Susan's Place Transgender Resources

What helped me begin my long road to my freedom was 3 things
1/Pain, I looked at death as the last choice
2/Hope, I was planing to begin all of this at a later point in my life, but I choice to begin now because of the pain it was causeing me
3/Music, I made my choice to be real after listening to the Disturbed song Hell. Some how after listening to that song, everything made sense, my will and soul started to burn with hope after I heard that song.

Well Carolyn,

I guess that someone has to be first.  I choose Family and Friends not because they were so helpful, but because when I tried to talk to my ex, she when nutziod.  She demanded that I get help to do away with my feelings.  And when I told her, after a long running battle that I had to be true to myself.  I thought she would have been more excepting because we're friends when I tried to transition before.  But instead we separated, sold our house and went our own way.  Since then I have been on a rocket sled on rails.

I am so glad that I am at last able to be free to be me.

Janet

I used music and movies for inspiration. I've always loved movies about "waking up" and "escaping the inescapable" like The Matrix and The Shawshank Redemption. But I started to hate myself, for as much as I admired what those people did... as much as I wanted to BE that true to my values... I hid myself and lived vicariously *through* those stories.

But it couldn't last forever. There came a point where I had to put the movies away, and live MY story.

I think what finally broke me was V for Vendetta... especially the part about Valerie's note and Evey's "I'd rather die behind the chemical sheds."

I just totally lost it, I could NOT stop crying... because I knew. I KNEW.

So would I.

~Kate~

Living a lie was worse when everybody just bought it. Eventually I just couldn't take it anymore.

After 40+ years of inertia/denial/stealth/lies/stress/circumstances/bad parents/bad employers/social attitudes etc., I had a stroke, then another stroke and then a third stroke and by this time I had a moment of clarity.

Time was running out, my fear was misplaced and that it was the time to take control of what time I had left to fulfill my destiny.  I think that made me 'come out' and you figure how I voted  :)

Quote from: Carolyn on July 23, 2008, 10:51:30 AMWhat made you come out?

The mere fact that I was a girl, pretending to be someone I was not, trying to live a life that wasn't mine and destroying myself on top of everything else.  That in itself made me come out.

tink :icon_chick:

It wasn't pain and suffering that forced me to transition. 

It was peace and harmony between body an soul.

Chaunte

I was self injuring and I had to be honest why. I had to be honest because I wanted to stop hurting myself, so I was hoping they could help. It's been about 6 months with no progress. But at least I stopped burning my arms.

My life's circumstances were telling me it was time to come out, transition, and then live as authentically as I could. It  became very unhealthy to try and live as birth gender, it was like dying a slow death, my spirit and soul were withering inside. Hindsight tells me I made the right choice at the right time, the outcome today is wonderful and better than I expected.

C -

Pain,I was anaesthetizing with alcohol & drugs. I am too much of a coward for suicide but I knew I would be dead soon, not by suicide but by accident. I fell through a glass door (with a few minor cuts), set the chip pan on fire cooking while drunk etc.Death didn't scare me but the thought of dying after an unfulfilled life of pain & misery did.

I no longer could see my life as a male.  I almost had a double life and I was romantically becoming involved with men who saw/knew me as a woman... But then I'd go to my therapist job as a "male" and act or look the way others expected me to. It almost made me want to give up my freedom and go to jail (I was fixated that this would be the only place I would be seen and treated as a woman), but I couldn't even do that because my dysphoria was so bad. The thought of not getting laser hair removal on my face and losing freedom made me realize that jail wouldn't be right for me. In retrospect I'm embarrassed now that I was so ashamed of being a transwoman.  In reality, I'm scared of being vulnerable and letting my guard down... I'm scared of getting hurt or being abandonded.

Since transitioning on hrt and socially, I've learned a lot of new lessons.. I am alone in life. I can make new friends and new experiences and that it's all up to me to make a life that I want for myself... Yes, it's still lonely, but now the guys that I would meet at night, I can forget about them during the day. That last line sounds kind of pathetic as I'm typing it out... But it's true. I'm living my life while showcasing my sexuality just like every man, woman and non binary person does. We're humans and we're sexual beings, too.  That's why I'm transexual and I'm grateful to know I am.

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

I've always been my real self, at the expense of being seen as a "normal" person and at expense of living a regular life which apparently I couldn't do. It was the 35 years living it and learning from experience that *I* was not going to change that I knew there was a choice to make.

a) do nothing and carry on on knowing exactly how life is going to be (i.e. broken) until the day of death
b) try transition and see if it was going to "fix" me.

I could have carried on and done nothing but I wanted to see if I could be fixed, and I didn't want to regret not doing it on my deathbed.

So, fatigue from living with this disease because that's exactly what I see it as, and curiosity. It wasn't logical to continue on without trying when I am not a passive person and I do not deal well with regret for "not doing" things.

I chose "Pain/Suffering" because I was so miserable as a "female" that I finally knew I had to transition.  I've basically been androgynous since the late '80s/early '90s anyways, so I figured that I might as well go all the way.

My biggest fear was dying as a female.  I don't want anything on my grave or urn or whatever to reflect that.  I don't want people saying "she was a good woman," or anything of the sort at my Life Celebration.  I want them to say "he was a good man" instead.

Silly, but it means so much to me.

Ryuichi

Quote from: Ryuichi13 on April 21, 2019, 10:25:09 PM

Silly, but it means so much to me.

Ryuichi

I don't think it's silly to want to be remembered as your true self Ryuichi. I totally get this vibe from the other direction. I want her to be remember for what she did when I'm gone.

C -

When I realized that I didn't (have to) GAS what anyone else thought.   Not sure which category on the poll that is. LOL.

Pain is the primary motivator for me.  Pain has brought me several times throughout my life to "come out" to others, and tell them that I really felt like I should be a woman, was a woman inside, etc. But in the past, this wasn't enough to make me overcome my fear and transition.

There are times when you could hand me the key on a plate, and I cant even see it, much less accept it, or use it to open the door to life.

Along with the pain, what is making me come out and transition today is Hope.

Quote from: JamesG on April 22, 2019, 07:58:23 AM
When I realized that I didn't (have to) GAS what anyone else thought.   Not sure which category on the poll that is. LOL

I think that comes under "Family/Friends." since you don't GAS what they think!  ;)

Ryuichi

Quote from: Ryuichi13 on April 22, 2019, 02:51:10 PM
I think that comes under "Family/Friends." since you don't GAS what they think!  ;)

Ah..... close enough.