I had this really long thing typed out about my timeline with gender problems/labels/etc. and some family stuff, but in the end, I felt it was too personal to post. So, I just want to ask a super general question.
I'm getting a therapist soon, and am trying to figure out if I should tell them that I'm trans or not. I am not out to my family, really. I don't think my family would be accepting; it's complicated and I won't get into details. Maybe they will, though. I'd have to just do it and see for myself.
Has anyone else come out to their normal therapist before family, and if so, how did that go?
I'm not sure if my normal therapist would suggest I go see a gender therapist or not sometime soon, or if they don't refer you to one for a while. Idk. Regardless, I just know I'd have to tell my family at some point, but I feel like I should tell my therapist first, once I get one. I'm just worried.
Yes, defenilty go talk to therpaist first. they can give you the tools on how to come out to family and then friends. I did it all arse backwards, i wish i went to see a someone first before i let it all boil and slop out!
LC - Everyone is different. You should do what you feel comfortable with. I know "comfortable" doesn't apply regardless which option you choose.
--- what follows is my opinion only But that's what you get here, opinions. Ultimately YOU need to decide. ---
The one thing that I DO suggest is that you don't do your therapist's job. Tell them your symptoms and your thoughts/feelings. If you start with "I'm Trans" where does that leave the therapist? I, personally, think that it's wiser and better in the long run if you say "I've been diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria" vs "My therapist agreed with me, I'm Transgender." It helps make it more "medical" than "a choice."
Again - personal opinion but that one sentence has served me well. I have had ZERO bad reactions from the 100+ people I've told. Even those that I suspected would be trouble actually gave me some of the most positive responses.
Yes, I told my normal therapist on our first meet. In fact it was the first thing that came out of my mouth.
She explained to me that she wasn't a gender therapist, but was happy to listen and give council where she could.
I was definitely ready to open up though, it really helped in the end dealing with the more common issues of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Just talking and offloading was a big release. I've now been referred to a gender clinic for more specialised help. So a stepping stone for me.
I told my therapist on our first meeting. I just told her that I want to be a woman. That seemed to get the point across. [emoji16]
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When I brought up the subject in my first meeting with my analyst, all joking aside, he asked me "how do you feel about that?"
Discussion ensued in a rather matter of fact way. He ended up saying something on the order of "I don't see anything wrong with that, do you?" Followed by something along the lines of "...so, you are not average... in a whole host of ways. Do you find that to be a problem? ...does it really matter internally to you where your gender lies?"
To which I responded roughly: "I like whom I've become internally and really have few conflicts about it personally. It's the problem of figuring out the implications for navigating through the gender issues in the context of the outside world that troubles me."
And that was the rather painless beginning of a very productive therapeutic relationship.
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It's totally your opinion on whether to tell the therapist first or family.
In my personal opinion, telling a professional is always the best first move. They are 1: independent from your social circle and 2: a professional in what they do. Whoever you are seeing, they will be able to talk through with you critically (better or for worse) about why and diagnose - it's essentially part of their thing to figure out what's going on and how to give you strategies to help you out in life.
Either way, I hope you figure and find a way that's comfortable for YOU!
Thank you all for the help! I really truly appreciate it. I will definitely take some bits and pieces from how you guys told your therapist. I also... kind of forgot that they would definitely give me advice on coming out. Common sense is lost with anxiety sometimes, huh.
But, I feel a lot better now. ;D Thank you again!