Tonight I couldn't think of a good subject to write on. I however started listening to my music collection figuring that while I listened something would probably come to me. Just for giggles I started looking up the words to the songs via Google which is the best search engine on the net. I noticed many of my songs have portions that struck either my situation or my personality to the core. I will list segments of some of the song below and try to say what it is that makes it fit so well.
"Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday"
The above verse if from the song by Everclear called Wonderful. This song is actually about a child from a broken home. The part that struck me is where he goes to bed at night and has dreams each of them causes him to smile and to feel better about his life. My life may not be the happiest but it does have its good moments. Dreams of which I remember few are some of my happiest moments. If anything I wish I could remember more of my dreams in greater depth. I may start trying to write about any dreams I remember when I wake up in the mornings and we can post some of them here.
"No day, no night, no moment
Can hold me back from trying
I'll flag, I'll fall, I'll falter
I'll find my day may be Far and Away
Far and Away"
This one is from Enya's Shepherd moon album. It's from the song entitled "Book of days." I think this best describes my journey to transition. While things in my life may hold me back from becoming the woman I am inside outside it will never stop me totally.
"Times are far between, and few I bet, when we
can look upon our lives without regret. Of all
the things I have done, you think I'm proud of
everyone without exception? 'Till you make
your peace with yesterday, you'll never build a
future. I swear by what I say. Whatever penance
you do, decide what it's worth to you and then
respect it. However long it will take to weather
your mistakes, why not accept it?"
We now discuss Stockton gala days by 10,000 Maniacs back when Natalie Merchant was the lead singer. Most of us have some measure of regret in our lives the problem is that this regret does little for you except to hold you back thus keeping you from your journey in life. There have been times when each of us tried to purge and to suppress ourselves. We put at much distance between our true selves and our so-called reality. This is unhealthy and can lead you to a break down. We are at the mercy of multiple tides each pulling at our sanity. We can only continue on our journey when you accept your life as it is and as it's handed to you. Most of us have no choice in the trip we have embarked it as it was decided from our earliest moments in life.
"I knew what I had to do but I made myself this
solemn vow. That I's gonna be a lady someday
Though I didn't know when or how
I couldn't see spending the rest of my life
With my head hung down in shame."
This is from Reba McEntire's song fancy. It is one of my favorite songs by her. In this song a young girl is told by her mother to do what it takes to improve her life. I have made myself take a similar vow with my life and I haven't regretted it at all either.
"How I've learned to hide, how I've locked inside,
you'd be surprised if shown. But you'll never,
you'll never know."
The above section from 10,000 Maniacs Stockton Gala days describes most married transgender individuals. If you are married perhaps you should think about the secrets you and your Significant other might have buried deep inside each other. Take some time and draw them out.
"I walk the maze of moments but everywhere
I turn to begins a new beginning but never
finds a finish. I walk to the horizon and there
I find another it all seems so surprising and
then I find that I know."
This is from the title song of Enya's anywhere is album. This song demonstrates that there is no final destination in life. Basically life is a series of goal points which change and shift with the passage of time and distance from the starting point. The transsexual (TS) thinks that my goal is hormone therapy (HRT). The TS on HRT thinks my goal is gender reassignment surgery (GRS). Goals never end they just morph into another path to lead your life down.
"Long ago a young man sits and plays his waiting
game But things are not the same it seems as in
such tender dreams Slowly passing sailing ships
and Sunday afternoon Like people on the moon
I see are things not meant to be"
James Taylor writes such lovely music and this is not the least of his songs. Long ago and far away is a winsome melody describes the dreaming of dreams and the loneliness many of us experience in our daily lives. This loneliness comes even with a loved one close at hand as they may not be able to understand or even aware of the situation causing the sadness.
"It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this--
It's centrifugal motion
It's pertpetual bliss.
It's that pivotal moment
It's ahhh Impossible"
The above is the closest words that I have seen describe the feeling you experience when you come out of the closet to someone and they support or even just understand you condition and situation. My description of it a long time ago was a huge weight in your stomach as you told someone then as they accepted you for you a rocket shooting to space through your heart. The song was by Faith Hill titled This kiss.
"I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser; I'm a winner
I am steady and unstable
I'm young, but I am able"
That's who I am by Jessica Andrews in my opinion describes the duality of feeling we have all experienced in our lives. We can go from high to low in moments. The song and the part I love about it is about a young woman who knows no matter what happens her family and friends will still love her and she knows who she is. A feeling we all need to acquire in our own lives.
"Well I got that deer in the headlights look
She read my face like the cover of a book
She said don't expect me to believe all that static"
If you have ever been discovered dressing or dressed can understand this section from the song "That's my story" by Collin Raye. It's not a fun experience but it is usually one that can strengthen you later in life.
"People see me I'm a challenge to your balance
I'm over your heads how I confound you and
astound you to know I must be one of the
wonders of God's own creation and as far as
you see you can offer me no explanation"
Wonder by Natalie merchant is a song which could be used as means to understand how others may view the transgender individual. We shock people's sensibilities even though that is not our intentions. We can amaze people with our courage. We can even disgust people though they are usually few and far between. Most people I have come out of the closet to at least to my face accept me and that's all I really care about.
"But making mistakes Is a part
Of life's imperfections Born of
the years Is it so wrong To be
human after all"
Level 42 has this song called something about you which acts as a good description and a good argument to those who condemn us for our lives. The person who thinks that we are simply depraved individuals who choose to be as we are. Sometimes someone who hates you needs to be reminded that you are still a human being.
"Last night I dreamed I'd died And stood
outside those pearly gates and suddenly,
I realized There must be some mistake. If
they know half the things I've done They'll
never let me in. Then somewhere from the
other side I heard these words again. They
said Let me tell you a secret about a father's
love. A secret that my daddy said was just
between us. You see daddies don't just love
their children every now and then. It's a love
without end, amen/ It's a love without end,
amen."
George Strait's song A fathers love is I think one of the better visualizations of gods love for his children. All of them including the transgendered. While many people do not believe in god I can not disbelieve in him even though I am normally a skeptical person. A universe where things are totally left to chance just is not a place I wish to be. Without my faith I might have left this world a long time ago however my faith has given me the strength to hang on.
Enya - "Anywhere is" from "The Memory Of Trees" CD, track 02.
Quote
I walk to the horizon
And there I find another
It all seems so surprising
And then I find that I know
Quote
I wonder if the stars sign
the life that is to be mine
And would they let their light shine
Enough for me to follow
Dovetails into a line from the corus "I go there I'll lose my way"
Quote
To leave the thread of all time
And let it make a dark line
In hopes That I can Still Find
The way back to the moment
I took the turn and turned to
Begin a new beginning
Still looking for the answer
I cannot find the finish
It's either this or that way
It's one way or the other
It should be one direction
It could be on reflection
Transition and life in general.
Quote
The turn I have just taken
The turn that I was making
I might be just beginning
I might be near the end.
I've very fond of "Anywhere is", though I think "Lothlórien" is my favorite Enya song.
Quote from: 4years on June 11, 2005, 06:01:24 AM
Enya - "Anywhere is" from "The Memory Of Trees" CD, track 02.
Dovetails into a line from the corus "I go there I'll lose my way"
Transition and life in general.
I've very fond of "Anywhere is", though I think "Lothlórien" is my favorite Enya song.
I love Enya in general. If you have an ipod and/or use Itunes Apple's music store it has a great deal. 50 enya songs including her most popular hits for just $9.99. Apple allows you to burn each song 3 times to music cd's. It's a deal you just can't beat. Enya's music has the uncanny ability to reach in and lift up the soul, well mine at least :). It's strange how easily some songs, or artists can change your mental state and mood to such a great extent.
Caroline by Concrete Blonde
I hear you're driving
Someone else's car now...
She said you came and
Took your stuff away -
All the poetry, and the trunk
You kept your life in -
I knew that it would
Come to that someday...
Like a sad hallucination,
When I opened up my eyes,
The train had passed the station,
And you were trapped inside...
Yet I never wonder where you went,
I only wonder why,
I wonder why...
Oh caroline
Oh, whoa-oh caroline
Oh, oh caroline
Whoa whoa whoa, caroline
Well I hear you're using someone else's number;
She said she saw you in the store today.
It doesn't matter whose address
You're listed under,
I only know they'll never make you stay.
Like a memory in motion,
You were only passing through...
That is all you've ever known of life,
That's all you'll ever do.
There's a dream I have where I sail away;
Looking back I wave at you,
And I wave goodbye...
Oh caroline
Oh, oh whoa oh, caroline
Oh, oh caroline
Oh
In another life I see you
As an angel flying high,
And the hands of time will free you -
You will cast your chains aside -
And the dawn will come and kiss away
Every tear that's ever fallen
From your eyes...
Behind those eyes,
I wonder
Oh, caroline... oh, oh, oh...
Oh, oh... caroline...
Sometimes I wonder...
Oh... caroline
Sometimes i,
Sometimes I wonder...
When I wrote my suicide note to my parents, thats the song I wanted them to play at my funeral. It's the closest song I have ever heard that describes how I feel. I feel like she is talking to me and it makes me sad because it's true. I am always running, always hiding, always passing through, and it makes me cry :(
Jessica
I mentioned in another thread that Enya is one of my favorite musicians. She can reach deep into my soul and move me when I listen to her. I think that I have everyone of her CD's. I didn't consider really listening to the words or even reading the words as Susan has done. Maybe there is something in them that relates to me as well and I don't realize it. To be honest I've never been that analytical when it comes to songs, may be I should be.
A little late to be replying to this, but I'll put my 2 cents in anyway since I love Enya.
I get kind of obsessive with music sometimes, so I've been listening to "A Day Without Rain" every day in my car for about 2 weeks now.
The title track is an instrumental, and it reminds me of the dawning of a day...this feeling is accentuated when I put it on at 8AM on the way to work. The morning is still misty and the rays of the sun spread through the trees so pretty, and I feel as though as all is right with the world, that it's a new beginning.
I love the whole CD, but 'Pilgrim' touches me as I always feel like I'm on a journey, especially one of self-discovery. Here are the lyrics, I've put my favorite parts in bold....
Pilgrim, how you journey
on the road you chose
to find out why the winds die
and where the stories go.
All days come from one day
that much you must know,
you cannot change what's over
but only where you go.
One way leads to diamonds,
one way leads to gold,
another leads you only
to everything you're told.
In your heart you wonder
which of these is true;
the road that leads to nowhere,
the road that leads to you.
Will you find the answer
in all you say and do?
Will you find the answer
in you?
Each heart is a pilgrim,
each one wants to know
the reason why the winds die
and where the stories go.
Pilgrim, in your journey
you may travel far,
for pilgrim it's a long way
to find out who you are...
Pilgrim, it's a long way
to find out who you are...
Pilgrim, it's a long way
to find out who you are...
Hello Valerie,
It's never too late to post to a thread, that's why they are left open. Sometimes threads can lie dormant as the current members have exhausted their thoughts and energy :), but all it takes is for someone with a different, or new view to rekindle it.
The words to that particular Enya song are beautiful and so true, and as I mentioned before she is probably my most favourite of singers, as her songs reach into my soul and tug at my heart.
Chat later
Steph
The mirror makes no sense.
A song written for transsexual men by Mark Angelo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCFHed34u_4
tink :icon_chick:
Maybe my answer does not have much to do with the subject, but I like the singer Kim Petras, and Sophie, they're both are transgender, and I love pop <3