I'll try to keep this short but I have started dating a cisgendered gay man, I don't really know how to naviagte this situation because I know so very few gay men let alone gay transman, ??? I ask him about marriage and he seems sort of in the middle about it. I grew up in a traditional family where marriage is kind of the thing to do and I want to follow down the same path as well. Oh I'm 22 and he's 27 so there is about a five year age difference as well. I know the LGBT community has a different perspective on marriage but I'm not sure if it's that or he just doesn't want to get married. I'm a bit worried if he is not committed to marriage or the ideal of marriage he will stray because gay men have nothing to tie them down like straight men do. :-\
~Kyle
Hi Key,
I do not know if you can use generalizations on a specific person. You can find out why your boy friend does not want to consider marriage, it would be the best way to go. If it is something you can not live without and your boyfriend will not consider marriage ever then you need to make a decision to break-up or stay together.
ok thanks Cythnia that makes sense. He is a good person with a good heart. I try to be understanding of LGBT issues but he is the first gay man I've ever dated I guess it makes sense to ask him I just assumed gay men have trouble committing to relationships.
~Kyle
Twenty-seven is still pretty young for many people nowadays to want to think of marriage, and if you haven't been dating for all that long, he might not be ready to give you a yes or no yet.
"'m a bit worried if he is not committed to marriage or the ideal of marriage he will stray because gay men have nothing to tie them down like straight men do. " <--- I don't think this is true. Babies don't tie cis-men down in straight relationships, many leave relationships even if there's babies. Also, many gay couples adopt children or have children through surrogates (and transmen sometimes give birth). There's just as much (or little) to hold a gay man down in a relationship as their is to hold a straight man down.
Anyone can wind up in a situation where their spouse, significant other etc. leaves, cheats what ever. The best thing you can do is to make sure there are no issues that are unresolved between the two of you.
Its not as easy for trans people to find someone, so i think that when we do, we want to hang on to them and sacrifice some of what we want. If this guy is right, then he won't stray, but its better to find out how he feels before you are so deeply invested that a breakup tears you apart.
The only male gay couple I've known were partners for about nine years before they went they broke up. I'm not sure why.
Sam1234
As a gay trans guy with a gay bio partner, I don't think that gay men are any less committed. My partner and I have been together for nearly 12 years and we are happy and monogamous. I've know a lot of older gay men who view the marriage issue as a hot button topic for a lot of reasons.
Have you asked him why he doesn't consider marriage? It could be something as simple as he never thought it was an option for him. Also, how long have you been dating? That could be a factor in his idea of marriage. My partner and I only got married out of necessity and only after 9 years. Remember that relationships are all different. I come from a staunch Southern Baptist family and my relationship is very unusual from my family but just as good if not better than others in my family.
As I said, there may be a very reasonable reason your boyfriend hasn't thought of marriage.
ok that makes sense Ayden I thought most people are okay with gay marriage now but I could be wrong, we've only been dating for a year
and DriftingCow you have given me some things to think about. I suppose the same problems that happen in a straight relationship could also happen in a gay relationship. :-\
~Kyle
*mod edit for content
Gay men are not wired differently from straight men.