Hi - just wondering if anyone thinks it was particularly helpful in their journey to meet face to face with someone or others who was feeling and going through the same thing? I am sort of afraid to meet anyone too close to home! Is or has that been an issue for anyone?
I have met a couple trans folks at a local LGTBiQ night at a drinking establishment. Those friendships have been positive. I think some fear comes from being outed if you are not out yet and that is understandable. 95% of the people i meet are awesome though and i have made many new cis friends that are allies and supportive.
I've found this very useful, both through therapy groups and by joining a transgender social support group for meetups, dinner events, and such within the local trans community.
I have only met a trans girl once, Jessica, since she visited Switzerland. It was an amazing experience, and really boosted my confidence.
I would love to have meetup again or one on the regular, even the group thingys people do.
Socialising can only be good tbh
I've met a bunch of Susan's girls, and I go to the local transgender dances. There's a good mix there, transsexuals, crossdressers, genderfloaters like me, FTMs, admirers, spouses. I think it's great to mingle with all the diverse peoples.
Hugs, Devlyn
wow, I think I need to find someone or a group to meet up with - all is so new and scary right now- I feel like a school girl and that is a good thing, I think. I am so afraid to come out to my wife and family, but I this is me so meeting like gendered people would be amazing!
Well it has certainly helped me. I have attended conferences and kept in touch, traveled across this country to meet some people I met here, attended local support groups and texted and talked endlessly. I still do and this is why.
I knew nobody and understood very little when dysphoria ended my life as a going concern. I was scared, I didn't know where to turn, and I thought that my life was going to end alone, lost, and endlessly sad. The connections that I began to make with people gave me hope, but for me it is absolutely essential to hold the hands of my new friends, look into their eyes and tell them that I cherished their experience, believed in them, and looked to them for wisdom.
Somehow this network became a life foundation and I could see that even love was a possibility for one even such as I. Seeing your trouble helped me to become active and to speak out in both private and public venues. I was asked to speak before students at a local college. I found that as I studied and found my own voice that I became a useful resource. I became willing to go to where ever I could make a difference and to experience your joy as we together became whole.
All this happens with personal contact. I don't much care if you pass as the gender that you identify with. I don't much care how long you've been in transition. I want to know your story and I want to hear it from you lips and feel it in your embrace. I came here feeling lonely, different and afraid. Six years later I feel empowered and confident. We need each other and we need to be in each others lives in tangible ways. That is the fear killer. That is the foundation of an authentic life.
Peace,
JB
Before starting HRT I met Chris Deee. I have to admit I was kind of an ass, because I really didn't know what to ask her. I also selected a coffee shop that made her uncomfortable. So we went someplace else. Before I met her I did not think I would be able to start HRT because of all my heart problems. So I was just finding out that I could. I mean, I've dreamed of this for most my life. I have since been going to Ingersol Gender Center and have met many interesting people. I honestly thought I was going to find drag queens but I was pleasantly surprised that was not the case. We have a mixed group that is between 35 and 50 attendees to the weekly meetings that have taken place every Wednesday for the last 44 years. I am used to dealing with male egos all my work life. But again I've never met people so open and honest. One of the most consistent remarks in Susan's introductions. It all started when I was 5 or 6. It was no different for me. I have to say although I didn't ask many questions just the fact Chris showed up and was so open is one of my transition highlights.
There are many different levels that trans folk can be. I am not trying to be snobby saying this, but when I went to a support group, folks seemed to be at a very different place than I was. If you are starting out it might be a good place. I prefer to talk to someone more long term, establish a real relationship rather than going once a month or so to talk to strangers. I have established genuine friendships from being on Susan's. We commiserate, vent, chat, and care about each other as happens in a friendship. I have physically met only one friend from Susan's, in fact I will see her tomorrow. We are at a very similar place and it is wonderful to talk with someone who knows what it is like. I also have a trans friend who I talk to regularly. I met her through my therapist office. I very much hope to meet more friends face to face who I have met here. If you put yourself forward a little on here, you will find people you can relate to.
Moni
Yeah Laurie, you gonna visit me during my recovery? I know you will see this.
It has been amazing for me to meet other trans folk and chat. I think both group settings and one on one have their perks. Groups are good for meeting a variety of people and being exposed to diverse paths and stories. One on one chats with people you like are great for getting to know people beyond their gender story.
I liked the opportunity to meet quite a few trans people at group, discuss issues facing our community and then visit with other trans guys. It is liberating to meet people who understand where I'm coming from. I definitely see it becoming a regular part of my life.
Even better than group though are the one to one visits I have with a lady my therapist introduced me to. She is a lot older than me and transitioned 20 years ago going the opposite direction so our transition journeys are different. On the other hand, we have a lot in common and it is great to talk about other things as well as trans issues.
Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk
Hi Marcie,
I am going on a road trip across the country From Oregon to Maine. I let it be known here in the forums and have had many of the friends I've made here express a desire to meet if it is possible. As a result I have 5 additional stops to be making if I can. I am looking forward to meeting with them all if it is at all possible and I am pleased to discover so many want to meet me. These are all people I already consider friends who have already helped me in this journey and meeting them in the flesh can only add to the friendship.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: DawnOday on June 02, 2017, 04:54:01 PM
Before starting HRT I met Chris Deee. I have to admit I was kind of an ass, because I really didn't know what to ask her. I also selected a coffee shop that made her uncomfortable. So we went someplace else. Before I met her I did not think I would be able to start HRT because of all my heart problems. So I was just finding out that I could. I mean, I've dreamed of this for most my life. I have since been going to Ingersol Gender Center and have met many interesting people. I honestly thought I was going to find drag queens but I was pleasantly surprised that was not the case. We have a mixed group that is between 35 and 50 attendees to the weekly meetings that have taken place every Wednesday for the last 44 years. I am used to dealing with male egos all my work life. But again I've never met people so open and honest. One of the most consistent remarks in Susan's introductions. It all started when I was 5 or 6. It was no different for me. I have to say although I didn't ask many questions just the fact Chris showed up and was so open is one of my transition highlights.
Hey Dawn, it was my pleasure. If I recall correctly, the coffee shop was hot and crowded - totally not your fault.
When I first came out to my wife ages ago, we both went to the local support group. I found it sort of useful - my wife, not so much.
I do find having people to talk to (trans or cis) is a big deal.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
It is certainly nice to see that so many have had positive experiences in meeting with other trans people. My experiences (25 years ago) were not so pleasant. I found those I met be be quite catty and vicious. One even physically attacked me while I was in a wheelchair.
I would advise you use an abundance of caution. Keep your senses and wits sharp. Not everybody wants to be your friend. But, who knows? You just might get lucky, like those whom posted before I did.
I go to every meeting of my local, SAGA San Antonio, trans support group. It has been immensely helpful. From knowing I'm not alone, help finding a Dr, talking about stuff no one else can understand to pertinent discussion topics and special guests. I know I would not be as far along as I am. I also am in AA and go to the Lambda group once a week and that helps a lot too. I know for me it is being able to talk to others like me. I can't imagine trying to do this alone.
Quote from: HappyMoni on June 02, 2017, 09:12:46 PM
Yeah Laurie, you gonna visit me during my recovery? I know you will see this.
Hi Moni, (too full of a lunch meat),
I posted on this before I read your post. I will only commit to you being included in the "meeting with them if it is at all possible" list. As for when, if I can fit you in at all mind you, well that is the unknown part isn't it? I will have to check my calendar.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: HappyMoni on June 02, 2017, 09:12:46 PM
I have established genuine friendships from being on Susan's. We commiserate, vent, chat, and care about each other as happens in a friendship. I have physically met only one friend from Susan's, in fact I will see her tomorrow. We are at a very similar place and it is wonderful to talk with someone who knows what it is like.
And here we are!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FEiBd5in.jpg&hash=1ee0b3f323ccc4c406f1fe85c97563aba8f40183)
We had a wonderful time. What a beautiful spirit you have, Moni. You are as compassionate, intuitive, and thoughtful in person as you are on this forum. I thoroughly enjoy your company.
Quote from: HappyMoni on June 02, 2017, 09:12:46 PM
If you put yourself forward a little on here, you will find people you can relate to.
Yup!
Quote from: HappyMoni on June 02, 2017, 09:12:46 PM
Yeah Laurie, you gonna visit me during my recovery? I know you will see this.
Moni
Ball is in your court, Laurie!
With kindness,
Terri
I just wish I could find a group local to me (UK) but in a void where I live and being of an age where I don't want to go to strip clubs/ gay bars on my own (listed as local meets) . I do know there are a few trans folk around but don't know where, Dr told me they have a trans patient beside me.
Quote from: Maybebaby56 on June 03, 2017, 04:21:51 PM
Ball is in your court, Laurie!
With kindness,
Terri
Oh My Terri,
Didn't I answer that already? Well as much as I could.. Keep in mind Soni, err I mean noni, no that's not it. close but not quite riight. hmm let's see it was in a song... oh that's right, keep in mind Mony Mony doesn't even know where she's going to be let alone when. At least she hasn't told me. Oh I know she might be in Philly and then she might be in some podunk village in Maryland. How's a person supposed to make plans (if they were inclined to make plans) with such vague information as that?
So you met the twerp did you Terri? I'm surprised you were able to pin her down for it to happen. She does seem to be bouncing off the walls lately. Are you in the area also? You and I haven't crossed paths in the forum that much but it might be nice to drop by a say hi if I happen to be in your neck of the woods.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on June 03, 2017, 05:20:22 PM
Oh My Terri,
I'm surprised you were able to pin her down for it to happen. She does seem to be bouncing off the walls lately. Are you in the area also? You and I haven't crossed paths in the forum that much but it might be nice to drop by a say hi if I happen to be in your neck of the woods.
Hugs,
Laurie
Hi Laurie,
I live in Alexandria, VA. I would be pleased to meet with you if you are ever in the area.
Yes, Moni is going through some pre-surgery stress - we both are - and it was good for both of us to be able to talk and share our thoughts and concerns. She is a sweetheart, and I feel blessed to know her.
~Terri
Quote from: Laurie on June 03, 2017, 05:20:22 PM
Oh My Terri,
Didn't I answer that already? Well as much as I could.. Keep in mind Soni, err I mean noni, no that's not it. close but not quite riight. hmm let's see it was in a song... oh that's right, keep in mind Mony Mony doesn't even know where she's going to be let alone when. St least she hasn't told me. Oh I know she might be in Philly and then she might be in some podunk village in Maryland. How's a person supposed to make plans (if they were inclined to make plans) with such vague information as that?
So you met the twerp did you Terri? I'm surprised you were able to pin her down for it to happen. She does seem to be bouncing off the walls lately. Are you in the area also? You and I haven't crossed paths in the forum that much but it might be nice to drop by a say hi if I happen to be in your neck of the woods.
Hugs,
Laurie
As you can see from the above post, Marcie, it can be dangerous to talk to trans people on line especially when they have name recognition issues. For the last time, it is Moni as in Connie, Bonnie, Ronny. Not Moany you silly, truck traveling, non makeover, crazy person. Why can't you be more like Terri, Laurie. I should send you to Terri's charm school. Of course she is crazy enough to think I am nice. What she doesn't know is I try to be nice to cover up being butt ugly.
Now so I am not hijacking this thread there is a lesson here. This is the kind of conversation we have. Believe it or not, it builds trust. If you can bust on someone and joke with them, you can also turn around and have a heart to heart with these same folks (not Laurie). This is why I like on line over a support group for me. Just sayin!
Mon neee
I'd like to meet people locally, but I haven't yet. My wife runs into trans people all the time when food shopping, yet I have no such luck. :) you'd think Frys markets to our community.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I have yet to meet any in my area. I did however see a transwoman jogging by my house about a week ago. It was an OMG I'm not the only one here. It's so easy to think you are alone in this land that time forgot area.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk
In my opinion, joining a support group, or just making a friend when you run into another trans that you've never met, could only help. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on. So unless you meet a real lemon, you should be fine. I'm doing what I can to get a support group going here where I live. It's going ok, but kinda slow.
Good luck!
I am fairly new to the transgender world, two and a half years now. When my wife and I started we sought out transgender individuals and groups to help us avoid the pitfalls that are so easy for newbies to stumble into. The folks that we found fit into a wide and diverse mix, one in particular was a true winner and we have become very close. This person is gender fluid and not following my path at all but they understand my path and have committed to walk with me. They told me that I could not/should not attempt such changes alone and that they wouldn't let me go it alone. As time proved her true, she has talked me back from the edge twice and I am convinced that I would not have survived this journey with out her insistence and dogged commitment. I owe her my life. So yes, in my humble opinion and true life story, having face to face friends that share our world are not only helpful but at time critically needed. - Anne
Quote from: davina61 on June 03, 2017, 04:36:27 PM
I just wish I could find a group local to me (UK) but in a void where I live and being of an age where I don't want to go to strip clubs/ gay bars on my own (listed as local meets) . I do know there are a few trans folk around but don't know where, Dr told me they have a trans patient beside me.
Love I found this list and it appears to cover the whole UK. hope there is something on the list you can use. http://gendertrust.org.uk/directory/support-organisations
To follow on from Anne's comments, I can firmly assert the importance of face to face relationships. Anne and her wife were absolutely critical in my emergence. She and her wife were among the first people to ever meet my female self and facilitated my first venture into the world as myself. They were strategically positioned in my emergence, a God-given gift.
Anne also
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
I would so love to have face to face trans friend or friends. :(
I joined a trans support group even before I found a gender therapist. It is hardly local, being an hour and a half drive away from my home, but I find it helpful enough to make it worth my time to drive there almost every week.
Some of the people are annoying, just as you would find in any group, but most are warm compassionate people. It really helped me to realize that being trans is not nearly as uncommon as I had believed, if they can fill a room with 10-20 people every week in a relatively small city. The feeling of being all alone had been one of my biggest obstacles to getting past my denial.
Having some real life trans friends helped when, due to weather this winter, I had to spend a night unexpectedly in the city. I stayed at a hotel, but, rather than watch crappy TV all evening, I posted on Facebook that I was there and looking to hang out. One of my friends met me and took me to a trans-friendly pub where some of my other friends were also hanging out. We had a great evening over a couple of beers, which beat the heck out of staying alone in my hotel room.
You'll soon find out that most trans groups are just like any other group of people with all it's diversity a society can rally.
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
YES! YES! YES! YES! I'm not close friend with any other trans folks, but going to a support group was extremely helpful. I got the chance to hear the joys and pitfalls of others going through the same things as well as get the answers to questions I didn't even know I might have.
Quote from: laurenb on June 06, 2017, 06:27:13 AM
I would so love to have face to face trans friend or friends. :(
Where do you live? I have been updating the links for support groups. I have more researched but have not turned them in yet. I might be able to find a group in your area.
Quote from: Gertrude on June 03, 2017, 05:56:50 PM
I'd like to meet people locally, but I haven't yet. My wife runs into trans people all the time when food shopping, yet I have no such luck. :) you'd think Frys markets to our community.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I have located four support groups in AZ as that is the only place that has Fry's grocery stores. Most everywhere else it is Smiths or Kroger. I believe there are some Fry's in Albuquerque. But unfortunately only one group. Use the links above to find the support group near you.
I recommend being careful with who you meet. You have the opportunity to meet a bunch of really supportive people and make life long relationships if you play your cards right. This applies meeting with random people in general but I've noticed that if you are not careful, there are people (trans people included) that may try to take advantage of your vulnerable situation when transitioning. I've learned this the hard way and have been burned by too many people and have had some nightmarish experiences.
I dealt with all this business as a kid and was transitioned by the time I was 18. I never met another trans person until I was 22 and checked into the hospital to have SRS. I was pen pals for a few years with someone I met there but she was old enough to be my mother and then she passed away suddenly.
After I was divorced from my husband when I was in my early forties, I managed to meet and get to know three or four others thinking I might embrace my transness. It was less than a positive experience because they had all gone the more traditional route with lives as men, wives, kids, military service, careers, etc., and really weren't very much like me at all. It made me feel weird, different, like an outsider and in a way I felt they maybe fetishized or idolized me or didn't think I was trans enough because I'd never been a man and had to struggle as hard as they did? Not sure but it was but it was something? I gave up having anything to do with trans everything.
Fast forward nearly two decades later... About two years ago, in a totally unrelated and generally conservative news, current events and politics forum, I witnessed a young 20 year old member there open up about her life when the topic turned to trans issues. She was diagnosed at six and lived a dual live until she was 12 when she went on blockers, then HRT and had SRS at 17. The stories she told, the experiences she had and her attitudes and outlook were so strikingly familiar and similar to my own that I messaged her, shared my own story and we began a friendship that in a strange way, helped me get in touch with my own transness and history. She gave me the courage to talk about it and how I eventually ended up here and on one other forum. This is the first time in my life I've done something like this and I'm not on any other type of social media or out at all in real life.
What I've found so far is that I still am different from the majority and in a way, it's kind of isolating. There's a few here I can relate to, Julia1996 comes to mind as one but that's just creepy considering I'm two generations ahead and more than old enough to be her grandmother so it is weird for me. I figure most of the trans kids from my era probably didn't make it or are buried deep in the woodwork as my life has been.
As to the topic of this thread, does it help to meet others face to face going through this struggle, I would say it probably does because I think it's only human nature to seek commonality in others but what do you do when you went through these struggles fifty years ago? It almost seems the more I read, the more different it makes me feel. I'm even reluctant to offer advice here because what do I know about the things people are going though because I haven't had many of the experiences most seem to be dealing with.
In my own case and where I'm at in my life, I have no need or desire to meet others face-to-face. I do enjoy reading all the stories and experiences shared here and it's kind of eye-opening in many ways. That's good enough fo me.
It was extremely helpful to know others when I transitioned as lacked nearly all knowledge about transitioning. I couldn't look it up on the internet, my family wasn't any help and books about this didn't exist. Seeing others that were a little ahead of me told me what to do and how to do it making my transition possible. Between about age 13 and age 27 I was looking for and failing to find resources. Ages 27 to 30 started and completed my transition.
Through my contact with others, I learned about wigs, makeup, speech therapy, surgeries and how to adjust to the new life. All of this information was word of mouth and I couldn't get it from another source as close CIS contacts were non existent. I didn't have female (or male) friends that I could ask about any of this. I more or less lived in total isolation in one of the largest population centers of the world.
It's a good deal different today with the internet where any question can be answered with a few keystrokes but at one time, contact with others made a huge difference.
Quote from: DawnOday on June 06, 2017, 01:28:04 PM
I have located four support groups in AZ as that is the only place that has Fry's grocery stores. Most everywhere else it is Smiths or Kroger. I believe there are some Fry's in Albuquerque. But unfortunately only one group. Use the links above to find the support group near you.
It's just bizarre my wife runs into trans folks there and funny thing is they've approached her to ask questions about where to find stuff.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Lisa_K on June 25, 2017, 05:36:47 PM
It was less than a positive experience because they had all gone the more traditional route with lives as men, wives, kids, military service, careers, etc., and really weren't very much like me at all. It made me feel weird, different, like an outsider and in a way I felt they maybe fetishized or idolized me or didn't think I was trans enough because I'd never been a man and had to struggle as hard as they did? Not sure but it was but it was something? I gave up having anything to do with trans everything.
I'm sorry to hear about that but unfortunately I've seen it happen. It's unfortunate because, as someone who has so much lived experience being transgender during a period when it was even more taboo than it is now, you have much to offer the transgender community. Personally I feel strengthened by ALL transgender stories. I find the entire transgender community infinitely varied and endlessly fascinating. Support groups are a great way to discover this.
But you are not alone. Feeling "weird, different, and like an outsider" is in itself
very trans IMO.
Lisa_K, some people in the world are just messed up. "Not trans enough" because you had "never lived as a man?" Oh, good grief...
We don't earn valuable trans points for living in hiding, trying to pass as our assigned birth gender. We earn ever-increasing dysphoria, anxiety, and depression. We earn corrosion of our very souls with internalized self-loathing and transphobia. We earn years of therapy just to try and straighten our heads out enough to rejoin the human race.
That would be "not trans enough" as in "you are just living as your authentic self, and we're a hot mess." What I would call jealously and internalized transphobia.
I've spent quite a while in therapy now, trying my darnedest to make it work and being brutally honest with myself and my therapist, and I think I'm finally getting my head straight. Many other trans folks I know of are sort of stuck at 'hot mess' and in denial of their own issues, and they are the ones I see trying desperately to redefine the bounds of 'being trans'. They're the ones who truly feel "weird, different, like an outsider" and rather than deal with their issues they seek to redefine themselves as the new standard and define others as The Outsiders.
I'm maybe a little jealous of you, but I honestly think that it is wonderful that you skipped out on the whole 'decades as an adult trying to live in your assigned gender', and just got to enter adulthood as yourself. It makes it a little harder to seek our commonality and community to support your experience, and I know that can be hard. At the same time, I'm so happy another member of our larger community was able to transition early and avoid all that many of us had to endure.
You're definitely "trans enough". ;) We all are, each in our own way and on our own path through life.
Quote from: Jane Emily on June 26, 2017, 12:32:03 AM...
But you are not alone. Feeling "weird, different, and like an outsider" is in itself very trans IMO.
Yeah, I understand that and in the "normal" world my only perceptions of this are internalized as I'm the only one that knows I had an unusual upbringing. It is around other trans people that know my story where I should find a sense of commonality or solidarity that I feel the odd one out. It's not really a big deal but my being here now is kind of an experiment to gauge if these attitudes still exist.
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 26, 2017, 01:13:13 AM
We don't earn valuable trans points for living in hiding, trying to pass as our assigned birth gender. We earn ever-increasing dysphoria, anxiety, and depression. We earn corrosion of our very souls with internalized self-loathing and transphobia. We earn years of therapy just to try and straighten our heads out enough to rejoin the human race...
... You're definitely "trans enough". ;) We all are, each in our own way and on our own path through life.
I think for some, there is a points scale? Not going through all these years of hardship like most do seems to somehow diminish my trans credibility and some have definitely expressed, even if only subtly, the sentiment that I didn't have it as hard as they have. Either that or it's almost like some have perceived this as me thinking that I think I'm better somehow? I have enough of my own without trying to deal with other people's insecurities.
QuoteI'm maybe a little jealous of you, but I honestly think that it is wonderful that you skipped out on the whole decades as an adult trying to live in your assigned gender', and just got to enter adulthood as yourself.
That's almost what I'm getting at. Jealousy tends to lead to resentment or idolization. People seem to think that growing up trans and transitioning young is some magical life full of rainbows and glitter they wish they could have had. It wasn't, believe me. I had nothing but social problems in school because of the way I was and it wasn't until the 7th grade that I started and finished a whole grade at the same school as I kept getting shuffled around because the bullying was so bad or because my very existence was disruptive. Then there was all the ignorant doctors my folks took me to starting when I was ten and how I was attacked and nearly killed when I was fifteen and then was effectively grounded for the next three years "for my safety". I could go on about the things I did have to deal with but it isn't a competition. We each have our struggles and in many ways, perhaps getting all this out of the way as a kid before entering adulthood was advantageous but it doesn't make me any less or more trans than anyone else.
QuoteIt makes it a little harder to seek our commonality and community to support your experience, and I know that can be hard.
It is. Trans youth weren't even recognized in the 1960's and I was kind of in the initial wave in the early 70's when teenagers were first actually able transition. At least that's what I've read but I've never met any. I have chatted with one woman about three years behind me with a similar experience and she thinks most of us were lost to suicide or AIDS. I like to think there are others of my generation that have just been hiding in the woodwork all these years like I have because that's what we were expected to do back then. Trans youth of today live in a different world so there's little connection there either.
I also won't deny that some of my own feelings aren't involved and that I in fact may be the one othering myself? It is hard to put myself in the shoes of someone going through transition later in life. While I can comprehend the difficulties intellectually and understand the motivations that drive people to do this, it is all just so foreign to my experience that is hard to relate and share that common knowledge of what it is really like. I've had a good and happy life but being trans sucks no matter how old you are so at least there's that.
____________________________________
Yay! I'm no longer a probie now and have an avatar! No, I have not and never will post identifiable pictures online anywhere ever but that is me from the back taken last Christmas.
(and yes, before someone asks, that is my real hair!)
QuoteIt is. Trans youth weren't even recognized in the 1960's and I was kind of in the initial wave in the early 70's when teenagers were first actually able transition. At least that's what I've read but I've never met any.
Wow, that puts you among the first to be treated under the Benjamin Protocols. Unfortunately, there really aren't many peers for you to find support with.
I am probably just a few years older than you. I had the strong urge to be feminine in my youth, and expressed it a few times. Not a good move in a private religious school in the early 1960s, this led to a childhood that was fairly abusive even by 1960s standards. I eventually 'got caught' at age 15, and was 'treated' and 'cured' by hormone therapy and counseling.
Not what you think, kids. I got testosterone, and was counseled by a local religious authority who eventually declared that I was no longer a 'pervert' and would be 'safe' as long as I avoided those evil ways. (The cure didn't stick more than about 10 years.). This seemed to be the standard of treatment for us for a few years past when I got it.
I think that it is absolutely wonderful that the younger folks have been able to have decent, full lives as themselves. It does read like you and I had generally similar childhood experiences, but you finally got the treatment you needed. I got the treatment our culture thought I needed.
Quote from: Lisa_K on June 26, 2017, 04:47:14 AM
It is around other trans people that know my story where I should find a sense of commonality or solidarity that I feel the odd one out.
You would think. But it's very human I think to always be "looking out for the mutant." I have those same feelings due to being older than most trans women. Also, I identified as gay before coming out as trans. That makes me an outlier in many ways. I never married. Have no kids. Don't live in suburbia. Was denied the privilege to serve in the military because of my same sex attraction deal.
Also, I'm willing to bet that about 90% of the people in any given trans support group meeting are having similiar feelings. It's hard wired into us at this point, I think.
Also, not all support groups are created equal. I know this from experience.
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 26, 2017, 10:27:27 AM
Wow, that puts you among the first to be treated under the Benjamin Protocols.
Ummm, no. It wasn't until 1972 when I was 17 that I ever saw a doctor that even knew what trans was, at least as far as I know? A lot of stuff was kept from me and not talked about. All my parents ever told me when I got older was that they were told that I was "probably gay". By the time I was 12, I was smart enough to not say a darn thing to these "talk doctors" fearing I'd be taken from my parents and put in a mental hospital. My first official psychiatric diagnosis that mattered (that I'm aware of) was before the term gender dysphoria even came into use and my parents were told I "had" primary transsexualism. I think the whole primary/secondary thing may have come after the Benjamin scale or was adjunct to it? Not sure how that went but I do know there was no widespread acceptance of a standard.
QuoteUnfortunately, there really aren't many peers for you to find support with.
It's not that I need "support". All of this happened a very long time ago and is water under the bridge at this point. It's just the feeling of being such a unique minority and that there are so few like me that plays with my mind a bit sometimes. Seeing the stories we see today about pre-pubescent children that transition is presented as a new phenomenon. Well, I'm here to tell you the ability to transition is maybe new but kids that struggled just as hard with gender dysphoria, depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation is not. If it were not for the compassion and understanding of my nature by my folks, if they had not let me grow out my hair after the 2nd grade and let me have dolls and Barbies and do "girl stuff", I would have not have made it to adolescence. There was no hiding for me - I had always been obvious.
QuoteI am probably just a few years older than you. I had the strong urge to be feminine in my youth, and expressed it a few times. Not a good move in a private religious school in the early 1960s, this led to a childhood that was fairly abusive even by 1960s standards. I eventually 'got caught' at age 15, and was 'treated' and 'cured' by hormone therapy and counseling.
This sounds terrible. My mother in particular, was pretty progressive, open-minded and intuitive into my nature and the step-dad that came into my life when I was 9 was a retired Lutheran pastor and at the time a practicing psychologist so who I was and the way I was while not encouraged, wasn't suppressed either. I couldn't be. Neither of my folks would have stood for "corrective" therapies and that's how throughout the last half of the 1960's and into the 70's I was able to avoid these things. They saw no need to change me and most of the professional support I did have was for living in a world where people didn't understand and for the social problems caused by that.
_________________________________
Quote from: Jane Emily on June 26, 2017, 12:01:44 PM
But it's very human I think to always be "looking out for the mutant."...
When you are a "mutant" I think it's also human nature to seek out other mutants of your kind, right? There's now plenty of us (trans youth) out there, just dang very few that are even close to my age.
(I'm 62½)
Apologies. Merely poetic license.
Quote from: Jane Emily on June 26, 2017, 03:20:31 PM
Apologies. Merely poetic license.
Apologies for what? I fully accept my mutantness! :D
Wonderful. :)
This BTW is what I was getting at.
I would definitely say "YES!"
Before I started going to my local trans adult group, I felt like I was the only FTM, EVER. After not only seeing other FTMs, but ones further along the journey I wanted to take, I no longer felt like the only one. I thought to myself, "they GET it, they UNDERSTAND!"
And let me tell you, after 54 & 1/2 years of thinking I was alone, in many ways it was like coming home.
So yes, if there is a local group/club/etc near you, I highly encourage you to go!
Ryuichi
Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk
I would say yes and no.
It's good to experience the realization physically and emotionally (opposed to just logically) that you are not the only one. Or that others can achieve the "goals" set by transition.
On the other hand, it also drives home no matter how many people you meet, you still have to walk the path alone. And you still have those doubts about meeting your own goals, especially if you are not as lucky in the potential passing dept. as these other people. Sometimes seeing that makes people more dysphoric
Quote from: Marcieelizabeth on June 02, 2017, 12:40:59 PM
Hi - just wondering if anyone thinks it was particularly helpful in their journey to meet face to face with someone or others who was feeling and going through the same thing? I am sort of afraid to meet anyone too close to home! Is or has that been an issue for anyone?
Why would you be afraid to meet anyone who's in the same boat? They won't gossip on your secrets, since they wouldn't want you to share those.
However, generally speaking, meeting other trans-people wasn't particularly helpful either. We met, we chatted for a while, then no one would return any calls or want to meet again. It's like herding cats...
Although I've met Esperanza (mtf ts) and I had a lot of insight about life during transition when your parents don't support you (and about anarchism). I remember you and miss you a lot.
And I've met Tanya (mtf cd) who became a very good friend (willing to go out with you, not ashamed to have you in dress knocking in their front door at day light or taking me to a local grocery)... I miss your company too
when i first started to transition, my therapist suggested i go to local support groups. even though i wasn't even on T yet, i was still very far along compared to others in the group. i already had my therapy, i already was on my way to get my hormones, etc. my transition (hormones + surgery) only took me a year. i was very lucky and fortunate to have that but because of that, i felt like an outcast compared to others. i could offer guidance, what i did, etc. but i had no one who was in the same place i was i guess and because of that, support groups didn't really help me. it was nice to see how many people in my community are trans, etc and i wasn't alone, but it didn't help me i don't think and the people in that group were much younger then me (still in highschool while i was 21 - 22 at the time). i even went to a support group for older people (20+) and hoped people would be further along in their transition as i already had surgery and hormones awhile now but they all were still very early in transition, just starting hormones or not on them for long, etc. i realized it became easier for them to transition though as my college gives HRT while i had to do the whole "living as your gender" kind of thing. i met some cool people there but they were open, and very happy about being "trans and proud" while i live stealth, which i guess is also an issue. i don't mind being friends with people who are open and what ever else as i do not shy away from helping my community but something was just..off. maybe our personalities just didn't mesh, who knows but i know i just felt like i didn't belong.
either way, i know it can help a lot and i saw how it helped a lot of people when i heard people (especially high school aged kids) talking about getting bullied in the group sessions. highschool is hard, life is hard and those kinds of things i guess help knowing others are going through it or have went through it and seeing others come out on top gives us all a little hope i guess. i also know when i first started to transition, having those resources from others who have went through it would have helped like what doctors would do HRT, etc. it was a trial and error for me, but i know me being through it is helpful for others who are just starting out but it doesn't change the fact it was a lonely road for me not having people i could talk to really but i am glad i could make it easier for others, too.
I definitely think it helps, especially if it's someone who is in a place similar of the process as you are. I've met a couple of trans girls through my therapist.
I think it definitely helps. I always felt alone, and while I discovered this site in 2010 sometime, knowing real air breathing humans going through similar struggles would have been invaluable.
In 2003 I was seeing a therapist and was on the cusp of hrt. I got hurt badly in a sporting accident, and ended up giving up. I got married. Had children. Came out to my wife this past weekend because I can no longer live this way. Had I gotten into a group back in 2003 I would have been living as myself for fifteen years now. I hear the complaints and cautions, but I think a lot of these groups are pretty well vetted before they let someone in. The group I m in provided a lot of support and advice for how to communicate with my spouse and specific things that did not work for them in the past. Invaluable to me.
Now as I start my own transition, I look forward to the sounding board and support support structure, and advice on local resources. Sites like this are awesome, but human contact is invaluable!
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro
I would love to meat others from Susan's. But I am shy. I have asked if there were others in socal. But never get responses. And when I check to see if they are close to me I am too chicken to ask. I am a great friend to have. But it is just impossible for me to meet people. Because I am shy I don't do well in the beginning. But once you get to know me I am loyal to a fault. A bit of an ass once you get to know me. But I'd be boring otherwise.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Norma Lynne on August 02, 2017, 06:38:41 PM
I would love to meat others from Susan's. But I am shy. I have asked if there were others in socal. But never get responses. And when I check to see if they are close to me I am too chicken to ask. I am a great friend to have. But it is just impossible for me to meet people. Because I am shy I don't do well in the beginning. But once you get to know me I am loyal to a fault. A bit of an ass once you get to know me. But I'd be boring otherwise.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Oh yeah, there are plenty there (after all, it's quite a big village - LA). Just go around West Hollywood, or ... well, I forgot the popular places, but there were plenty girls there when I was around.
Quote from: jill610 on July 10, 2017, 02:20:11 PM
I think it definitely helps. I always felt alone, and while I discovered this site in 2010 sometime, knowing real air breathing humans going through similar struggles would have been invaluable.
In 2003 I was seeing a therapist and was on the cusp of hrt. I got hurt badly in a sporting accident, and ended up giving up. I got married. Had children. Came out to my wife this past weekend because I can no longer live this way. Had I gotten into a group back in 2003 I would have been living as myself for fifteen years now. I hear the complaints and cautions, but I think a lot of these groups are pretty well vetted before they let someone in. The group I m in provided a lot of support and advice for how to communicate with my spouse and specific things that did not work for them in the past. Invaluable to me.
Now as I start my own transition, I look forward to the sounding board and support support structure, and advice on local resources. Sites like this are awesome, but human contact is invaluable!
Jill, I am also outside the Philadelphia area. I am way behind you in my journey but I saw your post about a local support group. I have been looking for one close and would love to know more about your group.
Thanks so much!
Quote from: Jennagirl on August 31, 2017, 10:40:37 AM
Jill, I am also outside the Philadelphia area. I am way behind you in my journey but I saw your post about a local support group. I have been looking for one close and would love to know more about your group.
Thanks so much!
I am really not very far along, just started hormones a week ago. But have been in groups on and off for a while. Send me a private message and I'll send you the contact. There's a few in the area. The philly trans health conference is next week at the Mazzoni Center 9/7-9 so that might be good to check out too.