Susan's Place Transgender Resources

General Discussions => Entertainment => Humor => Topic started by: CindyJames on June 22, 2014, 09:06:08 pm

Title: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: CindyJames on June 22, 2014, 09:06:08 pm
A farmer lived in ancient Rome. He was working in the fields one day when he came across a giant strawberry, about one foot wide and 18 inches high. He thought this would be a novelty that many would want to see, so he took it home, washed it off, and set up a display in a case. He advertised the giant strawberry far and wide, and people came from all over to see the exhibit. He charged admission and made a pile of money.

However, he failed to report his earnings to the tax authorities, so they came to his farm to confiscate the exhibit. When they arrived at his door, he said, "I suppose you have come all this way to admire my exhibit as well?"

"No," they said. "We've come to seize your berry, not to praise it."






Edited title a bit to merge topics
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 23, 2014, 08:18:45 pm
The last bad jokes thread was lost to malware, but we have rebuilt it--stronger, faster, cheesier than before.

You will moan, you will groan, you will hide your face and snicker in silent shame.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 23, 2014, 08:20:15 pm
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues (http://imgur.com/5P9HR9S)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: immortal gypsy on June 23, 2014, 08:28:39 pm
The last bad jokes thread was lost to malware, but we have rebuilt it--stronger, faster, cheesier than before.


So we are saying these are "The Six Million Dollar Jokes"
Personally I prefered Jamie Sommers over Steve Austin
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Nero on June 23, 2014, 08:33:51 pm
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues
issues (http://imgur.com/5P9HR9S)

Must be really bad, cause I don't get it.  :laugh: Nice shoes though.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on June 23, 2014, 08:58:27 pm
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a rhinoceros?

Not quite sure, but it certainly is a horny little pecker 
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: EmoAlice on June 23, 2014, 09:06:16 pm
Must be really bad, cause I don't get it.  :laugh: Nice shoes though.

ten issues = tennis shoes
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 24, 2014, 08:08:29 am
(http://i.imgur.com/fZxu1c2.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: EmoAlice on June 24, 2014, 02:53:13 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_B5UrI7nAI
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jill F on June 24, 2014, 03:01:20 pm
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a rhinoceros?

Not quite sure, but it certainly is a horny little pecker

Oh, that's bad.  Reminds me of this one you've all heard since the beginning of time.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?

Elephino.

I was going to post this piece of <poo>-
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fish.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on June 24, 2014, 03:32:09 pm
The last bad jokes thread was lost to malware, but we have rebuilt it--stronger, faster, cheesier than before.

You will moan, you will groan, you will hide your face and snicker in silent shame.

Oh my...civilization has been set back an undetermined number of time-units with the loss...;)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 24, 2014, 03:44:32 pm
I commented in another thread how devastated I am. It's like the burning of the Library of Alexandria.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on June 24, 2014, 04:31:40 pm
Wanna hear a good knock knock joke?

You start.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 25, 2014, 03:05:11 pm
Statuetory rape (http://imgur.com/96tylWf) (It's actually fairly SFW)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 30, 2014, 04:29:38 pm
Bad joke is right at the beginning of the video if you don't want to watch the whole thing. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91VUFVp1eXk
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 01, 2014, 03:49:39 pm
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction!

The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder warned, 'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.'

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian and as he walked away, he turned and asked,

"By the way, just in case: how do I stop the medicine working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, but then she asked...........

"What was the 1-2-3 for.......?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Nero on July 01, 2014, 04:06:13 pm
LOL that was actually pretty good.  :laugh:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on July 02, 2014, 09:23:54 am
This tickled my funny bone, it's so how my kids were!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKHeXC7L85s
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 03, 2014, 09:06:13 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/yfTLMNH.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 03, 2014, 10:17:17 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/GQPAxIJ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 03, 2014, 10:19:56 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/THpVrxx.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: CindyJames on July 04, 2014, 12:41:34 am
Seven days without a pun makes one weak
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Julia-Madrid on July 04, 2014, 01:24:50 am
Seven days without a pun makes one weak

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh!

But look on the bright side - you have a weak end coming up  ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: CindyJames on July 04, 2014, 03:35:19 am
https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10387292_769471239758249_4194019954279006649_n.jpg (https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10387292_769471239758249_4194019954279006649_n.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: immortal gypsy on July 04, 2014, 04:32:33 am
https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10387292_769471239758249_4194019954279006649_n.jpg (https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10387292_769471239758249_4194019954279006649_n.jpg)

I think this would be a good place to start
Latitude 18º55'N to 28º27'N
Longitude 154º48'W to 178º22'W
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 04, 2014, 07:23:52 am
(http://i.imgur.com/WNPlZzo.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/VTGtNYN.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 04, 2014, 08:42:48 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Pga8iqe.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on July 07, 2014, 03:08:24 pm
http://youtu.be/lNDiZGdDBcI
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Stephanie2 on July 07, 2014, 03:15:08 pm
So I take it that you can't captor a raptor?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 07, 2014, 07:29:05 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/4Oxv2xu.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 07, 2014, 09:56:52 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Lq2C9a1.png) (http://bullybloggers.wordpress.com/freedom-society-page/)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 07, 2014, 10:01:11 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Lh6MuPp.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 08, 2014, 09:13:34 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Xc17phg.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 08, 2014, 09:22:23 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/azIVUi3.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Michaela Whimsy on July 08, 2014, 10:55:46 pm
What do you call an Amish person elbow deep in the back of a horse? 

...a mechanic
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 09, 2014, 10:11:11 am
BAD JOKE! No! Go take a time out.

(http://i.imgur.com/MdbYZnU.jpg?1)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 10, 2014, 07:24:14 am
(http://i.imgur.com/iEhVSIE.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on July 10, 2014, 07:44:27 am
(http://i.imgur.com/iEhVSIE.png)

LOL... That cracked me up  :laugh:  Maybe should be posted in the vanity topics

I usually use the self checkout at the grocery store and always snicker a bit because my idea of 'self checkout' tends to require a gun or rope or some other form of self harm and such  :laugh:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 11, 2014, 07:57:19 am
(http://i.imgur.com/6D8jLRj.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: AnnaCannibal on July 11, 2014, 08:34:39 pm
Why couldn't the fungus fit into the car?

Because there wasn't mushroom.

 :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: xponentialshift on July 11, 2014, 09:30:54 pm
Why couldn't the fungus fit into the car?

Because there wasn't mushroom.

 :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
How about:
Why didn't the fun-guy get into the car?
Because there wasn't mush-room.

Maybe fit in the word spore-adic somewhere?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Handy on July 15, 2014, 07:02:40 pm
I think this qualifies to be here; it's definitely a bad joke.

So a friend of mine was sending me a zip file, and told me it would take a minute because it was a few megs... thus, INSPIRATION STRUCK!
I'd take credit for this gag, but it seems so obvious I refuse to believe someone hasn't done it before me.

an exchange with my friend:
(http://i58.tinypic.com/2nja41t.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on July 15, 2014, 07:17:23 pm
(http://ragebot.net/pix/506.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Stephanie2 on July 17, 2014, 08:43:23 am
Someone goes into a bar and hears one of the customers saying to the bartender "Hey, Jack Ass, bring me a beer." A short time later he again says "Hey, Jack Ass, bring me another beer." Well, this keeps going on for quite a while, so the person, who is so amazed by this, asks the bartender "Why are you letting that guy call you Jack Ass?" The bartender answers by saying "Aww-ee-aww, ee-awwlways calls me that."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 17, 2014, 04:11:13 pm
http://youtu.be/9rIy0xY99a0?t=18s
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on July 18, 2014, 08:15:14 pm
The Funeral

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice,
because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every
moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked
by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless
man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a
pauper's cemetery in the Blue Ridge, Georgia back country at Chigger
Ridge..
 
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and,
being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
 
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had
evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only
the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and
apologized to the men for being late.
 
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the
vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I
started to play.
 
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather
around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and
friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
 
And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to
weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I
packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung
low, my heart was full.
 
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers
say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in
septic tanks for twenty years."
 
Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on July 18, 2014, 09:22:46 pm
*Heavy sigh*  :icon_no:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Handy on July 19, 2014, 08:35:05 am
http://youtu.be/9rIy0xY99a0?t=18s

HEY, that was EDUCATIONAL!!!! I've been had!!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 20, 2014, 07:34:39 am
TIL that Norman Borlaug (the father of the Green Revolution) learned that he received the Nobel Peace Prize while working in his wheat test plot in Mexico; he learned that he was outstanding in his field while he was out standing in his field.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Borlaug#Nobel_Peace_Prize
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 20, 2014, 11:30:16 am
(http://i.imgur.com/omUhB6F.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 20, 2014, 11:31:25 am
(http://i.imgur.com/cVcIeQq.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Michaela Whimsy on July 20, 2014, 03:26:38 pm
Smashing pumpkins....  That's awesome.  Great song
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 26, 2014, 05:33:59 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/5IpKS2R.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: CindyJames on July 26, 2014, 05:40:08 pm
A man has been going around stabbing people with knitting needles.

Police think he is following a pattern.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on July 26, 2014, 10:03:51 pm
A man has been going around stabbing people with knitting needles.

Police think he is following a pattern.

Waaaa Haha corny kind of funny!  :D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LordKAT on July 27, 2014, 07:48:07 pm
Rename your ipod 'The Titanic'. When you attach it to your computer to charge, it will say 'The Titanic is synching.'

 borrowed from Readers Digest July 2014
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 28, 2014, 08:30:38 am
'The Titanic is synching.'

Too soon!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 30, 2014, 01:43:50 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/0Ey7uvA.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on July 30, 2014, 06:25:52 pm
Outdated but awesome

(http://lolbot.net/pix/32288.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on July 30, 2014, 07:24:00 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32258.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 01, 2014, 05:56:19 pm
http://imgur.com/JsssYOL
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 01, 2014, 05:56:55 pm
http://imgur.com/lQGCzwV
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 02, 2014, 09:48:10 am
You will roux the day you make this soup!

http://youtu.be/bTaleku9llY?t=1m10s
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 03, 2014, 07:46:31 am
I think I've told this one before but the thread was deleted so...

How many straight L.A. waiters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Both of them.

How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. She just holds it in place and the world revolves around her.

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but how do you get them in there?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 03, 2014, 01:09:07 pm
For the Aussies! (http://imgur.com/r/<I don't understand>/8J4A94o)

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sydney_NYC on August 03, 2014, 02:12:20 pm
For the Aussies! (http://imgur.com/r/<I don't understand>/8J4A94o)

Shrimp on the barbie. A homemade meal.
(http://i.imgur.com/8J4A94o.jpg)


Love it :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on August 03, 2014, 02:51:31 pm
A guy goes into the post office to apply for a job . . . The interviewer
asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
 
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
 
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in
Afghanistan for one tour.”
 
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
 
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles."
 
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's
service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay, looking at the
regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our
normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00
am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
 
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
 
"This is a government job." the interviewer says. "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in
you coming in for that."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Miss_Bungle1991 on August 03, 2014, 03:03:36 pm
That was amusing.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: OreSama on August 03, 2014, 05:00:21 pm
A woman goes to the store and asks the clerk where the batteries are.
He motions with his fingers and says "Come this way."
She looks at him and laughs "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need batteries!"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on August 03, 2014, 09:43:52 pm
A woman goes to the store and asks the clerk where the batteries are.
He motions with his fingers and says "Come this way."
She looks at him and laughs "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need batteries!"

 :D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 04, 2014, 08:35:31 am
"This is a government job." the interviewer says. "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in
you coming in for that."

Only the first two hours? That must be the most efficient government office in the country!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on August 04, 2014, 08:40:17 am
For the Aussies! (http://imgur.com/r/<I don't understand>/8J4A94o)

OK, no Christmas card for you!


Revenge:
Why do cowboys ride horses?

Because they are too heavy to carry.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 04, 2014, 10:23:12 am
(http://i.imgur.com/5GAuzCT.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 04, 2014, 07:16:38 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32157.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 05, 2014, 06:31:21 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32083.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on August 05, 2014, 07:11:39 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32083.gif)

Waaaa hahah, definitely an old guy thing!  :D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 06, 2014, 01:13:49 pm
The only time "inkorrectly" isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled "incorrectly".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMzfELqfwPM
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 06, 2014, 03:37:58 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/uhh5qiH.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 06, 2014, 04:28:27 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/tmy3lUe.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 07, 2014, 07:03:17 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32015.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 07, 2014, 07:07:46 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31991.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 08, 2014, 04:14:08 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31975.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: AeroZeppelin92 on August 10, 2014, 03:48:07 pm
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

..

...

A Carrot!  ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on August 10, 2014, 05:49:14 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/674/qKFo9s.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/iqqKFo9sj)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: immortal gypsy on August 13, 2014, 03:55:56 am
Did you know that Mussolini use to be an environmentalist?
He made the trains run on thyme

(Thank you xkcd for that pun)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Evelyn K on August 13, 2014, 04:01:29 pm
A bear and a rabbit are going poomp in the woods. Bear turns to the rabbit and says, "does poomp ever stick to your fur?"

the rabbit replies

"no, never"

so the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass.

The End
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 17, 2014, 09:45:01 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ly7QkCn.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 18, 2014, 10:57:41 am
(http://i.imgur.com/4XpDk.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 18, 2014, 03:54:50 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32482.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 18, 2014, 03:56:19 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32451.jpg)

Rock on, Star Lord!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 18, 2014, 03:56:59 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32442.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 18, 2014, 05:05:23 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32509.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 18, 2014, 07:08:45 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32501.png)

More from Star Lord, lol.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Matthew on August 18, 2014, 08:21:35 pm
Welp, I didn't like my beard at first. But then it grew on me.


I was wondering why the football was getting bigger, ands then it hit me!


What happens when chemists die? They barium.


I'm currently reading a book on anti gravity. I can't put it down.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on August 19, 2014, 04:21:22 am
A man walks into a fancy restaurant and announces that he wants to sit at 'The best seats in the house', the maître d' promptly escorted him to the restroom
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 19, 2014, 07:42:11 am
More from Star Lord, lol.

You're making me want to finish watching Parks and Recreation.  :police:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 19, 2014, 07:43:04 am
Welp, I didn't like my beard at first. But then it grew on me.


I was wondering why the football was getting bigger, ands then it hit me!


What happens when chemists die? They barium.


I'm currently reading a book on anti gravity. I can't put it down.

Oh, you'll fit right in here.  >:-)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: immortal gypsy on August 19, 2014, 07:59:15 am
Three men walk into a bar.

You think one would have the sense to duck
Title: Re: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on August 19, 2014, 11:28:11 am
Three men walk into a bar.

You think one would have the sense to duck
Gypsy, watch it with the man-bashing.

(Even when they do it to themselves...)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on August 19, 2014, 04:33:53 pm
Sold my Hoover,
It was just gathering dust
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Matthew on August 19, 2014, 04:41:19 pm
Did you hear about that guy whose left side was completely cut off? He's all right now.

My dad was in the army. He survived pepper spray and mustard gas. He's a well seasoned veteran now.

(Ok, ok I'll stop now)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on August 19, 2014, 05:20:33 pm
Did you hear about that guy whose left side was completely cut off? He's all right now.

My dad was in the army. He survived pepper spray and mustard gas. He's a well seasoned veteran now.

(Ok, ok I'll stop now)

Don't stop, I'm sure that I'm not the only one enjoying your style of humor.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: immortal gypsy on August 19, 2014, 06:47:40 pm
Don't stop, I'm sure that I'm not the only one enjoying your style of humor.
Keep them coming, the only bad joke was the one never told.

Why are chefs so mean?
Because they beat the eggs and whip the cream
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sydney_NYC on August 19, 2014, 11:17:12 pm
Why are chefs so mean?
Because they beat the eggs and whip the cream

That reminds me of this magnet that is on our refrigerator: (https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5582/14953432316_7b4e51fa4a.jpg)

And yes my wife and I are kinky, so it's quite appropriate for our kitchen, LOL
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on August 21, 2014, 03:37:22 am
Why did the Irishman wear three condoms?

To be sure
To be sure
To be sure
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 21, 2014, 06:58:28 am
(http://i.imgur.com/F9RXfeF.gif)

And more here!
http://imgur.com/gallery/AnVdg
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 21, 2014, 03:42:56 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31770.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 21, 2014, 07:20:55 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zEGjlHZMiM
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Evelyn K on August 21, 2014, 11:21:19 pm
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly working his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then he proceeced up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started watching TV.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked him in a loving voice, "That was wonderful. Why did you stop ?"

He said, "I found the remote"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 22, 2014, 07:36:18 am
(http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/302497/slide_302497_2560097_free.jpg)

More geeky science jokes-- click here. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/20/phd-in-chocolate-cambridge-university_n_5695086.html#slide=start)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 22, 2014, 03:12:17 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/7Ppw8lv.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on August 23, 2014, 04:49:11 am
A blind man decides he'd like some company so he goes to the local pet shop and asks if they have any nice, affectionate and well behaved companion dogs

The clerk says "Yes, but we only have two of them and they are both blind, I'll give you either of them for free" To which the man replied
"Well we should get along great!!! I'll take them both"

On the way home the whole lot of them walk into a bar






Didn't see that coming now did you?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: OreSama on August 23, 2014, 03:31:03 pm
From a conversation I had earlier-
"You really had to turn that into a sex joke didn't you?"
"Admit it, you saw it coming somewhere deep inside you."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 25, 2014, 06:55:37 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32578.gif)

Who's playing?.....
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 26, 2014, 08:02:46 am
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.

Why don't ghosts ever go trick-or-treating? Because they got no body to go with.

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

Why shouldn't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 26, 2014, 05:36:42 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31635.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 26, 2014, 05:44:57 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31622.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 27, 2014, 05:05:03 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31599.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: immortal gypsy on August 27, 2014, 05:45:29 pm
An Australian, a New Zealander and a South African walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and asks,

"What is this a joke".
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 27, 2014, 06:48:28 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31570.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 28, 2014, 07:31:24 am
From the "guy who could crack his penis like a knuckle thread"...

I'm sorry, but that's... Poppycock  :icon_cool:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 29, 2014, 06:50:39 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31414.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on August 29, 2014, 06:54:17 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31408.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 01, 2014, 10:46:51 am
(http://i.imgur.com/cgbOdwx.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 02, 2014, 11:34:25 am
This is bad, bad, bad but oh so delightful!

(http://i.imgur.com/wlII4yk.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 02, 2014, 04:45:30 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32640.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 02, 2014, 04:50:39 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32652.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 03, 2014, 05:38:55 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31362.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 03, 2014, 10:39:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/fXj39KN.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 04, 2014, 08:54:39 am
Bad joke is in the first 10 seconds. I haven't watched the rest of the video yet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZatV7QVrc20
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 04, 2014, 09:02:41 am
(http://i.imgur.com/8b2uFAp.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 06, 2014, 12:56:58 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/vcPped1.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 08, 2014, 04:56:59 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/i5AtqZe.jpg) (http://www.brainlesstales.com/)

If you like this one, his entire website (http://www.brainlesstales.com/) is full of these BAD jokes.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 08, 2014, 08:12:20 pm
And the sequel!

(http://www.brainlesstales.com/images/2011/Jul/duck-billed-platypus.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 10, 2014, 04:24:06 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32728.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on September 10, 2014, 05:54:06 pm
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10616006_919037581458013_1241899013136143798_n.jpg?oh=441f0faef583bb11d00e86934d5e3cc9&oe=54973197&__gda__=1418011695_35b78b9ed39116c9fcca4938fc5c2a1e)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on September 10, 2014, 06:56:29 pm
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10616006_919037581458013_1241899013136143798_n.jpg?oh=441f0faef583bb11d00e86934d5e3cc9&oe=54973197&__gda__=1418011695_35b78b9ed39116c9fcca4938fc5c2a1e)

Waaaa Hahaha that's the best one yet!  :D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 11, 2014, 12:59:05 pm
"Once you go black, you never come back."

http://youtu.be/6gevgV40HCE?t=7m7s
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: JenSquid on September 12, 2014, 03:22:09 am
These are great.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 14, 2014, 08:40:59 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/xLoZaBz.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 14, 2014, 11:02:03 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/iFX1ika.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 15, 2014, 02:51:05 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32764.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 15, 2014, 06:02:38 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32781.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 15, 2014, 06:09:22 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31260.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 16, 2014, 11:50:02 am
(http://i.imgur.com/I1XSQlO.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 17, 2014, 03:37:44 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32799.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 17, 2014, 04:01:14 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32799.gif)

OMG. I needed that laugh just now. So stressed out. Perfect timing.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 18, 2014, 01:25:15 pm
(http://www.brainlesstales.com/images/2014/Sep/keynote.jpg)

(http://www.brainlesstales.com/images/2014/Sep/roll-with-the-punches.jpg) (http://www.brainlesstales.com/)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 18, 2014, 03:54:47 pm
This very judgmental person apparently considers my paint job to be inadequate!

(http://i.imgur.com/PpAQXdr.jpg)

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 19, 2014, 03:18:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/2TePmYa.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Kittenswithmittens on September 19, 2014, 04:58:57 pm
(http://img-9gag-lol.9cache.com/photo/abq6zm8_460s.jpg)

(http://tapatalk.imageshack.com/v2/14/09/09/37b48684be8d8f2ee6421a6792cb2d61.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on September 19, 2014, 05:12:49 pm
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10647165_826107704088987_2497273320164265355_n.jpg?oh=9cc9eb7fcde259197af4d0f519f16f74&oe=548A52A4&__gda__=1418827036_19d4ba445e8a6ae4512b443dc14de006)

Ahmmmmm - how to have sausage for breakfast :embarrassed:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Ms Grace on September 19, 2014, 05:30:48 pm
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10647165_826107704088987_2497273320164265355_n.jpg?oh=9cc9eb7fcde259197af4d0f519f16f74&oe=548A52A4&__gda__=1418827036_19d4ba445e8a6ae4512b443dc14de006)

Ahmmmmm - how to have sausage for breakfast :embarrassed:

Wrong, just wrong...in so many ways...!!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jera on September 20, 2014, 11:39:48 am
What is it called when Batman leaves church early?
-Christian Bale.

If you ever get cold, stand in a corner for a bit. They're usually around 90 degrees.

Two satellites decide to get married. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!

How did Ebenezer Scrooge win the football game?
The Ghost of Christmas passed.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 20, 2014, 12:57:23 pm
 Re: I slept with a guy who cracked his penis... like a knuckle

Is this topic ever going to DIE??? ::) Just when I think it is gone it RISES to the occasion!! *giggles*  :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Private McAuslan on September 21, 2014, 08:56:59 am
A Higgs boson particle walks into a church.

Priest says: "Ah, thank God you're here! Without you, we can't have Mass!"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 21, 2014, 12:54:07 pm
The steaks are high (http://imgur.com/lhCakNg)!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 21, 2014, 12:56:12 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/huJdNrF.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 21, 2014, 12:58:33 pm
(http://thefreeb.net/wp/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Rockpaperscissors.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 22, 2014, 08:00:41 am
(http://i.imgur.com/RcgjZ4n.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 22, 2014, 04:21:19 pm
(https://i.imgur.com/ySzdecA.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 23, 2014, 03:42:33 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32839.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 24, 2014, 10:26:23 am
What's long, hard, and sticky?

-A stick.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on September 24, 2014, 12:20:59 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/661/V028RF.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/idV028RFj)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on September 24, 2014, 12:22:50 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/661/h4UDmv.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/idh4UDmvj)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 25, 2014, 07:55:33 am
(http://i.imgur.com/yiYeL83.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/F0zPzka.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/D56Pbxo.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/ffVLLYu.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Kittenswithmittens on September 25, 2014, 03:49:39 pm
(http://img-9gag-lol.9cache.com/photo/ad667n9_460sa_v1.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Kittenswithmittens on September 25, 2014, 04:11:39 pm
I want a pet fish like this.

(http://img-9gag-lol.9cache.com/photo/awbr39Q_460sa_v1.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Kittenswithmittens on September 25, 2014, 04:25:15 pm
(http://img-9gag-lol.9cache.com/photo/azLg3EZ_460s.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 25, 2014, 05:05:28 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32852.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 26, 2014, 04:15:19 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32860.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 26, 2014, 05:18:10 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/UUy6awk.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jo-is-amazing on September 26, 2014, 05:24:55 pm
Why did the Scarecrow win a Nobel prize?

Because he was out-standing in his field
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 26, 2014, 09:06:37 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/KsxOans.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 27, 2014, 03:00:05 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/BtrgHFH.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 27, 2014, 10:36:09 pm
"In Russia, coffin has pipe for air, and bell with string. If man is true Soviet, he does not die. When buried, yells for undertaker and rings bell.
Bell rings. Is no wind.
Undertaker asks - "Are you lady Gorbochev?"
Voice says "Yes!"
"Born winter of 1927?"
"Yes!"
"Gravestone says 'Died 20 February, 1957"
"Niet, am still living!"
"Am sorry, but is August. In June, ground will thaw. You must wait for June."
And woman is true Soviet, waits for June."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: MajorTom on September 28, 2014, 12:42:11 am
(http://img-9gag-lol.9cache.com/photo/ad667n9_460sa_v1.gif)
IS THAT FROM UHF? Weird Al time  ;D  ;D  ;D

(http://s25.postimg.org/lxll7w7aj/Screen_Shot_2014_09_19_at_22_42_22_759.jpg) (http://postimg.org/image/lxll7w7aj/)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 28, 2014, 08:22:56 am
(http://s25.postimg.org/lxll7w7aj/Screen_Shot_2014_09_19_at_22_42_22_759.jpg) (http://postimg.org/image/lxll7w7aj/)

Your imagine reminded me of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgaBGu7Mlvo
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on September 28, 2014, 09:30:49 am
IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS  AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat  Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. 

Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
 
IRS  AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
   
Boat  Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 29, 2014, 11:06:04 am
(http://i.imgur.com/y4XyN2c.jpg)

I'm pretty sure that for some couples, "one I don't hate as much as the others" can quickly devolve into "one I hate more than anyone else".
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: IzzyV on September 29, 2014, 11:21:27 am
(http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a8/9d/f8/a89df85dacb5e1d30ad45b812ecf9fd0.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 29, 2014, 04:24:22 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/32870.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on September 30, 2014, 04:22:51 am
Just heard this on a quiz show.

What is the collective noun for baboons?

Contestant: A Pentagon
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jenny07 on September 30, 2014, 05:32:51 am
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GVA115I1I8Y/TMGTPsbyLTI/AAAAAAAABG0/WwIsKeXVGo0/s400/Math-jokes.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on September 30, 2014, 06:24:29 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31143.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 30, 2014, 07:37:50 pm
There is no good and evil there is only power

(https://41.media.tumblr.com/19931aa1d1b605e3e76f75cdc5190a2b/tumblr_n9nomtAdYy1spm17no1_500.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 30, 2014, 08:18:37 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNLJdtbP1xo
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 02, 2014, 07:56:21 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1enifeM9cU
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 03, 2014, 07:11:50 am
(http://i.imgur.com/gR2yY3Q.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 03, 2014, 10:03:48 am
(http://i.imgur.com/KM0Lwne.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 03, 2014, 11:05:05 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ITtpHoZ.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: immortal gypsy on October 04, 2014, 07:52:43 pm
How do echidnas' mate?
Very carefully
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 05, 2014, 10:34:35 am
(http://i.imgur.com/lxlrzt2.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/mj31wcf.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 05, 2014, 08:13:07 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Daisdh4.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 06, 2014, 06:29:50 am
I haven't had my coffee yet and I'm draggin'.

(http://i.imgur.com/jpZroN2.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 07, 2014, 12:27:21 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/dBoo0Dv.jpg)

I love Snmgfiehp! I could celebrate it year-round! It's Christmas I can't stand.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 07, 2014, 06:22:56 pm
http://youtu.be/m9HKWYFjUa8
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Nicodeme on October 07, 2014, 07:00:21 pm
I tell this in the checkout line while I'm stuffing my money back in my wallet.

You know why those round/cylindrical hay bales are illegal?
BECAUSE
COWS AREN'T GETTING A SQUARE MEAL.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 08, 2014, 06:58:13 am
That reminds me of something a old friend of mine was fond of saying.

"He didn't get that round mouth from eating square meals."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Alice Rogers on October 08, 2014, 07:11:52 am
What's brown and sticky?

A stick.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on October 08, 2014, 09:05:51 pm
John and Mark were fishing when Mark pulled out a cigar.  Finding he had no matches, he asked John for a light.
'Yeah, sure, I think I have a lighter,' he replied, and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long..

'Jiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Mark, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands. 'Where did you get that monster??'
'Well,' replied John, 'I got it from my Genie.'
'You have a Genie?' Mark asked.
'Yeah, sure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says John.
'Could I see him?'
John opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.
                                   
Addressing the genie, Mark says, 'Hey there  I'm a good friend of your master. Wll you grant me one wish?''Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Mark asks the Genie for a million bucks.
               
The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Mark sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks....flying directly overhead.
 
Over the roar of the million ducks Mark yells at John,  'What the heck I asked for was a million bucks, not a million ducks!'

John answers, 'Yeah, I forgot to tell you that the Genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 08, 2014, 10:20:46 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/57YlCCh.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 09, 2014, 07:40:57 am
"Did you go to school, stupid?"

"Yes, but I came out the same way."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 09, 2014, 08:01:57 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo1tjBmwuXI
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 09, 2014, 09:24:19 am
(http://i.imgur.com/8orbHXt.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 09, 2014, 09:30:28 am
(http://i.imgur.com/HRJqsFM.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 09, 2014, 06:15:20 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31072.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 10, 2014, 04:16:56 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31037.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 10, 2014, 04:19:59 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/31031.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ♥︎ SarahD ♥︎ on October 10, 2014, 04:35:55 pm
Physics jokes, anyone? :D ♥︎

(http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/6b/35/f3/6b35f3f978eeb3525ca7f7367f9d99ea.jpg)
(https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6494890496/h74614502/)
(http://www.quickmeme.com/img/bf/bf5bc7144c558d02eab0def1fb120be3b28959b2df0f76ad5becb47051d451ce.jpg)

 :laugh: ♥︎
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 12, 2014, 11:28:56 am
(http://i.imgur.com/w0xvpEM.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 13, 2014, 11:14:15 am
I went to a lot of trouble to censor this so I could share it with you folks without it getting modded.  :police:

(http://i.imgur.com/Wa4Gi2g.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 13, 2014, 11:16:17 am
(http://i.imgur.com/fgvOGtv.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 14, 2014, 06:40:40 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/30990.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 15, 2014, 10:44:05 am
(http://i.imgur.com/1nQUcWb.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 15, 2014, 04:19:26 pm
They say necromancy isn't an exact science but it's usually dead-on.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 16, 2014, 09:21:15 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Hekba9H.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 16, 2014, 10:23:20 am
There's a time and place for everything... and that time and place is college.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 16, 2014, 11:55:37 am
(http://i.imgur.com/PYq7c7v.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Liam Erik on October 16, 2014, 12:08:55 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/fgvOGtv.png)

I love it
The live free or die is perfect too
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 16, 2014, 06:31:58 pm
Pretty sure "paw-casso" qualifies this one for this thread.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-InDy_7yXNk

"Thanks fur watchin'!"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sydney_NYC on October 18, 2014, 11:13:49 pm
Real Life Bad Joke - I love my friends :)

This picture was taken (in the moment) of me today by my wife with me petting one of our new kitties. She posted it on Facebook and this happened. (Elise is a long time lesbian friend of hours with a great since of humor who has been supportive of my transitioning.)
(https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5602/14948500224_85a1a98902_b.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 19, 2014, 02:58:08 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/FwfAAMt.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 19, 2014, 05:47:11 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/bKWcqGV.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 19, 2014, 07:18:16 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ksispg8.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 19, 2014, 07:29:43 pm
I haven't actually watched this yet so for now I'm trusting the title that it has really bad jokes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0D5Shk9rjc
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Bellatrix on October 19, 2014, 07:37:08 pm
If you don't like somewhat non PC jokes please look away now, this one came from my old boss, a 70 year old cockney so you should know what to expect...

I was cooking in the kitchen today and next thing i knew this thing had flown in through the window, buzzed around the wifes head then exploded on the kettle!

The wife says "what the bloody hell was that?!?"

"Don't worry dear" I tried to reassure her, "its was just one of those jihaddy longlegs"

I'll get my coat...
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 20, 2014, 08:59:35 am
If you don't like somewhat non PC jokes please look away now...

Well, "bad" is not clearly defined for the purposes of this thread so I think non-PC qualifies. I've posted several that were bad in the sense that I mean naughty.

(http://i.imgur.com/OPPCq8w.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 20, 2014, 09:17:24 am
(http://i.imgur.com/2HQVqQn.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 20, 2014, 10:36:25 am
(http://i.imgur.com/APnIXqT.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Devlyn on October 20, 2014, 11:17:12 am
(http://i.imgur.com/APnIXqT.jpg)

This is broad brush painting. I'm short, but I'm not planning any murders...........because there's nowhere left in the cellar to bury anyone!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LordKAT on October 20, 2014, 11:55:53 am
I'm glad my daughter, a legal midget, doesn't read this site.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jaime R D on October 20, 2014, 12:11:39 pm
I thought that term was bad and dehumanizing due to its origin.

And it is dwarfism awareness month too.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LordKAT on October 20, 2014, 12:14:02 pm
According to my daughter, short people is the preferred term. She is also the one who told me she was a legal midget. I was quoting her. I apologize to anyone who I offended and won't repeat it after this post.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on October 20, 2014, 12:22:06 pm
It never ceases to amaze me how this society has been dehumanized by political correctness speak, what a load of poo we've been served! Say whatever you want Kat and don't apologize for it either!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Devlyn on October 20, 2014, 12:25:23 pm
I thought that term was bad and dehumanizing due to its origin.

And it is dwarfism awareness month too.

There's only one term that's bad and dehumanizing.........a term in office!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jaime R D on October 20, 2014, 01:23:10 pm
According to my daughter, short people is the preferred term. She is also the one who told me she was a legal midget. I was quoting her. I apologize to anyone who I offended and won't repeat it after this post.
No worries. I can't speak for them. The only reason I really thought about was because of something on tv the other day with a little guy asking people on the street about stuff pertaining to it.

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: big kim on October 20, 2014, 01:49:50 pm
I went fly fishing and caught a 7 pound bluebottle
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LordKAT on October 20, 2014, 01:55:58 pm
No worries. I can't speak for them. The only reason I really thought about was because of something on tv the other day with a little guy asking people on the street about stuff pertaining to it.

I saw that video.  I only know my daughter personally. She even admits that it is the new view.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 20, 2014, 04:32:05 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/U7ZWnj0.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 20, 2014, 05:20:46 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33040.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jill F on October 20, 2014, 05:22:05 pm
What do you call cheese that does not belong to you?

Nacho cheese.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 20, 2014, 05:31:30 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33063.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 20, 2014, 06:28:28 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33078.gif)

B*tch i'm fabulous
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 20, 2014, 09:00:09 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/BW1xdkm.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 20, 2014, 09:57:52 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/EYZCZ2a.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on October 21, 2014, 03:04:03 am
Man walks into a Doctor surgery.

'I think I'm a Moth'

You need a psychiatrist!

'I know, but your light was on.'
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: immortal gypsy on October 21, 2014, 04:42:46 am
Doctor doctor I think I am a dog

Well sit down and we'll discuss it then

I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on October 21, 2014, 06:05:33 am
Why did the scientist walk out into a lightning storm with a long metal rod?

They figured they'd get a charge out of it
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 21, 2014, 04:08:30 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ZXjgCCO.jpg)

Also, I think I've already said this but it bares repeating. I've always wanted to ask him--"What do you call the entrance to a brothel?"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 21, 2014, 04:18:44 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33097.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 21, 2014, 04:21:26 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33091.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 22, 2014, 07:58:33 am
(http://i.imgur.com/ae7BRgD.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 22, 2014, 10:59:08 am
(http://i.imgur.com/CwDFAWR.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 22, 2014, 05:57:26 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33109.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on October 23, 2014, 11:55:16 am
On the cruise one comedian was talking about the house drink at a comedy club he played in Afghanistan, the "Bin Laden".

Two shots and a splash of water.

Sorry.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 23, 2014, 05:12:02 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33127.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 24, 2014, 06:37:30 am
(http://i.imgur.com/tAoVZv7.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 24, 2014, 06:55:26 am
NSFW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWkhuq-RZTE
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 24, 2014, 07:43:27 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_qOy7BXVHU
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 26, 2014, 09:57:18 am
A crack in the roller coaster at Six Flags New England! (http://imgur.com/bJMOKVA) The operator got angry when I tried to point it out.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 26, 2014, 11:17:02 am
Traditional gender rolls (http://i.imgur.com/Ll1Y82F.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 26, 2014, 05:47:50 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/JxSRu9y.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 27, 2014, 04:49:15 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33151.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 27, 2014, 07:00:42 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/05ixdbQ.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Nicodeme on October 27, 2014, 09:13:54 pm
Traditional gender rolls (http://i.imgur.com/Ll1Y82F.jpg)

it took me a minute to realize those were mars and venus symbols and not uh
two things that rhyme with venus
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 28, 2014, 08:51:56 am
(http://i.imgur.com/0PLvg2r.gif) (http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/2006-12-23/)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 28, 2014, 08:52:59 am
it took me a minute to realize those were mars and venus symbols and not uh
two things that rhyme with venus

Same thing for me. I had to ponder whether to put a NSFW tag.  :police:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 28, 2014, 08:53:14 am
Being paleo is so off-pudding.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 28, 2014, 07:50:00 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/CUaSDoy.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on October 28, 2014, 08:11:20 pm
Excuse me, does your dog bite?

No, my dog doesn't bite

*goes to pet dog*... SNAP!!!

I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!!!

That's not my dog
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: big kim on October 29, 2014, 05:36:55 am
What did the maths teacher do when he had constipation?
Worked it out with a pencil
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 29, 2014, 10:37:18 am
(http://i.imgur.com/ZbGc3kp.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 30, 2014, 11:17:31 am
(http://i.imgur.com/CZq5FQx.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 31, 2014, 09:06:34 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Et53bI4.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 31, 2014, 01:03:35 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/wTEGMMz.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/541hFVw.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 31, 2014, 01:22:12 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/XYVy6Tx.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 31, 2014, 03:29:42 pm
"I'm frustrated and covered in vaseline. What is this? Puberty?"

http://youtu.be/jKbUrRZZAuc?t=2m26s
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 31, 2014, 04:44:53 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33165.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 31, 2014, 04:47:19 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33169.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on October 31, 2014, 04:50:41 pm
(http://lolbot.net/pix/33173.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on November 02, 2014, 05:50:28 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/674/5aB9ZG.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/iq5aB9ZGj)

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/540/imujFB.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/f0imujFBj)

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/538/iF4hsp.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/eyiF4hspj)

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/538/dLJMly.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/eydLJMlyj)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 08, 2014, 08:20:24 am
This NSFW video is slap-dab full of bad jokes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5OsP0NxbVc
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 08, 2014, 09:07:20 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/vYlwNFr.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on November 08, 2014, 10:03:52 pm
How many fundamentalists does it to change a light globe?

None, there are no mention of light globes in the bible.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on November 09, 2014, 04:52:07 am
Excuse me, does your dog bite?

No, my dog doesn't bite

*goes to pet dog*... SNAP!!!

I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!!!

That's not my dog

OMG, Pink Panther reference ;D!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 09, 2014, 09:49:20 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/LjPSbMx.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LordKAT on November 09, 2014, 10:01:51 pm
Hey, that sparkling thing was the second salt addict I ever saw. The first was my dad.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 10, 2014, 07:23:05 am
(http://i.imgur.com/NztXT4V.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 10, 2014, 07:48:43 am
You're trapped in a room that has no doors or windows, only a table and a mirror. How do you escape?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw.

You use the saw to cut the table in half.

You put the two halves of the table together and climb out through the whole.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 12, 2014, 07:52:50 am
Bad joke is right at the beginning of the video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8sxpxXjSBs
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 12, 2014, 08:18:51 am
(http://i.imgur.com/VVo4WW2.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: JustASeq on November 12, 2014, 09:02:55 am
Oh Oh Oh!!! Pick me, pick me!

I make up jokes from time to time to help me deal with the stressful situations of life. Here's one from just before I came out to my family:

So I have tap surgery scheduled for next week. Crazy thing is I haven't even told my parents I'm a transdancer.

Anyways, that's my home brewed bad joke.  It made me feel better at the time....

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 12, 2014, 07:08:47 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ydrZ8OQ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 13, 2014, 11:35:40 am
What a load of bull! (http://lockerdome.com/tre/6170042811288129/7141593606141201)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Shantel on November 13, 2014, 12:47:38 pm
What a load of bull! (http://lockerdome.com/tre/6170042811288129/7141593606141201)

Poor Benjy, looks like he's screwed!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 13, 2014, 04:20:49 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/BC9Nx2P.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Michaela Whimsy on November 13, 2014, 09:44:08 pm
Two old men are sitting on the porch talking about nothing.  Their old hound dog is laying in front of them licking himself as dogs do.  One old man says "wish I could do that!" The other looks at him blankly, " don't you think you should ask him first?"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 14, 2014, 06:48:38 am
Two old men are sitting on the porch talking about nothing.  Their old hound dog is laying in front of them licking himself as dogs do.  One old man says "wish I could do that!" The other looks at him blankly, " don't you think you should ask him first?"

The way I heard it he ended "You better at least pet him a little first or he might bite you."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on November 14, 2014, 07:27:08 am
What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Depends on the the restaurant you are ordering at
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 16, 2014, 10:39:51 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Ju5QPLe.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 18, 2014, 01:34:59 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/aXqKyOe.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 18, 2014, 04:04:37 pm
Penguin has auto trouble and has his car towed into the service shop. The mechanic says "this is going to be a while... you'd probably be happiest down the street at the local bar, the Polar Zone...". Penguin agrees, and heads off to the bar. The bar is kept cool and even serves him his favorite, vanilla ice cream.

He comes back after a few hours, and the mechanic peers out from under the hood of the car... "You blew a seal..." And the Penguin is quick to stammer, "No, No, that's just ice cream."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 21, 2014, 02:39:28 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/6qkKKif.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 21, 2014, 04:25:31 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/NoLI0lS.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on November 25, 2014, 04:06:50 am
This one goes out to the one eyed dove...
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Clhoe G on November 25, 2014, 04:22:51 am
A blonde girl was in a car crash n the paramedics arrived ASAP they draged her out of the wreck as she was waking up, the parametric tells her "you have just been in a car crash n it seems you where knocked out" he go's on to ask "how many fingers have I got up"
she replies "O <screw> I'M PARALYZED TO!!! "
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 25, 2014, 10:37:58 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/tMEQccG.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 27, 2014, 06:36:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/zKWtmZN.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 27, 2014, 07:04:21 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/wLrdglG.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 27, 2014, 07:05:39 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/2UwByDg.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 29, 2014, 04:03:51 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/qdHAVmx.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on November 30, 2014, 01:21:41 am
A funny friend of mine said "space is gay".

Does that mean black holes need to check their privilege?

 :icon_blink: :eusa_doh:

More attempts at humor here: Illuminess @ Twitter (https://twitter.com/illuminesss)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 03, 2014, 09:40:17 am
(http://i.imgur.com/iRmJaum.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 04, 2014, 05:12:26 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/qluDrhJ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 05, 2014, 11:22:30 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/T6bpYjv.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on December 06, 2014, 10:39:37 am
(http://i.imgur.com/iRmJaum.jpg)

Cthulhu's minions grow larger every day..

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10001397_750819761679653_6493750621373974989_n.jpg?oh=1326be8459ad361c636562c26d1b0c30&oe=550ACF12&__gda__=1430727067_f9597e0b8e1d036cdbd243add1e655b7)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on December 06, 2014, 10:41:41 am
More Cthulhu humour:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnbYcB9ctu8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWT07iRvI9M
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on December 06, 2014, 12:10:46 pm
(https://scontent-b-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10678744_305679836309727_3379659604442786588_n.jpg?oh=3fd94f79004474cf07c3ee4b5b1f80f1&oe=54FAABE7)

Jacopo della Quercia is a writer at Cracked (http://www.cracked.com). He added me to his list "funny people" on Twitter.
Hopefully, with my consistent comedic stabs, he will refer me as a writer.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 07, 2014, 03:35:20 pm
This takes a little setup if you're not familiar with libertarian philosophy. N.A.P. stands for Non-Aggression Principle. It means you never use violence aggressively; only defensively.

(http://i.imgur.com/i6VgYoG.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on December 07, 2014, 06:43:02 pm
Here's one I just made:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4Sz5HZCIAAg0sr.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 08, 2014, 12:28:01 am
D&D humor!

A human, orc, and elf walk into a bar. The gnome, dwarf, and halfling walk under it.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: fitzyfoop on December 08, 2014, 04:39:48 am
Hey, NASA!! How do you guys get funding??
We tell the US Gov that there's oil on other planets.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on December 08, 2014, 05:36:58 am
Careful now, don't want them drilling your skull to see if there's anything in there
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: fitzyfoop on December 08, 2014, 06:14:43 am
Don't worry, they can't come near me. Well, the US Gov't anyway
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 08, 2014, 09:17:32 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XX2_OaPR4-E
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 10, 2014, 03:17:24 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/mgvpyro.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on December 10, 2014, 05:09:50 pm
A friend of mine Tweets for his mother's private jet charter, so I was inspired to write these one-liners — in observation of the mental soundness of Frequent Flyers — for him to re-tweet.

(https://scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/1898207_307276606150050_8238442388249152954_n.jpg?oh=b3dbb5a307c912654cc5c6313962ccdf&oe=5546AC0B) (https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/150169_307296046148106_4775652873481964280_n.jpg?oh=7c6138bec4e92eb1b7575b4b4ba76001&oe=55014923&__gda__=1427029252_73e1e5fc9f83f624fcd95b180ee55f15)
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/1610826_307277056150005_5340228487501463123_n.jpg?oh=38cc1a9780b53a05e7d801530fecf9de&oe=5541FAC8&__gda__=1425907209_3daf41e10bd4648c9346c6d68e1ca3d7)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on December 17, 2014, 12:32:11 am
Could I interest you in some Venetian blinds?

OMG!!! the Venetians are blind!?!?!?!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on December 19, 2014, 08:33:21 am
I identified myself as a "Queer Demisexual Trans Woman" on Tumblr recently.
I think it sounds a bit like a sci-fi classification in some dystopian future.

Come with me if you want to live... in my rainbow commune outside
the Pearl Zone, near the abandoned Clonus facility, beyond the pale.


 :P
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 22, 2014, 02:24:14 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/g0mlTP5.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Ms Grace on December 22, 2014, 02:35:31 pm
What did the lady ghost's breasts say?

Booooob!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 22, 2014, 02:42:57 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/7RXf5Ua.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 22, 2014, 02:45:48 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/tRJGw3s.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: AttackDonut on December 22, 2014, 05:03:29 pm
Two nuns are riding bicycles down a cobblestone pathway.
The first nun says "Oh, we've never come this way before."
The second nun says "I know, it's the stones"

(sorry, I'll show myself out)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 23, 2014, 09:59:47 am
(http://i.imgur.com/aBWGVcv.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 23, 2014, 07:45:24 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/niWwKwj.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 23, 2014, 07:46:29 pm
Two nuns are riding bicycles down a cobblestone pathway.
The first nun says "Oh, we've never come this way before."
The second nun says "I know, it's the stones"

(sorry, I'll show myself out)

That's REALLY bad... and therefore totally appropriate for this thread.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on December 23, 2014, 08:17:50 pm
.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 23, 2014, 08:49:15 pm
Never trust an atom.

They make up everything.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on December 23, 2014, 09:01:00 pm
what did one atom say to the other spinning around a cyclotron ? I'll be splitting pretty soon
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 24, 2014, 02:24:15 pm
Table-top RPGers will get this one.

(http://i.imgur.com/NumoUJe.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on December 24, 2014, 02:31:55 pm
what did the Japanese Gentleman say to the chicken crossing the road ? How high do you fry
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 24, 2014, 02:55:42 pm
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/sneak_peek/sneak_peek.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on December 24, 2014, 03:21:59 pm
two carbon atoms are shot at high velocity into a block of lead , what did the one carbon atom say to the other after hitting the block of lead ? I'll be the same
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on December 24, 2014, 10:51:14 pm
what did the electron say to the proton when challenged to a race ? I'll run circles around you.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on December 25, 2014, 02:56:40 am
If God plays dice with the universe , who do you think wins
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 25, 2014, 11:01:46 am
(http://i.imgur.com/AFKwK2D.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 25, 2014, 10:34:26 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/w2FNgIO.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 25, 2014, 11:17:27 pm
An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it.

"Bartender! A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!"

Everyone except the Jewish man receives a glass of premium scotch.

The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin.

The Jew smiles back.

The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression.

"Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!"

He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew."

The Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again.

Furious, the anti-semite says to the bartender, "Is that Jew just stupid or pretending to be?"

"Oh no, sir, he's the owner."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 25, 2014, 11:23:09 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/6jS8B85.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on December 25, 2014, 11:34:18 pm
.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on December 25, 2014, 11:48:04 pm
.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 28, 2014, 10:43:48 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/qc0Tlub.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on December 28, 2014, 10:57:21 pm
.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on December 29, 2014, 12:40:20 am
I was in my local store and saw this.


(http://shop.bonesuckin.com/397-large_default/bone-suckin-sauce-16-oz.jpg)

For some reason I almost collapsed in hysterical laughter
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 04, 2015, 11:58:38 am
Look! A goth (http://i.imgur.com/qhaA5In)!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ChiGirl on January 04, 2015, 01:27:57 pm
My grandfather wanted to how bad my grandmother's hearing was getting.  He yelled from the bedroom "Honey, come here! I need you."  No response.

He moved to the dining room.  "Honey, come here! I need you."  Still, no response.

Finally, he went into the kitchen and stood right behind her, and said "Honey, come here! I need you."

My grandmother turned around and said "For the third time, I'll be right there!"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Laci Marie on January 05, 2015, 06:26:13 pm
How many dance instructors does it take to change a light bulb?

...Five! ...Six! ...Seven! ...Eight!!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 05, 2015, 06:41:21 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/jVqrExT.png)

Click for the answer (http://imgur.com/0PblwcX)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 05, 2015, 11:58:51 pm
Someone needs to monitor this situation. (https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=763387060393421)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 06, 2015, 02:45:13 am
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 06, 2015, 12:08:42 pm
Someone posted this screenshot on Facebook:

(http://i.imgur.com/WSHodMy.jpg)

And I responded "Homophones? Can you only talk to people on the same kind of phone as you?"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 06, 2015, 01:14:24 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/gZeGhGP.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on January 06, 2015, 04:26:31 pm


And I responded "Homophones? Can you only talk to people on the same kind of phone as you?"
I always thought the "homophone might be what Batman had in the batcave if that crazy psychologist in the 50's had been right.

Dee
(Him or the "Ambiguously Gay Duo")

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on January 07, 2015, 01:12:11 am
Swear this is true - and you all know I never lie :laugh:

Ambulance center receives a call.

My wife has gone into labor and I don't know what to do!!

Is this her first child?

No this is her husband.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 07, 2015, 12:47:10 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/jFgWMG7.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 07, 2015, 12:55:25 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Wt96GvH.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 07, 2015, 01:17:33 pm
.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on January 07, 2015, 10:36:09 pm
I feel like I've been chewing this stuff:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2sr4krE5Ns

Does the boob fairy use pliers or something? They hurt worse than ever right now. Well, no pain no gain, right?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 10, 2015, 06:46:58 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/VLxr2Wl.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 10, 2015, 07:41:29 pm
.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 10, 2015, 11:01:06 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/8v9H1s1.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 11, 2015, 07:34:04 am
 ::)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 11, 2015, 08:56:03 pm
Build a man a fire and he'll stay warm for the rest of the night.
Set a man on fire and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 11, 2015, 09:16:52 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/CtUj01r.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on January 11, 2015, 09:22:05 pm
Confuse us say...

They who go to bed with itchy butthole, wake up with stinky finger
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 11, 2015, 10:17:12 pm
Oh... Puma...

(http://i.imgur.com/gfb4pHQ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ErinReign on January 11, 2015, 11:35:01 pm
Oh... Puma...

(http://i.imgur.com/gfb4pHQ.jpg)
Ski glove company Pow, but still....

Knock Knock... Who's there?... Owls... Owls who?... Yes they do.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 15, 2015, 12:57:07 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/sxpNz2K.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on January 15, 2015, 01:03:20 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/sxpNz2K.jpg)

Wasn't there another one before this?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 15, 2015, 01:28:42 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on January 15, 2015, 02:12:39 pm
:)

The value of a mole...;)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 15, 2015, 09:28:40 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/yQGjhod.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 15, 2015, 09:38:27 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/yNtVT9y.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 15, 2015, 09:39:56 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/PtxvQzz.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 15, 2015, 09:40:38 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/U19xwM9.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 15, 2015, 09:41:15 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/xw7gwh9.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 17, 2015, 08:18:47 am
(http://i.imgur.com/rl4AUsd.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 17, 2015, 12:35:34 pm
Give it a moment. HINT: This is very low-brow humor; hence the bad jokes thread.

(http://i.imgur.com/rMtLodn.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 17, 2015, 01:28:29 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 18, 2015, 03:08:01 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/nOhVbuW.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 18, 2015, 03:16:36 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/4A9food.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 18, 2015, 04:36:05 pm
.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 18, 2015, 05:39:33 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 18, 2015, 08:39:11 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 19, 2015, 03:35:04 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/gJSiATN.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 19, 2015, 03:46:39 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 19, 2015, 07:48:27 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/RX8sRQ0.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 19, 2015, 07:56:24 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 19, 2015, 11:46:28 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/DvHBDvi.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 20, 2015, 11:48:41 am
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 20, 2015, 08:33:58 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 22, 2015, 12:46:06 am
(http://i.imgur.com/DO16ep5.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Monika the diva on January 22, 2015, 11:30:29 pm
I am writing material to do stand up comedy. I'll share this little anecdote that i wrote.
"I am transgender and i will say to you all. I know some of my trans brothers and sisters get upset and angry when people in general use the word <transgender person> and get offended. I will not get offended because growing up i never thought that it meant transgender. Growing up i always thought <transgender person> was part of the car. When my dad owned the last used car he owned the <transgender person> broke. He said "The damn <transgender person>'s broke and i got to fix it." I never thought that my dad had a hamster wheel in his car with a broken transgender person in it.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 26, 2015, 05:12:49 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/SL312z5.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 26, 2015, 05:54:28 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/K65QfnJ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 26, 2015, 06:52:37 pm
.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 26, 2015, 07:53:45 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/OSVOu5F.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 26, 2015, 08:03:08 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on January 27, 2015, 10:35:47 pm
How many trans people does it take to change a lightbulb?

We'll let you know when we're done crying over all the clothes that don't fit!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 27, 2015, 10:57:55 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 28, 2015, 07:02:09 am
(http://i.imgur.com/MjNCtTn.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 28, 2015, 05:17:30 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/tdDnbBi.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 28, 2015, 05:47:33 pm
 :) thinking about math a little too much
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 28, 2015, 06:17:30 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 28, 2015, 09:45:50 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/RMhxqFn.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 28, 2015, 10:07:39 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 29, 2015, 01:44:22 am
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: K Style Addiction on January 29, 2015, 06:30:10 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/OSVOu5F.png)

When i first saw this on TV i didn't get it...now i finally do LOL.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Elle.R on January 30, 2015, 03:35:35 pm
Science joke from my old chemistry teacher

What's someone who touches mols called?... a molester



*mol is the unit of measurement for chemical substances*
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 30, 2015, 04:31:50 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on January 30, 2015, 04:48:37 pm
What did the ocean say to the ship?

Nothing, just waved.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on January 30, 2015, 08:00:03 pm
:)

WE'RE #n/n!!!


...and sometimes we are end over end, too...
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 31, 2015, 02:46:40 am
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 31, 2015, 09:55:40 am
Oh, Stephanie. I'm so glad you're here. You fit right in. :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 31, 2015, 10:27:35 am
 >:-)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 31, 2015, 10:45:00 am
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 31, 2015, 05:04:32 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/o6xNUCE.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 31, 2015, 05:05:10 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/4RieSvt.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 31, 2015, 05:06:48 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/zPhoqLc.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 31, 2015, 05:31:05 pm
Not many people fit this description! Time for genderless restrooms.

(http://i.imgur.com/wqZ1ZMe.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 31, 2015, 05:58:36 pm
.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 31, 2015, 06:24:09 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/pWxVJ3c.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 31, 2015, 06:44:03 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/J74f5zC.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 31, 2015, 06:48:59 pm
The coolest car evar! (http://www.wimp.com/coolestcar/)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 31, 2015, 11:59:05 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: immortal gypsy on February 01, 2015, 12:30:45 am
At night I sleep like a baby.

I wake up every three hours crying and hungry
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on February 01, 2015, 08:29:47 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qOyigFt_Mw
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 02, 2015, 11:52:08 am
(http://i.imgur.com/RtPHTfa.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 02, 2015, 01:23:20 pm
http://i.imgur.com/SXP5nfQ.gifv
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on February 02, 2015, 05:11:43 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 02, 2015, 06:29:31 pm
I drawded it.

(http://i.imgur.com/BC169cx.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 02, 2015, 09:02:44 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/NKmDsBO.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on February 02, 2015, 09:30:38 pm
how about a potty trained sloth
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 02, 2015, 10:58:22 pm
Can relate.

(http://i.imgur.com/VxfoKxk.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 02, 2015, 11:41:25 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/6ha8Xyb.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on February 03, 2015, 01:40:50 am
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10941145_1677548145805487_8546192175948198118_n.jpg?oh=6665ca021c9630584c3101d5853a0951&oe=554EB211&__gda__=1433349441_30b73d13e921358a0ca6f88b6e76f450)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 03, 2015, 08:23:04 am
(http://i.imgur.com/5hvhPkP.jpg)

You'll only get this if you watched Super Bowl ads, but then you'll realize that this is a REALLY bad joke.  >:-)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on February 04, 2015, 11:27:36 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on February 04, 2015, 11:34:18 pm
 :)please click to enlarge,
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on February 04, 2015, 11:46:48 pm
It would help to post jokes that people could actually see

Wait, that would actually make sense

Nevermind
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 05, 2015, 09:01:19 am
It would help to post jokes that people could actually see

I don't get it. Can you not see some of them?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on February 05, 2015, 09:45:12 am
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on February 05, 2015, 01:16:19 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 05, 2015, 02:26:21 pm
Why are eggs tapered on one end? So the chicken's butt won't SLAM shut!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bojs9Qbj0ks
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 05, 2015, 02:49:06 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/i472tVW.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 05, 2015, 03:09:30 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/MZntZyw.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 05, 2015, 08:27:31 pm
They asked the delivery guy to write a joke on the box (http://imgur.com/bkdfOz6).
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on February 06, 2015, 04:10:19 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on February 06, 2015, 04:44:46 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/MZntZyw.jpg)

ST:TNG reference Capt Picard/Locutus...with an unusual hat...

I don't get it. Please explain
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: immortal gypsy on February 06, 2015, 04:58:15 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/MZntZyw.jpg)
ST:TNG reference Capt Picard/Locutus...with an unusual hat...

I don't get it. Please explain

Heisen'BORG'

"He is the one who assimilates"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Devlyn on February 06, 2015, 05:18:33 pm
I don't get it. Can you not see some of them?

This one crashed my phone twice:

http://i.imgur.com/SXP5nfQ.gifv

Not sure what the android doesn't like there, but it doesn't.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 06, 2015, 08:07:58 pm
Oh, that does seem to be a new format for extra complex GIFs.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on February 06, 2015, 08:12:26 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Kittenswithmittens on February 07, 2015, 04:44:04 am
I signed up for penguin language classes but they were kinda awk.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on February 07, 2015, 07:44:02 am
I wanted to try the paleo diet but where do you even find a mastodon?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 07, 2015, 11:16:08 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/bRf15Ow.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Illuminess on February 08, 2015, 04:35:47 am
My deepest apologies to any vegans or vegetarians..but...

(https://scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10868109_10153025188748851_2503020882352437152_n.jpg?oh=a10aa5575bc907037cf8a6717446f421&oe=556694FF)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: infinity on February 11, 2015, 08:20:23 pm
(http://jp12.r0tt.com/t_b6f32a10-7f49-11e2-a677-6180acf00012.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 13, 2015, 10:07:01 am
(http://i.imgur.com/i5rHuxh.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on February 13, 2015, 11:05:20 am
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 13, 2015, 09:45:44 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/bJ8XQr5.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 14, 2015, 08:09:17 am
Kinda NSFW due to language. This whole video is chock full of REALLY bad jokes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIBvt7mKuMo
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 14, 2015, 08:11:42 am
(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbn93hwLMy1qaju5u.jpg)

See more prankster subway signs here!
http://prosign.tumblr.com/post/33766157596/someone-has-made-fake-london-underground-signs
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 14, 2015, 11:35:39 am
Happy Valentine's Day!

http://wow58-62.diply.com/wowmazing/awesome-valentines-cards/88691
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 14, 2015, 03:33:14 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/YqflAcp.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Monika the diva on February 14, 2015, 08:46:16 pm
"I walked into a Dunkin Donuts to buy a cup of coffee. The guy on the other side of the counter was an older gentlemen from India. So the following dialogue takes place."
Guy: (with an accent) that will be $4.27.
I paid the man that amount.
Guy: Thank you sir!
I turn around and I was a little annoyed.
Me: Excuse me but do I look like a sir to you?
He didn't know how to respond so I walked out and he ends with
Guy: Thank you come again!
As I was walking out to my car.
I thought to myself "<not allowed> that guy. I'm never coming back. That guy can suck my dick while I still have it."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 14, 2015, 08:54:25 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/9mAozXz.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 16, 2015, 04:16:46 pm
(https://i.imgur.com/Ltgrpg8.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: StrykerXIII on February 16, 2015, 04:27:08 pm
(http://thechefscircle.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/I-Camerbert-It.jpg)

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/e9/33/38/e933382b6e7935c1c9eadb6f3f062c0a.jpg)

(https://tempholdingspot.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/puns1.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: infinity on February 16, 2015, 04:31:37 pm
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lon0mwRFsj1qguuoxo1_500.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 16, 2015, 05:08:04 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ot2QLiQ.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: StrykerXIII on February 16, 2015, 05:13:40 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ot2QLiQ.gif)

I'm not quite sure I understand the context of this one. I'm an atheist, and all I see here is a guy banging a dead squirrel against a canvas.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 16, 2015, 06:34:58 pm
You know it's a bad joke if you have to explain it. :)

I think it's a sarcastic jab at evolution that's not meant to be taken seriously. In other words, it's probably by atheists poking fun at silly arguments against evolution.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Devlyn on February 16, 2015, 06:43:37 pm
I like the juxtaposition of the two squirrels, it signifies the ongoing struggle of good against evil. The use of shadowing foretells the insignificance of our terrestrial selves.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 16, 2015, 06:50:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/u4eXx0H.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 16, 2015, 06:52:24 pm
Give it a minute...

(http://i.imgur.com/jw7shuF.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 16, 2015, 07:18:14 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/WiRrsqr.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 16, 2015, 10:07:22 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/jgIyL7z.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 16, 2015, 10:24:14 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/92iEDru.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: infinity on February 17, 2015, 08:51:22 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/GmskGDY.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Vanny on February 17, 2015, 08:58:56 pm
Two ropes cross the street.   One walks into a bar, the other gets on a bus...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: JustASeq on February 18, 2015, 03:05:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ot2QLiQ.gif)

Is that like Schrödinger's squirrel or something?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cynobyte on February 19, 2015, 02:50:33 am
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5q6oyABkd1rqo1kco1_500.jpg)

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cynobyte on February 19, 2015, 02:52:06 am
Didn't show pic, could the moderator fix please;)  link is good





Fixed
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Tripdistrans on February 19, 2015, 02:58:50 am
(From Mum)

I went shopping today for some camouflage pants, I couldn't find any.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on February 19, 2015, 03:09:53 am
What happens when an Australian gets turned on? - They have an OZgasm

What happens when an American gets turned on? - Everyone hides their Apple Pie

What happens when a Canadian gets turned on? - The Moose run and hide

What happens when a German gets turned on? - They play a game called Stuka

What happens when a Russian gets turned on? - They attack their nearest Neighbor
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 19, 2015, 09:36:51 am
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1369308193116367
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 20, 2015, 08:25:58 am
Trying to keep the joke quality totally craptastic!

(http://i.imgur.com/l8hu4cm.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: infinity on February 22, 2015, 12:13:53 pm
what is it called when batman leaves church early?

christian bale.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Kellam on February 22, 2015, 12:24:52 pm
What's blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 22, 2015, 03:04:15 pm
I suppose it's undeniable.

(http://i.imgur.com/uAmutQt.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: infinity on February 22, 2015, 03:19:38 pm
if you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit. they're usually around 90 degrees.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 22, 2015, 03:21:56 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/JiYAZS2.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 22, 2015, 03:22:24 pm
if you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit. they're usually around 90 degrees.

Ninja-ed!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 22, 2015, 04:20:10 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/QuaXMh0.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 22, 2015, 05:18:50 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/1EuC75W.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 23, 2015, 01:20:17 pm
So uh... it's very cold in NH right now.

(http://i.imgur.com/FlMI12o.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 23, 2015, 08:45:24 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Du3mDP4.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LordKAT on February 25, 2015, 12:05:15 am
What do polar bears get from sitting on the ice all day?


Polaroids
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 25, 2015, 08:25:18 am
(https://40.media.tumblr.com/e22fc1d5ac9b5322a92dd4e81bfe6bdc/tumblr_nhm7zyS9k01t0438mo1_1280.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 25, 2015, 08:30:01 am
(http://i.imgur.com/sEBu8lK.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 25, 2015, 09:27:57 am
(http://i.imgur.com/hN3pI3m.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 25, 2015, 05:44:38 pm
Not a very strategic placement of the Xmas decorations.

(http://i.imgur.com/8a3Os6J.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 25, 2015, 06:16:15 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/gIsK30C.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 25, 2015, 06:32:22 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/XSr2NBQ.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 25, 2015, 08:08:34 pm
OMG, it's two feet of snow! (http://imgur.com/uxxOclg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 28, 2015, 08:48:28 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/2GOiOtz.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 01, 2015, 04:04:10 pm
"I'm going to have to put you on howl-d."

(http://i.imgur.com/OsRO5qX.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 01, 2015, 04:05:24 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/sA7BTGu.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 01, 2015, 04:07:32 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/J8wKf7m.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Kellam on March 02, 2015, 07:05:05 am
How many Ramones does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



1 2 3 4!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Kellam on March 02, 2015, 07:07:17 am
I'm going to be muttering "camelflage" to myself all day today...thanks...
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 02, 2015, 02:10:03 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/0fc8PGJ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 03, 2015, 07:39:35 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Lu4YrYQ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 03, 2015, 07:40:24 am
I'm going to be muttering "camelflage" to myself all day today...thanks...

Your welcome!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 03, 2015, 08:01:35 pm
Pop art of the top part of a pop tart (http://i.imgur.com/k7mlMIs.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 03, 2015, 08:09:12 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/NBjJYw2.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 04, 2015, 07:46:05 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/bWa7Esa.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 04, 2015, 10:08:26 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/27RroHz.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 04, 2015, 11:14:33 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/sb9Qthf.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 05, 2015, 12:29:33 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/zO1wrbe.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 05, 2015, 01:05:40 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ThRTyJb.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 07, 2015, 11:50:22 am
(http://i.imgur.com/8yoXFcH.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on March 09, 2015, 06:22:31 pm
What's the difference between _*insert name*_ and a fence post? Not much, they're both a dense stick in the mud
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: marsh monster on March 09, 2015, 06:26:55 pm
What's the difference between _*insert name*_ and a fence post? Not much, they're both a dense stick in the mud
I'm only back a few hours and you're already talking bad about me?


Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on March 09, 2015, 06:29:34 pm
I'm only back a few hours and you're already talking bad about me?

Nope, someone else, you'll have to wait your turn  >:-)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 10, 2015, 09:17:30 am
(http://i.imgur.com/h3Jv3pS.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 10, 2015, 07:23:37 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/rATyFTf.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 10, 2015, 08:51:29 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/lPmliTt.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: infinity on March 10, 2015, 08:53:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/lPmliTt.jpg)

you've ruined disney! :D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 10, 2015, 08:55:13 pm
What really happened to the dinosaurs.

(http://i.imgur.com/LHEflXT.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 10, 2015, 09:12:20 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/JoffpdV.jpeg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 10, 2015, 09:12:59 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/dooMkAM.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 11, 2015, 08:50:48 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/8kjnGo1.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 12, 2015, 11:09:43 am
(http://i.imgur.com/GnnJ8X8.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 12, 2015, 01:27:07 pm
I saw a hypnotist last night, he hypnotised seven men and then dropped the mic on his foot "OH BUGGER ME!" He shouted.....what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life...
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 14, 2015, 07:43:33 am
(http://i.imgur.com/SPlOwr3.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 14, 2015, 09:53:41 am
(http://i.imgur.com/yOHm7WA.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 14, 2015, 11:19:01 am
Translated: God give me a sign

(http://i.imgur.com/KhdJlOt.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 14, 2015, 11:29:46 am
I always forget how I wound up in this yard, and then I see the milkshake.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 14, 2015, 12:33:14 pm
Okay, I laughed but I wasn't so much laughing at the picture as much as how juvenile redditors' senses of humor are. It was posted with the title "When you see it, you can't unsee it"

(http://i.imgur.com/ixQJGi0.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 14, 2015, 01:33:34 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/arXVfZb.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 14, 2015, 02:10:49 pm
(https://i.imgur.com/1f0jYz4.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Devlyn on March 14, 2015, 02:38:19 pm
(https://i.imgur.com/1f0jYz4.jpg)

That's wrong on so many levels!  :laugh:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 14, 2015, 09:57:14 pm
That's wrong on so many levels!  :laugh:

Sometimes I get "bad" and "wrong" mixed up in this thread. It's all "good", I guess, in a manner of speaking.  >:-)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Devlyn on March 14, 2015, 10:33:55 pm
Sometimes I get "bad" and "wrong" mixed up in this thread. It's all "good", I guess, in a manner of speaking.  >:-)

Amen!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 15, 2015, 08:08:03 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/vZQdsjh.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 15, 2015, 11:13:19 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/BRBI3fR.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 15, 2015, 11:19:07 pm
I posted this on porpoise because it was a peeling. (http://imgur.com/pbnaW0k)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 17, 2015, 01:59:03 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyxPXaXo4Kk
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 17, 2015, 02:20:26 pm
I'm part Irish so I'm allowed to tell this joke, but don't any of you non-Irish folk tell it or I'll be offended!  :police:

(http://i.imgur.com/C1UDuaR.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 17, 2015, 02:22:46 pm
http://www.<another forum>.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2zch57/whats_a_short_clean_joke_that_gets_a_laugh_every/

One of my favorites:

Why can't you tell a kleptomaniac a joke?

They always take things literally
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 17, 2015, 11:29:08 pm
SO APHRODITE CAN LAY AROUND NUDE IN A CLAM SHELL AND SHE'S A GODDESS, but when I do it, I'm "publicly intoxicated" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 18, 2015, 09:22:08 am
(http://i.imgur.com/vR8GNYC.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 18, 2015, 11:25:24 am
Okay, yep. I can see that this website is appropriately named.

http://www.somethingawful.com/news/humane-cat-adoption/
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 18, 2015, 10:49:06 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/3uKIIDp.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 19, 2015, 08:29:38 am
(https://38.media.tumblr.com/969c07a1b30479ed2bdf2fa0f641e1b2/tumblr_nlbpniy77Z1snteogo2_r1_500.gif)
(https://33.media.tumblr.com/3ac2d923d5db2dc0290cd4c0716bb67b/tumblr_nlbpniy77Z1snteogo1_r1_500.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 19, 2015, 01:31:42 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gia6xOBRjQE
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 20, 2015, 12:24:19 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/IheSv1L.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on March 20, 2015, 12:57:37 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/IheSv1L.jpg)
Twenty yard penalty for excessive cuteness.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 22, 2015, 09:08:37 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ncyVlbw.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 23, 2015, 09:40:09 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXDh-1dvkNs
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 23, 2015, 09:53:28 am
(http://i.imgur.com/0LyfGBY.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 23, 2015, 09:28:40 pm
Elijah would... (http://imgur.com/gallery/tHa16)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 23, 2015, 09:31:38 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/G6yGwj8.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 23, 2015, 11:16:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/NvRapmc.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on March 23, 2015, 11:28:57 pm
After getting all of Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and now that I'm Pope, I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, Dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: " The Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is stumped, " You been drinking, John? "
Cop: " No Sir."
Chief : " Then what makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 24, 2015, 05:45:11 pm
This episode is just chock full of very bad jokes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwxlI8sdAcM
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 25, 2015, 12:19:16 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/5qIyNLR.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 25, 2015, 02:45:53 pm
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 25, 2015, 07:47:58 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/NY70swo.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 25, 2015, 08:25:59 pm
That's no way to treat a fan! (http://imgur.com/7xec6iP)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 25, 2015, 08:46:19 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/kx4ojBU.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 25, 2015, 09:29:45 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/JDsQMYj.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 25, 2015, 10:53:10 pm
Hopefully it's not too soon for this REALLY BAD one!

(http://i.imgur.com/My71hAq.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on March 26, 2015, 01:23:01 am
After getting all of Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and now that I'm Pope, I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, Dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: " The Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is stumped, " You been drinking, John? "
Cop: " No Sir."
Chief : " Then what makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."

Ha ha, I'm going to remember that one and tell it to some of my friends at church.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 26, 2015, 08:36:42 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CplTXmbJj3g
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on March 26, 2015, 11:02:39 pm
The difference between a neurotic,, a psychotic, and a psychiatrist. a neurotic builds metaphorical castles in the sky, a psychotic lives in them. and a psychiatrist collects the rent ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 27, 2015, 12:05:16 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/E6s1Nyx.jpg) (http://www.brainlesstales.com/2015-03-27/brownie-points)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 27, 2015, 04:18:21 pm
TIL

(http://36.media.tumblr.com/6c3a43fa4bfd0a9876dd9b5db177906d/tumblr_mu6jioFahz1s7vcw5o1_1280.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 27, 2015, 08:51:03 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/XQZ2rfY.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 29, 2015, 11:10:08 am
It may actually be too soon for this one...

(http://i.imgur.com/f9kgUGY.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 29, 2015, 11:43:38 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/EeJ0soM.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 30, 2015, 12:01:12 am
(http://i.imgur.com/gQ2iGJs.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on March 30, 2015, 12:06:32 am
(http://i.imgur.com/gQ2iGJs.jpg)

And this weeks award goes to Dalebert - good one!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on March 30, 2015, 01:31:35 am
A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Butt."

The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."

The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Butt."

The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."

The girl exclaims, "Glad Ass -- Happy Butt -- what's the difference?"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cynobyte on March 31, 2015, 12:23:07 am
That's horrible,  thank you for the laugh:)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Aubrey1day on March 31, 2015, 11:24:31 am
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/04/25/23/042523cbadcd137a2c824d8509a5175a.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 01, 2015, 01:05:13 am
It does my heart good to see other folks active in this thread! Good stuff. Well, bad stuff, but that's the point of the thread, right?  :laugh:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 01, 2015, 10:46:36 am
(http://i.imgur.com/v2hwE0t.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 01, 2015, 04:47:33 pm
Come on, folks. I'm expecting this thread to explode today!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2ED7fgji08
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on April 01, 2015, 06:49:28 pm
Not really a joke :(

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/11080962_1572610003010373_5389574637774849433_n.jpg?oh=bb7e2a8e10af80bcb0612621b2501159&oe=55ADABB2&__gda__=1438512856_143c43854c8c798d634bf166f54e3537)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 01, 2015, 11:33:09 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/AH0gABc.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 01, 2015, 11:38:13 pm
"A lot of people are asking what happens after you die. Actually a lot of things happen. Just none of them include you." -Louie
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 02, 2015, 09:15:51 am
This one's full of bull. I mean it's full of bad jokes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_QYzDFw9oY
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ainsley on April 02, 2015, 01:42:48 pm
Here a classic my dad told me when I was a kid:

Quote
Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her killed.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid in part up front. The man opened up his wallet and displayed the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Safeway grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

Unknown to Artie, the entire proceeding were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband.

And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared: "Artie chokes two for a dollar at Safeway."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on April 02, 2015, 04:45:00 pm
That was awful, thank you!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 03, 2015, 08:08:33 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Av3RImv.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 03, 2015, 08:09:18 am
That was awful, thank you!

With that much setup, you KNOW a bad joke is on the way!  ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ainsley on April 03, 2015, 08:25:31 am
With that much setup, you KNOW a bad joke is on the way!  ;D

Ha, that is my Dad's style, for sure!  He has a ton of them.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ChiGirl on April 03, 2015, 08:26:29 am
(http://cf.broadsheet.ie/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/rolls.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 03, 2015, 08:48:43 am
(http://cf.broadsheet.ie/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/rolls.jpg)

It's like this was made especially for Susan's Place.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on April 03, 2015, 04:52:20 pm
https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/1926913_10152331855249561_7851421594857149745_n.jpg?oh=5b6a61aaf4c851ddc4ac01ebdf224d59&oe=55BE5D67&__gda__=1437723736_8099028d2da1f43d9832473e09ee1b87 (https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/1926913_10152331855249561_7851421594857149745_n.jpg?oh=5b6a61aaf4c851ddc4ac01ebdf224d59&oe=55BE5D67&__gda__=1437723736_8099028d2da1f43d9832473e09ee1b87)

Possibly someones needs to learn how to spell?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on April 03, 2015, 06:55:55 pm
A drunk cow walks into a bar and asks the barkeep if he's got any moonshine

The barkeep says "No sorry, don't have any moonshine, it would be illegal"

Were upon the cow turns about, lifts it's tail and says "Well ya do now!!!"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: jeni on April 03, 2015, 08:09:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/v2hwE0t.jpg)

I actually came out to a friend over IM on April 1 this year. She was kinda upset I chose that day of all days.

Fortunately she did not need to make a similar apology, though it did take a few minutes before she was convinced I wasn't messing with her.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on April 03, 2015, 10:16:54 pm
https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/1926913_10152331855249561_7851421594857149745_n.jpg?oh=5b6a61aaf4c851ddc4ac01ebdf224d59&oe=55BE5D67&__gda__=1437723736_8099028d2da1f43d9832473e09ee1b87 (https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/1926913_10152331855249561_7851421594857149745_n.jpg?oh=5b6a61aaf4c851ddc4ac01ebdf224d59&oe=55BE5D67&__gda__=1437723736_8099028d2da1f43d9832473e09ee1b87)

Possibly someones needs to learn how to spell?

Either that, or the church needs to burglar-proof the sign... ;)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 04, 2015, 08:54:36 am
(http://i.imgur.com/uJH9ljM.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 05, 2015, 09:01:18 am
Every day is Easter in NH! So today, I'm celebrating Wester. I'm going to pretend it's three hours earlier.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ChiGirl on April 05, 2015, 10:20:25 am
"Easter's been cancelled.  They found the body."  - George Carlin
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 05, 2015, 12:23:05 pm
Yuck

(http://i.imgur.com/vpzm6fP.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 05, 2015, 03:58:01 pm
Ethernet (n): What you use to catch the Ether Bunny
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on April 05, 2015, 06:59:56 pm
Pirate Dictionary 

Instigator - Definition of instigator (ĭn′stĭ-gāt′arrr) 1. An alligator that suddenly appears
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on April 05, 2015, 08:34:25 pm
(http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/11/43/lolcatsdotcomrlz2isi4xipy19ob.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 05, 2015, 11:55:35 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/OsHu6JM.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on April 06, 2015, 09:36:14 am
A woman's cat passed away, she loved the cat so much she took it to a taxidermist

Still feeling lonely, she started going to group therapy sessions

When asked what her favorite activity was she replied...

"Well, since I'd got my <vagina> stuffed I tend to just lay about watching the TV while I stroke it"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Devlyn on April 06, 2015, 09:37:56 am
(http://i.imgur.com/OsHu6JM.jpg)

The Green Green Grass Of Home!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: marsh monster on April 06, 2015, 12:21:15 pm
My meager contribution.


From the movie Shanghai Calling which I am watching now and heard this in it and thought it was a good fit.

"Hey, you should go to Bangkok, I know this really hot masseuse there, her name is Kevin"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on April 06, 2015, 02:48:09 pm
My meager contribution.


From the movie Shanghai Calling which I am watching now and heard this in it and thought it was a good fit.

"Hey, you should go to Bangkok, I know this really hot masseuse there, her name is Kevin"

OMG...*checks Netflix*
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 07, 2015, 03:16:34 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/NUItnlA.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 07, 2015, 03:18:07 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/XPpRp7M.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ainsley on April 07, 2015, 03:53:11 pm
http://i.imgur.com/XPpRp7M.jpg
That one makes me laugh every time I see it, dalebert.


Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 07, 2015, 09:02:32 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/eI8wM0o.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 07, 2015, 09:45:20 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ZKK23WZ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 07, 2015, 11:17:42 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/pYWsFj0.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 07, 2015, 11:24:59 pm
What's the difference between an extroverted and an introverted engineer?

An extroverted engineer looks at your feet when he talks to you.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 08, 2015, 07:35:39 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/LISPiQa.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 09, 2015, 07:35:33 am

-- See more quotes --
(http://i.imgur.com/Ls2myIU.png)
(http://randommization.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/fitness-quotes-for-getting-drunk.jpg) (http://randommization.com/2013/09/12/if-you-add-drunk-people-to-fitness-quotes-things-get-hilarious/)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 09, 2015, 08:02:33 am
I found some more of those HERE!

(http://i.imgur.com/k08HBwH.jpg) (http://imgur.com/a/rQgwM)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 09, 2015, 09:22:47 am
(http://i.imgur.com/jbp1kYv.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 09, 2015, 11:38:28 am
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfJ5v3Cyou8
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 12, 2015, 10:22:40 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/rzJAlwS.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 13, 2015, 10:43:15 am
Maybe we need a bad pickup lines thread.

(http://i.imgur.com/VqnbDLn.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 13, 2015, 10:44:34 am
Kids, don't try this at home.

(http://i.imgur.com/DRFigUc.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 13, 2015, 01:18:59 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/CPhoNrq.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 13, 2015, 07:30:21 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/vrsxbq5.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 13, 2015, 07:42:55 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/mPvCKCU.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 13, 2015, 07:51:03 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/d0ZjsAX.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 13, 2015, 08:54:29 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/DHN9huA.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 14, 2015, 06:52:30 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/fUYlOdo.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 14, 2015, 08:25:42 pm
(https://axbymag.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/smalltown-1.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 15, 2015, 09:47:49 am
A tax day joke!

http://www.tickld.com/x/irs-accuses-this-man-of-hiding-money-his-response-is-genius
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 15, 2015, 03:44:05 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/WMgAD2j.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 15, 2015, 04:09:19 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/5TZ9h3s.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 15, 2015, 06:13:38 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/noMIg8e.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 15, 2015, 07:03:26 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/WrG4DC0.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 15, 2015, 08:36:52 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ZtZve0n.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 16, 2015, 03:46:51 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Lo0jaZo.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 16, 2015, 03:55:23 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/lo2u24c.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 16, 2015, 04:10:20 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/s31G1aa.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 16, 2015, 04:16:53 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/quuB2N1.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 16, 2015, 04:17:27 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/SkS4cSa.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 16, 2015, 04:26:15 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/F3KmxGS.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: fitzyfoop on April 16, 2015, 04:26:37 pm
I'm part Irish so I'm allowed to tell this joke, but don't any of you non-Irish folk tell it or I'll be offended!  olice:

(http://i.imgur.com/C1UDuaR.jpg)
Part Irish doesn't cut it. You have to be fully Irish to tell this joke, and I fit the criteria
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 17, 2015, 07:35:50 pm
I thought about making a joke about sodium but Na.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 19, 2015, 07:43:44 pm
Thanks to the heads up from Devlyn, I am editing this post!

When Satan is constipated, he eats Hellman’s mustard.

Satan took my colander. No surprise: He is the Great De-Siever.

Even after Hell was incorporated, Satan retained soul ownership.

I slept with the devil last night. We had six 3 times!

People with stinky feet are scent toe hell.

With recent budget cuts, Satan has had to cut back on regular maintenance, which has left Hades in a state of grim repair.

Why did the pope forbid Catholics from traveling to the land of the beavers?
Because – he wanted them to avoid dam nation!

(http://i.imgur.com/cdQ37HF.gif)

(http://i.imgur.com/zWFkE2G.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Devlyn on April 19, 2015, 07:46:59 pm
Dalebert grabbed the Devyl's post!  >:-)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 20, 2015, 07:17:25 am
(http://i.imgur.com/KHLG39J.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 20, 2015, 07:18:54 am
Dalebert grabbed the Devyl's post!  >:-)

What the Heck, Devlyn? I left you an eight minute window of opportunity to grab that spot. You gotta get on the ball!  >:-)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: fitzyfoop on April 20, 2015, 07:21:58 am
I may or may not have frozen the ball... (NAME JOKE!)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 20, 2015, 07:22:44 am
(http://i.imgur.com/N5Sr5xA.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: fitzyfoop on April 20, 2015, 07:26:42 am
*crickets chirping, waiting for Devlyn*
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 20, 2015, 08:48:27 am
(http://i.imgur.com/75FzEI1.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on April 20, 2015, 10:12:48 am
Will they uplift my poodle?
[Link Removed]
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 20, 2015, 10:39:12 am
Pedicure? I didn't know you were Pedi-ill.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: fitzyfoop on April 20, 2015, 10:40:40 am
*stares at Dalebert blankly* Could you please explain the baseball joke?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ainsley on April 20, 2015, 11:10:56 am
*stares at Dalebert blankly* Could you please explain the baseball joke?

This should help:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 20, 2015, 04:54:56 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/nOW8WHA.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: fitzyfoop on April 20, 2015, 04:59:09 pm
*realisation hits* Ohhhhhhhh
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 20, 2015, 06:08:35 pm
This should help:
"Abbot & Costello's Who's on First"

Whenever I've thought back on that skit, I always imagine it really stupid. Truth is, when I re-watched it just today, it had me seriously cracking up. This is my conclusion. The skit itself IS stupid, but those two are just so talented in their delivery!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on April 20, 2015, 06:37:01 pm
Whenever I've thought back on that skit, I always imagine it really stupid. Truth is, when I re-watched it just today, it had me seriously cracking up. This is my conclusion. The skit itself IS stupid, but those two are just so talented in their delivery!
The Baseball Hall of Fame has uniform shirts and hats for that skit and it plays continuously on a screen on one floor. I have the third baseman's jersey that I wear to pro games.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 20, 2015, 10:56:56 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/74FNC9x.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 21, 2015, 08:47:27 am
(http://i.imgur.com/QE2x1NS.png) (http://explosm.net/comics/3902)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 21, 2015, 08:48:52 am
(http://i.imgur.com/GcWigCc.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 22, 2015, 12:44:12 pm
I told a friend I had to go fix lunch. He asked, "How'd it break?"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 22, 2015, 02:07:34 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/DFeL3gx.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 22, 2015, 09:37:12 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/yekyggo.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 23, 2015, 09:17:51 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Aw4PqBp.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 23, 2015, 10:40:02 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Po71v6x.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 25, 2015, 05:22:52 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/iNRf4Tm.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 27, 2015, 02:32:12 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/snh3RLL.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on April 27, 2015, 07:05:10 pm
Politics--A Latin phrase which means "many blood-sucking creatures" ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 27, 2015, 08:57:11 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/MrMTkfX.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 28, 2015, 05:21:27 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/tbVqDCL.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 29, 2015, 01:02:28 pm
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? A porky-pine.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? He was feeling crumby.

Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself? He had no body to go with him.

Why does Snoop Dog use an umbrella? For Drizzle.

Sourced from this video in which he reads from a teen magazine.
https://youtu.be/tGnEHBiEjDk?t=11m50s
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 29, 2015, 05:41:08 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ozhbFjM.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on April 30, 2015, 12:41:27 pm
A DEA officer shows up at a farm and says to the farmer, "I need to inspect your property for illegal plants."

The farmer says, "Okay. Just stay out of that fenced in field over there."

The DEA officer whips out a billfold with a fancy-looking badge inside and says "Do you see this badge? This badge is backed up by the authority of the Federal government that says I can inspect every *)#$ing inch of your property if I so desire. Don't you dare *)#$ing tell me where I can inspect."

The farmer shrugs and gets back to work while the DEA agent, still red-faced from anger, jumps over the fence. A few minutes later the farmer hears screams of terror off in the distance. He drops his tools and runs over to the fence and sees the DEA agent running from an enormous bull that's rapidly gaining on him.

The farmer screams to him, "Your badge! Show him your badge!"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 01, 2015, 07:27:27 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/zQRiQBb.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 01, 2015, 07:30:52 pm
This is why you shouldn't swallow gum. (http://i.imgur.com/7mAGWnN.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 01, 2015, 07:38:12 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/pyQYA3I.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 04, 2015, 01:51:44 pm
What's black and never works?

Click for answer (http://imgur.com/VEmq3Qg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ChiGirl on May 04, 2015, 02:21:30 pm
Whenever I've thought back on that skit, I always imagine it really stupid. Truth is, when I re-watched it just today, it had me seriously cracking up. This is my conclusion. The skit itself IS stupid, but those two are just so talented in their delivery!
The Kids in the Hall did a brilliant sketch based on "Who's on First?"

https://youtu.be/qDo4JeRsVE4
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 10, 2015, 08:12:03 pm
Archer quotes attached to James Bond stills. Click for more. Some are a bit NSFW.

(http://www.amplifyingglass.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/07-WO6MQiN.png?7005fa) (http://www.amplifyingglass.com/archer-quotes-on-james-bond-images/)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on May 10, 2015, 08:38:01 pm
WOW backwards is WOW, WOW upside down is MOM, MOM upside down is dad's favorite thing
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 11, 2015, 08:41:35 am
(http://i.imgur.com/aNxwzpU.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 11, 2015, 02:50:10 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/3Hrvqeu.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 12, 2015, 09:04:51 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/19B825s.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 13, 2015, 06:19:58 am
(http://i.imgur.com/pYPQ7kr.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 13, 2015, 11:55:03 am
I love how he says "I'm no doctor" and they just let that go.

(http://i.imgur.com/SdtV4nj.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 14, 2015, 08:20:41 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/sy6YIgg.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on May 14, 2015, 09:38:30 pm
Saw this on a sign today:

I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14 day diet in just 3 hours and 12 minutes!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 16, 2015, 11:22:49 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/q7d9MEC.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: kelly_1979 on May 17, 2015, 02:07:15 am
Why did the chicken cross the moebius strip?
To get to the same side.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 17, 2015, 07:29:55 am
(http://i.imgur.com/1dxkUNO.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 17, 2015, 04:11:18 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/T8el3aF.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 18, 2015, 08:18:01 am
(http://i.imgur.com/9jIQnxH.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 19, 2015, 02:21:10 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/iraM9eK.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on May 19, 2015, 10:43:42 pm
What's black and never works?

Click for answer (http://imgur.com/VEmq3Qg)
Was I imagiing things, or was that "Left Shark" ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on May 19, 2015, 10:46:12 pm
ummm.. i posted a completely irrelevant response to the wrong joke
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 20, 2015, 08:52:52 am
ummm.. i posted a completely irrelevant response to the wrong joke

Now THAT's funny!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 20, 2015, 02:37:21 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/1Y6rKl5.jpg)(http://i.imgur.com/7g7wXE3.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 20, 2015, 10:19:03 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/eZqGmNT.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on May 20, 2015, 11:33:33 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 21, 2015, 11:06:20 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/5oVlj8u.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 24, 2015, 06:28:32 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/C77v7jz.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 25, 2015, 02:34:36 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/kIT8oEV.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 25, 2015, 09:09:27 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ZLIlkY5.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 26, 2015, 09:08:47 am
(http://i.imgur.com/RhwAyOm.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 27, 2015, 11:51:48 am
(http://i.imgur.com/0bYCMa2.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 27, 2015, 03:45:36 pm
Just like grammar used to make!

(http://i.imgur.com/gmrjqtN.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 27, 2015, 04:44:58 pm
You will only get this in-joke if you play Ingress. It's a free Android app and I highly recommend it. It's the only video game I know that's both addictive and will make you lose weight. :)

(http://i.imgur.com/8fy4MdZ.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on May 27, 2015, 07:01:34 pm
Synonym rolls taste like something else (your choice here).  ;)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 28, 2015, 10:05:01 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/FYMSNvk.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 29, 2015, 11:47:50 am
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/keyboard_mash.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 29, 2015, 11:50:27 am
(http://i.imgur.com/ZLIlkY5.jpg)

And this reminds me of another which I prolly already told, but whatevs.

How can you tell if someone's a vegan?

Oh, they'll tell you!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on May 29, 2015, 12:35:15 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Marly on May 29, 2015, 12:41:55 pm
[Image Removed]
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on May 29, 2015, 01:49:21 pm
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on May 29, 2015, 10:06:36 pm
Auto-correct makes capitalists of us all.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LordKAT on June 07, 2015, 02:05:47 am
I adopted a singing kitty. I have been trying to litter train it. Sadly, everytime I put him in the litter box, he would cry.  So I asked why he always cried when I put him in his litter box. He started singing, " It's my potty and I'll cry if I want to..."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on June 07, 2015, 04:05:21 am
I have a step ladder, - I've never known my real ladder (sniff).
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on June 07, 2015, 07:50:29 am
Looking through Google Now this morning I saw a headline from CNNMoney: "Is a '19 Kids and Counting' spinoff still possible", and I thought, " they should make it about Josh Duggar and his sexual misadventures. "

This is bad, sorry.

Then I thought, "they could keep the name."

I'm sorry, I know we're not supposed to post stuff that degrades people, but I had to share it to get it out of my system. Mods, feel free to delete.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ChiGirl on June 07, 2015, 08:43:41 am
There's two muffins sitting in the oven.

One muffin says to the other muffin, "Is it hot in here or is it me?"

The other muffin says, "AAAAAAAA!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!! AAAAAAAA!!!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on June 07, 2015, 11:24:38 am
This one is so old...

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?





















...Finding half a worm.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Marly on June 08, 2015, 05:08:04 pm
ewww.. :P
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 14, 2015, 03:09:40 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/n989lAD.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 15, 2015, 08:05:58 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/exiHUev.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/9NHiCc0.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/XYrss4S.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/qiLTVeF.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on June 15, 2015, 10:29:08 pm
(http://m.memegen.com/uqqw13.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on June 16, 2015, 02:33:31 am
Female Viagra has been around for years......it's called money!


< not sure if that is even a joke :laugh:>
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 16, 2015, 06:31:49 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Waflspp.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 17, 2015, 02:41:55 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/hhKUHA9.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on June 17, 2015, 09:24:30 pm
Thank you Dalebert, I needed a good laugh right about now.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 17, 2015, 11:32:17 pm
Respect bacteria. Sometimes its the only culture people have.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 17, 2015, 11:37:55 pm
Q:What are cats made of?
A:Iron, Lithium, and Neon.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on June 18, 2015, 11:59:08 am
Q:What are cats made of?
A:Iron, Lithium, and Neon.

LOL...got it in ~15 seconds!

 ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: big kim on June 18, 2015, 03:01:47 pm
Doctor I think I'm a pair of curtains
Pull yourself together
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 18, 2015, 08:23:11 pm
A man is seeing his therapist and comes rushing into his 8:00 am appointment out of the cold rain. The patient is obviously anxious and afraid. The therapist says "Okay, okay, just calm down and tell me whats going on and we can talk about it." The man eventually collects himself and removes his jacket and takes a seat on an old couch in the smoke-filled room. The therapist says "So can you tell me whats going on, you sound very worried?" The patient says "I had this bizarre dream last night ." The therapist says "go on"  The man says "it started out with me sitting in my mother's apartment watching TV. My mother was preparing supper in the kitchen, I looked in the kitchen and I see her from behind opening the oven and taking out the dinner. I go back to watching the TV and suddenly she calls me and I turn, but instead of seeing her face, I see her face on her body. The therapist says "well,that's interesting,then what happened?" The man says 'I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, and I just lie awake in my bed until I got up grabbed a Diet Coke and came to my appointment." The therapist looks at him and says "A Coke, a breakfast you call that?"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 20, 2015, 10:45:11 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/HlKuj7t.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 21, 2015, 12:07:38 am
Anyone who visits a psychologist should get their head checked.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 21, 2015, 12:10:32 am
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like such a failure."
Doctor: "I assure you, anyone who can pay my fees is not a failure."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on June 21, 2015, 12:29:15 am
 :)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 21, 2015, 08:56:55 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/9VgQSYd.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 22, 2015, 02:06:07 am
Q: What do call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 22, 2015, 02:23:07 am
Q: Why was it easy for airport security to find Rush Limbaugh's illegal Viagra stash?
A: Because he looked like a hardened criminal!

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 22, 2015, 02:26:53 am
Q: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors.
A: because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan ;)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on June 22, 2015, 03:25:53 am
Q: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors.
A: because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan ;)

 :laugh: :icon_giggle: :icon_lol:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 22, 2015, 09:17:24 am
Police arrest two men, one eating batteries and the other for eating fireworks. Police charge one and let the other off.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 22, 2015, 09:23:38 am
So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says "Give me some chap-stick... and put it on my bill"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on June 22, 2015, 09:39:10 am
So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says "Give me some chap-stick... and put it on my bill"

Got any grapes?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 22, 2015, 10:21:31 am
 ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 22, 2015, 10:21:59 am
A blind guy goes into a convenience store with his seeing eye dog and then he commences to grab his dog's leash and starts swinging him around. The store clerk screams 'What are you doing?!?!' The blind man says 'just looking around.'
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 22, 2015, 10:24:40 am
Q: What's white, lumpy, and extremely dangerous?
A: Shark-infested mashed potatoes :P
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: marsh monster on June 22, 2015, 04:40:52 pm
Got any grapes?
I love the duck song...
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on June 22, 2015, 06:48:21 pm
I love the duck song...

 ^-^
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 23, 2015, 01:24:12 pm
Q: What do you call an MTF transsexual electrical engineer?
A: A transister!!
<groan>
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ainsley on June 23, 2015, 01:35:07 pm
Love it!  I will use that one, Rachel. ;)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 23, 2015, 03:04:38 pm
I didn't even steal that one from another website, its my own I think, although I'm pretty sure I'm not the first trans woman to crack that groanworthy joke.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 23, 2015, 03:17:44 pm
"got any nails?"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Marlee on June 27, 2015, 02:54:25 pm
Ran into an arrogant guy once who incessantly referred to himself as handsome.

That is, until I told him that sex with three was called a threesome, and sex with two is called a twosome
..are you sure you want to be called handsome?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 28, 2015, 09:57:41 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/hcRNtIr.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on June 28, 2015, 10:39:18 pm
...Since The Duck Song has been freferenced a few times....here's the song (pretend you're 3 for a few):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 29, 2015, 10:39:17 am
Think this one may be posted already but it's worthy of a repeat just to be sure.

(http://i.imgur.com/kG0tett.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 29, 2015, 01:18:23 pm
Bunch o queens (http://imgur.com/UqFLkR1)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 29, 2015, 01:19:02 pm
(https://i.imgur.com/GfFt8Ss.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 29, 2015, 01:21:23 pm
http://i.imgur.com/zGXtpKG.webm
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 29, 2015, 02:13:04 pm
Even the president accidentally makes a bad joke now and then.

(http://i.imgur.com/bL41uPl.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 29, 2015, 09:27:56 pm
I can be a smart-ass sometimes.

(http://i.imgur.com/Ydu6E9Z.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ChiGirl on June 29, 2015, 10:15:13 pm
This one is so old...

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?





















...Finding half a worm.
Biting into an apple and finding a half eaten worm.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 30, 2015, 01:53:28 am
You know you're nerdy and trans* when...
 1. You explain the terms cis and trans to people using the positions of a functional groups on a carbon chain as an analogy.
 2...
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 30, 2015, 08:24:16 am
(http://i.imgur.com/klsKaLu.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on June 30, 2015, 10:58:12 am
Q: How do they pasteurize milk.
A: They put the milk bottles on a conveyor belt and they move it faster and faster until its "past your eyes" <groan>
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on June 30, 2015, 11:02:24 am
(http://i.imgur.com/f1g2PPE.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 02, 2015, 10:08:26 am
(http://i.imgur.com/QsbccX0.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on July 02, 2015, 11:13:57 am
What do you call a boomerang that only goes in a straight line and won't come back.
















A stick.
--------------------------------
Violence is never the answer.

Unless the question is "what is never the answer?", then " violence " is the answer.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on July 03, 2015, 01:17:19 am
[Link Removed]
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on July 03, 2015, 02:22:13 am
Two antenna fell in love. The marriage ceremony was pretty dull but the reception was great!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on July 03, 2015, 04:30:29 am
[Link Removed]
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on July 04, 2015, 01:38:32 am
Willy was a chemist. Willy is no more. What he thought was H2O was was H2SO4.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on July 04, 2015, 01:44:37 am
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on July 04, 2015, 01:58:22 am
An American tourist was riding in a taxi in Israel.

As the taxi approached a red light, the tourist was shocked to see the
driver drive straight through without even slowing down.  Surprised as he
was, he didn't say anything, feeling himself a 'guest' and not wanting to
make waves.

The trip continued without event until the next intersection.

This time the light was green and, to the American's dismay, the cab
driver brought the vehicle to a grinding halt.

Unable to contain his astonishment, he turns to the driver.  "Listen", he
says, "When you went through the red light, I didn't say anything.  But
why on earth are you stopping at a green light?"  The Israeli driver looks
at the American as if he was deranged.  "Are you crazy?!" he shouts.  "The
other guy has a red light!  Do you want to get us killed?!"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on July 04, 2015, 11:31:53 am
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on July 04, 2015, 08:50:36 pm
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning".

"I don't believe you", questions Dolly.

" It's true, no bull!", exclaims Daisy.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 04, 2015, 09:53:33 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/REVxkRd.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on July 04, 2015, 10:19:29 pm
Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One of them says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 05, 2015, 11:28:01 am
(http://i.imgur.com/8EurgDf.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: lost._.at._.sea on July 05, 2015, 04:37:27 pm
Oh god.... I love this more than I should XD


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on July 06, 2015, 04:12:22 pm
"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on July 06, 2015, 04:29:35 pm
The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."
"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on July 06, 2015, 05:16:49 pm
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt, who name him Ahmal. The other one goes to a family in Spain, and gets called Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, the woman tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband replies "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"











 :-\ OK, I'll leave the room now...
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on July 06, 2015, 05:55:15 pm
<groan> :P
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on July 06, 2015, 06:30:47 pm
A man saw his doctor about the green leaves protruding from his bottom. "Don't worry about them, that's just the tip of the iceberg"

this was just too awful not too share :)  :laugh:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 07, 2015, 11:21:56 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/xdE91ru.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Stanna on July 08, 2015, 09:12:54 pm
Man walks into the doctors office and says: Doctor I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam. Doctor says: relax your two tents.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on July 08, 2015, 09:53:57 pm
Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains."
Doctor: "Just pull yourself together."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on July 09, 2015, 01:37:36 am
A guy calls a pizza delivery and orders a pizza with everything, hold the sausage

20 min.s later there's a knock at the door, it's the pizza guy  8)  He's holding the pizza box up with one hand but he has his other hand down his pants

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on July 09, 2015, 04:49:39 am
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hotdog stand and asks: make me one with everything.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on July 09, 2015, 10:49:27 am
I'm not even sure if this is bad or good...
(http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/1436369206-20150708.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on July 09, 2015, 12:56:46 pm
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hotdog stand and asks: make me one with everything.

...And after eating, the monk understands that "one with everything" is already within him.

 :D


I'm sorry, that was really bad.


 ;)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on July 10, 2015, 07:27:14 am
(http://safr.kingfeatures.com/idn/cnfeed/zone/js/content.php?file=aHR0cDovL3NhZnIua2luZ2ZlYXR1cmVzLmNvbS9CaXphcnJvLzE5OTcvMTAvQml6YXJyb190cy4xOTk3MTAxMl85MDAuZ2lm)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: kelly_1979 on July 12, 2015, 03:47:46 am
An infinite number of mathematicians goes into a bar.
The 1st one says: "I'd like a glass of beer"
The 2nd one "I'd like 1/2 a glass"
The 3rd one "Give me 1/4 of a glass"
etc.
Then the barman says "Oh for f*cks sake" and gives them 2 glasses of beer.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 12, 2015, 10:36:41 am
A little help here?

(http://www.brainlesstales.com/images/2015/Jul/riddle.jpg) (http://www.brainlesstales.com/2015-07-08/riddle)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 12, 2015, 11:48:50 am
(http://i.imgur.com/UW1PNXQ.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Marlee on July 12, 2015, 12:35:20 pm
A little help here?

(http://www.brainlesstales.com/images/2015/Jul/riddle.jpg) (http://www.brainlesstales.com/2015-07-08/riddle)

took me a minute. But yea..roll-on deodorant LOL

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on July 12, 2015, 01:26:47 pm
An infinite number of mathematicians goes into a bar.
The 1st one says: "I'd like a glass of beer"
The 2nd one "I'd like 1/2 a glass"
The 3rd one "Give me 1/4 of a glass"
etc.
Then the barman says "Oh for f*cks sake" and gives them 2 glasses of beer.

I love this   :D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 15, 2015, 06:38:55 am
(http://i.imgur.com/s1LMitW.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on July 17, 2015, 06:18:47 am
A chicken and egg were lying in bed smoking a cigarette in post coital relaxation. Well that answers that one, says the egg.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 17, 2015, 03:10:38 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/R4BHkOR.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 17, 2015, 09:24:30 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/T3jZOju.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on July 17, 2015, 11:14:29 pm
A chicken and egg were lying in bed smoking a cigarette in post coital relaxation. Well that answers that one, says the egg.

(http://safr.kingfeatures.com/idn/cnfeed/zone/js/content.php?file=aHR0cDovL3NhZnIua2luZ2ZlYXR1cmVzLmNvbS9CaXphcnJvLzE5OTcvMDcvQml6YXJyb19IVC4xOTk3MDcyMF85MDAuZ2lm)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: janetcgtv on July 18, 2015, 02:27:07 pm
Did you hear this one?









(everything left blank after ? on purpose)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 21, 2015, 09:04:21 am
(http://i.imgur.com/1j7ZhM9.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 21, 2015, 09:34:09 am
(http://i.imgur.com/16bS98G.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 21, 2015, 01:31:58 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/R66qdLM.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LordKAT on July 23, 2015, 03:04:26 am
I had a co worker ask to meet in 2004, then correct himself to 1004.  I told him my delorean was out of fuel.



(He meant room number.)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 25, 2015, 07:01:20 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/5MLNWOz.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Mado G on July 25, 2015, 08:18:03 pm
(http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/b6/58/d8/b658d8194a1a1362c4b1923e314d1a8c.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sigyn on July 25, 2015, 10:25:42 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/R66qdLM.jpg)

I love Anarchyball :D Ancap ball wins!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 27, 2015, 05:44:35 pm
http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on July 27, 2015, 09:45:57 pm
(http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/44016776.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 29, 2015, 07:15:18 am
(http://i.imgur.com/i2ofTyJ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on July 29, 2015, 07:27:29 am
(http://i.imgur.com/i2ofTyJ.jpg)


Interesting to squat on too!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 29, 2015, 09:28:34 am
(http://i.imgur.com/RAg5PQI.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on July 29, 2015, 02:00:53 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/i2ofTyJ.jpg)

Hmm...take a couple 3" "googly eyes", glue them on top next to the wall...glue a large fake mustache just above the curvy part...
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on July 31, 2015, 06:14:31 pm
A Walken freezer (http://imgur.com/OnJLdDl)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 01, 2015, 04:21:15 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/DKhGoJ1.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 02, 2015, 06:39:28 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Kmu3jGm.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 06, 2015, 09:21:49 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/n7Z7dD2.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 07, 2015, 09:00:41 am
(http://i.imgur.com/tZVMFB4.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 07, 2015, 12:23:05 pm
D&D joke. Non-nerds may not get it. Why do fighters take so many laxatives?

The answer is NSFW due to language (https://www.<another forum>.com/r/DMDadJokes/comments/3g3ofw/why_do_fighters_take_so_many_laxatives/).
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 08, 2015, 10:15:32 am
(http://i.imgur.com/PDZQxxW.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 11, 2015, 08:22:59 am
(http://i.imgur.com/8RzJg0G.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 13, 2015, 10:47:19 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/F4DVKS6.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: AbbyKat on August 13, 2015, 11:31:30 pm
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hotdog stand and asks: make me one with everything.

The monk pays with a five and asks for his change.  The hotdog vendor shakes his head and says "Change comes from within".
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 17, 2015, 06:31:22 pm
(http://40.media.tumblr.com/0df28c6bc820e056055cc38a84c7fbdc/tumblr_mgukwrXiPc1rlynuno1_1280.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 18, 2015, 08:59:00 am
What do you call a creature that's half demon, half elephant, and half rhino?

(http://i.imgur.com/EQ6vAul.png)

Hellaphino.

P.S. There's a little bit of South Park humor thrown in.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on August 18, 2015, 04:00:53 pm
The sarchasm four panel comic is brilliant   :laugh:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 19, 2015, 07:24:51 am
(http://i.imgur.com/WK5G00n.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 20, 2015, 06:34:41 pm
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights do make a left.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Juniper on August 20, 2015, 06:48:08 pm
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights do make a left.

Don't forget, two rights can also make a U-Turn so you can go back and try again  :D (I tried, alright?)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 21, 2015, 11:20:05 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Kd8BZ4n.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sarah82 on August 22, 2015, 01:35:21 am
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/proxy/B_5Yxp5-oaJun1yQ11ouheNjD_jowtoyAMV7pSDcErsDbj5ACC2qE433qf7qWXYzk5sSqTwfhh6UV_Ih9MYp=w384-h384-nc)

I will never be able to <heart> again
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 22, 2015, 12:13:06 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Qjz0Pio.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 27, 2015, 12:10:06 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Zk3jvFj.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sigyn on August 27, 2015, 01:56:23 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Qjz0Pio.jpg)

There is a dessert/Coffee Shop on 30th and University in San Diego that uses children's books for table markers. Of course people graffiti in the books, usually cute quips and what not.

My friend who was raised in the Soviet Union and I took the book that this picture came from and turned it into Soviet/Communist propaganda. The caption we made of this picture was Pooh turning to piglet "You will die in the tundra of Siberia, capitalist pig, before your imperialism grows out of control. Go to Gulag"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: HoneyStrums on August 27, 2015, 05:54:45 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Zk3jvFj.jpg)

OMG that is aboloutly terrifying
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 28, 2015, 01:01:16 pm
Well who's church is it then? (http://imgur.com/xSopL6T)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: HoneyStrums on August 28, 2015, 01:10:33 pm
Is the training our health care workers recieve called,

"Meducation"?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on August 28, 2015, 04:01:31 pm
At a nightclub, there's a guy on the dancing floor, pretending to be shooting arrows at several girls. One of them sees this and walks up to him.

-Hi!
-Hi.
-I saw you shot an arrow at me.
-Yup.
-And who are you? Cupid, shooting love arrows?
-Nope. I'm Legolas, and I'm slaying orcs.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 31, 2015, 12:23:24 am
Teacher: Did you know the Mayans invented the number zero?
3rd & 4th-graders: (noises of disbelief)
Teacher: It's true. Thank you, Mayans, for making math easier for us!
4th-grade boy: Yeah, Mayans, thanks for nothing!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on August 31, 2015, 06:45:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/uLrhXJy.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 01, 2015, 02:41:39 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/8c93spb.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: HoneyStrums on September 01, 2015, 02:52:26 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/8c93spb.jpg)

Why cant i get this joke? I feel like im looking for a needle in a haystack.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LizK on September 01, 2015, 04:17:11 pm
cringe...that is bad...so bad...but I had to laugh...and your comment...ha ha 
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jill F on September 01, 2015, 04:31:35 pm
What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho cheese.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: HoneyStrums on September 01, 2015, 04:37:50 pm
cringe...that is bad...so bad...but I had to laugh...and your comment...ha ha

But I literaly Dont get the joke :/
And yes, I am in so way asking somebody to exsplain it to me.
(Im falling apart at the seams trying to figur it out)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: FreyasRedemption on September 01, 2015, 04:44:38 pm
What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho cheese.
Arrgh, that there is almost as bad as the good old "whose ranium?" joke.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LizK on September 01, 2015, 04:44:58 pm
"ready to engage warp drive captain"

"make so...number one".....

have I made my point...I seam to have slipped into a weird dimension of puns
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on September 01, 2015, 05:04:54 pm
(https://evanescence3lithium.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/992890_263374790468226_1514256723_n.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: HoneyStrums on September 01, 2015, 05:14:54 pm
Thanks for clearing that up.

..I seam to have slipped into a weird dimension of puns

No, just a tear in the fabric of space time.

But I gotta say It. After undersanding it..............................................................Im in stitches
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LizK on September 01, 2015, 05:42:46 pm
that's it...I submit...I have been totally out punned!!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on September 01, 2015, 06:24:22 pm
Well see? That's pretty punny in it'self
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on September 01, 2015, 06:27:15 pm
But I literaly Dont get the joke :/
And yes, I am in so way asking somebody to exsplain it to me.
(Im falling apart at the seams trying to figur it out)
Did you watch Next Gen? If you didn't you'll never get it.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jill F on September 01, 2015, 09:33:26 pm
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all walk into a filthy pub together and each order a Guinness.  A fly lands in the foam of everyone's beer.   

The Englishman demands a fresh one, the Irishman nonchalantly blows the foam off along with the fly and chugs it.

The Scotsman picks up the fly by a wing and says, "Spit it ooot, ya wee <not allowed>!"

(Clan MacGregor here...  ;D)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on September 01, 2015, 11:00:13 pm

The Scotsman picks up the fly by a wing and says, "Spit it ooot, ya wee <not allowed>!"

(Clan MacGregor here...  ;D)

LOL  :laugh:

Burbank, Campbell and Kinney (Mother's side) here
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sarah82 on September 02, 2015, 12:29:07 am
Well see? That's pretty punny in it'self
There should be some kind of pun-ishment for that kind of joke... Maybe some time in a pun-itentiary.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on September 02, 2015, 03:03:36 am
Just deleted all of my German contacts on my cellphone.

Now I have a hans free phone.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 02, 2015, 11:28:56 am
(http://i.imgur.com/bQ7znEk.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 02, 2015, 02:36:05 pm
This is a baaaaah-d joke

(http://i.imgur.com/WpsVpVy.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on September 03, 2015, 12:46:55 am
How was the wookie steak?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 03, 2015, 05:49:37 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/bdn3gbm.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Tysilio on September 03, 2015, 06:20:28 pm
So a G, a Bb, and a D walk into a bar.... 

The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve minors."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 03, 2015, 07:19:04 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/FsvKIO2.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 04, 2015, 08:06:51 am
(http://i.imgur.com/7INJA5S.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on September 04, 2015, 10:50:03 pm
have any grapes?  ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on September 05, 2015, 06:59:43 am
The Five signs of Laziness

1.

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 05, 2015, 09:31:50 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Cb4AWTH.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 05, 2015, 11:24:16 am
(http://i.imgur.com/3GylXfu.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 05, 2015, 11:52:59 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/FeEFEXK.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 06, 2015, 10:57:21 am
(http://i.imgur.com/dE3Zddl.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 06, 2015, 11:01:17 am
Reminds me of when a guy tried to start a fight with me. I warned him--

"Don't mess me! I know karate, aikido, judo, and about seven other Japanese words!"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 09, 2015, 12:58:47 am
(http://i.imgur.com/x32QGAe.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 09, 2015, 01:02:47 am
(http://i.imgur.com/xlC0hKA.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 09, 2015, 02:20:12 am
(http://i.imgur.com/ED1uRHf.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 09, 2015, 06:55:20 am
I may have posted this before. Not sure, but it's worth a repost.
(http://i.imgur.com/U5l1dxL.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sigyn on September 09, 2015, 09:33:33 am
(http://www.quickmeme.com/img/85/850fe2bf51d95bcc63d33e6070802610b7470584b2b91820b6f1c523794c0878.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 10, 2015, 07:22:35 am
(http://i.imgur.com/NotESSG.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 10, 2015, 09:10:57 am
(http://i.imgur.com/3MZyd0Y.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 10, 2015, 10:26:13 am
(http://i.imgur.com/TC7JmCu.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on September 10, 2015, 11:42:19 am
I want to learn macramé and make Indian style clothing and I'm knot sari!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on September 11, 2015, 01:53:43 am
(http://i.imgur.com/NotESSG.jpg)

Love it! - at that age I was terrible for refusing to take naps apparently.  Everything was too exciting and I didn't want to miss any of it  :laugh:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 11, 2015, 08:52:35 am
(http://i.imgur.com/wsz3J6T.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 11, 2015, 02:51:55 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Tj2KkSB.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 11, 2015, 10:58:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/LJZSIgN.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on September 12, 2015, 12:05:50 am
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 12, 2015, 08:52:02 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Rc58JUc.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 12, 2015, 08:53:02 am
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?

And then there's Vuja De, the feeling that you've never ever done this before in your life.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on September 12, 2015, 05:10:06 pm
Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.

Chemistry is really funny; there are even people who laugh at nitrogen(I) oxide

biology is the only science where multiplication is the same thing as division.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 13, 2015, 07:38:45 am
(http://i.imgur.com/m04NRDw.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 13, 2015, 09:17:01 am
(http://i.imgur.com/w5Zdcgz.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 13, 2015, 09:19:54 am
(http://i.imgur.com/SCxd72i.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 14, 2015, 11:00:29 am
(http://i.imgur.com/c0no6KF.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on September 14, 2015, 01:07:04 pm
How many gender therapists do you need to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but they need to live in the dark for a year before they are convinced it really needs to be changed.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 14, 2015, 03:30:07 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/zkRSZH4.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on September 15, 2015, 05:27:09 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B9-7xWtCIAAyLDV.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 16, 2015, 12:21:57 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/TRGrvUq.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 16, 2015, 12:43:04 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/4N2T6eq.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on September 16, 2015, 01:20:06 pm
I first heard of that as the "Amish virus":

Greetings,
Kindly hand print a copy of this letter and post it to all of your friends and family. Then, if you will, smash your computer with a hammer.

Thank'e
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 16, 2015, 01:30:41 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/t3kVoPn.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on September 16, 2015, 01:40:50 pm
And while we're on the subject, you know what's really strange? Quarks.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 16, 2015, 07:44:40 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/hBBeEtk.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 17, 2015, 12:44:16 am
(http://i.imgur.com/e4LVbF0.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 17, 2015, 11:20:11 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/IAn4b6B.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 18, 2015, 03:51:09 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/iDRxYNa.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 19, 2015, 12:04:06 am
(http://i.imgur.com/ljGim9w.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on September 19, 2015, 10:45:56 am
Heisenberg is driving down the highway and gets pulled over for speeding. The cop asks: "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on September 19, 2015, 10:53:16 am
Shrodinger is in the car with Heisenberg. The cop, feeling something isn't right because of the bizarre answer demands Heisenberg open the trunk. Heisenberg complies and the cop looks in the trunk and says "do you know there's a dead cat in the trunk" Shrodinger replies: "Now I do."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on September 19, 2015, 10:59:22 am
Professor says, "So, as we can see, in some languages a double negative is a positive, and in other languages a double negative is still a negative, but in no language is a double positive a negative." A voice from the back of the classroom says, "Yeah, right."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on September 19, 2015, 04:17:16 pm
Your jokes really made me smile this morning Rachel  ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on September 19, 2015, 11:29:05 pm
Aye mateys!!! A pirate's bounty of ill humour to be had on such a fine day
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 21, 2015, 06:32:10 am
(http://i.imgur.com/il634Uc.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on September 22, 2015, 08:09:53 am
What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Depends on what you're cooking  ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 23, 2015, 09:08:02 am
An inside joke for the nerds among us--

(http://i.imgur.com/CppJYL8.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 23, 2015, 09:08:55 am
What came first, the chicken or the egg?

The chicken, obviously, but only if it's a boy chicken.  :embarrassed:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: JustASeq on September 23, 2015, 01:39:05 pm
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/12046817_1004146676304331_7722962593784588470_n.jpg?oh=83dd79c17e02b506f537daa3f5105294&oe=5697D25F)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 23, 2015, 02:29:22 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Hex4Btd.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on September 23, 2015, 03:31:27 pm
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/12046817_1004146676304331_7722962593784588470_n.jpg?oh=83dd79c17e02b506f537daa3f5105294&oe=5697D25F)

Gosh!  :o  :laugh:  :angel:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 23, 2015, 07:44:32 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/W9yyIKv.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 23, 2015, 07:55:19 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/GAfJZhf.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 23, 2015, 08:00:36 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/MPpCViP.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on September 24, 2015, 08:38:27 pm
Welcome to this week's meeting of our support group for people addicted to plastic surgeries. I see we have some new faces here today.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 25, 2015, 08:33:57 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/7rkPU0i.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 26, 2015, 07:54:07 am
(http://i.imgur.com/uCbXdUu.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 26, 2015, 01:17:15 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/uIk9y40.jpg)

And to follow up, this one--

I'm not prejudiced. I hate ALL politicians.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 26, 2015, 01:26:09 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/HCVPjzz.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 27, 2015, 07:47:38 am
(http://i.imgur.com/IxbnIPl.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on September 28, 2015, 08:28:48 pm
Psychologist: So tell me, how often do you contemplate suicide?

Patient: I'm not sure, how often do we see each other?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: soaringPhoenix on September 28, 2015, 11:12:34 pm
What kind of bees make milk?

Boobees.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 29, 2015, 08:25:04 am
Link jumps you right to a bad joke, but if you wait for the end you'll get another. :)

https://youtu.be/Hycln3Qt_nE?t=3m19s
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 29, 2015, 02:00:27 pm
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on September 30, 2015, 07:49:34 am
(http://i.imgur.com/6SvYjsk.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 01, 2015, 03:38:34 pm
Bad joke upcoming. Just wait for it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZoz_ssC8i8&feature=youtu.be&t=2m15s
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 01, 2015, 05:19:59 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/s4hM0Nz.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 01, 2015, 05:23:32 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/9DYSZB6.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 02, 2015, 08:26:16 am
(http://i.imgur.com/YOrd2PP.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 02, 2015, 01:16:33 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ZHDtt6m.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 02, 2015, 07:59:45 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ZD5bnsv.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 03, 2015, 10:48:47 am
(http://i.imgur.com/UftLMkv.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 04, 2015, 12:53:50 am
(http://i.imgur.com/eNfAt0q.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 04, 2015, 07:26:14 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/TQ6r9BL.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 08, 2015, 11:30:16 am
(http://i.imgur.com/aLZ0JHX.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on October 08, 2015, 12:13:20 pm
Wonderful bad joke at 00:54

https://youtu.be/zTVjo5PuNkk (https://youtu.be/zTVjo5PuNkk)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on October 08, 2015, 02:54:33 pm
(http://media.oglaf.com/comic/skein.jpg)

If you're tempted to see more of this comic, be warned that most strips are NSFW.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on October 08, 2015, 03:12:58 pm
Oh I love it, - that really made me laugh this morning  ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 09, 2015, 01:13:06 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/lW3no0Z.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 10, 2015, 01:42:50 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/brZeYUg.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 10, 2015, 06:26:55 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/BlXkSpQ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sarah82 on October 11, 2015, 06:24:06 am
I saw the Race/class/gender thread in another topic the first thing through my head:

Race: Half-Ork
Class: Bard
Gender: Male (Cursed Girdle of masculinity/femininity)

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/12/b3/5d/12b35d8777126c32ec5e1a1087fea4d7.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 13, 2015, 06:59:15 am
An inside joke for the D&D players.

(http://i.imgur.com/oPMXU85.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 13, 2015, 10:00:25 pm
My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it's also terrible.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 15, 2015, 12:15:01 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Ppg16m3.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sarah82 on October 16, 2015, 10:52:23 pm
I just thought this was so appropriate

(http://i.imgur.com/ebFieGP.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on October 17, 2015, 10:24:28 pm
A rather morbid 'Fill in the Blank' I heard today...



What would it be called if ______________ were hanged in public?




Dope on a Rope
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 18, 2015, 11:40:44 am
This video has several bad jokes in it. Happy Halloween!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln9vN9KTtKE
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LizK on October 18, 2015, 03:18:56 pm

An Englishman walks into a Bar…

There’s usually an Irishman, Scotsman and Welshman too...

but they’re all still at the Rugby World Cup!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cynobyte on October 19, 2015, 02:57:53 am
It's kinda cute but sad too:(
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cynobyte on October 19, 2015, 02:59:12 am
Also reminds me, I need to shave my legs tomorrow!

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on October 19, 2015, 03:04:34 am

An Englishman walks into a Bar…

There’s usually an Irishman, Scotsman and Welshman too...

but they’re all still at the Rugby World Cup!

Cough! Update needed :laugh:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jenny07 on October 19, 2015, 04:57:41 am
Here you go Cindy. It's a start.

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xta1/v/t1.0-9/12141782_1218641214816389_5214060712598901904_n.png?oh=7553cb1fffe567f0110ead6fac2947ca&oe=5694075E&__gda__=1455368099_7bdd35f343a45bb5b0d35aeee6e57a40)

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xat1/v/t1.0-9/12106932_1218971668116677_807430857003933846_n.jpg?oh=8659b7a52b328b74c76cd5a8f9329539&oe=5690BEA9&__gda__=1456500598_8b4cea0e45d23bbb0a3db8c4f2698299)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on October 19, 2015, 05:26:43 am
For some reason I am reminded of a friend who would describe various sports as either soft or rough sex
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 19, 2015, 04:47:44 pm
Give it a moment.

(http://i.imgur.com/RUhsOWt.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on October 19, 2015, 06:31:38 pm
Q: How many programmers does it t take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they hust change the standard to "Dark".
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: LizK on October 19, 2015, 07:32:01 pm
Cough! Update needed :laugh:

After years of denial and self torture I finally came out to my immediate family the other day and told them...I HATE RUGBY...but as  a born and bred Kiwi it was force fed from an early age. I think my "coming out" got almost as many raised eyebrows as telling them I was trans....ha ha...so sorry no update haven't been following it...enough to be able to hold a conversation with my father and him be none the wiser but other than that... meh
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 20, 2015, 01:21:29 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/tEwFp0o.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on October 20, 2015, 07:09:18 pm
(http://i61.tinypic.com/2e3670i.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Promethea on October 21, 2015, 06:21:22 am
(http://i0.wp.com/www.fowllanguagecomics.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Bathroom-Time.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 22, 2015, 12:03:36 am
(http://i.imgur.com/YEIPbxA.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 23, 2015, 09:17:38 am
(http://i.imgur.com/qiFeajP.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 24, 2015, 01:27:52 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/p7ddNyy.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 24, 2015, 08:04:38 pm
There are two rules to success in life:
1) Don't tell people everything you know.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on October 25, 2015, 12:01:32 am
That there is a Highway to Hell and a Stairway to Heaven tells us where most of us are going!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Katiepie on October 25, 2015, 01:28:16 am
A conveyor belt finds where the rest of us go.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on October 26, 2015, 03:21:23 am
The city recently pulled any funding for the philharmonic. The reason given was too much sax and violins :P
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: BlonT on October 26, 2015, 04:16:28 am
Auntie Cindy ,That bring back a joke from my youth :)

See You An Tie  >:-) 
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: rachel89 on October 26, 2015, 11:44:32 pm
Politics-- A Latin phrase derived from poly, meaning many, and tics, referring to blood sucking creatures.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 27, 2015, 02:00:05 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/VarKxOj.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 27, 2015, 10:27:15 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ajasr3U.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jenny07 on October 28, 2015, 06:47:06 am
(http://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=HQ.283549248888&pid=15.1&H=198&W=160)

Saying we are 50/50. Best odds in years.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 28, 2015, 01:53:29 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/tKtGi8Z.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 30, 2015, 12:21:18 am
(http://i.imgur.com/xKiIgh4.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 30, 2015, 10:53:18 am
(http://i.imgur.com/jGt4l4G.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 30, 2015, 11:04:30 am
(http://i.imgur.com/M066ChP.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sharon Anne McC on October 30, 2015, 11:34:09 am
*

I recently shared these recollections of out-dated language:

-  This was the headline of Christine Jorgensen's return from her surgery:

          -    'GI Goes Abroad, Returns Home A Broad'.

-  Or this one when I worked in electronics communications as a civilian at an Army base:

          - Q  -  'What is broadband?'
          - A  -  'A female orchestra'.

Sorry, don't ding me.  These aren't mine.

*
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 30, 2015, 01:25:41 pm
** ahem **
(http://i.imgur.com/BgoJRd3.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 31, 2015, 11:28:46 am
(http://i.imgur.com/I3tkuAM.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on October 31, 2015, 05:02:31 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/wXUHCOm.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cynobyte on November 01, 2015, 07:00:54 pm
This is soo me:)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 01, 2015, 08:08:32 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Zq2TeuM.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 02, 2015, 01:50:15 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/S1hvYzA.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 02, 2015, 02:54:28 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/V5TzxEe.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 03, 2015, 10:53:39 am
(https://i.imgur.com/QiwSx87.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 04, 2015, 09:13:56 am
(http://i.imgur.com/A6jxsqp.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Catherine Sarah on November 04, 2015, 09:16:31 am
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep

Give up??

A woolly jumper.


Speak to you when I've got the kids to bed
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sarah82 on November 04, 2015, 04:26:29 pm
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep

Give up??

A woolly jumper.

I prefer Jimmy Carr's punchline for that joke:
"A genetic abomination that is a travesty to both god and man!"

(http://uploads.neatorama.com/images/posts/327/80/80327/1426554605-0.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 05, 2015, 08:21:19 am
(http://i.imgur.com/33e397O.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 05, 2015, 03:31:04 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/tYvHVWr.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: BeverlyAnn on November 08, 2015, 07:37:30 pm
This has been floating around on some e-mails but just in case you were lucky enough to miss it, your luck just ran out. >:-)

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires.
The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a noose, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 09, 2015, 08:59:20 am
(http://i.imgur.com/2Qrs1p1.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 09, 2015, 12:27:45 pm
Click the image for more bad psy-ants jokes!

(http://i.imgur.com/4fPg0y7.png) (http://www.sciencedump.com/content/punniest-science-jokes-your-week)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 09, 2015, 06:32:27 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/5x93JO4.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Catherine Sarah on November 10, 2015, 11:15:10 am
As it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurka, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an Ethiopian went to a night club.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."

Speak to you as soon as I feed the fish
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 11, 2015, 11:34:23 am
Bad joke that made me laugh from the latest Epic Meal Time.

(http://i.imgur.com/fCK4eAN.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 11, 2015, 03:20:21 pm
I apologize to the youngsters. This is before your time.

(http://i.imgur.com/GcTnT7l.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 12, 2015, 07:25:04 am
(http://i.imgur.com/UDCIpmN.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 12, 2015, 07:32:23 am
(http://i.imgur.com/hQcEW0n.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 13, 2015, 08:01:54 pm
Hindsight is 20/20 (http://i.imgur.com/fp4keN2).
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 14, 2015, 11:07:38 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/NXZhlpY.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on November 15, 2015, 12:15:22 am
(http://i.imgur.com/NXZhlpY.png)

Coughing fit; I wonder who this reminds me off?  :laugh: :-*
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 16, 2015, 08:05:39 am
This is actually a good one, IMHO, but it deserves an exception to the general rule of "bad" because it just needs to be here.

(http://i.imgur.com/Xqb2opP.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 18, 2015, 09:38:01 am
(http://i.imgur.com/2H98uqL.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 18, 2015, 01:36:46 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/aaKHtAV.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 19, 2015, 01:27:18 pm
It's a little long, but try to hang in there for the payoff.

(Get it? Hang in there... like a door knocker?)

(http://i.imgur.com/Z6VnLe6.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on November 19, 2015, 02:00:08 pm
I saw this on engrish.com, there's no way I'm ever staying at this hotel, wherever it is!

[Image Removed]
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 20, 2015, 01:45:16 pm
(https://33.media.tumblr.com/fddad4c106af9e638409964b0a6f7e9c/tumblr_nxwfph577b1tjhg19o1_400.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 20, 2015, 01:52:33 pm
(https://33.media.tumblr.com/802a0bdb190c8b09ba03729cec4006ad/tumblr_nxb44622Gq1rarz4ro1_1280.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on November 21, 2015, 01:36:51 am
I saw this on engrish.com, there's no way I'm ever staying at this hotel, wherever it is!

[Image Removed]
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on November 21, 2015, 01:39:41 am
[Link Removed]
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 22, 2015, 08:55:02 am
(http://i.imgur.com/abdcKmk.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on November 22, 2015, 09:07:32 am
Brilliant, I love it  ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 22, 2015, 09:08:03 am
(http://i.imgur.com/j7GWZq6.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 23, 2015, 09:34:38 am
(http://36.media.tumblr.com/d3f1225f8c7fffb557ac6c45de135f6f/tumblr_inline_ny36iaBdIS1qi3yqd_1280.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: BeverlyAnn on November 23, 2015, 10:24:31 am
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece there is a long passage of about 20 minutes where the double basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession (as double bassists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back."

"No need to panic." said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well of course." said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied and the bassists are loaded."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 23, 2015, 11:58:41 am
(http://i.imgur.com/AE8Ua9e.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 23, 2015, 12:02:42 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/FqE3tvH.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 24, 2015, 10:52:06 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/T9IJ0wo.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 25, 2015, 10:15:38 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Ye5z0fl.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 28, 2015, 09:23:37 am
"Who are you, and how did you get in here?"

"I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 28, 2015, 08:49:05 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/lrHfRvC.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 28, 2015, 11:01:31 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/NWse9Le.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 29, 2015, 09:33:35 am
(http://i.imgur.com/BueydfX.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on November 29, 2015, 09:39:01 am
(http://i.imgur.com/d0mOn8i.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 02, 2015, 08:34:18 am
(http://i.imgur.com/17gZlvZ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on December 03, 2015, 06:28:09 pm
[Link Removed]
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 03, 2015, 08:53:46 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ZoAWf5G.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 07, 2015, 04:54:45 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/fczDkWu.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 07, 2015, 09:53:36 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/zuotxVr.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on December 09, 2015, 06:59:42 am
i met a guy tonight who said he had five penises.

 His pants fitted like a glove.



Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 10, 2015, 11:29:35 am
(http://i.imgur.com/K2AscFT.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on December 11, 2015, 12:04:12 am
What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?


A cookie sheet
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on December 11, 2015, 12:16:42 am
(http://www.christmasfiles.com/photos/68/med_suspect-cookies.jpg)

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on December 11, 2015, 12:18:45 am
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_mjQqs9zbeIw/Sxo7IObGqiI/AAAAAAAABmA/FziGXs7KwX4/s400/julsatan.gif)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on December 11, 2015, 12:21:26 am
(http://www.poddys.com/jokes/cartoons/xmas/bad_attitude_santa.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on December 11, 2015, 12:50:28 am
(http://www.poddys.com/jokes/cartoons/xmas/bad_attitude_santa.jpg)

I want this on my house!!!!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on December 11, 2015, 01:07:59 am
 :eusa_clap: :eusa_dance: :icon_dance: :icon_biggrin:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on December 15, 2015, 03:09:20 am
If athletes get athletes foot, what do elves get?

Mistle-toes
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 15, 2015, 11:30:29 pm
Do you dare click on this Star Wars spoiler (http://imgur.com/topic/Star_Wars/7xc3hat)?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 17, 2015, 09:21:27 am
(http://i.imgur.com/Jpe5M4H.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Sydney_NYC on December 17, 2015, 12:44:19 pm
A christmas goat playing electric guitar!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdvdFXGazPY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdvdFXGazPY)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 17, 2015, 04:15:47 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/F4kmIuQ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 18, 2015, 03:49:14 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/LCWNsTT.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on December 18, 2015, 06:44:36 pm
What do you get from a cow in the North Pole?


Ice cream
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 25, 2015, 10:38:07 am
(http://i.imgur.com/sWNfIop.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on December 27, 2015, 10:18:51 am
(http://i.imgur.com/ZhCkK1u.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cynobyte on December 28, 2015, 06:20:05 am
Is it OK:)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on December 28, 2015, 08:28:59 pm
Hope ya like:)

Is it OK:)

I don't get the punchline.

 :P
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 01, 2016, 05:23:33 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ajQhEEB.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 03, 2016, 08:35:16 am
(http://i.imgur.com/w4QlruQ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 07, 2016, 09:59:55 am
(http://i.imgur.com/fIx6DPz.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: stephaniec on January 07, 2016, 03:31:23 pm
I don't get the punchline.

 :P
it's just the butt of a joke
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Beth Andrea on January 07, 2016, 05:57:36 pm
it's just the butt of a joke

I'm glad it is THE butt, and not just "a" butt... ;D







Sorry, that was <poor>....  :o
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 12, 2016, 08:16:30 am
I stepped on a corn flake and now I'm a cereal-killer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwpEXjZg_Ek
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on January 12, 2016, 06:58:19 pm
Look out Capt' Crunch!!! There's a cereal killer on the loose!!!

(http://www.foodiggity.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/captain_crunch.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 15, 2016, 08:34:41 am
(http://i.imgur.com/UplMO3o.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 18, 2016, 04:25:59 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/qTjXKFo.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 20, 2016, 02:23:18 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Jbxmpmi.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Devlyn on January 20, 2016, 02:39:49 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Jbxmpmi.jpg)

That's just abrasive!  :laugh:

Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Devlyn on January 20, 2016, 02:40:59 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/qTjXKFo.jpg)

This is a good joke, not a bad one!  ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Smith on January 24, 2016, 08:25:19 pm
To cure stress try this:

Close your eyes.
Imagine you are in a forest glade next to a beautiful babbling brook. Think of the peace and tranquility of the scene then imagine opening you eyes to see the face of the person who caused you stress as you hold them below the surface of the brook.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 25, 2016, 01:23:31 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/1TIpjil.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 26, 2016, 02:09:37 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/xH3z5z4.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on January 27, 2016, 01:19:00 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/6wwjHSc.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 09, 2016, 10:54:39 am
(http://i.imgur.com/RSZYKbL.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on February 09, 2016, 03:49:31 pm
A photon walks into a hotel. The receptionist says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?" The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 09, 2016, 07:53:03 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/gUUDBCh.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 09, 2016, 08:51:14 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/BxEdQ5N.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 09, 2016, 10:22:06 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/fKtf1U0.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 05:09:29 pm
This is an inside joke for my fellow D&D-players.
(http://i.imgur.com/EpQnAVZ.jpg)

If you like the D&Ds, there are a lot more of them here.
https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/pungoblin
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 06:52:38 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/PJrnXxL.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 06:54:23 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/DaiA5nh.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 06:57:36 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/eRHQ7HR.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 06:59:08 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/rH9FCYs.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 07:05:05 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/u5khEAO.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 07:57:46 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/wY7BBkc.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 07:59:31 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/BlGLbO4.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 08:01:31 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/383Wnfn.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 08:09:22 pm
What does coral get stressed about?

Current events.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 08:11:05 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/oPhfhf4.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 08:15:49 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/6MLtobZ.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 12, 2016, 08:20:24 pm
I've been stealing these from this article.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexnaidus/ingenious-jokes-you-should-totally-steal-and-use-yourself?bffbmain&utm_term=.kpwOjY58v8#.jamnO48kVk
(http://i.imgur.com/7Fy6GBn.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 15, 2016, 07:24:30 am
(http://i.imgur.com/VydrWQU.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 15, 2016, 08:11:17 am
(http://i.imgur.com/GcYX7Qa.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 15, 2016, 08:49:25 am
(http://i.imgur.com/i7zpijK.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 15, 2016, 11:36:40 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/EPvye3S.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 16, 2016, 09:59:42 am
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwThtv5YaB4
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 16, 2016, 11:04:09 am
(http://i.imgur.com/PMBORDf.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Dee Marshall on February 16, 2016, 08:34:04 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/EPvye3S.jpg)
I want that bra! And that hairstyle! And that robe!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 17, 2016, 02:58:01 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/k4whY2O.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 24, 2016, 12:46:12 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/FLeyeFL.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 25, 2016, 07:49:35 am
(http://i.imgur.com/U4GAfCH.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jenny07 on February 26, 2016, 04:45:35 am
As a neutral :icon_yikes:

(http://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M0107c56728b30fc656165bd50b2686fdH0&pid=15.1&H=113&W=160)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 26, 2016, 09:34:54 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/dSXibyd.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 26, 2016, 09:36:48 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/hfe8M6e.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 26, 2016, 09:46:42 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/WPyd1iQ.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on February 29, 2016, 04:15:42 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/zZWSHnf.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: TechGirl on March 01, 2016, 06:37:38 pm
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160302/c3d08c972c7a4e40ff171c3434830ca7.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: TechGirl on March 01, 2016, 06:57:24 pm
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160302/a30d6cab055de80203e04fad14cf08f6.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 05, 2016, 11:08:43 am
(http://i.imgur.com/fXgHQcw.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 06, 2016, 08:11:30 am
(http://i.imgur.com/NraIcTs.png)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 07, 2016, 06:44:47 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/JgFCMic.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 13, 2016, 07:44:35 am
(http://i.imgur.com/N2olnQ0.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 14, 2016, 06:56:26 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/CiXAK6b.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 15, 2016, 07:46:07 am
(http://i.imgur.com/55HYBA9.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 15, 2016, 08:55:39 am
(http://i.imgur.com/AzrLyQK.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 15, 2016, 10:40:58 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/OZwU7oc.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 16, 2016, 01:01:29 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ROkMdBH.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Ka_123 on March 16, 2016, 06:19:30 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ROkMdBH.jpg)

 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

loving all donald trump related memes at the minute, lets hope he remains that, a joke!!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 17, 2016, 07:04:06 am
(http://i.imgur.com/FUsaCbr.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: TechGirl on March 19, 2016, 09:57:05 am
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160319/137d6f144ba643ac0c0e4e3c2c705ef2.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: TechGirl on March 19, 2016, 09:57:23 am
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160319/46b00047be0f32ee57637c8b2081cdd3.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: TechGirl on March 19, 2016, 10:06:53 am
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160319/ddae23d2197ce777a87fa5dea7bf2fe3.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 21, 2016, 07:20:32 am
(http://i.imgur.com/ojdauRD.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 21, 2016, 03:29:23 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/8Yhr280.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 21, 2016, 03:39:45 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/81nIXJU.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 22, 2016, 11:44:58 am
(http://i.imgur.com/IP8a0Zp.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: dalebert on March 22, 2016, 08:12:11 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ZtDS9ev.jpg)
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on April 01, 2016, 11:24:03 pm
Why was Swiss cheese invented?

The Vatican requested that a 'Holy' cheese be made
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on June 06, 2016, 04:20:35 pm
How do you confuse a feminist?

Tell them that you refuse to allow them to make a sandwich for you
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lily Rose on November 25, 2016, 12:26:31 am
(http://i.imgur.com/qTjXKFo.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/FUsaCbr.jpg)

 :laugh:

  when is "the most interesting man in the world" coming back from mars? they say he retired but i thought i saw to be continued or something to that effect.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on December 03, 2016, 07:01:45 pm
Why did the scientist encourage Kermit to date Miss Piggy?





He had a craving for bacon wrapped frog legs
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Raell on December 03, 2016, 07:18:02 pm
A. What do you get when you cross a horse with a Black Widow Spider?

B. I don't know.

A. I don't know either, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the doctor! ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lily Rose on December 04, 2016, 03:35:52 am
He had a craving for bacon wrapped frog legs

  :eusa_drool:
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on July 25, 2017, 07:15:50 am
<I see with such sorrow that this thread has been inactive for so long.>

Why do Swedish ships have bar codes on them?

So they can Scandinavian.

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Sarah on July 25, 2017, 05:54:08 pm
I was thinking about bleaching my @$$hole. Should I pour it over his head, or make him drink it?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on March 29, 2018, 10:33:09 pm
This guy purchases an apt. in an upscale New York high rise and gets a labrador retriever to keep him company

He takes the dog for walks in the park fairly regularly but notices that the dog rarely if ever does it's business

Concerned he looks all over the apt. but finds nothing and so he takes the dog to the vet and the vet says the dog is in perfect health

One morning he wakes up earlier than usual but can't find the dog anywhere, until he goes out on the terrace where he finds the dog up on the ledge

Hanging it's rear over
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Cindy on March 30, 2018, 04:13:21 am
 A weasel walks into a bar and strikes up a conversation with the people at the bar.  The barman says,
Hi, I haven't seen a weasel in here before and I have never heard of a talking weasel, what would you like to drink?'

'Pop,' goes the weasel.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Megan. on March 30, 2018, 08:37:01 am
A weasel walks into a bar and strikes up a conversation with the people at the bar.  The barman says,
Hi, I haven't seen a weasel in here before and I have never heard of a talking weasel, what would you like to drink?'

'Pop,' goes the weasel.
Made me laugh on a 'down' day,  tnx Cindy. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: steph2.0 on March 30, 2018, 01:00:54 pm
Welp, I didn't like my beard at first. But then it grew on me.


I was wondering why the football was getting bigger, ands then it hit me!


What happens when chemists die? They barium.


I'm currently reading a book on anti gravity. I can't put it down.

I stayed up all night wondering when the sun would rise. Then it dawned on me.


 - Stephanie
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: big kim on April 04, 2018, 01:22:01 am
There's a man knocking at the door with a beard
No wonder I never heard him
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on April 06, 2018, 10:25:32 pm
What's the last thing to go through an insect's mind as it hits the windshield?





It's butthole
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Jessica on April 06, 2018, 11:23:49 pm
This guy went to the doctor and said to him “Doctor….I don’t know
what’s wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word
HONDA”.
“That’s interesting, never heard of anything like that before. Do you
think you could fart for me?” says the doctor. The guy says “Sure.”
And sure enough, the doctor hears “HONDA”.
After several attempts to figure out what’s wrong with this guy, the
doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach
specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys farts say
“HONDA.” It is a completely out of this world medical condition.
Finally, as a last resort, the doctors think they should send the man
to a dentist.
After explaining the problem to the dentist, the dentist opened up
the guys mouth and examining it.
The dentist says “A-haa!!!!….I have solved the problem.”
The patient says “What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc”…..The
dentist replies “Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth.”
The guy says “Yeah….so….What has that got to do with my farts?”

The dentist replies, “Cant you see??….. Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA”
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Sarah on April 28, 2018, 06:02:00 pm
Phillip and I visited my brother and his family today. After eating, Phillip pointed towards my belly and said "look! Your sister is pregnant". I looked down, place both hands on my belly, and proclaimed "It's alive!".
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: TicTac on May 16, 2018, 05:16:51 pm
(https://abload.de/img/funny-electrician-jokuer8x.jpg) (http://abload.de/image.php?img=funny-electrician-jokuer8x.jpg)

 :icon_lol:

(https://abload.de/img/f3c10b8f8c8a35776b986piqv4.jpg) (http://abload.de/image.php?img=f3c10b8f8c8a35776b986piqv4.jpg)

Wait, this is a thread for bad jokes?  :( Well, these can be considered bad too some people....right?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: AlexandraHamilton on May 16, 2018, 06:05:28 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/THpVrxx.jpg)

I love and loathe it. Jeez. That is such a pun y joke
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: AlexandraHamilton on May 16, 2018, 06:09:54 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/FLeyeFL.jpg)

That is actually a really fascinating interpretation of Shelley. She actually composed both characters to be very similar in traits and hubris, as well as egocentricism. That's not a joke, that is fairly cool commentary.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: MaryT on May 21, 2018, 12:57:49 pm
A woman went to a gypsy fortune teller.

"Something or someone keeps knocking over my milk bottles and spilling the milk" said the woman. 
"I have my suspicions but I don't want to make any accusations until I am sure.  Can you help me?"

"I doubt it", replied the gypsy.  "I'll do my best, though."

For a long time, the gypsy peered into her crystal ball but the mist never cleared.

"I'm sorry", said the gypsy, "it's just as I thought.  There's no use scrying over spilt milk." 
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: BeverlyAnn on May 28, 2018, 12:15:36 pm
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!'

He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.'

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!'

The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.'

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies,'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!'
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Sarah on May 31, 2018, 01:09:07 pm
A 15 year old boy was spotted riding his Hippety-Hop to school one morning, by one of his teachers . The teacher asked him "may I ask why you didn't take the bus this morning?", and he started to explain:

"Well, I turn 16 next month, and my dad told me he won't let me get a driver's license if I don't get on the ball".
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: SallyChoasAura on July 22, 2018, 08:19:17 pm
Hey guys wanna hear a bad joke?





                 ME!

*gross sobbing*
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: big kim on July 23, 2018, 05:52:12 pm
What did the Scotsman sy when he won the lottery?
"I'm going to save,save, save!"
I'm 1/2 Scot & I've met more English skinflints than Scots!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Sarah on July 23, 2018, 09:16:05 pm
Hear about the water moccasin that stayed out of the water for a bit too long?

He got a case of cottonmouth.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: MaryT on July 24, 2018, 02:49:40 am
What did the Scotsman sy when he won the lottery?
"I'm going to save,save, save!"
I'm 1/2 Scot & I've met more English skinflints than Scots!

In TV's Bargain Hunt, the auctions in Glasgow are invariably more profitable than English ones, so Scots obviously aren't afraid to spend nowadays.

I am reminded, though, of an old Glaswegian joke that was explained to me by a receptionist where I once worked.  Her first home and school had been in the Gorbals.

I asked the time and she replied "I left my watch on the television". 
"Pardon?" I responded.

She explained that at her first school, when a new teacher asked a child why he/she was late, the child would reply that he/she did not know the time. 
The teacher would then ask "Where's your watch?"
and the child would reply "I left it on the television".

The idea of a child in the Gorbals being able to afford a watch was almost as absurd as the idea that his or her parents could afford a television.

Obviously, things have changed for the better.


 
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 24, 2018, 02:56:35 am
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with lassie?

A dog that rips your face off then runs for help!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: SallyChoasAura on July 25, 2018, 12:43:55 am
https://imgflip.com/i/n5j80






OH NOS IT'S ME
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: SallyChoasAura on August 03, 2018, 12:00:58 pm
Me&bff: *Having some random conversation about gay ships and OTPs*
Jerk behind us: Ugh. Gross. Don't you two have any standards?
Me&bff: ...
Bff: No. Screw you.
Me: What's that?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: big kim on August 03, 2018, 03:46:34 pm
My dog's got no nose
How does it smell
Awful!
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: MaryT on August 09, 2018, 03:48:56 pm
Suzy         : Dear Agony Aunt,
                  Last night, I stayed out with my boyfriend until after midnight.
                  Did I do wrong?

Agony Aunt: Dear Suzy,
                  Try to remember.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on October 08, 2018, 04:31:26 am
Why did they call the cheese Gouda? Because it's a gooda cheeese  ;D
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: RabbitSpectre on October 08, 2018, 04:47:37 am
Why did they call the cheese Gouda? Because it's a gooda cheeese  ;D

XD XD XD

I think all the corn in Iowa heard that joke!

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on October 08, 2018, 05:01:07 am
What do get when you cross a duck with a moose? - A silly goose that likes to horse around
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: BeverlyAnn on October 10, 2018, 07:53:11 pm
Q: What’s Edward Bulwer-Lytton’s favorite pastime?

A: Watching Stormy Daniels videos in the evening, with the lights turned off.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: BeverlyAnn on October 10, 2018, 08:00:39 pm
Q.  What do you call an Irish virgin ?

A.  Feckless
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: DawnOday on October 10, 2018, 10:48:23 pm
Someday"s you feel like a nut. Someday you get an orchi.

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk

Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on November 16, 2018, 01:58:35 pm
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
 - 2 Canadians telling a joke
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Renee.D on November 16, 2018, 03:52:28 pm
Q: What is the only thing you find in clean noses?
A: Finger prints
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: SallyChoasAura on November 17, 2018, 12:17:36 am
Me: *walks out of the Ducktale Reboot fandom* Aaah... I finally managed to free myself from a fandom.
Disney: *Makes one of the episodes of the newest season have The Three Caballeros*
Me: *screeching as I jump headfirst into the fandom hole*
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on November 20, 2018, 06:56:44 pm
So like, I saw the chicken crossing the road the other day and so I asked it...

"Hey chicken, why you cross the road for?"

The chicken cocks it's head back and looks up...

"I got my reasons"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: V M on November 20, 2018, 10:44:03 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOOW-E_yDMc
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Battle Goddess on November 21, 2018, 12:59:56 am
If you saw my introductory post, you'll know that we lost my father a little while ago.

One of the things he left me was his banjo. It's a nice, playable instrument, but it's too beat up to have much resale value. I don't have the time or interest to learn to play it. None of my musician friends want it. I've even tried giving it to the local schools' music programs, but they've turned me down.

Go figure. It's this really cool thing - I'm not just gonna put it out with the trash - but I can't even give it away.

About a week ago I came up with an easy way to find someone who wanted it and to get them take it off my hands. I live near a large city. I thought I'd put the banjo in the back seat, drive downtown, park somewhere with the windows rolled down, and go have a nice, long lunch. By the time I came back to the car, my problem should be solved.

Things didn't work out quite like I'd planned.

By the time I got back from lunch, two other guys had stuck their banjos in there with mine.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Battle Goddess on November 21, 2018, 01:02:43 am
Q: What’s Edward Bulwer-Lytton’s favorite pastime?

A: Watching Stormy Daniels videos in the evening, with the lights turned off.

I think I love you.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: BeverlyAnn on November 22, 2018, 05:51:43 pm
I finally shot my first turkey yesterday.


Scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen food section.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: ChrissyRyan on November 22, 2018, 05:55:18 pm
Q.  What genre of music was often played during social gatherings of the early Pilgrim colony years?

A.   Plymouth Rock.
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: SallyChoasAura on November 25, 2018, 01:32:02 am
the grinch was just a sad lonely guy who liked animals more than people why do we hate him still?
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Renee.D on November 27, 2018, 12:30:17 pm
What is a schizophrenic's favorite Christmas song?

Do You Hear What I Hear
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: MaryT on February 15, 2019, 04:24:29 pm
These jokes were popular in my high school during the early 1970s. 

A terrorist was ordered to blow up a bus.  He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

A three eyed, one-legged alien with no arms was waiting at the bus stop.  The bus driver gave him the once over and said
"Aye aye aye, you look 'armless, hop on!"

This joke I first heard from an acting headmaster who regarded himself as a cool dude:
 
The sky god Thor got drunk and spent the night with a mortal human tart.  When he awoke and saw who was next to him, he was ashamed for demeaning himself and was prepared to stand on his dignity.  The tart awoke too.
"Good morning, Hunky Wunky", she said.
"Hunky Wunky?" thundered the sky god.  "I am mighty Thor!"
"Tho am I" she replied, "but letth do it again."

 
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: MaryT on May 28, 2019, 03:42:40 pm
This is another joke from the "cool" acting headmaster mentioned in the previous post.  I was reminded of it by a post that I read a little while ago, so I hope that it doesn't offend anyone.

Masochist: "Beat me!  Beat me!"
Sadist:      "Oh, no!"
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Lady Sarah on June 11, 2019, 11:10:16 pm
I sent my hubby to get milk, eggs, and a few other things from the store. When he got home, I asked "where are the groceries?"

His response: "On the door, they had a sign. It said NO FOOD OR DRINK INSIDE, so I just came home."
Title: Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
Post by: Battle Goddess on June 14, 2019, 02:42:41 pm
My insurance company thinks that teeth are special luxury bones

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