Poll
Question:
Did you lose your SO?
Option 1: You didn't lose your SO.
votes: 16
Option 2: When you start HRT.
votes: 2
Option 3: Durning HRT.
votes: 5
Option 4: When you decided to have GRS
votes: 0
Option 5: You didn't lose your SO.
votes: 8
Many of Transsexuals start with an SO but end alone?
I'm begining to believe that I'm a transsexual and this is a important question to me and many others that are just starting this journey.
I have been told that the odds are against keep your SO. If you still have the same SO what did you do to keep them?
Thank you in advance.
Jillieann
Jillieann,
I went into my current relationship with a woman with her veiwing me as a man. That is just the way all women I have ever been involved with have viewed me. True, most think I look more like a guy, but alot of it is just the way one acts. After my top surgery in August and will soon be back of hormones, then that is all the physical man I will need to be to everyone else. Now, on the other hand I am in the middle of a easy divorde from my husband who has always understood me and figured this would happen one day. Never marry someone to please your mother I have learned. My kids will have to adjust, that is the hardest thing. I also think maybe it is harder for a woman to loose a man in this situation, because if she were ti stay that would make her a lesbian? Not good if she want a man. I was lucky I was with someone who more or less saw me for who I am on the inside, not the outside. Just the same, I would not stay with him or that would make us gay. Plus I never loved him.Can't love a man that way.
Marco
That's a tough one to answer for me. I came out to my wife, was already planning on going all the way to GRS, started hormones, etc. However, there wasn't one event that triggered it. As I came to find out, our marriage was going to end regardless of what I did. But since I found out after starting HRT, I will choose the "during" (Durning?) option.
Melissa
None of the above.
I had an SO and decided to end the relationship upon me coming out of denial, and this was even before starting therapy and it was the BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE.
True, I'm actually happy about my marriage being over. I am now a free woman. :D My wife would always tell me I couldn't do this or that because I had a family to look out for. It actually felt like quite a burden. Maybe in the future I'll decide that I want to "settle down", but for now, I want to live life.
Melissa
It would really be helpful if someone who is on HRT or has went through GRS sugery and still has the same SO that they started with when they came out.
Thank you.
Jilleann, I recommend that you read Jennifer Finney Boylan's book, "She's Not There, A Life in Two Genders" ISBN 0-7679-1404-X
It is a well written book. Ms Boylan, formerly Jim Boylan, a novelist, writes about her struggles, her marriage and how it happened that she and her partner stayed together. Ironically, reading the book made me realize a lot more clearly why many marriages end under the influence of transsexualism in the family.
I've been really lucky so far and am still with my SO and I know that this could change in the future. I asked my wife to learn about what transsexualism is all about, she finished reading "True Selves" by Mildred Brown & Chloe Rounsley a week or so ago, so if she did decide to strike out on her own she would be making an informed decision, not a purely emotional one. It took her a long time to reach a point where she could read it without becomming upset, many months. I didn't remember if you mentioned going to a therapist but that would help too. My SO has gone to see mine for the past three sessions and I think that helped her too.
helen
Thank you Helen. We do both see the same therapist and do go jointly every other time now and it is helping. My wife also knows that I have a male side and a female side and they are merging.
:)
Jillieann
I actually left my SO to begin HRT and finish transitioning.
I didn't want to dishonor my wedding vows so I decide I needed to leave her. Because I knew eventually I was going to cheat on her with a man (sorry a girl likes "you know what" too much) :o ;D
When she meet me I was already transitioning (but hadn't started HRT) She convienced me in settle little ways to be the man she wanted so I did for 2 rs...But that only served to strength in my head that I did not belong there. After I left I releazed I never was "IN LOVE" with her..but I did LOVE her.
I guess I got married to try and live a "normal" life.....and that just aint for me!
Chynna
Ps. we are still friends...she calls me for fashion and make-up tips! :) ;D
Quote from: HelenW on June 05, 2006, 07:55:31 AM
Ms Boylan, formerly Jim Boylan, a novelist, writes about her struggles, her marriage and how it happened that she and her partner stayed together.
Do we know if they're still together? The book contained an odd chapter at the end (the magic shop) which made me wonder.
When I asked my wife last weekend, "Would you leave me if I started HRT?" her honest answer was, "I don't know." This was after a long discussion of their risks and consequences where SHE asked the appropriate questions.
That in itself was heart-breaking though... just facing the harsh reality that she really, truly might leave if I keep going as I am.
On the other hand, she basically said last night, "I know you're going to ask for HRT. Just say it and be done with it. You want them, right?" She wasn't mad, it was said more with a tone of acceptance, of ending the waffling back and forth. I think she's far more frustrated right now with my indecision than the actual consequences of going through with it.
QuoteDo we know if they're still together? The book contained an odd chapter at the end (the magic shop) which made me wonder.
I understood that to mean that Jenny's "wife" was gone but that Grace was still there.
helen
Greetings all,
My wife and I are still together but things are on shaky ground. My wife has known about my love of dressing in female clothes for most of our marriage.
She was somewhat Ok with this. But within the last year or two my fem emotions have grown stronger and I have expressed a desire to actually live full time as a woman. If fact I am scheduled for FFS on June the 16th. This was not something my wife wanted to hear and she became quite upset.
We have a unique relationship, we do not live together. I see my wife only once or twice a month. We live and work in different locations. It wasn't planned it just turned out this way. But it made it easy for me to dress up and be a woman anytime I wanted. I guess I have the best of both worlds.
I feel in my heart that our marriage will survive this bump in the road. I really do love my wife and I want to continue my life as a girl with her at my side.
My heart goes out to those who have lost a special loved one because of their desire to transition. I have never been able to understand why women have such an aversion to this. Maybe one day...
Love,
joanna
tink :icon_chick:
So far the polls show that 2 out of three transsexual people at Susan's have lost their SOs. Not great odds but better than I expected from all the information that I read. I have been encouraged by the polling results. There may be hope for my my marriage.
Thank you for your postings.
:)
Jillieann
It could also be that the statistics are inaccurate, because some may not have lost their SO yet. I thought I was going to keep mine until April. But, then again we didn't have any hope to begin with.
Melissa
I said durring HRT but thats not quite true... most of my end of the breakup was caused by the depression from having to stop HRT. She coudnt deal with me in that state (I cant deal with me in that state either) *shrugs* but then again shes the one that pointed out the finances and convinced me to place it on hold so......
Who could ever leave some one as affectionate as you!!! ;) I mean look the cat doesn't even want to leave your arms ;D and there finikey at best
Chynna
My SO and I are still together, although I have not started HRT. Things have been shaky at times, but are good right now. She has attended therapy with me, but this was not helpful, at least so far it hasn't been. I fear that going further will cause her to leave me, and that has been one of the few things holding me back. I don't know where things will go in the future, but, for the moment, I'm doing my best to keep things together.
Steph
no
I don't have a SO yet D: But i hope when I do I don't lose her :)
There was no more SO long before my transitioning.
mmh. my husband couldn't handle my depression or identity problems, then when i realised what was causing them, he pretty much closed off to me completely. but in my case, it was good for me to get out of that. repressing crap.
My wife and I are still together --- we have done alot of work to be there ---- We had 8 months of couples counseling before I started hormones. I have only been on hormones a month but things are still going good. We still have a counseling session once a month. We have been together 12 years so we are trying to grow old togeher
My girlfriend and I are "engaged to be engaged" as everyone else calls us. We've been dating for over 5 years now and she has known about me for about 3 of those years. I haven't really started transitioning, but she has told me that she wouldn't be able to stay if I did anything. It's really hard because I basically have to choose one or the other.
I lost a great relationship when I started transitioning, and picked up and even better one with a cute chickie about a year ago. We live together now and things are going splendid. I wouldn't change a thing.
My spouse and I became sisters after I started changing physically under HRT.
We still live together, co- parent our daughter and have pretty much an amazing relationship, albeit the dynamic change.
Not lovers, but still family! Can't complain really although I miss at times terribly what we used to have as romantic partners.
We are both open to dating and finding future romantic partners and support each other mutually in that perspective as well.
Interesting poll, I answered "no I did not loose my so" after medically transitioning with HRT / GCS.
My soul mate and I have been together now for over 35 years, and we've been through an awful lot together. Transition definitely tested our love, and commitments, however I think our bonds are stronger today, the relationship has evolved, we are more like sisters now....
I told my wife about myself best I knew then before we were married....honesty, love, and deep trust factor large in our relationship.
Cynthia -