If you're like me and you just wish you were born in the "right" body then this is the thread for you. So, the question is if you weren't transgender how would your life be different? This is pretty unclear to me. I do wish I was born biologically female but then at the same time would I really appreciate it that much or would I be more focused on feminism for example.
It can be tough to say. I feel like just the right to be feminine is a battle I fight as a transgender female, but it seems like most genetic females are more focused on the opposite being seen as equal to a man.
So honestly I don't know how I might be different, but I have thought about this plenty of times before and wonder if anybody else here does too?
Unlike some, the condition has been a bigger barrier to me. I didn't find it easy to date, I drifted through life unable to focus, I suffered anxiety and pervasive depression, I did not get married, I did not have children. The life I've had is one on the fringes of society, and after transitioning I begin to see why. The HRT took away the anxiety, the lack of focus and began to instil a sense of normality in me. However it is too late for me to regain a "normal life" most likely.
I notice many trans people did not have this issue. They have careers, kids, even grandkids. It did not stop them from progressing at least part-way to a normal life.
I expect had I been either cis or in the "correct" configuration of brain and body, I would have probably honed in on my desired career and had a family by now.
"What if?" has so many possible outcomes that speculation becomes pointless. If I wasn't transgender female, what would I be? Cis male? Cis female? And that is only the beginning of the possibilities.
All I can really say is that, if my life had not gone in the direction is did, it would have gone in some other direction. On the whole, I am rather pleased at the outcome, and the journey has been interesting to say the least. Speculation on other journeys? No thanks. I'll read fiction if I want that.
Hi ya, If I were born "cis - female" instead, I would not be here on the trans board typing today :) I'd be off in my life somewhere living as most women do in western culture today (i think I answered similar in another topic a few days ago).
But since that is not the case, I instead created the best life I could for myself given the cards I was dealt. I focus on going forward to realize the best outcome in the long run. Like my mother used to say "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit :)"
Thanks for asking
Cynthia -
Being transgender is a source of strength and diversity of experience for me. I would never choose not to be anything but who and what I am. The question of 'right' and 'wrong' body are pointless. Its my body. It didn't match all that well so I modified it... but its always been mine and I'm happy to be in it.
Quote from: CosmicJoke on March 24, 2019, 05:30:20 PM
...So, the question is if you weren't transgender how would your life be different?
I lived a life before I became transgender. It was an ever-searching place where I had cloudy thinking, knew something wasn't quite right yet had no idea what "it" was. I went through over 50K in medical testing trying to find the source of strange symptoms that no medical Doctor could find the answer. Once I came out all of my strange symptoms vanished. Today I have a life I never knew existed. I see things in a different light.
So how was my life different? Well, it was very different to say the least. I'm happy my old life is almost over and a new one has begun.
Sophia
I would have had a more normal and productive life
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Others may not agree, and I will respect and love them anyway.
But this is a seriously f***ed up question. What good can it do, and how much harm could it cause?
We are trans. We didn't ask for it, but it's here. We have the wrong bodies for who we are; well, big deal! We are still who we are. Wondering what might have been is a recipe for depression.
Get out there and be proud and self-confident. That's all that's important.
Very. I would be an alpha male, hanging with the other male ex military guys, and being alot less socially isolated. Being transgender now only means I have to accomodate myself in regards to employment, social, financial. Times are still backwards when it comes to being TG, sorry to say, it will take another 10 or more years for society to accept tg culturally way more, than it is now. Culture moves at a snail's pace and permeates everything, its what holds societies and societies together and is invisible.
Well seeing as we wouldn't be transgender then you would have been the male or female and inside and outside will mach you where born as. Not the gender that you feel inside.
This is a very toxic question to ask on a forum like this.
I think in the end you will never know how life would be different just like a non transgender person can't even grasp how life is different for us. So this is not the right place to ask this and might lead to some transgender people with a feeling of being deprived because they can't have a different life. All we know is this life.
Sure most of us tried to live a normal life but it was never anything really normal.
Hello again CosmicJoke
I have thought about it many times over the years but there is no point as we cannot change either the events leading up to our birth or any happening in the past.
Yes life would have been different but beyond that, who knows? I might have been happy or unhappy, successful or unsuccessful, physically or mentally well or unwell, rich or poor. I shall never know.
All I wish to do is concentrate on the present and the future which to some extent we can change. I intend to have a damn good attempt at enjoying the rest of my life as what I am a transgender woman. I am publicly transitioning in Summer.
Hoping you may all enjoy your life and Hugs to all!
Pamela xx
It would have been far more boring.
barbie~~
Quote from: barbie on March 25, 2019, 08:45:29 AM
It would have been far more boring.
barbie~~
Perfect answer! x
Would merely be existing in this world rather than living in it. x
This type of "what if" question does crop up now and again, both on here and in "real life". What if I wasn't trans and was able to live my life as a man? What if I was born the female I feel that I should have been? What if I'd transitioned as a child and was able to go on blockers etc? All entirely futile as its a life that doesn't exist (outside of the Many-World's Interpretation Theory anyway)
I know each to their own as how they view being trans. Some are able to stand up and be counted, and are proud and glad of being trans, and frankly awesome to them - I'm jealous of that approach. I can't. I hate every single bit of being trans. But I have my daughter. And she is my absolute world. I don't think it too far hyperbole to say that she could well be the reason that I'm here today. And on any "what if" scenario she wouldn't be. So although I absolutely despise being trans in this world, it is infinitely preferable to any world where my little girl isn't in it
Quote from: emma-f on March 25, 2019, 07:09:38 PM
This type of "what if" question does crop up now and again, both on here and in "real life". What if I wasn't trans and was able to live my life as a man? What if I was born the female I feel that I should have been? What if I'd transitioned as a child and was able to go on blockers etc? All entirely futile as its a life that doesn't exist (outside of the Many-World's Interpretation Theory anyway)
I know each to their own as how they view being trans. Some are able to stand up and be counted, and are proud and glad of being trans, and frankly awesome to them - I'm jealous of that approach. I can't. I hate every single bit of being trans. But I have my daughter. And she is my absolute world. I don't think it too far hyperbole to say that she could well be the reason that I'm here today. And on any "what if" scenario she wouldn't be. So although I absolutely despise being trans in this world, it is infinitely preferable to any world where my little girl isn't in it
That's a good way to look at it. Thank you for sharing. When you have someone that you think of besides yourself, I suppose that changes everything.
Quote from: Amoré on March 25, 2019, 05:58:00 AM
This is a very toxic question to ask on a forum like this.
Disagree. It was thinking of this exact question that allowed me to hone in on the details of my transsexual condition in the first place, and enabled me to identify the sort of trans person I was, the severity of the issues I had and from there begin to find the path to dealing with it.
Quote from: Gertrude on March 24, 2019, 11:22:15 PM
I would have had a more normal and productive life
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I think this fits me because of all the time I have spent trying to figure things out. I think of it as something others cant help me much with so it is difficult to navigate. But there are other things in life that have been difficult too.
Quote from: Josie_L on March 25, 2019, 06:36:55 PM
Would merely be existing in this world rather than living in it. x
You are optimistic like me. Another half of people can be pessimistic.
barbie~~
Quote from: MikeP on March 26, 2019, 08:59:19 PM
I think this fits me because of all the time I have spent trying to figure things out. I think of it as something others cant help me much with so it is difficult to navigate. But there are other things in life that have been difficult too.
Yup
I would have not lost the greatest love of my life being in the right body. That's the only thing that destroyed it. Before it ends, it was fulfilling in so many ways, this person changed my life forever and I'm still suffering of this huge loss. And for me it's everything, for the few relations i was able to have in my entire life. Tasted paradise and lost it just because I'm not what I'm supposed to look like, is about how my life is just a big joke. I often thought it would have been better to never happen, but I cannot wish this...If I'm able to find a way to live, it will be because of this person. But I'm still not there.
Otherwise I would clearly have less issues to find someone. And it's not even easier if I endorse my biological body, my needs don't fit with the social programming associated to it. You know, what a gender expect of another, statistically...Things that I need and that I'm supposed to offer on my side... It would need someone really special to workaround this, so I'm stuck. I would also have the same anxiety and depression issues probably, but I'm sure that overall everything would be better.
Quote from: Purplewisp on March 27, 2019, 07:10:04 PM
I would have not lost the greatest love of my life being in the right body. That's the only thing that destroyed it. Before it ends, it was fulfilling in so many ways, this person changed my life forever and I'm still suffering of this huge loss. And for me it's everything, for the few relations i was able to have in my entire life. Tasted paradise and lost it just because I'm not what I'm supposed to look like, is about how my life is just a big joke. I often thought it would have been better to never happen, but I cannot wish this...If I'm able to find a way to live, it will be because of this person. But I'm still not there.
Otherwise I would clearly have less issues to find someone. And it's not even easier if I endorse my biological body, my needs don't fit with the social programming associated to it. You know, what a gender expect of another, statistically...Things that I need and that I'm supposed to offer on my side... It would need someone really special to workaround this, so I'm stuck. I would also have the same anxiety and depression issues probably, but I'm sure that overall everything would be better.
I feel for you, Purplewisp. Wishing you a great big hug.
As to the question at hand, I honestly don't know how I would be different. I spent most of my life putting up mental barriers against my female identify so that I behaved as I perceived a male should, and I'm only now recognizing and undoing them. But I guess the reality is, as much as I want my body to match the real me, I wouldn't change it if I could. I would have never married my best friend, and I wouldn't have two beautiful children.
I probably wouldn't have been hospitalized three times.
I wouldn't have had the experiences I've had.
I, perhaps, wouldn't have the strength, empathy, and resilience I do today--at least, not the same amount.
I would be a woman. I'm not a man with gender dysphoria; I'm a woman. So if I wasn't trans, then I would have been born a cis-female.
While it would have been easier, I will not forsake my trials and tribulations for the easy route out.
I'm an Amazon woman for a reason.
I've dreamed of it for as long as I can remember. However, I can't sit here and pretend like I know what it would have been like. I think a given is that I would have been at least half as melodramatic and depressed in my teenage years. I still remember several years back when I found my diaries from way back when, I noticed that instantly after I recognized once and for all that I am transgender, I instantly became super melodramatic. Lol. It's funny now, but I actually hate myself for that, because being transgender was really my only life problem back then.
That's all I can really come up with. It's just not possible to know.
To be honest, a lot of my life experiences haven't been gendered. However, were I born male a few things would be very different.
firstly, i'd have been far more likely to have actually been diagnosed autistic as a child instead of being punished constantly for things I couldn't help and made to feel stupid and defective for the way my brain was wired.
I would have likely had far healthier relationships with people and my first female crush might maybe have actually reciprocated, but at the same time it's unlikely i'd have been such close friends with her (ALAS!) so maybe not.
I'd have gotten into more fights, but given the boys used to huck rocks at me anyway, not much really changes there. I'd have just been in more physical altercations because the only thing that stopped them physically hitting me was being I was "a girl".
I most probably would NOT have done ballet (I hated ballet though hah) but id' have still done drama and pottery.
My upbringing is unlikely to have been any different, I was raised extremely gender neutral anyway.
I might have worked out my sexuality earlier (I'm bi you see) or just surpressed my attraction to the same sex out of shame or fear. Hard to say.
I wouldn't have dated the same people I did date. I might have still been friends with them, but we wouldn't be a couple. So I wouldn't have the nearly 3 years with my first boyfriend who was so sweet and kind and good. I probably would have still ended up having a fling with Marc the sociopath though. Ahem.
My mental health would be better because I wouldn't have hit horrible precotious puberty at 10 and spent years feeling ashamed and dirty and wrong for it. I wouldn't have had to hide my breasts or had to endure YEARS of heavy excessive bleeding and cramps and agony, constant doctor appointments to find out WHY. It's very likely I also wouldn't have endured years of horribly painful UTIS and my poor innocent father wouldn't have been interrogated by social services the fourth time we ended up in A&E because I was peeing blood (my poor dad)
Utis are waaaaay more common in female anatomy.
i wouldn't have spent years on painkillers just to function because of the period pain and as a result I wouldn't have dropped out of my first year at university due to hormone related illness and the depression that came with it.
With that autism diagnosis and no hormonal health issues, I may very well have actually finished that degree.
I do regret dropping out but my body was just not letting me function at all. I was VERY sick.
I would likely have had the same friends, the same flatmates BUT C and I wouldn't have dated and he wouldn't have come to live with us. I don't know who we'd have lived with instead. Hmm. I might have been able to Woo J who I had an INSANE crush on but was rebuffed because she was straight lol. Oh dear beautiful J... *swoons* What can I say, I still think she's hot all these years later. *sigh*
I wouldn't have started dating my now husband (well it's unlikely anyway. We might still have flirted like crazy. He DOES like small furry men hahahah)
And because i'd be a guy, I wouldn't have my children which imo is the BIGGEST loss. One I couldn't handle. I won't live in a world without my crazy little babies. They're nuts but I love them and they were, when I really think about it, worth the years of awful just so they could exist.
An awful lot about what makes me ME wouldn't have changed, but my life would have taken a different path. I'd have different friends or be closer to some than others because of my gender. I might have ended up actually dating several of my female friends, or at least attempting to lol. Oh man, my childhood BFF would likely have never been my BFF and worse, as a result wouldn't have met one of her ex boyfriends who sent her life off in a certain direction either!
Some people wouldn't exist! and that's sad.
Conversely, had I been born a cisgender girl, a lot would have changed too. It's likely I wouldn't have been quite the same personality as I am as a result, and i'd have probably graduated and been very different but I find that honestly harder to imagine.
I suppose because the idea of me being a cisgender women is just SO wrong to my mind. I can't picture that person or what she might be like.
Would she have had the same interests? The same friends? Would she have been so awkward and had such trouble in female interactions? Would she have struggled with the hormonal disorder even worse because of the andrognising effects? How girly would she be? How much of my personality is shaped by my gender identity?
THAT I find a far larger challenge as a thought experiement. Who would I be if I were Cisgendered? I don't KNOW! Maybe I wouldn't even recognise her.