I grew up in a somewhat "middle" sized community, about 35,000. 90% white, the other 10% mexican. A little town called Moorhead,MN...right across the river from the infamous Fargo. (Yeah, a lot of us talk like that). The discrimination wasn't so much the people, as it was the school district.
I grew up in a "middle class" family, nice neighborhood, parents were married (until I was about 16). K-4 I did very well in school. Played on the boys baseball team, played rough at the park with my brother and his friends. 5-6, I picked up hockey, had a lot of friends, was obviously "tomboy" in everyones eyes. This was around the time I really started feeling confused. I had an equal amount of friends boys/girls. Always wanted to have sleep overs with my guy friends, so we could play nintendo, and act like ninjas. My mom used to make me sleep at my cousins house (same age as me) and I HATED it, cuz she'd always want to play house.
This is around the same time I started going over to Fargo, and introducing myself to girls as Joe. My parents would get 5-10 calls a night for "Joe", and it didnt take long before they realized this wasn't always just a wrong number, something was going on. I always denied they were calling for me. So it continued, Id have my innocent gf's, that new nothing about me, other than I was Joe.
Junior high is when things started to get more and more complicated. I was an outstanding hockey player, (started varsity in 8th grade), was decent in school, but my dieciving ways were now taking over. Rumors started to flare around the school. But being somewhat popular and athletic, I didnt hear much of it. I was friends with all the guys, and the girls were scared Id beat um up. I continued introducing myself to girls out of my school district as Joe, and the rumors started to surface over there. When confronted by them, Id lie my way out of it, convince them it was false, then dump them and go onto the next.
Everytime I was "outed" even if they said they still wanted to be with me, I felt too uncomfortable to continue it. So this brings us to 9th-10th grade. By this time rumors were all over both towns, yet I still somehow always had a gf. Rumors were ALL over the high school, and my brother who was a senior was constantly kicking dudes butts over hearing them talking smack about me.
I had started a relationship with a girl we'll call Sara. We "went out" for about 2 months, never did anything more but kiss, and touch a little. Her friend came to her with the rumors, and Sara hounded me for answers. I continued lying my way out of it. She came from a VERY strict catholic background, and when her mom heard the rumors, went straight to my high school, with her, sat my principal down and said she wanted to see the schools yearbook. He showed her, and she asked to see a picture of me, Joe *****, he said there was no Joe with that last name but there was *****(birth name), showed her my picture, and the truth was out. Her mother was furious.
Sara called me that night, crying, said she knew the truth, and still wanted to be friends with me but her mom wouldnt allow her to be with me.
2 nights later we get a knock at our front door. Theres a police man standing there, hands me a supena for court! My mother new by this time I had been pertraying myself off as a male, and always tried to get me to stop, fearing id be killed. My parents immediately got a lawyer. Saras parents wanted to charge me with sexual assault, and wanted me labled at age 14 as a sex offender!
Don't get me wrong, I know what I was doing, lying and manipulating these girls was wrong, but I was no sex offender. And thankfully the judge agreed. The judge ordered I take a trip down to Minneapolis to a hospital that specializes in human sexuality and be evaluated. Went through extensive psychological testing, had blood work done, and they even hooked me up to one of those machines they do child predators. The ones where you have to look at pictures of naked children to see if it "arouses" you. I was 14 yrs old!
Tests come back, that's when a lot of things started makign sense. I was diagnosed with GID, and my testosterone levels showed 5-7x more testosterone pumping out then a "normal" female. Judge rules, disorderly conduct and that is that. By this time my mother was furious at the school district, amongst other things in this town. She wrote a letter to the schools super intendent, demanding they get programs at the high school for GLBT students. Here in Minnesota, they have laws protecting GLBT people, and she started calling all over the US looking for help.
Not even a week later, Im at school (skipping a period with about 10 other kids). We're on school grounds. Me and 2 other kids were standing on top of a picnic table, when we saw security officers come. We all took off running to the near by park. 5 minutes later a police squad car pulls up, gets out, comes right to me, puts me in handcuffs and brings me back to school. ONLY ME. Brings me to the principals office, principal says...
Principal: Do you want me to call your mother, or do you want to call her?
Me: Call her for what?
Principal: We can no longer tolerate this at this school, you're being expelled
Me: *LAUGHS* I'll call her
She's down there in 10 mins. I figure im going to get my butt chewed hardcore. My mother is the SWEETEST woman I've ever met. NEVER loses her temper, extremely passive. She walks in, looks at me tells me to get my bag we're leaving. The principal starts to talk, like he's going to explain things, and my mother says "I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT!".
She calls down a group of activists from the Minneapolis area, sets up a meeting with the schools super intentent, principal, assistant principal, and me. Btw, I was expelled with THREE days left of my sophmore year. This meeting took place a good 2 months later.
These GLBT activists explain to the school they need to have a program in the school for GLBT students, or they could get in trouble with the state. Principal tries to explain they used to have one, but no one ever showed up. GEEEEE, I WONDER WHY.
Long story, short. We moved. Later found out we could have sued, but my family is rather large there, and we decided not to. About 4 years later, the school was sued for prejudice against the mexican community workers at the school. SUCKERS!
The town I grew up in. The town I played sports in, lived my entire childhood in, is now a faded memory. I go back every now and then to visit family, and the few friends I have left. But it's hard to even remember the past there.
Hi Joey- that's quite a story. It's sad that we live with such prejudice and fear. I live in Ashland,WI and am attempting to get the AODA folks to help get this to the school system. It looks like I might have some success in a small town south of here. About 20 yrs ago a gay male had similiar problems and he got the ACLU to help. They sued the school and got 1 million as a settlement. Sadly, he never comes back to his home town. We have to change their thinking. You have great courage Joey good luck with your future. Love and Hugs Jolene
I was told by 2 different lawyers I too could of sued the school, and more than likely won. I wonder if there's a statue of limitations for that? Anyone know?
At the time we decided not to because our family is well known, but my dad, mom, and brother all moved away. So now, who gives a rats ass? Not I. Plus, it'd be nice to have my old high school pay for my surgeries, ha!
Limitations vary from state to state. You should check with a lawyer locally.
Dennis
Your story had an eerie similarity to "Boys Don't Cry".....I'm very glad it didn't end the same way :)
Intolerance...be it race, religion, sexuality or gender has been the root of more suffering and death in this world that can be counted, yet, human beings continue not only to practice it but glorify it.
Joey,
You stood up for yourself; you should be proud of that. Your family, especially your mother, stood behind you; you are truly blessed, and should be grateful.
Thank you for the inspiring story,
Kelly