Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Blogs => Member Blogs => Topic started by: Moonflower on October 13, 2018, 05:23:09 PM

Title: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on October 13, 2018, 05:23:09 PM
I'm preparing for when my SO begins HRT, and greatly appreciate all of the leaders whom I have met here at Susan's. You all make this challenging experience so much easier as she and I discuss which teensy steps to take, and in what sequence.

I'm still the only one she has told, and I have told no one except you all here, at her request, but she asked me to talk with my therapist at my next appointment, and ask if she has any suggestions for trans resources. I'm wondering how our primary care physician will respond at the end of the month when my SO asks for her help, too.

Around 15 years ago, after we watched The Birdcage (my suggestion after I heard how much fun it was), my husband told me that he was a MTF Trans. I don't recall being surprised or appalled or anything of the sort. I was only curious what he meant, and continue to be curious about how she will proceed on her journey. I must admit that I felt a little off balance for around a year, as I wondered if there was more to the iceberg: did he have any other secrets that would surface from the depths?

I am looking forward to seeing what she decides to do as she looks to take steps to express herself more honestly. I love who she is, and that includes all of her expressions of herself. I believe that she will be healthier and happier when she is more at ease with being her honest self in public and around family and friends.

I'm looking forward to more people being able to get to know more about the beautiful person whom I fell in love with 20 years ago, and grew to love even more.

Thanks again for being here and sharing your perspective. I'm eager to reciprocate with support and enthusiasm.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: DawnOday on October 13, 2018, 07:01:59 PM
I am totally blessed. After the failure of my first marriage 43 years ago because I crossdressed and my wife found out and started an affair with one of the doctors she worked with. It was really horrible to me because Wen was my Alpha and Omega. I just could not control my urge to be the person I always knew myself to be. So when she left I had free reign to dress as I wished while I was at home. I started a relationship with Jo because being with her was better than being alone. I have only had sex with three different women in my lifetime. I was a late bloomer as my testes did not drop until my final year of highschool and my penis was always the source of ridicule in the shower room. We didn't really know what dysphoria was I just knew I hated the damn thing.
Before we married Jo found my stash of makeup and clothes and I explained to her I liked to dress as a woman because it makes me feel good and normal. She never mentioned it again and I went about my business of hiding in the closet and dressing when I could. By 1986 our son was born, how he came about is still one of the greatest mysteries known to man. But lo and behold three years later my daughter was born. Now I know how immaculate conception may have come about. I got sick and discovered my aortic valve was defective. In fact most of my heart was defective with myopathy, CHF, coronary artery disease. I had a TIA that stole enough brain cells that I could no longer do the job I had done for twenty years. It took three years to recover sufficiently to return to work. The irony is all are symptoms of DES poisoning in utero.
We moved to Seattle and I worked for Boeing about ten years before I decided I just couldn't take it any more. At the time I was approaching 300 lbs and had just too many problems. When we moved to Seattle I tried very hard to ignore my desires and I concentrated on raising the kids. About four years ago the my desire to crossdress came back with a vengeance. I spent large sums of money in cosmetics and clothes and hid them away for when I was alone. All this time I had be seeing therapists but none of them were gender therapists. It all came to a head about three years ago now when I went to my sisters and had a breakdown. I had learned my ex lived down the road and I felt I owed her an apology and let her know I had never stopped loving her. I understood why she had the affair and how I wish I could have controlled my urge. Anyway I didn't go and instead had a breakdown in sisters living room where I became a total donkey.  I told my sister there was something bothering me and it had always bothered me. I promised when I got home I would go the a therapist. So I did and within three visits to Christy we came to the conclusion I was transgender. I began HRT about three weeks later.
After reviewing resources on Susan's Place I came to the realization that it was always part of my life and that it was not something I could overcome even if I wanted to. I had hidden all these years because I allowed other peoples opinions overrule mine. There was no such thing as a transgender person until the late eighties when it was defined. I had been born with a boy body but a massively influenced hormone  provoked female brain.
I finally came out to my wife and explained everything to her. Then my kids. The response was overwhelmingly positive and has remained such. I attend support groups in the area which help me to realize I am not alone. I see a psychologist twice a month. I have taken voice lessons. I am just about clear of facial hair. But here is the but. They don't want to see me dressed up. I can sympathize because they have always known me as the Dudeman. It's a tough adjustment for them and I will not destroy a 35 year relationship over it but I also will not forgo my destiny that took so long to acknowledge. So I do my thing two three times a week. Go out to dinner with the support group girls. Dress for medical appointments etc. and wish I could have done it 50 years earlier. I guess the decision one has to make is did you marry your spouse for sex or for love I know I said earlier she was someone to talk to but eventually I realize that every tragic event, or joyous event she was at my side. She keeps me stable and protects me. I'm lucky because my wife loves me in spite of it all. She understands it is not something that came over me overnight. That I have been dealing with it a lifetime and I tried not to scribble outside the lines. I have a penis. I wish I didn't. I hope you can find it in your heart to be there for your mate and remember why you married in the first place. Was it sex or love?
XXOO
Dawn
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on October 14, 2018, 08:13:19 PM
What a story! You have accomplished so much!

You got me thinking about how odd it is that the first transgender person I was ever aware of was my spouse, except a celebrity or two. I grew up in uber-liberal communities that loved their LGB members, but the T concept was never mentioned. Feminine men were considered gay, never trans. Masculine women were lesbians. Any of us could be bisexual.

But now, I live in a very conservative community, and some of the most liberal members say that transgenderism is so common in the schools, it's just a fad and should be discouraged. I maintain my liberal principles, and argue that we all must be supportive as they explore who they are. I'm delighted that even here, everyone knows something about trans now.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 09, 2018, 08:48:38 PM
The cage door has opened a bit farther. Now, several people know, besides me  :)

My lovely one's brother responded to her coming-out letter with a positive attitude, which was a relief, but he didn't say what I was hoping for. I was hoping that he'd recall clues, and share inspiring stories of trans people whom he knows, and cheer her on.

My therapist lit up with more enthusiasm than I've ever seen in her, and gave us suggestions for who to go to for trans counseling. She kept saying, "That's Wonderful!" I asked her what she meant, and she said that my spouse's story is tragic, but expressing her true self is wonderful.

Our primary care physician had to think. She knows female-to-male professionals, and will get back to my sweetie with suggestions for male-to-female transitioning.

I called one of my therapist's suggestions: the Director of a nearby LGBT group. She put us in touch with the Board Chair of a related LGBT group (for older people), who is the one who collected a list of recommended resources for transitioning. He's in a conference this week, and then we look forward to talking with him.

These responses moved my honey to call another resource that my therapist recommended: a counseling group that my therapist said  has many transitioning clients. She's waiting for a callback for the Intake. We're reluctant to use their service: the counselors are students. We'd rather use a more experienced counselor. What do you think?

And she continues to be read as a woman, though she has made very little effort to earn such compliments. Twice last month, she came with me to doctor's appointments, and they had trouble perceiving her as my husband.

Then, inspired by @Shambles , we went purse shopping. My dearest was dressed in men's clothes, but the sales clerk called her and me, "ladies". This happens so often! I love it. I love others' confirmation of who she is.

While we were out shopping, she followed me as I explored what's currently available at the jumbo cosmetic stores nearby. I didn't realize that she had no idea what we were looking at, like what any of the products were for. I will have such fun explaining it all!

Tonight, I spent a couple hours researching nontoxic makeup products. Decades ago, I studied theater makeup for several months, but my skin was too sensitive for it, and I didn't have a willing model for experimenting. Over the years, I considered making cosmetics from kitchen ingredients. When my sweetie came out to me, I bought a top quality makeup set, but I didn't get the results I wanted. How terrific to find websites now that explain how to feminize a face, and which brands are healthiest for her very sensitive skin. https://www.ewg.org/skindeep/ (https://www.ewg.org/skindeep/) is amazing!

I'm enjoying this so much! She is renewing my interest in being a woman as she relies on me to guide her.

I hope that you find my stories uplifting and inspiring. Being the SO of a trans person has become one of my greatest joys.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on November 09, 2018, 10:09:15 PM
I was going to ask what area you live in, but I see you've already found a local support group.  It's great to see SOs that are prepared to help their partner with this sort of thing and to share it with them.  Back when I was married, my wife liked to see me in stockings or pantyhose, but that was as far as she was prepared to go.  It was only after we split that I got into full cross dressing.  I plan to start on hormones shortly.  How far are the two of you planning on taking this?
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 10, 2018, 04:35:45 AM
My SO has my full support for whatever she chooses to do, and not do. I greatly appreciate all that people shared here about orchiectomies, and urge her to read about it. For now, she is content anticipating HRT, laser, electrolysis,  more and prettier clothes, cosmetics and feminization grooming, a little voice training, and continuing to work toward presenting as a woman full time...wow! What a list! Life is exciting!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on November 10, 2018, 06:02:24 AM
Quotewow! What a list! Life is exciting!

More like wow! You're a great SO.  Many of use here wish we had someone like you.  I assume from what you say, she could wind up with full GCS.  You certainly have my support.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 11, 2018, 03:04:17 PM
@AnneK, thanks for all YOUR support here, as you help keep Susan's alive for all of us. For my part, I hope to support people like you as you reach for a supportive social network. I hope that my stories reassure you that people like me exist, and you deserve someone like me. Plenty of people have overcome being stifled, and are delighted to help others speak their truth.

My SO insists that she will not have any surgery, but as she becomes better acquainted with the stories here and with what Medicare covers, she might change her mind. Surgery terrifies me, but that's not an issue right now.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 11, 2018, 03:25:38 PM
Fun day yesterday. My SO got more involved in looking at makeup,  and even chose a lipstick and 2 nail polishes. We used both nail polishes last night, one on each hand. How marvelous for her to gaze at her colored fingers, and remark how right it felt. So funny when she kissed my forehead after I put the lipstick on her, and she left a red mark.

We chose to start with the Mineral Fusion brand because it is highly rated by the Environmental Working Group, and Amazon customers, and is available for a good price at our favorite grocery store. They even have testers there, but she's not ready to use them in public, even though she noticed a young boy squirming nearby whose mother was holding color samples up to his face. We look forward to when she can embrace such opportunities to support others.

While we were at the grocery store, someone had trouble passing us in the aisle, and said, "Excuse me, ladies." Amazing how often people read her as a woman before she has implemented many of her feminization plans. Did you hear me mention that she's afraid of presenting as a woman, and being read as a man?

Today she got two suggestions from our doctor for counselors. She emailed one, and heard back. Next step: call the counselor to set up an appointment.

I hope that you are enjoying your adventures today.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on November 11, 2018, 03:30:31 PM
QuoteMy SO insists that she will not have any surgery, but as she becomes better acquainted with the stories here and with what Medicare covers, she might change her mind.

Well, let's hope so, assuming that's also what you want.  I would have loved to have someone like you to help me, but my ex wasn't into that, beyond my wearing nylons.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 11, 2018, 06:39:56 PM
Anne, as soon as I figure out how to clone myself, I'll send a copy of me right over to you.

I am so happy to discover how perfect I am for my spouse who is so perfect for me. It's not that I'm transamorous; I  don't find trans people more appealing than others. It's not that I'm a lesbian or bisexual or asexual; I bonded to my sweetheart, regardless of sex. We were struck by Cupid's bow at first glance, and are continuously amazed by how deep our love is for each other, and how it only gets deeper. We went through really painful relationships before we met.
QuoteI guess that the pain put us in touch with what is important to us
.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LizK on November 12, 2018, 12:26:02 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on November 11, 2018, 06:39:56 PM
..... It's not that I'm a lesbian or bisexual or asexual; I bonded to my sweetheart, regardless of sex. We were struck by Cupid's bow at first glance, and are continuously amazed by how deep our love is for each other, and how it only gets deeper. We went through really painful relationships before we met. .

Moonflower I have just found this thread and could not stop smiling as I read. I think you and you partner are what I would call "soul mates"

I tell a story about my wife and I and it goes like this....We met on the Monday, I Moved in on the Thursday, we got engaged 11 months later, Married 12 months later and still married 33 years later...Love at first sight...we are "soul mates" she loves me for who I am. I loved her the moment I set eyes on her and have never loved anyone like since or before.


Love will triumph and I am happy to be able to read about such an awesome relationship.


Take Care

Liz
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 12, 2018, 05:27:19 AM
Liz, I'm glad that you found me here. I love considering that being soul mates could be one key to happy transitioning. So many people here are hurting because they or their SOs are opposed to trans concepts. Surely love flattens all obstacles to growth and self expression and self actualization. For people our age, transgender and transitioning are so loaded with a history of shame and misunderstanding and fear; a supportive SO of one sort or another (a spouse, relative, therapist...) must be essential. I have the impression that the current generation has it easier, but still has the same excruciating pain when an SO drifts away or stomps off.

By the way, I always enjoy seeing your avatar. I'm fascinated by M. C. Escher and trompe l'oeil.

And, what does "571H 25M BWCA?" mean in your signature? I just discovered your GCS Story thread, and anticipate that it likely explains the meaning. See you there...
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LizK on November 12, 2018, 05:54:08 AM
Hi Moonflower

It started as a joke countdown to my Surgery in three weeks and it is read the following way

571 hours and 25 minutes till surgery But Who Is Counting Anyway...

It was in weeks days hours but has got so close.

I think you make some great observations. There are many here who are suffering due to spousal breakups. You are right when we were growing up we did not have the resources and it was a tabu subject. Yes the younger ones do have an "advantage" due to greater knowledge but I really think that is a double edged sword and the younger ones have their fill of issues that we did not.

I change my Avatar frequently and this time I loved the drawing  and used it but alas it will go very soon as my knew pic is just about ready to go up. [emoji3]

Take care

Liz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 12, 2018, 07:27:43 AM
@LizK
Thanks for the explanation. No wonder I thought I had deciphered the first part, but suddenly couldn't figure it out. Congratulations on getting so close to your due date! I'm working on getting over to your GCS Story thread.

You got me thinking: the idea resonates with me that when we are too stressed, we lose our flexibility and ability to embrace any change. So I consider my ability to embrace change to be a good sign. So-o-o-o, I look forward to seeing your new avatar even though I'll miss your current one. Any sneak previews or hints of what's coming?
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: KathyLauren on November 12, 2018, 09:22:39 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on November 11, 2018, 06:39:56 PMIt's not that I'm a lesbian or bisexual or asexual; I bonded to my sweetheart, regardless of sex.
OMG, that is beautiful!  My wife is the same way towards me.  I wish others were so fortunate.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 12, 2018, 07:07:07 PM
@KathyLauren you are so dear here, I'm especially glad that your wife and you are continuing to value and enjoy each other. That's good to know, especially for the people who think that such stories only happen in fairy tale lands. I'm sure that you do terrific things to support and appreciate your wife.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 12, 2018, 07:50:59 PM
My baby is wearing running shoes! In other words, more big steps today.

We go almost everywhere together, so we took the car for a routine visit to our car mechanic. Before we went, we discussed what to do about the polish on her nails. She decided to leave it on, and to keep her gloves on in the waiting room. A week or two ago, she would never have considered such a thing! Too risky! But as a woman, she is Bold! I love seeing her become more alive!

When we got home, she became antsy about making an appointment with a counselor who will tell her dr that it's OK to refer her to an endocrinologist for hormone replacement therapy. We read about one whom our dr suggested, but he wasn't appealing. Too much of a condescending, pastoral attitude, maybe. My sweetie got a hold of the other one whom our dr suggested, but they didn't click. Her antsyness escalated.

We worked together to find another option. We found one who is transgender, supervises students at the first trans counseling place that we looked into, and has been in practice for (lots) more than a few months. His website is all about working with trans clients. A year ago, a professional therapists' journal published his article about how to interact with trans counselors and trans clients. My sweetie left a message asking for an appointment. Yes! We will move mountains to grab his first available appointment.

AND then she asked me to re-paint her nails so they'll be fresh for our trip into the city tomorrow. And she chose the bold red instead of the soft pink. She said something unbelievable, that she doesn't care how people respond tomorrow. I'm stunned, and I love seeing her come out of her shell. I hope that you are likewise enjoying coming out of your shell.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: HappyMoni on November 12, 2018, 08:00:44 PM
Quote from: LizK on November 12, 2018, 05:54:08 AM
Hi Moonflower

It started as a joke countdown to my Surgery in three weeks and it is read the following way

571 hours and 25 minutes till surgery But Who Is Counting Anyway...

It was in weeks days hours but has got so close.


Liz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Liz, what no countdown seconds? Come on Girl!

Moonflower, your support for your partner reminds me of my partner. You are really exceptional, as is she. This being your thread and it being in the significant other section, I tend to tread lightly with my input. I would like to recognize though how difficult it is for some partners and say that when an SO can't make the transition with their transitioning partner, it doesn't mean they are bad people by any means. I always root for friendship and emotional co-support when partners do split. I have a friend who is coming out now and I am hoping it works for both of them. It is sometimes difficult to watch the emotions of both partners during this time. I do love your positivity, and I think you are in for a lot of wonderful moments as you watch your partner slowly shed her fears. I will tell you, when I was first transitioning, I was very tentative like your partner is now. It wasn't long before my desire to do this little thing or that (transition wise), soon became a freight train of needing more progress. YMMV. What is out of the question now may be more fluid than she thinks. Thank you for contributing so much here and tell your partner that we don't bite. We are friendly and look forward to hearing from her when she is ready.
Moni
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 13, 2018, 06:58:52 PM
Quote from: HappyMoni on November 12, 2018, 08:00:44 PM
This being your thread and it being in the significant other section, I tend to tread lightly with my input.

Moni it's great to see you here. I welcome all of your input. I appreciate your perspective. I love your compassion and empathy and words of wisdom. Thank you for making me feel so welcomed at Susan's.

Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 13, 2018, 07:34:13 PM
I feel like a midwife as I coax a new life out of a body and into the wide world, and now it's pushing itself out with full force. Such a transformation from getting good at being invisible, to expecting to be noticed, and liking that kind of attention.

I feel like when I was raising my kids, eager to find out who they were. I think of myself as a Mother Bear, ready to protect my loved one. I love coaching her as much as I loved coaching my kids.

I'm afraid that I could never want my husband again. My new wife is so much more attractive and bold. I loved my husband to pieces, and had no idea that anyone could ever be better suited for me.

She didn't cover her brightly colored nails with gloves all day while we were out and about in the city! At one of the stores we stopped at, she picked out a gem tone for coloring her nails, and a brilliant orange! This lady is not hiding behind anything. She wants to go back out tomorrow to practice showing off her nails! She is strutting! I am as happy for her as anyone could be.

I can't wait to see what HRT does to her. I hope it has the affects that she wants.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 15, 2018, 06:33:56 PM
She made her first counseling appointment ever. The trans counselor welcomed both of us. We're looking forward to meeting him.

I realized that I've been reading stories here about people who put enormous amounts of energy into living up to their understanding of society's expectations of them. My honey did that in public, but rarely at home alone or with just me. He avoided being in public. That might be why she is so endearing. I recognized her from the start, and am glad that she is presenting herself to the public.

I put a little eye shadow on her for the first time. Fun!

I painted her nails again today. The bottle looked almost like the International Orange of safety vests, but it is so sheer that it blends well with her skin tones. Lovely! She wants to go somewhere to show them off. Our next trip to the city is Saturday morning.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 16, 2018, 09:03:13 PM
Quote from: LizK on November 12, 2018, 05:54:08 AM
I change my Avatar frequently and this time I loved the drawing  and used it but alas it will go very soon as my knew pic is just about ready to go up. [emoji3]

Liz! Great photo of you! You look so soft and round -- feminine. Lovely!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 16, 2018, 09:15:23 PM
I told her that I don't miss my husband. She assured me that he won't be back. I assured her that I loved him dearly, and couldn't imagine better, but she is so much more welcome in my life. She took no offense, and is looking forward to using her new purse tomorrow.

We talked about how she could look feminine in the winter. She'd like a long black wool coat. I told her that it would only keep her warm when the temperature is around freezing. She needs a feminine, warm down coat. Any suggestions?

I think that face makeup, carrying a purse, and ... what else would be feminizing when bundled up to keep warm in winter? I'm looking forward to seeing her in her dresses out in public in the Spring.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: DawnOday on November 16, 2018, 09:45:21 PM
Painted nails are a relatively easy way to express without drawing a lot of attention.  As long as we don't go overboard. I like French nails. Mainly because they are nude color.
How I cope.
I wear my hair in a bun.
I wear a dress shirt, unbuttoned except the middle button over a T shirt. I have size C breasts but by wearing a shirt they do not scream "Get me a halter top"  It's winter so out comes the sweatshirt.
I like my skinny jeans. Last but not least I now have 4 pairs of shoes that actually fit. Luckily my feet have shrunk an extra size.
I wear my dresses to events at the support group.
One of the juxtapositions of my life is that as a male I was an extreme grunge aficionado. But as my fabulous female self I'm a fashionista. Who'd a thunk it. Fortunately I don't like old lady wear.

You are a fabulous person. Your SO is extremely blessed. https://www.landsend.com/shop/womens-coats-jackets/
https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/610?page=womens-outerwear   https://www.eddiebauer.com/browse/trenches---coats/outerwear/women/
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on November 17, 2018, 10:54:16 AM
QuoteI can't wait to see what HRT does to her. I hope it has the affects that she wants.

I'm also anxiously waiting to see.  My doctor has referred my for hormones, but I haven't heard back yet, to schedule an appointment.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 18, 2018, 08:01:00 PM
Quote from: DawnOday on November 16, 2018, 09:45:21 PM
Painted nails are a relatively easy way to express without drawing a lot of attention.  As long as we don't go overboard. I like French nails. Mainly because they are nude color.
How I cope.
I wear my hair in a bun.
I wear a dress shirt, unbuttoned except the middle button over a T shirt. I have size C breasts but by wearing a shirt they do not scream "Get me a halter top"  It's winter so out comes the sweatshirt.
I like my skinny jeans. Last but not least I now have 4 pairs of shoes that actually fit. Luckily my feet have shrunk an extra size.
I wear my dresses to events at the support group.
One of the juxtapositions of my life is that as a male I was an extreme grunge aficionado. But as my fabulous female self I'm a fashionista. Who'd a thunk it. Fortunately I don't like old lady wear.

You are a fabulous person. Your SO is extremely blessed. https://www.landsend.com/shop/womens-coats-jackets/
https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/610?page=womens-outerwear   https://www.eddiebauer.com/browse/trenches---coats/outerwear/women/

Thanks for the suggestions and encouragement, Dawn.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 18, 2018, 08:02:27 PM
Quote from: AnneK on November 17, 2018, 10:54:16 AM
I'm also anxiously waiting to see.  My doctor has referred my for hormones, but I haven't heard back yet, to schedule an appointment.

Hooray Anne! How exciting! I hope that you can follow up on it tomorrow to help get the ball rolling.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on November 18, 2018, 08:47:38 PM
QuoteHooray Anne! How exciting! I hope that you can follow up on it tomorrow to help get the ball rolling.

I don't think it will be tomorrow, but I do plan to mention it here.  I already have a thread started.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 20, 2018, 02:58:46 PM
Have you met my sweetie yet? She made her debut on the Intro board as BlueStar.


I was delighted by her response to questions on a health insurance renewal application. Next year at this time, she wants  her name and gender changed. It hurt both of us to have to use her male name and gender. I'm really liking her.

I took her International Orange nail polish off, and she chose to replace it with what looked like a pale pink. It turned out to be super sheer opalescent. Very pretty and subtle! She has a collection of 5 colors now: 4 pink/red/orange, and 1 blue/green. Such fun. She wants me to paint my nails, but I never was able to wait for them to dry before I scuffed them. She's so good about protecting her nails until they are dry. Today, she laid still while I read Susan's posts to her. It's great getting to know many people here.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 22, 2018, 01:22:42 PM
Tips
That last shade of nail polish wasn't quite right: too pale, wrong shade, didn't work with her skin color. So I replaced it with the gem tone blue/green that I've been itching to try on her. We love it! Her skin tone does really well with such a strong color. Hooray! If you wear nail polish, do you prefer bold colors? Or ones that are not noticeable?

She is much better than I about protecting her nails until they dry thoroughly. I was never able to do that -- ever. I always brushed against a doorway, or bumped into furniture that smudged/scuffed the polish. I could never sit still long enough to let it set. I would love to try some of her softer colors. I still don't trust myself. I can't sit still without fidgeting, and can't think of anything productive that I can do while they dry. No reading, typing, cleaning, writing, rearranging... What can I do?

Tops
Beth jumped up to let me take her picture several times after I told her about a photo app that feminizes your face. It was great fun to see what it did. Our favorite three results gave me ideas for continuing to shape her eyebrows, reassured me that we're on the right path with styling her hair, and gave us somewhat of a preview for what her makeup will look like.

Of course, she didn't like any of the photos; she was ill at ease with being photographed, as usual, and wasn't feeling dressed or groomed for looking beautiful. She looks forward to preparing better and doing another photo shoot. What has been your experience with these apps?

Bottoms
Beth pulled out a WinterSilks catalog to look at with me. She had been admiring the leggings on the front cover. Leggings! I never considered that she'd like them! She recalls that I have been admiring the crazy patterned ones for the past couple years (but haven't bought any, choosing to stick with my dark drab warm soft thick sweat pants with wool thermal long johns all winter). She wanted to know what I thought of her wearing the leggings herself. Wow! What a surprise! Lovely!

You see, she has worn 3 styles of blue jeans during the 20 years that we've been together. First, baggy men's Ralph Lauren jeans that lasted almost forever. When they wore out, and she had lost 30 lbs., she switched to slightly more fitted Ralph Lauren boys' jeans.  Since they were fashionably distressed, they wore out, so she switched to similar American Eagle jeans. She wore out her first batch of them, and resisted replacing them until she was down to just two pairs. I thought she'd really like drawstring pants or sweatpants, but she persistently resisted. Finally now I know what she's been wanting! Yay! It makes so much sense now for her to gravitate to pants that will show off her changing shape as HRT takes affect, and to resist wearing "guy" jeans. Leggings are certainly the opposite of the pants she has been wearing.

Edited to add:
Blood
Three couples were in the waiting room while we waited for Beth's turn for her annual blood tests. She felt accepted by two of the couples. The husband of the third couple rubbed her the wrong way. I laughed with the gentleman as he sat down while he joked about his shoes matching his purse. You see, he was apparently uncomfortable carrying his wife's purse for her as she hobbled in an orthopedic shoe, using a cane, and clutching tightly to him. Beth told me later that the old man then turned toward her, and stared and glared.

My beloved spouse who existed a few weeks ago might have not wanted to return to that lab again, afraid of stirring up such an unpleasant experience again. But Beth talked out her feelings, and said that the first two couples were great, as was the wife of the third couple. She quickly realized that the miserable man was miserable, and she didn't have to be. He was unreasonable, and trapped in stereotypes, and she didn't have to be. She felt the choice and freedom to keep her head up, and enjoy her life. Who could imagine a better response than that?
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Faith on November 22, 2018, 03:01:27 PM
Moonflower, everything in that last post sounds so familiar :)
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LizK on November 28, 2018, 03:24:25 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on November 22, 2018, 01:22:42 PM
Tips

.... She quickly realized that the miserable man was miserable, and she didn't have to be. He was unreasonable, and trapped in stereotypes, and she didn't have to be. She felt the choice and freedom to keep her head up, and enjoy her life. Who could imagine a better response than that?

Sounds like a very valuable lesson learned. We are quick to blame ourselves when others have an issue with us. We are not dressed properly, or our makeup isn't right, or our voice is too deep rather than letting the person with the issue hang on to it we tend to blame our selves. I hope Beth can hang onto that piece of wisdom she has gained because I am sure she will be able to make use of it in the future.


Take care

Liz

Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 28, 2018, 04:17:02 PM
Quote from: LizK on November 28, 2018, 03:24:25 PM
Sounds like a very valuable lesson learned. We are quick to blame ourselves when others have an issue with us. We are not dressed properly, or our makeup isn't right, or our voice is too deep rather than letting the person with the issue hang on to it we tend to blame our selves. I hope Beth can hang onto that piece of wisdom she has gained because I am sure she will be able to make use of it in the future.

Take care

Liz
So true! Where did we learn such crazy lessons about being guilty for everyone else's feelings!
I suppose that when we gain wisdom, then we have to use it, huh? No point in having a tool if it just sits in the toolbox...
Thanks Liz.
Best wishes during your final countdown...
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 28, 2018, 04:24:05 PM
Quote from: Faith on November 22, 2018, 03:01:27 PM
Moonflower, everything in that last post sounds so familiar :)
That's why I love discovering Susan's. I'm having such a good time.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 28, 2018, 04:27:11 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on November 28, 2018, 04:17:02 PM
So true! Where did we learn such crazy lessons about being guilty for everyone else's feelings!
I suppose that when we gain wisdom, then we have to use it, huh? No point in having a tool if it just sits in the toolbox...
Thanks Liz.
Best wishes during your final countdown...

@Moonflower
It can be a natural thing for us to feel guilty for other's bad and unhappy feelings ....   
...instead of guilt I try to exhibit understanding, compassion and empathy ... but there are those that do not want to receive those things and they would rather shun you and be miserable... or perhaps happy that they think that they are making you feel miserable.

Yes... best wishes to you and yours as you both countdown the days.   
Please continue to keep us all up to date...
Danielle

Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 28, 2018, 05:59:39 PM
Today was our 2nd photo shoot! On Saturday we picked up some more of our favorite brand of makeup, and used it today on her. For me, it was like riding a bicycle. I knew exactly what to do with it, and it went where I wanted it to go. When I was done, she put on her newest dress, and let me take pictures of her. I caught two shots of her shining through, looking very little like her man-shell. She is considering using one for her profile avatar as soon as she has posted 15 comments.

Speaking of comments, how wonderful to see her interacting with people here! She only talked with her closest friend (besides me) in an annual Christmas card, but now she is bursting with things to say to everyone who commented on her thread, and has responded to someone else's thread. It's so good to see her so full of life.

We've been chipping away at her eyebrows. A few weeks ago I used a "personal trimmer" on the longest hairs. That made a huge difference. Next, I want to shape the lower edge, but when I used the tweezers on one strand, it hurt her awful! It reminded me of when I first plucked my eyebrows. Now I recall that I should use ice, cream, or Lidocaine first. I've been conspicuous about plucking my eyebrows (which I hadn't done in years), but she's not feeling encouraged yet. Funny how it doesn't hurt me at all any more.

Today, we tried our newest nail polish on her. Most of her nails have grown to a length that I think is lovely for her. This is one of her two favorite colors.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FlA91GqR.jpg&hash=3ca5288ebecbc7747ebe4cdaf02bc4233618d169)

<edited to enlarge "thumbnail" -- pun unintended>
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 28, 2018, 06:23:40 PM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 28, 2018, 04:27:11 PM
@Moonflower
It can be a natural thing for us to feel guilty for other's bad and unhappy feelings ....   
...instead of guilt I try to exhibit understanding, compassion and empathy ... but there are those that do not want to receive those things and they would rather shun you and be miserable... or perhaps happy that they think that they are making you feel miserable.

Yes... best wishes to you and yours as you both countdown the days.   
Please continue to keep us all up to date...
Danielle
Such wisdom, to respond with such kindness, regardless of what the other person wants. Thanks Danielle for the reminders. I'm sure that your wisdom was hard-earned. Fantastic to see what a great place you arrived at.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on November 29, 2018, 08:44:46 AM
Quote
We've been chipping away at her eyebrows. A few weeks ago I used a "personal trimmer" on the longest hairs.

I'd need a Weed Whacker on mine.   :D

Incidentally, I enjoy reading about you supporting your partner in her transition.  Was it always so?  In reading here, I've noticed it takes some partners a bit of time to come around and some never do.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Anjanette Miranda on November 29, 2018, 11:03:08 AM
You are a wonderful S/O she is in good hands.
I am lucky to have one like you also.
I am going to follow her and your posts
And watch this butterfly come orut of her chrysalis.

AJ
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Devlyn on November 29, 2018, 11:20:22 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on November 28, 2018, 05:59:39 PM
Today was our 2nd photo shoot! On Saturday we picked up some more of our favorite brand of makeup, and used it today on her. For me, it was like riding a bicycle. I knew exactly what to do with it, and it went where I wanted it to go. When I was done, she put on her newest dress, and let me take pictures of her. I caught two shots of her shining through, looking very little like her man-shell. She is considering using one for her profile avatar as soon as she has posted 15 comments.

Speaking of comments, how wonderful to see her interacting with people here! She only talked with her closest friend (beside me) in an annual Christmas card, but now she is bursting with things to say to everyone who commented on her thread, and has responded to someone else's thread. It's so good to see her so full of life.

We've been chipping away at her eyebrows. A few weeks ago I used a "personal trimmer" on the longest hairs. That made a huge difference. Next, I want to shape the lower edge, but when I used the tweezers on one strand, it hurt her awful! It reminded me of when I first plucked my eyebrows. Now I recall that I should use ice, cream, or Lidocaine first. I've been conspicuous about plucking my eyebrows (which I hadn't done in years), but she's not feeling encouraged yet. Funny how it doesn't hurt me at all any more.

Today, we tried our newest nail polish on her. Most of her nails have grown to a length that I think is lovely for her. This is one of her two favorite colors.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FlA91GqR.jpg&hash=3ca5288ebecbc7747ebe4cdaf02bc4233618d169)

I approve of this colour!  :)

Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 29, 2018, 03:11:17 PM
Quote from: AnneK on November 29, 2018, 08:44:46 AM
Incidentally, I enjoy reading about you supporting your partner in her transition.  Was it always so?  In reading here, I've noticed it takes some partners a bit of time to come around and some never do.

Thanks Anne. I'm enjoying chronicling it for her as she gets up to speed here. She is quite the popular lady, and is learning how to manage a pile of friendly, cheerful messages, thanks to Susan's.

I don't recall ever having a problem with Beth. I think that she is whom I met when she, as my future husband, was trying to attract me. I fell head over heels in love with her, and puzzled over the male stranger who inhabited her body when we were around anyone else. So, Beth coming out means that I get more of the person whom I love!

The only problem that I recall was one of trust, afraid that another, bigger secret was going to come out. I was straining my peripheral vision in anticipation.

I have stated here at Susan's that I am a heterosexual. Then I stated that I am bisexual. I recall now that my earliest romantic attachment was with a girl. Our troll dolls were married, wife and efiw (wife spelled backwards). I wanted to marry that friend. As a young woman, I was attracted to women, but none responded. Men did... and kept me too busy to miss women's attention. Much.

All that makes Beth's and my staying together so much easier than how it is for many other couples. Our first steps were to read books and watch movies (fiction and documentary) to fuel our discussions about the terminology to figure out where she was on the spectrum. More recently, we've been reading about intersex, and guessing how pieces of her memory fit together to explain how she got to where she is. Other stories here on Susan's have been great at triggering her memories.

My reason for posting here is to assure women that women like me exist. You are lovable. You are fun. You are exciting. You deserve the best care and support. Both cis women and transgender women.

I'm leaning toward explaining what makes Beth and me so closely bonded, to help provide something like a checklist that can be used to assess or improve the possibility of staying in an established relationship. Or maybe my posts can inspire women to do what it takes to keep a good partner, or to move on with appreciation and respect.

By the way Ann, have you heard anything about the status of your hrt prescription? I'd be on the phone every day following up! Or sulking in a dark corner with my phone on my lap...
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 29, 2018, 03:19:17 PM
Quote from: Anjanette Miranda on November 29, 2018, 11:03:08 AM
You are a wonderful S/O she is in good hands.
I am lucky to have one like you also.
I am going to follow her and your posts
And watch this butterfly come orut of her chrysalis.

AJ

Thanks AJ. You are a sweetheart.

I look forward to seeing you around. And your SO.

Hooray for butterflies!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on November 29, 2018, 03:38:07 PM
QuoteThe only problem that I recall was one of trust, afraid that another, bigger secret was going to come out. I was straining my peripheral vision in anticipation.

In many cases we're terrified of the possible reaction, so we tend to keep things to ourselves.

QuoteBy the way Ann, have you heard anything about the status of your hrt prescription? I'd be on the phone every day following up! Or sulking in a dark corner with my phone on my lap...

Not yet.  I have my annual physical scheduled for next week.  I'll ask then, if I haven't heard first.  I get the impression that only a few endo's do this sort of work, so there may be a bit of a wait.  It's been less than 3 years since the protocols changed in Ontario, to make transgender procedures so much easier to obtain, so perhaps they're still catching up.  Also, we'll soon have a GCS clinic offering full services, in Toronto.  At the moment, they're just doing the lighter stuff, such as orchi's.  Beyond that, it's still necessary to go to the Brassard clinic in Montreal.  The new one is close enough to me that I could get there by bus & subway or cab!  It's a little over a half hour drive, when traffic isn't jammed.


Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LizK on November 29, 2018, 05:02:08 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on November 29, 2018, 03:11:17 PM
....I have stated here at Susan's that I am a heterosexual. Then I stated that I am bisexual. I recall now that my earliest romantic attachment was with a girl. Our troll dolls were married, wife and efiw (wife spelled backwards). I wanted to marry that friend. As a young woman, I was attracted to women, but none responded. Men did... and kept me too busy to miss women's attention. Much. ....


It was not until my last round of therapy that I realised I had my first serious crush on a guy when I was nursing at 18 years of age. I remember it really screwing with my head because despite that fact I was trying to be the average cis male I was like an emotional puddle around him...him being cute didn't help. See what I mean even now I still think of him as cute...but I digress. :D He ended up moving to another city and I got really upset when this happened and though about him constantly. I never really thought about it as a gay relationship because I always imagined myself as the woman..so I saw him wanting me in a heterosexual way. I guess what I am trying to say that we have these relationships sometimes and we don't always understand their significance for a good many years....

Take care


Liz
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on November 30, 2018, 01:40:54 PM
I have been a bit insensitive. You might not have noticed it, because I tried to contain the thought inside my head, "Why care if you pass, as long as you know you're a woman?"

Yesterday I was struck with the realization that it is a safety issue.

What if my dear Beth is misgendered as a man while in a Ladies' Room?

The obvious answer is to locate the non-gendered bathrooms in the area. We only found listings for places where we don't go.

Have you encountered this? What can we do?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Michelle_P on November 30, 2018, 02:51:21 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on November 30, 2018, 01:40:54 PM
I have been a bit insensitive. You might not have noticed it, because I tried to contain the thought inside my head, "Why care if you pass, as long as you know you're a woman?"

Yesterday I was struck with the realization that it is a safety issue.

What if my dear Beth is misgendered as a man while in a Ladies' Room?

The obvious answer is to locate the non-gendered bathrooms in the area. We only found listings for places where we don't go.

Have you encountered this? What can we do?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

The two best practical solutions I have are:
1) Escort Beth to the restroom.  Two women entering or leaving are far less likely to trigger another person watching than a single rather easily read woman.
2) Use the 'Family' or single stall restrooms.  Malls often have a 'Family' restroom, and most Starbucks have single stall restrooms (although some are removing seating so they qualify for not needing a restroom!)

I had an unfortunate incident in a mall restroom about 6 months after going fulltime.  The deranged person involved was eventually taken away by mall security.  California law gives me the right to be there even if pre-op, or my birth certificate has the wrong gender marked.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 01, 2018, 05:56:29 PM
Beth has been saying that she'd like hair clips. So, today I took her to a store that has an entire wall of hair decorations.

When we got home, I swept her hair back, and put one clip in. "OMG!", I exclaimed! "We must trim your sideburns." So, I used the personal trimmer, and she said, "Good riddance!"

What a difference!

Next: continue trimming her eyebrows?
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 01, 2018, 06:19:43 PM
Quote from: AnneK on November 29, 2018, 03:38:07 PM
we'll soon have a GCS clinic offering full services, in Toronto.  At the moment, they're just doing the lighter stuff, such as orchi's.  Beyond that, it's still necessary to go to the Brassard clinic in Montreal.  The new one is close enough to me that I could get there by bus & subway or cab!  It's a little over a half hour drive, when traffic isn't jammed.
That sounds so exciting!  For HRT, we can go 2 hrs to a clinic that goes out of its way to be trans friendly. Or an hour away for a  university clinic with a long waiting list. I tried to see an endocrinologist there, and they lost my referral 3 times!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 01, 2018, 06:23:37 PM
Quote from: Devlyn on November 29, 2018, 11:20:22 AM
I approve of this colour!  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Come on over, Devlyn! I'll paint your nails, too  :eusa_dance:
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 01, 2018, 06:30:46 PM
Thanks Liz for being here.

Quote from: LizK on November 29, 2018, 05:02:08 PM
It was not until my last round of therapy that I realised I had my first serious crush on a guy... I never really thought about it as a gay relationship because I always imagined myself as the woman..so I saw him wanting me in a heterosexual way. I guess what I am trying to say that we have these relationships sometimes and we don't always understand their significance for a good many years....

Yeah. So many details that seemed unimportant at the time, light up with vast meaning later. What was murky suddenly becomes clear and makes sense.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: HappyMoni on December 01, 2018, 06:49:16 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on November 30, 2018, 01:40:54 PM
I have been a bit insensitive. You might not have noticed it, because I tried to contain the thought inside my head, "Why care if you pass, as long as you know you're a woman?"

Yesterday I was struck with the realization that it is a safety issue.

What if my dear Beth is misgendered as a man while in a Ladies' Room?

The obvious answer is to locate the non-gendered bathrooms in the area. We only found listings for places where we don't go.

Have you encountered this? What can we do?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Moonflower, 3 years ago,when I was switching back and forth in presentation, male/female, I took a trip to the beach after work. We stopped in a Cracker Barrel with me in guy clothes. I went toward the men's bathroom and this older gentleman practically had a heart attack that I was going in there. The next day, I went out to lunch with three other women, me dressed in female clothes. The waiter initially called me ma'am then apologized with a Sir. Then he added that some of the folks who come in there on the weekend, you couldn't tell what they were. I was stunned, and self conscious then, so I did not speak up. I did leave a note stating that I was one of those people who he was talking about and we deserve respect. Also he would get better tips being respectful. Passing makes life easier.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 01, 2018, 06:50:46 PM
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 30, 2018, 02:51:21 PM
The two best practical solutions I have are:
1) Escort Beth to the restroom.  Two women entering or leaving are far less likely to trigger another person watching than a single rather easily read woman.
2) Use the 'Family' or single stall restrooms.  Malls often have a 'Family' restroom, and most Starbucks have single stall restrooms (although some are removing seating so they qualify for not needing a restroom!)

I had an unfortunate incident in a mall restroom about 6 months after going fulltime.  The deranged person involved was eventually taken away by mall security.  California law gives me the right to be there even if pre-op, or my birth certificate has the wrong gender marked.

Thanks Michelle for sharing your exceptional story, and giving suggestions.

When Beth presents as a woman in public, I will absolutely not let her use a restroom alone. Thanks for the reassurance and logic that this works. We are usually together anyway, so I only need to worry about when she goes somewhere alone.

We have a mall near us, which is closing, and they have a Family restroom. We were afraid to use it. Like a handicap stall, what if we inconvenience a family that needs it? But I did use it once, in support of the concept. Then I put an amusing both-gender bathroom sign on the door of our main bathroom at home. That brought out great comments from guests.

At the jumbo mall near us, we can't find ANY genderless bathrooms! I'll have to write to them. Hmmmmm How to phrase the letter so they see that genderless bathrooms would be in their best interest... I can look up recently proposed legislation for some key phrases...

All of the fast food places that we have stopped at for bathroom breaks, all have gender-specific restrooms. More letters to write... Maybe visits with my state legislators. Coordinate with the nearby trans group... I'm psyched! I love doing this kind of thing. Thanks, Michelle, for the spark!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 01, 2018, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: HappyMoni on December 01, 2018, 06:49:16 PM
Moonflower, 3 years ago,when I was switching back and forth in presentation, male/female, I took a trip to the beach after work. We stopped in a Cracker Barrel with me in guy clothes. I went toward the men's bathroom and this older gentleman practically had a heart attack that I was going in there. The next day, I went out to lunch with three other women, me dressed in female clothes. The waiter initially called me ma'am then apologized with a Sir. Then he added that some of the folks who come in there on the weekend, you couldn't tell what they were. I was stunned, and self conscious then, so I did not speak up. I did leave a note stating that I was one of those people who he was talking about and we deserve respect. Also he would get better tips being respectful. Passing makes life easier.

Hey, Moni! Glad to see you here!

How bizarre that you were read as a male when presenting as a female, and vice versa. How distressing,  confusing. But I love the way you responded to the waiter! That's great!

Beth and I can't work fast enough to get her to the point where she expects to be read as a woman. Now that I trimmed her sideburns off, and put a pretty clip in her hair, I expect that we'll do another little photo shoot tomorrow. Then maybe she'll be ready to post a profile picture, and maybe post it at a thread asking for suggestions.

I hope you're enjoying your weekend,
Grace
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: HappyMoni on December 01, 2018, 07:08:10 PM
Now I tend to forget how scary bathrooms were. I did learn to 'own' going into them. I acted confident, like I belonged there, and didn't look down at the floor like I was nervous. If my eyes met anyone's I just smiled and that was it. I never had an issue going into the woman's room.  Just that one time going in the men's room ironically. Oh there was that time I wore a one piece (first time wearing one) at the beach and went to poop in the ladies room. I learned the value of checking for toilet paper before pooping when in the woman's room. Out of 30 stalls, I think 4 had toilet paper. I had to pull up that one piece and beg another woman to let me go in a stall she was about to go in to 'wipe my behind.'  There was a serious line. Beth needs to know this stuff as it doesn't happen in the men's room. lol
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 01, 2018, 07:50:09 PM
Quote from: HappyMoni on December 01, 2018, 07:08:10 PM
Now I tend to forget how scary bathrooms were. I did learn to 'own' going into them. I acted confident, like I belonged there, and didn't look down at the floor like I was nervous. If my eyes met anyone's I just smiled and that was it. I never had an issue going into the woman's room.  Just that one time going in the men's room ironically. Oh there was that time I wore a one piece (first time wearing one) at the beach and went to poop in the ladies room. I learned the value of checking for toilet paper before pooping when in the woman's room. Out of 30 stalls, I think 4 had toilet paper. I had to pull up that one piece and beg another woman to let me go in a stall she was about to go in to 'wipe my behind.'  There was a serious line. Beth needs to know this stuff as it doesn't happen in the men's room. lol

Thank you for the thoughtful pointers!

Men's rooms don't run out of TP? I never knew!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on December 01, 2018, 10:35:50 PM
QuoteFor HRT, we can go 2 hrs to a clinic that goes out of its way to be trans friendly.

The endocrinologist I'm being referred to is in the same city as that clinic, but a bit further.

QuoteMen's rooms don't run out of TP? I never knew!

News to me too.  I regularly check, before I sit down.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: KathyLauren on December 02, 2018, 07:53:45 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on December 01, 2018, 06:50:46 PM
We have a mall near us, which is closing, and they have a Family restroom. We were afraid to use it. Like a handicap stall, what if we inconvenience a family that needs it?

Hun, you are a family that needs it!  Family / single-user washrooms are for anyone who is not comfortable in a shared space.  I hope no one reading this will hesitate to use one if it is available and they need it.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: HappyMoni on December 02, 2018, 08:18:25 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on December 01, 2018, 07:50:09 PM
Thank you for the thoughtful pointers!

Men's rooms don't run out of TP? I never knew!

Never say never, right, but I would say it gets used up faster in women's rooms. You don't look for it as often as half the  time guys go to the urinal. In my defense it was a heightened trauma (term used in humor) as I had never walked into a stall before and thought, "Oh man, I need to take all my clothes off to do this!" lol Then realizing people were elbowing each other in this giant human chain trying to get to the last  few precious sheets. I realized I had truly landed on the planet Venus. This is the consequence of GCS for you girls looking toward it, taking that one piece off to pee and there being no TP. No more 'shake shake and done.' Think about it, ah... or stash a few sheets in your purse, I guess! Well now I just feel silly! :P

DramaMoni
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 02, 2018, 08:49:56 AM
Quote from: HappyMoni on December 02, 2018, 08:18:25 AM
stash a few sheets in your purse

Great minds think alike. How many times have I found the TP roll empty, and sat waiting for someone to bring me some? Many. Wouldn't you think that I would be prepared?

When I shared your previous comment with Beth, she, like you, concluded that women must carry TP in a purse. What a brilliant idea! I don't know of any women who do such a thing. I don't know any women who think to check for TP before using a stall, either.

However, facial tissues are common in purses, which can be used if desperate,  but are terrible for septic systems. You can dispose of them in the little garbage cans that are intended for tampons and such.

You are wonderfully practical.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 08, 2018, 04:21:09 PM
When I was at Ulta to pick up some things that I thought Beth might like, I noticed that one of the store employees was a cross-dressing man, and one was a trans woman. That seemed to indicate that the company (or the local store) likely welcomes trans women.

So, when Beth expressed interest in a professional makeup lesson, I took her to Ulta. We both felt awkward since this would be her most public feminine presentation so far. She used her male name to sign in, and asked me to use male pronouns to refer to her, but she left more transformed into herself.

She was more photogenic than ever as I captured the results! I love seeing how she blossoms. She's even talking about questions she will ask next time.

I would post a photo, but she looked more gay than trans. I'll have to study the photos to identify what's so different about the way that the professional did her makeup. Maybe the lipstick color is too bold for Beth. The eyeliner was a lot thicker and darker than what I do. The foundation is paler than I'd choose.

Beth wants to start learning how to put makeup on herself. She was surprisingly eager when the professional handed her the mascara wand! We have great lighting and mirrors in the bathrooms, but not enough room for the two of us to work together there. The dining room table is a better setup. Any recommendations for a mirror?

Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Maid Marion on December 08, 2018, 04:32:48 PM
My last two wall mounted mirrors came from Target.    I have one in my office.  ;D

Really enjoy your reports!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 08, 2018, 04:37:24 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on December 02, 2018, 07:53:45 AM
Hun, you are a family that needs it!  Family / single-user washrooms are for anyone who is not comfortable in a shared space.  I hope no one reading this will hesitate to use one if it is available and they need it.

Thank you Kathy for the encouragement. Apparently many people choose to use the family/single-user room instead of a public stall. I guess it's like when I sneak into the spacious handicapped stall when no one is around.

We discovered one Family Rest Room in the new wing of the jumbo mall. Beth felt so certain that she would be read as a man, she used the Men's room. Uneventful. Phew!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LizK on December 08, 2018, 05:48:03 PM
Hi Moonflower

Bathrooms really are a huge issue over there...In Australia I have the choice to use the disabled/single toilet or the womens bathroom but will quite often choose the disabled one because its easier with my walking stick and stupid hip.

I learned to do make up in steps and use a mirror with a 50x zoom on it along with a standard mirror for perspective. I started simply with one element(kohl eyeliner) until I was happy I could repeat a good result without even thinking about it, then I moved to liquid eyeliner and did my top lid, then mascara etc etc eventually doing a full basic makeup session that I have now got down to about 20minutes.

onwards and upwards

Take care


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 10, 2018, 06:09:01 AM
Quote from: Maid Marion on December 08, 2018, 04:32:48 PM
My last two wall mounted mirrors came from Target.    I have one in my office.  ;D
Thanks for the pointer.
Quote
Really enjoy your reports!
Thanks.  :angel:
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 31, 2018, 05:38:51 AM
BlueStar was presenting as a male with all Man Clothes, and no thoughts of looking feminine when we went to Lowes several days ago. The checkout clerk said to us, "Have a nice day, ladies." BlueStar was on top of the world! She "passed" with absolutely no intent! I have noticed it happening before, but this was the first time that it caught her attention and delighted her. What a nice accomplishment for her, to accept and revel.

She had found a product online that might enliven her dried-out curly hair. We had the ingredients, so I mixed them up and applied it several nights after supper. I massage the oils into her scalp with the intent of restoring her lost hairs. It makes her curls curlier, and she really enjoys the feeling of her well-tended hair. We're wondering how effective one of the red-light helmets might be for coaxing her strands to grow again. I hate to cover up her gorgeous hair with a wig.

Two mornings ago I put some makeup on BlueStar. We have accumulated eye shadow, mascara, eye liner, eyebrow pencil, an eyelash curler, bronzer, blush, finishing powder, and lipstick. And a set of brushes. Soon we will have foundation, lip liner, and ... hmmmm I know that a third item is coming. I can't imagine what else we'll need. I'm looking forward to the foundation coming so I can start playing with the concealers that we got.

After I used each makeup item that we had, I stepped back and verified whether I had helped BlueStar to come out of hiding. Sure enough, she emerged, playfully urging me to accompany her to our favorite place to eat out. She surprised me, she was so excited about showing off her face. We went. All new employees, and no one looked amiss or said an unkind word. The world is proving to be a safe place! And she was much more observant of our environment. As a man, he buried his attention in a book, but she paid a lot of attention to who was there. People watching is a new interest of hers. She felt so safe there, she's considering going alone as a woman.

It used to be that dressing as a woman caused her to close the window shades and hide. Now it has the opposite effect. I love it!



One of her friends said that at a nearby university, students now introduce themselves with their names, majors, and preferred pronouns.



We spent a few hours with my youngest child a week ago. Beforehand, we discussed whether to let her know what we've been busy with. We decided against it for now, unless it came up. It didn't come up even though my fashionista daughter must have noticed that her stepfather was wearing ladies clothes. If it came up, I was considering pointing out that women's clothes fit him much better than men's. After all, BlueStar has slender arms and narrow shoulders.

I'm looking forward to telling my kids. I look forward to seeing and hearing their responses. I hope they have questions. I'm sure that they will behave well because they know that I embrace diversity. I'm looking forward to them meeting BlueStar. We hesitate because their stepmother has surprised us several times by being inhumanely cruel, and we don't know if we can imagine how she might respond when one of my kids inevitably mentions something about Her.

I wonder when BlueStar will feel ready to tell them. She says that starting HRT will cause her to tell another wave of people. She had an appointment for her first HRT consultation Wednesday of this week, but yesterday we got a text message stating that the provider canceled it. How annoying!  Especially after they made a mistake a few weeks ago, and lost the appointment that she had made then. They open in an hour and a half. I think that BlueStar will be on the phone...
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on December 31, 2018, 06:13:28 AM
I'm glad she's going for hormones.  I have my first appointment in April.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 31, 2018, 07:08:39 AM
Quote from: AnneK on December 31, 2018, 06:13:28 AM
I'm glad she's going for hormones.  I have my first appointment in April.
Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm excited for you!

And groooooan! Why do you have to wait until then? I wonder how you can make good use of the wait time. I'm impatient. Maybe they'll have a cancellation?
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on December 31, 2018, 08:02:15 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on December 31, 2018, 07:08:39 AM
Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm excited for you!

And groooooan! Why do you have to wait until then? I wonder how you can make good use of the wait time. I'm impatient. Maybe they'll have a cancellation?

I've mentioned this in other threads, but I suspect the issue is there aren't that many endocrinologists supporting the trans community.  Also, the protocols, in Ontario, changed back in 2016, making the process much easier.  I suspect this may have resulted in an increase in people wanting these services.  One improvement is hormones are now informed consent.  I told my doctor I wanted hormones and was referred to the endocrinologist. No therapist needed.  Even surgery is much easier.  Now, it requires a year on hormones and two evaluations.  However, those evaluations can be done by other than a psychiatrist, as used to be the case.  They can be done by a doctor, social worker with a masters degree, practical nurse and a few others.  Years ago, it was necessary to be in real life experience for a year, before even getting hormones, and the program was more of an obstacle course than a process to help people achieve what they needed.  Now, RLE is not even needed for surgery.

BTW, I have a personal friend who's a psychologist.  I was dressed as a woman, when I first met her 23 years ago.  Perhaps I could get her to provide an evaluation.   ;)
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 31, 2018, 06:07:33 PM
Quote from: AnneK on December 31, 2018, 08:02:15 AM
BTW, I have a personal friend who's a psychologist.  I was dressed as a woman, when I first met her 23 years ago.  Perhaps I could get her to provide an evaluation.   ;)

Sounds like a great plan!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on December 31, 2018, 08:28:44 PM
Happy New Year!
KimOct and I were working on defining what makes my responses so different from other trans SOs'. Why don't I mourn? Why do I share my BlueStar's excitement? Why am I sometimes more in a hurry for the next steps than she?

* He was more cautious than I; I'm more adventurous. BlueStar shares my love for getting out and about. .
* I deliberately raised my kids to be gender neutral until they each expressed their own genders in their own ways.
* I grew up attracted to adults who taught me to see the world with open perspectives. I was always adverse to people who saw and did things The Right Way.
* BlueStar's feminine, bold side is what I saw the moment that I first noticed her/him. That's who I fell in love with.
* Her masculine facade was also compatible with me, but both Beth and I prefer her feminine self.
* Her puberty-like enthusiasm for all things female is contagious. I want to be more feminine too! And she is beautifully artistic with color combinations that delight me.

If you're an SO, I hope that you find my stories boring, compared with yours. If so, please share more items to add to this list. If not, then being inspiring  to you is my second choice. And I hope to be inspired by you.

If you're a single trans person, I hope this list helps you believe in and recognize a great partner.

If you're a trans person in a relationship, I hope that this list helps you to assess how likely your relationship is to survive. As I said to SOs, please share items to add to this list.

Best wishes to you as you and your loved ones face the new year with hope.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on December 31, 2018, 09:23:57 PM
QuoteKimOct and I were working on defining what makes my responses so different from other trans SOs'.

I probably mentioned this before, but I'm sure many of us here wish we had a partner like you.  In my own case, my wife liked to see me in stockings or pantyhose, but that was as far as she was prepared to go.  I wasn't able to fully dress as a woman, until after we split.  I would have loved to have had your kind of support from her.  Perhaps I'd be a lot further along by now.

Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 01, 2019, 11:10:27 AM
Quote from: AnneK on December 31, 2018, 09:23:57 PM
I probably mentioned this before, but I'm sure many of us here wish we had a partner like you.  In my own case, my wife liked to see me in stockings or pantyhose, but that was as far as she was prepared to go.  I wasn't able to fully dress as a woman, until after we split.  I would have loved to have had your kind of support from her.  Perhaps I'd be a lot further along by now.

Anne, you have had terribly hard decisions to make, and painful consequences. If the world was a more supportive place, your identity wouldn't have been an issue at all. How does our society benefit from keeping people, men in particular, confined to restricted, rigid sex roles? How are dresses different from business suits?

You can have a partner like me. You deserve a partner like me. One way to succeed is to make your own list of characteristics so you'll recognize a good candidate. Be clear about what you want. Tune into it, and then focus on it. Boost your power with prayer and/or telling certain people.

At the risk of sounding crass, I commend you for choosing your identity and self expression over a relationship that squelched them. That was a significant step toward finding your angel.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on January 01, 2019, 12:00:22 PM
Quote
At the risk of sounding crass, I commend you for choosing your identity and self expression over a relationship that squelched them. That was a significant step toward finding your angel.

Actually, that had nothing to do with why we split.  She had some very harmful ideas about relationships in a marriage.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: KimOct on January 01, 2019, 09:23:19 PM
Moonflower - I think that was amazing and thank you for sharing.  I certainly understand SOs that cannot deal with transition.  It is not what they thought they were getting into HOWEVER I think it shows an incredible love to want to stay with someone when they become who they really are as a person.

Is it difficult for some? If course.  Does it take adjustment - yes to that as well. But I think if you truly love the PERSON you realize that nothing has changed about them - instead they are simply showing a deeper level of who they really are.

And in some cases such as Moonflower it doesn't take that much work at all.  Those are the free spirited, open minded people that have not been molded by societal constructs as much as most of us have been.

Sadly transition IMHO probably reduces chances for finding great romantic / partner type relationships but it does not eliminate the possibility altogether.  I am not expecting one and may not find one but I am hoping.  A good life is a balance of hope and realism.  You need both.

Thanks Moonflower You are the best !!!  And I think you and Blue Star are great for each other.    (insert heart emoji here)
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 03, 2019, 07:33:35 AM
Quote from: AnneK on January 01, 2019, 12:00:22 PM
Actually, that had nothing to do with why we split.  She had some very harmful ideas about relationships in a marriage.

Many apologies. I'm so sorry for my assumption. Thanks for correcting me.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 03, 2019, 07:01:49 PM
Quote from: KimOct on January 01, 2019, 09:23:19 PM
I think it shows an incredible love to want to stay with someone when they become who they really are as a person.
I learned to be so loving from BlueStar. She set the bar high. I can't understand why no one else grabbed her up. She waits on me hand-and-foot, tirelessly, when I am sick, or just tired. She accommodates my every wish. She studies and shares my values. Her principles are loftier than mine. I had no idea what I was getting into when I married her. I lucked out.
Quote
But I think if you truly love the PERSON you realize that nothing has changed about them - instead they are simply showing a deeper level of who they really are.

And in some cases such as Moonflower it doesn't take that much work at all. Those are the free spirited, open minded people that have not been molded by societal constructs as much as most of us have been.
Kim, it really doesn't take any work at all to want to be worthy of keeping a close relationship with BlueStar. I am deeply glad to find that I am free spirited and open minded, not molded by social constructs in spite of intense pressures from conventional people. As you know, being who I am is much easier and healthier than conforming to social constructs.
Quote
Sadly transition IMHO probably reduces chances for finding great romantic / partner type relationships but it does not eliminate the possibility altogether.  I am not expecting one and may not find one but I am hoping.
Kim, I am hoping that your transition leads you to see that you now have INCREASED chances for finding great romantic/partner type relationships.

Much love,
Grace
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 04, 2019, 05:39:09 AM
Yesterday, BlueStar's hormone doctor didn't want to start her on estrogen. Feminization hormone therapy was no problem as we three considered spironolactone to reduce her facial hair, or finasteride to help her recover hair on her balding scalp, but BlueStar's cholesterol had exceeded a critical level, and she and I weren't ready for her to try statins. The doctor wouldn't prescribe estrogen until BlueStar agreed to take a statin, expecting that the estrogen would further increase BlueStar's cholesterol which might cause a fatal blood clot.

You see, BlueStar's primary care dr had recently recommended statins, so we've been researching their pros and cons.

But high "bad" cholesterol doesn't make sense for someone like BlueStar who is slender with low blood pressure, low blood sugar, low triglycerides, low inflammation markers, high HDL, and no history of any heart disease. She exercises vigorously almost every day. She eats nutrient-dense foods. She feels great!

We have been discovering that BlueStar's "bad" cholesterol probably isn't the kind that clogs blood vessels. We understand that it is the kind of cholesterol that transports energy to the cells. It might be elevated in response to her newly-discovered (mild) thyroiditis.

Fortunately, the hormone doctor is familiar with the functional medicine doctors/authors whom we are learning from, and she respects them. Her husband has been studying under one of our favorite ones.

So, we picked up the statin (to appease the dr, possibly err on the side of caution, and cautiously try it while we continue to choose a heart dr) and the spironolactone. The estrogen is on order, due in the day after tomorrow.

BlueStar is officially beginning HRT! We celebrated by going shopping, and found a blouse on Clearance that we really liked for her. And a sales clerk referred to us as "ladies".

Please keep us in your prayers as we deal with what might be a life-or-death decision. Thank you.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on January 04, 2019, 06:07:47 AM
Great she's starting HRT.  As for cholesterol, my understanding is it varies greatly with the individual, regardless of other considerations.  Fortunately mine's low, despite not being the healthiest eater.  Some people have that problem and others don't.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on January 04, 2019, 07:40:33 AM
QuoteBlueStar is officially beginning HRT!

I believe you said this was her first appointment with the endocrinologist.  I'm hoping it will also take only one appointment for me.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 08, 2019, 06:37:34 PM
We had my best friend over for dinner, and BlueStar gave her the Coming Out Letter. I knew that my friend was accepting of trans people. I was surprised that she thought that transgender people were one sex, and only trying to act like another sex; she didn't differentiate between cross dressing and transitioning. I'm glad that BlueStar's letter explained the differences.

Next, I'm looking forward to telling my kids. They're all living near each other now, so it will be relatively easy to tell them all at once in person. Soon, I hope.

I'm glad we're near the bottom of the list. I'm tired of dead-naming and misgendering my sweetheart.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Emma1017 on January 08, 2019, 07:54:53 PM
Big hugs to you both.  You give me hope.

Emma
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Anne T on January 09, 2019, 11:15:39 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on January 08, 2019, 06:37:34 PM
We had my best friend over for dinner, and BlueStar gave her the Coming Out Letter. I knew that my friend was accepting of trans people. I was surprised that she thought that transgender people were one sex, and only trying to act like another sex; she didn't differentiate between cross dressing and transitioning. I'm glad that BlueStar's letter explained the differences.

Quotefrom what I understand the majority of coming out stories are met with compassion and understanding. The few that have a horrific reaction to their coming out have sad stories to tell. Those stories create fear, uncertainty in those going thru these life style changes. My heat breaks for those who lose everything by being honest about who they are.

Next, I'm looking forward to telling my kids. They're all living near each other now, so it will be relatively easy to tell them all at once in person. Soon, I hope.

QuoteWow! I wish you the best and pray that it goes well for you both when the right moment comes to unveil Beth.

I'm glad we're near the bottom of the list. I'm tired of dead-naming and misgendering my sweetheart.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 14, 2019, 07:16:36 PM
Quote from: Emma1017 on January 08, 2019, 07:54:53 PM
Big hugs to you both.  You give me hope.

Emma

Thank you Emma for the hugs. I'm so sad that the site outage hit when you were going through a hard time. I'm sending hope and peace to you. May you breathe easily, knowing that where you are is where you need to be.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Athenajacob on January 28, 2019, 04:48:36 PM
Quote from: HappyMoni on December 02, 2018, 08:18:25 AM
Never say never, right, but I would say it gets used up faster in women's rooms. You don't look for it as often as half the  time guys go to the urinal. In my defense it was a heightened trauma (term used in humor) as I had never walked into a stall before and thought, "Oh man, I need to take all my clothes off to do this!" lol Then realizing people were elbowing each other in this giant human chain trying to get to the last  few precious sheets. I realized I had truly landed on the planet Venus. This is the consequence of GCS for you girls looking toward it, taking that one piece off to pee and there being no TP. No more 'shake shake and done.' Think about it, ah... or stash a few sheets in your purse, I guess! Well now I just feel silly! :P

DramaMoni

I always use the flushable wipes now... you can always have some with you—I wondered how women went to the bathroom in rompers...now I bet it's like your one piece experience! I think bathrooms are designed poorly in general as it relates to women but that's another discussion...
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: HappyMoni on January 30, 2019, 01:33:07 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on January 08, 2019, 06:37:34 PM
We had my best friend over for dinner, and BlueStar gave her the Coming Out Letter. I knew that my friend was accepting of trans people. I was surprised that she thought that transgender people were one sex, and only trying to act like another sex; she didn't differentiate between cross dressing and transitioning. I'm glad that BlueStar's letter explained the differences.

Next, I'm looking forward to telling my kids. They're all living near each other now, so it will be relatively easy to tell them all at once in person. Soon, I hope.

I'm glad we're near the bottom of the list. I'm tired of dead-naming and misgendering my sweetheart.

Hi Grace,
   I was wondering if you have gotten to tell the kids yet. It's been a while since you wrote this.

Athena,
   FYI I work in a place that uses many wipes. We have been told not to flush the flushables  as they do clog up the plumbing. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the bathroom, darn!

Moni
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 05, 2019, 07:15:17 PM
Quote from: HappyMoni on January 30, 2019, 01:33:07 PM
Hi Grace,
   I was wondering if you have gotten to tell the kids yet. It's been a while since you wrote this.
Nope. Still no plan to.  We'll be seeing all 3 of them at the end of this month. That will be hard on me, to dead-name and misgender her, but I can't out her until she's ready. I'm looking forward to hearing their responses, but they have a family member who has given us all a taste of hell at the slightest provocation, and we're not ready to find out what that might be like this time around.

Then, a couple weeks later, a friend wants Beth (as Beth) and me to celebrate her birthday with a couple who has a trans grandchild. They are is doing a lot of research to answer their questions about this situation that is surprising them. For the party, Beth is considering wearing a dress in public for the first time! The wig that we ordered for her should be here by then.

Speaking of hair, I've been applying egg whites and oils to her hair and scalp. I'm learning how to take care of her curly brittle hair, and her scalp's bare area on top. I'm coaxing the curls back, and new growth is filling in. Hooray!

Quote
Athena,
   FYI I work in a place that uses many wipes. We have been told not to flush the flushables  as they do clog up the plumbing. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the bathroom, darn!
Speaking of wipes, I wound up in a stall with no toilet paper, and no one else in the bathroom. I waited for someone to come in, and then I remembered what I learned here at Susan's. I retrieved the tissues that I learned to put in my purse for such an occasion. Thanks to everyone here who inspired me.

No, I did not flush the tissue, but used the little trash can on the wall.    :angel:
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Faith on February 06, 2019, 05:31:52 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on February 05, 2019, 07:15:17 PM

Nope. Still no plan to.  We'll be seeing all 3 of them at the end of this month. That will be hard on me, to dead-name and misgender her, but I can't out her until she's ready. I'm looking forward to hearing their responses, but they have a family member who has given us all a taste of hell at the slightest provocation, and we're not ready to find out what that might be like this time around.

I hope that you have a chance to apprise them before anything happens. Controlling the initial 'out' gives you the chance to do it your way ... her way.

Quote
Then, a couple weeks later, a friend wants Beth (as Beth) and me to celebrate her birthday with a couple who has a trans grandchild. They are is doing a lot of research to answer their questions about this situation that is surprising them. For the party, Beth is considering wearing a dress in public for the first time! The wig that we ordered for her should be here by then.
YAY!! can I have pictures? :D
Quote
Speaking of hair, I've been applying egg whites and oils to her hair and scalp. I'm learning how to take care of her curly brittle hair, and her scalp's bare area on top. I'm coaxing the curls back, and new growth is filling in. Hooray!
Isn't that awesome? I have a small 'widows peak', now the receding parts are trying to fill in :)



I miss our email chats :(
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 08, 2019, 08:37:42 PM
Quote from: Faith on February 06, 2019, 05:31:52 AM
I hope that you have a chance to apprise them before anything happens. Controlling the initial 'out' gives you the chance to do it your way ... her way.
Yes, her way is my way
Quote
YAY!! can I have pictures? :DIsn't that awesome? I have a small 'widows peak', now the receding parts are trying to fill in :)
I've been trying to get her out every day, and each time, we attempt a photo shoot, but my migraines keep interfering. She is looking so beautiful as her alter ego recedes, and her hair is lively.
Quote
I miss our email chats :(
Me too.
My dear Faith, I have been working so hard on beating my migraines, I have socially isolated myself. I look forward to when I can return to my precious friends to interact again. Thank you for your patience.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: KimOct on February 13, 2019, 10:58:41 PM
Moonflower YOU ROCK !!  You and Beth are two very fortunate people and I am glad you have each other.  OMG I am actually tearing up.  I am such a romantic.  :)
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 21, 2019, 08:09:00 PM
Sweet KimOct, hooray for romance! May you find yourself soaking some up soon! It is my life-breath. Beth is my life-breath.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on March 03, 2019, 08:43:07 PM
Visit With My 3 Kids

Oldest

During a conversation with my kids this past week, one referred to a meme that was unfamiliar to me, with the caption, "It's Ma'am!" My oldest explained that a ">-bleeped-<" was at a cashier's counter, wearing a dress, and the cashier referred to her as, "Sir." Thus, the meme. My eldest concluded, with impatience, that when someone makes a choice like that, they have to expect such things. Rage swelled in me, that she would dare to be so bigoted and noncompassionate, but I was barely recovering from a migraine, so did not perpetuate the conversation opportunity, and the subject changed.

Middle

My son said at one point that if he hiked a rough mountain trail, and when he got to the summit, he discovered a lot of people there because there was a car road to the top, his hiking effort would be wasted. I questioned him about this, and he insisted that his effort would be wasted. Completely. He saw no value in hiking a rough trail unless the destination was somewhere that few people can ever get to. I finally conceded that maybe he saw it that way because he's a stereotypical man who is focused on the destination, while women are more likely to focus on the journey. He said that such stereotypes don't hold true anymore because the sexes aren't so distinct any more. I asked him to explain. He said that people are more gender fluid now, like the ancient Egyptians and Romans; more true to our nature. How delightful!

I took this opportunity to tell him that some people are concerned because they perceive that all of the students at the high school that he attended over 10 years ago are conforming to pressure to be transgender and/or homosexual. His eyes bugged out. He confirmed that this was a huge change from when he was there. I said that I like opportunities for exploring self expression. Of course, he knows that about me. Beth and I agreed to keep her in the closet during this visit, so I didn't make this conversation any more personal to me.

Youngest

My youngest mentioned that she was continuing to follow her favorite customers on Instagram from several years ago: men who bought women's shoes for themselves from the store where she worked. She said it with obvious affection and respect, which made me proud. So, my husband asked her to take us shopping to help him find a warm woman's hoodie in a pretty color. She knew exactly what he meant about men's clothes being horrid, drab colors. I pointed out how men's don't fit him well, and she agreed. We found one, and she shared our joy. Then, he wore it in front of my other two kids, and my son-in-law. He wore women's hoodies, shirts, and a coat during the entire visit, but these were all relatively androgynous.

Conclusion

I'm glad that these subjects arose. I'm glad that Beth took a big baby step by expressing a bit of her clothes preferences. We have overheard them bashing men for wearing what they (my kids) perceived as feminine clothes, years ago (e.g., nightshirts), so this was a significant milestone. I'll continue to keep my ears open for indicators that my oldest might be less judgmental, or at least hope for times when I can question her apparent misconception about why some people wear clothes that she doesn't like on them.

When we arrived home, I repeatedly scolded myself for thinking of Beth as a He, and thinking of her as her dead name. I'm so glad to be home with her again, and seeing her come back to full life.

Any thoughts? Suggestions?
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Faith on March 04, 2019, 06:03:03 AM
The youngest is almost always the easiest. They are, typically, more open minded and still soaking in new ideas. I'm lost on the ages?

The middle, based on how you expressed it, will likely be accepting if it's presented right. Give wording that allows for digestion and thought.

The oldest, will balk. Very much sounding of repeating peer generated humor and ridicule - with a meme that also points to the internet as the primary source. You won't get support without plenty of talk and thought. Overcoming such peer learned behaviors can be hard as they are very concerned with how their peers will perceive them. I know this well having experienced it myself (meaning me, that's how I was).

All three, based on what you said, might be swayed into support. Easily or with some effort. It all boils down to how they learn about it and how it's presented. How much that they love and respect the two of you will play a big role in acceptance.

On that last line, take Lori for example. she was raised in a strict, narrow-minded, religious household .. yet here I am and still married, working it out. How? She loves me. Rather than questioning me (after the shock wore off, lots of questions at that time) she started questioning her belief system. That's when she started to realize that a lot (most) of what she was taught was wrong. Too many opinions, personal views, and bias invaded the teaching and propagated.

To be 'set in your ways' yet open enough to re-visit what you were taught and was ingrained into you for years is a rare gift and a struggle with many a slippage into old thought patterns.

No matter how they end up responding, time is your friend. I mean this as time after they are told.
Every person is different in perception. Every person is different in reaction. No reaction is set in stone ... time.

I don't know how much help is in there. I'm just rambling.

It's good to 'see' you!
Faith

Sometimes your most critical antagonist becomes your strongest advocate.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Faith on March 04, 2019, 06:10:27 AM
I wanted to respond to these parts separately

Quote from: Moonflower on March 03, 2019, 08:43:07 PM
Visit With My 3 KidsThen, he wore it in front of my other two kids, and my son-in-law. He wore women's hoodies, shirts, and a coat during the entire visit, but these were all relatively androgynous.
......
I'm glad that these subjects arose. I'm glad that Beth took a big baby step by expressing a bit of her clothes preferences ....

That's a good step, you should be glad - and proud - so should Beth. Slow shift of perception works best on some. Not to mention (yet I will) it helps keep anxiety under control.

Quote
When we arrived home, I repeatedly scolded myself for thinking of Beth as a He, and thinking of her as her dead name. I'm so glad to be home with her again, and seeing her come back to full life.

Don't beat yourself up. You were out with him... She was in reserve yet still present. Thoughts match presentation. He was presenting to your children, he is how you had to think. It's ok, you know that she is there.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Anne T on March 04, 2019, 05:50:46 PM
QuoteDon't beat yourself up. You were out with him... She was in reserve yet still present. Thoughts match presentation. He was presenting to your children, he is how you had to think. It's ok, you know that she is there.

I agree with this statement.  We have to think and live in the moment of who is presenting.  It's not always easy. It's a bit of a safety step we take, possibly on a subconscious level to protect the secret or the person.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: HappyMoni on March 04, 2019, 09:12:09 PM
Grace,
   I would say that overall this was promising. Your oldest is making a comment that has no personal experience connected to it. She has no skin in the game and is probably not really going to keep that attitude long once she does. Who among us hasn't made a dumb statement about people we don't understand. I could even see it being exciting to see her be educated.

   You were in a situation where you needed Beth to play a role. You know her truth, but you had to play a part as well. I agree, don't beat yourself up. When I was in hiding, my partner was okay because no one knew but us two. When we started coming out, it got hard for her. Some knew, some didn't! It was emotional whiplash for her. Now everyone knows and she is just plain proud of me. And me of her!
Love,
Moni
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on March 05, 2019, 07:43:30 PM
Always GREAT to see you here, Faith.

Quote from: Faith on March 04, 2019, 06:03:03 AM
The youngest is almost always the easiest. They are, typically, more open minded and still soaking in new ideas.
Really? So, that must make me easy, too? I should add that to my list of my own distinguishing characteristics.
Quote
I'm lost on the ages?
Mid 20s to early 30s
Quote
..., take Lori for example. she was raised in a strict, narrow-minded, religious household .. yet here I am and still married, working it out. How? She loves me. Rather than questioning me (after the shock wore off, lots of questions at that time) she started questioning her belief system. That's when she started to realize that a lot (most) of what she was taught was wrong. Too many opinions, personal views, and bias invaded the teaching and propagated.

To be 'set in your ways' yet open enough to re-visit what you were taught and was ingrained into you for years is a rare gift and a struggle with many a slippage into old thought patterns.
Questioning one's beliefs can be overwhelming or undermining for some people. I usually find it exciting as I look forward to seeing what I'll discover. I'm usually not attached to my beliefs. They are only tiny perspectives on huge realities.
Quote
No matter how they end up responding, time is your friend. I mean this as time after they are told.
Every person is different in perception. Every person is different in reaction. No reaction is set in stone ... time.

I don't know how much help is in there. I'm just rambling.
Faith, you are always a huge help and comfort. Thank you.

I've never been so glad to have 3 kids instead of 1, so all if my eggs aren't in one basket,  and so I can see 3 very different perspectives on this matter.
Quote
Sometimes your most critical antagonist becomes your strongest advocate.
Such wise words! Such optimism! Such positive thinking!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on March 05, 2019, 07:46:45 PM
Quote from: Faith on March 04, 2019, 06:10:27 AM
Don't beat yourself up. You were out with him... She was in reserve yet still present. Thoughts match presentation. He was presenting to your children, he is how you had to think. It's ok, you know that she is there.
Thank you. You are so right. I'm learning to be gentle with myself.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on March 05, 2019, 08:21:27 PM
Quote from: HappyMoni on March 04, 2019, 09:12:09 PM
Grace,
   I would say that overall this was promising. Your oldest is making a comment that has no personal experience connected to it. She has no skin in the game and is probably not really going to keep that attitude long once she does. Who among us hasn't made a dumb statement about people we don't understand. I could even see it being exciting to see her be educated.
Thank you Moni for this perspective. You are a dear friend.
Quote
   You were in a situation where you needed Beth to play a role. You know her truth, but you had to play a part as well. I agree, don't beat yourself up. When I was in hiding, my partner was okay because no one knew but us two. When we started coming out, it got hard for her. Some knew, some didn't! It was emotional whiplash for her. Now everyone knows and she is just plain proud of me. And me of her!
Love,
Moni
When Beth was in hiding, I was OK when I was the only one who knew. But now, I hate keeping the secret. I hate being on guard. I hate working so hard to keep names and pronouns straight. I hate being afraid of others. I hate when she retracts into hiding.

Our next baby step is my best friend's birthday party. When my friend talked about it today, it sounded more like a party for Beth coming out, than for herself! What a remarkable effort. She and her husband designed the guest list for compatibility and healthy discussion.

I long for her to be out full time! I am so proud of her!

By the way, she was ma'amed last week even though she wasn't trying to present. Twice in one day! She was just being herself. Beautiful.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LizK on March 05, 2019, 10:54:18 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on March 03, 2019, 08:43:07 PM
Visit With My 3 Kids

Oldest

....
When we arrived home, I repeatedly scolded myself for thinking of Beth as a He, and thinking of her as her dead name. I'm so glad to be home with her again, and seeing her come back to full life.

Any thoughts? Suggestions?

From the reading I have done here I don't feel you should be scolding yourself. My wife really gets upset when she messes up my pronouns but she is in such a difficult position. It mainly happens upon her return from work where they are not aware of my transition so still infrequently has to use male pronouns when referring to me....to her my transition is a private matter and she is not ready to share it with her work colleagues. Like you she is very accepting and encouraging of me but you were in a difficult situation being forced to think of Beth in male terms as you are yet to have all your kids know. You have demonstrated time and time again your understanding and love...can I suggest you are remarkably caring  in so many ways that these kinds of things just take some time to work themselves out ... and they will

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on March 06, 2019, 08:09:21 PM
Quote from: LizK on March 05, 2019, 10:54:18 PM
From the reading I have done here I don't feel you should be scolding yourself. My wife really gets upset when she messes up my pronouns but she is in such a difficult position. It mainly happens upon her return from work where they are not aware of my transition so still infrequently has to use male pronouns when referring to me....to her my transition is a private matter and she is not ready to share it with her work colleagues. Like you she is very accepting and encouraging of me but you were in a difficult situation being forced to think of Beth in male terms as you are yet to have all your kids know. You have demonstrated time and time again your understanding and love...can I suggest you are remarkably caring  in so many ways that these kinds of things just take some time to work themselves out ... and they will

Take care

Liz

Thanks Liz so much for stopping by! You're looking great! I was on the edge of my seat, sending you comforting thoughts, following along with your posts until you were safely home from your surgery, and then got caught up in my own life dramas.

Thanks for your support and encouragement as I put these slip-ups into perspective.

Always appreciating you and wishing you well,
Grace
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on April 15, 2019, 05:32:36 PM
I've been away from Susan's as my sweetie and I deal with health challenges. Three drs in a row bullied her into taking a statin for her extremely high cholesterol. They put a damper on her HRT enthusiasm. We kept coming across statements advising that she balance her hormones according to conventional targets.

Finally, the fourth dr ordered lots of tests to determine why Beth's cholesterol is so high. It looks like a hormone issue, not something that a statin can address.

On the one hand, Beth's health seems to depend on her balancing her hormones.

On the other hand, Beth has been lucky to appear so feminine because her sex hormones are naturally so "unbalanced".

We welcome thoughts.

We understand that some people here gladly exchange long-term health for a body that more accurately reflects who they are. But when Beth was described as being about to have a heart attack, she was willing to put all transitioning on the back burner, in exchange for strong health and continuation of life.

As it turns out, Beth's heart health reflects all of her loving kindness. It is planning on ticking for a long time. Her cholesterol level soared to address a hormone issue, which we expect the doctor to guide us through.

Have you been in her shoes? What would you do?
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Dena on April 15, 2019, 06:35:13 PM
You may have already considered this but I would look at it from the point of diet. Being overweight or consuming unhealthy fats might at least contribute to the problem. On the other hand, elephants have high cholesterol and all they eat is grass so a doctor who will work with you is important.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on April 15, 2019, 07:52:43 PM
Thank you Dena for your caring suggestion.

Beth is slender. She eats an immaculate whole foods organic diet that is nutrient dense. Never any processed foods. She exercises hard, and feels great after each session. Her cardiac risk factors are outstanding. Those 3 doctors who just looked at one of her cholesterol numbers rattled us. We intensely dove into learning deeply about different kinds if cholesterol, what their roles are, how they interact with hormones...

Yes, we are glad to have found a doctor who is on the same page as us. Meanwhile, I hate seeing her femininity being neglected. No energy for feminine grooming (cosmetics, voice training, photographing progress, mannerisms...). We wonder if HRT is completely out of the question; we were so excited about the possible results.

I encourage her by pointing out how often she passes, and how feminine she is, but her stress level seems to be pushing her into the safer territory of more masculine persona.

Dena, talking with you is great. I realize that I need to set aside time for grooming her. We are catching our breath now as we have saturated our brains with health stuff for now, and are in a lull as we wait to meet with the dr a second time to discuss the test results. Thank you for helping me to see this.

Wishing you well,
Grace
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Faith on April 15, 2019, 09:33:19 PM
Moonflower, it's great to see you posting. Cholesterol .. yep, mine is up as well. My GP looked at it and said right away that it was likely hormone related and to just watch my diet.

health vs transition. I couldn't do it either. I'd have to choose health. I'll always be me, if I'm dead who am I?

Please don't let her drop everything. I know what it's like to shift single mindedly into one direction. It rarely ends up well, for physical and mental well-being. Lori has always hounded me guided me when I did that. Good luck keeping her on track in all aspects. A slow-down is better than a stoppage.

Post more!!
Hugs
Faith
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Dena on April 15, 2019, 10:16:57 PM
I also have marginally high Cholesterol but because my LDL (bad cholesterol) is only 72 and my HDL is 103, the doctors said don't worry about the high total. One additional item, some unprocessed fats can still be bad for you. Coconut oil is a fat that might cause problems in some people. Olive oil which is monounsaturated and polyunsaturated oils are best in this type of diet. The funny one is peanut butter. If the peanut butter is solid at room temperature, use it for mouse bait. If the peanut butter separates at room temperature, it's good for you.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LizK on April 16, 2019, 04:32:23 AM
Hi Moonflower

I have battled high cholesterol for many years and was put on statins prior to transition. My diet was no the best as I didn't much care about my health. Once I began to take care of myself as I began to transition myt then Dr refused to even entertain the idea that statins may be bad for you and when I argued he refused to see me again...he did me a huge favour as I sought out another far more knowledgeable Dr who also ran a battery of test s and determined that whilst statins were one option they were not the only one.

Careful consultation with good Dr's can lead to some really good outcomes. I have found with my hereditary high cholesterol that diet worked for me I hope a combination of things will work for Beth. It sounds like she already leats a healthy diet and the Dr's almost had a kneejerk reaction.   

So glad to see you back posting you insights have been missed

Liz
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: KimOct on April 17, 2019, 08:30:08 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on April 15, 2019, 05:32:36 PM
I've been away from Susan's as my sweetie and I deal with health challenges. Three drs in a row bullied her into taking a statin for her extremely high cholesterol. They put a damper on her HRT enthusiasm. We kept coming across statements advising that she balance her hormones according to conventional targets.

Finally, the fourth dr ordered lots of tests to determine why Beth's cholesterol is so high. It looks like a hormone issue, not something that a statin can address.

On the one hand, Beth's health seems to depend on her balancing her hormones.

On the other hand, Beth has been lucky to appear so feminine because her sex hormones are naturally so "unbalanced".

We welcome thoughts.

We understand that some people here gladly exchange long-term health for a body that more accurately reflects who they are. But when Beth was described as being about to have a heart attack, she was willing to put all transitioning on the back burner, in exchange for strong health and continuation of life.

As it turns out, Beth's heart health reflects all of her loving kindness. It is planning on ticking for a long time. Her cholesterol level soared to address a hormone issue, which we expect the doctor to guide us through.

Have you been in her shoes? What would you do?

MOONFLOWER  !!!!  My favorite SO  !!!  :)

I came by to take a peek when I saw it was you.  So sorry to hear about Beth's health issues.  Here's the thing.  The ability to do or not do certain medical procedures, medications etc do not define who someone is.

I have been battling cancer for 7 years, lost a kidney to it but it is contained.  More of a pain than anything.  Also I have had two heart attacks.  One very serious.  My heart function is 39%.  This limits my estrogen to 1/3 the normal dose.

Anyway enough of me.  I only mention my health issues to say it has nothing to do with living authentically.

I had an orchiectomy -(testicle removal)  got rid of that nasty testosterone.  :D

It is a relatively simple procedure.  But more importantly Beth can live as who she is no matter what the medical constraints.  As for me I just figured a different way to do it.

I wanted to get a nose job.  They said sure but it has to be in the hospital.  Twice the cost.  :'(

Doesn't matter.  I changed my name, my birth certificate, my drivers license, social security etc etc.  I am legally a woman.

Beth is also a woman.  Living as one is an option.  It just needs to be figured out by the two of you what that looks like.

Hugs, from your biggest fan.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on May 08, 2019, 07:32:42 PM
Thank you everyone for rallying around us, and giving  us food for thought. Monday is BlueStar's dr. appt. when we'll discuss what the test results look like, and what to do about them.

Thank you for reminding us that transitioning occurs many different ways. Thanks for encouraging us to see that health doesn't have to be sacrificed in exchange for transitioning.

I continue to refer to her with male pronouns in my mind. Something about her seems to have reverted to being more masculine, since these health scares arose. I continue to end each day, disappointed that I neglected opportunities to foster her deeper self expression.

Maybe we're trying to negotiate a deal, thinking that if she continues to be as masculine as she can be, her health issue will resolve. We're hoping that we can see a way to safely resume her HRT.

Soon the weather will be suitable for something that she has been pining for for months: a walk with me in a park in a summery dress. Our snow melted, and frosts are less often. Soon!

Hugs,
Grace
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on May 08, 2019, 09:55:59 PM
QuoteWe're hoping that we can see a way to safely resume her HRT.

I don't recall the origin of her high cholesterol.  Did it have anything to do with HRT?  I have fairly low cholesterol, so that's not a problem for me.  I also started HRT 3 weeks ago, so I'll have to see what my blood test results are, when I go for my next physical in September.  Hopefully, she'll soon be on HRT again.

Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Linde on May 08, 2019, 10:32:19 PM
@Moonflower it may be that Beth can continue on her way to femininity for a while without using hormones.  I had no clue about HRT when I started to transition, an am on that stuff now for 6 months only, and after my orchi I have a rather low dose of estrogen only, because it does not have to fight testosterone anymore.  Maybe you guys could consider an orchiectomy for Beth?
We have one lady her on this forum who had to stop taking estrogen because of a server DVT, and as far as I know, she still feels very feminin.
I am lucky, I have relatively low cholesterol, but I eat mostly fish, vegetables and use healthy fats.  maybe a realignment of her diet may also help?

Good luck for you guys!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on May 14, 2019, 05:45:58 AM
Quote from: AnneK on May 08, 2019, 09:55:59 PM
I don't recall the origin of her high cholesterol.  Did it have anything to do with HRT?  I have fairly low cholesterol, so that's not a problem for me.  I also started HRT 3 weeks ago, so I'll have to see what my blood test results are, when I go for my next physical in September.  Hopefully, she'll soon be on HRT again.

Thanks, Anne, for sharing this journey. We still don't know the origin of Beth's high cholesterol. Her hunch is that it is a reaction to her (subclinical) low thyroid functioning. Yesterday we met with her Functional Medicine dr, and she confirmed that Beth's thyroid and cholesterol have improved since Beth has been taking a thyroid gland supplement. We wonder if Beth's naturally-low testosterone level might be contributing, since it is a hormone, like T3 and T4, but we forgot to ask yesterday.

3 weeks for you on HRT! Congratulations! May it be only good for you! May you receive only benefits from it! May it help you get to where you want to be!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on May 14, 2019, 06:02:53 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on May 14, 2019, 05:45:58 AM
Thanks, Anne, for sharing this journey. We still don't know the origin of Beth's high cholesterol. Her hunch is that it is a reaction to her (subclinical) low thyroid functioning. Yesterday we met with her Functional Medicine dr, and she confirmed that Beth's thyroid and cholesterol have improved since Beth has been taking a thyroid gland supplement. We wonder if Beth's naturally-low testosterone level might be contributing, since it is a hormone, like T3 and T4, but we forgot to ask yesterday.

Glad to see there's still hope.

Quote3 weeks for you on HRT! Congratulations! May it be only good for you! May you receive only benefits from it! May it help you get to where you want to be!

Thank you.

It'll be 4 weeks tomorrow.  And yes, I'm finding it's what I want to do.  It just feels so right.  I have noticed some breast growth, starting about a week ago.  Also, my areola seem to be in the process of enlarging.  I expect I'll soon have to buy some news bras.   ;)

Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on May 14, 2019, 06:17:57 AM
Quote from: Linde on May 08, 2019, 10:32:19 PM
@Moonflower it may be that Beth can continue on her way to femininity for a while without using hormones.  I had no clue about HRT when I started to transition, an am on that stuff now for 6 months only, and after my orchi I have a rather low dose of estrogen only, because it does not have to fight testosterone anymore.  Maybe you guys could consider an orchiectomy for Beth?
We have one lady her on this forum who had to stop taking estrogen because of a server DVT, and as far as I know, she still feels very feminin.
I am lucky, I have relatively low cholesterol, but I eat mostly fish, vegetables and use healthy fats.  maybe a realignment of her diet may also help?

Good luck for you guys!

Thank you, Linde, for checking in with us. HRT is something that Beth is deeply longing for, but the cholesterol issue is blocking her transition energy. We are afraid that an orchiectomy might aggravate the hormone imbalance that seems to be at the root of the cholesterol issue.

Yesterday, when the doctor reviewed the changes that Beth made since her last visit, she zoomed in on the thyroid supplement that Beth has been using, and prescribed a (possibly) better one. Perhaps bringing her thyroid up to speed will do the trick. The dr.is considering suggesting a trial low-fat vegan diet, but not yet. She is focusing on fixing the thyroid issue first with direct support. I love how this dr thinks out loud and presents many choices with humble recognition that she doesn't know what will work best, and supports whatever Beth chooses to try.

I am stunned that you have been on HRT for 6 months! It seems like you started just a few days ago! Time has been flying! We're glad that it is working out well for you. We always wish you the best,
Grace
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on May 14, 2019, 07:08:56 AM
Quote from: AnneK on May 14, 2019, 06:02:53 AM
I'm finding it's what I want to do.  It just feels so right.  I have noticed some breast growth, starting about a week ago.  Also, my areola seem to be in the process of enlarging.  I expect I'll soon have to buy some news bras.   ;)

Hooray for bra shopping! May you soon outgrow your new bras ;)

When Beth's breasts started responding to her HRT, I remembered how happy I was when my breasts started growing. I remembered being annoyed with the boys who made such a fuss about how tender their testicles were, when my breasts seemed just as tender.

Take care,
Grace
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on May 14, 2019, 07:48:02 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on May 14, 2019, 07:08:56 AM
Hooray for bra shopping! May you soon outgrow your new bras ;)

When Beth's breasts started responding to her HRT, I remembered how happy I was when my breasts started growing. I remembered being annoyed with the boys who made such a fuss about how tender their testicles were, when my breasts seemed just as tender.

Take care,
Grace

I also remember those days, many years ago.  It seemed some girls "bloomed" overnight!  I do recall I did not want to go through puberty.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on May 14, 2019, 08:10:33 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on May 14, 2019, 07:08:56 AM
Hooray for bra shopping! May you soon outgrow your new bras ;)

That's why I'm looking in Walmart, rather than the bra shop I usually go to.  I'm also considering sports bras, as they don't seem to so limiting as to size.  I bought one a while ago.

I'll go back to buying good bras, once the growth slows/stops.  The 38As I've been wearing since I started wearing a bra daily are now getting a bit snug.   :)
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on May 14, 2019, 08:00:51 PM
Quote from: AnneK on May 14, 2019, 08:10:33 AM
The 38As I've been wearing since I started wearing a bra daily are now getting a bit snug.   :)

:)
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Linde on May 14, 2019, 08:30:05 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on May 14, 2019, 07:08:56 AM
I remembered being annoyed with the boys who made such a fuss about how tender their testicles were, when my breasts seemed just as tender.

Take care,
Grace
Believe me, the most horrible breast/nipple pain cannot come close to the pain that is felt from a kick into the balls!

I had the chance to experience both!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Linde on May 14, 2019, 08:33:19 PM
Quote from: AnneK on May 14, 2019, 08:10:33 AM
That's why I'm looking in Walmart, rather than the bra shop I usually go to.  I'm also considering sports bras, as they don't seem to so limiting as to size.  I bought one a while ago.

I'll go back to buying good bras, once the growth slows/stops.  The 38As I've been wearing since I started wearing a bra daily are now getting a bit snug.   :)
Would you mind telling me why you wear a bra?  I wear those contraptions only if a clothing item I wear on top calls for one.
I have a 40 B bust trying very hard to become a 40 C.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on May 14, 2019, 10:04:30 PM
Wearing a bra just seems like the right thing to do.  I feel naked without one.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Linde on May 14, 2019, 11:58:17 PM
Quote from: AnneK on May 14, 2019, 10:04:30 PM
Wearing a bra just seems like the right thing to do.  I feel naked without one.
Interesting,  it may have to do with the climate I am in, nobody in her right mind would wear pantyhose if not absolutely required.  And a bra is just another piece of clothing that heat me up.  I never leave the house without nail polish or lipstick on, and my brows are microbladed and thus maintenance free.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on May 15, 2019, 06:01:15 AM
I grew up in a time when women wouldn't be caught dead going out without nylons on.  In my mind, hose and bras are feminine attire.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on May 15, 2019, 07:06:28 AM
Quote from: AnneK on May 15, 2019, 06:01:15 AM
I grew up in a time when women wouldn't be caught dead going out without nylons on.  In my mind, hose and bras are feminine attire.

I can relate! I love the look and feel of nylons, except when they get runs.Likewise, I have always lived in in a culture where it was "proper" for a woman to always be wearing a bra. Also, I find bras to be confirmation of femininity. They help put my breasts where they belong, and improve my shape.

I'm in northern New York where summer lasts just a few weeks, so bras help keep me warm during most of the year. But when the temperature goes over 80F, I still wear a cami that has a "shelf bra".
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: AnneK on May 15, 2019, 08:09:25 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on May 15, 2019, 07:06:28 AM
I can relate! I love the look and feel of nylons, except when they get runs.Likewise, I have always lived in in a culture where it was "proper" for a woman to always be wearing a bra. Also, I find bras to be confirmation of femininity. They help put my breasts where they belong, and improve my shape.

I'm in northern New York where summer lasts just a few weeks, so bras help keep me warm during most of the year. But when the temperature goes over 80F, I still wear a cami that has a "shelf bra".

Well, you're  just across the lake from me.  I live near Toronto.  The only time I find a bra or pantyhose to be uncomfortable is in hot, sticky weather.  I'm surprised so many women don't wear hose, when their legs look so much better with them.  There are very few women with legs nice enough that they can't be improved with hosiery.  Do these women not realize that every flaw is visible, when not wearing hose?

BTW, the first trans thing I did was "borrow" my sister's tights and later graduated to her stockings (pantyhose weren't common back then).
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Linde on May 15, 2019, 12:05:30 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on May 15, 2019, 07:06:28 AM
I can relate! I love the look and feel of nylons, except when they get runs.Likewise, I have always lived in in a culture where it was "proper" for a woman to always be wearing a bra. Also, I find bras to be confirmation of femininity. They help put my breasts where they belong, and improve my shape.

I'm in northern New York where summer lasts just a few weeks, so bras help keep me warm during most of the year. But when the temperature goes over 80F, I still wear a cami that has a "shelf bra".
I grew up in north western Germany, not raelly one of the hot places in the world.  And I lived for about 40 years in north western Wisconsin, also not one of the hot spots.  My mother would never have left the house without bra and nylons/panty hose.
But I moved to the deep south of Florida, and live now in the eternal summer.  I learned pretty fast to do as the locals do, wear as little clothing as possible.  And because my boobs are pretty firm (the typical thing for trans women), I don't need to wear a bra to keep them in place.  I just wear some tops that ensure that the nipples don't poke out.

And believe me, unrestricted boobs are pretty comfy!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 05, 2024, 03:17:48 PM
In support of reviving Susan's Place, I'm feeling the urge to revive one of my most active threads on this board.

I'm so excited about the leaps in progress that my sweetheart suddenly made! Last Fall, she began coming out to her new team of doctors. Her new PCP deliberately referred her to a trans-friendly endocrinologist for various hormone issues. Her new cardiologist disagreed with the Planned Parenthood doctor who had discouraged her from continuing on estrogen. Today, for the first time, we met with the local urologist who does reconstructive gender-affirming surgery. It went great! His nurse navigator will connect my sweetheart with the resources that she needs, including trans-friendly mental health and endocrinology. I'm so proud of her courage! I'm so pleased to be on this journey with her!

I welcome any questions. I'm eager to support your journey if you're someone who might be suddenly disappointed to discover this fact about your partner, or who might be wondering how to be supportive.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Jessica_Rose on January 05, 2024, 03:39:21 PM
Thanks so much for coming back, Moonflower! The support you show for your partner melts my heart. It sounds like you and your partner will be taking some major steps soon, I hope everything goes smoothly.

Love always -- Jess
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 13, 2024, 04:57:45 PM
For an hour by video, we met with the local urologist who offers vulvoplasty. He began getting requests in 2017 from trans people whose gender confirmation surgery (done elsewhere) needed repaired. A few years later, an 80- or 90-year-old trans woman asked him to remove the dangly bits and do a minimal labia construction. He said that he made no promises about the results, but the patient was thoroughly pleased.

He began working with a plastic surgeon to do gender confirmation surgeries. The plastic surgeon left a year and a half ago. The person who replaced him refuses to do GCS, so the urologist has met with a number of other surgeons to compare procedures. He's not a plastic surgeon, so is limited in what he can do, especially regarding fat implants to make outer labia "fluffy".

He's enthusiastic about doing what he think he can. He hopes his patients will agree to be models so prospective patients can see examples of his work. He's available immediately.

His nurse navigator just changed jobs, and we're looking forward to connecting with his new one.

His admin has been helpful in the meantime. The urologist referred my sweetheart to a certain endocrinologist for HRT. When we called to schedule the appointment, the receptionist said that the endo was no longer accepting patients who had gender dysphoria. She referred us to Inclusive Health Services. We were excited. We understood that Upstate Medical Center had been developing its Transgender Services.

But when we looked at the online presence, we found that it was funded by an AIDS grant and is part of the Infectious Diseases clinic. No MD or DO. Just nurses (not NPs or PAs), social workers, and a psychiatrist. My sweetie sent a message to the urologist asking about this.

Within a couple hours, his admin said she talked with the endocrinologist, who said she'll be glad to work with my honey and will set an appointment soon. Phew!

We're taking some time to see how this all feels and consider exploring services farther from home. Getting everything from one medical center close to home feels like a huge advantage.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 15, 2024, 06:21:09 PM
Breasts

I'm remembering when my chest was flat as a board as a teenager. I liked the idea that breasts were going to grow some day, but as they grew, I had second thoughts.

Now I really like having a flat chest again. It feels RIGHT. Getting rid of the cancer, for sure, was the main motivation, but more was bubbling up to the surface. As I talked with queer friends, I realized that my flat chest would mean more than cleaning out cancer. It reconnected me with my androgyny. I embraced that.

During those couple days before my surgery, I found myself mourning the loss of the breasts that nurtured my babies. Being post-menopausal, of course I would never nurse another baby, but the surgery made this fact more definite.

Today, I put on a relatively new sweater that I used to love, which is now a bit too small. I wondered what it would be like to be so conspicuously flat-chested. I felt like I was acting in support of other flat-chested women, eliminating a little bit of shame. I'm amused now as I remember my new pulmonologist reading down my lengthy list of diagnoses this morning, doubting that I truly had most of them. And then he arrived at cancer and stopped short, apologized, and said, as if he didn't believe it, "You had a mastectomy?"

I've often heard other cancer patients' surprise from the apparent fact that "no one" notices their lost body parts. Perhaps some people are so busy with their thoughts that they really don't notice. I've come across people here at Susan's who are similarly surprised when no one notices their bodies changing.

What are your thoughts, feelings, and experiences regarding gaining and removing body parts?
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 15, 2024, 06:52:03 PM
@Moonflower
Dear Moonflower:
I am very happy that you were able to resurrect and revive your "Opening the cage" thread.

I have followed your postings and sharing of your thoughts on this thread since you started
it back in October of 2018.  Your experiences, along with what you have stated about your
sweetheart and the life choices that you two are making together are an interesting
and a positive reading experience.

I wish both of you happiness as well as good health as you continue on.
I have put your thread in my Bookmarks so it will be always at my fingertips.

Many HUGS,
Danielle
  [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Moonflower on January 05, 2024, 03:17:48 PMIn support of reviving Susan's Place, I'm feeling the urge to revive one of my most active threads on this board.

I'm so excited about the leaps in progress that my sweetheart suddenly made! Last Fall, she began coming out to her new team of doctors. Her new PCP deliberately referred her to a trans-friendly endocrinologist for various hormone issues. Her new cardiologist disagreed with the Planned Parenthood doctor who had discouraged her from continuing on estrogen. Today, for the first time, we met with the local urologist who does reconstructive gender-affirming surgery. It went great! His nurse navigator will connect my sweetheart with the resources that she needs, including trans-friendly mental health and endocrinology. I'm so proud of her courage! I'm so pleased to be on this journey with her!

I welcome any questions. I'm eager to support your journey if you're someone who might be suddenly disappointed to discover this fact about your partner, or who might be wondering how to be supportive.
[/size][/b]
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Jessica_Rose on January 16, 2024, 05:54:29 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on January 15, 2024, 06:21:09 PMI've often heard other cancer patients' surprise from the apparent fact that "no one" notices their lost body parts. Perhaps some people are so busy with their thoughts that they really don't notice. I've come across people here at Susan's who are similarly surprised when no one notices their bodies changing.

What are your thoughts, feelings, and experiences regarding gaining and removing body parts?

My experience was similar to yours. Within the first year of my journey, I lost over 40 pounds and stopped cutting my hair. No one mentioned the weight loss, and only one person said anything about my hair. I was certain someone would notice my breasts, but no one ever said anything. As you stated, most people are just so busy with their own thoughts that they simply don't notice. One person did notice a dramatic change about a week before I came out at work, he said 'I don't know what you're doing, but you sure seem to be a lot happier lately.'

I love my new body parts, and don't miss my old ones -- except on the rare occasion when public restrooms are either very dirty or not available. My old parts were a hindrance, they prevented my clothes from fitting well and caused unexpected discomfort when not arranged properly. My new parts never bother me, and they don't have a mind of their own.

Love always -- Jess
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 17, 2024, 05:00:45 PM
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on January 15, 2024, 06:52:03 PMYour experiences, along with what you have stated about your sweetheart and the life choices that you two are making together are an interesting and a positive reading experience.
Comments like yours, Danielle, motivate me to keep sharing our stories. We yearn to encourage.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 17, 2024, 05:07:22 PM
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 16, 2024, 05:54:29 AMWithin the first year of my journey, I lost over 40 pounds and stopped cutting my hair. No one mentioned the weight loss, and only one person said anything about my hair. I was certain someone would notice my breasts, but no one ever said anything. 

That's amazing!

When do you think your newest body parts will stop being "new"? For over 40 years, my breasts surprised me as if they were still new.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Jessica_Rose on January 17, 2024, 05:25:31 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on January 17, 2024, 05:07:22 PMThat's amazing!

When do you think your newest body parts will stop being "new"? For over 40 years, my breasts surprised me as if they were still new.

I have grown accustomed to my 'new' accessories. My breasts no longer surprise me, and my entertainment center works as it should, even though I can't find the instruction manual. When I take the time to look at my reflection, I have a difficult time believing that it's me. My heart says 'wow, she's beautiful', but my mind says 'who the hell is that?' Maybe one day my mind will figure it out. Despite the challenges, it is nice to finally be me.

Love always -- Jess
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 17, 2024, 05:35:27 PM
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 17, 2024, 05:25:31 PMI have grown accustomed to my 'new' accessories. My breasts no longer surprise me, and my entertainment center works as it should, even though I can't find the instruction manual. When I take the time to look at my reflection, I have a difficult time believing that it's me. My heart says 'wow, she's beautiful', but my mind says 'who the hell is that?' Maybe one day my mind will figure it out. Despite the challenges, it is nice to finally be me.

Love always -- Jess

This may seem odd, but it is difficult at many times for me to not touch my breasts.
So I am still in awe they are there.  I do not make it a sexual thing. 

Chrissy
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 17, 2024, 05:36:40 PM
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 17, 2024, 05:25:31 PMI have grown accustomed to my 'new' accessories. My breasts no longer surprise me, and my entertainment center works as it should, even though I can't find the instruction manual. When I take the time to look at my reflection, I have a difficult time believing that it's me. My heart says 'wow, she's beautiful', but my mind says 'who the hell is that?' Maybe one day my mind will figure it out. Despite the challenges, it is nice to finally be me.

Love always -- Jess

Jess,

That is funny (about the instruction manual.)    LOL.

Chrissy
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 17, 2024, 06:03:45 PM
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 17, 2024, 05:25:31 PMMy heart says 'wow, she's beautiful'

She is. You are. Maybe taking more time to look at your reflection will help? Feast your mind.

The instruction manual is going to have to be yours to write as you discover your features.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 17, 2024, 06:09:20 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 17, 2024, 05:35:27 PMit is difficult at many times for me to not touch my breasts.
So I am still in awe they are there. 
As you said,
QuoteAccepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating."
Hooray for celebration!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 17, 2024, 06:35:11 PM
Bummer. I finished our errands while my sweetheart hid in the car even though it was around 15°F and windy.

Our first stop had been the lab. The phlebotomist called her by her preferred name, as expected. Another phlebotomist along the way said something about going to get Beth. Our phlebotomist said, "He's Beth."

I was caught off guard. We're so used to everyone being so well trained about preferred names and pronouns. I wish I'd said, " SHE's Beth."

Oh well. Just one incident in an otherwise supportive environment.

Until we were leaving my appt. with my primary care dr. As I was checking out, the receptionist asked, "Are you with him?"

I think it might have been the super-warm men's parka. Or the brown canvas bag that she uses as a purse. She thinks it was her voice. We've gotten so used to her passing!

When we got home and recalled the day's events, she was bubbling with enthusiasm for transitioning! She's been adding to her ToDo list. I love seeing her shed her man costume and bloom!

Her man costume. How interesting that she was born on Halloween, a day of costumes. That man costume never fit her well.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Jessica_Rose on January 17, 2024, 06:55:41 PM
QuoteHer man costume. How interesting that she was born on Halloween, a day of costumes. That man costume never fit her well.

This is why I have never enjoyed Halloween. All my life, I was forced to wear a costume to conform with other's expectations. I only wanted to be myself, and now I refuse to hide who I have become.

When you're in that in-between phase, heavy coats make it difficult for others to gender us properly. Having a colorful purse helps, or coat that is a color more favored by women. We need to have as many visible cues as possible to increase the chances of others getting our pronouns right. I'm sorry that happened to Beth, but it will get better.

Love always -- Jess
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 18, 2024, 04:37:22 AM
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 17, 2024, 06:55:41 PMHaving a colorful purse helps

Great suggestion! We talked about this this morning. I remembered two women who carry huge purses. One purse is full of cosmetics. The other has a change of clothes and a sewing kit. She always likes to have a thick heavy math textbook with her (and notebooks, big corded headphones, highlighters, pens, pencils, eraser...) to occupy any down time that might happen.

Mine is half empty, now that it's not full of kid or work stuff. Just sunglasses, wallet, tissues (for my nose and public restrooms that don't have any TP), salve, N95 masks, pens, a few pills, sometimes a snack. Funny how purse contents can vary so much.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 18, 2024, 04:39:18 AM
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 17, 2024, 06:55:41 PMWe need to have as many visible cues as possible to increase the chances of others getting our pronouns right.
Great point! We're helping others to get it right!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Faith on January 18, 2024, 08:23:06 AM
Logged in just to say Hi to you, Moonflower. So .. HI!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 18, 2024, 06:10:56 PM
Quote from: Faith on January 18, 2024, 08:23:06 AMLogged in just to say Hi to you, Moonflower. So .. HI!

Great to see you here again, Faith.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 22, 2024, 06:06:02 AM
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 17, 2024, 06:55:41 PMHaving a colorful purse helps

Done! We looked online yesterday and she found a "travel bag" almost immediately that she liked, which will probably fit all her "purse" stuff, including her 2" 3-ring binder. Goodbye utilitarian dark dirt-colored canvas man-bag!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Jessica_Rose on January 22, 2024, 07:03:42 AM
Quote from: Moonflower on January 22, 2024, 06:06:02 AMDone! We looked online yesterday and she found a "travel bag" almost immediately that she liked, which will probably fit all her "purse" stuff, including her 2" 3-ring binder. Goodbye utilitarian dark dirt-colored canvas man-bag!

Great! Every extra little cue you can add helps. Even just getting into the middle ground where people aren't sure can be a 'win'. It's been my experience that women usually wear more colorful clothing and accessorize more.

Love always -- Jess
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 23, 2024, 09:47:52 PM
@Moonflower
Dear Moonflower:

Your very "special day" ...
          .... your Birthday is on Wednesday, January 24th

Everyone on the Forum is wishing you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
                                                              :icon_bunch:  :icon_birthday:  :icon_birthday:  :icon_birthday:  :icon_bunch:

I hope that your plans for your Birthday and Special Day are filled with happiness.

                  and with   Friends and Family
                                                    Candles and Cake


Be certain to look at your profile on your Birthday to find a Special Gift.


Warmest Regards and Happy Birthday
Danielle
[Northern Star Girl}
                        (https://i.imgur.com/dC2vE2El.jpg)
           
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Susan on January 23, 2024, 11:18:23 PM
🎂✨ Happy Birthday, Moonflower! 🌙🌼

Today at Susan's Place, we're lighting up the virtual candles to celebrate a very special day – it's your birthday, Moonflower! 🥳

Your name evokes images of beauty and tranquility, akin to the enchanting flower that blooms under the moon's gentle glow. On this joyous occasion, my wish for you is to feel as cherished and appreciated as you undoubtedly are.

May your birthday be a reflection of the serene and beautiful essence you carry. Picture a garden under the moonlight, peaceful and full of life, just like the year that lies ahead of you, filled with moments of joy, wonder, and contentment.

Here's to a year as wonderful and inspiring as you are, filled with love, laughter, and countless happy memories. 🌟🎉

Sending you all the best wishes,
Susan Larson 🌹🎈
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Sarah B on January 24, 2024, 12:37:36 AM
Happy Birthday Moonflower from down under.  I hope you have a wonderful day.

Best wishes, take care and a hug from me
Sarah B
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 24, 2024, 05:25:36 AM
Happy birthday Moonflower!

Chrissy
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Jessica_Rose on January 24, 2024, 07:44:06 AM
Happy Birthday, Moonflower! I hope you and your loved ones have a fabulous day!

 :icon_birthday: 

Love always -- Jess
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 24, 2024, 08:09:16 AM
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on January 23, 2024, 09:47:52 PM
Be certain to look at your profile on your Birthday to find a Special Gift.

So sweet!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on January 24, 2024, 04:42:28 PM
Quote from: Susan on January 23, 2024, 11:18:23 PM🎂✨ Happy Birthday, Moonflower! 🌙🌼
Thank you dear Susan!
QuoteToday at Susan's Place, we're lighting up the virtual candles to celebrate a very special day – it's your birthday, Moonflower! 🥳
Beautiful!
QuoteYour name evokes images of beauty and tranquility, akin to the enchanting flower that blooms under the moon's gentle glow.
May it be so!
QuoteOn this joyous occasion, my wish for you is to feel as cherished and appreciated as you undoubtedly are.
I do feel cherished and appreciated by many people. It's really nice.
QuoteMay your birthday be a reflection of the serene and beautiful essence you carry.
May such essence be contagious.
QuotePicture a garden under the moonlight, peaceful and full of life, just like the year that lies ahead of you, filled with moments of joy, wonder, and contentment.
May the garden include and bless you.
QuoteHere's to a year as wonderful and inspiring as you are, filled with love, laughter, and countless happy memories. 🌟🎉
May I continue to inspire as I enjoy being here in this place of loving nurturance.
QuoteSending you all the best wishes,
Susan Larson 🌹🎈
Thank you 💝
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: D'Amalie on January 25, 2024, 09:20:53 AM
Happy belated anniversary of the day you were given to our world.  May you continue to grace us so.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Sarah B on January 27, 2024, 06:15:34 AM
Hi Moonflower

Me, I must be just a plain old boring Jane literally.  Why must you ask?  All I have ever basically brought was black leather handbags and purses.  Not long before my mum passed away, she said to me, "I will buy you a new handbag", being considerate, kind and embarrassed that mum would like to buy me a handbag. So I refused, stupid mistake.

It was not that we did not have money to buy such an item and the bag was getting old anyway.  Long story short I should have let her buy me that bag at least, I would have something to remember her by.

By the way, my mobile phone (cell) is black, but the cover is brown, I need to fix that, pronto.  Have a wonderful day and take care.

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B

Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 05, 2024, 04:53:38 PM
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 22, 2024, 07:03:42 AMGreat! Every extra little cue you can add helps. Even just getting into the middle ground where people aren't sure can be a 'win'.

Love always -- Jess
My sweetheart switched to her new Female bag, and was instantly rewarded with a shower of female references!
QuoteIt's been my experience that women usually wear more colorful clothing and accessorize more.
My sweetheart certainly gravitates to feminine colors and silhouettes. She's considering jewelry...
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: ChrissyRyan on February 05, 2024, 04:56:18 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on February 05, 2024, 04:53:38 PMMy sweetheart switched to her new Female bag, and was instantly rewarded with a shower of female references! My sweetheart certainly gravitates to feminine colors and silhouettes. She's considering jewelry...


 :)
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 05, 2024, 04:57:40 PM
Quote from: Sarah B on January 27, 2024, 06:15:34 AMBy the way, my mobile phone (cell) is black, but the cover is brown, I need to fix that, pronto. 
I got my sweetheart her first smart phone last month. Of course, she chose a swirly pink case. Such fun!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: ChrissyRyan on February 05, 2024, 04:59:27 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on February 05, 2024, 04:53:38 PMMy sweetheart switched to her new Female bag, and was instantly rewarded with a shower of female references! My sweetheart certainly gravitates to feminine colors and silhouettes. She's considering jewelry...

Pastels have become more appealing to me over time.

Chrissy
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Jessica_Rose on February 05, 2024, 08:04:23 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on February 05, 2024, 04:53:38 PMMy sweetheart switched to her new Female bag, and was instantly rewarded with a shower of female references! My sweetheart certainly gravitates to feminine colors and silhouettes. She's considering jewelry...

Awesome! It's always great to hear someone making progress. Jewelry is a nice touch. I feel naked without earrings, even when I'm naked.

Love always -- Jess
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: johnwhimsy on February 06, 2024, 07:29:19 PM
Quote from: Moonflower on February 05, 2024, 04:53:38 PMMy sweetheart switched to her new Female bag, and was instantly rewarded with a shower of female references! My sweetheart certainly gravitates to feminine colors and silhouettes. She's considering jewelry...

Mine loves to do her hair, and it's really helped recently!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: ChrissyRyan on February 09, 2024, 06:11:48 PM
Some days I seem to want to immerse myself with "female" things.

I mean most anytime I am simply being myself as a female.  What is different is that I may do some of these things:  I might get myself a dozen red roses (although my sweetie, she gives me some from time to time), maybe get some potpourri, go out to lunch with girlfriends, read romantic short stories, wear some very feminine colors and fabrics, go to a spa, and things like that.  I guess it is way to celebrate my femininity.

I do not think that is anything extreme, maybe it is just pampering myself.

Chrissy
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PM
Yesterday, my sweetheart and I met with a psychotherapist who only works with trans people and their supporters. She is a professor of trans studies and avid supporter of young adult and teenage trans people. We had so much fun telling our story! She enthusiastically agreed to write letters of recommendation for resuming HRT and proceeding with surgery.

My sweetheart dressed as she wished IN PUBLIC for the first time ever yesterday! We went grocery shopping before meeting with the therapist, and no one batted an eye. She said it was so easy. She was so ready!

The therapist was so sweet, pointing out that my sweetheart has been living full time as a woman at home for years. As my sweetheart told her story of disinterest in "boy" things and the appeal of "girl" things; extremely late puberty that was probably finally drug-induced, very low testosterone, etc., the therapist pointed out that her body clearly was expressing itself as a female. It was great, getting her perspective and support.

On the way out, she urged my sweetheart to change her name now because she's no Xxxxx {deadname}. That made my sweetheart glow.

The therapist has been creating resources for her trans students. One is the upcoming Trans Support Day. She urged us to attend. It's on our calendar with no apparent conflicts.

I felt so happy to hear my sweetheart speak so freely. As a woman, she does that. As a man, she's extremely reclusive. I felt so glad to be me, in touch with my life-long inability to comprehend binary gender identities, resisting sex roles and gender stereotypes, and then demanding that my kids discover and be their authentic selves instead of trying to fit them into cookie cutters. And now I have this incredible partner who has been hiding in a man shell and is hatching. I loved seeing her reveal herself to someone else as her gorgeous, real self. I love being the person who has the sense to be excited about her baby steps and giant leaps. I love discovering how she's doing this journey.

The next big event was today. She came to my doctor's appointment as a woman. They don't really know her, so they might not have even noticed that I brought "someone else". It was another big step, which she said felt easy. It was time.

The next big event on our calendar is later this month: meeting the endocrinologist who will discuss resuming HRT.

In the meantime, she's suddenly eager to tell my kids, so we're discussing how to do that. So exciting! I'm really glad that I'll be able to stop dead-naming her and concealing who she is.

And in a couple weeks, we will have met 25 years ago!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Jessica_Rose on February 16, 2024, 06:51:23 PM
I have no words which can properly convey my profound joy at hearing those recent developments. Congratulations to you and your sweetheart, Moonflower!

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Sarah B on February 16, 2024, 06:58:02 PM
Hi Moonflower

Nice to see you again, have you been busy?  I have and hopefully I will have a sort of a quite weekend, but alas not at the moment.  Yes, I will post the first part of "Sarah's Race to SRS Part I", by the finish of the weekend.  Well I will try my best.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMYesterday, my sweetheart and I met with a psychotherapist who only works with trans people and their supporters. She is a professor of trans studies and avid supporter of young adult and teenage trans people. We had so much fun telling our story! She enthusiastically agreed to write letters of recommendation for resuming HRT and proceeding with surgery

Such good news, for your sweetheart to resume HRT.  I assume this will be your sweethearts first surgery letter.  How many surgery letters does your sweetheart need to be able to get surgery in your area? if you don't mind me asking.  So big win for both of you.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMMy sweetheart dressed as she wished IN PUBLIC for the first time ever yesterday! We went grocery shopping before meeting with the therapist, and no one batted an eye. She said it was so easy. She was so ready!

Another big win, as your sweetheart may have gathered it's so easy to do once you have done it once.  All she has to remember is to be herself and everything will fall into place.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMThe therapist was so sweet, pointing out that my sweetheart has been living full time as a woman at home for years. As my sweetheart told her story of disinterest in "boy" things and the appeal of "girl" things; extremely late puberty that was probably finally drug-induced, very low testosterone, etc., the therapist pointed out that her body clearly was expressing itself as a female. It was great, getting her perspective and support.

There again lies the yearning to be female inherent in all of us who have that 'medical condition',  In my story,  'Childhood Memories", I had the same longing to be a female or a girl.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMOn the way out, she urged my sweetheart to change her name now because she's no Xxxxx {deadname}. That made my sweetheart glow.

The sooner one changes your legal name and documents the better off you are down the track, but the therapist saying change your sweethearts name is definitely a compliment of epic proportions.  So yes a massive boost to you and your sweethearts confidence.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMThe therapist has been creating resources for her trans students. One is the upcoming Trans Support Day. She urged us to attend. It's on our calendar with no apparent conflicts.

I hope all goes well on that day.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMI felt so happy to hear my sweetheart speak so freely. As a woman, she does that. As a man, she's extremely reclusive. I felt so glad to be me, in touch with my life-long inability to comprehend binary gender identities, resisting sex roles and gender stereotypes, and then demanding that my kids discover and be their authentic selves instead of trying to fit them into cookie cutters.

One small step leads to another small step and one grows into a wonderful person and you and your sweetheart have instilled that in your children and as a parent you cannot do any better in fact, you have exceeded the expectations of a loving parent.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMAnd now I have this incredible partner who has been hiding in a man shell and is hatching. I loved seeing her reveal herself to someone else as her gorgeous, real self. I love being the person who has the sense to be excited about her baby steps and giant leaps. I love discovering how she's doing this journey.

Watching your sweetheart take baby steps, is joyous moment in your life and will certainly be part of your memories for years to come.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMThe next big event was today. She came to my doctor's appointment as a woman. They don't really know her, so they might not have even noticed that I brought "someone else". It was another big step, which she said felt easy. It was time.

Each time your sweetheart shows herself, becomes easier and easier for her and eventually one does not worry about whats going on around ones self, because everybody is caught up in their own world.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMThe next big event on our calendar is later this month: meeting the endocrinologist who will discuss resuming HRT.

I hope all goes well when this appointment comes around

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMIn the meantime, she's suddenly eager to tell my kids, so we're discussing how to do that. So exciting! I'm really glad that I'll be able to stop dead-naming her and concealing who she is.

Massive changes and hopefully peace of mind will ensue when you tell your children.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 16, 2024, 05:41:58 PMAnd in a couple weeks, we will have met 25 years ago!

Celebrations and success all around is all I see.  Thank you for sharing your life with us on Susan's it's very much appreciated.

Love and Hugs for you and your sweetheart
Sarah B
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 16, 2024, 07:00:59 PM
@Moonflower
Dear Grace:
Wow... thank you for reporting your really good, good news regarding
you and your sweetheart.
You are describing something that some couples can only dream about.

You stated:
"The therapist has been creating resources for her trans students. One is the upcoming Trans Support Day. She urged us to attend. It's on our calendar with no apparent conflicts."

Yes, for sure, put that date on your calendar and plan to attend together.

Thank you for sharing your positive and uplifting report... what you stated
will help to inspire other members that are reading your Blog thread.

Many HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Faith on February 17, 2024, 05:22:29 AM
Such an awesome thing to read first thing in [my] morning. Congratulations to both of you for this huge milestone. In my experience, nothing compares to being able to go out as me and just be.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AM
Quote from: Sarah B on February 16, 2024, 06:58:02 PMHi Moonflower
Nice to see you again

You too! Always!

QuoteHow many surgery letters does your sweetheart need to be able to get surgery in your area? if you don't mind me asking. 

No problem. I welcome all questions. Susan's Place is a great place for sharing.

I understand from the WPATH Standards of Care that just one letter is required, however the surgeon said that insurance companies have added barriers to care, including requiring more letters, letters from specially-credentialed practitioners, and letters that resulted from multiple meetings. We're covered by Traditional Medicare, which we have found to be MUCH more accomodating and respectful of doctors than Medicare Advantage plans and other private insurance plans.

The therapist has a PhD and is a published author of peer-reviewed trans research, so should be a recognizable, respected authority when the local Medicare review board decides whether to approve the claims for services.

The therapist advised us to also get a letter from a certain colleague of hers, and the endocrinologist.

QuoteAnother big win, as your sweetheart may have gathered it's so easy to do once you have done it once.  All she has to remember is to be herself and everything will fall into place.

  :icon_yes:

...and she's much more able to express herself when she's presenting and read as a woman rather than a man.

QuoteThere again lies the yearning to be female inherent in all of us who have that 'medical condition',  In my story,  'Childhood Memories", I had the same longing to be a female or a girl.

Your 'Childhood Memories' is familiar to us. 😌 Thank you for that.

Not so much a yearning to be a girl, because I think that she consistently recognized that she was one, but a yearning for the world to recognize her and other women using different criteria, and to value the contributions of women, including her, instead of exclusively championing male characteristics that she couldn't live up to AND be healthy mentally and physically. I might be wrong.

As I understand it, she clearly hated the body parts that people relied on for classifying her as a boy or girl. Then, in the early years of school, she longed to remove them. Then, as a young adult, she tried to accept and fit into them, though they were exceptionally, disappointingly, and conspicuously not very masculine or helpful. I wonder whether she would want surgery if she was recognized as female at birth. So much of her struggle seems to be against what she learned about boys (and how unsuitable much of that was to her) vs what she learned about girls (and how much of that resonated in her).

But there may be more to it than that. She and I were surprised by her answer when the surgeon asked if she wanted a clitoris. She energetically and certainly said, "YES!" I'd like to know more about what she wants her body parts to be. It's clearly not like buying blue contact lenses because you don't like your brown eyes or want to match your blue blouse. Or like wanting your figure to look like a certain model. The self-expression-as-a-woman part is clear to me, but we can't yet see the profound depth of the significance of the specifics of her future body parts.

During her retirement, bathed in my appreciation 12/7/365 (we need sleep and alone-time, and I get grumpy sometimes), she's finding much more power to be herself instead of forcing herself into a male mold so she could keep her job and social status. Resisting shame seemed to perpetuate feelings and thoughts of shame, which buried her light. She's escaping that shame dungeon>cage>chrysalis now. It's occurring to her that she has nothing to be ashamed of. She is who she is: a magnificent, enjoyable, pleasant woman.

I'm here for her. And she's here for me, supporting me through my life struggles with a steady stream of devotion.

QuoteEach time your sweetheart shows herself, becomes easier and easier for her and eventually one does not worry about whats going on around ones self, because everybody is caught up in their own world.

I've heard a number of women here remark about the moments when they realized that the world wasn't shining a spotlight on their oddity; that people were 99% preoccupied with other concerns.

This morning, she shared that she noticed that in doctors' waiting rooms, men are looking at her, and women are oblivious to her. Maybe men are attracted to her dress -- women around here don't wear dresses to doctors' waiting rooms, especially in winter. Maybe men are more interested in looking around or figuring out a person's gender. A reason could be the heterosexuality of the people in the waiting rooms.

She was prepared to defend herself assertively and confidently at the doctor's office yesterday if any employee questioned who she was, but no one paid any attention to her. I was the patient, and their intense focus was on me. I'm sorry that I "stole" the spotlight because I wanted to hear what she would have said.

QuoteMassive changes and hopefully peace of mind will ensue when you tell your children.

I realized this morning that sharing this with my children doesn't need to include an apology for lying to them. My sweetheart has been committed to being a man, partly for their sake, and she had my support. Now she's committed to sharing her true identity with the world, including them. No apologies needed. I didn't lie to them about who she was; I respected her privacy as long as she needed it.

It was different with my friends. I apologized to them for my concealing a part of me that was so important to me about who I am, and I thanked them for bringing us to the point where we trusted them and felt safe sharing our secret with them. They've been great about sharing our experiences.

QuoteCelebrations and success all around is all I see.  Thank you for sharing your life with us on Susan's it's very much appreciated.
Love and Hugs for you and your sweetheart
Sarah B

Thank you, Sara, for all of your well-wishing, encouragement, positivity,  and inspiration.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:28:02 AM
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on February 16, 2024, 07:00:59 PM@Moonflower
Dear Grace:

Thank you for sharing your positive and uplifting report... what you stated
will help to inspire other members that are reading your Blog thread.

Many HUGS,
Danielle


I'm here to uplift and support. And encourage, inspire, and give hope. We all deserve it. We have much more to share when we are who we are and when we have what we most desperately want.

Many hugs...
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:29:29 AM
Quote from: Faith on February 17, 2024, 05:22:29 AMnothing compares to being able to go out as me and just be.

YES!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Sarah B on February 17, 2024, 09:52:43 AM
Hi Moonflower

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMYou too! Always!

No problem. I welcome all questions. Susan's Place is a great place for sharing.

I understand from the WPATH Standards of Care that just one letter is required, however the surgeon said that insurance companies have added barriers to care, including requiring more letters, letters from specially-credentialed practitioners, and letters that resulted from multiple meetings. We're covered by Traditional Medicare, which we have found to be MUCH more accomodating and respectful of doctors than Medicare Advantage plans and other private insurance plans.

The therapist has a PhD and is a published author of peer-reviewed trans research, so should be a recognizable, respected authority when the local Medicare review board decides whether to approve the claims for services.

The therapist advised us to also get a letter from a certain colleague of hers, and the endocrinologist.

Seems a lot of letters, as compared to WPATH, however it is the surgeon, that needs those letters. I would suggest to get a list of letters that the surgeon needs so the Medicare review board will will be able to sign off on the surgery.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMNot so much a yearning to be a girl, because I think that she consistently recognized that she was one, but a yearning for the world to recognize her and other women using different criteria, and to value the contributions of women, including her, instead of exclusively championing male characteristics that she couldn't live up to AND be healthy mentally and physically. I might be wrong.

Your sweetheart's condition was a lot stronger than when I was a child.  However, my condition grew stronger and stronger as the years went by.  This evening I was thinking about what I had done and I'm sad and happy at the same time.  I don't have to have the world recognize me as a female. I am, just another female in society.  I never wanted to emulate other men whatsoever.  I always wanted to be the female character in books, tv and movies.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMAs I understand it, she clearly hated the body parts that people relied on for classifying her as a boy or girl. Then, in the early years of school, she longed to remove them. Then, as a young adult, she tried to accept and fit into them, though they were exceptionally, disappointingly, and conspicuously not very masculine or helpful. I wonder whether she would want surgery if she was recognized as female at birth. So much of her struggle seems to be against what she learned about boys (and how unsuitable much of that was to her) vs what she learned about girls (and how much of that resonated in her).

I never had that hatred for my body parts, although I wished they were not there, when I thought about it.  I had an inkling, that to prevent others from finding about me, I should act macho and in my own way I did, I hated and could not understand why men treated women the way they did.  I wanted no part of it whatsoever.  I'm like your sweetheart, I was against learning what other boys did and of course learning what girls did resonated with me also.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMBut there may be more to it than that. She and I were surprised by her answer when the surgeon asked if she wanted a clitoris. She energetically and certainly said, "YES!" I'd like to know more about what she wants her body parts to be. It's clearly not like buying blue contact lenses because you don't like your brown eyes or want to match your blue blouse. Or like wanting your figure to look like a certain model. The self-expression-as-a-woman part is clear to me, but we can't yet see the profound depth of the significance of the specifics of her future body parts.

Well your sweetheart is more enthusiastic than I ever was.  In the two or three visits prior to surgery.  I never asked what I was going to get!  Seriously I did not.  I got the basics! Inner and Outer Labia and of course the most important thing a Clitoris!  I understood only one significant factor about my future body part and that I would be able to function like any other female in society

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMDuring her retirement, bathed in my appreciation 12/7/365 (we need sleep and alone-time, and I get grumpy sometimes), she's finding much more power to be herself instead of forcing herself into a male mold so she could keep her job and social status. Resisting shame seemed to perpetuate feelings and thoughts of shame, which buried her light. She's escaping that shame dungeon>cage>chrysalis now. It's occurring to her that she has nothing to be ashamed of. She is who she is: a magnificent, enjoyable, pleasant woman.

Life goes on regardless of what we do.  We change and hopefully for the better.  I never forced myself to do anything that I did not want to do and I never felt ashamed of what I was doing, in fact I was always proud of what I was doing or what I achieved.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMI'm here for her. And she's here for me, supporting me through my life struggles with a steady stream of devotion.

I've heard a number of women here remark about the moments when they realized that the world wasn't shining a spotlight on their oddity; that people were 99% preoccupied with other concerns.

Which is absolutely true, about people being occupied about their own lives. Your devotion to each other is a sight to beholdan.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMThis morning, she shared that she noticed that in doctors' waiting rooms, men are looking at her, and women are oblivious to her. Maybe men are attracted to her dress -- women around here don't wear dresses to doctors' waiting rooms, especially in winter. Maybe men are more interested in looking around or figuring out a person's gender. A reason could be the heterosexuality of the people in the waiting rooms.

When I saw my doctors and psychologists for the first few times I wore skirts, but for some unknown reason later on, I just wore what I wanted and I was never bothered by what they saw.  The waiting rooms when I attended only had one or two people present.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMShe was prepared to defend herself assertively and confidently at the doctor's office yesterday if any employee questioned who she was, but no one paid any attention to her. I was the patient, and their intense focus was on me. I'm sorry that I "stole" the spotlight because I wanted to hear what she would have said.

I would have liked to hear what your sweetheart would have said in that situation.  Your sweetheart was just another female in the waiting room or just another face in the crowd.  She just blends in!

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMI realized this morning that sharing this with my children doesn't need to include an apology for lying to them. My sweetheart has been committed to being a man, partly for their sake, and she had my support. Now she's committed to sharing her true identity with the world, including them. No apologies needed. I didn't lie to them about who she was; I respected her privacy as long as she needed it.

When you tell your children, I hope it goes well and it would be nice to hear how it goes.

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMIt was different with my friends. I apologized to them for my concealing a part of me that was so important to me about who I am, and I thanked them for bringing us to the point where we trusted them and felt safe sharing our secret with them. They've been great about sharing our experiences.

You are so fortunate in being able to tell your friends.  I do not have the strength or the courage to do what you have done.  If you read my current posting in my blog, you know that a friend of the family did know about me and I know she accepts me unconditionally without me asking her.  Funny thing she fixed one of my skirts before I knew she knew!

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 07:22:37 AMThank you, Sara, for all of your well-wishing, encouragement, positivity,  and inspiration.

You may not know it but I'm also learning from you. In addition the post you wrote was phenomenal.  Take care and look after your family, (I know you do).

Love and Hugs always
Sarah B
@Moonflower
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Nadine Spirit on February 17, 2024, 10:37:20 AM
Wow, what a story! Amazingly great developments lately. Thank you for sharing.

What I loved about meeting with my gender specific therapist is that she normalized the transgender experience for me. As in, when I spoke with a standard therapist about changing my hormones, she wanted to discuss my anxiety issues more than my hormonal concerns. When I first began speaking with my current therapist, a gender specialist, and I brought up hormones, she was like yeah that seems like a very reasonable and well thought out decision. And her treating these thoughts as they were perfectly reasonable allowed me to begin to understand that yeah, trans care is normal and reasonable.

Good luck!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 01:05:09 PM
Quote from: Nadine Spirit on February 17, 2024, 10:37:20 AMWhat I loved about meeting with my gender specific therapist is that she normalized the transgender experience for me. As in, when I spoke with a standard therapist about changing my hormones, she wanted to discuss my anxiety issues more than my hormonal concerns. When I first began speaking with my current therapist, a gender specialist, and I brought up hormones, she was like yeah that seems like a very reasonable and well thought out decision. And her treating these thoughts as they were perfectly reasonable allowed me to begin to understand that yeah, trans care is normal and reasonable.

Such a good point! That's what this therapist did, too! She asked useful questions like, what effects did my sweetheart expect from HRT, and how would surgery make a difference. She conversed so comfortably about hormones and surgery, she "normalized" them, supporting our ideas that these are normal, common parts of such a transition. Likewise with the name change.

In contrast, her Planned Parenthood doctor who prescribed HRT years ago and her current cardiologist emphasized the health risks, but the cardiologist weighed the extensive test results and concluded that she would support the judgment of an endocrinologist if they decided that my sweetheart was a good candidate for HRT. The therapist definitely assured us that the endocrinologist whom we'll be meeting soon is thoroughly experienced in monitoring and addressing any health concerns.

We've heard so often that HRT and ID change and surgery are the wrong solutions and extreme reactions to a very strange problem that isn't real. We're glad to be finding a nearby team of people who are normalizing all of this.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 06:22:53 PM
This thread has been in the Significant Others forum, but I'm feeling like it belongs in the Members Blog forum. I started a new thread, which I'm writing deliberately for SOs, and I'm moving this one to Members Blogs. See you there!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 17, 2024, 09:18:34 PM
@Moonflower
Dear Grace:     
            Moved as we had discussed... DONE !!!
Moved       "Opening the cage"
        https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,241591.0.html

from          "Significant Others talk"
 to              "Member Blogs"  


HUGS, Danielle[Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

Quote from: Moonflower on February 17, 2024, 06:22:53 PMThis thread has been in the Significant Others forum, but I'm feeling like it belongs in the Members Blog forum. I started a new thread, which I'm writing deliberately for SOs, and I'm moving this one to Members Blogs. See you there!

Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 17, 2024, 09:43:56 PM
@Moonflower
Dear Grace:
I am happy to see that you have started a new thread in
the "Significant Others talk" sub-forum...
...hopeully this does not mean that you can't keep sharing and updating,
this, your now moved Blog thread "Opening the cage" here in Member Blogs.

I will be eagerly following your "Member" Blog Thread here and also I will
be following your new thread "Welcome Significant Others"
                        https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247396.0.html

HUGS, Danielle
[Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 18, 2024, 08:19:25 AM
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on February 17, 2024, 09:43:56 PMI am happy to see that you have started a new thread in
the "Significant Others talk" sub-forum...
...hopeully this does not mean that you can't keep sharing and updating,
this, your now moved Blog thread "Opening the cage" here in Member Blogs.

I will be eagerly following your "Member" Blog Thread here and also I will
be following your new thread "Welcome Significant Others"
                        https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247396.0.html

HUGS, Danielle
[Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

 :)

No, I'm not casting this thread aside. I appreciate ALL of the history and interaction in it.


HUGS,
Grace
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 18, 2024, 08:31:21 AM
@Sarah B

I've been thinking about trans as a medical condition. I experience it as a sociological condition. When I asked my sweetheart to help me perceive this, she responded in writing,

"That moment when I was four years old

"I've always struggled to put what I felt, in that moment {her first memory of meeting a girl} into words. Let me try again. That girl and I didn't speak to each other; in fact, I only remember giving her a momentary glance as she stood at her mother's side and I stood by mine. The feeling that flooded through me, as I looked at her, was that through her female form she was expressing something essential about my identity... my innermost self... that my male body would never be able to express for me. At that age, looking into my upcoming life seemed liked looking into infinity – it was that hard for me to imagine so vast a stretch of time. Even so, I foresaw that my male body - unlike what hers was doing for her - would never be able to express anything more than a dim shadow of the real me; black and white, not color; low resolution, not high. I knew right then that it would be a joyless existence. That was the bitter pain and deep discouragement I felt in that encounter (and the many, many others, so much like it, that followed.)"

I welcome more perspectives on this.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: tgirlamg on February 18, 2024, 11:26:54 AM
She hit it on the head and knocked it out of the park with that one! 🌻

Onward!

Ashley 😀💕🌻
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 22, 2024, 03:11:48 PM
My sister seems to be dying today. We haven't been close in a long time, so late January I got a call from a family member saying that she saw on Facebook that my sister had been in the hospital for the month with terminal cancer.

Earlier today she said goodbye to her husband in person and to me on the phone. We're all keeping vigil with her.

I've taken this opportunity to help her remember stories every day for her autobiography. I've deliberately refrained from talking about the ones that are most painful for me, and reassured her that her regrets worked out OK.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: tgirlamg on February 22, 2024, 03:48:30 PM
I'm so sorry Moonflower... Loss is part of the ride of life but, it is far from the easiest!... Sending Loving thoughts to you, your sister and your family.

Hugs!

Ashley 💕
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 23, 2024, 12:19:52 PM
My sister died this morning.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Northern Star Girl on February 23, 2024, 02:01:04 PM
@Moonflower
Dear Grace:
I was greatly saddened as I read about your "loss"

                                                     (https://i.imgur.com/Hbek9Xs.jpg)
HUGS, Danielle
              Tight and warm HUGS
                  (https://i.imgur.com/paezNSCt.jpg)
Quote from: Moonflower on February 23, 2024, 12:19:52 PMMy sister died this morning.
Quote from: Moonflower on February 22, 2024, 03:11:48 PMMy sister seems to be dying today. We haven't been close in a long time, so late January I got a call from a family member saying that she saw on Facebook that my sister had been in the hospital for the month with terminal cancer.

Earlier today she said goodbye to her husband in person and to me on the phone. We're all keeping vigil with her.

I've taken this opportunity to help her remember stories every day for her autobiography. I've deliberately refrained from talking about the ones that are most painful for me, and reassured her that her regrets worked out OK.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LoriDee on February 23, 2024, 02:27:49 PM
So sorry to hear this. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
 :(
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: REM.1126 on February 24, 2024, 08:25:53 PM
I am sorry for your loss.  At least you were able to make contact after a long separation.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Sarah B on February 28, 2024, 06:57:04 PM
My Dearest Grace

I sit here at the swimming pool, catching up on your posts, when I read about your sister dying and then the cruellest thing your sister dies.

The tears are pouring down my face as I write this. 

I know what it is like to loose a loved one.

My thoughts, prays and my deepest sympathy are with you on loosing your sister.

Always here for you.
Love and Hugs for you.  Sarah B
 
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: imallie on February 28, 2024, 09:31:53 PM
Hope you are feeling just a little bit better today. There is nothing but time that heals loss.

The fact that you got to reconnect and share stories with her before the end, though, is a blessing.

When time does pass, that will hopefully become a cherished memory.

Love,
Allie
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Sarah B on February 28, 2024, 10:00:52 PM
Hi Allie and Grace

What Allie said, is also what I should have said also.

My thoughts are still with you.

Love and Hugs to both
Sarah B
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Mariah on February 29, 2024, 01:09:25 PM
So sorry for your loss. Hugs
Mariah
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: tgirlamg on February 29, 2024, 01:39:11 PM
I am so sorry Grace!... Lotsa loving thoughts going your direction!!!
🙏💕🌻
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 29, 2024, 05:22:23 PM
Thank you for everyone's care, comfort, and condolences. I appreciate you all.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on February 29, 2024, 05:23:41 PM
I just put a patch on my sweetheart!

It's a Mylan generic VIVELLE-DOT 0.025mg patch. We had to wait a couple days for our usual pharmacy to find that they couldn't get the Mylan brand. Then we called several pharmacies before we found one that had Mylan in stock. Then it took them all day to fill the order, even though I called them for the status several times.

What a surprise that it's teensy! Previously, her patch was around 2X2".

We hope that the Mylan brand will be skin-friendly so she doesn't break out like she did with a previous brand.

Now we wait for results. This is so exciting!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Jessica_Rose on February 29, 2024, 07:20:33 PM
I apologize for being so late with this, but I was saddened to hear that your sister passed away.

I was using the Mylan patches for several years, and they worked great for me. The only thing I grew weary of was the dark ring which would form around them due to the adhesive. After removing the patch, use a cotton swap to apply a liberal amount of baby oil on the old adhesive. After a few minutes, the adhesive will become much easier to remove.

Results may take a while, but eventually you'll begin to notice a change. I wish both of you all the best.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Sarah B on February 29, 2024, 07:22:45 PM
Hi Moonflower

Such good news, progress at last after such a long time.  I'm curious as to why a patch vs taking a pill?  I know your sweetheart had trouble last time and I read that you will see how this one goes.

I suppose the small dose is to ensure the body gets use to it.

Come down from the ceiling Moonflower :D I await with abated breath on what happens next.

I caught up on all your postings did you tell your children and if you did what were their reactions.  If you do not want to say anything about that, then it is all right.

Look after each other and have a nice day.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LoriDee on February 29, 2024, 09:26:09 PM
My experience was not good with the Mylan patch. I was on oral tabs for a while but my hormones were roller coastering all day and night. My doctor prescribed the patch and the VA gave me the 2x2 patch. I'm a gold prospector, so I work in the creek in the summer. It gets wet and sweaty and with all the flexing and bending, they wouldn't stay on. Doc kept upping my dosage and soon I was wearing 3 patches at once. The patches had a thick foam backing, so my clothes would catch on them. I tried Tegaderm, but it was thick too. My doctor talked to our pharmacy and they decided the best way to keep them in place was to use an IV hand dressing. It breathes, is waterproof, and is very thin and flexible. It was better the patches still fell off.

I did a Google search and began reading reviews. That company has a lot of bad reviews. People with the same issues. I took this to my doctor and got the Vivelle Mini-dot. As you described it is the size of a quarter and very easy to wear three or four at a time. But my estradiol levels were still too low. My doctor tried to get a different brand but it appears that Mylan is buying out other companies. Can you spell M-O-N-O-P-O-L-Y? She tried to get a higher dose patch, but could not find any, so put me back on oral. Guess what? Hormonal roller coaster again. Hot flashes, night sweats, and irritability. PMS my old friend.

Now I have a new Gynecologist. I explained the issues I have had. She believes that my liver is strong and metabolizes the oral tabs faster than others. She still needs to up my dosage. She is checking with the pharmacy again to a) find a higher dose patch, or b) have me take the oral tabs more often (3x per day or so). I still don't have answers yet.

In over four years and four doctors prescribing, I still have not come close to the estradiol levels they want to see in my lab results. Not even close. I mention this because many people do well with Mylan or other patches. Some do well with the oral tabs. So take this with a grain of salt. Your mileage may vary.

Hugs

{UPDATE:} My doctor just called. She contacted the Women's Health Pharmacist and the name-brand Vivelle Dot is available. She placed the order, so I will be back to 3 patches/day twice per week. Good bye roller coaster!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on March 02, 2024, 11:47:27 AM
Quote from: Sarah B on February 29, 2024, 07:22:45 PMSuch good news, progress at last after such a long time. 

Yes! She is so happy! I'm so excited!

QuoteI'm curious as to why a patch vs taking a pill?  I know your sweetheart had trouble last time and I read that you will see how this one goes.

I suppose the small dose is to ensure the body gets use to it.

She didn't want to ask why. Doctors whom we highly regard spoke highly of this endocrinologist, so she put all of her faith in the judgment of this doctor.

QuoteI caught up on all your postings did you tell your children

Not yet...

But she is presenting as herself when we're in the car and when we go into the city now.

Yesterday afternoon we went for a walk along our road. We live in a very conservative area. She presented as herself! I was so surprised. I asked her what if... what if... what if... We decided to play it by ear. Not even one car or pedestrian went by. No one was out in their yard. Sigh of relief and disappointment.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on March 02, 2024, 01:06:28 PM
Quote from: LoriDee on February 29, 2024, 09:26:09 PMMy experience was not good with the Mylan patch.

Wow, LoriDee! Sounds like the tabs were too inconsistent, and then you really challenged the patch adhesive! My sweetheart just takes quick showers. No swimming, soaking, or gold prospecting. Maybe that will help it stay stuck and effective. So far, so good.

QuoteIn over four years and four doctors prescribing, I still have not come close to the estradiol levels they want to see in my lab results. Not even close.

I feel so frustrated for you!

QuoteI will be back to 3 patches/day twice per week. Good bye roller coaster!

I hope hope hope it works for you, or at least brings you a step closer to a great solution.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on March 09, 2024, 06:46:21 PM
We're telling my kids!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning my youngest met my sweetheart as a woman. This one of my kids was the easiest to tell because when she was working in a mall shoe store, one day she said that her favorite customers were the women who were over 6 feet tall, had deep voices, and big feet. She said that they were so appreciative of her support, they brought her lovely gifts.

This morning, we were surprised when she said that she thought that my spouse might be androgynous. I was sure that she'd say something like, "Duh! I was wondering when you'd tell us." Or "Yeah, so what's your news?"

Then she asked me if that makes me pansexual. I'll have to look that up so I can answer accurately.

It was a great heart-to-heart conversation of love and appreciation all around.

That wiped us out emotionally but we had to tell her siblings before they heard it through the grapevine. Fortunately my sweetheart was prepared with nearly final drafts of letters for each, which she sent. Now we wait for their responses...
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: tgirlamg on March 09, 2024, 08:55:49 PM
Grace!...

That's some very cool feel good stuff right there!!! There will be a lot more of that stuff in the days, months and years to come! 💕🤗💕

Onward!

Ashley 😀🌻💕

Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LoriDee on March 09, 2024, 09:32:28 PM
Great news!
Very glad things are working out.

Hugs!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on March 10, 2024, 06:48:02 PM
Yes! Response #2 of 3. This one from my oldest child. She was the hardest to tell because although she is gender non-conforming, she has been clear about wanting medical transitioning to be unavailable to all trans people because she considers it an unreasonable decision.

She had the kindness and respect to respond by email, "Congratulations!" and ask how my sweetheart chose her name. I'm so happy that we've crossed this bridge. The cat's out of the bag, where it belongs.

I have a euphoric sense that I was born to be a trans supporter, and to be supported by trans people. It feels like very important work. My sweetheart also feels like she's here to be the one trans person who many of her acquaintances know. She's here as an example of a trans person who is reasonable and respectable, unlike what conservatives claim. She's here to help spread awareness of and consideration for trans living conditions.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: tgirlamg on March 10, 2024, 08:11:10 PM
Hi Grace!

More good news indeed!... As a lifelong caretaker of kitties, I can attest they hate being in bags! 😾

I believe there is great purpose in all our lives that extends far beyond the world we dwell in each day... if you are feeling a sense of purpose in the role of supporter I believe you may be on the right track... When we come upon our purpose I believe it resonates deeply within us...

I hope your daughter comes to see in days to come that there are as many viewpoints in the world as there are individuals and if medical transitioning doesn't seem like a sound decision to her... it may be seen as the only path to a meaningful life to others and they should be allowed to take on that journey if they choose!

All good things to you and your family my friend! Keep us posted on number 3 of 3!!!

Onward!

Ashley 😀🌻💕
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Moonflower on March 11, 2024, 03:54:31 AM
The jury of 3 has entered their unanimous verdict, and I'm delighted by the interaction. I'm delighted by how eloquently and empathetically my sweetheart shared her situation. And I'm delighted by how respectfully my 3 kids responded. As my sweetheart said, sharing this experience brought us together more as a family.

My son's response was the least expected. We know that he is struggling through tough life decisions, and were afraid that he might vent negativity. Instead, he wrote back,

QuoteHi [new name]!

It is so exciting that you are taking such a big step towards doing something that will help to secure your happiness. Especially after so much time hiding from others, it must be a huge relief to be able to act out your true self without judgement. I am so pleased that you wanted to share with me. You have my full support and I wish you health, through and after your transition.

Sincerely grateful,

May his blessing echo back to him.
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: LoriDee on March 11, 2024, 09:19:31 AM
Tears of joy over here for you!
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: tgirlamg on March 11, 2024, 09:57:00 AM
💕💕💕🤗💕💕💕
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Jessica_Rose on March 11, 2024, 01:45:43 PM
Great news all the way around, Moonflower! I hope everything continues to go smoothly for both of you.

Love always -- Jess
Title: Re: Opening the cage
Post by: Sarah B on March 11, 2024, 06:27:33 PM
Hi Moonflower

It's so nice to hear from you and the fantastic, stupendous responses you have received from all of your children.  I'm thrilled to pieces that all 3 of your children, have accepted and supported your sweetheart unconditionally.  Congratulations are definitely in order for you and your family.

From your first child

Quote from: Moonflower on March 09, 2024, 06:46:21 PMWe're telling my kids!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning my youngest met my sweetheart as a woman. This one of my kids was the easiest to tell because when she was working in a mall shoe store, one day she said that her favorite customers were the women who were over 6 feet tall, had deep voices, and big feet. She said that they were so appreciative of her support, they brought her lovely gifts.

Karma at its best and your upbringing of your youngest played a definite part in her kindness.

Quote from: Moonflower on March 09, 2024, 06:46:21 PMThis morning, we were surprised when she said that she thought that my spouse might be androgynous. I was sure that she'd say something like, "Duh! I was wondering when you'd tell us." Or "Yeah, so what's your news?"

It's surprising what comes out of the mouths of ones children, they know more about what's going on than you might think.  I would have liked your youngest to have said, "Yeah, so what's your news?"

Quote from: Moonflower on March 09, 2024, 06:46:21 PMThen she asked me if that makes me pansexual. I'll have to look that up so I can answer accurately.

Yeah I had to look it up as well,  all these new terms, I just think "ugh".

Quote from: Moonflower on March 09, 2024, 06:46:21 PMIt was a great heart-to-heart conversation of love and appreciation all around.

That wiped us out emotionally but we had to tell her siblings before they heard it through the grapevine. Fortunately my sweetheart was prepared with nearly final drafts of letters for each, which she sent. Now we wait for their responses...

I wonder what their responses will be? (I know already)

I know what it means when you are telling your story, it's mentally and emotionally exhausting, because you are the one who is doing all the talking, with a few interruptions for questions along the way.  I have told my story 3 times in the last couple of months to family members.  They were very appreciative of what I told them.

From your second child

Quote from: Moonflower on March 10, 2024, 06:48:02 PMYes! Response #2 of 3. This one from my oldest child. She was the hardest to tell because although she is gender non-conforming, she has been clear about wanting medical transitioning to be unavailable to all trans people because she considers it an unreasonable decision.

Two down one to go!  In this day and age one is taught that they can do anything they want to do, regardless of where they are on the gender spectrum.

"Unreasonable decision", it would be interesting to find out why she thinks this is the case.

Quote from: Moonflower on March 10, 2024, 06:48:02 PMShe had the kindness and respect to respond by email, "Congratulations!" and ask how my sweetheart chose her name. I'm so happy that we've crossed this bridge. The cat's out of the bag, where it belongs.

Again your upbringing of your oldest played a definite part in her kindness and respect.  Did you tell your story how your sweetheart and maybe you came up with her name.  I do not recall seeing anything being mentioned in your posts, in regards to how you came up with your sweethearts name.

Quote from: Moonflower on March 10, 2024, 06:48:02 PMI have a euphoric sense that I was born to be a trans supporter, and to be supported by trans people. It feels like very important work. My sweetheart also feels like she's here to be the one trans person who many of her acquaintances know. She's here as an example of a trans person who is reasonable and respectable, unlike what conservatives claim. She's here to help spread awareness of and consideration for trans living conditions.

When I sit back and think about you and the story of your life growing up in your postings and the story of you, your children and your sweetheart as a family in your postings.  I get the sense not of helping 'trans people' only, an admirable trait, but of helping others.

Like you, I ended up teaching, which resulted in me helping others.  I care for others and hope that they succeed well in their life and this was the way, I could give back, the happiness that I achieved in my life.  My philosophy in life is this in a nut shell, "to pass on my knowledge to others" and this statement is exactly what you are doing and are going to do in the future.

Once again congratulations on your success in telling your children.  Take care and best wishes for the future, from downunder.

Love and Hugs for all the family
Sarah B
@Moonflower