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Blogs => Member Blogs => Topic started by: Nora Kay on November 29, 2021, 10:36:10 pm

Title: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on November 29, 2021, 10:36:10 pm
Ya I am not sure how I am feeling today. Let’s start with getting ready for my pain dr appointment today. My wife just left for a business meeting and then she will be on a one day business trip. And when she gets back we are leaving to Cabo San Lucas. So out of the shower I decide I’ll wear a bra today. I’m checking to see how noticeable it would be. And from the front. Not to noticeable. Then I check side view and I start freaking out. To me totally noticeable. So I am ok then, no bra. So something I never even realize is how noticeable just the breasts are from the side. And having some large in size nipples, I am like uh oh. How have I been doing this for these months, just letting them hang out. I guess when being about 100 lbs over weight they just looked like moobs. But now that I am down 80 lbs the girls did not shrink while the rest around them did. So not having time to put the bra back on I just threw a hoodie over them and left.

Now I am sitting in my car waiting for the pain dr, my endo calls me while I was on hold for him. So of course when I call back I get the bad news my endo can see me Wednesday. The day we leave for Cabo. I tell them today or tomorrow or after the 8th. They tell me if the have an opening they will call back. So I’m bummed, no call. So it’s at least another week until we just go over my labs. Still longer that until I get my pellets back. Well at least I know I will have my E and P back no later than the 24th of January. Waiting is driving me nuts. On my mind 24/7.

So this all just triggers other thoughts. What am I going to do this time. If already told my wife things that were true at the time but no longer are. 2 years ago when I hit the pause button I 100% thought I had it under control. I was done. I don’t need to transition. But as I lost weight I noticed my breast did not lose weight and that triggered everything. By the way I love having my breasts. And these feelings did not come back all at once. It was little by little. When my wife and I had the talk the second time I was convinced it was different this time. I could live as a female under my clothing and present a happy male on the outside. As I got thinner I looked better in a few things. And that made me think. And that triggered more. So now feeling wise, I am all the way back. Probably worse than before. Now I have to have another talk with my wife.

Last time any talk of any feminizing surgery triggered huge fights between us. Even something I thought was small potatoes was a huge deal to her. I figured that since I am on hrt. An orchiectomy would be no big deal. I mean before hrt we were talking about getting me fixed. Lol.  So I thought what’s the difference. To her a big difference.

So now a few things that may seem like I would have an easy time convincing her, just confuse me a little.

First thing when we met I had an online business selling stripper shoes. No big deal to her. Even when she asked if I ever tried on any. Of course I said yes. Have to make sure of the quality. Lol. And when we met I had no clue about anything transgender. I just wore women’s clothes. And I thought it was just a fetish. But I had not told her anything about me wanting to wear her clothes. The way she found out was I did not clear my history after I was searching online to see if I could still wear high heals after an ankle fusion. Luckily I did not get it fuzed. I can still wear heals after my ankle replacement. And when I told her she was like, is that all. No big deal.

She asks my favorite color. I tell her hot pink. And the first Christmas together I get a hot pink phone cover. And there is a lot of pink in my life. The shorts I sleep in are womens hot pink danskin shorts she bought me. My favorite hoodie is from when we lived in Huntington Beach. It gray with hot pink lettering and lining. I jus bought a pair of hot pink cargo shorts. Did not faze her. When its cold I sleep in my cute skulls with bows leggings or my hot pink tiger stripped leggings. My side of the closet still is about half female clothes. Just tried on my size 12 skirt. One of my favs and it fits. It’s the one with the rose gold zipper. I love it. One day I hope to be able to wear it out somewhere.

I go thru reading glasses like they are nothing. I buy the cheaper ones but still stylish and women’s. I need about 6-10 pair. I take them off and forget where. Easier to just have a lot.

I collect Envicta watches and I wear the one with the pink face the most. I can kind of see why she is a little tired of pink. Lol. But I love it so she deals.

When we had our second talk and I told her it’s coming back. She said she figured as much because of what I was starting to wear around the house. But stupid me said it was different this time. Not as bad. Now I need to have another talk to let her know it’s just as bad or worse. She will most likely say that’s what she figured. She is pretty smart sometimes. But I don’t think she understands what it means. I mean she says she reads the material I give her but I am not sure she understands where this is or would be going. Or she does know and she just hopes it does not go there. I have been told multiple times she does not like women that way.

When she gets dressed to go anywhere she asks me if it looks good. I have to approve her wardrobe because I’m the diva and she has no fashion sense. Lol. As a matter of fact her new question is would “Would You wear it?” Lol

Last time we would go shopping and if I wanted it she would let me get it. She bought me tops. A pair of jeans with a floral design on them. Tank tops. Camisoles. Underwear. Pajamas. Skirts and etc. I wore her jeans a lot. I dressed pretty femme still presenting male last time. I remember going to Costco and she bought 2 skorts and I bought 4. I loved those skorts. Still have them. But they are to big for me because I don’t have hips. But she still wears them.

Wow stuff I did not even remember is coming back to me. Now I remember when I started to go to transgender meet ups she said she was fine with me dressing up as a woman. I could get a wig wear make up and etc… I never did. I could not get myself to do that in front of her for some reason.

Now I have to break it to her how much it has come back. And hope she is at least as good about it as before. I still have a hard time talking to her about it. I don’t want to hurt her or lose her.
I already told her I will be restarting hrt. She said she did not like what it did to my body. I told her my breasts probably won’t get any bigger. And it probably won’t change my body much more than last time. But I was bigger then. So I don’t know. But she agreed to that so I am good up to that.

Last time I was getting electrolosis on some of my body and neck. And when I had some done on my face she had a fit. She is fine with a full body wax including a Brazilian though, and she still is. So I don’t know if it’s going to be better to ask for permission or ask for forgiveness. I mean last time I always had my nails done. But I only could get a French mani and pedi and once I used a matte top coat that was all I could do. Because it looks pretty natural. Not many noticed. And those who did were ok with it. But the very last time I had my nails done I did a light pink dip gel and she had a fit. I am sure I could have left them and she would of got over it and things would have been fine. But I gave in and had them removed. I think part of it was I was getting ready to go in for my ankle replacement surgery. And she did not want people to see.

It drives me nuts when she says I am handsome and how she loves my wide shoulders. I don’t think I could let her know that it bothers me. More I don’t think I could tell her why it bothers me.

So almost anything I do is ok. But I know there is no way she would ok any kind of surgery. It seems like as long as I can get back to presenting male I’m ok. Not sure she would go out with me in public dressed as full female. So I would be in my own there too.

So this is what goes thru my mind a lot lately. Some I remembered while typing this. Lol

Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on November 30, 2021, 10:03:53 am
So I woke up today and the first thing I see is me in the mirror and all I see is a guy that no way could never pass. There is this bald guy with facial hair dressed like a girl. Super frustrating. Then I think maybe with out that facial hair and a wig then maybe. Then I think no possibility. Then I wonder maybe with makeup. But I don’t really like make up. I have not even tried makeup in over 20 years. Make me feel super fake. Then I think why bother? Because any surgery would cause me to lose my wife.

Then my thoughts go to wondering what my neighbor behind me has seen. Lol. I mean I am in my back yard all the time in what I slept in. I have been out there picking up dog poop in a skirt. But never even thought about it before. My behind me neighbors are 2 story and can definitely see into our back yard from their second story. Ya so what ever. Lol.

This trip we are leaving on tomorrow should be great. I will try to leave some thoughts home. Probably won’t work but we always have a good time. Just sucks that I will be traveling with probably nothing more than what I will sleep in women’s clothing wise. Well, I have a lot to get done today. Have to get ready to be my wife’s guy for the next week. One day I dream of….. well you know. Right?
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 30, 2021, 10:28:30 am
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts regarding your life and your transition journey.

It is good personal therapy to write out your feelings... you can then ponder your situation
and find ways to make positive changes as you are able.

You might find the following Link helpful:
            Positive Mindset... put away negativity
         https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.0.html

HUGS and best wishes to you as you continue on.
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on November 30, 2021, 03:19:12 pm
Ok. Been thinking about this a lot lately. I have a problem with talking on the phone. And it’s been all my life.  This has kept me from getting things done as well as getting things period. Well at least in a timely manner. Like today. I want to go get my nails done. All I have to do is call for an appointment. But the anxiety of talking in the phone kept from doing it today. I will eventually get myself to call. But now I will have to wait a week until I get back from our vacation. The funny thing is. I have a absolutely no problem talking to anybody in person. But with covid. Some things still have to be started by a phone call. My phone anxiety actually just postpones things. And sometimes I am actually fine. Like when I have to talk to a new supplier to set up a wholesale account. I am fine. And I am great on the phone. Always. Once I make the call it always turns out fine. But I still have that anxiety. Like with my endocrinologist. If I would have called them back in a timely matter I would already be back on hrt. And now I am fine talking to them. Calling them and etc…. So I do not understand it sometimes. I am my own worst enemy.

Second thing I have been thinking about a lot is my teeth. I wear dentures and I plan on getting implants. Just my wife has a certain cost she wants me to stay under. And I know I will be going over that amount. Should I feel bad about getting them now when there is a possibility we break up later on in my transition. I mean I am pretty sure she would still help. But not sure about the amount. I don’t work and my business is just starting. Kind of trying to get it up and running before I make too many waves. Just in case I will need to support myself later.

Sometimes I just want to cry when I think about all the plans she has for us together. When depending on what I do and how fast I do it, it could end things.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on November 30, 2021, 03:47:54 pm
Hi Nora Kay,

Thanks for sharing.  I think it helps me when I post, though I'm prone to getting off topic sometimes.

I had a couple of surgeries to get dental implants.  Well worth it.

My hair is long and I present female all the time with heels and girly clothes, but its only recently that I've been wearing my pink VS panties all day long.  Sometimes we just have to move at our own pace.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 30, 2021, 04:24:29 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora Kay:
I am glad to see that this thread that you have started has turned into your personal Blog.

If you would like, I can move it to the Blog sub-forum and perhaps change the subject titles to
"Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay" or whatever subject title you may wish.

Please reply on this thread or you can send me an Email with your request.
HUGS,
Danielle

Global Moderator   northernstargirl@susans.org
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on November 30, 2021, 05:28:19 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora Kay:
I am glad to see that this thread that you have started has turned into your personal Blog.

If you would like, I can move it to the Blog sub-forum and perhaps change the subject titles to
"Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay" or whatever subject title you may wish.

Please reply on this thread or you can send me an Email with your request.
HUGS,
Danielle

Global Moderator   northernstargirl@susans.org

I think that would be fine. Even though I have been at this for a while. I have not posted a lot about this like I am now. So if you think it would be better I am good with that.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 30, 2021, 06:28:32 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
I am so glad to see that you now have your own personal Blog thread that will be your Journal and a place to post your life endeavors and your transition journey updates and events.
I always make the suggestion to members that keeping a journal is good personal therapy.   Not only with our own journal/Blog threads but also I always recommend keeping a more private and personal "old-school" Pen&Paper journal at home.   

I keep and "old school" pen and paper personal journal at my home which is full of colorful doodling, sometimes illegible and hurried writing, snapshot photos, notes about doctors appointments, my romantic endeavors, my coming out trials and tribulations, and other writings about those that I am friends with, those that accept me, those that do not accept me, and my issues with my non-accepting parents and family, etc, etc.
 
I find that it is definitely very good personal therapy to write out my feelings and venting...  and ponder my situations in my journal.  Just writing out these things can help me to sort out my priorities and to find ways to help positively solve my issues.

When you report good news we will all rejoice with you and be happy for you... and when you write not-so-good news we will lend you our ears to listen and our shoulders for you to lean on.   
We are your biggest fans and we are always rooting for your success and happiness.

My home journals (I have several now) are not in any kind of a fancy book and not with a clever cover...  mine are rather plain 3 ring notebooks that allows for adding pages and inserting lots of notes and scribbles and some photos too.   
Whatever works for you is important, after-all it is YOUR JOURNAL to do with what you want.

I often find myself leafing through some of the past entrees of my BLOG/journal postings here on the Forums and my personal journals that I keep at home and will sit and read it for hours on a cold rainy night sitting in my comfy chair sometimes with a smile and laughter, sometimes with satisfaction with my decisions,  and sometimes with tears in my eyes.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts....  I will continue to be eagerly following your postings around the various thread on the Forums
Hugs and best wishes to you....
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on November 30, 2021, 11:38:51 pm
Hi Nora Kay,

Thanks for sharing.  I think it helps me when I post, though I'm prone to getting off topic sometimes.

I had a couple of surgeries to get dental implants.  Well worth it.

My hair is long and I present female all the time with heels and girly clothes, but its only recently that I've been wearing my pink VS panties all day long.  Sometimes we just have to move at our own pace.

Marion

Ha ha. Off topic you say. Sounds like we have that in common.

One thing I wonder on the dental implants is if there is a difference between male and female. I will have to do some research.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 01, 2021, 01:16:40 am
My name Nora is made by just taking letters out of my boy name. And the name Kay is my moms middle name. I really miss her. God rest her soul. And yes God loves me. Being transgender is not a sin.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on December 01, 2021, 09:20:59 am



So this all just triggers other thoughts. What am I going to do this time. If already told my wife things that were true at the time but no longer are.


Ain't that a pip, though?

I kept finding that my feelings had run far ahead of my awareness of my feelings. I'd think I wasn't ready for something, tell DW the same, and then go and do it impulsively because I actually was ready. I'd only been denying it to myself and everyone else.

On reflection, I don't think I was being dishonest. I was just afraid of the truth.

You, though, seem to be well aware of the truth and are mostly concerned about the implications. That's very fair, very reasonable. You should be proud you're not afraid of the truth.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 01, 2021, 09:26:44 am
Looked in the mirror this morning. First thing that came to mind was “Imposter” But rwhich side am I imposting more?
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on December 01, 2021, 02:23:12 pm
Looked in the mirror this morning. First thing that came to mind was “Imposter” But which side am I imposting more?

If you didn't see yourself, you know the answer.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 06, 2021, 01:37:09 pm
First I want to say. I have 2 therapists I can talk to about anything. So I don’t need someone to tell me to talk to one. I am just looking for honest opinions. This subject is always on my mind. And not even a therapist can give me an answer that is not at least based on some opinion. I usually think pretty far outside the box. So any answer here will be taken as any other answer. So don’t be afraid to answer if you think it may be far fetched or whatever. Many problems get solved or many answers are found when someone’s opinion seems outside the so called box.

I was full speed into transition, when my ankle went out completely. I knew I had no time left and scheduled it for 3 weeks out. When I could no longer walk 2 weeks out. So I was spot on about needing a replacement.

When I say full speed. On hrt I achieved full testosterone suppression with just E and P. I no longer needed blockers and was told my T was too low and needed to start to look into adding some T. I was getting electrolosis done somewhere on my body about twice a week. 80% of my wardrobe was female. Still sporting some some facial hair though, as my wife was not able to handle letting it go. I was fine because everything can’t be done at once so for her I could leave the goatee fir last.

So I have surgery, which the surgeon said was one of the most difficult he ever had done. Thank god I did my research and found the best. As my replacement ankle has less pain “now” than my right ankle that has some arthritis. During this surgery the pain block did not work and the pain was the worst I have ever had and remembered. I mean when I was young I was in an accident so bad it put me in a coma for a couple of weeks. This replacement is because of this accident.

So I want to know is why? Before I even left the hospital I wanted nothing to do with transition. So much so after a 3 month waiting period that I had to stay off that ankle, I purged most of my clothing and items. Was it the pain. Or not the pain but the surgery? And what happens if I have gender surgery and it happens again? Being trapped in the wrong body does not go away. It will always come back. But if I do something thing that can’t be reversed and I have this temporary reversal in thoughts again it could do some damage. So I would like to figure out why. Why the reversal in thoughts. Why?
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on December 06, 2021, 03:54:11 pm
So I want to know is why? Before I even left the hospital I wanted nothing to do with transition. So much so after a 3 month waiting period that I had to stay off that ankle, I purged most of my clothing and items. Was it the pain. Or not the pain but the surgery? And what happens if I have gender surgery and it happens again? Being trapped in the wrong body does not go away. It will always come back. But if I do something thing that can’t be reversed and I have this temporary reversal in thoughts again it could do some damage. So I would like to figure out why. Why the reversal in thoughts. Why?

Maybe some sort of chemical release from your brain temporarily relieved your dysphoria? About 10 seconds after orgasming, I lose my desire to transition, pretty much every single time. It's from the oxytocin that released when you orgasm. Maybe the pain meds caused this reaction for you.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on December 07, 2021, 09:16:25 am
First I want to say. I have 2 therapists I can talk to about anything. So I don’t need someone to tell me to talk to one. I am just looking for honest opinions.

I was full speed into transition, when my ankle went out completely. I knew I had no time left and scheduled it for 3 weeks out. When I could no longer walk 2 weeks out. So I was spot on about needing a replacement.

When I say full speed. On hrt I achieved full testosterone suppression with just E and P. I no longer needed blockers and was told my T was too low and needed to start to look into adding some T. I was getting electrolosis done somewhere on my body about twice a week. 80% of my wardrobe was female. Still sporting some some facial hair though, as my wife was not able to handle letting it go. I was fine because everything can’t be done at once so for her I could leave the goatee fir last.

So I have surgery, which the surgeon said was one of the most difficult he ever had done. Thank god I did my research and found the best. As my replacement ankle has less pain “now” than my right ankle that has some arthritis. During this surgery the pain block did not work and the pain was the worst I have ever had and remembered. I mean when I was young I was in an accident so bad it put me in a coma for a couple of weeks. This replacement is because of this accident.

So I want to know is why? Before I even left the hospital I wanted nothing to do with transition. So much so after a 3 month waiting period that I had to stay off that ankle, I purged most of my clothing and items. Was it the pain. Or not the pain but the surgery? And what happens if I have gender surgery and it happens again? Being trapped in the wrong body does not go away. It will always come back. But if I do something thing that can’t be reversed and I have this temporary reversal in thoughts again it could do some damage. So I would like to figure out why. Why the reversal in thoughts. Why?


Hey, NK.

I've seen SO many stories of people purging their wardrobe/cosmetics/other symbols of their trans identities that I could probably write them for hire.

Always seems to be triggered by some moment of high emotion and personal difficulty. I reckon you qualify there. The purged, inevitably then plagued by self-doubt about their own identity, goes into a funk until they find themselves accumulating the next set of symbols of trans identity that give them solace.

The cycle is not unknown to lather, rinse, repeat.

My point is that what you're going through is normal. Not any fun, but totally normal. 

It's so very unsettling to feel one's identity under assault, and when we ourselves are our own personal assailants, it surpasses the "unsettling" and shoots straight up into "weird." And who needs weirdness in their lives when they have all these other difficulties and emotional turmoil to deal with?

Trust me, you won't have GCS until you're ready. You won't get a boob job until you're ready. If you do choose to transition in any form, you'll do it piece by piece as you're ready. All that stuff is too far down the road to fret about today.

Your purge will be wonderful fodder to explore in depth with tdocs. I urge you forward!


Good luck
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 07, 2021, 11:28:32 am
Maybe some sort of chemical release from your brain temporarily relieved your dysphoria? About 10 seconds after orgasming, I lose my desire to transition, pretty much every single time. It's from the oxytocin that released when you orgasm. Maybe the pain meds caused this reaction for you.

I can see this as the trigger or start if it all. I have chronic pain, so I was on pain meds before surgery. But after I was in so much pain. The amount of meds to even take the edge off was 2-3 times the amount I was on to start. I am about half of the amount of pain meds I was before surgery. Pretty much a maintenance dose now. To keep my back from hurting bad enough to keep me down.

Oh and the orgasms. The exact same thing before I started HRT the first time. Then after starting hrt I needed to orgasm once a month to keep my mind straight. And now waiting for HRT to restart it’s about once a month to keep the erections at bay. AND Every time I lose that desire. But it now only lasts for about a minute before my brain is back to normal.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 07, 2021, 01:22:22 pm

Hey, NK.

I've seen SO many stories of people purging their wardrobe/cosmetics/other symbols of their trans identities that I could probably write them for hire.

Trust me, you won't have GCS until you're ready. You won't get a boob job until you're ready. If you do choose to transition in any form, you'll do it piece by piece as you're ready. All that stuff is too far down the road to fret about today.

Good luck

Ha, well I think the amount I have purged throughout my life could fill a rather large chapter. Only this last time I did not purge everything. So subconsciously I am sure I knew I would be needing or  wanting some things in the future.

And I am thinking a boob job won’t be necessary. My short stint with HRT last time has given me a nice B Cup or Small C cup depending on the Bra I have on. So being there is a possibility that I could still get some growth when I restart HRT I am hoping I will be happy with what I have or get with some help from body sculpting exercises. I have lost 80 so far lbs and about ready to hit the gym again to add some definition to the upper body and some bulk to the lower body, hip and butt area.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on December 07, 2021, 01:27:33 pm
Oh and the orgasms. The exact same thing before I started HRT the first time. Then after starting hrt I needed to orgasm once a month to keep my mind straight. And now waiting for HRT to restart it’s about once a month to keep the erections at bay. AND Every time I lose that desire. But it now only lasts for about a minute before my brain is back to normal.

[genital discussion trigger warning]
Yup. I think it varies from a minute or two to maybe twenty or thirty before I'm back on the fem train. Not to sidetrack but the weirdest thing for me after my hormones levels changed a bit was getting all hot and bothered from something I'd seen or read and being sure that I'm "fully awake" down there to finding that nothing was happening.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 07, 2021, 03:20:55 pm
[genital discussion trigger warning]
Yup. I think it varies from a minute or two to maybe twenty or thirty before I'm back on the fem train. Not to sidetrack but the weirdest thing for me after my hormones levels changed a bit was getting all hot and bothered from something I'd seen or read and being sure that I'm "fully awake" down there to finding that nothing was happening.

No such thing as a sidetrack on my blog. Lol
I wish. I so wish. I was full dose+ HRT. The + is because no Drug, no medicine, no alcohol nothing I ever try works at a normal dose. And my HRT was and will be again, (hopefully next week) pellets. The most potent form of E in my opinion. And the way I knew I needed my next batch was my little morning friend. He would come to see me. Did not like my random little friend. And even at full potency I could get to functional if my wife and I decided to mess around. The funny thing was I had no problem with it. The way I feel is if it’s being used it can stay. But like now and back then we talk about using it but it just never happens. So that and the fact it still works make me wish it was not there. 
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on December 07, 2021, 06:33:15 pm
No such thing as a sidetrack on my blog. Lol
I wish. I so wish. I was full dose+ HRT. The + is because no Drug, no medicine, no alcohol nothing I ever try works at a normal dose. And my HRT was and will be again, (hopefully next week) pellets. The most potent form of E in my opinion. And the way I knew I needed my next batch was my little morning friend. He would come to see me. Did not like my random little friend. And even at full potency I could get to functional if my wife and I decided to mess around. The funny thing was I had no problem with it. The way I feel is if it’s being used it can stay. But like now and back then we talk about using it but it just never happens. So that and the fact it still works make me wish it was not there.

I'm a bit different. I'm very sensitive to the lowest doses. And my equipment seems to work no matter what, so far, it's just that the morning and overnight visitations pretty much stopped. And it usually don't respond until someone takes matters in-hand, after which it's go time.

But yeah, I'm ok with keeping the parts.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 07, 2021, 09:19:34 pm
So thoughts for tonight. My last night in Cabo San Lucas. Going to miss hearing the surf right outside our balcony. So close we can hear it while we sleep with the door closed. It’s awesome. Left most of my women’s clothing at home. Just my sleep shorts and my dress I wear after a shower. Brought some sports bras but could not get myself to wear one out. Can’t figure out why. My breasts show big time without one. No way anybody would know I was wearing one. And in reality it would hide them rather well. I look around at all these nice people and think no way I would be accepted as my true self. Something I need to get over. Have a hard time dealing with my wife calling me handsome. But all and all had a great time. One of our best on vacation. Wondering if it could be one of our last. Holding back my transition is not working. And I don’t think my wife has a clue how much all this is affecting me. When I told her it’s all coming back. I told her I will just do what I do and if something is to much she is to let me know and we will talk about it. Afraid of disappointing her. Afraid of losing her. But I need to move forward. I know she will always love me. Just don’t know if she will always be with me. Little sad tonight. For many reasons.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on December 07, 2021, 09:52:35 pm
I'm so sorry. I get it...all of it.
Hang in there.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 08, 2021, 12:04:45 am
I'm so sorry. I get it...all of it.
Hang in there.

Thank you! And as the song says. I’ll get by with a little help from my friends.

I came back to Susan's so I can make some friends, get some advice and to help where I can. I have been through more than some newbies but not as much as others. I am on most days. Sometimes just lurking. And get notifications if something happens here. It’s different for me this time. I am forcing myself to be more open and out going. It’s a good thing.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on December 08, 2021, 09:33:11 am
Thank you! And as the song says. I’ll get by with a little help from my friends.

I came back to Susan's so I can make some friends, get some advice and to help where I can. I have been through more than some newbies but not as much as others. I am on most days. Sometimes just lurking. And get notifications if something happens here. It’s different for me this time. I am forcing myself to be more open and out going. It’s a good thing.
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora Kay:
I am so glad to read that you are trying  "to be more open and out going."
You will definitely form more acquaintances, and make like-minded friends with that approach
here on the Forums and also IRL.

Keep on keeping on!!!!
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 11, 2021, 02:43:24 pm
Back from vacation and compared to where I was, it is cold here lol. A lot on my mind while I was there. I would come out if our condo and wonder if I would be accepted for who I am. And stress over it a little. It’s weird. A sports bra would hide my breasts. But I could not get my self to put it on while I was there. But today I put on my regular bra and I went out today to drop off some mail. Even with an oversized hoodie on they are very noticeable. Funny I still have not been able to order more bras. Partly because the decision of color is holding me back. But will probably order some today. I need some everyday black and white comfy ones. After I got back I received my toe socks I ordered. A pink pair and a couple of orange pairs. Also had to go shopping to get our pups some food. And while I was at target I picked up some underwear and some cute leggings. It’s weird. I have never had a problem shopping for women’s clothes in person. I guess because nobody cares what you are buying.

And I was able to secure a phone appointment with my endocrinologist for this Wednesday to go over my labs. Yay!! And hoping for a pellet insertion date before Christmas. That would make a great Christmas present. I have to make sure I get a prescription for progesterone as well. E is good. But E with P is even better.

For the first time since finding out I am who I am. I was looking at wigs. So wow!! I am back. I am moving forward and I feel good about the direction I am moving in. Now to find a good laser hair removal place. I was waxed from neck to toe before I left on vacation but it’s already back and disgusting me. Body hair is just so gross. 
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 11, 2021, 07:44:43 pm
Still wearing oversized hoodie to cover what shows. Still shows a little. Went grocery shopping then prepped some salad. My wife was rubbing my back. Felt my bra and no comment. But a little grin. I just hate not knowing exactly where I stand. Not much I can’t do up to a point. I know it embarrasses her. So as long as I can dress as a guy. She is good. But when it gets to a point where I need more we are going to have to talk about it. I am still not comfortable talking about it. Funny how me as myself would embarrass her. And can’t even tell our son and his boyfriend. Our some is my stepson. I bought leggings the other day and no problem. Was even told I should go to yoga with her. Because the men that go where leggings under their shorts. I really want to get my nails done. But I think I’ll wait until after Christmas. That way we are done seeing her family. So I don’t have to deal if anybody notices. Yes I am just rambling. But you know. Lol. Funny thing about leggings. I like them and usually what I do when I like something. I get a wholesale account for it and buy in bulk and sell them on my website so it won’t cost me a lot. For tax purposes it’s still easier if I buy them off of myself. Pretty sure I found the supplier to a lot of people on Etsy.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 11, 2021, 08:00:52 pm
I mean how do you have that conversation with someone and have them understand how you feel. It’s just my opinion, but I don’t want to be a woman. I am a woman. In the wrong body. I don’t have the choice. If I did I would be fine as a man. That’s the problem. People think it’s a choice and they don’t really understand. That not understanding no matter what you tell them is what causes feelings like depression and suicide. No matter how not serious you are about suicide. It’s still there. And just having that thought. You know?
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on December 11, 2021, 09:02:58 pm
I'm very new to all of this and I really don't know what I'm doing at this point, but like you, I'm in very uncertain waters regarding my relationship - and I keep returning to this thought. Do with it what you will:

I have been reading SO MUCH about wives' (in these cases) reactions to their husbands coming out and I do wonder how much of it has to do with their fears about "failing" or being rejected - like somehow your discovering yourself represents a failing on their part to be the "woman" to your "man" (it doesn't). So from my perspective - and in my particular case - I feel like the best I can do is to try to reassure her that she's still my life partner, my mate, the only one for me, that I'm not changing my sexual preference to meet my gender - that SHE is my sexual preference. I figure that's about the only thing I can do besides answering any questions she might have along the way.

I really have no idea right now if this is what it's about and I certainly don't understand what you're dealing with. I'm just sharing this thought.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on December 11, 2021, 09:53:48 pm
@Nora Kay  @Courtney G
My heart goes out to both of you and other transitioners that are experiencing similar situations with partners, spouses, and close relationships.

I know that there are many members here on the Forums that will beneficial for you to exchange and share your comments, thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc....that, in itself, can be good therapy and can yield possible guidance support, encouragement, and reassurance.
                    

At this point, it would be good if you did some more reading of other members postings in the various threads around the Forums.

I will be eagerly looking for your updates and future postings.
HUGS and HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 11, 2021, 10:39:29 pm
I'm very new to all of this and I really don't know what I'm doing at this point, but like you, I'm in very uncertain waters regarding my relationship - and I keep returning to this thought. Do with it what you will:

I have been reading SO MUCH about wives' (in these cases) reactions to their husbands coming out and I do wonder how much of it has to do with their fears about "failing" or being rejected - like somehow your discovering yourself represents a failing on their part to be the "woman" to your "man" (it doesn't). So from my perspective - and in my particular case - I feel like the best I can do is to try to reassure her that she's still my life partner, my mate, the only one for me, that I'm not changing my sexual preference to meet my gender - that SHE is my sexual preference. I figure that's about the only thing I can do besides answering any questions she might have along the way.

I really have no idea right now if this is what it's about and I certainly don't understand what you're dealing with. I'm just sharing this thought.

You are welcome to share your thoughts here no matter what. No matter what you say. Whether I agree or not, I want to hear it. How else do we grow and learn.

I think it’s good to let her know she is the one. She was always the one and always will be. And I always do that for my wife. I make sure she knows how I feel about her. When I say hello to her it’s always “ hello beautiful “ we say I love you to each other multiple times a day. We try to never go to bed mad. And I alway tell her “sweet dreams baby” when I say good night to her. And because of that I know she loves me. She pretty much says the same to me. But it sucks that it’s to my guy self and not my female self. Maybe as I am able to open up to her more she will learn who I really am and want to make me happy. She always tells me she wants me to be happy. On vacation she bought be 2 pink bracelets because I love pink and it makes me happy. Everything we do is to make each other happy. I just pray that will continue as I move further along. So far she is still here. I have very noticeable boobs and she does not like the way my body looks. But she still says I’m good looking to her. And she is still here. She knows I am restarting HRT and she is still here. I will be getting my nails done soon and she knows I am doing it. I may be wrong but I think worst case scenario is we are friends that live together. Best case is the same but are a couple as we are now. But I could be wrong. One thing I do can change how she feels. Don’t know what it is. And I don’t think she knows what it is.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: EllenW on December 12, 2021, 11:28:17 am
@Nora Kay, @Courtney G

I believe that both of you are doing your best to make sure that your spouse knows that you love her and want to be with her the rest of your life. It is the same path I took with my love of my life. I just want to caution you that it may take longer than you hope for her to totally accept you as your true feminine self. For me it took a couple of decades but was well worth the time and effort I spent. At the end, we had mani/pedi's together and went shopping for clothes together. However, to me the most important fact to me is she helped me picked my new name and introduced me to people using it.

Ellen
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 13, 2021, 11:47:10 am
@Nora Kay, @Courtney G

I believe that both of you are doing your best to make sure that your spouse knows that you love her and want to be with her the rest of your life. It is the same path I took with my love of my life. I just want to caution you that it may take longer than you hope for her to totally accept you as your true feminine self. For me it took a couple of decades but was well worth the time and effort I spent. At the end, we had mani/pedi's together and went shopping for clothes together. However, to me the most important fact to me is she helped me picked my new name and introduced me to people using it.

Ellen

That is so wonderful! Any of us can only hope for that kind of relationship from our wives. It’s rare and like you say it will take a while. I know I can’t rush it. To fast would make her uncomfortable and I don’t want that. I have told my wife that I will do what I do and if it’s too uncomfortable for her to let me know and we will discuss it. She has felt the bra on my back and has not said anything negative. So that step seems fine. It’s just when I change something I know she likes. Like I know that when I cut my super long goatee super short she would have preferred me to keep it. And if I shave completely we will have a discussion. But on the other hand. Last time when I started hrt. She told me it was ok with her for me to shave wear make up and a wig when I went out to my support group at that time. Never did but had the permission. So I know she is open to things just don’t know how much.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on December 13, 2021, 12:55:00 pm
@Nora Kay, @Courtney G

I believe that both of you are doing your best to make sure that your spouse knows that you love her and want to be with her the rest of your life. It is the same path I took with my love of my life. I just want to caution you that it may take longer than you hope for her to totally accept you as your true feminine self. For me it took a couple of decades but was well worth the time and effort I spent. At the end, we had mani/pedi's together and went shopping for clothes together. However, to me the most important fact to me is she helped me picked my new name and introduced me to people using it.

Ellen

Ellen: Thanks so much for your kindness.

It does sound like a dream. I'm hoping Nora finds the same in time. And I wish the same for me. I guess we have to proceed slowly and lovingly, with an open mind. With a little luck (and some encouragement) we can only hope our partners come to understand and accept us over time.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 14, 2021, 05:46:43 pm
Ugh. Today sucks. Kind of. I knew I should have taken my shower earlier this morning. Got a call out of the blue from my endocrinologist saying they had a cancellation. And could I make it at 4. I was caught off guard and said no. Looking at the time I did not think I could be ready and be able to make it in time. Plus it was pouring rain and I did not want to drive in the rain with the time crunch I would be in.  But jumped in the shower and was ready that if I left in the next 10 minutes, I would have just enough time. It’s about a 37 minute drive. So of course I called back and they just filled the slot. But they did ask if I might be able to make it Thursday if they had a cancellation. So here is hoping. They told me I did not need to discuss my labs as they looked and I’m good to go to get pellets inserted.

The new bra is the same as the one I’ve been wearing but the new one makes the girls look bigger.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 14, 2021, 06:44:16 pm
Oh so I totally forgot. Anytime my wife wants something she sends me a pic or a link. This time it was these super cute marry janes from Tuk shoes. When I went to look at them there was a pair I liked better. I told her about them and told her if she get her purple ones I get the olive colored leopard pattern one. She says they are creepers so she’s ok with it. But I am thinking they might be creepers. But they are definitely Mary Janes as well. I got an email that they are shipping today. So I was reminded of this story. 😀
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 15, 2021, 02:43:31 pm
Oh my freakin god. It’s a good thing my endocrinologist office seems a little like one receptionist does not know what the other did or said. Yesterday I missed going in by 10 minutes and was told that since they know I’m getting my E for sure I did not need my phone appointment. But before that call yesterday I got a voice mail saying to be by my phone at 12. On the second call is when they said I did not need my phone appointment. So I was not expecting the doctor to call me today after 12. She said I was supposed to call. But the receptionist said to wait by my phone. Anyway Doctor called today and said to go in tomorrow to get my pellets at 12:30 but may get a call today. So by this time tomorrow I will have my pellets inserted into my hip area. YAY! I’ll get a prescription for biodentical progesterone and won’t need any blockers as my T did not rebound to make levels after I took this break. Woot! woot!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on December 15, 2021, 10:40:39 pm
Woot!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on December 16, 2021, 05:36:14 am
Hi Nora Kay,

That sounds great if you can take Estrogen without blockers!

It was a rough day at work yesterday so I painted my nails pink and went to bed early.
The color is similar to the lipstick Courtney is wearing in her profile pic.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 16, 2021, 10:22:52 am
Hi Nora Kay,

That sounds great if you can take Estrogen without blockers!

It was a rough day at work yesterday so I painted my nails pink and went to bed early.
The color is similar to the lipstick Courtney is wearing in her profile pic.

Marion

Sorry you have a rough day. But pink nails tend to make me feel better too. Hopefully today will be better. 

And my doc said both my T And E are not even close to normal levels. And my thyroid function is slow. Which explains my low energy level. She said everything is fixable with hormones. It was a big relief when she said that.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on December 16, 2021, 11:07:18 am


"Everything is fixable with hormones."

Truer words...
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 16, 2021, 03:10:57 pm
So happy right now. I love my doctor. She is so awesome! Just had my pellets implanted. And because it take about a week for the pellets to take effect, she gave me an injection so I can have the E start to work immediately. So I don’t have to wait a week to start to feel better.   

Now for a conversation with my wife. I have been putting off talking with her because I don’t want to upset her. Not keeping in the loop on how I’m feeling. I realize that no matter how difficult it is for me. Instead of saying nothing is wrong or I’m just tired. I need to tell her my feelings. Let her know what I’m going thru. Let her take this journey with me no matter where it leads. I love her and she loves me.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on December 16, 2021, 04:59:53 pm
Saying nothing does you no favors. I can tell you that much. Especially when things are not visible to the naked eye.

But all the same, woot woot woot! Big gratz, sister! Another rubicon crossed. Mad respects, girl!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 16, 2021, 05:47:34 pm

But all the same, woot woot woot! Big gratz, sister! Another rubicon crossed. Mad respects, girl!
Thank you!! Feels good!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on December 16, 2021, 06:35:53 pm
When my wife was still around talking about stuff helped immensely.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on December 16, 2021, 06:40:16 pm
The color is similar to the lipstick Courtney is wearing in her profile pic.

❤️
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Brooke Renee on December 16, 2021, 07:41:49 pm
Huge step! Congrats! 


Brooke
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 17, 2021, 06:40:24 am
Up at 4 this morning. Slept terrible. Up like 4 times. You would think all is great. But no. My wife is sad. So I am sad. I could tell last night. Asked if she was ok. And she said yes so I did not press. Have not cried, but tears started to form more than once since. I am hurting her and I don’t like it. I think today we will leave it alone. Going to a hockey game tonight. Should be fun. Usually is. Free Bobblehead tonight. I used to collect them but sold most of the collection. Made a friend in the buyer. So I’ll be sending her one for her collection. Part of the reason I am going. So I can get her a bobble head.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on December 17, 2021, 09:35:36 am
Sorry to hear it, NK. Very little about this seems to come easy.

I've cried plenty during transition and negotiation. No biggie. You'll probably do a lot more as the E kicks in, so don't worry about it.

Have fun at the game! Who's the bobblehead? Is it Weird Al? I've always wanted a Weird Al Yankovich bobblehead.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 17, 2021, 03:41:45 pm

Have fun at the game! Who's the bobblehead? Is it Weird Al? I've always wanted a Weird Al Yankovich bobblehead.
It’s Star Wars night and the bobble head is of a player but with a light saber instead of a hockey stick. (https://s3.amazonaws.com/spinzo/uploads/img/sales-event-images/anaheim-ducks-ducks-vs-arizona-coyotes-2021-12-17-NPGTG-sales-event-image-mqv62y.jpg)
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 18, 2021, 12:36:22 am


My wife seemed sad yesterday. But totally fine today. We went to a hockey game. It was fun. Even though my team lost. At least they got a point. Should keep them in first in the division. I used to not let myself have fun if they lost. Tonight was fun. It’s funny. When I woke up this morning I realized not a single thing I was wearing was male. Oh my Sandals where lol. So I can dress totally female in front of her no problem. Having E back in my body is awesome. I can feel the difference already. Besides the pellets she gave me an injection to jump start me. Otherwise it would have been a week instead of a day. Oh my god!! I went all male clothing to the game and no bra. Felt weird with no bra. Was wearing a oversized jersey so nothing showed.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 18, 2021, 12:48:42 am
You know, I am my wife’s fashion consultant. If  no I don’t like something she won’t get it. If I don’t like her outfit she will change. Sometime when shopping online or in a store my wife would ask me if I would wear it. Lol. I love clothing. And I guess I am pretty ok with fashion.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on December 18, 2021, 01:41:48 pm
Gosh, I picture a future where you dress her up and you two go out proudly together. That sounds like it would be like a dream for you.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 18, 2021, 09:05:23 pm
Gosh, I picture a future where you dress her up and you two go out proudly together. That sounds like it would be like a dream for you.
Sounds good to me.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 18, 2021, 09:10:58 pm
I want to talk more and read some posts. But I don’t feel good. Had pizza and because I have not had it in a while it did not taste as good as I remember and my tummy did not like it. Plus I am sore from swinging the pick axe yesterday. Had to dig out some big bushes. And move a palm tree. So I had to dig a deep hole to get it out and a deep hole to replant it. I did not get as much as the roots as I wanted, so I am hoping it survives. I’ll know in a week. Might take two weeks before I see signs of dying.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on December 18, 2021, 10:11:28 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
I am saddened to read that you are not feeling well....   
.... take a hot shower, get into a clean bed ... and get a good night's sleep.

I always find that helps me when I am in a similar
situation and I will be looking for your update posting tomorrow.

Trusting that you will feel much better in the morning.
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 19, 2021, 09:11:25 am
My body is just not used to all the grease from pizza and the sugar from the chocolate chip cookie pie. Not doing that again. For a long while. Eating half a large pizza probably did not help. Feel better today.

I am not sure yet. But even in clod weather if I even thought about working in the yard or on a car or whatever I would sweat like a pig. But when I was out working in the back yard.  Digging up trees and bushes. I actually had a sweatshirt on and barely broke a sweat. That was the first time since having E in my system again. And if I am remembering right. When I quit before is when the sweat started being a problem.

Also last night the first time I fell asleep, I did without the help of my sleeping meds. Granted when I woke up I had to take one to get back to sleep. But it’s been a while since I could fall asleep ever without a pill.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 19, 2021, 09:47:20 am
I’m cold. I’m never cold. I mean I went on an Alaskan cruise and I wore shorts and flip flops. If I kept my head warm I was warm. I could not even hike up to the glacier with a beanie or jacket on. I would sweat so bad. Once I was there I had to put my jacket back on.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on December 19, 2021, 10:13:16 am
I’m cold. I’m never cold. I mean I went on an Alaskan cruise and I wore shorts and flip flops. If I kept my head warm I was warm. I could not even hike up to the glacier with a beanie or jacket on. I would sweat so bad. Once I was there I had to put my jacket back on.
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
A good rule of thumb up here in the bitter cold weather is trying not to sweat profusely when all bundled up and hiking or doing some physical tasks.   Sweating in sub-zero weather can bring on frostbite and hypothermia.
If outside in cold weather I will usually shed some of my extra warm outer garments when I am exerting myself physically.

I am glad to read that you were able to get some sleep  Zzz  without taking sleeping pills...  :)

HUGS,
Danielle

Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on December 19, 2021, 10:17:33 am
Now I have had the opposite happen, I was always cold or felt the cold and now I find I get hot . Had to make bedroom cold so I can sleep.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 21, 2021, 06:37:17 pm
Ugh. Depressed. Don’t know why. Don’t feel like doing anything. But did some yard work today and broke a sprinkler off. Then the riser Broke off even in the pipe. Had to get the threads out of the pipe. Tricky, but got it done. New sprinkler and riser. Everything fixed again.

No way possible for breasts to get bigger only being a week since back on HRT. Don’t know why they seem bigger. But I need a hoodie or oversized flannel to hide them. No way no how they are hidden in just a t-shirt one size to big for me. Almost can’t hide them under oversized hoodies during the winter. Don’t know what I am going to do this summer. Oh well. Not like anybody would ask about them. Lol
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 22, 2021, 04:29:53 pm
My nipples hurt. But funny thing is my right side hurts worse. And even more funny is it ( the right side )was hurting before I restarted hrt. I’ll have to ask my doctor about it.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on December 22, 2021, 05:54:08 pm
My nipples hurt. But funny thing is my right side hurts worse. And even more funny is it ( the right side )was hurting before I restarted hrt. I’ll have to ask my doctor about it.
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
Water retention can sometimes make your breast seem larger.   If you iingest  a lot of Sodiium (Salt) in your foods that may be the culprit....  otherwise, enjoy your increased breast size.
As you surmised, there soon may come a time that you can not easily hide them.....   ENJOY !!!!!

I hope and trust that you will have Joyous and MERRY CHRISTMAS,

HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 22, 2021, 07:08:36 pm
A little warm today. So to cut the front lawn I put on a sports bra. The ones I bought a few years ago finally fit me. And I know it’s just be being paranoid but they still show. Definitely not as much but they still show. But oh well. Before you start to transition you dream of wearing a bra and women’s underwear and once you are there wearing that bra. You can’t wait for it to come off. I bought some shorts and a skirt. It’s not like I can wear them out so I have not even tried them on yet. Maybe tomorrow.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on December 23, 2021, 08:36:33 am
A little warm today. So to cut the front lawn I put on a sports bra. The ones I bought a few years ago finally fit me. And I know it’s just be being paranoid but they still show. Definitely not as much but they still show. But oh well. Before you start to transition you dream of wearing a bra and women’s underwear and once you are there wearing that bra. You can’t wait for it to come off. I bought some shorts and a skirt. It’s not like I can wear them out so I have not even tried them on yet. Maybe tomorrow.
Rock on, NK!

Sooner or later, the internal conflict resolves itself. You'll be fine once you understand in your heart that people are concerned with their own lives, not yours.

One of the survival tips for n00bs they talk about in AA is that when you go to your first party and don't have any alcohol, you're inevitably convinced that everyone is staring at you.

Takes time to realize that nobody cares what you're drinking and that all they want is to relax and have a cocktail. They don't care what you drink. They have problems of their own and want a little personal solace, not to inspect anyone else's cup.

Go ahead and live your life, toots. You've waited long enough.

 
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on December 23, 2021, 09:38:06 am
Yup your average person are so unaware, its like the TV program where they fake a robbery and get everyone to describe the robber and most get nowhere near the description .   
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 25, 2021, 12:41:40 pm
My license says 6 foot 2 inches. I measured 5 foot 10 inches. My wife said no way. And she is biased to me being taller. But with her help I am 5 foot 11 and a half inches. Lol
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on December 25, 2021, 03:54:36 pm
My license says 6 foot 2 inches. I measured 5 foot 10 inches. My wife said no way. And she is biased to me being taller. But with her help I am 5 foot 11 and a half inches. Lol
You're on too high a dose. I've heard of girls coming out less than 2 feet tall.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 28, 2021, 08:26:13 pm
Wow! I just found out what my insurance will cover. So it looks like it’s time for a hard talk with my wife. As now with Hrt started and progesterone now started I am getting a little bit of a clearer head about what I need for my happiness. I think I may see a therapist before I actually talk to my wife. So I am going at this with a completely clear head.

Seems like my insurance covers a lot. Hair removal, hair line repair, ffs and a lot more. All I can say is wholly <not allowed>! Funny though, they don’t cover the actual pellets but will cover everything else in the visit to get them inserted.

You can look here

https://benefits.adobe.com/document/207
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on December 28, 2021, 08:59:21 pm
All this does is increase my stress level and depression level. Before it would have been as I can afford a procedure. Which I thought could take a while so I had time. Now it’s how fast should I do things because my wife could retire and will I lose my benefits. We are common law and my wife has been saying we should really get married because she has been with her company long enough that HER benefits will continue after retirement and we need to get married so I will have them too. But will she still want to marry me? I really don’t like the idea of causing her pain. I want to say I don’t know what to do, but I do know. Because what to do is what I need to do. Just don’t know if I can.   
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on December 28, 2021, 09:25:27 pm
It really sucks if a partner passes away and you weren't married.  It is a real mess as the laws aren't set up to deal with that yet.  I know someone who had to go through that, and then compared his experience with mine.

My partner was really glad that we were married for fifteen years.  Not only did I get her pension but I have the option of taking her social security benefits in a few years before taking mine.  More importantly she had someone looking out for her when she wasn't able to take care of herself.

My relationship was most unusual in that I talked about my gender issues with my partner.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 01, 2022, 09:20:53 pm
Been thinking about the past lately. Thinking I wish I knew about all this earlier in life. Ha ha, Who hasn’t. But been thinking it explains a lot. Even when I had clothes that were in style I never felt right or comfortable in them. Oh and Physycal Education. Would not take my shirt off. Ever. Did not like anybody seeing me with my shirt off. Thinking back to what I felt like. Never felt male or felt like a man. But at the same time could never feel totally female. But if I had to pick what I felt more like it would be female. When ever I could through out my whole life I chose the female version of everything.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 01, 2022, 09:26:16 pm
 I started back on progesterone this week. Would not have the amount of breast development without it. Just waiting for the fat redistribution. I know it could take years to get the full effect. But patients I don’t have. Hopefully I can get some doctor helped redistribution soon. Insurance should cover it. If the article I found is correct.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on January 01, 2022, 09:38:52 pm
I recall not having to take my shirt off when participating in PE games.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 03, 2022, 07:57:06 pm
This year could go bad. You yell and no one hears. You say and no one believes. Then your gone and nobody saw it coming. Even though there were signs. Can’t yell any louder. No body has time until it’s too late. FTW
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 03, 2022, 08:16:20 pm
My nips are still sore. But seem to be less sore. It’s been what?, 17 days since I started HRT? Be careful what you wish for. Some say I want to wear a bra. Or I would wear one all the time. Or I don’t see why other women complain about wearing a bra. Well when the girls are sore m, it makes them feel better. But after 8 hours it feels soooo good to take that thing off.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 03, 2022, 09:22:09 pm
My poor wife is sick. Her sister and nephew are sick. They were all together on Tuesday they Thursday last week. Sister and nephew tested negative for covid. Our dog sitter and her daughter tested positive recently. My wife is waiting until her sisters 3rd test. My dog sitter tested negative on first 2 tests. I sleep in the same bed and I am not sick yet. You see I want to have a conversation with my wife but I have to wait. So I just take good care of her while she is sick. I need to get things under way.

It’s crazy how I could go from feeling like I can just restart hrt and I’ll be fine for a while. And then in about 2 months feeling like I have to for sure transition completely and as soon as possible. I want things gone and things done and my patience is running out.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 03, 2022, 09:37:51 pm
I do not know why I keep buying skirts and skorts. Can wear them out. And seems like a waste of time wearing them at home.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on January 03, 2022, 09:59:53 pm



It’s crazy how I could go from feeling like I can just restart hrt and I’ll be fine for a while. And then in about 2 months feeling like I have to for sure transition completely and as soon as possible. I want things gone and things done and my patience is running out.


Sorry to hear about your wife, sister, and nephew, NK. Covid or not, it's still cold & flu season. My kid got exposed to Covid the other night. No fun. You can do everything right, but the Law of Averages always catches up with you.

I know exactly what you mean about wanting to start everything immediately and getting everything over with right away. Even when I bogged down in transition, or when I knew some next step wouldn't be due for a long time, progress came earlier than I ever anticipated. I remain astonished at how quickly things went.

What will happen when things start going too fast for you? What will those things be?
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 03, 2022, 10:48:18 pm

What will happen when things start going too fast for you? What will those things be?

The only way things will go to fast for me is if they are to fast for my wife.

But it was weird. When I decided to restart hrt I had a real long goatee and all I did was buzz it off. I still have not shaved it all the way to skin. Shorter and shorter each time. I feel like I am doing it for my wife. To get her used to each step. But is it for her? Or is it me being just a tiny bit scared? I guess it’s to be seen.

So much I need to do to for this to work. I need back up income in case my wife leaves. I have to get products up on my site as well as other selling sites. So I have that income. I have a good life I may be giving up. I don’t have to work. All I have to do is keep the house up.

I think I am pretty lucky so far. I wear more women’s clothing than men’s. Even though I am bald with facial hair. Funny she said she wanted a cookie last night. I was wearing my pink with white polka dots pajamas. And she tells me people go to the store in their pjs all the time.

She will let me get my gel nails done at the salon. Get hair removed.

Just don’t think the insurance will cover ffs so we should think about getting it done soon talk will go over too well. She freaks when things start getting cut. I mentioned an orchiectomy and it was not a good time for a while. And nothing that would be gone she has seen in ten years.

I just don’t know how I am going to do this. 2 big anxieties I need to get over. I have a severe phone anxiety hard time making phone calls. But can do anything in person. And a real hard time starting a conversation with my wife about transitioning.


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Title: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 04, 2022, 01:10:31 pm
Just remembering the time I outed myself to my wife. In the past I had extreme ankle problems. I ended up getting a replacement. But early in the process of looking for relief I was exploring having my ankle fuzed. And of course doing search online I also searched if I could still wear heals if I had my ankle fuzed. Well the answer was no. And I did not clear my browser history and my wife found it. She said we need to talk. So I am in the room waiting for her and I am reeling. Thinking she is going to tell me to get out. It’s over. But to my surprise she was ok with me being a cross dresser. See back then I had no clue about being transgender. But after that I would soon eventually come across the term and figure I need a therapist to see if it’s what I was or if it’s just a fetish. So my wife and I kind of found out together I was transgender. But the transitioning thing is a whole different story. Knowing I am transgender and transitioning are two different things, especially when it comes to the wife.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 04, 2022, 01:19:37 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
I just read your posting/comment....
   The plot thickens ....   and some of the issues that you are experiencing with your wife may be coming to a head.
That could be good or it could be bad, but as I read your previous postings regarding your past discussions with you wife, I am holding out hope for you.   She just may end up being "somewhat" OK with what is happening in your life.

Please be aware that there have been many members here that have come out to their spouses that they have ended up being very supportive.

If am wishing you success and I am hoping that you and your wife will find an acceptable relationship regarding your transition journey.
I am wishing you well.   Please keep me and the rest of your avid followers updated only as you feel comfortable sharing.  Here on the forums we are you biggest fans and we are always rooting for your success and happiness.

Warmest Regards,
Danielle


Just remembering the time I outed myself to my wife. In the past I had extreme ankle problems. I ended up getting a replacement. But early in the process of looking for relief I was exploring having my ankle fuzed. And of course doing search online I also searched if I could still wear heals if I had my ankle fuzed. Well the answer was no. And I did not clear my browser history and my wife found it. She said we need to talk. So I am in the room waiting for her and I am reeling. Thinking she is going to tell me to get out. It’s over. But to my surprise she was ok with me being a cross dresser. See back then I had no clue about being transgender. But after that I would soon eventually come across the term and figure I need a therapist to see if it’s what I was or if it’s just a fetish. So my wife and I kind of found out together I was transgender. But the transitioning thing is a whole different story. Knowing I am transgender and transitioning are two different things, especially when it comes to the wife.

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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 04, 2022, 01:59:30 pm
Ugh. Nephew just tested positive for covid. So we are pretty sure my wife had/has it and I may have it. She spent Tuesday through Thursday last week with them and her sister was sick first day back. I woke up feeling like <not allowed> this morning. Scratchy throat and a little congestion. With a head and neck ache. But feel better now. Except for a headache. My nephews mom tested negative the first 2 tests and will test again tomorrow. Don’t think we will test. Unless we get worse.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 04, 2022, 02:42:02 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
Ugh!!!!
Hang in there and try to stay safe and stay healthy.
Warm Regards and wishing you and your wife good health.
Danielle

 
Ugh. Nephew just tested positive for covid. So we are pretty sure my wife had/has it and I may have it. She spent Tuesday through Thursday last week with them and her sister was sick first day back. I woke up feeling like <not allowed> this morning. Scratchy throat and a little congestion. With a head and neck ache. But feel better now. Except for a headache. My nephews mom tested negative the first 2 tests and will test again tomorrow. Don’t think we will test. Unless we get worse.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 04, 2022, 08:01:37 pm
Omg. The body aches are bad. Especially my legs. Ugh!


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on January 04, 2022, 10:24:37 pm
Aw, jeez! Sry to hear about it. Best wishes for speedy recoveries to all of you.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 06, 2022, 12:08:26 pm
Ok I’m back. Feel better. Not sure if I actually had covid. Not testing since everyone around me is testing positive after 2 negatives. Lol. Only 24 hours of hell then everything got better. Don’t know if I did anything that helped. But I heard some inhalers help. So I used mine. Lots of Zink and vitamin C and I sweated it out. I was freezing cold. Heating pad under me. Beanie on. Socks on. Sweats. Under covers.  Fell asleep woke up wet and feeling so much better. I did that until I would not wake up feeling like I was freezing. I never sleep under covers or wear socks to bed. So once I woke up and was not cold I knew I was better.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 06, 2022, 12:43:23 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
I am so very glad to read that you are "out of the woods" and recovering from your malady ... 
...whether it was Covid-19, the Flu, or just a Cold; I am happy that you are feeling much better.

Yes, you are right regarding taking supplements such as Zinc and Vitamin C ... also Vitamin D is supposed to be helpful in these kinds of things.   
Of course, up here where I live where sunshine in the winter time is very scare, even before Covid-19 appeared, I have always taken Vitamin D supplements.

Thank you for keeping me and the rest of your followers updated.

Stay safe and stay healthy,
HUGS,
Danielle


Ok I’m back. Feel better. Not sure if I actually had covid. Not testing since everyone around me is testing positive after 2 negatives. Lol. Only 24 hours of hell then everything got better. Don’t know if I did anything that helped. But I heard some inhalers help. So I used mine. Lots of Zink and vitamin C and I sweated it out. I was freezing cold. Heating pad under me. Beanie on. Socks on. Sweats. Under covers.  Fell asleep woke up wet and feeling so much better. I did that until I would not wake up feeling like I was freezing. I never sleep under covers or wear socks to bed. So once I woke up and was not cold I knew I was better.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 14, 2022, 01:17:17 pm
So the answer is yes my breasts are growing again   2 years on hrt. 3 years off and restarting. Not sure about the rest. Have not made any moves to do anything towards transitioning. I guess I am a little stuck. Depression keeping me from doing much else. I love my breasts. I want more feminization of my body. I’m back down to the weight I was before the holidays. I like my life other than my body and am not willing to give it up yet. May never be willing. But the male pronouns are driving me nuts. Hearing my male name driving me nuts. Wondering how much longer I can put off hair removal or checking on other things. Remembering why I quit posting on this sight last time. I guess if I do quit posting I’ll either be de-transitioning again or I’ll be dead. Don’t know which. I don’t like being trans. I love my wife. Never been comfortable in my male body. Not sure I’ll be comfortable in my female body. Seems like I cry for help and nobody hears me. Told my wife it feels like this will be my last year on this earth. Crickets. Always crickets or nothing that remotely even sounds like understanding or support. I’m a guy with breasts. So much going on in my brain. Don’t know. Just don’t know.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on January 14, 2022, 04:31:44 pm
Hi Nora Kay

If anyone asks, just say the breast growth is a side effect of the meds you take.   ;)

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on January 14, 2022, 05:24:32 pm
We're listening, Nora Kay.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 15, 2022, 08:13:57 pm
Depression is killing me. Have not done much this last week. Have not shaved in about 2. Just don’t know. I split my time between by myself in the bedroom and cuddling with my wife on the couch. I want to discuss my transition with my wife but no guts. Don’t know how she will really react. I mean she said she did not want me to re-start hrt but she knew I needed it so there was no resistance. If I get hair removed she is ok with that. But last time I started on my face she objected. I know I can push it, but I don’t know how far. We have great insurance but I don’t know if I scheduled something if it would be the last thing I did before she leaves me or kicks me out. I know she does not want her family to know. I think it’s more their ignorance that would keep them from understanding. The funny thing to me is she don’t want my stepson and his boyfriend to know and I think they would understand the most. The time I spend with my wife is the best. But I don’t think I can put this off very much longer.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 16, 2022, 12:47:15 pm
Just random thoughts. Was thinking how cool it is to have a chance to become the girl I want to become. No matter how small that chance is. Also having some so called man skills I have. Last week I fixed the inner door handle in my wife’s car for $28 in parts. Something the dealer replaces the whole door panel for about $900. And thinking about car repairs. When there are time restraints and I have to take our cars to a shop. The only shop I trust, you know the kind you can walk in and leave the keys. Tell them to just fix it and know your not getting ripped off. That shop is owned by a woman. Who knows more about cars than just about any man I have known. Just remember men have nothing on us. We know just as much or more than they do.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 16, 2022, 01:31:24 pm
My wife asked me what’s wrong today. I said nothing. Just tired. And blamed it on covid. Still have flem coming up from when I was sick. She said I’ve been in a fetal position for 3 days. Sometimes I think I don’t know what I want. But I can’t wear men’s underwear anymore and today for about an hour I debated on women’s or men’s clothing to throw on to go get me some caffeine. Even though I was wearing my oversized hoodie that would hide things I could not leave the house without a bra. And instead of my men’s gym shorts I put on my black women's shorts with a cute belt. I mean maybe I should just go about my business and let nature take place. No matter how much I think I am putting off things, a next step seems to happen on its own. It started with underwear. Then a bra, then shorts and pants and since the hoodie covers thing it’s about to morph into cute tops. Even though they are hidden. And never a bad comment from my wife. I know I worry more than needed. We agreed before I started hrt that I would do what I need to do and if it becomes to much for her we would discuss it. But I know this time when I decide on a next step it is because I absolutely can’t put it off any longer. And the discussion will be more of “I’m doing it” than “how can I make it easier for you”. It makes me sad to think my next decision could be my last. But I just don’t know. My wife is being super loving. And I know she knows why I’m like this. She knows. But she is one that will not discuss it unless I bring it up. It’s just seems like if it’s in a place she can handle it, it’s not broken so no need to discuss it and be uncomfortable. And I feel that I’ll just push until she breaks and see if I can fix her then.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on January 16, 2022, 01:52:54 pm
Hi Nora,

I know what you mean about fixing things.  The power on switch on my PC stopped working.  So I ordered two new ones on ebay for a couple bucks.  I also found the connector on the motherboard to disconnect when I solder in a new one.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 16, 2022, 08:45:34 pm
I want to start a conversation with my wife. But I really don’t want any of the negativity that would come with it. The funny thing is I am not sure how much negativity there would be. I guess maybe I should be a little more honest when she asks what’s wrong. I mean she is just begging for it, right? Something like what do you think is wrong? My breast are back to the size they were before I stopped. I am transgender and dealing with a lot. You keep calling me male pronouns and it drives me nuts. I want to do more towards my transition etc… But I will probably do what I always do and say I’m tired. Or my stomach doesn’t feel good. I mean dang. She must think I have some chronic stomach disease as much as I use that excuse. But I know she knows what’s wrong. I act the same. And when I finally tell her she says “ that what I thought was wrong”.

I put this off for three years. Packed it away very well. It was gone. I had it beat. But it comes back. It always comes back. And when it does it’s bigger and badder that you ever thought it was. It will flip you upside down and pins you to the mat until you say uncle. Don’t fool yourself. It always comes back. And now what? I want to catch up. But I can’t rush this. I have to giver her time to adjust to one thing at a time.

I don’t hide anything. My underwear draw is next to my bed. The bra drawer right below. And the sock drawer right above. About 90% female items. Half my lower closet is my female clothing.

It’s not like she can’t see the changes.

She is still here and I am pretty sure if I wore one of my skirts out she would not say a thing. Except no way I can until I at least remove the facial hair. So maybe I should stress less and just go about things like it’s all normal until I get pushback.

Pushback will happen once the facial hair is permanently removed. I mention an orchiectomy. Or I have anything cut. Although I could say I’m getting lipo and just have the fat transferred to better places. Just not say anything about the transfer.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on January 17, 2022, 09:49:40 am
Never actually did beat it, Nora? Whaddaya know. Might as well beat having lungs, I think.

Imo you may as well talk with her. You're going to have to eventually. Putting it off will only keep you in this difficult headspace.

On the other hand, if how you're feeling now is a great spot to hang out, I say go for it and live your best authentic life.

We all have to live our own lives as best we can and make our best choices to get there, Nora Kay. You absolutely need not pursue transition any further. It's not mandatory. You're allowed to stop here and be at peace with yourself.

All you get to do is choose.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: EllenW on January 17, 2022, 11:06:56 am
I agree with @Battle Goddess. You need to have a conversation with your wife. As you stated she knows about your female clothes, so it should not come as a big surprise. The next time she asks what is wrong you need to tell her in a loving way that you are transgender. No sarcasm, just reassure her that you love her, but you need to make a change.

Ellen
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 17, 2022, 11:37:00 am
I agree with @Battle Goddess. You need to have a conversation with your wife. As you stated she knows about your female clothes, so it should not come as a big surprise. The next time she asks what is wrong you need to tell her in a loving way that you are transgender. No sarcasm, just reassure her that you love her, but you need to make a change.

Ellen
She knows I’m transgender. She knows I am on hrt. She knows I want to transition. But it just seems like we should talk more about it. This is my second stint on hrt.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 17, 2022, 12:21:46 pm
Welp. I don’t think this place is for me. I ain’t a writin too good. Not giten my points across. So I am out for a while or permanently. Peace!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 18, 2022, 07:24:30 pm
Does anybody read more than one post up? I mean jeeze. It’s like nobody has a clue I’ve been thru all this before. I’m here trying to sort things out and I get answers that sound like people barely read my last post never mind 2 or 3 up. If I post I’m gonna kill myself then post a couple more times nobody would even notice I said I was going to kill myself. I know it takes time to read more than one post. But if your going to comment at least know a little about me.

Every since I can remember I snuck my sisters and mother’s clothes. Funny I never got caught. Until I moved in with my father. My step mother found them and made me feel like a freak. Still hurts to this day but she is dead and my dad is either dead too or very close and I have not heard from him in years. He was a Richard and nothing I did was ever good enough for him. So fork him.

When I was little I had all the boys toys. Evil kanevil , army men. Had a real cool set. Trucks and stuff. But always wanted to play with barbies or play house. Always wanted an easy bake oven.

Alway thought I was a cross dresser. Had all the kinks. Forced woman hood, forced transformation. Oh god if I could only be forced. But the sex part of that kink never really did it for me.

When I was with my ex wife I ran a stripper shoes and accessories website and eBay account. So when I met my current wife that was why I had all those things. The story was my ex-wife was out of work and I was setting up all that for her when she got a new job, so I ran it to make extra money.

My current wife never knew about my cross dressing even with all those things around until one day I was looking for a surgeon to fuze my ankle and I was also searching to see if I could wear heels with a fuzed ankle. You can’t, but I can now. Forgot to clear my history and my wife found the heels with fuzed ankle search. I thought that was the end of the relationship. But she was like “that’s it? No big deal.” Back then I thought that’s all it was. But with not having to erase my browser history anymore I soon figured out I was transgender and began looking for a therapist.

Ok going a little off topic to explain why I needed an ankle fusion. Which I ultimately did not do and have had an ankle replacement. The ankle replacement kinda ties in why I took a break. But later for that. In January of 1988 I was in a very bad accident. My truck hit a curb popped one or more tires lost control and hit a freeway overpass post. Something big and unmovable. My engine was where my dash was. I had one of those small aftermarket steering wheels and I bent that thing like it was nothing. I was taking my brother and 2 of his friends to Camelot, it was a miniature golf place that had an arcade. Because I was not wearing my seatbelt I survived and because my brother was not wearing his seatbelt, he died. His friend sustained minor injuries. They were in the back and were thrown free. My brother broke his neck when he was thrown from the truck. Because I was not wearing my seatbelt, instead of being crushed by the engine I was thrown to the passenger side. I shattered my left ankle. Broke my right ankle and right femur. Broke my right arm in 2 places and dislocated both shoulders. I was picking glass out of my head for 10 years. I had no open breaks. All my scars are from surgeries to fix things. I also shattered my left knee cap. So no cap in that knee. Actually never missed the knee cap. So all with all of that and I was in a coma for 2 weeks. My poor mom. Already lost my brother and she was told the don’t know if I am ever going to wake up. If I wake up they don’t know if I would be a vegetable or not. If I woke up and I was not a vegetable, they did not know if I would ever walk again. Well sh*t, I woke up. I was not a vegetable and I can walk. And thanks to the ankle replacement you would never be able to tell I ever went thru that. So a lot of years of guilt. But I am in a good place about all that in the past.

Ok fast forward to seeing a therapist. I found a Specialtist. She was awesome and helped me a lot. All my therapists except one were all transgender specialist, so I had a lot of good help. With her help my wife understood. I mean she bought me women’s things and would buy things in colors I liked that definitely were not masculine. You know things like pink phone case and etc….
I got clothes, shoes, perfume and etc…. So my wife knows I am transgender. And supports me to a point.

When I started HRT it was low dose and eventually got up to full transition dose before my mind was good. But I never really discussed any of that with my wife. She just noticed my breasts and did not like them. We were both hoping low dose would be all I needed but it was not.

You may wonder how supportive my wife was. Even though she loved my facial hair and side burns and etc. she said no problem to dressing as my self when I went to support groups. I mean I had permission for wigs make up and etc. Like I said she would buy me clothes and other things. I carried a purse. I wore female shorts and pants. Some shirts. I was getting electrolosis and she was ok with that until I started doing some on my face. But would not forbid me. And when I wanted to talk about an orchiectomy that was a sore subject. She said no but we never talked about it before I took my break. So I don’t know. She did bring it up this time so I know it still may be a sore subject.

So to sum it up I was wearing mostly women’s clothes. Getting electrolosis. Carrying a purse. Wearing a bra every day.

Then I found the best ankle surgeon in California and decided to get it taken care of. He said it was the hardest one he ever did but things turned out ok. I followed all of his rules and it turned out great. My replaced ankle has less pain that the other one now. How ironic. During that surgery he gave me a nerve block that did not work and I was in the most pain I have ever been in my life and remembered. Not sure if that’s why my mind went negative on transition or if it was all the weight I gained during recovery. About 90 lbs. still losing but I am down about 80 lbs.

So just about when covid started everything started to come back. So instead of 2 years off it ended up being 3 years off. During that time in the beginning I wanted nothing to do with transitioning. It made me sick to think about it. But like I have said. It came back with a vengeance. The dysphoria is insane. Just about everything causes dysphoria now. Hearing my male name. Male pronouns. Touching it. Seeing it. Knowing it’s there. Me looking the way I do. All of it.

So now here I am. A month back on HRT and my breast are bigger than I thought. I can barely hide them under oversized hoodies. Don’t know what I am going to do in the summer.

Now my hrt is with biodentical hormone pellets. My research shows me pellets with the right doctor are the most potent form of hrt and with progesterone, breast growth is the best. I am a large B-cup or a small C-cup and from what I can see are still growing. I mean dang in the last month I can see that they are bigger. After 3 years off they have both been sore all 30+ days if been back on them. The great thing is I only have to worry about them every 3 months. But do have to take progesterone pills every night.

So my problem right now is with my wife is that for her if we don’t talk about it it’s not happening. Out of site out of mind. She feels my shoulders to see if I am wearing a bra. And I catch her looking at my chest. But I don’t even know if she realizes my bra ain’t stuffed no more. I am going to post this as a re-introduction because I barely said anything last time. And since I am copying it from my blog it will be there too. Not sure if this will clear up anything. Hopefully it helps you know me better.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Rachel Montgomery on January 18, 2022, 09:19:00 pm
Does anybody read more than one post up? I mean jeeze. It’s like nobody has a clue I’ve been thru all this before. I’m here trying to sort things out and I get answers that sound like people barely read my last post never mind 2 or 3 up. If I post I’m gonna kill myself then post a couple more times nobody would even notice I said I was going to kill myself. I know it takes time to read more than one post. But if your going to comment at least know a little about me.



I think they both read your posts.  Maybe you should re-read your own posts and then re-read their comments.  YOU said you don’t tell her (when she asks what’s wrong) that you are transgender.  We understand that you are on HRT and she is aware that you are transgender, but for some reason you are still not being open about the effect that being transgender is having on you.  She knows you are transgender, but she doesn’t KNOW that is why you have so many stomach aches.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on January 18, 2022, 09:27:37 pm
Thanks for taking the time to clear all that up, Nora Kay.

I think I should probably have been more expansive in what I said.

There's a dynamic I got into with DW during transition. She was angry and threatened and scared by what I was going through, so she wanted to know what was going on. I needed boundaries because if I did tell her anything, she'd deny, minimize, or turn hostile.

Of course, my having any boundaries at all made her all the more angry, threatened, and scared, which led her to snoop into everything. I thus built higher barriers, which led to more anger, snooping, higher barriers, lather, rinse, repeat...

It was infuriating and miserable. We wouldn't talk to each other because neither of us could manage to respect each other's feelings. I was so happy and excited that I wouldn't take her unhappiness seriously. I denied, it, minimized it, and at times grew hostile, just like she'd been doing to me.


Nora, I obv can't speak to your dynamics with your partner. I hope they haven't descended to the levels of mine with DW. She and I have other, older trust issues, so transition was just one more shovelful of coal for the boiler.

The point is that we ended up having the kind of conversations you seem to be hoping for because they're inevitable. You're going to have them, or other conversations in similar veins, whether you like it or not.

Where I think we blew it was by not having the conversations earlier in a respectful, loving manner. I doubt we ever could have. We were both too upset about most everything around then.

If you have an opening to have that kind of conversation, Nora Kay, I'd propose doing it sooner rather than later.

Think of it this way: you can give her (and yourself!) a gift of a kind, respectful conversation rather than one full of tension and anger. It really is no fun not having the conversation, and there's no good reason not to try.


Good luck
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 19, 2022, 01:14:12 pm
🥲
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 21, 2022, 08:57:06 am
Woke up alive and wish I did not.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 21, 2022, 10:58:53 am
Not a good morning. Big fight. Lots of crying. But I think we are going to be communicating better now. So hard. Still think I am going to hurt her or destroy her world. But she want me to tell her how I feel. When I feel. Ugh. Need to find her some reading material. She asked for some. We confirmed I can wear what ever I want at home and anything I want under clothing. Told her I need to transition. She is still not understanding why. Still thinks there is an other option besides transitioning. I told her I need to and at least our insurance will cover a lot more now. I tried to make her understand when everything seemed fine to her I was hurting the worst. Because she is like it’s bad then it goes away and things are good for a while. Did I say she thinks there is an option of me not transitioning. I did tell her that not transitioning is not an option. But slowly so she can adjust is. Then she had to go to a meeting with her boss. Honestly I don’t know right now.

Some of the depression is not transgender related. I am sure some is a chemical/hormonal imbalance. I am happy in my life other than my body. It’s like I get up to do something and just stare at it for a while and end up not doing it. Even simple things. Maybe now that we are going to be communicating better I will be better. Now I almost think I might be trying to break her with complete honesty and open communication. Things should be better. So we will see.

I did tell her worst case scenario would be me transitioning completely and she helps as much as she can and we stay best friends. And best case I go as slow as she needs and we stay together. Did not get a bad reaction. I don’t know. Still hard. Never ever been this open with my feelings.

I’m still a hot neurotic mess. But things might be getting better. We shall see.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 21, 2022, 11:04:56 am
Ugh. Did not get labs so next endo canceled until I do. I’ll post my around one month levels when I get them. Can’t wait to see what the conversations with my wife are like now. Should be fun.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 21, 2022, 11:17:03 am
I still don’t get why I can’t get myself to shave off the goatee completely. It was about 8 inches below my chin and now it’s buzzed on the shortest just before shaving. But can’t shave it yet.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on January 21, 2022, 11:58:38 am
Shaving it off completely means the "guy has left the building."

It took a while for me to wear all female clothes to work, including panties.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 21, 2022, 02:30:21 pm
Shaving it off completely means the "guy has left the building."

It took a while for me to wear all female clothes to work, including panties.

Marion
Agreed. But for some reason I think it still scares me. Maybe I will still have it until I have it electronically removed.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 21, 2022, 02:36:51 pm
Omg! I just realized to get bloodwork I have to take off my hoodie. The only thing I have that hides things. Ugh. Also since I am in California, it’s already starting to have warmer days and that means no hiding.

Going to the hockey game tonight. I think I subconsciously ordered a jersey that was a women’s cut and it fits perfect if I was going out as myself. So upset. But at least my wife can wear it. Fits her perfectly too. Looks like we are going to be fighting over clothing. We pretty much can wear a lot of the same size. To bad I don’t have the same size foot as her.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on January 21, 2022, 09:14:47 pm


Omg! I just realized to get bloodwork I have to take off my hoodie. The only thing I have that hides things. Ugh. Also since I am in California, it’s already starting to have warmer days and that means no hiding.


Ah, the "dysphoria hoodie," much beloved of everyone not quite all the way out yet. I have about six of 'em of varying weights for year-round comfort.

Nora Kay, this might be a great time to invest in very supportive sports bras. They can hold everything in so flat and tight that nobody will wonder.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 22, 2022, 11:30:28 am

Ah, the "dysphoria hoodie," much beloved of everyone not quite all the way out yet. I have about six of 'em of varying weights for year-round comfort.

Nora Kay, this might be a great time to invest in very supportive sports bras. They can hold everything in so flat and tight that nobody will wonder.
Yup. I have sports bras. And they do hold things in. But are to tight for long wear for me. And even the tighter ones do not hold things in far enough to keep things hidden when only wearing a shirt. An XL men’s. When I easily fit a medium to large women’s shirt. Also my current regular bras are getting tighter and becoming more uncomfortable. Where I used to have good support and comfortable, I now have tight and uncomfortable to where I am thinking about it all the time. I’m growing. My only c cup bra fits rather perfect right now. To bad it’s padded. Lol. Guess I just have to buck up and be fine with who I am. Every time I see the girls in the mirror I remember my sister and mothers. They look just like theirs. Funny I was a small kid and still remember my mother’s. If one cup down form women in your family is the norm. I should be a large c-small d cup in the end. I wear a 2X hoodie when I go out and had a couple cashiers stare at my chest. I show in all my hoodies now.

Funny all last night at the game I worried about showing with my jersey on. But probably the best thing to wear and not show. Compared to hoodies, my hockey jerseys cover best.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on January 22, 2022, 11:47:33 am
Hi Nora Kay,

I wear junior's tops, which are cut for GGs with small breasts.

My bra size is 32A and when I go to the Kohl's junior's department I look through their XS clothes.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on January 23, 2022, 08:53:48 am



Guess I just have to buck up and be fine with who I am.


Title: Growing pains
Post by: Nora Kay on January 24, 2022, 11:01:10 am
Ugh. I lost weight and still trying. I am definitely not gaining. BUT, stuff that fit is starting to not fit. I have this top I was saving. Super cute. Fit pretty good just needed a little bit more and it would be perfect. Now it’s tight around the chest and shoulders. Nothing looks right. One of my favorite tank top dresses I wear as a tank top does not fit either. I waited so long for these things to fit and now, Boob problems make them not fit or look even close to good. Tried on some dresses yesterday and they fit fine but just don’t look good on me. They used to. I don’t get it.
Title: Re: Growing pains
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 24, 2022, 12:08:42 pm
Ugh. I lost weight and still trying. I am definitely not gaining. BUT, stuff that fit is starting to not fit. I have this top I was saving. Super cute. Fit pretty good just needed a little bit more and it would be perfect. Now it’s tight around the chest and shoulders. Nothing looks right. One of my favorite tank top dresses I wear as a tank top does not fit either. I waited so long for these things to fit and now, Boob problems make them not fit or look even close to good. Tried on some dresses yesterday and they fit fine but just don’t look good on me. They used to. I don’t get it.
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora Kay:
What you are describing regarding the fit of clothing, especially women's clothing, that you have purchased is something that most of us that are transtioning have gone through.   Most of us will eventually "weed out" many of the articles of clothing that no longer fit right, no longer look right, and are no longer worn.... then we start all over again buying new clothes with much more knowledge of what will work for us.

Congratulations on losing some weight... keep on keeping on.   
As you keep coming down to your goal weight you should be able find clothing that fits right and looks right....    of course bigger breasts as a result of continuing HRT will impact how much of your clothing fits, but be prepared, the tighter and stretchier bottoms and tops that can be common in women's clothing choices will display your curves and may showcase your breasts more than what might be prepared for... but eventually you can usually wrap you mind around it and be happy with the look as your body becomes the result of your desires.

Best wishes to you as you continue on in your journey.
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Growing pains
Post by: Nora Kay on January 24, 2022, 11:10:09 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora Kay:
What you are describing regarding the fit of clothing, especially women's clothing, that you have purchased is something that most of us that are transtioning have gone through.   Most of us will eventually "weed out" many of the articles of clothing that no longer fit right, no longer look right, and are no longer worn.... then we start all over again buying new clothes with much more knowledge of what will work for us.

Congratulations on losing some weight... keep on keeping on.   
As you keep coming down to your goal weight you should be able find clothing that fits right and looks right....    of course bigger breasts as a result of continuing HRT will impact how much of your clothing fits, but be prepared, the tighter and stretchier bottoms and tops that can be common in women's clothing choices will display your curves and may showcase your breasts more than what might be prepared for... but eventually you can usually wrap you mind around it and be happy with the look as your body becomes the result of your desires.

Best wishes to you as you continue on in your journey.
HUGS,
Danielle

Thank you Danielle. Just bummed a little. A couple things I loved I grew out of up top already. I am with you on eventually wrapping my mind around things. It’s to a point where I feel wrong with no bra. So when I get to where I can’t wear my hiding hoodies anymore I’ll should be so used to wearing one that it won’t bother me too much.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 24, 2022, 11:12:40 pm
On a good note. Since our last talk I am way less stressed. It’s so nice sitting on the couch with my wife. Wearing the correct clothing.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on January 24, 2022, 11:51:07 pm
That's so nice to hear coming from you, NK
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on January 25, 2022, 11:14:02 am
Hi Nora,

Great to hear you are less stressed!

I've been gaining a little weight, with my doctor's approval no less, to have a more curvy figure that is less androgynous.
Sure enough, I've been able to put on weight that gives me a more girly figure. 

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 25, 2022, 11:23:40 am
Hi Nora,

Great to hear you are less stressed!

I've been gaining a little weight, with my doctor's approval no less, to have a more curvy figure that is less androgynous.
Sure enough, I've been able to put on weight that gives me a more girly figure. 

Marion
That’s cool. Especially when the extra weight goes to all the right places.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 25, 2022, 11:30:33 am
Off to get my one month blood work. Started to worry about taking my hoodie off. Then I remembered my wife had a new sports bra that fits me well so I took it from her since she has not worn it yet. It holds in a little more but still noticeable to me. But I don’t think anybody else will notice. I think I am almost to the point to where I don’t care if I show. I’m proud of them. Just can’t believe the growth I’ve had in a month. Was a B and now I’m a C. 😜 woot woot!!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 25, 2022, 11:49:26 am
Ugh. Still have time before I leave. I really need to get over my phone anxiety. Lol. It’s funny I can walk in anywhere and talk to anybody. But making the phone call just sets off the anxiety like nothing else. Even more interesting is I am awesome on the phone once I make the call. I was a manager if an auto shop so I had to make calls for work. I could do that most of the time. Once and a while I would have my mechanic make the call. When I made my first call to a therapist, I literally stressed over it for 2 hours before I made the call. I don’t get it. All the regular places I go I have that casual relationship with the cashiers who know me. We talk about different thing and etc…. I am great with people. So I can’t figure out my problem marking that first move. But when I need to, I always do it. Like last time I had to interview with a new supplier. So today we will see. I need a new primary care. Found a Transgender friendly center close to me and have been putting it off for weeks. Hopefully writing it down will help me. I’ll get there.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on January 25, 2022, 04:48:27 pm
In my experience anxiety is a sign of intelligence.  Most smart people have some sort of anxiety issue.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 26, 2022, 11:45:20 am
In my experience anxiety is a sign of intelligence.  Most smart people have some sort of anxiety issue.

Marion
I’ll take that as a compliment. Than you!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 26, 2022, 11:54:42 am
Started reading a book last night. About half way through and it has helped me with my faith and also opened my eyes a little. Sorry I am a pretty conservative Transgender woman. For me, I WAS, pick one, female or male. I just don’t understand the mega amount of pronouns thing. And now I get it more. They/them now make sense to me. I am working on the rest. All I can do is read and educate myself. Always room for improvement. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220126/cb46f7ba8b0aecf2c4bc1f4dcfcd320b.jpg)
It’s an awesome book. So far really helpful for me. It has renewed my faith and has made it stronger. The book is called “transforming” The Bible & the Lives of Transgender Christians.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 26, 2022, 11:59:15 am
Wow just realized I have no women’s shoes. Need to find some good ones that are not to feminine while I work on my comfort level wearing feminine things in public.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on January 26, 2022, 04:51:30 pm
Sizes vary, but I wear size 7 women or size 5 men's shoes.  Try adding  +2 to get  the women's size you need.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 26, 2022, 09:34:17 pm
It’s the little things. New underwear fits perfect. Not like you can go try them on. Lol.
Title: Wife having a hard time
Post by: Nora Kay on January 27, 2022, 11:17:12 am
I think my wife is having a hard time with things concerning my transition. When we had our blow out then talk. A lot of things got cleared up and out in the open. I felt great. My wife seemed real good. Still does. I hide nothing now. In a skirt at home. Working my way to a full outfit at home but for some reason even though I was told anything is good at home. I personally am not 100% comfortable in front of my wife. During our fight, the subject of her being on her phone and how she is always playing her game. And the fact she spent money on the game. Something we both promised each other we would never do anymore. Came up. She was going to delete the game. I made her keep it and told her deleting it during our fight/talk would be the wrong time.

During that fight she asked for a book or other material so she can learn more about my situation. Also she said we can start therapy together again. Which we will be doing.

The thing is it seems she is on her game more now. And yesterday I brought up my breasts because they were sore and she asked me what was wrong and as we were talking she made the cringe but not quite cring move she makes. It’s unique to her. But kind of a cringe. Well anyway my breast size is a sore subject to her. And it seems like she is avoiding reading the book I got her. When I asked about it she made excuses that made no sense. She is an avid reader. Or was.

Also last night I was reading another book about Christianity and transgender. It has been helping me tremendously with my anxiety about being accepted by my church and other Christians. Gif does not make mistakes. And there have been other genders other than male and female mentioned in the Bible and have been baptized. Well anyway she asked me if it was making me feel better. And it just seemed like she is expecting me reading about this subject is going to make me stop it slow down or something. Not sure she understands my reading is only for me to be comfortable in my faith as a transgender WOMAN.

Not sure she 100% understands what transitioning means or involves. But she needs to read. I mean I tell her. But not sure she hears me. When I say things like I need my body or face or head to match how I feel. Good or bad reaction, I need her to understand I am a woman and I need to look more like a woman. Ugh! Lol.

But anyway I am still in a great place. Especially in my mind. Can’t wait for a next big step. A small step will be getting my nails done. Ordered some gel top coat to take to the salon. Only the best fir this girl.

Remember. God loves you. And so do I!!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Brooke Renee on January 27, 2022, 11:56:09 am
Hi Nora Kay,

Glad to hear you are making some progress with yourself even if the progress with your wife is moving at a different pace, forward is forward! 

As a non-christian I cannot really provide you with advice regarding the Bible.  In fact I rarely provide any advice regard matters of faith.  But I will say this, in my faith it is who you are in your heart and how you live your life in terms being a positive force to all is the most important.  Not trying to fit into someone else's idea of what should or should not be.  Being transgender is hard enough without trying to overcome the fear and guilt of not living up to someone's yard stick that may be completely manufactured.

That's pretty deep stuff though and I am just one woman with her opinion.  You have to do you.   



I wish you the very best!

Brooke Renee
Title: Time to grow up
Post by: Nora Kay on January 29, 2022, 02:04:30 pm
Well, baby steps I guess. Today I buzzed the goat completely. But still did not shave it completely. That’s the next step. It’s been over 20 years since a razor has even touched my upper lip.

Yesterday I got some packages. Of coarse my nosy wife wanted to see what’s in them. Lol. She is adorable. Then she asked what’s in them. First was reading glasses. I lose or beak so many I just ordered cheap ones. This time I ordered real feminine cat eye shaped readers. She said they looked cute on me.

Second was some underwear. She asked what kind and asked if she could borrow them. But she did not like the style.

Third was a Morale patch display. And she asked if it made me happy. I said yes and that’s all that counts.

2 days ago someone came to the door asking if we needed our trees trimmed. I said no but noticed they did other things. Spent about 30 minutes getting estimates. Not realizing I had no hoodie on and a smaller shirt than usual. So showing definitely. And I was comfortable. So making myself to where not wearing a bra is uncomfortable seemed to work to making more comfortable wearing one that could be noticed in public. Looks like it’s going to be a good summer.

I guess it’s time for me to grow up and start being a role model instead of a neurotic cry baby mess. ( sorry about that ) Nothing I have worried about did I need to worry about as much as I did concerning my transition. Just have to deal with things the best I can as they come up. I am good at most things I do. Why can’t this be one of them.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 29, 2022, 02:21:53 pm
Wife has been reading the book I got her. So that’s good. I guess it’s also good that I am a real good vegan cook. Yesterday I made her a vegan hamburger, which in the end became vegetarian because of the cheese and I got another WOW! from her. I also get some WOWS when I make her eggs. Scrambled or over easy. I love it when I make her say wow.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on January 29, 2022, 06:14:50 pm



Nothing I have worried about did I need to worry about as much as I did concerning my transition.



I realized I can read this sentence two different ways, and I hope it means that your worries were overdone?
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 29, 2022, 10:54:31 pm

I realized I can read this sentence two different ways, and I hope it means that your worries were overdone?

Yup
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Battle Goddess on January 30, 2022, 01:02:04 am
Yup
Title: Re: Time to grow up
Post by: Courtney G on January 30, 2022, 09:46:53 pm
I guess it’s time for me to grow up and start being a role model instead of a neurotic cry baby mess. ( sorry about that ) Nothing I have worried about did I need to worry about as much as I did concerning my transition. Just have to deal with things the best I can as they come up. I am good at most things I do. Why can’t this be one of them.

No need to apologize. You have been through a ton and you've handled it well. I'm afraid that there will still be challenges (there always are) but you get stronger every day and you're better-equipped to handle them than ever before. Just take it one day at a time, don't be so hard on yourself and know that we are here for you, reading along as you tell your story.
Title: Re: Time to grow up
Post by: Nora Kay on January 30, 2022, 10:05:05 pm
No need to apologize. You have been through a ton and you've handled it well. I'm afraid that there will still be challenges (there always are) but you get stronger every day and you're better-equipped to handle them than ever before. Just take it one day at a time, don't be so hard on yourself and know that we are here for you, reading along as you tell your story.
Your friendship and a couple others on here. (Hope they know who they are) means the world to me!! All I want for everyone is the best. I love you all!!

On a different note I’ve been selling or trying to sell a lot of my old boy clothes and clothes my wife and I have shrank out of on Poshmark. Sold my first 2 pairs of men’s shorts today on Poshmark. I love that site. So many cute things to drool over. Lol. I have 56 things listed there. Definitely a better place to sell clothes than eBay. I also get to go thru all of our closets and am finding some good clothes to keep for later.

Also I found hair replacement place that specifically says they cater to the transgender community. I will online chat with them tomorrow when they are open about working with me on getting insurance to cover it. Since my ins. Co. Says they cover it. The PDF I found says I have to call and get assigned a transgender concierge that will help me navigate and get things pre approved. That ought to be fun getting myself to call with my phone anxiety still in full force. Lol

Peace Out babes. Love you all.
Nora Kay
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on January 31, 2022, 09:36:54 pm
I don’t know why. Just wanted to cry today. Still kind of do. Sometimes I don’t think I have it in me. Keep thinking what am I doing? Did not do anything today but work. Oh and did make a call to my endo to go over labs on Thursday. But that was it and only because they called me and I had to call them. Ugh.
Title: Just an update. 😀
Post by: Nora Kay on February 06, 2022, 08:35:20 pm
Meh. Been living life. Have not been on hormones long enough to worry about effects. Wife still seems oblivious to me transitioning. But what can you do but live your life and hope for the best. Next weekend she is leaving for a week on a cruise with her sister. I have been listing more things for sale online. Finding more female clothing to keep. Lots of skirts that fit. Yay. Just sold a pair of men’s wrangler jeans on Poshmark for $18. Oh man. Size 40 lol. How did I let myself get to that size. Things to worry about in the indicate future is try to be more active. Need to get to the gym. Losing the weight is half the battle. Getting fit is the next half. Been actually averaging an item sold a day for the last 5 days being sold on eBay and Poshmark. Just got to list a few things a day. Oh and while my wife is gone I need to see how much of our bathroom remodel I can finish while she is gone. Make her happy and I tend to stay happy. Lol. It’s kind of fun going thru our closet. She will try something on and then I will and if it does not fit either of us. Or it’s men’s clothing it goes to Poshmark or eBay. It’s cool when she hold up her pink hoodie to me to see if it will fit. Another thing I need to do is finish shaving my face. I got it down to the shortest setting on the clippers but have not shaved completely. I want to start experimenting with make up soon. I guess as that want becomes more and more I will start keeping my face shaved and seek out some permanent removal. Jeeze I am basically this girl who refused to keep herself up. Lol. I am lazy. I admit it. Lol. I’ll get there. Nothing about my wardrobe is really male. I have a couple pair of shorts left and T-shirts. Oh doctor said my hormone levels are coming along as they should and by 3 months should be close to where we want them. Then I get reupped and will be good for another 3 months. Speaking of hormones. I think with them getting better.  Even when I am exhausted I can still get myself to do things. Rather than before I just sulked and did nothing. Body hair has slowed to a crawl and is patchy on my tummy. Some laser should do me some good. I smell better too. Well thanks for listening and see you all soon. Have a great night. 
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 06, 2022, 11:18:25 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
I am wishing you well with your weight loss efforts.   It can be a difficult thing for many individuals....
.... it is important to keep on a good nutrition regimen and watching your calorie intake, along with a regular exercise routine,
and you had mentioned that you will be wanting to get to the gym... a very good move on your part.

You had mentioned that your "Wife still seems oblivious to me transitioning"  but then you stated "It’s cool when she hold up her pink hoodie to me to see if it will fit."  Based on that statement it would appear that she may have suspicions about your transition desires.

Hormones (HRT) usually does not work quickly or at least as quickly as we all would wish.   How quickly it does work and what it will accomplish in the changes you desire in your transition journey are mostly determine by your own genetic makeup and the knowledgeable supervision of your HRT prescribing physician.   
As we say here on the Forums, YMMV... or Your Mileage May Vary

If you have not already read the following thread/topic shown below, now may be a good time for you to read what it says and see how it may apply to your own journey and the questions you might have.  Be sure to read the entire thread and all the comments.

                  MTF timeline for Hormone Replacement Therapy
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251312.msg2337372.html#msg2337372

All of us here on the Forums are your biggest fans and we are always rooting for your success and happiness.
Whey you have good things to report we well be happy along side you, and when your report discouragements and failures we will always offer our ears to listen and our shoulders for you to lean on.

Please continue keeping me and the rest of your avid followers updated as you feel comfortable sharing.
HUGS and as always, best wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Rachel Montgomery on February 06, 2022, 11:56:11 pm
.
My current wife never knew about my cross dressing even with all those things around until one day I was looking for a surgeon to fuze my ankle and I was also searching to see if I could wear heels with a fuzed ankle. You can’t, but I can now. Forgot to clear my history and my wife found the heels with fuzed ankle search. I thought that was the end of the relationship. But she was like “that’s it? No big deal.” Back then I thought that’s all it was. But with not having to erase my browser history anymore I soon figured out I was transgender and began looking for a therapist.



When I started HRT it was low dose and eventually got up to full transition dose before my mind was good. But I never really discussed any of that with my wife. She just noticed my breasts and did not like them. We were both hoping low dose would be all I needed but it was not.



You may wonder how supportive my wife was. Even though she loved my facial hair and side burns and etc. she said no problem to dressing as my self when I went to support groups. I mean I had permission for wigs make up and etc. Like I said she would buy me clothes and other things. I carried a purse. I wore female shorts and pants. Some shirts. I was getting electrolosis and she was ok with that until I started doing some on my face. But would not forbid me. And when I wanted to talk about an orchiectomy that was a sore subject. She said no but we never talked about it before I took my break. So I don’t know. She did bring it up this time so I know it still may be a sore subject.

So to sum it up I was wearing mostly women’s clothes. Getting electrolosis. Carrying a purse. Wearing a bra every day.



So now here I am. A month back on HRT and my breast are bigger than I thought. I can barely hide them under oversized hoodies. Don’t know what I am going to do in the summer.


Danielle, her wife certainly knows.  Nora didn’t mean to suggest that [wife] was unaware.  I interpret her statement as describing that her wife was acting as if she didn’t notice any change.  But, she had previously made negative comments about breast growth, so maybe she is still noticing and just not commenting.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on February 07, 2022, 01:15:14 pm
Yup Rachel is right. She knows all about me but has stopped reading the book I gave her and it seems like to her, if we don’t say anything I won’t go farther. But she knows and has been told where I’m going with this. I just do what I do until I can’t wait anymore for the next step.

Today for the first time in years there is no hair in the goat area. Feels weird but good. Now I can really see where I might need work. But letting the hormones do their work for now. Definitely need the bags under my eyes gone.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Rachel Montgomery on February 07, 2022, 03:29:45 pm
I am happy for you on the move regarding facial hair.  I haven’t shaved mine in a while, and have a “Vandyke”.  I have been saying for months that I am going to shave it.  I just haven’t. 

I haven’t done electrolysis, but you may need a couple of days growth when you go.  Not sure about that.  Someone (a lot of people) here would know. 
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on February 13, 2022, 09:58:34 pm
I am happy for you on the move regarding facial hair.  I haven’t shaved mine in a while, and have a “Vandyke”.  I have been saying for months that I am going to shave it.  I just haven’t. 

I haven’t done electrolysis, but you may need a couple of days growth when you go.  Not sure about that.  Someone (a lot of people) here would know.
Well thank you Rachel. Everything is in our own time. When the time is right you will shave it. I have not shaved it since. Lol. I’m just lazy I guess.
Title: Valentines Week
Post by: Nora Kay on February 21, 2022, 11:22:11 am
My wife was leaving on a cruise with her sister a day before Valentine’s so she got me some roses a day before valentines. They were beautiful. She loves me. So I spent valentines week with out her here, but it was good. She has been wanting me to move my arcade game out of the office so she can make a spot to do yoga. So I moved it and I made her the best yoga studio I could while she was gone. She said all she would have done is cleaned a spot and put down a mat. I cleaned and rearranged her office on top of putting down a rug, bringing in a small tv and DVD player. I got her a singing bowl, put shelves down low and up high. A full wall yoga tapestry, an essential oil diffuser and some salt lamps. I also put some candles in there too. When she left the light was not working. So when she got home, I said I fixed the light and made it brighter, so she should go look at it. When she saw her studio and rearranged room she started to cry. So I think I did a good job. And when she was on the cruise she bought me a present. She got me some of the perfume I told her I wanted to get. It’s called Good Girl by Carolina Herrera. She said she likes it and has been using it. I said I thought that was for me and she said she thought I just wanted the container. So I am not sure if she understands I will be wearing perfume. But I’ll be using it today so she will know. Let’s kick back and see her reaction.

Need to get off my but and contact my insurance and get my transgender concierge so I can get pre approved for some hair removal, hair restoration and some smaller procedures. Also need to get into the dermatologist.

I never really liked make up. I always think other women use to much. But I have been looking into it and if I can keep it pretty natural looking and light feeling I should be good. I found the company I will be using and ordered some lip mask and night serum for before bed and some moisturizer for the morning. I signed up for 4 month auto replenish and I get 20% off future orders and free mascara. Once I have more hair removed on my face I’ll order more make up.

Also I cleaned the c r a p out of my house. So between the yoga studio,(I’ll try and get pictures later.) And the clean house, I have a lot of good credit. Lol. She is very happy at the moment.
Title: Update
Post by: Nora Kay on March 18, 2022, 10:35:33 am
I have been <not allowed> for the last month. I am the type that ANY medication has to be a high dose or it won’t work. Restarting hrt means a lower dose to start. So the E was not enough in my system. So I was having some kind of pms for about a month. Had new pellets inserted yesterday and a booster shot to get my levels up quicker. I feel better. I slept better last night.

I have actually been shaving more often which is good. But it feel like I aged 10 years overnight when I look into the mirror. I need to start a morning and evening skin routine before I even start thinking about make up.

Funny I bought a wig but still have not gotten myself to try it on. I am having a lot of hair regrowth but just not thick enough to matter.

I still present mostly male but my closet is 95% female for bottoms and a lot of male cut tshirts for the tops. But about 50% female for tops.

My breast are now a decent size C cup. Jeeze. Way back the first time I started I never thought they would grow that much. And this time going from a small B cup to a large C cup in three months is a big surprise. And I will tell you this right now. It is the doctor. She knows her stuff. If you are in Southern California there are only 2 doctors with this kind of expertise and she is one of them. A regular endo might not be good enough. And I will tell you this, if you want growth progesterone is an absolute must. And biodentical pellets are a must. Without that combo you do not have as good of a chance at growth. I have done my research and if you want to believe your doctor that’s on you. Sorry for the little rant but just because they are a doctor does not mean they know everything. You have to do your own research.

Not sure what I am going to do in may but will be warm and we are going on a cruise to Greece. My breasts seem to still be growing. And even if they have stopped, even in an over sized shirt they still push through quit prominent. We are going in the cruise with her sister and husband and me being out to anybody she knows is a no no right now. But she does not seem to worried about my body showing changes or any clothing I wear out in public. I have not asked but I think if I just went out in leggings and my oversized hoodie I don’t think she would say anything. Lol

OMG! It had been driving me nuts. Every time I break a nail, I say to myself I need to get my nails done. I used to go and get gel French mani and pedi all the time. Hopefully if my hormone levels are good my mood will be to where I will go.

Hair on my body is driving me nuts. Again some kind of PMS for the last month has had my attitude to where I don’t care. I don’t want to do anything. And obviously if I am writing here I am feeling better. 🤪.

Ok trigger warning. I am in super high dose of T blocker. And my little friend keeps saying high. Not the same as last time. He was under control and only came out when E levels were down. That’s how we new I needed more. Lol. This time if I put on a bra, he says high. I try on a super cute outfit he says hi. Not a full blown ( you know what I am trying to say) but enough for me to be annoyed. My doctor put it like this. I am attracted to women. So sometimes when I get dressed I may get aroused. Women get aroused, so it’s normal. Even if annoying. Me being so sexual an orchiectomy might not even stop him from appearing. It just upsets me. He is so small when dormant that I don’t need to tuck. He pulls in and gives me a decent shape down there. But he is a grower. So in tight bottoms he will show. But since it is like that. When he gets rearranged I should have an easy time getting aroused after all the surgery.

Now I need to get a hold of my insurance company. I came across a document for my insurance for a different company than my wife’s and my insurance seems to cover everything. So I need to verify. I do know we have the best PPO offered by Aetna so my coverage should be as good as the other company. I was amazed when I read that. They cover FFS, voice surgery and training, hair removal and restoration, tracheal shave, body feminization, lipo fat transfer and anything else you can think of. I just need to get it all done before my wife retires.

I am sure there is more to update. I will be back.
Title: Re: Update
Post by: Battle Goddess on March 18, 2022, 11:51:07 am
I am the type that ANY medication has to be a high dose or it won’t work.

Nice to hear from you, NK!

And is the above not the biggest pain in the tuchus? You can't take a normal dose but sometimes there are upper limits on how much of some particular med before its side effects get too risky, or a good cocktail won't work anymore because of interactions at high doses. Sympathize with you, sister.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on March 27, 2022, 11:23:12 pm
Ok so yesterday went out grocery shopping with the wife. Normally not a thing, but here in California it’s getting hot and I had to go without my hoodie. And it seems my breast are still growing. I mean damn. So a Bra a camisole and a t-shirt. Boy do I show. Lol. Only one time for sure I caught someone staring. It was the checker at the second store. Nobody said anything. Not sure how I would respond if someone did say something. Probably, knowing how I am it would be something like “do you like them?” Lol. I am kind of a smart A. Still presenting male. Have to start making some moves forward soon.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on March 28, 2022, 06:38:30 pm
Ok so yesterday went out grocery shopping with the wife. Normally not a thing, but here in California it’s getting hot and I had to go without my hoodie. And it seems my breast are still growing. I mean damn. So a Bra a camisole and a t-shirt. Boy do I show. Lol. Only one time for sure I caught someone staring. It was the checker at the second store. Nobody said anything. Not sure how I would respond if someone did say something. Probably, knowing how I am it would be something like “do you like them?” Lol. I am kind of a smart A. Still presenting male. Have to start making some moves forward soon.
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora Kay:
You stated:
"And it seems my breast are still growing. I mean damn.
So a Bra a camisole and a t-shirt. Boy do I show.

Still presenting male. Have to start making some moves forward soon."


Yep, I agree with you...
...you might wish to consider making some moves forward soon... very soon!!!!

I am wishing well as you continue in your journey as you head for your goals.
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on March 28, 2022, 07:50:43 pm
So today my wife comes in after my shower while getting dressed and whistles. Also tells me I’m getting a but. Had my 3rd and last cyst removed today. Had to remove my shirt so just a camisole over my bra. I love my dermatologist he is so nice. Talked to the receptionist about hair removal she gave me a price list. She was surprised when I told her I was trans. Been trying to hide the fact when I went in, but no way to hide from the doctor today. I am sure he already knew. And still has not mentioned it. The receptionist only has seen me with my flannel on so I look male to her when I told her. We talked about insurance coverage and I am going to seek pre approval before I schedule anything.

On another note I bought a 2002 Jaguar X-Type. Needs minor work. The seller lied to me about fees so I was shocked today at AAA. Good thing it is super clean. And I got a good price. Getting it smogged tomorrow. Hopefully it will pass. My new wheels and tires arrived on Saturday. Waiting for the top strut mounts so I can put together my strut with my lowered springs. Still debating on whether to have the struts and springs installed or do it myself. YouTube shows a lot of extra steps on my jag compared to other cars. So hopefully smogged tomorrow. Then maybe window tint, then struts, then brakes, get it aligned then install the new wheels. Then I need to work on the interior. Does not “need” a lot. But a lot I want to do. Love working on my cars. Maybe I’ll order the lift kit for my Mini Cooper while I do all this to the Jag.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Rakel on March 28, 2022, 07:51:15 pm
Ok so yesterday went out grocery shopping with the wife. Normally not a thing, but here in California it’s getting hot and I had to go without my hoodie. And it seems my breast are still growing. I mean damn. So a Bra a camisole and a t-shirt. Boy do I show. Lol. Only one time for sure I caught someone staring. It was the checker at the second store. Nobody said anything. Not sure how I would respond if someone did say something. Probably, knowing how I am it would be something like “do you like them?” Lol. I am kind of a smart A. Still presenting male. Have to start making some moves forward soon.

And before you know it, you get bigger and bigger and then you discover that breasts are so over rated, but incredibly gender confirming.  ;)
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on March 28, 2022, 08:50:45 pm
And before you know it, you get bigger and bigger and then you discover that breasts are so over rated, but incredibly gender confirming.  ;)
Not sure I want them any bigger. With my C cup push up bra they are way big enough. But I think I may be doomed though.

It’s kind of funny. I had no memory of my moms or sisters sizes until I saw mine the size they are now in the mirror. And if one size down is the norm. I definitely will get bigger.

And for sure! I’m already there. Totally over rated and annoying at times. But would never give them up.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on March 30, 2022, 09:27:51 pm
Had to go to the dmv today. Half bald head with crazy hair for my real ID picture did not make me happy. But after I change my name legally and FFS I will be doing it all over.

Getting more comfortable with my breasts showing under my shirts. I found myself today with my head held up high and my shoulders back instead of slouching to try and hide them. I guess because I can’t hide them, I am getting used to them. Every once and a while it looks like someone is staring but you know, the are probably not. I think now I almost want people to notice. Even though I still present male.

Little upset. I started reading a book online. And then when I got into it. It wanted me to pay for more. I found more of it for free but not all of it. That’s not what upset me. I spent to long reading. Had some calls I wanted to make. Lol. Never thought in a million years I would get caught up reading a book and forget about time. Too funny.

Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on March 31, 2022, 10:45:18 am
I'm glad you're getting more comfortable with your breasts, Nora. I guess that's one of many steps we need to take. I understand the "wanting people to notice" aspect. It's like "this is who I really am."

It's a shame that you had to do the driver's license photo without doing your hair and stuff, but think of the comparison between this new photo and the next one!
Title: Bwahahahahahaha
Post by: Nora Kay on March 31, 2022, 01:00:40 pm
Bwahahahahahaha Bwahahahahahaha Even though my wife is 5-9 and I am 5-11 1/2 I can wear just about everything she owns. But that also means she keeps stealing my clothes too!! I love it!!! She bought me Good Girl perfume but she wears it every day and I do too. She came home and told me she almost bought me a real cute spaghetti strapped dress. But it was in a window display that did not coincide with the store behind it. She came into the garage while I was at my computer and gives me a pink pen she got from her work. I think she really loves me. Lol.

There are some things I fit into that she can’t. That’s when she calls me skinny babe.

As I am getting over some of my insecurities, I am starting to have more fun with my transition.

I really need to get over my phone anxiety completely, it is hindering my progress. I am going to have to. Only being 4 months into this, and things are changing rapidly.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on March 31, 2022, 01:45:06 pm
^ I love it!

I look forward to hearing more stories about flirting/having fun with your wife. It sounds like things are moving in the right direction. I really hope this continues!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 01, 2022, 02:09:17 pm
I am aggravated at boobs and bras. I can’t tell what’s happening. I’m still new to this. Lol. Am I growing? Well just put on a shirt that is tight around that area and was not before. But I am wearing a 38 B at the moment. I put on my Hanes pink 38C and it fits perfect. I put on my Hanes black 38C and I am falling out of it and it’s tight. 2 months ago my Hanes black 38B did not fit. 1 month ago I think I was growing a little and it fit perfect. Now I am falling out of it. And it is tight. But if I look in the mirror, they do not look any bigger.

Ok now they are not as big as I want. But decent. I look at pics of before and after on real self and I find that I am a little smaller than my preferred size, but bigger than a lot of the before pics and their shape could be better. I am not actually complaining about their size just contemplating a little. But in the end I definitely do not want implants. And even fat transfer is a surgery I am not 100% sure about in that area, but plan on fat transfer in other areas. So maybe if it’s just an add on procedure when I do my but and hips I may go for it.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on April 01, 2022, 02:59:04 pm
I find mine alter, some days bigger then they will "shrink" . Hydration will make a difference .
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 02, 2022, 05:38:44 pm
I find mine alter, some days bigger then they will "shrink" . Hydration will make a difference .
Well that makes total sense.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 02, 2022, 05:44:51 pm
Omg. My stupid phone anxiety. But anyway. I went on Twitter and contacted my insurance asking about a case manager that specializes in gender reassignment. They gave me an email and asked for all my info. So my Twitter name. Same as here and my legal name together in one email. Ugh!
Plus I just blurt out I am transgender and want a case manager that specializes in gender reassignment and related procedures. With all my info. If I don’t have to call. It will be good. This is getting real. Need to start hair removal. It’s starting to drive me bonkers.

I did start shaving more often now. I think I am starting to look like an ugly old lady. Lol. I can handle looking my age. Just not too ugly. Lol
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 02, 2022, 05:51:27 pm
Not sure if I will be carrying a purse yet. I want to. I have my wallet and sunglasses and regular readers in it. I took it with me to the postal annex yesterday but left it in the car. Another thing is when going out and taking my readers I would take my least feminine ones with me. Now I take my cute cat eye readers. Actually used them at the dmv. Small wins.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Jessica_Rose on April 02, 2022, 05:51:56 pm
Omg. My stupid phone anxiety. But anyway. I went on Twitter and contacted my insurance asking about a case manager that specializes in gender reassignment. They gave me an email and asked for all my info. So my Twitter name. Same as here and my legal name together in one email. Ugh!
Plus I just blurt out I am transgender and want a case manager that specializes in gender reassignment and related procedures. With all my info. If I don’t have to call. It will be good. This is getting real. Need to start hair removal. It’s starting to drive me bonkers.

I did start shaving more often now. I think I am starting to look like an ugly old lady. Lol. I can handle looking my age. Just not too ugly. Lol

Congrats on taking another small step forward!

Remember, mirrors can be evil. They only show you what you want to see. If you decide to look for flaws, flaws are what you will see. Look for beauty, and you will see what others see.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on April 03, 2022, 03:33:57 am
I have said this before but never expected to pass but I do, need the wig and a bit of makeup helps and I dont look my age ! Thing is everyone is different , not every woman is a pinup and if the best is you can blend in that that should be fine. Confidence is the key, once you believe everyone else will.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 04, 2022, 03:14:29 pm
I just got these Doc Martens in the mail. Worn once. Super great price. And my size. Aren’t they beautiful???(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220404/656778efa7085b2cbb66965a4ce8e2ec.jpg)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Jessica_Rose on April 04, 2022, 04:13:06 pm
Those are awesome! I have resigned myself to never finding anything like that. Most manufacturers only go up to women's size 11, some stop at 12. Unfortunately I was gifted with women's size 13! I've found enough that I don't go barefoot, but it's tough to find replacements when they wear out. Enjoy those!

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 04, 2022, 08:11:27 pm
Those are awesome! I have resigned myself to never finding anything like that. Most manufacturers only go up to women's size 11, some stop at 12. Unfortunately I was gifted with women's size 13! I've found enough that I don't go barefoot, but it's tough to find replacements when they wear out. Enjoy those!

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Well with Doc Martens it’s going to depend. I wear a size 12 But those beautiful boots are size 11. They fit a little tight today but my feet have some serious edema going on right now. I know what causes it so I am not doing that anymore. I should know by tomorrow morning how well they fit. In the morning the edema is gone and I cause it to come back. I just have to stop. I can get them on but I broke my pinky toe a few days ago and it’s still sore and can’t walk in any shoes right now. Living in sandals right now.

It sucks that they are expensive and you have to shop around for a good price. Finding something like this at a good price is rare. That’s why I got them.

It’s a possibility that size 12 Doc Martens will fit you. But now I know. I will keep my eyes out for your size when looking for mine. There are some size 12 Docs on Poshmark. That’s another way I was able to get them. Sell a few things and use that money toward them. 
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 05, 2022, 12:54:59 pm
I just got these Doc Martens in the mail. Worn once. Super great price. And my size. Aren’t they beautiful???(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220404/656778efa7085b2cbb66965a4ce8e2ec.jpg)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I am a little upset! My beautiful boots are tight and I can feel in my heel that they might give me problems. Feet still bloated this morning so there is still a chance I will be able to wear them. I did all the research and Docs are supposed to run big. Ugh! I have to quit the wishful thinking and realize I am a size 12. I did find a bunch of boots on esty that are super cool looking and feminine like these. That go up to size 14 in women’s. If you have a hard time finding them I can send you a pm with a link to a pair. Cool thing is you can do a picture search to search for item that look like something so you can find other styles. I swear I am sick of the shoe size thing. I am about to find a manufacturer that will make boots off of my designs, only carry sizes 8-16 and turn my website into a lady big feet cool shoe store.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Jessica_Rose on April 05, 2022, 01:02:53 pm
I have some really nice, warm winter boots from Blondo. I usually wear women's size 13, so that's what I ordered. They were way too tight, so I exchanged them for a size 14. Those were tight too! Luckily Blondo goes up to a size 15, and those fit perfectly.

I hope the swelling in your feet goes down enough for those to fit. They are really cute!

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 05, 2022, 07:57:29 pm
I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now. I feel like <not allowed>. I conked out in the middle of mowing my back yard. And can’t finish and put away the mower. Probably just going to pull the mower off the grass so the sprinklers don’t get it in the morning. I did finish mowing the first round. It’s so long this time I had to mow before I edged so all the edging need to be mowed up. Mowing the lawn is just what I was doing when my mind and body just quit. I woke up like this. I’m pissed. I’m sad. I don’t feel good. I don’t have motivation. Then my wife is not feeling good either. When she feels bad she says she’s tired and won’t tell me what’s wrong or talk about it. And that makes me worse.

Earlier I had to mail some packages and I was in a bad mood. It’s a miracle I did not get a ticket on the way home.

Right now I am on the verge of tears. Ugh!!! <not allowed>???? I’m going nuts. I just want to scream!!

Sorry folks. I just need to write   I have to get things out or I’m going to explode.

So my next complaint is a totally legit one. But maybe I am wrong. But my wife is spending hundreds of dollars a month on a freakin bingo game on her phone. And she is so into so much that if she thinks she missed a bingo or thinks I distracted her and she missed a bingo because of it. She gets upset. Upset to a point anybody would be thinking there is definitely something wrong there. Like to the verge or just short of her throwing her phone. I mean like pounding on the couch and throwing a mini tantrum. We did get into a fight about it before. She said I was right and said she would delete the game. I had to force her not to. Because it would be temporary and she would have reloaded it. She has to quit on her own. And about the money. I am on disability. So the money is hers. And she can do what she wants. But it’s bad. She has a problem. I don’t know what to fo on this one.

Next complaint.
She is sabotaging our diet. Not just once. But for the last 3 days and every once and a while fir the last 2 weeks. I’m not gaining. But not losing either. I told her I’m going back on and she can do it with me or she can gain on her own.

Ok my insurance got back to me. A case manager specializing in gender reassignment is going to get in touch with me. I will have to have one phone conversation but after that we can do thru email. The she said once I have a conversation with my case manager she can “help me with my journey”. She said those words. HELP ME WTH MY JOURNEY. Kind of sounds good.

Because I’ve been feeling like <not allowed>, I kind of ghosted the hair replacement place after requesting an appointment for this week. I feel bad. But I will just contact them. Apologize and get things moving there.

Welp, going to make me some dinner. Steak and salad.

I feel a little better. Getting that out. Still feel like <not allowed>. But better.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on April 05, 2022, 08:35:56 pm
Edging the yard.  I rarely do that.  Unless you count the trimming with the big snow blower each winter.   ;D

I've switched to large cat eye glasses.  I switch between half a dozen glasses.  Insurance chipped in an reduced a $1000 pair  at Lensecrafters down to $300.  Then I bought a bunch more online so I have about $700 spent for eyeware.  A large cateye works really great as sunglass frame.  No light leakage and minimal distortion!  I have a prescription for reading and since they weren't too expensive, I got lenses with no coatings at all for working in the yard after the sun sets.

Hope you feel better soon.  I'm feeling better now that I've been able to dig up some plants and give them to my co-workers.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on April 06, 2022, 03:11:17 am
Yup, had one of those days yesterday where nothing would go right so gave up working on the hot rod and went home and ate a jam (jelly) sandwich . Not good for my diet ,sigh-----
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 06, 2022, 11:37:59 am
Yup, had one of those days yesterday where nothing would go right so gave up working on the hot rod and went home and ate a jam (jelly) sandwich . Not good for my diet ,sigh-----

Thank for the thoughts. I feel better today. But still a little down. But way better.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 06, 2022, 11:46:58 am
Yup, had one of those days yesterday where nothing would go right so gave up working on the hot rod and went home and ate a jam (jelly) sandwich . Not good for my diet ,sigh-----

Ok what hot rod you working on? Love cars. Not quit a hot rod but it’s a little fast. I just bought a clean 2002 Jaguar X-type. Already have the new rims, tires, front struts, rear shocks, new springs, new pads and rotors, k & n air filter, parts to make the flow better in the air box and a cabin air filter. Have not put anything in yet. I’ve never had to pull the whole knuckle off the car to do struts before. But the tutorials say so. It’s usually a 30 minute job per side. But with everything coming off it might be a little longer. Have not felt like working on her. Still trying to get her to pass emissions. Stupid laws. She passes. Just the computer has not been thru its drive cycles since the battery went dead.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on April 06, 2022, 03:03:19 pm
Not sure on the X type, have been retired  for 2 years . The hot rod is more of a resto street rod , 51 Austin Countryman . Have a look in Hobbies under hot rods and drag racing and there is a pic.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 06, 2022, 10:24:20 pm
Ok it’s just to warm here in SoCal to care. I’ve been lazy and have not shaved in a couple days. Don’t usually like going hoodie less when I have not shaved. I don’t know why. But seems weirder to me to not shave and have my breasts showing. I am still basically all male with breasts. Lol But I can see the changes in my face. So feeling better about that.

I am not out to anybody in my life but my wife. I usually cover my chest when the mailman comes. But today it was too hot. Of course he did not say anything. Don’t even think he was even looking at me today. We talk about tools and tool boxes as he is working on his garage. He bought a pressure washer I recommended and loves it. Then I went to the grocery store. And no big there either. I am almost to the point where I may try wearing a tighter fitting top when I go out. It’s getting kind of hard to hide the c cups even under an oversized hoodie. I am not sure if wearing the smaller bra or larger one hides better. Really good cleavage in the smaller ones. It’s like wearing a push up with the B cup bra with C cup breasts.

The second my insurance confirms coverage for hair removal I will be restarting the hair removal process. Also getting a hair replacement consult. Those are 2 of my biggest bothers right now.

 I am dying to try some make up but don’t want to wile I still shave. Foundation and stubble just don’t sound like a good pair to me.

I may call my insurance tomorrow. I am going to have to call anyway so maybe it’s time to overcome my anxiety and take that step. I am getting tired of waiting for people to get to me. Time to force the issues a little. I need to move ahead.

Also I tried setting up an appointment to see a dentist to get my implant supported dentures. If I don’t hear from them, I am calling in the morning. I hashed it out with my wife this morning. She ok’d it. It would be nice to get them before our cruise in May.

I am just rambling but getting stuff out helps me so much.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on April 07, 2022, 11:31:43 am
It's ok, Nora. Ramble away. We're reading along.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: mm on April 07, 2022, 05:00:09 pm
Nora Kay, if you want your breasts to show wear an underwire style bra. If you want to hide them go with a sports bra or minimizer style bra. Can make a big difference in how you appear.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 07, 2022, 06:59:36 pm
I have been listing some of my wife’s Queen memorabilia on eBay. She was a hard core fan in the 80’s and met the whole band numerous times. She would cut out all the Queen photos in magazines so I have to check for missing pages and condition before I list a magazine. Today I was flipping through one and came to a page with all the band members on it. And to my shock Roger Taylor and Freddie Mercury had signed that page. Her reaction was, oh - only those 2 must have come outside for a break that night. Like no big deal. Lol
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 07, 2022, 07:05:02 pm
Nora Kay, if you want your breasts to show wear an underwire style bra. If you want to hide them go with a sports bra or minimizer style bra. Can make a big difference in how you appear.

My only problem is that even with a sports bra, I still show thru a one size bigger shirt that is pretty baggy and no way I can go too long in one of those that will make me a little smaller. It will start to really feel squished and uncomfortable after about an hour. Right now I am wearing a wireless that shows as much as my wired bras. I think once you get to a certain size you just going to show. And now that it’s hot I am all out of caring. Lol.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 07, 2022, 07:17:21 pm
Possible triggers if you have ever been in rehab or addicted to drugs in this post. Don’t forget to read my posts on page 9 lol. I have an appointment in about 2 hours at the dentist.  I will be getting a consultation for some dental implant supported dentures. I have no teeth because I was a dumb dumb when I was younger and did drugs. Speed rots your teeth. That was when I was in my 20’s or 30’s. I don’t remember I was young. But thank god I never smoked it or shot it. I guess unless you were in that crowd you would not know. Addiction is worse for meth if you smoke it. And way worse if you shoot it. So best way is never do it. I was lucky and was able to get away from it. Just woke up after sleeping a week and walked away. A miracle. Both me and my girlfriend at that time just walked away. Never to look back. Her story did not end as well as mine. But anyway.

My wife and I hashed it out about my teeth. It’s a big investment and I had to make sure she was good with it. Will be dipping into savings for it. New teeth should raise my confidence level. Hoping it will give me the boost I need to be a little more outgoing. Help my sometimes depression.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 07, 2022, 07:27:30 pm
Omg I just saw my pending payout from eBay. I had no clue I sold that much. To bad I did not make that much. Some of it is like making 10-20 dollars on a 200 item. After fees and shipping not sure it’s worth it. But you list some Queen items that basically are personal items with 0 cost. And used clothes. Mixed it with the new items and it works out better.

I am just barely hitting my 100 items listed Mark. Once I hit 250 I can upgrade my store for better placement. Need to do some marketing for my website so I can get off eBay. To much fees. But have to make money to do that. 
Title: Sick of it
Post by: Nora Kay on April 07, 2022, 10:11:48 pm
Sometimes I just wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up. People suck. My wife sucks. The dentist suck. Everybody sucks. Make me wonder why I’m not an addict. Need something to dull the pain. But I don’t drink or do drugs. Quit smoking and everything. Only Vice right now is energy drinks. And I think I need to give those up. Can’t even cry I’m hurting so bad right now. The tears are forming. But can’t cry. Don’t think I’m up for transitioning, let alone just living life any more. 😢
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on April 08, 2022, 10:00:48 am
Sorry to hear, Nora. Maybe take some time - even a few hours - for yourself and step away from all of the external and internal pressures you're feeling? Maybe a massage...or just lunch in the park will help. It's going to be ok. All things must pass.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 10, 2022, 01:22:20 pm
I feel better today. Stresses of life are still there but hopefully solutions are on the horizon.

I got a call from a Case manager Nurse at my insurance company. I waited to long on a Friday to call her back so nothing to report on the insurance company until at least tomorrow. I WILL be finding out what’s covered and how I get started.

I found an electrolysist super close to me in my city that I will be sending a message to and starting hair removal on my face ASAP, wether it’s covered or not. Coverage will dictate how often I can go. If it’s mostly covered I will be going at least 3 times a week for as long as I can take the pain. And going by the past. Hopefully the technician will be willing to go 2-3 hours each day I go.

I have a phone consult with a different dentist at 1:00 PM tomorrow. The first consult said I won’t need a sinus lift. The second consult says I will need a sinus lift. So tomorrow’s consult will be with a dentist that’s about 3 hours away, instead of 20 minutes. I was hoping to find a local dentist that knew what they were doing. But it’s looking like I am going out of state to get PROPER implant smile restoration. Would have went there first and probably should have. I might be done by now if I did. Oh well.

As soon as my teeth are done I will be getting consults for the some feminization surgeries. Depending on how long my teeth are going to take. If I do need sinus lift and need time to heal, I will start setting up consults while I take care of my teeth. As it will be 6 months to a year at the earliest I will be able to schedule anything. Due to the back log with recommended surgeons. I don’t let just anybody touch me. That is the reason it’s been years of researching for my teeth before I decided.

So I woke up today and I am starting to see a more feminine face. And when I was getting dressed I am seeing a more feminine body. My libido is still nuts. Lol. I know it may be a little mean but when I see commercials about erectile disfunction I laugh at them because I still don’t have that problem. I wish I did. And some things don’t make my little friend excited anymore. But as my breasts continue to grow and look better, with better shape, my little friend still gets excited when we see them. But hey. I guess that means I won’t have to worry about getting aroused once he gets turned into a she. I am sure she will be just as excitable as he was. Lol. 😉 Honestly I do still want a decent libido after it’s all said and done. I just want the little guy gone.

It’s funny 3 month ago I was thinking that I could handle leaving him alone if everything else was the way I would like. But as things progress, I can’t stand seeing him or touching him. He needs to leave. Like yesterday. Lol. But even as things change. He will be the last. At least that’s the way I feel now.

So new teeth should mean a little more confidence. Removing facial hair will mean I will feel better when I wear makeup. I am looking forward to make up. But until I can get myself to do my nightly regimen and a morning regimen every day I see no reason to start makeup.

Oooh, one thing I really want to get done is my lips. I need to call my endo. As she has someone who does that along with Botox. Need to get rid of those frown lines. And I want fuller lips. Almost looks to me like I don’t even have a top lip. Lol. And barely a lower lip.

One thing I noticed is that I am not caring as much as I did is if anybody notices things. Probably because like the last three times I have had packages to go out, I have almost missed the postman. So I have been running out with what ever I already have on. Or it’s just to hot to cover up.

As far as changes or development. Can’t really expect much because it’s only been about 4 months. The only thing that did not go away from my last attempt at transitioning is my breasts. And miraculously they have shot up from a small B-cup to a decent C-cup in bra size, this time around. I say bra size because they definitely fill a C-cup rather well , but still look small to me in the mirror. And because of vanity, even though I know better, I still stay at a 38 band size, when I should probably go to a 40. Meh. It is what it is. Lol.

I have done so much research on breast growth in transgender women that it makes me happy that I am having better growth than I thought I would. Second to last thing I do would be my breasts because they are doing good right now. I will see what they look like in about a year. Then decide. Just when I think. They are to pointy or the shape does not seem right. I will be getting ready for bed and look at them and be like “daaaang” they look good. Lol. Things like having actuall cleavage with out a bra to push them up, might seem like a small thing. But makes me extremely happy. It makes up for not having the but or thigh development I want. Having at least one thing going somewhat well makes me feel like it is worth it. I think it may be sad to say. But without my boobs I would not be in as good place as I am right now. One of the things that keep me going.

Things that keep me going. My wife says she loves me too. She is awesome. Like today. I put on a pair of Capris and she calls be a name. With love. I say “what? They fit you” and she tells me that they look better on me. My dog. I love home so much. He has saved my life more than once. My boobs. Having them makes me happy. One more size up and I will be ecstatic. There are other thing but those come to mind right away.

Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 10, 2022, 06:02:35 pm
YUM!! Quest makes a lot of protein chips and bars. But these by far are the best. And as far as chips go I would choose these over any chip made. OMG!!(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220410/43d3704c3e8e0393e2d7305890b28516.jpg)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 10, 2022, 09:46:18 pm
Wow just sent an email to a surgeon. He is local. And his reviews are insane. But I don’t know if he does feminization procedures. But he was the second doctor that came up on my realself search. So I’m a hoping. Hopefully I know this week what insurance covers.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 11, 2022, 12:14:53 pm
At the doctor right now getting some stitches out. Had my 3rd and hopefully final cyst removed 2 weeks ago. This doctor does laser hair removal so if I can get myself to talk to the doctor about it. Wearing capris and no hoodie. Just a tshirt. And if they notice what I am wearing and what’s stickie through my shirt, it doesn’t seem to bother anybody. Lol. Just doing things to help confidence.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: EllenW on April 11, 2022, 05:47:12 pm
And if they notice what I am wearing and what’s stickie through my shirt, it doesn’t seem to bother anybody. Lol. Just doing things to help confidence.

 Nora,
I believe you had mentioned in another post that you live in Southern California. I do too and in my experience during my transition over close to 10 years, it never bothered anybody that I was wiring feminine clothes I had small breast while still presenting identification  with my <deadname>. I suspect that will be the case for you.

Ellen
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 11, 2022, 08:11:06 pm
Nora,
I believe you had mentioned in another post that you live in Southern California. I do too and in my experience during my transition over close to 10 years, it never bothered anybody that I was wiring feminine clothes I had small breast while still presenting identification  with my <deadname>. I suspect that will be the case for you.

Ellen
Ellen,
I sure hope so and so far it seems that way. I live in Corona. It seems pretty laid back here. Last time I was in Westminster and I know I wore female jeans all the time. Last time I started HRT for 2 years then took 3 off. Last time it was mostly the jeans and under garments like a camisole. I did not wear a bra that much then. We moved I had a couple surgeries (knee the ankle) gained weight and took time off from my transition. I then lost the 80 pounds, thought my breasts were mostly fat, but found out they were not. And restarting HRT I guess they picked up where they left off. Sometimes I feel like I am doing it wrong. I have no real progress but I am already in a C-cup bra. Still presenting male, wearing mostly female clothing. Starting to wear my jewelry again. And when I get time I have got to get my nails done again. I always had a perfect French mani and pedi. And I miss my nails. Being in my 50’s I do get the I’m to old for this feeling once and a while. But it goes away rather quickly. So hopefully I’ll get at least one of my to do’s done this week. Lol
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: EllenW on April 12, 2022, 10:59:04 am
Nora,

You are basically following the same transition path that I did. And you are not too old as I was in my 50's when I started wearing mostly feminine cloths while presenting male. But I did not start HRT until I was in my 60's.

I live in Costa Mesa so feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to or recommendations on providers in OC

Ellen

Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 16, 2022, 10:34:34 pm
Nora,

You are basically following the same transition path that I did. And you are not too old as I was in my 50's when I started wearing mostly feminine cloths while presenting male. But I did not start HRT until I was in my 60's.

I live in Costa Mesa so feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to or recommendations on providers in OC

Ellen

Thank you Ellen,
I may take you up on sending you a PM. It is super sweet of you to offer.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 16, 2022, 10:44:49 pm
Good day today. Got some new sketchers Mules. The are kind of like Crocs. I wore them to lunch today with my wife.

Ok here is a question. I bought a wig. It has great reviews and I did my research before I bought it. It was not expensive but I am sure it will be fine for the first one. So what gives? I have not been able to get myself to even take it out of the package. Why won’t I try it on? Scared I’ll look to good. Lol. Or more scared I will look to much like a guy in a wig.

Same reason why I basically ghosted the hair transplant place? Or not answering the surgeons texts?

So still have not talked to my insurance. But I have made 2 calls, only to get her machine. And every time she calls I have left my phone in the other room. But we are definitely talking Tuesday. She is out of the office till Tuesday at 8:00 AM. She emailed me. So we have contact and can do most things thru email if I like. But we still need to talk at least once. Things are moving. Just at a snails pace. It’s part of why I have not called anybody back. I want to get some info on what’s covered.

But hey had a great day with my wife. And if you want to know my mood look at my avatar. May give you a clue. Or confuse you. Lol. I change it a lot.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on April 17, 2022, 04:07:51 am
You must try the wig, it made all the difference to me .
Title: I love my wife
Post by: Nora Kay on April 19, 2022, 01:53:56 pm
Ok in the past it seemed like my wife would not where any of my clothes. Or something that was the exact same as mine but in her size. We are the same on a lot of things. But she has hips and smaller feet. So I was wearing my Avengers leggings last night and she asked for a pair in her size. Blew me away. So of course I pulled her size out of my stock and she is wearing them today. And today the pair of new sketchers mules exactly like the ones I got off Poshmark brand new for myself arrive today for her. Now we have an outfit just like each other. Lol. I am tickled about it.
Title: Re: I love my wife
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 19, 2022, 02:14:12 pm
Ok in the past it seemed like my wife would not where any of my clothes. Or something that was the exact same as mine but in her size. We are the same on a lot of things. But she has hips and smaller feet. So I was wearing my Avengers leggings last night and she asked for a pair in her size. Blew me away. So of course I pulled her size out of my stock and she is wearing them today. And today the pair of new sketchers mules exactly like the ones I got off Poshmark brand new for myself arrive today for her. Now we have an outfit just like each other. Lol. I am tickled about it.
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
Wow-whee .... this is very exciting for me to read.... I am so very happy for you that you are
experiening more and more episodes of acceptance from your wife!!!
Count yourself as very fortunate.

Thank you for sharing your good news...
... please keep your updates coming.  Along with the rest of your avid followers I am eagerly looking for your next updates as you feel comfortable sharing.

HUGS and wishing you continued successes.
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on April 19, 2022, 06:04:08 pm
So cool to hear that your wife is continuing to show signs of acceptance, Nora!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 19, 2022, 06:26:56 pm
So yesterday i was remembering that I had a Facebook friend that did a free session of electrolysis on my stomach at an electrolysis school last time I started to transition. He was awesome when I met him. And when I met him he was Mid transition himself and he already looked like a natural woman. I was kind of jealous. He looked sooo good so quick. Lol. We were just chatting and he grabbed my phone and sent himself a friend request. I was figuring that its been a few years so his skills at electrolysis should be awesome by now. We never really talked. I would just respond to posts here and there. So we definitionally were not close friends. Just barely Facebook friends. I keep saying he because about 3 weeks ago he cut his hair and decided to de-transition back into a man. It takes a lot to blow my mind and this news just blew my mind like nothing else. So bad that when I learned about it in the morning just before I left to my pain Dr for my monthly appointment, it made me think long and hard about my transition. Thank God that he did an interview and the video is on YouTube. You see even though he is younger, I thought of him as a kind of role model. So when I saw that he started to de-transition in march I was floored. The whole trip to my doctor that's all I can think about. I waited till I got home to watch his video. Watching the video there was a few things the same as me. But what I found out, not much of his past was really like mine. If I did not watch this video it would have taken me a lot longer to sort out how I was feeling and know for sure I am on the right path. Believe me after watching his video I know for sure I am a Transgender woman.

Once I got closer to the end of the video I was agreeing with him on a lot of things. He absolutely is a gay Man and not transgender. If he would have had the right therapist and was not pushed into transitioning, he would not have lost about 7 years of his life. A lot of things he says is why I questioned my first try at transition. And I needed to sort things myself, and find my way back without the help of a therapist.


If you want to see the video you can go to YouTube and search this Phrase.
"Ex Transgender Woman interview-Brian"
Title: Breakfast
Post by: Nora Kay on April 20, 2022, 12:30:34 pm
Well I know one reason my wife keeps me around is that I am a good cook. I hate bragging, but I like my cooking and there are times my wife tastes something I make for the first time and says wow. And she has said wow to my scrambled eggs more than once. But today we had Vegan breakfast sausage empanadas. And I got a wow. It’s actually easy to make.

14 ounce beyond meat breakfast sausage. Cook till brown. Mix a few tablespoons of flour and milk until you have a super thick sausage gravy. Put it in a bowl and put it in the fridge until cool. I prefer cold. We used buttermilk biscuits. But you can use any biscuits. Roll them flat.  Put stuff in fold over seal with a fork and bake 20 minutes at 350. Oh and brush butter of each one for a golden brown color.

The recipe is online. And super good. Of course I make it my own by adding a little chalula and a sprinkle of garlic. 

As good as it gets! Yum!

 When I bake things like this I use time as a base cooking time, but I mainly go by color.  I have baked a few things in my life and color to me is best to go by. I almost never have a good outcome if I go by just time. Lol
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 20, 2022, 12:44:03 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
Now you have done it !!!  
It is still fairly early here, 9:30am, and I have not had breakfast this morning....

I am at my office and I think I will head next door to the coffee shop and get
something to eat, along of course with more coffee!!!

Thank you for sharing.
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 20, 2022, 11:44:03 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
Now you have done it !!!  
It is still fairly early here, 9:30am, and I have not had breakfast this morning....

I am at my office and I think I will head next door to the coffee shop and get
something to eat, along of course with more coffee!!!

Thank you for sharing.
HUGS,
Danielle


Lol.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on April 21, 2022, 01:45:18 pm
As someone who can burn water... anyone who can cook, well, anything... I'm super jealous of. :P :-*

Let's just say the guys at the local takeout places have me on their Christmas card lists. Not even kidding lol.

As an aside, though... I tried a burger once made from that beyond meat stuff. For me, the name was accurate, but not necessarily in a good way. I dunno. Maybe I just got a bad one, but it tasted... weird. I guess it's what you're used to. :) You'd probably need a whip, handcuffs, and a degree in blackmail to stop me being a carnivore.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 21, 2022, 10:49:55 pm
As someone who can burn water... anyone who can cook, well, anything... I'm super jealous of. :P :-*

Let's just say the guys at the local takeout places have me on their Christmas card lists. Not even kidding lol.

As an aside, though... I tried a burger once made from that beyond meat stuff. For me, the name was accurate, but not necessarily in a good way. I dunno. Maybe I just got a bad one, but it tasted... weird. I guess it's what you're used to. :) You'd probably need a whip, handcuffs, and a degree in blackmail to stop me being a carnivore.

Hahaha. I am with you on the carnivore thing. I’ve tried but it just was not meant to be. As far as beyond meat. I don’t like their burger as much as the impossible brand. But their breakfast sausage, the one in the tube that you have to form into patties yourself, taste so much like the real thing you would be surprised. But I will tell you right now. It is how it’s seasoned and how it’s cooked. Even the pros have trouble cooking the vegan burgers. It’s not the same as real meat. So you can’t really treat it that way.

But anyway, the reason why I even know how to cook vegan is my wife. So I either cook 2 different dinners most of the time or I make the vegan stuff taste good. But I still will not give up the meats. My wife could burn water as well before me. Lol. I have helped my wife cook a few things and she has cooked a few things on her own. And a couple times it was good enough for seconds. She is coming along. I mean there has been a couple of really good dishes made by her. Without my help.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 22, 2022, 10:58:25 pm
Boobs are heavy. They are really bugging me tonight. Don t know why. But tonight they are.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: ImAllie on April 22, 2022, 11:21:44 pm
Hahaha. I am with you on the carnivore thing. I’ve tried but it just was not meant to be. As far as beyond meat. I don’t like their burger as much as the impossible brand. But their breakfast sausage, the one in the tube that you have to form into patties yourself, taste so much like the real thing you would be surprised. But I will tell you right now. It is how it’s seasoned and how it’s cooked. Even the pros have trouble cooking the vegan burgers. It’s not the same as real meat. So you can’t really treat it that way.

But anyway, the reason why I even know how to cook vegan is my wife. So I either cook 2 different dinners most of the time or I make the vegan stuff taste good. But I still will not give up the meats. My wife could burn water as well before me. Lol. I have helped my wife cook a few things and she has cooked a few things on her own. And a couple times it was good enough for seconds. She is coming along. I mean there has been a couple of really good dishes made by her. Without my help.

It’s funny - I love a good vegan dish. I love creating vegan recipes (I just yesterday came up with these vegan whole wheat buns which came out really good) and ordering it at restaurants.  But only when it’s vegetable-based. These faux-meat things are really a bridge too far for me. I suppose if I were vegan and couldn’t eat meat I’d have to try them? But since I’m not? Hard pass. 😂
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on April 23, 2022, 03:05:47 am
As much as I like meat a good mixed veg curry can be very nice , sag aloo , gobi aloo with a roti is very tasty. (translation , spinach and potato, cauliflower and potato and a chapati all home made)
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 24, 2022, 12:32:35 pm
It’s weird, 6 months ago if you asked me that if I could only have one surgery what would I choose. And hands down I would have said the FFS.

But now I would choose the lower surgery. The important one.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on April 24, 2022, 01:01:16 pm
Hi Nora Kay,

My guess is symmetry.  Now you want your bottom to match your top.  You don't want to be top heavy.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 24, 2022, 05:19:53 pm
Ugh! Just stubbed my toe again. That’s one thing I keep doing. Guess I should wear shoes more often. Lol. Last time I broke my pinky toe and it is only now feeling ok in shoes and under the covers. We have a weighted blanket on our bed and when I broke the pinky toe I could not go under the covers. It was the highest weight we could get. Lol.

Well I am kind of doing the same thing last time I started to transition. I am dragging my feet. I am not making any serious moves towards transitioning like I should be. Last time I was 2 years in and I was getting my nails done regularly at a Solon and getting electrolosis on my neck. Went a little to high on my face and my wife thru a conniption fit. We have since talked about about that and I am pretty sure she knows this time fir sure it’s all coming off. Just have not gotten around to starting it yet.

So I am 4 months in and all I have done is buy shoes and clothes. That includes bras that this time I have to wear. I need the support being that I am a full C-cup now. I have done research on procedure and contacted a few people about procedures. Decided where I probably will get things done but have not scheduled anything yet.

Although it may be a blessing in disguise. The fact that I am moving real slow. It allows my wife to be used to something before I move on. I mean right now I can wear what ever I want around the house in front of my wife and she is cool with it. Compliments me and everything. Calls me a skinny B. All in fun. It is kind of awesome when you think about it. She wore a pair of shorts I have worn before and in fun got fake mad and said I looked better in them. I told her they look really good on her. But she said even if that’s true. Which it was, they still looked better on me. Lol. Make a girl feel good. Funny I am still not comfortable presenting more female in front of her. But I am working on that. I mean I’ll put on a skirt and of course she’s cool with it. But it’s still hard for me. I’m getting better. I am pretty sure I could wear anything while out with her. I have been out with her in just a tshirt and a pair of capris with no way to hide my breasts. She’s cool with that.

I loved to shop online. I am over it now but some things you just can’t pass up. Like the size 12 yellow sketchers I bought. She gets mad and says we need no more stuff coming into this house. I say I could not pass it up or it’s stereo parts. Especially when it’s ruger 10/22 parts. I just hope I can intercept the next 2 clothing purchases I made wear she don’t see them. I am pretty good at hiding the stuff I buy. I wish I did not have to. And the clothing helps me with my transition and makes me feel good to get clothes in the proper gender. I don’t buy any more male clothing and am selling all my old male and fat clothing. Thing is I usually let her see everything I get. And have given her permission to open any package I receive. But she has got on this down sizing kick and it’s getting to me a little. And I have more important things to be dealing with.

So I told you that I have gotten word from my insurance and all I needed to do is talk on the phone once and the rest can be they text or email. So…… still have not talked to Liz my Nurces/Case Manger in the phone. Been plying phone tag. I have tried to call twice. I know I need to try more and I will. I am getting to the point where I need to act. Not doing anything is starting to get to me. As soon as I verify what covered I will work on getting things done.

So tonight I will mention that I would like to get my nails done and see what she says. I’ve been putting it off because we are going on vacay with her sister and bro in law and I was worried about them noticing. I can no longer worry what other people think, even if they are in her family and it might make her uncomfortable. I need to start being more me. After I get my nails done I may get my brows done. Then my lashes. Filler in my lips. All will getting some hair removal going on my face. All that I just listed, I will be getting done covered or not. It’s the major things I need to see what’s covered. I want to get my transition done before my wife retires.

Omg did I just ramble on or what. Lol.

I could have said wifey seems more accepting that others. Presenting female in front of my wife is more a problem for me than her. And I need to do more towards my transition. I need to buck up and getter done.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 24, 2022, 08:59:57 pm
My emotions are just up and down today for no reason. I am super depressed as I write this. I don’t know why. Feel like I want to cry. But can’t.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on April 24, 2022, 09:05:56 pm
Hi Nora Kay,

Sorry to hear that you are super depressed.  Maybe there is just too much on you plate right now.

I find it helps to make a list of stuff and just doing what I can each day to whittle it down.
I live in my own house so there is a lot of stuff to do all the time.

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 25, 2022, 06:54:54 pm
Hi Nora Kay,

Sorry to hear that you are super depressed.  Maybe there is just too much on you plate right now.

I find it helps to make a list of stuff and just doing what I can each day to whittle it down.
I live in my own house so there is a lot of stuff to do all the time.

Marion

Thank you Marion.
You always bring a smile to my face when you respond.
Nora Kay
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 25, 2022, 07:41:06 pm
I know my problem.
Its simple.
I have to start making Progress and I am not
HRT for 4+ months and that it. Just on HRT.

I used to have a hard time telling my wife when I am depressed. Now I do and she asks what she can do, gives me hugs and ETC.
I know this is hard for her so I think I don't move forward because of that. Even though I know she will not abandon me or kick me out of the house. I think its about time to start the little things and move forward from there.

Lets just see If I can get myself out to get my nails done and then on to the next thing. I am sure once I get started and get the acceptance from my wife it will get easier for me. Any time I do something, she will ask if it makes me happy. And then says all she wants is me happy, I am lucky she wants me happy. Transitioning makes me happy and she knows this.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 26, 2022, 03:03:23 pm
I don't know what to call it. But it makes me feel good. When I go out in just a t shirt(Of course shorts a bra and camisole), But nothing oversized to hide my breasts and I get talked to normal. Still male mode by the way. Today I saw my good friend, my ex-mail Lady and current dog sitter at the liquor store and talked to her for a while. She is a crusader for our 4 legged family members.

Well she just talked to me as normal. Even though that makes me feel good, I personally would not mind if someone said whats up with the boobs. lol. Maybe I will get a t-shirt that says "are you looking at my Boobs?" Or a shirt that says "Just ask your Question already!!"Lol its getting too hot to hide them.
Title: At the Nail Salon
Post by: Nora Kay on April 26, 2022, 05:56:20 pm
Ok decided to drive by the nail salon. Totally did not think I would go in but I did. So getting a mani and pedi with white gel toes and French manicure. Both with Matte top coat. I’ll post pics when I get home.
Title: Re: At the Nail Salon
Post by: Nora Kay on April 26, 2022, 06:24:03 pm
Ok decided to drive by the nail salon. Totally did not think I would go in but I did. So getting a mani and pedi with white gel toes and French manicure. Both with Matte top coat. I’ll post pics when I get home.

Just text my wife what I was doing and where I was and she said “ Ok good. Enjoy!”
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 26, 2022, 07:10:06 pm
My toes (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220427/1c9bf3febb50f163f8bfd5141bb6e722.jpg)


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 26, 2022, 07:11:25 pm
My big A hand. Lol(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220427/131439a0ff78dddcdbe8a8e08f7bfa80.jpg)


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: ImAllie on April 27, 2022, 01:25:23 am
Hi Nora Kay!

First of all, how amazing your wife sounds! That level of love and support… wow!

Secondly, your nails look fantastic! I hope you found the experience to be as wonderful as the results turned out to be!!!

And lastly … I’ll leave you with this - you said you met with your “ex-mail lady” today and had a nice chat.   That’s great. Perhaps when she got home she, ironically, said the exact same thing? (Couldn’t resist- sorry!!!) 🤣😘

Hope with a good night sleep tomorrow brings a new day and more joy in your life!!

Love,
Allie
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on April 27, 2022, 03:13:16 am
Big hands ? my mum has almost the same size as me , only very slightly smaller . In fact I wear one of her old rings , mind you she had trouble getting rings big enough !
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 27, 2022, 05:56:30 pm
Hi Nora Kay!

First of all, how amazing your wife sounds! That level of love and support… wow!

Secondly, your nails look fantastic! I hope you found the experience to be as wonderful as the results turned out to be!!!

And lastly … I’ll leave you with this - you said you met with your “ex-mail lady” today and had a nice chat.   That’s great. Perhaps when she got home she, ironically, said the exact same thing? (Couldn’t resist- sorry!!!) 🤣😘

Hope with a good night sleep tomorrow brings a new day and more joy in your life!!

Love,
Allie

Thank you Allie! I can only hope my wife’s support continues as I do more towards my transition. I am hoping to start seriously removing hair in my face soon. Last time she had a problem.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 27, 2022, 06:06:23 pm
Now I found a PDF online for coverage of gender reassignment services for my insurance company. I thought it was generic for my insurance company but it was from a different companies coverage page with the same insurer. So I just sent and email to my nurse/case manger asking if my PPO covers what the other companies PPO does. Fingers crossed. Because that PDF says…….


Your coverage includes medically necessary services including, but not limited to:
• Medical
• Lab
• GRS (gender reassignment surgery), including breast augmentation and mastectomy
• Hormone therapy
• Hair removal (electrolysis/laser)
• Non-genital, non-breast surgical interventions for female-to-male:
- Liposuction and lipofilling
- Pectoral implants and other aesthetic procedures
• Non-genital, non-breast surgical interventions for male-to-female:
- Facial feminization surgery
- Liposuction and lipofilling
- Voice surgery and thyroid cartilage reduction
- Gluteal augmentation
- Hair reconstruction and other aesthetic procedures
• Voice and communication therapy to develop verbal and non-verbal communication skills
You and your doctors can review Aetna’s coverage policy for gender reassignment surgery and the WPATH Standards of Care document as a guide to covered services. You can also check with your case manager if you have questions about what’s covered. 

And if my PPO covers the same I will be in a good situation. It’s only 80% out of net work. Some is  as low as 70% and some high as 90% in network.

I can’t be this lucky.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 27, 2022, 06:21:24 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:

YES INDEED.... Fingers Crossed.

The coverage that you posted looks very good... 
I trust that your nurse/case manger agrees to underwrite
what is described in your posting/PDF

I do have my fingers and toes "crossed" for you...
Thank you for sharing and posting... please keep me and the rest
of your avid followers updated with all of this.

HUGS and best wishes to you as you continue on in your journey.
Danielle
Title: New profile pic
Post by: Nora Kay on April 28, 2022, 01:20:10 pm
Ok I should have stayed off of FaceApp. My profile pic is what FaceApp did to my senior yearbook picture. Now my expectations will be too high. Lol
Title: Re: New profile pic
Post by: Sephirah on April 28, 2022, 01:56:27 pm
Ok I should have stayed off of FaceApp. My profile pic is what FaceApp did to my senior yearbook picture. Now my expectations will be too high. Lol

Lol, senior yearbook picture? Yeeeeeah... I remember school pictures. Back before life hits us in any real way. I always avoided them. :P

FWIW... that's a very pretty picture :) But I'm sure you're far more beautiful.
Title: Re: New profile pic
Post by: Nora Kay on April 28, 2022, 02:22:02 pm
Lol, senior yearbook picture? Yeeeeeah... I remember school pictures. Back before life hits us in any real way. I always avoided them. :P

FWIW... that's a very pretty picture :) But I'm sure you're far more beautiful.
What a sweetie you are. I do like that picture now. But like you, I avoided pictures like the plague. I still avoid pictures as much as possible. My wife is always sending me pics of her and me from vacations we have taken. I hate it. One day I will let her know. Or as I change into the person that I am more comfortable as, I will just watch the progression thru her eyes.
Title: Re: New profile pic
Post by: Sephirah on April 28, 2022, 02:50:55 pm
Or as I change into the person that I am more comfortable as, I will just watch the progression thru her eyes.

Watch it through your own eyes, Nora. I've been reading through a lot of your posts. You've come a long way, sweetie. A very long way. I am very proud of you. Just be who you are, okay? Because you're actually beautiful. Outside of pictures, or what may or may not be. Just who you are. You've grown, and realised a lot of things about yourself. Things that take some folks a lifetime.

Everything which comes now is icing on the cake. You've done a lot of the hard part already. Massive respect, sweetie. *giant hugs*
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 28, 2022, 07:18:04 pm
Watch it through your own eyes, Nora. I've been reading through a lot of your posts. You've come a long way, sweetie. A very long way. I am very proud of you. Just be who you are, okay? Because you're actually beautiful. Outside of pictures, or what may or may not be. Just who you are. You've grown, and realised a lot of things about yourself. Things that take some folks a lifetime.

Everything which comes now is icing on the cake. You've done a lot of the hard part already. Massive respect, sweetie. *giant hugs*
It means a lot coming from you. And thank you. I guess I have come a long way and have learned a lot. Still have some to learn. But having gone thru a little, hopefully some of my experiences will help others. Because if I can do this anybody can. Just have to listen a lot. Learn from mistakes and apply all I learned to the next day. Then just do it over again.

Much love!
Nora Kay


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Jessica_Rose on April 28, 2022, 07:27:28 pm
...Because if I can do this anybody can.

Much love!
Nora Kay

When I first started I thought it would be impossible, but then I thought about all the people on these forums who transitioned. Were all of them somehow better than me? Stronger? More determined? Maybe some of them, but not all of them. I figured if they could so it, so could I.

You've got this Nora Kay, and we've got your back.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 28, 2022, 07:52:20 pm
When I first started I thought it would be impossible, but then I thought about all the people on these forums who transitioned. Were all of them somehow better than me? Stronger? More determined? Maybe some of them, but not all of them. I figured if they could so it, so could I.

You've got this Nora Kay, and we've got your back.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Thank you so much Miss Jessica Rose. I appreciate all the love I receive her at Susan’s. If it was not for all of you guys I would not be here doing this. I pull my strength from the wise words I receive here. And can only hope I pass on my knowledge I have received to others who need it when I can.

Much Love 💕
Nora Kay
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 28, 2022, 08:43:00 pm
Omg! I almost forgot. I asked my Endo if she knew of a good trans friendly primary care doctor. Because I don’t feel comfortable with my current doctor and where I am at hormone wise I would feel more comfortable with a different primary. I asked for at least as close as she is but she does not know of any closer. But the good news is that she is bringing a primary care doctor into her practice. So that means my 2 important doctors under one roof. Hooray!! Happy dance, Happy dance!! 💕
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 28, 2022, 09:32:38 pm
Well no matter what some people think. FaceApp is kind of accurate. I had to take it down as my profile pic. So if you missed it I am sorry.  It was starting to freak me out. It looks so much like my picture but is not me. It was weirding me out a little every time I looked at it. Don’t get me wrong I like it. But just don’t want to see it every time I log on. If you are curious and ask nice I’ll send it to you. But for now it’s down. Like I said in another post even when I look better than that pic I may still never post a real pic of me. It’s just how I am.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 28, 2022, 09:41:06 pm
Ooh! Ooh!
I almost forgot. My case manger/nurse got back to me today. She asked for my member id# and my DOB. And also asked me when I preferred to go by. She seems real sweet and said she will be  checking on my questions. Which was basically what’s covered and how do I get things covered. Told her first thing I want is electrolysis and hair restoration. Plus wanted to know what surgeries are covered because I need to plan for those with a 6 month to a year advance planning. I expect nothing is covered and hope everything is. Lol. So when I know. You will know.

Much love 💕
Nora Kay 
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 29, 2022, 04:21:17 pm
Now that my Nurse/Case manager from my insurance has gotten back to me I am finding new confidence even though I have not started anything yet. Feels Good. I feel more like the woman I was born to be. If that sounds right. I don't. know how else to put it.

Can somebody just tell me to call an electrologist already. LOL I research and research and then do more research. I had it down to one then I came across another that looks just as good and about the same distance. Just in a different direction. I wont even think about makeup until I start and have it to wear my face is clear for the first time. Knowing the phases of hair growth I want to have that first clear before I start experimenting with make up. This may change in the future because the want to experiment is getting more by the day. But I also think it will be better to have a lot of facial done before FFS

So I jammed our Jam proof Paper shredder and had to order a new one. I broke a few teeth in the old one and now it just chunk up and I have to clear it. It lasted 4 years so I guess that's good.

So I am trying to down size us. I am selling Anything we don't need on eBay while trying to get my business off the ground while I do everything else around the house. I love my wife but she does not help as much as she thinks she does. I think as far as my business goes I am going to stop selling air rifles. I am an Authorized Umarex Dealer. And will probably get out of selling the 1/6 scale exact replicas of arcade video games. I am an authorized replicade dealer as well. And will probably concentrate on bigger sized shoes and clothing for girls like us that dont have small feet like some of the cis women. I will be a T.U.K. shoes dealer soon and may reopen my Pleaserusa account,As well as my ellie shoes account. I am a P O L clothing distributor as well as a Buckle down and and leggings wholesale distributor. I am looking for a manufacturer to make some larger sizes like up to women's 16 but it is hard right now. you have to buy a certain amount upfront and I am not there yet.

But the fun thing about eBay is blowing my wife's mind with what I sell eBay. I sell stuff she would have thrown away. Today sold a Dock for the original iPhone, a queen book of Pictures and a Umarex Glock 17 magazine.

I had these Ticket order Flyers for the old riverside intentional speedway. Just a trifold mailer that you would send in to order tickets to the races. My wife said just paper she would have thrown away Sold 8 of them for 25 each, lol.

Also I have so much used inventory I cant buy anything new until I get rid of some more stuff. But this is how I will finance what my wife wont pay for. or at least part of it.

I am just rambling whats on my mind. helps me clear it and concentrate on what I need to do.

Just wish I looked a little more like I feel. I am praying my case manager comes back and says hair replacement and electrolysis paid for and maybe FFS. Hey if People that work for Adobe have those benefits, I am hoping a progressive company like my wife's will have those benefits.

Well if any of this makes any sense. LOL
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Jessica_Rose on April 29, 2022, 05:19:18 pm
When I started electrolysis I was getting 2 hours per week. I figured I would be done in 6 - 8 months. It's OK to laugh. My estimate was off a little. For some people, like me, electrolysis takes a very long time. My electrologist works reasonably fast, but the first clearing probably took 40 - 60 hours. I started electrolysis about 1 year before I went full time, and I was still getting 2 hours of facial electrolysis every week after going full time. It's been over five years since I started regular electrolysis sessions. I've lost count of the total hours involved. I wore out my first electrologist (she retired), and I still see an electrologist on a regular basis. However there is some good news, I haven't shaved in at least six months.

Don't delay electrolysis -- start yesterday.

It is amazing what you call sell on eBay sometimes. About 18 months ago I was going to donate some old software to Goodwill, until I did an eBay search. I had an unopened 'Orange Box' copy of 'Half-Life' for PC. It sold it for over $2000. Some people will buy anything...

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on April 29, 2022, 05:25:36 pm
But the fun thing about eBay is blowing my wife's mind with what I sell eBay. I sell stuff she would have thrown away. Today sold a Dock for the original iPhone, a queen book of Pictures and a Umarex Glock 17 magazine.

I had these Ticket order Flyers for the old riverside intentional speedway. Just a trifold mailer that you would send in to order tickets to the races. My wife said just paper she would have thrown away Sold 8 of them for 25 each, lol.

Lol I think I would be a lot like your wife. I would just toss stuff. I have probably thousands worth of junk squirreled away that people would probably buy but I just can't be bothered to try and sell it. I'd be like "Yeah, that's going to the scrapheap!"

It's kind of cool that you do that, Nora. People really will buy anything, I guess. And it's all money in the bank! Kudos. :)
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 29, 2022, 05:40:02 pm
When I started electrolysis I was getting 2 hours per week. I figured I would be done in 6 - 8 months. It's OK to laugh. My estimate was off a little. For some people, like me, electrolysis takes a very long time. My electrologist works reasonably fast, but the first clearing probably took 40 - 60 hours. I started electrolysis about 1 year before I went full time, and I was still getting 2 hours of facial electrolysis every week after going full time. It's been over five years since I started regular electrolysis sessions. I've lost count of the total hours involved. I wore out my first electrologist (she retired), and I still see an electrologist on a regular basis. However there is some good news, I haven't shaved in at least six months.

Don't delay electrolysis -- start yesterday.

It is amazing what you call sell on eBay sometimes. About 18 months ago I was going to donate some old software to Goodwill, until I did an eBay search. I had an unopened 'Orange Box' copy of 'Half-Life' for PC. It sold it for over $2000. Some people will buy anything...

Love always -- Jessica Rose
I love hearing from you Jessica,
You always bring a smile to my face! Ok, Ok, Ok i am getting a hold of her today. I decided on the one in Murrieta,  whether she gets back to me today is another story. I have been trying to get a hold of the one 10 minutes away from me, but no dice. So its the one 38 minutes away. I am going to commit to this big time. If some of this is covered thru insurance I will go 3 times a week for 3 hours each time. Seems like a lot. If not I may go twice a week. Depends if I can get a commitment discount or not. And on my sales. Last time I started, the one I used gave me a discount for committing to like 10 appointments.

Ha eBay. I always recommend an eBay search before getting rid of anything. lol They may charge to much on their fees but if your just going to give or throw it away that doesn't matter.

Much Love!
Nora Kay
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 29, 2022, 06:26:30 pm
Lol I think I would be a lot like your wife. I would just toss stuff. I have probably thousands worth of junk squirreled away that people would probably buy but I just can't be bothered to try and sell it. I'd be like "Yeah, that's going to the scrapheap!"

It's kind of cool that you do that, Nora. People really will buy anything, I guess. And it's all money in the bank! Kudos. :)

Why thank you my dear Sephirah,
I am amazed I am still above water with the items I purchased to sell. Its probably because of the junk i sell. My 90 day sales amount is pretty decent. Have over double what my 90 day sales is listed on eBay. But that's only if they sell at full price and 95% of it I list OBO. And I have a lot in purchased inventory left. About the same amount on credit that I pay on monthly and probably another triple all that is used stuff. Because of my wife's Queen collection I know once I sell I will have enough for FFS if I have to pay. She lets me keep those sales. I only list an average of 4-5 items a day. But I do know If I sold all the new stuff at cost I would be a head. If I can get my website going, I would make more. And that does not even include the 130 clothing items I have listed on PoshMark.
I had all my numbers listed above but I took them out. Did not think it was the right place for it. But if anybody is interested I would be happy to help getting someone going with their own sales channels with advice or finding items to sell. If I was not so lazy my sales would probably be triple. lol But I am feeling so good lately and have been working more on this. Because my wife balked at the price to get my teeth done so I am hoping insurance covers the Transgender things so I can concentrate on making the money for my teeth. My teeth will be the most expensive thing I do. Easily double what all the other surgeries would cost. Ouch.

I am so grateful for all of you who put up with me. I can be hard to handle at times. But I am definitely worth it. ;D

Much Love!!!
Nora Kay
Title: Woot! Woot! Electrologist!!!!
Post by: Nora Kay on April 29, 2022, 06:39:40 pm
DOH! I just called the electrologist that is 10 minutes from me. I had to. She is so close. And so convenient!! She has good reviews on yelp. Even though she did not answer a message I tried to send on her website. So put on my big girl panties and I temporarily got over my phone anxiety and I called her. WOOT!! WOOT!  So Monday @10:45 I have an hour session to start. Since I have had it before.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Jessica_Rose on April 29, 2022, 08:26:09 pm
That's great news Nora Kay! Having an electrologist so close is awesome. I have a local electrologist about 30 minutes away, but there are some areas I'm not comfortable having him work on. I alternate between seeing him and driving 27 hours round-trip to see my electrologist in Colorado (Kris). I'm comfortable letting Kris work everywhere, and she is very thorough. I usually get in 7 - 8 hours of electrolysis over the course of 2 - 3 days when I visit her every six weeks. I occasionally fall asleep while she's working on me. Although the process can be quite uncomfortable, you do get used to it after a while. It still hurts, but you just don't care.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on April 29, 2022, 08:58:49 pm
That's great news Nora Kay! Having an electrologist so close is awesome. I have a local electrologist about 30 minutes away, but there are some areas I'm not comfortable having him work on. I alternate between seeing him and driving 27 hours round-trip to see my electrologist in Colorado (Kris). I'm comfortable letting Kris work everywhere, and she is very thorough. I usually get in 7 - 8 hours of electrolysis over the course of 2 - 3 days when I visit her every six weeks. I occasionally fall asleep while she's working on me. Although the process can be quite uncomfortable, you do get used to it after a while. It still hurts, but you just don't care.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I am excited. Just to think I almost chickened out calling her and opted for someone who would reply via email. 10 minutes away is awesome. Her website is down now. So it might not have been working before. She has already texted me the address. She seems sweet. Not sure if I should worry I got in on Monday so quick. I get electrolosis is something that eventually ends. But she asked if I wanted to come today. So I don’t think she is busy right now. There are a lot of electrolysist around me. Being in Southern California. I don’t know I worry about everything. Lol
Title: Hockey
Post by: Nora Kay on April 29, 2022, 09:27:47 pm
So watching my teams final game of the season. It’s the start of the 3rd period. We are tied. Our starting goalie got hurt in the first. Our backup hurt in the second. So the emergency backup goalie for the other team is now our goalie. I think we might lose this game. Lol
Title: Re: Hockey
Post by: Sephirah on April 30, 2022, 03:20:54 pm
So watching my teams final game of the season. It’s the start of the 3rd period. We are tied. Our starting goalie got hurt in the first. Our backup hurt in the second. So the emergency backup goalie for the other team is now our goalie. I think we might lose this game. Lol

I know nothing about sport, lol. So... which sport are you talking about? I'm gonna say... ice hockey? Just because of the word "Goalie" lol. And the term "period". Which we don't have in the UK, lol. Well I mean, we do, but it means something else entirely. :P ;D
Title: Re: Hockey
Post by: Nora Kay on April 30, 2022, 08:09:10 pm
I know nothing about sport, lol. So... which sport are you talking about? I'm gonna say... ice hockey? Just because of the word "Goalie" lol. And the term "period". Which we don't have in the UK, lol. Well I mean, we do, but it means something else entirely. :P ;D
Yup you got it. Hockey it is. And we did lose. Lol. But this year it was nothing new.

Title: Macaroni and cheese
Post by: Nora Kay on April 30, 2022, 08:19:59 pm
My wife thinks I am a good cook. I like what I cook so I agree with her. She wanted macaroni and cheese. I usually just cook by the seat of my pants. So I made kind of from scratch macaroni and cheese. It came out awesome. I don’t use recipes. And straight out of the box don’t cut it for me. So I took 2 boxes of Kraft Mac and cheese. Cook it. Drain it. Melt butter in it. Melt sour cream in it. Add the cheese powder. Add some milk. Mix. Make sure heat is still on it but low. Add some handfuls of grated cheese. Mix until melted in. Put in a casserole dish. Grated cheese on top. Bake 15 min. Pull out oven. Crush some garlic croutons on top spread evenly as possible. Another 15 min. Or until croutons brown.

Soooo yum.
Title: In a better place now
Post by: Nora Kay on April 30, 2022, 10:26:51 pm
Well I was pissed at myself today. I mean really pissed at myself. I found my old profile. And realized how far I would be if I just stuck with it. I mean I would have been on hrt for 5 years and 8 months if I would not have quit. But then I calm down and think at what expense? Back then my wife was no where close to as excepting as she is now. I’m not even sure how excepting she is now sometimes. I will find out as we move forward. But she is in a better place today than 3 years and 8 months ago. And insurance. No way insurance would have covered half of what I know they cover now and possibly may cover a lot more. So like most things it is perspective. You need to put things in perspective. If I stayed on HRT this whole time it may have been an extreme struggle and I may have not been much further than I am now. I may have lost my wife. I know I would not have been 100% able to focus on healing what needed to heal between now and then. I can walk now. I lost that ability back then. And I walk better now than I have in 20 years.

So I think you make be able to find my old profile. It’s in my buddy list. I was angry before I left. Lol. And if admin wants to merge it with my new one that would be fine. I am the same person lol. Just in a way better place now. May not seem like it sometimes. But I am.
Title: Re: In a better place now
Post by: ImAllie on May 01, 2022, 12:55:51 am
Well I was pissed at myself today. I mean really pissed at myself. I found my old profile. And realized how far I would be if I just stuck with it. I mean I would have been on hrt for 5 years and 8 months if I would not have quit. But then I calm down and think at what expense? Back then my wife was no where close to as excepting as she is now. I’m not even sure how excepting she is now sometimes. I will find out as we move forward. But she is in a better place today than 3 years and 8 months ago. And insurance. No way insurance would have covered half of what I know they cover now and possibly may cover a lot more. So like most things it is perspective. You need to put things in perspective. If I stayed on HRT this whole time it may have been an extreme struggle and I may have not been much further than I am now. I may have lost my wife. I know I would not have been 100% able to focus on healing what needed to heal between now and then. I can walk now. I lost that ability back then. And I walk better now than I have in 20 years.

So I think you make be able to find my old profile. It’s in my buddy list. I was angry before I left. Lol. And if admin wants to merge it with my new one that would be fine. I am the same person lol. Just in a way better place now. May not seem like it sometimes. But I am.

If you are comfortable with the person you are today (and I think I speak for a ton of people here in saying that you seem awesome!)… and I mean regardless of gender issues, I mean if you feel like you’re a good person and you have a idea of what you want and where you want to go in the future? Then everything you’ve done up to this point in your life has been part of the prologue. It’s been part of the building blocks for the beautiful person you are, and all that you will be in the future.  It’s not a race. You get to where you’re supposed to be when you’re supposed to be there!

Love,
Allie
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on May 01, 2022, 02:20:49 am
Go with the flow, things happen for a reason and at the correct time I find . If things had been different I would not have 3 wonderful children and 4 lovely grand kids (plus step grand kids !) . Let the life Karma happen and you will flourish.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 01, 2022, 02:13:14 pm
Go with the flow, things happen for a reason and at the correct time I find . If things had been different I would not have 3 wonderful children and 4 lovely grand kids (plus step grand kids !) . Let the life Karma happen and you will flourish.

I totally believe in good and bad karma. I have had my share of bad and that’s for sure. And I know it’s probably been deserved.  But sometimes when I see how blessed I am and good thing happen I often feel like I don’t deserve things to be as good as they are. But I am getting better with that.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 01, 2022, 08:17:30 pm
Ok the shirt I am wearing is a 2X, so it is loose. It hide my boobs a little. I put on a different color shirt the same size and I was like no way, I can’t wear this. So I put the shirt I am wearing now on. It’s a mens t-shirt. What I really want to be wearing shirt wise is a v neck tshirt. Maybe not low enough to show cleavage, but still I am not wanting to wear men’s tshirts anymore. I don’t know why I worry. Is a women’s tshirt a line my subconscious does not want to cross. But I will wear women’s jewelry paint my toes white and wear sandals. Get a French manicure. Wear a pair of capris with a definite feminine floral design on them. And I worry what shirt I am wearing.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on May 01, 2022, 08:48:38 pm
Hi Nora Kay

Would you wear a form fitting golf shirt?  It has collar so it is more formal than a tee shirt so I wore it to a garden club meeting today.  Along with a pair a shorts with a mid thigh hem and Nike shoes. 

Marion
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 01, 2022, 08:50:52 pm
Ok I am boob obsessed. Kind of hard to walk in my house and not walk by a mirror. And just now I looked at my chest and thought who am I kidding? There is no hiding them. And then the slight panic. What am I doing. I am not ready for this. But no way I want to wear a binder. Even wearing a correct size, not a smaller sized sport bra hurts too much after about an hour. Fudge. I just don’t know. I can’t go full time yet. I ain’t ready. Nope. Darn it. You get this far along and you don’t notice it Nora? What were you thinking? Now I’m talking to myself. I may have to have the talk with my wife. The one where I say I think it’s time. And she will be huh? What are you talking about. And I will be…… ummmm. I don’t know. Then she will strangle me and I will get out of it.  Lol. No seriously. How did I get further than I thought I was? How? How? HOW?!?
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 01, 2022, 08:52:46 pm
Hi Nora Kay

Would you wear a form fitting golf shirt?  It has collar so it is more formal than a tee shirt so I wore it to a garden club meeting today.  Along with a pair a shorts with a mid thigh hem and Nike shoes. 

Marion

Lol. I play golf. And have golf shirts. Lol I have these “men’s” super cute golf shorts with mini stars all over them. It would be such a cute outfit.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 02, 2022, 02:55:01 pm
So my hour with the electrolosist went well. Not much pain. This hour was on my neck. I think I’ll just start at the bottom and work my way up. I am sure once I get higher it will be more sensitive but I should be more used to it by then. Just waiting for the insurance to get back to me. How often I go depends on how much is covered. If it’s 70 or 80 percent covered I’ll probably go 3-4 times a week. Darn I am going to busy if my insurance comes thru. I am hoping for about a year from now to have GRS. I should have a lot of other stuff done by then. May even be full time before then. Just depends.

Oh and I just texted my wife I was going today. She was working and she texted me 👍. And has said nothing. My electrolosist will use Nora as my name. 😀
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 02, 2022, 05:30:44 pm
Usually when I go out I go places I’m comfortable with. Today I went somewhere new. And had slight anxiety. But when you act normal. Everybody else acts normal. I was wearing a button down shirt. They hide boobs better. Soon I shall get comfortable wearing a tighter fitting top then a women’s top. And then something that shows cleavage. Lol. Ya right. Well Maybe. He he
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on May 03, 2022, 02:58:41 am
Now that's the thing, just act normal with confidence and no one will notice even with the cleavage . Most folk are to busy with there own stuff to bother looking and shop assistants just want a sale . 
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 05, 2022, 07:20:38 pm
Hello my lovely’s. I am back. I just went through some stuff. And there were people that were in positions that should have seen the signs. Did not see those signs. And to top it off they just added to my turmoil. But with the love of my beautiful wife I was able to come back with a clearer head and an attitude better than than I had before. And now I know not to count on the people who made me feel worse in my time of need. And turn to the ones that helped. One person that really helped that was not my wife was Sephirah. One of the most beautiful people I know. She is smart and very sweet. But I am sure you all know that.

Peace ☮️ Out
Much Love 💕
Nora Kay
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Jessica_Rose on May 05, 2022, 07:35:22 pm
Welcome back @Nora Kay ! Glad to hear you are feeling better. I know how easy it can be to get into a downward spiral, but I'm not very good at recognizing it in others. I am also always amazed with Sephirah, she has such an amazing way with words and seems to understand how we feel. We are thankful to have her here.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 11:22:11 am
Welcome back @Nora Kay ! Glad to hear you are feeling better. I know how easy it can be to get into a downward spiral, but I'm not very good at recognizing it in others. I am also always amazed with Sephirah, she has such an amazing way with words and seems to understand how we feel. We are thankful to have her here.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Thank you Jessica. I love when you visit my blog.
Title: Caffeine and a little about me.
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 11:56:10 am
So I needed some caffeine and had to go to the store. The first thing I think of is hiding myself. But I don’t. I just don’t have time to worry about what others think anymore. I am the absolute same person I have always been. I love my dogs. I love my wife. And will give my life to defend theirs. I may not always offer to help but will always be there if asked. I like cars. I collect Guns. But really don’t have any ammo. I would actually have to look for it. Lol. I love NHL hockey. I like pink. Camo. And stars. The number 6. Oh and orange. All my rollaway toolboxes are orange. I like skirts and dresses over pants and shorts. My wife is the opposite. She is beautiful but she is more guy than me. Lol. But not even close in anyway to being a guy. I sell everything online. It’s how I have my own money to spend. I am on disability trying to get my own business off the ground. I have lost over 80lbs and my wife has lost over 70. I think I finally got my wife to quit smoking. That means no more temptation for me. I was in a horrendous accident when I was younger. I was in a coma for a couple weeks. Lost my brother in that accident. I have come to terms with it and can freely talk about it. My first date with my wife that I paid was to a hockey game. But I missed that date. She went without me. She took her sister and I paid for it. Ok let me explain. It was raining. I was on my way. I hydroplaned. Lost control. Gained control. Sliding to a stop. Truck turned sideways. Hit a rock. Flipped. Landed on its wheels. I could not get it out of the mud. Otherwise I would have driven it like that. I called my stepson. While sitting in his truck waiting for the tow truck. (Who got my truck out of the mud and drove it to his truck) I called my wife. Told her what happened. Emailed her the tickets. And told her to go. She is like. “I can’t do that.” I insisted. Told her to take her sister. And when her and her sister got there I get a text. “Oh these are good seats”. I only hurt my side and pride. On the way home got a six pack and watched the game on tv. My wife and her sister had an awesome time. That helped win over her sister a little.

I don’t know why I just wrote all that. I am sure it’s not a complete picture of me but now you know a little about me. And I am giving nothing up to be the woman I am supposed to be. I like who I am. Just changing the gender. Not my likes.

Went shopping with my wife last night. Stay tuned for that.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 12:25:09 pm
Ok, I’ll start this while waiting for my sausage to cook in the microwave. Wife is at work in the den. Long commute. Lol.

So my wife wanted another pair of pants. For her upcoming trip. We went to this store that sells left overs from Costco. It’s stuff they could not sell. A lot of the clothes are small and extra small. But every once in a while you find a xl or an xxl. She could not find any like the ones she got before. But I found 2 xxl women’s tops. One had stars on it and one was camo. I asked her if I could get them and she let me get them.

The thing is, this like other shopping trips she migrates to the men’s clothing that I used to like. Shows me things. I roll my eyes. It’s rather annoying. I want to blurt out. No! I don’t get men’s clothing anymore. But I use the more subtle way of just shopping for women’s clothing and asking if I can get things. This is the first time I have ever bought a women’s article of clothing while with my wife and her not get a thing for herself. It’s always been with her getting something. Last time I noticed she was not getting anything for herself and put my stuff back. So ya. That felt good. But her looking at men’s clothing makes me wonder sometimes just how accepting she actually is. I know my desires and plans are out in the open. But sometimes she does not really hear things she does not like. So it just makes me wonder. I know I am going to have to have more discussions with her. But when she has no problem with me dressing like I do while we go out I don’t want to put bumps in the road that don’t need to be there.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Jessica_Rose on May 06, 2022, 12:33:29 pm
Nora, notes like that help bring us closer together. Providing small, but intimate details of our past helps make us more of a community, even a family. Sure, we can argue who is the best sports team, who makes the best cars, or which eyeliner is best, but we still support each other.

Sorry to hear that you lost a bother so long ago, I lost one of mine about three years ago. Congrats to both you and your wife on the weight loss!

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 06, 2022, 12:44:27 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
It was great to read your last couple postings regarding your "Likes" and "Dislikes" and going out and about as yourself not worrying if others see you and not caring what they think!!  It will get easier every time you go out.

You mentioned that you are trying to get your own business "off the ground" ... without divulging privacy details, what kind of business are you involved in.   
It is no secret that I am a CPA and run my own financial advising woman owned business.   I have been full time since December 2016 and have found just about total acceptance from my clients and my friends

It sure is nice to read that your wife assists you in selecting and purchasing women's clothing with you and for you....  and yes, you do not want any "bumps in the road" when it comes to dealing with your wife's acceptance of your transition plans... so slow and careful is a good plan in my opinion.

I also have several guns, even a small "pink" pocket pistol (.380)
Here where I live we have a lot of dangerous wild life, including the 2 legged kind.

My tool boxes in my garage and in my truck are PINK !!!! ... and I have other tool boxes in all kinds of colors, black, blue, red, etc.  I love tools and do a lot of my own mechanic and home repairs.

Congratulations on you and your wife's dramatic weight loss... now the trick is to keep the weight off. 
I wish you and your wife well in that regard.

Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share your life endeavors here on your Blog thread.
I, and the rest of your avid followers, are rooting for you in your transition journey.
We your biggest fans and we are always wishing you success and happiness

Again, thank you for sharing and posting... I will be eagerly looking for your future posts on your Blog and around the various topic areas of the Forums.

Warm wishes to you,
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 12:45:13 pm
Nora, notes like that help bring us closer together. Providing small, but intimate details of our past helps make us more of a community, even a family. Sure, we can argue who is the best sports team, who makes the best cars, or which eyeliner is best, but we still support each other.

Sorry to hear that you lost a bother so long ago, I lost one of mine about three years ago. Congrats to both you and your wife on the weight loss!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Thank you Jessica. I appreciate it. I am sorry about your brother. It took many years for me to get where I am with my loss. Partially because I was driving. But here we are today. Living our lives the way our loved ones definitely would have wanted us to. I think even the ones who would not have or don’t accept, deep down want what’s best for us. The just don’t realize what’s best for us yet. A lot of people may come around once they see the happier us. A lot when I ask my wife about doing or getting something she will ask if it makes me happy. If I say yes. She tells me then there is your answer. She is a good woman.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 01:08:47 pm
Ok Danielle, I am so jelly about the pink boxes. My main roll away is pretty big. No way to find or afford that in pink. Pink in tools and tool boxes cost more. My other 2 matching lower rollalways are the sides to my butcher block top that is my desk. I actually found some orange cabinets I am going to finish my garage in if I can talk my wife into it. And as it turns out I think I need a CPA. I went thru some seriously bad depression during the lock downs and let some stuff slide. When I restarted here. I was still very depressed but have been working my way out of it. As you have probably noticed. I still have some very bad days. But I am getting to the happier me. Little by little.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 02:41:06 pm
Trigger warning ⚠️ Taking about my addictions. Ugh! I hate it!! If you have read my whole blog you may know I have chronic pain. The amount goes up and down. I have had surgeries to repair parts of my body. But I deal with back pain. The mm my 2 discs were or are herniated are so high it made one doctor question how I am still walking. Lol. If you are like me you may get this part of it. I am on pain meds. The amount has actually gone down over the years. It’s a struggle at times. But I think I may win this battle too. But for now just getting this out. Will help. When I do not take my pain pill on schedule I start going thru withdrawals. It sucks. Sometimes I am hours before I realize that I am going thru withdrawals. You see your body or brain needs more of the drug to feel normal. And it’s a fight to be normal and stay on the same dose. But I can do it. My goal is to get off this pain pill but I am not going into a clinic everyday to get one drug to replace another. I am good at staying on the doctor recommend dosage. Once I get in the right place. I will start cutting my pills in half to ween myself off. The problem is the pain. It’s definitely there. But you body and brain does things to make you think you need it. Your brain wants it, so it gives you pain that you don’t really have so you will take it. Now to be able to differentiate between the two is the trick. I have gone cold turkey before but I do not recommend it. Cold turkey is dangerous. So please do not try it without help from your doctor. And I had some real pain about a year later that started the cycle all over again.

Well since we are talking about addiction. Let’s get into it a little. If you read my post above. Smoking is the last thing I kicked. So hard to do it while someone else in the house still does it. Got her to quit so we are done.

I get addicted fast. Which makes it weird I was never into alcohol. But about 20 or more years ago my addiction was speed. How did it start. My girlfriend at the time said she would get back to get her if we tried it. In the end sold everything for it. Then one day we woke up. Could not get it for a week and really woke up and just walked away. No cravings for me. Never. Even hung out with people who were still doing it in front of me. No affect on me except that’s all they wanted to do and we were ready to live life again.

Addiction sucks. Just know you are not alone. If you need help get it. And I am always here and understand. My notifications are on and will reply if you need me.

So now my addiction is caffeine. A lot of it. I am trying to drink less. But not sure if I can let that one go. Caffeine might even be harder than pain pills. I thought smoking would be the last to go. But it’s caffeine. Lol.

Not even sure if this topic is allowed here in my blog. But I t’s me. I’m not ashamed of my past. It made me who I am today. if it helps one person, It’s worth talking about. But hiding it in a different section won’t help anybody. Topics like this happen to find the ones who need it by chance. Most won’t go looking for it. Please keep that in mind before you move it.

Peace ☮️ Out
Much Love 💕
Nora Kay
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 06, 2022, 03:03:51 pm
Trigger warning ⚠️ Taking about my addictions. Ugh! I hate it!! If you have read my whole blog you may know I have chronic pain. The amount goes up and down. I have had surgeries to repair parts of my body. But I deal with back pain. The mm my 2 discs were or are herniated are so high it made one doctor question how I am still walking. Lol. If you are like me you may get this part of it. I am on pain meds. The amount has actually gone down over the years. It’s a struggle at times. But I think I may win this battle too. But for now just getting this out. Will help. When I do not take my pain pill on schedule I start going thru withdrawals. It sucks. Sometimes I am hours before I realize that I am going thru withdrawals. You see your body or brain needs more of the drug to feel normal. And it’s a fight to be normal and stay on the same dose. But I can do it. My goal is to get off this pain pill but I am not going into a clinic everyday to get one drug to replace another. I am good at staying on the doctor recommend dosage. Once I get in the right place. I will start cutting my pills in half to ween myself off. The problem is the pain. It’s definitely there. But you body and brain does things to make you think you need it. Your brain wants it, so it gives you pain that you don’t really have so you will take it. Now to be able to differentiate between the two is the trick. I have gone cold turkey before but I do not recommend it. Cold turkey is dangerous. So please do not try it without help from your doctor. And I had some real pain about a year later that started the cycle all over again.

I can relate to this, Nora. My body is on the bad side of broken. By all accounts I shouldn't even be here. But I'm stubborn and believe that I can make other peoples' lives better by sticking around. Pain is something that takes on its own life, almost. It turns into an invisible adversary that you're constantly trying to battle. You're right, it's very easy to get addicted to something that makes you feel better. And your brain uses that against you by creating things that aren't there just to get you to go down that road.

I have hope that you can get to where you need to be, sweetie. I think we're alike in some ways. I am hopelessly addicted to coffee lol. If I don't have one when I wake up, I am actually a zombie. ;D

Also, I'm glad you came back. As I told you, I used to use different avatars a lot. People still here from way back in the day will attest to that lol. I even made some avatars for people here a long, long time ago. I don't really do that anymore but I think art is an expression of the soul... sometimes in a world where it's the only form of expression we have. And I kind of love your creativity. You remind me of me a long time ago. Don't change, okay? You're as beautiful as you say I am. I'm no one special. Just someone who cares about people is all.

*megahugs*

<3
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 03:20:36 pm
Omg. My converse came today. It’s an addiction. Cute converse. But at a reasonable price. Still waiting on my sketchers. Another scooooooorrrreeee!!! $20 for the converse and $25 for the sketchers. We know how high those 2 brands can go brand new. And as luck had it. Both those were new. If you like my taste or you you can show me yours. PM me your size and I will keep a look out. We all need cute shoes. I am size 12 or 12.5 depending on the brand. I can shove myself into an 11 but it’s tight. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220506/c16c12c464c13ebab80e178a0597b9b8.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220506/e3070db46be3187323b66be0204188fd.jpg)

Omg!!! Shoes!!! Lol.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 06, 2022, 03:31:28 pm
Love the pink ones.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 03:54:33 pm
Love the pink ones.
Scrolling thru I almost missed the design. Pink is great but the pattern makes them. And they are converse. And being tall as I am. I can still be cute.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 04:03:49 pm
So I had to go out and mail a sale I made. And my wife’s car was out of gas. So 2 stops. You just know when people are staring. The girl in the car next to me at the postal annex and the girl behind me in her car at the pumps. Not really emanating femininity. But it shows. Backwards baseball cap red lens oakleys. A little scruffy. Lake Tahoe tshirt Camo men’s shorts and pink sketcher sandals white painted toes. I am always in shorts and flip flops. I was in shorts and flip flops on my Alaskan cruise. Got pictures. No way I am coving up my pedicure because someone might see it. I still think about not going out or putting it off because of my anxiety about it. But it’s gets less and less every day. And I am one that if someone makes a comment I will ask them to repeat it. And I will have a good comeback.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 06, 2022, 05:06:23 pm
And being tall as I am. I can still be cute.

(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/1a/88/08/1a88084ceb10fa3aac485470b98a8ca1.jpg)

She is my idol. I think she's super cute. And she's 6'1" tall. Height has nothing to do with it. Just own who you are. :) That's all you need.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 05:13:45 pm
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/1a/88/08/1a88084ceb10fa3aac485470b98a8ca1.jpg)

She is my idol. I think she's super cute. And she's 6'1" tall. Height has nothing to do with it. Just own who you are. :) That's all you need.

I am getting there. The more I go out. The more confidence I get. I am trying to own it. Lol. I just quoted you in the sexuality forum. I post it just as this notification came up. Lol
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 06, 2022, 05:21:14 pm
I am getting there. The more I go out. The more confidence I get. I am trying to own it. Lol. I just quoted you in the sexuality forum. I post it just as this notification came up. Lol

I saw. :) Told you we're rather alike ;D I am subbed to Floor's Youtube channel. She is actually adorable. Not a word you'd normally use for a lead vocalist in a metal band lol. But she's honestly one of those people you can fall in love with just because of the way they are. On the flip side, Ryan Reynolds is the same. Which is kind of weird for me, lol. He isn't a relation, I don't think. But god I love his personality. He's the kind of person who would make me giggle without even trying. And that is a very precious thing.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 05:50:43 pm
I saw. :) Told you we're rather alike ;D I am subbed to Floor's Youtube channel. She is actually adorable. Not a word you'd normally use for a lead vocalist in a metal band lol. But she's honestly one of those people you can fall in love with just because of the way they are. On the flip side, Ryan Reynolds is the same. Which is kind of weird for me, lol. He isn't a relation, I don't think. But god I love his personality. He's the kind of person who would make me giggle without even trying. And that is a very precious thing.
Ok i am going to visit that YouTube channel. We will see how much we are alike. lol. And it would figure Ryan Reynolds I am pretty sure his personality is dead pools personality. The reason why It was soooo successful. Nobody, and I mean absolutely NOBODY could have made Deadpool as good as he did. One of my all time favorite movies. Pretty much anything he does I like. Kind of like Bruce Willis actor wise for me. I like anything Bruce is in. Even the flops that suck so bad they are good, because of him. When it comes to celebs I am really MEH I have had some of my favorite Hockey players stand next to me in the charity poker event and I just don't get excited. I don't go out of my way to meet celebs either. There is one Hockey Player And a few celebs I might go out of my way to see. Ryan is one. Maybe Mr Willis. And some actresses.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 05:55:40 pm
So today online I sold a Magazine for a Glock 17 Air pistol. Totally legal in California. And since I am all for saving the planet I reuse every bit of my used mailing and packing materials. And sent out that Magazine in the bag I received My IL Makiage in. If you dont Know IL MAKIAGE you should look it up. Good Stuff.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 06, 2022, 05:58:21 pm
I'll give you a taste of what Floor does. I apologise for this, because I am like a HUGE Nightwish fangirl. And tend to link stuff all the time, lol. But this is possibly my favourite song. I mean they kind of all are but this one... if you were to hold a gun to my head and say pick one... this would be it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwGSAFarHRg

Deadpool... lol I've watched both those movies more than I maybe should have. I recently watched Free Guy. He is a law unto himself. I love Bruce Willis too! I was sad to hear of his retirement due to his illness but he's definitely earned it.

Armageddon is possibly one of my favourite movies of all time. I kind of have a thing for apocalyptic disaster movies. Call it my morbid side, lol.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 06:29:40 pm
I have a new Pair of Havaianias Sandals
USA Size 11/12
EU size 43/44
Or 41-42
If anybody wants them PM Me for a Picture
And to arrange shipping
Ill ship for free if you want them.
My feet are too wide. I am size 12
They are flip flops with sides. You will see in the pic.
If you need them they are yours.
Upset they don't fit me. Pink where your foot sits and Pink Blue  Lavender on the side. I can send them direct or I can do a $1 auction on eBay.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 06:45:41 pm
I'll give you a taste of what Floor does. I apologise for this, because I am like a HUGE Nightwish fangirl. And tend to link stuff all the time, lol. But this is possibly my favourite song. I mean they kind of all are but this one... if you were to hold a gun to my head and say pick one... this would be it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwGSAFarHRg

Deadpool... lol I've watched both those movies more than I maybe should have. I recently watched Free Guy. He is a law unto himself. I love Bruce Willis too! I was sad to hear of his retirement due to his illness but he's definitely earned it.

Armageddon is possibly one of my favourite movies of all time. I kind of have a thing for apocalyptic disaster movies. Call it my morbid side, lol.

Ok I like it! They are really good. They totally remind me of Eveanessence One of my all time favorite bands.

I liked free guy it was great!! I had totally forgot about that movie. Its been a while so watching again should be good. I always forget most of a movie about 3 months in.

The morbid side of you? I watch all those types of movies too.  Lol.

 Lots of reruns and mostly for back ground noise when I am working but I watch Murder shows on 2 different channels. I probably have seen all of them on both channels multiple times. Criminals are just so stupid.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 07:10:11 pm
UGH!!! my garage/office is a freakin pig sty. I snapped, too much stuff and started throwing away stuff. And now its worse. Lol!! Trying to find all of my sons Playstation 2 stuff so I can sell that. its missing cords. Found Xbox games and an xbox but i think it does not work. No cords to check that one either. I have a Nintendo some where but have not found it yet. That should tell you how bad the space is. LOL I have new inventory and a bunch of Queen / Freddie mercury memorabilia that I am selling and I don't need the 2-6 dollar items in my way. But I hate donating or throwing away stuff I know will sell. Every dollar helps pay for thing related to my transition. Oh you need an original Freddie Mercury autograph oh I have those just sitting around lol. I am just rambling here. Trying to clear my mind. Me screaming!!!!! ok better. LOL

Now how can I help you. LOL
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 06, 2022, 07:16:23 pm
I really like my Cursed avatar i have up right now. It reminds me of me. lol I'm getting a wig just like that and a oversized hoodie even a little more than the ones I have now. I like hoodies you can wear like a dress. And then Ill have my wife take a pic of me in that pose with just the bottom of my face showing and a pretty matte fuchsia Lipstick. it will be cool. Ya?
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: TXSara on May 07, 2022, 10:32:33 am
Uh, YEAH... that would be pretty cool.

The best part is your wife taking part of you getting a new avatar picture and you rocking the new wig while feeling a little acceptance from her!

Very cool, indeed!

~Sara
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 07, 2022, 03:30:42 pm
I really like my Cursed avatar i have up right now. It reminds me of me. lol I'm getting a wig just like that and a oversized hoodie even a little more than the ones I have now. I like hoodies you can wear like a dress. And then Ill have my wife take a pic of me in that pose with just the bottom of my face showing and a pretty matte fuchsia Lipstick. it will be cool. Ya?

Can't say I picture you as a blonde, which I think is what that hair colour is in your avatar. But go for it!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 07, 2022, 07:53:08 pm
Can't say I picture you as a blonde, which I think is what that hair colour is in your avatar. But go for it!
Ya fine. Lol I’m not a blonde. You got me. But until the hair be fixed I can be. Lol


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 07, 2022, 09:45:29 pm
I’ve wanted to write so much today. Just having an off day. I’m not sick. But not 100%. Can’t put my finger on it. Withdrawal feelings every 4 hours like clockwork. But not even sure it’s withdrawals.  Most days it’s not like this. Brain not working. Making the wife cook. 😳. Lol she’s not that bad.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 07, 2022, 10:19:55 pm
So I just sold this album.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220508/606c0c6f4f4a6c11ba5f1b3d677161bb.jpg)


And in July I am going to this concert.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220508/675399456e1af629a7f69645c8dce38f.jpg)
This is going to be fun. Going with my wife and her sister. I’ll probably be going as that guy. But no way is it going to affect my fun.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: TXSara on May 08, 2022, 06:28:46 am
How cool!  You'll have a blast at The Offspring.  Agent Orange is a pretty good punk band as well, so you'll enjoy that.

Interesting "small world" thing -- my friend Mark's wife Gayle is friends with Dexter Holland (don't remember if it's a childhood thing or not).  They try to go see The Offspring any time they come to Dallas, and they have previously been able to get backstage passes / visited with Dexter.  Pretty cool stuff.  I have never gone with Mark and Gayle, and I have never seen the band live.  I hear they're really good, although I'm sure I'm getting a biased opinion!  ;D

Have fun!

~Sara
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on May 08, 2022, 09:18:30 am
Look up the group Wet Leg, might be your thing. There song Chaiseloung is doing well at the moment (I know its spelt wrong but cant be bothered to look it up!)
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 09, 2022, 12:56:07 pm
How cool!  You'll have a blast at The Offspring.  Agent Orange is a pretty good punk band as well, so you'll enjoy that.

Interesting "small world" thing -- my friend Mark's wife Gayle is friends with Dexter Holland (don't remember if it's a childhood thing or not).  They try to go see The Offspring any time they come to Dallas, and they have previously been able to get backstage passes / visited with Dexter.  Pretty cool stuff.  I have never gone with Mark and Gayle, and I have never seen the band live.  I hear they're really good, although I'm sure I'm getting a biased opinion!  ;D

Have fun!

~Sara
That’s so cool. My wife and her friends where Queen fanatics when they were younger. As well as fans of other bands. And I hear all the stories. Like this friend dated that band member. This friend slept with that band member. Or the time her and a friend went to either Brian Mays house or Roger Taylor’s house(don’t remember which one) it was after Freddie had past. And they were giving their condolences and were told that if he did not have company he would have invited them in. My wife is the music geek. I have a picture of her and Danny Elfman sitting on my desk in the garage. And her and Brain May in the spare bedroom.

I’ll let you know how the offspring is in concert for sure. Can’t wait to see them. I think we are in the 7th row.

All most had my wife talked into going to the Cruel world festival, but she says to many people. And it’s in the heat. Even though I was trying to get her to go with the VIP tickets. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220509/cb58ebcf53c6cad102687f8452a55c3f.jpg)
She wants to see Bauhaus.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 09, 2022, 12:58:01 pm
Look up the group Wet Leg, might be your thing. There song Chaiseloung is doing well at the moment (I know its spelt wrong but cant be bothered to look it up!)
Wet Leg is playing at some other festival in Pasadena or Vegas those are the 2 closest to me. I played that video on YouTube and would not mind seeing them live.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 09, 2022, 01:40:32 pm
So I was writing in someones blog. A little about my journey. It has its unique circumstances. It’s like starting HRT and getting and getting breast augmentation a month or 2 later and then beginning transitioning. It’s a little crazy. But the way things happened, I think it’s actually working out for the best. You can go look in my posts. It’s in Brook Rene’s blog.

So I was honestly going to the bathroom and pulling down my shorts and thinking why are these so tight on my hips. I almost have to unbutton and unzip them to get them down. Never ever even close to needing to do that 5 months ago. And I can see just a little of what used to be love handles morfing and down towards the hips. But I see no real change in the hips. Mind you. These are men’s shorts. I used to wear my shorts at the men’s waist area. Which would be where low rise bottoms would go.  I no longer can wear my 4 pairs of men’s shorts down there any more. They have to come up on the hips. Or they are not comfortable or feel right. The men’s shorts now go in the mid rise area. High rise and mid rise are most comfortable for me now.

If anybody had breast first and then slowly transitioned, talk to me. I would like to hear some about that.

As I look in the mirror my breasts are growing. How can I see them getting bigger and can’t really see the rest of my body changing? I mean I am probably going to be a D Cup.

Also would like to hear from a bra expert. I have questions. Before I quit HRT I was a 38B
And after I restarted I had one 38B that seemed to small. That same Bra a month later fit perfect. Then a month after that the same bra was I spilling out. Before I quit I had a padded 38C and it fit perfect. Still fits perfect. All my other 38B bras fit great and my 2 other 38C bras are tight in the band and I completely fill the cups. Really no difference between the 38C and the 38B bras. I just wear what color matches my underwear or camisole or other clothing.

I was trying on tops yesterday as I am getting ready to try and shed my oversized tops and wear somethings that are more feminine. Luckily I can wear most of my wife’s clothing. Upsets her when she thinks I look better in something. In tshirts she only likes v necks. So I have plenty of women’s tshirts to choose from. The 2 light weight pink and dark pink hoodies I already stole from her. It’s funny when she gives me that look like that’s mine and you look better in it. If looks hurt that look would be like her play punching me in the arm. Lol. She is just too cute. Wait until I start wearing all her pants. Lol. That’s really going to be fun.

If only we had the same size foot. I would be set. But alas that was not meant to be. Lol. She is 5-7 and I am 5-11. I used to be 6-2 so I am happy about that. I can wear low heals and not feel too tall. The 3 pair of sketcher shoes I have add an inch so losing height helps there. 

Oh one last thing. I went to the liquor store this morning to get caffeine. I grab my usual and hand the owner cash. He does not count it or look in my bag, been going there for ever. He’s awesome. He says thank you brother. It’s weird. It made me feel good. I was not upset about it or anything. Sir always gives me a gut punch. Or I’ll misgender myself when taking to my wife and that upsets me. Or my beautiful wife calls me by my male name and I don’t like it. That my fault. We have not discussed my preferred name. But I still feel it in my gut. So why when he called me brother it made me feel good rather than upsetting me? Splain that!

Much Love
Nora Kay


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 09, 2022, 06:41:52 pm
Ugh. Doing yard work messed up my manicure. So hard to find a qualified nail tech these days.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on May 10, 2022, 02:38:58 am
Gave up on mine working on the Austin has killed them, getting to the body filler stage and that will be worse!!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: TXSara on May 10, 2022, 04:10:48 am
I was trying on tops yesterday as I am getting ready to try and shed my oversized tops and wear somethings that are more feminine. Luckily I can wear most of my wife’s clothing. Upsets her when she thinks I look better in something. In tshirts she only likes v necks. So I have plenty of women’s tshirts to choose from. The 2 light weight pink and dark pink hoodies I already stole from her. It’s funny when she gives me that look like that’s mine and you look better in it. If looks hurt that look would be like her play punching me in the arm. Lol. She is just too cute. Wait until I start wearing all her pants. Lol. That’s really going to be fun.

If only we had the same size foot. I would be set. But alas that was not meant to be. Lol. She is 5-7 and I am 5-11. I used to be 6-2 so I am happy about that. I can wear low heals and not feel too tall. The 3 pair of sketcher shoes I have add an inch so losing height helps there. 

Isn't that nice when you can raid the wife's closet?  My wife and I have completely different tastes, though, so we don't borrow from each other all that often.  I think it sometimes bugs her for me to raid her closet, so I try to not go overboard.  I definitely tell her not to take things to Goodwill without me looking first -- she threw out a fitted Queensryche T-shirt a few years ago, and I'm STILL sort of upset that I didn't know until it was too late!  ;)  Now that I think about it, I oughta just go buy another just like it.  You can find anything on the internet these days.

We can't share shoes because she's a size 7 and I'm a 9.5.  Too bad.  I'm actually closer to being able to share shoes with my oldest daughter than with my wife.  Come on, kid!  Keep growing so I can save some money on clothes and shoes LOL!

~Sara
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 01:11:13 pm
Isn't that nice when you can raid the wife's closet?  My wife and I have completely different tastes, though, so we don't borrow from each other all that often.  I think it sometimes bugs her for me to raid her closet, so I try to not go overboard.  I definitely tell her not to take things to Goodwill without me looking first -- she threw out a fitted Queensryche T-shirt a few years ago, and I'm STILL sort of upset that I didn't know until it was too late!  ;)  Now that I think about it, I oughta just go buy another just like it.  You can find anything on the internet these days.

We can't share shoes because she's a size 7 and I'm a 9.5.  Too bad.  I'm actually closer to being able to share shoes with my oldest daughter than with my wife.  Come on, kid!  Keep growing so I can save some money on clothes and shoes LOL!

~Sara

Omg! I wish I was 9.5 then I would just make my wife get shoes that fit me lol. She can just go up a half a size. And I would be fine if I was your size. I bought this hoodie that I really like. My wife has seen it before and did not like it. But yesterday she is getting dressed and pulls it out and says I can’t believe you bought this. It’s ugly. Blah blah blah. She says that to the person that approves her clothes purchases for being not ugly. Lol. So I pulled out a few things I can’t stand and asked her the same questions. Definitely won’t be borrowing everything. That’s for sure. But if I like it. It’s on. 😎
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 01:14:51 pm
Gave up on mine working on the Austin has killed them, getting to the body filler stage and that will be worse!!
Ugh. I don’t know if I could give them up. I think I will just schedule the major work for just before I am getting them done. And maybe wear gloves. Just hope my wife don’t freak when I get them long. But once I start installing the parts on the Jag I may have to hold off for a few days. I am sure to break a few.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 01:23:42 pm
Ok I know that breast fluctuate in size. And a few of you will be like. Why are you complaining about breast size. But I am not ready for this. They are big today and it’s making me self conscious. Even being in front of my wife is getting to me. Mail man has not said a word. See him almost every day. Wife never mentions anything. I had to find my size online to compare to make sure they were as big as I think. And with a band of 38. They are definitely C’s. But I am getting better. Every time I go to a new place my confidence grows. But it’s up and down emotionally for me. It’s barely going on 5 months HRT so more body changes to go. I just wish they would hurry up.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 10, 2022, 01:39:22 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
I am not certain that you have read these topics below but if not, you will want to read them:
                    MTF timeline for Hormone Replacement Therapy
   https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251312.msg2337372.html#msg2337372

                                    Breasts and HRT....
                     https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,253575.0.html

Danielle

Ok I know that breast fluctuate in size. And a few of you will be like. Why are you complaining about breast size. But I am not ready for this. They are big today and it’s making me self conscious. Even being in front of my wife is getting to me. Mail man has not said a word. See him almost every day. Wife never mentions anything. I had to find my size online to compare to make sure they were as big as I think. And with a band of 38. They are definitely C’s. But I am getting better. Every time I go to a new place my confidence grows. But it’s up and down emotionally for me. It’s barely going on 5 months HRT so more body changes to go. I just wish they would hurry up.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 01:41:26 pm
Here is a pic of the hoodie my wife hates. Lol she has no style. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220510/82d87bcffdd7e0dae94b45c905c6ee8b.jpg)


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 10, 2022, 01:56:18 pm
Here is a pic of the hoodie my wife hates. Lol she has no style. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220510/82d87bcffdd7e0dae94b45c905c6ee8b.jpg)


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MY EYES!!

I mean it's... okay, lol. Kind of a weird mix of colours. Not something I would wear. But whatever floats your wardrobe. ;D The blue looks too washed out for my tastes. And I'm not a fan of red AT ALL, unless it's very dark red.

You do you. :P
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 02:06:15 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
I am not certain that you have read these topics below but if not, you will want to read them:
                    MTF timeline for Hormone Replacement Therapy
   https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251312.msg2337372.html#msg2337372

                                    Breasts and HRT....
                     https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,253575.0.html

Danielle


I have read those before and Re read them twice now to absorb it. I know changes can take years. That why I wonder why people get some surgeries a year in. I know all that info. Nothing about me screams female. But my breasts. So it freaks me out. I was 80 pounds larger at the 2 year mark last time. 3 years after that I started losing weight. And of course I thought when I lost weight my breasts would get smaller. But as I lost weight they did not. All while I was losing weight my dysphoria got worse and I restarted HRT soon after most of my weight loss and about the 3 month mark my breast woke up and went up a full cup. I was a B Cup when I restarted and now I am a large C cup. And they are growing. It’s looking like a D cup is possible. And with my body size proportionate wide a D cup will probably be perfect. I will be able to steal my wife’s bras. Lol. But right now. Everything else about me is just starting. Except maybe some of my body hair. People who say electrolosis is the only permanent hair removal are wrong. If you use an epilator on your arms and with hormones you may get what I have. Super thin hair you can’t see. Instead of the thick male hair. I maybe have to shave my legs once a month. And my chest barley has any hair on it. Only stubborn hair has to be removed with electrolosis. But some people have only stubborn hair. And my back hair disappears after a few waxings as long as I am on hormones. A lot of body hair goes away when the hormones are at correct levels. Same with head hair. Only 5 months in I have not even gone thru all cycles so I might get more growth on top. Already have a lot of new growth. So I get it. I lived it for 2 years and now I get to do it again. Not any easier now. Still freaks me out.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 02:09:49 pm
MY EYES!!

I mean it's... okay, lol. Kind of a weird mix of colours. Not something I would wear. But whatever floats your wardrobe. ;D The blue looks too washed out for my tastes. And I'm not a fan of red AT ALL, unless it's very dark red.

You do you. :P
You hate it too. Lol. Just say it. I can take it. I think it’s more orange. But with a pair of jeans it will look good. At least to me. You and my wife can laugh at my tastes all you want. Won’t change my mind about either of you. Keeping you around.
Much Love 💕
Nora Kay
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 10, 2022, 02:20:43 pm
You hate it too. Lol. Just say it. I can take it. I think it’s more orange. But with a pair of jeans it will look good. At least to me. You and my wife can laugh at my tastes all you want. Won’t change my mind about either of you. Keeping you around.
Much Love 💕
Nora Kay

LOL! Nora, wear whatever makes you feel good. I don't hate it. It just isn't something I would wear. I wouldn't grab a carving knife from the block if you did though.

Having different tastes is what makes us all interesting. Even if you do look like a set of bagpipes wearing an apron. :P <3 You do you, sweetie. And don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for it, okay? I am your stereotypical goth girl so you can guess my wardrobe just from saying that, lol. To each their own. :)

*big hugs*
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 02:30:16 pm
LOL! Nora, wear whatever makes you feel good. I don't hate it. It just isn't something I would wear. I wouldn't grab a carving knife from the block if you did though.

Having different tastes is what makes us all interesting. Even if you do look like a set of bagpipes wearing an apron. :P <3 You do you, sweetie. And don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for it, okay? I am your stereotypical goth girl so you can guess my wardrobe just from saying that, lol. To each their own. :)

*big hugs*

Goth? I freaking love that. See that’s the thing. If asked I am either none of the above or all of the above. I love almost all different styles. Why limit oneself. If it looks good on you it looks good. One day I will look good enough to myself to let you see all the styles. I hate being the same as someone else. And I can tell you right now nobody is like me. Some may get me. But nobody is like me.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 02:35:55 pm
This is what I think of when I hear goth. I love this outfit and was a dealer for Demonia shoes at one time. Will probably be getting an account again.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220510/2fd0f930d653c3ab7fb0d2725ec32e4d.jpg)


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 10, 2022, 02:44:16 pm
Why limit oneself. If it looks good on you it looks good.

And why not? We have very few things we can control in this world. How we express ourselves is one of the few things we DO get to control. You do you!

This is what I think of when I hear goth. I love this outfit and was a dealer for Demonia shoes at one time. Will probably be getting an account again.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220510/2fd0f930d653c3ab7fb0d2725ec32e4d.jpg)


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Lol if I could get away with wearing that I would. ;D I've had purple in my hair before... not sure about the pink. But I'm not against it!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 03:03:02 pm
And why not? We have very few things we can control in this world. How we express ourselves is one of the few things we DO get to control. You do you!

Lol if I could get away with wearing that I would. ;D I've had purple in my hair before... not sure about the pink. But I'm not against it!
Your younger than me. At our age, only thing I would change is the length of that skirt. But I don’t like maxi skirts as much as a mid length. For some reason easier to find more maxi and mini’s than mid length. Women my age have pink and purple in their hair all the time. Maybe not the whole head though.

Once I can present female successfully I will mostly be wearing skirts if I can. I hate pants and am ok with shorts. But skirts. Been waiting all my life to wear them so I will.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 10, 2022, 03:09:00 pm
Your younger than me. At our age, only thing I would change is the length of that skirt. But I don’t like maxi skirts as much as a mid length. For some reason easier to find more maxi and mini’s than mid length. Women my age have pink and purple in their hair all the time. Maybe not the whole head though.

Once I can present female successfully I will mostly be wearing skirts if I can. I hate pants and am ok with shorts. But skirts. Been waiting all my life to wear them so I will.

Hon, I look like Frankenstein's Monster. Age has very little to do with it. :) I'm in a wheelchair so skirts kind of... give pervs a free view lol. I'm kind of a write off from the waist down so it's kinda hard for me to do fashion. I may go for the pink hair though, lol. It appeals to me.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 03:21:34 pm
Hon, I look like Frankenstein's Monster. Age has very little to do with it. :) I'm in a wheelchair so skirts kind of... give pervs a free view lol. I'm kind of a write off from the waist down so it's kinda hard for me to do fashion. I may go for the pink hair though, lol. It appeals to me.
Not buying that. Someone’s beauty is in their smile. Even Frankenstein’s monster looked good when he smiled. And fashion don’t care.

Much Love 💖 💕
Nora Kay
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 10, 2022, 03:23:46 pm
Not buying that. Someone’s beauty is in their smile. Even Frankenstein’s monster looked good when he smiled. And fashion don’t care.

Much Love 💖 💕
Nora Kay

Can I adopt you?
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Allison R on May 10, 2022, 03:31:57 pm
Nora and Sephira, this conversation hits close to home for me. When I was a teen and in school, one of the things I would get jealous of the girls over is the ability to be a social chameleon. Girls could wear cowboy boots and hats one day, and then the next look like the girl Sephirah posted. It really drove me as a kid.

I really don't get how it all escaped me as a kid. It's like 2+2 has equaled 5 my whole life and I never questioned it, and now I am like "Duh, what's wrong with you, it's always been 4 you dunderhead".

Allison
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 03:37:51 pm
Can I adopt you?
aww shucks. As long as you keep smiling.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 10, 2022, 03:59:22 pm
aww shucks. As long as you keep smiling.


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You make me smile. Not gonna lie. <3

Nora and Sephira, this conversation hits close to home for me. When I was a teen and in school, one of the things I would get jealous of the girls over is the ability to be a social chameleon. Girls could wear cowboy boots and hats one day, and then the next look like the girl Sephirah posted. It really drove me as a kid.

I really don't get how it all escaped me as a kid. It's like 2+2 has equaled 5 my whole life and I never questioned it, and now I am like "Duh, what's wrong with you, it's always been 4 you dunderhead".

Allison

I get you Allison. There's a certain amount more freedom. Socially speaking. As guys we're raised to be a certain way. And one of those ways is that anything to do with femininity is abhorrent. I never understood the double standard, honestly. I still don't. It just doesn't make sense to me.

But I kinda think that makes it hard for trans guys too, because while guys around trans girls think "Why would anyone want to be a woman?"... for trans guys, I would bet a lot of people around them think "Oh she's just being a tomboy, it'll pass."

It's the same level of misunderstanding and I hope with all my heart that it goes away eventually, and everyone can be free to explore who they are.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 04:25:14 pm
You make me smile. Not gonna lie. <3

I get you Allison. There's a certain amount more freedom. Socially speaking. As guys we're raised to be a certain way. And one of those ways is that anything to do with femininity is abhorrent. I never understood the double standard, honestly. I still don't. It just doesn't make sense to me.

But I kinda think that makes it hard for trans guys too, because while guys around trans girls think "Why would anyone want to be a woman?"... for trans guys, I would bet a lot of people around them think "Oh she's just being a tomboy, it'll pass."

It's the same level of misunderstanding and I hope with all my heart that it goes away eventually, and everyone can be free to explore who they are.
Ha one down the rest of the world to go.

Can you imagine the world where it was right to be yourself and not what the world thinks you should be. I would have been wearing skirts and playing with barbies at such a young age. Lol. And if there was an equivalent for guys to being a Tom boy. Like a Bobbie Girl. Lol. Best I can come up with off the top of my head. Dang that would have been cool. Ya? I am sure you would be surprised how many men would wear skirts if it was socially acceptable.

And yet when I just now went to the liquor store to get caffeine and what did I do. Put on a flannel to cover my boobs. That anxiety still there. But I did not put on shoes to cover my painted toes or remove my ankle bracelet. Or wear gloves to cover my French manicure.

I now know what needs to be done. Hair off of face. It makes the anxiety worse. When I have hair on the face and feminine in other places. 🥲


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 10, 2022, 04:59:04 pm
Can you imagine the world where it was right to be yourself and not what the world thinks you should be. I would have been wearing skirts and playing with barbies at such a young age. Lol. And if there was an equivalent for guys to being a Tom boy. Like a Bobbie Girl. Lol. Best I can come up with off the top of my head. Dang that would have been cool. Ya? I am sure you would be surprised how many men would wear skirts if it was socially acceptable.

Reminds me of a song. This is a cover. I have a feeling you've probably heard the original. It's a Pink Floyd song.

(just in case you think one amazing vocalist isn't enough...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IClqCyS4IRY
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 05:40:40 pm
Reminds me of a song. This is a cover. I have a feeling you've probably heard the original. It's a Pink Floyd song.

(just in case you think one amazing vocalist isn't enough...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IClqCyS4IRY
Yup that was good. Not very often I listen to the whole song when directed to YouTube. That one I did.
 
Why am I so tired?


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 05:41:48 pm
Ugh! I have done nothing today. I hate it when I take a lazy day. But my allergies this morning were bad. Hands were aching and back sore. So what have I done today. Made my wife lunch. Because I cook it better than her. So she says. Printed a shipping label. And I will have to put the trash out so the city can pick it up. Oh I did go to the store. Hmmm           

Caffeine not working.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 10, 2022, 05:55:14 pm
So when I contacted my insurance. I asked for a Nurse /case manager that specializes in transgender services etc….
So today I get this from my Nurse. And I am confused because I thought she was it, but told her that would be awesome.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220510/90f214e043f2d443b7f781f2064e58a7.jpg)


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on May 11, 2022, 02:26:13 am
Tired ,backache , sore hands , you building a Hot Rod as well!!
Yes wear what you like, I do as I like mid length loose skirts and at the moment loose tops to hide my fat belly ------
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 11, 2022, 02:05:26 pm
So when I contacted my insurance. I asked for a Nurse /case manager that specializes in transgender services etc….
So today I get this from my Nurse. And I am confused because I thought she was it, but told her that would be awesome.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220510/90f214e043f2d443b7f781f2064e58a7.jpg)


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For some reason that makes me think of the 80s movie Flight of the Navigator.

As someone from the UK, the whole insurance thing confuses me to no end. It seems like a minefield. But I guess that's how privatised medicine works. No one likes paying for anything lol. So the hoops people have to jump through seem almost endless just to get the most basic of assistance for things wrong with them.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 11, 2022, 05:02:07 pm
For some reason that makes me think of the 80s movie Flight of the Navigator.

As someone from the UK, the whole insurance thing confuses me to no end. It seems like a minefield. But I guess that's how privatised medicine works. No one likes paying for anything lol. So the hoops people have to jump through seem almost endless just to get the most basic of assistance for things wrong with them.
Sometimes jumping through hoops is an understatement. I am lucky mine covers what it does. But it has been months since first contact and nothing is clear as to what’s covered. Lol

But on a different note, I decide to start to break in my Doc Martens today. So far a lot better than I thought. You would think the ankle I had major surgery on would be the bad one. But it’s my right, the so called good ankle giving me problems. But I was able to go to 2 different grocery stores and the liquor store today while wearing them. The first store I put on a flannel to cover my breasts. But by the time I got home it was too hot. Had to take off the boob cover before I went to the other 2 stores. It’s getting better. I am becoming more comfortable pointing my cannons at people. Lol.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220511/4077c2d8a6ac8c0b4d5c0a58aa07d0b5.jpg)

Look at those ugly legs. Lol


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: TXSara on May 11, 2022, 05:40:10 pm
Those are some COOL shoes, Nora!  I ain't gonna lie... I want some.

I don't know HOW I'm going to store all my shoes once I release the Kraken and start buying up clothes for changing my wardrobe over.  Right now, I limit things to only taking up a couple feet of space in the closet.  Once the boy clothes get sent to Goodwill, it'll be GAME ON.

~Sara
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 11, 2022, 09:15:09 pm
Those are some COOL shoes, Nora!  I ain't gonna lie... I want some.

I don't know HOW I'm going to store all my shoes once I release the Kraken and start buying up clothes for changing my wardrobe over.  Right now, I limit things to only taking up a couple feet of space in the closet.  Once the boy clothes get sent to Goodwill, it'll be GAME ON.

~Sara
You and your smaller feet should be able to find some as cool as those. Lol. Maybe not ones exactly like them. I’ve only seen these exact ones once and they are mine. Hehe. But I am sure they are out there. If I remember right. The lady who sold them said they were her daughters and she only worn them once. When I got them they looked brand new. Could not tell they have ever been worn. And the price for these were maybe 1/3 of what they were new. Design like this are at least about 250 new. I know your size. I will keep an eye out. I know someone who paints Docs or other boots custom as well. But a little expensive. I will be getting a pair. Just not now. She is super talented. Cheaper if you supply the boot yourself I am sure. Tall women with big feet like me have to be resourceful.

I am far from full time. But I have quite a few clothing items. More women’s than men’s. I don’t send good items to good will. I sell on poshmark or eBay. Makes the stuff I buy more affordable. Thats where I got those boots. But if it gets to where I need room I have the spare bedroom. 3 pairs of shoes made there way in there now. I already have to many shoes. But I think you can never really have too many. I like shoes. I have shipping supplies in the spare rooms closet now. Been working on cleaning out that closet so I can use all of it for my new wardrobe.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 11, 2022, 09:32:45 pm
Don’t judge me. I like stars. So I got this belt. And this bag. The bag is huge. Did not know it was going to be as big as it is. Should have know since it’s a laptop bag. But I love the bag!!

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220512/6ae06f3820e952baf0b7d7541813b7b7.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220512/f585b3c1f0f0d552e0407698702bfcee.jpg)


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on May 12, 2022, 03:04:36 am
You will need a big bag , before you just stuck a wallet and maybe a comb in your jeans but now its purse, hairbrush, lipstick, mirror , wipes, makeup, small umbrella , phone, and a million other bits just in case !!!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 12, 2022, 11:12:53 am
You will need a big bag , before you just stuck a wallet and maybe a comb in your jeans but now its purse, hairbrush, lipstick, mirror , wipes, makeup, small umbrella , phone, and a million other bits just in case !!!

Oh god I know! It’s already starting with glasses, sunglasses, wallet, keys and perfume. Then add lip balm. Need a nail file. I do wear cargo shorts a lot. But uncomfortable putting all that in pockets. Plus when you start wearing women’s jeans because they are starting to fit better. The pockets are too shallow to hold anything and some of the back pockets are fake. Or there are no pockets at all. Oh and you already said, but I forgot the phone. Business phone too.

And that’s just to start. Then gradually add everything you said. Funny never needed all that before. Lol.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 12, 2022, 11:30:43 am
So today I woke up not feeling all that great mentally. So let’s talk about that. I think it may be a normal thing for some of us to go thru. I know that I am a woman. But sometimes I feel it would be easier if I could have not been transgender. Honestly I don’t want to be transgender. Today my wife asked what wrong. I told her bluntly I am depressed and suicidal. She comforted me. I told her it will pass. It does pass. It’s just something I go thru sometimes. I started crying in the other room away from my wife. Talked to my dog. My dog looks at me with his worried face and comforts me. That dog saves my life every day. Now you know, I like myself as I am. It’s not going to change. For me I can fight it all I want and in the end I am a transgender woman. Working towards complete transition is what I need. I love the changes so far and looking for more. But facts are I don’t want this. But it’s the hand I was dealt. I love myself, so I can truly love others. I transition for myself. And only myself. I love you all. And will try to help in anyway I can. I hope seeing what I feel will help someone. What I need is to get off my lazy butt and do things. That’s part of my problem. I get down and then lazy. Then I dwell on things. I am getting better in that sense too. Just takes time. I’ll get there thanks to you and you and my wife and my dogs. Lol.

Much Love 💕
Nora Kay
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 12, 2022, 11:38:25 am
This is what I hope.

My wife and I are not legally married. Just common law. I’m on her insurance and etc….. Everything is like we are married.

We still plan on getting legally married. So when I go to her to say let’s do it. I am going to ask her if I can take her last name. It will rhyme with my new middle name. Lol Hopefully the timing will be when I am changing my names already. Then I can leave the old me completely behind. I don’t have any family left. Just hers. So it really won’t matter to mine. Lol.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 12, 2022, 04:24:31 pm
Not sure I am going to make it thru this. I don’t want to be me anymore. I am suicidal right now. My case manage referred me to the transgender specialist. And she contacted me at my wife’s phone number. Yes my wife accepts me up to this point. but I don’t think she can handle surgeries. I emailed my case manager. Had a melt down. Still having a melt down. I know I will probably get thru this but I am in so much pain right now. I want it to end. And I don’t care how I end it. Just don’t care anymore. Can’t handle the ups and downs. Feeling like a freak. It’s going to end up 1 of 2 ways. And either way I will be hurting my wife. Killing myself never really felt like a possibility until now. It just hurts. Never hurt this bad before. I want it to stop. And stop it will. One way or the other. Bye for now. Maybe
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 12, 2022, 05:07:58 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:

Based on your posting, I am very concerned for your well-being.
Ending your own life does not solve anything, in fact it will cause tremendous hurt and turmoil with your loved ones, friends and acquaintances.

I would suggest that you go to the following information and get some immediate help:
 
     United States
     National Suicide Prevention Hotline
     English: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
     Spanish: 1-888-628-9454
     For anyone who is suicidal.
     Toll-free and available 24/7.
     TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)
     Chat is also available.
     Website: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I am expecting other members to come along and they may offer their advice.

HUGS,
Danielle


 
Not sure I am going to make it thru this. I don’t want to be me anymore. I am suicidal right now. My case manage referred me to the transgender specialist. And she contacted me at my wife’s phone number. Yes my wife accepts me up to this point. but I don’t think she can handle surgeries. I emailed my case manager. Had a melt down. Still having a melt down. I know I will probably get thru this but I am in so much pain right now. I want it to end. And I don’t care how I end it. Just don’t care anymore. Can’t handle the ups and downs. Feeling like a freak. It’s going to end up 1 of 2 ways. And either way I will be hurting my wife. Killing myself never really felt like a possibility until now. It just hurts. Never hurt this bad before. I want it to stop. And stop it will. One way or the other. Bye for now. Maybe
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Jessica_Rose on May 12, 2022, 05:22:46 pm
You are stronger than this Nora Kay. In addition to hurting those you love, and who love you, you would be depriving yourself of the joy you will find when you finally become the person you were meant to be. I always told myself that if this were easy, everyone would do it! Don't throw away a potentially beautiful future just because someone else make a mistake. You can do this, and your friends here will always be around to help. Please send me a PM if you want to talk, and I'll give you my number.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on May 12, 2022, 07:40:12 pm
I'm sorry you're struggling right now, Nora. Just know that you are not alone - you have friends here who care about you. This will pass - better times are ahead.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 13, 2022, 09:28:56 pm
Still alive. But no promises. Nothings gonna happen soon. If it does. Gonna see how it goes for now. Suicide hotlines won’t work for me. They just make it worse. At least for me. Funny thing is I had a hard time finding a pair male boxers. Do not feel like dressing en femme right now. But then I had to go to the store. And having boobs and needing a bra was annoying. Had an interesting conversation with my wife. About my boobs and how having to put a bra on to go out sucks. Means nothing. She still said she is leaving if I transition. Even though I am right in the middle if transitioning. But I can wear or do anything I want at home. Oh lucky me. Just don’t embarrass her. Or if it’s the same as last time she would have no problem with me dressing and being me to go out with other girls like me. So yeah, I have it great don’t I? You think things are good. But you realize she has no clue. Give her a book. She won’t read it. Too funny, as I’m writing this she says she was reading it but I moved it and she could not find it. But she did not ask me and it still has not moved. Says she does not understand something. But I can’t explain it so she does. You give her a link that might. But she won’t click it. She says she loves me. But she can’t be with a girl. I ask her if she still wants sex. She says yes. But never ever asks or hints or anything. I’ll tell you this. If I can transition all the way but leave my little friend there and working. But keep my wife. I will do it in a heartbeat.

Trigger warning

Thing is my libido is un breakable. Talked to my doctor and she said most likely even with an orchiectomy I would still have function. I have full function now on full E dose and have doubled the T blocker. I laugh at viagra commercials. I do have dysphoria with my little friend but I can deal with the amount I have from it for my wife.

But I don’t know. Why am I still here. I was in a coma that the doctors said I might not wake up from. God could have taken me then. But I am still here. Had plenty of surgeries could have taken me during any one of them but I am still here. In 2008 I flipped my truck in the rain. Could have taken me then. But I walked away. Broke out the side and back windows. Soaked everything in my truck. It was pouring. When I was taking all my water logged things out of my truck I found my bible Dry as it would have been on a sunny day hiding was under a floor mat. And it flew all around my truck. And that mat was fastened down.

Wife don’t want me if I transition completely. God don’t want me. And nobody else really knows me enough to say they want me. And I have no trust with anybody but one person. What’s a girl to do. You say I should stick it out. If I leave it will hurt the ones who care about me. But the ones who say they care about me say it will hurt them if I transition. If I transition I’ll hurt my wife. If I kill myself I’ll hurt my wife but my pain will be gone. I have no friends to hurt but one. You say you care but you don’t know me enough for it to be anything other than it’s a shame. She was in so much pain. Physical and mental pain a lot if it. We saw it coming. But did not know what to do. You see if I come in here and say I’m ok I would be lying. I am not ok. I am in a lot of pain. Some of it can’t pass. It’s always going to be there. Some of the physical will get worse. Some of the mental could go both ways. Just remember the ones who say they are fine then kill themselves lie. I am not lying to you. I’m not ok. I am trying to deal with it. I am not planning on it. But I can’t guarantee a thing. Anybody who thinks about it usually always thinks about it to some degree. It does not go away just like that all of a sudden. Some never go thru with it. Some do. I am still here talking so that’s a good sign. The ones who say they are fine and they are not thinking about it at all are usually lying. If they said what I said before. I’m here talking. I am trying to deal with it. If I go dark for more than 2 days then worry. Most likely I’m not going to tell anybody if I decide to. But for now I am ok. Not going anywhere. But know I am in pain. Working thru it the best I can. Take all my rambling how ever you want. But if I am rambling I’m still here. Lol. We will see how things go. My wife wants to know everything. If I am experiencing it she get to now. If I am self conscious about my boobs showing thru my shirt she will know it now. If I get a new piece of clothing or shoes and I’m excited I am bringing her into the loop to experience my excitement. I’ve tried it the other way around. If it really does not affect her I did not loop her in. Am I making any sense. What I feel she knows now. Ok I’m done now. Talked way too much. Bye. Lol


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on May 14, 2022, 03:03:17 am
Keep rambling away dear, even if it makes no senses your letting it out. In a bit of a catch22 , "God" (or the universe) has a strange sense of humour but we need to please ourselves eventually . If others care about us they will give there support , if you need to transition to save your "soul" then that is what your should do. Sounds to me your wife needs to make a choice , does she know how you really feel . I know she has her fingers stuck in her ears going la la la but she needs to face reality.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: TXSara on May 14, 2022, 10:42:51 am
Wow, Nora --

I had no idea you were struggling like this.  I'm so sorry.  I'm also sorry that I have been so slow to respond.  When someone is standing on the ledge, it is a really scary place to be (both for the person standing there and for any of us who want to help, but don't want to say that one wrong thing that might tip the scales in the wrong way).  I'm just going to have to take my chances, sis.  I care about you too much.

Let me start out by saying that I have absolutely no idea what you're going through.  Part of this is because I don't have all of the information, and part of it is that we don't have the exact same personal situation.  That means that I can't fully empathize with you, but I CAN be a loving friend who is here to listen.  Feel free to open up, either here, through PM, or even through email / phone.  I'll PM you my contact info.

Here's where I'm going to be taking a real chance...

I wouldn't say that I'm an expert on depression, and I wouldn't even say that have personal experience that gives me any credibility in this area.  I am not depressed, and I never really have been.  My mom is very depressed, and my wife sometimes is.  My grandfather on my mother's side suffered from severe depression as well. 

The correlation that I have found with all of these people that is: 
   (a) Their reality is not what they would like it to be
   (b) They are self-aware enough to realize it
   (c) They believe that there is very little they can do address it

That's a horrible place to be.

The equation "happiness = reality - expectation" is an overly simplistic view, but it is also very powerful.  I am a huge believer in it, and I try every day to address both sides:  I work my butt off to make my reality the best it possibly can be, and I also work very hard every day NOT to expect too much.  I am very happy and appreciative when someone does something nice for me, and I try to NEVER expect things from others.

I know that there are many things in your life that you cannot control.  That's the same for all of us.  I can't control whether my wife decides to leave me.  I can only control things like (a) being completely open and honest, (b) making sure she knows that I love her, (c) doing little things around the house that let her know that I value her.  In the end, she may still leave.  I'll be disappointed, but I won't be depressed because I'll know in my heart that I did everything I possibly could.

So, here's my hope for you, Nora --

You don't have control over everything in your life.  We've talked before about your home situation, and I get it.  Try to think of things that you DO have control over.  You DO have control over finding friends in your community.  You DO have control over your openness and honesty with your wife.  If you are concerned about physical things, you DO have control over "some" but not "all" of that as well. 

On the expectation side, you may need to be honest with yourself about what the worst case situations might be as you transition, then try to figure out in your head how you'll pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward.  When I was stressing about outing myself at work, my therapist asked a simple question, "What is the worst thing that could happen here?"  When I really thought about it, I realized that it wouldn't have been the complete end of the world, no matter what people thought.  Luckily, I was was surprised to know that even in one of the most conservative states and in one of the most conservative industries, people are very polite and nice about it.  Maybe you'll be happily surprised as well.

Love ya, sis...

~Sara
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: EllenW on May 14, 2022, 10:59:26 am
Nora,

I cannot add any more to what others have already said, other than I am here if you want to PM me and remember that I am less than an hour away if you need to talk to someone in person.

Ellen
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 14, 2022, 12:47:27 pm
I love you guys. Thank you. As I feel better I will talk more. But for now I am still a little down. My wife is going on a trip and will be gone on my birthday. It’s something that has been planned for a long time. I was scheduled to go. But I can’t go. Things just are not working out to make it so I can go. And we will just leave it at that. She came to me just now and said she will cancel. She is worried about me. I promised her I will be fine and that she has to go. I don’t break promises. So there is that. I am sure I will be fine as time moves on. It’s just so hard for me to believe she will actually leave if I transition. I know her. Path of least resistance. Easier to stay than break up. I am going to continue to pursue what I have to for my sanity and see what happens.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 14, 2022, 01:27:41 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
You have supportive and accepting friends here on the Forums!!!
                   

Please keep on sharing, posting and updating your Blog thread and
elsewhere on the Forums threads.
HUGS,
Danielle



I love you guys. Thank you. As I feel better I will talk more. But for now I am still a little down. My wife is going on a trip and will be gone on my birthday. It’s something that has been planned for a long time. I was scheduled to go. But I can’t go. Things just are not working out to make it so I can go. And we will just leave it at that. She came to me just now and said she will cancel. She is worried about me. I promised her I will be fine and that she has to go. I don’t break promises. So there is that. I am sure I will be fine as time moves on. It’s just so hard for me to believe she will actually leave if I transition. I know her. Path of least resistance. Easier to stay than break up. I am going to continue to pursue what I have to for my sanity and see what happens.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 14, 2022, 03:38:15 pm
Check your email. I don't think I can write that giant wall of text twice lol. ;)

*big hugs*
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 15, 2022, 06:28:44 pm
It’s a new me. I did some soul searching the last few days. It’s a simple conclusion. Until my wife walks out the door. Or gives me my 30 day notice to kick me out. Nothing is going to affect me like the last thing did. Some of the past was on my mind at that time and the conclusion about that is it’s in the past. It affects me not any more. It’s pretty much what a wise mind told me. Living by the serenity prayer. And you do not have to be religious to live by Gods words. A lot of Gods words are common sense.

Give us courage to change what we can, serenity to accept what cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the one from the other.

 This will be added to my signature line as well as the line I just added.

All the love 💕 I have.
Nora Kay

Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: TXSara on May 15, 2022, 07:04:13 pm
'Atta girl -- very true words indeed.

I'm glad you seem to be on the other side of this, at least for now.  Soul searching sometimes does a good job of finding a little nugget of truth in there every once in a while.  I'm glad you found one.

Big hugs,

~Sara
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 15, 2022, 07:25:25 pm
My wife. I love her to death. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. But no way she can live with out me.

Yesterday I made some vegan hotdogs. They taste ok as a hot dog. Definitely not as good as real hotdogs. But I don’t cook them like a hot dog. I let my wife taste them and she loves them. But did not know what was in the dish I made. Had to tell her vegan hotdogs. I am a meat eater. So if I don’t want to cook 2 dinners I just make the vegan stuff taste good. I cook a vegan burger the same way. It does not taste like a burger, but it taste good.

My wife is leaving for vacation without me. I can’t go. So she is taking her best friend. My wife can’t pack. She packs like a guy. Waits until hours before departure and just throws things in the suitcase. So being a 10 day trip. I get to pack for her.

And the bad part about this trip is I will be alone on my birthday. First time ever. Lol.

It’s fun packing with my wife. She is not the fashionista I am. If I don’t like an outfit she won’t wear it. I lover her but she is taking my favorite Capris along with some of my other favorites. She is taking 5 pair of my boyshort underwear. Takes my shorts and may be taking 1 or 2 of my purses. So she is trying on outfits I am approving or disapproving. So I am digging in the back of my closet. Bring out things she put in the get rid of pile that I was saving for myself. So maybe 1/3 of what she is taking is mine. She does not like my Camo leggings. But they fit perfectly, so she is buying a couple of black pair. So I get to steal a pair of those. This time with my wife is great and a little confusing. But I will take it. She asked what I want from the store. And I told her a cute outfit. Lol. I say this time with her is confusing because the conversations about the clothing I have saved definitely says to me I will be wearing them in the future. She even said that I would be. So……. When she asks if I want any destination tshirts this time I am telling her yes and make sure they are women's. Another thing confuses me was the convo about my breasts. I hide them I thought from her. But she has said she has seen them. I was talking about how annoying they are and how I need to put on a bra just to leave the house and how that’s annoying as well. It told her without one I would be showing thing thru the tshirt if I didn’t. She agreed about having to put on a bra to run a short errand being annoying. Then she laughs at me and says. “You think?” Lol and we argued about the size. Of course I think they are bigger than she does. But what evs. I know what size I wear. So there. Lol.

Another thing I was told by a wise friend. Thanks Sephirah. Here is a quote. I hope she don’t mind. I think it may help others as it helped me. And this one quote helped me find myself again.

But something to think about is that maybe your wife is seeing the end without seeing any of the in-between. Like the proverbial frog in boiling water. And that maybe as you gradually become yourself, together with her, her attitude will change. It’s not like she’s suddenly going to wake up one morning next to another biologically born woman. And maybe the time it takes for you to go through your journey is what you both need to accept it, you know? The water heats up gradually. People say lots of things when they’re picturing an end. Because they only see it as now... and then. Nothing in between.

My wife confuses me so much. But ima keep on moving forward.

I’m back baby!!!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 15, 2022, 07:28:19 pm
'Atta girl -- very true words indeed.

I'm glad you seem to be on the other side of this, at least for now.  Soul searching sometimes does a good job of finding a little nugget of truth in there every once in a while.  I'm glad you found one.

Big hugs,

~Sara

Thank you Sara. I appreciate everything you have done for me. It means more than you know. Everything everyone has done. All the PMs and love 💕 I received when I needed it.

You are my blessings.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 16, 2022, 02:08:51 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
I am so very glad to read that you are getting your thoughts and emotions in order. 
You have friends and supporters here on the Forums that are rooting for your acceptance,
success, good health, and safety.

Here on your Blog thread, you can share, vent, and safely explore your options.
HUGS and best wishes...   
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 16, 2022, 02:15:25 pm
Omg!! You just start getting so comfortable with yourself. You forget your toes are painted. French tips on your hands and the seatbelt is going InBetween your breasts. I was sitting in the car talking with my pain doctor. He still does it by…..
You call when you get there. You wait. The receptionist calls you and transfers you to the doctor when he is ready. You talk over the phone. Then he comes out and gives you you prescription. Then you leave. Then starting this year they have to digitally send your script to the pharmacy. But you still have to drive the 45 minutes to the doctor. Even though you don’t get a price of paper anymore.

Well anyway we were talking about my weight loss and the fact that my high blood pressure is gone. It’s better than it’s been in years. And  the fact that the weight loss and quitting smoking has made the edema I would get in my feet almost not there anymore. They used to swell so big I would go up a shoe size.

So I am showing him my ankles with toes painted. The reason I wore sandals is because I was not getting out of the car so no one would see them. Then he talked about my physic while he was staring at my chest with the seatbelt going in the middle making my shirt fit tight. Lol. Did not really even think about all that until I was almost home from my appointment.

So it’s pretty cool when your confidence is where you anxiety is low and you don’t realize things till later and it does not bother you.



Much Love
Nora


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 16, 2022, 02:34:01 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:

You stated in your last posting:

"So it’s pretty cool when your confidence is where you anxiety is low and you don’t realize things till later and it does not bother you."

Yes indeed it is definitely pretty cool regarding your confidence and self-assurance.... 
...  keep on with that mindset!!!
Thank you for sharing.
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 16, 2022, 02:36:39 pm
Sold this mirror today.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220516/d353ee1a91b75462dbc91742f35c9244.jpg)

Hope all goes ok. Going out of state to a new user with 0 feedback. Insured the poop out of it. And I pack well when I ship things.

They made a few of these mirrors. But this one is one of a kind. It had a factory defect. Or enhancement. Depends on how you look at things I guess. It has a Green outline. Thats not on the others. I think it makes it look better.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: TXSara on May 16, 2022, 05:31:50 pm
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220516/d353ee1a91b75462dbc91742f35c9244.jpg)

What a fantastic album.  One of their best.  I got nothin' else  ;D

I'm SOOO glad you're back and feeling better.  I have to remember my toenails as well.  I am getting closer to not caring whether people see them or not, but I'm not quite there yet.  Baby steps, right?

~Sara
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 16, 2022, 06:09:37 pm
What a fantastic album.  One of their best.  I got nothin' else  ;D

I'm SOOO glad you're back and feeling better.  I have to remember my toenails as well.  I am getting closer to not caring whether people see them or not, but I'm not quite there yet.  Baby steps, right?

~Sara
Lol. That would be all I got. My wife is the Queen/Music junkie. Lol

I feel waaayyy better thanks to you my dear. And the others who reached out to me. First time I’ve ever been that bad and and the wise advise, love and support from you and the others brought be back. Omg!, looking back I did not realize how bad I was. I went male mode for like 4 days. Looking back at that in itself was a little scary. All the doubts came rushing back, etc….

But I am good now and I learn from my experiences. Change what I can now. Work on things that will take time and accept what I can’t change or control.

You will know when you are there. Or you might not know. It will be one day you realize after you come home and think about your day. You will be like I just did today. Going about your day just like normal. Get home and go hmmm. I guess I don’t need to worry about that anymore. It’s a combo of not caring at all what other people think and it’s to much trouble to change back and forth. Not a single person who really loved/liked you before is going to change their mind because of it. You are the same person you have always been. And if this is the thing that breaks the camels back for them then I think you were not all that important to them in the first place. And as far as strangers go. Who cares. As long as it doesn’t put you in danger, then - what ever. Right? Ya? Lol.

I have wasted to much time and energy caring what people that I don’t know their names of think of me. A lot easier to not care. You just go into it hoping for the best and expect the worst and get anywhere from the best down to neutral. Usually. Neutral is good.

Sooo much Love
Nora


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 16, 2022, 06:36:26 pm
Oh look at those boats masquerading as shoes. My new sketchers that came today. Figured I needed a pair not pink or animal print. I think they are cute. And fit perfectamundo.

I use my only man shoes to work in the yard.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220516/f6aa70015327e6497428bb5ad5bf6687.jpg)

Not sure about the black laces though. I have green, pink and white I can change them out with. Any opinions?


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 16, 2022, 06:47:26 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
Personally, I like BLACK laces on black shoes....
...but if you want to have a change, WHITE laces always look good on on just about any casual shoe,
especially those like yours that have white soles.

If you are feeling your feminine side, then certainly go for the PINK laces.

HUGS,
Danielle

Oh look at those boats masquerading as shoes. My new sketchers that came today. Figured I needed a pair not pink or animal print. I think they are cute. And fit perfectamundo.

I use my only man shoes to work in the yard.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220516/f6aa70015327e6497428bb5ad5bf6687.jpg)

Not sure about the black laces though. I have green, pink and white I can change them out with. Any opinions?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 19, 2022, 03:16:52 pm
Just stopping by to give you a hug, sweetie.

*megahuggles*

And looking forward to seeing which avatar you use next! <3
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 19, 2022, 03:43:21 pm
Just stopping by to give you a hug, sweetie.

*megahuggles*

And looking forward to seeing which avatar you use next! <3
That one right now us the huntress from birds of prey. Not sure who’s next. Depends how I feel.

Right now I am a little, I don’t know what I am. But my shorts are starting to not slip down over my hips easily any more. But my hips still look the same. I don’t see them any different. I can get them off still(barely) by sliding them down. But I definitely have to unbutton them to put them back on. Also I thought my wife was going to use my bag. I had a couple of key chains attached to it for decoration. But took them off so my wife can use it and I have no clue where I put them. Looked everywhere. Except where they are. Lol. I’ll find them. But ugh!!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 19, 2022, 04:05:35 pm
That one right now us the huntress from birds of prey. Not sure who’s next. Depends how I feel.

Right now I am a little, I don’t know what I am. But my shorts are starting to not slip down over my hips easily any more. But my hips still look the same. I don’t see them any different. I can get them off still(barely) by sliding them down. But I definitely have to unbutton them to put them back on. Also I thought my wife was going to use my bag. I had a couple of key chains attached to it for decoration. But took them off so my wife can use it and I have no clue where I put them. Looked everywhere. Except where they are. Lol. I’ll find them. But ugh!!

Lol people don't see themselves the same even when they clearly aren't. Because it's a gradual process. I lost like 120 lbs and still think I'm a fat cow, even though all my clothes from way back look like they could comfortably hold 2 of me :P

You need one of those beeping things where you clap your hands and stuff beeps at you ;D
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 19, 2022, 06:21:23 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
  *** Your Birthday to recognize today, May 20th ***
All of us here on the Forums are wishing YOU
....a very :icon_flower: :icon_flower: Happy Birthday :icon_flower: :icon_flower:
     :icon_birthday:   :icon_birthday:    :icon_birthday:    :icon_birthday:
I hope that your special day includes time with family and friends...
... with  Candles and CAKE.

***NOTE: On your May 20th Birthday be certain to check your profile for a special birthday surprise! :)

Warm regards and best wishes on your special day and birthday.
Danielle
               (http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-j1nFHokRHDU/UGAGwMtVPKI/AAAAAAAABcc/9qGbj2cwd4g/s1600/birthday-smiley-face.jpg)
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Allison R on May 20, 2022, 05:12:42 am
Happy Birthday Nora!!!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on May 20, 2022, 07:41:59 am
Have a happy birthday dear.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 20, 2022, 11:08:12 pm
Happy Birthday Nora!!!
Thank you very much!! It means a lot.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 20, 2022, 11:09:16 pm
Have a happy birthday dear.

Thank you so much! It very much appreciated.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 20, 2022, 11:14:14 pm
And a very special thanks to @EllenW
I had a great time having lunch with her on my birthday. She would not let me pay. It was awesome to talk to someone live. Yay!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: TXSara on May 21, 2022, 03:30:32 am
And a very special thanks to @EllenW
I had a great time having lunch with her on my birthday. She would not let me pay. It was awesome to talk to someone live. Yay!

That's wonderful!  I'm so glad you're able to get out and have some REAL human interaction.  It's not like I don't enjoy talking with y'all online, but it's a lot harder to give someone a big hug with letters and numbers.  My local support network is what keeps me going when things are a little rough.

~Sara
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: EllenW on May 21, 2022, 10:15:57 am
And a very special thanks to @EllenW
I had a great time having lunch with her on my birthday. She would not let me pay. It was awesome to talk to someone live. Yay!

Nora,
You are most welcome. I enjoyed our talk.

Ellen
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 22, 2022, 08:00:04 pm
Kind of bored today. Did not really feel like doing anything earlier today. I was down a little because my wife is not here with me and I miss her. I am better now. Getting some cleaning done and trying to get the garage( my office ) in order.

I have been thinking on when we switch between what we think the world wants us to be and what we really want to be. Right now I don’t care anymore(well maybe a tiny bit) what the world thinks I should be. Let’s look at how silly it seems to me now. Before I could not be dressed as myself to be on the phone. For some reason I had to be in my male clothes. That’s a weird one. Also I could not work around the house unless in my guy clothes. That one I don’t get either. I have come so far lately. Where I live my neighbors behind me are 2 story houses two of those can definitely see into our back yard. I  never worried about what they saw or could see. I was always back there picking up the dog poop im a skirt. I have always gone in the back yard. Totally dressed. But would not talk on the phone. Lol. I had not even realized I had been going in my back yard for my 2 neighbors to see if they wanted all this time. If they have seen anything. Not a peep. I guess it shows how much we worry about thing that don’t matter. No body cares what you wear in your back yard. Or to the door. Or to get the mail. Or to check if your car doors ar locked. Nothing has really changed since I quit caring. It’s my life and I have to live it. So if it makes me happy. I am doing it. 
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on May 23, 2022, 02:50:02 am
Own it dear, as far as I am concerned its the only way forward .
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 23, 2022, 04:53:46 pm
Ok I found this in another post and I have been reading it and re reading it. In my opinion it works. I have been doing this since I read it. I don’t need acceptance. I just need respect.

Hi Paige
I don’t know why, but I never had a challenge transitioning. Early on in my transition, I had often heard from those who had transitioned that I needed to follow their roadmap for transition. I’ve never believed in following others. I did lots of research online about lots of topics and came to my own conclusions.
My therapist said, and I still believe, hormones don’t make you a woman. So I believed early on not to expect miracles from HRT. What I believed from therapist, is she said living full time as Nina, gaining experience is what would help me.
As each passing day, I learned to look at people in the eye, not look at the ground, and smile a lot. The more I did this, the happier I was when met with a smile. I never felt ashamed of who I was. Sure, I always felt people were judging me, but hey, take a walk through WalMart or grocery store...people are in sweatpants, no makeup, etc.
My therapist, as well as others said I needed to get my voice right. I went to half a dozen sessions with a voice therapist. I found the work hard, it felt fake, and I quit.
Year two of transition was my breakthrough. No longer did I see my former self in the mirror. I saw Nina. I reminded myself daily I was Nina...and that this is is the face and body I’ve been blessed with. I discounted any benefit at my age (45 years then) of facial or vocal surgery.
I joined Meetup.com to meet people in my city. Whether it was camping, hiking, euchre get togethers, movies....whatever...no one cared about my voice. No one criticized me. No one misgendered me. I felt like I was fitting in all the more.

Now 10 years later, I know no longer dress up to be “girly.” I dress how I want, not how others need to see me. I don’t pretend with my voice. I haven’t worn makeup since last year.
Just got back from Spain after a two week vacation. It was a big test for me as I’ve never flown as Nina. Whether at the airport,on the plane to Spain, the time in Spain...no one noticed. No one said anything. I got “ma’am” and “miss” everywhere.

So after 10 years, my conclusion is if you believe in yourself, surgeries are not necessary other than GCS if that’s important. When I transitioned 10 years ago, I never envisioned I would have had GCS, but as time went on, it became much more important to me.

Attitude, confidence, and not giving a <not allowed> what others think is why I’m thriving.

It’s working. Anxieties are down. Today I decided to wear a bra that put them out there a little. And I have gotten a couple looks. But confidence is high. So no anxiety about it. Take me or leave me.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 24, 2022, 11:45:16 am
One thing I have to remember is I am barely 5 months into my transition and I have done nothing besides hormones. So me being impatient is not going to change things.

So everyone telling you the only permanent hair removal is electrolosis. Don’t believe them. My arms back and chest tell a different story. Hormones and ripping the hairs out removes some of the hair permanently. Can you imagine the cost to remove the jungle I used to call my chest would have cost if I did hair removal first. Wow! is all I have to say. It did not rid every hair but 95% is pretty darn good to me 

Today I am going to a sugaring place to get my facial hair ripped out. I don’t think it will be right away. Or am I expecting it to work as good as my chest. But if it thins it out, that’s all I want. I have a new lotion to try that is supposed to be used after hair removal to slow then stop hair regrowth. If this works I’ll save a bunch. But if it does not, I won’t be wondering. It has good reviews so I’m hoping.

I contacted this place because of all the great reviews and the fact they answer every review. Also they have a consultation thru text. So on letting her know I am transgender and may look like more of a old man right now than a woman, I got this back from her.

“Let’s do an in person consult no cost, I would love to set up a game plan with you there’s lots of services to help boost you to your goals and I’d love to help you get there and feel your best during the journey! If you’ve done hair removal before on the hormones you’ll be fine! You can go ahead and book that then we can add the consult with that appointment.”

So that’s encouraging. I will let you guys know how it goes. I have to get plenty of water drank before I go. Best to be hydrated before ripping out hair. Lol

Think I’ll look for a nail salon up there since I may be up there a lot.


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on May 24, 2022, 02:39:01 pm
How did it go?
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 24, 2022, 08:35:44 pm
Ouch!
No seriously it went well. But the hair on my face is not long enough yet. But based on the way the rest of my body has reacted to sugaring it should thin out quite a bit if not all the way gone.

So today we did a Brazilian instead. And some of my stomach. So still ouch. But not bad. Been there done that. Not much hair anywhere that’s left. Yay. She checked my back and hair is gone except for literally 4 hairs she said. Gone now. She looked at my chest and said not enough to worry about. Epilator doing a great job. Can you imagine if I did electrolosis before hormones. That’s an ouch to the pocket book. She was amazed at my arms. Peach fuzz nothing else. I mean cis women have more hair on their bodies than I do.

So kind of weird, I have been naked in front of others before. But really first time checking my body for hair to see what needed sugaring and what I can get myself. I felt like a woman for the first time in front of someone like that. I don’t know how to explain it. Especially when going over my chest. So ya that happened today.

So, oh my god!! They do a lot of things there. A lot of new technology things you can do instead of surgeries. Like upper and lower eyes. Micro needling. Skin tightening. She has someone that comes in and does fillers and Botox. Not much they don’t do there skin wise.

And transgender friendly. Yes!! I love her!! She is awesome. Totally worth the hour drive. I will not go anywhere else now. We talked about so many different things. It was like we were just having a visit. Barely noticed she was removing hair where she was. In the place only my wife gets to see. Lol. The last place, 10 minutes from me. That had awesome reviews, I was not comfortable going back. Just did not feel like a friendly place to me. Yes they were friendly. But I am a vibe person. And the vibe there was no bueno.

In case you can’t tell. I am happy with this place.

So I go back next Tuesday and Thursday. Tuesday for facial hair and Thursday for my spray tan.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on May 25, 2022, 10:18:24 am
Wowowow! So glad you found a tech at a clinic that you really connect with - that's huge. I've been looking for a place to try out a makeover and finding someone that is specifically trans-allied is much harder than I thought. All of this stuff is hard enough; you need someone who is on your side. I'm so glad you found her.

And I have to agree on the hairs. My chest hair grows really slowly since HRT and the waxing I've done seems to have an impact on the density my chest and thighs. Also, what they say about hair growth changing in the "bikini area" seems to be true.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on May 26, 2022, 04:06:45 pm
Wowowow! So glad you found a tech at a clinic that you really connect with - that's huge. I've been looking for a place to try out a makeover and finding someone that is specifically trans-allied is much harder than I thought. All of this stuff is hard enough; you need someone who is on your side. I'm so glad you found her.

And I have to agree on the hairs. My chest hair grows really slowly since HRT and the waxing I've done seems to have an impact on the density my chest and thighs. Also, what they say about hair growth changing in the "bikini area" seems to be true.

Since going in there I think about how I was treated and I start to tear up with happy tears. I have been treated well at most places but the vibe and the way she treated me was the best so far. I mean I had a feeling before I even went in but this exceeded what I was expecting. Needless to say I am already scheduled to go back. I go next Thursday and Saturday. Getting facial hair removed then getting my tan. Once I know what my complexion is going to be I can order my foundation and concealer. Having patience sucks. And I ain't going to lie, not shaving my face until next Thursday is going to suck. lol So I have pretty much accepted myself and wont let who else does or does not affect me. I know how awesome I am. LOL
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on June 01, 2022, 04:38:47 pm
Ugh, finally getting hair on my face removed. Starting to bug the heck out of me. It’s all itchy and stuff. Wife’s home from vacation. I am a mess with out her. Slept  terribly  without her next to me. All I need is her. I think we are going to be fine. Just a hunch. But you can feel the love just being next to her. She missed me. Lol. Um… what else. Good thing I have her. She is it. And maybe my friend who dog sits for us. She is like my sister. Going to be working on her 2 Volkswagen bugs she just inherited and had delivered to her house. Should be fun.

Oh turns out you can’t say anything to people you think you can. But hey I’m used to that. Bunch of haters and backstabbers. Good thing in my life I am the most important person. I love myself and do not need anybody else for validation.

And hey if people want to chase others away because they don’t believe what they think they should then I get to watch it all crash and burn. Lol

I really wish people would not pretend to care. And then when you are not exactly the kind of transgender person they think all other transgender people should be they ghost you. But hey why not be just like the people you say your not like. Lol. Everybody’s poop stinks and now I know who’s is the worst. Lol

I love everybody. And will be there if you need me just PM me and find out. Even if you don’t believe a single thing I do. I can still repect you. Don’t have to agree on anything to respect each other. And love one another.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on June 02, 2022, 02:51:45 am
Classic VW beetles? My daughter still has her Drag 68 bug that one day will go back on the road.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Allison R on June 02, 2022, 08:41:28 am
Your optimism is inspiring Nora. Give'm Helsinki.

Allison
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on June 08, 2022, 07:33:50 pm
Classic VW beetles? My daughter still has her Drag 68 bug that one day will go back on the road.
Ugh, my love for the air cooled VW. I am priced out of that Hobby now. Maybe one day. Lol
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on June 08, 2022, 08:01:41 pm
Ok now that I got that out. Lol. I had my beard ripped off my face. And have to say. What the heck was I thinking. Lol. It freakin hurt. But it was temporary. It hurt about as bad as my first Brazilian. So next time it should hurt less. The night of I had to put a flannel pillow case on my pillow because my face was sweating profusely. Then after that my previously oily skin is dry as heck. Still super dry. I am at my wits end. Dryness won’t go away. Maybe just time. Any suggestions??Also gray stubble the next day. Can’t see it but can feel it. Not even sure it’s stubble. It could be the dry skin. Have to wait and see.

My wife had a small fit the day of. She was upset I would never have a goatee again. But the next day she was better and now back to normal.

Ok I don’t know if I am just doing something different or if they are really growing. But I went to put my c cup bra on and I could not get it on. And my boobs look bigger. Not quite sure though. My b cup bras still fit. My boobs do look hella good in a b cup though. But I am about to try on the one D cup my wife has. The weird thing. At least to me is she is the same band size as me but she looks so much smaller than me and is smaller than me. Band wise. She is a DD cup wise. So in that sense she is bigger. So I don’t know. But what ever. It just is. I just count my blessings. One less surgery for me. NA NA NA NA NA   Lol.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on June 08, 2022, 09:06:40 pm
Bullies suck


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: ChrissyRyan on June 08, 2022, 09:50:02 pm
Bullies suck


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@Nora Kay



Nora,

Yes, they do.  So do creepers.


Chrissy
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on June 09, 2022, 03:00:37 pm
Bullies suck


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100% agreed.

Nora, what's going on? Email me if you want, sweetie. I noticed you haven't been around as much. I can tell by your avatar something ain't right. Talk to me.

*hugs*
Title: Doctors
Post by: Nora Kay on June 23, 2022, 01:07:13 pm
So Meh. Lol
Chiropractor yesterday. It’s about time. I am such a lazy blank. Don’t know why I procrastinate until I am in excruciating pain before I decide to go. Good thing I only had to wait a week to get in.

Today it was the endo. I love her so much. And since she is 99% trans patients it is a very comfortable atmosphere. Trans coming out went your walking in and trans walking in when you leave. Got to love it.

I have been on full dose but not for my metabolism. She has upped the amount each time I’ve gone in. Supposed to get to 4 months and just barely making 2 months. Maybe I’ll get 3 this time. Good thing I don’t have to wait until my labs come in before I get reupped. We go by feel base on my history. And this time she is prescribing me pills or injections to keep me good. Once my levels start to drop. So I won’t go through feeling terrible again. It sucks.

Always feel better when I leave. She gives me an injection to get me back quicker to feeling better.   

Asked if I should still be growing in the chest area because I am about to buy a D Cup bra. She said yes. So there is that. With my build. A D Cup is probably going to look the best.

And I made sure today they accurately measured my height. Started this at 6-2 and now I am officially 5-10. Even the doctor said wow.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Maid Marion on June 23, 2022, 04:51:48 pm
Hi Nora Kay

Three inches is a lot of height to lose!  Wow!

Marion
Title: Re: Doctors
Post by: TXSara on June 24, 2022, 03:20:43 pm
I have been on full dose but not for my metabolism. She has upped the amount each time I’ve gone in. Supposed to get to 4 months and just barely making 2 months. Maybe I’ll get 3 this time. Good thing I don’t have to wait until my labs come in before I get reupped. We go by feel base on my history. And this time she is prescribing me pills or injections to keep me good. Once my levels start to drop. So I won’t go through feeling terrible again. It sucks.

Always feel better when I leave. She gives me an injection to get me back quicker to feeling better.   

And I made sure today they accurately measured my height. Started this at 6-2 and now I am officially 5-10. Even the doctor said wow.

OK, I’m confused.  The doctor doesn’t modulate your dosing based on blood levels?  I’m surprised.  I guess as long as she is paying close attention to all of your other panels, it would be OK.  No way that would fly with my doctor.

Is it common for us to get shorter after starting HRT?  I haven’t checked in a while, but I’m pretty sure I’m still 5’7”.

~Sara
Title: Re: Doctors
Post by: Nora Kay on June 27, 2022, 04:14:12 pm
OK, I’m confused.  The doctor doesn’t modulate your dosing based on blood levels?  I’m surprised.  I guess as long as she is paying close attention to all of your other panels, it would be OK.  No way that would fly with my doctor.

Is it common for us to get shorter after starting HRT?  I haven’t checked in a while, but I’m pretty sure I’m still 5’7”.

~Sara

Remember I’ve done this with her before. And instead of jumping to my previous levels. We are getting back there gradually. So if my levels are not in when I go into the office. She bases it off how I feel and when I start feeling bad. Then she double checks when the levels come in. She is pretty much Transgender only. So the fact we are still getting my levels back to where they were and her expertise I trust her more than any regular endo. No offense to regular endos. But E and P work a little different in us than cis women.

And the height thing in my opinion would be more age and injuries than hrt. But I’ll take it. And I am sure HRT helps. I have read some younger ones losing a couple inches. Now if I could get the feet to shrink. Lol.

And last thing goes out to people worrying about boobs showing. I quit caring as much. I spent the day with my dog sitter yesterday working on her car. And now I also meet the mail man daily to mail my packages and either they don’t notice or don’t say anything. I see them. But don’t think others do or really care. Lol
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on July 14, 2022, 01:38:39 am
Ah, been away for a while. Starting to feel better as my hormones are getting to their proper level.  It’s weird I don’t feel any different. But definitely different. I definitely do not fit in, in this community. But that’s fine. I’ll be judged for believing what I actually believe, not what others think I should believe because I am trans. Don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings so I won’t go into it. I did take a few things going on in real life out on here and for that I am sorry. But that’s life and if friendships can’t last thru someone finding themselves then I guess that’s what’s supposed to be. I know who I am. I am who I feel I am at the moment. Maybe I am Nora right now and in 10 minutes I will be Norm. I have been limiting myself to being someone who fits in some mold the majority has made for me. I don’t fit in it and I will never fit in it. I won’t be having bottom surgery. And definitely won’t be needing top surgery. I’m a large C-Cup and growing according to my doctor. NA NA NA NA. Lol. It’s amazing what Biodentical Pellets can do. 😜 There are a few surgeries I will have but they will be minor. Or at least I consider them minor. Just a few rearrangements. Today I just gave up to of my last 2 vices. I gave up meat and energy drinks. Don’t drink don’t smoke, what do you do? Nothing. Lol. I also think part of my attitude in the past has been the amount of pain I was in. Now that I don’t have as much I am way more clear. It’s funny, about 2 weeks ago, I was the closest I had ever been to killing myself than I had ever been before. I held and air gun to my head to see what it felt like. The good thing is I realized I did not want to do it. But I also realized I could have. But I also realized why I was feeling the way I was. Nothing is that bad. Nothing is worth doing that. I won that fight. The things that cause my pain no longer has a hold on me. Nothing has that power anymore. Words, looks, what someone “might” think, even the physical pain does not control me anymore. When it affects you it gives the power.

Much love as always
Nora ✌️
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on July 14, 2022, 03:07:01 am
Nobody "fits in" ,we are all different . I know that my life is not the normal , I am just me so take me or leave me . Just live your happy life what ever that is and be comfortable .
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Rachel Montgomery on July 14, 2022, 01:41:18 pm
I feel it too.  I am so weird!  But, I am getting to know myself, slowly but surely. 

There was a time when I was extremely depressed.  I don’t think I will ever go back there.  I hope I won’t.  And, I am confident that I won’t, barring a painful terminal condition with not cure.  But, regardless guns are NOT the way to go.  Sudden, but messy.  And, then the guns get in trouble over it.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Courtney G on July 14, 2022, 07:48:55 pm
It sounds like you've really been working through some stuff, Nora. It's ugly sometimes and it's painful, but I think sometimes it has to happen that way. It's the only way we can get to where we need to, as the shortcuts never work.

I haven't been on here that much, but I do check in. Please stay in touch!

Love,
Courtney
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on August 03, 2022, 03:53:47 pm
Wow, way on the second page. Lol. No real updates. Slowly and surely I guess. It is super thin but I actually have a defined hairline again. Been lazy on that front. I should have ordered some rosemary oil that my aesthetician recommended. And then follow up with the hair doctor. A newer epilator means less pain. Hair is not coming back in most places. Gained a little weight back. But losing again. There is no doubt any more. Nobody cares that I have breasts. I don’t even watch what I wear anymore. They show no matter how much I try to hide them. Even in a tight sports bra. Just tired of hiding them. So I don’t care much anymore. Every once and a while I might try to hide them. It’s one thing to wear my skirts in the back yard when all my rear neighbors are 2 story and can see down. But now I go on the front walkway to get my mail. Who’s gonna say what? And why would I care.  Lol
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: davina61 on August 04, 2022, 03:38:51 am
Most folk don't care or notice , next thing is going to the store!!
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on August 04, 2022, 10:58:23 am
Most folk don't care or notice , next thing is going to the store!!

Going to the store wearing what? Lol. Breast wise I am so used to it I barely notice what top I am wearing. But in a skirt that may take a while. But I love love love skirts/skorts. So much, I would almost always wear them if I could. But I do like a good pair of bell bottom jeans. When summer is over I will start wearing those.

I don’t know what I am doing transition wise. I am lazy. If I put half of what someone like maybe TXSara does I would be so much farther. I admire her a lot. Just calling her out for this example. If I listed everybody I admired and the reasons why we would be here all day.

I don’t try like others do. The breasts grew. The hair seems to stay off when I epilate. I don’t need to tuck. It just falls in place. I guess that just me. Part of it is I am tired when I get to myself. My wife works. And she works hard. Pays everything. But that’s it. I do everything else. She thinks it’s fair. I agree to a point. But it’s the small things. Like leaving trash on the counter when the can is in the cupboard right below the counter. But she is good to me. Wants me happy. So I can’t really complain. I usually get what I want. To a point. Lol

Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: TXSara on August 04, 2022, 03:43:26 pm
I don’t know what I am doing transition wise. I am lazy. If I put half of what someone like maybe TXSara does I would be so much farther. I admire her a lot. Just calling her out for this example. If I listed everybody I admired and the reasons why we would be here all day.

Awwww, Thanks Nora!!  I really appreciate the shout-out.  You're right that am a total "try hard" girl.  It drives my wife crazy LOL.  Hopefully it'll all work out -- I like to tell my girls to shoot for the stars, and then when you just get to the moon, it's still pretty dang good.

~Sara
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on August 05, 2022, 11:34:14 am
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220805/7bd53aac1aa5a37dfe2b0331d143ad13.jpg)
My wife brought this home for me. And the signatures are 100% Authentic. It’s not like I am a hard core fan. But always watch it when my wife has it on. But anyway, I love it. Even though I am more of a punk or goth type. I still love girly girl things too!


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 05, 2022, 12:54:05 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora Kay:
Wow, very nice that your wife got that picture for you.... 
...enjoy the acceptance from her whenever it comes your way.

Thank you for sharing and posting.
HUGS,
Danielle


(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220805/7bd53aac1aa5a37dfe2b0331d143ad13.jpg)
My wife brought this home for me. And the signatures are 100% Authentic. It’s not like I am a hard core fan. But always watch it when my wife has it on. But anyway, I love it. Even though I am more of a punk or goth type. I still love girly girl things too!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Sephirah on August 05, 2022, 03:32:55 pm
I want to say that's the cast of Sex and the City?

I don't watch much TV but I kind of vaguely know who those people are. Particularly Sarah. And Kim to a lesser extent. I never watched that show, but that's kind of cool. :)
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on August 05, 2022, 09:53:36 pm
I want to say that's the cast of Sex and the City?

I don't watch much TV but I kind of vaguely know who those people are. Particularly Sarah. And Kim to a lesser extent. I never watched that show, but that's kind of cool. :)

Yuppers. You are right. I’ve only watched it because if my wife. And I watch way to much TV. But I am working on it.
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on August 05, 2022, 10:05:40 pm
I have a problem. Lol. I keep buying Doc Martens. And other shoes. And I can get away with it because if my wife says anything I just show her her in game purchases for the bingo game she plays. Which is way more than my shoes. Lol. Here are my newest. Docs. I have a pair of sandals. Low top all white pair and a pair of Sex Pistols boots I got for over half price. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220806/0c926126b904db4bf610816c7a3c18c3.jpg)


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Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 05, 2022, 10:17:38 pm
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
Nice picture .....  enjoy your purchases.... 

Thank you for sharing and keep posting your updates.

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: TXSara on August 05, 2022, 11:38:43 pm
Dang Nora, those are some pretty sweet looking Docs!  I’m resting my feet right now because I’m a doofus who wears heels to go dancing.  This is the band’s third set, and I’m not sure I’m gonna make it.  Those Docs look really good right now LOL.  OK, enough rest.  😉

~Sara
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Nora Kay on August 11, 2022, 10:27:04 am
Just an observation. Wearing a tank top over the bra under the oversized tshirt makes them less noticeable. No tank top with the same tshirt gets noticed. Nobody says anything but you just know when someone is looking at your chest. Lol. I think in November we may be going on a family cruise. All my in laws and a few friends may be going. That should be interesting. Strangers are one thing. But family will be stressful. Out to nobody but my wife. 😜
Title: Re: Today's Thoughts by Nora Kay
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 11, 2022, 11:57:08 am
Just an observation. Wearing a tank top over the bra under the oversized tshirt makes them less noticeable. No tank top with the same tshirt gets noticed. Nobody says anything but you just know when someone is looking at your chest. Lol. I think in November we may be going on a family cruise. All my in laws and a few friends may be going. That should be interesting. Strangers are one thing. But family will be stressful. Out to nobody but my wife. 😜
@Nora Kay
Dear Nora:
Yes indeed, a "size too small" tank top and oversized T-shirt should work well ... it helps to not only hide your growing "girls" but does a good job of "dimming" the High Beams.

Wishing your well as you have more encounters with those family members and friends that you have not yet come out to.
HUGS,
Danielle