Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Think of that movie with Mel Gibson, where you could really know what people thought of you. Would you want to know? Would you maybe want to know? Would you maybe not want to know? Would you be absolutely against it? Inquiring minds want to know! Meghan

One of the things that helped me a lot during the early phases of transition was this thought:

"What other people think or say about me is none of my business."  It applies at several layers of being.

Robyn
   

I'd be happy to know, if only because I'm fascinated with the inner workings of the human mind.

By the way, I love What Woman Want... but god, is it inaccurate! If women really thought only about things like that, it would be a very sad world to live in.

SD

No thnx. What other people think of me is their business.

One thing I've learned is that other people will draw their own conclusions about you no matter what you do and often they're conclusions you don't agree with. I'm happy to just live and let live.

It would be interesting to know what others thought.  But in the long run, I am happy with my life now, and their thoughts don't matter.

Does not matter, need not be.

QuoteI'd love to know what they think!

Purely because how you see yourself is actually different to other people see you.

I would like to know because then I could work on some of the things they point out!

Jay

I have referred to the hostility of my neighbourhood in other threads but within this one, I wish to illustrate one example.

There is one juvenile male in my street, up until a few weeks ago I knew not of his name but was aware of his address.  He has been constant with his whispering campaign, his nasty remarks when in the company of friends when I am waiting for the bus or going about my business in the town.

I do not really care much about how he thinks of me although it still hurts when I have tried to establish myself in the community as Jennifer.  No one knows my past male name even though they know I have been here for 23 years.  However, going back to a few weeks ago, I discovered this little reptile's name courtesy of a court report.  He was convicted of assaulting a police officer, convicted of several counts of theft, criminal damage and threatening behaviour.  Why do I know this now?  He passed the age of 18 and is now able to be named and shamed in the press.

What ever he may think of me, i think more negatively about him tonight but does he care?  I very much doubt it but the fact that I know gives me much satisfaction and his nastiness is less harmful to me now.

i'd like to know what people think about me, even the bad stuff. I'd be so flattered that anyone would want to think of me at all.

I chose "I'd like to know, but that's a hard decision." I don't think quickly very well, and I have the tendency to react rather than respond. So, people often catch me by surprise and I react rather than respond. If I knew their thoughts, I think I could better control my own.

Not sure that anything they may think makes that huge of a difference. Perhaps if they speak to me about what they think. If I actually know and respect them -- then yes, what they think may very much matter.

For the most part? I could really care less.

Nichole

Something to keep in mind when knowing is that their opinions need not matter. Personally I'd love to know just how much I repulse them among other things. Because in a large part I know I am not a bad thing, and also that I am not doing a bad thing nor that some of my wants, needs and desires are in anyway bad. An knowing is a neat bit of insight into how someone else thinks and how the influences of their life have shaped them and so on. Perhaps it is just the adage knowledge is power but I am sort of inclined to say I simply don't like to not know.

I would like to know. That way I could know who to avoid. Who was being real with me and who was just using me. If I could have known a little while back, I wouldn't have accepted my first and only two boyfriend's as boyfriends and told them where to go... Especially Alex (second bf) turned out he was only interested in me to get back at my friend *snorts* jerk. *coughs at teh rant and goes on to do the other polls*

I'd love to know. This issue has been a bit of an obsession for me lately. I just want to know what kind of an image and vibe I am giving off to everybody. All I have to go on are the initial reactions from most people and the daily interactions with the public and co-workers. I have divided society into four different groups based on their typical reactions.

Young Women - Laugh, giggle, gossip and stare are the typical responses from most. The ones who stare are seriously trying to figure out if I am playing a joke. Once they realize I am serious, they examine closer and try to figure out what in the world I could be thinking and then give up. Unfortunately, this group is the hardest nut to crack but the one I desire the most acceptance from.

Older Women - They don't seem to care, or know, and treat me as one of their own by giving me the normal female smile in passing.

Young Men - They pretend not to notice or ignore me if they do. Occasionally I get a double-take or a lingering stare and my intuition tells me that they are thinking to themselves "Is that... really?!... wow, ok..."

Older Men - They generally look at me like a piece of meat. This is sometimes good and sometimes bad, depending on how attractive I find them.  :D If I approve, flirting follows.

I would be lying if I said I didn't care what other people think.

If that is you in the picture, I recommend that you stop bothering what people think.  You look just fine to me and I still retain a male eye and see nothing other than an atttractive female.  The double takes are for that reason maybe?   I regularly get looked at closely, even harrassed ( back stepping to have another look etc. ) but I ignore them and suffer my pain privately at home.

It doesn't matter to me because I'm doing the best I can right now.  I wouldn't change anything if someone told me to anyway.  I've just started hormones and hopefully that will help out.

Screw the gender binary and people's perceptions anyway.

I hope this thing has an on-off switch!!!

I have enough trouble balancing the committe in my head as things stand already.

Quote from: Jay on March 14, 2009, 04:36:20 PM
Purely because how you see yourself is actually different to other people see you.

I would like to know because then I could work on some of the things they point out!

Jay

Yes, this is exactly why I want to know .... but it's insignificant compared to the friendship and support and warmth that I've gotten from so many friends and acquaintances. That's really what's most important.

I use to worry about what people were thinking as I walked by and saw some of them staring. But as time went they stopped staring and I gained confidence and don't even look anymore to see if they are looking at me.

I sometimes may catch someone looking at me so there may still be some uncertainty but no one has ever confronted me about it. I also see many androgynous looking females on the street, would someone be bold enough to go ask them about the authenticity of their gender? If they do they better hope she isn't carrying a brick in her purse.  :D

I have in the past 7 years of my 9 years transitioning had someone who actually knows. She is my best friend and an empath as well.

Cindy

I'd like to know, but that's a hard decision

If I started to care about what people were thinking about me, I'd either go nuts or take over the world. Obviously, I don't really care much about that anymore. But I did catch some of you not bowing to Goddess Virginia  :laugh: >:-) :laugh:

Quote from: Robyn on March 14, 2009, 02:46:31 PM
One of the things that helped me a lot during the early phases of transition was this thought:

"What other people think or say about me is none of my business."  It applies at several layers of being.

Robyn
   

I agree with this above and heard the same thing years ago. This phrase seems to have made it's way through the word space quite a bit...

It's like "free your mind instead"

C -

I have to say I am not to bothered most of the time what they think...some days it gets to me but on the whole I am who I am and what others think is really of no consequence. Women and Men come in all shapes and sizes and we all have flaws.... ;)

I'd prefer people be upfront and honest with what they think of me, but I don't feel the need to know what everyone thinks of me. Like it's not that important to me, I'd just rather people not lie to me, sugarcoat or walk on eggshells around me to spare me my feelings. Cause I already know I don't look/appear/sound much like my gender, and sometimes that's even intentionally nowadays.

Like I know I'm a woman, but I do like being genderally ambiguous with my deep voice, facial hair that I trim into a neat "fashion stubble" and combine with lots of makeup, big boobs and feminine clothing that accentuates my curves. Most people are gonna be mistaken about my gender, unless they make no assumption at all and just ask me.

But most people just take a guess and are totally wrong about it. Because most people do tell me what they think, even if mostly in very indirect and hinty ways. Like for example, people who express that they think I'm either weird, gross or brave (instead of just "normal") for dressing feminine, is quite a hint.

So I already know, but I'm also already fine with it, that people have opinions and that my appearance gets attention. I choose to look this way because I like it and it feels like me, at the expense of not passing. It's not a big deal to me, as long as I get met with politeness and a basic level of respect. But it was difficult to become confident enough to not be too bothered by the frequent misgendering. It only gets to me when it involves harrassment, being dehumanised, being fetishised, etc (and of course any kind of violence but that hasn't happened yet, luckily).

But ultimately it doesn't matter if people think I'm a man or woman or nonbinary or whatever. Sometimes I correct people, other times I just let it slide. But I'd much rather they'd just be honest.