I WAS THINKING THE OTHER DAY, HOW HAPPY I WAS MOVING FORWARD. I AM EXCITED, GOAL ORIENTED AND HAVE A POSITIVE MINDSET TO REACH ALL MY GOALS/OBJECTIVES.
THE ONE PART OF ALL THE MY EFFORTS, COUNSELING, THERAPY, LIFE THAT GIVES ME COMFORT IS MY FORM. BREASTS TO BE EXACT. I SHOULD HAVE HAD THEM SINCE PUBERTY & HAVE FELT A HUGE VOID WITHOUT THEM. AFTER 4 YEARS OF WORK, NO HORMONES, HEALTHY DIET AND GOD KNOWS HOW MANY HOURS, I HAVE WHAT I SHOULD HAVE HAD ALL ALONG.
WHAT VALIDATES/GIVES YOU PEACE DURING ALL THE STRUGGLES?
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My super supportive hubby, who encourages me.
I don't think I can fairly call it the "One" thing since it is composed of a constellation of live experiences that eventually led to me "Taking on the Trans-Beast, For Real"
I spent decades learning what doesn't work, never being at peace with myself. Today I am at peace in more ways I could have imagined 8 years ago.
Well, I know this is kinda shallow, but being called ma'am when I'm out I guess makes me feel "special." I have an accepting spouse, but I honestly can't think of anything that makes me feel secure. My spirituality sustains me, but I can't say it makes me feel secure. Maybe I can work on this with my GT.
Nothing. It was a matter of many skirmishes attempting to stay ahead of constant depression. It was only the decision to remain alive until I tried everything I could that kept me going and the battle didn't end when I had surgery. I had two additional job losses and over two and a half years of unemployment to deal with before I had a real life. Yes, after surgery I was no longer dealing with dysphoria and for the most part the depression was gone but life was in turmoil for about 4 years after surgery.
Going into a store or a restaurant with my wife and being greeted with "Hi, ladies!" or any similar validation.
A specific example, just for fun...
My very first time in town as myself after going full-time, I went into a jeweller's shop to pick up a pendant that I had dropped off for some work. I had brought it in as my old male self. Now I was picking it up as me. I gave her the claim check and she went in the back and got it. Then she came out and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, <dead name> has to come in and sign for it himself." I was happy to accept the moment of awkwardness that resulted in exchange for the validation of my first ever pass!
For me it's my dad and boyfriend.
I don't know that I do feel special or secure. I've lived so long feeling just the opposite. Undeserving and insecure is the norm for me. In spite of my best efforts to ensure security it still feels like it eludes me. My world keeps falling apart around me. I should feel grateful for all I have but it's not what I want.
For me it's the validation from friends and neighbors that see I'm changing, but think it's just diet alone. Yes, I've lost a lot of weight, but that's not all that's happening:) it makes me smile everytime somebody says I look great, commenting on the weight loss.
Can't say I feel special, but the things that make me feel secure all relate in one way or another to money. With money I can control my own destiny, without it I'm more dependent on others and that makes me feel less secure.
I'm in constant struggle with my own mind, my current self telling me to forget about this and reminding me of all the possible negative consequences that transitioning can bring. And then I read some of your stories and I feel better, I see glimpses of hope and I feel like I can do this. So I would say this forum, my therapist and some of my friends give me strength.
Affirmation and acceptance; from my God, my family, my new church and my extended family including my local lgbtq community and those at Susan's and local cis community.
It's silly, but when things are getting a little rough along the path, when too much things seem to go wrong, I just sit in front of a mirror and look deep into my eyes, looking for this elusive soul, looking for my real self. That soul never lies... and when I see it, in all its glorious sincerity, I feel much better because I see a woman called Sarah who just begs to be, to come into existence, to be happy. The doubts go away... The smile comes back... And I'm ready for another take. [emoji4]
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I would say its everyone in my life, family, friends, distributors and employees. With all the support it has made it very easy to transition. I am very appreciative and fortunate to have the group of caring people around me that I do. Luv you all!!!!
My husband
My dear friends & step-mother (Not all of them are wicked! though, I do jokingly call her that now & then... :D ). They were all instantly supportive & accepting, and I simply could not do this without their love & support.
If I had to pick just one, it would be my wife. But I also have a few very special friends who are completely accepting, supportive, and even encouraging. And I can't forget this site, especially a few wonderful friends I've made here.
Stephanie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6aLYguRSIE
I find it interesting that everyone apart from myself finds security through their interactions with others, while I get it from myself (via money). I'm not sure what to make of that.
Because it's human nature to want comfort from other humans. Money is nice but it won't make someone really love you.
Quote from: AnonyMs on September 24, 2017, 11:24:57 AM
I find it interesting that everyone apart from myself finds security through their interactions with others, while I get it from myself (via money). I'm not sure what to make of that.
I understand this sentiment. Let's face it, going through what we are is expensive. Going through rounds of purchasing and purges, before accepting yourself makes it worse. Of course I'm seeing this through my own financial filter, but I've seen so many others struggle worse than me because of it too You aren't alone AnonyMs.
At this point I do prefer people to notice my changes, mainly because I don't notice them myself. It's affirming that this direction I'm heading in is working and that makes me feel great.
Money is nice not because of love, but because if gives me security or power. If I have enough I don't have to rely on others to treat me properly and I can do as I choose. I'm extremely risk adverse and realizing I'm trans has given me a great deal of stress related to that. I value my independence and some family obligations. I don't need more money than what's sufficient to these purposes.
I accept myself totally. Apart from my close family it doesn't bother me too much what others think, given the money is taken care of. I'm not sure about the love bit.
I don't particularly need validation from others at this point. I'm presenting male and I'm relatively ok with it, day to day, so I can hardly expect validation. If I fail to pass as female when I finally get to it I'll probably have some issues.
Its quite possible I'm extremely isolated and gotten used to it. I'm not sure.
I'd love to say my wife. And she's been great no awesome but sometimes worrying about her is one of my gender struggles. Maybe my therapist. She's great but she's paid to be great and I always feel good when I leave her place every other week. In between though, I'm on my own even with the tools she's given me.
No, the most comforting thing when I'm feeling insecure is the little blue pill I take twice a day and the knowledge that inside my skin, in my blood, I have the same levels of E and T as a cis woman does. It comforts me.
For me it's similar to what you said Vanny, that strive to moving forward, but more in terms of self actualisation/fulfillment in maybe a more general, all of life encompassing way, and I've always seen my transition as just one of all the important paths I'll need to take to reach closer to that... enlightenment, perhaps. To become more truly myself. And although I think that becoming ourselves is what many of us have in mind with our transitions, I don't know, it's often felt quite like a spiritual journey for me.
I am not special. There are thousands just like me, going through the exact same trials and tribulations.
I do have a need to feel secure and authentic spiritually, however. I've always achieved that by being as honest with myself as possible at all times, and regards the transition, I believe it to be the right choice for me because I've spent 30+ years attempting to make life work but finding it wearying, stymied, stressful and unfulfilling, and I can see clearly now that the condition has created mental blocks that people without it do not have. It is holding me back, literally. And I would be wasting my life if I were not brave enough to see if the "other road" takes me to better places and helps me conquer the maladies of this condition, regardless of the cost, the risk, the pain and all the rest of it.
So I feel secure knowing I'm doing everything in my power to make things right. That's about all I need. Even if I don't make it, or it doesn't work, I have to do what I can. The goal is to get to a place or position where the illness parts of this condition are minimized, and I might actually be able to express/be myself without psychological and social blockages. Not only will it likely prolong my life, but it might also free me to do the things in life I always wanted to do but have been prevented from by the mental blocks. It may, or it may not... but my responsibility there is done so long as I have made the choice to see, and to try. All else is in the hands of... chance, the universe, god... whatever.
For me it is love from other people, family, friends, wife, boyfriend (non-standard marriage) etc. I could not make it in life without those that love and encourage me.
I'm narcissistic. Not in a clinical or disordered sort of way, but more in the classical or mythological sense. I have a deep and abiding love of myself, and it's not clouded by dysphoria anymore.
I have family and friends, and they love and help me immensely, but the core of my strength and comfort in this journey comes from the fact that I'm my own favorite person.
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Like others, I take a lot of comfort in the support of my family and friends. I understand what you mean, though, AnonyMs. Money can be safety. Poverty is certainly danger.
Quote from: RobynD on October 10, 2017, 03:31:22 PM
For me it is love from other people, family, friends, wife, boyfriend (non-standard marriage) etc. I could not make it in life without those that love and encourage me.
Agreed, Robyn. I send out a periodic email updating my SSG* on my progress. In my last message I told them all that I cannot
ever, in my entire life, remember feeling as happy as I am now. A large part of that is finally addressing the painful condition that's been plaguing me for literally half a century - but the rest of the joy comes from all the love I've been receiving from everyone (and I do mean every single person) that I've told so far. In every case the bonds we shared have become even stronger.
Steph
* Stephanie Support Group, currently consisting of 28 wonderful members and growing.
I know I have already posted in this thread, but today is my wife's and my anniversary, so it is only appropriate to give proper credit to her as my main supporter. She has been a rock of strength for me in this transition. Practically the first thing she said when I came out to her was "Whatever you decide to do, I will support you." It was her support that gave me the courage to carry on. She is the one who makes me feel special and secure.
Robyn/Kathy I agree with you. For me it's people. My wife's support is priceless, she has shown me so much about love and acceptance, she is truly enlightened. Guy friends that have known me as the guy who helped them build roads and other stuff, operated heavy equipment and worked on all types of machines. These happily married guys that know exactly where I'm going and have said they don't care, that they wanted me to know that they are there for me and insisted on giving me a hug instead of a handshake and have become clearly protective of me. They're good cis men treating me with respect and caring and seeing me as the woman I am becoming and are OK with it. What can be more supportive than that? The therapists I have been so lucky to have by my side all the way through this, they care because they have refused payment of any sort and all along the way I have been humbled by the kindness these people have shown someone who is clearly pushing the boundries of their world. This is what keeps me going. Toni
My boyfriend who is also trans. He's the one that pushed me to go private for hormones, I wouldn't be on T for another year if I didn't and would currently be in a completely different headspace. He makes me incredibly happy, validates me to the edge of the earth and somehow shows me that my body is loveable. I think there's something special about being in a relationship with another trans person, some things cis people just can't understand.
Also my younger sister who accepted me straight away by giving me a hug, has never gotten my pronouns or name wrong and just acts exactly the same way with me.
My romantic partner, who was there with me from the very beginning. At the start of our relationship, I knew there was nothing to hide from her, and I came out three months in, but she wasn't at all surprised lol it has since been a storm of ups and downs, but we are finally seeing calm waters.
No matter what, she sees me as a woman. She saw the woman in me even before I presented as such. It melts my heart knowing that there's someone in the world who loves me for me and understands me like no one else.
nothing
Special? I avoid this whenever possible. Secure? Probably buying some new clothes, someone greeting me with a smile and Asimov.
And, from personal experience, having breasts during puberty isn't so great. When a bus full of guys finds out you have gynecomastia, nothing good comes of it.
*Shudders*
Faith
I don't know, I guess food and photography. Food because when I am cooking, I am able to just kind of relax and forget about my problems, and just focus on the dish I am making. Usually by the time I am done cooking, I will not only be happier, but also have come up with some new thoughts on stuff... For photography, it is pretty much the same as food, just that it allows me to focus on the smaller details that most people usually ignore, and it allows me to show a side of myself that most people don't get to see without actually talking to me.
I guess those aren't really one thing.
A couple things, the fact that I now know why I'm so unhappy (being transgender), means that I now actually have some direction, a goal, something that I want to happen in the future.
I'm actually progressing fairly quickly with all of this, I told my GP within a couple of days of finding out I could be trans, then I joined this forum, I've told a couple of close friends, so I have somewhat of a support network, this Monday, I dressed as myself (a woman) for the first time (I went out dressed as well, I didn't pass, but I really didn't care), I don't think I've ever been so comfortable in my skin, it felt so right, so natural, all of a sudden, I began to understand why I never loved myself (as a male), I'm joining a trans group on Monday and I have my appointment with a psychologist next Friday (I have to see one before being referred to a gender specialist).
The fact that I do get to be a little feminine - crossing my legs, walking, certain mannerisms, wearing jeggings, leggings and women's underwear - although it does help, it makes me want to be a woman even more
My camera. As it memorializes the changes that have occurred. The video recordings capture it all, including my voice and gestures. Lastly, I have had the good fortune of having Emily Anderson as my voice and lifestyle coach. It will be a sad day when the insurance runs out.
I don't feel special but I feel more secure in my identity keeping my distance from certain people
Validation of any kind ..... and the inner peace I have attained
Since my initial answer was in jest:
Power. Power to do or power over anything or anyone. Especially, the power to get what I want from and be regarded highly by others: along with the power to define who and what I am, and how others will understand or relate to me, on strictly my own terms.
Easy: Believing that I'll achieve all my goals, also gender related. Firm belief in future.
This always keeps me going in life :)! No matter how dark, my belief in myself and my abilities never wavers. I always try to look at the bigger picture and towards the future. Because I know that nothing lasts forever. Not even a 20-year prison sentence! (Not that I'm in a prison or anything :D!) But I've decided that I WILL get through it no matter what life throws at me! That keeps me going. And apparantly life decided to throw this at me... Having a mind/body gender mismatch is certainly an interesting life experience, ;). But I'll get through that too! And that's why I don't kill myself. Because I KNOW that future is always better than the present moment :)! And the present moment is always to be evaluated. Because that's all you've got right now, :).
I also try not to obsess about things I can't change right now.
So, make the best of the present moment and never forget the bigger picture, ;)! You'll get there!
When I was a child I was told I could be anything I wanted. I thought anything meant ANYTHING. I said I wanted to be a Mama. They said I couldn't be that.
But I proved them all wrong. TWICE