Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transitioning => Topic started by: Ms Grace on February 27, 2014, 08:43:16 PM

Title: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on February 27, 2014, 08:43:16 PM
That's 95 days until I plan go full time - that's when I'm hoping to come out full time at work, all my documentation has been changed, folks and siblings know, Facebook knows, etc. Very scary but exciting!

I'd like to use this thread as a bit of a countdown and a place to jot down any significant events or witty bon mots. ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on February 27, 2014, 09:03:18 PM
Quote from: Ms Grace on February 27, 2014, 08:43:16 PM
That's 95 days until I plan go full time
I bet you don't make it that far!*giggle* I love the idea of you keeping us in the count down loop. It will help with odds in the betting pool! OK, who has day 36? Winner day 36! ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jamie D on February 27, 2014, 09:11:13 PM
Reminds me of that drinking song about bottles of beer on the wall.  ;)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on February 27, 2014, 09:53:43 PM
June 1st eh?  Good for you Grace!

Good luck with getting everything in place.  It will be a big effort I expect, but so exciting to finally be getting started  ;)

I'll be rooting for you quietly from the next time zone :D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on February 28, 2014, 09:04:03 PM
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 27, 2014, 09:03:18 PM
I bet you don't make it that far!*giggle* I love the idea of you keeping us in the count down loop. It will help with odds in the betting pool! OK, who has day 36? Winner day 36! ;D
You're on! ;)

Quote from: Jamie de la Rosa on February 27, 2014, 09:11:13 PM
Reminds me of that drinking song about bottles of beer on the wall.  ;)
I guess I could drink a bottle of beer every day!


Quote from: Joan on February 27, 2014, 09:53:43 PM
June 1st eh?  Good for you Grace!

Good luck with getting everything in place.  It will be a big effort I expect, but so exciting to finally be getting started  ;)

I'll be rooting for you quietly from the next time zone :D
Thanks Joan!

It's a few days past June 1, for very particular reasons which I'll get into at some point...
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on February 28, 2014, 09:21:53 PM
94 days...

Not much to report today, I was going to go shoe shopping at the local store with shoes for large footed women but it's been raining steadily all morning, so I'll postpone that one until Thursday.

It was a busy week though, went out three nights in a row as Grace and had a blast each time. Had a work function last night for a dear and respected colleague who is moving on after 16 years (I've known her for 15 years of that!) and had no choice but to go in dude mode which was a bit of a bummer, still had a good time though...I find a lot of Grace is starting to bleed through into my male presentation.

BTW I don't mean to refer to myself in the third person, I don't perceive "Grace" as a separate personality or identity, just seems easier to differentiate between modes of presentation at the moment.

There were a couple of former colleagues at this farewell last night, hadn't seen them for several months. One remarked on how youthful I was looking, "very youthful" in fact! Given that I'm 48 in a few days it was quite a compliment. ;D The other one then decided it was because I was growing my hair longer. The 'mones (as I like to call them) are really kicking in now, feel like I look different every morning.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on February 28, 2014, 09:46:51 PM
Quote from: Ms Grace on February 28, 2014, 09:21:53 PM
94 days...
went out three nights in a row as Grace and had a blast each time.
Watch it girl the genie is stirring in her bottle a little with slight pressure on the lid!*giggle* ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 02, 2014, 01:25:55 AM
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 28, 2014, 09:46:51 PM
Watch it girl the genie is stirring in her bottle a little with slight pressure on the lid!*giggle* ;D
Oh the genie is well and truly out...now all I have to do is decide whether she is good Jeanie or naughty Jeanie (ala Barbara Eden in I Dream of Jeanie when she also played her mischievous genie sister) :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 02, 2014, 01:33:30 AM
93 days...

I've been wondering what to do with my guy clothes. Not that I have much of a wardrobe anyway, I hate having to buy guy clothes and only ever do it when something else has fallen apart and needs replacing. Sad, I know. Since deciding to retransition I think I've only bought two items of male clothing to help me through summer. No point in buying stuff I won't be using beyond May. But yeah, there is some stuff. I had been thinking of giving them to a charity but realised I have a friend who is into second hand stuff and has my frame (as long as he loses a few pounds!) so I suggested that to him and he was open to the idea. My only reservation is that it might be a bit weird seeing him wearing clothes I used to own...?
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 03, 2014, 01:42:51 AM
92 days...

Had another full body wax today. Truth be told, even though it was some 60 days since the last one I didn't really need it all that much. The hair on my arms which used to be plentiful and wiry are now sparse and downy. Ditto my under arms, chest and butt. My legs are probably still the only major hair factories but compared to a year ago, significantly lighter too. The hair certainly comes out a lot easier so it wasn't particularly painful either. So I didn't need to have it but I'm still really glad I did, it's great to feel so smooth all over. Will probably get another before the next 92 days are up...I go to a place which specialises in male hair removal so technically I won't be able to be a customer from June onwards (unless I go there cross dressed as a guy!)... :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jamie D on March 03, 2014, 01:46:34 AM
I have never waxed, but I have wanted to get my brows "threaded."
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 03, 2014, 01:52:21 AM
Bet your devastated Grace. ;)

Zapped mine with laser last year. I love being hare free.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.607995441634020754%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=26855c9b7b3e581531c8a9015d3d631cf763dca4)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 03, 2014, 02:01:51 AM
Quote from: Jamie D on March 03, 2014, 01:46:34 AM
I have never waxed, but I have wanted to get my brows "threaded."

OK, I'm not even sure what that means...but it sounds painful!

Quote from: Jenny07 on March 03, 2014, 01:52:21 AM
Bet your devastated Grace. ;)

Zapped mine with laser last year. I love being hare free.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.607995441634020754%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=26855c9b7b3e581531c8a9015d3d631cf763dca4)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn2-b.examiner.com%2Fsites%2Fdefault%2Ffiles%2Fstyles%2Fimage_content_width%2Fhash%2Fab%2Ff5%2Fabf5b49a30efb1d9a80ac783452466d3.jpg%3Fitok%3DBIafG9DE&hash=5c2a887238b5a687d115a3e7314d316c4752f565)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: helen2010 on March 03, 2014, 03:30:26 AM
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 27, 2014, 09:03:18 PM
I bet you don't make it that far!*giggle* I love the idea of you keeping us in the count down loop. It will help with odds in the betting pool! OK, who has day 36? Winner day 36! ;D
Jessica
Having recently met Grace I am with you on this.  Frankly Grace is 100 per cent ready.  Xmas won't come quickly enough for her.  I bet she opens her presents early and transitions early!
You go girl!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 04, 2014, 03:40:59 AM
91 days...

Quote from: Aisla on March 03, 2014, 03:30:26 AM
Having recently met Grace I am with you on this.  Frankly Grace is 100 per cent ready.  Xmas won't come quickly enough for her.  I bet she opens her presents early and transitions early!

You and Jessica might very well be right. Mind you, you met me on a good night! ;)

For me, going full time will just be a case of going more and more part time until I'm no longer in dude mode. In that time I'll be working on my beard (got 20 hours electro lined up between now and June (about a quarter of remaining work)), working on my wardrobe and shoes (want to make sure I've got enough outfits for work, rest and play - but especially work, if other women are anything to go by I need a minimum of two weeks worth of change of clothes! Per season!!), changing my name and related documentation and, hardest of all, telling the family. By the time I come out at work, at the end of this countdown, pretty much all that stuff should be dealt with. Fingers crossed!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 05, 2014, 02:28:00 AM
90 days...

Don't be surprised if the countdown suddenly changes to 20 or something... gahh! Stuff is happening that has suddenly made me very impatient!! More on that after I've spoken to my gender counsellor... looks like you may have been right Jessica and Aisla!  :P :laugh:

Anyway, I just wanted to share a beautiful message I got from a friend via Facebook the other day. I went to a friend's art show last week, I went as Grace and this was my third time out - first time interacting with a lot of people I'd never met before. Wow was I nervous! Sweating bullets! Another friend - S - was there, she was a friend during my first attempt at transition and was one of my greatest supporters during that time. When things started going pear-shaped she still stood by me but I was so self-absorbed and distressed I pushed her and many others away (not abusively but just by cutting off contact). I was feeling so much shame about wanting to detransition I couldn't bear to face my friends and supporters. I think I've only ever seen S twice over the past twenty or so years (and I friended her on FB about 16 months ago), the issue was never really raised and we were both on good terms but I still felt pretty bad. Anyway, she reacted positively to meeting me as Grace and we had a good chat. A day or so I thought I should just fill her in on the situation so sent her a FB message thanking her for the other night, telling her how I regarded her support from the first time, my sadness at how things ended then, apologising for my behaviour at the time and followed up with just a bit about how things were going for me now.

She wrote back a few days later with a beautiful message of support, so very happy for me and recognising that now seems to be the right time for me. It truly touched my heart. Seriously, what a wonderful goddess!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 05, 2014, 02:36:26 AM
Continue dreaming Grace, you have no chance of 90 days... :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 05, 2014, 02:39:47 AM
I reckon 90 days and 10 to go. Maybe before your manager leaves? Then you go FT with support at work?
Possibly, possibly, maybe, I'll think about it and then all of a sudden...................................................

Hi world, meet Grace and be very happy! :-*
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jamie D on March 05, 2014, 02:43:40 AM
Threading

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieQWbjJUFQA
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 05, 2014, 03:47:18 AM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 05, 2014, 02:36:26 AM
Continue dreaming Grace, you have no chance of 90 days... :laugh:

Yes, seems I might surprise myself... but not anyone else!

Quote from: Cindy on March 05, 2014, 02:39:47 AM
Hi world, meet Grace and be very happy! :-*

I'm looking forward to it... and petrified at the same time!

Quote from: Jamie D on March 05, 2014, 02:43:40 AM
Threading

That looks remarkably effective but I think I'll stick to tweezing, fortunately don't have many monster hairs in my eye browns. One has to wonder how on earth someone came up with that technique though??
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 05, 2014, 03:50:50 AM
Jenny and you can start the petrified next step cub, Catherine and I can be the so what's the problems arm. Take your time. :-*
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Catherine Sarah on March 05, 2014, 07:38:21 AM
The first night you came to dinner, Grace, I was surprised you had the patience to last 90 days. You were sooooo ready for it then.

Whenever you're ready Jenny, you can join us for dinner. Just ask Grace how easy it was for her. She was a natural, just like you. Hope to see you soon. 

Huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 05, 2014, 02:22:01 PM
Doing my best Catherine but it's not easy as you would know.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Catherine Sarah on March 05, 2014, 04:13:38 PM
Hi Jenny,

I'll drop you a message when I get back next month, if you like.

Huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 06, 2014, 04:47:23 AM
Quote from: Catherine Sarah on March 05, 2014, 07:38:21 AM
The first night you came to dinner, Grace, I was surprised you had the patience to last 90 days. You were sooooo ready for it then.

Whenever you're ready Jenny, you can join us for dinner. Just ask Grace how easy it was for her. She was a natural, just like you. Hope to see you soon. 

Oh yeah, but I was pooping myself at first... only my third time out, I relaxed after that glass of champagne though!!

Quote from: Jenny07 on March 05, 2014, 02:22:01 PM
Doing my best Catherine but it's not easy as you would know.

No pressure, whenever you're ready and not a second sooner. Do hope you can make it though... I'm a bore but Catherine is a blast! ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 06, 2014, 05:00:44 AM
Is Catherine trained in explosives as well?
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 06, 2014, 05:11:49 AM
89 days...

Two great things today... the first being that I got dressed at work  as Grace at the end of the day before leaving - and invited down a colleague and the boss since they both know about my transition and were more than a little to curious to meet the real me. And wow, didn't I get a great reaction! It's the wig that seals the deal, totally transforms me in a way that's hard to explain. They could hardly believe it was me and thought I looked great, so definitely an ego boost... won't be able to fit my head the door soon. ;)

As a side note I've pretty much decided to out myself to the majority of the women at work, probably in one go, sometime early next week. After that? Who can tell. The main thing holding me back is outing myself to my family, not looking forward to it at all...  :-\

Second great thing? Is four great things... I got dressed after work so I could catch the train out to my local station and go shoe shopping!! Here's two of the pairs...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fxmung.com%2Fimpossumbly%2Fpumps.jpg&hash=f091ca771cbb40c808632d67e3da233603d5ac02)

oh hey, at 6'3" I'm already tall enough, right? Apparently not! I never thought I'd ever wear, lead alone buy high heels. Never say never. Fell in love with them...couldn't say no. How could I say no? These are for extra special occasions (hope I have some!) and amazingly are quite easy to walk in and make my legs look great.  :D

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fxmung.com%2Fimpossumbly%2Fflats.jpg&hash=b56a55ac8696df4fd5edce4c623860532633b1c5)

Alright, something very sensible and comfortable too. These are definitely more my speed. Cute!

Also bought a pair of ankle boots and sandals, photos when I manage to take a decent shot of them.

I had two women helping me at this shoe store - they no doubt get a lot of trans women clientele given that they specialise in shoes for larger women's sizes (at a 10-11 I qualify). Whether they suspected or not they never gave it away. And being referred to as "her" in conversation was an amazing experience. I was a little stressed going into the shop but that evaporated quickly, they were very helpful and nice to me (well, duh, they wanted my money) - quite different to the usual experience of buying men's shoes. And I have to say I could have tried on twice as much as I did (about 12 pairs in total) but I was already there for an hour and ran up a fair bill in the process. Buying women's shoes is so much more fun!!

Think I now have an OK start to a shoe collection, need a few more though ;D

Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 06, 2014, 05:12:16 AM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 06, 2014, 05:00:44 AM
Is Catherine trained in explosives as well?
Boom boom!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Catherine Sarah on March 06, 2014, 10:12:27 AM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 06, 2014, 04:47:23 AM
Oh yeah, but I was pooping myself at first... only my third time out, I relaxed after that glass of champagne though!!

And yet you are such a natural woman. And that's the way everyone perceives you.

Huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 07, 2014, 02:53:05 AM
Oh deer, looks like we've lost the birthday girl to shoe shopping.
Will we ever see her again ???
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jamie D on March 07, 2014, 03:01:37 AM
Sensible shoes?  Sensible shoes?!  Sensible shoes?!?!

What fun are those?? ?? ??
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 07, 2014, 12:50:56 PM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 07, 2014, 02:53:05 AM
Oh deer, looks like we've lost the birthday girl to shoe shopping.
Will we ever see her again ???

I did emerge from a pile a boxes and pumps, some $$$ poorer, but here I am!

Quote from: Jamie D on March 07, 2014, 03:01:37 AM
Sensible shoes?  Sensible shoes?!  Sensible shoes?!?!

What fun are those?? ?? ??

Oh, none at all...but at least I can walk in them without breaking my ankle! :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 07, 2014, 01:23:02 PM
88 days...

Saw my Gender Counsellor, talked about my various positive experiences since I saw him last...and fortunately there had been quite a few! My counsellor is a great guy, he was sincerely complimentary about my progress over the past several months. Of course a trip to the counsellor wouldn't be complete without a few tears, which were spilled when I talked about my concerns around outing to my family. This is my biggest hurdle to going full time - gah! Anyway, I'm working myself up to it...expect the worst, hope for the best as they say.

It was a warm late summer day so I went out dressed the most casual I've ever tried...a simple black camisole with a stripy purple/bluish/white sarong/wrap around. Put purple nail polish on my toes and wore the sandals I bought yesterday. A few bits of jewellery and it seemed to work very well. Before I went to the counselling I went to the local shopping centre/mall, bought some lunch and ate it in the food court. I had a couple if women speak to me (just to borrow chairs from my table) which gave me a bit more practice using my voice with strangers, etc. I'm always surprised when people don't even blink, to my mind/ear my voice isn't what you'd expect to hear coming out of a woman's mouth but clearly it's feminine enough (or not masculine enough) to do the trick.

After the session I caught the train back out home and went shopping for clothes. Bought my first pair of women's trousers, despite my height they fit perfectly! Really need the gaff for tucking to wear them properly though...a very snug fit in the crotch! Also got some skirts and a couple if tops including a blouse...just why are women and men's buttons on opposite sides anyway??

I pass well in a dress, but have always doubted I could in pants (after some notably "traumatic" misgenderings during my first transition attempt) but now I'm beginning to believe I can do it. Photos in a later post!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 08, 2014, 05:21:49 PM
87 days...

Not much to report from today it was a fairly perfunctory domestic day of cleaning and washing and doing not much at all, although I have been pondering how and when to out myself to my family... :/

Anyway, here are the other two pairs of shoes I bought the other day...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fxmung.com%2Fimpossumbly%2Fboots.jpg&hash=3b222f38ef5c3293ef6b4b8fdfc1930c77b476fe)

Oh, ankle high boots, how do I love thee?? Let me count the ways! These are remarkably comfy and easy to walk in! I love boots anyway, they always make my feet feel nice and snug!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fxmung.com%2Fimpossumbly%2Fsandals.jpg&hash=e1f37b79b4ba650c2a0045db7d89711ba2c1a545)

I wore these out yesterday (and painted my toe nails beforehand to celebrate) - it was a fairly warm day so they were very comfy! As a kid I always loathed wearing sandals, but that was because I had to wear the boy variety and felt like an utter dork...these are a totally different story. ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 08, 2014, 05:30:16 PM
I KNEW SHE WOULDN'T MAKE IT 90 DAYS!

Grace honey, you are so gone girl! Any day now it will be official.*giggles* :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 08, 2014, 05:37:36 PM
She will be lucky to make out the month based on the shoes! :D

What's that 21 days!

87? Yeah right.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 08, 2014, 05:41:14 PM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 08, 2014, 05:37:36 PM
She will be lucky to make out the month based on the shoes! :D
If she makes out the month I will buy her another pair. If she doesn't I want hers. *giggle* ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 08, 2014, 05:56:08 PM
I love the sandals, Grace :)

It seems like you're getting everything in place to go full time in...how ever many days it takes you to get there :D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 09, 2014, 01:25:41 AM
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 08, 2014, 05:30:16 PM
Grace honey, you are so gone girl! Any day now it will be official.*giggles* :laugh:
You are very likely right! Very likely indeed...

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 08, 2014, 05:41:14 PM
If she makes out the month I will buy her another pair. If she doesn't I want hers. *giggle* ;D

Shouldn't that be the other way around??  ;)

Quote from: Jenny07 on March 08, 2014, 05:37:36 PM
She will be lucky to make out the month based on the shoes! :D

They are a sign, aren't they?

Quote from: Joan on March 08, 2014, 05:56:08 PM
I love the sandals, Grace :)

It seems like you're getting everything in place to go full time in...how ever many days it takes you to get there :D

Thanks Joan, yes I'm trying to get myself set up a bit before I take the plunge. Thing is a lot of that has been easier to swing and organise than I expected...plus passing this time has felt much easier and more natural than before. We shall see...all these other nay sayers are doubting I'll make it to June... ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 09, 2014, 01:32:36 AM
I'm proud of you Grace and you have great taste in shoes.

Mmm lets see, before Easter I reckon :-* ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jamie D on March 09, 2014, 01:47:31 AM
Grace's "sensible" shoes tell be she has a keen mind for detail and likes to have a plan.

A such, she will follow her plan and go full time on schedule.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 09, 2014, 01:53:32 AM
86 days...

Today was a fairly significant day - I broke the 78 kilos (172 lbs) barrier for the first time in years... woo!

I also managed to pay off the outstanding amount of $$$ I owed my father (which he had loaned to me eight and a half years ago to help me convince the bank to give me a mortgage). I decided it would be a wise course of action in case of Ma-and-Pa-maggedon when I out myself to them, just saves things from being difficult or complicated. It's not like I had the money to give him, had to top up my mortgage and just transferred the difference, but at least I'm not financially in debt to him.

Actually had lunch with the folks today, they wanted to celebrate my birthday from a couple of days ago. It was a pretty laid back affair, as usual my mother and I did most of the talking. My father isn't much of a talker, never has been. It's things like this that make me feel like I'm never going to transition. Never. Or at least, never tell them about it. gah!

It was a good lunch but I really needed to get myself in a better frame of mind when I got home so I tried on the various clothes and shoes I bought recently... here's a selfie-montage!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fxmung.com%2Fimpossumbly%2Foffice-clothes.jpg&hash=8ae16ad45c9ae0b02b6cfff37416eeb4384025ed)

I would call these my work clothes series! Shame I'm not smiling in the first and the last one is a bit blurry. My selfie skills are crap!

So the first two are me in pants - my god, I think I actually pass wearing pants. If you had told me that a year ago when I was thinking about retransition I would never have believed you! Despite my height they actually fit perfectly. I like wearing the camisole under a loose buttoned blouse or top, that's definitely a "look" for me I think.

So, the skirt - I love this thing! And it goes great with the black tights and boots. Will need to find what kind of tops I can get to go with it. The jacket is for when winter arrives!

Quote from: Cindy on March 09, 2014, 01:32:36 AM
I'm proud of you Grace and you have great taste in shoes.

Thanks, Cindy!  ;D

Quote from: Cindy on March 09, 2014, 01:32:36 AM
Mmm lets see, before Easter I reckon :-* ;D

Quote from: Jamie D on March 09, 2014, 01:47:31 AM
Grace's "sensible" shoes tell be she has a keen mind for detail and likes to have a plan.

A such, she will follow her plan and go full time on schedule.

You're forgetting my sparkly pumps, Jamie!

Looks like Jessica's prediction of a betting pool for the real date of me going full time is becoming a reality!  :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 10, 2014, 03:16:18 AM
85 days...

Three hours under the electrologist's needle this afternoon...yippee! But it actually wasn't too bad, or at least not as bad as some previous recent sessions. It's really odd how sometimes it's worse than others even though she uses the same settings and equipment. Anyway, now have just about all of the cheeks and front of the chin cleared. Still have a substantial part of the moustache to go and under the chin including part of the neck. How many hours to go...?? sigh.

My issue about not going full time until there's more beard removed has been because my face is a wreck after a session. Apart from being swollen and blotchy I can't shave the area for a few days afterwards so it's pretty hairy. Nor can I apply make up. ugh. I really don't want to be trying to present as female, using public transport and going to work with that happening every couple of weeks.

But I think I've worked out how I can go full time and continue with the sessions...and that would be by going mostly full time. My appointments are almost always on Fridays, so I can arrange it that I take a leave day on the Friday and work from home on the Monday, everything has usually healed and looks OK by the Tuesday when I shave off surrounding bristle. If I needed to go out the door in the mean time I'd just do it in dude mode but it wouldn't effect anything to do with me being full time at work.

I'm also down to do two three hour session for a few Fridays, so that's six hours of pain which will hopefully get me over the finish line a bit faster.

The things we do, the things we do! :-\
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 10, 2014, 04:55:18 AM
So you didn't like my idea?

Oh well.
Hope you face recovers quickly. Mine is nearly back to normal after Saturday session. So the 4 days is just about right. :-\

Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Skyler on March 10, 2014, 06:08:55 AM
I like the last picture the best :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 10, 2014, 09:14:43 AM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 10, 2014, 04:55:18 AM
So you didn't like my idea?

What idea was that? Sorry, can't remember. :)

Quote from: Skyler Lusk on March 10, 2014, 06:08:55 AM
I like the last picture the best :)

Thanks, me too! I was getting progressively more silly with the selfies and as a result they look a bit more relaxed and natural which helps...
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 11, 2014, 05:55:14 AM
84 days...

Got a lovely birthday card today from a gal pal I outed myself to last month - female themed and addressed to "Dear Grace"... what an awesome friend. Made me feel great  :D

I told another work colleague today - she has casual hours and works remotely from home so never needs to come into the office, I've been her unofficial supervisor and support for the past five years so we have a good, albeit distant, working relationship conducted via email or phone. She's going on vacation (to the States) for five weeks and I have a sneaking suspicion I may be going full-time at work before she returns (my first admission that 84 days might be too far away). I figured she ought to know about me becoming Grace before she gets back! She was very happy and excited for me, saying she had two F2M trans* friends. She is gay herself so I generally expected she'd be OK with my transition.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 12, 2014, 06:30:21 AM
83 days...

Told my boss today that the timeline for my full time transition at work was likely to be well before my originally predicted date of early June. She reiterated that the process and timing of coming out at work is completely mine to decide. It's starting to drive me a bit nuts - I don't feel dysphoric but I increasingly feel I'm not being seen as myself, that every time they use my male name or he/him/his that they getting it wrong. :( Grace is clearly getting impatient to be known but it does make me feel a bit sad for dude me, a nice enough guy but a goner.


Quote from: Jenny07 on March 10, 2014, 04:55:18 AM
So you didn't like my idea?

Oh you mean this idea...?

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608014764701582978%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=5712d411a927a984f311f16463ed8a078dfed077)

Has merit I suppose!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Catherine Sarah on March 12, 2014, 07:40:22 AM
Welcome to the express lane, Grace.
I always knew it was a going to be a matter of when, not if, you won't last the 90 days.   ;D
A bit of concealer will hide the electro issue.

Huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 12, 2014, 07:47:13 AM
Hey guess who is coming out -------today, tomorrow or next monday sounds good?
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 12, 2014, 09:04:20 AM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 12, 2014, 06:30:21 AM
83 days...

Hi Grace! Isn't this a typo? Shouldn't it read 83 seconds?*giggles* ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 12, 2014, 03:46:39 PM
Quote
Oh you mean this idea...?



Has merit I suppose!

Bit hard to wipe the smile from your face ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 13, 2014, 06:59:24 AM
82 days...

Had dinner tonight with a couple of women friends - we went to a Thai restaurant and I'm now wondering if that was a good idea given Thai people seem to be overly familiar with trans women, pretty sure the wait staff had me pegged. :P Had a good night, all the same.

Going to speak to a counsellor tomorrow about my timeline for transition and the likelihood to doing it sooner rather than later.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 13, 2014, 07:31:49 AM
I wonder what your counsellor will say :)

Incidentally it was Thai food that finally got me past my phobia of hot spicy foods, and I absolutely love it now  :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 13, 2014, 03:07:30 PM
Thai food is great, Australia has a fairly diverse cuisine culture (or at least in the major cities) and you can't walk down some streets without passing ten or more Thai restaurants!

I should have added, when the waitress came to collect our plates at the end she asked "is there anything else I can get you, ladies?"...heehee, she called me a lady!  ;D  ;D  ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 14, 2014, 03:02:06 AM
81 days... 10 days to go!

So yeah, a fairly momentous day. I spoke with the gender counsellor and weighed up my options about coming out at work... when and how to do it and to start full time. Having previously thought I wouldn't be ready until June I've seriously reevaluated my progress since starting to go out as Grace and outing myself to friends, etc. I have been able to pass quite well, honestly far better than I would have expected. Yes, I still have to tell my family, the biggest and scariest aspect of this... or at least that's how it looks from here, guess I'll know soon enough because I intend them before I start full time at work. And that will be on Monday March 24th. Spoke with the boss today, she already knew I was transitioning but this was to tell her my date and how I wanted to proceed - she's behind me 100%. I'm going to tell staff next week (there aren't many people where I work and a few already know), the following week I'll be there as Grace.

OMG!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 14, 2014, 03:10:09 AM
Indeed

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608054110901371096%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=142fed318d0ea7a3322686b274aa2c33743259c0)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 14, 2014, 03:23:02 AM
Congratulations Sister!!!

Yeh another Aussie girl hits her straps.

Now about Jenny? Mmmmmmmmm
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 14, 2014, 03:24:54 AM
Warm up your pokers and get your whips ready.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 14, 2014, 03:26:19 AM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 14, 2014, 03:24:54 AM
Warm up your pokers and get your whips ready.

You reckon a nice Southern Cross on the left bum cheek?
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 14, 2014, 03:47:47 AM
You will  have to catch me first! :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 14, 2014, 03:52:52 AM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 14, 2014, 03:47:47 AM
You will  have to catch me first! :laugh:

You can't escape the Aussie Mafia!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 14, 2014, 03:59:31 AM
I guess you have operatives everywhere.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608007480436131046%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=bae7f8c7b519a5c96649a2309999fba9d0e5b10a)

Shall I expect a visit from Catherine? Oh yes please.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 14, 2014, 04:01:56 AM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 14, 2014, 03:59:31 AM
I guess you have operatives everywhere.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608007480436131046%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=bae7f8c7b519a5c96649a2309999fba9d0e5b10a)

Shall I expect a visit from Catherine? Oh yes please.

Be careful what you wish for.......................................................................Heee Hee
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 14, 2014, 09:41:15 AM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 14, 2014, 03:02:06 AM
81 days... 10 days to go!

Who didn't see that coming!!*giggle* ;D

Oh Jenny! Next in line girl friend! :o
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 14, 2014, 02:51:39 PM
Should Eye be afraid?

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608054523221050700%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=82ce4875058845d444b31dfb5136cb9f1cf15464)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 14, 2014, 02:54:07 PM
Thanks Jen, Cindy & Jessica!

I only found out today that changing my name won't be as straightforward and simple as it was in 1990. Used to be you could go to the Birth, Deaths and Marriage registry, fill out a form and hey presto new name. I guess terrorism, identity theft, illegal immigrants and frauds have changed all that. Darn. So I have to have an interview, fill out a butt load of forms and then wait up to five weeks for a reissued birth certificate with my new name (but, regrettably, not my new gender - I only get that after the chop). Yeesh. But my boss is OK for me to start full time as Grace without the paperwork. Yay for great bosses! :D So I need to start the ball rolling on that ASAP, then once I get it there will be many, many things that I need to get my name changed for - bank, super, mortgage, electoral commission, tax, utilities, will, etc, etc!

Plus there's my whole online persona, I can do that without the birth certificate but it will be an interesting exercise. I have a webcomic with a moderate number of regular readers, that won't be too tough but there are plenty of places my male name is mentioned that I have no control over. At least I'm nowhere near Chaz Bono or Lana Wachowski level of fame so it'll most likely be an utter non-event. I'm not taking a table at this year's Sydney Supanova to hawk my stuff either (our version of ComicCon). Although it would have been fun I'm so glad I'm not, those things are tiring enough without having to deal with openly transitioning at the same time. I'm still going to go along but just as part if the crowd. The comic/gaming world is sometimes not that friendly a place for women let alone trans people...I do know a number of peers who will be utterly shocked but I think most of them will be cool with my change.

Also...I need more clothes, stat!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 14, 2014, 04:04:56 PM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 14, 2014, 02:54:07 PM
Also...I need more clothes, stat!
Take Jenny with you. She's next!*giggle* ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 14, 2014, 06:14:58 PM
Fantastic news, Grace! You must be so excited to finally let yourself run free :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 14, 2014, 06:24:35 PM
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 14, 2014, 04:04:56 PM
Take Jenny with you. She's next!*giggle* ;D ;D ;D

Poor Jen! ;D I know we're having some light hearted fun at her expense (and why not?) but I just want her to know she doesn't have to feel obliged to initiate or rush her transition just because of moi. For me I was coming from a different space, having tried transition for two years beforehand it was almost as if the intervening 20 plus years had never happened when I started going out as Grace and I truly believe that gave me a leg up I hadn't been expecting. That said we're totally going shopping at some point, OK girlfriend? ::)

Quote from: Joan on March 14, 2014, 06:14:58 PM
Fantastic news, Grace! You must be so excited to finally let yourself run free :)

Thanks Joan! Excited and scared poopless!  :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 14, 2014, 06:33:05 PM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 14, 2014, 06:24:35 PM
Poor Jen! ;D I know we're having some light hearted fun at her expense (and why not?) but I just want her to know she doesn't have to feel obliged to initiate or rush her transition just because of moi. For me I was coming from a different space, having tried transition for two years beforehand it was almost as if the intervening 20 plus years had never happened when I started going out as Grace and I truly believe that gave me a leg up I hadn't been expecting. That said we're totally going shopping at some point, OK girlfriend? ::)


Very true, we joke, but we all take our journey at our own pace. Hell it took me 50 years!!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 14, 2014, 07:36:01 PM
Quote from: Cindy on March 14, 2014, 06:33:05 PM
Very true, we joke, but we all take our journey at our own pace. Hell it took me 50 years!!
Sorry, bad attempt by me at humor. I apologize Jenny, seriously. Please forgive me for offending you. :(
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 15, 2014, 12:03:42 AM
Eye can take it gals!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608049017071471050%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=b0ce9cbafc3a5a9a443b19c15c4806bb5dd8457f)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 15, 2014, 01:30:35 AM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 15, 2014, 12:03:42 AM
Eye can take it gals!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608049017071471050%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=b0ce9cbafc3a5a9a443b19c15c4806bb5dd8457f)

Now I have you tied up, where is my branding iron :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 15, 2014, 01:31:34 AM
Oh dear! :o

PROFESSOR!

Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 15, 2014, 07:21:53 AM
80 days... 9 days to go!

Had dinner tonight with some long time friends. One guy knew me during my first transition attempt and was quite supportive at the time. The other two knew a bit about my history but we've never really talked about it. Anyway, they were all so wonderfully cool with me rolling up in Grace-mode. One of them is a woman, and even thought I've known her for almost 15 years and see her regularly I guess she's always seen me as her partner's male friend (her partner being the one I mentioned above) so we've never been overly close. Things felt a little bit different tonight she and I had a few good chats - funnily enough, when the four of us were walking along the street the two guys walked up ahead talking with each other and us two girls chatted together. It was a good night. I really feel comfortable passing in public in a variety of situations so that's encouraging. the wig makes such a difference - I could never do it without it.

So I'm wondering about how I tell my folks...and when. They're both elderly - 75 counts as elderly doesn't it? (Or is it the new 55 or something?) Do I tell them early in the day and give them the day to sort through the worst of it and still hopefully sleep that night? My niece, their granddaughter has her birthday this Tuesday so I should definitely avoid that day. Do I go for Thursday rather than the weekend, that way they have some time to work through things and contact doctors/counsellors if they need to? Last thing I want to have happen is for them to end up in hospital over this.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Rachel on March 15, 2014, 05:59:45 PM
Wednesday, early morning sounds good. The granddaughter's birthday is special and you will have a lot of special days going forward.

Congratulations and you look wonderful :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 15, 2014, 10:26:21 PM
So I went to the shops today and I searched and searched and couldn't find courage. ???

What aisle is it in?
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 15, 2014, 10:44:38 PM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 15, 2014, 10:26:21 PM
So I went to the shops today and I searched and searched and couldn't find courage. ???

What aisle is it in?
Not the chicken aisle!! ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 16, 2014, 05:54:01 AM
No wonder!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffuturama-madhouse.com.ar%2Fgrabs%2F5acv11%2F511-018.jpg&hash=5ae033997e0012859165eb75f5d8097dae022a8d)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 16, 2014, 06:14:21 AM
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on March 15, 2014, 05:59:45 PM
Wednesday, early morning sounds good. The granddaughter's birthday is special and you will have a lot of special days going forward.

Congratulations and you look wonderful :)

Thank you Cynthia! :)

Quote from: Jenny07 on March 15, 2014, 10:26:21 PM
So I went to the shops today and I searched and searched and couldn't find courage. ???

What aisle is it in?
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 15, 2014, 10:44:38 PM
Not the chicken aisle!! ;D

Ba-Zinga! :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 16, 2014, 06:26:55 AM
79 days... 8 days to go!

Figuring out how and when to deal with my folks has transfixed me for most of the day. It only occurred to me way too late that today, being a Sunday, was probably an ideal opportunity to march over to their place unannounced and just spill it. When I saw Cate McGregor speak about her transition a short while back she said her decision to go ahead with it was not bravery or courage but "selfishness", the decision that she was going to stand up for and take what she needed for herself over others' demands. To be honest that's exactly how I feel about this. I know no one in my family is going to want me to peruse this course of action, that if I was to be selfless and listen to them I wouldn't do it, I would just let them have me their way... but I need to be selfish, I need to do this 100% for me regardless of how they will take it. Yeesh. :-\
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: 930310 on March 16, 2014, 02:46:49 PM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 16, 2014, 06:26:55 AM
79 days... 8 days to go!

Figuring out how and when to deal with my folks has transfixed me for most of the day. It only occurred to me way too late that today, being a Sunday, was probably an ideal opportunity to march over to their place unannounced and just spill it. When I saw Cate McGregor speak about her transition a short while back she said her decision to go ahead with it was not bravery or courage but "selfishness", the decision that she was going to stand up for and take what she needed for herself over others' demands. To be honest that's exactly how I feel about this. I know no one in my family is going to want me to peruse this course of action, that if I was to be selfless and listen to them I wouldn't do it, I would just let them have me their way... but I need to be selfish, I need to do this 100% for me regardless of how they will take it. Yeesh. :-\
You're doing great!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 16, 2014, 02:55:56 PM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 16, 2014, 05:54:01 AM
No wonder!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffuturama-madhouse.com.ar%2Fgrabs%2F5acv11%2F511-018.jpg&hash=5ae033997e0012859165eb75f5d8097dae022a8d)
Remember, she that lays with chickens giggle! Darn feathers. *giggle* :P

I don't think that came out right, where is the delete key?

You are doing great Grace!! I am probably as excited as you are. ;D By the way, your photo's rock it girl friend!!! :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 17, 2014, 04:50:13 AM
Quote from: 930310 on March 16, 2014, 02:46:49 PM
You're doing great!

Thanks!

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 16, 2014, 02:55:56 PM
You are doing great Grace!! I am probably as excited as you are. ;D By the way, your photo's rock it girl friend!!! :)

Thanks, should probably post a few more soon.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 17, 2014, 05:09:09 AM
78 days... 7 days to go!

one week! eep!

So today I took some steps towards whatever I need to do to get my name changed. The woman from the registry who I spoke to on the phone was very understanding when I told her I was transgender.

Sent out an email to staff today, inviting them to hear some "exciting personal news" which I'll tell them in a get together tomorrow. The first thing they would have thought was that I'm resigning, so I assured them that wasn't the case and added a few other fanciful scenarios about what it wasn't about...

Quote

  • I'm not resigning, being made redundant, going on extensive leave without pay. Nor am I the new acting Deputy CEO!
  • I don't have a hideously contagious disease that requires us all to all be quarantined for six months. I also don't have any fatal conditions... not that I'm aware of anyway.
  • Sadly, I haven't won big on Lotto/pokies/roulette or had a filthy rich relative die and leave me their castle in Spain. Conversely, I'm not bankrupt.
  • I'm not getting married or about to become a father (at least I hope not).
  • I'm not joining a weird religious cult, an overseas aid program or the Foreign Legion.
  • I don't expect to be arrested, indicted or called before any Royal Commission for anything anytime soon.
  • I'm not a contestant in the next series of Big Brother, Survivor, Master Chef, So You Think You Can Dance?, those home renovation shows or Australian Idol, etc, etc, ad nauseam. That includes all game shows!
  • I'm not an undercover Federal cop, ASIO spook or MI6 00 agent who has been spying on the organisation for the last 15 years.
;D


That was enough to pique their interest so they'll all be there! Yikes!

One colleague won't be in the office tomorrow so I decided to tell her today. We've had a few high profile resignations at work lately so as soon as anyone says they have some "news" everyone assumes the worse, which she did. She was either really happy I am trans* or that I'm not resigning, or possibly both! Anyway she had an extremely positive reaction. I'd like to think I'll get the same from everyone else in the office but I expect at least one, possibly two, will be less than enthusiastic, a few others might be utterly confused... could be wrong, I'll know soon enough I suppose. 18 hours! gulp!!!!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 17, 2014, 05:11:20 AM
You will be flying Sis!

After this nothing will be ever awkward again.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 17, 2014, 05:16:20 AM
Quote from: Cindy on March 17, 2014, 05:11:20 AM
After this nothing will be ever awkward again.

Funny, that's what I said after having a colonoscopy four years ago! ;D

Despite a mild case of the jitters I actually feel quite relaxed about this. There aren't a lot of people in the office anyway, I know a many of them quite well and am on good terms with all of them (I believe!).
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 17, 2014, 06:49:34 AM
So you're going to get into politics! Just make sure its the correct party! Good luck with that. :-\
Some people take this quite seriously.

Ok so your going to be smiling a heck of a lot more and be happy, taking drugs! :D

Best of luck tomorrow and hope all goes well.

Hugs for you
Jen
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: immortal gypsy on March 17, 2014, 06:52:49 AM
]I would of started saying we all have to be quarantined it would get there attention but I have been told I have I very warped mind.  In all seriousness it is good to be selfish. If you try to find the perfect moment to tell significant people parents partners family you can often fail.  I think Alice Morse Earle sums it up best. "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present". Good luck for the week ahead hope it all goes well
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Carlita on March 17, 2014, 06:58:04 AM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 17, 2014, 05:09:09 AM
78 days... 7 days to go!

one week! eep!

So today I took some steps towards whatever I need to do to get my name changed. The woman from the registry who I spoke to on the phone was very understanding when I told her I was transgender.

Sent out an email to staff today, inviting them to hear some "exciting personal news" which I'll tell them in a get together tomorrow. The first thing they would have thought was that I'm resigning, so I assured them that wasn't the case and added a few other fanciful scenarios about what it wasn't about...

That was enough to pique their interest so they'll all be there! Yikes!

One colleague won't be in the office tomorrow so I decided to tell her today. We've had a few high profile resignations at work lately so as soon as anyone says they have some "news" everyone assumes the worse, which she did. She was either really happy I am trans* or that I'm not resigning, or possibly both! Anyway she had an extremely positive reaction. I'd like to think I'll get the same from everyone else in the office but I expect at least one, possibly two, will be less than enthusiastic, a few others might be utterly confused... could be wrong, I'll know soon enough I suppose. 18 hours! gulp!!!!

Good luck, Grace! Love your tantalising message!!

And if it's any help, I can tell you that in all the times I've come out to people the response from friends, co-workers, siblings and parents has been uniformly positive and supportive.

The response from wife and children, not so much!

But just so long as you stick to family and colleagues, I reckon you should be fine. And if they see you looking as cute and as happy in person as we see you looking in the pics that you post, the only problems you may encounter could be jealous gals and pestering guys .. but you can cope with that, right?  ;)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 17, 2014, 07:32:59 AM
Fantastic, Grace :)

And good luck tomorrow!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: 930310 on March 17, 2014, 08:00:59 AM
I wish you the best of luck tomorrow!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Rachel on March 17, 2014, 05:17:16 PM
Good luck tomorrow. I am sending positive thoughts your way.

Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 18, 2014, 03:41:59 AM
So we're all dying to know how it went?

I guess you are out on the town with the girls having a ball as it all went so well. ;)
Just be home before midnight.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 18, 2014, 03:44:25 AM
Do Sydney taxi drivers use pumpkins?

Hope it went well Grace.

Cindy waits for news!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 18, 2014, 06:32:12 AM
77 days... 6 days to go!

OK...! So the announcement to staff went really great. I think people were a little stunned initially, but I massaged the situation and kept it light and breezy, didn't get heavy or emo, everyone (with the exception of one) seemed very supportive. The one who wasn't is feeling she will miss the male version of me, I reassured her I won't be much different in a lot of ways. So that's all great.  :) Afterwards I chatted with quiet a few of the women in small groups or one on one. One woman, who never gives hugs, flung herself at me with a bear hug that almost knocked me over! I still have one or two to tell but that will wrap it up and I will be starting from next week as Grace...

...except...

About a month ago we lost the best supervisor I've ever had. That woman was great but got a "better job" and left after only seven months. Late this afternoon, after all the festivities were over and I was trying to get some work done I discovered there's a very high possibility the organisation may hire possibly the worst woman I've ever had the displeasure of working with as the replacement. A bully, a sociopath, a manipulator, paranoid and divisive...and there's every chance she will be my new supervisor from next week. I left my job 15 years ago because of her (and she wan't even my supervisor then) being in the same room as her made me sick to the stomach with fear and loathing. I'm not the only one that knows she would be destructive for the organisation, I hope we can convince the boss not to take her on. Otherwise the day she starts is the day I go on indefinite stress leave. :(

Never simple is it? You get one good moment and the next instant life blows it right out of the water... we'll see what tomorrow brings. I know the boss is desperate to hire someone but we can't be that desperate. What a utter major upset to what was an awesome day.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 18, 2014, 05:02:28 PM
Oh, Grace...

I was so glad to hear that the meeting went well and then I read the next part :(

I've had some appalling bosses in the past, and I know that awful feeling well enough.  I hope you can convince the ones hiring to see sense...And if not find a way to make it work.

Maybe she's mellowed in 15 years???
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 19, 2014, 03:47:36 AM
Quote from: Joan on March 18, 2014, 05:02:28 PM
I hope you can convince the ones hiring to see sense...And if not find a way to make it work.

Maybe she's mellowed in 15 years???

Well I hope so... it has been a roller coaster ride this last 24 hours...

76 days... 5 days to go!

Had a terrible night last night, worrying about the possibility of that woman being hired. I think I've had a mild virus or something too because I've been running a slight temperature although that has hopefully passed. Didn't help with my mood though, felt sick to my stomach.

Lots of work at work today, go in early and just slogged through that and then some back to back meetings. Had lunch with a friend I've known for 30 years. I said to her "I'm trans gender..." and she said "oh, sweetie I've always known!" :D That was a pretty good response, eh?

I've now told the two other people at work who didn't know, one of them, an older Chinese lady who I actually thought would be pretty weird about it was actually very excited instead. :)

Then I had a word with the boss about the psycho woman she's thinking of hiring. Yes, it was on the cards alright. I was pretty blunt but didn't exaggerate. Another colleague who knew about some of this woman's behaviour was there and able to add additional info, some of it quite damaging. Anyway, the boss did seem a bit perturbed and said she'd take it into consideration. Problem is, being a sociopath means this woman is quite the charmer when she wants to be. ugh. We'll see!

Went to visit my shrink - got changed into gal-mode and walked up the road to his office. Had a useful session talked about my feelings around coming out to my folks.

Went back to work and didn't get changed back into guy-mode. I was going to give them a quick preview and then got stuck in the office for the rest of the afternoon as Grace. No one minded! It was a great, natural & unweird feeling I have to say. Afterwards went to the local pub with a couple of colleagues for a quick drink and chat...one that was totally not about me! yay! Caught the train and walked home, wow am I exhausted!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 19, 2014, 03:50:47 AM
5 days looks destroyed!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 19, 2014, 04:01:17 AM
Lad to read everything went well at work for you big moment.
No going back now so we wont get in the way as you will run us over.

Ok so your not going to turn into a pumpkin after all. Shame.

That's horrible news about this woman from the past.
I really hope that they listen to you and your college and don't hire her.

Jen

All my ducks are beginning to line up. :-\

Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: 930310 on March 19, 2014, 07:36:24 AM
I'm so glad that everything is going so well for you!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 19, 2014, 02:22:06 PM
Thanks everyone! I posted this over on the Transgender Talk board but wanted to add it here, apologies for cross posting...

Full-time...darkest before the dawn?
I'm only days from going full time, the plan is next Monday. I'm now out at work and have been well accepted by my colleagues even if one or two might feel a bit weird about it for their own personal reasons. Friends have all been supportive, even the ones who suffered through me the first time. Haven't told my family yet - that is a task still to come, one I'm not looking forward to. Passing in public has been generally not an issue, out of the thousands of people I've walked past, caught public transport with, etc I've had less than ten scrutinising weird looks (that I'm aware of) - and even then I think they probably decided I was a woman and then just moved on. I'm happy enough with my voice to use it confidently in public, shop assistants and the like don't blink when I use it, my shrink and counsellors say it is good and it is almost second nature to use now, not a strain on my vocal cords even if I'm using it continually (like in a counselling or shrink session). I feel utterly natural and comfortable passing as a woman. I AM a woman. All is going well, right?

Except...

I suddenly feel a massive sense of dread. Every fear I had about this at the outset has suddenly loomed larger than life... "I look like every hateful '>-bleeped-<' stereotype ever spewed forth by cis transphobic society"... "I'm ruining my life, it was pretty good as a dude, if not utterly miserable, and I'm upending it to be able to wear dresses in public??"... "I'm an idiot, a joke, a laughing stock"... "Waaaaaaaahhhh!!!"... etc, etc! Worst of all "this will be my life forever"... the wig, the bras, the body waxing/shaving, the clothes the presentation, the tucking, the painful but gorgeous shoes, worrying about how I look... oh god, this is the life of a woman and it will be every day of my life from Monday onwards.

EVERY. &@#%ING. DAY.

So yeah. Cold feet? They are blocks of ice the size of an Arctic ice sheet. I don't personally subscribe to the idea of "he" is fighting back. I don't see myself in terms of he/she just "me"...so I don't think that's what's going on. Maybe I'm just finally realising there's a massive world of difference between the occasional fun outing as Grace and the unrelenting grind of mundane everyday life as Grace. Yeesh.

I'm keen to hear from others who have passed the threshold into permanent full time (or, like me are approaching it). Last minute doubts? How were the first few weeks on the other side? What is the daily experience like?
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 19, 2014, 02:36:27 PM
I kind of tripped over the threshold of full time, never saw it coming. I think that is how I am taking it so well. I never planned it so I couldn't obsess or worry over it. Just BAM! The first three weeks were so euphoric and wonderful with new experiences and things to be able to shop for. I could go into the ladies sections and not be stared at and it was so comfortably familiar in a way to be able to look and touch the clothes I always wanted to wear. My credit card company loves me being full time, even upgraded me! Now in month three I am so comfortable I actually have forgotten about being trans, I mean, I feel like a cis born woman. When I am driving, shopping, etc. I am not thinking about passing, but completing my errands and paying bills. It feels so good! :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 19, 2014, 02:58:43 PM
Thanks Jessica! Your experience has certainly been inspirational. I know how much you were resisting the idea of being able to pass let alone go full time, and look at you now! What a stunner! I realise I will settle into it, probably quicker than I expect...it's such a seismic shift (or at least feels like it) that I wonder how I will cope with it being my daily existence.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 19, 2014, 04:57:30 PM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 19, 2014, 02:58:43 PM
I wonder how I will cope with it being my daily existence.
Oh Grace! Get ready for it to take longer to get ready to go places. You will pick clothes, change your mind then try to decide which pair of shoes goes best. Some days you will curse makeup was ever invented and how it NEVER looks quite right or last's long enough. Hair will have to be secured to cook, clean, do laundry the list goes on. The girls will be abused until you learn how to move, lay and sit just right. I almost strangled myself the first night I wore a night gown to bed. There will also be learning about the world all over again such as sidewalk grates and heels DONT go together. Car doors will ALWAYS catch dresses. Hair CAN get tangled in seat belts. I am surprised I have lived full time this long without a near death moment of some kind. ;D I almost lost an eye the first time I took out my contact lenses with long nails, but oh I love them so much (eyes and nails). ;)
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 19, 2014, 02:58:43 PMWhat a stunner!
I see you already poked your eyes out with long nails! ;D *giggle* Actually I paid my camera $50.00 and a bottle of Jack to lie it's buns off. :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 20, 2014, 05:14:03 AM
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 19, 2014, 04:57:30 PM
I see you already poked your eyes out with long nails! ;D *giggle* Actually I paid my camera $50.00 and a bottle of Jack to lie it's buns off. :)

Unless you have excellent Photoshop skills I refuse to believe you! :D

Thanks for your words of support, I do feel a lot better now. I think I was feeling tired and emotional after a stressful week. Now that I've rested I'm back to my usual mostly positive outlook.

75 days... 4 days to go!

I've arranged to meet my folks tomorrow...will I have the nerve to tell them?? ??

It seems there's a good chance work won't be employing that hideous woman I mention the other day. That's a huge weight off my shoulders!

Spent a large part of the day looking for wigs. Bought several - seemed like a wise move. Also got a few other styles but the same colour.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 20, 2014, 06:42:55 AM
I hope you're right about that woman. You seemed to be like a rabbit in the headlights once you found out she might have been working there.

Hope it goes well with your parents tomorrow. Just relax and tell them when you feel calm enough.
Do you have the pain monster tomorrow as well?

I am going to see my Aunt on the weekend and perhaps tell her, but she will probably be too crazy now she is a grandmother finally for me to get a word in.
She is about all the family I have. :(

Don't forget to smile.

J
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 20, 2014, 08:20:41 AM
Well Grace and Jenny, I'll be standing next to you in spirit.

Hugs
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 20, 2014, 12:28:15 PM
Thanks ladies! No electrolysis for me tomorrow but I know I'd rather a ten hour session than tell my folks, all pain is relative! Have "fun" with your face zapping Jen and best of luck with your Aunt.

I forgot to put in the post above, mainly because I was zonked out tired, that I won't be in the office for the next few days but a number of internal emails to me are now addressing me as Grace :D Work has a big public event next Thursday (that will be an interesting hurdle/test for me, no doubt) and today the events coordinator circulated a list of the staff attending... and there I was... Ms Grace Cr*****  ;D  ;D ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 20, 2014, 12:32:23 PM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 20, 2014, 12:28:15 PM
today the events coordinator circulated a list of the staff attending... and there I was... Ms Grace Cr*****  ;D  ;D ;D
So way cool!!!! I bet that felt absolutely wonderful. :) Sounds like you are a success story now! ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 20, 2014, 12:56:13 PM
I think so! Hopefully by the end of next week though I will be old news and part of the furniture.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: EmmaD on March 20, 2014, 01:07:37 PM
I'll be thinking of you too over the next few days.  My parents are no longer around and I know telling them would not have been easy or gone well. On the other hand, I now have no opportunity to include them either.  The siblings are in NZ and we don't talk much. That said, I am sure they will find it very interesting and worthy of comment once I do say something. We may start talking more (or less still!).

Wig shopping for me tomorrow and I am thinking it will not just be one - might as well "own it" if you have to have them.

Have great time next week at work - it seems to be going extremely well and that I think is solely due to you and the relationships you have built with your work colleagues.

Enjoy!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 21, 2014, 01:06:58 AM
74 days... 3 days to go!

Told my folks today... it went really well! Certainly better than I expected and they are both understanding and supportive (we'll see if they still feel that way when the shock wears off).

I explained to them about my melt down in February last year and that after discussing it with medical professionals it became clear I still had "gender dysphoria" (don't like the phrase myself, but it helped to frame it for them). I stressed that I loved them, that I didn't arrive at the decision lightly but I couldn't continue to live my life as a man that I needed to live as a woman. My mum held my hand the whole way through (especially once my waterworks started flowing, and they were really flowing at this point!).

But they listened as I explained what I was doing, that I would be starting work next week as Grace, that work and friends were very supportive, that I passed well (& showed them pictures to prove it!) and they never once got upset or angry or ridiculed anything I ever said. My mother had to acknowledge that as a child I had never liked playing rough games with other boys, and that she had kind of wondered if I had ever really "given up" on my first transition. My dad was pretty stoic but said he was completely supportive of whatever I decided to do. He even let me hug him!

So I will be going to my niece's birthday gathering after all (it's actually a joint thing for her and a belated one for me). I will be going in guy mode though as my sister and kids don't know yet, will talk to her at the end and then decide on the best way to tell the kids if she is open to it. Knowing my folks are supportive might help her feel OK about it.

Phew! What a massive, massive day!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 21, 2014, 01:09:41 AM
Congratulations!

Hugs

And I think you could use a nice glass of wine
:icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Anatta on March 21, 2014, 01:18:13 AM
Kia Ora Grace,

The cat is well and truly out the bag...Congratulation... up up and away.....

Metta Anatta :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 21, 2014, 01:19:40 AM
YAY! Thanks, Cindy and Anatta! ;D

I should add that my mother said "I guess I have two daughters now" and I said "you always have" and she smiled and nodded. So happy!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 21, 2014, 01:21:35 AM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 21, 2014, 01:19:40 AM
YAY! Thanks, Cindy and Anatta! ;D

I should add that my mother said "I guess I have two daughters now" and I said "you always have" and she smiled and nodded. So happy!

Damn, now I'm crying
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Anatta on March 21, 2014, 01:22:29 AM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 21, 2014, 01:19:40 AM
YAY! Thanks, Cindy and Anatta! ;D

I should add that my mother said "I guess I have two daughters now" and I said "you always have" and she smiled and nodded. So happy!

Kia Ora Grace,

Treasure this moment...It will help see you through any hard times to come....

Metta Anatta :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 21, 2014, 01:27:11 AM
I'm crying too.

I'm so, so glad it went well for you, Grace  :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 21, 2014, 01:33:06 AM
Quote from: Joan on March 21, 2014, 01:27:11 AM
I'm crying too.

I'm so, so glad it went well for you, Grace  :)

There will be a breaking of the drought in Australia I think :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 21, 2014, 02:45:33 AM
Pull yourselves together girls.

We need to have a wake for you Grace
A big bash

Ideas?

Warm up the branding irons.

>:-) >:-) >:-) >:-)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 21, 2014, 02:47:37 AM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 21, 2014, 02:45:33 AM
Pull yourselves together girls.

We need to have a wake for you Grace
A big bash

Ideas?

Warm up the branding irons.

>:-) >:-) >:-) >:-)

I was designing a rather attractive

"Amazing Grace" for the right buttock >:-)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 21, 2014, 02:49:13 AM
I can almost smell the scent of seared flesh as you type....
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindi Lane on March 21, 2014, 02:29:34 PM
Congratulations Grace!

You and your journey are an inspirational. I wish much joy for you!

You have inspired me to charge off to a two hour electrolysis session today
to continue my journey.
(actually I setup the appointment a week ago  ::)  )

Hugs
-Cindi
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: 930310 on March 21, 2014, 02:33:56 PM
"Everyday it's a gettin' closer
Goin' faster than a roller coaster"

I hope that everything goes well and I'm happy to hear that everything worked out with your parents!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 21, 2014, 02:35:57 PM
Quote from: Cindy on March 21, 2014, 02:47:37 AM
I was designing a rather attractive

"Amazing Grace" for the right buttock >:-)
What's Jenny's going to say? ;D

I am so happy for you Grace! The two daughter thing got me going as well. :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 21, 2014, 04:25:01 PM
Thanks all for your support, encouragement and kind words (well, except the bit about searing the flesh of my right buttocks!  :laugh: ) Quite honestly I never knew I had it in me. Even though I still need to tell my sister and brother I feel the really difficult outing part is over and done with. Now the dread is gone and I am so excited for it to be Monday I'm almost committing sacrilege by wishing the weekend to go quickly >:-)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 21, 2014, 06:03:29 PM
I think you must be running a high fever and having delusions wishing it to be Monday. Better see a therapist. :D
Know any?
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 22, 2014, 04:19:53 AM
73 days... 2 days to go!

Quote from: Jenny07 on March 21, 2014, 06:03:29 PM
I think you must be running a high fever and having delusions wishing it to be Monday. Better see a therapist. :D

Yes, sad I know! Fortunately I found a pretty good way to make the weekend go a bit faster... shopping and sleeping! (um, not at the same time!)

Went shopping for work clothes this morning, and ended up buying a whole heap of casual stuff instead! Seriously, that never happened when I went shopping for dude clothes I went with a mission and was in and out with exactly what I wanted in ten minutes tops. Think I must have spent well over an hour browsing and trying on stuff today. :D And there's still more to buy!!

All the stress and lack of sleep from the last week caught up with me this arvo after lunch and I think I slept for at least two hours and feel much more refreshed now.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: 930310 on March 22, 2014, 12:32:33 PM
Try to relax a bit Grace. I know that it's a huge step and that you are nervous, but try to stay as calm as possible. Play some music you like or watch a movie just to stress down a bit. You are inspring!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 22, 2014, 04:11:17 PM
Last day on planet Earth for Him.
I see you can't sleep.

Get set for Blastoff!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608022654565551548%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=778ee1695dd2015574419794c909bd757685283b)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: immortal gypsy on March 22, 2014, 04:18:14 PM
T-minus 15 hours 44 minutes. Good luck Grace
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 22, 2014, 09:57:25 PM
I think the Ms Grace train has already left....

Non stop to happiness, no return journey.
Where do I get my ticket. ;)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608050223965802139%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=b88570c230fdd7493c2c351d38d7dcb2006864fc)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Catherine Sarah on March 23, 2014, 12:13:25 AM
Hi Jenny,
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 22, 2014, 09:57:25 PM
Non stop to happiness, no return journey.
Where do I get my ticket. ;)

I know exactly where you get them. We'll go shopping for yours as soon as I'm back.

Keep up the good work, in the meantime.

Huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 23, 2014, 06:15:54 PM
Quote from: Catherine Sarah on March 23, 2014, 12:13:25 AM
I know exactly where you get them. We'll go shopping for yours as soon as I'm back.
RUN JENNY, RUN!!!! Get the net ready gals she is heading your way! ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Misato on March 23, 2014, 07:12:48 PM
May the kickoff of your life tomorrow be a blissful one!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 24, 2014, 02:21:52 AM
72 days... 1 day to go!

This post is for yesterday - unfortunately the site outage kept me from sharing the day's adventures.

We had a family get together for my niece and my birthday's.  Hers was earlier this week, mine was weeks ago. I was there in dude-mode. It was a good gauge to see if my folks had gone weird on me after the news I dropped on them two days earlier. But they were still cool. My mother was nervous about me telling my sister (let alone her three kids), she's had a rough twelve months of it... I said I'd play it by ear but she'd have to know sooner rather than later. As it turns out I found a good opportunity to talk with her privately about her stuff and then dropped mine into the mix, telling her I was transgender. She said, "Oh yeah, I know, you've already told me"...!!! Turns out I must have revealed my transgender past at some point after my first attempt. I'd forgotten, seem to vaguely recall it now. And she was totally fine. I told her I'd be transitioning at work, that I'd told the folks and they were cool with it. We decided to tell he two sons, my nephews (19 & 16). They were both cool with it, especially when I told them I'd still be interested in the same stuff as before (comics, sci-fi, etc).

Gee, I know my family wouldn't have been this OK with it 20 years ago, but jeeze if they had been it would have made it easier to transition, that's for sure!!

Now all I have to do is get ready for work tomorrow!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: 930310 on March 24, 2014, 02:32:04 AM
The big day has arrived! I wish you all the best! :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: meganB on March 24, 2014, 03:57:33 AM
Good luck today.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 24, 2014, 04:04:51 AM
Can hardly wait to hear how it went :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 24, 2014, 04:21:27 AM
So did I miss the blastoff?

There was meant to be a almighty blastoff.....

Yes Jessica, I'm running, running away very afraid! :D

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.607993276988459337%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=c3c3d7cb9f7260da91597180c2c69b39ffc228ed)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 24, 2014, 05:43:56 AM
70 days... BLASTOFF!!

Woo! So today was the big day! Had hella crazy dreams last night - including one where I was at work and every time someone said my dude name I said "who?"! In another one there was a huge crowd of people I'd never met there to wish me well, including an impersonator of a former Prime Minister in a bad wig!

Got to work bright and early. The boss said she wanted to give me a big hug, she's pretty damn proud of me, she's been with me on this journey since I revealed I was transgender back in early March last year! Another close colleague, the other one who has been with me on this the same amount of time, bought me some beautiful pink lilies. Truly beautiful!

I received this email from a member of our Board (as a community, non-Government organisation our Board members are volunteers, not paid but usually managers in other NGOs):

QuoteDear Grace,

Congratulations and in a way welcome to (the organisation)! Thank you for asking A (the boss) to share your exciting news with us. I am so pleased that you are undertaking your transition while continuing to work at (the organisation). I imagine that today in some respects might feel like your first day at work, hence my welcome statement.

I've said this to A and the rest of the Board but want to say to you directly that although I'm confident that the (organisation) staff, Board, members and our associates will be supportive of you should you ever experience any discrimination or vilification that this is something the Board will take very seriously and we will stand beside you and deal with it in a timely and appropriate manner through our complaints and disciplinary procedures.

Congratulations on taking this important step. If there's anything I can do to support you feel free to contact me directly anytime.

Wishing you bucket loads of happiness and peace.

How awesome is that?

I received a number of nice emails from other Board members, plus from some people who work outside my organisation.

But you know, it was a busy day and it was soon down to work. Had a few people slip and call me by my dude name. I just said "who?" ;) But overall they are trying hard. Some of them have known me for many, many years so I'm going to cut them a little bit of slack.

It was certainly the longest I've tried to maintain the "Grace persona" and it did feel a little bit of an effort at about the five hour mark but that evaporated because I was too busy to care. By the end of the day I was almost part of the furniture, which is great! So it was both an extraordinary day and an ordinary one. The important thing is it felt good. I didn't have to worry about trying to keep the girls hidden away. i wore my favourite dress, been dying to wear it to work for the longest time. I felt normal and I felt respected. I work for such a great place with a load of awesome people.

Commuting was a breeze too.

Got a wonderful call from Catherine to check up on me, a really nice end to the day!

I'm going to keep this transition thread going for a while longer, this certainly is only the beginning of this phase in my life and I figure it would be cool to write about the process and other developments.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: helen2010 on March 24, 2014, 06:42:12 AM
Grace

Really delighted that the big day came so quickly and went so well

Safe travels

Aisla
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: ToniB on March 24, 2014, 06:43:38 AM
Hi Grace I am so very pleased for you that it went so well .The best possible result that a person can get is that things just go on as usual if you think about it .No reaction is far far better then a bnad reaction after all .You did everything right and got a almost perfect result a completely trouble free and hassle free transition to being yourself ,what more can anybody ask for  ;D ;DWELL DONR GIRL and lets hope every thing you want to achieve goes as well
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Rachel on March 24, 2014, 03:05:05 PM
I agree, Well Done Girl!

I am so happy for you right now. This is a wonderful outcome.

I am interested how you feel as the days go by with respect to a routine and all the extra care in the morning preparing for work.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 24, 2014, 04:44:03 PM
CONGRATS GRACE!!!

I am so happy for you! You did it girl!! ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 25, 2014, 02:46:34 AM
Thank you everyone for your well wishes, it has helped like you wouldn't believe!

+2 & counting

My second day! And it went well, just as busy as yesterday and I'm already old news I think. Just the way I want it! ;)

We're kind of almost nearly heading in Autumn/Fall here in Sydney - and yet we're still getting late Summer weather for the most part, warm, humid thunderstorms with flooding deluges and temperature drops. Plus the mornings are very chilly. Normally I'd know how to dress for that kind of weather, but that's in dude mode and I'm at a bit of loss with women's attire. Could have overdressed today, turned out it was borderline OK but I really need to develop a better sense of what I'll need for the climate. In part it's also because I don't have a big wardrobe so my options are limited. Gonna have to buy more clothes tomorrow.

BTW, been on HRT for 9 months!

More well wishes from associates coming in today, it really is wonderful how accepting everyone has been (that I know of). I changed LinkedIn today and will probably do Facebook next. That's when it's "really official" right??! ::)

Bought my lunch from a cafe I'm a regular at - the guy who has been serving me for that long and who knows my dude name didn't even recognise me. Never blinked. I gather he registered me as a completely different customer.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 25, 2014, 02:52:54 AM
Ah more shopping. The things a girl has to do. ;)

So so happy for you.

Came out to the girl who head the company Pride organisation today.
Thanked her for last night as the company had an event.

It will be interesting to see if she got it as I identify as part of LGBT but not LGB. :-\
She is L herself and is high up....
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 25, 2014, 02:53:25 AM
You can add that one to the 'you know you pass when...' Thread :D

Absolutely fantastic, Grace. I'm so happy for you and how it's working out.

I'm a long way off being able to go full time, but I'm starting to get impatient for it and my time frame keeps shrinking :). Your story has been a real inspiration for me.

Keep the updates coming!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 25, 2014, 02:58:45 AM
Ladies I am so proud of you!

Jenny you are going great, just take your time and it will fall into place. Same for you Joan, you will know when you are ready.

Grace a girls best friend, Brands Direct, you buy cute clothes for a vastly reduced price and I have never had an issue with them at all, they have been great.

Is it true Sydney siders are building an Ark? I hear you have had some precipitation :laugh:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jill F on March 25, 2014, 03:05:16 AM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 25, 2014, 02:46:34 AM
Thank you everyone for your well wishes, it has helped like you wouldn't believe!

+2 & counting

Gonna have to buy more clothes tomorrow.

More well wishes from associates coming in today, it really is wonderful how accepting everyone has been (that I know of). I changed LinkedIn today and will probably do Facebook next. That's when it's "really official" right??! ::)

Bought my lunch from a cafe I'm a regular at - the guy who has been serving me for that long and who knows my dude name didn't even recognise me. Never blinked. I gather he registered me as a completely different customer.

Yessss!  Rule #1- you can never have too many outfits. I love fall/winter because I love the warm embrace of a soft sweater and cute boots.

I came out on Facebook as well.  You can't exactly put the genie back in that bottle, but OMG did I shock a lot of people!

The thing where people don't recognize you is pretty cool, yes?   My wife and I have frequented a Mexican restaurant for almost 15 years.  The day I came in after losing 50+ pounds was one thing, but when I went in girl mode for the first time, the hostess who had known us for at least 7 years asked my wife, "Where's your husband tonight?" The look on her face when my wife pointed to me was indescribable.

You did it!  Congraceulations!!!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 25, 2014, 03:12:19 AM
Quote from: Cindy on March 25, 2014, 02:58:45 AM
Jenny you are going great, just take your time and it will fall into place.

Small steps constantly moving forward or is that upwards?
Then the huge jump...or is that push?

I hear banging on the door! No!!!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 25, 2014, 03:14:50 AM
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 25, 2014, 03:12:19 AM
Small steps constantly moving forward or is that upwards?
Then the huge jump...or is that push?

I hear banging on the door! No!!!

That is the sound of the wall breaking, soon you will step over the debris.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 25, 2014, 03:17:41 AM
Quote from: Cindy on March 25, 2014, 02:58:45 AM

Jenny you are going great, just take your time and it will fall into place. Same for you Joan, you will know when you are ready.

I guess so, Cindy. Small steps for me too though I'm slowly gaining confidence and really loving that feeling :D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: 930310 on March 25, 2014, 08:22:41 AM
Great work Grace and you are doing so well and I wish you all the best!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 26, 2014, 04:23:42 AM
+3 & counting

Day three! Almost hardly worth a mention except for a few notable moments...

I wore a black dress today, quite a nice one but I wasn't sure if it would be "too much" for the office - nothing outrageous I just wondered if it wasn't a bit "too black" for day wear, if it was more of an evening dress. But I got good comments from a few of the women. One said she'd seen me in in the street but hadn't initially realised it was me, apparently her first thoughts were that she "really liked the dress". She also told me she was rather jealous that I could wear it as well as I was. Quite the compliment, methinks!

My boss was also telling me she thought I had "the walk" just right - she's noticed me walking down the corridor and apparently thought that it looked very natural. So that's a good bit of free feedback.

It's remarkable how natural I feel being in the office presenting as a woman - like I am finally the real me, not having to pretend to be "dude me". The constant gender pressures from presenting as male have all but melted away. I believe I am in fitting in easily, that my colleagues are remarkably accepting of me now being at work in a dress, a wig and using a differently pitched voice... I can only think that is because I've been able to put them at ease and sell myself as nothing out of the ordinary. I've never been a workplace where someone has transitioned so I don't have any way of gauging how typical or atypical my workplace transition has been thus far.

My colleagues are certainly making an effort to get my name right although there is still the odd slip up. I just say "who?" ;) When they use my old dude name. One woman has even written my name on a post-it note and stuck it to her computer monitor in an attempt to ensure she gets it right.

So anyway, it is going well. Tomorrow will be a major test because my work is having a public function with about 130 attendees and I'll be mixing with a number of people I know and who may have not heard of my transition at all, or heard only second or third hand.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 26, 2014, 06:23:57 PM
I say do the black dress all you like :) What Do you have picked out for today?  :D

Having so little confidence in my own voice, when I imagine myself going full time using it with colleagues I've known for so long is one of the things that would fill me with dread.  You're taking it all in your stride!

Enjoy the function :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jessica Merriman on March 26, 2014, 06:29:49 PM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 26, 2014, 04:23:42 AM
+3 & counting
Day three! Almost hardly worth a mention except for a few notable moments...
Tomorrow will be a major test because my work is having a public function with about 130 attendees and I'll be mixing with a number of people I know and who may have not heard of my transition at all, or heard only second or third hand.
Super Grace wont even break a sweat for this! ;D You rock Sis!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: radsi on March 26, 2014, 06:34:45 PM
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 26, 2014, 04:23:42 AM
+3 & counting

One woman has even written my name on a post-it note and stuck it to her computer monitor in an attempt to ensure she gets it right.


That's proper cute! bless her haha

Oh and hi :) I have lurked in ure thread here for a while
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 27, 2014, 02:32:56 AM
+4 & counting

Day 4 was a big day! We had a major work function, about 130 invited guests (including politicians, NGO CEOs, media, plus a whole bunch of people who only knew me as dude-me) at a significant public venue. Last time we held something similar I remember posting in "What made you both happy and sad today?" that being at the event in guy mode made me sad, I really wanted to be there as Grace but thinking that maybe next time I could be there as Grace made me happy. And to be honest, it was this event which was a major factor in me going full time at work sooner than planned. If I hadn't gone by the start of this week then I would have been feeling the same way as I did at the previous event, possibly worse. So I leapt early in part for today. And I'm so glad I did. All that "blah" I was feeling the last time? Gone. I didn't feel awkward or nervous, I felt great. I was there as me and it felt so utterly natural and normal. I blended in nicely, and those people who only knew dude-me? Most of them didn't even recognise me! I had to get right in their faces before they realised who I was. And they were all so accepting, and the women in particular were very complimentary.

I have to admit I still can't get over the fact women talk to each other in the rest-room. Had a work colleague come in while I was (literally) powdering my nose and she struck up a conversation as if we were standing in the kitchen at work. It's nice though. Just find it... different. And I felt thrilled she was relaxed enough around me to chat like that and not rush straight into the stall and lock the door! :laugh:

Back at the office one of my colleagues later remarked that my whole body language and demeanour had changed, she added that she felt she was reacting differently to me, that she felt more at ease with me. Admittedly we had an antagonistic working relationship when she started some 5 years ago, but I had thought it had been fairly amicable for the last couple of years. Apparently she see's things are even more amicable. She remarked that she felt I had made it very easy for her to accept me as a woman. That was pretty cool.

So I'm pretty happy with how the first week went. I have Friday off and will be working from home on Monday - here's hoping next week goes as well if not better! :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 27, 2014, 02:33:55 AM
Hmm

I bet you didn't plan on the weather.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608036308277398851%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=76c0203fc17372b061d6a5b94560b9d3dbf8e127)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Cindy on March 27, 2014, 02:46:48 AM
Still having some weather are we?

Congrats Grace.

Oh yes the restroom chats!

I had an engineer in today who I'm very sure had been 'warned' about me. He was very shy and quite hesitant. As I had no one in my lab except men and myself today he did relax. At the end of the day he shook my hand and as I thanked him for all of his help, he responded by saying I was a remarkable woman and he was so pleased to have met me.

Nice I thought!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 27, 2014, 03:20:25 AM
Yeah, the weather was the pits - at least it was an indoor thing and I didn't get drenched. Women's shoes are not made for puddles!

Quote from: Cindy on March 27, 2014, 02:46:48 AM
I had an engineer in today who I'm very sure had been 'warned' about me. He was very shy and quite hesitant. As I had no one in my lab except men and myself today he did relax. At the end of the day he shook my hand and as I thanked him for all of his help, he responded by saying I was a remarkable woman and he was so pleased to have met me.

Always nice to get that kind of compliment. At the moment people are treating me as someone transitioning, I do look forward to being treated totally as a woman.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Tessa James on March 27, 2014, 04:00:29 AM
Hi Grace, congratulations!  I have been too busy to drop by lately but it is a treat to catch you in debutante status.
You are wonderfully ready and a rock out star.  I hope you enjoy the initial celebrity and well merited recognition and encouragement from your community.
You make me smile girl!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Rachel on March 27, 2014, 07:24:59 PM
Ms Grace, I am so happy for you. I love reading about how the work people interact with you.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 28, 2014, 03:45:51 PM
+5 & counting

After the highs of Thursday, Friday was a total downer... because I was utterly sick. Virus or food poisoning, dunno, don't think I've ever felt so craptacular. Spent the day in bed, sleeping, too weak to do anything. :(

I was going for a three hour beard zapping session too but there was no way that was going to happen. A shame, that's a few hundred follicles that have had a stay of execution... good news for them I suppose!

Anyway, feeling better now... and hungry... which is a good sign. Think I'll have to take myself clothes shopping this weekend to celebrate my recovery.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on March 28, 2014, 05:21:16 PM
Hope they were OK with last minute cancelation. Have another one next Saturday myself.

Nice to see you're better and going to hit the shops. Watch out Grace is out and about.
Have to go into work today  >:(

Seems like it almost normal now for you.
Incredible.

J
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 28, 2014, 05:32:19 PM
I think they're OK with it, I have a "good track record" apparently!

And I have to admit to being amazed at how normal it does feel. For me anyway. Being at work as Grace just seems so natural and easy I don't even think about it most of the time.

I mentioned to someone that I don't think I ever received so many compliments about my appearance or clothes when I was a dude!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 29, 2014, 01:25:40 AM
+6 & counting

Still recovering from the tummy bug - much, much, much better than this time yesterday but still weak and need to sleep a lot. Had to go shopping for essential supplies but felt so crap I couldn't be bothered shaving or anything to get me presentable so went in guy mode... sure felt weird and confusing to say the least. Got it over and done with and headed back home ASAP.

Since I had nothing better to do I outed myself on Facebook... (changing my profile pic and gender at the same time)...

QuoteHey FB friends - some of you already know this but it's time to make it Facebook official... I'm transgender and after a considerable amount of soul searching and similar cliches I've decided to transition to female - my identified gender. This has been fairly seismic as you may imagine but I'd really like to thank my wonderful family, friends, colleagues and workplace for their support and acceptance of me in this process - it has meant a LOT. (crying now!) So yeah, as of last Monday I went "full-time" as Grace and it has been simply awesome - I know it's not an easy thing for people who are comfortable in their gender to understand but this has made a world of difference to my sense of self, my personal well being and happiness. I'm still the same person, still interested in the same stuff and still as utterly cynical as ever but if you can can call me Grace from now on, and use she/her it would be deeply appreciated. See you round the interwebs or in real life real soon!

I've received nothing but positive comments and a butt load of Likes... yay for Facebook friends! Most of them I know directly and see on a regular basis, some are family and others I know through art connections, there's only a very few who I don't know directly in person just through associated projects.

This from my sister...

QuoteI love you Grace and am very proud of you xox

Seriously, makes me cry!
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Joan on March 29, 2014, 03:21:14 AM
That comment from your sister got me going too (T_T)

I hope you get over the bug soon :)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on March 31, 2014, 03:38:04 AM
+8 & counting

Didn't have anything to report yesterday... was still recovering from whatever ailed me on Friday. But I was good to go this morning, so after spending the last three days in bed I decided I was going to work today. An interesting challenge too, because I'm on a new committee with other staff that meet with some architects (about our pending move to new premises). Now some might say the event we had last week with 130 or so guests would be the bigger challenge, but sitting in a meeting in a meeting room with three guys I've just met and being able to maintain a passable persona for almost two hours is definitely trumped the event. Anyway, I think it worked. When I showed one of the architects our server room and IT set-up he was talking to me... until one of the our staff from the meeting, a guy, came in and then he spoke exclusively to him. Might as well have not been in the room! I think that qualifies as passing...?! Have to say I knew men excluding women from conversations happened but still found it weird to have it happening to me!

I think my novelty factor is wearing off (yay) and I'm quickly becoming regarded as one of the women. I only got misnamed once today (fortunately, not in the meeting). I overheard one staff member quite effortlessly talking about my participation in another meeting, calling me she and Grace and it just made me feel awesome.

A weird thing happened on the way home. Getting off the train a guy asked me if I'd left my bag on the seat (turns out it belonged to another woman) - nice of him to ask. But he reached up (he was sitting) and touched me gently on the arm which really startled me. No way a guy would have done that to me had I been in dude mode! Found it surprising. I never did that to women (or the ignoring thing I mentioned above) but is this what most men are like?

Anyway, went clothes shopping (postponed from Saturday) en route from the station. Got a good haul and am now $$$ poorer! :icon_mrgreen:
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Catherine Sarah on March 31, 2014, 07:39:16 PM
Hi Grace,
Just a quickie,
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 27, 2014, 02:32:56 AM
Back at the office one of my colleagues later remarked that my whole body language and demeanour had changed,

And essentially that's all I've ever seen from you. That changed demeanour that was formed within and radiated outwardly is something we as individuals find hard to see in ourselves. Yet it is plainly obvious to everyone else.

Keep doing what you're doing. It only gets better from here on.

Huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on April 01, 2014, 06:07:42 AM
Quote from: Catherine Sarah on March 31, 2014, 07:39:16 PM
...essentially that's all I've ever seen from you. That changed demeanour that was formed within and radiated outwardly is something we as individuals find hard to see in ourselves. Yet it is plainly obvious to everyone else.

Keep doing what you're doing. It only gets better from here on.

Thanks Catherine! :) I think a lot of it has been repressed body expression I've long wanted to use but just never allowed myself to since most men don't use it and people just thought I was gay if I did stand, gesture, walk or sit in those ways. Great to be able to just let it out, feels natural.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on April 01, 2014, 06:20:14 AM
+9 & counting

A selfie I took at work today. I'm writing a short re-introduction of myself for our newsletter and needed a pic. I didn't have to write the article but the broader NGO community sector I work in can be gossip intensive so I thought I'd just put out a brief piece to confirm anything that might start moving through the grapevine and hopefully squish anything ridiculous.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fxmung.com%2Fimpossumbly%2Fwork.jpg&hash=37902d90ff53fe452fa5cbd84765277fe06c13bc)

If you're wondering about the "gargoyle" on my shelf that's a loooong story! :)

Bought the dress yesterday as part of my shopping spree. Got some very complimentary comments today.

There are only women in the section of the office I'm working in (all older than me)... one of them said, "we seem to be talking about girly stuff a lot more lately, must be because of Grace!"  ;D
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on April 02, 2014, 06:16:53 AM
+10 & counting

Not even the lady who serves drinks at the local watering hole recognises me, and she's been there for years. Seriously?

I love working in the Community Sector, it must be one of the few strata of existence where telling someone you're trans* and have transitioned to female is met with "that's great news, congratulations!"... it's like announcing you're pregnant or getting married! Not that I'm complaining mind you, I'd rather that than what many other people endure in their employment sectors. But it is amusing. :)

Had to use a women's public rest room this afternoon - there was an ad for a vaginal dryness treatment on the back door of the stall. Well, obviously, makes sense but I was still "OK, that's novel"! First time I've come face to face with such blatant "lady's problem" advertising in a public space. On reflection though, what was really remarkable was that it hadn't been defaced with lewd graffiti... well, duh, of course not, I wasn't in the men's rest room! ;)
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Ms Grace on April 10, 2014, 04:45:16 AM
+18 & counting

Time for an update... things have been going great. Went out three nights in a row this week:

Today I was in interviews all day to fill a vacancy at work - that's right a trans* person who's on the interview panel! :laugh:

It's been a great week but I am seriously exhausted, so glad I have Friday off...I'd be "more glad" if it wasn't so I can have three hours of electro but I think I'll cope.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: Jenny07 on April 10, 2014, 05:22:58 AM
The things a girl has to do....

Enjoy the pain monster and say hello from me.

I'll be back.
Title: Re: 95 days to go...!
Post by: luna nyan on April 10, 2014, 06:00:31 AM
Quote from: Ms Grace on April 10, 2014, 04:45:16 AM
It's been a great week but I am seriously exhausted, so glad I have Friday off...I'd be "more glad" if it wasn't so I can have three hours of electro but I think I'll cope.

Ugh, that can be more tiring than working. >.<
Hope you have a good session anyway and booked it for the morning so the afternoon can be relaxing (horrible weather and all...)

Sounds like things are going great!  I'm happy for you. Q('.'Q)