For the last few weeks I have been severely depressed, even to the point of taking my own life. I even gave my shotgun to a close friend to hold on to for me until I pull through. I've tried prayer, talking with friends and family, and therapy. I know it is not an overnight solution and coping with depression takes time, but I also wonder how much longer I can hang on. While not consciously related to my gender identity, my therapist says my depression is most likely caused my brain getting testosterone instead of estrogen. I won't have health insurance until January, but when I do I will start HRT. I just have to hold on until then.
Is there something else I'm not doing to help pull through this depression? I feel down all the time and I'm tired of hurting. I don't want to die, but I can't stand the misery either. I just want the pain to go away.
Would it be helpful to talk to a psychologist? I had a pretty similar down period earlier this year, but I am not suicidal, I am not the type for this kind of action, I just did not want to get out of bed, and did not care about anything. I finally set up a session with a psychologist, and was helped tog et back to "normal" again.
I had to do a personal inventory earlier this week. Luckily, it went well. The next three years are going to be ok I guess. I had a medical issue that came up and I had to go on disability. One thing that keeps me going through my recovery is that while I recover, my student loans will be forgiven. It takes three years but about $70,000 will be forgiven. That is huge for me. Also, my transition should be done in three years and I will know if I male-fail to the point of presenting all of the time or not. Then I hope to reenter the workforce. I guess you could call it a non-public transition.
That is what focus on until I get a snuggle buddy. A good snuggle buddy is the best.
Quote from: GingerVicki on November 28, 2018, 09:30:30 AM
I had to do a personal inventory earlier this week. Luckily, it went well. The next three years are going to be ok I guess. I had a medical issue that came up and I had to go on disability. One thing that keeps me going through my recovery is that while I recover, my student loans will be forgiven. It takes three years but about $70,000 will be forgiven. That is huge for me. Also, my transition should be done in three years and I will know if I male-fail to the point of presenting all of the time or not. Then I hope to reenter the workforce. I guess you could call it a non-public transition.
That is what focus on until I get a snuggle buddy. A good snuggle buddy is the best.
Wow that is a nice chunk of money you do not have to pay (on the other hand, I did not pay a single penny for my education - one has to select the proper continent for this, in fact, I got even some pocket money for going to college).
I was at Walmart today, and boy did I see some real bad looking females. But none of them seem to have any doubts if they were accepted as females or not! Why can't we be like this, and not always hope that we are seen as women? Even the ugliest cis woman seems to have an aura around her that ensures that she is seen as a woman! I bet it is a learned behavior, why can't we learn this confidence?
Quote from: Dietlind on November 28, 2018, 12:28:34 PM
I was at Walmart today, and boy did I see some real bad looking females. But none of them seem to have any doubts if they were accepted as females or not! Why can't we be like this, and not always hope that we are seen as women? Even the ugliest cis woman seems to have an aura around her that ensures that she is seen as a woman! I bet it is a learned behavior, why can't we learn this confidence?
When a person is born with an assigned female sex and a female gender identity, and is raised with a female role and presentation, they will learn confidence and will simply never doubt their identity.
With a transgender person, particularly one who reached adulthood living in our assigned sex role, we generally start off with doubting our gender identity, and certainly do not have confidence in our identity as matching our assigned at birth sex, nor with what we suspect may be our true gender identity that we have suppressed.
Accepting ourselves fully and developing that confidence takes time, honestly years for everyone I've known, as we have much to unlearn as well as adapt to with our social transition. After over two years fulltime I know that I am not yet there confidence-wise, but am improving.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 28, 2018, 01:06:13 PM
Accepting ourselves fully and developing that confidence takes time, honestly years for everyone I've known, as we have much to unlearn as well as adapt to with our social transition. After over two years fulltime I know that I am not yet there confidence-wise, but am improving.
You exactly confirm my thoughts! This confidence is what we have to acquire, and not always doubt our self by looking into the mirror and trying to find an ever so little trace of masculinity there to throw us back down to the ground. As I said, some cis women could easy compete with Rambo with their facial features, but they do not even question their beauty, leave alone their gender.
There are classes for almost anything, I bet a good psychologist could develop a class called: get female confidence in two weeks!
Quote from: Dietlind on November 27, 2018, 11:16:46 PM
Would it be helpful to talk to a psychologist? I had a pretty similar down period earlier this year, but I am not suicidal, I am not the type for this kind of action, I just did not want to get out of bed, and did not care about anything. I finally set up a session with a psychologist, and was helped tog et back to "normal" again.
My therapist is helping me. She wants me to begin HRT first before I try any mental medication, because she suspects my dysphoria has a lot to do with my depression. I have good days and I have bad days. Hopefully in January I'll begin HRT and start feeling better on a more permanent basis.
Quote from: GingerVicki on November 28, 2018, 09:30:30 AM
I had to do a personal inventory earlier this week. Luckily, it went well. The next three years are going to be ok I guess. I had a medical issue that came up and I had to go on disability. One thing that keeps me going through my recovery is that while I recover, my student loans will be forgiven. It takes three years but about $70,000 will be forgiven. That is huge for me. Also, my transition should be done in three years and I will know if I male-fail to the point of presenting all of the time or not. Then I hope to reenter the workforce. I guess you could call it a non-public transition.
That is what focus on until I get a snuggle buddy. A good snuggle buddy is the best.
I too do personal inventories. I don't write them as often as I should, but I do that and some journaling as well. Those tools help, and I do have a snuggle buddy as well. Later this week I'm going to meet with a trusted friend and share my inventory with her. I've found in the past that sharing that stuff with a trusted friend helps.