I wanted to ask all the experts on this forum a question. Here is the situation:
As some might know I recently ventured out as a woman for the first time in public in a different city about 90-100 miles away. It was great and I would like to do it again, but I have concerns running into someone I know since I am not out of the closet, only my wife knows about my feelings, nobody else. Therefore going out in my home town, which is a small town is out of the picture since I constantly run into someone I know. The mentioned city has a decent size, probably in the 750,000 - 1,000,000 population range. However, I do know some 50-100 people there as well. Granted, the chances of running into someone are slimmer (like .01%), but it has happened before (while presenting male, therefore it wasn't an issue). I don't care too much about people I don't know, but the possibility of encountering people I do know while presenting female is leaving me a little bit on the edge. The last time en femme I felt the risk wasn't too high as the place I went was not a place where my friends and acquaintances would typically go, but I was still nervous about it.
Here are my questions:
Has this happened to any of you ladies before? If one runs into someone they know, how should the situation be handled to prevent further gossip and getting outed even more?
Thanks for your insights.
HM
Well of course it will happen either before you go full time or after (if FT is your wish). Dealing with it is entirely up to you.
I think my first outside recognition (many years ago now) I said something like 'Hi' and kept going.
I did have my entire family, sisters and brothers in law arrive at the front door unexpectedly and that was fun. I said to the closed door. "I think you may be in for a shock" I then opened the door and said, 'If you have a problem with me you can leave now, otherwise lets have dinner'.
Overcoming this sort of thing is really about you overcoming the fear of yourself. I accepted that I was TG and that I was female and made the decision to live as me, yes I had excellent professional counselling and yes I thought about it for ..... a few seconds but I decided that I was me and deserved to be happy as me.
The opinion of other people was and is an utter irrelevance to me whether they be friends, acquaintances or work colleagues. Indeed when I 'came out' I gave a lecture to 300 students that the previous week I had given a lecture to as a guy.
The essence of transitioning, for me, is self acceptance. Once you can overcome your fears and accept yourself, then the opinions of others doesn't really matter and you deal with it very easily. It is after all their problem and not yours.
You just haven't lived until you open your door expecting a friend and see a pair of police officers who wish to ask questions regarding an incident involving one of your neighbors of whom you try to avoid
They were actually rather polite and called me ma'am, gave me a card and said if *Male Name* had any information to call them
Quote from: V M on February 18, 2019, 01:55:04 AM
You just haven't lived until you open your door expecting a friend and see a pair of police officers who wish to ask questions regarding an incident involving one of your neighbors of whom you try to avoid
They were actually rather polite and called me ma'am, gave me a card and said if *Male Name* had any information to call them
Oh yes!
I better had not mention the firemen and the microwave stove and definitely not the police and the mop looking into the back window!
It didn't (knowingly) happen to me, but several of my neighbours are also colleagues at my office, so I was very concious that it could happen when I started going out in public locally before I was out at work.
I decided to keep HR (confidentially) informed of the sittutation, just in case the work rumor-mill got cranking, so that they could react quickly if needed.
My first full weekend out as Megan, I litterally drove to other side of the country to a city where I knew no one, to avoid such a situation.
I agree with Cindy's approach though, if you ever intend to go full-time, people will have to manage their own reactions, all you can really control is the 'when', and even then not always that. X
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Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on February 18, 2019, 12:22:14 AM. . . concerns running into someone I know since I am not out of the closet, only my wife knows about my feelings, nobody else.
Socially transitioning (ie: dressing "en femme") is one thing but being "out" as transgender, with people you know, is quite another! I suggest stop hiding, running to strange cities and work on personal presenting "as female" 24/7 while maintaining "drag", male nominal dress instead! Never a big fan of shock treatment your family/work/friend acquaintances will eventually,
gradually(?) need to know!
These days many women dress
Just Like Males, with little or no variations, so "
what's the beef" and why, if fearful, even put yourself
out there unnecessarily when there are so many other ways to subtly express "femininity"?
Hello Iztaccihuatl
I will be going fulltime public in 3 months time and hence am still in the closet.
I take your point about not wanting to meet someone yet that is not aware of your situation.
Instead of traveling to another town/city (and that is fine if you prefer that), I have several times gone for a walk in the local park or to the mall and had a coffee there. I can honestly say that although, I have witnessed the "long stare" often, on only one occasion have I actually been insulted.
I strongly suspect most of my neighbours know I am on the transition road and frankly I couldn't give a hoot what they may think.
I wish you success with future ventures whether near or far!
Hugs
Pamela
Quote from: pamelatransuk on February 18, 2019, 07:50:49 AM
Hello Iztaccihuatl
I will be going fulltime public in 3 months time and hence am still in the closet.
I take your point about not wanting to meet someone yet that is not aware of your situation.
Instead of traveling to another town/city (and that is fine if you prefer that), I have several times gone for a walk in the local park or to the mall and had a coffee there. I can honestly say that although, I have witnessed the "long stare" often, on only one occasion have I actually been insulted.
I strongly suspect most of my neighbors know I am on the transition road and frankly I couldn't give a hoot what they may think.
Thanks, Pamela.
I think the difference between you and me is that you have already made the decision to go full time and probably could care less what others think, because eventually the'll know anyway.
I, on the other hand, am still trying to figure out where on the crossdresser to transsexual spectrum I fit in. Part of that is experimenting by going out multiple times and see if that feels right. Obviously I don't want anybody to know until I come to a point to make a decision towards going full time.
Plus, I have to mention that I am quite visible (even when presenting male) as I literally stand out of any crowd. That also draws attention to me.
HM
It has happened to me a few times, although when it has happened I was dressed fairly androgynously, not full-blown femme. It was embarrassing, but nothing too bad. We just chatted for a bit while I internally cursed. The worst was a friend of my mothers who had a big grin on her face while she was talking to me. At least she didn't complement me on my look.
Quote from: V M on February 18, 2019, 01:55:04 AM
You just haven't lived until you open your door expecting a friend and see a pair of police officers who wish to ask questions regarding an incident involving one of your neighbors of whom you try to avoid
They were actually rather polite and called me ma'am, gave me a card and said if *Male Name* had any information to call them
That's hilarious! That story made my day.
In my experience, you're unlikely to be recognized. I have been at a party, where personal friends didn't recognize me and on one halloween, I went to my favourite pub and again was not spotted. Just dress and put on makeup appropriately and you'll blend in. I went for the "Plain Jane" look, as it would be easier to accomplish and wouldn't cause me to stand out.
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on February 18, 2019, 08:03:33 AM
Thanks, Pamela.
I think the difference between you and me is that you have already made the decision to go full time and probably could care less what others think, because eventually the'll know anyway.
I, on the other hand, am still trying to figure out where on the crossdresser to transsexual spectrum I fit in. Part of that is experimenting by going out multiple times and see if that feels right. Obviously I don't want anybody to know until I come to a point to make a decision towards going full time.
HM
I agree and I understand your present position
Hugs
Pamela
There were a few close calls when I saw someone I know first and I quickly went in another direction. Also there is a possibility that some of my old classmates or co-workers have seen me but nobody said anything yet. There were subtle hints that some of them may know something, but I won't know until I come out to them and ask about it...
And while I'm quite afraid of meeting someone I know when I'm out en femme I sometimes put myself in situations where there is an increased chance of this happening, like shopping in the mall in office hours which is next to our office building. So it's clear that I would like to discuss this with someone but I am very afraid.
I imagined the situation hundreds of times and I think I would try to ask them for a quick chat about it and tell them to keep it to themselves for a while. Of course from that point on nothing is really preventing them from spreading the information so you may have to prepare for that.
I was out to pretty much everybody I cared for, Only not to my neighbor, who lives across the street (we have only 4 houses around here), and who is a semi friend of mine. I was really concerned, bcause they are Cubans, and I was concerned if the macho Latino attitude would blow up into my face.
When I arrived home from shopping trips, I always closed the garage door as fast as possible, so he would not see me as a female.
One day I was not fast enough, and he saw me and came across the street, probably to make sure that I was not an intruder. When he was close enough, he seemed to recognize me, and I told him that I am in the process to be a woman.
He shrug his shoulders and said "so what, I hope we still can drink a beer together!"
That was it, we are still friends, and still have a brewski once in a while!
All that fear and concern for nothing! I found that people are way more tolerant than I thought they would be!
And this makes me to love people more!
Quote from: Dietlind on February 18, 2019, 09:40:14 AM
I was out to pretty much everybody I cared for, Only not to my neighbor, who lives across the street (we have only 4 houses around here), and who is a semi friend of mine. I was really concerned, bcause they a Cubans, and I was concerned if the macho Latino attitude would blow up into my face.
When I arrived home from shopping trips, i always closed the garage door as fast as possible, so he would not see me as a female.
One day I was not fast enough, and he saw me and came across the street, probably to make sure that I was not an intruder. when he was close enough, he seemed to recognize me, and I told him that I am in the process to be a woman.
He shrug his shoulders and said "so what, I hope we still can drink a beer together!"
That was it, we are still friends, and still have a brewski once in a while!
All that fear and concern for nothing! I found that people are way more tolerant than I thought they would be!
And this makes me to love people more!
I love this post, gives me so much c9nfidence to face the future, and i also have been so so surprised by the lack of reaction I've recieved at the news.
There are a lot of good people put there and the rest don't matter.
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This has happened to me a few times...and both ways to boot. A few years ago my wife and I were in Vegas for a long weekend. Although we went for fun, it was also for me as we thought it was a place where I could be "me" full time to get some RLE. We stayed in the old town area vs. the strip to avoid all the obnoxious drunk "high-fiving dudes and bros" and bachelorette parties.
It started off just fine and things just cruised along. We were going to split off for a few hours the first evening cause she wanted to play slots and I was going to try my shaky hand at some craps. She actually kissed me as we parted which really threw me and it was the first time she'd ever kissed the real me in public. It was very sweet. I won a whole $25 at craps...which was $25 I didn't have before I started so I was happy. LOL I went to have a drink and as I was sitting there, minding my posture, how I reached for and held my glass etc., I glanced around and saw that pair of eyes locked on me. It was an ex-girl friend from HS. She recognized me. OMG OMG!!! That's all I could think. After what seemed like an eternity she got up from her group and came over to talk to me.
We had a nice chat and before I could even ask she said she'd keep it to herself since she realized I wasn't out yet. We talked about old times and where everyone was now. Or at least anyone we kept up with. She also shared with me that she always wondered about me and that it would have been interesting to know back then. ...I don't know about that.
The other time was when I was out and about after work when I was out of town. The city I was in was about 70 miles north of where I lived so I figured it was "safe". Low and behold, I run into a colleague I worked with in my home city who had moved up there for a new job. We chatted for a few minutes about past work and what she was doing now. At the end she did manage to get in that she thought it was weird and hoped I wasn't trying to be deceptive to anyone. Her words... Go figure.
The reverse happened to me twice the other way too. One was a person that I knew through kid's school activities and coaching. I had no idea. She actually came up to me when she saw me at the store. We had a nice pleasant long talk and walked away from each other with better understanding of each of us. The other was a physician I worked with when I went to a new organization. I knew them from a support group that I had been going to previously. I had never seen them in male mode but when I first met them at work, I knew instantly. We had some laughs and some great conversations and a good friendship.
Quote from: Dietlind on February 18, 2019, 09:40:14 AMI found that people are way more tolerant than I thought they would be!
Great story, Linde!
I didn't get recognized when I was part-time, but I did get 'outed'. I figured that, as long as I was in the city anyway, I would pick up some items that I needed from an outdoor equipment cooperative. Being a co-op, they ask for your member number at the checkout. The computer brought up my dead name! The cashier asked if I was <deadname> and I just smiled and said, "Yes. I guess I'll have to get that changed now." She smiled and carried on with the transaction.
That might not help Iztaccihuatl, since I had already made the decision to transition at that point. But it does illustrate Linde's point in the quote, that people are much more accepting than we tend to fear.
Great topic thread and my perspective comes from a place where we own our story and have the most influence over the narrative that is our lives as we know it best.
Coming out or being recognized may involve gossip opportunities and it seems too many of our friends and family will talk, often without our facts or best interests. For some this may not be news and we may hear "oh big deal, I knew you were...." For those hit with shock value there is often a salacious component and the tales of our exploits may become pernicious as is the nature of gossip.
I suggest we are the best equipped to tell our personal truth and own the narrative of our lives. It can take some time to talk to our many family and friends one on one. I found my story was "getting away from me" and chose to go way more public in stages. I wrote an open letter to family and friends and eventually found myself interviewed with my story on the front page of our local small town newspaper. Apprehensive at many points I found my way forward was considerably better after that. Instead of questions about my "new look" people had a head start in digesting the news.
I am an elected and reelected minor politician and community activist in a rural area and this worked well for me. As an educator and public official much of my life is public and i view this as learning opportunities for all of us.
We can become quite practiced at our personal statements or explanations and that part of transition may start right here. We write about our feelings, journey and sense of self with a mostly supportive and understanding audience. It is handy to have a simple concept to share when these interesting moments occur and they most certainly will..... :D
Quote from: KathyLauren on February 18, 2019, 10:56:08 AM
Great story, Linde!
But it does illustrate Linde's point in the quote, that people are much more accepting than we tend to fear.
Thanks Kahy!
And yes, people are mostly nice! I have ye to meet somebody who challenges me being a woman!
I had only one negative experience coming out, it was my oldest female friend, who I did lean on heavily when my marriage broke apart. She was of the opinion that someone talked me into becoming a woman, and hat I just need the right medication to be the manly man again she knew! She is very evangelical religious, and has not spoken a sigle word or text with me since! I feel sad, because we had an almost 30 years lasting friendship, and it is hard to let that go!
But I have to go my path, or I have to run with my head against a wall!
Hello Iztaccihuatl,
I was in the gayborhood early in 2013 going to group and met a woman I knew very well many years ago. At the time I was dressed andro but I was in the heart of the gayborhood. We chatted for 15 minutes and she kept asking why was I in the gayborhood. I kept saying I am on my way to meet friends. Then I would direct a question about her and her life. Eventually we went our own ways but it was very uncomfortable.
Next, I told a friend that I was going to transition socially a month before November 13, 2013, my coming out date, and that I thought he should know as he was nominating me for a public volunteer position. I asked that he keep it to himself and to specifically not share it with my childhood friends. An hour later I received several calls and e-mails from childhood friends. So if someone finds out and they say they will keep your transition confidential you can not be sure.
I informed HR and later my boss and then select individuals and then everyone. I had a plan and when someone disclosed I knew it is just human nature. I also knew to expect people to tell others. I even thought to myself when someone disclosed they were doing me a favor. HR was going to distribute an informational e-mail to the department but did not. HR and my boss were going to be there the day I came out at work and had 8 meetings with department groups but did not show. I think I grew from the experience more being there by myself.
The reality is you are doing this for yourself and you become your own advocate. You can not expect anything from others and do not judge them, just let it go and be yourself. Do not come out until you are ready and have the correct frame of mind and do not let the comments in. Also, do not think you know what others are thinking. Just accept yourself for who you are. Make sure you have a therapist to help you during this period.
If you know 10 people out of 1,000,000 your probability of running into them is low. if you are in an area that they most likely will not be then your probability is even lower. An example is the LGBT section of the city. If you are there during the week during work hours then the probability is lower still. If you are expressing in clothing and hair that blend in then even if they are close to you they may not notice you.
So, if they see you and notice you and you converse you can explain to them your reason to be where you are and why you are expressing and ask they keep it in confidence. Jut know they most likely will not keep it in confidence and that is human nature.
Why do you say you are very noticeable?
Something happened today which reminded me that I have forgotten to add one thing to my post. I have worked with so many people in the last decade and people seem to remember me because I don't really fit in as a guy. The problem is that sometimes I have a hard time remembering the faces of people I've met a long time ago. So there is a chance that I've come across some people who remember me but I don't remember them.
I was coming back from the shoe store en femme and I was waiting at a red light and there was this guy at the other side of the road, looking and smiling at me. I did not recognize him and I just didn't know if he liked me or I was clocked by him or he recognized me as the guy he knew from somewhere or if there was something wrong with way I dressed. The same thing happened a few weeks ago but it was a young woman who smiled in my direction and I just don't know what to make of it. It's perfectly possible that I forgot a lot of people and now dozens of them saw me dressed like that already and nobody says anything about it to my face.
I came out organically without any announcement to family, eventually, I had to speak with employees and contractors at my company but they basically knew before that. I just talked to people ad-hoc as the conversation came up. I live a city of 50K people, so I see people I know all the time and I live downtown, so that anyone who comes downtown to shop or eat is bound to run into me.
I never really understood or cared very much about what was going on behind my back. Indirectly it probably cost me money as people judged me and decided to go arm's length on business relationships etc, but thus far I have continued to support myself.
It's been a bit confusing for some (even some friends) as to how I present myself sometimes changes pretty drastically. Last year it was getting more and more feminine, this year it is on the masculine side of feminine or more androgynous. I transitioned to alleviate mainly social dysphoria and that mission has been accomplished, and now 4 yrs into the future I have to make my way in the world. As a trans person, that includes wearing what I want to wear or not wearing that which I don't.
The thing is is that I am the same person I've always been, I never considered my gender presentation to be that important in the grand scheme of things and the fact that some people are uncomfortable with this change in society with more openness, more acceptance and more fluidity, the fact that it challenges categories and understandings about the world that they grew up in, is not my issue. It's their time to catch up not mine. I'm sure there will future changes in the world that I will have to deal with too.
To those struggling with stepping out, I really do have empathy. More so, I have some disdain for some parts of the world/culture that makes people feel fearful and not fitting in. My advice to others is to plow through and be the person they are, everywhere.
Quote from: Lynne on February 18, 2019, 12:10:03 PM
...
I was coming back from the shoe store en femme and I was waiting at a red light and there was this guy at the other side of the road, looking and smiling at me. I did not recognize him and I just didn't know if he liked me or I was clocked by him or he recognized me as the guy he knew from somewhere or if there was something wrong with way I dressed. The same thing happened a few weeks ago but it was a young woman who smiled in my direction and I just don't know what to make of it. It's perfectly possible that I forgot a lot of people and now dozens of them saw me dressed like that already and nobody says anything about it to my face.
I don't know about the guy, but women seeing each other on the street often smile at each other. While walking, women tend to look at others with a quick 'foot to head' sweep, and then smile, as if to say 'all is well' with appearance. One of the more interesting experiences is for another women to notice something out of place, such as a collar tag poking out, or blouse collar poking out awkwardly, and then just reaching over and fixing it on oneself.
It happens and all you can do is trust your ability to improvise.
My story starts before I was full time and I had just come out to my boss and my boss's boss. Within a few weeks I was a part of a layoff. Was I laid off because of coming out or because they needed to cut me, I can't prove it one way or the other.
As I needed a job, I decided there was no time like the preset to go full time so I did and I found a job about 10 miles away from the old one as the crow fly's. After I had been there for over a year, I knew the company was hiring so I wasn't surprised to see somebody waiting outside my boss's office. What did surprise me was to see that it was my boss applying for work. I talked with him for a few minutes and life went on.
Another day, the receptionist said she left her glasses at home and her husband was bringing them to work. To my surprise, it turned out to be my boss's boss. We didn't talk but I wonder what the conversation was at home after work.
It's possible that one of the above blew my cover and that's part of the reason I lost that job as well. I will never know but one thing comes to mind and that's the movie 9 to 5. The panic that happens inside when something goes wrong but yet the need to maintain a cool exterior. The world doesn't end as long as you keep your cool and life goes on.
Quote from: Rachel on February 18, 2019, 11:53:14 AM
Why do you say you are very noticeable?
I am VERY tall. I constantly get asked if I am a basketball player. No matter how I am dressed (male or female), I just can't blend in with the crowd. A couple of years ago I visited a National Park in Zhangjiajie in China in boy mode and you won't believe how many people asked to take a picture with me! Now imagine a woman of that size. I know there are very few cis-women who are as tall as I am, but they stand out the same as I do.
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Quote from: RobynD on February 18, 2019, 12:32:05 PM
The thing is is that I am the same person I've always been, I never considered my gender presentation to be that important in the grand scheme of things and the fact that some people are uncomfortable with this change in society with more openness, more acceptance and more fluidity, the fact that it challenges categories and understandings about the world that they grew up in, is not my issue. It's their time to catch up not mine. I'm sure there will future changes in the world that I will have to deal with too.
To those struggling with stepping out, I really do have empathy. More so, I have some disdain for some parts of the world/culture that makes people feel fearful and not fitting in. My advice to others is to plow through and be the person they are, everywhere.
Hello Robyn
This summary is so true. I agree precisely.
As I said previously, I am technically still in the closet and have been out only locally several times. However I am definitely transitioning in Summer and will bear your advice in mind.
Hugs
Pamela
I've had this happen three times, twice with the same friend, and one close call. While my girlfriend was pregnant one of the only things she could keep down was fountain soda. Driving home one night, she stopped at a gas station and asked me to run inside. I'd completely forgotten that one of my friends worked there, until I walked up to the counter to pay. He didn't seem to catch on, and we chatted for what seemed like forever as I waited for the card reader to finish. Saw him in guy mode the next week with no comments. Happened again a month or so later.
The other incident I bumped into a friend of a friend who'd I'd talked with a few times, enough for him to recognise me, or so he thought. He did a double take and said, "sorry, I thought you were someone else."
"Oh, I get that a lot, dont worry," and I hurried to a different aisle.
So in my experience as well, people may not recognise you.
First of all, I love your approach of figuring out where you fit on the trans spectrum by going out and getting real life experience. I went to a different city for my electrolysis and first exploits in presenting female to avoid my story getting out before I was ready. I luckily was not seen by anyone. If I had, I would have talked to them and asked for them to hold that information. With my coming out I wanted to control the way I presented the information about my transition.
I have a story about how you think folks perceive you and how it can be totally wrong. It happened yesterday. I went to a Bob Evans, sat down facing the kitchen. I usually am not clocked in public (as far as I can tell) but I looked at this guy looking my way from the kitchen. He bent down some to get a clear look and he was smiling, kind of giggling. I thought this was some kind of idiot who thought me being trans was a joke. So we leave the restaurant and I tell my partner. She then says, "I guess you didn't see the guy behind you?" It turns out there was a roughly 70 year old man with a Mohawk with bright blue hair sitting right behind me. Point of the story? Ya never can tell what is in people's minds. When I first came out I thought everyone was staring at me. I decided to wear dark sunglasses to hide my eyes so I could see other people's eyes. It turns out, people weren't staring at me, they were just going about their lives just like before.
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on February 18, 2019, 04:49:32 PM
I am VERY tall. I constantly get asked if I am a basketball player. No matter how I am dressed (male or female), I just can't blend in with the crowd. A couple of years ago I visited a National Park in Zhangjiajie in China in boy mode and you won't believe how many people asked to take a picture with me! Now imagine a woman of that size. I know there are very few cis-women who are as tall as I am, but they stand out the same as I do.
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I've made my peace with standing out. I'll never blend in anyway. I know I 'pass' so most of the noticing is just that... I look a bit different to the crowd and you know what? Thats ok!
Quote from: AoifeB on February 19, 2019, 08:28:04 AM
I've had this happen three times, twice with the same friend, and one close call. While my girlfriend was pregnant one of the only things she could keep down was fountain soda. Driving home one night, she stopped at a gas station and asked me to run inside. I'd completely forgotten that one of my friends worked there, until I walked up to the counter to pay. He didn't seem to catch on, and we chatted for what seemed like forever as I waited for the card reader to finish. Saw him in guy mode the next week with no comments. Happened again a month or so later.
The other incident I bumped into a friend of a friend who'd I'd talked with a few times, enough for him to recognise me, or so he thought. He did a double take and said, "sorry, I thought you were someone else."
"Oh, I get that a lot, dont worry," and I hurried to a different aisle.
So in my experience as well, people may not recognise you.
Been there. People I used to attend church with when I was with the mother of my kids run stores in the main street. These days they can look right at me and not have a clue who I am. I've had my kids Teachers look right through me before I reminded them I am indeed the person they were looking for!
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 20, 2019, 12:26:11 PM
I've made my peace with standing out. I'll never blend in anyway. I know I 'pass' so most of the noticing is just that... I look a bit different to the crowd and you know what? Thats ok!
Please don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with my height per se. I am actually proud of all my 6'6" and never had an issue (except when buying clothes or sitting in an airplane). It is just that at this moment when I cautiously try to spread my feminine wings I prefer to go unnoticed.
In my dreams and fantasy world I am a super tall and confident woman with a charming smile who is not afraid of putting on heels despite her height. But I have to realize that my current status quo is that others probably see me as a guy in a dress (although when looking in the mirror I don't see it that way, but I am admittedly also a bit biased on this topic...)
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Quote from: HappyMoni on February 20, 2019, 07:47:56 AM
First of all, I love your approach of figuring out where you fit on the trans spectrum by going out and getting real life experience. I went to a different city for my electrolysis and first exploits in presenting female to avoid my story getting out before I was ready. I luckily was not seen by anyone. If I had, I would have talked to them and asked for them to hold that information. With my coming out I wanted to control the way I presented the information about my transition.
I have a story about how you think folks perceive you and how it can be totally wrong. It happened yesterday. I went to a Bob Evans, sat down facing the kitchen. I usually am not clocked in public (as far as I can tell) but I looked at this guy looking my way from the kitchen. He bent down some to get a clear look and he was smiling, kind of giggling. I thought this was some kind of idiot who thought me being trans was a joke. So we leave the restaurant and I tell my partner. She then says, "I guess you didn't see the guy behind you?" It turns out there was a roughly 70 year old man with a Mohawk with bright blue hair sitting right behind me. Point of the story? Ya never can tell what is in people's minds. When I first came out I thought everyone was staring at me. I decided to wear dark sunglasses to hide my eyes so I could see other people's eyes. It turns out, people weren't staring at me, they were just going about their lives just like before.
Yeah, it would really be great if we could read other people's minds (only their opinions about ourselves, I don't want to get into their other emotional baggage, I've got enough of that for my own)...
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I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all you ladies who have answered on this thread and shared their amazing stories, I loved reading them all!
Some stories shared here mention that others didn't recognize you when en femme. I assume that this was mostly due to the use of wigs, that drastically change the appearance of the face. I for my part never found a wig that fit well (large head circumference) and was reasonably priced and I also feel hot and start to sweat pretty soon when wearing a wig. For that reason I have let my hair grow out, therefore the only difference (except for makeup where I try not to over-do it) is that en homme I wear it in a ponytail while en femme I wear it open. So, this also contributes to my insecurities and fear of getting recognized easily.
Love,
HM
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QuoteSome stories shared here mention that others didn't recognize you when en femme. I assume that this was mostly due to the use of wigs, that drastically change the appearance of the face.
I was wearing a wig on those occasions I wasn't recognized.
Incidentally, this afternoon at the local mall, I noticed a cross-dresser, with his/her girlfriend or sister. The only clue was the 5 o'clock shadow. Either that, or she was a CIS woman desperately in need of laser or electrolysis. ;)
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on February 20, 2019, 04:05:49 PM
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all you ladies who have answered on this thread and shared their amazing stories, I loved reading them all!
Some stories shared here mention that others didn't recognize you when en femme. I assume that this was mostly due to the use of wigs, that drastically change the appearance of the face. I for my part never found a wig that fit well (large head circumference) and was reasonably priced and I also feel hot and start to sweat pretty soon when wearing a wig. For that reason I have let my hair grow out, therefore the only difference (except for makeup where I try not to over-do it) is that en homme I wear it in a ponytail while en femme I wear it open. So, this also contributes to my insecurities and fear of getting recognized easily.
Love,
HM
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Never used a wig, all due to hormones and presentation...
No wig, just some lipstick and clothing