
Uhoo
Quote from: Cassi on March 31, 2018, 08:11:23 PM
So Easy is getting into Tiff?
Uhoo
No not that way easy to have fun with I am a bit of a tease though
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 31, 2018, 08:13:56 PM
No not that way easy to have fun with I am a bit of a tease though
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook
Quote from: Cassi on March 31, 2018, 08:14:54 PM
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook
I did not mean sexual fun with like easy i meant easy to get along with easy going lol
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 31, 2018, 08:17:33 PM
I did not mean sexual fun with like easy i meant easy to get along with easy going lol
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook :)
Well I just saw my sister sent out thank you cards for my nieces birthday (a month ago) and I didn't get one... I was at the party and I gave a gift (money).. It just hurts even though I would still do it again because I love my niece.
My other sister sent me a thank you card. She made it a point to ask what my address is.
Anyway I feel silly being upset over this.. Bleh what a great easter..
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Quote from: Allison S on April 01, 2018, 01:59:35 PM
Well I just saw my sister sent out thank you cards for my nieces birthday (a month ago) and I didn't get one... I was at the party and I gave a gift (money).. It just hurts even though I would still do it again because I love my niece.
My other sister sent me a thank you card. She made it a point to ask what my address is.
Anyway I feel silly being upset over this.. Bleh what a great easter..
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It's in the mail, ask your roomies :(
Quote from: Cassi on April 01, 2018, 02:32:13 PM
It's in the mail, ask your roomies :(
It's not. But I won't fret more than I have. I have transitioning to worry about right now!!
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Dysphoria driven panic attack at Easter brunch. First time since really making progress I had to put on a dress shirt and pants (which I never liked to begin with) and couldn't wear my hat to cover up balding in public. Seeing myself in mirrors, and seeing random guys that I knew I looked just like at that moment... It hit me really hard, and I went into the bathroom, checked if all the stalls were empty and just sobbed.
Also, the food just plain sucked. Another case of a fancy place that charges way too much for outright bad food. I mean it wasn't even that it wasn't worth the price, it was just plain bad by any standard and I wouldn't choose to eat if it was free.
Quote from: Allison S on April 01, 2018, 03:15:32 PM
It's not. But I won't fret more than I have. I have transitioning to worry about right now!!
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Think of transitioning like that song "Sailing", don't remember who sang it but on a good note, I remember how to speel transitioning correclty :)
Quote from: Roll on April 01, 2018, 04:52:06 PM
Dysphoria driven panic attack at Easter brunch. First time since really making progress I had to put on a dress shirt and pants (which I never liked to begin with) and couldn't wear my hat to cover up balding in public. Seeing myself in mirrors, and seeing random guys that I knew I looked just like at that moment... It hit me really hard, and I went into the bathroom, checked if all the stalls were empty and just sobbed.
Also, the food just plain sucked. Another case of a fancy place that charges way too much for outright bad food. I mean it wasn't even that it wasn't worth the price, it was just plain bad by any standard and I wouldn't choose to eat if it was free.
That sucks, Ellie. Hope you're feeling better. The food being bad is just like salt in an open wound.
Quote from: Sarah_P on April 01, 2018, 05:42:54 PM
That sucks, Ellie. Hope you're feeling better. The food being bad is just like salt in an open wound.
It made me realize that one way or another, passing or not, I have to move up my time table. I can't do that ever again. I came home and just slept all afternoon out of shear adrenaline exhaustion from the panic attack, I haven't done that in years. Used to be the hallmark of my agoraphobia if I had to leave the house for something.
(Though I did have one I guess positive thing leading up to it. I was originally going to go in a plain pink shirt, men's shirt technically but was eastery enough I could get by with it not actually being dressy. That plan went out the window when I realized that the shirt was a little see through and my breasts were completely visible and very obviously looking like breasts, not moobs. So I had to put on the darker dress shirt over it.)
Quote from: Cassi on April 01, 2018, 05:26:31 PM
Think of transitioning like that song "Sailing", don't remember who sang it but on a good note, I remember how to speel transitioning correclty :)
Christopher Cross or Rod Stewart? I looked up both lol
Thanks Cassi [emoji4] transitioning is a good "worry" to have..
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Quote from: Allison S on April 01, 2018, 06:34:32 PM
Christopher Cross or Rod Stewart? I looked up both lol
Thanks Cassi [emoji4] transitioning is a good "worry" to have..
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:)
I suffer from a lot of depression that is usually followed with suicidal thoughts, and I am feeling pretty down again today. My mind is a void of negativity so I am always depressed about something though. I am not fond of myself, or my life or anything really and sometimes it just really gets to me.
Whelp, my cousin walked in my room and I am pretty sure she saw what I wrote above so that sucks. I really wish I could disappear right now honestly. What a fun Easter this is.
Quote from: TicTac on April 01, 2018, 08:31:20 PM
I suffer from a lot of depression that is usually followed with suicidal thoughts, and I am feeling pretty down again today. My mind is a void of negativity so I am always depressed about something though. I am not fond of myself, or my life or anything really and sometimes it just really gets to me.
Whelp, my cousin walked in my room and I am pretty sure she saw what I wrote above so that sucks. I really wish I could disappear right now honestly. What a fun Easter this is.
I'm right there with you on this Easter. :-X I hope this doesn't sound like a hollow platitude, but just remember you are not alone in those feelings, and over my time on these forums I've seen many people share the problems that we face move on to be happy beyond their wildest dreams. There is hope, and don't lose sight of that!
Quote from: Roll on April 01, 2018, 08:54:54 PM
I'm right there with you on this Easter. :-X I hope this doesn't sound like a hollow platitude, but just remember you are not alone in those feelings, and over my time on these forums I've seen many people share the problems that we face move on to be happy beyond their wildest dreams. There is hope, and don't lose sight of that!
Thank you for the kind words Roll :) Also, I am sorry your Easter is not going well either.
I'm feeling the same way TicTac.. I just don't know if I have it in me...
My brother in laws mother, who's a horrible person for other reasons, randomly jumps in a conversation I'm having with my niece and says "you should cut your hair I don't like it like that!"... my whole family, 3 sisters, brother, 2 nieces and my mom were all there. It was just terrible. My mom tried to defend me I guess and said "that's the style now everyone is doing it" no mom.. that's just how I want to do my hair! But at least she tried...
I just got burnt and stale fries and I went back to the chinese place and they were so rude. I'm so over today, it's just been one thing after another [emoji17]
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Quote from: Allison S on April 01, 2018, 09:35:56 PM
I'm feeling the same way TicTac.. I just don't know if I have it in me...
My brother in laws mother, who's a horrible person for other reasons, randomly jumps in a conversation I'm having with my niece and says "you should cut your hair I don't like it like that!"... my whole family, 3 sisters, brother, 2 nieces and my mom were all there. It was just terrible. My mom tried to defend me I guess and said "that's the style now everyone is doing it" no mom.. that's just how I want to do my hair! But at least she tried...
I just got burnt and stale fries and I went back to the chinese place and they were so rude. I'm so over today, it's just been one thing after another [emoji17]
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I am sorry that happened, some people are just rude and put there 2 cents in where it dont belong it you ever want or
just need to talk just pm me and that goes for anyone sometimes just talking helps :)
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on April 01, 2018, 09:45:53 PM
I am sorry that happened, some people are just rude and put there 2 cents in where it dont belong it you ever want or
just need to talk just pm me and that goes for anyone sometimes just talking helps :)
you're a sweetheart [emoji173] I just feel like I can be too much for any one person and so I just post here to let it out a bit
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Quote from: Allison S on April 01, 2018, 09:53:05 PM
you're a sweetheart [emoji173] I just feel like I can be too much for any one person and so I just post here to let it out a bit
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LOL sorry you think you are to much I deal with 83 females and I know more personal problems about them than there families. Their is nothing I have not heard yet.
I seem to have come down with another bug of some kind :P
Quote from: Allison S on April 01, 2018, 09:35:56 PM
I'm feeling the same way TicTac.. I just don't know if I have it in me...
My brother in laws mother, who's a horrible person for other reasons, randomly jumps in a conversation I'm having with my niece and says "you should cut your hair I don't like it like that!"... my whole family, 3 sisters, brother, 2 nieces and my mom were all there. It was just terrible. My mom tried to defend me I guess and said "that's the style now everyone is doing it" no mom.. that's just how I want to do my hair! But at least she tried...
I just got burnt and stale fries and I went back to the chinese place and they were so rude. I'm so over today, it's just been one thing after another [emoji17]
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I am sorry that your Easter has been sh*t. Maybe the Chinese people were just mad that they had to work on Easter or something, but that does not give them any right to be mean. In my signature I stated that I do not have enough middle fingers, and this is a good example why. The world is filled with A**holes unfortunately.
Quote from: TicTac on April 01, 2018, 10:30:00 PM
I am sorry that your Easter has been sh*t. Maybe the Chinese people were just mad that they had to work on Easter or something, but that does not give them any right to be mean. In my signature I stated that I do not have enough middle fingers, and this is a good example why. The world is filled with A**holes unfortunately.
Thank you [emoji173] I can't see sigs since I'm on the tapatalk app but that's how I feel too
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Some guy asking for change on the street called me "bro".. it really bothered me. I think I need to just suck it up and start presenting again. This is not good for my mental health at all
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Quote from: Allison S on April 02, 2018, 03:12:36 PM
Some guy asking for change on the street called me "bro".. it really bothered me. I think I need to just suck it up and start presenting again. This is not good for my mental health at all
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@ Allison: Never give up, never surrender. Occasional "failures" usually lead to more successes because we can learn from them.
Be certain to go out there with as much self-confidence and self-assurance as you can muster.... be sure to present yourself as a confident and happy female no matter what is thrown at you in way of comments, stares, and pointing. Personally I had experienced all of that myself. We have all been there. It is not pleasant but it happens to almost all of us.
Please keep your updates coming.
If you report bad news we can all support and encourage you.
If you report good news we can all rejoice, celebrate and be happy for you.
Hugs for you!!!!
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 02, 2018, 03:29:10 PM
@ Allison: Never give up, never surrender. Occasional "failures" usually lead to more successes because we can learn from them.
Be certain to go out there with as much self-confidence and self-assurance as you can muster.... be sure to present yourself as a confident and happy female no matter what is thrown at you in way of comments, stares, and pointing. Personally I had experienced all of that myself. We have all been there. It is not pleasant but it happens to almost all of us.
Please keep your updates coming.
If you report bad news we can all support and encourage you.
If you report good news we can all rejoice, celebrate and be happy for you.
Hugs for you!!!!
Danielle
Thanks
I tell my friend a random guy called me bro and it bothered me and she says "yeah man or sir is better" lol kill me
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I'm having a really bad bout of dysphoria right now. I don't think going back to work today helped, I feel like a massive phone wearing men's clothes when I don't feel like a man, looking at women dressed and looking like how I should look, then I look in the mirror and I am a man. Thought I had a hold over this!
Quote from: Sinead on April 03, 2018, 12:25:20 PM
I'm having a really bad bout of dysphoria right now. I don't think going back to work today helped, I feel like a massive phone wearing men's clothes when I don't feel like a man, looking at women dressed and looking like how I should look, then I look in the mirror and I am a man. Thought I had a hold over this!
I feel the same way.. Stay strong we will overcome this
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Not today but last night. I had feelings bottled up since last Saturday regarding my ex. Missing him.
Last night was rainy and I just felt sad all of the sudden. Was walking my way home and could barely hold in the tears, as soon as I got home I cried for like 2 hours. Had to get my ass up and went to the gym so I could get distracted.
Well despite my wearing the bunny Onzie Management was not impressed by me doing this and got in trouble for a rule that does not exist at least the residents were happy. So it was worth it in a way
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on April 03, 2018, 02:52:32 PM
Well despite my wearing the bunny Onzie Management was not impressed by me doing this and got in trouble for a rule that does not exist at least the residents were happy. So it was worth it in a way
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@ Natalie.Ashlyne:Well, I think that the consensus here on the Forums is that your bunny outfit looked cute and very nice on you. Plus it was a very festive outfit for Easter time. Certainly there must have been lots of others co-workers and like you said, the residents that liked your attire.
Just who are the party-poopers at you work anyway? Well, if they are the management as you stated, I guess that they are holding all the Aces in their hand so you MUST SUBMIT!!!!
Have a great evening and continue being the "fun" you..... just don't get fired.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on April 03, 2018, 02:52:32 PM
Well despite my wearing the bunny Onzie Management was not impressed by me doing this and got in trouble for a rule that does not exist at least the residents were happy. So it was worth it in a way
Natalie - I think you look CUTE!! ;) in your bunny outfit x
Sonja.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 03, 2018, 05:22:50 PM
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@ Natalie.Ashlyne:
Well, I think that the consensus here on the Forums is that your bunny outfit looked cute and very nice on you. Plus it was a very festive outfit for Easter time. Certainly there must have been lots of others co-workers and like you said, the residents that liked your attire.
Just who are the party-poopers at you work anyway? Well, if they are the management as you stated, I guess that they are holding all the Aces in their hand so you MUST SUBMIT!!!!
Have a great evening and continue being the "fun" you..... just don't get fired.
Hugs,
Danielle
Hi Danielle and thank you, you are sweet I found out it was a staff member that complained so management had to take action The problem was it was to tight on my chest area. I know who complained. oh well it was worth it.
Quote from: Sonja on April 03, 2018, 07:36:59 PM
Natalie - I think you look CUTE!! ;) in your bunny outfit x
Sonja.
Thank you Sonja :)
Complete loss of interest in everything. Sat on a bench in the shopping centre looking at the wall all day, can't even be bothered to go for a ride or listen to music
Quote from: big kim on April 04, 2018, 11:01:34 AM
Complete loss of interest in everything. Sat on a bench in the shopping centre looking at the wall all day, can't even be bothered to go for a ride or listen to music
I hate it when I feel like that but it happens way to often, I call it "The Blahs" and think it is depression related
Sometimes I won't even get out of bed and I'll stop caring for myself and not bath or eat or do much of anything or go anywhere
People even the police have come by just to see if I'm alive, that happened just this afternoon a neighbor stopped by and yeah I was still in bed staring at the ceiling but I put my robe on and answered the door
I appreciate it but it's also kind of embarrassing so I try to make a point of at least making a daily appearance before going back into hiding
Not really sure what to recommend but I usually try to find a distraction in keeping busy or visiting a friend
Hope you feel better soon
Hugs
Quote from: big kim on April 04, 2018, 11:01:34 AM
Complete loss of interest in everything. Sat on a bench in the shopping centre looking at the wall all day, can't even be bothered to go for a ride or listen to music
@ Kim: I have been "there" too... that is when I grab my go-to pick me up....
... CHOCOLATE in any shape or form!!
I trust that you get back to your normal self soon. Sometimes when I am feeling down, that is a perfect time to do some in serious thinking just as long as I find a way to not get more depressed... I think positive thoughts if I can.... there are always things in my that I can be most thankful for, I think on those things.
Sometimes too, if the weather cooperates I go walking, jogging or running... or go to a gym to exercise... that usually clears my mind.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 04, 2018, 04:35:06 PM
@ Kim: I have been "there" too... that is when I grab my go-to pick me up....
... CHOCOLATE in any shape or form!!
I trust that you get back to your normal self soon. Sometimes when I am feeling down, that is a perfect time to do some in serious thinking just as long as I find a way to not get more depressed... I think positive thoughts if I can.... there are always things in my that I can be most thankful for, I think on those things.
Sometimes too, if the weather cooperates I go walking, jogging or running... or go to a gym to exercise... that usually clears my mind.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Remember that at this post Easter time many (chocolate) bunnies are in need of good temporary homes.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Only one doing the hard part on a massive database project for my courses, 25% of grade with a brutal professor. Due Sunday. I'm freaking out and stressed and no one else seems to care too much, and only one person has even attempted to put in serious effort. I've spent 10+ solid hours today alone writing SQL, hours more to go by tomorrow or so, so that maybe, MAYBE someone puts together the presentation. I'm fully prepared to do that too though. Oh, and in addition to rest of coursework in this and other classes including other big projects.
I don't post on this thread often and I can't share many details, but I'm going through some horrible personal turmoil right now; ironically not even directly related to my transition.
Stuff I thought was truly in my past, but someone just raked those coals over.
When it comes to emotionally based decisisions, I just paralyse. [emoji853]
I have a very important appointment with the GIC next week that I've been getting very anxious about, and the timing of this could not be worse.
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I am having a crappy day no matter what I wear or do I Just feel ugly and fat lonely I cant seem to do or say anything right every thing is going wrong today really hating myself trying to stay away from any mirror
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on April 06, 2018, 09:03:19 PM
I am having a crappy day no matter what I wear or do I Just feel ugly and fat lonely I cant seem to do or say anything right every thing is going wrong today really hating myself trying to stay away from any mirror
I get days like that too. Actually most days are and it's tough to the point I stopped going to work [emoji17] please hang in there. You are beautiful and cared about. Sorry if my response isn't worded in the best way but you're not alone [emoji173]
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I have no running water in my apt. due to a leak in a water main and of course no-one will let me have a go at it even though I do have experience in such repairs
I guess I'll just have to sit tight and get a bit ripe while I hope someone in mgmnt will get it figured :P
Took a mental health day yesterday. I work in IT and part of my job is ensuring computers are in compliance. We have a professor or two that are under the impression that the computers they use are theirs and the university's and don't want us touching them. So, he needed and upgrade to office due to a dual factor authentication upgrade and wouldn't let me put management software on the computer so as to install it. So he buys office on his own, which is out of compliance. Now he wants to migrate email from Apple Mail. My boss won't tell him that he has to conform as he brings in grant money and likes to make a stink about it when he needs to get his way. For me, I don't like enforcing policies unfairly. So some don't have to follow the rules because the don't want to. Why have policies? This ahole would probably be the first one to rail against white male privilege, but loves exercising his own privilege when it suits him. So I took a day off. After that, I'm not enforcing anything anymore. I don't get paid enough to be duplicitous and I despise unfairness. So I needed a day away from being a civil Servant.
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Quote from: Gertrude on April 07, 2018, 08:40:17 AM
Took a mental health day yesterday. I work in IT and part of my job is ensuring computers are in compliance. We have a professor or two that are under the impression that the computers they use are theirs and the university's and don't want us touching them. So, he needed and upgrade to office due to a dual factor authentication upgrade and wouldn't let me put management software on the computer so as to install it. So he buys office on his own, which is out of compliance. Now he wants to migrate email from Apple Mail. My boss won't tell him that he has to conform as he brings in grant money and likes to make a stink about it when he needs to get his way. For me, I don't like enforcing policies unfairly. So some don't have to follow the rules because the don't want to. Why have policies? This ahole would probably be the first one to rail against white male privilege, but loves exercising his own privilege when it suits him. So I took a day off. After that, I'm not enforcing anything anymore. I don't get paid enough to be duplicitous and I despise unfairness. So I needed a day away from being a civil Servant.
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Hugs hun. I took a couple of those last year (for the first time ever).
You did the right thing, our mental health is very important. X
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Quote from: Allison S on April 06, 2018, 09:22:39 PM
I get days like that too. Actually most days are and it's tough to the point I stopped going to work [emoji17] please hang in there. You are beautiful and cared about. Sorry if my response isn't worded in the best way but you're not alone [emoji173]
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Thank you Allison it cheered me up to read this today and what you said makes sense . Last night I just ended up crying my self to sleep. I am feeling a bit better today.
The water was turned back on for the time being over the weekend but I can still hear the leak spraying so I imagine it will be turned off again to make another attempt to fix it so I'm filling anything and everything that will hold water to make ready
My new dresses got lost in the post which was rather annoying and it was just generally a miserable day on Sunday. I actually stayed round a friend's in Saturday night and I can remember now why I don't see them often. One guy is just so desperate to be macho and incrediblely rude and undermining to everyone.
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Loneliness made me unhappy today, but then again it makes me unhappy everyday. The fact that millions of people died today, yesterday, and tomorrow is also depressing me. I am unhappy that the dress I bought did not look as cool as I thought it would, but it is such a minor thing that it does not matter....at all.
Quote from: TicTac on April 12, 2018, 12:38:53 AM
Loneliness made me unhappy today, but then again it makes me unhappy everyday. The fact that millions of people died today, yesterday, and tomorrow is also depressing me. I am unhappy that the dress I bought did not look as cool as I thought it would, but it is such a minor thing that it does not matter....at all.
I'm sorry you feel that way. I know what that's like (feeling lonely). I opened up in my support group and that helped me a lot. I was already making friends with members in the group and they were inviting me to go places, but it was nice to have them their in person.
I get upset when a dress doesn't look right or the way I envision. So I completely understand that
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Loneliness made me unhappy today, but then again it makes me unhappy everyday. Me too, 13 years since i was in a relationship. 10 years since I had a 2nd date with someone.
F-ing hackerbots hit our website *3* flipping times just today. Every time I'd get half way through cleaning up, they'd hit again. I wish I knew how they do it, but I'm not allowed full access. Sigh...
I think I've got it cleared out, for now.
Hey, don't you hacker types have anything better to do? Why don't you go pick on the Russians or something.
Being called sir 3 times on the same call when calling tech support for my cellphone today. I corrected him each time, sigh. Nothing a peanut butter cookie dough blizzard from dairy queen couldn't fix though :)
Quote from: Allison S on April 12, 2018, 02:28:08 AM
I'm sorry you feel that way. I know what that's like (feeling lonely). I opened up in my support group and that helped me a lot. I was already making friends with members in the group and they were inviting me to go places, but it was nice to have them their in person.
I get upset when a dress doesn't look right or the way I envision. So I completely understand that
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Having a support group must be nice. I have thought about joining one, but my social anxiety makes it difficult to talk to people, but it is great that you found new friends. The only way I could make a friend is if they approached me in an attempt to start a conversation. Unfortunately I come off a bit standoffish so people tend to keep their distance. It may never happen for me and I have been trying to accept that fact but it still hurts.
Quote from: big kim on April 12, 2018, 01:17:33 PM
Loneliness made me unhappy today, but then again it makes me unhappy everyday. Me too, 13 years since i was in a relationship. 10 years since I had a 2nd date with someone.
I am sorry Kim :( Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. I hope you will find someone someday that will make you happy.
I am extremely unhappy, because my wife whom I love and care about very much and has been my greatest support in my transition, suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, and is very narcissistic but is in extreme denial about it and often projects her own behaviors onto me as if I am the one doing to her exactly that which she is doing to me. It is extremely messed up. And she will go from absolutely loving and adoring me one day and telling me she would not survive losing me......but then the very next day something will happen, and she does a complete 180, and will absolutely destroy me verbally. This fight we are currently in has been going on for 3 days now. The first day, part of her insults flung at me, is that she told me she is going to stop correctly gendering me and is going to start calling me "He and Him" and going to stop refering to me as her wife now. Which is tremendously hurtful that she would use that against me just because she is upset.
Then yesterday, she told me "I am sick of looking like a freak show when we are out in public together! And I'm sick and tired of having to explain to people why our family looks the way it does!." Just absolutely cutting me to the bone!!! It's so sad, because everyone thinks she is such an amazing support to me, and at times it feels like she really is because she always encourages me to go out as myself, and buys me cute clothes that she suggests I wear and holds my hand and kisses me in public and things. But then to stand there and tell me that she is tired of looking like a freak show when she's out in public with me????? That was by far the most hurtful thing she has ever said to me throughout our entire relationship. So today....she wanted me to meet her and our daughter for lunch......I have been presenting mostly full time for the past month, but I could not bring myself to put my wig and makeup on like I've been doing every day, and I showed up as a man. Which then of course I was in huge trouble for because "Didn't you stop to think how that might confuse our daughter???" I absolutely cannot win with this woman. Everything I do is wrong when she's upset. It is because of her BPD and narcissism. It causes her to perceive things that are not real. It causes her to fear abandonment to such an extreme, that she does things that would cause me to abandon her as a test to see if I really do or not. It is severely twisted and only those who live or have lived with someone with BPD could fully understand what I deal with on a daily basis.
Close call while riding my bike :o This girl was texting and driving and nearly ran me over >:( Luckily I was able to swerve and avoid getting flattened but I had to push myself away from the car, I think I might have dented the door a bit
Anyway, I yelled "Pay attention!!!" and it startled her enough to stop - She started to say something but I just rode away because I knew I'd blow up at her otherwise
Quote from: V M on April 15, 2018, 02:42:29 AM
Close call while riding my bike :o This girl was texting and driving and nearly ran me over >:( Luckily I was able to swerve and avoid getting flattened but I had to push myself away from the car, I think I might have dented the door a bit
Anyway, I yelled "Pay attention!!!" and it startled her enough to stop - She started to say something but I just rode away because I knew I'd blow up at her otherwise
I am so sorry that happened to you. That sounds like a scary situation to be in. Glad you are safe!
Quote from: LaRell on April 13, 2018, 12:50:55 AM
I am extremely unhappy, because my wife whom I love and care about very much and has been my greatest support in my transition, suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, and is very narcissistic but is in extreme denial about it and often projects her own behaviors onto me as if I am the one doing to her exactly that which she is doing to me. It is extremely messed up. And she will go from absolutely loving and adoring me one day and telling me she would not survive losing me......but then the very next day something will happen, and she does a complete 180, and will absolutely destroy me verbally. This fight we are currently in has been going on for 3 days now. The first day, part of her insults flung at me, is that she told me she is going to stop correctly gendering me and is going to start calling me "He and Him" and going to stop refering to me as her wife now. Which is tremendously hurtful that she would use that against me just because she is upset.
Then yesterday, she told me "I am sick of looking like a freak show when we are out in public together! And I'm sick and tired of having to explain to people why our family looks the way it does!." Just absolutely cutting me to the bone!!! It's so sad, because everyone thinks she is such an amazing support to me, and at times it feels like she really is because she always encourages me to go out as myself, and buys me cute clothes that she suggests I wear and holds my hand and kisses me in public and things. But then to stand there and tell me that she is tired of looking like a freak show when she's out in public with me????? That was by far the most hurtful thing she has ever said to me throughout our entire relationship. So today....she wanted me to meet her and our daughter for lunch......I have been presenting mostly full time for the past month, but I could not bring myself to put my wig and makeup on like I've been doing every day, and I showed up as a man. Which then of course I was in huge trouble for because "Didn't you stop to think how that might confuse our daughter???" I absolutely cannot win with this woman. Everything I do is wrong when she's upset. It is because of her BPD and narcissism. It causes her to perceive things that are not real. It causes her to fear abandonment to such an extreme, that she does things that would cause me to abandon her as a test to see if I really do or not. It is severely twisted and only those who live or have lived with someone with BPD could fully understand what I deal with on a daily basis.
I'm very sorry for this. I was to post about something that made me sad but it honestly looks so silly in comparison to your issue. Sending you big hugs from the other side of the screen! :( is she going to therapy or a psychiatrist? It might help her.
Unhappy... maybe not the right word. But definitely a bit put off and irritated. My step-brother has an mtf trans cousin who is fully presenting female. I mentioned it was sort of a strange coincidence that Facebook kept recommending her as a friend first on the list based off just being mutual with my step brother and step sister when other people who I had more mutuals with were much further down the list. Thought it as interesting is all. But talking about it, he just constantly dead named her and used wrong pronouns. Not maliciously, he has some, lets just say socialization issues that play into that sort of thing, making him sort of actively oblivious (comes across as inconsiderate sometimes, but its a lack of consideration born from his own issues and not that he is a jerk at all). It bothered me though, but I wasn't really sure how to address it with him so I just sort of kept pointedly using the right name/pronouns hoping he'd take the hint. (He did not.)
This then played in with some other stuff that I shouldn't get fully into here, so will leave it at that. Might bring it up my thread once I organize my thoughts about it.
Quote from: Roll on April 16, 2018, 04:54:19 PM
Unhappy... maybe not the right word. But definitely a bit put off and irritated. My step-brother has an mtf trans cousin who is fully presenting female. I mentioned it was sort of a strange coincidence that Facebook kept recommending her as a friend first on the list based off just being mutual with my step brother and step sister when other people who I had more mutuals with were much further down the list. Thought it as interesting is all. But talking about it, he just constantly dead named her and used wrong pronouns. Not maliciously, he has some, lets just say socialization issues that play into that sort of thing, making him sort of actively oblivious (comes across as inconsiderate sometimes, but its a lack of consideration born from his own issues and not that he is a jerk at all). It bothered me though, but I wasn't really sure how to address it with him so I just sort of kept pointedly using the right name/pronouns hoping he'd take the hint. (He did not.)
This then played in with some other stuff that I shouldn't get fully into here, so will leave it at that. Might bring it up my thread once I organize my thoughts about it.
My brothers do that to me all the time. I honestly don't worry about it too much. It's not worth getting annoyed about it. Especially considering you think he has issues.
Sometimes not giving a **** is the absolute best way. The abuse I receive everytime I go home should have me swinging. But I just have learned and really got it down to a T to not care atall. And it has totally aloud me to flourish. The problem they think I have is turned right around and thrown on them, now they have the problem :'3
And I never fight with them about, just do my thing
I think I might be schizophrenic and I am really upset about it. Why can't I just be fricking normal? I have had minor auditory hallucinations throughout my life, but I did not think much of it. I had a mental breakdown a month ago, or at least I think it was because I started seeing weird things such as wires moving, and other things which caused me to cry uncontrollably during the episode. Ever since then there has been very minor hallucinations but they do not happen often which is good.
I talked about these events to my therapist today and she looked very concerned. I guess it does not help that I have also been suicidal these past few weeks. She asked me if I knew what a psych ward was, which freaked me out because I feel like she was hinting at something. Unfortunately it seems I have the beginning signs of schizophrenia, at least according to google.
I really hope that this is not the case, because I already suffer from social anxiety and plus the stress of being transgender does not help.
Some good things came out of that therapy session though so that is good.
Quote from: TicTac on April 17, 2018, 01:26:52 AM
I think I might be schizophrenic and I am really upset about it. Why can't I just be fricking normal? I have had minor auditory hallucinations throughout my life, but I did not think much of it. I had a mental breakdown a month ago, or at least I think it was because I started seeing weird things such as wires moving, and other things which caused me to cry uncontrollably during the episode. Ever since then there has been very minor hallucinations but they do not happen often which is good.
I talked about these events to my therapist today and she looked very concerned. I guess it does not help that I have also been suicidal these past few weeks. She asked me if I knew what a psych ward was, which freaked me out because I feel like she was hinting at something. Unfortunately it seems I have the beginning signs of schizophrenia, at least according to google.
I really hope that this is not the case, because I already suffer from social anxiety and plus the stress of being transgender does not help.
Some good things came out of that therapy session though so that is good.
First things first: No one is truly "normal". I am the child of a psychiatrist and work with my father and step mother's company (which oversees and provides psychiatric nurse practitioners for the state and large hospitals) providing IT. As such, while I am just on the periphery of the mental health industry, even then have seen that point driven home time and time again. No matter how put together or "normal" everyone else seems, there is no telling what is really going on behind the scenes. And if you do have schizophrenia (which I am not saying you do), so do countless other people, and you should never feel ashamed of it. "Mental breakdowns" are extraordinarily common as well, and I've had my share as well.
I hope I am not overstepping my bounds by saying the following, but on the off chance it is of any help... If, and I stress *if*, things do continue to get worse, don't be afraid of or put off by people throwing out references to psych wards, or anything else for that matter. Therapists, doctors, and so forth will throw out a lot of ideas and possibilities, but just because they mention it doesn't mean they are saying that is what is right for you or that they are going to "have you committed" or something to that effect. It is their job to give you the options and explain them properly (not that they all do). There are tons of possible approaches to dealing with those sorts of things, and any decent healthcare provider will shape their approach to you and not just what they think you need, but what *you* *want*. Remember the all important detail far too many people forget: At the end of the day, the healthcare industry is a service industry.
They work for you, and except for in extreme cases they absolutely cannot tell you what to do or force you to do it. (Also, just in general: Forget the cliches and stereotypes you may have of what a psych ward is from movies, that's really, really not what they are at all.)
(And I'd say we should start a special club for those of us dealing with both severe social anxiety and being transgender, but I'm pretty sure that would pretty much be the entire forum pretty much anyway. The venn diagram between those two things is pretty much just one circle. ;D <3)
My mom just told me "you're a boy. Nothing about you is a girl; not your face, not your body and not your height" ... I'm prepared to never see her again
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Quote from: Allison S on April 17, 2018, 01:19:30 PM
My mom just told me "you're a boy. Nothing about you is a girl; not your face, not your body and not your height" ... I'm prepared to never see her again
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Oh Allison that's really awful. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through that.
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Quote from: MollyPants on April 17, 2018, 02:12:15 PM
Oh Allison that's really awful. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through that.
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Thanks. I'm just tired emotionally. I didn't even say anything back to her I just broke down crying... It still hurts. I don't know if I can take it anymore
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Quote from: Allison S on April 17, 2018, 07:50:51 PM
Thanks. I'm just tired emotionally. I didn't even say anything back to her I just broke down crying... It still hurts. I don't know if I can take it anymore
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I am sorry Allison I know you are strong just hang in there I am sorry she said that she is probably scared of losing her son and does not know how to react. Just stay strong you are pretty. :)
Waited about to go to my endo appt. but the transport never showed, oh well I'll have to reschedule
Quote from: Roll on April 17, 2018, 11:54:08 AM
First things first: No one is truly "normal". I am the child of a psychiatrist and work with my father and step mother's company (which oversees and provides psychiatric nurse practitioners for the state and large hospitals) providing IT. As such, while I am just on the periphery of the mental health industry, even then have seen that point driven home time and time again. No matter how put together or "normal" everyone else seems, there is no telling what is really going on behind the scenes. And if you do have schizophrenia (which I am not saying you do), so do countless other people, and you should never feel ashamed of it. "Mental breakdowns" are extraordinarily common as well, and I've had my share as well.
I hope I am not overstepping my bounds by saying the following, but on the off chance it is of any help... If, and I stress *if*, things do continue to get worse, don't be afraid of or put off by people throwing out references to psych wards, or anything else for that matter. Therapists, doctors, and so forth will throw out a lot of ideas and possibilities, but just because they mention it doesn't mean they are saying that is what is right for you or that they are going to "have you committed" or something to that effect. It is their job to give you the options and explain them properly (not that they all do). There are tons of possible approaches to dealing with those sorts of things, and any decent healthcare provider will shape their approach to you and not just what they think you need, but what *you* *want*. Remember the all important detail far too many people forget: At the end of the day, the healthcare industry is a service industry. They work for you, and except for in extreme cases they absolutely cannot tell you what to do or force you to do it. (Also, just in general: Forget the cliches and stereotypes you may have of what a psych ward is from movies, that's really, really not what they are at all.)
(And I'd say we should start a special club for those of us dealing with both severe social anxiety and being transgender, but I'm pretty sure that would pretty much be the entire forum pretty much anyway. The venn diagram between those two things is pretty much just one circle. ;D <3)
Wow, thank you for the reply and information Roll. I really appreciate it :)
Susan's place should have an area to discus social anxiety, as a lot of people who are transgender seem to have it. A bit surprising, but oh well.
Yeah, I did some research on psych wards after I saw her, and it is not as bad as I thought it would be. I was thinking they were going to lock me in a room for months on end or something, but apparently it is only for a few days at most. She did tell me that she would have me sent to one if I threatened to kill myself after I left, or had a plan on doing it. I am not going to get into details but before I saw her I definitely did have a plan to do it, and the only reason I didn't was because there was nowhere to hang myself. Probably for the best that I did not tell her that, as I would still rather not go to a ward.
Anyways, I am feeling better after seeing her and so yeah. I am not to fond of talking about my problems on forums, because they seem a bit attention seeking, which is not my intent at all. Due to how dark I guess my problems are I think it is best to keep these thoughts to myself, and honestly I am not looking for sympathy as I know that in the end only I can fix myself.
It is pretty cool that your family owns a company, and it is awesome that they are helping people!
Thank you again for taking the time to reply as you definitely did not have to.
Quote from: Allison S on April 17, 2018, 01:19:30 PM
My mom just told me "you're a boy. Nothing about you is a girl; not your face, not your body and not your height" ... I'm prepared to never see her again
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Jesus, that is pretty awful. I am assuming, but it sounds like your mom is having a hard time with your transition and maybe she should see a therapist. I told my mom she should have one, as she has expressed to me that she wishes she could make me not be transgender anymore.
Sorry you have to go through this.
A couple of points, Tic-tac, I'm in a psych field, too, although these days I mostly work with non-psychiactric populations. Social anxiety disorder IS extremely common in any overly stressed population; transgender people, people with traumatic brain injuries, oppressed minorities. It's worse when these people have few supports, better when they have a supportive community. That's the point of Susan's.
As to what you describe, suicidal idiation, it's not a cause for committal and it only leads to.a 72 hour hold if you have a plan and the intent. They keep.you long enough to get past.the crisis and to see if the source demands further care of some sort. In our case the source is pretty obvious and the solution is well known, transition.
I've struggled with this all my life (only one attempt, when I was extremely young).
Now that your mother has "kindly" exposed your stressor, your toxic environment, you can work to remove the real problem in whatever way you think best rather than resort to a "permanent solution to a temporary problem".
[emoji3], and maybe get a semicolon tattoo.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: Allison S on April 17, 2018, 01:19:30 PM
My mom just told me "you're a boy. Nothing about you is a girl; not your face, not your body and not your height" ... I'm prepared to never see her again
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So sorry for that :( sending you hugs.
Quote from: TicTac on April 18, 2018, 02:47:38 AM
Anyways, I am feeling better after seeing her and so yeah. I am not to fond of talking about my problems on forums, because they seem a bit attention seeking, which is not my intent at all. Due to how dark I guess my problems are I think it is best to keep these thoughts to myself, and honestly I am not looking for sympathy as I know that in the end only I can fix myself.
Oh, you should never worry about being "attention seeking" or worrying about people thinking you are! While there are definitely social/communal aspects of the site, first and foremost it serves as a support forum, and so you should always feel free to talk about whatever is on your mind! (My own little blog thread is a bizarre mix of cheerful offhand one-liners back to back with posts where I'm in tears freaking out over whatever my issue is that week. ;D)
A wonderful thing about these communities and support group settings as well is that people aren't just going to offer you vague sympathy (which can certainly feel demeaning), but true
empathy. While no two of us are exactly alike or have the exact same experiences, the common ground in those experiences is vast. For example, I replied to you here because I could relate. :)
(Also, there is nothing to fix, you aren't broken! Just human. Treating something, be it depression or schizophrenia is not about fixing what is broken, but more akin to steadying a course. If you take a wrong turn, you don't need to stop and fix the car, you just find a way to get back on the path you want to be on. Key words there being "you want" again. ;D)
Quote
It is pretty cool that your family owns a company, and it is awesome that they are helping people!
Thank you again for taking the time to reply as you definitely did not have to.
Oh sweetie, no thanks is needed, it was genuinely my pleasure. I owe this community so much more than I can ever repay in a million lifetimes.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on April 18, 2018, 06:38:02 AM
A couple of points, Tic-tac, I'm in a psych field, too, although these days I mostly work with non-psychiactric populations. Social anxiety disorder IS extremely common in any overly stressed population; transgender people, people with traumatic brain injuries, oppressed minorities. It's worse when these people have few supports, better when they have a supportive community. That's the point of Susan's.
As to what you describe, suicidal idiation, it's not a cause for committal and it only leads to.a 72 hour hold if you have a plan and the intent. They keep.you long enough to get past.the crisis and to see if the source demands further care of some sort. In our case the source is pretty obvious and the solution is well known, transition.
I've struggled with this all my life (only one attempt, when I was extremely young).
Now that your mother has "kindly" exposed your stressor, your toxic environment, you can work to remove the real problem in whatever way you think best rather than resort to a "permanent solution to a temporary problem".
[emoji3], and maybe get a semicolon tattoo.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Just quick clarification, that was Allison speaking about her mother not TicTac. TicTac just replied to her.
Deed poll came back AGAIN after saying it needed to be shown as exhibit A they now want a plain copy GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Quote from: Roll on April 18, 2018, 10:24:54 AM
Just quick clarification, that was Allison speaking about her mother not TicTac. TicTac just replied to her.
Thanks. I lost track of the thread.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
I had a very vivid dream in which I was angry at my family. I then found my sister and was so excited because in my dream she was real. I was sure I wasn't dreaming. I then woke up and it hit me, she has been gone since 2007. I miss you and love you Laura. XO
Monica
Monica I'm glad you had a nice dream about your sister, but sad she's gone from your life.
Thank you Judi! Ten years almost and it still hurts.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on April 18, 2018, 06:38:02 AM
A couple of points, Tic-tac, I'm in a psych field, too, although these days I mostly work with non-psychiactric populations. Social anxiety disorder IS extremely common in any overly stressed population; transgender people, people with traumatic brain injuries, oppressed minorities. It's worse when these people have few supports, better when they have a supportive community. That's the point of Susan's.
As to what you describe, suicidal idiation, it's not a cause for committal and it only leads to.a 72 hour hold if you have a plan and the intent. They keep.you long enough to get past.the crisis and to see if the source demands further care of some sort. In our case the source is pretty obvious and the solution is well known, transition.
I've struggled with this all my life (only one attempt, when I was extremely young).
Now that your mother has "kindly" exposed your stressor, your toxic environment, you can work to remove the real problem in whatever way you think best rather than resort to a "permanent solution to a temporary problem".
[emoji3], and maybe get a semicolon tattoo.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Hmm a semicolon tattoo? Uh...what is a semicolon :icon_confused2: I am just going to google that later maybe. Yes, I did go to school I promise lol. Oh my gosh this does not look good... :icon_ashamed:
I never realized how common social anxiety was. I am both relived and saddened by that fact. For the longest time my anxiety prevented me from interacting with people in real life and online. I am embarrassed to say that to this day my mom still makes my phone appointments because I am to afraid to do it myself. I only just recently (a few months ago) was able to build the courage to talk to people on forums and such. I used to be terrified of the idea but it has gotten better.
I wonder why I suffer from this? Maybe it was my childhood as the men my mom dated treated me very poorly apparently, but strangely enough I do not remember much. I guess it is probably for the best that I don't though.
You know, this would not bother me if I was like 10, but at 23 years old it is or can be seen as odd, but like you guys said there is no such thing as normal. Sometimes I wonder if I have avoidant personality disorder, but does it really matter if I do? Everyone knows I suffer from anxiety, and they are both the same thing basically.
Sorry for talking about my life's story, but it does feel nice to share.
I did not know you struggled with suicide...I am sorry. Though I am glad you are doing better!
Thank you for the reply and information!
Quote from: Roll on April 18, 2018, 10:24:54 AM
Oh, you should never worry about being "attention seeking" or worrying about people thinking you are! While there are definitely social/communal aspects of the site, first and foremost it serves as a support forum, and so you should always feel free to talk about whatever is on your mind! (My own little blog thread is a bizarre mix of cheerful offhand one-liners back to back with posts where I'm in tears freaking out over whatever my issue is that week. ;D)
A wonderful thing about these communities and support group settings as well is that people aren't just going to offer you vague sympathy (which can certainly feel demeaning), but true empathy. While no two of us are exactly alike or have the exact same experiences, the common ground in those experiences is vast. For example, I replied to you here because I could relate. :)
(Also, there is nothing to fix, you aren't broken! Just human. Treating something, be it depression or schizophrenia is not about fixing what is broken, but more akin to steadying a course. If you take a wrong turn, you don't need to stop and fix the car, you just find a way to get back on the path you want to be on. Key words there being "you want" again. ;D)
Oh sweetie, no thanks is needed, it was genuinely my pleasure. I owe this community so much more than I can ever repay in a million lifetimes.
Just quick clarification, that was Allison speaking about her mother not TicTac. TicTac just replied to her.
You are right, and I am not sure why I said those things, as I like sharing my thoughts and stuff. Maybe I guess it is because of all the problems I talk about, and I was afraid people saw me as desperate for attention, but like you said Susan's place is a community for people who well, need A community I suppose lol.
Thanks for replying!
Quote from: TicTac on April 19, 2018, 03:21:58 AM
You are right, and I am not sure why I said those things, as I like sharing my thoughts and stuff. Maybe I guess it is because of all the problems I talk about, and I was afraid people saw me as desperate for attention, but like you said Susan's place is a community for people who well, need A community I suppose lol.
Thanks for replying!
That's how I feel too sometimes but I think it does help to talk about stuff. Even if it's on a forum with strangers at first. But you're talking to your therapist and mom too. That's good!! I'm doing the same. Even if just to be able to get help thinking things through. I'm in my head alot it becomes too lonely. Hearing or seeing things probably heightens everything for you. If there's a time you need help it's right now. We all do need help from others time to time.
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Quote from: Allison S on April 19, 2018, 07:19:40 AM
That's how I feel too sometimes but I think it does help to talk about stuff. Even if it's on a forum with strangers at first. But you're talking to your therapist and mom too. That's good!! I'm doing the same. Even if just to be able to get help thinking things through. I'm in my head alot it becomes too lonely. Hearing or seeing things probably heightens everything for you. If there's a time you need help it's right now. We all do need help from others time to time.
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Yeah, I am glad I discovered Susan's place, because I probably would have gone mad from loneliness if I hadn't. There was another forum I was/am on before this one, and I would say the name but I think that is not allowed on Susan's place. Anyways, the population is to large, which means it is hard to communicate with people when your comment is always buried due to the overflow of people who also comment.
It definitely is nice to be able to share your thoughts and get actual reply's from them!
Got turned down for yet another job today. Yet another job doing the exact same thing I've been doing for 13 years (actually, it involved less things than I'm doing now!). I just don't understand it. It feels like if I was already moved to the Kansas City area, I could find something quickly and easily, but I can't move until I have a job. I'm getting desperate to move. As much as I'm happy that I've been accepted as well as I have down here, my friends, future, and most of all the woman I love are 100 miles away.
Quote from: TicTac on April 19, 2018, 12:22:31 PM
Yeah, I am glad I discovered Susan's place, because I probably would have gone mad from loneliness if I hadn't. There was another forum I was/am on before this one, and I would say the name but I think that is not allowed on Susan's place. Anyways, the population is to large, which means it is hard to communicate with people when your comment is always buried due to the overflow of people who also comment.
It definitely is nice to be able to share your thoughts and get actual reply's from them!
Yeah it is nice [emoji4] you can message me anytime!! I try to get back to everyone
Quote from: Sarah_P on April 19, 2018, 01:24:12 PM
Got turned down for yet another job today. Yet another job doing the exact same thing I've been doing for 13 years (actually, it involved less things than I'm doing now!). I just don't understand it. It feels like if I was already moved to the Kansas City area, I could find something quickly and easily, but I can't move until I have a job. I'm getting desperate to move. As much as I'm happy that I've been accepted as well as I have down here, my friends, future, and most of all the woman I love are 100 miles away.
I'm sorry to hear Sarah. Hope you find an even better job very soon, good luck!
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1. Facial hair...I hate it ugh. Not only do I hate it but getting rid of it is painful. I was hoping laser hair removal would be less painful then the other option...but no. I literally started crying during my last session with laser because the pain was kinda unbearable. It was a pretty embarrassing moment lol. It gets rid of it for a few weeks but then it comes back, and so does the shadow...yuck. I wish the nightmare would end already.
2. Boredom is killing me. I am more active on Susan's then usual because there has been a bit of stagnation in my life. The thing I was doing had to be put on hold, and my online college class is unscheduled, meaning that I do not have to do anything for like a week if wanted. I guess I can do that instead but I don't know.
Quote from: TicTac on April 21, 2018, 03:24:36 PM
1. Facial hair...I hate it ugh. Not only do I hate it but getting rid of it is painful. I was hoping laser hair removal would be less painful then the other option...but no. I literally started crying during my last session with laser because the pain was kinda unbearable. It was a pretty embarrassing moment lol. It gets rid of it for a few weeks but then it comes back, and so does the shadow...yuck. I wish the nightmare would end already.
2. Boredom is killing me. I am more active on Susan's then usual because there has been a bit of stagnation in my life. The thing I was doing had to be put on hold, and my online college class is unscheduled, meaning that I do not have to do anything for like a week if wanted. I guess I can do that instead but I don't know.
Same thing for me with laser. It really sucks I don't know what to do anymore
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Quote from: Sarah_P on April 19, 2018, 01:24:12 PM
Got turned down for yet another job today. Yet another job doing the exact same thing I've been doing for 13 years (actually, it involved less things than I'm doing now!). I just don't understand it. It feels like if I was already moved to the Kansas City area, I could find something quickly and easily, but I can't move until I have a job. I'm getting desperate to move. As much as I'm happy that I've been accepted as well as I have down here, my friends, future, and most of all the woman I love are 100 miles away.
@Sarah_P .... hang in there girl... I can certainly feel your frustration as I am certain that many others on the Forums have been in the same situation. Keep being persistent and keep a positive attitude... it will be evident to those that you discuss job opportunities with.
Please keep us posted... we are pulling for you.
Wishing you the best, as always.
Hugs and more hugs.
Danielle
Quote from: Allison S on April 21, 2018, 05:19:07 PM
Same thing for me with laser. It really sucks I don't know what to do anymore
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I am sorry you are suffering as well. She asked me if it was getting easier to deal with...it is not. Strangely enough I had a better time dealing with it when I first started but now it is just unbearable.
My kid got mad at me because I ended up not being able to throw money towards their bill problems. I guess, despite being on disability and barely having money for my own bills, I'm supposed to be a bank, able to hand out money whenever they need to pay bills. They're married and work, yet I'm supposed to support them when they get in over their heads. FML
Ryuichi
My social anxiety is driving me nuts! I am going to this transgender group hosted by my therapist tomorrow and I am terrified. I hope there is not a lot of people there, but I was dumb and did not ask her how many there would be. I am a very shy person in real life, so this will be very difficult but I am tired of the loneliness I guess. It would be nice to have a friend, because I do not have any right now.
I keep thinking about what should I do, what should I say? What if they don't like me?? I don't know what to do. I mean, what do I say, what do I say it is repeating in my brain and i'm going insane! I seriously need a legit chill pill right now lol.
Like most social situations I will probably sit there like a mouse while staring at my lap or something. People find my shyness adorable but I am suffering inside. Honestly, I think it would be easier on my anxiety if I could befriend someone online, but what are the chances of that happening??? I just want a close friendship with a single or with very few people. Most people find me boring because I don't like parties, drinking or stuff like that. I am more into hiking and nature stuff. I am just not into all the noise you know?
I am just ranting at this point because I am a total mess right now. I need to get it together and face my stupid fears already! Easier said then done though! My gosh I hope tomorrow is not a mess, and in fact I wish it would not come at all. Someone just put me out of my misery already ugh.
Anyways, that is why I am unhappy today.
Quote from: TicTac on April 22, 2018, 06:24:51 PM
My social anxiety is driving me nuts! I am going to this transgender group hosted by my therapist tomorrow and I am terrified. I hope there is not a lot of people there, but I was dumb and did not ask her how many there would be. I am a very shy person in real life, so this will be very difficult but I am tired of the loneliness I guess. It would be nice to have a friend, because I do not have any right now.
I keep thinking about what should I do, what should I say? What if they don't like me?? I don't know what to do. I mean, what do I say, what do I say it is repeating in my brain and i'm going insane! I seriously need a legit chill pill right now lol.
Like most social situations I will probably sit there like a mouse while staring at my lap or something. People find my shyness adorable but I am suffering inside. Honestly, I think it would be easier on my anxiety if I could befriend someone online, but what are the chances of that happening??? I just want a close friendship with a single or with very few people. Most people find me boring because I don't like parties, drinking or stuff like that. I am more into hiking and nature stuff. I am just not into all the noise you know?
I am just ranting at this point because I am a total mess right now. I need to get it together and face my stupid fears already! Easier said then done though! My gosh I hope tomorrow is not a mess, and in fact I wish it would not come at all. Someone just put me out of my misery already ugh.
Anyways, that is why I am unhappy today.
Hi
@TicTac it is normal to feel uncomfortable I used to be myself . I did not like a lot of people around or to speak to a lot of people at once. Once I became President of the union where I work I had to find something that would let me speak or be in front of hundreds even a few thousand people. So this is what I did I took an elastic band and put it on my wrist and when I started to feel uncomfortable and thought bad things as I was speaking I would snap the band on my wrist and it does sting a little but it has aloud me to speak in front of 10,000 people some time I use 2 elastics on each wrist
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on April 22, 2018, 06:42:37 PM
Hi @TicTac it is normal to feel uncomfortable I used to be myself . I did not like a lot of people around or to speak to a lot of people at once. Once I became President of the union where I work I had to find something that would let me speak or be in front of hundreds even a few thousand people. So this is what I did I took an elastic band and put it on my wrist and when I started to feel uncomfortable and thought bad things as I was speaking I would snap the band on my wrist and it does sting a little but it has aloud me to speak in front of 10,000 people some time I use 2 elastics on each wrist
That is a really interesting idea. I will definitely give it a try. Thank you!
TicTac, most of the people in the therapy group felt much like you did at their first meeting. They will understand you being reserved and after two or three meetings, I am pretty sure you will find yourself mixing with the others. For us, there is no other feeling like walking into a room with others who feel just like us. Most likely the closest you have come to this feeling is making the first post on Susan's and reading the responses. Look at you now. Your a regular contributor.
Everything. :(
Quote from: Dena on April 22, 2018, 06:54:44 PM
TicTac, most of the people in the therapy group felt much like you did at their first meeting. They will understand you being reserved and after two or three meetings, I am pretty sure you will find yourself mixing with the others. For us, there is no other feeling like walking into a room with others who feel just like us. Most likely the closest you have come to this feeling is making the first post on Susan's and reading the responses. Look at you now. Your a regular contributor.
Yeah, I used to be terrified of talking with others online, but it has gotten easier but not better. I come to Susan's because I am...lonely. There is a lot of nice people I have met here, and talking to them makes me feel happy, which is rare because I am usually deeply depressed.
I went to the therapy group this morning and there was probably about 9 people there. Of course, I did not speak at all and I pretty much stared at the table while listening to others speak. Right before i opened the exit door, someone stopped me and greeted me. I did not think anyone cared about my existence, so that was surprising. Another person also took the chance to say hi as well which was nice. They wanted me to show up at another group, but I awkwardly declined. I do not understand why they have even the slightest interest in me. Just because they are trans does not mean they have to like me and why would they?
Anyways, the experience was nice and I am glad I went. Who knows, maybe my dreams of having a friend will come true someday.
Quote from: ButterflyTsunami on April 22, 2018, 09:05:52 PM
Everything. :(
Hello,
Life really does suck doesn't it? I myself am deeply depressed and generally a broken person (yes that sounds emo lol) but coming here will make you happy, even if it is only for a brief moment. I am sorry you are not doing well in life (neither am I) but I hope things improve for you. Also, it is nice to meet you ButterflyTsunami! That is also a great name you got there! Who wouldn't love a tsunami of butterfly's right?
So yeah, it is nice to meet you.
Quote from: TicTac on April 23, 2018, 03:31:39 PM
I myself am deeply depressed and generally a broken person (yes that sounds emo lol) but coming here will make you happy, even if it is only for a brief moment.
Hmm "emo". I always related to that. I wear wigs but I really want long hair and I'd keep it dark brown the way it is. I know that's not "emo" technically but my hair might help me hide... I just don't want to face the world anymore. It's no one's fault (maybe mine). Anyhow, I do relate. I did just quit my job suddenly today, my only source of income and how I survive. But that may be for the "what made you happy today" thread. I just don't care anymore.
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Quote from: TicTac on April 23, 2018, 03:22:24 PM
Yeah, I used to be terrified of talking with others online, but it has gotten easier but not better. I come to Susan's because I am...lonely. There is a lot of nice people I have met here, and talking to them makes me feel happy, which is rare because I am usually deeply depressed.
I went to the therapy group this morning and there was probably about 9 people there. Of course, I did not speak at all and I pretty much stared at the table while listening to others speak. Right before i opened the exit door, someone stopped me and greeted me. I did not think anyone cared about my existence, so that was surprising. Another person also took the chance to say hi as well which was nice. They wanted me to show up at another group, but I awkwardly declined. I do not understand why they have even the slightest interest in me. Just because they are trans does not mean they have to like me and why would they?
Anyways, the experience was nice and I am glad I went. Who knows, maybe my dreams of having a friend will come true someday.
One meeting isn't enough to get to know the others and you should attend at least 3. The others are doing their best to welcome and help you. Much like the board, it's paying forward where you get help when you first join and after your comfortable, you do the same for the next person to join. You may not like everybody in the group, but you can still share and enjoy each others company.
Quote from: Allison S on April 23, 2018, 04:54:22 PM
Hmm "emo". I always related to that. I wear wigs but I really want long hair and I'd keep it dark brown the way it is. I know that's not "emo" technically but my hair might help me hide... I just don't want to face the world anymore. It's no one's fault (maybe mine). Anyhow, I do relate. I did just quit my job suddenly today, my only source of income and how I survive. But that may be for the "what made you happy today" thread. I just don't care anymore.
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You seem like such a nice person Allison :( I am sad that you are not doing well yourself. You totally deserve to be happy.
I just spent pretty much the entire day locked in my room and did nothing but zone out/space out. Basically, I was living in my mind and did not even move an inch, which I am regretting because my back hurts. Sometimes your world is better then the real one. Anyways, it was basically depression but I feel better now. So yeah, sometimes we need to fall in order to get back up and continue. Not sure if this is helping at all but maybe lol?
I am going to continue and try to make positive changes because feeling sorry for myself has done nothing but waste time. Of course I will probably fall in and out of depression but what is important is that you keep trying. So yeah, that is my plan I guess, and I hope this helps someway somehow.
I hope you will find happiness someday Allison!
Quote from: Dena on April 23, 2018, 08:03:19 PM
One meeting isn't enough to get to know the others and you should attend at least 3. The others are doing their best to welcome and help you. Much like the board, it's paying forward where you get help when you first join and after your comfortable, you do the same for the next person to join. You may not like everybody in the group, but you can still share and enjoy each others company.
I think everyone in the group was nice, but they were all pretty quite because the therapist asked questions know one had answers to. Anyways, I am planning on going back because I like the people and the fact that some of them want me to return helps. My head always tells me that nobody cares about you or what you have to say, so it is great to see those negative thoughts get debunked lol. Also, I can't believe I actually met other people in real life who are transgender! It is so crazy! Never thought that would happen.
I am trying to be friendly to new people who are here, but maybe I can try saying hi to new people on the site. There really is not much for me to talk about when it come to my transition, and I am not sure how to answer questions about it, which is why I am only active in the General/Entertainment area. Although I can try to contribute!
I think I'm being ghosted by a really good friend, and that's my biggest fear. I've lost so many people in my life that way. My best friend in high school told me that I "know what I did" and then cut off contact with me. For the life of me, I can't think of anything that I could have done to her that could possibly be taken the wrong way, so that's been eating at the back of my mind for years now. Other than her, I've also lost another close friend shortly after we slept together - I think that she must have had a bad time and didn't want to face me again. Those two hit the hardest, but they're not the only ones.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Every one of my closest friends has left me so suddenly and without explanation. I've come to expect it.
Blemish on my chest from shaving and tweezing [emoji26] even my mom noticed and mentioned it...
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Quote from: Allison S on April 24, 2018, 03:08:29 PM
Blemish on my chest from shaving and tweezing [emoji26] even my mom noticed and mentioned it...
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@Allison S ... I had a rash all over my chest and stomach a few times...... not fun, but it does go away eventually.
If I do hair removal more often it seems like I have less issues with that.
Danielle
Quote from: TicTac on April 24, 2018, 02:11:00 AM
Quote from: Dena on April 23, 2018, 08:03:19 PM
One meeting isn't enough to get to know the others and you should attend at least 3. The others are doing their best to welcome and help you. Much like the board, it's paying forward where you get help when you first join and after your comfortable, you do the same for the next person to join. You may not like everybody in the group, but you can still share and enjoy each others company.
I think everyone in the group was nice, but they were all pretty quite because the therapist asked questions know one had answers to. Anyways, I am planning on going back because I like the people and the fact that some of them want me to return helps. My head always tells me that nobody cares about you or what you have to say, so it is great to see those negative thoughts get debunked lol. Also, I can't believe I actually met other people in real life who are transgender! It is so crazy! Never thought that would happen.
I am trying to be friendly to new people who are here, but maybe I can try saying hi to new people on the site. There really is not much for me to talk about when it come to my transition, and I am not sure how to answer questions about it, which is why I am only active in the General/Entertainment area. Although I can try to contribute!
Well I read your posts and I think that you are a lovely and nice person.
Saying 'Hello' to new people is a very nice thing to do. They are nervous and don't know anyone so having a friendly Hello can mean a lot. You don't have to say much. Just Hello and welcome to the site you are with friendly people here. Or something like that.
Cindy
Quote from: 4A-GZE on April 24, 2018, 11:31:08 AM
I think I'm being ghosted by a really good friend, and that's my biggest fear. I've lost so many people in my life that way. My best friend in high school told me that I "know what I did" and then cut off contact with me. For the life of me, I can't think of anything that I could have done to her that could possibly be taken the wrong way, so that's been eating at the back of my mind for years now. Other than her, I've also lost another close friend shortly after we slept together - I think that she must have had a bad time and didn't want to face me again. Those two hit the hardest, but they're not the only ones.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Every one of my closest friends has left me so suddenly and without explanation. I've come to expect it.
Yeah that really sucks and I am sorry this keeps happening to you. If only mind reading was a legit thing we could do sigh. It drives me crazy as well. I wish people could just speak their mind instead of just disappearing because that hurts :( I mean, they may as well stab you while on their way out the door you know? I don't know what else to say honestly but I wish I did.
I have had this happen to me once with a close friend, which is hard for me to make do to social anxiety. Who knows what was up with him, but I still think about. I try to tell myself that people come and go but the stupid saying does not make me feel better, and in fact it makes me feel worse. I mean, what is the point of making friends if they are just going to leave someday?? What a lonely world we leave in.
Quote from: Cindy on April 24, 2018, 04:28:43 PM
I think everyone in the group was nice, but they were all pretty quite because the therapist asked questions know one had answers to. Anyways, I am planning on going back because I like the people and the fact that some of them want me to return helps. My head always tells me that nobody cares about you or what you have to say, so it is great to see those negative thoughts get debunked lol. Also, I can't believe I actually met other people in real life who are transgender! It is so crazy! Never thought that would happen.
I am trying to be friendly to new people who are here, but maybe I can try saying hi to new people on the site. There really is not much for me to talk about when it come to my transition, and I am not sure how to answer questions about it, which is why I am only active in the General/Entertainment area. Although I can try to contribute!
Well I read your posts and I think that you are a lovely and nice person.
Saying 'Hello' to new people is a very nice thing to do. They are nervous and don't know anyone so having a friendly Hello can mean a lot. You don't have to say much. Just Hello and welcome to the site you are with friendly people here. Or something like that.
Cindy
I always figured users skipped over my comments, well at least sometimes. It is nice to know they are being read though! This is why I always try to reply to every comment directed toward me, because I know the feeling of being ignored and it sucks.
I will definitively try my best to greet others when I can.
The more friendly greetings the better ;D
Quote from: V M on April 24, 2018, 05:03:24 PM
The more friendly greetings the better ;D
Yeah totally!
Well my work hired new staff I love new staff the problem is one staff the hired was a old coworker that I had a fling with so now I have to put up with another bitter female. I knew my past would catch up with me.
Quote from: TicTac on April 24, 2018, 04:47:02 PM
I always figured users skipped over my comments, well at least sometimes. It is nice to know they are being read though! This is why I always try to reply to every comment directed toward me, because I know the feeling of being ignored and it sucks.
I will definitively try my best to greet others when I can.
I attempt to read everybody's comment however I don't normally post unless I have something useful to contribute. If others have already said what I would say, I don't want to just post a me to. The odds are that I have reviewed pretty much everything you have posted including what you posted in the entertainment section.
Quote from: Dena on April 24, 2018, 11:04:30 PM
I attempt to read everybody's comment however I don't normally post unless I have something useful to contribute. If others have already said what I would say, I don't want to just post a me to. The odds are that I have reviewed pretty much everything you have posted including what you posted in the entertainment section.
Oh wow, I did not know that the mods reviewed ALL of the comments. Sometimes I read my past posts and cringe at them and hope nobody saw...I guess that is not the case lol :icon_cry2:
Yeah, 99% of the time I feel like I have nothing to contribute either due to good reply's, which is why I stick to posting stuff about music instead. Who know, maybe someone will find my strange taste in music interesting lol.
Yep your taste in music is different to mine!
I don't read every post.
Most though. :laugh:
Quote from: Cindy on April 25, 2018, 12:38:26 AM
Yep your taste in music is different to mine!
I don't read every post.
Most though. :laugh:
You should share some of your taste in music in one of the music threads! Although the one in the Fun and Games section seems to be the active one for some reason.
A couple days ago, I smashed my finger at work while loading a bed frame into a truck. I cracked the nail and burst a bunch of tiny blood vessels. It's pretty painful, but luckily it's healing fast. Still, it sucks not being able to use my right hand fully.
Sigh...depression is hitting hard again.
I was writing my farewell letter to my daughter last week and couldn't finish it, I'm hoping to finish it soon. I was planning on writing as many pages as possible and making a few videos for her to watch one day as well. As for family and friends, just a one page will was more than enough I guess, lol.
Geez...this would be so much easier if I wasn't a parent.
Hit my thumb joint with a hammer trying to chisel a bolt off an under tray , a bit sore still. Ended up breaking it off and now its skip fodder!!
The girl at work that I was seeing before transition broke me down at work made me cry to the point I had to go home. Last time I felt this way was when I was 14 and my dad said the same thing. I love her so much and I am sorry I hurt her before I just can't take this. I just want to be happy and leave my past behind me. :icon_ashamed: :icon_cry2:
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on April 26, 2018, 07:37:59 PM
The girl at work that I was seeing before transition broke me down at work made me cry to the point I had to go home. Last time I felt this way was when I was 14 and my dad said the same thing. I love her so much and I am sorry I hurt her before I just can't take this. I just want to be happy and leave my past behind me. :icon_ashamed: :icon_cry2:
[emoji22]
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Sorry to interject here on the cars convo but I've had an awful day.. [emoji17] my meds haven't been delivered and the pharmacy told me on Wednesday they would be here yesterday, Thursday. I called again today and they said they should be here by 6pm and now it's almost 7pm... this is really discouraging for me
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Quote from: Allison S on April 27, 2018, 05:53:30 PM
Sorry to interject here on the cars convo but I've had an awful day.. [emoji17] my meds haven't been delivered and the pharmacy told me on Wednesday they would be here yesterday, Thursday. I called again today and they said they should be here by 6pm and now it's almost 7pm... this is really discouraging for me
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I know it really suck but a few hours or even I day will not hurt I have done it to I know it is depressing though I am like that to. I hope they come soon hope it is just traffic that held them up
Quote from: davina61 on April 26, 2018, 03:06:17 PM
Hit my thumb joint with a hammer trying to chisel a bolt off an under tray , a bit sore still. Ended up breaking it off and now its skip fodder!!
Your thumb?!?
Well, it's official. I've never hated anyone as much as I hate the guy who taught my Database class this semester. I've mentioned in my thread about how I've been really on the edge in this course, and the guy is just unpredictable, and strict over the stupidest things. While at the same time not giving good directions on what he's looking for. So this group project I had was massive, absolutely massive. I spent more time on it than the rest of my courses combined, not even including the normal course work. I was killing myself on this thing. So got my grade back today. 90. Okay, not... bad. I felt it should have been way higher, but given this guy, probably about the best I could hope for. Against my better judgment, I go to see where the points were lost. I'm going down the list and everything in the rubric is marked off as perfect. I'm getting really confused, but then I get down to the bottom. Apparently we left two tiny things(like honest to god, minuscule) out of PowerPoint presentation (which was completely redundant and served no purpose to begin with, the database and documentation speaks for itself). The Database itself is perfect apparently, but had a full 10% off. Because of those two tiny, tiny things left out of the PowerPoint...
I am just... I am just beyond floored.
Been really bored, frustrated and depressed with pretty much every aspect of my life - I often go to bed with the hope that I'll never wake up again, but I do
Quote from: V M on May 03, 2018, 03:25:21 PM
Been really bored, frustrated and depressed with pretty much every aspect of my life - I often go to bed with the hope that I'll never wake up again, but I do
Me too
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Quote from: V M on May 03, 2018, 03:25:21 PM
Been really bored, frustrated and depressed with pretty much every aspect of my life - I often go to bed with the hope that I'll never wake up again, but I do
I am sorry you feel that way but there are alot of people that love and care about you and you still have things to accomplish here. It is not your time. if you ever want to talk feel free to pm me and we can talk. I know life is hard and frustrating at times but every one makes a difference in someones life and you being here is helping others and that is just on this site. You help thousands of people a day and you really don't know it. If you help one person and they help one and they help one and so on because of you thousands of people were helped.
Quote from: Allison S on May 03, 2018, 04:01:23 PM
Me too
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And that goes for you too Miss Allison
Knowing that I have to call the IRS today to verify my identity. I just want my tax refund.
Finding out I can't reregister my car because of a ticket I had forgotten about
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
I made a friend on Susan's Place but I can't add her to my buddies list because it always takes me to an error page :( I tried different computers and everything! Ugh! Anyone else have this issue or just me??
Knowing that I have to go into the IRS office to verify my identity. :/
I found a roach in my kitchen this morning, crawling all over my spoons. So now I can't have cereal for breakfast.
I don't know. Since I started cutting my spiro in half, I've been crying a lot more and a lot easier.
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Quote from: Allison S on May 05, 2018, 08:09:57 AM
I don't know. Since I started cutting my spiro in half, I've been crying a lot more and a lot easier.
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That's interesting and sad at the same time. I'm curious why that is happening.
Is this reduction ordered by your doctor? If not, maybe talk to them about it.
Hope things even out for you.
Hugs, Jess
Quote from: Jessica on May 05, 2018, 08:17:32 AM
That's interesting and sad at the same time. I'm curious why that is happening.
Is this reduction ordered by your doctor? If not, maybe talk to them about it.
Hope things even out for you.
Hugs, Jess
Thanks, Jessica. No, I just feel like I'm taking too many meds. My T is very low already so I figured it's not a big deal... I'll mention this at my next visit.
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Quote from: Allison S on May 05, 2018, 08:25:37 AM
Thanks, Jessica. No, I just feel like I'm taking too many meds. My T is very low already so I figured it's not a big deal... I'll mention this at my next visit.
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Please, please, please put your meds back where they were at least until you talk to your doctor. What we have to do to our bodies to be who we really are is a complex balancing act. A few weeks ago I accidentally took an extra dose of estradiol and felt really sick.
I work with disabled people and very often they'll stop their meds because they feel better then get worse all over again. Our meds aren't like aspirin where the headache goes away and we don't need them anymore. They're like insulin, something we have to take forever because of a problem in our bodies that can be adjusted but not fixed.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on May 05, 2018, 09:38:14 AM
Please, please, please put your meds back where they were at least until you talk to your doctor. What we have to do to our bodies to be who we really are is a complex balancing act. A few weeks ago I accidentally took an extra dose of estradiol and felt really sick.
I work with disabled people and very often they'll stop their meds because they feel better then get worse all over again. Our meds aren't like aspirin where the headache goes away and we don't need them anymore. They're like insulin, something we have to take forever because of a problem in our bodies that can be adjusted but not fixed.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Thanks for your concern. I only cut 1 pill in half and I take 3... that's for spiro alone. I asked him to increase my dose, he obliged. My last doctor cautioned against increasing spiro in the first place, but I didn't listen to her and switched to this endo who basically okays everything I ask.
I honestly think the estrodial is having more of an effect.
I was tired of waking up at 3am just to take my estrodial tablet so I decided to take it at bed time instead. This is probably a factor too.
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Quote from: Allison S on May 05, 2018, 12:21:48 PM
Thanks for your concern. I only cut 1 pill in half and I take 3... that's for spiro alone. I asked him to increase my dose, he obliged. My last doctor cautioned against increasing spiro in the first place, but I didn't listen to her and switched to this endo who basically okays everything I ask.
I honestly think the estrodial is having more of an effect.
I was tired of waking up at 3am just to take my estrodial tablet so I decided to take it at bed time instead. This is probably a factor too.
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I can understand that. I wouldn't want to get up at 3:00 to take it either. I take it twice a day 12 hours apart although between my age and the spirolactone I'm awake for a few minutes at 3:00 am anyway. I also take it for my BP and my primary said he won't let me off it even if I have an orchie. :-(
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Went to my useless transgender group therapy or whatever and sat there bored out of my mind. Went there hoping to make friends but I am always ignored. May as well be invisible. People tell me I am unapproachable but I am not sure why. Oh well, I can't make people like me I suppose.
Rant over.
Quote from: TicTac on May 07, 2018, 06:19:40 PM
Went to my useless transgender group therapy or whatever and sat there bored out of my mind. Went there hoping to make friends but I am always ignored. May as well be invisible. People tell me I am unapproachable but I am not sure why. Oh well, I can't make people like me I suppose.
Rant over.
Discuss this with your therapist. After my therapy group sessions, people would hang around after the meeting and chat about just about anything. After they closed the building, we would move into the parking lot and sometimes talk well after midnight. This was pretty rough sometimes because the meetings where held on Tuesday and the following day was always a work day but the company was well worth the discomfort the next day. The only way to make friends is to meet them half way and sadly that is a skill many of us need work on. Hiding away in our shell as we do for so many years is not the way to make friends.
Quote from: TicTac on May 07, 2018, 06:19:40 PM
Went to my useless transgender group therapy or whatever and sat there bored out of my mind. Went there hoping to make friends but I am always ignored. May as well be invisible. People tell me I am unapproachable but I am not sure why. Oh well, I can't make people like me I suppose.
Rant over.
I will say this on their behalf, and it's definitely not my place to but, you were welcomed there. Yes, it might have been boring but not everywhere we go we'll be welcomed. And I don't mean because we're trans, but as people with a lot of imperfections. I know you will make friends, it's just a matter of going in and telling yourself that you will. Someone may need you as their friend.
By the way, who said you're unapproachable?
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I spent the last three business days trying to put my car back on the road. This morning I put the new license plates on it and took it out to make sure it was ok after the three months of inactivity. Went about a mile. It's not. It died in a left turn lane of a major intersection. I've never heard noises like that out of an engine compartment.
So there I sat, calling AAA with people pulling up behind me and honking like their horn is going to scare my car into starting. A soldier came over and tried to help by pushing my car to the shoulder. We couldn't get it into neutral. Then a deputy sheriff showed up to direct traffic around me. They honked at him to get out of the way, too!
The tow truck driver showed up and we got my car home. Turns out I know him. We had a nice conversation. Everyone (except the other drivers) was so nice and helpful. It is so nice to be a woman when you run into trouble. Chivalry is not dead!
So, dead engine, dead transmission, both?
I still owe money on that car!
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
The fluids are probably pretty much all bad in your car. I'm not sure which ones are most vital to replace, but after sitting for that long, it's going to need a nice tune-up regardless.
Quote from: Allison S on May 07, 2018, 07:04:45 PM
I will say this on their behalf, and it's definitely not my place to but, you were welcomed there. Yes, it might have been boring but not everywhere we go we'll be welcomed. And I don't mean because we're trans, but as people with a lot of imperfections. I know you will make friends, it's just a matter of going in and telling yourself that you will. Someone may need you as their friend.
By the way, who said you're unapproachable?
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My mom told me I was unapproachable, and she is right I think. When ever I go out with her people will completely ignore me and only talk to her. I guess it is the goth look or something. Thank you for the advice but honestly I just can't see myself being friends with any of them. There is no connection I guess? I don't know.
Quote from: Dena on May 07, 2018, 06:40:25 PM
Discuss this with your therapist. After my therapy group sessions, people would hang around after the meeting and chat about just about anything. After they closed the building, we would move into the parking lot and sometimes talk well after midnight. This was pretty rough sometimes because the meetings where held on Tuesday and the following day was always a work day but the company was well worth the discomfort the next day. The only way to make friends is to meet them half way and sadly that is a skill many of us need work on. Hiding away in our shell as we do for so many years is not the way to make friends.
My social anxiety made one heck of an impenetrable shell lol. Literally having a very hard time getting out of it. I can not speak at all when I am at the group and my therapist basically talks for me. Besides, I have recently come to the conclusion that there is no connection that could be made with anyone there. As far as friends go they are just not my type I guess? I don't know. Thanks for the advice though.
There is one person there who always stares at me though. I don't understand why but whatever lol
Quote from: TicTac on May 08, 2018, 09:43:59 PM
My mom told me I was unapproachable, and she is right I think. When ever I go out with her people will completely ignore me and only talk to her. I guess it is the goth look or something. Thank you for the advice but honestly I just can't see myself being friends with any of them. There is no connection I guess? I don't know.
I'm a goth too, and people talk to me all the time.
Maybe its because I tend to smile a lot. But every now and then I smile because I'm actually thinking "you're an idiot." Not always, but if you ARE one.... ;)
Ryuichi
Quote from: 4A-GZE on May 08, 2018, 06:10:54 PM
The fluids are probably pretty much all bad in your car. I'm not sure which ones are most vital to replace, but after sitting for that long, it's going to need a nice tune-up regardless.
I'm aware. I was on my way to pick up just those kinds of things. I'm afraid it might be more serious than that and, in my current situation not having my own car is emotionally and economically devestating.
My marriage only exists because we can't afford to formalize a divorce. Otherwise we get along very well. However, any discrepancy between what I bring into the household and what she brings in feels like charity. Also, with no personal transportation I feel trapped. I had planned to do some camping to ease stress but I can hardly disappear with her car for days at a time.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Getting really irritated trying to get the button downs I need to wear after getting transplants. Everything, EVERYTHING, I've ordered or bought had to be returned. First it's almost impossible to get what I'm looking for in stores. So of course online is the way. Lots of good ones on Amazon. But turns out they are all Chinese sizes and don't say. (Doubling them as outerwear for later so went a size up even, and then still barely fits my 5'3 100 pound step mother.)
Quote from: Ryuichi13 on May 09, 2018, 04:39:55 AM
I'm a goth too, and people talk to me all the time.
Maybe its because I tend to smile a lot. But every now and then I smile because I'm actually thinking "you're an idiot." Not always, but if you ARE one.... ;)
Ryuichi
Oh, people talk to you? I suppose it is a me thing then :(
You are not an idiot or is that like a joke?? Honestly I can't tell but the wink face tells me yes. Maybe I am the idiot :laugh: Oh hey, that actually made me smile. I guess this does work :)
I am here to complain about life problems again...sigh :laugh:
Soooo I went mothers day shopping but there was one wrong problem...I am afraid of people. Anyways, I had to purchase the item but I was too afraid to do it, so I had my sister who is 12 :laugh: buy the item for me because I could not do it. 23 years old and I could not buy something on my own..ugh. That made me a sad panda or something A good friend once told me that all you need is 10 seconds of courage, but I forgot about the advice in the moment. Darn, this was the perfect opportunity to use that.
Anyways, that and something else was what made me sad today, although the other thing is effecting me a lot more but I feel weird talking about it.
I mistakenly deleted all of the video footage for one of my projects that is part of my finals. >.>
I am trying to see if I can recover them but if not then that project will have to be scrapped as I don't have the time to re-shoot it. And it was my favorite one of the series with the most time put into it...
Sirred at Walmart.
Quote from: Devlyn on May 11, 2018, 04:53:10 PM
Sirred at Walmart.
What the heck? did they even LOOK?
Quote from: TicTac on May 10, 2018, 10:38:12 PM
Oh, people talk to you? I suppose it is a me thing then :(
You are not an idiot or is that like a joke?? Honestly I can't tell but the wink face tells me yes. Maybe I am the idiot :laugh: Oh hey, that actually made me smile. I guess this does work :)
I think you misunderstood me. I meant 'sometimes when I smile at someone, I'm thinking
they're the idiot," especially if they misgender me. Sometimes, its better to smile at someone than to tell them what you're
really thinking.
Quote from: Devlyn on May 11, 2018, 04:53:10 PM
Sirred at Walmart.
And I agree with Laurie. Did they let you pet their seeing eye dog, because obviously they're
blind! >:(
Ryuichi
Actually yesterday. I believe I've upset a friend.
I think my current relationship is going to fail, but it's stressful. She has a lot of mental/emotional issues and won't be able to take it well at all. I'm just not happy, though. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her.
Minding my own business gone for a ride before work & sat down by the beach when some neanderthal with no balls sends his inbred brat to tell me in a loud voice "Hope you fall off your bike & die faggot" while filming it on a phone.
I'm so sorry, Kim! What a horrible person,what a horrible parent!
I had my car looked at yesterday the engine is shot and it would cost more to replace than the car is worth.
Our lease wasn't renewed and we have to move. Now I feel trapped with no transportation and because of that I have no choice but to sign another lease with Randi.
Randi's moved on but I can't even if I felt ready. She's making big vacation plans from which I've been purposely excluded. She makes it obvious that we're just two friends sharing a place and that makes me.feel guilty because she pays more than her share of expenses.
I don't have the guts to kill myself so I guess I just have to endure.
And now I feel guilty for dumping this on all of you.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Can you get a replacement engine from a scrap car?It will get you mobile again for a lot less than a rebuild or new car
Quote from: big kim on May 15, 2018, 07:19:38 AM
Can you get a replacement engine from a scrap car?It will get you mobile again for a lot less than a rebuild or new car
Depending on the car, this is a decent idea.
Another option is to search "runs and drives" on Craigslist. Any car with that description is going to be beat up and ugly, but it will still work. Should last at least a couple months, and you can probably sell your old car to cover the cost.
In any case, I hope things turn around for you!
Can't get a junk engine for it. If I sold it that might pay part of the remaining car loan and I'd still owe the rest. A junk car, with my obligations, wouldn't work. I drive hundreds of miles every week and for many of my clients, the ones who require mandatory supervision, I legally can't miss a session for any reason short of hospitalization.
So, I'm forced to stay with Randi and use her car.
Sorry, I sound like I'm being obstructive, but I did explore these options. I may get a junker, but I won't be able to use it for work. Maybe it's time for me to buy another motorcycle and set out on an adventure. After giving work the mandatory one month notice.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: Devlyn on May 11, 2018, 04:53:10 PM
Sirred at Walmart.
Tonight at the bank:
Me: I'd like to deposit this.
Teller: Swipe your card please......are you Devlyn?
Me: Yes.
Teller: Anything else, sir?
:icon_no: :(
Got my oven fixed two days ago, so I picked up a frozen lasagna today. Turns out the oven is still broken. So now I don't have anything for dinner except cereal.
Feeling the effects of gov't cutbacks and trying to figure out how to make it through each month :-\
Sniffles, a bit under the weather...
I don't know but I'm incredibly stressed and cranky. I had a lot of errands to run but nothing went especially wrong.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Neighbor's little yippy dogs losin' the minds in the backyard at 5:30am and waking me up from a good dream this morning >:(
Feeling uncomfortable because I feel like guys keep staring
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Painfully learning firsthand why I've avoided online dating like the plague it is my whole life.
(On the bright side, I kept humorous screencaps of *pathetic* examples of pickup attempts..)
Doesn't help with my feeling isolated, alone, and disgusting though.
*edit* I just received my first ever unsolicited penis pic..
I feel unclean.
*edit* another 'gentleman' asked me to dominate him and offered money to keep quiet as to protect his reputation as an 'alpha male..'
Quote from: Angela Drakken on May 19, 2018, 10:58:31 PM
Painfully learning firsthand why I've avoided online dating like the plague it is my whole life.
(On the bright side, I kept humorous screencaps of *pathetic* examples of pickup attempts..)
Doesn't help with my feeling isolated, alone, and disgusting though.
*edit* I just received my first ever unsolicited penis pic..
I feel unclean.
*edit* another 'gentleman' asked me to dominate him and offered money to keep quiet as to protect his reputation as an 'alpha male..'
Oh god those sound awful. I tried online dating for about a 6 months a few years ago and didn't get any responses other than the spammers and one friend of mine (purely platonic). It was a really wearing me down so I stopped. I hope your luck picks up :)
I have to admit though looking up snappy comebacks to dick pics is a little guilty pleasure of mine.
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Quote from: MollyPants on May 20, 2018, 02:31:46 AM
Oh god those sound awful. I tried online dating for about a 6 months a few years ago and didn't get any responses other than the spammers and one friend of mine (purely platonic). It was a really wearing me down so I stopped. I hope your luck picks up :)
I have to admit though looking up snappy comebacks to dick pics is a little guilty pleasure of mine.
Plenty of fish decided to ban me for cursing out a guy who called me 'boy george.'
I'm unable to re register at all. I'm actually kind've upset about this because I FINALLY started talking to a few decent guys and it MIGHT ahve gone somewhere.. Nope.
PoF hates trans people. But its totally okay with sexual harassment, propositioning women into prostitution, and sending unwanted lewd photographs..
#foreveraloneangela
Just got out of hospital. Gotta go back in for possibly serious, maybe life-threatening surgery.
Woo. And... may I add.. hoo.
*sigh*
I thought I was done with all this ****
Quote from: Sephirah on May 21, 2018, 03:41:16 PM
Just got out of hospital. Gotta go back in for possibly serious, maybe life-threatening surgery.
Woo. And... may I add.. hoo.
*sigh*
I thought I was done with all this ****
You'll be in my thoughts Seph. Hope all goes well and keep us updated
*Super Monster Hugs*
Quote from: Sephirah on May 21, 2018, 03:41:16 PM
Just got out of hospital. Gotta go back in for possibly serious, maybe life-threatening surgery.
Woo. And... may I add.. hoo.
*sigh*
I thought I was done with all this ****
Hope everything goes well and turns out ok
*hugs*
Quote from: Sephirah on May 21, 2018, 03:41:16 PM
Just got out of hospital. Gotta go back in for possibly serious, maybe life-threatening surgery.
Woo. And... may I add.. hoo.
*sigh*
I thought I was done with all this ****
Hi Sephirah,
You should know by now that hospitals usually do not bode well for those forced to visit them. Just look at me, I went to one once with a tummy pain and nausea/vomiting. They kept me there a couple day after removing my appendix. They also told me I had to come back because I had cancer. Like a fool I went back and what did they do? They took out a kidney. (I think they were selling parts on ebay to pay my bill. Anyway I had to go back again for tummy pain again. ( I thought they fixed me) Nope this time they had to do a hernia repair that got aggravated by the first two operations. then it was Diabetes I never had before. Blood sugar sky high at 477. Then.... well you get the idea. They keep you coming back.
Anyway Sephirah, I just want your to know you are in my heart and my thoughts. Please get well.
Love & Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Sephirah on May 21, 2018, 03:41:16 PM
Just got out of hospital. Gotta go back in for possibly serious, maybe life-threatening surgery.
Woo. And... may I add.. hoo.
*sigh*
I thought I was done with all this ****
My heart go out to you Sephirah. Get yourself healthy and I hope that all goes well.
Hugs, Jess
My wife, yesterday, decided to say, "because you're male." I said that I'm not male, then she insisted on saying that I was. She continually calls me he/him, regardless of the fact that I've said that it hurts me. I'm beginning to hate her even more.
Sephirah - you have such a strong soul, absolutely best wishes for your procedure and recovery. I am there for you and wish I could be there in person right now.
Siobhán, I'm sorry your wife just doesn't understand. <big hug>
Thinking of you Sephirah.
Love
Cindy
I was a fool to think that just because I finally had emotions, that I could ever understand them.
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Yesterday, really: I had to clean up an overflowing dumpster at work. I got covered in garbage juice and had roaches running up my arms. It took like 3 hours because the bags kept ripping open.
Worst part is it was all illegal dumping. So the only reason I had to do it was because of people being idiots.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on May 24, 2018, 07:22:55 AM
Yesterday, really: I had to clean up an overflowing dumpster at work. I got covered in garbage juice and had roaches running up my arms. It took like 3 hours because the bags kept ripping open.
Worst part is it was all illegal dumping. So the only reason I had to do it was because of people being idiots.
:'(
I had been progressing step-by-step since the beginning, but I think today was the first time I took a step backwards.
I was in a department store in my dress, without makeup, and I nearly had a panic attack. Nothing happened, but I quickly retreated to my car to get my mask for security, and a cardigan because of my shoulders(also for security)
Sleep issues, stupid suicidal ideation gnawing at my brains again and some other somewhat related stuff
Quote from: V M on May 26, 2018, 04:04:34 PM
Sleep issues, stupid suicidal ideation gnawing at my brains again and some other somewhat related stuff
*extra big hug*
You're worth more than that, Virginia. As bad as it gets, you're not alone. Never forget that.
I'm here if you want to talk, vent, cry, anything else. :)
Quote from: Sephirah on May 26, 2018, 06:06:22 PM
*extra big hug*
You're worth more than that, Virginia. As bad as it gets, you're not alone. Never forget that.
I'm here if you want to talk, vent, cry, anything else. :)
Yes, definitely!
And Sephira I am sooo glad to see your post here - I hope that means you are recovering well from unexpectedly having to check back into the hospital.
Quote from: Kendra on May 27, 2018, 04:49:22 AM
Yes, definitely!
And Sephira I am sooo glad to see your post here - I hope that means you are recovering well from unexpectedly having to check back into the hospital.
I am, sweetie. Thank you. Still very sore, and very tired. But I'm still here, so that's something. :)
*big hugs*
Knowing that I can't support this forum when it's in need. I tend to abstain from using it when support is lacking. :(
I've been feeling like a terrible person all morning.
My cat is clearly severely diabetic (I assumed it was just him getting old at first, but other signs now show it is diabetes 100%), but I don't have the money to take him to the vet, much less buy insulin for the rest of his life. Or rather, the money I have is earmarked for transition costs and food reserves that needs to last the next two years. (Still haven't sold my complete game collection so don't have that cash either.)
I don't know what to do. He's around 17-18 (a little unclear if I got him pre 9/11 or just post), so he's been with me a long time. He used to be the cat that would sit with my mom all day keeping her company (and when she was getting sicker with the cancer, he would freak out and hate not being allowed to sleep with her because he would try to climb on top of her all night). Honestly, he might be the closest remaining connection I have with my mom.
Logically I feel like I should do nothing and let him just sort of live out the rest of his life as is, he's not in pain or anything (at least not yet), he seems perfectly happy just pees a ton and is really skinny after being super fat his whole life. Emotionally, I want to do everything in my power to help him live a longer (quality) life. I just... I don't know what to do. Certainly I know what I would do if money were no object, but then if money were no object I wouldn't be feeling the way I am to begin with. So the question I'm struggling with ultimately comes down to, do I spend potentially thousands of dollars prolonging his life (again, quality life not like him walking around sick and in pain) and set my transition back possibly years (odds are it will be out of my hair removal funds), or do I just sort of... let things be? And if I do, am I betraying him, and my own morality for doing so?
Ellie you are not terrible at all! The words you just wrote show incredible compassion for a living animal, your pet and companion. Your cat very likely would not have already lived such a long and comfortable life without the care and home you have provided. The connection to your mom makes this even more emotionally difficult, but you have memories and experiences nobody can ever take away from you.
You do need to take care of yourself. If your cat can live comfortably with a sad terminal condition, you have already done the best thing possible. Medical intervention may help but is second-best to what you have already done - by providing love.
I've gotten about 6 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours, so now I have a sore throat and can't use my voice very well.
If it's me again, then that's a good thing! lol <3 you all
Well, what made me unhappy is my wife told me a dream she had this morning, and basically compared transwomen to the guy from Silence of the Lambs...
I'm trying to cut all the dead weight from my life, but in the case for today that also means my best friend (her step-brother is dead weight and very toxic) but im hoping it'll only be temporary but for now I wont be able to stay in contact. On a slim but happier note I intend to go to the psychiatrist or 'mental health' doctor at the va on thursday as a walk in so ^^;
Quote from: Amaki on June 05, 2018, 11:22:54 PM
I'm trying to cut all the dead weight from my life, but in the case for today that also means my best friend (her step-brother is dead weight and very toxic) but im hoping it'll only be temporary but for now I wont be able to stay in contact. On a slim but happier note I intend to go to the psychiatrist or 'mental health' doctor at the va on thursday as a walk in so ^^;
Good and unfortunate news. I do hope you feel better soon. Also, if my eyes don't deceive me, I believe your avatar is reminiscent of the character Ed from Cowboy Bebop. I do so love her with all my heart. Best character out of the series, besides Ein. :3
It's my birthday and my mom and one of my sisters (I have 4 in total) are coming to take me out to lunch. But I feel sick to my stomach. My mom keeps telling me I'll regret what I'm doing (being on hrt essentially). I just want to be accepted and I'm thinking I shouldn't have agreed to let them come. I can't take another lecture I really think it'll drive me to the edge now...
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Quote from: Allison S on June 08, 2018, 10:56:08 AM
It's my birthday and my mom and one of my sisters (I have 4 in total) are coming to take me out to lunch. But I feel sick to my stomach. My mom keeps telling me I'll regret what I'm doing (being on hrt essentially). I just want to be accepted and I'm thinking I shouldn't have agreed to let them come. I can't take another lecture I really think it'll drive me to the edge now...
It can be difficult to tell moms to STFU, but sometimes they need to hear it. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Allison S on June 08, 2018, 10:56:08 AM
It's my birthday and my mom and one of my sisters (I have 4 in total) are coming to take me out to lunch. But I feel sick to my stomach. My mom keeps telling me I'll regret what I'm doing (being on hrt essentially). I just want to be accepted and I'm thinking I shouldn't have agreed to let them come. I can't take another lecture I really think it'll drive me to the edge now...
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
@Allison S Dear Allison: I have been pondering your good news/bad news reply here and first and foremost about the good news, be happy and thankful that your immediate family members want to help you celebrate your birthday... by the way...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you !!! :icon_birthday: :icon_clap: :icon_dance: ...
Now, about your reported bad news and feelings of distress regarding your mother. I really think that parents, perhaps especially mothers, can have the most difficult time accepting that the son that they birthed is now becoming a woman. I think that we need to understand that her reservations and concerns about your transition are rooted in the love for you as her child, then of course there may be other issues that are on her mind like her predetermined social constraints..... my final thought, she is your mother, she always will be your mother, you need to continue loving her unconditionally as she does you. Continue to respect and to love her and to be there for her as she gets older.
.....I speak from experience as you may have read on my thread and other comments that I have made elsewhere... my mom and dad, still, after 4 years after I announced my transitioning, hardly talk to me, still don't accept my transition, and it was only 6 months ago during my Christmas time phone call to my family that she ended the call by calling me Danielle... that was the very first time that anyone in my family or my old long term friends I ever heard any of them call me by my female name. The hurt is there, I know about that kind of hurt, but my advice about how we should deal with our parents is still valid.
Hang in there girl, and have a nice birthday celebration...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Devlyn on June 08, 2018, 11:11:02 AM
It can be difficult to tell moms to STFU, but sometimes they need to hear it. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Lol [emoji23]
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 08, 2018, 11:32:58 AM
@Allison S
Dear Allison: I have been pondering your good news/bad news reply here and first and foremost about the good news, be happy and thankful that your immediate family members want to help you celebrate your birthday... by the way...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you !!! :icon_birthday: :icon_clap: :icon_dance: ...
Now, about your reported bad news and feelings of distress regarding your mother. I really think that parents, perhaps especially mothers, can have the most difficult time accepting that the son that they birthed is now becoming a woman. I think that we need to understand that her reservations and concerns about your transition are rooted in the love for you as her child, then of course there may be other issues that are on her mind like her predetermined social constraints..... my final thought, she is your mother, she always will be your mother, you need to continue loving her unconditionally as she does you. Continue to respect and to love her and to be there for her as she gets older.
.....I speak from experience as you may have read on my thread and other comments that I have made elsewhere... my mom and dad, still, after 4 years after I announced my transitioning, hardly talk to me, still don't accept my transition, and it was only 6 months ago during my Christmas time phone call to my family that she ended the call by calling me Danielle... that was the very first time that anyone in my family or my old long term friends I ever heard any of them call me by my female name. The hurt is there, I know about that kind of hurt, but my advice about how we should deal with our parents is still valid.
Hang in there girl, and have a nice birthday celebration...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
It was fine. Thanks, Danielle
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So for Tonya's "first" birthday, this is the card I got from dad.
He also addressed it to my full former name.
I had told him when the court date for my name change was (March 21) so he knew.
The last time I can remember him writing or calling me anything other than TJ was when he had to write out his children's names on the divorce papers he served my mom 40 years ago. He spelled the middle name wrong then also.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180611/696e7d6de09e50720ad8888c0623b0b7.jpg)
Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
Wow, Tonya...I'm so sorry!
That's an absolutely horrible thing for him to do!
Quote from: TonyaW on June 11, 2018, 07:15:57 AM
So for Tonya's "first" birthday, this is the card I got from dad.
He also addressed it to my full former name.
I had told him when the court date for my name change was (March 21) so he knew.
The last time I can remember him writing or calling me anything other than TJ was when he had to write out his children's names on the divorce papers he served my mom 40 years ago. He spelled the middle name wrong then also.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180611/696e7d6de09e50720ad8888c0623b0b7.jpg)
This just makes me sad. But as of March 21st
you are Tonya.
Nothing he does will change that.
Stephanie
Quote from: TonyaW on June 11, 2018, 07:15:57 AM
So for Tonya's "first" birthday, this is the card I got from dad.
He also addressed it to my full former name.
I had told him when the court date for my name change was (March 21) so he knew.
The last time I can remember him writing or calling me anything other than TJ was when he had to write out his children's names on the divorce papers he served my mom 40 years ago. He spelled the middle name wrong then also.
>
Tonya I am sorry to hear this happened. <big hug>.
If I received an envelope addressed this way in this situation, might mark it "Return to sender" and mail it back.
Thanks for the kind words everyone.
I did get a nice card from my mom though, which more than made up for it.
Quote from: Eryn T on June 11, 2018, 08:11:15 AM
Wow, Tonya...I'm so sorry!
That's an absolutely horrible thing for him to do!
Wasn't out of the realm of things I thought he might do, but he didn't at Christmas so it was disappointing at the least.
Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 11, 2018, 08:22:48 AM
This just makes me sad. But as of March 21st you are Tonya.
Nothing he does will change that.
Stephanie
I think I'll offer to send him a copy of the name change order in case he didn't understand what the court date I told him about was for. I know he did, though.
Quote from: Kendra on June 11, 2018, 09:24:23 AM
Tonya I am sorry to hear this happened. <big hug>.
If I received an envelope addressed this way in this situation, might mark it "Return to sender" and mail it back.
Kendra,
I did consider that for at least a hour before I decided I had to open it and see what other insult I might find. I will try to use my Fathers Day note for a teaching moment, which will definitely include letting him know anything else addressed that way will be returned unopened.
Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
Quote from: TonyaW on June 11, 2018, 06:22:27 PM
...I think I'll offer to send him a copy of the name change order in case he didn't understand what the court date I told him about was for. I know he did, though.
Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
Instead of a Father's Day card send him a baby announcement,, "It's a Girl!" and put the copy in that.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Gnarly migraine headache :P Think I'll go lay down awhile
I had an exam yesterday which was quite stressful. My partner also mentioned she really wants to go on holiday to the Carribbean which I feel is a bit off limits for me as I don't think I'd feel safe there.
Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk
didn't get much sleep
got caught by my mother in women's undergarments (bra/panty). huge argument ensued.......at 4 am...before heading off to work. was the usual 'kick you out of the house' threats, etc etc
people at work overreacting to my tight long sleeves accentuating my bra/breasts (3 months HRT)
stormy weather is always gloomy for me when i'm not home so it pretty much exacerbated everything
nobody to turn to for support/guidance
the usual overreacting/aversion reactions from people in public
i think it's the first two that really did it for me. the rest are actually my daily happenings and i don't mind them whatsoever but this time it just got to me
Quote from: IamJoannaAndJohn on June 12, 2018, 07:41:15 AM
didn't get much sleep
got caught by my mother in women's undergarments (bra/panty). huge argument ensued.......at 4 am...before heading off to work. was the usual 'kick you out of the house' threats, etc etc
people at work overreacting to my tight long sleeves accentuating my bra/breasts (3 months HRT)
stormy weather is always gloomy for me when i'm not home so it pretty much exacerbated everything
nobody to turn to for support/guidance
the usual overreacting/aversion reactions from people in public
i think it's the first two that really did it for me. the rest are actually my daily happenings and i don't mind them whatsoever but this time it just got to me
I feel you. I go through the overreaction/aversion in my own house, so I become reclusive in my little room and work up the courage to come out again. I'm making strides to do various things outside the house in order to counter my lack of confidence and my discomfort with other people.
Quote from: SiobhánF on June 12, 2018, 12:12:07 PM
I feel you. I go through the overreaction/aversion in my own house, so I become reclusive in my little room and work up the courage to come out again. I'm making strides to do various things outside the house in order to counter my lack of confidence and my discomfort with other people.
thanks for replying, miss :D
i do find myself wanting to go out more really. as harsh and unforgiving society may be i really am starting to find that appeal to flaunt it and let haters hate. i dunno why but i find it quite esteem/confidence boosting. not always but most of the time.....oh and shopping :D
Quote from: IamJoannaAndJohn on June 12, 2018, 01:12:52 PM
thanks for replying, miss :D
i do find myself wanting to go out more really. as harsh and unforgiving society may be i really am starting to find that appeal to flaunt it and let haters hate. i dunno why but i find it quite esteem/confidence boosting. not always but most of the time.....oh and shopping :D
I'm not there yet, honestly. I'm barely making it through drive thru interactions, but I'm nearly to the point of getting out and into stores to make purchases. One step at a time. :)
I broke up with my girlfriend.... while we were in Ireland. I'm a terrible person.
I'm just sad. My face is very swollen from laser and it takes 3 days to all go away. That with my short hair I look like a man. And not even a good looking one (anymore). Part of me feels like I should've kept embracing myself before hrt and wanting to transition. I don't know what's really changed. As far as dating, I used to meet a lot of hot tall men before too. Now I'm just a weirdo, especially with a swollen face [emoji20]
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Quote from: Allison S on June 13, 2018, 08:25:43 AM
I'm just sad. My face is very swollen from laser and it takes 3 days to all go away. That with my short hair I look like a man. And not even a good looking one (anymore). Part of me feels like I should've kept embracing myself before hrt and wanting to transition. I don't know what's really changed. As far as dating, I used to meet a lot of hot tall men before too. Now I'm just a weirdo, especially with a swollen face [emoji20]
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
This post is what made me sad today. Allison is about as pretty as they come and the most positive person you'll ever meet so if she's this hard on herself than what chance do the rest of us have.
Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on June 13, 2018, 08:54:02 AM
This post is what made me sad today. Allison is about as pretty as they come and the most positive person you'll ever meet so if she's this hard on herself than what chance do the rest of us have.
Allison, Polly, we're women. When it comes to our own looks we see a full glass as half empty.
I came out as trans to an acquaintance while talking about a Pride event the other day. She knows a lot of trans men and women but was totally shocked by me. We often do better than we think we do.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on June 13, 2018, 08:54:02 AM
This post is what made me sad today. Allison is about as pretty as they come and the most positive person you'll ever meet so if she's this hard on herself than what chance do the rest of us have.
Your face and body is a lot smaller than I am. We're the same height but I'm broader overall... Plus I'm a bit further on hrt right now. Trust me in a year or 2, you'll be "as pretty as they come". I've seen your progress in the past couple of months and I'm in awe by you.
I'm stuck in a rut right now. I didn't intend for anyone to take what I shared so negatively, especially NOT towards themselves. There's no need to compare, even though we know each other in person, it's unhelpful. And I know I'm being hypocritical because that's exactly what I did...
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Quote from: Allison S on June 13, 2018, 09:17:45 AM
Your face and body is a lot smaller than I am. We're the same height but I'm broader overall... Plus I'm a bit further on hrt right now. Trust me in a year or 2, you'll be "as pretty as they come". I've seen your progress in the past couple of months and I'm in awe by you.
I'm stuck in a rut right now. I didn't intend for anyone to take what I shared so negatively, especially NOT towards themselves. There's no need to compare, even though we know each other in person, it's unhelpful. And I know I'm being hypocritical because that's exactly what I did...
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
Maybe you just need glasses, here's an HD pic of me:
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwarsofthecaribbean/images/1/17/Yaddle-Ep1IG.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110105071545)
Quote from: Dee Marshall on June 13, 2018, 08:59:35 AM
Allison, Polly, we're women. When it comes to our own looks we see a full glass as half empty.
I came out as trans to an acquaintance while talking about a Pride event the other day. She knows a lot of trans men and women but was totally shocked by me. We often do better than we think we do.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
@Dee Marshall You are absolutely correct in stating that "We often do better than we think we do."
We are indeed our worst critics...
That was neat and certainly quite affirming for you when you said that your acquaintance that you came out to was shocked.... that should boost your self-confidence a notch or two I would think.
Beautiful cis-women are a good example of being their own worst critics.... they look in the mirror and see all kinds of issues that no one else even notices and may not even be there.
My solution, ban all mirrors and all cameras. LOL :)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts...
Danielle
I realized today that tomorrow is my first divorce anniversary. I know that I'm much better without her but I still can't get over the broken family issue and that I was not able to make it. I know that I married and got kids for the wrong reasons and therefore it's my fault. Still it hurts...
I have a lot of trust issues and although I often think that it would be nice to have someone special in my life I can't get myself to start dating again.
So I try to keep myself busy with work and fixing all the broken things around the house. The only thing I can't fix is obviously me.
Quote from: Allison S on June 13, 2018, 09:17:45 AM
Your face and body is a lot smaller than I am. We're the same height but I'm broader overall... Plus I'm a bit further on hrt right now. Trust me in a year or 2, you'll be "as pretty as they come". I've seen your progress in the past couple of months and I'm in awe by you.
I'm stuck in a rut right now. I didn't intend for anyone to take what I shared so negatively, especially NOT towards themselves. There's no need to compare, even though we know each other in person, it's unhelpful. And I know I'm being hypocritical because that's exactly what I did...
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
I'll give you one better. Without a wig or makeup, I look like a total man. Especially so when I don't wear typically feminine clothing. And, I'm tall: 6'2". And I have broad shoulders. And I've got male pattern baldness (though, not as severe as to say that there is
no hair, but I get comments all the time). I hate my face the most. The only thing helping me through most of this is the subtle changes that I notice each week. Small insignificant changes that others wouldn't notice, but are significant to me.
Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on June 13, 2018, 09:31:05 AM
Maybe you just need glasses, here's an HD pic of me:
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwarsofthecaribbean/images/1/17/Yaddle-Ep1IG.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110105071545)
Well I was just referring to my own experience right now and what I'm going through.
It may not be your intent, but your response kind of makes me not to make another post.
At the end of the day anything that I post about myself has nothing to do with anyone else and their journey.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
I hear ya loud and clear, Allison.
Quote from: TonyaW on June 11, 2018, 07:15:57 AM
So for Tonya's "first" birthday, this is the card I got from dad.
He also addressed it to my full former name.
I had told him when the court date for my name change was (March 21) so he knew.
The last time I can remember him writing or calling me anything other than TJ was when he had to write out his children's names on the divorce papers he served my mom 40 years ago. He spelled the middle name wrong then also.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180611/696e7d6de09e50720ad8888c0623b0b7.jpg)
Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
I absolutely understand this but maybe it was just naivety? Doesn't seem like it was malicious at all.
Dripping with bright yellow snot & sore throat just as I thought I was getting better.
Quote from: Allison S on June 13, 2018, 01:57:46 PM
Well I was just referring to my own experience right now and what I'm going through.
It may not be your intent, but your response kind of makes me not to make another post.
At the end of the day anything that I post about myself has nothing to do with anyone else and their journey.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
I know, I'm really sorry. I just wanted to let you know how other people see you and I just wanted to cheer you up. I'm sorry I really am sorry. I only wanted to try to make you feel better, thats all I wanted to convey. The rest of the message was just there as an excuse to say I think you're beautiful inside and out. I'm sorry, I'll stop.
Quote from: SiobhánF on June 13, 2018, 01:49:19 PM
I'll give you one better. Without a wig or makeup, I look like a total man. Especially so when I don't wear typically feminine clothing. And, I'm tall: 6'2". And I have broad shoulders. And I've got male pattern baldness (though, not as severe as to say that there is no hair, but I get comments all the time). I hate my face the most. The only thing helping me through most of this is the subtle changes that I notice each week. Small insignificant changes that others wouldn't notice, but are significant to me.
Quote from: SiobhánF on June 13, 2018, 02:12:29 PM
I hear ya loud and clear, Allison.
Sorry Siobhán, I didn't mean to skim over your post. I just didn't know what to say in response. But I do understand where you're coming from and thanks for reading my comment.
Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on June 13, 2018, 05:30:01 PM
I know, I'm really sorry. I just wanted to let you know how other people see you and I just wanted to cheer you up. I'm sorry I really am sorry. I only wanted to try to make you feel better, thats all I wanted to convey. The rest of the message was just there as an excuse to say I think you're beautiful inside and out. I'm sorry, I'll stop.
Thanks I guess I missed that you were trying to cheer me up... my initial post may not have been corteous of me but sometimes I don't care and I needed to vent at the time. No worries
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Quote from: Charlie Nicki on June 13, 2018, 03:30:33 PM
I absolutely understand this but maybe it was just naivety? Doesn't seem like it was malicious at all.
The card by itself would have only disappointed me if the envelope had been addressed to TJ, as he's called me for 40 years and addressed everything he's sent to me in that time. Taken together it was done on purpose, as he knew that my name was legally changed in March.
I thought he might have done that last Christmas which would have been the first time since I told him that we had contact.
He didn't then and he called me TJ when we had our usual Christmas phone call.
The name change is what prompted him to do it now.
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Tapatalk keeps throwing up ads for "compassionate maternity care" on my Susan's threads.
That's just cruel!
And I just saw one for a "minimizer bra". Any of you girls up for looking like you have LESS boobs?
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
stormy weather
preventing me to run/walk outside for my cardio
Feeling trapped between current unhappiness and a different unhappiness! Can't go back, not sure about going forward!
I am now at that point where I have to decide whether I am going to truly transition and risk losing my wife, kids, almost certainly our house to be comfortable in my own skin. I would be distraught at losing my wife and kids as I love them so much however living as the old unhappy male me just seems so difficult to continue with.
Thats my constant daily debate at the moment. Usually a pretty positive person but just having a 'down' few days.
Nikki
x
Quote from: TonyaW on June 14, 2018, 08:11:03 AM
The card by itself would have only disappointed me if the envelope had been addressed to TJ, as he's called me for 40 years and addressed everything he's sent to me in that time. Taken together it was done on purpose, as he knew that my name was legally changed in March.
I thought he might have done that last Christmas which would have been the first time since I told him that we had contact.
He didn't then and he called me TJ when we had our usual Christmas phone call.
The name change is what prompted him to do it now.
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Oh I understand now. Sorry for that.
Why am I unhappy today? I planned to come out on social media and, trying to be a good daughter, tried including my mom by telling her first if she wanted to take a picture with me so she was part of the post. Well we ended up having a big argument and I ended up crying because she doesn't want me to post anything and she called me selfish... Which she does everytime we argue.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on June 14, 2018, 09:03:31 PM
Oh I understand now. Sorry for that.
No problem. Don't think you necessarily get all that from my initial post.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on June 14, 2018, 09:05:18 PM
Why am I unhappy today? I planned to come out on social media and, trying to be a good daughter, tried including my mom by telling her first if she wanted to take a picture with me so she was part of the post. Well we ended up having a big argument and I ended up crying because she doesn't want me to post anything and she called me selfish... Which she does everytime we argue.
I'm guessing she's generally been supportive or you wouldn't have asked her.
That would be a bummer. Sorry for you.
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Quote from: TonyaW on June 15, 2018, 02:42:48 AM
No problem. Don't think you necessarily get all that from my initial post.I'm guessing she's generally been supportive or you wouldn't have asked her.
That would be a bummer. Sorry for you.
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She's supportive. But she's been in a bad mood lately, I think it's because of my transition. I think she's trying to cope and I understand it is difficult for her but our argument last night made me feel bad. She said I still have manly features and shouldn't be posting the pic. It seemed like she was embarrassed. She's a great mother overall but it still hurt me. And I know my features aren't super feminine yet but I already had breast augmentation and can't go back...
Body acne, ingrown hairs and shaving irritation. I feel like they're constant negative reminders for me which are overwhelming. All reminds me of why I'm lonely and insecure. I know there's no quick fix and I need to keep changing and adapting my hygiene regimens to cater to my body better. Yes, this sounds pretty vain even to me, but it is important. It all kinda feels like, "if not now then when?" A bit clichey, but that's the urgency I'm feeling.
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There are some BS articles floating around Facebook right now about how ADHD is supposedly not a real disorder. Some of my friends are sharing them. ADHD has been a huge factor in my life and to see people tell me that it's all in my head is just extremely painful.
They even go as far as to say that the medication causes further psychiatric problems. They're sounding like anti-vaxxers. It pisses me off.
My drinking. It was really out of hand last night but I just felt so dysphoric and have been recently. I don't know what came over me I vomitted twice, the 2nd time I couldn't keep food in my stomach.
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twitter friend who is a transgirl living in a homophobic islamic country got outed, committed suicide via ingestion of chemicals, underwent surgery, vital organs damages, she made it but in very critical condition.
and
being reminded of some people at work whom i thought were my friends but were nothing but turn coat baddies
Quote from: Allison S on June 17, 2018, 11:49:06 AM
My drinking. It was really out of hand last night but I just felt so dysphoric and have been recently. I don't know what came over me I vomitted twice, the 2nd time I couldn't keep food in my stomach.
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Alcohol poisoning. I really cut back since I had it in December
Quote from: big kim on June 18, 2018, 10:40:58 AM
Alcohol poisoning. I really cut back since I had it in December
Right I meant idk why I drank so much. I had cut back since august '17 right before I started hrt. Was almost to 1 year!! Darn
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Quote from: Allison S on June 18, 2018, 11:13:47 AM
Right I meant idk why I drank so much. I had cut back since august '17 right before I started hrt. Was almost to 1 year!! Darn
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Quote from: Allison S on June 17, 2018, 11:49:06 AM
My drinking. It was really out of hand last night but I just felt so dysphoric and have been recently. I don't know what came over me I vomitted twice, the 2nd time I couldn't keep food in my stomach.
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Quote from: big kim on June 18, 2018, 10:40:58 AM
Alcohol poisoning. I really cut back since I had it in December
@Allison S @big kim Dear Allison and Kim: Sorry to hear about that... I am glad that you are aware and will cut back again....
For me I have never drank much more than a couple glasses of wine with dinner or perhaps a cocktail, then, while I am still thinking clearly I switch to juice or a diet coke.
I have enough problems thinking intelligently and clearly without alcohol fogging my brain and being uninhibited and doing things that would be embarrassing, stupid or dangerous....
In my groups of friends I am always the designated driver. Plus alcoholic beverages are full of calories and carbs...
I would rather pick my calories and have chocolate.Hang in there Allison and Kim and continue on kicking the habit.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Father's Day :-\ Always depresses the stuff out of me
Quote from: V M on June 18, 2018, 02:17:27 PM
Father's Day :-\ Always depresses the stuff out of me
@V M .... very understandable... MTFs and FTM's have a difficult set of problems with those special days like Father's Day and Mother's Day. Some couples with very young children have dealt with those issues by having
Mommy#1 and Mommy#2
.... or Daddy#1 and Daddy#2
But for most with older and adult children and possible relationship problems with their spouse... there are few palatable solutions other than just accepting that you are your children's father or mother and will always be... it's only one day a year so perhaps one solution is to eat more chocolate!!!
I understand your feelings and am wishing you well with how you handle this...
Hugs,
Danielle
Seeing a man's body in the mirror really slapped me in the face this morning. My tummy also feels really chubby again :(
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Bet its not as chubby as mine
A month living at a retreat center has chubbed me up as well. [emoji26]
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Had an interview for the position of a carer today for old folks. The stuff I had to fill out was naturally all male male male, man name man name man name. But what ever its formalities and my name is unfortunately not changed or nothing, so I just felt with it.
After all the usual questions interview was over all had went well and I left.
When I was in the car about to leave she runs up to me tell me that I had more than liekly got the job. But as my transition is not to the point I'm officially female I would have to work mostly with male patients and the team I would be working with will naturally be more men. I felt sick but thought no point showing her that, so I just said well it'll be alright asking as my name tag still says Rachel, she said it would most likely have to be my old name.
I felt so rotten, I could bring myself to say anything on it and left.
I feel like garabage after this >-bleeped-<ty day.
Feel sick and ugly and like some sort of halfling.
HUGS Rachal love ,so do you think its time to sort the name change then?
Thanks Davina.
Yes maybe it really is time to chase it up.
I'm just amazed at the outcome of that interview :/
Wow, Rachel. I'm so sorry to hear that happened and honestly shocked... I hope that you'll find somewhere that you feel more comfortable being. I'm going through name change issues right now myself...
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Being a "woman" doesn't feel like the holy grail I used to idolize before... it feels like a chore and I've fallen behind in every other area of my life just to "keep up". I really can't though... it just stinks. I know I need to come to acceptance within myself, but being trans feels like a crutch to me. I don't want to be cis either, I just don't care for the transgender label. I really don't even know what being transgender is.. I know that sounds weird but it's how I feel.
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Quote from: Allison S on June 27, 2018, 06:16:48 AM
Being a "woman" doesn't feel like the holy grail I used to idolize before... it feels like a chore and I've fallen behind in every other area of my life just to "keep up". I really can't though... it just stinks. I know I need to come to acceptance within myself, but being trans feels like a crutch to me. I don't want to be cis either, I just don't care for the transgender label. I really don't even know what being transgender is.. I know that sounds weird but it's how I feel.
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Sweetie, there is no "weird". Your feelings are your feelings, and I'm sure many people share them. Just try to remember, all that ultimately matters is that you are you, and honest with yourself, whatever form that may take.
Unfortunately, I think we'd all agree transitioning is... not easy. Everything we do is time consuming, expensive, requires years of practice, there are countless times where we have to suffer through unbearable waits... I'm trying to convince myself of this right now as well, but there is no need to "keep up" or do anything on a schedule. These are self imposed restrictions we place upon ourselves. If you need to take a break from the stuff that weighs you down, then do so. Forget about doing anything you don't absolutely have to do to keep any dysphoria at bay, let the hormones do their thing in the background, and give yourself a breather.
Quote from: Roll on June 27, 2018, 01:47:02 PM
Sweetie, there is no "weird". Your feelings are your feelings, and I'm sure many people share them. Just try to remember, all that ultimately matters is that you are you, and honest with yourself, whatever form that may take.
Unfortunately, I think we'd all agree transitioning is... not easy. Everything we do is time consuming, expensive, requires years of practice, there are countless times where we have to suffer through unbearable waits... I'm trying to convince myself of this right now as well, but there is no need to "keep up" or do anything on a schedule. These are self imposed restrictions we place upon ourselves. If you need to take a break from the stuff that weighs you down, then do so. Forget about doing anything you don't absolutely have to do to keep any dysphoria at bay, let the hormones do their thing in the background, and give yourself a breather.
Thank you [emoji173] you're right. I feel like I'm really not doing much at all yet I see everyone progressing beautifully in their own way. I don't think I've really done anything substantial in my transitio for a few months now. I actually feel stuck with my name change because of other circumstances outside my control. And then this is pushing everything else back for me. When people say to have patience, it has a different meaning for me. It means I'm not just waiting on hrt to do "more" (it doesn't have to do anything, I've let go of that expectation), but in a way to live my life and move on with it.
I'm scared I'll be on hrt indefinitely with nothing to really look forward to yet being misgendered constantly and having to explain myself. This is not what I signed up for [emoji17]
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Quote from: Allison S on June 27, 2018, 04:07:45 PM
Thank you [emoji173] you're right. I feel like I'm really not doing much at all yet I see everyone progressing beautifully in their own way. I don't think I've really done anything substantial in my transitio for a few months now. I actually feel stuck with my name change because of other circumstances outside my control. And then this is pushing everything else back for me. When people say to have patience, it has a different meaning for me. It means I'm not just waiting on hrt to do "more" (it doesn't have to do anything, I've let go of that expectation), but in a way to live my life and move on with it.
I'm scared I'll be on hrt indefinitely with nothing to really look forward to yet being misgendered constantly and having to explain myself. This is not what I signed up for [emoji17]
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That seems like a natural enough fear to me, you shouldn't beat yourself up for having it.
But yeah, definitely don't just rely on HRT and wait for some magic moment where you suddenly pass without trying. But just remember you are allowed to take a break from the grind and that it doesn't mean things aren't still happening to some degree, with the expectation that at some point you probably do plan to return some or all of those things you tabled as you feel up to it.
I think the trap we run into is that we feel we have wasted so much time (I know I do), if we want to have time left to truly live we have to get everything done immediately, but it's just too much for one person to do without fail and stay sane.
Quote from: Allison S on June 27, 2018, 06:04:00 AM
Wow, Rachel. I'm so sorry to hear that happened and honestly shocked... I hope that you'll find somewhere that you feel more comfortable being. I'm going through name change issues right now myself...
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Thanks Allison. It's a very dirty situation
Quote from: Rachel_Christina on June 28, 2018, 07:19:31 AM
Thanks Allison. It's a very dirty situation
[emoji173] I know everytime I'm dead named I feel terrible
Quote from: Roll on June 27, 2018, 08:49:21 PM
That seems like a natural enough fear to me, you shouldn't beat yourself up for having it.
But yeah, definitely don't just rely on HRT and wait for some magic moment where you suddenly pass without trying. But just remember you are allowed to take a break from the grind and that it doesn't mean things aren't still happening to some degree, with the expectation that at some point you probably do plan to return some or all of those things you tabled as you feel up to it.
I think the trap we run into is that we feel we have wasted so much time (I know I do), if we want to have time left to truly live we have to get everything done immediately, but it's just too much for one person to do without fail and stay sane.
It really is too much. And life doesn't automtically stop for us to catch up. It's no wonder I've avoided my gender issues for so long. My real fear is that I can't transition for some reason. That's why I wanna have an orchi and ffs. There's really no way I can go back.
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The guy who sold me a car a few days ago lied about it being current on emissions, so fingers crossed that it will pass today. If it doesn't, I have no idea what to do.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on July 05, 2018, 10:26:30 AM
The guy who sold me a car a few days ago lied about it being current on emissions, so fingers crossed that it will pass today. If it doesn't, I have no idea what to do.
Filled it with dipetane lolol
Quote from: 4A-GZE on July 05, 2018, 10:26:30 AM
The guy who sold me a car a few days ago lied about it being current on emissions, so fingers crossed that it will pass today. If it doesn't, I have no idea what to do.
As long as the check engine light isn't on, it should pass emissions. The exception is if the light has been disabled. If so, ask at the emissions testing station about your legal options as there is probably a law against tampering with the emission system to sell or sneak it past the testing. My light has come on a few times and it probably would have passed all but one time any test that didn't check for error codes. The last time it was dumping extra fuel in the engine which could have been serious had it going on for very long.
Thanks, you two! Luckily, it did pass, so all is well. Still, no idea why the guy would say it was current.
Its was yesterday rather than today but I'm sure you'll let me stretch it for once. :P
I had an appointment at the solicitors for my name change deed between 2 and 3.30. Background is that I've been full time for a week but basically transitioning for like 5 years or so, and thought I passed or blended very well.
I walk in to the solicitors office at 3pm and am greeted instantly with "Hi Emma, come this way". I'm probably reading too much into it but it really dented my ego, as to me she'd instantly seen me and thought "oh, thats obviously my trans client". My only downer on an otherwise awesome week, but it has left me bruised and paranoid :(
Em x
Quote from: emma-f on July 08, 2018, 05:50:11 AM
Its was yesterday rather than today but I'm sure you'll let me stretch it for once. [emoji14]
I had an appointment at the solicitors for my name change deed between 2 and 3.30. Background is that I've been full time for a week but basically transitioning for like 5 years or so, and thought I passed or blended very well.
I walk in to the solicitors office at 3pm and am greeted instantly with "Hi Emma, come this way". I'm probably reading too much into it but it really dented my ego, as to me she'd instantly seen me and thought "oh, thats obviously my trans client". My only downer on an otherwise awesome week, but it has left me bruised and paranoid :(
Em x
More likely that they know who's in the appointment book and quite possibly you were the only female name in there for time frame.
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Was woke up to someone workin' on something with hammer and so forth, got one of those really intense headaches :P
Sometimes I feel almost convinced that there's a chance I'll wake up tomorrow as a cis woman, having never had to deal with any of this. It's just so unfair that I have to live like this, to the point where I seriously feel like it can't be real.
That's what has me down today.
My passport change has now been approved. Yey.
They would not let me change the gender marker to F though. Boo.
And on contacting Expedia to change my name on a flight I have coming up, the agent kept referring to me as sir. Even when I informed him of my situation and my new name. "So sir, your name is now Emma..." grrrrr
Quote from: emma-f on July 22, 2018, 11:37:14 AM
And on contacting Expedia to change my name on a flight I have coming up, the agent kept referring to me as sir. Even when I informed him of my situation and my new name. "So sir, your name is now Emma..." grrrrr
Even if the gender marker on your passport is currently out of sync, if Emma is your legal first name I don't see any reason why Expedia can't use your preferred pronoun when you talk to Expedia.
I'd suggest contact Expedia and ask them to update or note your records so their agents stop referring to you as sir. If Expedia refuses to do that, let me know and I will take my business to one of their competitors. I've used Expedia for quite awhile and I travel often.
You are the customer, and without customers they don't have a business.
Yesterday went to a food stall for mini steak pie and mushy peas (very tasty) wearing my new sun hat , shirt dress that shows a bit of cleavage and holding a purse and got SIRED very badly, the last one as I walked away "enjoy your meal SIR. Arse hole. but made better when waiting at the bar for a drink and had "this ladies first"
Got lost again, Manchester this time, Helmshore Sunday
Quote from: Kendra on July 22, 2018, 01:43:23 PM
Even if the gender marker on your passport is currently out of sync, if Emma is your legal first name I don't see any reason why Expedia can't use your preferred pronoun when you talk to Expedia.
I'd suggest contact Expedia and ask them to update or note your records so their agents stop referring to you as sir. If Expedia refuses to do that, let me know and I will take my business to one of their competitors. I've used Expedia for quite awhile and I travel often.
You are the customer, and without customers they don't have a business.
Thanks Kendra. When I followed it up my flight details were all changed for free and the call back used proper pronouns, so I'll assume for now the agent was merely confused because the booking was in the name of sir. All good now 😁
A >-bleeped-< time of it with the gender services. Conversation was idiotic an non sensical
Dr: how do you feel about your secondary sex characteristics?
Me:I didnt like them when the first came through and it only got more intense
Dr: Ah so you refused to grow up then?
Me: I didnt say that....
Dr: So you think you are trans but you like sports?
Me:What's wrong with that? I know a girl who just won world competitive status in powerlifting?
Dr: But girls dont do that...
Dr: so you got diagnozed with dyspraxia as a child, what about autism
Me: they tested me for autism repeatedly throughout my life up into higher education. Dyspraxia has some overlap but if they believe autism is more likely, they diagnose that instead (cite: Dyspraxia foundation UK)
Dr: Well I think you're autistic (we are half an hour into the appointment)
Me: well as I said, I was tested and they dont think so, and this was over several years
Dr: I think you are autistic and not trans
Me: and I know Im not autistic from years of testing so yeah?
It was like banging my head on a brick wall all day and I left appropriate feedback.
I'm kind of having a crisis right now. I'm not going to hurt myself, though. But I don't know what to do. I'm just so tired of this. I feel like nothing will ever get better. No matter what I do I won't look or sound the way i feel I'm supposed to. Don't lie to me and say that i will. I'm not going to ever be comfortable in my own skin. I just have no motivation for anything because I don't see a point. I only shower like twice a week. I haven't taken out the trash in forever. There are flies in my kitchen and I have half a gallon of milk that expired on the 15th. I can't take care of myself. I go to bed at like 7 because there's nothing worth staying up for. I have no friends and I live alone. I have zero support. I'm scared to come out to my family because I'm scared that they can't make me feel better. I go to sleep every night hoping that I'll wake up tomorrow and this will have all been a dream. I want to give up. I don't want to die; I just want to give up. I want to quit my job, run away, and start over. But I can't, because I'll run into the same problems regardless what I do. I'll never be a real woman in my own mind, no matter what anyone says.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on August 02, 2018, 07:25:10 PM
I'm kind of having a crisis right now. I'm not going to hurt myself, though. But I don't know what to do. I'm just so tired of this. I feel like nothing will ever get better. No matter what I do I won't look or sound the way i feel I'm supposed to. Don't lie to me and say that i will. I'm not going to ever be comfortable in my own skin. I just have no motivation for anything because I don't see a point. I only shower like twice a week. I haven't taken out the trash in forever. There are flies in my kitchen and I have half a gallon of milk that expired on the 15th. I can't take care of myself. I go to bed at like 7 because there's nothing worth staying up for. I have no friends and I live alone. I have zero support. I'm scared to come out to my family because I'm scared that they can't make me feel better. I go to sleep every night hoping that I'll wake up tomorrow and this will have all been a dream. I want to give up. I don't want to die; I just want to give up. I want to quit my job, run away, and start over. But I can't, because I'll run into the same problems regardless what I do. I'll never be a real woman in my own mind, no matter what anyone says.
What would it take to help you? Treatment? Somebody to talk to? Progress in another area? Some of these things we can help you with and you only need to ask. Possibly you think it's not possible to be a woman but you haven't tried yet. The transition is far more that changing your appearance as it also requires a mental adjustment. There is no reason to live in the dumps when help is available for the asking.
Quote from: Dena on August 02, 2018, 10:05:15 PM
What would it take to help you? Treatment? Somebody to talk to? Progress in another area? Some of these things we can help you with and you only need to ask. Possibly you think it's not possible to be a woman but you haven't tried yet. The transition is far more that changing your appearance as it also requires a mental adjustment. There is no reason to live in the dumps when help is available for the asking.
I'm honestly not sure. I kind of feel like nothing will help. I really just need to see a professional, but I'm not sure I can afford it.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on August 03, 2018, 05:07:00 AM
I'm honestly not sure. I kind of feel like nothing will help. I really just need to see a professional, but I'm not sure I can afford it.
We have several local Gender Therapists that adjust their rate based on means. Don't give up, search around and see if there is one in your area.
I finally gave in and told my parents again (I came out once before, but they sort of blew it off. They were going to find me a good counselor to talk to about it, but that just never ended up happening) and they're going to help me find someone now. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, though, both of you. It means a lot.
Of course, now I'm back to worrying about work. I know that some of my coworkers would be supportive outright, and a few would be reluctantly tolerant, but there are two that I'm especially worried about, as well as others I just can't read into at all. I think my best bet is to try to transfer if and when I start to transition, right at the point where I can't hide my boobs anymore. Even if i end up with bigoted coworkers, I'd rather meet them as a woman than become one after the fact. That way I won't have to rely on them to adjust for me.
Of course, this is all assuming I can even keep my job. My boss is one of the ones I can't read.
Work can be a point of anxiety and fear. I've worked where I am for 9 years, interacted (due to my job requirements) with just about everyone. So, when I 'came out' here I had no idea what would happen. All-in-all, it's gone well. Anyone that may find it personally, um, distasteful, is not allowed to say anything. I know of one out of the hundreds here. Everyone else is either Eh, Whatever or supportive.
What I'm saying is, try not to let it get to you. As you introduce changes it'll all work out. I am wearing a dress today. I wore a skirt last week. Nothing but compliments. :)
I was misgendered by the wife of new elderly couple that moved into our apartment building last week. I bumped into her in the laundry room. She kept calling me sir, even after I introduced my self as Donica. I was even presenting as female? I don't think she meant anything by it. I just think she may have had a lot on her mind? Oh well, I got over it.
I got my United Healthcare supplemental plan signup done. :) A nice perk since I have Medicare and Medicaid.
I got a call about the doctor I saw from the services. It's been investigated and they asked me if I want to make a formal complaint. Its been two weeks now, I haven't done because I don't want to turn this into something I feel could drag out long term, but given I have no physical proof of comments made, a part of me from my anxiety/depression side wonders if I'm liable to any backlash or retaliation for raising my upset and the comments that were made in the form of some kind of legal pathway like a lawsuit?
Trying to make friends, getting super discouraged. I swear I'm not just being overdramatic when I say that almost everyone I ever associate with ends up just dropping contact with me without warning. I've lost all of my closest friends this way. They just get tired of me and leave forever.
So of course I have issues when it comes to making new friends. I feel like they're silently judging every single thing I do and they're always going to find some reason to hate me. One time I was making small talk with a new friend and she asked me what i was most scared of. I told her that I'm scared of losing my friends. The very next day, she told me that she got back together with her boyfriend and, as she is moving later this year, she was going to spend the rest of her time with him instead. I want to say that I understand, but I still feel like I did something wrong. Why can't she make time for me at all?
I'm sorry that I complain here so much. I just have a horrible social life and this is one of my only outlets.
Girl, complain on here as much as you want. That's what it's here for. I feel you on the friend thing, though. I've gotten to the point where I figure that the ones that stay are the real VIPs.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on August 13, 2018, 10:23:19 AM
Trying to make friends, getting super discouraged. I swear I'm not just being overdramatic when I say that almost everyone I ever associate with ends up just dropping contact with me without warning. I've lost all of my closest friends this way. They just get tired of me and leave forever.
So of course I have issues when it comes to making new friends. I feel like they're silently judging every single thing I do and they're always going to find some reason to hate me. One time I was making small talk with a new friend and she asked me what i was most scared of. I told her that I'm scared of losing my friends. The very next day, she told me that she got back together with her boyfriend and, as she is moving later this year, she was going to spend the rest of her time with him instead. I want to say that I understand, but I still feel like I did something wrong. Why can't she make time for me at all?
I'm sorry that I complain here so much. I just have a horrible social life and this is one of my only outlets.
@4A-GZE Feel free to complain... just as
@SiobhánF stated in her comment to you, this is why this thread is titled
"What made you unhappy today? 7.0"It is always good therapy to write out our frustrations, disappointments and complaints.... this helps us to mentally process positive solutions to our life issues.
Many of the things that you described in your post are things that I have dealt with in my transistion... after being full-time now for 3 1/2 years, I still am not accepted by my parents and family and any of my old friends back home. I have made a point of making new friends that accept me and every day I am outgoing and friendly with a big smile on my face.
On my profile, my byline is:
"If you want friends, be friendly, be the first to smile and introduce yourself."On my good friend's profile here on the forums,
@Jessica has a wonderful thought about making friends:
"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere." Everyone's situation is unique, so do what makes sense for you in how you handle your life.
Thanks for posting and sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: jaybutterfly on August 13, 2018, 12:34:50 AM
I got a call about the doctor I saw from the services. It's been investigated and they asked me if I want to make a formal complaint. Its been two weeks now, I haven't done because I don't want to turn this into something I feel could drag out long term, but given I have no physical proof of comments made, a part of me from my anxiety/depression side wonders if I'm liable to any backlash or retaliation for raising my upset and the comments that were made in the form of some kind of legal pathway like a lawsuit?
I'm in USA, not UK, so there's a lot about NHS Gender Services I don't understand. But it seems to me that you SHOULD file a formal complaint.
In most complaint systems I'm familiar with, one of the things you do is to specify what you are seeking in resolution of your complaint. The obvious one here is that you don't want THIS doctor to have anything further to do with your case. My guess is that if you file the formal complaint and specify that as your desired resolution, that's how it will turn out.
I think it's also valuable in a larger sense to put this doctor's comments on a formal record. The dialogue you related in your earlier post indicates this doctor either doesn't belong in Gender Services or, at the very least, he needs a lot of retraining.
Don't worry about the fact that you can't "prove" what he said. YOUR testimony is evidence. If he denies it, he denies it. But even the fact that he HAS to deny it will make him less likely to make similar remarks to another person in the future. (As he gets ready to pop off with some offensive remark to his next patient, a little bell will ring in his head and he will think "Maybe I'd better not say that! Last time I said that, the patient filed a complaint against me!") And that's progress.
Here's another reason not to worry about "proving" what he said. I highly doubt that this doctor has never done anything like this before. Most likely, he has made similar remarks to lots of patients. It may very well be that there are already earlier formal or informal complaints about him. Or that there WILL BE later complaints. Even though there's no audio recordings of the conversations, if different people, unrelated to each other, report the same type of behavior, that's VERY persuasive evidence.
Here's the bottom line. NHS was established to serve the health needs of the people of the UK. UK staff ultimately works for YOU. You shouldn't have to put up with being abused or belittled in seeking appropriate healthcare services.
Quote from: itsApril on August 13, 2018, 02:24:14 PM
I'm in USA, not UK, so there's a lot about NHS Gender Services I don't understand. But it seems to me that you SHOULD file a formal complaint.
In most complaint systems I'm familiar with, one of the things you do is to specify what you are seeking in resolution of your complaint. The obvious one here is that you don't want THIS doctor to have anything further to do with your case. My guess is that if you file the formal complaint and specify that as your desired resolution, that's how it will turn out.
I think it's also valuable in a larger sense to put this doctor's comments on a formal record. The dialogue you related in your earlier post indicates this doctor either doesn't belong in Gender Services or, at the very least, he needs a lot of retraining.
Don't worry about the fact that you can't "prove" what he said. YOUR testimony is evidence. If he denies it, he denies it. But even the fact that he HAS to deny it will make him less likely to make similar remarks to another person in the future. (As he gets ready to pop off with some offensive remark to his next patient, a little bell will ring in his head and he will think "Maybe I'd better not say that! Last time I said that, the patient filed a complaint against me!") And that's progress.
Here's another reason not to worry about "proving" what he said. I highly doubt that this doctor has never done anything like this before. Most likely, he has made similar remarks to lots of patients. It may very well be that there are already earlier formal or informal complaints about him. Or that there WILL BE later complaints. Even though there's no audio recordings of the conversations, if different people, unrelated to each other, report the same type of behavior, that's VERY persuasive evidence.
Here's the bottom line. NHS was established to serve the health needs of the people of the UK. UK staff ultimately works for YOU. You shouldn't have to put up with being abused or belittled in seeking appropriate healthcare services.
I had a phone conversation with them last night, they have said I am entitled to my views and they are very concerned. They have investigated him and they have bent over backwards to accommodate me. My second opinion is in 6 weeks as opposed to six months, and I have my original assessor, the head of the services, as my chaperone, so I am feeling a lot happier. The people I am seeing now are mainly focused on gender dysphoria. The guy I saw, upon reading up, is Freudian based guy with masculinities as his main interest.
There were problems last year with doctors threatening to sue people for bad feedback and complaints as defamation of character, and in the state the health services are, I would also be concerned about how protected I am to express myself.
Thanks, you two! It feels nice being included here, at least. :)
And of course, something else that pisses me off more than it should:
I work in junk removal and can keep what I find. Yesterday. I found an AC unit that happened to include some extremely strong magnets. I wanted those magnets, just for fun. I told my partner I was keeping them. He told me that he wanted the whole AC unit, so he needed all the parts. Reluctantly, I gave him my magnets. No big deal, really.
But then this morning I came to work and found the AC still on the truck, heading for the dump.... without the magnets.
This 40-year-old man basically stole what is essentially a toy from a 23-year-old coworker. I've never liked him anyway, but that was the most childish thing I've ever seen him do.
So I recently picked back up World of Warcraft to play with a friend who really needs it (long story, those who have read my thread may know a bit who I'm referring to) and found out that Blizzard for... "Security purposes"... won't let you change the name on the account without a court order. And I won't have legal name change for months still. So meanwhile, every time I log in there it is. Everyone calls me Ellie, I speak in exclusively female voice, present exclusively female, and it is not a situation I hover in the middle at all, yet I'm tagged with the name "John" for months to come.
Security purposes. It's a damn MMO not a bank.
Quote from: Roll on August 14, 2018, 10:09:31 AM
So I recently picked back up World of Warcraft to play with a friend who really needs it (long story, those who have read my thread may know a bit who I'm referring to) and found out that Blizzard for... "Security purposes"... won't let you change the name on the account without a court order. And I won't have legal name change for months still. So meanwhile, every time I log in there it is. Everyone calls me Ellie, I speak in exclusively female voice, present exclusively female, and it is not a situation I hover in the middle at all, yet I'm tagged with the name "John" for months to come.
Security purposes. It's a damn MMO not a bank.
@Roll Dear Ellie:
OH, the trials and tribulations of being trans and trying to get name and gender changes done.... just when you think you have them all changed, surprise, surprise a new unchanged document comes in the mail...
...and then of course the difficult ones like your game login.... and hang on, there will certainly be others to deal with.
Perhaps just sign up with a brand new account???
Hugs,
Danielle
My partner at work today decided to blow off our last job, and I'm such a pushover that I didn't stop him. So now there's a guy waiting for us and we're not coming. He told him to reschedule, but I'm thinking he's going to call corporate before anything. I'm just paranoid now. I might get fired because I'm too weak to stand up for myself and I just went along with my partner.
I've come to terms with the fact today I may need to leave my job.
Crummy hours down to an unliveable earning of 11 hours at minimum wage, reduced responsibilities, being pushed into things like cleaning, given no respect by fellow staff and to top it all off, Im patsied with everything that goes wrong because if one of the 'more key' members of staff (ie the ones who are providing classes at the leisure centre I work at) are to be upset by rightful disciplinaries for <not allowed>, they will leave and harm the business. I get it in the neck because work others should do isnt finished or done properly and Im expected to pick up after people who are supervisor level that can't be arsed.
I would earn a few pence more an hour and get potentially more hours as a pizza delivery driver. It would be double hours I get too, with set times for start and end of shift, and because it would be regular (unlike my current job where my shifts can be 5am-midnight with no idea when or how my shifts are spread out on a contract of 11 hours), I can actually have a routine where I am able to work my animation, writing and other pursuits into my time.
Im a bit sad though that this is what has become of my job, I did initially enjoy it, but between everything that has been going on, I cannot cope with this more.
<Moderator edit - removed profanity>
Quote from: jaybutterfly on August 14, 2018, 05:15:19 PM
I've come to terms with the fact today I may need to leave my job.
Crummy hours down to an unliveable earning of 11 hours at minimum wage, reduced responsibilities, being pushed into things like cleaning, given no respect by fellow staff and to top it all off, Im patsied with everything that goes wrong because if one of the 'more key' members of staff (ie the ones who are providing classes at the leisure centre I work at) are to be upset by rightful disciplinaries for <not allowed>, they will leave and harm the business. I get it in the neck because work others should do isnt finished or done properly and Im expected to pick up after people who are supervisor level that can't be arsed.
I would earn a few pence more an hour and get potentially more hours as a pizza delivery driver. It would be double hours I get too, with set times for start and end of shift, and because it would be regular (unlike my current job where my shifts can be 5am-midnight with no idea when or how my shifts are spread out on a contract of 11 hours), I can actually have a routine where I am able to work my animation, writing and other pursuits into my time.
Im a bit sad though that this is what has become of my job, I did initially enjoy it, but between everything that has been going on, I cannot cope with this more.
<Moderator edit - removed profanity>
Hey hun, I transitioned while a pizza driver. You get thicker skin because of it. I guess it depends on your town though. I'm in a pretty liberal city and most people are really nice. Plus nobody knew me so that was a great way to do it.
Other than surgery and some electrolysis I've transitioned. I have an office job and they treat me as the woman I am. It's not a secret but someday people might forget or I'll move on.
Basically, do what you need to and don't worry about the
>-bleeped-<s.
Hugs
Kitty
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I feel sorry for you brave souls who decided to be the person you were meant to be early in life. Beats hiding in the closet until you retire although my future is secure my past was a wasteland of self hate and dysphoria. I hope you get to show your talents with an employer who appreciates the effort without prejudice.
walked into a room where my co-worker was referring to me (general conversation) and used my old name. I do try to allow for long term people having trouble, it still irks me though.
walking past a guy in the hallway and got a "How's it going bud?" Really, with my hair, outfit, and boobs pointing proud? I am not a 'BUD"
crappy feelings on an already crappy feelings day
Quote from: Faith on August 17, 2018, 01:26:16 PM
walked into a room where my co-worker was referring to me (general conversation) and used my old name. I do try to allow for long term people having trouble, it still irks me though.
walking past a guy in the hallway and got a "How's it going bud?" Really, with my hair, outfit, and boobs pointing proud? I am not a 'BUD"
crappy feelings on an already crappy feelings day
I hear you Faith. The same thing here. 2 of my co-workers call me by my new name but there's still 5 who call me by my old name. I can't be sure but I think one of them is just insecure about hurting my feelings and just doesn't call me anything. No name at all since I came out at work a month ago. It hasn't been that long yet, so I still have a lot of patience with them, even though it irks me too.
Hugs,
Donica.
Quote from: Faith on August 17, 2018, 01:26:16 PM
walked into a room where my co-worker was referring to me (general conversation) and used my old name. I do try to allow for long term people having trouble, it still irks me though.
walking past a guy in the hallway and got a "How's it going bud?" Really, with my hair, outfit, and boobs pointing proud? I am not a 'BUD"
crappy feelings on an already crappy feelings day
@Faith:
Dear Faith;
I know that this sounds trite, but we can not control how others act and we can not control what they say.... but we are in full control of how we react and how we feel about all of that.
The best thing you can do it to ignore what they are saying, and go confidently about your business... your self-control is important to how you exude self-confidence and self-assurance in your transitions journey.
Be strong, continue to be determined to reach your goals.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
I didn't really let it get to me, it did irk me and, admittedly, did dampen my mood a bit. I recovered.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 17, 2018, 04:35:46 PM
@Faith:
Dear Faith;
I know that this sounds trite, but we can not control how others act and we can not control what they say.... but we are in full control of how we react and how we feel about all of that.
The best thing you can do it to ignore what they are saying, and go confidently about your business... your self-control is important to how you exude self-confidence and self-assurance in your transitions journey.
Be strong, continue to be determined to reach your goals.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
I'm feeling the stress and pressure. And my mind is going to dark places I really do try to avoid.. But for some reason it's harder tonight.
I have to "come out" to my mom or at least be more direct and I guess because I'm going to be living with her it scares me. A lot. She can't kick me out or anything, but I really don't want a negative living space again. It'll really crush me I think...
Another thing is the pace of my transition. This is partly my fault, for not working/making money to afford what I need, but it still brings me down.
The 3rd thing is talking to guys. Or rather them talking or not talking to me. This has been happening for as long as I can remember since 6th grade, when a crush of mine toyed with my emotions and my mind... This went on to high school, college and now.. With multiple guys. I'm starting to think maybe it isn't because I'm trans and there's just something wrong with me. Maybe guys just see me as someone they can toy with and toss out? I have so many stories, so many times I'm used, and I don't mean just physically... But that too. It really stings and I know I need to avoid dating completely.
Sorry I'm probably really oversharing. But yeah.. That's how unhappy I am right now.
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@Allison SMy dear Allison: I am so very sorry to hear of your difficulties. Stress and pressure can really do a number on you and can affect you in every thing that you do. Much of that will go somewhat away when you finally settle with your mom... better sooner than later in my opinion.
Regarding your pace of transition, since I have been following you since early February I have seen amazing progress... but for any of us it is never as fast as we desire, plus we are our own worst critics and we seem to see imperfections that others don't even notice. It is about time that you see the beauty in yourself that all of us that follow you see.
Oh, and guys talking to you and possibly toying with you... I have had plenty of that as well. It made me realize that I had to be very selective about what guys I let into my "friend" circle... once I did that, problem mostly solved.
There will always be undesirable friends and would be suitors trying to get into your circle of trust, but you have to realize that you are the "gate-keeper" and you can let in or you can reject whomever you wish. Don't let any of them bully you, taunt you, or toy with your emotions or with you physically. Take a firm stand.
Hang in there
Allision, you are a beautiful person and I think that you are transitoning better that you think.
Hugs, and hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 18, 2018, 11:24:37 PM
@Allison S
My dear Allison:
I am so very sorry to hear of your difficulties. Stress and pressure can really do a number on you and can affect you in every thing that you do. Much of that will go somewhat away when you finally settle with your mom... better sooner than later in my opinion.
Yes, I plan on it Monday evening when I see her I think. My sister seems to be supportive and she will be there to hopefully have my back... If/when I need it... I hope.
And that's another thing.. I had a "friend" pull away from me over something I don't understand. I had done the same by distancing myself back in January... So I don't know, I'm sad to let the friendship go but it might be both our doing at this point. The difference is in January I tried talking to her and she told me I was blaming other people for my problems, which I never did. I was just venting some of my frustrations. Well the tables turned and recently she asked the group of people we're "friends" with for help with rent money and I think 2 of them agreed they would. Well she told me they never did and that she was upset at them (actally blaming her problems on others, but she does have a reason here.. I guess?). See I never asked or expected anything from anyone. I just questioned the same exact group of people's friendship and they honestly did prove me right in this situation with my friend (only because they promised her and went back on their word...). I let things go though or tried to but I'm realizing I give people too many chances. That's my fault...
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 18, 2018, 11:24:37 PM
@Allison S
Regarding your pace of transition, since I have been following you since early February I have seen amazing progress... but for any of us it is never as fast as we desire, plus we are our own worst critics and we seem to see imperfections that others don't even notice. It is about time that you see the beauty in yourself that all of us that follow you see.
Thank you again Danielle. Yes, some others did post nice replies to me earlier on this thread about talking with my mother. Otherwise people generally don't reply to my comments on here unless I had directly responded to or quoted them first. Luckily I have friends from this site that I talk to daily on whatsapp, but that's about it...
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 18, 2018, 11:24:37 PM
@Allison S
Oh, and guys talking to you and possibly toying with you... I have had plenty of that as well. It made me realize that I had to be very selective about what guys I let into my "friend" circle... once I did that, problem mostly solved.
There will always be undesirable friends and would be suitors trying to get into your circle of trust, but you have to realize that you are the "gate-keeper" and you can let in or you can reject whomever you wish. Don't let any of them bully you, taunt you, or toy with your emotions or with you physically. Take a firm stand.
I know you can somewhat relate on this. It's just growing up repressing my female identity for so long took a toll on me. I'm trying to understand what about me kept me in that cycle for a while. It was mostly when I was a teenager to my early 20s. I don't think the guys intended to hurt me... Now that I'm estrogen fueled and trying to move on, I feel a ressurgance of some sort of vengence feeling? It hurts me actually and I know it will keep doing that because if I hold on to bitterness.. Well it'll probably suck the life out of me.
Anyway, I don't want to take over this thread. I just didn't know where else to post and let this out. Thanks again for responding Dani. ☺
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snipped: Quote from: Allison S on August 19, 2018, 05:02:16 AM
Yes, I plan on it Monday evening when I see her I think. My sister seems to be supportive and she will be there to hopefully have my back... If/when I need it... I hope.
- - -- - - - - - -
And that's another thing.. I had a "friend" pull away from me over something I don't understand. I had done the same by distancing myself back in January...
- - - - - - - - -
I know you can somewhat relate on this. It's just growing up repressing my female identity for so long took a toll on me. I'm trying to understand what about me kept me in that cycle for a while. It was mostly when I was a teenager to my early 20s. I don't think the guys intended to hurt me... Now that I'm estrogen fueled and trying to move on, I feel a ressurgance of some sort of vengence feeling? It hurts me actually and I know it will keep doing that because if I hold on to bitterness.. Well it'll probably suck the life out of me.
- - - - - - - -
Anyway, I don't want to take over this thread. I just didn't know where else to post and let this out. Thanks again for responding Dani. ☺
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@Allison SDear Allison:Here are some brief comments to your your reply of which I only quoted salient snippets.
Oh, by all means, make very certain that your sister is nearby or even involved in the conversation with your mom...
.... safety in numbers as they say. I will be rooting for you that you have a positive talk with your mom.
Ahhhh, friends pulling away for varying reasons..... this is called life and happens to all of us, sometimes we are left wondering why and what did we do to cause this. Friends will come and go, but real and true friends will always be there for you through your good times and your bad times Talk to any older person, they many times can count their really best life long friends on one hand...
I am still saddened by my old friends that I had before I transitioned... none, I mean none, of them even talk to me any longer, won't return my texts or calls and have stated that they do not agree with nor do they accept my transition......... well, up where I live now I have an entirely new set of very close and good friends that only know me as Danielle, the woman that moved up here to start an accounting business.
And..... relating to guys... some will indeed try to hurt you (women too) .... vengeance is not a good response so just pull away, cross them off of your "circle of friends" list and move on to those that accept you and like you for who you are.
Your post is most welcome on this thread, and no, you are not taking it over, the things that you stated were right in line with the title of this thread... "What made you unhappy today? 7.0"
As you feel so led, you can certainly PM me as you have done in the past....
.... anytime for anything you want to discuss. I am always ready to lend a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.
Please take care of yourself, be positive about reaching your transition goals, and always knot that we are your biggest fans here on the forums.
Hugs, and more hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 19, 2018, 11:02:16 AM
snipped:
@Allison S
Dear Allison:
Here are some brief comments to your your reply of which I only quoted salient snippets.
Oh, by all means, make very certain that your sister is nearby or even involved in the conversation with your mom...
.... safety in numbers as they say. I will be rooting for you that you have a positive talk with your mom.
Ahhhh, friends pulling away for varying reasons..... this is called life and happens to all of us, sometimes we are left wondering why and what did we do to cause this. Friends will come and go, but real and true friends will always be there for you through your good times and your bad times Talk to any older person, they many times can count their really best life long friends on one hand...
I am still saddened by my old friends that I had before I transitioned... none, I mean none, of them even talk to me any longer, won't return my texts or calls and have stated that they do not agree with nor do they accept my transition......... well, up where I live now I have an entirely new set of very close and good friends that only know me as Danielle, the woman that moved up here to start an accounting business.
And..... relating to guys... some will indeed try to hurt you (women too) .... vengeance is not a good response so just pull away, cross them off of your "circle of friends" list and move on to those that accept you and like you for who you are.
Your post is most welcome on this thread, and no, you are not taking it over, the things that you stated were right in line with the title of this thread... "What made you unhappy today? 7.0"
As you feel so led, you can certainly PM me as you have done in the past....
.... anytime for anything you want to discuss. I am always ready to lend a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.
Please take care of yourself, be positive about reaching your transition goals, and always knot that we are your biggest fans here on the forums.
Hugs, and more hugs,
Danielle
Wow I see you can definitely relate... I do look up to you for picking up everything, moving and starting your business and life somewhere new. That takes a lot of courage and intelligence. Especially starting your own business. Danielle, like you say "wow-whie!" indeed!!
I'm glad other people's (nonsensical) actions haven't driven you to be a downer. At least not on here.. You do a good job of helping others, me especially, but I'm always here to listen too if you need.
I'll be honest I don't know what will help me yet. I'm just trying to manevuer and navigate as best as I can... I'm definitely functioning at the least of my capabilities.. Also, I think it just might be hrt but I'm not sure. It gives me a headache thinking about everything I have going on... I hope I can resolve things or at least try to.
I'll let you know when I talk to my mom, I think tomorrow evening when I see her.
[emoji173][emoji4]
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Liquid cucumber in the fridge!
I created the Southeastern Gambler 500 rally last year. This year, a professional photographer came along and took photos of every car during the hardest portion.... except for mine. I'm looking through his photos and I see the Jeep in front of me and the S-10 behind me, but nothing in between.
Okay, fine. That's one thing. But at one point during the rally itself, I was told to just go home. "Your truck won't make it through this part," they said. But the stock Honda Civic will? It was painfully clear that they didn't want me there anymore, and now... looking at these pictures, I can see that they just plain didn't want me the whole time.
I don't understand. I literally started the whole event. They wouldn't be there without me. Why don't they like me?
Quote from: 4A-GZE on August 21, 2018, 07:14:18 AM
I created the Southeastern Gambler 500 rally last year. This year, a professional photographer came along and took photos of every car during the hardest portion.... except for mine. I'm looking through his photos and I see the Jeep in front of me and the S-10 behind me, but nothing in between.
Okay, fine. That's one thing. But at one point during the rally itself, I was told to just go home. "Your truck won't make it through this part," they said. But the stock Honda Civic will? It was painfully clear that they didn't want me there anymore, and now... looking at these pictures, I can see that they just plain didn't want me the whole time.
I don't understand. I literally started the whole event. They wouldn't be there without me. Why don't they like me?
Oh no that's horrible. What is wrong with people?
Quote from: 4A-GZE on August 21, 2018, 07:14:18 AM
I created the Southeastern Gambler 500 rally last year. This year, a professional photographer came along and took photos of every car during the hardest portion.... except for mine. I'm looking through his photos and I see the Jeep in front of me and the S-10 behind me, but nothing in between.
Okay, fine. That's one thing. But at one point during the rally itself, I was told to just go home. "Your truck won't make it through this part," they said. But the stock Honda Civic will? It was painfully clear that they didn't want me there anymore, and now... looking at these pictures, I can see that they just plain didn't want me the whole time.
I don't understand. I literally started the whole event. They wouldn't be there without me. Why don't they like me?
I can't stand people like that and I know it hurts and it's hard to understand but they sound like a bunch of two faced something somethings that you're better off without
Well it wasn't today.. Yesterday a guy made a rude comment about me being trans. So now I'm prepping of how to dress tomorrow when I go to my dr appointment... I know I should be out and proud but I just wanna get to places and back with no issues, or rude looks and remarks. It's starting to get under my skin and I don't want to have go off on anyone..yet...
Here's the look I'm going for I guess. "Does it say leave me the f alone?" I hope so!!(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180822/be0216da62cdf00512b02769790c64ae.jpg)
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Quote from: Allison S on August 22, 2018, 08:25:04 AM
Well it wasn't today.. Yesterday a guy made a rude comment about me being trans. So now I'm prepping of how to dress tomorrow when I go to my dr appointment... I know I should be out and proud but I just wanna get to places and back with no issues, or rude looks and remarks. It's starting to get under my skin and I don't want to have go off on anyone..yet...
Here's the look I'm going for I guess. "Does it say leave me the f alone?" I hope so!!(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180822/be0216da62cdf00512b02769790c64ae.jpg)
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No, I'm sorry, it says, "I'm famous, but I don't want you to realize who I am". You'll be fine.
Except for the paparazzi.
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Quote from: Allison S on August 22, 2018, 08:25:04 AM
Well it wasn't today.. Yesterday a guy made a rude comment about me being trans. So now I'm prepping of how to dress tomorrow when I go to my dr appointment... I know I should be out and proud but I just wanna get to places and back with no issues, or rude looks and remarks. It's starting to get under my skin and I don't want to have go off on anyone..yet...
Here's the look I'm going for I guess. "Does it say leave me the f alone?" I hope so!!(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180822/be0216da62cdf00512b02769790c64ae.jpg)
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@Allison S My dear Allison:
Well wowzers, that outfit makes you look very femme and perhaps a little like your are trying to be incognito because you don't want to be easily recognized.
Please know that based on the photos I have seen of you with your natural hair, feminine face and other beautifully feminine body features.... I perhaps would suggest that you go the other way... and be out there as the beautiful young woman that you are becoming.
Who cares... you shouldn't care.... what some idiot rude stranger says to you. I would think that you should care more about what your like minded friends say about you instead.
So anyway, the outfit and look that you have chosen is beautiful and wonderful... all I am saying is that
you don't need to hide your body, your face, your hair or who you are.
I know that at your stage of your transition journey that this is a lot easier said that done... I went through the same issues when I was in my earlier stage of my own journey...
...so I well know of the emotions and possible fear involved.
Hugs and well wishes to you as always..
Danielle
Quote from: Dee Marshall on August 22, 2018, 01:14:55 PM
No, I'm sorry, it says, "I'm famous, but I don't want you to realize who I am". You'll be fine.
Except for the paparazzi.
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Aw thank you!! [emoji173]
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 22, 2018, 01:51:20 PM
@Allison S
My dear Allison:
Well wowzers, that outfit makes you look very femme and perhaps a little like your are trying to be incognito because you don't want to be easily recognized.
Please know that based on the photos I have seen of you with your natural hair, feminine face and other beautifully feminine body features.... I perhaps would suggest that you go the other way... and be out there as the beautiful young woman that you are becoming.
Who cares... you shouldn't care.... what some idiot rude stranger says to you. I would think that you should care more about what your like minded friends say about you instead.
So anyway, the outfit and look that you have chosen is beautiful and wonderful... all I am saying is that you don't need to hide your body, your face, your hair or who you are.
I know that at your stage of your transition journey that this is a lot easier said that done... I went through the same issues when I was in my earlier stage of my own journey...
...so I well know of the emotions and possible fear involved.
Hugs and well wishes to you as always..
Danielle
Thank you love [emoji173][emoji173] you and Dee helped lift me up yesterday for sure...
So I ended up having my sister straighten my hair... I'm out now wearing eyeliner, mascara, lip stick/gloss, short jean shorts, top and cardigan... No hat or sunglasses! But I did bring an umbrella for the rainy weather [emoji4] oh and of course my favorite bangles!! I carry those in my handbag always...lol
So far I haven't gotten weird looks I don't think... Maybe from a guy or two..
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I hate not having any friends. I spent most of today driving around to thrift stores and taking to someone on OkCupid. She's really nice, but one thing has been eating at me all day... at one point, she asked about my friends and I told her that I hardly have any around here because I just have trouble making them. She asked me if I had any guess as to why that is, and.... I don't know. I know my anxiety plays a big part, but there's something else for sure. That whole thing with the Gambler was really just... it's something I'm used to. One time, in college, some people from down the hall asked to borrow my roommate's TV to watch a movie. I asked them what they were watching, just to make small talk. "Nothing with you." That's it. That's what they told me. I barely knew them and they already hated me.
Another time, though, some of my friends put together a little party for my birthday and I broke down in tears. It was and still is the only time I've ever actually felt wanted. Then I had to leave school after that year because my mental health got really bad, and now they've all graduated anyway. We're still friends on Facebook, but that's it.
And hey, speaking of college.... I don't think I'll ever finish. I don't want to get into it right now though.... but have you ever seen the episode of The Wonder Years called Private Butthead? Where Wayne tries to join the army but fails the physical, and then when his dad comes to pick him up, he asks himself why he can't do anything right? I relate to that so much. I can't do anything either.
I just feel like such a failure. Nobody likes me, I can barely get by on my own, and I just have nowhere to turn.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on August 23, 2018, 07:56:26 PM
I hate not having any friends. I spent most of today driving around to thrift stores and taking to someone on OkCupid. She's really nice, but one thing has been eating at me all day... at one point, she asked about my friends and I told her that I hardly have any around here because I just have trouble making them. She asked me if I had any guess as to why that is, and.... I don't know. I know my anxiety plays a big part, but there's something else for sure. That whole thing with the Gambler was really just... it's something I'm used to. One time, in college, some people from down the hall asked to borrow my roommate's TV to watch a movie. I asked them what they were watching, just to make small talk. "Nothing with you." That's it. That's what they told me. I barely knew them and they already hated me.
Another time, though, some of my friends put together a little party for my birthday and I broke down in tears. It was and still is the only time I've ever actually felt wanted. Then I had to leave school after that year because my mental health got really bad, and now they've all graduated anyway. We're still friends on Facebook, but that's it.
And hey, speaking of college.... I don't think I'll ever finish. I don't want to get into it right now though.... but have you ever seen the episode of The Wonder Years called Private Butthead? Where Wayne tries to join the army but fails the physical, and then when his dad comes to pick him up, he asks himself why he can't do anything right? I relate to that so much. I can't do anything either.
I just feel like such a failure. Nobody likes me, I can barely get by on my own, and I just have nowhere to turn.
I have problems making friends myself. I know it sucks. I hid in my work for years, but that can only last for so long. I just accepted that I am kinda the loner type.
Mine is kinda the opposite though. People want to be my friend, but I push them away because I don't want hurt. That is what the therapist says. Who knows. I know one thing though. I want a snuggle buddy. You know my +1. Single sucks. :(
Someone pointed something out about my job and I'm kind of pissed now, actually.
When a job takes longer than two hours, we charge an extra $75/hr for labor. MY labor. But that money goes straight to management and I don't see a penny of it. I never really thought about it before, but that's some serious BS. My partner and I should split that money evenly, with little to none of it going to anyone else.
Also related to work, the guy that no one likes is here on his day off, and I got stuck with him. He hardly does any work himself, he is overly critical of everything I do, and he's the greediest person I've ever met. We're going to pick up some car parts at some point today, and I just know he's going to claim them all for himself even though I'm the one who likes cars and he knows it. He's stolen stuff from me before, too. I'd report him to management, but he's PART of management.
Usually I can find something redeeming about the people I dislike, but not him. He's just a scumbag.
Careless driver backed into my bike & warped the disc brake. He's admitted it & willing to pay but I'll be without transport waiting for it to be fixed
Quote from: 4A-GZE on August 29, 2018, 07:01:03 AM
Someone pointed something out about my job and I'm kind of pissed now, actually.
When a job takes longer than two hours, we charge an extra $75/hr for labor. MY labor. But that money goes straight to management and I don't see a penny of it. I never really thought about it before, but that's some serious BS. My partner and I should split that money evenly, with little to none of it going to anyone else.
Also related to work, the guy that no one likes is here on his day off, and I got stuck with him. He hardly does any work himself, he is overly critical of everything I do, and he's the greediest person I've ever met. We're going to pick up some car parts at some point today, and I just know he's going to claim them all for himself even though I'm the one who likes cars and he knows it. He's stolen stuff from me before, too. I'd report him to management, but he's PART of management.
Usually I can find something redeeming about the people I dislike, but not him. He's just a scumbag.
@4A-GZE I am so very sorry to hear of the job difficulties... not only with the employee that no one likes, but also with the management person that steals things.
All of those issues and more are why I am enjoying working for myself as a sole proprietor of my small business... no other employees to deal with so if I succeed or if fail, make money or don't make money, it is all on me... and that is the way I like it. During tax season in March and April I do have a part time person helping me but they are only here when I am here in my office.
I hope that your workday and job improves tomorrow.
Wishing you well,
Danielle
Gnarly toothache has been bothering on and off for a few months now :P That and the pathetically boring and judgmentally conditioned world at large
Quote from: V M on August 30, 2018, 10:21:34 PM
Gnarly toothache has been bothering on and off for a few months now :P That and the pathetically boring and judgmentally conditioned would at large
@V MThe tooth has been acting up for a few months now??? You really should get to a dentist to get a professional opinion. These things usually do not heal themselves and do not get better.... usually it will get worse and perhaps to the point that it will become infected and abscessed... a much more serious problem if not addressed previously....
Be assured.... it is all about "painless dentistry" .... yeah right! But you really should see your dentist before it gets much worse and possibly to the point of having to be pulled and losing the tooth.
I am wishing you well,
HUGS and HUGS,
Danielle
My second car is going to the junkyard today because nobody wanted to buy and fix it. I loved that car so much. I took it on road trips, raced it in SCCA rallycross events, did some questionable things inside it with my now-ex girlfriend, and so much more. I wanted to keep it until it died, but I expected to kill it. I didn't want the transmission to just go out on me. That's not the kind of death it deserves. It should have gone out in a blast of parts and fluids after landing a jump, or something like that. I wanted to be the one to kill it when I was ready. I wasn't ready.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on August 31, 2018, 10:27:53 AM
My second car is going to the junkyard today because nobody wanted to buy and fix it. I loved that car so much. I took it on road trips, raced it in SCCA rallycross events, did some questionable things inside it with my now-ex girlfriend, and so much more. I wanted to keep it until it died, but I expected to kill it. I didn't want the transmission to just go out on me. That's not the kind of death it deserves. It should have gone out in a blast of parts and fluids after landing a jump, or something like that. I wanted to be the one to kill it when I was ready. I wasn't ready.
I feel your pain, it's always hard when a loved one leaves us
Hi everyone! I guess I'm not really feeling too bad this morning. I mean, there isn't anything that I should do about it anyway or maybe it's bothering me so much that I'm not seeing the answer. I live in a gated retirement apartment building and everyone has been very excepting of my new self except for one very religious x-nun. She has been completely unaccepting and has even said that I should get a haircut because I'm not a women. I've been thinking she just needs time. It seems maybe a lot of time. We did have civil conversations whenever we meat in the common areas. After all, she is the community gossip headquarters. It's been over a month and the past few time in passing, she hasn't acknowledged my presence even after everyone else gives me very warm greetings. I know you just can't please everyone. This morning was no different but for some reason, her silence cut a bit deeper? I guess I'm just feeling a little more emotional this morning? What kills me is, in the past, we couldn't get her to shut up? In writing this, I realize I may be showing my own arrogance. Maybe I shouldn't make this about me and maybe she is going through her own troubling issues. I'm sorry for babbling on so much. I guess I just needed to write this out for my self. I will chalk this one up for another one of those mornings we all go through from time to time.
Thanks for listening!
Hugs,
Donica.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 30, 2018, 10:33:54 PM
@V M
The tooth has been acting up for a few months now??? You really should get to a dentist to get a professional opinion. These things usually do not heal themselves and do not get better.... usually it will get worse and perhaps to the point that it will become infected and abscessed... a much more serious problem if not addressed previously....
Be assured.... it is all about "painless dentistry" .... yeah right! But you really should see your dentist before it gets much worse and possibly to the point of having to be pulled and losing the tooth.
I am wishing you well,
HUGS and HUGS,
Danielle
Thank you Danielle
I am well aware that I need dental work done, unfortunately I am not able to afford it at this time
Hugs
Quote from: Donica on August 31, 2018, 02:15:03 PM
Hi everyone! I guess I'm not really feeling too bad this morning. I mean, there isn't anything that I should do about it anyway or maybe it's bothering me so much that I'm not seeing the answer. I live in a gated retirement apartment building and everyone has been very excepting of my new self except for one very religious x-nun. She has been completely unaccepting and has even said that I should get a haircut because I'm not a women. I've been thinking she just needs time. It seems maybe a lot of time. We did have civil conversations whenever we meat in the common areas. After all, she is the community gossip headquarters. It's been over a month and the past few time in passing, she hasn't acknowledged my presence even after everyone else gives me very warm greetings. I know you just can't please everyone. This morning was no different but for some reason, her silence cut a bit deeper? I guess I'm just feeling a little more emotional this morning? What kills me is, in the past, we couldn't get her to shut up? In writing this, I realize I may be showing my own arrogance. Maybe I shouldn't make this about me and maybe she is going through her own troubling issues. I'm sorry for babbling on so much. I guess I just needed to write this out for my self. I will chalk this one up for another one of those mornings we all go through from time to time.
Thanks for listening!
Hugs,
Donica.
@Donica Dear DonicaThank you for writing about your frustrations... I find that for me it is good personal self-therapy to write out my thoughts and ponder my difficult issues by writing about these things. You are doing the right thing by exploring all of this in writing and here on the forums with your like-minded friends...
Regarding the ONE person that does not accept you.... while everyone else in your gated community does accept you.... not really much you can do about it other than continue to be cordial and friendly with her.... that alone may impel her to start accepting you as the nice person that you try to be with her, or if not, you can rest assured that you were pleasant with her and that she will have to make her own decision good, or bad.
In my little town, I am just about unconditionally accepted except for just a handful of townspeople, I can not change their mind, but as I continue to be a responsible person acting respectfully and befriending most others, there is really nothing I can do to change their mind.... it is their choice, and as some of my good friends say, it is her loss.
Be persistent with being pleasant and nice with her, but you are not in control of how she treats you, ... you are however in control of how your feel about her and this situation..... Stay positive and be happy and pleased with the progress and acceptance that you have achieved.
Hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle
I need to vent and this is a safe place, so I'm sorry if I rant a little. Just >-bleeped-< that's bothering me.
In the last couple years I've moved across country and lost most of what I'd acquired over the years. Mostly selling things to pay bills and star alive.
By the end of last year I lost my partner of 7 year and my crappy job that kept us afloat. Barely. A couple months if scrapping and I now have a job I like and I'm treated well as well as a decent place to live.
That place though is with an 85 year old man.
I've slept with him a couple times out of sympathy but he is 85 so it's not like he can do anything.
Anyway, after all that setup I'll get to the point.
The lease is up in a month and his health has gone downhill rapidly recently. He also is an alcoholic and he has been feeling very depressed and suicidal. He won't accept help though.
I'm not sure that I want to pay my rent this month so I can possibly afford to move.
Good job but child support takes most of my money. But that's a whole nother story
I had a date last weekend at the apartment and just as I was finally going to get lucky, he crawls across the apartment because he fell and couldn't get up. He was in the hospital recently because of this and checked himself out! He blows off doctors visits and just doesn't give a >-bleeped-<. I wasn't meant to be his nurse but its become that way and I'm starting to resent it. And I feel like crap for feeling that way.
Somehow I also feel responsible for him.
However he is also pissing me off for other things.
Wednesday night at 4 am he comes creeping into my room and crawled in bed. I just rolled over and figured I'd let him sleep but then he wakes me up and wants to go to his room but he cant get up. I went and got his walker and helped him back to his room.
Last night he comes in around 6 and tells me the police came and crawled in my bed again. Same crap followed.
After work tonight I wasn't in a rush to get home, but I got a call from him saying he fell again. Came home and helped him up again.
Now I'm sitting on the patio and venting.
Thank you
Kitty
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@Kitty June It sounds like you 85 year old man may be reaching the point where he is no longer capable of caring for himself. If you aware of any relative who might be interested in his health status, it might be wise to notify them of his problems. The age that people need to have additional care can vary. Some people might need it by there 70's and some might get to 100 without it.
We had to go through this with a relative and the only way to get her the care she needed was to have a judge agree that it was needed. Fortunately for us, she behaved poorly in court so the judge's decision was simplified.
Dena,
His son and I tried to get him in the hospital but he refused then. I'm going to try and get in touch with him.
My roommate is somewhat estranged from the kids and they care as far as necessary I guess.
I keep trying to push him towards assisted living
Someone suggested that I call adult protective Services about him. They have ignored him before though so I don't know if it would help
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I had a date. It went pretty okay. I really, really liked her and I want to see her again.
But here's the thing... she's trans, too, and she's much further along than I am. I haven't even started hormones yet and she's over there with big boobs and no thick body hair and.... I just felt so invalid. The whole time, I was just wondering if I came out too soon... maybe things would have gone better if I had met her as a guy. I don't even know if she's into guys, but still. I just feel so sad right now because she's just so much better than I am.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on September 02, 2018, 06:33:55 PM
I had a date. It went pretty okay. I really, really liked her and I want to see her again.
But here's the thing... she's trans, too, and she's much further along than I am. I haven't even started hormones yet and she's over there with big boobs and no thick body hair and.... I just felt so invalid. The whole time, I was just wondering if I came out too soon... maybe things would have gone better if I had met her as a guy. I don't even know if she's into guys, but still. I just feel so sad right now because she's just so much better than I am.
She has also been where you are. Don't burst yourself up hun. We all know it's a process
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Stupid neighbors and their highschool level nonsense
The last conversation I had with my father is that I was done with my immature cowardly transphobic brother(didn't use those words) and to no longer intervene on my behalf as I want no more to do with him. My Father lost his temper at me over this...the poor guy is 77 years old and doesn't need this crap in his life....
My brother contacted me via email saying he will meet with me in a day or too. I am already done with him but it is clear from his reply my father has once again intervened. He is not going to let this go. I have agreed to attend the meeting but its not going to be pleasant in any way and I am already reconsidering if I will even go. This serves no purpose and I don't expect it to change anything just an opportunity to spew more lies and hate. If that is the case then I won't t be there very long.
This has been going on for 16 months and I suspect possible even before since before I came out but he has hidden it very well. I am so tired of it all...every time I think its over back he comes like a bad penny.
@LizK Dear Liz:I am so sorry to hear of your "family" difficulties.... because our family knows us best and knows what buttons to press, it's always the family that can cause us the most happiness,
or in this case that you mentioned the most distress and unhappiness.The old saying that always comes to my mind with when dealing with frustrating family issues is:
"If life doesn't deal you enough problems, you can always count on your own family"I wish I had words and suggestions for you to deal with all of this but I would not be speaking from experience. I also have my own unhappy family situations to deal with, and it is still ongoing without success.
Wishing you well, please stay as positive as you can.
Hugs and hugs
DanielleQuote from: LizK on September 02, 2018, 08:59:17 PM
The last conversation I had with my father is that I was done with my immature cowardly transphobic brother(didn't use those words) and to no longer intervene on my behalf as I want no more to do with him. My Father lost his temper at me over this...the poor guy is 77 years old and doesn't need this crap in his life....
My brother contacted me via email saying he will meet with me in a day or too. I am already done with him but it is clear from his reply my father has once again intervened. He is not going to let this go. I have agreed to attend the meeting but its not going to be pleasant in any way and I am already reconsidering if I will even go. This serves no purpose and I don't expect it to change anything just an opportunity to spew more lies and hate. If that is the case then I won't t be there very long.
This has been going on for 16 months and I suspect possible even before since before I came out but he has hidden it very well. I am so tired of it all...every time I think its over back he comes like a bad penny.
Made a new friend through SPART*A and it was great because she offered to help me with advice on voice and carrying myself more womanly (because I, like most of us, have lived our lives blending into male culture). It was great until I asked a simple question about her methods of voice training. It wasn't the question, but me using a thumbs up when I didn't have anything to add to the conversation and I wanted to make sure she knew I got the message. Apparently, thumb ups are a pet peeve of hers and I ticked her off. Then, mentioning that I'll refrain from hand gesture responses nearly made her bite my head off. I gave it a day then sent her some pics of my day. She seemed to be friendly again. Drama, I tell you. I was gonna cut her out of my life so quickly over some emotions I was having at the moment. Like she said, our bodies (hers and mine) are at 13-year-old girl level, in relation to hormones. It made me sad for so long until I distracted myself. I was feeling so deeply wounded by that interaction. Today was a better day, at least.
Quote from: Kitty June on September 02, 2018, 08:29:49 PM
She has also been where you are. Don't burst yourself up hun. We all know it's a process
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You're right. It just feels really weird. She's 3 years younger than I am, but it feels like I'm the one who's so far behind and inexperienced.
Not to mention, my anxiety completely ruined everything. I was so shy, awkward, and distant the whole time. I doubt she wants to see me again.
Depression coming back, reliving heart break and mourning my old life. I feel worthless and don't want to do anything.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on September 03, 2018, 08:39:12 AM
Depression coming back, reliving heart break and mourning my old life. I feel worthless and don't want to do anything.
Aww hon, here's a warm hug. Depression is devastating, I lived under a heavy cloud for years and that can cause thoughts about past and future to become really skewed. You have already accomplished so much, and I see awesome in your tomorrow.
I'm at work and I have to help clean out an apartment after the young tenant committed suicide. I've never had to deal with anything so traumatic first-hand like this. I don't know if I can handle it.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on September 04, 2018, 10:16:38 AM
I'm at work and I have to help clean out an apartment after the young tenant committed suicide. I've never had to deal with anything so traumatic first-hand like this. I don't know if I can handle it.
@4A-GZE For certain, that sort of thing can be very traumatic...
Some years ago I helped a good friend and his wife move into a house that they had bought.... the house was sold at a bargain reduced price because it was where a wife had murdered her husband with a knife a year earlier... it was cleaned up, new carpet and paint throughout but it was difficult to sell because of the past history.... but my friend and his wife put all of that out of their mind that best that they could.... the good news is that they got the house for about half of the market value... years later they doesn't even think about it.... it's a lovely home.
The only advice I have it to the job you have to do and move on to something more pleasant when you are done. Perhaps spending time on the forums??? !!! ???
Hugs,
Danielle
Fear... It's not fun or nice. I'm trying to be productive day to day but something is seriously holding me back. I don't know if it's the emotional changes from estrogen hitting me, if it's my body changing and having to learn to adjust (and dress) to it, needing to change my name and gender marker, coming out to more people that knew me "before" transitioning and maybe even new people... I'm behind on everything right now and not to mention I still feel exhausted. [emoji45]
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I called in sick today for a mental health break after yesterday's ordeal, so hopefully that helps.
But anyway, ugh, I'm feeling really discouraged right now for some reason. Like.... There's just so much stuff I have to do to take care of myself and I really don't know if I'm up to the task. I already struggle to force myself into the shower every day, for some reason. I'm just worried about adding electolysis appointments to my routine and other things that come with the territory of being trans. My depression and anxiety make it so hard to take care of myself already that I'm not sure I can handle any more responsibility.
I met with my brother yesterday about the state of our relationship and it was obvious from the start that there was never really going to be any resolution. It took me 3 hrs to get him to acknowledge that he would need to be the one to initiate the next contact as I have contacted him several times and several ways and he just plays his silly games of not responding. This was the tone for the entire conversation...I left it with him to initiate a conversation when he is ready and he assured me he would...yeah right!
I have since the conversation yesterday reconsidered my position, I had agreed to open a dialogue with him when he contacted me next. I thought about the conversation and what I realised is that any facts required to support his view of things he "Couldn't remember the details" or flat out denied what he had said. I can prove he is lying and has been but in order to do that I will have to tear him down before my parents. As appealing as that sounds it would only hurt them I won't do that so the best bet and the one that resonates with me is just to say and do nothing. Even if he does contact me I won't be returning emails or txt. If he had told some lies around the edge of the issue maybe I could forgive but when he lied about the most basic things he crossed that line.
It actually feels pretty cathartic...Meryl and I have agreed that after our conversation this morning we will not speak of him again. I have decided that for my own mental health it is better that I distance myself from all of them. I don't want any part of this....it is probably a uniquely LBGTQI+ experience to mourn the loss of family members who are still alive. So be it...such is life
Liz
@liz K
Dear Liz: In my own life and relationship with my family members, I absolutely feel your pain.
I am in such infrequent contact with my parents since I announced my transition plans more than 4 years ago... the is no acceptance from them whatsoever..
I am the one that has to, all the time, make the first contact, make the first phone call, ... and emails forget it, never a reply or first email from them.
My goal in dealing with them is to be persistent and continue trying to make contact, after-all, they are my family and they are my parents.... I still want to respect them and I feel that I owe them that.
I will have no regrets as I have always tried and will continue to try to make contact and make peace with them.
Again, I feel your pain.... best wishes to you.
Hugs,
DanielleQuote from: LizK on September 05, 2018, 04:35:17 PM
I met with my brother yesterday about the state of our relationship and it was obvious from the start that there was never really going to be any resolution. It took me 3 hrs to get him to acknowledge that he would need to be the one to initiate the next contact as I have contacted him several times and several ways and he just plays his silly games of not responding. This was the tone for the entire conversation...I left it with him to initiate a conversation when he is ready and he assured me he would...yeah right!
I have since the conversation yesterday reconsidered my position, I had agreed to open a dialogue with him when he contacted me next. I thought about the conversation and what I realised is that any facts required to support his view of things he "Couldn't remember the details" or flat out denied what he had said. I can prove he is lying and has been but in order to do that I will have to tear him down before my parents. As appealing as that sounds it would only hurt them I won't do that so the best bet and the one that resonates with me is just to say and do nothing. Even if he does contact me I won't be returning emails or txt. If he had told some lies around the edge of the issue maybe I could forgive but when he lied about the most basic things he crossed that line.
It actually feels pretty cathartic...Meryl and I have agreed that after our conversation this morning we will not speak of him again. I have decided that for my own mental health it is better that I distance myself from all of them. I don't want any part of this....it is probably a uniquely LBGTQI+ experience to mourn the loss of family members who are still alive. So be it...such is life
Liz
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 05, 2018, 05:03:36 PM
@liz K
My goal in dealing with them is to be persistent and continue trying to make contact, after-all, they are my family and they are my parents.... I still want to respect them and I feel that I owe them that.
I will have no regrets as I have always tried and will continue to try to make contact and make peace with them.
Again, I feel your pain.... best wishes to you.
Hugs,
Danielle
Danielle I really respect your ability to hang in there with them. I guess I am sick of being hurt by my parents...when the perpetrators play the victim its pretty hard to move forward but I commend you for hanging in there with your family.
When my father decided to choose a side to be on is when I stopped respecting him...he probably see's it different but heck why would you let facts get in the way of a good story.
Families are complicated and I think its time I bowed out and left them to get on with their lives...they don't want to have any part of my life so I think I will oblige them...this is the last time I am going to speak of my brother at all. I do love my Father but him taking sides in this was not cool...he and my brother are very much alike.
I hope all your effort to hang in there works out for you. It takes something special to be able to hang in there as you have...people don't have to say anything to be hurtful, sometimes silence is enough to do it.
Liz
Liz,
Hugs and respect, you a a fantastic woman and deserve better from them.
Nicole
Last nights 4 hour electrolysis session has left a unusual draining pour on my chin. It's been draining all day today? It's just one or two pours? not sure what to think of it. Any thoughts?
Donica.
I shouldn't have called off from work. I ended up doing it a second time last week, too, and I feel myself slipping back into a very dark place. I failed my first and only year of college because of this. I was fine at first, but I got to a point where everything became so incredibly overwhelming and I just shut down. I stopped going to class. I stopped talking to my friends. I stopped brushing my teeth. I just stopped trying.
I feel like that's happening all over again, only now it could cost me my job and, by extension, my car and my apartment.
I just don't know what's wrong with me.
I'm going to start calling Sunday "Cyber Attack Sunday" because that's when most of them happen :P Today's was a bit unique from the usual kind that pop up
Anyway, did a hard shut down and restart and that seemed to get rid of it - Sometimes this world can be such a pain in the something something LOL
My coworker stole money from me. Again.
The customer handed him our tip. It was a wad of cash with a strip of green in the middle. Obviously at least one $20 bill, surrounded by some amount of ones and/or other denominations. He went behind the truck, stayed there suspiciously long, then came back around and handed me $10, keeping ten for himself. But that strip of green was, without a doubt, a twenty- there was at least $40 in that bundle, and he only gave me ten. It's less of a huge deal than the time he gave me $5 out of $100, but my god I'm mad. I just wish I could bring myself to do something about it.
God, I spend way too much time in this thread, but everything sucks so whatever.
I really don't even know exactly what's wrong this time. I'm just sad. My ex, with whom I'm going to a festival next month, doesn't seem interested in hanging out beforehand and I'm really dying to reconnect with her. The few people I've been talking to between OkCupid and Tinder also just seem rather disinterested. Maybe it's just that I'm really needy, but it seems unfair that other people are able to have friends. I put myself out there as much as I can, and then I spend every night alone while the people I care about go out with other people and never consider inviting me.
I don't usually have call to post in this thread, but today I found out that, after a year of waiting to see a shrink, it will be at least another year before I will get an appointment date. It is for my second referral letter for GRS.
On the one hand, I have been waiting for this for 63 years, so what's another couple of years? But I am not getting any younger, and each year that passes brings the grim reaper a year closer.
I want this transition to be over. Wa-a-a-a-ahhhh!!! [/tantrum]
Quote from: KathyLauren on September 11, 2018, 02:09:03 PM
I don't usually have call to post in this thread, but today I found out that, after a year of waiting to see a shrink, it will be at least another year before I will get an appointment date. It is for my second referral letter for GRS.
On the one hand, I have been waiting for this for 63 years, so what's another couple of years? But I am not getting any younger, and each year that passes brings the grim reaper a year closer.
I want this transition to be over. Wa-a-a-a-ahhhh!!! [/tantrum]
@KathyLauren Dear Kathy: What... no shrinks available anywhere within reasonable driving distance can see you for a YEAR??? I know that you live in a rural area much as I do, where I live there is a small clinic staffed by a Nurse one GP Doctor .... and no Psychiatrists anywhere near.
The situation that you described certainly does indeed warrant posting here on the "Unhappy" thread.,..
I am sincerely hoping, as you most certainly are, that you can find a way to get through the "shrink" hurtle and get an appointment sooner than in a year...
The good news that you should be happy about is that you are passing very well and are filling out your clothes nicely... and your face and appearance are
indisputably female.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 11, 2018, 03:09:29 PMWhat... no shrinks available anywhere within reasonable driving distance can see you for a YEAR???
My doctor picked this one because she had the shortest waiting list. She would be a 3.5-hour drive each way. Argh!
Quote
The good news that you should be happy about is that you are passing very well and are filling out your clothes nicely... and your face and appearance are indisputably female.
Thank you for saying that, Danielle! I am starting to believe the passing part, surprising as that is. When my hairline is hidden, I can't see a guy in the mirror any more. As for filling out the clothes, ... hmmm ... I do fill out the midriff area all too well. Not so much the boobs. Still working on both.
Thanks for making me smile. :)
Quote from: KathyLauren on September 11, 2018, 02:09:03 PM
I don't usually have call to post in this thread, but today I found out that, after a year of waiting to see a shrink, it will be at least another year before I will get an appointment date. It is for my second referral letter for GRS.
On the one hand, I have been waiting for this for 63 years, so what's another couple of years? But I am not getting any younger, and each year that passes brings the grim reaper a year closer.
I want this transition to be over. Wa-a-a-a-ahhhh!!! [/tantrum]
Sweetie, you still have a huge portion of your life in front of you.
I've been watching you on the forums, for a while now. Not in a creepy stalker kind of way. But I pay attention to people, and who they are. I get feelings from people. Not so much what they say, but how they are, you know? How people conduct themselves, and the tone of the things they say to others. It tells me a lot about who someone is on the inside. Regardless of what's going on outside.
In your case... I would venture that your transition is already over, and has been for quite some time. The rest... is just a formality. Who you are, and how you are... is very clear to me. It comes across in everything you do and say. Now you just need to hang on a bit for the fleshy stuff to catch up. :) But it will.
*big hugs*
I was told by my sister that I looked better as a male before starting hrt. She says she seems me as inbetween male and female now. I guess that's good and bad but it just got to my head like I guess I am right for thinking that I look like a freak...
My mom has been a pain the behind... She was asking me if I was sexually abused as a kid, if I ever had sex with a woman, well specifically if I penetrated a vagina... It made me very uncomfortable. She thinks a man is a penis and a woman is a vagina. She also thinks a person with a penis apparently needs to use it. She was surprised I hadn't slept with my friends... I was grossed out to say the least.
I'm trying to come to terms about transitioning taking away privacy I've always had. I understand my family is going to ask the most intrusive questions, but honestly it's much deeper than anything I can get into on here... It's super weird.
None of what she asked me was relevant. I'm trans... Because I'm trans.
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Quote from: Allison S on September 11, 2018, 06:45:38 PM
I was told by my sister that I looked better as a male before starting hrt. She says she seems me as inbetween male and female now. I guess that's good and bad but it just got to my head like I guess I am right for thinking that I look like a freak...
My mom has been a pain the behind... She was asking me if I was sexually abused as a kid, if I ever had sex with a woman, well specifically if I penetrated a vagina... It made me very uncomfortable. She thinks a man is a penis and a woman is a vagina. She also thinks a person with a penis apparently needs to use it. She was surprised I hadn't slept with my friends... I was grossed out to say the least.
I'm trying to come to terms about transitioning taking away privacy I've always had. I understand my family is going to ask the most intrusive questions, but honestly it's much deeper than anything I can get into on here... It's super weird.
None of what she asked me was relevant. I'm trans... Because I'm trans.
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Transition is like a free pass to ask all of their weirdest questions in their mind
I get this too. D:
My partner at work today was watching weird transphobic videos in the truck, and he was one of the ones I was LEAST afraid of coming out to.
I need a new job, but I don't know what I can even do. It's so stressful that I'm actually struggling to breathe correctly.
Quote from: Ann W on September 15, 2018, 01:03:03 AM
It didn't exactly make me unhappy, but it did take me aback. I was shopping with a friend and ally, a cis woman I work with, and we were going to a known destination but taking a way I rarely drive. I ended up in the wrong lane, and she started giving me directions. Let me rephrase that: she started giving me directions. We haven't really known each other that long, so I took the opportunity to tell her I have a very difficult time with "back seat driving." Her response was to tell me, "Don't act like a man," or words to that effect.
For some people, that comment would have been a game-changer. As it was, I just replied, "But I can act like me." And that was the end of it. Some time later, we were in the store together and I made reference to her comment, jokingly telling her, "That was really cold." She got very embarrassed and tried to save face, but it was pointless. Anyway, I'm not letting it bother me, because I see it as her issues that caused it; she was just being defensive for some reason. But I think it could bother me, if I let it.
On a related subject: I've been noticing recently that when people react to my appearance (presenting female, not passing), it has started to seem weird to me. I feel perfectly normal. What's wrong with them? :)
I honestly can't see why you didn't just here her out with the directions especially when you didn't know the area very well. Maybe she did? Why else would she start giving directions, she must have felt she knew the area well enough no?
I really don't get why you had to tell her how
you have such a difficult time being a back seat driver. If you are lost you are lost and that's it. You kinda have to take directions from someone or something no?
Quote from: Rachel_Christina on September 15, 2018, 04:00:46 AM
I honestly can't see why you didn't just here her out with the directions especially when you didn't know the area very well. Maybe she did? Why else would she start giving directions, she must have felt she knew the area well enough no?
I really don't get why you had to tell her how
you have such a difficult time being a back seat driver. If you are lost you are lost and that's it. You kinda have to take directions from someone or something no?
Thank you, Rachel_Christina. You've opened my eyes, but not about what you think.
I just feel scammed and fooled by incidents and people in my past... I don't know. It's a funny realization to look back at another life as a trans person... It was mine, but it was really a performance of convenience. Or so I thought.
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Quote from: Ann W on September 15, 2018, 05:07:57 AM
Thank you, Rachel_Christina. You've opened my eyes, but not about what you think.
Haha ok, I what way where your eyes opened?
I had a slight panic attack today. I saw a sign for a record show and decided to stop in, but I couldn't find the entrance. I just saw the back doors and didn't know where I was supposed to go in. Turns out I was supposed to enter through the hotel next door, but my god was that stressful to figure out. I don't even know why. I was just sitting in my car almost in tears because I felt so lost and confused.
Well it was me making myself unhappy. On Friday Our explorer died on my wife at her work. So that evening She thought it was the Alternator. SO I go to work and pick up one. Change it out. cranks but won't fire. Not the Alt. So I figure the fuel pump. Having owned 7 other explorers I know a few tricks. Sat We went out again. BTW She works at a rural school 20 miles from town. I proceed to cut access holes in the floor. First not eve close. Second was a score. The I found out my fuel line release tool isn't the correct size. We call it a day.
Al the time something is bugging me the theft light flashes fast when the key is turned. I have converted it from a chipped key to a regular key and taped the chip need the receiver. So Sunday I had to work all day. SO this morning I got up and drove out with the wife.
I start working on getting the fuel line off. being a PITA. I thought let me just retape the chip and see. less than 10 min later it is running. I guess I was a darn idiot.
Kymmie
... I don't know. Today's not my day. I'm spooked. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy but having a bit of a reality shock.
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Quote from: Allison S on September 17, 2018, 12:43:01 PM
... I don't know. Today's not my day. I'm spooked. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy but having a bit of a reality shock.
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@Allison S Dear Allison:I get reality shocks from time to time but I don't let myself get "spooked" very often.... I instead move on with my day and o to my plans with all of the confidence that I can muster.
I have gone way too far to be unhappy about my situation... no going back now... past the point of no return.
It is still early in the day, plenty of time for things to get better for you.... coffee and chocolate help me a lot as well as spending time with my accepting friends doing something we enjoy.... gym? walks? eating? etc.
Hugs and I am trusting that your day gets better.
Danielle
I had an extra pillow in the closet and today I found it covered in mold. Now I'm terrified that it might spread to my clothes and stuff. Obviously I threw the pillow away, but it looks like it's been that way for a while.
I chipped a tooth yesterday. Fun.
The air conditioner for the house stopped working. Turns out there's a hole in the evaporator coil because the jerks who designed this thing set it up for failure. When steel and copper touch each other there's a reaction that makes the steel rust. It's why you never mix steel and copper pipes in a house.
So thanks to this, the manufacturer ensured that the coil on this system would literally crumble after about 15 years of service, which mine just did.
I hope everyone who works planned obsolescence into things breaks their toe today.
A random guy at the hospital said I look like Joe Perry. I looked who that was up and he's a guitarist for Aerosmith.
Well, he's very talented but I felt insulted still. It might have been my hair since I was at the hospital and didn't have time to brush it or do anything with it... But I'm also thinking if it's my facial features like my prominent brow ridge, nose, and chin/jaw.
It was pretty upsetting..
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180921/e78f53fb58d2ec1c293d371d6092a187.jpg)
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I just found out a long time friend of 40+ years has unfriended me on FB. I can't believe someone that has been through all the things that we have been through can just through it away because I came out. When I first came out, I called this person to make it official. He had already seen my new profile picture on FB. The first thing he said was "You make one ugly girl". About a month later he sent me a text. It read "I have to get counseling because of you! (Thanks F&%$er)". That was the last time we've talked.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on September 20, 2018, 08:00:40 AM
I chipped a tooth yesterday. Fun.
I hope that the tooth that you chipped is one of those that you were going to get a crown on? ???
Quote from: Donica on September 21, 2018, 01:32:22 PM
I just found out a long time friend of 40+ years has unfriended me on FB. I can't believe someone that has been through all the things that we have been through can just through it away because I came out. When I first came out, I called this person to make it official. He had already seen my new profile picture on FB. The first thing he said was "You make one ugly girl". About a month later he sent me a text. It read "I have to get counseling because of you! (Thanks F&%$er)". That was the last time we've talked.
@Donica Dear Donica:WOW, that certainly was an ugly thing to have happen to you.... so much for long time 40+ year friendships.
Why on earth did they have to say those hurtful things... they could have just unfriended you and then avoid any further contact... but they wanted to hurt you with words.
Hey, the good news is that you have lots and lots of very good and like minded friends here on the Forums !!!!
Hugs and well wishes.
Danielle
Quote from: Allison S on September 21, 2018, 01:07:56 PM
A random guy at the hospital said I look like Joe Perry. I looked who that was up and he's a guitarist for Aerosmith.
Well, he's very talented but I felt insulted still. It might have been my hair since I was at the hospital and didn't have time to brush it or do anything with it... But I'm also thinking if it's my facial features like my prominent brow ridge, nose, and chin/jaw.
It was pretty upsetting..
.... snipped photo...
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@Allison S:
Dear Allison:Absolutely you
DO NOT HAVE predominately male appearing facial features.
Forget about the brow ridge, I never even noticed it in the "face" pictures that I have seen of you.
I think that you look amazing.... don't let some random nobody make you feel badly about your transition journey and feel badly about yourself.
You shouldn't care about unkind comments from people that do not know you and do not care about you.... and you don't know them enough to even care what they say....
I know that this is easier said than done, but please,
ignore the ignorant.I am so sorry that you have experienced this rude and unkind behavior.
Most of us here on the Forums personally know what that is like.
Hugs and hugs ... and wishing you well,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 21, 2018, 01:48:36 PM
@Allison S:
Dear Allison:
Absolutely you DO NOT HAVE predominately male appearing facial features.
Forget about the brow ridge, I never even noticed it in the "face" pictures that I have seen of you.
I think that you look amazing.... don't let some random nobody make you feel badly about your transition journey and feel badly about yourself.
You shouldn't care about unkind comments from people that do not know you and do not care about you.... and you don't know them enough to even care what they say....
I know that this is easier said than done, but please, ignore the ignorant.
I am so sorry that you have experienced this rude and unkind behavior.
Most of us here on the Forums personally know what that is like.
Hugs and hugs ... and wishing you well,
Danielle
Thanks Danielle
The funny part is I didn't even look like him before hrt? I don't know lol
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Found out the notes from my last assessment, the one I complained about, have been forwarded to my GP in spite of my request that this assessment be ignored.
Sometimes I really wonder if the services are trying to help or irritate my anxiety to the point of complete frigging breakdown.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 21, 2018, 01:34:48 PM
I hope that the tooth that you chipped is one of those that you were going to get a crown on? ???
Unfortunately, I don't need any crowns regardless. Fortunately, it's not bad enough to worry about fixing. I actually kind of like it, to be honest. I can tell people I got it in a fight.
Anyway, today has just been one of those days where I'm not happy and I don't know why.
One thing that I'm sure of, though, is that I'm falling back in love with my first girlfriend and I'm pretty certain that she doesn't feel the same way. We're friends now and I don't want to risk making things awkward, so I guess I just won't tell her.
I have a fairly noticeable scar on my thumb and when people ask how I got it I just say I put myself through college by cage fighting. Oh the looks I get. ;D
Cockroaches are living in my modem. I've already caught 3 within feet of it, and a fourth escaped.
Supposed to get my letter for HRT today, didn't. Can't get anyone at the only planned parenthood anywhere close to me to offer transgender care to answer my phone calls... so ya, I'm not sure I'm going to make it much longer without estrogen in my blood.
Quote from: Sarah1979 on September 25, 2018, 10:59:54 AM
Supposed to get my letter for HRT today, didn't. Can't get anyone at the only planned parenthood anywhere close to me to offer transgender care to answer my phone calls... so ya, I'm not sure I'm going to make it much longer without estrogen in my blood.
I'm sorry that you're going through that.
I never called to talk to them directly, I simply made an appointment for transgender services and showed up.
At this center, you can't just make an appointment for a new patient, you have to talk to the director to make one, she won't answer the phone or return my calls.
I was repeatedly misgendered at the dentist's office when I went in for my semiannual cleaning.
To their credit, they did accept a correction graciously, but, well...
Good grief!(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180925/7d3e64292dc429401538ed9be2f0a746.jpg)
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 01:38:04 PM
I was repeatedly misgendered at the dentist's office when I went in for my semiannual cleaning.
To their credit, they did accept a correction graciously, but, well...
Good grief!(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180925/7d3e64292dc429401538ed9be2f0a746.jpg)
It had to be because of previous contact, right? I mean, nobody else would get it wrong now!
Stephanie
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 01:38:04 PM
I was repeatedly misgendered at the dentist's office when I went in for my semiannual cleaning.
To their credit, they did accept a correction graciously, but, well...
Good grief!(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180925/7d3e64292dc429401538ed9be2f0a746.jpg)
@Michelle_P Dear MichelleI am so sorry that has happened to you... well it probably was not the first time that you were mis-gendered in your transition journey, but hopefully it will be the last time.
For sure, I know from personal experience that it is indeed heartbreaking to here those wrong pronouns when we are addressed, especially considering how far along you are in your transition journey and all that you have endured to get to where you are now.
Might I suggest that you find a Dental Hygienist like my
Suitor #4 ... even right after my (it was my very first visit) Dentist and her had suspicions that I was born a male based on my dental exam, she never has once ever mis-gendered me.... and to my elation, even in our alone times together.... [emoji173]
.... but I am most certain that
@Laurie would not be very fond of you having a Dentist or Dental Hygienist Suitor.
I am glad that you straightened out their records and gave them a good "talking-to" .... and now when going there it should all be happy times being gendered correctly. I would imagine that there records have all kinds of sticky notes on them about you now!!! LOL
Might I suggest that you find some chocolate and perhaps an adult beverage to sooth your emotional upset!!
HUGS and best wishes as always,
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 01:38:04 PM
I was repeatedly misgendered at the dentist's office when I went in for my semiannual cleaning.
To their credit, they did accept a correction graciously, but, well...
Good grief!
Everyone knows that girls don't get into street fights!
seriously, I don't get it either. Had to be mistaken stupidity due to previous knowledge. Anything else is inexcusable.
Their records were supposedly corrected years ago. The dental hygienist had not worked on me before to my best recollection. I have no idea what they thought of 'him' lying in the chair in an H&M dress, hose, black flats, with light makeup and hair styled.
I am looking for LGBTQ friendly dentists in my area now. I am willing to bet after raising this issue politely in an online review that I will be 'fired' as a patient.
Quote
Good dental care, but...
I'm Michelle, an out member of the LGBTQ community. I've been going to ***** Family Dentistry a couple years now, and have had fillings replaced, and even a new crown fabricated and installed in one morning! The dental care has always been very good, for myself and my children while they were growing up.
Unfortunately, today I was repeatedly misgendered while in for a routine checkup and cleaning. To their credit, they did accept my polite correction graciously, once could speak. That is a positive. Unfortunately, to my trans brothers and sisters, the impact from being misgendered is far greater than the accidental and unintentional action would appear, and telling a trans person to "get a thicker skin" or similar really isn't helpful. (I cover this in my training classes on LGBTQ issues.)
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 02:40:35 PM
Their records were supposedly corrected years ago. The dental hygienist had not worked on me before to my best recollection. I have no idea what they thought of 'him' lying in the chair in an H&M dress, hose, black flats, with light makeup and hair styled.
I am looking for LGBTQ friendly dentists in my area now. I am willing to bet after raising this issue politely in an online review that I will be 'fired' as a patient.
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:Fortunately I have a very good and trans-friendly Dentist here in my town and he has a wonderful and most friendly Dental Hygienist as you are aware of from reading my thread. ... I am glad for that because he and the hygienist are the only dental professionals in my town.... and of course his Hygienist has become my suitor #4 [emoji173]
Hmm, if you think that they are going "fire you as a patient" ... if you do go back there, pray when he has a needle or drill in his hand as it approaches your mouth!!! :o
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 25, 2018, 02:58:30 PM
...
Hmm, if you think that they are going "fire you as a patient" ... if you do go back there, pray when he has a needle or drill in his hand as it approaches your mouth!!! :o
Hugs,
Danielle
As Jessica will attest, I generally don't bother going back to businesses that cannot be bothered to get my pronouns right in exchange for my money. I do not know what was going through that hygenist's head, but I was very nervous about letting her near my mouth with those tools after correcting her.
I am looking for LGBTQ-friendly dentists in my area for my next cleaning.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 01:38:04 PM
I'm sorry you were misgendered. It's an awful feeling, I know because it happens to me as it does to most of us... Have you considered fat grafting to your cheeks, temples and upper lip? Also fillers/botox?
Sorry if my asking is intrusive, but the more feminine ones appearance the less likely people are going to misgender. Even if they know/suspect that you're trans, they'll be a bit reluctant to misgender that person.
I may be completely off the mark though...
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Quote from: Allison S on September 25, 2018, 07:12:19 PM
I'm sorry you were misgendered. It's an awful feeling, I know because it happens to me as it does to most of us... Have you considered fat grafting to your cheeks, temples and upper lip? Also fillers/botox?
Sorry if my asking is intrusive, but the more feminine ones appearance the less likely people are going to misgender. Even if they know/suspect that you're trans, they'll be a bit reluctant to misgender that person.
I may be completely off the mark though...
I'll be 65 in a few weeks. I don't have much fat, and with the success rate at my age, I don't think I will waste the money. I may try fillers once the swelling from FFS passes in a few more months.
I'm getting pretty tired of pushing back against the jerks of the world. It might be safest (for them) if I just disappear.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 08:31:24 PM
I'll be 65 in a few weeks. I don't have much fat, and with the success rate at my age, I don't think I will waste the money. I may try fillers once the swelling from FFS passes in a few more months.
I'm getting pretty tired of pushing back against the jerks of the world. It might be safest (for them) if I just disappear.
Disappear? I have a vacant half bed in Oregon.....
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 08:31:24 PM
I'll be 65 in a few weeks. I don't have much fat, and with the success rate at my age, I don't think I will waste the money. I may try fillers once the swelling from FFS passes in a few more months.
I'm getting pretty tired of pushing back against the jerks of the world. It might be safest (for them) if I just disappear.
Michelle, I know you're only projecting (I hope) but please don't disappear, not even from the jerks. Stay in their peripheral and annoy the crap out of them without saying a word.
If pushing back is getting to you, stop pushing (except to push the ignore button). At some point enough is enough and it's time to just live. You have a wonderful, albeit annoying, partner to share the future with. I would grumble about a half-bed ..
@Laurie a
HALF bed, really? sheesh.
Quote from: Sephirah on September 11, 2018, 04:50:23 PM
In your case... I would venture that your transition is already over, and has been for quite some time. The rest... is just a formality. Who you are, and how you are... is very clear to me. It comes across in everything you do and say. Now you just need to hang on a bit for the fleshy stuff to catch up. :) But it will.
*big hugs*
Thanks, Sephira. You are right, of course. (You usually are.) I do feel like my transition happened the day I went full-time. There is still a coat or two of paint to apply before the job is finished, though.
Apparently, being the squeaky wheel helped. The psychiatrist's office just called with a cancellation for next week, asking if I wanted it. Silly question!! Squeeee!
I agree with you Michelle. Putting up with all the jerks in the world is very disappointing but I wouldn't disappear. I mean who else is going to educate the idiots in this world? If we don't, they'll just wander through their pointless insignificant lives forever doomed, spreading more and more of their own ignorance. I can't imagine the ignorant even wanting to live like that. Well, maybe the stupid, but not the ignorant.
What made me unhappy today? Reading the recent post by
@davina61 and finding out that she was physically assaulted, thrown to the ground and hit in the face at her work....
.. the manager that did this is no longer, but the pain and discomfort that Davina has is still in the healing stage.
You are loved and cared for my friend.... heal quick, physically and mentally.
Hugs and hugs [emoji173]
Danielle
Everything with my roommate came to a horrible end. I was rejected, put down and even ridiculed for being trans... Oh and apparently owing rent money (I don't owe rent). I received an email from the guy that rented me a room in my last apartment. He said I owe rent money and that I probably used it to pay for "breast implants and transgender surgeries"... All false.
He also said my parents are ashamed and embarrassed that I'm their "son". He said that I'm a "disgusting man" and wished me a "horrible death".
He even accused me of disturbing my roommates by bringing strangers to have sex with... Which I never did.
I had only met him once or twice. I was shocked to read all this and I'm so disappointed because his friend (one of my roommates) clearly told him things about me. Well, maybe I'm not very surprised. I was foolish... But I don't think I deserved that [emoji20]
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
Quote from: Allison S on September 29, 2018, 03:14:36 PM
Everything with my roommate came to a horrible end. I was rejected, put down and even ridiculed for being trans... Oh and apparently owing rent money (I don't owe rent). I received an email from the guy that rented me a room in my last apartment. He said I owe rent money and that I probably used it to pay for "breast implants and transgender surgeries"... All false.
He also said my parents are ashamed and embarrassed that I'm their "son". He said that I'm a "disgusting man" and wished me a "horrible death".
He even accused me of disturbing my roommates by bringing strangers to have sex with... Which I never did.
I had only met him once or twice. I was shocked to read all this and I'm so disappointed because his friend (one of my roommates) clearly told him things about me. Well, maybe I'm not very surprised. I was foolish... But I don't think I deserved that [emoji20]
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WTF?!! I'm sorry you're going through that. Totally messed up.
I've posted about it like 3 times already, but I am fully emotionally invested in my ex girlfriend again, and I'm terrified that it will ruin our friendship. I think I'm going to tell some of our mutual friends about this and see what they say, but for now it's just ridiculously painful.
Quote from: Allison S on September 29, 2018, 03:14:36 PM
Everything with my roommate came to a horrible end. I was rejected, put down and even ridiculed for being trans... Oh and apparently owing rent money (I don't owe rent). I received an email from the guy that rented me a room in my last apartment. He said I owe rent money and that I probably used it to pay for "breast implants and transgender surgeries"... All false.
He also said my parents are ashamed and embarrassed that I'm their "son". He said that I'm a "disgusting man" and wished me a "horrible death".
He even accused me of disturbing my roommates by bringing strangers to have sex with... Which I never did.
I had only met him once or twice. I was shocked to read all this and I'm so disappointed because his friend (one of my roommates) clearly told him things about me. Well, maybe I'm not very surprised. I was foolish... But I don't think I deserved that [emoji20]
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
Allison,
That sounds awful. Why are some people like that?
Sorry that you had to experience this.
Chrissy
Quote from: Allison S on September 29, 2018, 03:14:36 PM
Everything with my roommate came to a horrible end. I was rejected, put down and even ridiculed for being trans... Oh and apparently owing rent money (I don't owe rent). I received an email from the guy that rented me a room in my last apartment. He said I owe rent money and that I probably used it to pay for "breast implants and transgender surgeries"... All false.
He also said my parents are ashamed and embarrassed that I'm their "son". He said that I'm a "disgusting man" and wished me a "horrible death".
He even accused me of disturbing my roommates by bringing strangers to have sex with... Which I never did.
I had only met him once or twice. I was shocked to read all this and I'm so disappointed because his friend (one of my roommates) clearly told him things about me. Well, maybe I'm not very surprised. I was foolish... But I don't think I deserved that [emoji20]
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
There's a special place in hell for people like that >:-)
Quote from: V M on September 29, 2018, 08:45:58 PM
There's a special place in hell for people like that >:-)
I agree! That special Hell's place is getting mighty full. Wouldn't it be fun to push their KICK ME button over and over again.
Quote from: SiobhánF on September 29, 2018, 03:43:00 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 29, 2018, 07:41:04 PM
Quote from: V M on September 29, 2018, 08:45:58 PM
Quote from: Donica on September 30, 2018, 10:48:14 AM
Thanks all..I'm not sure what made him think those things in the first place let alone send an email like that.
I've gathered that he must be going through a very very low point. That doesn't excuse his disgusting and false thoughts at all, but it does give me a bit of an explanation... I think.
His email just made me realize... I really can't tolerate nonsense like that because it'll drag me down. I have my issues, but none of what he mentioned and I won't let him mess with my thinking and ambitions in life... I mean there's no way he ever could lol but what he said was so vile.
I'm thinking back on my actions more than ever now. Not that I regret anything I said or did. But the fact that someone may think because I'm a trans woman that I'm basically scum of the earth... Wow.
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Feeling a little down today. Work is getting slow and as the only part timer, I get the short end of the stick. I got to work a few days last week but the week before and this week is look pretty grim. No work :(. I'm semi retired and I like my job. It helps to keep my brain working. I may be going full time retired :-\. I would miss my fellow colleagues.
Quote from: Donica on October 02, 2018, 08:57:40 AM
Feeling a little down today. Work is getting slow and as the only part timer, I get the short end of the stick. I got to work a few days last week but the week before and this week is look pretty grim. No work :(. I'm semi retired and I like my job. It helps to keep my brain working. I may be going full time retired :-\. I would miss my fellow colleagues.
@Donica Dear Donica: I am no where near considering retirement but in my financial and tax business I have a lot of older clients... the retirement story is different for all.
Some of my clients lament about retiring and not having things to do on a regular basis and also missing any friends, relationships and/or acquaintances that they had in their working life.
On the other hand there are my fully retired clients that tell of the wonderful time that they now have to travel, join clubs, be involved in local activities with their retired friends, more time to see family members and grand-kids, etc.
I have several clients that are having it both ways. They have jobs that are only 2 or perhaps 3 days a week so they can continue to feel needed and to contribute in a job environment and they also end up with some extra pocket money as a result of limited continued employment... and because they only work (very) part time, they have the time to do many of the things that a fully retired person can do.
I guess that it boils down to what you want and when.... this is your personal life journey for sure.
I trust that you get our of feeling down today and just be glad that you are alive and continuing on successfully in your transition journey toward your goal.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Thank you Danielle! Yes I only get 2 or 3 days a week for 4 hours ea. It does feel good to feel needed. I am somewhat of the goto teacher there and I really enjoy sharing my experience with the new employees. And It helps with to rent and adding to my wardrobe. I have joined 2 different support groups and with weekly HNT sessions and VFT, I'm busier now than a I was when I was working full time. Oh yeah, I was invited to a Gala this Saturday night.
This will pass. Maybe we can find more work soon so I can continue to help out.
Thanks for listening Danielle.
Donica.
This time it's something huge...
There are tiny bumps on my genitals. I probably have HPV. I'm a very sexual person by nature, so this is like.... I don't know where to go from here. I don't know where they came from, but there are three possibilities since the last time I was tested. I'm going to tell all of them to get tested themselves, and of course I'll set up an appointment for myself, but still. This isn't good.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on October 02, 2018, 01:13:38 PM
This time it's something huge...
There are tiny bumps on my genitals. I probably have HPV. I'm a very sexual person by nature, so this is like.... I don't know where to go from here. I don't know where they came from, but there are three possibilities since the last time I was tested. I'm going to tell all of them to get tested themselves, and of course I'll set up an appointment for myself, but still. This isn't good.
Most people have little bumps on there genitalia and this is normal. If you have an STI it would be obvious.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on October 02, 2018, 01:13:38 PM
This time it's something huge...
There are tiny bumps on my genitals. I probably have HPV. I'm a very sexual person by nature, so this is like.... I don't know where to go from here. I don't know where they came from, but there are three possibilities since the last time I was tested. I'm going to tell all of them to get tested themselves, and of course I'll set up an appointment for myself, but still. This isn't good.
@4A-GZE YES, a doctor appointment is needed to get a professional medical diagnosis.....
please don't be making wild guesses about what you ailments that you
might have and perhaps needlessly worrying yourself over something that you do not know what it is, it could be nothing or a minor problem ... or???
Please get that appointment as soon as possible.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: gingerViktorKay on October 02, 2018, 05:24:05 PM
Most people have little bumps on there genitalia and this is normal. If you have an STI it would be obvious.
They were never there before, and they look exactly like all the pictures I can find of genital warts.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on October 02, 2018, 06:22:22 PM
They were never there before, and they look exactly like all the pictures I can find of genital warts.
Oh that sucks. :(
Time for a trip to the doctor.
So did everybody's phone just go berserk? Jeezzz! What's next? The internet? I guess it's a good thing so long as Trump doesn't start using it for tweeting. I can see it know. Monthly alert test during Wednesday morning staff meetings.
Quote from: Donica on October 03, 2018, 01:35:36 PM
So did everybody's phone just go berserk? Jeezzz! What's next? The internet? I guess it's a good thing so long as Trump doesn't start using it for tweeting.
@Donica Yep, my cell phone and my iPad went bonkers just as I was discussing some financial stuff with one of my clients in my office!!!!
We are all connected and getting more so as technology invades every facet of our lives.
That can be a good thing but also it can be a bad thing.
In my settings I should be able to cancel and delete any notifications like that... I think.
Danielle
Quote from: Donica on October 02, 2018, 11:27:48 AM
...and with weekly HNT sessions and VFT, I'm busier now...
Donica.
OK, Color me ignorant on this one. I can't find the definition to HNT. Help?
Judi
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on October 03, 2018, 01:58:58 PM
OK, Color me ignorant on this one. I can't find the definition to HNT. Help?
Judi
Not at all Judi! It's Stephanie's term. HNT = Hot Needle Torture. Electrolysis. I may start using a term MTQ (My Torture Queen) when referring to my electrolysis. I hope she never finds out though. You never want to upset a lady with a hot electric needle in her hands.
Donica.
Thanks! :o
Quote from: Donica on October 03, 2018, 02:02:19 PM
Not at all Judi! It's Stephanie's term. HNT = Hot Needle Torture. Electrolysis. I may start using a term MTQ (My Torture Queen) when referring to my electrolysis. I hope she never finds out though. You never want to upset a lady with a hot electric needle in her hands.
Donica.
Credit where it's due! My BFF
@SassyCassie came up with the HNT acronym. She's the reason my F-250 is called the "Colossus" (though I expanded it to "The Colossus of Roads"), and my Mini Cooper is the "RocketSkate." If you ever need anything named, she's the one to ask!
Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 03, 2018, 02:21:07 PM
Credit where it's due! My BFF @SassyCassie came up with the HNT acronym. She's the reason my F-250 is called the "Colossus" (though I expanded it to "The Colossus of Roads"), and my Mini Cooper is the "RocketSkate." If you ever need anything named, she's the one to ask!
Stephanie
That sounds like fun. I think I will name my cute little OZ-Rally the CosmoSled. Yeah? What do ya think? Lets ask SassyCassie!
Donica.
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 03, 2018, 02:21:07 PM
Credit where it's due! My BFF @SassyCassie came up with the HNT acronym. She's the reason my F-250 is called the "Colossus" (though I expanded it to "The Colossus of Roads"), and my Mini Cooper is the "RocketSkate." If you ever need anything named, she's the one to ask!
Stephanie
@Steph2.0 @SassyCassie Dear Stephanie:Hey, naming things in personal terms is always fun and makes for fun conversation.
So, please tell me, was it
SassyCassie that named you
Galaxy Girl?
I have read all of your posts involving star gaziing and aircraft....
...so, it is obvious to me that the moniker fits.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 03, 2018, 05:53:35 PM
@Steph2.0 @SassyCassie
Dear Stephanie:
Hey, naming things in personal terms is always fun and makes for fun conversation.
So, please tell me, was it SassyCassie that named you Galaxy Girl?
I have read all of your posts involving star gaziing and aircraft....
...so, it is obvious to me that the moniker fits.
Kind of. It was more a joint effort. We were looking over eyeliner colors at Sephora, and two that we liked were called "Galaxy Girl" and "Eccentric Diva." We thought the two of those would be great names for a superhero team. Cassie morphed hers into "Electric" Diva, and so we were named. We have ever since fought the evil forces of deadnaming and misgendering together, wherever they may raise their ugly heads.
She gave me an insulated Yeti cup with a gorgeous starry background on it to help me stay ahead of spiro-induced dehydration, and I bought vinyl stickers for it. It was one of the first things I owned with my new name on it, and goes with me practically everywhere I go:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181003/da470fadc15915a0bb4229c53f9d73db.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181003/6d0df1666f9826fbee5ce10f87314cc1.jpg)
Stephanie
Quote from: Donica on October 03, 2018, 01:35:36 PM
So did everybody's phone just go berserk? Jeezzz! What's next? The internet? I guess it's a good thing so long as Trump doesn't start using it for tweeting. I can see it know. Monthly alert test during Wednesday morning staff meetings.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 03, 2018, 01:42:15 PM
@Donica
Yep, my cell phone and my iPad went bonkers just as I was discussing some financial stuff with one of my clients in my office!!!!
We are all connected and getting more so as technology invades every facet of our lives.
That can be a good thing but also it can be a bad thing.
In my settings I should be able to cancel and delete any notifications like that... I think.
Danielle
Yeah, my phones both went crazy today while I was trying to get some much-needed sleep. Things have been hectic for me lately, and sleep has become a rare commodity, so after my second phone went nuts, I decided to get up out of bed. bleah.
And from what I can understand, those kind of notifications can
not be turned off.
https://www.cnn.com/2018/10/03/politics/cellphone-federal-emergency-alert-system-test/index.html (https://www.cnn.com/2018/10/03/politics/cellphone-federal-emergency-alert-system-test/index.html)
Its to alert those of us here in the US in case of terrorist attack, weather disaster or zombie infection outbreak. Its a federal law that went into effect in 2008.
Too bad it wasn't working when Hawaii thought they were having a missile heading their way earlier this year. :-\
Ryuichi
My phone woke me up and kinda freaked me out as well
My phone went off at work and on a phone call. The speakers in the ceiling broadcast it as well as the phone of the customer on the other end. Oh, plus everyone's phone in the office.
Yeah, it was annoying
Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
I have had to repeat a urine test 3 times due to "contamination" all the time thinking it was part of the mandatory tests for my upcoming surgery only to find out tonight that not only is the test that I keep having to repeat not required for my pre surgery stuff but I have been given the wrong instructions twice producing a contaminated sample....its all down to the fact that when I gave my Dr the letter from Mr Ives about what blood tests (6 tests) she looked at the list and then something on her screen, clicked the mouse and then out popped a pathology form with 14 separate tests + the urine culture telling me this is what she gives her pregnant ladies and covers what I need. At the time I didn't realise how many test she had me tested for as opposed to what I asked for...you guessed it!! The urine test I keep having to repeat is one of the ones that is not required and I also found out today that it needs to be specifically a mid stream sample to help prevent contamination....is it any wonder I have white coat syndrome... ::) >:(
I hate pee tests. I mean, it comes out - test passed. Right?
Quote from: Faith on October 04, 2018, 06:28:48 AM
I hate pee tests. I mean, it comes out - test passed. Right?
nothing to pass...it simply is just not required and I have wasted hours on this so far, its one of a whole bunch of unneccesary tests because my Dr gave me one of her personal "standardised" tests forms rather than what Mr Ives had asked me to get so which was 14 more tests that she was asked to provide...including the pee test.... its a pointless waste of resources.
Edit: Sometimes/Many times I am a complete dolt(everyone nods)...Faith makes a perfectly acceptable joke and I dribble on about "standised" forms and resources...sorry Faith and thanks I did get the joke...once you pointed it out to me ...sorry :)
I don't know what it was today, but it's been a bit rough. Normally, I'm not terribly affected by having to be at work in guy mode or being non-maliciously called "sir," but today was the pits. It started with getting ready for work (shaving, seeing myself without my wig). Then, I get called sir on multiple occasions by the friend who's trying to be supportive and all. Then, somewhere in the middle, I had to deliver a letter of counseling to a junior coworker. My friend noticed that I was a bit off today and asked, to which I replied, "Nothing, I'm fine." Then, he asked me something ending in "sir," and he saw my eyes fade again, then apologized. I said, "It's okay, really. Just drop it." Oof, what a weird day.
I'm at a festival thing right now with my ex, and I'm still really in love with her. So this is kind of weird. I want to just go off and sleep around to keep her out of my mind, but if you remember my previous posts, that can't happen until I've been tested.
This morning started off good, high point, decided instead of doing the normal 'casual Friday' I'd dress up. Now my mood is dropping because, for some reason, I'm feeling more like a guy in a dress. It's really starting to bum me out. :(
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 09:28:34 AM
This morning started off good, high point, decided instead of doing the normal 'casual Friday' I'd dress up. Now my mood is dropping because, for some reason, I'm feeling more like a guy in a dress. It's really starting to bum me out. :(
The Doctor is <IN>.
Don't do that.
Five cents, please.
- Lucy
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 09:28:34 AM
This morning started off good, high point, decided instead of doing the normal 'casual Friday' I'd dress up. Now my mood is dropping because, for some reason, I'm feeling more like a guy in a dress. It's really starting to bum me out. :(
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 05, 2018, 10:12:12 AM
The Doctor is <IN>.
Don't do that.
Five cents, please.
- Lucy
You've told me not to be so judgmental on myself. My turn: I saw you pic on your thread. You look great. Listen to Lucy here and stop beating yourself up.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 05, 2018, 10:12:12 AM
The Doctor is <IN>.
Don't do that.
Five cents, please.
- Lucy
Doctor doctor please!
I would have charged ten cents ;D'
Hang in there Faith. It's gets better and better all the time.
Donica.
Quote from: Donica on October 05, 2018, 10:54:35 AM
Doctor doctor please!
I would have charged ten cents ;D'
I revise my bill. It's two cents because you're my friend.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181005/2cefb5369b33b55cec503d4b7e5a521b.jpg)
- Snoopy
Quote from: TonyaW on October 05, 2018, 10:52:05 AM
You've told me not to be so judgmental on myself. My turn: I saw you pic on your thread. You look great. Listen to Lucy here and stop beating yourself up.
do as I say, not as I do.
YOU have to not me :D I have to be judgmental of myself, none of you seem to want to do it.
Quote from: Donica on October 05, 2018, 10:54:35 AM
Doctor doctor please!
I would have charged ten cents ;D'
Hang in there Faith. It's gets better and better all the time.
Donica.
getting there. Going out again tonight. I need to be properly up so that I enjoy it.
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 05, 2018, 11:09:51 AM
I revise my bill. It's two cents because you're my friend.
awwww <*sniffle*>
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 05, 2018, 11:09:51 AM
I revise my bill. It's two cents because you're my friend.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181005/2cefb5369b33b55cec503d4b7e5a521b.jpg)
- Snoopy
Darn! Out priced again. ::)
Quote from: Faith on October 05, 2018, 09:28:34 AM
This morning started off good, high point, decided instead of doing the normal 'casual Friday' I'd dress up. Now my mood is dropping because, for some reason, I'm feeling more like a guy in a dress. It's really starting to bum me out. :(
@Faith Dear Faith: Since you probably can not get away from work to go to a hair and nail salon to get pampered ... my go-to solution is Chocolate and treats ... and also my favorite espresso from my favorite Barista at the next door coffee shop.
At the very least get some chocolate therapy going while you are at work.
Hugs, and more hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: 4A-GZE on October 05, 2018, 09:16:06 AM
I'm at a festival thing right now with my ex, and I'm still really in love with her. So this is kind of weird. I want to just go off and sleep around to keep her out of my mind, but if you remember my previous posts, that can't happen until I've been tested.
@4A-GZE What ??? You have not been to the doctor or a clinic yet ? ....
....get going and get the tests done so you can continue on with your life.....
ASAP.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 05, 2018, 12:43:09 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Since you probably can not get away from work to go to a hair and nail salon to get pampered ... my go-to solution is Chocolate and treats ... and also my favorite espresso from my favorite Barista at the next door coffee shop.
At the very least get some chocolate therapy going while you are at work.
Hugs, and more hugs,
Danielle
I have strawberry almond milk yogurt :)
I woke up in this existence again :P
Quote from: V M on October 06, 2018, 07:52:14 PM
I woke up in this existence again :P
Hope you're feeling better soon... :)
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 05, 2018, 12:46:18 PM
@4A-GZE
What ??? You have not been to the doctor or a clinic yet ? ....
....get going and get the tests done so you can continue on with your life.....
ASAP.
Hugs,
Danielle
The earliest appointment at my local Planned Parenthood is the 17th, so I'm stuck waiting until then. I also don't really know what I'm doing and I'd rather not ask my parents for help. They know I've been sexually active for years, but I don't want them to think I've been irresponsible.
Quote from: LizK on October 07, 2018, 02:26:15 AM
Hope you're feeling better soon... :)
Thanks Liz
My birthday always kinda freaks me out plus I came down with a nasty cold or something
I just lost all my favorites in MS Edge Window 10. Windows 10 sucks! I have had nothing but non-user friendly trouble with it. Windows 7 is way better.
Quote from: Donica on October 08, 2018, 03:07:17 PM
I just lost all my favorites in MS Edge Window 10. Windows 10 sucks! I have had nothing but non-user friendly trouble with it. Windows 7 is way better.
Donica,
I switched to a Mac about 8 years ago and never looked back, i watch my colleagues waste days of there time sorting out windows issues, I have no idea how ms get away with it
Quote from: Donica on October 08, 2018, 03:07:17 PM
I just lost all my favorites in MS Edge Window 10. Windows 10 sucks! I have had nothing but non-user friendly trouble with it. Windows 7 is way better.
update 1809? It's bad. It's a 'windows 10 recall' update. They pulled it but some people still have it installed. It deletes user files.
Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 03:28:09 PM
update 1809? It's bad. It's a 'windows 10 recall' update. They pulled it but some people still have it installed. It deletes user files.
I like my Linux distro best.
Quote from: gingerViktorKay on October 08, 2018, 03:31:26 PM
I like my Linux distro best.
My main is CentOS, unfortunately at work I have to use 10 due to compatibility for server in AD environments.
Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 03:28:09 PM
update 1809? It's bad. It's a 'windows 10 recall' update. They pulled it but some people still have it installed. It deletes user files.
@FaithDear Faith: Of course most of us that have enjoyed Windows7 avoided Windows8 like the plague.... and a few years ago even the PC manufacturers stopped putting Windows8 into their machines and went back including Windows7... then Microsoft just about forced everyone to free upgrade to Window10, even automatically installing the free upgrade without the users authorization. Before that happened I installed a short program to stop that automatic upgrade and I am still happily running Windows7.... but of course Microsoft will stop supporting Windows10 in 2020.
(https://i.imgur.com/AoDdxzh.jpg)
Danielle
Quote from: Donica on October 08, 2018, 03:07:17 PM
I just lost all my favorites in MS Edge Window 10. Windows 10 sucks! I have had nothing but non-user friendly trouble with it. Windows 7 is way better.
Ughh! I would use Internet Explorer 11 with Windows 10, or another popular secure Web browser.
Chrissy
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 08, 2018, 03:45:16 PM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Of course most of us that have enjoyed Windows7 avoided Windows8 like the plague.... and a few years ago even the PC manufacturers stopped putting Windows8 into their machines and went back including Windows7... then Microsoft just about forced everyone to free upgrade to Window10, even automatically installing the free upgrade without the users authorization. Before that happened I installed a short program to stop that automatic upgrade and I am still happily running Windows7.... but of course Microsoft will stop supporting Windows10 in 2020.
(https://i.imgur.com/AoDdxzh.jpg)
Danielle
Oh Danielle! I am LMAO. I hope you don't mind? I just had to save that picture. I want to turn it into a dart board lol.
Donica.
I saw in the paper that the windows 10 update problem is due to a profile corruption. Your information isn't lost but is inaccessible. It also said there is a way to reconstruct your profile so you can access your information. You might want to see what you can find out about it.
I don't really know all the particulars of it, all I know is that I will never buy another Windows product ever again
Quote from: Donica on October 08, 2018, 03:51:40 PM
Oh Danielle! I am LMAO. I hope you don't mind? I just had to save that picture. I want to turn it into a dart board lol.
Donica.
I defected to Mac a couple of years ago, having absolutely had it with Windows 10. Best computer thing I've ever done.
Hugs,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]
I bit the inside of my lip yesterday, I bit the same place 3 more times today.
yep, almost cried *sniffle*
Quote from: Faith on October 09, 2018, 11:40:44 AM
I bit the inside of my lip yesterday, I bit the same place 3 more times today.
yep, almost cried *sniffle*
@Faith Dear Faith: Ouchie, that can hurt, and to keep biting it before it heals.... ughhhhh, more pain. Did you draw blood?
It's kinda like stubbing your toe, you then keep hitting it on things and the pain gets worse every time.!!!
Be careful....
Hugs, and more hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 09, 2018, 11:45:19 AM
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Ouchie, that can hurt, and to keep biting it before it heals.... ughhhhh, more pain. Did you draw blood?
It's kinda like stubbing your toe, you then keep hitting it on things and the pain gets worse every time.!!!
Be careful....
Hugs, and more hugs,
Danielle
no blood but I do dread it turning into a nasty canker sore. Lots of nasty things floating around this season.
My back's gone out again :P
Quote from: V M on October 10, 2018, 10:12:20 PM
My back's gone out again :P
I hate when mine does that. It always comes home drunk and does nothing but complain about its headache the next morning.
Seriously, sorry to hear that. I had to endure bad back pain on a special trip I took in August that almost ruined it for me. Special friends and occasions helped compensate, but it would have been a lot more fun otherwise. I hope yours improves soon!
Stephanie
Thanks Stephanie, I hope so too - It pretty much bothers me a bit most of the time but it's usually fairly tolerable
Hasn't gone out this bad for a good while so I guess I was a bit overdue for it LOL
Quote from: V M on October 10, 2018, 10:12:20 PM
My back's gone out again :P
It must be catching, I can hardly move today. My back seems to go every few days at the moment and no reason for it...
... of course my mind goes ... more scans has C moved into the bones
Quote from: Cindy on October 11, 2018, 02:23:59 AM
It must be catching, I can hardly move today. My back seems to go every few days at the moment and no reason for it...
... of course my mind goes ... more scans has C moved into the bones
:(
Quote from: Cindy on October 11, 2018, 02:23:59 AM
It must be catching, I can hardly move today. My back seems to go every few days at the moment and no reason for it...
... of course my mind goes ... more scans has C moved into the bones
<<<<HUG>>>>
The ex that I'm still in love with just posted on Facebook that she had "the best date ever" last night, with some guy I don't know. I hope he makes her happy... she has a tendency to go for really abusive guys. She even told me recently that I was the only one who never tried to take advantage of her. Or hit her. Or anything like that. The most recent boyfriend is in jail for domestic violence. Like.... I'm legitimately worried about her. Obviously I'm not the only one who can treat her right, but she *would* be safer with me.
Quote from: Cindy on October 11, 2018, 02:23:59 AM
It must be catching, I can hardly move today. My back seems to go every few days at the moment and no reason for it...
... of course my mind goes ... more scans has C moved into the bones
Oh I see... So it's your fault LOL
Hugs
My cousin randomly started texting me to argue with me that my transsexuality is against God... over and over and over again for about 2 hours straight.
Quote from: Sarah1979 on October 11, 2018, 01:46:21 PM
My cousin randomly started texting me to argue with me that my transsexuality is against God... over and over and over again for about 2 hours straight.
sorry that happened but ... that sounds like a good number to block.
Quote from: Sarah1979 on October 11, 2018, 01:46:21 PM
My cousin randomly started texting me to argue with me that my transsexuality is against God... over and over and over again for about 2 hours straight.
@Sarah1979 Dear Sarah:
I am so very sorry that you went though that most unpleasant experience...
I know that you told me that it was your cousin,
but why, oh why, did you continue the texting for 2 hours straight? ???
If I had gotten a involved in a text session like that I would have been involved for a brief time, tried to respectfully discuss and debate the issue, and finally realize that the cousin was never going to change their mind no matter what I said.... then I would have attempted to entirely change the subject, and if that didn't work, the entire text session would have only lasted for 15 minutes tops!!! Next time, and hopefully there will not be a next time, you will be better prepared to change the subject and/or end the texting war quickly within minutes.....
just sayin'...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
@Alaskan Danielle
I'm still trying to convince him that transsexuality is actually a thing and not a mental illness. I'm also trying to take a page from your book and trying to convince myself that the relationship isn't beyond hope.
Hugs
Sarah
Would have had a lieu day today but area manager was coming to see me , of course he never turned up (nothing new) at least he phoned to say sorry he got held up (bloody highwaymen!!!)
I'm fit to be tied. My electrolysis overbooked her self. Nothing like numbing the crap out of your face, sitting in your electrolysis office waiting, only to find out you no longer have an appointment today!!!!!!! Sorry!!!
Oh ya, for an extra kick in the gut, you just lost all of your favorites. I guess it could have been worse. The numbing cream could have eaten my face off and my computer could have had a complete melt down.
WOW!!!!! I GUESS I"M LUCKY AFTER ALL :/
(https://i.imgur.com/FLbmJcX.jpg)
Quote from: Donica on October 11, 2018, 05:56:29 PM
I'm fit to be tied. My electrolysis overbooked her self. Nothing like numbing the crap out of your face, sitting in your electrolysis office waiting, only to find out you no longer have an appointment today!!!!!!! Sorry!!!
Oh ya, for an extra kick in the gut, you just lost all of your favorites. I guess it could have been worse. The numbing cream could have eaten my face off and my computer could have had a complete melt down.
WOW!!!!! I GUESS I"M LUCKY AFTER ALL :/
(https://i.imgur.com/FLbmJcX.jpg)
@Donica Dear Donica...
Wow... a bummer day, both with your favorites on you computer and also with your numbing the crap out of your face
I am sorry that you day was such a disaster....
.... it sounds to me like it is time for chocolate and/or ice cream? ???
Hey girl, you could at the very least
SMILE in your picture that you shared with all of us.
Hugs... :) :) :)
Danielle
Yes, I need a big hug and some chocolate ice cream. Thanks Danielle. My torture Queen was nice enough to book me for next week same time. I think I'll text her on Wednesday to make sure we are still on.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 11, 2018, 06:15:37 PM
@Donica
Dear Donica...
Wow... a bummer day, both with your favorites on you computer and also with your numbing the crap out of your face
I am sorry that you day was such a disaster....
.... it sounds to me like it is time for chocolate and/or ice cream? ???
Hey girl, you could at the very least SMILE in your picture that you shared with all of us.
Hugs... :) :) :)
Danielle
Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk
Oh, I was smiling! Really!
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 11, 2018, 06:15:37 PM
@Donica
Dear Donica...
Wow... a bummer day, both with your favorites on you computer and also with your numbing the crap out of your face
I am sorry that you day was such a disaster....
.... it sounds to me like it is time for chocolate and/or ice cream? ???
Hey girl, you could at the very least SMILE in your picture that you shared with all of us.
Hugs... :) :) :)
Danielle
Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk
Quote from: Donica on October 11, 2018, 06:29:29 PM
Yes, I need a big hug and some chocolate ice cream.
I can't help with the ice cream, but <<<HUG>>>.
It has been 455 days since I last heard from my dad.
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 11, 2018, 09:38:38 PM
It has been 455 days since I last heard from my dad.
@Colleen_definitely Dear Colleen:
I definitely feel your pain.... ... have you made any contact him in the last 14 months?? Definitely a very difficult situation for you that I completely understand.
Once I first announced my firm transition plans 4+ years ago, I have only had 3 very brief conversations with him... TWICE in person before I relocated here as a full-time woman over 1 1/2 years ago to my new town and ONE TIME on the phone last Christmas when I called my parents... usually they do not answer my calls, but on Christmas it seems to be more successful. He continues to refuse to acknowledge me and never addresses me by my old name nor my new name nor does he accept me... and my conversations are usually less than a ONE minute at most, and last Christmas on the phone it was a very brief 30 second talk and he refused to say my name. On that phone call last Christmas my mother, at the END of the phone call that lasted for about 3 or 4 minutes she said "I love you Danielle" That was the very first time that she called me by my new name.... so it goes without saying that my parents still do not accept me and my transitioned life.
While this is very difficult for me, I refuse to let it control my feelings about living my life and was a catalyst for me to move far away.
I hope that there is a reconciliation between you and your dad in the works for you... for me I have just about given up, but I still have hope.
Our situations definitely belong here in the "Unhappy" thread.
Hugs and best wishes... and do know that I understand your feelings about your situation with your dad.
Danielle
I sent him a coming out letter not long after we last spoke and another letter saying "it has been five months, can't you bother to say something?" letter.
I haven't tried calling, and I'm not sure what I'd say if I did at this point. Chances are reason would lose to impulse and I would end up making things even worse. I may just have to settle for finishing grad school and sending him a framed portrait of the doctorate earned by his formerly favorite child turned "disgusting queer freak." (hearsay via my aunt)
The core problem is that he's a super religious narcissist. He's not the "I can't do that, it's against my religion" type of person, his idea of faith aligns more with "You can't do that, it's against my religion."
He used to brag to his friends and coworkers about my military service and all of the crappy things I did in miserable parts of the world, and now I'm everything he preaches hate about.
So like you, I'm trying to stay hopeful but It's really hard.
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 12, 2018, 07:37:14 AM
I sent him a coming out letter not long after we last spoke and another letter saying "it has been five months, can't you bother to say something?" letter.
I haven't tried calling, and I'm not sure what I'd say if I did at this point. Chances are reason would lose to impulse and I would end up making things even worse. I may just have to settle for finishing grad school and sending him a framed portrait of the doctorate earned by his formerly favorite child turned "disgusting queer freak." (hearsay via my aunt)
The core problem is that he's a super religious narcissist. He's not the "I can't do that, it's against my religion" type of person, his idea of faith aligns more with "You can't do that, it's against my religion."
He used to brag to his friends and coworkers about my military service and all of the crappy things I did in miserable parts of the world, and now I'm everything he preaches hate about.
So like you, I'm trying to stay hopeful but It's really hard.
Dear Colleen,
Please stay hopeful. I am rooting for you.
Thank you for your military service. Thank you so much.
Do try to keep in touch with your father.
I am fortunate to have gained acceptance of my femininity by the few to whom I came out.
Also my counselor has of course not been judgmental. I would say that 15-20 years ago I would think of myself as a straight crossdresser. It was a bit intimidating that first time to walk around a few blocks near the university in a dress and a wig. Now though, I do not think of myself as that way, but part a sensible man and part a thoughtful woman. They mesh.
Today, although rarely a day goes by that I do not enjoy wearing some outside femme clothing, usually pants, shorts, top or sweater, and no one says anything to me, I do not see doing that as absolutely necessary to peacefully accept and embrace my feminine part. I still enjoy being male and female.
I am not as of this time ready to go full time mtf living. I still prefer other outside femme clothes than dresses, and I certainly do not feel the need for surgery. My herbals have produced some gentle curves, fat in the right places, boobs that have more feminine shape than moobs, softer and glowing skin, and less body hair. Finesteride also helps makes my head hair grow well.
While I could go low dose with medical support to soothe dysphoria that arises, and may still do so, I am happy where I am at.
Hugs,
Chrissy
I went out and was not prepared for the cold weather. Totally my fault :(
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 11, 2018, 06:39:09 PM
I can't help with the ice cream, but <<<HUG>>>.
Thanks for the hug Steph. It really helped. I picked up some Haagen-Dazs chocolate-chocolate chip ice cream last night :D.
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 12, 2018, 07:37:14 AM
I sent him a coming out letter not long after we last spoke and another letter saying "it has been five months, can't you bother to say something?" letter.
I haven't tried calling, and I'm not sure what I'd say if I did at this point. Chances are reason would lose to impulse and I would end up making things even worse. I may just have to settle for finishing grad school and sending him a framed portrait of the doctorate earned by his formerly favorite child turned "disgusting queer freak." (hearsay via my aunt)
The core problem is that he's a super religious narcissist. He's not the "I can't do that, it's against my religion" type of person, his idea of faith aligns more with "You can't do that, it's against my religion."
He used to brag to his friends and coworkers about my military service and all of the crappy things I did in miserable parts of the world, and now I'm everything he preaches hate about.
So like you, I'm trying to stay hopeful but It's really hard.
Big hugs Colleen! Stay hopeful. You never know, he may come around. I have known a few very religious people to be very supportive because they have someone in their family that is trans. Family is the strongest bond on earth.
Hugs,
Donica.
Having trouble getting an appointment to restart HRT, this is why I was taking illegal hormones to begin with, was always afraid I just wouldn't be able to start transition legally for whatever reason, feels like it's coming true now.
Not sure how much fight I have left in me.
Sarah
Sarah one thing that might help is don't focus just on right now and how long the delay may seem to be... think about your past and your future. Imagine it's a couple years from now and you're looking back at today. At that point the delay and effort required to obtain an HRT prescription will be minor compared to the benefits of getting accurate medical care. I have confidence in you.
I'm trying it's just... one step forward, two back you know?
Sarah
Quote from: Kendra on October 12, 2018, 03:11:25 PM
I have confidence in you.
You shouldn't, I almost ended it last night
Quote from: Sarah1979 on October 12, 2018, 03:37:57 PM
I'm trying it's just... one step forward, two back you know?
Sarah
That was the story of my life for a long time. Just keep at it, things do get better.
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 13, 2018, 08:08:59 AM
That was the story of my life for a long time. Just keep at it, things do get better.
I want to believe that, I'm having trouble finding the strength to keep fighting for every single inch, right now I just want the pain to stop
Sarah
It does get better but unfortunately it can become very difficult at times. It would be best if you have the company of others or do something to keep yourself busy and your mind off your problems. If it gets really bad, consider a suicide help line or if you have a therapist, contact them and see what your therapist can provide.
Many of us have gone through this and we survived. I think the same is possible for you and your life will get better if you give it the chance.
Quote from: Sarah1979 on October 13, 2018, 01:14:46 PM
I want to believe that, I'm having trouble finding the strength to keep fighting for every single inch, right now I just want the pain to stop
Sarah
It is a daily wrestling match for many of us including myself - The depression and anxiety coupled with the physical pain I deal with can really kick my butt sometimes and send me into that dark place
You are not alone, we are all here with you and we won't let the monsters win
*Big Hugs*
The usual knowing I'll forever be denied oppurtunity for growth and advancement (and better pay) beyond doing menial work due to my disability. That makes me unhappy everyday unless the U.S. starts adopting policies similar to Denmark. Anyhow I'm working on getting therapy that'll hopefully help me cope.
I feel like I have too many masculine cues and that I'll never be feminine enough physically the way I want...
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Well thankfully my back is doing better again so naturally my left hip has start playing up :P Aaargh...
Quote from: Allison S on October 14, 2018, 05:53:09 AM
I feel like I have too many masculine cues and that I'll never be feminine enough physically the way I want...
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@Allison SDear Allison:
Take it from me... I know from my past experiences as I neared going Full-time.... these things take time and patience.
The masculine cues, as hard as we try, can be difficult to get rid of... they are so subtle. The only way I was able to beat them is to keep going out, being with and watching cis-women, gaining confidence and self-assurance.... and using male-fail episodes as learning experieinces!!!
Hang in there girl, keep refining your female appearance and presentation and soon you will see less and less experiences of male fail and also your opinion of your female appearance will improve greatly. You look beautiful... please believe me.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: V M on October 14, 2018, 05:20:14 PM
Well thankfully my back is doing better again so naturally my left hip has start playing up :P Aaargh...
I am glad that your back is better. Sorry to hear about your hip.
Chrissy
I had a texting blowout with my ex last night all because I don't have room in my apartment to store her stuff. She has a two bedroom apartment and 4 people. I would think with 4 incomes helping her with rent, she could afford to get a storage unit. She unfriended me on FB last night. It's not like we didn't have a good life for the first 22 years of marriage, but the last 5 years of that was hell. She still harbors a lot of hate and resentment to which I do not blame her for. I understand and am not asking for her forgiveness. However, It's been 7 years since the separation/divorce. I refuse to keep living in the past. I'm tired of being shamed for my short comings. I'm moving on.
Thanks for listening.
Struggling to find the words. Another tragic senseless mass shooting in my own backyard. All my hopes prayers condolences and best wishes to the families of the fallen! I have heard that my friend is safe. He is a Venture County Deputy Sheriff. I'm sure he was one of the second responders.
Quote from: Donica on November 08, 2018, 03:52:06 PM
Struggling to find the words. Another tragic senseless mass shooting in my own backyard. All my hopes prayers condolences and best wishes to the families of the fallen! I have heard that my friend is safe. He is a Venture County Deputy Sheriff. I'm sure he was one of the second responders.
I was rather shocked and saddened when I learned of the shooting
I lived in Culver City years ago when was doing music and such, would go to the Galleria and all over L.A. with friends
I live a thousand miles away now but it still struck home to me in a big way, these senseless events didn't happen when I was young
If that wasn't enough, we are also dealing with a massive fire in Venture/LA county. From my apartment, I can see fire in the mountains around Simi Valley. At one point last night, we had fire on both ends and no one could get in or out of the valley. It's smokey and very windy. We are having a Santa Ana wind event. Hot ambers flying everywhere.
Stood on my dinner dropped my gloves in a puddle
Quote from: Donica on November 09, 2018, 07:22:29 AM
If that wasn't enough, we are also dealing with a massive fire in Venture/LA county. From my apartment, I can see fire in the mountains around Simi Valley. At one point last night, we had fire on both ends and no one could get in or out of the valley. It's smokey and very windy. We are having a Santa Ana wind event. Hot ambers flying everywhere.
Simi Valley where I live is surrounded by fire again today. So far the high winds are keeping the smoke and fire away from us but unfortunately our friends in Malibu and all the surrounding cities are suffering. It's going to be another night of orange Hues in Sky and smoke surrounding us again.
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Quote from: Donica on November 09, 2018, 05:50:33 PM
Simi Valley where I live is surrounded by fire again today. So far the high winds are keeping the smoke and fire away from us but unfortunately our friends in Malibu and all the surrounding cities are suffering. It's going to be another night of orange Hues in Sky and smoke surrounding us again.
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My dear God! This is not good. The Santa Ana wind event has now been extended til Tuesday of next week. One small shift in the winds and I will be in it path. We barely survived the last fire and floods and landslides, mudslides that followed. Dear God!
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Quote from: Donica on November 09, 2018, 05:50:33 PM
Simi Valley where I live is surrounded by fire again today. So far the high winds are keeping the smoke and fire away from us but unfortunately our friends in Malibu and all the surrounding cities are suffering. It's going to be another night of orange Hues in Sky and smoke surrounding us again.
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Oh great! We just lost all cable TV service because of fires. My internet is now down. Thank God I have my phone to communicate with the outside world.
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Donica I really hope you and your family are safe.
Quote from: Donica on November 09, 2018, 06:09:57 PM
My dear God! This is not good. The Santa Ana wind event has now been extended til Tuesday of next week. One small shift in the winds and I will be in it path. We barely survived the last fire and floods and landslides, mudslides that followed. Dear God!
Donica, I had to stick my head in .. be safe, be packed. If need be, come vacation in Florida. We have (a) room to spare.
Quote from: Donica on November 09, 2018, 06:09:57 PM
My dear God! This is not good. The Santa Ana wind event has now been extended til Tuesday of next week. One small shift in the winds and I will be in it path. We barely survived the last fire and floods and landslides, mudslides that followed. Dear God!
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@Donica Dear Donica:As
@Faith mentioned,
"be safe and be packed", and be ready to go at a moment's notice.
I trust that you and your property will survive this event and be OK....
... if you need to cool down, come to my home... it is snowing and the temp right now is 11 deg F.
Again, be safe...
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 09, 2018, 09:53:58 PM
@Donica
Dear Donica:
As @Faith mentioned, "be safe and be packed", and be ready to go at a moment's notice.
I trust that you and your property will survive this event and be OK....
... if you need to cool down, come to my home... it is snowing and the temp right now is 11 deg F.
Again, be safe...
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle
I just may be knocking on your door Danielle. Cable and internet is down but the power is still on. The only news I get right now is to poke my head out the window to see how close the fire is. Trying to find more news on my phone.
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Try looking at Twitter id your local news station. They might keep you up to date.
Be safe and good luck
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Dear Kendra, Faith, Danielle, Kitty and VM. Thank you for your replies. The cable and internet is back up this morning. Earlier this morning it looked like things were calming down a bit. The evacuation orders have been lifted for Simi Valley and parts of Thousand Oaks. However, watching the live news feeds, the high winds have increased again and restoking the fires. Winds gusting 50 to 60 mph. Hot ambers flying everywhere again. Hopefully we don't lose communications again.
...seeing my sister get a video from my other sister and feeling left out. The sender sister has bullied me dreadfully over the years for being trans. It was a reminder of the love my older sis doesn't have for me but does for my other sister. :(
Being hunted to extinction by those who want to stop me. :'(
Being called a Bitch by my own brother who does not recognize me for a me yet insults me in my preferred gender. WTF? ???
Being told your playing with your life every trip under the knife and the longer they take. WTF? I haven't even started HRT yet. All of us live with the risks and joys. I know some trans girls have died on the table. I accept the risks.
Living in a town that seems to hate me for being trans and having nothing to offer to help with my transition. Nearest LGBTQ center is an hour trip from here. Last time I rang them they were very rude. Seems they are welcoming to everyone except trans people. Argh!
Lastly I hate being cold. Winter sucks.
Lisa
Dreading fear and knowing I can't really do anything about it. I'm not sure if being trans and living as a woman makes me a better person... The alternative makes me feel empty though
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Quote from: Allison S on November 11, 2018, 01:43:38 PM
Dreading fear and knowing I can't really do anything about it. I'm not sure if being trans and living as a woman makes me a better person... The alternative makes me feel empty though
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Dear Allison! Check out this post from Jessica. It made me feel better today. I hope it will help you too.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233042.msg2193578.html#msg2193578
Hugs,
Donica.
Quote from: Donica on November 11, 2018, 01:54:40 PM
Dear Allison! Check out this post from Jessica. It made me feel better today. I hope it will help you too.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?action=profile;u=54627
Hugs,
Donica.
Hello, the link doesn't work for me [emoji20]
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Quote from: Allison S on November 11, 2018, 04:38:04 PM
Hello, the link doesn't work for me [emoji20]
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Oh my God! The cable and internet is down again. Trying to reach out to you all before my cellphone service fails again. So far so good. Guess I'll plug in another dvd and look out the window during the night. Thank God the power is still on.
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Quote from: Allison S on November 11, 2018, 04:38:04 PM
Hello, the link doesn't work for me [emoji20]
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The winds are changing and the consensus is the fires may head into the Eastern section of Simi Valley. They have already been at Rocky peck so perhaps the already burned out brush may keep the fires at Bay.
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Quote from: Allison S on November 11, 2018, 04:38:04 PM
Hello, the link doesn't work for me [emoji20]
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Oh crap! My phone is failing me again. Text if you got this?
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Quote from: Allison S on November 11, 2018, 04:38:04 PM
Hello, the link doesn't work for me [emoji20]
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I'm sorry Allison! I will correct the link issue when my internet access is restored. Bottom line, don't sweat the small stuff girl. It's not worth it.
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Been watching the news and really feel for the people dealing with fires all over California and everywhere else
There is a lot I miss about living in California, the yearly fire season is not one of them
Please Be Safe
There are things I would like to.get off my chest here, but I know that people will start throwing out solutions without having all these data and that will just make me sadder.
Ima try anyway. New thread coming.
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Quote from: Dee Marshall on November 12, 2018, 06:45:13 AM
There are things I would like to.get off my chest here, but I know that people will start throwing out solutions without having all these data and that will just make me sadder.
Ima try anyway. New thread coming.
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@Dee MarshallDear Dee:
I completely understand what you are saying here.... it is a good thing when we can "vent" but do know that when you vent on a forum like this one, that is full of caring and concerned members, many of which have followed your thread and your various postings and some of your life endeavors.... you will get unsolicited and sometimes unwanted advice and suggestions.... do not dismay, empathetic people that are familiar with you can find it very difficult to stand idly by while you are describing great difficulties and issues in your life.....
I did see your "new" thread, and your properly stated that you do not want advice or suggestions and that you just wanted to vent. I hope and trust that your thread readers will honor your request and just listen and not offer their "2 cents worth"
I also like to vent, and do it frequently, it really helps to clear my mind and allows me to process my feelings and my issues that I am dealing with.... and with a clearer mind I can attempt to formulate positive solutions and actions.
For more personal stuff I keep a private pen and paper journal complete with colorful doodling..... the good news with that is that the only advice and suggestions I will receive are from ME.
On the other hand... it is nice however to vent and share with other like-minded members that can indeed offer useful and helpful comments.
All of this is of course your choice and your choice alone....
Thanks for sharing and posting.... and continue on.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Allison S on November 11, 2018, 04:38:04 PM
Hello, the link doesn't work for me [emoji20]
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Sorry Allison! Here's the new link to Jessica's quote.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233042.msg2193578.html#msg2193578
Quote from: Donica on November 12, 2018, 12:23:58 PM
Sorry Allison! Here's the new link to Jessica's quote.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233042.msg2193578.html#msg2193578
No worries! Thank you for sharing ☺ it's very spot on
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I had a pretty long and intensive discussion with my ex today. Our son will get married next June, and she wants me to come to the wedding in guy mode. She is of the opinion that it is the major event for our son, and me coming as a female may take attention away from this event for him and his new wife. I told her that I will try, but I might not be able to hide my breasts under a suit coat (I have already a B cup, and six months longer estrogen might do quite some changes to this size). I told her that I might get mighty amounts of dysphoria if I come as a male, but I can understand her sentiments.
What would you girls do in a situation like this?
Hi Dietland,
Have you asked your son and future daughter in-law how they feel? I can't see how anything could detract from there day.
Nicole
Feeling very down, but more so physically than mentally. I think it's seasonal affective disorder hitting me. Plus a bit of dysphoria and I just drag everything I'm doing. I'm finding it harder to see how I can be productive like this and will have to mention this to my medical provider... But I don't see her for another month [emoji21]
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Quote from: Allison S on November 13, 2018, 05:53:40 AM
Feeling very down, but more so physically than mentally. I think it's seasonal affective disorder hitting me. Plus a bit of dysphoria and I just drag everything I'm doing. I'm finding it harder to see how I can be productive like this and will have to mention this to my medical provider... But I don't see her for another month [emoji21]
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It is a little early in the dark time of the year that would cause this symptom. This is more common in the very early spring, after long winter with little sun exposure. You could try to be exposed more to daylight type light fixtures.
But I think that this might be for a different reason, and you should talk to your med. provide about it.
You always should be able to make and earlier appointment, because this would not be a routine visit!
Quote from: Nicole70 on November 13, 2018, 12:14:58 AM
Hi Dietland,
Have you asked your son and future daughter in-law how they feel? I can't see how anything could detract from there day.
Nicole
I did that, and he was pretty wishi washi about it! I think he might even have complaint to mom, so she could talk to me!
I went to my first black tie dinner last night with a load of barristers and students who want to be barristers. I spent most of the day getting ready, my hair blown dry, nails done etc.
I'm having a great time, and this woman comes over to say that she wondered if she could do some work experience with me. I say of course, we start chatting and she's saying a few weird things almost like in code. About a minute in she comes out and says "I mean you were born a boy weren't you". I was devastated. I thought I was passing 100% these days and suddenly I'm having reassess how I view myself. Maybe the lack of issues from people is that people who I meet are cool with me being trans, rather than as I thought it which was people who I meet not realising that I am trans.
I asked her what it was about me that made her realise, and she basically was like "well, you can just tell" I tried to push her as I wanted to know if there was anything that I could do about it "oh no, theres nothing you can do about it, that'd be like me becoming Chinese, it cant be changed. You're trans, be happy how you are"
Now putting aside the absolute rudeness of her even saying it (which all my friends are fixating on, but thats not what bothers me), I'm now just so self critical. I've posted below my photos of last night. I think maybe my hair being pinned back was a mistake as I always wear in down and the whole thing made me realise that FFS is more needed than I maybe thought. I mean I knew that I wanted it, but this has really set me back emotionally and confidence wise no end.
(https://i.imgur.com/RzNY78Z.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/TJIo5ry.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/JXgEwd2.jpg)
Quote from: emma-f on November 25, 2018, 04:43:46 AM
I went to my first black tie dinner last night with a load of barristers and students who want to be barristers. I spent most of the day getting ready, my hair blown dry, nails done etc.
I'm having a great time, and this woman comes over to say that she wondered if she could do some work experience with me. I say of course, we start chatting and she's saying a few weird things almost like in code. About a minute in she comes out and says "I mean you were born a boy weren't you". I was devastated. I thought I was passing 100% these days and suddenly I'm having reassess how I view myself. Maybe the lack of issues from people is that people who I meet are cool with me being trans, rather than as I thought it which was people who I meet not realising that I am trans.
I asked her what it was about me that made her realise, and she basically was like "well, you can just tell" I tried to push her as I wanted to know if there was anything that I could do about it "oh no, theres nothing you can do about it, that'd be like me becoming Chinese, it cant be changed. You're trans, be happy how you are"
Now putting aside the absolute rudeness of her even saying it (which all my friends are fixating on, but thats not what bothers me), I'm now just so self critical. I've posted below my photos of last night. I think maybe my hair being pinned back was a mistake as I always wear in down and the whole thing made me realise that FFS is more needed than I maybe thought. I mean I knew that I wanted it, but this has really set me back emotionally and confidence wise no end.
Sorry that happened, but if your happiness depends upon how others perceive you, your happiness is always going to be in their hands.
Lots of people know I'm transgender, but they use my name and gender me properly, I can't really ask for more.
If she wouldn't tell you, you have no insight to her thoughts. Maybe it's your walk. Maybe it's your speech patterns. Maybe there was beard shadow. It doesn't matter, if you're going to fold up over not passing in someone else's eyes, it's going to be a rough ride for you.
Hugs, Devlyn
I don't see a real need for FFS in your pictures. The only semi male attribute I can see is your nose, it is a little large for the average female. Female noses tend to be turned up a little at the front, and you can see the nostrils a little, while yours is turned down.
In those pictures i can't see if you have an Adams Apple, because this is another slight attribute that might give you away.
I had a discussions about this with friends(female), asking what would give me away as being trans. I was born without a visible Adams Apple and with a more female looking nose, my face is that of an average female, but I am still identified as a trans woman. The major thing for it that was mentioned is how I walk, and how I move my body in general. There is a clear difference between male and female body movements (a learned behavior), and i think that might be it what gives many of us away. We might look very much like a woman, but move like a man Even I, who was always more girlish than most guys, seem still to move like a man.
Being relativ tall, I have the tendency to hang a little down/look down with my upper torso. This seems to be typically male, and gives me away!
Quote from: Dietlind on November 25, 2018, 08:22:36 AM
I don't see a real need for FFS in your pictures. The only semi male attribute I can see is your nose, it is a little large for the average female. Female noses tend to be turned up a little at the front, and you can see the nostrils a little, while yours is turned down.
In those pictures i can't see if you have an Adams Apple, because this is another slight attribute that might give you away.
I had a discussions about this with friends(female), asking what would give me away as being trans. I was born without a visible Adams Apple and with a more female looking nose, my face is that of an average female, but I am still identified as a trans woman. The major thing for it that was mentioned is how I walk, and how I move my body in general. There is a clear difference between male and female body movements (a learned behavior), and i think that might be it what gives many of us away. We might look very much like a woman, but move like a man Even I, who was always more girlish than most guys, seem still to move like a man.
Being relativ tall, I have the tendency to hang a little down/look down with my upper torso. This seems to be typically male, and gives me away!
Dietlind,
Yes, we need to walk the walk!
My walk has improved and I apparently have started to "subconciously perhaps?" fall into it sometimes when presenting as male. Once recently I was asked why I was walking "funny, sorta like a girl, did you fall on your hip or something?"
I told him there was no fall but that I was making very conscious efforts to improve my posture, as that better posture brings about many benefits. That in itself was not a lie but it was not the complete story, it was not the only reason for walking that way. But clearly, I wasn't in touch with my surroundings at that moment as I was walking in that more female like way at the time!
So I then tried to still walk upright with shoulders back but I placed my feet ahead of me in a more male movement pattern.
When walking as a female, and I look ahead in a reflection or look to the sides sometimes as you may pass by glass walls, I can see a slight hip movement as I walk. For sure, nowhere as much as a ciswoman, plus she has more hips and her pelvic tilt too. I wish I could see me from the back view as I walk. I try for sure to not exaggerate any swagger of the hips, to just walk "naturally," with shorter steps but at a tad faster pace.
I am more concerned about my voice. I am working on it. But the walk and mannerisms too.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on November 25, 2018, 09:57:52 AM
Dietlind,
I am more concerned about my voice. I am working on it. But the walk and mannerisms too.
Chrissy
The pitch of my voice seems not to be a problem. Because no Adams Apple gives me a smaller voice box and a more female pitch (around 180 hz average and 245 peak). But my speaking pattern is still very male, because I lower my voice at the end of sentences (females are increasing pitch at the end).
If I watch it, I can pass as female (older females tend to have lower voices anyway), but I always slip into that deep note at the end if I don't pay attention.
For me the give away's are my still rather short hair (I have a wig, but I hate to wear it), the way I move and the speaking pattern.
I think the walking can be a little controlled with higher heels on the shoes, because they do not allow for those long male strides. Some here report that they got a certain amount of pelvic tilt by taking estrogen. This might help to walk more like females because it brings the hip bones into a different position. So we can hope for that one.
But for the rest of my movements, I have no idea what to do about them, because nobody can put a finger on the things I do wrong with my moves. It is just wrong and not feminine! Many years of training to act like a tough male are hard to untrain!
Nothing that I care enough to to talk about
Quote from: V M on December 03, 2018, 04:04:18 PM
Nothing that I care enough to to talk about
Ditto
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My new running shoes have not shipped yet! It makes me angry.
Having a gift that is 100 miles away and waiting impatiently for it to come.
Lisa
PC mouse issues, it's like navigating with a malfunctioned rudder :P
Having no estrogen until some time next week (I hope)
Quote from: V M on December 04, 2018, 07:20:21 PM
PC mouse issues, it's like navigating with a malfunctioned rudder :P
Only a guess but if you have a ball mouse, have you opened it up and cleaned it. If it's optical, sometimes the optics need to be cleaned up. I have had more than one mouse misbehave and cleaning them out made them work like new.
Hurray!!! Mouse issue solved :icon_joy:
The husband of one of my supporting girl friends died last night. I drove her today to all kind of legal places to get everything under control. She was not able to drive by herself today.
It is my turn to help out now!
I am very unhappy to find out that a long time member, Laurie, has deleted her profile today....
I am very sad and depressed that such a good friend and caring and contributing member has left us.
Danielle *sad face* :( :icon_cry2:
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 07, 2018, 11:38:29 PM
I am very unhappy to find out that a long time member, Laurie, has deleted her profile today....
I am very sad and depressed that such a good friend and caring and contributing member has left us.
Danielle *sad face* :( :icon_cry2:
The good natured banter between Laurie and @HappyMoni is what attracted me to Susan's in the first place. All the other sources of information were so grim, with so much sniping and infighting, and I found the lighter atmosphere here so refreshing. I realized that as hard as what we're doing is, we're still allowed to have a little fun.
Whatever happened to prompt her and other friends to leave makes me worry that those days may be coming to an end. This is a very very sad thing to contemplate. We all need a place where everyone is respected and can loosen up, and Susan's has been my refuge. Let's hope that whatever it is that's caused the loss of our friends will pass. Our home here won't be the same without some of our friends, but maybe the tone will still be welcoming. Fingers crossed.
Hugs for everyone, especially you, Danielle.
Stephanie
The whole situation makes me feel sadder than I can really say.
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I will miss Laurie.
Chrissy
I received a request for a Skype call to my father Just 2 days prior to leaving to go to Melbourne for surgery I told him that I would "be in touch"
I received an email with yet another request for a Skype at Xmas but worse still is that he and my mother are coming to Adelaide to see me and my estranged brother in February . I don't want to see any of them...All I can see is week of pain and distress.
They have not seen me in three years...I had washed my hands of the lot of them. A full week of misgendering and dead naming along with my father aggressiveness towards me and my mothers silence....oh joy and then they are going to want me to reconcile with my creep of a brother....Sigh...Families
Little do they know I am having voice surgery the first of feb and am unable to speak for two weeks so I can only. The have not told me when in February they are coming so it would be Poetic justice that they arrive just after my surgery....Either way it's going to be unpleasant.
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Quote from: LizK on December 18, 2018, 06:58:42 PM
I received a request for a Skype call to my father Just 2 days prior to leaving to go to Melbourne for surgery I told him that I would "be in touch"
I received an email with yet another request for a Skype at Xmas but worse still is that he and my mother are coming to Adelaide to see me and my estranged brother in February . I don't want to see any of them...All I can see is week of pain and distress.
They have not seen me in three years...I had washed my hands of the lot of them. A full week of misgendering and dead naming along with my father aggressiveness towards me and my mothers silence....oh joy and then they are going to want me to reconcile with my creep of a brother....Sigh...Families
Little do they know I am having voice surgery the first of feb and am unable to speak for two weeks so I can only. The have not told me when in February they are coming so it would be Poetic justice that they arrive just after my surgery....Either way it's going to be unpleasant.
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Oh dear that sounds fun!
Do you want to borrow Esmerelda and a few of her friends to greet them?
Any chance her and a few of her sisters could get together maybe put on a few kgs each an scare them quiet lol
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Frustration with designing my new tattoo. I am trying to make something ugly pretty
I removed my Christmas thread. Sorry.
Slipped on the ice outside, sprained my left arm from my wrist up to my neck and can barely hang on to a guitar pick and one of my back teeth broke off :P
Oh Virgina are you okay?I hope you are able to get checked out my a medic
[emoji3]
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Quote from: LizK on December 19, 2018, 03:11:08 AM
Oh Virgina are you okay?I hope you are able to get checked out my a medic
[emoji3]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thanks Liz
I'll be okay, just a bit annoyed with the situation and the painful numbness makes me nauseous
Quote from: V M on December 19, 2018, 03:08:45 AM
Slipped on the ice outside, sprained my left arm from my wrist up to my neck and can barely hang on to a guitar pick and one of my back teeth broke off :P
Owee! :'(
Quote from: V M on December 19, 2018, 03:21:30 AM
Thanks Liz
I'll be okay, just a bit annoyed with the situation and the painful numbness makes me nauseous
I hope you apply generous amounts of ice pack on the hurting areas!
Get better soon.
One of the reason that I moved to Florida was my annual tradition to slip on the ice!
knowing how much its going to cost to fix my stress induced bruxism damage to my front teeth...
Finding out that General Anesthesia caused a sinus infection.....oof
Quote from: Jessica on December 19, 2018, 06:51:36 PM
Finding out that General Anesthesia caused a sinus infection.....oof
How that? That does not make much sense to me!
Quote from: Dietlind on December 19, 2018, 06:58:32 PM
How that? That does not make much sense to me!
With assisted breathing my sinuses compacted. Everyone is different. I've had sinus issues forever. This is what happened to me. Not much that needs to be understood.
Quote from: Jessica on December 19, 2018, 08:09:50 PM
With assisted breathing my sinuses compacted. Everyone is different. I've had sinus issues forever. This is what happened to me. Not much that needs to be understood.
I understand!
I made my living in infection control & prevention, and I just asked out of professional curiosity.
This day started out great, I checked the tracking of my orders and it seemed that all three of them will arrive today to the automated parcel box I have chosen. Then the confirmation messages started coming in, first one is there, great. I knew the other two will arrive there today as well so I waited.
Then the next two messages arrived saying they dropped off my orders at the post office instead of the automated parcel box.
The problem is that they are all addressed to a person who officially does not exist yet, me as a female.
I obviously cannot show any ID to prove that I am that person. I don't want to forge authorization papers written by my officially non-existent self to get them using my current ID.
And as our government stopped processing name and gender marker change requests 6 months ago there is absolutely no way to get IDs to my chosen name(and I'm not really ready for full-time...).
If I don't pick them up, they'll send them back so I'll have to pay for delivery again and wait another month to get them.
Quote from: Lynne on December 20, 2018, 09:07:49 AM
This day started out great, I checked the tracking of my orders and it seemed that all three of them will arrive today to the automated parcel box I have chosen. Then the confirmation messages started coming in, first one is there, great. I knew the other two will arrive there today as well so I waited.
Then the next two messages arrived saying they dropped off my orders at the post office instead of the automated parcel box.
The problem is that they are all addressed to a person who officially does not exist yet, me as a female.
I obviously cannot show any ID to prove that I am that person. I don't want to forge authorization papers written by my officially non-existent self to get them using my current ID.
And as our government stopped processing name and gender marker change requests 6 months ago there is absolutely no way to get IDs to my chosen name(and I'm not really ready for full-time...).
If I don't pick them up, they'll send them back so I'll have to pay for delivery again and wait another month to get them.
Won't the post office send you a parcel pickup notice? I've never been asked for ID when presenting one of those.
Quote from: Lynne on December 20, 2018, 09:07:49 AM
If I don't pick them up, they'll send them back so I'll have to pay for delivery again and wait another month to get them.
@Lynne Dear Lynne,
Here in the USA if I miss a delivery at home, the Postal Carrier will usually leave a postcard form that can be sent in or phoned in to the local Post Office for a re-delivery attempt at no additional charge.
I am not sure how it might be in your country but perhaps a phone call or leaving a note for your post office and/or postal carrier to request
re-delivery to your home.Good luck, please keep us all updated.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Devlyn on December 20, 2018, 10:09:11 AM
Won't the post office send you a parcel pickup notice? I've never been asked for ID when presenting one of those.
No, as this was originally supposed to be placed in an automated parcel box. In this case you get an SMS notification on your phone with the opening code, you go there, input your phone number and the code and the box which holds your package opens. They don't even know your address in this case so there is nowhere to send the pickup notice.
When they didn't have enough space there they switched to post office pickup but they still only had the name I entered, my phone number and the package number.
And even if you get a pickup notice, the rules state that you have to show your ID if you wish to get your package and they always record the ID number and name of the person who picked up the package.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 20, 2018, 01:04:02 PM
@Lynne
Dear Lynne,
Here in the USA if I miss a delivery at home, the Postal Carrier will usually leave a postcard form that can be sent in or phoned in to the local Post Office for a re-delivery attempt at no additional charge.
I am not sure how it might be in your country but perhaps a phone call or leaving a note for your post office and/or postal carrier to request re-delivery to your home.
Good luck, please keep us all updated.
Hugs,
Danielle
If I choose home delivery and they don't find me home, they will leave a pickup notice but in this case they should have delivered it to an automated parcel locker similar to this:
(https://beta.techcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/amazon-locker-7-11-hoboken-fall-2012.jpg)
In the end I went to the post office to see if anything can be done without explaining the whole MtF transitioning thing to them.
Luckily, because I had the package numbers on my phone and I knew who sent the package and the recipient name as well, and even the family names matched(what a surprise), they gave me the packages. They recorded my current ID number and name in the system, if the original recipient says that she didn't get the package, they know where to find me. But I probably won't call the police on myself as I gave myself the package when I got home :D
Getting sick of people saying that I look like the ">-bleeped-< " "guy " from the game stop thing going on line like really give it up grrrrrrrrrrr happened at work, messages on my pof account and on Instagram see one persons qction can cause crap for others it is bs though
Was at the urologist today, because of the pain I have in my testicles, hoping he would agree that a removal of them could be a viable option. I seem to have an inflammation of the Vas Deference. He prescribed some antibiotics, and wants to see me back in 3 weeks, and hew ants to discuss any orchiectomy with his peers.
They seem to have a policy here in SW Florida hat they will not do any orchiectomy for transgender reasons alone. He told me clearly that I would not find a urology surgeon here, who would do this!
He also told me that it would not bring much, because my testicles are so far atrophied that it is not very likely that they produce any testosterone anymore.
That is at least one good news, but I would still prefer the things to be gone, because they are in the way all the time, even as little as they are!
Quote from: Lynne on December 20, 2018, 02:29:37 PM
If I choose home delivery and they don't find me home, they will leave a pickup notice but in this case they should have delivered it to an automated parcel locker similar to this:
(https://beta.techcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/amazon-locker-7-11-hoboken-fall-2012.jpg)
In the end I went to the post office to see if anything can be done without explaining the whole MtF transitioning thing to them.
Luckily, because I had the package numbers on my phone and I knew who sent the package and the recipient name as well, and even the family names matched(what a surprise), they gave me the packages. They recorded my current ID number and name in the system, if the original recipient says that she didn't get the package, they know where to find me. But I probably won't call the police on myself as I gave myself the package when I got home :D
It is nice to receive gifts occasionally, even from yourself! :)
Chrissy
My favorite of our dogs got killed by a delivery truck today. Deaf old girl probably didn't even hear it.
I use Amazon Locker a lot when I don't want questions about what I get. Much easier to just go pick it up. Less theft.
Quote from: SiobhánF on January 04, 2019, 10:21:28 PM
I use Amazon Locker a lot when I don't want questions about what I get. Much easier to just go pick it up. Less theft.
I have a ring doorbell, and can see and record if anybody comes close to my stuff, and I can yell at them that I will let the dog out!
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on January 04, 2019, 10:20:35 PM
My favorite of our dogs got killed by a delivery truck today. Deaf old girl probably didn't even hear it.
That is very sad, rest her soul :'(
Well... Emotions are still hitting me like a bulldozer... Someone tried to tell me that they helped me in my transition... How? I have no idea how they helped me other than merely existing. They actually hurt me when they used to talk behind my back... She admitted she did talk behind my back and I told her that I always knew and at least she's admitting it now. It still hurts and I don't trust her at all...
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Quote from: Colleen_definitely on January 04, 2019, 10:20:35 PM
My favorite of our dogs got killed by a delivery truck today. Deaf old girl probably didn't even hear it.
Big hug! They take a piece of our hearts with them when they leave us. Farewell, girl.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Allison S on January 09, 2019, 06:48:48 AM
Well... Emotions are still hitting me like a bulldozer... Someone tried to tell me that they helped me in my transition... How? I have no idea how they helped me other than merely existing. They actually hurt me when they used to talk behind my back... She admitted she did talk behind my back and I told her that I always knew and at least she's admitting it now. It still hurts and I don't trust her at all...
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You have to learn to shed your relations with people who are not for you and/or supporting you. Life is way to short to not have as many good feelings as one possibly can have!
I do not want to be surrounded by negative people anymore, life is a ball, and I want to participate in it!
I hope you feel better pretty soon !
Hugs
Linde
Quote from: Dietlind on January 09, 2019, 07:01:49 AM
You have to learn to shed your relations with people who are not for you and/or supporting you. Life is way to short to not have as many good feelings as one possibly can have!
I do not want to be surrounded by negative people anymore, life is a ball, and I want to participate in it!
I hope you feel better pretty soon !
Hugs
Linde
Oh yes, I feel better with every passing moment. Thank you [emoji4] I'm learning to do that Dietlind, I wish I could learn faster and really get to a place where I only have supportive friends... But it's been a lot of trial and error for me with people in real life and I actually have my closest transitioning allies and friends are actually from this forum...
I do know I can be difficult myself at times, but it did hurt me that she's always disregarded me and would talk about me to someone else as if I was less than them... She even acknowledged that I've come a long way in my transition, but I don't know what that has to do with her? And why anyone would think that my transition measures my worth (or in this increases it?)... I'm honestly feeling that the nyc trans community is very vicious and I guess people hurt me more than helped me. You're right though and it's time for me to make better long lasting friends.
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Quote from: Allison S on January 09, 2019, 07:14:29 AM
I do know I can be difficult myself at times, but it did hurt me that she's always disregarded me and would talk about me to someone else as if I was less than them... She even acknowledged that I've come a long way in my transition, but I don't know what that has to do with her? And why anyone would think that my transition measures my worth (or in this increases it?)... I'm honestly feeling that the nyc trans community is very vicious and I guess people hurt me more than helped me. You're right though and it's time for me to make better long lasting friends.
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Could it be that she is jealous about you? You might have nicer hair, or a prettier face, or bigger boobs, and whatever, or all of the above? And she sees in you a competitor for whatever rank? And hopes to increase her standing by talking you own and bad about you?
I don't know anything about the NY trans community, but it is made up of people, like any other community. And some people are nice, while others are less nice. One has to learn to not hang out with the lesser nice ones.
I know, it is easier said than done, but a good start is to let go of the ones who purposely try to hurt one!
(and I still wish, I would have your hair, rather than those straight things I have growing on my head)
Hugs
Linde
Quote from: Dietlind on January 09, 2019, 07:36:34 AM
Could it be that she is jealous about you? You might have nicer hair, or a prettier face, or bigger boobs, and whatever, or all of the above? And she sees in you a competitor for whatever rank? And hopes to increase her standing by talking you own and bad about you?
I don't know anything about the NY trans community, but it is made up of people, like any other community. And some people are nice, while others are less nice. One has to learn to not hang out with the lesser nice ones.
I know, it is easier said than done, but a good start is to let go of the ones who purposely try to hurt one!
(and I still wish, I would have your hair, rather than those straight things I have growing on my head)
Hugs
Linde
I don't know. She usually seems aloof to me.
I think naturally straight hair is beautiful and I'm sure matches your features perfectly. I get it though, because I always wish to have naturally straight, silky and smooth hair. Almost everyone I know who has curly hair straightens it and I always have people telling me to straighten mine... It's definitely more diserable to have straight hair! But, since I (finally) embraced being trans I feel like I can embrace my frizzy hair too. It's about time...
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Quote from: Allison S on January 09, 2019, 09:22:58 AM
I think naturally straight hair is beautiful and I'm sure matches your features perfectly. I get it though, because I always wish to have naturally straight, silky and smooth hair.
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And i hink that my hair is as boring as can be, lots of boring hair that is! I dream of locks and curls and feel they make a face look way more feminin that my utilitarian hair does, I mean, compared to it a straight line is pretty much curved!
Nicotine abstinence. One month with out vaping now, 4 months with out cigarettes. But its getting better.
Quote from: Swedishgirl96 on January 09, 2019, 11:53:52 AM
Nicotine abstinence. One month with out vaping now, 4 months with out cigarettes. But its getting better.
Welcome to the club! I used to smoke 3 packs a day, but gave it up 35 years ago!
Quote from: Dietlind on January 09, 2019, 12:04:52 PM
Welcome to the club! I used to smoke 3 packs a day, but gave it up 35 years ago!
Haha vielen dank!
Oh that's a lot! How did you have time to smoke that much? Different times I guess.
Have you ever had a relapse during this time?
Quote from: Swedishgirl96 on January 09, 2019, 12:34:30 PM
Haha vielen dank!
Oh that's a lot! How did you have time to smoke that much? Different times I guess.
Have you ever had a relapse during this time?
I was always in an office/lab environment, and had the chance to have cigarette in my hand whenever I felt like it.
I did not ant to smoke around my new born child, so I decided to stop cold turkey. I have had never ever something to smoke in my hands since. (and I saved a hell of a lot of money, I just wish I would have stashed it away!)
This is my go to thread it seems... I actually go out of my way to find it to post. Well, I still feel like I'm in "recovery". It's not good or bad, but I can still feel unhappy along the way...
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Quote from: Allison S on January 20, 2019, 09:19:26 AM
This is my go to thread it seems... I actually go out of my way to find it to post. Well, I still feel like I'm in "recovery". It's not good or bad, but I can still feel unhappy along the way...
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Do you know the causes that make you feel unhappy?
Everybody has times they feel down, but I never feel like having to find this post! My unhappiness goes over so fast that it is not really worth to mention it!
I hope you can push your unhappiness to the side and be happy most of the time!
Good luck and hugs
Linde
Quote from: Allison S on January 20, 2019, 09:19:26 AM
This is my go to thread it seems... I actually go out of my way to find it to post. Well, I still feel like I'm in "recovery". It's not good or bad, but I can still feel unhappy along the way...
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Allison,
I hope that you will feel better about life in general consistently and that your days ahead are wonderful for you. :)
Chrissy
Quote from: Dietlind on January 20, 2019, 10:28:00 AM
Do you know the causes that make you feel unhappy?
Everybody has times they feel down, but I never feel like having to find this post! My unhappiness goes over so fast that it is not really worth to mention it!
I hope you can push your unhappiness to the side and be happy most of the time!
Good luck and hugs
Linde
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 20, 2019, 10:33:08 AM
Allison,
I hope that you will feel better about life in general consistently and that your days ahead are wonderful for you. :)
Chrissy
Thank you Linde and Chrissy [emoji173]
Linde, I guess I feel deficient in so many ways. Never having a bf... I'm 28 now. Things are changing, but I'm just not sure how to date and be in a relationship.
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Quote from: Allison S on January 20, 2019, 07:12:10 PM
Thank you Linde and Chrissy [emoji173]
Linde, I guess I feel deficient in so many ways. Never having a bf... I'm 28 now. Things are changing, but I'm just not sure how to date and be in a relationship.
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Just be yourself and natural! When i was a guy, and I am told that I was a very handsome one, I never wanted to get involved with a "Barby Doll" or some type of "Valley Girl". I wanted a good looking but down to earth girl, who was willing to just share my everyday, taher boring some times, life with me! My son is extremely handsome, and half the girls in high school were after him, but my daughter in law is just a normal looking girl with just normal attitudes!
If you are who you are, Mr. Right will come along. I was 34 when I got married, we stated to date when I was 30.
If those hairs I see in your avatar is your hair, you have already a pretty good start in finding a nice guy. I think you hair looks very attractive! What is deficient about not having had a boy friend in your age? Are we in kind of a race who will land in bed first?
Just work on your confidence and self worthiness, and you will get a very nice guy one of these days, who will adore you and carry you on his hands. Dating is nothing you can really learn, you feel it inside your heart. Otherwise go out with a group of friends, and just have fun.
Happy, smiling girls are way more attractive than grumpy ones. Be happy, smile and just take it easy, life is great and you will find a great part in it!
Hugs, and lots of fun!
Linde
Quote from: Dietlind on January 20, 2019, 07:40:49 PM
Just be yourself and natural! When i was a guy, and I am told that I was a very handsome one, I never wanted to get involved with a "Barby Doll" or some type of "Valley Girl". I wanted a good looking but down to earth girl, who was willing to just share my everyday, taher boring some times, life with me! My son is extremely handsome, and half the girls in high school were after him, but my daughter in law is just a normal looking girl with just normal attitudes!
If you are who you are, Mr. Right will come along. I was 34 when I got married, we stated to date when I was 30.
If those hairs I see in your avatar is your hair, you have already a pretty good start in finding a nice guy. I think you hair looks very attractive! What is deficient about not having had a boy friend in your age? Are we in kind of a race who will land in bed first?
Just work on your confidence and self worthiness, and you will get a very nice guy one of these days, who will adore you and carry you on his hands. Dating is nothing you can really learn, you feel it inside your heart. Otherwise go out with a group of friends, and just have fun.
Happy, smiling girls are way more attractive than grumpy ones. Be happy, smile and just take it easy, life is great and you will find a great part in it!
Hugs, and lots of fun!
Linde
No that's a wig in my pic. My hair is bob length, curly/wavy and black. I'm waiting until I'm far along in my transition to where I'm comfortable in myself to date. I'm getting there, but it takes time... I know age doesn't factor into relationships though so you're right about that.
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Quote from: Allison S on January 21, 2019, 04:40:04 AM
No that's a wig in my pic. My hair is bob length, curly/wavy and black. I'm waiting until I'm far along in my transition to where I'm comfortable in myself to date. I'm getting there, but it takes time... I know age doesn't factor into relationships though so you're right about that.
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I wish so much I would have nice wavy, curly hair. My hair is so straight, you can use it to straighten out a ruler with it!
I don't know how far along you are in being a woman, but whatever it is, from what I read here, you seem to be a really nice and considered girl, and every guy should be happy to bring you home!
He is waiting out there for you, just give him time to find you!
Good luck and hugs!
Linde
Reading about a scumbag on trial for beating his girlfriend's baby to death. What makes it even worse is that it was over several months.
Quote from: Dietlind on January 21, 2019, 10:00:43 AM
I wish so much I would have nice wavy, curly hair. My hair is so straight, you can use it to straighten out a ruler with it!
I don't know how far along you are in being a woman, but whatever it is, from what I read here, you seem to be a really nice and considered girl, and every guy should be happy to bring you home!
He is waiting out there for you, just give him time to find you!
Good luck and hugs!
Linde
It is sorta funny, many ladies with curly hair want straight hair.
Many ladies with straight hair want curly hair.
I wonder if this is the "grass is greener on the other side of the hill effect" or simply ladies wanting a change? :)
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 21, 2019, 11:21:51 AM
It is sorta funny, many ladies with curly hair want straight hair.
Many ladies with straight hair want curly hair.
I wonder if this the "grass is greener on the other side of the hill effect" or simply ladies wanting a change? :)
Chrissy
I don't know either. I had this straight stuff on my head all my life, and i always (as a guy) wanted to have some wavy type of hair. Specifically in those days when guy had longer hair (the early Beatles type of do). I knew for sure that the women would just flock around me if would just have wavy hair. I gave up on my hope and desire to have anybody flocking around me, but I still dream of wavy hair!
An absolute gem of a moron. Must remind myself never to underestimate certain so-called tolerant progressives. If you don't think exactly the way they do, they are quite happy to throw every homophobic and transphobic slur at you. So up their own arse they've found the fifth dimension in there.
Quote from: Kylo on January 22, 2019, 08:51:49 AM
So up their own arse they've found the fifth dimension in there.
I'm stealing this line. Brilliant. :D
Militant groupthinkers are a real joy to deal with.
I haven't started my car in a while so I decided to take it for a spin around the block and to get some fuel.
Just as I left the parking lot the car started sputtering but I thought that this was caused by the low fuel levels so I proceeded to get fuel.
After leaving the petrol station the situation became worse and eventually I stopped in the middle of a busy road. After 3 restarts I managed to at least get out of the way of the traffic. Tried to restart it until the battery died too.
I had to push my car to the nearest parking lot. Because I did not anticipate any problems with the car I chose to wear my new dress and new high heel boots which made made this exercise a lot more difficult while providing great show for everyone who watched. Nobody stopped to help.
Then I packed all the expensive tools in a big bag and removed the battery from the car. With battery in one hand and a big heavy bag in the other hand I walked home in heels.
When I got home I realized that I somehow damaged my new boots, I wasn't happy.
I'm sorry to hear this. I hope the car is an easy fix and your boots aren't beyond repair.
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on January 26, 2019, 10:37:13 PM
I'm sorry to hear this. I hope the car is an easy fix and your boots aren't beyond repair.
Thank you! After I charged the battery and cleaned the battery terminals the car started instantly, quickly drove it back to the secured parking lot and drove it for a while there. In the end it started doing the same thing as yesterday but at least now it stopped only a few meters from my spot. I plan to fix other things as well but I need to make it reliable again before anything else.
The scratches on my boots annoy me because I was careless and damaged them on the same day I bought them, I wouldn't mind these scratches after wearing them a for few months.
So it's started
My Parents arrive in 2 days for a one week visit
My Father sent out the itinerary today. He is in NZ and he addressed it to my three brothers and and me
Opening line was
Hi Guys...
This is the way he always address us when sending an email to his sons...if he included Meryl or my daughters it was always
Hi Guys and Gals
SIGH! It's going to be a long week
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Quote from: LizK on February 12, 2019, 06:24:13 AM
Opening line was
Hi Guys...
This is the way he always address us when sending an email to his sons...if he included Meryl or my daughters it was always
He may have picked it up in the midwest of the US. Guys is an absolutely gender neutral expression there, and it even has a plural that is "yous guys"
Quote from: Dietlind on February 12, 2019, 11:48:26 AM
He may have picked it up in the midwest of the US. Guys is an absolutely gender neutral expression there, and i even has a plural that is "yous guys"
Uh huh. Acid test: "Imagine a picture of two guys kissing. Describe it to me."
::)
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 12, 2019, 03:21:28 PM
Uh huh. Acid test: "Imagine a picture of two guys kissing. Describe it to me."
::)
This I can do easily, as long as I am not to be involved!
Two guys hug each other closely and start kissing a little around in each others face, and finally French kiss each other with a lot of loving desire, while their hands wander up and down the back of the other person.
I have nothing against gay men, or men as such, as long as I do not have to be part of an romantic encounter with them.
I have zero hang ups with any kind of seuality, as long as both partners are agree with it. Some versions of sexuality are just not my cup of tea. As another example, I would never ever want to get involved in BDSM stuff, no matter if it is hetero, gay, or lesbian. But I know some people who really like it, and I feel good for them that they have this kind of outlet!
Quote from: Dietlind on February 12, 2019, 03:36:21 PM
This I can do easily, as long as I am not to be involved!
Two guys hug each other closely and start kissing a little around in each others face, and finally French kiss each other with a lot of loving desire, while their hands wander up and down the back of the other person.
I have nothing against gay men, or men as such, as long as I do not have to be part of an romantic encounter with them.
Linde, I just asked that to demonstrate that, as you responded, 'guys' is definitely not gender-neutral. Imagining 'two guys kissing' immediately produced an image of two males kissing in the minds of almost everyone I have challenged with this little test. I am convinced that 'guys' is not gender neutral in this culture, without regard to protests otherwise.
Guys can be a gender neutral term, but it depends upon usage :) ie: You walk into a pizza parlor and see a group of friends and other people of mixed genders and you say "Hey guys, how's it goin'?"
In Liz's case it does not sound like it was used in a gender neutral fashion
Hugs Liz :icon_chick:
The massive dump of snow we got the last couple days
On the west coast...
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 12, 2019, 03:55:24 PM
Linde, I just asked that to demonstrate that, as you responded, 'guys' is definitely not gender-neutral. Imagining 'two guys kissing' immediately produced an image of two males kissing in the minds of almost everyone I have challenged with this little test. I am convinced that 'guys' is not gender neutral in this culture, without regard to protests otherwise.
Up in the Twin Cities area, girls or women address each other with "guys". It has nothing to do with gender there, it is more like the southern "you all", which is also gender neutral. If you say to guys, you remove the neutrality and means two specific people, which are male, like two girls are female.
OK, here is an example, several girls are together, and on says, "I go shopping, do you guys come with?" (yes, they still use parts of the German grammar up there). Or it can be a mixed gender group, and the question would also be: "What are you guys doing today". Nobody would be offended or see anything wrong with this!
Quote from: V M on February 12, 2019, 04:06:16 PM
Guys can be a gender neutral term, but it depends upon usage :) ie: You walk into a pizza parlor and see a group of friends and other people of mixed genders and you say "Hey guys, how's it goin'?"
In Liz's case it does not sound like it was used in a gender neutral fashion
Hugs Liz :icon_chick:
Hi V M
"Guys" used in the way you describe is absolutely gender neutral. I use it this way myself but you are also right that in the context I describe, it is not....
Why not just refer to me as Liz
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Quote from: Dietlind on February 12, 2019, 11:48:26 AM
He may have picked it up in the midwest of the US. Guys is an absolutely gender neutral expression there, and it even has a plural that is "yous guys"
Hi Linde
In the context you used it then I agree but this context is far different to that.
Appreciate your thoughts
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Quote from: Michelle_P on February 12, 2019, 03:55:24 PM
Linde, I just asked that to demonstrate that, as you responded, 'guys' is definitely not gender-neutral. Imagining 'two guys kissing' immediately produced an image of two males kissing in the minds of almost everyone I have challenged with this little test. I am convinced that 'guys' is not gender neutral in this culture, without regard to protests otherwise.
Hi Michelle
I think it depends largely on context and also is this the way this person would normally use it. In the example I gave it certainly isn't gender neutral. [emoji847][emoji847]
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Quote from: LizK on February 12, 2019, 06:25:44 PM
Hi V M
"Guys" used in the way you describe is absolutely gender neutral. I use it this way myself but you are also right that in the context I describe, it is not....
Why not just refer to me as Liz
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Yep, my family is very unaccepting of pretty much everything other than their own opinions regarding me
Although it hurts, I know that they're not going to change and so I don't even try anymore
I have friends say dude but I've seen them do that to
Our cis female friends. I've referred to my girlfriends as
Guys too and their cis.. on the other hand this is probably
More of a Canadian thing but I feel being called buddy is more of a
Masculine term. My dad still calls me bud and it drives me nuts
Mmmm, I don't know but when I lived in Southern California Dude, Guys, Buddy whatever were all fairly gender neutral
But possibly that's because that's what most of the cis females that I knew seem to prefer, most of them didn't like being called the common terms like Chick, Babe, Baby, Honey, Sweetheart etc. because they felt those terms to be misogynistic like they were being looked down upon or weren't being treated as equals or something
I think like mentioned earlier it's probably better to address people by their name or whatever they prefer
Quote from: V M on February 12, 2019, 10:32:14 PM
Mmmm, I don't know but when I lived in Southern California Dude, Guys, Buddy whatever were all fairly gender neutral
But possibly that's because that's what most of the cis females that I knew seem to prefer, most of them didn't like being called the common terms like Chick, Babe, Baby, Honey, Sweetheart etc. because they felt those terms to be misogynistic like they were being looked down upon or weren't being treated as equals or something
I think like mentioned earlier it's probably better to address people by their name or whatever they prefer
Most my friends are surfers so I hear everything
One of my friends say brothers mother ..
but that stopped awhile ago when I came out to him
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 12, 2019, 03:55:24 PM
I am convinced that 'guys' is not gender neutral in this culture, without regard to protests otherwise.
Stated as just a data point: Cassie and I spent Saturday working on a project as part of a group that prides themselves as "all-women." It's an international organization of women pilots whose goal is to work together for our mutual benefit. The leaders and all the rest of us women used "guys" interchangeably with "ladies" as a term to address the group all day long, and no one thought twice about it except Cassie and me, because of conversations like this. Maybe it's a regional thing. This is in the southeast US, though there were native Spanish- and French-speaking members there, too.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Context is important. I'm sorry your dad is using it in the negative one, Liz.
Stephanie
I have always insisted that as we transition, we each have to find our own path, do what each of us as individuals need to do to find and fully live as our authentic selves. That includes our sexual orientation. I firmly believe that our sexual orientation is not tightly tied to our gender identity, but is something else that we need to explore and fully determine for ourselves free of cultural, social, and peer demands.
That is, as I made my transition to fully live my life as a woman, that my sexual orientation may not necessarily shift such that I desire to engage in sex with men. That is a cultural stereotype of transgender women. Rather, I beleive that each of us needs to determine for ourselves what our deepest desires drive us toward. As with any change in life, we need to consider why we might want to change. Are we changing to please others, meet a demand of a cultural stereotype, or a peer group? Or is that change something that is needed from within ourselves, something that we need to do to live as our authentic selves?
I have been surprised to get considerable pushback against this. I have been shocked to find that others place meeting cultural stereotypes and peer pressure, a desire to get others to accept oneself, over their own internal feelings.
This makes me unhappy. I've been rejected by other groups because I didn't want to meet their stereotypes. Now I'm seeing that here.
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 13, 2019, 10:52:11 AM
I have always insisted that as we transition, we each have to find our own path, do what each of us as individuals need to do to find and fully live as our authentic selves. That includes our sexual orientation. I firmly believe that our sexual orientation is not tightly tied to our gender identity, but is something else that we need to explore and fully determine for ourselves free of cultural, social, and peer demands.
That is, as I made my transition to fully live my life as a woman, that my sexual orientation may not necessarily shift such that I desire to engage in sex with men. That is a cultural stereotype of transgender women. Rather, I beleive that each of us needs to determine for ourselves what our deepest desires drive us toward. As with any change in life, we need to consider why we might want to change. Are we changing to please others, meet a demand of a cultural stereotype, or a peer group? Or is that change something that is needed from within ourselves, something that we need to do to live as our authentic selves?
I have been surprised to get considerable pushback against this. I have been shocked to find that others place meeting cultural stereotypes and peer pressure, a desire to get others to accept oneself, over their own internal feelings.
This makes me unhappy. I've been rejected by other groups because I didn't want to meet their stereotypes. Now I'm seeing that here.
That makes me sad, too. As I posted the TOS to a new member yesterday, I assured them that those rules were there to keep this place friendly and helpful. Then I took the time to reread them, and if they are followed and/or enforced, there is no place for anything like you're talking about.
I myself see very little possibility of my sexual preferences changing even after I finish my transition. I am still, and expect to continue to be, powerfully drawn to women. I am deeply in love with a woman now (and I refuse to think of her with a hyphenated prefix, as I do not for myself either), and hope to stay that way for a very long time, if not forever. I'm not particularly vocal about it, which may be why I haven't been hassled about it here, but it's me and my life, and I've fought through too much to let any haters who would pigeonhole me win.
Hang in there Michelle. Those who love you far outnumber the hasslers. Illegitimi non carborundum.
Stephanie
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 13, 2019, 10:52:11 AM
This makes me unhappy. I've been rejected by other groups because I didn't want to meet their stereotypes. Now I'm seeing that here.
Michelle, I don't think that you are rejected (after all, i seem to have a very similar opinion about the sexual orientation with you). It is just hard to understand for some people tha your femininity, and the resulting courting of men did not make you want to get involved with men.
If we have a build in switch that can b energized and we will appreciate men as sexual partners, I have yet to find this switch. I find any courting attempts as bothersome, and wish the guys would leave me alone. I feel that I am even more female oriented than you, bcause you are able to decide by the presentation of a person, while for me, it has to be a woman to get my interest going.
But I don't think that either you nor I are rejected here, we just feel different, and that is it!
Arghh.. I just learned that an event I would have liked to go to as female will be very soon and they will hold it in the office building I work in. Because I'm not full-time I can't attend, I don't want to have pictures taken of me as a 'man' and it would be a bad idea to use this event to come out to my co-workers who plan to attend.
Quote from: Lynne on February 18, 2019, 05:53:26 PM
Arghh.. I just learned that an event I would have liked to go to as female will be very soon and they will hold it in the office building I work in. Because I'm not full-time I can't attend, I don't want to have pictures taken of me as a 'man' and it would be a bad idea to use this event to come out to my co-workers who plan to attend.
@Lynne Dear Lynne:
I am so sorry to hear about the event that you won't be able to attend....
... you can be looking forward to the day that you will be full-time and not have to hide your secret any longer.
Hugs,
Danielle
Still having that disgusting thing.
Quote from: mac1 on February 18, 2019, 08:23:01 PM
Still having that disgusting thing.
@mac1 Dear Mac1:I am so very sorry to hear of your unhappiness.
At some point in your life journey you do know that there is something you can do about
"it" ... !!!
Hugs,
Danielle
I cut my nails this morning, it felt awful. They were the one thing I was doing to take the edge off. Working at keeping them shaped is so soothing. But they were getting too long, and they were breaking all the time at work. Such a little thing and I feel crushed. I know they grow back, and I can start again, but it has me feeling crappy now.
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I don't have a job yet even though I have been working with the VR due to my mental illness (mostly GAD) and have been alone in this apartment for a week since my husband works and we don't have another car. I am seeing my mother tomorrow, who I am afraid to see now because of an outburst she had last week....Our poor cat Bubsy who was only 4 years old dropped dead early in the morning not too long ago due to unknown reasons ( we saw this happen).:( She was having bad flea allergies and I'm assuming it had something to do with that......I miss her so much and start to cry when I try to talk about her. It was such a traumatic experience for both me and my husband. This apartment is so sad and lonely now and only reminds me of Bubsy dying.
Quote from: OliverR. on February 26, 2019, 09:44:29 AM
I don't have a job yet even though I have been working with the VR due to my mental illness (mostly GAD) and have been alone in this apartment for a week since my husband works and we don't have another car. I am seeing my mother tomorrow, who I am afraid to see now because of an outburst she had last week....Our poor cat Bubsy who was only 4 years old dropped dead early in the morning not too long ago due to unknown reasons ( we saw this happen).:( She was having bad flea allergies and I'm assuming it had something to do with that......I miss her so much and start to cry when I try to talk about her. It was such a traumatic experience for both me and my husband. This apartment is so sad and lonely now and only reminds me of Bubsy dying.
That is a sad thing. I know to well how it is loosing a beloved animal. They become part of the family, and it is very hard to let them go!
I can still hear the noise she made when it happened:( I'm happy we were able to give her a home for the remainder of her life though, she was a shelter cat and since she was losing hair (flea allergies are very difficult to keep up with) I doubt many people would have wanted her.
What made me unhappy yesterday was I spent 3 hours working on
Reformatting my resume it was late in the afternoon I was at the unemployment
Center getting help with my resume I finished formatting it. Then I accidentally closed
Microsoft word without saving. Extremely frustrating lol re did it last night after work
Looks better but now I'm getting ready to go back and get this done. I had a couple really
Good interviews yesterday one I really want it's working as a Junior Marketing Analyst.
My job would be selling marketing to charities do say the Canadian cancer society or the Red Cross are a couple I would work with. So hopefully I'll get my resume emailed in this
Afternoon and I'll get called for the second round of interviews. The other job I honestly didn't
Get a good feeling about after I left. It seems really stressful but the pay after a few years is great $100.000 a year
Quote from: Michelledeanna1989 on February 26, 2019, 11:58:22 AM
Then I accidentally closed Microsoft word without saving.
I don't use that package but often word processors and text edit programs often save a temporary copy just in case something like that happens. The thing to look for is a folder probably labeled "temp'. The software will save a copy every few minutes so what you find may not be the latest but it's pretty close.
Quote from: Dena on February 26, 2019, 12:14:46 PM
I don't use that package but often word processors and text edit programs often save a temporary copy just in case something like that happens. The thing to look for is a folder probably labeled "temp'. The software will save a copy every few minutes so what you find may not be the latest but it's pretty close.
Thanks I will keep that in mind for next time.. I generally use Mac so when I use pc's I find I'm more prone to making mistakes
Took a nap this afternoon and must have torn one of my earrings out! I did not get hurt, but I can't find the little bugger. It were really nice things, I liked the a lot!
Now I might have to start to run around like a pirate!
Quote from: OliverR. on February 26, 2019, 09:44:29 AM
I don't have a job yet even though I have been working with the VR due to my mental illness (mostly GAD) and have been alone in this apartment for a week since my husband works and we don't have another car. I am seeing my mother tomorrow, who I am afraid to see now because of an outburst she had last week....Our poor cat Bubsy who was only 4 years old dropped dead early in the morning not too long ago due to unknown reasons ( we saw this happen).:( She was having bad flea allergies and I'm assuming it had something to do with that......I miss her so much and start to cry when I try to talk about her. It was such a traumatic experience for both me and my husband. This apartment is so sad and lonely now and only reminds me of Bubsy dying.
I'm so sorry to hear about how Bubsy died. Witnessing it must have been terrible! *hug*
There is a kind of flea medicine for cats that goes in between their shoulder blades that is very effective when used properly. There are different kinds, Frontline, Advantage and Revolution are the three that I've heard of. I think they each work for different parasites, but you can google exactly how they differ.
I used to have a bad infestation, and with four cats, it was
really terrible! I used Advantage for my four, applying it as the directions said for each of them, and I haven't had fleas since. That was around 10 years ago now, and my oldest cat, who was there for the infestation, is about to turn 14 this year.
I highly recommend using one of these medicines with your next cat.
Good luck! *hug*
Ryuichi
Quote from: Ryuichi13 on February 26, 2019, 05:35:11 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about how Bubsy died. Witnessing it must have been terrible! *hug*
There is a kind of flea medicine for cats that goes in between their shoulder blades that is very effective when used properly. There are different kinds, Frontline, Advantage and Revolution are the three that I've heard of. I think they each work for different parasites, but you can google exactly how they differ.
I used to have a bad infestation, and with four cats, it was really terrible! I used Advantage for my four, applying it as the directions said for each of them, and I haven't had fleas since. That was around 10 years ago now, and my oldest cat, who was there for the infestation, is about to turn 14 this year.
I highly recommend using one of these medicines with your next cat.
Good luck! *hug*
Ryuichi
Two of my girlfriends have 9 and 10 cats (I don't know where I went wrong to be friends with cat people, I am a dog person), and both use Frontline for their cats, and I use it (the dog version) for my dog. The stuff works. I get it at Costco way cheaper than from the vet!
Quote from: Ryuichi13 on February 26, 2019, 05:35:11 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about how Bubsy died. Witnessing it must have been terrible! *hug*
There is a kind of flea medicine for cats that goes in between their shoulder blades that is very effective when used properly. There are different kinds, Frontline, Advantage and Revolution are the three that I've heard of. I think they each work for different parasites, but you can google exactly how they differ.
I used to have a bad infestation, and with four cats, it was really terrible! I used Advantage for my four, applying it as the directions said for each of them, and I haven't had fleas since. That was around 10 years ago now, and my oldest cat, who was there for the infestation, is about to turn 14 this year.
I highly recommend using one of these medicines with your next cat.
Good luck! *hug*
Ryuichi
Thanks :) She was such a sweet cat. very tiny. We actually tried front line, however, someone at the vet told us that it doesn't work anymore (they were still selling it there too!) maybe it's where we live? We tried another of the same kind but a different brand and it worked very good. Sadly she didn't live much longer after that. Fleas are so hard to deal with, especially if you've got a cat with severe allergies. She would break out in nasty sores too:( Didn't help that our apartment building is full of other cats who probably had fleas too.
My mother has been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. She has a year or two at best assuming she responds to radiotherapy.
I got backstabbed by a co-worker I trusted, and my supervisors, in front of co-workers I already feel anxious around, and I've been having anxiety attacks all day because of it, and dread going into work now.
Quote from: jaybutterfly on April 02, 2019, 03:14:43 PM
My mother has been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. She has a year or two at best assuming she responds to radiotherapy.
I am so sorry to hear that, wish you and your mother all the best :'(
Hugs
Quote from: jaybutterfly on April 02, 2019, 03:14:43 PM
My mother has been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. She has a year or two at best assuming she responds to radiotherapy.
Sorry to hear that. I lost my mom in 2015 to cancer.
It's hard to go threw. My mom had cancer since 1987
It started in her breasts then she beat it and was fine
1988 to 2000 then it came back in her Lympnods then
Sprees to her bones in 2006 then her lung and liver in 2014
I moved home and lived with her for her last two years we still
Had a lot of really good days but near the end it was hard seeing
How much pain she was in. I never had a chance to come out to her
But I know she supportive. She actually tried to talk to me about being
Trans before she died but I'd always just lie or try to show little interest
I still regret not telling her. But honestly I think she knew.
Enjoy the good days and use the time left to make new memories.
I remember I hugged my mom probably 10 times a day those last two
Years and I can also say talking to a grief counseler helped me a ton before she passed
And again afterwards and being open with my brother we still are two years later
Quote from: Michelledeanna1989 on April 02, 2019, 11:56:25 PM
Sorry to hear that. I lost my mom in 2015 to cancer.
It's hard to go threw. My mom had cancer since 1987
It started in her breasts then she beat it and was fine
1988 to 2000 then it came back in her Lympnods then
Sprees to her bones in 2006 then her lung and liver in 2014
I moved home and lived with her for her last two years we still
Had a lot of really good days but near the end it was hard seeing
How much pain she was in. I never had a chance to come out to her
But I know she supportive. She actually tried to talk to me about being
Trans before she died but I'd always just lie or try to show little interest
I still regret not telling her. But honestly I think she knew.
Enjoy the good days and use the time left to make new memories.
I remember I hugged my mom probably 10 times a day those last two
Years and I can also say talking to a grief counseler helped me a ton before she passed
And again afterwards and being open with my brother we still are two years later
Im organising a bucket list of things we can do as a family in the remaining time she has.
For all our problems, she was my best friend and closest support. She got me in ways nobody else did. I feel like Im actually dying with her, and frankly, Id rather it be me than her.
Self harm ideation and things from the darkest parts of my life have crept back up on me now. I genuinely don't want to live in a world without her.
Quote from: jaybutterfly on April 03, 2019, 04:00:18 PM
Self harm ideation and things from the darkest parts of my life have crept back up on me now. I genuinely don't want to live in a world without her.
As sad as it is, you will get used to living without your mother, and live on! I was very close to my mother, and lost her over night to a heart attack. She was only 66 years old at that time, and I did not even have the chance to say good bye to her. I still miss her these days, 36 years later, but I survived and was able to live my life, and so will you!
I wish you all the strength you can get, and send you my caring love!
Linde
Called the court to see if my judgement concerning my legal name change is signed by the judge, and if I could come and pick it up! After sitting in a telephone cue for almost 45 minutes they told me I need to call a different number they originally gave me. I called that line and reached an answer machine. I left a message to please call me back, and that was this morning, I have not been called, and it is 6 PM now!
I need this darn piece of paper to be able to change my drivers license and ID, health insurance, credit cards, social security and all the other jazz!
I am sick and tired of being called Mr. "dead name" when sitting in some waiting area, clearly looking like a woman!
Quote from: jaybutterfly on April 03, 2019, 04:00:18 PM
Im organising a bucket list of things we can do as a family in the remaining time she has.
For all our problems, she was my best friend and closest support. She got me in ways nobody else did. I feel like Im actually dying with her, and frankly, Id rather it be me than her.
Self harm ideation and things from the darkest parts of my life have crept back up on me now. I genuinely don't want to live in a world without her.
Self harm is never healthy. But with my mom I miss her everyday and I see it as
My responsibility to keep her memory alive. I agree her and I fought but she also got me
Too. Enjoying your and her Time together is super important. My aunt is there for me now
In the same way my mom was. But living in the moment helps too some times it's hard. Keep your plans but if she is having a bad day change them and help her with little things like going to
The pharmacy for her or making her a cup of tea or a bowl of soup whatever she needs be there and do it to make her more comfortable.
That I have to go out today in male mode for the benefit of others.
I do not make a big fuss usually, as for many years that was the norm.
But I am very dysphoric today, so this will be tougher on me than usual.
There are bigger problems in the world, I know.
Oh, this too will pass, the day will be over, and tomorrow is another day! :)
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2019, 09:14:40 AM
That I have to go out today in male mode for the benefit of others.
I do not make a big fuss usually, as for many years that was the norm.
But I am very dysphoric today, so this will be tougher on me than usual.
There are bigger problems in the world, I know.
Oh, this too will pass, the day will be over, and tomorrow is another day! :)
Chrissy
Be strong and know what's inside that matters Chrissy most, thinking of your long term goals
Hugs
Cynthia -
Quote from: CynthiaAnn on April 06, 2019, 09:16:43 AM
Be strong and know what's inside that matters Chrissy most, thinking of your long term goals
Hugs
Cynthia -
Hugs back and thank you.
Chrissy
That I am still sitting here without having my signed court judgement of my name change in my hands! They allow not to pick it up in person, but mail it in one or two weeks. The darn court house is 20 miles away from my front door!, and I might have to wait 2 weeks for getting it!
Quote from: Dietlind on April 06, 2019, 12:01:07 PM
That I am still sitting here without having my signed court judgement of my name change in my hands! They allow not to pick it up in person, but mail it in one or two weeks. The darn court house is 20 miles away from my front door!, and I might to have to wait 2 weeks for getting it!
Linde,
Time will pass quickly. Do not let this get on your nerves. It is not worth it to get yourself upset.
Enjoy each day, be with friends. In short: Eat, drink, and be merry with some companionship!
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2019, 06:16:40 PM
Linde,
Time will pass quickly. Do not let this get on your nerves. It is not worth it to get yourself upset.
Enjoy each day, be with friends. In short: Eat, drink, and be merry with some companionship!
Chrissy
I was hoping to have my final ID in my hands by the date of my birthday later this months!
It would be so nice to be able to celebrate my natural birthday at about the same time as my birthday as an official female!
My parents always wanted me to be a girl before I was born, and later allowed m to live like one (until school had to start). They told it me all the time, and if they are somewhere up there and can look down on me, it would be so nice for them to have their wish to finally come true by the date I was supposed to be born as a girl!
(stupid estrogen, I have to cry now)
Quote from: Dietlind on April 06, 2019, 06:43:11 PM
I was hoping to have my final ID in my hands by the date of my birthday later this months!
It would be so nice to be able to celebrate my natural birthday at about the same time as my birthday as an official female!
My parents always wanted me to be a girl before I was born, and later allowed m to live like one (until school had to start). They told it me all the time, and if they are somewhere up there and can look down on me, it would be so nice for them to have their wish to finally come true by the date I was supposed to be born as a girl!
(stupid estrogen, I have to cry now)
Perhaps by chance the paperwork will be dated on your date of birth, or you receive the paperwork on your date of birth, giving you the same date for your NEW birthday.
You will find out! Anyway, congratulations! The paperwork will arrive.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 06, 2019, 07:59:59 PM
Perhaps by chance the paperwork will be dated on your date of birth, or you receive the paperwork on your date of birth, giving you the same date for your NEW birthday.
You will find out! Anyway, congratulations! The paperwork will arrive.
Chrissy
Tank you! Pretty soon I will be legally a female! The thought about this, and the feeling is really great!
Quote from: jaybutterfly on April 03, 2019, 04:00:18 PM
Im organising a bucket list of things we can do as a family in the remaining time she has.
For all our problems, she was my best friend and closest support. She got me in ways nobody else did. I feel like Im actually dying with her, and frankly, Id rather it be me than her.
Self harm ideation and things from the darkest parts of my life have crept back up on me now. I genuinely don't want to live in a world without her.
All the things you wrote in this post are great ideas. Spend the time left spending time with. THAT is a great idea.
But the self harm part is not a great idea. You ARE strong, and you CAN get through this. Very few of us on this forum are quitters. And when we get knocked down, we get up. You are here with us. You can get up again, when dark times come...
Never, Never, Never, give up...
Kate
My ride didn't show up for my therapist appt. again >:( Second time in a row :P
I had a great string of a few days of happiness and elation. Today I'm down in the dumps.
Had a fight with my husband last night and I haven't been able to recover, mentally.
No interest in anything but driving and belting out lyrics at the top of my lungs.
I'm can't even bring myself to shop online.
Quote from: Tribble on April 17, 2019, 05:11:07 PM
I had a great string of a few days of happiness and elation. Today I'm down in the dumps.
Had a fight with my husband last night and I haven't been able to recover, mentally.
No interest in anything but driving and belting out lyrics at the top of my lungs.
I'm can't even bring myself to shop online.
Just relax and have a beverage of choice. You know that It will pass, and everything will be good again!
I can bundle up a bit of my today's joy, and send it to you!
Wanted to get the SS card changed to new name and gender, to just stand in front of a closed office door, with the note that there is no service today!
Quote from: Dietlind on April 17, 2019, 05:22:16 PM
Just relax and have a beverage of choice. You know that It will pass, and everything will be good again!
I can bundle up a bit of my today's joy, and send it to you!
Thank you. I really appreciate that.
Kinda wish I drank, today. :(
Quote from: Dietlind on April 17, 2019, 05:23:44 PM
Wanted to get the SS card changed to new name and gender, to just stand in front of a closed office door, with the note that there is no service today!
I've been able to change my name with SS (twice--once on court-order and once after my marriage) but they've always refused to amend my gender. I've called and called and called over the years. :(
Better luck tomorrow! Did the note say why they were closed today?
I used to work at Tyson Foods. Great company, I loved the job, and excelled at it. I have Asperger's (AKA High-Functioning Autism), and tend to think logically. This, while sometimes causing problems in other areas, can be an extreme asset when it comes to working with machines. Within a month I became a machine operator and was repairing automated packing robots by hand. It was always hilarious to see the maintenance guys when they got there, only to find it completely done, or me jumping up in it like a monkey to handle it. (I've also always been the 'if you can do it, do it' type)
So anyway, I injured my shoulder and had to go to the nurse to get it checked out. Now, one of the rules there is that you can't bring your phone in, or else it's automatic termination. Again, I have Asperger's, so the short-term memory isn't the best, especially when it comes to what I do with things in my hands. I headed straight to the nurse's office from break, forgot I had my phone with me. My ex texts me, it goes off in my pocket, I'm escorted out. Done. That was a year ago. I've been through multiple jobs since, including going back there as a temp, even though I couldn't stay longer than 3 months, and have been biding my time 'til I can go back.
So up until recently, the time limit on re-hires was 2 years. Then, they brought it down to one, so on the 9th I was eligible for rehire. So, I planned my next couple months round that. moving, new car, etc. I was told by my old boss that I had a guaranteed machine operation job, as well as backup lead, waiting for me.
Then, yesterday comes, and I hear that apparently, on the 1st, there was a policy change, where if you were let go because of your phone, you can't be re-hired. Ever. So I'm basically screwed. And my record's not the cleanest so very few places in the area will take me on.
Trying not to lose my >-bleeped-<., both figuratively & literally. This is so stressful, it feels like everything came crashing down around me.
Quote from: Tribble on April 17, 2019, 05:54:27 PM
Thank you. I really appreciate that.
Kinda wish I drank, today. :(
I've been able to change my name with SS (twice--once on court-order and once after my marriage) but they've always refused to amend my gender. I've called and called and called over the years. :(
Better luck tomorrow! Did the note say why they were closed today?
No, I did not. hat I understand is that they want to see your court order for the name, and two letters, one from a treating physician and one from a certified gender therapist to change the gender marker.
I have both those letters, and i have the gender marker on my ID changed already! I hope it will work. I will report!
Quote from: LaRae on April 17, 2019, 06:17:06 PM
I used to work at Tyson Foods. Great company, I loved the job, and excelled at it. I have Asperger's (AKA High-Functioning Autism), and tend to think logically. This, while sometimes causing problems in other areas, can be an extreme asset when it comes to working with machines. Within a month I became a machine operator and was repairing automated packing robots by hand. It was always hilarious to see the maintenance guys when they got there, only to find it completely done, or me jumping up in it like a monkey to handle it. (I've also always been the 'if you can do it, do it' type)
So anyway, I injured my shoulder and had to go to the nurse to get it checked out. Now, one of the rules there is that you can't bring your phone in, or else it's automatic termination. Again, I have Asperger's, so the short-term memory isn't the best, especially when it comes to what I do with things in my hands. I headed straight to the nurse's office from break, forgot I had my phone with me. My ex texts me, it goes off in my pocket, I'm escorted out. Done. That was a year ago. I've been through multiple jobs since, including going back there as a temp, even though I couldn't stay longer than 3 months, and have been biding my time 'til I can go back.
So up until recently, the time limit on re-hires was 2 years. Then, they brought it down to one, so on the 9th I was eligible for rehire. So, I planned my next couple months round that. moving, new car, etc. I was told by my old boss that I had a guaranteed machine operation job, as well as backup lead, waiting for me.
Then, yesterday comes, and I hear that apparently, on the 1st, there was a policy change, where if you were let go because of your phone, you can't be re-hired. Ever. So I'm basically <not allowed>. And my record's not the cleanest so very few places in the area will take me on.
Trying not to lose my >-bleeped-<., both figuratively & literally. This is so stressful, it feels like everything came crashing down around me.
Oh LaRae! My heart goes out to you! That is sooooo sad.
And, never give up...
Kate
Life
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
Some health issues.. :(
Being stuck at work, I'd rather be jammin'....
I forgot to take out the garbage today.
The recycling truck woke me up at 6am, I fell back asleep, forgot to get the regular garbage together, and just watched the garbage truck go by my house right now.
Bleah.
Ryuichi
Quote from: KatieP on April 17, 2019, 06:44:21 PM
Oh LaRae! My heart goes out to you! That is sooooo sad.
And, never give up...
Kate
Thanks, I'm doing my best.
Heard back from my mom, who currently works there and has been acting as the go-between. The HR manager is
really pissed, 'cause this means that there's thousands of people who are just gone, including people he personally told would be able to return.
So, he's sent memos up the chain and gotten ahold of corporate. They apparently seem understanding and are looking into changing it. I should hear by...Tuesday.
That's far better than nothing, but I'm basically expected to spend the next five days without a job while waiting? And while it certainly sounds like they're serious and this is getting traction, there's still the off chance that I'd be waiting for nothing.
God this is so stressful.
Quote from: LaRae on April 18, 2019, 02:45:43 PM
Thanks, I'm doing my best.
Heard back from my mom, who currently works there and has been acting as the go-between. The HR manager is really pissed, 'cause this means that there's thousands of people who are just gone, including people he personally told would be able to return.
So, he's sent memos up the chain and gotten ahold of corporate. They apparently seem understanding and are looking into changing it. I should hear by...Tuesday.
That's far better than nothing, but I'm basically expected to spend the next five days without a job while waiting? And while it certainly sounds like they're serious and this is getting traction, there's still the off chance that I'd be waiting for nothing.
God this is so stressful.
I wasn't in a mental position to reply to your first post about this, but my heart goes out to you.
I'm really glad to hear that there may be a chance. Fingers crossed for you!
Internet and PC issues :P
Revenue Canada
Biopsy today for the lump on my cheek. I've had it since I was seven and had the mumps, but it still HURT! :(
Ryuichi
But I thought everyone liked having core samples of their flesh taken with giant needles ???
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on April 24, 2019, 06:31:09 PM
But I thought everyone liked having core samples of their flesh taken with giant needles ???
If you want to know anything about discomfort, have them take a biopsy of your prostate. They did that 4 times for me to find the reason for blood in my urine! Fun was had each time!
"We've determined that you have blood in your urine because we biopsied your prostate four times!" :D
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on April 25, 2019, 08:57:45 PM
"We've determined that you have blood in your urine because we biopsied your prostate four times!" :D
After shoving a scope into my bladder they found that the prostate was the cause (I don't ant to go into details). I was put onto Finasteride and everything was OK pretty soon after that. I bet by now my prostate is shriveled up so much to look like a walnut!
Quote from: Dietlind on April 25, 2019, 06:56:09 PM
If you want to know anything about discomfort, have them take a biopsy of your prostate. They did that 4 times for me to find the reason for blood in my urine! Fun was had each time!
Been through that drill... *CLICK*... *SNICK*... *CLICK*... *SNICK*... *CLICK*... *SNICK*...
6 cores, no cancer found.
I figured out a better way to shrink it than finasteride...
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 26, 2019, 12:17:03 AM
Been through that drill... *CLICK*... *SNICK*... *CLICK*... *SNICK*... *CLICK*... *SNICK*...
6 cores, no cancer found.
I figured out a better way to shrink it than finasteride...
I wish they could do that to the "mumps lump" on my cheek. I'd love to get rid of it!
Ryuichi
Finding fresh cat barf on my way to the kitchen for more coffee, yuk....
Out on my motorcycle today and stop by a bike shop for a look around, because my old beemer is being a giant pain in my ass.
Not many people in the shop, and after a couple minutes I hear "Sir, can I help you find anything?"
Crap. I know they're talking to me. Try not to flinch in their direction, pull my shoulders back a little to accentuate my boobs.
"Sir? Are you looking for anything in particular?"
Sigh.
I'm a little dehydrated, but I try to push my voice as femme as I can. "No thanks, I'm good." Nope. I sound like Lemmy.
I slink out of the store with my head down a few minutes later.
Aaand parked right outside the front window of the shop, my bike won't start. :icon_censored: :icon_censored: :icon_censored:
I got woken up at 5:30am from someone calling about a job
Interview. That's a first for me.. couldn't it wait till after at least 9am on a Saturday lol
Being on my period..
Quote from: King Malachite on May 01, 2019, 12:19:50 PM
Being on my period..
@King Malachite Hmmm, quite an annoying and irritating conundrum for sure.
Hang in there, in a few days you will be back to "normal"
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Shoulder rotator cuff the latest fun of old age,spent the day popping cocodamol, amatriptilene & ibuprofen drifting in & out of sleep
Quote from: big kim on May 01, 2019, 03:25:05 PM
Shoulder rotator cuff the latest fun of old age,spent the day popping cocodamol, amatriptilene & ibuprofen drifting in & out of sleep
@big kimThat sounds so very painful and very uncomfortable.
When I had my recent back pain and leg pain caused by bulging lumbar discs,
I refused to take the strong narco pain relievers and instead took max dosages of ibuprofen and tylenol.... I might as well have flushed the pills down the toilet for all the good that they did.
Please get well soon.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle
I've been in a really dark place for the last few weeks due to a domino effect of several personal life issues/stress (STILL haven't heard back definitively about that job from 2 weeks ago, & having severe difficulty finding another, struggling with bills a a result, plus other issues), and it's begun having a serious impact on my self esteem & dysphoria. I just feel disgusting, like I've left behind my assigned gender, but I'm not far enough along on the HRT & transitioning train to feel at all comfortable presenting to world as female yet, so it feels like I'm in some awful purgatory where I'm not really anything, just an 'it', and an 'it' that can't even find a job at that.
I know this is a headtrip and it will pass, i really do, but it's just so hard right now & I'm utterly alone. Other than this place, I really don't have anyone I can talk to about what I'm going through, they just don't have the visceral understanding of what it's like to utterly loathe what you see in the mirror every day because that's not what you want to be. They care, and are as understanding as they can be, but it's different. They just can't empathize. And even after I found this place, thanks to my Asperger's, plus years of being forced to deal alone, it's still like pulling teeth to make myself open up.
Just trying to keep my head up, keep fighting for what I know is right for me, and I will. But right now, I'd really like to just time skip to when all this stressful, depressive stuff i'm going through right now is behind me.
Thanks Danielle, lot better today
My barely two year old over the range microwave broke! That really sucks. I used to be able to install stuff like this alone, but I lost to much upper torso strength for this, and now I have to pay somebody to do it!
Quote from: Dietlind on May 02, 2019, 08:22:12 PM
My barely two year old over the range microwave broke! That really sucks. I used to be able to install stuff like this alone, but I lost to much upper torso strength for this, and now I have to pay somebody to do it!
@Dietlind Dear Linde:I am so sorry to read of your difficulties. I suppose that if you have enough kitchen counter top space you could always purchase a fairly inexpensive stand-alone Microwave.
Just thinking out loud.
I have never had a lot of upper body strength even long before I transitioned.
The good news for me is that the men my small town, my neighbors and my friends and acquaintances at my next door coffee shop are always eager and willing to help a blue eyed blonde.... I don't often refuse their offers of assistance.
Wishing you well.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Dietlind on May 02, 2019, 08:22:12 PM
My barely two year old over the range microwave broke! That really sucks. I used to be able to install stuff like this alone, but I lost to much upper torso strength for this, and now I have to pay somebody to do it!
If ya don't mind handyperson advice...
I had a 20 year old over-the-range microwave that finally failed. I replaced it with a well regarded brand that failed after 10 months. After a warranty repair, it made it another 6 months.
It's pretty widely understood that the newer microwaves have a shorter service life, unfortunately.
In a kitchen remodel, I went back to a nice range hood, and had new cabinets installed that included a shelf for a microwave. I installed a recessed wall outlet behind the microwave shelf, so a plugged in cord would not use valuable shelf depth. A $60 Magic Chef microwave went in the shelf. A new one costs less than a service call for the old over-the-range one, and the location in my kitchen in the prep/coffee area was frankly more convenient than over my cooking surface. It lasted at least a few years until I moved.
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 02, 2019, 11:36:01 PM
If ya don't mind handyperson advice...
I had a 20 year old over-the-range microwave that finally failed. I replaced it with a well regarded brand that failed after 10 months. After a warranty repair, it made it another 6 months.
It's pretty widely understood that the newer microwaves have a shorter service life, unfortunately.
In a kitchen remodel, I went back to a nice range hood, and had new cabinets installed that included a shelf for a microwave. I installed a recessed wall outlet behind the microwave shelf, so a plugged in cord would not use valuable shelf depth. A $60 Magic Chef microwave went in the shelf. A new one costs less than a service call for the old over-the-range one, and the location in my kitchen in the prep/coffee area was frankly more convenient than over my cooking surface. It lasted at least a few years until I moved.
Sadly enough, this entire kitchen was re-modelt about two years ago, and we are in Florida, there is no exhaust exit for range hoods, all is of the recirculating filter type stuff! I don't even know if a range hood would work here!
I just may buy a cheep counter top unit, and de-clutter my counter tops for it!
I bought groceries online and realized I bought. 1.2 kilos of mushrooms by
By mistake 1 banana instead of a bunch of bananas and a tiny little can of coconut milk
Lol going to be eating lots of mushrooms then next couple weeks
I had a 2 hour long on line fight with my internet supplier Century Link. I have constant drop out of the service, it is a pain you know where!
They finally agreed to send me a new modem, but wanted to charge shipping for it, but I pay for in-house repair. They now agreed to pay for shipping!
Those companies try to fleece you whenever they can!
Quote from: Dietlind on May 03, 2019, 03:56:18 PM
I had a 2 hour long on line fight with my internet supplier . . .
@Dietland or how about promising to up my bandwidth speed, NO EXTRA CHARGE for doubling it . . .
because I'm over a month LATE on paying the bill?
Do ya think they thought I was gonna
DROP EM? I
ENJOY the fact that I
DO have a choice . . .
Be it "a man or "woman"?
Quote from: Chloe on May 03, 2019, 08:55:12 PM
@Dietland or how about promising to up my bandwidth speed, NO EXTRA CHARGE for doubling it . . .
because I'm over a month LATE on paying the bill?
Do ya think they thought I was gonna DROP EM? I ENJOY the fact that I DO have a choice . . .
Be it "a man or "woman"?
I m stuck with the woman thing and only one internet provider! But I live nice and alone in the jungle and my fence keeps the occasional nosy alligator away!
I'm starting to get a bit fed up waiting to start HRT. I'm trying to sort out my fertility options first but it's just like walking into a brick wall in every direction.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: MollyPants on May 04, 2019, 01:39:54 AM
I'm starting to get a bit fed up waiting to start HRT. I'm trying to sort out my fertility options first but it's just like walking into a brick wall in every direction.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Oh, looking at the pic.s you've posted I assumed you were already on HRT
Walgreen's charged $35 for 4 passport pictures! I think that is quite high for what one gets!
gasoline is up more than a dollar a gallon here from just a few months ago, my truck tank almost costs $100 to fill now...
Toilet fill valve started leaking or at least I caught it leaking. I tried a quick fix and it didn't work so I made a trip to Home Depot then played plumber as it needed to be replaced. Now I wonder if I am going to see a drop in my water bill.
I was driving home after a great day out with my brother and his
Girlfriend. I had dinner so it was 11:20pm . So anyway I was driving
Seemed like a normal Saturday night the street I was on has 2 large
Bars and a night club on it probably not the smartest thing
Being it's Saturday night. The street those clubs are on is under construction
There putting a bike lane in and a heritage building is being turned into
Condos. So anyway I was coming up to this intersection the road is divided by
Pylons and a oncoming car enters my lane and I slam on my brakes and so does
The car behind me the driver of the oncoming car realizes there mistake knock down
A pylon and cut back into there lane. The speed limit is low in that one spot being it's
Construction it's only 30 KM/H (18 MPH) still though having an oncoming car
In my lane was pretty scary. Normally the speed limit is 40 km KM/H. But that situation
Would likely not happen when that road is normal. Pretty scary regardless
M
Quote from: Michelledeanna1989 on May 05, 2019, 02:16:52 AM
I was driving home after a great day out with my brother and his
Girlfriend. I had dinner so it was 11:20pm . So anyway I was driving
Seemed like a normal Saturday night the street I was on has 2 large
Bars and a night club on it probably not the smartest thing
Being it's Saturday night. The street those clubs are on is under construction
There putting a bike lane in and a heritage building is being turned into
Condos. So anyway I was coming up to this intersection the road is divided by
Pylons and a oncoming car enters my lane and I slam on my brakes and so does
The car behind me the driver of the oncoming car realizes there mistake knock down
A pylon and cut back into there lane. The speed limit is low in that one spot being it's
Construction it's only 30 KM/H (18 MPH) still though having an oncoming car
In my lane was pretty scary. Normally the speed limit is 40 km KM/H. But that situation
Would likely not happen when that road is normal. Pretty scary regardless
M
I'm glad you're okay.
I was driving home tonight at a little after midnight and I had to take a detour through a nearly abandoned area of town because my freeway exit is closed for construction. I had a big pickup tailgating me the entire time through that area. I'd stop at stop signs and he'd follow right on through on my ass right after I did.
Needless to say, I was getting a bit nervous until I hit a busier road.
Quote from: Tribble on May 05, 2019, 02:26:18 AM
I'm glad you're okay.
I was driving home tonight at a little after midnight and I had to take a detour through a nearly abandoned area of town because my freeway exit is closed for construction. I had a big pickup tailgating me the entire time through that area. I'd stop at stop signs and he'd follow right on through on my ass right after I did.
Needless to say, I was getting a bit nervous until I hit a busier road.
I've had that happen to me as well luckily I was near the police station by the time he realized
I was driving to the police he left me alone. But I know some areas can be scary. Luckily I live
In a really safe city. But being fallowed is never fun .. glad your ok too
Quote from: CynthiaAnn on May 04, 2019, 08:15:53 PM
gasoline is up more than a dollar a gallon here from just a few months ago, my truck tank almost costs $100 to fill now...
Your petrol is cheap! A quick calculation is you would be paying about $USD3 in Australia for a USA gallon
Where I live in BC. it's $1.61 per litre
My uses premium $1.81 per litre
I used mid grade instead $1.71 a litre
It has not been below $1.50 a litre in at least
6 months.
So per gallon it comes to
$6.10 a gallon regular
&6.47 a gallon mid grade
$6.85 a gallon mid grade
I drive a 2005 Volkswagen Passat 1.8L turbo
And it costs on average $80 to fill from empty
Probably a lot more then $100 to fill a truck here
But yeah gas has gotten very expensive on the west coast
Alberta it's much cheaper I believe it's a $1.10 a litte
The other parts of B.C. our $1.40ish
A lot of people in Vancouver bc go across the border
To Blaine WA and fill up. I'm living on Vancouver Island
So i am unable too
Gas prices in south west florid a have gone up quite a bit lately. We pay around $2.799 /US gallon now. A little while ago it was about a dollar cheaper! Most people here drive pickups or SUV's (like I) and they are not gas misers!
Same with mine I only get 300km to a tank but I do use a lesser grade
And have a heavy foot older turbos use a lot of fuel. Here it's mainly small suvs
Toyota Tacoma's hybrids and there's a pretty noticeable amount of electric cars
Mainly Tesla's and Nissan leafs
Quote from: Michelledeanna1989 on May 05, 2019, 01:22:03 PM
Same with mine I only get 300km to a tank but I do use a lesser grade
And have a heavy foot older turbos use a lot of fuel. Here it's mainly small suvs
Toyota Tacoma's hybrids and there's a pretty noticeable amount of electric cars
Mainly Tesla's and Nissan leafs
One sees a few hybrids, hardly any electrics at all. The infrastructure for electricity is so bad here, they have a hard time to keep the lights on for brick and mortar buildings. we can't have anything underground, because we are sitting on a sandbank on top of a coral reef. If you dig a hole of 1/2 meter, you hid water!
It's raining again.
Lisa
Really hate my insurance. My premium is insane. And I still have to pay for every little thing. And then a month later get a bill for stuff I already payed for, because apparently I didn't pay enough. Then without fail a week later I get a "revised" bill, sometimes higher, sometimes lower. I never know how much I really have to pay until the due date.
And on top of that, the doctors are dragging their feet with me and HRT. Had my initial meeting in March, then was supposed to have a follow up in April, which never happened. Then when I start emailing them," oh yeah, behavioral health will call you in a few days." Which of course never happens. And if I had just any other insurance I could just walk into the LGBT center in LA and get hormones, no problem. But no.
Stuck being on call for work again today, and it's beautiful outside here, would rather be out on my bicycle riding in the mountains, but no I need to be close to the computer (so far no calls, shhh).
That my Amazon Alexa microwave oven that was supposed to come yesterday, was not delivered today either. Now they tell me it will be Tuesday! I wonder why I pay for Amazon Prime!
Quote from: CynthiaAnn on May 11, 2019, 08:13:19 AM
Stuck being on call for work again today, and it's beautiful outside here, would rather be out on my bicycle riding in the mountains, but no I need to be close to the computer (so far no calls, shhh).
@CynthiaAnnDear Cynthia Well.... no calls yet...
... that's good news,
you can get paid for being close to your computer (and spending time on the Forums)
Today I am doing much needed yard work done before things start to grow like crazy!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
@Alaskan Danielle , glad you getting your yard / property work done outside, I've done the lawn front and back here earlier before it got too warm (mid 80's today !)
yes, they pay me to do this !?
Have a fabulous weekend !
Hugs
Cynthia -
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on May 11, 2019, 03:39:04 PM
... you can get paid for being close to your computer (and spending time on the Forums) ...
That just described my daily routine at work, except when I'm in 'that funky mood'. You know the one :)
vertigo,
the room is spinning, ugggggg
Quote from: CynthiaAnn on May 16, 2019, 07:36:54 AM
vertigo,
the room is spinning, ugggggg
Sounds like a good old fashion inner ear infection. I haven't had one in a long time but they aren't fun.
Quote from: Dena on May 16, 2019, 08:26:23 AM
Sounds like a good old fashion inner ear infection. I haven't had one in a long time but they aren't fun.
thanks, i hope it's not an infection, I do feel pressure in my left ear. I've had this come up before, and it has cleared on it's own after a day or two
Get me off the nauseowhirl
Just remember that some people pay good money to feel like that.
Not that it makes it feel any better when it's unexpected. Hopefully it clears up for you.
Finding another blood clot behind my knee. >:(
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on May 16, 2019, 09:02:37 AM
Just remember that some people pay good money to feel like that.
Not that it makes it feel any better when it's unexpected. Hopefully it clears up for you.
It's better now, thanks !
Quote from: Bea1968 on May 16, 2019, 04:16:37 PM
Finding another blood clot behind my knee. >:(
not good, and a risk if you plan on HRT
take care
Scares the crap out of me. Just on spiro now. I will be seeing my GP tomorrow. This sucks badly.
Stupid health insurance and Medicare. Was on the phone with Humana today, and wondered why the person always called me Mr.. I finally asked and was told that I have the gender identifier M in their files, the right nae but an M. I asked to please change it, and was told they can't do this because they depend on the input of Medicare. I asked if Medicare has me as a horse, would they als consider me tobe a horse, and the answer was yes!
I went onto the horn with SS, and asked what they have me as, and I was told as F. Medicare supposedly draws their info from SS and they seem to have not changed my gender yet. I have the new medicare card with my new name on, but it has no gender marker on.
I think I have to do a little telephone fighting tomorrow, to get that corrected ASAP. Because I am sick and tired to sit in a medical waiting area and being called Mr, and come up like a woman!
Quote from: Bea1968 on May 16, 2019, 05:26:21 PM
Scares the crap out of me. Just on spiro now. I will be seeing my GP tomorrow. This sucks badly.
How did it go?
Stupid bureaucrats! I thought I had everything under control with my name and gender change, just to find out that I was hoping for to much!
I have my social security card with my new name, my Medicare card with my new name an my Medicare Advantage insurance card with my new name!
I had to talk to the insurance yesterday and wondered why I was called Mr new name. After a few Mr I asked why that is, and I was told that they have me under gender marke M. And that is the information they got from Medicare, and Medicare gets it from Social Security.
I called SS today and was told that they have me with the marker F. I asked the agent o please check into the medicare section and she found that I was there a marker M. She said there must have been some glitch that the marker did not pull over, and she did it by hand. the system will update on Sunday, and I should check back on Tuesday to see if I am now a gender F for sure! The health insurance pulls information from Medicare every four weeks. If I have bad luck, I will be called Mr for another four weeks!
Quote from: Linde on May 17, 2019, 11:25:15 PM
Stupid bureaucrats!
it's seemingly getting worse not better.
Good luck !
C -
Death of a friend.
Quote from: big kim on May 18, 2019, 08:26:20 AM
Death of a friend.
Yeah, that would do it. Sorry to hear.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Gotta stop spiro. My body betrays me a second time.
Quote from: Bea1968 on May 18, 2019, 10:47:21 AM
Gotta stop spiro. My body betrays me a second time.
I feel with you! Spiro drove me nuts, and it was one of the reasons I pushed for my orchi. I am now for about three months free of spiro and of T, and life feels so much better now.
I don't think it did much for growing my boobs more, but my brain and my body feels better without the stuff.
I think that my favorite bra is really past its reasonable useful life.
I have been very gently washing them in the washer but I air dry them, that seems to have them hold up well. I do not think the washer did this one in. It just stretched out over time, and has some lose threads, in a way like split ends on hair can knot up here and there occasionally. Sometimes a fingernail can get caught in fabric and yank a thread out, that is quite annoying.
This is not anything major, but just a part of life. Clothes wear out! It is to be expected.
I do wonder if I cut out the pads if I can then use them as figure filling cup inserts. I might try but I always simply wanted to be just me. But it might be fun to see what I would look like in tops I really like. Probably there would not be much of a difference, as these are not padded cups. I do feel some material though in the cups though but this old bra is not a padded bra.
Maybe that was just a silly idea.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 18, 2019, 12:47:31 PM
I think that my favorite bra is really past its reasonable useful life.
I have been very gently washing them in the washer but I air dry them, that seems to have them hold up well. I do not think the washer did this one in. It just stretched out over time, and has some lose threads, in a way like split ends on hair can knot up here and there occasionally. Sometimes a fingernail can get caught in fabric and yank a thread out, that is quite annoying.
This is not anything major, but just a part of life. Clothes wear out! It is to be expected.
I do wonder if I cut out the pads if I can then use them as figure filling cup inserts. I might try but I always simply wanted to be just me. But it might be fun to see what I would look like in tops I really like. Probably there would not be much of a difference, as these are not padded cups. I do feel some material though in the cups though but this old bra is not a padded bra.
Maybe that was just a silly idea.
Chrissy
You could get this effect this pretty easy by buying "chicken cutlets" through Amazon. They are cheap and come even in push-up versions!
I went the last two weeks without wearing a bra at all (40 B), and nobody seems to bother. From now on I will wear a bra only if modesty dictates it. Even the shirt I wear in my avatar allows me to go without a bra, because it has those two little breast pockets who successfully hide the nipples.
Try it, it feels great not to have to wear a thing like this!
Quote from: Linde on May 18, 2019, 09:05:11 PM
You could get this effect this pretty easy by buying "chicken cutlets" through Amazon. They are cheap and come even in push-up versions!
I went the last two weeks without wearing a bra at all (40 B), and nobody seems to bother. From now on I will wear a bra only if modesty dictates it. Even the shirt I wear in my avatar allows me to go without a bra, because it has those two little breast pockets who successfully hide the nipples.
Try it, it feels great not to have to wear a thing like this!
It's a truism among trans-women that at the start of transition we can't wait to put on a bra, and toward the end we can't wait to take it off!
- Stephanie
Quote from: steph2.0 on May 18, 2019, 09:22:42 PM
It's a truism among trans-women that at the start of transition we can't wait to put on a bra, and toward the end we can't wait to take it off!
- Stephanie
In the beginning a bra provides emotional support. Hopefully they eventually provide physical support also.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Quote from: TonyaW on May 19, 2019, 12:38:51 PM
In the beginning a bra provides emotional support. Hopefully they eventually provide physical support also.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
be careful with your wishes. I am pretty proud of my B size girls , because they still can stand up on their own! if they ever decide to become C size, I still hope they don't need a harness to be able to live free in this world!
Quote from: Linde on May 18, 2019, 09:05:11 PM
You could get this effect this pretty easy by buying "chicken cutlets" through Amazon. They are cheap and come even in push-up versions!
I went the last two weeks without wearing a bra at all (40 B), and nobody seems to bother. From now on I will wear a bra only if modesty dictates it. Even the shirt I wear in my avatar allows me to go without a bra, because it has those two little breast pockets who successfully hide the nipples.
Try it, it feels great not to have to wear a thing like this!
Linde,
I think I still prefer to simply wear a shaping camisole, open bust, but at times a bra seems to be the right undergarment to have on, with or without the camisole. I can relate to what you are saying though. Sometimes nothing underneath on top is nice. However at times the nipples poke the material and are noticeable, and modesty prevails for me out and about for sure.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 19, 2019, 01:48:56 PM
Linde,
However at times the nipples poke the material and are noticeable, and modesty prevails for me out and about for sure.
Chrissy
I had those feelings, too, but it seems that people do care less what they see on my body. OK, I would not go bra less in a blouse made of sheer material, or sometimes a clothing item calls for a bra.
It is already in the lower to mid 90's here, and not having to wear a bra is very nice and comfy!
Quote from: Linde on May 19, 2019, 02:25:25 PM
I had those feelings, too, but it seems that people do care less what they see on my body. OK, I would not go bra less in a blouse made of sheer material, or sometimes a clothing item calls for a bra.
It is already in the lower to mid 90's here, and not having to wear a bra is very nice and comfy!
Comfort is important too!
Chrissy
Having too much dental insurance, we have policies through both my wife and I workplaces, and the insurance companies can't figure out, who should actually pay the claim, what a mess.
Sister's girlfriend punched her in the face. She's not badly hurt and has got rid of her. Told her don't take the bitch back
I got a debt collection noticed from Credit One Credit company for $2600. I'd gladly pay it, IF I could afford too, but currently 90.7% of my income is going toward rent. My anxiety is currently kicking into DEPRESSIVE gear.
Bronchitis, it's kicked the life out of me at 66. I think I walked it off when I had it when I was 10!