Hello, I'm 35 MTF. Been crossdressing in secret since around 10 yo. It became what I called a fetish that I hide. Ive been able to somewhat keep myself balanced through the years, until recently. The thing is, and I am not complaining, but I met my wonderfully amazing SO 7 years ago, and we are to be wedd in 3 weeks, and now, jus now...I've confided in her that hrt is something I do what to pursue. Why did I jus tell her, well because somehow I jus came to this conclusion myself, I told her that I am still discovering myself. She is ok with the crossdressing, but hrt not so much...and that has to do with the fact that we have Several kids, for one thing. She seems to see the kids as being the biggest problem, and I guess she is right...she asked me if I was going to want the kids to call me mom ? I said no, that would be too confusing... So, anyway she is not real happy with me wanting to do hrt, but she said I am her best friend and that she loved me and that she would stand by me, and so I was Super relieved, cause at first, it sounded like she was going to possibly call off the wedding, and I surely don't want that. It's the craziest thing to tell her right before the wedding, but I am jus all the sudden seeing things a lil different. I suspect that, part of it is that, now I have the security of a wedding with a beautiful woman, I feel free to be myself more, and the other part is,.... regret. I fear that I will regret not doing this when I'm too old. I was saying, I can wait till after the kids are all grown up and I'm retired and all that, but dam, I'll be almost 50 yo by then ! I'll surely be bald by then. I jus realized that I can't wait that long. I have registration papers for an informed consent doc. Office, that I am filling out tomorrow, and I'm setting up an appointment for hrt. I don't know what I'm going to do, as far as parenting and work and jus life in general, but I can't wait any longer...I now believe the stress, anger, anxiety and depression I've been dealing with is from being trans. Everything points to hrt now, I have to at least try it for three months and see how it feels. I really feel like it is the answer. Any advice would be appreciated. Guess I'm jus interested in hearing from someone whom had a similar experience..
Anxiously Excited Nichole.
@Nichole KunisDear Nichole:
I am most pleased that you had decided to join the site.
Thank you for writing your first posting.... other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to your specific questions and concerns..
Thank you for posting your thoughts here on this thread.
This is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done regarding your transition journey that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
Please allow me to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place.
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members. When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here.
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
I have included information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.
Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
@Nichole Kunis
Oh, and another thing Nichole:
Please find your way to the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) and write a much more brief introduction post and summary about yourself and your needs so that more members here on the Susan's Place forums will be aware of your arrival and therefore you may obtain more responses and information that you might be looking for.
Enjoy your time here on the Forums, I trust that you will find this an enjoyable and informative experience.
Best wishes to you.... and again, Welcome to Susan's Place
Danielle
@Nichole Kunis
Hi Nichole,
Well I think its safe to say you're definitely transgender because cis people don't contemplate this for as long as you have and take measures like you did.
I'm 42 and just about to start on hrt having come out to my wife a few months ago.
If you believe you have what it takes to keep your wife and kids together then I can't see why you wouldn't start on hrt now rather than later, after all there are ways to blend in over time while everyone around you gets used to the small changes, and there are ways to stealth some of the changes if needs be too. There are actually many options open to you along the hrt route. Plus you already have children so you don't need to worry about becoming infertile.
Wedding in 3 weeks! Exciting!!
Take care,
Sonja.
Quote from: Nichole Kunis on October 16, 2018, 08:36:36 PM
Hello, I'm 35 MTF. Been crossdressing in secret since around 10 yo. It became what I called a fetish that I hide. Ive been able to somewhat keep myself balanced through the years, until recently. The thing is, and I am not complaining, but I met my wonderfully amazing SO 7 years ago, and we are to be wedd in 3 weeks, and now, jus now...I've confided in her that hrt is something I do what to pursue. Why did I jus tell her, well because somehow I jus came to this conclusion myself, I told her that I am still discovering myself. She is ok with the crossdressing, but hrt not so much...and that has to do with the fact that we have Several kids, for one thing. She seems to see the kids as being the biggest problem, and I guess she is right...she asked me if I was going to want the kids to call me mom ? I said no, that would be too confusing... So, anyway she is not real happy with me wanting to do hrt, but she said I am her best friend and that she loved me and that she would stand by me, and so I was Super relieved, cause at first, it sounded like she was going to possibly call off the wedding, and I surely don't want that. It's the craziest thing to tell her right before the wedding, but I am jus all the sudden seeing things a lil different. I suspect that, part of it is that, now I have the security of a wedding with a beautiful woman, I feel free to be myself more, and the other part is,.... regret. I fear that I will regret not doing this when I'm too old. I was saying, I can wait till after the kids are all grown up and I'm retired and all that, but dam, I'll be almost 50 yo by then ! I'll surely be bald by then. I jus realized that I can't wait that long. I have registration papers for an informed consent doc. Office, that I am filling out tomorrow, and I'm setting up an appointment for hrt. I don't know what I'm going to do, as far as parenting and work and jus life in general, but I can't wait any longer...I now believe the stress, anger, anxiety and depression I've been dealing with is from being trans. Everything points to hrt now, I have to at least try it for three months and see how it feels. I really feel like it is the answer. Any advice would be appreciated. Guess I'm jus interested in hearing from someone whom had a similar experience..
Anxiously Excited Nichole.
Hi Nichole,
Yes HRT will feminize you but it won't make you do anything you dont want to. There is no reason why you can't still be dad. Getting on HRT before balding is probably a good idea. HRT will also take away fear and trepidation of living on estrogen for both of you. It will definitely remove the regret of,"why didn't I do this before I was 50 and bald.
HRT also doesn't equal transition but it can if you want it to.
I am a father to 2 boys 10 and 8 and my hormone profile is that of a young woman. I'm so glad I started HRT it allows me to get on with my life, be a good parent/husband & deal with my transgender issues. I first trialled HRT when I was 46 - now I'm 49 - and I have a very full head of hair! I also have b-cup breasts which I hide at work but love them as well.
HRT can be easily be trialed under medical supervision(of course ) and it can be stopped if necessary- there isnt a lot of downside if you are trans!
Check out my posts if you want to view my experience,
Kindest regards, Kirsten.
Hello Nichole
I agree with you and Kirsten. There is no point in waiting. HRT should provide the "proof" you may need for yourself but I agree with Sonja that you are likely to be transgender.
I wish you every happiness for your wedding and starting HRT and I hope your wife to be understands your need for HRT soon.
Hugs
Pamela
Thanks for the kind responses, I do really think I'm ready for hrt, Ive been dressing up more and more over the last few years as my SO has become more and more open to it. Ive always had deep regret, and shame hit me hard right after I would cum, which confused me for sure, cause I thought, that was my true feeling, I thought if I can jus keep from getting aroused, I could keep these crazy thoughts at Bay, I usually cum once every morning first thing (twice lately) then at least once in the afternoon. Strangely I've noticed that after I cum now, I don't feel so ashamed, and I actually keep the girls clothes on.. sometimes if I can.....which is weird for me, and new. It's like my subconscious is now more ok with it....jus like the other day my SO asked something about if I cared about other people knowing, and I told her that, only her opinion matters, and if she is ok, then I'm good. Another thing I jus realized is that, right now I'm into crossdressing and girls sexually ( not gay, as I keep repeating to my SO) and so, what will happen when I'm on hrt ? Will crossdressing alone still get me ...off ? If not what will ? I used to tell my SO that this was jus a fantasy, and that," the thing with a fantasy is that, once it becomes real, it's no longer desirable"....so when she would ask if I wanted to become a woman , I would say confidently, " no I don't want to be a woman full time, this is jus a fantasy or fetish" and I honestly believed that untill recently......
Quote from: Nichole Kunis on October 17, 2018, 04:37:27 AM
Thanks for the kind responses, I do really think I'm ready for hrt, Ive been dressing up more and more over the last few years as my SO has become more and more open to it. Ive always had deep regret, and shame hit me hard right after I would cum, which confused me for sure, cause I thought, that was my true feeling, I thought if I can jus keep from getting aroused, I could keep these crazy thoughts at Bay, I usually cum once every morning first thing (twice lately) then at least once in the afternoon. Strangely I've noticed that after I cum now, I don't feel so ashamed, and I actually keep the girls clothes on.. sometimes if I can.....which is weird for me, and new. It's like my subconscious is now more ok with it....jus like the other day my SO asked something about if I cared about other people knowing, and I told her that, only her opinion matters, and if she is ok, then I'm good. Another thing I jus realized is that, right now I'm into crossdressing and girls sexually ( not gay, as I keep repeating to my SO) and so, what will happen when I'm on hrt ? Will crossdressing alone still get me ...off ? If not what will ? I used to tell my SO that this was jus a fantasy, and that," the thing with a fantasy is that, once it becomes real, it's no longer desirable"....so when she would ask if I wanted to become a woman , I would say confidently, " no I don't want to be a woman full time, this is jus a fantasy or fetish" and I honestly believed that untill recently......
@Nichole Kunis
Hi Nichole,
Its very important to think carefully about your life as it would be as a woman - without the clothes and makeup, and without sexual gratification. I say this because your second post is quite focused on these aspects, but now I'm curious and I'd like to ask you, What do you consider all the facets of being a woman to be?
How do you identify with woman? I'm not trying to analyze or anything just wanting to get to know you more.
For example, I have many more girl friends than guys, I'm always more comfortable and more interested in talking in the groups of girls at parties or gatherings, I have a fairly feminine outlook and a number of characteristics and mannerisms that are labelled feminine and have been with me naturally since I was a child. I haven't tried to coerce myself into being more feminine by adopting character changes before I feel them naturally appearing - and some of them were definitely suppressed and are coming back out. Dressing, makeup and all those other things are really just embellishment on top of the real woman that is me without them.
Food for thought,
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on October 17, 2018, 05:03:44 AM
@Nichole Kunis
Hi Nichole,
Its very important to think carefully about your life as it would be as a woman - without the clothes and makeup, and without sexual gratification. I say this because your second post is quite focused on these aspects, but now I'm curious and I'd like to ask you, What do you consider all the facets of being a woman to be?
How do you identify with woman? I'm not trying to analyze or anything just wanting to get to know you more.
For example, I have many more girl friends than guys, I'm always more comfortable and more interested in talking in the groups of girls at parties or gatherings, I have a fairly feminine outlook and a number of characteristics and mannerisms that are labelled feminine and have been with me naturally since I was a child. I haven't tried to coerce myself into being more feminine by adopting character changes before I feel them naturally appearing - and some of them were definitely suppressed and are coming back out. Dressing, makeup and all those other things are really just embellishment on top of the real woman that is me without them.
Food for thought,
Sonja.
Ok, well, thanks again for you're response and thanks for taking interest enough to ask me questions. Well, facets of a woman to me are mainly the body, that I don't have, and feminism, which I've suppressed so much for so long that I'm not sure how fem I really am. How do I identity with women ? Again I'm not sure, cause I've spent my life trying to Not see such things..I guess I thought ignorance was bliss...and I can't relate to ur example very much unfortunately......I am socially awkward, or I have social anxiety, and so, I get Super nervous around girls, so I have mostly guy friends. I am not into alot of typical guy things like sports or football....but most things I'm into are mostly guy things, I grew up in construction, and so I'm a carpenter, it's my job and a hobby...so I usually build stuff with power tools in my spare time.i feel like I do have a feminine outlook, but I don't outwardly display feminine characteristics, but again I believe that I've been suppressing any feminine attributes that I may have once displayed....does that make sense ? Anybody in this boat ? Thanks again ....oh also I should add that, even though I spend most of my time with guys, doing guy things. I do feel and believe that I don't think like a guy, I'm the odd one, I've always been Different. I'm OCD about certain things, I'm what could be called "anal" about how and where I do thing's....I'm also a perfectionist, who can never find a middle ground, I'm always reaching for an unrealistic level of perfection. I have anger issues, (alot of issues, I know lol) and a lack of patience. When I get mad, it takes some time for it to pass, I get frustrated easily sometimes, I used to think it was my diet cause I'm vegetarian and I get hungry and with it comes being irrationaly irritated...I now think it is the testeosterone that does this to me, I think I have too much testosterone, I get frustrated so easily sometimes. Feel like subconsciously I am unhappy presenting as male, and it's adding up, and getting to me... I thought dressing up occasionaly would satisfy my urges and make me happy, but I need more and more as time passes it seems... please tell me what u think
I'd suggest counseling to help sort things out. Social anxiety issues certainly complicate matters. Transitioning makes it harder to socialize, as it adds a whole layer of issues on top of everything. You may want to get that sorted out before adding hormones into the mix.
I should also add that in my pursuit of happiness, when in fem mode I would sometimes smoke girly cigarettes (and never been a smoker in guy mode) and do other cringe worthy things that are ...well jus crazy ...I do it because they seem to be feminine to me. Last month I got a P.A. piercing so my SO can put me in permanent chastity ( don't regret that one though). This is also why I want to try hrt I feel like a slave to testosterone...I told my SO that I waste way too much time dressing up, undressing, hiding.... doing chores to feel feminine. I mean doing everything feminine that I can think of, I play with anal toys, not because it feels good, but because it's erotic and perceived by me as being a feminine thing to do....crazy huh ...I take things to extremes, I know no bounds, when I do something, I do it all the way to the max...lol
QuoteIve always had deep regret, and shame hit me hard right after I would cum
That's a very common feeling and one I had too, until I accepted I was trans. Once you get past that point, your life will improve and hormones may help. Also, there are therapists who help couples get over these issues, without trying to "cure" you.
@Nichole Kunis
Hey Nichole,
Thank you for sharing and being so open. I think if you read up on a lot of peoples introductions ( look through peoples posts and go right to the first or there abouts ) you will find various similarities to some of the things you've been feeling and going through. However I really should point out as you might already know that HRT comes with a few risks, like possible erectile dysfunction and a possible lack of sex drive (girls on susans have also said it comes and goes through different cycles) - some of the girls here can no longer and that might not be an issue unless your in a relationship with a women who still wants that to continue. DVT, deep vein thrombosis, breast cancer and various other heightened health risks also come with hrt as you have no doubt been told. I can understand your character is the type of person to take things to the extreme to really feel the full effect of something but there are permanent side effects to hrt that you really want to be sure of before you start - that you are transgender and that your going to change from male to female or something in between - IE non-binary etc) Chastity and stuff like that has generally come from a fetish background - I should point out the health risks of hrt are not worth it if this is where you think you might be coming from.
I think what Maid Marion said above is really worth considering also - hrt can help with physical and physiological side of things but there is also a social stigma for transgender people that can impact your social anxiety - I really think it is worth having some professional support setup to help you deal with it because sometimes If a relationship doesn't work out and you've placed all your trust and hope in one person - your world might coming crashing down spectacularly...
I understand fully your desire to start getting things done now while your younger so, have you considered taking finasteride for your hair while your still coming to terms with being transgender and exploring if you want to transition? There are lots of things on the menu but we don't have to order them all, my voice for example - I have no intention at this point of changing it, its not deep, it not high but I've decided I'm keeping it, no doubt this will out me but I don't care if it does.
Hope this helps, take care,
Sonja.
Quote from: Nichole Kunis on October 16, 2018, 08:36:36 PM
Hello, I'm 35 MTF. Been crossdressing in secret since around 10 yo. It became what I called a fetish that I hide. Ive been able to somewhat keep myself balanced through the years, until recently. The thing is, and I am not complaining, but I met my wonderfully amazing SO 7 years ago, and we are to be wedd in 3 weeks, and now, jus now...I've confided in her that hrt is something I do what to pursue. Why did I jus tell her, well because somehow I jus came to this conclusion myself, I told her that I am still discovering myself. She is ok with the crossdressing, but hrt not so much...and that has to do with the fact that we have Several kids, for one thing. She seems to see the kids as being the biggest problem, and I guess she is right...she asked me if I was going to want the kids to call me mom ? I said no, that would be too confusing... So, anyway she is not real happy with me wanting to do hrt, but she said I am her best friend and that she loved me and that she would stand by me, and so I was Super relieved, cause at first, it sounded like she was going to possibly call off the wedding, and I surely don't want that. It's the craziest thing to tell her right before the wedding, but I am jus all the sudden seeing things a lil different. I suspect that, part of it is that, now I have the security of a wedding with a beautiful woman, I feel free to be myself more, and the other part is,.... regret. I fear that I will regret not doing this when I'm too old. I was saying, I can wait till after the kids are all grown up and I'm retired and all that, but dam, I'll be almost 50 yo by then ! I'll surely be bald by then. I jus realized that I can't wait that long. I have registration papers for an informed consent doc. Office, that I am filling out tomorrow, and I'm setting up an appointment for hrt. I don't know what I'm going to do, as far as parenting and work and jus life in general, but I can't wait any longer...I now believe the stress, anger, anxiety and depression I've been dealing with is from being trans. Everything points to hrt now, I have to at least try it for three months and see how it feels. I really feel like it is the answer. Any advice would be appreciated. Guess I'm jus interested in hearing from someone whom had a similar experience..
Anxiously Excited Nichole.
Nichole! Thanks for posting. I too am 35 years old (one week shy of 36 years old) and everything you wrote I can relate to. Our only differences seem that I have been married without children for 14 years. I have been on HRT for 10 weeks and can tell you that for me the psychological changes have been phenomenal. You mentioned you are getting married which is a stressful event. I went through alot of stress this year too, which exasperated my dysphoria. Until now I have always been able to control it, but maybe it's our age that now makes it harder to keep in the closet.
Hi again Nichole
It is always interesting to break the mental feedback loop we all experience as males running on full androgens.
I don't know the correct medical term but descriptions include mojo, your fantasy, essence ect.
This psychosexual feedback loop creates desire, that creates physical response, that feeds mental response that feeds desire.
Most people running on full male androgens spend a lot of time throughout their life thinking about sex & associated relationships.
Beginning HRT with androgen blocker and estrogen will shut down this feedback loop. It really is a different frame of mind. I believe it is the frame of mind most natal females experience.
The change in mindset provides a golden opportunity for reassessment of one's life in general and a more objective way of figuring out the way forward.
The way forward could involve eliminating androgen blocker and enjoying a higher libido while running on estrogen.
The prescription and adjustments need to be managed via a qualified MD otherwise more harm than good can result.
I have personally tried this and my life is very good on a typical female hormone profile. (including androgen blocker)
Wishing you the best with whatever path you decide,
Kirsten
Well I now have an appointment at an informed consent doc, that my insurance covers. , so here goes....
@Nichole Kunis
Hi Nichole,
Good luck with your appointment, let us know how you get on so we can share in your excitement!
Best wishes,
Sonja.
Thanks for the kind comments again, it's so nice to find that I'm not the only one going through this. My appointment was rescheduled for the 31 of this month ! Halloween......so very excited ! I will keep u ladies updated, I guess when I do I should make a new post....? In what department of this forum Should I use for that I wonder....and how do I upload a selfie on here ? Also I've got one more good question, I am preparing for an eventual coming out & transition, and now I'm seeing my current job as being a very difficult place to be in transition.....I am really hoping I can find a job where I can work at home, telemarketing or internet commerce related, I've done a lot of work with eBay, but I need something more secure and dependable... Please share if u have any ideas.. thanks again, really appreciate it.
Quote from: Nichole Kunis on October 18, 2018, 07:24:51 PM
Thanks for the kind comments again, it's so nice to find that I'm not the only one going through this. My appointment was rescheduled for the 31 of this month ! Halloween......so very excited ! I will keep u ladies updated, I guess when I do I should make a new post....? In what department of this forum Should I use for that I wonder....and how do I upload a selfie on here ? Also I've got one more good question, I am preparing for an eventual coming out & transition, and now I'm seeing my current job as being a very difficult place to be in transition.....I am really hoping I can find a job where I can work at home, telemarketing or internet commerce related, I've done a lot of work with eBay, but I need something more secure and dependable... Please share if u have any ideas.. thanks again, really appreciate it.
@Nichole Kunis
Hey Nichole, you need to upload images to some other site like imgur - and when you do it can give you various link code, you need the bb code which you then paste into posts on Susans. Susans does have a gallery but it doesn't get used much. Also you'll be able upload an avatar pic after 10? posts or 15 or something like that.
Some ppl start a thread blog of sorts and keep that going, I personally find they can be detrimental as it seems to trap people when they post to it but don't get the visitors they hope for to share in their new news (and they get upset or depressed from it) so on that note I find it best to post to the main well used threads which you'll notice keep popping up. For your hrt and other updates - just post to the fabulous thread - itll be fine. For transitioning pics find the before and after thread, and if you're interested there is a 'do you think I pass' thread - which is really more about getting positive feedback on things you could do to look more like where you're heading etc.
Jobs wise, you could do -
counseling work for youth or transgender people etc ( very open minded working at those sorts of places).
retail - I went to a large 4 level store the other day, 95% womens clothing and 90% of the staff were all male and transgender female.
computer - coding, design, graphics, modelling etc there are heaps of websites setup with jobs that you simply bid on for that type of stuff.
website support.
something creative you could do at home to sell online or elsewhere.
Hope this helps,
Sonja.
Well, first appointment went great, they were super friendly. The doctor said if my blood work comes back good, then I may get a prescription on the second appointment, scheduled in 29 days...Soo very excited.
Quote from: Nichole Kunis on November 14, 2018, 09:24:25 PM
Well, first appointment went great, they were super friendly. The doctor said if my blood work comes back good, then I may get a prescription on the second appointment, scheduled in 29 days...Soo very excited.
@Nichole Kunis
Hey Nichole,
OH WOW - in 29 days you say? I will be starting HRT in 27...if I counted properly...my appt is 11th December...
Exciting!!!Glad they were nice and friendly
Take care,
Sonja.
Congrats to you both!
Thanks for the congrats....Oh wow, that's cool. Yeah my appointment is on the 13th of December, and if everything looks good then I should be getting my prescription that day.... fingers crossed...I hope that i can continue to keep in touch with you Sonja, as we both begin our journey.
Quote from: Nichole Kunis on November 15, 2018, 04:01:00 PM
Thanks for the congrats....Oh wow, that's cool. Yeah my appointment is on the 13th of December, and if everything looks good then I should be getting my prescription that day.... fingers crossed...I hope that i can continue to keep in touch with you Sonja, as we both begin our journey.
@Nichole Kunis
Hey Nichole! - Yes definitely keep in touch! It feels like an early Christmas present!! Are you going to do the whole measurement progression thing? IE boobs, thighs, waist etc? I'm going to do some and measure once a month - just for scientific curiosity - hopefully the changes will be so noticeable after a year that I won't really need to. ;D
Journey On,
Sonja.
Oh absolutely, I plan on documenting as much as I can. Measurements and pictures and all that......
Yay, I got my prescription.....day one is today !
Congratulations Nichole on starting HRT.
It is a wonderful feeling as you take the first tablet and/or apply the first patch, isn't it? You'll remember that event forever! Enjoy the rollercoaster ride!
Hugs
Pamela
Thanks, am super excited about what's to come. I was really nauseous and drowsy, on the first day, but on the third day it went away.
Quote from: Nichole Kunis on December 18, 2018, 07:45:52 AM
Thanks, am super excited about what's to come. I was really nauseous and drowsy, on the first day, but on the third day it went away.
Hey Nichole,
Congratulations on starting! very exciting!
Unfortunately for me my meeting to start hrt was cancelled as the specialist was away for the week and they were going to re-schedule me for ......March...So I carefully asked them if they thought it was fair to push me to the back of the line instead of all the other people who I've been waiting longer than..In the end I got an appointment with the boss at lunch time tomorrow (20th). Well... I'll get excited once that actually happens because I was heartbroken when they cancelled on me last week.
fingers crossed....
Sonja.
Oh wow, so sorry they cancelled on you Sonja. Good to hear from you again though.
Hi Nichole,
Well I had my appointment in the end, got my prescription, had to wait a day for my patches to get couried to pharmacy but - I've now started!!
Going to take lots of before photos tomorrow, and some measurements etc.
Take care,
Sonja.
Hi Sonja& Nichole,
I hope you put some stats on Pamelas HRT chart.
We would love to hear your experiences first hand as you go.
If you are game -a photographic prgression could be good as well.
Very exciting times at the moment!
Merry HRT christmas, Kirsten.
[emoji318][emoji72][emoji3316][emoji268]
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Congratulations Sonja on quite rightly having your appointment brought forward to Dec 20th and for starting HRT today.
You will remember today forever. Enjoy the rollercoaster ride!
I wish every success both to you and to Nichole on your HRT journeys.
Hugs
Pamela
@Kirsteneklund7
@pamelatransuk
Thank you both, very exciting indeed!! ;D
Sonja.
Sonja & friends, I am on YouTube now, under Karma Kontrol. I like that name better, please check me out on there.
Hey Karma Kontrol,
Thanks for letting us know, will check it out!
How have you been finding the hrt? I've noticed it's really affected my mood, I struggle with feeling lethargic sometimes and I feel more emotional.
Take care,
Sonja.
Congrats on getting started. Wanted to point out some girls like wood. Nothing wrong with that. There are a few on YouTube. April Wilkerson is one example. Alaina Lewis owns culver props and carves aircraft props.
Grats on starting HRT. You started about a month after I did, just 1.5 decades earlier in life. I can speak to the truth of your "I'll be 50 and bald by then" remark.
All of my girls still call me "Dad" and probably always will. I am ok with that. Kids are awesome. If you love, guide, and support them in life, they will not care you have cooler shoes than they do. If they wear the same size, you might want to lock them up...(Edit: the shoes. Not the kids. Just sayin')
I started on Nov 7th of last year. Check out the introductions section for my rather verbose journey over the last few decades if you want a different perspective.
Ricki
Oh yay :-) .....there you are Sonja, and friends. Glad to hear back from you. Wasn't sure if I was going to....since this is now an old thread, I know I should start a new one. But frankly I find this forum kinda awkward to use, sorry I don't mean to complain about it ...cause I am truly grateful, as this is an invaluable resource, that I am most appreciative of, and I'm sure it's just a normal learning curve I need to get over, not unlike most other forums........I do plan on figuring out how to use this site better at some point.... would like to update my name to Karma....and add a picture and all that.....at some point......anywho......I was very nauseous about 2 hours after I took it the first time.....but that passed completely within a day or two.....then of course the drop of libido came within a week or two, which was a good thing, cause I was getting out of control with my crossdressing..... life's a balance, and through time, I had lost my balance more and more, as my wife become more and more accepting of my feminine behaviors.......in a way, I feel cured......which is kind of wrong to say, cause being transgender surely isn't an affliction, it's a blessing. However, HRT has so far, helped me to regain my balance, which is awesome. I now know for sure that I'm on the right path, as far as taking HRT .......as far as Transitioning...... IDK.......I know I want to. .....but it's surely complicated as u all know, mostly with work and kids .....but I'm taking "baby steps" I came out to my oldest kids....and mother.....(Super awkward) lol ......and I switched jobs at work.....I was a "maintenance man" lol and I just knew that wouldn't work.....I mean have you ever heard of a " maintenance woman" lol......I haven't....it's a dirty job......it was a great job though..... just I found a better one within the same company.....now I drive a forklift.....it's better in many ways.... I don't have any idea how the hell I'm supposed to do this....I mean with having several kids (4 with no. 5 otw lol) but so far i figure the best thing to do is to take it one step at a time .... little by little..... instead of wearing pants to hide my shaved legs I've been walking around the house in shorts.....and the kids have all seen my painted toe nails......one step at a time, one day at a time...... anyway....after the famous libido drop, the next thing I noticed within a couple weeks was how slow my facial hair is growing, no more five o clock shadow......yay ! Now at 7 weeks in....I'm noticing Subtle emotional effects.....ive cried several times at movies that usually wouldn't make me cry so much .....I watched the Disney movie "UP" a week ago with my kids.....and I jus couldn't stop crying......I had to walk away.....lol.....then last night ...."bridge to terabithia"....(both must see films) so yeah ....have certainly had mood swings....and what I would call "having a moment" over slightly trivial >-bleeped-<....lol ..... definitely had hot flashes....or so it seemed....so yeah, that's where I'm at. Currently I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to transition, and raise my son. I have one boy......he is five years old. And another one on the way.......and when he saw my toenails, of course he said, "I want to paint my nails too" idk what to say to him. ...still working on that one.....I don't think there is a one- size- fits all solution here.....I mean there is no handbook for this you know so.....and today he tells me he wants to grow his hair out and be a girl.... straight up.........and i don't know what to say to him, I know I can't tell him "no".....that can cause "glamorization" which could make him want it more....so....idk....and believe me, aside from him having three sisters around him almost constantly, I've done my best to raise him like a boy, and do boy things with him, and show him that boys have fun too. So.....yeah..... anyway..,.so good to hear from you again Sonja....I've tried to connect with you on here, to message you or see what u post about.....but I guess, being a new member.....I'm still blocked from those privileges.......so please do keep in touch......take care
@Nichole Kunis
Hey Karma!
Thank you for sharing, I can really appreciate the difficulty with explaining things to your kids and how to react and proceed with things your son might say and do - I have a 9 yo son whom I've had to explain myself to and even to his friends which can be even more difficult because I don't want them to take a negative view on it. I intentionally dress male when he has friends over - but there's no hiding my hairless legs, underarms ( swimming) and long nails etc - which they do all seem to have noticed and made comments on.
Hilarious about your emotional reactions to movies - I was always rather emotional but now...I'm 3-5 times more likely to start crying, and oh Exactly like you said sometimes over the most trivial thing...which did spark a reaction recently with my wife saying "Why are you crying????" it was over the smallest little thing that I couldn't bring myself to tell her cause it definitely was an overreaction.
I'm always really busy with my wife, son and extended family over xmas holidays, and other holidays - so If you don't see me on SP its most likely because I'm too busy/tired Or I'm away etc. But I'll definitely stay in touch with you.
RE: name change there is a forum section where you can post and the admins will pick it and change it for you. @Cindy
Anyway, Take care Kama,
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on February 05, 2019, 05:17:37 PM
@Nichole Kunis
Hey Karma!
Thank you for sharing, I can really appreciate the difficulty with explaining things to your kids and how to react and proceed with things your son might say and do - I have a 9 yo son whom I've had to explain myself to and even to his friends which can be even more difficult because I don't want them to take a negative view on it. I intentionally dress male when he has friends over - but there's no hiding my hairless legs, underarms ( swimming) and long nails etc - which they do all seem to have noticed and made comments on.
Hilarious about your emotional reactions to movies - I was always rather emotional but now...I'm 3-5 times more likely to start crying, and oh Exactly like you said sometimes over the most trivial thing...which did spark a reaction recently with my wife saying "Why are you crying????" it was over the smallest little thing that I couldn't bring myself to tell her cause it definitely was an overreaction.
I'm always really busy with my wife, son and extended family over xmas holidays, and other holidays - so If you don't see me on SP its most likely because I'm too busy/tired Or I'm away etc. But I'll definitely stay in touch with you.
RE: name change there is a forum section where you can post and the admins will pick it and change it for you. @Cindy
Anyway, Take care Kama,
Sonja.
Any further tips on how to handle this. I'm clueless at this point, one of my many anxiety enduring events is explaining this to my 8 yo.
@Jaime320
Hey Jaime,
First I had already started to wear a few t-shirts that were femme, then at one point when my SO was away I wore a femme pair of flats and he asked "who's are those?" and I answered "they're mine" to which he said nothing. some months later I started speaking to him about it and it went something like this "so you know how some people are born boys and some are born girls? well some people are born and as they grow up they feel like theyre a bit of both or something else. like *****( a 'boy' who we know who is overtly feminine - but I don't know if they consider themselves transgender) So if I was to draw a line and say this is boys at this end and this is girls at the other end, then this (pointed to an area near the middle on the girl's side) is where I am in terms of how I feel on the inside. Do you understand? He said yes, and I asked him if he had any questions - which he did not at the time. I also said if you ever have any questions about any of this please ask me, and if your friends ever say anything about me you can talk to me about it. I don't wear dress's or makeup around him but I have sometimes worn skirts, heels, flats, and overt femme t-shirts etc.
One of the things that weighs on my mind is that I don't want him to think that I'm doing any of this to reject masculinity - and I don't want him to adopt any of this as a way to please me or gain acceptance - which young children can sometimes do. But as Karma mentioned sometimes telling a kid not to do something will give you the very opposite result.
I hope some of this may help,
Take care,
Sonja.
@sonja
Thanks, that's middle of road territory I thought of doing when I reach that point at home. I like the spectrum idea. Y'all are right about the reverse thing. I sometimes use reverse psychology to obtain desired outcomes. Never had to worry about do things to please so far. He does his own thing.