Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Dear Everyone,

I am brand new here, never been on this forum before, so sorry if this is the wrong place.

I am going to start my transition next year, I will be 19 at the time. I have also wanted to be female, for my whole life, so I am really excited for it.

I just have a few questions, I'm not too scared of not being accepted I am an Emo anyway, I'm used to be ignored. But I do have some other fears:

Is 19 too late?
I have really hairy legs, is this bad?
I don't have lots of money, will this be a major problem?
I have big feet
I am really skinny
I am quite tall.
My hair doesn't grow very long (was considering wig)
I just feel that my expectations are far too high of how i will be
I feel selfish for doing this, as I devote my life to helping others, I don
t like helping myself.
Can I get some help with how to act and joining the community of LGBT.

If I think of anymore I will update, will try keep on this forum as often as possible.

Any bit of help is appreciated.

Thanks

Karl (For now- have no idea what to do with my name)

First off, Welcome, you have definitely come to the right place

1) no not at all, it's still really early and your growth plates might not have fused yet, giving you pretty good results. with HRT you could basically pass 100% of the time
2) E decreases hair growth, waxing/shaving reduces actual hair(surprise, surprise), electrolysis is also an option.
3) get a job, anything helps during your transition - surgery can help loads, but at 19 you still haven't gone through full testosterone poisoning yet so the results should be pretty good even with just spiro or E
4) big feet don't really mean much. no one really looks at anyone's feet and says "you know, I think that person has a Y chromosome". Unless you've got half a meter long feet, then you might have difficulty, but more on the order of "wow, that girl has really big feet, imagine all the stubbed toes".
5) being skinny is good, you will put on weight with E, much easier than losing it. Just have lots of chocolate therapy and you should fill out nicely, you need a bit of fat to redistribute.
6) this is generally anecdotal but people do lose height, around about 1-2 inches depending on where you start.
7) short hair is all the rage nowadays, a good haircut should solve most problems. Also, look into rosemary oil and castor oil, they both promote hair growth.
8.) find yourself a set of realistic goals and work from there, you'll surprise yourself at how far you go.
9) how are you being selfish? it's not selfish to be happy. it's not selfish to be yourself. Just because someone doesn't like who you are doesn't mean you're doing something bad
10) stick on here, this place is honestly a massive hugfest and has lots of really knowledgeable people who have already gone through all this.

Thank for the quick reply. You have really calmed my nerves, ha ha thanks ^-^. I dont have any trans friends, so will defo stay on this forum. Thanks again ^-^

Welcome Karl,
Lot's to learn here. People start their transformation at many ages. I would recommend having an appointment with a therapist that specializes in transgender to really understand what you will go through and to ensure this is really what you want.

Enjoy,
Heather

Welcome to Susan's Place.
Is 19 too late?
No way. I started HRT about 26 and had surgery at 30. This still makes me one of the younger transitions.
I have really hairy legs, is this bad?
I went from needing to shave my legs about every 3 days to about once in a week and a half. HRT helps with that.
I don't have lots of money, will this be a major problem?
You need a pile of money or a very good insurance plan. Most things can be worked on over time so you don't need the money all at once but you need a good education if possible, a good job and learn how to manage every cent you make,
I have big feet
I can fit my feet into a size 13 male shoe comfortably. Female shoes are available in large sizes and nobody looks at feet anyway.
I am really skinny
Good. HRT will help you gain any weight you need. I started at the bottom of my healthy weight range and I am now in the middle of it.
I am quite tall.
5'14" here but there are members on the site who are taller than me and pass effectively. The important thing is have good posture and be proud of your height.
My hair doesn't grow very long (was considering wig)
A wig will work and many member use them but hair regrowth and improvement is possible once you get rid of the testosterone poisoning
I just feel that my expectations are far too high of how i will be
You may not be a super model but you may pass effectively and be comfortable in society. Isn't that what it's all about.
I feel selfish for doing this, as I devote my life to helping others, I don
t like helping myself.
You need to take care of yourself first because nobody is going to do that for you. It's not selfish and for many of us it's a matter of survival.
Can I get some help with how to act and joining the community of LGBT.
Your local community center may provide many services but the site members are also extremely helpful. I came here for voice surgery and they provided me with everything I needed to know and acted as a sounding board for any thoughts I had.
Karl (For now- have no idea what to do with my name)
When you figure it out, let a moderator know and we will change it on the site for you,

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Thank you everyone, this is really useful. How effective is voice surgery?

Voice surgery is 50% surgery and 50% speech therapy. It's best to see what therapy can do  for you at first and then consider surgery. In my case, my voice was bass which is the lowest male voice. Even with therapy it only moved into the mid range male voice so surgery was the only way of getting the range I needed. With out therapy, and with surgery you can end up sound like a male with a very high voice. With therapy you may not need surgery. Check out the voice section if you are interested in more information.

DEAD KARL,

All your questions are good. Most are not much of an issue. Especially considering your age. I only came to accept myself as trans last year, at 50. The HRT will do nothing for facial hair, voice and most bone structure. However, it has already started working for me.

Like Dena, I highly suggest getting started in therapy. It will help you get through the maze of questions and doubts that typically rise in our community. they can help you come to your own conclusions about how to proceed, and how far to go.

This is not a sprint. It is long distance. So over time the money will add up, depending on how far you go. However, that should not stop you. Do the best with what you have. One thing I can speak to is waiting. I did not pursue this and educate myself till fairly late. However, the signs and impulses have been there since I was 8 or 9. Many trans people know then. I did not have the words or ideas at the time but it never went away. In my experience and observation of others, it never does.

I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth path.

With warmth,

Joanna

Karl
You are not being selfish. Everyone else you know is making decisions on how they want to live. Time to decide what you want from life. And don't get anxious or disappointed if you don't experience changes overnight. It's a marathon not a sprint. But this is good as it gives you time to prepare for any eventual surgeries.

There are many sound meters that will help you find and retain your best voice. https://play.google.com/store/search?q=sound%20meter%20app&c=apps&hl=en

The average man's speaking voice, for example, typically has a fundamental frequency between 85 Hz and 155 Hz. A woman's speech range is about 165 Hz to 255 Hz, and a child's voice typically ranges from 250 Hz to 300 Hz and higher. Of course, each of us has a wider range of sounds that our vocal cords can produce, and if we choose to sing, that range can extend up to four octaves.

Money? Start a Go Fund me account. Hey crazier things have happened like giving $30 k to bigots.

If you think you may want to start HRT one low / no cost alternative is Planned Parenthood. Yes that Planned Parenthood. Because of bigots they may not be conveniently located as it is mostly blue states. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexual-orientation-gender/trans-identities

I can't tell you if 19 is a good age, as I just started at 64. But most documentation supports your full transformation to a passing woman.

Facial hair will require electrolysis or if you have dark hair, laser. Hormones will retard body hair growth. But still may need electrolysis if you have unlimited funds. There is still waxing a shaving.

I have size 14 feet. I have been accused of false advertising, If ya know what I mean

I started out at 6'5" and am now 6'3" due to old age, I expect to lose a couple more inches

You will need a letter from a Therapist to confirm your need for hormones. Also from what a understand you will need letters from both your therapist and your medical professional to recommend surgery. But we are getting ahead of ourselves because as I understand it. You must be living as your desired sex fulltime for a year.

As to your name. The sky's the limit. Nothing trashy that would suggest a drag queen. It works great for drag queens because they want attention. Most transitioning people in my experience are not looking for attention. but self identity.

Use the wiki pages for outside resources and the forums to find subjects of interest being discussed by others on this site. In five months I went from confused and depressed to full clarity on where I wanted to head. You are lucky because when I was your age, information was very hard to come by and there were not that many practitioners. Along with the stigma that society thinks you have a choice. I can tell you, what kind of choice is it to spend up to four years and $60k, $70K to hope you pass well enough to be accepted. Who without a deep desire would go through all the pain of the necessary surgeries and the lifetime quest to find acceptance.

I wish you peace
Dawn

Thank you everyone, I feel so happy the now, that people out there care ha ha. I really ned to think about a name and I live in the UK, so most of the funds should be okay. The main problem is I will be away next year, which means I have to wait eveb longer before getting started. I am currently 18, but should be 19 by the time. Wont get amy support from family, but i should be okay anyway.

Quote from: DEAD KARL on August 17, 2016, 05:14:31 PM
Dear Everyone,

I am brand new here, never been on this forum before, so sorry if this is the wrong place.

I am going to start my transition next year, I will be 19 at the time. I have also wanted to be female, for my whole life, so I am really excited for it.

I just have a few questions, I'm not too scared of not being accepted I am an Emo anyway, I'm used to be ignored. But I do have some other fears:

Is 19 too late?
I have really hairy legs, is this bad?
I don't have lots of money, will this be a major problem?
I have big feet
I am really skinny
I am quite tall.
My hair doesn't grow very long (was considering wig)
I just feel that my expectations are far too high of how i will be
I feel selfish for doing this, as I devote my life to helping others, I don
t like helping myself.
Can I get some help with how to act and joining the community of LGBT.

If I think of anymore I will update, will try keep on this forum as often as possible.

Any bit of help is appreciated.

Thanks

Karl (For now- have no idea what to do with my name)

I started at 19 ^_^
1. 19 is a good age honestly. In my experience I have had some bone growth in the hips, so my plates probably not fused yet.
2. no, it lightens up some and becomes less sparse.
3. It can be but depends on how you go about it.
4. people don't really look at your feet
5. That's good makes fat redistribution easier.
6. Some women are tall. your height is fine.
7. head hair does grow, and short hair is pretty popular at the moment so there is that.
8. I think most people have high expectations, but what matters is you're happy.
9. You are important and your mental health comes before others, if you aren't doing good mentally then helping others becomes more difficult.

1. Is 19 too late?

Starting transition at 19 is a good age. You do have some advantages at that age. You're adult, something that might give you more opportunities and nobody in your family can refuse you transition. You're old enough to take your own decision. You're still young and in my opinion transition is pretty much safe and effective before the age 30. But there are also many people who's 30+ with successful transition. Even you have been through testosterone puberty, you can still make it work, you're young.

2. I have really hairy legs, is this bad?

HRT would decrease your hair growth. But waxing, shaving, electrolysis or laser can also be some opportunities which might work for you.

3. I don't have lots of money, will this be a major problem?

If you get a good job, insurance (If you're from the US) and saves money, the problem might be solved. You can also receive donation if you want to from friends etc. If you gets money as Birthday and Christmas presents, that might also go to the transition fund. Haircut, clothes, shaving tool etc wouldn't be too expensive. It exist HRT which isn't too expensive too. The surgeries and electrolysis is often the most expensive ones. Good insurance might help.

4. I have big feet

People usually doesn't stare at other people's feet. It's a bigger chance people would look at your face than your feet. Feet isn't the biggest worry you need.

5. I am really skinny

Skinny is fine. It's harder to get rid of masculine muscles from what I've seen, as long you hasn't super big muscles there wouldn't be any issues. Skinny is usually not a issue and you would get a more feminine body shape including softer features with HRT. You might also gain some weight with HRT.

6. I am quite tall.

There are also tall cis women. Some of them also works as models. As long you have a feminine face and attitude, it's lower chance people being suspicious.

7. My hair doesn't grow very long (was considering wig)

There are many good wigs in this world, so if you feels more comfortable with wigs, go for it. It exists wigs which looks natural/realistic and is made of real human hair. They are expensive, but perhaps worth it. If you want to buy wigs, I recommend you to own two. It's smart to have a extra wig just in case some of them gets worn. You have to replace them with new ones sometimes too.

8. I just feel that my expectations are far too high of how i will be

If you looks at other people (medical) transition, you might get a idea how effective HRT is and perhaps a more realistic pictures. But keep in mind every people are difference, so I doesn't recommend you to compare too much to other tg people. You may get a image how it works with looking at others.

9. I feel selfish for doing this, as I devote my life to helping others, I don't like helping myself.
Can I get some help with how to act and joining the community of LGBT.

It's not selfish at all. If taking care of your health should be considering as selfish, then wearing glasses, going to the dentist, taking medicines etc. should be considering selfish as well. It's not your fault you're in this situation. Trying to do the best out of it and making yourself happy is a good thing. Don't let other put you down. :)

Hello Karl, or Karla :)
I had the "Emo" style too abot 7 years ago, I lol'd when I seen that term again!
Starting at 19 is fantastic, I started at 26, would have atarted at 20 had my mother been supportive!
You are in a great position, the hair and height are things that can change with HRT, yes even height can change by an inch or maybe more.
Feet also may change slightly, what changes isnt your bones, its the cartilage between them, thats why height can have a major change as the back has alot of cartilage between Vertiebrea.
How is your hair? I'm sure it will grow if you give it time? As an emo its been long before right?
It isn't thining at 18 I hope?
And financially, i hope maybe your parents could help you when you come out? Hopefully they are accepting.
Anyway welcome to the group, hugs Christine.

Thanks again everyone, I won't be able to receive help from my family as we had a dark past and I don't want to associate with them anymore. I am wondering a lot about pulling it off, how well it goes and everything. From pictures I have seen it's either mega famous people who have the money or scare stories about it going bad, so sadly I haven't seen much middle ground :(

I think there are a lot of successful transitions that are in between. If you take a look at a number of before and after threads. I think there are a lot of very "passable" people who start in their 30s, 40s and some older. It just may take time. However, puberty and changes in AFAB people often take 3 years or more. Then their bodies often take almost 10 more before they really get to their adult look(this is not proven science but observations on my part).

I guess I am saying it is normal to have doubts and fears. However, if this is the right path for you, go in that direction. For many it ends up being a choice of living and finding happiness(even if not totally "passable" 100% of the time) or allowing self destructive thoughts or behavior to shorten our lives. Sorry, not trying to bring this down or be melodramatic. Back to the point I was making- patience is really needed. It is hard and we all want change now but good change rarely happens that way.

Good luck.

With warmth,

Joanna

Small steps build confidence and capability.   Try not to bite the whole pie at once; just take each step, see where it goes, and enjoy the life experience along the way of changing your body, into YOU.