Hi everyone. I've seen so many threads with a description of bullying that I came to realize a huge number of trans people were bullied in school, not just me. This isn't meant to be triggering it's meant to be therapeutic. It helps to talk about it with people who can relate. At least for me it does. So share your bullying experiences. And this is for the guys too. FtM people get bullied too, not just MtFs.
I was just too good of a target. Albino and a huge sissy on top of that was too good for other kids to pass up. I was lucky enough that I didn't actually get beat up. I'm pretty sure that was because of my brother. He had made it clear that he would beat the crap out of anyone who hit me and because he had done it a couple of times he had a reputation of someone not to be messed with. But of course there are endless ways to bully someone without beating them up.
I got tripped, my books knocked out of my arms, my food spit on and of course the endless name calling and being laughed at all the time. This one >-bleeped-<ed guy loved to stomp on ketchup packets so I would get sprayed with ketchup. You would think someone would have intervened but teachers didn't like me much more than the other kids.The worst 2 incidents were having blue food coloring thrown in my face. It ruined my clothes and totally stained my skin and hair. It took forever to wear off of my face and it permanently stained my hair. But I just adopted blue streaks as part of my style. It matched my nails at least. The >-bleeped-< who did it told me I had needed some color in my face. The second was when some boys sprayed liquid plastic all over my hair which dried very hard. I had shoulder length hair at the time. The only way my dad could get it out was to cut it out along with my hair which made such a mess of my hair all he could do was buzz the rest to match.
And I found it infuriating that guys would call me fagot,homo,fudge packer, etc,etc but then they would turn around and tease me sexually. Blow me kisses, smack my ass, etc. The other guys found it hilarious when someone would do that stuff to me. But I was the "fagot" . I did get an apology from one bully. I ran into him in public and he apologized for the stuff he had done to me. His explanation was that I "confused" him and a lot of the other guys. I accepted his apology and told him I forgave him. But saying I had confused him is a piss poor excuse for bullying me.
I was also sexually assaulted by a guy at school who was helped by some other guys. I elaborated on that in the Me Too thread. He forced me to suck his dick but I was the fag of course. The only good thing I can say about high school is that it ended!
Oh my.
I am so sorry all that bad stuff happened to you during your high school years. That is awful.
There is no excuse for that, and the assault was criminal. It is nice that you had your brother being there for support.
Girls can be mean as well as guys too. Guys perhaps are more outward, especially physically, or at least, that is what I have seen from back in my school days. But anyone can be hurtful at any age. When you are different or look different or even are similar but not in an "in group", ridicule and otherwise being the object of unkindness does occur and it can be hurtful.
Think of happy moments.
Don't leave out parents. My most abusive person is a paternal entity who I refuse to call a father.
He slapped me around for trivial offences and generally terrorized me. This was not discipline. It was abusive beatings. At age 14, I was in foster care and happy to be away from the creep.
Quote from: Dani on January 20, 2018, 11:49:33 AM
Don't leave out parents. My most abusive person is a paternal entity who I refuse to call a father.
He slapped me around for trivial offences and generally terrorized me. This was not discipline. It was abusive beatings. At age 14, I was in foster care and happy to be away from the creep.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Thankfully I have a very loving father. My mom not so much but I was never physically abused by her. Not until recently anyway.
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 20, 2018, 11:41:21 AM
Oh my.
I am so sorry all that bad stuff happened to you during your high school years. That is awful.
There is no excuse for that, and the assault was criminal. It is nice that you had your brother being there for support.
Girls can be mean as well as guys too. Guys perhaps are more outward, especially physically, or at least, that is what I have seen from back in my school days. But anyone can be hurtful at any age. When you are different or look different or even are similar but not in an "in group", ridicule and otherwise being the object of unkindness does occur and it can be hurtful.
Think of happy moments.
Oh I know they can be. Once in class the girl behind me was touching my hair and when I turned around she said she liked my hair and asked if she could brush it. So like a dummy I said yes. Whenever the teacher wasn't looking I would feel her brush my hair. It wasnt until class was over that I realized she had coated the back of my hair with mascara. It took forever to wash it out! I don't know why, maybe because it's so white, but people always wanted to mess with my hair. I had people put all kinds of stuff in my hair. Ketchup, colored marker, etc.
The "worst" experiences, for me, came from people who claimed to be my friends.
I had some stuff from people who weren't. Although it was girls who were the worst, for some reason. Most of the guys in my class at school never really bothered with me, as a rule, I kind of flew under the radar, although there were these two girls in my class who kept doing trivial stuff, pushing me around and whatnot... I guess because I didn't fight back. I just smiled and pretended to brush it off. But they seemed to enjoy psychological abuse and the occasional physical outburst. I guess it made them feel special or something.
No, the worst came from people who claimed to be my friends. I never had much physical bullying, although there was one guy who... well... he peed on my head from a tree he decided to climb one day. That makes me shudder to even think about. I think I went through probably two bottles of shampoo and a bottle of shower gel trying to get rid of the smell, and thought of it, lol.
But I think the worst came from the small group of people who, at the time, I considered my best friends. Particularly two guys. One I went on holiday with him and his family, and the other I used to go to his house pretty much every weekend. We were... well, I thought we were close. Then the start of one school year, for no apparent reason, they both decided, along with another guy, to make my life a misery. Not with physical actions, but psychological. Words can hurt as much as any physical violence. Especially when they're leveled at your whole family as well as yourself. Constantly, and with venom. But it wasn't what they said that bothered me so much as the fact that they said it. I thought they were my friends and I don't think I've ever felt more alone than at that time. I think that, like you, Julia, I was an easy target. I didn't do the whole bravado thing. I was always a somewhat sensitive, quiet kid. And people seem to like to pick on those because they think they can.
They say that you're supposed to tell the teachers and get it dealt with, and unfortunately it reached a point where I started skipping school... and then it got out to my mum, who got in touch with the school... but it backfired spectacularly. Rather than them being punished for anything, I was put in isolation "for my own good", even though I never understood what I did wrong. And spent the rest of that year alone, at the back of a classroom, having my work brought to me.
If I'm honest, it has led to a lot of the trust issues I have, even now. I find it hard to make friends, because I find it hard to trust people. And letting people get close to me... it's something I struggle with. Stuff like that can have long lasting implications.
But... something interesting happened a few years ago. This guy who did the whole peeing from a tree thing... I happened to be listening to a radio phone in, and he called the show. I knew instantly it was him. He talked about how his life is a misery, and how he's made to feel like an outcast by almost everyone. How he turned to drugs and whatever else to try and cope with it. See this guy was big. Like... very big. While we were all 5 foot nothing kids, he was this six-five monster. I think that's why he enjoyed bullying people. But something that he felt was a blessing at a young age became a curse later on in life. And I think he was struggling with stuff himself.
At first I thought "you reap what you sow", and it was hard for me to feel sorry for him, but the more I listened to him, the more I did feel sorry for him. He spoke about how he was bullied a lot when he was a kid, because of his height, and weight... obviously not physically, but mentally. And I realised that everyone is as fragile as everyone else, and some people just take the stuff they're dealing with out on those around them. I felt sad for him, that his life had amounted to essentially nothing. Because as a kid he felt powerful over others but that didn't translate into adulthood. And that he was subject to the same things he himself was subjecting others to. The old saying "two wrongs don't make a right" was never more apt. But sadly that's something a lot of people who bully others don't seem to realise.
I try to take that into everyday life with me now, and try to understand people, and why they do what they do. Bullying leaves scars, there is no doubt about it. I am so, so sorry that happened to you, Julia, and to everyone else who has/had to put up with it. It's something that, ideally, shouldn't happen. No matter what stage one is in their lives.
Quote from: Sephirah on January 20, 2018, 12:10:41 PM
The "worst" experiences, for me, came from people who claimed to be my friends.
I had some stuff from people who weren't. Although it was girls who were the worst, for some reason. Most of the guys in my class at school never really bothered with me, as a rule, I kind of flew under the radar, although there were these two girls in my class who kept doing trivial stuff, pushing me around and whatnot... I guess because I didn't fight back. I just smiled and pretended to brush it off. But they seemed to enjoy psychological abuse and the occasional physical outburst. I guess it made them feel special or something.
No, the worst came from people who claimed to be my friends. I never had much physical bullying, although there was one guy who... well... he peed on my head from a tree he decided to climb one day. That makes me shudder to even think about. I think I went through probably two bottles of shampoo and a bottle of shower gel trying to get rid of the smell, and thought of it, lol.
But I think the worst came from the small group of people who, at the time, I considered my best friends. Particularly two guys. One I went on holiday with him and his family, and the other I used to go to his house pretty much every weekend. We were... well, I thought we were close. Then the start of one school year, for no apparent reason, they both decided, along with another guy, to make my life a misery. Not with physical actions, but psychological. Words can hurt as much as any physical violence. Especially when they're leveled at your whole family as well as yourself. Constantly, and with venom. But it wasn't what they said that bothered me so much as the fact that they said it. I thought they were my friends and I don't think I've ever felt more alone than at that time. I think that, like you, Julia, I was an easy target. I didn't do the whole bravado thing. I was always a somewhat sensitive, quiet kid. And people seem to like to pick on those because they think they can.
They say that you're supposed to tell the teachers and get it dealt with, and unfortunately it reached a point where I started skipping school... and then it got out to my mum, who got in touch with the school... but it backfired spectacularly. Rather than them being punished for anything, I was put in isolation "for my own good", even though I never understood what I did wrong. And spent the rest of that year alone, at the back of a classroom, having my work brought to me.
If I'm honest, it has led to a lot of the trust issues I have, even now. I find it hard to make friends, because I find it hard to trust people. And letting people get close to me... it's something I struggle with. Stuff like that can have long lasting implications.
But... something interesting happened a few years ago. This guy who did the whole peeing from a tree thing... I happened to be listening to a radio phone in, and he called the show. I knew instantly it was him. He talked about how his life is a misery, and how he's made to feel like an outcast by almost everyone. How he turned to drugs and whatever else to try and cope with it. See this guy was big. Like... very big. While we were all 5 foot nothing kids, he was this six-five monster. I think that's why he enjoyed bullying people. But something that he felt was a blessing at a young age became a curse later on in life. And I think he was struggling with stuff himself.
At first I thought "you reap what you sow", and it was hard for me to feel sorry for him, but the more I listened to him, the more I did feel sorry for him. He spoke about how he was bullied a lot when he was a kid, because of his height, and weight... obviously not physically, but mentally. And I realised that everyone is as fragile as everyone else, and some people just take the stuff they're dealing with out on those around them. I felt sad for him, that his life had amounted to essentially nothing. Because as a kid he felt powerful over others but that didn't translate into adulthood. And that he was subject to the same things he himself was subjecting others to. The old saying "two wrongs don't make a right" was never more apt. But sadly that's something a lot of people who bully others don't seem to realise.
I try to take that into everyday life with me now, and try to understand people, and why they do what they do. Bullying leaves scars, there is no doubt about it. I am so, so sorry that happened to you, Julia, and to everyone else who has/had to put up with it. It's something that, ideally, shouldn't happen. No matter what stage one is in their lives.
I'm very sorry for what you went through too. This stuff does have a lasting effect. Since I was excused from gym class there was a question of what to do with me during that period. They didn't want me just wondering the halls. A very well meaning guidance counselor decided I could spend that period in a room over the library that was used for storage. She figured I could just sit up there and read, play on my phone or whatever. Most people didn't even know the room was there which unfortunately made it ideal for that guy to sexually assault me.
Mine was just a lot of little things, usually just people saying things. One guy punched me in the hallway. He was too big to fight, not that I would anyway. I learned how to "hide" a lot. I spent lunches in the library my last year of high school. I didn't have any friends. After I tried to "man up", the harassment stopped for the most part. But, once in awhile, I guess some guy could "see thru" it and look at me with that "knowing" look. Sometimes they'd say something, sometimes not.
physical assaults for being seen as a homosexual, effeminate male in school. Pushing, a few times I was kicked (I have a permanent indent in my right shin from one, but that kid got a horrible scratch that most likely will have scarred so I dont care)
mostly name calling, rumour mills and other stupid >-bleeped-<.
I dont have time to worry about the opinions of other people who will die.
When I was a sophomore in highschool someone came out of the art room as I passed by (it was time to change classes) and cut my ponytail off, after that it was years before I grew my hair out again. Never found out who it was that did it.
I had four older brothers two of them were very physically and verbally abusive. I have had my nose broken 3 times one time it required 12 stitches , my arm broken in two places, punched and kicked too many times to remember.
I was stabbed by one them in my right butt cheek , my mother was an emergency room nurse and she sewed it up while I laid on the kitchen counter. I know now she did that to protect him by not having to explain how I got a stab wound. I was told not to tell anyone and now she denies it happened I have a scar on my ass that says otherwise.
When my brothers did stuff to me they threatened me not to tell our mom, I stopped telling her when I realized my mom would do little about it and cared more about what other people thought about her than what was happening to me.
One them stopped being abusive after he became paraplegic, sadly I think that's the only reason he stopped. I also think he would be in jail if that did not happen to him as well.
When I talked to a therapist about these things he said he thought my one brothers was a psychopath and started reading me the description from the DSM manual it pretty much described him to a tee.
I don't think I was ragged on for not looking like a girl but I was "different" and they knew it.
I wouldn't say I got it bad, and the worst case of school bullying I had was kind of my own fault. I was sitting on a wall near my house one day and a girl and a boy walked past and sneered at me. So I yelled a colorful expletive at the dominant one. From that day on they decided to try to "hunt me down" both in school and out of it; as luck would have it, this girl turned out to be the school "hard case". Lol.
It was my fault for escalating I guess, but also for not beating the crap out of them when they turned up at my house with sticks, or tried to steal my bike off me, or tried to kick me in the pool, or threw rocks and tailed me everywhere, turned my friends against me, blah blah blah. I should have finished the job if I was going to act like a hard knock myself.
Sure, they were in a gang and I was by myself but who cares. If you don't stand up for yourself you relive that crap over and over internally for the rest of your life. It's one of the reasons I can be inexplicably nasty when someone rubs me the wrong way - because of that unresolved nonsense. Anyway, they made my life as annoying as they could whenever they could for about 2 years.
I don't think I experienced any bullying after high school. Isolated incidents of people acting like jackasses perhaps but not because they had it in for me, just because I knew or encountered weirdos I suppose. In fact the most annoying incidents I've had since were because people were attracted to me and were mentalists about it, but I don't see those as bullying, just idiocy.
Quote from: Stevie on January 20, 2018, 03:38:15 PM
I had four older brothers two of them were very physically and verbally abusive. I have had my nose broken 3 times one time it required 12 stitches , my arm broken in two places, punched and kicked too many times to remember.
I was stabbed by one them in my right butt cheek , my mother was an emergency room nurse and she sewed it up while I laid on the kitchen counter. I know now she did that to protect him by not having to explain how I got a stab wound. I was told not to tell anyone and now she denies it happened I have a scar on my ass that says otherwise.
When my brothers did stuff to me they threatened me not to tell our mom, I stopped telling her when I realized my mom would do little about it and cared more about what other people thought about her than what was happening to me.
One them stopped being abusive after he became paraplegic, sadly I think that's the only reason he stopped. I also think he would be in jail if that did not happen to him as well.
When I talked to a therapist about these things he said he thought my one brothers was a psychopath and started reading me the description from the DSM manual it pretty much described him to a tee.
That's horrible! I'm so sorry you went through that. I can't even imagine your own brother doing things like that to someone. It's horrifying.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 20, 2018, 04:09:13 PM
That's horrible! I'm so sorry you went through that. I can't even imagine your own brother doing things like that to someone. It's horrifying.
I was bullied a little growing up but not so much in high school.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 20, 2018, 04:09:13 PM
That's horrible! I'm so sorry you went through that. I can't even imagine your own brother doing things like that to someone. It's horrifying.
Thanks Julia. When this was happening I had no frame of reference as to how a brother or a family is supposed to be. I also thought it was my fault somehow.
Im not going to speak much about my experiences with being bullied as i fear it could out me, maybe?
I did have a hard time at high school, didnt really make any friends, i found it hard to trust people who were trying to be friends with me, i thought are they just trying to get to me so they can bully me more?
But ill just put my thoughts on this, usually my worst experiences with bullying or either that of being misgendered, or those closest to you just constantly making you feel like crap, i have been cyber bullied by those who i thought were my friends, i have been made to feel like crap by my own family even and its not even trans related, excluding my mother but they are a bunch of Narcissists and i kinda hate them sometimes... most of the time? its hard having people like this in your live just constantly being....... them..... OMG, i often think my life would be/would have been 100% better w/o them in my life... your own family? *sigh*
Some A Hole off the street who looks at you funny or misgenders you, or like his trying to figure it out and just laughs? that really doesnt bother me why the frak should i care about him and his opinion (im feeling strong now mentally but sometimes it does get to me)
At School i always tried to hide myself so i wouldnt be bullied, even when it came to living with Narcissistic family again i tried to hide myself from that, now im just hiding myself and thats not even trans related well it is and it isnt, honestly sometimes i think feeling invisible is worse than actually being bullied
The easy/concrete answer is that I got (harmlessly) punched in the stomach by a pipsqueak in the airport, who then circled around me, laughing, and yelling "Good luck with the operation." In other words, I got off easy. I blogged about it here when the incident was still fresh in mind:
http://www.renaemadisongage.com/2017/04/dunsinane-within-the-castle/ (http://www.renaemadisongage.com/2017/04/dunsinane-within-the-castle/)
The more nuanced answer is that I am continuously bullied from nearly every direction:
I am bullied by the anesthetist who used to misgender me on purpose, but who, since I offered to file a formal HR complaint, has taken to greeting me with "DOCTOR!!" every time we meet, voiced as if the word were a monstrously clever insult. I am bullied by other co-workers, who don't think I know that they started a betting pool about when I was going to get THE OPERATION when I started to dress more feminine at work. I am bullied by my insurance company, which denies me procedures which are fully paid for others. I am bullied by my sibling, who still thinks it's way too much to expect him to address me by my legal name, years after the fact. I have been bullied by shop clerks who either told me I couldn't use the dressing room or who yelled the same idea to their manager, complete with masculine pronoun, across a crowded store. I am bullied by my President, who wastes no opportunity to diminish my legal rights or to encourage others to do so, not because he even gives a rat's derriere, but because it "energizes his base".
The bullying is all day, every day, if you look for it. So I don't, at least not anymore. True the various abuses are still logged in my brain so that I might list them, but I ignore them whenever I am able. I respond the best I can in the moment, adjust my future expectations concerning the person in question, and move on if I can. I celebrate when bullies get theirs (don't tell me I need to forgive for my own sake--this is another convenient lie fabricated by priests and other abusers). I practice taking and giving compliments graciously. I don't dwell, but I keep my guard up for the next time and I cultivate situational awareness. I take care of myself, and those around me.
Quote from: rmaddy on January 20, 2018, 06:46:12 PM
The easy/concrete answer is that I got (harmlessly) punched in the stomach by a pipsqueak in the airport, who then circled around me, laughing, and yelling "Good luck with the operation." In other words, I got off easy. I blogged about it here when the incident was still fresh in mind:
http://www.renaemadisongage.com/2017/04/dunsinane-within-the-castle/ (http://www.renaemadisongage.com/2017/04/dunsinane-within-the-castle/)
The more nuanced answer is that I am continuously bullied from nearly every direction:
I am nuanced by the anesthetist who used to misgender me on purpose, but who, since I offered to file a formal HR complaint, has taken to greeting me with "DOCTOR!!" every time we meet, voiced as if the word were a monstrously clever insult. I am bullied by other co-workers, who don't think I know that they started a betting pool about when I was going to get THE OPERATION when I started to dress more feminine at work. I am bullied by my insurance company, which denies me procedures which are fully paid for others. I am bullied by my sibling, who still thinks it's way too much to expect him to address me by my legal name, years after the fact. I have been bullied by shop clerks who either told me I couldn't use the dressing room or who yelled the same idea to their manager, complete with masculine pronoun, across a crowded store. I am bullied by my President, who wastes no opportunity to diminish my legal rights or to encourage others to do so, not because he even gives a rat's derriere, but because it "energizes his base".
The bullying is all day, every day, if you look for it. So I don't, at least not anymore. True the various abuses are still logged in my brain so that I might list them, but I ignore them whenever I am able. I respond the best I can in the moment, adjust my future expectations concerning the person in question, and move on if I can. I celebrate when bullies get theirs (don't tell me I need to forgive for my own sake--this is another convenient lie fabricated by priests and other abusers). I practice taking and giving compliments graciously. I don't dwell, but I keep my guard up for the next time and I cultivate situational awareness. I take care of myself, and those around me.
I'm sorry you have to go through that. It's horrible. Some people just suck!
I've had the beatings, swirlies, and being stuffed into lockers and trash cans. Being the smallest kid in my grade made me an easy target. However, none of that holds a candle to what my adoptive mother did. She stopped beating me with belts when they broke, them moved on to chain style dog leashes until they broke. When she cut my ear while trying to slash my throat, I went to a neighbor for help. The beatings stopped when I got to foster care.
I got the usual tripping, getting stuffed into lockers or trash cans. For some reason the black people at my school rescued me many times from this type of abuse. There was one guy that would constantly ask me how I ate semen, in cupcakes, with a straw, all the time. I would be listening to a lecture, and hear this whisper. He made my life miserable. Up till that time I hadn't given any oral either. I wanted to, but with all this teasing, I repressed it.
I moved around a lot as a kid. I would usually get bullied when I would start a new school, for a while. I was... er, scrappy is probably the least butch way of putting it. I would let verbal stuff just kinda slide off my back, but if people got physical I would fight back.
And I was a dirty fighter. I would bite, low blow, tackle, break glasses. Anything to end the fight quickly. I don't think I was particularly good as a playground fighter, and I think of some of these people probably could have hurt me if they wanted. But they always seemed to decide that I was too much trouble to deal with. And it only ever took one fight to stop the physical bullying.
By high school this all kinda died down. I managed the trick of becoming part of the background, and high schoolers are less physical bullies than middle schoolers.
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Compared to many of the stories I hear I don't know whether I really have anything that significant to tell. I was just mostly shunned, sneered at, sometimes ridiculed and usually left alone. I often didn't even understand some of the epithets people used for me.
The place I attended the longest was a missionary school so it was mostly safe in the physical sense. There was just one pair of boys that really seemed to hate me enough to single me out. One of them was huge and often threatened me. As it got worse I eventually told him if he really did want to fight me I knew I'd lose but I would oblige. Although he didn't stop, he did tone down a little after that.
It seemed that unexpected reactions also helped. When another boy stuck a fist at my face and asked what I though would happen if he bashed me over the head with it, I said his fist might hurt. After that he seemed to lose some of his animosity and would just call me "Fist Hurt."
Oh, that's right—although this incident happened at home and probably wasn't really as bad as it may sound in telling, I'll mention it because the situation now seems a bit funny. I had several sisters and the boys from their classes often played at our house. One Saturday they wanted to play some game that needed a lot of people, so they barged into my room while I was asleep. When I pretended to not awake because I didn't want to go, being the geniuses they were they decided to drag me out anyway and started to strip me in the living room—and that's when my mother walked in. Her reaction was much more than stern. I don't think I'd ever seen her that angry, and I believe we didn't have any visitors for some time after.
Anyway, after I got so disgusted by the hypocrisy at the school that I quit, I began to feel curious why exactly some people there had found me so disgusting. One member of the bully pair lived nearby, so I decided to go ask him. He was quite surprised when his mother showed me to his room that late evening. Once we were alone I asked why he hated me so. He was quiet for a long time, and then finally, after some minutes of silence quietly said "Because I was stupid. I'm sorry." His words made me feel like a castle of ice inside me melted.
After we talked a bit more, he asked me if I'd like a gin fizz, and took me on his motorcycle to a seven eleven to buy a can for each of us. Some time later, after we'd returned to his room and got comfortable his father opened the door and busted us—but all of that is another story. That visit changed everything, and I now remember him as one of my treasures.
I was a punchbag for every bully til I was 13. A tall skinny timid kid. That summer I learned fighting back from a friend's brother who was soldier. He taught me the art of dirty fighting, how to put my weight behind a punch, make myself less of a target etc. Soon i was winning fights, I didn't care about winning or losing, the pain of an ass kicking took the edge off dysphoria. On my 15th birthday I broke my class bully's nose in a rugby game, he waited for me with 2 of his goons, I fought back but was knocked out with a cricket bat & kicked in the body while on the floor so bruises wouldn't show. The games teacher found me, I wasn't a rat & told him I would sort it my self. Over the next few weeks I caught them alone & kicked the crap out of them. One of them would cross himself & move out of my way if he ever saw me approaching him. One of them's in jail for a very long time for sex crime, other bullies are dead from drug & alcohol abuse or tramps living rough, the rest I don't care enough to find out about.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 20, 2018, 11:27:27 AM
Hi everyone. I've seen so many threads with a description of bullying that I came to realize a huge number of trans people were bullied in school, not just me. This isn't meant to be triggering it's meant to be therapeutic. It helps to talk about it with people who can relate. At least for me it does. So share your bullying experiences. And this is for the guys too. FtM people get bullied too, not just MtFs.
I was just too good of a target. Albino and a huge sissy on top of that was too good for other kids to pass up. I was lucky enough that I didn't actually get beat up. I'm pretty sure that was because of my brother. He had made it clear that he would beat the crap out of anyone who hit me and because he had done it a couple of times he had a reputation of someone not to be messed with. But of course there are endless ways to bully someone without beating them up.
I got tripped, my books knocked out of my arms, my food spit on and of course the endless name calling and being laughed at all the time. This one >-bleeped-<ed guy loved to stomp on ketchup packets so I would get sprayed with ketchup. You would think someone would have intervened but teachers didn't like me much more than the other kids.The worst 2 incidents were having blue food coloring thrown in my face. It ruined my clothes and totally stained my skin and hair. It took forever to wear off of my face and it permanently stained my hair. But I just adopted blue streaks as part of my style. It matched my nails at least. The >-bleeped-< who did it told me I had needed some color in my face. The second was when some boys sprayed liquid plastic all over my hair which dried very hard. I had shoulder length hair at the time. The only way my dad could get it out was to cut it out along with my hair which made such a mess of my hair all he could do was buzz the rest to match.
And I found it infuriating that guys would call me fagot,homo,fudge packer, etc,etc but then they would turn around and tease me sexually. Blow me kisses, smack my ass, etc. The other guys found it hilarious when someone would do that stuff to me. But I was the "fagot" . I did get an apology from one bully. I ran into him in public and he apologized for the stuff he had done to me. His explanation was that I "confused" him and a lot of the other guys. I accepted his apology and told him I forgave him. But saying I had confused him is a piss poor excuse for bullying me.
I was also sexually assaulted by a guy at school who was helped by some other guys. I elaborated on that in the Me Too thread. He forced me to suck his dick but I was the fag of course. The only good thing I can say about high school is that it ended!
I'm so sorry that all of that happened to you, especially the last part. Obviously, nobody needs to teach you what it means to be bullied or raped.
In my case, I did get beaten up a lot, especially in high school, although I got my first chipped tooth in primary school. All of my front teeth are still chipped. My glasses got broken so often that my parents got me a specially reinforced pair on one occasion. The lenses really were made of glass in those days, so I'm lucky that I wasn't blinded. I never met a bully who "wouldn't punch someone with glasses" in spite of what was sometimes said in TV programmes.
Even so, I'm not sure that it was worse than what happened to you, even excluding the oral rape. Verbal insults are painful even in the short term but years of abuse and humiliation can be debilitating, especially if few people, not even the teachers, seem to be on your side. It may sometimes have made you feel as worthless as the bullies, and those that laughed at their "jokes", tried to make you feel. I am sure that for some victims, the feeling could last for a lifetime.
I agree that many teachers can be unsympathetic. Their attitude is often that the victim should behave differently to avoid being bullied or should stop "telling tales" or should "learn to stand up for themselves". Grown-ups don't have to stand up for themselves. If they are insulted in person, they can sue for crimen injuria and if they are assaulted, the attacker can be imprisoned. Much more vulnerable children, though, have to stand up for themselves.
Teachers can also be bullies. I remember that my P.E. teacher and last vice principal were cronies and drinking buddies. The former, a bodybuilder, grabbed boys, including me, and shook them hard. I certainly didn't feel well afterwards. I remember the police interviewing him after someone's parents complained. The latter used the cane freely, including on me. Usually, I got four strokes during a caning. Like another teacher, he used my handwriting as an excuse but was not as persistently vindictive. I couldn't avoid him as he was also my history teacher in my final years. He was also a martial arts expert but I was present when he challenged a boy to a fist fight. How inappropriate is that?
The worst was a female teacher. She was trained to teach English but covered as a biology teacher. She really didn't like me. Every day for weeks, she sent me to the then vice principal, to be caned. His office was behind the class where he taught science, so I had the added embarrassment of telling him in front of his class that I had come to be caned. Most were silent but some s
>-bleeped-<ed. He was actually a very nice man and I especially resent the biology teacher for making him do her dirty work. I think that my body must have been becoming as shaky as my handwriting because eventually, he went to her and told her in front of me and the class that he wouldn't cane me any more.
I had another experience of the biology teacher, which may be a bit off subject but is an example of how a bully can sometimes show his or her true calibre. She had to demonstrate a fatty acid test. It involved ether, of which the school had a large, heavy jar. We had to move the desks to the back of the class and the chairs closer to the teacher's desk, for a better view. A girl stood holding the open jar of ether, in both arms, next to the desk. For reasons unknown, the teacher ignited the Bunsen burner!
Although a few feet from the burner, the jar suddenly ignited and the girl, understandably frightened, dropped the jar and ran out of the room. I think that she was unhurt or had very minor burns. The teacher, too, ran away and abandoned us to the flames! I was not in the front row and did not immediately recognise the seriousness of the situation. I think that I was actually about to laugh when I was trampled by classmates who had been closer to the action. Before I got to my feet, my hands were burned and my trousers were on fire. I was the last out of the room. The vice principal (the nice one) had come running out of his nearby office. He put out the flames on my trousers with his own jacket, as I recall. He then grabbed an extinguisher and put out the fire in the classroom. There was surprisingly little damage because, I gather, ether is volatile but burns out quickly if it does not ignite another material. The biology teacher said that she didn't know that ether was inflammable ("flammable" started to be used only after manufacturers realised that some people thought that "inflammable" meant "non-flammable".)
Three pupils, including me, went to the hospital for treatment. The doctors said that I was the worst burned but another girl, who also had second degree burns, took the rest of the year off and did her exams from home. I think that her parents took legal action and claimed compensation. My mother didn't like me behaving like a sissy, so I had to walk around to prevent the skin from becoming inflexible. Her method must have worked, though, because to everyone's surprise, I was back at school within a week or so. The biology teacher wangled the job of recording how badly we were injured. My palms and the whole of my calves were burned but she wrote that just my ankles had been burned. She did give me a Parker pen with my name inscribed, though. In my case, she need not have worried, as my family was not litigious and did not sue.
There must have been an inquiry after an accident like that. A couple of months after the incident, the school announced that the biology teacher had left to get married. I like to think that it was a cover for her dismissal.
In spite of my burns, I am in retrospect glad of the incident, as although it is said that all bullies are cowards, it isn't every day that everyone gets to see their true colours.
I was bullied as a kid, particularly in high school. I wasn't much of a sissy, but I wasn't one of the jocks either. I wasn't bookish or brainy to be one of the nerds nor cool enough to be popular. I did have a few people who wanted to know if I was gay, which I'm not, but maybe I was giving off more of a feminine vibe than I realized. I didn't even know I was trans then. But I was bullied on a daily basis throughout high school and never knew what I did to deserve it. I'm 37 now, so that was a long time ago and I've made peace with the past. Still, I wonder what I did to make myself such a target.
Quote from: zirconia on January 20, 2018, 10:53:24 PM
Anyway, after I got so disgusted by the hypocrisy at the school that I quit, I began to feel curious why exactly some people there had found me so disgusting. One member of the bully pair lived nearby, so I decided to go ask him. He was quite surprised when his mother showed me to his room that late evening. Once we were alone I asked why he hated me so. He was quiet for a long time, and then finally, after some minutes of silence quietly said "Because I was stupid. I'm sorry." His words made me feel like a castle of ice inside me melted.
After we talked a bit more, he asked me if I'd like a gin fizz, and took me on his motorcycle to a seven eleven to buy a can for each of us. Some time later, after we'd returned to his room and got comfortable his father opened the door and busted us—but all of that is another story. That visit changed everything, and I now remember him as one of my treasures.
What happened? Do you still know each other?
Sorry if I'm being nosy it's just that it seemed really sweet that you and your bully ended up getting along!
X Maria
this thread.....so much I could put here, I can have just this one post create a page three if I wanted to relive every beating, harassment, sexual harassment and abusive gesture, every rape attempt, every fight, every assult, battery, basically, at 17 I have had to go through every single legal and illegal form of abuse or violent act against me there is.
but one of the ones that I can relive(mostly cause I chose to find humor in it) ill put here, even though it includes me getting jumped by armed highschoolers about 4 months ago. it was just a simple thing you would think, go off campus and get lunch from a nearby Mexican resturaunt(it was my usual lunch spot) and I was walking alone(stupid 100 lb 5'8 transgirl apparently) to get lunch when these >-bleeped-<s actually puuled off the road and drew pocketknives on me(my school did allow me to carry a weapon because this wasn't the first time and I had had cuts from earlier incidents) so I drew my own knife from my bag(also got training on hand to hand combat before coming out, definite fighter) and proceded to disarm and knock out or otherwise incapacitate these individuals, of course, attacks on transgender people in my area are ignored and not publicized because its the most bigoted place in all of California( I live in the central valley and it sucks) but I just thought that since this was somewhere to discuss bullying and the like, id share that the bullying can end up as a good thing, like in my case incidents like that caused the people to be afraid to face me even by jumping.
Love,
Lilly Garcia
ps: never fear to keep those who aim to hurt you from failing, because nobody has the right to bully, harrass, abouse, neglect, insult, degrade, or otherwise attempt to inflict harm on another human being no matter the reason.
this happened all after i came out, and none of the attemts succeeded.
stay true to yourself, and none of what others do will get to you......one of my many things i use to keep others words from impacting me, because without the ability to ignore what peole say, i wouldnt have been able to stay out and would have gone back into hiding when faced with all the >-bleeped-< that i get daily. people seriously need to grow tf up.
Quote from: Maria Procter on July 13, 2018, 04:07:36 PM
What happened? Do you still know each other?
Sorry if I'm being nosy it's just that it seemed really sweet that you and your bully ended up getting along!
X Maria
Hi, Maria
No, I don't mind...
Yes, I still know him. He is now a quiet, thoughtful and considerate man. I've not seen him for much too long.