Recent posts
#1
My wife pushed me into updating my wardrobe! I was wearing the same clothes in my 40s that I wore in my 20s! She was worried about possible layoffs so I had to do better as I was approaching 50. We watched What Not to Wear.
But, the real issue wasn't my reluctance to dress better, it was the impossibility of finding age appropriate clothes for a man that can wear Women's size 2 Petite clothes off the rack!
It was her that suggested I buy women's size small clothes in men's styles. Apparently her fear about me being unemployed was stronger than any lingering concerns from me bringing up that I was transgender before we got married! Not only did a buy women's shirts but I also bought a VS PJ set that I wore the night I got it! We had the talk setting ground rules!
Marion
#2
Last post by Robbyv213 - Today at 11:01:16 AM
Thank you for writing this. It is very inspiring and gives me hope.
I am 37 and for many reasons I feel I can transition for at least 4 years. There is so much wasted time. I don't know if I can wait 4 years, ignoring and repressing her.
Thank you again for your inspirational post
#3
Last post by BlueJaye - Today at 10:51:54 AM
Hi, Robby,
Your story is somewhat similar to mine in that I always knew I was a girl since my earliest childhood memories. Though the sexual abuse and pron stuff you mentioned was never a part of my life. And that is what I often tell people about that kind of stuff. I don't believe any amount of sexual abuse or porn or social media makes somebody transgender. I grew up in the absence of all that stuff and here I am, in the same boat. Just as transgender as you.
Did that stuff have an impact on your life? I'm sure it did, and therapy is the venue for addressing those issues. But there is nothing you can point your finger at and say "that's the reason why I am how I am" when it comes to gender identity.
I'm sorry that your wife ambushed you and attacked you in such a vulnerable moment. Nobody should be ambushed while naked in a shower. That was entirely uncalled for, and I honestly don't think I would be able to ever trust her again had I been in your shoes in that situation. Since she had been reading your messages, she would have already understood that this was a very painful and confusing portion of your life and to treat you in that way was intentionally cruel and demeaning.
I guess I am hopeful to some degree, since she didn't immediately leave you or file for divorce. But given how she treated you, I wouldn't be super surprised if she is making an exit plan and just waiting until she feels like she has a plan in place before she ends the marriage.
But, who knows. I went through a two year separation from my wife, and even after all that, we're still together and our marriage is better than it has been in a long time.
#4
Last post by Robbyv213 - Today at 10:50:41 AM
I feel you can but I feel it's more so something that is self-imposed than anything else. I guess it most likely comes with finally accepting truly accepting oneself and no longer use being transgendered as something that describes you just like being gay or lesbian or bisexual or one of the many other orientations I feel that we including myself use this as something that mainly describes us as a person even though it is just one small aspect of our whole entirety as an individual.
So I don't know if any of that is making sense but I feel that once we get to a point of truly accepting be that a moment of clarity or finally getting to a point where you look in the mirror and see the person you've always been I'm not sure which I'm sure it's different for everyone but I feel once we get to that moment that specific moment of clarity we no longer use that one aspect of ourselves that we have used to describe ourselves or help describe ourself and it's just something that's there in the background.
Like for instance if I said I was a United States Marine I use that very largely for a long time of my life to describe who I am and who I was instead of saying hi I'm Robbie I'm loving I'm carrying them an optimist or I'm a pessimist or I like doing x y and z for fun no instead I typically say I'm a United States Marine I'm an amateur bodybuilder I'm trans on bisexual instead of granted those things are very large aspects that have made up my entire life but they aren't what make me who I am if that makes sense I feel eventually everyone stops being trans at a certain point of acceptance and I don't mean acceptance like when you initially accepted that your gender was not what you were born biologically with or even acceptance of getting over the doubt and the lingering thoughts that what you were feeling and thinking isn't true or real that you were playing games on yourself created by your mind.
Again I don't know if any of this is making sense but yes I do feel at some point everyone stops being trans because they just become themselves and being trans is something that goes into the background it is a part of them but it's not the whole part or the main part or even a big part anymore because you're living your life in the gender that you knew you were and as time goes on as your world and relationships rebuild as your work life and finances get better again I feel you just become the man or woman or whatever gender you align with you just become it if that makes sense
#5
Last post by Robbyv213 - Today at 10:42:11 AM
Firstly I have just accepted that I am woman. I have been ignoring this and repressing it for a while.
I know there is no such thing as a typical transition guideline or "route". That everyone transitions differently to best meet their needs.
My question is what seems to be the most common first steps of transitioning.
For me I feel I'd want to try to transition as quietly and secretly as possible. Getting on low dose hrt, getting hair removal going, possibly getting an orchiectomy, before doing anything that is really noticable like breast augmentation or FFS.
Unfortunately I know most surgeon require a lot before they proceed with any surgery that is irreversible. Like for instance living as the opposite gender for a whole year, being on HRT for a whole year, having support letters etc.
I know I won't pass. I am very masculine. I have also been bodybuilding for over 24 years of my life and have also been on and off steroids for over 10 years. I feel I most likely did that as a way to repress the woman inside, just like everything else I did that is considered what a man should do.
That being said I know it should not be about passing, it should be about mental and physical health. But let's face it, passing and having beauty helps in the real world.
At best I would be viewed as a large muscular female bodybuilder. I could never be that slender image of what society says women should look like. So that's why I'd want to do all transitional procedures that can't be seen first before I have to give the world and everyone I know a sudden surprise wake up when I am suddenly a woman and not a man that they have known and is use to interacting with on a daily basis for years.
Any advice and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you everyone. I'm really lost and I feel my emotional, and mental health are degrading fast each day.
#6
Last post by davina61 - Today at 10:37:43 AM
I got underway earlier this morning, welded up the rear hinge cover and it fits!!. Put a layer of glass matting on the corner bit I made the other day and had to come home at 1.30 due to the fumes. Still at least it will have cured for tomorrow.
Still hot, TBH its turned muggy now its clouded over a bit. Summer duvet has been on for the last few nights .
#7
Last post by Robbyv213 - Today at 10:22:20 AM
Thank you. I have made a post in the intro section.
#8
Last post by Robbyv213 - Today at 10:18:14 AM
Sorry it's so long. It would only let me type so much at a time.
It's a month or so now since all this happened and nothing's changed. It's the elephant in the room that we ignore. It has been swept under the rug. Life is ok. We aren't fighting and we make love occasionally so that's good, but it's eatting me up inside. It's not going away and I feel the longer I try to ignore it the more dramatic ways it will lash out
#9
Last post by Robbyv213 - Today at 10:15:33 AM
As for now I'm going to continue or restart my therapy sessions. I'm going to continue to try and answer all these questions for myself with the help of doing research and talking to people and professionals. And we've agreed to be open and honest to be transparent to not do anything without discussing it first in terms of transitioning. Which is probably the best route.
With all this said I'm still not so sure my marriage will survive this we're both hurt and we both lost a lot of trust and I feel like now nothing personal is off limits and that there are no personal boundaries I can't even have deep personal thoughts remain my own if she would have it her way. I feel every step I take to explore and find out who I am is a step away from her my marriage and family.
All I know is that I'm not getting any younger and I feel like owe it to myself to at least explore an experiment with this and see if it feels right or if it feels like this is been The missing Link in my life all this time or who knows I could be like what the f*** am I doing this is stupid and silly this is not for me I don't know but I feel I at least owe it to myself to explore this side of me. I wish I had done it a long time ago because if I did ultimately end up deciding to transition I'd have a whole lot more time to become the woman I meant to be. Versus trying to transition later on in life which is not impossible as I've seen many of you on this forum successfully do that but there's always that what if in the back of your head that if you did it sooner how things would have turned out would you have been more pleased with your transition and body and dysphoria versus doing it later in life.
I know life doesn't always give us the best options and timing for when things happen and there's always a great deal of things to consider in every decision we make.
So for now I am still me I'm still a male and presenting as a male I'm questioning my gender, and what it all means and what are all the possible outcomes good and bad but it's hard to see the good when initially all you're going to see and deal with is the negative consequences. I am hopeful which is weird because I am a very typically pessimistic and negative person and personality. I just usually always prepare for the worst and I'm usually right in doing so. But I just feel like I can't continue living life the way I'm living it I need to finally resolve this issue versus trying to repress it.
So far 2024 has been one hell of a roller coaster ride.
#10
Last post by Robbyv213 - Today at 10:14:30 AM
There is some kind of sense of relief that she knows but at the same time I feel like it's a giant elephant in the room walking on eggshells even if we aren't actively having the conversation about transition and what it all means and what I need from her and what she expects or needs from me.
After all this has gone on she's still here she hasn't asked me for divorce or asked me to find somewhere else to live or even asked me to sleep in a different part of the house. So I guess that's a good sign for now she does love me but she is who she is and she has told me many times she's not attracted to women and if I become one she doesn't know how long she'll be able to stick around she likes men she likes having sex with men if I am not a man then our relationship and marriage especially the physical aspect will change forever and either we find a compromise and a way around it or I guess ultimately the relationship is over maybe we still be friends we still love and care about each other but a marriage is probably going to dissolve. And if I transition who knows how I may evolve and who knows what things change about me as of right now I'm still attracted to my wife and women will I be a lesbian so to speak if I become a woman or will my orientation change as I continue to take hormones and feel more feminine. As I've read a lot on the internet and again by no means these are experts saying these things but the most feminine thing a man can do is to be with another man, as in being the female or playing the female role while having sexual intercourse with a man.
And to complicate things further my wife has children with her ex they're not too young but they're still living with us and they're still sharing custody and of course she's afraid she might lose custody if I ever come out officially in transition because there's a lot of negative stereotypes around being trans in general.
It's a very complicated matter. But like I said for now we're still married we're still talking there have been no ultimatums and she's still around. We even made love a few days later and it was intense and felt amazing but again we'll see how things develop maybe it was just make up sex who knows.
