Got up and the world felt great. Got to work and it sll went well. Looking down at my shirt I thought hmmm... things are a bit obvious - maybe I need a bra. Then halfway through the day I realized the jeans I had on felt horrible They were my favourite 8 months ago. I figured it out though. They are simply the wrong shape.
Looking at these things and the mirror I had to sdmit that it was high time I told my supervisor as it was a bit obvious. Did that and She was totally supportive. Feeling brave (and uncomfortable in my clothe) I bought my first sports bra and female jeans. Not knowing the sizes i asked the women in the shop for some info and was asked 'what style does she like?' I assume refering to my wife. I was brave enough to say no... they are for me, and please explain bra sizes - I have no idea how they work.
She did. So I try on my jeans and perfect fit love how it looks. Drop some more belly fat and things will be great.. Sooo much more comfortable. No more male jeans or shorts for me. No more baggy clothes either. Life rocks. I love being me.
Awesome!!! You're positive outlook will carry you far in the amazing process to come! Enjoy every moment!!! 😀
Onward we go!!!
Ashley 😀❤️🌻
A lovely piece of acceptance and progress, thank you for sharing. Coming out at work and doing those first shops can be big steps, congratulations. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Fantastic, Kelly! So many steps forward in one day! It shows how courage springs from total self acceptance, and how people react to that positive energy. I'm in a similar place right now as I make a road trip through the heart of redneck America with zero boy clothes in the suitcase. I'm also having the time of my life. So, warm congratulations. You're on your way!
Steph
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 30, 2017, 10:36:55 PMDid that
...<snip>...
I was brave enough to say no...
...<snip>...
I love being me.
I love your understated courage! :D With your positive attitude, you are going to rock your transition. Allow me to add my congratulations!
I think the shop assistant was a little surprised. Way I figure it, what am I hiding from? If I can't accept being me in a place I want to be, then I need a bit more courage. Now today I'm going to go to the Doctors and begin the process of getting some real HRT. If I can get this far with herbals, food, and visualization then its exciting to see what happens with that.
The real challenge will be in three weeks when my wife and daughters return from a long 2 month holiday overseas as the changes have errr... accelerated beyond what I thought was possible. A few months ago they remarked on breast buds, this is so much more. I think its down to being chronically low on T for so long that my body will respond to phytoestrogens enthusiastically. That and the fact I was and am still a little overweight so the fat is there to redistribute - oh my it has. I have so much more energy now, but its calmer. I tend to think more and all the anger / frustration has left the building. Haven't physically seen extended family for more than a year either. This xmas will be interesting.
Its nice to wake up and see and feel yourself as you know you should have been. Been walking around pinching myself as it seems so much like an awesome dream, but its very real. I think the most interesting thing has been the change in physical strength. I go to pick something up and my body reminds me that it won't lift a fridge so easily anymore!
I do think I'll have to change my passport photo and gender though. I can't see me getting a plane with what it says. Fortunately in New Zealand its relatively easy without changing other documentation.
What an awesome read, I love your bravery and positive outlook! Hold on to that spring in your step for as long as you can, and keep on looking forward!
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 01, 2017, 09:40:09 AM
...all you've said here...
After I came out en-masse to my company (14,000 people potentially, a few hundred in reality) I received a lot of "congratulations", "you are so _______" (Brave, courageous ...) and my first reaction to reading your post here was "wow gutsy" but then I thought, no, after all, "NOBODY CARES"! Especially sales clerks (99% of the time) They just see a sale. And the really smart ones realize if I treat this client nicely, they will definitely be back.
SO, with that in mind, I would like to congratulate you on what I believe to be the perfect attitude that will make your transition easier.
Good luck with your wife and kids. Keep us up to date.
- Denise.
Thanks. That happens in three weeks. Talked to my sister yesterday. She wasn't surprised. People at my favouriye hobby airsoft are looking at me different as well. Even with all that military gear on, a guy I've known for a while hit on me. I told him he might get more than he expected :) Weight keeps coming off at 1kg a day and for the first time in a long time I have energy. Lots of it. Dyed my hair to get rid of the grey as well. I just wish it would grow longer. I've been called a girl with just long hair in past alone when I was slim. Naturally androgynous body type to begin with.
Doctors appointment for bloods and referral to a specialist so I can hrt scripts and not research everything I eat on Monday. That will get tiresome! Bras a pain, but necessary now. I really don't want to conceal anything! Also found some underwear that actually fit without being loose, or binding. You don't think about these things, but all my clothes are 2 sizes too big, and fit horribly now. Thing is, women generally aren't six foot, with a large skeleton so sizing gets... interesting. I'll need to stay somewhat 'heavy' for things to look right. Strangely my enough my feet have shrunk a size or two. Not sure how that is possible with changing hormone balances but it is. I think it might be the tendons as my foot arches a little more than it used to.
Stuggling a bit with the strength difference. We move around large tubs of water for water play at school, its very noticable. Still, its a package deal and worth it to feel fabulous.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 30, 2017, 10:36:55 PM
Got up and the world felt great. Got to work and it sll went well. Looking down at my shirt I thought hmmm... things are a bit obvious - maybe I need a bra. Then halfway through the day I realized the jeans I had on felt horrible They were my favourite 8 months ago. I figured it out though. They are simply the wrong shape.
Looking at these things and the mirror I had to sdmit that it was high time I told my supervisor as it was a bit obvious. Did that and She was totally supportive. Feeling brave (and uncomfortable in my clothe) I bought my first sports bra and female jeans. Not knowing the sizes i asked the women in the shop for some info and was asked 'what style does she like?' I assume refering to my wife. I was brave enough to say no... they are for me, and please explain bra sizes - I have no idea how they work.
She did. So I try on my jeans and perfect fit love how it looks. Drop some more belly fat and things will be great.. Sooo much more comfortable. No more male jeans or shorts for me. No more baggy clothes either. Life rocks. I love being me.
Good News, good you did that. I support you.
Well its an even better day. Talked to the GP. GP says he has issues with providing hrt as long the initial blood screen is good, and the family knows. Off I go to the lab tomorrow. Will save the the talk till after christmas. New year, new start. :) Hopefully with family on board, however its a bit late now so on we go. GP was amazed at how much I acheived simply with a targeted diet and naturally low T. Heialth was A ok, blood pressure and heart rate good. I knew my body was telling me something. People keep telling me how fit and healthy I look.
Wow. Went to the supermarket and forgot a bag at the self checkout. Wearing skinny jeans and a relatively boring top for work that is somewhat concealing. Walking towards home somewhat down in the dumps and hear "excuse me ma'am." Not being used to such a thing I keep walking. Hear it again and a store assistant gives me my bag. I thank her.
Walking home I thinking did I just pass? Wow. Must be working.
Bask in the glow sister!!!!! 😀
Another few achievements. Everyone at work is accepting now so I can be happy there and not worry about too much. Bloods came out great everything normal with slightly high cholesterol and protein levels (protein is diet related), I'll be able to go on HRT when I want to, got an appointment for next week to give the doc the green light. Went down another 2kg this week and went down another size (18-16).
I was shopping today and was waiting in line and a women turns around we chat for 3-4 minutes. She never realizes once. Had to concentrate super hard are not letting the voice give it away who though. Found a co-worker who is willing to help me with info I don't have (err... lots of it). Its all very well seeing and feeling changes, but as they get bigger so does the sense that you are diving into the deep end with lead weights on!
Still have the absolute conviction that what I am doing is right and necessary, but a few thoughts sneak in about the storm about to hit this xmas and the hurt it will cause to my wife and family. Life is still awesome, gets better everyday, but some dark clouds wait just around the corner... hope we all come out the other side ok.
Well, today I put on summer weight clothes, and meet a friend at the mall. I was feeling horribly self doubting (I never feel self doubt - that must stop!) but She helped me to get a bra measurement - 18 c/d which isn't too bad. Sadly there is no such bra with straps that are long enough that don't have cups that are too big so crop tops and sports bras will have to do until we get some more growing happening - which I can feel in the back ground so we'll see. Looking at my shadow I don't recognize it today and as I walked in public no one really paid any attention things are getting a bit more comfortable.
Asked the lady at the makeup counter for some foundation that was the right colour (expensive!) and that helps with the beard that would need shaving twice a day to be invisible otherwise. Feeling braver. That must be good.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 08, 2017, 04:36:06 PM
Well, today I put on summer weight clothes, and meet a friend at the mall. I was feeling horribly self doubting (I never feel self doubt - that must stop!) but She helped me to get a bra measurement - 18 c/d which isn't too bad. Sadly there is no such bra with straps that are long enough that don't have cups that are too big so crop tops and sports bras will have to do until we get some more growing happening - which I can feel in the back ground so we'll see. Looking at my shadow I don't recognize it today and as I walked in public no one really paid any attention things are getting a bit more comfortable.
Asked the lady at the makeup counter for some foundation that was the right colour (expensive!) and that helps with the beard that would need shaving twice a day to be invisible otherwise. Feeling braver. That must be good.
That is good indeed my friend!!! A brave and bold spirit, ready to meet the challenges ahead while enjoying the many unexpected discoveries will take you far on this road... enjoy each day as you make your life finally, your own...
Hugs
A 😀❤️
Today was interesting. really noticed a lack of stamina. Had to go home halfway through my favorite hobby because I had nothing left. I felt fitter and lighter (because I am) but the stamina doesn't seem to be there as much as it used to be. Today however is not important. Tomorrow is risk burning all bridges and tell my wife day. I must because if I don't I can't go forward and not doing this will literally drive me crazy. Its like a genie that won't go back into the bottle.
Tomorrow I must tell her what is happening, what is likely to happen, explain I love her and the kids and want to support them as usual, and ask her to come home on time on condition she can leave if and when She feels She needs to. Is it fair on Women who has moved continents to be with me here? No. I know there is a very large risk She simply doesn't get on the plane home and I don't see her or the kids again for a very long time. We end up divorced and have to sell the family home we spent a long time finding. A risk worth taking I think because She must know in an environment were She can seek her family and friends for support and guidance. Its the only fair and ethical thing to do.
Also I can't do this by myself. I can't seem to bring focus to my thoughts as clearly as I used to be able to. Justifications that seemed so clear take on different shades, and emotions have become stronger and more insistent. I arranged counseling etc but this is less a change than a paradigm shift into a dimension I know little about.
I hate rocks and hard places. However, today is STILL a good day, and I have faith that tomorrow will be an even better one.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 09, 2017, 08:07:58 PM
Today was interesting. really noticed a lack of stamina. Had to go home halfway through my favorite hobby because I had nothing left. I felt fitter and lighter (because I am) but the stamina doesn't seem to be there as much as it used to be. Today however is not important. Tomorrow is risk burning all bridges and tell my wife day. I must because if I don't I can't go forward and not doing this will literally drive me crazy. Its like a genie that won't go back into the bottle.
Tomorrow I must tell her what is happening, what is likely to happen, explain I love her and the kids and want to support them as usual, and ask her to come home on time on condition she can leave if and when She feels She needs to. Is it fair on Women who has moved continents to be with me here? No. I know there is a very large risk She simply doesn't get on the plane home and I don't see her or the kids again for a very long time. We end up divorced and have to sell the family home we spent a long time finding. A risk worth taking I think because She must know in an environment were She can seek her family and friends for support and guidance. Its the only fair and ethical thing to do.
Also I can't do this by myself. I can't seem to bring focus to my thoughts as clearly as I used to be able to. Justifications that seemed so clear take on different shades, and emotions have become stronger and more insistent. I arranged counseling etc but this is less a change than a paradigm shift into a dimension I know little about.
I hate rocks and hard places. However, today is STILL a good day, and I have faith that tomorrow will be an even better one.
Hey Sister...
I will be holding good thoughts in my heart for your talk with your wife going well... As I have noted before... Your approach and attitude are clear headed and decisive...you will reach the promised land... The proper attitude and perspective in this journey will carry you far and allow you to bypass many of the quagmires that can slow many down along their journey...
A time of great change is at hand... The way you relate to those closest to you and the world around you will change but you will navigate the changes ... Relationships will adapt... You will adapt... In the end.. You will be standing on the foundation of a life that is your own and you can build anything you want upon that foundation.... Your life will become one of possibilities never available before...
Know that you have support here on the hard days and sisters to help you celebrate the days of great victories!!!
I hear you on the stamina stuff... When I was losing muscle in my first year of HRT, I could definitely feel the lose of muscle ...both at my work as well as out in the ocean surfing...my favorite hobby!
All will be well though and we adapt quickly to our new physical realities!
Wishing you all good things in the days to come and please don't hesitate to PM me if I can ever be of help along the way...
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley 😀❤️🌻
Quote from: tgirlamc on December 09, 2017, 10:00:01 PM
Hey Sister...
I will be holding good thoughts in my heart for your talk with your wife going well... As I have noted before... Your approach and attitude are clear headed and decisive...you will reach the promised land... The proper attitude and perspective in this journey will carry you far and allow you to bypass many of the quagmires that can slow many down along their journey...
A time of great change is at hand... The way you relate to those closest to you and the world around you will change but you will navigate the changes ... Relationships will adapt... You will adapt... In the end.. You will be standing on the foundation of a life that is your own and you can build anything you want upon that foundation.... Your life will become one of possibilities never available before...
Know that you have support here on the hard days and sisters to help you celebrate the days of great victories!!!
I hear you on the stamina stuff... When I was losing muscle in my first year of HRT, I could definitely feel the lose of muscle ...both at my work as well as out in the ocean surfing...my favorite hobby!
All will be well though and we adapt quickly to our new physical realities!
Wishing you all good things in the days to come and please don't hesitate to PM me if I can ever be of help along the way...
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley 😀❤️🌻
Thanks for the words of support. Fear and doubt and something I have little experience with. They were kept in a little box with a 'do not open' along with all those other pesky things called emotions. Truly feeling things is a little, off putting!
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 09, 2017, 10:25:19 PM
Thanks for the words of support. Fear and doubt and something I have little experience with. They were kept in a little box with a 'do not open' along with all those other pesky things called emotions. Truly feeling things is a little, off putting!
Feeling that stuff is the very stuff of life!... To me, it is what living life really feels like...It is a bit of a rollercoaster but the reason people ride rollercoasters is to feel really alive!!!
Keep doing what you're doing and... you'll get where you're going!
A😀❤️🌻
Hi K,
I hadn't read your thread before today and I'm sorry that I hadn't. I found the read a good one. Your wins thus far are to be commended as you have done a lot in a short time and done it well. I too will wish you good luck for the morrow. It is liable to be difficult for both you and your wife and you both will need to have a good deal of compassion for one another. I hope to hear that all has gone well.
I am glad you have found our site and know that you have support here whenever you need it. We are here for you and your wife should she like to avail herself of our "Significant Others" forum.
Good Luck, K
Hugs,
Laurie
Wow Kelly! This is absolutely inspiring!! As someone pre-HRT starting soon I wish I had that much confidence so early in transition. The thought of things changing especially in the hips (fat-wise) is so exciting!
Get it girl! :-*
Quote from: Clairetheanalytical on December 09, 2017, 11:04:53 PM
Wow Kelly! This is absolutely inspiring!! As someone pre-HRT starting soon I wish I had that much confidence so early in transition. The thought of things changing especially in the hips (fat-wise) is so exciting!
Get it girl! :-*
k
I cheated a bit. modified my diet heavily and meditated on it with all my soul. I've known that tactic to work for other aspects of my life and it certainly seems to work for me. What I didn't expect was the... enthusiastic response from my body. Bodes well for real HRT starting on Tuesday. I don't recommend doing what I've been doing and experimenting with your bodies balances. Bloods came out as good, but the Doctor was a bit cross...
Wow ok. Today goes beyond awesome to truly awesome. I told her, I said I understood if She never came back. She said no, I support you, but we have to be careful with the kids. We have 4-6 months before changes really become obvious. She also said She is happy to live in the same house as friends, and didn't seem phased by staying married.
This day my life begins again and I no longer have to hide from my true self.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 10, 2017, 01:34:42 AM
Wow ok. Today goes beyond awesome to truly awesome. I told her, I said I understood if She never came back. She said no, I support you, but we have to be careful with the kids. We have 4-6 months before changes really become obvious. She also said She is happy to live in the same house as friends, and didn't seem phased by staying married.
This day my life begins again and I no longer have to hide from my true self.
This is wonderful news to read, I'm very happy for both of you. There will be bumps on the way, be patient and honest with each other and you'll have a good chance.
I'm rooting for 'ya! X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 10, 2017, 01:34:42 AM
This day my life begins again and I no longer have to hide from my true self.
Wow is right, Kelly! What a wonderful thing to wake up to. I'm leaking on my pillow.
I'm so happy for you!
Stephanie
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 10, 2017, 01:34:42 AM
Wow ok. Today goes beyond awesome to truly awesome. I told her, I said I understood if She never came back. She said no, I support you, but we have to be careful with the kids. We have 4-6 months before changes really become obvious. She also said She is happy to live in the same house as friends, and didn't seem phased by staying married.
This day my life begins again and I no longer have to hide from my true self.
Wow, congratulations!! You did it!
I know first-hand the incredible relief of hearing those words, "I support you". Not only have you survived one of the more traumatic parts of transition, but you now have an ally by your side you can help you.
I am so happy for you!
Thank you. Without the information here at Susan's and everyone's support there is no way I'd have had the courage to do that. I also managed it in Korean over the phone, which is a language I'm pretty good in,, but for this particular conversation I didn't think a lack of precision was a good idea. Found it really and hard to sleep and it all seems like a dream. I know we'll have some issues to face in the future and I'm pretty sure her parents are going to die of shock, fortunately we are 9000 miles away from them and they seldom visit.
There will be a new set of expectations and agreements to be made. 2018 will be our year and I can't wait for it.
Congrats My Friend!!!!.... What a great post to start my day!!!
Hugs!
A 😀💗🌻
Good news , Good news indeed. One hurdle overcome and now you can face the others that will surely come together. Love and joy come to you...
Hugs,
Laurie
Further long and in depth conversations have occurred. To help the Children She has asked that while She understands, and won't stand in the way of transition, They must see it as a 'problem' that is unlikely to be solved. This buys time in the short term, but I wonder is it the right way to approach it? Something in me bristles against this, however I think to keep my ally on this path I may have to accept her request.
The voice of reason says slow and steady, don't burn your bridges - the voice of the man who has been patient and worked hard to get where I am today. However, more and more I sense an urge to go on ahead and damn the consequences in terms of dress etc. So now instead of warring voices I have this impatient 11 year old inside me who wants to know why not right now! A far less draining conflict, but a conflict never the less. Its a deIaying action at best. I hope I can delay long enough to allow them time to adjust.
I sense this is going to be one heck of a journey and this is only the beginning.
Possibly shortly after you start therapy, the children should be told. We have seen on the site the younger the children are when they are told, the more accepting they are. As long as your children know they are loved and things aren't going to change, they will accept you with little difficulty. Keep it simple but answer any questions they might have.
Quote from: Dena on December 10, 2017, 10:56:11 PM
Possibly shortly after you start therapy, the children should be told. We have seen on the site the younger the children are when they are told, the more accepting they are. As long as your children know they are loved and things aren't going to change, they will accept you with little difficulty. Keep it simple but answer any questions they might have.
The next step must be therapy. I've made an appointment with our school physiologist, and suggested She join me so we can nut out an action plan that meets everyone's needs and concerns. Its a very fragile peace we have created, and I suspect if nutured will lead to full trust and understanding. If rushed, disaster awaits. Still, Rome wasn't built in a day and this relationships foundations are being rocked. Its going to take time, a lot of dialogue, and compromise on both sides if a successful equilibrium to is be gained.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 10, 2017, 11:09:08 PM
The next step must be therapy. I've made an appointment with our school physiologist, and suggested She join me so we can nut out an action plan that meets everyone's needs and concerns. Its a very fragile peace we have created, and I suspect if nutured will lead to full trust and understanding. If rushed, disaster awaits. Still, Rome wasn't built in a day and this relationships foundations are being rocked. Its going to take time, a lot of dialogue, and compromise on both sides if a successful equilibrium to is be gained.
K
When you hit those hard rocky places that are surely going to arise, come back here and read what you just posted. Better yet copy it, print it out and keep it where you can see it as a reminder. You wrote the words and they will help you remember patience and understanding.
Hugs,
Laurie
Thanks for the support. I have to say that today is... momentous. I got my first HRT prescription of estradiol (low dose but they want to see what happens after xmas on liver function etc) and spironolactone. I was also told I have the blood pressure of an 18 year old. Not bad at 43. :) They will review dosage etc when tests show no issues.
In addition, I had to wait in a very full room for an hour as the doctor was busy with full summer weight (its summer here) female clothes on and no one cared or looked the slightest bit sideways at me. A good confidence booster. One Women even engaged me in conversation and didn't seem to notice a thing. Yay! I also got to look at my nicely manicured feet from the foot spa with pink nails while I waited.
So hopefully the dosage will keep my mind clear and happy - and I might actually be able to eat normal food. I'm getting really sick of carefully created and researched recipes! We'll see what happens in the new year.
Wow. That stuff is potent. What a rus. The T blocker made me feel a bit odd at first, but estradiol goes right to your head very quickly. Also this anti androgen really makes you thirsty and kills the appetite. Good for losing weight I suppose.
Glad to hear everything's working out! I had a good time reading all of this. In so many cases I see trans women's wives leaving them when they start transitioning, and it breaks my heart to think about it. I hope you two find peace with each other, and continue to hold a strong bond with yourselves, and your children. Best of wishes to you! I envy what you have. I'm still young though, age 29, so there's plenty of time to find a suitable partner. Keep on keeping on! 💝
Quote from: xAmyX on December 12, 2017, 08:17:04 PM
Glad to hear everything's working out! I had a good time reading all of this. In so many cases I see trans women's wives leaving them when they start transitioning, and it breaks my heart to think about it. I hope you two find peace with each other, and continue to hold a strong bond with yourselves, and your children. Best of wishes to you! I envy what you have. I'm still young though, age 29, so there's plenty of time to find a suitable partner. Keep on keeping on! 💝
Thank you for the support. I think all will work out well. Felt pretty crappy today as the spironolactone is kicking in and and my body is missing its dose of (low but present) T. I hope that phase passes soon because its not very pleasant.
As for a partner? I found the right one when I gave up looking. I think the world has the right person out there, its just a matter of being patient. Kids are a blessing as they keep us young, and remind us the importance of having people there who love and need you. I wouldn't have transitioned before kids, but I made a promise to myself that after 40 there would be no more! They are hard work.
A lot of people tell me that. They say my problem is I'm looking, so I've made it official to myself that I would focus on myself, love myself, and no longer feel as though I require someone's companionship to be happy. That I'd really find happiness by engaging in more activities, and doing things that I wouldn't do otherwise. My only dilemma is that I'll end up loving myself so much, there won't be room for another. I'll definitely be a lot more protective of myself, that's for sure. I won't date just anyone. My standards are going to be a lot higher. If I'm destined to a life of being alone, then so be it, because I'll never be alone. I've always got myself. To love, to hold, to cherish, and I don't need no one.
Quote from: xAmyX on December 12, 2017, 11:44:18 PM
A lot of people tell me that. They say my problem is I'm looking, so I've made it official to myself that I would focus on myself, love myself, and no longer feel as though I require someone's companionship to be happy. That I'd really find happiness by engaging in more activities, and doing things that I wouldn't do otherwise. My only dilemma is that I'll end up loving myself so much, there won't be room for another. I'll definitely be a lot more protective of myself, that's for sure. I won't date just anyone. My standards are going to be a lot higher. If I'm destined to a life of being alone, then so be it, because I'll never be alone. I've always got myself. To love, to hold, to cherish, and I don't need no one.
Hold onto the certainty that what you want will come true. Someone will come along, at the right time and nothing will need to be forced. Life is a wonderful, unpredictable journey that throws in twists and turns that are surprising no matter how much we think we know what will happen. I think if you look at it that way, the perfect partner could be just around the next bend. :)
Interesting. Yesterday I was playing with a basketball while supervising morning tea. Usually I'm pretty clumsy with throwing and catching, but one handed I simply couldn't not catch it. Despite my mostly blind eye on side (Which has been the bane of my existence for a lot of things) my spatial awareness seems to have improved.
I've also found myself driven to seek out other people's company. Before I would have been happy to sit and do my own thing. Now I feel almost compelled to join a group when there is an interesting discussion going on. This too is a good thing as people often called me stand offish and dour at times.
Presently I feel... odd. When it comes to getting something important done I go into male mode and drive for the goal (with a bit more patience and more easily distracted). But when its done my mindset quickly shifts - I'm hardly ever impatient anymore and if there is any irritation or anger it doesn't last very long. My need for hobbies seems to be shifting. The old hobbies would be an all consuming passion. Now they are good if I can get them, or if not its ok.
I'm actually quite happy just walking quietly listening to nature and watching people interact.
I'm learning a whole gamete of new skills from necessity. Asking for help (a flaw my wife often points out) was never my strong suit - I do it more now. I've had to learn a bit about makeup and its actually quite fun. I find myself being more engaged with others and notice and express emotions more often. Little details on personal appearance and tidying up I never would have bothered with now annoy me so much I have to deal with them as well.
This was definitely what I needed to do. I don't feel regret about the timing either. Roll on tomorrow for the next new and interesting surprise.
Well today at work I faced a few aggressive situations. Usually I'd get angry in return, but today it was easy to just brush it off and deal with the situation in a smart way. I'm also getting less self conscious of physical changes and even wore some foundation to work to hide my annoying permanent five o'clock shadow. Think I may get through the day without my beard being visible. Yay! The dude at the garage was interesting "Do you want anything else Ma'... Sir?" You could see he was working hard to figure out what was more appropriate. Silly beard hair starting to show tipped him off I think. Things are getting a bit easier. :)
Yesterday was interesting. Had a chat with some of the managers at work finally. They were supportive, but worried about things might affect the way people see me a professional capacity. I replied that the next 6-8 months will bring some challenges as being gender ambiguous confuses people. I also said that for the time being it would be easy enough to dress male enough to redirect most peoples thoughts. The conflict comes in that I really don't want to, however sensible people make ripples not instant tidal waves.
On a more fun note a female came and offered me some highly fattening food yesterday. She has been supportive the whole way along. I asked her if she was trying to sabotage my diet and she said yes, you look better in jeans than I do and that's not fair! Breasts keep getting bigger which is good for me but it makes some interesting looks from people when I'm dressed for work. Trusted friends report that I look curvier though looking at the mirror I can't really tell. I do know that Women's clothing fits rather nicely now. :)
Weight loss is going well. Finally hit 247 pounds from 264 at the start The initial target is 195. I'll need an iron will over xmas to keep the momentum. I've been restricting portion sizes, and avoiding all carbs and sugar for the last 8 weeks now. Massive difference in the way I feel. I think that will become the new normal for me. Need to add more salt as spiro sucks it out of me.
I've been thinking about hairstyles lately. What I really want to do is grow it long. Pretty sure once it gets long enough - which would take 6 months or so the game is up in terms of being gender ambiguous - just that alone when I'm thin
had people calling me a girl. That will mean there is going to be an interesting conversation at work and home halfway through next year.
Today was an eye opener. I decided that I'd simply put on Jeans ans and a t shirt and go shopping. Well... unless they are super baggy (not my style at all!) Male jeans don't fit. Ok, one size larger female jeans. Don't look too bad except my legs and ass are just about there so there is no hiding now. T shirt all good, breasts not easily hide able, and curves emphasized, but not too much. Oh well I care not I go anyway. Yeah, looking male without wearing baggy clothes is going to be an issue.
Not really passable as female either. Suppose with a really good wig and makeup I'd do it, but my hair is short still and needs to grow longer before I can style it. Also breasts really aren't quite big enough to look right yet. Many people see what they want to see, but when you start interacting in stores etc you can see people don't know what to think.
Going to have to ask the Doctor to up the really low does of e he has prescribed after xmas and the next round of bloods because this in the middle stuff sucks. Public gendered bathrooms are going to be interesting for the next few months I suspect. Hopefully it passes soon.
On the plus side I went to the op shop and found a dress that I thought might fit. Mixed it up with some other stuff but the clerk saw right through it. "Dress is for you then?" I looked her right in the eye and said yes and we had an interesting conversation about the anti aging propeties of hrt. She was surprised that I was 43 and pegged my age as early 30's at the most. Dress didn't fit. I overestimated the size, but for $5 its worth the experience anyway.
Always hated ublic bathrooms so I got in the habit of never using them - got through highschool having never seen the inside of the bathroom there.
Recently got told by a guy that he was strait but thought I was sexy.
Public bathrooms most definitely off the list of options.
At this point i have lengendary bladder control so it's never a problem but before they were uncomfortable. Well so much so that i flat out didn't use them despite the discomfort so I feel your pain on that one.
Congrats on a good store experience! As much as I like to believe that the majority of retail people are saints who really just want you happy and out the door I know that isn't always the case.
Your posts are always sort of grounding for me they give me something to think about and I enjoy them keep it up!
Quote from: Cenna on December 16, 2017, 04:52:05 AM
Always hated ublic bathrooms so I got in the habit of never using them - got through highschool having never seen the inside of the bathroom there.
Recently got told by a guy that he was strait but thought I was sexy.
Public bathrooms most definitely off the list of options.
At this point i have lengendary bladder control so it's never a problem but before they were uncomfortable. Well so much so that i flat out didn't use them despite the discomfort so I feel your pain on that one.
Congrats on a good store experience! As much as I like to believe that the majority of retail people are saints who really just want you happy and out the door I know that isn't always the case.
Your posts are always sort of grounding for me they give me something to think about and I enjoy them keep it up!
Thanks. The purpose is to externalize and record whats going on. I need to stay grounded and remind that raging teen inside me who is growing stronger that her turn will come, just not yet! I have a relationship and job to keep intact along with some very suspicious neighbors who won't even talk to me any more. Not that I care. :P The battle as such is over and in probably less than six months I'll have no choice other than to present female all the time. Just need to give my kids a chance to process first,
The first 2 times were the hardest. Now I can go in public bathrooms without any fear. If someone starts anything with me, I'll tell them what to do and let me pee!
That would do the trick. If they put their hands on me, I'm having a police report filed.
My state still has trans protective laws.
"Discrimination, harassment, and bullying have no place in our classrooms or at our schools. Despite the actions taken by the federal government yesterday, the State of Connecticut remains committed to ensuring that every student has access to a high-quality education in a safe, supportive and welcoming school environment," Governor Malloy said. "Every child, no matter their gender identity or expression, should be treated equally and fairly in a safe, supportive environment. Connecticut will remain a state of inclusiveness because we strongly believe that diversity makes us stronger."
"Connecticut will proudly continue to protect civil liberties and the rights of transgender residents," Lt. Governor Nancy Wyman said. "President Trump is wrong to open the door to discrimination. His action only serves to destabilize our schools and our communities, causing anxiety among vulnerable youth and emboldening those looking for an excuse to victimize others. Governor Malloy's executive order reinforces Connecticut's absolute commitment to equal protection."
I'd like to see them try and stop me! There'd be heavens to pay.
Interesting day. I explored the power of the five o'clock shadow and loose clothing to distract people from curves and breasts. Met a parent of my eldest's friends. She didn't blink or notice anything despite a T shirt that was a tad clingy in places. A very different experience from yesterday with more form fitting clothes and a concealed five 'o clock shadow. I think I may actually be able to pull off another 3-4 months before things get out of hand. This is good. It will give my family time to adjust. Then I got home and did exactly the opposite. Hide the beard, put on Womens sport clothing play around with make up. While not entirely passable as a Women (mostly due to my inept use of said makeup!), a very large difference indeed. I most certainly wouldn't pass as male with all that on.
I have a plan now to keep work and family happy for a while. Loose fitting male clothing, and a close shave but no concealing. Going to let my hair continue to get longer but contain it while at work. Swimming will be an entirely different matter but I only need to keep a couple of conservative people happy at work. Most don't care. Not sure how long I can tolerate it, but hey keeping the job and not having the family run away are quite important.
On we go!
Went to the laser hair removal clinic today to discuss prices etc. They are not too bad, but somewhat steep in that it will definitely cause an issue with the wife. However, given the progress of HRT unless I want to wear makeup all the time, or become the bearded lady it will soon have to be a priority.
Yesterday when filling out forms for the laser place the box that said gender confounded me a little. It didn't feel right to put male there, but as female as I feel inside the body needs to catch up. So I wrote transgender mtf instead - somehow that felt right for the time being. A small step yes, but a step in the right direction.
I went to my girl's school to pick up their stuff and my eldest's teacher didn't recognize me for a moment. Still being gendered as male, but its a hard look first.Sadly on this day I had to be Christine's Dad. There in lies a dilemma. To support my kids acceptance of my ongoing transition process I must present as male for a while. To create issues with her friends etc at this point would be foolish. This causes no end of issues in my mind - because I simply don't want to, however I know I must if I am to keep my family.
I'll be pleased when my body moves past ambiguous because then the option of presenting male will be gone and the last of the dysphoria will be gone as well. Bring on the day.
This morning I went for a walk in the local park and met up with another transgender person who had transitioned ftm around a decade ago. We had a good chat about the experience and anxiety. One look and he of course knew, I thought I had be so clever in dressing to minimize today as I don't have the emotional energy to deal with people staring atm, but I guess its not so easy.
It felt good to talk about the last 3 months face to face with someone who really knows how I feel. Today I feel that my decision and the process I have followed was absolutely the right one and that I will, given time reach the goal and be able to live in the open as the person I know I am.
Uncertainty weighs on what my reception will be when I greet my family at the airport on Thursday, but I have to have faith that all will fall into place as I hope it will. On the plus side I got down under 110kg today for the first time in a long time!
Today is a great day. Tomorrow will be even better.
It's not that bad! If you change the mentality from "blending in" to "embracing who you are", being seen as trans is a blessing. I personally love people looking at me and being filled with wonder. Especially when they hear my deep androgynous voice! When they realize who I am, the smile on their faces makes me smile. ;D Yeah! Want a piece of this hotness?! :-*
I'm extremely open-minded! Am attracted to virtually any gender/race.
That's what I usually do. Today I didn't have the energy for it. To be honest, its easier just letting them wonder. :P Tomorrow? No Dad visiting, no kids at work who cares what people think I'll just be me. Guess the approaching reunion with wife and kids after so long is weighing on my mind.
That being said my inner rebellious teen wouldn't let me go out without at least open shoes to show off my bright pink toe nails and a t shirt that didn't do much to hide my breasts. :)
"The more clearly we can focus our attention on the wonders and realities of the universe about us, the less taste we shall have for destruction."
― Rachel Carson
"Remember to delight yourself first, then others can be truly delighted."
― S.A.R.K.
Well today was the opposite of yesterday. I felt empowered this morning to not care what people think. I dressed as I felt and went to work to get some paperwork out of the way then did a bit of shopping for eye makeup - I have no idea how to use it, but I want to learn how. As I was walking through a crowded discount clearance store (it is xmas and I need money for the kids and wife) I noticed that there are many men who look a bit like women, many women who look a bit like men, and many people who at a distance you really couldn't gender easily. That made me feel confident that even if I feel I look a bit out of place no one else does. That is exactly what happened. As soon as I thought that I felt more at ease and anxiety went away, even when browsing the makeup section. :)
I shall put my fears to rest and be proud to me. If anyone doesn't like me thats too bad. I've never cared before, why should I care now?
Also thought I'd add a profile picture, it isn't the greatest but I have nothing to hide. Still think there is along way to go but its a bit of an improvement as compared to four months ago.
Lead balloons would have done better than the reception that greeted me after our return from the airport. Wife while ok with things when discussed over the phone can't handle the undeniable physical reality. Says I should 'fix' myself and be male, something I cannot do. The kids were ok, I think given time they will adapt. Called the marriage a 'fake' and that somehow I lied to her 12 years ago. Something I most definitely did not do.
I fear things will not go well from this pass....
Hey hun, sorry for the tough times. I was given very similar message by my Ex. It's not a criticism, but Cis people often can't comprehend the situation where we've either denied or never understood the problem until this point.
Sadly we can't 'fix' ourselves, or for those in real need, a transition is the fix.
Have a ((hug)). X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Quote from: Megan. on December 21, 2017, 08:29:27 AM
Hey hun, sorry for the tough times. I was given very similar message by my Ex. It's not a criticism, but Cis people often can't comprehend the situation where we've either denied or never understood the problem until this point.
Sadly we can't 'fix' ourselves, or for those in real need, a transition is the fix.
Have a ((hug)). X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
It seems there are more hard choices in the near future. I know I won't be able to comply with the restrictions She is bound to hang on any acceptance. Nor am I willing to accept the emotional abuse She will attempt to lay on me (a recurring them over the years). It may be time to do something we have considered for a while and go our separate ways, living close enough that the kids still get to see both of us. I don't see many other options that will work for everyone's mutual well being.
I'm sad to say that this is what happened to me, but we both tried hard to make it work, and still care alot for each other. I live a 15 minute drive from my Ex and kids, I support them as best I can.
I wish you both happiness, regardless of the outcome. X
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I've seen a lot of these cases. The best thing you can do is be nearby so that you can be there for your children! Remain friendly with the mom of course, as to avoid any unnecessary complications. It's very unfortunate that people can't accept their loved ones for whom they are, but whom they believe they should be. We don't decide other peoples realities. That decision is on the beholder, not the viewer.
Be supportive, continue to be who you are, and reach that goal you crave and desire so much of being your true, authentic self! Heck, there may come a day she looks at you, sees your overwhelming joy & happiness, and may be filled with thoughts of regret. You can always be her friend, so long as she doesn't continue to criticize you even as a friend. In which case I would probably stop even that level of communication and solely focus on being there for the kids.
The last thing you want is to be hundreds of miles away, in agony towards thoughts of your children feeling abandoned, or forgetting whom their other parent is. That's not a good place to be. Especially when you love them, and they love you.
I can't say I know for certain what it feels like to go through that with your own biological kids. I did go through something similar. My ex girlfriend had a kid when she broke up with the baby's daddy. We fell in love with each other at that time. I've been through everything with that baby for over 2 years. I raised her, fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers, took her out to places, walked around and watched her smile as she pointed at the bumble bees, and even when she was little would take her out for walks in her stroller all over the beautiful landscapes and had what I considered to be some of the most peaceful days of my life.
My ex girlfriend would always complain about how feminine I am, and that she wasn't attracted to feminine qualities in a man, and that she wanted a "man". She'd constantly mention it to me, her family, and her friends. It was a bit bothersome yes, but I didn't let it affect my judgement. I still continued to be the best parent I could be for the child that wasn't mine, yet I saw her as my child regardless. I even told other people yes when they asked if she was my daughter.
2 years later, she broke up with me, and I had to move back to my home states away. All I could think about was the daughter, and how hurt she must feel losing someone that was a huge part of her life. I even told my family many times that I missed the baby far more than the mom. I was right. Even years later when I talked to her mom over the phone, her daughter knew it was me, and started crying her eyes out, saying she missed me so much. That was traumatizing to not just me, but the daughter as well.
Please don't put you and your kids through that.
It took me years to get over that, and move on.
The interesting thing is not just her, but all of her cousins that I used to babysit remember me to this day (nine years later) as well, and reach out to me on social media from time to time to see how I'm doing. I'm always here if they need someone to talk to. They think it's wonderful that I've come out, began transitioning, and support me 100%.
I went downstairs and my niece thought I was a zombie, because I was walking funny. I started walking towards her like a zombie, and she was smiling like crazy. Then she was like Ame! Come look at this! Then grabbed her Peppa Pig stamp kit, and placed the characters in the ink, and stamped them on paper. I was like so cool! She also made Peppa Pig out of Play-Doh. XD Kids instinctively love me. Probably because I can communicate with them at their level, and be imaginative.
Talk about swings and roundabouts. This morning we talking divorce, then we went shopping and spent three hours looking at clothes etc, got her some nice perfume for xmas. The crisis seems to be past, but I predict there are many more to come...
That's good! Keep on communicating with each other, and find a way to reason. We must remember to respect others in a way that doesn't remove respect of ourselves, and I think you're onto it! ;D
Hi k,
This time is so hard on both parties and can be for the kids depending on how things go between you and your wife. I have to agree with Amy in that communication is going to be the key to getting through this difficult time. You both are likely to be highly emotional and that oft times leads to more problems though being empathetic to each other's emotions can be just what the situation calls for.
Keep those good options open and the lines of communicate flowing.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on December 22, 2017, 01:34:53 PM
Hi k,
This time is so hard on both parties and can be for the kids depending on how things go between you and your wife. I have to agree with Amy in that communication is going to be the key to getting through this difficult time. You both are likely to be highly emotional and that oft times leads to more problems though being empathetic to each other's emotions can be just what the situation calls for.
Keep those good options open and the lines of communicate flowing.
Hugs,
Laurie
A good day. More open communication lines and a nice walk with just the two of us. We now agree on eating / exercising patterns and She is more open to me wearing comfortable clothes at home. Still insists on male clothes in the community but I suspect with more time this will also change.
Today we are definately making progress.
One of the greatest keys to success is keeping your eyes on your goals, and make them happen! Absolute control baby! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Put on them girl clothes, and walk around with pride! She may fall in greater love from that surge of confidence! Of course, don't be mean about it! Be happy. Be you. Be the person you're meant to be. Then everything else comes free. With your weewee, in them panties! Oh baby, look at how she watches you flee across that grass, soon enough, her resentment will no longer last, as it becomes a blast to the past, by that surge of confidence shaking your @$$. ;D ::) :-*
Christmas went pretty well. Less traumatic in terms of traveling than the last few. One thing I do notice is that
the people closest to you are the least likely to notice or mention anything. Not that I made it obvious or anything as I wanted a nice quiet happy xmas and thats pretty much what we got.
Here's hoping the new year goes as smoothly. By some miracle I managed to keep losing weight over xmas so the goal of 95kg by March is well in view. :) Get rid of the stuff around the middle and I'll be much happier.
That's good. I've yet to have a single person be mean to me for being trans. One of the benefits of being in an area that is very LGBTQ+ protective. Everyone has been good to me since I've come out. I've had people be mean to me for other reasons, like being smart. :o Thus is the encumbrance of the cerebral ignition through external envious entities whom pride on being selectively ignorant against all odds of cognitive ascension.
Quote from: xAmyX on December 28, 2017, 08:38:18 PM
One of the greatest keys to success is keeping your eyes on your goals, and make them happen! Absolute control baby! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Put on them girl clothes, and walk around with pride! She may fall in greater love from that surge of confidence! Of course, don't be mean about it! Be happy. Be you. Be the person you're meant to be. Then everything else comes free. With your weewee, in them panties! Oh baby, look at how she watches you flee across that grass, soon enough, her resentment will no longer last, as it becomes a blast to the past, by that surge of confidence shaking your @$$. ;D ::) :-*
Lol that's so funny! Reminds me (only slightly) of when my father had yelled at the entire time in the car going home and then my sister joined in. They knew I was moving out. While they were still going on with their nonsense I was in my room with the door open (can see inside room from living room) with my radio playing music while I was dancing and packing my clothes lol
I know it was silly but it helped me not lash out even more at them and I was doing what I needed to do at the same time!
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Quote from: xAmyX on December 29, 2017, 03:49:05 AMThus is the encumbrance of the cerebral ignition through external envious entities whom pride on being selectively ignorant against all odds of cognitive ascension.
Never use a big words when a diminutive selection would suffice. [emoji16]
- Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 29, 2017, 05:52:40 AM
Never use a big words when a diminutive selection would suffice. [emoji16]
- Stephanie
Word.
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Lol. Big words are my stock and trade when it comes to keeping supervisors happy, and writing professional diaries (yuck!) . Bit different when teaching however.
I don't think mean is the word at the moment. Most people are supportive, but my family is getting a bit... sharp in their manner of communicating, and there is an undercurrent of tension. This of course is natural in that before you get acceptance you have a storming phase where people try and establish boundaries to make them comfortable. Coupled with my reduced ability to not react or ignore the sting of the words it gets a bit hard some days.
The pace of change seems to be increasing, so I can only expect that this tension will continue until something gives, or She can accept that this river is going to the sea and She might as well get on the raft. Hoping for the second, realistically I think the first is more likely. I'm pretty sure that given an amiable solution will be found somewhere down the road, but for now its a matter of batten down the hatches and ride it out.
"That oil slick we saw was just this big sticky mess in the water and streaks and smudges. It looked like an accident. This thing doesn't look like an accident, it looks like, it's on purpose."
Don't tip the raft!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaEC12OiV_I&t=3s (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaEC12OiV_I&t=3s)
Well things seem to be doing okay at the moment. We had an interesting discussion walking to the supermarket yesterday. She wants me to make things 'less visible' as She feels embarrassed to be in the company of anyone that looks less than 'normal'. I can understand in a way, but it makes me a bit angry that after 14 years together She still doesn't understand that I've never been 'normal' and never will. The constant efforts to make me change to be more like everyone else is tiring.
We are getting a bit closer and actually manage to get more intimacy going on than has been happening for a while. Its an interesting paradox. She is curious, but also ashamed. I think perhaps that my choice has made her question some assumptions about herself.
I'd like to meet her expectations, but at the same time I can't as the level of dysphoria would drive me around the bend. I think we both want to stay together, but need to find a balance for both the expectations around transition and the pace. On the positive side, She has accepted that makeup will become necessary until I can get rid of facial hair and is being a bit more helpful.
Things are never easy. It would be so easy to give up, split, and both live the way we really want. I do feel however, that patience and empathy may actually lead to a better outcome.
We went kayaking and swimming today. For a while now I've avoided the water but I thought what the heck. Just put a t shirt and a slightly too large bikini top (which flattened things a bit) along with my ordinary swimming shorts. Was it a bit obvious? I think so. Do I care? Not a bit. Neither did anyone else. Another tick in the bucket list. :)
A friend from last stint at Uni dropped by a few days ago. She ended up working in the School my youngest attended last year. When we talked about transition She wasn't surprised. Felt that I was volatile a few years back. It makes sense that volitility is now gone since the underlying issue is being dealt with.
Remember to stay positive, and enjoy yourself. There's no reason to stress over something that is putting you on the right path to happiness. If doing so succumbs the sensory of the atmosphere around you, reassurance of your goals in life, and how happy you will be to reach them is a key point to focus on in turning that aura around into one that is genuinely good.
Do something special for your wife. Perhaps make a nice, hot bubble bath with some magnesium sulfate, and several drops of a really exotic essential oil and throw in some lotus petals to make it pretty. Light a few candles, and you can even make a playlist of some of her favorite tracks and have some of her beloved music playing.
Anything that shows you appreciate her is surely to lift her spirits! 💕
Today was my wife's birthday. We went to the foot spa and got her a pedicure while I took the kids for an ice cream. She enjoyed it, but considered the price more than its worth, that's my girl... frugal to the last. :) She also told one of her friends about my transition and so far all is good.
Been to the beach five times now to swim and kayak with obvious breast development visible and no one cares so its all good. Still need to dress gender neutral with minimal makeup etc to keep the wife happy, but gender neutral beats male and I can see some progress happening.
In a week I get to go back to the Doctor with some new blood test results and review the dosages (yay!) He started pretty low so things are a bit slower than I might prefer right now. Hopefully he doubles it so we can see some progress.
I've got some home laser devices arriving this week. Slower than a clinic, but I don't think we are going to justify 3 grand right now so I'll just have to get the hairs one at a time with patience and persistence. Perhaps it will make facial hair a bit less visible, and for $150 that's totally worth it. In addition shaving often is getting painful so the sooner I don't need to the better! Wife is against makeup so concealing is causing more issues than its worth.
Overall things are good right now I can see slow but steady progress and that may the safest way to proceed anyway. It will be interesting what happens when I go back to work in 2 weeks.
A couple of hair removal solutions arrived today. A small home laser device that works pretty well.in heating up my dense facial hair. It remains to be seen how effective or permanent it is. The other is something I spotted. Little patches of really fine sand paper like material ' an old as seen on tv promotion. Works pretty well to smooth out the left over hair on my arms and legs after shaving making them feel smooth at least for a while. Hopefully updated spiro dosage will reduce that particular problem. It must work ok aa the laser can't find any hair to heat up after using it.
I know you love your new device, but Laser Hair Removal doesn't cost over a grand if you get a groupon for it:
Just type "Laser Hair Removal" in the search box at the top, and you get HUGE discounts!
It's on my to do list, but for now I shave really fricken close. lol
Sometime this spring I'll start it up.
Don't know about love. Its just cheap. Slow probably. Close shaving just leaves permanent five o'cock shadow. That really annoys me. Yhanks for the link, I'll look into it.
https://i.imgur.com/8dWzOYL.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/jUjckr5.jpg
I do believe I'm making some progress.... yay!
Hmm... muscle mass is definitely decreasing faster. This has to be a good sign.
Weight loss has started again. I'm hopeful that I can reach my goal of 95kg by March. :) In addition as I lose weight I definitely see a more female shape to my body. Breasts keep growing- painfully, and I have an appointment tomorrow to see the doctor for the first hrt review. My Wife is getting on board with a bit of makeup help, and She cut my hair in the style I wanted.
Things are happening. This has to be good.
Blood tests show... normal for liver functions and improving lipids. Yay! I have a good feeling about my appointment tomorrow.
Good luck on your appointment today. Your daughter is adorable in your picture.
Hugs for you both.
Laurie
Family is important to me. I figured the profile picture should reflect that.
Yes it does reflect that but it seem to have you sideways. Would you like me to try to correct that for you?
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on January 15, 2018, 01:34:47 PM
Yes it does reflect that but it seem to have you sideways. Would you like me to try to correct that for you?
Laurie
I tried to fix that. It didn't want to co-operate. If you can it would great. Thank you.
How's that?
Thanks. Well the doc doubled progynova at least. :) Its a good step in the right direction.
Yes, they will take you up in steps usually checking level first until you hit the max they think you should be on.
Did some measuring today. Came out a 40 D bra size with a 5 inch difference between rib cage and breasts. Sadly my barrel of a chest still makes things look small. Given the constant tenderness I'm hoping to see more growth yet.
Met a colleague from a few years back in the supermarket today. We caught up, He said I was looking good but at the same time I could see a question behind the statement. Things must be changing at a faster pace.
Went kayaking again today. Decided to not care and just go with my rash shirt and shorts, even stowed the kayaking vest (nice safe little estuary) I know my face wouldn't have passed given I had no concealer etc due to salt water, and my body is definitely... not the same shape it used to be. I wouldn't label it as entirely feminine, but its definitely a long way from male (overweight or otherwise). No one cared or even noticed (that was a little disappointing to be honest).
A few days ago my wife walked up and said "your breasts are too big". I said thanks! She wasn't impressed but it made my day. :) In addition I've dropped 17kg since I started this journey. Only 9kg from my goal and faster than I expected. Hair reduction is on track, have to say I don't enjoy burning one hair at a time away, but patience will get me there. Facial hair is a bit slower in coming back, and body hair has definitively lost its pep. Takes days to grow to a point where I need to do anything about it.
Down low things are getting smaller and less functional and I don't mind one bit! They can wither and fall off for all I care.
All in all it made me feel confident that I can be myself regardless and not hide anything. Still need to be patient and that's driving me a bit nuts, but I can see small victories every day and they keep me going. Struggling a bit with GD in the form of seeing women and feeling jealous they just have what I want, but it will get better in time.
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 20, 2018, 01:35:11 AM
Went kayaking again today. Decided to not care and just go with my rash shirt and shorts, even stowed the kayaking vest (nice safe little estuary) I know my face wouldn't have passed given I had no concealer etc due to salt water, and my body is definitely... not the same shape it used to be. I wouldn't label it as entirely feminine, but its definitely a long way from male (overweight or otherwise). No one cared or even noticed (that was a little disappointing to be honest).
A few days ago my wife walked up and said "your breasts are too big". I said thanks! She wasn't impressed but it made my day. :) In addition I've dropped 17kg since I started this journey. Only 9kg from my goal and faster than I expected. Hair reduction is on track, have to say I don't enjoy burning one hair at a time away, but patience will get me there. Facial hair is a bit slower in coming back, and body hair has definitively lost its pep. Takes days to grow to a point where I need to do anything about it.
Down low things are getting smaller and less functional and I don't mind one bit! They can wither and fall off for all I care.
All in all it made me feel confident that I can be myself regardless and not hide anything. Still need to be patient and that's driving me a bit nuts, but I can see small victories every day and they keep me going. Struggling a bit with GD in the form of seeing women and feeling jealous they just have what I want, but it will get better in time.
Good for you!
I agree, Good for you K. And that part about your wife telling you your boob were to big. That was good even if she didn't think it was. It reminded me of my sister keeps telling me I am getting a butt. The tap measure disagrees with her though dang it.
Hugs,
Laurie
Hooray! No five o'clock shadow directly after shaving. I'm sure it will return in a few hours but the facial hair ls going away.
That's awesome! I noticed hormone therapy greatly thinned my body hair, but it did have some thinning effect on my facial hair. They used to be a lot more coarse, and sporadic. It won't eliminate it though, so it's a good thing you're taking other measures to help aid you in that pursuit. I agree with Laurie, your daughter is very gorgeous. You also look like you're making some very noticeable changes. Look more fresh, and have soft, glowing skin. Keep it up! 🎉
Yay! Someone actually gendered me correctly in a shop. From a distance at least. :) Making progress.
That's awesome! Always a satisfying thing to hear yourself being referred to as. I love when people call me "ma'am". Beats being called "sir" any day for us whom don't want to be looked at in that way. :D
The tape doesn't lie. Breasts have grown another half inch in the last two weeks. There is now a solid five inch difference from the underbust measurement.
Today is indeed a good day!
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 24, 2018, 11:24:06 AM
The tape doesn't lie. Breasts have grown another half inch in the last two weeks. There is now a solid five inch difference from the underbust measurement.
Today is indeed a good day!
Aha, one of the Nixon tapes that has a gap in it :)
Ha! Today is another good day. Yesterday my wife commented I look very female from the back, and that I'd really lost weight. Yay! Then today a female co-worker complimented me on my makeup choices, and I felt super confident so I volunteered to be union rep this year.
Thanks HRT...
I've been a little bad recently, but I'm turning around. Hopefully. lol There are a lot of really good looking men that hit on me everyday, and sometimes I have a hard time resisting that attention. Thankfully, I haven't had sex with any of them, but I've come close. Had to exercise my ability to not take things further than kissing. I don't know why 10/10 guys are so into me when they could be dating a girl that can give them children. Unless it's a fantasy desire, or they don't want kids or something. That's understandable. I have to be careful though, because I fell in love with a guy whom broke up with me because I couldn't give him biological children with our blood together knowing that I could not do that from the start. It made me feel used. That's something that's going to eat at me for the rest of my life, and I would prefer to avoid adding more of that pain to my heart. That being said, kissing really good looking guys is quite the rush. XD I'll just... pretend like last night never happened. Hahaha.
Oh I know. Being married however, any attention I might get is off limits!
Today a parent of one my students commented on my pink toenails. Then, when She came back at the end of the day She apologized if She had overstepped boundries, and wanted to confirm I was transgender - which I did. She was happy. That has has put one fear to bed as the parents accept me as I am.
Also...
SOMEONE NOTICED WITHOUT PROMPTING!
We are finally making some progress. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 29, 2018, 10:30:54 PM
Ha! Today is another good day. Yesterday my wife commented I look very female from the back, and that I'd really lost weight. Yay! Then today a female co-worker complimented me on my makeup choices, and I felt super confident so I volunteered to be union rep this year.
Thanks HRT...
Three compliments as others noticed! That's good! Plus your confidence was boosted. Yay!
Pink toenails? That's cute. Mine are painted blue right now. I'm already jumping back at it. This really cute guy wants me to come over. 👩🎤 I asked where and when. I'm starting to get into this.
Quote from: xAmyX on January 30, 2018, 11:16:24 PM
Pink toenails? That's cute. Mine are painted blue right now. I'm already jumping back at it. This really cute guy wants me to come over. 👩🎤 I asked where and when. I'm starting to get into this.
Yup. I like pink. :) Wife wasn't so impressed... :p. I don't really like blue much in terms of toe or finger nail colour. I lived in blue Men's clothes for decades and I don't want to go near it for a while. Have fun! It might be nice to be a free agent.
Back at work after two months away. Everyone comments on how young and healthy I look. :) I did some thinking yesterday. Besides dressing conservatively to keep my wife happy at home, I don't actually present as any less than the femme side of gender neutral to female everywhere else... and I feel really comfortable with that. Today I went to work with makeup, longer dyed hair, painted nails (hands and feet), a shirt that hides nothing, and female skinny jeans. I also shaved close, but made no effort to hide the shadow. Those people I asked can't see it so I guess the laser is doing its job. Feel good and no negative comments at all. People want to know my secret to looking young. I'm pretty sure most of them wouldn't want to go down that road. :)
Today is indeed a good day.
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 31, 2018, 07:44:57 PM
Back at work after two months away. Everyone comments on how young and healthy I look. :) I did some thinking yesterday. Besides dressing conservatively to keep my wife happy at home, I don't actually present as any less than the femme side of gender neutral to female everywhere else... and I feel really comfortable with that. Today I went to work with makeup, longer dyed hair, painted nails (hands and feet), a shirt that hides nothing, and female skinny jeans. I also shaved close, but made no effort to hide the shadow. Those people I asked can't see it so I guess the laser is doing its job. Feel good and no negative comments at all. People want to know my secret to looking young. I'm pretty sure most of them wouldn't want to go down that road. :)
Today is indeed a good day.
It is awesome how we have the HRT side effect of youth! Plumper cheeks that erasing lines, hair becoming thicker, skin softer, a smile for every occasion, brighter eyes!
Interesting day. One of the managers came to me and said that people were asking questions about... me. So I said they should simply tell them the truth. Therefore I'm totally out at work now. :) Hooray. One less thing to get in the way.
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 31, 2018, 07:44:57 PM
Back at work after two months away. Everyone comments on how young and healthy I look. :) I did some thinking yesterday. Besides dressing conservatively to keep my wife happy at home, I don't actually present as any less than the femme side of gender neutral to female everywhere else... and I feel really comfortable with that. Today I went to work with makeup, longer dyed hair, painted nails (hands and feet), a shirt that hides nothing, and female skinny jeans. I also shaved close, but made no effort to hide the shadow. Those people I asked can't see it so I guess the laser is doing its job. Feel good and no negative comments at all. People want to know my secret to looking young. I'm pretty sure most of them wouldn't want to go down that road. :)
Today is indeed a good day.
That is good to hear!
Things have reached the point where there is no point trying to hide anything. In fact, aside from home I'm pretty much living 100% female anyway. This poses a knotty problem. My wife isn't ready to accept this. For the sake of the marriage it would be good to hold off for a little longer, but I'm not sure how long I can. It just seems foolish dressing male when all it does is confuse people anyway.
Facial hair is reducing so that with close shaving and minimal makeup its not all that visible and my hair while short, is acceptable in my opinion. Body shape isn't amazing but definitely not male and breasts are small, but acceptable at this point as well. I don't think I 'pass' as such but the day gets closer.
Going to have to make a call fairly soon that will cause some big ripples at home. :(
It seems that you are making some real progress at work and your changes are becoming more evident. There are "crossroads" in life and it seems that you are approaching one.
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 02, 2018, 01:56:34 PM
It seems that you are making some real progress at work and your changes are becoming more evident. There are "crossroads" in life and it seems that you are approaching one.
Yes, I agree. Mentally I loath wearing male clothes now anyway. I go to a shop and cringe when she suggests even the most feminine male pattern shirt etc. She wants a person who was, in reality not real. Just a mask to make other people happy and 'He' is quite simply gone. Its time to move onto the next step, but if I get the timing wrong for the family it could be the straw that broke the camels back for a very fragile state of truce.
I hate this... How can the rest of world not give a damn, but the people I want to keep close put up such resistance to an unstoppable process? She says I'm being 'selfish' but I have no choice!
I thought I'd put in some photos to mark progress. I'm not sure what I see at the moment. I don't see a man however so that's got to be good. I can see why people have started to ask questions. :) No makeup or anything as I'm at home.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/J67ck5
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/6jW3v8
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 02, 2018, 02:16:59 PM
Yes, I agree. Mentally I loath wearing male clothes now anyway. I go to a shop and cringe when she suggests even the most feminine male pattern shirt etc. She wants a person who was, in reality not real. Just a mask to make other people happy and 'He' is quite simply gone. Its time to move onto the next step, but if I get the timing wrong for the family it could be the straw that broke the camels back for a very fragile state of truce.
I hate this... How can the rest of world not give a damn, but the people I want to keep close put up such resistance to an unstoppable process? She says I'm being 'selfish' but I have no choice!
K,
What you describe is indeed putting you are between the rock and a hard part. Heaven knows I know what it is you are going through and it is hard. From your wife's point of view you are being selfish and at the same time so is she from yours. Just as you know this is something you need to do and anything less is unacceptable, it is equally unacceptable for her when you take into account how she was raised and that what you want is tantamount to murdering the man she married and loves. It is hard for her too. As a romantic we think that love should be enough but for many it isn't. It certainly wasn't in my case. I loved my wife and family with all my heart, but all the years of turmoil had damaged hers beyond recovery and it didn't even include transitioning. I'm not saying your relationship with your wife is as bad as mine was. I just saying the it is very hard for her to see and understand just how important this is for you. It may well come down to that choice between you going forward with transition and your marriage and family life. No one wants to have to make that choice, but many of us have had to.
I cannot tell you what you should do. That decision can only come from you and your wife. I will hope for the best for you K and will be here for you no matter how it goes. I wish you both well and a happy resolution.
Hugs,
Laurie
Yup your showing the signs girly I saw the pics.
Quote from: Laurie on February 02, 2018, 04:52:58 PM
Yup your showing the signs girly I saw the pics.
Thank you. That's what I needed to hear. From Monday, Apart from dressing conservatively for my wife when we are together I'm done with this part time stuff. Full time and no hiding. The people that matter are supportive and I care not what the others think I'm proud to me for the first time in a very long time and that is enough.
Quote from: Laurie on February 02, 2018, 04:52:58 PM
Yup your showing the signs girly I saw the pics.
Kelly,
I concur with Laurie. Good for you!
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 02, 2018, 08:56:24 PM
Kelly,
I concur with Laurie. Good for you!
Chrissy
Thank you. Its good to see some real progress going on. Makes me look forward to the next year or so.
Well Kelly, Yes it is good to be who you are. Sometime those that aren't supported do me a lot to us and it hurts. But It is good to be able to be ourselves.
Ok, First day at work with not a shred of male clothing. :) So far so good. The only person who cared was my wife (no surprise there.) but, She isn't here so I'm not going to worry about that. Onwards....
Hi Kelly,
Yep, you are going ahead with what you need to do. Good for you girl.
hugs,
laurie
I just realized that I don't actually care if I 'pass' or not. Of course, it would be nice if people did gender me female but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. Until laser has finally killed the beard I'll just shave close and not stress about shadow. :)
Tensions at home are getting worse and I know the cause sadly. At this point I think the truce won't last all that much longer and since we are both entrenched in our positions little is going to change. I'm looking to find some family counselling to see if it helps, but I don't have a lot of hope for it.
Still, everything else is going well and no one or nothing is going to make my day anything but great!
I hope things work out for you Kelly. Be nice and loving and see what happens over time.
Chrissy
Sometimes, you gotta just do what you need to do and not let others interfere with that process. Having an opposing wife is like having a gun to your head forcing you to live a life you do not want to live. Respectable it is to live your life the way you intend regardless of that pressure, and face your fears. Disrespectful to yourself to give in, and continue to live the haunt that's stead passed. Resurfacing it through condensation is not doing you any favors. Personally, if I were in your situation, I would not allow someone I was married with tell me to "slow" down the process of transcendence towards better days within myself. That's probably why I'll never be married, because I don't want anyone thinking that a piece of paper gives them power over my choices on being my true self. Thinking they have a say that disregards who I am, and forces me to fit the image they deem essential to their views of reality. That is not something I'm interested in. The answer will always be no, even in marriage if someone tells me to do something that counters what my heart is telling me to do. Take it at face value and live with it, or move on and find someone else. That's about all my spouse could do.
Another morning. Got myself some foundation that seems to work better. It minimizes but doesn't conceal my (reducing) beard shadow, and to be honest, I don't mind if its a little bit visible at the moment. I almost feel a little bit of... sadness that at this point I'm leaving a lot of the old me behind and perhaps, until the laser does it work totally its ok to be seen as transgender for a while. :) No one who matters to me at work or in the community seems to care, or they are supportive.
Still got the issues at home, but they are deep rooted, and, to be honest, were there before transition anyway. Thus...
another small step today and eventually all those mountains be crossed and I'l wonder why I thought it was hard in the first place.
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 07, 2018, 11:56:24 AM
Another morning. Got myself some foundation that seems to work better. It minimizes but doesn't conceal my (reducing) beard shadow, and to be honest, I don't mind if its a little bit visible at the moment. I almost feel a little bit of... sadness that at this point I'm leaving a lot of the old me behind and perhaps, until the laser does it work totally its ok to be seen as transgender for a while. :) No one who matters to me at work or in the community seems to care, or they are supportive.
Still got the issues at home, but they are deep rooted, and, to be honest, were there before transition anyway. Thus...
another small step today and eventually all those mountains be crossed and I'l wonder why I thought it was hard in the first place.
Go Kelly! Excellent attitude, sister!
- Stephanie
@krobinson103: You are correct... regarding your water sports and your obvious breast development, no body, at least most people, do not care. I live in a small town, have my own business, and for the last 2+ years I have been sporting full and obvious B (almost C) cup... I don't try to hide it.... I am fairly thin and present a female image well, and only one or two customers ever made a comment... mostly people I knew from high school... and the comments were not derisive but rather more of a non-judgemental inquisitive nature.
IMHO, my customers care more about how I handle their business needs and seem to be a less concerned about what I look like.
Based on other TG experiences I have read about, I feel fortunate about all of this situation.
:) Your picture looks like you are making good progress, and keep nurturing your family situation, one's family can be a difficult thing at times to deal with for sure.
Well, I'm done being subtle. It will cause some issues at home, but if I keep it toned down there all should be ok. I am who I am and no amount of disapproval from anyone - including my wife will change that. Its time to step up and be the real me, not the real me hiding in the shadow. not one person misgendered me yesterday except my wife, I take that as a sign its time to take a few more steps into the light.
Today I think we finally got to the truth of the matter with out relationship. We sat down and She accepted for the first time that the man she knew is gone, and that we need to move forward under a new set of rules. She still feels uncomfortable at home, so I made some compromises at home, and She has agreed to get out of the way of transition when I'm at work or in situations that don't affect her. We both agree that, in the future we will split, but for now, we need to stay together for a number of reasons.
Its not the ideal solution, and tensions will increase as physical changes get more pronounced. In addition She asked if surgery was on the cards and I said yes, but not for a while as its plain expensive. She didn't like it, but the silly ultimatums have stopped for now.
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 14, 2018, 02:21:57 AM
Today I think we finally got to the truth of the matter with out relationship. We sat down and She accepted for the first time that the man she knew is gone, and that we need to move forward under a new set of rules. She still feels uncomfortable at home, so I made some compromises at home, and She has agreed to get out of the way of transition when I'm at work or in situations that don't affect her. We both agree that, in the future we will split, but for now, we need to stay together for a number of reasons.
Its not the ideal solution, and tensions will increase as physical changes get more pronounced. In addition She asked if surgery was on the cards and I said yes, but not for a while as its plain expensive. She didn't like it, but the silly ultimatums have stopped for now.
I was wondering how things were going for your Kelly. Thanks for sharing your latest.
It looks like there are some new understandings, acceptances, and compromises. Take each day as it comes, keep a good attitude.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 14, 2018, 11:48:27 PM
I was wondering how things were going for your Kelly. Thanks for sharing your latest.
It looks like there are some new understandings, acceptances, and compromises. Take each day as it comes, keep a good attitude.
Chrissy
Thanks for the support. In terms of physical / emotional changes I'm happy to leave the old me behind forever. The family ties mean that I can't do that just yet. Frustrating, but then again grounding at the same time. If I don't have to be conservative for my wife I can 'pass' just fine in that some people will see me as trans, but most accept me for what I present. It only gets complicated when I have to keep things on the down low which means I don't look male as such but trans, which is actually worse for the outcomes my wife wants!
Hoping that She will soon see that its silly to try and hide or hold back when things have reached the point that its quite obvious, and the smart thing to do is to accentuate to take attention away from the remaining facial hair etc. As far as I'm concerned I will present female to the world, and if I must, go no further than gender neutral clothes which helps little anyway. If She still can't reconcile to that then I'm not going to try and stop everything from falling apart.
Well I'm 500 grams from my first weight target of 100kg. Then its the push for 95kg and there I want to stay. :) Will bring in a bmi of about 27 and still retain enough fat for curves. This is an awesome day.
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 15, 2018, 12:38:42 PM
Well I'm 500 grams from my first weight target of 100kg. Then its the push for 95kg and there I want to stay. :) Will bring in a bmi of about 27 and still retain enough fat for curves. This is an awesome day.
Yay Kelly!
Chrissy
Had a great day at work and in the community today. I went with a blouse I purchased 3 months back. At the time it just looked silly. Now it fits nicely and there is actually a bit of cleavage to work with it. :) Lots of positive comments, no negatives. Still get people calling me 'he' which is annoying, but to be fair at work I don't try very hard in terms of voice and shaving more than once in the morning. so I suppose its fair.
The last time I wore that I was terrified. Now? Its no different to a t shirt, though having visible cleavage is somewhat distracting and something I definitely am not used to!
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 15, 2018, 10:03:03 PM
Had a great day at work and in the community today. I went with a blouse I purchased 3 months back. At the time it just looked silly. Now it fits nicely and there is actually a bit of cleavage to work with it. :) Lots of positive comments, no negatives. Still get people calling me 'he' which is annoying, but to be fair at work I don't try very hard in terms of voice and shaving more than once in the morning. so I suppose its fair.
The last time I wore that I was terrified. Now? Its no different to a t shirt, though having visible cleavage is somewhat distracting and something I definitely am not used to!
Kelly,
That is great that you are getting more comfortable with wearing and are fitting better into your new clothes. I think you are right about not being too bothered by the pronoun usage considering what you said you did over time. Things will get better over time with this issue of how you are being addressed. Have another great day!
Chrissy
Pride parade! Totally amazing to see 1000's of people all who are LGBT out there showing some solidarity. We even had the prime minster there leading the show. Family joined me there and I think its really shown my wife that there are many, many other people other than me out there. Not sure what it will do, but She is deep in thought tonight so I Hope it shows her that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It was quite nice being one of many and thus just part of the crowd again. Its been a while since I've felt that.
Meanwhile, I'm totally going to join the parade next year. Bring it on...
Optimus Prime was there? Wow. Knew Opi was a transformer but not a transister :)
Quote from: Cassi on February 17, 2018, 06:26:09 PM
Optimus Prime was there? Wow. Knew Opi was a transformer but not a transister :)
lol no robots there. But, its the first time the leader of our country has actually joined a pride parade. This is significant.
Well today was an.. interesting day. There is one place - a Korean Church that knows nothing on my transition. Today we had to go for a special occasion. So, to keep the peace I went and put on some (yuck) old clothes. Thing is its very traditional and they insist on male/female division during eating etc. So there I am sitting there with all the men having to pretend to be who I used to be and want to forget. Then people start asking questions... you've lost weight, you aren't eating much, is that nail polish? It was just a matter of time before someone commented on breasts.... So I made an exit and just waited somewhere else until they finished.
Going to have to have a chat with my wife on this one, because the last time I ever do that. I can't stand it, and its not me. If we go there again, traditional or not I'm not pretending to be something I'm not.
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 18, 2018, 02:01:03 AM
Well today was an.. interesting day. There is one place - a Korean Church that knows nothing on my transition. Today we had to go for a special occasion. So, to keep the peace I went and put on some (yuck) old clothes. Thing is its very traditional and they insist on male/female division during eating etc. So there I am sitting there with all the men having to pretend to be who I used to be and want to forget. Then people start asking questions... you've lost weight, you aren't eating much, is that nail polish? It was just a matter of time before someone commented on breasts.... So I made an exit and just waited somewhere else until they finished.
Going to have to have a chat with my wife on this one, because the last time I ever do that. I can't stand it, and its not me. If we go there again, traditional or not I'm not pretending to be something I'm not.
@ krobinson103: That was surely an uncomfortable experience that I am certain that you do not want to repeat.
I have been following your recent postings and I am aware of the difficulties that you have been having with your transitional life and your home situation but it sounds to me that all of that is coming to a head very soon. I know this is a very difficult situation for you .... always count to ten before you make any grand relationship changing declarations...
Wishing you good luck with all of this and hoping that you find a good solution that ideally still includes your family. Please continue to keep us posted with your updates.
Quote from: Aspiringperson on February 18, 2018, 07:57:22 AM
@ krobinson103: That was surely an uncomfortable experience that I am certain that you do not want to repeat.
I have been following your recent postings and I am aware of the difficulties that you have been having with your transitional life and your home situation but it sounds to me that all of that is coming to a head very soon. I know this is a very difficult situation for you .... always count to ten before you make any grand relationship changing declarations...
Wishing you good luck with all of this and hoping that you find a good solution that ideally still includes your family. Please continue to keep us posted with your updates.
I had a chat with my wife last night. She agreed that its better that they know, so if we go there again (I try and avoid the place anyway) I'll have a chat to the priest and explain the situation.
On more positive matters I purchased a colour pallete and used it for the first time today to highlight, lip colour etc this morning. The new concealer / foundation does a good job of looking natural and reducing beard shadow to the point that I have to look for it. Also added some push up bras to my collection and I like the look. :) So far all good feedback, and its working well to reduce the irritation from yesterday. Just make sure I clean stuff up when I get home so She doesn't get too triggered. I still hate having to tuck into my shell at home, but in the long term things are going forward and that should be enough for now. Patience is after all, a virtue.
And... the best thing as of today I lost 5.6kg for this month! At this rate my goal is in sight for the end of next month.
Kelly,
Talking is often helpful, at least to some degree. It appears you have some agreement there at least about future visits to that church.
Good going on your weight loss.
Chrissy
snipped:
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 18, 2018, 03:22:42 PM
And... the best thing as of today I lost 5.6kg for this month! At this rate my goal is in sight for the end of next month.
@krobinson103: Well, that is terrific, lots of self control and to lose that much weight in a month.... good for you.
Once you get close to your goal... a full body shot picture would be nice to see if you would want to post it.
Quote from: Aspiringperson on February 18, 2018, 03:54:44 PM
snipped:
@krobinson103: Well, that is terrific, lots of self control and to lose that much weight in a month.... good for you.
Once you get close to your goal... a full body shot picture would be nice to see if you would want to post it.
When I hit 95kg. Still a few bits around the middle I dislike... :) I may revise the target down a bit at that point but I think thats probably optimal for curves and health.
You will get used to it Kelly. It sounds as though you are doing okay and becoming more comfortable with who you are. I agree next year you are in the parade. This year you got a by. Not happening next year. If I can be in my first you can be in your second. Keep up the progress, Hun.
Hugs,
Laurie
Wow. In a month my breasts have grown to the point that they are actually as large bare as they were with a lightly padded bra. :) 46 bust - 41 frame - 38 waist - 44 hips today. Hips are still somewhat narrow, but... there is still a six inch difference from the waist and you can totally see it. yay! Also still dropping weight. Overall measurements all over are down another 1/2 inch with growth in the bust so I'm not losing any fat there. Size 16 is starting to feel a bit large, with luck I might manage a 14 soon of the legs are long enough. Things are becoming a bit more obvious - did I mention estrogen is a miracle drug?
Today is a VERY good day. If it wasn't for the shortish hair and the leftover shadow I don't see a man anymore. Guess I better learn to do something about the voice now.
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 19, 2018, 12:54:50 PM
Wow. In a month my breasts have grown to the point that they are actually as large bare as they were with a lightly padded bra. :) 46 bust - 41 frame - 38 waist - 44 hips today. Hips are still somewhat narrow, but... there is still a six inch difference from the waist and you can totally see it. yay! Also still dropping weight. Overall measurements all over are down another 1/2 inch with growth in the bust so I'm not losing any fat there. Size 16 is starting to feel a bit large, with luck I might manage a 14 soon of the legs are long enough. Things are becoming a bit more obvious - did I mention estrogen is a miracle drug?
Today is a VERY good day. If it wasn't for the shortish hair and the leftover shadow I don't see a man anymore. Guess I better learn to do something about the voice now.
Kelly,
Wow! That is terrific!
Chrissy
Kelly congrats on your progress I am in a somewhat similar position with my wife she is trying but I am not sure she is going to be able to stay the course with me you are right starting on your voice is a great idea it is one of the hardest things to change and it takes a long time I wish you the best
bobbisue :)
Another victory. The beard hair and shadow has stayed suppressed all day and I'll get home without having to shave or play with makeup. Think its a combo of e slowing growth and my little laser reducing the density enough that foundation and a very small amount of concealer hide it - ALL DAY! :)
Everything is falling into place. I love it when plans go right...
Quote from: bobbisue on February 19, 2018, 05:06:56 PM
Kelly congrats on your progress I am in a somewhat similar position with my wife she is trying but I am not sure she is going to be able to stay the course with me you are right starting on your voice is a great idea it is one of the hardest things to change and it takes a long time I wish you the best
bobbisue :)
I think I might be on the home stretch for that one. Tension levels are a lot lower. We may be able to at least agree to a cease fire for the 5 years or so we will need to really be ready to live separately. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 19, 2018, 07:53:24 PM
Another victory. The beard hair and shadow has stayed suppressed all day and I'll get home without having to shave or play with makeup. Think its a combo of e slowing growth and my little laser reducing the density enough that foundation and a very small amount of concealer hide it - ALL DAY! :)
Everything is falling into place. I love it when plans go right...
Kelly,
That is awesome!
Chrissy
Hi Kelly,
Losing weight, getting a nicer figure, size 16 feeling loose. You are just saying those things to make me jealous and feel bad aren't you? I'm and 18/1x, 202.8lbs. and with an reverse hour glass figure. I worked hard for my beer gut and it's resisted change for 19 year after stopping drinking beer and all other alcohol.
Admit it you just want to see me cry don't you? loll Congrats on the progress Hun.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on February 19, 2018, 09:15:53 PM
Hi Kelly,
Losing weight, getting a nicer figure, size 16 feeling loose. You are just saying those things to make me jealous and feel bad aren't you? I'm and 18/1x, 202.8lbs. and with an reverse hour glass figure. I worked hard for my beer gut and it's resisted change for 19 year after stopping drinking beer and all other alcohol.
Admit it you just want to see me cry don't you? loll Congrats on the progress Hun.
Hugs,
Laurie
Its the drugs. They make very not hungry. I'm sure you'll get rid of the gut :)
Its funny. When I started on HRT it felt like I was pretending to a women when I went out dressed etc. Now I feel like I'm pretending to be a man if I have the unfortunate need to go out in Men's clothing. Pretty sure I don't 'pass' as a women, but I sure as heck don't pass as a man either.
I was at the supermarket with my daughter yesterday. After work, makeup up removed, just a t shirt and shorts, no bra and I was waiting in the checkout line. This girl behind me keeps starting. At this point I get stared at more if I wear mens clothing than Womens!
Well my day was just made. Met a new Teacher Aide... and He actually got my pronouns right without prompting. Hooray!
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 20, 2018, 12:40:53 PM
Its funny. When I started on HRT it felt like I was pretending to a women when I went out dressed etc. Now I feel like I'm pretending to be a man if I have the unfortunate need to go out in Men's clothing. Pretty sure I don't 'pass' as a women, but I sure as heck don't pass as a man either.
I was at the supermarket with my daughter yesterday. After work, makeup up removed, just a t shirt and shorts, no bra and I was waiting in the checkout line. This girl behind me keeps starting. At this point I get stared at more if I wear mens clothing than Womens!
Well my day was just made. Met a new Teacher Aide... and He actually got my pronouns right without prompting. Hooray!
That is interesting development Kelly. (Man clothing stares).
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 20, 2018, 04:29:07 PM
That is interesting development Kelly. (Man clothing stares).
Chrissy
Too many mixed signals I suspect. Kids are less likely to filter that.
Today I met one of my long term goals. My weight is finally down to 99.6kg which means that I'm only 4.4kg from the ultimate target I set 6 months ago. Moving from 120kg to where am I now has totally changed the way I feel and not lugging around all that excess fat and muscle is so much better. Hoping the last push reduces belly fat enough to get rid of the last of the man gut. :) If not I guess we keep going till its gone.
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 21, 2018, 11:43:29 AM
Today I met one of my long term goals. My weight is finally down to 99.6kg which means that I'm only 4.4kg from the ultimate target I set 6 months ago. Moving from 120kg to where am I now has totally changed the way I feel and not lugging around all that excess fat and muscle is so much better. Hoping the last push reduces belly fat enough to get rid of the last of the man gut. :) If not I guess we keep going till its gone.
Sounds like you are making fantastic progress Kelly!
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 21, 2018, 11:43:29 AM
Today I met one of my long term goals. My weight is finally down to 99.6kg which means that I'm only 4.4kg from the ultimate target I set 6 months ago. Moving from 120kg to where am I now has totally changed the way I feel and not lugging around all that excess fat and muscle is so much better. Hoping the last push reduces belly fat enough to get rid of the last of the man gut. :) If not I guess we keep going till its gone.
@ krobinson103:
Well !!! Good for you and congratulations. Losing that much weight is hard work and takes immense willpower... kudos to you.
As for our American friends like myself I had convert kgs to pounds.
120kg = 265 pounds ... (your starting point)
99.6kg = 220 pounds ... (your present weight)
95.2kg = 210 pounds ... (your goal)
So now that I have it converted all I can say is WOW... you have lost 45 pounds with only 10 more pounds to go before you hit your goal of 210 pounds. But now all of your clothes are way too big for you.... not a bad problem to have for sure. Again, congratulations are in order.
I am certain now that without lugging around that much extra that you can now run faster and jump higher!!!! ... and not only do you feel better but you feel better about yourself. Keep the updates coming!!! and pictures would be nice too!!
Best Wishes,
aspiringperson
Quote from: Aspiringperson on February 21, 2018, 12:11:18 PM
@ krobinson103:
Well !!! Good for you and congratulations. Losing that much weight is hard work and takes immense willpower... kudos to you.
As for our American friends like myself I had convert kgs to pounds.
120kg = 265 pounds ... (your starting point)
99.6kg = 220 pounds ... (your present weight)
95.2kg = 210 pounds ... (your goal)
So now that I have it converted all I can say is WOW... you have lost 45 pounds with only 10 more pounds to go before you hit your goal of 210 pounds. But now all of your clothes are way too big for you.... not a bad problem to have for sure. Again, congratulations are in order.
I am certain now that without lugging around that much extra that you can now run faster and jump higher!!!! ... and not only do you feel better but you feel better about yourself. Keep the updates coming!!! and pictures would be nice too!!
Best Wishes,
aspiringperson
Thanks. With size 16 edging on too big and all the size 18 stuff baggy (even the skinny styes) Its probably time to be looking at 14. I think for my frame size (187cm, and always on the heavy side, this the 210 pound goal) 14-16 is pretty good. I'm finding that the issue becomes length. I could easily go another inch or two smaller right now at the waist line, but the length gets too short. My waist still has some space to get smaller which should enhance the shape that I want. :) The other areas? My bones aren't exactly small so I suppose thats something I can't easily change.
On the plus side, even though I'm losing size and weight elsewhere my hips and breasts are getting larger. So Fat is going to where it ought to. One interesting observation from a female colleague was that my hands look 'delicate' thats a big compliment since I have dinner plates for hands. The tendons have changed and while their physical size is identical they have curved inwards (in that they no longer default on flat when open). In fact, the knuckles are set back further than they used to be. So now I have shorter palms and really long looking fingers.
Today after work I went shopping. Despite it being almost 4pm, and I know that some facial hair had to be visible, NOT ONE person I dealt with in 1 1/2 hours misgendered or looked at me as anything but the way I presented. I even had one nice gentlemen let me into the line first. :) I even talked to a man who was pushing his agenda on environmental issues. He was very passionate about it. But he looked at me for at least 5 minutes and I could see no sign of him seeing anything other than what I wanted him to see.
Things are a changing, and the line has most definitely been crossed.
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 22, 2018, 03:46:20 AM
Today after work I went shopping. Despite it being almost 4pm, and I know that some facial hair had to be visible, NOT ONE person I dealt with in 1 1/2 hours misgendered or looked at me as anything but the way I presented. I even had one nice gentlemen let me into the line first. :) I even talked to a man who was pushing his agenda on environmental issues. He was very passionate about it. But he looked at me for at least 5 minutes and I could see no sign of him seeing anything other than what I wanted him to see.
Things are a changing, and the line has most definitely been crossed.
@ krobinson103: very wonderful for you, things are definitely looking up in your transition, thanks for keeping us updated! Hopefully things with your family are going well also.
Aspiringperson
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/Biz8vc
Me today. Still a lot of work to do, but satisfied that HRT is doing its thing. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 22, 2018, 11:28:52 AM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/Biz8vc
Me today. Still a lot of work to do, but satisfied that HRT is doing its thing. :)
@ krobinson103: Your photos look terrific... your hair is growing out nicely... and yes, I can see why you may have difficulty passing as a MALE and are not always getting outed. Oh, your bra strap is showing!! LOL
IMHO it might be time to update your profile picture!!!!
Aspiringperson
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 22, 2018, 11:28:52 AM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/Biz8vc
Me today. Still a lot of work to do, but satisfied that HRT is doing its thing. :)
You are a woman! I'm so happy for you!
It's becoming more of a possibility for me to more permanently express my feminine self. I feels great!
Quote from: Aspiringperson on February 22, 2018, 12:01:21 PM
@ krobinson103: Your photos look terrific... your hair is growing out nicely... and yes, I can see why you may have difficulty passing as a MALE and are not always getting outed. Oh, your bra strap is showing!! LOL
IMHO it might be time to update your profile picture!!!!
Aspiringperson
Thanks. The not getting outed at all would be nice. :p I'll take a better pic for the profile. :)
Quote from: Jessica on February 22, 2018, 12:31:59 PM
You are a woman! I'm so happy for you!
It's becoming more of a possibility for me to more permanently express my feminine self. I feels great!
Thanks, I still have to work on the middle. Too much extra padding for my liking. Get rid of that and my hips should be more obvious.
Looking purty good, Girl. I'm still jealous at you being a loose 16 :'( :'( Then I said oh wait she is probably using UK sizing. So I looked it up and it's worse that I thought that's a US 14 and I'm a US 18. ?cry /cry :'( :'( :'(
Quote from: Laurie on February 22, 2018, 10:51:36 PM
Looking purty good, Girl. I'm still jealous at you being a loose 16 :'( :'( Then I said oh wait she is probably using UK sizing. So I looked it up and it's worse that I thought that's a US 14 and I'm a US 18. ?cry /cry :'( :'( :'(
Its only a matter of discipline and controlling what you eat. :) Thanks for the compliment. Had an interesting moment today. I got home from work, my eldest daughter says "Mum, Dad's breasts are bigger than yours." Lol, the look I got was interesting.
I'm gaining weight! Albeit, in muscle rather than fat. Been exercising harder than ever before, and my legs are solid as a rock. I gained 20 pounds even though I look leaner! From 120 to 140. That's all in leg muscles. My legs were so sore yesterday, it felt like I had stab wounds from a knife. ;D Time to get my butt in bed, and then keep at it! I head out upon awakening to go build these legs some more. My target is thighs, hips and butt. If my size goes up a few numbers I'll be glad, because it's going to the right places!
99.5 kg (219 pounds) this morning and I took careful stock of body / facial hair. Body and leg / arm hair is at least 50% fine and quite light - hard to see in anything but the brightest light. Facial hair was... not visible after 24 hours at least. I could feel it, but the density has dropped to the point its barely visible under the skin, or slightly out of it. Still responds to laser judging by the pain caused by last nights session though. I'm thinking upper lip and chin will be 60-80% reduced in a few months. Neck and sides still at about 40% reduction.
Also, I fit into the smallest clothes I wore when I was at the peak of my fitness some 4-5 years ago and weighed 190 pounds. My frame has shrunk a lot with the muscle loss etc. Very happy with progress so far.
Oh yeah best bit this morning. My youngest said "Its ok for you to turn into a girl" yay!
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 23, 2018, 02:05:54 PM
99.5 kg (219 pounds) this morning and I took careful stock of body / facial hair. Body and leg / arm hair is at least 50% fine and quite light - hard to see in anything but the brightest light. Facial hair was... not visible after 24 hours at least. I could feel it, but the density has dropped to the point its barely visible under the skin, or slightly out of it. Still responds to laser judging by the pain caused by last nights session though. I'm thinking upper lip and chin will be 60-80% reduced in a few months. Neck and sides still at about 40% reduction.
Also, I fit into the smallest clothes I wore when I was at the peak of my fitness some 4-5 years ago and weighed 190 pounds. My frame has shrunk a lot with the muscle loss etc. Very happy with progress so far.
Oh yeah best bit this morning. My youngest said "Its ok for you to turn into a girl" yay!
@ krobinson103: Great news on your weight, shape and hair issues. Thanks for the update.
Aweee... so sweet what your daughter said to you... hopefully your wife is fully on board with this.
Wishing you the best.
Aspiringperson
snipped:
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 23, 2018, 01:27:40 AM
. Had an interesting moment today. I got home from work, my eldest daughter says "Mum, Dad's breasts are bigger than yours." Lol, the look I got was interesting.
@ krobinson103: Wow whee... that was quite a moment to remember!!!!
Aspiringperson
Interesting trip to the op shop. Not making a lot of effort today so it was just addidas track pants and a nice trekking t shirt. I get there and a parent of one of my student from a few years ago is there. We chat. I shop, find three blouses I liked and went to pay. On the surface her conversation was agreeable but every 3rd word I get MR and SIR. Decided not to make an issue of it, but seriously, is that really necessary?
snipped:
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 23, 2018, 06:38:46 PM
On the surface her conversation was agreeable but every 3rd word I get MR and SIR. Decided not to make an issue of it, but seriously, is that really necessary?
@ krobinson103; unless an old friend or previous acquaintance has been around me before and during my transition to full time, it is natural for them to be somewhat nervous and confused about which pronoun they should use to personally address me.
You were right to not make an issue of it.... they were most likely more apprehensive and nervous about this that you were... that too will pass with time.
aspiringperson
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 22, 2018, 11:28:52 AM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/Biz8vc
Me today. Still a lot of work to do, but satisfied that HRT is doing its thing. :)
Looking very nice - Not knowing your wife, but I could see how you could be larger up top than her. Congratulations on the scale!
Quote from: Denise on February 23, 2018, 07:47:47 PM
Looking very nice - Not knowing your wife, but I could see how you could be larger up top than her. Congratulations on the scale!
Thanks. She is a small asian women. So in proportion she is actually larger still. :)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/dEHu37
Well today I went into town with the family. Tried to keep it down low in terms of dress. All I really managed to do was create mixed messages, but no one seemed to care given it was Japan day and everyone was dressed up as characters. I also managed to find another ungendered public bathroom yay! I like it when I find them.
Yay! Finally got my frame size down from 40 to 39. So todays measurements are: 44 bust (no bra) 39 frame, 36 waist, and 43 hips. Also got down to 218 pounds. Looking good for the the goals. The smaller i get my frame and waist the more obvious the rest will be. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 25, 2018, 12:39:49 PM
Yay! Finally got my frame size down from 40 to 39. So todays measurements are: 44 bust (no bra) 39 frame, 36 waist, and 43 hips. Also got down to 218 pounds. Looking good for the the goals. The smaller i get my frame and waist the more obvious the rest will be. :)
Kelly,
Where is the
frame body measurement taken?
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 25, 2018, 12:41:59 PM
Kelly,
Where is the frame body measurement taken?
Chrissy
Just under the bust (rib cage). Its what bra calculators use to give you a size that makes no sense. There isn't much room for improvement there for me sadly. Tiny bit of fat and maybe a little more muscle and thats that.
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 25, 2018, 12:50:13 PM
Just under the bust (rib cage). Its what bra calculators use to give you a size that makes no sense. There isn't much room for improvement there for me sadly. Tiny bit of fat and maybe a little more muscle and thats that.
Oh, the frame size is the underbust figure that is used in cup size calculations, if I understand correctly.
Thanks.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 25, 2018, 01:07:59 PM
Oh, the frame size is the underbust figure that is used in cup size calculations, if I understand correctly.
Thanks.
Chrissy
Ahem, they do things, I believe, differently, on that side of the planet :)
Give it time krobinson, it may come down more. Ive dropped from 46 in May 2017 to 40 now and lost 45 lbs to get to 220. now its really taking its time to drop but every little bit helps.
Give it time krobinson, it may come down more. Ive dropped from 46 in May 2017 to 40 now and lost 45 lbs to get to 220. now its really taking its time to drop but every little bit helps.
Already dropped 45 pounds. Another 20 or so to the goal. I can already see my ribs so I suspect that I might get 1/2 inch off from the loss of back muscle at most there. The crazy thing is that calculators come out with 39 D or DD which is just plain wrong! I have one D cup bra and theres no way its the right size. I might get the height but no way the volume to fill that thing.
Lol. Bras and breast are strange that way. I have two 38C that fit nice mostly 40C plus a 42B sister size. The strangest one is i have 3 44C that i completely fill.
Look up the five step measuring system and see what it says. It gives a little finer sizing
Lol... Men and breasts. There I was after work. had a fairly tight t shirt on cause thats what I do at home. Walking to the supermarket. Haven't shaved for 12 hours. No one seems to notice. Dude on a motorcycle goes past stares hard out, goes down the road, comes back stares some more as he rides past. Guess stuff has changed enough to get attention. Facial hair can't be as visible as it used to be. Now I thought this can't be, but my wife who happened to be watching told me off for wearing said t shirt because the dude was staring too much!
I'm sure it would normally be rude but I take it as a sign of progress. :)
On other fronts I've been listening to peoples speech patterns and found a spot in my vocal range that doesn't sound male (the gravel is gone) but doesn't sound too fake. Been concentrating on staying there if I can. Today I got home from work / shopping and realized for about 30 minutes I kept doing it without thinking, and no one not even the family mentioned anything. I also figured out the knack of applying nail polish with off hand and not making a horrible mess of it. :) Women smile at me and include me in their club now as well. I even had students (who aren't super observant most times say I look like a girl.
Thus... nothing outed me today, not my voice, not my facial hair, nothing. Shop assistants don't notice anymore, in fact one complimented me on my colour selections. Men have even started to notice me as a women not an oddity. As the postman said... "stuff is getting better..."
krobinson103, what you have on your chest does more to make you seen as a woman than what is on your face.
Quote from: mm on February 27, 2018, 07:55:42 AM
krobinson103, what you have on your chest does more to make you seen as a woman than what is on your face.
A fairly one dimensional view I must admit. :p Then again, you do notice a women's figure before you look for anything else. But, I'll take the distractions from the tells on my face. :) Oh yeah, 98.8kg this morning giving me a loss of 2.2kg for the week and its only wednesday! The pattern seems to be drop 500g or so, stable for a week, drop 500g... If this continues I'll hit my target goal by the next doctors meeting and might need to reassess to see if more can be achieved.
Well, I haven't been convinced that I pass, but, today after work I walked past three groups of high school kids in full fem mode and... nothing. A group of six year olds... nothing, they don't even look twice. At the bank, a bit of confusion on the bank records but otherwise... nothing. At the vet for the cats castration (lucky devil!) I get love and dear from the receptionist and the vet looks a bit confused looking for Mr Robinson. I go to the jewelry store, nothing just normal service.
In fact the only people who misgendered me today were ex students and I don't care if they do because they don't mean anything by it.
Either, this whole town cares nothing about people being trans, or I pass. This feels pretty darn good!
Usually I journal about the good, but the bad also happens. Since change have reached a point that I've crossed the gender line last night was the biggest confrontation yet about all of this. Wife and eldest daughters opinions were reasserted and I can see that any 'support' is surface only. My youngest just wants a 'normal not fighting' family.
In the end I got sick of all the circular arguments and told them the the old me was dead and unless they want the new me dead as well to back off and stop trying to place unrealistic expectations or limitations. Its clear that perhaps not immediately, but in the near future that the only way to get out of this toxic spiral is to end this farce of marriage.
I can accept and understand her position, but the simple fact is there is no hiding or going back I can't and won't stay in them middle and the conditions they want are unrealistic and unfair. Its officially over and if that means I don't see my eldest daughter again then that's the cost of this transition.
Transition is life. Its unfortunate I can't keep the old one intact more but, there is no going back and I refuse to be ashamed of being the real me. Unfortunately moving out or selling in the short term isn't an option so I suppose ignoring ridiculous critizism and just financially keeping things going while interacting as little as possible the best way forward at this point.
@ krobinson103: regarding your last 2 postings...
That is good news about you passing and finding that a lot of the folks that you came across didn't give you a 2nd look and they didn't seem to stare at you while you were in your girl-mode. I love your statement at the end of your next to last posting:
"Either, this whole town cares nothing about people being trans, or I pass. This feels pretty darn good!"
Regarding your very last posting about relations with your immediate family members.... that is all very tough stuff to personally deal with not only for you but for them also. I could feel your pain as I read it. Hang in there and proceed carefully, family affairs can be the most difficult for a person that is transitioning.
Best wishes to you as you go forward,
Aspiringperson
Hi K,
I understand how you feel, I really do. You do need to be yourself and the situation has become untenable. All this I believe is true for you and I do not blame you for one moment for feeling that way. It is sad but you need to be you.
There was one thing you said that really struck me to the quick, You said "if that means I don't see my eldest daughter again then that's the cost of this transition." I too have a daughter. My only living child. She's married and has five children herself. 2 boys and 3 girls. The youngest girl I've only seen a few times. I love my daughter and my grand kids.
Like you I told my therapist much the same thing as you said when he asked what if? I really thought I could handle it if my daughter could not accept me a transgender woman. Before I told her and her husband I told them that if they could not accept me after what I had to tell them I would go out to my car and left if that is what they wanted. And I proceeded to tell them. My son in law didn't seem to mind but my daughter told me she thought I was wrong. She thought my past poor behaviors, my cross dressing, my drug abuse, alcoholism and now my thinking I was trans was just symptoms of some deeply buried traumatic event in my childhood that had not been resolved. But she knew that if I would just give myself to God he could fix me. In a strange way she was right about something deeply buried causing my past issues. There was something.. it is called gender dysphoria. And I am not broke so I cannot be fixed.
Anyway they said they needed time to consider just what they thought of my news and I left in the morning. That was the last time I saw my daughter and my grand children. It became apparent I was no longer welcome there by their public condemnation of me on Facebook and blaming me for several things that were not the way she expressed them. All this in a public forum for all their friends and our mutual friends to see. It's called character assassination and they are good at it. There was no point in rebutting any of it.
They are lost to me. The whole family. I am no longer part of their life. I thought I could handle it. I thought I was willing to pay that cost to be able to be myself. I was wrong. Not only was thing the beginning of a depression but it brought up stuffed away issues from my last depression from over 20 years ago where I got divorced and other hard to take events. It brought out issues I've had all my life and I wanted to die. It's all here in my thread. Had not not listened to some of the people here I would probably be in a forest with my head blown off. But I did listen and I told my therapist how I was feeling and what I was thinking and I got on an antidepressant and now I am feel better. It is too recent to be feeling safe but I'm better. I am still alive and not thinking of that forest now.
Losing your family is going to be hard K. Take my word for it. I did okay for awhile but it got to me. Make sure you have a life line out hun. You may just need one.
Hugs,
Laurie
What choice do I have? What my wife and daughter want are untenable. I can't live as they want me to. My choice would be to end it because there is no going back. I don't want to hurt them, but I don't want to miserable at best, or dead at worst. The cost is high, I should have done this years ago when I was younger but I did not. If I have to I will strike out on my own. My immediate family will condemn it, my sister will hate it. I'll support the family financially as I can, but at the end of the day this hostility and aggression MUST end. Its at the point I find excuses not to come home and even then communicate as little as possible with anyone save my youngest.
I'll lose the house, my family, but I gain clarity - something I have never had. There is no other path for me but the one I walk. I wish I could choose not to, but I can't because it is me. Always has been, and always will be. I look at pictures of me from 4-5 years ago and see a stranger I no longer wish to know. They want him back. He is gone. He never really existed other than as a mask to keep the world at bay.
However, we are still in the same house, today things are okish.... the day could be far worse! I also bought myself my first skirt today. Promptly discovered I want to lose at least 15 pounds before I wear it anywhere, but, I did that with some other clothes that I wear a lot now and 15 pounds lighter is at most 4 weeks away. :)
On the bad news front since I keep losing weight a lot of the kamis and other small clothes I purchased are no longer fit for purpose. Jeans are getting too big as well. Losing weight is good and bad at the same time!
Your story sounds surprisingly similar to mine in a lot of ways. I talked with my wife last night and really got serious into it. I disclosed that I had contemplated ending it all. She wants Doug back and I can't tolerate him being back.
We have come to a realization and an agreeent that we are starting over again as best friends, girlfriends and companions. I am asexual and she is not interested in sex so we are a good fit. Rather than divorce and all that goes with it we are going to redefine what our marriage is. I only hope that you are able to find an amicable solution in your situation as well. I am getting some great help and advise from way counselor and she from hers and this really started our turn around.
💕💗 Donna 💕💗
Today was... interesting. One of the student's parents saw me, but didn't recognize me for at least 4 minutes. :) Then She blinked and said "so that's why you were losing weight last year" and that was that.
Me today. I like my $2 op shop blouse.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3i1XPm
The semi transparent material is quite fun to play with in terms of layering under it.
Couldn't have had a better start to the day. 97.6kg (215 pounds 5 from the goal) and, I noticed that after 24 hours (ie before my morning shave) I COULD NOT SEE any facial hair in bright light. In fact, concealer makes it worse. The battle of the facial hair is almost won. I just need to keep to going so I don't feel it either. I also think that the goal of 210 pounds is good, yes there will be a slight amount of belly fat, but, my shoulders and my hips are the same width at this point and I like that. lose much more and that will be gone. Should get down to about 46-35-46 and while not perfect its pretty good.
Experimented today. Mens clothes, not overly fitting, no makeup. Go into one shop don't think about voice, get sir. Think about voice in another shop, get ma'am. Its that I need to focus on next.
Well I had to move my classroom yesterday. I discovered something I had expected.. but perhaps not to the degree it has happened. Even 4 months ago I could carry a desk easily alone. Not so anymore. I had to go get some help. Oh well, there is a cost for everything.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 02, 2018, 10:13:38 PM
Well I had to move my classroom yesterday. I discovered something I had expected.. but perhaps not to the degree it has happened. Even 4 months ago I could carry a desk easily alone. Not so anymore. I had to go get some help. Oh well, there is a cost for everything.
@ krobinson103:
I fully understand your dilemma about strength seemingly leaving us as we transition. Before I started my 2nd year of HRT I really became quite aware of my own loss of muscle and bulk... I love working on my car but then I started having difficulty loosening very tight bolts and lifting and positioning fairly heavy parts.... Now after 3 years of HRT, and living full time for 16 months, it is certain that my car repair abilities are quite challenging now... especially with more loss of muscle and bulk, and with longer nails and my long hair that gets in the way. I also have difficulty, like many others here have mentioned, with opening jars lids and other simple tasks that require the strength that I once had... and that I no longer have.
Well, in collusion, I will tell you, it is all worth the trade-off... I am enjoying myself as a woman who is accepted by virtually everyone I now meet. I trust that you will find final success with your transition.
I much enjoy reading your frequent updates and following your transition... I am trusting that can solve your home issues with your family and that a reasonable compromise can be achieved... I am rooting for you.
Please keep the updates coming.
Best Wishes,
Aspiringperson
Quote from: Aspiringperson on March 02, 2018, 10:43:51 PM
@ krobinson103:
I fully understand your dilemma about strength seemingly leaving us as we transition. Before I started my 2nd year of HRT I really became quite aware of my own loss of muscle and bulk... I love working on my car but then I started having difficulty loosening very tight bolts and lifting and positioning fairly heavy parts.... Now after 3 years of HRT, and living full time for 16 months, it is certain that my car repair abilities are quite challenging now... especially with more loss of muscle and bulk, and with longer nails and my long hair that gets in the way. I also have difficulty, like many others here have mentioned, with opening jars lids and other simple tasks that require the strength that I once had... and that I no longer have.
Well, in collusion, I will tell you, it is all worth the trade-off... I am enjoying myself as a woman who is accepted by virtually everyone I now meet. I trust that you will find final success with your transition.
I much enjoy reading your frequent updates and following your transition... I am trusting that can solve your home issues with your family and that a reasonable compromise can be achieved... I am rooting for you.
Please keep the updates coming.
Best Wishes,
Aspiringperson
I love the loss of bulk etc. I've always been big, strong, rather hairy, and err.. male. I enjoy not being any of those things. I can't have longer nails because I do a lot of hands on feeding, changing etc but my hair is doing quite well in getting longer. I suppose I put updates here so that I can go back and reflect on the fact that I've gotten past many obstacles and all those things that seemed impossible not so long ago are in fact not difficult at all. Also I've read the journeys of others here and found motivation to continue. If anyone can draw strength from this rather lengthy narrative I'm happy to share those issues.
As for updates. I've decided on the new challenge. Jewelry! Some on the way so I can wear it next week. :) Lately I've been feeling... under decorated with the low necklines etc.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/7v7KQt
That little girl forced to be a boy by bad timing is almost free. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 03, 2018, 11:58:57 AM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/7v7KQt
That little girl forced to be a boy by bad timing is almost free. :)
You are LOOKING GOOD ........ thanks for sharing your pics
Well that was successful. Playing airsoft fem. I got a range of responses. Mostly indifferent. Some teen boy with a compliment for my finger nails had to give him a response there... very forward for a 13 year old! A "give it to her um him (shouting and fem voice is hard for me), and a few interesting names from people I don't know, pretty one of them... I'd take offense but it proves a point. Its NOT my body that gives me away its facial hair at the end of the day and voice (airsoft involves wearing a mask)
A good start to the day. 213 pounds yes, just three pounds off the initial goal and my bra is too small! This makes me a happy camper. Grow babies grow! and... I was right 39-45. That means my frame size has reduced a little and breasts have grown in the last 3 weeks since I last measured.
Lol, I got pulled up by the fashion police at work for being TOO curvy today. Fortunately I had a looser top as I suspected that might happen. :) What it does prove is that there is no mistaking me for man now! That is good. That is VERY good.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 04, 2018, 11:49:34 AM
A good start to the day. 213 pounds yes, just three pounds off the initial goal and my bra is too small! This makes me a happy camper. Grow babies grow! and... I was right 39-45. That means my frame size has reduced a little and breasts have grown in the last 3 weeks since I last measured.
Krobinson103: this is a very good report... congrats to you for working so hard on your weight loss and seeing that the HRT is doing it's intended job with your body. Keep the good reports coming!
Aspiringperson
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 04, 2018, 08:31:58 PM
Lol, I got pulled up by the fashion police at work for being TOO curvy today. Fortunately I had a looser top as I suspected that might happen. :) What it does prove is that there is no mistaking me for man now! That is good. That is VERY good.
Krobinson103: yes... very, very good indeed
Aspiringperson
Its best not to internalize bad feelings. Thus, I shall put them down here in the hope that reading them may suggest an option. The atmosphere at home is polarized. Its 'us' and me. 'us' hates everything I do. Today I got an interesting comment.
"You caused all this..."
True, but only because I had no choice if I wished to remain sane or even alive. How then can it classified as a choice at all? Of course I choose life. Life takes me away from my family and yet I have no choice but to transition because it is unstoppable and in the end the right thing to do.
I'm sick of being told 'you can't do this, men don't do this, men should...' I am not, and never have been a man. The decision becomes clearer and clearer that perhaps the only way forward now is to ensure the family is supported and simply leave. Its clear that I can never be happy living here, and they will never be happy with me.
If a choice is forced upon me then there really is no choice. I will go on alone and they can keep their snipes,, and condemnation and suggestions I should be feel guilty and ashamed. For what? For being born in the wrong body? For not wanting to live with self loathing forever?
I've said it before and I'll say it again, no sane person would EVER choose to be trans. No sane person would say 'well I really want to suffer from dysporia for my whole life, it sounds like fun!' No sane person would want to look in the mirror and say EVERYDAY "I hate what I see."
The statement "you choose to do this" is true only in the fact that it was necessary to want to continue living at all. Being trans sucks some days. But, if I must I will make that hard decision and tomorrow WILL be a good day... for all of us.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 05, 2018, 01:11:52 AM
Its best not to internalize bad feelings. Thus, I shall put them down here in the hope that reading them may suggest an option. The atmosphere at home is polarized. Its 'us' and me. 'us' hates everything I do. Today I got an interesting comment.
"You caused all this..."
True, but only because I had no choice if I wished to remain sane or even alive. How then can it classified as a choice at all? Of course I choose life. Life takes me away from my family and yet I have no choice but to transition because it is unstoppable and in the end the right thing to do.
I'm sick of being told 'you can't do this, men don't do this, men should...' I am not, and never have been a man. The decision becomes clearer and clearer that perhaps the only way forward now is to ensure the family is supported and simply leave. Its clear that I can never be happy living here, and they will never be happy with me.
If a choice is forced upon me then there really is no choice. I will go on alone and they can keep their snipes,, and condemnation and suggestions I should be feel guilty and ashamed. For what? For being born in the wrong body? For not wanting to live with self loathing forever?
I've said it before and I'll say it again, no sane person would EVER choose to be trans. No sane person would say 'well I really want to suffer from dysporia for my whole life, it sounds like fun!' No sane person would want to look in the mirror and say EVERYDAY "I hate what I see."
The statement "you choose to do this" is true only in the fact that it was necessary to want to continue living at all. Being trans sucks some days. But, if I must I will make that hard decision and tomorrow WILL be a good day... for all of us.
I'm sorry you're going through this with family. I know how hard it is to not feel embraced when you share your most vulnerable side and how much more lonely that can make anyone feel... I liked what you said at the end because you're taking charge of your life. Everything that doesn't lead you closer to your goals is just background noise isn't it?
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Today I asked the people whom work closest to me to stop using 'he' they agreed. Its started to bother me lately. I forgot to take my e this morning. A bit grumpy at first, but otherwise good till I got home. No breast pain for a change was actually quite good. I forgot what it feels like for them NOT to hurt. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 06, 2018, 09:12:03 PM
Today I asked the people whom work closest to me to stop using 'he' they agreed. Its started to bother me lately. I forgot to take my e this morning. A bit grumpy at first, but otherwise good till I got home. No breast pain for a change was actually quite good. I forgot what it feels like for them NOT to hurt. :)
@ krobinson103: Wow, a bold move and the proper thing to do.... kudos to you. Breast pain can just about be a normal thing for a couple years, at least it was for me. The good news is that breast pain indicates something good is happening there!!!
Please keep your updates coming... I much enjoy reading about your trials, tribulations and successes.
Aspiringperson
Interesting. Its always been my theory that my success at losing weight is due to HRT being an appetite suppressant. This was proved yesterday when I missed a dose and I wanted to eat twice as much, including things I won't usually touch - they are repulsive (processed sugar and carbs).
Relatively event free week so far. Work is upside down and inside out, but that's pretty usual! My HRT doctor was a locum so he is leaving meaning I have to meet a new Doctor next week. Its a pity because I liked the old fellow. Headed off for the third round of blood tests this morning. I feel great so I suspect it will be the usual... healthy for my age. Weight loss has stalled this week. Not gaining, not losing despite my best efforts. If it follows the pattern there will be 1-2 pound drop all of a sudden in the next week or so. -5.6kg overall for the month though so progress is being made.
I'm going to ask about the requirements for an orchie at this meeting coming up. As other stuff changes the unneeded bits look... wrong! SRS would be at least two years away according to local requirements and I want the source of t gone long before that.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 08, 2018, 10:04:37 AM
Relatively event free week so far. Work is upside down and inside out, but that's pretty usual! My HRT doctor was a locum so he is leaving meaning I have to meet a new Doctor next week. Its a pity because I liked the old fellow. Headed off for the third round of blood tests this morning. I feel great so I suspect it will be the usual... healthy for my age. Weight loss has stalled this week. Not gaining, not losing despite my best efforts. If it follows the pattern there will be 1-2 pound drop all of a sudden in the next week or so. -5.6kg overall for the month though so progress is being made.
I'm going to ask about the requirements for an orchie at this meeting coming up. As other stuff changes the unneeded bits look... wrong! SRS would be at least two years away according to local requirements and I want the source of t gone long before that.
@
krobinson103: I hate changing doctors, especially in the middle of a treatment regimen but perhaps you will the new doctor better???
...When I lost a bunch of weight I also hit plateaus .. just like a brick wall. Don't get discouraged, keep on your diet and perhaps plan some additional exercising to get back to losing weight.
It is always nice to read your updates...
Best Wishes,
Aspiringperson
Five months ago I felt a little like Churchill in 1940 after Dunkirk. "We shall fight them on the face, on the chest and the arms, we shall reshape this body, we shall remove that fat, we shall NEVER surrender!"
Well today, five months later I can report that;
The battle of the body/pubic hair is all but won.
The armies of the leg and arm hair are on the way to surrender.
The battle of the upper lip and chin are almost done with a massacre of the follicles
The battle of the under chin and cheeks is turning my way.
The fat is almost all gone. JUST 3-4 pounds left to defeat.
The body is definitely on the way to the way it should be.
The hair is growing faster and healthier
Most people gender or at least accept me as female
I've learned the basics of nail and makeup
I'm 90% of the way to living full time (only home is an issue now)
and my mental state is 1000 times better than it was. I can say that the tide has turned and soon, I can say, that what seemed impossible is NOT.
Bring on the future!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 09, 2018, 12:32:14 PM
Five months ago I felt a little like Churchill in 1940 after Dunkirk. "We shall fight them on the face, on the chest and the arms, we shall reshape this body, we shall remove that fat, we shall NEVER surrender!"
Well today, five months later I can report that;
The battle of the body/pubic hair is all but won.
The armies of the leg and arm hair are on the way to surrender.
The battle of the upper lip and chin are almost done with a massacre of the follicles
The battle of the under chin and cheeks is turning my way.
The fat is almost all gone. JUST 3-4 pounds left to defeat.
The body is definitely on the way to the way it should be.
The hair is growing faster and healthier
Most people gender or at least accept me as female
I've learned the basics of nail and makeup
I'm 90% of the way to living full time (only home is an issue now)
and my mental state is 1000 times better than it was. I can say that the tide has turned and soon, I can say, that what seemed impossible is NOT.
Bring on the future!
@
krobinson103: Well !!! This is terrific news, congratulations on winning so many battles with your transition journey so far.... especially the weight loss, that can be a big struggle for lots of people, it is definitely hard work, determination and sheer willpower to accomplish the results that you have written about.
Regarding your comment about
"(only home is an issue now)" ... from your commentary in your past postings and testimonial from other transgenders including myself and my dealings with my family, that could be the most difficult problem to get a grip on and come to a satisfactory conclusion or at least a amenable compromise.
There is an old saying that is so true...
"If life doesn't deal you enough problems you can always count on your own family"I am wishing you well and wishing you continued success in your transition journey.
Keep the updates coming! :)
Aspiringperson
Well I'm almost convinced that 210 pounds is the right weight to stop at.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/31B19Z
Anymore and I'll start to get skinny again.
OMG, Wouldn't want that now would we ?
Quote from: Cassi on March 09, 2018, 04:03:25 PM
OMG, Wouldn't want that now would we ?
Lol. I've been on the edge of too skinny. I look like a walking skeleton and that was at around 190 pounds! So I'm getting pretty close to the right number now.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 09, 2018, 04:40:33 PM
Lol. I've been on the edge of too skinny. I look like a walking skeleton and that was at around 190 pounds! So I'm getting pretty close to the right number now.
Ok. Just be healthy!
This morning after shaving there was zero shadow visible. No need for makeup at all, except I know that it will grow back fairly fast still so a bit of blush and powder will be necessary to keep it at bay all day. :) In addition I'm 96kg now which means the goal is a mere 1kg away.
Had a long chat with the wife last night about the fact that since she no longer accepts me as her husband she can no longer have the same expectations. Yes, we must live in the same house, yes we must co parent the children but she has no right to tell me what to do or lay down limitations. Burned a few bridges there but it was nessecary.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/330brm
No all day shadow! Hooray
Congratulations on your progress.
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 10, 2018, 01:56:44 PM
This morning after shaving there was zero shadow visible. No need for makeup at all, except I know that it will grow back fairly fast still so a bit of blush and powder will be necessary to keep it at bay all day. :) In addition I'm 96kg now which means the goal is a mere 1kg away.
Had a long chat with the wife last night about the fact that since she no longer accepts me as her husband she can no longer have the same expectations. Yes, we must live in the same house, yes we must co parent the children but she has no right to tell me what to do or lay down limitations. Burned a few bridges there but it was nessecary.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/330brm
No all day shadow! Hooray
@ krobinson103: nice photo.... very nice progress on the face hair.
wow.... only 1 kg to go.... as I stated before, it takes a lot of hard work, willpower and determination to lose the weight that you have.
hmmmm, I feel for you regarding your home relationships... probably the toughest part of transitioning for many transgenders.
As always, wishing you the best!
Danielle ...
formerly Aspiringperson
Ha! I got the cashier at the supermarket to actually gender me right without makeup and wearing a black (well tight) t shirt. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 10, 2018, 05:26:30 PM
Ha! I got the cashier at the supermarket to actually gender me right without makeup and wearing a black (well tight) t shirt. :)
@ krobinson103:I trust that your day is going well today...
Job? Dressing full-time there???
Home? Dressing? How is the situation with family going??? I am hoping that all is OK there.
Please keep your updates coming....
Danielle ...
previously Aspiringperson
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 12, 2018, 10:09:31 AM
@ krobinson103:
I trust that your day is going well today...
Job? Dressing full-time there???
Home? Dressing? How is the situation with family going??? I am hoping that all is OK there.
Please keep your updates coming....
Danielle ... previously Aspiringperson
Nothing to report really. No changes since last time except my tests came in clean. :) Appointment with a new doc on Wednesday. Full time at work and in the community. Clothes are good. Going semi transparent today and playing with layering. Family. We have a truce. Thats about as good it gets here.
Yay! I was sitting at a table at work with three women. One of my co-workers rolls in and asks "can I sit with you ladies?" Note no mention of any gentlemen.. :)
On other fronts bloods came in. Cholestrol is on the improvement with drop from 5.6 to 5.5 and ldl coming moving from 0.99 to 1.3 and hdl moving from 3.9 to 3.7 (still a tad high less than 3.4 being ideal) brings my ldl/hdl ratio into the normal range! Got a peak in liver function but I suspect thats because it was 25 mins after meds. Won't do that next time.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 10, 2018, 05:26:30 PM
Ha! I got the cashier at the supermarket to actually gender me right without makeup and wearing a black (well tight) t shirt. :)
That's great. I know how you feel. Costco would not take my card on the weekend until I showed them my drivers license had the same name and picture on it. Wasn't taking my hair off at the till.
Quote from: Donna on March 13, 2018, 06:49:23 PM
That's great. I know how you feel. Costco would not take my card on the weekend until I showed them my drivers license had the same name and picture on it. Wasn't taking my hair off at the till.
You have Costcos in the frozen tundra?
Quote from: Cassi on March 13, 2018, 06:50:38 PM
You have Costcos in the frozen tundra?
Lol. Too funny. Helps keep the ice cream frozen.
Quote from: Donna on March 13, 2018, 06:53:23 PM
Lol. Too funny. Helps keep the ice cream frozen.
Oh, that makes sense!
And they have a larger freezer section and selection too?
Quote from: Cassi on March 13, 2018, 06:54:29 PM
Oh, that makes sense!
And they have a larger freezer section and selection too?
Who needs a freezer? Just put up a chain link fence and keep it all outside!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 13, 2018, 07:02:42 PM
Who needs a freezer? Just put up a chain link fence and keep it all outside!
@ krobinson103: That is exactly what we sometimes do up here in Alaska.... BUT the Bears and other critters will get into it if it is not in a secure metal box... not just an ice chest that they can easily break open.
Danielle
That's the truth Danielle. I have a metal ice chest with bear claw and teeth marks from a camping trip. It got it open and ate everything. Lol
Quote from: Donna on March 13, 2018, 09:08:31 PM
That's the truth Danielle. I have a metal ice chest with bear claw and teeth marks from a camping trip. It got it open and ate everything. Lol
Yikes that's scary...
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Quote from: Allison S on March 14, 2018, 12:16:39 AM
Yikes that's scary...
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
@ Allison: A lot of us that live where I do put some of our cold storage food outside in sturdy metal boxes with child-proof / bear proof latches on them.... and we have to anchor them to the ground so they can't tossed around by the critters trying to get what is inside.... of course, we can only do this in the winter.
Danielle
QuoteCostco would not take my card on the weekend until I showed them my drivers license had the same name and picture on it.
Costco can be quite the pain about that sometimes. I get protecting membership privileges etc but sometimes they get a little extreme.
Quote
I have a metal ice chest with bear claw and teeth marks from a camping trip.
Bears, pumas, even 'lil raccoons. We've fed many of those critters on camping trips. LOL When I see commercials for "bear-proof" coolers I chuckle. Where there's a bear...there's a way.
Well, yesterday was my definition of a good day. I had my appointment with the new Doctor. She is personable and was willing to double both spiro and estradiol along with only wanting a blood test in a year! So the dose is now in line with what I wanted. We discussed an orchie and She has added a diagnosis of gender identity disorder to my records which will help, now I need to find a physiologist and get a few sessions down so I can get my second diagnosis. With those I can then find a surgeon. :) Health wise everything is getting better each appointment.
Transition wise my wife has settled somewhat and now has some acceptance and is even willing to discuss surgeries. Body is tracking along nicely and my weight has dropped to 211 pounds. Looking at mirror I think 208 will be just right. So almost there! Size 16 is now a slightly loose fit, I think I may even manage 14 if I really wanted to. Breasts keep getting bigger and my waist and frame are reducing nicely. Last week I measured 46 36 44 at six foot two I look female just tall and thin which is actually the best outcome for me anyway. Hopefully time might help a bit more there. Facial hair is waving the white flag and reducing at a good pace. Socially I feel more like a women and less like an imposter and don't have any anxiety presenting full time. I'm getting the gist of makeup and fashion now if the compliments are anything to go by.
So now the bucket list includes
Earrings
Orchie
SRS in the future
Finally kill the facial hair to the point I don't need to shave for 2-3 days at a time with no visible shadow
Grow my hair to twice its current length.
Hopefully at some point get past the current c cup and land on d.
Give me another six months and most of the things I wanted to achieve will be achieved.
Today is a very good day. I can see the future path and it is bright.
Quote from: Allison S on March 14, 2018, 12:16:39 AM
Yikes that's scary...
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Big Foot
snipped: Quote from: krobinson103 on March 14, 2018, 01:25:09 PM
Well, yesterday was my definition of a good day. I had my appointment with the new Doctor. She is personable and was willing to double both spiro and estradiol along with only wanting a blood test in a year! So the dose is now in line with what I wanted. We discussed an orchie and She has added a diagnosis of gender identity disorder to my records which will help, now I need to find a physiologist and get a few sessions down so I can get my second diagnosis. With those I can then find a surgeon. :) Health wise everything is getting better each appointment.
Transition wise my wife has settled somewhat and now has some acceptance and is even willing to discuss surgeries. Body is tracking along nicely and my weight has dropped to 211 pounds. Looking at mirror I think 208 will be just right. So almost there! Size 16 is now a slightly loose fit, I think I may even manage 14 if I really wanted to. Breasts keep getting bigger and my waist and frame are reducing nicely. Last week I measured 46 36 44 at six foot two I look female just tall and thin which is actually the best outcome for me anyway. Hopefully time might help a bit more there. Facial hair is waving the white flag and reducing at a good pace. Socially I feel more like a women and less like an imposter and don't have any anxiety presenting full time. I'm getting the gist of makeup and fashion now if the compliments are anything to go by.
So now the bucket list includes
Earrings
Orchie
SRS in the future
Finally kill the facial hair to the point I don't need to shave for 2-3 days at a time with no visible shadow
Grow my hair to twice its current length.
Hopefully at some point get past the current c cup and land on d.
Give me another six months and most of the things I wanted to achieve will be achieved.
Today is a very good day. I can see the future path and it is bright.
@ krobinson103: Wow, this is really a very good report and update. :)
I am very happy for you.
Danielle
when i came out i made the promise to never wear male clothes ever again.
its so damn worth it.
best of luck!
Quote from: somme_girl on March 15, 2018, 05:58:35 PM
when i came out i made the promise to never wear male clothes ever again.
its so damn worth it.
best of luck!
What kind of clothes?
Today was interesting and rather sad. Our cat got run over. RIP Peter the Cat. :( The outcome however is that I can actually cry now. I didn't even cry at my Mothers funeral. However, this entry isn't about Peter so on we go.
I had some important parent teacher meetings with people who have known me for a number of years now, but don't know about my transition. I basically threw a shirt on over my feminine t shirt to just be safe in terms of no surprises at this particular meeting. No issues and the meetings went well. One of the parents liked my pink t and pink mouse. :)
I had to go home and sort out the dead cat issues, so I dropped by my daughters school and had to identify myself as their Father clearly looking like a women. Again, there were no issues other than me being annoyed at having to out myself!
Then, I went to the supermarket cosmetic shopping adding a top that hides not very much, and again no strangeness at all. People just accept me as a women. Even the old dude behind me couldn't tell. :) Picking up my child at school I was able to interact with women as a member of the 'club' and I'm sure I saw one man looking at me in an... interesting way. So I looked right back into his eyes and sure enough he looked away pretty fast. I'm pretty sure I know what he was thinking! I was actually thinking myself that he wasn't half bad to look at.
Quite a day...
I've made fairly big decision. Since I got one gender identity disorder diagnosis I have contacted a psychologist for an appointment to get another. I a setting a time line of one year as a goal for getting an orchie done and dusted. At that point I consider myself 'done' in terms of surgeries. I don't want FFS or SRS as I pass pretty well as is and I don't feel I need a vagina.
This new dose must be effective. My breasts hurt 24/7 now.
Congratulations on the decision!
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 17, 2018, 12:40:49 PM
Congratulations on the decision!
Thanks the next steps have been on mind for a while lately. On other fronts one part of my transition plan is now complete. I have reached my target weight of 210 pounds and I have to say that while there might be room for a 2-3 pound drop I feel and (in my opinion) look great! the numbers still point to 'overweight' but that's always been the case for me transition or no.
This afternoon I had an interesting encounter. Out shopping at a discount store. I was dressed feminine but not overly so. We see this odd looking fellow. He tries to talk to my 11 year old daughter... this isn't on! So I say I'm her Dad she is 11 lay off. He backs off then says there is no way you are old enough to be the father of this child. I say I most certainly am and despite how old she may look she is 11.
Then he looks at me and says you know you look a little .... at which point I stare him right in the eye. He looks at me properly, then says oh yeah, I get it and goes away. Apart from the creepy aspect of a 40 year old stranger talking to an 11 year old unsolicited I learned something.
I don't look my age, and I obviously don't look like a Dad anymore. This may cause some issues in the future...
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 18, 2018, 02:52:32 AM
This afternoon I had an interesting encounter. Out shopping at a discount store. I was dressed feminine but not overly so. We see this odd looking fellow. He tries to talk to my 11 year old daughter... this isn't on! So I say I'm her Dad she is 11 lay off. He backs off then says there is no way you are old enough to be the father of this child. I say I most certainly am and despite how old she may look she is 11.
Then he looks at me and says you know you look a little .... at which point I stare him right in the eye. He looks at me properly, then says oh yeah, I get it and goes away. Apart from the creepy aspect of a 40 year old stranger talking to an 11 year old unsolicited I learned something.
I don't look my age, and I obviously don't look like a Dad anymore. This may cause some issues in the future...
Ewww creepy person!
I'm still 'dad' to my kids. When I'm with them I tend to tone down the femme, but it's always casual female. Not a clue what others think when they call me dad, and frankly I don't care [emoji16]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
That is very creepy. Glad you were close by to intervene. There are creeps out there.
Oh yeah! 94.8kg. We be UNDER the 'final' goal that seemed impossible. :p Still a tiny bit of flab left on my hips though so I think I'll push for 93.5kg and see what that gives me. I also think I'm getting really close to a 33-34 inch waist as some of my old 36 inch shorts are at least 3 inches too big now. :) That means I can get 46-34-44 which is enough of a difference to be obvious. YAY!
Though, if I get much lighter I'm dropping fat from my upper body and breasts which I definitely don't want to do so the end of the weight loss journey is close now. I think there will be a tiny bit of a belly fat left but not enough to really matter.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 19, 2018, 03:00:19 PM
Oh yeah! 94.8kg. We be UNDER the 'final' goal that seemed impossible. :p Still a tiny bit of flab left on my hips though so I think I'll push for 93.5kg and see what that gives me. I also think I'm getting really close to a 33-34 inch waist as some of my old 36 inch shorts are at least 3 inches too big now. :) That means I can get 46-34-44 which is enough of a difference to be obvious. YAY!
Though, if I get much lighter I'm dropping fat from my upper body and breasts which I definitely don't want to do so the end of the weight loss journey is close now. I think there will be a tiny bit of a belly fat left but not enough to really matter.
Krobinson: A terrifically great report. It is very hard work and determination to get to where you are now. Oh yeah, you don't want to drop too much more and lose those curves that you have worked so hard to get.
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 19, 2018, 03:06:57 PM
Krobinson: A terrifically great report. It is very hard work and determination to get to where you are now. Oh yeah, you don't want to drop too much more and lose those curves that you have worked so hard to get.
Danielle
Thanks for the comments in that other thread though I don't think I'm all that inspirational. What I am doing isn't brave or exceptional its a necessity if I wish to get on with my life. I've always faced the issues that come up and dealt with them in the best way that I can. I find that unfailing optimism (even if you do have doubts) creates the possibility of success and you can build on that.
Is transition scary? Not anymore. It was. But, fear is only the impetus for change. If we harness our fears they become strengths and not weaknesses. I'm just an ordinary person doing what I must to stay sane. :)
The peace treaty was too good to last. Another fight, this time the truth came out. My wife feels like I 'lied' to her 15 years ago. If I did I was also lying to myself in the hope I might just be able to be what society expects. In a sense that man was a lie for the all the years I hid behind him.
Yet, he is also me because of him I'm where I'm at today able to transition. The photos of me and my wife have all been put away now and in a sense I am glad because when I look back I see someone who was struggling against an unbeatable adversary. Herself.
Of course this becomes an issue for the family because they built their house of cards on a foundation that was anything but stable. I can understand that in their eyes I will always be 'him' but I can't live with expectation that I somehow revert to that in the house. It would drive me insane.
The last two family outings have been pure hell. Somehow I try to give them someone they want but that person is gone forever. A few weeks ago we had a discussion. Her 'husband' is gone. In a very real way he is dead. Yet, a better version of him lives on. I said to her if that if she no longer considers me to her husband she has no right to expect me to play happy families with that discarded mask.
Tonight She suggested a combined family outing with her friends, of which I know she has said she is embarrassed to share this knowledge with. Happily I have lots if paperwork to do that negates the possibility of going. There has been an ultimatum. Come with me on this trip or its over. The thing is its already over.
A few bridges have been burnt tonight. Nothing unexpected but I suspect that there is a good chance that when She goes to Korea in 3 weeks She won't be back. It makes me sad for the kids, but, for me? I can't take this charade any longer but don't have the resources or the courage to end it.
I got an interesting lecture about 'choosing' this path. I wish I had! This was no choice, this was necessity driven by the sure knowledge that if I didn't I'd go mad. If I had a choice would I choose to be trans? Not a chance! Why go through all this for the fun of it? Am I being selfish? I suppose I am for the first time in 30 years. If that is a crime let it be, because I don't want to crazy or end myself...
Being trans sucks, but today is still a better day than yesterday regardless of the cost.
@ Krobinson: So sorry to hear about your apparently deteriorating family situation. In the back of your mind I suppose you have been concerned about a negative outcome to your transition. But, hang in there, it's not over until it is over.... for the sake of all of your family (and not just your wife), hang in there and try your best to make things works out.
Regarding the upcoming "combined family outing with her friends" that you are planning to skip... my thought might be to go to the outing with self-confidence... you already know that your wife said she is embarrassed in front of her friends, so if you skip the event you will just be confirming that in her mind and in her friend's minds....
... if you do go, there is a chance that her friends may not have negative feelings about you and that may influence your wife to improve her relationship with you. A slim chance is better than no chance.
IMPORTANT..... you obviously must do what you think is best for everyone... I am just thinking out loud and rambling with my thought process.
Now, for a change of subject: Today is the FIRST DAY of SPRING.... a time for new life.
..... "time for new life"....Perhaps that is a good sign for all of those that are transitioning.
I would never know it was now Spring here... last night it got down to 4 deg F, now this morning it is 19 deg F and snowing, and later today it is suppose to go up to 26 deg F. (A heat wave here. LOL) I am definitely not breaking out my warmer clothes yet. Today I am wearing my newest and warmest Red Winter Coat as shown in my Avatar photo..... along with boots, gloves, warm hat, etc.
What is the weather situation for the First Day of Spring where you live? ???
Concluding my reply here, I trust that you can handle this delicate situation with your family and come up with an acceptable plan or compromise. I am looking forward to your next update... hopefully with better news about your family situation.
Best wishes as always,
Danielle
We're the opposite here. Moving into autumn still warm enough for short sleeves in Auckland though. Thanks for the perspective. I'm just not sure this a fight worth fighting anymore. Transition will happen and nothing - not even the family falling apart will stop that now. She has suggested family counseling so that may hold out some hope. If not I will distance myself from the whole sorry mess and we'll have to sort out something in terms of the kids.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 20, 2018, 02:19:35 PM
We're the opposite here. Moving into autumn still warm enough for short sleeves in Auckland though. Thanks for the perspective. I'm just not sure this a fight worth fighting anymore. Transition will happen and nothing - not even the family falling apart will stop that now. She has suggested family counseling so that may hold out some hope. If not I will distance myself from the whole sorry mess and we'll have to sort out something in terms of the kids.
Thank you and Sonja for the "Seekers"
On loneliness and obligations.
I have to be a Father to my Children. How do you do that when you don't actually look or feel like a Father? I love my kids and would do just about anything for them, but the more I transition the further away I get. My marriage was a bit of sham for years anyway so that falling apart was expected. We stick in for the kids, but is it really better? Bitterness and conflict every 4-5 days along with tension that never ends. That can't be good for them.
My six year old is desperately trying to get us back to 'normal' and it breaks my heart to see it. Daddy is a man. All Daddies are men. Mine must be as well. Mummy and Daddy live in the same room and don't fight. Mummy and Daddy love each other, not dislike each other.
Any relations or caring between my wife and I are gone. We are cordial and polite. I don't want cordial and polite. I want someone who appreciates me for me and I feel isolated and lonely.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 20, 2018, 04:52:09 PM
On loneliness and obligations.
I have to be a Father to my Children. How do you do that when you don't actually look or feel like a Father? I love my kids and would do just about anything for them, but the more I transition the further away I get. My marriage was a bit of sham for years anyway so that falling apart was expected. We stick in for the kids, but is it really better? Bitterness and conflict every 4-5 days along with tension that never ends. That can't be good for them.
My six year old is desperately trying to get us back to 'normal' and it breaks my heart to see it. Daddy is a man. All Daddies are men. Mine must be as well. Mummy and Daddy live in the same room and don't fight. Mummy and Daddy love each other, not dislike each other.
Any relations or caring between my wife and I are gone. We are cordial and polite. I don't want cordial and polite. I want someone who appreciates me for me and I feel isolated and lonely.
Krobinson: Words are escaping me as to what to say. Reading your update report made me very, very sad and I have no words to offer you other than for you to continue to try your best to handle the situation and come to some kind of amicable compromise and might I suggest that if you can see a counselor, either alone or with your wife that would certainly help. I know from all of your posts that your family and kids are important to you... please don't give up.
Danielle
On other fronts...
I purchased a 16c (the shop went by dress size) underwire bra yesterday and, as i suspected I 90% fill it so the calculators are totally out. Actually having a bra that is the right size is way more comfortable! The fact that its a bit big allows for a pad or two to protect me from.. painful reminders that things are growing. Well that and looking a bit bigger can't hurt. :)
So, I think its not outside of the realms of possibility to naturally get to a d cup given time. At worst I will stop in the mid/high range of c and a padded bra will create the look I want.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 20, 2018, 07:21:52 PM
On other fronts...
I purchased a 16c (the shop went by dress size) underwire bra yesterday and, as i suspected I 90% fill it so the calculators are totally out. Actually having a bra that is the right size is way more comfortable! The fact that its a bit big allows for a pad or two to protect me from.. painful reminders that things are growing. Well that and looking a bit bigger can't hurt. :)
So, I think its not outside of the realms of possibility to naturally get to a d cup given time. At worst I will stop in the mid/high range of c and a padded bra will create the look I want.
You're making us "Twiggys" jealous! Good for you!
krobinson103, yes you getting to the size where the underwire style will give you more support and feel better overall. Just part of a larger frame girl.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 20, 2018, 04:52:09 PMWe stick in for the kids, but is it really better?
It is not always better. My parents stuck it out "for the kids". They shouldn't have. Parents splitting up is traumatic for kids at any age. But it is probably harder on them when it happens later, than if it happened sooner. I was 16 when my parents split up. I would have been fine with it at 12. Or 10.
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 21, 2018, 09:36:01 AM
It is not always better. My parents stuck it out "for the kids". They shouldn't have. Parents splitting up is traumatic for kids at any age. But it is probably harder on them when it happens later, than if it happened sooner. I was 16 when my parents split up. I would have been fine with it at 12. Or 10.
I agree with Kathy. Being raised in a home without love is worse.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3yD7h4
Well apart from needing some new shoes (I have no women's shoes atm) I think I feel pretty happy with physical progress.
Totally into your color scheme!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 21, 2018, 01:58:02 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3yD7h4
Well apart from needing some new shoes (I have no women's shoes atm) I think I feel pretty happy with physical progress.
krobinson:
I trust that things with your family are going OK today.
Hmmm,
women's shoes.... as you are aware there are so many more styles and colors to choose from as compared to men's shoes.
Men can usually get by with a pair of walking/sports shoes, a brown pair and a black pair of dress shoes.
Women... well look in your wife closet.... dozens if not more.
The good news for you in your continuing employment is that you can choose women's styles that are comfortable to have on your feet all day and if you are required to be in male-mode at times, there are women's styles that don't necessarily scream "women's shoes"... Then what is really neat, as your transition progresses and you might want to dress up to go out, you can really go nuts with strappy shoes and sandals, variety of heel height, lots of colors, etc, etc. and those shoes will indeed scream "women's shoes"
You have a fun time ahead of you....
Thanks for your update today... I look forward every day to following your progress with your transition.
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 21, 2018, 02:09:01 PM
krobinson:
I trust that things with your family are going OK today.
Hmmm, women's shoes.... as you are aware there are so many more styles and colors to choose from as compared to men's shoes.
Men can usually get by with a pair of walking/sports shoes, a brown pair and a black pair of dress shoes.
Women... well look in your wife closet.... dozens if not more.
The good news for you in your continuing employment is that you can choose women's styles that are comfortable to have on your feet all day and if you are required to be in male-mode at times, there are women's styles that don't necessarily scream "women's shoes"... Then what is really neat, as your transition progresses and you might want to dress up to go out, you can really go nuts with strappy shoes and sandals, variety of heel height, lots of colors, etc, etc. and those shoes will indeed scream "women's shoes"
You have a fun time ahead of you....
Thanks for your update today... I look forward every day to following your progress with your transition.
Danielle
Appy, do I detect a hint of the Marcos Syndrome in you?
Quote from: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 02:20:33 PM
Appy, do I detect a hint of the Marcos Syndrome in you?
Cassi: Yep... for sure. The shoe-bug bit me hard.
My closet is now over-flowing with shoes when I transitioned to Full-Time... all types, heel heights, styles, colors, etc.
Just 2 months ago in January I took a month long vacation, to a south of the equator place that was in their summer season, with a few of my cis-women friends that I regularly go to the gym with here at home.
First we did a 16 day cruise around
New Zealand and then spent 10 days in
Australia. I literally I had ONE suitcase that had mostly shoes in it.... a girl has to be prepared for all situations, ya know.
Note: Of course when we were in
Australia they had a heat wave... well over 95 degrees F many days there.... a few were over 100 deg F. When we got way north to
Cairns to go snorkeling at the
Great Barrier Reef, it was around 100+ degrees F and just about 100% humidity.... just about unbearable. It was a shock to my system get back home with the snow and ice. So, no more strappy sandals, tank tops, and shorts.... boots, long pants, sweaters, coats, gloves and hats were in order back home.
*** So, back to krobinson.... be prepared to buy lots of shoes as things progress!!!!
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 21, 2018, 02:47:54 PM
Cassi:
Yep... for sure. The shoe-bug bit me hard.
My closet is now over-flowing with shoes when I transitioned to Full-Time... all types, heel heights, styles, colors, etc.
Just 2 months ago in January I took a month long vacation, to a south of the equator place that was in their summer season, with a few of my cis-women friends that I regularly go to the gym with here at home.
First we did a 16 day cruise around New Zealand and then spent 10 days in Australia. I literally I had ONE suitcase that had mostly shoes in it.... a girl has to be prepared for all situations, ya know.
Note: Of course when we were in Australia they had a heat wave... well over 95 degrees F many days there.... a few were over 100 deg F. When we got way north to Cairns to go snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef, it was around 100+ degrees F and just about 100% humidity.... just about unbearable. It was a shock to my system get back home with the snow and ice. So, no more strappy sandals, tank tops, and shorts.... boots, long pants, sweaters, coats, gloves and hats were in order back home.
*** So, back to krobinson.... be prepared to buy lots of shoes as things progress!!!!
Danielle
So kewl, you World traveler! I hate humidity. There were things that I liked about Texas; cost of living being almost a 1/3rd less than California. My grand kids when I got to see them and Galveston! However, the humidity sucked big time. Bad enough with the humidity but the mosquitoes were terrible. If my arms do become smaller I'll still look like a reformed drug addict with all the bite marks.
As far as my shoes, I've been wearing for the most part fem tennis shoes, leather quarters and some sandals. My daughter has "appropriated" my knee boots. But summer is coming.
Well today I took a risk and wore a tunic and jeans to work. All the feedback was overwhelmingly positive. That is good news in itself but,
I looked at my reflection in a window. I saw a tall slim women with subtle but nice curves, decent sized breasts, shoulder length hair. I thought. "She looks attractive" Then I thought... "but she is me". It hit me at that moment that the person on the inside for 30 years is on the outside and I really like how She looks. In fact I get to be her. That has been my earnest wish forever.
I am finally... me. The nightmare is over. This is an amazing thing.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 21, 2018, 10:54:01 PM
Well today I took a risk and wore a tunic and jeans to work. All the feedback was overwhelmingly positive. That is good news in itself but,
I looked at my reflection in a window. I saw a tall slim women with subtle but nice curves, decent sized breasts, shoulder length hair. I thought. "She looks attractive" Then I thought... "but she is me". It hit me at that moment that the person on the inside for 30 years is on the outside and I really like how She looks. In fact I get to be her. That has been my earnest wish forever.
I am finally... me. The nightmare is over. This is an amazing thing.
@ krobinson: Well, congratulations on your "coming out" at work. I am so happy that you received positive feedback.
I tried to enlarge your Avatar-profile picture so I could see the new you a little better.... Perhaps sometime in the future you could post a larger image for all of us to enjoy!!!!
Again, I am so happy for you, and congratulations are in order.
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 22, 2018, 12:07:10 AM
@ krobinson: Well, congratulations on your "coming out" at work. I am so happy that you received positive feedback.
I tried to enlarge your Avatar-profile picture so I could see the new you a little better.... Perhaps sometime in the future you could post a larger image for all of us to enjoy!!!!
Again, I am so happy for you, and congratulations are in order.
Danielle
Works known for a long time. I've been wearing women's clothing to work for months. Just conservative stuff. People have gendered me right for months. I just realized that I didn't gender me right. Kept finding flaws. One of the male teachers I work with and who saw me two years ago said to me "I don't see a man, I see all women." When I got home I got out of the car and they were finally putting in the fiber for our new internet and I comment on that. The dude looks me all over before smiling and then talking about the work. I went and bought me some new shoes (female ones slight ankle boots with a bit of a heel for work). Again people see a women. I went to the local govt office to do some business. Again, gendered as female with no strangeness.
Now I'm sure there might be some issues with ID's though. Think it might be time to do something about that side of it.
I keep looking for people to react oddly, and, the only way it happens is if my six year old says daddy, or I don't shave for too long - as in 24 hours plus.
So... life can truly get better now. :)
I feel like we're on opposite spectrum's on how each of us is approaching our transitioning/coming out... and I say that with a lot of respect. I cower and avoid.
I always enjoy how positive your outlook is. [emoji4]
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Quote from: Allison S on March 22, 2018, 01:24:10 AM
I feel like we're on opposite spectrum's on how each of us is approaching our transitioning/coming out... and I say that with a lot of respect. I cower and avoid.
I always enjoy how positive your outlook is. [emoji4]
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
I'm afraid. But avoiding doesn't make the problem go away. Face that fear head on and its gone. Then you can make it a strength to help you with scarier issues.
While "I am Jess" takes the cake in awe-striking me, I still am amazed at the personal growth of everyone that I have observed since December of last year!
Kinda like going to elementary school with a lot of you and watching you blossom into Junior High School :)
Voice has to be the next focus. If I get comfortable I tend to forget. Need to make it more of a habit. Not that it seems to matter. Visual cues are enough to keep people on the right track. On other fronts walking in heels - even lowish heels is somewhat odd. Pushes the center of balance, forward. It also makes me think carefully how I walk which isn't a bad thing.
This hardly seems possible, but I looked today and I full my c cup bra with no room to spare. Combined with the 1 inch drop in my frame size to 37 inches things are looking good in the breast department. Still hurt a lot 24/7 so they are obviously not done growing yet. I do hope they decide to stop at D though because huge isn't the look I like.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 23, 2018, 01:08:13 PM
This hardly seems possible, but I looked today and I full my c cup bra with no room to spare. Combined with the 1 inch drop in my frame size to 37 inches things are looking good in the breast department. Still hurt a lot 24/7 so they are obviously not done growing yet. I do hope they decide to stop at D though because huge isn't the look I like.
I guess that your doctor didn't give you a panic button to stop excessive breast growth?
I am a C cup and I don't want any bigger... it has stayed a c- cup for 7 months now so that could signal the end of breast growth for me... hopefully
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 24, 2018, 12:10:19 AM
I guess that your doctor didn't give you a panic button to stop excessive breast growth?
I am a C cup and I don't want any bigger... it has stayed a c- cup for 7 months now so that could signal the end of breast growth for me... hopefully
Lol. Too much growth is not usually a problem with hrt. My DNA must be programmed for big breasts. Anyway, at least its not the other way around.
Today was well a very good day. Went out with the family to see a concert but it got rained out so we spent 6 hours shopping. I got hit on, ma'amed - while my wife was watching in at least 15 stores (women's boutiques), bought a couple of nice necklaces and a bit of makeup, and we didn't fight. She did try and push my breasts back in though. A bit late dear... :)
I have conclusive proof that I do not look or sound like a man because I never got a 'sir' till I got lazy with the voice. Even had some rather ugly bald man try and get to stop and talk to him as we walked past a party at the university. His intention was quite clear!
My conclusion? Watch the voice, makeup doesn't matter much anymore with beard growth decimated, big sticky out breasts and curves in skinny jeans trumps any maleness that comes with being tall. Not one women in all the stores gave me as much as a sideways glance.
Sounds like an absolutely wonderful day K. Great way to spend time with the SO. How does she react to you getting hit on. Don't know how mine would take it but may find out one day. Got to agree about the voice. Dead give a way for me every time but I'm working on it. Still sounding a little to nasal for my liking.
It sounds like you had a great day.
I avoid getting hit on by having tiny boobs because my wife likes to hold hands when we are in public. She has bought into the "lesbian by marriage" thing and has fun with it. Nothing signals "unavailable" to dirty old men like two lesbians holding hands. :D
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 24, 2018, 08:59:18 AM
It sounds like you had a great day.
I avoid getting hit on by having tiny boobs because my wife likes to hold hands when we are in public. She has bought into the "lesbian by marriage" thing and has fun with it. Nothing signals "unavailable" to dirty old men like two lesbians holding hands. :D
Mine doesn't like being associated with the concept that She might even be seen as Lesbian. She isn't against me presenting as female as such, She just isn't ready to be seen as such in public. We did hold hands briefly which is the first time that's happened in an age.
As for my wife reacting I was very careful to not respond at all since our six year old was there as well and I don't think She would appreciate Daddy being hit on by an ugly old dude. There was a rather handsome one later while I was waiting for them to them to do something who looked rather intriguing...
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 24, 2018, 11:42:09 AM
Mine doesn't like being associated with the concept that She might even be seen as Lesbian. She isn't against me presenting as female as such, She just isn't ready to be seen as such in public. We did hold hands briefly which is the first time that's happened in an age.
As for my wife reacting I was very careful to not respond at all since our six year old was there as well and I don't think She would appreciate Daddy being hit on by an ugly old dude. There was a rather handsome one later while I was waiting for them to them to do something who looked rather intriguing...
Nothing more disturbing than a
MAN Woman with a roaming eye when thier significant other is with them.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 24, 2018, 12:09:55 PM
Nothing more disturbing than a MAN Woman with a roaming eye when thier significant other is with them.
Lol until She declares our relationship open I'd never do anything. However, e is waking up a part of me that hasn't come to the fore for at least 10 years. I actually have a sex drive again. This is an issue because it ain't happening with her... ever.
Well I put a ghost to rest today. Changed my face book profile to reflect the true me. This may have some consequences but the way it was I think things would be more complicated.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 24, 2018, 07:53:09 PM
Well I put a ghost to rest today. Changed my face book profile to reflect the true me. This may have some consequences but the way it was I think things would be more complicated.
@ krobinson: Well, you gotta do what you gotta do. At some point, as a trans-woman you have to let the cat out of the bag and put your next step forward toward your goal. Until you finally go full-time you will have a few more of those moments of putting a ghost to rest.
But it is never over, I have been full-time for over a year and a half now and whenever I go back home to visit my parents there are always friends that show up not realizing that I have transitioned.... many don't even recognize me until I tell them. Also, on FB I have a comment or two every week or so from people that just found out that I am now Danielle. I have a feeling that this will continue for some time to come.
Wishing you the best, as always,
Danielle
Well its 7pm. 14 hours after I last shaved, and, thanks to non ceasing lasering for months I have no visible facial hair. :) Another month or so and I think I'll be able to go two days at least without shaving. I can still feel a bit, but its nothing compared to what it used to be.
Well today I reflect on the fact that as far as I've come, the next step is to well... wait. Wait for hair to grow, wait for facial hair to be in the right phase to be finally eradicated, wait for my family to become more comfortable, wait for e to continue doing its (so far stellar) work on my body, and wait for the time to be right for surgery.
This is hard for me because I like to make things happen. The last six months there has always been that next step, that next big most important thing. I think I've come a long way since I started, but now is the time to let those changes settle. There will be a few more major steps in the future late this year or early next year.
I want a fast forward button! Still such things don't exist
Today is, as always an awesome day living as the real me.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 26, 2018, 10:23:20 AM
Well today I reflect on the fact that as far as I've come, the next step is to well... wait. Wait for hair to grow, wait for facial hair to be in the right phase to be finally eradicated, wait for my family to become more comfortable, wait for e to continue doing its (so far stellar) work on my body, and wait for the time to be right for surgery.
This is hard for me because I like to make things happen. The last six months there has always been that next step, that next big most important thing. I think I've come a long way since I started, but now is the time to let those changes settle. There will be a few more major steps in the future late this year or early next year.
I want a fast forward button! Still such things don't exist
Today is, as always an awesome day living as the real me.
As human nature has demonstrated,
"We want it all and we want it now"@ krobinson: The TG community especially wants changes to happen quickly but as most on Susan's are most likely weary of hearing me state.... "HRT Transition require PATIENCE".... which is really difficult to accept when one is right in the middle of their transition such as you.
You have had significant enough changes that you are most of the time accepted as a female but there are still things that you desire to have changed.... including difficult family relationships, which can be the toughest part of transitioning for many, including myself.
Hang in there
krobinson... you are making great progress according to what I read in your frequent updates that I am following. At this point you are undoubtedly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel... and happily it is not an oncoming train. Kudos to you for your perseverance and your determination.
Well wishes!
Danielle
Well I have a very smart little six year old. She asked me to remove my 'mask' yesterday. I had little chat to her explaining to her that this is me without the mask. She said She didn't want a girl Daddy and why did I do it? So I told her the condensed story of my life and how I'd be born into the wrong body. She thought about it, and said that since I didn't look like a boy and She felt wrong calling me Daddy in public She should call me big Mummy instead. I said that
was fine, and that Daddy was always here for her.
Then, She asked why did I have to change starting from six months ago? So I explained that unless She wanted a crazy Daddy I had no choice. She thought about that, agreed that a crazy Daddy would be bad, and her friend's Daddy had passed away and She would much rather have a girl Daddy than no Daddy. Clever child...
Then my wife said She'd talked to a friend and had decided that She should try her best to keep the marriage intact (beyond the physical side of things) for the next 4-5 years for the sake of the children. Not so sure its a great motivation in the long run, but if it reduces the frequent fighting I'm all for it for a few years more at least.
Had a victory at work with Mr Conservative manager. Wore a dress yesterday and I could see he wanted to say something and seemed awkward, but had no leg to stand on as I was within school policy and no one else supported him, in fact I was advised to 'keep doing what I was doing' by his peers and let people process as they saw fit.
The transition train is climbing a bit of a steep hill, but I see the peak not so far off. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 27, 2018, 09:19:12 AM
Well I have a very smart little six year old. She asked me to remove my 'mask' yesterday. I had little chat to her explaining to her that this is me without the mask. She said She didn't want a girl Daddy and why did I do it? So I told her the condensed story of my life and how I'd be born into the wrong body. She thought about it, and said that since I didn't look like a boy and She felt wrong calling me Daddy in public She should call me big Mummy instead. I said that
was fine, and that Daddy was always here for her.
Then, She asked why did I have to change starting from six months ago? So I explained that unless She wanted a crazy Daddy I had no choice. She thought about that, agreed that a crazy Daddy would be bad, and her friend's Daddy had passed away and She would much rather have a girl Daddy than no Daddy. Clever child...
Then my wife said She'd talked to a friend and had decided that She should try her best to keep the marriage intact (beyond the physical side of things) for the next 4-5 years for the sake of the children. Not so sure its a great motivation in the long run, but if it reduces the frequent fighting I'm all for it for a few years more at least.
Had a victory at work with Mr Conservative manager. Wore a dress yesterday and I could see he wanted to say something and seemed awkward, but had no leg to stand on as I was within school policy and no one else supported him, in fact I was advised to 'keep doing what I was doing' by his peers and let people process as they saw fit.
The transition train is climbing a bit of a steep hill, but I see the peak not so far off. :)
@ krobinson: Your 6 year old sounds like a very observant and smart girl. I am glad that you and your wife are listening to her and encouraging this kind of discussion. Hopefully as she get older in school that she can handle comments from her less understanding classmates..... keep your ear to the track and be ready to support her in those issues....
So you are "Big Mummy" now......... so cute, and she came up with that herself!!!
That is a good report about a temporary truce with your wife... hopefully after the 4-5 year "probation" that you both will find a good solution.
Ahhhh, you wore a dress to work.... so neat.... yes, as you said, the transition train is climbing a steep hill and now you can see the peak not so far off.
The light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train but rather signals a successful trip.
Great report, thanks for posting.
.
Danielle
Kids are a damn bunch smarter than some adults I know. They have more sense as well. Glad the family is making it work so well. We can all hope for the same in our lives
Well the battle of the pronouns is being won. The managers at work are slowly being convinced to stop using 'He'. :) A small but important step.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 29, 2018, 12:06:33 AM
Well the battle of the pronouns is being won. The managers at work are slowly being convinced to stop using 'He'. :) A small but important step.
@krobinson: No, not a small step, but rather it is a giant and important step in your transition journey.... worthy of making note of it in your personal journal.
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 29, 2018, 12:06:33 AM
Well the battle of the pronouns is being won. The managers at work are slowly being convinced to stop using 'He'. :) A small but important step.
That is good news!
Chrissy
Today I realized something. The to do list is quite short now with only two major items left on it. Legal paperwork (next week) and organizing an orchie (sorting out counselling to get extra GID diagnosis now). Then, I'm happy. I thought it would have taken longer. I'm quite content to let hrt do its thing and get on with life now.
Well today I was surprised. Despite getting my ears pierced, My wife was willing to walk in public with me, even holding my hand which we haven't done for a long time. Maybe things are getting better? I've also sent out feelers to a few counseling services to set up a session or two to see if it makes any difference. I think we may be able to keep this family together yet.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 31, 2018, 01:42:05 AM
Well today I was surprised. Despite getting my ears pierced, My wife was willing to walk in public with me, even holding my hand which we haven't done for a long time. Maybe things are getting better? I've also sent out feelers to a few counseling services to set up a session or two to see if it makes any difference. I think we may be able to keep this family together yet.
Wonderful news! My marriage may not have survived, but nothing makes me happier than seeing those whose love can transcend this often bumpy road. X
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Quote from: krobinson103 on March 31, 2018, 01:42:05 AM
Well today I was surprised. Despite getting my ears pierced, My wife was willing to walk in public with me, even holding my hand which we haven't done for a long time. Maybe things are getting better? I've also sent out feelers to a few counseling services to set up a session or two to see if it makes any difference. I think we may be able to keep this family together yet.
@ krobinson: This terrific to hear.... all along as I have been following your updates I have been really hoping and trusting that things would get to a better place with your wife regarding your transition.
Hopefully the good news will keep on coming!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Aw that's sweet hope things continue on a great path for you and your wife
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Well I'm not sure what to make of it... but I like it. Not that I get much chance to wear such a dress...
Lovely colour. Looks good on you.
Quote from: Donna on March 31, 2018, 11:12:12 PM
Lovely colour. Looks good on you.
Thank you. I suppose after six months I'm doing pretty well. Its times like this when I go out a new limb and feel like I'm trying to be something I'm not. Its all in my head I know. Do I see a women? Yes, and no. I sometimes think the long arms and legs make me look odd. Do I see a man? No.
Some days you have to ask the question why were you ever born trans? Was it a test? Does someone up there have it in for me? Being trans is not fun, but it is me and it is part of the strength I need to get through this life.
Tomorrow will be a better day and things will look better as I get used to them.
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 01, 2018, 12:53:03 AM
Thank you. I suppose after six months I'm doing pretty well. Its times like this when I go out a new limb and feel like I'm trying to be something I'm not. Its all in my head I know. Do I see a women? Yes, and no. I sometimes think the long arms and legs make me look odd. Do I see a man? No.
Some days you have to ask the question why were you ever born trans? Was it a test? Does someone up there have it in for me? Being trans is not fun, but it is me and it is part of the strength I need to get through this life.
Tomorrow will be a better day and things will look better as I get used to them.
For sure being trans is not for fun or excitement for me it is just right and proper. I'm just new to dresses and skirts and they feel wonderful. In December I couldn't picture me in a dress, now my wife even tells me to put one on and I'm doing it before she finishes talking lol. One day at a time and the world is a great place
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 31, 2018, 11:06:55 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/40a1ii
Well I'm not sure what to make of it... but I like it. Not that I get much chance to wear such a dress...
@
krobinson: Wow-whee...... I looked at your picture... you look wonderful in the dress... a good color and style for you. Oh, and your figure and curves are coming along nicely as a result of your reported dramatic weight loss. .... I can also see that the bulk in your upper body and shoulders has nicely reduced as well.
CONGRATULATIONS !!!
Hugs, Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 01, 2018, 08:02:55 AM
@ krobinson: Wow-whee...... I looked at your picture... you look wonderful in the dress... a good color and style for you. Oh, and your figure and curves are coming along nicely as a result of your reported dramatic weight loss. .... I can also see that the bulk in your upper body and shoulders has nicely reduced as well.
CONGRATULATIONS !!!
Hugs, Danielle
Thanks. That's why I figured this week its time to change all the official records to 'F'. I think my male passport and D/L are probably not the best documents to be using now. In terms of weight loss, numbers say I'm stalled at 207 pounds, but my actual measurements still keep getting more feminine so I think I might be where I need to be. Wife wants me to lose more to lose the 'fat' on my upper body and chest. I think she is just trying to minimize what in my opinion is just about right... :)
My daily hair removal regime is having great success now with a close shave resulting in almost no visible shadow sans makeup for most of the day, or no shadow at all with a little light makeup. Oh yeah.. the how old am I online app actually gendered me as female the other day.
Stuff is getting better.
Like your new avatar but hurt my neck looking at it :(
:)
Trying to figure out how to turn it around. Think I need to get someone else to take the photo. :)
Well, I did something that will probably cause a fight today. I put my story on my stream in facebook. I've kept it out of social media until now, but it just seems silly when everything in IRL says I am a women. So there are no more secrets. :) Sick of worrying about what photo to post...
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 01, 2018, 12:55:31 PM
Trying to figure out how to turn it around. Think I need to get someone else to take the photo. :)
Well, I did something that will probably cause a fight today. I put my story on my stream in facebook. I've kept it out of social media until now, but it just seems silly when everything in IRL says I am a women. So there are no more secrets. :) Sick of worrying about what photo to post...
@ krobinson:
Instead, perhaps a mirror shot??
No more secrets is a great place to be !!!
But hopefully no fights, especially with the warming relations lately with your wife!!!
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 01, 2018, 08:36:52 AM
Thanks. That's why I figured this week its time to change all the official records to 'F'. I think my male passport and D/L are probably not the best documents to be using now. In terms of weight loss, numbers say I'm stalled at 207 pounds, but my actual measurements still keep getting more feminine so I think I might be where I need to be. Wife wants me to lose more to lose the 'fat' on my upper body and chest. I think she is just trying to minimize what in my opinion is just about right... :)
My daily hair removal regime is having great success now with a close shave resulting in almost no visible shadow sans makeup for most of the day, or no shadow at all with a little light makeup. Oh yeah.. the how old am I online app actually gendered me as female the other day.
Stuff is getting better.
Krobinson:
I think that your wife may be slowly getting on board with your transition, which is really a nice change in relations for you and her..... and her reasons may just be that in her mind there would be less possible embarrassment for her if you looked as convincingly female as possible...
That should be good news!!!
Danielle
This is quite an interesting thread. I feel like I am reading a mirror to my own approach. I felt the need to press on the gas pedal but the harder I hit the acceleration the more challenging it was to bring those along that I hoped would be with me on the ride. So, the last few years have been at the speed of a moped and at times glacial but we are making it through.
I don't think there is any right or wrong way. There is just what we can manage and what those around us can handle at the time.
I have come to appreciate how challenging this is for our partners and some kids. My partner and I worked in a lot of kids books with different types of families and gender creative kids which helped them process things. I got to the end of the book George and basically blurted out that I feel like that. Lol, it wasn't the most graceful coming out but that was one of those interesting moments where best laid plans seem to go out the window!
It sounds like your child is adapting, which is fantastic. My daughters now love putting things in my hair and hopefully you and your family can find a few lighter moments to grab on to. My partner is much more at ease because my 6 and 10 year old have adjusted so easily. I wish you and your family well no matter what route it ultimately takes.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 01, 2018, 01:15:28 PM
Krobinson:
I think that your wife may be slowly getting on board with your transition, which is really a nice change in relations for you and her..... and her reasons may just be that in her mind there would be less possible embarrassment for her if you looked as convincingly female as possible...
That should be good news!!!
Danielle
I don't know. The more feminine I become the more she puts effort into looking even more feminine, while at the same time objecting to clothes that look the slightest bit feminine for me (like I listen!). My theory is that I'm intruding on her 'turf' so to say. I know for a fact that she is quite sensitive about the size of her frame proportional breasts and I'm already larger than She is. This annoys her.
That is so close to the way my wife thinks. She felt like I was the new competition for the female in the house. We have worked thru that now. Given time hopefully your wife will come around a little at a time as mine is trying to do.
Great story of yours here and it mirrors my journey so closely.
I AM OFFICIALLY A WOMEN!
My drivers license is now updated to show female and the passport will follow suit in less than a week. :) Now I can feel hit a major milestone.
Today is a VERY good day.
Congrats!!
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That's a big step done. Must be a great relief. Well done
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 02, 2018, 10:11:51 PM
I AM OFFICIALLY A WOMEN!
My drivers license is now updated to show female and the passport will follow suit in less than a week. :) Now I can feel hit a major milestone.
Today is a VERY good day.
@ krobinson: YES, a very good day indeed.
Did your wife make any comments about this major milestone when she found out?
I imagine that you feel quite elated and ecstatic right now. Congratulations to you.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 02, 2018, 11:22:07 PM
@ krobinson: YES, a very good day indeed.
Did your wife make any comments about this major milestone when she found out?
I imagine that you feel quite elated and ecstatic right now. Congratulations to you.
Hugs,
Danielle
She can see the need and is supportive. We are discussing upgrading medical insurance to cover orchie later in the year or early next year so acceptance is at hand. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 02, 2018, 11:27:21 PM
She can see the need and is supportive. We are discussing upgrading medical insurance to cover orchie later in the year or early next year so acceptance is at hand. :)
@ krobinson: WOW, I don't have to go to far back in your updates to find out that today's new update about your wife's reaction and acceptance of your transition is nothing short of a miracle.
I am very happy for you... and for her too.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 02, 2018, 11:32:42 PM
@ krobinson: WOW, I don't have to go to far back in your updates to find out that today's new update about your wife's reaction and acceptance of your transition is nothing short of a miracle.
I am very happy for you... and for her too.
Hugs,
Danielle
Thanks. We go in cycles of acceptance and denial. The denial gets weaker, the acceptance gets stronger. As long as things aren't rushed it will all turn out ok. It just hurts a lot thats all.
Passport witnessed and sent. Another few weeks and I have the two IDs I need to change just about everything. :) I observed three interesting reactions today. One was from a teachers aide I haven't seen for 3-4 months. She came and worked in my classroom, and didn't realize I was the same person until she was told! Then, She told me she was jealous of my figure, and that my face looked very pretty. On top of that I must be getting better at makeup because I received several comments on how appropriate and natural it looked. :) At the end of the day another female colleague also commented that the only tell to a male origin was height.
I still feel somewhat ... sad at the removal of my male identity in the system. Seems odd that I should given the work I put into making this happen. In some respects my 6 year old is right, I am 'killing' what she calls 'real daddy'. But, he lives in me still and she will come around to that eventually.
Two weeks and I have all I need to make ALL the important records correct and never have the need to refer to myself as male officially again!
Congratulations on the nice comments made to you and your document change progress.
Chrissy
This is a good day. My wife has given up on most of her blocking and evading, AND I have updated all but one agency with new gender details meaning that... I'm free from him except on my birth certificate which won't matter too much anyway. Consistently being gendered and accepted as female in public now and I have insurance agent sorting out medical insurance to cover orchie/GRS for me. :) Since I didn't change my name all my degrees and diplomas don't need any changes.
Work is accepting now with even the fashion police giving up. All the students parents couldn't care less and the staff are all supportive. I have replaced my wardrobe, learned how to use makeup, and lost the weight I wanted to lose. In short, bar waiting for 6 months and getting another GID diagnosis I have achieved that I set out to do.
Nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it. I doubt there will be many more major changes that need to recorded until next year so I may update this thread less frequently now. Thanks for all the support! It made it all possible and I'm sure will continue to be helpful in the future.
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 06, 2018, 05:43:15 PM
This is a good day. My wife has given up on most of her blocking and evading, AND I have updated all but one agency with new gender details meaning that... I'm free from him except on my birth certificate which won't matter too much anyway. Consistently being gendered and accepted as female in public now and I have insurance agent sorting out medical insurance to cover orchie/GRS for me. :)
Work is accepting now with even the fashion police giving up. All the students parents couldn't care less and the staff are all supportive. In short, bar waiting for 6 months and getting another GID diagnosis I have achieved what I set out to do.
Nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it.
@ krobinson: Well now, this report is absolutely wonderful news for you. Several months ago I imagine that you might have thought that a result like this was next to impossible.... great news with things like your wife, your job, you future GRS covered by insurance and all of you gender ID details taken care of. I imagine that you are elated with all of this.... and I am very, very happy for you.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 06, 2018, 05:48:00 PM
@ krobinson: Well now, this report is absolutely wonderful news for you. Several months ago I imagine that you might have thought that a result like this was next to impossible.... great news with things like your wife, your job, you future GRS covered by insurance and all of you gender ID details taken care of. I imagine that you are elated with all of this.... and I am very, very happy for you.
Hugs,
Danielle
Wouldn't have thought it could be done in six months. Just goes to show if you are determined and it don't give up you can make your dreams come true.
Hi krobinson, I just read through your posts. You have come a long way in a short time. I am very happy for you.
Wow that's great! Congrats on everything you've accomplished and worked for... can one of these thread's really end?! It just doesn't seem possible, but I'm not surprised you'd be the one to get so much done. I think I mentioned before, but I envy your resolve. I'm 6 months and I've done nothing but take my hrt pills. And cry a lot lol
Enjoy your life, you deserve it [emoji4]
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Quote from: Allison S on April 06, 2018, 08:35:45 PM
Wow that's great! Congrats on everything you've accomplished and worked for... can one of these thread's really end?! It just doesn't seem possible, but I'm not surprised you'd be the one to get so much done. I think I mentioned before, but I envy your resolve. I'm 6 months and I've done nothing but take my hrt pills. And cry a lot lol
Enjoy your life, you deserve it [emoji4]
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I don't think this journey ever ends. There is still much to be done, but the first hard bits are done. The painful scary bit remains. But that will be another story and deserves a different thread.
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 07, 2018, 02:01:15 AM
I don't think this journey ever ends. There is still much to be done, but the first hard bits are done. The painful scary bit remains. But that will be another story and deserves a different thread.
@ krobinson: Well, I think that you are correct.... this journey never does end BUT as we continue on down the road "scenery and experiences" do become different and eventually better as we forge our path..... once we leave the areas in our journey where everything is in turmoil, dealing with big changes in our relationships, especially immediate family and parents.... changes in employment relationships and jobs, etc.... then the journey becomes a much more enjoyable one where we forge a new path as our transformed new self.... where we are accepted for the person we have become and we start fitting in where we have always wanted to belong and where we can blossom as a person.
For sure, there will be some discarded stuff as that happens... friends that are no more, interests may change, our attitude and viewpoints about life and relationships definitely change.
BUT... for the most part, it is ALL GOOD.... time to get on with the business of everyday life and unlike the beginning of the journey, we don't have to deal with all of the dramatic and sometimes heartbreaking changes of the past that we have put behind us.
Time to start enjoying the life that we are now all the way integrated into.
Note: I am only speaking from my experience... 3+ years of HRT, 1 1/2 years Full-Time, relocated to a new place and a new job a long way away from my old life in a lot of ways. Of course, it goes without saying, everyone's journey will be unique to them.
Hugs, Danielle
Danielle and krobinson, I'm glad we're part of each others journeys' even though we're thousands miles away.. means a lot to me [emoji4] I think I'm in a sappy mood today (everyday) haha ☺
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Quote from: Allison S on April 07, 2018, 11:07:28 AM
Danielle and krobinson, I'm glad we're part of each others journeys' even though we're thousands miles away.. means a lot to me [emoji4] I think I'm in a sappy mood today (everyday) haha ☺
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This post gives me warm fuzzies [emoji7]
An interesting day. I have the energy I used to have before all this started now. :) My endurance has been quite limited for a while no longer. Guess my body is used to the new order. Also when I run around and sweat all day it doesn't get smelly. A good bonus.
PARTY!
The last institution that matters has now updated my status to female. Tomorrow I can let the school know this, update the pay agency records and it is done. I've requested information today and found that I can get phyc assessment for free in out local area, and possibly get orchie covered under the national health system if I can get a referral.
Yay!
Chrissy
Quote from: amberwaves on April 07, 2018, 11:25:34 AM
This post gives me warm fuzzies [emoji7]
Warm fuzzies as in cold prickles??????
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 07, 2018, 09:17:13 AM
@ krobinson: Well, I think that you are correct.... this journey never does end BUT as we continue on down the road "scenery and experiences" do become different and eventually better as we forge our path..... once we leave the areas in our journey where everything is in turmoil, dealing with big changes in our relationships, especially immediate family and parents.... changes in employment relationships and jobs, etc.... then the journey becomes a much more enjoyable one where we forge a new path as our transformed new self.... where we are accepted for the person we have become and we start fitting in where we have always wanted to belong and where we can blossom as a person.
For sure, there will be some discarded stuff as that happens... friends that are no more, interests may change, our attitude and viewpoints about life and relationships definitely change.
BUT... for the most part, it is ALL GOOD.... time to get on with the business of everyday life and unlike the beginning of the journey, we don't have to deal with all of the dramatic and sometimes heartbreaking changes of the past that we have put behind us.
Time to start enjoying the life that we are now all the way integrated into.
Note: I am only speaking from my experience... 3+ years of HRT, 1 1/2 years Full-Time, relocated to a new place and a new job a long way away from my old life in a lot of ways. Of course, it goes without saying, everyone's journey will be unique to them.
Hugs, Danielle
Wow. That was very well said Danielle. You sure summed that up perfectly
I played my affirmation song this morning and realized that I don't actually need it. I just feel like me. This is good.
Yeah that's great!
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/v25G41
Visible shadow for a day is defeated! This is great.
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 15, 2018, 05:10:44 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/v25G41
Visible shadow for a day is defeated! This is great.
That is wonderful!
Chrissy
200g to 93.5kg! I think thats where I stay. Don't need to be much lighter.
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 16, 2018, 02:58:33 PM
200g to 93.5kg! I think thats where I stay. Don't need to be much lighter.
@krobinson103 : Congratulations to you... you got down to
206 pounds.... I am trying to recall what your original goal weight was... I thought is was around that number.
The trick now of course is trying to maintain that weight. I know that I have friends that kept trying to lose more and they got to a point that they couldn't maintain the loss and ended up gaining some back again.
By the way, your latest Avatar-Profile pic looks terrific, your face is thinner, more rounded and definitely female features... and your hair is looking great too! Keep up the good work on your transition journey.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 16, 2018, 03:10:23 PM
@krobinson103 : Congratulations to you... you got down to 206 pounds.... I am trying to recall what your original goal weight was... I thought is was around that number.
The trick now of course is trying to maintain that weight. I know that I have friends that kept trying to lose more and they got to a point that they couldn't maintain the loss and ended up gaining some back again.
By the way, your latest Avatar-Profile pic looks terrific, your face is thinner, more rounded and definitely female features... and your hair is looking great too! Keep up the good work on your transition journey.
Hugs,
Danielle
That day is coming. losing weight is a real struggle now, and one not worth it. I have a good level of body fat and I like the way I look. Leave it at that. The how old am I app online came up with female and 27! with that photo so I'll take that as a win. :)
Scary appointment coming up! First one about surgery...
Great going on the weight lose. It is so hard.
I finally move below 100kg for the first time in almost ten years and it feels great.
Keep up the hard work
Exercise, and lots of water. Reduce foods high in oils and saturated animal fats. Think lean, full of life and vitality. Fruits, vegetables, and whole grains high in fiber. Fresh lemons, limes, and grapefruits are wonderful because they emulsify fat. I love freshly squeezed pink grapefruit juice. It's sooooo good. Instead of seeing it as a chore, see it as a lifestyle choice you choose to enjoy. Savor it, and appreciate good produce. Buy locally. Organic if you can afford it to reduce exposure to unnecessary toxins. Progress is a wonderful thing. Keep at it! ;D
The BEST news ever!
I saw a new HRT specalist today who:
Solved the spiro problem by arranging to place an implant to block t next Monday
Recommended me to a uroloigist to consult for orchie
Set up a 'check the box' counselling session that may or may not be needed
Recommended me to a speech therapist to help with feminizing voice.
All for the grand total of.... nothing. If approved and he thinks it will be the tax man pays for that. Also the waiting period isn't necessary for orchie (only top and srs) so it could all happen with the next 3-4 months!
Hooray!
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 25, 2018, 09:46:05 PM
The BEST news ever!
I saw a new HRT specalist today who:
Solved the spiro problem by arranging to place an implant to block t next Monday
Recommended me to a uroloigist to consult for orchie
Set up a 'check the box' counselling session that may or may not be needed
Recommended me to a speech therapist to help with feminizing voice.
All for the grand total of.... nothing. If approved and he thinks it will be the tax man pays for that. Also the waiting period isn't necessary for orchie (only top and srs) so it could all happen with the next 3-4 months!
Hooray!
krobinson: YES indeed..... HOORAY !!!! That is obviously a very good report...
... and like you said...
"The best news ever."I am very happy for you.
Please keep the updates coming!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Used the womens toilet for the first time today and the world didn't melt down. :) Been worried about that for a while. Also despite having my mini me saying dad constantly I've been called ma'am sweetie, you name all sorts of things not male all day and not one case of mis gendering. That was also about as public as I could possibly be (airport and car festival!) I had an extended conversation with a shop keeper selling nice earrings that included 'us women' her words not mine so I guess I pass pretty well now...
Tomorrow I get my anti t implant and find out a bit more about the upcoming appointments...
Progress is being made!
Yay, that is great news on several fronts! Nice to hear that you are getting some progress with your appointments.
Congrats on getting up the nerve to use the ladies' room. It's a bit nerve-wracking the first time, but you'll quickly get used to it. Now, when I go with some female colleagues, I keep right on chatting with them in the ladies' room, something I would never have done in the men's room.
Another appointment down. Bloods came out good with the liver spike being just that, a spike and the e at 259 and t at 1.1. :) The new imp;ant went in leaving a rather large hole in the skin of my stomach and throwing out my equilibrium for a few hours like all new drugs do. The bad news is I have to wean off spiro so for three weeks I'll have the blocker (spiro) and the implant to shut down t production at the same time... oh boy did that implant kick me in the rear end last night but that happens everytime levels change.
Got some estradot patches as my new meds as doc thinks at my age pills are not a good match. think I might leave a few days at least between the implant and changing over... my brain is still not 100% happy with its new equilibrium. On other fronts orchie WILL happen between 6-9 months from now (school holidays - good timing yay!) the hole left by the implanting needle is rather big and will take a few days to heal though.
Well I tried to go to work yesterday and I have to admit it wasn't my best plan ever. The implant site hurt all day which in itself was distracting. The real issue however was the addition of this t inhibitor on top of the spiro which I have to taper off is pulling t down lower than it has been and making me really emotionally unstable, and not as mentally sharp as I need to be which is not a good thing for my job.
Taking today off in the hope hormone levels settle a bit and the hole in my abdomen is a bit less painful tomorrow. I did read that this particular implant could have cause a t crash fairly quickly which isn't fun, but figured that since my t falls into a fairly high average female range it wouldn't be too bad. I was wrong, even small changes happening too fast do really odd things to your brain.
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 01, 2018, 11:05:36 AM
Well I tried to go to work yesterday and I have to admit it wasn't my best plan ever. The implant site hurt all day which in itself was distracting. The real issue however was the addition of this t inhibitor on top of the spiro which I have to taper off is pulling t down lower than it has been and making me really emotionally unstable, and not as mentally sharp as I need to be which is not a good thing for my job.
Taking today off in the hope hormone levels settle a bit and the hole in my abdomen is a bit less painful tomorrow. I did read that this particular implant could have cause a t crash fairly quickly which isn't fun, but figured that since my t falls into a fairly high average female range it wouldn't be too bad. I was wrong, even small changes happening too fast do really odd things to your brain.
krobinson: Hang in there, sorry to hear about your "not as mentally sharp" and "emotionally unstable" issues as a result of your medication changes. If I were you I would talk to your doctor or his nurse about what is happening. Perhaps there is an adjustment to the meds they can make to help you feel better.
You are right about changes with hormone levels do odd things to our brains and the way we think and act.
Thanks for posting and I trust that things will get better for your soon.
Keep the updates coming... I am always looking for your new postings...
Hugs,
Danielle
Sorry to hear about the rough day. I have not had to drop spiro with the eligard by I did have to stop the dutatriside on day three. The eligard gave me a rush of T to start but i can feel it tapering off now. Wow was I a bitch over the weekend with the hormones jumping. Feel so much smoother now.
Hope you progress well and enjoy the lowered T levels
Thanks everyone. Levels are stable again and Spiro will gone in a week. :) Already enjoying less bathroom breaks with the reduced dose. I like these patches so far. Hopefully e doesn't reduce on day 3/4.
I have come to realization that being upset by 'mis' gendering is pointless. I pass well enough, but some will never see me as a women and I realize thats ok. I'm actually blessed by being a women born into a mans body. I've fixed most of the things I didn't like. I'm not 100% female, and will always have certain male traits. Rather than rail against them why not embrace being myself for who I am?
I'm me, I live in my skin which I like and thats ok. If other people have issues I couldn't care less.
Oh yeah! No more concealer needed! Shadow is gone after shaving and doesn't come back for at least a day so foundation alone is enough. :) Also my arm hair is all vellous, any body and pubic hair is dealt to and my legs are surrendering with the help of hrt and my epilator (ouch!)
Tis a good day... every day!
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 08, 2018, 03:09:26 PM
Oh yeah! No more concealer needed! Shadow is gone after shaving and doesn't come back for at least a day so foundation alone is enough. :) Also my arm hair is all vellous, any body and pubic hair is dealt to and my legs are surrendering with the help of hrt and my epilator (ouch!)
Tis a good day... every day!
Krobinson: Ouch, epilators, especially near the tender areas are painful... they just rip out the hair and hurt worse that waxing... at least with waxing a lot more hair is removed at a time.
It sounds like things are progressing well toward your goals.
I enjoy following your story. Please continue to keep us informed.
Hugs, Danielle
Tis a good day... every day!
[/quote]
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 04, 2018, 02:45:54 AM
I have come to realization that being upset by 'mis' gendering is pointless. I pass well enough, but some will never see me as a women and I realize thats ok. I'm actually blessed by being a women born into a mans body. I've fixed most of the things I didn't like. I'm not 100% female, and will always have certain male traits. Rather than rail against them why not embrace being myself for who I am?
I'm me, I live in my skin which I like and thats ok. If other people have issues I couldn't care less.
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 08, 2018, 03:09:26 PM
Oh yeah! No more concealer needed! Shadow is gone after shaving and doesn't come back for at least a day so foundation alone is enough. :) Also my arm hair is all vellous, any body and pubic hair is dealt to and my legs are surrendering with the help of hrt and my epilator (ouch!)
Good Morning Krobinson, 09 May 2018
I think you have a great attitude; like you, I couldn't give a hoot what other people think and/or do.
I'm sire you are destined for a very happy life; more power to you.
Best Always,
Christine
Well today before school I was getting my room ready browsing susan's to keep me amused at the same time. The next thing one of the parents from a room next door comes in and asks for the other teacher who wasn't at work yet. I say He's not here but come in an wait. She sits down and we talk then She says your computer has a transgender website in the browser are you transgender? I say surely am.
The long and the short of it... She asks a bunch of questions and says She has many transgender friends. So we had a good chat about it till the other Teacher arrived. No one in this town gives a hoot about someone being transgender. Its great.
Just goes to show that my policy of being open from the start and not hiding was the best choice. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 09, 2018, 02:59:23 AM
Well today before school I was getting my room ready browsing susan's to keep me amused at the same time. The next thing one of the parents from a room next door comes in and asks for the other teacher who wasn't at work yet. I say He's not here but come in an wait. She sits down and we talk then She says your computer has a transgender website in the browser are you transgender? I say surely am.
The long and the short of it... She asks a bunch of questions and says She has many transgender friends. So we had a good chat about it till the other Teacher arrived. No one in this town gives a hoot about someone being transgender. Its great.
Just goes to show that my policy of being open from the start and not hiding was the best choice. :)
That's awesome that people in your area are so accepting! Hopefully, it's a trend that is spreading.
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 08, 2018, 03:09:26 PM
Oh yeah! No more concealer needed! Shadow is gone after shaving and doesn't come back for at least a day so foundation alone is enough. :) Also my arm hair is all vellous, any body and pubic hair is dealt to and my legs are surrendering with the help of hrt and my epilator (ouch!)
Tis a good day... every day!
Terrific news!
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 09, 2018, 02:59:23 AM
Well today before school I was getting my room ready browsing susan's to keep me amused at the same time. The next thing one of the parents from a room next door comes in and asks for the other teacher who wasn't at work yet. I say He's not here but come in an wait. She sits down and we talk then She says your computer has a transgender website in the browser are you transgender? I say surely am.
The long and the short of it... She asks a bunch of questions and says She has many transgender friends. So we had a good chat about it till the other Teacher arrived. No one in this town gives a hoot about someone being transgender. Its great.
Just goes to show that my policy of being open from the start and not hiding was the best choice. :)
Open and honest is a great way to be. I've calmed down about the misgendering finally. Acceptance is such a great feeling.
Weight loss is stalled since spiro stopped but I slept 6 hours in a row! Hooray! Also I've dropped another clothing size and UK size 14 now fits top and bottom. :) Went through the closet and had to move a lot of clothes out again. Size changes get expensive! Also there is a d cup bra sitting in there which I bought when I didn't know how the sizing works Its still a bit too large but certainly not huge anymore. So we've hit a good c cup now and growth is still happening. Its surreal looking at myself in the morning and sorting the laundry these days. I never even hoped to get as far as I have and its only 7 months since I started.
Feeling confident wearing skirts and dresses now though they aren't super practical for work. I like them better than pants and since everything downstairs is so small now unless I tried to wear a bikini tucking isn't necessary. Once orchie happens (countdown in progress yay!) I don't think there will any issues at all with any women's garment.
To be honest I don't feel dysphoria much at all these days. I've made peace with the fact that some things I won't be able to change and they just make me unique. Thats ok I don't want to be the same as anyone else anyway
Looking forward to the future with hope.
Great advances KR. Sound like your moving along happily. You will be so thrilled when you fit that D cup bra.
Dresses are so comfy and I've ventured to work once in one and felt fine with it. When it's warmer I may switch over unless I'm up in a lift or up a ladder. Lol
It's great following your story. Thank you
I realized today that I've been misgendered a total of zero times in the least three weeks, As in no one gets it wrong. Not the supermarket and bakery, not the indian taxi drivers at work... no one! I also found that the ugly glue residue left by estradot patches can be removed easily with acetone free nail polish remover.
Hooray!
Glad the misgendering is dropping off for you. It's such a relief to not have to be prepared to correct people all the time. Good to have found a solution for the glue, I'm still doing pills for now.
3 weeks, wow that would be a welcome thing for me too. I however am not as fortunate as you Kelly. I can see why you haven't had it happen for awhile just by looking at your avatar.
Hope it never happens to you again.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on May 12, 2018, 01:11:58 PM
3 weeks, wow that would be a welcome thing for me too. I however am not as fortunate as you Kelly. I can see why you haven't had it happen for awhile just by looking at your avatar.
Hope it never happens to you again.
Hugs,
Laurie
Unless I move somewhere where no one ever knew me its unlikely. I feel that I've been very lucky in that in the short span of 7 months I've managed to physically and socially transition to the point where if I meet a stranger I'm most likely to be gendered female. I've also learned something very important...
What others think doesn't matter. You define your gender. Confidence is the key despite appearanceThis is why I went full time from day one of hrt, why I came out to everyone that same day. This is also why if someone calls me sir I've learned to just accept it because I was born male and there should be a small place for that left in my life.
Hi Kelly!
Great thread! Your results so far are fantastic. I can only hope the Breast fairy drops off C cups for me at some point too!
xoxoxo
Alyssa
Well I finally found some heels I can wear all day at work. :) It was just a matter of having a wide enough toe area. Feeling really good though 2 inch heels feel distinctly odd. I have 5 more wrap skirts arriving in the next few days. They will form the core of my work outfits. Will need some t shirts to match but they are cheap. I think I'm beginning to figure out what sort of styles I like and people seem to be noticing the effort I put in, and commenting that it looks good.
On other fronts the more feminine I become the more some old worries sneak back. Oddly enough in the last few days I've be questioning just I really pass or people are being nice. However, the overwhelming evidence is that the only thing people see is a women. I know that I look in the mirror every morning and think that's really me? So its be being silly I suspect. Need to lock down those whispers forever!
Life continues to be good. I'm sure it will get better.
A new step has been acheived. I can now wear womens underwear, no tucking and stuff stays contained and barely visible. :) Also got it down to size 12-14 (uk) which is pretty good for a me. So looking forward to the stuff I will be able to wear when orchie finally happens. :)
Quote from: Alyssa Bree on May 13, 2018, 01:33:24 PM
Hi Kelly!
Great thread! Your results so far are fantastic. I can only hope the Breast fairy drops off C cups for me at some point too!
xoxoxo
Alyssa
"C" cups; I'll be lucky if she passes by and drops off a well used training bra.
Best Always,
Christine
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 15, 2018, 11:29:39 PM
A new step has been acheived. I can now wear womens underwear, no tucking and stuff stays contained and barely visible. :) Also got it down to size 12-14 (uk) which is pretty good for a me. So looking forward to the stuff I will be able to wear when orchie finally happens. :)
Hi KR, 16 May 2018
I think you'll be very happy after your orchie. It has been 1 month and 5 days since mine; wish I had done it years ago including transitioning. You have a great attitude and are a great example for all of us.
Best Always,
Christine
Quote from: christinej78 on May 16, 2018, 09:46:23 AM
"C" cups; I'll be lucky if she passes by and drops off a well used training bra for me.
Best Always,
Christine
Have some hope. The one thing that keeps us going is hope...
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/dgYqcd
Okay... I guess its working. I don't remember me looking that that. Still don't think I see attractive but I don't see a man anymore.
Well... this photo has affected me a bit more than some others I see it and I see most of the person I held inside for so many years. I see me as I'm meant to be and its all a bit overwhelming. All the hardwork was worth it. :)
Looking good there, well done on the weight . Wish I could get down but stuck on 14.10. want to be mid 12. Don't get to wear a dress or skirt much as work uniform is technician trousers and polo shirt/sweat shirt regardless of gender.Have day off tomorrow so will make up for it but of course its gone colder, leggings time!!
Quote from: davina61 on May 16, 2018, 03:30:43 PM
Looking good there, well done on the weight . Wish I could get down but stuck on 14.10. want to be mid 12. Don't get to wear a dress or skirt much as work uniform is technician trousers and polo shirt/sweat shirt regardless of gender.Have day off tomorrow so will make up for it but of course its gone colder, leggings time!!
Thanks. Actually gained a bit since the medication change. Have to eat a bit more carefully and institute more exercise.
Looking good KR. Nice outfit and you wear it well. Sorry to hear about the weight gain, hope you can reverse it and get down to your ideal weight.
Nice pic! I like the outfit. Gotta work on the smile, though! ;D And unclench those hands.
Quote from: Donna on May 16, 2018, 07:24:29 PM
Looking good KR. Nice outfit and you wear it well. Sorry to hear about the weight gain, hope you can reverse it and get down to your ideal weight.
Not too worried to be honest. Anything under 97kg is ok with me. 93 would be nice but not compulsory.
Week four on patches. Not sure the dose is quite enough to be honest. I have the feeling when the next blood tests are done we'll see lowish e numbers. I'll have to ask the doc to evaluate that next time.
Nice photo (again!)
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 18, 2018, 01:23:59 PM
Nice photo (again!)
Chrissy
Thanks. I'm getting there... :) Still a bit of work to do. want to encourage a bit more breast growth and get my hips a bit narrower if I can. Also the facial hair is slowed but I still need to shave want that gone!
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 18, 2018, 01:01:16 PM
Week four on patches. Not sure the dose is quite enough to be honest. I have the feeling when the next blood tests are done we'll see lowish e numbers. I'll have to ask the doc to evaluate that next time.
I had blood work done 6 weeks ago for T and E, the lab screwed it up and didn't do any of the tests other than the T which was down. Now I have no idea again where my E is until I get more ablood work. Very irritating indeed.
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 16, 2018, 07:56:21 PM
Not too worried to be honest. Anything under 97kg is ok with me. 93 would be nice but not compulsory.
I hear you on that. I've reached a point I thought I would never see. I can't remember the last time I was this light, it's got to be close to twenty years. Hit 94.4kg this weekend and damn nothing is fitting and my wife noted my butt has disappeared. Damn flattened right out.
Well some posts are positive and some aren't. Sadly this one isn't. After a few stormy days our marriage is over, and apart from waiting a year or so to get things stable divorce is certain. I knew it would likely end up this way but its sad that it has.
Still, I suspect its for the best in the long term.
Quote from: krobinson103 on May 20, 2018, 11:34:16 PM
Well some posts are positive and some aren't. Sadly this one isn't. After a few stormy days our marriage is over, and apart from waiting a year or so to get things stable divorce is certain. I knew it would likely end up this way but its sad that it has.
Still, I suspect its for the best in the long term.
Hi KR, 21 May 2018
Sorry things have had an unfortunate turn; been down that road twice, it's never easy. From your posts I know you have children, which I am sure makes it tougher. You have my condolences; hang in there and you will be ok. I've read a lot of your posts and you seem like a decent loving partner and parent. I wish there was something I could do, even as little as put my arms around you. Unfortunately they are way too short to make it to KIWI land. Take care of yourself, stay safe, God Bless.
Best Always,
Christine
Wow that is so sad to hear KR. I really hope thing will be amicable between you two or better yet patch it up if possible.
Really sending out big big hugs to you
Thanks. I just found a support group / slash programme locally that might help with some of the issues. Unfortunately its streamed into men and women. I've emailed the organizers to see if having a trans women join would be an issue. Probably won't be, but I don't want to put anyone on the spot.
Sorry to hear that you and your wife are splitting up. I know it was not a surprise, but it's sad nonetheless. I am glad that you see a positive result in the long run.
Today was an interesting day. One of my colleagues said I was gorgeous and she wanted to know my secret - even liked my makeup and said it worked well. :)
Life is good.
That is an awesome reaffirmation for you. Hope your doing good and have lots more days like this
Texted the organizer of the support group about a trans women attending yesterday and got... no reply. I don't think they are ready for something like that in our little town. I don't really need it, but it would have be nice to see some sort of reply. If nothing else it will get them thinking about how to deal with the issue in the future. I don't think I'll force the issue as its not a big one for me.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/Q25Ur6
Gained a bit of weight but figure still keeps a changing in the right direction. :)
Plateaus and bump are going to happen. As long as your average is heading in the right direction then all will balance out for the best. Keep on being as positive as you can, you have a lot happening right now
Ah, life is amazing. Each and every day gets brighter and brighter, and everything turns to gold.
Today I went to my Great Aunt's Funeral and to fit it for the first time in months I wore feminine but mostly gender neutral clothes. Half my relatives didn't recognise me for a while which was interesting but they eventually did. More imporantly though, I felt NO dysphoria doing it. I think I may have this dysphoria thing beaten. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on June 06, 2018, 02:20:28 AMMore imporantly though, I felt NO dysphoria doing it. I think I may have this dysphoria thing beaten. :)
Glad to hear that you have the dysphoria under control. Don't get cocky, though, it can resurface in strange places. But knowing that you are going to be okay is a good place to be.
Had my counseling appointment yesterday. It was pretty good and the counselor agreed that surgery is the next logical step. Suggested that I drive myself too hard and should look after myself a little better by allowing for more down time to process. I tend to agree. So, in a month when I see the doctor next there will be one more brief appointment for data gathering purposes, and to ensure that the process has been completed appropriately to pave the way for surgery.
On the home front it blows hot and cold. My wife is accepting one day and aggressive the next. Kids are good. At work I need to pull out of this inward looking thing and focus on meeting some professional standards - a challenge in some ways but one I can meet within the 6 months I have to do so.
I've come to realize that while the physical changes came quickly my mind needs time to catch up and really process the implications of transition to my self image and how it affects how I fit into society.
One foot in front of the other and more waiting...
Seems there aren't many firsts to talk about these days. But, today there is. I wore a fitted skirt to work for the first time. :) Wraps I've worn but they are still quite concealing. This skirt while long leaves nothing to the imagination. I have no issues with it, no else seems to either, other than its a bit constricting.
Today I met two new colleagues (women) at work. The general tone of the conversation about clothes etc they were totally accepting. In addition I've noticed that the personal space women give me at meetings where there a lot of people has become much smaller. Evidence points to significant progress. :)
Hi K
Glad to read the latest posts from you. Consulting for surgery, wearing tight skirts, fitting in better with the women at work. yep it reads like progress to me. Sorry to read about things still being a bit rocky on the home front but hang in there girl.
Hugs,
Laurie
I'm not the only gender non conforming at person at work. :) The next door class has a gender fluid Teachers Assistant. Maybe with more of us it might become a bit more normalized.
Just an interesting observation on how to build customer loyalty. I went to two different dollar stores today to get some things we needed. As background its Saturday and I shaved and moisturized but applied no makeup and my clothes are just on the feminine side of gender neutral (feeling lazy!) Even I can see that there is a bit of shadow without the concealer. Not much but enough I think. In addition I have a cold so voice is... not ideal today.
In the first, they were welcoming and used the correct form of address no less than three times in 2 minutes.
In the second He was surely, stared at my breasts, and would barely communicate with me at all.
Hmm... I have to wonder where I'll be going if I need something next time?
I was in a local 7/11 the other day and the lady in at that time always sits me even after correcting her. Her male cohort sired my twice so just to be snarled I read them both the riot act. I point blank said I don't think you have seen a sir with long hair , painted nails woman's cloths and breasts yet you insist on calling me sir. I didn't care who was there. The next morning I had to stop in when our coffee cream went bad and the same male was there and was more than pleasant calling me ma'am the whole time I was there. Some people learn quick
How is it that you can feel sick, sound like a bullfrog due to a cold, not bother with makeup, wear
gender neutral clothes, yet still get more gender acceptance than usual? Sometimes its a mystery to me. Even the people who insist on siring me got it right today.
Quote from: krobinson103 on June 14, 2018, 02:45:00 AM
In addition I've noticed that the personal space women give me at meetings where there a lot of people has become much smaller.
That's something I'm having to get used to with strangers when I'm "presenting" and wearing my sunglasses. I don't like it with men either. Look but don't touch does apply.
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/72q9P6
Yay! Hips are catching up with the rest of me. :) Go HRT!
Quote from: krobinson103 on June 18, 2018, 02:37:22 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/72q9P6
Yay! Hips are catching up with the rest of me. :) Go HRT!
Dear Krobinson103.... Thanks for including a link to your photo... you are looking good.
My experience is that when HRT starts doing it's job the results become more frequently dramatic and significant as time goes on.
This is all very exciting for sure.
Thank you for keeping us updated.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on June 14, 2018, 02:45:00 AM
Today I met two new colleagues (women) at work. The general tone of the conversation about clothes etc they were totally accepting. In addition I've noticed that the personal space women give me at meetings where there a lot of people has become much smaller. Evidence points to significant progress. :)
That is wonderful to hear!
Chrissy
Yesterday I found out my eldest daughters true feelings about my transition. She thinks I'm crazy and should be in a mental hospital. I feel sad that She cannot follow me on this journey. However, I knew the cost might be high. I've lost my wife, and my daughter may or may not accept me. If the price of my life and future happiness is my family, so be it.
Quote from: krobinson103 on June 20, 2018, 02:21:53 PM
Yesterday I found out my eldest daughters true feelings about my transition. She thinks I'm crazy and should be in a mental hospital. I feel sad that She cannot follow me on this journey. However, I knew the cost might be high. I've lost my wife, and my daughter may or may not accept me. If the price of my life and future happiness is my family, so be it.
@krobinson103: This is obviously very difficult for you to deal with... I am certain that with this revelation from your daughter that this is extremely distressing for you to say the least.
You have my best wishes in mind and I trust that there can be a way for you to handle your transition is such a way that your relationships can be healed.
My heart breaks for you about this....
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle
A rock and a hard place
I have responsibilities to support my daughters and provide my 'wife' who cares nothing about me with what they need to establish themselves. She is still not 100% capable of supporting herself here. The kids need a Father, but other than my youngest no one even wants me in the house besides what I can provide. So I pay the bills, sort out the problems, but at all turns get criticized for not doing anything well enough, that I'm 'embarrassing' and even crazy.
I know that what I'm doing is essential for my continued happiness or if I wish to continue to keep living at all. This is me, has always been me and I don't care what others think, see, or even say about it. In fact if I lose EVERYTHING of my past life its still worth the price.
I can't leave my family in their current state, I can't live in this house the way things are. Right now there is no way we can support two households, it would be foolish in the extreme. I'm sure there is a way forward but right now I can't see it...
Tomorrow WILL be an awesome day.. somehow.
I don't know the details of your life and household, but it always sounds explosive to me. I know how bad it is to want to transition and be our true selves. It just sounds like your family is having a very hard time coming to terms with things...?
It's just a hard situation to be in.
They definitely need time to adjust. I wish changing genders was more widely accepted and understood.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Quote from: Allison S on June 21, 2018, 12:04:27 AM
I don't know the details of your life and household, but it always sounds explosive to me. I know how bad it is to want to transition and be our true selves. It just sounds like your family is having a very hard time coming to terms with things...?
It's just a hard situation to be in.
They definitely need time to adjust. I wish changing genders was more widely accepted and understood.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Its hard for them yes, but I think the only answer is distance. I can't come home to hostility everyday. There has to be a solution...
Quote from: krobinson103 on June 20, 2018, 02:21:53 PM
Yesterday I found out my eldest daughters true feelings about my transition. She thinks I'm crazy and should be in a mental hospital. I feel sad that She cannot follow me on this journey. However, I knew the cost might be high. I've lost my wife, and my daughter may or may not accept me. If the price of my life and future happiness is my family, so be it.
Hello KRobinson
I truly feel for you that your wife is so disapproving and that your eldest daughter thinks you're crazy. This must be so painful. Sadly it is so often the case that our family members are the most difficult to understand/approve.
As you suggest, distance may be the only possible solution but I hope ultimately they accept you of course.
Hugs
Pamela
The last few days I've been thinking. Thinking about what has actually changed since October of last year. The lists is long!
Physically I don't recognize myself and others certainly don't either. I've lost a lot of weight, a lot of muscle, my face is different, my skin is different, my hair is different, my shape is different. I have almost no body hair now, my smell has changed and even if I sweat I could wear the same clothes several days in a row - something I never could have done before. I wear clothes that are 3-4 sizes smaller, and I've lost a lot of strength. I look and feel 5-10 years younger.
Mentally I'm a thousand times happier. No more anxiety or anger or empty wishing for a new body. I like my body and this in itself is a gift beyond price. But it goes further. I THINK differently, react emotionally differently (as in actually have emotions) are more patient, no longer driven to do 1000 things every day. This second puberty thing is a challenge in that impulsivity is off the scale, and libido while very different is off the scale atm.
Socially I feel... more alive more open to conversations, and actually enjoy talking and interacting with people, almost need it (shocking change that one). Women have let me into the club and men treat me differently... not sure what to make of that one yet! People accept me as a women 95% of the time now. My records and id are switched over and it still feels a bit odd to see mail that is actually gendered right arrive.
Another facet of it all is career and the loss of white male privilege. Its a thing. You don't really know it exists till you don't have it. I don't mind losing it, but especially in teaching for men, promotion comes quicker, jobs are easier to find, and in general people value your opinion more. I don't mind too much as I've never sought status anyway.
In terms of things I can actively do to transition further the list is quite short... wait! Frustrating to be sure but I've got everything in process so its matter of the system catching up. Family is still sorting it all out and I'm not sure where that lands.
The next steps are quite clear. Get surgery (orchie - this year with luck), save for srs and commercial facial removal (home laser has taken me as far as it going to I suspect). Most of all though, I need to let my internal body image catch up. I'm still surprised when people accept me as a woman. I still look in the mirror and go - thats really me how did this happen? It hasn't sunk in that for all intents and purposes I've done what I set out to do. I think its going to take six months for a year for that to consolidate and be able to accept the new normal.
I'm really not sure what happens next. I do know that I'm happy and content for the most part. Maybe that was the goal all along. I'm also sure that despite the cost and the pain transition caused and will cause it was all worth it and I'd do it again in a heart beat.
No regrets, tomorrow is another day and it will be awesome.
Great experiences all around KR. Tomorrow is tomorrrow and it will bring what it brings. I just started laser and I'm impressed so far. It won't do much for my face, way too much white but the other colors are going away. I know what you mean by the mental feelings being so much better.
I love that I can pass and even stranger that people really do not recognize me. Had another comment last night asking who the woman was in my face book album. I
Love that part. As for privilege I really haven't noticed. So far this summer every quote I've done has been accepted where as it's typically 20 %. Someone suggested it may be the breasts. Lol
It's weird how many similarities there are in our journey. October start on prescription meds. Weight lose and changes along the way. I'm now just under 200 and that's Alonso 100 pounds lost in 16 months. The mail I'll get straighten out soon. Had a letter arrive the other day with MS Donna all over the letter and Mr Donna on the address. Dummies but it's the government so no changing that. Lol
A red letter day!
My wedding suit which has been ill fitting for at least six months has been moved to the donate pile. That was the last item of male clothing I own. I think it means I'm ready to leave the past behind and move on. :)
Well done. Mine is still I. The closet with my funeral suit as well. Don't know why, neither will fit me anyways. Lol need to do it as I
Need more space for blouses and deesses
Quote from: Donna on June 23, 2018, 06:29:49 PM
Well done. Mine is still I. The closet with my funeral suit as well. Don't know why, neither will fit me anyways. Lol need to do it as I
Need more space for blouses and deesses
I tried it on this morning. the sleeves were twice as big as they needed to be, the pants were 3 sizes too big, and the shoulders were twice as wide as would actually fit me. Made NO sense to keep it. I looked like a kid wearing Dads suit. Estrogen has done a lot to change the shape of me!
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/2w4U57
Hmm still have a way to go, but I like the skirt.
I don't have any of my "male" clothing I used to own. Not even the jacket my dad bought me for my birthday (2 days after I began taking hormones). Lol
Good riddance to all that once was, and hello today and tomorrow. 💗
I'm definitely seeing a feminine vibe with your facial features. Your hormones are doing their job. Keep up the good work.
Quote from: krobinson103 on June 23, 2018, 05:16:20 PM
A red letter day!
My wedding suit which has been ill fitting for at least six months has been moved to the donate pile. That was the last item of male clothing I own. I think it means I'm ready to leave the past behind and move on. :)
Definitely a memorable event to enjoy. This is a right of passage when you no longer own and wear any male clothing. I am happy for you that your transition is progressing so well... and I do sincerely hope and trust that you can work out some kind of amicable arrangement with your family relationships. You are in my thoughts regarding that..
Please keep updating .... we want to know!!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Well today I feel confident enough to wear a knee length skirt for the first time. Not much of a first I suppose but significant anyway. :)
The staff position on my schools board of trustees is open for election. I'm seriously tempted to add some diversity to the mix and force the school to bring gender and sexuality related to more prominence.
Quote from: krobinson103 on June 25, 2018, 02:20:27 PM
Well today I feel confident enough to wear a knee length skirt for the first time. Not much of a first I suppose but significant anyway. :)
Any such first is worth celebrating. Any pics? ;)
Quote from: krobinson103 on June 25, 2018, 07:43:22 PM
The staff position on my schools board of trustees is open for election. I'm seriously tempted to add some diversity to the mix and force the school to bring gender and sexuality related to more prominence.
Yeah, go for it!
Well I'm faced with an interesting decision that could have some big effects on the future.
To recap marriage is a sham at best atm. Is there hope? Maybe but there is no intimacy in the picture ... ever.
Through local connections on social media I hooked up with another trans women. In the same country but quite far away. Now here's the rub. My feeling after chatting for a while is that there is real potential for a relationship of one sort or the other - long term maybe. Now moving far away would get rid of the people who knew me problem, but it means I'd see less of the kids. I wouldn't miss my wife, but the kids are different.
So, I face an interesting decision. Do I explore where it could go, and surely doom the marriage and create a split household (likely to happen anyway) or do I back away and see if there hope left?
After much soul searching I've come to a decision.
My family needs support but that can't doom to me to loveless life. So, I've laid down some terms and the response is so far positive. My wife doesn't want me as anything more than a support for her and the kids. Thats what she is going to get. I am have spoken with my friend and said that if she (pre hrt trans women) is willing to wait a 6 months to a year and we stay in touch and are still in the right space then I'm willing to give it a go. She is willing to do this and to be honest She also has a son so time is actually a good thing before actions are taken that cause waves.
Technically I'm still married but its no more than an empty shell so I'm going to do my best to set up my wife and kids to be self sustaining, remain available to the kids and see if I can't find happiness in this life. Selfish? I suppose but I need someone who wants me for me... not who I was.
@krobinson103 Well, your very last 2 postings are certainly a big turning point in your life.... most of us can feel your pain as you navigate in these uncharted waters. I am glad that you are giving all of this very careful thought with consideration for your present situation for your family.
I can only offer one piece of my unsolicited advice...
Please continue to proceed slowly and very carefully with any new romantic entanglements... make certain that you have everything in order BEFORE your emotions (and hormones) get ahead of you. Wrapping up all the loose ends of your home situation as you have been doing with you wife and kids is a priority that obviously takes precedence. (end of my unrequited counsel)
Thanks for your update... I am wishing you well as always.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 28, 2018, 09:19:17 AM
@krobinson103
Well, your very last 2 postings are certainly a big turning point in your life.... most of us can feel your pain as you navigate in these uncharted waters. I am glad that you are giving all of this very careful thought with consideration for your present situation for your family.
I can only offer one piece of my unsolicited advice...
Please continue to proceed slowly and very carefully with any new romantic entanglements... make certain that you have everything in order BEFORE your emotions (and hormones) get ahead of you. Wrapping up all the loose ends of your home situation as you have been doing with you wife and kids is a priority that obviously takes precedence.
(end of my unrequited counsel)
Thanks for your update... I am wishing you well as always.
Hugs,
Danielle
Yes I agree with your advice. I also think if it something that really would work out long term its worth waiting for. After careful thought it becomes clearer to me that the best person to accept for who I am is another trans women. Since I'm bi it doesn't matter to me what gender my partner is, in fact somewhere in the middle wouldn't even bother me.
So it comes down to this; what will it take for everyone in my closest circle to be happy? The more I transition the less my wife will be comfortable this has become VERY clear. I have a responsibility to SUPPORT them but to not to live a life of lonelyness because of it. My wife and I have discussed this, and both agree that right now its smart to just live as house mates. I also have some career issues to sort right now.
But, my gut tells me this one shouldn't get away. Its the same feeling I had with my wife back in Korea, the same feeling that told me it was time to change careers, and the same feeling that told me to transition. Its the right thing to do. If She can wait - and I hope She can then I can see a future where everyone is happier and I get some of the things I want out of life while being there for the kids. If not, its still the catalyst for change that was needed to get the ball moving again.
It is a crossroads, but one that had to come, and one that once passed through means life can stop being on pause and everyone can move on with their lives happier in the long term. There is certainly an element of puberty mark 2 in this. Whats left of old me is whispering (cause theres not much left!) its a big risk and it is, but transition was a HUGE risk and its worked out well so far.
Its time to take the risk, roll the dice and accept how it lands
Well so far so good. I'm actually glad there is a distance because HRT has pushed my hormones so high that judgement is... unreliable at the moment. The wise course is time and that has been agreed on. But the more I explore this new road the more it fits. There is going to be hell to pay with my wife I suspect but it may be the best thing we can do.
I still need till the end of the year to sort out some work issues and I think that shouldn't be a problem. After that? I have no idea.
This has been a year of changes and they keep on coming! Next week I have the last consult with the counselor before it gets pushed to the surgery team (eek) so the point of no return is coming up fast.
I feel... powerful today for some reason. I think its to do with people actually noticing me as a women and that has buried some doubts that have been annoying me. I think that today for the first time I really feel I've achieved my goal. I am a women. Work to do yes, but no feeling of being fake or inadequate anymore.
That is an absolutely wonderful and powerful feeling. It make all the bad days so worth it at least for me. I'm so happy for you finally feeling you have become. Congratulations
Well finally some potential closure. I've thought deeply, and asked my wife what she wants. She wants to be happy. She doesn't mind if we separate amiably, and since its over between us she doesn't care if I meet someone else. In addition, once I get through the full registration process at work this year there is nothing to hold me here except the kids who will be better off without fighting.
I've decided to give it a year to clean up the loose ends of this life, set up my wife and kids with the family home with the understanding when it sells I get half, and start again far from here. Its time to accept that a new phase of life must begin.
Wow. Big stuff. I hope this works out for everyone involved.
It's got to be so hard after hoping it would work out.
All you can do is what's the best. Wishing you well and hoping for the best
Well we made some real progress today.
I told my wife about my girlfriend and my plans for the next few years. She agrees its the way to go as long as the kids are supported and She has a place to live. So the plan is to let her and the kids live in the house and figure out the logistics over the next year or so. A big relief!
MASSIVE PROGRESS!
My request for surgery has been approved by the gate keeping team and has been passed onto the surgical team. That means another wait (of course) but its a gonna happen. :) In addition I have a recommendation for vocal training all for free. :)
Happy me.
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 09, 2018, 12:45:49 AM
MASSIVE PROGRESS!
My request for surgery has been approved by the gate keeping team and has been passed onto the surgical team. That means another wait (of course) but its a gonna happen. :) In addition I have a recommendation for vocal training all for free. :)
Happy me.
@krobinson103 Agreed, "Happy You" ....
....and all of your readers and followers are very happy and jubilant to hear your good news.
Of course you will keep us all updated frequently as you have been doing on your thread!!!
Thank you so very much for posting this great news.
Hugs and well wishes...
Danielle
That is great and massive news. Way to go and this wait will very likely fly by.
I can't imagine how over the top happy you have got to be
Yay! My hair is actually long enough I can tame it a little and not look like a castaway. :) Things are getting better.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/8V6j5S
Today I put a fear to rest. Wearing a swimsuit in public. No one even looked twice. :) If I can pass in a swimsuit I can pass anywhere. :) I did decide to compare my 'before' picture to this one and err... yes things have changed!
This is a time of... waiting. Its given me a chance to really reflect on what I have achieved in the last 10 months. Last October/November I was ready to check out. Now I look back and realize that;
Legally everything is done
My relationship status has at least come to a point where I know what the future will look like
Physically I have almost everything I wanted
I've at least subdued facial hair to a point it doesn't annoy me too much
Surgery (orchie) is approved and now I just need to wait
I have plan to make srs happen
I have a plan to keep supporting my family and live a life in which I can be happy
I 'pass' if that matters most of the time
But most importantly I've realized that gender isn't binary. Yes I like being a woman, but I realize that part of me is masculine as well. I spent so many years running away from that I forgot that its ok! I look in the mirror and don't say "omg I'm too...." rather I say "I like being me"
Perhaps, at the end of the day that's what is the most important. I like being me. I don't have to hide, or try to be something I'm not. I think in fairness that's all you can really ask out of life. :)
Life is awesome and every day has potential.
@krobinson103 Thank you for wonderful posting your brief transition summary for the last 10 months.
Here are your last several sentences.... very well written expression of your thoughts that many of your readers and followers will agree with:
Quote
"But most importantly I've realized that gender isn't binary. Yes I like being a woman, but I realize that part of me is masculine as well. I spent so many years running away from that I forgot that its ok! I look in the mirror and don't say "omg I'm too...." rather I say "I like being me"
Perhaps, at the end of the day that's what is the most important. I like being me. I don't have to hide, or try to be something I'm not. I think in fairness that's all you can really ask out of life. :)
Life is awesome and every day has potential"
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us....
Oh, and I read in the previous post that you have passed the swimming suit test!!!! Very affirming for sure and does wonders for your self-confidence! The swimming suit gauntlet is an important right of passage for most transistioners... CONGRATULATIONS
Hugs,
Danielle
OK! Now we are getting some progress. Letter from the hospital asking for ID to confirm if the govt will pay. :) That means orchie is in the system and will happen! Not sure how much more waiting there is but I it will happen probably this year.
Some months ago I saw a flier for a woman's support group. I thought about it and in the end didn't go. I met the organizer on yesterday and she asked if I'd like to go. I said hang on, I'm trans surely that might be an issue. She said no. So I went and I have to say it was very helpful and I was accepted. Also turns out she literally lives next door lol.
The lesson in this one? Don't make assumptions of other peoples tolerance to different. :)
So glad the orchi will be happening for you. That had to be a stress release for you. I get my date this coming Monday and I will so happy to have it. Glad things are comming around for you.
Well my suspicions were right. I've gained an inch in bust size over the last few months with measurements of 46 38. Sadly hips are still stalled out at 44 inches. Though they do seem a bit wider.
Got to love the gain but not having to buy all new bras again. Love the new picture girl, your looking happier and the top is great
Quote from: Donna on July 20, 2018, 06:45:00 AM
Got to love the gain but not having to buy all new bras again. Love the new picture girl, your looking happier and the top is great
Not quite new bra time yet. I'd need c 1/2 and they don't exist! Thanks I like that photo cause its me in public with the family...
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 20, 2018, 01:07:40 PM
Not quite new bra time yet. I'd need c 1/2 and they don't exist! Thanks I like that photo cause its me in public with the family...
@krobinson103 .... As you are already are aware, women's clothing sizes and bra sizes can vary a lot ... I am presently wearing a 34c but I have other bras that for me fit properly that are 32d, 34b, 36b, and even a 36c... the only way to know for sure is to try them on ... hopefully before you buy them or at least keep your receipt so that you can return them if necessary.
By the way... your new avatar profile picture is terrific... you look absolutely wonderful... your HRT is clearly doing it's job!!!
Thanks for your update.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 20, 2018, 02:44:28 PM
@krobinson103 .... As you are already are aware, women's clothing sizes and bra sizes can vary a lot ... I am presently wearing a 34c but I have other bras that for me fit properly that are 32d, 34b, 36b, and even a 36c... the only way to know for sure is to try them on ... hopefully before you buy them or at least keep your receipt so that you can return them if necessary.
By the way... your new avatar profile picture is terrific... you look absolutely wonderful... your HRT is clearly doing it's job!!!
Thanks for your update.
Hugs,
Danielle
Thanks. At the moment its the fact that facial hair is losing that makes a difference thats 6pm having shaved at 6am, a big improvement. Also getting a lot better at makeup so it looks more natural and quite fast to apply. I think changes due to HRT have really slowed down except for breast growth. Which by the constant tenderness despite a much reduced dose of e hasn't let up. Within the next 3 months orchie will happen at which point I expect more changes due to no source of t left except for the adrenal gland.
Just a small update. My wife and I had a chat after going to the movies with the kids and at least have a peace of sorts. She sees my position, but isn't ready to support herself financially or even socially. The kids may not like having a female dad but they prefer it to no dad. We will probably strive to live together in the same place but lead separate lives in terms of who we meet etc.
This means financially we can be stable but still be relatively happy. For now I don't want to turn over the apple cart. Girl friend agrees that for now such an arrangement is smart and besides she is hardly ready to turn her life upside down either. I don't think its ideal, but I think its smart and will lead to a far more amiable future separation / divorce with less impact on the children.
On more mundane matters I went to air soft for the first time in months. The reception lady looked at me for 30 seconds before identifying me and more than 70% of the people got my pronouns right despite wearing military gear and carrying a bunch of guns with a face mask on and yelling orders to the team. Can't get much more masculine than that. My load carrying capacity is much lower however. Had to pare down what I usually carry quite a lot. Better than the last time though where I didn't get through one game without running out of energy. Body is feeling a lot better and I lasted the whole day running etc with little sign of tiredness. My pain sensitivity seems to have ramped up with hits hurting more than they used to.
The most important thing though was... even if people do misgender me I don't care anymore. After much consideration I've decided the reason I don't care is that I've accepted something quite profound (for me anyway). I don't actually identify as binary as such. 80/20 on the female side for sure, but there is a masculine side to me I don't want to let go and that's ok.
Fantastic KR. You are progressing so well. I think it's great you and the wife and family have found a compromise. It's the best someone can hope for over a complete break up and I hope it helps everyone remain best friends and family
Really crappy day today. Manager at work introduced me to a new co worker and used 'he'. In fairness She probably didn't do it on purpose but it hurts when then are new people. Then I got a letter from the hospital it said, you have been accepted but have to wait four months for initial consultation and oh by the way your case has the lowest possible urgency - thanks. I know from talking to others it can take up to four months after consult for surgery so thats a further EIGHT months to wait.. arrrggh!
Then dysphoria hit me out of the blue. I don't know why but I just feel totally sick of fighting for my rightful place in this world. Why does it have to be so difficult to just be you? Why do I have to alter myself to even feel like I fit? Why can't I be happy without having to fight every little step to get there? Today is not a good day. Tomorrow will be a good day, but right now I just don't see it...
Dysphoria BEGONE!
Sorry to hear that KR. It does suck having these wait time. We all feel for you and can understand. Look at it this way, it shouldn't be any longer and they may get a cancelation and move you up. Getting on lists can be the hardest part. I'm sending you anti dysphoria smoke and I hope it helps. Love you girl
The light is darkest before the dawn.
This year I've probably had my lowest lows and highest highs. But the trend has been constant. Life is getting better. Yesterday did something I thought I would NEVER be able to do. I went to an all women support group. No one knew me there. I walked in, and was simply... accepted. No questions, no odd looks. During the intro I felt I should be honest. So I told them exactly where I came from and where I'm going and you know what? No one cares. They accepted me... for me.
Work is coming together and the evidence I've collected and have been collating shows that you know what? I'm meeting standards. My family situation is beginning to stabilize with my wife and I coming to a resolution, new possibilities on the horizon, and my kids accepting me as me as much they can at this time.
Surgery will happen. It might take 8 months but it will be free and it is going to happen. I have no more dysphoria bar waiting for surgery and the useless extra bits. But the knowledge they have a target painted on them makes it bearable. I like what I see in the mirror and apart from almost constant breast pain (but... that means stuff is growing) I have no complaints about my body. I've tamed facial hair to the point that a full day doesn't make any difference in how people perceive me.
I just feel... at peace with the world. :)
Its darkest before the dawn... and dawn is just around the corner.
I am so glad that you are appear to be feeing great and happy and at peace with the world.
You have achieved so much and your comments are an inspiration to so many of us.
Hugs
Pamela
If this is the "darness before the dawn", then you have a bright future indeed, because your present is sounding pretty bright! I am so glad that everything is going well for you.
MAJOR TRAUMA!
I <GULP> had my hair tidied up a bit not much loss in length but I definitely don't like cutting any part of my hair chaotic and messy or not... :'(
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 25, 2018, 02:21:59 PM
MAJOR TRAUMA!
I <GULP> had my hair tidied up a bit not much loss in length but I definitely don't like cutting any part of my hair chaotic and messy or not... :'(
I know that was probably quite traumatic for you as it was for me when I first started growing out my hair.... but we need to have it appear neat and tidy also..
Now, years later I can have several inches cut off, like I do for most summers without a 2nd thought, then I will let it grow out to just below shoulder length again.
Hugs,
Danielle
Very happy!
I needed new bras. Went to the store and tried some on (first time to do that in a store) and found that d cup is the most comfortable fit. :) In addition I got a letter from the urologist to contact to arrange an appointment time so I should be able to know when my appointment is on Monday or Tuesday next week. :) That puts surgery potentially in sight by the end of the year! The light at the end of the tunnel is getting really close.
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 26, 2018, 11:55:09 PM
Very happy!
I needed new bras. Went to the store and tried some on (first time to do that in a store) and found that d cup is the most comfortable fit. :) In addition I got a letter from the urologist to contact to arrange an appointment time so I should be able to know when my appointment is on Monday or Tuesday next week. :) That puts surgery potentially in sight by the end of the year! The light at the end of the tunnel is getting really close.
@krobinson103 This is double good news:
First, finally feeling comfortable trying on women's garments in the store's women's fitting/dressing rooms... chalk up another right of passage for your transition journey.
Second This is great news about your appointment... and a scheduled surgery by the end of the year... fantastic news.
The other good news is that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train!!! ;)
Thank you for sharing with your followers...
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 27, 2018, 12:03:05 AM
@krobinson103
This is double good news:
First, finally feeling comfortable trying on women's garments in the store's women's fitting/dressing rooms... chalk up another right of passage for your transition journey.
Second This is great news about your appointment... and a scheduled surgery by the end of the year... fantastic news.
The other good news is that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train!!! ;)
Thank you for sharing with your followers...
Hugs,
Danielle
Never thought I'd never get any where near D cup either and stuff is still growing. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 27, 2018, 12:48:37 AM
Never thought I'd never get any where near D cup either and stuff is still growing. :)
@krobinson103 Oh yeah, a D cup is great progress in your HRT journey.... there is definitively no doubt about your appearance now, passing should be very easy and not a problem. Hopefully the boob growth will slow down a little soon or do you want bigger and more???
How about your female relatives and parents... what kind of boobage do they have that you might be getting??????
Hiugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 27, 2018, 12:58:34 AM
@krobinson103
Oh yeah, a D cup is great progress in your HRT journey.... there is definitively no doubt about your appearance now, passing should be very easy and not a problem. Hopefully the boob growth will slow down a little soon or do you want bigger and more???
How about your female relatives and parents... what kind of boobage do they have that you might be getting??????
Hiugs,
Danielle
I don't want more to be honest. D is just about exactly where I want it. It doesn't seem to be slowing down though. My mother is DDD... so hopefully it stops soon. Passing isn't an issue these days if I shave once every 24 hours.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/XCMfe2
Being silly with my daughter... more for timeline purposes than anything else.
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 27, 2018, 04:28:51 AM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/XCMfe2
Being silly with my daughter... more for timeline purposes than anything else.
@krobinson103 Wowzers... a terrific picture of you, you are looking wonderful... and I am not seeing any of your old-self in that photo.... Passing should be a breeze for you lately.
Thanks for treating your followers to snapshots of your journey and your life events.
Hugs,
Danielle
Great, you feel comfortable in getting fitting in person, that is best way to get a good fitting bra as different styles and manufactures bras fit differently. For your figure a D is a good size for you, much larger and they will interfere with some activities. Good surgery is moving along with possibly having it this year.
Well relationships seem to be settling.
Wife is adjusting to the new normal. We actually hugged this morning. First time in 6 months at least. Never be a couple as such again though. Girl friend initiated video chat and we talked for 40 minutes and the word love sneaked in there for the first time. I am feeling cautiously optimistic on the relationship front.
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 27, 2018, 11:20:39 PM
Well relationships seem to be settling.
Wife is adjusting to the new normal. We actually hugged this morning. First time in 6 months at least. Never be a couple as such again though. Girl friend initiated video chat and we talked for 40 minutes and the word love sneaked in there for the first time. I am feeling cautiously optimistic on the relationship front.
@krobinson103 You now have your readers and followers attention... especially with your latest picture and your good news report about your breast growth and body apperance, etc...
I am happy for your sake, your wife's sake and for your daughter's sake that her mom and dad are at least still talking with each other and will both be there for her.
It is interesting about your new girlfriend however, I take it that your wife is aware?? How does all of that play out??
Wishing you well with your important life decisions and relationships that are apparently changing.
Thank you for you update, please keep us posted about you continued transition progress and some of your other life events, but only as you feel comfortable doing....
We are your biggest fans here and we only want to wish you the best.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 27, 2018, 11:20:39 PM
Well relationships seem to be settling.
Wife is adjusting to the new normal. We actually hugged this morning. First time in 6 months at least. Never be a couple as such again though. Girl friend initiated video chat and we talked for 40 minutes and the word love sneaked in there for the first time. I am feeling cautiously optimistic on the relationship front.
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,
That sounds like doubly good news! Congratulations, things are moving along nicely for you!
Is your girlfriend in NZ ie able to visit etc? Good luck!
Sonja.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 28, 2018, 12:56:46 AM
@krobinson103
You now have your readers and followers attention... especially with your latest picture and your good news report about your breast growth and body apperance, etc...
I am happy for your sake, your wife's sake and for your daughter's sake that her mom and dad are at least still talking with each other and will both be there for her.
It is interesting about your new girlfriend however, I take it that your wife is aware?? How does all of that play out??
Wishing you well with your important life decisions and relationships that are apparently changing.
Thank you for you update, please keep us posted about you continued transition progress and some of your other life events, but only as you feel comfortable doing....
We are your biggest fans here and we only want to wish you the best.
Hugs,
Danielle
Yes she is aware of these developments. Keeping it on the low burner till next year and work stuff is resolved. I really put some thought into it and this way wife gets her space, I get to be happy, and kids have parents who don't hate each other.
Quote from: Sonja on July 28, 2018, 01:09:23 AM
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,
That sounds like doubly good news! Congratulations, things are moving along nicely for you!
Is your girlfriend in NZ ie able to visit etc? Good luck!
Sonja.
She lives in New Zealand just quite far away. Good for now. She will HRT soon and it will be an interesting ride - one where having her own space is important.
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 28, 2018, 01:34:08 AM
Yes she is aware of these developments. Keeping it on the low burner till next year and work stuff is resolved. I really put some thought into it and this way wife gets her space, I get to be happy, and kids have parents who don't hate each other.
@krobinson103 I know that in some of your past updates that you have discussed this and I think that it is wonderful that you and our wife have come to an amicable compromise or solution....
Thank you for your assurance that you and your family will be OK. This is a big relief to all of us that follow your thread and postings.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 28, 2018, 01:42:00 AM
@krobinson103
I know that in some of your past updates that you have discussed this and I think that it is wonderful that you and our wife have come to an amicable compromise or solution....
Thank you for your assurance that you and your family will be OK. This is a big relief to all of us that follow your thread and postings.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Life never turns out the way you predict it might. I had no expectations of getting as far as I have in such a short time even a year ago. Five years ago I no idea I'd end up teaching special needs back in New Zealand. 14 years ago I had no idea I'd end up in Korea. You just have to take the opportunities as they come. For the first time in my life and I am truly content and happy. That's all you can really ask.
Bit nervous today. Going to ring the hospital to book the time for my surgery consult. Hopefully its sooner rather than later. :)
@krobinson103 Nervousness is not required... things will happen as they are supposed to happen.
YES, I really hope that you get an early appointment... less waiting and anticipation for a firm decision that you have already made will be much better.
And regarding your other comment... you are right, there are so many variables and things that happen in each of our lives that we have very little control over...
what you stated is so good that it is worth repeating.Quote[author Krobingson103]
Life never turns out the way you predict it might. I had no expectations of getting as far as I have in such a short time even a year ago. Five years ago I no idea I'd end up teaching special needs back in New Zealand. 14 years ago I had no idea I'd end up in Korea. You just have to take the opportunities as they come. For the first time in my life and I am truly content and happy. That's all you can really ask.
Thanks for your update.
As always I am wishing you well,
Hugs,
Daneille
Interesting experience last weekend. Chatting online as I like to do when this guy decides to hit on me. So I say thanks but no thanks. Won't give up. So I ask what part of no is unclear? I get the response 'feisty'. This made me reflect a bit. As a man no one would call me that just go away. So why is a woman who won't be pushed seen any differently? The world holds you different standards it seems. I suppose this one of those being trans shows you these differences cause you see them from both sides.
I see it at work as well. Promotion comes faster to men, its easier to get a job, and your opinion holds more weight. Even a year ago I would have said male privilege was a minor thing. Its not. Finding it hard to wrap my head around the idea that just cause you have breasts etc that you are somehow perceived as less capable.
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 29, 2018, 02:47:11 PM
Interesting experience last weekend. Chatting online as I like to do when this guy decides to hit on me. So I say thanks but no thanks. Won't give up. So I ask what part of no is unclear? I get the response 'feisty'. This made me reflect a bit. As a man no one would call me that just go away. So why is a woman who won't be pushed seen any differently? The world holds you different standards it seems. I suppose this one of those being trans shows you these differences cause you see them from both sides.
I see it at work as well. Promotion comes faster to men, its easier to get a job, and your opinion holds more weight. Even a year ago I would have said male privilege was a minor thing. Its not. Finding it hard to wrap my head around the idea that just cause you have breasts etc that you are somehow perceived as less capable.
@krobinson103 Regarding online sites and unwelcome aggressive messages from men. I have stated a few times on other threads here.... in the past, for a short time right after I started transitioning I was on OKCupid and POF... and I started out trying to be polite when I would get an unwelcome message and even a unsavory first time message from a male, I would be polite and reply "no thank you" "not interested" etc... and I would get a nasty message back calling me much worse than stuck up, they would call me the "B" word, or the "C" word, or any other nasty word their limited minds could think of ... or another ploy of theirs would be to then write back and ask "why aren't you interested" etc.... if I were to reply to that question it would just open up a big can of worms and the return message from them goes downhill from their..........
So, the best policy that I finally came up with it to NOT REPLY (even politely) ..... IGNORE is the best response .... then if they keep on messaging... then BLOCKING (and reporting) is the only good option left. Reporting bad messages does not provide relief on many of the sites....
BUT the good news is that Susan's Place Forums is kept clean by the Mods and Administrators and "Reporting" does provide positive action.
Susan's is a safe and friendly place full of like-minded members..... this is the place to be for sure.
- - - - - - - - -
Regarding male privilege and employment situations..... I quit my old male job and immediately went full-time and relocated here to my new town to start my own woman owned business, so I fortunately bypassed all of those promotion and other job related interactions with male co-workers.... I realize that is not a realistic future employment plan for most others but it was the path that I was fortunate enough to take because of my accounting practice and education.
Hugs,
Danielle
Voice therapy 6th of August. Still on the waiting list for the other one. Oh well. Next week will be interesting anyhow. :)
Went to my support group last night. This weeks topic was commitment. Apart from just enjoying being accepted as a woman by cis women (very affirming in its own right) I realized that more and more its become about commitment.
Commitment to getting my career in order
Commitment to my wife's well being and future security
Commitment to my kids and their future
Commitment to new relationships and friends.
But mostly... commitment to being happy as me and accepting that the actions I need to take have consequences that are mostly negative (socially) in the short term but positive as you get further into the future.
I also finally feel like my body is my home. I feel more anchored to it. Before I just wanted to run away from it. These days it feels more welcoming and I actually like my physicality a new experience
Quote from: krobinson103 on July 31, 2018, 03:20:45 PM
Went to my support group last night. This weeks topic was commitment. Apart from just enjoying being accepted as a woman by cis women (very affirming in its own right) I realized that more and more its become about commitment.
Commitment to getting my career in order
Commitment to my wife's well being and future security
Commitment to my kids and their future
Commitment to new relationships and friends.
But mostly... commitment to being happy as me and accepting that the actions I need to take have consequences that are mostly negative (socially) in the short term but positive as you get further into the future.
I also finally feel like my body is my home. I feel more anchored to it. Before I just wanted to run away from it. These days it feels more welcoming and I actually like my physicality a new experience
Good thoughts. I wish you the best results.
Chrissy
Whats on top today?
Waiting. I HATE it. 90% of this journey involves just waiting for things to happen, waiting for the time to be right, waiting for agencies outside of your control. I simply want out of the tunnel that is transition (for me thats post orchie) and just get on with life. Probably another six months realistically till that happens. In a way it was easier when there was a lot to do cause you didn't have time to ponder on... waiting.
Facial hair thy time is up. One years course of laser booked in. :) The last stubborn remaments shall be cooked.
Oooo feel the burn! But enjoy the smoothness [emoji5]. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Today I want to talk about anxiety and fear and the effect it has on everything.
I've been looking at my professional journalling for work, re reading some of this rather long thread, and reflecting on life lately. I see a pattern I see a person who knew She was unhappy but did nothing about, knew that the status quo would lead to steady dissolution of the present situation but was stopped by fear.
On anxiety you don't even know its there if it hangs around long enough because it becomes normal. Being hyper aware and defensive is a way of life. Self doubt and fear of failure become loud and internal conflict between what you know to be true and what you think should be true take over.
Fear becomes a wall stopping self growth, or even happiness. Fear pervades every part of your life. Fear of failure, fear of letting people down, fear of reactions. Yet I have learned that fear is not a weakness but a source of strength. Every fear I face sets me up to face a larger one that has more effect on my life. This leads to success which bolsters self esteem and gives me the courage to face even larger challenges.
Since I started on hrt and transitioned towards being me I have received many comments along the lines of "you are a different person." They are right, and wrong. I think where I am now is the person I have always been but with so many self made barriers in the way that She never got a chance to be expressed. These barriers come from childhood trauma and the idea that if no one ever gets close then you can't be hurt. So yes I am the person I really should be but there is nothing new there.
On self image. Get up feel at home in your body. Look in the mirror, smile and say looking good. Compare that to a year ago. Get up damn horrible body, can't look in mirror. See a woman walk past (any woman) and think "lifes not fair". You know what? Life does provide opportunity if you look for it in every moment of every day. A small change today and the next day and so on leads to big goals.
If I ask myself the questions today "Am I anxious?" the answer is no. "Am I dysphoric?" No. "Do I know where I am going and how I get there?" Yes.
In the opening entry to this journal I wrote "today is a totally awesome day". I want to change that statement. to say;
Every day is a totally awesome day
Every day provides opportunities and challenges
Every challenge leads to an opportunity
Every fear faced leads to one more strength
Every strength leads to greater success
Success leads to self esteem
Self Esteem leads to happiness.
Cherish every day.
What a wonderful attitude you now possess. I find your present state certainly a form of motivation.
You have come far in as you say one year.
Your new 8 line statement and perhaps the whole post is well worthy of Danielle's "Positive Mindset" thread.
Congratulations on being where you are now and I wish you further success and happiness in the future and with your attitude and self esteem, you'll surely achieve that.
Hugs
Pamela
@krobinson103 Thank you for posting your update and discussing your transition details and thoughts... for anyone reading it ... it will be an encouragement for sure.
Thank you for feeling comfortable sharing this part of your personal life.
What you stated at the end of your post is really good stuff...
Again, thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote
In the opening entry to this journal I wrote "today is a totally awesome day". I want to change that statement. to say;
Every day is a totally awesome day
Every day provides opportunities and challenges
Every challenge leads to an opportunity
Every fear faced leads to one more strength
Every strength leads to greater success
Success leads to self esteem
Self Esteem leads to happiness.
Cherish every day.
Quote from: pamelatransuk on August 04, 2018, 05:16:53 AM
What a wonderful attitude you now possess. I find your present state certainly a form of motivation.
You have come far in as you say one year.
Your new 8 line statement and perhaps the whole post is well worthy of Danielle's "Positive Mindset" thread.
Congratulations on being where you are now and I wish you further success and happiness in the future and with your attitude and self esteem, you'll surely achieve that.
Hugs
Pamela
@pamelatransuk cc: krobinson103Dear Pamela:
EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS!!!! What
@krobinson103 wrote was indeed motivational and displays her great attitude about the ups and the downs of emotions and life events during transitioning. It is not all "roses" nor is it all "bad news" either.
As you stated, in just
one year of transtioning she has come so very far indeed.
I agree with you about the
8 line statement that
@krobinson103 composed at the end of her posting...
.....it is indeed worthy of being included in my "
Positive Mindset... put away negativity" (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.0.html) thread.
Please @krobinson103 feel free to share your entire posting there, or just the 8 line statement, or anything else you wish to post.
Your attitude is truly an inspiration to all that read your words and view your pictures.
Again, Pamela, thank you for your thoughts on all of this.
Hugs,
Danielle
Kelly,
You are doing so well! Keep your positive attitude and savor each day.
Chrissy
Thank you for your words of encouragement you are too kind. If someone sees my words and journey and finds strength in that I'm glad I could help. As to deserving that kind of praise I have to wonder. I'll explain.
We only get one shot at this life (what happens after is beyond the the scope of this thread so I won't go there) so why not seek the path you know to be right regardless of the personal cost? Everything I have done is in essence profoundly selfish, but I realized that cannot live your life for others. In this life its so easy to look at the what ifs. So easy to worry about others might think, so easy to say its too hard.
My personal opinion on life is that we are here for a reason. Every single one of us regardless of issues our ABilities (I won't say disabilities because everyones abilities far outweigh disabilities). I am grateful I have two beautiful children and a wife who stuck by me for 14 years regardless of my flaws. I may lose them because of this year and the path I have chosen. My Father and sister will struggle to understand the decisions I have yet to make just as they find the ones I have made hard.
But, those people who truly love you will stay with you it may just take time. I know in my heart that what I am doing is right for perhaps the first time in my life and at the end of the day that feeling is worth any cost. Those that can't or won't accept what is the right path? They can make their own choices. So to some this journey is anything but positive. The long run outcome however is positive... for everyone.
Well a new and interesting event in transition and puberty mark 2.0.
Libido more specifically a very enhanced version of. I don't remember it being this... insistent even back when I was a teenager. Hopefully it backs off a bit its rather distracting!
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 05, 2018, 01:26:34 AM
Well a new and interesting event in transition and puberty mark 2.0.
Libido more specifically a very enhanced version of. I don't remember it being this... insistent even back when I was a teenager. Hopefully it backs off a bit its rather distracting!
@krobinson103 Ahhhh, YES indeed, what you mentioned started happening in my transition at the ONE YEAR time frame and has continued on.... makes for interesting days when out and about among my friends, acquaintances, clients, and my suitors.
It's a jungle out there, be very careful !!!!! ;) >:-)
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 05, 2018, 01:26:34 AM
Well a new and interesting event in transition and puberty mark 2.0.
Libido more specifically a very enhanced version of. I don't remember it being this... insistent even back when I was a teenager. Hopefully it backs off a bit its rather distracting!
Must be one of those YMMV things. Ah, well, enjoy! ;)
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 05, 2018, 09:20:47 AM
@krobinson103
Ahhhh, YES indeed, what you mentioned started happening in my transition at the ONE YEAR time frame and has continued on.... makes for interesting days when out and about among my friends, acquaintances, clients, and my suitors.
It's a jungle out there, be very careful !!!!! ;) >:-)
Hugs,
Danielle
It doesn't help that I'm bi so just about everyone is a potential distraction! Funny thing is being pre op and pretty feminine now I can even find myself a little bit distracting. I like the mix of both genders in one body... :)
I think this program wants something from me lol... but I'll take the 29 bit!
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/U4dg3a
Well that was interesting.
Went to the speech therapy today and She gives me this form to fill out. Basically an assessment of dysphoria in regards to voice. I realize I don't feel all that dyphoric. So I go in we talk a bit. Turns out my comfortable pitch is 173hz which is pretty good, said I'd done 80% of the work I needed to do with the exercises I've already done and gave me some homework to work on consistancy. Also said that my voice is better than some male to female D.J.s so I must be doing ok!
That is great!
Chrissy
Its funny I'm the last to see it. When I started to pass everyone said so.. I didn't see it.
My wife said you don't need speech therapy you sound fine, therapist basically said the same just work on it some more... I didn't see it. How is it that I'm the one living all this and am the last to see anything when I achieve it?
People keep saying wow! You're so (brave strong insert word here) but I don't see that either. I see necessity. I didn't do any of this to be brave... I did because I didn't want to die. I face my fear because I don't like feeling uncomfortable. All the stuff I've done in the last 10 months has simply felt like a process I need to complete to be a whole person just once in my life. I just want to be happy. I can say that I am right at the moment, but I don't think anything I have achieved is any more or less than every one of us can. You just have to want it.
Todays topic - what is it to be female?
Yesterday at the support group a question came up "Why qualifiies you to be female?" The wording I think is a bit misguided but the intent made me think. So if you ignore the obvious physical differences which we all know about what makes a woman different to a man?
I think the influence of estrogen or testosterone on the brain is huge. So lets start with emotion.
Living under the influence of testosterone I had a very limited range of emotions and apart from anger or frustration didn't really feel any thing else. In face I could go so far as to say I could push emotion aside and be. Its a comfortable place to be but sterile and rather empty because emotion brings colour to the world. I could literally switch off feeling anything and simply think about the practicalities. People called me cold... suppose I was but I didn't know any better. I simply didn't feel the need to interact with people. I was very goal orientated. The goal was king... must achieve the goal no matter what!
With Estrogen in charge everyday is a roller coaster. Intense happiness, sadness, and all things in between. Life is full of color and flavor. Also means I sometimes overthink things, feel the need to worry about the small but important details in life and NEED social interaction. I feel pleasure talking about simple things or spending time with a friend. I notice a lot more details or changes in someone's appearance and usually feel the need to comment on it. :) I find myself to be more reflective, less reactive and more sensitive to the needs of others. These days I have goals but they don't consume me. I take a more holistic approach to achieving them.
But most of all the question is flawed. There are no 'qualifications' to be a man or woman because gender is a social construct. Men do this, wear this, woman do this. It doesn't fit me. I don't think it fits anyone. If anyone asks me what gender I am I say female because for most people those binary definitions count. For those who understand my gender is... me and me is enough.
I think the term 'male to female' is also a bit misleading. I think my transition is not about trying to fit a particular stereotype rather to be the person I need to be. I am transitioning to the real me.
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 07, 2018, 02:51:16 PM
It doesn't fit me. I don't think it fits anyone. If anyone asks me what gender I am I say female because for most people those binary definitions count. For those who understand my gender is... me and me is enough.
I think the term 'male to female' is also a bit misleading. I think my transition is not about trying to fit a particular stereotype rather to be the person I need to be. I am transitioning to the real me.
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,
In the year 2018 and into the future I think more and more people will come to realize that when asking about a person - the term male/female is less a complete definition and more of a starting point.
Sonja.
A major victory! Stubborn as a mule old fashioned manager tried to misgender me, looked at me, looked sheepish, apologized, and got it right! Take that...
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/K2m38s
Airsoft game in the rain. I used to be as built as the dude in black to my right! I definately dropped a lot of muscle in a year.
Today is the day of my first clinic laser hair removal appointment. I noticed shaving yesterday that in the areas I have succeeded in with my home device it liiterally takes one swipe with a razor and what little hair there is is gone. My chin and neck area remain a bit stubborn so its time for the big guns. This facial hair be GONE.
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 08, 2018, 12:31:47 PM
Today is the day of my first clinic laser hair removal appointment. I noticed shaving yesterday that in the areas I have succeeded in with my home device it liiterally takes one swipe with a razor and what little hair there is is gone. My chin and neck area remain a bit stubborn so its time for the big guns. This facial hair be GONE.
@krobinson103 This is terrific news and another milestone toward your transition goals. I have really been enjoying following you progress and your life endeavors here on your thread that you keep updated... and also your posts on the other various threads around the forums.
I am very happy for you that things are apparently going well for you.
I will keep reading, following and posting my thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle
Ouch... Ouch... Ouch
Ok commercial laser hurts a bit more than home laser. Not as bad as epilating which should be declared a war crime though. On other issues. Women tend to smile and make eye contact with women. I'm in the club cause they all do that now. :)
Musings on sexuality and HRT
Before I started getting into low T territory I was kinda obsessed as most when were and thought it felt pretty good. Now though the feeling is so much more powerful that it makes what I had before feel puny. It involves the whole body and with limited prompting is something I've never experienced before. All I can say is men are short changed! The even better thing is you can do it again... and again... and again. :)
If there is One thing I LOVE about being a girl (Heck I love most of it) this has to be it.
There haven't been any fights over the way I dress or present at home for over a month now and I haven't compromised on any items of clothing at all. Things are normalizing. At work any misgendering that happens has all been self corrected. Some exciting news is that by the end of the year a new law will go into effect making it easy to change gender on birth certificates (no court proceedings) so thats going to be my birthday or xmas present to myself - cut the last official tie to being male!
New SLT appointment in a week yay! Still waiting on consult for orchie. Overall I've been presenting exclusively female in every way now for over six months and it just feels normal now. :) Lots of compliments from the women at work especially about how happy and confident I seem as well as asking how I managed to appear so young and healthy looking.
Life is good!
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 07, 2018, 02:51:16 PM
Todays topic - what is it to be female?
Yesterday at the support group a question came up "Why qualifiies you to be female?" The wording I think is a bit misguided but the intent made me think. So if you ignore the obvious physical differences which we all know about what makes a woman different to a man?
I think the influence of estrogen or testosterone on the brain is huge. So lets start with emotion.
Living under the influence of testosterone I had a very limited range of emotions and apart from anger or frustration didn't really feel any thing else. In face I could go so far as to say I could push emotion aside and be. Its a comfortable place to be but sterile and rather empty because emotion brings colour to the world. I could literally switch off feeling anything and simply think about the practicalities. People called me cold... suppose I was but I didn't know any better. I simply didn't feel the need to interact with people. I was very goal orientated. The goal was king... must achieve the goal no matter what!
With Estrogen in charge everyday is a roller coaster. Intense happiness, sadness, and all things in between. Life is full of color and flavor. Also means I sometimes overthink things, feel the need to worry about the small but important details in life and NEED social interaction. I feel pleasure talking about simple things or spending time with a friend. I notice a lot more details or changes in someone's appearance and usually feel the need to comment on it. :) I find myself to be more reflective, less reactive and more sensitive to the needs of others. These days I have goals but they don't consume me. I take a more holistic approach to achieving them.
But most of all the question is flawed. There are no 'qualifications' to be a man or woman because gender is a social construct. Men do this, wear this, woman do this. It doesn't fit me. I don't think it fits anyone. If anyone asks me what gender I am I say female because for most people those binary definitions count. For those who understand my gender is... me and me is enough.
I think the term 'male to female' is also a bit misleading. I think my transition is not about trying to fit a particular stereotype rather to be the person I need to be. I am transitioning to the real me.
Yes! [emoji4]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Hey hun, just been catching up your recent posts. I love your attitude and take on things, I think it's healthy and strong. Keep doing your thing and you'll be doing well. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
This morning I got up and felt that my facial hair was different. It looked quite thick and very patchy. So when I shaved it half of it just.. fell out. I have to say that laser works very well!
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 11, 2018, 04:39:14 PM
This morning I got up and felt that my facial hair was different. It looked quite thick and very patchy. So when I shaved it half of it just.. fell out. I have to say that laser works very well!
Wow! It is interesting that the facial hair just fell out like that.
I am glad the laser is working well for you.
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 11, 2018, 04:39:14 PM
This morning I got up and felt that my facial hair was different. It looked quite thick and very patchy. So when I shaved it half of it just.. fell out. I have to say that laser works very well!
@krobinson103 MTF's hair falling out in most places is good....
.....just be glad that it was not the hair on your head that was falling out.
Thanks for posting your good news!!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
I have learned something today. Why Woman seem to hold onto what seemed trivial at the time. A male co worker was a but unreasonable and the sheer intensity of the annoyance caught me off guard and it still bugs me hours later! I had to tell myself to smile and wave. The intensity of emotion you feel (positive and negative) on E catches me off guard some days.
These days I wake up, stumble into the bathroom and see... a woman first thing in the morning, looking a total mess, no shaving and there is no questioning what I see in the mirror. The little doubting voices are just about ALL gone with only the annoyance of having to wait for surgery causing a little dysphoria. The amazing effects of laser - just one sessions so far blow me away. I took some really close up photos of my cheek and neck this morning thats 24 hours after the last shave and I really couldn't see much growth. A bit for sure, enough to maybe cause shadow at some point today but honestly? Even that is all in my head now.
I've commented before that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its so close now. Local laws are set to change soon making changing my birth certificate gender easier. Once thats done there are no legal ties to being male left.
Hmm I took a photo today and I don't recognise myself...
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/THs0J2
It is so wonderful and uplifting Kelly to read yet another happy event in your update.
As you say there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you are now virtually there! Excellent.
Hugs
Pamela
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 13, 2018, 02:26:38 PM
These days I wake up, stumble into the bathroom and see... a woman first thing in the morning, looking a total mess, no shaving and there is no questioning what I see in the mirror. The little doubting voices are just about ALL gone with only the annoyance of having to wait for surgery causing a little dysphoria. The amazing effects of laser - just one sessions so far blow me away. I took some really close up photos of my cheek and neck this morning thats 24 hours after the last shave and I really couldn't see much growth. A bit for sure, enough to maybe cause shadow at some point today but honestly? Even that is all in my head now.
I've commented before that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its so close now. Local laws are set to change soon making changing my birth certificate gender easier. Once thats done there are no legal ties to being male left.
Hmm I took a photo today and I don't recognise myself...
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/THs0J2
@krobinson103 A wonderful update for sure. I remember the very moments in my earlier transition journey when I would step out of the shower and look in the mirror... I was dumbfounded seeing the woman that I had become.... like you say, almost unrecognizable... then soon enough, it all looks completely normal and most of the shock and awe eventually dies down and I go on and live my life as my new self.
Your new picture and new Avatar/profile photo is most amazing as I recall most of your previous photos that you posted going back to February when I first started following and commenting on your thread.... CONGRATULATIONS to you for your wonderful progress and of course your willpower and determination to see this through so far to this point in your transition journey.
Thank you for keeping us up to date.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Today we had a national teacher march. 4000 people on the street and a large gathering at the end. In addition I lost count of how many random people I interacted with. Despite this.. NOT ONE PERSON seemed to see anything but a woman. :) I think that conclusively proves that I can not only pass but blend well even when interacting 1:1 and voice isn't a problem.
Great day!
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 15, 2018, 01:13:55 AM
Today we had a national teacher march. 4000 people on the street and a large gathering at the end. In addition I lost count of how many random people I interacted with. Despite this.. NOT ONE PERSON seemed to see anything but a woman. :) I think that conclusively proves that I can not only pass but blend well even when interacting 1:1 and voice isn't a problem.
Great day!
@krobinson103 Certainly this good report is something that you will want to make note of in your transition journal....
Thanks for posting your encouraging and happy good news.
Your continued and regular updates are what all transitoners should see no matter where we are in our journeys.
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
In the middle of working through a string of IEP meetings. One of my students has gender identity issues. The grandfather of said who I just met for the first time today looks at me at one point and asks how we are doing with those. This is interesting because this is a man who knows the signs yet never reacted even a little bit or showed any indication he saw anything but female. IN a meeting that lasted for an hour with lots of talking going on.
The evidence is overwhelmingly stacking up that I did it. All I need now is a few Ma'ams on the phone because I know that I look the part. Voice still has a little way to go. :)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/4nk216
Oh yeah! My hairline finally is looking decent...
Ok I did a comparison of photos taken from pre hrt (about 1-2 years ago) right up to now. All I can say is GO HRT!
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3989M2
Since its my thread and I shall say I think I look fabulous and a million times better than the first one.
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 16, 2018, 06:27:02 PM
Ok I did a comparison of photos taken from pre hrt (about 1-2 years ago) right up to now. All I can say is GO HRT!
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3989M2
Since its my thread and I shall say I think I look fabulous and a million times better than the first one.
@krobinson103 No need to say it yourself... I would have liked to beat you to it.... you indeed
"look fabulous and a million times better than the first one!" ...
... and I am most certain that any of
your followers will say the very same thing once the photos are viewed.
YES,
Go HRT !!!!
Thanks for sharing this most encouraging post and photos.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 16, 2018, 06:27:02 PM
Ok I did a comparison of photos taken from pre hrt (about 1-2 years ago) right up to now. All I can say is GO HRT!
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3989M2
Since its my thread and I shall say I think I look fabulous and a million times better than the first one.
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,
I'm glad everything is going so well for you, just think in a few months time (when its summer) you'll be able to go to the beach and get some great photos of the new you! that'l be fun!
Take care,
Sonja.
Well I went swimming at the pool yesterday and I feel really comfortable just being me. :) Did use the family changing room because I figured thats what its there for. :)
Great!
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 18, 2018, 01:07:08 PM
Great!
Chrissy
Well I figured I could push the boundaries and use the women's changing rooms but in all reality with the gender neutral rooms available why? There isn't any need to.
Went to my second SLT appointment. The homework she had set me I mastered and there really aren't any issues left for voice anymore! Yay! There are now three things left to do. Surgery (waiting), Laser (in progress), and my birth certificate (waiting for law change coming soon). Yay!
Nice my waist has lost an inch so now I get 46 35 44 not bad. :)
Great news!
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 19, 2018, 08:25:42 PM
Nice my waist has lost an inch so now I get 46 35 44 not bad. :)
Hey Kelly, those are some good measurements! coming along nicely!
Sonja.
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 19, 2018, 08:25:42 PM
Nice my waist has lost an inch so now I get 46 35 44 not bad. :)
@krobinson103 That is terrific news...
The de-facto rule that many young cis females used when they were developing was a 10-12 inch differential between the waist and the hips/bust.
However, there are as wide of variations in that "rule" as there are very wide variations in body types.
No matter what, your progress is amazing considering where you began with your measurements and body weight when you starting your HRT journey.
Thanks for your encouraging post detailing your progress toward your goal.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 20, 2018, 01:23:24 PM
@krobinson103
That is terrific news...
The de-facto rule that many young cis females used when they were developing was a 10-12 inch differential between the waist and the hips/bust.
However, there are as wide of variations in that "rule" as there are very wide variations in body types.
No matter what, your progress is amazing considering where you began with your measurements and body weight when you starting your HRT journey.
Thanks for your encouraging post detailing your progress toward your goal.
Hugs,
Danielle
Thanks Danielle. I think have been thinking lately that my life is actually very settled and happy at the moment. I can see the issues that drove me to the edge are far behind in the rear view mirror and the future looks promising as long as I keep living in the moment and getting the most from life as I can at any given time.
I like how I look, love how I feel, know that the dysphoria causing issues are being worked on, and in general just feel happy and optimistic about what happens next. So yeah... even if physical changes stopped right now I'd still be happy. The fact that stuff is still changing is just icing on the cake.
Some time ago I started attending a (cis) woman's support group. At first I felt like I might get in the way of the function of the group and make people uncomfortable so I did the stealth thing. No one really noticed. Then I told them, no one cared. Then, last week, when I missed one people genuinely missed me being there. Acceptance. :) Something worth noting I think. Don't be afraid to go where you THINK you may not be welcome because sometimes you are.
Today I got up, had a shower, then looked in the mirror and saw... something I didn't expect. I saw a really attractive woman and she looked very happy with a challenging look in her eye. Now if I saw such a person who wasn't me I'd totally be interested in exploring the possibilities with her. If this the person other people see all I can say is wow that is so not the old me! Except for the hangers on down low which annoy me a little but their days are numbered! Even then, I don't really mind their presence at the moment because for now waiting is all I can do. Why is this a shock? For a number of reasons.
1) Being bi I actually found MYSELF quite ... interesting.
2) I'm not used to actually liking what I see.
3) I look a lot younger than I did even ten years ago!
There are still these (dying) voices in the back of my mind saying "Thats not you.. you'll never..." but their days are also numbered. It still feels strange to actually like being me. Not sure how to accept I'm actually the babe in the mirror.
It just crossed my mind. I wrote a similar post about five months ago when I saw the same thing in the mirror clothed. Now I see the same thing unclothed. I have to wonder... what the next milestone is! Guess I won't know till I get there.
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 22, 2018, 02:31:55 PM
Today I got up, had a shower, then looked in the mirror and saw... something I didn't expect. I saw a really attractive woman and she looked very happy with a challenging look in her eye. Now if I saw such a person who wasn't me I'd totally be interested in exploring the possibilities with her. If this the person other people see all I can say is wow that is so not the old me! Except for the hangers on down low which annoy me a little but their days are numbered! Even then, I don't really mind their presence at the moment because for now waiting is all I can do. Why is this a shock? For a number of reasons.
1) Being bi I actually found MYSELF quite ... interesting.
2) I'm not used to actually liking what I see.
3) I look a lot younger than I did even ten years ago!
There are still these (dying) voices in the back of my mind saying "Thats not you.. you'll never..." but their days are also numbered. It still feels strange to actually like being me. Not sure how to accept I'm actually the babe in the mirror.
It just crossed my mind. I wrote a similar post about five months ago when I saw the same thing in the mirror clothed. Now I see the same thing unclothed. I have to wonder... what the next milestone is! Guess I won't know till I get there.
@krobinson103 A wonderful update, thanks for posting your good and encouraging report.
Oh yeah, I remember very well the view in the mirror when stepping out of the shower.... eventually all I was seeing was a blonde woman and no sign of my old-self. A great feeling and a wonderful event for sure when that first happened. Now it has been a routine daily occurrence ... and now there is much more time taken in the bathroom... shower, drying and fixing up my hair, makeup, jewellery, selection clothing and shoes, fingernails manicured and polished.... and the list goes on. No more just taking a 3 minute shower and quickly drying off and getting into a hodgepodge of male clothes without concern for colors and styles or a coordinated look.
This is all very wonderful now.
I am so happy for you and am very glad to see your recent reports in the last month or so about all the good things that you are thinking and the good things that are happening you
Ms Kelly.
As always, please keep the updates coming.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Todays update is not about me but my wife.
I have mentioned that the marriage is over and that hasn't changed. I had hoped She would be more accepting with that reality in place but that doesn't seem to be the case. I posted a new profile picture on facebook. Even my Mother had to give in and say things have changed. Not my wife 'technology is very good these days'. Then I get home and she sees my breasts. Gee they are big she says, I say yup. Then She says but they can't be real... wtf? They surely are the pain I went through proves that one! The final thing that really upset me was her request that I wear pants today because her friend is visiting... like what earthly difference does it make? Its not like I could look male either way!
I have to conclude that She is still in denial and will never accept the truth. I find it sad.
@krobinson103So sad to hear about what is going on with you and your wife.... huh? she wants you wear pants ... and with big boobs on display on your chest and your feminine appearance.... How does that make sense???
I guess that I may have missed it, but what kind of acceptance are you getting from your mom and your other family members???
Hang in there, bite your tongue, and after your wife's friend's visit is over, you should go shopping and treat yourself to some new clothes and/or shoes.... or at least copious amounts of chocolate. :) ;)
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle Quote from: krobinson103 on August 23, 2018, 02:29:31 PM
Todays update is not about me but my wife.
I have mentioned that the marriage is over and that hasn't changed. I had hoped She would be more accepting with that reality in place but that doesn't seem to be the case. I posted a new profile picture on facebook. Even my Mother had to give in and say things have changed. Not my wife 'technology is very good these days'. Then I get home and she sees my breasts. Gee they are big she says, I say yup. Then She says but they can't be real... wtf? They surely are the pain I went through proves that one! The final thing that really upset me was her request that I wear pants today because her friend is visiting... like what earthly difference does it make? Its not like I could look male either way!
I have to conclude that She is still in denial and will never accept the truth. I find it sad.
Hi Kelly. It doesn't surprise me that your wife has her own set of issues to work through, including denial. There are none so blind as those who will not see. She was deeply emotionally invested in you as a male for a long time. That probably dies hard. Plus, she likely has some transphobia to boot. It's pretty common.
She obviously has no business telling you you can't wear a dress or skirt, which is what it sounds like. I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate it if you told her what she could or couldn't wear. Hopefully she'll start opening her eyes a little wider.
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 23, 2018, 02:29:31 PM
Todays update is not about me but my wife.
I have mentioned that the marriage is over and that hasn't changed. I had hoped She would be more accepting with that reality in place but that doesn't seem to be the case. I posted a new profile picture on facebook. Even my Mother had to give in and say things have changed. Not my wife 'technology is very good these days'. Then I get home and she sees my breasts. Gee they are big she says, I say yup. Then She says but they can't be real... wtf? They surely are the pain I went through proves that one! The final thing that really upset me was her request that I wear pants today because her friend is visiting... like what earthly difference does it make? Its not like I could look male either way!
I have to conclude that She is still in denial and will never accept the truth. I find it sad.
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,
Ok hope you don't mind but I've picked out an outfit for you to wear,
Tight white t-shirt, black bra,
black skinny jeans - ie pants, pink belt and thin strap black high heels.....there you see, compromise....
Ok I'm being a bit cheeky, I suppose it comes down to how she asked and how long this type of compromise continues for - if its supposed to be long term then....
There always seems to be at least one daily personal challenge these days...
Take care,
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on August 23, 2018, 06:22:01 PM
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,
Ok hope you don't mind but I've picked out an outfit for you to wear,
Tight white t-shirt, black bra, black skinny jeans - ie pants, pink belt and thin strap black high heels.....there you see, compromise....
Ok I'm being a bit cheeky, I suppose it comes down to how she asked and how long this type of compromise continues for - if its supposed to be long term then....
There always seems to be at least one daily personal challenge these days...
Take care,
Sonja.
I actually did something similar just not as extreme. :p Tight skinny jeans with flowers on them, form fitting top with form fitting figure flattering jumper. :) Its not a skirt but it looks even more feminine than what I would have worn lol.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 23, 2018, 03:05:16 PM
@krobinson103
So sad to hear about what is going on with you and your wife.... huh? she wants you wear pants ... and with big boobs on display on your chest and your feminine appearance.... How does that make sense???
I guess that I may have missed it, but what kind of acceptance are you getting from your mom and your other family members???
Hang in there, bite your tongue, and after your wife's friend's visit is over, you should go shopping and treat yourself to some new clothes and/or shoes.... or at least copious amounts of chocolate. :) ;)
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Oh it makes no sense. she is just trying to deny the truth. Interestingly she said if I don't get changed when I get home don't home at all. So... maybe I just don't come home and find someone to keep me company tonight. Now that would push her buttons a lot!
As for other family? Not overly accepting. Supportive in that I gave them no choice in the matter.
Well a really great day. I went to a conservative Christian wedding today and was...
ACCEPTED totally as female by a room full of strangers. Not one odd look, treated the same way as any other woman there. :) There was truly nothing to fear. I've made it...
Today is a totally awesome day.
That is fantastic how things went so well at the wedding!
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 25, 2018, 04:12:47 AM
Well a really great day. I went to a conservative Christian wedding today and was...
ACCEPTED totally as female by a room full of strangers. Not one odd look, treated the same way as any other woman there. :) There was truly nothing to fear. I've made it...
Today is a totally awesome day.
@krobinson103 Your post and comments reminded me of just before I went full-time... being at an event like a wedding will all of those strangers and some people that know you and who you were can be frightening, nervewracking and exciting and confidence building... all at the same time.
It sounds to me like you passed the test!!!!
Yes indeed.... like the title of your thread, for you it was "A totally awesome day"
Thank you for your good news update,
Hugs,
Danielle
I am glad things went well at the wedding. Being accepted as who we are is such a wonderful feeling.
I know about the heartache of a marriage that is lost and the pain of seeing it end. People told me this and I did not believe them. It will get better in time, after it is done and you have started to fine your new way in a new life.
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,
That's great news about the wedding, I'm glad you were able to just be yourself. I grew up with fairly conservative christian parents and surrounded by christian people in NZ, the vast majority of whom were the kindest, gentlest people I've ever known. Of course there were a few bad eggs here and there but all communities have that.
Sonja.
Haven't updated for a while. Not too much has been happening.
Work is finally resolving with people actually making an effort to get pronouns right.
This weekend I help out at a pride festival and will party till the dawn.
Breast pain has hit a new peak of nastiness.
I got called 'dear' not mate by an indian parent of one of my students.
I was actually referred to as a lady at 6pm 13 hours after shaving in a takeaway shop yesterday.
... and ...
My wife seems to be coming around. She has finally accepted that while we may have to live together for financial and kid reasons we do need to have separate lives. She has also expressed a desire to live as friends and when we do separate to do so on good terms.
@krobinson103That is certainly great news about being addressed by proper pronouns and that others are making a real effort to get that right... especially at work.
Regarding your home and family situation... I am so very glad to hear that you and your wife have worked out a compromise of sorts.... this is not only good for you and your wife but also your kid. I am pleased to hear about this.
Thank you for keeping your thread updated. Your story, while it does have it's ups and downs, is very encouraging to others that are now facing what you have encountered and dealt with in your transition journey.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 29, 2018, 09:19:52 AM
Haven't updated for a while. Not too much has been happening.
Work is finally resolving with people actually making an effort to get pronouns right.
This weekend I help out at a pride festival and will party till the dawn.
Breast pain has hit a new peak of nastiness.
I got called 'dear' not mate by an indian parent of one of my students.
I was actually referred to as a lady at 6pm 13 hours after shaving in a takeaway shop yesterday.
... and ...
My wife seems to be coming around. She has finally accepted that while we may have to live together for financial and kid reasons we do need to have separate lives. She has also expressed a desire to live as friends and when we do separate to do so on good terms.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 29, 2018, 09:28:07 AM
@krobinson103
That is certainly great news about being addressed by proper pronouns and that others are making a real effort to get that right... especially at work.
Regarding your home and family situation... I am so very glad to hear that you and your wife have worked out a compromise of sorts.... this is not only good for you and your wife but also your kid. I am pleased to hear about this.
Thank you for keeping your thread updated. Your story, while it does have it's ups and downs, is very encouraging to others that are now facing what you have encountered and dealt with in your transition journey.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
This weekend I'll be at pride on my own and volunteering most of the day, then partying till dawn. Given my... increased ... libido and a wife who SAID find some place to sleep I think I let myself have a bit of harmless fun. It is after all a pride party and a safe place to do so. Now that will an interesting thing to reflect on. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 29, 2018, 01:28:46 PM
This weekend I'll be at pride on my own and volunteering most of the day, then partying till dawn. Given my... increased ... libido and a wife who SAID find some place to sleep I think I let myself have a bit of harmless fun. It is after all a pride party and a safe place to do so. Now that will an interesting thing to reflect on. :)
@krobinson103 Oh, wow, that sounds like a nice event for you to attend in your present stage of your transition journey.
I will be anticipating and eagerly awaiting your update report (and perhaps some pictures?) ???
You mentioned that you will be volunteering at the PRIDE event.... what kinds of things will you be doing there?
Thanks for your update.
Well wishes to you as always,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 29, 2018, 01:33:03 PM
@krobinson103
Oh, wow, that sounds like a nice event for you to attend in your present stage of your transition journey.
I will be anticipating and eagerly awaiting your update report (and perhaps some pictures?) ???
You mentioned that you will be volunteering at the PRIDE event.... what kinds of things will you be doing there?
Thanks for your update.
Well wishes to you as always,
Danielle
Setup, Take down etc. I also volunteered for the big pride event in Aucklands board of organizers as they are short of a few hands. Lotsa work but something I can do to help others and make their journey easier than my own.
Well the facilitator of the Men's support group came and visited yesterday. He wanted to ask something I felt was rather odd. He wanted me to attend his group. I challenged him on that and made it clear that my birth gender has never actually been me, and I doubted what I could bring to his group.
His answer made me pause... perspective. As in the perspective of a mostly female yet non binary person who has seen both sides of the fence. This then made me think. The more I transition the more I have to accept that I am indeed non binary and that rejecting everything 'male' is perhaps a step too far.
Perhaps the next step in my transition is to revisit some of what I have rejected and try to reintegrate it into my life in a more palatable form. Perhaps presenting as female to the world and acceptiing that my strength comes from my past may actually excise some of the doubts that remain.
I'm going to give it a chance... because I cannot reject out of hand what was without losing some of who I am. That doesn't mean I won't present female there though. :p
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 30, 2018, 02:50:03 PM
Well the facilitator of the Men's support group came and visited yesterday. He wanted to ask something I felt was rather odd. He wanted me to attend his group. I challenged him on that and made it clear that my birth gender has never actually been me, and I doubted what I could bring to his group.
His answer made me pause... perspective. As in the perspective of a mostly female yet non binary person who has seen both sides of the fence. This then made me think. The more I transition the more I have to accept that I am indeed non binary and that rejecting everything 'male' is perhaps a step too far.
Perhaps the next step in my transition is to revisit some of what I have rejected and try to reintegrate it into my life in a more palatable form. Perhaps presenting as female to the world and acceptiing that my strength comes from my past may actually excise some of the doubts that remain.
I'm going to give it a chance... because I cannot reject out of hand what was without losing some of who I am. That doesn't mean I won't present female there though. :p
@krobinson103 Very interesting thoughts that you have about this matter. Yes, if you do get involved I will be eager to read your reports about how it all went in the meeting that he wanted you to attend. I will be curious if you decide to attend again or on a more regular basis.... when are the meetings planned?
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 30, 2018, 02:50:03 PM
Well the facilitator of the Men's support group came and visited yesterday. He wanted to ask something I felt was rather odd. He wanted me to attend his group. I challenged him on that and made it clear that my birth gender has never actually been me, and I doubted what I could bring to his group.
His answer made me pause... perspective. As in the perspective of a mostly female yet non binary person who has seen both sides of the fence. This then made me think. The more I transition the more I have to accept that I am indeed non binary and that rejecting everything 'male' is perhaps a step too far.
Perhaps the next step in my transition is to revisit some of what I have rejected and try to reintegrate it into my life in a more palatable form. Perhaps presenting as female to the world and acceptiing that my strength comes from my past may actually excise some of the doubts that remain.
I'm going to give it a chance... because I cannot reject out of hand what was without losing some of who I am. That doesn't mean I won't present female there though. :p
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,
This is something I'm acutely aware of in myself too. I came to the decision a while ago while reading through various posts on Susans about embracing the future but remembering the past and knowing that there is no black and white rule about having to reject everything that you have been and been through.
I think you're wise to give it a go and see how it feels to embrace all parts of you, past and future and see what feels right and what feels like dead weight.
I'd love to hear how the meeting goes and what things got said and talked about.
Take care,
Sonja.
My corset arrived from wish and I have to say.. I LIKE IT. A bit uncomfortable to be sure but the difference is very nice indeed. Two inches off the waist and it smooths out the curves a bit.
Quote from: krobinson103 on August 30, 2018, 11:11:56 PM
My corset arrived from wish and I have to say.. I LIKE IT. A bit uncomfortable to be sure but the difference is very nice indeed. Two inches off the waist and it smooths out the curves a bit.
@krobinson103 Ahhhh, corsets!!! I tried wearing one or two corsets almost 4years ago before I started HRT.... yes indeed, I found that for me, it was very uncomfortable if laced up tightly enough to produce more curves.
I will be looking for your further reports about how the corset is working for you.
A question: Is it a more user friendly front lace model or does it lace up in the back....?????
Thanks for your update.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 30, 2018, 11:35:02 PM
@krobinson103
Ahhhh, corsets!!! I tried wearing one or two corsets almost 4years ago before I started HRT.... yes indeed, I found that for me, it was very uncomfortable if laced up tightly enough to produce more curves.
I will be looking for your further reports about how the corset is working for you.
A question: Is it a more user friendly front lace model or does it lace up in the back....?????
Thanks for your update.
Hugs,
Danielle
Upon research (got it from wish) its not really a corset but a cincher. Which is attached together with LOTS of hooks and eyes. That being said it does reduce my waist and smooth out curves and isn't too uncomfortable. Given the last time I measured I was 46 35 44, 46 33 44 is pretty decent... :)
I saw every shade of the rainbow last night. I saw gay, lesbian, non binary, drag queens, cross dressers (shape wear looks sooo fake!), a about four trans people. I felt that the four trans people (me included) were quite different to the rest.
The drag queens strut their stuff but its a big show
The Gay and Lesbian folk are all about the sexual identity and mostly very visible
The cross dressers looked happy mostly
Now as trans I felt like part of the crowd and accepted but not really understood. People ask questions about sexual identity etc but don't really understand why you want to transition. Its unthinkable...
@krobinson103 Very interesting report... are the activities over and done or is there another day.
I trust that you can find some inspiration as you continue your volunteer tasks.
When it is all over I will be looking for your recap.
Thanks for posting your interesting thoughts about it all.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 01, 2018, 09:43:48 PM
@krobinson103
Very interesting report... are the activities over and done or is there another day.
I trust that you can find some inspiration as you continue your volunteer tasks.
When it is all over I will be looking for your recap.
Thanks for posting your interesting thoughts about it all.
Hugs,
Danielle
Given how far away it is they get one day out of me. :) However, it was a fun day and I met a lot of really motivated and selfless people who are giving their time to promote inclusion in the community. From the organizers, to the elders who are still active and proud, to the youth who now benefit from the work that has been done.
Compared to twenty years ago when it was almost dangerous to be different I saw a festival celebrating and embracing difference. The social taboos on that particular night did not exist and anyone was welcome. This is the sort of change that happening. Its superficial yet, but, its change and it gives me hope that society is becoming more accepting and kids of 14 don't need to hide and suffer because of misguided beliefs.
I was able to walk down town in the middle of the busiest party time in view on I don't know how many people dressed as any other woman might be dressed and saw no hostility. Yes, the drag queens etc got a few stares, but they WANT the attention and again, no hostility.
I did feel that my place in the community has changed somewhat and that even lesbian and gay people don't know what to make of us really. There is acceptance, and people trying to understand where we fit. I think leadership is needed in this area to really promote understanding around transgender issues to our rainbow community and the community as a whole.
I discovered this weekend there is a drawback to passing and being pre-op. Its fairly clear that people are interested in having a little fun (and I was quite open to a little fun last weekend) but as soon as the word 'trans' comes into it everything shuts down. I really need to get rid of the extra baggage downstairs as soon as I can. Lesbians are interested till disclosure, men well I think its a bit risky...
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly, Where/What was the pride event that you were helping at? I didn't even know there was one going on till I read it here! lol - Interesting reactions you spoke of - after you said you were trans did the 'pre-op' conversation come up or were they already having doubts simply because you're trans?
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on September 02, 2018, 06:09:28 PM
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly, Where/What was the pride event that you were helping at? I didn't even know there was one going on till I read it here! lol - Interesting reactions you spoke of - after you said you were trans did the 'pre-op' conversation come up or were they already having doubts simply because you're trans?
Sonja.
In Hamilton. Another big party friday night. No the word trans is enough sadly.
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 02, 2018, 07:49:44 PM
In Hamilton. Another big party friday night. No the word trans is enough sadly.
@krobinson103 I concur with you, the "trans word" can quickly finish off a party atmosphere or even a friendly conversation or relationship in a lot of situations.
I was so very careful that when I relocated here as a full-time woman where I am now in my small time, before I came out I made sure that I lived a respectable lifestyle, dressed conservatively, participated in the community events and got involved in building my local business.... all while trying to fly under the radar. So, when I did come out about 1 1/2 years later, I found that I was overwhelmingly accepted by the locals here. That is just how I played it... everyone has to make there own decisions about how to live their "trans" life.
Thanks for posting your thoughts in your recent posts.
Hugs,
Danielle
Bit of a side note today. Was doing some research around the difference between male and female hands and ran into some fascinating information. Apparently, research shows that exposure to more estrogen during gestation leads to having a longer index finger than ring finger thus statistically, men have longer ring fingers and a short thumb. Women however, have longer index fingers and a short little finger.
I have a long index finger, a short little finger, and a short thumb which suggests I got a slightly higher level of e than t. This correlates with other research saying that the female brain develops differently during gestation due to more estrogen in the whole system.
Reflecting on this I think what happened was that while I have XY chromosomes for some reason the hormone balance wasn't (was! I love being me - thanks mum) quite right for 'normal' development thus... you get a transgender person.
The other thing I looked into yesterday was lgbt dating sites out of curiosity and I have to say... pass. People only seem to want one thing and to me sex comes with friendship and love in place first not for its own sake.
On other fronts... wife is really accepting at the moment and we are discussing strategies to smoothly transition to a life apart but supporting the kids in a few years. No more roadblocks regarding presentation etc anymore yay! Kids are more supportive but my eldest will always view me as male I think. At the supermarket one of the most stubborn cashiers who always misgenders me said 'sir .... err ma'am sorry' yesterday. A win!
Oh yes... my feet have shrunk. How I know not but the male shoes that used to fit are all a whole size too big. Sadly they are no narrower. Oh well can't win em all.
snipped:
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 03, 2018, 02:21:19 PM
- - - - - -
- - - - - -
On other fronts... wife is really accepting at the moment and we are discussing strategies to smoothly transition to a life apart but supporting the kids in a few years. No more roadblocks regarding presentation etc anymore yay! Kids are more supportive but my eldest will always view me as male I think. At the supermarket one of the most stubborn cashiers who always misgenders me said 'sir .... err ma'am sorry' yesterday. A win!
- - - - - - -
@krobinson103 Wow, this is good news indeed... it is always best to openly and calmly discuss these delicate matters and try to come to some sort of compromise and cordial agreement... especially for the sake of your kids... they are most certainly a very important task to take care of them emotionally and financially.
Again, this is very good news...
Thanks for sharing this bit of your very personal life.
Hugs,
Danielle
@krobinson103
Why is it that when someone posts nearly everyday, and then suddenly doesn't I get mildly worried?
Because transgirls are beautiful but fragile?
Anyway, thinking of you Kelly,
Hope you are well,
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on September 06, 2018, 04:23:59 AM
@krobinson103
Why is it that when someone posts nearly everyday, and then suddenly doesn't I get mildly worried?
Because transgirls are beautiful but fragile?
Anyway, thinking of you Kelly,
Hope you are well,
Sonja.
Sonja I'm hardly fragile. I'm glad someone thinks I'm beautiful though. No, transition is one of those things. Stuff happens and then there is a lot of waiting. Thanks for being concerned though!
Since I'm posting. Breast pain has been at a new peak of nastiness and I've run into a new problem, fly away hair. Neither was important enough to post about really. :)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/15D209
I took these photos to send to my girl friend. But when I look at them they say something profound. First, I think I look good. :) Second... NO MORE SHADOW. third the aura of misery that pervaded me is gone. I see light and mischievousness in my eyes. I want to go meet people and even go clubbing yes clubbing! Crowds no longer bother me and I almost want people to notice me now.
I like the new me. Long may She live.
@krobinson103
Clubbing??? - Kelly you've really changed!! LOL - I distinctly remember you saying you weren't into that sort of thing, oh the things hrt has done to you!! heehee.
Your 2 new photos are great, I don't see any five oclock shadow - I've got some money coming through soonish so hopefully I'll get it in time to get that caci clinic 2 for 1 deal that ends at the end of September.
Are you/Did you go to that mens group you were invited to?
Take care,
Sonja.
Didn't go the men's group cause... I'm not a man and don't want to go down that route on reflection.
Had some fun today. Went shopping in Auckland, flirted with a couple of guys while shopping and waiting for some friends (lol the guys started it I just felt like playing). Then went to with friends to the movies the K road to a club... kinda like the one I used to go to back in the day but a bit more diverse. It was really fun. :)
Now the interesting thing about the shopping experience was when one dude opens the conversation with I quote "Wow, Hello trouble" I just felt like responding by looking him directly in the eyes and saying "yes?" lol. This is not like the old me and I like it.
Wow, sounds like you are having some fun!
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 06, 2018, 11:23:42 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/15D209
I took these photos to send to my girl friend. But when I look at them they say something profound. First, I think I look good. :) Second... NO MORE SHADOW. third the aura of misery that pervaded me is gone. I see light and mischievousness in my eyes. I want to go meet people and even go clubbing yes clubbing! Crowds no longer bother me and I almost want people to notice me now.
I like the new me. Long may She live.
@krobinison103Wow, indeed, your new photos look terrific... of course you like the new you!!!! as we all do. Very nice.
Thanks for sharing with us all.
Hmmm, clubbing?? None of that up here where I live in my small rural town, in the middle of nowhere. Just my next door coffee shop..... ;)
Your updates are getting better and better as you continue on in your journey toward your goal.
Hugs and well wishes as always.
Danielle
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/2CN2gL
Go HRT!
Me like... though I seem to be mostly legs. I was told by a new friend I went out clubbing with (trans woman) that if I lost a little weight I could be a model. I find that highly unlikely! At least I know passing is no issue. :) Went into a really crowded Women's bathroom in the weekend and felt NO ANXIETY and no one else looked at me funny either. I can tick the box of beating the last lingering doubts on that one.
That is great news!
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 09, 2018, 02:32:36 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/2CN2gL
Go HRT!
Me like... though I seem to be mostly legs. I was told by a new friend I went out clubbing with (trans woman) that if I lost a little weight I could be a model. I find that highly unlikely! At least I know passing is no issue. :) Went into a really crowded Women's bathroom in the weekend and felt NO ANXIETY and no one else looked at me funny either. I can tick the box of beating the last lingering doubts on that one.
@krobinson103 Your updates keep getting better and better ... your latest photos are terrific.
Keep us informed of your progress.
Hugs,
Danielle
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly, - Which club did you go to on K'rd? Did you make it to the dance floor? (if there was one)
Did you get any photos of the evening?
Take care,
Sonja
Quote from: Sonja on September 10, 2018, 04:25:54 AM
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly, - Which club did you go to on K'rd? Did you make it to the dance floor? (if there was one)
Did you get any photos of the evening?
Take care,
Sonja
Shanghai Lils from memory. Good club. Didn't dance but the music was surely good enough. There is also a Lesbian club I want to check out next time - just cause I can. :) As for photos not of me no...
Ok... you could knock me over with a feather about now. I measured myself about a month ago and came out with 45 35 44. Kind of a top hour glass. Today its 46 34 45 and err... well... hour glassed shaped. Very tall yes, and a bit over weight I have to admit but.... I HAVE CURVES! and decent sized breasts, and my hair is growing, and laser has hammered facial hair so shadow is gone, and body hair is all but gone, and my skin is nice. The speech language therapist said there was nothing more she could teach me about voice and its no longer an effort to not sound male.
In addition, I have legally changed everything except birth certificate, my teacher certification is becoming pretty sorted now, I have sorted my wardrobe, I'm no longer anxious about how people see me, bathrooms and swimming pools are not scary. I've started to link up with the local trans community. In societies eyes I am a woman. A cis woman I met lately called me a nice lady, some of my students called me mum, and even my wife has to admit there ain't no man left. I went clubbing and shopping last weekend and men well .. noticed me. Not only that but I had the confidence to flirt back. I have my libido back and something I thought I lost a long time ago a mischievous streak. I no longer want to fade into the background. I like standing out.
Basically everything my father, wife, and most of my extended family said I couldn't possibly have... I have SO THERE! lol. So now its just a bit of a wait for surgery. :) All this in under a year?
There was a song I used as an anthem:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgyoKX5oW3E
'this is me' it kept me strong in the early months. In the time when even the voices in my own head said no... its too hard... give up... I did not give up and it was hard and it had a high cost and there was lots of pain, more to come.
Well.. I can say this today
THIS IS ME and I love being me. Anyone who told me I couldn't was wrong. Now I can live my life as I should have from the beginning.
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,
Wow those are some great measurements - it just keeps getting better! I've heard of Shanghai Lill's - always wanted to go - now I definitely will. What surgery are you after? Is it going to be done in NZ?
Sonja
Quote from: Sonja on September 11, 2018, 03:18:04 AM
@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,
Wow those are some great measurements - it just keeps getting better! I've heard of Shanghai Lill's - always wanted to go - now I definitely will. What surgery are you after? Is it going to be done in NZ?
Sonja
Join me... You live pretty local its a fun place, we could find some more local trans to hook up with and make it a party. Going for Orchiodectomy at the Manukau super clinic... free via referral from the sexual health clinic.
@krobinson103
I'll be ready in a couple of months remember I'm no where near as far along as you, not just physically but being out and about etc, but I don't want to drag my feet either so I will get myself 'ready' ASAP and let you know, would love to go out with you on the town!
Did you wear your new corset when you were out clubbing? For my own ideas - How were you dressed? skirt? dress? heels? flats? Hope I'm not being too nosy..lol
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on September 11, 2018, 03:49:47 AM
@krobinson103
I'll be ready in a couple of months remember I'm no where near as far along as you, not just physically but being out and about etc, but I don't want to drag my feet either so I will get myself 'ready' ASAP and let you know, would love to go out with you on the town!
Did you wear your new corset when you were out clubbing? For my own ideas - How were you dressed? skirt? dress? heels? flats? Hope I'm not being too nosy..lol
Sonja.
Yes I did. It helped. I wore black stockings, flats, a jean skirt thigh length, a black t shirt and form fitting jumper. Mainly cause I also wanted to go shopping as well. As for the clubbing thing whenever you are ready. :) An easier first step might be a quiet coffee shop.
It is so wonderful Kelly to read such an uplifting and successful summary.
Congratulations! You have swept away the obstacles and achieved so much. You are an inspiration to so many!
Hugs
Pamela
Quote from: pamelatransuk on September 11, 2018, 07:19:19 AM
It is so wonderful Kelly to read such an uplifting and successful summary.
Congratulations! You have swept away the obstacles and achieved so much. You are an inspiration to so many!
Hugs
Pamela
Thank you. There really isn't much to it. Just deal with one thing at a time and keep going till you reach the goal. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 11, 2018, 02:26:27 PM
Thank you. There really isn't much to it. Just deal with one thing at a time and keep going till you reach the goal. :)
@krobinson103 Exactly the way to look at any life endeavor and difficult tasks. .. deal with issues as they occur.
A 1 hour movie is put together with almost 7,000,000 still frames. The big picture can seem to be overwhelming unless it is broken down into smaller more achievable tasks.
Great insight, and thank you for sharing.
Your latest pictures without a doubt show your undeniable female face and appearance.... and you "got" curves !!!!
Thank you for sharing and keeping all of your followers tuned into your amazing journey progress.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 11, 2018, 03:35:36 PM
@krobinson103
Exactly the way to look at any life endeavor and difficult tasks. .. deal with issues as they occur.
A 1 hour movie is put together with almost 7,000,000 still frames. The big picture can seem to be overwhelming unless it is broken down into smaller more achievable tasks.
Great insight, and thank you for sharing.
Your latest pictures without a doubt show your undeniable female face and appearance.... and you "got" curves !!!!
Thank you for sharing and keeping all of your followers tuned into your amazing journey progress.
Hugs,
Danielle
I think I need a new big picture and goal now. Aside from waiting and working on boring stuff like finances and logistics for SRS I don't have much to focus on. This requires some thought. Whats my next almost "impossible" goal? :)
I have found one new problem I never thought I would have. Jogging with breasts is kinda... painful.
With the size you are, you need a good supportive sports bra. You may have to go on line to find what you need.
Well I had a small win at work this week. We have a 'keeping safe' program that incorporates some activities that (dress up dolls with gendered clothes) are a bit tricky for me endorse given my status as a transgender woman is known to all including the students.
So I suggested that while the rest of the program is easy enough I should skip that one because what the books says and what I model are totally different. There was some resistance but I think they have finally seen the logic. So a small win for inclusion! Yay!
Still a long way to go in terms of actual education around diversity but if I keep chipping away maybe in 4 years or so we might see some inclusion happening.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/p0HWrU
Went to the Women's suffrage parade with my kid today and we had a good time. :) Didn't make any particular effort to dress up or anything didn't seem to matter. Met some of my wife's friends... they looked at me and said wow you've changed. I said thanks... Life is good.
@krobinson103 WOW, this is wonderful news... and your pictures are terrific, especially the one of you and your kid...
... perfect photo for your Avatar/Profile picture.
Great news about your wife's friend's reactions upon seeing you.
YES....
LIFE IS GOOD indeed.
Thanks for your uplifiting update.... a pleasure to read...
Hugs and well wishes,
DanielleQuote from: krobinson103 on September 14, 2018, 10:48:29 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/p0HWrU
Went to the Women's suffrage parade with my kid today and we had a good time. :) Didn't make any particular effort to dress up or anything didn't seem to matter. Met some of my wife's friends... they looked at me and said wow you've changed. I said thanks... Life is good.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/2vt2nx
A goodwill find... it fits but I dare say I could lose some weight. What surprises me is that shoulders don't look too bad... fairly well balanced.
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 15, 2018, 12:51:57 AM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/2vt2nx
A goodwill find... it fits but I dare say I could lose some weight. What surprises me is that shoulders don't look too bad... fairly well balanced.
@krobinson103Thanks for posting the terrific picture of your "new" dress...
...yes indeed, your shoulders look just fine in it....
Now, all you have to decide is where you are going to wear it and what shoes to wear with it.
Thanks for your update and sharing your new photo with us all.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 15, 2018, 09:27:19 AM
@krobinson103
Thanks for posting the terrific picture of your "new" dress...
...yes indeed, your shoulders look just fine in it....
Now, all you have to decide is where you are going to wear it and what shoes to wear with it.
Thanks for your update and sharing your new photo with us all.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
I don't have too many places to wear such a dress. But I always wanted to have one. :) Think I'll also add a sash or something at the waist cause its rather unforgiving on figure that dress.
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 15, 2018, 11:51:03 AM
I don't have too many places to wear such a dress. But I always wanted to have one. :) Think I'll also add a sash or something at the waist cause its rather unforgiving on figure that dress.
@krobinson103 Oh yeah, for sure, that is my problem as well... trying to find events and places to go dressed in these very nice long and flowing dresses that look so beautiful and that are so affirming to wear.
Where I live in my small rural town, there are essentially no events or places that would be appropriate...
the exception is that I do dress up in a skirt and blouse, or a conservative dress and mid-high heels when I go to my office... in really bad weather it can be slacks and a sweater, and in really bad, bad, bad weather it is denim jeans, sweater and sweatshirt, boots, hat, and gloves...
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and your newest photos....
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 16, 2018, 09:25:20 AM
@krobinson103
Oh yeah, for sure, that is my problem as well... trying to find events and places to go dressed in these very nice long and flowing dresses that look so beautiful and that are so affirming to wear.
Where I live in my small rural town, there are essentially no events or places that would be appropriate...
the exception is that I do dress up in a skirt and blouse, or a conservative dress and mid-high heels when I go to my office... in really bad weather it can be slacks and a sweater, and in really bad, bad, bad weather it is denim jeans, sweater and sweatshirt, boots, hat, and gloves...
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and your newest photos....
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
I always wear a skirt etc to work. Its just normal. :) Dresses aren't very practical for a teacher however. Maybe next weekend I'll find a use for it. Some of the girls want to go out on the town. Even then I have to wonder if it would be overdressed...
I woke up this morning... and....
I DON'T NEED TO SHAVE!
The world is great!
Yay!
Chrissy
I put a profile on a trans dating site just for fun and got 50! emails in a week lol. Most of them are totally not interesting, but there are a few that catch my eye that don't seem to be chasing just a fetish. For the most part though I'm not impressed with the whole dating site scene. Too much chasing sex and honestly... they need to go to pick up line school! They are terrible...
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 17, 2018, 03:07:37 PM
I put a profile on a trans dating site just for fun and got 50! emails in a week lol. Most of them are totally not interesting, but there are a few that catch my eye that don't seem to be chasing just a fetish. For the most part though I'm not impressed with the whole dating site scene. Too much chasing sex and honestly... they need to go to pick up line school! They are terrible...
Watch out for the
>-bleeped-<s and the idiots with the no brainer, one-liner pick up lines that many times are R-rated or worse. Then of course there will be rude and crude messages as well. But if you pick through it all very selectively and carefully you may find a few gems among the rocks.
Be careful out there in cyber-space.
Hugs,
Danielle
Well not much has happened recently but a few things to comment on;
I found some size 12 double wide shoes at goodwill (flats) for $5 I was amazed to find anything that fit let alone on sale... needless to say I grabbed them while I could.
When you have a cis wife who isn't lesbian its smart to change 'wife' to partner in public. I don't think she appreciates being seen as lesbian very much! In order to keep the peace I need to remember this. When you say partner people just assume its some dude who isn't with you at the moment. Not that I care if people see me as lesbian. I've been openly gay, openly trans, why not complete the set? :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 18, 2018, 02:41:35 PM
Well not much has happened recently but a few things to comment on;
I found some size 12 double wide shoes at goodwill (flats) for $5 I was amazed to find anything that fit let alone on sale... needless to say I grabbed them while I could.
When you have a cis wife who isn't lesbian its smart to change 'wife' to partner in public. I don't think she appreciates being seen as lesbian very much! In order to keep the peace I need to remember this. When you say partner people just assume its some dude who isn't with you at the moment. Not that I care if people see me as lesbian. I've been openly gay, openly trans, why not complete the set? :)
@krobinson103 I am not certain how "partner" translates differently from NZ and here in the USA, but "partner" usually denotes a soul-mate cohabiting and includes an intimate relationship.... so that doesn't seem too far off from "wife"....
If I were in your situation, at least where I live, I would consider "housemate" or "roommate" as a term that would not necessarily include your wife being considered a Lesbian....
....
that is only my opinion and since we live in different areas of the world we do use words differently even though we both speak English....
...for example, I was with a friend from New Zealand when I was in college and I got lectured on the word "fanny" .... we were talking about the innocent apparel item "fanny pack" ..... it seems that "fanny" means something completely and shockingly different in our in each of our two countries.
Thanks for your update.......
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 18, 2018, 02:55:09 PM
@krobinson103
I am not certain how "partner" translates differently from NZ, but here in the USA, but "partner" usually denotes a soul-mate cohabiting and includes an intimate relationship.... so that doesn't seem too far off from "wife"....
If I were in your situation, at least where I live, I would consider "housemate" or "roommate" as a term that would not necessarily include your wife being considered a Lesbian....
....that is only my opinion and since we live in different areas of the world we do use words differently even though we both speak English....
...for example, I was with a friend from New Zealand when I was in college and I go lectured on the word "fanny" .... we were talking about the innocent apparel item "fanny pack" ..... it seems that "fanny" means something completely and shockingly different in our in each of our two countries.
Thanks for your update.......
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
partner is a catch all for someone you co habitat with. Generally though the closed minded set who would care attach it to person of the opposite gender so it just smooths things over a bit. Now fanny... yes, not the most appropriate word lol.
I had an interesting conversation with my youngest daughter.
"I love having a girl Daddy, I'm so lucky." She states.
This intrigued me. So I asked her why.
"Because a girl Daddy can do everything. She can be my Daddy, but also do girl things with me." Then she gives me a big hug and tells me she loves me.
This made me pause and reflect. So I asked her if she wouldn't rather have old Daddy.
"No, because old daddy wouldn't do half the things we do now, I'm really lucky."
This drove the point home that in deciding to transition was the best decision I have made - ever. Even my wife asked me yesterday how my day was - it had been a miserable one actually. But she states you always seem so happy...
Now at work I have to change kids. As a male teacher that was often problematic (society doesn't trust male teachers) as a female? You get much more trust and can actually do these things without feeling like you are putting yourself in danger. :)
No regrets....
@krobinson103 Dear "girl Daddy" ... this update of yours brought a tear to my eye....
...and, oh wow, your wife's comment about you being happy all the time!!! Very affirming for you and your transition decision.
Thanks for your wonderful report... a pleasure to read and so good to read how well you are doing.
Hugs,
Danielle
@krobinson103
Hey Kelly - that's really sweet of your daughter to say that, must have made you feel awesome!
Take care,
Sonja.
Second laser session today. Not as painful as the first so she cranked up the power. Judging by the pain a lot was fried this day. :)
Its warm enough to wear shorts and short sleeves now. So I went to work in shorts and and reasonably form fitting top. I realized that my breasts are actually bigger than quite a few women at work lol. I guess HRT is doing its work.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/1W1743
Another nice Op Shop find. :)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/tkGE1H
and ready to go out and meet some new friends tonight. No thanks to laser hair removal red bumps but oh well a bit of extra concealer won't kill me. :)
Well I just returned from the city and it was an interesting night. My wife went with me and we met up with five local trans woman at a lounge bar then moved onto a drag club where there was a big show going on (unexpected!) Fun never the less. My wife got to talk to others and saw their stories were similar to mine, visited a gay bar for the first time ever, and saw a drag show again for the first time.
My dress fit in well and got me some interesting looks from various men lol. But what the heck its not work let em look... :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 18, 2018, 02:41:35 PM
When you have a cis wife who isn't lesbian its smart to change 'wife' to partner in public. I don't think she appreciates being seen as lesbian very much!
Same boat here. She's so far ok when I say wife but isn't comfortable calling me her wife. She knows husband doesn't work anymore so I suggested she say spouse instead.
That was really cool what your daughter said about liking her girl daddy.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Well over the last few weeks I've checked out more bars and dating apps than I have in the last 14 years. I came to the conclusion that I don't actually want a man. I want a woman and not just any woman, but a trans woman. Which is fortunate given my long distance gf is both. Had a good conversation with her this afternoon and we both share a very similar vision for the future which is quite exciting. The logistics of what happens to take me from where I am, to where I want to be are more complicated given the family must be first on the priority list. However, given time and patience its not impossible either.
I have a dream that within the next ten years I can be a bride. Its on my bucket list, and its on hers. We had a little discussion around that and resolved that such an outcome would not be impossible in the future just need to see how things go in terms of dealing with various issues and obstacles again requiring time!
In terms of transitioning I have to say the grunt work is done. Its just a matter of well logistics. Waiting on the list for orchie, finding a way to gather cash for srs in the future. Other wise, its done. Beyond letting things continue to settle, letting hrt do its thing, letting hair grow, and letting laser do it work (see a theme? hurry up and wait) its time to just get on with living.
I've been trying to be the most critical I can be and looking at my recent photos and experiences there is no evidence to point to people seeing me as anything but the way I want them to. Today I was in a playground full of parents and my daughter as usual used Daddy about 100 times... no blinks an eye. These days, dad is less of a gendered term and more of a job description.
Work issues continue to resolve and a bit more hard work and yes... waiting (arrrggghhhH!) will sort out most of that, freeing me to be mobile in where I work helping to resolve closing the distance in long distance relationship issue. I'm trying to be pragmatic and look at the what ifs... but the fact is every goal I set a year ago is complete or almost complete. The family dynamic while changed did not explode. We have come to an amiable compromise. I did not lose my job or career... and transition is rolling along fabulously.
Spose all I can say in closing is that today is a totally awesome day and tomorrow will only be better.
Sounds very wonderful!
Chrissy
@krobinson103 Thank you for posting your "life events" updates.... it reads like all good news to me.
Interesting about the conversation that you had with your long distant trans-woman friend. .... it sounds like your relationship with her is going fairly well considering the subject of marriage came up.
Well, there is no doubt that based on your lovely recent photos, especially your latest and terrific Avatar/Profile picture, that you have indeed... most of the "grunt work" has been accomplished.... now just some of the details like laser hair removal and an orchi, etc.
The last bit of good news that I was glad to hear about.... your amicable compromise solution with your family issues and that your work and career situation is not in danger.
Yes indeed, as you stated, it was a good day for you and tomorrow will only be better.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
Thanks to those who read my ramblings. When I started this I was desperately searching for an answer to a problem I really couldn't put a finger on. I think now I know what the struggle was.
People say I want to transition to a gender. I don't think transition is about that. I think transition is more about finding that place where you are the most YOU as possible. Transition is accepting that every day there is HOPE and that hope will drive you to places you never knew possible. Transition is accepting fear, facing it and making it a STRENGTH. Transition is accepting that the price of being you may be high but ITS ALL WORTH IT.
I think if I could boil down everything I've been through this last year its quite simple. Always hope and never give up. I think everyone who embarks on this journey is braver than they believe, stronger than they seem, and smarter than they think. :)
Never give up!
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 23, 2018, 03:12:39 PM
Thanks to those who read my ramblings. When I started this I was desperately searching for an answer to a problem I really couldn't put a finger on. I think now I know what the struggle was.
People say I want to transition to a gender. I don't think transition is about that. I think transition is more about finding that place where you are the most YOU as possible. Transition is accepting that every day there is HOPE and that hope will drive you to places you never knew possible. Transition is accepting fear, facing it and making it a STRENGTH. Transition is accepting that the price of being you may be high but ITS ALL WORTH IT.
I think if I could boil down everything I've been through this last year its quite simple. Always hope and never give up. I think everyone who embarks on this journey is braver than they believe, stronger than they seem, and smarter than they think. :)
Never give up!
Well said.
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 23, 2018, 03:12:39 PM
Thanks to those who read my ramblings. When I started this I was desperately searching for an answer to a problem I really couldn't put a finger on. I think now I know what the struggle was.
People say I want to transition to a gender. I don't think transition is about that. I think transition is more about finding that place where you are the most YOU as possible. Transition is accepting that every day there is HOPE and that hope will drive you to places you never knew possible. Transition is accepting fear, facing it and making it a STRENGTH. Transition is accepting that the price of being you may be high but ITS ALL WORTH IT.
I think if I could boil down everything I've been through this last year its quite simple. Always hope and never give up. I think everyone who embarks on this journey is braver than they believe, stronger than they seem, and smarter than they think. :)
Never give up!
Well said Kelly - A beautiful paragraph!
and looking great - is that a new dress?!
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on September 23, 2018, 07:53:45 PM
Well said Kelly - A beautiful paragraph!
and looking great - is that a new dress?!
Sonja.
Yes it is. :) Do you like it? I think it suits me went out wearing that and go a fair bit of attention lol...
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 23, 2018, 07:58:08 PM
Yes it is. :) Do you like it? I think it suits me went out wearing that and go a fair bit of attention lol...
Yes - its nice and summery! - - How did you get your wife to go out with you on the town? - I was pleasantly surprised to read that - but that's great that she went!
Sonja
Quote from: Sonja on September 23, 2018, 08:11:01 PM
Yes - its nice and summery! - - How did you get your wife to go out with you on the town? - I was pleasantly surprised to read that - but that's great that she went!
Sonja
Honestly think she was curious. Its not really her scene though. Particularly the drag queens and their... interesting take on acts lol. She did like some of the show though.
Wonderful news! We have an experienced SRS surgeon doing private surgeries just an hour from my house. Now I just need cash. :) Also laser hair removal is going great. Its 14 hours since I last shaved and only a few patches where I can feel any hair at all... and there 6 sessions left to go.
What else happened today? I went to the local clinic and got a practice nurse to inject my implant and my gp signed off on my estradot patches as my specialist was sick. Don't think she had seen a trans woman close up before. Had a few questions and seemed quite surprised what the meds do. Does mean though the two issues I wanted to talk to the doctor about; breast pain that doesn't stop, and getting enough patches for 3 not 4 days cycles will have to wait till December.
I was talking to a work colleague (woman) about the weekend and expressed surprise at the amount of attention I seemed to be getting. She assured me that it wasn't for any bad reasons... but because I am attractive. This I find a little hard to credit, but people keep telling me so at some point I will have to accept the body of evidence.
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 25, 2018, 02:18:10 AM
Wonderful news! We have an experienced SRS surgeon doing private surgeries just an hour from my house. Now I just need cash. :) Also laser hair removal is going great. Its 14 hours since I last shaved and only a few patches where I can feel any hair at all... and there 6 sessions left to go.
What else happened today? I went to the local clinic and got a practice nurse to inject my implant and my gp signed off on my estradot patches as my specialist was sick. Don't think she had seen a trans woman close up before. Had a few questions and seemed quite surprised what the meds do. Does mean though the two issues I wanted to talk to the doctor about; breast pain that doesn't stop, and getting enough patches for 3 not 4 days cycles will have to wait till December.
I was talking to a work colleague (woman) about the weekend and expressed surprise at the amount of attention I seemed to be getting. She assured me that it wasn't for any bad reasons... but because I am attractive. This I find a little hard to credit, but people keep telling me so at some point I will have to accept the body of evidence.
@krobinson103 Well, you summed up your latest update perfectly...
"Wonderful news!"It is great that your laser hair removal is going so well and I can tell that you are so happy about your progress. Only 6 more sessions, certainly is terrific to have that coming to an end.
Interesting about your visit with the nurse that injected your
estradiol patch.
I have had several similar experiences with medical assistants that have seen me, some of them seemed to be amazed at how HRT has done it's magic... and when I had a recent mammogram, two of the technicians were very surprised that I was not a cis-woman... very affirming for certain.
Oh, and getting positive attention and even flirting being directed at me is most gratifying... it definitely makes the pain, time and effort that the transition journey requires... well worth it for sure.
Thanks for keeping us all updated with your amazing transformation story...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Hmmm I need to type some stuff to get my head clear around exactly what just happened.
It goes something like this...
Wife says to me "stop telling me about your day, tell your wife."
I say "err.. we are still married."
She says "no , I consider your gf to be your wife."
This got me thinking...
So while I'm chatting to Linda (gf) I tell her about this conversation and add well that means someone else needs the job of being my wife - would you like the job? She says yes....
I predict an interesting future.
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 26, 2018, 03:12:33 AM
I predict an interesting future
Now there's some more news worth celebrating, have a coffee .. on me :)
It's soo hard to keep up with all the goings on .. congrats on all the previous as well, I did read it all :)
Faith
With everything that has happened lately I'm so verging on changing gear and pushing the schedule a bit. With this new office opening and it not being well known... yet I'm so tempted to apply for at least a consultation to get the price. Once I have this I have a goal, and, since we have a few pay rises coming up I might be able to extend the mortgage a little to pay for SRS before the rush of 100 or so people who have been waiting for years jumps in. With luck I can arrange surgery for the coming 6 week school holiday in December giving me time to recover.
So many changes this year its hard to keep up sometimes!
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 26, 2018, 03:12:33 AMShe says yes....
Congratulations! With all the other good news happening to you, this one is big!
Well last night some random dude on facebook messaged me. Usually I ignore such messages but this guy looked less dodgy than the rest. Turns out he is looking for a girl friend / partner. So Before he says another word I say before you waste any time going down this road know I'm transgender. I fully expected him to stop right there...
But he did not So I tell him I'm also mostly lesbian and not really looking for a partner right now (as you know life is busy is that regard!). He says cool lets be friends instead. I say ok.. why not. So he says you look really young and he would never have guessed I was trans. I say thanks I'm 43. He says no way you look 30 at best. :)
Adds to the pile of proof HRT is working! If some young late 20's dude wants to 'chat me up' - his words the line must truly be crossed.
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 28, 2018, 12:51:36 PM
Well last night some random dude on facebook messaged me. Usually I ignore such messages but this guy looked less dodgy than the rest. Turns out he is looking for a girl friend / partner. So Before he says another word I say before you waste any time going down this road know I'm transgender. I fully expected him to stop right there...
But he did not So I tell him I'm also mostly lesbian and not really looking for a partner right now (as you know life is busy is that regard!). He says cool lets be friends instead. I say ok.. why not. So he says you look really young and he would never have guessed I was trans. I say thanks I'm 43. He says no way you look 30 at best. :)
Adds to the pile of proof HRT is working! If some young late 20's dude wants to 'chat me up' - his words the line must truly be crossed.
@krobinson103 Wow.... music to any of our ears to hear that onlookers think that we appear dramatically younger than our real physical age..... :)
I am personally impressed with the progress of your transition and the changes in your appearance that is not only a result of HRT but also it is a result of your personal efforts with cosmetic efforts and you mannerisms.
Keep on keeping on.... what you are doing is working in your favor for sure.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 28, 2018, 01:04:18 PM
@krobinson103
Wow.... music to any of our ears to hear that onlookers think that we appear dramatically younger than our real physical age..... :)
I am personally impressed with the progress of your transition and the changes in your appearance that is not only a result of HRT but also it is a result of your personal efforts with cosmetic efforts and you mannerisms.
Keep on keeping on.... what you are doing is working in your favor for sure.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
Thank you Danielle. Your support is very welcome and its nice to see people take an interest in my little transition. :) I spent so many years not caring about my appearance that now I like what I see I take pains to look my best every day if I can. :) Besides its fun to feel beautiful and wear nice clothes etc.
Besides the dysphoria monster still has a few rather blunted teeth left and there are still a few occasions I doubt myself. This will stop however because doubt is NOT ALLOWED in my thoughts any more.
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 26, 2018, 03:12:33 AM
Hmmm I need to type some stuff to get my head clear around exactly what just happened.
It goes something like this...
Wife says to me "stop telling me about your day, tell your wife."
I say "err.. we are still married."
She says "no , I consider your gf to be your wife."
This got me thinking...
So while I'm chatting to Linda (gf) I tell her about this conversation and add well that means someone else needs the job of being my wife - would you like the job? She says yes....
I predict an interesting future.
Quote from: krobinson103 on September 27, 2018, 02:47:11 PM
With everything that has happened lately I'm so verging on changing gear and pushing the schedule a bit. With this new office opening and it not being well known... yet I'm so tempted to apply for at least a consultation to get the price. Once I have this I have a goal, and, since we have a few pay rises coming up I might be able to extend the mortgage a little to pay for SRS before the rush of 100 or so people who have been waiting for years jumps in. With luck I can arrange surgery for the coming 6 week school holiday in December giving me time to recover.
So many changes this year its hard to keep up sometimes!
Always nice to read your updates, Kelly. I am so glad things are progressing really well.
The above seem to be the two highlights.
Congratulations on the first and wishing you the best of luck with a December appointment with respect to the second.
Hugs
Pamela
I enjoy seeing your updates Kelly.
I always wish you the best.
You look wonderful.
Chrissy
Hi Kelly,
I read your entire thread over the last week. I must say you are a very impressive woman--especially your positive attitude! Your transition has been inspirational to read about and I look forward to following it from here.
I agree with Danielle--your sincere post and regular updates are very much appreciated! :)
rachel
Hi Kelly,
Everything is going so well for you that's awesome! Interesting about a new srs surgeon - like you said - so many people will be trying to jump on that soon, so good luck getting in while you can! - Are you on a public waiting list also? or are you going to fund this privately?
I posted an update on me in the fabulous thread, after a day out shopping with my wife for makeup from Mecca Maxima, also got some new sunglasses from Glassons, and had fun browsing through forever new and other shops at the Albany Mall. Oh plus some random makeup stuff from good old K'mart!
Take care,
Sonja.
Quote from: rachel de Corvus on September 29, 2018, 06:10:11 PM
Hi Kelly,
I read your entire thread over the last week. I must say you are a very impressive woman--especially your positive attitude! Your transition has been inspirational to read about and I look forward to following it from here.
I agree with Danielle--your sincere post and regular updates are very much appreciated! :)
rachel
Thank you. I'm glad my journey can provide some help to others.
Well still at my Mothers place. A few high lights.
My Wife called me She! Yay.
My Mother is struggling and can't bring herself to call me her daughter.. yet. But I think its a matter of time.
I found a Victorian perfume shop at the top of the cable car in Wellington and got some nice perfume today.
Went to my cousins place they are accepting.
The kids had a great time at the Waiuru war museum and Te Papa (NZ national museum)
Most importantly though I had a chat with my wife about the future. Its shaping up together but apart. She accepts the need for us live our lives as we see fit. She accepts (as do I) that as parents we have at least another ten years of working together. So, it looks like we will find a way to live on the same property, but with our own space. This could be adding to the existing one, or selling up and finding a larger house with two levels.
How this affects my Girl friend I'm not sure. I do know that my responsibility to my kids is paramount and trust that if the relationship is meant to be we will find a way. I haven't been stopped yet and the hurdles were far greater. :)
Life proceeds apace and, as always...
Today is a totally awesome day.
Went to a friends house today. Somewhere along the way he says you've really changed in the last two months. More confidence, appearance (more feminine) and being more at home dressing as a woman. I said thanks. I hadn't noticed this myself. Even my wife said I looked like a middle aged woman at the mini golf course the other day (which is as close to a compliment from her in that area as I'm likely to get).
Fights are fairly frequent and we need to resolve the living arrangements sooner rather than later. Not sure exactly what that looks like, but I have 3 days to think about it before I need to focus on work again so I'll make the best use of the time that I can.
My trip to see my Mother went well I could see She was somewhat shocked at how much has changed and is processing it slowly. I told her about the current living issues, the addition of my gf to the picture, and the strong possibility that things change... a lot ... next year.
I'm not exactly sure what tomorrow will bring! I do know I live in interesting times and its not a bad thing.
Today I want to reflect on some internal rewiring that has lately really kicked in. I've written about how much my libido has returned but something that has become more obvious is the total change in how my body experiences orgasm. It used to be a really localized thing. Now its super intense and... everywhere. In my toes, my finger tips my whole body... its just so much more than it used to be. A more mental focus as well in that it could happen just with the right thoughts lol.
Did I say already how awesome hrt is? ;D ::) :angel:
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 02, 2018, 01:01:35 PM
Today I want to reflect on some internal rewiring that has lately really kicked in. I've written about how much my libido has returned but something that has become more obvious is the total change in how my body experiences orgasm. It used to be a really localized thing. Now its super intense and... everywhere. In my toes, my finger tips my whole body... its just so much more than it used to be. A more mental focus as well in that it could happen just with the right thoughts lol.
Did I say already how awesome hrt is? ;D ::) :angel:
Wow. I never heard of that excitement in the toes. That is interesting.
I have heard of people getting excited with feet or toes, but not the feet or toes themselves experiencing excitement... Cool.
Chrissy
Today was interesting. First decent warm day in spring so I took my youngest to the park felt like wearing my usual skirt, no stockings for a change cause its warm, a nice top, and my new 2 inch heel sandals. As usual no issues 'passing' but, my daughter used daddy about 200 times with lots of people around. Not sure if they thought trans or lesbian or what but you get a few odd looks.
The thing I noticed is that I really don't care anymore what people think or how they look at me. :) I know who I am and that's all that really matters. Some boys looked at me a bit oddly and said quietly to themselves I think thats a boy. Before that might have bothered me. Now it just amused me to watch them try and figure it out.
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 04, 2018, 02:53:34 AM
Today was interesting. First decent warm day in spring so I took my youngest to the park felt like wearing my usual skirt, no stockings for a change cause its warm, a nice top, and my new 2 inch heel sandals. As usual no issues 'passing' but, my daughter used daddy about 200 times with lots of people around. Not sure if they thought trans or lesbian or what but you get a few odd looks.
The thing I noticed is that I really don't care anymore what people think or how they look at me. :) I know who I am and that's all that really matters. Some boys looked at me a bit oddly and said quietly to themselves I think thats a boy. Before that might have bothered me. Now it just amused me to watch them try and figure it out.
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@krobinson103 Kudos to you.... this is exactly the correct attitude to have as you go out and about....
This positive attitude is something that all that are in transition should consider and adopt..
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle
I've gotten back into archery lately and find that the frustration I used to feel when I missed is gone. Rather I calmly think about what I didn't do and do it better next time. The effects of removing most of the t and adding e are profound...
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 04, 2018, 06:20:28 PM
I've gotten back into archery lately and find that the frustration I used to feel when I missed is gone. Rather I calmly think about what I didn't do and do it better next time. The effects of removing most of the t and adding e are profound...
@krobinson103 What you described is actually a good lesson in how we handle our life in general and more specifically how we handle our transition journey and our coming out and being full-time and being able to pass reliably and convincingly.
In other words,
what you are saying is that we need to learn from our mistakes.As we make "adjustments" to fine tune what we are doing to produce more success whether it be in Archery or in how we are "passing" .... success breeds more success.
Thanks for sharing and posting your positive thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 05, 2018, 01:25:56 AM
@krobinson103
What you described is actually a good lesson in how we handle our life in general and more specifically how we handle our transition journey and our coming out and being full-time and being able to pass reliably and convincingly.
In other words, what you are saying is that we need to learn from our mistakes.
As we make "adjustments" to fine tune what we are doing to produce more success whether it be in Archery or in how we are "passing" .... success breeds more success.
Thanks for sharing and posting your positive thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle
I don't think its quite as simple as that. I think we give ourselves PERMISSION to succeed and celebrate those successes rather than trying to find fault somehow. I think this stems from the reason for the activity. For example.
Today I was shooting arrows. Why? Because its fun and I wanted to relax.
Two years ago I shot lots of arrows. Why? Because I needed to be distracted from my inner battle.
Today I got some decent results... not great but I enjoyed it never the less
Two years ago I usually got near perfect results from 4 times further away.... and never once celebrated that. Rather tried to do better, and better, and so on.
What does this tell me? That then hobbies were a way TO STAY ALIVE. The distraction was pretty much all that was keeping me going. Now, hobbies are just fun and thanks to those 30 years I'm pretty good at a wide range of things!
The difference between running from something you can't escape, and being happy right where you are is very large.
Well I went nuts with the epilator today and there isn't a hair left below the ones on my head that are meant to be there. :) Since laser is being SUPER effective at killing facial hair I'm actually smooth... everywhere and it feels great! I don't need to shave for two days atm (still do it every day cause I like being smooth) and there are still 6 laser treatments left.
Met up with 6 of the local trans girls today for an informal get together lots of fun. :) Made me feel lucky to not be sitting somewhere in the middle of nowhere...
@Sonja You should really catch up with network on facebook there are some good people out there.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/bHW58a
the Hrt time machine. left hand photo me 4 years ago, middle me 12! years ago and the one on the right me now.
Powerful stuff...
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/072a25
Yay! This dress I got a while ago... and now the shoulders and cleavage actually work!
Happy day.
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 06, 2018, 08:35:22 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/072a25
Yay! This dress I got a while ago... and now the shoulders and cleavage actually work!
Happy day.
@krobinson103
I really like this dress - looks great on you too!
I definitely want to make some friends that I can meet up with but I have been flat out busy for the last few weeks.
Is there a particular FB group you could PM me?
Take care,
Sonja.
A day for reflection. Life is a tapestry and each part plays a role in completing the picture. Over forty three years I've experienced a lot and its all come together to this day and this moment.
When I was a child I never fit in. Kids teased me, it hurt. BUT I learned that you can stand on your on feet and truly words are just that... words.
As a teen I never fit in either, I struggled with gender and sexual identity. So I focused on school and got what I needed to got university. A vital step because...
At university I learned to be self motivated by failing badly. I went through a cycle of deep depression and no motivation. It taught me that if you put in nothing you get nothing which was important because...
I went back and finished my science degree, then another in management went to Korea, worked for 14 years found my true path and passion (teaching) and also a wife and family along the way. I also experienced some truly unique things and learned to be bilingual which helped because...
I returned to New Zealand and did another grad diploma in Teaching while learning another language (Maori) which helped me because...
I got a job teaching special needs which I discovered as the job I want to do forever. Which was also vital because it taught me that however different you are you are still special. This helped because...
It pulled me from the brink of suicide a year ago, which in itself was nessecary because it showed me i had to transition which is documented in this thread. The costs have been high, but the rewards 10 times more.
People talk of wishing they had transitioned earlier. I even thought that... till today because if I had I wouldn't have experienced the rich tapestry that life is and have the inner strength to stick to my convictions and just be me so...
There are no regrets. This day, and all the days before are and were totally awesome days and I wouldn't change a single one of them.
You had a longer time to "grow your conviction". But it's interesting because I feel like I went through a similar set of events to find self acceptance. My experiences were different than yours. Everytime I look back and reflect on my life, I feel like it all affirms the reasons I chose to transition.
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
Lately I've noticed that laser hair removal has tamed my facial hair to the point that I really don't need makeup to hide. For the last week I've just gone with sun block and a light bb creme and I have to say...
I LIKE IT!
Even after 5pm regrowth is minimal enough its not noticeable.
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 09, 2018, 02:01:37 PM
Lately I've noticed that laser hair removal has tamed my facial hair to the point that I really don't need makeup to hide. For the last week I've just gone with sun block and a light bb creme and I have to say...
I LIKE IT!
Even after 5pm regrowth is minimal enough its not noticeable.
@krobinson103 This is really great news and I know from personal experience that it is so affirming and confidence building to be able to go without shaving ..... soon enough you may not need to even worry about male appearing facial hair.
I am so very happy for you.... this kind of thing does wonders for your "female" ego!!!!
Keep the reports and pictures coming as you feel so led.
Hugs,
Danielle
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/d5p0E1
New hair colour time. Few more shades and I'll be happy. Given I'm 40% grey it should be easy to maintain...
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 09, 2018, 11:41:50 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/d5p0E1
New hair colour time. Few more shades and I'll be happy. Given I'm 40% grey it should be easy to maintain...
@krobinson103 Your new hair color looks great, but it is so much fun experimenting with shades and colors.
Hmmm, where is your smile in that picture ???
Thank you for sharing and posting,
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 09, 2018, 11:59:05 PM
@krobinson103
Your new hair color looks great, but it is so much fun experimenting with shades and colors.
Hmmm, where is your smile in that picture ???
Thank you for sharing and posting,
Hugs,
Danielle
Been a distracting day. Lots of paperwork... doesn't make for happy me! But on the good side on Friday I have a LGBT photo shoot... that will be interesting.
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 10, 2018, 12:43:16 AM
Been a distracting day. Lots of paperwork... doesn't make for happy me! But on the good side on Friday I have a LGBT photo shoot... that will be interesting.
@krobinson103 ahhhh.... you are doing a LGBT photo-shoot....
your followers and I will love to see the photos if you feel so led to posting them. ....
OH, and by the way, be certain to SMILE !!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
I swear every term moving my classroom furniture is getting harder. I'm struggling to move relatively heavy desks now. Might have to start to work out a little... there is a cost to having low muscle mass!
Maybe your students who can help might help you move some of the desks too?
A little muscle toning is usually good though. :)
Chrissy
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/De665M
Well I'm as ready as I can be for this photo shoot...
EDIT
A successful and fun day... :)
On reflection...
I am pleased to be able to show people that being trans is ok... and you not something to hide. But, today I found something that pleased me more. Dressed as I was today (which wasn't overly different to any number of women at the hospital to be honest) I just blended. So much in fact I sat there and watched the guys looking around for our group to arrive. I must have looked in his direction for 2-3 minutes and never picked me as trans... given he was looking for trans people to meet him he was primed. :)
Yay!
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 12, 2018, 01:56:35 AM
On reflection...
I am pleased to be able to show people that being trans is ok... and you not something to hide. But, today I found something that pleased me more. Dressed as I was today (which wasn't overly different to any number of women at the hospital to be honest) I just blended. So much in fact I sat there and watched the guys looking around for our group to arrive. I must have looked in his direction for 2-3 minutes and never picked me as trans... given he was looking for trans people to meet him he was primed. :)
Yay!
Yay! Indeed!
Chrissy
Had a good conversation with Linda (my girl friend) this afternoon. We are on the same page and have a good time line but its still two years before any major changes are possible in terms of living etc. I suppose good things take time. :)
I'm getting very good at ... waiting ...
A red letter day!
As mentioned earlier in this thread Transgender medical services in New Zealand when it comes to SRS were... very poor. In addition health insurance excluded SRS - and I tried many companies. Today it was announced that the government is lifting the surgery cap. This means many more surgeries will be performed and with a qualified surgeon now up and running things are looking up.
Realistically with the backlog its still years of waiting and I'll probably just go private anyway but there is hope now if money is not available.
On other fronts...
I feel I am more than accepted these days. Lately no one looks at me any different to anyone else. Today at the supermarket I really looked for odd looks etc. There aren't any. Not a one. Been talking with my girlfriend. She will transition very soon (waiting on a really slow letter it seems) and it looks like in two years we will be able to implement plan start again.
For the last few weeks this feeling of ... calm ... is upon me. Other than genital dysphoria (will be resolved) I feel... right. Like I'm no longer fighting myself or my nature cause they finally match. I feel powerful, at home in my skin, very feminine, and no longer afraid of being me.
Well my little ones 'girl dad' went to the school disco with her yesterday and the world did not end. Got some odd looks from some of the 12 year olds when she called me Dad... but thats ok!
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 18, 2018, 01:56:59 PM
Well my little ones 'girl dad' went to the school disco with her yesterday and the world did not end. Got some odd looks from some of the 12 year olds when she called me Dad... but thats ok!
That sounds like good times with your daughter. That is very nice.
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 18, 2018, 01:56:59 PM
Well my little ones 'girl dad' went to the school disco with her yesterday and the world did not end. Got some odd looks from some of the 12 year olds when she called me Dad... but thats ok!
Hey Kelly - I love taking my son to his school disco's they are so cool, love watching all the kids having fun.
From memory you have two children?
I just got back from my first visit to NZ SHS doctors visit, going to have 2 counselling sessions and then second doctors appt to start hrt! so basically start 11 December if I understood correctly.
Take care,
Sonja.
To answer your question yes, I do have two children. Six and Twelve years old.
Wow co-incidental you are exactly one year behind me in Starting HRT. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 18, 2018, 08:56:02 PM
To answer your question yes, I do have two children. Six and Twelve years old.
Wow co-incidental you are exactly one year behind me in Starting HRT. :)
@krobinson103
1 year exact - OH Wow That's cool! we'll have the same 'b'day' ! lolgoing to use a couple tricks to get back on FB, bit embarrassed to join genderbridge only to disappear immediately...I'll be back on soon.
Weathers looking good for the long weekend!
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on October 18, 2018, 06:39:52 PM
I just got back from my first visit to NZ SHS doctors visit, going to have 2 counselling sessions and then second doctors appt to start hrt! so basically start 11 December if I understood correctly.
Take care,
Sonja.
Sonja
I am so pleased to hear this. Good luck with the counselling and on starting HRT on December 11th.
Hugs
Pamela
Quote from: Sonja on October 18, 2018, 06:39:52 PM
Hey Kelly - I love taking my son to his school disco's they are so cool, love watching all the kids having fun.
From memory you have two children?
I just got back from my first visit to NZ SHS doctors visit, going to have 2 counselling sessions and then second doctors appt to start hrt! so basically start 11 December if I understood correctly.
Take care,
Sonja.
Wow Sonja,
HRT is massive news! Wishing you all the very best. I know you will love it!
Kirsten x.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Well its been a while since I updated this and some interesting developments have come along.
Finally making progress on sorting out household issues. Building garden shed and getting garage carpet so I will soon have a space I can call my own.
Had a fun BBQ with the local trans girls and crashed a friends house for the night (to sleep....) which I haven't done for a while! years.
Relationship with wife is stable, girl friend is coming along as well as I can hope given the circumstances.
Ala our very own Alaska it now seems I have another suiter... a man this time. I don't know that its a good idea to encourage interest given I have my hands pretty full but I am quite lonely...
Every day is totally awesome day and never dull it seems!
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 21, 2018, 03:36:38 AM
Well its been a while since I updated this and some interesting developments have come along.
Finally making progress on sorting out household issues. Building garden shed and getting garage carpet so I will soon have a space I can call my own.
Had a fun BBQ with the local trans girls and crashed a friends house for the night (to sleep....) which I haven't done for a while! years.
Relationship with wife is stable, girl friend is coming along as well as I can hope given the circumstances.
Ala our very own Alaska it now seems I have another suiter... a man this time. I don't know that its a good idea to encourage interest given I have my hands pretty full but I am quite lonely...
Every day is totally awesome day and never dull it seems!
@krobinson103 Thank you for your update.... all good news in several areas of your life.
I love it, you are building for yourself a place of your own.... a woman shed.
It sounds like your BBQ was indeed a fun time.... and very self-assuring for you.
I am very glad that you have found a way to have a stable agreement with your wife.....
....oh, and your girlfriend... I will be looking for your future updates to tell us more about that.
Ahhhh, having Suitors, yes indeed that is most assuring and confidence building for most transgenders.
This suitor stuff is brand new for all of us MTF or FTM alike.
The big important thing for me that I always share on my thread is that I try to not go too quickly with romantic relationships... runaway emotions is something that I have to keep control of... and that can be most difficult because of my inexperience being the one that is pursued.
I love your final thought about everyday being awesome.
Thank you for sharing and posting... your followers are your biggest fans.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 21, 2018, 08:47:49 AM
@krobinson103
Thank you for your update.... all good news in several areas of your life.
I love it, you are building for yourself a place of your own.... a woman shed.
It sounds like your BBQ was indeed a fun time.... and very self-assuring for you.
I am very glad that you have found a way to have a stable agreement with your wife.....
....oh, and your girlfriend... I will be looking for your future updates to tell us more about that.
Ahhhh, having Suitors, yes indeed that is most assuring and confidence building for most transgenders.
This suitor stuff is brand new for all of us MTF or FTM alike.
The big important thing for me that I always share on my thread is that I try to not go too quickly with romantic relationships... runaway emotions is something that I have to keep control of... and that can be most difficult because of my inexperience being the one that is pursued.
I love your final thought about everyday being awesome.
Thank you for sharing and posting... your followers are your biggest fans.
Hugs,
Danielle
Err yes being called the most beautiful and amazing woman someone has ever met does tend to go to your head. Definitely not used to that! But, at the same time, there is so much going on I don't need more complications - raging hormones on no!
Well the saga continues! My life is a bit like a cheap soap Opera at the moment.
I'm forging on with stuff for work going ok.
Wife and I had a good chat and she is scared for the future.
Situation with GF is stable.
BUT
As mentioned in the earlier entry this new fellow seems quite serious and doesn't seem to be >-bleeped-<. He has a stable job and is of an age to fit my requirements for a long term partner. Thus, I have a dilemma. Two paths open for me. The first, wait 2 years for Linda while sorting out the family stuff and in general tidying up the lose ends.
OR
Encourage this man who seems to be willing to go the lengths of actually flying here to visit me (from the states) and see where that takes this journey. This of course would really complicate things, and sink the leaky titanic that is whats left of my marriage. Its tempting to investigate this path because if offers a potential 'fresh start'
I'm approaching another really major fork in the road and as it gets closer the responsibilities from the past weight heavily on me. It would be nice to escape the 'male' role all together and well just be me and let someone else take some of the lead...
I am seriously not used to being popular! This feels really, really strange.
Today is a perplexing... but still awesome day.
Surgery consult in 2 weeks! I'm so happy I could burst!
I built a shed over the past week and moved most of the things from the garage. Garage carpet comes in a week or two. I've begun to modify the garage into a combined office and bedroom. My wife is starting to spend time with more people independently which is good. The situation described a few posts back still perplexes me. I am tempted to let down the shields a little and see if He is sincere. Thing is I think I may have forgotten how. A poor marriage for over a decade, the previous dysphoria. Leaves me suspicous and defensive when people are actually nice to me.
Yesterday i was told I beautiful, talented, hardworking, and a catch. Now yes... He wants something - me but I realized something. I don't feel like I'm any of those things. I like how I look but would I call it beautiful? No. If being talented means being ok and at a lot of different things maybe again I don't see it. Hard work is a given to me and as for being a catch? I don't buy it. I think I need to deal with this elf esteem thing as it seems to be a hangover from the past that definitely doesn't want to follow me forward.
Something is very clear though. The future is calling. Everything I wanted to line up is. The question now is what do I do when it all does? Whats the next big plan for Kelly?
Yesterday I made a decision.
As mentioned previously I've had a rather ardent suitor for a while who despite my laying out all the facts and potential pitfalls wouldn't be put off. After a lot of reflection on the risk and reward of the situation and taking into account the current situation at home (train wreck all but complete!) I came to the conclusion that letting down my shields and take a risk is worth it.
To this end we'll have a visitor to our town for two months (his idea). Given my wife and I only really live under the same roof and he is willing to fund this venture I feel its worth exploring the possibilities. Its sooner than I would have preferred but both my wife and myself feel constricted with the current situation so maybe its time.
Oh yes, I also had a facial for the first time in my life... have to say... Why didn't I do it before? Very nice. :)
Here's to new beginnings...
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 29, 2018, 01:19:25 PM
Yesterday I made a decision.
As mentioned previously I've had a rather ardent suitor for a while who despite my laying out all the facts and potential pitfalls wouldn't be put off. After a lot of reflection on the risk and reward of the situation and taking into account the current situation at home (train wreck all but complete!) I came to the conclusion that letting down my shields and take a risk is worth it.
To this end we'll have a visitor to our town for two months (his idea). Given my wife and I only really live under the same roof and he is willing to fund this venture I feel its worth exploring the possibilities. Its sooner than I would have preferred but both my wife and myself feel constricted with the current situation so maybe its time.
Oh yes, I also had a facial for the first time in my life... have to say... Why didn't I do it before? Very nice. :)
Here's to new beginnings...
@krobinson103 Very interesting update.... I can fully understand the emotions and many new feelings that you are now having with your new suitor and with how well your transition journey is going for you.
Definitely sounds exciting and you are no doubt very excited considering all of the issues at home and the fact that you are now being pursued (it's a great feeling to be wanted).... the only advice, and you did not solicit it so please forgive me, is for you to consider going forward with it somewhat slow and careful as you navigate the mine fields of romantic relationships in your new trans-woman body and mind. Just saying!!!
I will be looking forward to your continued updates as you feel free to post them.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 29, 2018, 02:31:04 PM
@krobinson103
Very interesting update.... I can fully understand the emotions and many new feelings that you are now having with your new suitor and with how well your transition journey is going for you.
Definitely sounds exciting and you are no doubt very excited considering all of the issues at home and the fact that you are now being pursued (it's a great feeling to be wanted).... the only advice, and you did not solicit it so please forgive me, is for you to consider going forward with it somewhat slow and careful as you navigate the mine fields of romantic relationships in your new trans-woman body and mind. Just saying!!!
I will be looking forward to your continued updates as you feel free to post them.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle
Danielle,
Thanks for that. Am I excited? Not yet.Cautiously optimistic expecting some MAJOR push back from extended family. Still this is something that has to be done. I would have preferred later but too many boxes ticked to not see if it works. Will I take it slowly? You bet. Thats why I've been gathering information for the last two months to see if this man is really serious. He seems to be if he's willing to put his money where his mouth is and accept my condition that most of my money supports the family.
Trying to remain objective and keep the long game and the families welfare foremost in my thoughts but this fellow is too darn likeable and HRT enhanced emotions are chipping away at my shields.
Quote from: krobinson103 on October 30, 2018, 03:15:13 AM
Trying to remain objective and keep the long game and the families welfare foremost in my thoughts but this fellow is too darn likeable and HRT enhanced emotions are chipping away at my shields.
bridge to engineering: Scotty !
Our cloaking device is not working, they can see us now...
...do what you can to keep the shields up!!!
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 30, 2018, 08:42:33 AM
bridge to engineering: Scotty !
Our cloaking device is not working, they can see us now...
...do what you can to keep the shields up!!!
I think the 'issue' is that I actually like being wanted for just being me. Not being Dad, not being provider... just me. That hasn't happened for a very long time. Had a fairly long conversation yesterday and I just get a good feeling - similar to when I left for Korea, or met my wife, or came back to New Zealand to retrain, or decided to transition. they all had their costs but the end result was always overwhelmingly positive.
The fact is EVERYTHING is going according to plan. Work, surgery processing, social integration (done in most respects), HRT, laser hair removal, family, even dropped a little weight the last couple of weeks. I keep expecting some major disaster cause life never works like this for me. Life is just right. I even like what I see in the mirror!
Kinda feels like living in a dream. I keep thinking I'll wake up and find it wasn't real... but it is.
Well an interesting little story from today;
Went to my girls school gala. I was with my youngest. She said dress like a man. I said sweetie I can't I have no mens clothes. She says oh... can you wear pants then? So I decided to be nice to her. No makeup, very plain clothes. Skinny jeans, boring top, woolen jersey. She says to the woman at the stall we were at...
"I'm spending my daddy's money"
She looks at her, looks at me then says (looking at me)
"Oh so where is your dad? Is he in the hall?"
I thought for a bit and decided to just enjoy the moment of being viewed as mum and just said yes lol.
The night before I went out with a women friend to the movies. First 'date' I've had in a long time actually. So we went and saw Bohemian Rhapsody. Good movie. On the way home it was cold walking to the car. So I pull out my backup sweater and she looks at me and says...
"you're such a girl!"
I looked her right in the eyes and said that's the nicest thing you've said all night.
@krobinson103 Wow, such wonderful and terrific moments for you...
That was so very sweet about your daughter... and then the woman that asked where her dad was.
... and your reply to the woman was quick thinking and so appropriate...
Most certainly very sweet and memorable moments.
At your "date night" at the movie with you woman friend....
"You're such a girl!" Certainly all of this is very affirming .... keep on keeping on....
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 02, 2018, 11:56:16 PM
@krobinson103
Wow, such wonderful and terrific moments for you...
That was so very sweet about your daughter... and then the woman that asked where her dad was.
... and your reply to the woman was quick thinking and so appropriate...
Most certainly very sweet and memorable moments.
At your "date night" at the movie with you woman friend....
"You're such a girl!"
Certainly all of this is very affirming .... keep on keeping on....
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
Thanks
On the plus side she said she'd go on a date with me any time. Probably won't push that particular relationship till everything that is in play has been decided though. Things are complicated enough with two possibilities to add a third!
Well today I went to the pool and didn't worry about shorts over my swimsuit. The skirt is sufficient to hide what bulge there is even without tucking but in all honestly... I don't care anymore. :)
... and my daughter keeps calling me mum without meaning to. :) We might just be winning.
Well I've been doing some due diligence on this new man and it looks more and more like he is the genuine article so I've given the green light for the visit which raises a new ethical dilemma! Linda, with whom I have an open relationship with the understanding that if we are both still free in a year or so we live together and make a go of it, is very much in my thoughts.
I do love her, and, given the right timing we could make a life together I think. At the same time my new man who seems determined to prove himself would make a good fit also, would solve the living with my kids mother (long term...) problem, and allow me to merge right into the fabric of society by being a woman with a man (a very attractive prospect). It would also give the kids a more hetero normative male role model in their lives. I make a very poor role model in that regard!
I know this though, I can't have my cake and eat it to. He is going to want exclusivity (as would I). I'm still not 100% convinced that he is the one but I want to give him the chance. That means in all fairness to Linda I should tell her.
Just to make things more complex my date in the weekend was also a success and she told me she is happy to go on more.
Whats a girl to do?
Well I told my wife and eldest daughter about my plan to meet Mack (army dude) and they both....
Approve
That wasn't the response I was expecting.
Dysphoria lurks under the surface it seems.
Today the mother of my children (can't call her my wife anymore) said her mother was visiting us in october next year. My youngest said can you pretend to be a man? I snapped said in no uncertain terms that person is dead and he is not coming back for anything, or anyone. I though the pain was going away but just one little thought of even doing that for a week was revolting beyond anything else.
Well life moves apace!
I have a third date this Friday night with my lady friend we are going to see a late movie and decide what to do after that - I won't end up going home though this I know. My Man is looking more and more real and I think at this point its getting pretty certain he is coming and he is beginning to win my trust. Linda (long distance gf) I'm going to have to have to talk to as things are coming to a head here! I'm coming to a crossroads where I need to make a decision on just one of my THREE possible partners - but not quite yet. :)
My ex wife and I are getting along ok, bit subdued with all the changes coming up. She is anxious about the future but I have assured her she will be supported until she is able to do so for herself. Seems she has a new semi-serious boy friend which keeps her happy and perhaps offers a potential future path. The kids know about our visitor in December and seem to be excited to meet him.
Surgery consult next Monday! YAY! I'm so looking forward to that. Laser is moving along nicely added my upper lip to the treatment plan as home laser was getting a bit overwhelmed. Got to the point I don't need makeup or foundation anymore just use moisturizer and bb cream and shadow is simply.. not there for at least 24 hours.
My hair is now down to my shoulders and past my neck with my hairline regenerating! The girl at the laser place looked at me last week, looked at my chart (which shows your age etc) and said "you can't be 44" I said thanks, How old do I look? She said 30. :) I asked why and she said I had no wrinkles.. at all. I used to have many.
I can truly say for the first time in a long time that I'm excited about the future.
Another totally awesome day in a year of totally awesome days.
@krobinson103 A very interesting update.... lots of things going on in your life.
So it seems that you are involved in a decision about your 3 possible partners.... I seem to be able to identify with that kind of issue with multiple romantic entanglements. Going slow and careful is my best advice and try to not let your heart overrule your brain and vice-versa.
Great news about your hair situation and looking 14 years younger that your age... I think that the girl at the Laser Place may need flowers and/or chocolate.
Question: How did your daughter react to your answer to her request that you "pretend to be a man" when your wife's mother comes to visit next year?
Thank you for your update,
As always I am wishing your well,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 06, 2018, 02:44:39 PM
@krobinson103
A very interesting update.... lots of things going on in your life.
So it seems that you are involved in a decision about your 3 possible partners.... I seem to be able to identify with that kind of issue with multiple romantic entanglements. Going slow and careful is my best advice and try to not let your heart overrule your brain and vice-versa.
Great news about your hair situation and looking 14 years younger that your age... I think that the girl at the Laser Place may need flowers and/or chocolate.
Question: How did your daughter react to your answer to her request that you "pretend to be a man" when your wife's mother comes to visit next year?
Thank you for your update,
As always I am wishing your well,
Danielle
She cried at first, then a few hours later came in and said she understood. So a good outcome. But what surprised me was the sheer revulsion I felt of even the idea...
Well I'm getting closer to a decision. The woman I'm dating at the moment is a good friend... but she doesn't want more than that so thats cool. My man is being very consistent and my family seem to be accepting so subject to him being who he says he is, keeping his promise, and things working in person I'm putting him at the top of the list.
Shields up!
Hmm suspicious activity today. Asking for itunes gift cards for phone data when you can't buy phone data with gift cards. Gonna give him a chance to explain himself but I suspect I know what the outcome is...
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 08, 2018, 01:43:56 AM
Shields up!
Hmm suspicious activity today. Asking for itunes gift cards for phone data when you can't buy phone data with gift cards. Gonna give him a chance to explain himself but I suspect I know what the outcome is...
Kelly - Oh dear! - That doesn't sound good :-( careful there....
Take care,
Sonja
Quote from: Sonja on November 08, 2018, 01:57:53 AM
Kelly - Oh dear! - That doesn't sound good :-( careful there....
Take care,
Sonja
Blocked and deleted... enough doesn't add up that I don't want to play games.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 08, 2018, 02:36:28 AM
Blocked and deleted... enough doesn't add up that I don't want to play games.
Sorry it didn't work out, but I'm glad you've got a good friend who you can go out with and take your mind off it!
Take care Kelly,
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on November 08, 2018, 02:44:45 AM
Sorry it didn't work out, but I'm glad you've got a good friend who you can go out with and take your mind off it!
Take care Kelly,
Sonja.
When you feel confident you should come and join us. :) The more the merrier.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 08, 2018, 03:12:48 AM
When you feel confident you should come and join us. :) The more the merrier.
Thank you Kelly, I will - just need a little bit more time.
Thx,
Sonja
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 08, 2018, 01:43:56 AM
Shields up!
Hmm suspicious activity today. Asking for itunes gift cards for phone data when you can't buy phone data with gift cards. Gonna give him a chance to explain himself but I suspect I know what the outcome is...
@krobinson103 Whoa.... definitely... shields up and get ready to go to warp speed.
Is this Mack that you are talking about? ... the one that wants to meet your family?
So very sad to hear about this turn of events.
Be careful out there, it is a dangerous world for a new woman.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 08, 2018, 03:31:43 PM
@krobinson103
Whoa.... definitely... shields up and get ready to go to warp speed.
Is this Mack that you are talking about? ... the one that wants to meet your family?
So very sad to hear about this turn of events.
Be careful out there, it is a dangerous world for a new woman.
Hugs,
Danielle
Well photon torpedoes armed lol. Oh well I lost nothing. :)
An action packed weekend!
On Friday night I went to the movies with my lady friend once again and once again didn't end up coming home till the next morning. This time things got a tad closer I suspect that could get closer still if I pushed the issue but I don't really want to force things. Woke up 4am a bit confused... where exactly am I? Oh yeah that's right. One interesting thing she did say. Looked at me and said "You've got all that, why are you interested in me?" (referring to my body). Now this makes me wonder... what are people seeing what I'm not? I certainly don't think I have "all that"!
Anyway, got home and chatted for a while, caught up with some other friends, and took my daughter to the public fireworks display conveniently five minutes down the road from house. No effort to 'pass' in any way shape or form and as usual no one gets it wrong anymore. :)
Monday I have my surgery consult, looking forward to that!
Another totally awesome day.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 10, 2018, 03:06:33 AM
An action packed weekend!
On Friday night I went to the movies with my lady friend once again and once again didn't end up coming home till the next morning. This time things got a tad closer I suspect that could get closer still if I pushed the issue but I don't really want to force things. Woke up 4am a bit confused... where exactly am I? Oh yeah that's right. One interesting thing she did say. Looked at me and said "You've got all that, why are you interested in me?" (referring to my body). Now this makes me wonder... what are people seeing what I'm not? I certainly don't think I have "all that"!
Anyway, got home and chatted for a while, caught up with some other friends, and took my daughter to the public fireworks display conveniently five minutes down the road from house. No effort to 'pass' in any way shape or form and as usual no one gets it wrong anymore. :)
Monday I have my surgery consult, looking forward to that!
Another totally awesome day.
That post is a really big deal for me. Im 6' tall slender. I'm a roughneck knock about sort of guy on the surface. But men & women alike are starting to comment on my appearance. I would dearly love to be percieved as female but I fall short in key areas.
Please tell me what it is like to pass. To interact with men & women & be accepted as the fairer sex.
I feel like I may be entering the awkard phase between genders and I welcome it wholeheartedly.
Your story is intriguing by the way.
Yours truly, Kirsten.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on November 10, 2018, 05:02:12 AM
That post is a really big deal for me. Im 6' tall slender. I'm a roughneck knock about sort of guy on the surface. But men & women alike are starting to comment on my appearance. I would dearly love to be percieved as female but I fall short in key areas.
Please tell me what it is like to pass. To interact with men & women & be accepted as the fairer sex.
I feel like I may be entering the awkard phase between genders and I welcome it wholeheartedly.
Your story is intriguing by the way.
Yours truly, Kirsten.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
What is it to pass? You go from looking like a man to being somewhere in the middle (the hardest bit I found) then... the stares just stop. Women smile at you - you're in the club. You get conversations that include "us women...". Men look at... other attributes and they get both more friendly and more standoffish at the same time. I find my opinion has somehow become less important at school (being male has its advantages in eductation!) but at the same time I get more trust - I'm not an evil man after all lol.
To me its a feeling of... coming home to a place that has always been waiting.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 10, 2018, 05:56:03 PM.
To me its a feeling of... coming home to a place that has always been waiting.
I love that statement, Kelly. I reminds me of a quote from Maya Angelou:
"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned."
I used that quote in my coming out letter on Facebook over a year ago. I never thought I'd get to that place, but here I am 13 months later, living the life, just as you are. It can really happen. Congratulations on getting there, sister.
Stephanie
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 10, 2018, 05:56:03 PM
What is it to pass? You go from looking like a man to being somewhere in the middle (the hardest bit I found) then... the stares just stop. Women smile at you - you're in the club. You get conversations that include "us women...". Men look at... other attributes and they get both more friendly and more standoffish at the same time. I find my opinion has somehow become less important at school (being male has its advantages in eductation!) but at the same time I get more trust - I'm not an evil man after all lol.
To me its a feeling of... coming home to a place that has always been waiting.
@krobinson103 Thank you for sharing your interesting thoughts.....
I agree with
@Steph2.0 and I especially like your last sentence:
"To me its a feeling of... coming home to a place that has always been waiting."As always, thank you for sharing and posting.... and wishing you well.
Hugs,
Danielle
Well. tomorrow is the big day. I find out if surgery is going to happen. Nervous!
Another date lined up for this coming Friday this time to a local restaurant. I don't know where this path is taking me but its breaking the bonds that hold me back. I think its important to break free of those. I almost feel like I'm losing my remaining self image anxieties and becoming more and more me every day. People keep saying how good I look etc and they can't all be wrong!
Went to the pool with my 7 year old again this weekend and realized that even though what I do have left makes a barely noticeable bulge I don't care anymore - at all. I have no body anxiety left. I feel like the person who lived on the inside lives on the outside now and She is confident, pretty, and doesn't give a crap about what people think!
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 11, 2018, 12:57:34 AM
Well. tomorrow is the big day. I find out if surgery is going to happen. Nervous!
Another date lined up for this coming Friday this time to a local restaurant. I don't know where this path is taking me but its breaking the bonds that hold me back. I think its important to break free of those. I almost feel like I'm losing my remaining self image anxieties and becoming more and more me every day. People keep saying how good I look etc and they can't all be wrong!
Went to the pool with my 7 year old again this weekend and realized that even though what I do have left makes a barely noticeable bulge I don't care anymore - at all. I have no body anxiety left. I feel like the person who lived on the inside lives on the outside now and She is confident, pretty, and doesn't give a crap about what people think!
@krobinson103 Yes, for sure it will be a memorable and anticipated day for you to find out about your proposed surgery. I trust that you get the news that you are hoping for.... "Nervous" is normal... I hope that the nervousness turns into joy for you.
.... hmmm.... another date! Exciting times and new territory to explore with your new body and emotions... please be careful and allow your mind to modulate your heart..... slow and careful would be my unsolicited advice if you were to ask.
Note: Don't plan give away any iTune cards to your date!!! LOL :eusa_doh:
ahh, the POOL, that's right you are coming into your Summer season soon.... it took me a moment to comprehend your comment... right now it is snowing hard here and just 13 deg F (-11C)
Your confidence and self-assurance are your best weapons against those that do not want to accept you. You are correct, we should not care what the people think that do not know us and do not care for us. A good attitude for you to have. I trust that you and your daughter had a great time.
As always, thank you for chronicling your adventures and sharing your experiences....
I will be looking for your next report when you feel so led to post it.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
@krobinson103
Hey Kelly,
Hope your meeting goes well. Correct me if I'm wrong but your date you just had was with a cis-woman?
I'm glad so many things are going so well for you!
Take care,
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on November 11, 2018, 04:34:35 PM
@krobinson103
Hey Kelly,
Hope your meeting goes well. Correct me if I'm wrong but your date you just had was with a cis-woman?
I'm glad so many things are going so well for you!
Take care,
Sonja.
Yes, my date was with a cis-woman. The meeting went ok. The therapist didn't forward his letter (rang right after the appointment and asked them sort that asap). My height, weight, and blood pressure are good and the wait time is likely to four months.
T minus four months and counting.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/84784g
New photo time. Been a while
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 11, 2018, 11:21:32 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/84784g
New photo time. Been a while
@krobinson103 Eyebrows looking good, nice necklace, great outfit... and you are showing off you boobs!
Colored your hair!!! Do redheads have more fun???
Oh, and where is your big smile???
Thanks for sharing your new photo...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 11, 2018, 11:30:48 PM
@krobinson103
Eyebrows looking good, nice necklace, great outfit... and you are showing off you boobs!
Colored your hair!!! Do redheads have more fun???
Oh, and where is your big smile???
Thanks for sharing your new photo...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
This one does... :p
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 11, 2018, 12:57:34 AM
.....I don't care anymore - at all. I have no body anxiety left. I feel like the person who lived on the inside lives on the outside now and She is confident, pretty, and doesn't give a crap about what people think!
Hi Kelly, 12 November 2018
Your attitude expressed above is what all Trans folks should adopt. I agree with you 100% and it's what I have been practicing since about one month into the start of my transition. I live my life for the woman I love and us.
We all have an obligation and a right to be happy. More power to you and everyone here at Susan's Place.
Best Always, Love
Chris
Well I deleted the dating application after over 100 likes in a single day and so many messages it
gave me a headache sorting them all out! Found one profile I liked first and am chatting with him via text. Lives local and seems to be ok... going to meet on a public beach and see if this is the case.
Now the thing that blows me away about this whole experience is that despite writing transgender all over the profile, and reminding every single person of this before I even said more than hello there were still a lot of people who didn't seem to care. Yes, most of them would be after sex but it makes me wonder if the idea that being trans makes finding a date - if not a long term partner is all that big a barrier after all.
The other thing that blows me out of the water is that people seem to find me attractive. Most of the men who contacted me yesterday didn't read the profile, looked at the picture, and assumed I was CIS just like that. This seems hardly possible yet it seems to be proved beyond a doubt to be the truth... from multiple experiences not just this one.
A somewhat perplexing but totally awesome day.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 13, 2018, 10:24:47 AM
Well I deleted the dating application after over 100 likes in a single day and so many messages it
gave me a headache sorting them all out! Found one profile I liked first and am chatting with him via text. Lives local and seems to be ok... going to meet on a public beach and see if this is the case.
Now the thing that blows me away about this whole experience is that despite writing transgender all over the profile, and reminding every single person of this before I even said more than hello there were still a lot of people who didn't seem to care. Yes, most of them would be after sex but it makes me wonder if the idea that being trans makes finding a date - if not a long term partner is all that big a barrier after all.
The other thing that blows me out of the water is that people seem to find me attractive. Most of the men who contacted me yesterday didn't read the profile, looked at the picture, and assumed I was CIS just like that. This seems hardly possible yet it seems to be proved beyond a doubt to be the truth... from multiple experiences not just this one.
A somewhat perplexing but totally awesome day.
Good for you Kelly! Maybe this guy that you are texting with will be of interest over time.
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 11, 2018, 05:52:03 PM
Yes, my date was with a cis-woman. The meeting went ok. The therapist didn't forward his letter (rang right after the appointment and asked them sort that asap). My height, weight, and blood pressure are good and the wait time is likely to four months.
T minus four months and counting.
Kelly - Wow 4 months is not long to wait!! Exciting! It must feel a bit strange in a way to be dating a cis-woman having had a negative reaction from your cis-wife only to now be dating a cis-woman who accepts you. I guess I thought in some ways it must a feel a little bit unfair that someone can accept you but another can't. I guess thats just one of the things we have to deal with - acceptance on a person by person basis - not just for who we are but also what we are.
About you meeting on the beach - be careful - I forgot to put sun-cream on yesterday for my sons sports day, I'm paying for it now, well at least I put some on him...
Take care,
Sonja.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 13, 2018, 10:24:47 AM
Well I deleted the dating application after over 100 likes in a single day and so many messages it
gave me a headache sorting them all out! Found one profile I liked first and am chatting with him via text. Lives local and seems to be ok... going to meet on a public beach and see if this is the case.
Now the thing that blows me away about this whole experience is that despite writing transgender all over the profile, and reminding every single person of this before I even said more than hello there were still a lot of people who didn't seem to care. Yes, most of them would be after sex but it makes me wonder if the idea that being trans makes finding a date - if not a long term partner is all that big a barrier after all.
The other thing that blows me out of the water is that people seem to find me attractive. Most of the men who contacted me yesterday didn't read the profile, looked at the picture, and assumed I was CIS just like that. This seems hardly possible yet it seems to be proved beyond a doubt to be the truth... from multiple experiences not just this one.
A somewhat perplexing but totally awesome day.
@krobinson103 Things appear to be starting to progress very quickly for you regarding dating and all that may entail.
Just be sure to slow down and let your brain catch up to your heart.... there is so much to learn and so much to consider with all of these new female emotions and experiences.
Oh, and as my dad always told me, "If you can't be good, at least be very careful"
Please continue to keep us up to date.
Hugs...
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 13, 2018, 06:34:24 PM
@krobinson103
Things appear to be starting to progress very quickly for you regarding dating and all that may entail.
Just be sure to slow down and let your brain catch up to your heart.... there is so much to learn and so much to consider with all of these new female emotions and experiences.
Oh, and as my dad always told me, "If you can't be good, at least be very careful"
Please continue to keep us up to date.
Hugs...
Danielle
Stuff is surely happening fast now. Honestly I'm in a position where life resembles what I wished it would be... this is a strange thing to achieve what seemed impossible. Yes I keep reminding myself to keep caution uppermost in my mind. Especially given the progress of HRT and how it affects emotional response and sometimes overrides good sense...
Well my Mother in Law who I wasn't allowed to tell has figured it out and seems quite accepting. Father in law is yet to be told but I suspect the opposite reaction.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 15, 2018, 12:50:35 PM
Well my Mother in Law who I wasn't allowed to tell has figured it out and seems quite accepting. Father in law is yet to be told but I suspect the opposite reaction.
@krobinson103
Hey Kelly - Was it the boobs that gave it away.....LOL. Is this the in laws visiting from S.korea? or just long distance communicating?
Hope you're all good,
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on November 15, 2018, 03:58:12 PM
@krobinson103
Hey Kelly - Was it the boobs that gave it away.....LOL. Is this the in laws visiting from S.korea? or just long distance communicating?
Hope you're all good,
Sonja.
Hmm passing for a guy at this point would be challenging I think :p
BEST NEWS EVER!
Surgery confirmation letter arrived. Will happen sometime in the next few months!
Today I could bounce off a few walls lol
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 15, 2018, 10:04:05 PM
BEST NEWS EVER!
Surgery confirmation letter arrived. Will happen sometime in the next few months!
Today I could bounce off a few walls lol
Wow Kelly,
That is huge news ! May I ask which surgeon you chose?
Yours truly, Kirsten.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 15, 2018, 12:50:35 PM
Well my Mother in Law who I wasn't allowed to tell has figured it out and seems quite accepting. Father in law is yet to be told but I suspect the opposite reaction.
@krobinson103 Good news about your Mother-in-law.... and I am wishing you well with coming-out to your Father-in-law.... you do know that she can be a big influence on him so perhaps it will go better than you may think...
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 15, 2018, 10:04:05 PM
BEST NEWS EVER!
Surgery confirmation letter arrived. Will happen sometime in the next few months!
Today I could bounce off a few walls lol
Wow, congratulations!!
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 15, 2018, 10:04:05 PM
BEST NEWS EVER!
Surgery confirmation letter arrived. Will happen sometime in the next few months!
Today I could bounce off a few walls lol
@krobinson103 Great news for sure. Just as soon as you have the proposed date please let us all know so that we can "count-down" the days with you.
A time of celebration for sure.
Thank you for keeping us updated.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 15, 2018, 10:04:05 PM
BEST NEWS EVER!
Surgery confirmation letter arrived. Will happen sometime in the next few months!
Today I could bounce off a few walls lol
@krobinson103
Hey Kelly - wow you must be super excited
congratulations!!If you're keen on sharing let us know the date so we can all be thinking of you.
Take care,
Sonja.
Date yet to be announced just within four months...
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 17, 2018, 12:58:15 AM
Date yet to be announced just within four months...
@krobinson103 Just as you undoubtedly are doing, we are waiting very impatiently... ???
... we all want to count-down the days with you. :)
Hugs,
Danielle
I am waiting impatiently indeed!
Well, ready for an update on the dating soap Opera?
Mack (my gentleman caller) had to cancel the date on Thursday due to some issues at work. BUT he texted then called (when i invited him to) very late last night wanting to take a midnight walk on the beach. I naturally declined as it didn't seem super safe but invited him to come up with a time during daylight hours. When he called seemed earnest and very nervous! (me making men nervous lol!) He complimented me on my voice calling me an Angel lol (nice lad... I don't think he knows me very well!)
I tried out ok cupid (dating app) which seems less of a meat market than Badoo and found a nice seeming women to chat to. So we chatted for a while and decided to meet up at a local indian place for a chat and some dinner next Tuesday after work. :)
BUT wait, there's more! I met up with Hazel for a movie night on Friday night and we enjoyed ourselves as usual. I don't think that one goes beyond just enjoying each others company in a platonic way but we both feel very comfortable so it makes for a nice interlude.
I also competed the carpeting and set up of the garage (except for a new bed) making a space for me to sleep and call my own. :)
So... updates coming when something else comes up...
@krobinson103 I love to read that you are socializing and considering all kinds of relationships as "the new you" .... friends, suitors, men and women .... it can be very exciting for sure but I am so glad that you are being so careful too... especially refusing to do the late night walk on the beach with someone you barely know... please continue being a smart and careful girl!!! All of this is certainly very exciting exploring your new emotions and new body... but it can be quite frightening also...
Interesting about your she-shed preparations... when you get it all set up please post some photos if you feel so led....
Thank you for your continued updates... please keep them coming when possible.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/7Y7hi6
She cave done
Call up the company that installed the garage door and ask them about insulated panels for your door. They can be installed in a few minutes and it cost much less than installing a new door. My garage opens on the south end of the house and the garage would get oven hot in the middle of the summer. The insert panels made a big difference in the heat buildup during the summer. If I ever replace it, I will get a factory insulated one but for now the inserts work fine.
Quote from: Dena on November 18, 2018, 01:30:55 AM
Call up the company that installed the garage door and ask them about insulated panels for your door. They can be installed in a few minutes and it cost much less than installing a new door. My garage opens on the south end of the house and the garage would get oven hot in the middle of the summer. The insert panels made a big difference in the heat buildup during the summer. If I ever replace it, I will get a factory insulated one but for now the inserts work fine.
Hi Kelly,
Dena is totally correct, I work in an outside timber office which has a corrugated steel roof and was uninsulated and the first summer I was like woah - where is all that heat coming from?? stood on a chair and put my hand on the white lining and yeah - there was so much heat coming off it - it made me feel ill trying to work in there so I went out next day and bought insulation and after that - perfect.
Take care,
Sonja.
Ok that was a successful date. She seems quite compatible and we talked for about 2 hours. Energy felt about right so a second date this time to the movies next Saturday. :)
krobinson103, what is the size of your new place, looks large for starting out as a garage?
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 18, 2018, 12:44:18 AM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/7Y7hi6
She cave done
@krobinson103Looks nice and roomy for sure and you have the important stuff in there... a computer, and your bed...!!!!
But where is a big refrigerator, and a microwave or hotplate?
I am sure that your young daughter will want to come visit your she-cave for overnight stays with you... it appears that she has already found the bed and looks quite comfortable there.!!!
Thanks for sharing,
Danielle
krobinson103, what is the size of your new place, looks large for starting out as a garage
6m by 6m
New photo
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3p1TdF
Went to the Doctors and got some pain killers that actually deal to breast pain, but do upset the stomach a little. Oh well at least I can function till orchie when hopefully no blockers means less pain.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 22, 2018, 12:38:27 PM
krobinson103, what is the size of your new place, looks large for starting out as a garage
6m by 6m
New photo
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3p1TdF
Went to the Doctors and got some pain killers that actually deal to breast pain, but do upset the stomach a little. Oh well at least I can function till orchie when hopefully no blockers means less pain.
@krobinson103 I am so very sorry to hear of your breast pain issues... and yes, if I take some types of pain relievers I have to take them with a meal or some food... by themselves on and empty stomach is most upsetting to say the least.
I absolutely love your new and beautiful Avatar/Profile photo. I love your hair... you do know that blondes have more fun don't you??? I can testify to that... I am almost always having lots of fun with my good friends and my acquaintances.
Thanks for posting and sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 22, 2018, 12:38:27 PM
krobinson103, what is the size of your new place, looks large for starting out as a garage
6m by 6m
New photo
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3p1TdF
Went to the Doctors and got some pain killers that actually deal to breast pain, but do upset the stomach a little. Oh well at least I can function till orchie when hopefully no blockers means less pain.
Kelly,
I hope you will feel better.
Chrissy
@krobinson103
Hey Kelly,
That red top looks good on you, goes well with your hair colour - great photo!
I take it panadol and ibuprofen didn't work? Hope the pain goes down
Take care,
Sonja
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 22, 2018, 02:57:24 PM
@krobinson103
I am so very sorry to hear of your breast pain issues... and yes, if I take some types of pain relievers I have to take them with a meal or some food... by themselves on and empty stomach is most upsetting to say the least.
I absolutely love your new and beautiful Avatar/Profile photo. I love your hair... you do know that blondes have more fun don't you??? I can testify to that... I am almost always having lots of fun with my good friends and my acquaintances.
Thanks for posting and sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
Oh this blonde is having lots of fun... :) Still want to get it a few shades lighter yet I think two more cycles should bring it to the colour I want.
Quote from: Sonja on November 22, 2018, 03:26:15 PM
@krobinson103
Hey Kelly,
That red top looks good on you, goes well with your hair colour - great photo!
I take it panadol and ibuprofen didn't work? Hope the pain goes down
Take care,
Sonja
Over the counter pain killers might as well be candy to this pain.
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on November 22, 2018, 03:01:35 PM
Kelly,
I hope you will feel better.
Chrissy
Thanks! The new meds seem to be doing the trick. At least I can think again.
Well... I thought I was going crazy but I don't think I am.
After Wednesdays nasty pain episode I did some thinking. Really sore breasts, absolutely rotten mood, no energy very pms like. I checked out the moon phase... full. I thought about last month around the same time, same issue. I'm going to check but I bet around the 22nd of December the same thing will happen. I checked the web, lots of trans women get pms like symptoms monthly.
I don't think I'm going crazy I think you can have period like symptoms as a trans woman. Going to gather some data over the next six months noting daily severity of breast pain, energy, and mood. I think I'll see a definite cycle.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 23, 2018, 08:39:24 PM
Well... I thought I was going crazy but I don't think I am.
After Wednesdays nasty pain episode I did some thinking. Really sore breasts, absolutely rotten mood, no energy very pms like. I checked out the moon phase... full. I thought about last month around the same time, same issue. I'm going to check but I bet around the 22nd of December the same thing will happen. I checked the web, lots of trans women get pms like symptoms monthly.
I don't think I'm going crazy I think you can have period like symptoms as a trans woman. Going to gather some data over the next six months noting daily severity of breast pain, energy, and mood. I think I'll see a definite cycle.
That is a most interesting revelation Kelly. I wonder if your cycle pattern will continue.
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 23, 2018, 08:39:24 PM
Well... I thought I was going crazy but I don't think I am.
After Wednesdays nasty pain episode I did some thinking. Really sore breasts, absolutely rotten mood, no energy very pms like. I checked out the moon phase... full. I thought about last month around the same time, same issue. I'm going to check but I bet around the 22nd of December the same thing will happen. I checked the web, lots of trans women get pms like symptoms monthly.
I don't think I'm going crazy I think you can have period like symptoms as a trans woman. Going to gather some data over the next six months noting daily severity of breast pain, energy, and mood. I think I'll see a definite cycle.
@krobinson103I for one do not think you are "going crazy" ... these kinds of "monthly" events for tran-women are certainly not unheard of....
I am thinking it may be clear signal that you are "arriving" :)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle
Women who live in close quarters can have their periods sync up. It's most likely a pheromone thing so if you are around a female, it's possible your syncing up with somebody. If your by yourself, it's possible you have your own cycle so determining the length of day between cycle would be the most reliable way to judge this.
Quote from: Dena on November 23, 2018, 09:07:05 PM
Women who live in close quarters can have their periods sync up. It's most likely a pheromone thing so if you are around a female, it's possible your syncing up with somebody. If your by yourself, it's possible you have your own cycle so determining the length of day between cycle would be the most reliable way to judge this.
Interesting observation my daughter was bleeding a few days ago... hmmm. Entirely possible.
Like the sands of the hourglass...
Well things go well. Communication between Aliica and myself continue and all signs look positive. Neither of us are in a hurry but today I mentioned that while I wasn't in a hurry I certainly didn't want her to get away either. She was receptive. So its movies next saturday night and date number three is likely to be a day cycle trip. :) I stand cautiously optimistic.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 23, 2018, 11:45:04 PM
Like the sands of the hourglass...
Well things go well. Communication between Aliica and myself continue and all signs look positive. Neither of us are in a hurry but today I mentioned that while I wasn't in a hurry I certainly didn't want her to get away either. She was receptive. So its movies next saturday night and date number three is likely to be a day cycle trip. :) I stand cautiously optimistic.
@krobinson103 Well now, this is certainly exciting for you and exciting for your follower to tune-in on your romantic adventure.
Yes, indeed... right now with all of your new emotions and body changes... it is best to not be in a hurry and to enjoy the romance slowly... just my opinion based on my own experiences.
Wishing you well
Hugs
Dainielle
Krobinson103
I look forward to watching you on your journey. I love what you have done to make a special place just for you. The she shed looks great.
Jenny
Well.. date number 2 is setup and... its open ended so I have no idea as to how it ends. :)
Date number three will be to our trans xmas party the weekend after. :)
Things go well!
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 26, 2018, 02:35:41 AM
Well.. date number 2 is setup and... its open ended so I have no idea as to how it ends. :)
Date number three will be to our trans xmas party the weekend after. :)
Things go well!
Sounds good Kelly!
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 26, 2018, 02:35:41 AM
Well.. date number 2 is setup and... its open ended so I have no idea as to how it ends. :)
Date number three will be to our trans xmas party the weekend after. :)
Things go well!
@krobinson103 Wow-zers... advance planning of dates, this all sounds quite serious to me.
Wishing you well... and remember, if you can't be good, at least be very careful!!! LOL ;)
Thanks for keeping us all updated,
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 26, 2018, 05:55:06 PM
@krobinson103
Wow-zers... advance planning of dates, this all sounds quite serious to me.
Wishing you well... and remember, if you can't be good, at least be very careful!!! LOL ;)
Thanks for keeping us all updated,
Hugs,
Danielle
This one is different I think. She is a good match... cautiously optimistic.
Well today there zero breast pain, and I'm completely stable emotionally which is a massive difference to this time last week. Go figure. I shall wait and see what happens in 3 weeks time.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 26, 2018, 11:13:48 PM
Well today there zero breast pain, and I'm completely stable emotionally which is a massive difference to this time last week. Go figure. I shall wait and see what happens in 3 weeks time.
@krobinson103 I will be looking for your update report about this monthly phenomena the week before Christmas.
It will be interesting for sure. I know that I have heard this sort of thing about transwomen, but not real often.
Do consider however that the mind is a powerful thing, it one thinks something will happen they might discover that it will.
Hugs,
Danielle
Sore today. Needed pain killers. I'm finally happy with the colour of hair now at least.:)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/34T32V
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 27, 2018, 12:45:02 PM
Sore today. Needed pain killers. I'm finally happy with the colour of hair now at least.:)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/34T32V
@krobinson103 So sorry to hear about your continued breast pain... thankfully there are pain killers that work for you but it is obviously best to get off the the pain meds as soon as you can.
Your natural hair and new color look terrific, but of course I am very partial to blonde hair. Fortunately, blonde hair is my natural hair color but as I have been getting older, some gray hairs are starting to pop in so I do visit the hair salon every other month or so to get my blonde color touched up.
By the way, your eyebrows are looking great... do you shape them yourself or did you get some help right at first...
Thanks for sharing your latest photo... you look great!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 27, 2018, 01:05:24 PM
@krobinson103
So sorry to hear about your continued breast pain... thankfully there are pain killers that work for you but it is obviously best to get off the the pain meds as soon as you can.
Your natural hair and new color look terrific, but of course I am very partial to blonde hair. Fortunately, blonde hair is my natural hair color but as I have been getting older, some gray hairs are starting to pop in so I do visit the hair salon every other month or so to get my blonde color touched up.
By the way, your eyebrows are looking great... do you shape them yourself or did you get some help right at first...
Thanks for sharing your latest photo... you look great!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Thanks. The eyebrows are just what I came up with. Careful shaving and patience. My natural hair is 40% grey now so I dye every 5 weeks or so each time going for a lighter shade. :)
Minimal pain today maybe 2/10 when I got up in the morning. Took a pain pill anyway because as I move around during the day its sure to get to a 4 or 5. I think the evening primrose oil and iodine supplements are helping.
Couldn't sleep very well last night too much pain. Maybe 4/10. Took a pill this morning and feel pretty good.
Quote from: krobinson103 on November 29, 2018, 12:30:34 PM
Couldn't sleep very well last night too much pain. Maybe 4/10. Took a pill this morning and feel pretty good.
@krobinson103 I am a little more than concerned for you regarding your continued and sometimes serious breast pain that you have been reporting lately.
What does your doctor say about it?
I sincerely hope that all of the pain will pass and be gone soon.
Hugs,Daneille
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 29, 2018, 01:04:53 PM
@krobinson103
I am a little more than concerned for you regarding your continued and sometimes serious breast pain that you have been reporting lately.
What does your doctor say about it?
I sincerely hope that all of the pain will pass and be gone soon.
Hugs,
Daneille
transition related second puberty pains. I just happened to land a painful one. Should be a little better after orchie and less drugs in the system. Been a year now and as t is reduced to female norms by the implant the pain just gets worse. I suspect as long as there is breast growth it will hurt.
Today three colleagues said something that me pause and take stock. One, a mentor of sorts said he didn't understand my choices re transition as he is quite religious but respected them and that as a person and a professional I had what he called 'grit'. The ability to always do more regardless to meet expectations and overcome obstacles. He said this is a rare thing. I'm not sure it is, and feel that anyone who wants something badly enough will do what it takes to make it happen - and that's all I am doing.
Two women I work with said something else. They said they admired me for being just who I am regardless of the consequences and potential stigma or consequences. Again, apparently this not common, and again I struggle to understand why. The only way to truly engage with other people is to first be true to yourself and accept who you are with no doubt or fear. To me this truth is self evident! I don't see it as adttirable just necessary.
Many have said I am brave. But again what is a life lived with your true self in shadow? Surely again this not bravery but necessity?
Yes... my thoughts weigh heavy this night mainly because I can't sleep! Pain keeps me awake (note for diary 5/10 tonight). Also in about 14 hours I leave for my date! Exciting stuff and its keeping me awake.
Last nights date...
As usual we chose a movie that I would rate 5/10 at best! However we went to a burger place after, and then being in a small town where night life is a foreign word, drove back to her place and sat in the car for an hour or two talking. (Her house was a mess and she didn't want anyone to see it lol)
I was right, chemistry is definitely there, intellectually we fit and her interests gel with mine. She is easy to talk to and she understands my situation and current domestic arrangements. I can see that under her understandable caution there is a a fun and caring person. Last night we talked out some important baselines and both decided that while more time is needed, continuing to date each other is a good idea. In some ways her thought processes are remarkably similar to mine :)
So, xmas party next Saturday with my local transgender group. Once again, patience is key to the whole thing...
Hmm no pain to speak of today which is good. I went to the pool with my daughter as usual and I realized four things:
1) Women come in many shapes and sizes and I don't look too bad in a swim suit
2) I don't feel self conscious at at all.
3) No one even notices a slight bulge or if they do they don't care.
4) My daughter can call me 'daddy' all she likes and you know what? It doesn't matter cause I am.
I like my skin and feel comfortable in it.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 01, 2018, 05:33:31 PM
Hmm no pain to speak of today which is good. I went to the pool with my daughter as usual and I realized four things:
1) Women come in many shapes and sizes and I don't look too bad in a swim suit
2) I don't feel self conscious at at all.
3) No one even notices a slight bulge or if they do they don't care.
4) My daughter can call me 'daddy' all she likes and you know what? It doesn't matter cause I am.
I like my skin and feel comfortable in it.
@krobinson103 Kudos to you for your positive and confident attitude regarding your body... and your terrific emotional approach to your transition journey.
You are right about being at the swimming pool and finding all shapes, sizes, and appearances in their swim suits.... you have nothing to be self-conscious about for sure.
It was nice to read your recap of your date... and that you both had similar interests and life stories. Yes indeed, patience is a virtue.
Thank you for keeping us updated...
Hugs,
Danielle
last couple of days I've been experimenting with diet a bit.
I noticed that if I eat meat in particular I get worse breast pain so I figured since Alicia is Vegan I'd try some of what she eats for a few days. So last night it was all vegetarian and the same this morning. I noticed that today I have zero breast pain. This correlates with observations earlier that 2-3 hours after eating chicken etc I always got worse breast pain. I did some research and there is some real science out there that correlates to this.
To this end I'm going to eat no meat or dairy for the next two weeks and see if it is indeed a factor. Being pain free is nice.
A good day. Feeling positive this morning. No pain to speak of and my weight is at a record low for the last 4 months. :) Life goes well, and... only two weeks till school is finished for the year! Its been a long and complex year and I look forward to some downtime.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 02, 2018, 12:46:24 PM
A good day. Feeling positive this morning. No pain to speak of and my weight is at a record low for the last 4 months. :) Life goes well, and... only two weeks till school is finished for the year! Its been a long and complex year and I look forward to some downtime.
Kelly,
Way to go! Super! I am glad you are upbeat!
Breaks are good for rest and relaxation.
Chrissy
Wow. I had a good chat with last weeks date yesterday about a lot of things. I knew we were compatible when I met her but just how compatible? There are so many things we have in common. :) She also returns the interest. I upgrade my "I have a good feeling about this" to "I have a very good feeling about this."
Day three of the great experiment zero breast pain.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 03, 2018, 09:58:04 AM
Wow. I had a good chat with last weeks date yesterday about a lot of things. I knew we were compatible when I met her but just how compatible? There are so many things we have in common. :) She also returns the interest. I upgrade my "I have a good feeling about this" to "I have a very good feeling about this."
Day three of the great experiment zero breast pain.
Wow. Sounds like a very good day indeed Kelly!
Chrissy
After struggling for over a year to secure my upgrade to full teacher registration... the decision was made to today to sign off on it. That means despite transitioning on the job and all that entails...
I DID IT
Yay!
Congrats Kelly! Sounds like a celebration is in order.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 03, 2018, 09:31:18 PM
After struggling for over a year to secure my upgrade to full teacher registration... the decision was made to today to sign off on it. That means despite transitioning on the job and all that entails...
I DID IT
Yay!
That is wonderful! Yay!
Chrissy
Despite slapping a new patch on yesterday there is still no breast pain. I'm almost 100% sure I'm onto something here in terms of diet. :) Onto other fronts I had a painful chat with Linda (long distance gf) because I need to clear the table for Alicia (currently dating). Also as of last night we are now not just having a 'date' but officially 'dating' yay. Son Hee (mother of children) is accepting and is seeing a range of other people as well so domestically things are quite settled. Alicia is also aware of this arrangement and accepts it. Everything is falling into place right at the moment.
I asked her yesterday if, when meeting me she could have picked that I was trans and she said she never would have guessed. I spose this means I made it. This begs the question...
Things are going so well, what comes next? I can't wait to find out!
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 03, 2018, 09:31:18 PM
After struggling for over a year to secure my upgrade to full teacher registration... the decision was made to today to sign off on it. That means despite transitioning on the job and all that entails...
I DID IT
Yay!
@krobinson103
Hey Kelly,
That is great news Congratulations! What a busy year you've had!
Take care,
Sonja.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 04, 2018, 11:07:36 AM
Despite slapping a new patch on yesterday there is still no breast pain. I'm almost 100% sure I'm onto something here in terms of diet. :) Onto other fronts I had a painful chat with Linda (long distance gf) because I need to clear the table for Alicia (currently dating). Also as of last night we are now not just having a 'date' but officially 'dating' yay. Son Hee (mother of children) is accepting and is seeing a range of other people as well so domestically things are quite settled. Alicia is also aware of this arrangement and accepts it. Everything is falling into place right at the moment.
I asked her yesterday if, when meeting me she could have picked that I was trans and she said she never would have guessed. I spose this means I made it. This begs the question...
Things are going so well, what comes next? I can't wait to find out!
@krobinson103
Thanks for sharing your most interesting and affirming news!!!
Yep, I also "suppose this means that you made it."
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
I had a meeting with my mentor at school yesterday. The sign off process will proceed but I'm still working in a conservative field. I also resigned from my union rep position as I feel its taking more energy than I can spare at the moment. My feeling is that the old guard will never really be accepting, exemplified but the principal misgendering me in an email to all staff... grumpy!
On matters of diet and pain... no pain and down to 98.3kg this morning yay!
On matters of the heart... well, that's just getting better by the day. Its officially we are 'dating' rather than testing the waters, and, compatibility factors are surprisingly high! What I find is that is its really liberating to have someone who accepts me for me without bringing in all the baggage from the past, yet accepts that the children are a high priority. A remarkable women not going to let her get away easily. :)
No breast pain (well the normal deep ache but that's growing pain). Weight down to 98.2kg this morning and I feel great. Nervous... big date planned for tomorrow! Also I have my HRT review appointment on Monday. Time for another big hole in me from implant, BUT this will be the LAST ONE! Yay!
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 06, 2018, 11:15:04 AM
No breast pain (well the normal deep ache but that's growing pain). Weight down to 98.2kg this morning and I feel great. Nervous... big date planned for tomorrow! Also I have my HRT review appointment on Monday. Time for another big hole in me from implant, BUT this will be the LAST ONE! Yay!
@krobinson103 That is such good news regarding your breast growing pains.... I had always liked feeling that kind of pain in my breasts.... "no pain, no gain" as they say.
Your weight keeps going down... if this keeps up you will have to replace all of your clothes with smaller sizes... and a very nice "problem" to have for sure!!!
I am wishing you well with your HRT review on Monday, I trust that you will hear all good news and of course an update on your thread would be appreciated by your followers.
Ahhhhh, a
big date tomorrow... if you feel so led, please tell us
more !!!!
Thank you for continuing to share your life goings-on.....
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 06, 2018, 11:37:04 AM
@krobinson103
That is such good news regarding your breast growing pains.... I had always liked feeling that kind of pain in my breasts.... "no pain, no gain" as they say.
Your weight keeps going down... if this keeps up you will have to replace all of your clothes with smaller sizes... and a very nice "problem" to have for sure!!!
I am wishing you well with your HRT review on Monday, I trust that you will hear all good news and of course an update on your thread would be appreciated by your followers.
Ahhhhh, a big date tomorrow... if you feel so led, please tell us more !!!!
Thank you for continuing to share your life goings-on.....
Hugs,
Danielle
I've been dating quite a few people lately but this one, She is different. We are compatible on so many levels, She can accept me as me, and, just today we decided to 'go steady' in old parlance. I think She has very good potential to be a long term partner and she expresses the same to me. I haven't felt this since I met my wife 15 years ago and I married her. Would have stayed with her as well if but sadly life had other ideas. :) Its time to move on.
Well...
Totally AMAZING date and and I learned something. All my previous equipment works just fine, with some nice extras to play with as well. Just needed the right encouragement. I also learned that thanks to hrt I have a virtually unlimited libido.
A truely, truely awesome day!
Still no trace of pain and its been over a week. Diet is the key factor to being painless. I also dropped 3kg so far. Alicia and I are both in agreement that we want to make what is happening work long term so things look good on that front. A week to go of school then I have six weeks 'holiday'. Son Hee is leaving for Korea for a month so I have the kids over xmas and new year. Need to plan out next years program at some point in that time but right now its get through to the end of the year.
Given last nights events I've come to the conclusion that for now, orchie will be enough. When you have a partner who accepts and enjoys the fact you have physical aspects of both genders it gets... fun. I also discovered that I don't really hate all my bits down there, just my testicles.
Update of the day...
Teacher license upgrade paperwork is sent out. One of my big concerns was not being able to do that and its now acheived. Yay!
Confirmed that food is indeed the main source of breast pain yesterday by having some dairy (small amount) - pain! Then later that chicken - lots more pain! So Vegan it is cause I like not being in pain.
Things go well on all other fronts, except with recent developments of a serious girl friend the kids are struggling with trans, lesbian Dad. I think its just a matter of time however to let them see that's the way it is and they will process it in their own ways.
Today is... A TOTALLY AWESOME DAY
Spent the day with Alicia and my youngest giving them a chance to get to know each other, and for Victoria (my seven year old daughter) to see us together. With my kids mother away for a month (we are shot of each other in all respects except kids and this house) the stage is clear to show the girls its a good move.
The upshot is that Victoria sees Alicia as a good person who makes dad happy. Christine (eldest daughter) is beginning to buy in.. and I have THREE WHOLE DAYS of no kids no kids mother, and Alicia... yay! We are really well matched in so many ways.
I love how life is going
This week has been an amazing week! I have confirmation that my teachers registration is upgraded, I have ensured that there are no barriers no to surgery, and I have found love. I was unsure at first, but we are both so compatible and have the same thing in mind. We both see a future together once we have sorted to out a few things.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 17, 2018, 08:07:10 PM
This week has been an amazing week! I have confirmation that my teachers registration is upgraded, I have ensured that there are no barriers no to surgery, and I have found love. I was unsure at first, but we are both so compatible and have the same thing in mind. We both see a future together once we have sorted to out a few things.
@krobinson103 Wow, I am so very happy for you on several fronts...
Your upgraded teachers registration
No barriers to your surgery
...and last but not least
You found LOVE [emoji173]
Thank you for posting your good news update... always a treat to read.
Hugs,
Danielle
Well we reach the end of another week and another round of fairly large changes set in motion.
I've decided to move out of this house after I recover from my surgery in March
I'll find a flatting (room mates) situation until my girl friend and I feel comfortable to live together.
I'm going to leave the house with my children's mother and we both take our share when we sell.
I'll support her until we can figure out a better solution - there are a few options to explore.
The kids are beginning to process this information.
My gf is onboard with the plan and supportive.
And as an aside when I went to get my seven year olds ears pierced they called me her mom! Yay!
@krobinson103Well, your report was a combination of the sad, good, and happy moments.
It is always sad for me to hear of marriages that dissolve... certainly I am sad and it is not a good moment for anyone.
Your plans to move out and to and find a new place to live with some room mates is not always a pleasant decision but in your case, if you feel that is what you have to do, then I will be glad for you and consider this a good thing..
Regarding having your daughter's ears pierced and your being called her mom.... WOW, such happy and wonderful happening ... and so affirming and confidence building for you... I am very happy to read this.
Thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts with all of us. I am wishing you nothing but happiness and success.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle Quote from: krobinson103 on December 20, 2018, 06:54:26 PM
Well we reach the end of another week and another round of fairly large changes set in motion.
I've decided to move out of this house after I recover from my surgery in March
I'll find a flatting (room mates) situation until my girl friend and I feel comfortable to live together.
I'm going to leave the house with my children's mother and we both take our share when we sell.
I'll support her until we can figure out a better solution - there are a few options to explore.
The kids are beginning to process this information.
My gf is onboard with the plan and supportive.
And as an aside when I went to get my seven year olds ears pierced they called me her mom! Yay!
After lots of reflecting and a bit over a year on the rollercoaster that is transition I've come to a decision.
Now that I've found a partner who can accept (and welcomes) me as I am with elements of both female and male I've decided that after orchiodectomy I'm going to call transition done. There are a number of reasons;
1) I discovered that transition was never about moving to a gender, but discovering me.
2) I really don't mind having a penis - its rather useful at times! (and still works enough to be so)
3) Once my testicles are gone I have no bridge back and the remaining dysphoria will be gone
4) I really like being in my skin... it fits me and feels right.
So I figure srs is a step too far and I'm quite happy to me... just the way I am and I suppose somewhere in the middle towards the female side of the spectrum. In addition I don't care, never have cared, and never will care what strangers see or don't see. I get gendered female 95% of the time and I suppose I could bring that number up if I cared to try but I feel happy just the way I am.
So... once orchiodectomy is done is 2-3 months time I'm getting off this train and getting on with life. :) So much hope and possibility up ahead I can't help but be sure the next 40 are going to be great.
Hi Kelly, you sound happy and at peace with your decision. That's great!
Reading your post helps make an awesome day.
Probably because right now, I feel like I am on a similar path and can relate.
~Dee.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 21, 2018, 12:10:19 AM
After lots of reflecting and a bit over a year on the rollercoaster that is transition I've come to a decision.
Now that I've found a partner who can accept (and welcomes) me as I am with elements of both female and male I've decided that after orchiodectomy I'm going to call transition done. There are a number of reasons;
1) I discovered that transition was never about moving to a gender, but discovering me.
2) I really don't mind having a penis - its rather useful at times! (and still works enough to be so)
3) Once my testicles are gone I have no bridge back and the remaining dysphoria will be gone
4) I really like being in my skin... it fits me and feels right.
So I figure srs is a step too far and I'm quite happy to me... just the way I am and I suppose somewhere in the middle towards the female side of the spectrum. In addition I don't care, never have cared, and never will care what strangers see or don't see. I get gendered female 95% of the time and I suppose I could bring that number up if I cared to try but I feel happy just the way I am.
So... once orchiodectomy is done is 2-3 months time I'm getting off this train and getting on with life. :) So much hope and possibility up ahead I can't help but be sure the next 40 are going to be great.
I've been missing your posts for a while now. But I'm glad to say I can completely relate!! I'm still undecided about srs, but I really do feel like transitioning is helping me to accept who I am. While it would be nice to pass in some aspects, I think finally doing the things I've always thought about in my head is life saving. I don't feel as much of a freak as I used to. Where are you from by the way? I don't think you're anywhere near nyc are you?
Quote from: Allison S on December 21, 2018, 08:45:26 AM
I've been missing your posts for a while now. But I'm glad to say I can completely relate!! I'm still undecided about srs, but I really do feel like transitioning is helping me to accept who I am. While it would be nice to pass in some aspects, I think finally doing the things I've always thought about in my head is life saving. I don't feel as much of a freak as I used to. Where are you from by the way? I don't think you're anywhere near nyc are you?
New Zealand. About as far from NYC as you can get.
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 21, 2018, 12:23:00 PM
New Zealand. About as far from NYC as you can get.
Lol ok. I thought you were in the US at least!
Quote from: Allison S on December 21, 2018, 01:34:07 PM
Lol ok. I thought you were in the US at least!
Where is the US?
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on December 21, 2018, 07:48:09 PM
Where is the US?
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
@Kirsteneklund7 This time of year when our friends down under are having warm summer days....
....here in the
US in the Northern Hemisphere we are having stormy, cold, icy, and snowy winter weather. Today is officially the start of winter... the winter solstice
and the shortest day of the year.
11:15 AM Sunrise Morning
2:10 PM Sunset Afternoon
The temperature today here where I live got down to -22 deg F (-30C) Burrrrrrrr !
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 21, 2018, 08:36:46 PM
@Kirsteneklund7
This time of year when our friends down under are having warm summer days....
....here in the US in the Northern Hemisphere we are having stormy, cold, icy, and snowy winter weather. Today is officially the start of winter... the winter solstice
and the shortest day of the year.
11:15 AM Sunrise Morning
2:10 PM Sunset Afternoon
The temperature today here where I live got down to -22 deg F (-30C) Burrrrrrrr !
Danielle
Stop making me jealous Danielle! Today was 95 degrees and 80% humidity.
Yours truly, Kirsten.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on December 22, 2018, 05:18:14 AM
Stop making me jealous Danielle! Today was 95 degrees and 80% humidity.
Yours truly, Kirsten.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Rain and 18 degrees celcius. My grass is growing like crazy...
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 24, 2018, 01:37:38 AM
Rain and 18 degrees celcius. My grass is growing like crazy...
I want to be in NZ for summer!
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/C054M9
A fun day out...
Quote from: krobinson103 on December 26, 2018, 01:33:22 AM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/C054M9
A fun day out...
Love seeing life is good for you guys!
Kindest regards, Kirsten.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
This Christmas has made somethings very clear.
My extended family has no idea how to deal with the large changes that have happened this year. They try to be accepting but I'm not the same person they knew and since some haven't seen me since last year it was very difficult. In addition my girls are starting to accept now that 'Dad' doesn't really match anymore. My 12 year old just withdrew and said She wished She had a 'normal' family. My youngest can't decide if I'm Dad, Dama, or Mum! I'm pleased the weather has been bad and we had to cancel our trip for family xmas because I really can't face the relatives trying to process things right now.
The children's mother says she accepts me but I know she does not. We will be living separately as soon as surgery is done and out of the way so I don't have to worry about the politics of kids and kids mum and girlfriend all getting mixed up.
Alicia (my girlfriend) has become very important in the last month. I keep trying to keep it all in perspective but I've never felt so strongly about anyone - ever. That includes my children's mother. She is just an almost perfect match and I have a very good feeling about where it is all going. My youngest accepts her, my eldest is less than accepting. 2019 will the year I sort out the financial and living arrangements for the next 5-10 years I suspect. Once that and my orchiodectomy are done I'm free to live the life I should have while meeting my responsibilities from the past.
2018 was a year with many challenge, changes, and triumphs. 2019 is a new beginning... I look forward to it.
Your daughter looks happy to be with you in the picture, how nice for both of you.
Today I did something that will have long range consequences but was necessary. My kids mother has been away for 2 weeks and will be away for another four weeks. This means I have to watch the kids on my own, and never get any time to be away from them. My youngest has accepted that my gf is welcome at MY (yes its joint property and my name is on the deed) property. My eldest is having more issues but I quite simply need Alicia - and she will be around for many years to come so Christine has to get used to the idea. She can, and will, but is as stubborn as I was at her age.
Recently she has been trying to involve others (my ex wife whose opinion I honestly couldn't care less about), My Father and sister to try and put barriers in my way. The first time I let my father have a say. This time I've told them to mind their own business and not get involved with affairs that I need to resolve. This probably means estrangement from them, but, since Dad doesn't accept me as I am and my sister and I aren't close I can accept this.
As mentioned in previous entries as soon as I am able I'm leaving this house, arranging a shared custody agreement and getting away from the stifling expectations of people who have no idea of what it was like to live in the prison of the wrong body for 43 years. Its sad that this step was necessary but I am sick of people expecting me to be someone I'm not.
Life starts fresh and I'll support my kids... but if my family can't accept me as I am, they can simply have nothing to do with me.
Wow. I'm lucky enough to be supported by most of my family members. The others whom have a harder time accepting me being transgender are at least respectful enough to not cause any issues about it, and love me regardless. If you feel you need to be out of that environment, and on your own where you can be yourself freely without having to deal with everyone else's opinions of you, then do what you need to do. You never know if it's right for you until you try, and you may very well appreciate that independence, and freedom you get when you're on your own.
@krobinson103
It was wonderful for me to meet you on the Forums this past year...
I have so much enjoyed your updates as you continue on in your journey.
Thank you for feeling free to share your exciting life events with all of us.
I have very much enjoyed swapping comments and thoughts with you on your thread.
Obviously some bumps in the road that all of us experience so continue to hang on for an exciting ride.
I am so very happy that I found you and your thread on the Forums this last year and I will be eagerly following your upcoming reports and updates in the New Year in 2019.
Wishing you a very
HAPPY NEW YEAR in 2019...
Hugs and as always, well wishes.
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 31, 2018, 04:19:53 PM
@krobinson103
It was wonderful for me to meet you on the Forums this past year...
I have so much enjoyed your updates as you continue on in your journey.
Thank you for feeling free to share your exciting life events with all of us.
I have very much enjoyed swapping comments and thoughts with you on your thread.
Obviously some bumps in the road that all of us experience so continue to hang on for an exciting ride.
I am so very happy that I found you and your thread on the Forums this last year and I will be eagerly following your upcoming reports and updates in the New Year in 2019.
Wishing you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR in 2019...
Hugs and as always, well wishes.
Danielle
Thank you for reading them. This thread started more as a way to record where I'd been in order to help me organize my thoughts. If its interesting or helpful to others thats a bonus. Happy new year to you as well, I'm sure your journey will take you to new and interesting places.
I celebrated new year with Alicia (my gf) and my children. We had a nice dinner, and on new years day (today) went on a picnic to a nearby lighthouse and lookout. We started 2019 as I intend it to go on... with positive uplifting experiences, good company, and hope. I know that this coming year will be one of new challenges, some of which will change some of the fundamental underpinnings of my children's lives. I also know that for all the pain it may cause now the outcome later will be worth it.
2019 will be the year I finally let go of the mental baggage, the excess (and unwanted) anatomy, and be the person I know I can be.
Happy New Year!!!
Feeling rather emotionally overloaded today. Not sure exactly why. Breast pain returned a little this week but thats likely due to be being lazy with diet. I met a work colleague at the supermarket today and he didn't recognize me.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/U61794
To be honest I wouldn't recognize me either as compared to a year ago...
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 03, 2019, 08:32:41 PM
Feeling rather emotionally overloaded today. Not sure exactly why. Breast pain returned a little this week but thats likely due to be being lazy with diet. I met a work colleague at the supermarket today and he didn't recognize me.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/U61794
To be honest I wouldn't recognize me either as compared to a year ago...
@krobinson103 So sorry to hear of your emotional overload today... you can blame it on the hormones!!!
When good friends and colleagues don't recognize the "new you" consider that very good affirmation of your transition success to date.
I spent the week back at my home town visiting my parents and extended family and old friends for the first time in 2 years. . I have details on my thread. There were a number of extended family members and some old personal friends that did not recognize me when I walked into the room. That felt quite good for sure.
I loved the before and after picture ....
certainly a very dramatic change, no wonder that your colleague did not recognize you.
Thank you for posting and sharing...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Today was interesting. Went swimming with my youngest. She always calls me Dad. Wearing my swimsuit as usual. This little girl next to us asks her Mum (hearing Dad) is that a girl? Mum says yes without thinking about it. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 04, 2019, 06:56:17 PM
Today was interesting. Went swimming with my youngest. She always calls me Dad. Wearing my swimsuit as usual. This little girl next to us asks her Mum (hearing Dad) is that a girl? Mum says yes without thinking about it. :)
Children can be inquisitive!
Chrissy
A fun weekend with my gf punctuated by a sad but necessary conversation with my Children's mother. I think She is really feeling the pressure now, returning in two weeks from South Korea after 5 weeks away. Said She wanted to keep the status quo (this strange half married not married thing) but it really doesn't work. I have told her that once the necessary arrangements have been made we will no longer live together, and arrangements and preparation for divorce should be expected.
Confirmation came today. I have full teacher registration today. Transition slowed the process down for a year or so but its done!
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 06, 2019, 05:12:52 PM
Confirmation came today. I have full teacher registration today. Transition slowed the process down for a year or so but its done!
@krobinson103 WOW... this is wonderful news. Ever since you mentioned upgrading your Teacher's License in mid-December I have had my fingers crossed for you. A big CONGRATULATIONS is in order for you!!!!
Best wishes to you.
Danielle
Congrats dear[emoji122]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Replacing the battery in my car I had three separate men offer to help. I turned them all down but it was obvious that many people seem to think that a woman needs help to fix her car! Also a photo from the inclusion photo shoot last year...
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/58geFa
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 17, 2019, 11:47:15 PM
Replacing the battery in my car I had three separate men offer to help. I turned them all down but it was obvious that many people seem to think that a woman needs help to fix her car! Also a photo from the inclusion photo shoot last year...
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/58geFa
@krobinson103 Most times when men offer to help me with various tasks, heavy boxes, hard to open jars and packages, opening and holding doors, gesturing for me to go first.... all of that... I usually accept and lavish them with my thank you and other appreciative comments. I am not big, only 5'4" or 5'5" at the most, never been strong and muscular, so anyway so I have no issues with gladly accepting their offers of assistance.
Your picture in your photoshoot flckr link is absolutely terrific!!! You look wonderful.
Thank you for sharing and posting.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on January 17, 2019, 11:58:58 PM
@krobinson103
Most times when men offer to help me with various tasks, heavy boxes, hard to open jars and packages, opening and holding doors, gesturing for me to go first.... all of that... I usually accept and lavish them with my thank you and other appreciative comments. I am not big, only 5'4" or 5'5" at the most, never been strong and muscular, so anyway so I have no issues with gladly accepting their offers of assistance.
Your picture in your photoshoot flckr link is absolutely terrific!!! You look wonderful.
Thank you for sharing and posting.
Hugs,
Danielle
It surprised me. A year and a half ago no one would have said anything. I'm used to sorting out things myself. Life is very different in many ways now.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/442A4t
Yay! My hair is the colour I want.
Right! Significant step in place to achieve SRS. Consult with Priamed in India this weekend aiming for surgery in December 2020 using the new PPV technique that means no dilation after 3 months or so, self lubricating lining, a vaginal lining thats pretty much the same as standard equipment, and reduced recovery time. They also only charge 15k US plus travel expenses. The timeline looks exciting...
2019 Orchie in March, Sort of separation and financial details, finish laser hair removal
2020 Move in with gf, SRS!
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 18, 2019, 08:39:34 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/442A4t
Yay! My hair is the colour I want.
@krobinson103 Yay indeed !!! You look very good in your photos as a blonde. ;)
I can tell you from my own personal experience that indeed
blondes do have more funContinue to enjoy fine tuning your transition journey and your appearance... YOU LOOK TERRIFIC...
Thank you for sharing and posting.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on January 22, 2019, 01:50:54 PM
@krobinson103
Yay indeed !!! You look very good in your photos as a blonde. ;)
I can tell you from my own personal experience that indeed blondes do have more fun
Continue to enjoy fine tuning your transition journey and your appearance... YOU LOOK TERRIFIC...
Thank you for sharing and posting.
Hugs,
Danielle
This blonde is having LOTS of fun.... :)
Well, last night was amazing beyond anything I've ever experienced. I spent the night with my girlfriend as usual, and instead of one orgasm at a time (closely spaced to be fair) from her attentions, while helping her enjoy her self I had the most intense sensations I've ever experienced and they went on and on and on... till I couldn't stand it anymore. All I can say is...
I LOVE BEING A GIRL!
Its like something connected that I've never had before and oh yes... me like. I think its probably because we are so good together, things have really shifted in my body in a lot of ways, and I'm really comfortable in my skin.
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 24, 2019, 05:24:09 PM
Well, last night was amazing beyond anything I've ever experienced. I spent the night with my girlfriend as usual, and instead of one orgasm at a time (closely spaced to be fair) from her attentions, while helping her enjoy her self I had the most intense sensations I've ever experienced and they went on and on and on... till I couldn't stand it anymore. All I can say is...
I LOVE BEING A GIRL!
Its like something connected that I've never had before and oh yes... me like. I think its probably because we are so good together, things have really shifted in my body in a lot of ways, and I'm really comfortable in my skin.
That does sound awesome! :)
Chrissy
Im so jelly right now!!!!! :laugh:
Been a while since my last update. Not much going on but I feel more and more confident in myself and who I am. My girl friend has a lot to do with that helping me to really accept the changes that have happened since I began transitioning, and offering a mirror that doesn't have mental blocks.
Minor news:
I was complimented at work the other day. I was told by a colleague that her daughters had seen me at a cafe and if they didn't know me before they would never have guessed I was trans.
Called to get a date on orchie. Wait time is 160 days ish... and I'm up to 89 days. Thats a month longer than they told me it would be but still, two months and a bit to go!
I have a consult online for GRS this Saturday... hoping to schedule for December 2020, Exciting!
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 06, 2019, 09:30:50 PM
Minor news:
I was complimented at work the other day. I was told by a colleague that her daughters had seen me at a cafe and if they didn't know me before they would never have guessed I was trans.
Called to get a date on orchie. Wait time is 160 days ish... and I'm up to 89 days. Thats a month longer than they told me it would be but still, two months and a bit to go!
I have a consult online for GRS this Saturday... hoping to schedule for December 2020, Exciting!
Congratulations on all counts! :) The time will pass quickly...
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 06, 2019, 09:30:50 PM
Minor news:
I was complimented at work the other day. I was told by a colleague that her daughters had seen me at a cafe and if they didn't know me before they would never have guessed I was trans.
Called to get a date on orchie. Wait time is 160 days ish... and I'm up to 89 days. Thats a month longer than they told me it would be but still, two months and a bit to go!
I have a consult online for GRS this Saturday... hoping to schedule for December 2020, Exciting!
@krobinson103 Wow... this is all very good news... strangers not being able to guess that you are trans is a terrific test and a wonderful affirmation for you.
Hey, regarding your Ordchi surgery date... be persistent and tenacious in trying to get your earlier date, but a least you know that it is on a schedule even if it is later than before.
... and your GRS consult coming up soon... wishing that you will get a good report and an acceptable surgery date.
Thank you for posting your update....... all good news for sure.
Hugs,
Danielle
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/9iw373
new pic
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 06, 2019, 10:12:30 PM
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/9iw373
new pic
@krobinson103 Terrific picture... looking at what you are wearing I just remembered that is is summer time where you live...
..... here where I am we are in the dead of winter.... cold, icy, snow, freezing....
and heavy coats, hats, gloves, boots, etc.
Thank you for sharing... you are looking good!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Amazing weekend. We walked in the pride march on Saturday, and went to 'The Big Gay Out' on Sunday. First time to pride for Alicia and my first time marching and wearing some... rather revealing clothing and got many compliments! The picnic on Sunday was lots of fun with about 10,000 people gathering and just being themselves with no judgments and some really good live entertainment.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/3fFh1g
Photos from the weekend.
Some good results from the last round of blood tests. E and T right where they should be and all other blood factors right where they need to be! No cholesterol issues left and the blood picture looks really good. Just about gathered all the paper and photos I need to send to the clinic in India to get srs locked in for 2020. Orchie is 66 days away... getting close!
Everyday is an awesome day!
Estrogen certainly makes sensual touch much more enjoyable for me. Kissing, hugging, cuddling, massages etc... all feel so much more enjoyable. It's extremely addictive. Especially when it's with someone you really love. Good luck with your procedures. 🙃
What a wonderful post and I find it to be so motivating to me, thank you so much and keep rocking girl!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Andie1963 on February 12, 2019, 07:23:38 PM
What a wonderful post and I find it to be so motivating to me, thank you so much and keep rocking girl!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You're welcome if anyone finds my little blog useful thats good. I used it initially to help me through it now its just really for information.
Guess its time to update.
Things at 'home' have fallen so far down that its no longer viable to live there. My kids have been turned against me and at this point the best policy is to remove myself entirely from the equation as the toxic negativity is driving me mad! I'm working on alternative living arrangements that should be ready in a month or so.
I've sent all the info needed for the SRS team in India to do an assessment and await their decision. If its a go I have two years to find 30,000 dollars but thats not an impossible task.
Orchie - well still no date but likely within the next two months.
Things go well with Alicia and I look forward to long future with her.
@krobinson103As you are aware, I have been an avid follower of your thread for a very long time.
I am so sorry to hear of your deteriorating living situation and relationship issues with your wife and kids.
I feel so badly for you but you seem to have a plan for your near future happiness and you have a healthy positive attitude. Plus, your transition, as evidenced by your recent photos and various postings, seems to be progressing nicely. Your appearance is definitely at the point that you are passing well at work and just about anywhere you go.
You have future plans for SRS and an Orchi... plus your personal plans with Alicia are going well... I am very happy to hear that good news for sure.
So, I see your report is a combination of bad news and good news.
Please know that I am always rooting for your success.
As a final thought, yes indeed, your thread is very beneficial to those that find the information that you post helpful, but please don't think that writing about your trials and tribulations is not helpful to you.... personally for me, I find that my thread is very therapeutic and is good personal therapy that allows me to vent my frustrations and to document my successes. Good personal therapy for sure.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
The path of life is never easy. If things come too easy they probably aren't worth all that much. Yes, there is a high price to be paid for the process documented here, but, there is also hope. Hope for a future where I live the way I was meant to. That WILL happen. I am MAKING it happen. The cost? Perhaps it was unavoidable. At any rate I regret nothing. Without me my children would not have been born and if I never see them again that will never change.
On a positive front I've found a way to move in with Alicia while at the same time giving her the space she needs... a relocatable rental cabin for as long we deem it needed. Plans are underway to make this happen and get free from the toxic negativity here.
Today IS and awesome day and tomorrow WILL be better and no amount of venom from someone who will never accept makes any difference!
Another night in the garage of the house that I purchased and once called my own. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. No money to live elsewhere unless I can prove I live elsewhere (kids mum would need to apply for a benefit which she won't get as long as I'm here). Plans to live with gf are in the future and for now I spend some time there and some time here. To be honest I'd rather spend the night in my car than be here since the memories and the sheer dislike I get here (from my kids and their mum) is now so bad I barely stand it.
The only answer at this point is to find (beg borrow something) the money to get a rental cabin or flat - maybe get my hands on a trailer? and get the heck out of here as its clear I have no place in anyone's life anymore.The price is has been very high, but I take comfort in the fact that if I had not transitioned I'd have no life at all. If that means losing almost everything of the past then that's the price I have to pay.
Going to see if I can borrow a bit of money from Dad to get clear of here as it makes no sense to continue everyone's suffering and there is no happy ending for this one - not for the path that once existed.
Today is still an awesome day. Everyday we draw breath and can see hope in the future is an awesome day - and there is always hope.
20th of the month one again and my regularly scheduled extra boob pain and short temperedness lol. Since I've been strictly Vegan for 4 months now food is not a contributor...
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 20, 2019, 12:45:29 PM
20th of the month one again and my regularly scheduled extra boob pain and short temperedness lol. Since I've been strictly Vegan for 4 months now food is not a contributor...
@krobinson103 No pain, no gain..... right? This is good news I would think. For me in my experience I never did have any kind of
cycles of breast pain.
Once I got to the 1 year mark in my HRT, the pain pretty well stopped and my breast growth continued up to a C-cup where it has thankfully remained.... I do not desire any bigger.
Thanks for your report... I am wishing you well with your continued body changes and also with your living situation...
I am so very sorry to hear that your
woman-cave garage is likely no longer going to be comfortably available to you to live in.
You certainly have a lot of considerations... especially possible future circumstances and living situations that will cost you money that you do not have...
I trust and hope that you will find an satisfactory and amicable way to juggle all of this in your life events.
Hugs and more hugs,... best wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 20, 2019, 01:00:45 PM
@krobinson103
No pain, no gain..... right? This is good news I would think. For me in my experience I never did have any kind of cycles of breast pain.
Once I got to the 1 year mark in my HRT, the pain pretty well stopped and my breast growth continued up to a C-cup where it has thankfully remained.... I do not desire any bigger.
Thanks for your report... I am wishing you well with your continued body changes and also with your living situation...
I am so very sorry to hear that your woman-cave garage is likely no longer going to be comfortably available to you to live in.
You certainly have a lot of considerations... especially possible future circumstances and living situations that will cost you money that you do not have...
I trust and hope that you will find an satisfactory and amicable way to juggle all of this in your life events.
Hugs and more hugs,... best wishes,
Danielle
All my C-cup bras a little on the small side now. Looks like things are going to stall out at around D cup which is fine with me cause I don't want bigger than that anyhow. :) Been one year and four months!
Alicia made an interesting comment the other day. She said she felt like she is dating a teenage girl sometimes. I thought about that and its true, more and more the persona I suppressed for so many years stands to the fore and She is... enthusiastic. I feel like a have new lease on life and a lot of my old inhibitions are gone or so small they don't matter.
Doesn't help a lot at work when I need to be very analytical and non reactive however! Also the ability to ignore or push emotional reactions aside is gone. That was actually very useful in my role.
@krobinson103 Please feel free to post your little poem in in your signature line in either of my threads...
Really good stuff that you wrote!!!!
The Positivity thread or the Susan's Writers thread....
Links at the bottom of my comments in the signature line.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 24, 2019, 01:35:10 PM
@krobinson103
Please feel free to post your little poem in in your signature line in either of my threads...
Really good stuff that you wrote!!!!
The Positivity thread or the Susan's Writers thread....
Links at the bottom of my comments in the signature line.
Hugs,
Danielle
Thank you, its a little mantra that kept me sane early transition, and is just as valid today with new challenges like divorce etc...
Tried on some new exercise clothes today. Looked at them and though no... women's exercise clothes (tight fitting) won't look good... but they do. I actually like what my body looks like! Add that to the 38 D breast development and fitting into size 14 clothes I'm a happy lady! Actually looks like my body is in proportion. Add this to the fact that facial hair is under control and any o clock shadow takes days to appear, and the upcoming orchiodectomy I have to say..
LIFE IS GOOD!
Even if the cost has been very high.
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 24, 2019, 11:54:48 PM
Tried on some new exercise clothes today. Looked at them and though no... women's exercise clothes (tight fitting) won't look good... but they do. I actually like what my body looks like! Add that to the 38 D breast development and fitting into size 14 clothes I'm a happy lady! Actually looks like my body is in proportion. Add this to the fact that facial hair is under control and any o clock shadow takes days to appear, and the upcoming orchiodectomy I have to say..
LIFE IS GOOD!
Even if the cost has been very high.
@krobinson103 That is such a great feeling to come to the point of eventually enjoying tight fitting and body hugging clothing... that is something that most men never experience or even care for when wearing gender appropriate men's clothing.
Also.... great news on your 38D, your clothing sizes, and your facial hair reports....
I am so very happy for you.
Thank you for your updates... they have become my daily reading enjoyment this last year...
... wow, has it been that long that I have been following your journey? ???
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 25, 2019, 10:46:50 AM
@krobinson103
That is such a great feeling to come to the point of eventually enjoying tight fitting and body hugging clothing... that is something that most men never experience or even care for when wearing gender appropriate men's clothing.
Also.... great news on your 38D, your clothing sizes, and your facial hair reports....
I am so very happy for you.
Thank you for your updates... they have become my daily reading enjoyment this last year...
... wow, has it been that long that I have been following your journey? ???
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle
One year and four months already! Hard to believe whats changed in that time...
Been doing some reading on the benefits of progesterone in mtf hrt. Its postulated (and tested in a limited way) that it benefits breast growth, energy, and libido. Not that I really need any extra of any of those but I'm going to try to push my doc to trial it for a few months and see if it does indeed make any difference.
I've added some extra supplements to the many that I take every morning that, in theory (yes probably not very effective) support a more balanced hormone balance in my body. At the next hrt review meeting (which SHOULD be when my orchie is done yay!) I want to discuss getting a small dose of progesterone cream to see if it adds anything to my results - which I have no issue with anyway.
On other fronts I'm going to move out of my house very soon as the situation is intolerable - almost found a solution, and, I've signed up for another trans visibility photo shoot next weekend to stand up and say (again) WE ARE HERE! I might get some flack from the haters out there but I don't care. Its time trans people were accepted as the same as anyone else and I'll do whatever I can to make that happen.
Did a fun run today. Longest bathroom line ever... 70 people and a 20 minute wait in my running gear... nothing! No odd looks or anything. That would have terrified me even 7 months ago.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 02, 2019, 09:59:27 PM
Did a fun run today. Longest bathroom line ever... 70 people and a 20 minute wait in my running gear... nothing! No odd looks or anything. That would have terrified me even 7 months ago.
@krobinson103 ~20 minutes waiting in the bathroom line...
sucks big time.....
~No odd looks waiting in line in your running gear...
priceless!!!
Thanks for your update and overall good report!
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Sometimes the decisions you make out of desperation lead to the greatest joy in your life, and perhaps the greatest heartbreak. I had no choice but to transition if I wanted to continue to be alive. This is truth. I also knew the price could be very, very high. It seems more and more certain that the only path to happiness is to leave almost everything of the past behind me.
My 'wife' (on paper only) has been poisoning the kids against me and each time I return to this house they are a bit more hostile. It breaks my heart and I can't watch it. It seems the only true way to be happy and escape this horrible situation is to simply burn that bridge and let the 'father' they knew simply.. disappear and only provide financial support but make no effort to maintain contact.
I had hoped it would not come to this...
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 04, 2019, 02:08:43 AM
Sometimes the decisions you make out of desperation lead to the greatest joy in your life, and perhaps the greatest heartbreak. I had no choice but to transition if I wanted to continue to be alive. This is truth. I also knew the price could be very, very high. It seems more and more certain that the only path to happiness is to leave almost everything of the past behind me.
My 'wife' (on paper only) has been poisoning the kids against me and each time I return to this house they are a bit more hostile. It breaks my heart and I can't watch it. It seems the only true way to be happy and escape this horrible situation is to simply burn that bridge and let the 'father' they knew simply.. disappear and only provide financial support but make no effort to maintain contact.
I had hoped it would not come to this...
this is heartbreaking. I have no idea what I would have done.
Losing your kids, for any reason, is horrible. Losing them due to the influence of another is worse yet better. There is still the chance that their own thoughts will sway them back to you. Don't slam the door, gently close it leaving a crack open. Most poisons have antidotes. You need to be the antidote to their mothers poison.
Quote from: Faith on March 04, 2019, 06:21:58 AM
this is heartbreaking. I have no idea what I would have done.
Losing your kids, for any reason, is horrible. Losing them due to the influence of another is worse yet better. There is still the chance that their own thoughts will sway them back to you. Don't slam the door, gently close it leaving a crack open. Most poisons have antidotes. You need to be the antidote to their mothers poison.
What do you do?
You protect yourself and support those you have obligations to. What I can't do is expose myself to the pain and emotional manipulation she is throwing at me. I can understand she feels like her world has been turned upside down, but attempting to make everyone else feel miserable achieves nothing but drive me away (which, I suspect, is her plan).
If she wants kids who have a Father who is 'normal' they get some photos on the wall of a life lived in misery on the inside. I hate those photos because they bring back memories I don't want to surface ever again. If she wants support she gets the real me and that isn't negotiable!
Yesterday I thought its safe... and ate something with dairy in it. Today I have very unsubtle reminder in the form of lots of pain that diary and animal protein are off the menu! Haven't had this much breast pain since I started eating vegan.
Note to self... as good as it looks don't eat it!
Well I've spent 4/7 days every week not at my house and I have to say that its better. No hostility to deal with, and a welcoming partner in the evening makes for a MUCH better day. Just about sorted out living arrangements with Alicia and hopefully will stabilize finances soon.
Not sure how I go about collecting the cash for grs in 1 year and 8 months but since I got this far I'm sure I will find a way! Still no news on a surgery date for orchie except for a cap of 160 days wait of which I'm prob at day 115 or so. So a month a half out with a bit of luck.
Still got some pretty serious sorting to disentangle myself from my kids mother in terms of finances, organize some local benefits for her, and begin the separation / divorce process which takes two years.
Small steps forward... but I can see the end of the road ahead and I will soon be able to call transition.. FINISHED.
Strangest thing happened this week. I've considered my penis to be... left over for a while now and have rarely felt it. Lately when my gf wants to... play ... she has played with the end of it. Thing is I don't feel it there... I feel it where a clitoris would be and its to say the least... intense! Its like I have mental map that fits what I see as ideal and my body is mapping sensation around that.
Since it barely even responds in the usual way and is small to say the least I've decided to reassign it as a pointy out clitoris in my head till I can do something about it. :) More and more my body is conforming to what I always wanted it to be and it feels... FABULOUS. Dysphoria exists but its no longer pressing since I know I have plans in place to remove the source.
On other fronts I have moved out of my house and now only spend 1-2 days a week there to manage practical finances, maintenance, and see the kids. Alicia and I have a bond that is unlike anything I've ever experienced and gets stronger every day. She challenges me to face my left over fears (short dresses etc) and pushes me to as she says emerge fully. She is my rock and my cheering section when the little voices of dysphoria and self doubt creep in. She is definitely a keeper! I want to be with her till we are both old and grey...
Orchie in two weeks! Tuesday the 26th of March. :) Just applied for a weeks leave...
excited does not describe my feelings right now.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 11, 2019, 06:05:42 PM
Orchie in two weeks! Tuesday the 26th of March. :) Just applied for a weeks leave...
excited does not describe my feelings right now.
@krobinson103 Great news... I will be counting down the days with you!!!! :eusa_dance: :icon_mrhappy:
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 11, 2019, 06:05:42 PM
Orchie in two weeks! Tuesday the 26th of March. :) Just applied for a weeks leave...
excited does not describe my feelings right now.
congrats, just a little more than a month that I had mine. It was not a big deal! It taught me how to use maxi pads in women's underwear (guys briefs don't have that magic panel in the crotch area!)
Yes, guy boxers have a fly hole to contend with and are to lose to hold a pads close to your body. Need a nice panty to do the job correctly for a woman.
Quote from: mm on March 12, 2019, 11:22:38 AM
Yes, guy boxers have a fly hole to contend with and are to lose to hold a pads close to your body. Need a nice panty to do the job correctly for a woman.
Haven't worn guys underpants for over a year... :) The fit got really poor.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 12, 2019, 12:43:56 PM
Haven't worn guys underpants for over a year... :) The fit got really poor.
i used to still wear them when I was in guy mode. But now I mostly wear the panties called boy shorts, they feel most comfortable with the maxi pads inside.
Taking about maxi pads, I change them 3 to 4 times a day, and those things can fill up a bathroom garbage can in no time!
Quote from: Dietlind on March 12, 2019, 08:26:52 PM
i used to still wear them when I was in guy mode. But now I mostly wear the panties called boy shorts, they feel most comfortable with the maxi pads inside.
Taking about maxi pads, I change them 3 to 4 times a day, and those things can fill up a bathroom garbage can in no time!
Ok so the wounds obviously take a bit of time to stop bleeding/seeping then. Good to know.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 12, 2019, 08:33:15 PM
Ok so the wounds obviously take a bit of time to stop bleeding/seeping then. Good to know.
I would call it spotting. Some of it may happen because of walking, but any surgical wound, specifically one in an area with such a strong blood supply, takes its time to cloth fully.
It does not really hurt, it is more some kind of discomfort depending how I sit or walk. I do not feel any physical effects from it. Psychologically, yes, I feel somehow more female, and I can wer any female type pants, without any effort to hide something.
But the biggest gain for me is that I don't have to take spiro anymore! I would do it again just for that reason!
In reference to your kids:
You can teach your kids anything, but they grow up and learn stuff on there own and develop their own opinions. It may be hard to stay in their lives now, but you can never get these years back. Someday they will have there own opinions and any crap your ex wife tried to fill them with, they can reject and replace them with their own feelings. If you walk out now you may lose them forever. If you keep trying and stay active in there lives one day they may see things in a different light and you can have close relationship with them. Just don't give up hope.
Quote from: Erika_Courtney on March 13, 2019, 07:49:28 PM
In reference to your kids:
You can teach your kids anything, but they grow up and learn stuff on there own and develop their own opinions. It may be hard to stay in their lives now, but you can never get these years back. Someday they will have there own opinions and any crap your ex wife tried to fill them with, they can reject and replace them with their own feelings. If you walk out now you may lose them forever. If you keep trying and stay active in there lives one day they may see things in a different light and you can have close relationship with them. Just don't give up hope.
I can do what I can. If it turns out I lose them forever I have my life... and not one of misery. I knew the price would be high, but I'm willing to pay ANY price for an authentic life.
Well t minus 10 days tomorrow! Six more days at work to get everything ship shape for two weeks away! My ride is set, pick up sorted, surgery booked, and Kelly in the best shape she has been in for years! Bring it on.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 15, 2019, 01:00:14 AM
Well t minus 10 days tomorrow! Six more days at work to get everything ship shape for two weeks away! My ride is set, pick up sorted, surgery booked, and Kelly in the best shape she has been in for years! Bring it on.
Now long now Kelly, in case I'm not on Susans much in the next week I'll say it now
Good Luck!! I hope it all goes smoothly.
Take care,
Sonja.
Few developments.
Went 'home' to get some stuff and help my ex with some financial stuff etc. It got tense... then it got horrible, so I left and felt miserable for most of the day (as in dark places I haven't been in years).
My wonderful girl friend helped pull me out of that and we went shopping for food and sanitary pads.. yup I'll need em after surgery at the beginning of next week. Who'd have thought I'd need those? All seems rather surreal.
T -8 days and counting!
Yes, you will get to know how it feel to wear a pad for a few days. I never liked the feel and seeing them between my legs. Good luck with your surgery.
Quote from: mm on March 18, 2019, 09:53:05 PM
Yes, you will get to know how it feel to wear a pad for a few days. I never liked the feel and seeing them between my legs. Good luck with your surgery.
Thanks.
Not looking forward to needing them, but I see it as a dry run for srs which is the next big step and in the last phases of planning...
Quote from: Dietlind on March 12, 2019, 08:48:58 PM
I would call it spotting. Some of it may happen because of walking, but any surgical wound, specifically one in an area with such a strong blood supply, takes its time to cloth fully.
It does not really hurt, it is more some kind of discomfort depending how I sit or walk. I do not feel any physical effects from it. Psychologically, yes, I feel somehow more female, and I can wer any female type pants, without any effort to hide something.
But the biggest gain for me is that I don't have to take spiro anymore! I would do it again just for that reason!
I'm glad things are going well. Try putting a calibrated tea bag in with your maxi pad. It helped me with the bleeding when I had my wisdom teeth extracted.
Quote from: NatalieRene on March 18, 2019, 11:53:29 PM
I'm glad things are going well. Try putting a calibrated tea bag in with your maxi pad. It helped me with the bleeding when I had my wisdom teeth extracted.
I still have one tiny spot of blood on my maxi pad in the evening. All the swelling is gone now. I took a look with a mirror to get an idea how it looks down there. I was very surprised to see that they took most of my scrotum away, too. There is hardly any skin hanging around. What is left looks almost like a labia minor, it just is some skin on the sides, and an "empty" spot in the middle. I have the feeling that about half of my planned limited depth SRS is done already ???! Wearing any type of female tight pants should not be a problem for me anymore. After all, stuff that is not there cannot be seen!
I still use maxi pads, I am so used to them now that they almost feel comfortable. I will see the surgeon on the 25th, and I assume that I get a green light to continue with my normal activities. I would not feel like riding a bicycle in the near future, though!
good for you, Dietlind, glad you are comfortable with wearing a maxi pad; I never liked have one between my legs always knew it was there. Your left over parts must sure be small now to be able to wear tight female style pants.
Quote from: mm on March 19, 2019, 09:33:52 AM
good for you, Dietlind, glad you are comfortable with wearing a maxi pad; I never liked have one between my legs always knew it was there. Your left over parts must sure be small now to be able to wear tight female style pants.
Yes, it is so atrophied that I could not use a urinal if I wanted to use one. I would call it to be an oversized clitoris.
Quote from: Dietlind on March 19, 2019, 09:53:09 AM
Yes, it is so atrophied that I could not use a urinal if I wanted to use one. I would call it to be an oversized clitoris.
Same. Standing to pee is an exercise in futility. Looking at what is left at the moment I'm glad I'm going to India for srs using the ppv technique as penile inversion would result in very... limited depth etc. It certainly serves as a clitoris when it comes to play time.. :) Overall I'm not sad at all its shrank to the point I can stuff it inside me and its pretty much gone.
Can't wait to hear your final results. Best of luck. It's getting close!!!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 19, 2019, 01:14:59 PM
I can stuff it inside me and its pretty much gone.
Isn't it amazing, how it simply slips in and disappears? I think that I can created the "Camel Toe" look without problems, once my scar is not sensitive anymore!
Two and a half days to go! Getting nervous now...
Feeling a lot of anxiety today. Woke up in the night sweating only to feel cold when I tried to cool down. Don't think I'm sick as it passed fairly quickly. At the moment the anticipation is killing me...
GOOD LUCK KELLY!!!
Take care, I hope it all goes well.
Sonja
Tomorrow is the day! Just have to get through work today...
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 24, 2019, 01:17:43 PM
Tomorrow is the day! Just have to get through work today...
Good luck! X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Well today is the day!
I have five hours before I need to report to the hospital and thought I'd add my current thoughts for posterity so to say. I feel...excited and ready for this.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 25, 2019, 12:40:49 PM
Well today is the day!
I have five hours before I need to report to the hospital and thought I'd add my current thoughts for posterity so to say. I feel...excited and ready for this.
All the best, Kelly!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 25, 2019, 12:40:49 PM
Well today is the day!
I have five hours before I need to report to the hospital and thought I'd add my current thoughts for posterity so to say. I feel...excited and ready for this.
My thoughts( and envy) are with you Kelly(lol ).
Looking forward to hearing more of your story,
Kirsten xx.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Hope you will not have much pain when you wake up! Remember, pain is not supposed to be there, it can b e controlled very well! If you have pain, tell the staff to come with pain killers!
Well... ITS DONE!
It was nerve wracking waiting in the waiting rooms but once that iv went in the lights went out and I woke up and it was all over. Feeling a bit woosy and potentially sore. Have to take it easy for a couple of weeks.
Was a bit annoyed they kept getting pronouns wrong but I spose they were cutting male anatomy. I suggested politely that if the chart says female... get it right!
I hope your recovery is as easy and with little pain as mine was/is. I had my post op yesterday and was told to come back in a year!
By the way, maxi pads are your friend!
Zero blood or bruising just feels a bit sore when I walk around. Cold pack all night and pain meds helped. Still feel a bit week from the general but hopefully that passes today. Otherwise feeling fine!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 26, 2019, 01:51:24 PM
Zero blood or bruising just feels a bit sore when I walk around. Cold pack all night and pain meds helped. Still feel a bit week from the general but hopefully that passes today. Otherwise feeling fine!
Good to hear you are doing OK Kelly. When do you anticipate getting out of the hospital?
I guess the technique has a packing that must stay in for several days ?
My thoughts are with you, Kirsten.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on March 26, 2019, 02:00:30 PM
Good to hear you are doing OK Kelly. When do you anticipate getting out of the hospital?
I guess the technique has a packing that must stay in for several days ?
My thoughts are with you, Kirsten.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
No packing, went home last night. Stitches dissolve and they used some kinda glue. No aftercare required. Just see a doc in a week to check healing.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 26, 2019, 02:09:57 PM
No packing, went home last night. Stitches dissolve and they used some kinda glue. No aftercare required. Just see a doc in a week to check healing.
Fantastic! I guess Linde's experience was a good guide as well. Also where do the incisions end up?
Kirsten
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on March 26, 2019, 03:32:06 PM
Fantastic! I guess Linde's experience was a good guide as well. Also where do the incisions end up?
Kirsten
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
They did a scrotal incision but in a way its better cause it will heal faster
I went and purchased some new panties today... and its so great! Anything fits.. :) No more tucking or being limited to certain styles. Walking to 3 stores (15 minutes tops) including shopping was exhausting... this op has sure taken it out of me.
Still no swelling or bruising and no need for pads. Pain gets pretty bad but I'm using main meds and an ice pack to manage. Not much energy today. Almost passed out standing up a few times but its only been 30 hours or so since the operation. Stuff is getting better.
I've been reflecting... the recovery process I'm going through made me realize. When you are able bodied and fit you take it for granted. Being limited as I am at the moment makes me really appreciate what I have! My gf is here to make sure I don't push myself too hard as I'm likely to.
krobinson103, good to hear you are doing so well, do take it easy for a couple of days. New panties should feel great for you, lass to hold in place as you are much flatter down there now. Has your little hose down there gotten small enough to hide in your panties nicely now. Someday it will be gone too.
Day two of recovery. Slept through the night no pain relief needed. Woke up feeling good. Had shower, pain kicked in this time above penis. No pain at the operation site. I still feel like I have 50kg weights tied to my body and don't have a lot of energy. The fog I've been in from the general has now lifted and my body responds to commands again, but quickly reminds me that its a bit broken and to no do all that much!
As for the little hose its very little lol. Once the incision is fully healed simply tucking it down between my legs will make it disappear.
Going out of my mind with boredom but otherwise doing great.
A bit of swelling has shown up but icepacks are dealing to it. Some nerve pain above the site but that might come from the testicles being pulled down and out. still feel very weak but I think some of that might be hormonal shifts as my body adjusts. I been good today and stayed in bed pretty much. Tomorrow I'll hopefully have a bit more energy.
Day 3 of recovery:
Last night I walked round the neighborhood briefly and paid the price through the night and this morning with lots of nerve pain. If I don't move too much I feel great. If I am too active there is a price to pay!
What swelling there was is gone, and, a small amount of bruising on my penis has shown up. I feel clear mentally and my energy returns. Just a matter of being good and not doing too much for a few more days it seems...
Well for the first time in 3 days I actually managed a bowel movement huzzah! I was getting worried. Things are looking up!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 28, 2019, 05:25:01 PM
Well for the first time in 3 days I actually managed a bowel movement huzzah! I was getting worried. Things are looking up!
@krobinson103 Oh yeah, bruising on the penis... it probably looks like it was put in a vise and hit with a hammer.... a scary site if you were not completely anticipation it. Be careful is your girlfriend sees it, she might be shocked.
And yes, surgery and anesthetics can foul up your gastric system... in one of my surgery events it took me almost 4 days... I did lots of walking and exercise trying get things working again....
I bet that you feel so much better now... an instant diet of several pounds weight loss I would imagine, I think.
Hugs and happy healing,
Danielle
I wish you a very easy recovery. :)
Chrissy
Thanks for all the good wishes.
I feel like I turned a corner today. I did some housework and I don't feel dead. Still tire quickly but I think the worst is passed. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 28, 2019, 09:04:11 PM
Thanks for all the good wishes.
I feel like I turned a corner today. I did some housework and I don't feel dead. Still tire quickly but I think the worst is passed. :)
Hi Kelly, 29 March 2019
I think you turned the corner when you met the pretty young lady I see next to you in your avatar. You both are beautiful and I wish you both all the happiness in the world.
Best Always, Love
Christine
PS:
Welcome to Devlyn's Nada Club
Quote from: christinej78 on March 29, 2019, 11:26:16 AM
Hi Kelly, 29 March 2019
I think you turned the corner when you met the pretty young lady I see next to you in your avatar. You both are beautiful and I wish you both all the happiness in the world.
Best Always, Love
Christine
PS:
Welcome to Devlyn's Nada Club
Thank you.
Well today the nerve pain is still there and some lingering weakness. I still have this feeling that the coming couple of weeks I need to be careful but, I feel great! The incision is looking good with the sutures beginning to break down and the glue starting to come off. My head is finally clear and I have some energy back.
I have been reflecting though...
No testicles is good, but its not enough. I'm glad I did it, but there is still one step to go. :)
Todays lesson...
Just because it seems you feel ok doesn't mean you do!
Went for a shopping trip to the supermarket and by the time I got home I had zero energy and the nerve pain is killing me. Still got a ways to go it seems.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 28, 2019, 09:04:11 PM
Thanks for all the good wishes.
I feel like I turned a corner today. I did some housework and I don't feel dead. Still tire quickly but I think the worst is passed. :)
Missed the first days of your recovery, but now I welcome you in he club of the people with no balls!
It will get better, once your body realizes that no testosterone is spilled into it. To make up for it, my endo decided to double my E, and that makes me feel even better!
Just don't overdo it with physical activity, you might have lost quite a bit of blood, and that makes you weak and tired!
I thought my genital dysphoria was done with removing the things, but in fact, I think it got worse, I don't know why? I will try to get SRS as soon as possible now!
I am over it now for a while, however I am pretty sure that I will not ride a bicycle in the near future!
Quote from: Dietlind on March 29, 2019, 04:13:01 PM
Missed the first days of your recovery, but now I welcome you in he club of the people with no balls!
It will get better, once your body realizes that no testosterone is spilled into it. To make up for it, my endo decided to double my E, and that makes me feel even better!
Just don't overdo it with physical activity, you might have lost quite a bit of blood, and that makes you weak and tired!
I thought my genital dysphoria was done with removing the things, but in fact, I think it got worse, I don't know why? I will try to get SRS as soon as possible now!
I am over it now for a while, however I am pretty sure that I will not ride a bicycle in the near future!
I agree... SRS can't come fast enough (through I don't look forward to more pain!) As for riding a bike anytime soon? LOL
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 29, 2019, 05:19:34 PM
I agree... SRS can't come fast enough (through I don't look forward to more pain!) As for riding a bike anytime soon? LOL
Either I am a weirdo in things pain, or I must have run in a dream figure of a surgeon! I had no nerve pain whatsoever, and the wound pain was more discomfort than real pain. I tool two Tylenol on the day of surgery, an before bedtime one of those Opioide pills to make sure I could sleep well. The next and the following two days, I just took Opioide to ensure a good night rest.
If I am as lucky with any pain of SRS, it will be apiece of cake for me. I might just be not that sensitive to pain, cause I have no problem with electrolysis on my lips around my mouth and also no problem with lasering this area. If this will work for any other work, SRS here I come!
And yes, the no need to tuck thing is wonderful, isn't it? My member is so atrophied, I can simply push it into my abdomen, and I am smooth down there! In fact, that little scrotum that is left even mimics some kind of labia once I have underwear on. If a woman of my size can wear some kind of panties, I can as well!
Quote from: Dietlind on March 29, 2019, 06:59:28 PM
Either I am a weirdo in things pain, or I must have run in a dream figure of a surgeon! I had no nerve pain whatsoever, and the wound pain was more discomfort than real pain. I tool two Tylenol on the day of surgery, an before bedtime one of those Opioide pills to make sure I could sleep well. The next and the following two days, I just took Opioide to ensure a good night rest.
If I am as lucky with any pain of SRS, it will be apiece of cake for me. I might just be not that sensitive to pain, cause I have no problem with electrolysis on my lips around my mouth and also no problem with lasering this area. If this will work for any other work, SRS here I come!
And yes, the no need to tuck thing is wonderful, isn't it? My member is so atrophied, I can simply push it into my abdomen, and I am smooth down there! In fact, that little scrotum that is left even mimics some kind of labia once I have underwear on. If a woman of my size can wear some kind of panties, I can as well!
Still got the glue and stitches which add bulk and a little bit of swelling. But I can see once thats all cleared up there should be very little to stand out so to speak. I have zero need for pads and lots of icing has reduced the swelling and bruising to a large extend. As for member its become... flexible. It can be as large as it once was or very small indeed. In fact the removal of the testicles has improved its function (only when I want it to). Go figure!
I am avoiding the strong pain pills and sticking with the lower order ones. Yes, it hurts more but I don't want the side effects and I dislike adding strong medication to my body unless I must. My biggest issue at the moment is that while I feel good at rest it takes very little to tire me out.
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 29, 2019, 08:30:26 PM
Still got the glue and stitches which add bulk and a little bit of swelling. But I can see once thats all cleared up there should be very little to stand out so to speak. I have zero need for pads and lots of icing has reduced the swelling and bruising to a large extend. As for member its become... flexible. It can be as large as it once was or very small indeed. In fact the removal of the testicles has improved its function (only when I want it to). Go figure!
I am avoiding the strong pain pills and sticking with the lower order ones. Yes, it hurts more but I don't want the side effects and I dislike adding strong medication to my body unless I must. My biggest issue at the moment is that while I feel good at rest it takes very little to tire me out.
They did not want to use tissue adhesive on me (our lab invented that stuff). He felt that the area does not lend itself well to gluing, and I have to agree with this. You being tired fast can be because of the blood loss, and because of no testosterone! You now have less than female levels, because we don't have ovaries! I was pretty worn out, too after the surgery, and I talked my endo into doubling my estrogen. Once I had that working for a day or two, I felt normal again. I had my blood test done yesterday, and will see y endo next week. he wants me to eventually have normale female values.
Had one more bad turn last night when I tried to do the dishes. I find it super frustrating that I can't do a simple task without being in pain for forty minutes after. Still, I managed a bit more than the day before so improvement is noted!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 30, 2019, 01:03:01 PM
Had one more bad turn last night when I tried to do the dishes. I find it super frustrating that I can't do a simple task without being in pain for forty minutes after. Still, I managed a bit more than the day before so improvement is noted!
Congratulations on your improvement!
Chrissy
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 30, 2019, 01:03:01 PM
Had one more bad turn last night when I tried to do the dishes. I find it super frustrating that I can't do a simple task without being in pain for forty minutes after. Still, I managed a bit more than the day before so improvement is noted!
How long is it now after your surgery? It is about a week or so, isn't it? You should not have any incapacitating pain anymore from just doing light activities! See how it goes, you might want to see your doc about it!
Good luck!
Quote from: Dietlind on March 30, 2019, 03:44:35 PM
How long is it now after your surgery? It is about a week or so, isn't it? You should not have any incapacitating pain anymore from just doing light activities! See how it goes, you might want to see your doc about it!
Good luck!
Day six. I've noticed improvement today in terms of energy but any distance of walking is still causing some issues. Went to a picnic today and it was all good except for the walk to and from the car. Still, I'm not curled up in a ball of pain now so its good...
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 30, 2019, 10:15:16 PM
Day six. I've noticed improvement today in terms of energy but any distance of walking is still causing some issues. Went to a picnic today and it was all good except for the walk to and from the car. Still, I'm not curled up in a ball of pain now so its good...
I think for a long time you are up to feel some pain with walking, and it indicates pretty well that something was done between your legs! I still feel a little discomfort. I found the best control for this is those female spandex type shaping panties, which can be pulled really tight against your body, and stay there. I put a maxi pad for padding into these, and when I walk I have minimal tissue movement, and thus minimize the pain quite a bit.
Quote from: Dietlind on March 30, 2019, 10:24:00 PM
I think for a long time you are up to feel some pain with walking, and it indicates pretty well that something was done between your legs! I still feel a little discomfort. I found the best control for this is those female spandex type shaping panties, which can be pulled really tight against your body, and stay there. I put a maxi pad for padding into these, and when I walk I have minimal tissue movement, and thus minimize the pain quite a bit.
Its not the scrotum that hurts... thats as good as healed almost. Its the nerves on the inside that are causing me issues. I don't think padding is going to make any difference to that. I just have to wait till they shut down. I think they might have. I now feel like I've been kicked in the non existant balls rather then being stabbed in the groin. An improvement!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 30, 2019, 10:36:45 PM
Its not the scrotum that hurts... thats as good as healed almost. Its the nerves on the inside that are causing me issues. I don't think padding is going to make any difference to that. I just have to wait till they shut down. I think they might have. I now feel like I've been kicked in the non existant balls rather then being stabbed in the groin. An improvement!
Again, I might be a different creature than you, but I did not feel any nerve pain what so ever! Th only pain/discomfort I had, was from the surgical wund, nothing else did hurt.
It would be interesting if others would chime in and say if and what kind of pain they had?
Well the pain seems to be leaving me. Still quite limited as to the duration of activity, but, if I limit myself to short durations and don't walk too far too fast I'm doing well. I feel I have turned the corner in terms of being able to look after myself again. YAY!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 31, 2019, 02:57:31 AM
Well the pain seems to be leaving me. Still quite limited as to the duration of activity, but, if I limit myself to short durations and don't walk too far too fast I'm doing well. I feel I have turned the corner in terms of being able to look after myself again. YAY!
That sounds good. Concerning the low energy, don't forget that somebody did cut your body open, and quite a bit of blood was drained out of you! And, as I also stated, you don't have any testosterone anymore, and if that is not made up with extra estrogen, you will feel low in energy! This is a big thing for the bodies endocrine system! It is not like: let's just cut them there balls off, and we are done! You are also deprived of hormones now!
Hang on in there!
Linde
Well I had some reserves of patches and decided to experiment. Added one more patch this morning to see if I could get some energy back. Like a switch as soon as it kicked in I felt normal again (apart from the odd pain). Going to have to ask for a review of my e dose...
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 31, 2019, 02:52:30 PM
Well I had some reserves of patches and decided to experiment. Added one more patch this morning to see if I could get some energy back. Like a switch as soon as it kicked in I felt normal again (apart from the odd pain). Going to have to ask for a review of my e dose...
I talked to my endo about a little over a week about doubling my E, because like you, I was dragging along through the day. And like you experience now, that stuff is needed to make up for the missing testosterone!
In some way having no testosterone feels absolutely different that having it blocked bei spiro.
Good luck so you get that extra stuff prescribed! My next goal is getting onto progesterone!
Quote from: Dietlind on March 31, 2019, 03:42:29 PM
I talked to my endo about a little over a week about doubling my E, because like you, I was dragging along through the day. And like you experience now, that stuff is needed to make up for the missing testosterone!
In some way having no testosterone feels absolutely different that having it blocked bei spiro.
Good luck so you get that extra stuff prescribed! My next goal is getting onto progesterone!
Hi Linde, 31 March 2019
Glad you mentioned Progesterone, my hematologist suggested the same thing for me once I am over the DVT and have completed the Prescribed regime for Xarelto (6 months, 2 to go). His comment was that Progesterone does not make the blood sticky like "E" or "T" do.
I'm assuming you are wanting "P" and "E" simultaneously; is this correct? If so, why?
I don't see my Hematologist until late April and my Endocrinologist sometime later. I want back on the "She-Mones and Her-Mones ASAP. I want the feminization that has been in limbo these past four months to resume. I'm happy I have boobs, albeit small, but I would rather look like a seasoned woman with small boobs than an old geezer with them.
Sorry Kelly for high jacking your thread. I do hope you are feeling better and this pain situation resolves quickly. I do admire your tenacity as you progress along your path to Freedom and Happiness.
Best Always, Love
Christine
Quote from: Dietlind on March 31, 2019, 03:42:29 PM
I talked to my endo about a little over a week about doubling my E, because like you, I was dragging along through the day. And like you experience now, that stuff is needed to make up for the missing testosterone!
In some way having no testosterone feels absolutely different that having it blocked bei spiro.
Good luck so you get that extra stuff prescribed! My next goal is getting onto progesterone!
I agree. The difference between blocking/supressing and not present is massive. I went to shift my (smallish) metal file box and ummm.. yup that thing has never been heavy before.
Quote from: christinej78 on March 31, 2019, 04:30:17 PM
Hi Linde, 31 March 2019
Glad you mentioned Progesterone, my hematologist suggested the same thing for me once I am over the DVT and have completed the Prescribed regime for Xarelto (6 months, 2 to go). His comment was that Progesterone does not make the blood sticky like "E" or "T" do.
I'm assuming you are wanting "P" and "E" simultaneously; is this correct? If so, why?
I don't see my Hematologist until late April and my Endocrinologist sometime later. I want back on the "She-Mones and Her-Mones ASAP. I want the feminization that has been in limbo these past four months to resume. I'm happy I have boobs, albeit small, but I would rather look like a seasoned woman with small boobs than an old geezer with them.
Sorry Kelly for high jacking your thread. I do hope you are feeling better and this pain situation resolves quickly. I do admire your tenacity as you progress along your path to Freedom and Happiness.
Best Always, Love
Christine
All good Christine. Everything I read says a small dose of progestrone has many benefits. Going to push for it.
Quote from: christinej78 on March 31, 2019, 04:30:17 PM
Hi Linde, 31 March 2019
Glad you mentioned Progesterone, my hematologist suggested the same thing for me once I am over the DVT and have completed the Prescribed regime for Xarelto (6 months, 2 to go). His comment was that Progesterone does not make the blood sticky like "E" or "T" do.
I'm assuming you are wanting "P" and "E" simultaneously; is this correct? If so, why?
I don't see my Hematologist until late April and my Endocrinologist sometime later. I want back on the "She-Mones and Her-Mones ASAP. I want the feminization that has been in limbo these past four months to resume. I'm happy I have boobs, albeit small, but I would rather look like a seasoned woman with small boobs than an old geezer with them.
Sorry Kelly for high jacking your thread. I do hope you are feeling better and this pain situation resolves quickly. I do admire your tenacity as you progress along your path to Freedom and Happiness.
Best Always, Love
Christine
Yes Christine, I want E and P. If you read the thread
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=245188.0
you will understand why I want this. I forwarded all the quoted info to my endo, and hope he will agree to put me onto the stuff.
Who knows, with P added to my system, it might even be possible to reduce E a little. My endo wants me to be on the hormone level of a natal woman, and P is a pat of that.
Who knows, it might be the magic stuff for you, too. I can't even comprehend how terrible you must feel without any decent level of hormones in your system. The one week without T and low dose E almost incapacitated me!
I hope everything is continuing to go fine with, because us two old maids have to hang in there to show the kids here, how it is done!
Hugs
Linde
A no painkiller day and while it is a bit sore I'm still standing! I am very very weak in terms of physical strength but this seems to be improving. A good day.
Today I went for most surgery check and learned a few things.
1) The doctor (not my usual) was very open but had obviously never seen many trans patients.
2) The incision is healing fine
3) The nerve pain could possibly take up to a few months to go away!
I also talked to him about progesterone and while he did not know all that much about it he agreed it could possibly help with energy and breast development since I am at tanner stage four at this point. So he prescribed a months worth on a really low dose for a trial to see if it helps.
My experience with progesterone creams (over the counter) is that they do seem to have a positive effect. I'm hoping that since I still have the zoladex implant that is inhibiting all t this may help bring back some energy since my only source of t now is what the rest of my endocrine system can produce.
All in all the more doctors I see the more I think I know more about this stuff than most of them do!
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 01, 2019, 05:55:14 PM
Today I went for most surgery check and learned a few things.
1) The doctor (not my usual) was very open but had obviously never seen many trans patients.
2) The incision is healing fine
3) The nerve pain could possibly take up to a few months to go away!
I also talked to him about progesterone and while he did not know all that much about it he agreed it could possibly help with energy and breast development since I am at tanner stage four at this point. So he prescribed a months worth on a really low dose for a trial to see if it helps.
My experience with progesterone creams (over the counter) is that they do seem to have a positive effect. I'm hoping that since I still have the zoladex implant that is inhibiting all t this may help bring back some energy since my only source of t now is what the rest of my endocrine system can produce.
All in all the more doctors I see the more I think I know more about this stuff than most of them do!
I am glad that the healing is progressing well. Good to hear. :)
Chrissy
Ok, progesterone is great. Like a switch. No energy, ENERGY. Don't even feel as much pain and the pain killers have worn off. Also the stitches are falling apart this is a good day.
OK today went well. Showered no faintness or dizzyness leaning over. Went shopping for an hour with some strategic parking and while I'm tired and know I need to rest now I did fine. No pain or pain killers today. I halved the dose of progesterone as compared to yesterday (cause I felt like I was flying half the day!) and its good. Gives me energy but doesn't cause too much breast pain or distracts me with sheer... buzziness. Think I'll hold on that for a while and see if the effect continues. I find myself a bit clearer in my thinking as well. The loss of testosterone has led to my facial hair growth slowing by at least 80% so I suspect shadow won't be visible for at least 3 days. Of course I still hate it and till laser clears the last of it shaving every morning continues... finding something to shave can a mission sometimes.
The stitches continue to dissolve. The incision looks nicely sealed but fragile. Continued caution is the way forward. Bruising is fading and everything functions as it always has... so much for needing testosterone!
I got some really slim fitting skinny jeans as I've lost a lot of weight and its getting colder. They fit! Size 14 skinny jeans are perfect. With no balls there is no need to tuck and the rest just squishes up into a shapeless mass. I asked the doctor to clear me for a return to work in the middle of next week as I as yet have neither the stamina nor the strength to do my job as yet. This is inline with two weeks out (would be 2 weeks exactly next Tuesday)
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 02, 2019, 06:25:55 PM
OK today went well. Showered no faintness or dizzyness leaning over. Went shopping for an hour with some strategic parking and while I'm tired and know I need to rest now I did fine. No pain or pain killers today. I halved the dose of progesterone as compared to yesterday (cause I felt like I was flying half the day!) and its good. Gives me energy but doesn't cause too much breast pain or distracts me with sheer... buzziness. Think I'll hold on that for a while and see if the effect continues. I find myself a bit clearer in my thinking as well. The loss of testosterone has led to my facial hair growth slowing by at least 80% so I suspect shadow won't be visible for at least 3 days. Of course I still hate it and till laser clears the last of it shaving every morning continues... finding something to shave can a mission sometimes.
The stitches continue to dissolve. The incision looks nicely sealed but fragile. Continued caution is the way forward. Bruising is fading and everything functions as it always has... so much for needing testosterone!
I got some really slim fitting skinny jeans as I've lost a lot of weight and its getting colder. They fit! Size 14 skinny jeans are perfect. With no balls there is no need to tuck and the rest just squishes up into a shapeless mass. I asked the doctor to clear me for a return to work in the middle of next week as I as yet have neither the stamina nor the strength to do my job as yet. This is inline with two weeks out (would be 2 weeks exactly next Tuesday)
Congrats that you seem to be over the pain hill now!
Not to have to bother with tucking is sure nice, isn't it. You can almost create a "camel toe" appearance if you arrange the remaining skin properly. After all, it is now nothing but a fused labia minor!
Yesterday I tried to be active for half the day. I'm paying for it today. I was going to attend a funeral tomorrow, but with a one hour drive there, the service, a one hour drive back with my kids on board its not smart. The drive to the Doctor office 2 days ago had me tired and that was 20 minutes one way. In addition its my turn to watch the kids this weekend (friday night, saturday morning only fortunately) so I'm being smart and saying I physically can't do all that and bring harm on myself or my kids.
I definitely still feel that the minimal dose of progesterone I've been taking is helping with energy and mental clarity. The biggest issue I have at the moment is that in the mornings I feel very physically able but I know I'm not recovered enough to do the things I feel tempted to do!
I have learned a lot about physical limitations these last few weeks...
It is amazing what it can do to one just cutting those two little balls away, isn't it! Car driving was also very hard on me even two weeks after surgery. I do't know why, but it took me down very fast each time!
I am still seem to tire out faster now than I did before I was on testosterone blockers, so those T babies must do something E alone can't achieve, but I also don't sleep as well during the night as I did before. I am looking forward to be put on progesterone and hope that will make me a little less tired. I have a hard time to get through my day without taking a nap in the early afternoon. I am lucky that I can afford to Interrupt my days with naps, but sometimes it is hard to arrange my social life around those needs for naps! But I know quite a few cis women of my age who also need to nap in the afternoon.
Could it be that this is a post menopausal woman thing? Our hormones are very similar?
Quote from: Dietlind on April 03, 2019, 02:43:40 PM
It is amazing what it can do to one just cutting those two little balls away, isn't it! Car driving was also very hard on me even two weeks after surgery. I do't know why, but it took me down very fast each time!
I am still seem to tire out faster now than I did before I was on testosterone blockers, so those T babies must do something E alone can't achieve, but i also don't sleep as well during the night I did before. I am looking forward to be put on progesterone and help hat will make me a little less tired. I have a hard time to get through my day without taking a nap in the early afternoon. I am lucky that I can afford to Interrupt my days with naps, but sometimes it is hard to arrange my social life around those needs for naps! But I know quite a few cis women of my age who also need to nap in the afternoon.
Could it be that this is a post menopausal woman thing? Our hormones are very similar?
Don't think so my e level is quite respectable. My biggest issue is the fact my blocker is implanted and it will keep going for two months so what t I do make is being blocked!
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 03, 2019, 02:47:51 PM
Don't think so my e level is quite respectable. My biggest issue is the fact my blocker is implanted and it will keep going for two months so what t I do make is being blocked!
Can't they remove it? Anything that was put in, can be taken out again!
Quote from: Dietlind on April 03, 2019, 05:14:41 PM
Can't they remove it? Anything that was put in, can be taken out again!
Good luck finding it! Its all good its only a few months.
Bad nerve pains last night and a cat who decided to step exactly where he shouldn't. A less than awesome night...
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 04, 2019, 04:44:04 PM
Bad nerve pains last night and a cat who decided to step exactly where he shouldn't. A less than awesome night...
I don't get that with your nerve pains? I had not any nerve pains at all! Are you having some kind of phantom pain? Where is the location or the perceived location of that pain?
Quote from: Dietlind on April 04, 2019, 09:18:17 PM
I don't get that with your nerve pains? I had not any nerve pains at all! Are you having some kind of phantom pain? Where is the location or the perceived location of that pain?
You are lucky. The original nerve connections to the testicles. they retreated upward a bit and are now sitting there stewing and firing randomly. Till they shut down it will continue. Its not phantom pain rather the nerves not being connected to the bits that aren't there anymore.
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 04, 2019, 09:21:45 PM
You are lucky. The original nerve connections to the testicles. they retreated upward a bit and are now sitting there stewing and firing randomly. Till they shut down it will continue. Its not phantom pain rather the nerves not being connected to the bits that aren't there anymore.
I asked my surgeon to cauterize everything in there to prevent these pains. The cauterization terminated those nerves, and they are now not "looking" for information anymore!
Quote from: Dietlind on April 04, 2019, 09:53:27 PM
I asked my surgeon to cauterize everything in there to prevent these pains. The cauterization terminated those nerves, and they are now not "looking" for information anymore!
Guess they just cut them in my case... oh well it will pass eventually.
I'm feeling almost normal again. Still some twinges and definitely a lack of my usual bounce but I should be good to work again next week. I know thats going to leave me drained but at least its possible again.
All the stitches have now fallen out and the incision looks very good. I got some creme to help it show less as a scar and hopefully help come SRS time. I was able to get half a day of normal function today but then the warning pains came creeping back. Still its the first day of relatively normal function so bonus!
I went for a walk in the forest with my girl friend this morning. The energy felt... welcoming and healing. I still only lasted 20 minutes before the pain crept in but I have missed being in closer touch with nature. I'm going to get progressively longer walks going to get my strength back.
Sorting through my clothes as I tidied up at my new home I found a nice strapless party dress I purchased 5 months back at good will. I looked at it then and went LOL I can't wear that. Well today I did and I looked in the mirror and went wow... then my gf saw it and couldn't take her eyes off... :)
For the first time ever I feel really attractive and beautiful. The voices in my head that say oh no you can't do this, or you can't wear that are gone and are replaced by confidence. Life is good.
As Alaskan Danielle is busy I will say this for her, forum rules say a photo or it didn't happen!!!!
Quote from: davina61 on April 07, 2019, 02:49:58 AM
As Alaskan Danielle is busy I will say this for her, forum rules say a photo or it didn't happen!!!!
Not that one... Susan's is a PG place :p
I was a bit naughty and moved a closet around to tidy up the house yesterday. I didn't collapse in pain afterwards but there were warning signs. I have two days leave left then back to work so I guess I should let my body rest as much as I can...
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/VCofA6
Think I've made some progress...
Wow! Looking great. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
First day back at work. I have some high end pain killers with me just in case!
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 09, 2019, 02:10:35 PM
First day back at work. I have some high end pain killers with me just in case!
How did it go?
I still don't get it with your nerve pan!
But good luck for the upcoming work week!
Linde
Quote from: Dietlind on April 09, 2019, 06:47:27 PM
How did it go?
I still don't get it with your nerve pan!
But good luck for the upcoming work week!
Linde
Lasted two hours, almost fainted several times. Not up to my job at the moment.
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 09, 2019, 07:51:08 PM
Lasted two hours, almost fainted several times. Not up to my job at the moment.
I hope they can make some special accommodations for you. Ask your doc to write a work restriction slip following the ADA requirements!
Quote from: Dietlind on April 09, 2019, 08:05:51 PM
I hope they can make some special accommodations for you. Ask your doc to write a work restriction slip following the ADA requirements!
I have 3 more days off and then two weeks of school holiday so it should be ok.
Well.. today opened my eyes a bit
1) Two weeks wasn't enough to let me recover enough to do my job
2) Work is very supportive and I have the sick leave to cover
3) School holidays are coming next week. Which gives me time to recover
4) I found a supportive GP who has put progesterone on the long term meds list.
So actually not a bad day overall.
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 10, 2019, 12:40:41 AM
Well.. today opened my eyes a bit
1) Two weeks wasn't enough to let me recover enough to do my job
2) Work is very supportive and I have the sick leave to cover
3) School holidays are coming next week. Which gives me time to recover
4) I found a supportive GP who has put progesterone on the long term meds list.
So actually not a bad day overall.
To be honest, it took me 3 to 4 weeks to be back to my old self (kind of, sans T but with more E). It is amazing what the removal of those two little things takes out of one, isn't it? It will get better, once the extra E has a chance to kick in, with me it was in the 3rd week, when I got this strong feminine feeling, and I felt better all around!
Quote from: Dietlind on April 10, 2019, 09:22:23 AM
To be honest, it took me 3 to 4 weeks to be back to my old self (kind of, sans T but with more E). It is amazing what the removal of those two little things takes out of one, isn't it? It will get better, once the extra E has a chance to kick in, with me it was in the 3rd week, when I got this strong feminine feeling, and I felt better all around!
They do a bit more than just make T. The thing is the body expects them to be there and when they don't do their thing everything is out of balance. Right now its a combination of hormonal shifts and nerves that need to stop trying to do stuff.
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 10, 2019, 02:47:17 PM
They do a bit more than just make T. The thing is the body expects them to be there and when they don't do their thing everything is out of balance. Right now its a combination of hormonal shifts and nerves that need to stop trying to do stuff.
As I said, I never had the nerve thing you have going. My surgeon might have found a technique to avoid this. I believe it is the cauterization that did the trick, it terminated all nerves!
Still getting some pain but something has changed. I don't know exactly what. Has to do with hormone levels and biochemistry but I feel more... centered somehow. More certain of what I am doing and why I'm doing it. I feel, more me.
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 12, 2019, 12:46:48 AM
Still getting some pain but something has changed. I don't know exactly what. Has to do with hormone levels and biochemistry but I feel more... centered somehow. More certain of what I am doing and why I'm doing it. I feel, more me.
This might be a similar thing/experience, which I tried to describe as the more feminine feeling, which happened to me at about the time you are at now!
Quote from: krobinson103 on April 12, 2019, 12:46:48 AM
Still getting some pain but something has changed. I don't know exactly what. Has to do with hormone levels and biochemistry but I feel more... centered somehow. More certain of what I am doing and why I'm doing it. I feel, more me.
Lovely to hear, happy for you. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Quote from: Dietlind on April 12, 2019, 07:53:29 AM
This might be a similar thing/experience, which I tried to describe as the more feminine feeling, which happened to me at about the time you are at now!
I don't know that its a more feminine feeling more like a feeling that stuff is right. Really hard to describe but I just know things are not what they were.
A few photos from a short bush walk.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/L2p70c
Looking great in those pictures.
Quote from: mm on April 15, 2019, 08:51:18 AM
Looking great in those pictures.
Thanks I don't recognize myself anymore.
Woohoo! Down yet another size. Dress size 12 for underwear not bad. :)
Well a little selection of photos... quite a change!
https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/o249As
I'm looking into some more surgery options as I'm not happy with the speed of the feedback coming from India. I'm not sure what else there is left to do except change my birth certificate which lies low down on priority list.
When I awoke after the operation I knew I needed to go that last step and get srs, but, I also knew that everything else just felt right! Since a few days ago the pain has almost gone and my usual energy is returning. I don't feel dysphoric in the least, and, it feels like I've crossed a line at which I can be happy.
I like my body, like how things have developed with family, like how things are going with Alicia. Work is fine. I don't know that there is much else to resolve at the moment. This document may have served its purpose.
Its been one heck of a ride! Bit like a freight train with no brakes running down a very steep hill. So many things have changed that I find I stand at the place even I would have called impossible 2 years ago. Thanks for all the support along the way and hopefully this document has some use to others considering transition. I'm sure there will be a whole new step when I finally get some action and dates for srs but for now I might as well as finish as I started.
I have no regrets about yesterday. Today is a totally awesome day. Tomorrow will be a totally awesome day. You just have to have a vision and the courage to face your fears and just about anything is possible.