I was lying in bed this morning, procrastinating before getting up to face the day, and I realized: I'm happy now.
Oh, there's still stress, and worries, and frustrations, and I still get emotional flashbacks, but when I'm just sort of being, I feel glad to be alive.
It didn't used to be that way. All my life, I've kept myself busy, and when I didn't have something to do, I felt -- lost, sort of like I had been cast into utter darkness, not even in the same universe with anything human or natural. So I would desperately find something to do to, maybe to convince myself I was alive.
Transition seems to have changed all that. It's been slow -- I guess the inner transition is a lot slower and longer than the external one. But I no longer feel the need to flog myself to keep running, running, running. When I feel like I've "left undone things which we ought to have done," I no longer feel afraid; they just get put onto tomorrow's to-do list.
And sometimes I'm content to just be.
I'm still getting used to it....
That is great to hear. Congratulations!
Quote from: Asche on November 25, 2018, 03:40:38 PM
I was lying in bed this morning, procrastinating before getting up to face the day, and I realized: I'm happy now.
Oh, there's still stress, and worries, and frustrations, and I still get emotional flashbacks, but when I'm just sort of being, I feel glad to be alive.
It didn't used to be that way. All my life, I've kept myself busy, and when I didn't have something to do, I felt -- lost, sort of like I had been cast into utter darkness, not even in the same universe with anything human or natural. So I would desperately find something to do to, maybe to convince myself I was alive.
Transition seems to have changed all that. It's been slow -- I guess the inner transition is a lot slower and longer than the external one. But I no longer feel the need to flog myself to keep running, running, running. When I feel like I've "left undone things which we ought to have done," I no longer feel afraid; they just get put onto tomorrow's to-do list.
And sometimes I'm content to just be.
I'm still getting used to it....
@Asche As you testified, it is certainly a great feeling to finally be able to be yourself. You are happier because you now have the freedom and knowledge to finally be "you" ...
Thank you for your posting and telling us all about your good news revelation.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
*claps hands*
Oh so happy for you hon. So happy.
Rowan