Well, I'm finding myself more and more confused and this seemed like a good place to find some help on the issues I'm coming up against.
I'm not really sure what you'd define as "intersex", but for many years now I have felt like neither male nor female. Biologically I am female. And I am more or less happy acting out that role in society. I feel no need to dress "male" or act "male".
The problem is this; sexually, I feel like I should be a male. This seems odd, I know, but that's honestly how I feel. And it does create difficulties, because I often act that way in the bedroom and it doesn't go over well with "straight" males. "Straight" sex does nothing for me - it only works when I imagine myself in the male role, or am allowed to act that role, if you understand me.
Yep, as you can see, I am very confused with myself. I've always felt a part of both sexes. As a child, I was very much the tomboy and always dressed male unless forced into girl's clothes, though that wore off with peor pressure really. Sexually, I like people according to who they are, not their gender. Although so far, I've only ever had men in my life, though I find females attractive sometimes too (I've never made the leap into dating one though, just because the girls I like always seem to be completely straight!). I only really have one night stands though because it just never feels right.
This has been getting more and prevalent in my life over the last few years (I'm 20). Is it possible this is because of hormone problem maybe? I have been getting some male characteristics over the past few years too, such as more body hair; I get hair on my face for example, though its not thick "male" hair. But enough to need shaving off. I have one of those Jacob's ladders that men have too, which I remove. My voice has always been fairly deep for a female. I don't think I am by birth transgender though - my body is completely textbook female.
If someone were to say, if you snap your fingers now, you'll become male, I'd snap my fingers. But I really don't think I could ever go through surgery or anything like that... argh, confused!
Does anyone have any advice? Or has anybody had the same problem? ???
Hi MJ,
Sounds like you have come to the right place. Here at Susan's people from right accross the TG spectrum come to visit. I think also you might find the WIKI a great place for information.
As to being intersexed the WIKI says
QuoteAn intersexual is a person (or individual of any unisexual species) who is born with genitalia and/or secondary sexual characteristics of indeterminate sex, or which combine features of both sexes. (The terms hermaphrodite and pseudohermaphrodite, which have been used in the past, are now considered pejorative and inaccurate and no longer used to refer to an intersexual person.) Sometimes the phrase "ambiguous genitalia" is used.
.
The WIKI says much more on this subject and is worth reading if only for clarification. It may be that you are in fact intersexed but from the description you have provided you don't sound all that different to many of us here who identify with being TG.
I personally am a CD and for me it's not so much a sexual thing asas freeing the inner me. Shelley has been part of my life since I was about seven or eight. I'm now 45 and have only recently become very comfortable with who I am. Susan's and the lovely people who visit here are a very big part of that. I would therefore suggest to you that you become part of what we have here and participate in the discussions. From that process you may be able to lift some of the confusion from your horizon.
So welcome MJ and good luck on your journey of self discovery.
Shelley
Hi Shelley! Thanks for your friendly reply. I did browse the message boards, and this does seem to be a nice, friendly accepting place. I've never spoken to anyone about my confusions before, so it's strange but nice to have a platform.
I think its wonderful you've found an outlet. And the fact that you found help here to get to the point you're at is very encouraging. I'd like to stick around and participate, and hopefully get a better idea of myself!
That's interesting about the "intersexual". So perhaps TG is a better term? I'm very new to all this, I've just kept it all to myself as much as possible, so I'm learning new terms here. It was just really bubbling up inside of late, and well, google beckoned :P
Anyway, thanks again, and hope to see you around :)
No worries,
One other suggestion I have is that it is not necessary to be nervous here as long as you play nice. Everyone is keen to help and offer advice. When I first came here I was so nervous that I would say the wrong thing. The moderators (coloured stars) are very helpful and have helped me on a number of occasions.
I look forward to seeing you around also.
Shelley
Hi MJ,
Welcome to Susan's. You've come to the right place to help sort out your confusion. One thing that might be of some help, since you seem more inclined to being TS(Transsexual) but are afraid of surgery(who isn't) is to consider seeing a therapist. One who specialises in TG issues. This is the first step for anyone who decides to transition and is also very helpful for people who are trying to figure out were they fit in.
Now I'm not saying you need a therapist. Been misunderstood on that one before. Just that it may help you to sort things out. We at Susan's are always here to lend a sympathetic ear and offer some advice to help you on your journey.
There is lots of good info here and you should wander through the site. There are many people with many stories. Relax you are amongst friends who have been were you are. So fix yourself a cup of tea, or other relaxing beverage, sit down, take your shoes off and set a spell.
Good Journey,
Cassie
Thanks for the welcome, that's very kind of you!
*Giggle* I really wouldn't know where to find that sort of therapist, though I understand what you're saying. Maybe I'll make enquiries. It's good advice - the sort you think, hmmm I know it makes sense, and yet that would be such a big step. I've never had therapy for anything before, but a lot of my friends have for various things. They came out okay. So nothing to be scared of, right? Right? Right? :P
Yes, I'll definitely go through the site more and set my brain to "learn". I have some tea, and enough grapes to last the night. So I'm quite relaxed. ;D
Thanks again!
Hello MJ,
welcome! as you have already discovered, this is a great place to learn more about yourself, from others like you. I'm relatively new here, and also quite confused about things... but at least I'm feeling quite happy in this confusion now, taking my time to figure it all out... and the people in this forum help w/ that.
I look forward to talking to you
Alex/Lisette/unicorn
Aw well thanks, that's very kind of you. It's nice to know there are others out there just as confused as me. Okay, I never really doubted that... but when you keep it to yourself, it can feel that way, don't you think?
So I'll stick around and learn what I can, and I look forwards to talking to you too ;D
QuoteSo I'll stick around and learn what I can, and I look forwards to talking to you too
Hello MJ,
I'm looking forward to your posts and your views. It's great that you've decided to stick around. We're a pretty good bunch, as far as pretty bunches go :D . So I think you'll enjoy it here.
Take care and we'll chat later,
Steph
P.S. Freddie forever...
Hehehe, that's good to hear! You guys all seem great ;D
xx MJ
Glad you like Freddie too! I was trying to upload an avatar of myself, but it wont work. But that's okay, Freddie's prettier LOL
Hello MJ,
Welcome to Susan's. It's great to have you as a new member. You can put up a picture avatar when you have 5 posts.
beth
Ah ha, I see. Well thanks for the welcome and the tip. ;D
Hey Alex,
You may have stumbled accross a motto for us,
Quotequite confused about things... but at least I'm feeling quite happy in this confusion now
:D
Shelley
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Thanks, Shelley, yeah actually, this is the first thing that i noticed here and that makes me feel so at home in this place: everybody who comes here with any kind of confusion immediately has lots of people put their minds at rest... to accept the confusion, stop worrying and start to grow, make friends... and that attitude is making all the difference in the world for me right now.
much love to all
Alex/Lisette the happily confused unicorn :D
Great place to be isn't it.
Shelley
Some times I think we need to remember that we are so close to ourselves that we do not see the small changes taking place. Its only when we look back to the past to see where were than and where we are now to see how much we have grown into our sexual reality.
You know, that's very insightful! And so true. Looking back, I see all kinds of tiny signposts, that meant nothing at the time, but now seem like everything.
Hey, you got me thinking now. Always an achievement. :) Thanks for that ;D
I agree very insightful Michelle. Isn't it a shame that we don't recognise the signs as we go past. Life would be so much simpler.
Shelley
QuoteIsn't it a shame that we don't recognise the signs as we go past. Life would be so much simpler.
It has been my experience that simplicity is a poor teacher. If one believes that experience is the best teacher I would prefer the better teacher.
Cassie