Hello.
I'm a trans woman,almost 20 years old.
After hesitating for a long time what to do I came to a solution .
I identify fully as a woman but I'm not strong enough at this moment in time to go through a full transition . Cross dressing however is not easing the dysphoria anymore either . I need to have a form of treatment and not only talk therapy but medical intervention .
I read about gender queer individuals going on hormone replacement therapy . This sounds like an acceptable first step to me . A gender queer transition with hormones . I want the changes from male to female to be gradual enough . I have autism and going to fast would be a disaster for me . Therefore a gender queer transition with hormone therapy sounds ideal to me . I want however to live my life as a female and not as a male but I want everything to be gradual enough . An agressive and fast transition on full dose hormone replacement therapy would mean that I would not be able to get used to changes . My breasts , facial changes , fat redistribution ,... I want it all to be a process rather than a race . I am scared to wake up in a new body 123 to say so . I want it to go slower than a normal transition from male to female .
If I could push a button that would transform me into a fully fletched female instantly I wouldn't push it . It would go to fast for me . With my autism I would never get used to the changes if it would go to quickly . That's why I wouldn't push. If I could choose to be born female from the start , would I push ? I don't know . I'm not sure .
All I know is that being a trans woman is my biggest desire . Not just out of sexual motivation , although it plays a minor role , but rather out of social anger and dysphoria as well as physical dysphoria .
I don't want to live a girly girly life . I will probably be a tomboy . But I am very unhappy to be gendered male . I rather want to be female . And there is treatment for it so why not take it . I don't know if I want people to remind me as a woman , I rather want them to remind me for my character rather than my gender and I certainly don't want them to remind me as male . But not as female either I guess . One thing I'm a million percent sure of is that I want to have a female body,am jealous on pretty girls and I would be happy to have long girly shoulder length hair , female nails , my own pair of breasts , my own full feminin hips , my own hour glass figure and curves , a rather feminin face and my own voluminous butt . That makes me happy . Thinking about myself as a " poster " girl for lingerie ,... makes me happy to. I know so surely that I want to have a female body . That cross dressing doesn't ease the dysphoria enough cause my primar motivations aren't sexual enough . They are rather gender identity related . I always associate with female characters in books , movies ,... I project myself as a girl in my head . But I still want to be able to recognise something about my natural self on my body as a girl . That's why I want changes to be gradual enough . So that I can get used to every change. Also the thought of hormonally feeling the changes sounds so appealing to me . The idea that medication can stop my testosterone and have my body running on estrogen . In social life I always identify with the girls . Although I have some competitive and testosterone driven characteristics but girls can have those as well . I don't identify as gender queer mentally . I completely identify as female . It's just that I want my transition to go on the speed of a gender queer transition but with as end result a female body with small sensible breasts ,...
I made an appointment with a gender psychiatrist . She will help me out .
I would love to hear your thoughts about hormone therapy in my case and wether you think it's suitable for me .
PS : I also have genital dysphoria but will not go through GRS for the coming decade at least because for now that surgery is to intense for me .
I've felt transsexual feelings for 5 consistent years now and realise that signs of it go back since the age of 4 but dysphoria is present since at least 3 years with a remarkable increase since three to four months .
Hi!
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
We can't really tell you if HRT/hormones would be the best thing for you or not. That is up to you and your therapist and prescribing doctor. Generally it is possible to prescribe a low dosage that has slow and minimal changes but it is no guarantee, some ladies end up with DDs even on a low dose. Keep in mind that even on the standard dosages that may be prescribed the changes usually take up to 18-24 months to become visible to most people. In most cases they'll just think you look a bit younger.
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Cheers
Grace
Welcome to Susan's Place. Another approach for you to take would be low dose hormones and as you become comfortable you add womans jeans or pants or a woman's blouse. Letting you hair grown out and going through a Pixie cut to the final cut. You can alter your appearance to a feminine at the rate you are comfortable. In my case, I have been on hormones for 30 years and still have a somewhat boyish figure with my clothes on. For the first 3 years of hormones I could pass in boy mode without any extra effort. You may or may not develop a full feminine figure and only time will tell what you will look like and how fast it will happen.
Welcome back to Susan's. Definitely something you need to talk over with your doctor's and a therapist. It's very possible that it could be, but we are not qualified to be able to tell you. I look forward to seeing you around the forums again. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah