Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Crossdresser talk => Topic started by: Emerald on August 27, 2006, 12:45:27 AM

Title: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Emerald on August 27, 2006, 12:45:27 AM

What is a Crossdresser?

A Crossdresser is an individual who dresses in clothing characteristic of the other sex.

The term Crossdresser does not refer to a gender identity.  Crossdressers do not see themselves as being a full time member of the other gender or other sex.  However, Crossdressers find fulfillment in the activity and often feel it is a necessary expression of themselves to become a temporary member of the other sex.

The term crossdressing describes the behavior without attributing any motives for the behavior.  In reference to a person, the term Crossdresser suggests the crossdressing behavior is compelling or habitual.

Most Crossdressers experience their first urge to wear the clothing of the other sex at an early age, puberty is typical.  Crossdressers enjoy the expression of the alternate sex or gender for a vast variety of reasons, and most often only as an occasional activity.  Their motivations for crossdressing may change over time.  Frequently, crossdressing becomes an antidote to anxiety or depression and contributes to a sense of inner peace and calm.

Crossdressers may be male or female, many having normal marriages, family lives, and careers.  They may 'purge' on occasion, disposing of their feminine attire (or, in the case of female Crossdressers, masculine attire) in the hope that their desire to crossdress will also disappear.  Crossdressers may encounter difficulties with unsupportive partners or spouses, and may be subjected to employment discrimination even if the crossdressing activity occurs solely outside the workplace.

Crossdressers cultivate the appearance of the other sex, particularly with regard to clothing.  Crossdressing behaviour may also include the use of makeup and adoption of postures, gestures and mannerisms typical of the other sex.  For most Crossdressers, crossdressing is a private form of self-expression.  Crossdressing may also be undertaken on a part-time or recreational basis, such as at clubs and social events, and may or may not have erotic significance.

Transvestite, the archaic term for Crossdresser, has largely fallen into disuse except in a few specific instances.  Current usage of transvestite refers to an individual who wears the clothing of the other sex as a fetishistic practice for sexual arousal.  The clinical term, transvestic fetishism refers to a psychiatric diagnosis.
Two key criteria are required for a diagnosis of transvestic fetishism:
   1. Recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviour, involving crossdressing.
   2. This causes clinically significant distress or impairment, whether socially, at work, or elsewhere.
Thus, transvestic fetishism is not considered to be a mental disorder unless it causes significant problems for the individual concerned.

Crossdressing is also a common behaviour among transsexual individuals to relieve their crossgender feelings.  Transsexuals dress in the attire of their core-gender as a form of gender identity self-expression.  In doing so, the motivations of a Transsexual differ markedly from the motivations of Crossdressers.

The root cause of crossdressing behaviour is unknown.  Crossdressing is not considered to be a mental disorder.  The only 'treatment' for a Crossdresser is to encourage the individual to accept their situation and lifelong need to crossdress.

It is estimated that Crossdressers comprise 5% of the adult male population.  Female Crossdressers are thought to be more rare than male, but this may be erroneous.  Since crossdressing behaviour in females is not prohibited in modern Western societies, little censure is given to women who dress in clothing characteristic of the male sex.  Females who are observed wearing mens clothing are often considered to be individualistic and stylishly attired.

-Emerald  :icon_mrgreen:
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: amberwish on August 27, 2006, 02:59:26 AM
only 5 percent?  how many have done it and wont or cant say that they have.  thats 5 percent i dont mind belonging to.   :) 
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Buffy on August 27, 2006, 04:01:47 AM
Hi Emerald,

There is also a stigma associated with cross dressing, that cannot be ignored.

Men dressing in Female clothing is sociably more unacceptable than Women dressing in mens clothing?

Girls for instance growing up are considered "tom boys" if they have short hair, wear trousers and dress "boyishly"... But boys are not afforded this luxury, even my nurses outfit was banned!

I also think that it is still considered by many to be "perverted" that men should dress in womens clothes and is still associated in many cases with sexual acts such as masturbation. I am not really sure what sexual thrill women would get out of cross dressing?

Becky

Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Bdnewgirl on August 28, 2006, 02:21:42 PM
Darn I'm up in the five Percent. I will have to try something else to be differant  ;D
Interesting Emerald

Love and Hugs
Brandi
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Kate on August 28, 2006, 06:32:04 PM
Quote from: Emerald on August 27, 2006, 12:45:27 AM
A Crossdresser is an individual who dresses in clothing characteristic of their opposite sex.

The catch - as with the "What is a transsexual?" thread - is do we group people by what they do? Or by their motivations?

Under this definition, many of whom we typically consider "transsexuals" would also be crossdressers (at least before they transition). And while I suppose it's accurate to say that they are crossdressing (wearing clothing opposite of physical anatomy), it's sounds wrong to label them as crossdressers.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: sheila18 on September 08, 2006, 02:11:35 AM
emerald:
yes evrytime i dress up at work for 1st time, next week the women up the ante. The complements are great!

KAte:
  yes, we discussed this awhile back about boxing and labeling .. i can see it could create a stratafied class system where those with full SRS are at the top and crossdressers at bottom ...i said could.
sheila18
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: nikki on December 10, 2006, 03:56:49 AM
                Wow!! this sounds just like me, when I was little I would wear my Mom's pantyhose sometimes and liked it,but always kept to myself.As I got older I still wanted to.So I would get a few things here and there,But then I thought there was something wrong with me, so I would throw all my stuff away.But I Would come back to it, because I enjoy and feel good when I crossdress.And now I finally figured out that there's nothing wrong with me, I like to dress as a woman and it makes me happy.I don't do it all the time,but I do like to dress up alot.Then I got tired of keeping this secret to myself and being sad because I'm not being me.And now I have finally told my wife how I really feel  and were kinda haveing issues about it now.She said at first she was gonna support me no matter what,but she's not supporting me a whole lot right now. :'(
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Jillieann Rose on December 10, 2006, 06:32:45 AM
Oh Nikki I'm so sorry for you. I does hurt but give her time.
:'( :'(
Jillieann/JR
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Julie Marie on December 10, 2006, 09:47:58 AM
Quote from: Emerald on August 27, 2006, 12:45:27 AM
It is estimated that Crossdressers comprise 5% of the adult male population.

-Emerald  :icon_mrgreen:

Interesting the definition refers only to MTF.  Some time ago a TG therapist, who is well studied in things TG, told me that MTF and FTM TGs are pretty even in numbers.  The reason FTMs aren't as noticed is it's socially acceptable for women to wear men's clothing.  So you don't know if a natal female is wearing male clothing because it's considered normal attire or to present onesself as male.

Julie
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Lyric on December 16, 2006, 02:25:21 PM
Good idea for a discussion, but I think some important distinctions need to be made. I once started a running list and noted every reason a person might "crossdress". I based it on news stories, TV shows, movies, as well as my own imagination. After the list past 200, it became clear that "crossdressing" is not a term that describes a lifestyle, but simply an action-- done for scores of different reasons. People have crossdressed to join armies, to avoid the draft, as a prank, for Halloween-- as well as because they feel they were born in the wrong body, or they do not identify with the typical male persona, etc.

While I a am bigendered male, myself. "Crossdressing" is something I do.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Emerald on December 16, 2006, 09:29:25 PM

What a coincidence!
The updated and expand revision to "What is a Crossdresser?" is very nearly finished. I've been working on the project for some time now. I hope it meets your high expectations Lyric, and that it fully addresses the comments and concerns of the previous posters on this thread.

Stay tuned!
-Emerald  :icon_mrgreen:


Posted on: December 16, 2006, 07:16:21 PM

Tada! :icon_mrhappy:

-Emerald  :icon_mrgreen:
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Ricki on December 16, 2006, 11:01:33 PM
Nikki,
hang in there  
QuoteShe said at first she was gonna support me no matter what,but she's not supporting me a whole lot right now. Cry
we've almost all had friends or loved ones or family members that said these promise to us and betrayed us!  I love my sister but she hurt me worse than anyone with her shallow promises for the future....The perso at one time i was counting on the most..
Had to lok elsewhere for support!
Never married or had kids thank God so i do not have that haven to worry after
Good luck and let us know how things are going'
Ricki
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: RachelRay on January 03, 2007, 06:21:46 PM
Quote from: nikki on December 10, 2006, 03:56:49 AM
                Wow!! this sounds just like me, when I was little I would wear my Mom's pantyhose sometimes and liked it,but always kept to myself.As I got older I still wanted to.So I would get a few things here and there,But then I thought there was something wrong with me, so I would throw all my stuff away.But I Would come back to it, because I enjoy and feel good when I crossdress.And now I finally figured out that there's nothing wrong with me, I like to dress as a woman and it makes me happy.I don't do it all the time,but I do like to dress up alot.Then I got tired of keeping this secret to myself and being sad because I'm not being me.And now I have finally told my wife how I really feel  and were kinda haveing issues about it now.She said at first she was gonna support me no matter what,but she's not supporting me a whole lot right now. :'(
Hi Nikki....  Thats exactly how my girlfriend is now...   something has changed her feelings about my dressing...  she was ok with it for a while.. but now she would rather I didn't dress around her anymore....? 
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: kimdp999 on January 09, 2007, 09:31:48 PM
I'd really like to caution anyone dating, who may eventually marry a girlfriend who appears to be "supportive".  The sweet innocent, supportive, (sometimes encouraging me to xdress) girl I married, broke my heart, and threatened to blackmail and ruin my career in order to get her way during the divorce 4 1/2 yrs later.  She turned out to be the most evil, vindictive, heartless person I've ever known.  Her rationale for the divorce was, "you never heard me", and "I'm not attracted to you anymore" (because I xdress, and I didn't even do it in her presence after she decided it bothered her).  The worst thing I did to her in our marriage was tell her that her career choice would not support the lifestyle she wanted us to live, and our income would not be sufficient (I made $80K and she made $20K).  The reality is she wanted greener pastures and other men.  Thank god we didn't have kids......

Kim
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Ricki on January 12, 2007, 06:48:23 PM
Wow kimd.. what a horror story weep weep 4-you!
I'm glad you did not have childen either that could of been really ugly!
I do not know but i agree those promises seem to change as the times change and they are meaningless.. Like i said in one post i would rather have someone say i cannot promise anything but I'll try.. I would be more at ease with a disappointment then...
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Melinda on January 20, 2007, 10:44:42 PM
Quote from: Kate on August 28, 2006, 06:32:04 PM
Quote from: Emerald on August 27, 2006, 12:45:27 AM
A Crossdresser is an individual who dresses in clothing characteristic of their opposite sex.

The catch - as with the "What is a transsexual?" thread - is do we group people by what they do? Or by their motivations?

Under this definition, many of whom we typically consider "transsexuals" would also be crossdressers (at least before they transition). And while I suppose it's accurate to say that they are crossdressing (wearing clothing opposite of physical anatomy), it's sounds wrong to label them as crossdressers.
In reality I would rather be labeled as a Transsexual, than a Crossdresser-As a male it often times is stereotyped as being a gay man  ::)  even though most are not (does it really matter, prolly not). Thats just me though.....I wear girls clothes almost full time and things S. the border are kinda small maybe that falls into the transsexual catagoery.   But I was always taught that women are supposed to wear womens clothing, lke skirts long and short, dresses, gowns and you get the idea and men wear mens stuff, pants and the such, theres not too much complication being man.   The only thing that I can think of that is remotely close to a Misses mini skirt is a Scottish Kilt worn by men with funny socks  ;D .   

But then again "women dressing" in "mens clothing"-its a form of crossdressing isnt it ???
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: gennee on January 30, 2007, 07:34:41 AM
I refer to myself as a transvestite. It feels right for me personally. I know about all the negative connotations associated with it but it doesn't matter what others think about me. Dressing is definitely not a fetish as I wear some piece of women's clothing all the time.

I'm wearing panties (which I do always) and a bra at the present time. I dress up 1-3 times a week. Dressing is a part of my life and who I am. I came out to my spouse last year. At first she was shocked and dismayed. Now we share tops, skirts, blouses, and dresses. She doesn't totally approve, but she doesn't stop me from dressing. At home, I wear a blouse or cami.

I started dressing only two years ago at age 56. I guess this was always inside of me and it was time for it to blossom. I never struggled with gender issues nor had the desire to wear women's clothing as a youth. I'm still evolving as a transgender and a transvestite. I can visualize myself as a full time transvestite in the future.

Gennee
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: BeverlyAnn on February 13, 2007, 02:08:12 PM
Wow Emerald, why couldn't you ask something easy like the meaning of life?   :D  OK, here goes.  A crossdresser is a transgendered person who can be happy with occasionally satisfying the need to live as a member of the opposite sex for varying periods of time.  I do tend to agree with Lyric that it is an action, it does not describe the person.  Through association with Southern Comfort Conference and running the Big Brother/Big Sister program for conference newcomers for a number of years, I've met TG people from all over the world and the stories are as varied as the people.  Married, single, living together, straight, bi or gay, supportive spouses, ambivalent spouses and spouses that find their cross gender behavior totally unacceptable, they all share one thing in common.  A duality in their person.  Some can be happy with only living that need once a year at a conference, some on a monthly basis, some weekly and some as often as possible.

Perhaps a better question is what causes the crossdressing action.  Most of us know that a fetus, whether XX or XY starts out in the womb female.  At a certain point, the XY chromosome causes a hormone wash that masculinizes the fetus.  If the hormone wash occurs at the correct time, the person will be single gendered male.  Mind and body agree.  But if the hormone wash occurs late, the brain continues developing as a female brain until the wash does occur.  Let the wash occur a little late and you have a bigendered person who has both a masculine and feminine nature, i.e. a transgendered person who crossdresses.  If the wash occurs even later, you have a person with a masculine body at war with a feminine brain, i.e. a transgendered person who has no choice but to transition so that mind and body match.  I wish could cite the source on this but I know it was based on Dutch research that shows that certain parts of transsexual brains match those of genetic females.

Now for those who said their wives or girlfriends were at first supportive but have backed off some, as a suggestion, check your own behavior.  Sometimes with coming out to someone and not having to keep your secret inside, their is a sense of euphoria that can cause you to behave a little differently.  A friend once described this, for lack of a better term, as "The Attack of the 16 Year Old Girl."   Her statement was that you begin behaving like a teenage girl and that your significant other does not know how to handle it.  She would expect this behavior from a teenage daughter, she does not expect it from you.  I know as after my first conference I suffered this attack myself.  Having gone from NEVER appearing in public on Wednesday to walking into the Hard Rock Cafe on Thursday night, it was almost like a drug.  After a period of about 3 months, my wife was about ready to kill me or divorce me depending on whether she could reach a weapon or a lawyer first.   ;)  If you find that your behavior has changed to something like this, back off a little and give them time to adjust.

Bev
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: gennee on February 14, 2007, 09:12:59 AM
Quote from: BeverlyAnn on February 13, 2007, 02:08:12 PM
Wow Emerald, why couldn't you ask something easy like the meaning of life?   :D  OK, here goes.  A crossdresser is a transgendered person who can be happy with occasionally satisfying the need to live as a member of the opposite sex for varying periods of time.  I do tend to agree with Lyric that it is an action, it does not describe the person.  Through association with Southern Comfort Conference and running the Big Brother/Big Sister program for conference newcomers for a number of years, I've met TG people from all over the world and the stories are as varied as the people.  Married, single, living together, straight, bi or gay, supportive spouses, ambivalent spouses and spouses that find their cross gender behavior totally unacceptable, they all share one thing in common.  A duality in their person.  Some can be happy with only living that need once a year at a conference, some on a monthly basis, some weekly and some as often as possible.

Perhaps a better question is what causes the crossdressing action.  Most of us know that a fetus, whether XX or XY starts out in the womb female.  At a certain point, the XY chromosome causes a hormone wash that masculinizes the fetus.  If the hormone wash occurs at the correct time, the person will be single gendered male.  Mind and body agree.  But if the hormone wash occurs late, the brain continues developing as a female brain until the wash does occur.  Let the wash occur a little late and you have a bigendered person who has both a masculine and feminine nature, i.e. a transgendered person who crossdresses.  If the wash occurs even later, you have a person with a masculine body at war with a feminine brain, i.e. a transgendered person who has no choice but to transition so that mind and body match.  I wish could cite the source on this but I know it was based on Dutch research that shows that certain parts of transsexual brains match those of genetic females.

Now for those who said their wives or girlfriends were at first supportive but have backed off some, as a suggestion, check your own behavior.  Sometimes with coming out to someone and not having to keep your secret inside, their is a sense of euphoria that can cause you to behave a little differently.  A friend once described this, for lack of a better term, as "The Attack of the 16 Year Old Girl."   Her statement was that you begin behaving like a teenage girl and that your significant other does not know how to handle it.  She would expect this behavior from a teenage daughter, she does not expect it from you.  I know as after my first conference I suffered this attack myself.  Having gone from NEVER appearing in public on Wednesday to walking into the Hard Rock Cafe on Thursday night, it was almost like a drug.  After a period of about 3 months, my wife was about ready to kill me or divorce me depending on whether she could reach a weapon or a lawyer first.   ;)  If you find that your behavior has changed to something like this, back off a little and give them time to adjust.

Bev

I behaved like a teenager when I started dressing. I had kind of a sexy and slutty look. I mellowed out a lot after a few months. Now, I have a whole different attitude, a mature one.

Gennee
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: SOofaCD on February 16, 2007, 02:11:29 PM
I hope it's ok to post in this thread.  If not, then I appologize in advance.  When I saw the topic of this thread I had to read it.  I am a significant other and I am newly informed of my honey's needs/deisres.  I feel horrible for those of you with bad experiences with spouses/significant others.  Please, I ask that you keep something in mind.  You are very good at hiding what you feel in this area.  That is a sad necesity, and 9 times out of 10 we SOs really have no clue.  There is a huge range of emotions we feel when we first hear the news.  I, presonally, am still experiencing some of those.  As for the FTM dressing, I would suppose in the broadest sense that would be me, as well.  I despise pantyhose.  I think they're evil and only good for catching dryer lint.  I also prefer pants/jeans to skirts/dresses most of the time, though they are feminine looking in cut.  Labels are for medicine bottles.  People should be allowed to just be people.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Ricki on February 17, 2007, 06:00:45 AM
Kind words "SO" that was very nice to state all that!   :)
R
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Mia and Marq on March 13, 2007, 06:16:01 AM
5% can't possibly be right. One of the most frequent costumes men use as far as I've seen during Halloween is dressing as a woman. I believe that they are just taking advantage of the opportunity to dress up without any sort of social problems from anyone.

Also I've heard that being dressed as a woman in sexual situations is a fantasy of a significant number of men. I suppose again it falls with them having a means of achieving the effect without having to deal with the negative attention.

Also in high school and college, there were a significant number of events involving crossdressing such as beauty pagents and that sort of thing for the different organizations such as Fraternities. I think people just are in denial.

I see the individuals here that consider themselves crossdressers as being just the more confident of the bunch that have begun to embrace it. The rest of the men that are prone to crossdressing just haven't accepted it yet and are hiding behind all the events mentioned above to rationize they're normal.

Who wants to be normal?

Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: debbie60 on March 15, 2007, 05:52:20 AM
:laugh:hi   your  right  to me  M T F   cross dress  is   my  joy in live  no  other feeling
like  it  but   that  is   me .  DEBBIE  ANN  ;)   
[/size]
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: emma71 on April 23, 2007, 03:42:44 PM
I haven't been here i a while. I am little by little, trying to learn and understand why a man would want to dress like a woman. It's kind of a pain in neck isn't it? I guess the drive must be so strong that you must satisfy it. I am more confused and insecure than ever. I feel like if I were sexier, my boyfriend wouldn't \need to dress...how silly, right? It is a turn off to me to even imagine him in a skirt and stockings. God, I thought this was the man for me,,,now I don't know what to do with this information. I know is goes online and looks at crossdressers. I know he is torn. He is a happy go lucky sweet man, and if anyone knew this they would not believe it. I guess I have to admit it will not go away. He told  me he doesn't do it as much, but I almost sense he would like to see me go away for a weekend.
secrets keep us....we dont keep secrets. I am so sad our relationship has changed after this info, and it is effecting me physically and emotionally.
Our love life is none...unless I initiate,,which I loved at first, but would like him to initiate and show interest.what is that? I apoligize for rambing. we live together and made a commitment. It scares me to think of the future with a secret like this to keep. emma
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Louise on May 05, 2007, 10:40:01 AM
Emma,
I hope you come back and visit us.  The very fact that you are looking for some answers shows that you have a loving concern for your boyfriend.  I can't promise any answers, just some observations from a man who has been crossdressing for about 60 years.

Quote from: emma71 on April 23, 2007, 03:42:44 PM
I am little by little, trying to learn and understand why a man would want to dress like a woman. It's kind of a pain in neck isn't it? I guess the drive must be so strong that you must satisfy it.

I don't understand why I do this either.  There are all kinds of theories, none of which I find completely satisfactory.  Even if we could understand why we do it, that would not change the fact that this is a drive that cannot be denied.  It is sometimes a pain in the neck, but it is also wonderful fun as well.

Quote from: emma71 on April 23, 2007, 03:42:44 PM
I am more confused and insecure than ever. I feel like if I were sexier, my boyfriend wouldn't \need to dress...how silly, right?

Yes, it is silly.  This is about the way he is, not about what you do.

Quote from: emma71 on April 23, 2007, 03:42:44 PM
It is a turn off to me to even imagine him in a skirt and stockings. God, I thought this was the man for me,,,now I don't know what to do with this information. I know is goes online and looks at crossdressers. I know he is torn. He is a happy go lucky sweet man, and if anyone knew this they would not believe it.

I think one of the issues you need to face here is whether or not you are feeling some sense of shame for loving a man who is a crossdresser-- "My God, what would my friends and relatives think of me if they knew I was in love with a man who likes to wear a dress." 

I have been married for almost 40 years; my wife accepts me as a crossdresser, but one of the secrets of a good relationship is learning to be sensitive to one another's feelings.  I would never want to do anything to embarrass my wife.  She knows how I feel and always compliments me on how pretty I look when I am dressed en femme.  Talk to your boyfriend.  Talk about your feelings; talk about his feelings.  Good Luck.

Louise
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Furball on June 07, 2007, 02:14:29 AM
I dress like a woman a lot...but for some reason I'm always afraid to try it in public. Is there anything anyone can suggest?
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Kate on June 07, 2007, 10:06:48 AM
Quote from: Furball on June 07, 2007, 02:14:29 AM
I dress like a woman a lot...but for some reason I'm always afraid to try it in public. Is there anything anyone can suggest?

Going to support groups is a great way to get used to it in a safe, supportive environment.

Go for a drive. Reasonably safe way to test the waters.

Try a walk through a touristy kinda town at night perhaps. Another way to see experience people's reactions.

In the end, nothing substitutes for Just Doing It. If you don't go too far into the looking sexy side of things, people generally don't care.

~Kate~
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Furball on June 07, 2007, 10:29:54 PM
Quote from: Kate on June 07, 2007, 10:06:48 AM
Quote from: Furball on June 07, 2007, 02:14:29 AM
I dress like a woman a lot...but for some reason I'm always afraid to try it in public. Is there anything anyone can suggest?

Going to support groups is a great way to get used to it in a safe, supportive environment.

Go for a drive. Reasonably safe way to test the waters.

Try a walk through a touristy kinda town at night perhaps. Another way to see experience people's reactions.

In the end, nothing substitutes for Just Doing It. If you don't go too far into the looking sexy side of things, people generally don't care.

~Kate~

See, I live in Vicksburg...And I'm no sure how the public will react, so it's kidn of scary especially with the cops that might bust me for "something unlawful"
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Renae.Lupini on June 08, 2007, 05:46:49 PM
Quote from: Kate on June 07, 2007, 10:06:48 AM
Quote from: Furball on June 07, 2007, 02:14:29 AM
I dress like a woman a lot...but for some reason I'm always afraid to try it in public. Is there anything anyone can suggest?


In the end, nothing substitutes for Just Doing It. If you don't go too far into the looking sexy side of things, people generally don't care.

~Kate~

Kate is so right with this one. Just going out there and being yourself is the best way to do it.

the next time you get dressed try putting your pants on using the opposite leg than you normally use first. It will feel funny and awkward. that is because it is not something you are used to doing. If you kept doing it, eventually it would be second nature and no longer feel strange at all. The same goes for going out in public in your preferred gender role. ;)
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Furball on June 09, 2007, 10:08:55 PM
I guess I could try.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: aaron on July 11, 2007, 11:56:28 AM
When I was young, and I mean very young my interest was there. I tried it and loved it. As I got older the interest is still there but I don't dress. I've shaved off my body hair because I like the clean and smooth feel but let it grow back. Talk about an extreme closet case? I still live at home and won't be able to experience anything until I move out, even then it'll still be in private.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: cyanide on August 13, 2007, 07:43:40 PM
i am unsure about now.  because i am not sure where i stand.


but when i was younger, it is a way to get into 'character' when i play pretend games of characters we saw on TV.
i found female characters more fun to play (and usually those parts are "bestowed" upon me anyway)....
of course, don't get to do that a lot... cuz it's cute the first time you put on a dress and be discovered by your parents.
after that.... well... came the threat to cut my ****  off    true story.


to answer the question.. humm... to get into characer? (look up crossplay)  ....the first step of the hierarchy towards transgenderilsm?
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Emma Jane on October 12, 2007, 07:39:58 AM
Hi

I've been cross dressing for approximately 25 years and it's only in the last couple of months I want to take it further e.g. live as a full time woman. How do I tell my partner of 10 years? She has her suspicions but has never seen me as a woman...

Emm
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Emmalene on November 17, 2007, 06:16:47 AM
Quote from: Kate on August 28, 2006, 06:32:04 PM
Quote from: Emerald on August 27, 2006, 12:45:27 AM
A Crossdresser is an individual who dresses in clothing characteristic of their opposite sex.

The catch - as with the "What is a transsexual?" thread - is do we group people by what they do? Or by their motivations?

Under this definition, many of whom we typically consider "transsexuals" would also be crossdressers (at least before they transition). And while I suppose it's accurate to say that they are crossdressing (wearing clothing opposite of physical anatomy), it's sounds wrong to label them as crossdressers.

Well the thing is, if there may be a variety of possible reasons why somebody would cross dress, then it is right to consider transsexualism to be one of them, and that transsexuals may go through a cross dresser period during their transformation process. It is just too black and white to say there are transsexuals and then there are cross dressers. It's a comparison of apples and oranges.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Becky on November 23, 2007, 07:36:59 AM
I really think it unfare that G.G. can wear men's clothes in public without no one saying a thing but if a man wears women;s clothes it is wrong.
I REALLY LIKE TO WEAR DRESSES.
Becky
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: candyapple on November 24, 2007, 08:09:57 AM
if i were to put myself in a certain classification , i would consider myself a transvestite , even though i dislike the term i accept that dressing up in sexy lingerei does turn me on sexually , i used to feelguilty about it , and dispose of my stash of items i had collected , then it would return and i would start purchasing again to fullfill my desire , exposing it to a partner made me feel quite guilty, and so im wary of being to open with anybody new as this would just make things worse, . its not like   im gonna say , oh ... i forgot to tell you ...i like to wear womans panties , and they have run a mile in the past , so you can imagine the dialema  i now face , as a doctor said to me ... a lepord cant change its spots , so i guess i am what i am and i am not ashamed  about what turns me on ,and im not hurting anybody , i feel unhappy when i supress these feelings , so i guess now its time to accept the situation and get on with life and maybe i will find an understanding woman , im 44 now  ,so you never whats round the corner ,  this is the first time i have expressed my thoughts on this subject  and hope i have not bored you all ,  have a nice week, ......candy
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Emmalene on November 24, 2007, 03:12:15 PM
Quote from: candyapple on November 24, 2007, 08:09:57 AM
if i were to put myself in a certain classification , i would consider myself a transvestite , even though i dislike the term i accept that dressing up in sexy lingerei does turn me on sexually , i used to feelguilty about it , and dispose of my stash of items i had collected , then it would return and i would start purchasing again to fullfill my desire , exposing it to a partner made me feel quite guilty, and so im wary of being to open with anybody new as this would just make things worse, . its not like   im gonna say , oh ... i forgot to tell you ...i like to wear womans panties , and they have run a mile in the past , so you can imagine the dialema  i now face , as a doctor said to me ... a lepord cant change its spots , so i guess i am what i am and i am not ashamed  about what turns me on ,and im not hurting anybody , i feel unhappy when i supress these feelings , so i guess now its time to accept the situation and get on with life and maybe i will find an understanding woman , im 44 now  ,so you never whats round the corner ,  this is the first time i have expressed my thoughts on this subject  and hope i have not bored you all ,  have a nice week, ......candy

Someone on a different thread in this forum claimed "men" who wear womens panties were more likely to rape and abuse girls. Such folk prejudice is very disturbing.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: tekla on December 18, 2007, 09:26:55 AM
"Someone on a different thread in this forum claimed "men" who wear womens panties were more likely to rape and abuse girls. Such folk prejudice is very disturbing."

And most likely not true either, bet its exactly the opposite, the instance of rape and abuse would be lower as they have an outlet that does not require other people.

5% may be valid if you are talking about any cross gender use of clothing or behaviors, but serious gender differences is more like 1.5% or less I bet.

Drive from Vicksburg (very pretty, I enjoyed my visit there) to New Orleans.  Lot of places to go in N.0.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: brenn on December 31, 2007, 04:21:07 AM
Quote from: Emerald on August 27, 2006, 12:45:27 AM


A Crossdresser is an individual who dresses in clothing characteristic of the other sex.


-Emerald  :icon_mrgreen:

This is a very broad definition. I think among crossdressers, there is a continuum. There are of course those (males) who dress fully as a woman and try to pass as a woman. There there are others who incorporate articles of womens clothing into their wardrobe to varying degrees but do not try and pass. I'll use myself as an example:

I tried dressing fully as a woman in dresses, high heels, makeup, etc. However, that was not for me. There are things found in the women's department that I like to wear such as panties (everyday), pantyhose (occasionally), capri pants (very rarely), ballet flats and mary-janes (as casual wear) and a few pairs of women's jeans/pants/shorts. I do not try and pass, but incorporate them into my everyday wardrobe. I don't wear a bra because I don't need one. I don't wear makeup (although a light lip gloss is sometimes nice) because i don't like the hassle. I tend to think of myself as androgenous, but sometimes that doesn't exactly fit the definition either. How do we reconcile and differentiate these manners of dress?

Just something to think about.

Brenn
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Barbara on March 19, 2008, 06:52:37 AM
One interesting thing to me is that ,yes it is a common link between crossdresser's to have tried on articles of clothing at an early age.But was there something within us before we even got to the actual trying on of pantyhose,or panties,etc... Did we have a desire to connect with the feminine?.And another question is that what if at an early age these articles of clothing were simple non-available,and we had absolutly no access to them,would we still have followed the same path?And how many children have also tried on there mothers clothes in private a few times but just abandoned it over time and had no feeling about it.I feel that it somehow got burned into my brain,and now i know that it is part of me.For better or worse.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Emerald on March 20, 2008, 12:04:58 PM
Quote from: Barbara on March 19, 2008, 06:52:37 AM
One interesting thing to me is that ,yes it is a common link between crossdresser's to have tried on articles of clothing at an early age.But was there something within us before we even got to the actual trying on of pantyhose,or panties,etc... Did we have a desire to connect with the feminine?.And another question is that what if at an early age these articles of clothing were simple non-available,and we had absolutly no access to them,would we still have followed the same path?And how many children have also tried on there mothers clothes in private a few times but just abandoned it over time and had no feeling about it.I feel that it somehow got burned into my brain,and now i know that it is part of me.For better or worse.

Hi Barbara  :icon_biggrin:
Quote from: WikipediaCross-dressers may begin wearing their opposite sex's clothing as children, using the clothes of a sibling, parent, or friend. Some parents have said they allowed their children to cross-dress and, in many cases, the child stopped when they became older.

Classic psychoanalytic views of cross-dressing emphasized the role of taboo in the behaviour. Only items that were proscribed to a gender would be appropriated, and therefore it is not the general association of an item with one sex or the other but the prohibitions against the item that give satisfaction to those with a fetish attachment to cross-dressing. According to this theory, as articles become acceptable for ordinary wear they will cease to be sought by cross-dressers.


In other words, playing 'dress up' in the clothing traditionally worn by the opposite sex is a natural, normal, imaginative activity for children of either sex, a behaviour most children outgrow before they reach puberty.

Because it was specifically forbidden, crossdressing may became a desirable activity for the child, a way to be harmlessly 'naughty'. Punishing the child for crossdressing may serve to make dressing in the clothing of the opposite sex even more 'forbidden' and thus all the more desirable. Crossdressing coupled with erotic pleasure may create an even stronger desire to crossdress... an habitual behaviour which can last a lifetime even if the connection between sexual pleasure and crossdressing is lost over time. For many, crossdressing is a way to feel relaxed and comforted, offering a temporary shedding of responsibilities and obligations as a member of the male sex.

In no way is this the only reason or answer to the question of why people crossdress. The human mind is a mysterious thing to behold, but perhaps this will give you some insight to your own reasons for crossdressing.

-Emerald  :icon_mrgreen:
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: KitKatKathy on April 08, 2008, 10:36:04 PM
Quote
Quote
I am little by little, trying to learn and understand why a man would want to dress like a woman. It's kind of a pain in neck isn't it? I guess the drive must be so strong that you must satisfy it.

I don't understand why I do this either.  There are all kinds of theories, none of which I find completely satisfactory.  Even if we could understand why we do it, that would not change the fact that this is a drive that cannot be denied.  It is sometimes a pain in the neck, but it is also wonderful fun as well.

This is a good question one I can't fully answer either. Does it excite me? Yes. Does it turn me on? Yes. Do I feel different? Yes ...

I have a confidant that put it this way to me, "You are a painter, but instead of creating art on canvas, you are creating art on your self, your soul". I love this analogy. When doing my makeup or looking at clothes or practicing moving/talking, part of me goes into dreamland and I'm looking back at a person I never realized existed before.



Kelly

Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Jenifer J on April 23, 2008, 02:14:48 AM
This is probably a little off of the topic but, growing up in the 50's I remember having a 'flat top' hair cut, used a little Butch Wax to keep the front up. Played football and baseball and usually came out of the locker room with wet hair and no deodorant. If you broke a nail during the game, too bad, put a Band Aid on it. Wore Jeans (501s), a plain white t-shirt under a Pendleton usually with low cut Converse tennis shoes. Special occasions called for Wing Tips and black socks. You only had the choice of two types of underwear (Boxers or Briefs). At the sock hop all the guys hung out in a group and had Jade East on to the extent the smell was overwhelming.

Now a guy can wear Cargo pants or even Capri's, Tank tops, form fitting shirts, a litany of pants, jeans and slacks (thankfully Bell Bottoms died in the 70's). Have long hair and go to a hair salon for any number of hair styles. Not to mention all the hair products and other beauty care products available. Blow dry your hair, dye your hair if it is too gray or even get plugs if you are losing it. Have a manicure, a pedicure or even a facial. Have a choice of hundreds of styles of shoes, wear socks or don't, flip flops are acceptable almost everywhere and colorful shorts ranging from long to short and I don't even want to list all he underwear options out there. I am sure I could go on and list hundreds of other little nuances that have become accepted. But my point is that while women can crossdress seamlessly and without repercussions, a man had better not put on a dress.

I suggest that in a subtle way inroads are being made and things that were certainly unacceptable 30-40 years ago are now pretty much the norm. We see more and more uni-sex or uni-gender clothes and we are acting if not dressing a little more like women all the time and we like it.

Jen
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Teresa on May 08, 2008, 11:38:45 AM
Quote from: Buffy on August 27, 2006, 04:01:47 AM
Hi Emerald,

There is also a stigma associated with cross dressing, that cannot be ignored.

Men dressing in Female clothing is sociably more unacceptable than Women dressing in mens clothing?

Girls for instance growing up are considered "tom boys" if they have short hair, wear trousers and dress "boyishly"... But boys are not afforded this luxury, even my nurses outfit was banned!

I also think that it is still considered by many to be "perverted" that men should dress in womens clothes and is still associated in many cases with sexual acts such as masturbation. I am not really sure what sexual thrill women would get out of cross dressing?

Becky



Most women who wear men's clothes do not do so to pass as men.  It's not the same as cross dressing that men do.  Most CD's cross dress to create an image on femininity and to look like a woman. 

Teresa
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: BlondeVeronica on August 31, 2008, 04:39:07 PM
I have been in the closet for years, 29 to be exact.  I have always feared my family and friends reaction to me saying that I love the feel of women's panties, and thigh high stalkings.  That changed recently.  I got married less than two years ago and have worked my way up to actually coming out to my wife.  I first chose boxer briefs (not much of a transition).  Next it was onto Manties (man panties).  My wife loved it when I wore those.  Then everything changed last week.  My sister said she thought I should dress up as George Washington and wear makeup and a wig.  I looked at her and said, "Why don't I just dress up like Marilyn Monroe."  My mother-in-law said, "I'd love to see that!"  (Being the closet cross-dresser) That night, I talked to my wife and said I would love to dress like that.  She loved the idea.  Then the following weekend, I let her have it with both barrels.  I told her about my liking to dress up for more than Halloween and at first she was a little shocked, but has since said she'd support me, as long as I give her a child and don't want to be a woman permanently.  I agreed and now, I have clothing and a wig on the way.

I am looking for a place to talk about how to do things correctly and to enjoy myself in an understanding community. 
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Elwood on August 31, 2008, 05:19:55 PM
So... let's get this straight.

I'm a transmale and I present as male. If I was a cross dresser, I'd present as female, right?  ???
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: tinkerbell on August 31, 2008, 05:36:06 PM
Quote from: Elwood on August 31, 2008, 05:19:55 PM
So... let's get this straight.

I'm a transmale and I present as male. If I was a cross dresser, I'd present as female, right?  ???

Indeed! The difference lies in the fact that your gender identity is male.  The same could be said about a transsexual girl whose gender is female and wears the attire of her gender identification.  That is not cross-dressing in any way! :)

tink :icon_chick:
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Barbara on August 31, 2008, 06:55:34 PM
All i know is that when i dress i go through mental changes also.I do not feel like a guy wearing womens clothes.I feel like a women.When women talk to me they are talking women to women.They have told me things that i will remember for the rest of my life.They are the ones who made me strong.That this is really a gift.It is not something to hide or be ashamed of.They told me i looked beautiful,i tested it out by going to a bar,as soon as i walked in a guy hit on me.I have to be honest and say i liked it.As a man i do not persue gay men.but that night while dressed i knew i wanted it.And it made me feel wonderful.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: anouk on October 15, 2008, 05:24:32 AM
In a Finnish tg site there is a lively conversation about the same issue. ...Or actually, if crossdressing is a disease, as it is regarded in international disease classification. In Finland we have a word "crossdressing", but it is rarely used and regarded as a synonyme to a word transvestite.

These are few main points from that discussion:


Transvestism is not a sheer choice of way of living: You cannot choose it, although in some cases you may choose, whether you express it in closet, just in mind, 24/7 in real life....

It is not a hobby either: You can not change it to another. 

It is not a disease: Most crossdressers would live and do marvelously, if the enviroment would allowe them to be what they want to be. On the other hand the contradiction between their needs and the enviroment induces a lot of mental pressure that may cause mental problems as well.

Then what is crossdressing? It is a inner combination of different feelings, needs and excperiences of gender indentity, for example:

- need to feel the identity of opposite gender every now and then

- need to express the external things concerning the opposite gender

- contradictional feelings about the own gender role and/or idnetity, but still being able to handle the life in it. 

- feeling sexual excitement concerning either inner or outer issues of opposite gender.


Different persons have these features in different coctails, and some may not have some of these at all. On the other hand the degrees of these features can change quite radically during a persons life. So it is very hard (or even pointless) to try to segregate any subgroups, for example by saying: "I'm a real crossdresser  without any fetishist needs, you are just a panty-fetishist...."
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: o2bXX on December 17, 2008, 05:03:22 PM
I have viewed numerous posts on this forum and am amazed that we as posters seem to fall into the same old patriarchal, societal and cultural traps we are presumably trying to break free from. Categorizing, classifying, labeling, compartmentalizing ourselves by the old names given years ago by old male psychiatrists. To me, we just perpetuate their abnormal viewpoint.
I realize that some people need to fit somewhere in order to identify. I understand that; however, labeling or categorizing me as this, that or whatever merely perpetuates the name calling I endured as a child and adolescent.

Apparently I displayed "girl" type behaviour between 2 and 4 e.g. crying lots and was called girl and a female name as punishment. At 4 I said I wanted to be like my older sister when I finally saw that she had different genitals. Up until then, I had no idea that she had a different body.
I continued crying lots, mostly because my sister and her friends wouldn't let me play with them (no boys allowed!) As "punishment" one day when I was 6, my mother forced dressed me in my sister's old dress in front of my sister and her friend. I had a mixture of terror an euphoria, in that order. I felt sexually aroused for the first time and was immediately stripped and beaten by my mother for being "filthy and dirty."
Needless to say that experience stayed with me; otherwise I wouldn't be on this site, right?  ;D Half a century later I still have a need to be one of and play with the girls, something I have been doing more overtly recently with my wife and our mutual single female aquaintances. During the last 50 years I have not wanted so-called female clothes from stores, but only want to wear those belonging to a real female; usually my wife. In order to be human these days, I need to wear something, however minor under my "prison clothes." My wife has known of my needs since shortly after our marriage 30 years ago. Only recently, via sites like this, therapy and lots of reading have she and I reconciled what's going on.
I wish we similar minded people could get rid of old men's labels and categories for ourselves and just be the homo-sapiens we all are. I'll keep dreaming! ::)
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: tekla on December 17, 2008, 08:31:40 PM
That sounds to me almost like some almost perfect prologue to crossdressing, most us just kind of found ourselves doing it, which was good enough.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: phyliscd on December 21, 2008, 12:28:04 PM
i am a crossdresser and i have been one since i realized that i enjoy wearing girls clothing more than boys .a lot of people have asked how did you start and why you did it.i dont really know why and i tried all the different methods of trying to stop doing it .but as we all know there is no stopping and either you do something stupid or you accept the fact that you love being dressed as a woman and enjoying it . :D
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Jody on December 24, 2008, 12:09:24 AM
Quote from: SOofaCD on February 16, 2007, 02:11:29 PM
I hope it's ok to post in this thread.  If not, then I appologize in advance.  When I saw the topic of this thread I had to read it.  I am a significant other and I am newly informed of my honey's needs/deisres.  I feel horrible for those of you with bad experiences with spouses/significant others.  Please, I ask that you keep something in mind.  You are very good at hiding what you feel in this area.  That is a sad necesity, and 9 times out of 10 we SOs really have no clue.  There is a huge range of emotions we feel when we first hear the news.  I, presonally, am still experiencing some of those.  As for the FTM dressing, I would suppose in the broadest sense that would be me, as well.  I despise pantyhose.  I think they're evil and only good for catching dryer lint.  I also prefer pants/jeans to skirts/dresses most of the time, though they are feminine looking in cut.  Labels are for medicine bottles.  People should be allowed to just be people.

Thank you for posting. I have struggled with many relationships as to when and how to tell. Each time the SO has run a gammit of feelings. Please try to avoid the comparisons his legs look better than mine. That dress looks better on him than me. You are just as and in reality physically more attractive to him than he will ever be to himself. Just my opinion. Your acceptance and willingness to walk through your feelings are the true test of beauty. I can not and will not speak for others but for myself I would prefer to be all male or all female. This need to be a female in a male body is as much fun as sticking needles under my fingernails.
I am trying to keep in mind that our great  Grandmothers and Grandmothers fought for years to wear trousers. I know that some women suffered terrible assaults just because they crossdressed.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Vicky on December 29, 2008, 12:18:44 AM
I know that I don't know what makes someone else a Cross Dresser, and half the time I don't know what makes me want to present as the gender that is opposite of what the Dr. said I was when I was born. 

What is usually described as Cross Dressing goes back to the days when Eve and Adam decided that one would wear a fig leaf, and the other one a pomegranate leaf. This of course was after the apple pie throwing incident. (Several religious books say that the supreme diety was rather put out by the whole thing.) My problem is that clothing is tied in to who you are going to choose to have sex with tonight or whenever.  For being as moralistic as we say we are, we sure have a lot of dirty minds in this world.

I have been in some groups where this question has lead to near physical violence, and several acts of outright character assassination did take place. The main bone of contention was which of the group more "purely" typified a Cross Dresser

I realize that I am at a different part of the CD landscape, because at the minute I don't feel a need to describe what I am wearing in detail. (Is that a requirement of being a CD?)  My own wardrobe is over 50% female clothing, and almost all of it worn and laundered a couple of times. With the after Christmas sales, it will become about 2% more female, since I still have a few $$$ to go before maxing out my VISA card.  Maybe wardrobe percentage should give us different ranks in the guild??  Another standard should be based on taste in age appropriate clothing and making sure our wigs are not dripping with engine oil or have battery acid holes in them. Thats not a CD, that is a disaster!!!  Ok, I'm showing off my own conceited self and making catty remarks about some people who consider themselves to be a CD but who give the term a BAD reputation.

To me, a CD is a person who thinks outside of their socially rigid gender assigment, and who allows themselves to be freed of gender stereotypes for however long or short a time they can do it.  The reasons can and hopefully are, so that we can expand and enjoy our experience as loving and caring human beings.  We go from obvious Guy In Dress (or less) to those who want to be socially accepted as their target gender.  We want to be accepted as worthwhile human beings who can accept a wide range of emotions without classifying any true emotion as gender specific. 

Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: gennee on January 28, 2009, 06:39:37 PM
Quote from: o2bXX on December 17, 2008, 05:03:22 PM
I have viewed numerous posts on this forum and am amazed that we as posters seem to fall into the same old patriarchal, societal and cultural traps we are presumably trying to break free from. Categorizing, classifying, labeling, compartmentalizing ourselves by the old names given years ago by old male psychiatrists. To me, we just perpetuate their abnormal viewpoint.
I realize that some people need to fit somewhere in order to identify. I understand that; however, labeling or categorizing me as this, that or whatever merely perpetuates the name calling I endured as a child and adolescent.

Apparently I displayed "girl" type behaviour between 2 and 4 e.g. crying lots and was called girl and a female name as punishment. At 4 I said I wanted to be like my older sister when I finally saw that she had different genitals. Up until then, I had no idea that she had a different body.
I continued crying lots, mostly because my sister and her friends wouldn't let me play with them (no boys allowed!) As "punishment" one day when I was 6, my mother forced dressed me in my sister's old dress in front of my sister and her friend. I had a mixture of terror an euphoria, in that order. I felt sexually aroused for the first time and was immediately stripped and beaten by my mother for being "filthy and dirty."
Needless to say that experience stayed with me; otherwise I wouldn't be on this site, right?  ;D Half a century later I still have a need to be one of and play with the girls, something I have been doing more overtly recently with my wife and our mutual single female aquaintances. During the last 50 years I have not wanted so-called female clothes from stores, but only want to wear those belonging to a real female; usually my wife. In order to be human these days, I need to wear something, however minor under my "prison clothes." My wife has known of my needs since shortly after our marriage 30 years ago. Only recently, via sites like this, therapy and lots of reading have she and I reconciled what's going on.
I wish we similar minded people could get rid of old men's labels and categories for ourselves and just be the homo-sapiens we all are. I'll keep dreaming! ::)

I always say that labels should never define who we are. I can see why people hate labels because often they are used to demean and belittle. I look at myself as just being me. I'm out in public quite a bit and enjoy being myself. My wife and son know and accept my dressing.

Gennee
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Genevieve Swann on February 17, 2009, 04:52:32 AM
Is the 5% based on crossdressers who will admit to being CD? It's probably higher. Most men will not admit to others because it may destroy their machismo. I beleive crossdressing is merely wearing clothing of the opposite gender. I have an article that addresses women wearing mens attire. Amazingly in the 1950s some places in the  U.S. it was illegal for women to wear pants on sunday. Could actually be incarcerated. Probably it was OK on other days of the week so the could do they could do the chores while the "oldman" was at the saloon.    Kimpd999 mentioned blackmail in her comments and it remainded me of an old experience. In a the 80s I was working for a Navy contractor in Panama and I had a secret security clearance. My boss and a fellow working became aware I was crossdresser. There was concern that if a foreign agent found out I could be blackmailed in excange for sensitive information. At one point the Navy downgraded the clearances because of two officers who were spies(the Walker incident). Then I was confidential not secret. My job required a secret clearance. So sorry boys I can't work. They then reinvestigated me and gave a secret again. During the interview with a NCIS agent I admitted to being a crossdresser. It's not considered a security risk as long as I admit to it I cannot be blackmailed. "oh darn" I must stay "Out of the closet". Later,Genevieve
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: DragonGirl on March 31, 2009, 04:05:11 PM
For me and possible relationships at the time I dated a person enough and at the time we make a union I come out with bra and panties and then know whether the relationship would fly or crash. Since those early days, I'm married for 18 yrs. and told wife I wanted to expand my wardrobe and go out.... was not good. It is difficult for S.O.'s. Is he turning gay, will he leave me for a man, am I now supposed to be a lesbian? I understand the confusion. We discussed for the longest time and I finally pointed out she was always considered a TomBoy and disliked all mandated things female and dressed in jeans, work boots, not frillies and lace and really loves building things, heavy duty work tools and large trucks ( step up ) and no one flinches buuuuut if I go even a little fem it would get very tense. After considering my views she finally realized she was exhibiting the ideals she disliked most and now accepts my other half but does not want to be embarrassed by my going out totally female in our immediate local which is locally rural small town near by which is very redneck country.  For the life of her she can't understand why I would want to put myself through all those things time consuming to look and feel female and I told her I really enjoy that time and it makes me feel whole. She does little things that do make me really happy without even knowing it like telling me to back up a recording to show how a bra should fit or telling me you really do have cleavage. She doesn't have any idea how happy those little things make me and how much I love her. So I always tell how happy she made me even though she didn't even realize it. If a S.O. reads this I hope it will help you to understand and this isn't something thats fleeting but a need that must be addressed in order for me to feel complete. Still after 60 years I don't know which classification I belong under ( which doesn't bother me ). Love to All.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Cindy on April 18, 2009, 04:17:27 AM
Sorry for this :D
I get crossdressing when I get a run in my stockings.

Ooops :D

Cindy James.

Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: DragonGirl on April 18, 2009, 01:23:28 PM
I understand the definitions but can not fit myself into just one category. I also get cross when I get a run so I have to bear that cross also and cross over to re dressing those pesky stockings. ;) Hugs, DG
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Cindy on April 19, 2009, 02:21:39 AM
Yes,  sorry I have this desire to inflict bad puns on the innocent ;) :-*
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Barbara on April 25, 2009, 10:22:39 PM
The statistics can not be accurate first of all,due to the high closet ratio.and among them the percentage that will admit it even anonomously is even smaller.

Post Merge: April 25, 2009, 10:32:15 PM

I have been dressing in womans clothes my whole life(i am now 43 yrs old).I still don't know why i do it.I almost don't really want too know either
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Genevieve Swann on May 11, 2009, 05:41:43 AM
I beleive the percentage is wrong. Maybe 5% are those dress often. All of those who have tried on clothing of the opposite gender is much higher. Transvestites dress for sexual desire, fetish. Drag Queens like to perform. Some of us do it because it feels right. Some studies have found in some persons it increases the neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine which gives one a 'Feel Good' feeling and increases the ability to experience emotion.

Post Merge: May 11, 2009, 05:43:54 AM

I must agree with Barbara. I really don't want to know why. I want to know how to be better at it.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Barbara on May 23, 2009, 12:42:44 AM
Quote from: Jillieann on December 10, 2006, 06:32:45 AM
Oh Nikki I'm so sorry for you. I does hurt but give her time.
:'( :'(
Jillieann/JR

could not have said it better






Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: omega1251 on September 11, 2009, 05:54:24 AM
Hmm, so can crossdressing "develop" into other states of mind or underlie a more significant need within a person?
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: tekla on September 11, 2009, 10:45:20 AM
Hmm, so can crossdressing "develop" into other states of mind or underlie a more significant need within a person?

Of course, then again, maybe not.  There was an old joke back in the DOS days of chat - "What's the difference between a CD and a TS?  About 10 years." and there was some truth in that.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Rebecca.R on September 19, 2009, 05:05:13 AM
I know this is an old topic, but as it has come to the front again and as i have just started my journey I would like to comment.

I think too much emphasis is placed on the physical person by society.  According to society in many countries, if you are born male or female there are certain and very specific expectations placed upon you.  At no time does anyone, except for the psychs, look at your own character and yet it is your very character that sets you apart from any one other person on this planet, not your gender.

Personally I think your own character, and by that I mean how you think and feel, should dictate how you dress.  I like to wear stockings and dresses and all things pretty, funnily enough my wife likes to wear shorts.

What everybody needs to realise is that: we are born, we live on this planet a very short time, then we die.  Why should it be such a big issue if I, or CindyJames, or Barbara wants to wear clothes that match our character, but not our outsides.

I know it is, but it shouldn't.................. Rebecca
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: finally-ROBERTA on October 06, 2009, 09:06:58 PM
well i am a crossdresser, and i am still somewhat confused as to where it leads but i think i will enjoy the trip and i am beginning to realize that soon....if not already.... there is no turning back
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Barbara on December 19, 2009, 12:24:59 AM
i dress as a woman ,i really love  being a woman i feel pretty and desirable.I like to be around men when i am dressed...... end of story
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: jill_cd_girl on February 08, 2010, 03:11:24 PM
I was thinking a lot about the percentage of crossdressers in the male population. Leaving aside the question of what attributes they measured and counted for crossdressing, I was thinking "So, when I am in a room of 20 men, chances are there is a crossdresser in the room - is that right?" and then I realized "Oh yeah, that crossdresser is me, duh!

What's interesting is that if you're in a room of 40 men, then chances are there are around 2 crossdressers present. Very fascinating..
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Jafrina on February 28, 2010, 01:14:43 PM
Emerald, very nice, what do I do about the Closet Crossdresser I am? With the wife and daughter home it is not often I get to CD? Are there many more Closet CD'S out there that wish they could show there spouse? Thank You, Jafrina
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: tekla on February 28, 2010, 02:56:08 PM
I am lead to believe that the huge, vast and sweeping majority of CDs are not out in public, unless they are away from where they live.  And CD can cover a range from wearing pink Haynes Her Way under your Hart Schaffner Marx suit to guys with a thing for wedding dresses and prom gowns in public.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Ms jennifer on March 10, 2010, 06:47:31 PM
I have just joined and still dont understand how to post. I have been a closet dresser all my life and after work i can not wait to change into a woman . It is so nice to be able to talk and read about others who are feeling the same turmoil that I feel by hiding. I travel a lot and it can take weeks to find a special resale shop that will let me browse for outfits. Some will even let me try on items since a dress may look good on the hanger and not fit once I get home .Thanks for letting me be the woman I want to be dressed as.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: clare aston on March 16, 2010, 04:49:59 AM
I have a theory that crossdressing for the older male is part of a lifespan issue, a need for change, a new direction, a new project in life.
Some of us, as men, perceive the capitalistic, macho world as hard, unfriendly, threatening, and not in tune with the kind of person we are, i think.
An obvious answer would seem to lie in that part of the world that presents different values, approaches and ideals.
Perhaps with getting older, the departure/maturing of kids/relationships, and seeing the world in a less black-and-white way - crossdressing presents a viable alternative.....?
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: tekla on March 21, 2010, 10:31:35 PM
I think a lot of these tendencies get stronger as we get older.  That, and the older you get often the less you care about what others think, and the less their thoughts can impact your life.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Lyric on March 22, 2010, 01:15:43 PM
Quote from: jill_cd_girl on February 08, 2010, 03:11:24 PM
I was thinking a lot about the percentage of crossdressers in the male population.

I think, in a way, the percentage of male crossdressers probably much much larger than we think. I suspect that a very large percentage of men visualize it in their minds but never get up the nerve to do it. I'm pretty sure I've known some like that. I think the mindframe component may be the most important thing going on with crossdressing, and, indeed, I spent years as a mental crossdresser before I ever pulled on a pair of panties. We live in a society that has long encouraged it's young that they can grow up to be whatever they want. I think a great many go past imagining themselves as ball players or movie stars and wish imagine themselves as the other gender. The physical action of dressing the part is the natural progression of that, but I'm sure only a small percentage (us!) actually do that. Why us? For many of us the desire is greater, but for some it may just be a matter of the situation and convenience.

Lyric
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: PhSensei on May 25, 2010, 08:52:36 PM
What is a crossdresser? Its what you make of it.  CD/TV/TG etc etc...we are a very diverse bunch.  One label doesn't fit all and we all get something different from dressing however far we take it.

I wear pantyhose and lately panties every day because it makes me feel good.  I slip into a nightie at night, because it makes me feel good.  I put on a skirt and cami when I can, because it makes me feel good.

If you are doing what makes you happy and not hurting anyone....then keep at it.

Worry less about your label and more about finding and following your bliss in life.  Hopefully you can find an SO who accepts, encourages, and helps you express this side of you.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Josylyn on August 27, 2010, 07:46:08 PM
I think I'm more than a crossdresser ... have always felt like and wanted to be a girl. I still get urges to be a woman. I'm not really attracted to men, but attracted to the thought of being desired by a man, as if I was a woman. These feelings since as long as I can remember.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: debbiecd on September 24, 2010, 01:33:02 AM
I am a bisexual crossdresser who wants to transition. How typical am I?
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Midana on November 01, 2010, 11:48:00 PM
Quote from: Buffy on August 27, 2006, 04:01:47 AM
Hi Emerald,

There is also a stigma associated with cross dressing, that cannot be ignored.

Men dressing in Female clothing is sociably more unacceptable than Women dressing in mens clothing?

Girls for instance growing up are considered "tom boys" if they have short hair, wear trousers and dress "boyishly"... But boys are not afforded this luxury, even my nurses outfit was banned!

I also think that it is still considered by many to be "perverted" that men should dress in womens clothes and is still associated in many cases with sexual acts such as masturbation. I am not really sure what sexual thrill women would get out of cross dressing?

Becky
Becky, I agree with you, Yes, usually at the point, for all I know back over a hundred years ago, only a few women can wear trouser for their purpose: to work on farm/ranch. This is a rare case, but until around 1950's. I think several ladies, or young ladies (teenagers) began wearing the blue jeans. This is not the whole point I had in my mind, I mean, Why can't we guys wear skirt for their comfort? I am looking for some comfort. I wear a night gown( a XXl t-shirt) I also went a friend's ranch wearing western style Jean mini skirt with blouse and jacket along with cowboy boots. I felt real comfort better than the trouser.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: JoanneTV on November 03, 2010, 12:31:37 PM
I have read every post on here and I agree that labels are of no use. I dress because it feels good and makes me complete, as my self esteem/worth skyrocket. The older I get the less I care of what the masses think, the day will come for me when I go out in public in a skirt. I don't care if your a CD/TV or TS, its what you make of it and as long as you enjoy it then who cares! Most men have tried xdressing, to include the macho rednecks who dare not admit it, I would say its more like 75%. Its a way of life for all of us, lets make the best of it!
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Rebecca.R on November 20, 2010, 05:07:30 PM
I have responded once before to this post and whilst my view hasn't changed, my experience has, therefore I hope you don't mind indulging me for a short time.

I had only ever dressed inside my home apart from the occaisional nervous dash to the letterbox to get the mail.  Oh there was a time I went for a makeover too, but that was inside somebodies home too.

Last night a situation occurred where I was able to go outside.  I got ready....yeah giggles.......two hours later.  The whole works, shaving , makeup, stockings,, heels, lingerie, nail polish, perfume etc..................  I got in my car and first challenge was to go to an ATM to get some money.  I chose an out of the way one, you know.. dark and secluded.  Hah....... it was out of order so then I had to go to the one in our suburban main street.  You kow the sort with bars and restaurants only 20 or 30 metres away.  I took a breath got out of my car and wiggle walked down the footpath like I owned the place and got my money. (My heart pounding the whole time) My hands were shaking while I was pressing the buttons on the ATM.  There was a woman who walked past me while I was there and cars were going past.  I got my money and wiggled back to my car.

I then drove 40 minutes into the city where I had challenged myself to go into a T girl frindly bar and get at least one drink.  After driving around the block five times I plucked up the courage to park and walk quite a distance to the club.  I was doing my best to walk like a girl and hoping desperately not to get beaten up for trying to dress like a girl.

I walked into the club which was really busy and crowded.  I saw a few other 'ladies' sitting at one of the tables so felt a little better.  I went to the bar and the barman said, "What would you like darling?" .... I thought that was so sweet, but in reality it said to me: you are accepted here any way you like and you are welcome.  I sat at a table and sipped on my 'non alcoholic' drink and just enjoyed the moment. 

I went home shortly after, but it was so exhilirating to be able to walk around our city completely dressed and you know what........................ the earth didn't stop or anything.

So to get back to the original idea of these posts, I still think that it is sad that we are so programmed that we feel guilt to wear these outfits. When you think about it, the heart pounding and the shaking hands is all a result of society and how we percieve social norms.  Overall though, I absolutely loved it, I was able to completely be myself out in the real world even if it was for a short time.  Once I was relaxed I completely became what I consider to be female.  I wonder now whether how I walk or act or talk as a male is now really just an act.

The mind boggles doesn't it?

Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Susan Baum on November 20, 2010, 06:08:31 PM
I, too, have spent hours reading this thread; maybe it should be "required" reading much as the site terms are.  I cannot go along with some of the generalizations expressed here but everyone has their own individual viewpoints and reasons for dressing as they do. 

I gave up questioning the "why" I like to dress in women's clothing years ago.  It was simple for me – I enjoy the female form in all its shapes and sizes; in my first pubescent experiments, I knew emulating this was a part of me that wouldn't disappear easily.  When I started to embrace it more earnestly in my early 20's, I found some rejection but also support and encouragement from my wife and eventually our daughter. 

Yes, I have had a few breaks but never any real purges and have been blessed with a closet full of share-able clothing.  I have to admit my latest return may have been (as Emerald so nicely put it at the beginning of this thread) "an antidote to anxiety or depression" following Chelle's illness and death but there is no question returning to my femme self has helped restore my inner peace and calm.

Susan
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: tekla on November 22, 2010, 06:14:33 AM
When you think about it, the heart pounding and the shaking hands is all a result of society and how we percieve social norms.

True that, stop worrying about society (which doesn't spend near the amount of time worrying about individuals as individuals do about society) and it all goes away.  For that to happen you have to face it yourself - as dylan said: To live outside the law, you must be honest.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: shazz on November 23, 2010, 09:56:18 AM
Quote from: Emerald on August 27, 2006, 12:45:27 AM

What is a Crossdresser?

A Crossdresser is an individual who dresses in clothing characteristic of the other sex.

By that definition, every women or girl who dresses up in men's or boys clothes must be a cross dresser, yet when was the last time a woman or girl got arrested for it?

How many items of women's clothing were originally designed for men? Just of the top of my head I can I can think of these (no doubt someone will post a reply saying I don't know what I talking about):

Stockings were originally items of male clothing, the wives started to wear them under their dresses to keep their leg warm. As the fashion changed and these padded shorts thingies (can't remember the name), got longer the stockings got shorter, until men were left wearing trousers and socks, The women kept the stockings which evolved into tights or pantyhose.

Swimsuits, there was a time (back in the 1800's if not before), when men used to wear bathing suits (looked a bit like a tee-shirt and shorts combo) and the women wore swimming dresses (with weights sewn into the hem to stop them floating up), then the women started to wear them as well, now the women wear one-peace swimsuits and the men wear trunks and shorts.

Leotards (the bane of many a school girl), invented by a Frenchman Jules Léotard (The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze). His reason for inventing it "if you want to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex wear something that shows of your best asset". Ok I know you can get leotards for boys and men, but there the basic vest type in 6 basic plain colours (red, blue yellow, black, white & green) and your basic cotton/nylon material. Compare that to girls and women's leotards any colour you like, any pattern you like, any style you like, any material you like.

Shazz
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: shazz on November 23, 2010, 10:52:41 AM
Quote from: Rebecca.R on November 20, 2010, 05:07:30 PM

Last night a situation occurred where I was able to go outside.

congratulations for your first time in public.

That's more then me, if I dress up it's usually at home and not as much as I would like, got my kid bro crashing on my sofa (he tends to give me looks if I dress up when he's here). Apart from my kid bro (who's only seen me wearing tights and leggings) there's only about 5 people who know I dress up and 4 of them are women. I've not been out as a woman as such the sci-fi group I'm a member of made a film years ago I spent most of that in a dress, they also had a party a year or two later to celebrate the 100th issue of their magazine (they announced it 2 months before, I missed the next meeting where they said it'll be fancy-dress, no star trek uniforms) I only heard about the fancy-dress part when I went around to see my Ex, she suggested going in drag and to read the editorial of the latest issue, I did the editor rambled on and on thanking the previous editors, recapped about the last 10 years as regards to sci-fi, hopes for the next 10 years and dropping big hints about going to the party in drag. So there I was black high-heel boots (bought from a charity shop), black fake leather mini (also from a charity shop), black velvet leotard (bought from a dancewear shop because my ex liked the feel of it on me), a bra (she bought) and a few pounds of bird seed (in balloons in the bra) and black tights, and loads of comments from the women at the party about how unfair it was that me (a man) can have better legs in them (women), they also accused my of committing the cardinal sin of looking better in a mini skirt then them(tee hee).

shazz
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: KittyLondon273 on November 28, 2010, 04:22:51 AM
Quote from: sheila18 on September 08, 2006, 02:11:35 AM
emerald:
yes evrytime i dress up at work for 1st time, next week the women up the ante. The complements are great!

KAte:
  yes, we discussed this awhile back about boxing and labeling .. i can see it could create a stratafied class system where those with full SRS are at the top and crossdressers at bottom ...i said could.
sheila18

I find some people who may be titled as "trans elitists" do feel this way, as you said about the cast system.  "Cross dressers are just men in dresses, and do not understand what transsexuals are going though and make transsexuals look bad, and post ops are real women and transsexuals who are not going to get their surgery or get on hormones are just confused boys, and transsexuals who plan to get the surgery are not women yet."  These views exist and they bother me, because there is nothing wrong with being a cross dresser a pre op ts, a post op ts, or a non op ts, or a genderqueer or cisgendered.  It is all just part of who you are.  But there is no obligation to be full time in the gender correlating with your opposite sex, and there is no reason why you have to get the surgery or get on hormones.  If you want to that is great if you are happy.

I just think that thinking in such a cast system divides us from our similarities and separates us so we are not standing together strong against prejudice and discrimination.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: brinabrock on February 12, 2011, 01:03:17 PM
I don't think I am a woman inside.
I just happen to be, by accident of birth born male, and in many ways I am a "regular" guy, but gender expectation does box us in, and I do have sides to myself which are more associated with female expression and feelings.
Not denying there is a sexual aspect to my cross dressing, but I think it is more than that.
If I started taking female hormones would my urge to cross dress diminish, if the main motive is sexual?
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Dorothy on February 12, 2011, 02:15:11 PM
Quote from: KittyLondon273 on November 28, 2010, 04:22:51 AM
I find some people who may be titled as "trans elitists" do feel this way, as you said about the cast system.  "Cross dressers are just men in dresses, and do not understand what transsexuals are going though and make transsexuals look bad, and post ops are real women and transsexuals who are not going to get their surgery or get on hormones are just confused boys, and transsexuals who plan to get the surgery are not women yet."  These views exist and they bother me, because there is nothing wrong with being a cross dresser a pre op ts, a post op ts, or a non op ts, or a genderqueer or cisgendered.  It is all just part of who you are.  But there is no obligation to be full time in the gender correlating with your opposite sex, and there is no reason why you have to get the surgery or get on hormones.  If you want to that is great if you are happy.

I just think that thinking in such a cast system divides us from our similarities and separates us so we are not standing together strong against prejudice and discrimination.

Well, I'm not a crossdresser nor a transvestite, and I don't want to be called that.  By the same token, crossdressers & transvestites aren't transsexual.  Crossdressers are men who like wearing the clothes of the opposite sex.  If there's a sexual motivation for the crossdressing, then that person is a transvestite, pure and simple.  There's no other way around it.  I don't support any notion that a crossdresser or transvestite is any form or version of TS.  Nobody "becomes" transsexual.  Transsexuals are born that way.

I'm sick and tired of crossdressers and transvestites telling the whole world that they are "transsexual", and how they "don't need GRS to be complete".  Well, guess what, when crossdressers and transvestites pretend they're transsexual and say that they "don't need GRS"  they jeopardise the well-being of transsexuals.  Why?  Because for transsexuals, GRS is an imperative, and in some instances a matter of life & death.   When full-time crossdressers & transvestites say that GRS is not necessary, governments and medical insurers will continue to deny transsexuals their right for GRS.

If some want to call that "elitism" fine.  but the truth is that I don't have any problems with people identifying as they want.  People can identify as a pot of coffee for all I care, but own your freaking narrative.  That's all I ask.  Have the balls to accept yourself for what you are & don't call yourself something you are not because you may be jeopardising the lives of other people by doing so.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: VeryGnawty on February 14, 2011, 06:56:34 AM
Quote from: KittyLondon273 on November 28, 2010, 04:22:51 AM"Cross dressers are just men in dresses, and do not understand what transsexuals are going though and make transsexuals look bad, and post ops are real women and transsexuals who are not going to get their surgery or get on hormones are just confused boys, and transsexuals who plan to get the surgery are not women yet."

These types of views also bother me.  It is not the crossdresser's fault that crossdressing causes society as a whole to want to fit transsexuals into a box.  Yes, I have real problems.  No, crossdressing will not solve those problems.  But I also don't blame crossdressers or drag queen's on my problems.  Some people want to present as the opposite gender some of the time, without hormones or surgery.  If that's what they need to do, I'm fine with that.

Even if crossdressers didn't exist, society would just find another excuse to deny transsexuals.  The problem is in judgmental people, not in other transgendered people who are different than I am.  For many crossdressers, their gender presentation is genuine.  I believe in taking someone for who they are.  If they want to be feminine for a day, I'll react to them accordingly.  If they are coming from a place that is genuine, I'll treat them with respect.

Even if someone dressess for sexual reasons, there's still nothing wrong with it.  If someone gets themselves off by pretending or imagining themselves to be feminine, good for them.  Personally I don't really care what people do with their spare time.  It's not their fault that some idiots with loud mouths proclaim that ALL transgendered people have a sexual fetish.  That is a problem with people with loud mouths, not a problem with people who choose to crossdress.

The more we blame ourselves for our own problems, the less capable we are to address the real problem:  judgmental people who would try to deny ALL of us from expressing our identities and desires.  We need to be standing together.  What we don't need to be doing, is debating who is real time and who is part time and who is this and who is that.  The fact is that all transgendered people risk facing discrimination, regardless of how OR WHY they are doing whatever they are doing.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: CynthiaAnn on March 27, 2011, 07:44:56 PM
What an interesting thread, I enjoyed reading it today. Responses all over the spectrum. I will only briefly add my experiences to it. Cross dressing started with me at about age 7 with borrowing my sisters clothes, just sneaking on a dress or girl pants when no one was around. Then in my teen age years it got more intense, moved on to my mom's lingerie and things, had stashes of my sister's and mom's clothes in my room. Starting buying my own feminine items at around age 20 after moving out. Then told my wife before we got married about it, she was OK with it, then several purge cycles later, here I am at age 52. It has reached the point now, where I can't turn it off, I am a habitual cross dresser, I pretty much dress full time now, started seeing a GT last year, and am starting to realize I think I am a woman inside, or I want to become a woman. There is not much left to do in the male role any more, transitioning seems to make sense for me. I love being feminine deeply, I am having a hard time trying to "Man up" anymore. I shave my body all the time, I tuck, I am training my voice to be more girlish, and starting to have my facial hair removed. My wife said just the other day "you are turning into a woman". I am still a cross dresser I guess, but no longer does it have the "thrill" it used to, I wear woman's clothes to feel comfortable. So I guess in my case these feelings have evolved over time. Good bye T.

Cynthia Ann
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Barbara on April 20, 2011, 10:12:47 PM
My opinion is that this 5% statistic could be off many fold.The typical crossdresser has to be the highest closet group.There would be no way to poll them (well,honestly anyway).I am sure a high percentage would not admit it even anonymously.So......i will take the liberty of just adding a zero in here to make it 50%.Now.... is'nt that better
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: PhSensei on April 27, 2011, 10:17:26 AM
Crossdressing is to me about self expression and finding comfort in your own skin.  That can mean different things to different people.  Some CD's express their appreciation for tthe female form via emulation.  Others may be expressing their inner female or female side.  But who cares why, the reality is that we ARE.  We have a lot in common with TS's (fear, self worth  issues, and much more) .  Instead of focusing on the didifference lets stick together on aa foundation of similarity.

I have nothing but respect for our transgendered friends.  They are forging a path I can't quite understand, only because in not in that same mental space.  All I can do is be encouraging and wish them the best.

I would hope that the folks that are transgendered would look at us CDs. The same way.  Not quite understanding, but wishing us well and that we find happiness however we can.

Neither path is easy, all are full of challenges big and small.

As for those with sexual motivations; to each their own.  At least they figure out what they like, if they find consenting people to be with more power to them.


Also think of this; how many CD's really are transgender but choose to live a life in both the male and female form as a sacrifice for friends, family etc?
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Iskandra on May 14, 2011, 08:09:32 AM
I stopped reading the excuses and justifications 3 pages ago, because sadly i have to work in the morning..
Some ppl might and will be valid in their reasoning...
But to me, its all about the 'feel'.. Jeans and T's are boring, female clothes have a sensuality, they feel 'nice'...
The variety of textiles and textures is so much greater and lets face it, according to statistics 38% of guys are tactile.. as in touch is their prime sense!!
In a world where most males of a species are better looking than the female, we are conflicted about beauty, yes the fashion and cosmetics industry has a lot to answer for...I dress for feel and sensation, not because i want to pass as a woman...  I am no threat to anyone, nor is my masculinity in doubt!!! Mind you, drove to FF drive through tonight dressed, and driving a manual in 4 inch heels is scary, how do girls do it...lol

The other scary thing is telling my gf, who doesnt 'get it', but ironically is bi...
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Iskandra on May 14, 2011, 08:22:23 AM
Oh, when i say excuses I did not mean to slight anyone, I guess it's more a freuian comment like "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" Sometimes we seek/give explanations for our actions that arent needed... Do what is natural and Mother nature will nourish... Ipso Facto...
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: KittyLondon273 on June 21, 2011, 03:04:18 AM
Quote from: VeryGnawty on February 14, 2011, 06:56:34 AM
These types of views also bother me.  It is not the crossdresser's fault that crossdressing causes society as a whole to want to fit transsexuals into a box.  Yes, I have real problems.  No, crossdressing will not solve those problems.  But I also don't blame crossdressers or drag queen's on my problems.  Some people want to present as the opposite gender some of the time, without hormones or surgery.  If that's what they need to do, I'm fine with that.

Even if crossdressers didn't exist, society would just find another excuse to deny transsexuals.  The problem is in judgmental people, not in other transgendered people who are different than I am.  For many crossdressers, their gender presentation is genuine.  I believe in taking someone for who they are.  If they want to be feminine for a day, I'll react to them accordingly.  If they are coming from a place that is genuine, I'll treat them with respect.

Even if someone dressess for sexual reasons, there's still nothing wrong with it.  If someone gets themselves off by pretending or imagining themselves to be feminine, good for them.  Personally I don't really care what people do with their spare time.  It's not their fault that some idiots with loud mouths proclaim that ALL transgendered people have a sexual fetish.  That is a problem with people with loud mouths, not a problem with people who choose to crossdress.

The more we blame ourselves for our own problems, the less capable we are to address the real problem:  judgmental people who would try to deny ALL of us from expressing our identities and desires.  We need to be standing together.  What we don't need to be doing, is debating who is real time and who is part time and who is this and who is that.  The fact is that all transgendered people risk facing discrimination, regardless of how OR WHY they are doing whatever they are doing.

Thank you Very Gnawty!  That is true!  Very Gnawty and Pia, I get very tired of hearing people say that other people make them look bad.  When you do not hear many cross dressers going around saying "oh transsexuals make me look bad because people will think I want to get surgery so I have a hoo hoo".  We are all people and how we express ourselves is for ourselves, so we be happier.

I never said cross dressers, transvestites, transsexuals or whoever share the same exact gender identity.  Even transsexuals specifically do not share all of the same views and feelings about their gender with each other.  People are people.  If I want to call myself a transsexual but keep my penis, and have long hair, and a five o' clock shadow, and dress up as a furry sometimes, and marry the flipping Tour Eiffel then who cares?!  If another person of the same nationality as me does something I do not agree with, does that make me look bad?  No, it does not at all. 

  I am not going to hide in the closet or not be honest about who I am because some uppity transsexual thinks me being who I am makes them look bad.  It is the same old gay straight, Christian Atheist, argument.  I do not sit cooped up in my apartment thinking of how I could dress that would spite the very name of the transsexual community.  Just please girl, oh puh lease, Pia!
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: KittyLondon273 on June 21, 2011, 03:05:25 AM
Quote from: Pia on February 12, 2011, 02:15:11 PM
Well, I'm not a crossdresser nor a transvestite, and I don't want to be called that.  By the same token, crossdressers & transvestites aren't transsexual.  Crossdressers are men who like wearing the clothes of the opposite sex.  If there's a sexual motivation for the crossdressing, then that person is a transvestite, pure and simple.  There's no other way around it.  I don't support any notion that a crossdresser or transvestite is any form or version of TS.  Nobody "becomes" transsexual.  Transsexuals are born that way.

I'm sick and tired of crossdressers and transvestites telling the whole world that they are "transsexual", and how they "don't need GRS to be complete".  Well, guess what, when crossdressers and transvestites pretend they're transsexual and say that they "don't need GRS"  they jeopardise the well-being of transsexuals.  Why?  Because for transsexuals, GRS is an imperative, and in some instances a matter of life & death.   When full-time crossdressers & transvestites say that GRS is not necessary, governments and medical insurers will continue to deny transsexuals their right for GRS.

If some want to call that "elitism" fine.  but the truth is that I don't have any problems with people identifying as they want.  People can identify as a pot of coffee for all I care, but own your freaking narrative.  That's all I ask.  Have the balls to accept yourself for what you are & don't call yourself something you are not because you may be jeopardising the lives of other people by doing so.

Read my above post.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: tekla on June 21, 2011, 12:24:45 PM
I'm sick and tired of crossdressers and transvestites telling the whole world that they are "transsexual",

But I never hear them say that.  I've heard many CDs/TVs wonder, in that questioning sense we all love so much, if they are TS.  I've seen some who want to be.  I've seen enough find out they are that the old joke: "What's the difference between a CD and TS?  Ten years." has more than a bit of truth in it.  The argument - at least as I've been following it, and it ain't easy - is whether CD&TV get to call themselves TG, and if so, could TS be taken away from TG, as it's something seperate and does not want to be associated with confused with that other group.  But I've never heard any of the CDs/TVs/DQs/benders/queers and the rest of that bunch refer to themselves as TS - though for sure they are crowding in under the TG/Gender Variance tent, and that's not going to change.

If there's a sexual motivation for...
I think there is a sexual motivation for everything if you look at it right.  It's one of the most basic urges, one of the few things we can share as a species and with each other, and even with yourself.  Sex is absolutely tied up in everything.  EVERYthing.  Plus, it's easy to see without looking too far that there is a huge sexual component in the lives of many TS persons too.

"don't need GRS to be complete"
Maybe they don't.  Maybe (very likely) they should be adding "at this time" to the end of that sentence.  Whatever choice seems like the best option for the person choosing it, then that's the one they should opt for.  We're not all on the same path, we're not all going in the same direction, and we're not all doing it for the same reasons in exactly similar percentages but like it or not we are all on the same island, and that's something to keep in mind.

When full-time crossdressers & transvestites say that GRS is not necessary, governments and medical insurers will continue to deny transsexuals their right for GRS.
Because no one gets listened to by governments and the medical community quite like full-time crossdressers & transvestites.  If the government is out to please one group of people, it's CDs and TVs.  For sure on that.  You know, every day when I get up there is a big logjam of calls from the government asking me what policy they ought to be writing today.  Plus I've never heard them say it's not necessary across the board, they are just saying it's not needed for them (at this time).
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: KittyLondon273 on June 21, 2011, 03:58:18 PM
Haha.  Tekla.  I love how you think.  I agree with what you are saying alot.  And Pia, I am sorry if I came off rude, I  was just a wee bit worked up over what you said.  We all have different opinions and that is fine, and that is what I was saying.  We all have different reasons at least not in the same percentages as Tekla said for why we do what we do. 

And Tekla, that thing about sex is true.  A biological traditionally gendered man, does not dress as a man to get his rocks off generally but he will wear things that make him feel sexy most of the time, and the same with females, or just anyone of any gender.  Sex is a factor in some way for many things.

And we cannot blame other's for how the government or any other group supposedly generally treats us.  I do not say it is transsexuals fault that genderqueer's and androgynes are not in some way recognized, none of it makes sense.  But what it comes down to is that life is about self improvement and being happy.  If being gender variant in a way not conforming to some transgender's views makes one happy then you shouldn't be made to feel bad for it.  The same for transsexuals.  They should not be made to feel like them being who they are is a bother to who someone else is.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: Sarah Louise on June 21, 2011, 04:09:13 PM
Its time to end the name calling and verbal attack.

Standard definitions for Susans:  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)

These definitons use TransGendered as an Umbrella term under which all different type of people exist.

Crossdressers are under the TG umbrella, so are Transsexuals.

But here we do understand that the definition of a CD is different than a TS.

I have no issue with any varience represented under that umbrella, we each have our own reasons, issues and goals.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: kate durcal on June 21, 2011, 05:36:09 PM
Quote from: Emerald on August 27, 2006, 12:45:27 AM

What is a Crossdresser?

A Crossdresser is an individual who dresses in clothing characteristic of the other sex.

The term Crossdresser does not refer to a gender identity.  Crossdressers do not see themselves as being a full time member of the other gender or other sex.  However, Crossdressers find fulfillment in the activity and often feel it is a necessary expression of themselves to become a temporary member of the other sex.

The term crossdressing describes the behavior without attributing any motives for the behavior.  In reference to a person, the term Crossdresser suggests the crossdressing behavior is compelling or habitual.

Most Crossdressers experience their first urge to wear the clothing of the other sex at an early age, puberty is typical.  Crossdressers enjoy the expression of the alternate sex or gender for a vast variety of reasons, and most often only as an occasional activity.  Their motivations for crossdressing may change over time.  Frequently, crossdressing becomes an antidote to anxiety or depression and contributes to a sense of inner peace and calm.

Crossdressers may be male or female, many having normal marriages, family lives, and careers.  They may 'purge' on occasion, disposing of their feminine attire (or, in the case of female Crossdressers, masculine attire) in the hope that their desire to crossdress will also disappear.  Crossdressers may encounter difficulties with unsupportive partners or spouses, and may be subjected to employment discrimination even if the crossdressing activity occurs solely outside the workplace.

Crossdressers cultivate the appearance of the other sex, particularly with regard to clothing.  Crossdressing behaviour may also include the use of makeup and adoption of postures, gestures and mannerisms typical of the other sex.  For most Crossdressers, crossdressing is a private form of self-expression.  Crossdressing may also be undertaken on a part-time or recreational basis, such as at clubs and social events, and may or may not have erotic significance.

Transvestite, the archaic term for Crossdresser, has largely fallen into disuse except in a few specific instances.  Current usage of transvestite refers to an individual who wears the clothing of the other sex as a fetishistic practice for sexual arousal.  The clinical term, transvestic fetishism refers to a psychiatric diagnosis.
Two key criteria are required for a diagnosis of transvestic fetishism:
   1. Recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviour, involving crossdressing.
   2. This causes clinically significant distress or impairment, whether socially, at work, or elsewhere.
Thus, transvestic fetishism is not considered to be a mental disorder unless it causes significant problems for the individual concerned.

Crossdressing is also a common behaviour among transsexual individuals to relieve their crossgender feelings.  Transsexuals dress in the attire of their core-gender as a form of gender identity self-expression.  In doing so, the motivations of a Transsexual differ markedly from the motivations of Crossdressers.

The root cause of crossdressing behaviour is unknown.  Crossdressing is not considered to be a mental disorder.  The only 'treatment' for a Crossdresser is to encourage the individual to accept their situation and lifelong need to crossdress.

It is estimated that Crossdressers comprise 5% of the adult male population.  Female Crossdressers are thought to be more rare than male, but this may be erroneous.  Since crossdressing behaviour in females is not prohibited in modern Western societies, little censure is given to women who dress in clothing characteristic of the male sex.  Females who are observed wearing mens clothing are often considered to be individualistic and stylishly attired.

-Emerald  :icon_mrgreen:

You forgo to tell about  the difference between CDs that get sexual rewards with the CDsing and those who do not. Also, soem CDs evolve into TS

Kate D
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: KittyLondon273 on June 22, 2011, 12:10:36 AM
I apologize if I seemed to be verbally attacking anyone and I do not recall any name calling from anyone.
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: I_am_Toni_Lynn on August 25, 2011, 08:33:45 AM
Personally, I take issue with any statement about 'GGs can wear anything they want'. Sorry -- do not pass go, do not collect $200.

When a GG wears pants she is not attempting pass fully as male. When we wear a dress, we do attempt to pass as female.

I offer this. I wear a kilt. In fact, its a denim kilt, not a traditional tartan (although I have those too). My denim kilt is for day to day wear to the store, going to the movies, etc. I make no attempt at the time to look femme. That said, however, to the general public, an un-bifurcated garment such as a kilt is a skirt. Do I catch any schtick from the public. No.

Now, to go the other side -- how many GGs do you know who pack or wear jockstraps or tighty-whities -- very much the equivalent of us wearing panties bras and breast forms. Can you not agree that woman in a 3 piece suit with a white shirt and tie would get as many glances as a guy in a dress.

While I do agree that things are a little bit more relaxed, they are no were near what many MTF CDers perceive.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn
Title: Re: Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?
Post by: MissT on September 17, 2011, 05:03:22 PM
I read with interest the post about FTM crossdressing and how you can't tell if women are trying to look like men or just wearing the clothes.  From my own experience I will say that the clothes without the intention to present oneself as the opposite sex mean nothing.  I have dressed like a man my whole life but never, except when I was very young, ever presented as male. To me wearing the  typical "mans" clothes and being a woman were so natural to my lifestyle that it never occurred to me that I was in fact "crossdressing".

Now fast forward to a few weeks back when my bf and I decided to indulge his fantasy (and mine) and he dressed up in women's clothes.  We discussed me dressing up too and I can tell you I had a moment of panic. Same clothes, same masculine me...but the thought of actually presenting as a man was an entirely different and somewhat scary concept. 

I dig the idea and I will do it one of these days, but the point I am trying to make is that for me, it's all about the intent.