Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transitioning => Real-Life Experience => Topic started by: LizK on March 08, 2017, 05:23:47 am

Title: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 08, 2017, 05:23:47 am
Today, two significant things happened.

I had my first haircut as a woman and after 12+ months preparation I began my life fulltime as Liz.

For the last 2-3 days I could not understand why I was so angry with myself along with anyone else who happened to be around…I tried to blame my wife and quite rightly failed…this just made me more angry with myself until it dawned on me why I was so ratty. In the end it was really simple…this is my life and my transition, my wife in not standing in the way but alongside me. :eusa_doh: I cannot expect her to do “X” with Liz, if Liz won’t do “X” on her own for a start!! I don’t have to wait any longer….there are no more obstacles perceived or real that cannot be overcome.

Once I began to think about this it really became so obvious to me what I needed to do. All this talk, thinking, planning and talking and planning, thinking and planning and talking…..STOP!

Today after I had my hair styled (as can be seen in my current Avatar)I had to sit in the car for awhile before I could leave after my hairdresser appointment as it took me a few minutes to compose myself. The simple act of having my hair styled had bought “her” to the forefront so vividly for me that it was almost an overwhelming moment. Once composed I went to the supermarket to get groceries. Normally I would have gone home and changed to a more androgynous look…not today and not anymore I am done 

Within the next few weeks as I get my ID sorted I will be able to put a full stop at the end of the first part of my Transition. The preparation part, the real work starts now with the transition and working towards SRS.

It all feels a little surreal to actually be where I am today,  but it is nice, after all the years of thinking about this moment and when it arrives it is weird how normal it felt…the anxiety and anger from the last few days left me the moment I sat in my car this morning and checked my lipstick in the mirror.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 08, 2017, 12:15:58 pm
Congratulations!! Liz,

  Great story and wonderful step you have taken. Thank you for sharing it with us. I must add your hair style and new avatar look good for you.
 
    With each step shared here, hope is given to someone yet to take it.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 09, 2017, 03:00:00 am
Thankyou Jeanette...

It felt good to place a marker in the sand and actually follow through with it. Told both my Daughters today and they were stoked for me. So its been a nice relaxed start to my RLE, I have my first voice therapy session on Saturday so that could be a bit of fun. My Psychologist seemed to think there was nothing wrong with my voice...but I think I will take the advice of an expert.   :) 

Thankyou for your kind words about my new Pic, I am still a work in progress. It was great to hear my new hairdresser exclaiming about how much new growth I have that is yet to impact my hair because it is so small at the  moment. I can even have a fringe next time, if I want, once the new hairs have done their thing, according to her. So very,very happy.

Liz                                                                                                                             
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Violets on March 09, 2017, 03:10:19 am
Congrats, Liz! You must feel a huge sense of relief and excitement knowing that from this day forward, you don't have to pretend to be something you're not.

Love your new avatar!

Sonja
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on March 09, 2017, 03:21:43 am
My dear Liz,

I recall a coffee shop and meeting a very sad excuse for a person. I met the growing up person several times - I'm now meeting Liz.

Lovely

Cindy
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Megan. on March 09, 2017, 03:31:07 am
Yay! You're looking great Liz.  Super happy for you. Now go forth,  live and love your life.  X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 10, 2017, 07:07:45 pm
Congrats, Liz! You must feel a huge sense of relief and excitement knowing that from this day forward, you don't have to pretend to be something you're not.

Love your new avatar!

Sonja

It has been so peaceful...I must have come a long way, the meltdown I was having today was about my liquid eyeliner running out with only one half of one eye done and I had an appointment 40 minutes later....so that was new LOL

You are right I get to be me...which is very cool

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 10, 2017, 07:14:55 pm
My dear Liz,

I recall a coffee shop and meeting a very sad excuse for a person. I met the growing up person several times - I'm now meeting Liz.

Lovely

Cindy

Cindy,

I remember it well, your kind words that day made a huge difference, on leaving that coffee shop that afternoon I knew I could do it. For me that was a very significant day...thank you.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 10, 2017, 07:17:37 pm
Yay! You're looking great Liz.  Super happy for you. Now go forth,  live and love your life.  X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

You betcha!! I really do get to be me... :)

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Devlyn on March 10, 2017, 07:29:35 pm
Thinking and planning has nothing on doing!  :) 
You look great, hon, and happy.

Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on March 10, 2017, 07:32:53 pm
You betcha!! I really do get to be me... :)

Liz
And that is totally awesome!  What a wonderful goal to achieve! 

Hugs, Michelle


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 10, 2017, 07:43:23 pm
So off to speech Therapy this morning for the first time...I was really nervous and had all the stuff in my head about wanting to be authentic and having a fear I could end up sounding ridiculous...all totally false of course...

Biggest drama... Liquid eyeliner ran out halfway through the first eye which I them managed to  smear all over my eyelid...life has changed hasn't it.

Eyeliner 1 Liz 0

The woman I saw came recommended as trans knowledgeable and friendly. She was brilliant, put me totally at ease took me through the basics. We talked about my expectations and what I did and didn't want. Then we did some testing.

The scale she used went something like men speak in a pitch(?) of between 70 and 130 and women are about 160 to 240. When she tested me my average reading pitch was 143. This could be why a number of people have said to me that my voice sounds fine. What she did tell me is that my voice gets a bit rough and therefore sounds like its deep. She went on to say that to move my pitch from 143 to over 160 should not be terribly hard.

For trans women she believes nuance/inflection,(my words) is the bigger part of having feminine speech, as pitch on its own is not enough. So we will do 5-6 sessions then she will leave me to see how I go for a few months then get me back for a review. She has given me 3 exercises to do until our next session in a couple of weeks...

She has given me a great deal of hope that I can successfully change my voice and still sound like me

Saturday again so prepping now for Electrolysis on Tuesday...this is the bit I hate the most...growing out what is left of my beard so she can work on it....

LIz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: rosinstraya on March 11, 2017, 02:05:09 am
Congratulations on these big steps forward!  :)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 11, 2017, 10:39:12 pm
Thanks rosinstraya, you're right, they are significant steps and it is easy for me  to forget where I started.

Since Christmas and reconciliation with my parents I have been talking to them regularly via skype and it has been going really well. Since I started fulltime last week I have not had a chance to let them know..so we had a Skype call today...I was very calm and not feeling anxious at all and as soon as I started to tell them I had started fulltime I burst into tears...it was really unexpected. I was quite emotional for quite some time. I eventually calmed down and was able to speak to them. It went well but the enormity of what I have achieved hit me I think...

Day 2 growing beard for Electrolysis...it bearable...day 3 and 4 suck bigtime

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 11, 2017, 11:42:52 pm
Unbearable relief.  Congrats Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 14, 2017, 01:12:25 am
Fairly Uneventful weekend. I finally managed to get it together enough to have a really nice call for about an hour with someone I am getting to know...always nice. Spent some time on Sunday...about an hour trying to put on a new  liquid eyeliner my wife bought me....unsuccessfully I might add...terrible nib on it...that is my story and I am sticking to it  :D

Eyeliner: 2 Liz:0

Attended my Dr for injections to my face for Electrolysis. Right along the jaw line and down to the Adams apple slightly left of centre then right over to the edge of the right side of my jaw down about as low as the Adams apple...numbed this entire area and off I went to the Electrologist she cleared that entire are in about 50 minutes...not mucking around with the laser too much. It has been nearly three weeks since the laser treatment so anything shedding will have done so and all black hairs left are fair game...I had an area about the size of a shot glass...thick black hairs that the razor misses and will not shave properly so it always sticks out...gone baby gone...and another sparser patch on the other side... gone baby gone....

The aesthetic worked reasonably well but I think she tried to do too big of an area so it was a little patch...one more to session before I get to have a one month break before diving in to get this first full clearance completed...black hairs and all...

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Barb99 on March 14, 2017, 11:17:03 am
Hi Liz, how long does the area stay numb after the injections? Is it your GP or dermatologist that gives the injections?
I may pursue this but my doctors are 20 - 45 minutes away from my electrologist.

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: BeverlyAnn on March 14, 2017, 11:58:37 am
Aha.  I was going to ask if you were OK and how it was going with your parents since I haven't heard from you in a while. But you've answered both questions.  Congratulations hon!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 15, 2017, 03:15:18 am
Hi Liz, how long does the area stay numb after the injections? Is it your GP or dermatologist that gives the injections?
I may pursue this but my doctors are 20 - 45 minutes away from my electrologist.

Charley

I can usually start to feel some small pains after about an hour but by that stage she has usually cleared the area I have numbed. After about 1 hr 45 they are really starting to wear off and by 2 1/2 hour mark they are almost non  existent....from about the 1:45 to the 2:00 hr mark is when it starts to begin to fade and when this happens it happens fairly quickly.

My injections are usually given by about 12:30-12:45, its then 15 minutes to get parked and into the Electrologist...each time I think I have provided her with a big enough are she clears it...she can work way faster.

The injections themselves could be a bit tricky depending on where you live. I had great difficulty finding a Dr willing to do it...by Dr who does my Endo stuff does it for me because she is Trans herself and understands the pain and the need. She doesn't have huge amount of experience (except in injecting her own face)with facial injections but together we are learning as to what works best.

Hope that helps

Liz 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 15, 2017, 03:20:14 am
Aha.  I was going to ask if you were OK and how it was going with your parents since I haven't heard from you in a while. But you've answered both questions.  Congratulations hon!

OMG, I was thinking, I hope Bev is Ok she hasn't replied to my last e-mail......ehhhh...email still sitting in the drafts folder...will update and send it to you...I promise :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch:

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 15, 2017, 05:24:50 am
So today I had big plans...shopping and food shopping...neither of which was critical but I kind of thought it was a nice day some shopping might be fun...After slowly getting into the day I finally went and stood in front of the mirror to start getting ready for the day.

I soon discovered that staying home was going to be the more likely option...The area I had "face blasted" yesterday was really swollen and hanging down like a goitre (almost)pockmarked by deep black bruises from the injections (sorry to those eating)...I had forgotten about the side effects. Oh well, plenty to do in the way of domestic chores...when my face is like that I am better of out of the sun and makeup.

Tomorrow my wife and I will be going shopping and then another gardening bee on Saturday...I am not that keen on gardening but with the amount I do you would think it is a secondary love.

Psychology appointment Friday, First since going fulltime, each day my confidence grows just a little bit. :)

Saturday afternoon I am doing a little piece for an ITDOV video that will be released on the Internet for ITDOV. So that will entail me speaking briefly for a few seconds, I will be pushing the line of correct pronouns and that we have always been men or women just with the wrong equipment and nothing else. I wanted people to treatment as female if I appear that way and not the way the think they should address me based on whatever bias or phobia they have.  So that should be fun

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Barb99 on March 15, 2017, 08:25:13 am
I can usually start to feel some small pains after about an hour but by that stage she has usually cleared the area I have numbed. After about 1 hr 45 they are really starting to wear off and by 2 1/2 hour mark they are almost non  existent....from about the 1:45 to the 2:00 hr mark is when it starts to begin to fade and when this happens it happens fairly quickly.

My injections are usually given by about 12:30-12:45, its then 15 minutes to get parked and into the Electrologist...each time I think I have provided her with a big enough are she clears it...she can work way faster.

The injections themselves could be a bit tricky depending on where you live. I had great difficulty finding a Dr willing to do it...by Dr who does my Endo stuff does it for me because she is Trans herself and understands the pain and the need. She doesn't have huge amount of experience (except in injecting her own face)with facial injections but together we are learning as to what works best.

Hope that helps

Liz

Thanks Liz for the info. I'll probably have to stick with what I have. There is a dentist across the hall from my Electrologist. A few months ago I talked him into giving me injections, but he will only do it like he was going to do dental work so it only numbs the area around my mouth. It works great for the upper lip which is the most painful to me.
Next week is my 4th and hopefully final clearing of the upper lip. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I should be done with Electrolysis by the end of summer.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 15, 2017, 09:09:08 am
I had 4 hours on my top lip with dental block injections and they hurt way more than the ones I had in the face from my Dr... I have maybe one more session for final clearance on my top lip...Glad to hear you are nearly done...what a relief
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Barb99 on March 15, 2017, 12:23:51 pm
She clears the entire upper lip in about an hour and a quarter. With the dental injections I don't feel a thing for that whole time! Even so I really hope this is my last clearing!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 16, 2017, 03:29:37 am
Today looking in the mirror my neck resembles something akin to a strangulation victim...I have scabs and white topped follicles, delicate hues of blue and yellow around dark black patches of bruising. No point in even truing to hide that so just some BB cream and Eyeliner and off IO went with my wife shopping for the first time with me as Liz. We have shopped together heaps fort Liz but never with Liz.

She seemed a little irritable  during the shopping trip. I remained as relaxed as I could and everyone I interacted with was pleasant enough to me. No body "mam'ed" me...but I guess that might come with time...maybe I need to be wearing a dress to get a female pronoun... who knows...didn't matter as really enjoyed the outing with my wife.

We talked when we got home and she asked if I was OK and I told her fine and then she apologised for being ratty...we kind of talked about the trip but there was nothing really to say it was way less eventful that she or I expected. She noticed a kid staring at one point and a few women check me out but other than that nothing. I think she was pleasantly surprised and not expecting such a low key reaction.

Todays shopping trip probably feels to her the same way as the first time I went out dressed in public felt to me....and she handled it brilliantly. I do love that woman

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on March 16, 2017, 08:10:14 pm
I thought about that, Liz. When I was playing guy (which I did very well, by the way) it occurred to me that very few people ever Sir-ed me. So why the heck would they Ma'am me now?
      I'm blessed just like you, by the way. Got a wonderful wife of 33 years that's stuck with me through it all. It's good to be blessed, regardless of where the blessing comes from! Be well, Hon!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 18, 2017, 04:04:09 am
Today was quite a tough day emotionally but I have managed toi get through basically unscathed.

I went and did some filming for the ITDOV (International Transgender Day of Visibility) short video for the day which will be circulated on Facebook and a couple of Internet News Outlets. I had a small speaking part along with a group shoot...which was a bit of fun but the stuff we were talking about was very emotionally draining... but all great if it can help someone.

I had an emotional meltdown just prior to leaving that didn't last too long and was triggered by my wife...bless her...she didn't mean too if was just one of those horrible communication things...once I had everything was back in perspective I was fine...that E is a real rollercoaster sometimes and learning to get it under some kind of control is hard...as many of you know  :)

I also came out on Facebook to the last few acquaintances I hadn't managed to tell. I also made it clear to all my friends and family that the time  to use correct pronouns and name has arrived. I gave very little background details but instead talked about the wonderful support I have received. I have not had a look at the responses yet but I am told they are all positive...which is great. Time will tell....

Liz 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 18, 2017, 10:00:30 am
Today was quite a tough day emotionally but I have managed toi get through basically unscathed.

I went and did some filming for the ITDOV

I had an emotional meltdown .... that E is a real rollercoaster sometimes and learning to get it under some kind of control is hard...as many of you know  :)

I also came out on Facebook to the last few acquaintances I hadn't managed to tell. I also made it clear to all my friends and family that the time  to use correct pronouns and name has arrived.

Liz

  Hi Liz,
   Filming huh? That sounds both exciting and terrifying. I'm sure the film makers will help struggling people out there.

   Meltdowns? What are meltdowns? Yes, I have to agree the E ticket ride can be very bumpy. Fortunately the rides up are so much better than the falls down.

  I am so glad for you and your coming out. I'm sure it wasn't all good, but a lot of it was and now it's done.  Bravo.
Wish that I was at that point also to share your relief. I suppose I really shoud get started soon. **sigh**

  Keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other. You will reach that goal.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 18, 2017, 02:27:13 pm
  Hi Liz,
   Filming huh? That sounds both exciting and terrifying. I'm sure the film makers will help struggling people out there.

   Meltdowns? What are meltdowns? Yes, I have to agree the E ticket ride can be very bumpy. Fortunately the rides up are so much better than the falls down.

  I am so glad for you and your coming out. I'm sure it wasn't all good, but a lot of it was and now it's done.  Bravo.
Wish that I was at that point also to share your relief. I suppose I really shoud get started soon. **sigh**

  Keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other. You will reach that goal.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Fear is what stops us, fear of what may be, fear of rejection...Imagine if you were out to only your Sister? How much different would your life be? It is one of those situations where I started coming out back in September 2015 and have just finished now and I bet I still haven't told everyone. It was about who do I tell that is relevant and make a difference in my life. If you do want to transition then at some point you will want to tell people, if you don't want to transition and are happy crossdressing then coming out will also make your life that much easier...especially in your case with your sister. How much simpler would your life be

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on March 18, 2017, 02:50:22 pm
To Liz's point about those that fear coming out to others, I wonder how much is simply the fear of unleashing the mechanism that will surely change all you know and how you perceive it?  Seems like just because you want something, doesn't mean you're ready to deal with all it entails. It was like that for me. My first concern was my transphobia. Once I made that hurdle, it became concern for others perceptions and the forced changes on them. Once I made that hurdle, the only thing left was, am I actually willing to do the very hard work and live in perpetuity with all that endeavor entails. It was almost like the the stages of grief that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross details. There really is that divide between your own authenticity and the male privilege you've always enjoyed. I'd be lying if I said I never contested the two. In the end, I simply concluded that the tapestry of my life would be richer in the long run if I presented as myself to those I love and the world at large. If for no other reason than to live with the simplicity and elegance of truth.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 18, 2017, 03:06:03 pm
I think the Kubler ross theory on grief is bang on...it applies and can be seen in so many aspects of our lives. I know I have gone through a grieving period over this.


You wrote "If for no other reason than to live with the simplicity and elegance of truth."

Nicely put, I couldn't agree more...living authentically frees up a lot of space for other things, who knows what we can accomplish when our minds are not caught up in these gender issues.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 18, 2017, 03:19:37 pm
Just went through the replies on my Facebook from my coming letter...I was really surprised to see the level of love and acceptance shown to me by many of my friends and my immediate family...I don't think the comments are over by a long shot...I was surprised by some of the names that have popped up...Social media was the last. I see my Psychiatrist next week and he can actually earn his keep this time by writing me a letter so I can get some stuff changed, drivers licence, bank details, passport that kind of stuff...finally

This is what my Facebook post said...

"Many of you about to read this post will know what it is about. A number of you will find this a total shock, I have tried to contact as many people as possible individually but unfortunately that is not always possible.

I am Transgender and more specifically Transsexual, I began to transition to living as female about 18months ago with the full support of my medical team and more importantly my Family and Friends. In the next few hours my face book page will change to reflect my correct gender and my chosen name.

Meryl has shown me a level of love and care that would be well beyond what many women could and would do. She has always been my soul mate as anyone that knows us would attest. This has to be the most painful, confusing, happy, joyous and frustrating situation she and I have ever encountered, with her strength and love she has been there for bother the sorrow and the4 happiness. We are staying together and continue with our lives together as a family.

My Daughters, whom I love with every fibre of my being, have been fully supportive and have always been one of my first considerations. They have shown me in so many practical ways how much the love and support me.Thankyou my SG & B.

I encourage all my friends to stay as a friends, but I do accept that not everyone will be able to deal with this so I may lose a few along the way. c’est la vie, I hold no grudges :)

Onwards and upwards, many of you asked when they should use she/her pronouns and my chosen name of Elizabeth or Liz. I began living fulltime as Liz a couple of weeks ago so from now it would be appropriate that everyone use my chosen name Liz and my correct pronouns of she/her. If you make a mistake or accidentally slip up/forget then it really is OK, I understand mistakes happen. If however this is done spitefully or anger then my response will be far less accommodating.

As my family have discovered over the last 18months of my transition, that I am just the same person with the same essence I have always had. I have so far managed to quieten the war that has been raging inside me for the last 50+ years and over the next few years of my transition I intend to end it forever.

Liz
"

It has been a very emotional few days with more to come I suspect

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on March 18, 2017, 03:52:58 pm
As usual...your eloquence and character are showing . Congratulations Liz!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 18, 2017, 05:35:06 pm
Very Good Liz,

   I was moved to tears reading you letter. I'm proud of quickly you have moved along just in the short time I've known you.  (Is everything going to make tears run down my face now?) We talk about taking a step along our journey, well Liz you are running. Keep moving toward that goal of yours, girl.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 19, 2017, 02:29:20 am
Thankyou Jentay and Jeanette for your kind words of encouragement 

As many here could attest I have wanted to sprint flat out since September 2015 but the good sense of a few kind ladies and gents showed me the value in slowing down. But in this last sprint to the starting line I have not been able to hold back...once my hair began to look good and I dealt a bit more with my self acceptance beast there was nothing stopping me apart from an arbitrary date in April.

So here I am... ;)

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 19, 2017, 02:51:47 am
Well done ☺
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 21, 2017, 12:10:45 am
I guess when you think about going fulltime you are never going to think of everything. I had an appointment with my Specialist who deals with my chronic disease issues today(more about the appointment later) but I also have Electrolysis tomorrow. So I have to go with "4 days growth"...Most people would not be able to see if I even have any beard until they get up close and then it looks very very sparse but there is no mistaking it...Like in a lift, or stairwell, or when paying for parking, or in a queue for coffee...to be honest by the time I had the coffee I didn't care anymore. I did wear some light foundation and my new brown eyeliner(getting better) but that was about it as far as makeup...

Whiskers and makeup....Hmmmm...how much do I hate that....let me count the ways

Anyway I wasn't going to shave...I couldn't work out where I was going to have my injections tomorrow as it was because it is so sparse I may even have to draw on my face with eyeliner to ensure I get the right spots
Speaking of Eyeliner again

New Score
Eyeliner 2
Liz 1
 
As you can see I am improving...I at least got it on my eye lids and even in the approximate area it was meant to go. I do have to admit though when I start mucking around with this I find myself in a zone where time simply vanishes...

Nice start to my day...even after the whiskers issue I got the Dr and they have a new receptionist who looked up at me and smiled. I told her my Surname and the Dr I was seeing and she smiled again at me very warmly and leant in towards me conspiratorially and said quietly to me "How about we Just call you Elizabeth or would you prefer Liz"

Lovely...My Specialist was delightful with me being careful to use my name and correct pronouns...not stumbling....very at ease...he has been seeing me for 10+ years and has overseen my entire care so I know him really well. He did however impress upon me that he thought(for health reasons only) I should not be going out of Australia for my SRS surgery due to the potential complications that could occur with my implanted pump and the rest of my chronic illness...oh yeah and by the way that pump you have...gonna need to replace that sometime soon. That will be 17k thanks...just pay the cashier on the way out!!

Lucky for me the system doesn't work that way here in Australia. I may have to write a letter but the Specialist feels I have been at the clinic for 17 years so they will should fund the new one...but just to be on the safe side I should start that process rolling because if it alarms because it is in failure mode then it will signal every 4 seconds with a soft beep until it is removed...I have had it alarm before due to another reason and once heard that alarm can not be unheard...potentially it could take 2-3 weeks to organise a new one so if it alarmed I would have it beep at me every 4 seconds for 3 weeks...now doesn't that just sound like fun. LOL So best I get it sorted ASAP

Other than that a fairly quiet day

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 21, 2017, 01:26:46 am
Oh my Liz you did have one heck of a day. At least you are learning how to use eyeliner. It can be a challenge. I do okay on the upper lid having had quite a bit of practice. How are you on the waterlines? I'm not too bad but do need more practice. Why do women do these things?

 I do hope getting the new pump does not turn out to be a chore but you best do it before the dreaded alarm rings.

My own alarm goes off about every 3 months and shut of when my oncologist tells me there is still no sign of my cancer on the CT scan. Knock on wood it never does. The anxiety always returns with each CT scan and lab tests. The only thing worse is hearing those horrible words say it has come back. Believe me it isn't fun.

  I am sure your chronic medical problems isn't any fun either.

 Anyway What a day Liz but you have obviously survived it in fine form.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on March 21, 2017, 03:26:33 pm
Big hugs you poor darlings, will stop me complaining about my dodgy ankle knee and back. Lets hope its all sorted soon Liz , I have yet to try mascara ,well had a go once and what a mess but then my lashes are very fine .
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 22, 2017, 01:13:18 am
After the obligatory injection from my Dr I went up to see my Electrologist...two things I now know. She thinks my regrowth rate is about only 10% which she thinks is a huge win...

I grew my entire beard out for 5 days so I could get an assessment of how long to go to finished the entire first full clearance as she finished my neck today...3 hours...the next after that is all new and regrowth but only about 10% of my face...it won't be long before I can give up shaving altogether and be cleared one a week

Thanks to the replies about my crappy day. Most days my chronic illness is under control as long I rest, don't stress, watch what I eat and keep distracted. Been doing it for 17 years so am getting good at it.

Jeanette are you talking about a mental alarm or a physical alarm...mine is a physical sound... had it go off once for 4 days...that was incredibly annoying because it is one of the sounds that worms its way into your head...before 12 hrs was up I was sitting with a pillow across my stomach to try and shut it up...if you meant a mental alarm then I get it...that can't be ple4asant to have to continually deal with

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on March 22, 2017, 01:43:52 pm
I'm glad I'm not the only one who ends up with an eyeball stuck on an eyeliner pencil. Lovely to read about your progress Liz :)

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 22, 2017, 08:37:35 pm

Jeanette are you talking about a mental alarm or a physical alarm...mine is a physical sound... had it go off once for 4 days...that was incredibly annoying because it is one of the sounds that worms its way into your head...before 12 hrs was up I was sitting with a pillow across my stomach to try and shut it up...if you meant a mental alarm then I get it...that can't be ple4asant to have to continually deal with

Liz

   LOL  Liz, you are correct, my alarm is a mental one.  I was trying to equate the pang of fear I get every 3 months when I go in for a CT scan to see if my cancer has come back again with your fear or dread of your pump's alarm going off.  Both are fears of unpleasant things to come.

  Sorry for the confusion but you did figure it out.

  Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 23, 2017, 06:30:27 am
Hi Jeanette

at least my alarm I can turn off, even if it does take a few days but having the mental alarm is worse cause you can never shut those up... ;)

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 23, 2017, 09:51:04 am
Hi Jeanette

at least my alarm I can turn off, even if it does take a few days but having the mental alarm is worse cause you can never shut those up... ;)

Liz

  My alarm can and does shut off... Every time my oncologist tells me, "They could find no sign of your cancer having returned".  Then I'm good for another 3 -4 months.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 24, 2017, 01:18:32 am
The outpouring of love and support for me just continues on Facebook as word spreads of my transition among my old crowd from the early 80's. A number of people have not only "liked" the posts but many have left personal messages of encouragement.

My eldest brother posted he was honoured to call me he "Sister", Brother just a year older offered me his support in any way I needed, publicly stated he loved and supported me. This same brother went out of his way today to ring and tell me he loved and supported me. He also said he was so happy I had finally found some happiness and he would do anything he could to help me. He has vast resources compared to mine and is very clever man with a career that shows it.

My father today told me he was proud of me and what I had achieved he went on today saying he is beginning to think of me in terms of Liz and she/her, he apologised he has not managed to get that to arrive out of his mouth yet but he is working on it, he has 53 years of conditioning to break...I love him for trying, and told him that.

Good news on the electrolysis front...Just went through a 5 day grow out session so I can get an Idea of how long to finish first clearance of all the tough stuff leaving on new/regrowth...drum roll...3 hours. I am stoked...I have an hour next week then a months break. She will be able to clear one cheek at each session. trying to do two area's doesn't work very well and we always get a better result from numbing one large area at a time...like the cheek, or the entire chin lip area....my neck and jawline is pretty much cleared, with not much growing in that wasteland...three hours. All the work on my top lip is going to need redoing as wasn't done properly in the first place...too much pulling not enough sliding out!!

Off next Friday to finally see a surgeon about my hip hopefully they will be able to do something to help the arthritis in their...both knee and Hip are bone on bone in places and that stings, just a little bit!!! So hopefully they can tell me what they can do, its been pretty dodgy this summer so I would hate to think how its going to feel as winter takes hold. Anyway what ever they suggest I will be up for I guess....

Didn't have much on today(Dinner with No 1 Daughter a 5pm,) so managed to Squeeze in a quick visit with Cindy on the away to a friends for coffee and then home for more boring chores. I will see her on Monday as I have to be back at the hospital "for an oil, grease and change" anyway so will pop in and see her after that. I will leave Cindy to post about my visit but suffice to say...she passed muster for a gal who has had some serious stuff going on. She has everything you can think of attached including ...the machine that goes "ping!"

Liz

 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 24, 2017, 01:37:31 am
Good for you Liz,

  I loved reading of your family successes. Arthritis is a given at our age I think. Fortunately mine isn't bad yet. Shoulders mainly for me. Joints sure hurt when they rub wrong. I haven't needed any lube jobs yet. Knock on wood.

  Thank you for the Cindy update. I'm intimately familiar with those machines. It's not fun, it a pain in the tail trying to use the adult potty chair with everything hooked up. At least I didn't have to use a bed pan. oxygen, monitors, catheter nope no fun at all. I'm sure Cindy has all that and more, but she's a trooper and will survive it with her usual grace. Praying for her speedy recovery.
   Please pass on my best wishes for her when you next see her.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on March 24, 2017, 04:51:12 pm
Liz,

   Congrats for the many supporters from your family. It sounds wonderful. It just means so much when people are proud of you being your true self. Wish everyone could hear that. If only all families knew what a beautiful thing their support is, the world would be so much better. Happy for you!
   Thanks for letting us know about Cindy. She is pretty inspiring, and nice too.
Moni
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 24, 2017, 11:09:57 pm
She who dares wins , i,m happy to hear of your success  with your family and friends  ☺
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 26, 2017, 12:41:24 am
Last 24hours have been weird for me. I went out yesterday to the supermarket and chemist. Both local places I have not been there as Liz but hey...it can't be any worse than going to the city???

So I get through the shopping feeling like only 3/4 of the shoppers are staring at me...each and every kids eyes seemed to bug out of their heads and people seemed to keep away from me, it felt a bit like wearing medieval sign saying "Unclean"...or was that my imagination...anyway off to he Pharmacy and I have to say by the is stage I was still feeling Ok...had the blinkers working pretty good. Had managed to get my groceries in a very busy supermarket without all the people stopping and staring when I walked in. Got to the counter at the pharmacy to get my scrips and I got the once over from one of the regular women who work there. Handed her my slip and she proceeds to tell me that they had none of my hormones and I will have to wait till Monday. I think what threw me is that, she seemed so pleased with herself. So I began to ask and was rudely cut off, being told to pick them up after 5pm Monday.

I was very pleasant through out the interaction but by the time I got back to my car I was really upset and I don't know why. So I went home hoping I could shake the feeling...I had run out of Progynova and had taken the last dose over 24 hrs previous. This dose I take is only a supplementary to an implant that I also have. Long story short I rang the chemist back and asked if I could just have enough to see me till Monday (which is 3 pills)...will see what we can do...twenty minutes later I received a call to go and pick up the entire script...don't know where they came from but never look at gift horse in the mouth...I di feel a bit better after taking it but nothing significant...nor expected.

Today I feel quite flat and I have been misgendered twice today and each time you would have thought someone wacked me with a hammer. Each time by my wife...I know its difficult for her as she is so used to he and him. They all know how important it is to me but there is only one who has at least tried,

I had a full blown conversation with my Father on Friday about pro nouns and names and even then he could not bring himself to use any of it. I think what surprises me the most is how much it hurts each time they do it. When you are feeling down and dysphoric as I am today it  is like little cuts, they really hurt and  you bleed a little each time, I am sure over a period of time with enough of these cuts they really begin to take their toll.

Habit I will accept  as an excuse but only if you are trying to break it...and to say you are trying to break the habit would really mean on each occasion you would try and use the correct pronoun...you may not get it right every time...but surely every now and then you would manage to use my name or the correct pronouns. But they haven't ever....none of them including my daughters and wife. They all dead name and mis-gender me...most days I can take this and let it flow off my back but today I cant....it hurts...

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 26, 2017, 01:34:16 am
Hi Liz,

  It sound like you have had a very trying day. I'm sorry. And after you being so upbeat and having several, no many, good days. That's probably why you felt so down. Tomorrow will be a better day just you wait and see.


  Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 26, 2017, 02:55:28 am
Thanks Jeanette

It was a bit of a vent but up until the last few months I was not sure how I would feel about pronouns and names.

The most surprising thing to me is how much it hurts. I have always been able to let it roll off my back probably because I wanted to believe that they would come round...but they haven't yet...its just today, I am tired and sore a bad combination in anyone's book but toss in a liberal dose of GD and that's why I feel the way I do, where normally I would care but it doesn't usually bother me unless I am dysphoric...today I have it bad and I don't know why...tomorrow will be a better day I am sure

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 26, 2017, 10:59:08 am
Hi Liz.

  I'm hoping today is much better for you. Yeah, family are special cases and when things don't go the way we would like it tends to become a more difficult problem. I do understand. Got my own little problem there.

   I do hope you are feeling much better today Liz. Go sneak in to visit Cindy if you can, she'll cheer you up and you can update all of us on her progress.

  Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 26, 2017, 03:32:50 pm
I have to go in for my "service" on my medication pump at 11am. But am going to go early and the nurses on the Pain Management unit get to meet Liz for the first time today. They will be fine I am sure. I did tell them about my Transition when I was in for my last top up. After than I am off to squeeze in a short visit with Cindy before heading off to see my  Psych to get my letter to change my name....should be a good day. Last night my mood began to lift and I do feel better today.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on March 27, 2017, 04:22:38 pm
The saying is "you can call me anything you like as long as its not late for dinner"
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 28, 2017, 04:53:47 pm
The last few days have been a mixed bag with yesterday being my busiest day for awhile. I started with voice therapy and finished with an hours Electrolysis.

The speech therapy went well and we have now established a pitch and are working on recognising  the pitch. Then practicing certain words and how they feel on the face and tongue...so I have a month of practicing with that and explosive sounds.

I had my final clearance of the last of the "thick post" hairs from my neck and one cheek. I have about and hour an 1/2  work to pick up the final "thick Post" hairs...this hurt like crazy as these were on my neck which had no aesthetic so with my hypersensitivity it hurt like crazy but I just wanted them gone and am so happy...bit bumpy and lumpy today but that will sooth out...way less bruising than most times

My Psychiatrist who I have to keep seeing if I was GCS letters, I have no rapport and have never discussed anything about my transition with him in any real detail as I already have a psychologist for that. He is a nice enough guy. I asked him to write me a letter so I can get my licence changed. He agreed and about half way through he asked me when I began crossdressing full time. I looked at him a bit stunned and said "I beg your pardon" He simply repeated the question...so I sad please explain what you mean...he repeated the question so I sad to him...I am a woman I used to crossdress to a male every day of my life and now I present myself as my correct and original gender so I stopped cross dressing when I started living fulltime at the beginning of the month...he genuinely looked confused...it took me all my time to remain seated.

So I said to him I am not a cross dresser as you well know and have stated before!!! Maybe you could use the words "began to present herself as female" or similar...so he wrote the letter with the cross dresser line still in it. I remained very calm and asked him to change it....he then went bright red and simply rewrote the section of the letter as I asked him...it was wrong in so many way and I was really annoyed and angry at him. This clown is going to be the one who has to write my letter for GCS... When I asked him about this he said almost with a gleam in his eye that I had to do a minimum of a years RLE...the gate keeper in him couldn't help himself...I am furious with his attitude.

Please do not take this the wrong way, But I am not a crossdresser I am Transsexual and there is one hell of a difference. We have similar problems in some area's but in most others we differ greatly I have his letter and will take and change all the things I need too with it and then I am not sure. I will need to see him a minimum of 3 more times for the year to be up. I will then get my letter and fire his ass...I would do it sooner if I didn't have an 18month wait to see another Psych.

So today I am off to change my driver licence my Medicare details  and my bank accounts...with all those done I can rest a little easier...I will stop being misgendered because they "have " to use the name on my Medicare a card...being pulled over with my current licence as I don't look much like my photo could go really bad if I struck a bad cop...never mind hopefully today that is the end of it

In amongst this I was supposed to see Cindy but everyone was running late yesterday, hopefully I will get up there tomorrow as I have yet another appointment at the hospital anyway.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on March 28, 2017, 05:06:22 pm
Liz, I'm so glad you got past that psychiatrist to get the darn letter.  I felt so much better when the ID in my bag matched me!

I hope all the ID updates go quickly and painlessly for you.  (Less painful than that neck work, certainly.  I had that last month and... yeowie!  The good news is that new growth seems to be much less painful to remove than those mighty Old Growth beard hairs.)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on March 28, 2017, 05:08:52 pm
Quote
he asked me when I began crossdressing full time

it's that kind of ingrained passive aggressive ignorant misogyny that gets me spitting mad. Psychiatrist indeed. Just another ignorant man ingratiating himself with a patriarchal good old boy system designed to protect his ineptitude and ignorance.

Okay ::)  I'm through.  Glad it was an overall "win" day, Liz 8)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 28, 2017, 05:18:25 pm
Hi Liz,

  Wow! What a trying day you had. I thought the first parts were the tough one but then I read your encounter with that pompous butthead. How you managed to put up with him I'll never know. You must have been fuming.
  But you DID get your letter!  You ARE getting your documents changed! And I am sure no matter how un pleasant it may be you WILL get your GCS letter too. Of that I have no doubt.

  I've been watching for an update on Cindy and I wish you had been able to visit her today. She would have calmed you right down. I'm sure you took awhile to unruffle the feathers on your own. (I can tell you did manage it though). Hopefully you will see Cindy tomorrow and pass on to her all of our wishes for a speedy recovery. Give her a gentle hug from me if you are able. Just a little one will do.

 Here is a BIG hug for you Liz ((((HUG))))
   Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 28, 2017, 05:20:26 pm
it's that kind of ingrained passive aggressive ignorant misogyny that gets me spitting mad. Psychiatrist indeed. Just another ignorant man ingratiating himself with a patriarchal good old boy system designed to protect his ineptitude and ignorance.

Okay ::)  I'm through.  Glad it was an overall "win" day, Liz 8)

 WHEW! What a mouthful Jen! Did you get it all out in one breath?

LOL

 Hugs,
   Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on March 28, 2017, 05:24:25 pm
WHEW! What a mouthful Jen! Did you get it all out in one breath?

LOL

 Hugs,
   Jeanette
yup!! L.O.L.  If I'm gonna be a long winded mouthy bitch like that, it's a good thing I quit smoking. Don't wanna pass out in the middle of my rant! Loses its effectiveness.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 28, 2017, 05:39:57 pm
You Know what ladies...some days you should not make rash promises to yourself before looking in the mirror...LOL

Electrolysis yesterday involved facial injections  which means today I am a swollen bruised mess....there is no way I am putting makeup on that mess. So the photo for the licence is out today...it will be the same photo for 5 years...so might be prudent to wait a day or so LOL

I was really angry with him about it but also I was really surprised as I had found him a reasonable kind of person prior to this. All my therapy has been done with a psychologist whom he consulted. I am over it now and know exactly who he is

Michelle I am sure by comparison the ID will be Ok, I have checked the criteria and I now meet it all...yeah that neck work is realy unpleasant and I had most of mine done with local anaesthetic...don't know how you managed with just Emla cream

Jentay...love ya work...can I use that?  ;D I would love to incorporate it in my blog

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 28, 2017, 05:48:31 pm
Good for you Liz,



  Thank you for the Cindy update. I'm intimately familiar with those machines. It's not fun, it a pain in the tail trying to use the adult potty chair with everything hooked up. At least I didn't have to use a bed pan. oxygen, monitors, catheter nope no fun at all. I'm sure Cindy has all that and more, but she's a trooper and will survive it with her usual grace. Praying for her speedy recovery.
   Please pass on my best wishes for her when you next see her.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Hi Jeanette

I will certainly pass on my best for you. Might have to rethink my timings and may even be able to see her today yet but if not certainly tomorrow.

As far as the Psych goes I am angry with him but I don't have to see him again and since I don't need anything from him it will be like most of his appointments...very quick. He runs his standard set of questions, to which I reply with my stand set of answers, he writes them in standard set of notes and now everyone is happy because we have met the standards. Yay for standards!!

Cynical who me......

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on March 28, 2017, 06:00:22 pm

Jentay...love ya work...can I use that?  ;D I would love to incorporate it in my blog

Liz


Of course you can, Hon! I don't know whether to be flattered or concerned about your judgement?

What pray tell is your blogs URL?  I'd love to read more of your expereinces & musings!

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 28, 2017, 06:11:24 pm

Of course you can, Hon! I don't know whether to be flattered or concerned about your judgement?

What pray tell is your blogs URL?  I'd love to read more of your expereinces & musings!

Not sure my blog is ready for public reading yet but it won't be far off....I want to incorporate some of the great stuff that has been said to me here at Susan's but need to be careful that no one is identified(or are OK if they are) and that I can use stuff etc etc...still a bit of work to do...I was hoping to have April to work on it as I am having to take a one month break from Electrolysis and have not scheduled much in the way of other stuff. I would like to Launch the end of May if I could

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on March 28, 2017, 06:38:14 pm
FWIW...I'm a mean old Tranny with a bit of an attitude, but if I said it you can reprint it, anywhere! Looking forward to that link, Liz!   ;)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 29, 2017, 05:53:41 am
So the original Plan today was to go sort out my ID change and get a new Driver Licence...slight problem my face is all swollen and bruised from Electrolysis and I have a side ways chin....Ok not to be beat I figured a Medicare office should be Ok only a few people, so off I went to the combined Medicare and Centrelink office and the place was a Mad House, Centrelink deals with Unemployment, sickness and disability payment along with a whole heap of other stuff.

Very long story short, can't name change my Medicare, which is universal healthcare cover,so whatever medical stuff I get done has my dead name on it until I get it changed. So it is a pretty big deal for me. They won't do it until I get my drivers licence changed...so off I go to get my licence changed, I am of the understanding that I need a letter from a Dr, and proof of who I am. I have both of these but the Computer says no....after about a 20 minute discussion with the manager she said she might accept the change of name certificate from NZ as I cannot get one from Australia where I live because I am not a citizen. So it took the rest of the day to put together what I needed to get my change of name certificate and sent it to NZ. Not sure what else I can do...this may or may not be enough to get my license which, the manager thinks she will be Ok with it. I need my license for Photo ID and costs about $150 to do this certificate she thinks  she will accept

I was so upset about it all, passing or not passing never entered my mind...I simply couldn't have cared less today.

The day felt like one of total humiliation

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on March 29, 2017, 09:09:08 am
Sorry for the bad day, Liz. This whole process certainly toughens us up by the time were finished. On one level, I suppose it's a good thing. But on another......some days the whole of it just leaves you feeling wretched. This too shall pass and today will be brighter. That joyous experience was one more wall kicked down leaving you closer to the goal.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 29, 2017, 09:11:48 am
Hi Liz,

 F R U S T R A T I O N !!!  Frustration Plus  I bet you were either angry or wanted to cry. possibly both. I think I would be by the time you got done. Bureaucracy is such a pain in the tush at times.

  You didn't hurt anyone did you? Hmmm, no broken furniture or holes in the wall? Hangover this morning? Oh My I hope not. None of those are good solutions and none will make you feel better.
  Go get yourself a nice tight warm hug from a loved one. It may not fix any of the problems you ran into but hugs sure feel good.  I hope you have a better day today.

 Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on March 29, 2017, 11:28:20 am
The ID change is rough.  I was fortunate that the Transgender Law Center in my home state of California actually put out a step-by-step guide (https://transgenderlawcenter.org/resources/id/id-please) that listed documents, and included example filled-out forms. The process is quite complex and involves a number of steps that had to be carried out in a precise order or the process would fail.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 29, 2017, 03:35:17 pm
Sorry for the bad day, Liz. This whole process certainly toughens us up by the time were finished. On one level, I suppose it's a good thing. But on another......some days the whole of it just leaves you feeling wretched. This too shall pass and today will be brighter. That joyous experience was one more wall kicked down leaving you closer to the goal.

You are right by the time I was done, I had kicked a few walls down and some kind of direction to go in. Much of the terminology is open for interpretation and they just LOVE telling you their version. I am heading off interstate at the end of may and I need a drivers licence as well as my bank details changed so I can stay and pay for my accommodation for my Nursing class reunion...it takes 14 days to get the certificate, then a further 14 days to at least get my new physical licence and similar to get new bank cards in my name so depending on what further is required to get my name change document...hopefully I have it all right!!

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 29, 2017, 03:47:38 pm
Hi Liz,

 F R U S T R A T I O N !!!  Frustration Plus  I bet you were either angry or wanted to cry. possibly both. I think I would be by the time you got done. Bureaucracy is such a pain in the tush at times.

  You didn't hurt anyone did you? Hmmm, no broken furniture or holes in the wall? Hangover this morning? Oh My I hope not. None of those are good solutions and none will make you feel better.
  Go get yourself a nice tight warm hug from a loved one. It may not fix any of the problems you ran into but hugs sure feel good.  I hope you have a better day today.

 Hugs,
    Jeanette

I was really good and polite with all the people I dealt with. I only physically lost it when I got back to the car and slammed my paperwork on the top of my car roof(old old car) which made a satisfyingly large banging sound. I don't drink or smoke so I cried...I cried until my resolve hardened and I decided I was not going to "Let the B's beat me down" then my stubborn resolve took over to have the paperwork prepared and sent to NZ for approval, most of this stuff is so vague around what is required it is so very easy to misinterpret. Plus the Manger has discretion as to what she will and won't accept.

There are two parts that have to be satisfied

Name change  - official document from Govt department is the only acceptable document - despite the fact they won't issue me with one and refuse to say if they will accept the one from my home country

Gender Change  -this is a letter form the Psychiatrist to say I need a gender marker change...they are all fine with that part and will even change the gender marker with my old name on it

I was exhausted by the end of it all and an emotional wreck...it was just such a humiliating experience 

Liz     
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 29, 2017, 04:01:14 pm
The ID change is rough.  I was fortunate that the Transgender Law Center in my home state of California actually put out a step-by-step guide (https://transgenderlawcenter.org/resources/id/id-please) that listed documents, and included example filled-out forms. The process is quite complex and involves a number of steps that had to be carried out in a precise order or the process would fail.

My biggest issue is I am not an Australian citizen but have all the same rights apart from these very technical ones. So why not just become an Australian citizen? That is an even longer and more convoluted process that you need to attend a ceremony and then you are issued with the citizenship. I do get special priority due to my status but it takes over 6 months...maybe something to do for later

If I was a an Australian Citizen I still have to jump through some fairly stupid hoops to get my name change certificate but one you have that it is all very straight forward...without it, it is like beating your head against a brick wall. Is it any wonder we are such stressed individuals

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on March 29, 2017, 04:08:55 pm
Feel for you, beurocacy (sorry speel checker not working on this)  can be a bitch and if you have a "more than my jobs worth " in charge. In the UK it looks easy just fill in a deed poll and when approved (£60ish) you just use it to change , drivers licence easy ,willeven do gender change . Its all on internet government site.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 29, 2017, 04:20:17 pm
Feel for you, beurocacy (sorry speel checker not working on this)  can be a bitch and if you have a "more than my jobs worth " in charge. In the UK it looks easy just fill in a deed poll and when approved (£60ish) you just use it to change , drivers licence easy ,willeven do gender change . Its all on internet government site.

Here in Australia Deed pole is not considered legally binding which is why they won't use it. It requires a stat declaration witnessed by two people and then registered with Births deaths and Marriages...that is all it takes by deed poll which many, many, organisation may not and do not have to accept, They do have to accept the official change of name document. The UK is one of the few places in the world where deed poll is still acceptable, that is according to the Aust Govt website.

Liz   
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 31, 2017, 07:09:30 am

I was exhausted by the end of it all and an emotional wreck...it was just such a humiliating experience 

Liz   

 Feel for you Liz 😿 I know humiliation  well. so I do understand  especially dealing with that bone head  shrink
Your actions  are impressive  ....takes a. lot of  courage  👏
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 02, 2017, 07:25:09 am
What a week I have had...with my new movie being out...well video, Just over 100+k views and the most moving part for me was the response from my friends and family after coming out publicly a few weeks ago on facebook. After the video went out I got heaps of nice comments. It was really great...

So Friday evening after the vid had been all over the internet I figured it was about time to change my profile pic to the same one I show here. So I did that shut down my Facebook and never gave it another thought....I getting countless notifications about the video anyway. When I sat down on Saturday morning  I realised my picture had created quite the storm of comment...these were my closest friends and family, I could not bring myself to look until a notification flashed up that my mother had commented on my photo, the within a few minutes my father commented. This the first time either of them have acknowledged me in public...I kind of figured it wouldn't be nasty...

And it wasn't...they were both wonderful...I was humbled

My mother "Lovely photo You are stunning !"

My Father " Great photo - amazing - wow"

This was a huge thing they did for me...I fell like they really are starting to accept who I am.

I did manage to catch up with Cindy on Saturday and to meet at least one of the more colourful characters looking after her. She is looking pretty marvellous for a gal having gone through what she has...could do with a bit more weight on her but radical surgery will do that to you.

I have a quiet month ahead of me...not much in the way of appointments...a laser session and a voice therapy at the end of the month.

I got an acknowledgement from the NZ Govt they have my change of name forms and are processing them. I don't think I will have too many hassles...pretty sure I have the stuff they require. Should have the documents in the next 2 weeks, then I can get my licence changed, then my bank accounts, then the rest of my utilities....then my passport. But for now it is a waiting game...


Liz


 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 02, 2017, 01:13:43 pm
Hey Liz,

   That was really cool what your parents commented on your picture. Sound like they have thought about you a bit and decided you are still their child and will love and support you regardless.

   It's nice to read your document quest is moving along too. You'll get things done eventually because you're persistent. Keep it up.

   Take a break this month and breathe.

 Hugs
   Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 02, 2017, 10:06:01 pm
After 4 trips to have documents verified 5 emails and two phone calls I received this about 5 minutes ago

"Dear BXXXXXXX

 Thank you for your email.

 Name change completed and name change certificate despatched to you today J

 Regards

(Removed) | Registration Officer   

Births, Deaths, Marriages, Citizenship, Authentications and Translations

Mauri o te Tangata

The Department of Internal Affairs - Te Tari Taiwhenua"


So once the certificate arrives  (3-5 days) I can now start to change my name across the various organisations

Yahoooooooo!!!!

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 02, 2017, 11:05:58 pm
Great news Liz. Hopefully Australia will go just as smoothly now.

 Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 05, 2017, 08:00:42 pm
What is it with pronouns...they can be like pieces of hot lead spat you or a gentle caress of acceptance...and infuriatingly difficult to get other to comprehend their importance.

I cannot explain properly why they hurt me so much, I have never been more bothered by them than in the last 3 months. Like  little poison darts....they will make me leave a room and bring me to tears. I am normally not bothered by this kind of stuff but these pronouns have got me beat...

Liz

 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 06, 2017, 02:31:23 am
Have had a fairly quiet few days...Laser on Tuesday morning but that was no bother...it does sting a little but nothing like Electrolysis...and the prep is no makeup...easy as. So that will Laser treatment number 9...I should start shedding black hairs in about 7 days...there are only a hand full of the thick tough ones persisting, the rest are finer and much harder to see. After my next one I will probably be ready to push the time between treatment out by a few weeks to may 10 weeks and my that stage most of the stragglers will have been removed by electrolysis.

I Continue on with my daily voice practice and have found that I can get about a 175 pitch with out really any voice strain at all. So maybe even with a little more work I can lift it a little higher. Womens pitch tends to be 160 -260 so while on the lower end  it should still be quite good. It feels ok and I just have to learn how to put some inflection and another word the therapist used as well...means to talk in a feminine speech pattern. My natural speach is in about the 140-150 pitch zone anyway so to push it up a little more hopefully won't be too hard.

Had a friend over today who told me I made a "gorgeous woman"  and managed to not Deadname me for the first 1/2 hour but as soon as she relaxed away she went...other than that minor detail it was great to catch up with her and we chatted about all sorts of stuff... a nice way to spend the afternoon, chatting with an old friend.

Just about to head out the door and find something for my dinner and get a few groceries....looks like the outing will be "tres casual" as its hot and I just want to grab a few things...

Just got home thought I had hit the Post button...now I am really hot but at least I now have food and drink!!!!

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 06, 2017, 09:01:20 am
Hi Liz,

  You know those laid back days can be really nice. They give you a chance to recharge before you have to get hectic again. I really ought to look seriuosly into that hair removal thing... Hot?  Can you send me some of that? It's been cold and rainy here, I too have had a couple quiet days because of it. I'm freezing!
  Enjoy the relaxation girl.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 09, 2017, 06:32:12 pm
Well the last 24 hrs or so have not been fun... My Chronic Illness went into flare up mode for the first time in nearly 12 months, previously it had been once a month at least. So I was a bit overdue.(shrug) This means forced rest and extra meds that make me dopier than usual.  ;D

Apart from that it has been an interesting week. My brother came over and we addressed the issue of his Transphobic wife. I have to say that I do love my brother but he "can't lie straight in bed" let alone tell me the truth. I said to him I understand she is phobic but her and I got on fine and then I say I am Trans and that is it...she will no longer stay in the same room.

None of it was making sense to me but he eventually admitted that maybe, she had the wrong end of things because of what he had said (his words not mine). He thought I was the issue with my parents and expressed that to his wife along with all his prejudices so I ended up looking like trash by the time he was finished.....then he found out at Xmas that everything I had been saying was the truth. However by this time he had trash talked me so bad the only way for him to make it right is to admit to his wife that he was wrong. Which he won't do...

He has played the Supporter but all the time talking differently behind my back. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would...I am still really disappointed as I thought he was a better human being than that, despite all this I did offer an olive branch...you can't choose your family ::)

Had a laser treatment (no 9) last Tuesday, should start to see some decent shedding over the next few days...I can see already the result on my top lip will be a good one, just about all the dark hairs left have swollen over the last week in prep to fall out. There are another couple of dozen over my chin area that have also swollen up so it looks like it could be a pretty good result...I can see from my top lip that the IPL (sigh...what a waste of time and money) I had, did very little in the way of any permanent hair removal...

Could be round two of the ID change saga today. I should see my New Zealand change of name certificate $154.65 later...ouch!... even then it is not certain that it will be accepted...it will depend on how pedantic each Govt department are going to be. I had some upstart from the local water company wanting "evidence" I asked him what he wanted and he couldn't tell me, he simply repeated that he need a document to show the use of the name...so I sent him a copy of my Electricity bill LOL, that is in the name Elizabeth. I don't think what I sent, is what he want,  but now they have to at the very least specify a suitable document....fun and games.

Lost my MasterCard last week because I wouldn't take my purse with me into the shop...for some reason my handbag was suddenly "to hard" to take with me...took the card only, got the three things I wanted...never saw card again. That was a pretty dumb thing to do....but when you are not used to using a purse and handbag it becomes a learning curve. Good news is, that it was replaced within 3 days of reporting it lost.

To be perfectly honest I don't think I could face all that hassle with name change today, the meds make me really tired...so maybe a quiet day catching up with emails and the like is a bit more appealing...maybe a movie...maybe :)

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 09, 2017, 10:12:28 pm
Hi Liz,

  *sigh*  I'm sorry your health issue is acting up at the moment. It makes for a quieter day in the life of one Elizabeth K.  You know even those days can be good days. Low key days can even be looked at as a day of rest.
  Something like my trip out to Missouri and back.  The weather wasn't cooperating and I had some obstacles that caused me to backtrack and find a different route. I ran into high winds, thunder and lightening, rains, snow, flood detours, and a little sunshine. Yup all that and yet I made it there to visit with my friends, coming out to them and getting only acceptance. And I made it home too. As lousy as the drives were I'd trade none of it as it was just what I needed to do at the time.
   Life isn't always a bed of roses but it can be just what we need when we need it.  Hang in there Liz. You will get what you need to do, done and have the acceptance you need when you need them.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on April 10, 2017, 09:04:20 am
Gosh....it's always something and then you add family ignorance betrayal dynamics into the mix? Woof! My heat's with you Liz.....it's got to get better from here. Don't let em' get you down...fair dinkum! ;)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 11, 2017, 07:54:54 pm
Thanks You two.... :D

The health is still not great the next few days are the telling ones...I tend to lose appetite, along with the will to swallow anything and this tends to make things worse as I become dehydrated. But eating and drinking triggers my Pancreas to start production of Enzymes which are most likely "leaking" via the damaged area on my pancreas. This as you can imagine really cause some issues especially when you consider those enzymes are designed to break down food and do no distinguish between me and a piece of steak. Nope not a pretty picture. Normally if I manage to keep things under control by resting and hydrating it will settle in a few days and require no further intervention.

Had 24 hrs off the internet...wow made me find heaps of other things to do....do I really waste that much time doing stuff on the internet.....YES!

My voice exercises got a going over...I am able to pitch easily and comfortably about 175, still a little low but with female range. I can now find the pitch without the use of a piano app. I have also found my overall natural pitch has crept up a little since doing the assigned exercises. I can actually talk a little at the higher 170-180 pitch but it still sounds really odd to me. Anyway next lesson is how to modulate and when to modulate and another word she used that I can't remember for the life of me but its about the way you pronounce things and the inflection you use...

This week should see the laser shedding...some has already moved and I will exfoliate today which will remove a fair bit if it is ready but over the next 5 days it will really clean up...No more treatments for anything till First week in May Yahooooooo.  :D

Still no sign of the Change of name certificate...got a response back from one of the Govt Agencies that I had been trying to change my name with for the last 2 weeks, They sent me a letter an d in it they had left my old name on the bill, taken my wife's name off and put my Elizabeth name right along side my old one...face palm!!!! Anyway I wrote them informing them of their error, so will see how quick it takes them to sort this mess out. LOL I had to laugh because their letter telling me they had made the changes was so full of apologies for being so dense in the first place, Doh! Got to love bureaucrats!!!!

I am sitting here waiting on the mail to arrive to see if my name change cert turns up, if it does then it I will "glam up" and go get my new photo, licence and finish off the last part of the Medical Name Change stuff...other wise its cleaning....shudder... ;D

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 11, 2017, 08:17:07 pm
 Hi Liz,
 
   Pancreas issues huh?  What half of mine?  oooops I can't do that I wouldn't have any left for me.  My second bout with cancer took half of my pancreas and some other stuff in the area. They called it a Whipple procedure.  Now I have the opposite problem of what you have. My pancreas doesn't make enough of those enzymes and as a consequence it doesn't digest the meats , fats and oils properly and they eventually start passing right through me. In the mouth and about 20-30 minutes out the... well you know. I now have to take enzyme capsules to digest better.  Another thing the pancreas makes in insulin... you guessed it that is why I am not a diabetic and take insulin shots.
   So yeah Liz, I kinda understand your problem but from the opposite point of view. what to trade for a bit?

   Sorry you are having a difficult time of it for awhile. I hope it doesn't last long.

   Apologetic dufus bureaucrats screwing up what they were busy apologizing  about?  That for some reason sounds about right. Keep on them until they can get it right.

  Did you see how Cindy, Jane and Randy are all ganging up on me?

    anyway  hope you get alot of cleaning done  you can use the low key atmosphere to help keep your mind of the ID problems.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 12, 2017, 05:29:36 pm
A Kindred panc spirit...I have calcification and as a result develop cysts as well as getting the "leaking" issue...My panc works pretty well internally and I am always testing along the borderline of being diabetic but never actually step over. My last GP got really concerned as refused to accept that it is caused by a dickie panc, he did in the end after creating a lot of unnecessary work for everyone but eventually someone sat him down and explained it all ....I have had this looked at all ways and as soon as they look at the MRI no further discussion is required...sometimes GP'd get a bee in their bonnet ...The biggest issue it left me with was chronic pain because the last major attack I had 17 years ago did some damage to some of my "wiring" so I am left with nerve damage which fire erroneous pain signals mixed along with those caused by the leaking....usual complicated panc stuff...

Sounds like you have been through the mill...a whipple is no picnic...ouch!!!! Lucky /unlucky for me I still produce enough enzymes to digest ok, so don't have the hassle of the meds or the shots...they told me within 10 years I would be diabetic...year 17 and no change...still borderline. Cancer is just brutal...it obviously took out a fair amount of digestive stuff for you.

I was jumping on here to quickly say I re hydrated yesterday and took it easy and today can report things appear to be settling down which is great for it to happen this quick. Being happy has its advantages :D

Jeanette I know they are ganging up on you...and so am I...only being gentle about this...look at it more as... lets say encouraging you. What would the perfect going out story be for Jeanette? Seize the day and all that...You will as Cindy said feel liberated...Oh yes amongst a who trove of other emotions...so I encourage you...maybe with a gentle but "loving" shove in that direction ;D

Were you ever a member of the PMB?

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 12, 2017, 05:55:19 pm

Sounds like you have been through the mill...a whipple is no picnic...ouch!!!!... Cancer is just brutal...it obviously took out a fair amount of digestive stuff for you.

I was jumping on here to quickly say I re hydrated yesterday and took it easy and today can report things appear to be settling down which is great for it to happen this quick. Being happy has its advantages :D

Jeanette I know they are ganging up on you...and so am I...only being gentle about this...look at it more as... lets say encouraging you. What would the perfect going out story be for Jeanette? Seize the day and all that...You will as Cindy said feel liberated...Oh yes amongst a who trove of other emotions...so I encourage you...maybe with a gentle but "loving" shove in that direction ;D

Were you ever a member of the PMB?

Liz

  Hi Liz,

  Yeah, you might think I've been through the mill a bit.  I've had my appendix out,  left kidney out due to the cancer, a whipple when it came back. I take enzymes when I eat and insulin shots, let the doctors poison me every 8 hour in ICU for 2 weeks then a recovery break and let them do it again for 2 more weeks when the cancer came back in various places in my abdomen.  But I am still here and kicking.  That is why I am in such awe with what Cindy has been through. In a way I know what she is going through, though the circumstances are a bit different. She's a real fighter.

   I am glad your problems are beginning to subside. You've been through a bit of an ordeal yourself. Not a lot of fun involved I'm sure. I hope you continue to feel better.

  It's okay you all are doing a bit of friendly pushing. I know you all mean well and have my best interests at heart. Why do you think I keep coming back here to put up with the abuse? lol Luvs ya all.

  I guess I never was a member of the PMB because I've never heard of it.

 Hugs,
   Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 12, 2017, 09:43:24 pm
 :eusa_dance: :eusa_dance: My Change of Name Certificate finally came in the mail..... :eusa_dance: :eusa_dance:
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 12, 2017, 09:45:24 pm
YAY!!! CHANGE THAT NAME!! CHANGE THAT NAME!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on April 12, 2017, 10:27:50 pm
Congrats liz...that has to be affirming. You needed that win after last week. Good on ya'!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 15, 2017, 04:46:22 am
Over the last 6 months being mis-gendered has begun to really bother me as it did not impact me the same way it does now.

It is surprising to me as to how much it hurts...Maybe this is the flipside of self acceptance.... "Womanhood" is all very new and feels fragile so I wonder if it is because being misgendered strikes at the very core of who you are that it hurts so much. It feels like an attack on my authenticity as a person...it makes you feel like those who do it, don't actually care and are more concerned about themselves than our wellbeing or supporting us.

Now the really unexpected part of all this are the only people who mis-gender me on a constant basis are people I really love, like my wife and my parents. I want to be careful how I deal with this issue... my wife knows how important pro-nouns and names are because we have talked about it, but yet she will not use them. Yesterday after spending an hour and half being mis-named and mis-gendered by my parents I found myself sitting with my wife as she had a series of phone conversations with my daughters where she constantly mis-gendered me to them. I couldn't take it anymore and left the room. Straw, camels, broken back and all that...so I learned mis-gendering also has a cumulative effect.

My wife knows there is something wrong, however, I really don't want to push this because I said I wouldn't but when I said that I also didn't realise I would feel the way I do...and I can't help that. My wife is doing a remarkable job just keeping it together with me transitioning and I understand this is also difficult for her.

I don't know...as you can tell I am a bit torn about it all...anyone got any thoughts they would like to share?

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on April 15, 2017, 08:34:32 am
I don't like it either, Liz. But the wife gets a pass till I die. I use my female voice, female mannerism, female pronoun and female reactions around her now. I give no one else that pass to misgender me any longer and that helps her. Consequently,  she has started to slowly come around of her own volition. I figure it's hard for her to be in the ocean without getting wet so I immerse her in me without saying a word. After 34 years it's the least I can do. For the longest time I caught myself acting like "him" to appease her without even being conscious of the fact. Since I stopped that, she still makes mistakes, but I never admonish her. Of late she seems to be embarrassed when she misgenders and dead names me. I'm letting it happen organically and assume Pavlovian theory will kick in at some point. 34 years is a lot of unscrewing for her to do. It will all play out the way I want, it just demands more patience than I'd originally thought. Good luck.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 15, 2017, 10:00:46 am
Hi Liz,

    I wish I had some words of wisdom, some sage advise, a valid solution, or a comforting thought for you. But as you know I am too new to this myself to offer any of that. I have no such experience with the problem as I have no immediate family local. The best I can do is offer a virtual hug and wish you the strength to get through this hard stage in your journey. I can say that I believe this difficult time will pass with time and love. I was hard for you to accept this difference in yourself even after years of knowing you were different. Your loved ones have had many year of know you as a different person, that person you tried for so long to presented to the world. It will take time and a lot of gentle exposure for your loved ones to accept this change being suddenly forced upon them. Some we know and want to accept us may never be able to do so. Sadly we must accept that and let them go. Given time they may of their own volition return.
   It's tough sure, and it hurts. For  the time being you will need to understand it from their point. It has hurt them also their husband and father is for all intents and purposes is gone. Sure you know you are the same person inside that you have always been but you now have made it difficult for them to see that. I hasn't been easy for them just as it is not easy for you. Give it some more time and keep loving them.
  You can do this Liz.

  ((((( HUGGGGS)))))

  Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on April 15, 2017, 12:37:25 pm
Mis-gendering definitely has a cumulative effect on us.

It's really hard for people that know us across our transition, from the old presentation to ourselves, but I do nudge them occasionally.  My ex-wife never sees me at her request, so that isn't an issue. 

For people that I have met since transition, who slip occasionally, I will do something to prompt them, like get a pronoun pin (She/Her/Hers buttons on the trans-flag background) out of my bag and put it on.  If they persist I get out another pin and put it on.  If they still persist they're being jerks, really, and are not friends.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 15, 2017, 05:43:23 pm
Quote
Jentay
For the longest time I caught myself acting like "him" to appease her without even being conscious of the fact. Since I stopped that

You know what?... you have made a really valid point here....as I sit here and think about what you have said it rings a chord in me that says "you do this all the dam time" ...from the lawn mowing to dressing down so as not to "take anything away from her"... She hasn't asked me to do any of this and it also feels a little bit like me having a whinge only to learn that I cannot expect others to do stuff I won't. I kind of feel a little like I need to ramp up my femininity to help her see me less as a guy...hmmm that actually sounds like fun

Quote
Jeanette
The best I can do is offer a virtual hug and wish you the strength to get through this hard stage in your journey. I can say that I believe this difficult time will pass with time and love.


Very true, time is the great healer. My daughters are really aware of pronouns and they are trying but it will be a long term thing. I think for them the greatest relief was that they realised that I am still the same person I have always been, My essence(as my mother described it) is intact, or same chocolate different wrapper(my wife's description). I think they were surprised about this but really happy. My wife also talked about feeling relieved when she realised I was essentially who I have always been just so much happier.

Quote
Michelle
Mis-gendering definitely has a cumulative effect on us.

Another lesson learned, I need to find a way to work through this and let her come to her own realisation. I think that although taking a bit longer may in fact work on her.

I like the idea of the pins to prompt people...were these pins you got online or locally?

Today is going to be interesting, we will have the whole family together along with partners for Easter Lunch and I am sure the mis-gendering will be coming thick and fast. I will need my "big girl pants" on today  ;D .....Actually when I think about it, maybe not, my eldest daughter dropped in unexpectedly the other morning and caught me really upset and we talked about it then. She is acutely aware and has been trying to cajole her Mum into gendering me correctly. I did ask that she not put too much pressure on her mother...as I have told her she can do this at her own pace.

Thanks ladies for your help I appreciate it

Hugs all round

Thanks

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on April 15, 2017, 06:03:55 pm
For my 5 cents worth.

Yes gendering by the family is the hardest issue. I gave my wife 'free rein' and she now never misgenders me but it has taken several years.

So it does happen and it can be startling when it does. I had family around yesterday, there is one male, my brother in law. He is a lovely man but has always been a little cautious around me, not quite knowing what to do. Yesterday as we were all greeting each other on arrival he made a comment, 'Cindy, you are looking lovely today'. I almost collapsed, his wife looked at me with raised eyebrows - stunned by the break through and I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Remember family have always known you as him. He has to die in their minds before they know you as her. It takes time.

Have a wonderful Easter Sunday and a lovely time with the family. Tune out of the words and just feel their love and warmth. Your family loves you and accepts you, allow them the privilege of showing it in their space and time.

Love
Cindy
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 15, 2017, 06:42:11 pm

Have a wonderful Easter Sunday and a lovely time with the family. Tune out of the words and just feel their love and warmth. Your family loves you and accepts you, allow them the privilege of showing it in their space and time.

Love
Cindy

Thanks Cindy

Your are bang on...they do love and accept me and that is why I need to move past it. You have given me a nice perspective on things and it has made me realise that, Yes, it is going to hurt when I am misnamed and mis gendered by my family, but that does not change the fact they love and accept me. Given time the words will come...I move another step forward  ;D

Thanks you all, for your thoughts on this... I hope everyone has a Great Easter

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on April 15, 2017, 08:00:12 pm
I designed and ordered the pins through Zazzle.com but there are some other designs I've bought samples of on their site.

These are the sample ones that you can find on the site. The They/Them/Theirs and He/Him/His pins at the top are two of the ones I did up.  I'm out of She/Her/Hers in the 1 1/2" and am ordering more.

 (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170416/e4d7b6cba16c56717e7e0f9b527c1ac3.jpg)

I carried a bag with the last 50 I ordered in my purse and passed them out to folks.  I may order 100 next time. A little pricy but great icebreakers!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 17, 2017, 06:39:59 pm
So its now 9am and I have been sitting here for nearly 2 hours contemplating the next part of my day.

I am thinking about going out to try again and get my ID changed, this time I am armed with a Legal Document from my home country so hopefully it should do the trick. If it doesn't then I am not sure what I will do but if the licence manager is true to her word that I spoke to last time then it will be fine...I wanted to do the whole lot at the same time, all on the one day but I can't today but I can tomorrow...the reason being the person I need to see at the Medicare office is not there until tomorrow.

I am feeling quite anxious about doing this today(tomorrow I can have some moral support) after the really hard time I got last time I went...partly my own fault though as I didn't have the right paperwork when I thought I did...I listened to what someone told me without checking for myself...dumb I know and something I don't usually do, but I wanted what she told me to be true.

I will go and beautify myself for the day  ;D and if the feeling moves me I might just go and get my licence done today anyway...

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on April 17, 2017, 10:10:52 pm
Go kick some butt, Liz! 😉
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 18, 2017, 12:55:26 am
The feeling to get out and change my name on my licence didn't move me, I spoke to my wife who has agreed to drive me around in the morning as she has the day off...what she doesn't know is we are going out for lunch...time to treat her to a nice lunch and I have just the place in mind...it is an old converted surf club right above the beach on a 50ft cliff...beautiful ocean views, been converted to a really nice restaurant. Been there a few times and the staff have always been hopeless...the food however has been nothing but great.

We also need to get some gifts for a baby shower she is going away to on Friday. I am going to be playing bachelorette for the weekend along with Dog sitting...no matter, don't mind being on my own.  5 years ago I would have been really excited by the prospect of getting to spend a whole weekend "being me" ...now being me is just my life and the weekend is my own.....Hmmm what mischief can I get up to...with the limitations I have...not as much as I would like!!

So all that should be a bit of fun...

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on April 18, 2017, 02:58:33 pm
you party animal!!!!!!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 19, 2017, 01:36:03 am
So off to change my driver licence and my social security details along with my medical details...I have the document they say I need ($180 out of pocket thanks) so I figure I am set. Nothing is ever straight forward and that goes the same for this...despite having the paperwork...they had to have a committee meeting about it all at services SA...Medicare was easier but longer wait. The Lady there was lovely... from them to the Dr's which was a breeze now that I have my new Medicare activated...and lastly the Bank...Not convinced they have it right yet but they made a great effort and I should have my new Cards early next week....

So I still have to do a heap of stuff but none of it urgent...I will fairly soon have all my new ID for the basics, Photo licence, Bank account, Govt agencies...so if I need to I can produce 100 points ID. There a few things I will need to change but not urgently and can be done as they are needed.

All the people I dealt with today were really nice and named me correctly and in one case I was referred to as "that lady" to which I had the opposite reaction, than to hearing "that man".  :D :D  I felt sorry for the young guy at the bank who was being really lovely to me and actually was having a small flirt with me which I thought was cute but he was having a hard time with his computer and everything seemed to take for ever. In the end he sent me on my way and called me a bit later to follow up. 

Very productive day...the hard part is done and with the ID I have now, I can change anything else with ease.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 19, 2017, 01:45:49 am
I felt sorry for the young guy at the bank who was being really lovely to me and actually was having a small flirt with me which I thought was cute but he was having a hard time with his computer and everything seemed to take for ever. In the end he sent me on my way and called me a bit later to follow up. 

Very productive day...the hard part is done and with the ID I have now, I can change anything else with ease.

Liz

  Congrats! Liz, You did it, you are getting new IDs in your chosen name!  Ids that will finally match who you are!
It was a hard won fight and we are proud of you and your tenacity in getting it done. ((( HUG )))  Are you celebrating and basking it the glory of it or waiting until you actually receive those pesky cards?
 
  So he was having a little flirt with you was he? Are you sure it wasn't the other way around and you just didn't want to tell us? Huh? Well?  Which way was it, Miss Liz?  LOl  ;) Just tickling your ribs a bit.

  I am really happy for your accomplishment, Lady. You prove persistence can pay off.

 Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 19, 2017, 03:11:56 am

    So he was having a little flirt with you was he? Are you sure it wasn't the other way around and you just didn't want to tell us? Huh? Well?  Which way was it, Miss Liz?  LOl  ;) Just tickling your ribs a bit.

Hugs,
    Jeanette

I will be honest he started it but I guess I could be held somewhat responsible...maybe a little ;) but he managed to make me blush...no man in this world has ever done that to me before...Hmmmmm Interesting...it was nice, in fact, nicer than I would have imagined and I just responded...I know it was all in fun...but it was nice....and as I said he was cute. I think I should stop now

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 19, 2017, 09:49:15 am
he managed to make me blush...no man in this world has ever done that to me before...Hmmmmm Interesting...it was nice, in fact, nicer than I would have imagined and I just responded...I know it was all in fun...but it was nice....and as I said he was cute. I think I should stop now

Liz

  Uh huh  ;) ;) ;)  LMAO good for you girl.

 Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on April 19, 2017, 01:05:13 pm
Well done girl, another big hurdle sorted. Flirting - see I was right party animal. There I go sense of humour letting me down again. Anyway another well done for you
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 21, 2017, 04:21:38 am
 :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: To my First round of Hair Implants they are now 1 year Old  :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday:
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 22, 2017, 09:02:42 pm
I posted awhile ago about my younger brother who lives in the same town as me and the difficulty I have had with his wife. He told me he had been fuelling his wife's Transphobia by telling her things about me that when put in a certain way make me look like a self centred demanding horrible cow....he has fed this to the point where she won't even be in the same room as me. I said when I posted last time I didn't feel as hurt as I thought I would...I think I was just too numb.

He has been away for 3 weeks and is due back in the next day or so and I have been looking after his place while he has been away. I am not even sure what to do...the things he has said about me are horrible and I don't really want to think about them but for her to hate me so much because of what he has told her....is disgusting. Then on top of all this he told me a story from work and at the end I said that is a pretty racist thing to say...he replied by saying well if that makes me a racist then I am a racist. when I put to him that he really didn't believe the whole race was like the 4 kids he was talking about...he claimed yes it did and if that made him a racist then that is what he is..it got much worse than that but you get the idea...I made a decision a long time ago not to involve those kinds of people in my life and if he wasn't my brother I am not sure I would ever have contact with him, so with his latest transphobic admission I am not sure why I am bothering... 

So by Contrast

My Oldest brother who live in New Zealand called me...he and I have always been close and have never lied to each other or at least I have never lied to him. He asked me some hard question during the early part of my transition and we had some awkward conversations but at the ends of the day he always did it with love and without malice. We have even had some fairly heated arguments about my parents and have not always agreed but have always had each others backs. He is a good guy....

His wife's Mum passed away right around the same time I came out to the world on Facebook and began living full time so he and I have not had a chance to speak for about 4-5 months except today we talked....How is life now that I am Liz fulltime, have my interests changed at all?, How have I been received/treated?, How am I psychologically, Am I happy, etc etc and the whole time he called me Liz and gendered me correctly without so much as missing a beat. I was astonished at how easy he managed to make it sound considering it must have taken quite some effort on his part. I was really touched deeply by this. He used my name with such ease it really made me feel quite normal for the first time in a long time....

What a contrast

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 22, 2017, 10:23:02 pm
  Yes, Liz, What a contrast indeed.  And you are house sitting the mean brother's place why?

 Hugs,
   Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 22, 2017, 11:33:39 pm
  Yes, Liz, What a contrast indeed.  And you are house sitting the mean brother's place why?

 Hugs,
   Jeanette

if I had said no...that would have most likely slammed the door to ever having any kind of relationship...I don't want to lose him...even though he seems a lost cause, he is family...and if I slam that door, I never give him the opportunity to change...he contacted me this morning since he landed back in the country. He will be back anytime within 3 days...so I have at least a day to think about how I will approach this...

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 23, 2017, 12:06:35 am
  Well Liz, I do understand.

  I have a sister that got her nose out of joint over something I said and has cut off all contact with me. She has blocked me from he social media and has disowned me. I don't think what I said warranted such behavior but apparently she did. Such is life. I have even thought of going to see her but wouldn't put it past her to take a shot at me if she saw me on her property. It's sad but I still love her like I love all my sisters. She even quit making her annual Thanksgiving visit to us even though she knows she is welcome here. So she punishes my sister Karen over her feud with me.
  Family... yes I understand, Liz.

  I hope you can address your particular family issues and come to a workable understanding. An apology would be wonderful but from what you've told us I doubt that is likely. I'm sorry for you Liz.

  You can always come here and have a cry on our collective shoulders. Or you can PM any number of us if you need a little more intimate of a shoulder to cry on.  We are here for you, Liz

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 23, 2017, 12:19:24 am
He Jeanette

I won't shed any more tears for him...this is his loss. I am going on with my life and am not going to be dwelling on his pettiness. If he wants to come and sit and be a real human being then he can...up until then ....well  ces't la vie

This is more about a strategy to keep the door open but away from me LOL He has wasted far more of my energy than I should have allowed, so now I am about management or in this case "containment"  ;D

Would love to come and see you all but never to cry on anyone's shoulder, would sooner be getting a makeover

Liz


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JeanetteLW on April 23, 2017, 12:24:25 am
Would love to come and see you all but never to cry on anyone's shoulder, would sooner be getting a makeover

Liz

    aaaaarrrrrrgg
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on April 23, 2017, 02:58:17 pm
Oooh you girls crease me up , that made my day.









DONT FORGET THAT MAKE OVER
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 01, 2017, 03:16:22 am
I want to keep posting in this same thread because I want to document this next part of my journey. GCS/SRS

So ever since that last awful discussion I had with my "Psychiatrist" the one good thing to come out of it was that he told me I should get onto organising my surgery as the waiting list is long. Since then I have been mulling over that decision. I spoke to my wife about it again and she says she understands and expected it. It makes perfect sense in her eyes. She really didn't have much more than that to say. We have discussed it in the past in more detail and she has not changed her views one bit. If that is what I need to do then that is what I need to do. Right ..well...I will then  ;D

So yesterday I set the ball rolling and I need to fly interstate for my first appointment with the surgeon in Melbourne. I will go and have the first consult which will be sometime in July or August. I have provided 8 dates for appointments and am just waiting for a confirmation from one on one of them so I can book the airfares...another $200 added to the bill just getting to the appointment.

My choices are very limited if I follow my specialists advice...My specialist has asked that I remain in Australia for GCS so he can be involved in taking care of my chronic condition. I haven't made up my mind yet but I have a feeling this is going to be far more expensive here and I don't think I can afford to stay here. I won't even be able to pin anyone down on price until I see the surgeon. But it is a starting point...I have some funds but...yeah...Anyway need to see what we are up against.

I welcome everyone's input
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: AnonyMs on May 01, 2017, 04:27:54 am
I believe Andy Ives is around $13K for Australians. Cheaper than Thailand.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 01, 2017, 04:30:51 am
Thanks AnonyMs

Yep I can do 13K...it will stretch me but I can do it

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on May 01, 2017, 03:33:33 pm
Glad its in your grasp, I have to wait till the NHS gets its a** in gear, say HELLO to the rellis down under (cant remember exactly were they are!!) God I just knocked cheese all over the key board , the whiskey tooth pain killers kicking in XXX Davina feeling squiffy
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 06, 2017, 05:29:13 am
Finally some good news on the electrolysis front...we are now talking about the end game...I need 1 injection session to finish my top lip. One for my bottom lip and chin , one for my neck...after 5 weeks ofno electrolysis, I grew out my beard for a full for 7 days and I have I had a bit of new growth but very very little considering the amount of time...My electrologist is thinking we will be down to about 20 minutes per session after we have completed the next 3-4 hours...I could be done in as little as 2 months...I have 3 x1 hour injection sessions left this month plus I have also added an additional 3x20 minute session to go after secondary growth in particular so she can keep the current down So within 3 weeks I will have done 4 hours which should be just about enough to finish me off...and move to weekly maintenance.

Accidentally deleted this post
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 06, 2017, 05:31:12 am
Today I received my First appointment with Dr Ives for GCS in Melbourne which is another City from here so I immediately booked and paid for the flights...got return airfares Adel to Melb $145 normally quite a bit dearer than that....so it begins

This I thought I had been posted and discovered I had deleted it
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 06, 2017, 05:32:33 am
I have been investigating the various SRS options open to me and it would seem that my first instinct is correct and that Dr Ives in Melbourne is my best bet. After investigating further I have come to the a gut wrenchingly awful realisation that I may not be able to afford this. I don't work and I have money from a payout that I was thinking I could use and I even had the cost pretty right with the exception of one and that was for the health insurance...It will cost me extra that I just don't have without putting us in a seriously bad financial situation...

I am a bit numb...in order to be able to afford the gap payments I need private health insurance which is going to be  at a minimum 6k...I will be able to get a good part of my travel costs covered but there are always out of pocket expenses to go along.

I am going to go along to see Dr Ives and find out how much this will all cost me down to the last $$...but I doubt I can afford as much as I need...of course!

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 06, 2017, 02:49:16 pm
I have been investigating the various SRS options open to me and it would seem that my first instinct is correct and that Dr Ives in Melbourne is my best bet. After investigating further I have come to the a gut wrenchingly awful realisation that I may not be able to afford this. I don't work and I have money from a payout that I was thinking I could use and I even had the cost pretty right with the exception of one and that was for the health insurance...It will cost me extra that I just don't have without putting us in a seriously bad financial situation...

I am a bit numb...in order to be able to afford the gap payments I need private health insurance which is going to be  at a minimum 6k...I will be able to get a good part of my travel costs covered but there are always out of pocket expenses to go along.

I am going to go along to see Dr Ives and find out how much this will all cost me down to the last $$...but I doubt I can afford as much as I need...of course!

Liz

  Ouch Liz,

  I'm sure that is difficult news to swallow. You are finally ready to get the show on the road and you hit another snag. That has to be a let down.  Have you looked into other possible means of help? Some sort of fund or financial aid?  I have no idea what or even if such things are available but it's worth looking into.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on May 06, 2017, 03:33:39 pm
I know how you feel , same boat here choice between HRT or electrolysis whilst waiting for the free ones if I can afford either . Lots of local salons for the face burn but £40 + an hour I would rather pay 45 a month for HRT. If I win the lotto tonight will send you a sub (but fat chance of that happening as my birth horoscope said I will always get by but never rich XX D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 06, 2017, 06:58:43 pm
  Ouch Liz,

  I'm sure that is difficult news to swallow. You are finally ready to get the show on the road and you hit another snag. That has to be a let down.  Have you looked into other possible means of help? Some sort of fund or financial aid?  I have no idea what or even if such things are available but it's worth looking into.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

I don't know Laurie

I just don't know...I have been trying not to think about it too much until I can see what the cost will be. I have also been toying with the idea of Cosmetic v full vaginoplasty but even that seems a bit pointless. I am sure there will be a difference in cost but that will not be the deciding factor...who knows maybe in the end it will. I will have to see if there is any kind of assistance available here in Australia but I somehow doubt it. I have to find a way past this...I have too...
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 06, 2017, 07:02:08 pm
I know how you feel , same boat here choice between HRT or electrolysis whilst waiting for the free ones if I can afford either . Lots of local salons for the face burn but £40 + an hour I would rather pay 45 a month for HRT. If I win the lotto tonight will send you a sub (but fat chance of that happening as my birth horoscope said I will always get by but never rich XX D

I may well be reduced to getting my begging cup out unless I can find some funds....good luck with that lotto win ;D ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on May 07, 2017, 04:48:53 pm
Sorry not this week only 1 no
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on May 08, 2017, 12:57:19 pm
Sorry to here you're struggling with the cost Liz. I've been trying to budget electrolysis and it just seems way out of my reach for now, so I know how frustrating it all can be.

I think us ladies need to get down to the bingo hall for that full house and a gossip :)

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 09, 2017, 12:46:00 am
 
  Liz,

   I have faith that you will figure something out somehow. We can't have you go on indefinitely like you are now. That just won't do. Something will turn up.

  No return call from the electrologist today for me. Perhaps tomorrow. It bodes well for a procrastinator such as myself.

 Hugs,
   Laurie

 Edit:  Okay seems I lied. The electrologist did call back and I missed it.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 09, 2017, 08:16:00 am
Thank you all for your kind words. I will find out the final figures when I see the surgeon on the 29th August. If it is more than I have then I will just have to seek out alternative ways to fund it. I don't work which makes it all a bit harder anyway will wait and see....
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 10, 2017, 04:00:51 am
Yesterday was Electrolysis day and the aim was to do the top lip and give it the final full clearance somewhere around an hours work maybe a fraction more. My appointment is always at a1pm on  Tuesday and the Dr I get the injections from is always running rate. Normally it about 12:45 before we start the injections because she is busy. By the time she does them and I get into the car drive for 2 minutes to the Electrologists and park I have maybe a couple of minutes to wait for her and then we are away.

So yesterday we were doing the top lip...I arrive at 12 :15 injection appointment time and instead of having to wait the half an hour like usual she saw me immediately. The injections were really quite painful into the top lip but she did a great job and I was really numb. By about 20 Past 12 we were done which is really early for a 1pm Electrology appointment...off I went to the Electrologist and as luck would have it she was running late by 10 minutes so it was 50 minutes from injection until we could start and because the injections don't have adrenaline in them they do not last all that long, about an hour or so and then they start to drop off rapidly. By the time we sat down the lidocaine had peaked and was beginning the start wearing off. I managed 35 Minutes only with very limited anaesthetic so didn't get the clearance completed.

Next week the electrologist has booked me in 15 minutes after the injections are due(Rather than the time she normally books) because she knows if she can get working on the area for another solid hour she will clear it...I always new these appointments were going to be difficult to co-ordinate and this is the first one that has been screwed up by circumstances...Dr was very efficient and could not delay and to compound things the Electrologist was running 10 minutes late....Oh well these things happen.

I have a short 20 minute session this Friday (no injections for this one) to help clear up the remnants of what is left on my cheek. This is part of my determined attempt to get to matinenenace stage within the next month where about 30 minutes clears the entire face, talking maybe 3-4 hours max to get to that stage. I have the final session on my lip next Tuesday then nothing for a couple of weeks whilst I head off for my reunion

Speaking of which spent about 30 minutes running through some outfit choices for my little "Holiday" on the Gold Coast. I have a BBQ, water sports, Dinner, Shopping and flying to take care of. I usually have my own fashion guru with me but this time she is staying home .

It should be a blast...time for a new colour in my hair before I go and maybe even a style and cut...we will see...maybe even a makeover(EH! Laurie....as in Truck) although my wallet is still reeling after the last one.

I am continuing with the voice therapy and seem to have found my "voice" Pitching around 180 and easy to keep the chest resonance out...I find it so difficult to work out my pitch as Magic Stave tends not to pick up much unless it is the first part and last part of the word so not exactly giving an average pitch reading. Anyway will keep working on it and see how I go.

So that is all for now...Will keep working on my voice and my Electrology ;D

Liz     
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 10, 2017, 09:34:58 am
 Hi Liz

   Truck here. Sorry to hear you got to feel the electrologist at work. I don't understand why you didn't manage your time better. It is really unfair to put the blame on poor old circumstance. 35 minutes huh? tsk tsk tsk  Next time bring a bite block with you and let the poor lady get her work done. Speaking of electrologist... I returned the missed called from one here and left another message. Still no callback as of this morning.
  Going to a BBQ? Going to have a little shrimp on the barbie? That sounds good but not for my breakfast. I'll have to think about it for another time. I'm currently working on ingredients for some curry dish. Perhaps you can help.. when the recipe calls for 3 whole cardamom is it 3 pods or 3 of the seeds inside the pods? At $45.99/lb it matters.. I have to go to one of those designer grocery stores just to find some.
  Voice lessons? I hope it's helping. Honestly don't think it will for me. I guess I will find out.

   So are you saying those "M" word things are expensive? More reason not to explore the matter further. Yes, I know I said let me work on going outside in broad daylight first. And yes I did do that once by going to my therapy session en femme yesterday but I assure you it was an accident. I didn't mean too but I was strangely all dressed with a dusting of makeup and no time to change. I'm thinking you hexed me somehow... hired an aboriginal sorcerer?

  Hoping you have a great trip and a lot of carefree fun
 Love,
  Laurie


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on May 10, 2017, 02:46:26 pm
 Just love a Barbie, dress for flying ? Are you going as Tinkerbelle or Amy Johnson ??????
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 11, 2017, 12:31:28 am
Just love a Barbie, dress for flying ? Are you going as Tinkerbelle or Amy Johnson ??????

Tinkerbell now that would get the gate Officers in a tizz..as it is, I set off the metal detectors when I go through because of my pump...it doesn't just give a gentle beep either...The BBQ will be the first time any of us have seen each other in 30+ years...
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 11, 2017, 12:52:20 am

  Voice lessons? I hope it's helping. Honestly don't think it will for me. I guess I will find out.

So are you saying those "M" word things are expensive? More reason not to explore the matter further. Yes, I know I said let me work on going outside in broad daylight first. And yes I did do that once by going to my therapy session en femme yesterday but I assure you it was an accident. I didn't mean too but I was strangely all dressed with a dusting of makeup and no time to change. I'm thinking you hexed me somehow... hired an aboriginal sorcerer?

  Hoping you have a great trip and a lot of carefree fun
 Love,
  Laurie

Oh Heck yes have a crack at the voice lessons. I didn't think I had any hope of sounding any better than the worst caricature I have ever heard...but as I am not trying to get ot the 200-210 pitch but the lower end of the female Pitch I sound very similar and when I pitch up to 160-170 my wife didn't realise anything other than the smoother and slightly higher pitch Other thing is I could have it all screwed up and be pitching wrong but I don't think so.

Yes makeover costs can be expensive, if you promise not to tell I will give you a rough idea of  how much I spent...lets just say it was well over $400...there is an expectation that you will buy the products and some places will charge you but then take that charge off the cost of the product you buy...I did mine with Mac who are super trans friendly and don't test on Animals ...no charge but an expectation I would buy some stuff....I have heard good things about Sephora..

Next week end the 19th should be a blast....and I know nothing of cardamom seeds or pods. I normally have bacon and eggs on my breaky BBQ...

Better get my skates on as I am heading out for yet another Dr's appointment to find out about my arthritic knee and Hip...I am yet to beautify myself or run a brush through my hair(that in itself can be a project)...so better get a move on

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on May 11, 2017, 03:38:52 am
Hmm, all the makeovers I've had have been free, I like to add a little tip though and possibly buy any product I liked, but that's it. The only caveat is that they are usually done in quit public stores.
I've never had a salon makeover, I'm guessing that sort of pampering is quite expensive, would like some lessons though so I might indulge one day.

Good luck at the docs Liz.

Cardamons are little seed pods, just use them whole and remove them when you're ready to serve your culinary masterpiece. They are cheap and usually found in the spice aisle. I tend to leave them in though, but it's an acquired taste.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 11, 2017, 06:21:09 pm
Hmm, all the makeovers I've had have been free, I like to add a little tip though and possibly buy any product I liked, but that's it. The only caveat is that they are usually done in quit public stores.
I've never had a salon makeover, I'm guessing that sort of pampering is quite expensive, would like some lessons though so I might indulge one day.

Good luck at the docs Liz.

Cardamons are little seed pods, just use them whole and remove them when you're ready to serve your culinary masterpiece. They are cheap and usually found in the spice aisle. I tend to leave them in though, but it's an acquired taste.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Hi Sadie

Mine was free and out in the open(Psst...don't tell Laurie ;)), had a little group of onlookers by the end  I said to the woman as we sat down, that I wanted a complete look that I could wear day and then ramp up for night without it taking huge amounts of additional time. She did exactly that and showed me how to apply each product including a cheat sheet of exactly which product went where. This is before I even spent $1 with her. She was great and I was there for nearly 2 hours and at the end she asked if I wanted any of the products that she had tried on me and I said yes I will take the lot. Her eyes just about bugged out of her head. :D :D

I am still using this makeup and will be for another year at least. Being really high quality a little goes a long way and I know the colours are right for me...I loved the experience and spent far more money that I should have. I don't regret it as I use the products all the time and they feel great on... ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 11, 2017, 06:42:10 pm
Hi Sadie

Mine was free and out in the open(Psst...don't tell Laurie ;)), had a little group of onlookers by the end 

 ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 11, 2017, 06:58:50 pm
Today was going to be a 20-30 Electrolysis session to clean up my cheek a bit more. I shaved on Monday so by now I would normally have enough growth for that to happen. On Tuesday when I showed the Electrologist she was sceptical that there would be enough growth by today. She TXT me last night to see how I was going and I told her I couldn't really see properly and would let her know in the daylight today...

So yes there is hair there to work on but it is spread over a large area and is very sparse...there is also the much finer secondary growth which after only 4 days is still way too short to work with...I can see it but that is looking in a magnifying mirror...I really struggle to see it with my glasses on...

So finally after nearly 12 months HRT with 10 months at full transitional dose my hair is finally starting to slow on my body and my face...I "felt" it was and noticed it about a week ago but wasn't sure. I did have a bit of a slow down awhile ago but this is much more obvious to me... :icon_dance: :icon_dance:

Bummer I can't have work done today :( ...no problem really...I have another Lip session on Tuesday which will be 6 days to grow it in,  it is mainly secondary growth which is really slow YaY!...kind of. With the timings now sorted out so there is at most 5 minutes between delivery of the injections and starting Electrolysis work...If it works well this next time, then she will clear what ever is left of my top lip and start work on my cheek...

HRT.... I love ya work  ;D ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 11, 2017, 06:59:40 pm
::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)

Sprung!!!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 15, 2017, 06:45:05 pm
Today is day 365 since starting HRT....and how am I going to celebrate that..well, I thought I might go and get some hair blasted off my face for an hour after my Dr has stuck my top lip full of needles for the second time in as many weeks...it just all went wrong last week....I can only hope we are back on track today....There is only a 15 minute window between Injections and Electrolysis...so should have plenty of numbing power to get me through one of these tough sessions...last week it was nearly 45 minutes between injection and start of treatment...Injections ran early and my Tech ran late...worst possible combination...then I didn't have enough growth on Friday for a top up session. Hope today is better as it is the only injection appointment I can get for this month the second one cancelled yesterday.

Been an insightful week...spoke with my Parents on Mothers day via Skype with my wife and girls as well. My mother tried really hard not use my old name of any pronouns, she did a great job and wanted to chat to me about what clothes I was taking on my trip this weekend, my father tried to rudely put a stop to that conversation, My Mum just glared at him...Oh hell!!!, you don't want to be on the end of one of those looks...my father bulldozed his way like normal, not even making an effort not to misname or misgender me for the entire call. But my Mother made a very special effort and I could feel it and hear it. I am so happy that she is starting to get some ease around this and we are starting to talk.

One of my daughters got really peeved with my Dad misgendering me and loudly and with emphasis used "she and her" pronouns at every opportunity she could. I could see my father flinch each time she used it and it made me inwardly smile wryly ( if not a little sickly) When the call finished my Wife and both daughters were livid with my father for his transphobic display...a long time ago he spat at me that both he my mother would never use anything but the name and pronouns I was born with. But my mother is not like that, my mother is really trying.... I really want to shut him out for awhile but I do not want to do anything to jeopardise the progress my mum has made...so I may have to work on Dad in a different way...hmmm not sure, will have to give it some thought. If I leave Mum alone she will get there, I am confident of that.


Heading off on Friday for the reunion and have been eating truckload of humble pie as the mess of stuff I am taking grows exponentially each day...I have 23kg of Luggage room...which you would think should be enough for 2 days  ;D I will make it fit...The excitement levels for the reunion are ever increasing and many of these people knew me 25 years ago and I have not seen them since my last day working with them. It is going to be a full on few days and should be a hoot.

Time to get ready for my fun filled Electrolysis session :)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 15, 2017, 08:54:44 pm
 Hey Liz,

  It is so sad to have a family member act like such a donkeys backside, Something like having one believe god can fix you. Yeah, sad.
  I am glad you have your mother making the effort for you and you are right sometimes you just cannot push if you want to win them over. Some just have to arrive at that destination on their own.

  I not going into your self imposed facial torture efforts. Like Shy I have my own demons to confront on Thursday I will be there armed for battle."We shall overcome"  though it will be "The long and winding road"

  Just relax, close that bag even if you have to sit on it and run off to your soire. And most important girl....
     ENJOY YOURSELF.

 Hugs,
    Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: BeverlyAnn on May 16, 2017, 02:16:55 pm

Been an insightful week...spoke with my Parents on Mothers day via Skype with my wife and girls as well. My mother tried really hard not use my old name of any pronouns, she did a great job and wanted to chat to me about what clothes I was taking on my trip this weekend, my father tried to rudely put a stop to that conversation, My Mum just glared at him...Oh hell!!!, you don't want to be on the end of one of those looks...my father bulldozed his way like normal, not even making an effort not to misname or misgender me for the entire call. But my Mother made a very special effort and I could feel it and hear it. I am so happy that she is starting to get some ease around this and we are starting to talk.

One of my daughters got really peeved with my Dad misgendering me and loudly and with emphasis used "she and her" pronouns at every opportunity she could. I could see my father flinch each time she used it and it made me inwardly smile wryly ( if not a little sickly) When the call finished my Wife and both daughters were livid with my father for his transphobic display...a long time ago he spat at me that both he my mother would never use anything but the name and pronouns I was born with. But my mother is not like that, my mother is really trying.... I really want to shut him out for awhile but I do not want to do anything to jeopardise the progress my mum has made...so I may have to work on Dad in a different way...hmmm not sure, will have to give it some thought. If I leave Mum alone she will get there, I am confident of that.

I sent you an email concerning this.

Hugs,
Bev
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 17, 2017, 04:53:57 am
Hey Liz,

 ........ It is so sad to have a family member act like such a donkeys backside, Something like having one believe god can fix you. Yeah, sad.
  I am glad you have your mother making the effort for you and you are right sometimes you just cannot push if you want to win them over. Some just have to arrive at that destination on their own......

   Hugs,
    Laurie

Hi Laurie

To be perfectly honest I am a bit fed up with it. I am not going to keep interacting with him in ways that will hurt me. At some point he needs to either believe I am a woman and move on or don't believe it and stay out of my life. He is the only one that can make that choice. I don't have to listen to being misnamed and misgendered and the next time it happens I will ask him to try a bit harder not too. I will work with him and help in any way I can, but very soon it will be 2 years since I came out to him and my patience for this stuff is wearing thin. Anyway enough about that about a much more fun topic Electrolysis

Yesterday I had another 40 minutes on my top lip along the edge of my nose and along my scar line and the corners along the lip line

The upper lip injection effectiveness was very limited...Early in the session I felt next to nothing but within 15 minutes the effectiveness had halved..whilst I could still feel the sting it was tolerable, We were going really well and hit the 35 minute mark and she had already done along under my nose skipping my scar and down along the corner lip line and higher up either side of my nose. She did my scar line and my eyes began at the same time as my nose and within 2 minutes I was shuddering involuntarily...she got maybe half them done and then called the session at the 40 minute mark...I love Electrolysis (Gritted teeth)

Been slowly working out what I am taking way for the weekend...can do it on 3 outfits with mix and match options that will cover everything from the casual BBQ to the formal Diner. Everyone has said how much they are looking for ward to catching up so it should be fun. Will spend tomorrow packing and going over and over what I am taking adding and culling all day....think I better make a list!!!

Went for my Laser treatment today...and there are only two main area's need working on...horseshoe shape,sq imagine the top of the bend in the horseshoe rests on my chin and then goes either side down towards the bottom of my neck and then slightly out...everywhere else is looking "pretty clear". She said 8-10 weeks for my next one if I need it...I didn't have the heart to tell her it would be long gone in 8-10 weeks as Electrolysis will have taken care of it...She has wiped out all but one(she couldn't see it) dark hair on my top lip with Electrolysis...she gave it a couple o

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 17, 2017, 05:11:43 am
 :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday:

I'm throwing a virtual 1 year HRT party and you are all virtually invited...  :icon_geekdance: :icon_geekdance:


snip......

In about June of last year I came to Susans and was in an absolute mess. The only future I could see, was me ending up in a pine box. I found here friendly, helpful and sane(in the most part) people. Thank you Susan for this site, you do a fantastic job at keeping us safe, among other things. Thank you to the moderators who do a fantastic job and thank you to each and every one of you that responded to my posts, you all helped me to find a way through the fog.

One other thing though, I keep finding myself grinning like a fool for no apparent reason...wonder why that could be. :D :D ;)

Liz K

This is part of the post I made 12 months ago after taking my first dose of HRT...just hoping anything would help me deal with my Dysphoria...which has alwasy been my main goal..to deal with my Dysphoria and do whatever it took to make it stop...It is possibly one of the smartest things I have ever done for myself in my life.

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 17, 2017, 09:39:47 am
:icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday:

I'm throwing a virtual 1 year HRT party and you are all virtually invited...  :icon_geekdance: :icon_geekdance:


This is part of the post I made 12 months ago after taking my first dose of HRT...just hoping anything would help me deal with my Dysphoria...which has always been my main goal..to deal with my Dysphoria and do whatever it took to make it stop...It is possibly one of the smartest things I have ever done for myself in my life.

Liz

  Hi Liz,

  Cool  flashback. 

  Speaking of electro torture... I am growing out for my first visit to let Christina do her thing Thursday. It's been 2 days and I'm itchy and ready to shave, been ready. I can see the whiskers okay now and as I suspected (wasn't sure) I can see no darker hairs. Not a single one, so laser would not be an option. I guess Christina and I will have a long term relationship starting tomorrow. Oh the joy. :-(

  Hugs,
    Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 17, 2017, 09:49:08 am
Today is day 365 since starting HRT....and how am I going to celebrate that..well, I thought I might go and get some hair blasted off my face for an hour after my Dr has stuck my top lip full of needles for the second time in as many weeks...it just all went wrong last week....I can only hope we are back on track today....There is only a 15 minute window between Injections and Electrolysis...so should have plenty of numbing power to get me through one of these tough sessions...last week it was nearly 45 minutes between injection and start of treatment...Injections ran early and my Tech ran late...worst possible combination...then I didn't have enough growth on Friday for a top up session. Hope today is better as it is the only injection appointment I can get for this month the second one cancelled yesterday.

Been an insightful week...spoke with my Parents on Mothers day via Skype with my wife and girls as well. My mother tried really hard not use my old name of any pronouns, she did a great job and wanted to chat to me about what clothes I was taking on my trip this weekend, my father tried to rudely put a stop to that conversation, My Mum just glared at him...Oh hell!!!, you don't want to be on the end of one of those looks...my father bulldozed his way like normal, not even making an effort not to misname or misgender me for the entire call. But my Mother made a very special effort and I could feel it and hear it. I am so happy that she is starting to get some ease around this and we are starting to talk.

One of my daughters got really peeved with my Dad misgendering me and loudly and with emphasis used "she and her" pronouns at every opportunity she could. I could see my father flinch each time she used it and it made me inwardly smile wryly ( if not a little sickly) When the call finished my Wife and both daughters were livid with my father for his transphobic display...a long time ago he spat at me that both he my mother would never use anything but the name and pronouns I was born with. But my mother is not like that, my mother is really trying.... I really want to shut him out for awhile but I do not want to do anything to jeopardise the progress my mum has made...so I may have to work on Dad in a different way...hmmm not sure, will have to give it some thought. If I leave Mum alone she will get there, I am confident of that.


Heading off on Friday for the reunion and have been eating truckload of humble pie as the mess of stuff I am taking grows exponentially each day...I have 23kg of Luggage room...which you would think should be enough for 2 days  ;D I will make it fit...The excitement levels for the reunion are ever increasing and many of these people knew me 25 years ago and I have not seen them since my last day working with them. It is going to be a full on few days and should be a hoot.

Time to get ready for my fun filled Electrolysis session :)

Oooo your brave :)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on May 17, 2017, 10:36:33 am
A virtual cake coming your way ;D

             ' ' ' ' '
             l l l l l
       @@@@@@@
     [**H a P p Y ** ]
     [ B i R t H d A y ]
     [****L I Z ****]
     @@@@@@@@@
              )   (
            [____]

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 17, 2017, 05:45:47 pm
A virtual cake coming your way ;D

             ' ' ' ' '
             l l l l l
       @@@@@@@
     [**H a P p Y ** ]
     [ B i R t H d A y ]
     [****L I Z ****]
     @@@@@@@@@
              )   (
            [____]

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Thanks Sadie

Just what I need more virtual calories  :D

Let me grab some forks and plates...everyone have a drink?...good now who's for cake?
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 17, 2017, 05:54:02 pm
Thanks Sadie

Just what I need more virtual calories  :D

Let me grab some forks and plates...everyone have a drink?...good now who's for cake?

 (Raising hands and waving frantically)

 ME ! ME! ME! I want some!!  My blood sugar isn't too high yet. I want cake! and cookie and ice cream and...


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 17, 2017, 05:58:45 pm
  Hi Liz,

  Cool  flashback. 

  Speaking of electro torture... I am growing out for my first visit to let Christina do her thing Thursday. It's been 2 days and I'm itchy and ready to shave, been ready. I can see the whiskers okay now and as I suspected (wasn't sure) I can see no darker hairs. Not a single one, so laser would not be an option. I guess Christina and I will have a long term relationship starting tomorrow. Oh the joy. :-(

  Hugs,
    Laurie

So it must be Wednesday evening for you then...I really hope you breeze in their and find that you can tolerate it really well and end up more bored than anything else. It will be a bit uncomfortable and growing out that first time is not much fun. It will give your Electrologist a better chance of seeing what the entire job entails. Why don't you take some Photo's for yourself so you have something to compare to in a few months when you don't feel like you are making progress...will make you feel better when you can see and compare.

I got zapped again yesterday by laser and I can see where it has finally taken out a number of patches of stubborn black, hairs...wow you know when the thing is working...when it fires and there is no hair, I can't feel it...the moment it zaps a hair I can feel it and when it hit a couple of clusters of a few hairs I could feel the difference.

I am about to go off and start my pack for tomorrow...get it all out check it off and pack it....will be back later this afternoon if I have time.

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 17, 2017, 06:01:11 pm
Oooo your brave :)

Don't know about brave....the word stupid springs to mind this morning, unprepared is another, you could throw terrified in there.....just to get the ball rolling

I guess I will do what I normally do and that is just get on with it... ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on May 17, 2017, 06:03:30 pm
Happy Transiversary Liz! Hope you had a lovely celebration. Lisa
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 17, 2017, 06:06:01 pm
(Raising hands and waving frantically)

 ME ! ME! ME! I want some!!  My blood sugar isn't too high yet. I want cake! and cookie and ice cream and...

I wonder how high we could get it...your blood sugars...so Ice cream, cream, nuts , chocolate sprinkle...a little dusting of gold flake and there you have it.....should have you zipping along
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 17, 2017, 06:06:52 pm
Happy Transiversary Liz! Hope you had a lovely celebration. Lisa

Thanks Lisa it was a "Blast"  ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 17, 2017, 08:41:06 pm
I wonder how high we could get it...your blood sugars...so Ice cream, cream, nuts , chocolate sprinkle...a little dusting of gold flake and there you have it.....should have you zipping along

 Yes, yes, num num num num I love deserts.

 Thanks, Liz
  Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 27, 2017, 08:19:11 am
Liz’s reunion caper

I flew out to the Gold coast for this reunion last Friday the 19th. This is my first time fulltime being on my own flying, navigating airport security, crowded airports and the like…I don’t mind flying but hate all the mucking about that is involved.

Got showered dressed, looking good, bit of light makeup, nervous, excited! I picked up my handbag, grabbed my suitcase, only to hear a loud SNAP!, the wheel had just broken on my suitcase. (Great…why not). Dilemma…rush back in and change suit case?...then run late for check-in or drag bag in and out of Airport etc etc. Decided I would just have to suck it up! Did I pack light??? No way, I did have 23kg to use after all…(sigh!) Arrive at the airport with a  good amount of time to get through check-in and security. Usual full body search stuff due to my implanted medication pump…sigh!! Tedious!

As I walked out the doors of the Gold Coast Airport to get my suitcase, the first thing I hear is a woman yelling “There she is” and was met by three of my old nursing girlfriends. They were wearing party decoration hats with heart shaped glasses, twirling banners and holding a heart shaped chalk sign that read “Liz’s ‘Trans’ port”….I couldn’t help myself and burst out laughing. That set the tone for the weekend.

They (about 20 of us) were all really great but the whole weekend was spent talking in context of when I was “Him”. I was misnamed on several occasions, however more so misgendered but this was in circumstances that were difficult not to, because of the context and possibly several glasses of booze. I don’t drink, so of course I really noticed, far more than they did. Even as affected as many of them were they managed on the most part to include me and use my name and pronouns. However I hear a couple of them refer to me in male pronouns when I wasn’t supposed to be  in earshot. On the whole though they were really respectful making few mistakes and these were after a few drinks. How they behaved toward me overall was as important and that was as a woman. I was always included in the girl talk and definitely excluded from the guy talk …which was an absolute relief. Had so many laughs…shed a few tears also but mainly laughs.

One thing that did drive me crazy was that one entire wall of the living area of our apartment was  floor to ceiling mirrors…this is where the group spent 90% of their time, the room I slept in had a wall of mirrors as well…full body shots is something I usually avoid…not this time.

Earlier in the week my wife and I had spent some time putting together some outfits for the time I was away. Saturday night we are heading off to diner and I was going to be wearing a Blue and white horizontal tripe tunic dress with leggings and knee high boots finished short style black cardigan. As the afternoon progresses and it get closer to the time to get ready a close friend of mine arrives whom I haven’t seen in like 5 years and she is wearing the exact same outfit except her dress is ankle length and so are her boots….OMG what are the chances Just as well I hadn’t changed fully!!!

Plan B
Handkerchief skirt and top combo, Black with silver pattern along the bottom edge, combined with knee boots and coral cardigan, minimal makeup(it was muggy so kept sliding off anyway) but with a nice plum coloured lipstick. Looking good and feeling great went out for a fabulous night of laughs and good conversation.

By Sunday morning I was dreading the trip back to Adelaide my dysphoria had kicked off early morning, airports are not my favourite places. I have an implanted medical device which sets off the alarm and they sometimes over react because of the really strong signal it gives. I got through Adelaide and Gold Coast Airports but it was not without incident.

On the whole I really enjoyed the trip and loved the time I spent with my old colleagues. The misgendering by my nursing friends was in the context of telling stories that included me/him but still got to me in the end. Everyone slipped up at least once with me and some more than others but I only detected genuine slips and not a rudeness thing. I really felt like the entire airport was staring at me especially when I got my usual full body search after setting off the scanners. It’s like having a neon sign above your head saying “ Would all those people with nothing to look at please Look Here” So I found a quiet place to sit and tried to make myself as invisible as possible.

One thing I did not expect was the whole Toilet thing, I know Adelaide, I know where safe Toilets are. I know where they are in proximity to places I go. I know I have the law on my side…but I do not want the hassle nor embarrassment. But in the end I just went as and when I needed.
 
When I arrived back in Adelaide and I saw my wife and burst into tears…it took me quite an effort to bet myself back under control. I got upset and had been really out of sorts ever since, Hence why it has taken so long for me to post this. It came down to a few things…I was misgendered and misnamed more times in those 36 hours than ever before and it was very hard to take.  I know these people at my reunion respected me and most did not intentionally try to misname or misgender me but that also did not stop it happening nor feeling really horrible because it was happening what fel like constantly…in reality it was mainly Friday night as the booze flowed. It also has a cumulative effect, with an abundance of mirrors and my Dysphoria was really singing along by Sunday morning.

I think the most confusing thing for me was that I had enjoyed myself so much yet managed to experience some pretty awful Dysphoria especially from Sunday right through until Thursday.

Hormones? Maybe, I will get them checked as soon as my blood form arrives. I saw my Psychologist on Friday and we discussed this at length. Her thoughts were pretty darn simple…all that misgendering triggered my Dysphoria and since it was being compounded by the continual (but accidental) misgendering the relief from it never occurred until I left. When I arrived home and saw my wife I was able to release some of that pent up stress as I tried to make sense of my feelings about the weekend. I tried to tell my therapist that the real problem was I was just going to have to accept that I would live my days out as a non-passing Trans woman…her response “How do you know you don’t pass. What evidence was presented to you that told you directly that you don’t pass …I hate it when she beats me with logic!!!   

She promptly gave me some “homework and a swift but positive kick in the slats”   She pointed out that  for most cis people flying and navigating airports is stressful enough, but add to this the reunion, my hassles with security due to my implant, my desire not to be singled out in any way, oh yeah and did I mention I was trans,  add to this I spent the weekend talking , about “him”, to people who I have not seen for 30 years…yeah there could be stress.  Maybe a case could be made that my feelings were actually not so out of the ordinary. 

The most surprising thing to me is that my dysphoria is still capable of taking me to emotional places that I don’t want to go. So I am working on that and the misgendering. I am running a diary for me to see if between my psychologist and I we can’t work out some better coping strategies than the ones I have, which were essentially, none!

PS: Hey Laurie (waves back)
 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Devlyn on May 27, 2017, 08:34:29 am
Big hug! What a roller coaster ride. I have to ask, though:

"...and I was going to be wearing a Blue and white horizontal stripe tunic dress..."


Is that dress blue or gold?    >:-)    <running away>

Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on May 27, 2017, 09:09:04 am
Wow, Liz!  That was quite an experience, between the travel, security, first time meeting old friends as yourself, and all while away from the comfortable places you are normally in. 

I'm not surprised at the misgendering, alas.  They knew 'him' for years, and you for hours, and it will take time for them to re-learn how to easily refer to you.  Combine the misgendering with the immersion in your past, with the strange apartment and the mirrors, and you've got a recipe for dysphoria being triggered.

Rough trips, but you made it, survived, and are back home in your 'safe place' with your support network to catch you.  Honestly, you did pretty darn well.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on May 27, 2017, 10:25:58 am
Sounds like a wild journey Liz. But hey, you did it and made it back in one piece.
It took a lot of courage to do what you did, meeting people you haven't seen in years. Even cis people find reunions stressful so they were all probably feeling a little awkward too.
Hope the dysphoria lifts soon, sounds like you're already working through it. I'm sure when it calms you'll remember all the good bits. So a big hug you brave girl for getting out there in the first place.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie


 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 27, 2017, 10:32:54 am
 ** Waving frantically **

 There She IS!!! LIZ !!! LIZ!!

 ** Still waving **

 Over here Liz !! LIZ !!

 ** (((( HUUUUUGGG )))) **
 ** Squeeze **

   Oh Liz!!  Welcome back!! I missed you!  And when I knew you should have made it back and you weren't posting, I got worried for you! You were sooo excited to be going and it took you so long to talk to us... well you know...

   I know you were taking care of your own little problems and was busy recovering from the trip and all, But I missed you and needed my "Liz Fix" and you worried me being so quiet for so long.  I need my Liz, Cindy, Moni, Sadie, Randy, Michelle, Kathy, and my #1 fan, p, fixes.
   I know I missed some of the rest of you that I like seeing here and I'm sorry. For some reason my head ain't working right this morning. Little things like doing my routine out of order and having to think about what I need to do that is usually done almost by rote. Nothing is really wrong, its more like I'm operating in a fog this morning.

  Anyway,  where was I? Oh yeah, Liz!.  In spite of all your difficulties Liz it does sound like you had a good time for the most part and the bothersome parts mostly held off being a big problem until you got back. You did great functioning under fire! You go girl!. You smiled, you partied, you participated. you enjoyed, you had fun! You did good in a difficult situation. I be proud of you.
  Now why did it hit you so hard afterward? There's a word for it, or rather 4 words... PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder. Yeah it works. You were in a highly stressful situation despite all the good stuff happening. You put off the actual dealing with that stress delaying and letting it build. Once you arrived back home to a safe environment and comfort of your wife all the pent up feelings and stress came flooding out.
 ** Hugs and back patting, hair stroking **
  There there Liz, You're okay now. Everything will be alright. Your safe. That's it hon, let it out, go ahead and have a good cry. It's alright now. It's all over. Your back home now.

   Feeling better? Oh I hope so. You know I'm not good at this sort of thing. Besides I have to go take a shower, drown myself with more water, Decide what I'm going to wear male or female?, drink more water, taking tylenol, and slather my face with goo and saran wrap it. Yup you guessed it I have a 2 hour face torture session to get ready for.  ** sigh ** The thing we make ourselves go through for a chance to look a little better in a year or two. Is it really worth it? Maybe I should go back to being "just a crossdresser"

  Glad you are back Liz ((Hug)) I missed you.

 Hugs,
   Laurie

 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on May 27, 2017, 04:22:07 pm
Proper RLE then but you came through, that's the thing it didn't kill you or get you thrown in jail,BTW still not won lotto!!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 27, 2017, 05:38:38 pm
Big hug! What a roller coaster ride. I have to ask, though:

"...and I was going to be wearing a Blue and white horizontal stripe tunic dress..."


Is that dress blue or gold?    >:-)    <running away>

Hugs, Devlyn

It's Ok you will keep...long memory I have  ;) ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 27, 2017, 05:59:57 pm

I'm not surprised at the misgendering, alas.  They knew 'him' for years, and you for hours, and it will take time for them to re-learn how to easily refer to you.  Combine the misgendering with the immersion in your past, with the strange apartment and the mirrors, and you've got a recipe for dysphoria being triggered.


I did think about this happening but to be honest I really thought "I got this" Confidence is required to accomplish many of the things we have to do as women, unfortunately in this case I underestimated the impact the misgendering would have. Most people did it a couple of times and those that I overheard behind my back not using my pronouns because they didn't think I could hear them, messed up the most in front of me. It was also heartening to hear my girlfriends challenge the non use of my pronouns when I wasn't supposed to be able to hear.

Oh mirrors...I have only just Uncovered the one in my dressing room a few months ago and barely tolerate it
(http://i.imgur.com/cxZ2mcp.jpg) (http://i.imgur.com/el9J3sz.jpg)

See what I mean about mirrors
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 27, 2017, 06:23:00 pm
Sounds like a wild journey Liz. But hey, you did it and made it back in one piece.
It took a lot of courage to do what you did, meeting people you haven't seen in years. Even cis people find reunions stressful so they were all probably feeling a little awkward too.
Hope the dysphoria lifts soon, sounds like you're already working through it. I'm sure when it calms you'll remember all the good bits. So a big hug you brave girl for getting out there in the first place.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Thanks Sadie

The Dysphoria has settled quite a bit more and I am feeling much better than early on in the week. It's funny one of the first things that happened not long after I arrived was that everyone disappeared apart from me and a close friend. I guessed she was the person the group assigned to find out the "ground rules". We sat fro about 10 minutes while she asked me a series of questions designed to ascertain how I felt about pronouns, my old name, how to approach discussions of me in the past...I told them to correct themselves and move on. Don't make a big song and a dance about it...but please just don't do it.

This is the Sign that greeted me at the airport

(http://i.imgur.com/fcET0Ao.jpg)


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 27, 2017, 06:46:33 pm
Proper RLE then but you came through, that's the thing it didn't kill you or get you thrown in jail,BTW still not won lotto!!!

It is as real as it gets and you are right despite my hassles with security I didn't get thrown in Jail....although I thought one woman at Brisbane was going to bust something she got so bent out of shape...most if I go through the scanner and mention I have an implant reassess the situation and get me patted down....but no this woman wanted me to go back and forth through the scanner, in the end I was standing there with only other option....strip!...she talked loudly across a few metre distance asking me if I have a pacemaker and when I say no she beacons me to walk back thought he scanner again and once again it gave off its high pitched squeal...in the end they did not find what was causing it and sent me on my way...wow don't you feel secure!!!

In Adelaide the machine read that I had an implant on my back and when I told them it was on my front they ignored me and patted down my back finding nothing and despite my protestations that they were looking in the wrong place they never once patted down the area with the device on it...I could have had a bomb strapped to my front and they would have been none the wiser because the "Computer said No"
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 27, 2017, 08:16:44 pm
.....................   Oh Liz!!  Welcome back!! I missed you!  And when I knew you should have made it back and you weren't posting, I got worried for you! You were sooo excited to be going and it took you so long to talk to us.......

...................... Now why did it hit you so hard afterward? There's a word for it, or rather 4 words... PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder. Yeah it works. You were in a highly stressful situation despite all the good stuff happening. You put off the actual dealing with that stress delaying and letting it build. Once you arrived back home to a safe environment and comfort of your wife all the pent up feelings and stress came flooding out.


 ....Feeling better? Oh I hope so. .................., Decide what I'm going to wear male or female?, drink more water, taking tylenol, and slather my face with goo and saran wrap it. Yup you guessed it I have a 2 hour face torture session to get ready for.  ** sigh **   Glad you are back Liz ((Hug)) I missed you......
 

Hi Laurie

I have been reading the posts and making the occasional one when I felt I might have something to offer and I did see you make a  reference to me but I really didn't know what to tell you all as I had not worked it out for myself and apart from that I wasn't the greatest company. I am of the opinion as my mother would say "If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all" so have kept things to myself...been a bit grumpy with myself...To be honest I really didn't understand why I was feeling the way I was. But something interesting has happened as a result of that experience. I have had a shift in the way I see and feel about myself(at least I think it is that) It feels like a cementing...kind of like..."If you can get through that then you can get through anything"

The underlying anxiety I sometimes feel as I walk out the door has gone... As I am writing this I am realising something interesting....I think I was scared that I would not be able to face the outside world again where in actual fact the fear has gone...maybe that's it. I don't fear the public or being out in public anymore....Yes, loss of fear being the biggest change feels right. I didn't think I had any fear anyway but circumstances have shown me different.

PTSD is s fair explanation...I do believe it has some merit. I think PTSD goes almost hand in hand with Gender Dysphoria at least for me that is the case. In hindsight it makes some sense and in the context of this trip it makes sense.

How was your Electrolysis? How are you managing with 2 hours at a time? I can't imagine your electrologist is going to care about what you wear...they already know you are female...I went from Male  to androgynous to female in looks and presentation. People got used to seeing me slowly changing. I was supposed to have Electrolysis on my right cheek on Friday but over the last 3 -4 weeks it would appear my facial hair growth has slowed to a trickle. So did not have long enough hair to work with oops
 
 Hope you had a good session...what did you decide as far as presentation?

 Saturday night out for diner                                    Some of the Gang

(http://i.imgur.com/JiDmkIj.jpg)                                 (http://i.imgur.com/WJno5lj.jpg)


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 27, 2017, 09:11:01 pm

But something interesting has happened as a result of that experience. I have had a shift in the way I see and feel about myself(at least I think it is that) It feels like a cementing...kind of like..."If you can get through that then you can get through anything"

The underlying anxiety I sometimes feel as I walk out the door has gone... As I am writing this I am realising something interesting....I think I was scared that I would not be able to face the outside world again where in actual fact the fear has gone...maybe that's it. I don't fear the public or being out in public anymore....Yes, loss of fear being the biggest change feels right.

 Hope you had a good session...what did you decide as far as presentation?
 

  Hi Liz,

  Well, I am sure we all know grumpy.. in fact I know it so well one of my friends uses it as a nick name for me. I don't understand why she can't call me a mean rotten old fart in a cowboy hat like every else does... Hopefully soon it will change to a mean rotten old broad in a cowboy hat (with a pretty scarf). lol

  It sounds like something good has come out it though. Losing that fear of public appearances can only be a good thing. And that confidence you have gained in yourself is good too.

   My electrocution went as expected and I post a bit more about it above. It did get a bit more painful towards the end. I also found out something interesting regarding the equipment. It apparently put out quite the electrical field from the victim. I got out my smartphone to show Christina my 2 wigs in pictures I've posted here and my was acting squirrely. It was having one heck of a time interpreting the touches on the screen making it difficult the bring up the pictures and switch from on to another. It was doing all sorts of thing I wasn't trying to do. I'm sure it was that machine and the energy it was radiating that caused the problems. It makes me think that it was likely not good for the phone so I got it turned off and put somewhere away from the table.

 How did I present? Good question Hybrid I'd say, Nothing special either way.

Male items: no wig or makeup, red  t shirt.
Female items: earrings, bra, panties, socks and shoes, woman's watch, clear nail polish.

(http://i.imgur.com/HY14pLC.jpg)

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 27, 2017, 10:50:18 pm


Male items: no wig or makeup, red  t shirt.
Female items: earrings, bra, panties, socks and shoes, woman's watch, clear nail polish.
....

 Hugs,
   Laurie

...and so it starts...you will make the changes at your pace and before you know it you will be making that appointment for your "Make over"   ;D ;D

I will have to pop across and have a look at how the electrocution went.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 28, 2017, 12:46:11 am
...and so it starts...you will make the changes at your pace

I will have to pop across and have a look at how the electrocution went.

 I've been running around my apartment complex doing laundry, checking mail and taking out trash for the last 4 days dress much as I was in the picture above even with these contractor workers coming and going in front of my apartment. They aren't bothering me in my head as much as they did before. I also been out taking walks en femme twice this week Liz. 
   I'm working on it I tell ya.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 28, 2017, 07:02:45 am
I've been running around my apartment complex doing laundry, checking mail and taking out trash for the last 4 days dress much as I was in the picture above even with these contractor workers coming and going in front of my apartment. They aren't bothering me in my head as much as they did before. I also been out taking walks en femme twice this week Liz. 
   I'm working on it I tell ya.

 Hugs,
   Laurie

I know you have...you have made huge progress...Electrolysis is talked about around here like its having a hair cut. I am as much to blame as anybody. But the reality is its a difficult painful procedure for most of us and you are doing great having two hour sessions. Getting out and about will come with time and confidence

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 30, 2017, 01:01:53 am
So another 20 minute Electrolysis session...She has been trying to finish off that initial first clearance and today picked up most of the stragglers from  there on my cheek. Back to more lip work for a longer session on Tuesday up to 90 minutes and then a shorter one on Thursday Mornings of 20 minutes so will end out getting another 80-100 minutes in per month...I may well extend these times depending on how good the coverage I get from the new cream I am using called "Numbit" which is a generic brand Emla cream only half the price...I have some Emla cream and patches coming (that I got cheap online)so will be able to compare directly how good the two creams are....

What really made me happy was Her comment that it is all going incredibly well with negligible regrowth and some women need a couple of years to get to where I am at the moment. I was really surprised....I said I noticed the villus hairs and she will remove them as they will grow really long but would like to take care of the last remaining stragglers first over the next few 20 minute sessions ...great outcome...As much as I hate this I now realise with certainty I can tolerate some electrolysis with just numbing cream...that in my book is moving forward...


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 30, 2017, 09:30:06 am
Hi Liz,

  It's good to hear you are winding down on the face torture and becoming able to tolerate it a bit w/o the shots.

  I haven't made another appointment for myself because my whereabouts in the near future are uncertain, or soon will be.

  Glad you are back, dealing with your issues and keeping us all in the Lizzy Loop again. You're doing well so keep it up!

  Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 30, 2017, 04:43:52 pm
 
  I have made another appointment for myself because my whereabouts in the near future are uncertain, or soon will be.
 
 

DO tell?? Why are your  "whereabouts in the near future are uncertain" ???
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 30, 2017, 09:33:35 pm
DO tell?? Why are your  "whereabouts in the near future are uncertain" ???

  Hi Liz,

   btw I corrected a typo  to say I haven't made another appointment.

 As to why I'm note sure where I'll be? Have you not been hanging on my every word? Did you forget in your advanced age? Maine, Baby! Road trip! departure is imminent. it could happen any time between tomorrow afternoon and  June 13th.  At this point it is as I said uncertain. There are still a few things I need to get done and a couple I'd like to get done yet. The "likes" can be put off...

  Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 31, 2017, 01:55:26 am
  Hi Liz,

   btw I corrected a typo  to say I haven't made another appointment.

 As to why I'm note sure where I'll be? Have you not been hanging on my every word? Did you forget in your advanced age? Maine, Baby! Road trip! departure is imminent. it could happen any time between tomorrow afternoon and  June 13th.  At this point it is as I said uncertain. There are still a few things I need to get done and a couple I'd like to get done yet. The "likes" can be put off...

  Hugs,
   Laurie

Oh that...I didn't think it was that soon...sounded like a couple of weeks away....departure is imminent...some time in the next two weeks ROTFLMAO... ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 31, 2017, 08:02:32 am
Oh that...I didn't think it was that soon...sounded like a couple of weeks away....departure is imminent...some time in the next two weeks ROTFLMAO... ;D

 Dearest Lizzy,

  Listen here lady, don't you dare laugh at me.."ome time in the next two weeks" IS imminent for me. It means I finally decided I am going, and that it will be soon. That is about as close to making plans as I get.!!
  I know, I know some people actually set firm dates for doing things especially something expected to take a month of so to do. Those are "Normal" people and I've never been accused of being that.

  I have about 3 things to get done prior to leaving.
     1. buy groceries for my sister
     2. get and leave cash for her to use while I'm gone
     3. Have the 4 wheel drive repaired on my pickup (could be put off again)
   After those it's a matter of tossing stuff in the truck and hit the road.

  So there woman. Those are my plans. Tasks to get done (w/o dates) then feeling it is time to go.
 It's the best I can do.

  Hugs,
     Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on June 01, 2017, 10:29:54 am
I can usually start to feel some small pains after about an hour but by that stage she has usually cleared the area I have numbed. After about 1 hr 45 they are really starting to wear off and by 2 1/2 hour mark they are almost non  existent....from about the 1:45 to the 2:00 hr mark is when it starts to begin to fade and when this happens it happens fairly quickly.

My injections are usually given by about 12:30-12:45, its then 15 minutes to get parked and into the Electrologist...each time I think I have provided her with a big enough are she clears it...she can work way faster.

The injections themselves could be a bit tricky depending on where you live. I had great difficulty finding a Dr willing to do it...by Dr who does my Endo stuff does it for me because she is Trans herself and understands the pain and the need. She doesn't have huge amount of experience (except in injecting her own face)with facial injections but together we are learning as to what works best.

Hope that helps

Liz

That is the frustrating part. I'm not sure of how it works in Oz, but her here in trumpville, the skillsets of pain management and hair removal seldom convene. It just makes it so difficult to get the help you need for reasonable money or via any convenient timetable. Anyways, were relentless women, Liz. These damned hairs don't stand a chance with us. They can go down easy or they can go down hard....but they're going! LOL!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 01, 2017, 04:16:21 pm
This is all my own doing and took awhile to get a Dr to agree and I know she agreed because she is trans and knows how dam painful it is. Then I had to co-ordinate the appointments which in the beginning was a nightmare but we got there in the end. I would not be as far along as I am without it. I don't get it...many women find this part of Transition really challenging and this is not a choice as much as a necessity but yet no services are available. At least you have access to places like E3000 and the like here in Oz we have nothing. Most Dr's don't want tot know about facial injections...it is in the "Too hard basket"
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on June 01, 2017, 05:54:57 pm
Hi Liz,

  I admire your tenacity in addressing your needs to get the electrolysis done. You're awesome. And you have the end in sight!
  I know it takes many hours ( like over 100  ::) ::) ) to get to where you are and I have but begun with only 3 measly hours under my belt. I wish I could see Something for those three stinging and costly hours but no  :( where she has been working looks indistinguishable from where she hasn't. At this bare beginning it feels like I've gotten nothing for my pain and money. I know, I know patience Grasshopper,  but this is as bad as waiting for breasts to grow. Worse!
     /sigh

 I hope you are having a good Day Liz

  Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 02, 2017, 01:36:30 am
Hi Liz,

  I admire your tenacity in addressing your needs to get the electrolysis done. You're awesome. And you have the end in sight!
  I know it takes many hours ( like over 100  ::) ::) ) to get to where you are and I have but begun with only 3 measly hours under my belt. I wish I could see Something for those three stinging and costly hours but no  :( where she has been working looks indistinguishable from where she hasn't. At this bare beginning it feels like I've gotten nothing for my pain and money. I know, I know patience Grasshopper,  but this is as bad as waiting for breasts to grow. Worse!
     /sigh

 I hope you are having a good Day Liz

  Hugs,
   Laurie

You Know what is interesting Laurie is I have no real good idea how much I have had done....The initial quote I got was for 150 hours to clear my face...so as I was mainly dark hair about 70-80% I went after laser to take care of the dark stuff. I was told probably somewhere around 15-20 sessions to deal with 90% of it. So after just over 18 months of laser there would be 80% of it is gone either by laser or Electrology  so if we start working the numbers then with laser we are talking maybe 50 hours to clear, meaning 2/3 cleared by laser, 1 /3 by electrolysis its actually a bit more than that because laser won't kill it all, there are some that just keep coming back. That leaves about 50 hours required by Electrolysis to clear the remainder of the face...I have had at least 25-30 hours...My Electrologist says it takes 100 plus hours for most girls to get to where I am...I am very lucky in that respect...

so going by what I can see and how long it takes to grow anything another 20 to 25 hrs seems about right...All over my face there might be an hours worth of first growth stuff....we are working on final clearance of my top lip and cheeks at the moment... I am now out to 6 days to grow long enough to work with, So that makes the occasional first growth hair really long after 6 days(difficult to hide under makeup) and the second growth stuff I can't see in a normal mirror until about 8 or 9 days, but I still hate the look of it under makeup...hopefully I am not too many weeks where I can get a full clearance each time I go and hopefully by then I will have the Hypnotherapy to help me through the sessions.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on June 02, 2017, 02:01:53 am
Hi Liz,

  *sigh*

  Breast growth is faster and more satisfying.

  *sigh*

 Hugs,
    Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 03, 2017, 07:07:06 pm
Hi Liz,

  *sigh*

  Breast growth is faster and more satisfying.

  *sigh*

 Hugs,
    Laurie

Hell Yes it is and much for fun!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on June 03, 2017, 07:33:13 pm
Hell Yes it is and much for fun!!

 LMAO  I was going to say fun but didn't want to tell everyone I love playing with them.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 05, 2017, 06:58:41 pm
Prepping for Electrolysis today...Fluids, moisturise, drugs, injections,zapping

This is the third session I have had on the top lip...If I had been able to tolerate more I would have finished it last week but after 40 minutes my nose was streaming and so were my eyes...we had to give up. The biggest issue was that up around my scar line which runs through the centre of my lip and the others run along the base of my nose like a T. I counted today there 50 hairs that have got to go....then maybe another 30 minutes for final clearance...If I need to have another session then I will.

I have to wait till September for my first hypnotherapy session at which I am going to try and find some way to desensitise myself to the pain. Although I suspect that by then I may have the majority of it beaten....I am still going to be dealing with some secondary growth and if I can manage it with hypnosis and cream I can do it really fast. I am slowed down by how often I can book for injections. I would like to make that a thing of the past...facial injections hurt.

Today I am going to use Valium and an Audiobook to try and get in the "zone" and concentrate on that and not what she is doing to my face....I so want this to be the last major session I have on my lip... if we can get this done then I really am on the home stretch to the maintenance phase. If I can get rid of this primary growth the secondary stuff is so much easier hide and remove. This leaves only a couple of  injection sessions to finish off the primary hair and then with cream alone I can tolerate a fair bit with the lighter secondary stuff.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on June 05, 2017, 08:40:12 pm
Hi Liz,

  I hope this session goes / went well for you. I know what a pain (in more ways than one) this is for you. Keep a stiff upper lip., Lady and it will be over in no time.

  Hugs,
    Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 06, 2017, 01:52:09 am
Hi Liz,

  I hope this session goes / went well for you. I know what a pain (in more ways than one) this is for you. Keep a stiff upper lip., Lady and it will be over in no time.

  Hugs,
    Laurie
So I am back and very sore and swollen We cleared all the last of the primary and secondary growth hairs up along and down the T shape of my scars, into the very bottom, just up into my nose and along the nostril crease(had surgery on them 5 months ago)OUCH!!! I only have left a smattering of secondary hairs that don't require the large current to move. She did a bit of work in areas that had no pain relief at all and I tolerated that well.

Even fully loaded up on Anaesthetic I could still feel a mild sting to sometime quite painful sting. The inside of my nose where it meets the lip was bad and also I had 1/2dozen hairs growing almost out the bottom of the skin that divides the two nostrils at its base...now they made me sit up and curse...but we got through and after 40 minutes she called it as cleared apart from a few minor secondary hairs. My Top lip shots are done for the time being and I will have to see what kind of regrowth I get as to if I need a further injection session to finish the clearance. My confidence is on the rise that I am going to beat this dam thing. I am going to clear my face of this crap!!

Fells amazing to rub under my nose and it feels completely smooth...I have three or four other large areas that feel like this as well so pretty soon we will join the dots...I have 8 weeks straight of injections as well as a second appointment 2 days later for a shorter time using numbing cream. I am usually good for about 20 minutes or so. But doing each week adds at least another 1.5 hrs per month...so its pretty much now down to how good her skill has been at removing those  thick posts hairs, as to how much regrowth I get but the telling one is how much new growth. It is the new growth that will be the deciding factor as to how much more I need. The secondary growth is even scarcer so maybe by the last session in July I will be done with the needles...that makes 8 more to go and I have had cheek and lower neck injections before and they are nothing compared to lip /nose injections which only last maybe 10 minutes if you are lucky. So I am glad they are done...if you couldn't tell LOL ;D                               
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on June 06, 2017, 09:15:35 am
Glad to see you're nearly cleared of the beard now Liz. I went straight for directly under the nose on my first electrolysis appointment, in hindsight probably not the best area to start, but it was the most awkward area for me to shave and seemed to make sense at the time. And they say ignorance is bliss, I beg to differ ;D

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 06, 2017, 05:40:11 pm
Glad to see you're nearly cleared of the beard now Liz. I went straight for directly under the nose on my first electrolysis appointment, in hindsight probably not the best area to start, but it was the most awkward area for me to shave and seemed to make sense at the time. And they say ignorance is bliss, I beg to differ ;D

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Ouch what a baptism of fire. I have had 4 hours of Dental Injections prior to these last 3 x 40 minute sessions...unfortunately when the first operator did my top lip whilst I was numbed up she was rough and  proceeded to just about pull the hairs out so of course they grew back. My Current Electrologist turned the current down as they were not need due to the amount of work done already but even so I could really feel most of it after about 20 minutes. We got to some of the more really tender area's and she would say OK we have 5 hair 2 strong and 3 weak and them count me through them. I just kept picturing a cleared top lip. It is such a good feeling when she really has to search to find some hairs to work on...we have planned an all out assault on the two areas left that have any primary growth on it,  between now and the end of July. After this period I am going to take a break for a couple of months and see how I am looking, But the feeling is I should be close to the end. YAY!!! but the worst has been done.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on June 06, 2017, 06:11:44 pm
Geez, you're scaring me, Liz!  I am less than 20 hours in, and she hasn't even started on my upper lip yet.  I find it hard to get through a one-hour session, even with a ton of Emla, and Tylenol and Advil (my doctor suggested using both together). 

Today, she started with the area just below my lower lip.  The first couple of zaps were tolerable, and I thought I'd finally gotten enough Emla on the area.  But it turned out it was only because she had just started.  @#$% that hurt!!  In that area, the effectiveness wears off in a couple of minutes, so then she had to move on to my chin and neck.  In less than an hour, my neck was beginning to wake up too.

I think when it comes time to do my upper lip, I'll have to book 30-minute or even 15-minute sessions.  From what I'm hearing, there's no way I'd survive a full hour.

I am happy for you that you are nearing the end of the process.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 06, 2017, 06:50:19 pm
Geez, you're scaring me, Liz!  I am less than 20 hours in, and she hasn't even started on my upper lip yet.  I find it hard to get through a one-hour session, even with a ton of Emla, and Tylenol and Advil (my doctor suggested using both together). 

Today, she started with the area just below my lower lip.  The first couple of zaps were tolerable, and I thought I'd finally gotten enough Emla on the area.  But it turned out it was only because she had just started.  @#$% that hurt!!  In that area, the effectiveness wears off in a couple of minutes, so then she had to move on to my chin and neck.  In less than an hour, my neck was beginning to wake up too.

I think when it comes time to do my upper lip, I'll have to book 30-minute or even 15-minute sessions.  From what I'm hearing, there's no way I'd survive a full hour.

I am happy for you that you are nearing the end of the process.

I have very sparse thick grey hair and whilst that sounds good the hairs are really tough(require highest current = they hurt) so I guess that is the trade off. If you are going to get injections I would suggest you find a dentist (Bupa did mine) to give you nerve blocks. Now this is only good for the top lip and parts of the chin...I could feel nothing with these blocks and they lasted a good 2 hours. The injections in the top lip last maybe 30 minutes as there is not much in the way of muscle and skin to absorb the lidocaine. On the Emla cream I can manage no more than about 30 minutes. I have booked a few of those shorter sessions with cream and then injecting sessions for an hour once a week as well. So looking to complete an hour and half each week for the next 7 weeks and after that I would like to be looking at a full facial clearance per session(that's the plan hahaha) or within the two sessions I have booked each week.

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 07, 2017, 06:35:14 pm
Here we go second session for the week of Electrolysis...prepping for that. Only a short 20 minute session today...so have now booked 2 days a week because I just love it so much (NOT). I feel a concerted effort over the next 7 weeks should but a huge dent in what I have remaining might even get me close to full clearing each week. Anyway we can hope and dream.

I have still not shaved from Tuesday's session (so I am now at 10 days growth...not feeling real great) as we need to plan out the next few sessions which she can assess today. Last time I had to do this she cancelled on me at the last minute which is why I have had to do it a second time. I need to get some kind of assessment. Once the few thick hairs have gone all that is left is the secondary finer hairs but there is still a few of the thicker ones along my jaw line which she can clear up today for me. I am also going to try and use an audio book to help distract me...I want to eventually get this second session from a 20 minute out to 30 minutes if I can. I am going to see how much I can accomplish with the budget I have left for hair removal. I have enough money allocated for about another 20 hours, will have to re-assess my options then...lets hope I have the majority done by then...Hoping to get that answer today and depending on what she says I may have to look at how much more I want to pour into this never ending drain called hair removal... at times it feel like trying to catch sand...
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on June 07, 2017, 08:00:53 pm
Now Now Liz,

  What ever would you do with all that free time if you didn't have facial torture to fill your days?
Frankly I just can't see it happening. It's become too big a part of your life. How could you even think of stopping?

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 07, 2017, 08:48:29 pm
Now Now Liz,

  What ever would you do with all that free time if you didn't have facial torture to fill your days?
Frankly I just can't see it happening. It's become too big a part of your life. How could you even think of stopping?

 Hugs,
   Laurie

Hmm what would I do...certainly not stick burning hot needles into my face every few seconds for an hour at a time...but that is just me though, ....The worst part is that as has been pointed out to me(by my beloved....again) my Boulevard Cruiser that I no longer am able to ride could probably fund the last of my hair removal...that is of course if I want to sell it...I should because I can't ride any longer but I can't bring myself to sell it either....Oh well...don't suppose you know anyone who wants to buy a cruiser with under 5000 ks on it. LOL
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on June 07, 2017, 09:40:21 pm
Sold both my babies for the purpose, Liiz. Honda Interceptor and Yamaha FZ1. Had to let em' go!
Cut her lose, Liz! Time for somebody else to get to enjoy her!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 07, 2017, 09:53:51 pm
Sold both my babies for the purpose, Liiz. Honda Interceptor and Yamaha FZ1. Had to let em' go!
Cut her lose, Liz! Time for somebody else to get to enjoy her!


No No No NO! :eusa_snooty: :eusa_snooty:.....but I have too :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2: it's like cutting off a limb....when "it" gets in your blood there is no stopping , is there Lisa  ;) ;D ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on June 07, 2017, 10:37:53 pm
Sold both my babies for the purpose, Liiz. Honda Interceptor and Yamaha FZ1. Had to let em' go!
Cut her lose, Liz! Time for somebody else to get to enjoy her!

I know the feeling.  I miss my little Miata.  Not the most practical car, as an older vehicle with some high mileage and years expenses (clutch, replace all belts and hoses, etc), but it sure was fun.  I hope someone with a good garage shop has it and is taking care of it.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on June 08, 2017, 01:14:05 am
I know the feeling.  I miss my little Miata.  Not the most practical car, as an older vehicle with some high mileage and years expenses (clutch, replace all belts and hoses, etc), but it sure was fun.  I hope someone with a good garage shop has it and is taking care of it.


So sad...I love those things. Poor Womans Lotus Elan without the grief or maintenance. My friend had an 89'. Ansolute hoot to drive. Sorry Liz.... not trying to hijack your thread. Consider mine an Michelle's posts commiseration😉
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 08, 2017, 02:40:09 am

So sad...I love those things. Poor Womans Lotus Elan without the grief or maintenance. My friend had an 89'. Ansolute hoot to drive. Sorry Liz.... not trying to hijack your thread. Consider mine an Michelle's posts commiseration😉

I don't know about Hijack...in order to do that I think the thread would need to have a consistent topic...of which this doesn't so long as it broadly fits into my trans experience then it is on topic ;D...and I mean broadly ;)...the simple words "I know the feeling"...yup that's on topic haha
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 08, 2017, 02:57:05 am
I am always so very tired after Electrolysis and will make this quick....so the word from the electrologist is 7 injecting sessions along with 7 20 minute sessions done with cream and she estimates I will be at maintenance mode by the time we get to the last sessions...so every couple of weeks I may need to go in and get a few zapped, If she is right and I have no reason to doubt her ...that is an astounding result and I will be very happy. Next session for my top lip and I am getting dental blocks to finish off somewhere near the end of July.

Oh to be all but finished by August when I see the surgeon would be superb...slow and steady progress :)


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on June 08, 2017, 09:39:44 am
Congratulations, Liz!  It must be a tremendous relief to know that the end is in sight.

I think we may be in similar places.  In two hours now, my electrolyst is clearing much of my face.  (The other two hours is spent on getting the South Pole ready for GCS.  The surgeon wants to see three months worth of progress down there on the initial consult.  He's been bitten too many times by patients not done with clearing by their original surgery date.)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 08, 2017, 07:54:45 pm
Congratulations, Liz!  It must be a tremendous relief to know that the end is in sight.

I think we may be in similar places.  In two hours now, my electrolyst is clearing much of my face.  (The other two hours is spent on getting the South Pole ready for GCS.  The surgeon wants to see three months worth of progress down there on the initial consult.  He's been bitten too many times by patients not done with clearing by their original surgery date.)

Thanks Michelle I have to admire your stoicism during your Treatment..2 hour sessions, they had to have been just awful and unlike me (who bitches continuously) you managed to just keep going.  I don't know but I am going to take a guess that your Tech won't compromise their treatment quality because you are uncomfortable...

"This is the treatment and if you want the treatment to be done properly then you need to find a way to get comfortable," kind of attitude rather than "no problem, I will turn the current down till you can handle it and worry about the consequences later" type of attitude (even though I know it won't do the job).

Not that mine is not empathetic with the discomfort and does everything she can to minimise it, but she won't drop the current or pull a hair before she should because I am uncomfortable...if it is that bad then we stop for the day. Her results speak for themselves and clearly so does your Techs.

It is such a relief to know that this horrible shaving limbo is coming to end...too much to not shave at all...still too much for one session....nearly. We have worked out our attack for the next 7 weeks so fingers crossed ;D

I have my first GCS appointment in August and my Australian surgeon has not mentioned anything about hair removal, I have been sent nothing that would indicate this needs doing yet. Mainly I think because he has such a long waiting list its going to be late 2018 or early 2019 before I surgery is likely.  That is ok because I am still torn between cosmetic and full GCS...my head says "yep have the cosmetic you are not going to use the other equipment" and my heart says "are you kidding girl". I think I will be 10K short regardless so it could all be a moot point anyway, because I have no means to earn it. The further along my transition I get the more I want it done. Maybe its just 50 years of stereotypes driving my decision...I don't know but I have plenty of time and help to figure it out why I want the full surgery so badly.  ;D


 

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on June 08, 2017, 09:00:39 pm

I have my first GCS appointment in August and my Australian surgeon has not mentioned anything about hair removal, I have been sent nothing that would indicate this needs doing yet. Mainly I think because he has such a long waiting list its going to be late 2018 or early 2019 before I surgery is likely.  That is ok because I am still torn between cosmetic and full GCS...my head says "yep have the cosmetic you are not going to use the other equipment" and my heart says "are you kidding girl". I think I will be 10K short regardless so it could all be a moot point anyway, because I have no means to earn it. The further along my transition I get the more I want it done. Maybe its just 50 years of stereotypes driving my decision...I don't know but I have plenty of time and help to figure it out why I want the full surgery so badly.  ;D

 Okay Liz, enough with the splitting of hairs for now. Since you've brought it up, let's talk about GCS...

 Specifically, "That is ok because I am still torn between cosmetic and full GCS...my head says "yep have the cosmetic you are not going to use the other equipment" and my heart says "are you kidding girl""

   As I sit here having just begun this long process, not yet used to going out in public as a woman,  with only 3 hours of letting a nice lady perforrn ritualistic rites upon my face, and truth be told still struggling to accept myself as a woman instead of a crossdressing pervert, I occasion have time to ponder this subject myself. It strikes me as absurd to even have this cross my mind at this point, but it does.
   I have said I doubt GCS is going to be necessary in my case. Logic tells me this is so. Why? For many reasons; 1. First is that I am 64 years old now, so what's the point? 2. I am not in a relationship with a significant other, nor do I visualize ever being in one. 3. I can visualize no use of it for it's intended, accepted purpose. 4. And lastly, it is a costly, risky, and painful procedure ( not counting the generally required deforestation of the affected area )
   That leaves one wondering why it would be necessary at all for me. In my case it would have to fall into the category of vanity? One could argue it fulfills a need to complete the physical change. To finally physically finish the look of a female. To satisfy that irrational mental imagery of what a female is. It leaves me wondering "is it really necessary?" And my logical answer is  "no". And that is what I've been telling people I talk to who have asked.
   Then why do I keep coming back to the question? Why do I keep thinking GCS is something I think I want? It makes no sense to me at all but there it is. Whenever I find myself thinking about it, I think though it isn't required or necessary, I could change my mind somewhere down the road and answer that question, "Yes, I want the surgery" even though I have no good reason to have it done. It is so far away that cost doesn't even come into the picture.

  For now it is just an intellectual exercise, a "what if". I'm still shaky in the decisions I have made thus far. I'm still committed to these decisions, though at times I am not sure why.

  For you Liz, it's not an academic exercise. You're "all in" and I salute you on that. You'll get your GCS, of that I am confident. As they say "Where's there a will, there's a way" You will find that way, Liz. Have faith in yourself, you'll figure it out.

 Hugs,
    Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JulieOnHerWay on June 08, 2017, 10:10:49 pm
Okay Liz, enough with the splitting of hairs for now. Since you've brought it up, let's talk about GCS...

 Specifically, "That is ok because I am still torn between cosmetic and full GCS...my head says "yep have the cosmetic you are not going to use the other equipment" and my heart says "are you kidding girl""

   As I sit here having just begun this long process, not yet used to going out in public as a woman,  with only 3 hours of letting a nice lady perforrn ritualistic rites upon my face, and truth be told still struggling to accept myself as a woman instead of a crossdressing pervert, I occasion have time to ponder this subject myself. It strikes me as absurd to even have this cross my mind at this point, but it does.
   I have said I doubt GCS is going to be necessary in my case. Logic tells me this is so. Why? For many reasons; 1. First is that I am 64 years old now, so what's the point? 2. I am not in a relationship with a significant other, nor do I visualize ever being in one. 3. I can visualize no use of it for it's intended, accepted purpose. 4. And lastly, it is a costly, risky, and painful procedure ( not counting the generally required deforestation of the affected area )
   That leaves one wondering why it would be necessary at all for me. In my case it would have to fall into the category of vanity? One could argue it fulfills a need to complete the physical change. To finally physically finish the look of a female. To satisfy that irrational mental imagery of what a female is. It leaves me wondering "is it really necessary?" And my logical answer is  "no". And that is what I've been telling people I talk to who have asked.
   Then why do I keep coming back to the question? Why do I keep thinking GCS is something I think I want? It makes no sense to me at all but there it is. Whenever I find myself thinking about it, I think though it isn't required or necessary, I could change my mind somewhere down the road and answer that question, "Yes, I want the surgery" even though I have no good reason to have it done. It is so far away that cost doesn't even come into the picture.

  For now it is just an intellectual exercise, a "what if". I'm still shaky in the decisions I have made thus far. I'm still committed to these decisions, though at times I am not sure why.

  For you Liz, it's not an academic exercise. You're "all in" and I salute you on that. You'll get your GCS, of that I am confident. As they say "Where's there a will, there's a way" You will find that way, Liz. Have faith in yourself, you'll figure it out.

 Hugs,
    Laurie

First, in an effort to not be accused of derailing a perfectly informative thread; Congrats Liz in your dogged efforts to get your body in line with your heart. 

Now to how far we older girls are going to go.  It is true that we probably will never pass and then only with the clueless.  Gotta love them.  We also each get to find out comfort level.  While I am really just starting like Laurie with only cursory movement.  Not even on Hormones and no electrolysis (YET),  I have taken some small step to feminize myself as much as I can.   Long hair, shaving legs and other parts, wear feminine clothes daily etc etc etc.  I do know the steps I have taken I do not think I will ever stop.  I like it.  It makes me feel better.  It ain't hurting no one. 
I do at this point want to experience low dose E for awhile to see how that works.  I suspect it will be the same.  Wont want to stop. 
FFS seems intriguing.  i have seen some middle-aged girls results.  OMG.  I want what she has even if I am only 75% of them.  So I am with you Liz, FFS seems a possibility.  And to be honest, for the same reasons Laurie expressed, bottom surgery is not a wish expense.  But a qualified opinion as being, right now.
But like my beginning of liking what I have done and don't want to stop and want to move a bit further, I may as I evolve, I just may think differently.  My mild dysphoria may become stronger.  I may awaken an urge that has to be dealt with. Then i will change my mind and deal with that then.  And maybe I find an acceptable relationship too.   
Did someone ever say, "the future is interesting"?  Even if it requires extensive hair transplants.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 09, 2017, 06:32:45 am
. It leaves me wondering "is it really necessary?" And my logical answer is  "no". And that is what I've been telling people I talk to who have asked.
   

Laurie thank you for your vote of confidence I appreciate it....In a book I read about a trans woman, she talks about going through her though process's over having surgery and in her book she reeled off a list of perfectly valid reasons as to why she should not have surgery each and every one of them logical enough but at end of it she finished off with those immortal words "Yeah...But I still want it

When people used to ask me I would always say I haven't actually decided but that is certainly not the goal so probably not. It not as if the idea of surgery is new to me  ;) I do remember coming really close with a hunting knife, figuring they would have to let me be a girl ha ha , lucky for me my guardian angel was looking out for me. The surety I feel occurs every day when I have to deal with "it"....so it is not so much if but as to what? 

But the longer I go about my life the more certain I am that "It" has t o go...the bigger question is full or cosmetic?
 


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 09, 2017, 07:37:47 am
First, in an effort to not be accused of derailing a perfectly informative thread; Congrats Liz in your dogged efforts to get your body in line with your heart. 

Now to how far we older girls are going to go.  It is true that we probably will never pass and then only with the clueless.  Gotta love them.  We also each get to find out comfort level.  While I am really just starting like Laurie with only cursory movement.  Not even on Hormones and no electrolysis (YET),  I have taken some small step to feminize myself as much as I can.   Long hair, shaving legs and other parts, wear feminine clothes daily etc etc etc.  I do know the steps I have taken I do not think I will ever stop.  I like it.  It makes me feel better.  It ain't hurting no one. 
I do at this point want to experience low dose E for awhile to see how that works.  I suspect it will be the same.  Wont want to stop. 
FFS seems intriguing.  i have seen some middle-aged girls results.  OMG.  I want what she has even if I am only 75% of them.  So I am with you Liz, FFS seems a possibility.  And to be honest, for the same reasons Laurie expressed, bottom surgery is not a wish expense.  But a qualified opinion as being, right now.
But like my beginning of liking what I have done and don't want to stop and want to move a bit further, I may as I evolve, I just may think differently.  My mild dysphoria may become stronger.  I may awaken an urge that has to be dealt with. Then i will change my mind and deal with that then.  And maybe I find an acceptable relationship too.   
Did someone ever say, "the future is interesting"?  Even if it requires extensive hair transplants.

Hi Julie.

This thread would actually need a direction in order to derail it...so don't worry about that

This is a process and for me the longer into it I am the more of my old stuff sloughs away...I have been on HRT about a year and I know my feeling haven't changed on anything I have just dropped all the bullshit...I like what I like...some things make me cry some make me angry and many many more things that I used to care about I just don't anymore.

I went to the Gold coast here in Australia for a nurses reunion...I had only been fulltime for a short while but I went anyway and by the time I got back I was a changed woman. I kept saying I wanted to pass...so what do I actually mean by that...in a world where I passed how would things be... I would get gendered correctly without question or hesitation, I wouldn't get stared at for being an oddity but I would get stared at because women get stare at each other, I would be treated with the same curtesy afforded other women, I would be included in with other women and women's spaces,  but automatically excluded from male conversation and places...so if all these things happened then I think I could say I passed?

Not only did it happen 90% of the time whilst I was away but since coming back I really cared even less what people do. I am addressed either neutrally or as Mam and just get on with what I have to do and most of the people are perfectly lovely to me...I met plenty of asses when presenting as a guy and there are no less of them now!!

Occasionally someone will give me a funny look or stare a bit longer and I have taken to smiling at these people and they either smile back or avert their eyes like they were being "naughty people"  seriously though...Once I really started to look at what was happening around me I noticed how very few people actually even realise I exist in their space.

So does that mean I pass?

I hope you get your wish of low dose HRT although I do recommend the full dose...what a ride  :D :D

Feel free to chime in or post a question anytime

Hugs
Liz
 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on June 09, 2017, 02:03:02 pm
 Well I don't think I will pass ever but the full works YES for me that's the whole point.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on June 09, 2017, 03:40:36 pm
Well I don't think I will pass ever but the full works YES for me that's the whole point.

Why don't you think you'll ever pass, Davina? You're not particularly tall if you're picture is accurate and have no overwhelmingly unixable masculine features, big beautiful eyes.... some weight loss and some rhinoplasty and you'd be rollin', girl!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on June 10, 2017, 05:51:16 pm


No No No NO! :eusa_snooty: :eusa_snooty:.....but I have too :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2: it's like cutting off a limb....when "it" gets in your blood there is no stopping , is there Lisa  ;) ;D ;D


Huh? Just saw this Liz. The drugs they've had me on have made me more obtuse than usual. Unfortunately, you're right. It's like smoking. Once you start, you can quit but your always a smoker. I picked up the motorcycling habit when I was 17................bout' a hundred years ago. Maybe someday I'll go back. But right now...I put it to bed, with lots of other stuff. I do feel for ya' girl. If you can afford to keep her, do it. But if your not riding her? She's just garage jewelry and there will be another machine waiting for Liz when the time is right. It's just a bike, you'll always be a motorcyclist. Good luck with whatever decision you make. Hope this missive finds you well!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 10, 2017, 06:28:49 pm
Lisa's you are right...it is garage jewellery and the sad but true part is I will never ride again for the same reason I will never work again. I knew this was all coming, it was a matter of when not if!  :o
Title: `
Post by: LizK on June 10, 2017, 07:12:09 pm
So Last week was one of those mixed weeks that you just want to put behind you but there were also some brilliant highlights

The Good

Found out I have about 10 hrs in the chair before I reach Maintenance mode with my Electrolysis

Confirmed my Hypnosis Appointment

Changed my Name with my Telco(one less to worry about)

I managed to locate my original Citizenship Certificate

The Not So Good

Got told whilst doing my name change "I am going to call you BXXXX because that is the name on the screen otherwise its too hard"

I had facial injections on Tuesday for Electrolysis

My Father went out of his way to use my old name as some kind of power trip...he does not realise but that was the last call I will ever make to him as long as he refuse to use my name and pronouns

MY Bank locked me out of my internet account because I have not accessed the account for 3 months

The Totally Fabulous

On Friday my wife and I were talking in circles and eventually agreed we would go out shopping for the day. This is the first time we will have been out together (other than to my daughters place)socially...we were both a little apprehensive...

Jeans, nice top and cardigan, sensible shoes, handbag and scarf...unable to wear any foundation due to Electrolysis I had to limit the make up to eyeliner and Lippy...So off we went...food shopping, browsing for clothes, makeup, jewellery, perfume(got a new one for myself). We left about 10:am and got back exhausted about 5:30. We had coffee and lunch and did a heap of shopping "chores" and thoroughly enjoyed each other company.

No hassles from anyone, referred to as ladies but interestingly quite neutrally as well "Hi Guys". My wife made the comment that I don't seem to draw the attention I used to and she didn't really notice any odd reactions to me like she did the last time we were in public(I don't remember). It was just a wonderful way to spend the day in the company of my beloved, having a bit of fun, plenty of laughs and just getting on with life.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on June 11, 2017, 05:01:06 am
Well I went straight to the 'totally fabulous' ;D
Really lovely to hear you got to go out shopping with your wife, and had fun to boot. You realise that's going to be twice the hit on the credit card now when you girls head for the shoe store!
Only 10hrs electrocution left! That's pretty darn awesome to get the release date, soon it will all be a distant memory :icon_dance:
Sorry to hear about your father, never say never though, a shot across the bow is might bring him to his senses. Social conditioning is a tough nut to crack, all you can do is be there if he ever needs you in the hope that he might soften. Families eh? Can't live with em, can't live without em.
Hope next week brings you lots of fun adventures in Liz land :)

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: jentay1367 on June 28, 2017, 08:47:41 pm
Hope lives! I know how important their acceptance is to you, Elizabeth.....so I wanted to share your joy and say congratulations!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 10, 2017, 06:34:50 pm
Its been awhile since I updated my thread ...so here is a quick one

I am 3 weeks out from my Trip to Melbourne to see a surgeon. I am feeling pretty non-plussed about the whole thing. Not sure why...I thought I might be a bit more excited or wanting the answer to all these different questions but I have to say nothing springs to mind. I don't have a practical choice in surgeons so maybe that is why I feel the way I do. No matter, I will be there for the appointment at the appropriate time and we will take it from there.

I found out my regular Clinical Psychologist is WPATH/ANZPATH  accredited and is able to write one of my surgery letters and the guy I see now said he will write the other so long as I see him for the year of full time. March next year so only maybe another one or two appointments at the most. It means I don't have to go on a waiting list to see someone completely new to get my letters.

Continuing with Electrolysis  and have now completed something like 20+ sessions with facial injections. All the primary and secondary growth has been taken apart from a few on the edge of my lips. I have had 9 dental blocks since last year to work on my lips and have another 2 booked. The electrologist worked for 45 minutes to clear away some of the lighter hair this week with only a partial area with Emla cream on the cheek...this was so much easier to tolerate and I could managed pain pretty well. The next hour session is with a dental block(Tuesday) will be to try and finish the remainder that is left on my top lip. To be realistic I have a further one booked 4 weeks later to do the final finish off of my bottom lip and what ever has grown back on my top lip...in between we will be working on the fluff that is left on my cheeks and jawline.

I've been having brother hassles but nothing that won't sort itself out. You can't reason with stupid. 

I actually had a partial conversation that was almost civilised about Trans Women with my Father...I kept my cool despite being totally misgendered and explained to him again about the importance of pronouns. He seems to feel that because I won't pull him up on pronouns he is free to choose.  ::)

Just got an invite to go out for coffee with the girls tomorrow at 11am with maybe lunch afterwards, sounds like fun to me so have accepted.

Anyway onwards and upwards as they say, off out to buy new bathroom fittings as were are renovating the bathroom...going to have to go up to a week without shower facilities depending on who we contract too. Could be up for a very smelly week LOL  :D

I Will be updating this a bit more over the next few months as the second half of my first year fulltime unfolds  and I move towards meeting the requirements for being able to have GRS...
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on August 10, 2017, 08:18:30 pm
Hi Liz,

  Yes, you are correct, you have been remiss on keeping all of us up to date on what's going on.  Even so your update sounded oddly familiar, I will not go into why that may be though.
  It is a shame about the troubles with your father and your brother. I'm sorry for you even having to go through it as I know you have tried and tried to keep the channels open to them.
  At least you get to counter the disappointing events with good news regarding facial torture and your letters. YAY!

  As for your remodeling woes I cannot see why you are putting up such a stink over it, have your heard of sponge baths? They can keep the odoriferous offerings at bay if performed properly. I do hope it will not affect your other  sanitary necessities. If it does I hear a larger bucket will suffice for a while. No, No, you shouldn't try using the kitty litter tray. ewwwwwe

  Now, that coffee and lunch date sure sounds like a positive thing  Go for it lady.

  Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica Lynne on August 10, 2017, 08:26:45 pm
I feel for you,  Liz..  One of my long time dear friends still refers to me as "Dude".  He has no malice so I bite the inside of my cheek and move on.  So happy your moving along and meeting with your Surgeon.  I suspect it becomes anticlimactic and by the time you get there you wonder where's the oomph! went, but  that probably indicates you're actually ready.  I wish you  much good luck!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 11, 2017, 01:01:06 am
Great stuff Liz 😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on August 11, 2017, 03:13:06 pm
Been missing your news, good job I got a new air freshener!!!!! Family grrr my wife is sort of ignoring my mum. Good news with the face torture , may it be over soon.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 11, 2017, 05:47:20 pm
Thank you all Ladies,

Your encouragement and words of support as always are important to me and I thank you for your kind words.

Laurie Yes stinking up the place is what i do best LOL A bucket...as Bart Simpson would say "I wash myself with a rag on a stick...yuk yuk yuk"

Jessica Lynne...that is a great name..."Dude" or "mate" are both used however in Australia the use of the word "mate" is not exclusively a male term and can be used to refer to either however usually the context is the decider on how it is used. Both forms of address don't sit well with me at all. I never object. I hear my 25 year old daughter use the term with her friends all the time so I try and no be so precious about it....it still gets under my skin though

Markie...I am about 2-3rd the way through a reply to you so hang in there LOL

Hi Davinia...face torture over...wow those words don't have much meaning for me..it feels like it will never end...I have however allowed myself to start thinking that we are on the last few hours now and I suspect my last dental block appointment will be my last regular weekly appointment.

I will be conscientious of keeping this updated...probably  ::) 

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 13, 2017, 04:37:33 am
Lunch With the Girls

I went out to a local restaurant and met up with 4 other women who attend a "Meet up group" that I attend in the city once a month. Arrived to find everyone seated and having their first drink... I should have been first there as it was only about 3-4 minutes from my house by car but I kept finding things to do and it also took a few goes to finally settle on an outfit.

The lunch itself was great because where we met is a local family restaurant so the menu is basic but nice. I spent a couple of hours chatting with the other women. We did seem to be getting a little extra attention from the patrons but they never bothered us. The waitresses were all really polite and friendly. In the end I left after nearly 2 and half hours of chatting after deciding we would do this as a regular get together.

It was such a fun way to spend a few hours sitting with good company, good coffee, good food, good conversation makes for a really great afternoon and one I will look forward to doing again.

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on August 13, 2017, 04:58:18 am
That sounds lovely!

I have to say that I love the new avatar hon!!

Well done. :-*
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on August 13, 2017, 07:16:05 am
I have to say that I love the new avatar hon!!
Yes, indeed.  I love that smile!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 13, 2017, 07:36:17 am
😆 I understand  about  choosing an outfit.... not that I have much to choose  from... black or black? But it's made me late too
Sounds nice and you look   genuinely happy  😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on August 13, 2017, 12:30:33 pm
Lunch With the Girls

I went out to a local restaurant and met up with 4 other women who attend a "Meet up group" that I attend in the city once a month. Arrived to find everyone seated and having their first drink... I should have been first there as it was only about 3-4 minutes from my house by car but I kept finding things to do and it also took a few goes to finally settle on an outfit.


  Okay , I'll go along with everyone else and agree (you know how difficult that is for me) that I like your new avatar picture. I think it's worth noting you even put on make up and do not go to the party in your robe. (((Hugs)))
  Seriously , Liz, you look nice in it. :-*

  (Oh yeah, thank you for not telling everyone I was the "I kept finding things to do" that held you up.  Ssssshhh!)

 Luvs ya,
   Laurie

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on August 13, 2017, 02:51:04 pm
Love your new pic, nice cheerful countenance . Your lucky to have friends like that , make the most of it.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica Lynne on August 13, 2017, 03:46:13 pm
That sounds lovely!

I have to say that I love the new avatar hon!!

Well done. :-*

Yup...you exude happiness! The end goal for all of us. I saw it and it instantly brought a smile to my face.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 13, 2017, 10:17:52 pm
Thankyou all Ladies

I guess there is no hiding it really, I am a happy gal.

Cindy, ...thank you, It has been ages since I had a photo I wanted to share so I have set out over the last few days to capture a few...more changes to come I suspect                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           
Kathy... thank you, My older brother told me he didn't have to ask me how I was I he just had to look in my eye's...which immediately bought a tear too them

Markie...yeah you may only have one colour to choose from but you can sure rock that one!! Thanks for the compliment

Davina... Thanks and I am lucky. I was invited some months ago and accepted, however it was cancelled at the last moment. This is the first time they we have met outside of the "Meetup" we usually attend. I think it will become a semi regular thing which I would great.

Laurie...not sure if you were to blame or not but hey that's cool...Laurie was the reason I was late...there you go, you saw her admit to it. Yeah it was Laurie's fault...

Jessica...thanks very Much I am glad it bought a smile to your face.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on August 13, 2017, 10:37:08 pm
Oh my, I like the picture, Liz. For someone who is upside down all the time, you look pretty damn awesome.

As for Laurie, I know she can't help the fact that she makes all of us late all the time. It is a gift she has, like a super power.

So glad to see a good person happy.  :)

Moni
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 13, 2017, 11:00:26 pm
Quarterly Oil change and Service

This is my third visit to the local Hospital clinic since telling them I was Trans and the second since changing my name. Each visit requires a trip to the Pharmacy to collect the medication for my implanted pump and then back to the unit to have it injected, under sterile conditions, into my pump.

A few days prior I had called the clinic to advise them I required a new prescription and                                                                                                                                                         for the refill to be dropped at pharmacy. When I called Pharmacy they had my correct name and details but no script.

When I called the unit a new voice answered the phone(been going there for 17 years). Now I was using my trained voice (but not very well) and after I gave her my name Elizabeth it went something like

Her  "You're not...hang on you don't sound like a...hold on..(brief silence...reading?)...(first old name )"

Me "No Liz please"

Her "Hang on...oh yes now I have it, Okay I will sort this out" call ended

Today I arrive feeling very apprehensive, up to the pharmacy , got a cup of coffee whilst I waited, got my meds off to the clinic. My sense of dread growing more with each step.

Arrive at the clinic to be met by the doubting nurse, down to a cubicle, in comes one of the regulars who has known me for a few years and tries to read my pump via diagnostic reader. She cant get it to read and is having difficulties...then ensures a discussion with the head of the unit (another person) about "him" and "he". I let it go once but after the second time I interjected and said "I prefer you use she please"...neither her nor the head acknowledged that I had said anything. After they sorted the issue out she sat down and began to change the information recorded on my pump and asked the student to print off some new labels when I was gone with my correct name on it as they were places where they were missing.  We then proceeded to have a really nice conversation about my earrings and where I got them and how pretty they were, how long my hair was. Lovely, enjoyed it thoroughly...even miss doubter joined in.

These labels are done from the patient record in a central computer and when printed certainly had my name on it but still had male as gender. So I sighed to myself and took the form to the counter after I had finished. There were no more incidents of misgendering after I had spoken up.

Whilst at reception I asked the receptionist to change the gender marker on their records as it confuses the heck out of the nurses and she chuckled and asked me to wait for a second, she went in and made the change to my record  immediately.

Hopefully that is the end of that...when the junior nurse took my blood pressure it was through the roof just prior to having the pump filled and just after the misgendering started....in fact it was so high she eventually took it manually. In the end it was still high but I was wound up pretty darn tight by that stage. They are going to have to get better at it with me and I am sure they will.

Having the procedure is already anxiety inducing enough without adding the additional to the stress of it. I actually think that the next time I go in October, there will no further issues.....I hope  :D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 13, 2017, 11:04:48 pm
Oh my, I like the picture, Liz. For someone who is upside down all the time, you look pretty damn awesome.

As for Laurie, I know she can't help the fact that she makes all of us late all the time. It is a gift she has, like a super power.

So glad to see a good person happy.  :)

Moni

You do know that is a forced smile...That's what happens when hang upside down for long enough  ;D

Lorry..sorry I mean Laurie....what can I say... ::)

Thank you Moni  ;)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 16, 2017, 02:19:10 am
Had my dental block and Electrolysis yesterday...didn't get the amount of numbing I had last time but successfully made it through an hour session and she was able to clear my top lip of all but a dozen very light ones along my lip line which I don't think either her or I could find in the last few minutes of the session.

In 4 weeks I have one further full round of dental blocks to clean up anything that has regrown on my top lip...should be negligible and get by bottom lip done again, in the meantime it is clean up time...find the stragglers, this could take awhile...I would like to think that over the next 3 hrs we finish whatever is left.

I Got a brand new Remington I-light home IPL unit. Last one $400 off. RRP of $600+

I have started with my arm pits and photographing the results over the next 3-6 months. I will take a progress photo each time I do a session. It took about 3-4 minutes under each arm to ensure that everything in the area was covered. I have also done one arm and my chest. I want to see the difference between treated and untreated so figured my arms were the easiest. I have set on level 3 out of 5 and I could feel the mild sting from it. I will post some picture at interval if I get any result...I figured IPL took care of my chest hair apart from around the areola of my breasts which I did today. It even has a facial attachment...might be ok for zapping the odd black stray...LOL
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on August 16, 2017, 06:07:14 am
Had my dental block and Electrolysis yesterday...didn't get the amount of numbing I had last time but successfully made it through an hour session and she was able to clear my top lip of all but a dozen very light ones along my lip line which I don't think either her or I could find in the last few minutes of the session.

In 4 weeks I have one further full round of dental blocks to clean up anything that has regrown on my top lip...should be negligible and get by bottom lip done again, in the meantime it is clean up time...find the stragglers, this could take awhile...I would like to think that over the next 3 hrs we finish whatever is left.

I Got a brand new Remington I-light home IPL unit. Last one $400 off. RRP of $600+

I have started with my arm pits and photographing the results over the next 3-6 months. I will take a progress photo each time I do a session. It took about 3-4 minutes under each arm to ensure that everything in the area was covered. I have also done one arm and my chest. I want to see the difference between treated and untreated so figured my arms were the easiest. I have set on level 3 out of 5 and I could feel the mild sting from it. I will post some picture at interval if I get any result...I figured IPL took care of my chest hair apart from around the areola of my breasts which I did today. It even has a facial attachment...might be ok for zapping the odd black stray...LOL

I'm sorry Liz but I have this image of strolling along Glenelg beach with you next summer, we are both in bikinis and I say "Liz do you know that one arm......."
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 16, 2017, 06:56:46 am
I will be incredibly surprised if it does anything more than give me a slight sunburn LOL...but in the event it doesn't...well then..... ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 20, 2017, 04:37:18 am
A stroll in the Park

My wife and I went out today but before we went out we took our dog to the park to let him run some of the lunatic out(didn't work so well)...As we were walking along we chatting about all sorts of things including my home country. Somehow this discussion led my mind to wander and I began to think about one of my first serious attempts to go out and about in the world as Liz when I was about 18.  I remember the months and months of planning and saving to organise a weekend away in another city so I could just dress and be me without being clocked in my own town where I was well known. I had told my then girlfriend how I felt and she had offered to help me try and be me for a weekend
 
A memory of this weekend came flooding back with such intensity it caught me totally by surprise, taking my breath away and leaving me struggling not to start weeping outright, such was the intensity of the feelings remembered from an incident that very first morning we were away.

I did not remember the incident up until today when it all came flooding back.  I as astonished by its speed and intensity as it swept through me stopping me in my tracks as I began to shake. The particular incident was incredibly painful and humiliating for me which is why I had pushed it so far out of my mind. It took a few minutes but I got myself under control fairly quickly. Had to fix my makeup when we took the dog home after his walk but other than that no real harm done.  ;)

Anyone else experience anything like this? Memories returning unexpectedly with astonishingly powerful emotions attached to them. The memory is more like a flashback than anything else.

Maybe its just my own particular brand of crazy..... :D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on August 20, 2017, 12:19:15 pm
 Hi Liz,

  I thought I'd chime in here since I seldom get a chance to talk with you.  ;) ;) I can't say I have had something like you describe happen to me. But then my first efforts were as a young kid done in secrecy and fraught with fear of discovery.  By the time I ventured out dressed I had many years of experience in the closet and if you consider my car being an extension of that closet I still hadn't ventured out en femme for real. That event began right here in Susan's forums with  a bit of cajoling from some older lady and a bit of encouragement from you and other friends  here. I think I'll be forever grateful to those that gave me that push followed by several others.

  Thanks all you pushy ladies involved.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica Lynne on August 20, 2017, 04:28:27 pm
A stroll in the Park

My wife and I went out today but before we went out we took our dog to the park to let him run some of the lunatic out(didn't work so well)...As we were walking along we chatting about all sorts of things including my home country. Somehow this discussion led my mind to wander and I began to think about one of my first serious attempts to go out and about in the world as Liz when I was about 18.  I remember the months and months of planning and saving to organise a weekend away in another city so I could just dress and be me without being clocked in my own town where I was well known. I had told my then girlfriend how I felt and she had offered to help me try and be me for a weekend
 
A memory of this weekend came flooding back with such intensity it caught me totally by surprise, taking my breath away and leaving me struggling not to start weeping outright, such was the intensity of the feelings remembered from an incident that very first morning we were away.

I did not remember the incident up until today when it all came flooding back.  I as astonished by its speed and intensity as it swept through me stopping me in my tracks as I began to shake. The particular incident was incredibly painful and humiliating for me which is why I had pushed it so far out of my mind. It took a few minutes but I got myself under control fairly quickly. Had to fix my makeup when we took the dog home after his walk but other than that no real harm done.  ;)

Anyone else experience anything like this? Memories returning unexpectedly with astonishingly powerful emotions attached to them. The memory is more like a flashback than anything else.

Maybe its just my own particular brand of crazy..... :D

Hi Liz, I've had several experiences like you described since I started transitioning. Memories I couldn't or wouldn't have claimed in my previous life. I woke up from a lucid dreaam  from the annals of the Akashic records crying my eyes out as well as a few more. I appreciate them as they have seemed to be very cathartic. I hope you feel the same way about your experiences. Mine explained some things and allowed me to set some things down. All wins for me.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 20, 2017, 06:13:10 pm
Hi Liz,

  I thought I'd chime in here since I seldom get a chance to talk with you.  ;) ;) I can't say I have had something like you describe happen to me. But then my first efforts were as a young kid done in secrecy and fraught with fear of discovery.  By the time I ventured out dressed I had many years of experience in the closet and if you consider my car being an extension of that closet I still hadn't ventured out en femme for real. That event began right here in Susan's forums with  a bit of cajoling from some older lady and a bit of encouragement from you and other friends  here. I think I'll be forever grateful to those that gave me that push followed by several others.

  Thanks all you pushy ladies involved.

 Hugs,
   Laurie

During my teens and through the till about 19 I tried to engineer anything that would see me being able to cross dress in public, costume parties etc It was never enough and I really struggled with what was happening. When at 19 and sought therapy and I realised what was wrong with me I was terrified diving back into the closet. I swore I would never tell another soul...but of course I did...it never left me...the memory is part of several that I had forgotten...each of them around cross dressing and my attempts at feeling better...going back as young as 9 or 10...its taken awhile so its not surprising I have some gaps LOL

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 21, 2017, 05:09:42 am
Hi Liz, I've had several experiences like you described since I started transitioning. Memories I couldn't or wouldn't have claimed in my previous life. I woke up from a lucid dreaam  from the annals of the Akashic records crying my eyes out as well as a few more. I appreciate them as they have seemed to be very cathartic. I hope you feel the same way about your experiences. Mine explained some things and allowed me to set some things down. All wins for me.

Thanks for that I was about half way through responding to you this morning and had to go out before I had finished. so thank you for your thoughts. It is always good to know we are not alone in these circumstances...I don't feel quite so odd...The experience was certainly overwhelming but what it did show me and what I remember from it succinctly is the intensity of the emotions I was feeling at that time in my life...sometimes my growing up feels a little surreal but things like this remind me why I did some of the desperate things I did as a Kid and young adult.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 21, 2017, 09:59:55 pm
Today was going to be Electrolysis but I got a call from my Tech saying she was going home sick and rescheduled me for Thursday. I don't mind too much but I am a little irritated that I have to go another 2 days without getting rid of the fluff....It has now been over 2 weeks since I shaved underneath my chin and that immediate areas has a couple of dozen black secondary growth hairs which while they don't feel scratchy are now highly visible, I can also feel them because they are as long as they are and the rest is not visible...I will just have to continue to wear scarves for the next few days.

I have to grow out for such a long time these days otherwise the hair is not visible for it to be taken...you can't rely on touch anymore it has to be by sight. But of course still interspersed with these really slow growing light hairs are secondary regrowth hairs in sparse groupings of 3-4 but enough to take an hour to clear my entire neck...after that it is going to be just clean up as far as I can tell with one further Dental block booked to clear any stragglers on my top lip and clear the remains of my bottom lip and chin...its all a journey  :D

I think I can feel some gaming coming on....
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 28, 2017, 04:10:49 am
Its been a busy few days since I last posted but my head has been slowly taken over by thoughts of seeing my GCS Surgeon tomorrow for the first time.

I have to fly interstate to do it so am not looking forward to that part of it. I will get searched as I have an implanted medical device which throws them into frenzy because it makes such a loud beep when detected. Sounds like a foghorn going off to me  :D ...anyway I am used to it now and prepare as much as possible.

Not even sure what questions I have for my surgeon, I have some basic stuff ticked off in my head but as this is the initial consult there will be no decisions made tomorrow. By all accounts he is good at what he does, My new HRT Dr can look after my post op care and has trained with this surgeon so all in all it sounds great. My biggest worry is being able to fund it, but by this time tomorrow I will know what I have to do to work it out.

It feels a bit cruel really, I am going to see the surgeon even though I doubt I can afford the surgery....if I go out side of Australia (which I can afford) that will cause me other significant issues so I am only left with Australia as a choice. I will have to wait and see what can be done and what the actual costs are.

I used to think all the time about being able to have this surgery and what I would trade just to be able to experience it even for just an hour....Now faced with the reality of getting the surgery, I find it remains just out of my reach. I understand the surgical risks, the "maintenance", the possible post op complications. Mingled with all this is the question of  why? My head tells me all the reasons I should not do this as well as a few reason why I should but my heart is unquestioningly yes this is what is supposed to be...this is who I am. 

One step at a time, attend the first appointment, find out what he requires, what it costs and move on from there. I will update how things went when I return.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on August 28, 2017, 04:40:24 am
Liz,
   Wishing u good luck. The surgery is something that if you have the need, it doesn't let you go.
Moni
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 31, 2017, 04:12:44 am
Thanks  Moni I appreciate your words of encouragement.

I went and saw Dr Ives and it was all very routine and matter of fact. He told me of his requirements  to which I fit and he will do the surgery anytime after may next year...I would need to put a few things in place so it would be more like September October next year. I don't follow how much my costs will be and will need to work it out. But I may be able to afford it...just need to research. But before I worry about any of that I need to make the decision about surgery. When I saw the surgeon it was so low key and matter of fact it took my breath away....no marching band, no fireworks or 21 gun salute  ;D  just him and I talking casually about the neo vagina he was going to make for me...after all the years, all the pain, all the wishes, all the heartache, here is my deepest longing being offered to me and it overwhelmed me a bit.

So for me the day of decision is close at hand...I don't actually know if it is even a decision. I keep coming up with "logical" reasons why I should not have the surgery. I even did the pro's and con's list....and after all that I still went "Yeah But.." in the pro column....no amount of logic is going to overcome what my heart has told me all my life and I guess I have never believed it possible so now that it is...I am scared. It's easy to be confident in your decision if you don't really think it will ever happen...

I will post more about this I am sure but for the moment...
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on August 31, 2017, 09:39:39 am

...after all the years, all the pain, all the wishes, all the heartache, here is my deepest longing being offered to me and it overwhelmed me a bit.

   Well of course it did, Liz, You don't have your dreams and desires that you have had for a lifetime offered to you on a platter without feeling overwhelmed. How many years have these been nothing but bright smoke wafting around in your head? To have them begin to take form and appear real is surreal at best. It is going to take this next year to begin to be believable.
 
....no amount of logic is going to overcome what my heart has told me all my life

   Logic My Dear, has never had a place in the affairs of the heart. It tried but can only muddy the waters of your soul. Your heart says yes and logic usually will tell you no. It's when you go with your heart that you become free to be yourself. Listen to your heart, Liz, listen to your heart and hear it sing.

...I am scared. It's easy to be confident in your decision if you don't really think it will ever happen...

   If the prospect of doing this did not scare you I would have to wonder about you Liz. Oh, wait, I already wonder about you girl. It must be living your whole life upside down that unbalances you. It's all that blood that puddles in your head that make you strange. But back to the fear thing. This change is the biggest decision you will make in your life and you don't want to make a mistake. But, Liz you know it's not a mistake. It's what you need, not just what you want. The cost is a lot and risk is not small, but to finally be the woman you know you are is priceless. You'll do this and you will love yourself for doing it forever. You know you will. Step to the side and let the fear pass you by.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on August 31, 2017, 10:42:21 am
Liz, I totally understand the overwhelming feeling.  In our youth, many of us heard about the few, rare cases of people who had 'the operation', and it seemed like a dream, something we all longed for, but which looked utterly out of reach.   This thought of 'being right', becoming ourselves seems to linger in the back of our minds no matter how hard we tried to suppress it.

And now!  Now, finally, after so many years of internal pain, self-denial, and even self-loathoing, to be told it's OK, to be offered our dreams, well, that is something far beyond what we hoped for all those years. 

Some days now, I want to stop riding the whirlwind, stand aside, and just contemplate what on earth has happened to me!  But, it doesn't stop, so I hang on, try to look ahead, and take each task as they come. 

I know this is right for me.  I bet if you look deep inside you'll see your answer as well, there beyond the nervous doubts and chaos of what-ifs.

You need to be true to yourself, your authentic self.  That is more important than anything else.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 02, 2017, 08:36:59 pm
Thank you both ladies for your kind words. Sorry for my tardiness in replying

After a few days to think things over and talk to a few people I think the decision about whether or not to have surgery is pretty much resolved with the caveat that I am sure I will re-visit this again further down the track. Time to keep moving forward, any surgery is 12 plus months way and there are many things that could happen between now and then. I also have a number of goals I would like to achieve by then as well....

The next few  days are going to be interesting.

I have my older brother flying in tomorrow whom I haven't seen since this time last year. I have spoken to him on a couple of occasions and he ahs been fully supportive. He has not met Liz per se because when I saw him last time I was still flip flopping presentation and had been on HRT for less than 4 months. I will be picking him up at the airport tomorrow. I have no idea how the day will play out, he has the whole day to spend with us and then we won't see him again as he will be working. Should be a fun day out...my other brother who lives locally will also be around just to liven things up. 

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica Lynne on September 02, 2017, 10:34:50 pm
I hope the surety comes to you, Liz. My friend has chosen to forego the surgery and she contacted me to tell me that she simply wasn't sure. I  assured her it was a personal decision and made her no less of a woman if she chose against it. For now, she's chosen not to decide but is leaning away from the surgery. She's 64 and wonders if it's right for her at this point. I shared that I wanted to help, but in the final analysis, it's her body and her life. I really hope your support system allows you the latitude to make a decision for or against without any undo leverage. It's such a personal decision.  As always, we're all here to share and be of any help we can. Be well. Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on September 02, 2017, 11:29:14 pm
 

 I'm sure your brother's visit will be a good one Liz.

 Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 19, 2017, 08:30:45 pm
My older brothers visit was a great day and we spent most of it chatting and catching up...the other part was taken up with eating :D I was surprised at his total lack of understanding about trans stuff however as we chatted he picked up the important stuff. He had some basic ideas but had no real idea of how complex being trans can be. By the end of the day I am sure I had answered all his questions (including some being asked by my parents by the sound of them). I explained how things were with Mum and Dad and why I don't contact them like I used to. He also didn't realise that they had never had a real conversation like the one I was having with him and if my parents would have this conversation it would most likely be very beneficial for them. He was so surprised that I had never had that conversation with them yet here I was having a second one with him a year after the first almost to the day. All in all it went well and I enjoyed being with him. I know he loves and supports me...he has made this really clear.

Unfortunately I am almost certain I have however lost my younger brother who lives here in Adelaide with me. He had made some crazy accusation which he used as an excuse to stay away for 4 months and it turned out he was really angry over a message he misinterpreted(he acknowledged this). At the time it didn't make any sense to me how he could think what he did, taking such extreme action of refusing to contact me for 4 months?? it was missing a certain amount of basic logic and then within days of this, his wife posted some horrible thing on Facebook in which she conflated being LBGTQI, (singling out intersexed) to marriage to a dog. This was not even in the context of the same sex marriage debate that is happening at the moment. Which generated a number of highly offensive comments, knowing her past history of transphobia, I ignored it, despite its hateful content and the comments it generated. However my younger brother a day or two later went through and liked all the hateful comments and the post. So I called him on it, saying you cannot say you support me and like the horrible stuff the posters in that thread wrote about people like me. He felt there was nothing wrong with the post and went on to yell about his wife's right to have her say...it went very quiet when I pointed out to him that I did not care what his wife wrote but when he liked all of the horrible transphobic comments, it was hardly being supportive...he came back yelling again this time bringing all this stuff into it that obviously was bothering him. I gave up after that, clearly this was more, than about him liking some horrible transphobic stuff...

Stepping back and looking at the two incidents that came back to back, it becomes clear that he was looking for a way out of the relationship with me, so I have shown him the door and left the decision to him...I think he may well be getting pressure from his wife in some way. I know she is highly transphobic so it would not surprise me.

It hurts, but time is a great healer and I can at least now think about it with out getting too upset although it is  still a bit raw. I now fall into the majority who have lost someone in their journey wether my shedding them or them leaving it all amounts to the same anyway.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on September 19, 2017, 08:44:47 pm

It hurts, but time is a great healer and I can at least now think about it with out getting too upset although it is  still a bit raw. I now fall into the majority who have lost someone in their journey wether my shedding them or them leaving it all amounts to the same anyway.

  Yes, yes it does. Just how long does it take to heal? inquiring minds want to know.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 20, 2017, 02:15:00 am
Laurie I don't know if I will ever fully heal. I have spent a large part of my life looking out for this particular brother so for him to turn on me in the way he did is very difficult to heal. I don't know how you get past it but I do know I have gotten harder when it comes to this stuff. I have been on this journey for over 2 years and its about time anyone still having difficulties about me transitioning started to own their stuff. I am no longer taking it on board.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on September 20, 2017, 04:22:24 am
Liz,
   So sorry to hear of such a sad and ridiculous response from your brother. I often wonder when hearing of people being hateful, how they would feel if they had an illness and the only surgeon who could save them was trans. Think that attitude might change a bit?
Moni
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica Lynne on September 20, 2017, 06:42:04 am
Quote
It hurts, but time is a great healer and I can at least now think about it with out getting too upset although it is  still a bit raw. I now fall into the majority who have lost someone in their journey wether my shedding them or them leaving it all amounts to the same anyway.

Time is a healer, Liz. You're strong and you'll be fine. He'll either come around or not. At this point, he needs to come around and apologize. That may or may not happen...but in the end, he's the one that loses out. It's been said glibly before but it bears repeating,  this stuff ain't for sissies. Yo have to be tough as nails to transition. People will never know how hard we work or how much we're forced to sacrifice to be at home in our skin. Someday, maybe, your baby brother will be an adult, till then, you should be able to rest with the fact that you've done all you can. Sometimes we have to walk away from the devastation, make a new path and simply let it be. My heart's with you and I know you're strong. In the end, since you're you, it's all going to work out. :)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 21, 2017, 02:30:46 am
Thanks to both of you for you thoughts

Moni, I think my brother in his heart knows what he is doing is wrong, he is highly influenced by his wife. I don't think there is any remote chance that I will ever hear from him again.

Jessica Lynne Thank you for you kind words...unfortunately the longer he has known the further away from me he has drifted...He may change his mind then again his past records suggests not...he holds a grudge like most people hold a promise. He has behaved like this before with his other two brothers as a consequence neither of them will have much to do with him. I have now joined my other two brothers...which is sad because he is 47, so I would guess he is never going to grow up.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 21, 2017, 03:48:33 am
So here I am diligently trying to "decide" as to whether I have surgery or not. I have been thinking about this almost non stop since getting back from Sydney 4 weeks ago...then today I realised what I was having difficulty with. I am trying to make a decision that I have already made...kind of like the alcoholic who says I will never drink again whilst lifting a glass of wine to her lips...The decision about surgery was made long ago and my actions throughout my entire life have been in search of this. I just never expected to actually say yes or no to having the surgery. I never thought this was possible for me...

It just feels to me like a decision has already been made but I am having difficulty accepting the reality of being able to actually do it. Deep down I want this so bad it hurts....no one will see...no one will ever know except me....and that is fine with me....because me is who I am doing this for.

If I am going to have to pay the high price I am for just being me then I will be the complete me that I want. It is now time for me to stand and be true to myself...
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on September 21, 2017, 04:21:45 am
Well Lady, it is about time you opened your eyes to see what has always been in front of them.

 Hugs'
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on September 21, 2017, 02:55:53 pm
Liz,
   You are right, it is for no one but you. I will tell you that at this point after surgery, I don't know if I will ever be fully functional. The thing is, when the clothes come off, when I look down there and see the right anatomy, it is an amazing feeling. It has made such a difference in losing that damn dysphoria itch I have always had, that nagging feeling that something was wrong. You must judge for yourself and find that happy place.
Moni
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 21, 2017, 05:03:08 pm
Well Lady, it is about time you opened your eyes to see what has always been in front of them.

 Hugs'
   Laurie

I wish it was that simple Laurie  ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 21, 2017, 05:24:45 pm
Liz,
   You are right, it is for no one but you. I will tell you that at this point after surgery, I don't know if I will ever be fully functional. The thing is, when the clothes come off, when I look down there and see the right anatomy, it is an amazing feeling. It has made such a difference in losing that damn dysphoria itch I have always had, that nagging feeling that something was wrong. You must judge for yourself and find that happy place.
Moni

I guess I feel similar to you...functionality whilst important is not be all and end all of what I want...I guess for me I feel very indifferent to my genitalia and used to fantasise about it being gone...all the time...for as long as I can remember. I want that final part that will make me feel complete...its about the best I can come up with...I can come up with a 100 reason why not too but none of them have the same weight as the case for surgery....
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 24, 2017, 10:00:27 pm
Today makes 2 full years of Transition and I have been on HRT for about 16 months.  I went and found the post I made on that day 2 years ago and you can read the full post here  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,196498.msg1749247.html#msg1749247). I have included the last paragraph because it seems to me to most poignant part of the entire post. This is my mindset when I started this journey

.......
.......
.......
Not much else I can really say except

I am Transgender

I am a Transsexual woman

I am both these things and for the first time in my life I feel hope! It is not a feeling I have experienced in a long time and never when it comes to me personally. I want this from the deepest part of me. I have always known there is a woman in there and she is nearing her time to be out in the light. I hate being male and always have...and that ladies is my truth.

Sarah T

I have come a long way and shed many tears along the way. I went looking for a post at the one year mark and couldn't find anything significant other than this gem from the 22nd of September last year.

......I realised a few days ago and with a certain amount of pleasure, that I am not able to go topless any longer...the "Girls" have made themselves known. I am about 4 months HRT and I guess I have been borderline for the last few weeks. I just noticed how prominent they are with appropriate proportions and I can no longer go topless as it is obvious what I have :) :)..

how about you?

did someone tell you or did you notice yourself?

Liz

So there are only a couple of things left for me to do now and one is talk about the last 12 months the other we will get to next.

The Last 12 Months


The last 12 months have been a mixed bag...I have lost my youngest brother to his own insecurities. I have my new name almost everywhere and will be putting into place the final bits and pieces to complete the name and gender change. I have cemented my own feeling on being trans and am living fulltime as my authentic self for the last 6+months.

I have developed some close friendships with the LBGTQI community which was a brand new experience for me. I remain a complete novice in regards to the entire community and am only involved on a minor level at this stage. As I have become more accepting of myself I have also begun to actively seek out like minded Trans friends to hang out with. I have met some wonderful people here at Susans and some of these IRL, others have taken much longer to develop. I am heading out on Friday night for diner and drinks (lemonade for me) with the girls. Twelve months ago the thought of being in public as myself was a real fear inducing activity, I certainly would not have entertained the idea that I could have gone out for diner with 4-5 other trans ladies, maybe as their chaperone in guy mode but never as Liz.

About February I reached a point where flip flopping between presentations was driving me crazy so I went full time and have not looked back. I am much happier in myself than I have ever been. I still get misgendered from time to time and misnamed. It hurts when it happens and I am not afraid to correct people if they mess up, I am a woman and calling me anything else but that is very insulting. That is not to say if you mess up because you have known me in another way all my life then that is Ok so long as you TRY to remember, I can hear the difference and see the difference in your eyes.

My level of self acceptance has grown along with my confidence since going full time. The anxieties I have are in the main, refection's of how society reacts to me and not about my internalised stuff. Currently here in Australia we have a vote over the legalising of same sex marriage, personally I find the public debate of mine and my fellow LGBTQI Australians human rights to be highly undignified and extremely difficult to deal with. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. I came from a background of being viewed as being a straight white male and over the last couple of years find myself as part of a tiny minority...quite a culture shock for me but I now have a first hand experience of what it is like to be treated as a minority. Something I had taken for granted I might add.

The last 2 years have bought a mixture of things into mine and my wifes life, some great and unexpected, amazing highs and so not so great lows. But what is happening is that the bad stuff is steadily being outweighed by the good stuff...The sweet pleasure of hearing your name, Looking in the mirror and seeing the physical changes, feeling the softness of your skin, appreciating the new sense of calm that reside where turmoil used to, experiencing the small pleasure of being a woman and lastly the feeling of being dysphoria Free which I now sometimes have.

The second thing I wanted to talk about was the future.

I have spent a long time struggling for self acceptance knowing that until I got to this point my life would be forever a constant battle if I didn't. But I have arrived...I now know what I need to do in order to dispel the last of my physical and mental dysphoria. I will be booking a date for surgery this week and expect it will be late next year before the operation is able to proceed so that by the end of 2018 I will be post op. I am toying with the idea of having the surgery on my Birthday next year...a birthday is a celebration of life and I find it curiously appropriate to have this surgery on that date.

If you have made it this far, thanks for being there with me,

I probably think the easiest way to sum up my progress is to show you

This was July 2015  about the time I was considering transition. This is the only picture of pre me I have posted

(http://i.imgur.com/qG4sM6hh.jpg) (https://imgur.com/qG4sM6h)

this is about a week ago after having my hair cut and coloured

(http://i.imgur.com/LzLZOPGh.jpg) (https://imgur.com/LzLZOPG)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 24, 2017, 11:42:09 pm
Congrats  Liz you have come. a long way..... 🎉🎆👏
You certainly look much happier 😊 and prettier 
Only 4mths until no topless.... I'm getting  nervous 😂
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on September 25, 2017, 03:26:44 am
Liz darling you have travelled far and travelled well.

 I said once to you at Venue 63 during your early days that I could see the happiness in your eyes while the first time I met you they were dead.

The pictures tell the story. A dead man walking goes to a happy vibrant woman.

You rock Girl :laugh: :-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 28, 2017, 05:12:11 pm


GULP BIG DEEP Breaths!!!!.... :icon_censored: :icon_censored:

My first session of genital laser this morning and I am sweating bricks...I am somewhat apprehensive you could say...

But as the English saying goes just..."Lie back and think of England"

Maybe lie back and think of Aussie would be closer....Good thing is it will be quick. I can't find an Electrologist in Adelaide that does genital stuff but still looking...that I don't even want to think about. LOL
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 28, 2017, 08:10:45 pm
Back again...whole thing took about 10 minutes, at its very worst it felt a bit like a pubic hair getting caught in a zipper...but most of it was easy for me to tolerate. After the first couple of zaps I realised very quickly it was going to be quite tolerable. So we worked out a schedule and we are going to every 4 weeks for 4 sessions and then start spreading them out.

It usually takes about 6 sessions, but since I am having this done as surgery prep then they will do a few more.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on September 28, 2017, 08:28:30 pm
  Dog gone it Liz I was hoping to hear you needed dental blocks or something. Perhaps the ol' square needle in the left nut kind of thing. Party pooper.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 29, 2017, 03:33:29 am
"Mr Limpy/Clyde" was not happy
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on September 29, 2017, 04:04:14 am
 '' You need to  set that date so Mr LImpy/ Clyde  know when he  will go away. Make sort of a dooms day clock for him.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 30, 2017, 04:28:08 am
Interesting experience on Thursday, I attended a Hypnotherapy session and before any of you lunatics suggest I was running around barking and howling at the moon...not that kind of Hypnotherapy  ;D

My goal was to see if I could find a way to "self hypnotise" so that when I am having any one of several painful procedure's (Electrolysis springs to mind) I may find some better way of dealing with he discomfort other than using creams, injections and pills.

The session was scheduled to run for 90 minutes and during it we discussed what kind of outcome I was looking for. She then Hypnotised me and recorded the session as an MP3 for me to use later at home to practice my self hypnosis. When I see her next we are going to do one to specifically for electrolysis.

It was such a relaxing experience and I was really surprised at how quickly time had flown, I really did mange to change the sensation I was feeling in a particular part of my body and with practice I have no doubt that I will be able to get some benefit...its going to be a matter of practice makes perfect...I will try it out partially, at Tuesdays session.

More updates to follow
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on September 30, 2017, 10:23:02 pm
Excellent, Liz!  Hypnotherapy is a great idea.  The mental state from self-hypnosis is very similar to the one reached through mindful meditation, a sort of detachment from the physical sensations that definitely makes electrolysis much easier.  This is how I've gotten through my Monday marathons (two 2 hour sessions of electrolysis).  I'm down to just one session of 2 hours a week now, fortunately.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 01, 2017, 03:45:55 am
Excellent, Liz!  Hypnotherapy is a great idea.  The mental state from self-hypnosis is very similar to the one reached through mindful meditation, a sort of detachment from the physical sensations that definitely makes electrolysis much easier.  This is how I've gotten through my Monday marathons (two 2 hour sessions of electrolysis).  I'm down to just one session of 2 hours a week now, fortunately.

To be honest Michelle you talking about mindfulness is in part what got me started on the Hypnotism. I thought there are many who are able to do this kind of thing for all sorts of stuff. I have a session next week where we are going to do one designed specifically for Electrolysis. I said her I felt a bit conditioned by the machine beep followed by the sting. I have managed to obtain a sense of detachment and even managed to change the sensation in my hand.

I am impressed so far...will keep updating...I am still doing an hour a week in the chair but that is becoming more and more difficult to maintain...I suspect we are nearly at two week intervals and are on the really light stuff now...with no more heavy gauge hair left...its all very light close to villous but not quite. Under 10 hrs is her best guess but my top lip has been hanging in there for far longer than either of us thought possible considering how well the rest responded
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on October 01, 2017, 11:15:26 am
   My first thought was Liz is gonna hypnotize her way through GCS. What a brave woman!  I then noticed the reference to Clyde and thought, "What manner of crazy thread is this? I must be in the Australian Twilight Zone." "A place between day and night! You have entered the Twilight Zone, Mate." We miss you Rod! Agh, Rod Serling, that is!
    If I had to choose between electrolysis in the lower area and the upper lip, I would not pick the lip. Maybe I can visualize doing the lower area when I go back to have my lip done. (Not making fun of the hypnosis, it is a cool idea.)
Moni
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 01, 2017, 08:15:28 pm
   My first thought was Liz is gonna hypnotize her way through GCS. What a brave woman!  I then noticed the reference to Clyde and thought, "What manner of crazy thread is this? I must be in the Australian Twilight Zone." "A place between day and night! You have entered the Twilight Zone, Mate." We miss you Rod! Agh, Rod Serling, that is!
    If I had to choose between electrolysis in the lower area and the upper lip, I would not pick the lip. Maybe I can visualize doing the lower area when I go back to have my lip done. (Not making fun of the hypnosis, it is a cool idea.)
Moni

It a weird thing my Hypnotist(clinical Psychologist) was telling me about attending a session where they performed surgery and used Hypnosis instead of knocking the patient out....not me...no way...I have managed to get myself into quite a detached state last night along with getting the sensation in my hand to change...but as far as GCS...No, No, No, No....No, I want the good stuff...the see you in the morning...out cold....a WMD would not wake me....good night sister...stuff. I want to know nothing!!!!!

I have been thinking about what you said Moni and I can't really steal the term Mr Limpy (from Michelle...I did see a ransom note for him somewhere I am sure) and Clyde (well who knows what happened to that poor gentle soul...something about him now being useful and something about a purse) So I have decided in honour of the other useless appendage I removed from my life last month, I am going to be referring to it/him as Richard...I would use the shorter nickname for Richard but since this is a family show I will leave it to those who know, to fill in the blanks.

I am just waiting till the workmen leave my house so I can make some phone calls to confirm dates and costs and times etc...I have tried twice and each time as I have just dialled the jackhammer would start again or the tile remover or the industrial vacuum......I give up maybe in a few hours.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 04, 2017, 04:43:55 pm
Well what an eventful few days

Had an really unusual encounter with my new HRT Dr which left a really bad taste in my mouth and has me looking for yet another Dr. I had some blood test done a week ago last Monday and by Thursday had not heard a resuilt. I emailed the Dr's rooms on Thursday morning letting them know which labs I had used for my test and that I would be around all day should someone need to call. By Friday evening(just before the long weekend) I called the Dr's office as I had still not had a response or even an acknowledgement of my email,to be told the Dr was away today and back on Tuesday. No worries will talk to her when she gets back.

Tuesday afternoon at 3:30 I finally get an email in response to Thursday's email saying the Dr was away today and back on Wednesday. I replied that I was disappointed it had taken so long to respond to my email.  I then received a call from the receptionist that since  my need  was "Urgent" that I speak to the Dr, she had called her and she had just landed in Adelaide, she had been away all week at a conference and she would call me in a couple of hours. I told the receptionist that, this was not necessary as I didn't feel it was urgent and  the Dr can call me during normal business hours. I was very clear about this.

2 hours later I get what can only be described as a somewhat "rude" call from the Dr wanting to know what was so urgent...I again explained what I had said to the receptionist nothing was urgent. Anyway the discussion went on and it was clear she was annoyed. She said to me about how "she has this problem with all of DR X's patients because their levels were so high" that for me, this current level, was the new normal and to get used to it...(I cannot go on indefinitely  feeling the way I do at the moment)  and that if my GD was increasing then maybe I need to see a Psych...but in the next breath suggested she "might" prescribe a tiny dose of Progynova to "tide me over" until the level (now 287pg/ml) gets lower(150 or below). Total contradiction in what she has just said..."if I need HRT to feel better then go get some psych help but here is a small dose of progynova to help you feel better" HUH?

 She wants my levels to be around 150 before putting in another pellet which for some reason she seemed quite adverse to. She wants me on patches and gave me a huge lecture about how good they were...despite already having that conversation with her about the glue from patches having an adverse reaction on my skin...she behaved like this was some kind of excuse to not use patches....it was disappointing to be spoken down to in this way. So I have an appointment in another 2 1/2 weeks to see her. By this time my levels will be well below 150  and at the rate they are falling, they are already going to around the 230 mark as of today because they are dropping at twice the rate over the last 4 weeks than they were over the previous 12. She does not want a blood test prior to my next appointment to confirm my levels. Go figure?...She come highly recommended and is supposed to be good at what she does  having also worked with my surgeon so I have good reason to want to stay with her. I don't care about the numbers particularly I care about how I feel and the results I get. When I told her I had stopped using the T cream as I didn't like how I felt using it she threatened to stop treating me because of non compliance. I was astounded...I had stopped using the T cream  at the same time I got the blood test...prior to that I was using it as directed...very heavy handed tactics

However I am not going to see a Dr that I have to continually battle to get a reasonable level of HRT to a point where I feel like a human...I understand she is conservative but her call was just down right rude, unprofessional and made no sense to me.

She did however reduce me to tears and during the last part of the conversation I said nothing as she went off half cocked talking about my other medical condition which she clearly knows NOTHING about. In the end she said that she was not sure what was happening(I wasn't responding to her tirade) and that she could not see the non verbal ques from me so wasn't sure how I was reacting.... I said I would make an appointment to see her. I was astonished at her reaction. I have seen her once, she doesn't know me from a bar of soap...but she made a hell of a lot of assumptions.
I made a post yesterday about this but was so upset I took it down again...

I am going to get an appointment with an Endocrinologist as a backup because I would not accept that behaviour from any of my other Dr's. I am willing to accept that she was not on her best form (having returned from being away for a week) but unless she is willing to give me some kind of HRT treatment at my next appointment then there is no point in seeing her. Hell I may as well go back to my old one at least I felt far better under her care than I do at the moment with the only issue being low T which can be fixed.

So to top all this off we are having our bathroom renovated and we find out yesterday after the workmen have left that the tiles have been put on vertically instead of horizontally(which was called for in the plan). Called the guy and he came out, apologised and then told us he want $1000 to fix his mistake(he had already accepted responsibility) he left after a somewhat unpleasant discussion.

We agreed we would accept the tiles the wrong way round, for practical reasons only...we don't have another bathroom and need this one finished...a protracted row over this is not going to help, he is a small family business...this could go on for months  but I said when he left after the discussion over the tiles that if there were other issues we would have a huge problem.

Both Meryl and I were understandably upset by this and just before we went to bed Meryl calls be back into the bathroom to discover the area they have prepped for the new shower was exactly the same size as the old one. The only reason to remove the bath was to extend the shower which was the main goal of the bathroom renovation..a bigger shower!!!...how do we know?...there is an electrical point right in the middle of where the new shower screen should sit. He will be here in about an hour or so and I will have it out with him then over yet another basic careless mistake. 

When he gets here today he will be told to ensure this issue is sorted at no cost to us or he can pack his stuff up and go...we will then find someone else to finish the Job...... what a heck of a  few days......
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on October 04, 2017, 05:03:15 pm
receptionists and builders, you have your work cut out (any receptionists and builders reading this don't take it personally) Hope you get things sorted soon.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on October 04, 2017, 05:20:44 pm
I'd love to know if this horrible abrasive manner from the endo is a common occurrence!

That is just plain disgusting.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on October 04, 2017, 06:15:11 pm
Well what an eventful few days

Had an really unusual encounter with my new HRT Dr which left a really bad taste in my mouth and has me looking for yet another Dr. I had some blood test done a week ago last Monday and by Thursday had not heard a resuilt. I emailed the Dr's rooms on Thursday morning letting them know which labs I had used for my test and that I would be around all day should someone need to call. By Friday evening(just before the long weekend) I called the Dr's office as I had still not had a response or even an acknowledgement of my email,to be told the Dr was away today and back on Tuesday. No worries will talk to her when she gets back.

Tuesday afternoon at 3:30 I finally get an email in response to Thursday's email saying the Dr was away today and back on Wednesday. I replied that I was disappointed it had taken so long to respond to my email.  I then received a call from the receptionist that since  my need  was "Urgent" that I speak to the Dr, she had called her and she had just landed in Adelaide, she had been away all week at a conference and she would call me in a couple of hours. I told the receptionist that, this was not necessary as I didn't feel it was urgent and  the Dr can call me during normal business hours. I was very clear about this.

2 hours later I get what can only be described as a somewhat "rude" call from the Dr wanting to know what was so urgent...I again explained what I had said to the receptionist nothing was urgent. Anyway the discussion went on and it was clear she was annoyed. She said to me about how "she has this problem with all of DR X's patients because their levels were so high" that for me, this current level, was the new normal and to get used to it...(I cannot go on indefinitely  feeling the way I do at the moment)  and that if my GD was increasing then maybe I need to see a Psych...but in the next breath suggested she "might" prescribe a tiny dose of Progynova to "tide me over" until the level (now 287pg/ml) gets lower(150 or below). Total contradiction in what she has just said..."if I need HRT to feel better then go get some psych help but here is a small dose of progynova to help you feel better" HUH?

 She wants my levels to be around 150 before putting in another pellet which for some reason she seemed quite adverse to. She wants me on patches and gave me a huge lecture about how good they were...despite already having that conversation with her about the glue from patches having an adverse reaction on my skin...she behaved like this was some kind of excuse to not use patches....it was disappointing to be spoken down to in this way. So I have an appointment in another 2 1/2 weeks to see her. By this time my levels will be well below 150  and at the rate they are falling, they are already going to around the 230 mark as of today because they are dropping at twice the rate over the last 4 weeks than they were over the previous 12. She does not want a blood test prior to my next appointment to confirm my levels. Go figure?...She come highly recommended and is supposed to be good at what she does  having also worked with my surgeon so I have good reason to want to stay with her. I don't care about the numbers particularly I care about how I feel and the results I get. When I told her I had stopped using the T cream as I didn't like how I felt using it she threatened to stop treating me because of non compliance. I was astounded...I had stopped using the T cream  at the same time I got the blood test...prior to that I was using it as directed...very heavy handed tactics

However I am not going to see a Dr that I have to continually battle to get a reasonable level of HRT to a point where I feel like a human...I understand she is conservative but her call was just down right rude, unprofessional and made no sense to me.

She did however reduce me to tears and during the last part of the conversation I said nothing as she went off half cocked talking about my other medical condition which she clearly knows NOTHING about. In the end she said that she was not sure what was happening(I wasn't responding to her tirade) and that she could not see the non verbal ques from me so wasn't sure how I was reacting.... I said I would make an appointment to see her. I was astonished at her reaction. I have seen her once, she doesn't know me from a bar of soap...but she made a hell of a lot of assumptions.
I made a post yesterday about this but was so upset I took it down again...

I am going to get an appointment with an Endocrinologist as a backup because I would not accept that behaviour from any of my other Dr's. I am willing to accept that she was not on her best form (having returned from being away for a week) but unless she is willing to give me some kind of HRT treatment at my next appointment then there is no point in seeing her. Hell I may as well go back to my old one at least I felt far better under her care than I do at the moment with the only issue being low T which can be fixed.

So to top all this off we are having our bathroom renovated and we find out yesterday after the workmen have left that the tiles have been put on vertically instead of horizontally(which was called for in the plan). Called the guy and he came out, apologised and then told us he want $1000 to fix his mistake(he had already accepted responsibility) he left after a somewhat unpleasant discussion.

We agreed we would accept the tiles the wrong way round, for practical reasons only...we don't have another bathroom and need this one finished...a protracted row over this is not going to help, he is a small family business...this could go on for months  but I said when he left after the discussion over the tiles that if there were other issues we would have a huge problem.

Both Meryl and I were understandably upset by this and just before we went to bed Meryl calls be back into the bathroom to discover the area they have prepped for the new shower was exactly the same size as the old one. The only reason to remove the bath was to extend the shower which was the main goal of the bathroom renovation..a bigger shower!!!...how do we know?...there is an electrical point right in the middle of where the new shower screen should sit. He will be here in about an hour or so and I will have it out with him then over yet another basic careless mistake. 

When he gets here today he will be told to ensure this issue is sorted at no cost to us or he can pack his stuff up and go...we will then find someone else to finish the Job...... what a heck of a  few days......
Liz,

  The HRT doc has a good point. You do need to find a Psych (Shrink) and then introduce  that person to the HRT doc to fix her. While they are at it, let them have a go at your fool bathroom contractor. Oh my, you have been through it, huh? So sorry for this aggravation. Keep your chin up Sweetie.
Moni
My regards to Richard. (by nickname you don't mean little Ricky, do you Lucy? Oh how bout Ricky Ricardo? Bah Bah Lou!)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 04, 2017, 06:24:47 pm
receptionists and builders, you have your work cut out (any receptionists and builders reading this don't take it personally) Hope you get things sorted soon.

He arrived and tried to apologise again and I asked that we not go over this again but to check the measurements of the shower...he did and has since made some "Adjustments to the size"...he understands that we are not happy but I have also told him to move on...we have...he should to and just worry about  finishing the job.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 04, 2017, 06:30:48 pm
I'd love to know if this horrible abrasive manner from the endo is a common occurrence!

That is just plain disgusting.

I have a suspicion that one of the receptionists picked up my message late on the Tuesday as it had got missed and instead of owning up to not responding to me she has covered her backside by painting me out to have caused a huge issue, which in turn makes the Dr think I am being over the top and demanding, so my opening comment to her that I appreciated the call but there was no urgency to it and that I thought I had made that clear was ignored.  It does not however excuse the rest of it...lets put that down to a busy week and being set up my the receptionist?? I will give her the benefit of Doubt.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on October 04, 2017, 06:35:15 pm
With what you've related and  the upset it caused you, I would be more inclined to doubt the benefit myself.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 04, 2017, 06:37:39 pm
Liz,

  The HRT doc has a good point. You do need to find a Psych (Shrink) and then introduce  that person to the HRT doc to fix her. While they are at it, let them have a go at your fool bathroom contractor. Oh my, you have been through it, huh? So sorry for this aggravation. Keep your chin up Sweetie.
Moni
My regards to Richard. (by nickname you don't mean little Ricky, do you Lucy? Oh how bout Ricky Ricardo? Bah Bah Lou!)

Love your work Moni...I will be nice when I see her...I really hate it when they immediately take the attitude they are doing you a huge favour just by seeing you and know better....at one point she quoted the new Endo guidelines immediately after telling me what my current level was...anyway I am now starting to make plans for a backup. At least the bathroom is somewhat back on track 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 04, 2017, 06:43:04 pm
With what you've related and  the upset it caused you, I would be more inclined to doubt the benefit myself.

Thanks for yesterday and listening to me explode or should I say implode...I do not want to change Dr and won't so long as she is willing to provide me with a reasonable treatment regime at the next appointment
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on October 04, 2017, 06:47:29 pm
Well okay I suppose but I still say keelhaul them both and the receptionist too for good measure.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 04, 2017, 07:35:54 pm
Bah tradies  I used to be one and I just did the job before I got paid.... no deposit  if it wasn't  done right I would do it again
Did you pay up front  ? I've always  found when I've done that they slack off....
I would find another doc you don't have to put up with that crap.... that's unbelievable  ....some of these docs are a bit too dictatorial
btw  lazer on the genital area works well  I wanted some hair left there but after 2 sessions it's really made a diff  so I, m going with the bare look
🌹
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on October 04, 2017, 07:50:04 pm
Bah tradies  I used to be one and I just did the job before I got paid.... no deposit  if it wasn't  done right I would do it again
Did you pay up front  ? I've always  found when I've done that they slack off....
I would find another doc you don't have to put up with that crap.... that's unbelievable  ....some of these docs are a bit too dictatorial
btw  lazer on the genital area works well  I wanted some hair left there but after 2 sessions it's really made a diff  so I, m going with the bare look
🌹

  You dark haired people make me jealous. Keel haul all of you. For me it's one dang hair at a time
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 04, 2017, 07:59:30 pm
Bah tradies  I used to be one and I just did the job before I got paid.... no deposit  if it wasn't  done right I would do it again
Did you pay up front  ? I've always  found when I've done that they slack off....
I would find another doc you don't have to put up with that crap.... that's unbelievable  ....some of these docs are a bit too dictatorial
btw  lazer on the genital area works well  I wanted some hair left there but after 2 sessions it's really made a diff  so I, m going with the bare look
🌹

Thanks for your input Markie, we gave him about 1/4 of the total are still withholding 4k until job completion.

As far as the Dr goes I am not a happy lady as Laurie can well attest too...but I just want to get on with it and if she is going to pull this stuff again then I am not going to bother with her. If she had not come so highly recommended I would not be hanging in there with her. One more appointment and hopefully we can get back on track.


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 04, 2017, 09:15:50 pm
Well that's good to hear you got to be stern  with them  😈
yes well fair enough  once you meet in person again you can patch it up my first  doc was nice enough but a bit too dramatic.... it's funny  but it seems male. Dr's are good and female pyschiatrists are good
and to think I was avoiding  a male. Dr like the plague 😂
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 10, 2017, 07:29:01 am
The Good

It has been an eventful days since I last posted. My last post talked about the issues we were having around our bathroom and my troubles with my HRT Dr. Since then the bathroom has been completed, it wasn’t without issue but we got there in the end. Since my last conversation with my HRT Dr I have made a few decision the first of which is that I will be seeking a second opinion. I called to make an appointment with a well-qualified Endocrinologist and was told that I was in luck as there had been a cancellation this week on Thursday. As luck would have it I was also able to get an appointment with my GP enabling her to do the referral straightaway for me. The only appointment I could get my other HRT Dr was not until the 23rd of this month which of course was very frustrating.

I also finally received a call back from the woman organising my health insurance offering me a slightly better deal than she had when I rang. Based on this new deal I have decided to proceed and my new health insurance will come into effect as of the 26th of this month. I have a years wait period before the insurance will pay but that is to be expected as it is a pre-existing condition. I have contacted the hospital where I will be having the surgery to ensure that I have adequate coverage but am still waiting on confirmation of this.

Not long after organising my insurance I received a call from the HRT Dr who I’ve had the issues with. She called to say that she had noticed that I had not books another appointment until later in the month. She went on to say that by the time of the appointment date she now felt that my E levels would be low enough (they will be <100) in order for her to insert the pellet. She is going to send out a prescription for the new pellet but has specified the pharmacy that I need to get the pellet compounded in. The pharmacy that she wants me to use is a “packed lunch and a water bottle distance” from where I live. Just making seeing her even more difficult.

The Bad
Last Friday I received a text from my father requesting a Skype call with me. This is highly unusual as it is normally myself that is making a request for a call. So I placed a call and we began to chat about all sorts of the usual stuff. We talked about what him and my mother had been doing, the interactions they had had with other members of the family including my brothers. What things had been happening in their life if any and this was reciprocated by my father asking similar questions of me.

For the first time in I don’t know how long, he asked me how my younger brother was who lives in the same city as me here in Australia. This is not something he usually asks but has done on rare occasions. Considering the bust up him and I had a few weeks ago this is very co-incidental. He asked me had I seen my brother and I said no and I was not likely to. He then asked why and when I said I didn’t wish to discuss it he got really bent out of shape with me so I capitulated and explained to him my reasons, things between him and I became a little strained. You know when you speak with someone and they have strong feelings on a particular subject which is in direct opposite to how you feel, you have a choice to either get into an argument or let it go for a more appropriate time. In this case I chose let it go at this time because it was obvious we were going to have an argument. It was also obvious that my father has some quite set ideas when it comes to political correctness and my name and pronouns fall under this category. He automatically started to attack me on the basis that the falling out between my brother and I was about political correctness. I had a somewhat different view

What I think was worse for me is that he indirectly defended my brother. In the end I spelt it out to him and said that it is very simple and easy to be an ally to me, to my face, it is however, a far more difficult prospect, when you are faced to do this when I am not around. That those people I call my allies are able to be my ally even when I am not there and this is the true mark of a real ally. In the end I don’t think he understood much of what I was talking about or maybe just didn’t want to know but I told him that my door is always open and my brother knew where I live if he felt the need to apologise and come back into my life. I made it abundantly clear that I would not approach him again.

The Somewhat Sad

Today I had an appointment with a clinical psychologist I have been seeing now for two years. We discussed in very general terms how things have been for me over the last six months and what the next 12 months held for me. She is going to be one of the people that write my letters for surgery. She was not entirely sure whether she was able to do this as she thought she could only write top surgery letters and I don’t need a letter for top surgery but has promised that she will follow this up and if she is unable to she will certainly put me onto someone who is able to write the second letter.

I explained to her the issues I had had with my HRT doctor and that the HRT doctor had said I probably require some psychological help if my gender dysphoria is troubling me and not rely on the hormones to fix my GD. My psychologist just about fell off her chair in exasperation saying that that is half the reason we prescribe HRT to relieve gender dysphoria. The condition is a physiological not a psychological condition but as a result of this she then got on her phone and found me an appointment with yet another endocrinologist who specialises in transgender health. This particular Dr actually specialises in gender dysphoria so I guess I really couldn’t ask for a better type of doctor.

Once again Alex Jolley showed me a huge amount of warmth, compassion and care. This was a bittersweet moment for me, the end of my need for professional psychological help but also the loss of a confidant, ally and professional friend. I ended the session by giving her a hug and thanking her for saving my life. I know that last part may sound a little dramatic but it is actually the truth. When I saw Alex over two years ago I was on the verge of giving up and giving in.
So I guess I have reached a milestone in my transition as neither my primary psychiatrist nor my primary therapist think I require any further psychological help in dealing with my transition and are both happy to write the letters for surgery without seeing me again.

The end of one chapter and so the beginning of the last act is at hand, the “remaking” of “Richard”

The Current State of HRT Play

I currently have an appointment this Thursday with a new doctor, next Thursday with a new doctor and finally the following Monday with my old HRT doctor. So far the second “Thursday doctor” works for Shine SA and will see me at no cost to me. My other two appointments will cost me somewhere around $300 each appointment. So I’m going to cancel my first appointment on Thursday and postpone this till well after I have seen my current HRT doctor. I feel that the doctor I am going to see at shine SA being an LGBTQI doctor might be the best option that I can take without burning either of the other doctors.


Phew...I really should do these a bit more often.... :D


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Anne Blake on October 10, 2017, 03:22:10 pm
Hi Liz,

You and I have been watching each other's journey for some time now and it is a joy to see the progress you have been making. While your family struggles continue, it is good to see you maintain balance and not have them take you into the negative spiral. And to see you navigating through the medical system waters, while still frustrating, more effectively, is also joyful. I am glad that you are able to see completions ahead. Many blessings on your continued journey.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on October 10, 2017, 03:26:15 pm
Bit like the apple I had for lunch, mostly good. Need to kick my GP next week to get them to do joint management with private HRT firm. Hang on in there Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 10, 2017, 10:22:32 pm
Hi Liz,

You and I have been watching each other's journey for some time now and it is a joy to see the progress you have been making. While your family struggles continue, it is good to see you maintain balance and not have them take you into the negative spiral. And to see you navigating through the medical system waters, while still frustrating, more effectively, is also joyful. I am glad that you are able to see completions ahead. Many blessings on your continued journey.

Tia Anne

You are exactly right we have been watching each other’s journeys haven’t we. We also started about the same time if I remember correctly. I have also been taking great delight in reading about your journey especially the more recent part. I’m so glad that you seem to have recovered so well from your surgery and your latest avatar you look absolutely radiant.

I guess I have had a few ups and downs with my family over the years, I was hoping that we would be much further ahead than where we are at this point in my transition. I am much more inclined to be patient with them rather than destroy the relationship we have. Families are weird and you can never seem to predict how they are going to behave.
I received an email from my surgeon’s hospital today to advise me that I was fully covered for surgery with the insurance that I had. The only thing I have left to do now is contact the surgeon and make a date for my surgery. I was just saying to my therapist or should I say X therapist that I felt this should have been a far more monumental decision than what it turned out to be. Each and every time I have thought about this response has always been the same “in a heart beat...”So I really shouldn’t be surprised should I.

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and words, I will be in touch very soon as promised to pick your brains  ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 10, 2017, 10:25:40 pm
Bit like the apple I had for lunch, mostly good. Need to kick my GP next week to get them to do joint management with private HRT firm. Hang on in there Liz

Hi Davina
thanks for dropping by and let's hope you can kick your GP next week and get this joint management going forward. Thanks for the words of encouragement every bit helps these days and I need as much as I can get.  ;)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 19, 2017, 08:48:11 am
Shine SA

Today I attended my appointment at Shine SA. This is my first encounter with the Shine organisation so really had no idea what to expect.

I arrived at the requested 15 minutes ahead of my scheduled appointment time, filled out the required paperwork and was seen by the doctor about 15 minutes after my appointment time. Dr Kent was the doctor that I saw and she was lovely. She greeted me as a kindred spirit, sat me down in her consulting room and told me what referral she had been given said I was there for. She then asked me if I would tell her my reasons for wanting to see her.

I explained to Dr Kent the reason for my visit to her and she immediately let me know that she is not currently qualified to insert pellets. She also told me that she had attended the latest Trans conference at which pellet implants appear to be on the decline in use in Australia. This is due mainly to the quality of the pellets which present issues with controlling dosage  and the limited number of qualified prescribers.

We chatted on for a while discussing the pro’s and cons of each delivery method and then it came down to the Dr offering me a choice of what I wanted. She was quite happy to prescribe either patches or gel of which I chose the gel. She only wants to see me initially to set up a regime that can be monitored by my GP with only a yearly consultation with her.
 
Probably the most important part of the whole consultation was listening to Dr Kent talk about treating trans women. She likes to operate like any doctor within what is considered safe parameters but places much more importance on how her patient is feeling. She clearly wants to minimise the risk but her philosophy seems to be insuring that gender dysphoria is kept at bay. She is a friendly likeable and pleasant person whom I am sure I will have no difficulty working with. She is not trying to control my entire health but work as part of a multidisciplinary team.

Today’s visit cost me nothing because I have a health care card. If any girls in Adelaide are looking for a treating doctor to prescribe HRT I would not hesitate in recommending Dr Kent, I found her attitude delightfully refreshing and the whole experience my best by far.

So finally after nearly 6 weeks I am finally back on track with E finally flowing through my system again. It will take a little while for things to settle but just knowing they are going to improve from here  on out is a relief.

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: AnonyMs on October 19, 2017, 09:22:47 am
Shine SA
I explained to Dr Kent the reason for my visit to her and she immediately let me know that she is not currently qualified to insert pellets. She also told me that she had attended the latest Trans conference at which pellet implants appear to be on the decline in use in Australia. This is due mainly to the quality of the pellets which present issues with controlling dosage  and the limited number of qualified prescribers.

I find this very difficult to believe. As far as I know there aren't any qualifications to use pellets, except for the need to prescribed and insert them. I've not heard of any quality problems either and I suspect I would have.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 19, 2017, 05:19:45 pm
I find this very difficult to believe. As far as I know there aren't any qualifications to use pellets, except for the need to prescribed and insert them. I've not heard of any quality problems either and I suspect I would have.

She is the third Dr to mention that the consistency and quality of the compounding has been an issue. She said she needs to be trained and certified? to use the equipment to insert the pellet is what she is meaning.

When I was given my most recent prescription for a pellet the prescribing Dr was quite insistent that I used a particular compounding pharmacy to ensure I had the best quality to help mitigate the possibility of issues. In Adelaide there are only 3 Drs that use pellets and only one with a preference for them.  She told me sometimes there are issues with the quality of the compounding as well (she use the same pharmacy). So I have no reason not to believe her. She was even happy to have me go off and have the pellet put in my another Dr who was trained  and come back and see her. She has no bias against them but doesn't think they are as good as other methods.

I hope that clarifies my comments...personally I would be very happy to keep having pellets but I am not going through this carry on every 6-9 months and if I want a pellet then I have no choice. Apply a bit of gel will just become part of my daily routine. I used it last night for the first time and I have to say it was pretty darn simple and at the moment it is costing me nothing, not even for the visit.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on October 19, 2017, 05:26:33 pm
Free is good. Leaves more money for things like ice cream, olives and jalapeno slices.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 19, 2017, 10:12:28 pm
interesting  as I was going to try for pellets but now I might give it a miss, do let us know now you go with the gel 😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 20, 2017, 01:35:25 am
interesting  as I was going to try for pellets but now I might give it a miss, do let us know now you go with the gel 😊

I think you have to assess who you are dealing with and what suits your lifestyle. The first Dr who had me on pellets would add another new one at 6 months... and there was never an issue with the timings. With the right Dr and compounding clinic you may find as do others that pellets are their best option. But for me and my circumstances I think the gel will work better. The cost is also a big factor as I have to start planning long term, using Shine SA will keep all visits free. I will keep you posted as to how I go....I know AnonyMs has good things to say about her experience with Pellets....and so do a number of others.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on October 20, 2017, 01:58:32 am
That is great news for you Liz.

Just a comment on pellets that may help to clarify things. Liz and I were getting pellets from the same endo, she is well known in Adelaide and extremely experienced. When I left her practice and got my GP to look after my HRT she offered to use pellets but said that she had no experience in the process and would have to learn. The technique is to make a small cut to the subcutaneous level, press the pellet into the area firmly using an implant forcep and then seal the cut with a stitch or two. With practice the technique is simple and safe however it is not a common technique for the average GP to perform and there are risks. Not the least being perforation of the peritoneal cavity if done on the abdomen. Many GPs would need a lesson or two from an experienced practitioner and of course buy the necessary tools to do the procedure and of course access pellets. So it isn't a technique that is commonly practiced by all medics. My GP was happy for me to be her test crash dummy. I decided on patches  :laugh:
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 20, 2017, 05:29:27 am
Thanks Cindy for clarifying what is actually required for a GP to be able to do this procedure.  :D  I didn't know a great deal about what was required from the Drs point of view, my role was pretty simple, to be still until the Dr was finished  :D

As I said to Markie I think pellets are the perfect solution for some people and I do not doubt for one second that there are pharmacies in Australia who do get it right when it comes to making these pellets.


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 22, 2017, 08:56:40 am
I must admit it would be nice not having  to take pills I know of one west Australian who does the pellets here
and they are doing the job with her 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 22, 2017, 07:44:42 pm
I must admit it would be nice not having  to take pills I know of one west Australian who does the pellets here
and they are doing the job with her

None of the Drs I have seen will entertain the idea of pills. Again DVT is the main issue they are scared of and I have to say I am happy to take their advice on it. I am finding the gel about as simply as you can get to use and I can feel it starting to work.                                                                   
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on October 23, 2017, 05:03:06 pm
Good news then if your feeling the effects , looks like I will be on patches (sticky leg syndrome?) and possible injections for T blockers.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 25, 2017, 04:56:24 am
I have been a bit preoccupied over the last month or so with sorting out my own HRT issues as well as contemplating my GCS. Approaching a week using the new  E Gel and I am starting to feel a bit more like my old self. I have started my genital prep and organised my private insurance for GCS despite not really making any decision wether or not to proceed.

I don't really know what I expected but the whole "decision" around GCS wasn't or hasn't really been a single "decision", it seems to have been series of small decisions, it almost feels like I am now fulfilling a promise I made to myself a long time ago.

Tomorrow my insurance kicks in, so today I booked and paid a deposit to lock the date in, for my GCS with Dr Ives for November 28 2018 In Melbourne.

45 + years of contemplation, wishing it in every way I know how and now its going to be a reality. So it all still feels a little surreal.   

My first reaction after putting the phone down was to burst into tears of joy and relief....I haven't really stopped smiling since.  ;D

The only thing standing between me and GCS is about 10kg which I put on after quitting smoking and starting HRT...I have the motivation now to lose it and am aiming at 90kgs which is 5 below the minimum my surgeon wants. The heathier and fitter I can be the better my recovery will be.

 :icon_archery: "Richard" my little friend your days are numbered.... ;)


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on October 25, 2017, 08:00:34 am
All I'm going to say here is congratulations Liz and I'm glad you got the appointment made.
 A big hug for you .

 Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 25, 2017, 03:40:26 pm
Thanks Laurie, Appreciate the vote of confidence.  :D

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on October 25, 2017, 04:56:16 pm
wahey good news , bet that 12 months goes quick (hopefully)need to lose 20lb (that's about 10k?) race you.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 25, 2017, 06:31:49 pm
wahey good news , bet that 12 months goes quick (hopefully)need to lose 20lb (that's about 10k?) race you.

your on...lets do it !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjRA0vCV8iw

this can be our theme song
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on October 26, 2017, 04:22:07 pm
OMG,ONJ priceless. Game on then.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 29, 2017, 08:57:47 am
Wow Liz  i dont know what to  say ....except all the best ....um what type of surgery will it be ?
I havent heard much about grs in australia
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on October 29, 2017, 07:13:26 pm
Wow Liz  i dont know what to  say ....except all the best ....um what type of surgery will it be ?
I havent heard much about grs in australia

SRS.......Inverted penile technique....TMI? Will be in Melbourne with Dr Ives
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: BeverlyAnn on October 31, 2017, 11:27:32 pm
I have been a bit preoccupied over the last month or so with sorting out my own HRT issues as well as contemplating my GCS. Approaching a week using the new  E Gel and I am starting to feel a bit more like my old self. I have started my genital prep and organised my private insurance for GCS despite not really making any decision wether or not to proceed.

I don't really know what I expected but the whole "decision" around GCS wasn't or hasn't really been a single "decision", it seems to have been series of small decisions, it almost feels like I am now fulfilling a promise I made to myself a long time ago.

Tomorrow my insurance kicks in, so today I booked and paid a deposit to lock the date in, for my GCS with Dr Ives for November 28 2018 In Melbourne.

45 + years of contemplation, wishing it in every way I know how and now its going to be a reality. So it all still feels a little surreal.   

My first reaction after putting the phone down was to burst into tears of joy and relief....I haven't really stopped smiling since.  ;D

The only thing standing between me and GCS is about 10kg which I put on after quitting smoking and starting HRT...I have the motivation now to lose it and am aiming at 90kgs which is 5 below the minimum my surgeon wants. The heathier and fitter I can be the better my recovery will be.

 :icon_archery: "Richard" my little friend your days are numbered.... ;)

Hugs, my friend.  Glad to hear this.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on November 08, 2017, 03:53:25 am
OMG,ONJ priceless. Game on then.

How are you going?

I am now 104 from 105.5 would love to be under 100 by Xmass
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LauraValladares on November 08, 2017, 09:11:15 am
Congratulations! It always nice to hear stories. I hope to share my story soon too. :)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on November 08, 2017, 02:31:17 pm
14 st 1lb 197 lb , lost 2 or 3 lb (it does go up and down ,fluids and all) don't know what that is in kilos , must change switch on scales. Hols this week so not burning it off apart from holes in my arm from welding!!!!! Turned cold as well and that makes you eat more ,ground frost this morning. 3.5 C at 9.30 according to car.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on November 08, 2017, 04:07:15 pm
14 st 1lb 197 lb , lost 2 or 3 lb (it does go up and down ,fluids and all) don't know what that is in kilos , must change switch on scales. Hols this week so not burning it off apart from holes in my arm from welding!!!!! Turned cold as well and that makes you eat more ,ground frost this morning. 3.5 C at 9.30 according to car.
2-3 lbs is 1.3kg
197 is about 90 Kg's so I am about 15 Kgs heavier than you

Ouch that's cold
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on November 09, 2017, 03:03:19 pm
Would like to get to mid 12 ST or lower , would like to be 13 something by Christmas. Hot today 10 deg C !!!!!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on November 12, 2017, 02:39:10 am
So I got my Target weight from my surgeon on Friday 15 stone I would like to get to around 14 which is just above what is considered on paper to be my ideal weight. But when I have been at that weight in the past, I don't look very well.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 12, 2017, 11:43:02 pm
Is this a bmi target ? If i tried to achieve my bmi i would be a rake ......
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on November 16, 2017, 04:13:40 am
No I think BMI Target is about 80kgs and I look sick at anything below 90. He wants me at 96kg for Surgery healthy weight.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on November 16, 2017, 03:31:12 pm
After my Eldest came for tea , we did over do it, put 2 lb back on . Must put a lock on fridge door!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on November 18, 2017, 01:05:07 am
After my Eldest came for tea , we did over do it, put 2 lb back on . Must put a lock on fridge door!!!!!!!!

Love your pic.....oh well I have not exactly been good today....oh well  ;)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 18, 2017, 04:48:17 am
Oooh that date  is getting closer are you nervous ?
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on November 18, 2017, 11:58:32 am
Love your pic.....oh well I have not exactly been good today....oh well  ;)

 Well Liz Let's hope that today you have a much better day when you wake  to face the new day in your robe with a nice cup of coffee and a slice of toast with Vegemite on it. (shudder).  ((Hugs for you))

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on November 18, 2017, 02:52:48 pm
Cheers Liz, Christmas is coming we don't stand a chance!!!!!! New years resolutions then
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on December 03, 2017, 04:07:34 pm
Think I will start after Christmas , after meal with Kendra and then bought a BIG Stilton cheese
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on December 15, 2017, 02:19:21 am
I am back on the board again after a month of “taking care of business” which involved a number of things.

Firstly I think over the last 6 -12 months I have been a little complacent when it comes to my wife. Nothing huge or over the top just a gentle slipping of my attention. About 4 weeks ago I realised that whilst I may not have any problems moving through the world as a Trans Woman it was a more difficult prospect from my wife. Regardless of this she carried on in her usual loving way supporting me and doing things that made her uncomfortable. Once I noticed what was going on it concerned me as to how many other small ques I had missed from her and exactly how comfortable she is to be married to a Trans Woman.  So I have spent most of the time just being with and looking after her, strengthening our relationship a bit more I hope.

Add to this the reality of surgery which is such a personal thing and not something that is usually left for Dinner time discussions. I was feeling the pressure about my decision and how those close to me (My Wife) would react. Bearing in mind I have only told her exactly what is going on but both my daughters are astute enough to work it out. I am far more settled in my decision and find myself less panicked that someone is going to come along and put a stop to it. Unfortunately I have had an unexpected glitch with the tax department who think I owe them a huge amount of money. I have now provided the appropriate paperwork to them which I hope will sort things out. If it doesn’t then it could potentially put an end to my surgery. I don’t think it will get to that at least I hope not.

I had another very stressful Skype call with my father yesterday in which for the first time since I last spoke to him  I was mis-gendered and mis-named. It happens so rarely these days that I was stunned when it happened yesterday although I was expecting it. I didn’t realise it could be so hurtful even when expected. I was really upset after the call but really don’t know what to do about it. My mother already will have very little to do with me and if I alienate my father that will bring my two older brother into the picture and I know who’s side they will come down on(even if sides are not required) and it won’t be mine. So I feel a little concerned that if I have an major issue with him then I may lose the very little contact I have with the rest of my family. My younger brothers Transphobia got the better of him and he is now out of my life. Will add it to the list of things requiring “fixing”.

Just to add the final touch my chronic illness has decided to play up and give me a hard time over the last week. I am feeling a bit better but my stamina is still AWOL….slowly coming back but I had a setback early in the week. In fact if it wasn’t for that I would have been back on the board earlier. So now to catch up on what has been happening.
I just put up my latest profile pick after having my hair done this afternoon. All in all its been a mixed 4 or so weeks with my HRT having finally settled down I feel really well for the first time in ages.
 

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on December 15, 2017, 07:10:38 am
It's good to have you back, Liz.

Sorry to hear about the stresses, but I am glad that you are taking care of your relationship with your wife.  Having a supportive spouse is the greatest thing, so nurturing that relationship is important.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 15, 2017, 08:26:00 am
Looking good liz 😉
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on December 15, 2017, 09:57:35 am
Hi Liz.

  I like the new you in the avatar. Pink looks good on you. Now that your problems are settling down can we get back on schedule with my therapy sessions? I me really where are your priorities, girl??! I'm starting to feel like a jilted bride left stranded in the lurch!!

Love ya ,
 Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Megan. on December 15, 2017, 10:22:49 am
Liz, great to see you back and looking fab!

Sorry your family are not doing what they should do, and giving you unconditional love and support, but you'll always get that from your family here at Susan's. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on December 15, 2017, 03:44:16 pm
Welcome home , sounds like your getting sorted, good on ya.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on December 15, 2017, 04:18:30 pm
Thanks to everyone for the kind words of encouragement

I'd better go see what's up with that Laurie woman...again  ;) Just Kidding

Families are just plain weird at times...all my life my parents preached tolerance and diversity, what I discovered it that tolerance and diversity are important until its in their own back yard and then life becomes more difficult.

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: BeverlyAnn on December 15, 2017, 08:39:39 pm
Liz, sorry to hear about the stresses.  I noticed you hadn't been very active lately and I certainly understand about how it affects your wife.  Sometimes I have to make myself stop and think about Miss Dee and how she's doing.  Also sorry about the Skype with your father.  Again I certainly understand how that feels.  I was chatting with my sister-in-law a couple of days ago and she mentioned my brother.  I told her please don't get mad but I was done with my brother, I had given him 18 months and I had cried all the tears I was going to cry. She said she understood.  I didn't know your mom was closing you out.  You need to drop me a line and bring me up to date.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on December 16, 2017, 07:11:46 pm
Liz, sorry to hear about the stresses.  I noticed you hadn't been very active lately and I certainly understand about how it affects your wife.  Sometimes I have to make myself stop and think about Miss Dee and how she's doing.  Also sorry about the Skype with your father.  Again I certainly understand how that feels.  I was chatting with my sister-in-law a couple of days ago and she mentioned my brother.  I told her please don't get mad but I was done with my brother, I had given him 18 months and I had cried all the tears I was going to cry. She said she understood.  I didn't know your mom was closing you out.  You need to drop me a line and bring me up to date.

I owe you an email along with Markie and a few other I promise to update you when I get a chance.  :D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on December 19, 2017, 02:10:38 pm
 Hi Liz,

    I just want to say, your new avatar picture looks good. I thought the pink was nice but red is really nice on you.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on December 21, 2017, 06:55:16 pm
Thanks Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on December 21, 2017, 07:26:30 pm
Its been a hectic couple of days getting ready for Xmas but I can say that at least people will get presents this year...don't know about a meal on Xmas day its next on the list of tasks but gifts are done!!

I must mention this whilst I remember...As many of you know I have a very difficult relationship with my parents....I recently updated my Avatar Pic on here and well as my Facebook page. As I was talking to Cindy the other night and a message pops up that my mother had commented on my new picture....it was with much trepidation that I looked and found an absolutely lovely comment on how nice I looked and how well the Red suited me...which is the first time since I came out to her over 2 years that I have seen a fully positive comment from her. I was so pleasantly shocked...I had no sooner gotten over this when I received a message advising my Father had sent me something. It amounted to him sending me private message saying how good I looked.

The negative part of me wants to try and tell me that they only responded in this way due to social awkwardness of not being one of the 50 people who commented or liked the new picture out of my entire family and friends...the positive side of me says, they are starting to make progress.

I like the positive stuff...so will stick with that.

Someone sent me some links to my surgeons handiwork and I was astonished at how great things looked after 3 weeks post op. For me it is still in the surreal basket...but under 12 months now. YAY

I seriously need to get this weight off LOL!!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 01, 2018, 11:10:36 pm
So here we go for the start of 2018. :icon_flower: :icon_wave:

Lets start with the way things are now.....

I have been "out" for just over 2 years...I am still married and have a fully supportive wife and daughters. My immediate extended family have feared a bit worse. I have lost my youngest brother, my parents are still hanging in there with me...only just. However our relationship  is so very different than what it was...there is something missing that I cannot put my finger on but I think is best represented by my mothers absence. I sometimes wonder why I keep making the effort because things just seem to deteriorate the further my transition goes no matter what I do or say...I have two other brothers, both of who, at this stage appear to be treating me as they did before transition and still respecting me. I am so happy that they are still in my life in this way..

Still no word on my sick Auntie, My father will be seeing her this week and will speak to me when he gets home.
I am stuck whilst I try and fix a minor hiccup in the passport application process.
I need to change my name in it, which again is no big hassle as they have my name change on record anyway and I can do this online which is far faster than the old paper based application but weirdly I cannot change the gender marker. I of course want the correct gender on my new passport which I can do by completing their paper based application and ticking the box that says F. When I go to the web site to search the information for online gender marker changes it directs me back to the paper based application...which of course takes longer and is more expensive....of course! I will call the passport office when they finally open tomorrow but I bet I know what their answer is.  :o

I have GRS coming this year (wow that sounds strange) and am working on losing about 9 kgs to meet the proper criteria for surgery...nothing a little discipline won't fix...I have these moments where I start to doubt myself...I don't know if this is normal or not but I think the "doubts" I have are just my way of reassuring myself that I have thought this surgery through. There is also a part of me that is beginning to realise that this is really going happen...imagine a  little girl bouncing up and down with excitement. :icon_joy: :icon_joy:

I am also In my last hours of Electrolysis. I am sure many of you can imagine the relief of actually getting to the point of knowing you are on the home stretch...Last session I had 200 hairs on my top lip lets see how many of the little buggers are back this time...I am kicking off this year with a session on my upper and lower lips after getting my 11th Dental block... :icon_caffine:

When I post this time next year I should be all done with my surgeries and hair removal. I may even be able to start thinking about putting that book together from the hours and hours of writings.

So Goals for 2018

Have and recover from GRS
Complete my Hair removal
Improve my voice...
Write my story...it is started

Hope everyone has a fabulous 2018                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Liz                                                                   
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 03, 2018, 10:43:46 pm
The passport stuff turned out as I expected...I have to do a paper based application and find someone to verify my photo's...I had already sent them to a friend in QLD for verification as I suspected this would be the passport offices response. It took me quite some time to find someone to do it but an old nursing friend stuck her hand up to help.

I have everything else I need assembled and once I have the paperwork back from my friend I have to sign a statutory declaration in front of JP for them to change my gender marker...what a load of rubbish. It will be a bit of a hassle to sort out but the end result will be worth it. Between that and my driver licence I will have 100+ points need to complete any kind of transaction that requires identity.



Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 05, 2018, 08:12:13 pm
Received a call this morning(which I missed) and a message from my father that my Aunt had passed last night in her sleep. I was so sad to hear this but happy that she was not in prolonged distress and passed peacefully in end.

I am a little numb at the moment but like all things this will pass and life will move on...so will I, but she will always have a very special place in my heart.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on January 05, 2018, 10:07:11 pm
  My heart felt condolences Liz. I know  how much you wanted to see her. I too believe it was probably a blessing for her to pass so soon and in her sleep instead of a prolonged wait like we endured with my mother. It was horrible that none should have to endure. Better it be over quick and they be in peace is my personal opinion. I do wish you had had your chance to visit one more time. Again I am sorry for your loss Liz.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 09, 2018, 07:25:39 pm
Life lessons

Over the last week or so I have been dealing with a number of issues of loss due which threw me into a complete funk... returning me to all my previously resolved doubts for consideration with a few new ones thrown in for good measure, adding to that an unhealthy dose of Dysphoria and we are talking about an event of which I am sure many of you have experienced yourselves or something similar.

Eventually you must keep going and do the basics like shopping and paying bills. The world does not stop because I am having a meltdown.

Off I went to the shops, jeans and a top, my hair up no makeup....I filled the car up with petrol and braced myself for the usual "looks or othering" but received a warm greeting from the 50+ year old man behind the counter who was really nice. I still wasn't convinced there was going to be some kind of "issue"....and sure enough here it comes as I enter the supermarket I encounter a woman about my own age getting a trolley...she turns to me and smiles warmly, I am shocked and smile back, that is the start of it...Everyone I encountered from that point forward was absolutely lovely to me, very friendly and very warm. From the checkout guy to the woman at the post office.

When I eventually got back to the car and sat down, I found myself smiling and for the first time in a week, I was actually happy. In that moment and for the next little while I was happy

I think sometimes we spend so much time inside our own heads we forget that the real world is not always a bad place even though it sometimes feels that way.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on January 09, 2018, 07:54:49 pm
  Hi Liz,

  We can all use a good day or two every so often. If they can make you smile and be happy for a little while than it is all that much better. I know this time has been rough for you.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on January 10, 2018, 01:07:02 am
I’m glad you had a good day.  It can be such a confidence booster, as well as affirmation that you are, well, YOU!

Sometimes our heads can be the worst possible place to be spending time.  That’s where all the self doubt lives, and dwelling on it pumps it up larger than life.  I’d prefer to be out, and be myself.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on January 10, 2018, 10:20:17 am
Glad to here you're getting such positive reactions. I'm still not used to people opening doors for me and the amount of times someone has stopped their car to let me cross the road is crazy. That never happened to me before.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie



Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 14, 2018, 11:42:33 am
Nice to hear of your pleasant experience, the silver  lining in the storm clouds
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on January 14, 2018, 12:57:35 pm
Hi folks,

  I thought I'd drop in here and assure you that Liz has been found and is pretty much okay. No physical injuries as far as I could see. She may be a little preoccupied but no more than any of us get when reflecting on our issues. No hysteria or other mental disorders that would require incarceration and there was no restraints that I could see. In fact she moved around quite freely. Her so did bring her something she said was coffee but I could not see if there were any medications either. She did appear a little more sedated a bit later so there could have been...
   I video chatted with her quite some time and she appeared to be mostly coherent. There were a few times where she implied that I was the one the had "issues". So there is some reason for concern with her projecting her issues onto others. Still I feel there may be hope for her yet. It may be only a fleeting chance though. I only hope see gets the help she so desperately needs in time.

  Hugs,
    Laurie

 P.S. I hope you all have figured out the above is complete and utter nonsense from my twisted mind. I did  video with her last night and she is doing okay. Just taking a little break.
   ljw
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 14, 2018, 07:47:06 pm
Well well...I guess after reading Laurie's response I feel compelled to say something which I am sure many will "get"   and I know for sure Laurie will understand

POT!!! or KETTLE!! if you prefer!... I think Laurie is more of a Kettle girl  :)

I have had a heap of things going on in my life and one of the things that I was struggling with was my upcoming GRS and feeling a little isolated. Its such a private thing and I feel uncomfortable asking despite several people telling me to ask anyway....I had someone reach out to me last week and help me to see my surgery in a different light...this lead to thinking about other things in my current life. Overall I feel better about it than I ever have and I have clarity that I never knew before...Thankyou!

All this thinking lead me back to a question that, despite how good my reasons may be for having GRS there is no point in having it if I am still going to continue to hate and mistreat myself. It seems a bit pointless to go through all that is involved in this surgery if I don't start loving myself...sounds pretty simple doesn't it...sure it does...now just got to work out how to actually do that!!



Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on January 14, 2018, 08:58:46 pm
Oh Nooooo, It's contagious! Stay back folks... Really I didn't know I was contagious. Now Liz has it so stand back a little. We don't want an epidemic now do we?

 Well if I'm a kettle girl she's a pot head.

 Love ya Liz

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on January 14, 2018, 09:08:20 pm
SLAP!!!!

Liz, do I need to shake you as well? You live much closer to me than Laurie, so it wouldn’t be outrageous for me to come and shake you. What is this about hating and mistreating yourself. Practice what you preach young lady!

You and Laurie keep giving each other such good advice and then when it come to yourselves, it’s like a fuse has blown.

Disclaimer: I just got into your thread so I have not yet caught up. I have only read your latest post, so if I got it out of context, I apologise.

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on January 14, 2018, 09:15:12 pm
Nope Jayne, You got the idea.. smack her again.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Mariah on January 14, 2018, 10:16:44 pm
Sometimes it really just takes the assistance of someone to help you sort through things and see things in different way than you were used to seeing them. I'm glad they were able to help you. I am so glad to hear your feeling better than you ever have about it and wish you luck with your upcoming surgery. You start loving yourself by taking baby steps and facing those things that cause you to not love yourself in the first place. Tackle one thing at a time unless necessary to do more at a time. Those baby steps will help you love yourself and heal yourself in the long run. Give yourself something to look forward to and enjoy that will help motivate you to move forward to. We all have a lot of baggage coming in and that takes time to work through. Some of which may not get worked through until after surgery. Be kind to yourself and love yourself by working towards dealing with those things that cause you to not love yourself. Hugs
Mariah
Well well...I guess after reading Laurie's response I feel compelled to say something which I am sure many will "get"   and I know for sure Laurie will understand

POT!!! or KETTLE!! if you prefer!... I think Laurie is more of a Kettle girl  :)

I have had a heap of things going on in my life and one of the things that I was struggling with was my upcoming GRS and feeling a little isolated. Its such a private thing and I feel uncomfortable asking despite several people telling me to ask anyway....I had someone reach out to me last week and help me to see my surgery in a different light...this lead to thinking about other things in my current life. Overall I feel better about it than I ever have and I have clarity that I never knew before...Thankyou!

All this thinking lead me back to a question that, despite how good my reasons may be for having GRS there is no point in having it if I am still going to continue to hate and mistreat myself. It seems a bit pointless to go through all that is involved in this surgery if I don't start loving myself...sounds pretty simple doesn't it...sure it does...now just got to work out how to actually do that!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: BeverlyAnn on January 16, 2018, 08:55:02 pm
So after reading a statement the other day from some flat-earthers, I find out that Australia doesn't even exist.  It's actually a creation of England and other countries to make people think the earth is round.  Airlines fly you to islands off the coast of South America and everyone you know from Oz is a paid actor.  Devlyn and I have decided we should have already known this because of the trick animals that hop, trick food like Vegimite, trick little toy teddy bears stuck in trees.  Liz has admitted to me the big reef thingy is a blow up toy and Cindy is not sure if she is real or CG.  So "On being Liz" takes on a whole new meaning.   :P

Liz, hope this made you laugh, my friend.  Love ya.  ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on January 18, 2018, 11:05:35 pm
Hi Liz,

I finally caught myself up on your thread. It took me several days. I’m sorry for all the stress you have been feeling. It’s great you now have a date for GCS later in the year. I can only try to imagine how it must feel for you to have an actual date for something you have wanted for so long. I may need to ask you some questions later, if I find that I need to take that route. There doesn’t seem to be many GCS surgeons in Australia.

Your most recent posts sounded like some doubts are creeping into your mind and something about not liking yourself. I seem to have missed something as I was reading through your thread. I thought everything was going great. I do hope that you have found a way to work through this down time.

Looking forward to following your story.

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on January 19, 2018, 04:29:28 am
Well well...I guess after reading Laurie's response I feel compelled to say something which I am sure many will "get"   and I know for sure Laurie will understand

POT!!! or KETTLE!! if you prefer!... I think Laurie is more of a Kettle girl  :)

I have had a heap of things going on in my life and one of the things that I was struggling with was my upcoming GRS and feeling a little isolated. Its such a private thing and I feel uncomfortable asking despite several people telling me to ask anyway....I had someone reach out to me last week and help me to see my surgery in a different light...this lead to thinking about other things in my current life. Overall I feel better about it than I ever have and I have clarity that I never knew before...Thankyou!

All this thinking lead me back to a question that, despite how good my reasons may be for having GRS there is no point in having it if I am still going to continue to hate and mistreat myself. It seems a bit pointless to go through all that is involved in this surgery if I don't start loving myself...sounds pretty simple doesn't it...sure it does...now just got to work out how to actually do that!!

You'll figure it out Liz, I have no doubt about that. I'm way off having GRS, but I do get the same kind of thoughts rattling around. If I didn't I'd be worried.
Some things we have to work through for ourselves, it can seem like a lonely, confusing place for sure. That doesn't mean you have to be alone, we are here if you need us. Take your time Liz, hugs from the other side of the planet :)

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 20, 2018, 08:02:59 pm
Well it would seem that 2018 is going to be a year of people dying for me, maybe we have got it all out of the road early. My Mother in law died yesterday evening after being unconscious since last Tuesday. Meryl and I have been together 35 years so I knew her pretty closely. She didn't know I was trans and after the horror show that is my own parents we didn't want to take any chances. She lived in a small country town about a 3 1/2 hour drive away. Trans women are a rarity. I have been here at home looking after the dog whilst my wife and daughters attended to their mother/grandmother.

The funeral is next week some time and we will all attend. I am really concerned that my sister in law (who doesn't like me, didn't before I came out) will create a scene when she sees me. She suffered depression and the treatment they gave her left her affected and sometimes she can be inappropriate without realising it at the time.  She started yelling and screaming at my wife as she sat with her dying mother 3 days ago.....extremely inappropriate and incredibly distressing for Meryl.

She should know I am trans although I haven't seen her for 5 years. I would not put it beyond her to create some kind of scene at the funeral service. There is no way that I am going to miss it but I dread what she could do. I will attend the graveside ceremony but not the "cake and tea" afterwards...suits me perfectly.

So within a few weeks I have lost two people I hold very dear to me...I hope like crazy that this is the end of the deaths this year.  :icon_cry: :icon_cry:
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on January 20, 2018, 09:08:05 pm
I’m sorry for your losses Liz.  I hope there is no drama with your sister in law.
If there is, turn the other cheek. 

Hugs, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica Lynne on January 20, 2018, 09:09:39 pm
I wish I had some easy answer for you, Elizabeth. I don’t, but my heart is with you and I know whatever you choose to do will probably result in the best case scenario. Good luck and I hope negative heartbreaking crap quits visiting you.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on January 20, 2018, 09:48:54 pm
Liz, I am sorry for your recent losses. I hope there are no inappropriate scenes at the funeral.

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 21, 2018, 09:07:43 am
Thankyou ladies for the kind words.

Meryl's brother attacked her tonight verbally after she rang and asked to discuss the funeral arrangements. He made an assumption about what he thought she was going to say and we all know assumptions make an "ass out of u and me" The things he said to her were beyond nasty. In the end things have gotten so bad that we are leaving in about 3 hours to drive back to her home town about 4 hrs from here(she got home from there today at 6pm) and sort out the issues being created. I don't think I have ever experienced anything quite like it. I am stunned...the things he was saying are similar to the things his wife was screaming at Meryl about, whilst her mother lay dying in the bed they were standing beside.

Our plan is to get there and do the things we need to do to organise the funeral and then we are leaving. We will be back for the funeral later in the week or early next week unless things go completely pear shaped in which case we will have to stay.
 
We are hoping we can just get him to deal with the funeral arrangements amd then be on our way.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on January 21, 2018, 03:10:34 pm
Liz, I am sorry things are getting nasty with family during this already stressful and emotional time. Sometimes personal issues need to be set aside for the greater good. I hope there can be some kind of cease fire for the funeral so you can each have a moment to grieve and say goodbye to your loved one.

My thoughts are with you and your wife.

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on January 21, 2018, 03:19:07 pm
Give them a good old fashioned clip round the head, thoughts are with you and hope it sorts out OK
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on January 21, 2018, 03:42:47 pm
Oh Liz, I am so sorry to here this.

Please give Meryl my love and support.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on January 21, 2018, 10:41:24 pm
Liz, I’m so sorry to hear this.  This drives home that while we can choose our friends, we cannot choose our families.  Unfortunately.

Michelle Paquette
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on January 21, 2018, 10:54:27 pm
 Unfortunately that figures, Liz. I'm still available if you have a need to talk. I home it doesn't take long to get the arrangement settled and hope against hope the yelling and stone throwing stops. Remember fisticuffs is not ladylike.

 Here for you Liz,

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on January 21, 2018, 11:14:10 pm
Liz, I’m so sad to here this.  Family drama is the worst.

(((Big hugs)))
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 22, 2018, 05:53:17 am
Thanks again to everyone for the great support. We got home about an hour ago and are absolutely shattered both physical and mentally.

The good news is we managed  to get through it and arrange the funeral. It took pretty much every negotiating skill I and the funeral director possess, just to keep the situation from exploding...after an hour at the funeral directors the conversations were strained but productive and without too much malice. At one stage my brother in law tried to leave because he felt he had been slighted but a quick reminder of his age soon had him sitting down...

We got through it and made it back home safely. The funeral will be in a week and I doubt there will be any more issues as we don't have to deal directly with them anymore. I found the whole scenario completely disrespectful to Meryls mum...disgusting. But as I said its done and organised....so this time next week we get to do the 700k round trip again but this time it will be to celebrate the her life and pay respects.

Will catch up with you all a bit more tomorrow after some sleep  :icon_wave:

 
Title: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on January 22, 2018, 06:35:11 am
I’m glad you got to arrange the funeral without any major explosions.

Once again, you have my condolences and hope the day of the funeral allows you to remember and celebrate Meryl’s Mum.

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: BeverlyAnn on January 23, 2018, 12:15:34 am
Oh Liz, my condolences to both you and Meryl.  I know how stressful that can be without any family rancor, much less with.  Please give Meryl my sympathies and if you need to vent, I'm here.  Hugs to both of you, hon.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 29, 2018, 07:04:19 pm
Yesterday we put my mother-in-law to rest. The whole day was particularly stressful as I am sure you can imagine. To add another layer of stress the ceremony as agreed by my wife and her brother was not what happened and many things were changed without any consultation with her. It was disappointing and shameful. Neither of us made any comment or voiced our views to her toxic sister-in-law. It was a day to be respectful to my wife and her mother.

This is my first time in public in this small town,  as such it was a first for many of my wife's old friends and acquaintances. On the whole they were just delightful with me and put me at ease. Unfortunately there were a couple of things that were truly hurtful but to which I tried not to react. I had to physically restrain my daughter when she noticed a couple of women pointing at me and clearly finding my presence amusing...laughing and pointing is a bit of a give away. The thing that really got to me the most was being omitted from the family photo that was on display at the front of the venue during the ceremony which left me feeling pretty worthless. I was shocked and disappointed that they would be so deliberately hurtful. I know my mother-in-law would have been disgusted.

This has been an awful month with the deaths of two people who were close to me so I am hoping that is my lot for the year.

Today is about moving on and putting to bed all those feelings that were dragged up over the sad and disrespectrful fiasco that was yesterday. It was just awful in so many ways and certainly a long way from my mother-in-law's final wishes.

Tomorrow is about moving forward, staying positive and happy.

As I lead into my GRS at the end of the year I intend to document my feelings as I approach this monumental personal change in my life.

I want to share the joys, sorrows, happiness and just plain craziness that is life as a trans woman having surgery.



Quotes for today from "Wild words from wild women"

"I'm tired of people not treating me like the gify that I am"....Paula Abdul. American Idol

"Growth and comfort do not coexist"....Ginni Rommety, IBM CEO

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on January 29, 2018, 07:14:18 pm
My thoughts are with Meryl, you and your daughters.

I think you have shown incredible character and self control.

My Love and Respect
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on January 30, 2018, 02:03:01 am
I’m sorry yesterday was such a tough day. My condolences to you, your wife and daughters. I am sorry for your loss.

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on January 30, 2018, 04:45:00 am
Remember your mother-in-law with fondness and be there for each other to celebrate her life and memory, this is all that matters, this is what you are doing.

A big year coming up for you Liz, I'm sure we'll all benefit from your experience and wisdom as you journey towards GRS. Share what you want to share, keep private the things that are personal your soul. These can only ever be personal journeys so no pressure, although I have already ordered in a mega bucket of popcorn. ;D

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 30, 2018, 10:23:32 pm
Oh dear Liz so sorry to hear this  my condolences.....still you go forward  inspirational😊
Best wishs
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 31, 2018, 06:14:56 pm
My thoughts are with Meryl, you and your daughters.

I think you have shown incredible character and self control.

My Love and Respect

Thanks Cindy your kind words and thoughts have been passed on to Meryl who was touched by your generosity.

I’m sorry yesterday was such a tough day. My condolences to you, your wife and daughters. I am sorry for your loss.

Jayne

Thanks Jayne it was tough but I guess we have a choice to either lie down and let grief consume you however Meryl's mum would not have wanted that and I have deep respect for her. Thanks for you lovely thoughts

Remember your mother-in-law with fondness and be there for each other to celebrate her life and memory, this is all that matters, this is what you are doing.

A big year coming up for you Liz, I'm sure we'll all benefit from your experience and wisdom as you journey towards GRS. Share what you want to share, keep private the things that are personal your soul. These can only ever be personal journeys so no pressure, although I have already ordered in a mega bucket of popcorn. ;D

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Hi Sadie

Thanks you for your kind words and as usual I feel just a little better from coming here and seeing all these kind words. It is going to be one big year for me and I am terrified, happy and excited if that makes sense. I still expect something or someone to place an insurmountable issue in front of me to prevent it from happening...maybe just Healthy paranoia LOL

Oh dear Liz so sorry to hear this  my condolences.....still you go forward  inspirational😊
Best wishs

Thanks for your kind words Markie...more importantly how are you feeling? Hows the recovery going?.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on January 31, 2018, 06:24:41 pm
Yesterday I received my final piece of ID, my passport with my new name and gender marker on it.

I was thrilled to get it although I really don't need it locally but if(when?) I need to travel I can now do it as me rather than the grumpy old man that used to inhabit this space. There is something about seeing that "F" that gives a girl a boost!!

Off to more genital zapping laser tomorrow...it does sting a bit in some places but at this stage the old saying "No Pain. No Gain" springs to mind  :D

Todays Quote from "Wild words from wild Women"

"My friends think I am crazy. But what am I going to do? Play mah-jomg?" Shoshanna Smith who took up the trapeze at age 58
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 01, 2018, 09:02:29 pm
Way to go Liz ....darn right ...burn dont fade
😉😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on February 02, 2018, 04:56:51 am
Good for you Liz :eusa_dance: I bet you were thrilled to finally get the official gender stamp.

Ouch, the idea of genital zapping scares me silly, not the part of the process i'm looking forward too. You however seem to be taking it all in your stride so I'll take courage from that.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on February 02, 2018, 03:57:23 pm
They showed a bit of genital clearing on the Transformation Street program,  now I know they stick a needle in the root defo not looking forward to it. There's a lot of positivness around here so suck some up or is that soak? in it .
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on February 02, 2018, 07:01:43 pm
For whatever it’s worth, I had genital electrolysis done, and found it much easier than things like the upper or lower lip.  There was less pain, and I was also able to freely converse with my electrolyst, which definitely helped with distraction and passing the time.   I used EMLA cream and multiple pieces of plastic wrap to form occlusive bandages.  We uncovered just the area to be worked on next, and let the EMLA keep things numb on regions we hadn’t gotten to yet.

As on the face, the newly awakening follicles can be zapped with less current than a mature follicle, so subsequent clearings that we did every 3 weeks after the initial clearing went more easily.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on February 02, 2018, 09:58:24 pm
Unfortunately Michelle I cannot get electrolysis, There is no one in Adelaide that I can find that actually does it. I have been asking around for awhile and there is another woman I know also looking for one. I spoke to my surgeon and he will do a follicle scrape as part of the procedure but I am still looking for someone.

That is very encouraging to know that it is not like the upper lip...ouch!! I can easily mange other area's on my face with Emla so I think I should be Okay. You can really see the difference in the area's done by laser and those that haven't.

Thanks so much I appreciate the help.

Hugs

Liz 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on February 02, 2018, 10:13:45 pm
Way to go Liz ....darn right ...burn dont fade
😉😊

 :icon_rockon: :icon_rockon: :icon_mrhappy:

Good for you Liz :eusa_dance: I bet you were thrilled to finally get the official gender stamp.

Ouch, the idea of genital zapping scares me silly, not the part of the process i'm looking forward too. You however seem to be taking it all in your stride so I'll take courage from that.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie


Thanks Sadie yes there is the occasional flinch but it is all over in about 6 minutes...it doe sting a bit in places but only briefly...As far as the electrolysis goes that could still be ahead of me. Its just another part of the journey.

Hugs Liz

They showed a bit of genital clearing on the Transformation Street program,  now I know they stick a needle in the root defo not looking forward to it. There's a lot of positiveness around here so suck some up or is that soak? in it .

I prefer to soak in the positivity...I have heard good things about it...what do you think?
hugs
Liz



Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 08, 2018, 02:54:36 am
When I opened up my thread I got the notice it is over 30 days since I made a post in it...in fact its more like 60 days since I have made a post.  ;D

So whats been happening in my world? I feel like I have been living an episode of days of our lives with all the Drama that's been going on. It was a rocky start to 2018 due to three deaths of special people in either mine or my wife's life including the death of her mother. That took a huge toll on her. I have had my hands full busy supporting her as well as dealing with my own stuff.

My wife is finally getting to a place where things are better for her and she is feeling a bit better. She misses her Mum terribly as any of you who have lost parents will know. Time is always the best healer.

For me the ever increasing precarious relationship between my parents and myself finally came to a head about 3 weeks ago. I had basically avoided a skype session with them since Nov last year and when my father asked I did not refuse him. Unfortunately what ensued was a culmination of 3 years of tension. He let his gaurd down as he had spoken to my brother whom I had the falling out with last year and he had deceided that I was to blame without all of the facts. After nearly an hour and half talking including him hanging up on me we were left with very little to say to each other. He was shocked to find out some of things he had been told by my brother were simply not true and fabricated by him. I found out in part, how he really felt about Trans people which was not pleasant to hear, I also yelled at him for the first time since I was a teenager.

The yelling was after he had a 5 minute monologue describing conversations he had about me and all the time using my old name and male pronouns...I couldn't take it any longer and after 5 minutes of saying nothing I yelled at him to stop! and he just looked at me and said "What's wrong" i just shook my head and burst into tears. My mother was of course absent. He showed me a side of himself that I had never seen before and it was not nice. He was angry with me over the falling out I had with my brother ((when he went and "liked" a number of specifically transphobic posts on face book and I called him out on it.) My father was at great pains to tell me he couldn't see anything wrong with the posts and showing me his feelings about trans people and also telling me things like "these bloody minoritties" should pull their heads in....just one of several commnets

My wayward brother contacted me for the first time yesterday indicating that my father had put him up to it and wants to meet and discuss the situation...I have to say I am not sure what will be gained by it but have agreed to meet him. His email was really passive agressive in tone and he set out a few time where he could "fit me in". I have not replied to him as yet as I really don't want to. The more I think about it the less I want to have any contact....he is doing it because he has been asked too. I doubt his views will have changed any and I have worked through the pain his leaving my life caused so am really reluectant to have him back if he feels the same way as he did. I have written a reply saying I will meet him next week but cannot bring myself to send it.

On a more postive note a few good things happened including......

I don't owe the surgery killing $20,000 to the tax department they were trying to come after me for due to their mistake but as I am so practiced at jumping through hoops I managed to navigate their hoops to have it reduced to $900 so far.

I got to spend a a really pleasasnt few hours with Cindy not long ago which was certainly the highlight of what can only be described asn a forgetable month.

I got to catch up on my gaming which I found surprisingly helpful when at my lowest points over the last 60 days.

I stopped Electrolysis mainly to be able to assess where I am at and with out shaving for well over a month I still could not see anything on my face with out looking into a super magnifying mirror and apart from the odd hair the majority of it is velus and not likely to be removed anyway. I may need to get some growing back but with so very few it seems easier to pluck them out. It hard to know how many but a few minute gets rid of them all.

I am now finally feeling human again and haven't cried now for a good few days...which is signifacant because up until a week or so ago it was at least a daily occurance. Maybe its because now I know where I really stand with my family for the first time in my life.

9 Months till surgery...I have to keep pinching myself that this is actually going to happen. I am not nearly as concerned as I was about how I am feeling as I know realise many others have felt the same...we all seem to have concerns about similar things. A special thanks to the ladies who have reached out to me, helping me to see what I already knew.

I have had my break and I am sure I have more drama's arriving ointo my life again soon but for now things are going Okay. Hopefully I will be able to spend a bit more time on the board and chatting to my many friends.

Hugs

Liz




Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on March 08, 2018, 03:36:45 am
BIG hugs love , life can be a sh*t cant it. All we can do is put on our brave face and battle through towards the good times and there will be very good times ahead .People can be such dicks. Cheer your self up and follow Lauries lorry!!!!  makes me smilethat will teach me to mess with the font size was only ment to be a big hug
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on March 08, 2018, 07:19:14 am
Oh, Liz!  I am so sorry to hear about the ongoing rejection from your family.  I wish you strength for the meeting with your brother, but don't be afraid to walk out if the situation calls for it.

I am glad you are starting to feel better.  Here's a virtual hug: ((((((Liz))))))
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 08, 2018, 10:50:09 am
Wow what a roller coaster....but congrats on the electo results 😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on March 08, 2018, 12:26:53 pm
Hi Ms Liz,

  It is good to see a new post from you. You left something out in your update.  The part where even with all your own family drama going on you still managed to find some time to help me with mine.
  Thank you for being a friend.

Hugs (((HUG)))
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 08, 2018, 07:51:22 pm
Thank you ladies for the support I really need it at the moment and appreciate each of you taking the time to respond to my list of woes.

I will be making sure there is more time to spend here again following along with everyone's journeys.

Today I have been busy doing housework and have finally finished so am now able to spend some time doing the things I like to do most. Chatting with you all.

Whilst out on a walk today I realised that part of what has been going on with me is down to not acknowledging that i still have a fairly high level of Dysphoria. I was out walking the dog earlier this morning and found myself playing mental gymnastics over how I was feeling about myself. I think I have been trying to convince myself that my social transition has taken care of the majority of my Dysphoria, when iif I am honest about it I still have real distress with my body configuration. As my transition progresses and my appearance has slowly changed it has softened however the perception I have of myself has not. I do see "her" in the mirror from time to time but certainly not as much as I would like.

That lead me to ask why...I think its maybe that I still don't love myself and have constant thoughts about not being authentic....with the revelations recently that a number of those whom I thought of as allies don't actually see me as much more than a "man in a dress" and that they are humouring me by using my chosen name and pronouns. This revelation was very disheartening after all this time...I genuinely thought I was making progress with them. This fuels  my insecurities about embracing my "femaleness" and tearing down the barricades.

I keep moving forward and trying to improve my appearance and how I am perceived however I am having great difficulties with this idea that I will never be able to completely blend in so remain vulnerable to psychological and physical attacks because I am so obviously Trans. Yes people are usually lovely with me when in public but that is not the same as acceptance...I consider it more likes tolerance.

Climbing down off my soapbox now  :D and will get on and see how everyone else's day is going.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on March 09, 2018, 09:11:42 am
Stumbles on to soapbox.....I can very much relate to the body dysphoria Liz, also the idea of tolerance over acceptance.

Truth is it's normal to feel that way when we don't match up to our ideals, and that's the issue really and rings true for every single person on the planet. So yes, learning to love yourself just as you are is key.....today, not tomorrow or in the distant future, but today, just the way you are :)

We can't be all things to all people, we can only be ourselves.......Falls off soapbox ;D

I don't pretend to know any of the answers, but I do wish you well Liz. Just sharing the way you do has helped me and I'm sure many others immensely. That means something as is a testament to your character. You're a good girl :)

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2018, 12:03:00 pm

I keep moving forward and trying to improve my appearance and how I am perceived however I am having great difficulties with this idea that I will never be able to completely blend in so remain vulnerable to psychological and physical attacks because I am so obviously Trans. Yes people are usually lovely with me when in public but that is not the same as acceptance...I consider it more likes tolerance.


Totally relate to that feeling ....from my view point  having spent so much time with groups out in the bush , im well aware of peoples behaviors,  towards those as they see as different  i guess all one  can do is "be" .....easier said than done
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 09, 2018, 06:41:24 pm
Stumbles on to soapbox.....I can very much relate to the body dysphoria Liz, also the idea of tolerance over acceptance.

Truth is it's normal to feel that way when we don't match up to our ideals, and that's the issue really and rings true for every single person on the planet. So yes, learning to love yourself just as you are is key.....today, not tomorrow or in the distant future, but today, just the way you are :)

We can't be all things to all people, we can only be ourselves.......Falls off soapbox ;D

I don't pretend to know any of the answers, but I do wish you well Liz. Just sharing the way you do has helped me and I'm sure many others immensely. That means something as is a testament to your character. You're a good girl :)

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Sadie my dear you are too kind. I do hope that some of my ramblings have helped someone and am glad to know you have found something useful in them.

You are so right we can't be all things to all people.

I guess for me is that my confidence took a huge hit as a result of the conversation with my father...I didn't realise just how much it had impacted me until the last few days.

Great to hear from you and thanks for your kind words

Take Care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 09, 2018, 06:48:04 pm
Totally relate to that feeling ....from my view point  having spent so much time with groups out in the bush , im well aware of peoples behaviors,  towards those as they see as different  i guess all one  can do is "be" .....easier said than done

You have a tough gig when in the bush...I think you have done remarkably well to wether the storm you already have.

You are right when you say all we can do is "be"...on the rare occasions when I do actually pass I get to experience how every other woman on the planet feels and to me that feels "right" and the happiness of just being me is an incredible feeling of being calm, happy and content. Unfortunately that does not happen very often but I will continue to try and achieve it in a lasting manner.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 09, 2018, 06:54:14 pm
Heading out the door to go shopping for birthday present for my Daughter....first time out shopping in a shopping complex for quite awhile...in fact the first time out in quite awhile...Got my "glad rags" on and am about to do my makeup although is hot here and likly just to slide off my face.  ;D

 I can't believe how anxious I am about this shopping trip....I thought I was past all this crap....but I guess not. I am sure once I get out the door I will be fine

I didn't think my confidence was so fragile and so easily shattered...time to get out and "DO" which hovefully should boost it.

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on March 09, 2018, 07:34:18 pm
My Dear Liz,

 Yes you have been hiding as much as I had been. You are absolutely right it is time for you to get out that door and just do. Just like I needed to do. So far all is going well on my road trip and you will do better the more you do it.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Bari Jo on March 09, 2018, 07:37:19 pm
Liz, even with your setbacks with your family and you questioning your ability to blend in, I read from your writing a great amount of optimism and positivity.  I bet you are a joy to be around.

Btw, I'm in the tolerance phase also from my coworkers.  Just today I went on a short business trip to the other side of town with four other ladies in my dept.  I saw they had heir purses, so I grabbed mine.  I got compliments on my purse, and I gave compliments on their shoes.  I do not pass one bit, but it still felt good to be with the ladies.  Perhaps the future will be kind to us both, and we will be more than tolerated.

Bari Jo
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 09, 2018, 11:21:15 pm
My Dear Liz,

 Yes you have been hiding as much as I had been. You are absolutely right it is time for you to get out that door and just do. Just like I needed to do. So far all is going well on my road trip and you will do better the more you do it.

 Hugs,
   Laurie

Thanks Laurie you are right I have been hiding and I think during one of our marathon conversations I pushed you fairly hard(yes I admit it) to help you get out that door. I am back and we had a lovely time... the usual amount of gawking was done by some members of the public but after about 10 minutes I didn't see them anymore...I am sure they were there but I was not buying into it...as usual my rock(Meryl) was their to encourage and keep me centred, at one point reminding me that I am a human being and have every right to be there along with all those other people....she is such a gem

Take care

Liz
PS you back yet?
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 09, 2018, 11:32:57 pm
Liz, even with your setbacks with your family and you questioning your ability to blend in, I read from your writing a great amount of optimism and positivity.  I bet you are a joy to be around.

Btw, I'm in the tolerance phase also from my coworkers.  Just today I went on a short business trip to the other side of town with four other ladies in my dept.  I saw they had heir purses, so I grabbed mine.  I got compliments on my purse, and I gave compliments on their shoes.  I do not pass one bit, but it still felt good to be with the ladies.  Perhaps the future will be kind to us both, and we will be more than tolerated.

Bari Jo

Hi Bari Jo

First of all its good to see you survived a visit from  Lorry lorrie...that woman  ;D Good on you girl.

I try to be as upbeat as I can and thankyou for the compliment. 

I know the feeling you are talking about but I did have a couple of those lovely simple interactions in between the gawkers and one in particular when a gentleman walked into me. He was in his 70's and struck up a quick conversation with me finishing with "Have a good day love"

We were greeted as "ladies" in a couple of places and those that were hesitant or avoided being pleasant did not get any of our money  ;)

Bari Jo I am sure you will get past your "tolerance" phase and get treated as the lady you deserved to be treated as. I will take tolerance over hostility every time and I guess its all part of our journey.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on March 10, 2018, 12:13:31 am
Hi Liz, Sorry life has been up and down again. Ahhh you do know where I am when you need a chat about it don't you?

Oh and if you want to try the gawking, just walk around with a hole in your neck. Hardly anyone ever notices. :laugh:

Hugs Hon
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 10, 2018, 12:58:45 am
Hi Liz, Sorry life has been up and down again. Ahhh you do know where I am when you need a chat about it don't you?

Oh and if you want to try the gawking, just walk around with a hole in your neck. Hardly anyone ever notices. :laugh:

Hugs Hon

Hi Cindy

I bet no one even see's it..yeah right!!!  :laugh:

Yes I do know where to hunt you down to chat!! I was a bit messed up about things and really didn't know what I thought for a long time. In fact the phone call with my father was the day before our get together and when I saw you I brushed over it as I didn't know what to think at that stage...it took me a couple of weeks to just get my head around it. Thank you and I would love to catch up again really soon...I am meeting my wayward brother next Wednesday so I am sure I will be in need of your smile by the time I work through that little piece of joy. I will be in touch again soon

hugs(gentle)

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 12, 2018, 03:27:23 am
Had really nice day today and spent in the company of my Daughter...just pleasant sitting around chatting. Put a colour through my hair so am now similar toi what I was but without the greys!! I really do need a hair cut but am loving the long hair and putting up in  a ponytail...ahhh the simples pleasures...

Well it's on!!...The brother I have been having all the issues with contacted me last week requesting we meet somewhere to talk. I would suggest this is as a result of my Father's intervention. After getting through Xmass, my wife's birthday, 3 funerals and nothing from him I had assumed he had made his decision to stay out of my life                           .

Anyway on Wednesday(Tuesday for the USA) I am going to meet him for a chat at a local restaurant. I don't hold out much hope that things will improve as he is not meeting me to necessarily reconcile but to save face in front of his father. The meeting feels entirely pointless, unless in the unlikely event he is wanting to have some kind of reconciliation which I am very doubtful about but happy in this case to be proved wrong.

I am not entirely sure how to handle it but even if we have a basic conversation I don't see us ever getting to where we were...he carries a lifetime of grudges around with him and trots them out every now and then...as an example he is 48 and still holds a grudge with my uncle from when he was 17 from when he was at boarding school. Go figure??

So I don't think I stand much of a chance of not being added to that sack of grudges. I have grieved the loss of him from my life 2 months ago and I am not expecting to have to do it again. All I can hope is that he will surprise me in a nice way. Anyway won't be holding my breath!!! At this stage I am just hoping he will keep it civil. If not he will find himself on his own.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on March 12, 2018, 03:42:21 am
Well!

That could be interesting.

I know that you already know this but that has never stopped me from being Mum (ask Laurie).

You have changed. You have accepted change and grown and developed. Your horizons are broader and your acceptance of life is far more open that it is for most people. I think that this is common for all of us who have successfully transitioned in life.

Transitioning is not physical or social changes, it is not "changing" gender or sexuality. Transitioning is acceptance of yourself and those who successfully transition acknowledge their understanding of themselves. Those who have never faced themselves live in a state perpetual confusion that they never quite understand nor grasp.

Your brother, I feel, may live in that state.

Not sure what the place serves but it could be fun to order Rocky Mountain Oysters >:-)

Cindy

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 12, 2018, 05:35:00 am
Thanks Mum  :D ;)

You make a great point and you are right I have changed from that scared angry person that I was. I think you have nailed my brother perfectly...I have been slowing tearing away the façade that once protected Liz and she is now able to breathe.

Rocky Mountail oysters is priceless and I have no doubt it would be lost on him. LOL

Thanks Cindy

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on March 12, 2018, 07:46:29 am
Liz, best wishes for Wednesday.  Your brother might surprise you, but even if not at least this makes it easier to park some stuff in the past and move on to greater things.
 
The key thing is you now know who you are, and you're awesome. 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Anne Blake on March 12, 2018, 02:59:10 pm
Hi Liz, I fully agree with Cindy and Kendra. You have come so far since we began exchanging messages. The Liz that I know has grown so much and while your big heart wants to find unity with family you know that you need to keep your priorities straight. You can still love your brother but keep him at enough distance to protect your self.

We know about Rocky Mountain oysters, living here  in the Rocky Mountains, but how did you learn of them half way around the world?

Tia Anne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 12, 2018, 06:24:05 pm
Liz, best wishes for Wednesday.  Your brother might surprise you, but even if not at least this makes it easier to park some stuff in the past and move on to greater things.
 
The key thing is you now know who you are, and you're awesome.

Thank you Kendra...In a way I do hope I am wrong and it all works but I also in total agreement with you. I was saying to Meryl the other day when we were talking, that I have grieved for the loss of him and my parents as I new them. I now intend to move on...

It is the amazing support I receive here that makes a big difference in my life and people who I hardly know(compared to family) have shown me amazing understanding and compassion which has made this journey of self discovery so much better...Thanks for being there Kendra
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 12, 2018, 06:33:35 pm
Hi Liz, I fully agree with Cindy and Kendra. You have come so far since we began exchanging messages. The Liz that I know has grown so much and while your big heart wants to find unity with family you know that you need to keep your priorities straight. You can still love your brother but keep him at enough distance to protect your self.

We know about Rocky Mountain oysters, living here  in the Rocky Mountains, but how did you learn of them half way around the world?

Tia Anne

Hi Tia Anne

I did not think it possible that my family relationships would end up like this but you are right I have been able to now keep them at enough distance to protect myself. Unfortunately it has taken some time to work this out because of there attempts "not to hurt my feelings". I hope they can all find some peace with this and keeping them uninvolved in my life seems to be the best way to handle it.

We have a similar saying both here in Australia and in New Zealand for "Rocky mountain Oysters" and knowing Cindy's awfully wicked sense of humour(along with our friend google) I was able to work it out. Hmmm don't they sound yummy!!!

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on March 12, 2018, 10:59:23 pm
Hi Miss Liz,

  We have talked on this and you know my thoughts. As the others have said, I will hope for the best and I will be right here for you whatever the outcome.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on March 13, 2018, 04:39:03 am
Best wishes with your brother Liz. Transitioning is hard for everyone involved so if the shutters go up don't take it to heart, you can still love him just the same.
Often time and patience are enough to mend even the greatest of rifts. Just be yourself at all times, people appreciate if someone is honest and sincere with them, even if they may not agree with you or show it.

Big hug,

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 18, 2018, 01:22:12 am
I wanted to give a final update the situation with my brother after our meeting on Wednesday. I was pretty upset after the meeting and for the following couple of days. I am still mulling over what was said but suffice to say I have a far clearer idea of what has transpired since I first came out to him. There are things I suspect and there are things I know for a fact. The meeting itself lasted about 3 1/2 hours.

I was accused of a number of things, none of which was true or even plausible in some cases. It would seem that this has been going on for quite a number of years with him undermining me in several ways. It would appear that he even may have been responsible for "outing" me to my parents prior to my coming out to them in 2015...this would go a long way to explain their odd reaction (or lack of it). It would seem he has been feeding them pieces of information which he may have felt was benign but should have been left to me. Unfortunately the damage is done

I have taken action and have distanced myself from my entire family in order to protect them, my wife, daughters and me from further stress and hurt. When my family impact me in the way that they do it has a flow on effect. I love my family and understand that my parents struggle with me being Trans, especially my mother and Father. When the distress this causes me begins to threaten the relationships with my own family then it’s time to limit the possible damage and make some changes

I don't want anyone hurt anymore so I have asked my brother to ensure he keeps things to himself(he won’t but I have asked). He said after our discussion he needed to “think about things” before he decided if he wants to have an ongoing relationship with me...he is such an arrogant ass. I do not wish to have anything further to do with him despite what he may decide to do. I will be keeping them all at a distance and unfortunately that also means my extended family as there seems to be some who are upset by my Facebook postings.

I never wanted this and tried for the last 3 years to prevent this from happening have put a number of things in place so that they have very little to no interaction or contact with me in the hope that it will reduce any stress they may have by having to interact with me. There will be no more Skypes, Phone calls or meetings. I will contact them on Fathers/Mother’s Day, Birthdays and anniversaries via a card, txt or email but nothing that involves chatting. I can't trust that what I say won't me misinterpreted and blown up like so many of the things my brother accuses me of.
I am and always have been one to give people the benefit of the doubt however this is now over and I will not be speaking to them of it again.  :'( :'(
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on March 18, 2018, 02:07:23 am
Liz, I’m so sorry it has come to this. You have done everything possible. Your own family will always come first. It sounds like you have a very strong relationship with your wife and daughters. They are what’s most important in your life.

You can always retain a little hope that things with your brother and parents become better over time, but that is entirely up to them. You have done all you can do.

Here is one of those virtual hugs I wish I could make real.

(((((HUG)))))

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on March 18, 2018, 03:21:19 am
Oh wow Liz... I am so sorry it came to this.  But you are incredibly strong, and your post here shows you are already far ahead of the game. 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Megan. on March 18, 2018, 06:05:20 am
Big hugs Liz.

Sadly, family often know how how to hurt us the most, and this is from where we only ever receive love.

My relatives all live within a 30 minute drive of me, but i see them rarely since my transition. My mum even requested I no  longer send cards to her on typical occasions, they are now only addressed to my father.

As always, you have a wonderful family here who love you unconditionally. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on March 18, 2018, 10:46:56 am
I’m sorry Liz that your brother has acted the way he has.  I think he doesn’t really understand that his actions reflect his own insecurities of his own life and the need to deflect attention to something else.  Unable to accept anything that doesn’t fit his vision of how he wants things, not caring that everyone has their own valid vision of life.  He sounds selfish and could do with a few sessions of self awareness therapy.  Unlikely to work though, considering it all.

Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on March 18, 2018, 10:56:35 am
Well its there loss. it always makes me wonder why folk can be total  a holes. Still its less stress on you now ( that's my every cloud has a silver lining ) BIG HUGS
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 18, 2018, 03:10:13 pm
Feel for you Liz ...you are a family person.....
small minded people are a plague .....
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on March 19, 2018, 06:27:02 am
Sorry to here things didn't work out for you Liz.

All any of us can do is be ourselves, not what others want us to be to fit in with their world view.

Treasure what you have got and maybe in the future attitudes may soften towards us trans folk.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on March 19, 2018, 09:13:02 am
I just caught up on this.  Ouch!

I can definitely relate to your situation, Liz, as you likely know.  I’m sorry you’ve been hit with this. It does sound like you are taking the only reasonable actions that you can.

Just know that as others have done in the past, you can build a new family, a more accepting and welcoming family for yourself.  Over time, this will happen and you wil find you are doing better.

Hugs,
Michelle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 23, 2018, 06:14:43 pm
Thank you all for the Kind words. I have been keeping a low profile and sorting my way through the myriad of emotions that come up when something like this happen. But I have to say I am sleeping better again...still missing an appetite but I am sure that will come.

On to brighter things

New Glasses

(https://i.imgur.com/VI1puli.jpg)

I really like them and love the different colours in the frames which are hard to see in this Picture. heading out to a group support meeting soon but thought I would just do a quick update whilst I had the chance!

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on March 23, 2018, 06:26:51 pm
Very nice!  And you look great in that shirt.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on March 23, 2018, 10:02:47 pm
Really enjoyed chatting with you tonight Liz. You are such a warm and friendly person. Moni
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on March 24, 2018, 06:41:26 am
I like the new peepers Liz, and the pinks really suit you.

Glad to here you're sleeping a little better :)

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 25, 2018, 09:11:44 pm
Thanks for compliments...a gal can never get too many..

Moni Moni Moni.....what an absolute pleasure it was to speak with both you and Anne. I really enjoyed hearing her perspective on things. It was brilliant to get such down to earth practical advice. I was incredible to see how closely we matched each others feelings...it really has made me re-think where I was.

After a great call with Moni ,Anne and that other reprobate Laurie (Hi darl :))  I went off to a support meeting. It seems there are 4 of us all heading for surgery within the next 6 months so you can i8magine the topic of conversation....full cavity vs no cavity, Electrolysis vs Laser, inability to find Genital Electrolysis services etc etc but all in all a nice few hours. Even managed to find info on a LBGT group that is local to me so will have to see how that goes...

Just started the process to see if I can get my SRS paid for via my super...that would leave me sitting in a much better financial situation and is the most appealing because I can also claim airfares and accommodation (at least I am going to try)

Other than that I am feeling quite a bit more relaxed (thank Moni, Anne and Laurie) and am sleeping better again...except for last night but will blame this innocent looking little guy for it...

(https://i.imgur.com/kgKzFSo.jpg)

...butter wouldn't melt in my mouth? :D

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on March 26, 2018, 12:53:23 am
Though I hardly got a word in edgewise I enjoyed the session also. That Woman and sweet Ann ( I don't know what she sees in Moini? Merkie? Whatever) both enjoyed talking with you Liz.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on March 31, 2018, 08:24:01 pm
Been a busy week with one thing and another. Still working on using superannuation to pay for my surgery but that seems to be moving along in the right direction. It's been a peaceful week in all with the highlight being, having my hair done.

(https://i.imgur.com/0Sq2yBa.jpg)

Having my Daughters over for a family meal this evening...that should be a lot of fun.

Have started on redecorating my space...trying to turn it into a Girl Cave and could use some suggestions...

Managed to get through mowing the lawns this week, with only a minimal amount of Dysphoria. All in all it seemed to be a bit better than it normally is, however I remained quite down for the remainder of the day. I wish I knew why it impacts me so badly but I think its probably one of those things that may never change. Overall I have been feeling very positive this last week with only a couple of days when things weren't that great.

I am now down to 101kgs so 5 more to lose to hit my surgery weight....I have been spending time hunting down accomodation for the two weeks after surgery where I need to remain in Melbourne before I am "released" to return to Adelaide. I have no clue as to what things I am going to need on a more practical level...a donut to sit on, pads, lube are a few things that spring to mind, but I am told the surgeon will give me a list after our final presurgery consult in September.  Plenty of time..241 days to go...not that I am counting LOL

Hope to catch up on everyones threads whilst here today..

Take care

Liz


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on April 01, 2018, 04:06:08 am
Wow lots going on with you Liz, and what a smile :).
I'm also in the process of making my cave more feminine. Man things are being replaced by soft fluffy things. All the pictures on the walls have have been replaced and I discovered I love purple.
Good job with the weight, I lovely to hear your progress :)

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on April 01, 2018, 05:33:58 pm
Your looking good Liz the weight loss and hair really make a difference😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on April 02, 2018, 03:25:55 am
Liz, congratulations on weight loss!  I had to do this a couple decades ago - it was so difficult but incredibly rewarding.  And as additional encouragement, after you keep a desired weight for awhile it becomes easier to maintain as your metabolism adjusts. 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on April 02, 2018, 02:49:58 pm
Very smart, well done on the diet , managed to lose a couple of LB ( 1 kilo?)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 10, 2018, 09:25:14 pm
So Once again Life has overtaken me and I have been slow to keep in touch with everyone...although I have had the chance to speak to a number of you lovely ladies via skype which I have enjoyed so much. Thankyou to all that have taken the time to chat with me.

The weight loss continues very slowly which is fine by me as I am told it is better to lose it slowly as it has a tendency to staff off easier if you do...well I guess time will tell.

I continue with my quest to get early superannuation release to  pay for my surgery in 231 days. I have been frantically organising appointments to have the paperwork filled out. It all appears to be on track...so far...

Received an e-mail from my Father wanting me to attend my mothers 75th Birthday in New Zealand in June . I have politely declined on the basis of the prohibitive cost for a few days...that's my excuse and I am sticking to it. The only spanner that could be thrown in the works is my older brother may offer to pay for the air ticket (he has several times in the past). I will have to deal with that when and if it happens. I still have not heard from my brother who was going off to "think about things" and decide if he wanted a relationship with me. Unbeknownst to him that decision has already been made...by me!!

It is hot here as were are in the middle of an Autum heatwave...highly unusual with hopefully a cool change due in this afternoon. I am sick of melting...went to an appointment yesterday and spent an hour running back and forth out of the heat trying to get my makeup from sliding down my cheeks...I eventually got it as good as I could with as few sweat lines as possible...Attended my appointment and confirmed my medication pump is going to be replaced(YAY) and I don't have to see my specialist now until next year!! He is very pleased with my progress and appreciates the difference getting the GD under control has had in my ability to deal with my pain issues.

Still working on the batgirl cave...have cleaned most of it and taken out a couple of bags of junk(with plenty more to go)and slowly getting my space back.

Will try and catch up with everyones threads before I have to go out today hope everyone is well.

Take care

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Anne Blake on April 10, 2018, 09:36:10 pm
Liz, kudos for keeping your commitment to protect yourself from the painful family stuff! I know that it can be difficult to hold your ground and I am pleased to see you staying strong.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on April 10, 2018, 09:37:42 pm
Lovely to hear from you Liz.

I can vouch for the heat wave. I'm photographing spiders wearing a bikini.
They look a bit strange but .......
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on April 10, 2018, 10:04:30 pm
Thank you Liz for the visit to my thread......I need to catch up on yours!
231 days.......excited much?

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 10, 2018, 10:30:21 pm
Thank you Liz for the visit to my thread......I need to catch up on yours!
231 days.......excited much?

Hugs and smiles, Jess

nah..not even counting 231 days 6hrs 37mintues and 23..no 22 no 21 seconds

Lovely to hear from you Liz.

I can vouch for the heat wave. I'm photographing spiders wearing a bikini.
They look a bit strange but .......

Its when they run off with your glass of wine you know you have a problem...  ;D

Liz, kudos for keeping your commitment to protect yourself from the painful family stuff! I know that it can be difficult to hold your ground and I am pleased to see you staying strong.

Tia Anne

Thanks Tia Anne you are absolutely right!!! its all the support I receive that helps me stay strong...so thank you  :)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on April 21, 2018, 09:37:41 pm
Its been about 10 days since I last posted and I have been busy with getting all my paperwork prepared for my superannuation release. This is time consuming  but both Drs have been really helpful and completed the forms with a minimum of fuss.

I confirmed with my Psychologist that I used to see for my therapy that she would write my second surgery letter and she is more than happy to do that for me. Confirmed with my primary Psych that he is prepared to write my primary letter and he is fine. So I see them both just before my next appointment with the surgeon and will have the letter when he calls 10 days later. So all that is progressing

Lost a Thomas Sabo bracelet yesterday much to my disgust...well over $200 to replace it. I have rung around however no one seems to have handed it in...it has real sentimental value to me far more than the $$ amounts.

Skyped with Laurie and Michelle twice which was very nice and lots of lively discussions...trying to persuade them than Road Trip 4 should be "Down Under". I am sure between Cindy and I we could find them plenty to do and put them up for a bit...although I haven't run this past Cindy yet as its a bit premature...gotta convince the two love birds first. LOL

Things remain the same no contact from anyone in the family (sigh of relief) including my wayward brother. I am still adamant that I will not be contacting them although Meryl and I were discussing it the other day and there is going to come a point where it will have to be dealt with. I am happy to let sleeping dogs lie at the moment.

So 220 days 14 hrs and 34 minutes till GCS....not that I am counting...I have been asked if I am getting excited about it and right up until very recently I could not see it as real...well things are starting to feel that way now and I am starting to feel a little something about it...this is going to consume much of my time wether it be prepping or organsing...

Ok well I am about to have visitors in the form of both my Daughters and their boyfriends come over for a light lunch and some chit chat...always a lot of fun and an enjoyable time. I need it today..,for the first time in months I had a really horrible vivid nightmare about a family member and woke up with tears streaming down my face. It has taken me most of the morning to start to rid myself of the feelings of dread and doom. This afternoons activities should be the perfect foil for it.

Take care

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on April 22, 2018, 01:54:38 am
Hi Liz,
Sorry you lost your sentimental bracelet. Hopefully it shows up again.

It must be very exciting for you to be counting down to GCS, that is if you are counting! Keep us updated on your progress.

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on April 22, 2018, 04:14:41 pm
Hope you had a good time with kids, saw my daughter tonight.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on April 22, 2018, 04:44:05 pm
  Thanks for the update especially for not pestering us by counting down the 199 days 8 hours 43 minutes and 3 seconds. Some people become so obsessed with such trivialities. Glad to hear the part of no family drama yet but I fear like you do that it is going to occur. /sigh on the other hand it's a joy to read of the famial support you do have from Meryl and the girls.
  btw Did I mention I'm home again and the are only 29 days 3 hours 17 minutes and 4 seconds until Michelle and I see each other again? but who's counting right?

  Hugs, Liz
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Violets on April 23, 2018, 05:25:20 am
Liz, I can't blame you for counting down the days like that. Now is definitely a good time to start getting excited about your upcoming surgery!

Hugs,

Sonya.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 01, 2018, 10:45:34 pm
So once again my slackness is showing by my lack of updates but I am getting better...maybe...anyway as far as updates go

I was so upset about losing my bracelett and had lost out all hope when it came to the  following wednesday and I had no contact from anyone I just assumed it was lost. BUT at about 5 pm on Thursday I received a call from one of the shops to say that a worker from the store had just found my bracelet on a shelf and had handed it in to management. I was estatatic, and went the following morning first thing to pick it up. I was so happy that I left the manager a bottle of bubbles to share with her staff. I find that kind of honesty refreshing...it absolutely made my day.

The other thing I have been busy doing is organising the flights and accomodation for November. With 6 months (209 days 18 hrs and 6 minutes if you are counting along :) ) to go I figured now is the perfect time to grab some cheap accomodation. I not only managed that but I got some really cheap return airfares...this also enables me to put together the last of my funding request.

I was just about to post off my superannuation forms for my GCS funding and as I read the instructions, I noted that they stated clearly that the entire form had to be filled out by the Dr. Now me in my attempt to help had completed the basic information on the form including in the Dr's area and in each case the information was about the hospital that I was having the op at....long story short I had to race around and get both the Drs to re-write the parts of the report that had been computer filled. I have fixed one and am waiting on the other to come back from the Dr's but that won't happen until at least next week so I just have to sit tight....I should have known better and read the instructions first...sigh...no real harm done it just delays stuff for a week.

Had an uplifting conversation the other day with my wife. I was procrastinating over booking the accomodation and airfares for Melbourne and each time I went to confirm it I hesitated and began running things back through my head and then I would have another go and then stop and so on and so on. When I eventually sat down for a coffee and she asked me if I had sorted out the accommodation and if not then why not? So I babbled on about some stuff, running excuses but no reasons...she stopped me and gently told me that it was time I took care of myself that I had spent a huge portion of my life being who I wasn't for other people and it was now time to take care of me.....WOW what can you say to that...I went directly to the computer and paid for the accomodation and airfares without further hesitation. Her generostiy of spirit never fails to amaze me, even after 35 years.

Today I attended a sugical consult in regards to my bad hip...I have to have a new hip one...a hip replacement at 55...bugger...and I have to have it ASAP....now what that means is it is supposed to be done within 90 days but we will see what happens because I doubt it will happen that quickly. I will be glad to lose my cane which I have had for the last few years although the surgeon did say I needed my right side doing as badly as this side but that will be for another time. I have emailed my surgeon, as with these things it is more likley to go well over 90 days before they will get to me and it could easily be towards November before I have my new hip which of course could potentionally cause me issues if Dr Ives has some rules around how close together he will do surgeries. I should know fairly soon what his parameters are.

Things have become very real as far as surgery goes. I can actually feel a little excitement starting to build now that I have booked and paid for everything...it is taking on a very real feel to it. I am fluctuating between being scared/terrified to happy/elated and all stages in between. Overall I am very positive about it but would love to skip straight to post recovery.

So that is my life at the moment...each day I get one closer to my GCS and also its now one closer to a new hip as well YAY!!! I am looking forward to spending a little time here catching up with everyone's lives over the last week

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 01, 2018, 10:59:53 pm
Hi Liz,
   
  I am so glad that you got your bracelet back. I know that you said it means a lot to you. A new hip too? oh my you are turning into the bionic woman you are. I sure hope all goes well with your superannuation request and your surgeries. Yeah both of them. Talk to you again soon.
 
 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on May 02, 2018, 01:03:21 am
Liz, it was so sweet of your wife to help you sort out plans, and in such a loving way.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on May 02, 2018, 04:01:47 am
Well that was lovely post to wake up to this morning Liz, much better than the electric bill I got :)

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on May 02, 2018, 10:27:26 am
Liz, this is great!  And I am so glad you have your bracelet back. 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on May 02, 2018, 02:46:09 pm
Liz, I was so happy to read you got your bracelet back. It’s nice to know there are still honest people out there. Then there is the new hip, GCS, you are going to be one busy girl this year. I am sending you my best wishes.

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on May 02, 2018, 03:18:20 pm


Today I attended a sugical consult in regards to my bad hip...I have to have a new hip one...a hip replacement at 55...bugger...and I have to have it ASAP....now what that means is it is supposed to be done within 90 days but we will see what happens because I doubt it will happen that quickly. I will be glad to lose my cane which I have had for the last few years although the surgeon did say I needed my right side doing as badly as this side but that will be for another time. I have emailed my surgeon, as with these things it is more likley to go well over 90 days before they will get to me and it could easily be towards November before I have my new hip which of course could potentionally cause me issues if Dr Ives has some rules around how close together he will do surgeries. I should know fairly soon what his parameters are.


My wife was told this morning she needed a new hip also ASAP.  She is quite concerned, but she is, like you Elizabeth, near the golden time of 60 where it is the best age for hip replacement. 

Hugs, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 09, 2018, 08:57:24 pm
Thanks to you all for the kind words of support. The bracelet was a highlight for sure. Unfortunately there has been a change on the hip front.

I emailed my GCS surgeon to find out any special requirements he may have if I am having a hip replacement. He came back saying my hips need to be at 90 degrees for 3 hours and the operation was considered a "dirty" op. I did mention it too the nurse at the time of the interview after being scheduling, saying I was having major surgery in November. She was not overly concerned.

I ended up speaking to an admission nurse yesterday and explaining that my November Surgery could not be changed. She spoke to the surgeon and it was decided by them that I would have to wait until after my GCS to have my hip done. The arrangement being that when I have complete skin integrity again I can then go back on the waiting list to have my hip done. So not a great outcome but not a terrible one either. They very very nice and it was about not risking the new hip so soon after it being fixed as there is a period where they are prone to dislocation.

At the request of my father I had a very controlled conversation with him over skype. My mother was absent again. I managed to get through it with only a little misgendering or misnaming. I did not ask nor did I draw him out on anything to heavy and as soon as the "fluffy stuff" had been talked about I found an excuse to end the call. He suggested we do it again soon, I smiled and wished him goodnight. I was only upset for a short period of time and rallied again by 7 or 8 last night. Today I am fine unlike other times when it would drag me down for days...I guess you call that progress  ;)

So today is my 2 year TRANIVERSARY I started my HRT 2 years today. Wow what a ride!!! I never realised how much crap the average Trans man/woman has to put up with on a daily basis, there are examples everywhere I look, along with sexism and racism. However in amongst this there are pockets of great people and I have been blessed to find many of them here. Susan’s has been one of the great constants in my life since the beginning of my Transition. I have met some wonderful people here and forged some lifelong friendships.

I have had a few losses along the way, but the gains I have made for the peace of my own spirit have been enormous. My daily nagging dysphoria has on most days disappeared, it no longer consumes my every thought. I feel much happier as me and free of many of the hang-ups I had.

I look back and think about the first time I met Cindy at the Glenelg for coffee. Still so very unsure and jumping at my own shadows. I am now learning to embrace my newly found "femaleness" just wanting to blend in as a another female in the crowd. I think I manage that most of the time. I am mostly gendered correctly or not at all. I tend to be "othered" a lot but on those rare occasions where I am treated as a female it makes me so stupidly happy. I think as my transition progresses and I get older I will blend in more and more as I naturally fall in the social roll more easily and HRT continues to work its subtleties.

Only 201 days 17 hours 27 mintues  till GCS day...not that I am counting LOL You really know its going to happen when you start appopriating items needed for recovery...the reality is sinking in and the excitement may be sitting just under the surface somewhere....its many many years in the making. Both my Daughters found out on the weekend I was having surgery and both were so supportive with one telling me its "my time" to look after me and another telling me she doesn't care about the surgery and just wants me to be happy. I love them both so much.

I am going to try and catch up on everyones threads whilst I am here and I am pretty sure that it won't be too much longer until I able to once again spend more time here with you all.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Anne Blake on May 09, 2018, 09:48:33 pm
Hi Liz,

Congratulations on your 2nd year TRANIVERSARY! I just looked back in my PM history and saw that you and I began conversing 2 years ago this August. It has been a pleasure enjoying watching your progress along with each of our stumbles from time to time. Back then I could not well imagine that either of us would get this far along, yet here we are and both of us happy. Good on you girl!

Tia Anne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on May 10, 2018, 12:07:24 am
Two years HRT!  Wow - congratulations, and so many accomplishments along the way.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 10, 2018, 12:46:13 am
Of course I have to add my condol Congratulations Liz, Girlfriend, confidant, whipping post, counselor, and just plain friend. 2 whole years! and your GCS is only 201 days away. What great progress.

 Thank you for being here for me.

Love ya,
  Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on May 10, 2018, 03:06:02 pm
Excuse to bake another cake then , well done love must be 200 days now not that anybodys counting ---------
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 10, 2018, 08:16:22 pm
Hi Liz,

Congratulations on your 2nd year TRANIVERSARY! I just looked back in my PM history and saw that you and I began conversing 2 years ago this August. It has been a pleasure enjoying watching your progress along with each of our stumbles from time to time. Back then I could not well imagine that either of us would get this far along, yet here we are and both of us happy. Good on you girl!

Tia Anne

I remember being focussed on just getting HRT for a start...and now here we are all this time down the track and its GCS at the top[ of my list.

I was surprisd to find out that even after 2 years there are still members of my family who don't know what to call me? Go figure...

Two years HRT!  Wow - congratulations, and so many accomplishments along the way.

Thankyou Kendra you are a love

Of course I have to add my condol Congratulations Liz, Girlfriend, confidant, whipping post, counselor, and just plain friend. 2 whole years! and your GCS is only 201 days away. What great progress.

 Thank you for being here for me.

Love ya,
  Laurie

Whipping post? now I thought we were not going to talk about that LOL

It has been a pleasure getting to know not only you but all the great people that support me...it has been a real rollercoaster of emotions along the way and from that has grown a great and precious friendship.

Excuse to bake another cake then , well done love must be 200 days now not that anybodys counting ---------

Oh a cake sounds wonderful...yes please!!! yes 200 days 20 hours and 4 minutes...not that anyone is counting!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on May 10, 2018, 10:42:57 pm
Congratulations on 2 years, Liz. And only 200 days until GCS! Woooohooo! GCS is not yet at the top of my list, but I am discovering that as I meet one goal, a new goal appears in its place. One goal at a time, we are becoming more and more whole. Cake sounds like a great way to celebrate! May I have a piece please?

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 15, 2018, 07:25:05 pm
Congrats  Liz 😊
There's a good live rendition  of whiping post ala Mr Zappa 😇
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 18, 2018, 11:01:03 pm
My next door neighbour came over and as we were talking she said to me that her (highly religious, industrial accident investigator, anti LGBT) husband was going to work the other day when he noticed a woman getting out of her car at the park to walk her dog and his first thoughts were what a good woman to be out walking her dog...then 30 seconds later he realised it was me and just about had a fit. It blew his phobic mind that I looked like a woman...mind you it blew my mind also!!!

I laughed along with her and then she said " he doesn't know whether to call you he or she" I smiled at her and said..."He is not much of an investigator if he can't see I am a she" With that comment she roared with laughter and off she went...I told her to pass along to him that the woman in question was very pleased he had recognised her as such....

Who says I can't blend in LOL I must update my profile pic
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on May 18, 2018, 11:20:13 pm
 Wow Liz that must have been a load of fun and affirming for you.  Yes I can see someone having a fit about their own inability to see a difference and blame  the woman he saw for it. Too rich!! Good for you.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on May 18, 2018, 11:30:03 pm
My next door neighbour came over and as we were talking she said to me that her (highly religious, industrial accident investigator, anti LGBT) husband was going to work the other day when he noticed a woman getting out of her car at the park to walk her dog and his first thoughts were what a good woman to be out walking her dog...then 30 seconds later he realised it was me and just about had a fit. It blew his phobic mind that I looked like a woman...mind you it blew my mind also!!!

I laughed along with her and then she said " he doesn't know whether to call you he or she" I smiled at her and said..."He is not much of an investigator if he can't see I am a she" With that comment she roared with laughter and off she went...I told her to pass along to him that the woman in question was very pleased he had recognised her as such....

Who says I can't blend in LOL I must update my profile pic

What a great thing to have happen, wonderful!

Oh and congratulations on two years!

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on May 19, 2018, 06:40:36 am
My next door neighbour came over and as we were talking she said to me that her (highly religious, industrial accident investigator, anti LGBT) husband was going to work the other day when he noticed a woman getting out of her car at the park to walk her dog and his first thoughts were what a good woman to be out walking her dog...then 30 seconds later he realised it was me and just about had a fit. It blew his phobic mind that I looked like a woman...mind you it blew my mind also!!!

I laughed along with her and then she said " he doesn't know whether to call you he or she" I smiled at her and said..."He is not much of an investigator if he can't see I am a she" With that comment she roared with laughter and off she went...I told her to pass along to him that the woman in question was very pleased he had recognised her as such....

Who says I can't blend in LOL I must update my profile pic
Ha ha!  What a great, affirming story!  Being gendered correctly is a win, but messing with his head gets you bonus points.   >:-)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on May 19, 2018, 02:02:10 pm
So pleased for you, it makes all the effort worth while. Hugs XXXX
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on May 20, 2018, 03:38:34 pm
My next door neighbour came over and as we were talking she said to me that her (highly religious, industrial accident investigator, anti LGBT) husband was going to work the other day when he noticed a woman getting out of her car at the park to walk her dog and his first thoughts were what a good woman to be out walking her dog...then 30 seconds later he realised it was me and just about had a fit. It blew his phobic mind that I looked like a woman...mind you it blew my mind also!!!

I laughed along with her and then she said " he doesn't know whether to call you he or she" I smiled at her and said..."He is not much of an investigator if he can't see I am a she" With that comment she roared with laughter and off she went...I told her to pass along to him that the woman in question was very pleased he had recognised her as such....

Who says I can't blend in LOL I must update my profile pic

That's awesome Liz, I got confused for my mum the other week. Awkward was putting it mildly. You're response to his better half was classic. Good for you :)

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Anne Blake on May 20, 2018, 03:50:56 pm
Hi Liz, you need to cut the guy some slack. You said that he was an "Accident Investigator". Of course he didn't recognize you girl, you are by no means an accident. You are every bit the woman you are and intentional at that.....no accident, nothing for an investigator to notice.

But you have made all of us laugh and smile, thank you.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 25, 2018, 04:05:18 am
Hi Liz, you need to cut the guy some slack. You said that he was an "Accident Investigator". Of course he didn't recognize you girl, you are by no means an accident. You are every bit the woman you are and intentional at that.....no accident, nothing for an investigator to notice.

But you have made all of us laugh and smile, thank you.

Tia Anne

Thanks Tia Anne I needed to read that


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 25, 2018, 04:06:17 am
That's awesome Liz, I got confused for my mum the other week. Awkward was putting it mildly. You're response to his better half was classic. Good for you :)

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

sometimes you just gotta say it how it is lol


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 26, 2018, 08:52:17 pm
Last Week my 2 year Tranniversary slipped by without me really saying too much about it. I was in the process of organising a new profile pic which I have now done. I have also updat4ed my Pic on the forum to show the progress I have made.

The photo you see of me in guy mode is from 9 months prior to starting HRT in late 2015. It is quite obvious that I am not a "happy camper" and I am always amazed when I see these type pf pics side by side.


The last 2 years have been full of great joys along with the lowest of lows and it is only now after all this time that I am beginning to accept that the "man in mirror" is fading. Each and every time I look in the mirror I see less and less of him. I guess that's progress!!

(https://i.imgur.com/qG4sM6h.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/2gGIP85.jpg)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on May 26, 2018, 09:23:26 pm
Last Week my 2 year Tranniversary slipped by without me really saying too much about it. I was in the process of organising a new profile pic which I have now done. I have also updat4ed my Pic on the forum to show the progress I have made.

The photo you see of me in guy mode is from 9 months prior to starting HRT in late 2015. It is quite obvious that I am not a "happy camper" and I am always amazed when I see these type pf pics side by side.


The last 2 years have been full of great joys along with the lowest of lows and it is only now after all this time that I am beginning to accept that the "man in mirror" is fading. Each and every time I look in the mirror I see less and less of him. I guess that's progress!!

(https://i.imgur.com/qG4sM6h.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/2gGIP85.jpg)
Wow! That is an amazing transformation Liz. Your new profile pic looks great! Even better is that you look so much happier.

Happy 2 year tranniversary!

However, I am a little concerned.....you didn’t update us on how many days until GCS. Surely you haven’t stopped counting!

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Anne Blake on May 26, 2018, 09:47:52 pm
Wow girl! Yes, procedures and chemistry do wonders but seeing the spirit and joy in your face, wow, what a change! I must admit when you and I first started writing some of his old spirit was pulling the joy from your heart but now, no sign of that. Yes, the ups and downs still come far to regularly but the Liz that is prominently showing in your picture....it is a pleasure to know you girlfriend.

Tia Anne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on May 26, 2018, 10:25:10 pm
Liz, I have been following your exploits for some time and all I can say is Bravo!  Looking at the current photo I see a beautiful and happy person.  Happy second tranniversary.  Keep smiling sister!!
Judi
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on May 27, 2018, 04:56:24 am
Liz, absolutely amazing in so many ways. 

Congratulations on two years as you.  Wow. 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on May 27, 2018, 07:10:55 am
Congratulations Liz, you look wonderful, although we didn’t get chance to speak it was great to see you in person last Wednesday evening.

Nicole
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on May 27, 2018, 01:44:29 pm
Poster girl for HRT, looking very well Liz now how many days is it as have lost count!!!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on May 27, 2018, 02:46:38 pm
I'd say it's progress Liz with a cherry on top and added sprinkles! Wow what a difference, you look amazing.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on May 28, 2018, 01:26:34 am
Wow! That is an amazing transformation Liz. Your new profile pic looks great! Even better is that you look so much happier.

Happy 2 year tranniversary!

However, I am a little concerned.....you didn’t update us on how many days until GCS. Surely you haven’t stopped counting!

Hugs,
Jayne


Jayne you are so right and no I haven't.... I didn't update you so here goes 183 Days 44 Minutes and 22 seconds (everyone sing along) "not that I am counting"....Thankyou for the kinds words of encouragement. Its this kind of support that help me to thrive!!

Wow girl! Yes, procedures and chemistry do wonders but seeing the spirit and joy in your face, wow, what a change! I must admit when you and I first started writing some of his old spirit was pulling the joy from your heart but now, no sign of that. Yes, the ups and downs still come far to regularly but the Liz that is prominently showing in your picture....it is a pleasure to know you girlfriend.

Tia Anne

Tia Anne you and I started this journey at the same time and we have both had "our moments" and I am so glad we got to share them. Thankyou for your words of encouragement., its always nice to hear a compliment.

Liz, I have been following your exploits for some time and all I can say is Bravo!  Looking at the current photo I see a beautiful and happy person.  Happy second tranniversary.  Keep smiling sister!!
Judi


Hi Judi I am so glad my posts have meant something to you and hopefully they have also been of some help even if only as entertainment.  ;) Thanks for your support I appreciate it.


Liz, absolutely amazing in so many ways. 

Congratulations on two years as you.  Wow. 

Hard to believe isn't it..2 years...Hope you are recovering from your facial rearrangement  :D


Congratulations Liz, you look wonderful, although we didn’t get chance to speak it was great to see you in person last Wednesday evening.

Nicole

Nicole thankyou so much, I wish  we had gotten the chance to chat as I love meeting gals from the board never mind next time maybe. I will certainly be going if Mazzini does another one. Thank you for your kinds words.

Poster girl for HRT, looking very well Liz now how many days is it as have lost count!!!!


Never considered myself to be a poster girl for HRT LOL, Sounds good to me though!! but then again I am still chasing "her" in the mirror...my brain is being a little slow to catch up....time will soon fix that.


I'd say it's progress Liz with a cherry on top and added sprinkles! Wow what a difference, you look amazing.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Thanks Sadie, it feels like progress finally after all this time, especially since I never thought HRT would make that much difference, yet here I am 2 years down the track and feeling as good about myself as I look.


I really do appreciate the comments and input I get from everybody. Sometimes its easy to forget how far we have come and I am as guilty as anyone for doing this.


Take care


Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on May 28, 2018, 01:57:08 am
183 days, 16 minutes, 12 seconds, 11, 10, 9, 8 ....

Counting with you Liz!!!

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on May 31, 2018, 08:27:37 pm
Catching up here Liz! Congratulations on you being so awesome. Love the before and after, well... the after is like WOW, so happy and so you! You look wonderful! I look back fondly on our Skype session when 'that woman' was here. (Never saw her so quiet!) It was a pleasure talking to you. Sorry about my funny accent! lol
Moni
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 03, 2018, 12:27:04 am
Catching up here Liz! Congratulations on you being so awesome. Love the before and after, well... the after is like WOW, so happy and so you! You look wonderful! I look back fondly on our Skype session when 'that woman' was here. (Never saw her so quiet!) It was a pleasure talking to you. Sorry about my funny accent! lol
Moni

Moni I loved our Skype call and would be only to happy to do it again any time you want. Ask "that woman" and she will tell you I can babble on for hours given half a chance.

Thank you for being to lovely about my new pics...it took 183 selfies over 4 days to get that one LOL

I am so glad to hear from you but then again I am a bit slack with my correspondence.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 03, 2018, 12:28:28 am
183 days, 16 minutes, 12 seconds, 11, 10, 9, 8 ....

Counting with you Liz!!!

 :icon_bumdance-nerd: :icon_bumdance-nerd: sub 180 days...under 6 months..OMG!!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on June 03, 2018, 01:05:20 am
Time is ticking away but who is counting? Right?

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on June 03, 2018, 03:32:09 am
:icon_bumdance-nerd: :icon_bumdance-nerd: sub 180 days...under 6 months..OMG!!!

Yay, 180 days, just enough time for a trip around the world. ;D

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on June 03, 2018, 09:51:12 am
Under 6 months, recon that's an early Christmas prezie then
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on June 04, 2018, 03:24:40 pm
:icon_bumdance-nerd: :icon_bumdance-nerd: sub 180 days...under 6 months..OMG!!!
How exciting!! 6 months will be here before you know it.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 26, 2018, 02:24:08 am
Hello to everyone

Its been a couple of weeks since I did my last update. I have been reading a lot lately on TapaTalk which has helped me keep up with all the lunacy  ;D

I got my approval letter last evening from the Govt for my GCS funding via Early Super Release on Compassionate Grounds. :icon_bumdance-nerd: :icon_bumdance-nerd: The hardest part of the process!!!

Got in touch with my Superannuation today and I needed to submit a withdrawal form along with certified ID, all of which could be uploaded via their website. Which I have done. I should see the actual cash by this time next week unless their is some technical question about the form I submitted (there shouldn't be its straight forward)

I am really relieved to have this funding which includes all my expenses for airfares and accommodation for both myself and my partner. This whole process could have been a bit easier had I known a few things which I will share with you all in the thread about the subject.

I was chatting to Laurie as I was submitting the withdrawal form for processing saying to her how my heart was pounding in my chest as I hit the final submit button. I will not be surprised if there is not some small technical issue to be dealt with. But essentially I expect to see the funds this time next week and with 154 days 14 hours 10 minutes to go (not that anyone is counting).I will have the funds in plenty of time .I still have 86 days 14 hours 10 minutes to go (not that anyone is counting) :D till I have to pay for the surgery.

The last few weeks have been pretty busy, I attended a new LGBTQI support group for the second time and spent the afternoon chatting with a couple of ladies about all sorts of stuff and had a thoroughly lovely time. I have enjoyed both outing to this group so will be sure to make them regulars.


I started walking for exercise again 4 weeks ago and am back to my 5ks a day. My hip just barely tolerates this but to be fair it has actually reduced my overall daily pain. I enjoy getting out and I have always enjoyed the exercise, it has always made me feel better. My specific goal is to lose down to 90 Kgs from 106Kgs. After a false start due to some faulty scales I now have an accurate idea of my weight and I have 11Kgs (25 pound)to lose. I only need to lose 5kgs (11 pound)for surgery but I would like to be around 90 Kgs for my hip surgery the following March.


Had some unexpected excitement yesterday, was busy doing my chores only to vacuum out into the family room and notice some water on the floor....as I looked up I could see the tap running in the kitchen sink overflowing onto the bench and then onto the floating floor...panic...towels everywhere...mopping, mopping...opened the huge corner cupboard under the bench...flooded...both shelves...That's when I lost it and burst into tears...about 10 minutes later I felt better and settled to the job of removing every item from the cupboard and wiping out the two large shelves. About and hour later the place appeared to be mainly dry although the floor has been damaged and I will have to wait a few days to see how badly. Lesson for the day: Don't leave a running tap unattended when you are distracted  ::) :P

My father wants to Skype call me tomorrow...I love him dearly but it will be another hour of sheer willpower not to lash out when he will inevitably misgender or misname me. I should be more patient its only been 3 years  ;) He seems to try not too misgender or misname me, but I suspect that is only because he is talking to me as he constantly stumbles over my name and pronouns which are obviously unfamiliar to him. The sad part being is the only time I am misnamed or mis gendered it is by my own family. I really can't complain as this will only be the third call for the year and it was his birthday on Monday and I do love him. I will no doubt have to discuss the lack of promised contact from my Brother. "Frankly my dear" I don't give a dam!! I am so disgusted by his behaviour that I have no desire to have any contact with him.


I am sure I will be fine and am going to make a speciel effort with my appearance tomorrow for the skype call. I will have to put on my best camera makeup!!

Phew and thats the end

Take care

Liz


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on June 26, 2018, 02:50:50 am

Good to hear from you Hon. Only - how long????

You are a remarkable and gentle woman to keep persevering with your Father. I know you love your family deeply and I do admire your fortitude.

Hopefully in 154 days and some hours it will be considerably warmer and those salt baths won't freeze the .... Oh you won't have any to be frozen off!! :laugh:

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on June 26, 2018, 03:10:44 am
@ElizabethK
Dear Liz ... thank you so very much for posting your update just about a half hour ago.  You had been missing in action.... your readers and followers, including me, had been left wondering about your life events for over 3 weeks since your previous thread update....  we are a curious sort and you were missed for sure.

Wow-whee, lots of exciting things going on in your life as you stated in your very informative and detailed update about your GCS and progressing toward your transition goals .... and your exciting upcoming Skype with your father.... 
All of this is such wonderful news....  and I can just hear the glee in your voice as I read your update... even though I am just reading what you wrote and not actually hearing your speak.

Please keep us updated real soon regarding all of the events that you will be experiencing and especially tell us about how your Skype call went with your father..

We are all rooting for you and as your fans we want to be informed so we know how to support your efforts with our words and our thoughts.

Hugs and well wishes, as always,
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on June 26, 2018, 03:35:52 am
Nice to read your progress Liz :) Don't stress to much about your folks misgendering you, mine do it all the time to the point that I get an identity crisis ???. I know it can be really confusing and upsetting, but like you said their family and you love then to bits. That's all that matters, the rest is just words.
Good job with the 5ks, sounds like you're really getting in the swing of things, just take it slow and steady and you'll hit your targets I'm sure.
So I see you're still counting, but seem to have left out the seconds, milliseconds, nano and zeptoseconds. ;D

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on June 27, 2018, 02:26:30 am
Hi Liz,

Great news with getting the approval to release funds from your super. It must be a big relief for you to know the necessary costs will all be covered. It can free up your mind to keep an accurate countdown to the big day!

Good work with your weight loss so far. Keep up the effort and you will feel so much better for it. The hardest part is getting yourself into a regular exercise routine, something I am still struggling to do.

I hope you have not had too much water damage from your overflowing kitchen sink incident. Give the floor plenty of time to thoroughly dry, it may not be as bad as it appears.

Best wishes for the Skype call with your father.

Looking forward to your next update.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on June 27, 2018, 04:04:21 pm
That's good news my dear, me I am still trying to lose some fat but its not working yet. 28 lb before the end of Sept , must give up eating !!!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 27, 2018, 09:48:39 pm
Good to hear from you Hon. Only - how long????

You are a remarkable and gentle woman to keep persevering with your Father. I know you love your family deeply and I do admire your fortitude.

Hopefully in 154 days and some hours it will be considerably warmer and those salt baths won't freeze the .... Oh you won't have any to be frozen off!! :laugh:

OOhhh Heck has it been cold hasn't it...out walking this morning and I spotted a couple of brass monkeys searching the undergrowth...seems they were missing some personal items  :D

Thankyou for the kind words regarding my Dad  :) Unfortunately the call has been postponed (due to life interfering in our plans) and we should talk tomorrow. I do love my family and losing a member in the manner that I have, has been very difficult for me but my need to keep up the bravado about this is still ever present. 

We don't have a bath at home but I purchased a sitz bath (?) ( for those who don't know it is essentially a large wide plastic container, wide enough and  deep enough to just sit your fanny in it so you are able wash yourself)...I can just imagine the fun I am going to have with that!! .....and on your last point I agree I better not have any "bits" left down there  ;)

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 27, 2018, 10:15:40 pm
@ElizabethK
Dear Liz ... thank you so very much for posting your update just about a half hour ago.  You had been missing in action.... your readers and followers, including me, had been left wondering about your life events for over 3 weeks since your previous thread update....  we are a curious sort and you were missed for sure.

Wow-whee, lots of exciting things going on in your life as you stated in your very informative and detailed update about your GCS and progressing toward your transition goals .... and your exciting upcoming Skype with your father.... 
All of this is such wonderful news....  and I can just hear the glee in your voice as I read your update... even though I am just reading what you wrote and not actually hearing your speak.

Please keep us updated real soon regarding all of the events that you will be experiencing and especially tell us about how your Skype call went with your father..

We are all rooting for you and as your fans we want to be informed so we know how to support your efforts with our words and our thoughts.

Hugs and well wishes, as always,
Danielle



@alasakan Danielle


Hi Danielle

Glad you enjoyed the update  :) I do deserve a bit of a scolding for being slack  :D I have to be honest and say that it was a little bit of slackness on my behalf but what I am going to use as an excuse is that I have been using TapaTalk for the last three weeks trying to keep up with everyone but in the process I ended up spending the majority of my time constantly reading and only being able to reply to a handful of threads. I dumped TapaTalk 2 days ago and am back on my PC. I sometimes forget about those who have been following along with my story but I will be updating much more frequently.


As I mentioned in my response to Cindy, the Skype call has been delayed until tomorrow...Each day just before I try to make the call I put on my "emotional armour" only to have to remove it a few minutes later. The whole exercise making me feel very anxious. It will come to an end and I will be Ok again until my Birthday in early November. No one in my family (Parents, brothers etc) knows about my November Surgery and I will not be telling them! They made it very clear to me from day one that they "Didn't want to know any details"...and they haven't gotten any so far and won't now.


Thankyou for checking in and letting me know that you read my updates. Sometimes its easy to forget that other people actually read what you post...thankyou. I value the input from everyone who is able to take the time to sit and write something in this thread. I also value those that read and may never comment...thankyou I appreciate that you took the time to read in the first place  :)

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 27, 2018, 10:28:07 pm
Hi Liz,

Great news with getting the approval to release funds from your super. It must be a big relief for you to know the necessary costs will all be covered. It can free up your mind to keep an accurate countdown to the big day!

Good work with your weight loss so far. Keep up the effort and you will feel so much better for it. The hardest part is getting yourself into a regular exercise routine, something I am still struggling to do.

I hope you have not had too much water damage from your overflowing kitchen sink incident. Give the floor plenty of time to thoroughly dry, it may not be as bad as it appears.

Best wishes for the Skype call with your father.

Looking forward to your next update.

Hugs,
Jayne

Hi Jayne

It was a great weight off my mind to get the funding and  it took plenty of perseverance. Like most of these things its difficult to quantify the amount of physical, emotional time and energy they consume but quite a substantial amount in my case I would think. In the end the result has left me in a better place than I was...always good!!

Thankyou for the encouragement with the exercise. It is now crucial to get this weight off after the amount of time and energy I used so far just to get this surgery to happen. As my fitness and gotten back to where it was this time last year I have noticed an upswing in my general well being. I also have less pain from my stupid hip if I can keep it exercised so that is another good positive reason to want to maintain the fitness and mobility. The motivation is always the hard part but I have found once the benefits begin to kick in things get so much easier.


It would seem the damage has been minimal to the kitchen floor and it would seem my quick efforts have paid some dividends. We will have to replace maybe 1/2 dozen boards but we have a spare 20 or more with which to do it...have no idea how to do it so will not even attempt too.


Skype call tomorrow so will let you all know then how things went

Take care
Liz 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 27, 2018, 10:37:43 pm
That's good news my dear, me I am still trying to lose some fat but its not working yet. 28 lb before the end of Sept , must give up eating !!!!

Thanks Davina


LOL I can't see me losing the whole lot by September but definitely by November...but if I stop eating all this rubbish it would happen faster!! To be honest I have cut out all chocolate, sweets of any kind or deserts of any kind. Combine that with exercise and the last time I did this the weight dropped off me steadily...I got close to 90 Kgs before I "lost the plot" about this time last year. The catalyst being the awful episode with my now estranged brother. However I am on track to be at my goal 1 weight of 96kgs by then end of July which will give me a further 4 months to lose the final 6 kgs to be at my final goal weight of 90 Kgs

How you doing with your weight loss?


Take care


Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on June 28, 2018, 04:17:02 pm
Need to cut out snacking and comfort food as put 10 lb back on over winter and not lost any yet. Should get the 10 of OK but its the next 10 that is stubborn
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on June 29, 2018, 01:24:21 am
Thought I would give a quick update after my Skype Call with my Father

We had a very pleasant general chat initially leaving out the big issue over my brother. But here is where the story takes a pleasant turn, in the middle of the discussion about my brother this happened...

My father started out by telling me he watched a program about a " 50 year old married guy with two kids who transitioned after his wife died you know, a bit like you" he said he found the whole story fascinating but also enlightening and the whole thing had given him some insight. He acknowledged my very real life and death struggle with my GD and how long it had gone on.

As the conversation continued on, things got really weird...he misnamed and misgendered me whilst talking about some other topic but be immediately stopped, corrected himself and apologised to me. He told me he understood that it hurt me and he did not want to do that. I was trying to explain that all I want from anyone in my family is a genuine effort and honesty but he stopped me mid sentence and said he still needed to apologise....at this point I am really beginning to wonder what is going on.

It feels a little bit like someone threw on a light switch enabling him some understanding where he didn't have it before. What really reduced me to sniffling mess was the following

He said to me continuing on from his insistence at apologising to me...

"I no longer have the son that I was used to having but I now have a daughter....I have never had a daughter before and am so happy that I do...one thing I will say for sure is that I see a much happier person before me than I have ever seen. You are my daughter now...it might take a bit of time for me to get used to them (right name and pronouns), I also need to get to know my new daughter and learn about who she is.....but also, I need to learn how to treat my new daughter all of which which I am really happy to learn how to do"

Could one television program have really made the penny drop...maybe I am reading this wrong ( I don't think so...am I?)? he  went on to say that he "felt I was the same person he had always known but also different (in a good way) than I was"

I am an emotional puddle at this stage of the conversation...He has never called me his daughter before nor referred to me like that in any way.

So there you have it...I am surprised, happy, apprehensive , confused(pleasantly) and weirdly positive. I would be so happy if this was the start of better relationship between my father and I...unfortunately things have not always worked out that way in the past so it makes me wary. This time...maybe...

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on June 29, 2018, 01:39:16 am
WOW!


A very wonderful fantastic wow.

I'm very happy for you Hon.

That's great!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on June 29, 2018, 01:43:40 am
OMG Liz!!! That is incredible. I have the sniffles now also. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to be presented with the information in just the right way at just the right time for the penny to drop. That tv program sounds like it did that for your father. This is fantastic news! I want to give you a great big hug right now. You will have to settle for one of my virtual hugs for now.

(((((HUG)))))

Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on June 29, 2018, 06:06:07 am
Liz this is a huge breakthrough with your father.  The television program may have triggered this coming together in his mind, but it's really due to your persistence and doing everything possible from your side to help him understand.  I am so happy for you!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 29, 2018, 06:12:30 am
Wow Liz Wow .... happy for you ....what a milestone 😊😊😊😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on June 29, 2018, 06:14:46 am
@ElizabethK
Yes Liz, Like the members that just replied, I am also bubbly happy for the successful Skype session with your father....  better that you could have ever hoped for I think. 

Your good news update gives me a glimmer of hope that one of these days my parents will come around to accept me.  So far my results are not as positive.
   
Thank you for your update and the encouragement it gives to me.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on June 29, 2018, 06:14:51 am
Wow, Liz, that is amazing!  I understand your need for caution, but it sounds like a wonderful change.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 01, 2018, 09:23:50 pm
Thank you all ladies I am still a bit shell shocked over my father new found level of understanding and have read back on my earlier writings. I can see I have been this positive before only to find things return to the status quo shortly afterwards so caution is appropriate. To be honest it felt different this time and hopefully it was.

Weigh in day today
Lost a further 1.5 kgs so now sitting just on 100kgs (220 LB) so have approximately 4kg (8 LB) to reach my first mini goal. This is the weight I have to be to have my surgery in November proceed which is only 148 days 6 hrs 11 minutes till Surgery ( ;D Not that anyone is counting ;D). I actually want to lose about another 10kgs more prior surgery which will put me around 90kgs.

Been to the Drs today and been given a referral for more speech work but I really am not sure how much more she will be able to help me. I unfortunately have an issue surrounding using my trained voice at home...my beloved would prefer if I use my natural voice and yes she understands that it is difficult for me. She has been so amazing throughout our entire marriage and especially my transition that I find it too difficult to deny this one request as I do know he reasons....so I haven't.This is something I need to work on with her and I will just have to bite the bullet and talk to her about it.

Awhile ago my 8 year old Olympus DSLR Camera stopped working with my standard 18-55 lens leaving me only a telephoto lens to use. Unfortunately just prior to the lens ceasing to work the screen developed a crack on it. It has been well used and done me great service. I go looking for a replacement lens and it is going to cost me somewhere around $300. So I thought I would compare the cost of a new camera. Long story short I bought a new Nikon d3400 DSLR with a standard18- 55mm lens. I have my eye out for either a 40 or 50mm Nikon Nikkor micro/macro lens which retail at around $400 upwards. I would like to find a good second hand one a bit cheaper but will have to keep my eyes open whilst I save the $$. So the new camera should arrive on Wednesday followed rapidly by a few profile picture updates lol ;)

Its now just about to go lunch time and I have not been for my walk today so better get going. I want to be 98 something Kgs this time next week and it will not happen without the exercise. In theory I should be able to be at my first goal weight (96kgs) by the end of the month and be at or below 90kgs by the end of November. I want a big buffer between my surgery goal weight and my actual weight. With that in mind I am off and will be back a bit later to try and catch up with more posts.

Take care


Liz
 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on July 01, 2018, 09:31:58 pm
Liz, I’m so happy about your fathers and yours interaction.  How wonderful it is to have him accept you with all his love, congratulations!

How many days and hours is it now....I’m counting.

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 02, 2018, 01:06:09 am
  Hi Upside down Girlfriend,

 I just read your post about your conversation with your Dad. With all you related it does sound like he has had a genuine change of heart. You cannot help but let him have another chance. Cautiously.
  You weight loss is going well with the added exercise. I just did a 6.5 mile walk in under 3 hours. It was a good walk but had 2 hills that had me huffing and puffing. But I have lost a bit of weight too. Keep up the good worj.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 02, 2018, 02:36:55 am
Thanks ladies for stopping by.

Just after returning from getting the shopping done today I receive an email from my super company telling me that the forms I submitted to withdraw my super were blank...um...no, no they were filled out... So I rang...ho hum...I was able to ascertain they received all the documents and everything was there and completed apart from 1 document which they claimed was blank. My saved copy certainly wasn't blank and as its a pdf I don't see how it could be but he was insistent...I shook my head in disgust and printed out the document and then scanned each page back and sent them to them. Of course my printer ran out of ink with one page to go so I had to go out and buy some....I have completed the new upload of document and sent them a whole set of new docs with a slightly sarcastic note attached to the file...it was really mild... >:-) I am becoming somewhat jaded by this whole process....however not long to go now!!....maybe
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on July 02, 2018, 03:17:29 am
That sounds like the good old Aussie banking system!

"Oh you want your money? Well there are a few issues with that.... you can't have it."

I'm sure it will all be OK soon.

A new camera!!!! We must get together and have a photo shoot. My macro lenses will fit the d3300 and could give you an idea of what to think about for a macro.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 02, 2018, 04:58:58 am
That sounds like the good old Aussie banking system!

"Oh you want your money? Well there are a few issues with that.... you can't have it."

I'm sure it will all be OK soon.

A new camera!!!! We must get together and have a photo shoot. My macro lenses will fit the d3300 and could give you an idea of what to think about for a macro.

Thanks Cindy what a great idea...I’ll text you in the next week or  so as I should have it by midweek...if my memory serves me correctly the literature tells me, that what I have, is pretty much the same as the d3300 updated but I am certainly not a nikon expert, my last was an olympus DSLR...That would be great to check out your macro lens...

Yes the super will happen....the ironic thing is I printed out the same form they said was blank and sent it to them...maybe the real problem was that someone had a big weekend.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on July 02, 2018, 03:00:43 pm
Thanks Cindy what a great idea...I’ll text you in the next week or  so as I should have it by midweek...if my memory serves me correctly the literature tells me, that what I have, is pretty much the same as the d3300 updated but I am certainly not a nikon expert, my last was an olympus DSLR...That would be great to check out your macro lens...

Yes the super will happen....the ironic thing is I printed out the same form they said was blank and sent it to them...maybe the real problem was that someone had a big weekend.
Hi Liz,
Nice work on keeping up with your weight goal. Sorry about the hiccup with the super paperwork. I have had similar issues with filling out PDF forms for my lease car. Is fill out the form electronically and send it to the lease company only for them to tell me it is blank. After several attempts, I printed the completed form myself, scanned it and sent it again. I think there are some incompatibilities between PDF software where one will not recognise the annotations from another. I don’t like defending banks, but their claim that the form appeared blank to them may have been genuine. I’m glad it got sorted out in the end.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on July 02, 2018, 03:45:33 pm
Well done on the diet, still not lost any GRRRRRRRRR.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 03, 2018, 08:51:48 pm
Hi Liz,
Nice work on keeping up with your weight goal. Sorry about the hiccup with the super paperwork. I have had similar issues with filling out PDF forms for my lease car. Is fill out the form electronically and send it to the lease company only for them to tell me it is blank. After several attempts, I printed the completed form myself, scanned it and sent it again. I think there are some incompatibilities between PDF software where one will not recognise the annotations from another. I don’t like defending banks, but their claim that the form appeared blank to them may have been genuine. I’m glad it got sorted out in the end.

Hugs,
Jayne

Hi Jayne thanks for the vote of confidence...as far as the blank PDF goes I really can't see how it happened but that of course doesn't mean it did not happen just as they way they say it did. In the end I gave them the benefit of the doubt  ;) As you can tell I am getting very jaded by mindless govt agencies however probably not as jaded as those that have to work there.  :D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 03, 2018, 08:52:24 pm
Well done on the diet, still not lost any GRRRRRRRRR.

Hang in there you will when you are ready too.  :)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 04, 2018, 01:34:11 am
What a day !!

Went and checked my bank account today for direct debits and discovered my GCS funding sitting in my medical account. The superannuation company had actioned it straight away after receiving the new documents. So I have now have everything I need with the exception of my letters. I think the first mini celebration will be when all obstacles to me having GCS will  have been removed. I am not sure what will happen first but I suspect I will hit my goal weight and my letters on the 10th of September will be the final piece to the puzzle.


When I saw the funds there I was speechless...did I ever really think I would be staring at my bank account looking at the funds for GCS...NO...but yet here I am. I am so happy that this part is taken care of. Next are my letters on the 10th of September to coordinate with the wishes of my surgeon.

Just to sweeten an already happy day...my camera has arrived!! I have just begun the fun task of learning its capabilities.


Happy days


Liz

PS Almost forgot..... 146 days 12 hrs 56 minutes...everyone together now..."Not that anyone is counting"
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on July 04, 2018, 01:39:09 am
Wow - LIZ!!  This is such great news! 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on July 04, 2018, 01:42:13 am
Fantastic news Liz, a great day, so happy for you.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on July 04, 2018, 03:55:55 am
Awesome Liz! So happy for you. Just when you start losing faith in a government bureaucracy when they can’t read a PDF file, they go and do something crazy like becoming efficient!

This is great news!

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on July 04, 2018, 09:24:45 am
Wow, Liz!  Huge green light there!

Congratulations!  Now it’s just running down your personal checklist, and getting the last bits tended to.  This has to feel pretty darn good.

Michelle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on July 04, 2018, 10:03:07 am
Congratulations Liz!  What a pleasant surprise to have the funds deposited so soon.  You're one step closer!!!

Judi
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on July 04, 2018, 03:49:14 pm
YYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS. That's good ,getting closer dear.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 05, 2018, 06:37:40 am
Last Week my 2 year Tranniversary slipped by without me really saying too much about it. I was in the process of organising a new profile pic which I have now done. I have also updat4ed my Pic on the forum to show the progress I have made.

The photo you see of me in guy mode is from 9 months prior to starting HRT in late 2015. It is quite obvious that I am not a "happy camper" and I am always amazed when I see these type pf pics side by side.
Wow what an amazing transition 😘




Wow what an amazing transition 😘
Absolutely incredible....

Absolutely incredible....


The last 2 years have been full of great joys along with the lowest of lows and it is only now after all this time that I am beginning to accept that the "man in mirror" is fading. Each and every time I look in the mirror I see less and less of him. I guess that's progress!!

(https://i.imgur.com/qG4sM6h.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/2gGIP85.jpg)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Stevi on July 05, 2018, 04:59:18 pm
Liz,

Congratulations on getting your funding squared away.  More so on successfully out lasting the paper pushing gauntlet.

Stevi
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Shy on July 06, 2018, 09:56:16 am
It's a bit like buses, you wait for ages to catch one and then two come at once.

Great news Liz, I take it you're still not counting ;D

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 08, 2018, 06:29:55 pm
Monday morning weigh in occurred again today. Having scales that work is a bonus and they showed me I finally cracked the 100kg mark  . I am 99.5 for the first time in about 12 months :icon_dance: :icon_dance: . I was doing really well with my weight loss but personal issues threw me off track last year.

My goal for this week was to beat the 100 kgs and I am so happy I did it. I am really starting to feel good about my increasing fitness and seeing some real progress with getting this weight off. I would love to be going into GCS being under 90 Kgs (198lb) which is my ultimate goal. I only have to be under 96kgs (211lb) for the surgeon so only 3.5kgs (8lb) and I will have met GCS requirements.

My understanding from the information I was given is that the surgeon is not happy to operate on anyone over 100kgs(there will be exceptions to this I am sure) and prefers your BMI to be under 30 so being under the 100kgs meets the first of his two requirements and I have 141 days 22 hrs 1minute (not that anyone is counting  ;D ) to reach the 90 Kgs which is my ultimate goal and well within requirements for surgery. If I keep losing at my current rate of about 800 grms (2lb) per week I will be at my goal weight of 90ks(198lb) by 24 September...which when you break it down feels pretty achievable lol I slipped off the diet wagon a few times late last week and need to be a little more vigilant this week.


I have asked for a referral to the voice therapist again but with a view this time to getting a further referral for some surgery. I may end up after Nov with just enough funds to have a couple of smaller procedures. For example I would have enough to get a boob job and maybe some more hair implants...or maybe some minor cosmetic facial surgery and a voice tune up. I won't have enough for FFS but close. So my dilemma is where am I going to get my "best bang for bucks"...breast augmentation is probably at the top of my list but the idea of silicone implants scares the "bleep" out of me but then my understanding is there are not too many choices and they are fairly safe.


My current focus will remain on the weight loss as I have 3 surgeries coming up in the next 8 months two of which are major. It all starts in august where I get my implanted medication pump replaced. This is probably the easiest of the surgeries requiring the shortest recovery time. Because the meds from the pump go directly into the spinal fluid there needs to be an entry point to deliver them. When this point is accessed a certain amount of spinal fluid is lost...the result?...so imagine your worst hangover headache lasting for 24-48 hrs and you don't get to have the fun of boozing before hand. Apart from that, the wound will take about 3 weeks to heal. Following that we have GCS in Nov and then finally a hip replacement as soon as my skin integrity is intact again probably some time after January. Add in a possible augmentation and it could easily be 4 surgeries in the next 12 months. This makes the next few months really important in preparing for this. Getting fit and losing the weight is going to make each one of these surgeries so much easier to recover from with an added bonus that I get a new wardrobe of clothes once I reach my goal.

Enough blathering for one day

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on July 08, 2018, 07:05:59 pm
Blathering, no!  WOW that's a lot of news!   Congratulations on the 100kg milestone.  90kg, here you come!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on July 08, 2018, 07:09:38 pm
Well done Liz, as someone who struggles with weight issues I can appreciate just how hard you are working on it, you must be so pleased
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on July 08, 2018, 07:55:52 pm
Congratulations on reaching a major milestone, Liz!   :icon_dance:
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on July 08, 2018, 08:30:10 pm
Wonderful Liz, it’s all coming together and with your weight loss your surgeries will be much easier on you.  Easier to heal when your healthy.

It is now 141 days 20 hours 32 minutes

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on July 08, 2018, 09:08:24 pm
Hey Liz! Congrats on the weight loss milestone. At this rate, with your positive attitude, you will easily achieve the 90kg goal. Forget the surgeon’s 96kg requirement, you will zip right through that to where you want to be.

Now, is anyone around here counting? How much time is nail Liz’s GCS?

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on July 09, 2018, 05:37:07 am
Liz I am so proud of you!!  Way to go girl! 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 09, 2018, 06:35:12 am
Hey congrats  Liz..... In regard to losing weight  .....it may be worth your while to watch the "magic pill" on Netflix
my doc steered me towards it..... and I find it works😉
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 10, 2018, 02:33:27 am
Blathering, no!  WOW that's a lot of news!   Congratulations on the 100kg milestone.  90kg, here you come!

Sometimes it feels like I write too much...I am really happy with the weight loss and determined to see it through

Well done Liz, as someone who struggles with weight issues I can appreciate just how hard you are working on it, you must be so pleased

Thankyou Nicole a kindred spirit is always welcome  ;)

Congratulations on reaching a major milestone, Liz!   :icon_dance:

:icon_dance: you got it...thats how I feel about it...thanks Kathy

Wonderful Liz, it’s all coming together and with your weight loss your surgeries will be much easier on you.  Easier to heal when your healthy.

It is now 141 days 20 hours 32 minutes

Hugs and smiles, Jess

are you sure.....I just checked and it said 140 days 21hrs 28 minutes (BWC)

Hey Liz! Congrats on the weight loss milestone. At this rate, with your positive attitude, you will easily achieve the 90kg goal. Forget the surgeon’s 96kg requirement, you will zip right through that to where you want to be.

Now, is anyone around here counting? How much time is nail Liz’s GCS?

Hugs,
Jayne


Not sure there is anyone counting...can't hear anything...I am aiming at the 90kgs and we will see how the BMI is looking and reassess from there...thanks for the support

Liz I am so proud of you!!  Way to go girl! 

Thanks Kendra thats lovely


Hey congrats  Liz..... In regard to losing weight  .....it may be worth your while to watch the "magic pill" on Netflix
my doc steered me towards it..... and I find it works

Just pulled it up on Netflix and watched the opening 10 minutes or so and I want to know more so will go back to it shortly...thanks very much.

Drexy on your original message you will see there is a smiley face/wink...can you remember what you used to put it there...I know thats a weird question and I am happy to explain but suffice to say that when I include that smiley face as part of the reply quote the page will not let me post nor preview...I have had this happen to me on numerous occasions in the past and I could never work out why but I think this could be a clue to the answer.

I really appreaciate the support and encouragement from you all.

I will let you all know when I hit my next goal of 96kgs...sometime in the next 14- 28 days...with any luck!!


Take care


Liz


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on July 10, 2018, 03:05:45 am

I'm a few days behind on all of the news but what a great way to catch up!

Well done on the weight Hon.

Fantastic about the money and that it finally came through.

Lovely to hear things are working out so well.

 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on July 10, 2018, 09:34:25 am
Snipped:
Sometimes it feels like I write too much...I am really happy with the weight loss and determined to see it through
 -    -    -    -    -    -
    -    -    -    -    -    -
I will let you all know when I hit my next goal of 96kgs...sometime in the next 14- 28 days...with any luck!!

Take care

Liz

@ElizabethK
Dear Liz:
No, No, No.... please never feel like you write too much...  while I believe it is good therapy for any of us to write things out and to explore our feelings in that way, either on our private personal journal or on the Forums... it is just as important for your readers and followers to keep up with your goings-on in your life and your journey... we want to be able to rejoice with you in your triumphs and be there to support you in your setbacks. 
Also, what you state in your updates can be an encouragement and perhaps instructional for others.

YES INDEED, that is terrific that you achieved your intermediate goal ,,, 
...next step... 96Kgs... absolutely we want to you let us know when you hit that... ONE STEP AT A TIME

No, and it is not luck that you are able to do this... it is hard work, YOUR determination and sheer willpower... congratulations are in order for sure.

Hugs and continued well wishes....
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 10, 2018, 05:44:25 pm
Snipped:
@ElizabethK
Dear Liz:
No, No, No.... please never feel like you write too much...  while I believe it is good therapy for any of us to write things out and to explore our feelings in that way, either on our private personal journal or on the Forums... it is just as important for your readers and followers to keep up with your goings-on in your life and your journey... we want to be able to rejoice with you in your triumphs and be there to support you in your setbacks. 
Also, what you state in your updates can be an encouragement and perhaps instructional for others.

YES INDEED, that is terrific that you achieved your intermediate goal ,,, 
...next step... 96Kgs... absolutely we want to you let us know when you hit that... ONE STEP AT A TIME

No, and it is not luck that you are able to do this... it is hard work, YOUR determination and sheer willpower... congratulations are in order for sure.

Hugs and continued well wishes....
Danielle


I love coming on to my thread and seeing your bright happy smile beaming out at me...I needed to see that this morning!! Thankyou.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 11, 2018, 07:36:23 pm
Time for a good slapping, Please take a number off the counter, have a seat and you will be called through for a slap shortly...

Why do I deserve a slap "upside my head" you may ask...well....because of this...

Over the last 6-9 months I have become increasingly concerned about my voice. Despite my efforts to resit these concerns I have found that it really bothers me intensely. I have had voice lessons prior and have a reasonable middle range voice...more androgynous than female. I did notice when I was using for a short period but all the time that my average pitch began to rise to the point where it was averaged at about 190mkz which is at the lower end of female range but a long way from the average I would like.

During this time I had a conversation with my wife in which I came away believing that she wanted me to use my natural voice when I was with her. She seemed to indicate that it might take some time for her to "adjust" to me having a new voice but at the moment preferred I use my natural voice with her. I was upset but agreed because this is the first thing she has actually asked of me in regards my transition so I was happy to comply in the hope she would eventually be Okay with it.

I have become more and more anxious about my voice over the last few months as it seems to have "slipped" back because of lack of use. I really felt I needed to do something about it bit was in fear of upsetting my wife so I decided I would just see how she was feeling about things since it had been 6 months or so since we spoke about it.

When I asked her about it she sat there and looked at me with a puzzled expression and said..."No, no, I don't think I said that...I understand what you...." and went on to tell me that she was fully supportive of me changing my voice as it was a necessity. I was stunned all I could do was apologise for my part in the misunderstanding. How could I have got that piece of information so very very wrong...what a complete idiot, I have completely screwed this up... I totally misread the whole situation and to make matter worse I then put myself through a number of months of anxiety, worrying and trying to fix something that was not broken...what a dope!!. I could have been working on my new voice months ago...It just shows that even after 33 years I can still screw up communication with my wife. It seemed odd that she should have an issue with this one thing considering we are off to Melbourne for a spot of shopping and GCS in November...her having an issue with my voice never sat right with me and now I know why.

So from that minute in time I have dropped using my old voice at all and will continue to work at improving my trained one to the point I was at, which shouldn't take too long. I will make an appointment with the therapist and have her assess where I am at and where she thinks I can realistically get too without surgery. My wife is also fully supportive should I wish to have my voice surgically altered....yup mind blown.

So who would like to go first....
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 12, 2018, 01:15:22 am
(((((SLAP))))))
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on July 12, 2018, 07:26:54 am
(((((SLAP)))))
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on July 12, 2018, 07:33:54 am
(((Hug)))

No slaps here.  Miscommunication happens.  Maybe it was you, maybe it was her.  It doesn't matter now, you are moving on.  You get to use your proper voice now.  That is what matters.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on July 12, 2018, 07:50:16 am
Hug? Can you tell Kathy is Canadian? Always so nice!  Me on the other had,  the ugly American, will give you a slap. Well, that's because the make up hugs are so much better after. lol Happy to hear of your weight loss and your now loss of your misunderstanding on the voice. Can't wait to hear about the surgery coming up. And Liz, no misunderstandings, tell them "the middle leg" goes!
Moni
Anyone else notice how eager Laurie  is to slap?
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on July 12, 2018, 10:06:44 am
Quote
So from that minute in time I have dropped using my old voice at all and will continue to work at improving my trained one to the point I was at, which shouldn't take too long. I will make an appointment with the therapist and have her assess where I am at and where she thinks I can realistically get too without surgery. My wife is also fully supportive should I wish to have my voice surgically altered....yup mind blown.

Communications is important.  *SIGH*  I learned that one the hard way.

Liz, I think you will find that using only your correct, feminine voice 24/7 will lead to rapid improvements.  I’ve been doing this for over a year, and am finally developing the strength I need in my vocal mechanisms to speak with any volume.  Believe it or not, that voice in the sermon I posted recently is the ‘new and improved’ voice.  The old voice was much deeper, and lacked prosody and proper control.

It does take time, and I honestly believe that doing it 24/7 is the only way to make our proper voice automatically present, and reduFollow up:  Jess and I had a great time looking at the American Precisionist art and derivative works (even bookcases and cocktail shakers!).  We followed up with lice the chance of our accidentally slipping into the masculine voice when distracted.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on July 12, 2018, 03:10:03 pm
No that's middle wicket, have to sent the upside down rellys around to smack your bum
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 12, 2018, 04:35:59 pm
We followed up with lice

@Michelle_P

  Really? I hope you have rid yourself of them before I come visit again.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 12, 2018, 05:36:40 pm
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. Communication is always difficult and seems so easily mucked up during transition. But as someone that is all done and time to move on.

I agree that using the trained voice 24/7 is the only way for it to appear natural and to sound that way. I dod not want surgery of I can avoid it however it is one of the biggest tells when I am out if not using my trained voice. My pitch has slipped back to about 170 but I will continue to work on that. When I speak to my thereapist we can discuss the surgery alternatives.

Take care

Liz


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: AnonyMs on July 13, 2018, 02:27:58 am
Dr Kim from Yeson in Korea is in Sydney and Melbourne in November. He's extremely well regarded in voice feminization surgery.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 15, 2018, 06:05:23 pm
Dr Kim from Yeson in Korea is in Sydney and Melbourne in November. He's extremely well regarded in voice feminization surgery.

Thankyou for that. I may have to see if I can get an appointment if he is consulting
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 15, 2018, 06:43:23 pm
Monday Update

6.2 Km Walk today. With my new tracking software I have discovered that I had been walking 5.7 ks every day so to take it over 6 was not such a huge effort but looks better on paper LOL

Weight loss down to 98.7 so another 800 grams(2lbs) lost. I was a bit disappointed but then I am not really taking a whole lot of notice about what I am eating. I think if I was a little more careful I may get a better result. So for this next week I am going to be care and reduce the amount of carbs I have been eating. I have removed all sweets with the exception of Saturday nights where I allow myself to have a single candy bar or similar treat. I suspect a little more care during the week could make for a much better result. Everything in balance they say...well, we will see at the end of this week....going by my current weight loss I should be around 97.9 but I would like to be somewhere in the 96's by next Monday...so that is my goal this week


I have a few things on this week, catching up with a friend on Tuesday,  a hair cut and colour on Thursday with my possibly penultimate genital laser session on Friday. I will fit one more laser (maybe 2) treatments before surgery in Nov. It is not nearly as bad as it sounds...at least now its not...the first few treatments hurt a lot...the last one only got me in a couple of places...ouch!

I have booked and paid for all my accommodation and airfares for November I mean its only 134 days 21 hrs 22 min but who's counting anyway (BWCA) till surgery  ;D. I am now down to getting together the supplies I may need for the two weeks post-op in Melbourne. I don't even know what they are but I am guessing someone will have suggestion as to what you need to take with you.  I am going to do a post separately asking for suggestions from those who have been there before me. I am looking for the practical stuff...the "I wish I had bought a ……. with me"

I have updated the Tripod for my camera to a decent one that has sturdy construction and smooth movements in the ball head. The current one I have is cheaper(cost about $40) and the head is made of plastic. Whilst not too bad if you just want to have somewhere to rest your camera but not great when it comes to fine adjustments. In fact it is almost impossible....I will use the old one for my video camera and not the SLR. . I also ordered the remote for the new camera, I can think of several uses for it already and especially usefull in the Macro Photography I want to do.


So the Challenge is on...I need to lose 1.8 KGs (4 lb) this week to make it into the 96kg range....Ideally I would like to lose 2.8kg (6lb) as this would take me under my goal weight of 96 kgs but I think that is a bit of a big ask...I will update again this time next week.

Take care


Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on July 15, 2018, 11:56:57 pm
Hi Liz,

Congrats on the continued weight loss. Keep up the good work. However, I was a little horrified to read that you have removed all sweets except for the one candy bar on Saturdays! Yes, I have a very sweet tooth!

So.....134 days 16 hours 12 minutes to go!!! BWCA? November will be here before you know it. I don’t have any suggestions about practical stuff to take with you for surgery but I will follow your new thread should I end up going down the surgery path myself.

I’d love to see some of your macro photography pics. It’s something I have always wanted to do but never followed through with it.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 17, 2018, 04:43:21 am
Yes cut out the carbs.....it does make a difference ....!! 👍😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on July 17, 2018, 06:58:16 am
> for this next week I am going to be care and reduce the amount of carbs I have been eating. I have removed all sweets with the exception of Saturday nights where I allow myself to have a single candy bar or similar treat.

I admire your self control!  Every 0.8kg/2 pounds is so significant.  As your health continues to improve that is less weight for the rest of your body to support.  As you continue to persist and earn success toward your goals the next 0.8kg/2 pounds you lose will represent a higher percentage of your total remaining weight compared to the previous 0.8kg/2 pounds.  The math isn't always intuitive, like compound interest.

When we carry a sack full of junk food home we automatically set it down somewhere convenient.  Now imagine carrying that without setting it down for days, months, years... suddenly becomes less convenient, right?  Imagining it that way can help change the decision to pick up a candy bar.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on July 17, 2018, 10:27:06 am
@ElizabethK
Dear Liz.... it was great to read your last weight loss report....
...you are getting closer to your next stated goal of 96kgs

Weight loss like you are doing takes fierce determination and focused willpower for sure!!!
Keep on keeping on and we are all rooting for you. 

Thanks for keeping your thread updated and satisfying your readers and followers like me.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 18, 2018, 01:16:38 am
Hi Liz,

Congrats on the continued weight loss. Keep up the good work. However, I was a little horrified to read that you have removed all sweets except for the one candy bar on Saturdays! Yes, I have a very sweet tooth!

So.....134 days 16 hours 12 minutes to go!!! BWCA? November will be here before you know it. I don’t have any suggestions about practical stuff to take with you for surgery but I will follow your new thread should I end up going down the surgery path myself.

I’d love to see some of your macro photography pics. It’s something I have always wanted to do but never followed through with it.

Hugs,
Jayne

Hi Jane

Thankyou I am ok with where I am but like anyone losing weight would always like to have lost more I don't know if my photography is up to the display standard but having a focus and purchasing the right equipment is a good place to start. I will share anything I think is noteworthy, but don't hold your Breath


I was sitting here thinking today that I remember when I paid the deposit and picked my surgery date asking especially for November...(did I mention that the month is symbolic? oh yeah it is, but I digress) which was 18 months away at that stage. I had noticed my new signature ticker today saying only 4 months until surgery...the notion that it is real still blows my mind.

 

Yes cut out the carbs.....it does make a difference ....!!

 :'( no carbs  :icon_yikes:...I know how bad they are if you are trying to lose...carb =sugar = fat...or something like that

I admire your self control!  Every 0.8kg/2 pounds is so significant.  As your health continues to improve that is less weight for the rest of your body to support.  As you continue to persist and earn success toward your goals the next 0.8kg/2 pounds you lose will represent a higher percentage of your total remaining weight compared to the previous 0.8kg/2 pounds.  The math isn't always intuitive, like compound interest.

When we carry a sack full of junk food home we automatically set it down somewhere convenient.  Now imagine carrying that without setting it down for days, months, years... suddenly becomes less convenient, right?  Imagining it that way can help change the decision to pick up a candy bar.

I don't know about my self control but if I was any good at it in the first place I probably wouldn't need to diet at the moment LOL Thank you for the kind words. I have not looked at my weight loss in the sense of the weight loss compounding your loss percentage, so with each loss a larger percentage of overall weight loss is achieved...but of course it does. One of the things that has also become obvious to me is that if I want the curves I am going to need to create them...if I lose some weight it will change my silhouette so that it is far more feminie at first glance...it will never look that way while overweight...apart from all of that there are the obvious health benefits. I want to be as fit as I can be for the next few months.

@ElizabethK
Dear Liz.... it was great to read your last weight loss report....
...you are getting closer to your next stated goal of 96kgs

Weight loss like you are doing takes fierce determination and focused willpower for sure!!!
Keep on keeping on and we are all rooting for you. 

Thanks for keeping your thread updated and satisfying your readers and followers like me.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle


Thankyou Danielle for the kind words.

Yes it does take determination but I also know how much good this is doing me, I can feel it. I was down to 96 Kgs this time last year when the awful thing happened with my brother and I ended up somewhat depressed. I began to put on all the weight I had lost as I resorted to emotional eating. I think I have crawled out from under that blanket of depression now and am more able to manage the pain and ager the incident caused.


Once again that you all for the encouragement


Today I pushed myself a bit harder and managed to get my walk up to 7kms (4.3miles) which is just about at my limit. I need to show some care that I don't overstep the physical capabilities of my hip.

Had a great afternoon out with a friend yesterday....it was so great to catch up with her and everything going well we will do it again next week but with camera's as well as coffee.


Did I mention 132 days 16hs 27 minutes BWCA?

Take care


Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 18, 2018, 08:54:00 pm
I waited 2 hours this morning to dodge the rain

I eventually gave up waiting in disgust and went down to the park hoping that it had held off all night another hour would be OK...wouldn't it?  :icon_yes:

Off I went...cool but not cold, very overcast but no rain, been light for about 30 minutes As I approached the most distant point from my car that I could get, it rained on me and when I finally 10 minutes later I finally got back near my car it stopped,  :icon_lol: I figured what the heck I am wet anyway, so I kept going...rinse and repeat....you got it...at the exact same place it rained again...hard...with only 800m too go I was not going to stop...wet, cold, irritated and satisfied I finished.....7.2 ks...If I can just stretch that to 8ks(=5 mile = 10,000 steps) I will be happy...... 151 days 16hrs 58 min BWCA? :icon_wave:

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 18, 2018, 09:49:17 pm
Hey liz,

  Good effort if a wet one that made reading it all the better. You will get to that 5 mile point, I know you will because you are just stubborn enough.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 19, 2018, 12:38:49 am
Hey liz,

  Good effort if a wet one that made reading it all the better. You will get to that 5 mile point, I know you will because you are just stubborn enough.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Who Moi  ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 19, 2018, 01:28:04 am
Who Moi  ;D
Yes dear, you

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 19, 2018, 05:56:05 pm
Heading out the door to the Laser place. Gonna get my bits zapped!!!!

Actually not only my bits but there are a number of black hairs popped through on my face so will get her to zap them as well. Laser facial these days is pretty easy to take compared to how it was. I can remember it really lighting up my face the first dozen treatments but lucky for me this took care of a large part of my facial hair...lucky me  :D


its 18 weeks left till surgery so by this calculatiuon I will get one more genital zapping before november with the second one being due around the time of the surgery. So I think from a practical point of view I have today and then one more in about 8-10 weeks and that is it. Thank GOODNESS!!!


Hoping so


Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 19, 2018, 06:15:51 pm
  I don't want to hear it. Nope not at all. I think you should schedule daily zapping right up to the date of GCS.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 19, 2018, 10:29:35 pm
I'm guessing you want ringside seats to watch? What's worse, is she convinced me she can do another two bit zapping's before surgery...great fan...bl..dy...tastic!!! Just wondersful...so much for one left...you must have put the hoodoo on me.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on July 19, 2018, 10:33:22 pm
  I don't want to hear it. Nope not at all. I think you should schedule daily zapping right up to the date of GCS.

Liz if you will, I will!

Just talked to my doctor about zapping those pesky hairs!

I’m also very happy that your exercising and weight loss is going well.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 19, 2018, 10:47:42 pm
Oh no!!! not daily...today hurt like heck and I was doing my fair share of squeaking...but my face was a breeze and I felt very little...she hunted down the black hairs I had left for her and I am happy with the result.

Its really just @Laurie showing us her sadistic side...we had better be careful I have seen her like this before.  :icon_archery: :icon_evil_laugh:
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 20, 2018, 12:55:55 am
 I don't have to take all this abuse you know. I think you need so time out young lady. Go stand in a corner. Next time it's the fridge for you.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on July 20, 2018, 01:02:42 am
Oo Liz it sounds painful, only a few more to go hopefully, your countdown is getting exciting.

Congratulations on your walking targets, 8 km is quite a walk, you are motivating me to increase my walks.

Hugs,

Nicole
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 20, 2018, 01:49:01 am
I am glad that you gained some inspiration...we all have our challenges. Yes Nicole it is starting to get exciting...I don't usually get excited about much these days...but this surgery is really starting to get me excited for the outcome.


Thanks for stopping by...sorry if I sound a bit muffled but @laurie has put me in the corner...I better be quiet before I get in more trouble

Take care (Quietly)


Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 20, 2018, 01:53:07 am
I don't have to take all this abuse you know. I think you need so time out young lady. Go stand in a corner. Next time it's the fridge for you.

Hugs,
   Laurie

@Laurie  :icon_blowme: :icon_rolleyes2: (pokes tongue out)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on July 20, 2018, 01:58:08 am
lol, I hope I don’t ever get on Laurie’s bad side, I can’t say slaps appeal to me and I only have about a two inch gap above my fridge and don’t think I’ll fit, might get messy
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 20, 2018, 01:59:08 am
Wise girl
lol, I hope I don’t ever get on Laurie’s bad side, I can’t say slaps appeal to me and I only have about a two inch gap above my fridge and don’t think I’ll fit, might get messy

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 21, 2018, 02:38:49 am
I went for my walk this morning and managed to achieve my goal of 8.21Km (Over 10,000 steps) which I managed in about 87 minutes. I was really happy with achieving my goal. :icon_geekdance: :icon_geekdance:


I do not like the body shape I see in the mirror as it reminds me far too much of the person who did inhabit this body so it has to go...If I work on the BMI for my height then my weight should be about 80kgs which is 10 lighter than my current goal weight but one thing at a time. As @laurie so eloquently put it earlier I am "...stubborn enough!" to get there. You bet I am....I can feel the Target of 90kgs moving....we will see.


More importantly my new handbag arrived today...yay...although, I have to admit something awful about myself, this is number 6...is that excessive??.....

(https://i.imgur.com/5MZiOhC.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/FIEn41P.jpg)

Its quite big and the photo doesn't really do justice to the amount of room inside. Its made by Zapal should anyone wish to have a look at what other bags they have. I had a leather tote but I walk with a stick so that had to go over my shoulder if I wanted to do anything. Hence why I now have an over the shoulder/cross body bag got a free practical lesson from Meryl on how to wear it and why you wear it that way  :-*  :icon_flower: She is such a sweetheart  :-*

Next update will be after exercise and the Monday weigh in...going by previous weigh ins I should be somewhere in the 97kg range although I did step the exercise up and bring the carbs down(a bit at least) so maybe we might get a look at the target weight.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on July 21, 2018, 03:07:42 am
@ElizabethK
Dear Liz...  great update... keep doing your steps and working on your weight goals and you will be where you want to be before you know it.   Once you get motivated like you are, it will happen.  We will be continuing to follow your progress as you feel free to report it.   Yes, stubborn is a good word to describe fierce determination and focused will-power....  keep on keeping on.

I see that your new handbag arrived, looks very nice... I love all the zipper compartments... keeps you important stuff safe....   Are you happy with it?   Or are you thinking about more bags?
I switch regularly from roomy handbags, to clutch purses and sometime just carry a neck stap wallet pocket book.
 
What, you only have 6 handbags ? ???    I  have well over a dozen in a box in the closet that I can select from when my needs and moods change, which is often.  For my little black dress occasions which are somewhat rare in my neck of the woods I do have a cute little black patent shoulder strap clutch bag... very cute.

Yes indeed, I will be looking forward to reading your update after your Monday exercise and weigh-on... I am trusting and hoping that you will reach your goal.  Think positive thoughts!!!

Thank you for keeping your thread updated...
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Megan. on July 21, 2018, 03:10:06 am
Liz, great progress on the weight, keep up that stubbornness! X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on July 22, 2018, 09:38:37 am
Very similar to my new bag, cavernous. Thought after walking up and down the high street many times (lost count!!) I would lose a bit . + 1 lb this morning??? WTH never mind .  BTW my upside down relatives are in Adelaide , my mums 2nd and 3rd cousins.   
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 23, 2018, 02:09:01 am
@ElizabethK
 
 
What, you only have 6 handbags ? ???    I  have well over a dozen in a box in the closet that I can select from when my needs and moods change, which is often.  For my little black dress occasions which are somewhat rare in my neck of the woods I do have a cute little black patent shoulder strap clutch bag... very cute.


Thank you for keeping your thread updated...
Hugs,
Danielle


Hi Danielle I feel so much better know that I am a novice when it comes to bags but as my transition progresses I am leaning the kinds of things I love and mostly they are nothing too fancy...a nice bag a nice fitting dress and shoes, nice lippy and great foundation, earrings to name just a few.


Thankyou for the kind words of encourage3ment regarding my weighloss it is speciel to come here na find such lovely words of encouragement.


Liz, great progress on the weight, keep up that stubbornness! X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk



Working hard on being stubborn!!! thankyou

Very similar to my new bag, cavernous. Thought after walking up and down the high street many times (lost count!!) I would lose a bit . + 1 lb this morning??? WTH never mind .  BTW my upside down relatives are in Adelaide , my mums 2nd and 3rd cousins.   

Never mind hopefully you lost that pound!! I didn't realise you had rellies here...Its a lovely place and really like living here. I travelled to many countries and stayed in many cities and I settled in Adelaide. Thanks

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 23, 2018, 04:20:49 am
Monday Update


Lets get the housekeeping out of the way Only 127 days 13 hrs and 40 minutes BWCA?  ;D

Out for my normal walk today and not really feeling like it much but got out there. I was aiming at 6ks this morning but when the run manager told me I had completed 6ks I was still a fair way off the car so I decided to keep going and eventually accomplishing another 8KM(5 mile or 10,000 steps). I certainly did not set out to do that amount but was enjoying the walk but then the challenge of 8ks was presented to me again and  seemed like a worthy prize. :D

So home again for the all important weight in.


....So the Challenge is on...I need to lose 1.8 KGs (4 lb) this week to make it into the 96kg range....Ideally I would like to lose 2.8kg (6lb) as this would take me under my goal weight of 96 kgs but I think that is a bit of a big ask...I will update again this time next week.

I weighed in at exactly 97kg so that is a loss of 1.7kgs. 1 kg till my first goal weight


When I jumped on the scales which are Electronic they flickered from 96 - 97kgs for nearly 10 seconds before settling on 97 even. There can't be much in it as it was having a hard time deciding on a final weight. I had a dam fine crack at my goal and got far closer than I thought I would. I still feel happy with the result and now only 1 kg until I smash my surgery target.

As I have begun to lose the weight I have been thinking about why I am so overweight and what the final goal weight really means for me. The weight I have left to lose is mostly from my belly. I am fairly slim in all other departments apart from this. This weight has been a symptom of my unhappiness for a long time. I did not care what I ate or how I looked after my body because I never really liked it because it wasn't female. I didn't really care what happened to it externally and whilst I was drinking couldn't have cared less what happened to it internally either. All this led to the weight I am now...but for the first time in my life I do care about my body...I can have a feminie shape if I want it and I do want it. I was standing in front of the mirror trying on a black skirt I got from ASOS. After trying it on I loved the materiel and cut but it looked odd and the reason was so very obvious...my big fat mans belly!!! I hate it. I want it gone! It is one of the few remaining physical things belonging to "him" not Liz!! He has left and is no longer running the show but unfortunately he has left some baggage behind...no mind I can see to it for him ;)

With all the weight I want to lose gone I will have a shape that I can work with...its at that point I will get my new wardrobe. My shape is odd at the moment I think (I am guessing)because any new fat deposits are going to where they would typically go for a female but all the old "male" deposits are mainly still there as well. I used to think that HRT moved the fat for you but my understanding is that it doesn't work like that unfortunately and HRT only deals with new fat storage. So by losing all this weight I am not only doing myself a huge favour health wise but I hope I am helping in the feminisation of my body. :o


Very slow week ahead without much on. I had a really busy day today cleaning the place for the week ahead and tomorrow will be a fair bit slower(thankfully) :) . I am really looking forward to seeing a girl friend and doing some macro photography at some point during the week. I came very close to buying a new Lens but think I will wait to try out my friends as she so kindly offered to let me use her macro lens so I can compare before I purchase. It may well be worthwhile me waiting a little longer so I am able to purchase the right lens and not have to buy and additional one to achieve what I want. Well its getting late and I have been trying to do this update now for 2 hours so am just going to go ahead and post  :D


Take care

LIz


Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Megan. on July 23, 2018, 05:10:19 am
Nice update Liz,  and great work on the weight loss and exercise, keep it up girl!

I can totally relate to the mixed feelings about body shape, I'm in a very similar position. My thighs are certainly carrying more 'shape' , but that darn belly area is one that really and increasingly causes me negative feelings; I'm not too happy in a skirt yet either for the same reason.

Hugs, Megan. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on July 23, 2018, 05:30:01 am


I keep reading about Liz and her weight loss and I think she is going great.

But....

I'm finally back to 60Kgs!! I dropped to 40Kgs and I can now put on the clothes that I use to wear.

BTW I had a hot chocolate with Liz last week (she had some sort of skinny latte fake-drink thingy) and she is looking great. I had a hot chocolate in the same venue with her a few years before and lets say I was concerned.

I'm in awe of her resilience and determination and the physical and mental changes are incredible.


{Oh I lost all my belly fat but I do not recommend the diet at all ::)}




Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 23, 2018, 05:42:34 am
Keep going  Liz.... I'm having  to do the same....... But it will be worth it in the end

Your gain is what I need to lose Cindy 😉
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on July 23, 2018, 06:32:05 am
Congratulations on the continuing weight loss, Liz!  It sounds like you are doing great.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: sarah1972 on July 23, 2018, 10:04:29 am
Thanks for sharing Liz and congratulations on the weight loss!

I have to figure out what you did, I have about 10 kg I want to lose...

Stay strong and continue fighting for your goal.

Sarah
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 23, 2018, 10:24:30 pm
Liz I found a really great way to lose weight ....get a double tongue piercing!!!
The day after you can't eat anything and don't feel like it  ;D soup only.....
Btw that magic pill diet is working ...😉
I'm going to start walking too👍👍
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 24, 2018, 04:00:28 am
Nice update Liz,  and great work on the weight loss and exercise, keep it up girl!

I can totally relate to the mixed feelings about body shape, I'm in a very similar position. My thighs are certainly carrying more 'shape' , but that darn belly area is one that really and increasingly causes me negative feelings; I'm not too happy in a skirt yet either for the same reason.

Hugs, Megan. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Thanks Megan

It struck me that I have a few significant hurdles to overcome for myself. One of which is happening very shortly and if I am not prepared to look after my body why am I bothering with any of it? I can fix this weight thing and I want too...not just from a health perspective but I genuinely am beginning to have a care for my body which for me is a big advance, lose a bit of weight, some proper fitting clothes and I am sure I will be a lot happier with my overall appearance.  :)



I keep reading about Liz and her weight loss and I think she is going great.

But....

I'm finally back to 60Kgs!! I dropped to 40Kgs and I can now put on the clothes that I use to wear.

BTW I had a hot chocolate with Liz last week (she had some sort of skinny latte fake-drink thingy) and she is looking great. I had a hot chocolate in the same venue with her a few years before and lets say I was concerned.

I'm in awe of her resilience and determination and the physical and mental changes are incredible.


{Oh I lost all my belly fat but I do not recommend the diet at all ::)}


Hi Cindy

I remember the meeting you speak of and I was terrified.

Thank you for the kind words but there is no way I am taking on your diet I like my head in just the position it is on my shoulders thanks  ;D

See you tomorrow  ;)

Congratulations on the continuing weight loss, Liz!  It sounds like you are doing great.

Thanks Kathy for taking the time to read and comment I really appreciate it. ;D


Thanks for sharing Liz and congratulations on the weight loss!

I have to figure out what you did, I have about 10 kg I want to lose...

Stay strong and continue fighting for your goal.

Sarah

Hi Sarah

The only thing I really did apart from the exercise was to stop eating cakes, biscuits, desserts, chocolate, ice cream etc etc and replacing these with healthier options such as fruit. I also modified my carb intake and reduced it wherever I could. The key is really the exercise as that is where the weight loss will come from, without the exercise the weight loss will take forever. I hope you are able to make the changes you need to, to be happy.

Thank you all for your support and kind words....I would like to look in the mirror one day and smile to myself instead of hiding as I now do. The more significant part of all this is that all this weight reminds me of "Him". This is his doing and he's gone and so should his weight. It will give HRT a better chance to redistribute the fat in the right places instead of being overwhelmed by 17 kgs of it.


Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on July 24, 2018, 02:38:45 pm
(tongue pierced) try glandular fever, lost a stone in a week as all I could eat was soup, maybe I should go on a soup diet??? Well done getting to your goal.   
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on July 24, 2018, 03:08:00 pm
SNIPPED:
- - - - - - -
    - - - - - - -
It struck me that I have a few significant hurdles to overcome for myself. One of which is happening very shortly and if I am not prepared to look after my body why am I bothering with any of it? I can fix this weight thing and I want too...not just from a health perspective but I genuinely am beginning to have a care for my body which for me is a big advance, lose a bit of weight, some proper fitting clothes and I am sure I will be a lot happier with my overall appearance.  :)
- - - - - - -
    - - - - - -
Liz

@ElizabethK
Dear Liz: One of the key things that is commonly known about females is that they generally take better care of their skin and body than males do.  Also women are much more observant and concerned about their appearance and how they dress... are the colors and patterns compatible, is ironing needed, do the shoes match, etc, etc...  not to mention makeup, nails, hair, jewelry, etc, etc.   
Women generally dress for other women, guys just tend to just only look at some of the obvious female body features.

A man will sometimes just pick up his wrinkled assortment of mismatched clothes off of the bedroom floor, throw them on, maybe, just maybe, run a comb quickly through his hair and be off and out and about.

Thanks for keeping us updated.

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 24, 2018, 03:11:35 pm
Davina .....I think will give the fever a miss the tongue is bad enough...caught one of the bars with dental floss this morning.....grow
Liz keep up the good work I will be walking in solidarity with you come tomorrow
😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 24, 2018, 03:38:24 pm
Hi Liz,

  Somehow your Monday update sounded awful familiar all except the last 5 miles and the weigh in results. It was deja-vu.
Congrats on the 197kg you will keep getting it lower. I have faith in your stubbornness. Keep it up.

@Cindy , I have tried that crash diet thing about 3 times and two of those I wound up missing internal body parts. I will back you in that " Do not try this at home" recommendation. Even doing it in a hospital setting is not recommended.

Hugs to you Both,
   Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 24, 2018, 05:25:47 pm
@Laurie are you trying to say I repeat myself


@Laurie are you trying to say I repeat myself


@Laurie are you trying to say I repeat myself..... ;D


You will be happy to know I backed off and only did 6ks this morning
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 24, 2018, 05:50:50 pm
  6 km is still a decent walk.

 No you aren't really repeating yourself it is just the venue has changed.

Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 25, 2018, 06:47:22 pm
Good morning to everyone. I did my 6 ks again this morning and will be aiming at 8ks to finish off the week.


I was chatting with a girlfriend the other day and she was asking me about my prep for surgery. The discussion came round to who knows that I am having it and next thing I know she asks me this...


"Did you tell your Mum and Dad about your having surgery"

My initial gut reaction was to say "NO! and I won't" but it got me thinking...and thinking

But is that actually true? What is their reaction going to be if they find out?(chances are good that they will) Bad is the answer to that question. Its going to be made into being about me not trusting them enough to tell them, which to be fair is true. They got really bent out of shape after I got really sick in 2000* and made me promise to tell them should I be having any major surgery in the future or if I had gotten as sick as I did again.

I will be in Melbourne for three weeks and the chances that I don't slip up and have to explain why I am in Melbourne are slim to none. When I went to have a consult with Andy I let slip accidentally on Facebook about heading to Melbourne. I was asked the question at that time and I fobbed them off with saying I was in Melbourne for a different reason. :)

 I have to realistic...the chances are fairly high that I will slip up in that first 24-48 hrs after surgery when I am on my own and at my most vulnerable....to be honest I feel the last thing I need to be concerned about at that time is them.

As you can tell I am a bit confused  ;) Part of me wants to tell them so it removes any chance of their being an issue having it out in the open and the other says no way they don't need to know its none of their business.

Thoughts anyone?


Take care

Liz

Edit added clarification :after I got really sick in 2000*
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on July 25, 2018, 07:43:33 pm
@ElizabethK
Dear Liz:
First, congratulations on getting out there and doing your 6 ks and soon to be 8ks.  It is not only good for you but you will feel better about yourself.

Regarding your Mom and Dad.... as you have most like read on the forums, announcing your transtion details and upcoming surgery  to our parents and to a spouse can be the most difficult gauntlets to get through that most transitioners will ever face.

When you finally do let your parents know the true reason that you will be in Melbourne it will be like a ONE TON weight has been lifted off of your shoulders, I know this from personal experience.  The fact that you have been full time for almost a year and a half I am thinking that telling them about your planned surgery is certainly the next step for you.... if you do take that step, it will be a very freeing experience for you and take a lot off of you mind.    I could argue that they are your parents and they really should know that you are going to have a medical procedure done.... not necessarily ALL of the details but enough that they will be supporting you during this time... and most parents will want to do that.

My free advice is worth just what you paid for it....  I offer it only as my opinion, that is all.
Hugs and wishing you well with whatever you decide.
Danielle

- - - - - - - - -

Good morning to everyone. I did my 6 ks again this morning and will be aiming at 8ks to finish off the week.


I was chatting with a girlfriend the other day and she was asking me about my prep for surgery. The discussion came round to who knows that I am having it and next thing I know she asks me this...


"Did you tell your Mum and Dad about your having surgery"

My initial gut reaction was to say "NO! and I won't" but it got me thinking...and thinking

But is that actually true? What is their reaction going to be if they find out?(chances are good that they will) Bad is the answer to that question. Its going to be made into being about me not trusting them enough to tell them, which to be fair is true. They got really bent out of shape and made me promise to tell them should I be having any major surgery in the future or if I had gotten as sick as I did again.

I will be in Melbourne for three weeks and the chances that I don't slip up and have to explain why I am in Melbourne are slim to none. When I went to have a consult with Andy I let slip accidentally on Facebook about heading to Melbourne. I was asked the question at that time and I fobbed them off with saying I was in Melbourne for a different reason. :)

 I have to realistic...the chances are fairly high that I will slip up in that first 24-48 hrs after surgery when I am on my own and at my most vulnerable....to be honest I feel the last thing I need to be concerned about at that time is them.

As you can tell I am a bit confused  ;) Part of me wants to tell them so it removes any chance of their being an issue having it out in the open and the other says no way they don't need to know its none of their business.

Thoughts anyone?


Take care

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on July 25, 2018, 09:58:09 pm
Hi Liz, congrats on your successes in exercise and weight loss land.

Good morning to everyone. I did my 6 ks again this morning and will be aiming at 8ks to finish off the week.


I was chatting with a girlfriend the other day and she was asking me about my prep for surgery. The discussion came round to who knows that I am having it and next thing I know she asks me this...


"Did you tell your Mum and Dad about your having surgery"

My initial gut reaction was to say "NO! and I won't" but it got me thinking...and thinking

But is that actually true? What is their reaction going to be if they find out?(chances are good that they will) Bad is the answer to that question. Its going to be made into being about me not trusting them enough to tell them, which to be fair is true. They got really bent out of shape after I got really sick in 2000* and made me promise to tell them should I be having any major surgery in the future or if I had gotten as sick as I did again.

I will be in Melbourne for three weeks and the chances that I don't slip up and have to explain why I am in Melbourne are slim to none. When I went to have a consult with Andy I let slip accidentally on Facebook about heading to Melbourne. I was asked the question at that time and I fobbed them off with saying I was in Melbourne for a different reason. :)

 I have to realistic...the chances are fairly high that I will slip up in that first 24-48 hrs after surgery when I am on my own and at my most vulnerable....to be honest I feel the last thing I need to be concerned about at that time is them.

As you can tell I am a bit confused  ;) Part of me wants to tell them so it removes any chance of their being an issue having it out in the open and the other says no way they don't need to know its none of their business.

Thoughts anyone?


Take care

Liz

Edit added clarification :after I got really sick in 2000*

You already know your parents will find out, you already think you know how they will react.
What the unknown is why you hesitate telling them.  Will that knowledge get any better for them as time goes by?
I think laying your cards on the table to family is part of the deal when we transition.  Win lose or draw, in the end all is known.

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 26, 2018, 07:06:49 pm
@Alaskan Danielle @Jessica

Thank you ladies for your thoughts on this. I guess looking from the outside the answer is fairly obvious. Yes I should tell them. If I don't tell them then it sets up for more issues. If I do tell them the I have to be prepared for a negative reaction.

I am tired of it and I am not going to spend 3 weeks in Melbourne trying to hide where I am. I am going to tell them and let the cards fall where they may. I will not be getting into any discussion with either of them about the surgery or my reasons. I will probably tell them closer to the time maybe the a week or two before unless a situation arises beforehand which presents me with the opportunity to tell them.


I will let you know how it goes


Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on July 26, 2018, 11:40:53 pm
@Alaskan Danielle @Jessica

Thank you ladies for your thoughts on this. I guess looking from the outside the answer is fairly obvious. Yes I should tell them. If I don't tell them then it sets up for more issues. If I do tell them the I have to be prepared for a negative reaction.

I am tired of it and I am not going to spend 3 weeks in Melbourne trying to hide where I am. I am going to tell them and let the cards fall where they may. I will not be getting into any discussion with either of them about the surgery or my reasons. I will probably tell them closer to the time maybe the a week or two before unless a situation arises beforehand which presents me with the opportunity to tell them.


I will let you know how it goes


Liz

  Hi Girlfriend,

  Well I am glad your decision is to tell your parents. You are absolutely right, if they find out after the fact there will be all hell breaking looce. And unfortunately it may anyway. I think if it does it will cause you some personal issues but Liz, I think you are better prepared to handle it than you  had been in the past. You can tell and deal with the fallout I am sure. Besides I and always here for you if you need help. Anytime.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 27, 2018, 12:48:22 am
  Hi Girlfriend,

  Well I am glad your decision is to tell your parents. You are absolutely right, if they find out after the fact there will be all hell breaking looce. And unfortunately it may anyway. I think if it does it will cause you some personal issues but Liz, I think you are better prepared to handle it than you  had been in the past. You can tell and deal with the fallout I am sure. Besides I and always here for you if you need help. Anytime.

Hugs,
  Laurie


Hi Laurie

If I am to go from previous reactions then I know for sure I am going to have a problem which is why I am trying to justify to myself not to tell them anything. At this point in my journey where much of it seems to have been a constant battle with them for a shred of proper acceptance I am fed up and tired of it all. I will tell them and I will deal with the fallout that will occur. Whether the fallout is directed straight at me or something I get to "feel" first, time will tell but either way I will deal with it and move on.


Thankyou Laurie I know you are there for me if I need you.  ;) (Hug)

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on July 27, 2018, 02:19:33 am
Dear Liz,

I hope they find it in themselves to accept you, I think you are doing the right thing telling them before, and waiting until just before, perhaps it’s just the way I am but I always worry someone might put a spanner in the works, at least telling them late leaves little room for problems.

How many days and hours is it now? Even I’m getting excited for you, keep up the excellent work on your diet and exercise.

Hugs

Nicole
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 27, 2018, 07:18:19 pm
@nicole

Hi Nicole

Thank you for the vote of confidence. I am such a woos when it comes to these things.  :)

I managed another 8ks this morning...didn't much feel like it and nearly quit at the 4 km mark but didn't because there is only 122days 19hrs 13 minutes BWCA?

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 28, 2018, 09:50:12 pm
If it was me  I wouldn't  tell anyone  I didn't  want to..... but then again I don't talk to my parents  (such a relief  as parents have such a strong  psychological hold over  their children)
Well done on pushing  through  to 8kms again....persistence  is the key you have a very worthwhile goal..!!

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 29, 2018, 06:57:10 pm
Monday Morning Update

Another 8ks this morning and weigh in....I lost 400 grams so am now 96.6 total loss to date is 10kg I really wanted to hit below 96 today. I was so frustrated by the small weight loss but this is not just about weight loss but also getting fit. It is so frustrating to walk 45ks in a week and lose only 400grams (1pound), it is my worst result since early June. It was a bit of a slap in the face to have a look at what I am eating...I know from past experience that it doesn't take much in the way of "bad" food to blow your weight loss out of the water no matter how much exercise you do. I didn't think I had been that bad but when I think back on it now, I can see a number of times where I ate something I should not. I just need to be a bit more careful. I have just measured myself and I have lost 2cm from my waist measurement...so its not all bad. I will nail 96 ks this week by next weigh in I will be in the 95s at least. Not quite ready for the goal achievement celebration... will have to put the streamers and balloons away for another week.

did I mention it was only 121 days 21 hrs 7 mintues BWCA? to go...


Take care

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 29, 2018, 09:24:42 pm
It's still  good... 10kg that's like 20 pounds!!  Discipline  and persistence  will win the race😉 wow if I could  lose 10kg  id  be happy....
Have you picked out a nice little number for the end result
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 29, 2018, 10:18:21 pm
Thanks Drexy You are right it is still a good effort...but just step out of the way please I just need to …

…..moving the goal posts...
…..(sound of truck backing up)….

I just got online and checked my BMI thinking if Dr Ives wants it at 30 or below and 96 is my target then I have to be close. Whilst doing this I came across a copy of my care plan from the Dr's and on it was my height 174cm and weight 103kg and BMI calculation....wait what....It said I was 174cm tall...that's not right I am 179...aren't I, that's what I told Dr Ives...I checked and no I am 174cm tall which means the actual target weight should be 90kgs as that gives me a BMI just under 30 which I am certain he was talking about and I can hardly hold him to 96kgs if I told him the wrong height. I was aiming at 90kgs as my real first goal and second being a BMI of 25 which is 80KGs but it looks like the 90kgs is my real goal now...ok well 6kgs to go....no problem there goes my buffer...


Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on July 29, 2018, 10:47:29 pm
Liz you are such an inspiration for all of us.  Keep at it!  You have already made amazing achievements. 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on July 30, 2018, 01:54:15 am
Thanks Drexy You are right it is still a good effort...but just step out of the way please I just need to …

…..move the goal posts...
…..(sound of truck backing up)….

I just got online and checked my BMI thinking if Dr Ives wants it at 30 or below and 96 is my target then I have to be close. Whilst doing this I came across a copy of my care plan from the Dr's and on it was my height 174cm and weight 103kg and BMI calculation....wait what....It said I was 174cm tall...that's not right I am 179...aren't I, that's what I told Dr Ives...I checked and no I am 174cm tall which means the actual target weight should be 90kgs as that gives me a BMI just under 30 which I am certain he was talking about and I can hardly hold him to 96kgs if I told him the wrong height. I was aiming at 90kgs as my real first goal and second being a BMI of 25 which is 80KGs but it looks like the 90kgs is my real goal now...ok well 6kgs to go....no problem there goes my buffer...


Liz

You sure that you are 174cm? You are taller than me and I'm 174.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 30, 2018, 04:26:54 am
You sure that you are 174cm? You are taller than me and I'm 174.

I had a look at the measurements I had taken back in 2015 when I first decided I needed to transition and they confirmed 174...you made me go check it again  ;D LOL but yes I am 174.....its my big personality makes me appear taller  ;) ;)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 30, 2018, 04:27:52 am
Liz you are such an inspiration for all of us.  Keep at it!  You have already made amazing achievements.

Thankyou Kendra you always know how to make a girl feel good about herself, Thankyou I really needed that today  :)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 30, 2018, 11:56:53 pm
Saw my Dr again today she wanted to see how I was going with my weight loss for surgery and when I spoke to her about BMI I told her what I thought I had made a mistake with Dr Ives...she seemed to think Dr Ives target had nothing to do with BMI but was more about being 10% lighter than I was. She seemed to think this was more likely why he picked 96 but at the end of the day its not my goal anyway. We discussed where I should end up and she does not want me below 80 (despite ideal BMI weight of 55-75kg) and would prefer I keep mid 80's. She was incredibly positive and we discussed how we would go about revaluating the medications I am currently on. I want rid of the metformin and the blood pressure tabs...she also suggested cholesterol but that is hereditary so will have to see how that pans out.

She was really pleased with my weight loss and told me that she thought I was making astounding progress. We are going to test my HBA1C at the end of the month and if that comes in at a lower amount than 6.6 (which it should)then we will begin to reduce my metformin...if the next one after that remains low then it will be gone altogether. Its been a long time since I went to the Dr's and got positive news....makes a very nice change


Busy week coming up seeing Cindy tomorrow along with another friend for coffee, Thursday is quiet Friday is "oil change and grease" at the pain management clinic along with prep for the implantation of my new pump. Saturday I have speech therapy for the first time is quite awhile and this is to assess me for voice surgery. She indicated last time I saw her that I really need to lift my pitch average by 40hrtz to sound consistently female and even then it would be around the 210 -220 MHz  average which means I have to get as high as 240 or more and I don't know that my voice was made to do it...anyway hopefully will have a better idea on Saturday...

More Then


Liz

PS: 120Dys 16Hrs 7Min BWCA?  ;D
 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on July 31, 2018, 12:23:23 am
@ElizabethK

Saw my Dr again today she wanted to see how I was going with my weight loss for surgery and when I spoke to her about BMI I told her what I thought I had made a mistake with Dr Ives...she seemed to think Dr Ives target had nothing to do with BMI but was more about being 10% lighter than I was. She seemed to think this was more likely why he picked 96 but at the end of the day its not my goal anyway. We discussed where I should end up and she does not want me below 80 (despite ideal BMI weight of 55-75kg) and would prefer I keep mid 80's. She was incredibly positive and we discussed how we would go about revaluating the medications I am currently on. I want rid of the metformin and the blood pressure tabs...she also suggested cholesterol but that is hereditary so will have to see how that pans out.

She was really pleased with my weight loss and told me that she thought I was making astounding progress. We are going to test my HBA1C at the end of the month and if that comes in at a lower amount than 6.6 (which it should)then we will begin to reduce my metformin...if the next one after that remains low then it will be gone altogether. Its been a long time since I went to the Dr's and got positive news....makes a very nice change


Busy week coming up seeing Cindy tomorrow along with another friend for coffee, Thursday is quiet Friday is "oil change and grease" at the pain management clinic along with prep for the implantation of my new pump. Saturday I have speech therapy for the first time is quite awhile and this is to assess me for voice surgery. She indicated last time I saw her that I really need to lift my pitch average by 40hrtz to sound consistently female and even then it would be around the 210 -220 MHz  average which means I have to get as high as 240 or more and I don't know that my voice was made to do it...anyway hopefully will have a better idea on Saturday...

More Then


Liz

PS: 120Dys 16Hrs 7Min BWCA?  ;D

Wonderful news Elizabeth!  Weight is down, meds adjusted, your doc is giving you warm fuzzies and you’re going to see Cindy tomorrow.  Could you do myself and everyone here a favor and give her a warm hug from us.

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 31, 2018, 12:50:34 am
Absolutely with pleasure
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: AnonyMs on July 31, 2018, 01:03:12 am
Saturday I have speech therapy for the first time is quite awhile and this is to assess me for voice surgery.

Where are you looking at doing that?
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on July 31, 2018, 01:08:17 am
We have a guy here in Adelaide who does laser surgery for  voice. I have a friend who had hers done and whilst she had her difficulties along the way she sounds all genuine female voice now...Pitches in the 270's average I will send you the details as soon as I get them if you want? Let me know


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: AnonyMs on July 31, 2018, 01:36:03 am
Please send it a long. I'm curious, but I'd not go there. Sounds too risky to me.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 03, 2018, 04:26:57 am
Well what a day...As you can all see I have changed my display name to LizK. I have been meaning to do it for awhile and decided today was the day but unfortunately it was also the day that the name change process which normally works without issue decided to have one. Thanks to Cindy who got me back in. All is well


No walk today as I had an appointment at the Pain Management Clinic to have a top up on my pump. My pump is about to expire so we are prepping for that. I am going in to have it changed over for a new one on the 22nd of this month which is a week earlier that I thought they would. I know the nurse and Dr who are doing it and have managed to negotiate to be first on the list. I have to have a twilight anaesthetic...which is ok at least I am back in the land of the living within a couple of hours. I need to plan to have a week off walking till my sutures come out I would have thought. Biggest side effect of the pump replacement is the spinal fluid headache which if the Dr is skilled may last a few hours or if he fumbles could be 24-48 until lost fluid is replaced. One of the strange flip sides is that I am encouraged to eat chocolate and drink coffee....OH Dang I guess I can take one for the team LOL  ;D

Because I missed my walk this morning I will definitely be going tomorrow. I have been consistently doing 7 ks a day for a couple of weeks now and a few days I have also completed 8ks...but tomorrow if the weather is ok (which it should be) I am going to make an attempt on 10ks. Based on my previous walks I should think this will take about 2 hrs. Its not going to be easy and I think I better fuel up before I do attempt it.

Tomorrow is also my appointment with a voice therapist. I want an assessment for laser surgery...I have a friend who had it done and she sounds good. It still took some hard work but she cannot speak in a deep voice at all even if she tries. She still sounds sightly hoarse and her surgery was 18months ago but each time I see her I notice how much better her voice sounds and even with a little huskiness her voice is still very fem. That's not till late tomorrow.


Will update quickly after my walk and then again after my voice therapy session...


Take Care

Liz


PS: 116d 11h 39m BWCA?  ;)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 04, 2018, 06:41:24 am
Wow that interesting Liz are you going to post some sound bites of before and after I've been trying interested in this for some time
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on August 04, 2018, 06:59:37 am
I’m interested to see how you get on Liz, if you are impressed let us know I’ll pm you to get some details if that’s ok.

Nicole
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 04, 2018, 07:17:29 am
Managed a 7k walk today but only just. My body was complaining about things and I tried to push through it however by about the 6th km it became apparent that my hip was seriously upset about being forced to walk this morning and was not going to co-operate for much longer. Quickly completeed my 7 ks and warmed down before being forced to rest it.... Save to fight another day!! I will do that 10Ks


My voice therapist was astounded with the progress I have made and we had a very frank and open discussion She has advised me that I will need to have surgery if I am to achieve the kind of goals I am talking about, My voice is limited to about max 220htz and starts toi crack and strain above this but worse is that my lows get as low as 120.I have increased my average pitch from 143 to 172 which is great but very limiting if you can't get above 220. She will write a report which will then get sent to my GP who can then make a referral to the specialist and I can have a look at what exactly is involved in the surgery. I will be able to provide more detail once I have an appointment with him.


So that was almost all of my saturday...one last piece but thats for a seperate post....

Take care

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Megan. on August 04, 2018, 07:21:29 am
Good work on the walk Liz, go easy on yourself. General wisdom is never increase distance by more than 10%/week. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 04, 2018, 07:41:07 am
Awhile back in March I had a meeting with my estranged brother regarding the issues between us. At the end of this meeting he agreed to think about a couple of things and get back to me. During this next 5 months he basically ignored me sending bits and pieces of information back through my father. I told my Dad three months ago I washed my hands of my brother, my father came back to me about a month ago and asked if I would think about speaking to my brother and I said I would think about it....This is the response I received after waiting 5 months for a response (from my brother)….I was soo upset when I read this

Quote
Hi

As per Dad's request I am acknowledging your Email.
I am able to meet up with you.
We are in the process of changing our Rosters therefore I will not be able confirm a day to meet until later on in the week ahead.

Cheers

R(fullname)


He deliberately didn't use my name...what a cowardly act...I was pretty upset by it, the email he refers to is one I sent about 3 months ago asking how he was and what he wanted to do since I hadn't heard from him and never got a response. So I sent him a reply that said...you have no reason to treat me like this, You have been rude and gaslighted me, you have made horrible accusations against me. If you wish to speak too, and treat me, with some dignity then I will be only to happy to sit and talk to you. If you are going to be a  brother to me  then I want you to be my brother otherwise..... you can "go away" and do not darken my doorstep again.

I declined his offer to meet me and said we will see how we go after a couple of email exchanges before I even think about a meeting. I told him I was fed up with his animosity towards me especially in light of his admission that he got the original accusation very very wrong....still waiting on an apology about that.....


I feel Ok now but it really did upset me when I first read the email and it was missing my name....what a coward.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on August 04, 2018, 09:32:32 am
@LizK
Dear Liz:  I am so very sorry to hear of your difficulties with your brother.
Yes indeed, this is very upsetting to say the very least.
As you are undoubtedly know, even if it is not related to transgender issues you are not alone with having family issues, hopefully this can be some solace for you.
 
Even 4 years after I came out to my parents and family... and even some of my past very close personal friends.....  NONE of them accept me as "Danielle."
Infrequent phone calls and emails will either go unanswered or they will result in a brief and terse conversation.  The only family member that addressed me as "Danielle" was my mother when I called my parents last Christmas day.  That was the very first time ever.

This reminds me of an old adage that I have quoted previously on various threads around the forums:
           "If life doesn't deal us enough problems, we can always count on our own family"

So, please Liz, hang on and keep keeping on....   as you continue to relate well with your dad and other family ... develop a new circle of accepting friends and acquaintances that will start to ease the pain somewhat, but family or some family members not accepting us for any reason will always be like a nail in our hearts.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Laurie on August 04, 2018, 01:38:14 pm
Hi Liz,

 I read your post about your brother and I think I do know how much it bothered you. I agree with your response to him. He has a long ways to come to meet with you now. Well past halfway to make up for the past. Stand your ground and let him come to you.

  Here it is day two of living with Michelle on the road and I  am still in the car, so all is well... sort of... I think...maybe.

Hugs
  Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 04, 2018, 03:55:11 pm
@LizK

 
Even 4 years after I came out to my parents and family... and even some of my past very close personal friends.....  NONE of them accept me as "Danielle."
Infrequent phone calls and emails will either go unanswered or they will result in a brief and terse conversation.  The only family member that addressed me as "Danielle" was my mother when I called my parents last Christmas day.  That was the very first time ever.

...

…..., but family or some family members not accepting us for any reason will always be like a nail in our hearts.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle


Hi @Alaskan Danielle and thank you for being so supportive. I know how much it hurts losing two family members but to have basically lost the lot must be incredibly difficult. There are so many times when we are reminded of them and being reminded is like a separate new hurt all of its own. It is so weird to mourn the loss of family and friends whilst they are still alive and something I don't think I will ever get used too. I will try and cultivate my relationship with my father. He has hung in there with me even when things have been really hard for us both and I admire him for doing it.

This email from my brother was designed to sabotage any attempt at a reconciliation. That is the final nail in the coffin that is our relationship and he made sure of that. As deeply as this hurts me I have to accept that this is the end result and there is nothing I can do about it. So be it.



Hi Liz,

 I read your post about your brother and I think I do know how much it bothered you. I agree with your response to him. He has a long ways to come to meet with you now. Well past halfway to make up for the past. Stand your ground and let him come to you.

  Here it is day two of living with Michelle on the road and I  am still in the car, so all is well... sort of... I think...maybe.

Hugs
  Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk



Hi Laurie

I am so tired of it all. I am done with him....I don't actually know what I would say to him now if I ever got face to face with him. I don't want ,nor do I need, people like him in my life and I am no longer going to make any effort for him to remian in mine. You are so right when you say he has so much ground to make up just to be even. You can't get much more transphobic than refusing to use my name.


Glad to see there has been no bloodshed between you two and it sounds like you are both having a lovely time.


Thanks to you both for your replies

Take care
Liz   
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 05, 2018, 08:46:22 pm
Monday Morning Update


Drum roll please...todays official weigh in 95.6kg(210 pound) Which means I meet minimum surgical requirements as laid out by Dr Ives own literature  :icon_dance: :icon_dance: :icon_drunk: :icon_geekdance: :icon_geekdance:

Weight loss to date 11.5kg (25 pound)

I am now at goal weight for my surgery. My Dr seems to think Dr Ives Goal of 96Kg was about being 10%less than where I was and not about BMI I am seeking clarification from Dr Ives as I write this. It doesn't really matter as I am aiming at 80-85kg anyway but it still feels good to have this first goal I set under my belt. Onwards to the second one


Quiet week ahead of me nothing in the way of appointments. Bought a new Macro lens, a run out price old last model which was over $600 cheaper that the new model and 100 cheaper than its nearest rival. Cindy and I spent some time going through the specs last week and the lens I bought scores very well for a budget lens. Hope fully in the next couple of weeks her and I will be able to get together to do some photography. I need to find some time to learn how to use my new camera and lens but that should not be two hard as my light studio arrived on Friday.

Another 5ks this morning in the rain  :icon_walk:. I knew I was going to get wet but I did not expect it to be so cold, I wanted to go to 7k I was feeling really fit but as I hit the 5k mark it began to rain even harder and I was already starting to get cold so I figured I would stop at 5ks before I caught sick and live to fight another day. I am having my new pump put in the week after next and I will then be restricted for at least a week to no walking whilst the wound recovers. I will be reliant on diet alone to help me lose weight and that could be a little trickier but something I will deal with at the time.

I forwarded my brothers email to my father and said thanks for your help but this email from my brother is the end result. I went on to say that my brothers issues have nothing to do with the accusations he made about me but more to do with his overall Transphobia. I told him I had responded to my brother saying if he wants to speak to me as a human being or wants to be my brother then no probs lets talk but if he want s to carry on then he can "get lost" and never darken my doorstep again. I apologised that things had turned out this way and that he had become involved at all.

Hopefully he will understand what has gone on here and if he doesn't I'll no soon enough and there is nothing I can do anyway.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on August 05, 2018, 08:59:44 pm
Dear Liz,

Woohoo! Congratulations on achieving your weight loss milestone, walking in the rain? I wish I had your dedication I looked outside an thought nah not today! I did do a 6k walk yesterday though.

I’m sorry about your brothers response to you, it is very sad that we tend to lose loved one along our journey, I hope for you that some day he will get over his phobia and make amends. I have a similar issue with my sister so I have an idea of how you feel.

Great score on the camera lens, I bet you’ll have lots of fun getting to learn how to use it and your new camera.

Hugs

Nicole
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on August 05, 2018, 09:05:42 pm
Congratulations on your continuing weight loss.  Well done!

SOrry about the stress from your brother.  You are handling it the best way.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: HappyMoni on August 05, 2018, 09:08:50 pm
Liz,
   Congrats on reaching your first goal. You are rocking this!

    Sorry you have a jerk for a brother. It is such a waste, and for what. I only had to chat with you once to see how awesome you are. People can be such...what's the 'down under' word for a**h#les?
Moni
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 05, 2018, 10:47:32 pm
Great news about achieving your weight goal!!!  Yeah!

I'm sorry to hear of your brother's issue with you and not being able to speak up.  Its his own fears that are holding him back.  Too bad for him.  As you note, your dad has been good and tried his best so be there for him.  Your relationship can blossom.   

Judi
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on August 06, 2018, 12:06:20 am
Hi Liz 🙋‍♀️ I do agree with the way you are dealing with your brother.  You have done all you should need to do and he has done none.  Until he becomes your brother again, there isn’t much more you can do.  But might I stress that if you want to have your brother in your life, you must keep the channels open, otherwise things will never change.

It is wonderful that you accomplished your weight loss goal!
And in regards to the trouble you had with the profile name change.....
was it something I did wrong?  I have been known to make uncalculated errors.

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 06, 2018, 07:41:41 pm
Hi Liz,

I just got caught up on your thread after being away for a couple of weeks. Wow! You have been a busy girl.

Congratulations on reaching your first weight loss goal. That is a great achievement.

I’m so sorry things with your brother are not improving. You have done everything possible and more. Now it is entirely up to him if he chooses to rethink his behaviour and repair the damage he has caused to your relationship. (((Hug)))

You are also making progress with your voice training and preparation for possible voice surgery. My voice is something that really bothers me. It is one of the most dysphoric parts of me at the moment.

And the countdown to your surgery is quickly approaching double digits. How exciting!!!!

Keep up the great work on your weight loss and general fitness.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 07, 2018, 12:52:27 am
Dear Liz,

Woohoo! Congratulations on achieving your weight loss milestone, walking in the rain? I wish I had your dedication I looked outside an thought nah not today! I did do a 6k walk yesterday though.

I’m sorry about your brothers response to you, it is very sad that we tend to lose loved one along our journey, I hope for you that some day he will get over his phobia and make amends. I have a similar issue with my sister so I have an idea of how you feel.

Great score on the camera lens, I bet you’ll have lots of fun getting to learn how to use it and your new camera.

Hugs

Nicole
@Nicole70

Hi Nicole Thanks for the vote of confidence...The rain wasn't much fun as I am sure you know...its been cold here hasn't it!!! I am sorry to hear you have similar issues with your sister it does suck doesn't it. Many in this community have had the weird experience of having to grieve the loss of family members who are still alive but reject them for coming out. It is an experience unique to the LGBTQI+ community. I have been through this grieving process with my mother and now of late with my brother.
I am still working on learning my new camera but that is an ongoing project
Take care
Liz

Congratulations on your continuing weight loss.  Well done!

SOrry about the stress from your brother.  You are handling it the best way.
@KathyLauren

Thanks Kathy it certainly has been stressful but it won't last much longer and thankyou for your support.
Take care
Liz

Liz,
   Congrats on reaching your first goal. You are rocking this!

    Sorry you have a jerk for a brother. It is such a waste, and for what. I only had to chat with you once to see how awesome you are. People can be such...what's the 'down under' word for a**h#les?
Moni
@HappyMoni

Hi Moni you are a sweetheart...and by the way is there anyway we can have another chat. Would love to catch up and see how you are!! PM me and we can work it out if you want too. As far as appropriate names go I think you have it covered starting A and ending E  ;D
Take care
Liz

Great news about achieving your weight goal!!!  Yeah!

I'm sorry to hear of your brother's issue with you and not being able to speak up.  Its his own fears that are holding him back.  Too bad for him.  As you note, your dad has been good and tried his best so be there for him.  Your relationship can blossom.   

Judi
@JudiblueEyes

Thankyou Judi  for your kind support. Yes my brother is a jerk and I think you are right it is his own fears. I agree with you whole heartedly the relationship between my father and I has been very difficult the last 3 years but of recent times has done a 180 with him calling me his daughter for the first time on out last call. I admire his tenacity and courage for hanging in there with me unlike my mother. I am not going to let my stupid brother get in the way of this new relationship just starting to develop with my father. Thanks for your support Judi  :D.
Take care
Liz

Hi Liz I do agree with the way you are dealing with your brother.  You have done all you should need to do and he has done none.  Until he becomes your brother again, there isn’t much more you can do.  But might I stress that if you want to have your brother in your life, you must keep the channels open, otherwise things will never change.

It is wonderful that you accomplished your weight loss goal!
And in regards to the trouble you had with the profile name change.....
was it something I did wrong?  I have been known to make uncalculated errors.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

@Jessica
Hi Jess

My brother crossed a line by using an insult that was specific and targeted, he knew how it sounded, what it meant and how much it would hurt me. I cannot allow this to continue to hurt me nor my family. I would however, like to have a relationship with the brother I know and love that lives inside of that poor smuck posing as my brother now.

The weight loss continues to be a positive for me and I will be soon approaching a level of weight I have not been at for many, many years maybe as far back as my nursing days in the 70's and 80's......then comes Shopping!!
Take care
Liz
Hi Liz,

I just got caught up on your thread after being away for a couple of weeks. Wow! You have been a busy girl.

Congratulations on reaching your first weight loss goal. That is a great achievement.

I’m so sorry things with your brother are not improving. You have done everything possible and more. Now it is entirely up to him if he chooses to rethink his behaviour and repair the damage he has caused to your relationship. (((Hug)))

You are also making progress with your voice training and preparation for possible voice surgery. My voice is something that really bothers me. It is one of the most dysphoric parts of me at the moment.

And the countdown to your surgery is quickly approaching double digits. How exciting!!!!

Keep up the great work on your weight loss and general fitness.

Hugs,
Jayne
@Jayne01
Hi Jayne
Thanks for the vote of confidence, having supportive people around you is always great. Yes I have a fair bit on my plate for the next 12 months. I have managed to contain much of my excitement  but I was looking at my spreadsheet on Sunday when I realised it was now a little over 6 weeks until I have my pre-surgery telephone appointment with Dr Ives. The next consult after this will be on the day of the op...from there it will be a straight 10 weeks till surgery so time is flying.

My voice really bothers me a lot as well. It has been suggested to me that my voice surgery should be the last one I have as intubation can damage the vocal chords. So if my plans come together it will be this time next year...much of that will depend on affordability which is an unknown till after November.

What was that you asked?? 112d 15h 12m BWCA?

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 07, 2018, 02:48:21 am
7ks today was feeling ok but started developing a blister around the 6.5k mark and the 7k finished right by the car so the timing was perfect. Another 1km whilst satisfying could easily have meant me messing up my left heel to the point of having toi take a few days off. The days are getting longer here and it won't be long before it will be light for my 6am walks. Doing it at that time of the morning means I am back and ready to get into my day by 7:30 at the latest. Apart from that it sets me up for the day...gives me time to work stuff out of my system  :D

My Dad replied and said...sorry things have stalemated between you and your brother, can we talk tomorrow...I wrote back and said yes we can talk tomorrow. My father doesn't really understand yet that I don't need unsupportive people in my life. I have so many good people who love me for who I am.

Goals this week are to try and achieve 10k walk between now and Saturday.  Secondly I want to jump on those scales next Monday and see 94 something...I don't care if its 94.9 so long as its under 95....less carbs worked the last time so will try and keep an eye on them this week. I am also considering walking on Sunday to try and ensure I get a good result. We will see how keen I am on that by the time Sunday comes around  :D I need to get as much of this weight off as I can before the 22nd August when I have my first minor op as there could 7 days or more where no exercise at all will be allowed...If I can get through that week without putting on any weight I will be happy. So I thought I should make the most of things whilst able.             

Will update again in a few days...I am still plotting @Laurie and @Michelle P road trip via google earth which I will share with everyone once I work out how!! LOL till then...

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on August 07, 2018, 05:32:41 am
Good work Liz, hope your blister doesn’t get any worse, you are doing great with your weight loss and exercise, I know what you mean about clearing your head and setting you up for the day, exercise does have that affect.

I hope you have a good talk with your father tomorrow and hit that 10k target.

Nicole
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on August 07, 2018, 04:49:15 pm
Looks like you have it sorted, just watch that heel . Maybe a protective plaster next time. Have lost 7lb (3 kilo?) in 3 weeks just by eating less .
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 07, 2018, 05:41:37 pm
Good work Liz, hope your blister doesn’t get any worse, you are doing great with your weight loss and exercise, I know what you mean about clearing your head and setting you up for the day, exercise does have that affect.

I hope you have a good talk with your father tomorrow and hit that 10k target.

Nicole

Hi Nicole

Thanks for the encouragement. The blister was too frightened to raise itself today LOL and it may have been because I had really wet feet yesterday!! I am not really looking forward to this call with my father as I doubt he is going to like what I have to say. He is in a difficult position...Whilst he is able to empathise with me he still has to speak with my brother and I can't imagine it is easy. I am going to make it really easy for him if I hit Sunday without some kind of positive response to my email(which I do not expect to get) then I will no longer have to deal with it anymore which in itself is a relief. After Sunday I will put the whole thing to bed.

Looks like you have it sorted, just watch that heel . Maybe a protective plaster next time. Have lost 7lb (3 kilo?) in 3 weeks just by eating less .

That's as 1kg per week which is really good. I aim to lose 1kg a week, I was told that weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise. You have certainly achieved a good steady result. Keep that up for the next few weeks and you will be at your goal weight before you know it. Congrats on the weight loss  ;)

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 07, 2018, 06:01:26 pm
Early start today...Looked outside and whilst dark it was not raining and the Radar showed reasonably clear weather. Feet felt good the blister from wet feet yesterday had cleared up. I was at the park just on 6am and it was about 11c so not really cold at all. As I came into the last part of the walk my tracking app informed I had done my 7ks however I was in a spot to either do another 1km or take an easy finish...I did the extra 1km and here is me in all my glory

7:30 am after an 8k Walk

(https://i.imgur.com/dHabn7t.jpg?1)

Comes complete with foggy glasses and water dripping off my nose because about the time I decided to go for the extra 1km it began to spit lightly but by the time I got back to the car is was chucking down!!


Skype call with my Dad soon...If anything positive comes out of it I may well post about that separately. I am not expecting anything to come out of it.
Other than that only boring mundane things today...got to go to the local chemist and maybe the supermarket...thats about the highlight of a very quiet day.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on August 07, 2018, 06:08:36 pm
Early start today...Looked outside and whilst dark it was not raining and the Radar showed reasonably clear weather. Feet felt good the blister from wet feet yesterday had cleared up. I was at the park just on 6am and it was about 11c so not really cold at all. As I came into the last part of the walk my tracking app informed I had done my 7ks however I was in a spot to either do another 1km or take an easy finish...I did the extra 1km and here is me in all my glory

7:30 am after an 8k Walk

(https://i.imgur.com/dHabn7t.jpg?1)

Comes complete with foggy glasses and water dripping off my nose because about the time I decided to go for the extra 1km it began to spit lightly but by the time I got back to the car is was chucking down!!


Skype call with my Dad soon...If anything positive comes out of it I may well post about that separately. I am not expecting anything to come out of it.
Other than that only boring mundane things today...got to go to the local chemist and maybe the supermarket...thats about the highlight of a very quiet day.

Take care

Liz

@LizK
Dear Liz... thank you for keeping your thread up to date with your latest life happenings.   
Walking, jogging, or running in the rain and cool weather is so much better that doing it on a hot and bright sunny day.   Kudos to you for going the extra km.I trust that you skype call with your dad goes well.

Hey, there is nothing wrong with having a very quiet, boring and mundane day.... time for you to recharge and to let that foot/heel blister heal up.

Thank you for keeping your followers apprised of your day.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on August 07, 2018, 09:30:04 pm
Liz your "7:30 am after an 8k Walk" photo says so much.  Behind those foggy glasses your eyes show determination as nothing will stop you from reaching your goals.  Blisters, rain, errands to run and other distractions are less important.  And now you're inside, out of the rain and closer to your goals. 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on August 07, 2018, 10:27:17 pm
Liz your "7:30 am after an 8k Walk" photo says so much.  Behind those foggy glasses your eyes show determination as nothing will stop you from reaching your goals.  Blisters, rain, errands to run and other distractions are less important.  And now you're inside, out of the rain and closer to your goals.

I also saw happiness!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 07, 2018, 10:42:24 pm
Thought I would give a quick update after my Skype Call with my Father

………..

So there you have it...I am surprised, happy, apprehensive , confused(pleasantly) and weirdly positive. I would be so happy if this was the start of better relationship between my father and I...unfortunately things have not always worked out that way in the past so it makes me wary. This time...maybe...

Liz

This post(above) is from June of this year which was out last Skype call

So I stayed positive hoping to chat with that same guy I spoke with last call, the one who showed great compassion and understanding, the one that gave me hope we might be finally on the right track...yeah that guy....


My mother was missing again and my Father said to me with a straight face that he had "forgotten to tell her"...poor guy, this is about the 4th time in a row he's "forgotten to tell her" or "she should have been back by now" maybe he needs some help with his memory.  ;)

The guy who told me I was his daughter and he would have to learn how to treat her etc etc he was gone the confrontational, aggressive misgendering and misnaming one,....he was back....I was right to be wary.

In some ways its a relief...part of me wanted to believe he had changed but deep down I don't think I really did. Maybe he had a temporary aberration bought on my watching a TV program.

 Whilst I was upset immediately after the call, all I can feel now is relief. I think its because I know its over....I am probably going to take a break from most of my social media for awhile and get some real distance from them all,  I am probably just going to stay in touch with a few people. It would seem that keeping a distance from my family may give me the best relationship yet.

Liz your "7:30 am after an 8k Walk" photo says so much.  Behind those foggy glasses your eyes show determination as nothing will stop you from reaching your goals.  Blisters, rain, errands to run and other distractions are less important.  And now you're inside, out of the rain and closer to your goals. 
@Kendra

Right when I was about to have a full blown "pity party" along comes the delightful Kendra with one of her astute observations which makes this girl feel really good...Thank you Kendra you are a sweetheart.  :)v

I also saw happiness!
@Jessica

Yes there is a fair amount of that these days despite the normal junk we all go through. ;D

I saw your post the other day where you mentioned about me having a few issues after my name change last week...we I had one baffled admin and senior mod trying to work out what had a gone wrong...they got me back in as you can see but for some reason the password reset email was never actually either, triggered, not  generated, or binned by a server somewhere I don't know but I never got it but the system thought I had...I don't know...I eventually got the email then I was able to log back in so all good in the end LOL

Liz 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on August 07, 2018, 11:03:45 pm
This post(above) is from June of this year which was out last Skype call

So I stayed positive hoping to chat with that same guy I spoke with last call, the one who showed great compassion and understanding, the one that gave me hope we might be finally on the right track...yeah that guy....


My mother was missing again and my Father said to me with a straight face that he had "forgotten to tell her"...poor guy, this is about the 4th time in a row he's "forgotten to tell her" or "she should have been back by now" maybe he needs some help with his memory.  ;)

The guy who told me I was his daughter and he would have to learn how to treat her etc etc he was gone the confrontational, aggressive misgendering and misnaming one,....he was back....I was right to be wary.

In some ways its a relief...part of me wanted to believe he had changed but deep down I don't think I really did. Maybe he had a temporary aberration bought on my watching a TV program.

 Whilst I was upset immediately after the call, all I can feel now is relief. I think its because I know its over....I am probably going to take a break from most of my social media for awhile and get some real distance from them all,  I am probably just going to stay in touch with a few people. It would seem that keeping a distance from my family may give me the best relationship yet.
@Kendra

Right when I was about to have a full blown "pity party" along comes the delightful Kendra with one of her astute observations which makes this girl feel really good...Thank you Kendra you are a sweetheart.  :)v
@Jessica

Yes there is a fair amount of that these days despite the normal junk we all go through. ;D

I saw your post the other day where you mentioned about me having a few issues after my name change last week...we I had one baffled admin and senior mod trying to work out what had a gone wrong...they got me back in as you can see but for some reason the password reset email was never actually either, triggered, not  generated, or binned by a server somewhere I don't know but I never got it but the system thought I had...I don't know...I eventually got the email then I was able to log back in so all good in the end LOL

Liz

I pray that you won’t abandon us here?!?
I definitely need a Liz fix when I need a Liz fix!

I’m glad it got sorta out.  It sounds above my pay grade and I feel relieved I didn’t mess it up!

Hugs and smiles, Jess 🌸🌸🌸
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 07, 2018, 11:38:25 pm
Hi Liz,

I am sorry the Skype call with your dad didn’t go as you had hoped. You have gone above and beyond with the effort you have put in to make peace with your family. There is nothing more you can do now. You need to do what is best for Liz and only worry about the people that truly care for you. There are plenty of people who love and accept you for who you are. (((Hug)))

On a more positive front, congratulations again on your determination to meet your fitness goals. You are doing so well, I have no doubt you will achieve any goal you set your mind to.

Thank you for updating us and I hope your absence from social media doesn’t include Susan’s. Who would provide us with the countdown clock, BWCA?

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 08, 2018, 06:53:31 am
Well done on taking the xtra km than the easy finish..... That's the spirit  chic😉
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on August 08, 2018, 07:34:50 am
Hi, Liz.

I am sorry to hear that the call to your father didn't go well.  As they say, if something appears too good to be true, it probably is.  Well, at least now you know.

I am glad to hear that your exercise and weight-loss program is going so well.  Yay!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 09, 2018, 04:22:17 am
Thanks for the support ladies. No I do not include Susan's as social media and it is likely going to be the only place I post. I sent out a Facebook post today to a select number of friends letting them know that I am "taking a break" from social media. Later tonight or first thing tomorrow I will disable it. Just for a little while maybe 6 months we will see!...I wish to be "incommunicado" for awhile and this is just one of a number of steps I am taking...the last few months have once again been draining on me, my beloved partner and my girls. I am also going to do something about skype...not sure what to do with that as there are a couple of people I want to keep in touch with...I am sure I can find a creative solution.

More updates to follow but I wanted to say thank you to all you wonderful people who come here and help pick me up after yet another fiasco with my family...to you all I am eternally grateful.


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 09, 2018, 05:03:26 am
Beautiful morning this morning...I set off about 6:15 in order to catch the sun coming up. The park is beautiful that time of the morning...no one around. I am wearing my 6 week old Nike 501's that I have been having trouble breaking in...4.3km into the walk and I have the makings of blisters again from them...if I keep walking I will end up with small blisters on each foot which will stop my walking all together. I was so annoyed as the sun was almost up, the morning was nice and I was feeling fit. So I jumped into the car, home, changed shoes and back to the park all within about 5 minutes...45 Minutes later I completed my 7ks.... :D Felt really good afterwards


I received a text yesterday from Cindy, did I want to go and do some photography...you betcha I did...This afternoon off I tootled to Cindy's, pick her up and she shows me where to drive to her local photography haunt. This just happens to be a huge wetland area full of ponds, trees, new plants and plenty of wildlife without having to look to hard, having a bit of local knowledge helped!!.

We strolled around snapping happily for a couple of hours until the day began to cloud over...from there a slow walk back to the car and back to Cindy's place but as we all know the rule is...

No photograph then it didn't happen


(https://i.imgur.com/N5lbAdB.jpg)

What a lovely way to spend the afternoon, fresh air sunshine and fabulous company. Finished the afternoon off with coffee and a few laughs. Enjoyed myself so much I am going to do it all again sometime next week.  ;D

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 09, 2018, 05:10:07 am
Hi Liz,

Thank you for continuing to post here at Susan’s. You and your immediate family are the priority. Do whatever it is you need to do for YOU. You have all of our support.

Great job with not giving up on your walk this morning. Going home to change your shoes and returning to the park to complete the walk shows true determination to achieve your goals. Well done!

And then rounding out the day with a photography session out with Cindy. Sounds like fun. Love the photo of the two of you. You both look fantastic! I’d like to see some of your macro shots if you wish to share any.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on August 09, 2018, 09:51:45 am
> I am also going to do something about skype...not sure what to do with that as there are a couple of people I want to keep in touch with

Skype Privacy Settings (https://support.skype.com/en/skype/all/start/contacts/).  Skype's default setting allows random people to find and contact you including junk calls.  This can be changed to only allow people in your Skype Contacts List to find and contact you.  If someone you don't want appears in your current Contacts List, right click or long-press provides options to delete.  You can also set Skype so it doesn't automatically sync with your email address book.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: RandyL on August 09, 2018, 11:10:44 am
We strolled around snapping happily for a couple of hours until the day began to cloud over...from there a slow walk back to the car and back to Cindy's place but as we all know the rule is...
...
What a lovely way to spend the afternoon, fresh air sunshine and fabulous company. Finished the afternoon off with coffee and a few laughs. Enjoyed myself so much I am going to do it all again sometime next week.  ;D
Beautiful picture of two happy ladies outdoors! Exercise, sunshine, good friends -- so important in leading a good life. I'm glad you can have those, especially in this stressful time.

As for blisters, I've been going through problems with those as well.  I find that good socks can make a huge difference.  I've also used Body Lube (a silicone-based lube, all the running stores sell it).  I hope you find a good solution.

All the best, Randy
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 09, 2018, 11:13:59 am
You both look happy!  I'm sure you had a great time taking photos and talking photography!

Judi
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on August 09, 2018, 01:39:58 pm
@LizK
Dear Liz:
Thank you for posting your wonderful update and your terrific picture....  both you and your friend look quite lovely in that picture in the park.  It is always nice to be out with a friend... walking, talking, coffee, etc.  That really helps to take your mind off of other issues that you are dealing with.

Oh and good news about doing another 7Km.... blisters be damned!!!!
Take care of your feet, they are the only ones that were issued to you.

Thanks again for your happy posting.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on August 09, 2018, 03:22:07 pm
2 reprobates in the park, look out wardens coming ha ha!!! Looking good ladies hope the photos are good.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 09, 2018, 07:29:11 pm
Completed my first 10k walk today. Tomorrow is supposed to be crappy weather wise so I thought I would take the opportunity to try and make it to 10km. Took me 1 hour 30 minutes to complete and a new personal best for pace. 9min 32sec per KM, very happy with that result. If tomorrow is ok then I may do a short 5km or similar, It was such a beautiful morning to be out and about and I really enjoyed it. I love that part of the day when I can think about things and if they upset or make me angry I can just push a little harder with my walk to take my mind off it.

I have removed myself from Skype(apart from a few friends), Instagram, Pinterest and finally this morning Facebook. I am fed up with social media and I do not wish to be contacted on those mediums by certain people.

I am limiting my families ability to impact me by restricting their access to me. I am now back in control as to how they will interact with me. Hell my Mother won't look at me and refuses to be on any Skype call forcing my Father to feel as though he should lie to me about the reason why she was missing...then yells at me about honesty...OY VEY!!!!.. Enough of that! ;D

Quiet day ahead, maybe my new Lens may even turn up but I suspect it won't be till Monday...I have plenty of stuff to photograph that we want to put up for sale..so that should keep me busy plus I have well over 600 photo from yesterday to go through... I will be a busy girl!!

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 09, 2018, 07:58:54 pm
Hi Liz,
…………….
Thank you for continuing to post here at Susan’s. You and your immediate family are the priority. Do whatever it is you need to do for YOU. You have all of our support.
………...
Hugs,
Jayne
@Jayne01

Hi Jayne

I took a break from Susans last year due to my Family and trying to deal with the ongoing rubbish that is my family relationship. I know who my friends are, I know who loves and respects me and its those people I will spend my time with. Many of those people can be found here. I had my oldest BFF call me last night, we have shared a 37 year friendship with up too 18 months in some cases between contacts but we always take up together like we had never been away. She had a bit of a health scare over the last few weeks and was calling all those people in her life that were special to her...I was really touched.

I want to spend my time with my own family and the friends I have here(also my family)….not those that would tear me down for their own bigotry. I may learned the hard way, but I did eventually learn, that when it comes to being trans and families....Blood is definitely not always thicker than water.

Take care
Liz

Skype Privacy Settings (https://support.skype.com/en/skype/all/start/contacts/).  Skype's default setting allows random people to find and contact you including junk calls.  This can be changed to only allow people in your Skype Contacts List to find and contact you.  If someone you don't want appears in your current Contacts List, right click or long-press provides options to delete.  You can also set Skype so it doesn't automatically sync with your email address book.
@Kendra
Thanks Kendra,

I have followed your suggestions here and now have it sorted so I do not have to dump skype completely. Thank you so much for your help.

Take care
Liz

Beautiful picture of two happy ladies outdoors! Exercise, sunshine, good friends -- so important in leading a good life. I'm glad you can have those, especially in this stressful time.

As for blisters, I've been going through problems with those as well.  I find that good socks can make a huge difference.  I've also used Body Lube (a silicone-based lube, all the running stores sell it).  I hope you find a good solution.

All the best, Randy
@RandyL

Hi Randy

Thank you for the kind words and the compliment. Also I will hunt out this body lube to help with the blisters. As a result of todays 10k walk I have a couple of small ones. I know Meryl is heading out today so will get her to pick me some up. Thanks for the suggestion.

Take care
Liz

You both look happy!  I'm sure you had a great time taking photos and talking photography!

Judi

@Judiblueeyes

Hi Judi
Yes thanks we had a great time. It was such a beautiful day that it just made the afternoon that much more pleasant.

take care
Liz

@LizK
Dear Liz:
Thank you for posting your wonderful update and your terrific picture....  both you and your friend look quite lovely in that picture in the park.  It is always nice to be out with a friend... walking, talking, coffee, etc.  That really helps to take your mind off of other issues that you are dealing with.

Oh and good news about doing another 7Km.... blisters be damned!!!!
Take care of your feet, they are the only ones that were issued to you.

Thanks again for your happy posting.
Hugs,
Danielle

@Alaskan Danielle

Hi Danielle

It was an absolute pleasure to be posting something nice. I have every intention of shifting my focus away from where it is and back to the people in this community who have shown me such great friendship.

The feet are an ongoing issue and I am taking steps to remedy this...

Take care

Liz


2 reprobates in the park, look out wardens coming ha ha!!! Looking good ladies hope the photos are good.
@Davina61

"Reprobates in the park" sounds like a cool name for a band although I suspect between Cindi and I we can probably manage a tamborine LOL...you want to join our band Davina? What can you play..piano?, guitar?, accordian? As far as photos goes a couple of hours this afternoon wil reveal everything...more than likly I will just fill up my pc's Trash

Take care
Liz



Lots of fun to be had and a bit of mischief never goes astray either

Liz



Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: KathyLauren on August 09, 2018, 07:59:42 pm
Congrats on the 10k walk!  That is a very respectable time.

Congrats, too, on shutting down social media.  If it is causing aggravation, you don't need it.  Such a shame that your family is giving you grief: you don't need that either.

I like the photo of you and Cindy! :)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 09, 2018, 08:52:39 pm
Congratulations on the 10k walk Liz. Lookout world! Nothing is getting in the way of this girl achieving her goals.

Hugs,
Jayne

PS: what happened to the countdown, BWCA? I feel lost without an update...
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on August 09, 2018, 08:54:45 pm
Well done Liz,

Great achievement reaching 10k, and a good pace too.

Nicole
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 10, 2018, 12:27:03 am
Congratulations on the 10k walk Liz. Lookout world! Nothing is getting in the way of this girl achieving her goals.

Hugs,
Jayne

PS: what happened to the countdown, BWCA? I feel lost without an update...

@Jayne01 How remiss of me!! My apologies  :laugh:

109 Days 15 Hrs 35minutes BWCA?  ;D
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on August 10, 2018, 12:34:47 am
@Jayne01 How remiss of me!! My apologies  :laugh:

109 Days 15 Hrs 35minutes BWCA?  ;D

Tick, tick, tick
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 10, 2018, 04:46:44 am
That's a lovely photo of you both....I love that smile Liz you look so happy....
And ten Kms !!! Wow 👍 I thought 2 kms was a lot 🤔
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 10, 2018, 06:24:03 am
@Jayne01 How remiss of me!! My apologies  :laugh:

109 Days 15 Hrs 35minutes BWCA?  ;D
Oh thank you Liz. I was feeling lost without the countdown. Wasn’t sure if it was really you posting.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 10, 2018, 07:31:00 am
Be careful of imposters..you want the real deal....Of Course


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 10, 2018, 08:13:13 pm
8 Ks again today...started a bit later due to trying avoid the rain...I didn't!!

Shout out to @RandyL for the great suggestion of lube...whilst I didn't get any I did come across some really useful information about how to avoid blisters in general. If I hadn't been looking for the lube I would not have found these suggestions which led to an even more successful workout that I was having. I didn't realise why the warmup was so important...the little reading I did tells me the warmup is done at a slower pace than workout but higher than resting, to use the immediate reserves of energy stored in the muscles...once this is depleted during the warm up you then increase your pace to bump up the heart rate which will in turn put you in an ideal situation to start burning off your weight...or so they claim. Besides all of that, it is better for you, than getting out and just going flat out because you are far more likely to have an injury.

The articles also talked about blister prevention. Double socked and with shoes tied differently, off I went. Just after the 4 km mark was the first shower and it was only light, lasting a few minutes. As I approached the most exposed part of the walk the second longest and heavier shower hit. I came into the last 2km with slightly wet clothes and having just wet my feet...If I have done enough blister protection then I should be ok...off I go to be drenched by the third and final shower which was shorter but twice as heavy as anything previous and soaked me to the skin. 2ks to go, wet from head to foot, I finish with my heels intact and having completed the last 2 kms with wet feet.


Sunday is a rest day....I have a few chores to do today and 600 odd photo's to review from Wednesday. So plenty to keep me occupied.

Take care

Liz   
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: RandyL on August 11, 2018, 12:00:49 am
...2ks to go, wet from head to foot, I finish with my heels intact and having completed the last 2 kms with wet feet. 
Yes!!! No blisters; yet another obstacle cleared from your path. Nothing gonna stop you now Liz!
All the best, Randy
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 11, 2018, 12:08:33 am
Way to go on another 8k Liz. So proud of the commitment you are putting into your fitness. Not even multiple rain showers and the threat of blisters is stopping you!

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Faith on August 11, 2018, 07:58:24 am
Liz, Hi. you visited me and I haven't returned the favor. Truthfully, I have been reading it, I just hide in the corner as you go running by.

When Lori and I walk we do about 3.5 mi .. I don't run. I can't imagine running it.  :o
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 11, 2018, 04:59:20 pm
Hi Faith

Thanks for dropping by I appreciate it. I tend to read and post in threads where I feel kindred spirits and I certainly do in your case. 3.5 mile is roughly between 5 and 6 ks which is a nice solid 30-45 minute workout. The reading I have done recently indicates that walking is one of the better exercises for weight control. Keep up the good work!!
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on August 11, 2018, 06:26:08 pm
Hi Faith

Thanks for dropping by I appreciate it. I tend to read and post in threads where I feel kindred spirits and I certainly do in your case. 3.5 mile is roughly between 5 and 6 ks which is a nice solid 30-45 minute workout. The reading I have done recently indicates that walking is one of the better exercises for weight control. Keep up the good work!!

@LizK
Dear Liz:
You are quite correct about walking.....  aerobic walking at a pace that increases your heart rate for at least a half hour is very effective for weight control and general whole body exercise, and the other good news is that it is very low impact and is easy on your joints.

"An aerobic walk is one that is long enough and brisk enough to bring your heart rate up into the aerobic heart rate zone and keep it there for 30 to 50 minutes. This is a higher heart rate, between moderate and vigorous intensity. You will be walking very fast, breathing very hard and sweating"


If you do a google search for "Aerobic Walking" you will see a lot of hits for the benefits and methods of aerobic walking.

Thanks for your update posting and continuing on toward your goals.
I will be looking forward to following your progress and as I always have, following your thread and your postings.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on August 12, 2018, 04:13:54 pm
late reply but had a lot on, I would play drums in your band. Well done on blister prevention.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 12, 2018, 05:39:57 pm
@LizK

"An aerobic walk is one that is long enough and brisk enough to bring your heart rate up into the aerobic heart rate zone and keep it there for 30 to 50 minutes. This is a higher heart rate, between moderate and vigorous intensity. You will be walking very fast, breathing very hard and sweating"[/size]

...
Danielle[/b]


Thankyou for you advice Danielle, it is duly noted  ;D I will update shortly for the week and in that I will discuss my current stats and would be interested to hear your thoughts. I am walking fast and sweating but I am not what I would call breathing hard although my heart rate indicates differently.


late reply but had a lot on, I would play drums in your band. Well done on blister prevention.

To be truthful I can play a little guitar so that's Cindi on the Tamborine unless of course she is a secret heavy metal bass guitarist, me on lead guitar, Davina on the drums and what we need are some backup singers, we could call them the Reprobatettes and someone to play keyboard. I would certainly be open to other musical instruments for additional "tone"  as required. Maybe even a lead singer...anyone want to audition!! LOL

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 12, 2018, 06:58:36 pm
Monday Morning Update

I said after last weeks weigh in and finally getting under my goal weight I said I wanted to be somewhere in the 94'kgs range and didn't care if it was 94.99kgs so long as it was under 95kg. I wasn't that confident on my chances considering I had a Malteser blow out on Saturday

(https://i.imgur.com/9b8qTO6.jpg?1)

….and Yes it was the bucket size :icon_redface: Whilst I didn't eat the whole bucket I had a fair few. My confidence was low that I would actually lose the 600 grams I needed to get there. Doing my weigh in this morning I was not expecting to be out of the 95's however much to my delight I weighed in at
94.1Kg(207lb) which is a weight loss of 1.5 kg (3.3lb)
:eusa_dance: :icon_dance::icon_geekdance: :icon_caffine:  :eusa_dance: :icon_dance:
I am ecstatic at the result, I never expected to lose that much and I can see if I am not careful I will have body image issues. I want rid of this weight around my middle however my understanding is that I am doing the best exercise for weight loss already so I just need to be patient...LOL not one of my stronger qualities.

I have been monitoring my stats and my resting heart rate is averaged over 5 recent reading to be 58. When I walk I have started to do a warm up that consists basically of walking at about average walking pace for about 3/4 of a km then beginning to increase the pace steadily until I feel at a pace my hip can tolerate and that I am still getting workout. Today for example I did another 8ks and my heartrate according to my Fitbit was 103 average and I was fat burning for a total of 1hr 9 minutes of my total 1hour 22 minute workout  and considering the first 10 minutes is warm up then I think I have the formula working pretty well.

Just an observation...I am a recovering nicotine addict and I have been clean since June of 2015. Today whilst out on my walk I came up behind a couple in their late 20's it must have been about 7am and they were strolling along smoking....When I got a face full of their second hand smoke I was surprised as to how offensive it really was. As I walked past them I could smell a hint of perfume coming off the woman but the pervasive smell coming from them both was one of stale tobacco...did I smell like that for most of my life?... I certainly did, I can't imagine that now.

I had some tough moments last week but it was all put into perspective by the wonderful mob of ladies from Susan's whom I was lucky enough to have a skype call with who were all together to Tia and Debi's wedding. Had a lovely time chatting with everyone and even got to say hello to the ladies of the moment. I would have expected to see some sore heads on the Sunday morning as those girls were ready to party. It was so great to meet the people behind the threads that I follow and some I don't. I was so envious of not being able to be there and meet each one of them properly.

I removed myself from social media leaving access to me via messenger, email or telephone so hopefully this will cause no one any problems. I have no doubt that some will be created because of this, I am sure my father will attribute this as some kind of backlash against him and I guess to a very a small extent he is part of the problem but not the entire problem. This pain created by them is going to stop one way or another.

Having another Photography date with Cindi later in the week depending on weather. I have a couple of projects I am working on as well but still waiting on my new lens...hopefully in the next day or so. I set my small light studio up the other day and it seemed to work pretty well giving me a nicely lit area to photograph small objects...just need a lens to do it now LOL. Other than that I have an LGBT group on Saturday if I want to go, A nice bunch of people and I probably will go.


Its just gone 9:15 and I have a heap of chores to do including going to the shops but will be back a bit later to hopefully catch up on everyones threads


Take care

Liz

106D 22hrs 3M BWCA?  ;)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on August 12, 2018, 07:56:06 pm
Hi Liz 🙋‍♀️ Just because you had your fair few of Malt balls, it most likely had nothing to do with your weight loss.  So they are not diet enhancers, just good attitude enhancers.

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on August 12, 2018, 08:12:57 pm
Hi Liz 🙋‍♀️ Just because you had your fair few of Malt balls, it most likely had nothing to do with your weight loss.  So they are not diet enhancers, just good attitude enhancers.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

@Jessica  @LizK
My preferred "attitude enhancer" is usually chocolate but lately I have been craving Licorice.... 
....and today my choice is Licorice Allsorts.... 
I am now in the process of finishing off the entire bag as I read my book this afternoon.
Hugs,
Danielle 
               (https://i.imgur.com/AKO59Fa.jpg)
.
.
.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 12, 2018, 08:18:31 pm
@Jessica  @LizK
My preferred "attitude enhancer" is usually chocolate but lately I have been craving Licorice.... 
....and today my choice is Licorice Allsorts.... 
I am now in the process of finishing off the entire bag as I read my book this afternoon.
Hugs,
Danielle 
       
.
.
.

I don't buy liquorice allsorts anymore because, quite simply for me.... there is no such thing as 1 liquorice allsort

Proud of you girl  ;D

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 12, 2018, 08:24:55 pm
Hi Liz  Just because you had your fair few of Malt balls, it most likely had nothing to do with your weight loss.  So they are not diet enhancers, just good attitude enhancers.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

Really?? (Looks confused more confused) But the correlation between Maltesers and weight loss seems so obvious. The week before I never had any and I had very average weight loss but this week as a supplement to my diet they have surely assisted in the end result. It may not be conventional but I think the empirical data I have provided helps my argument up stands for itself.....Doesn't it ::)  ;D

Taker care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on August 12, 2018, 09:05:22 pm
Really?? (Looks confused more confused) But the correlation between Maltesers and weight loss seems so obvious. The week before I never had any and I had very average weight loss but this week as a supplement to my diet they have surely assisted in the end result. It may not be conventional but I think the empirical data I have provided helps my argument up stands for itself.....Doesn't it ::)  ;D

Taker care

Liz

@LizK
Dear Liz:   
You may be on to something...  I find that if I eat candy it can curb my appetite for real food.   Like today for example...  I had a late lunch....
and I won't have dinner tonight because I have spoiled my appetite because
I have eaten an entire bag of Licorice Allsorts.

I am just figuring and rejoincing about all the calories I am skipping because I am not having dinner.   
Presto.... weight loss !!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on August 12, 2018, 09:24:08 pm
@Alaskan Danielle @LizK

Really?? (Looks confused more confused) But the correlation between Maltesers and weight loss seems so obvious. The week before I never had any and I had very average weight loss but this week as a supplement to my diet they have surely assisted in the end result. It may not be conventional but I think the empirical data I have provided helps my argument up stands for itself.....Doesn't it ::)  ;D

Taker care

Liz

Okay, I think you and Danielle on on to something!
There should be put forth a science backed study, with one group having chocolate and Licorice Allsorts as a diet enhancement and one on a sweets deprived diet.
But that may have tainted results, as the ones without the sweets would most likely need to eat more to counteract the depression caused from the lack of joy in life.
For without chocolate (and Licorice Allsorts) where is the joy??

I volunteer for the chocolate group!

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on August 13, 2018, 12:24:08 am
I’m nearly done with my first course
(This is world class salt water taffy)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180813/b9db20248a8c08e7f9a0526fc10db3ea.jpg)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 13, 2018, 12:52:36 am
CHOCOLATE!!!!! Who said chocolate?
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 14, 2018, 05:20:05 am
Oh wow was it ever cold this morning..brrrr about 46 F or 8 C...I got out there and managed 7 ks and not that happy about it either to start off with...once I was warmed up I was fine.


Got a call from the Voice surgeons rooms today asking if I wanted an appointment for 2 weeks from now(originally told 3 months wait). I went ahead and have the consult on the 29th of this month where I assume we will discuss the procedure. I know very little about it other than for he will use a laser to shorten the vocal cords. I have been trying to train my voice on and off  for about a year but my top vocal point that I can obtain without strain or cracking is about 220, My voice therapist suggested I need to move that pitch by about 50 points to make it sound comfortably female. I have noticed that on the rare occasions I do get my voice right people are usually happy to go with my gender despite having some obvious tells. When in public I don't ever say much which is counter productive so I need to change this...and I will.

My New Lens turned up late today so will spend tomorrow learning how to use it. I am having a meetup with Cindi over the next couple of days. I have a couple of projects I want to work on as well. It could be awhile before I take anything I think is worth showing anyone so don't hold your breath!

I had been trying to decide which 2 of 3 things am I going to have done

Voice Surgery
Boob Surgery
Hair  Surgery

I am pretty sure I can 2 of those three so the question is which two...they all cause me GD the least being the hair(its still pretty good) I think I am leaning toward voice and boobs but if I can get my private health insurance to cover the voice then maybe I can have all three  ;D That is the plan I am trying to work to. 

More to come....


Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: AnonyMs on August 14, 2018, 06:06:51 am
If you get BA don't forget you probably need to replace them after 10+ years. Fat transfer is permanent, but limited in size.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 14, 2018, 06:42:39 am
Boob's maketh the woman 😉
What size you going for double f, S?
I'm very interested  in your voice surgery   .....anyway I hope you get all three 😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 16, 2018, 05:31:29 pm
If you get BA don't forget you probably need to replace them after 10+ years. Fat transfer is permanent, but limited in size.

Ok never ever thought about that...it will be problematic. I highly doubt I will have a spare 10k in the next 10 years to replace my worn out boobs...hmmm going to have to give that some more thought...I think it would be devastating to have had them for so long and then to find you were unable to replace them when needed...I can imagine it will play havoc with your self esteem.

I got your other link you sent, thank you...the more I read the more confident I am. My only comment is that this is the first time I have read where someone says their pain wasn't dealt with properly. The woman also had a history of "under medicating" which is as harmful as "over medicating"

Boob's maketh the woman 😉
What size you going for double f, S?
I'm very interested  in your voice surgery   .....anyway I hope you get all three 😊

I am narrowing down what I want but much of it depends on cost. I have to admit I think I would rather spend the money on Hair and Voice which are both, in part, sources for my GD. My voice is the big one next to GCS for me. I will keep you up to date as things progress.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on August 16, 2018, 06:18:09 pm
Oh wow was it ever cold this morning..brrrr about 46 F or 8 C...I got out there and managed 7 ks and not that happy about it either to start off with...once I was warmed up I was fine.


Got a call from the Voice surgeons rooms today asking if I wanted an appointment for 2 weeks from now(originally told 3 months wait). I went ahead and have the consult on the 29th of this month where I assume we will discuss the procedure. I know very little about it other than for he will use a laser to shorten the vocal cords. I have been trying to train my voice on and off  for about a year but my top vocal point that I can obtain without strain or cracking is about 220, My voice therapist suggested I need to move that pitch by about 50 points to make it sound comfortably female. I have noticed that on the rare occasions I do get my voice right people are usually happy to go with my gender despite having some obvious tells. When in public I don't ever say much which is counter productive so I need to change this...and I will.

My New Lens turned up late today so will spend tomorrow learning how to use it. I am having a meetup with Cindi over the next couple of days. I have a couple of projects I want to work on as well. It could be awhile before I take anything I think is worth showing anyone so don't hold your breath!

I had been trying to decide which 2 of 3 things am I going to have done

Voice Surgery
Boob Surgery
Hair  Surgery

I am pretty sure I can 2 of those three so the question is which two...they all cause me GD the least being the hair(its still pretty good) I think I am leaning toward voice and boobs but if I can get my private health insurance to cover the voice then maybe I can have all three  ;D That is the plan I am trying to work to. 

More to come....


Liz

If you do just two, make one the voice!  That is the the tell that is the hardest to conceal, and I think quite important to create a better picture of who you are, along with the confidence gained!

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 16, 2018, 06:58:31 pm
Been walking each Morning this week although this morning was particularly unpleasant due to it being about 5c or 41F and overcast. I also had a terrible night with my hip complaining the whole night, giving me at best a few hours of broken sleep. I dragged my sorry backside out into the cold and pushed myself though 6ks. By the end of it I had pushed to far and too hard when I should have taken it a bit easier...oh well such is life. I am home warm and happy in the knowledge I made it.

Had a fairly quiet week with no appointments due until next week where I have a number leading into the last 2 weeks of the month. I Kick off with prep for the replacement of my Drug pump on Wednesday. That should be fairly straight forward but this is medicine so anything can and will happen. At worst I should have a headache for 24 hrs and be back walking again within 4-5 days so in effect by the following week things should be pretty much back to normal and I can resume my fitness regime for November.

I can feel a change coming over me in regards my GCS. It has been for so long just a "pipe dream" and I have had some difficulty getting my head around the reality that this is actually going to happen. After a lifetime of secret wishes, years and years of thinking about it in terms of "fantasy/dream/impossibility" it is now a reality. This "thing" I have wanted all my life is suddenly approaching at break neck speed and for a long time I think I was like a rabbit caught in the glare of headlights. I have to push past the strangeness of this reality and make sure I am prepared both physically and mentally. I have to change my mindset from "Gee I wish   could...." to the reality, this is no longer some abstract thought but the culmination of  a lifelong search to be who I am.

When I think about GCS I have no feelings of "should I" or "shouldn't I" these were put to bed, now after many months of beating myself up thanks to @Happy Moni, @Cindi @Laurie @Dena @Michelle_P, @Anne Blake @Mariah @Kendra @Drexy/Drex @Jessica @davina61 @jayne01 @alaskan danielle.... just to name a few of the many people who helped me answer this question for myself over the last couple of years. If I have missed anyone then I apologise....there were so many of you that helped me as I struggled. Each and every one of you have played an integral part in my final decision to go ahead. It  is no longer a question for me. I have far more concerns about the initial 24-48 hrs post surgery than of any other part. With my secondary conditions this could be very unpleasant.

I could not say that I was excited to have surgery, certainly I am excited about the result but not the surgery nor the recovery. I would like to skip over that bit...I am a bit of a woos, I hate hospitals and am a bad patient...or I was... I don't know what it is about hospitals but they used to bring out the worst in me. Being an x nurse didn't help.  ;) But I am committed to changing this. I am a much different person than I was last time I was in hospital ( just as well) so I think I will manage.


Will update again on Monday after the weekly weigh in

Take care
Liz

102D 22H 13M BWCA?  :laugh:
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 16, 2018, 07:04:52 pm
If you do just two, make one the voice!  That is the the tell that is the hardest to conceal, and I think quite important to create a better picture of who you are, along with the confidence gained!

Hugs and smiles, Jess

I am very keen on the voice, The guy I am seeing is very, very, experienced and is on call for any of the big name singers who come to Australia. He is passionate and compassionate about helping the Trans community and his expertise in the larynx is second to none, I have been told, I don't think I could not be in better hands.

I agree with your summation and to be honest after @AnonyMs point about them needing replacing after 10 years has really put me off. I doubt I would have the money then which could lead to all sorts of issues. I am still thinking about it but at this stage voice has hit the top of the list.


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on August 16, 2018, 09:01:43 pm
If you get BA don't forget you probably need to replace them after 10+ years. Fat transfer is permanent, but limited in size.

This is a valid concern, but the upside is technology and experience with materials has improved over time.  The pair I had installed last month include a lifetime warranty against rupture and other issues.  I’m under the impression a decade is a minimum and they might last much longer than that.

But more important, Liz you’re relentlessly continuing exercise and good habits as you aim for your goals.  I am sorry to hear your hip hurts.  Its possible with continued weight loss your hip might improve.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 17, 2018, 05:36:39 am
Yes the voice is the most important  .....for me it is like the holy  grail  ,
Wow its all happening  for you.... So pleased.... 😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 18, 2018, 08:28:05 am
Hi Liz,

Thank you for the honest report of your feelings leading up to your surgery. For those of us, such as myself, where GCS is still a “maybe in the future” thing, your posts give plenty to think about.

I also love your determination to achieve the goals you set for yourself. Whether it be working towards a weight loss goal or “beating yourself up” (as you put it) trying to decide what is right for you regarding GCS, you put in the hard work to get the results you desire.

Looking forward to more of your updates.

Hugs,
Jayne


Been walking each Morning this week although this morning was particularly unpleasant due to it being about 5c or 41F and overcast. I also had a terrible night with my hip complaining the whole night, giving me at best a few hours of broken sleep. I dragged my sorry backside out into the cold and pushed myself though 6ks. By the end of it I had pushed to far and too hard when I should have taken it a bit easier...oh well such is life. I am home warm and happy in the knowledge I made it.

Had a fairly quiet week with no appointments due until next week where I have a number leading into the last 2 weeks of the month. I Kick off with prep for the replacement of my Drug pump on Wednesday. That should be fairly straight forward but this is medicine so anything can and will happen. At worst I should have a headache for 24 hrs and be back walking again within 4-5 days so in effect by the following week things should be pretty much back to normal and I can resume my fitness regime for November.

I can feel a change coming over me in regards my GCS. It has been for so long just a "pipe dream" and I have had some difficulty getting my head around the reality that this is actually going to happen. After a lifetime of secret wishes, years and years of thinking about it in terms of "fantasy/dream/impossibility" it is now a reality. This "thing" I have wanted all my life is suddenly approaching at break neck speed and for a long time I think I was like a rabbit caught in the glare of headlights. I have to push past the strangeness of this reality and make sure I am prepared both physically and mentally. I have to change my mindset from "Gee I wish   could...." to the reality, this is no longer some abstract thought but the culmination of  a lifelong search to be who I am.

When I think about GCS I have no feelings of "should I" or "shouldn't I" these were put to bed, now after many months of beating myself up thanks to @Happy Moni, @Cindi @Laurie @Dena @Michelle_P, @Anne Blake @Mariah @Kendra @Drexy/Drex @Jessica @davina61 @jayne01 @alaskan danielle.... just to name a few of the many people who helped me answer this question for myself over the last couple of years. If I have missed anyone then I apologise....there were so many of you that helped me as I struggled. Each and every one of you have played an integral part in my final decision to go ahead. It  is no longer a question for me. I have far more concerns about the initial 24-48 hrs post surgery than of any other part. With my secondary conditions this could be very unpleasant.

I could not say that I was excited to have surgery, certainly I am excited about the result but not the surgery nor the recovery. I would like to skip over that bit...I am a bit of a woos, I hate hospitals and am a bad patient...or I was... I don't know what it is about hospitals but they used to bring out the worst in me. Being an x nurse didn't help.  ;) But I am committed to changing this. I am a much different person than I was last time I was in hospital ( just as well) so I think I will manage.


Will update again on Monday after the weekly weigh in

Take care
Liz

102D 22H 13M BWCA?  :laugh:
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 19, 2018, 01:46:11 am
Liz, love the new profile pic. You look fantastic! Your fitness plan is working very well for you.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 19, 2018, 05:11:27 am
Hi Liz,

Thank you for the honest report of your feelings leading up to your surgery. For those of us, such as myself, where GCS is still a “maybe in the future” thing, your posts give plenty to think about.

I also love your determination to achieve the goals you set for yourself. Whether it be working towards a weight loss goal or “beating yourself up” (as you put it) trying to decide what is right for you regarding GCS, you put in the hard work to get the results you desire.

Looking forward to more of your updates.

Hugs,
Jayne



Hi Jayne

I really meant what I said about the people I named...each and every one of them has said something to me at some point that had an impact on me arriving at that decision. It may not have been anything directly said about GCS but maybe something was clarified for me or an idea took hold for exploring another part of myself. It s amazing how the strangest things put you unexpectedly on a path to the next place in your life. In my case it was trying to remember the number of times through out my life I had wished I was born a girl or that feeling was so intense to make me want to scream in frustration.

When we had a birthday in our house we got a birthday cake with candles to blow out with the tradition being you got to make a wish when you blew out the candles and then again when you cut the first piece of cake....I wished to be a girl every year from about the age of 7 till about 16 then sporadically from then on...that doesn't take into consideration  the number of times when I could not stand it any longer and I would cry in frustration about the feelings I had. These memories in part helped cement that decision for me. I speak only for me...this surgery is right for me and something I have thought about and wanted all my life, I just never believed it could happen.

After wracking my memory for weeks and weeks I never did stop remembering instances where I made that exact wish. Many of the memories did not involve much in the way of details so it was just about impossible to put a number on. What I did know is that from about the age of 6 or 7 it was a common theme with me....many of my day dreams involved how I could be the girl I was...maybe a disaster scenario, a flood or a serious disease that would trake every one out and leave me alone in the world to a girl.


Eventually I gave up trying to quantify it as there were just too many memories of me wishing it to happen. This surgery is something I have wanted all my life and once I recognised that then I understood this opportunity cannot be let slip as I may never get another. At some point I had to say Yes or No...in my case I have always wanted this and a few short term fears won't stand in the way of the goal. I wanted to do it for me and how it will make me feel. It won't impoact anyone else apart from me.


Liz, love the new profile pic. You look fantastic! Your fitness plan is working very well for you.

Hugs,
Jayne

When I saw this recent pic today flicking though my photo's I so delighted as I could clearly see "her" and not "him" for a chnage which prompted me to put it up in the first place!!


Take care

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 19, 2018, 05:26:10 am
Liz, I am so happy for you. Your lifelong dreams and wishes will soon become a complete reality, but the GCS will just be the finishing touches. You already are the girl you always knew yourself to be. I am also very happy for you seeing “her” in the photo. Your really do look amazing and above all, happy!

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Faith on August 19, 2018, 05:55:00 am

When I saw this recent pic today flicking though my photo's I so delighted as I could clearly see "her" and not "him" for a chnage which prompted me to put it up in the first place!!

Take care

Liz

LIZ!!  Awesome photo. I'm glad to be able to 'see' you again after such a long time, so long I can't remember when the last photo was (but I do have CRS so ... )

You're looking great. I have seen her in a previous photo, I'm glad for you that you can see her in this one ... I hate repeating what Jayne said but it's true. And, at least I said it with a proper accent, not that weird one.  :D It's great to be meeting your goals and doing it with a smile.

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 19, 2018, 07:41:45 am
Marvelous Liz.... You have such good taste
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 19, 2018, 10:40:09 am
Nice photo Liz. You're looking fine.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 19, 2018, 05:32:08 pm
Thank you all ladies for the kind replies...I was happy with this photo and its weird because when taking it I never took a lot of notice...then looking through my photos after cleaning up my phone I spotted it. I actually like this photo of me and that is something you never normally hear me say... Thank you all @JudiblueEyes @Drexy/Drex @Faith @Jayne01 for the kind words....I don't know if you will each get a "mention" on your page as I can't tell if using the @ symbol actually works...can you let me know if you received a "mention" for this post? Is there something I need to turn on in settings to make it work?


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 19, 2018, 06:11:24 pm
Thank you all ladies for the kind replies...I was happy with this photo and its weird because when taking it I never took a lot of notice...then looking through my photos after cleaning up my phone I spotted it. I actually like this photo of me and that is something you never normally hear me say... Thank you all @JudiblueEyes @Drexy/Drex @Faith @Jayne01 for the kind words....I don't know if you will each get a "mention" on your page as I can't tell if using the @ symbol actually works...can you let me know if you received a "mention" for this post? Is there something I need to turn on in settings to make it work?


Take care

Liz
Hi Liz,

I received a notification on my phone from tapatalk saying that you mentioned me in a post, but the @“usernames” you mentioned showed up as normal text, not a blue link as they normally do. I had a look on my profile page through the website but didn’t see the mention appear in there. It seems only the ones that appear in blue as links show up. I use tapatalk almost always, so I often don’t see some of the extra features available in the web version of Susan’s. Not sure what settings there might be. It might have something to do with the browser you are using. Others may know more about it than I do.

I appreciate your mention nonetheless. Btw, I didn’t see your countdown. I like the abbreviated countdown you used in a recent post.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on August 19, 2018, 06:29:23 pm
Liz,

Lovely photo, you look really good and a happiness is shining through, and glad you see her.

I can totally relate to your reasons for wanting GCS, your reasons are unique to you but I think many of us share the same lifelong experience of wishing to be a girl.

Thank you for sharing,  hugs

Nicole
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 20, 2018, 01:11:40 am
Hi Liz,

I received a notification on my phone from tapatalk saying that you mentioned me in a post, but the @“usernames” you mentioned showed up as normal text, not a blue link as they normally do. I had a look on my profile page through the website but didn’t see the mention appear in there. It seems only the ones that appear in blue as links show up. I use tapatalk almost always, so I often don’t see some of the extra features available in the web version of Susan’s. Not sure what settings there might be. It might have something to do with the browser you are using. Others may know more about it than I do.

I appreciate your mention nonetheless. Btw, I didn’t see your countdown. I like the abbreviated countdown you used in a recent post.

Hugs,
Jayne

Hi Jayne

Yes I have noticed over the last day or so that my mentions are no longer working and I am not sure why. I have PM'd Cindy asking her if there is anything I need to do to fix this. Will have to wait and see. I used to be able to use the @ sign to bring up a list of the user names but for some reason that is not working either I suspect its all one in the same issue. Thanks for letting me know as I was not entirely sure if they were working or not and now I know they are not, thanks, you have saved me from having to test it further.

Take care Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 20, 2018, 01:19:25 am
Liz,

Lovely photo, you look really good and a happiness is shining through, and glad you see her.

I can totally relate to your reasons for wanting GCS, your reasons are unique to you but I think many of us share the same lifelong experience of wishing to be a girl.

Thank you for sharing,  hugs

Nicole

Thank you Nicole  I appreciate the kind words. I am not so sure my reasons are unique in any way other than they are mine. I think you are right many of us have travelled a similar paths. I think its important to find your own peace with your decision no matter whether you even choose surgery or not.

Take care

Liz 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on August 20, 2018, 01:26:24 am
I'm trying to find out what's going on
@LizK
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 20, 2018, 02:04:45 am
@Cindy

I am logged back in Ok  but not sure about the mentions? I added one to this for you
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 20, 2018, 02:35:56 am
Monday Morning Update

5c or 41F this morning BRRRRRRRRRRR I was not keen on walking but after I got a caffeine fix I tentatively ventured out.  Lets just say the first 1k was a little “bracing” but once through the early warm up I was soon burning the fat for the next 5ks to make a total of 6ks  ;D

Home through the shower and after some weirdness from the scales my weight was 93.8kg making a loss of 300Grams or ½ pound. I was not convinced that it was accurate. I suspect that last weeks big loss was more moderate than I realised and should have checked the number but the number is what I wanted to see so I never bothered. I suspect that it weighed me light. I am happy that I have the correct weight now but will double check all weights from now on to see if I can ensure a more accurate weigh in.  A loss is a loss and I will accept that as a win.
Had a very busy day doing housework and shopping and all that boring life stuff.

I only have one more walk day this week, as after Wednesday’s procedure I will have a small suture line to take care of for a few days along with a sore head to fix…My Dr will prescribe Chocolate and Coffee to help alleviate the symptoms…so not all bad by any means. ;D


...... Btw, I didn’t see your countdown. I like the abbreviated countdown you used in a recent post.

You don't miss a trick do you Jayne. You are Right I have left it off because...Drum Roll... I am now Sub 100 days in fact the numbers look a little bit like this
99D 13H 35M BWCA?
Yes I was holding out on you ...just a little bit  :laugh:...I am 10 Days away from being asked to pay in full for the surgery, its another locking in and cementing of plans. It makes me smile as I begin to have the first feeling of what I think might even be genuine excitement...this is not a sensation I have experienced for many years but one I think I might just enjoy!!

That is about it for today....will post again after Wednesday's procedure.

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on August 20, 2018, 02:46:10 am

Does this mean that I have a choice on Wednesday for our photography shoot?

Will it be me hunting spiders or taking pictures of Liz being 'procedured'?

Well what shall I decide??
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 22, 2018, 05:22:11 pm
So I started this post at 3:15 this morning but even though I was wide awake, I was not wide awake enough to prevent from doing this (https://i.imgur.com/jtli5Pd.jpg) and waking up with letters imprinted on your face LOL.


The procedure went well yesterday and I escaped with only a mild headache and minor discomfort from the suture line. This morning the pain is even more minimal than yesterday.

The Good....Most people treated me absolutely fine with the exception of a couple. The anaesthetist was a lovely man and was very pleasant to me. The theatre was huge, clean and full of lots of machines that go "ping" I think Monty python said it best
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arCITMfxvEc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arCITMfxvEc).
I had minimal spinal headache...in fact I was not even certain it was from that. I was kept very comfortable throughout and a lot of care taken to ensure I position correctly on the table for maximum comfort. The nurses in recovery were really nice, very pleasant and totally professional with me. I was a good patient (I am usually a bad one) and complied with each of their requests...some of which were a little silly but who am I to question!!


The Bad....they had real difficulty finding a vein to insert the Jelco, they rang me the day before to tell me I had to be there at 7am and the woman seemed quite "off" with me when I told her what I had already been told by my Nurses from the PMC. I was expecting Dr Tran, Karen(NUM) and a scrub nurse to be present for the procedure...intead there were over 30 people all there to observe my pump changeover...I did suggest that I should have charged and admission fee but somehow I think the humour was lost on them. I had been asked 4 times prior to getting to the theatre if I have any allergies to which I advised was Paper based tapes, each an every one of them duly noted their paperwork. When I was standing waiting to get up on to the operating table my normal pain management nurse came over and said hullo to me and I quipped with her that we should be fine so long as they keep "those" tapes away from me this time. My Nurse exclaimed something like" Oh hell no, we don't want to got through all that again"
The anaesthetist happened to overhear my comment and asked what the problem was I said the last time they used that paper tape it cost a $20,000 pump because it became infected, my nurse who had to deal with the aftermath last time, pipes up saying "Do not put paper based tapes on her" and the scramble began to find an alternative. It really makes you wonder why they bother asking you all the questions if they are not going to take any notice of the answers


The Ugly...As I described, the woman who called me the day before seemed a bit off with me and became even more irritated when I asked a couple of simple questions about parking etc. When I was called in to be admitted the very next morning the woman was also slightly off with me and I couldn't work out why. As I sat there I saw my case notes sitting there and in big bold black texter was my old name with a simple short line through the Christian name leaving it very visible and Elizabeth written under it. Every person that picked up that file or even glanced at it could see the obvious name change from male to female. The woman I was dealing with was abrupt, verging on rude. She took me out of her office and sat me in the waiting room to be taken through to day surgery. The female orderly comes out with a big smile on her face calls my name and as I stand up she looks at me then down at the case notes and the smile is immediacy replaced with a scowl...she then proceed to walk off not so much as bothering to look back to see if I am following her...I walk with a stick so it can take a bit for me to get up to speed. You can well imagine how dysphoric I was feeling. I think what angers me is that it is such an easy thing to fix so I think I will have to write to the Hospital and ask them to fix this. I am not sure why my old name matters at all but even if they are keeping a record it can be kept inside the folder. I want this fixed before I have my hip replacement.


Despite all that I was still asked when my last period was and if I could be pregnant...so go figure!!! LOL ;D

On the whole the Dr's and nurses were great with the exception of a couple of them. The procedure went forward without a hitch. I am apparently the "poster girl" for these pumps due to the remarkable results I have had from it so as a result a number of the Medtronic Reps from around Australia were there to examine my old pump and see the "Miracle recovery" Hence the reason for the size of the theatre and the number of people.

So I have to take it easy for at least 24 hrs with no walking until tomorrow(boohoo) the rest will do me good. I have my Daughter coming over to watch "It" with me today and then Cindy is dropping over for a visit tomorrow. I had the riot act read to me today about taking it easy. I am under threat of physical harm from Meryl If I don't she has already txt me once to make sure I am doing nothing but resting...

So that is Proceedure number 1 of 4 completed only
97d 23H 13m (BWCA?) til the next one

Take Care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Nicole70 on August 22, 2018, 05:33:13 pm
Good news that you have got through operation 1 Liz and are recovering, not so good that some didn’t treat you with respect, most unprofessional and especially from medical staff.

Hope your recovery continues well.

Hugs

Nicole
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on August 22, 2018, 05:35:51 pm
Congratulations Liz 🌸🌸🌸  one down, 3 months to go till the next! 
It’s happening Liz, and I love how they asked if you could be pregnant!

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Cindy on August 22, 2018, 05:37:20 pm
Hi Liz,

A complaint to the Patient advocate at FMC is called for. I'm in there today and will get the details. There is no excuse for that behaviour and the case notes disgrace.

See you Friday.

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 22, 2018, 07:54:33 pm
Hi Liz,

I’m so glad the pump replacement procedure went well for you. The interaction with the rude staff was unfortunate. I’m sorry you had to endure that kind of treatment from people that should know better.

I hope you are following the Dr advice with recovery chocolate and coffee. Perhaps more chocolate and less coffee.

Your countdown is really starting to look good now. I am also feeling excitement for you. The countdown will reach “0” before you know it.

Rest well and recover and then get back into your fitness routine, but only after you are recovered.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jessica on August 22, 2018, 08:04:40 pm
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180823/f6932ababda2ac4e1fa8330a837c1807.jpg)

Liz, where do you want next months diet supplement?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 22, 2018, 08:30:36 pm
Rest well Liz.  You're well under 100 days and getting closer for the big one.   I would listen to Cindy about voicing your concern.
Judi
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 23, 2018, 01:19:08 am
Good news that you have got through operation 1 Liz and are recovering, not so good that some didn’t treat you with respect, most unprofessional and especially from medical staff.

Hope your recovery continues well.

Hugs

Nicole

@Nicole

Hi Nicole
Thanks for the kind words....been a little slow on my feet as you would expect!!

Congratulations Liz  one down, 3 months to go till the next! 
It’s happening Liz, and I love how they asked if you could be pregnant!

Hugs and smiles, Jess

I know classic stuff after all I said about the name thing. It happened just before I wen through to have the procedure and up until then I had been upset but that put a smile On my face...it was a bit weird but still fun!!


Hi Liz,

A complaint to the Patient advocate at FMC is called for. I'm in there today and will get the details. There is no excuse for that behaviour and the case notes disgrace.
See you Friday.

I agree and unfortunately it spoiled what was otherwise a really good experience. I will definitely be following up on this so will chat Friday about how to fix this.


Hi Liz,

I’m so glad the pump replacement procedure went well for you. The interaction with the rude staff was unfortunate. I’m sorry you had to endure that kind of treatment from people that should know better.

I hope you are following the Dr advice with recovery chocolate and coffee. Perhaps more chocolate and less coffee.


Your countdown is really starting to look good now. I am also feeling excitement for you. The countdown will reach “0” before you know it.

Rest well and recover and then get back into your fitness routine, but only after you are recovered.

Hugs,
Jayne

Thanks Jayne

Rude staff (Shrug) what can you do...i will get my case notes fixed. I am behaving and have taken  "a few hits for the team" and eaten some chocolate  with a bit more to come no doubt. Tomorrow I will walk the mutt which is usually about a KM and that will be the start of my reintroducing exercise I expect to be back to 7-8 ks by next week

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180823/f6932ababda2ac4e1fa8330a837c1807.jpg)

Liz, where do you want next months diet supplement?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks Jess just let me move my snack for tonight

(https://i.imgur.com/JCzeJta.jpg)

Then you can put the rest in my pantry (https://i.imgur.com/z3ojg3m.jpg) if there is any room  ;D

I really was getting low....you know how well they work as diet supplements after all LOL


Rest well Liz.  You're well under 100 days and getting closer for the big one.   I would listen to Cindy about voicing your concern.
Judi

Hi Judi yes I agree with you it is not an acceptable situation and I will need ti sorted before my hip replacement.

Under 100 days and I can feel the excitement building and I just want it to be here now. I still have a few things left to organise but its mainly just details.


Thank you all for you kind words and advice

The case notes situation was not ideal however the medical staff all treated me very well despite  the case notes. The three people who were "off" with me were support staff and I wanted to make that distinction.  All the medical staff were nothing but professional. I don't actually think this should be a difficult issue to get sorted and I am sure Cindy knows enough about that particular hospital to point me in the right direction.

I have had a very quiet day with only mild discomfort. My daughter came over bearing gifts of chocolate and two brand new DVD's Jack Reacher and The Dark Tower.

Resting up for the rest of the day with hopefully a little more energy tomorrow.

For those of you playing along at home 96D15H5MBWCA?

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on August 23, 2018, 02:12:13 pm
@LizK
Dear Liz: 
Your updates lately have been most informational and some are so much fun to read, especially all of the "candy" comments and pictures being posted.

I am so glad that you are on the mend and that things are going well for you even if your are still moving slowly ... so sorry to hear of the "unprofessional and disrespectful" medical staff...  in most cases, the medical community doesn't do those types of things improperly....   but at least the procedures are completed.

So, what is next, you are going to announce that you are pregnant???   LOL   ;) :)

Again, it was a joy for me to see all the activity, comments, and candy pictures on your thread lately.

Thank you for sharing so freely with all of us.

Hugs and as always, my best wishes for you.
Danielle
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 23, 2018, 03:39:27 pm
Hi Danielle

This is my third attempt to write this post. Twice our delightful board has refreshed on me causing the loss of two extensive replies. maybe thirds time is a the treat  :D

Over the last couple of years I have really battled with the issues surrounding my family which caused me to crawl under that blanket of depression and withdraw. About 6 months ago I managed to drag myself out from under that and begin to engage again with the world.

As I have progressed through my transition I have learned so much about myself and I guess also about human nature in general. I also don't take myself as seriously as I used to and tend to laugh a lot more than I did, I certainly seem to have more joy and happiness in my life.

I am starting to take the focus away from "everything transition" and making room for other things in my life. But as I am a sure you can relate too when you spend most of your life suppressing your true nature it takes awhile to sort out what you actual do like and now what you are supposed to like. 

Now that I am able to blend in a bit better its not quite as difficult as it used to be to just get on with life. I don't tend to even think about that anymore when for a long time it took a lot of my focus. The next few months are going to be full of the recovery from surgery in prep for more surgery. Hence my fitness stuff and weightless. Which I might add has made me feel pretty fell pretty good about myself.  :laugh:

What happened at the hospital was unfortunate and may never have happened in the first place had my old name not been all over the front of my case notes. I will be speaking to Cindy today and I think she will be able to help me nut out who can fix this for the future. I have to say the Dr's and Nurses were very professional...the support staff...not so much.                                                                                   

Thank you for you posts and following along on my somewhat rambling thread  ;)

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 26, 2018, 08:08:01 am
I'm glad you are doing so well....pissed about those boneheads at the hospital .....though
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on August 26, 2018, 08:50:11 am
@LizK
Dear Liz:
Thank you for your 3rd effort to write a reply post on your own thread!!!   I know that is so very frustrating to compose a lengthy and detailed comment and just about the time that you hit the send button.... it all disappears...

I have learned, particularly on long replies to "copy" it at least half way through so I don't lose the entire thing when the worst happens.

Yes, I am glad to see that you are at the point of your transition journey when FINALLY you are not totally consumed with everything that relates to transition and that you can start dealing with living your life and paying attention to other areas that have been neglected in your everyday life.

For sure, put the hospital bad experience behind you...  there will always be unpleasant moments that will try to pull you down but the important thing is to move on and get on with what is enjoyable and pleasant to you.   Hang around those that fully accept you and be involved in encouraging life endeavors.

Yes indeed, the road ahead for you will be continuing recovery and getting back in shape for more surgery procedures....    and in the process you are getting in better shape physically and with your weight .... and naturally you will indeed feel better, and feel better about yourself.   

In spite of all that is going on I am so glad that you are staying positive and optimistic about your future as you continue toward your goals.

And in responsive to you very last sentence  ....   don't worry about your "somewhat rambling thread" .... what you are chronicling are your life events, by definition life events are indeed "rambling"...
Your followers are enjoying reading about your journey and we are always ready to lend an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on.

Thanks for letting us into your life ....
Best wishes and HUGS,
Danielle



 
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 26, 2018, 10:05:07 pm
"I am starting to take the focus away from "everything transition" and making room for other things in my life. But as I am a sure you can relate too when you spend most of your life suppressing your true nature it takes awhile to sort out what you actual do like and now what you are supposed to like."

Liz this is a good sign.  You are certainly making progress.  We all need to make room in life for things we love.  We have all seen this in you recently.  Wonderful!
Judi
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Stevi on August 27, 2018, 07:56:50 am
Liz,

As I was catching up on your thread I thought to myself that it is so heartening to see the transformation I have seen.  I am so glad you are seeing it and fee!ing it yourself.

Stevi
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 27, 2018, 08:54:51 am
I'm glad you are doing so well....pissed about those boneheads at the hospital .....though

Yeah not a great outcome...it is also a long way from over. I don't wan t this to happen to anyone else so I am taking steps to ensure it doesn't.


Liz,

As I was catching up on your thread I thought to myself that it is so heartening to see the transformation I have seen.  I am so glad you are seeing it and fee!ing it yourself.

Stevi


Thank you Stevi yes i am feeling much better these days. The crap with my family had set me back a bit but i am slowly rebounding...thank you for your kind thoughts


"I am starting to take the focus away from "everything transition" and making room for other things in my life. But as I am a sure you can relate too when you spend most of your life suppressing your true nature it takes awhile to sort out what you actual do like and now what you are supposed to like."

Liz this is a good sign.  You are certainly making progress.  We all need to make room in life for things we love.  We have all seen this in you recently.  Wonderful!
Judi

Hi Judi I think for me my life had become so consumed with Transition that it has become easy to lose sight of the goal...and the good part is that I have made huge inroads into obtaing that goal...there is still a little way to go but all in good time as they say...all in good time


@LizK
......
For sure, put the hospital bad experience behind you...  there will always be unpleasant moments that will try to pull you down but the important thing is to move on and get on with what is enjoyable and pleasant to you.   Hang around those that fully accept you and be involved in encouraging life endeavors.

Thanks for letting us into your life ....
Best wishes and HUGS,
Danielle

@Alaskan Danielle

My philosophy has been "Pick your battles" and in this case this is a battle I am going to pick and also win. Yes it is going to be hard having to go over the situation a number times and remember how difficult it was but if at the end of it all I am able to help prevent another person from experiencing the kind of total humiliation that I experienced then in my eyes it is a worthwhile battle. 

Thanks for your thoughts on the situation I have certainly taken them into consideration and I hope you will continue to post in this thread because I really do appreciate your well thought out constructive posts. They quite often put a smile on my face or make me think a little harder about things.... which in most cases is a good thing. :D


Thank you all for the support it is always appreciated.

Liz

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 27, 2018, 07:19:01 pm
Monday morning update on Tuesday  ;)


Yesterday was full of Dr's and hospitals all of which has ended pretty well. My GP didn't sling me out the door for quitting on the diabetic meds and understood why I had ceased them and has even agreed, to me staying off them until next bloods in 4 weeks but she is predicting I will have to go back on them and I am predicting that the blood tests will bear out my claim  that I am not diabetic... never have been, nothing changed except  they way they measured my blood results anyway I have 2 weeks of BSL readings with nothing over 6.3 so we shall see at the end of the month.

Today I returned for my first walk in a week and completed 6ks in a reasonable time and pace. I weighed myself 3 times to ensure it was accurate and came in at 94.4 which is a 600 gram gain I have to be realistic here considering I did nothing for nearly 5 days straight, the out come was pretty good I thought. I have no doubt that by next weigh in I will easily have lost that and  hopefully be a little closer to my secondary 90kg goal.

I have a voice surgeons appointment tomorrow and will be really interested to see what if anything he is able to do for me...if my therapist is right he may well be able to move my pitch to a place where it "becomes" my voice and is not something I need to think about. I will do a write up after seeing him first thing tomorrow morning. The rest of my day is full of the boring stuff called housework!!! Hope everyone has a great day...until tomorrow.

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on August 28, 2018, 07:09:18 am
Hi Liz,

Well done getting back into your walking. It’s good to see you have not lost determination after taking a short break following your surgery. I have no doubt that you will achieve your weight goal prior to your next surgery.

I am a little confused with your diabetic situation. Did the doctors tell you that you have diabetes when you don’t and then put you on medication for it? Wouldn’t that cause problems?

Good luck with the voice surgeon appointment tomorrow. Hope you get some encouraging news. I’m looking forward to reading what he is able to do for you.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 28, 2018, 07:57:19 am
Hi Liz good on you for making  that a project .....you know that little gain  maybe muscle after all those walks would be building up your legs....it  can be confusing unless you have scales that measure your water content , bone density and fat ....or you can
can always get a baseline dexa scan and work from that .... anyway you are doing well ....  Courage in spades👍😁 you go girl 😊
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 29, 2018, 03:51:57 am
Hi Liz,

Well done getting back into your walking. It’s good to see you have not lost determination after taking a short break following your surgery. I have no doubt that you will achieve your weight goal prior to your next surgery.

I am a little confused with your diabetic situation. Did the doctors tell you that you have diabetes when you don’t and then put you on medication for it? Wouldn’t that cause problems?

Good luck with the voice surgeon appointment tomorrow. Hope you get some encouraging news. I’m looking forward to reading what he is able to do for you.

Hugs,
Jayne

Hi Jayne

Thank you for your post I will be making a post about the Voice Surgery after this one.

Back to your question about the Diabetes. I have physical damage to the outside of my pancreas which gives me chronic pain however I was very lucky that my panc works at all considering what I did to it. Anyway bottom line is that it works fine. What has changed though was that when I had the occasional HBA1C diabetic test done it would range somewhere between 6.8 - 7.1 but never 2 readings in a row 7 over.  It is expected that it should not be any higher than 7 so one of my Dr's asked if I would look at taking a preventative dose of metformin just to help the organ cope and thinking heck its for my own health why not .... a little bit will help with weight loss as well. I agree and discuss it with my GP and I take a very small dose. Over the next 2 months my Dr increases this to the level of a normal diabetic and I am feeling really unwell.

I say to her that I don't understand why the dose is so high etc etc and she tells me its because I am diabetic ...I went what? Yes well you are taking metformin and you have had two consecutive HBA1C results over 6.5 I said to her I thought the cut off was 7 and she says "because you take diabetic medication you parameters move from 7 to 6.5 and that puts you in the diabetic range" So I said my heath has not changed at all only the line by which I am judged as diabetic and had I not agreed in the first place to take the preventative purely optional medication then I would not now be diagnosed as diabetic. :eusa_naughty:  She started to ge annoyed with me so I backed off ast a million miles an hour and we agreed we could work this out.

You may well say, what is the harm? you will get looked after better? I agree, I would if I was diabetic but when you are not the medication makes me feel disgusting. An example of minor things...When I had my pump replaced last week I had some nut wanting to do my BSL because they noted I was diabetic and had declined a sandwhich after surgery, As importantly once you have a diagnosis of diabetes it changes your risk factoring, so this in turn creates more issues ....For example I have been taking my blood sugars for weeks and I have never had one over 7 unless I had been eating and most of the time they sit between 5.9 and 6.3. I was feeling so sick on the medication the Dr wanted me taking which was in fact more than my properly diagnosed diabetic wife....my wife who is also a nurse suggested I take my BSL each morning before having my meds and if they were ok then not take the meds until I can see my Dr about it, so I did and I have not had a morning reading over 6.3. :eusa_naughty:

I really like my Dr so didn't want to get her off side over it but I just felt so sick on the meds so that's why she has agreed to keep me off the metformin until the next HBA1C report in which she is adamant the numbers will have gone up and I am just as adamant it will be about the same or gone down because I am not Diabetic. If this is the result of doing something pro-active then I won't be doing that again a hurry  :eusa_hand: 


I hope that explains the Diabetic situation or lack of it...when my bloods come back with the second HBA1C in a row under 7 with no medication then her argument is lost. The problem is they see chronic pancreatitis as a diagnosis and assume I am diabetic, a more accurate diagnosis might be chronic pain but technically it is pancreatitis but certainly not in the classical sense. Classically you would see major organ impairment and Type 1 Diabetes. I have neither of those things in fact I lack any of the other classic symptoms. Thanks for reading my ramble


Take care


Liz

91d12H11M BWCA?

Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 29, 2018, 04:02:35 am
Hi Liz good on you for making  that a project .....you know that little gain  maybe muscle after all those walks would be building up your legs....it  can be confusing unless you have scales that measure your water content , bone density and fat ....or you can
can always get a baseline dexa scan and work from that .... anyway you are doing well ....  Courage in spades
 you go girl

Hiya Drexy

I got to say I am not that bothered about the numbers for this week...I kind of expected to put some weight on....no exercise for 5 days straight in fact most of that was spent being sedentary waiting on things to heal up. I take your point about building muscle and I am as focused on shape as I am on weight  but I have to be really careful of the type of exercise I do so as not to aggravate anything. Slowly is fine and I still have plenty to lose...I think once it stops dropping off every part of my body apart from my stomach I will be happier!!! My Stomach definitely belongs to the "old boy"...heck I don't even drink!! how unfair is it to have a beer belly and not have had a drink for 18 years LOL :icon_drunk:


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on August 29, 2018, 04:31:15 am
I had an appointment today with the local voice surgeon. I don't know how many of you have had the joy of a "nasal camera" it went right up my nose to a point where I could clearly see my vocal cords working their little "chords" off on the 42incg colour monitor in front of me..bless them LOL. Last time I had this done nearly 15 years ago they just about had to sedate me to get the camera up my nose. However this Dr had such a great technique that I tolerated it to the point of actually smiling and laughing with him.

He gets it!! He understands the needs of Trans womens when it comes to their voices and really wants to help our community...He was not only very polite and eloquent, he had certain humbleness that is an admiral trait and is found wanting in many Dr with great skills. His bedside manner was a winner with men as he was a real sweetheart with me and said to me with a genuine look of concern "Do people really still misgender you"...Okay guy you got me...I am putty in your hands(nice hands they were too).....Hmmmm

He explained the proceedure and checked my vocal structure. He advised me of the risks and along with what and how he would achieve the rise in my pitch. With a coimbination of Laser and gel. He talked to me about my expectation and I told hium that I can blend to the point where people may be undure about my gender but as soon as I open my mouth then its all over. on the rare occcasions I can get my voice working I don't get misgendered/ not gendered. He was pleased I had attempted voice therapy and he felt he could shift my range up nearer average female but there were no guarantees.

Recovery means no talking for three days at least and then over the next 2 weeks we move to talking normally...

My health fund is likely to cover most of the cost so the funds are not really an issue...He wants to wait till after November to avoid any potentiol damage fro intubation during GCS so I have booked for the 1st February 2019 to have it done...yeah I mean wow...yup gonna happen if I want it...So that remains the questions...this is yet another "there is no going back" situations.


Maybe I need another Countdown....

Liz
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Kendra on August 29, 2018, 10:54:35 am
Liz, you go girl!  With a voice closer to your goals in February.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on September 01, 2018, 01:31:35 am
Hi Liz,

Thank you for sharing the information about your non diabetic situation. It all seems to have gotten very complicated with the way everyone involved understands your specific condition.  Other than you and your wife, everyone else seems utterly confused. Hopefully your next lots of tests will set everyone straight.

Hugs Jayne!

Less than 90 days!!! BWCA


Hi Jayne

Thank you for your post I will be making a post about the Voice Surgery after this one.

Back to your question about the Diabetes. I have physical damage to the outside of my pancreas which gives me chronic pain however I was very lucky that my panc works at all considering what I did to it. Anyway bottom line is that it works fine. What has changed though was that when I had the occasional HBA1C diabetic test done it would range somewhere between 6.8 - 7.1 but never 2 readings in a row 7 over.  It is expected that it should not be any higher than 7 so one of my Dr's asked if I would look at taking a preventative dose of metformin just to help the organ cope and thinking heck its for my own health why not .... a little bit will help with weight loss as well. I agree and discuss it with my GP and I take a very small dose. Over the next 2 months my Dr increases this to the level of a normal diabetic and I am feeling really unwell.

I say to her that I don't understand why the dose is so high etc etc and she tells me its because I am diabetic ...I went what? Yes well you are taking metformin and you have had two consecutive HBA1C results over 6.5 I said to her I thought the cut off was 7 and she says "because you take diabetic medication you parameters move from 7 to 6.5 and that puts you in the diabetic range" So I said my heath has not changed at all only the line by which I am judged as diabetic and had I not agreed in the first place to take the preventative purely optional medication then I would not now be diagnosed as diabetic. :eusa_naughty:  She started to ge annoyed with me so I backed off ast a million miles an hour and we agreed we could work this out.

You may well say, what is the harm? you will get looked after better? I agree, I would if I was diabetic but when you are not the medication makes me feel disgusting. An example of minor things...When I had my pump replaced last week I had some nut wanting to do my BSL because they noted I was diabetic and had declined a sandwhich after surgery, As importantly once you have a diagnosis of diabetes it changes your risk factoring, so this in turn creates more issues ....For example I have been taking my blood sugars for weeks and I have never had one over 7 unless I had been eating and most of the time they sit between 5.9 and 6.3. I was feeling so sick on the medication the Dr wanted me taking which was in fact more than my properly diagnosed diabetic wife....my wife who is also a nurse suggested I take my BSL each morning before having my meds and if they were ok then not take the meds until I can see my Dr about it, so I did and I have not had a morning reading over 6.3. :eusa_naughty:

I really like my Dr so didn't want to get her off side over it but I just felt so sick on the meds so that's why she has agreed to keep me off the metformin until the next HBA1C report in which she is adamant the numbers will have gone up and I am just as adamant it will be about the same or gone down because I am not Diabetic. If this is the result of doing something pro-active then I won't be doing that again a hurry  :eusa_hand: 


I hope that explains the Diabetic situation or lack of it...when my bloods come back with the second HBA1C in a row under 7 with no medication then her argument is lost. The problem is they see chronic pancreatitis as a diagnosis and assume I am diabetic, a more accurate diagnosis might be chronic pain but technically it is pancreatitis but certainly not in the classical sense. Classically you would see major organ impairment and Type 1 Diabetes. I have neither of those things in fact I lack any of the other classic symptoms. Thanks for reading my ramble


Take care


Liz

91d12H11M BWCA?
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 01, 2018, 03:40:37 am
“And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I travelled each and every highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way” Frank Sinatra  :icon_ciggy:

I have reached the end of the beginning of my transition. I think its safe to say I have made it to the middle part of my Transition which is not going to be necessarily as long as the first part but that has yet to be ascertained.  This is the last informational post I am making in this thread and will have it locked in about a week. I will be starting a new one for my GCS but there will be no regular update thread like this one.  The new thread  is going to be more specific to Dr Ives and having GCS here in Australia and issues surrounding this rather than a personal thread by me.

There are a couple of reasons for wanting to stop my thread and one of the more important for me is that I was looking through some of my old posts the other day. I noticed something very significant. In the early days of my postings here on Susan’s I would post an open topic to which I would receive a wide variety of responses. Some of them from those who had been around here awhile and sharing their knowledge and some from new people giving a totally different perspective. Both sets of replies were important and cherished.  ;)
 
I have noticed since starting my own thread that the number of people posting is fairly static. I love the interactions I have with each and every one of you but I think for newer members threads like mine can be a bit intimidating. I remember when I first started posting here, I would not have sort out a thread such as mine and posted in it. I want to make myself more available to other opinions and views.
                                                                                                               
The flip side is that by the time I catch up and comment on the threads that I follow a few hours has gone by easily so I don’t tend to make it to the new threads very often and certainly don’t speak to the newer members like I did. So for all these reasons and a couple I won’t go into publicly this thread is going to finish over the next few days and new more purposeful thread will begin.
 
Thank you all to those who have participated, thank you all, to those that read but will never post and thank you especially to all those regular contributors because without you then we don’t really have an interactive thread. I am truly grateful for all the postings made on my thread, some of which made me laugh, some made me cry, some made me re-think my position and a few even made me angry but they all added to the richness of the thread.

I intend to spend more time posting generally to the board and to all the threads I currently follow…so no I am not going anywhere in the near future  but hoping to be able to interact with more people.  So for the last time on this thread and especially for @jayne01...

 
87 Days 12 hours 5 minutes but who’s counting anyway? (BWCA? ;D)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Jayne01 on September 01, 2018, 04:13:24 am
Liz, you are making me want to cry. I will truly miss your updates about what is going on in your life. I know you will stick around the forum and post wherever you can, but it won’t be the same without a “Liz thread”. I respect all your reasons for making the decision to bring this thread to an end. I do agree that very long threads can be intimidating for newcomers to join in.

Please continue to keep in touch. And please keep your countdown going in your new GCS thread. You know how I like to see the days ticking down towards “0”. It will be a thread that I will be very interested in, both to follow your GCS progress and also for my own education for when surgery becomes a higher priority for me.

You are a wonderful person. This forum is lucky to have you here.

(((((HUG)))))
Jayne



“And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I travelled each and every highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way” Frank Sinatra  :icon_ciggy:

I have reached the end of the beginning of my transition. I think its safe to say I have made it to the middle part of my Transition which is not going to be necessarily as long as the first part but that has yet to be ascertained.  This is the last informational post I am making in this thread and will have it locked in about a week. I will be starting a new one for my GCS but there will be no regular update thread like this one.  The new thread  is going to be more specific to Dr Ives and having GCS here in Australia and issues surrounding this rather than a personal thread by me.

There are a couple of reasons for wanting to stop my thread and one of the more important for me is that I was looking through some of my old posts the other day. I noticed something very significant. In the early days of my postings here on Susan’s I would post an open topic to which I would receive a wide variety of responses. Some of them from those who had been around here awhile and sharing their knowledge and some from new people giving a totally different perspective. Both sets of replies were important and cherished.  ;)
 
I have noticed since starting my own thread that the number of people posting is fairly static. I love the interactions I have with each and every one of you but I think for newer members threads like mine can be a bit intimidating. I remember when I first started posting here, I would not have sort out a thread such as mine and posted in it. I want to make myself more available to other opinions and views.
                                                                                                               
The flip side is that by the time I catch up and comment on the threads that I follow a few hours has gone by easily so I don’t tend to make it to the new threads very often and certainly don’t speak to the newer members like I did. So for all these reasons and a couple I won’t go into publicly this thread is going to finish over the next few days and new more purposeful thread will begin.
 
Thank you all to those who have participated, thank you all, to those that read but will never post and thank you especially to all those regular contributors because without you then we don’t really have an interactive thread. I am truly grateful for all the postings made on my thread, some of which made me laugh, some made me cry, some made me re-think my position and a few even made me angry but they all added to the richness of the thread.

I intend to spend more time posting generally to the board and to all the threads I currently follow…so no I am not going anywhere in the near future  but hoping to be able to interact with more people.  So for the last time on this thread and especially for @jayne01...

 
87 Days 12 hours 5 minutes but who’s counting anyway? (BWCA? ;D)
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 01, 2018, 05:13:56 am
Thanyou Jayne for your kind words. Please don’t be concerned I am not going anywhere and part of this is to be able to participate in more threads. My new thread will be surgery focussed but I am sure the lunacy will continue.... I will absolutely do an update but they will be a new thread for each one.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: davina61 on September 01, 2018, 06:52:35 am
Is that the thread holding the surgery together ????? (apologises for my warped humour )   
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 01, 2018, 02:29:07 pm
Is that the thread holding the surgery together ????? (apologises for my warped humour )

 ;D ;D Oh Davina...I hope not!!! I hope its the real deal...you know....sutures!! I don't think superglue and blu-tack will fit the bill.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: Michelle_P on September 01, 2018, 11:03:03 pm
;D ;D Oh Davina...I hope not!!! I hope its the real deal...you know....sutures!! I don't think superglue and blu-tack will fit the bill.

Hmmm... you’d be amazed at what is holding me together right now.  Super-glue, staples, some packing tape and bits of plastic, the odd little metal plates and screws...   And the old needle-and thread routine, of course.
Title: Re: On being Liz
Post by: LizK on September 07, 2018, 07:06:07 pm
Thanks to all who have read and commented in this thread...we have laughed, cried, been angry and joyously happy...dark days of despair through to days of light and hope...you have been with me all the way. This is the end of one part of my transition and the beginning of the next part and if you wish to continue to follow my story then please join me in my new thread

To all of you who read and commented or followed along :icon_wave-nerd:

 
:icon_bunch: Thankyou :icon_bunch:
An Aussie Girls GCS Story

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,240702.0.html