Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transitioning => Hormone replacement therapy => Topic started by: Maddie86 on July 17, 2017, 09:20:44 pm

Title: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on July 17, 2017, 09:20:44 pm
Hello! So I already did an introduction thread for myself in another part of the forum, but since I'm new here I'll give a brief less detailed recap :)

Back in February (after a month of not drinking) I decided that I finally need to transition. I started coming out to some friends and in March I started seeing a therapist. I was very overweight when I started all this so my first focus was on weight loss. back in december I was over 286, now I'm down to 218! I saw a gender specialist back in May and we talked and I told him that I wanted to start HRT on my birthday (today!). Well I went and saw him on Friday and got my prescription!

I'm starting on a low dose of Spiro and a low dose of estradiol for 2 months and then I go back for a checkup. I actually started the Spiro on saturday because I wanted to get used to that before going to work on monday. I know there's probably a lot of these threads, but everyone's different and I'm hoping that maybe mine will help someone starting to transition, so I'll probably just use this thread to give updates every so often :)

So on saturday I took the Spiro around 10am. I thought I was going to be peeing a ton and feel drained but that didn't really happen. I know at one point in the day this feeling of joy came over me but I don't think the pill caused it, I think it was me building stuff up in my head lol. There was one point where I felt a little iffy but it passed quick.

Sunday I took the Spiro sometime in the early afternoon. I got up semi early and went out for breakfast, then I went to the store for a few things and then I went to the park and jogged for a half hour and then walked for almost 2 hours. after that I met a friend for ice cream and then I took the Spiro when I got home. it hit me a lot harder the 2nd day! I got really sleepy and took a nap, and then I just felt drowsy for the rest of the day.

This morning I took the spiro and then estradiol for the first time around 6am. I have a pretty active job where I'm constantly moving all day, so I figured I wouldn't really notice any changes on the first day. I didn't have any mental changes just yet, and that's fine, I'm sure they'll start soon enough, but the one thing that I felt today was a little tightness in my testicles, it started around 1030am. I haven't read about this happening to others but it makes sense to me that it would happen seeing as that's where the testosterone is coming from! so has anyone else experienced that?
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: KayXo on July 17, 2017, 11:49:14 pm
Be sure to drink plenty of water, keep diuretics under control and eat as much salt as you crave if you want to minimize the drowsiness and tiredness.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: AshleyP on July 18, 2017, 12:12:52 am
I didn't have any mental changes just yet, and that's fine, I'm sure they'll start soon enough, but the one thing that I felt today was a little tightness in my testicles, it started around 1030am. I haven't read about this happening to others but it makes sense to me that it would happen seeing as that's where the testosterone is coming from! so has anyone else experienced that?

I've often thought that there is only one sensation that comes from the testicles, pain. The intensity of that sensation can vary wildly. An hour or so after taking my first dose of estradiol, I had some very mild testicular sensation. It only lasted for a few hours and I've never had that happen since. You're the only other person that I've seen to report that.

Be sure to drink plenty of water, keep diuretics under control and eat as much salt as you crave if you want to minimize the drowsiness and tiredness.

^^THIS! Kay offers sage advice and I wholeheartedly agree especially because you have a "pretty active job."

Hope this helps,
--AshleyP
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Sluggy on July 18, 2017, 12:16:22 am
Congrats!

I too felt that testicular pain and still do occasionally. Nothing really terrible. Just uncomfortable and unfamiliar.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on July 18, 2017, 05:22:34 am
thanks for the replies! and i'm definitely relieved that others have felt that hehe, I haven't read about anyone else feeling it so i was a little worried!

and don't worry, I stay plenty hydrated at work, there's water fountains all over the place and I'm pretty good about drinking. just took my 2nd dose of estradiol a few minutes ago :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: ElizabethK on July 18, 2017, 06:32:57 am
Hi Maddie

It won't be too long before you start to feel something once the AA and the Oestrogen have had a chance to start working maybe a few days,  I mistook my first breast growth for muscle pain, it may take a little while for enough of everything to get going in your system...but I am sure it won't be long  ;)

I wonder if its the AA that may be causing that tightening? I take only oestrogen. I can't say I have experienced that. So maybe the AA is the reason...it sounds like a number of others have had the issue so I could well be the odd one out.

You are on your way congats....
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on July 23, 2017, 09:11:32 pm
Ok so I'm about to go to sleep soon and that will conclude my 7th day on HRT :)

so that tightness in my testicles that I reported in my first post hasn't come back yet. I still have yet to feel any mental changes either. I feel like my skin has gotten a little softer though, not by much, but enough for me to notice. I also occasionally feel a slight numbness around my lips, it's been happening all week, so I think it's def from the hrt. Friday after I shaved I did notice that my face looked a little different, but I've also been losing a lot of weight, so it's probably from that more than anything

speaking of weight loss, I weigh myself every friday and this week I was at 213lbs, which is 4 less than the week before! It felt like I lost more though, sometimes weight loss can work in mysterious ways. I was worried about my weight loss coming to a halt once I started hormones, but I think that since I'm at such a low dose I'll still be able to drop pounds for a while. I'd like to lose another 35 to 40 altogether and then maybe start to put some weight back on to develop some curves, but that's going to take time. my short term goal is to get down to 200 by Sept 1st, which I think I can do. an even more ambitious goal would be to get to 190 by my next doctor's visit on Sept 15th, that's when he will hopefully up my dosage! we'll see about that one lol.

One question I do have though is what have people noticed when they got their doses upped? did things start happening faster? I looked on youtube yesterday at people who were just starting and my spiro is the same dose as theirs, but their estrodiol is twice what I'm taking, so I'll ask my doctor about that at my next visit.

I think so far I'm feeling the affects of the spiro more than anything. at first I wasn't peeing too much, maybe once an hour while I was at work, but this weekend it seemed like it's been a lot more often, and I haven't been drinking as much as I should, a couple times I stood up and felt lightheaded, I definitely need to be more careful about that. I feel like I've lost strength already, but there's a lot of things that could be the cause of that. I have a job that's physically demanding, and it was especially demanding this week, I wore myself out a lot and it was also a little hotter out this week than usual. I guess it's not really my physical strength that I feel I lost, it's my energy, I feel I'm moving slower. I just feel drained and I think it might be more of a hydration issue. I have no problem jogging after work and going for walks or rucking, but I don't have the energy to play my guitar, which I really need to get back into.

For the most part I've been sleeping better. I have no issues falling asleep, but if I wake up I do tend to have a hard time getting back to sleep, one morning I woke up around 5 and couldn't get anymore sleep, but for the most part I'm better. I used to take zzzquil a few nights a week but I think last week I didn't use it at all. I feel like my appetite has been up too, ugh. I went out to dinner last night and ate a huge plate of food and I should have been stuffed but I felt like there was still room for more. I'm usually pretty good during the week but I do let loose on the weekends, and I'm really gunna have to watch that. I've been wanting to snack so much this last week but a lot of the times I caught myself, I'm surprised I was able to lose that 4lbs! I hope the scale is good to me this friday!

Thanks for reading! I'll report again in a week, unless something happens before then that I feel is noteworthy!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on July 23, 2017, 09:15:26 pm
oh yeah, I can't believe I forgot this! The skin on my face definitely looks clearer now! It's usually a little blotchy and gets irritated easily but it looks a lot healthier now! I feel like I notice a new little glow when I look in the mirror now hehe  :laugh:
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on July 29, 2017, 05:19:17 am
so some updates from my last post

my skin is still definitely clearing up, I look much younger! I sent my friends a recent pic to compare to one from 2 weeks before I started and they were all impressed with how good I'm looking! My skin still seems like it's getting softer too

I noticed that my hair seems to be dryer now. I'm goin shampoo shopping with one of my girlfriends next week and hopefully we can find something to help, my ends are getting pretty bad, they get a lot more tangled than they used to

sex drive is way down

now here's the big one, this actually has me pretty upset. I've been losing weight since February and for the first time this week I actually GAINED some back. About 2lbs. WTF? my first week on HRT I actually lost 3 to 4! I pushed myself extra hard this past week because I really wanted to drop another 13lbs before September, but now idk if that can happen, ugh. I've lost 70lbs so far and I really wanna lose another 30

on a positive note, a friend of mine was in town from Philly this week and I came out to her! It went well, she was super happy for me and it looked like she was gunna cry lol. She told me to come down sometime and we could have a girls night, so I'll probably do that this fall, I'm soooo looking forward to it!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: ElizabethK on July 29, 2017, 05:23:30 am


now here's the big one, this actually has me pretty upset. I've been losing weight since February and for the first time this week I actually GAINED some back. About 2lbs.


Me to my Dr "So what kind of side effects should I expect from HRT?"

Dr "About 10lbs"

Me "Thanks Doc..thanks a lot"  :D
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: KayXo on July 29, 2017, 01:25:50 pm
Skin/hair getting drier is normal on low T, higher E. Two things that helped with that, progesterone and/or a dab of testosterone (I'm post-op).

As far as sex drive, I never noticed much of a difference post-HRT except that, once again, either progesterone or testosterone helped things become more exciting, especially T as regards to erogenous zones and sensitivity.

Now you know... ^-^

Oh yea, girls are supposed to be "thicker" so expect some of that too. Perfectly normal.  ;)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on July 31, 2017, 09:11:48 pm
ok so I'm feeling better. I was pretty bummed about the weight gain and then on saturday I went to the park and did my usual routine and it took me longer and I didn't even finish, which was really upsetting. I was just drained, I couldn't keep going. then sunday morning was big. I met one of my girlfriends at the park who works out a lot, and I told her I wanted to break my record. My typical lap around the park is 2.78 miles, and my record was 30 minutes and 45 seconds. we did the lap in 29 minutes and 15 seconds, I broke my record by a minute and a half!!! that really raised my spirits and got me in a better mood, to celebrate I went out and bought myself a badly needed new pair of running shoes. The rest of the day I had no problems with my energy, and my energy was fine today at work too and also after work when I went back to the park and came really close to the same time as yesterday!! So now I just have to work on controlling my appetite. I don't get as full as I used to and once I start eating it's hard to stop! I need to portion my meals and also start chewing gum before I eat too much as a way to get myself to stop lol

so today marks the start of my 3rd week on hormones. still no mental changes, and no breast development either. I'm ok for now though, I had great mental changes over the winter when I started coming out to my friends and then started exercising. and also, I'm a big girl, I've had boobs since 3rd grade hehe
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on July 31, 2017, 11:06:22 pm
Hi Maddie,

  It sounds like you are doing fine and have  a good Idea of what you want during this journey of yours. I'm doing good if I get 3 miles finished in an hour but then I walk now.  Age and smoking for too many years keeps me from running these days. Keep you goals in mind and keep working for them and you will accomplish them.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on August 07, 2017, 05:30:47 am
3 weeks in, starting my 4th today!

this was a pretty decent week, I got my energy back and I've had no problem jogging, and idk how, but my last weigh in was like 215 and now i'm down to 208!!

I might be starting to see some slight mental changes too, a couple days ago I got a little too excited when I saw a cute bunny and I also let out an "awww yay!" when I saw that the Halloween store was getting ready to open lol

another big thing is that yesterday I went out shopping in public for the 2nd time for women's clothes with some girlfriends of mine. Penneys is having a sale plus I had a coupon and a gift card, I saved over $200 and got some really cute stuff! I had a lot of fun, it was so exciting!

As I was leaving the mall my one friend came over to talk to me for a min though. She said that this one guy I'm friends with came up to her husband (who does know about me) and asked if he knew anything about me transitioning. he played dumb, which was nice of him, but she just wanted me to know that people are starting to notice
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: ElizabethK on August 07, 2017, 05:41:51 am
3 weeks in, starting my 4th today!

this was a pretty decent week, I got my energy back and I've had no problem jogging, and idk how, but my last weigh in was like 215 and now i'm down to 208!!

I might be starting to see some slight mental changes too, a couple days ago I got a little too excited when I saw a cute bunny and I also let out an "awww yay!" when I saw that the Halloween store was getting ready to open lol

another big thing is that yesterday I went out shopping in public for the 2nd time for women's clothes with some girlfriends of mine. Penneys is having a sale plus I had a coupon and a gift card, I saved over $200 and got some really cute stuff! I had a lot of fun, it was so exciting!

As I was leaving the mall my one friend came over to talk to me for a min though. She said that this one guy I'm friends with came up to her husband (who does know about me) and asked if he knew anything about me transitioning. he played dumb, which was nice of him, but she just wanted me to know that people are starting to notice

Hi Maddie

I am sure you will crying all over the place before you know it  :D A friend of mine suggested I should invest in  "Tissue's" (as in blow your nose) as I was going to be using a lot of them...and she wasn't wrong.

Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on August 07, 2017, 04:39:04 pm
Hi Maddie

I am sure you will crying all over the place before you know it  :D A friend of mine suggested I should invest in  "Tissue's" (as in blow your nose) as I was going to be using a lot of them...and she wasn't wrong.

hehe I'm kinda looking forward to this, I'm a little bummed that it hasn't happened yet. I've always been a little emotional though, certain songs or movies usually make me tear up pretty easily!

also, I forgot to mention in my last post that yesterday when I was shopping I saw a cute top that I couldn't pull off but I showed it to  my friend and said she should get it and she actually bought it! that made me pretty happy :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: KathyLauren on August 08, 2017, 09:10:17 am
hehe I'm kinda looking forward to this, I'm a little bummed that it hasn't happened yet. I've always been a little emotional though, certain songs or movies usually make me tear up pretty easily!
I didn't notice a big change in my tendency to cry until my doc increased my E dosage by 25%.  I have always cried at movies, but all of a sudden any strong feeling, good or bad, will start the waterworks.  I love it! :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on August 13, 2017, 09:08:20 pm
time for my weekly update :)

tomorrow will be the start of my 5th week on HRT. this means I'm due for a refill! I called in my prescription yesterday and then I called today to check on it, and I'm sure glad I did because unfortunately I ran into an issue. My insurance isn't going to cover the refills. I'm not surprised, I was actually surprised that they covered the first batch, it says in my plan that they don't cover anything related to transitioning, yet they've covered my therapist, my bloodwork, and my first 2 doctor's visits. the pharmacist said on the phone that he can get me a discount card where I would be paying $9.99 each for the spiro and estradiol, which is great, but now I'm worried about them covering my next doctor's appointment, and especially my next blood test. sigh.

well onto more positive things... I'm finally starting to notice more mental changes! Fall is my absolute favorite season and it's starting to show signs that it's right around the corner and the hormones have me feeling more excited than ever! I drove by some trees where the leaves were starting to turn red and my jaw dropped and I smiled for a good 20 seconds and I was so excited that I couldn't even make a sound. I went to the grocery store friday night and the entrance smelled like fall spices and it hit me HARD, it made me so happy that I couldn't help but smile like a goon, I tried to hide it but it was no use! I've noticed that I'm smiling more in general too, I'm a lot happier now! and while I'm still mostly in male mode at work, I def act girlier around my girlfriends now, I love just hanging out and talking!

on the health front I've still been not good with my eating. It's especially hard since hoopla added some new fro-yo flavors, they have a salted caramel pretzel flavor that you can twist with peanut butter fro-yo and it's like my new favorite thing everrrr, ugh! I've been upping my game while jogging though, I broke my record the other day by 6 seconds, and then today I broke it by almost 2 minutes!! I did 2.9 miles in 27 minutes and 20 seconds! I was pretty proud of myself! Unfortunately, I didn't lose any weight when I weighed in on friday. I cheated a bit over the weekend but that's over, I'm gunna be more strict this week, I'm gunna leave my cash and credit cards at home so I'll be forced to eat what I already have on hand! wish me luck and thanks for reading  :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on August 14, 2017, 09:51:28 am
Congrats on everything.

I'm not far behind you in terms of start dates of HRT.  I have noticed some mental changes.  It's hard to describe but things seem quieter in my head.  My skin does feel a little softer but I don't know how much of that is from the change in body wash and from the HRT.  I have noticed that the pores on my nose are smaller and look better.  I have had the testicular pain as well but it hasn't bothered me all that much.

Good luck.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: kellypinkbunny on August 14, 2017, 02:03:16 pm
maddie if you don't mind me asking how tall are you ? i'm 5 10 1/2 and my weight is about the same as yours. thank you
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: ElizabethK on August 14, 2017, 06:20:21 pm
Hi Maddie
Its great to hear you enjoying the changes you are experiencing on HRT. I was terrified I would get no real effect from the E because I had T floating around my system  for so long I really couldn't see it would make any real difference to me. How wrong was I  ;D

Eating is possible the toughest for me, I have a sweet tooth anyway but the change of taste I have experienced has made it very hard for me to leave chocolate alone. Since starting HRT I have put on 6+kgs....Good luck with the weight loss.

It a pity your insurance won't cover you but it sounds like the cost is reasonable without it. Not having them cover any trans stuff could be problematic down the track? Hope not
 
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on August 14, 2017, 07:29:50 pm
Congrats on everything.

I'm not far behind you in terms of start dates of HRT.  I have noticed some mental changes.  It's hard to describe but things seem quieter in my head.  My skin does feel a little softer but I don't know how much of that is from the change in body wash and from the HRT.  I have noticed that the pores on my nose are smaller and look better.  I have had the testicular pain as well but it hasn't bothered me all that much.

Good luck.

thanks! I bet your skin changes are from the HRT, not the bodywash, with me my skin was the first change I noticed! 9 days into it I looked in the mirror and my skin was so much healthier looking!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on August 14, 2017, 07:30:32 pm
maddie if you don't mind me asking how tall are you ? i'm 5 10 1/2 and my weight is about the same as yours. thank you
i'm 5' 11"!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on August 14, 2017, 07:32:38 pm
Hi Maddie
Its great to hear you enjoying the changes you are experiencing on HRT. I was terrified I would get no real effect from the E because I had T floating around my system  for so long I really couldn't see it would make any real difference to me. How wrong was I  ;D

Eating is possible the toughest for me, I have a sweet tooth anyway but the change of taste I have experienced has made it very hard for me to leave chocolate alone. Since starting HRT I have put on 6+kgs....Good luck with the weight loss.

It a pity your insurance won't cover you but it sounds like the cost is reasonable without it. Not having them cover any trans stuff could be problematic down the track? Hope not
 

omg, i've been craving so much chocolate lately! and I've been buying the more expensive stuff too, the bars that are like $3 or so. I'm hoping that spending more on it will make me want to savor it and not eat it too fast lol
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Dena on August 14, 2017, 07:45:37 pm
If you want to slow down your chocolate consumption, freeze it and melt it in your mouth. Freezing it make it last far longer so you get your chocolate fix without using as much. As for me, the cheap stuff works just fine. I keep a bag of Kisses in the freezer and grab a few when I want chocolate.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: ElizabethK on August 15, 2017, 04:22:02 am
If you want to slow down your chocolate consumption, freeze it and melt it in your mouth. Freezing it make it last far longer so you get your chocolate fix without using as much. As for me, the cheap stuff works just fine. I keep a bag of Kisses in the freezer and grab a few when I want chocolate.

Here in Australia chocolate won't last to long so we always put in in the fridge to prevent it, but I have never thought to freeze it...great idea...Oh yeah!!! frozen Cadbury chocolate on a hot day...droooooool or any day for that matter
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: AnneK on August 15, 2017, 11:05:03 am
Here in Australia chocolate won't last to long so we always put in in the fridge to prevent it, but I have never thought to freeze it...great idea...Oh yeah!!! frozen Cadbury chocolate on a hot day...droooooool or any day for that matter

I also keep mine in the fridge, at least during the summer.  I get the dark chocolate Lindt bars that are at least 85% cocoa.  Those ones are actually good for you.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: KathyLauren on August 15, 2017, 01:24:02 pm
I also keep mine in the fridge, at least during the summer.  I get the dark chocolate Lindt bars that are at least 85% cocoa.  Those ones are actually good for you.
Did you ever try the Lindt 99%?  Wow!  Goes great with an espresso.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: KayXo on August 15, 2017, 01:28:39 pm
I notice I crave chocolate when my E levels are too low. :( A common manifestation in women days before their periods, when hormone levels begin to drop. I LOVE dark chocolate!!!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: AnneK on August 15, 2017, 01:52:29 pm
Did you ever try the Lindt 99%?  Wow!  Goes great with an espresso.

No, I've never seen higher than 90%, which is my usual.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on August 15, 2017, 02:57:53 pm
Two words: Andes Mints.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynD on August 15, 2017, 03:07:17 pm
Interesting i never have craved sweets on HRT at all. Sort of the opposite, the things i do crave are savory/salty stuff like chips, salsa, pickles, kimchee, cheese etc. Eggs, wow eggs are my new favorite food, i eat them so often.

When i do decide to have a sweet though it is invariably chocolate.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: ElizabethK on August 16, 2017, 05:23:49 am
Did you ever try the Lindt 99%?  Wow!  Goes great with an espresso.

Goes even better with more Lindt ... ;D
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on August 16, 2017, 09:56:13 am
Here in Australia chocolate won't last to long so we always put in in the fridge to prevent it, but I have never thought to freeze it...great idea...Oh yeah!!! frozen Cadbury chocolate on a hot day...droooooool or any day for that matter

  Cadbury is good yes, But I've been enjoying my frozen Ghiradelli flavored chocolates one square at a time lately. The cherry is wonderful.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on August 16, 2017, 08:33:30 pm
hehe I love that this turned into a chocolate thread, that's so funny!

yesterday I bought a Cadbury fruit and nut milk chocolate bar, it has raisins and almonds and I just put it in the freezer, can't wait to try it frozen!

also, next week my mom is going on vacation to Ocean City and she's going to bring me back fudge from Candy Kitchen, it's amazing and I'm going to have to work out super hard that week lol
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Dena on August 16, 2017, 09:37:00 pm
DO NOT freeze the fudge. It's very critical to maintain the correct crystal structure and water balance. Get this wrong and the flavor will remain the same but the texture will be destroyed.

As for the candy bars, the almonds are mostly oil so freezing them shouldn't be a problem. The raisins might be a little on the hard side so bite carefully.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: ElizabethK on August 17, 2017, 09:49:04 am
Did the frozen chocolate bar....a fine idea!!!...just took me a bit longer to get through the block...your are right, it does last longer LOL I think the real issue here for me, is one of restraint or lack there of. ;D
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on August 20, 2017, 09:28:50 pm
so tomorrow starts my 6th week, and so far I've felt no new physical changes, and nothing new on the mental front either. I was actually feeling a bit masculine over the last week because of work, and then I got fro-yo with a friend on friday night and I was in the middle of talking to her and then I stopped and pointed out some pretty clouds and I actually started to tear up!! it was pretty funny, she's one of my best friends and is super supportive about my transition but she did yell at me to stop lol

as for the weight, I'm stuck at 208 for the 3rd week in a row!! grrrr! I really need to focus on this more, but I have less energy because I've been working overtime and it's at the point in this job where I just don't care anymore, I've got no motivation because I know this job is ending soon. I really wanted to be down to 200lbs by labor day and at this point I just don't think I'm gunna make it. Hopefully I can get down to 200 by september 15th, that's my next appointment with the gender doctor and hopefully he will increase my estrogen dose then!

I had my 2nd electrolysis session this week. I need to figure out a way to speed this up, the woman I see has a full schedule. I had one hour long session last month, one this week, then my next appointment isn't until the end of October. I might try to find someone within an hour's drive that can work on me more often, I'd like an hour every two weeks if possible! I tried one laser session back in May and I just don't think that it's going to work with the color of my facial hair, so electrolysis it is

oh and I got some good chocolate this week and put it in the freezer, I def like the freezer trick! I got a dark chocolate bar that's spiced with ancho chiles and it has dried cherries in it, yum!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: ElizabethK on August 21, 2017, 06:36:12 am
oh and I got some good chocolate this week and put it in the freezer, I def like the freezer trick! I got a dark chocolate bar that's spiced with ancho chiles and it has dried cherries in it, yum!

Dena has a lot to answer for....I did the chocolate freezer thing as well...slowed me down...yeah sure LOL

Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: KayXo on August 21, 2017, 11:57:59 am
Lowering carb intake can do wonders for weight loss but be sure to replace the lost carbs with plenty of fat, this won't lead to weight gain as is thought by many and studies have shown this for decades in humans.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on August 27, 2017, 01:59:27 pm
6 weeks down, starting week 7 tomorrow!

I see the doctor again in just under 3 weeks, and I think I'm going to need to get my doses raised because I feel the testosterone is making itself known again. my skin is still softer than it used to be, but when I started HRT it started clearing up and looking healthier after a week or two, but now my skin is starting to look blotchy again and it's getting irritated easily like it used to before i started. I still have a little male anger come out once in a while, but I also have some feminine traits too, like without thinking I'll just open up my mouth and say something girly, it's weird. I think I'm starting to get a little more softspoken too, which I'm happy about.

on the brighter side, I FINALLY had a good weigh in! I was stuck at 208 for my last 3, but then on friday I was down to 204!! maybe I can be under 200 by labor day afterall! I did cheat yesterday with some of my meals, I went to a concert at Darien Lake (I started another thread where I was asking about drinking, I didn't end up drinking) and I stopped at my favorite restaurant on the way, Dinosaur BBQ in Syracuse. oops. oh well, I did break my jogging record earlier in the week, I did just under 3 miles in 26 minutes and 42 seconds! beat my old record by almost 40 seconds! it was a little chilly that day and I think it helped.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on August 27, 2017, 07:52:45 pm
Congrats. Sounds like it was a good week for you.  Keep it up and I'm sure you'll reach your weight goal.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on September 04, 2017, 05:03:06 pm
Well I now have 7 weeks under my belt, and I'm also 2lbs lighter than last week! Nothing new really, I have another doctor's appointment on the 15th and I really hope my doses get increased, I feel like the spiro isn't working as much anymore, my skin is breaking out again and I've experienced a bit of male rage this week, which I'm bummed about. A couple days ago I went to get my blood tests done so I can make sure they get it in on time!

I've also been feeling really lonely a lot lately, it sucks. I love my friends and I want to spend time with them but I have no single friends and most of my friends don't have much free time, so I kinda feel like I'm annoying them when I'm asking them to do things. I need to start dating but at this point in my transition I just don't think it's a good idea, I still have a very long way to go and I need to be more comfortable with myself before I'm ready to be intimate.

So my job can be seasonal a lot of the time, and I've been fortunate enough to have been working for most of the year so far. I've been with this one company since april and I've been sick of them for a while now and I quit on friday. tomorrow I'm going back to work with my dad and we will have work until early October and then I might be unemployed for a while, which I'm looking forward to. When I'm unemployed I usually spend more time getting in touch with my feminine side, so I'm really looking forward to some well deserved me time in about another month!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on September 04, 2017, 05:19:59 pm
Sounds like a good plan. Just anything to stay occupied. My 3 month checkup still isn't for another six weeks but I'm so anxious to get it done. For me all the kids started school and my "weekend " is in the middle of the week so I've been getting plenty of me time.

At least time is going by faster at this stage. That first month of HRT seemed to have lasted forever.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on September 15, 2017, 07:49:55 pm
ok, so I haven't posted in here in a little while, I didn't really have anything new to say until now

I finally got down to 200lbs! I'm so proud! hopefully I can lose another 25 to 30

and now for the bigger news... I went to the doctor today and he approved me to up my dosage! I guess he started me off super low, but now he's doubling it and he might even prescribe me even more estrogen after my next visit in 3 months! I'm excited! hopefully I'll be looking more feminine by halloween!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on September 15, 2017, 08:18:49 pm
Awesome news. I'm so happy for you. Don't get complacent about your weight. Keep going and stay healthy.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on September 16, 2017, 05:52:08 am
Awesome news. I'm so happy for you. Don't get complacent about your weight. Keep going and stay healthy.

aw thanks!

the weight loss is definitely gunna slow down now I think. it already has since I started HRT, but my work has a lot to do with it. I have a job that can be pretty physically demanding, and over the summer I was with a company where I was pretty much constantly moving all day, but 2 weeks ago I left the company to go work with my dad and this job we're on has a good amount of heavy lifting but not much cardio. my work can be seasonal too, after another 2 or 3 weeks I don't have anything else lined up, oops! I still go to the park every day and jog, so I'll just have to stay there longer when I have some downtime
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on September 18, 2017, 04:47:00 pm
So saturday I started taking my bigger dose of estrogen and so far I haven't noticed any changes, but it's probably a little too soon. my doctor gave me the go-ahead to up my spiro dose too, but I haven't done it yet. he told me it would be good to increase one first in case of any side effects, that way it's easier to pinpoint which medication is causing it. I have a trip to Rochester coming up at the end of the month and I was going to wait until then to increase the spiro, but I may do it this weekend instead.

Speaking of that Rochester trip, I'm debating whether or not I should dress as a woman. I'm going up with one of my best friends to visit another one of my best friends, and both of them and their significant others know about me and my transition. last time I went up to visit her I went alone and we went shopping and got facials but I was presenting as male, but when we got back to her place I dressed up and we hung out at her place all night. This time we're going out to a bowling ally that's actually a bar and restaurant too, the menu looks interesting, it seems like a fun place that's kinda hip. The last time I went out in public dressed up I was with a group of girls and I had been drinking before to calm my nerves, and we went to a place that I was familiar with and was small and not busy, but this place I think will have a lot of people around, so I'm nervous. I'm sure I'll have to use the rest room a few times, and I'm assuming that there's no gender neutral ones, ugh. and if we bowl after we eat then it might be embarrassing when I ask for a men's size 12 shoe :( on the other hand, I think I might just need to toughen up and go through with it. If I'm going to be presenting as female full time some day I'm definitely going to need to get used to this, and it will help being there with 2 of my best friends with very little chance of running into some other people I know

I did a little online shopping last night for this trip too. I really needed a purse, I have 2 already but I'm not crazy about them, so I went to the penneys website and found a cute but basic black purse on sale for $30, then I used a coupon to get it down to $21, so yay for that! I'm def excited for it! I also ordered a new bra and some undies. with all the weight loss I don't fill out my old 40D anymore, so I ordered a 38C. I ordered a smaller size of a bra that I already have and love, so I know what to expect when i get it :)

also, I play in a band and haven't told my band mates yet, I've been avoiding it but I think I might have to tell them soon. Our bassist has been teasing me a little, he says I need more male friends  :P
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on September 19, 2017, 02:27:06 pm
Just go as yourself. I recently told my sisters and now they are wanting me to go with them on their next girls night out.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on September 24, 2017, 09:37:34 pm
Just go as yourself. I recently told my sisters and now they are wanting me to go with them on their next girls night out.

I'm pretty sure I'm gunna go dressed up! I double checked with my friends and they are ok with it, I didn't wanna do it if they would be uncomfortable! One thing I'm concerned about is bathroom use at this place though, I still haven't used the women's room in public yet, last time I went out the place only had one restroom!

so on another note, I just finished my 10th week of HRT! it's been a little over a week now since I doubled my estrogen and a couple days since I doubled my spiro. still no breast development, but my skin is starting to get even softer, which I'm loving! I shaved my legs the other day for the first time in a while and without the hair I can definitely feel how much softer my skin is, I feel like a babe!!

I did a little shopping with my friend the other day, it went pretty well for the most part but it got a little awkward at the end. she knew the cashier who was ringing me out at Penney's and this woman thought that my friend and I were "together" and my friend clarified that I'm just a friend and she has a husband and that the clothes I was buying were for me. sigh. I wasn't buying anything too girly though, I needed a black cami and penneys had a sale where they were 3 for $12, so I got 3 and I had a $10 off coupon, yay! we also went to Charlotte Rousse and I got a bunch of chokers for like $6. I like chokers, I'm a 90s girl and I never got to wear them back then, so I gotta make up for lost time! we also went to Sephora, and luckily I have a friend who works there and she knows about my transition, so I feel comfortable going there. I got 2 Kat Von D liquid lipsticks and I really like the shades I got, one is a natural pink and one is a darker red. yes, I spent $42 on them, buuuuut I got a free makeup bag and some mascara and lipstick samples :)

oh, and the purse that I mentioned last week came and I really like it! my new bra is coming in the mail tomorrow, I hope it fits well!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on September 25, 2017, 09:56:52 am
Nice, glad you had a wonderful time. Shopping is quite a bit fun. My wife and I went Friday.  I got a few bras plus a dress and a skirt. So can't wait for a girl's night out.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 02, 2017, 11:37:15 am
Well this has been quite a week! I had a little freakout last week because I got called out of town to work for a few days. Usually this is not a problem, but this time I wasn't expecting it and I had a lot of stuff I wanted to get done in town, but it ended up being ok. I got out early on friday and came home and I hit the park for a jog. I weighed in on Wednesday last week and was surprised to see that I finally got UNDER 200lbs! I was stuck at 200 for 3 weigh ins, but this time I was down to 196! I was feeling good about that and I decided that I wanted to feel better, so at the park I really pushed myself and I got my 2nd best time I've ever had on my normal lap! this is big because for the last 2 weeks before that I had stopped timing myself because I knew I was slowing down and I wanted to be less stressed. Then after my jog I got some great news! The Union Hall that I work for called me to tell me that my missing benefits for the year have been paid in, and I was one step closer to being vested. I work construction, and yes it sucks and I feel like its slowing my transition and I want to quit, but if I quit before I'm vested I lose my pension when I retire, and I lose my annuity, which is worth thousands of dollars. Over the summer I was told that I needed a full credit this year and then a half credit next year and then I'd be vested, so while I was on the phone I checked up on that and she said that actually I can quit after this year without losing my benefits!!! I can cash in my annuity after a year of being out of the union, and by that time I can probably use the money for some sort of surgery for my transition! yay!!!

So saturday a friend and I went up to Rochester to visit a friend and her husband. I think I mentioned it here but I also started another thread about it, this was my 2nd time dressing as a woman in public. We went to a hip new bowling alley/restaurant and the staff was great, no judgement from them at all, and this one woman was super nice, she kept calling me honey and sweetie, which I really appreciated! I didn't get misgendered by anyone, which is nice! I feel like I got a few odd looks from people but I didn't pay them any attention, I just kept with my friends and had a fun time! My one friend why hadn't seen me since before HRT said I seemed more whimsical lol! It was fun and I need to do stuff like this more often, but it's gunna have to be out of town, I'm not ready to be "out" yet and I know way too many people in my local bar scene!

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22090139_10154802062406373_9127111891626650620_n.jpg?oh=0be6c49fddf84cc26106c8ff8f6c5d1a&oe=5A43438E)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22141125_10154804544846373_4580003396612115795_n.jpg?oh=f5e59d66110bf02ae49fec80f4c1b29c&oe=5A3DBA1A)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 02, 2017, 11:42:43 am
I forgot to add that I am going to try to be way more strict about my diet now. I was only made away recently how dangerous too much potassium can be, so I'm gunna try to avoid potatoes and dairy when I can, among other things. I thought eating whole wheat was supposed to be healthier, so I've been eating whole wheat instead of white products over the last couple months, turns out whole wheat has more potassium! oh no!

another thing I have to ask my doctor about is sun exposure. I got my estrogen refilled the other day and the bottle said to avoid long exposure to direct sunlight while on it, and it never said that on the bottle before. I've been working outside all day for the last month! sigh. at least I won't have to work outside too much longer
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on October 02, 2017, 11:58:05 am
Congrats on a great week. Keep up the weight loss. What's the next goal? 175?
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 02, 2017, 12:20:25 pm
Congrats on a great week. Keep up the weight loss. What's the next goal? 175?

I think my next goal is 186, when I hit that I'll have officially lost 100lb! I weighed myself last december and I was over 286, that's all my scale goes up to, so while I'm probably at the 100lb mark right now, it won't be official til I hit 186 since I have no real number of when I started! but after that, yes, 175! it would be cool if I could get down to that by the end of the year, but we'll see, things are slowing down for me

and thanks for always replying to my posts, I appreciate it :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: elkie-t on October 02, 2017, 01:23:17 pm
If you want to lose weight, start skipping meals. I was never overweight, but lost from 215 to 185 without noticing when life got a bit busy and I started skipping breakfasts and lunches and having something quick for a dinner.... and as crazy as it goes, I felt a lot of energy too.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on October 02, 2017, 01:42:13 pm
Maddie, you looked amazing!

Congrats on the weight loss as well! I've been stalled a bit at 220 for some reason, even keeping diet fine and exercise up. (I'm hoping my increased exercise just added muscle to explain the small plateau.) I hope to catch up with you on weight soon though! :D
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 02, 2017, 06:45:59 pm
Maddie, you looked amazing!

Congrats on the weight loss as well! I've been stalled a bit at 220 for some reason, even keeping diet fine and exercise up. (I'm hoping my increased exercise just added muscle to explain the small plateau.) I hope to catch up with you on weight soon though! :D

aw, thank you! and don't worry, you'll overcome your stall! don't give up!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: rmaddy on October 02, 2017, 06:57:51 pm
maddie if you don't mind me asking how tall are you ? i'm 5 10 1/2 and my weight is about the same as yours. thank you

6'3"/193
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Becca Kay on October 05, 2017, 07:12:09 pm
I think my next goal is 186, when I hit that I'll have officially lost 100lb! I weighed myself last december and I was over 286, that's all my scale goes up to, so while I'm probably at the 100lb mark right now, it won't be official til I hit 186 since I have no real number of when I started! but after that, yes, 175! it would be cool if I could get down to that by the end of the year, but we'll see, things are slowing down for me

and thanks for always replying to my posts, I appreciate it :)

as you lose weight AND become more fit from exercise your body will become more efficient an probably use fewer calories.  that's why your weight loss slowed and at times plateaued. 

as someone who's wrestled with an eating disorder my entire adult life my advice is to avoid taking drastic steps.  Dysphoria and weight loss can mess with your head.  Slow steady weight loss is healthier for you mind and body.   Don't skip meals.  it's better to just eat a few fewer calories now and then than it is to skip meals. 

it sounds like you have a regular healthy routine.  just stick to it.  over time it will get you where you're going. 
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 05, 2017, 09:25:37 pm
as you lose weight AND become more fit from exercise your body will become more efficient an probably use fewer calories.  that's why your weight loss slowed and at times plateaued. 

as someone who's wrestled with an eating disorder my entire adult life my advice is to avoid taking drastic steps.  Dysphoria and weight loss can mess with your head.  Slow steady weight loss is healthier for you mind and body.   Don't skip meals.  it's better to just eat a few fewer calories now and then than it is to skip meals. 

it sounds like you have a regular healthy routine.  just stick to it.  over time it will get you where you're going.

thanks! yes, I am definitely not the meal skipping type lol, so I won't be doing that, I've lost almost 100lbs so far without skipping! and I agree, my plan has worked for me so far but I knew it would slow at some point, I know I'll get to where I want to be though, it's just gunna take me a little longer now, but that's ok, I've come a very long way already! :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 06, 2017, 11:38:09 am
so I'm in the middle of my 12th week of HRT and I am definitely feeling the breast growth now! I've felt it here and there a little bit over the last month or so but it would usually go away after a day or two, and I know I've been feeling it the last few days, but this morning it actually finally started to hurt a bit, I was out for a jog and I had to stop and just walk because my shirt rubbing against my chest was too irritating! Another thing to keep in mind is that I've been on a prescription anti-inflammatory since April, Naproxen. A week ago today was the last time I actually took it, and I'm wondering if maybe my breasts started developing a while ago and this just masked the pain a little. probably not but it's a thought!

as for my weight loss, I'm down this week! It's only like a pound and a half or so, but I cheated my diet while visiting a friend last weekend, so this week I was just gunna be happy if I didn't gain lol, I'm like just under 195 now and it feels good!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 16, 2017, 12:21:54 pm
ok so today is the start of my 14th week of HRT, and tomorrow marks the start of the 4th month since I started on July 17th. It's been about a month now since the doctor doubled my estradial and my spiro and I really don't think I've felt any difference yet. I go back in December and I think he's going to increase my dose again, but we'll see. in my post from 10 days ago I posted about breast development but I think I jumped the gun on it, I haven't really felt anything lately. they hurt a little when I jog but that's it. I haven't been getting anymore emotional either I don't think, and honestly I haven't really felt too feminine for a little while now, just kinda neutral and that bums me out.

I've been kinda sad over the last few days because I'm sensing a disconnect between me and some of my friends. I know they're busy but I have this feeling that they're keeping their distance from me for some reason, or at least one of them is. they'll still text me and chat but anytime I ask about hanging out they make excuses. When I first came out to them they were really supportive and we'd talk about doing all this stuff and having girls nights but that never really happened. We've hung out a few times but every time I was still presenting as male. I'm still early in my transition and I want to have nights where I go out dressed as a woman but it's hard to get them to commit to anything. this transition is going to be a lot lonelier than I expected! it's weird because my male friends who know about me are still down to hang out when they can. and there's a couple guys who I heard suspect that I'm transitioning and I've noticed that they've actually been friendlier towards me! I dunno, maybe i'm overthinking things, but I'm always the one to initiate conversation, it'd just nice if someone would randomly text me and ask how I'm doing.

oh, and as for weight loss, as of thursday I was down to a solid 194, where as the weigh in before that was just a pinch under 195, a heavy 194 i guess lol. I was just thankful that I didn't gain because I haven't been eating well. I've been a little sick lately so my muscles would ache and I couldn't jog at the park, so I don't expect to be down any this week when I weigh in, but we'll see.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on October 16, 2017, 02:38:04 pm
Hi Maddie.

  How are you doing girl? LOL Okay I suppose that doesn't count. But hey I can relate to the feeling of friends seemly withdrawing. They could very well be and then again it could well be your perception. Since I don't really have any local friends I cannot relate to it on that level. My friends are almost all online and I feel some are drifting or more likely being push away by my  ongoing problems. Then again it could well be just my perception. You could try reaching out to them a little more. ( something I personally find extremely difficult) But for you it could work. Take it upon yourselk to arrange  get togethers.
   And about them boobs.. Don't despair there either. Boobs can be glacially slow. I though mine had pretty much come to a stop by 6 months, but the other day I tried on one of my cute bras I bought months ago and never wore because I could not quite full the cups and it looked awful. Guess what? I do touch all of the insides to the cups now and the sam with another  bra I set aside hoping to fill it out at a later date. I apparently have been growing, slow yes but still growing. Patience it still the key girl.
  Weight loss? I hope I have lost a bit more the next time I weigh in at the doctors next month. I have continued with the carb cutting and a bit of portion watching as I have been doing. It resulted last weigh in with an 8 lb loss. My first ever intentional weight loss. It took 3 months but it was a loss. A bit of exercise helps also and I try to go for walks to accomplish that part.

  So my dear, be patient and continue your routines your goals will come if you stick to it.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on October 16, 2017, 02:43:49 pm
As long as you don't gain, or even just avoid consistent gain, you are still making progress!

Well, that is what I told myself today anyway as I ate a piece of cake and way too much Chinese. ;D

Also, try not to read too much into that neutral feeling. It's the pitfall of any treatment, in that a stabilized state becomes the new normal, and we as humans fail to recognize the difference from how we were previously without an immediate contrast. I can only assume this applies to HRT and feeling feminine as well.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 16, 2017, 05:25:23 pm
Hi Maddie.

  How are you doing girl? LOL Okay I suppose that doesn't count. But hey I can relate to the feeling of friends seemly withdrawing. They could very well be and then again it could well be your perception. Since I don't really have any local friends I cannot relate to it on that level. My friends are almost all online and I feel some are drifting or more likely being push away by my  ongoing problems. Then again it could well be just my perception. You could try reaching out to them a little more. ( something I personally find extremely difficult) But for you it could work. Take it upon yourselk to arrange  get togethers.
   And about them boobs.. Don't despair there either. Boobs can be glacially slow. I though mine had pretty much come to a stop by 6 months, but the other day I tried on one of my cute bras I bought months ago and never wore because I could not quite full the cups and it looked awful. Guess what? I do touch all of the insides to the cups now and the sam with another  bra I set aside hoping to fill it out at a later date. I apparently have been growing, slow yes but still growing. Patience it still the key girl.
  Weight loss? I hope I have lost a bit more the next time I weigh in at the doctors next month. I have continued with the carb cutting and a bit of portion watching as I have been doing. It resulted last weigh in with an 8 lb loss. My first ever intentional weight loss. It took 3 months but it was a loss. A bit of exercise helps also and I try to go for walks to accomplish that part.

  So my dear, be patient and continue your routines your goals will come if you stick to it.

Hugs,
   Laurie

thanks for your response! Honestly, I do reach out to them all the time and I'm constantly trying to set things up, and it's always a no, so that's what's setting this whole thing off. on friday this one girl posted that she needed help taking an air conditioner out of the window. I told her I would come and help but then she said her brother might come help and then when he didn't she just decided to wait for her husband to come home. I'm always offering to come help them with stuff or even cook them dinner or something and it's always a no. I might just straight up ask her what's going on but I don't wanna start something I can't take back. I do like her and I'm not angry at her, I'm just kinda hurt, I feel like I'm low priority on her friend list where as I considered her one of my really good friends.

as for the boobs, I know they'll start eventually. things just seem stagnant right now and it's frustrating. My friends have commented that this year is going by really fast. um, no way, not for me! this feels like the longest year of my life! time is not on my side, I wish things would hurry up lol! I know that everything with HRT is YMMV, so I just have to hang in there
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 16, 2017, 05:28:37 pm
As long as you don't gain, or even just avoid consistent gain, you are still making progress!

Well, that is what I told myself today anyway as I ate a piece of cake and way too much Chinese. ;D

Also, try not to read too much into that neutral feeling. It's the pitfall of any treatment, in that a stabilized state becomes the new normal, and we as humans fail to recognize the difference from how we were previously without an immediate contrast. I can only assume this applies to HRT and feeling feminine as well.

yeah, I keep telling myself that I'm good if I don't gain. I'm worried though, next weekend I'm gunna be drinking and consuming a lot of calories, so hopefully I'll keep things under control. I need to amp up my workouts but my knee has been bugging me. and this cold weather just makes me want to eat!!

and thanks, that's a good way to look at things for HRT and feeling feminine. things take time and I need to be patient, but it's hard, i'm anxious!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: rmaddy on October 16, 2017, 08:49:31 pm
Euphoria from HRT is probably from the thrill of making a decision not from the HRT itself.  Feeling somewhat better is one thing, but cis-women, cis-men don't run around feeling euphoric.  Don't be discouraged if you don't feel that much different.  The questions to ask yourself are, "Am I emotionally stable?", "Am I having undesirable side effects?", and "Do I like the physical changes so far (and look forward to more?"  If you have three yeses, there isn't much reason not to continue if you are still inclined to do so.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: elkie-t on October 16, 2017, 09:17:12 pm
They aren't comfortable with you being in between. It's easy to promise support, much more difficult to provide it for real. Take a pause, get on with your life, if someone from the group is more close or dear to you - maintain contact only with her and don't impose your company - if they want you, you will be invited, but don't try to hang to them. (But don't make a scene either - just maintain friendly contact and stop organizing).

Start a new hobby, make new acquaintances who would only know you as a trans girl.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 17, 2017, 05:49:34 am
Euphoria from HRT is probably from the thrill of making a decision not from the HRT itself.  Feeling somewhat better is one thing, but cis-women, cis-men don't run around feeling euphoric.  Don't be discouraged if you don't feel that much different.  The questions to ask yourself are, "Am I emotionally stable?", "Am I having undesirable side effects?", and "Do I like the physical changes so far (and look forward to more?"  If you have three yeses, there isn't much reason not to continue if you are still inclined to do so.

I know what you mean about the thrill of the decision! I started HRT in July but I started coming out to people back in February and that's what really got things going for me, I started being much happier! and yes, I'm emotionally stable and I do like the changes being made, I'm just bummed they're not happening fast enough lol. I def have a lot to look forward to!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 17, 2017, 05:55:13 am
They aren't comfortable with you being in between. It's easy to promise support, much more difficult to provide it for real. Take a pause, get on with your life, if someone from the group is more close or dear to you - maintain contact only with her and don't impose your company - if they want you, you will be invited, but don't try to hang to them. (But don't make a scene either - just maintain friendly contact and stop organizing).

Start a new hobby, make new acquaintances who would only know you as a trans girl.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think you are absolutely right with the in between thing. one thing is that all my friends have boyfriends and they'll probably think it's weird being seen in public with me presenting as male without their husbands or boyfriends around. another thing is that I think they may be uncomfortable holding secrets. the last time I saw one of the girls she told me that someone asked her husband about me, and of course they don't want to out me so they lied to the guy and claimed they didn't know if I was transitioning or not, and having your friends lie unfortunately puts them in an awkward position. I wanna do nice things for them to thank them for having my back but I can't do that when they don't want to be around me! and yeah, I think I am going to stop trying to organize things. I definitely don't text them as much as I used to either. there's a line in a song that I think is appropriate for this, "sometimes it's good to give your friends a chance to miss you". I'm contemplating going off facebook in a few weeks. my band has a show on november 4th and we're releasing a CD before then too, so I gotta stick around to promote it but after that I might just stick with instagram for a while, idk.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on October 17, 2017, 08:36:32 am
I think you are absolutely right with the in between thing. one thing is that all my friends have boyfriends and they'll probably think it's weird being seen in public with me presenting as male without their husbands or boyfriends around.

I have no idea if what I'm about to suggest is a good idea or not, but I'm kind of curious what people feel about it so will say it... What if you adopted your feminine behavior in full even when presenting as male? That way you get to express yourself, and onlookers will just assume "gay best friend" diffusing any awkwardness of being "the guy" hanging out with women. (I also want to say I don't mean this to assume stereotypes of gay men. Simply playing to a perception.)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: elkie-t on October 17, 2017, 09:28:26 am
I believe it's easier on people's perception (and your own wellbeing) to jump on into full female presentation once the big announcement is made.

Telling your friends 'I am transitioning, but then continuing to present male - keeps them off balance, they don't know if it was for real, if you are not changing your mind, forces them to hide their knowledge of it, and so on.

People can accept you as either male, or female, but have difficulty to accept you if you switching back and forth.



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Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 17, 2017, 05:28:06 pm
I have no idea if what I'm about to suggest is a good idea or not, but I'm kind of curious what people feel about it so will say it... What if you adopted your feminine behavior in full even when presenting as male? That way you get to express yourself, and onlookers will just assume "gay best friend" diffusing any awkwardness of being "the guy" hanging out with women. (I also want to say I don't mean this to assume stereotypes of gay men. Simply playing to a perception.)

honestly, I dunno if that would really work, and idk if i'd feel comfortable with it either lol. I do try to present a little femme, I put product in my hair to make it curly and a lot of the time I'll wear foundation but I don't do any eye or lip makeup. it's enough though where it got some of my friends wondering about me at least lol. I'm a pretty shy person anyways, so I can't really pull off a typical flamboyant gay behavior, and I'd feel weird trying. I just want to be me!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 17, 2017, 05:32:10 pm
I believe it's easier on people's perception (and your own wellbeing) to jump on into full female presentation once the big announcement is made.

Telling your friends 'I am transitioning, but then continuing to present male - keeps them off balance, they don't know if it was for real, if you are not changing your mind, forces them to hide their knowledge of it, and so on.

People can accept you as either male, or female, but have difficulty to accept you if you switching back and forth.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

very understandable, that makes a lot of sense, but it's hard! I needed to get this off my chest and tell people, but I'm nowhere near ready to go public yet. I wanna get a lot more electrolysis in before I go public, and I will also be looking for a new job in a few months. another thing is that I live with my mom right now, and I don't want to come out until I have my own place. I'm hoping maybe I can come out sometime in the early spring, but the wait is going to be hard. I may just have to keep to myself for a while
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Becca Kay on October 17, 2017, 07:38:16 pm
very understandable, that makes a lot of sense, but it's hard! I needed to get this off my chest and tell people, but I'm nowhere near ready to go public yet. I wanna get a lot more electrolysis in before I go public, and I will also be looking for a new job in a few months. another thing is that I live with my mom right now, and I don't want to come out until I have my own place. I'm hoping maybe I can come out sometime in the early spring, but the wait is going to be hard. I may just have to keep to myself for a while

I understand and i'm in a similar place.  a few of my closest friends know.  but I'm in the closet and just starting HRT and electrolysis.  I hate the way I look and I can't imagine full timing until my beard is gone and I lose more weight.  It make me feel very self conscious.  And on top of that i'm looking for a new job. 

I want to feel good about myself and more confident before I come out to every random person. 
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on October 17, 2017, 10:00:35 pm
honestly, I dunno if that would really work, and idk if i'd feel comfortable with it either lol.

In my head I wasn't thinking flamboyant gay, just feminine, but yeah I'd be uncomfortable doing it myself. ;D Was a total shot in the dark/off the wall idea. ;)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 18, 2017, 03:39:54 pm
sigh. so today I woke up to a bad omen. I woke up with an erection, which was very surprising, it's been like 2 months since that happened! I was pretty disappointed. and then an hour later I had a car accident. I left for work and the sun wasn't fully out yet, I was less than a mile from my house and the stretch of road I was on was a 50mph zone with woods on both sides of me. I wasn't speeding, I wasn't on my phone, and my headlights were on, and yet I still hit a deer. It was really bad, it caused a lot of damage to my car. I didn't see it until it was in my headlights and it was running when I hit it, so it had to have darted out across the road like a second or two before I hit it, I don't think  there's any way I could have avoided it. The good news is that I'm totally fine, and my insurance has been pretty easy to deal with so far, but I'm still a little shook up. I know this has nothing to do with my transition, but that friend that I was talking about in my posts a few days ago was actually the first person to message me after I posted about it on fb and say they're glad I'm ok, so now I feel bad about posting that stuff the other day :(
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 20, 2017, 06:00:31 am
I'm starting to get pretty bummed out. I woke up erect 3 days in a row now, and before that it hasn't happened since like august, and back then it was only one time!! what the heck is going on? It's been 5 weeks now since the doctor increased my estrogen and it's been 4 since I started taking more spiro, and I haven't felt any changes with the higher doses. and now I don't see the doctor again until december. should I maybe ask him about estrogen injections?

and to top it all off, I gained a pound this week  >:(

not a happy lady right now, but at least I get to dress up for a halloween party this weekend. I hope it goes well!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on October 20, 2017, 08:54:56 am
Maddie,

  Don't let it discourage you. The parts still work just not as well. I'm older and it has been many years since I awoke in that condition long before starting HRT. After starting I found a distinct lack od desire for umm activity which had  gone into overdrive prior to starting. Even now though very infrequent my body get an urge for relief though it is fruitless about once a month. You are younger (lucky girl) and the body will do what it pleases. I know this can be distressing but try to like of it and just another necessary bodily function the you have to put up with that will eventually be cured.
  Damn this sounds dumb, but I'm going to post it anyway.  I hope it does help if not just let me know and I'll remove it. I can't trust my  thinking these days. sorry

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 20, 2017, 03:51:43 pm
Maddie,

  Don't let it discourage you. The parts still work just not as well. I'm older and it has been many years since I awoke in that condition long before starting HRT. After starting I found a distinct lack od desire for umm activity which had  gone into overdrive prior to starting. Even now though very infrequent my body get an urge for relief though it is fruitless about once a month. You are younger (lucky girl) and the body will do what it pleases. I know this can be distressing but try to like of it and just another necessary bodily function the you have to put up with that will eventually be cured.
  Damn this sounds dumb, but I'm going to post it anyway.  I hope it does help if not just let me know and I'll remove it. I can't trust my  thinking these days. sorry

 Hugs,
   Laurie

thanks for your reply :) I actually haven't really had any sexual urges since I started transitioning, which is why I was really surprised to wake up like that! if it was just once then ok yeah whatever, but 3 times?! yikes!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 22, 2017, 01:52:25 pm
ok so I think my little morning problem has gone away lol, I didn't have any rude awakenings for the last 2 days :)

I wanna tell everyone about last night though! I went to a Halloween party and it was my first time being introduced as Maddie to people, and it was also my first time drinking in over 3 months. I had a couple of glasses of wine before everyone got there, and I still wasn't really feeling it yet, so I had a 3rd, and then it hit me when I was on my 4th, yikes. I maintained my composure though, I was wearing heels all night and didn't trip or anything and my makeup held up alright, although my lipstick was a little sloppy lol. People were calling me maddie but one girl did misgender me when she was raving about the ribs that I made for the party, and a couple times my friends slipped and referred to me by my male name. I had a little more to drink but I stopped before I got too crazy, I just got really tired and I was fighting to stay awake during pictionary and charades. I was nervous when it was my turn to go but I did get my team 2 points! yay! I was a little anti social the rest of the night. I was just waiting for people to leave so I could change and get to sleep on my friend's couch, I felt like I was coming down with a cold and just did not feel good. I'm going to another party next weekend and I don't think I am going to drink. I just don't like the way it makes me feel anymore, I don't need it and it's not worth the calories!

so while I was drunk at the party I did end up posting some pictures on facebook. I'm not out yet, i'm still presenting as male, but I've posted pics of me dressed as a woman for halloween before so I figured what the heck. this first picture got 41 reacts, 22 of which were "likes", 14 were "love", and unfortunately 5 were "haha". I got a few flattering comments too!
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22728696_10154849280231373_8316651802938967228_n.jpg?oh=41b8d32d005980bf71f74b4d4a500424&oe=5A83FA15)

this one got 23 reactions, 12 were "likes" and 11 were "love"
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22780428_10154849280676373_8472583242068288819_n.jpg?oh=7cfa49a2828d3cd0ea463edabdc3e215&oe=5A6F15CF)

this next pic only got one like, but I think it's because I forgot to post it with the initial set of pics, I just posted it in the comments, but this is my favorite one! These girls are 2 of my absolute best friends and have been so supportive of me, I really love them, but for some reason we always have a really hard time getting a good pic of the 3 of us, but I think this one turned out great!! Probably the best pic of the 3 of us lol
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22552325_10154849320831373_4250601487740295614_n.jpg?oh=858c849ea1a358ae2209d05dd6dd3fe1&oe=5A63AC99)

and then here's the ribs that I made that people were raving about, they came out really good! They were supposed to look like a heart and ribcage but I feel like the display could have looked a little better, oh well!
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22730103_10154849082216373_2905052953655734543_n.jpg?oh=76c90266b211b2f61a3a26da030d62f1&oe=5A64DCA4)

I'm gunna do a different costume next week I think, so I'll have another thread like this next sunday :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: elkie-t on October 22, 2017, 03:36:13 pm
Since you're loading your kidney with the work of processing hormones from the pill, you should be careful with the drinks. Your alcohol tolerance might be in the female range now - I won't say don't drink at all, but plan to have no more than 3 drinks for the whole night and pace yourself accordingly.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 22, 2017, 04:28:40 pm
Since you're loading your kidney with the work of processing hormones from the pill, you should be careful with the drinks. Your alcohol tolerance might be in the female range now - I won't say don't drink at all, but plan to have no more than 3 drinks for the whole night and pace yourself accordingly.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

yeah, next time I drink I'm definitely going to take it easy. I used to be a beer drinker so I'm not really used to wine just yet, it snuck up on me! I think it's gunna be a little while before I drink again, maybe x-mas or new year's, not sure yet. this was actually my first time drinking since I started HRT! I just don't think it's for me anymore, which I'm happy about, this means there's a very low probability of me becoming an alcoholic again!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: elkie-t on October 23, 2017, 07:30:24 am
yeah, next time I drink I'm definitely going to take it easy. I used to be a beer drinker so I'm not really used to wine just yet, it snuck up on me! I think it's gunna be a little while before I drink again, maybe x-mas or new year's, not sure yet. this was actually my first time drinking since I started HRT! I just don't think it's for me anymore, which I'm happy about, this means there's a very low probability of me becoming an alcoholic again!
Again, and as usual - I'd recommend to watch for, and copy cis-women... If they drink at all, what do they drink, how often and when they stop and let it wear off. Regardless of your previous experiences and tolerances for alcohol - you don't have that capacity anymore.
And I'm not saying you should drink, rather - what to watch for when you decide to have another one with friends.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 24, 2017, 02:45:27 pm
Again, and as usual - I'd recommend to watch for, and copy cis-women... If they drink at all, what do they drink, how often and when they stop and let it wear off. Regardless of your previous experiences and tolerances for alcohol - you don't have that capacity anymore.
And I'm not saying you should drink, rather - what to watch for when you decide to have another one with friends.

that's good advice! I've noticed before that my female friends seemed to drink less, but I never watched them closely, I'll keep a better eye out next time!

and for another topic, I think my breasts are actually starting to develop now! I know this has happened a few times where it turned out to be nothing, but this time feels different. I think it's hard to tell since I've had moobs since I was like 8 lol. my nipples seem a little puffy and it doesn't hurt but there's definitely some sort of sensation going on in that area, and when I go to feel around a bit it seems more pleasurable than it used to be. sorry, I don't mean to sound weird haha, I'm just excited and this is making me happy :) my little morning problem that I mentioned last week went away for 2 days over the weekend but the last 2 mornings it came back, and I wonder if it has something to do with breast development somehow
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on October 29, 2017, 11:45:27 am
not much to update on since my last post. I still feel my breasts developing, but I feel like my left one is coming along a little slower  :P

as for the weight loss, last week I weighed in and I gained a pound, i was at 195, then Friday I weighed and I was down to 192.5!! that made me pretty happy!

Also, I just wanted to share some pics from last night

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22814192_10154864345351373_4762902915285258949_n.jpg?oh=8d27719ca0f0d06d821e00cb4a14c4f4&oe=5AA79650)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22814399_10154864346091373_6447974638671270074_n.jpg?oh=e1b76f1384d4f9d68ba2d61af3f66ec4&oe=5A7C10AA)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22814448_10154865258731373_412589673275518135_n.jpg?oh=790f09181d43f199e0f475ed40694ea9&oe=5A65B061)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 07, 2017, 05:12:04 pm


I've been kinda sad over the last few days because I'm sensing a disconnect between me and some of my friends. I know they're busy but I have this feeling that they're keeping their distance from me for some reason, or at least one of them is. they'll still text me and chat but anytime I ask about hanging out they make excuses. When I first came out to them they were really supportive and we'd talk about doing all this stuff and having girls nights but that never really happened. We've hung out a few times but every time I was still presenting as male. I'm still early in my transition and I want to have nights where I go out dressed as a woman but it's hard to get them to commit to anything. this transition is going to be a lot lonelier than I expected! it's weird because my male friends who know about me are still down to hang out when they can. and there's a couple guys who I heard suspect that I'm transitioning and I've noticed that they've actually been friendlier towards me! I dunno, maybe i'm overthinking things, but I'm always the one to initiate conversation, it'd just nice if someone would randomly text me and ask how I'm doing.

ok, so the above quote is something I posted 3 weeks ago. I got over it and shrugged it off as me just building stuff up in my head. Unfortunately, I should have listened to myself in the first place. This post is gunna be a little long, sorry.

I'll start with talking about my friday night. my band had a show a couple hours away in Rochester and I was really looking forward to seeing my one friend from there. She's one of my absolute best friends and she knows about my transition, so being able to hang out with her all night would have been a huge relief. I'm in a band with 2 guys and we played a show with 2 other bands that were all male. those bands are also good friends of mine that I've known for a long time but I still felt out of place hanging with them. I don't know if it's the gender thing though, it could also be because they're all big partiers and I don't drink anymore. Well my girlfriend up there had a really rough day at work and she ended up not going, and I felt really bummed about that. I ignored the text she sent to me where she bailed and I felt really bad about doing that, but anything I would have said back to her probably just would have been depressing, so what's the point of making her feel bad if the reason she didn't come to see me in the first place is cuz she was already feeling bad? I was hurt but sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut. I talked with her for a while last night and things are fine now, but it got worse for me on saturday night.

so last week I found out that I was going to have the house to myself this coming friday night, so I messaged the girls from the above quote about having people over. well, my message was seen the night that I sent it but it was ignored until the next day. One of them responded saying she was going to pass. She works out a lot and has a competition coming up and she's usually pretty strict with her diet, so she didn't want to be tempted to drink and eat poorly (I said I was gunna cook for the party). Once she bailed another girl said she couldn't go because she had an event the next day that she had to do some stuff for, and then the other girl said she was free, but she didn't commit to coming over. It seems like every time I ask them to do something I'm either ignored or just kind of shrugged off, there's always an excuse to not see me, but usually empty promises of "we'll do something soon". well saturday night I was scrolling through my instagram to see a pic by one of the girls. the pic was of the fitness girl at the other girl's house drinking wine and being silly. I've practically been begging them for a girls night for months and now they go ahead and do one without me. I was f'ing crushed, it destroyed the rest of the weekend for me and I was even still feeling really depressed about it last night. I ended up deactivating my facebook page too. I was planning on doing that for a while actually but this made me pull the trigger. Why did the fitness girl have to lie to me? she said she didn't wanna come to my place because of her diet and yet there she is a day or two later drinking with her friends. I kinda get it, these girls are best friends and have been for a long time, but over the last 6 or 7 months I was getting a lot closer with them, or at least I thought so, and they know I've been dying to hang out with them. I've always just wanted to be one of the girls but now it's pretty obvious that this group of girls is never going to see me that way, so I'm stepping back. I didn't say anything to them because I know it's a bad idea. If they reach out to me then I'll talk but I'm done trying to make things happen with them. I thought they were more supportive of me but I think I've worn out my welcome, I just wish I knew what I did to make them shut me out :( It's weird, they will still talk to me, but when it comes to seeing them in person, whether it's in public or private, it just seems to be off the table.

On a more positive note, I ended up coming out to someone last night, which is the first time since August that I've come out to someone. I actually kinda wanted to tell him for a while now but I didn't know how to bring it up. He lives in Ohio now and i'm in central NY and we don't talk much, but we were talking about music last night through texts and then he just kinda brought it up. he said there was something he's been wanting to ask me but he didn't want me to be offended. He saw my halloween pictures and said that I look happy in them and he asked if I was happier that way, and then I decided to tell him. It went well, he was really happy for me. I didn't tell him this but he was a small part of me deciding to transition. He got sober a few years back, and last winter I was about a month sober and I asked him about thinking differently after being sober for a while, because I was noticing more clarity in my life. He told me there was definitely less brain fog, and then after that I knew I had to confront myself and transition. If these thoughts are still with me after all these years at a time when I'm thinking clearer than ever after trying to repress them then they're here to stay, they're not going anywhere and I need to do something about it! haha sorry, I went on writing longer than I thought I was going to lol, didn't mean to ramble!

one last thing. aside from my breasts finally being sensitive for the last 2 or 3 weeks, I haven't noticed any new changes... until yesterday. Sorry, this is gross, but I um, tried to relieve some stress lol, and I had my first ever dry orgasm. it was really weird. it didn't depress me or anything, I honestly don't know how to feel about it. I never think much about sex anymore, and this was the first time I did it in at least a week or two! Am I officially impotent now?
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: rmaddy on November 07, 2017, 06:32:40 pm

Am I officially impotent now?

Such an ugly word, and also ambiguous.  If you mean sterile, probably.  If you mean unable to perform sexually, obviously not.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on November 07, 2017, 06:38:53 pm
Such an ugly word, and also ambiguous.  If you mean sterile, probably.  If you mean unable to perform sexually, obviously not.

Unless she just wanted to know if she was important in a Cajun accent, then the answer is a definitive yes. But that probably wasn't what she was asking, so I'll go now.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 14, 2017, 04:16:54 pm
ok so my last post was kind of a bummer, but this one will be a lot more positive :)

So Friday I weighed in and I'm down to 190lbs! my next goal is 186, so it'd be nice if I lose another 2 this week. earlier this year there were some months where I would lose 10lbs! that's slowed down a lot since starting HRT, since starting it's taken me 4 months to lose 24lbs, but that's ok, I'm lookin good and should hopefully be at end goal of 175 within the next couple months.

I think my body hair is finally starting to thin out a little. The last time I did any hair removal was 2.5 weeks ago, and while there is some growth it's definitely not as fast as it used to be. it does seem to be thinning a little and not as dark, but some spots are still pretty dark. Hopefully it will have thinned out a lot more by the spring, I think that's when I'm gunna try to come out to everyone

my breasts are still sensitive! I met a friend of mine today and it hurt my chest when he hugged me lol. I actually wore a sports bra to the park last night for the first time and my jog definitely wasn't as painful, so I'm going to try and wear one every time I jog now. It's cold so no one will notice it under a coat, flannel, and t-shirt

so after feeling bad last week I did some things to cheer me up. Friday night I went to my friends' house and their daughters had me cracking up, they're 2 and 7 and they're both just so cute and funny, my face actually hurt from smiling so much! their oldest daughter absolutely loves me but the younger one is still pretty shy, but she's been coming around a bit, the other night she wouldn't leave me alone after warming up to me

The next day I took a little trip up to Ithaca because I wanted to get out of town. I went and grabbed breakfast and then had some time to kill before the shops opened. I ended up going for a hike at buttermilk falls. It's a beautiful trail but it was a little dangerous because it was icy and I was wearing chuck taylors lol. The last time I was there was 2011 and I was over 300lbs at the time, I barely made it up the trail before having to turn around and go back down, but this time I did great!! I went up the main trail and back down in about an hour. I don't think the distance is too long but there's a LOT of stairs, so I got a good workout! Then I rewarded myself with lunch at my favorite mexican restaurant! after that I drove 20 minutes into the middle of nowhere to check out a cemetery in the woods that I heard was haunted. I didn't have any experiences but it was still neat to see. Then I came home and had a fun night bowling with some friends. I got a little dysphoric though when some of the girls there started dancing and it was so beautiful and graceful and fun, I wish I could just let go and be less uptight! I need to learn to dance!

This morning I went shopping with a girlfriend and I had a lot of fun! It was with one of the girls that I thought was avoiding me but now I feel silly about that whole thing. She met me at the mall an hour and a half before all the stores opened so we just walked around for a while and talked, it was good to catch up, I haven't seen her since August! We both have Penneys credit cards and we both needed stuff from Sephora so we went at 10 when they opened. I have a friend that works at Sephora, so that's a huge relief for me. I needed a new eyeshadow palette, I was thinking about the new Urban Decay Heavy Metal one and while I liked it, it just wasn't me. I ended up getting a Too Faced Holiday Palette that I totally fell in love with. the colors are great and it also came with a mascara and a lipstick and a daily planner for 2018 that had a bunch of cute stickers in it. annnnd each month there's makeup tips for good looks for each month of the year, I'm super happy with my purchase! I bought some new clothes too, a top and a pair of leggings. The leggings are maroon with a black floral pattern and they're cute and soooo comfy and my legs seriously look great in them! I got an olive green top that I really like the look of and it's also comfy but I think it's actually too big on me!! I think I might take it back and get a smaller size.

I shaved my face last night and I can't really shave again until this weekend because I have electrolysis thursday night. i'm gunna play around with my new makeup after I can shave again, I got a new foundation that looks great on me! I had a great hair day today too and I'm starting to feel a lot better about myself, so hopefully I can have another night out soon and dress up, I feel like I'm getting pretty cute  :D
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on November 14, 2017, 04:33:26 pm
It's amazing what a little makeup and a nice outfit can do for one's self esteem.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on November 14, 2017, 07:12:13 pm
Glad to hear things picked up Maddie!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 14, 2017, 08:49:17 pm
It's amazing what a little makeup and a nice outfit can do for one's self esteem.

sometimes the little things can make a big difference!

Glad to hear things picked up Maddie!

Thanks! And I've been watching "the Roll show", I'm happy for you and excited for you to start hrt!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on November 14, 2017, 09:39:21 pm
Hi Maddie,

   I am glad to see you are finding ways to handle things when you are feeling a little down. I am glad you were able to get to a better place and have fun with your friends.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 18, 2017, 03:22:05 pm
soooo yesterday was my 4 month anniversary of starting hormones! my breasts have been sore lately, I try not to touch them anymore lol. I think my skin has been the same softness for a while now, but I think my body hair growth has finally slowed down, it seems a little thinner now too. my genitals are definitely a little smaller than they used to be lol, but I try to not pay much attention to them lol. no new mental changes that I've noticed

I had my first therapy session today since May. it was good to see my therapist but overall I'd say it was uneventful. I made my next appointment for February.

on the health front I started going a little more intense with my last couple jogs. I used to do jogs that were just under 3 miles, but today and thursday I jogged 5.4 miles! it's more exhausting but I'm proud of myself! Hopefully next week I'll start seeing some results on the scale! speaking of the scale, I had to get a new one. my old one wasn't digital and it kept giving me different readings every time I stepped on it. I don't think my new scale likes me very much, it says I'm 6lbs heavier than my last one did!

Other than that, not too much goin on. Yesterday I shopped for women's clothing alone for the first time. the last couple times I did it with some girlfriends. yesterday I had to make a return and no one could go with me, so I took a top back and got a new one. it went well, nothing awkward :) Also, I just played around with my new eyeshadow palette. it came with a lipstick and mascara and I really like both of them! Too Faced makes some great stuff!

oh yeah! I'm thinking about setting a coming out date, the first day of Spring. I'm not sure yet if I can pull it off, I might need another month to get ready, I have so much I need to do! it's getting harder to not live as myself yet!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on November 18, 2017, 04:08:01 pm
 Maddie,

  I am glad to see things are still progressing well for you and it is especially nice to read you talking about a debut in spring. Put some flowers in your hair and go for it girl. Or was that going to San Francisco? Oh well whateva, Keep up the happy progress.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 18, 2017, 04:31:35 pm
Maddie,

  I am glad to see things are still progressing well for you and it is especially nice to read you talking about a debut in spring. Put some flowers in your hair and go for it girl. Or was that going to San Francisco? Oh well whateva, Keep up the happy progress.

Hugs,
   Laurie

aw thank you :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 23, 2017, 12:43:34 pm
Happy thanksgiving everyone!! I just wanted to say how thankful I am that I found this website, it has helped me a lot and there are so many wonderful people on here, so thank you thank you!!

No updates on my transition really, but I do wanna mention that I ran my first ever run today! It was a 5 miler and I ran it with a friend and it was awesome! I didn't stop to walk once, which I am really proud of! My time was 52:26!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on November 24, 2017, 06:03:59 am
Congratulations.  That's great news to hear.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 27, 2017, 08:32:37 am
I had such a fun weekend!! I'm gunna post some stuff about the last few nights, some is transition stuff and some is just about my overall well being  :)

So Friday night I went out for the first time in a while with a certain group of friends. The girl I ran the race with on thursday set something up for her boyfriend's birthday while he was in town, so we started the night by going to a new brewery. Then we went to another bar and my friend Nicole kept me company most of the time while the boys hung out and did their thing. She invited me outside at one point to talk while she smoked and she told me that she really wants to just call me Maddie lol. She told me that she ended up telling her boyfriend about me a couple months ago, which I'm fine with, I was actually going to ask her about it, I know that's a big secret to keep from him and I know that from his perspective it seems a little sketchy to see your girlfriend hanging out with someone presenting as male while you're miles apart (they have a long distance relationship but she's moving in with him soon). She said he was accepting and happy for me, which is awesome! She said she can already see changes in me and that my face already looks more feminine. She said I have a really feminine nose, which I thought was funny cuz I always hated my nose! Talking to her made me feel really good about myself, she's the sweetest person ever and made me feel really accepted. So remember a few weeks ago on here when I was bummed out about about these girls hanging out without me? She actually brought that up and she said she felt terrible about it, she said they never really get to see each other and it was a last minute thing. I have a feeling that I'm not going to be excluded next time around. She's having a going away party in a few weeks and she said I should come as Maddie because no one will care, but I don't know if I'm ready for that just quite yet. After the bar she invited me to our other friend's house, so a few of us went up there and hung out for a while and it was really fun. I didn't get home until about 2am, which is very rare for me, and I still woke up at 7 the next morning out of habit lol. Oh, and the whole night I only had one beer!

Saturday night I hung out with 2 of my friends that I almost never get to see. They don't know about me yet and I considered telling them but our conversation never got to the point where I felt like it would be a good time to bring it up so I just let it go, but I know they would be supportive. I was actually wearing foundation that night and I did my hair in a feminine style and no one said anything, aside from this girl's mom, she called me goldy locks lol. I've known this girl's cousin since I was 5 and she invited me out to dinner with her mom, aunts, and cousins and she said I should come cuz I'm basically family <3 after the family thing I went to the wine bar with just the 2 of them and we just chilled and chatted with the bartender all night that I'm good friends with. The bartender knows about my transition so I texted her the next day and asked if it was obvious that I was wearing makeup and she said no. She's actually the one who sold it to me cuz she works at Sephora too, so I trust her opinion lol. As I was giving my friends a ride back home my one friend said that she really likes my group of friends and that they're some of the best people she's met from the area, and that made me feel really good. I had 2 glasses of wine that night and I drank them slowly and felt a very small buzz from it, so it went a lot better than the last time I drank!

So last night I had a meeting with a small group of people that I'm setting up a show with. There's a thing called "Lady Fest" that's a national event where people can set one up in their own town and we are organizing one for my area in April. We were talking about what bands to get and one of my friends (the one member of the group that knows about me) wants to include bands that are allies to the cause but may not have any members that are female, trans, gay, or non-binary, and I'm on her side, I feel like they should be included, but a couple other people disagreed, and I definitely see where they are coming from too. So I texted my one friend after the meeting saying that I think I'm gunna have to come out to the group soon because I felt weird being there with others under the assumption that I'm a straight cis-male, there were a few times where I wanted to speak up about something but I didn't because of that. I have a band that I want to be included in one of the shows, and I mentioned that to my friend in the text saying that I wanna play but I think I should just let it go for now, even though I plan on hopefully being out by the day of the show. She wrote back to me saying that she had dinner after the meeting with the one girl who thought the allies should be excluded and as they were leaving this girl asked about me. She asked my friend what pronouns I prefer and my friend told her that it's something she would have to ask me herself. She then told my friend to tell me that she loved me, which is really sweet. My friend said she is under the assumption that this girl thinks I'm non-binary.

Also, I wanna note that my avatar is from over the summer before I started HRT, I think I'm gunna try to get some new pics this week and update it. I'll post some pics in here and then this thread might not have much activity for a couple weeks but I'll post an update after I go see my doctor on December 15th :)

sorry for the long post, if you made it all the way through then thanks for reading! I love you girls and I love having a place like this to write about things!

Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on November 27, 2017, 09:17:41 am
That all sounds great, I'm glad everything worked out with thing from a few weeks ago! :)

I agree with you on the bands thing, it seems strange to me to not be inclusive. Any band willing to play an event like that deserves recognition too.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 27, 2017, 01:21:42 pm
That all sounds great, I'm glad everything worked out with thing from a few weeks ago! :)

I agree with you on the bands thing, it seems strange to me to not be inclusive. Any band willing to play an event like that deserves recognition too.

Thanks! I'm glad it worked out too, but I'm not sure if the other 2 girls felt bad about or not, idk if it was something they all discussed or not, Nicole is the only one who talked to me about it and I didn't really say anything. you can't change the past and I don't wanna make them feel bad because I feel like I would be guilting them into hanging out with me, best to just let it go at this point. I'm still gunna leave them alone a bit, I'm an excitable person and I don't want that to get to the point where i'm overbearing. I'll be seeing all of them again in a few week and a couple more times during the holiday season.

as for the event, yeah, I don't think we should be exclusive, especially since we're having a hard time finding bands already! A lot of them don't respond or want too much money (it's a charity event for YWCA and Trans Lifeline). The one girl's argument was that if it was a black event, would it be ok for an all white band to play? My friend's answer was no but it's different. The other girls said that it's not. The one girl against it was saying that anyone can come but not anyone could play, but I feel like if someone gets rejected from being able to play then they won't feel welcome and won't support it at all. Last year there was a similar event and I really wanted to play and I was told I couldn't, and I was very bummed out about it. I still went and I had fun but I thought that there were a lot of people I know that should have been there but weren't, and then a lot of people who came out to this never ended up coming out to support other local music shows. There's definitely a divide in the local music scene, I want to unite it it!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on November 27, 2017, 03:07:03 pm
  I agree with Ellie nothing there to complain about and you are gaining more offline support which is great. I like the idea of you updating your avatar and am going to hold you to it.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on November 27, 2017, 05:49:29 pm
It's a shame they aren't being more inclusive. Part of the problem with making everything requisite of a specific identity, is you wind up alienating people who could be some of your greatest allies. Conflating gender identity (or for that matter sexual orientation) with race or ethnicity also feels like it is a mistake, and I agree with the girl who said that's different. Regardless, it's exciting!

And like Laurie, I want to see new avatar too! :D
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 27, 2017, 06:01:48 pm
  I agree with Ellie nothing there to complain about and you are gaining more offline support which is great. I like the idea of you updating your avatar and am going to hold you to it.

Hugs,
   Laurie

hehe thanks, you can start scolding me if I don't have one up by friday! :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 27, 2017, 06:03:57 pm
It's a shame they aren't being more inclusive. Part of the problem with making everything requisite of a specific identity, is you wind up alienating people who could be some of your greatest allies. Conflating gender identity (or for that matter sexual orientation) with race or ethnicity also feels like it is a mistake, and I agree with the girl who said that's different. Regardless, it's exciting!

And like Laurie, I want to see new avatar too! :D

yeah, I'm gunna have lunch with my friend tomorrow and talk about this. She's the one who knows about me and is all for including allies. I'm gunna try to brainstorm with her and make a stronger argument the next time we discuss the issue
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on November 27, 2017, 06:26:25 pm
yeah, I'm gunna have lunch with my friend tomorrow and talk about this. She's the one who knows about me and is all for including allies. I'm gunna try to brainstorm with her and make a stronger argument the next time we discuss the issue

Well, as far as the ethnicity/race comparison, you could try pointing out that there are really two main types of events. General advocacy type events (classic civil rights stuff), and events based around showcasing disenfranchised talent. In the case of advocacy, there is no expectation for the performers to hold to a particular identity. There is often a skew certainly simply as a matter of logistics, but it's rarely a requirement. (Ie: You are more likely to have a larger number of black artists sign up to participate in a black lives matter concert than you are random white bands, but that doesn't mean they would turn away anyone who fit the lineup and audience just because they were not black.) What the girl against inclusion seems to be thinking of is more the other type of event showcasing or celebrating those who are disenfranchised because of their identity. For example, black artists are often overlooked by many mainstream awards shows, so it makes sense to limit the pool for an award show developed explicitly to recognize those artists. Same concept for a concert. So if there was a large array of trans artists or bands with trans members not receiving attention because of that status, then yeah that would make sense. But somehow I doubt this is the case, and imagine it more along the lines of a general advocacy event?
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 30, 2017, 03:12:07 pm
ok, well earlier this week I said I'd take some new pics, so here they are! They're not so great, I could have done a better job with the makeup, I don't like the eyeshadow color lol (I love this lip color though!!), and I feel like I look awkward in all of them and the lighting isn't very good, but I spent so much time getting ready for em that I felt like I needed to post em anyways, think any of them are avatar worthy? most of these clothes are new, I got to small for a lot of my old ones! 2 things that I really don't like: my white cami is way too sheer, that's why I crossed my arms in those pics. also, I didn't do a good job blending my makeup from my neck to my chest, I think I need a lighter shade. oh well, here ya go!

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/24232127_10154938587881373_3375921511351324758_n.jpg?oh=e05fb11567c370bc0f1a62379f31abed&oe=5AD69C6E)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/24129617_10154938587926373_8211821862933878634_n.jpg?oh=50edd05c686180f66c2afd1eef8be6ea&oe=5A902E71)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/24129531_10154938588036373_2036038644691689299_n.jpg?oh=58cb39cc988ae63e9b3a87b5014ff6c9&oe=5AD73F59)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/24067999_10154938588181373_6834100772271173760_n.jpg?oh=01e3f0449ee571f3b0296f7e7072d21d&oe=5A978905)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/24068085_10154938588256373_4311036376470123293_n.jpg?oh=70204273e5ccaf96f5353d5ad7f8f0d4&oe=5A98924D)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on November 30, 2017, 04:57:56 pm
Wow, looking really good! Feminine figure is really showing through heavily in those pictures.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 30, 2017, 05:15:26 pm
aw, thank you! <3
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on November 30, 2017, 06:11:36 pm
Very nice Maddie and with a day to spare yet. I think you look nice in all of them. I think my favorite would be the top one that you are using for your avatar except for you cutting the top of your head off. Because of that I think I would chose the last on in the skirt. Crop to a bust shot (head and upper chest) is how I would do it for your avatar. All the shots are good and it was a hard choice for which I think would make a good avatar. The shadow and lipstick look good as does the rest of your makeup job. You done good girl. Real good.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on November 30, 2017, 07:26:40 pm
Very nice Maddie and with a day to spare yet. I think you look nice in all of them. I think my favorite would be the top one that you are using for your avatar except for you cutting the top of your head off. Because of that I think I would chose the last on in the skirt. Crop to a bust shot (head and upper chest) is how I would do it for your avatar. All the shots are good and it was a hard choice for which I think would make a good avatar. The shadow and lipstick look good as does the rest of your makeup job. You done good girl. Real good.

Hugs,
   Laurie

aw, thank you! I went with this avatar because I feel like my forehead is huge, and I'm self-conscious about my hairline because it's starting to thin out a bit :( I'm gunna play around with some other eyeshadow colors and maybe I'll post a new pic next time I dress up!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on November 30, 2017, 07:29:52 pm
aw, thank you! I went with this avatar because I feel like my forehead is huge, and I'm self-conscious about my hairline because it's starting to thin out a bit :( I'm gunna play around with some other eyeshadow colors and maybe I'll post a new pic next time I dress up!

  But Maddy, No one should lose their head over split hairs.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on December 08, 2017, 08:24:52 am
One more week until I go back to the doctor, yay! In 9 more days it will have been 5 months since I started HRT!! Honestly, I don't think I've really seen much new development over the last month, I think things are getting a little stagnant so hopefully he ups my estrogen again. I'm not on a super low dose anymore but I THINK there's still plenty of room for me to go higher

I had a few dreams this morning though that were kind of upsetting, regression seemed to be the theme in all of them. in the first one I was staring in the mirror and tearing up because I was fat again and I had a shaved head. I used to shave my head but the last time I did was 2011. In the dream you could really see that I had a lot of hair loss at the top of my head, I was a fat bald man and it was very upsetting. in my 2nd dream I saw 2 of my girlfriends that I feel like I've been on the outs with lately. in the dream I tried talking to them and then they said something that bummed me out (I don't remember what), so I turned around and started walking away and then they told me to wait and they walked up to me and started listing off the things they liked about me to try and cheer me up. I hung out with them over thanksgiving weekend and had fun and I thought things were fine now but then last weekend they did some fun stuff without me that I wish I could have been a part of. Then I had one more dream, it was job related. I'm at a point where I'm getting ready to leave my construction job and I'm terrified because it's been such a long time since I had to find a new line of work, and in this dream I actually went back to my first job that I had in high school, I was a dishwasher at a local Italian restaurant

also, I've been sick the last few days and it sucks. I was texting my one friend last night and she said that even though I'm on hormones it still sounded like I have "man flu"  :(

So I think Maddie will be making some more appearances soon. My friend is having a Slovak Christmas dinner at the end of the month for her friends and I think I'm gunna dress up for that. Some of the people there were at her halloween party and since it's out of town I think I wanna make it a point to be my female self any time I go up there now. I have a friend who is moving in January or February and I wanna go out with her as Maddie before she leaves. She's having a going away party on the 22nd that she said I should dress for but I don't think I'm ready for that quite yet. I'm gunna see if we can go to Syracuse or Ithaca for a night and I can dress for that. Or maybe dress up for a drag night in town

oh and one last thing, I think I'm about a week away from my next weight goal!! I wanna get to 192. I know I've said that 186 was my next goal, but I got a new scale a few weeks back and it turns out my old scale was off by 6lbs, so at 192 I will officially be down 100lbs since last december!! today I weighed in at 193.6!!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on December 08, 2017, 10:17:52 pm
Hi Maddy

  I'm sorry to hear you are not quite up to par. I actually had to google man flu and it gave me a chuckle. Hope you feel better soon.
  Congrats on the weight loss I should be doing something about mine but atm its not important to me. lol there's not much important to me these days. But anyway here's hoping you get that 192 mark soon 100 lbs is awesome. You can do it girl.
  Also I hope Maddy really enjoys her upcoming outings. And don't let them dreams bother you.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on December 15, 2017, 08:57:51 pm
Yay!! I had a prettyyyyy good visit with my doctor today!

This is the thing that I'm most excited about... my testosterone level! My doctor said that the average male level is between 160 and 726 nl/dL. back in September mine was at 54. He said that for his mtf trans patients the goal is to get down to 50 or lower. As of today mine is less than 20!!! He didn't change my spiro dose at this visit, which I am extremely happy about.

Unfortunately I still have quite a ways to go with my estrogen. Back in September I was at 32 pg/mL. Today I was at 47.3. He told me he wants me to be between 100 and 200. This time he's waiting 4 months between visits. He upped my dose of estrogen, so hopefully it helps, but I'm still pretty bummed that I'm less than half of where he wants me to be. I do know that this takes time, but in 4 months I will be at 9 months of HRT, so I may ask him about injections. He did examine my breasts and he definitely agreed that there is some female development, so that's good to know!

I asked about my potassium too and he said it was at 4.4 (I didn't get the measurements). last time it was at 4.0, so it's gone up but he said I don't have to worry about it just yet, and it's a very small percentage of people who do end up having to worry about it (that's just what he told me though, if you're wondering about it I'd recommend asking your doctor yourself!).

The day started off on kind of a sour note for me. I was really hoping I would be at 192.5lbs or less. I was at 193.4, I only lost .2 of a pound since last week!! I'm gunna work really hard at getting down to my goal by next Friday! I asked my doctor about my weight and he said I'm doing really good, and that I only really need to lose about 10 more lbs, he said to try and maintain 185. I got freaked out because I saw a BMI chart online that said I needed to get down to 165 to not be considered overweight. I talked to 2 friends who work out a lot and they said the chart was BS. My doctor said that in May my body mass was at 35, and now I'm at 29. He said I should aim for 26 or less.

So my doctor is an hour away from me, he's in Oneonta NY, and since I had the day off I decided to explore a bit. I'm familiar with that area pretty well so I hit up some neat stuff. I went up and got breakfast and then I hit up the school that some friends of mine used to go to and I drove by the house that my friend used to live at where she had some really fun parties, some of my first times ever getting drunk were up there! Then I grabbed lunch and headed up to Cooperstown. On the way there I stopped at a winery and did a tasting (I didn't like any so I didn't buy anything) and I also went to a really cute cider mill. They have a great gift shop, I bought a mug with a trick or treating puppy on it! After that I finally went into downtown Cooperstown. I didn't spend much time there, I just wanted to see the lake where the Susquehanna River starts. There's a lot of history to this spot, but it's a pretty dark history. It's where they started an expedition during the Rev War to travel down the river and wipe out any Native American villages. After that I hit up a couple cemeteries because I love exploring them. One I found was a really cool location, it was up on a hill in the woods that wasn't even a dirt path, it was just a grass trail! Good thing I have 4 wheel drive and new tires! After that I had my appointment and then I went and grabbed dinner and headed home :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on December 15, 2017, 11:15:45 pm
You have to ignore BMI, it is complete nonsense. Pseudo science at its finest based on very arbitrary standards established by non-representative samples that people latched onto as part of the modern nutrition fads. It's medical value is not even zero, it's an outright negative that is harmful to patients. I have no idea why so many doctors still reference it at all, as even the ones who do "off the record" will all say it is worthless. Lazy medicine I suppose.

Even the original creator of it (way back in that golden age of medicine, the 1830s) didn't intend it to be a measurement of health (the concept of obesity probably didn't even exist).
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on December 16, 2017, 12:49:32 am
It sounds like a pretty good day for you Maddie. Keep it up. You will make the weight you want.

Hugs
Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on December 19, 2017, 12:22:52 pm
I did it I did it I FREAKING DID IT!!!

I weighed in the morning and I was at 190.6lbs. I was trying to get to 192lbs because that's the 100lb mark. I LOST 100LBS SINCE LAST DECEMBER!!!

I'm so excited! I've been working so hard on this! I literally jumped for joy this morning after I weighed in!

Last week I asked my doctor what my end goal should be and he said about 180 to 185. I set a goal of 175 months ago, and I still have a little bit of a gut to lose, so I'm still going to try and get to it, but I think I probably won't be able to hit it until the spring, but I'm go with that :)

In other news, my chest has been going crazy since my latest estrogen increase :) the girls have been even more sensitive and they're starting to itch! I think I'm getting a little more emotional too.

Ok, so I feel bad sharing this pic because I look disgusting in it, but this is from back in February, which is when I decided that I was going to transition, this is right around when I started my weight loss journey. My fashion sense has gotten better since then, and I'm way better at doing my hair and makeup now too! I've come such a long way!

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t34.0-12/17198402_10154254387021373_1333765665_n.jpg?oh=3d718866605d3ed737832f4cfee098a0&oe=5A3AFBA1)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Roll on December 19, 2017, 12:59:46 pm
Yay!!! Huge accomplishment! I hope to be closing in on that 100 marker too, sooner or later. ;D

And don't feel bad about your old picture, just wait until I work up the courage to post mine. ;D

Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on December 19, 2017, 01:08:49 pm
 CONGRATS  Maddie 100 lbs is a lot to loose and you should feel great about it. You are doing well girl. Keep it up.

Hugs,
 Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on December 19, 2017, 01:43:09 pm
Thanks ladies :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Kc1058 on December 19, 2017, 04:54:15 pm
So happy for you Maddie- keep up the hard work girl!
-Christyn


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on December 19, 2017, 09:00:46 pm
So happy for you Maddie- keep up the hard work girl!
-Christyn


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

thank you :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on December 29, 2017, 07:57:08 am
Hi! So last night I went out in public as Maddie and it went well! I have a friend that's leaving town soon so a few of us went to a drag show. It was a good place for me to go out, I didn't get any weird stares or anything lol. I had a few glasses of wine and I think I'm done with alcohol for a while, they just gave me a stomach ache and kept me from sleeping well. I feel like my makeup came out really good but with the lighting in there I feel like I didn't get any pics that really did me justice. oh well

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26001231_10155004047146373_790050801143964575_n.jpg?oh=22043d48741ce61d008362cada9b6736&oe=5AB64280)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26165522_10155004047056373_1713706992945156870_n.jpg?oh=32eaae730fc2d72c7f87a4e52055d776&oe=5AB2A67A)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26000894_10155004047206373_1617884167694826338_n.jpg?oh=14e98ee4ec95e7a430532af51ecdc37b&oe=5ABE7844)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26056072_10155004047001373_8350619755715408572_n.jpg?oh=c30be24b3c5b8f9c5103743cdfafc4ce&oe=5AB49711)

on the HRT front I don't think there's really been any new developments really, but things are going well. As for the weight loss, I haven't weighed myself in a week and a half and honestly I'm scared to. It's been so cold so I can't go jogging outside anymore, I've actually been walking laps around the mall for exercise! I've been eating like garbage though because of the holidays, so I think I'm gunna hold off on weighing myself until like a week into the new year. I've been off work for a while now and I'm going back on Monday. I work construction and I'm gunna be on a job with my dad for 2 or 3 weeks. it sucks but I really need the money, and after that I'm gunna be looking really hard to get a new job because I really need an apartment asap. I found out on xmas that my sister is moving back from Oregon and she and I don't get along at all. I live with my mom right now and my sister (and her deadbeat boyfriend) would be moving back in with us for a while. I wanted to get out of here anyways, I can't come out while I'm still living with my mom, so now I'm really making a push to get on my own
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on December 29, 2017, 12:54:10 pm
Hi Maddy,

  It looks like you and the girls did have a good time. The pictures are nice and I really like the one with the halos as you really look your best in that one. I'm not really fond of the wings though. I am glad you  got your time out with your girlfriends.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on December 29, 2017, 02:27:36 pm
Hi Maddy,

  It looks like you and the girls did have a good time. The pictures are nice and I really like the one with the halos as you really look your best in that one. I'm not really fond of the wings though. I am glad you  got your time out with your girlfriends.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Thanks! yeah, I like that one too, I look happiest in that one! 2 things I plan on working on for 2018 is my dancing and my smile. I try not to show my teeth when I smile and because of that I end up looking awkward sometimes, oops!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on December 29, 2017, 06:00:55 pm
I think that you look best in the halo picture because you look more relaxed,  your head is up more, you can see your eyelids and it seems more natural. Your other pictures strike me as more intense as if you are concentrating on something... perhaps on looking relaxed and natural. You are comfortable in the halo picture.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on January 01, 2018, 09:43:56 am
Happy new year everyone!! I'm really hopeful for 2018! I will hopefully start living full time in a few months and finally come out to everyone! I need my own apartment first so I'm going to be focusing on that for the next few months, and I need a new job! I'm nervous but I think things are going to be ok! In this next year I'm going to get to see one of my best friends get married and another one of my best friends is going to have a baby! I'm so excited!!!

I went to a party as Maddie a few nights ago and it went well for the most part. I could have done a better job on my makeup, it was pretty rough under my nose because I have a little bit of a cold lol, but my outfit was really cute! I'm a shy person so I didn't mingle much with people I didn't know, but it went better than the Halloween party that was at the same house, this time I didn't drink. I tried getting some pics but none of them came out good so I'm not gunna post em lol.

I hope everyone is doing well! Things are going to get difficult, but I know that there's also amazing things ahead of me and hopefully for everyone else here too! <3
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on January 17, 2018, 03:42:53 pm
Ok, so it's been almost 3 weeks since I've updated! I don't post here as much anymore because I branched out and I'm trying to be more active now in other parts of the board lol. In case anyone missed it, I did post in the coming out section last weekend, I finally told my sister about my transition! she's my first family member I've told!

The reason I came here to post today is because it's the 6 month anniversary of me starting HRT!!! I have a private facebook group for my friends that know about my transition, so I'm just gunna copy and paste a post that I wrote to them:

"Ok so this is going to be a long one! I broke things down into sections though so you can skip over what you don't want to read about. Today is the 6 month anniversary of when I started hormones, so I wanted to reflect on all the changes that have happened to me so far. Also, I'm a few more weeks away from the one year anniversary of when I first started coming out to friends! The first friend I came out to said that I seemed like I was trapped and tortured for such a long time and she was absolutely right. I used to talk a lot in my sleep (sometimes even yell, apparently) and I had a sleepwalking problem too and I think this was the cause of it. Sometimes I used to wake up and I swear I could hear myself yelling at myself! It stopped as soon as I started coming out to people, it's almost like I used to be possessed and coming out was my exorcism. I've noticed a lot of great changes so far and I'm so excited for more! Basically by starting hormone replacement therapy I'm putting my body through puberty again, but this time a female one. Hormones take time to work their magic, I guess it's typically 3 to 4 years for the changes to reach their full effect, so I have a long road ahead of me, but thankfully I'm lucky enough to have some amazing people in my life for support <3

Mental- So over the last year I've been trying to be more positive in general. I used to be mean at times and I hate that about my former self and I'm so glad that I left it behind. I see now that "offensive humor" is just really dumb and that it hurts people. I think I used to keep my emotions guarded because I was afraid to let my true self show, but once I finally started coming out to people it was just so enlightening and I could finally act how I wanted and everything came pouring out. I guess I was always conflicted, there was definitely a nice side of me with high morals but sometimes I kept bad company and I lost sight of that, but ultimately I can only blame myself for my actions and I'm taking full responsibility and I'm moving forward. I have no problems letting my emotions show anymore. The hormones have definitely made me more emotional, which I'm happy about but I'm still trying to get a full grasp on. I'm making progress though, it's been months since I cried over a pretty cloud lol. For a while I was smiling a lot more, but lately I've been a bit more sad and sometimes I just feel like crying for no real reason. I think it might be seasonal, I really miss being able to go to the park and jog, I've always been pretty sentimental but I've been more so lately. Personality wise I do act a bit more femme depending on who I'm around, it's weird. When I'm at work I don't really have any male fails, but my female personality comes out a lot more around my friends. I've noticed I seem to talk to myself more now. Not like full conversations, but when I'm alone I'll just randomly blurt things out. To be honest, I don't feel super feminine all the time, and I'm kinda bummed about that, but I definitely don't feel like a male either, I guess I just feel sort of in between right now, but I'm hoping that once I'm presenting as female full time I will have more mental changes along with it. I used to have some real anger issues and I hated that about myself, I almost feel like I inherited it from my dad but also I think it might just be a typical male thing, I don't know, all I know is that I hate getting worked up and mad, especially because it makes me feel like my dad. Instead of getting angry I usually get sad now, but my mom has a way of pushing my buttons sometimes and I yell at her and then I feel absolutely terrible about it. I really hate when this happens, it's one of the bigger reasons why I need to get out on my own, my sister told me that my relationship with my mom will get better once I move out, we'll see.
Social- Obviously I've been hanging with the girls a lot more, and I love it! I always have such a good time being around women, it's a lot more fun and easy going! Guys can be very mean, even if it's in jest, at times I had to be very defensive and I'd act hostile towards some of my guy friends, but that's another thing that's in the past now. I'm still down to hang out with my male friends, but I never really get invited out or anything. I'd rather hang out one on one than go out for a "guys night", Dave still hangs out with me one on one and he's pretty much the only male who still does. I think others would too but no one seems to have time to do stuff like that anymore, part of getting older I guess. I know I have a lot of amazing friends and I'm well loved but there's still a lot of times where I feel super lonely and down on myself and I feel like no one likes me, I definitely have some self esteem issues I need to work on. Also, I'm doing a bad job at hiding my transition. At this point none of my friends that I haven't told yet are going to be surprised when I come out. I know there's a lot of whispering going on behind my back, some people have talked to me about it and set me up in a good situation to tell them about me, but a lot of others don't talk to me personally, they ask my friends about it and that kind of bothers me a little because it puts my friends in awkward situations where they have to cover for me, and if that's happened to you then I'm truly sorry about that. Another small thing I've noticed is that a lot of my old male friends don't like my posts on fb and ig as much anymore, even if I'm not posting anything where I'm acting too girly haha.

Voice- this is one of the biggest things I need to work on. I feel like my vocal mannerisms can be girly at times, but the tone/pitch of my voice is nowhere near the female range, and I've had some very difficult times recording vocals for my band because it really triggers my dysphoria. I know there's a trans woman in Ithaca who gives voice lessons but right now I don't really have the time or money to set up an appointment. I think I can look into youtube lessons but it will be easier to practice talking to myself when I have my own apartment.
Skin- This was one of the first things I noticed changing! My skin started to look a lot healthier after just 10 days! Guys have pretty greasy skin and mine is a lot dryer now, I don't moisturize as often as I should, I really need to get in the habit of it. My skin used to be very blotchy, I usually lay on my bed with my left hand on my cheek while looking at my computer and you could see marks on my face from it but it doesn't get like that anymore. I have allergies and my skin gets itchy and breaks out at times, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. It's been bad lately but I think it's because I haven't been eating well, I've been letting my diet slip and I need to get back on track. My skin is definitely softer now but I still have a ways to go until it gets super soft, but I think I'll get there eventually.

Hair- So when I'm not using any products my hair is definitely dryer and less greasy than it used to be. I used to have to wear hats all the time but I stopped that months ago, I can almost always brush it out to a point where it doesn't look gross anymore. It's definitely softer now and it does get tangled a lot but I don't get nearly as many split ends as I used to. I haven't noticed any increase in length, I've been growing it since 2011 so I think it's as long as it's going to get. After a couple of months I stopped losing hair, I used to lose a decent amount in the shower but now it's only a few hairs! My hair is a lot thinner on top and my doctor said I've definitely had some hair loss but I think it does look a little fuller now, but there's some spots on my head that still really bum me out. I think my facial hair grows a little slower now and it's maybe a pinch thinner, but unfortunately hormones don't really change it that much, I have to do electrolysis for up to 3 years or so to fully get rid of my beard. I'm seeing more progress though than I thought I would by now, my electrolygist seems to have done most work on my cheeks so far and it definitely looks thinner there. she did some spots on my chin that look thinner too and she started my mustache last time and I can already tell it's looking thinner. As for my body hair, I was always very hairy and in some spots it was pretty dark and it always grossed me out, but thankfully it's starting to thin out. It's still a little thicker than I'd like but hopefully it will get thinner over time, and it's lighter in color than it used to be and it takes longer to grow back. I had a hard time figuring out if it was Nair or the hormones but I think it's the hormones, but I do really like Nair for hair removal, it works well for me, my skin is pretty sensitive to razors so I try to avoid them but there's still some spots I need to use them on.

Taste- So the testosterone blocker I'm on really makes me crave salt! Soups and corn chips and hot sauce are my weaknesses. I constantly crave mexican food now, like almost every day. Luckily I found some enchilada soup that's 180 calories per can and I found some frozen chicken and veggie mexican bowls that are under 300 calories. I know it'd be better to make it fresh myself but at this time of year it's hard for me, I'd rather cook outside and I'm back to work so I settle for quick and easy now. I still can't do raw tomatoes or mushrooms, but I can eat more veggies than I used to! I used to be disgusted by pickles but now they don't freak me out! I can eat em now!
Weight- so my weight loss has slowed considerably, I lost 33lbs in the last 6 months (25 really since I gained some back), but it's hard to tell if it's from the hormones or not. a month into HRT I plateaued at 208lbs for 3 weeks, and at one point I gained a couple pounds back, but after a while I started losing again but much slower. at the same time, I started a much slower paced job back in september for 2 months, and over the last month I've been stuck inside so I don't exercise as much, and if I do exercise it's a mild workout. I still have a good 20 to 30lbs more that I want to lose.

Strength- So I always heard that estrogen will make you lose muscle mass. So far I don't think that's happened to me, I can still lift heavy things but I think it's had an effect on my energy. I seem to move a bit slower now, I've noticed that my running technique has changed, I take much smaller steps where as before I had bigger leaps, and it's totally unintentional. The testosterone blocker I'm on is actually a medication used for high blood pressure, so I'm wondering if that's the culrit behind my lower energy.

Chest- I've always had a bigger chest due to my weight, but I actually do have female breast development now. It started to hurt constantly back in early november and that's when I developed breast buds, they started small, they were lumps behind the nipple that were harder than the fat on the rest of me, I could feel a spot on my stomach and then feel my chest and it definitely had a different feel to it, and now those buds have spread and I think cover all of my breasts now. There's still a lot of sensation in my chest, it's pretty sensitive, it hurts if I get a tight hug or if I randomly bump something into it, and the other day they were really hurting because of the cold, and I think I still have a few more years of this, ouch!! I can't run without a sports bra now!

Shape- So even though I lost a lot of weight my chest is still noticeable, I think the hormones stopped it from shrinking as much as my gut did. My shape is hard to gauge with all the weight loss, I know hormones are supposed to give you hips and a butt but that's also genetic, or so I've heard. I don't think I'm going to be getting hips, but it'd be nice to balance out my broad shoulders. I haven't noticed any butt changes either. Both my therapist and my doctor have told me before that I have a pretty feminine face, I think I do look cuter and even a little younger. I can actually look in the mirror and see a girl inside of me now, and I feel like that's only going to get better with time, so I'm happy about that! I definitely see a new glow in my face when I look in the mirror :)

Male stuff- I won't get too in depth about this, I don't wanna talk about it and I'm sure no one wants to read about it. At this point I think I'm sterile, my last blood test said my testosterone is very low now, which I'm happy about! I have almost no sex drive and I'm actually happier that way, I feel like I have better control over my body and it's nice not to be easily distracted by dirty thoughts! Over the holidays I spent some time with an old crush that I never get to see and it was honestly one of the better times I've ever had hanging out with her, and I think it's because of the hormones! I guess I'll mention it here that my body scent has changed too, I'm not as smelly anymore after intense physical activity. I always use deodorant but I use a weaker one because of my allergies and sometimes I had to freshen up in the afternoon, but it's been a long time now since I've smelled any typical male body odor on me!

Alright, that's all I can think of for now, thanks for reading! If anyone has any questions let me know!"

I hope this helps anyone who's curious as to the changes made around the 6 month mark!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on January 17, 2018, 05:10:16 pm
Congratulations on the great days you are having.  I had something long typed up but one of my kids walked in the door with blood on his face so it got lost.  Oh well.  I'm happy for you.  Hugs.
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Cassi on January 17, 2018, 05:11:05 pm
Your doing great girlfriend! :angel:
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on January 17, 2018, 06:17:32 pm
aw, thanks ladies! and Robyn I hope your kid is ok!!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on January 18, 2018, 08:51:34 am
Eh, he's fine.  His forehead is scraped up but he'll live.  One of the fun aspects of being a paramedic.  Kid walks in "I'm bleeding to death!" I just look up and say "Prove it.  Tis but a scratch."
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: KayXo on January 18, 2018, 09:34:01 am
Voice- this is one of the biggest things I need to work on. I feel like my vocal mannerisms can be girly at times, but the tone/pitch of my voice is nowhere near the female range, and I've had some very difficult times recording vocals for my band because it really triggers my dysphoria. I know there's a trans woman in Ithaca who gives voice lessons but right now I don't really have the time or money to set up an appointment. I think I can look into youtube lessons but it will be easier to practice talking to myself when I have my own apartment.

I found that by using *only* the muscles behind the throat, used to swallow, my voice naturally sounds female. At first, it is an effort but eventually, it becomes second nature. I pass 100% on the phone. :)

Quote
Skin- This was one of the first things I noticed changing! My skin started to look a lot healthier after just 10 days! Guys have pretty greasy skin and mine is a lot dryer now, I don't moisturize as often as I should, I really need to get in the habit of it. My skin used to be very blotchy, I usually lay on my bed with my left hand on my cheek while looking at my computer and you could see marks on my face from it but it doesn't get like that anymore. I have allergies and my skin gets itchy and breaks out at times, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. It's been bad lately but I think it's because I haven't been eating well, I've been letting my diet slip and I need to get back on track. My skin is definitely softer now but I still have a ways to go until it gets super soft, but I think I'll get there eventually.
Hair- So when I'm not using any products my hair is definitely dryer and less greasy than it used to be. I used to have to wear hats all the time but I stopped that months ago, I can almost always brush it out to a point where it doesn't look gross anymore. It's definitely softer now and it does get tangled a lot but I don't get nearly as many split ends as I used to. I haven't noticed any increase in length, I've been growing it since 2011 so I think it's as long as it's going to get. After a couple of months I stopped losing hair, I used to lose a decent amount in the shower but now it's only a few hairs! My hair is a lot thinner on top and my doctor said I've definitely had some hair loss but I think it does look a little fuller now, but there's some spots on my head that still really bum me out.

In my 13 yrs on HRT, I noticed that my skin/hair got better (i.e. less dry and softer) with the addition of progesterone and keeping the T at a minimum, not letting it drop too much. Both these hormones make my skin more supple and hair/skin shinier. Skin seems more resilient and stronger on a little more T, too. 

Just my observations, not an endorsement of either these hormones or advice. ;)

Estrogen is supposed to lengthen the growth phase so that scalp hairs grow longer. So, wait a couple of years and who knows?! My hair is down to my butt. :) So don't give up hope just yet...

Interestingly, since being on HRT, my hair is thinner, not thicker BUT it could also be cause I color it and straighten it regularly with my flattening iron.  :-\

Quote
I think my facial hair grows a little slower now and it's maybe a pinch thinner, but unfortunately hormones don't really change it that much, I have to do electrolysis for up to 3 years or so to fully get rid of my beard. I'm seeing more progress though than I thought I would by now, my electrolygist seems to have done most work on my cheeks so far and it definitely looks thinner there. she did some spots on my chin that look thinner too and she started my mustache last time and I can already tell it's looking thinner.

It took me about 4 years to remove everything by electrolysis + laser. Be patient. In the end, it will be worth all the wait and pain!

Quote
As for my body hair, I was always very hairy and in some spots it was pretty dark and it always grossed me out, but thankfully it's starting to thin out. It's still a little thicker than I'd like but hopefully it will get thinner over time, and it's lighter in color than it used to be and it takes longer to grow back. I had a hard time figuring out if it was Nair or the hormones but I think it's the hormones, but I do really like Nair for hair removal, it works well for me, my skin is pretty sensitive to razors so I try to avoid them but there's still some spots I need to use them on.

When my T got VERY low, my body hair significantly thinned/got lighter all over, even around my inner thighs where the hair used to be VERY thick and dark BUT I also found my skin was not as nice, looked flabby and less firm so added some T and that made all the difference and is worth hairs getting a little thicker again.

For chest, abs, I did electro and that got rid of everything. I'm also doing electro for inner thighs and it's working really well, really fast. Waxing, I find, is the BEST option for hair removal, after electrolysis. Hair doesn't grow back for weeks and hairs sometimes even come back thinner after awhile.

Quote
Taste- So the testosterone blocker I'm on really makes me crave salt! Soups and corn chips and hot sauce are my weaknesses. I constantly crave mexican food now, like almost every day. Luckily I found some enchilada soup that's 180 calories per can and I found some frozen chicken and veggie mexican bowls that are under 300 calories. I know it'd be better to make it fresh myself but at this time of year it's hard for me, I'd rather cook outside and I'm back to work so I settle for quick and easy now. I still can't do raw tomatoes or mushrooms, but I can eat more veggies than I used to! I used to be disgusted by pickles but now they don't freak me out! I can eat em now!

Spiro! haha  ;D :D

Quote
Weight- so my weight loss has slowed considerably, I lost 33lbs in the last 6 months (25 really since I gained some back), but it's hard to tell if it's from the hormones or not. a month into HRT I plateaued at 208lbs for 3 weeks, and at one point I gained a couple pounds back, but after a while I started losing again but much slower. at the same time, I started a much slower paced job back in september for 2 months, and over the last month I've been stuck inside so I don't exercise as much, and if I do exercise it's a mild workout. I still have a good 20 to 30lbs more that I want to lose.

In my own personal experience and what I've read, it seems that keeping the refined carbs at a minimum (i.e. too much insulin leads to excess fat storage, according to some studies) and having adequate levels of sex hormones (estrogen and testosterone appear to prevent excess abdominal weight gain) while not being too stressed (i.e. cortisol can sometimes lead to weight gain but in other cases, the opposite can be true too) are all helpful. Best of luck in losing the remaining 20-30 lbs. You can do it!  :)

Quote
Strength- So I always heard that estrogen will make you lose muscle mass. So far I don't think that's happened to me, I can still lift heavy things but I think it's had an effect on my energy. I seem to move a bit slower now, I've noticed that my running technique has changed, I take much smaller steps where as before I had bigger leaps, and it's totally unintentional. The testosterone blocker I'm on is actually a medication used for high blood pressure, so I'm wondering if that's the culrit behind my lower energy.

Could be if you are dehydrated and not drinking enough water, eating enough salt. Or not eating enough calories. Or not getting enough E or too low T...so many things. As always, let your doctor know if this becomes a problem.

Coffee helps me when I feel depleted. ;)

Quote
I think I do look cuter and even a little younger. I can actually look in the mirror and see a girl inside of me now, and I feel like that's only going to get better with time, so I'm happy about that! I definitely see a new glow in my face when I look in the mirror :)

HRT has definitely helped in making me look way younger than my age. Amazing, right?! Studies do confirm estrogen has rejuvenating properties.

Quote
I have almost no sex drive and I'm actually happier that way, I feel like I have better control over my body and it's nice not to be easily distracted by dirty thoughts!

I missed it post-op and I find a little T (and even progesterone) helped a lot. Given me back my libido and amazing orgasms. But pre-op is a different story, I get it!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on January 18, 2018, 09:37:23 am
Eh, he's fine.  His forehead is scraped up but he'll live.  One of the fun aspects of being a paramedic.  Kid walks in "I'm bleeding to death!" I just look up and say "Prove it.  Tis but a scratch."

oh good! I'm glad he's ok!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on January 18, 2018, 09:38:16 am
I found that by using *only* the muscles behind the throat, used to swallow, my voice naturally sounds female. At first, it is an effort but eventually, it becomes second nature. I pass 100% on the phone. :)

In my 13 yrs on HRT, I noticed that my skin/hair got better (i.e. less dry and softer) with the addition of progesterone and keeping the T at a minimum, not letting it drop too much. Both these hormones make my skin more supple and hair/skin shinier. Skin seems more resilient and stronger on a little more T, too. 

Just my observations, not an endorsement of either these hormones or advice. ;)

Estrogen is supposed to lengthen the growth phase so that scalp hairs grow longer. So, wait a couple of years and who knows?! My hair is down to my butt. :) So don't give up hope just yet...

Interestingly, since being on HRT, my hair is thinner, not thicker BUT it could also be cause I color it and straighten it regularly with my flattening iron.  :-\

It took me about 4 years to remove everything by electrolysis + laser. Be patient. In the end, it will be worth all the wait and pain!

When my T got VERY low, my body hair significantly thinned/got lighter all over, even around my inner thighs where the hair used to be VERY thick and dark BUT I also found my skin was not as nice, looked flabby and less firm so added some T and that made all the difference and is worth hairs getting a little thicker again.

For chest, abs, I did electro and that got rid of everything. I'm also doing electro for inner thighs and it's working really well, really fast. Waxing, I find, is the BEST option for hair removal, after electrolysis. Hair doesn't grow back for weeks and hairs sometimes even come back thinner after awhile.

Spiro! haha  ;D :D

In my own personal experience and what I've read, it seems that keeping the refined carbs at a minimum (i.e. too much insulin leads to excess fat storage, according to some studies) and having adequate levels of sex hormones (estrogen and testosterone appear to prevent excess abdominal weight gain) while not being too stressed (i.e. cortisol can sometimes lead to weight gain but in other cases, the opposite can be true too) are all helpful. Best of luck in losing the remaining 20-30 lbs. You can do it!  :)

Could be if you are dehydrated and not drinking enough water, eating enough salt. Or not eating enough calories. Or not getting enough E or too low T...so many things. As always, let your doctor know if this becomes a problem.

Coffee helps me when I feel depleted. ;)

HRT has definitely helped in making me look way younger than my age. Amazing, right?! Studies do confirm estrogen has rejuvenating properties.

I missed it post-op and I find a little T (and even progesterone) helped a lot. Given me back my libido and amazing orgasms. But pre-op is a different story, I get it!

thank you for your detailed response! This is very helpful! I'll try to keep that voice tip in mind :)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on January 30, 2018, 11:49:54 am
Well it's been a couple weeks so I figured I'd give a short update. Last week was a little rough for me, I had to work outside in temperatures ranging from 12 degrees to 28 and the girls DID NOT LIKE IT! they were super soar and just straight up hurt and it made me miserable, I was pretty irritable all week.

My weight has been going up and down a lot. I found out that I gained 5lbs over the holidays and then I went down 4lbs and then I gained another 2 back. I think some of it may be water weight but this is getting frustrating. I've been back to work for almost a month now so I am getting some physical activity but not nearly as much as the summer and fall. I tried jogging a couple times last week but each time was no more than 10 minutes or so. I didn't really have the energy to keep going but I didn't get winded, so at least that's good. I'm thinking about joining a gym but I really shouldn't be spending the money and later this week I'm starting a job that's an hour and a half away. so at least 3 hours of driving a day on top of 8 hours of work, I probably won't have the energy to go work out. On the plus side, this job should last me about a month and it's in a high rate area, I should be getting around $30 an hour! I'm saving for an apartment and that will help me out a lot!

So since I've been back to work for the last month I haven't had any Maddie time. as of today it's been exactly a month since I've dressed up. I haven't done any hair removal since then either, and I feel really gross. I live with my mom and since I'm working I have no alone time here so I can't use my clippers because she will hear them and ask why it's taking me so long to shave, and then if I use Nair like I have been she will ask me why I'm spending so much time in the bathroom. On the bright side, this is a good way of tracking how well the HRT is working! I still have back hair, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be! it used to be really thick and dark but it's lightened up a lot! some spots are darker than I'd like and it's all a little longer than I'd like but I'd say there's been a good 50% reduction so far. I didn't get a pic of that but I got pics of my chest, arm, and leg. My stomach is still pretty bad, maybe just a 10 to 15% reduction of what it was before, but my chest has maybe a 25% reduction, I still have a long way to go on that. My arms are probably my best, the hairs again are a little longer than I'd like but they are really light and not too thick, I'd say at least a 50% reduction there too. My legs are weird, in some spots the hairs are thin and light but other spots are darker and thick, they're very patchy. Here's some pics. sorry, they're kinda gross but whatever. I have today off so I'm gunna go shave now lol. There's a good chance the hair would get longer and thicker and darker if I grow it out but the growth has definitely slowed. Honestly right now my growth looks like it did at 2 weeks before and it's been 4, so that's progress! I hope it gets better over time, I've only been on HRT for 6.5 months and my estrogen levels are still low, 47 pg/mL, but that was in December before my last estrodial increase.
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/27459380_10155080223931373_6053161348275753152_n.jpg?oh=639c92236d6d1d6c8425e75c4e6fd778&oe=5B25290B)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26994152_10155080224161373_6170138270233411997_n.jpg?oh=11d77637ad3bec2638a7e0d718079eeb&oe=5ADF626C)

(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/27072693_10155080224301373_3794785606204904742_n.jpg?oh=0d6d6dd9872cc22d64e33256a5891bf6&oe=5AE17430)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Cassi on January 30, 2018, 12:51:56 pm
 :icon_birthday:
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Laurie on January 30, 2018, 01:04:09 pm
Hi Maddie,

  I too shave all over and have found that the hair is growing back slower and less thick. I'm fortunate in that I do not have all that many black hairs so it is less noticeable longer. I noticed you have quite a bit of lighter hair too. On the unfortunate side though is that laser is not really an option. The pay sounds real nice for this new job and will surely help. I've never made that hourly rate w/o overtime.
  I seems that you are doing okay overall considering your circumstances. Keep it up girl.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on March 03, 2018, 06:27:37 am
Wow, it's been a little while since I've posted here! Honestly, not a ton has really been happening on the HRT front, my skin and hair are pretty much the same, I think my chest has calmed down a little and I may have been a little more emotional lately too, but that might just be from some big changes I have coming up. One thing that I think has been changing is my taste. Spicy foods seem to have even more kick now than they did before, and sweet stuff seems sweeter! With pancakes I can't use a lot of syrup like I used to, mostly just butter now, and while I still do love sweets I can't eat as many like I used to.

One thing I've noticed is how much I can't stand being around groups of guys anymore, I hate it and it's clearer than ever that I am not one of them, even if I don't really feel like a girl all the time. It sucks because I'm around my dad a lot and I'm even getting really sick of him, he likes to joke around a lot and his sense of humor is very dumb and at times vulgar and I just can't stand it, it's so annoying. And seriously, do guys need to talk about their genitals and sex ALL THE EFFING TIME?! stop! My car ride to work is an hour and a half now and that's all they seem to talk about after work, there's a whole vehicle full of men laughing while I'm looking out the widow trying not to cry.

I started to freak out a little the other day because it was the first of the month. I can't believe it's March already! Last year was the longest year of my life when I wanted time to go by fast, this year I need things to slow down and it's flying by! At this time next month I'm hoping to be moving into my first apartment! This is crucial to my transition, I am going to be living alone for the first time, and I need to move out to my own place before I tell my mom about my transition. I do have a place lined up that has its pros and cons though. It's in a nice neighborhood but it's two towns over from where I actually want to live, so that's kind of a bummer but my friend owns it, so I don't have to worry about a mean landlord that won't take my transition well. My friend said I could still use my bbq smoker there and he said I could get a cat if I want to, which I think will help with my loneliness. It's a little smaller than I'd like but I think it will be ok. The thing that sucks is that I can't really go look at it in person right now because someone's living there. They've been evicted though for a couple different reasons, they've been served already so they are supposed to be out by the end of the month but there's a chance that something could happen, but my friend told me I should be able to move in in April.

Another reason I'm freaking out about it being the beginning of the month is because May 1st is my tentative "full time" date, and that's when I plan on coming out on Facebook. It's been over 2 months now since I've been out in public as Maddie, and that was even the last time I did my makeup, I've been so lazy about it! But luckily I have a lot of Maddie time coming up! Next weekend I'm going an hour out of town with a friend for dinner and I'm going to dress up for that, and then we're doing the same thing the following weekend. Then March 24th I have an appointment with my therapist and I'm going to go see her as Maddie for the first time! This will be the anniversary weekend of my first appointment with her last year, and she still hasn't seen me dressed up in person yet! She's seen pictures though. Then April 13th I have an appointment with the gender doctor and I'm going to dress up for that too for the first time! I think they can give me one more increase in my estrogen too and I'll be at the maximum dose, so we'll see how that goes!

and on top of all of this I need to find a new job! ugh!

So much coming up! I'm scared but excited! I also need a lot more new clothes! I'm planning a shopping trip in April I think
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: RobynTx on March 03, 2018, 12:58:43 pm
Congrats on finding an apartment.  Going full time can be scary.  I went public on Facebook on Jan 31st.  I've been full time pretty much that entire time.  I still take it slow for my wife though. I agree about men being vulgar.  My partner at work is quite vulgar and I have to ignore or get onto him for it during shifts.  I feel the same way that I barely noticed that kind of stuff when I was more male.  I am not one to talk about that stuff at all but still. 

It's just a matter of repetition for us changing into butterflies.  The more we do something the less odd it feels.  After a while just going out to the store in a skirt or dress becomes a non-event.

Keep it up, you're doing great!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on March 04, 2018, 05:40:03 am
Congrats on finding an apartment.  Going full time can be scary.  I went public on Facebook on Jan 31st.  I've been full time pretty much that entire time.  I still take it slow for my wife though. I agree about men being vulgar.  My partner at work is quite vulgar and I have to ignore or get onto him for it during shifts.  I feel the same way that I barely noticed that kind of stuff when I was more male.  I am not one to talk about that stuff at all but still. 

It's just a matter of repetition for us changing into butterflies.  The more we do something the less odd it feels.  After a while just going out to the store in a skirt or dress becomes a non-event.

Keep it up, you're doing great!

Thank you Robyn  :D
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on March 04, 2018, 07:12:34 pm
Ok, so music is a huge part of my life, and tonight I decided to try and get some pics of me and a couple of my guitars :) unfortunately I was confined to my bedroom, which has bad lighting and it just looks awful in general lol, but soon enough I will be in a new apartment and hopefully taking lots of better selfies  :D sorry my one shelf is so messy, I've been going through lots of stuff this weekend and I just started throwing stuff up there to sort out later lol.

I've been playing my acoustic a lot lately, I like this outfit a lot too.
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/28575571_10155160452106373_1607714843166523863_n.jpg?oh=35506a16067148c229b68cc11b18c87e&oe=5B0E5D49)

Ok, now time for the rocker pics. I had way more fun with these ones, and I think it really shows!
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/28685935_10155160452481373_662343165016431036_n.jpg?oh=47e1f0ae663a4716a9fd5076159e3540&oe=5B099B65)
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/28471284_10155160452441373_3986916561225546656_n.jpg?oh=b0ac5c62305a3c6e35ae4356a9156dad&oe=5B4B0352)
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/28576912_10155160452346373_2174920785743045662_n.jpg?oh=2e64ef7760a3f134b03820d8d0417ed2&oe=5B45EE4C)
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on April 28, 2018, 09:02:39 pm
Oh wow, it's been almost 2 months since I've posted in here!

I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and he gave me another increase in my estrogen. I'm a little over 9 months into HRT now and I started to feel this increase pretty quick, this week I've been an emotional wreck. My girls are starting to hurt again too. I think they're getting more noticeable as well. I still present as male and wear loose clothing but if I'm wearing just a t-shirt then they definitely stand out a bit. I think my skin is starting to get a little softer again too. I'm still not in the range I want to be at though. my last blood test shows that my estrogen was in the low 60's, I'm starting to feel like it will never get over 100  :-\
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Alaskan Danielle on April 28, 2018, 09:57:19 pm
Oh wow, it's been almost 2 months since I've posted in here!

I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and he gave me another increase in my estrogen. I'm a little over 9 months into HRT now and I started to feel this increase pretty quick, this week I've been an emotional wreck. My girls are starting to hurt again too. I think they're getting more noticeable as well. I still present as male and wear loose clothing but if I'm wearing just a t-shirt then they definitely stand out a bit. I think my skin is starting to get a little softer again too. I'm still not in the range I want to be at though. my last blood test shows that my estrogen was in the low 60's, I'm starting to feel like it will never get over 100  :-\

@Maddie86   You certainly know that from reading other members transition reports that things don't usually move quickly with HRT.... some quicker, some slower... it is all up to YOUR body..
Hang in there girl.... as time goes on you will start finding it difficult to hide your twin girls....

.... in my early transition my nipples were hard and very erect much of the time and of course that was very difficult to hide ....  they could have been classified as dangerous weapons ready to impale anyone that bumped into them!!!!  They even stretched nipple marks on many of my shirts and tops.  

From what I have seen in your photos on this thread and other threads I think that your face is getting quite feminized....  soon you will be considering going full-time... sooner than you think.

Please keep your updates coming.... and be patient... I know that it is difficult... but that will pass eventually and changes will happen when they happen but you can help things along with how you dress, fix your hair, apply makeup and do your nails... and how you handle yourself as you walk, move and sit...etc.
Hugs, and more hugs..... always wishing you the best.
Danielle
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Maddie86 on April 28, 2018, 10:29:08 pm
@Maddie86   You certainly know that from reading other members transition reports that things don't usually move quickly with HRT.... some quicker, some slower... it is all up to YOUR body..
Hang in there girl.... as time goes on you will start finding it difficult to hide your twin girls....

.... in my early transition my nipples were hard and very erect much of the time and of course that was very difficult to hide ....  they could have been classified as dangerous weapons ready to impale anyone that bumped into them!!!!  They even stretched nipple marks on many of my shirts and tops.  

From what I have seen in your photos on this thread and other threads I think that your face is getting quite feminized....  soon you will be considering going full-time... sooner than you think.

Please keep your updates coming.... and be patient... I know that it is difficult... but that will pass eventually and changes will happen when they happen but you can help things along with how you dress, fix your hair, apply makeup and do your nails... and how you handle yourself as you walk, move and sit...etc.
Hugs, and more hugs..... always wishing you the best.
Danielle

thank you, you're such a sweetheart  :D I hope I meet you someday so I can give you a hug!
Title: Re: My Very Own HRT thread!
Post by: Becca Kay on April 29, 2018, 08:06:03 am
Oh wow, it's been almost 2 months since I've posted in here!

I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and he gave me another increase in my estrogen. I'm a little over 9 months into HRT now and I started to feel this increase pretty quick, this week I've been an emotional wreck. My girls are starting to hurt again too. I think they're getting more noticeable as well. I still present as male and wear loose clothing but if I'm wearing just a t-shirt then they definitely stand out a bit. I think my skin is starting to get a little softer again too. I'm still not in the range I want to be at though. my last blood test shows that my estrogen was in the low 60's, I'm starting to feel like it will never get over 100  :-\

hang in there. getting your E level up and T level down takes time and the time it takes to get there is different for each of us.  I'm close to where you are now. Started HRT last year. Very similar hormone levels.  Just got my E increased.  The good news is that you're getting there.  You're making progress.  :)