I was irritated when I overheard on the radio someone asking, "Until you get it cut off, isn't it just cross dressing?"
Arrrgh!
What are some of the dumb and unenlightened things trans-related have you heard?
Chrissy
I think I see your point that the person on the radio did not understand that trans women are women even before the operation.
However, even trans people sometimes use unenlightened language that has been drummed into them from an early age. For example, when describing what I did as a child that helped to identify me as trans, I sometimes refer to cross-dressing, even though trans women are really cross-dressing when they feel forced to present as male. I'm sure that the equivalent is true for trans men.
This has been a topic with me for so long I forget there are people out there who do not even think about this every day. Mind. Blowing!
Really, lots of scoffs and looks over here. I Just charm them with my amazing personality though like nothing happened ::) :P running out of material though now!
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 07, 2019, 03:31:09 PMWhat are some of the dumb and unenlightened things trans-related have you heard?
Funny, I was just talking about this earlier this evening with a cis girlfriend. It amazes me how people who are otherwise quite intelligent can be so clueless as to what is going on with us. Some of it is due to unintentional misstatements by trans people, who aren't seeking clinical exactitude but simply expressing how they feel.
For example ...
"I feel like a woman," said by an mtf, is frequently attacked with the argument, "how do you know what being a woman feels like?" More accurately, the statement should have been, "I feel more like myself when I conceptualize myself as a woman"; but who speaks that way?
Or, when some trans people speak of changing sex or gender, when all they are really doing is changing presentation.
I'm not being judgmental; I'm just trying to explain the dynamic as I've encountered it. I can't tell you how many times I've had to explain these things to social conservatives.
I'm actually under the impression that 'clueless' people push their only actual emotions away and deem them dumb so as to further their advancements in their career because all people want is money and fame now. Being anything different hurts your 'social reputation ^-^', and its true! There would probably be more of us on this forum if it weren't for basic societal norms and people acting like they're gods all the time. ::)
I call it willful ignorance and it's a thing with some, they really don't want to know and they have their own ideas of how it should be, ugggg.
When willful ignorance is detected it's filtered and notched, next....
Only way to fix it is to tell them what it really is.
I am confronted once in a while that I cannot be trans, because I am intersex. They argument, because of my intersex syndromes, I am partially woman anyway, and therefore I cannot be trans. I wonder sometimes if I could be 1/2 or 1/3 trans, to allow that male part in me to also become a woman?
I had a lengthy discussion with another trans woman about this the other day, she told me that I never can be trans!
Quote from: MaryT on April 07, 2019, 05:13:48 PM
even though trans women are really cross-dressing when they feel forced to present as male. I'm sure that the equivalent is true for trans men.
Presenting male is a lot harder than presenting female even though I'm AMAB.
Even my hair is easier, as it is naturally wavy with a ton of volume. And now it is long enough to stay out of my eyes. ;D
Quote from: Dietlind on April 16, 2019, 08:59:49 PM
I am confronted once in a while that I cannot be trans, because I am intersex. They argument, because of my intersex syndromes, I am partially woman anyway, and therefore I cannot be trans. I wonder sometimes if I could be 1/2 or 1/3 trans, to allow that male part in me to also become a woman?
I had a lengthy discussion with another trans woman about this the other day, she told me that I never can be trans!
Did she say that you are genderqueer?
Chrissy
Quote from: Dietlind on April 16, 2019, 08:59:49 PM
I am confronted once in a while that I cannot be trans, because I am intersex. They argument, because of my intersex syndromes, I am partially woman anyway, and therefore I cannot be trans.
I had a lengthy discussion with another trans woman about this the other day, she told me that I never can be trans!
This is the height of stupidity. Is being trans some kind of merit badge? I hope you aren't taking the opinion of this person seriously.
Being trans is a matter of being something other than what you appear to be, or were raised to be, or thought you were ... It simply means "other," in the sense of different, not what was expected.
This person is some kind of trans fundamentalist. Consider the source. :)
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 16, 2019, 09:10:41 PM
Did she say that you are genderqueer?
Chrissy
No, just that I am intersex, I cannot be anything else, just remain in limbo for the rest of my life!
I probably should consider hiring with a traveling circus as the woman who is a man , or something like this!
I have had a similar conversation with someone who is an early onset or primary transsexual. She had quite a girlish childhood.
I happened to be quite boyish as a child and grew up to have a very masculine adult life until the last few years. Despite the childhood belief I had a girl in me I am a type of late onset transsexual.
My trans friend remarked I am not really trans because of my masculine life. I said good - what do you call my condition that I deal with everyday,? should I tell my wife Im just pretending? I have tried very hard to step away from this female identity thing!
That may be true- maybe Im not trans, I said how do you just forget the whole thing and just get on with being a man?. She couldnt really answer
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Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on April 17, 2019, 01:37:46 PM
I have had a similar conversation with someone who is an early onset or primary transsexual. She had quite a girlish childhood.
I happened to be quite boyish as a child and grew up to have a very masculine adult life until the last few years. Despite the childhood belief I had a girl in me I am a type of late onset transsexual.
My trans friend remarked I am not really trans because of my masculine life. I said good - what do you call my condition that I deal with everyday,? should I tell my wife Im just pretending? I have tried very hard to step away from this female identity thing!
That may be true- maybe Im not trans, I said how do you just forget the whole thing and just get on with being a man?. She couldnt really answer
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This grading of being trans a little or a lot is absolut stupid. You may be at a different point of your transition, but you are still trans!
It is the same as trying to say a little or a lot pregnant!
It is a shame that someone being dragged out of a restroom never has a chance to explain anything until they are in a patrol car. People see something out of the ordinary and go in attack mode. Some of the social conservatives are so steadfast in their ignorance that they will refuse to hear any sort of explanation.
Best of luck to those whom get an opportunity to try to explain what we go through without it turning into a shouting match.
Quote from: Lady Sarah on April 17, 2019, 07:30:45 PM
It is a shame that someone being dragged out of a restroom never has a chance to explain anything until they are in a patrol car. People see something out of the ordinary and go in attack mode. Some of the social conservatives are so steadfast in their ignorance that they will refuse to hear any sort of explanation.
Best of luck to those whom get an opportunity to try to explain what we go through without it turning into a shouting match.
That is one of the reason that I am happy to now have an ID that identifies me clearly as F. Not even cops can do anything against that!
Quote from: Dietlind on April 17, 2019, 07:48:07 PM
That is one of the reason that I am happy to now have an ID that identifies me clearly as F. Not even cops can do anything against that!
Correction: many cops don't care what your identification says. In fact, I was threatened with 20 years in prison if I didn't get my birth certificate changed back to male with my dead name... At the Ripley, Mississippi DMV. I had to go through the ACLU to threaten a lawsuit just so I could get a driver's license. Then, one of them tried to arrest me for putting down an incorrect height on the application. I had him measure my height, and he had to eat crow. This was in 2002, and not much has changed since with the way the world is.
Quote from: Lady Sarah on April 17, 2019, 09:19:30 PM
Correction: many cops don't care what your identification says. In fact, I was threatened with 20 years in prison if I didn't get my birth certificate changed back to male with my dead name... At the Ripley, Mississippi DMV. I had to go through the ACLU to threaten a lawsuit just so I could get a driver's license. Then, one of them tried to arrest me for putting down an incorrect height on the application. I had him measure my height, and he had to eat crow. This was in 2002, and not much has changed since with the way the world is.
That is so evil.
Quote from: Lady Sarah on April 17, 2019, 09:19:30 PM
Correction: many cops don't care what your identification says. In fact, I was threatened with 20 years in prison if I didn't get my birth certificate changed back to male with my dead name... At the Ripley, Mississippi DMV. I had to go through the ACLU to threaten a lawsuit just so I could get a driver's license. Then, one of them tried to arrest me for putting down an incorrect height on the application. I had him measure my height, and he had to eat crow. This was in 2002, and not much has changed since with the way the world is.
That action you described they took sounds so wrong and so unkind.
Chrissy
The very first time I publicly dressed as myself and presented myself to my mom: "I don't see it."
Later that evening I went to a local trans group's meeting where I was put under a hot spotlight: "What's your girl name? You can't be transsexual because you're not tall/left-handed/have arched eyebrows/etc. You're just a crossdresser."
That night destroyed my self-esteem and confidence and set off over a decade of transphobia in myself. I didn't want anything to do with other trans people in person and I was always, always looking over my shoulder, always feeling each and every person's eyes on me, caused me to be afraid to walk into my front yard, and it stoked that Imposter Syndrome to the point that when my husband asked for a divorce I couldn't face living alone as this vulnerable person so I did the unthinkable and went back to presenting as male. This has been the worst 2-3-year experiment of my life, but at least it's set in stone in my mind that yes, I am, in fact, a woman, and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it.
Trans hierarchies piss me off and I'll have nothing to do with them.
My heartfelt sorrow was created from hearing of your terrible treatment with some unaccepting trans-people.
That is such a shame.
May you have much better experiences ahead of you.
There will always be people that look down on others for some no good reason. That is not right.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 19, 2019, 03:54:01 PM
My heartfelt sorrow was created from hearing of your terrible treatment with some unaccepting trans-people.
That is such a shame.
May you have much better experiences ahead of you.
There will always be people that look down on others for some no good reason. That is not right.
Hugs,
Chrissy
It was confidence-shattering, for sure. That night had its lasting effects on me, too. :(
The good news is that I've found a new group of people recently that seem to be extremely open-minded and accept all people in all stages of transition and all forms of gender expression. I've been to three bi-weekly meetings so far at one of their meeting places and I'm going to my first at their second meeting place this weekend. I met their discussion leader for that location this last weekend.
They and a few select friends have been key to my decision to speed my retransition along. :)
While my mom is passively supportive of me, she tends to be actively supportive of me--and all of us-- with others. She even told all of her family members that asked her about my detransition a couple of years ago that I was pretending to be something I was not when I went back to male-mode, which was nice to hear and made my new coming out note--rather than a long, detailed coming out letter--a whole lot simpler. :)
That group back in 2003 pretty much destroyed me for well over a decade and now I'm just gaining some of myself back. :)