This is a pretty interesting "self-awareness" activity. Might be interesting to compare notes if anyone is interested in this.
It applies very much to people who don't wish to use this term.
The concept is that each day you take a different question and answer it.
http://genderqueerid.com/post/19662297051/30-day-genderqueer-challenge (http://genderqueerid.com/post/19662297051/30-day-genderqueer-challenge)
--Jay Jay
Day 1
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I have used "bigendered."
This is going to be fun ... and scary.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I use bigender and genderfluid.
Thanks for finding this Jay Jay.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I like "mix-gendered", though I don't think it's really a word. I might have made it up, but I think it's much more self explanatory than androgyne.
Bigender is ok, but not in writing because it looks like it should be pronounced big-ender, and my end is not big, thankyouverymuch.
I also like the Native American term "two-spirit", but most people are not familiar with that tradition.
day 1
Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
i don't usually try to define or explain my gender to people. right now somewhere between genderfluid and bigender seems best, but i called myself androgyne too on here.
on anime/manga related forums i've used the term "futa", for those of you who know what that would be
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
At various times I have used these terms: M2F2?, androgyne, transgender, third gender, gender variant, non-binary, Two Spirit (I like the term, however don't feel comfortable using it as I'm not Native American), none of the above, etc. (I know I'm forgetting a few...)
Z
Cool activity; thanks for posting Jay Jay :)
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Other than "genderqueer", you mean? Usually I go with "genderfluid", as I often find myself flowing between typically "male" and "female" presentations (dressing, acting, etc). Or, I'll just say that it is what it is, cause that's more accurate.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I don't like using any. If I have to on forms and stuff I put female (like I do on this site as path of least resistance, and to avoid questions). Technically I suppose I could call myself agender, but it seems weird to label an absence.
Edit: Thought about this more - I do use trans, non-binary, queer and tomboy in various contexts to define myself as needed.
Hey, cool and perhaps a bit scary. Glad people "bit". I am "journaling" on this, so last night I actually wrote about it. I'll just put a bit of what I wrote.
Haven't really found a term I really like more than another. Here are some I have used or thought of: gender non-comforming, non-binary, two-spirited, trans* (meaning somewhere on the spectrum of transgender), etc.
--Jay Jay
I've seen this floating around on Tumblr, but I don't really post much personal stuff on my Tumblr and I don't ID as genderqueer, so I haven't done it. It'll be interesting to compare answers with other people here, though.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I don't identify as genderqueer, so I have to look for other terms. One I've settled on that I like is neutrois. It's kind of the gender of not having a gender. Similar to agender and genderless, but also not somehow. I also like non-binary rather than androgyn(e) and genderqueer, because it seems to me that it implies 'neither' rather than 'both'.
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
-shrug- I dunno. It was just another part of me, no big deal. Seems to me I've always been a tomboy; didn't even know what genderqueer was/that it existed until college. Then I started using "genderfluid" as well. It developed/deepened as all other facets of my personality did.
Quote from: Your Humble Savant on June 07, 2012, 11:32:22 AM
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
From my journal:
I was a tomboy when I was a kid. I tended to play with boys and prefer boys toys and boys activities. Though unfortunately on my account, I was a very weak tomboy and not very skilled in all the physical activity. It was not the age of geeks and nerds yet, so that was unfortunate for me. I would have fit right into all that (and later did-- as I was an early adopter on the internet, computers, etc.)
I already talked (here) about deciding I was a boy and being quite insistent on this, and talked about how my mom was fairly sympathetic.
As a teen I continued with some of these issues. I was very uncomfortable with my body as a teenager, developing secondary female traits and so forth. I think this is when I had the feelings of dislike/ totally not fitting my image in a mirror. I started dressing in an androgynous way at that time. My mom seemed less sympathetic at this point, and told me constantly that I needed to "dress like a young lady", etc. These things made my skin crawl though I didn't understand then why.
--Jay Jay
Day 2
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
GenderS - awkwardly, to say the least.
Quote from: Your Humble Savant on June 07, 2012, 11:32:22 AM
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
At the time, I never realized anything was up. It's only looking back that I notice things. I never realized there was a difference between the way boys and girls (or men and women) were supposed to act until well into my 20s. Might not mean anything, though, I was clueless about an awful lot of social stuff.
Quote from: Your Humble Savant on June 07, 2012, 11:32:22 AM
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
I have complicated feelings about these kinds of questions. Memory is a shifty bitch, and I'm never sure what I've imposed on my childhood versus what was actually happening at the time.
I think I did mostly okay till I was about 11 or so. I have really progressive ex-hippy parents who let me do pretty much whatever. I didn't really have a concept of gendered activities or behaviour or presentation at that point. Though I was a bit of a tomboy so that helped somewhat. My parents did spend a lot of time correcting pronouns and stuff 'cause people tended to assume I was a girl. And apparently I wasn't supposed to be.
Puberty was just bad. That's when the dysphoria started. And when it started to not be okay to be on the wrong side of gender norms.
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
I didn't really notice a difference when I was kid. I had some problems when I was ten because I was friends with a boy and the other girls interrogated me about the nature of our relationship, but that's because they were dumb and not because of anything to do with me. When I was first entering puberty, I thought I was going to turn out be at least part boy even though I knew I was a girl. Then other stuff unrelated to gender happened.
Day 3
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
Sexual cross-role-playing.
3) What's your favourite ways of upsetting gender roles/genderbending/gender>-bleeped-<ing?
None. Why the heck would I let something that doesn't exist in my reality (and is complete nonsense) have anything I do whether it's to "upset" it (which really just enforces it) or not?
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / genderf***ing?
Don't know that I have favorites. I wish I were doing more of it than I do. I'm new to all this genderqueer stuff.
I've tried to grow my fingernails out on one hand. Not going well. A week in and one's cracked already.
I'm toying with the idea of buying some type of feminine jewelry, maybe a pendant, to wear in public. (Yeah, I know I posted something like that over a month ago. I'm still toying, okay. It takes me longer, 'cause I'm only a woman some of the time.)
Don't know if I'd have the cojones actually to go through with it.
Quote from: agfrommd on June 08, 2012, 09:34:17 AM
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / genderf***ing?
I identify as a woman who is a father and an ex-husband. I also love that my adult kids call me "dad" in public.
I should also add that I identify as a male-bodied woman. I don't know if this counts as queering gender so much as it is just a description of my transition progress thus far.
3)What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / genderf***?
More from my journaling:
I'm not really into the genderf***-- maybe a little too old? I'm not entirely sure what this means actually, but I think it means to go against gender expectations for the purpose of upseting and confusing others. If you stick to that definition then I don't do this.
But I do like it when people are not entirely sure what gender I am. It's been really good the last few days with my new haircut, hat, etc. going into places and they are not immediately "gendering" me. I am happy if the don't ma'am me-- way happy. The reason it makes me happy is that I feel that I am most like myself inside.
--Jay Jay
Quote from: Jamie D on June 08, 2012, 06:26:58 AM
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending
Um... upsetting may be too strong a word. But I like my boy clothes, and my best friend says I'm "screwing with him" as my hair keeps getting shorter and with the clothes and all. (Since I was assigned male at birth and transitioned and am physically female.) He thinks I look good like that regardless though. Apparently he's into the tomboy look. I'm still trying to decide if that should creep me out or not.
Oh and this was fun when it happened:
Quote from: Sarah7 on November 10, 2011, 08:50:05 PM
I got misgendered. But in a good way.
A woman walking behind me into the ladies room (so all she can see is my short hair, men's shirt, jeans, boots, and six feet of height) called to me in French: "you know this is the ladies? The gents is over there." And I had the great satisfaction of watching her go red with embarrassment when I turned around and said, "yeah."
Shame I was so flat on my feet. In retrospect I totally should have gone with, "Excuse me? Want to see my tits?" Lost opportunities...
But anyway... Woo! First time being misgendered as an andro lesbian. I feel like I've been through a right of passage or something. ;D
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / genderf***ing?
Probably presentation and clothing. I like wearing a skirt with a shirt and tie, pretty makeup with masculine clothing, things like that. I'm more comfortable wearing skirts, dresses, and makeup now that my chest is flat. My presentation has been skewed toward feminine lately, it being the time of year when sundresses are appropriate. :D Since I'm still read as mostly female, though, I play with the femme look and give it an edge. Bright colors rather than soft ones, masculine shoes with pretty skirts, denim vests over dresses.
I love clothes.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles/genderbending?
Usually, one of two ways:
1) being especially crass while ostensibly dressed as a female (spitting, burping without shame, cursing, generally being unladylike)
2) engaging in typically "male" activities while presenting as female (e.g. hard labor)
Note: I'm not too fond of this one but I think I'll post it just to keep this going, as later ones are more interesting.
Day 4: Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
I wrote: Oh gosh, I don't have too many of these. I really like Rachel Maddow though. I think she is very bright, witty, and tuned in. She is quite a good writer and I am enjoying her book "Drift".
(BTW, Rachel Maddow is host to her show on MSNBS "The Rachel Maddow Show". I'm NOT putting this up her for a political discussion! Just to continue this thread.)
--Jay Jay
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes.
Um... well, my former neighbour and friend is a young, single (bi) mom who does an amazing job parenting her children and has an infectiously positive attitude (at least, I think so). She's strong, responsible, funny, friendly, and all around a great person to hang out with. She's one of those people who make the world a better place just by being herself.
Quote from: aleon515 on June 09, 2012, 02:09:46 PM
Day 4: Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
A total goose egg. I don't know any other birth males whom I even suspect of being non-binary, either through media or in person. We're it not for Susan's I would conclude I am the only member of my species, the last mutant X-man among humans.
Quote from: aleon515 on June 09, 2012, 02:09:46 PMDay 4: Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
Gwen Haworth - seeing her film and meeting her was pretty life changing in some ways. I'm really happy she exists and is out there in public. I think she's helping a lot of queer trans girls get past the femininity/heterosexuality myths. Closest I'd have to a hero I guess.
K's Choice/Sarah Bettens, Tegan & Sara, Sleater-Kinney, The Organ - queer musicians and bands that helped keep me breathing through the bad years.
Ivan E. Coyote, Sarah Waters, Ann-Marie MacDonald - brilliant queer authors whose work I love and respect. (Ivan is also non-binary and IDs as transgender.)
Crushes? Abisha Uhl (lead singer) of Sick of Sarah kind of makes me swoon-y. Sick of Sarah - Kick Back (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEVFMde0CM4#)
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Intergender, Androgyne. M2WtF
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
Thinking there was something wrong with me, trying to hide it, unsuccessfully trying to fit in.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending?
I just live as me haveing full beard long hair lipstick clearly fem clothes. This Is me some call it gender >-bleeped-<ing/gender bending ect. but I'm just being me
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes.
I felt a conection as a teen with Max from Dark Angel who seemed to have a lot of the simalar struggles as me (except people weren't trying to kill me and I couldn't do amazing (superhero type) things.
Some of the songs by Red Hot Chili Peppers really helped me cope with being different. but crushes/heroes escaped me especially from the queer world
Day 4
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
I always thought that Reginald K Dwight had an evolving genderqueer persona, and was one of the musical geniuses of the 1960's to the 1980's.
Day 5
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
"Jamie's World" blog entry: Dealing with the dysphoria
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,120682.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,120682.0.html)
DAY 1
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
No, I am just a female.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
No, I am just a female
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
Happy to be female, but constantly abused by others
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending?
I do not do this
4) Name some TG heroes, influences, or crushes.
Lynn Conway, Marci Bowers MD
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it Change the things I can, ignore the ones I cannot do anything about
6) When did you realize you were Transgender?
3-4 YO
Quote from: Jamie D on June 10, 2012, 05:43:38 AM
Day 5
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
One of the benefits of aging is that it's a long course on acceptance. Parts of your body start to fail, you have less hair, lose your close up vision, start to have to visit the doctor more often with things not working that should.
Really helps me understand that my body will never again be the way I want it to. The fact that it doesn't match, could never match, my internal identity is just another shortcoming I have to accept.
Quote from: peky on June 10, 2012, 06:27:07 AM
DAY 1
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
No, I am just a female.
Then a genderqueer challenge probably isn't your thing.
Actually, it's not really my kind of thing either, I do not have much/any sense of a queer identity in any sense, apart from anything else, I hate all the acronyms.
There's a question later that says 'how do you interact with media queerly?', which made me want to say I watch tv whilst wearing a scuba suit. To be honest I don't see being androgyne as an identity in itself, just a foundation to build an identity on. That being said, I can relate to the questions, if a little wonkily.
1 - I use the term androgyne to describe my gender, it was the first word I found, so I adopted it and made it mine. In past times I would describe myself as a 'pregender' androgyne, in that I feel my gender identity is more like that of a small child, an unformed sense of male female, rather than an advanced rejection of them or anything. It's not that I want to overcome the binary, it's more that I am innocent of it.
2 - I grew up quite happily with my gender, although there were times I were nudged on maler paths, I was generally allowed to play with my teddies and puppets quite happily. It wasn't until a general identity crisis on completing university that I needed to explore gender and reconcile myself to whatever gender I was.
3 - As someone with this childlike perspective in gender, I can't really bend or queer it. I just grab the pretty things indiscriminately around me. This may sometimes seem like I am bending gender, but not to me. It's like if you saw a three year old boy with his mum's high heels and a dolly - you wouldn't say he was gender-bending, he's just a kid having fun, with little conception of the implications to other people. Same thing.
4 - I have loads of heroes, some were queer but none are my heroes because they were queer. Edward Lear is probably my most favourite queer hero, though Marlowe second.
5 - I manage my disphoria by reminding myself that large swathes of 'normal' people are unhappy with their bodies. I then try and remind myself the importance of authenticity and being what you is.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 10, 2012, 05:43:38 AM
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
Hormones, electrolysis, laser, surgery, tattoos, piercings. My body didn't work. So I changed it. Now it works better.
Day 5: Dysphoria and how you manage it?
From my journal:
I'm dysphoric about my chest. I've never liked it. I had a major meltdown re: getting a bra when I was a teenager. When I look in the mirror and see my whole body I think it looks wrong. It doesn't seem like it is mine but it looks like someone else's.
I actually don't know how to deal with it. I have been wearing large t-shirts (never get one that actually fits me) and layer when I can. I started experimenting with binding. I haven't actually gotten so I tolerate it so well. I also think maybe I look too flat. (Okay maybe I just won't be happy with it. I now wear an undershirt everywhere, which gives me another layer, and that helps me a lot.
I try not to look in the mirror. I have thought about covering it up in some temporary way, but funny thing that since I have been dressing more androgynously I kind of like to look at myself-- so I guess it is a way of dealing with it.
I think I didn't understand what these feelings were before. I kind of am going thru a whole new stage of feelign dysphoric and learning to adjust to it.
--Jay Jay
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it.
Erm... When I talk about bad dysphoria, I'm not talking about gender dysphoria. I have some, but not much trouble managing it. Mostly, I just dislike the fact that people see me as female when I'm not and may not see me as a man because I'm not always male. I'm still figuring that out.
For the bad dysphoria, I accepted that I have it and that's it's not going away. I managed to stop worrying as much about whether it meant insanity since professionals and logic say I'm not. I don't know how I did that. I also started looking at it like this: my body is like an outfit I can't take off without killing myself. I love life too much to give it up and I like being here, therefore I am grateful to my body for letting me be here. I simply hate weakness too much to let anything take me down.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
Top surgery is the main one. My lesser coping mechanisms are piercings, haircuts, and hair dye. In fact, since I've had top surgery, I've had so much less of that overwhelming dissatisfaction with my looks that led me to cut and dye my hair every three or four weeks before. I've cut my hair once and dyed it once in the past 12 weeks. Less changing of my hair isn't inherently a good thing, but it comes from a good place.
I still have a little dysphoria, mainly surrounding areas like my hips and thighs. There's not a whole lot I can do about that, but it's not as overwhelming as my chest dysphoria was.
6) When did you realize you were genderqueer?
Sometime in January when I found out that there is word for what I am and that I'm not the only one. Also, I was rather distracted by certain things before that.
Quote from: Edge on June 11, 2012, 05:39:36 AM
6) When did you realize you were genderqueer?
I think I've known that I'm not typical in dozens of ways all my life. But I didn't start thinking there was a gender piece of it until this year. I was getting tired of not having many close friends and tired of following advice of a couple therapists I had years ago who told me to try to make male friends, that female friendships were not entirely healthy for me. I decided to make it a point to try to figure out why I don't fit in with males but fit in (in my mind) much better with females.
I came to realize that there were parts of me that experienced the world as female. I thought that was really strange, but one day I googled "part man part woman" and came across the term androgyne. Suddenly my issues came into much clearer focus.
Day 6
6) When did you realize you were genderqueer?
Ditto AG, above.
The terminology is new to me in the last couple of years, but the feeling has been there forever.
6)When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
From my journal. I just put it all in as it isn't that long.
I saw the story about the transgirl going to Girl Scouts and that whole bruhaha. (The local troop did not let her in but the National GS did.) I started reading and just didn't stop. I started watching ftm youtube videos half the night. I wondered why the heck I was so interested in this whole thing. At first I didn't think too much about it, as I am Asperger's. We do things like this, but it did seem different. I found the term genderqueer and others. I lurked on this board and another. I realized I had always felt this way. The kid stories were revealing, since I had my own stories. I believe that I realized this in April this year sometime. It has been a pretty confusing but in some ways exciting time. I never understood why I did the stuff I did and this explained a lot of things. And I am still putting together things that have never made any sense at all.
--Jay Jay
I also have felt myself to be 'off' or incomplete from an early age.
I descovered the term androgyne (and later that day genderqueer) sometime in 2006, about May I think. It took a few months for the ideas to take root and start to grow and bloom.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
In the fall of 2009 I started learning words like genderqueer and androgyne. I knew that they had something to do with me, and that I was gender-variant, non-binary, but I didn't settle on neutrois as my gender identity until maybe a year and a half later.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes.
My dad, Billie Joe Armstrong, Dustin Lance Black, Patricia Neil Warren (heroes/influences)
I have a queer crush on Amy Lee (lead singer of Evanescence), but I'm not sure of her orientation. Ah well, back to my fantasies.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
I'm lucky enough to not have dysphoria
6) When did you realize you were genderqueer?
This past February, rightly enough at the Western Regional LGBTQIA conference hosted at my school ;D
Quote from: Your Humble Savant on June 11, 2012, 05:02:27 PM
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes.
My dad
:icon_blush: (okay, so there isn't a blushing emoticon; the red face one just didn't seem right)
Day 7
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
I have no Adam's apple. I like my freckles. And I have the potential for a wonderful set of jugs.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Flovingnepal.com%2Fgallery%2Fdata%2Fmedia%2F20%2Fgot-milk-t-shirt-funny-sings-wallpapers.jpg&hash=b1832672495fbb3c34149265ae6968355fdfd850)
Quote from: Jamie D on June 12, 2012, 01:32:35 AM
Day 7
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
Definitely my eyes.
Though I also like being thin.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes.
There are too many to name. But basically, all gender/queer persons who have suffered so much and worked so hard, both my predecessors and contemporaries. Their work and pain has most certainly made my life easier.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
HRT, makeup, clothing, and hope.
6) When did you realize you were genderqueer?
I first identified as genderqueer about three years ago, when I was 38. I think the roots went back farther than that, and my ex-wife and I didn't have much use for traditional gender roles. I'm MTF now, but still retain some GQ qualities, but again those seem to revolve mostly around queering gender roles and expression.
Because I am male bodied the parts of myself I like the most are the more feminine ones.
I'm fond of my hair, when it's a good hair day I have soft, strokable hair of a rich golden-blonde. Other days it is mousey-ginger frizz.
I like my eyes, despite the fact they don't work that well and are hidden by glasses, I think they are rather nice.
I also have small, delicate features as in nose, ears and mouth - the problem being that they are set in such a broad expanse of face.
Finally I am rather fond of my hips and arse - which was recently described as 'deliciously spankable'.
Quote from: Edge on June 11, 2012, 05:39:36 AM
6) When did you realize you were genderqueer?
I don't use that word specifically. I tend to just say non-binary if I need to.
It's been a slow process over the last year as I've realized the gap that separates me from most trans women. And watching the handful of trans girls I do relate to coming out as non-binary to some degree one by one.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 12, 2012, 01:32:35 AM
Day 7
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
My eyes. I think it's funny how everyone says "my eyes." Mine are big and bright green.
And my height. I like being taller than everyone.
Quote from: Sarah7 on June 12, 2012, 01:51:16 PM
My eyes. I think it's funny how everyone says "my eyes." Mine are big and bright green.
And my height. I like being taller than everyone.
Quote from: agfrommd on June 12, 2012, 07:33:29 AM
Definitely my eyes.
Personal preference varies from individual to individual, but I have always been attracted to taller people. Men and women.
And I tend to look at faces, especially the eyes.
This is quite different from the data I reported in my blog.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
My bones. I have pretty bone structure. Nice cheekbones, prominent collarbones, thin bony wrists and ankles, long thin limbs, hip bones that stick out when I lie down, I even like my knobbly elbows and knees. It's kind of strange, because I'm not skinny; I'm just really bony for my size.
7)What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
I have dark brown eyes and thick eyebrows. I have long fingers which come in handy when you are short.
--Jay Jay
7) What are your favourite physical features of yourself?
My height is short, but not unheard of for a male and average for a female. I also like my facial features.
Day 8
8.) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
GSM = Gender & Sexuality Minority ~ GLBT
I believe that real progress for the rights and civil liberties of the GSM community will be achieved through engaging social moderates and conservatives in a constructive dialogue. The goal is to build a political consensus, or a working political majority. Build bridges, not walls.
The current affiliation with social liberals has utterly failed to advance our cause.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 13, 2012, 02:51:08 AM
Day 8
8.) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
GSM = Gender & Sexuality Minority ~ GLBT
Okay, here goes.
I think we do a disservice when we claim that homosexuality or transgender is always inborn.
First let me be clear that there should be a nasty place in hell for those who offer to "cure" homosexuality or transgender. There's no evidence that that is possible and attempts at such have brought untold misery.
But that doesn't mean that being gay or being trans is *always* present at birth. True a lot of gay and trans people report feeling different among their early memories. But can we say that among the hundreds of millions of LGBT people in the world, NONE of them EVER became gay or transgender later in life? Is it even possible that among those hundreds of millions, there might be a handful who CHOSE to be gay or transgendered? (Oh my word, he said the "C" word! Light the torch. Let me find my pitchfork. It was here somewhere...)
I don't know. I do feel that my genderqueerness arrived in my teen years, that my childhood was cisgendered. I also feel that I chose my heterosexuality, though now it's an ingrained part of me.
But regardless of my personal experiences, I'm uncomfortable with blanket statements like "no transgender ever became that way during his/her life" or "Nobody every chose their sexual preference" because it risks invalidating someone's very real experience.
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
I'm not sure what the question is especially since that is not a full sentence.
Um... Well, personally, it makes me feel uncomfortable when people describe gender as a spectrum. Like male, female, and somewhere in between are the only options. I feel like I don't belong because I'm all over that "spectrum" and can't settle down as just one.
I also feel uncomfortable with labels for sexuality. I believe in the Kinsey scale, but it's more than that. It's like... I have specific things I'm attracted to that are unrelated to gender and, when I think of my sexuality, those are the things I think of. There aren't any words for those though which is probably a good thing because that would get very complicated.
I feel hurt and pissed off at the idea of not being considered a male to other people because I am sometimes female.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 13, 2012, 02:51:08 AM
Day 8
8.) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
I think transsexualism (and any trans* variety that causes significant dysphoria) is a pretty vile disorder and I'd be delighted if medical researchers eventually find a way to cure it pre-birth.
(Please don't stone me.)
Apart from the fact that I thought GSM was a pharmaceutical company (I hate acronyms down to my bones).
My unpopular opinion is that there I find most things to do with the gender and sexual minority identity to be irritating, crass and combative. Even the designs of many of the websites irritate me in their bolshy in-your-face-ness.
8)An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
Well I wonder if most people have any clue re: gender variant people. I know a lot of people in the LBGT community do not. But that kind of gets to a bigger issue of whether it is almost too big an umbrella. Eventually if you try to cover everybody a little, you cover no one very well. I have heard a lot of complaints that gays don't understand
transgenders to well and so forth. I have seen this term LBGT go up by several letters.
LBGTQ ,LBGTQQ, LBGTQIA, LBGTIQDK. And here's one for you: LGBTIQQ2SA (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, intersex, queer, questioning, two-spirted, allies). You all feel included yet?
(Since you love those acronyms--not-- Pica, you should love these!!!)
--Jay Jay
Quote from: Pica Pica on June 13, 2012, 12:28:33 PM
Apart from the fact that I thought GSM was a pharmaceutical company (I hate acronyms down to my bones).
My unpopular opinion is that there I find most things to do with the gender and sexual minority identity to be irritating, crass and combative. Even the designs of many of the websites irritate me in their bolshy in-your-face-ness.
With you there my friend! I had to look it up. And so, I put the definition in the text to save others the trouble.
Quote from: aleon515 on June 13, 2012, 12:44:44 PM
8)An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
Well I wonder if most people have any clue re: gender variant people. I know a lot of people in the LBGT community do not. But that kind of gets to a bigger issue of whether it is almost too big an umbrella. Eventually if you try to cover everybody a little, you cover no one very well. I have heard a lot of complaints that gays don't understand
transgenders to well and so forth. I have seen this term LBGT go up by several letters.
LBGTQ ,LBGTQQ, LBGTQIA, LBGTIQDK. And here's one for you: LGBTIQQ2SA (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, intersex, queer, questioning, two-spirted, allies). You all feel included yet?
(Since you love those acronyms--not-- Pica, you should love these!!!)
--Jay Jay
The most I've seen is LGBTQQIAP, though I've also seen QUILTBAG, haha. (Queer/questioning, undecided?, intersex, lesbian, trans, bisexual, asexual, gay) I don't remember who made that up or where I found it. I like GSM. Short, simple, inclusive. I wish it were more widely used.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition?
I am currently living out, but everyone refers to me as female anyway. I want other people to use male pronouns when I am male, but I can't force anyone. My name is unisex. Of course, that means everyone thinks it's a girl's name, but considering I know of at least one other guy with my name, I figure it's not bad.
Day 9
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
I found a support site called Susan's Place. I found people like myself, after being isolated from my "community" for four decades. Pronouns? I really don't care. There's a girl inside of me, and there is a boy too. The boy was called "Jamie" when he was very young. The girl here is "Jamie" as well.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 14, 2012, 05:42:39 AM
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
Done: Nothing unless you count trying to grow the nails long on one hand. Now they're long enough to look unkempt but short of looking feminine. I have come out to a couple of my friends, but that's kind of a non-event since I'm not actually making changes.
Plan to do: Nothing having to do with pronouns. I hate it when people police my speech, I don't want to police others'. Thought about maybe wearing one piece of feminine jewelry, but don't know if I'd have the cojones to go through with it. I'm still terrified of letting go of my conventionality - That people will see me differently and treat me differently and it will be harder to get them to take me seriously.
Quote from: Edge on June 14, 2012, 05:40:37 AM
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition?
I did the whole pronouns, name, coming out, blah blah, but that was really due to the transsexualism, which isn't quite the same thing. And I'm fine with female pronouns and name - they just reflect the way society defines people with my kind of body. And they don't bother me the way some kinds of language does.
As far as the non-binary thing, I don't really think it's my job to tell people. I'm out to my parents (because I feel I owe them), and my best friend (because he asked), and my sister sort of gets it without being told, but that's it.
The way I present and behave keeps me from dealing with a certain amount of gendered language and expectations that I don't like.
Quote from: agfrommd on June 14, 2012, 07:56:17 AMThat people will see me differently and treat me differently
Ya... that's the good part. They see me and treat me more like I actually am. I tried going in the "normal girl" direction immediately after I went full time. It... sucked. It just led to MORE expectations and MORE pressure. I did the pretending to be someone I'm not thing for years and years pre-transition, damned if I was going to trade one mask for another. So now I just do me. And everyone has given up policing my gender as hopeless.
Quote
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
I started with a name tag at church that said "Connie" even before I was full time. That was in April 2011. Also in April, I mailed letters to my parents and brothers announcing my transition.
By July 2011, I emailed my bosses and HR to let them know I'd be going full time after my already planned vacation in September. My cube name plate, name in the company employee directory, email address, and all company userids have been changed to Constance. Well, almost all. In the HR/payroll system I'm still known by my legal name, David.
After going full time in September, people started using femme pronouns for me, as well as calling me Connie, Constance, or Cam.
In December I announced my transition to family, friends, and in-laws with Christmas cards I had made with my picture on them.
The only steps really remaining in my social transition is the legal name & gender marker change.
Mine is less a social transition as a psychological one - a process of becoming comfortable in myself and then comfortable as myself in society.
I am far less awkward about buying women's clothing now. I think all my jeans and work trousers are now female, as my hips and arse mean they are more comfortable. I already had a tendency towards women's socks, underwear and pyjamas, so that hasn't changed. I have a few female tops, but on the whole they make me feel less comfortable. I am also less awkward about using female accessories, most of my notebooks and pens and such are feminine. (I like flowers)
I also look after myself more, this is more an increase in self pride and comfort. I have learnt how to shave with a straight-edge razor and enjoy using that with my rose scented shaving foam, very luxurious.
As for pronouns, I have never been very fussed with those and I consider my name to be an androgyne one by virtue of me having it.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition?
Not a whole lot. I'm out to my parents and close friends. I've shared my preferred name and pronouns with a few of the friends. My sister seems to get it without my having spelled it out to her. She avoids most gendered words while talking about and addressing me, though she still uses she/her, which I really can't expect to change without asking her.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
Eyes/hands
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
-shrug- I dunno, really. I'm fortunate enough to have a fantastic network of people who don't give if I'm genderqueer.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition?
I came out to my friends/immediate family in February, started doing more in-depth genderbending/crossdressing out in public. And I've been so much happier for it :)
9)What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
I can't really imagine that I'd make people use "hir, zir, ze, they, etc." Just can't see it happening. Not even sure if it matters to me. I have begun using Jay Jay with close friends and told a couple people. I plan to tell a few more now that I kind of know how I will approach it. I started dressing a lot more androgynously lately-- actually ends up beign more guy like. Got a short hair cut that could read either way and got a cap that I really like. I have experimented with a binder, but it feels very constricting (uh it's called a binder!), not sure I will use it. I feel like I am very flat with it, but the last couple days I really like how I look in it. However, I wear an undershirt which works ok.
--Jay Jay
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I'm really hesitant about stressing my body. It's taken me faithfully through five decades, I feel I owe it at least to avoid tinkering with it if I don't have to. If I hated the male parts of my body, I would consider transitioning more seriously. But my dysphoria is mostly social - the people with whom I'm most comfortable see me as different from them. I'm preferring to try dealing with that in ways that don't require changing my body.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
Have been taking a 'medium' doseage of that minty yuk Spiro for well over a year.
Certainly has quieted the rage/anger underlying feelings quite a bit.
Less body hair, slowed hair growth, shave 2x/wk.
Have been using very low doseage estradiol patch for over a week now.
I like how I feel, although that has just been the last few days.
A little more emotional, but that was to be expected.
Less aggressive, libido is just fine.
Still Ativan
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I have very little money and food, rent, and other necessities are more important.
Quote
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I've been on HRT for about a year now.
Quote from: agfrommd on June 15, 2012, 08:09:11 AM
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
So far: 17 months of HRT, electrolysis on my face, tracheal shave, nose job, brow ridge reduction, vaginoplasty. In another 7 months I'm going to decide if I want a boob job or not.
I need a base-model female body, or as close an approximation as I can manage, in order to be functional.
Quote from: Edge on June 15, 2012, 09:26:28 AM
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
And change a body this good?
Day 10
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
Quite a quandary for me. Right now, I'm just try to improve my overall health, through weight reduction and cardio-rehab.
If, in a few months, I'm not pushing up daisies, and I've met my goals, I can dream again.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I had top surgery in March. I'm not planning on taking any further steps.
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
There's a Queer-Straight Alliance group at my school, but barely anyone showed up. I did meet my school counsellor who is very understanding though.
Quote
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
The first experience would have been about 10 years ago when my church was beginning it's ONA status, formally declaring itself to be Open aNd Affirming to all persons. ONA is kind of like UCC code for a queer-friendly congregation.
Sorry I'm still on this one:
10)Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I haven't done anything, and I don't know if I will.
--Jay Jay
Quote from: Edge on June 15, 2012, 11:32:53 PM
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
I guess the trans youth group that my therapist insisted I go to would qualify. The first time was awesome 'cause that's when I saw She's A Boy I Knew, and Gwen came and talked to us. But I stopped going pretty quick after that. They were nice, but boring.
I've never joined a GSM group, I can't work out what we'd talk about and I am not one of those people who need to be around others like myself, I prefer variety in my social gathering. Susan's provides me with enough 'you are not alone' for me.
That said, I have been to quite a few gay nighclubs/bars/cafes and bookshops, my main impression is that they are more expensive than the usual kind.
Day 11
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
I have no experience, as I am largely isolated. I am open, however, to events I can find within a 100 mile (150km) radius.
Susan's is my sole support organization.
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
I went to a GSM group at my university once. It seemed like a clique of already-close friends, so I didn't go back. I found out later that they were a bunch of transphobic jerks, so I didn't lose much by not trying to befriend them.
11)Your first experience with a GSM/ LBGT organization or event
I don't know if this qualifies as an event, but I went to a local transgender center a couple times. I just talked to a staffer. Nothing too interesting but it worked out pretty well for me (as I have written). I'm planning on going to a group on Monday, I'll let folks know how it goes in another thread.
(BTW, like Connie, I was active in a UCC church which was ONA. I am not too involved in church anymore. But the church itself is a wonderful welcoming place.)
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
I don't really have one. It's never been a word I've identified with. Though I don't correct people if they use it for me unless I'm actually having a conversation about how I identify and/or language. I prefer "trans" or "trans*" as an umbrella term.
And now I'm going to miss the next 14 'cause I'm off for England for two weeks!
Quote from: Sarah7 on June 17, 2012, 09:23:15 AM
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
I don't really have one. It's never been a word I've identified with. Though I don't correct people if they use it for me unless I'm actually having a conversation about how I identify and/or language. I prefer "trans" or "trans*" as an umbrella term.
And now I'm going to miss the next 14 'cause I'm off for England for two weeks!
Have a great trip, Sarah :)
Day 12
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
I prefer it it others to describe a commonality between us. Any non-op, pre-op, post-op, MtF, FtM, MtA, FtA, bi-gender, pan-gender, androgyne, two-spirit, et cetera, can use this term without rancor, and it will be widely understood within the community.
Quote from: Sarah7 on June 17, 2012, 09:23:15 AM
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
I don't really have one. It's never been a word I've identified with. Though I don't correct people if they use it for me unless I'm actually having a conversation about how I identify and/or language. I prefer "trans" or "trans*" as an umbrella term.
And now I'm going to miss the next 14 'cause I'm off for England for two weeks!
Enjoy England, hope the weather holds out for you - mainly because I hate doing wet breaks.
As for the term transgender - it does the job.
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
An umbrella term that may or may not be used by someone who doesn't define their selves as cisgender
Another umbrella term that seems to be less political, that is currently being used, is Trans*.
I personally like it because it takes out all those extra letters used with LGBT, or as I see it, TGLB.
I still use Transgender on those occasions that it seems appropriate.
More importantly, I try to use these terms followed with People, if it is to be read by a variety of people.
Just to humanize them for everyone. It seems like a better way to integrate everyone.
Transgender People. Trans* People. Cisgender People. TGLB People. People. That works, too...
Ativan
Quote from: Ativan on June 17, 2012, 10:29:56 AM
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
An umbrella term that may or may not be used by someone who doesn't define their selves as cisgender
Another umbrella term that seems to be less political, that is currently being used, is Trans*.
I personally like it because it takes out all those extra letters used with LGBT, or as I see it, TGLB.
I still use Transgender on those occasions that it seems appropriate.
More importantly, I try to use these terms followed with People, if it is to be read by a variety of people.
Just to humanize them for everyone. It seems like a better way to integrate everyone.
Transgender People. Trans* People. Cisgender People. TGLB People. People. That works, too...
Ativan
I doubt I could have said it better myself.
One question, though: I thought that "Trans*" was in essence a political response to "Transgender." I had thought that "Trans*" was considered to be more politically inclusive than "Transgender."
Okay, so that wasn't a question. It was more of an observation.
Quote from: Connie Anne on June 17, 2012, 02:26:00 PM
One question, though: I thought that "Trans*" was in essence a political response to "Transgender." I had thought that "Trans*" was considered to be more politically inclusive than "Transgender."
That's what I was trying to say...
It seems to be easier for people to use without the quarreling that Transgender has had over the years.
LOL, shorthand for inclusive. Non-binary, binary, just anyone who doesn't necessarily use cisgender.
(Although, some people may use both. Depends on their reference point at the time.)
Used as such in some social network groups, many discussions are more cohesive.
People just simply think of other responders as another Trans* Person.
(see how I snuck that 'Person' on the end? Reinforces the People aspect. ;))
Ativan
Okay, I get it now.
I can be a little slow on the up-take.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 16, 2012, 03:37:52 AM
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
Great story.
At the first day of class every year, I talk about how I want my classroom to be tolerant and inclusive w/o regard to race, nationality, sexual orientation, etc. I always make it appoint to single out use of the word "gay" to mean "distasteful" and say that I don't want to hear it used that way.
This made an impression on one of my students, who happened to be the prez of the school Gay-Straight Alliance. At the end of the year she told me they found out their advisor was retiring and she suggested me as a possible replacement. I didn't know anything about LGB or even T at the time, but I was thrilled at the opportunity because I've always felt for people who were oppressed and bullied for being themselves, so I agreed. I've been the GSA advisor here ever since.
Quote from: Sarah7 on June 17, 2012, 09:23:15 AM
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
Hard to get that term to apply to me. I know I'm genderqueer, probably androgyne, but I still have a hard time referring to myself as transgender. I know better, but I still associate that term with transitioning transsexual people.
Quote from: Ativan on June 17, 2012, 10:29:56 AM
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
An umbrella term that may or may not be used by someone who doesn't define their selves as cisgender
This.
12)Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
I'm very cool with it. I feel the word means "beyond" gender. I use the term trans* as I think this sort of shows the inclusive aspect to the term. I am not so sure how sure everyone else sees this, and if we would be considered the ugly step-children of transgender. :) But personally I am not altogther concerned.
--Jay Jay
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
As Pica Pica said, it does the job. My gender doesn't align with my birth sex, so I'm transgender. I don't feel overall positively or negatively toward the word. It's a decent descriptor, albeit a vague one.
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
They've taken it very well overall. I haven't asked for a different name or pronouns, though my mom has started referring to me with ungendered or less-gendered words (child instead of daughter, for one). My parents paid for half of my top surgery, though I plan on slowly starting to pay them back soon. My extended family doesn't know. I don't really plan on telling them; I just dress and act how I normally do and if they want to ask they can ask. *shrug*
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
Quote from my Dad, 'We love to hear you laughing and enjoy your unique take on life. You are a one-off character and I take much pleasure and joy in that'.
Though they feel that I am talented and under achieving given the talent I have, so it's not all sunshine and roses. I try and explain that I am not all that talented and I am doing my best towards my goals, but they aren't convinced.
Quote from: Julian on June 18, 2012, 02:43:00 PM
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
Parents are gone, so family for me is wife, kids and sister.
Sister said, you are probably just getting in touch with your feminine side. I haven't raised it with her since then.
Haven't told son. He's going away for 8 weeks to camp, so I get a bit of a reprieve there. Don't really know the right way to come out to him.
Mentioned casually to my daughter that I consider myself part woman. She didn't think this was anything remarkable.
Wife: Ugh. She was initially very supportive, but then got annoyed at me for bringing it up when she had a school project due. When I asked her whether I should have kept it to myself, she said yes, sparking a bit of discussion. Since then she's been treating it as it doesn't exist, though she has been very supportive of efforts to expand my social horizons and to go to a gender identity support group.
Day 13
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
Good thing I am not triskaidekaphobic!
My life-partner has been aware since we met of my bigendered feelings. She has helped me when I was particularly dysphoric, with things like "roll reversal" play, and such. I never insisted on strict gender rolls for our kids, so they grew up willing to tolerate and experiment.
Quote from: Pica Pica on June 18, 2012, 03:08:06 PM
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
Quote from my Dad, 'We love to hear you laughing and enjoy your unique take on life. You are a one-off character and I take much pleasure and joy in that'.
Though they feel that I am talented and under achieving given the talent I have, so it's not all sunshine and roses. I try and explain that I am not all that talented and I am doing my best towards my goals, but they aren't convinced.
I suggest, next time you have that sort of discussion, you should wear the smoking jacket and a cravat. If they still don't understand, you will at least have the solace of being well-dressed.
Quote
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
My wife divorced me, but we're still friends. My kids seem closer. My brothers don't really seem to be all that affected by it. I feel like things with my parents are awkward.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 18, 2012, 03:24:12 PM
I never insisted on strict gender rolls for our kids, so they grew up willing to tolerate and experiment.
Yeah, me neither, and yet they both ended up totally conforming. I insisted for one of my daughter's early birthdays that along with all the dolls, that we give her a toy truck. There's no way she was old enough to know better, but she gave me a look like "what am I going to do with THIS?"
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
My son is two and doesn't really care. He already switches between calling me "daddy" and "mum." I told my mom and she barely reacted. She let me ramble about gender to her for awhile and even asked me what it feels like to be a guy. She told me she wanted to make sure I wasn't saying I was a guy because of perceived obstacles. I asked her if she had met me.
My siblings probably wouldn't care, but would probably accuse me of screwing up again. Former dad would have been interested and had good, long talks with me. Now dad would use it to hurt me because he's a jerk. My extended family wouldn't understand and would probably think I was screwing up again and making life more difficult for myself.
Quote from: Edge on June 18, 2012, 04:02:17 PM
My extended family wouldn't understand and would probably think I was ... making life more difficult for myself.
You probably are, but more satisfying and more honest also.
13)How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
I haven't decided to talk about about this with my one remaining family member. I don't think she would really understand this. Not sure that it would matter much because I have not really changed physically. Not sure what I would do if, say, I took T, though I am not planning to take it.
--Jay Jay
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
Short answer, yes. I'm both queer and trans.
Long answer: it's a little weird. It's like, any partnership I might find myself in kind of has to be a queer one, since there's no gender 'opposite' neutrois with which to form a 'straight' partnership. So I'm kind of queer by default, if that makes sense. I'm not saying that all nonbinary people are this way or should see themselves like this, it's just part of my relationship with my gender.
Quote from: Julian on June 19, 2012, 01:12:36 PM
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
I'm the faculty adviser to the gay-straight alliance at our school. I suppose that counts. I've also been to a couple PFLAG meetings.
Quote from: Julian on June 19, 2012, 01:12:36 PM
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
Short answer, yes. I'm both queer and trans.
Ditto.
Quote from: Julian on June 19, 2012, 01:12:36 PM
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
In some vague de-facto way, but nothing more.
Quote from: Julian on June 19, 2012, 01:12:36 PM
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
Short answer, yes. I'm both queer and trans.
Ditto as well.
14)Are you part of the LBGT/GSM community?
I consider myself Trans* and just started going to the transgender resource center. But do I think about it at all. Not really.
Jay Jay
Day 14
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
As I equate GSM with GLBTQ and all the others letters that are added on to the acronym, which I cannot possibly remember, and to the extent I do not identify with the 96.5% of the population who represent the "majority," then "Yes."
I'm a little late to the party it seems but it looks too fun to pass up.
Day 1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Ummm, sometimes I use two-spirited, the usual androgynous or I go into a big explanation about wanting the perfect(IMO) balance of androgynous femininity and boyish masculinity.
Quote from: Empty Miroir on June 21, 2012, 04:00:38 AM
I'm a little late to the party it seems but it looks too fun to pass up.
Day 1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Ummm, sometimes I use two-spirited, the usual androgynous or I go into a big explanation about wanting the perfect(IMO) balance of androgynous femininity and boyish masculinity.
You can catch up!
Day 15
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
With clothing, I have tried to adopt items that are more brightly colored, which are largely "unisex" in nature. Perhaps "gender neutral" might be a better description.
I tend to avoid public restrooms, if at all possible.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 21, 2012, 05:23:00 AM
Day 15
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
Clothes shopping hasn't (up to now) been a big deal. I never really cared how I presented as long as I was neat and clean. But lately...
Bathrooms. Hmm. Never liked men's bathrooms (though never thought about that as a gender issue until right this minute) but always just sucked it up and used them.
Forms? I'm comfortable calling myself a male because I've got male parts and that's what most people think of when they say male. I prefer to allow a definition of male that includes male-bodied mix-gendered androgynes and makes them as welcome as any other male-bodied folk.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
Clothes shopping: I make sure I'm wearing a binder when I buy guy's clothes so I know how they hide my chest and I make sure I wear a bra when I buy girl clothes, so I know they fit my chest.
Public bathrooms: I can't avoid them, so I use the female one, but I would rather there was a unisex bathroom available.
Forms: I avoid answering gender questions on forms. They usually don't care anyway. If I absolutely have to, I say female because I'm faab.
Only other gendered activity I can think of involves being in a relationship and that hasn't come up yet.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
I tend to go with the path of least resistance.
I like to decorate myself though.
Ack, I keep falling behind with this.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
Nope. I like my body, it's just that I like putting on a presentation that doesn't match my body.
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
Do Prop 8 protests count? If not, then the formation of the Gender Umbrella club at my college with my pals :)
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
-shrug- Doesn't apply to me. 'm genderfluid.
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
Those that I've told have taken it just fine.
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
I'd say so, yeah.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
I use my biological gender (female) for all things legal. Everything else depends on my fickle whimsy :laugh:
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
If there's no one around, I'll use men's bathrooms and fitting rooms. Otherwise, I'll use the women's room. It's not a huge deal to me, but I do like it when I find gender-neutral bathrooms.
On forms, I tend to leave the gender option blank if I can. I've found some online job applications have a 'prefer not to answer' option, and I'll use that if it comes up. If absolutely forced to pick a gender I'll pick female and not feel too bad about it.
All clothes are fair game. I've been known to buy from the men's, women's, and boys' sections, since those sections have clothes that I fit in. The perceived gender of the clothes matters less than the way it fits and looks.
I don't care anymore about the perceived gender of the things I use nearly as much as I care about being gendered. If that makes sense.
15)How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
There are some gendered spaces I have really gag at. For instance, I was at a restaurant and at an adjoinging table was a bridal shower. EW! Shopping, I don't really mind the gender on this. I shop everywhere. I think it's the dressing room. No one has ever said anything to me in a negative way re: shoppign in the wrong department. I am irked by going into anythign labeled "women", but there is no way I could go the other way. I haven't thought about them that much.
--Jay Jay
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
Pretty much all of it.
My favorite musicians are all women. My favorite movies feature strong independent women. My favorite authors are all women's writers. I like watching women's sports on TV.
Quote from: agfrommd on June 22, 2012, 08:53:29 AM
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
Pretty much all of it.
My favorite musicians are all women. My favorite movies feature strong independent women. My favorite authors are all women's writers. I like watching women's sports on TV.
Are women queer then?
I don't even understand the bloody question, I think this one is nonsense.
Some times I parallel read two books at once, bouncing from one page of one to one page of another. It's good when the two books are on a similar subject as it gets different angles, but when you do it with different books about very different things it creates ideas - I imagine that is a rather queer way to connect with media.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
Quote from: Pica Pica on June 22, 2012, 11:06:48 AM
I don't even understand the bloody question, I think this one is nonsense.
Ditto. "Queerly?" Um... I act like a fangirl which is normal, but I suppose is unusual when I do it as a guy. I connect with certain books like American Gods in an unusual way.
Quote from: Pica Pica on June 22, 2012, 11:06:48 AM
Are women queer then?
Kind of "queer" preferences for a middle-aged balding guy, wouldn't you say?
Quote from: agfrommd on June 22, 2012, 01:31:23 PM
Kind of "queer" preferences for a middle-aged balding guy, wouldn't you say?
They are? That hasn't stopped any middle aged guys I know...
Quote from: Edge on June 22, 2012, 03:35:56 PM
They are? That hasn't stopped any middle aged guys I know...
No, hasn't stopped me either. Being queer never bothers me.
Quote from: agfrommd on June 22, 2012, 03:49:04 PM
No, hasn't stopped me either. Being queer never bothers me.
No, I mean it's not queer. It's normal.
My favorite normal is Abby Normal. ;)
Ativan
Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein - "Who's Brain Was it?" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH97lImrr0Q#)
>My favorite normal is Abby Normal. ;)
>Ativan
6) Name some media you connect with queerly
I don't relate to this topic at all, but I relate to the above.
--Jay Jay
Quote from: Edge on June 22, 2012, 03:55:55 PM
No, I mean it's not queer. It's normal.
Comforting to hear you say that. I feel like such an anomaly in so many ways.
Edge, do you know lots of straight guys who are mostly into women's media? That would be very encouraging. I don't know any male-bodied folk who go out of their way to listen to Pink or Taylor Swift, watch romantic comedies, or read those paperbacks with pink covers.
It would be very interesting to me to hear your experiences if you're willing to share them.
Day 16
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
I am flummoxed by the challenge.
Quote from: agfrommd on June 22, 2012, 06:33:36 PM
Comforting to hear you say that. I feel like such an anomaly in so many ways.
Edge, do you know lots of straight guys who are mostly into women's media? That would be very encouraging. I don't know any male-bodied folk who go out of their way to listen to Pink or Taylor Swift, watch romantic comedies, or read those paperbacks with pink covers.
It would be very interesting to me to hear your experiences if you're willing to share them.
My dad likes women musicians like Dar Williams and Sarah McLachlan (he used to sing "Ice Cream" to me :) ). I don't know what his friends listened to exactly, but they shared the same tastes in music. A friend I used to have and his father both like The Dixie Chicks. My ex really likes The Gilmore Girls (although he is a little odd in other ways and may not be 100% straight, but he does have a crush on Lorelei). My ex's tough guy friends like Benny and Joon (granted, it is of a way higher quality than most romantic comedies). Another ex (bi though) likes Pink although that was because the colour pink turns him on and he thinks she is hot. I know more, but can't think of them off the top of my head.
It doesn't involve any "going of their way." My ex did get a few raised eyebrows about The Gilmore Girls, but that's about it.
Quote from: Edge on June 22, 2012, 07:39:58 PM
My dad likes women musicians like Dar Williams and Sarah McLachlan (he used to sing "Ice Cream" to me :) ). I don't know what his friends listened to exactly, but they shared the same tastes in music. A friend I used to have and his father both like The Dixie Chicks. My ex really likes The Gilmore Girls (although he is a little odd in other ways and may not be 100% straight, but he does have a crush on Lorelei). My ex's tough guy friends like Benny and Joon (granted, it is of a way higher quality than most romantic comedies). Another ex (bi though) likes Pink although that was because the colour pink turns him on and he thinks she is hot. I know more, but can't think of them off the top of my head.
It doesn't involve any "going of their way." My ex did get a few raised eyebrows about The Gilmore Girls, but that's about it.
Thank you for that. Helps me feel like I'm not so one-of-a-kind.
Day 17
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
That's not possible.
>17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
>That's not possible.
I'll answer while I have net access. Excuse the carets but this thing is SLOW.
Hmm, I'm always misgendered and it is really almost not possible to correctly gender me.
I'm annoyed at being called ma'am which hasn't really changed. But then I am not so sure what I am expecting.
--Jay Jay
I suppose that technically I am always misgendered by people. It doesn't really bother me, I know what I am and that is enough.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 24, 2012, 01:15:11 AM
Day 17
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
A more complicated question than it sounds.
Of course no one ever thinks I'm anything but male. I don't have any obvious female characteristics.
But thinking of me as 100% male IS misgendering me, right? Everyone who sees me that way (which is pretty much everyone) is missing a big part of the picture.
So I'll say that I'm ALWAYS misgendered.
How do I deal with it?
I HATE IT. I'm supremely POed that there's no way to get people to see the female side without looking or feeling like a total weirdo.
17) How do you or would you deal with being misgendered?
I don't expect people to keep up with my switches, but I get annoyed that am hardly ever acknowledged as male (only here, once in RL, and by my school counsellor).
The only pronoun I get really bugged by is "they" though. That might be because "they" is also used for plural people and I am one person and want to make that clear.
Quote
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
Usually, when I'm misgendered, it's over the phone and I'm called sir. I just politely say, "Actually, I'm not a sir I'm a ma'am."
There are times when I'm misgendered face-to-face. When that happens, I just stand up straighter and push my bosom out.
17) How do you or would you deal with being misgendered?
I think it is a normal thing that people will do.
And that's the importance of it.
It's something that they are doing, not you.
Unless someone is threatening, why give a >-bleeped-< about their opinion about it?
If you don't know this person, they don't know you.
Why waste your time and energy on someones idea of how they perceive gender?
Granted, if it is someone you know and they know you, you might want to correct their mistake.
Or, you may not.
Misgendering is someone else's problem, not yours.
Are you always sure that you are gendering someone exactly as they might wish you did?
Unless you are gender>-bleeped-<ing society, they are for the most part, oblivious to a misgendering on their part.
Society in general could care less if they misgender someone.
It's just their immediate perception. So what?
How many people do you think there are that put thought and energy into correctly identifying anyones gender?
Most of society sees only male or female.
Blur that perception and they may struggle with it, but as soon as you are out of sight, you are out of mind.
If they start to question you in a non threatening manner, they are curious.
Now you have the option of it becoming your problem or not.
The situation should dictate your reaction to what has now possibly become a problem, but not necessarily.
If there is hostility involved, it's a problem. It's your problem, they made it yours.
You have options and choices to make as to how you deal with it, at that point.
Trying to reason with a hostile person in general just makes them more hostile.
Walk away and leave them to be pissed and confused about the world, or argue and do the same thing to yourself.
(they and their, can and is used in the singular, as an alternative to other pronouns.)
Ativan
Quote from: Connie Anne on June 24, 2012, 09:20:39 AM
Usually, when I'm misgendered, it's over the phone and I'm called sir. I just politely say, "Actually, I'm not a sir I'm a ma'am."
There are times when I'm misgendered face-to-face. When that happens, I just stand up straighter and push my bosom out.
Hussy ::)
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
I don't do anything about it, unless it's one of a few very close friends doing the misgendering. I don't expect anyone who isn't close to me to gender me properly.
Day 18
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
That's hard to say. Would I be any happier as a female-bodied androgyne, than as a male-bodied androgyne?
I have found a greater peace of mind as I have feminized. That much I can be sure of. Giving the "girl inside" an opportunity to breathe has helped alleviate the nagging dysphoria of several decades.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 25, 2012, 05:02:44 AM
Day 18
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
The most accurate answer to this is that my gender situation is completely preventing me from having any future plans. This week I'm so floored by my gender issues and the possible solutions that I can see very far past the next minute.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
After I have my morning non-binary coffee, (really f'ing strong) I plan on having a non-binary shower.
I have some non-binary laundry that I plan on doing this morning.
I'm feeling really non-binary good this morning, so I plan on printing some action photos I took.
That should round out my non-binary plans for this morning and maybe some of my afternoon.
I've been thinking of doing a non-binary time lapse photo session of a flower I like in the garden.
The weather looks like it will be clear skies today, so as a non-binary, I may do that.
I shouldn't go on like that, how non-binary of me.
Maybe my friend wants to go clothes shopping.
Now there is some non-binary factoring to play with, but still not a plan.
That would be about as much as my non-binary gender factors into the plans that my life will be.
I wonder how much people factor their gender into their plans.
Now I wonder how much it's on a conscious level. I can see a reality series on TV about it.
'The Gender Factor'. Genderphobes would be captivated by other peoples plans.
They would adjust their own plans, about what to do about other genders plans.
Some genders are just down right dangerous to traditional society, you know?
I wonder what Perez Hilton would think. (Actually, I wouldn't wonder about that at all...)
Should I be making better gender plans for myself?
I'm not sure I can worry about it in a non-binary way.
I do worry what genderphobes will want my life to be.
I can't plan around their gender factors, though.
I don't think I can hold any future plans hostage that way.
I think I just react in a non-binary way to things, that's all.
I just don't want to plan around it.
I want my future plans to,... just be.
Ativan
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
It doesn't really. I am considering living as a male full time for awhile to see how it goes as an experiment, but that's about it and it's not a concrete plan as of yet.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
I am not one of life's great makers of plans.
Quote from: Pica Pica on June 25, 2012, 12:25:38 PM
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
I am not one of life's great makers of plans.
This. My only plan is to graduate college by the time I turn 25, and that doesn't have much to do with gender.
I have found that, for every ocean liner with a destination, there are thousands of corks like me, just bobbing along with the current.
Mine is mainly to stay alive so I can keep seeing and hearing the things I love and be with the people I adore. My other plan is to keep writing till I can make a living out of it...so I can then stay alive to see and hear the things I love and be with the people I adore, by doing the thing I most love doing.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
I don't think it does. Future plans: retire in one year, work on private practice dog and cat training/behavior work.
--Jay Jay
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
Androgynous: To many people this means someone impossible to gender. To others it is the adjectival form of androgyne. I prefer a duel definition of androgyne to fit the second definition. As in, I have an androgyne gender identity, rather than androgynous gender identity.
The most problematic terms though, are the ones that don't exist. Non gender specific forms of him/her his/hers and he/she.
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
Personally, I don't like the words "passing" and "presenting" because they sound like they imply pretending and I don't like that. Are there other words to use instead?
Other than that, it's not so much the words as how they are used.
Quote from: Pica Pica on June 25, 2012, 03:41:06 PM
Mine is mainly to stay alive so I can keep seeing and hearing the things I love and be with the people I adore. My other plan is to keep writing till I can make a living out of it...so I can then stay alive to see and hear the things I love and be with the people I adore, by doing the thing I most love doing.
P.P. you need to be a movie, theatre, or literature reviewer/critic!
(Notice: I spelled "theatre" your way)
I also hate the passing or presenting words.
I feel like it consumes wayyy too much time for transfolks but realizing the implications of not passing how could it not?
Quote from: agfrommd on June 26, 2012, 06:11:00 PM
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
Androgynous: To many people this means someone impossible to gender. To others it is the adjectival form of androgyne. I prefer a duel definition of androgyne to fit the second definition. As in, I have an androgyne gender identity, rather than androgynous gender identity.
Re: Difference between androgyne *Identity* and androgynous *expression*
« Reply #3 on: October 02, 2011, 11:02:51 pm »
Just remember that androgynous is an expression of appearance.
You can look androgynous and not be Androgyn
You can be Androgyn and not look androgynous
If You are Androgyn and look androgynous, you don't.
You then look androgyn. Which can have a look of androgynous, but it isn't.
Ativan
19)What terms in the cisgender, LBGT, or trans* community are problematic?
Back to journaling on this:
Oh boy, so many, so little space. I really don't care for the term "androgyne". It sounds so much like "androgynous" that I think many people think it is one and the same. OTOH, other terms have their own limitations, and I haven't found one I really like. I think it is a problem that there is no androygne pronoun. Okay I realize there are the constructed pronouns (hir, zer, ze, etc). Most people are just not going to use them. And there are is the singular "they". I think the later is confusing. I realize there is some correct use of "they" otherwise, but I get confused if it is used in a sentence.
There are several words that cause concern and I mostly agree with them included here but not limited to: passing, stealth, even cisgender (don't you suppose some macho guys hear that word and think "I'm no sissy gender". :))
Day 19
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
I personally don't mind the terminology, unless people try to use it as a weapon.
For instance, ">-bleeped-<" and "she male" are two terms that cause some distress.
If someone called me a "she male," I'd say, "Thanks, I'm trying!" ;)
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
I've never been very religious, and being genderqueer hasn't changed that.
But seeing how some of the mainstream religions in this are have used hate toward the queer community to unite their congregations has really lowered those denominations in my esteem.
Quote
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
No. For the record, I'm a Budhistic-Christo-Pagan.
My Zen teacher advised me that transition was not attachment to preference, but pursuing my true nature. In various Pagan traditions, changing sex isn't anything out of the ordinary. My church has been tremendously supportive and encouraging during my transition.
I guess a change is in the works, though. After my legal name change is done, I'm going to have my ex-wife, an ordained minister, baptize me.
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
Actually, yeah I'd say so. I had gone from paganish to "omg my nuts" to "ok I'm ok" and now this gender thing has thrown me back to "omg I'm nuts." That's a problem because it makes me unhappy.
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
I have, but it was before anything gender-y came up in life. I used to be a practicing Lutheran, but sort of dropped that sometime between First Communion and Confirmation. Now I'm an agnostic pantheist with a love for the ritual and liturgy of the Catholic church.
My mom's been Lutheran my entire life, and she still occasionally gives me a "Jesus loves you even if you're trans" talk. She means well.
Day 20
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
No, my training is in the geological sciences. I am able to separate by personal spiritual beliefs from religious dogma and irrational thought.
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
Not really. I haven't been going to church for several years, but when I did I went to the United Church of Christ. They are a very liberal church. It wouldn't be any kind of issue.
--Jay Jay
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
I have a very hard time keeping a straight face and not laughing when people are 'discussing' religion.
Ativan
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were genderqueer?
The bad: I began struggling with self hatred because of the fear that this is not real and that I am stupid fake.
I(guy) am often uncomfortable with me ever being female.
Confusion makes me feel uncomfortable.
The good: Gender euphoria felt really good.
I stopped feeling like I needed a male to complete me because I am the male.
Quote from: Edge on June 28, 2012, 07:23:21 AM
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were genderqueer?
Like Edge, good and bad.
The good is that I can let myself feel and do things that I was resistant to like cry at movies and little feminine behaviors. It's helped me know part of myself better, because all the little genderquirks that I've gotten used to can now be seen to fit into a genderqueer whole that makes more sense.
The bad is that I'm seeing myself do things I would never in a million years do and I feel like I don't know myself anymore at all. I looked at feminine jewelry and clothing and thought how much fun it would be to put together a "look". This from someone who never had a fashion-conscious thought in his life.
I literally stopped short in my tracks and had to ask "who IS this guy?"
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
I too have a very itchy relationship to the term 'androgynous'. When pressed too hard it seems to imply that all andros are skeletal, cold people who wouldn't know how to smile if they won a thousand pounds while watching all their heros in a revue show and being fellated by the person of their choice. As a warm, cuddly, smiley chub of a person - I find talk of androgynity that focusses on androgyny to be very alienating.
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
Not because of this, no. I am actually an atheist child of a minister who spent their teen years growing up in a seminary. I still have a lot of respect for the possible social and psychological good that religion can give (in particular the more liberal forms of Christianity, but that's what I know better). I love religious art, and even some religious writing but it is too clearly human in conception and expression to be an image of God.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were genderqueer?
I am more confident and less cocky. I am not ashamed of the parts of me that don't fit, because now all the parts of me do fit. They fit into an androgyne identity.
Day 21
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were genderqueer?
I use this definition:
Genderqueer (GQ ; alternatively non-binary) is a catch-all term for gender identities other than man and woman, thus outside of the gender binary and heteronormativity.
I think I began to realize my "non-heteronormativity" when I was a young teen. I thought, at the time, there was something wrong with me. It has only been in the last couple of years that I have truly embraced my genderqueer nature. I am at greater peace being me, though I still struggle to cope with the pull of the seemingly opposing forces within.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were genderqueer?
I think I'm more confused re: what this all means. But I also feel this explains things that I never understood about myself before, so I guess that part feels good and makes pieces slide together.
--Jay Jay
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were genderqueer?
At first I became more depressed than I had been before. Once I figured out was non-binary I figured out why I felt like an alien and why I was so uncomfortable in my body, and I knew what I had to do to "fix" it (top surgery), but it seemed so far out of my reach. Once I got a date set for surgery, even before it took place, I started to feel much happier and more comfortable.
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
Romantically, I think the word for it is demiromantic, which is a bit controversial, but it describes my experience: that I have to have some sort of personal connection to a person before I feel for them romantically. Generally it takes me at least a year of being friends with a person before I begin to fall for them. Sexually, attraction can happen much faster. And for both, I like men, but not exclusively.
22. What are your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
I'm technically pansexual, but I don't like the term. There are certain things that make people attractive to me and those things happen to be regardless of gender. Actually, I haven't had any sort of real romantic or sexual attraction in about two years (not counting fictional characters), so the question is kind of moot at this point.
I like women mostly, I get on with them better and find them more attractive but I also like being cared for by a man.
Quote from: Edge on June 29, 2012, 01:33:32 PM
22. What are your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
My sexual orientation probably helped mask my gender problems. As a male-bodied person who really was only attracted to females, it was hard to separate sexual/romantic interest from identification. I always assume the reason why the women were the most interesting people in the room (or the bookshelf / box office / CD rack) was because I found them attractive.
It also is an issue when I think about transition. My wife, being a straight female, will have little interest married to someone who presents female.
Day 22
22. What are your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
Though I am not really sure what "pangendered" means, as used in this topic (by Edge), that may be a good term for me. in the past, I have described myself as "bigendered and bisexual," but I am feeling more uncomfortable with those labels. In fact, as this topic has progressed, I am feeling uncomfortable with all labels!
I have a soulmate to whom I am devoted. I need not speculate about any other romances at this point in my life.
And let me add here, how thankful I am for those of you who are participating in this topic. It seems like every post is giving me a new perspective, or something else to consider on this weird, wacky journey that is me.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 29, 2012, 06:00:12 PM
Though I am not really sure what "pangendered" means, as used in this topic (by Edge), that may be a good term for me.
Someone came up with the word "pansexual" to include attraction to all genders including non-binary ones. In all honestly, it's pretty much the same as bisexual since most people who use the term bisexual mean the same thing.
Thanks, Edge. Much appreciated.
Terminology ::)
22. What are your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
I'm asexual. (Which means that I have no attraction.) While there are more female asexuals than males (I think, not sure re: that one), I wonder, as I have heard about the drive coming from T, how someone would not "stick" attraction on someone with this kind of drive. I've never had that sort of drive.
As for being genderqueer, androgyne, or am I maybe ftm, well not sure. Nothing has changed so far. I know of a person on tumblr who is is an androgyne, is asexual, and taking T. He (is FAAB) says more or less that it is a wild ride.
--Jay Jay
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
Short answer: no to all three, haha. ::) It makes me very uncomfortable.
Long answer: I'll answer questions from friends, though I don't get them very often. I don't really talk about gender IRL with people who aren't close to me. Online, I'm more likely to answer questions from people I know less well. Unless the acquaintance or stranger is just being a dickbag wanting to know what parts I have, in which case I will gladly tell them to go f*ck themself.
Quote from: Julian on June 30, 2012, 11:41:02 AM
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
Yes to all three. I'm a schoolteacher by trade. Educating people is in my blood. I'm more than happy to educate anyone who is curious. Even people who ask rude questions, I'd take a crack at explaining why their question is rude.
I'm more concerned about the people who don't ask, who just assume.
I answer questions when asked, but I prefer to show by my actions and such rather than tell with my words.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
I don't feel comfortable by any means, but I also have difficulty stopping myself from talking about myself.
Quote
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
I don't have any discomfort with friends. With acquaintances, it depends on the acquaintance and the question.
I haven't yet been asked such questions by strangers, so I'm not sure how I'd react. I think I'd it to be a bit invasive, though, if it was a stranger.
Day 23
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
Other than my wife, I have never had to field question of this type in real life.
When I was much younger (teenager), I was kidded about my body morphology. On a rare occasion I reacted violently.
Today, I would handle it differently.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
I guess not, since I have only told a couple people, both friends. I am very happy to answer questions and so on. Now though the question isn't disclosure but *answering questions*. Though with one exception, nobody has just come out and asked "well what's the deal with this?" So I haven't volunteered what was never asked. The one exception, when she asked the question, I was happy to answer.
I can't imagine being asked by an acquaintance and esp not a stranger.
--Jay Jay
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
Strained my marriage. My wife is having trouble getting the whole transgender thing, and is scared (rightly) about where it might lead.
My friends have been a bit more understanding, but it kind of consumes me these days so I've tried to stay away from the topic, lest I bore them into flight.
Quote
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
My marriage ended, but at least my wife doesn't hate me.
My daughter and I are closer now, it seems.
It seems that most women who knew me as David have completely embraced me as Connie, and I feel like they're initiating me in the Women's Mystery Cult.
Some men, though, seem a little more distant.
Day24
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
Not yet, at least. I am not being questioned so much about the physical changes, especially with the side effects of the medications I am on. But people have notice a change in my demeanor and attitude.
"What are you so happy about?" is a question I hear more and more these days.
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
Well I don't think it has changed in some respect, but I have found myself a lot more preoccupied and introverted. It probably hasn't really helped my relating to people much.
The two cisgender people I have told are very supportive. But I have picked who I told. I think I am going to come out to some more people.
--Jay Jay
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
It hasn't. Although I am out to my friends, they completely ignore it and keep referring to me as female. That annoys me even when I'm female because I feel ignored.
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
It hasn't really. The people who know all still love me the same.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship
Hrm. My first crush on someone other than a man was Kari Byron from the Mythbusters. My first queer real-life crush was a girl from high school I ended up sort-of dating the summer after I graduated. Both of these were before my gender issues really came up. Post-gender-issues, I've mostly been interested in straight men, but in attending a tech school I was surrounded by straight men; that was all I had access to. :P
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
I am a more positive person and as a result people are more inclined to listen to my opinions on things, either that or they think I am a cock-eyed optimist, though I'm finding that better than being the mopey sulker I was through most of university.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship
Well, as an andro, I'd presume a queer crush would be on another andro as boys and girls are equally opposite. I've yet to crush on an andro (or knowingly do so). If, as I suspect it does, it means the yawn boring issue of fancying another male-bodied soul, I suppose I would have to say it was when I was eleven and there was this boy called Andrew. He was a few years older than me, his dad was my dad's principal (my dad went to college in his early 40s) and we lived in his roof. He wasn't attractive but I found his arrogance very appealing.
Quote from: Julian on July 02, 2012, 11:44:40 AM
25) Your first queer crush or relationship
I'll say Gina Schock, lesbian drummer of the Gogos. I'll call it a queer crush because it was her genderbending that attracted me. She took on what had been up until then an almost exclusively male role.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship
I'm not sure what counts as queer. My first crush on a female-bodied person was former best friend. Although I did ask her out, we never actually went out on a date and kissing her felt wrong (like I was kissing my sister not because she was female. I have enjoyed kisses with other females. Just not ones I have a previous close, but platonic relationship with same as with guys).
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
In a weird way they struggled with the tomboyish/queerness more than the transsexual/transition part. They expected me to end up as something that I didn't. But they got over it.
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
Definitely.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
Stuff that's rigidly gendered like forms or bathrooms I go with female. Stuff that's less rigid like clothes shopping I just go wherever I like.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
I don't understand the question? Do they mean queer media that I connect with? Autostraddle is my favouritest.
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
I guess they mean when people gender you in a way that you aren't comfortable with? I mostly ignore it. "Ma'am," "miss" and "lady" come with being perceived as female and I can't really do anything about it. On the very rare occasions I get male pronouns or "sir," they inevitably correct themselves do to my face/voice, so I don't have to do anything.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
In every way and in no way? I mean, that's like asking "how does who you are affect your future plans?"... Uh?
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
Hahaha... you want a list? But it would be. So. Long. Omg. How about I pick some favourites?
I hate "mtf" (and "ftm") with a burning passion as they imply the old stupid boy to woman, girl to man garbage that I hope someday to see the end of. I despise the use of transgender, transsexual or trans as nouns, as I find it terribly dehumanizing. "Gold star" is such a nauseating hierarchical concept that I almost want to sleep with a bloke out of sheer spite. And using a reclaimed slur for anyone without their consent makes you a horrible person. Period. When someone tells you something hurts and asks you to stop, decent people stop. Ergo if you fail to stop you are a horrible person. No more stupid excuses.
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
No. I never acquired one of those.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I feel more "other" which I don't like. I feel less like I have to justify being "other" which I like.
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
I like girls. And no.
...
Okay, maybe that's too easy. I've wondered if I might be marginally bi sometimes. Like a 5 rather than a 6 on a Kinsey Scale. I don't find guys repulsive, just not terribly interesting. I don't know. It's possible. And it seems more possible now? Maybe just because well... it's sort of easy for someone perceived as female to sleep with a bloke.
That and I'm a shallow narcissist with a fragile ego. I like being wanted, and it doesn't always matter by who.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
Yes. No. Absolutely not.
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
Well, I'm a more functional person now. So pretty much all my relationships have improved. Except...
25) Your first queer crush or relationship
My relationship with my ex. It was pre-transition, though she knew what I was well before we got together. It was complicated.
Also, I'm back. Yo.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship?
I'm not sure this topic is relevant to me, given that I am asexual.
--Jay Jay
Day 25
25) Your first queer crush or relationship
Paul McCartney - the cute Beatle
Hi Sarah! Missed you.
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
Clothes both are and are not an indication of my gender. I own and wear a wide variety, but my gender stays constant. That said, most of the outfits I put together have a little touch of hard-femme or androgyny, both to indicate my identity and simply because I like those styles.
My clothes mainly reflect the situation I'm in. I wear cargoes (spellcheck says that -es is right, but it doesn't look right) when I need to carry a bunch of things, but not enough to carry a handbag or messenger bag. I have friends who dress really femme, and I'm just more comfortable going out with them if I femme it up a little too. I wear camisoles and really short women's shorts when it's really hot out, and longer men's shorts when it's less hot.
I guess my presentation is really adaptive and fluid, but my gender is less so.
Quote from: Julian on July 03, 2012, 01:46:16 PM
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
They don't exactly reflect my gender. There is a lot more to me than that. It's more like... gender is a small piece of the various things that my clothes reflect.
My style is also evolving. I've only really been dressing as I like for a year. And I've found I really like clothing and playing with how I look, though unfortunately I still hate shopping for the clothes.
I definitely shy away from wearing a lot of particularly masculine or feminine clothing, as they'd tend to signal things about me that would be inaccurate. And I don't much like how that stuff looks on me. And it just make me randomly uncomfortable - like I'm playing dress up. I'm definitely into the "cold skeletal androgyny," though I have been known to smile on the rare occasion.
Quote from: Jamie D on July 03, 2012, 04:29:07 AM
Hi Sarah! Missed you.
I like being missed! I mean... missed you too. ;)
Quote from: Julian on July 03, 2012, 01:46:16 PM
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
They don't.
For work I wear shirt and tie because I want to be respected by my students and colleagues. Rest of time I dress as comfortably as I can get away with. I've never had the nerve to dress the slightest bit fem or genderqueer.
And I've never had a fashion conscious thought in my life. That's one of the reasons why, when I found myself thinking how much fun it would be to put together a "look" for myself as a women, I took that as a sign that my sanity is headed seriously off the rails.
If I could describe my clothing style as anything, I'd describe it as attempting to look like a favourite, rumpled book.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fandrogyne.weebly.com%2Fuploads%2F3%2F3%2F1%2F9%2F331937%2F5881377.jpg&hash=175622daf5cde3a96039c46d2426334acade9969)
=
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fus.123rf.com%2F400wm%2F400%2F400%2Falan64%2Falan641104%2Falan64110400382%2F9391048-an-old-book-with-a-crumpled-sheet-and-hardcover-isolated-on-white-background.jpg&hash=a2e225a39a17e2467b5bebc3c1653a4f2131a345)
Books are neither male nor female.
Day 26
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
My favorites are my jeans and T-shirts. I mean, how genderless is that?
I will say, I am looking into jeans with a more female fit, due, in part to some growth in the glutes. Brighter colors too, seem to suit my fancy. And I only use my neckties anymore as wrist and ankle restraints. >:-)
Quote from: Sarah7 on July 03, 2012, 02:19:23 PM
I like being missed! I mean... missed you too. ;)
Kidder. ;D
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
Well of course this is *presentation* and not actually gender. Sometimes my clothes have more reflected my discomfort with my female shape (more or less to covering it up). Right now my presentation is pretty male (more so in public). I wear button down short sleeve shirts, pants (like cargo pants), and my cap.
--Jay Jay
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender.
I mostly try to look male lately in the hopes that male me is acknowledged, but what clothes I wear doesn't always reflect what gender I am at the time.
What happened? Suddenly this mighty thread fell silent? I mean, how bad can #27 be. Let's see:
Quote27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
Oh. Hmm. Well. Um.
Okay, someone has to break the ice.
Caution: Don't read my poem if you can't handle people making light of transgender.
An original limerick by Andy G.:
The trans man became quite dismayed
At the ample breasts he displayed.
The trans woman calls,
"I'm getting tired of my balls,
Perhaps we could arrange some sort of trade."
Well, you asked for it...
Quote from: agfrommd on July 04, 2012, 09:18:34 PM
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
Crafting
With saw
and scalpel
I am
slit
apart
and with stitches and scars sewn together.
Nose to toes,
tits to ass
– I reclaim every
precious
inch
of flesh.
Oh brother.
Can we lock this thread now before it gets too campy?
Day 27
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer.
R-rating warning
There once was a tran' from Nantucket
Who looked at her junk and said "f*ck it!"
If I can't off this cock
With the strike of a rock
I'm booking a flight down to Phuket.
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer.
There once was a lady named Venus,
Who got a very large........
sorry sorry :)
--Jay Jay
Once you start ..
you MUST finish!
I am no poet, but here is a whack.
I'm a prose kinda person, more of a hack.
I can churn out the odd set of rhyming lines
And describe a pretty wood with fresh pines.
But not such a wood is the androgyne forest, it's windy and it's dark
Strange animals make sounds in the nights and the trees have scratchy bark.
And in the forest dwell, a bunch of unicorn
Some wake up in the night and some wake in the morn.
Some are pink and some are blue and some are ultramarine
Some have not colour at all, some dirty, some clean.
And I am one of them, swishing me mane and tail.
My life it is now pretty good, even if me poem's a fail.
Genius!
Day 28
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
My wife and children have enriched my life beyond description.
But let's talk about here.
We have over 7,000 members and I have probably interacted with, maybe, 1,000 of them. Just a guess. I think I have learned from every single one.
Two administrators, Forum Admin and Z, have been exceptionally good mentors, and have bailed me out of more than one goof up.
The entire moderator corps are very dedicated people. Although, Cindy James and her branding iron stands out. I overlap VM, SL, Dev, and Connie quite a bit. They are always there to answer my dumb questions.
I find Sephirah to be exceedingly compassionate and wise.
The members of the androgyne community, many of whom are on this thread, are people who are teaching me things about myself I never knew were there.
The bloggers are a special group as well.
I want to especially thank the teens and young adults were have here. Interacting with you, and trying to figure out what makes you tick, makes me feel young again. (Although, most of you will agree that I am hopelessly out of date and stuck in a past era, and that you humor me.)
This is a great community, full of great people. And thank you to Ms L, who made it all happen.
Quote from: Jamie D on July 06, 2012, 01:04:24 AM
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
Lots of people... Sorry, I guess this question doesn't really interest me - too general.
Quote from: Jamie D on July 06, 2012, 01:04:24 AM
(Although, most of you will agree that I am hopelessly out of date and stuck in a past era, and that you humor me.)
Of course we don't think that, /patpat. ;D
Quote from: Sarah7 on July 06, 2012, 06:29:19 AM
Lots of people... Sorry, I guess this question doesn't really interest me - too general.
Going from seeing him 2-3 a week to once every couple of months is seriously going to suck.
Can you set up regular times each week to Skype? Not the same as in person, but you stay a big part of each other's lives.
When you think about it, 21st century is not as bad a time to live apart from people close to you.
Quote from: Sarah7 on July 06, 2012, 06:29:19 AM
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
Kids, yes, and wife, who's put up with a lot from me.
One very close in-person friend who's been with me thick and thin. A wonderful pen pal who takes the time to email me nearly once a day.
And, of course, as Jamie said, dozens of people on Susan's boards who give me supportive comments and helpful information daily.
During the school year, there are also a hundred students who inspire me by giving their all in my classroom every day.
Quote from: Sarah7 on July 06, 2012, 06:29:19 AM
Of course we don't think that, /patpat. ;D
LOL
"You've got to be cruel to be kind." - Nick Lowe, 1979 ::)
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
My two cats and my dog. (Ok, they are people too!) My best friend who totally accepts all this. My friends and acquaintances here (esp. one or two that I have a closer relationship with). Susan's generally, and one or two people over at Laura's. My dog training people over on FB. I've really begun to appreciate the Trans* center in my city.
--Jay Jay
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
My son, obviously. I don't like this question though since it is too simplified. There are many people who have made my life both better and worse. There are people, real and fictional, who I take ideas and inspiration from. The list would be extremely long anyway because, as hokey as it sounds, we all have the ability to make each others lives better. For example, food makes my life better. People grow the food, deliver the food to stores, and sell the food to me. All of them therefore make my life better. It's the same with everything else from basic needs to entertainment to making the world more beautiful.
Day 29:Some positive Genderqueer experiences
Meeting and corresponding with someone who (so far) IDs like I do. Going to groups and meeting at the trans* center, and meeting people who ID as gq and genderfluid. Discussions on Susan's.
--Jay Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on July 07, 2012, 10:43:53 PM
Day 29:Some positive Genderqueer experiences
I actually *love* forming the kind of friendships that being mix-gendered allows me. They are so much more supportive and close than the friendships I see cis males manage. Spent a few hours on the phone last night with a great friend talking about ourselves and our lives. Don't hear about cis males doing that a lot.
Quote from: agfrommd on July 08, 2012, 08:00:27 AM
I actually *love* forming the kind of friendships that being mix-gendered allows me. They are so much more supportive and close than the friendships I see cis males manage. Spent a few hours on the phone last night with a great friend talking about ourselves and our lives. Don't hear about cis males doing that a lot.
I hear about that all the time, they're called gay men! ^-^
29) Some positive genderqueer experiences.
I met the school councillor at my college because she began a queer group. It ended up only being the two of us, so we ended up talking more about gender and bisexuality. She has so far been the only person in real life who understands and is fine with me being genderfluid. She has a lot of advice and understands what I'm going through.
I'm still trying to write a poem. :( It's not working.
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
There are hundreds of people. I am lucky that wherever I go, I find interesting people who are good to spend time with. I've given up being scared of being lonely.
29) Some positive genderqueer experiences.
It's hard to answer because there aren't many experiences that are gender-focused, be you man, woman or androgyne. I suppose the first time someone said something I had done was 'pretty' was nice.
Day 29
29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences
Interacting with the fine people at Susan's Place, of course! :) :D ;D
Day 30
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
Well, it took us 33 days to reach the end of the challenge. Not too bad.
I am going to make this a sticky (permanent post), so that future readers can chime in.
What does genderqueer mean to me? It means coming to grips with the raging conflicts that are ongoing in my head. That's where genders can be found - at least for me.
It also means I have an obligation to try to better understand those who do not fit, or subscribe to, the gender binary. And to be more sympathetic and empathetic to those who are questioning their gender, as I questioned mine over the years.
Quote from: aleon515 on July 07, 2012, 10:43:53 PM
Day 29:Some positive Genderqueer experiences
Meeting someone who made me feel rather less unique, and thus somewhat less crazy.
Quote from: Jamie D on July 10, 2012, 02:34:36 AM
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
Accepting certain things about me are fine as they are, aren't broken, and don't need to be fixed.
Quote from: Jamie D on July 10, 2012, 02:34:36 AM
Day 30
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
The good:
I love having a female heart, appreciation of the emotional side of life, and the ability to understand both sides of the gender divide. I would HATE to be a cis male.
The bad:
My body doesn't tell the story of my gender, and, despite intense soul searching, I have not come up with any satisfactory way to tell it myself. I can't imagine going through life with people not being able to see my gender by looking at me, but I also can't think of anyway to avoid that.
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
When this merry-go-round started some 3 months ago or so, I had no idea that there were not just two genders. You know you were male or female and in some rare (1 of 1000++ cases) somebody was born in the "wrong body". I "knew" at this time that there were many more men who became women than the other way. It did not in any way have anything to do with me in the slightest. I had no idea that you could be both, neither, or something else entirely. I didn't know taht you question your gender and especially that you could question that there was gender at all.
What genderqueer means to me is just how much I didn't know.
Thanks all for playing along. This has been fun and interesting to see what people will write.
--Jay Jay
30) What does genderqueer mean to you?
I don't really know what to say. Some days, I like the term because something that literally means gender weird seems to fit. Some days, I hate it because some people who follow the social fads also use it to describe themselves and I don't want to be confused with those idiots.
As for how I feel about my gender, I don't like it. I want to be able to have one gender and stick with it. I would if I had a choice. This may sound contradictory to what some people believe, but I feel trapped because of the fluidness.
What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
My legs and long curly hair. i use to put on my Daisy Dukes and head to the mall. Girls would point and giggle and i just got a complement from a woman on my curls. She was enviousness. I love it :D
I haven't posted since the first one a while ago, I kind of forget in my lurking to actually post stuff. :embarrassed: I've started posting my answers to the 30 day challenge in my new blog http://delicatemasculinity.blogspot.ca/ (http://delicatemasculinity.blogspot.ca/), so if anyone wants to read them go right ahead. Though I warn you, I'm a real oddball. :) And I'm very open about everything I write, so a little caution in advance.
Quote from: aleon515 on June 05, 2012, 11:40:06 PM
This is a pretty interesting "self-awareness" activity. Might be interesting to compare notes if anyone is interested in this.
It applies very much to people who don't wish to use this term.
The concept is that each day you take a different question and answer it.
http://genderqueerid.com/post/19662297051/30-day-genderqueer-challenge (http://genderqueerid.com/post/19662297051/30-day-genderqueer-challenge)
--Jay Jay
Ooo! I wanna join! :D Okay so I'm late to join this but I'll do the daily progression as well. I'm excited!
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I just began applying Androgyne, Genderqueer, and Two-Spirit to myself. :)
Okay, here we go, day 2! :)
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
I actually was one of those girls who was a 'tomboy' but who hated sports, lol. I liked pants and legos, Star Wars toys, sci-fi and fantasy, poetry (loved Poe above all others), hated dresses, but then sometimes had Barbies (they would become Jabba the Hut's slave women, hahaha!), loved horses...
I never really fit in with other girls and didn't enjoy dress up but DID enjoy hanging out with boys and boy games like chase (as long as no one tackled me, I didn't like being touched), board games, computer games (especially later when we got past the BASIC days of games on cassette tape!). I did have an enormous collection of stuffed animals that was my pride and joy as well.
My mother only sometimes stuck me in dresses but otherwise was very understanding and open to whatever I had an interest in playing with, which I find very fortunate. She loved legos for the creativity aspect and one thing my parents were great about was letting us explore things on our own. If we wanted a toy, well, that was a maybe, but if we wanted a book, it was almost a sure thing that we'd get it without too much pushback.
You can do more than one day at a time!
My mother never stuck me in dresses.
Of course, I was male-bodied. ;) Too bad!
Haha, well, you know, I'm trying to pace myself.
You know, I'm more open to wearing them now but I am SUPER omg picky about them!
I just feel way more comfortable in jeans or cargo pants, I don't even wear shorts!!! I feel weird about my knees and my upper things need serious work.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
I'll be honest, the term 'gender>-bleeped-<ing' seems unnecessarily aggressive to me. However, if by upsetting it's intended to mean how I personally act like myself and, without deliberately looking to cause provocation to others, and just 'shake things up', then that's more like it.
I just want to act like myself, that's it. Yes, sometimes I feel awkward, but no I don't expect everyone to understand/accept me. Then again, I've never expected that at all, people are different and that's okay. :)
As far as ways that I 'am' that happen to go against gender norms, I think these are becoming less and less uncommon. Being female who sometimes wears guys' clothing isn't really a big deal honestly. I don't think my presentation gives anyone a second thought except maybe 'she's a little tomboyish'. I wear t-shirts made for guys (common), I wear jeans or cargo pants most of the time (also super common), I wear clompy boots sometimes (not necessarily common but far from super unusual), and although I might curse a little more than some women and be a little more dominant or assertive, I don't really see this as...unusual? I guess? LOL.
This is an interesting question because when I saw that last term it actively provoked worry in me. I don't LIKE upsetting other people. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I've never honestly worried SUPER much about the perception of others, not exactly. I'm just more recently figuring out that it's not so much that I've been worried about what they thought (though yes, sometimes our self-esteem kicks in and beats us down certainly) but more that I was worried about what I thought of myself.
I'll go out, far more comfortable dressed down and not wearing anything remotely 'feminine' and then I'll hang out with a few girlfriends and find myself envious of how pretty/lovely/feminine they look. Am I comfy? Physically, I guess, but emotionally? No. Clearly there's something I feel is missing there for me...something else I want/need.
Wow, this made me talk a lot. :) Good question!
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
Tegan and Sara, Melissa Etheridge, Ellen Degeneres, a lot actually. I always admire people who remain true to themselves.
Not a lot for this one. :)
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I use genderqueer or gender-neutral to explain my gender. When I say that I'm either of those, they do tend to ask, "Why not just call yourself bisexual, it's the same thing, right?". Which can get pretty tiresome, if you ask me.
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
Uhm I just felt like I really didn't fully fit in the mold defined by society as feminine and masculine.But I guess I hated things associated with femininity just a bit more. I just wore clothes that were tomboy-ish. There were times when I liked being called a boy.I liked playing with Power Rangers but I hated sports. I was a bookworm.
The thing is, I don't think I'll ever understand the value of make-up and why women wear such uncomfortable clothes.
1)Genderfluid, it just fits me perfectly. Sometimes girl, some times boy and sometimes both and anything between.
2)When I was little I wanted to be a boy. Only wore male clothing and hated anything girly. I remember saying that I wanted to be a boy at 4. Had mostly guy friends and loved cars and dinosaurs. Then I turned super girly, long hair and very colourful. Loved makeup and clothes. And then I just wore what I liked and found comfortable. And acted how I wanted without caring about what others thought.
3) I like acting and dressing in a way that doesn't mach. Being super feminine and hyper in hoodies and pants, and being rough and masculine in skirts and leggings.
4)RuPaul Charles and Graham Chapman. And some friends :>
5)I don't have much dysphoria. I'm not that fond of my chest though. It makes me feel down sometimes. And my height.
6)I didn't feel like female fit, but nor male or androgynous. And then last year or something I found out about gender fluid and it just fit me perfectly. Male, female and sometimes in between.
7)I love my healthy, thick hair and thin waist. I also love that I can eat whatever I want and not put on any weight. I kinda like being skinny :P
Quote from: Faun on November 14, 2012, 09:11:36 AM
Snip
6)I didn't feel like female fit, but nor male or androgynous. And then last year or something I found out about gender fluid and it just fit me perfectly. Male, female and sometimes in between.
7)I love my healthy, thick hair and thin waist. I also love that I can eat whatever I want and not put on any weight. I kinda like being skinny :P
#6 sounds very familiar to me!
#7 makes me jealous. It sometimes seems I could eat nothing at all and put on weight! I still need to lose 25 pounds by the end of the year. Good luck with that, huh!?
Quote from: Jamie D on November 14, 2012, 09:35:32 AM
#6 sounds very familiar to me!
#7 makes me jealous. It sometimes seems I could eat nothing at all and put on weight! I still need to lose 25 pounds by the end of the year. Good luck with that, huh!?
Metabolism is weird ;P I hope you reach your goal :D
I got past one hurdle - Halloween - with out too much "damage." Stayed even for the week.
But with Thanksgiving and the other holidays coming up, I have to keep in mind I could really blow all the progress with one pig-out!
Enjoy your holidays, though.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
A: Just two: non-binary and transgender. I'm not sure if I could use another term accurately enough to include it within my vocabulary. Plus, why stumble into a corner with a label? Maybe I'm just scared of finding a descriptive label...
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
A: I was always a tomboy. Played with the boys, got dirty with the boys. But clothing was always stereotypical female, dresses, skirts, ribbon, and lace.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
A: Blending stereotypes. Clothes, hair, make-up; things that can physically alter how someone will 'clock' you. Otherwise, when it comes to mannerisms (etc.), I just don't pay attention if it is a male or female behavior.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes.
A: Maybe it's my fault for not looking into this more, in the who's who in the transgender community. More often than not, I'm not specifically looking queer people but just people.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it.
A: Writing it out. If I have someone nearby, just talking about how I'm feeling seems to make things easier. I'm inadvertently social when it comes to my emotions.
Schu, I use my blog for fun stuff, but also as a place to work out some of my issues. "Writing it out" is a very effective way to do it. Some of our members keep journals and diaries.
I find that the input I receive from my friends here, many of whom are much further along than I am, provides me with plenty to think about.
The fun stuff helps me to feel more apart of the community too.
You can request your own blog after 50 posts. Mine is called "Jamie's World."
I was curious about the blogs; thanks for putting it into light.
I've never been that great at keeping journals, diaries just because there's the idea of continuously writing in the same place every time. Sounds silly, I know, but I just write on whatever I have. Napkins, magazine covers, random pieces of paper. Most of the time, I lose it and don't get a chance to look at it again. Other times, I do find it on some rainy day, and it reminds me how thankful I should be for the good days.
I think I'm game for this even though I'm rather late.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender? On any given day I'll use male, androgyne, or genderfluid or any combination thereof. It entirely depends on what I'm feeling though male leaning androgyne is what I have a tendency to use the most whenever it crosses my mind that I can explain more of how I feel that way.
2) How did you grow up with your gender? Honestly, I don't really know. I never focused on gender or anything that would be considered stereotypically of one gender. I liked a lot of the things that boys did and a lot of the things that girls did. I dressed how I wanted (thanks to a wonderful mom who saw no issue with that) and this could be anything from jeans to dresses and everything in between. I behaved how I wanted in terms of gender. Gender never even crossed my mind as a thing until puberty because I had never focused on it before in terms of identity and how I related to myself and other females, and because my body was changing in ways that were heavily disturbing to me because it just wasn't right for it to change that way.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender? I identify as male. Some people tend to take me as "crossdresser," and if I say I'm a male adrogyne, I get a lot of confused/dumb looks, and then I try again with "androgynous male." Not that I haven't fancied being able to fit into or fill out some of my dresses a little better, but I've generally grown to think it's more of a case where the clothes may have to be tailored more to fit me rather than the other way around, so I do still feel right as a man.
2) How did you grow up with your gender? Gender wasn't really important to me on an internal level, but I was scared about it a lot in the broader world. There were expectations for me, and some of them being male-specific bothered me. Granted, there were also a lot of female-specific rules that bothered me, and there were also general ruled I hated, but I wasn't really able to focus myself and create a proper "I hate" list. In retrospect, there were some rules that I hated back then that served a constructive purpose, but the gender-specific ones generally needed to apply to everyone (not just my gender or the "other" gender), and a lot of rules were also a lot worse than a first blush suggested. It's not to say I didn't break some gender expectations just by letting my personality take over (like letting nails grow out out of apathy, or not wanting to play sports much when I was little), but I was not standing my ground a lot -- although being a kid, I didn't really have the skills and power to properly do that.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing? I am going to qualify this question by saying I don't have an interest in "breaking the rules," but rather that I have things to do that happens to violate norms, and I shouldn't have to hold back for any rules that are unnecessary. I actually tend to be a little more pleasant and forgiving than normal when I am breaking the norms -- partly I do it to facilitate understanding and show where I'm covering from, but it is also easier to be kind to others when I am being kind to myself!
That said, the only gender bending thing I do that people particularly care about (and which takes the title of "favorite" by default) is wearing dresses (as well as the shoes and possibly the limited jewelry that comes with it). The ones I wear are generally quite soft and comfortable (compared to men's clothes of the same level of formality), and they can be quite beautiful (with a relatively simple touch). I tend to be overdressed when I wear them, but they are the clothes designated as "women's" I like most, so I try to make it work.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes. I think Eddie Izzard is influential as far as (1) not neatly settling into a CD stereotype and in fact pointing out certain nuances of how trends work, and (2) having things to talk about besides gender and showing himself to be a multi-dimensional human being. Generally I think in terms of ideas rather than people, so there may be others who have been influential, but I wouldn't remember who they are.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it. I use whatever means, although I broadly avoid drugs as an answer, as they can have other effects I can't anticipate or properly understand, and I'm worried about losing "me" in the process. I look for information that helps me understand, and I try to find things to do and places to go where I can be myself. I have taken a handful of psychology courses, and I have used Susan's message board as well! I should probably see a Gender Therapist (to fill in the gaps and smooth out the edges if nothing else), but it is tricky to see one without driving a ways.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer? I'm not really sure, because I think the evolution of my understanding of myself and this concept was a gradual one (starting from about as long as I can remember until a few months ago), so there isn't some singular moment I can point to. I also see the idea of gender roles (and their constraints) as being as a social problem more than a matter of my identity, so I generally think the idea isn't so much about me.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself? I don't play favorites, but my legs have been one of my strong points!
8 ) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community? I could say there are a number of boneheaded people in the community who are too sure of how being TG works and inappropriately judge or diagnose others, but there are obviously people out this realm who do the same thing, and the idea of people running to hasty conclusions about others and speaking too authoritatively is a general problem (not just limited to gender/sexuality issues).
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc. I attend a church where I can be myself, and I have come out to a variety of people in my life. The latter is a gradual process, but I'm at the point where there are more family/friends I am out to than not. I'm still not comfortable being myself in all areas important to me, so it remains a work in progress.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition? No, I'm fairly sure I'm more or less happy as a man (and an definitely not a woman). However, I do plan to undergo laser hair removal so I don't have to continue shaving, in part for time reasons, but partly because my skin doesn't hold up as well as I'd like while shaving.
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event. The first time I went to a GLBT-related gathering, the presumption is that people made was that the people there were gay or lesbian. When I did the same for a "gender association" to serve primarily transgender individuals, the first assumptions were transsexual and then crossdresser (which I don't feel right with, because I have no intention of wearing clothes for women, but rather that I want to wear these clothes that are nice but just happen to be designated for women). Male androgyne, gender nonconformist, these are more in-line with who I am, but since I was not the "default," I had to go to extra lengths to explain myself, and by that point I'm not any better off than going to a more-integrated "accepting" organization (like a UU church). There were some nice things going on at these meetings, but they weren't giving me much that I couldn't find somewhere else.
I've meant to start this when I joined. So here's my catch-up.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender? Well, sometimes (actually that's a lie) I end up getting confused about these things, myself, so I'm always shocked to see how clear it seems to come to everyone else. I usually go "I'm not male or female, mentally," but to someone else, I'd said "it's like being both at the same time, while still being neither" which again, confused me, but seemed to ring clear to him.
2) How did you grow up with your gender? I was a guy. I was born with a dick, I wasn't entirely into princess things, so I was a guy. Now that never stopped me from talking to girls in 3rd and 4th grade, seeming to feel something similar that they did (and I still do). I was always under the ignorant impression of gender and sex being the same thing, until I was told otherwise by a friend I had (see number 4). After alot of remembering things, I remembered A. Guys abhorred thinking about doing something girly, which I never really saw why, and B. always asked the question "is it manly enough" which I never really did, either. One of the big factors in all of this was that I watched Powerpuff Girls when it was on Cartoon Network, and when ONLY GIRLS WATCHED IT and loved it to bits. I still do. But sadly, I was the only one with the kind of mentality of "it's a show. It's a cool show" instead of "Fighting turtles = Boy, fighting girls = Girl". I guess a big indicator of this whole thing could have been that I never followed the "Cooties" game (not the building a bug one). However, at about 8th grade, I started to try and be something I wasn't. I did have fun in the process, but it ended up with a girl who I wanted as a friend completely turning away from me, because she thought I was a jerk (I had been to her, a couple years back), which I never wanted to be, and all the other guys were like "Dude, that's awesome!" ... Then we should also take in the fact that I found that my body works more similarly to a girl's than a guy's (Don't ask me why, or how. You'd be better off making pretzels out of sparkly powdered glue).
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing? Bronies. I >-bleeped-<ing love them. Yes, they can be creepy at times. But bear with me. They have that mentality I did when I was watching Powerpuff Girls: It's a show. It's a damn good show. It's not a case of "male" or "female". I will never watch Deadliest Catch or Desperate Housewives. Sorry. I'm just not that interested in either.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes. Hm... I distinctly remember a friend I had in high school who identified (probably still does) as bigender. She dated someone who also ended up identifying as bigender (don't know if that's the case, anymore). But either way, said friend really helped clear up alot of terminology that I was ignorant/confused about, as well as helped me through some of my own dysphoria.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it. HA! That's a good one. Most of the time, I fall asleep after a headache and just wish the dysphoria would simply go away. But it's like that dog that won't >-bleeped-<ing let go of your leg. It's coming back to me, I can feel it. But yeah, I just normally trudge through it. God, gender is such a goddamn paradox.
I have answered most of the questions, too. Actually more than once, but the first ideas are from summer and I'm guessing it'd be totally interesting to read them again some time.
But here's a link to my answers from today if someone wants to read: http://phoeniksprince.wordpress.com/2012/12/24/68/ (http://phoeniksprince.wordpress.com/2012/12/24/68/)
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer? Okay, I understand that this applies to everyone gender-neutral. Or non-binary. I kinda always subconsciously knew I wasn't entirely male. I mean.. I'd done some things, and thought about others that guys wouldn't ever dream of doing. But I knew for sure I wasn't a pony-princess girl, either. The first step towards the big "click" was me taking the COGIATI (Yes, I know. I've seen the reviews. I've seen the controversy) and receiving "Androgyne" as a score. I took it again the next morning (My mind is usually different when I post late, and when I post early) and landed a perfect 0, also in the "androgyne" category. I never was really put off by it. Just kinda had another pair of eyes open. I then went onto Deviantart, where I met a friend who had been struggling with dysphoria, or what seemed to be dysphoria, and he put me through his own little junk science stuff based on some research he did. The big "click" came shortly after, when I was told to shave my arms and legs. I did so, and felt that it was right; something that I needed to do, that I wasn't supposed to have that hair there. I knew from that point on that I was not in the binary.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself? Hm... My hair. I've been taking some pride in that. I've got zits, hair and scars everywhere else. so it's really hard for me to find anything else to like.
8 ) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community? Honestly, I haven't been around too many people in this area to judge.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Hm.. I've started to look more androgynous.. at least in my opinion (alot of other people say I look more "punk" due to the long hair), I've bought myself a couple shirts that deal with this, and I've told people the general idea.. The next person to contact is my doctor.. And I'm planning on writing a huge letter on that, taking from another fairly big letter to another person I came out to.
I've answered a lot of the answers, too! Whew, 30 questions, a lot!
They also are in my personal blog: http://soulfairer.com/2012/12/27/a-genderqueer-challenge/ (http://soulfairer.com/2012/12/27/a-genderqueer-challenge/)
Many of these could have "Why or why not?" added at the end, and for length sake pretend "or lack of gender" is added after every instance of the word gender (for the agender folks).
Adapted from the 30 day Trans challenge and the 30 day [GSM] challenge. I wanted something a little more personal.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
There are a lot of ways, it depends on with whom we're talking. Androgyne, tomboy girl, MtA, MtFtA, queer, genderqueer, etc.
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
Didn't. It wasn't a concern at all and I was grown in a fairly neutral house, so I didn't worry about it until at least when I was 24, 25 years old.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
Clothing. Still retain a male personality.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
Don't actually have dysphoria in the "proper" sense. I'd very much like to identify as a female, but I have not the urge to do so because it'll eventually happen. I am not really in the urge of becoming female or to really bend the world towards it, even that eventually it'll happen. It's a kind of natural process.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
Four years ago (2008).
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
A fairly neutral body. Controversially, my black hair (would love to have auburn or blonde hair at least to know what it is - maybe dyeing will happen in the future :) ). Skinny body that allows me wearing what I want.
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
People I consider friends already know. I did almost tell one who's not anymore of a friend, but that happens. I've chosen a name and some people already know it. I'm not in a rush to use the new name, though.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
HRT :)
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
I balance between being transgender or 'simply queer'. But lately the bodily changes demonstrated it's possible, so I'm gearing towards transgender. However, there are male traits (mainly personality) which I won't be giving up.
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
Didn't!
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
No, but I know people involved.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
I shop everywhere I see good clothes. There are nice man's clothes as well as ladies' ones. I use to shop at the young ones section, though. Haven't entered the ladies' bathroom yet, no trouble filling in forms.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
A lot of blogs (be them in wordpress, tumblr). They all are a good resource. Like tomboy/femme, >-bleeped-< yeah androgyny and so on.
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
I'm happy when people see a girl, but don't question when they don't.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
There –is– a plan. Well, some people around me embraced the idea and currently we're taking care of the details (who's gonna work and talk to customers? How'll be my next income? etc)
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
Any term involving the androgynes, because some people think they are 'too in the middle of the road' (no, the middle is a road) or they just can't decide for something (which we do, a lot more than a lot of people, because we have to strive in it).
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
No people I know are fanatic ones.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I now have a relationship with myself. :)
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
They aren'd affected by my gender. Though I like female-ish androgynes the best, followed by tomboy women.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
I'm. If they are interested in knowing what's really happening, I'm happy to share that.
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
It hasn't changed yet.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship
If I name names... :) but my first crush happened some ten years ago, as I knew the LGBT world (I know, I knew it too late).
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
My current clothes are gearing to the female spectrum, though they seem neutral (as I don't wear skirts, dresses, but I'm not really into them yet – who knows?).
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
You know, I know I'm just differ
Not from you or her, what for?
But I just cannot simply prefer
What I did live before.
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
A lot of people in online forums had given me enlightenment on many topics about gender issues. And I love reading and commenting through their stories, because we have many things to share. Offline, many friends have offered support, so I just may call myself lucky :)
29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences
Many people have mistaken me as female, and it feels nice, because it confirms what I've been doing. Don't really know about the streets, though, as I haven't done any serious test yet. Maybe next year. :)
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
It means that you may decide your fate. Be it that you are female, male, feminine, masculine, androgyne, agender, neutrois or a combination of any of these terms (or others) or all of them. You are the sole "owner" of your body and soul, and genderqueer is an important part in acceptance, let's say. People should be able to choose whether they are straight, gay, lesbians, queers, etc, etc, etc.
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender. It's complicated, because depending on one's definition for the word, I may or may not fit the term. The only reason I even have an "issue" is because society is acting dumb ("dumb" being a technical term meaning "acting suboptimally, usually by enforcing rules that lack a genuine benefit"), and I'd really rather chalk this up to society collectively having a personality disorder.
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it? I'm out to a slight majority (I think), and they're definitely mixed. Some are supporting, but most are frustratingly ambivalent and put more emphasis on risk-avoidance rather than showing whether they accept me or not.
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community? I use a TG message board every now and then, but I try to live as integrated of a "normal life" as I feel comfortable doing. I'll "be myself" at church and with a few others. "Community" type gatherings are tricky anyway, since my circumstances are not easily understood or related to by many people in groups which are TS-heavy or GL-heavy.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc. Since I'm a male-bodied male, I generally just go about my business, although I won't enter a dressing room with dresses if there is a lot of people loitering outside the dressing rooms.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly. There's Susan's, and I suppose Eddie Izzard, and... I think that's it!
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered? I usually issue a gentle but insistent correction, since it is understandable for people to "get it wrong."
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans? I am probably more inclined to seek out careers and communities where I am more likely to be safe and accepted.
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic? Too many to list. Even within "the community," CD can easily be misapplied to people who are simply androgynous, and TG is tricky because lots of people who have trouble finding a "group" may or may not be covered depending on how the word is defined. Queer and genderqueer are also vague, and people who identify as one or both can get lost in the shuffle. "Drag" (popular in "straight" and "gay" communities alike) can easily diminish people whose clothing choices don't conform but are nevertheless "played straight" (not for a gimmick). This is not even venturing deep into the cisgender world...
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion? I'm a UU agnostic who escaped the catholic church, but I am past most of the drama already.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer? I appreciate myself and understand a lot more about myself, but that's sort of a given.
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender? I'm probably heterosexual, with a small chance of pansexuality. My bio-sex matches my gender, so there wasn't too much drama there, but understanding the existence of genderless or alternate-gender individuals has encouraged me to reconsider who it is I can have attraction to.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers? Generally yes, although it bothers me if they're trying to "lead" me to their way of thinking. Family tend to be the most bothersome, maybe since strangers do not feel as "entitled" or "obligated" to approach me.
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed? It really depends on the person, although I'm generally more open and honest, even if means rocking the boat.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship. I dated someone for about three months who I was "out" to within a week or so of starting. I probably would have told her before dating, but she sprung the question on me out of the blue.
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender. Well, donning a dress once or twice a week doesn't seem like the "male" thing to do, but that's true to who I am (and I'd probably do it more often if I thought I easily could, although I definitely would not do it "full time"). I tend to be conservative in the amount of color and wear "thicker" fabric, so in that respect I'm stereotypically masculine. That said, this is all just stereotype, so I don't want to think to hard about it, other than to suss out subtle contradictions for the purpose of amusement.
I almost made it to the end, but I'm not really up for more just now.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
Hm.. I've grown my hair out, and dyed it a bit. Trying to look as androgynous as possible..
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
Uh.. here? Does that count?
Dunno if double-posting is okay.. I haven't for a few days, at least not in here. I'll add this to my last post if need be.
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender. I used to think what most people think: MtF or FtM. Then friend from question #4 came helped me understand it alot better by saying it was an umbrella term (I'd known what that was for awhile)
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it? Um.. I honestly don't know if they care. They don't seem to treat me any differently than before (which still means I get placed with the guys on vacations..)
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community? Um.. Sure? I haven't done anything huge, but I've created an OC that I built further upon with for part of Humanities that basically was my mirror for this stuff (hard to explain..)
15) How do you deal with gendered things? It's stuff. That's all my brain processes. Sure, I'll think necklace = female or hat = boy, but that's just the basics talking to me, again. Which I don't really know why they're like that.. Or why they ever were.
Starting all the way back at number one:
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I do like genderqueer and gender variant quite a bit, because I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I am, but I need something that marks me as something other than female. [I don't like labels or specific words very much, I think the actual experience means more; a lot of the time I say how I feel instead of using terms.] The terms that always fit are Ft?, dude (I love this word, it's accurate), and androgynous.
I've been lacking in the creative writing spirit, but I can't finish without #27, so I'll just power through in some way.
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of consciousness paragraph). The feeling is always there. Its expression may vary so wildly that others and maybe even we question if it is always there. Yet just as the egg, caterpillar, pupa, and butterfly may appear dissimilar, they are all the same. One may turn off the lights, put the living creature in a box, or do other things to hide the truth or to spite, but the truth is unchanged.
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness. There are a lot of people at church, of different ages, races, gender, sexual orientations, and so on who are very friendly, and we spend time talking about challenges in our lives. As much as our community prides itself on being accepting, there is still a lot we don't know about what each person/group experiences, but we work hard to be open to new experiences so we can keep learning and continue to accept others.
29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences. Without rehashing anything already listed, it is also positive to find new possibilities for what I can do or express that I may have been blind to before -- sometimes I end up settling into certain "masculine" or "feminine" or "neutral/mixed" things and think that certain other things won't work, but often changing the circumstance or putting a twist on it reveals a possibility I can really sink my teeth into. I've had a lot of trouble with "tops" before, but I've recently found that sleeveless tops that flare out (not unlike the dresses I tend to grab) have some potential. It's not a big deal for me (that I can tell), but it's a little exciting to find little things like this when I'm not so locked into the gender-typing involved. It's not that I'm not still worried about that sort of thing, but I'm much more adept at compartmentalizing, more capable of separating the "true me" from the "performance me" (and its variants).
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you? I don't have a really concrete idea of the word, because it gets used in many different ways (along with "Transgender"). There are some whose gender outright doesn't match the one assigned to them: this can be a case where someone is a TS or (seemingly the genderqueer case) where someone doesn't fit neatly into the gender identity binary (third gender, genderless, genderfluid, etc). However, genderqueer can be used as a label for one's expression -- this expression can be identity centered (something like "I'm this gender, but I'm more feminine/masculine variant" or "I'm an [X], but I'm not a [Y] type of X"), the expression can be taken in an absolute sense ("I like/do [insert gender counter-stereotype here]" without necessarily comparing oneself to the gender norm), and sometimes it's some of each. Genderqueer in this latter respect is a difficult one, because its existence may owe itself to social norms concerning sex/gender. As much as identity arises, the reason for its existence (at least in this latter group) may be because of injustices great and small committed against GQ individuals on the basis of their expression. Normalizing their standing in society may remove them from notoriety in much the same way that women wearing pants in the workplace are regarded as normal (not that this "freedom" extends to girls at prom and to females in general at various other formal gatherings -- not that pants can't necessarily be born, but it often still "stands out"). Yet despite this being the nature of the fight, it is still a social movement wholly worth doing.
I don't feel bad answering these all at once, seeing as others have done this as well. ;) Since I frequent so many different types of forums I doubt I'll be here often enough to answer these on more than one occasion.
Kinda drunk at this point, so don't mind my answers if they're confusing or completely out of left field. (Wow, is typing becoming hard...)
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Nope. I am what I am, and I don't really use labels to describe it. Heck, I don't even know what it is I would really call myself.
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
I grew up very tomboy, wishing I was male. However, I also always longed for the perfect female figure.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
...What?
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
Oh, lawd, Mashiro Ichijo of After School Nightmare. (S)he is my ultimate hero fictional hero(ine) of all time. Best. Series. Ever. Let me just say that.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
I've always had Borderline Personality Disorder, so my gender identity issues don't really affect my issue much more than my usual wanting to kill myself and feeling insignificant. I've attempted(?) suicide once before.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
I'd never heard the term before, but as a child I always imagined if I ever found a genie and got one wish, I would wish to be male.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
My curvy pear shape. Most hip-hop models honestly don't have my measurements before photoshop. That being said, I still don't have even the slightest bit of self-confidence.
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
Idfk.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
I've been looking into FtM sex toys lately. :-X As much as I hate sex toys, I'd actually consider using something like that to feel more masculine if my bf and I were to break it off.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
No, I'm actually taking steps to feminize myself. However, I'm now more depressed than ever...
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
None really. This site?
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
Meh, couldn't care less.
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
My family talked down to me when I was a lesbian and didn't admit it. Even though they've become more open now as society evolves, I can't see them ever standing beside my transgender issues. They barely love me as-is (honestly_.
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
I'm new to all this stuff, to be honest.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
I'm female, and I do everything in my power to make myself believe that. :-\ So far, no luck.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
...What?
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
...Some of these questions are NOT for n00bs like me...
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
It makes me question my future probably far more than I already should...I have my doubts that I will ever be happy in this body.
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
STOP CONFUSING ME, I'M NEW!!!
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
Never been religious.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I've always known it, whether it had a term or not. Ever since YOUNG childhood.
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
I prefer straight men, and that is part of the reason I can't ever see myself transitioning. I'm going to be unhappy either way, might as well not be alone.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
Even my fellow trans friends don't know my inner trans-feelings.
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
???
25) Your first queer crush or relationship
I had a HUGE crush on this gay guy I worked with years ago. Even then, I found his flamboyancy annoying. I can't see myself ever fully falling for a man who would love me as a trans man.
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
I've been trying more and more to dress feminine lately. However, it hasn't made me FEEL any more feminine at this point.
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
I am too lazy
I'm not going to write one
I'm so drunk, sorry.
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
At this point, honestly, no one. I feel like everyone is a fake friend. And my BPD prevents me from feeling any kind of closeness o my boyfriend.
29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences
This site, DUH.
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
Being...miserable?
I'm BPD among other things.
Your answers while drinking have that same tone as I do when I drink.
Belligerent, but nice. I mean that in a good way.
Hang around, I think you have some questions you haven't thought about, yet.
Look through some topics and threads, there are answers to those questions, there.
We're also pretty good at answering them ourselves around here.
Ativan
^ I didn't take offense to that. I read it exactly as you meant it!
I do have so many questions, and I guess since I've never really joined a group like this before, I don't really know much about the trans of whatever you wanna call it community. I don't know all of this terminology, and I don't really know what to expect to find out, either. ^^; Hoping to find some answers in time, though. I've suppressed my inner self for too long. :/
Quote from: D0LL on May 11, 2013, 10:56:43 PM
I do have so many questions, and I guess since I've never really joined a group like this before, I don't really know much about the trans of whatever you wanna call it community. I don't know all of this terminology, and I don't really know what to expect to find out, either. ^^; Hoping to find some answers in time, though. I've suppressed my inner self for too long. :/
We're always happy to help out with terms! :) Have you checked out the wiki (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Main_Page) yet? There's tons of great information there.
Maybe I'll do this too. :P
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?Just "transgender" or "non-binary" as helpfully vague terms, or if they want more detail, I'll basically show this with my hands: ♂───●───◯──────♀. My boyfriend calls me a she-male and tr*nny affectionately (as well as f*g) ::). I actually find it validating (in the 'take back the word' sense), and he obviously knows they're offensive terms for other people.
2) How did you grow up with your gender?I didn't really start getting dysphoria until puberty. I was always a nerdy tomboy--as in, I liked nerdy "boy" stuff (and occasional "girly" stuff), but not really rough and tumble. My parents were great about encouraging me to pursue my interests, though not so much about dressing in a non-feminine way.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?I'm not particularly interested in making a display of it, but I'm almost always wearing something more masculine and something more feminine. Like if I'm decked out in boy clothes, I often have nail polish on, and I've definitely worn boxers under dressed before.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushesDavid Sedaris, Anderson Cooper, Julia Serano, Buck Angel, Sutan Amrull, Portia de Rossi, to name a few.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage itFor body dysphoria--I have a subconscious male body map. I bind if I'm feeling chest dysphoria and sometimes pack if I'm feeling bottom dysphoria. Changing the terms my partner uses also really helps. For social dysphoria, I change the way I dress and correct people using the wrong terms.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?There was a brief period when I started to explore being trans as a young teenager, but then I dove headfirst into denial. Towards the end of college, I finally put all the pieces together and admitted to myself that I was trans. I thought that being FTM transsexual was the only "option" for me, but then I looked more into non-binary identities. That was what fit the best.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?I have red hair, which I like quite a lot. I just cut it to a medium length, which has boosted my confidence a lot.
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM communityI dislike it when LGBT people jump down the throats of cis and straight people who want to be allies when they ask questions (I've seen this happen even when the questions aren't very ignorant/offensive). I believe strongly in the power of education and compassion to combat ignorance so I'm always willing to chat about it, but I understand that people get sick of having to educate everyone around them. You still don't have to be rude about it and alienate the people who want to be on our side!
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.I've come out to friends, my partner, and my parents. But I don't feel like that's been enough change, so I'm probably going to choose a name and either male or gender-neutral ("they") pronouns.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?I'm not planning to go on HRT or get SRS. But, I am working on fitness to get my body less pear-shaped and add on muscle.
I never finished this, so I tried to answer as many questions as I could.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
A: I'm in the stage where I'm realizing it more and more each day. I'm beginning to find myself again, and when something feels right -- I don't want to lose it.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
A: It sounds funny, but I like my hands. It's the most gender neutral thing about my body.
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community.
A: I don't have one or a specific opinion, I guess.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
A: I've got a foot out the door. I'm out to a few people. My doctor, my therapist, my ex-husband etc. Part of the reason for not being fully out, I'm not sure how to come out. Names and pronouns don't bother me compared to being called the wrong gender -- if that makes sense. I don't mind being called a he or she, but I want to be able to have an A or a N on my ID, to be able to claim or have my gender recognized in such a way, it would be a great blessing.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
A: I think I've come to a point where I'm going to look into my options. I wish my body would reflect neutrality. No sexual parts, no body hair, no feminine curves/manly mass...just human.
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event.
A: No answer.
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender.
A: I feel that it accurately describes me. It's a term I'm comfortable with using it for myself, even if there are those arguing who is or isn't "trans enough".
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
A: They don't know, but I don't think they would have a problem with it either. Right now, I don't have my family to talk to, due to some horrible circumstances. Hopefully, things change soon.
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
A: I am not.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
A: I struggle at times. Mostly due to my own indecision rather than a pure focus on gender dysphoria.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly.
A lot of blogs and vlogs. Having access to the internet again is great; I get to connect with people who understand.
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
A: This ties in with Q9. Being called the wrong pronoun or the wrong name, it doesn't bother me. I don't feel angry or hurt. What I want is to be recognized, legally, as an agender person. I don't want to have to claim a false coat again because I don't fit with one box or the other.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
The funny -- well, not funny, mm...the thing is when I try and picture myself in the future, it's hard. The image is like rippling water or a dirty mirror. I just can't get a good look even when I squint.
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
A: I think it's just labels in general. I'm wary to use any -- to hold them close because it always feels like it excludes someone on some basis. I know I struggle with rejection. If I thought I found a community that I thought would finally understand to only be turned away...I think that would hurt me more than being rejected by those I know who wouldn't understand.
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
A: Not really. I was never religious growing up. I think, if anything, I'm just agnostic. I know there is a great, beautiful force in the world...I'm just not sure what it is or how it fits in within the constrictions of religion.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
A: It's gotten stronger. I'm slowly peeling back all these defenses -- these layers, and I'm digging to the core. It's a difficult process but so rewarding as well.
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
A: I wouldn't even know where to start with labels. I closely relate to panromantic. Sexual orientation is...difficult to place, especially when I know male and female organs are wrong on this body. I'm very much a sexual being...I just there are other ways to express those feelings.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
A: I'm very open to questions. Though I may not have the answers or the right words to explain it, myself.
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
A: It hasn't. That might be a little bold to say since I haven't really come out to anyone.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship.
A: I had my first queer relationship with my ex-girlfriend, Rose. I was fourteen, I think. It was great...until sex became a frequent subject. I wasn't comfortable in my skin, and it became something she couldn't wait for me to figure out my feelings.
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender.
I'm lazy when it comes to clothes unless I know I have somewhere special to go. I just want to feel comfortable.
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
A: Stuck within the lines,
the battle of north and south.
lost in the middle.
Eh, poetry isn't my strongest skill, and I think that would make me a belly-button...an innie, for sure.
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
A: This forum, these people. They have given me so much strength and hope and kindness -- it's wonderful.
29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences.
A: A chance to finally be me. To be happy.
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
Truth. Introspection. Love. Self-worth. Happiness. All of these things, I get to experience more and more every day. I still have my bad days but I'm beginning to like who I am, finding a reason to live beyond just surviving in this world. It's what makes it worth the struggle.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Im androgyne
day by day didn't work, so now i''l try all in one go instead.
let's see...
Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
androgyne, genderfluid... umm, actually i gave up. not defining it any more. me-gender, bird of prey gender, shapeshifting chibi devil gender. anything i feel like that doesn't sound like a gender per se.
How did you grow up with your gender?
i grew up as a normal introverted obedient child. not sure how much of a gender i was, i just wore what i was told to wear, avoided talking too much, withdrew and never had friends before high school. but that was for other reasons than my gender. not sure how that has influenced me at all. though i did try too hard to be a girl some times, and that ended in something of a personal disaster. did rise again though, not giving in to life quite yet.
What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
being myself, wearing whatever i feel like wearing. or what's left in my wardrobe after i've been too lazy to wash clothes for a while.
Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
sir psycho sexy (i wonder where he is now), shion from family compo, sevan and ativan. they made me realize that i am me, and not what everybody else tells me i should be.
Dysphoria and how you manage it
there is some of it. i manage it by telling myself that it passes and the world isn't likely to end tomorrow. the chance will come, and it's better to wait for the right time than rushing too much.
When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
when i joined this forum. that is, i probably knew a few weeks or months before, but i didn't know of the possibility until i found this forum, read this androgyne section, and joined.
What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
my waist, if i lost some weight.
An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
what is the gsm community?
What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
i plan to let people realize on their own and answer if they ask. i'll try to give the more eluding of my honest answers. let them think a little for themselves.
Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
i tried to start something, but it's not too easy where i live. gonna try again soon. not that i'm planning that much of a change, but i'm looking for a better yin/yang harmony in my body.
Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
never been to any
Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
i don't like it. intersex would be much better, i'm sure there are physical reasons as well. calling something trans just because it's different just doesn't sit well with me. isn't a woman a woman even if she has a beard?
still good to have a term that can be used differently than transsexual.
How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
i don't think the younger ones would care too much, except for my daughter. is a little difficult to convince her i'll still be her mom no matter what.
would rather not talk about parents.
Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
oh, so that's what gsm means. no, i'm not. or should i say i am? since i'm here...
How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
clothes are just clothes, the sellers only want to make money, don't they? forms are annoying. "are you male or female?" how do i answer "yes and no"? as for bathrooms, i tend to use the cleaner ones. as a faab, i'd be permitted to any.
Name some media you connect with queerly
hæ? what? i'm generally queer, and not just in terms of gender/sexuality. but connecting queerly, what does that even mean?
How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
i go "grrr" inside, then let it go. it's not like most people have any idea that other genders exist for real.
How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
it doesn't.
What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
all of them, if you mean the label kind of terms. the terms for being allowed to exist, having the same rights, not being harassed in etc are also somewhat problematic. i long for the day when "human" is all that really matters.
Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
nope.
How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
it's gotten better. starting to agree with my self a lot more.
What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
pan something. and how am i supposed to know what part of me affected another in what way? everything combines into me, change one thing and it's someone else.
Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
i don't look ambiguous enough for them to ask. or where looks don't matter, i don't act ambiguous enough for anyone to ask.
being me is too little girliness to be taken for a girl, but too little machismo to clash with my looks.
How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
not much. i gain and lose friends over other matters than gender.
Your first queer crush or relationship
my first boyfriend. he was cuter than most girls. our personalities didn't match at all, so it ended.
Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
they change all the time, and not always according to my gender.
Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
never, i'm not genderqueer (don't you dare label me).
looking over the vast ocean
freedom lifting my wings
i miss the nest that the last storm took
~the lonely eagle~
Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
my daughter, ms sun, my new employer, lovisa negga, my cat, my feline friends and the wolf pup (they're online friends), some of the people here. and my bad boy, the cute canadian finn.
there are also other people who some times manage to cheer me up, but most of them aren't really friens. i just have too many acquaintance.
Some positive Genderqueer experiences
my uncle seeing through me, recognizing the hidden me.
What does Genderqueer mean to you?
the word means nothing. a person's heart and mind do.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Androgyne
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
Wanted to be a girl at age 4
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
The Patty Hearst look: the hair, beret, leather, boots.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
Van. After seeing some of the photos I hope Van has a great career in modeling ahead.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
Dysphoria left me when I had SRS
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
Only a couple weeks ago it hit me that I am neither gender really. Or a different gender.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
My breasts and vagina
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
none
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
Did that a long time ago.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I first transitioned in 1999, SRS in 2001, Reverted to male presentation in 2003. Now am growing my hair longer again and buying tops that accentuate my small breasts. Maintenance HRT dose via patch.
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
TCNE is a wonderful organization which holds great events. I'd say it was 1996 when I first went to First Event. It was a blast.
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
Umbrella term, it doesn't bother me.
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
It was tough from 1999-2003 when I was full time MTF. After 2003 things are much better.
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
Definitely
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
I love to shop. I try to find a unisex bathroom. My form entries read the same as the gender marker on my driver's license.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
Lady Antebellum – imagine a sandwich with them!
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
I got a lot of it when I was out. It sucked.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
Living my life.
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
>-bleeped-< is a pet peeve of mine.
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
When I was coming out I chose a welcoming and affirming Episcopal parish near where I had just moved.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I love myself even more than ever!
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
I am attracted to women, of all genders/no gender. Not having male sex organs was a huge problem in 2 of the last 4 relationships I've been in. But I am still happy with who I am and the way I am now. There will be someone who also loves me as I am.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
One friend and nobody else.
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
None.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship
David Bowie / Ziggy Stardust
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
I wear tight t shirts, jeans, boots or Converse sneaks. And leather fall-spring. Just regular clothes
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
I never thought that there would be,
Anybody in the world just like me.
Not a female, not a male,
No description you can nail.
So while you try to figure me out,
My appearance might give you doubt.
Come close, let me whisper in your ear:
"Feel free to call me just queer."
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
Ex wife, children, best friend, Mom & brother.
29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences
Once in 1998 before I was completely out, I was definitely genderf*ing, out of the blue a 20-something kid came over to me in a convenience store and said "pick one!"
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
An umbrella term for those who don't conform to a gender binary, or take on characteristics of a person opposite their birth gender assignment, or do not completely transition to the opposite their birth gender assignment. Short answer: me!
I think this might be an interesting experiment. ^^ Though I know I won't have the patience to only do one question a day... Not that anyone else is.
1) Do you use any other terms to define your gender?
Genderqueer and bi-gendered are actually words that I just learned a week ago or so. I sometimes go with 'Boy Travesty' or 'Girl Travesty.' Those terms are really not very accurate, though, as I tend to jump all over the Gender Identity Spectrum from day to day. I'm sure I'll stabilize eventually. Until then, I have actually found it's easier to classify my different 'gender days' with names. Not that I classify anything for anyone other than myself. Really, I am quite new to accepting myself as bi-gendered, so I don't really know all the terminology. ^^;
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
Backwards. I started wanting to be a boy at four, though I am not sure if I really knew what it meant then. I went back and forth throughout elementary, though mostly I just thought that if I hoped and prayed enough I would wake up male one day. Sweet naivety. I accepted myself for who I was in elementary and even expressed as male for most of it. Which led to merciless bullying of course. The bullying followed me to junior high, where I still felt male a lot of days, but I didn't let it show. Denial initiated. In high school I backed so far into the gender closet that I couldn't see the door anymore. I was all female, all the time; I managed to convince myself of that. Denial well established. That lasted for about five years, then I started to explore my gender identity for a bit; for a grand total of three months. Then I pulled back into deep denial again for two years (mostly because I got pregnant) and convinced myself that I wasn't genderqueer yet again. I only started my venture back out of the denial closet a few weeks ago, actually. Like I said in my last answer, I'm new to all of this. I decided that it is time to stop being miserable and hating the world and just accept myself. Because life is too short to waste pretending to be something that you aren't.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
I'm not really sure that I like any of those terms. I don't really believe in gender roles in the first place, so I don't believe that they can be 'upset.' The term 'gender>-bleeped-<ing' seems extremely abrasive and I don't think I will ever use it again. So, I really don't know how to answer this question.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
My number one hero/inspiration is actually someone who I dated in junior high who is undergoing the transition from female to male. And, now that I actually found the guts to talk to him, he has offered so much support. He is answering all of my nosey questions, which I really helpful. I am not sure if you could call it a 'crush,' but my feelings for him have carried over from junior high. Alas, he is more into women. As for 'famous' people, I really don't know any. However, I admire anyone who isn't afraid to be themselves, no matter who that person is.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
Dissociation mostly. I actually feel better about it now that I've admitted to myself that I am transgendered. Which is weird, but true.
Doing these all at once, because I know otherwise it'll bug me.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Just "androgyne", usually. I also like the phrase "she is a boy". That sums it up pretty well and is pleasantly confusing.
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
I grew up wishing I was my brother's brother. He wanted a brother and I wanted to be a boy but I also wanted to wear high heels and makeup and get my ears pierced. I hated playing with baby dolls (but I had dozens of them) but loved ponies, barbies, and dress up. I hated sports but loved lincoln logs, lego, matchbox cars, and dinosaurs. I said I wanted to be a firefighter ballerina when I grew up. I played video games of all the same types my brother played. I read fantasy books and hard science fiction books and hated Jane Austen and loved Shakespeare. Gender just... was never a strict box for me. I never felt driven to participate in particular activities (or avoid them) due to my gender. I hated that Girl Scouts was all girls.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
My appearance, mostly, though I'm also heavily involved in gaming, particularly first-person shooters, horror, and science fiction games, which are societally seen as highly masculine. Appearance-wise I have a masculine-to-androgynous punk haircut (see avatar) and I tend to wear a combination of masculine-cut black leather, plain shirts, big stompy boots, twirly skirts, eye makeup/nail polish, androgynous jewelry, and skinny jeans or leggings. I like to make people vaguely uncomfortable that they're attracted to me. ;)
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
My close friend Theo is my hero (and mutual crush, though unfortunately they are asexual and I am greyromantic so we're highly incompatible and aware of it). They are amazing. Creative and brazen and beautiful and smashes gender assumptions with the tip of their hat.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it:
I have massive bottom dysphoria, constantly. Constantly. It only gets bad when I'm doing sexual things (and with my sex drive that's, um, often) but as long as it's not me doing the touching I'm okay. I just get my partner to do it for me. ;)
The rest of my body I'm pretty ok with. I'd like to have a smaller chest but I don't get dysphoric about it, really, and I don't mind being seen as female.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
I've wanted male genitals since I was... maybe six or seven, and known that I'm "not like other girls" since around the same time, but I didn't put a NAME to it until about eight months ago, when my father said "you've always liked to look really feminine" and I took immediate strong offense and had to sit down and think about my reaction for a week or two.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
My lips and my hair.
8.) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community:
Uh, at the risk of offending people, I'll admit that I sometimes feel like people use WAY too much makeup to try to appear female and end up going out the other side and looking silly, but that's totally just my occasional opinion and I keep it to myself.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
Name. I've told a lot of my friends, my husband, my brother, and my father that I want to be called Jack, but my mother, sister, extended family members, and some less-close friends I haven't told yet. I'm not sure when I will. Eventually I'll have to, because eventually I want to legally change it.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
No, not planning to, not yet anyway. I've thought about discussing topical testosterone cream for my bottom dysphoria with my doctor, but I haven't yet.
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event:
I haven't really had one, yet. I'm not in college anymore and I'm a contractor at work so I can't join the groups there either. I guess Tumblr kind of counts? That's the "place" that helped me figure myself out.
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
I'm still really unsure how I fit in the term, to be honest. Until VERY recently I thought that "transgender" meant either FtM or MtF and didn't think of it as an umbrella term. I worry that if I use the term in reference to myself, people will assume rather than asking, and won't think of me as androgyne unless I use that word specifically.
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
My dad and brother are ...confused, but supportive. My sister will probably be more confused, but eventually accept it. My mother... I don't know. I imagine there will be a lot of crying and praying. :/
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
I'm not sure how you mean. I'm on this forum, and I discuss it a lot on tumblr. Does that count? I definitely AM GSM, for sure, I mean I'm a greyromantic pansexual androgyne, so YES?
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
Clothes shopping: I shop wherever and buy what I like. No big deal. I use women's restrooms and fitting rooms because I'm obviously female (large breasts & hips) but I roll my eyes a lot and vastly prefer nongendered bathrooms. Forms... I check female, because my body is unfortunately just female, and I figure that's what they mean. If it's not an official form, though-- like on a website-- I choose "prefer not to say".
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
This... doesn't even make sense, but I guess I connect the band Pentatonix with queerNESS because two of the members are out as gay. And there's a number of great queer comic anthologies. And fanfiction, man, fanfiction is queer as HELL. It's GREAT.
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
Heh, I misgender myself sometimes, out of habit. Things like "I'm your girl" or whatever. Okay, brain, not a girl! Hush!
Anyway I usually just roll my eyes internally and ignore it. I'm Minnesotan and VERY laid back, so I just roll with it. Again, I look very female, so w/e.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
Well eventually I have to tell my family, because of my name, so there's that. And I'd like to get a new job so I can go in as Jack rather than trying to change it here.
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
">-bleeped-<" is horrible. also ">-bleeped-<" and "ladyboy" and "wannabe". I hear a lot about "trans*" being an issue so I mostly use "trans" without the *.
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
Nah, been Atheist-Buddhist since I was like 14, man.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I am So. Much. Happier. Holy CRAP, so much happier. It's so much easier to deal with the dysphoria and to accept myself and the name thing, seriously, I finally have people that call me by MY NAME, not the name my mother gave me.
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
Greyromantic (only ever been in love once, with my husband) pansexual (gender has no affect on my sexual attraction to people). And no, not really. I like sex with all adult humans, I don't fall in love (except once). It'd be the same regardless of my own gender. (admittedly there are sexual acts I'd LOVE to do, but can't do because of my body being female. too bad about that.)
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
Yes, all of the above, but not family or coworkers. Not yet. Though, if they asked, I'd answer honestly.
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
No real change, not yet anyway. Admittedly I've only told people I correctly assumed would be ok with it.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship:
I very briefly dated (and made out with) my friend Angie when I was 13. We decided we were both not straight but also not into each other.
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender:
I dress punk, which is very androgynous. Leather, boots, skinny jeans, lots of black and metal. My love of short skirts and leggings is a bit more femme, but hey, I'd do that if I was male bodied, too. I just couldn't get away with it at work, then.
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
What a coincidence, I'm a poet. I wrote this in November, after coming out to my father:
Epitaph
I want to be remembered as vivid,
garish.
Too loud, too bright, too much, too
alive.
"She called herself Jack," they'll whisper,
"And she was
terrifyingly
unafraid."
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
My husband, my friend Theo, my friend Janelle, my father, my hockey bros, and my podfic community people.
29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences:
Having my friends get my name right.
Having people ask me "what pronouns do you prefer?"
Finding fiction with genderqueer characters.
Having my mother (who doesn't know I'm Androgyne) tell me "I love that haircut, it's so much more YOU than what you had before."
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
Outside the gender binary. Not male, not female, but neither or both or something altogether different. For me, it's both. For some, it's something else. It's a label with freedom, boundaries without a box.
alright... I'mma do this thing
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I'm still working on it... a little while back I found a post detailing the common definitions of every single term facebook allows you to use now and that inspired me to try to narrow the list down to things that sounded like me, and that left me with this:
- Genderfluid
- Genderqueer
- Neither
- Neutrois
- Non-binary
- Other
I can't really narrow it down any more than that at the moment... they all work about the same and don't seem to quite cover it at the same time.
Although, one term that facebook has not adopted that I like to use a lot is genderf***ed. I realize people use the term "genderf***" to just mean messing around with concepts of gender (anything from full drag to ladies with butch hair cuts to men in full suits and feminine makeup) but to me it just sounds right because it captures my frustration pretty dang well. As in, "Genderqueer? More like GenderF***ED"
(if this post is still against the rules let me know and I will gladly and immediately remove all mention of my favorite identifying term)
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
I was never really comfortable with myself, but for the longest time I thought that my lack of confidence had to do with my lack of friends, or some hole I'd dug for myself with my actions in kindergarten. (I went to the same christian private school from kindergarten through 12th grade, and a good chunk of my graduating class had been with me that entire time.) But I realize now that my lack of confidence, not my previous actions, were a big part of what left me friendless, and the same was not entirely true the other way around. There was another source I couldn't really place, and didn't really know how to begin to TRY to place. My school had pseudo-uniforms, in that our dress code was bordering on a uniform but we still had "options", and thank god one of those options for girls was khaki/navy pants, because if I'd had to wear a skirt every day for all those years I probably would have had reason to place the source of my anxiety MUCH sooner. But going to such a conservative school there was always pressure to conform to how a Proper Christian Lady should be, and even if I had the choice to dress the way I did, I always felt kind of unaccepted and out of place, and it occurred to me many, many times that I might make friends if I could only be more feminine (which obviously wasn't true, I'd make more friends if I could be more confident in myself, but that's what I thought at the time). But I didn't even know how to be feminine, even though there was pressure on me TO be feminine given that, not only did I come from a decently traditional family, but I was the "only granddaughter" on my mother's side and they liked to emphasize that a whooooole lot. Besides insisting that I do (and want) feminine things my mother never actually taught me HOW to be feminine, and I guess she just expected it would come naturally to me as a girl (ha, hahaha ha h a haha).
Anyway, once I finally did get some friends my junior year of high school (outside of school of course) I figured I could make up for all those years I wasn't invited to sleepovers and learn from my new female friends how to truly be feminine, and then feel good about myself. And to an extent, I accomplished the first goal; I learned how to dress to impress, and walk like a girl, and chat like girls do, and how to raise my pitch when I wanted something. But it was about when I started dabbling in Lolita the summer of my Senior year of high school (in an effort to bond with my adorable Lolita friend who began wearing Lolita around the same time) that I realized it just wasn't working. Maybe it was the fact that Lolita is so exaggerated that helped me really see past the surface to look at myself, but it wasn't until then that I even seriously considered the fact that the reason I felt so self conscious could be because I just wasn't comfortable presenting as a girl all the time. And this was even after knowing several transgender individuals and learning a lot about transgender rights. I'd had fantasies before for sure, but until that point, it just hadn't occurred to me that I could be anything other than a girl, because that's what was expected of me I guess? I don't even know. Believe it or not, that's the shortened (and softened) version.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / genderf***ing?
Well I rag against gender roles whenever I get the chance, but I think the most fun way to genderbend for me so far has been cosplay. I cosplay as several female characters, several male characters, and within the next month, one genderqueer character (Hanji from SNK), so at cons I can basically decide which character to be for the day based on how I feel and how I want to be perceived. Think of it this way: if you were a cosplayer who went to conventions often, and it is common for people who do not yet know you to grab your attention by using the name of the character you're portraying and using that character's pronouns when you're not around (unless they just flat-out assume your gender under the costume which, in my opinion, is kind of rude), would you want to cosplay a male character, a female character, or a character that nobody's really sure about? I can choose between all three, and if I wanted, sometimes even more than one in a day. It can be fun.
I also find the idea of doing drag king activities very appealing.
I missed the past couple of days because of exams... I'm so exhausted OTL
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
Andrea Gibson and, most recently, Ollie Renee Schminkey. I don't even really listen to poetry much (although I would probably love it if I got more into it) but some of those just cut me deep. And then, of course, I would consider all of the close people in my life (most of which just happen to be queer) to be heroes who have influenced me in one way or another.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
For personal reasons, I don't like to use that term. But whenever I don't feel right I mostly just try to ignore it. I try very, very, very hard to ignore it by any means necessary. Kind of unhealthy, really, and obviously not that effective, but I don't really see any other alternative since I don't have a lot of options.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
I have absolutely no idea. It's kind of a trick question with me, because with a lot of things I realize them before I actually "realize" them, since I have a nasty habit of lying to myself (and convincingly, too). I know things kind of started getting bad to the point where I couldn't ignore it anymore a little over a year ago now, but I remember a couple years ago talking to a genderqueer friend about the "yada" community, and telling them something along the lines of kind of feeling like that. So I don't actually know.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
Depends on the day, although the most common thing I've found to like about myself no matter what is my eyes. Eyes just work no matter what. It's hard to go wrong with eyes, you know?
Then some that kind of go in and out are my hair and face and body in general like there's some days where I'm like HECK YEA I'M GR8 and there's other days where I want to break every mirror in existence so
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
This is not unpopular and definitely not unsure, but boy, do I have some opinions.
As with absolutely everything else it seems, it's a dog-eat-dog world. Apparently it is literally impossible to have a group of people with things in common that support each other, because everyone thinks they're right and everyone else has to go with their way or the highway. The GSM community is a hierarchy that doesn't want to admit that it's a hierarchy and I hate it. You'd think that people who take crap from others daily would learn to be nice to other people who take crap for similar reasons, but no, apparently that's just too hard.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
I've decided that I eventually want to change my middle name to Caleb so that I can switch them up when I like. I hate my current middle name and have always hated it, but it's in honor of a dead great aunt I never knew so I feel like my parents would take offense if I changed it...
And I've already come out publicly on my friend facebook and changed my gender there (so basically to everyone who I actually choose to associate with) but none of my family knows anything (they don't even know I'm pan) and I don't know if I'll ever tell them. I also don't really force anything like pronouns on anyone and gave them the option to use "whatever they think fits at the time" (almost always "she"...) and don't know if I have the guts to change that. whoops
Missed a day.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
Not actively at the moment, right now I'm mostly just information gathering... the biggest barrier to physically transitioning in any way, it seems, is whether or not I actually want to carry a kid, which I can't really say for sure at this point in my life. I know that once I already have or once I've decided that I don't want to or don't want any more, I know for a fact that the first thing to go will be my chest. That is definitely a thing that is going to happen eventually. I've been looking into post-surgery breastfeeding lately and the general consensus is "It's possible but if you're planning on having kids you should wait" so that's what I'll do, I guess. After that I want my tubes tied or my uterus gone or something along those lines (haven't gotten to do much research in that area yet), just so that I know I'll definitely never get pregnant or bleed again... and then I've been considering HRT, but I'm not sure about it yet. I suppose it'll depend on how I feel after I have a flat chest and definite freedom from menstrual cycles. Of course, I am currently trying (slowly but surely) to get as (healthily) thin as possible and stay there, both in hopes that it takes my chest and hips down a couple sizes and because I've heard that top surgery is more effective if you lose as much body fat as possible beforehand.
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
Oh gee... that'd be Nashville Pride 2012, I think. That was a while ago. At that point I was still under the impression that I was asexual, so I dressed and painted a heart on my face in the flag colors and voluntarily held a sign for my church for several hours. People wanted a lot of pictures with me and the sign and my face was sunburned around the paint so I had a heart mark on my face for a couple of days, but it was fun. I still haven't gotten to march in a parade, which I would like to.
Kinda wish other people were doing this at the same time that I am, because I feel like I've taken over the thread, haha...
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
My relationship with that word is about the same as my relationship with the word "dysphoria". I don't feel like I deserve to use it (as a gender-??? individual) and I probably never will. And that's about the extent of it.
Since the next couple questions are ridiculously easy I'm just going to answer them now and give myself a few days of wiggle room.
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
HAHAhAHAHAHAhhAAHahhahahahahahAHHahHAhaHAHHAHAaHAHAhaAHAno
never
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
Yes? Gender aside I have both a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time so I am pretty sure there is no contesting my pansexuality
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
It actually bothers me a lot but I don't feel like there's anything I can do about it so I try not to think about it. I stay in my box to the point where I don't even opt out of putting my gender on forms when it isn't required because I don't want to get in trouble. But if there's a unisex or family bathroom I always take it on instinct. And clothes shopping and I don't get along because on my own I don't feel like I know what I'm doing but if I'm with my mother she always vocally disapproves of my affinity towards the men's section...
Let myself get WAY behind out of pure laziness.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
Nothing in particular I guess, but I'm always thrilled to find canonly gender-ambiguous characters like crona from soul eater or Hanji from SNK. There's just not a lot of them...
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
I'm struggling to think of how it would technically be possible to misgender me. I guess that usually being "misgendered" with male pronouns makes me really happy, but I guess if you're happy then it's not misgendering?
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
Trying to work top surgery around having a kid. Changing my middle name at least is also on my bucket list.
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
Eh.... I don't usually run into many that I feel are that bad? (Not even thinking about outside the trans community though because otherwise id be listing problematic things all day). I know some friends have a problem with the term "transgender" and I've seen people who dislike the word "genderqueer" but both of those are fine to me. Language means different things to different people and all that
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
Oh man, that was going on long before I admitted anything gender-related to myself.
Some of these are a bit short, so I might do two a day. ;)
Quote1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Gender fluid seems fitting to me, though I don't know if I'm more than passingly similar to other people using the term. I haven't seen much talk of people struggling as I am with their very body.
Quote2) How did you grow up with your gender?
When I was a child I loved to participate in pretend play as a man. Considering that children engage in a lot of fantasies that don't translate to real-life I don't know if it means much, but it was the most natural thing in the world to me to switch around and view both as an honest expression of myself until I became self-conscious of it around 8-9. I started "correcting" my video game characters, storytelling narratives, and the way I looked at myself in my imagination.
I was never into distinctly masculine or feminine play or dress, so there was nothing to hide there. I might have tried to correct myself, but I never tried to further blend in by taking a liking to what other girls were wearing or doing with their time.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I feel like I've gotten a lot more self conscious, because I think I know what the problem is now but I've realized that it's not an easy one to fix. I've also gotten angry at myself before for not having an easier problem to deal with
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
I am technically panromantic demisexual, though I just tell people I'm pansexual. Being demiromantic has nothing whatsoever to do with my gender, though I think that coming to terms with my gender helped me realize that pansexual was the best descriptor for my sexuality. Pansexuality implies a lot more gender neutrality than bisexuality and, unlike bisexuality, leaves out the binary completely in the case of both the person it describes and the people they are attracted to. Although this is not always the case, people sometimes describe bisexuality as being attracted to "both the same and opposite gender", whereas Pansexuality is almost always described as basically "so long as you're human and my type I don't care about your sex or gender". So that obviously feels more right to me.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
Friends yes, though I feel a bit self conscious. Acquaintances and strangers... Depends on my mood. I default to telling people I'm a woman unless I'm feeling particularly brave and know I probably won't see them again.
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
None? Why would it, they were my friends or enemies before and they are my friends or enemies now, gender has nothing to do with whether or not I get along with people
Quote3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
I like peace and quiet, so rocking the boat without a goal in mind isn't my thing. However, my sex is female and my interests have always been outside of the expected. Dinosaurs, paleontology, geology, outdoors, and computers as a child, and computer networking and indie science fiction as an adult.
I have a very soft, feminine voice, so when people hear me cuss they're often surprised.
I think I could also apply this to my relationships, especially when I still viewed myself as a woman and was dating women. I hear people talking about dominant or submissive partners in relationships outside of BDSM contexts, even in LGBT, and I've never had that or needed it. To me it just seems like another way to say, "Who's the man and who's the woman?"
My high school girlfriend the fiery, outgoing one with a personality strong and competitive enough to tackle culinary school and a culinary career, and I was the timid homebody who tried to win her over and took her out for ice cream after seeing Shrek. We were both sweet and shy at times.
Quote4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
With the exception of my old high school acquaintance who came out as gender fluid a year ago, none come to mind. I never thanked her for first making the idea become real to me.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship
Oh boy. Technically anything involving me would be queer in some way but I'll just go with my first girl crush.
I didn't crush on a lot of people when I was younger, I thought it was stupid. I only started crushing on people in late high school, and most of them were dumb little things on cis guys, but my first legitimate girl crush was on my former best friend. It didn't last our entire relationship, and it didn't even last that long, it was just one summer where I was like "waaaaaait a minute... Do I?? Nooo...." It made me question myself at a time when I thought I was completely straight.
She has a girlfriend now but at the time she was straight as an arrow and wasn't even comfortable supporting fictional same sex couples so it wasn't hard to convince myself that was going nowhere and move on.
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
I only bind on days when I can't stand to be perceived as feminine, and I only wear bras either on days where I'm actually okay with the idea or I don't care much but feel like I'll get in trouble if I don't wear one. And the rest of the time, I just don't bother. So in that way choosing between a bra, binder, or nothing kind of might indicate where I'm at? But my closet is overwhelmingly feminine since my parents don't like me buying masculine clothes, so I don't exactly have much of a choice.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender? - Genderfluid.
2) How did you grow up with your gender? - With the desire of have been assigned male at birth, which always makes me feel sad when I think about it.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing? - I LOVE drag!
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes - Hmmm, I don't have any heroes, crushes, etc.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it - I don't deal well with dysphoria. I don't know, I try to forget it, listening to music, playing videogame, but it's always hard.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer? - Last year!
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself? - My eyes and my mouth.
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community - ???
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc. - I came out last year to my entire family. I'm still very anxious about it.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition? - Yes, I started HT this year.
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event - In real life? I never had one.
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender - I declare myself transgender when it comes to political issues, because I think it's important for the community to have the largest possible number of representativeness. But in my private life, I do not like to apply terms that are social constructs to define who I am as a human being.
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it? - They don't get the whole idea and I wish I had more respect from them.
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community? - Yes I am, as gq and bisexual.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc. - I always use the masculine toilet, etc., because of my appearence. I try as much as I can to not have to use a toilet, however.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly - Facebook groups.
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered? - I never correct the person. I'm extremely shy and introvert. I hate it.
So close to finishing in a month, I flaked on the last four... oh well.
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of consciousness paragraph)
What am I today?
Why can't I just pick a side?
God f***ing d**nit.
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
Pretty much all my friends, when they aren't rolled up in some kind of drama. Especially my two partners, who are both trans and are very, very supportive of me (the reverse is true as well, of course). My family makes my life better just by being more kind than the families of some of my loved ones... even if I'm not out to them and they aren't completely supportive of LGBT* issues. In general, I'm just pretty lucky, even if my life isn't perfect and I need to vent sometimes. No one in my life is completely toxic, and where I can't find support and resources with some of them, I can with others.
29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences
Most recently, in cancun, I was sir'd three times in one evening by waiters while I was at a restaurant with my parents... and they didn't correct either of them. The first one corrected himself, but the second one just kept going. He might have even sir'd me three times instead of two, I don't remember, I was just way too happy.
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
I've thought about it a lot, and I don't think it's something you can really put into words. It's something internal, like a feeling that's always with you and can either make you feel awful as >-bleeped-< or just... nothing above the usual? It's hard to describe something you've always felt because you don't really know anything to compare it to. I know, I like to participate in gendered things on occasion, and certain pronouns and presentations make me feel a lot better about myself on certain days... but when it's just me alone, when I look down, when I look out, when I look around, even when I look in the mirror... I don't see a gendered individual. I don't feel like one. These are not the hands of a man or a woman typing this right now, these are just hands. My hands. It gets a little harder to say that about body parts that are heavily gendered by society like my chest, and I want top surgery eventually, but in the end it's not to look like a man, it's just to look like me. Gender is the clothes that my soul decides to wear day by day (with little to no say-so from conscious me), but in the end, what's underneath the clothes is what is actually me. I am _________, and I am getting more and more okay with that.
Quote from: Edge on June 06, 2012, 05:02:11 AM
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I use bigender and genderfluid.
"Me" . . .
"Authentic" . . .
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WTF ??? Images are not posting.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or
explain your gender?
Gender fluid, Androgyne, Awesome, Me
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
Yes? Kind of a tricky question for me being between worlds. I used to crossdress on occasion, though more often I simply pretended I was a girl a lot of the time. When I was by myself. I don't remember speaking about it to others, I'm pretty sure I learned quick that that was bad. Because of my long hair I've often been referred to as a girl. I never was the one to correct them. However at other times I really was just a normal boy.
Puberty was kind to me in many respects. Largely I just felt, not wrong bodied, simply that my body was developing incorrectly. Like I didn't quite fit within it. Like I was in some way "too big" for my body.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
Being me is enough. I don't really mess with people since its hard for them to see me when im in the closet.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
Translabrynth, I'll be honest is a bit of a crush as well as a hero.
Brin convenient
Zinnia Jones
I'm impatient, so I'm going to attack a few at a time.
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
This is not a question, but I dont really have an answer for it either.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
Now you are testing my concept of time. I don't keep track of time very well. Within the last few months was when it finally dawned on me that I was gender fluid, because while I often felt MTF, there were times where I simply had no interest in even entertaining the thought of being trans. I'm still getting used to the jumps, though I seem to stabilize in the middle ground a lot more.
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
No >-bleeped-<ing clue.
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
Not a question, but I am sure I have a few. Can't think of any though.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
I will come out to my family, beyond that I frankly have no clue. Part of me wants to use they them pronouns etc, part of me wants to just socially go as female to avoid having to explain non binary to people.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I'm trying to get on hormones but my damn doctor wont answer my calls or emails!!!
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
Nada zip nothing.
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
I prefer it to transexual.
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
My mother has stated she would need counseling if I turn out to be gay. Clearly she will have issue. My brother is usually the one to start transphobic discussions, but he knows that on some level I do crossdress. My sister might be okay with it, but her husband very likely will not. I imagine once I come out to my sister I will no longer be able to see my neice and nephew.
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
yes? The need for this question confuses me
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
Get pissed at the world then use my assigned birth for anything that anyone else will see.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
the internet?
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
I tolerate it as it is currently a necessary evil. Sometimes I tolerate it more than others.
Missed a few days there, it wasnt a fun time.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
I'm going to be me soon. I'm also likely to be without friends, family or a job but I'll burn that bridge after I cross it. Or cross that bridge while it's burning. Or however that metaphor is supposed to go.
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
The usual T slurs, although I also dislike Transexual since its wording makes it difficult to seperate from sexuality. It is a term from a time when the two were believed to be related.
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
Athiest, raised without religion. One of my blessings I suppose, my only problems with religion are trying to understand how people believe in them in the first place.
Quote from: Kaya_Kai on August 05, 2015, 12:58:21 PM
I'm going to be me soon. I'm also likely to be without friends, family or a job but I'll burn that bridge after I cross it. Or cross that bridge while it's burning. Or however that metaphor is supposed to go.
I hope it doesn't come to that. Do you really think your family and friends will abandon you?
Missed a few days again...
@suzi: Most likely, they are... hostile against the concept of "men in dresses". Every now and then I entertain the notion that they would understand if it was someone they actually care about, but I don't put much stock in it. If nothing else, expect the worst hope for the best etc.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I simultaneously hate and love myself for it, depending on the day. My emotions on the matter are far from reaching a middling point. I have become more self involved, something which bothers me although it seems necessary considering the situation.
Quote from: Kaya_Kai on August 07, 2015, 02:06:42 PM
Missed a few days again...
@suzi: Most likely, they are... hostile against the concept of "men in dresses". Every now and then I entertain the notion that they would understand if it was someone they actually care about, but I don't put much stock in it. If nothing else, expect the worst hope for the best etc.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I simultaneously hate and love myself for it, depending on the day. My emotions on the matter are far from reaching a middling point. I have become more self involved, something which bothers me although it seems necessary considering the situation.
"Men in dresses" -- Let me knock that one back for a second.
I suppose there's the unstated question . . . "What is required to 'pass' . . . ???"
Using women's rest-rooms without incident.
Wearing dresses.
These two seem huge hurdles. One has it's own forum here. The other seemingly is an under-theme, lurking behind everything else. I love dresses, look absurd in them.
I have cis-female friends who can't wear dresses. They too look absurd.
Let's remember additionally that dresses, skirts were invented by the Patriarchy to provide sexual access to women -- "Pull up the dress and have your way!"
For the most part, no issue about what I present. It's a guy with long, full hair past the shoulders, 6 piercings for ear-rings. If you look very closely, the clothing is mixed gender, ("gender neutral / unisex") -- but F clothing seems to offer more panache.
Lot's of criticism about Jenner, linked from herein, conservative Jenner states, in essence, "It costs millions to do this, young people shouldn't expect the govt. to pay for it, shouldn't expect that it's a way to get on the dole rather than working for a living."
That's what Jenner said . . .
VA pays for my trans (disabled veteran) . . . but no "cosmetic / elective" . . .
Mostly, day-to-day, I'm just me. Authentic, integrated, centered -- somewhere between cis-M and cis-F.
@allison For clarification, I was referring specifically to the way they [my family] view the concept of transexuality.
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
Yes? I tend to prefer feminine individuals (I believe the term is gynesexual?). My gender affiliation doesnt seem to make a huge differences. My libido tends to cause trouble emotionally when I am dysphoric. I am currently much more interested in the idea of a romantic relationship than sexual.
Probably failed the challenge since I haven't posted everyday. I may have bought enough time with my bundles.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
Not to anyone in real life, not yet. Internet sure I love answering questions
24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
I suspect they suspect something, since as time goes by the people who know me seem to talk more and more about "crossdressing freaks". Or perhaps it is simply me noticing since I'm paying attention. Otherwise, not really an issue yet.
Guess I'll jump in.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Transgender, agender, nonbinary, and now I'm starting to throw in demi-male. I try to use genderfluid less, because I'm not 100% certain that that's what I am. If I am, I think I flow subtly between agender and demi-male.
I vanished, sorry if anyone cares :P
25) Your first queer crush or relationship: I honestly don't know?
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
I tend to go toward more androgynous clothes now, tighter pants, girls pants when I can (I have a limited supply). I don't have a very good collection of andro shirts I can wear, most of it's either boring mens clothes or too obviously feminine. The only one I really wear in public is actually technically a dress but I tuck it into my pants and it's androgynous enough it makes me feel better while not bringing up too many questions from others. (At least that I've known about)
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer.
They talk about how i'm a freak
my family, and friends
because of what makes me unique
So i bottle up, don't let it show
how could they love me once they know
Quote from: Kaya_Kai on August 24, 2015, 02:46:39 PM
I vanished, sorry if anyone cares :P
I care. I've been reading every one of your responses. Good to see you back.
Quote from: Kaya_Kai on August 24, 2015, 02:46:39 PM
They talk about how i'm a freak
my family, and friends
because of what makes me unique
So i bottle up, don't let it show
how could they love me once they know
Powerful.
A shame that love is so conditional. It shouldn't have to be.
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better?
Currently? My therapist. I'm working on expanding that list.
29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences
Still working on it.
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
That I am more biologically creative about my gender than most people. Also Pain, definitely pain.
Darn I missed this, poo. and today is the 7th maybe all do it next month ? :(lan
Quote from: clearleeraines on September 07, 2015, 07:29:09 PM
Darn I missed this, poo. and today is the 7th maybe all do it next month ? :(lan
No rule about starting on the first of the month. Start whenever you like!
I'm late also, so starting out:
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
No. I prefer male pronouns, but will accept anything, although I feel slightly dysphoric with female terms. Maybe neutral pronouns would work best, if they were universally accepted.
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
I was a tomboy, and clueless about being a girl. I tried, though. I just thought the rest of the people of the world were crazy.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles:
I simply dress androgynously, drive a motorbike, and do things that make me happy, no matter what cis people my age like to do.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
My main hero is Lady Gaga
5) Dysphoria and how you manage it:
It used to be unbearable and I almost started on T, then found that derris scandens, a local Thai herb, blends my female and male personalities, so I feel peaceful.
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
In 2013, when I read a book, Transgender Voices: Beyond Women and Men
7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
I'm slender and athletic, even though I'm 64 years old.
8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community:
Since the Trump election, people online seem more hostile than ever toward anyone LGBTQ.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition?
I came out to my close friends and immediate family, but they didn't seem to care, since I remain the same..androgynous clothing, acting like a tomboy. However, my ex-husband says he's planning to transition to female and wants to live with me. That would definitely "out me.
10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
No. I almost did, but the the derris scandens dissipates dysphoria.
11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
I've only encountered GSM groups on forums. But I live in Thailand, so I see gender variance all the time in the mainstream.
12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender:
I'm partially transmale
13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
They didn't react, but I didn't do anything different from usual..just continued to act the same way.
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
Yes. I'm partially transmale, gender fluid, agender, androgynous, asexual, demisexual, panromantic.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
In my case, there's no problem with dressing rooms, since I resemble an androgynous female. As for clothes, I prefer to design/sew them for myself, so I can skate along the gender line, or buy male casual clothing. For forms, I hesitate, but can check the "female" box.
16) Name some media you connect with queerly
I prefer to watch movies and TV series on Netflix with LGBTQ characters.
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
I don't worry about it, for now. My ex husband genders me correctly, as well as the Thai (I currently live in southern Thailand)
I'm starting late on this.
Day 1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I prefer bi-gender, but also non-binary. I feel the word "queer" in "genderqueer" is an insult, even if others don't.
Day 2: How did you grow up with your gender?
I was a country tomboy. I grew up with mostly male friends (the only other female in the "neighborhood" was a ten minute drive away), playing in the creek, climbing the hills and following game trails, playing soccer, competitive swimming and - dance. I wanted to be a ballerina, but as a pre-teen, just as I got on toe, my big bulky body (big square frame) and oversize breasts killed that dream. That and a lack of talent, LOL. My chosen toys were Tonka trucks, Breyer model horses, and Darcy dolls (a 1970s Barbie competitor). I dressed up the horses while the dolls were simply props for the horses, LOL.
My clothes wavered wildly from overdone pink frilly dresses to generic pants and t-shirts, no real thought to it. I just did what seemed right that day. Comfort was usually the primary concern, and I found dresses were simply more comfortable and less confining if I wanted to do something physical. Practicality was not a concern.
In middle school I made an all-out effort to conform to fully femme standards of fashion and behavior, and by high school I gave up and went to dressing feminine only for "special events" and if I felt like it. I played football with the guys in PE (took PE 4 years despite only needing 2 years), took autoshop and wood shop, but also tried out for cheerleading (that didn't go well).
My mom never commented on or particularly cared what I wore. She's a flower child hippy autistic spectrum person (chew on that one, LOL) and her mantra was "Only sheep dress like everyone else, and it's bad to be a sheep." LOL. So I never got ANY feedback from my parents, unless I asked for new clothes, which they thought was a nearly criminal act.
So, basically I grew up open to explore both sides of my dual nature, and did it in a manner so unremarkable I had no idea what it was behind the way I did things. No one said anything about it, so I assumed I was just a bit weird/eccentric.
Day 3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
Not my thing to do intentionally. However, I usually act as male, an alpha male even, while presenting totally female, which disturbs people. My husband once laughed after watching me get into a "testosterone war" with a very large alpha male cop friend of mine. He said it was one of the more mindbending things he's seen.
4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes.
I don't really have any. But then I can't name many in the CIS world I would categorize that way, either. I just don't see other people that way.
Day 5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
Mine isn't that bad, most of the time. Just a low-level "something's not quite right" buzz at the back of my head that is there most of the time. Since I finally acknowledged the male side of me as being real that background buzz mostly faded away. It's the worst whenever I try to embrace the male side and attempt physically to appear male, but fail hard. I nearly go into a panic attack when I don't appear the way I feel I should be able to. It can also hit me hard in sexual situations, when my male side is in charge, when inevitably my body's performance doesn't match my "expectations."
So far, avoidance of those situations whenever possible has been the best way to avoid the dysphoria. I'm losing a lot of weight to get surgeries to hopefully allow me to appear more male as needed.
Day 6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
First, I do not appreciate the term "queer." To me it is an insult and should be avoided. I am non-binary, I am bi-gender.
I always knew there was some masculine side to me, one that I tried to squash most of my life because I had no idea what it was, and was terrified it meant I was either a pervert or somehow crazy. All I knew was it made it very difficult for me to fit in with the girls or the guys. Over the years my husband has suggested, half in jest, that I needed testosterone. A suggestion that upset me more than it should have. When he announced in December he planned to start transitioning, it started up the conversations again (he came out MtF 18 years ago). While we talked out what each of us was feeling, it revealed a lot of stuff. On Jan. 3 I woke up with Cailan screaming at me from inside my brain to please, please stop ignoring him.
So, here I am.
(Playing catchup after missing several days)
Day 7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
My female side likes my slim shoulders, my long legs and my long, silky dark hair, and to some degree having large breasts. My male side likes my height/size, my strength (I am much stronger than a typical woman, even when not fit), and my man-hips/waist/leg angle ratio.
Both sides like my forest green eyes with gold central heterochromia, and my youthful appearance (which I have been told is 15 to 20 years younger than my actual age).
Day 8: An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
I'm not comfortable with gender pronoun preferences, especially non-traditional ones such as they and ze. I won't intentionally misgender someone as an insult, but once my mind perceives a person as one or the other that's what my mind is stuck on. If I perceive a person as being male, even if they're fully dressed/presenting as female, I can only see them as male. And vice-versa. I try to use the gender pronoun of their preference, or manipulate language to avoid any gender-related pronouns at all, but the one my mind stuck on sometimes slips out if I'm not paying attention.
My husband is MtF, and will always, always be male/my husband to me, no matter how far he transitions. I simply cannot think of him as a woman, in any way, ever. I've had 28 years of seeing him as a man, and this is who he is to me.
Similarly, as a bigender F/M, even when once I am post-surgical and on T, I will always be "she."
Day 9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc?
Nothing, really. As a bi-gender who doesn't really plan to transition in my open social life, not much has changed, nor will I expect it to change in the future. While I am planning to eventually use T and get metoidioplasty, I plan to continue living mostly as a woman. This may change if I discover the changes that come with T are right for me, but at the moment I doubt I will stay on T longer than two years.
That said, I'm already working to research how to keep my hair, the cost of to keep a beard from growing in, and voice therapy to keep my female voice from changing.
My pronouns are she/her. Always. I can't imagine this changing. Eventually I do want to come out to more than my immediate family, but not until the time is right. Probably post-surgery, so my more idiotic family members don't start the whole "it's only a phase" crap and start a campaign to try to "save me from a huge mistake I will regret." Jeez, I'm 47. I don't think this is a phase!
Day 10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I am planning breast reduction surgery for several reasons, including being easier to bind, but am also considering HRT and simple release metoidioplasty. I don't intend to physically transition beyond the meta. Once I have the Meta, I will probably discontinue HRT to live primarily as female. Only my husband and I need to know I have something "extra" down there.
Day 11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event.
I used to be a newspaper reporter, and I was assigned to cover a transgender conference. It was long before I understood what I am, but I already knew my husband was a deeply closeted MtF. The experience of being among them was rather dysphoric, being around a lot of the more extreme non-passing femme MtFs, which was mostly upsetting because it brought up my deepest fears about my husband's future, and the future of our marriage.
We plan to go attend another conference this summer, together, but with an entirely different mindset.
Day 12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender.
This is a tough one, and is entirely wrapped up with my marriage.
For many years it has had a terrifying, negative connotation for me. About 18 years ago my husband came out to me as transgender, and pretty much I felt my life was over. It was a disaster, and he went back into the closet. All I could see was how it might destroy the life we have made together. For 18 years, whenever I saw transgender news, and especially when Jenner came out and made it a major public thing, when I interacted with anyone transgender, I could only see it through a lens of a threat to my marriage and my life. When he affirmed it again in December and told me he planned to start transitioning, it began that way again.
However, this time we were better at communicating and we went to counseling almost immediately. All of which revealed my own long-seated gender issues. Now I'm seeing things differently, though I'm much better at understanding others who are non-binary. Binary trans individuals still puzzle me inside. I understand the actual science/biology behind it, but emotionally my mind rejects the idea of not having ANY bit of the birth sex left inside.
I still can't say I'm happy in any way with his transitioning, except it is necessary for his mental health, but now my reactions are tempered by my own understanding of gender within myself. I understand him better, and am learning to deal with it better. Our 28-year marriage so far has a good chance of standing, with our own unique way of approaching our evolving relationship.
My husband was actually rather excited, and is wholeheartedly behind me. He has been asking if maybe I'm trans for years. Oddly, he seems to hope I will transition to male more than I currently intend.
My daughter (19) and younger son (24) were unsurprised, and said they kinda knew already. My older son (26) was surprised (mind blown, by his words) but within ten minutes it was no big deal.
I had to explain what bi-gender means before I even tried to tell my mom (by phone). She had never heard of it. After I told her she seemed befuddled but accepting. My step-dad, in the background, was making smart-ass comments, but then he always does that and it doesn't mean anything.
Day 14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
No. We live in a very remote area and would have to drive three hours to any meet-ups or such. There are a few trans folks in town, but no one is organized. The most I do is online, and mostly for my own edification.
15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
In general, I'm happier with gendered things. The more extreme the better, on both ends of the spectrum.
Clothes - I love girly girl, and manly man. Right now my body won't let me even try the manly man stuff, but I'm working on that.
Shopping - is my favorite hobby. I will shop for anything. I can turn a trip to the grocery store for eggs into a shopping marathon.
Bathrooms - my presentation is 100 percent the same as my bio gender, so that's not a problem. I'll see what happens when
Forms - female is fine. Especially on medical forms, where your bio-gender is very important in your medical diagnosis and treatment. I'm not sure I will ever have a reason to write down male, unless something unexpected happens and I decide to transition to mostly or fully male.
Day 16) Name some media you connect with queerly.
I use the internet for research. >-bleeped-< and forums such as this site and medical sites to learn as much as I can. Pretty much that's it.
17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
I really haven't thought about it. The closest that has happened was a transwoman thought I was a transwoman, and I was mostly embarrassed, corrected that person, and I moved on. It still bothers me, though. Other than that I haven't been misgendered. I doubt I ever will be.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
Right now it's mostly exploring my newly understood identity, and how it fits with my transgender spouse. I need to know if my personal life has a future before I can even think of anything else.
Catching up after missing a few days...
19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
Queer. I'm a refugee from the 1980s, and to me queer is still a pejorative, an ugly insult, like the N word.
20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
LOL, I'm an atheist. An antitheist, even. No, no problems.
21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer non-binary?
I'm more comfortable in my own skin. I understand better where these masculine behaviors and desires come from. However, it's worse because I don't know who I am anymore. I keep wavering between completely shutting down my male side (is it even possible?) and letting go and taking HRT to *really* get to know my male side for at least a year or two. Perhaps then I detransition and can better separate the two, and be TRUELY a girl when I want to be, and something closer to a guy when I want to be. Not this mixed up mess that I am right now
It's also been messy because I realize how much I've lied to myself over the years. I always thought I had a girly voice. No. I got a voice test and found out my voice is androgynous. Which really upset me. The main thing holding me back from HRT was that I didn't want to lose my feminine voice. Now I learn I never had one in the first place. It really shakes up what I thought I knew about myself.
22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
I am straight as a woman, and always thought I was at least a 0 or a 1 (low-level bi-curious). Fantasies aren't real, right? What goes on in my mind while I take care of my personal needs is just a fantasy that means nothing, right? I guess not. Since I began to acknowledge my male side, to let him lead sometimes, I've discovered that when in guy mode I'm bi. A pretty solid 3. I haven't figured out what this means to me, or how it will affect things. I know it makes some things easier for my husband and his future transition, but my feminine side still needs to be treated like a lady by a man. It's all very confusing.
23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
It's complicated. I want to talk about it, it feels good and helps me work out my own confusion issues. However, it is very wrapped up with my husband's own transition, and he's not out yet except to a very select handful of people, so I can't talk about it without outing him. None of those people we're out to want to talk about it. They're either not quite comfortable or don't know what to ask, or it's a non-issue for them. In some cases know more than we do! Our kids in particular have a lot of trans friends and don't think it's a big deal.
Day 24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
It hasn't really.
25) Your first queer crush or relationship?
My husband. Though I'm not sure how that counts, because I thought he was cis for the first 10 years of our marriage. The next 18 years he went back in the closet, and he was mostly cis to me, still. Now we're working through our relationship, and trying to figure out where it's going. I'm the far less flexible partner in the relationship.
Day 26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender.
Ooh, this is complicated. I've been pushing my female side for years, and my wardrobe reflects both my denial of my masculine side, and the limits he has put on my femme side's choices.
On the surface I'm entirely femme. Skirts only. I don't even own a pair of pants. Shorts yes, pants, no. But none of them are frilly or pink or super femme. They're classic and businesslike, in conservative colors. It makes my female side happy to be a "girl" without giving my male side a heart attack.
I also wear 3" heels or ballet flats all the time. The heels force me to walk "like a lady" which I fail at. My mannish hips make me stride/swagger like a man. The ballet flats are only for when
Shirts, similarly, are classic and conservative. No ruffles. No bows. No pink or otherwise overtly femme design. My guys just says no.
In very recent years, thanks to helping my daughter be the femme girl she is, I've broken through some of those barriers, a little bit. I actually bought a (black) pencil skirt with a ruffled bottom - which felt like a real step forward as my my guy is letting me be more femme as a girl, and a couple of floral blouses with pink in them.
Since I've finally acknowledged my male side, he's letting me do more. I actually have a pink sparkly sweater, something that would have made me incredibly dysphoric about just a year ago, and a workout outfit that's mostly pink. Even the shoes have pink trim.
These freedoms to be girly are making me more comfortable to start exploring my male side in a more meaningful way. I've picked out some men's underwear that meet my requirements for physical comfort, and I'm waiting for payday to get them. I've also started feeling out men's fashion and figuring out what fashions are right for me. Mostly, so far, henley shirts. And possibly Levi's, if I get my abdominal surgery soon. Without that surgery I cannot wear pants of any kind. I do like Utilikilts, though.
I got behind again, which means I finish it up today.
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer non-binary. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph).
Oh, gawd, I hate poetry. Okay, here goes.
Man, woman, mixed all up
How can it be I don't know me?
I want to be one or the other
But killing one won't make me free.
28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness being non-binary trans.
My husband, always. And my adult children. Online I have an amazing collection of friends whom I found I rely on far more than I ever expected possible for people I've never met.
29) Some positive Genderqueer non-binary gender experiences?
I really haven't had any, positive or negative. Not yet anyway. Maybe when I come out, if I ever do.
30) What does Genderqueer non-binary gender mean to you?
Confusion. Uncertainty. It means I have two genders existing within me at once and while they agree on a few things, it's a constant tug-of-war over who I am. It means making decisions that hurt myself, no matter what choice I make.
I'm in University, so my postings will probably be very irregular, so I will take this challenge three days at a time.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I've mostly just gone by genderqueer.
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
When I began puberty and developed XX secondary sex-characteristics at a very young age (10) was very uncomfortable. I had these very large breasts that I didn't ask for. Before learning transgender was a thing I considered being a boy, when I got to middle school and I learned about HRT I gave the thought a more serious consideration but determined that while I feel very much "boy" I still felt "girl" as well and decided to let my body be and identify as a woman.
On a positive note, I came from a very supportive family that didn't feel it was appropriate to tell their child to act "like a girl" and had no qualms with me going into the sciences, playing with the neighborhood boys, and later dating girls.
When I got to University I discovered genderqueer as an identity, and felt very much comfortable with it.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender...?
Haha. This one has gotten me some flack. I will most often identify lesbian since it more accurately shares my femme-based sexuality, and it BOTHERS my family so much because I somehow married a man. When I try to explain that gender and sexuality are separate and at the end of the day my wonderful feminine husband and I are very much happy, they are just confused yet happy for us. Honestly I think my Mom is just salty that she didn't get another daughter out of this. But with my close queer peers, a lot of us share the similar thought that ones sexuality cannot be confined to a single word.
Quote from: infidel on March 21, 2017, 04:59:01 AM
I'm in University, so my postings will probably be very irregular, so I will take this challenge three days at a time.
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I've mostly just gone by genderqueer.
2) How did you grow up with your gender?
When I began puberty and developed XX secondary sex-characteristics at a very young age (10) was very uncomfortable. I had these very large breasts that I didn't ask for. Before learning transgender was a thing I considered being a boy, when I got to middle school and I learned about HRT I gave the thought a more serious consideration but determined that while I feel very much "boy" I still felt "girl" as well and decided to let my body be and identify as a woman.
On a positive note, I came from a very supportive family that didn't feel it was appropriate to tell their child to act "like a girl" and had no qualms with me going into the sciences, playing with the neighborhood boys, and later dating girls.
When I got to University I discovered genderqueer as an identity, and felt very much comfortable with it.
3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender...?
Haha. This one has gotten me some flack. I will most often identify lesbian since it more accurately shares my femme-based sexuality, and it BOTHERS my family so much because I somehow married a man. When I try to explain that gender and sexuality are separate and at the end of the day my wonderful feminine husband and I are very much happy, they are just confused yet happy for us. Honestly I think my Mom is just salty that she didn't get another daughter out of this. But with my close queer peers, a lot of us share the similar thought that ones sexuality cannot be confined to a single word.
infedel,
Welcome to the site.
Sorry to interrupt the topic but wanted to welcome and leave a message. I had to edit your post, infedel. We have a fairly strict language policy here. So, I will correct that and will not leave a smite, as we do for people in the know.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
With warmth,
Joanna
How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed? Recently came out as gender dysphoric and it is straining my marriage. I am mtf and wish to crossdress under my clothes, but don't want to disrupt my marriage of many years, so it is frustrating not having an outlet to feel feminine.
How did you grow up with your gender? I have been raised and educated culturally as a male (my biological sex), but as a young child had fantasies becoming a girl, especially a ballerina, played with dolls with a girl across the street, and dressed up in my mother's underwear all the way through puberty. My urge to be female became repressed for many years and I developed chronic depression.
This seems fun. I'll give it a try!
1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I'm not out to anyone in real life yet. If I had to classify how I feel right now, I'd say I'm genderflux between demigirl, agender, and demiguy. But as I'm still in the questioning stage, that could change at any moment. Hence the flux part. :)
I'm confident that I'm non-binary. So if I was asked, that's probably what I'd say.
Day 2
"How did you grow up with your gender?"
I grew up not quite a cisgender female, but not quite a demigirl either. When I was younger I used to be quite into feminism and "girl power", et cetera. But I envied boys. And I recognised society's inherent gender prejudices quite early on.
Come to think of it, my gender preference fluctuated even at a really young age. When we played imaginary games at school- pretended to be fairies, and so on (admittedly, most of my friends were girls at that age), I'd sometimes choose to be a male character; sometimes choose to be female. It never seemed to matter to me. And I always rejected the whole 'pink for girls; blue for boys' thing. And when we played games with boys against girls, I tended to go between the sides without even noticing. It's funny when you look back on it. By the time I was about 10, my friends were equally male and female.
The first thing I heard of gender identity was when Conchita was on the Eurovision Song Contest, crazily enough. I couldn't figure out if they were male or female, and then I realised I didn't care. My parents closed the TV off when she won, in anger. I researched it later and found out what genderfluid meant. I didn't really think about it again.
I remember so many other things which led me to question society's two-gender thing. When one of my friends couldn't join the school netball team, because he was a boy. When there was a "gender-swap" day at school- it was gender equality day or something- and the boys dressed up in dresses, and the girls wore trousers to school, but I didn't change anything.
When I was about 11 I learnt what transgender meant, but only within the binary. I didn't really relate to it. I thought I was stuck as a girl forever. I still hated things like dresses, and make-up and boy bands (we were just entering One-Direction-era), and pink, and I loved typically masculine things like Maths, and Science. It was then that I went into single-sex classes at school, which completely suppressed my gender expression for years. I lost all of my male friends. I faked being a cisgender female, to fit in. And that's when puberty starting kicking in, and that's when I started self-harming.
That's how I grew up around gender.
Day 3"What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / genderscrewing?"
It should say "What're your favourite ways?", not "What's your favorite ways". #BritishEnglish
I wouldn't say I'm that into genderbending. I wear clothes from the male/unisex sections because I like them, not to genderbend. Sure, I do lots of Maths, Science, et cetera presenting as a girl- but I don't see those things as gendered, even though society does. I do say variations on "Did you just assume <person>'s gender?" quite a lot, but not in an 'edgy' way- just to make people think twice.
Day 4"Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes"
When you realise you don't know any other non-binary people...or know of them, either. ???
I guess being pro feminists and women's empowerment af while being masculine presenting has upset quite a few people in my social setting.
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The farthest I've ever made on a 30 day challenge is 18 days, but I'll give it a try anyways.
Day 1: Uhhhh, this is probably the hardest question for me. I've (not openly) Identified as different genders, but none of them seem to quite fit. So far, the labels I've tried on are FtM, Genderfluid, Demiboy, Demigirl, Androgyne, Bigender, Boyflux, and Agender. I'm not really sure to tell you the truth, gender seems like a really abstract concept to me.
This sounds like so much fun!
In many ways, I already do some of these things.
I grew up knowing I was a combination of male and female, but succumbed to social pressure to try to fit in as a boy.
I wear a subtle mix of male and female clothes every day and its funny how often people don't even notice (or I don't sense them noticing).
I also have long hair so depending on whether I put it up or leave it down I feel just fine in my own skin.
I identify as bigender or genderfluid (I know they are different but I float between the two) and of course I was born intersex but I do not offer up my gender identity to someone - they must ask me first. :)
Relations with cis-gender people are mostly ok and most (but not all) cis-women are easier to get on with the most (but not all) cis-men. For some reason, cis-men seem to think that hanging out with me will make them morph into someone like me. LOL, how fun would that be??? :)