Did your genitals bother you before puberty? Or was it something you didn't notice?
Did you try to stand to pee or take some nail clippers or... ::) somehow fix the problem yourself?
What were your first memories/inclinations concerning this? And I'm talking about strictly childhood here!
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Well, my downstairs didn't bother me as such. I don't remember feeling there was something wrong with it. But - I had a fixation on penises and used to draw them on every male character to show the world they were males and males only... ::)! I used to fantasize about having one in bed before falling asleep... And once when I was 5 I ran around the house naked chanting: 'I have a willy! I have a willy!' Let's just say I was obsessed about the concept of penis in general..... ::) But I can't say I was disgusted by my parts. But in retrospect it does seem I had a strong preference for other parts..... ::)!
Bother, no, inconvenient, yes.
Jammed in a zipper regularly, yes.
Had to have button flies, yes.
Pee standing up - only in sheer desperation when there wasn't a bathroom nearby... yes
Practice tucking, yes....
Oh well denial is a strong place to be, and hindsight is a wonderful thing, anyone would think my juvenile brain was completely denying any knowledge of my outie.
Rowan
Short answer - NO, not really
Longer more confusing answer - IM NOT Sure..... yes and no i guess, ive always felt sitting down to pee more appropriate for me i kind of learned to be cool with doing it the male way i guess although not really
Also it always feels awkward putting on underpants with it, i guess ive got use to it tho
I was just as disgusted with them then as I am now.
I used to have this little fish bath toy that I would suck water into, put it in my pants, and pretend to pee standing up at the toilet. I would proudly proclaim to my dad, that I could do so, but he ignored me.
Back then, I also thought of a plan to make my junk into a penis (move this bit here, move that bit there), which is surprisingly known as a metoidioplasty, lol.
Didn't bother me, but I never formed any real relationship with it at all.
I think for most guys, their penis is a big thing to them, I felt at best indifferent to it, always have and still do.
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No because I haven't been able to do much about it. Now that I officially started transitioning I'm focusing on my face and whole body. It's been out of mind but I feel like at some point it's going to be a problem for me. I already think about it that having a vagina would be so much better..
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Yeah, they bothered me.
But since there's not much to technically cut off really it didn't go that far. I thought about it though. I looked around to see if we had some surgical stuff in the house (we did have scalpels) and things to sew up with but I would come back to the idea of wound infection and that if that happened I'd have had to explain what the hell I'd done not just to my parents but the dreaded medical practitioners. I didn't want them to think I was nuts (I'd attempted to explain to my parents I was depressed and needed some kind of help and they brushed it off. I guess if I had done something they might have taken me seriously... but I just didn't think I'd get that lucky).
My first memories were
a) how gross it all seemed down there
b) that I didn't like any of it, and I hated even having to touch it to wash it, so I'd literally have to think about something else and hum a dumb song or something while doing that to distract myself
c) was even worse as a young kid when my grandma wanted to bath me, Jeez, I was EXTREMELY self conscious while naked for a young kid. She would have to fight me to get me into the bath. My parents knew about this and let me bath myself because I was so awkward about other people being around.
d) I think I remember something about rolled up socks but it's vague
e) I remember there was this girl I used to hang out with when we were kids, we'd mess around sometimes in slightly sexual games. Not actually sexual but the curiosity was there. I'd always want to take the "male" role
f) I remember that was a bit difficult though because I also had a thing for wanting to keep my clothes on
g) I remember figuring out what you could do with it all down there early on, and then just feeling completely disgusted and wishing there was "nothing there" rather than what was there.
Interesting reading this to learn other people's experiences with GD. Honesty never occurred to me as a child to give my body much notice. Only when puberty hit did I absolutely not like it.
Hi, Purple Wolf
Some of your questions really make me think of things I rarely do.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 28, 2017, 12:39:21 AM
Did your genitals bother you before puberty? Or was it something you didn't notice?
Yes and no. As I've mentioned elsewhere I was a fairly easy child, so when I was told I was a boy I believed/accepted/resigned myself to what I was told although I did want to be a girl. I remember learning to pee standing up because it seemed to make my parents happy. It was a convenient skill that I originally had no interest in.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 28, 2017, 12:39:21 AM
Did you try to stand to pee or take some nail clippers or... ::) somehow fix the problem yourself?
Since I liked my sisters' neat look better, I tried to figure out how I could smooth out the area by e.g. tucking everything inside and fixing it there with tape. I cried when my parents bought me my first boys' underwear because when they explained the function of the front opening/overlap, I hated the thought of using it to pull something out. I hated how the very fact of using it emphasized the fact that I was a boy. I don't really remember using the said function more than once or twice after it was shown to me.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 28, 2017, 12:39:21 AM
What were your first memories/inclinations concerning this? And I'm talking about strictly childhood here!
I was about four when the underwear story took place, and in elementary school when I earnestly tried to make what stood out invisible.
Yes. They bothered me a lot! I realized I had the same parts my brother had and it upset me a lot. I didn't want them and I hoped they would eventually fall off. I sat down to pee from the start. My dad didn't understand why I didn't want to stand up. He would tell me I was lucky that I could pee standing up and that I only had to sit to do number 2. I absolutely hated being naked from a young age. My dad didn't understand that either. I'm not sure how old I was at the time but I do remember once at the Dr when he tried to examine my boy parts and I totally freaked out had a huge tantrum and kicked the Dr in the chest. My dad was so mad at me. I remember him telling me I was lucky he didn't spank his kids because I deserved a spanking for that.
When I was 6-7 years old I could bathe myself but my dad would wash my hair, I guess he thought I wouldn't wash it well enough or I would get shampoo in my eyes. I always fought him and would have a fit over it. Finally he got exasperated with me and told me if I didn't stop fighting him every time he washed my hair he would give me a buzzcut and then washing my hair wouldn't be a concern anymore. He wouldn't really have done it but after he said that I stopped fighting. I've always hated being naked in front of anyone.
When I started puberty "it" started waking up. I remember once at school I had a spontaneous hard on and everyone laughed. I was beyond mortified! After that I started a crude form of tucking so that would never happen again. Thank god I never had to do gym class. That spared me from being in a guys locker room and having to change clothes. Later when I started hooking up with guys I never let them see my boyparts and I most certainly never let anyone touch it. A couple of guys found that really weird but since I was willing to give them oral they didn't much care. After I met Tristan I was really happy that he had zero interest in my boyparts and didn't even want to see it. If he had been interested in that it would have been a total turn off for me and I would have dumped him.
The first thing that came into my mind after my SRS was scheduled was that I hoped they knocked me out before they put me in stirrups. The thought of being that exposed made my skin crawl. The thought of the presurgical exam freaks me out a little also. I'm also glad the surgeon doesn't require genital electrolyss. I couldn't do it. There's just no way I could have someone doing things down there. Just no. Ewww.
Nothing bothered me as a child. I always felt very... disconnected from my body. Like it wasn't mine and I was looking out through someone else's eyes. From as far back as I can remember. Literally like I was wearing a kid suit. I dunno. Puberty made me more aware, and more dysphoric, but before that... I always had the feeling I would wake up one day as someone else and feel like me. Connected to myself, and recognising myself. It was the strangest feeling. Like I was always waiting for something.
I still get prolonged feelings of this disconnection and it's rather disconcerting.
I really gave them no thought at all as a child. I was bashful about changing at a public swimming pool, but other than that I paid no attention to them at all.
Part of that may have been that, at that age, I was not aware that there was another configuration.
Darn you Mr. Wolfie,
Now you have gotten me thinking strange thoughts, asking myself strange questions. Questions I thought I knew the answers to.
I wonder what Gravelly Lake Ponders about? (you have to have seen the sign)
Hugs,
Laurie
This thread is interesting. I was not really bothered by my genitals like I am now, but some things I do relate to my gender identity.
It was very difficult to get me to stand and pee. It was like I didn't acknowledge I had a penis and therefore would not hold onto it to control it. I still pee hands free to this day.
There was troubles with getting me to clean it when I was very young, I refused to acknowledge I had a penis in some subconscious way. It was also very hard to get me to have a shower or bath because I hated getting naked.
I never got naked in any room with other people, I always used a single toilet cubicle if my undies needed to come off.
All of that happened long before I understood my gender identity.
i used to lay awake at night wishing there was a factory i could visit where a conveyor belt would change all my parts over. I always hated being a girl.
No, but since puberty I've found them to be pretty damn gross. I don't think I actually even looked at mine in a mirror until I was 20 and started having PCOS and endometriosis to deal with and regularly found myself getting poked and prodded by an OBGYN.
Yes off and on. I often wished and even prayed they would be gone when I woke up. As I feared pre-puberty I had serious thoughts of self castration. I even planned out what I needed. Having grown up on a farm I knew what was needed to castrate little pigs and how to do that so they didn't get any infections. The iodine, alcohol and scalpel were all stored in my grandparents house. I hated the very idea of becoming a man. I suppose after a while I just gave up and accepted my fate. The disinterest in my genitals never left. I would dream about being a normal girl. Even in mid teen puberty I imagined myself in the female role alot during, ahem, alone time.
Mostly indifferent. I can remember playing show and tell with a neighboring child. We both were about the same age ( 6 or 7) and were like whats that, do you have one. Mine looks like this.
The more I think about it the more I realize I;ve never really like my parts.
Not to say they havent given my some fun times but I find them so inconvenient.
Maybe thats why when I think about srs I'm not THAT nervous. I of course am but I'm more like screw it lets do this and leave all that stupid male culture behind, lol.
It has always embarrassed me for as long as I can remember. Growing up watching boys and teenage boys always talking about how big they are and all the fish stories they tell at that age. Well I guess men tell those stories too lol . But I just couldn't stand it, wanted it gone , dreamed about it being gone. I was always uncomfortable when exposed to those conversations would just politely smile and not say anything.
Everyday now in transition is a day closer to something I have dreamed about since I was a child
I never hated having a penis. It was there, it was pulled on a hell of a lot of times. I've always sat down to pee.
Not until high school where classmates had a habit of reminding me, I was not "hung" at all and I didn't even have pubes yet. Well I'm still not hung although i do now have pubes that get shaved often. Or at least I did until I got an ingrown hair. Ouch
i didn't pay them any attention. i became vaguely aware after a certain age that boys had wieners, but didn't know what those really looked like or what it was like to have one, so i didn't think any more about them than i did about my own. i was more concerned with the things i and everyone around me could actually see/hear.
I think it was apathy and indifference as a kid. I just didnt think about it, and I ignored genitals in general, on some occassions which was awkward I did pay a little attention to penises, simply because they were different and i wasnt used to it, this was rare though since I lived a naive life generally not focused on nudity.
I did use the word "peepee" when I was a kid when peepee was supposed to be for boys and weewee for girls, that's the closest I can remember.
It got worse by puberty because by then I just wasnt even able to look at that direction for a few years, it was that uncomfortable.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 28, 2017, 12:39:21 AM
Did your genitals bother you before puberty? Or was it something you didn't notice?
Did you try to stand to pee or take some nail clippers or... ::) somehow fix the problem yourself?
What were your first memories/inclinations concerning this? And I'm talking about strictly childhood here!
---
Well, my downstairs didn't bother me as such. I don't remember feeling there was something wrong with it. But - I had a fixation on penises and used to draw them on every male character to show the world they were males and males only... ::)! I used to fantasize about having one in bed before falling asleep... And once when I was 5 I ran around the house naked chanting: 'I have a willy! I have a willy!' Let's just say I was obsessed about the concept of penis in general..... ::) But I can't say I was disgusted by my parts. But in retrospect it does seem I had a strong preference for other parts..... ::)!
What I had was misshapen so ya it bothered me. I knew what little girls, little boys... and what I looked like. I locked bathroom doors from the age of 5 on, avoided public showers like the plague. NEVER would let anyone see what I had until I got it fixed when I was 26. Also means no sex. It wasn't what I was, and didn't fit me. Now it does, thank goodness.
Yeah, I remember being ashamed of "it", but I couldn't understand why.
In most situations though it didn't seem to be on my mind.
I wasn't too bothered by my genitals most of my childhood, but I did notice it from time to time. Sometimes I got envious of boy's genitals and wished I could stand to pee, but most of the time I didn't think much of my own parts. I had no idea what so ever if I saw myself as male or female before puberty, it was a concept I just couldn't grasp. I just saw myself as a person, or sometimes as devoid of gender. I did have envy for boys' bodies while feeling kinda "meh" about girls', but that was literally the only sign of me being trans as a kid.
I did try to stand to pee once or twice but only could if I was outdoors and not wearing anything at all on my lower body. I didn't really make more of an effort than that, but just complained about the inconvenience instead, then forgot about it later. I had no problem running around naked or letting others see me, although I was told several times that I was being inappropriate and needed to put on clothes. I just didn't understand what the fuss was about, cause to me genitals weren't more special or whatever than elbows or feet or any other body part. (Learning social cues while asperger takes a bit longer.)
I don't know, it's hard to say what/when were my first memories about it, it probably got into my mind after having seen something on TV or in a movie, or seen some random boys run around naked at a beach or something. I didn't have friends, male or female, at that age so I didn't really know anyone I could compare myself to, except from my sister.
At age 9 I got a lot more aware of my parts though, cause after my bullies sexually abused me and that lead me to start "exploring" myself I got ashamed of my parts, however that had little to nothing to do with gender dysphoria. Although it was certainly some other form of dysphoria. Keeping my gender issues separated from my trauma issues has been difficult at times, but ultimately and at this point, I do know which is what.
I didn't really start getting lower gender dysphoria until a lot later on in my teens, when I started to actually think of myself as a guy. Before then it was just confusing, also in retrospect.
Oh hell they did bother me! When I was 12, my penis hurt a lot when I had to pee and also when I got a boner. I was scared a lot that everything would grow together, so it would hurt more and more. It was embarrassing for me, but at some point I talked to my parents and we went to a doctor. So we talked and they recommended a circumstition and my father said to me that it wouldn't be a big deal. After the surgery it got worse, because I was peeing blood for some time and I had to avoid getting a boner. At school I felt embarrassed, I couldn't tell them why I couldn't do physical education and when I went to urinate I had to sit down. I hoped that the pain would disappear after a while, but it still hurts and got worse. I lost the feeling down there and if someone touched me there, I sometimes don't know if he/she touched my penis or the surrounding area. Having "normal" penetrative sex was not really exiting for me, but I felt an obligation to act as if it would pleasure me. Since the day of the surgery I wished I wouldn't had a penis at all. I like the rest of my body and I am really sensitive with a lot of body parts, but it doesn't feel part of me anymore (just feeling the pain).
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The only problem I had was with the cross-bar on the bicycle frame!! Ouch!!
Yes, I remember hating that there was something there. I wanted it "smooth and flat" without even really knowing what I meant back then lol
Not really although I do remember when I was quite young I was very scared to even pull back my foreskin because I don't know why... it kind of scared me. Didn't do it until I was like 15-16 I think....
Yes. Since I was a toddler, I have felt incomplete as a person without a penis. I tried several times as a child to pee standing up, with horrendous results each time.