Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Faith on April 29, 2019, 05:52:33 pm

Title: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on April 29, 2019, 05:52:33 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:

As I stated, you have lots of followers and interested readers that are eager to read about your continuing life endeavors... and we want to keep rooting for your success, we are your biggest fans.

Hugs,
Danielle


So it seems, and despite some of my reactions I do very much appreciate all the feedback and support I've received here on Susan's .. so many have become friends and some I've even had the pleasure to meet in person
Title: Re: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on April 29, 2019, 05:58:57 pm
Now THAT is squeeeworthy!

oo, a SQUEEEEE from Steph. I'm so honored. How did I miss that?
Title: Re: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 29, 2019, 06:18:27 pm
oo, a SQUEEEEE from Steph. I'm so honored. How did I miss that?

@Faith
... and Dear Faith, don't forget that you got a "Wow Whee" from me a few posts earlier.
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on April 29, 2019, 06:25:54 pm
oo, a SQUEEEEE from Steph. I'm so honored. How did I miss that?

Squeees are not given - they are earned. And we shall serve no squeee before its time.

You earned that one, sweetie.
Title: Re: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on April 29, 2019, 06:28:43 pm
@Faith
... and Dear Faith, don't forget that you got a "Wow Whee" from me a few posts earlier.
Hugs,
Danielle


yeah yeah, I know .. but you say that so much  >:(  HAH, just kidding .. thank you It was a moment

Squeees are not given - they are earned. And we shall serve no squeee before its time.

You earned that one, sweetie.

My bro gave me that moment .. I should give him a kiss for it ;D

you know, it's hard just coming up with random posts. I have trouble enough when I have something to actually contribute ... like HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA!!  :D
Title: Re: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on April 29, 2019, 07:06:15 pm

you know, it's hard just coming up with random posts. I have trouble enough when I have something to actually contribute ... like HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA!!  :D

Thank you so much Faith, I appreciate that 💕💕💕
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on April 29, 2019, 07:19:09 pm
Wow, I'm a 2.0 now. Strange, I don't feel any different
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on April 29, 2019, 07:42:21 pm
Oh, I forgot that moment. We were out getting the trailer to load the car on and my brother (1st) said, "And this is my sister, Faith"  ;D ;D ;D
YESSSS!!!!

Isn't that the best feeling?  I get all goose-bumpy when I hear my big brother refer to me as his sister.  Definitely a squeeeee!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on April 29, 2019, 08:59:17 pm
Wow, I'm a 2.0 now. Strange, I don't feel any different

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Yes, you are now Version 2.0 ....
 
... new release, your (software) bugs fixed, you have "new" features added,
quicker and easier download and interface.. 

Compatible with previous 1.0 version release.

I will be eagerly reading your new postings.
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on April 30, 2019, 07:28:20 am
So it seems, and despite some of my reactions I do very much appreciate all the feedback and support I've received here on Susan's .. so many have become friends and some I've even had the pleasure to meet in person
Wow, I'm a 2.0 now. Strange, I don't feel any different
Face it Faith,

you're one of the cool girls.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: LizK on April 30, 2019, 07:32:52 am
Well there look at you all 2.0 .... :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Anne Blake on April 30, 2019, 10:28:24 am
Face it Faith,

you're one of the cool girls.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Faith, I just have to agree with Tonya.....about as cool as it gets!

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on April 30, 2019, 10:46:32 am
Agreed! Welcome to the 2.0 Club, where all the b*tchin’ chicks hang out.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on May 01, 2019, 03:46:30 pm
Yup! A 2.0 now Faith. Congratulations! It couldn't have happened to a nicer person.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 01, 2019, 08:07:24 pm
time for some 2.0 updates

- I didn't hit 174, I did hit 170 though .. right in the belly. Time to get serious again.
- the car was fixed on Monday. We left Tuesday morning and got home around midnight heading into Wed. The 'check engine' light came on during the 1st 100 miles, I ignored it. It's still on. I'll have to dig out my code reader.
- The one-liner that I posted in the old thread about getting the email attachment of my signed name-change judgment, well, I looked into that and .... e-certified copies $3.00 + $6.00 processing  :o Nope, not happening. I went to the courthouse in person to get copies at $3.00 each.
- paperwork in hand, we went to Social Security. Well, that was painless. I believe the gentleman doing it has done a few. He was impressed that I had everything that I needed already. Signed and sealed .. Faith Nicole with a big F on his printout .. I should have asked for a copy. Oh well, I was too happy to have it over with. As far as the government is concerned it it's all done.
- on to the ID .. <poo>, too late in the day. I did try, I made it to the DMV. They checked over my paperwork and were satisfied except .. SS info hadn't made it through the system yet. I have to go back. I'll go tomorrow after work.

Sorry for the abbreviated updates, it's been a long two weeks of no rest. It's just now ending, time to sleep and go to work in the morning .. I need a vacation!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Laurie on May 02, 2019, 12:28:28 am
Hi Faith,

  Congrats on making it home and also on your name changes. I still have some I need to get done but I'm not in much of a hurry for the ones that are left to do. Tell that lovely wife of yours that I said hello.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 02, 2019, 06:10:56 am
... Congrats on making it home and also on your name changes. I still have some I need to get done but I'm not in much of a hurry for the ones that are left to do. Tell that lovely wife of yours that I said hello. ...

She said HI back and when are you coming back to Florida? Ok, so I added that part. I thought maybe you'd consider it more seriously if you thought that she said it.

It was not a vacation, ugh, I am so tired. My eyes are dry and scratchy .. granted, that may be from improper/incomplete mascara cleanup :P ... my nose quit bleeding .. Oh, I didn't mention that. Yep, every day a bloody nose from whatever pollen were floating around up there. By evening it'd be a red tint just to start all over the next morning .. bleech!

very positive feedback while up there though. I don't think I got sir'd or looked at sideways all the time that I was there. It's a comforting feeling. everyone loves my hair .. what's up with that? What about my face? oh, um, never mind, keep looking at my hair .. it's OK :) One gal got really jealous (well, maybe not that bad) when she found out the color and shape was natural. She wanted to know what I did. well, I wash it, I sleep on it, I comb it. Sorry, nothing special, it's just me.

my tired look. I tried to cover it up, here's a Monday Thursday morning for Danielle (since her work-load has lightened) and anyone that wants to look, I suppose ;D although, I don't know why ...............

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/SMqXeoI.jpg)

**dream catcher earrings that were given to me.**

gads, I am so tired. Did I say that already? **yawn**
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 02, 2019, 07:14:40 am
y, I made it to the DMV. They checked over my paperwork and were satisfied except .. SS info hadn't made it through the system yet. I have to go back. I'll go tomorrow after work.


They really seem not to know what to do around here.  I went to the tax Collector for the ID/Drivers License before I went to the SS office.  I had my two letters with me, they accepted them and gave me the new ID with sex marked as F.  No questions asked.
The next day I went to the SS office, with the same two letters and my new ID, and I did that without any problem, too.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on May 02, 2019, 10:27:24 am
Why wouldn't they look at your hair Faith?  It's gorgeous. Congratulations on your name changes.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on May 02, 2019, 01:46:14 pm
Nice to hear Faith and welcome home. Wow! Finally the car is fixed. Congratulations on your name change docs. I'm sure you both need rest after all that has happened. It feels good to be Faith Nicole doesn't it! SQUEEEYAY!!!

Hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on May 02, 2019, 02:13:48 pm
Well done dear now you have joined the "correct" name club.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 02, 2019, 03:43:42 pm
Why wouldn't they look at your hair Faith?  It's gorgeous. Congratulations on your name changes.

thank you, on both counts :)

Nice to hear Faith and welcome home. Wow! Finally the car is fixed. Congratulations on your name change docs. I'm sure you both need rest after all that has happened. It feels good to be Faith Nicole doesn't it! SQUEEEYAY!!!

:)

Well done dear now you have joined the "correct" name club.

and now I have proof!!
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/s9oofdP.jpg)
**disclaimer: Information redacted to protect the not-so innocent.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 02, 2019, 04:12:00 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Congratulations to you regarding your official name change and your new Drivers License
with your new name, correct Gender and a new beautiful (obviously female) picture.

Hmmm, I also see that you are designated as a SAFE DRIVER  :o ;)

So, again, congratulations are in order for you.... this is all very affirming for you I am certain.
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 02, 2019, 04:21:54 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Congratulations to you regarding your official name change and your new Drivers License
with your new name, correct Gender and a new beautiful (obviously female) picture.

Hmmm, I also see that you are designated as a SAFE DRIVER  :o ;)

So, again, congratulations are in order for you.... this is all very affirming for you I am certain.
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle


Thank you ;D

Safe driver? of course. Faith has never had a crash HAH!!  Seriously, I've never been in one that was my fault and then only in ones that were unavoidable .. I pay attention
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on May 02, 2019, 04:44:07 pm
Congratulations on all the updates: your name and that all-important 'F'.

Hey, how did you get a good picture on your driver's license??
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 02, 2019, 04:51:30 pm
What's up Florida taking good pictures for drivers licenses? Both yours and Linde's turned out great. Mines hideous, which is why I never posted a picture of it here.

Congratulations on having all the right papers. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 02, 2019, 04:52:53 pm
Congratulations on all the updates: your name and that all-important 'F'.

thank you. F .. YES!!! Both SS and DMV were great and easy to work with. The DMV agent we got asked about my last name. It seems that his fiancé has the same last name. Could be related, the first name matches plenty of relatives in that age group that I lost touch with.


Quote
Hey, how did you get a good picture on your driver's license??
I was further away .. distance == looks better ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 02, 2019, 04:54:34 pm
What's up Florida taking good pictures for drivers licenses? Both yours and Linde's turned out great. Mines hideous, which is why I never posted a picture of it here.

Congratulations on having all the right papers. 

oh, my previous ones fit right in with the hideous designation, this one was a fluke. It helps that I was feeling really really good :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 02, 2019, 05:41:57 pm
Such sweet progress Faith, very happy for you, it's a very affirming step to take to have official ID in correct name / gender and a change that will pay you back over and over.

Best

Cynthia -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 03, 2019, 05:28:48 am
things are progressing well, from a legal/id standpoint. I have a lot of changes finished already, just a few more to go. After that, it'll be down to erroneous old mailing lists that I'll have to deal with.

Next 'legal' step with be my birth certificate. I have no idea how that will proceed since I live in FL and born in NY.
I will not be changing my marriage license/certificate. I got married as John, she married John, it's staying that way. We will, however, have a nice signed document stating Faith and Lori when we renew our vows on our 40th anniversary.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: LizK on May 03, 2019, 05:42:26 am
......We will, however, have a nice signed document stating Faith and Lori when we renew our vows on our 40th anniversary.

Glad to hear everything is progressing well...reaffirming your vows is a nice touch and I am sure it will be a significant moment for you once again.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 03, 2019, 07:30:03 am
Guess there was one benefit to still being in Wisconsin last spring with the ease of getting my birth certificate updated. Not sure why I thought I needed 3 official copies of it though. Probably because they were a lot cheaper than I expected.

Also not changing the marriage license. That was at my wife's request, though I had not thought about it either way.  One of the <poor> things I did during a dysphoria episode was not renew our vows when we were in Vegas a number of years ago. Not sure if my wife would be totally comfortable with a renewal yet. We're at 32 years so maybe when we get to 40. You must have gotten married pretty young if you're planning something for your 40th already.

You'll be surprised by all the little things that keep popping up that you want to change your name on. After a year now I'm  pretty close to the point where I can just toss any my that comes addressed to old name.

Since you're a 2.0 d venture that someone that knows about NY birth certificates will be along shortly with some knowledge of that. If you have a passport you don't need your birth certificate to fix that but you do have to use the form for a new one rather than renewal to change the gender marker.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 03, 2019, 08:05:20 am
yeah, a few things. Like the insurance that you mentioned. I should have done that yesterday, I forgot.
Marriage license was my choice, my wife was happy about it and that I was OK with it.

I have all the forms necessary for the birth cert except .. they want a certified copy of the original cert. So, I have to request one from them, just to send it back to them  ::)

no passport. I do plan on getting one as soon as the birth cert is changed
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 03, 2019, 09:19:53 am
oh, my previous ones fit right in with the hideous designation, this one was a fluke. It helps that I was feeling really really good :)
My old license picture could have fit into a horror picture show.  They either have better equipment now, or Faith and I are so unbeliebte beautiful that even bad equipment makes good pictures of us!  Who knows?

I will meet with the Post Office passport person next week and get my passport going.  They require the same documentation I would need for changing the naturalization certificate.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 03, 2019, 09:23:00 am
things are progressing well, from a legal/id standpoint. I have a lot of changes finished already, just a few more to go. After that, it'll be down to erroneous old mailing lists that I'll have to deal with.

Next 'legal' step with be my birth certificate. I have no idea how that will proceed since I live in FL and born in NY.
I will not be changing my marriage license/certificate. I got married as John, she married John, it's staying that way. We will, however, have a nice signed document stating Faith and Lori when we renew our vows on our 40th anniversary.
Which, if any, benefit do you see in updating the birth certificate? 
For me it would be my naturalization certificate, and they want to have close to $600 for doing this!  I wonder if there is any return on investment for this?  I will have my passport gendered right without the certificate, what more would one need?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 03, 2019, 09:36:26 am
Which, if any, benefit do you see in updating the birth certificate?  .....

Birth Certificate is a requirement to get a passport. I want it to reflect me and to match my id.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 03, 2019, 09:43:54 am
The birth cert is a nice to have, I did mine several years ago. You can update US passport even if your old name / gender is present on original birth cert. You just need a Dr letter showing transition completed, and court order showing name change (if applicable).

Best of luck Faith, it's wonderful when it's all done...

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 03, 2019, 09:44:10 am
Birth Certificate is a requirement to get a passport. I want it to reflect me and to match my id.
what they told me, it is not when you had a passport before.  I have a current dead name one, and that seems to be the only documentation they want to see as proof of citizenship for a new passport.
The new name and the female stuff they take from the judgement and the letters of the health care providers (same as social security).  That's what they told me when I called.

I think the birth certificate may be required if you do not have a passport already, and if you want to change old records like from school, etc.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 03, 2019, 09:49:03 am
You need the birth certificate if you never had a passport before.  If you're lucky enough to be able to get the gender marker on the birth certificate changed also,  you won't need the very specific doctor's letter to get it right for your  passport.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 03, 2019, 09:50:29 am
You need the birth certificate if you never had a passport before.  If you're lucky enough to be able to get the gender marker on the birth certificate changed also,  you won't need the very specific doctor's letter to get it right for your  passport.


that's the plan :)  NY does allow for gender marker change
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 03, 2019, 10:40:07 am
Speaking of weather (from Danielle's thread), it reminded me of this.

Wednesday after leaving the SS office we saw this:
(https://i.imgur.com/0iW2krx.jpg)
I took it as an omen, a sign, call it what you will :)

It was actually bright & wide enough to start the color spectrum over again and, if you look close, you can see the second one above it .. my phone sucks as a camera.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on May 03, 2019, 11:16:42 am
OMG!!! SQUEEEEEE!!!

This is AMAZING news! and you already did get the new license, with the correct name!! and even better a big "F" on it too. I am sooooo happy for you.

Ohh- Thanks for stopping by the hospital two weeks ago. It was so nice meeting you and Lori and I hope we can soon meet again.

Hugs,

Sarah

Why wouldn't they look at your hair Faith?  It's gorgeous. Congratulations on your name changes.

thank you, on both counts :)

Nice to hear Faith and welcome home. Wow! Finally the car is fixed. Congratulations on your name change docs. I'm sure you both need rest after all that has happened. It feels good to be Faith Nicole doesn't it! SQUEEEYAY!!!

:)

Well done dear now you have joined the "correct" name club.

and now I have proof!!
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/s9oofdP.jpg)
**disclaimer: Information redacted to protect the not-so innocent.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 03, 2019, 11:32:44 am
OMG!!! SQUEEEEEE!!!

This is AMAZING news! and you already did get the new license, with the correct name!! and even better a big "F" on it too. I am sooooo happy for you.

Thank you Sarah, not as big as your current happy steps yet still very big for me. I know that due to legalites you have to wait longer for your name .. that time will come!!


Quote
Ohh- Thanks for stopping by the hospital two weeks ago. It was so nice meeting you and Lori and I hope we can soon meet again.

Hugs,

Sarah
Absolutely. It was my pleasure to be able to swing in and not only see you, Jayne as well. We will plan to meet up again. It's not that far and we do need our vacation time  :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 03, 2019, 12:18:54 pm
My old license picture could have fit into a horror picture show.  They either have better equipment now, or Faith and I are so unbeliebte beautiful that even bad equipment makes good pictures of us!  Who knows?

Oooo! I know! For you and Faith and my sweetie @sassycassie, the “unbelievably beautiful” reason applies. For me it was the “better equipment.” The lady said, “you can smile if you want to.” I wanted to!!

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190503/5ef4d2d501b951950d94383e4185b5e4.jpg)

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 03, 2019, 12:22:53 pm
...  For me it was the “better equipment.” ...
ah, but we know what the 'better equipment is' and it keeps getting better :D

Quote
The lady said, “you can smile if you want to.” I wanted to!!
I was told the same thing, I didn't want to ruin it so I held back
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Anne Blake on May 03, 2019, 12:41:52 pm
Congratulations Faith, I know from personal experience, just how good it feels to get some official paperwork validating who you are. Well done girlfriend! BTW, in Colorado they don't allow you to smile...but if after five or more tries the smile is still there, you get it on the license. I tried not to smile but couldn't get rid of it.

Love and hugs for the two of you,
Tia Anne & Debi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 03, 2019, 12:46:50 pm
what they told me, it is not when you had a passport before.  I have a current dead name one, and that seems to be the only documentation they want to see as proof of citizenship for a new passport.

That was true for me. I only needed my old passport, my SS card, maybe my driver license, and the gender change letter from my doctor. My passport was long expired, too, but that was okay.

Now if you’ve never had a passport, the BC is probably required.

Having been born in Michigan, I can’t get the gender changed on my BC until after I’ve had the surgery. You can bet that paperwork will be on the way in late September!!

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Anne Blake on May 03, 2019, 01:20:21 pm
That was true for me. I only needed my old passport, my SS card, maybe my driver license, and the gender change letter from my doctor. My passport was long expired, too, but that was okay.

Now if you’ve never had a passport, the BC is probably required.

Having been born in Michigan, I can’t get the gender changed on my BC until after I’ve had the surgery. You can bet that paperwork will be on the way in late September!!

Stephanie

Good luck and enjoy the changed and soon to be correct documentation. I believe that there are four states, my own Ohio in that quartet, that will not change birth certificates at all. Hopefully that will change sometime.....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 03, 2019, 03:56:11 pm
Congratulations Faith, I know from personal experience, just how good it feels to get some official paperwork validating who you are. Well done girlfriend! BTW, in Colorado they don't allow you to smile...but if after five or more tries the smile is still there, you get it on the license. I tried not to smile but couldn't get rid of it.

Love and hugs for the two of you,
Tia Anne & Debi

I've been bouncy and happy all day. I showed my card to anyone who would look at it :)
I was smiling, I held back so as to not spoil the photo.

love and hugs back atcha!!
Faith and Lori / Lori and Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on May 03, 2019, 04:10:08 pm
Great DL pictures Faith and Steph! I like mine too. It's my first DL picture I've ever liked.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 04, 2019, 05:33:58 pm
A while back Lori and I were out shopping. I came across a purse that I really liked. She told me to get it, so I did. Now, I like the purse, still, it seemed a bit plain.

For some time I've been looking at various pins. The downside was having the pin go with any outfit. Well now, the purse needed something and I needed a pin .. so .. here you have it.

(http://i.imgur.com/K0SfXq5.jpg)
**puppy purchased separately**

Today was support group day. It was ok. A few decent things brought up before the conversations went off track. What they did have was some people come in to do makeup. The gal really liked my hair  ;D she also liked the way I already had my makeup done. I told her to go ahead and try something a little different. This is the result


(http://i.imgur.com/rnrnLbB.jpg)

Yes, I'm tired. Still, I could overhear the 'pretty' and 'gorgeous' comments. I'm going to get an inflated ego if they keep that up.

I'm on my phone so that's an abbreviated rundown of today.

Oh, and the purse holds more .. you know, like extra emergency tissues.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 04, 2019, 07:56:46 pm

Today was support group day. It was ok. A few decent things brought up before the conversations went off track. What they did have was some people come in to do makeup. The gal really liked my hair  ;D she also liked the way I already had my makeup done. I told her to go ahead and try something a little different. This is the result


(http://i.imgur.com/rnrnLbB.jpg)

Yes, I'm tired. Still, I could overhear the 'pretty' and 'gorgeous' comments. I'm going to get an inflated ego if they keep that up.


Yes, you did look even great sitting in the chair while she was working on you!

They did enhance my makeup, too, and I went right away to Walgreen's, and had my passport pictures for the US and the German passport taken.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JanePlain on May 05, 2019, 03:05:09 am
I haven't been as active here but I wanted to say how happy I am to hear you are now in version 2.0!  Name changes etc all prove you are crushing it!  Congrats!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 06, 2019, 09:58:04 am
not so tired today, phew. I still feel like I could sleep all day though. I can see by the over-abundance of replies that no one wanted to comment on that photo, I don't blame you. I look drugged up and run over after a bad night out.

Birth Certificate
IDIOTS! .. I can't get a certified copy of my own birth certificate because my name doesn't match. Lori can request one for me .. I can't get my own .. SAY WHAT!!??!!

On the plus side, I found out that I don't need one to get my birth cert amended anyways, so that saves me about $100.
ON the down side, I need an original notarized DR letter. Mine are original, not notarized. I had to request new letters and now I'm waiting ... again.

Went for massages yesterday afternoon. Felt really really good. I don't think I've been called lady so many times in a day, much less in just the hour it took. I was in shorts, t-shirt, no make-up

That's it. You can move along now to more interesting topics. I'm sorry to have distracted you with my ramblings.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on May 06, 2019, 10:15:30 am
Birth Certificate
IDIOTS! .. I can't get a certified copy of my own birth certificate because my name doesn't match. Lori can request one for me .. I can't get my own .. SAY WHAT!!??!!

On the plus side, I found out that I don't need one to get my birth cert amended anyways, so that saves me about $100.

That's it. You can move along now to more interesting topics. I'm sorry to have distracted you with my ramblings.

Interestingly enough this is interesting…
So birth certificate before name change!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on May 06, 2019, 04:27:28 pm
Nonsense Faith! I thought your picture looks great. And the puppy too ;D Your hair is getting long. I love it. I'm letting mine grow out long too. I may think about bangs?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 06, 2019, 04:49:00 pm
Nonsense Faith! I thought your picture looks great. And the puppy too ;D Your hair is getting long. I love it. I'm letting mine grow out long too. I may think about bangs?

true, a nonsense picture but what do you do? Puppy (not really, he's getting old) photo-bombed me. Walked in to take a peek just as I hit the button.

long hair, yep, I get those comments as well .. "Wow, your hair grows fast" .. always has. The reason the front is shorter than the back is because I used to trim the bangs a few times before getting my hair cut. This time around, no trimming. I went from collar length to mid back in ~15 months? Faster than average, not amazingly fast though. Average is ~6" / year. Individuals vary a lot.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 07, 2019, 09:23:20 am
Well, Lori and I finally got new phones. Sure, 2018 models. We had to shop price. Here's some selfie camera test shots ...

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/cdUgg0y.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/ctvq3ki.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/Z2z0ZGt.jpg)

That third photo is likely the only time you will ever see me utilize that particular feature.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on May 07, 2019, 09:30:59 am
Well, Lori and I finally got new phones. Sure, 2018 models. We had to shop price. Here's some selfie camera test shots ...

That third photo is likely the only time you will ever see me utilize that particular feature.

Your new phone takes wonderful pictures.....the third one I absolutely love 💕
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 07, 2019, 09:39:36 am
Your new phone takes wonderful pictures.....the third one I absolutely love 💕
@Faith   cc: @Jessica
Dear Faith:
The comment reply from Jess is exactly correct...
...your new phone takes wonderful pictures...
BUT it is the person in the photos (YOU) that looks "more" wonderful.

You look beautiful in the pictures, and that last photo is definitely a keeper!!!  Lots of FUN! ;)
Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 07, 2019, 10:00:40 am
You look a little sheepish in that last picture. Cute sheep, though!


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 07, 2019, 10:13:10 am
Your new phone takes wonderful pictures.....the third one I absolutely love

@Faith   cc: @Jessica
Dear Faith:
The comment reply from Jess is exactly correct...
...your new phone takes wonderful pictures...
BUT it is the person in the photos (YOU) that looks "more" wonderful.

You look beautiful in the pictures, and that last photo is definitely a keeper!!!  Lots of FUN! ;)
Hugs,
Danielle


You look a little sheepish in that last picture. Cute sheep, though!

Stephanie

 I had all kinds of self-deprecating text written up in reply. I erased them. I need to learn to smile gracefully and say thanks

Well, the thanks are heart-felt at least, I've never been very graceful  :-*


... on the other hand .. the third one? really? *sigh*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 07, 2019, 11:09:20 am
You look really nice Faith. Not generally a fan of the stickers, but they can be fun. I used them once, the evidence floating around the forums somewhere.

Who wants a notarized doctor letter? The state department is very specific about how its written for a passport but I didn't need it notarized.  Always possible that they changed the rules since last year.




Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 07, 2019, 11:17:17 am
... Not generally a fan of the stickers ...
me neither
Quote
Who wants a notarized doctor letter? The state department is very specific about how its written for a passport but I didn't need it notarized.  Always possible that they changed the rules since last year.
New York State, to amend my birth certificate. Everything has to be notarized.


ps.
Quote
You look really nice Faith.
thank you
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 07, 2019, 03:13:29 pm
ACK!!!!!

I just got my car tag renewal notice, old name of course. So I look it up to see about changing it. Well, it seems that you have to change it on the title, filling it out as if you sold it, then take it in to the tax collector and pay pay pay. In Florida it has to be done within 30 days of name change. JEEEZZZZ what else am I going to trip over ....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 07, 2019, 03:18:30 pm
ACK!!!!!

I just got my car tag renewal notice, old name of course. So I look it up to see about changing it. Well, it seems that you have to change it on the title, filling it out as if you sold it, then take it in to the tax collector and pay pay pay. In Florida it has to be done within 30 days of name change. JEEEZZZZ what else am I going to trip over ....

First... AVATAR! Lovely!

Second, yup. For me it was three cars and two trailers at $58 a pop. Ugh.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 07, 2019, 03:22:21 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I can feel and understand your frustrations....   just when you think you have the name changes and gender changes on documents.... low and behold, a new one comes in the mail.
 
I got most of the government licenses and documents changed fairly quickly, then titles to my car, home and properties took longer, then my official Accounting licenses and my University diplomas and certificates, my bank and investment documents,    and years later there will still be something that pops up....

All those place have their own set of confusing rules before they will do anything,
nd like you stated...  pay, pay, pay.

Hang in there and work on them as they continue to come in.
Thank you for sharing.

HUGS,
Danielle


ACK!!!!!

I just got my car tag renewal notice, old name of course. So I look it up to see about changing it. Well, it seems that you have to change it on the title, filling it out as if you sold it, then take it in to the tax collector and pay pay pay. In Florida it has to be done within 30 days of name change. JEEEZZZZ what else am I going to trip over ....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 07, 2019, 03:37:25 pm
First... AVATAR! Lovely! .....

Thank you Stephanie. It was supposed to be  picture of my earrings. I had just posted to Randi referencing why I don't have a profile photo, then I'm chatting with my daughter-sister-in-law-in-law (heeheeheeheee) who gave them to me and I take this photo. Well, it's actually tolerable (for now). So I uploaded it since it was fresh in my mind. So .. it's all Randi's fault

Danielle, yes. I was all ready for surprises .. just not so soon and with the proviso of 'within 30 days'  :o
the price of being me *sigh*  ...... I'll pay it !!  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on May 07, 2019, 05:52:09 pm
Yup! And so it starts! The ridiculous "Why do I have to do that?" name change "Why can't you just do" of government hoops we must jump through. And it all changes from state to state apparently.

I did have to do the same thing with my auto title to get my name changed. I just went through the Auto Club. They took care of the whole mess for me. It took about a month to get everything changed over and just when you think you've covered everything, something else jumps up and bites you. I still have to visit the FAA to get my name changed on my pilots license.

Steady as she goes Faith!!! And great avatar girl!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 08, 2019, 08:25:57 am


ACK!!!!!

I just got my car tag renewal notice, old name of course. So I look it up to see about changing it. Well, it seems that you have to change it on the title, filling it out as if you sold it, then take it in to the tax collector and pay pay pay. In Florida it has to be done within 30 days of name change. JEEEZZZZ what else am I going to trip over ....

Maybe its worth not having a decent picture on my driver's license.  I haven't gotten replacement titles but the registration automatically switched to my correct name when I got my new license.  Address in their system was already updated due to changing that on the auto registrations and only had to change one and all the others updated.

There is no logic to who requires what in order to fix your name.  All I had to do to change my pharmacist license was email a copy of the order but the NABP,  (National Association of Pharmacy Boards which for me only keeps track of continuing education credits) had a special form that needed to be notarized.  And for work I just changed it my self on the HR website and that filtered out to health insurance etc. 
Magazine subscriptions are fairly easy to change but one that often gets forgotten.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 08, 2019, 11:15:56 am
well, it appears that the online documentation is a bit outdated. Of course, the people there didn't know either. I could update the title(s) by transferring them to myself @ $85 apiece. NAH!!!!! All I have to do is sign my old name if/when I sell them. The system will show the name change when it's titled to the new owner.

When I went in I told the gal that it may already be changed, she was like, "No, I don't think so. We don't do that". Sure enough when she pulled up the record for my '84 Camino from years ago, it had my new name. YAY!

So, all in all not a bad day and I did get the tag registration done and it's in my name.

SS - done
DMV - done
Voter registration - done
Tags/title - done
CC's - done
bank card - done .. AND .. I managed to get one issued to me finally. Lori and I now both have our own cards. It only took 29 years  :o
Work - done
Work insurance - not changed yet, should update soon
Utilities - Mostly Lori's name. I changed mine where appropriate.

still more to go, we're getting there though :)

Complementary granddaughter photos from my new phone in celebration:
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/qLD5Opf.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/AAhfZ6a.jpg)


Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 08, 2019, 11:23:35 am
well, it appears that the online documentation is a bit outdated. Of course, the people there didn't know either. I could update the title(s) by transferring them to myself @ $85 apiece. NAH!!!!! All I have to do is sign my old name if/when I sell them. The system will show the name change when it's titled to the new owner.

When I went in I told the gal that it may already be changed, she was like, "No, I don't think so. We don't do that". Sure enough when she pulled up the record for my '84 Camino from years ago, it had my new name. YAY!

So, all in all not a bad day and I did get the tag registration done and it's in my name.

SS - done
DMV - done
Voter registration - done
Tags/title - done
CC's - done
bank card - done .. AND .. I managed to get one issued to me finally. Lori and I now both have our own cards. It only took 29 years  :o
Work - done
Work insurance - not changed yet, should update soon
Utilities - Mostly Lori's name. I changed mine where appropriate.

still more to go, we're getting there though :)

Complementary granddaughter photos from my new phone in celebration:
Now that's a good use of the camera stickers.

I hadn't changed anything regarding our house and had to sign all that stuff twice with an f.k.a. when we sold it.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 08, 2019, 08:56:54 pm
I had my daily adventure with my new passport.  I first went to the post office, they said they can't process it because my naturalization certificate is not changed.  They told me to go to the court house.  Ok, I went there, and had a very friendly lady helping me with everything.  one problem, the feds wanted the payment ($110) as a money order.  I had to run to the next post office again, buy a money order, and the clerk kept my spot in line free, so I could continue to work with her.  Her supervisor cross checked the paperwork, and I was told that I can expect my new pass port in about 4 weeks.  They did not see any reason for changing my naturalization certificate, and I like this, changing it i more than $600!  Pretty soon I will have a new pass port with my new name and the gender marker F.

As I went back to the car i had a parking ticket for $54 on it.  I had parked in a reserved for official vehicles area, but I have a handicapped sticker hanging from the mirror, and the law allows o to park in those places.  One super meter maid probably does not know the law.  Now I have to fight the city of Fort Myers to get the ticket removed!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on May 09, 2019, 04:11:46 pm
Dietlind! That reminds me. I've never had a passport before but I want to get one now. I need to get started on that.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 10, 2019, 10:06:06 am
rough day today. I want to lie down and curl up somewhere. I came close, I found a corner here at work and sat down in it for a while.  No one could see me except the DJ.

I'm still in the jeans and shirt that I changed into last night. Make-up? What's that? I trimmed my nails short as well, after removing any sign of polish.

Therapy today, I do believe it's the first time that she'll see me when I am not all dolled up. Something she's asked me about. My answer was, "I dress up for me." which seemed to satisfy some other part of the question that I wasn't privy to. Today I didn't dress up and that's for me as well.

I can't even get excited about my 2000th post .. whichever one that was.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 10, 2019, 01:29:43 pm
rough day today. I want to lie down and curl up somewhere. I came close, I found a corner here at work and sat down in it for a while.  No one could see me except the DJ.

I'm still in the jeans and shirt that I changed into last night. Make-up? What's that? I trimmed my nails short as well, after removing any sign of polish.

Therapy today, I do believe it's the first time that she'll see me when I am not all dolled up. Something she's asked me about. My answer was, "I dress up for me." which seemed to satisfy some other part of the question that I wasn't privy to. Today I didn't dress up and that's for me as well.

I can't even get excited about my 2000th post .. whichever one that was.
Eva will understand and help you to find the right path.  I would not know what I would have done along the way without her help!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 10, 2019, 06:51:46 pm
rough day today. I want to lie down and curl up somewhere. I came close, I found a corner here at work and sat down in it for a while.  No one could see me except the DJ.

I'm still in the jeans and shirt that I changed into last night. Make-up? What's that? I trimmed my nails short as well, after removing any sign of polish.

Therapy today, I do believe it's the first time that she'll see me when I am not all dolled up. Something she's asked me about. My answer was, "I dress up for me." which seemed to satisfy some other part of the question that I wasn't privy to. Today I didn't dress up and that's for me as well.

I can't even get excited about my 2000th post .. whichever one that was.
Always sorry to hear when you're in a funk.
They do seem to be less frequent.
Hope you get through it soon

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 11, 2019, 06:48:34 pm
was it only yesterday? feels much longer. 2 days of funk is plenty.

Therapist said, "You're reading too much into it. Did you talk to Lori?" ... yeah, nope
Talked to Lori, "No, I didn't feel that at all"
Why did I feel like <poo>? Why do I feel like <poo>? I cannot stand that thought that she looks at me and misses him, I know that she does. *sigh*


As an aside from the funk .. Today was my first day at a public pool. Yes, I wore my swim suit, no it was not a bikini. Lori  forbade me from wearing trunk, something about getting arrested :D Well, I had not considered it for a moment.

The closer we got to the pool, the higher my anxiety got. As I walked to the pool, I had my hands full and clutching a towel around me. I went straight to a table and sat there for 30 mins getting hotter and hotter staring at the pool. Finally I got the nerve to walk to the pool and get in .. where my outfit immediately floated up. Excuse me, I wore a skirt type for a reason. I need weights in the hem!!

As we left the gentleman at the counter wished us both a happy mother's day. Apparently we looked like child, mom, and grandMom. <poo>!! I still look old. Why can't I lose 20 years on estrogen???  Fine, take the good, I was gendered correctly :-/

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 11, 2019, 06:57:11 pm
Oh, photos, hmm. Ok. One from today and three from Thursday. No Friday, that was 'in a funk, no makeup jeans day"
ps.  I don't like today's, still here it is.

(https://i.imgur.com/HmkrmCk.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/EF4YWVl.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/xtEw9dk.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/FBkY6Bp.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 11, 2019, 07:18:18 pm
All of those pictures are GREAT, but 3 and 4 are just plain OUTSTANDING!!! I love that mysterious smile!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 12, 2019, 07:55:27 am
Mother's Day, not for me. Without understanding why, I fought against any Mother's Day celebrating. Now I look back and know why. Still, even now, I do not wish to be celebrated for Mother's Day. My children have a Mother and she's a great Mom. I was a good Father, was I a great Dad? My children think so and that's what counts. It wasn't and isn't about any particular role that we played in the upbringing, it's who we were, who we are. I'm still Dad, I'll always be their Dad. I would never wish to take that day away from their Mom.

I will celebrate my two daughters for being Moms, I will celebrate my wife for being Mom. I am not Mom, I'm Dad. I can live with that.

For me, I would like to wish my Mom a Happy Mother's Day as Faith. Yet I can't, she is no longer with us. She never got to meet Faith.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 13, 2019, 08:29:46 am
Overall just a quiet family day yesterday. Nothing untoward happened. Today is a new week. This week, it's time to get serious about diet and exercise again. I've put on 8 lbs since our vacation-that-wasn't trip. ICK!!

I have great will power, I need to work on my won't power. Instead of "I will take a bite" "I will eat that cookie" I will eat that doughnut" "I will nibble just a little more" I need to change them all to wont's.

Oh, one quiet little comment. Lori and my daughters, and granddaughters, were all outside. I walked out to join them and they were like, "We were just talking about you". It came up about all the gals being outside and the guys inside. The comment was made that, "Nope, not all the gals, Dad is still inside". hmmm .. yeah, I'll take it :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on May 13, 2019, 08:32:31 am
Awww... so cool! Happy for you!

Glad you had a quiet weekend.

Hugs, Sarah

The comment was made that, "Nope, not all the gals, Dad is still inside". hmmm .. yeah, I'll take it :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 13, 2019, 08:49:54 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Overall, in spite of your diet difficulties... I much enjoyed reading your, what I considered to be, a good report.
Yes, after your "vacation" get back to your "will-power" mode and get that extra weight off.

I am rejoicing with you regarding your comment about the gals outside and the guys inside... and you walked outside you heard  "Nope, not all the gals, Dad is still inside".

Have a great day and a good "new" week .....
Again, thank you for sharing.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

Overall just a quiet family day yesterday. Nothing untoward happened. Today is a new week. This week, it's time to get serious about diet and exercise again. I've put on 8 lbs since our vacation-that-wasn't trip. ICK!!

I have great will power, I need to work on my won't power. Instead of "I will take a bite" "I will eat that cookie" I will eat that doughnut" "I will nibble just a little more" I need to change them all to wont's.

Oh, one quiet little comment. Lori and my daughters, and granddaughters, were all outside. I walked out to join them and they were like, "We were just talking about you". It came up about all the gals being outside and the guys inside. The comment was made that, "Nope, not all the gals, Dad is still inside". hmmm .. yeah, I'll take it :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 13, 2019, 08:55:29 am
The comment was made that, "Nope, not all the gals, Dad is still inside". hmmm .. yeah, I'll take it :)

Nice !! Have a great week

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 13, 2019, 09:54:16 am
I ate my banana
I ate my other banana
I ate my 15 almonds
I drank my coffee
an hour to go before I can eat my salad ... AAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH *grumble gurgle*

hmm, I do have one small potato ............................................
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 13, 2019, 10:02:20 am
On to transition seriousness. I still struggle with mirrors. I look as much as I can, I take more selfies than a self-idolizing egotistical teen, then I try to share where others see, reply, try for positive feedback only to get .. more struggle. Will my brain ever give up and just say, enough is enough, yes you're a woman!!

Ok, I got that off my chest .. which wasn't hard since the slopes are fairly low.

Have a Monday selfie
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/qsyRyxA.jpg)

Yes, I tied my hair back .. it was in the way. I really  need to get a haircut.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 13, 2019, 10:12:16 am
Very nice Faith, yes you are woman, there I said it, I've been following your thread for a bit now, and I will tell you, I admire folks that step up and post real pictures. I think your selfie today has the "glow" of femininity (IMHO).

The Internet is full of "snap chat filtered computer generated images of what a human might look like in the other gender", I like real.

You're real

C -

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 13, 2019, 10:12:35 am
On to transition seriousness. I still struggle with mirrors. I look as much as I can, I take more selfies than a self-idolizing egotistical teen, then I try to share where others see, reply, try for positive feedback only to get .. more struggle. Will my brain ever give up and just say, enough is enough, yes you're a woman!!

Ok, I got that off my chest .. which wasn't hard since the slopes are fairly low.

Have a Monday selfie
Yes, I tied my hair back .. it was in the way. I really  need to get a haircut.
As I always told you, you look great!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 13, 2019, 10:21:15 am
As I always told you, you look great!

Yes, and most people agree. I'm the one having issues with me *sigh*

Very nice Faith, yes you are woman, there I said it, I've been following your thread for a bit now, and I will tell you, I admire folks that step up and post real pictures. I think your selfie today has the "glow" of femininity (IMHO).

The Internet is full of "snap chat filtered computer generated images of what a human might look like in the other gender", I like real.

You're real

C -

Yeah, no, I can't do filtered images. I played with some, what's the point? It's not me. My work ID badge is the only doctored image that I use anymore. It really looks like me now, only younger.

Then there is the really unfiltered .. no makeup (last Friday)

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/t4dOVmz.jpg)

who is that creepy dude

Still, the photo does show that my receding hairline is filling in :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 14, 2019, 05:38:24 am
sorry, my no make-up photo must have scared you all away. I promise not to offend your senses again.

New day, same struggles. mirrors .. ugh; body shape .. ugh; who am I .. uh, yeah, I got that one figured out, sort of, as much as any of us do; partnership - ARRGGHHH. We are so much better off than we were, so much better off than many others - even cis-couples, yet ... there's this line. It's a very thick heavy tall line that I just can't seem to cross. Can't move it, can't climb it, can't go around it. All I can do is erode it and that takes time. I'm in a prison of my own making and it's a life sentence.

sigh

Oh, no, actually I'm in a good mood. I'm just musing and expressing. Want photo proof? naaah, why spoil it ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: LizK on May 14, 2019, 06:10:42 am
sorry, my no make-up photo must have scared you all away. I promise not to offend your senses again.

... there's this line. It's a very thick heavy tall line that I just can't seem to cross. Can't move it, can't climb it, can't go around it. All I can do is erode it and that takes time. I'm in a prison of my own making and it's a life sentence.

sigh


Lines can be erased if you find the right removal tool...I am sure there is one out there just made for you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 14, 2019, 07:26:36 am
sorry, my no make-up photo must have scared you all away. I promise not to offend your senses again.

New day, same struggles. mirrors .. ugh; body shape .. ugh; who am I .. uh, yeah, I got that one figured out, sort of, as much as any of us do; partnership - ARRGGHHH. We are so much better off than we were, so much better off than many others - even cis-couples, yet ... there's this line. It's a very thick heavy tall line that I just can't seem to cross. Can't move it, can't climb it, can't go around it. All I can do is erode it and that takes time. I'm in a prison of my own making and it's a life sentence.

sigh

Oh, no, actually I'm in a good mood. I'm just musing and expressing. Want photo proof? naaah, why spoil it ...

New day, new vibe, I liked the first picture better. Invisible lines we create in our minds, "break on through to the other side" channeling Morrison this morning...

C -



Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 14, 2019, 07:32:55 am
This line isn't in my head. I still need to cross it. Slow process

OH, is this good or bad?

I walked past a male co-worker this morning, long time work friend, anyways we both said good morning yet while I looked at his face to say hi, his eyes never moved up that far   :o
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 14, 2019, 07:38:43 am
This line isn't in my head. I still need to cross it. Slow process

OH, is this good or bad?

I walked past a male co-worker this morning, long time work friend, anyways we both said good morning yet while I looked at his face to say hi, his eyes never moved up that far   :o
Was he avoiding eye contact or looking at something else? Let's go with stunned by your beauty and didn't want to get caught staring. 

Regarding the pictures from yesterday, biggest difference is the smile. I hate being  the "you should smile more" person, but you look happier in the first one.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 14, 2019, 07:46:36 am
It's hard for guys, think about all the socialization they've been through.

Title: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 14, 2019, 07:48:31 am
This line isn't in my head. I still need to cross it. Slow process

The walls that won’t come down,
We can decorate or climb
Or find a way to get around
‘Cause I’m still on your side...
- Coast of Carolina, Jimmy Buffett/Mac McAnally

We’re all on your side.

If you can’t get across that line, plant flowers on it.

Quote
OH, is this good or bad?

I walked past a male co-worker this morning, long time work friend, anyways we both said good morning yet while I looked at his face to say hi, his eyes never moved up that far   :o

OH, that’s good. I have the opposite problem.

Hey buddy, my t*ts are down here!


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 14, 2019, 08:05:15 am
It's hard for guys, think about all the socialization they've been through.

I can't, I'm trying to forget it. ;D


OH, that’s good. I have the opposite problem.

Hey buddy, my t*ts are down here!

Stephanie

I don't know what he could see. I can barely see them when I look down at them much less (literally, much less) in the mirror looking straight on. Maybe he was hoping for a glimpse. "Hey buddy, a glimpse is all you get .. blink and they're gone"
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 15, 2019, 11:01:04 am
a random meaningless post for today, hmm, let me think ..

It was cold in our house yesterday (overworking AC)
I went outside on the steps to warm up a bit
Something was in the air, it hit my sinuses hard within seconds
nasty headache, couldn't breathe, sneezing

Today I'm ... just as bad. I don't know what is was, it was potent.

and there you have it, a high quality post worthy of sharing with no one.
.
.
.
.
.
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oh, my mood? My mood is fine, I just feel like <poo>.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 15, 2019, 11:43:52 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Well, for one, I enjoyed your "everyday life" posting.  ...  and the good news is that
you stated "oh, my mood? My mood is fine"

Wow, Air Conditioning already?   Here it has not broken the 70 deg F mark yet.  It was 61 deg F yesterday and today it may get into the mid or even high 60's  .... but based on past years I do expect warmer temperatures in the next week or so.....   but no air conditioning needed, which is a good thing because there are no homes here have Air Conditioning.

Thank you for sharing.....
Hugs,
Danielle

a random meaningless post for today, hmm, let me think ..

It was cold in our house yesterday (overworking AC)
I went outside on the steps to warm up a bit
Something was in the air, it hit my sinuses hard within seconds
nasty headache, couldn't breathe, sneezing

Today I'm ... just as bad. I don't know what is was, it was potent.

and there you have it, a high quality post worthy of sharing with no one.
.
.
.
.
.
.
oh, my mood? My mood is fine, I just feel like <poo>.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 15, 2019, 11:52:00 am
Dear Faith:
Well, for one, I enjoyed your "everyday life" posting.  ...  and the good news is that
you stated "oh, my mood? My mood is fine"

Wow, Air Conditioning already?   Here it has not broken the 70 deg F mark yet.  It was 61 deg F yesterday and today it may get into the mid or even high 60's  .... but based on past years I do expect warmer temperatures in the next week or so.....   but no air conditioning needed, which is a good thing because there are no homes here have Air Conditioning.

Thank you for sharing.....
Hugs,
Danielle


I figured, HEY why only share "I'm feeling down, the world is ending" posts?

Air conditioning, yuppers. We have been hitting mid-80's with high humidity 'feels like 90+' temperatures. Without AC running my house would be a sauna. I have this, aversion?, to running around the house nekked.

Oh, I found a top yesterday, nice fitting, shaped with a tail. I put it on last night and Lori's first comment was, "You need to wear a bra with that" sigh .. sometimes the headlights are on and it's not even dark out.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 15, 2019, 12:04:31 pm
I figured, HEY why only share "I'm feeling down, the world is ending" posts?

Air conditioning, yuppers. We have been hitting mid-80's with high humidity 'feels like 90+' temperatures. Without AC running my house would be a sauna. I have this, aversion?, to running around the house nekked.

Oh, I found a top yesterday, nice fitting, shaped with a tail. I put it on last night and Lori's first comment was, "You need to wear a bra with that" sigh .. sometimes the headlights are on and it's not even dark out.
@Faith
Dear Faith:
While your followers here do want to read about your difficult times so we can support you with our words and comments, we also LOVE to read about your good and happy and everyday life times.

Well now, that is certainly good news, I would love to see a photo of you in your new top, and yes, it is good news that you do need a bra if your headlights are on... and if they are on most of time and showing in what you wear, that is a very good report indeed.

I needed to wear a bra all the time when I went full-time over 2 1/2 years ago...  my "high-beams" were a distraction to my serious business activities and to my clients.... "Hey... my eyes are up here!"

Thank you for sharing your good moments.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 15, 2019, 12:18:31 pm
... I would love to see a photo of you in your new top ...

Well, that might be problematic in the short-term. How about a consolation prize of today's daily selfie?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2GNl0B.jpg)
I know, I know, I've put on weight ... it shows in my face :(

Oh, and Danielle (I really wish mentions worked) I'd like to thank you for all your kind words and thoughts. they are always and much appreciated. I tend to forget to thank people properly. A carry-over from him days I think.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 15, 2019, 12:35:09 pm
Well, that might be problematic in the short-term. How about a consolation prize of today's daily selfie?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2GNl0B.jpg)
I know, I know, I've put on weight ... it shows in my face :(

Oh, and Danielle (I really wish mentions worked) I'd like to thank you for all your kind words and thoughts. they are always and much appreciated. I tend to forget to thank people properly. A carry-over from him days I think.

Very nice today Faith, best of the week so far  :) :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 15, 2019, 12:59:58 pm
Very nice today Faith, best of the week so far  :) :)

Thank you Cynthia, I do have my days. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 15, 2019, 01:53:03 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith: 
Thank you for posting and sharing your truly beautiful picture of yourself. 
If I were you I would consider making that a new Avatar/Profile picture.

Also, thank you very much for your kind comments.

HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on May 15, 2019, 01:58:57 pm
Well, that might be problematic in the short-term. How about a consolation prize of today's daily selfie?
Faith, I love the latest pic!  Your smile is subtle yet powerful!  It looks like you are up to something devious.  I like that! :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 15, 2019, 02:08:24 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith: 
Thank you for posting and sharing your truly beautiful picture of yourself. 
If I were you I would consider making that a new Avatar/Profile picture.

Also, thank you very much for your kind comments.

HUGS,
Danielle


My pleasure. Sorry though. While I do like the photo, as with all of photos I cannot look at it very long. Thus, my profile/avatar spot must stay empty for the most part. I do try occasionally, sometimes I even manage for a few days. :(  :icon_ashamed: :icon_cry:

Faith, I love the latest pic!  Your smile is subtle yet powerful!  It looks like you are up to something devious.  I like that! :D

It's the 'I have a secret' smile. Hmm, not much 'secret' any more. HAH!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 16, 2019, 05:29:44 am
... I would love to see a photo of you in your new top ...


I tried, I really did. I can't do it. I would have deleted the photos as soon as they were taken, except Lori took them on her phone. I'm not allowed.

The only photos worse than my head/shoulder selfies are my full body photos ..
ICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


edit:

I almost forgot. I mailed off my Birth Certificate papers last night. Now it's wait and wait and wait ... Lori's excited. Once I get that we are both going to get our passports because, well, you never know what might happen
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 16, 2019, 07:56:48 am



I tried, I really did. I can't do it. I would have deleted the photos as soon as they were taken, except Lori took them on her phone. I'm not allowed.

The only photos worse than my head/shoulder selfies are my full body photos ..
ICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


edit:

I almost forgot. I mailed off my Birth Certificate papers last night. Now it's wait and wait and wait ... Lori's excited. Once I get that we are both going to get our passports because, well, you never know what might happen

You've posted some full body pics that were very nice.  I think they were not selfies though, so not posed. It's hard to pose and look natural, especially if you're also working the camera. Lori is going to have to sneak some pictures of you for posting.

Yay on sending out for your new birth certificate.  I had no travel plans when I got my first passport, did it at same time as one of the kids when they were going on a school trip.  Used it within a year, so you never know.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on May 16, 2019, 01:58:26 pm
Lovely picture Faith. Often many people are looking at the screen when they snap the selfie. Thus they appear to be looking off to one side or the other. But I can see you are looking straight at the camera lens. I love your choice of lipstick color.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 17, 2019, 05:42:21 am
@Tonya .. Yeah, I know. Still, full body is the single most dysphoric image for me.  I will literally break down. Tia and Debi can attest to that.

@Donica. Thank you. Once in a while the make-up applicator does what it's supposed to do.

Speaking of, same thing only different today. My make-up is always a question. Here's a Friday (yes, my hair is still wet)
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/wxjKGfi.jpg)
I may delete this one, it really hits me wrong.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 17, 2019, 05:48:25 am
I had a fairly open discussion with a gal here at work (minus TMI type QA, we didn't go there). Apparently ...
- I have style
- even when I 'dress down' due to mood, I have style
- I really 'kill it' when I dress up
- DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE ..yeah, she was pretty adamant that I should never even consider any type of facial work
- She was unimpressed with my, um, discomfort with my body shape. According to her I worry about it too much.
- I really do have a personality .. who would have thunk it.
- I can pull off 'handsome guy' or 'gorgeous woman' equally. (I showed her some pre-transition photos)

there was a bit more in the conversation, I think that's enough self-praise for now.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 17, 2019, 06:18:55 am
I had a fairly open discussion with a gal here at work (minus TMI type QA, we didn't go there). Apparently ...
- I have style
- even when I 'dress down' due to mood, I have style
- I really 'kill it' when I dress up
- DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE ..yeah, she was pretty adamant that I should never even consider any type of facial work
- She was unimpressed with my, um, discomfort with my body shape. According to her I worry about it too much.
- I really do have a personality .. who would have thunk it.
- I can pull off 'handsome guy' or 'gorgeous woman' equally. (I showed her some pre-transition photos)

there was a bit more in the conversation, I think that's enough self-praise for now.

Praise or criticism are secondary to truth. And truth is secondary to whether or not you choose to believe it. You should.

She must be a very special person to lay it all out like that. Even those closest to me, who I know feel that way, have never used words like that. I’d be glowing.


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 17, 2019, 06:59:02 am
Sounds like a pleasant discussion was had. Hopefully you'll get comfortable enough with full body shots that we can get a better glimpse of your style. I like the top in your latest pic and would have liked to see more of it. (Please don't take that as pressure to post some pics, do it when you are ready, we can wait.)

 It'll come, hormone magic is incredibly slow acting, especially for those of us of a certain age.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 17, 2019, 09:50:08 am
some photos I am more comfortable with than others .. for example ...

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FANCY NAILS DAY!!!

(https://i.imgur.com/M4AilRq.jpg)

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 17, 2019, 09:51:31 am
some photos I am more comfortable with than others .. for example ...

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FANCY NAILS DAY!!!

(https://i.imgur.com/M4AilRq.jpg)

love em'

I am into the "green" spectrum myself

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on May 17, 2019, 01:51:57 pm
some photos I am more comfortable with than others .. for example ...

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FANCY NAILS DAY!!!

(https://i.imgur.com/M4AilRq.jpg)



Wow! How awesome!!! Love the color. How was the detail done Faith?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 17, 2019, 02:00:01 pm
Wow! How awesome!!! Love the color. How was the detail done Faith?

With my current budget it would be Sharpies.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 17, 2019, 02:25:50 pm
Wow! How awesome!!! Love the color. How was the detail done Faith?

With my current budget it would be Sharpies.

I cheated, I used nail polish strips. They go on like stickers yet they are nail polish. There's a slight learning curve to applying them. I put this set on in 15 mins.

I had these given to me, I can't remember the brand.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 17, 2019, 02:30:36 pm
I cheated, I used nail polish strips. They go on like stickers yet they are nail polish. There's a slight learning curve to applying them. I put this set on in 15 mins.

I had these given to me, I can't remember the brand.

I admit that when I don’t use plain polish, I’ve been using press-on nails lately. Wally World sells kits for $5.95 and they look fabulous. The only problem is they’re really meant for - if you’ll excuse the description - skinny b*tches, and those of us with endocrine imbalances that made our hands big use up the big sizes in the package quickly. Still, they’re muchly cheaper than a salon.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 17, 2019, 02:33:22 pm
I admit that when I don’t use plain polish, I’ve been using press-on nails lately. Wally World sells kits for $5.95 and they look fabulous. The only problem is they’re really meant for - if you’ll excuse the description - skinny b*tches, and those of us with endocrine imbalances that made our hands big use up the big sizes in the package quickly. Still, they’re muchly cheaper than a salon.

I don't like the press on nails, at least on me. I do like the polish strips .. no plastic. Plus, if your finger is too fat, the design usually hides it when you apply a 2nd thin strip to it so that it covers (they give you extra). A top coat of clear and done.
Title: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 17, 2019, 02:35:59 pm
I don't like the press on nails, at least on me. I do like the polish strips .. no plastic. Plus, if your finger is too fat, the design usually hides it when you apply a 2nd thin strip to it so that it covers (they give you extra). A top coat of clear and done.

Nice! Maybe they would help with the problem of my nails being so weak that they bend on the ends and the polish chips off. I’ll check it out.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Emerald24 on May 17, 2019, 08:16:10 pm
i cant believe i have read every faith post and now I'm chiming in. I've been lurking for a while. i love doing my nails and love giving nail advice. if your nails are not strong try getting some nail oil to rub in every night and any time you use nail polish remover, if you dont want the ends to chip make sure you wrap the tip with the top coat, by that i mean if you paint a clear top coat of polish on the nail make sure you go over the tip of your nail and under it slightly and it keeps the polish on better as it shrinks a little after it dries so it isn't all the way to the end of the nail and that makes it peel up and chip off easier. you can also buy a silicon nail mat, do nail art on it with polish, then wait for it to be dry to touch but not yet brittle and rigid and you can peel it up, cut it to shape, apply clear polish to your nail and stick it right on like a sticker, clear top coat on top to seal it in. means you can do all the nail polish with your dominant hand, you can also use acrylic paint to do nail designs on your nail as you can use a tooth pick to scratch up any mistakes then use a clear coat of polish to seal in you art. a lot of my nail knowledge comes from a youtuber called simplynailogical, she hasn't done a nail art video in a while but if you look at some of her stuff from 2 years or so ago its really useful

ok I'm off to go lurk again, and Faith, you posted on my first ever post on this site, thankyou so much for giving me your input and point of view when i was so confused and in need of advice i really appreciate it! :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 17, 2019, 10:10:40 pm
i cant believe i have read every faith post and now I'm chiming in. ....... <snip> ........  ok I'm off to go lurk again, and Faith, you posted on my first ever post on this site, thank you so much for giving me your input and point of view when i was so confused and in need of advice i really appreciate it! :)

 :o :o :o

I can't believe that you've read all my posts either .. wow .. that's a daunting task. I don't know how you made it through all that rambling. I hope that after all that effort you got some tidbit of help from it.

there is a lot of more private thoughts that I do not post. If a question arose from all that reading, feel free to send me a PM and ask.

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Emerald24 on May 18, 2019, 01:25:39 pm
thankyou faith. when i found out my partner was trans i needed to try to see things from her point of view so i looked for someone's story to read and yours was the first i found. it helped me a lot to figure out how best to support her. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 18, 2019, 02:22:29 pm
thankyou faith. when i found out my partner was trans i needed to try to see things from her point of view so i looked for someone's story to read and yours was the first i found. it helped me a lot to figure out how best to support her. :)

I'm so glad someone did. We (assumption there) don't post and share just to get help, it's also so that others in a similar situation can receive it. Not everyone needing help is in a position to login or post.

While it's best to ask your partner what they need or what you can do, it is not always productive for one reason or another. Questions, on the surface, that seem too hurtful to ask them or they've shut you out due to some internal conflict, etc. Feel free to PM me any question. While I can only answer from my perspective or experience, I'm willing to share what I can.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 19, 2019, 09:29:02 am
My mood is suffering. I am still fighting my mental dissonance from having to work on the house. Sure, women are most capable (and a lot do) of tearing up a wood floor and replacing it. For me it shifted my brain into 'him' patterns. Right down to the frustration, cursing, throwing things. I hated every moment of it.

I have done repairs before without having this happen, I don't know what was different this time.

I'm not quite done so ..... I'm at my daughter's house totally ignoring it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 19, 2019, 09:47:44 am
She is capable, she can do it, and she takes hormones that rewire her brain after so long, it's an adjustment.

I find myself with home repair projects having to take a deep breath, as I grab the cordless drill...

Have a nice Sunday  :)

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 19, 2019, 11:05:47 am
My mood is suffering. I am still fighting my mental dissonance from having to work on the house. Sure, women are most capable (and a lot do) of tearing up a wood floor and replacing it. For me it shifted my brain into 'him' patterns. Right down to the frustration, cursing, throwing things. I hated every moment of it.

I have done repairs before without having this happen, I don't know what was different this time.

I'm not quite done so ..... I'm at my daughter's house totally ignoring it.
Sorry to hear that triggered you.

I didn't feel very feminine doing all the heavy lifting when we moved the kids last year. One thing that helped was I made sure to at least try to dress the part, wore old legging most of the time and always women's cut tshirts.

I know you know that women can do those tasks also. Most of the remodeling TV shows have a woman doing at least some of the work. Do what you need so you know the Faith can do the work. Yeah, that's the hard part.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 19, 2019, 02:54:04 pm
Still fighting him day. Even Lori sees the difference in my face. Expressions or something .. I know I'm not feeling right. She mentioned me "being checked out" while at the store and "not in a good way"

Today sux
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maid Marion on May 19, 2019, 06:53:56 pm
Hi Faith,

Sorry to hear that.  Hope you feel better soon.

Marion
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 23, 2019, 10:03:35 am
I went back to lurking for a few days.

Why?

I am hurting
I am depressed
I despair

Only a few in private know why, only one from the forums. It is not something that I will share with the world. I wish I had a better update, I had meant to wait until the air cleared ... it is not likely to.

While I interact minimally as it is, lurking behind a vpn as a guest made it easy to not participate. I thought to stay away altogether yet there are those few stories on here I wish to follow which drags me back even if anonymously. I feel others pain so intensely (Emma1017  :'(  ). It makes me want to say something, share something, yet all I have to offer is more pain.

silence is better

shhhhhhh .. listen close and you can hear the world crying.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 23, 2019, 10:18:36 am
shhhhhhh .. listen close and you can hear the world crying.

it's so sad because what you say above is true, in the macro sense.

Take care

C -

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on May 23, 2019, 08:56:51 pm
So sorry to hear about your struggles Faith. We all have such days.

You are a strong woman and I know you will get through this like you have gotten through many other smaller and larger crisis.

One of my friends keeps saying “Time will tell” and to “never give up on your dreams”. I know it does sound very cliche but there is still some truth to it.

In any case, here is a big HUG.

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 25, 2019, 06:04:18 pm
Hey y'all

Struggles continue. I really don't know what to do about the ones I'm (not)dealing with. Still, I want my friends here to know that I'm around. I have a couple close friends I correspond with to at least verbalize things.

I shared this photo of me from this morning and figured, since I deleted my other ones, that I'd post it. How long will it be here? No idea.

Quote
(http://i.imgur.com/8TgOfOp.jpg)

Take care
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on May 25, 2019, 06:07:01 pm
Sorry that you are still struggling.  But I'm glad I saw the photo.  Your eyes, that mysterious smile: gorgeous!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 25, 2019, 10:04:12 pm
Good to see you back

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 26, 2019, 09:52:01 am
back, hmm, sort of considering that I never really left. I just buried my head.

I wish that I could say that what's bothering me has subsided and the sun is shining. Well, it's hasn't. The sun is shining, literally, and they are calling for possible record high's. Mid-90's for sure .. ick ...

Still, if you can't face something, can't fix it, distract yourself from it. That's what I've been trying to do. If I sit down to just relax, my brain takes off and it's all over. Clouds roll in.

I did have another PP appointment last Tuesday. I did not fib on the verbal questionnaire, I answered quite honestly. Lori was in the room so she knows exactly how I've been feeling. I also feel like any changes have stalled. It's not like I had anything dramatic in the first place. I was hoping for more significant changes by now. Even emotionally I feel like I've gone backwards a bit AND my arm and leg hair have taken off like someone put miracle-grow on them. It is very disheartening.

It's the first blood test after switching to injections. I asked for a dosage review.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 26, 2019, 10:11:08 am
Ok, back posting again.

Body hair may just be the natural growth cycle and the new growth will thin out eventually. You would want to check the testosterone levels to see, especially if you stopped spiro when starting injecting

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on May 27, 2019, 10:33:49 am
Oh no, sorry to hear Faith -

Body hair is strange, I had so much growth in my face in the last few weeks, it felt like I had never done any electrolysis, even my electrolysis person was a bit surprised. It can be any number of things triggering this. I was hoping to be done by now but it seems another year or so until everything is gone. I really hate it, but there is little I can do about besides going and get it zapped away.

I know many women with quite some hair on arms and legs.

Stay strong and hopefully enjoy the warm weather!!!

back, hmm, sort of considering that I never really left. I just buried my head.

I wish that I could say that what's bothering me has subsided and the sun is shining. Well, it's hasn't. The sun is shining, literally, and they are calling for possible record high's. Mid-90's for sure .. ick ...

Still, if you can't face something, can't fix it, distract yourself from it. That's what I've been trying to do. If I sit down to just relax, my brain takes off and it's all over. Clouds roll in.

I did have another PP appointment last Tuesday. I did not fib on the verbal questionnaire, I answered quite honestly. Lori was in the room so she knows exactly how I've been feeling. I also feel like any changes have stalled. It's not like I had anything dramatic in the first place. I was hoping for more significant changes by now. Even emotionally I feel like I've gone backwards a bit AND my arm and leg hair have taken off like someone put miracle-grow on them. It is very disheartening.

It's the first blood test after switching to injections. I asked for a dosage review.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 27, 2019, 03:51:58 pm
it rains, it pours, such is my life. It keeps up and I'll wash away.

I had my PP appointment. I got my chart, and a phone call that went to voicemail .. which I cannot return the call since it's a holiday. Plus, anytime I try to call I don't get anyone. I get to leave a message, then they call back and it goes to my voicemail. Is it so hard to have callerid actually say Planned Parenthood? I do not answer private/blocked numbers.

Anyways. They've suddenly decided that my kidney function is off. Seriously? It's been off since I started, I told them I had stage 3 when I first got there. They are taking me off of spiro and putting me on finasteride. Well, being off spiro doesn't bother me yet I have no idea how effective finasteride will be. I guess it depends partly on the dosage. half pill a day finasteride. I can't even speculate since they didn't state the pill dosage.

If they are taking me off spiro due to potassium .. well, I have normally low potassium and spiro helps that. Also, why didn't they switch to an alternative blocker?

I hate being in the dark on things. They should post my labs for me to see once they make a determination, why should I have to request them?

I shouldn't be surprised. It's not like anything else has been going right lately.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on May 27, 2019, 04:34:43 pm
Chin up dear, things always work out in the end. Trust me it works for me , anyways have a virtual BIG HUG.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Rachel on May 27, 2019, 05:24:40 pm
Hi Faith,

Sorry you are feeling down.

I had been going to the same provider for 6 years for HRT. They do not check for E. I switched providers and my E was 740 ng/dl on the 13th of 14 days subQ. I guess My E went to 1400 ng/dl post injection. So having E and T checked is important. If you are not happy with the HRT then there are others that can provide the care.

With proper suppression of T and a transitioning dose of E (200 to 500 ng/dl) in time your body hair will thin and many will stop growing. It took me 1.5 years of tight HRT control for this to happen.

HRT needs to be in the proper ranges and then it takes time.

I hope you feel better.
Rachel
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 27, 2019, 05:25:39 pm
I know everyone is different, but Spiro was really hard on my kidneys, don't miss it.

Good luck with the new med Faith

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on May 27, 2019, 09:24:49 pm
... Is it so hard to have callerid actually say Planned Parenthood? I do not answer private/blocked numbers.

Places like Planned Parenthood and others have null caller ID's for safety reasons.  There are a number of organizations that can legally request them. 

I don't answer calls unless the number is someone I know and is in my contacts list.  That way it shows the name I've associated to the number on my screen. 

I hope it all works out for you.
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 28, 2019, 08:03:20 am
tl;dr
I don't have a problem with PP as an HRT provider, only with the difficulty of communication outside of appointments

last measurement of my levels were well within female range. I have no complaints overall with the actual medical treatment provided by PP or by the personal treatment. Very nice folks.

I get tested every 3 months. The endo is well aware of many aspects of HRT including the multiple testing levels of E and not just the totals. I know this because I asked questions.

My big issue is the limitation in communication. I can request things online and wait. Many pertinent questions are answered with "Make an appointment, ask the clinician"  >:( If I call, they don't answer. You get a 10 minute greeting of options and then voicemail for callback. I don't think that it's too much to ask that when I return a call at their request that I am actually able to speak to someone.

My labs are not released unless I ask them to .. every time. They have not shared them with my GP except for the first time that did it in person and made them do it. They use Quest for labs, the results do not show up in my Quest profile. The tests from my GP do show up there.

No, I still don't have my current results thanks to a holiday weekend and no one answering phones or messages.

life ... maybe it's time to quit trying and just "work, home, sleep, repeat". What's the point of struggling if it doesn't get you anywhere? My current level of HRT is all I'll ever receive. All my dysphorias are as strong as ever with no way to reduce them ... I'm tired.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 28, 2019, 08:38:50 am
tl;dr
I don't have a problem with PP as an HRT provider, only with the difficulty of communication outside of appointments


Which PP do you use?  The one up where you live or the one here in FM?  I might want to change to them, because I have to pay my current endo out of pocket.  He charges $400 per hour!!!!!!!!  And is a basic a****le!  PP can't be nearly as expensive, and might provide better, patient oriented service?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 28, 2019, 09:09:02 am
Which PP do you use?  The one up where you live or the one here in FM?  I might want to change to them, because I have to pay my current endo out of pocket.  He charges $400 per hour!!!!!!!!  And is a basic a****le!  PP can't be nearly as expensive, and might provide better, patient oriented service?

Ft Myers, College Pkwy:
we discussed it before. You said that they didn't take your insurance so would end up costing you more.


got some results finally
My potassium is just above normal, probably what caused concern for the endo. Couple that with my eGFR at 40, which is lower than it has been. The minimum is supposed to be 60 for my bracket. For comparison, below 15 is dialysis :(

They had a thyroid concern, those levels appear OK

Red Blood Cell count; Hemoglobin; Hematocrit all just outside the normal range on the high side. No idea what that means. I do know that it's been that way for a while.

Total T is 10 ng/dL
Total E is 166 pg/mL

I have no idea what it means overall, except that it's time to revisit my kidney diet and make adjustments.


Anyways, since I've made some comments regarding my tests I figured that I would share them.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 28, 2019, 10:05:30 am
Ft Myers, College Pkwy:
we discussed it before. You said that they didn't take your insurance so would end up costing you more.


got some results finally
My potassium is just above normal, probably what caused concern for the endo. Couple that with my eGFR at 40, which is lower than it has been. The minimum is supposed to be 60 for my bracket. For comparison, below 15 is dialysis :(

They had a thyroid concern, those levels appear OK

Red Blood Cell count; Hemoglobin; Hematocrit all just outside the normal range on the high side. No idea what that means. I do know that it's been that way for a while.

Total T is 10 ng/dL
Total E is 166 pg/mL

I have no idea what it means overall, except that it's time to revisit my kidney diet and make adjustments.


Anyways, since I've made some comments regarding my tests I figured that I would share them.
Thanks Faith
At the time we talked about it, I had no idea what idiot I had to deal with, and that he charged for every movement of his hands!  I had to pay $50 for every signed copy of my letter for name and gender changes!  The letter was a canned one, they just put my name in!

My values were

Total T <5 ng/dL
Total E 139.7 pg/mL
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 28, 2019, 10:30:13 am
Thanks Faith
At the time we talked about it, I had no idea what idiot I had to deal with, and that he charged for every movement of his hands!  I had to pay $50 for every signed copy of my letter for name and gender changes!  The letter was a canned one, they just put my name in!

My values were

Total T <5 ng/dL
Total E 139.7 pg/mL

I didn't pay anything for my letters. I just sent a message and a week or so later my letters showed up (in duplicate)
When I went to do my Birth Cert, NYS wanted notarized. I sent off another message and, same as before, they showed up in duplicate - both properly notarized.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on May 28, 2019, 10:43:05 am
I didn't pay anything for my letters. I just sent a message and a week or so later my letters showed up (in duplicate)
When I went to do my Birth Cert, NYS wanted notarized. I sent off another message and, same as before, they showed up in duplicate - both properly notarized.

At least some things are easy .......
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 28, 2019, 10:44:05 am
I didn't pay anything for my letters. I just sent a message and a week or so later my letters showed up (in duplicate)
When I went to do my Birth Cert, NYS wanted notarized. I sent off another message and, same as before, they showed up in duplicate - both properly notarized.
Thanks, as i said I landed with a greedy idiot, and I have to change this!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 28, 2019, 02:51:27 pm
Check and see if they have a website you can sign up for where they post test results. The Quest thing may just need to add them as a provider for you or possibly need a second account.  My regular doctor and the doctor at UW both use the mychart  site but since they're not in the same group I need a separate mychart account for each.

Not sure what you can do for  a land line with caller ID for PP. Of you add them to your contacts on cell phone it would show them. Might need to add multiple numbers for it always to show
 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 28, 2019, 05:01:31 pm
I have two quest accounts now .. kind of ridiculous when they know that both of them are me (based on the verification questions asked.

I've added several PP numbers to a contact, doesn't work when it comes in as a private number. I'll have to remind them, again, to email or text first. They've done it before.

ah well, at least idiocy is keeping me distracted from me a little bit.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 28, 2019, 07:54:12 pm
Yeah if they dial out private it won't come up no matter what you have stored.

You'd think you could at least link different accounts that use the same platform.  Was a little frustrating to have to enter all my info in my UW account when everything they need and more was already in my existing account.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on May 28, 2019, 08:20:36 pm
All those lab organizations seem to be different in their customer service approach.  I use LabCorp, because that is close to me.  They do not make the test results available any earlier than 8 days that they gave them to the prescribing doctor.
I like to know my values when I go to the doc, and I tried to fight that, but to no good.  I now just go two weeks prior to my doc appointment to get my blood work done, and thus have the info in hand when I go to discuss it with my doc.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 29, 2019, 05:54:26 am
whether it's standard policy or law, I don't know, they all want the records released at least a week to the Dr first before the patient sees them. It gives the Dr time to review and be informed before the patient barges in demanding explanation.

Hi Ya'll  .. to whomever didn't get bored and wander to more interesting topics. I'm certainly not the most exciting person on here. Do we get awards for 'Most Boring' or 'Most Uninteresting' ? I think I'm a contender.

Another day goes by. At least the rolling dark storm clouds in my head have calmed down a bit. Still very dark and gray. I was curled up last night on the couch hugging a pillow. Lori asked me if I was feeling depressed. I just held my hand out without replying I didn't feel like talking. I think I side-stepped the question, she is too darn perceptive though. I'll get chastised if she reads this. I'm not worried, much, she can't hardly open the main page on here without my help.

I took a full body selfie this morning ..... I deleted it. It's a new phone and I didn't want to break it already. I'm slowly getting to where I can look at my face for a few seconds, full body .. nope, no way ... !!!!!! WRONG !!!!!!!!

Ugly may be a harsh term yet sometimes it's the most appropriate.

Oh, I know, I'm probably attractive to someone. Some gay guy that doesn't mind a man with boobs .. um .. boobettes. too girlie for non-lesbian gals; too manly for the rest. At least my dog still likes me. And the cat. What's with cats?? Get off my lap already!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on May 29, 2019, 06:29:58 am


whether it's standard policy or law, I don't know, they all want the records released at least a week to the Dr first before the patient sees them. It gives the Dr time to review and be informed before the patient barges in demanding explanation.

Hi Ya'll  .. to whomever didn't get bored and wander to more interesting topics. I'm certainly not the most exciting person on here. Do we get awards for 'Most Boring' or 'Most Uninteresting' ? I think I'm a contender.


Its either Florida or the places you go. Probably its that the lab is in my doctor's office. Results get posted over night. I'm know the doctor gets them first though. My last appointment some of them were available during the appointment for labs drawn just before.  Though a few times they didn't call me about them until a day or two later.

I think my thread wins most boring/least interesting. I don't think the crickets even showed after my last couple posts.

And feed the cat.


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on May 29, 2019, 07:10:09 am
I always found this rule of Quest Labs a bit strange. Initially it was even worse, the doctor had to release the values. Now they are at least down to publishing a week after the test.
Most of my doctors share the same patient portal which is nice and anything they enter shows up immediately, including blood tests and other health information. I have specifically looked for doctors participating in this portal so I have everything in one place. It is helpful, my mammogram results took 5 weeks to come from the place but they were in the portal after a few days.

Sorry to hear about the clouds in your head, they will go away too and the sun will be back. I am just glad to read that you feel somewhat better.

I don’t thing there is any boring thread here, and you see that there are people responding.

Stay strong!

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 29, 2019, 08:57:54 am
back to self-therapy (after having removed all my photos again). I still take daily selfies as prescribed by my therapist so .....  this is Sarah's fault. If you feel the urge to empty your stomach, blame her.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/sITFBMD.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on May 29, 2019, 09:18:27 am
I like your smile in today's picture Faith  :)

I hope you have a great day

Cynthia -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on May 29, 2019, 09:24:26 am
back to self-therapy (after having removed all my photos again). I still take daily selfies as prescribed by my therapist so .....  this is Sarah's fault. If you feel the urge to empty your stomach, blame her.


Hold your head high girl! You are beautiful!

Hugs! Love the lip color too 8)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on May 29, 2019, 09:56:29 am
Awww.. what a nice smile! Thanks for sharing...

You look amazing, I love the color of your top...

Hugs,

Sarah

back to self-therapy (after having removed all my photos again). I still take daily selfies as prescribed by my therapist so .....  this is Sarah's fault. If you feel the urge to empty your stomach, blame her.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 29, 2019, 11:31:18 am
thank you gals. I am visually distressed (impaired?) as-in ... I don't see it. I'm trusting others on their opinions. I guess I need to accept the several compliments that I received here at work as well  :-\

that reminds me, as I left the building this morning (for my bit of walking exercise) I passed another gal, who told me I was very pretty today (maybe she wasn't awake yet). Anyways, I spoke to her later to find out that her son is FtM, 6 months on T.

I didn't have the nerve to ask her if she spotted me right off or if someone told her. She hasn't been here long enough to know 'pre-me'
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on May 29, 2019, 11:39:11 am
Awesome... I had something similar happen in a rural town in Pennsylvania where I was shopping for a dress... I was super nervous and at some point the sales clerk just said to me: give the hormones a bit more time and you will fill out the dress I was trying... she saw the puzzled look on my face and revealed her son is FTM... we talked about about the struggles and I had a great time shopping afterwards.

I just wish she would have been right about my breast size.

My guess is she figured it out in your case...

But still nice of her!

Hugs,

Sarah

thank you gals. I am visually distressed (impaired?) as-in ... I don't see it. I'm trusting others on their opinions. I guess I need to accept the several compliments that I received here at work as well  :-\

that reminds me, as I left the building this morning (for my bit of walking exercise) I passed another gal, who told me I was very pretty today (maybe she wasn't awake yet). Anyways, I spoke to her later to find out that her son is FtM, 6 months on T.

I didn't have the nerve to ask her if she spotted me right off or if someone told her. She hasn't been here long enough to know 'pre-me'
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Dena on May 29, 2019, 11:04:39 pm
whether it's standard policy or law, I don't know, they all want the records released at least a week to the Dr first before the patient sees them. It gives the Dr time to review and be informed before the patient barges in demanding explanation.
I use Quest Labs in Arizona and as soon as the test are complete, I can view them. In the past this has worked out well because sometimes my pill pusher hasn't pulled the test results and I provide a copy for her to look over. Other than low alkaline phosphates, my test results are pretty much by the book with the exception of very good cholesterol levels.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on May 30, 2019, 02:59:07 am
I use Quest Labs in Arizona and as soon as the test are complete, I can view them. In the past this has worked out well because sometimes my pill pusher hasn't pulled the test results and I provide a copy for her to look over.

Same story for me. I get a notice from Quest as much as 5 days before I get a notice through my doctor’s portal. With my previous endo I’d shown up for an appointment and been asked why I’m there. I reminded them it was to review lab results and then had to show them to them on my phone. Needless to say, that’s one (of many) things that prompted me to switch to my family doctor for HRT.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 30, 2019, 05:51:24 am
I got home last night from work and my nephew was there to do some work for us. He hadn't seen me since well before transition (i.e. overweight with a beard) ........ he sure did a dbl-take.

Lori will likely hear some kind of feedback from him today, he's not one to talk through a filter.

Nothing much to add. Scary post in the 'fabulous' thread. I'm trying to stay out so that I don't delete the photos.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 31, 2019, 07:10:20 am
Well my nephew is ¿accepting? He said he'd likely always call me by my old name. I gave him my normal response of, "Then I won't answer you, my name is Faith. As long as you try, I'm OK. If you don't try, neither will I." He said it'd be hard, I was like, it gets easier with practice. Then he was like, how about 'Hey'? .. fine :P

Then, as he was getting ready to leave he said, "Good night .. *pause* .. ladies. I guess I have to get used to that. Good night ladies *no pause*". I just smiled at him.

Trying means everything.


rough morning. Pounding sinus headache. I took my obligatory morning selfie ... nope, can't share. My headache is too obvious in the photos making me uglier than normal .. sorry .. look less than well.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on May 31, 2019, 07:31:08 am
separate post about my current profile photo, which I'll include here for context since, hopefully, it will change some day soon.

(https://i.imgur.com/XVSGg0U.jpg)


There are many days that I feel unwanted, unattractive, undesired, which add up to (amongst other things) feeling worthless. No these are not positive constructive thoughts, as pointed out by a certain concerned (and caring) forum member, yet they can be. Say wha..? Sometimes I use a more negative connotation as a step and goad to improve myself. I have to see where I am in order to push myself to where I need to be. I feel that it's always a good thing, especially on a support form, to let those around you know how you feel in a given moment. How can they lend support, even if only verbally, if they don't know that you're hurting? In my mind, the worst thing that I can do is stay silent, which I am wont to do when things get real bad.

Is that sound thinking, probably not since I was the one who thought them (likely not the first person either) still, they are my thoughts and that's one of the things that we are all here for - sharing our thoughts.

I've been known to 'lash out' or redirect my negative feelings on to others. I end up alienating them and they keep their distance. That distancing hurts them yet mostly it hurts me. I've done it here on the forums. .. I miss those with whom I've do this to yet I can't take it back. Sorry is not a fix-all. That's something that I've tried to teach my children and
now my grandchildren. Saying that you're sorry only expresses your acknowledgement of your error, it does not fix things. Better to not have a reason to say that you're sorry. Yet, we're human, we screw up, then we have to deal with the consequences.

Apologies are a necessary first step in bridging a gap created by you. After that, it's up to them to reach out. So, here it is .... I'm sorry.

Have a glorious day everyone
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 01, 2019, 05:42:26 pm
yay, crickets!!! I hate crickets  >:(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on June 01, 2019, 05:48:12 pm
yay, crickets!!! I hate crickets  >:(

I guess I should have posted this here.

These scones are for @Faith
And love means never having to say sorry!  We love you Faith

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190531/f191e825d6e656fa7361b7dc902938b2.jpg)


Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 01, 2019, 06:10:20 pm
I guess I should have posted this here.

These scones are for @Faith
And love means never having to say sorry!  We love you Faith

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190531/f191e825d6e656fa7361b7dc902938b2.jpg)

Sorry :( ...  HAH! Hey, scones. Thank you, Thank You :) .. hmm, I don't think I've had them before. They sound good (had to google) except for the flour. I'm gluten intolerant. I hate to put you out but could you eat those for me and try a recipe with an alternative to wheat ?  :)

I'm not in a bad mood, all things considered. Full blown guy mode, bad headache that has now settled into dizziness, confusion, clumsiness. My BP, when low, is around 115/76 .. I tested it at 105/78 .. oops.

Not to worry, I am self-medicating with a gin&tonic. Which, btw, hits a little bit faster with low BP :D

Oh, guy mode. Yeah. I prefer Faith but sometimes, like a bad trip, that alter comes out and you have to deal. I went to
 a support group meeting today. I honestly think that they thought I was someone new until I said my name.

What' I look like. Well, in true selfie therapy form .. I took a photo
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/4qEODMX.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on June 01, 2019, 07:51:46 pm


Oh, guy mode. Yeah. I prefer Faith but sometimes, like a bad trip, that alter comes out and you have to deal. I went to
 a support group meeting today. I honestly think that they thought I was someone new until I said my name.

What' I look like. Well, in true selfie therapy form .. I took a photo
While you were there, i was crawling around under the motorhome like an inch worm.  I wished I would have been there and see Eva's face!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on June 01, 2019, 08:12:10 pm
Lovely new Avatar picture... you have some amazing legs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 01, 2019, 08:38:39 pm
...... I wished I would have been there and see Eva's face!

she wasn't there

Lovely new Avatar picture... you have some amazing legs!

thx, better than a head shot that's for sure
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 03, 2019, 10:04:38 am
Where am I at? I don't know. I feel lost and I don't know why. I'm struggling to find the words, I'll try anyways, I'll start with instances .....

Instance
  Guy Mode (previous mention). I felt, wrong. Sure I had a headache bordering on a migraine. That won't bring out guy mode. So, where did it come from? Why do I more and more feel that she is not there? No that's not right. More that she can't come out.

Instance
  Dress code. I cannot bring myself to wear my more feminine outfits. I feel fake, like they don't belong on me. Or is it that I don't feel that they look right on me so I don't wear them? Which is it?

Instance
  Water Park. The family, and I do mean our entire immediate family + grandchildren went to the water park .. except me. I bowed out due to not feeling well, neck and back pain. This is true. Recent home repair has me hurting, I can barely move even today. That is not the whole reason. I could not bear to be seen in my suit. I did not want to be seen as a guy in a girl suit. If I wore simple shorts and top it'd be worse. I did not want to be seen as a guy at all and that's what they would see. It made me anxious, filled me with panic. My presentation is wrong, I did not want to be seen. That is the real reason that I stayed home and hid .. I curled up in bed until they came home.

Instance
  My mood is more and more frustrated, angry, and short-tempered .. why? That is how he was. It is not how I have been for almost a year .. why now? This pre-dates recent meds change so that's not it. My hormone levels are good so that's not it. What's wrong?

I feel more and more withdrawn. Unmotivated. I don't want to participate. I want to hide. That's how I was .. why am I going backwards?

I can't even cry, my eyes are dry. I feel like I should, yet nothing is there .. that's how he was.

I'm running out of words.

Who am I?


Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 03, 2019, 10:10:31 am
Who am I?

A kind soul that's suffering from gender dysphoria, not to be taken lightly. Are you seeing a therapist / counselor, pardon me if I am not fully up to speed.

Who am I ? - a concerned soul across the country that reads your posts

Hugs

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 03, 2019, 10:23:20 am
HAIR !!!!  OMG !!! Hair everywhere!! Why is the hair on my arms, legs, and all the et ceteras, suddenly in full bloom growing like weeds???!!!???!!!

A kind soul that's suffering from gender dysphoria, not to be taken lightly. Are you seeing a therapist / counselor, pardon me if I am not fully up to speed.

Who am I ? - a concerned soul across the country that reads your posts

Hugs

C -

Cynthia Ann, .. sorry, didn't see your reply. Therapy, yeah 5-6? times. I felt so bad that I canceled my last appointment. I managed to make a new one for later this month. Dysphoria. A nice simple word to wrap a whole bunch of complex issues into one easy to handle term.  Is that what I'm feeling? I've felt dysphoric before, still do, it's never felt like this.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 03, 2019, 10:27:15 am
HAIR !!!!  OMG !!! Hair everywhere!! Why is the hair on my arms, legs, and all the et ceteras, suddenly in full bloom growing like weeds???!!!???!!!

Cynthia Ann, .. sorry, didn't see your reply. Therapy, yeah 5-6? times. I felt so bad that I canceled my last appointment. I managed to make a new one for later this month. Dysphoria. A nice simple word to wrap a whole bunch of complex issues into one easy to handle term.  Is that what I'm feeling? I've felt dysphoric before, still do, it's never felt like this.

you got that right, it's complex for sure, it's a hot mess. I hope you can sort it out, because it leads to one thing "DEPRESSION".

my .02 (based on personal experience)

Overthinking about your gender is a huge problem, the less you can think about this stuff the better (simple enough ?)

Hugs

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on June 03, 2019, 11:41:17 pm
Hey, neat drawing you have there for your avatar.

Someone draw that or is it some sort of computer magic?

Re: water park.   Saw something on Twitter the other day where someone asked trans people what they would do if for one day there would be no judgment, harrassment etc from anyone and the number one answer was go swimming.

Hope you're feeling better soon.  Dysphoria is a nasty B, ain't it.



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on June 04, 2019, 12:40:08 am

Re: water park.   Saw something on Twitter the other day where someone asked trans people what they would do if for one day there would be no judgment, harrassment etc from anyone and the number one answer was go swimming.

Couldn't have been me!  I sit here about 20 miles away from the most beautiful beaches of the continental US, and I have a swimming pool.  I have never been in the Gulf water, and in the pool once!  ???
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 04, 2019, 06:03:24 am
you got that right, it's complex for sure, it's a hot mess. I hope you can sort it out, because it leads to one thing "DEPRESSION".

my .02 (based on personal experience)

Overthinking about your gender is a huge problem, the less you can think about this stuff the better (simple enough ?)

Hugs

C -

Why do we need such complex issues when we're such simple people? We need simple issues!!
Depression .. oh, yeah, I'm all familiar with that one, unfortunately.
moi? overthink? pshaw!!!! I can barely think at all most of the time and then I forget what I was talking .... Oh, Hi Cynthia. What's up?



Hey, neat drawing you have there for your avatar.

Someone draw that or is it some sort of computer magic?

It's an app. Although, my sister in-law in-law could do one for me if I asked. I figured, if the devil is in the details then remove some of the details ;D

Quote
Re: water park.   Saw something on Twitter the other day where someone asked trans people what they would do if for one day there would be no judgment, harassment etc from anyone and the number one answer was go swimming.

Hope you're feeling better soon.  Dysphoria is a nasty B, ain't it.

Them more clothes I put on, the more I feel like him
The fewer clothes that I have on the more self-conscious I get.
I found the middle ground .... it's a bog.  :-\


So I got some feedback on my 'guy mode' outfit and also the accompanying photo. Apparently they saw a woman in sunglasses. Well, fudge!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 04, 2019, 06:17:14 am
I suppose that it's time for another therapeutic photo post. It gets rough staring at myself all the time.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/EFkecwM.jpg)

I really need to get something done with my eyebrows ..............
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on June 04, 2019, 07:47:15 am
I suppose that it's time for another therapeutic photo post. It gets rough staring at myself all the time.

I really need to get something done with my eyebrows ..............
Nice smile today.  For eyebrows I'd  suggest ULTA at least once. It'll cost $20+ opposed to $10 at the nail salon but they'll shape them rather than just wax and trim.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on June 04, 2019, 07:56:34 am
Nice smile today.  For eyebrows I'd  suggest ULTA at least once. It'll cost $20+ opposed to $10 at the nail salon but they'll shape them rather than just wax and trim.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
And if you have your eyebrows microbladed, like I did ($300), you can forget about them for the rest of your life.  They are always the way you like them!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on June 04, 2019, 08:00:40 am
And if you have your eyebrows microbladed, like I did ($300), you can forget about them for the rest of your life.  They are always the way you like them!
Been thinking about having my electrologist work on them a bit as long as I there.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 04, 2019, 08:21:38 am
Nice smile today.  For eyebrows I'd  suggest ULTA at least once. It'll cost $20+ opposed to $10 at the nail salon but they'll shape them rather than just wax and trim.


I have a few places to check. ULTA isn't too far away from me. I'm in no rush. ?? electrologist  ?? what's that  ::) :-\

Oh and thanks on the smile compliment. Odd how you can feel bad and be in a good mood. It's so weird.

And if you have your eyebrows microbladed, like I did ($300), you can forget about them for the rest of your life.  They are always the way you like them!


1) I don't know how I like them yet
2) cost too much!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jayne01 on June 04, 2019, 08:39:31 am
Hi Faith,

I just caught up on your thread. Sorry you are having a hard time figuring out what is happening. As I was reading, something about what you have been saying sounded familiar. The unexplained return of “him”. It happened to me too not so long ago. I have a theory. These strange feelings could be a sign that you are reaching a turning point. The point where you finally let go of the last remaining signs of your previous life and you wholly become Faith. For me, I believe it was a combination of the fear of continuing to move forward and completely letting go of my old life. It was scary. As long as I held on to a bit of the old me, it felt like I had a kind of security blanket, but if I let go, then I would be a very young girl, in a middle aged body trying to figure out how to live as a grown woman. It’s a steep learning curve. As a self defence mechanism, I believe that I regressed back towards a more familiar male mode because I knew how to do that, I’ve had a lifetime of practice. That’s just my personal theory and it could just be a pile of BS, but the theory seemed to fit to me, so I thought I’d mention it incase part of it also fits you.

Try not to be critical of your progress. For example, the photos that you consider to be guy mode, I don’t see a guy in the picture, only a woman. That was also the feedback you got from the people that told you they saw a woman in sunglasses. I believe this is commonly referred to as “male fail”. Congratulations!

Hang in there. You are making amazing progress. Now you just need to retrain your brain to think and feel what others are already seeing. Your body is physically changing. That’s just chemistry thanks to the hormones. The mind is more complex. I’m no psychologist, but a psychologist did tell me that neural pathways can be “rewired” by forcing yourself to focus more on what you want. In other words, if you see a man in the mirror, rather than focusing on the male features, look for the features that you think are more feminine. Keep doing this even if you are not feeling it. Just like strengthening muscles by repeatedly lifting weights, repetitive thought processes can become habit.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 04, 2019, 08:48:49 am
JAYNE!!  I'm so happy to see you here. I know the why and wherefores of you absence, still, I am thrilled. Sorry that it's my issues that pulled you in .. no I'm not ;D

So much truth in your reply .. how much fits me, well time will tell won't it. I am actively working to 'retrain my brain' darn thing is stubborn. I have sooo many selfies that I try to look at, all kinds of varying poses and lighting. I should put up an album (no I shouldn't!! :P )

Lori hounds me about tells me similar things,  'go with the flow' 'you're a woman now deal with it', etc, etc, ....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 04, 2019, 10:59:02 am
uneasy lunch. I asked Lori to join me and she did. Then, while she was here, it hit me. The reason I had asked her to join me was to settle myself down a bit. Instead, I found no way to express anything I'm feeling and I had to put on happy face. I should have ate lunch alone I think. Don't get me wrong, I always enjoy and prefer having her near me. I just .. oh, nevermind, I'm saying it all wrong.


As for photos. To put things into perspective. We all share our best photos, best lighting, best make-up, best angle, that we can get for any given situation. Weeding through rows of photos for one that isn't as bad as the rest. Well, here is one that was set aside. This is a photo, last night actually, of me in poor lighting, no make-up, and extremely tired.

Let the groans and commiserations commence .. ok seriously, it's to reflect the difference in my photo choices.
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/JjH9c0s.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on June 04, 2019, 11:53:40 am
I really need to get something done with my eyebrows ..............

Faith, you know that I like your photos.

About your eyebrows, try getting them waxed a few times to experiment with how you like them.  Then, get your friendly neighbourhood electrologist to zap 'em permanently.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 06, 2019, 08:20:20 am
here we go again.  I almost posted yesterday, then I didn't. I did manage to delete my photos and change my profile. Although, apparently, they are still cached. Eventually the black box of no photo will show up for everyone.

anyways ... struggles struggles struggles. Nothing I can go in to on here. Yeah, I know, support forum. Well, some things you just don't post on a public forum. Well, I don't anyways. Hide in the humor, yep, I can do that. Smile through the misery and no one will know.

where was I .. oh .. photos. Lets start again. Here is today's, as opposed to yesterday's (profile photo).
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/CCFgS9f.jpg)

I don't like how I look .. I wish I felt as good as I look. I have a headache, my eyes are burning, along with other internalized issues. So, um yeah, that's it. Nothing to see here, move along.

addendum .. boobettes .. honest, I have some !! *sigh*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on June 06, 2019, 08:34:44 am
You look devious, Faith.  That's good: keep 'em wondering what you are up to!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on June 06, 2019, 08:37:05 am
Photos have been looking good.  Hope you feel better soon.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 06, 2019, 09:48:47 am
The eyes are a window into a person's soul  :) Very nice, I like your hair today Faith in that image, flowing....

Have a wonderful day !

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 06, 2019, 01:18:45 pm
The eyes are a window into a person's soul  :) Very nice, I like your hair today Faith in that image, flowing....

Have a wonderful day !

C -

thanks. yeah, I got lucky with the wind on that one. you should see the first ones :D I don't think anyone want to see my dark soul right now though.

You look devious, Faith.  That's good: keep 'em wondering what you are up to!

oo, my devious smile. I didn't notice. I cultivated one. I've had many people over the years assume all kinds of things based on that smile - most of which I was not thinking at all. I also cultivated a real good look for scaring boyfriends away from my daughters .. that worked pretty well too. My wife (and daughters) told me many times that their gals friends thought I was awesome and their guy friends were scared crapless (pc version) and intimidated. SUCCESS!!  ;D

Tonya, thank you. And yes, while my depressed thoughts are still there my mood is a bit more up today. I still have to get used to multiple feelings at once ... it's just weird and disconcerting.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 06, 2019, 01:25:12 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Yes, as the others commented regarding the photo in you previous reply, it does look like that you are "up to something" ... perhaps not devious, but certainly you look like you are about to express a deep thought or two.

By the way, I love your newest Avatar/Profile picture.... there is no need to take it down anytime soon in my opinion.
HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 06, 2019, 03:07:28 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Yes, as the others commented regarding the photo in you previous reply, it does look like that you are "up to something" ... perhaps not devious, but certainly you look like you are about to express a deep thought or two.

By the way, I love your newest Avatar/Profile picture.... there is no need to take it down anytime soon in my opinion.
HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle


Hey Danielle  :icon_wave:

I'll have to get a photo of my full 'devious' type look+smile. that's my little one :)

Thank you on my profile photo. I took that one for my sister-daughter in-law in-law. She grumbled about missing my 'beautiful smile' in another photo that I had sent to her. I'll try to keep it up, truly I will. You know how it is, my spontaneous deletions are totally governed by mood and dysphoria pressures. Someday I hope to not be ruled by them.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on June 06, 2019, 06:09:11 pm
I love your new avatar picture Faith! You look great!

Thanks for putting up this photo!!

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 07, 2019, 05:56:08 am
Thanks Sarah.

For the world at large, Sarah (and Jayne .. HI JAYNE!!) have been a huge help to me just by being there and sending little pokes and prods my way over text and email. Distracting me from RWI until I get back on solid ground. Sarah also keeps making me post photos of myself ...  >:( :icon_burn:  ;D

**** photo edit ****

For Sarah since she likes braids. I wore them to work today. Sorry about the quality, lighting was horrendous!!
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/pJJgbBC.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on June 07, 2019, 07:05:58 am
Cool braids, Faith.

Here's something I read about selfies.
Its from "Yes, You Are Trans Enough" by Mia Violet.

"Although selfies have a bad reputation among some – often demonised as being silly and self-indulgent – for trans people they’re especially powerful tools of affirmation."

"But selfies put us in control, letting us carefully pose and pick how we’re seen. When a trans person shares a selfie, they’re saying they’ve found a way to appreciate how they look, and they’re happy enough to make it public."



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 07, 2019, 07:15:38 am
Cool braids, Faith.

Thanks (braids), I wish that I could do them for myself.

Quote
Here's something I read about selfies.
Its from "Yes, You Are Trans Enough" by Mia Violet.

"Although selfies have a bad reputation among some – often demonised as being silly and self-indulgent – for trans people they’re especially powerful tools of affirmation."

"But selfies put us in control, letting us carefully pose and pick how we’re seen. When a trans person shares a selfie, they’re saying they’ve found a way to appreciate how they look, and they’re happy enough to make it public."

Yeah, that's true enough. I certainly don't take and share for vanity. It's actually very stressful for me. Therapy sucks!  :P

I'm still awaiting the day that I can look at my own photos for extended periods of time. Speaking of ... have a front view  :o

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/E6xJsxp.jpg)


Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 07, 2019, 09:04:15 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Great looking braids you have there.....   of course I always love how your hair appears.
I did notice that you left your "Devious Look" picture up on your thread.   Great photo for sure.

As time goes on I am hoping that your self-confidence in your appearance will continue to build so you will keep your pictures on your thread a little longer.
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 07, 2019, 09:41:15 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Great looking braids you have there.....   of course I always love how your hair appears.

I owe the nice braids to my wife, I can't do them. She has offered to let me practice on her ... I'd hate to tie knots in her hair in my attempts. I may have to anyways, I would like to be able to do them. I actually slept in the braids and they held up. I was afraid I'd have to take them out. And thank you on my hair, I was blessed via heredity. I'm glad, I don't know if I could handle one more dysphoric issue. AND!! the slight receding that was beginning is starting to fill in .. YAY!!

Quote
I did notice that you left your "Devious Look" picture up on your thread.   Great photo for sure.

As time goes on I am hoping that your self-confidence in your appearance will continue to build so you will keep your pictures on your thread a little longer.
HUGS,
Danielle


Thank you again. I'm working on being more permanent. Yesterday was a good day, today is better. I know I've said it before and been disappointed ..... I hope it continues to get better. I really miss the happy bounce that I had for a while :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 07, 2019, 06:50:30 pm
I'm at a kids gymnastics place for my granddaughter, 6-7 yr olds.

One was with her, waiting, she was bouncing chair to chair staring at me. Then she dragged Ary (granddaughter, 7) out to 'tell her'. I hear the girl telling others, "That's a man" others are saying, "How can you tell?"

Ary is like, "That's my grandpa, she's a girl"

Hah ..kids

It was my voice, BTW. I was talking to my other granddaughter, Deanna. She's 14

It didn't bother me, just so you know. I thought it was kind of funny.

I did manage to get a few of them to come over. All I said was, "It's ok, I don't bite"

edit: fixed age typo
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on June 07, 2019, 08:14:27 pm

Ary is like, "That's my grandpa, she's a girl"

I love this statement, it encompasses everything the girl sees in you!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 09, 2019, 08:32:57 am
another day of stay home .. arrgghh .. I have a seriously pounding headache (thank you unstable weather!!). I could manage to do things yet I'd be miserable doing them. So, I sit at home relaxing the best that I can using an icepack when it gets too bad. I did cave in and take 3 acetaminophen yesterday. Varying health issue preclude much for pain relief. Any that work well I can't take at all :(

here, have a goofy-ugly .. ugly-goofy? .. photo from yesterday. I was lying down staring at my phone and decided to snap a picture.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/POI31sc.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 09, 2019, 08:36:30 am
another day of stay home .. arrgghh .. I have a seriously pounding headache (thank you unstable weather!!). I could manage to do things yet I'd be miserable doing them. So, I sit at home relaxing the best that I can using an icepack when it gets too bad. I did cave in and take 3 acetaminophen yesterday. Varying health issue preclude much for pain relief. Any that work well I can't take at all :(

here, have a goofy-ugly .. ugly-goofy? .. photo from yesterday. I was lying down staring at my phone and decided to snap a picture.

Pretty eyes in that pix

Hope the headache gets better, uggg

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 09, 2019, 08:42:09 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I love the "off the cuff" selfies that we sometimes take of ourselves.... and the one that you just posted when you were laying on your sofa couch is so candid and definitely goofy.... but not not ugly!!!   Please don't take it down anytime soon!!!

Thank you for sharing...   oh, and I trust that your headache goes away.
Tylenol/acetaminophen does nothing for me, I usually take Ibuprofen which helps "a little" ...  when I had my back pain I might as well flushed all of those over the counter pain meds down the toilet for all the good they did for my relieving my pain..... but I definitely do not and did not want or use any of the strong prescription Narco pain relievers....

Thank you for posting and sharing,
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 09, 2019, 09:00:57 am
Pretty eyes in that pix

Hope the headache gets better, uggg

C -
thnk you, eyes and hair .. I got it made, right?  ;D

Once the weather settles a bit. It's going to be a loooong summer :(



@Faith
Dear Faith:
I love the "off the cuff" selfies that we sometimes take of ourselves.... and the one that you just posted when you were laying on your sofa couch is so candid and definitely goofy.... but not not ugly!!!   Please don't take it down anytime soon!!!

Thank you for sharing...   oh, and I trust that your headache goes away.
Tylenol/acetaminophen does nothing for me, I usually take Ibuprofen which helps "a little" ...  when I had my back pain I might as well flushed all of those over the counter pain meds down the toilet for all the good they did for my relieving my pain..... but I definitely do not and did not want or use any of the strong prescription Narco pain relievers....

Thank you for posting and sharing,
HUGS,
Danielle


ugly was actually tongue-in-cheek this time. I don't like my forehead in that photo, if I want to get picky. Other than that, it doesn't bother me

Acetaminophen is on my ok in a pinch list .. if I take too much or for too long it causes headaches rather than relieve them.
ibuprophen, bad for kidneys, big no-no for me (of course, it also works the best for me .. grrrrrr)
no aspirin or any NSAIDs  for me, something to do with my blood. I don't remember. Kidneys too, I think.

Still, my headaches are much less than they used to be. Before HRT they were debilitating and put me curled up in bed.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: HappyMoni on June 09, 2019, 09:15:01 am
Faith,

Love the new upside down look! Do you go out like that? It looks great. (Trans folk, humor, other thread, remember?) Ugh!
I used to get bad headaches too. Sinuses I thought. I had laser surgery on my eyes and they went away. Do glasses affect the headaches?
Oh, I just read my dangling participle there! That was one strong laser. I'm typing with a white cane now but my headaches are gone. Wow, I made myself laugh on that one.
Moni
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 09, 2019, 09:48:57 am
Love the new upside down look! Do you go out like that? It looks great. (Trans folk, humor, other thread, remember?) Ugh!

not on purpose, if it does happen then you'll see me on the news as another statistic. .. ugh for me too, that a sad joke and not really funny.

Quote
I used to get bad headaches too. Sinuses I thought. I had laser surgery on my eyes and they went away. Do glasses affect the headaches?
Oh, I just read my dangling participle there! That was one strong laser. I'm typing with a white cane now but my headaches are gone. Wow, I made myself laugh on that one.
Moni

good thing that you pointed that out with your white stick, I had a quick mental picture of two black holes staring at me.

I've had laser correction on my eyes, it was a long time ago and it is way past time for a revision. None of my reading/driving glasses are right anymore. So, yeah, eyes are probably part of the problem. Thing is, my eyes are in focus in cooler weather - pressure change. They make a medicine for that, I really should go get checked. Couple that with my sinus (due to proximity I don't want them uncoupled, I'd look weirder than I do now) and it's a bad recipe.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on June 09, 2019, 09:51:21 am
Love your avatar Faith!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 09, 2019, 09:54:38 am
Love your avatar Faith!

Thank you Jessica :) . I'm under dire threats if I try to remove or change it. It's probably going to be there for a while unless I get permission to replace it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on June 09, 2019, 10:14:44 am
Permission denied

Thank you Jessica :) . I'm under dire threats if I try to remove or change it. It's probably going to be there for a while unless I get permission to replace it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 09, 2019, 10:33:06 am
Permission denied

 >:( >:( >:(   :eusa_shifty: :eusa_whistle: :icon_anger: :icon_cute: :icon_wink: ok
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on June 10, 2019, 08:08:45 am




Ary is like, "That's my grandpa, she's a girl"



Someone gets it. Cool.


here, have a goofy-ugly .. ugly-goofy? .. photo from yesterday. I was lying down staring at my phone and decided to snap a picture.

Bummer about the headaches. Looks like you finally learned how to look into the camera though.

Your eyes look great.

Btw, happy birthday.


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 10, 2019, 08:29:36 am
.... Your eyes look great.

 :icon_blink:
Quote
Btw, happy birthday.

Thanks  Happy Birthday to you too
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 10, 2019, 01:38:31 pm
I thought about a new topic but, eh, doesn't matter.

I did something that I don't normally do, I took selfies during a mood swing. Now I am going to something that I have never done .. I am going to share them

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/OTpAVNs.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/66aLfRW.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/rIMBK0D.jpg)


I don't know how long I can leave this post up as a visual example of my swings

edit:
FYI, the photos were ~5 seconds apart
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on June 10, 2019, 01:45:55 pm
Well I think that would make a great portfolio of facial expressions, from rye to slightly haughty to sad. BTW is it some ones birthday??
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Lexxi on June 10, 2019, 01:46:11 pm
Hi Faith,

I just have to say that you're very beautiful!! I'm really kinda jealous right about now.  ;D ;D ;D

xoxo
Lexxi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on June 10, 2019, 02:45:31 pm
I thought about a new topic but, eh, doesn't matter.

I did something that I don't normally do, I took selfies during a mood swing. Now I am going to something that I have never done .. I am going to share them


I don't know how long I can leave this post up as a visual example of my swings

Good for you for sharing your selfies Faith. I love the top two picture the best. I'm hoping you get back to the mood in that top picture soon, if your not already there.

Hugs girl!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 10, 2019, 03:37:54 pm
Well I think that would make a great portfolio of facial expressions, from rye to slightly haughty to sad. BTW is it some ones birthday??

birthday? isn't that a get older day? not me .. not without cake !!  ;D

Hi Faith,

I just have to say that you're very beautiful!! I'm really kinda jealous right about now.  ;D ;D ;D

xoxo
Lexxi

Thank you Lexxi. No need for jealousy (I know you weren't too serious). We all get lucky with make-up and lighting sometimes. :)

Good for you for sharing your selfies Faith. I love the top two picture the best. I'm hoping you get back to the mood in that top picture soon, if your not already there.

Hugs girl!!!

brave? or stupid? :P  Personally, I like all three. Let me explain. We all struggle with image, who we are inside and out.  We fight to see who we are on the inside show on the outside. Others say, there you are while our brains are screaming NOOOOO !! at us. I see her in all three. It is a rare occasion for me ..... must be the make-up

The mood swing? It lasted about an hour, I'm fine now.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on June 10, 2019, 03:56:54 pm
I see her in all three.
Yay, that is good to hear!  Yes, the third photo looks sad, but it is still her being sad.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 10, 2019, 04:17:45 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Your selfie photo #2 is my favorite....
...  beautiful long flowing hair, and a "Mona Lisa" smile on your face.

If you feel so led that photo would make a beautiful Avatar/Profile picture.

Hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 11, 2019, 06:16:48 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Your selfie photo #2 is my favorite....
...  beautiful long flowing hair, and a "Mona Lisa" smile on your face.

If you feel so led that photo would make a beautiful Avatar/Profile picture.

Hugs,
Danielle


Thank you Danielle. While I like all three, due to Faith making a proper appearance, I think I'll stick with my current avatar for a while. I'm actually smiling in that one. A smile that's not forced is still a rare occurrence for me .. especially if there is a camera in front of me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 11, 2019, 06:21:14 am
speaking of smiles .. and the aforementioned goofy style .. here's one from the other day that I did specifically to send to my sister-daughter in-law in-law. A wave hi to interrupt her phone conversation.


(https://i.imgur.com/KI6KT6X.jpg)

I should fix that tooth gap .....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 11, 2019, 12:47:31 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I love this pic of you....  candid, happy, goofy, and definitely a normal picture in the real life of you.

Our pictures don't always have to be posed and perfect, the candid ones depicting our silly and somewhat normal life appearance are many times a better picture of us and how we are.

Thank you for posting and sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle


speaking of smiles .. and the aforementioned goofy style .. here's one from the other day that I did specifically to send to my sister-daughter in-law in-law. A wave hi to interrupt her phone conversation.


(https://i.imgur.com/KI6KT6X.jpg)

I should fix that tooth gap .....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on June 11, 2019, 01:27:31 pm
speaking of smiles .. and the aforementioned goofy style .. here's one from the other day that I did specifically to send to my sister-daughter in-law in-law. A wave hi to interrupt her phone conversation.


(https://i.imgur.com/KI6KT6X.jpg)

I should fix that tooth gap .....

Faith, pictures of life is better than poses.  This picture proves it.  Yes your other pictures always makes me jealous of your definite feminine features, but this one has a beautiful smile.

Might I ask if you would consider your sweetheart to take some candid but tasteful pictures of you?  You may realize what others have been seeing......that you are lovely.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 11, 2019, 03:20:54 pm
Thank you Danielle and Jessica.

Jessica, you've stated that before and while I don't see anything to be jealous of at least I am finally beginning to see Faith in all my photos, as I stated in Danielle's thread. I have even gone back into my old photos, you know all the ones I didn't share or I've removed, I've gone back into those and I see Faith. It is very uplifting.

Now if only my body image would catch up as well ......  :P

As for more candid photos, she tries. I still have instinctive camera aversion that ruins her shots. Maybe someday that'll go away.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 12, 2019, 11:51:10 am
Some belated birthday flowers from my gal friend @work. She was out for a few days with a migraine.

(https://i.imgur.com/NLhX7fa.jpg)

Hard to get a focused decent photo, my desk is a mess and no place to stand them up.
Oh, and I got a blueberry muffin from another gal friend. She had wished me a belated birthday and I told her that she was a day late and owed me a birthday muffin, or an oatmeal raisin cookie ... I got the muffin  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 12, 2019, 11:52:31 am
Awwww how sweet, they are pretty  :)

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 12, 2019, 12:03:07 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
WOW... beautiful flowers and terrific and friendly gestures and birthday wishes from your gal-friends at  your work!!!!

Certainly a very wonderful feeling to get this kind of recognition and appreciation ....

Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle


Some belated birthday flowers from my gal friend @work. She was out for a few days with a migraine.

(https://i.imgur.com/NLhX7fa.jpg)

Hard to get a focused decent photo, my desk is a mess and no place to stand them up.
Oh, and I got a blueberry muffin from another gal friend. She had wished me a belated birthday and I told her that she was a day late and owed me a birthday muffin, or an oatmeal raisin cookie ... I got the muffin  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 12, 2019, 12:08:38 pm

@Faith
Dear Faith:
WOW... beautiful flowers and terrific and friendly gestures and birthday wishes from your gal-friends at  your work!!!!

Certainly a very wonderful feeling to get this kind of recognition and appreciation ....

Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle


Yes they are and yes it is. I have several gal friends that are close and really look out for me. many others are very friendly, still, these few take it a step further, which I very much appreciate. I wasn't expecting the muffin, I was picking on her. I wasn't expecting the flowers either for that matter  :-\
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on June 12, 2019, 03:18:54 pm
Awww... such a nice gesture... She is a very special friend. It is so nice to see how accepting they are and that they treat you like any other girl in the office.

Cherish the flowers, they are beautiful.

Hugs,

Sarah

Some belated birthday flowers from my gal friend @work. She was out for a few days with a migraine.

(https://i.imgur.com/NLhX7fa.jpg)

Hard to get a focused decent photo, my desk is a mess and no place to stand them up.
Oh, and I got a blueberry muffin from another gal friend. She had wished me a belated birthday and I told her that she was a day late and owed me a birthday muffin, or an oatmeal raisin cookie ... I got the muffin  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 13, 2019, 06:48:23 am
Awww... such a nice gesture... She is a very special friend. It is so nice to see how accepting they are and that they treat you like any other girl in the office.

Cherish the flowers, they are beautiful.

Hugs,

Sarah


Yes, and I do.


I tried for a full body shot photo today, yeah nope, can't do it. I did get exasperated with myself though

(http://i.imgur.com/MFCpbbu.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 13, 2019, 07:14:54 am
Oh wow, look at that hair girl ! you've got the "Pouty" look going this morning  ;)

Have a great day !

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 13, 2019, 07:21:55 am
Oh wow, look at that hair girl ! you've got the "Pouty" look going this morning  ;)

Have a great day !

C -

HAH ! .. I was leaning forwards slightly and my hair fell forward to accommodate gravity.

POUTY!!??  yeah ok, maybe. exasperated with a headache, I guess I could be pouty as well.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 14, 2019, 06:14:00 am
Should I state this in the happy? I don't know. Not really a happy, it is a small milestone. Here it is Friday, 5th day of the 5-day workweek and I'm wearing a skirt.

No, no milestone there. The fact that I wore one all previous 4 days making this a full work week wearing skirts .. yeah, that's the one, no balloons or fireworks for this one though.

Part of the milestone is that, along with wearing the skirt, at no time this week did I get up in the morning and reach for jeans or slacks due to a depressed mood .. that's a first for me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 14, 2019, 06:36:59 am
Skirts are just so comfy, I wore one all week myself  :)

Enjoy !

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on June 14, 2019, 06:53:39 am
Awesome Faith.  Judging by that and the pics you've been splashing around the web, I'd guess that you're feeling good about life lately.

Contrary to what my wife thinks, I've not done that. Hard to get a casual look with skirts in the cold months though. Easy now that its warm and I don't have to worry about tights

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 14, 2019, 07:23:49 am
Awesome Faith.  Judging by that and the pics you've been splashing around the web, I'd guess that you're feeling good about life lately ... <snip>

*GASP* what are you trying to say, that I'm vain? Attention whore seeker? That's it, the gloves are off .. where's my wet noodle to slap you with .........

seriously, part of the reason more photos are around is because I am finally starting to see myself in them. It's a very good feeling. I can look at some of my older one as well. Early transition, not so much. Too much him mixed in on those. My really old him photos, don't bother me at all. They are just a him. Well logically I know they are me, yet they aren't.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on June 14, 2019, 07:47:49 am
Just my smart ass way of saying I noticed more pictures on FB also.

Its one thing to put pictures here in a less public safe place, but takes more confidence to put them out in other places.

I know I've put this quote from Mia Violet out somewhere before (sorry if its duplicate here).

"Although selfies have a bad reputation among some – often demonised as being silly and self-indulgent – for trans people they’re especially powerful tools of affirmation."

"But selfies put us in control, letting us carefully pose and pick how we’re seen. When a trans person shares a selfie, they’re saying they’ve found a way to appreciate how they look, and they’re happy enough to make it public."


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on June 14, 2019, 10:34:10 am
Just my smart ass way of saying I noticed more pictures on FB also.

Its one thing to put pictures here in a less public safe place, but takes more confidence to put them out in other places.

I know I've put this quote from Mia Violet out somewhere before (sorry if its duplicate here).

"Although selfies have a bad reputation among some – often demonised as being silly and self-indulgent – for trans people they’re especially powerful tools of affirmation."

"But selfies put us in control, letting us carefully pose and pick how we’re seen. When a trans person shares a selfie, they’re saying they’ve found a way to appreciate how they look, and they’re happy enough to make it public."


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Thank you for the quote, Tonya. That's exactly it for me. I never took selfies before. Now I do it all the time. I want a view of myself from the outside, closer to how others see me. I also do a weights class to music at the YMCA, in front of a wall of mirrors. I admit to watching myself there as well (full motion live selfie! ;) )

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 14, 2019, 01:18:08 pm
It's a great quote, one I've read on here before. It's only a recent development that it's an affirming one. Mostly is was a therapy tool to get my mind to see and accept the changes that were occurring. Not perfect, I am getting better and yes, my phone is full of selfies.

I may pull them off into a dated album to bore, horrify, torture some friends with ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on June 14, 2019, 02:17:42 pm
You won’t believe this, but I’m telling you truthfully anyway. The picture you posted on Facebook has me envious. I hope to be as pretty some day. You’ve made it, girl.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 14, 2019, 03:20:43 pm
You won’t believe this, but I’m telling you truthfully anyway. The picture you posted on Facebook has me envious. I hope to be as pretty some day. You’ve made it, girl.


- Stephanie

Thanks Stephanie, you know how it is ... trick of the lighting, luck with make up. You should see my candid shots .. oof, scary stuff.

 Besides, I always thought you looked good and more feminine than me by a long shot. Now look at you, a train wreck in bandages!! Hah!  Sorry, couldn't resist ;D
Title: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on June 14, 2019, 03:28:20 pm
Thanks Stephanie, you know how it is ... trick of the lighting, luck with make up. You should see my candid shots .. oof, scary stuff.

 Besides, I always thought you looked good and more feminine than me by a long shot. Now look at you, a train wreck in bandages!! Hah!  Sorry, couldn't resist ;D

Thanks for the compliments. You don’t see what I do with the pics to “fix it in post” to get rid of signs of my age.

I haven’t written about it yet (but probably will, you know me) but dysphoria hit me really hard in the first part of our trip. Seeing so many beautiful young women, and traveling with a such a pretty partner really affected me. I was ready to do anything for improvements, so I have no regrets about what I’m putting myself through.

And it was just a bus. A big double decker bendy bus, but not a train.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 14, 2019, 03:33:03 pm
I've turned off all filters on my phone, no tweaks . However the lighting hits is what you get .. hmm, how's this for candid?

(http://i.imgur.com/kG9agyW.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on June 14, 2019, 03:42:35 pm
I've turned off all filters on my phone, no tweaks . However the lighting hits is what you get .. hmm, how's this for candid?

(http://i.imgur.com/kG9agyW.jpg)

Well neener neener neener back atcha!


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 14, 2019, 03:46:09 pm
Well neener neener neener back atcha!


- Stephanie

:)

I forgot to comment on your dysphoria comment ..yes, I understand ... every day I am reminded. I work at a TV station, young girl reporters everywhere.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on June 14, 2019, 03:51:58 pm
:)

I forgot to comment on your dysphoria comment ..yes, I understand ... every day I am reminded. I work at a TV station, young girl reporters everywhere.

Yes, I admit that what I’m having done isn’t really to get “pretty,” though I wish they’d lifted the lip a bit more in December. It’s to help erase some age and acne damage.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on June 14, 2019, 07:53:36 pm


I've turned off all filters on my phone, no tweaks . However the lighting hits is what you get .. hmm, how's this for candid?

Faith, what a beautiful, feminine tongue! You're beautiful! <kidding...I don't know how to do emoticons in Tapatalk >

Seriously, the filters must not be doing much. I don't see a significant difference. Except for that pickle in your mouth lol.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on June 14, 2019, 07:55:20 pm

Faith, what a beautiful, feminine tongue! You're beautiful! <kidding...I don't know how to do emoticons in Tapatalk >

Seriously, the filters must not be doing much. I don't see a significant difference. Except for that pickle in your mouth lol.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
Sorry, didn't mean to imply I was kidding about "You're beautiful" just the first sentence.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 15, 2019, 03:50:16 pm
... You're beautiful! <kidding...>


I feel so ... adequate now ...  :-\

 ;D ;D

Long extra day at work today, no skirt. We all kinds of <poo> to move to a temporary location for a remodel. Only about 50 workstations, 10 editing stations plus accompanying hardware, 6 switches and throw in a big conference table.

I'll see about a real update tomorrow. Tonight it's take a shower and see how I feel.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on June 15, 2019, 05:56:16 pm
Faith, I like your avatar, and the tongue selfie for some reason. The waving one shows you in a different light, and is neat too.
Glad you are feeling well enough to wear skirts at work regularly  :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on June 16, 2019, 06:50:54 am
Long extra day at work today, no skirt.

No skirt??  Ooh-la-la!!   ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 16, 2019, 07:51:00 am
Seriously, the filters must not be doing much. I don't see a significant difference. Except for that pickle in your mouth lol.
I meant to add more, I got distracted. I don't use filters at all, haven't for several months. It's all in the makeup and lighting. Unfortunately I do see a lot of masculine features in my photos. At least I'm getting better at seeing me.

Oh, and FYI, I don't like pickles!!!



Faith, I like your avatar, and the tongue selfie for some reason. The waving one shows you in a different light, and is neat too.
Glad you are feeling well enough to wear skirts at work regularly  :)

Thanks Maddie. I'm starting to be ok with my photos in all iterations, it's a hard road. So much him in the undoctored photos (no makeup)



No skirt??  Ooh-la-la!!   ;D

😶

😁
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 16, 2019, 09:43:13 am
Last night. Well, it was a long day at work, I did not eat right (almost nothing) just some finger food. I got home tired yet the drive home wasn't bad. The drive home usually ruins whatever good mood that I had left. So, I showered and dressed (no pics - I've posted the outfit before anyways)

After the shower, just before leaving, I think to myself, "Self, I thought, I'm going to a private club and likely no one will help me get a drink so you should go prepared". Thus, I made myself a dbl gin and tonic for the road (shh, don't tell the cops). I finished it at my daughters house .. yep, good buzz going already.

We get there go in and sit down. The first thing, and old acquaintance turns around, says hi and asks us if we wanted a drink. Well, ok .. we said yes. He wouldn't take any money. YAY! free booze. Maybe it was a silent 'I'm ok with you' peace offering. He was one I talked about a long time back when I first came out where he didn't really speak to me. I was sitting alone being ignored. His wife poked him and he gave a brief acknowledgment .. I digress.

I end up wandering over to the smokers side (ick! my throat is still raw) to chat a bit with my sister in-law. Not too bad a chat considering that we don't get along (not due to trans). The band took a break and the bass player (accepting) came over to talk. He stuck out his hand, which I took, looked him straight in the eye and asked if minded hugs. Well, not only did I get a good hug out of it I also got a kiss on the cheek.

My sister in-law saw my empty glass and bought me another drink .. oo, strong. If I can tell it's strong after several drinks then it's really strong. So, all told, it was a 5 drink night for someone that doesn't drink. I was pretty tipsy.

Oh, the reason we went was to hear the drummer. She rejoined the band after hiatus otherwise we wouldn't have went. I got a few good hugs, and compliments, from her.

I did not speak to my brother until we were leaving, then it was simple hi/good night. My sister in-law had mentioned my being there to see him as well when I told her we were there to see the drummer. My reply? I told her that I didn't think he cares if I am there or not.

I hope that mess made sense, it's really too much to type out and not really worth typing in the first place.

On to a new day of weather headache and couch-potato'ing.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on June 16, 2019, 10:02:21 am
I hope your “weather headache” goes away while you’re “couch-potato’ing” today, especially after what seems to have been a pretty good evening.

Hugs and smiles 🌸🌸🌸
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 16, 2019, 10:11:21 am
I hope your “weather headache” goes away while you’re “couch-potato’ing” today, especially after what seems to have been a pretty good evening.

Hugs and smiles 🌸🌸🌸

thanks Jessica. It really is a weather headache, I know what a hang-over headache feels like ;D

I should go back to fix my typos and omissions ... nah ...

It wasn't a bad evening overall, Lori even said it was better than expected. While the two bible bigot ex friends didn't approach me they did talk to Lori. At least they kept it pleasant and didn't bring up my 'sinful ways'. That would have ruined things for sure.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 18, 2019, 08:10:45 am
Well, yesterday was a rough day .. Say it with me now .. "How Rough Was It"?
It was so rough that ......

(https://i.imgur.com/Q0hyfID.jpg)

yeah. Anyways, I tried to shake it off, I even tried a different pose ...

(https://i.imgur.com/ZX61hoJ.jpg)

meh!

On to today, back to, um, normal? What the heck is normal?
First a posed shot

(https://i.imgur.com/pGsBMK7.jpg)

I don't know, a little too stiff I think. Let's go back to my standard selfie shot, it's the one I use for change comparisons anyways

(https://i.imgur.com/kgffXz2.jpg)

I really need to do something with my hair, it's getting unruly!! Oh, verbal update? I don't have one. I really have nothing to say since nothing happened since Sat night.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 18, 2019, 09:17:10 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Your pictures say it all.... no verbal description needed.

I love your 3rd picture, "back to normal" photo.   
It is nice to see that you are "normal" just like the rest of us.

Thank you for sharing your Tuesday morning update.

HUGS, and well wishes for a good day today.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on June 18, 2019, 09:17:16 am
You know, you are smiling in the second picture.

Like a "this <poo> again? Oh well, I can handle it" kind of smile

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 18, 2019, 09:27:15 am
You know, you are smiling in the second picture.

Like a "this <poo> again? Oh well, I can handle it" kind of smile

yeah, you're right .. that's about how I felt. It's like having homework assigned or a huge <poor> project and all you can do is smile about it.

Dear Faith:
Your pictures say it all.... no verbal description needed.

I love your 3rd picture, "back to normal" photo.   
It is nice to see that you are "normal" just like the rest of us.

Thank you for sharing your Tuesday morning update.

HUGS, and well wishes for a good day today.
Danielle


Danielle, you always like my photos .. even the bad ones. Have you been talking to my wife? :P

Thank you though. I do wish I could have done more than a pose. I've recently managed to get a few smiling photos that were genuine rather than posed, they look much different.

Oh, and pictures say it all .. cool. No more typing, just copy/paste a photo link. I can do that!!  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Anne Blake on June 18, 2019, 08:50:43 pm
Greetings my Florida sister,

It is good to see pictures of my friend (while smiling in what ever manner) and saying that nothing special is going on. I just love it when it just another day being the sweet lady we love so much. Take care my friend, love intensely and laugh a lot!

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 19, 2019, 06:03:34 am
TIA!! stop being such a stranger and stop in more often .. at my front door would be best, still, I'll accept a web presence :)  :-* :-*

Greetings my Florida sister,

It is good to see pictures of my friend (while smiling in what ever manner) and saying that nothing special is going on. I just love it when it just another day being the sweet lady we love so much. Take care my friend, love intensely and laugh a lot!

Tia Anne


I got to pondering .. scary thing, pondering .. photos and mirrors. What sets me off? I try to dissect and I end up with .. I dunno. I appear to be, at the least, pleasant looking. I don't have huge scars or disfigurements to fret over (on my face at least). What is the single biggest thing that strikes me when I look at myself? I think I know. Then again, I have been wrong about a lot of things (like being a man :O ).

pondering and staring I think I've found one trigger .. is it my nose?, nope I don't like it yet who does? It's humungo!! (yes, that's a word!!!) .. my chin? Eh, it's too square yet it can be softened. Cheeks, eyes, eyebrows, the list goes on.

What is it? I'm OLD !!!!!! Fresh hormones coursing through my system, a second puberty to stir things up and confuse. I am very young trapped in very old. Old me says to deal with it, you are old. New puberty me says .. NOOOOooo !! I'm a teen. They squabble over the rights to the mirror. They squabble over the choice of clothing. They squabble about make-up or none at all. All this squabbling .. I can't pull over and yell, "I'll turn this around right now". I can't yell down the hall, "don't make me come back there". I can't even say, "Wait until your father gets home". Mom was worse, BTW, just sayin' ;D

It's a nightmare (figure of speech).

So my point is .. I don't have one, I'm just ramblin' about my ponderin'


Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 19, 2019, 08:44:28 am
a 2nd puberty is a terrible thing to waste  ;)

a unique blend of the past and present, oh what to do ?

for myself, I invoke the serenity prayer "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

Have a great day Faith

Cynthia -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on June 19, 2019, 12:51:44 pm
Didn't we all wish we could redo Junior High knowing what we now know? Well here ya go, puberty all over again! Now to just go enroll... ;)

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 20, 2019, 07:16:28 am
Well, our 37th wedding anniversary came and went yesterday. The night before a delivery came and I handed it to her, an alabaster candle holder. Quite pretty and she was very happy with it. Then yesterday, evening of, she handed me a package saying that it came for me. Well, I had ordered it, it wasn't for me though. I handed it back and said, that's your's happy anniversary. Necklace and matching bracelet. No earrings, she doesn't wear any. The small gem in the middle supposedly shows "I Love You" in a hundred different languages when you shine a light through it. I managed to get the angle good enough to kind of show it. It's the thought, right?

Alabaster, it's in the list of 'what gift for 37th' I don't know who makes the list, it gave me a place to start at least.

We went to dinner, our son took us. We tend to go to IHOP, a balance between price and being edible.

Gals at work kept saying I needed to do something 'special'. Lori and I have the same idea of special, being together. Anything else is fluff.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on June 20, 2019, 07:32:15 am
That's nice , keep giving and receiving HUGS (I do miss hugs but will get one from BFF). Happy Anniversary . XXXXX
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 20, 2019, 07:37:13 am
That's nice , keep giving and receiving HUGS (I do miss hugs but will get one from BFF). Happy Anniversary . XXXXX

Thanks Davina. I hope you get your fix of hugs, everyone should get plenty of hugs. In my daily stresses it's easy to forget how lucky I am. I think I spend my time on the forum mostly to keep things in perspective.

HUGS
Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 20, 2019, 08:21:28 am
Congratulations on 37 years of marriage @Faith - that's truly wonderful

Cynthia -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on June 20, 2019, 09:53:13 am
Nice gifts and anniversary story Faith. Congratulations to you both!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 20, 2019, 11:39:44 am
Thanks Cynthia, Maddie.

We tend to be simplistic in our anniversary celebrations. Us together - alone or with the children, gifts, no gifts. The big one is being together for it. Our 40th, well, that one we plan to do things different. The first part of that plan is still being together for it :P


so, I got the camera urge, no not full body .. still, wth

(https://i.imgur.com/fpbjWVU.jpg)

I mentioned to Lori about getting my hair cut. She was pretty succinct in her reply, "Let it grow, most women do". I guess I'll just go in for a trim. It's stating to snag on the ends, gots to clean it up.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 20, 2019, 12:42:16 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Yes, wedding anniversaries can certainly be celebrated alone, and like you stated, the big one coming up in a few years, your 40th, may be celebrated by yourselves or with family and friends at your discretion, but I really liked what you said about "still being together for it!"

Congratulations to both your and wife and yourself for sticking with it and making it work.
          :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch:   HAPPY 37th Anniversary :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch:

HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on June 20, 2019, 01:15:40 pm
Happy Anniversary Faith to you and your loving wife. 🌸🌸🌸
You’re just one year behind my wife and I!
Ain’t love wonderful!!! 💕💕💕

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Susan Baum on June 20, 2019, 01:55:37 pm
Happy Anniversary, Faith - and Lori as well.

Some marriages can sometimes only be measured in weeks. It is no small thing that your marriage has lasted through thick and thin. You are blessings to each other and prove the powers of love of and devotion can surmount anything.

Susan
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on June 20, 2019, 05:01:02 pm
Happy anniversary Faith and Lori!!!

Bugs hugs!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 20, 2019, 05:58:23 pm
Happy anniversary Faith and Lori!!!

Bugs hugs!!!

oo, I never had bugs hugs before. I looked them up, some of them are rather cute



Danielle, Jessica, Susan .. thank you .. and Lori thanks you

Danielle, yes!! the plan is 40 and beyond. You have to have goals

Jessica, Love is Wonderful, I agree whole-heartedly. Now, if I could do something about the lovin' :O

Susan, I started my transition counting by hours, then days, then weeks. I am up to months. I hope plan to be back to counting years very soon.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 21, 2019, 06:28:14 am
It turns out that today is BD day (Body Dysphoria).  I swear, I'm never going to get a full week of happy feel good. As you may know, I am switching to daily body photos as opposed to head shots .. ugh .. I couldn't even snap the photo this morning, some guy was staring back at me. I hate multi-dimensional mirrors, I want to see me!!! Oh, and no, the mirror didn't start the BD, it was already there when I got up this morning.

It's past time to redo my measurements, I can't do it. I'm still up by 10 pounds, I don't want to see the inches that it equates to. Does it all have to go to my waistline?? I can think of several better locations for extra weight.

Therapy session this afternoon, we'll see how it goes. I know I need the help yet I cannot spend money in different directions. I want to start saving for other things, like electrolysis or an orchi (likely) or a multitude of other feel good things.

I haven't even started researching the orchi yet. I don't want to get disappointed by being told I can't have one or it's prohibitively expensive out of pocket. No, I can't lie and say 'oh they hurt', I'm no good at that.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 21, 2019, 06:53:59 am
BD is the worst, and not easily dealt with. I don't have any magic sunshine for you, except focus on the core, the other parts will take on new accumulations Faith. Therapy works, speaking from my experience, I paid my therapist out of pocket, in hindsight those sessions really helped me not to self destruct, I am GD survivor, thanks in part to therapy.

Hoping you have as good a day possible.

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on June 21, 2019, 08:12:37 am

I haven't even started researching the orchi yet. I don't want to get disappointed by being told I can't have one or it's prohibitively expensive out of pocket. No, I can't lie and say 'oh they hurt', I'm no good at that.
Your testes may start to be so painful that an orchi is the only solution to control the pain. PM me!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 21, 2019, 09:44:15 pm
A quick update before bed.

I had a breakdown at the therapist's office tonight, Lori had to come in and rescue me
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 21, 2019, 09:48:19 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:

I am so sorry and sad to read your post regarding your therapist difficulties.
Be very  glad that you have Lori to take care of things like this....  count your blessings.

HUGS,
Danielle


A quick update before bed.

I had a breakdown at the therapist's office tonight, Lori had to come in and rescue me
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 22, 2019, 07:08:52 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:

I am so sorry and sad to read your post regarding your therapist difficulties.
Be very  glad that you have Lori to take care of things like this....  count your blessings.

HUGS,
Danielle


Thank You Danielle, Lori is a godsend .. literally. Look up the song "You Are My Special Angel" by Bobby Helms

I'm awake now and can expound a little bit. I am not sure how to describe it to anyone that's never had one. Panic Attack; Anxiety Attack; Mental Breakdown; Emotional Breakdown .. they all fit.

  It started simple enough, I was trying to find the right words to describe something that I was feeling. She, the therapist, kept misinterpreting what I meant. I kept digging deeper and deeper to find the words, the more I dug the fewer words I had. Along with that, the emotional wordless side intensified.
  My head started spinning, every thought and no thoughts. I couldn't stop myself, I kept saying "Can't think, can't think" over and over. I felt myself rocking back and forth. I think I pulled my hair at lest once, that side of my head still hurts. I looked around, blindly, managed to focus on a couch cushion, grabbed it and buried my face into it. Then kept rocking.
  I manage to switch from "can't think" to "get Lori" at some point. She came in, immediately kneeled in front of me. I was vaguely aware of her coming in. I gave up the pillow, hugged on her and started sobbing. My breathing slowed down, rather quickly, breathing settled to just heavy then regular. The sobbing subsided to drippy eyes. We sat there hugging doing our 'Brain Hug' where we put our heads foreheads together and just feel each other.
  I settled down completely and finished the session. I did not try to revisit what I was trying to describe. Some day maybe  :-\

I can remember every moment of it, while it was happening I felt like I had no control at all.

Oh, the therapist's only comment?  "That was beautiful, the energy .." .. she was referring to our love which she could literally feel across the room.


I love my wife.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on June 22, 2019, 10:02:44 am
Faith, I'm sorry to read of your panic attack or breakdown. I've never had that (yet), but it must be totally encompassing. I'm glad you could have Lori and your mutual love to help you get through it! Hold on to that love and take care.
Hugs, Randy

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 22, 2019, 11:50:14 am
Faith, I'm sorry to read of your panic attack or breakdown. I've never had that (yet), but it must be totally encompassing. I'm glad you could have Lori and your mutual love to help you get through it! Hold on to that love and take care.
Hugs, Randy

It was my 2nd one. They are no fun. Both times though I felt so much better afterwards. Self diagnosis would indicate that I am bottling things up until they come out in a flood.


Today I'm at my daughter's house, everyone else went to the local park. I have a start on a headache, again, so rather than risk making it worse in the sun and the heat, I stayed to veg in front of the TV.

I got up to use the restroom, walked past the mirror and ... froze. There she was. There I was. Hair tied back, no make up, just me and the mirror. I choked up, tears falling, happy tears. I hugged myself .. yeah, I know, that sounds like a cheesy movie scene. So what, I felt good. It is so rare to see me when I don't have makeup on. It's rare enough when I do.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 22, 2019, 11:58:56 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I was greatly overjoyed to read your words  "there she was"  when you looked in the mirror!!! ...
...even without makeup and your hair tied back! 

This is worth a big  WOW-WHEE !!

HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 24, 2019, 11:58:51 am
Bittersweet. I see me so much more often now. It makes things all the harder that the face looking back at me is full of sorrow.

Everything about me is half
half-man
half-woman
half loved
half tolerated
half .. the list goes on.

  The only thing not done by half is being depressed. That, of course, wants to take over my life. I try to stay positive around my wife and family. I don't want them to see how badly I hurt. I can't let them see how many tears are welling up just out of sight waiting to burst out in a flood of devastation.
  If they see they may give up on me, give up on her. If it hurts so bad don't do it. I have to, there is no choice. I would not choose hurt if I had a choice, I don't like to hurt.
  I feel lonely. I see loneliness on the horizon. Alone, by myself. Alone, with someone. I don't want to be alone.

FEAR
fear that I will never be whole
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 24, 2019, 12:17:09 pm
@Faith
My dearest Faith:
I am so saddened to read your last post below.....   while we all have fears, especially with our transition endeavors and our disappoints, discouragements and failures, you must also celebrate your successes and keep them at the forefront of your mind and in your thinking.   

I have seen your photos and read all of your postings that you  share with us...
...and you have every reason to NOT be fearful... plus you have your very supportive wife at your side, and you have me and the rest of your followers that are here to support and encourage you.
WE ARE YOUR BIGGEST FANS!!!

Perhaps you need to look over my ongoing thread once again...
          "Positive Mindset... put away negativiy"
    https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.0.html

I always look for your postings on your thread and elsewhere on the Forums every time I login.....
Please continue to share with us and to keep us tuned in to your life events as you have been doing.... and always remember that we are all rooting for you!

HUGS and more HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 24, 2019, 01:47:13 pm
Keep the faith, Faith.

Fear, uncertainty, doubt come with the territory here, it's how you deal with those, that determines the outcome.

Danielle is right, we are your biggest supporters, and want to see you happy  :)

sending you positive vibes

Cynthia -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 24, 2019, 06:45:52 pm
I fight, every day. I get tired, I get grumpy, I get down. Tomorrow I fight again. over and over. Someday the fight will end .. who will win?

I struggle to come on the forum, struggle to read other people struggling, struggle to read those people that have made it past the struggles.

I'm so tired. People deserve so much more than I can give.

Ah Danielle, the epitome of positive thoughts and actions. I read everything that you post. Someday it might sink in. I don't know that I'm worth the effort. Cynthia, I don't know what drew you into my corner, or Danielle, or Sarah, or a multitude of others. Still, I have no words of appreciation. You all deserve some, I can't think of any.

I just posted a photo. Texting to Sarah got me to do it. I can't look at it long, hardly at all. I tried to edit and that didn't work. I had to try editing all zoomed in .. can't look - I gave up and posted it raw. Messy house and all. If I ignore it maybe it'll stay up.



Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on June 24, 2019, 09:15:05 pm
Oh Faith, I'm so sorry you are depressed. You know estrogen is a depressant, right? My therapist told me that.

From what you post, and how you look in your photos, you are doing really well. You are out as yourself to your family, at work, in public... So many here struggle with only a small piece of that, and here you are having accomplished those scary things.

I saw your photo and it looks fine. The messy house lol, who cares. It's not that bad, and seeing some disorder is comforting to me as I ponder my own house lol.

Hugs, Randy

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Anne Blake on June 24, 2019, 09:27:28 pm
Hello Love,

Hang in there, you know that you will get through this bout. Already you are telling us that you see you in the mirror, so much better than not that long ago!

When it gets tough please remember the hugs that Deb and I gave you and the love you felt, it is still there sister.

We love you girl,
Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 25, 2019, 06:15:30 am
@RandyL
Yes I am well aware of others struggles and hardships. So many worse off and fighting harder than I am. It draws focus to my own battle rather than diffuse it. I'm out everywhere yet I hold back in my own head. Things in my life that I cannot share here prevent it. That is the one hurdle left to clear. The one thing that is triggering the rest.

Hello Love,

Hang in there, you know that you will get through this bout. Already you are telling us that you see you in the mirror, so much better than not that long ago!

When it gets tough please remember the hugs that Deb and I gave you and the love you felt, it is still there sister.

We love you girl,
Tia Anne
TIA!! We had a such a short visit, it left me craving for so much more. I remember the hugs. (Lori and ) I await the next visit to get a fresh batch. Maybe we can get out of Florida. It's hard for me to do. For some reason work wants me to show up daily.

Seeing me in the mirror. It's an unexpectedly expected & welcome change. Not 100% yet, still, more often than not now.

hugs and love back
miss you both

Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on June 25, 2019, 10:29:02 am
So many worse off and fighting harder than I am. It draws focus to my own battle rather than diffuse it. I'm out everywhere yet I hold back in my own head. Things in my life that I cannot share here prevent it. That is the one hurdle left to clear. The one thing that is triggering the rest
Faith, I visualize a martial hero kicking this hurdle down in front of you so you can just step over, with a helping hand.
And sensing that maybe you have Lori in your life to help you because you deserve it, and that you really really need the help. I'm glad that you are not lost to some people close to you in your life. Hoping your burden is shared with someone, even though it can't be here.

Speaking of help, I want to thank you, because I have been more aware and noticing HER in my own mirror since reading things you've posted recently
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 25, 2019, 10:50:44 am
Faith, I visualize a martial hero kicking this hurdle down in front of you so you can just step over, with a helping hand.
And sensing that maybe you have Lori in your life to help you because you deserve it, and that you really really need the help. I'm glad that you are not lost to some people close to you in your life. Hoping your burden is shared with someone, even though it can't be here.

Speaking of help, I want to thank you, because I have been more aware and noticing HER in my own mirror since reading things you've posted recently

Maddie, Hi! I've been reading your posts since your return.  A shared burden? Well, I am not alone knowing what it is; I am alone dealing with it. I will overcome, it's a slow process.

Help? Me? :icon_blink:  I'm glad that I helped, I am in wonderment that I did so. I did what I was told.. selfie after selfie after, well, you get the picture (HAH!). Post, share, review, get other perspectives, repeat. Let it sink in. It's actually working. If that is what is working for you, or a variation thereof, I am happy for you.

I share and post thinking, "sure there is some self-help to this". Mostly I do it on the off-chance that it helps someone else. It's nice to get a reply that confirms it. I've had to assume my posts help or that people are interested based on the view count.

and .......... speaking of posting and sharing, a photo for Monday on Tuesday because Monday sucked.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/qkdfJi7.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on June 25, 2019, 07:46:42 pm
Help? Me? :icon_blink:  I'm glad that I helped, I am in wonderment that I did so. I did what I was told.. selfie after selfie after, well, you get the picture (HAH!). Post, share, review, get other perspectives
What I like is that our female self can be seen in the mirror. We may have to look for her.  Because I don't always see her in the mirror and feel weakened resolve.
A reminder to use intent and focus in TRANSITION- if that big word is what I'm actually doing here...not just living in fantasy cloudland.

Selfie after selfie....and post them...maybe I'll do that as well..

I luv that top on you in the selfie last post
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 25, 2019, 08:35:57 pm
What I like is that our female self can be seen in the mirror. We may have to look for her.  Because I don't always see her in the mirror and feel weakened resolve.
A reminder to use intent and focus in TRANSITION- if that big word is what I'm actually doing here...not just living in fantasy cloudland.

Selfie after selfie....and post them...maybe I'll do that as well..

I luv that top on you in the selfie last post

@Maddie
It's an odd mix, try too hard and she escapes you. Don't try hard enough and you see him. Talk about frustrating. Still, I have made it to the other side where I see her more than him .. YAY!! .. You will as well.

selfie after selfie gads .. you should see my phone sd card, it's plugged up.

The purple top. Thanks, it's one of my favs. It was also one of the first ones I purchased way back when at the beginning of all this. I swear that it used to fit tighter  :-\
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 26, 2019, 06:35:24 am
Well, mood is back up more. It doesn't feel like a roller coaster, it feels more like a clipped sine wave. Up I go and then, I hit my head on the top .. OW! .. I slide back down and hit my, um, butt on the bottom .. OW some more!!


In keeping with the new focus on body image .. ugh .. here is today's mirror shot. I couldn't post it in the fabulous thread, I didn't want to bring the quality average down too low.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/vFrw6Cq.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 26, 2019, 08:36:02 am
Well, mood is back up more. It doesn't feel like a roller coaster, it feels more like a clipped sine wave. Up I go and then, I hit my head on the top .. OW! .. I slide back down and hit my, um, butt on the bottom .. OW some more!!


In keeping with the new focus on body image .. ugh .. here is today's mirror shot. I couldn't post it in the fabulous thread, I didn't want to bring the quality average down too low.

it's called compression  :)

Nice pic today Faith, hope you are doing well

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 26, 2019, 09:34:49 am
it's called compression  :)

Nice pic today Faith, hope you are doing well

C -

besides trying to get a profile photo to show my hair style only to see a very old lady with a big nose? .. I'm doing much better today :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 28, 2019, 05:38:19 am
been a couple days .. HI, How y'all doin'

point to ponder, why bother to drop a letter in a word just to insert an apostrophe? Oh, the normal things. To cause those reading to change their inner voice to match otherwise they'd just read it in their own. So, how do you infer a higher sing-song voice? hmm? howdoyoudothat? No, I don't have a voice like that, my mind is wandering pre coffee. I haven't consciously tried to change my voice. Lori loves my voice and she's put up with so much that the voice is a compromise point. Not to mention, most gals go crazy when I sing - no idea why, women are all crazy.
♯Hi♯ ♫hello♫ ♬hugs♬ ♭and♭ ♪kisses♩

Work, ugh, one of the radio bosses complained about 'visitors' in the studios which prompted a memo from my boss not to socialize (paraphrased). I can't sit for long, I would walk through the building, stop in, talk a bit, go back to my desk. It breaks up my day, breaks up their day (they get very bored), good all around - except to the bosses. Now I am back to sitting by myself, no socialization, and walking now involves short excursions outside around the parking lot in the heat of the day. Heat index has been ~107F   :o

so, that's sums up my past couple days .. nothing. Work and Home.
oh, I did have a very intimate evening with my wife Wed night, it was a pleasant surprise.



I decided to edit in a 'full body get my head straight' photo. Focus was off a bit, oh well, you get the picture  ;D

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/fuMLBLr.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on June 28, 2019, 06:21:52 am
Looking very elegant, Faith!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on June 28, 2019, 07:02:09 am
Looking good Faith.  Like the top!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 28, 2019, 09:59:09 am
thanks both. I'm pretty sure that I've posted the outfit before, I don't know where they all went ...  ::)

I thought face image was rough to get a handle on .. body image - oof!! At least it's easier to ignore. I see my face all the time

Halloween thoughts.

I pondered "Harley Quinn".  I think that I can pull it off, question is .... is it overdone? I want to be expressive yet avoid being 'one in a crowd'

I don't know. Doing anything well will be pricey so I have to start early.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 29, 2019, 07:15:29 am
been a couple days .. HI, How y'all doin'

I decided to edit in a 'full body get my head straight' photo. Focus was off a bit, oh well, you get the picture  ;D

Been away myself, but wanted to stop by your thread and say
nice pic, I like maxi skirts myself, walking and not sitting sounds like a great idea.

Have a nice weekend

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on July 01, 2019, 09:28:39 am
Good morning Faith -

I come here this morning to find all your pictures deleted again. Makes me a bit worried, hope you are OK...

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 01, 2019, 11:44:58 am
Good morning Faith -

I come here this morning to find all your pictures deleted again. Makes me a bit worried, hope you are OK...

Hugs,

Sarah


@Faith     cc: @sarah1972 
Dear Faith:
I agree with Sarah... I likewise am concerned and trust that all is OK with you.
I will restate what I have said many times, I love your photos that you have posted, you have nothing to be ashamed of or to be upset about....  you are beautiful!!!   ... and of course I love your hair!!!

Please come back to your thread and check in and let your followers know what is going on in your life in your corner of the world.


HUGS, and more HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 01, 2019, 01:14:51 pm
Halloween thoughts.

I pondered "Harley Quinn".  I think that I can pull it off, question is .... is it overdone? I want to be expressive yet avoid being 'one in a crowd'

I don't know. Doing anything well will be pricey so I have to start early.

Harley Quinn sounds like a cool choice for you, no doubt...but you're right, there is a potential for running into an entire batch of HQs at a big costume party or contest. 
You could start a sexy gang of psychominions.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 02, 2019, 07:00:03 am
no .. no more photos I think, probably no more posting after this either.

photos are a lie

I'm tired
tired of struggling to be me
struggling against the tide
tolerance does not equate to acceptance
acceptance does not equate to anything
I didn't fit in before
I don't fit in anywhere now

It's best that I stay in my own head.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on July 02, 2019, 08:04:14 am
It's best that I stay in my own head.

This works for a while above, been there many times myself, however experience tells that eventually this approach breaks down.

Be well

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on July 02, 2019, 08:27:02 am
Well when your in there do some file cleaning and run an update , Faith 2.5 operating system would work well.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 02, 2019, 09:49:37 am


no .. no more photos I think, probably no more posting after this either.

photos are a lie

I'm tired
tired of struggling to be me
struggling against the tide
tolerance does not equate to acceptance
acceptance does not equate to anything
I didn't fit in before
I don't fit in anywhere now

It's best that I stay in my own head.

Faith,

You'll always fit in here. I know its not enough in the real world,  but hopefully help you until you get to a better place. 

About acceptance, self acceptance equals life.

Don't stay in your head too long, it gets cramped and suffocating eventually.

Please find the help you need.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on July 02, 2019, 11:04:47 am
Faith, I am sorry that the monster got you again.  But you are always welcome here.  We will help you fight it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 02, 2019, 11:12:54 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I will say this to you, but as you do know I use this wording frequently with those member's threads that I follow regularly.

When you have successes and good things to report all of us here will rejoice with you. ... 
... and when your reports are not-so-good news please know that your followers are here to
lend you our ear and to give you our shoulders to lean on.
We are your biggest fans and we are always rooting for your SUCCESS !!!!

Many HUGS and more HUGS, best wishes to you as always.
Danielle


Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 03, 2019, 12:38:13 am
no .. no more photos I think, probably no more posting after this either.

photos are a lie

I'm tired
tired of struggling to be me
struggling against the tide
tolerance does not equate to acceptance
acceptance does not equate to anything
I didn't fit in before
I don't fit in anywhere now

It's best that I stay in my own head


Faith, strongly hope you find some rest in your head.   
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Laurie on July 03, 2019, 07:19:51 pm
 Hi Faith,

  As to your current state of affairs.... OH <nonsense> GIRL! You know Lori loves you. You know many of us here love you. I am sure others out in your world love you. The others do not really matter.
  You are your own worst critic. It's a tired old statement but it is so true. Learn to love and accept yourself and the rest will fall into place.

 Love and Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 04, 2019, 10:14:18 am
@Laurie
It's always good to have you interact here Laurie. I miss the 'old days' .. Susan's is not the same as it was in the first year I was on here. The atmosphere is so different now. Members move on, cliques are formed, off-line friendships blossom ..... and here I am, still struggling to fit somewhere.

-=anyways=-

I has nothing to do with love of lack thereof. I miss old me. I miss the comfort of knowing who I am. I miss the confidence derived from who you are combined with who you are perceived to be. I am disconnected, from myself and others. Adrift.

Yes, I am loved. Yes, I am supported. Yet .. they miss old me. They miss the strength of self that I used to portray.

Quote
Sometimes,
You can miss people
who have not left

They are still alive
And you can see them

They're just different now.
@Rudy Francisco

No, it has nothing to do with love.
They don't know how to relate to me because I don't know who I am.
I don't know how to relate to them because I don't know who I am.




I need to turn off notifications ................
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 04, 2019, 10:37:36 am
- - - - - - - - -
     - - - - - - - -

I need to turn off notifications ................


@Faith
Dear Faith ...  FYI:
IMPORTANT NOTIFICATION:

Our lovely member Faith is much loved here and we are her biggest fans always rooting for her success.
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Laurie on July 04, 2019, 02:59:36 pm
Faith,

   I guess it bears repeating...  "Learn to love and accept yourself"

  Yes, I agree and said that you are loved. I believe the issue is you, Hun. You struggle and fight a battle within yourself. when you learn to love and accept yourself, you will show those that love you who you are and how to relate to you. Yes, the previous inhabitant of your body will be missed for awhile, but those loved ones will become comfortable with the new inhabitant when you are. It all takes time.
  As you should know, I have had and still have at times, my own struggles. I just keep struggling along with the help of my friends. I think I know where I am heading but getting there is sometimes just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and seeing what happens. I have doubts and setbacks. I have come close to ending it. But one step at a time and waiting to see how it turns out has managed to overcome the adversity and moves me inexorably towards my goal. I hope I get there. I hope you do too.

Hugs,
  Laurie

 P.S. Thank you for missing me. I miss you and my other friends here. It is what keeps me returning though my experience here has soured. I still believe this site is beneficial to the folk that come here. I do miss being what I thought was a valuable participant. I got a lot of personal reward from helping others. I now feel I had been deluding myself.
ljw
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on July 05, 2019, 03:36:48 pm
Hay! What's going on hear? Is Faith causing trouble again? Don't make me come over there!!! You won't like what you will see >:(. You know we all love you hun! Be strong. Happy 4th.

Oh ya, I heard it was 113 degrees there yesterday? That's nasty. Stay cool you guys.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on July 08, 2019, 11:44:46 pm
P.S. Thank you for missing me. I miss you and my other friends here. It is what keeps me returning though my experience here has soured. I still believe this site is beneficial to the folk that come here. I do miss being what I thought was a valuable participant. I got a lot of personal reward from helping others. I now feel I had been deluding myself.
ljw
Oh jeez, you too Laurie???  I don't know what you got from others that made you doubt your contributions back then, but I always saw you as a positive influence.  You helped a lot of people in your positive, welcoming fashion.  I'm always still delighted to see you chime in from time to time.  It sounds like you're doing well; I hope that is true.

Faith, similarly, we love to hear from you, and I hope the inside of your head provides a respite until you're ready to come out.  Knowing ourselves can be difficult -- it's a crux of my own issues as well.

All the best, love to you both, Randy/Randi/Whatever
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 09, 2019, 11:33:34 am
I thought I'd give a brief update while poking around in here. As the 'self doubt' topic would indicate, I have been inundated with doubt - with a difference. I don't doubt myself - I doubt the process. I know who I am, the issues arise with getting me out of my head and into the world. I have bouts of clarity and then the 'fog of indecision' rolls in.

Today is more of an 'up' day by comparison only. I've had so much down lately. It makes it very hard to be an active participant in the world. I think the up can be attributed to my properly amended birth certificate finally arriving.

I BROKE A NAIL!! >:(
the fact that it bothered me so much sums up a lot, I think. I broke the same nail 3 weeks ago. It had just caught back up with the others.  >:( >:(

Lori took me for some retail therapy. We have no money (read NO MONEY) and she still bought me a few items. I'm wearing them today. A bit more 'festive' and a throwback to the '70's. Apparently I pull it off ...... I need some beads.

Not much has changed in my life. Well, my older brother is in total denial. He refuses to call me Faith and still calls me he/him/brother. His justifications? Because I wasn't 'that way' when I was growing up. Excuse me!!?? How do you know what was in my head all those years. Sure, I didn't have a clue myself yet all the signs were there. I fought to fit in, I fought to emulate, I fought to belong. I tagged along, did what other guys did and still .. it didn't fit. I knew it didn't fit, other guys knew I didn't fit. The why was the only thing escaping me. Now I know the why. You have no right to lay claim that I don't know who I am and that you know better.

I am not who you think I am. I am who I think I am .. I am Faith

I know, yelling in here really doesn't accomplish anything. He'll never read it and he wouldn't care regardless (oh, sorry, irregardless)

I have no money to make any outside gains. The only gains I can make are in my head and it's not going well.

I'm so lonely
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 09, 2019, 11:55:01 am
Hey Faith,

Nice to see you posting again.

I don't get your brother's attitude. Really, what's it to him? Things change when you get older, some more than others. Not much you can do about him. Hopefully seeing others address you properly will convince him he's an ass.

I hear you on nails. Breaking one has become almost a daily occurrence for me so much that I can't grow them out at all.

Nice to see you back



Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 09, 2019, 12:16:31 pm
@Faith
My dearest Faith:
I am so sad to read of your personal trials and tribulations, as I a am certain that you know,we all have them, I have them, but it is our choice and our choice alone as to how to handle our difficult issues and to try to formulate positive actions we can take ...

...and just as important, we need to develop and keep a positive and constructive mindset.   I won't burden you with my famous Winston Churchill "Optimism" quote here on your thread but if you wish to refresh your memory, here is the LINK to that famous Optimistic quotes that I love to share....

    https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.msg2143336.html#msg2143336

        https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.msg2143353.html#msg2143353

Of course there are many contributions from other members that you may find helpful on my following thread...

             "Positive Mindset... put away negativity" (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.0.html)

Please don't allow yourself to feel lonely, you have the love of your life, Lori at you side, and you have all of you sincere forums followers here to keep you company, please continue to post here on the forums and feel free to PM any of us as you feel so led.

Many HUGS and well wishes being sent your way!!! 
Danielle

                              (https://i.imgur.com/RauHUuY.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 09, 2019, 12:31:58 pm
thanks, both.

Lonely doesn't stem from lack of support or companionship. I know, that sounds weird. No, I think I can boil my loneliness feeling down to not being myself. In every situation I find myself, I hold back, I am not me. This creates a feeling of isolation, solitude .. loneliness :(

.. while lurking ..
Tonya, I saw your pics. Very nice changes and you're looking good. Don't be me :P

Danielle, somewhere I re-read a post about you getting ready to visit your (GF/bestie/romantic interest)'s .. pick a term :P ... parents.  It made me ponder and search for a list of things to do and not to do when meeting the parents for the first time. It reaffirmed what I said way back .. just be yourself. They're going to love you.

Not that I am anyone special to be giving advice .. so .. it's not advice, it is simply my thoughts. And **poof** they're gone
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 09, 2019, 12:53:44 pm

I am not who you think I am. I am who I think I am .. I am Faith


Heck yeah.

And I think the upside of your corrected birth certificate deserves a big  :)

Sorry about your brother.  My family is also in denial, and apparently cannot progress beyond 30 years ago when they had me taken away... mostly because of their denial!  My only sibling has spoken to me maybe 5 times since then, yet I keep trying to call him anyway.. They don't think Im transgender, it was easier on them to tell everyone I was psycho instead.
I have come out to parents multiple times (only once with sibling), but nobody even listens.  I want to get it to the point where they can even handle the subject and then either reject or accept me.  Maybe they already have...
Reading your posts like yours regarding your brother make me wonder if its worth it to keep trying with people who will not see.

I am also lonely.

@Alaskan Danielle thx for Churchill link

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 09, 2019, 01:02:06 pm
Heya Maddie.

My brother, I wrote him off. If he decides to come to terms at some point then he can reach out. Acquaintances, friends, family, all the same. I am here, I am me, they know where to find me. If they are looking for him they are in for some disappointment.

If they have closed the door to their minds, we cannot open it - they have to. If they leave it cracked open, well then it's worth a shot. We can only show them so much, then it is up to them.

being lonely sucks
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on July 09, 2019, 01:11:46 pm
Heya Maddie.

My brother, I wrote him off. If he decides to come to terms at some point then he can reach out. Acquaintances, friends, family, all the same. I am here, I am me, they know where to find me. If they are looking for him they are in for some disappointment.

If they have closed the door to their minds, we cannot open it - they have to. If they leave it cracked open, well then it's worth a shot. We can only show them so much, then it is up to them.

being lonely sucks

I get this personally Faith.  While not as close as a family member, when I was shunned by my trusted running gal pal, at first I was very hurt, but when we saw each other months later it seemed in a good light, only to be thrown back into the darkness a week later.  I have given up reaching out.  It’s up to her now.  I do see a sliver of light through the door jamb though.

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 09, 2019, 01:35:39 pm
I get this personally Faith.  While not as close as a family member, when I was shunned by my trusted running gal pal, at first I was very hurt, but when we saw each other months later it seemed in a good light, only to be thrown back into the darkness a week later.  I have given up reaching out.  It’s up to her now.  I do see a sliver of light through the door jamb though.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

Jessica! I lose track .. so many threads. Not for lack of caring though. I do remember your distress when that happened :( I didn't have much to say, still don't, I also struggle to get people to see me.

Even lurking I read what I can, commiserate silently. I am horrible at replying. So many times I trigger and have to shut down. I see happy posts and I'm miserable so I don't reply and possible taint the sun with my clouds.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 09, 2019, 02:44:24 pm
Forgot to give you a "yay" on the birth certificate.

YAY

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on July 09, 2019, 03:47:33 pm
Just caught up (with everyone else as well) great news on your birth certificate. I get the why have you changed, changed ? who me no just let myself out, its always been me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 09, 2019, 04:05:36 pm
Just caught up (with everyone else as well) great news on your birth certificate. I get the why have you changed, changed ? who me no just let myself out, its always been me.

It's always been me
you were too blind to see

so now that I'm out
there's no need to pout

just kiss my mug
and give me a hug


HAHAHAHAAHAH  ..... egads! that's so bad that I'm leaving it there.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 09, 2019, 04:43:11 pm
It's always been me
you were too blind to see

so now that I'm out
there's no need to pout

just kiss my mug
and give me a hug

HAHAHAHAAHAH  ..... egads! that's so bad that I'm leaving it there.

               (https://i.imgur.com/RauHUuY.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Laurie on July 10, 2019, 12:07:00 am
Congrats on the Birth Certificate Ms. Faith.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 10, 2019, 09:51:52 am
@Danielle  .. Thank you for the hug although, I don't think that poem was worth it ;D

@Laurie .. yes, another step on a long road. I wish I could see the destination, if only in my own minds eye.


Between sirs and bad photos I am off to a rough start :(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 10, 2019, 11:02:15 pm
I think the worst is to get sir'd when I really try and dress it up a little. 
And then dare to think, for a minute, that I have my look and posture dialed in...

Then they say it louder, as if for the benefit of the audience of strangers nearby, who maybe didn't even notice before...

Sir....SIR...SIR!.."
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 11, 2019, 07:16:58 am
I get that feeling. I've been sir'd many times while definitely presenting .. never with strangers though. It's always with people that knew me 'before'.  I chalk that up to the habit mental barrier.  I can't recall ever receiving the intensifying 'sir' to get my attention (or draw attention). If I ever did I've blocked it out.  I definitely get the 'sir' when I have no makeup and dress casual.

No male-fail for me.
(https://i.imgur.com/kcAxMnut.jpg)


validation .. I seek it, monthly, weekly, hourly, minutely (why does minutely not really mean what you think it should? You have to switch to 'by the minute')

why? Self-esteem? Self-confidence? Self-image? Self-aversion? Self-disdain? Self-dislike? etc etc .. I don't know. It's one of them or all of them. I cannot validate myself so I look to others to do it for me. After cleaning out my phone I am back to taking photos of myself. Not as many so far. How long will it last?

They aren't 'as good' as they have been. My mood coming through? How I feel about myself? Ugh. I shared a photo yesterday on here. Pretty sure I removed it before anyone saw. Those staff type people though, they can probably see it in my edits. SPIES !! Peeping Thomasina's !!

Ah well, here, have a photo. Maybe I'll even manage to leave it here for a spell.
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/JRFOfpY.jpg)

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on July 11, 2019, 07:25:57 am
Thanks for the photo, Faith!

This latest one looks like you are up to something, maybe fixing to zap a spell onto someone.  But definitely all female. :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on July 11, 2019, 07:46:14 am
Good Morning Faith, I am glad you are back to a place you can share again (it's a fickle thing).

Too me it's all female, I am giggling at your "pouting picture".

I change my avatar picture here often, depending on my mood  :)

Do have a nice day, OK ?

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 11, 2019, 08:05:19 am
Thanks for the photo, Faith!

This latest one looks like you are up to something, maybe fixing to zap a spell onto someone.  But definitely all female. :)

thanks Kathy .. I am up to something .. up to needing meds. I'm getting sick :( I know allergies are the main cause yet once you get weakened enough in comes the real thing .. blah ..

Good Morning Faith, I am glad you are back to a place you can share again (it's a fickle thing).

Too me it's all female, I am giggling at your "pouting picture".

I change my avatar picture here often, depending on my mood  :)

Do have a nice day, OK ?

C -

Cynthia, I post/share 'faces' even less than, um, normal photos. I was always hesitant about expressions. Now, it seems that I make a lot of them even without knowing that I am. I think that my insides are sneaking out on to my face.

I never share a profile photo (as in, facial side view). It is there that the 'man' really shows up. I've tried a few, I delete every one of them. Brow ridge and nose .. ick ..
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on July 11, 2019, 02:54:18 pm
I get that feeling. I've been sir'd many times while definitely presenting .. never with strangers though. It's always with people that knew me 'before'.  I chalk that up to the habit mental barrier.  I can't recall ever receiving the intensifying 'sir' to get my attention (or draw attention). If I ever did I've blocked it out.  I definitely get the 'sir' when I have no makeup and dress casual.

No male-fail for me.
(https://i.imgur.com/kcAxMnut.jpg)


validation .. I seek it, monthly, weekly, hourly, minutely (why does minutely not really mean what you think it should? You have to switch to 'by the minute')

why? Self-esteem? Self-confidence? Self-image? Self-aversion? Self-disdain? Self-dislike? etc etc .. I don't know. It's one of them or all of them. I cannot validate myself so I look to others to do it for me. After cleaning out my phone I am back to taking photos of myself. Not as many so far. How long will it last?

They aren't 'as good' as they have been. My mood coming through? How I feel about myself? Ugh. I shared a photo yesterday on here. Pretty sure I removed it before anyone saw. Those staff type people though, they can probably see it in my edits. SPIES !! Peeping Thomasina's !!

Ah well, here, have a photo. Maybe I'll even manage to leave it here for a spell.


Still that's no reason for a sad face Faith. Think of all the things you have. Like hugs from me ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 14, 2019, 10:19:16 am
posting in case anyone thought I was mia again. I sort of am. sinusitis .. ugh .. hit me Thursday (went home early), worse by Friday (stayed home) .. still bad today. I'll probably miss work again tomorrow. Only started antibiotics on Saturday so hasn't been long enough to really help yet.

that's it. That's what filled my time the past few days.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on July 14, 2019, 01:19:19 pm
 Feel for you dear, just got over a touch of sinus/inner ear. Big HUG and hope it clears quick.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Rachel on July 14, 2019, 02:29:05 pm
Hello Faith,

I think you pics look feminine.

I am 6'1" and I am no longer gendered male. I was for years and it bothered me very much.

 For me the below helped:
 losing weight helped heaps.
 Coloring my hair helped.
 wearing nail polish (powder).
wearing definitely female clothing helped.
carrying my cross body bag helps.
Light make up helps.
having a high pitched voice albeit still "healing" helps.
I like lip stain and a top cover of gloss, helps.
Allowing guys to hold doors and allowing me to go first helps.
Allowing guys to take charge and follow their lead.

Something Dr. Sataloff did in his office may be of interest. He had me stand and place my hands in his. He moved to the side. I allowed my arms to move with planted feat. He said 9 out of 10 woman would follow his lead with their torso and relax their hands. So I was giving off the wrong non-verbal messaging is what he was showing me. Learning to allow a male to take charge and being relaxed and allowing it sends out different verbal messages. 90% in communication is non-verbal.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 16, 2019, 07:18:11 am
posting in case anyone thought I was mia again. I sort of am. sinusitis .. ugh .. hit me Thursday (went home early), worse by Friday (stayed home) .. still bad today. I'll probably miss work again tomorrow. Only started antibiotics on Saturday so hasn't been long enough to really help yet.

that's it. That's what filled my time the past few days.
Hope you're feeling better

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on July 16, 2019, 07:31:36 am
Thinking of you Faith this morning and hope things are starting to get better by the time you read this :)

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 16, 2019, 11:53:01 am
thanks for the concern. I kept my appetite so it's rather surprising how listless I've felt that past few days. I am managing to get off the couch today, much less coughing. I wore myself out just taking a shower. I should be able to manage to go to work tomorrow. 6 days sick .. ugh .. I only got off the couch for necessities.

I still feel like I tried to inflate a balloon and inflated my head instead.

I tried to catch up some threads. I couldn't seem to put words together for proper replies. Longer posts I couldn't even get through without getting lost. I don't think my brain is functioning.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on July 16, 2019, 11:55:14 am
thanks for the concern. I kept my appetite so it's rather surprising how listless I've felt that past few days. I am managing to get off the couch today, much less coughing. I wore myself out just taking a shower. I should be able to manage to go to work tomorrow. 6 days sick .. ugh .. I only got off the couch for necessities.

I still feel like I tried to inflate a balloon and inflated my head instead.

I tried to catch up some threads. I couldn't seem to put words together for proper replies. Longer posts I couldn't even get through without getting lost. I don't think my brain is functioning.

Oof!  Hoping the best for you!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 16, 2019, 03:14:28 pm
thanks Jessica.  I'll get there, unfortunately it means going back to work .. fortunately it means I won't lose my whole paycheck

I just woke up from a(nother) nap where I dreamed that I couldn't wake up and was trying to force myself awake. I finally woke up drenched in sweat .. yum :P

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 16, 2019, 09:42:54 pm
Get well soon Faith :-\
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on July 17, 2019, 09:51:39 am
Wow, what’s going on down there south of Lake Ogre-chobee? Both you and @Linde are down with the creeping crud.

Get well soon, dear!


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on July 17, 2019, 10:12:19 am
@Faith

thanks Jessica.  I'll get there, unfortunately it means going back to work .. fortunately it means I won't lose my whole paycheck

I just woke up from a(nother) nap where I dreamed that I couldn't wake up and was trying to force myself awake. I finally woke up drenched in sweat .. yum :P

Last time I had that happen, an Incubus was on my chest!

Oof!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 18, 2019, 06:27:43 am
hmm, my incubus would have had to have been a cat named Bullet. He has magic teleportation. Once you sit back to relax he's right there curling in with no indication of where he came from.

I made it to work today, I wish I hadn't. I need the hours plus my counterpart started her week off today. Things go south quickly if neither one of us is there. It's going to be a long day

I did catch up a few threads, I didn't try to reply. My head is still pretty foggy coupled with the splitting heading and also the nails shooting through my sinuses. I'm sure I would offend someone if I tried to comment.

obligatory sick photo
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/8h2UxQa.jpg)

hmm, makeup really does hide a lot of ills ..... I can see it in my brow line and slightly squinty eyes though.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on July 18, 2019, 08:00:53 am
Good Morning and glad to hear you up and about again. The expression in today's shared image has an air of confidence to it. One of my counter parts is also off this week, I'm taking on the extra load, it's endless.

Have a great day Faith

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on July 18, 2019, 08:19:55 am
Welcome back to work, dear. Be careful not to overdo it.

As for the picture, one word comes to mind: Fierce woman.

TWO words come to mind: Fierce determined woman.

Three words... oh never mind.


Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 18, 2019, 09:08:14 am
If you hadn't said you were still feeling a little  ewww, we'd have not known from the picture. You look nice, Faith.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 18, 2019, 10:28:44 am
thanks ya'all three .. four? :)

I hesitated on the photo. I have not been taking photos for myself, much less to share, for some time except the occasional. For a while I stopped even opening the camera app.

As the cold? flu? Sinus bug? .. whatever it was .. as it retreats my many other issues are coming back to the fore to bludgeon me again. Maybe I should stay sick, at least then I can't think.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Wendi on July 18, 2019, 07:34:22 pm
You look great Faith. I hope you're feeling better soon.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 19, 2019, 07:16:10 am
Hi Wendi and thank you. Welcome to my little almost-hidden corner of the forum.

I used to never get sick, now when I get sick it's bad and the effects linger. Not hrt related, this started years before I even thought about transgender. Come to think of it, I was feeling the anger, depression and what-not that I associate with it so .. it could have had a negative health effect. If so, I should start getting back to being not sick? right? *sigh*

In any case, right now I am stuck dealing with the cough, congestion, listlessness that I always get after being sick .. it can drag on for months :(

my looks ..

This past couple months I've put on weight instead of losing. It's making me feel very disheartened about ever making my target weight.

I fight the mirror, photo, body image issues almost daily. I get chastised by forum members, my wife, my gal friends at work all telling me to lighten up on myself. It's hard. I see what I see; I feel what I feel.

Today my work gal friend is bringing in a couple tops that she bought for me while she was vising family in Columbia. side note: apparently she showed me off via photos to her family where I received many compliments that I couldn't hear :P I digress. I'll try to get a couple photos of the tops later today.

Why do my photos look similar? Well, I do try for the same place and position for comparisons.  For example. Here is a comparison of my first ever out yet pre-hrt photo that I took in the same position on January 16 of 2018 and one from today, right now

(https://i.imgur.com/PSPQjSF.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/q8PXXOu.jpg)

the pre-photo is a bit fuzzy. There was a filter on that phone camera that I didn't know how to turn off at the time plus the fact that my new phone has a much better camera.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 19, 2019, 07:23:59 am
Hi Wendi and thank you. Welcome to my little almost-hidden corner of the forum.

I used to never get sick, now when I get sick it's bad and the effects linger. Not hrt related, this started years before I even thought about transgender. Come to think of it, I was feeling the anger, depression and what-not that I associate with it so .. it could have had a negative health effect. If so, I should start getting back to being not sick? right? *sigh*

In any case, right now I am stuck dealing with the cough, congestion, listlessness that I always get after being sick .. it can drag on for months :(

my looks ..

This past couple months I've put on weight instead of losing. It's making me feel very disheartened about ever making my target weight.

I fight the mirror, photo, body image issues almost daily. I get chastised by forum members, my wife, my gal friends at work all telling me to lighten up on myself. It's hard. I see what I see; I feel what I feel.

Today my work gal friend is bringing in a couple tops that she bought for me while she was vising family in Columbia. side note: apparently she showed me off via photos to her family where I received many compliments that I couldn't hear I digress. I'll try to get a couple photos of the tops later today.

Why do my photos look similar? Well, I do try for the same place and position for comparisons.  For example. Here is a comparison of my first ever out yet pre-hrt photo that I took in the same position on January 16 of 2018 and one from today, right now

(https://i.imgur.com/PSPQjSF.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/q8PXXOu.jpg)

the pre-photo is a bit fuzzy. There was a filter on that phone camera that I didn't know how to turn off at the time plus the fact that my new phone has a much better camera.
The camera isn't the reason for the better picture, lady. 

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Wendi on July 19, 2019, 07:34:06 am
Hi Wendi and thank you. Welcome to my little almost-hidden corner of the forum.

I used to never get sick, now when I get sick it's bad and the effects linger. Not hrt related, this started years before I even thought about transgender. Come to think of it, I was feeling the anger, depression and what-not that I associate with it so .. it could have had a negative health effect. If so, I should start getting back to being not sick? right? *sigh*

In any case, right now I am stuck dealing with the cough, congestion, listlessness that I always get after being sick .. it can drag on for months :(

my looks ..

This past couple months I've put on weight instead of losing. It's making me feel very disheartened about ever making my target weight.

I fight the mirror, photo, body image issues almost daily. I get chastised by forum members, my wife, my gal friends at work all telling me to lighten up on myself. It's hard. I see what I see; I feel what I feel.

Today my work gal friend is bringing in a couple tops that she bought for me while she was vising family in Columbia. side note: apparently she showed me off via photos to her family where I received many compliments that I couldn't hear I digress. I'll try to get a couple photos of the tops later today.

Why do my photos look similar? Well, I do try for the same place and position for comparisons.  For example. Here is a comparison of my first ever out yet pre-hrt photo that I took in the same position on January 16 of 2018 and one from today, right now

(https://i.imgur.com/PSPQjSF.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/q8PXXOu.jpg)

the pre-photo is a bit fuzzy. There was a filter on that phone camera that I didn't know how to turn off at the time plus the fact that my new phone has a much better camera.
Wow. Your face looks so much softer now.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 19, 2019, 08:36:08 am
The camera isn't the reason for the better picture, lady. 

quality make-up ;D

Wow. Your face looks so much softer now.

I have lost a few years. No one believes that I'm 59. So, at least one positive outcome :P  Apparently I fail at being manly now as well. When I really get low I dress as masculine as I can (rather difficult since I have no men's clothes). While I don't get mail-fail and am typically pegged as male, the masculinity factor is missing. Effeminate male is the best that I get now. I can live with that, I think.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 19, 2019, 08:53:48 am
quality make-up ;D

I have lost a few years. No one believes that I'm 59. So, at least one positive outcome   Apparently I fail at being manly now as well. When I really get low I dress as masculine as I can (rather difficult since I have no men's clothes). While I don't get mail-fail and am typically pegged as male, the masculinity factor is missing. Effeminate male is the best that I get now. I can live with that, I think.
HRT is doing its magic, physically and mentally.  Looking years younger seems to be pretty common for trans ladies. Not all of it is hormone related, a lot of it is related to stress removal from being able to live authentically.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 19, 2019, 08:02:43 pm
Faith. I think the subtle wave in your hair is cooler now than the before picture. Thanx for posting the contrast from then to now.

I like your eye makeup
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 20, 2019, 08:50:49 am
Tonya, I don't know about the stress levels. They are the same or even higher, just different stresses now.

Maddie, thx. I have the same waves and curls. The longer hair gives extra weight that pulls it out. My hair trains easily for a day. All I have to do is wet it, comb it the way I want it to go, and let it dry. I can go from super wavy to perfectly straight that way. It's hard to say what my 'natural' style is due to that. Braid my hair and let it dry .. oof .. total witch frizz all day -sometimes into the next day- unless I wet it back down.

As for my eye make up,  I have one rule:
If you see the make-up first, you did it wrong. If you see the eyes first, you did it right.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 20, 2019, 01:09:36 pm
I call this one Unvarnished Truth

a photo with no filters; poor lighting; no make-up; unshaven; pounding headache

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/fO7pv2E.jpg)

I never use photo filters so I don't know if that disclaimer is a valid one.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 20, 2019, 01:58:54 pm
Unvarnished truth is quite believable as woman.   

Also very believable as man, which I'm pretty sure is not what you're going for.

Are you shooting for can't-pass-as-man in any lighting or angle? 

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 20, 2019, 02:22:27 pm
neither, and both. My selfies are to help me come to terms with what I see and who I am. I have to see in good lighting or poor, made up or no, dressed up or not .. etc. I have to see .. me.

Today is an odd day. I feel myself, I feel the woman, yet the face in his and it doesn't bother me. I think it's because rather than looking to the outside for me I am feeling me on the inside where I should.

-=random inert=-
storm here, power just went out *sigh*
-=end insert=-

anyways. When I first come out to my wife along with the struggles she also looked for the missed clues. She stated on many occasion her failure and amazement at the fact she could see her (me) in my face in old photos. She (me) always evident yet not seen or noticed. So, it stands to reason, that the biggest thing keeping her (me) from my features is the me on the inside.

Even in my very first therapist session (with my 2nd therapist), the therapist said she could see both him and her depending on what I was talking about. My features changed, yet stayed the same. Him/her depending on my thoughts. She being most evident when I smiled.

Am I distressed that you can see him as well as her in that photo? .. nope. It's right in line with what I am working out. I am him, I am her, I am me.

I may lost this thought process by tomorrow, for today it is clear. I hope I was fairly clear in what I typed. It's kind of hard though this nasty headache.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 20, 2019, 02:32:54 pm
Two Advil and call it a day ;)

Faith, I should have added that I see myself as far less believable as woman as you, when I don't shave or work angles and just shoot natural expression. 
I promise to post more of my own selfies for others pain and enjoyment.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 20, 2019, 02:53:20 pm
HAH! no pills for me. Everyone of them is bad for me for one reason or another. I can take acetaminophen sparingly - too many and they cause headaches rather than remove. I cannot take others. No ibuprofen, no aspirin, no NSAIDs of any kind. I've recently started trying CBD oil tincture .. it makes me sleepy :-/

Trust me when I say that I still pick and choose what photos I share. Some are downright scary and get deleted immediately. Others I keep but don't share .. those I glare at. My profile is the worst .. ick. I hate my profile.

If we want brutal honesty, this will scare people right out of my thread  ...
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/9KkQE80.jpg)

Those photos get deleted, never shared. The fact of my headache making me uncaring coupled with how good I feel about myself on the inside is the only reason I just posted it. It will most likely disappear when I come to my senses.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 20, 2019, 05:45:15 pm
<< Not scared out of Faiths thread

It is however possible that I will disappear if you come to your senses ;)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 20, 2019, 06:21:41 pm
<< Not scared out of Faiths thread

It is however possible that I will disappear if you come to your senses ;)

who said that?  ???
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 20, 2019, 09:52:42 pm
who said that?  ???

I guess i did.
Just trying to be funny.  Sorry if it wasn't.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 21, 2019, 06:28:39 am
I guess i did. ...

phew!  I thought I  might have been talking to myself.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on July 21, 2019, 10:01:21 am
You don't have to worry about that Faith. We're not letting you get away with anything ;) We're watching you!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 21, 2019, 10:22:44 am
You don't have to worry about that Faith. We're not letting you get away with anything ;) We're watching you!
(https://i.imgur.com/hOIIs6G.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: ChrissyRyan on July 21, 2019, 10:30:37 am
(https://i.imgur.com/hOIIs6G.jpg)


Is that Roz?

Chrissy

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 21, 2019, 10:33:11 am

Is that Roz?

Chrissy

yeah ... Always Watching ..................................................
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 22, 2019, 07:08:00 am
Do I still have a purpose here? Did I ever?

I first joined for me, I needed help and information and guidance - I got all that and more. Now I read 'safe' threads and rarely comment. I need safe since too many triggers exist. It's not the fault of any specific person or topic if someone gets distressed at some of them. To share your goals, fears, attainments, and stresses is what the forum is here for.

When I do comment it is usually not worded as I had intended. Others comment and say what I had meant say and in a much better way - better if I had not commented which makes me comment even less, make me want to delete my comment (which I have done). I get the 'new replies' message when I try to reply, words I would have tried to say yet said better so I don't post mine.

Members that I had related to the most have moved on. New goals, new friends, new life. Some still here yet their focus is elsewhere (that's not a bad thing). I feel ..... left behind, isolated. The goals that I have to reach for myself are not attainable, for various reasons. stagnation. I am half-way between who I was and who I want to be, who I know I am. I am not NB, I cannot thrive here.

I hide here in my own thread, I post and repeat myself. Oh, good mood. Ick, bad mood. Here's a photo, now it's gone. What's the point? What am I looking for? A pat on the back? A pity hug?

I have a sense of humor. I like to post funny comments, yet I can't. Most of the underlying themes are not conducive to humor, humor is detrimental. Along with that, if you always post humor it is always expected. I cannot do that. My humor changes by the minute or not there at all. I am not 'always on'. 'Always on' is too much work and clouds the real issues. I spent my life hiding behind humor.

I guess that leads to expectations. I am a thin reed. I cannot be leaned on. I cannot 'be there' for someone all the time. I can barely manage myself. I hesitate to lean on others since I cannot return the favor.

Yes, I'm rambling. I am typing my thoughts as they come into my head, unfiltered, unedited (except those darn typos). I don't have any specific thought or reason for typing this. Am I reaching out? What am I reaching for? I don't know myself. Maybe I'm just tired of searching.

I know that I am done typing for now, my thoughts are jumbled and clouded.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on July 22, 2019, 02:10:15 pm
Yes but the tipping help clear the head, (ok that's my funny bit) It helps to talk (type), get stuff out of the brain or it sits there rattling around and growing like a down hill snowball then the stress kicks in and the old he part surfaces ( well it does for me) so you end up feeling like <poo> again . Do something , I will say hobby but that's cuz I cant think of a better word, just something that makes you relax and lose you self in. Mine is music, playing the washboard, tambourine or drums.  Just a thought dear.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Laurie on July 22, 2019, 10:18:12 pm
 I can relate to some of your ramblings Faith. I feel lost here now.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 23, 2019, 10:14:01 am
Lost, yes. Untethered/ungrounded. Alone in a crowd. A friend ask me about that one, 'Alone in a Crowd' .. I said I couldn't properly describe it although I have tried to describe it before.  It's like being in a group of people with a similar interest yet, even though you are there, you are not included. You can interject, add your 2c yet, still, the conversation goes around you. The feeling that if you left the hole wouldn't even be noticed - worse, you didn't fill a hole in the first place.

no belonging



OK, I said I would post photos of what my gal friend brought back from Columbia. I can't get a photo of the tops yet. I can provide a photo of the more important gift.

(https://i.imgur.com/vM5ooQW.jpg)

YUM! No, it's not chocolate. Chocolate is overrated.

Many compliments on my outfit today so here's comes another photo. The choker is a bracelet given to me that, in my case, does double-duty :)

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/QOP946m.jpg)
Sorry, no convenient way to get a full body shot. I probably wouldn't share it if I could.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on July 23, 2019, 03:46:37 pm
You already have shown a full body shot Faith. Remember the purple outfit while standing next to a nice car? Go back a few pages. You'll find them. They looked good to me!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 23, 2019, 04:18:56 pm
You already have shown a full body shot Faith. Remember the purple outfit while standing next to a nice car? Go back a few pages. You'll find them. They looked good to me!

That was then, this is now.


ps. I deleted those photos
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 24, 2019, 07:13:38 am
I don't much feel like sharing yet I did promise a photo of the top that my gal friend bought for me. I was too lazy to blur the background.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/qLZNiPU.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 24, 2019, 08:05:09 am
Must confess that I am afraid to wear horizontal stripes.

You appear more slender though.

I think that top looks good on you Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on July 24, 2019, 09:01:34 am
That's a nice top, and you look good in it. Enjoy wearing it!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 25, 2019, 06:35:44 am
Thank you both.  Despite image misgivings here I am posting more. I'm a glutton for public punishment.
This is from today and the past two days.

(https://i.imgur.com/xECb5Hp.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/I0ph3Cz.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/ETiPHs0.jpg)
 (https://i.imgur.com/nWYPTnG.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/UjRpcOH.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/ORFd7pq.jpg)
 (https://i.imgur.com/bN143gv.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/r6odt9l.jpg)

look quick before they go away .. or look away before they sink in :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 25, 2019, 08:15:14 am
Killer wave in the three close stripe-top pictures.
Love the pants.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on July 25, 2019, 08:38:15 am
So awesome! Happy to see pictures of you again. You look great!

Hugs,

Sarah

Thank you both.  Despite image misgivings here I am posting more. I'm a glutton for public punishment.
This is from today and the past two days.

look quick before they go away .. or look away before they sink in :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 26, 2019, 05:55:22 am
Killer wave in the three close stripe-top pictures.
Love the pants.

thx, I love pulling my hair to one side. I don't do it often as a style though. I do it most when my neck is getting hot or I'm pulling my own hair with the chair that I'm sitting in :P  Most casual times, like at home, I pull it to the side and tie it behind one ear. An offset pony tail.

I love those pant too .. hippie at heart. Reminds me of some that I wore in my early years.

So awesome! Happy to see pictures of you again. You look great!
Hugs,
Sarah
HiYa Sarah, you big pain :)  Speaking of, I hope today brings a bit of release from your extended recovery.

Long story short, Yesterday I was helping a new'ish employee, who doesn't know me, print some docs. She's a mac user and we have PC's in this building. Once I got her settled she goes, "Thank you sweetheart". Maybe it was just me, the inflection sounded to me as woman to woman.

Nothing big to summarize. I'm having some struggles that I can't talk about on here. Despite my verbal torrents across two threads, there is a lot that I do not share publicly.

!!!!IT"s FRIDAY!!!!

ok, back to work
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 26, 2019, 08:41:25 am
start a new thread or share here .. hmm ..

I've often ponder what I looked like from behind/walking. The occasional postings here on Susan's have brought it up. Yesterday it hit me .. I'm half of the IT department, we have HD security cameras. -=DUH=-

So, I scrubbed through and found a simple clip of me walking away from the camera shared here for your amusement and/or critiquing.


This is an external vimeo link. The password is: susans
Code: [Select]
https://vimeo.com/350317224I used code so as not to create a hyperlink
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 26, 2019, 10:52:35 am
start a new thread or share here .. hmm ..

I've often ponder what I looked like from behind/walking. The occasional postings here on Susan's have brought it up. Yesterday it hit me .. I'm half of the IT department, we have HD security cameras. -=DUH=-

So, I scrubbed through and found a simple clip of me walking away from the camera shared here for your amusement and/or critiquing.


This is an external vimeo link. The password is: susans
Code: [Select]
https://vimeo.com/350317224I used code so as not to create a hyperlink
Hey lady, where you going?

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 26, 2019, 05:29:35 pm
Hey lady, where you going?

around the parking lot block .. gotta get my steps in.

Thx for looking and commenting. I guess no one else cares to look or say anything. Can't say as I blame them, it's not like I participate myself.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 26, 2019, 05:49:15 pm
Thx for looking and commenting. I guess no one else cares to look or say anything. Can't say as I blame them, it's not like I participate myself.
hmmmm. Well I'm not having luck with it. Maybe its my phone or lack of tech savvy. Are you supposed to click it and enter the password? 
Glad there's no blame!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 26, 2019, 07:21:46 pm
You're wearing your cool pants!
I think you and I walk similar.  Although I'm usuallygoing by reflections in windows when I'm walking by on the street and can see myself and adjust.  Not quite the cold heartless security cam, which seems like a really powerful tool Faith!
Like you're doing here, I like to let one arm swing free a little when I walk.  Because I see plenty of women walk that way and I like it.
I'm trying to keep arms and wrists loose, elbows in, shoulders back, and head up more straight. When walking or otherwise.

Thx for sending me the link
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 27, 2019, 05:59:54 am
around the parking lot block .. gotta get my steps in.

Thx for looking and commenting. I guess no one else cares to look or say anything. Can't say as I blame them, it's not like I participate myself.
We're  a lazy bunch.  Copy/paste the code into a browser window and enter a password is too much work for some.

Comment was just that I saw a lady taking a walk.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 27, 2019, 06:33:18 am
Comment was just that I saw a lady taking a walk.

I gathered that, thanks for clarifying though :) I hadn't had occasion to see myself from behind and I was curious. When I walk it feels right, I feel like me. It's not that I try to walk that way I just relaxed and let my body walk the way it's always wanted to. I spent many many years trying not to walk like that. I was looking for feedback elsewhere so thx again for commenting.

Quote
We're  a lazy bunch.  Copy/paste the code into a browser window and enter a password is too much work for some.

I do when it's someone I care about and follow. It doesn't matter. it's about time for me to fade away anyways.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 27, 2019, 08:59:55 am
We're  a lazy bunch.  Copy/paste the code into a browser window and enter a password is too much work for some.
Just figured how to copy/paste on my new android phone
 Duh.
That was the big debacle for me
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Wendi on July 27, 2019, 09:25:23 am
Faith, you look great in those new photos.

I just watched the video and you look like a woman taking a walk. I could only wish I looked that good. :)

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 27, 2019, 09:29:02 am


I gathered that, thanks for clarifying though :) I hadn't had occasion to see myself from behind and I was curious. When I walk it feels right, I feel like me. It's not that I try to walk that way I just relaxed and let my body walk the way it's always wanted to. I spent many many years trying not to walk like that. I was looking for feedback elsewhere so thx again for commenting.

I do when it's someone I care about and follow. It doesn't matter. it's about time for me to fade away anyways.

Cool that you were able to see yourself.
If you saw what I did, you saw a lady in some cool pants walking away from the building.

Takes a little more time to view video. I'd venture a guess that some will come back to it. 

And back to the question in the original post of video, I've found that if you're looking for feedback, start a new thread. If you're posting for yourself, post on your own thread.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 27, 2019, 03:10:05 pm
And back to the question in the original post of video, I've found that if you're looking for feedback, start a new thread. If you're posting for yourself, post on your own thread.

I have trouble posting 'oo, look at me' posts. Same with the 'fabulous' thread. I rarely post and if I do I delete them soon. So, I do post for me and a bit of feedback doesn't hurt. Making a new topic just to get attention, not going to happen. If people have an interest in me they'll look here. They don't so that's that.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 27, 2019, 04:36:43 pm
I have to  apologise for some of my attitude. I tend to get this way at the end of the month into the beginning of the new month. Go figure.

Anyways, I was sitting at my daughter's in-laws for my granddaughter's 3rd birthday and took this  daily selfie.

Quote
(http://i.imgur.com/98EDd8T.jpg)

Darn top likes to flash the edge of my bra .. ah well ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Susan Baum on July 28, 2019, 04:05:25 pm
Darn top likes to flash the edge of my bra .. ah well ...
I think we all have a top or two like that.

I spent many many years trying not to walk like that.

The good news is that it looks like your efforts to un-learn walking in the right way have failed badly.
As for me, I would have ventured a bit further out from the box truck and splashed through the puddles and not given a hoot who saw me. The heck with my shoes!  ;D

Susan



Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 28, 2019, 05:01:08 pm

The good news is that it looks like your efforts to un-learn walking in the right way have failed badly.
As for me, I would have ventured a bit further out from the box truck and splashed through the puddles and not given a hoot who saw me. The heck with my shoes!  ;D

Susan

I assume that to mean I walk more girly than manly without trying .. that's ok by me. Like I said in the other thread, as long as I get "she walks like a guy" rather than "he walks like a girl" that's good enough.

I don't puddle splash. I'm more like a stick in the mud :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 29, 2019, 11:18:55 am
 A brief discussion with my wife about her brother came up. This is the brother-in-law completely opposed to who I am based on 'religious beliefs". Anyways, she had to drop some stuff off to them and, of course, talked a bit. I am not sure how much of it was about me (and I don't care).

 Two things came up though. His wife (whom also does not approve) commented on how dramatic my change has been, weight and looks. I assume they see some of my Facebook stuff which is open to public. Her brother is extremely angry with me. That's an odd one. It's not like we were best buds or spent loads of time together. Bunches of other emotions I can understand based on the 'sin and abomination' beliefs .. anger though? I don't get that one. Based on her comments it is not anger at 'being on one those' and married to his sister. It's anger directed right at me. I don't understand.


 I have a very tough struggle going on, it is not recent. I have no one to talk to about it, I cannot share it, it's tearing me up. I am lost and don't know what to do about it. This is as close as I can come to letting it out. It tells you nothing and helps me not one bit at all. It has me ready to curl up in a corner .. which I did last night for about 45 minutes. At least the tears dried before then.

Life is Grand and Sucks at the same time.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 29, 2019, 11:46:36 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
While I am not expecting that sharing my own very similar experiences (with my family, extended family, and old friends back home)  will help you feel better about all of this ...   I detailed my unfortunate experiences in my threads back at my Christmas holiday visit back home....  I too experience hostile attitudes and anger coming from those that I love, especially my immediate family and parents.  The only good news is that I live thousands of miles away and only see them perhaps once a year at the most.

You are very fortunate that you have a very supporting wife...   you need to count your blessings that Lori is on your side....

Oh, and your recent photos are wonderful.   Anytime you post photos of yourself I enjoy them as much as I can because you have a penchant to deleting them unexpectedly.

Thanks for posting... always feel free to vent... it does help!!!
HUGS and hugs,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on July 29, 2019, 09:45:46 pm
Faith, at first I wonder if your brother in law is being triggered by his own issues...and then I don't care...its just wrong.
Sucks he's got to direct hate and anger towards you for simply existing within his awareness, married to his sister.

I hope your very tough struggle that you cannot share doesn't completely eat you up and keep you down.
Sounds like an unbearable situation.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 30, 2019, 09:23:30 am
@Maddie .. hard to say. Neither I nor my wife care at this point. It is what it is and it's his problem.

@Danielle .. hostile relatives . ugh . Over all I have been lucky in that the very closest are supportive. I've read up on yours, of course, and still hope for things to improve for you.
 .... recent photos ... thank you! And speaking of, here's a few oddballs from this morning

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/CjxqA1w.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/eTwANJd.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/ZqxZ5VY.jpg)

waddayamean my photos disappear?  I don't know how that would happen ...  ::)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on July 30, 2019, 09:40:54 am
Faith, I love today's photos!  I see that mischievous smile in a couple of them.  Keep 'em wondering what you're up to.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 30, 2019, 09:53:25 am
Thank you Kathy. I swung from wanting to die yesterday to feeling pretty good today. I have yet to get a handle on my month cycle ... blah ..

Oh, and I forgot. Here's my 'normal' daily at my desk selfie.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/ccXqKS3.jpg)

lipstick goes on after coffee & snack. Unlike certain people that I won't mention, I prefer the edge of my cup to stay clean :D I still had my hair tucked back because I hate eating my hair with my snack :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on July 30, 2019, 01:26:09 pm
Looking lovely dear, let her loose -----------
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 31, 2019, 08:16:53 am
Looking lovely dear, let her loose -----------

consistent posing for the best possible photo. I wish the 'live view' was as good. Thank you though :)



I am really stressing over certain things in my life. I don't know which way to turn. I feel like a balloon set loose in a storm, or a small boat on turbulent seas. My chest literally hurts.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 31, 2019, 08:19:10 am
Nice set of pictures, Faith.

I'm in the middle on the lipstick thing. I don't mind seeing mine on a cup if its not one I have to wash .  Also means I either need to reapply it or I used too much. I've been using the "all day" type mostly.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Wendi on July 31, 2019, 09:44:34 am
consistent posing for the best possible photo. I wish the 'live view' was as good. Thank you though :)



I am really stressing over certain things in my life. I don't know which way to turn. I feel like a balloon set loose in a storm, or a small boat on turbulent seas. My chest literally hurts.
Faith, If you're getting chest pains please go see a cardiologist. I've had a heart attack and stress is over of the worst things for hearts. It'd be worth the piece of mind to go get checked out.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on July 31, 2019, 03:33:48 pm
Faith, If you're getting chest pains please go see a cardiologist. I've had a heart attack and stress is over of the worst things for hearts. It'd be worth the piece of mind to go get checked out.


that would solve a lot of problems and resolve a lot of issues
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on July 31, 2019, 05:43:46 pm
If you're talking about a heart attack, stop that right now.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 01, 2019, 06:07:34 am
If you're talking about a heart attack, stop that right now.

Truth is, Tonya, is that I think of having an 'accident' almost every day. Suicidal I am not, I could never. Still, if something were to happen I think I would almost welcome it. It's like other things though, you don't know your reaction until you encounter it. Would I fight? or just fade away? Fading away sounds so comforting right now. I'm tired of fighting.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 01, 2019, 07:21:45 pm
Faith, is this because of the major stressor that cannot be shared? Have you shared it with anyone? Did you mean just not on the internet?
In any case, the physical symptoms and pain is concerning,  Your words read like you're resigned to it though.

You mentioned having a lousy 10 days coming this month. Hoping day 11 comes quickly for you.



Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sonja on August 01, 2019, 07:22:17 pm
I have to  apologise for some of my attitude. I tend to get this way at the end of the month into the beginning of the new month. Go figure.

Anyways, I was sitting at my daughter's in-laws for my granddaughter's 3rd birthday and took this  daily selfie.

Darn top likes to flash the edge of my bra .. ah well ...
@Faith

........Beautiful!.......

Sonja
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 02, 2019, 12:08:00 am
Truth is, Tonya, is that I think of having an 'accident' almost every day. Suicidal I am not, I could never. Still, if something were to happen I think I would almost welcome it. It's like other things though, you don't know your reaction until you encounter it. Would I fight? or just fade away? Fading away sounds so comforting right now. I'm tired of fighting.
That's still not good. Please find someone you can talk to about this.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 02, 2019, 08:41:19 am
Faith, is this because of the major stressor that cannot be shared? Have you shared it with anyone? Did you mean just not on the internet?
In any case, the physical symptoms and pain is concerning,  Your words read like you're resigned to it though.

You mentioned having a lousy 10 days coming this month. Hoping day 11 comes quickly for you.

I have a monthly cycle that exacerbates the issues. Thus the '10 day cycle' that is sometimes longer. I do have a couple people close to me (not physically) that know what I am going through. Nothing anyone can do except to commiserate.

@Faith

........Beautiful!.......

Sonja
:) thank you again Sonya :)

That's still not good. Please find someone you can talk to about this.

Thoughts of welcoming getting hit by a truck is not the same as wanting to step in front of one. I'll get through it.



On a positive note  B♭  Ok, maybe it's not a positive note  :-\
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on August 02, 2019, 08:55:18 am
Hi Faith,

It strikes me that depression at some level at some time is a common part of the trans package deal.  Please make sure that you're getting the right level of care to check that out and treat it if needed. (And maybe you are.  I don't know, and please accept my apologies if I'm stepping over a line.) Trust me, the truck is not your friend in any way, shape or form.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 02, 2019, 09:27:24 am
no, no therapy visits. No funding. I do 'Susan's Therapy' until it gets too bad, then I delete my photos, then I hide for a while, then I come back and start all over.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on August 02, 2019, 09:48:50 am
On a positive note  B♭  Ok, maybe it's not a positive note  :-\

Look at it as A # instead, in fact and why not add a 9th for color.

C - (9th of A #  :D)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 05, 2019, 06:54:46 am
Continued depressed state *sigh*  I can sum up my thoughts a little: It's like I am fighting something in my head and losing the battle ... I feel so ugly today.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 05, 2019, 07:44:23 am
I was pondering sharing today's selfies. Then again, I think that I am successfully hiding my mood .. at least visually.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/ZEwg32o.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/L4Xn18e.jpg)

At least the photos tend to smooth out the ugly.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on August 05, 2019, 07:59:27 am
good morning Faith, I like the photo presented on the right, very nice  :) What ever is going on inside, have no idea.

Hope you have a fab week

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 05, 2019, 09:16:10 am
Looking good.  Like the hair in the face look.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 05, 2019, 09:40:34 am
Good morning Faith.  I hope you feel better sooner than later.  I must say the latest photos you've posted do not hide that you are a woman.  You wear it well.  (There ain't a lady in the land so fine)

Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: kaygee on August 05, 2019, 09:51:02 am
Continued depressed state *sigh*  I can sum up my thoughts a little: It's like I am fighting something in my head and losing the battle ... I feel so ugly today.

Faith… you are not ugly. I trust that you recognize that you are a woman. And that is beautiful.🌹



no, no therapy visits. No funding. I do 'Susan's Therapy' until it gets too bad, then I delete my photos, then I hide for a while, then I come back and start all over.

Are there any mental health clinics in your area?
Here in VA we have the Virginia Department of Health, with offices throughout the state, and counseling is included. Worth looking into, methinks.
Also, Medicare, if you're there yet, covers psychoanalysis.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 05, 2019, 10:21:04 am
@Cynthia; @Tonya; @Judi
Thank you all. It's easier for me to see now as well, photo, mirror, random window reflections. Something amiss in my head. I feel undesired and ugly.


Faith… you are not ugly. I trust that you recognize that you are a woman. And that is beautiful.



Are there any mental health clinics in your area?
Here in VA we have the Virginia Department of Health, with offices throughout the state, and counseling is included. Worth looking into, methinks.
Also, Medicare, if you're there yet, covers psychoanalysis.


Everyone here is beautiful. Nothing is more beautiful than becoming yourself .. unless you're a conceited egotistical jerk, in which case STOP IT!  :D

Work offers private mental health sessions free to employees. I forget how many a year. I am hesitant to try them as it is extremely unlikely that they are trained in gender related issues. I'd likely find one that thinks it's due to fighting against my natural physical truth. I've met people that cannot believe that mental truth is the right path as opposed to conforming to the physical.

my head hurts
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 05, 2019, 10:54:23 am
I tried to smile :(

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/yLA1YQX.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on August 05, 2019, 12:54:51 pm
There's the smile I was looking for. A lovely smile Faith. Your looking great hun!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on August 05, 2019, 03:05:16 pm
I want to come and give you a big hug, damn ditch in the way . Looking lovely as usual and that's a SMILE XXXXX
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sonja on August 05, 2019, 06:56:04 pm
I was pondering sharing today's selfies. Then again, I think that I am successfully hiding my mood .. at least visually.

At least the photos tend to smooth out the ugly.
@Faith

I adore the photo on the left - which you're using for your avatar photo too.

You are way too hard on yourself - THIS is a FABULOUS PHOTO!!

Beautiful.

Sonja.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 06, 2019, 10:10:02 am
There's the smile I was looking for. A lovely smile Faith. Your looking great hun!
thank you .. forced smile though :( I need a camera drone that follows me around as interact with others. It's then that you'd see the real thing.

I want to come and give you a big hug, damn ditch in the way . Looking lovely as usual and that's a SMILE XXXXX
I'd meet you half way except I don't like getting my feet wet. Based on some of your posts, I'd like to spend an evening out with you. It sounds like it would be most memorable :)  too any people too far away :(

@Faith

I adore the photo on the left - which you're using for your avatar photo too.

You are way too hard on yourself - THIS is a FABULOUS PHOTO!!

Beautiful.

Sonja.

The one on the left, me too. That's why it's my avatar, for now. I can't call myself fabulous, however, it is a nice photo.
Too hard on myself? No, I don't think so. I've seen myself bare-faced in normal lighting. I'm a scary looking old man with boobettes.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 07, 2019, 08:27:44 am
Another day, another <poo> day at work.

Department email came through. Apparently 'leisure time' is being spent with other people and that's a big no-no. We must work work work. No breaks except for out allotted 30 min lunch - no socializing at all.

Very typical of the "Do as I say, Not as I do" mentalities. Managers spend more 'off time on work hours' than anyone else I've seen .. including my immediate boss who sent the email.

I need a new job.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 07, 2019, 10:00:17 am
Speaking of work .. Yesterday I was busy, pre-<poor> email, and didn't make it next door to say good morning. two of the gals there came over to my desk to check on me and brought these:

(https://i.imgur.com/cNwM8X6m.jpg)

Yeah, they are store-bought. Still, one of them took the time to stop at Publix specifically to buy me cookies and they both opted to deliver them to me.

I think my friend circle is growing, at least it would if work wasn't so archaic in business practices.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sarah1972 on August 07, 2019, 10:31:16 am
I never mentioned how much I like your new profile picture Faith :-) You look so great in it. Even though you claim it is a forced smile.

So sorry to hear about the stupid work email. We went through a phase like this... No more direct flights, have to take layovers even if it adds up to 6 hours to a 90-minute trip. Have to work on the plane... but we have to travel on weekends and after hours. Now try to open a large work laptop in economy class... They managed to ruin the entire work culture and now they are paying for expensive consultants to fix it. Guess what? They just dig up what they did 6 years ago...

It is very frustrating, work is such a large part in our day and some simple measures make people happy at work. A few minutes of social time actually increase productivity more than they take away from it.

Unfortunately most managers these days only understand excel sheets and charts and do not have any social skills.

Stay strong!

Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 07, 2019, 10:46:53 am
Hey Sarah!!

thank you. Unfortunately, I do have to force a smile in almost all my selfies. My general mood takes over and the smile goes away. I do smile a lot when talking to others and I am distracted from my internal struggles. Now, due to work mandate, I'll be spending more time at my desk, or walking the parking lot, brooding .. alone.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on August 07, 2019, 12:43:52 pm
Another day, another <poo> day at work.

Department email came through. Apparently 'leisure time' is being spent with other people and that's a big no-no. We must work work work. No breaks except for out allotted 30 min lunch - no socializing at all.

Very typical of the "Do as I say, Not as I do" mentalities. Managers spend more 'off time on work hours' than anyone else I've seen .. including my immediate boss who sent the email.

I need a new job.

Argh!  "All leave is cancelled until morale improves."  Typical bureaucratic shortsightedness and managers who aren't leaders.  Sorry you have to put up with that.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Dena on August 07, 2019, 05:09:54 pm
Fortunately my last boss never complained about break time. Sometimes when I ran into a problem, pounding my head on the wall just wouldn't knock that answer loose. I would get up, go to the bathroom, look out the window, clear my head then go back and solve the problem. Sometimes you need to break the loop that your mind is in so you find that alternative that you weren't seeing before.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 08, 2019, 06:46:33 am
I can get up and walk 10-15 minutes around the parking lot and nothing said other than some "how was the walk?" "Getting your steps?" "Is it hot out?" but whoa! don't let me stop and actually talk to anyone, then it's leisure time and I am wasting company hours. I think it's time to start charging every time my phone alerts wake me up at night. I have to check my phone to make sure it's not serious and then try to get back to sleep asap.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 08, 2019, 10:22:26 am
Photo inundation !!  My finger got stuck on the shutter, so, I'll share them all. These are after the ones I shared in the 'fabulous' thread (not sure whether to leave those yet or not). These have lip glop on since I finished my coffee & snacks. Oh, and my hair dried so I combed it a little.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/tuG5jrp.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/Wc7gMnS.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/4jTlfs6.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/k4ZrZJ0.jpg)

I am getting much better at looking at myself. It still requires a specific pose and make-up. The body issues, ugh, I still have serious body issues. I know it's a 'woman's body' since I am a woman and it's my body, still, it bothers the bejeebies out of me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 08, 2019, 11:52:03 am
Lip glop?  :D
Faith I think you do really well. My opinion may not mean much to you, but its the only one I can really share.
Hopefully your continued work at body images with photos will bring improvements to the way you view your body. 
I definitely am also trying to feel better about the way my look is going, and how I view my body proportions that are difficult to accept or change.  Trying to find a figure in here somewhere too.

Workplace BS sucks and your manager needs a voodoo doll.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 08, 2019, 12:09:51 pm
three things stand out about my face ..
1) big nose  - maybe get fixed if I ever get my deviated septum corrected.
2) wide chin - deal with it
3) that crease at the bridge of my nose - I can make it smooth but then I look like someone just goosed me O.O

yes, lip glop  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on August 08, 2019, 12:49:45 pm
🌸🌸🌸 You look beautiful Faith 🌸🌸🌸
I hope some day you look past any perceived imperfections you see...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 08, 2019, 02:07:27 pm
three things stand out about my face ..
1) big nose  - maybe get fixed if I ever get my deviated septum corrected.
2) wide chin - deal with it
3) that crease at the bridge of my nose - I can make it smooth but then I look like someone just goosed me O.O

yes, lip glop  ;D

@Faith
Dear Faith:
I loved looking at all the pictures that you just posted.... 
as you know, we are our own biggest critics... please try to get past that.
We all have imperfections but that is sometimes what makes us who we are as a unique person...

Again, you look great, thank you for sharing your photos... very nice!!!

HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on August 08, 2019, 03:37:20 pm
Looking lovely dear and the lip gloop looks great as well!!! Lack of break is one thing peeing me off, I have a test every 50 mins so finish one and start on next immediately . Then we have a staff member that takes a load of fag breaks and is on his phone a lot but nothing is said and he does bad work!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on August 08, 2019, 03:47:19 pm
I think your photos look great Faith.  There are many cis women who would swap with you.  You are fearsome hard on yourself, but  you don't have to be.  Spare a little of your love for yourself.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Dena on August 08, 2019, 06:44:16 pm
I think it's time to start charging every time my phone alerts wake me up at night. I have to check my phone to make sure it's not serious and then try to get back to sleep asap.
I know the feeling. We had a list with 3 people on it and it seemed I was always on the top of the list because the people before me didn't respond when paged. I think the 2-3am pages were the worst because it took half an hour before I was really awake and then it took another half hour before I could get to sleep again. Got to the point where I didn't worry about getting into work on time because I probably wouldn't be worth much until I was awake again.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 08, 2019, 06:58:46 pm
Quote
*** You look beautiful Faith ***
I hope some day you look past any perceived imperfections you see...
Dear Faith:
I loved looking at all the pictures that you just posted.... 
as you know, we are our own biggest critics... please try to get past that.
We all have imperfections but that is sometimes what makes us who we are as a unique person...

Again, you look great, thank you for sharing your photos... very nice!!!

HUGS,
Danielle

Looking lovely dear and the lip gloop looks great as well!!! Lack of break is one thing peeing me off, I have a test every 50 mins so finish one and start on next immediately . Then we have a staff member that takes a load of fag breaks and is on his phone a lot but nothing is said and he does bad work!!
I think your photos look great Faith.  There are many cis women who would swap with you.  You are fearsome hard on yourself, but  you don't have to be.  Spare a little of your love for yourself.


Thank you all.  I would like to point out, I do see the woman in my facial features most of the time now (with makeup!). My negatives are primarily the disgruntlement and displeasure that a lot of people have - features that they wish to improve. It is not a dysphoric distress, I just don't like them ;D


I know the feeling. We had a list with 3 people on it and it seemed I was always on the top of the list because the people before me didn't respond when paged. I think the 2-3am pages were the worst because it took half an hour before I was really awake and then it took another half hour before I could get to sleep again. Got to the point where I didn't worry about getting into work on time because I probably wouldn't be worth much until I was awake again.

oof, yes exactly!! Fortunately I weeded out the alert system from the previous IT person and now it only sends me critical IT alerts and the others to the proper department head. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop the 'phone call from overnight ID10-t' who is clueless on how to properly use a call list.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JanePlain on August 09, 2019, 01:55:51 pm
I'm sorry I haven't been active much and Faith I really wanted to say a couple of things.  Your really hard on yourself for your looks and I just don't understand why?  You look fab!

One thing that comes to mind and I'll only bring it up because I've some (cough) experience with a problem that might be the root.

Depression. Not the "oh this job/guy I work with/place is depressing" but the clinical kind.  I know your not keen on sitting down with a Therapist because they might not have any clue what your going through. I get that.  I'm kind of on the fence myself about how its hard to have a proper sit down with someone who doesn't have any experience or contacts with T Folk.  Hey!  I like "T Folk"!  Better then a lot of other terms I won't mention.

Anyway the depression thing is "medical" or clinical.  And while there are people who say that they do fine with talk therapy there are others who say it required meds to help them function.  I say do both and also do some type of excersize.  The 3 are the combo most likely to help people with the worst forms of depression.

If you have ANY ponderings that you might be fine if a truck happened to run over you this is (In my opinion) clearly time to talk to your doctor (And I'm your friend damn it so you better do this!!!) and talk to her/him about depression and maybe anxiety if that could be part of it. Assuming the Doctor suggests something that you for the love of God do it!  Report back regularly to your doctors office how its working (Because most of this stuff takes weeks to months to kick in) and promise me (us) your not going to accidently get run over etc.  I was going to PM you this but on the off chance anyone else is reading this and thinking "I wouldn't mind that bus hitting me" that they do what Aunt Jane tells them. 

If your not functional.  *Going to work and taking care of biz or more important taking care of yourself - eatting, sleeping, bathing etc seek help!  Talk to someone.  Preferably an expert. And btw this does NOT need to be a shrink.  Your GP should be perfectly capable of diagnosing and treating you.  She/he might suggest you see a PDoc for a tune up but you can always say "I would rather you did this"  *And assuming you do see a PDoc they are not like the TV shows.

So be good (to yourself)

You have a lot of people who love you here so unless I'm reading you 100% wrong make and appointment.  I should probably mention that this was huge for me and would be huge for me again if you get it checked out.

Oh! and chest pains.  I can't believe I didn't say this first but I'm reading posts in weird order today.  *Someone please operate my computer for me!!!  Anyway if your having chest pains this is call 911 time.  If your left arm goes numb etc.  If you get to a hospital quickly they can give you nitro and ??? and keep your heart from being screwed up.  Been there and thank God for my doc and her drill instructor nurses I'm ok.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 09, 2019, 07:26:37 pm

So be good (to yourself)

You have a lot of people who love you here so unless I'm reading you 100% wrong make an appointment.  I should probably mention that this was huge for me and would be huge for me again if you get it checked out.

YES YES YES.  Be good to yourself!  As the saying goes, "Don't compromse, you're all you've got."

YES YES YES.  A lot of people here do love you.  It may just be on the web for most of us but we've seen the person you are and there is lots there to like!

Hugs, Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 11, 2019, 07:42:25 pm
piecemeal reply. It's been a long weekend and I'm burned out.

Heart attack or related - nah. Anxiety - yes
Depression - yes. Drugs needed - I dunno. I do know the source of my depression trigger(s)
Suicide - no. Wishing I wasn't around sometimes/frequently - yes. Suicide is not in my vocabulary. The only reason I can type it is because my computer dictionary supports it.

Thank you for your concern and I do not take that concern lightly, however, not much any of us can do if I get hit by a truck, or similar same-result occurrence.

distraction, I concentrate on distraction.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 12, 2019, 08:12:35 am
Monday morning boy-mode day

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/aATvtYJ.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/1t9DXmt.jpg)

¿Happy? Monday
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 12, 2019, 11:08:04 am
If that's "boy mode" then I will state emphatically that there is no male there, just a women dressing ala mode!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on August 12, 2019, 11:41:11 am
So wheres the boy?? hiding behind white goods?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on August 12, 2019, 11:46:43 am
So wheres the boy?? hiding behind white goods?

Yes, I think the boy is behind the pretty lady.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 12, 2019, 01:30:34 pm
*sigh*

I should be saying thinks with a smile on my face. Why then do I feel so miserable? Why am I fighting back tears and suppressing the urge to delete all my photos?

I wish I could curse
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 13, 2019, 01:06:02 pm
mostly lurking, popping in to read PM's. I figured that while I was here I'd recount an incident that happened today.

  We have an entry door to our work area, windowless. Inevitably someone wants to enter at the same time one is leaving. The door opens in so the one on the inside has to be ready to jump back or get smacked by the door. The person entering should open slower, yet, one gets thinking about things and you hurry and, well, smacks happen.
  I was on my way out, just reaching for the handle when a male co-worker open the door quickly. I didn't get hit (I pay attention), still my fingers made noise on the handle just before I pulled back.
  Now, this coworker is not one that I would put on the 'accepting' list - tolerant disagreement at most. So it came as quite a surprise to me when he lightly put his fingers on my shoulder, said "Oh, sorry" quite softly, deferentially even, and stepped out of the way.

It is not what happens when two guys meet at the door.

that's it. I now return myself to my irregularly scheduled depression
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on August 13, 2019, 01:34:19 pm
mostly lurking, popping in to read PM's. I figured that while I was here I'd recount an incident that happened today.

  We have an entry door to our work area, windowless. Inevitably someone wants to enter at the same time one is leaving. The door opens in so the one on the inside has to be ready to jump back or get smacked by the door. The person entering should open slower, yet, one gets thinking about things and you hurry and, well, smacks happen.
  I was on my way out, just reaching for the handle when a male co-worker open the door quickly. I didn't get hit (I pay attention), still my fingers made noise on the handle just before I pulled back.
  Now, this coworker is not one that I would put on the 'accepting' list - tolerant disagreement at most. So it came as quite a surprise to me when he lightly put his fingers on my shoulder, said "Oh, sorry" quite softly, deferentially even, and stepped out of the way.

It is not what happens when two guys meet at the door.

that's it. I now return myself to my irregularly scheduled depression

That should buoy you above any depression for days or weeks!

Big hugs 🌸🌸🌸
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 13, 2019, 03:21:50 pm
That should buoy you above any depression for days or weeks!

Big hugs

and right after that I updated my FB image. Many likes about how I look like my Mom. My sister posted side-by-side photos with the caption: "My Mom and my sister, Faith! Wow! Can you see the resemblance? Both beautiful ladies.. " to which my uncle, my mom's youngest brother, replied, "<nonsense>"

I hid the comment on my timeline, my sister removed it altogether. Although he isn't on my friend's list I blocked him. He never would be on my friends, I don't consider him family .. huge bigot.  I laughed (at him) many years ago when his daughter hooked up with a black? colored? person. I can't say African-american, I don't know if his ancestry is African. What is the correct nomenclature now? I never really think about it.  Anyways, he totally went off the deep end.

ps, sorry for the cuss word mods, simply making a quote.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 13, 2019, 11:19:30 pm
and right after that I updated my FB image. Many likes about how I look like my Mom. My sister posted side-by-side photos with the caption: "My Mom and my sister, Faith! Wow! Can you see the resemblance? Both beautiful ladies.. " to which my uncle, my mom's youngest brother, replied, "<nonsense>"

Nice thing your sister did!

Uncle sounds like a real ashtray
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 14, 2019, 06:30:03 am
Nice thing your sister did!

Uncle sounds like a real ashtray

yes, to both

I changed my FB image because I also thought that I looked like my Mom, I did not make a comment though. It was very validating to have other family members comment on the resemblance.

mood bounce day. I don't feel too badly today except body image is kicking me.
Quote
   crooked stance, forced smile
(https://i.imgur.com/Qc5LFkj.jpg)

   looks like I'm about to cry (I'm not)
   *man hands* ugh
(https://i.imgur.com/G8HB9rT.jpg)

   nifty close-up .. well, I thought it was at the time
(https://i.imgur.com/ryNBG9n.jpg)

   not so composed daily selfie
(https://i.imgur.com/0F6m4E1.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 15, 2019, 09:07:46 am
Like the way that top wears on you in the crooked stance.  Nice earrings!  Your hair always looks good and subtly different, like having it back a little like you have in these pics.

I like bringing my hair back a bit sometimes , and usually hate how it makes me look in photos.  But you look good.  And I don't hate you for being beautiful ;)

Your comment about man hands made me have to zoom in to try and figure out what you meant.  If you have them, then I must have man hands too, I had better pick up some lotion or something


Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 15, 2019, 09:52:35 am
Like the way that top wears on you in the crooked stance.  Nice earrings!  Your hair always looks good and subtly different, like having it back a little like you have in these pics.

I like bringing my hair back a bit sometimes , and usually hate how it makes me look in photos.  But you look good.  And I don't hate you for being beautiful ;)

Your comment about man hands made me have to zoom in to try and figure out what you meant.  If you have them, then I must have man hands too, I had better pick up some lotion or something
hands - large and vein-filled.

Those earrings were the first pair I ever bought for myself. I didn't even have pierced ears yet. I had to use clip-on adapters.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 16, 2019, 01:20:10 pm
What an odd day of bouncing up and down from feel good, to distressed, to anxious, to down, back to good, .. in no particular order. Throw in some more if you can think of them

I need a drink
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on August 16, 2019, 02:49:10 pm
What an odd day of bouncing up and down from feel good, to distressed, to anxious, to down, back to good, .. in no particular order. Throw in some more if you can think of them

I need a drink

Cheers 🥂
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 16, 2019, 03:37:54 pm
Cheers 🥂

I'll take it. Time to head over to Maddie's garden and get some of that whiskey as well
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 16, 2019, 04:15:13 pm




I need a drink

I need 10

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 17, 2019, 09:29:07 pm
Whiskey's in the jar
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 17, 2019, 09:40:10 pm
Whiskey's in the jar
Heard a band play that in the Irish Pub when walking through the New York, New York casino in Vegas.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 17, 2019, 10:06:10 pm
Heard a band play that in the Irish Pub when walking through the New York, New York casino in Vegas.


I just called NY NY...
And they said the band is still there, playing that song

Wack fo my daddy O....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 19, 2019, 06:44:51 pm
I was going to make a 'fabulous' thread post but, too many truly fabulous in there. I'll stay in here where the only comparison is to myself.

I am just getting over a weekend of severe, curl in a ball, depression ... will it ever end? *sigh*

Due to Ashley's influence, I wore purple today. I like purple.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/YaC8IBL.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/rl15IEw.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on August 19, 2019, 07:49:34 pm
You look fabulous in purple, Faith.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on August 19, 2019, 08:05:49 pm
You look fabulous in purple, Faith.

Simply fabulous!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on August 19, 2019, 09:15:50 pm
Looking stunning Faith!  That is a very lovely top.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Angela H on August 19, 2019, 09:40:25 pm
I'm just going to echo everyone else and say that blouse looks amazing on you! You have great style.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 19, 2019, 11:07:59 pm

I'll use the f word too,  looking fabulous lady. 

Nice top.  Like the purple, a favorite colour of mine. 


Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 20, 2019, 06:48:09 am
Thank you ladies. I'll leave the F-word to you, I can't use it.

In the spirit of getting over my depression, at least for a few days, I dressed up again. My photos remind me that I put on 10 lbs *sigh* I have to get rid of it so that I have a waist again.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/7AlqLqR.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/7zNoOVc.jpg)

I really need a better backdrop for my standing photo. I tried the stairwell but with the distance it was too dark.

I've been going back to the comparison photo that my sister posted on Facebook, one with me and my Mom side-by-side. I really like it. I'd share it here except my Mom isn't around anymore to give me permission. If you want to know what it looks like, check out my FB page.

It's too early to have much else to type out, unless you want to hear about my sweaty walk last night? No? I thought not.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on August 20, 2019, 07:42:06 am
Very nice Faith and good morning  :) :)

Cynthia -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 20, 2019, 07:49:04 am
Very nice Faith and good morning  :) :)

Cynthia -

thank you and good morning to you as well
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 20, 2019, 08:12:08 am
Thank you ladies. I'll leave the F-word to you, I can't use it.

In the spirit of getting over my depression, at least for a few days, I dressed up again. My photos remind me that I put on 10 lbs *sigh* I have to get rid of it so that I have a waist again.

I really need a better backdrop for my standing photo. I tried the stairwell but with the distance it was too dark.

I've been going back to the comparison photo that my sister posted on Facebook, one with me and my Mom side-by-side. I really like it. I'd share it here except my Mom isn't around anymore to give me permission. If you want to know what it looks like, check out my FB page.

It's too early to have much else to type out, unless you want to hear about my sweaty walk last night? No? I thought not.
While a nice background can enhance a photo, this isn't Twitter.  We're not analyzing the the background looking for stuff to <poo> on you about. 

You're looking quite fabulous again today.


Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 20, 2019, 08:27:05 am
While a nice background can enhance a photo, this isn't Twitter.  We're not analyzing the the background looking for stuff to <poo> on you about. 

You're not ??!!?? How will I know you care if you don't give me a hard time? DON'T PATRONIZE ME
;D ;D ;D  <<-- so you know that I am not serious :P

Quote
You're looking quite fabulous again today.
ty  :-*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 20, 2019, 07:26:57 pm
You're looking great darling!  I like it, very fashionable. 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 21, 2019, 11:46:25 am
Thank you ladies. I'll leave the F-word to you, I can't use it.

In the spirit of getting over my depression, at least for a few days, I dressed up again. My photos remind me that I put on 10 lbs *sigh* I have to get rid of it so that I have a waist again.

I really need a better backdrop for my standing photo. I tried the stairwell but with the distance it was too dark.

I've been going back to the comparison photo that my sister posted on Facebook, one with me and my Mom side-by-side. I really like it. I'd share it here except my Mom isn't around anymore to give me permission. If you want to know what it looks like, check out my FB page.

It's too early to have much else to type out, unless you want to hear about my sweaty walk last night? No? I thought not.

Nice outfit Faith!

Maybe you could drag the plant around with you everywhere (on a skateboard or something) so you always have a nice foliated backdrop ;)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on August 21, 2019, 12:04:42 pm
I will use the W word, wonderful Faith.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 21, 2019, 01:17:08 pm
Thanks everyone. I still have self-image issues. One would think that by now after all the positive feedback that I get, online and not, that I'd be over it by now. But no, my self-confidence still sucks.

I'd post a daily except I am mobile and imgur no longer allows login from mobile devices unless you use their <poor> app, which I refuse to use. I don't have an alternative hosting site yet

We are at Johns Hopkins All Children's Hospital in St Pete. My granddaughter (age 3) is getting cochlear implants put in.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 21, 2019, 02:45:50 pm
@Faith:
Dear Faith:
I trust that your young granddaughter's medical procedure goes as planned.   Please keep us updated if you are able.

What? ???   You still have self-image issues even after recently posting those beautiful pictures of yourself? ???
Really, you look great in your red top and black skirt... and how you look in your first picture (the closeup) is undeniably beautiful.... please believe what your followers like me are saying.... it's true, it's true.


Regarding Imgur, I do not use the <poor> Imgur phone app either but on
your phone (Apple) you can  "Request  Desktop Site"  by briefly holding down
the refresh "circle" up to the right in the address bar.


Please believe me, you look beautiful!!!

HUGS, and best wishes,
Danielle


   
Thanks everyone. I still have self-image issues. One would think that by now after all the positive feedback that I get, online and not, that I'd be over it by now. But no, my self-confidence still sucks.

I'd post a daily except I am mobile and imgur no longer allows login from mobile devices unless you use their <poor> app, which I refuse to use. I don't have an alternative hosting site yet

We are at Johns Hopkins All Children's Hospital in St Pete. My granddaughter (age 3) is getting cochlear implants put in.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 21, 2019, 02:58:23 pm
She's out of surgery now, first stage of post op. Dr said that hers is the easiest done in months, no hidden surprises.

As for imgur, I hadn't tried the desktop site option since I'd been told they broke that for mobiles as well. I just tried it for myself. A little klunky on a phone, it does work though.

Self image. Yeah. Remember, I see myself in many raw ways, not a made up and posing just right photo.

Here's the only today photo that I have, from the hospital cafeteria.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/P6ltT0m.jpg)


My age is showing 😡

@Faith:
Dear Faith:
I trust that your young granddaughter's medical procedure goes as planned.   Please keep us updated if you are able.

What???   You still have self-image issues even after recently posting those beautiful pictures of yourself. You look great in your red top and black skirt... and how you look in your first picture (the closeup) is undeniably beautiful.... please believe what your followers like me are saying.... it's true, it's true.


Regarding Imgur, I do not use the <poor> Imgur phone app either but on
your phone (Apple) you can  "Request  Desktop Site"  by briefly holding down
the refresh "circle" up to the right in the address bar.


Please believe me, you look beautiful!!!

HUGS, and best wishes,
Danielle


 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 21, 2019, 05:41:20 pm
Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/QEuwJcd.jpg)
One last photo from the hospital room before we leave.

Surgery went well. She's unhappy, that's to be expected.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sonja on August 21, 2019, 05:58:39 pm
@Faith

Hi Faith - I'm glad it went well, I see you're wearing my favourite top! - You look lovely XO

Sonja.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 21, 2019, 06:01:25 pm
Thank you Sonya 😊

One thing happened that was unexpected. Lori, the other grandma, and I had made it to the room before my granddaughter did. One of the nurses came in and said, "Oh, lots of grandma's in here"  😀
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on August 21, 2019, 07:01:47 pm
There you go Faith.  That is a lovely selfie and you are a natural.  Too bad you don't live close to me near San Francisco.  You could easily fit into our coffee group or another one where I nice woman looks just like you.  You wear you gray hair so well.  I color mine and it is about the same length.  Yours looks so healthy too.  Thanks for sharing.

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Anne Blake on August 21, 2019, 07:56:19 pm
Thank you Sonya 😊

One thing happened that was unexpected. Lori, the other grandma, and I had made it to the room before my granddaughter did. One of the nurses came in and said, "Oh, lots of grandma's in here"  😀

Faith, I just love the "Oh, lots of grandmas in here"! Welcome to the club. And I am happy to hear that your granddaughter came through the first part of surgery well, you and Lori must be relieved.

By the way, does anyone know how to get my avatar to be upright?

Tia Anne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 21, 2019, 09:05:55 pm
There you go Faith.  That is a lovely selfie and you are a natural.  Too bad you don't live close to me near San Francisco.  You could easily fit into our coffee group or another one where I nice woman looks just like you.  You wear you gray hair so well.  I color mine and it is about the same length.  Yours looks so healthy too.  Thanks for sharing.

Allie

Heya Allie, Thanks. I wish I could take some credit on the hair, lots of work, proper care, etc .. yeah, nope. Naturally thick and dark brown (almost black) in my younger years and then at the ripe old age of 17 the silvery gray started. All benefits of my Mom and heredity.  I'd love to meet with other people from the forums, ya'all live too far away!!

Faith, I just love the "Oh, lots of grandmas in here"! Welcome to the club. And I am happy to hear that your granddaughter came through the first part of surgery well, you and Lori must be relieved.

By the way, does anyone know how to get my avatar to be upright?

Tia Anne

Is that THE Tia Anne gracing my little ol' thread? Well hello Biker Chick.  ;) :D

We are relieved, not just Lori .. but I know what you meant.  It did feel good to hear the comment. Made me wonder if they thought about how there were three grandma's in there .. Lori must be the great-grandma!!  HAH!! .. shh, don't tell her that I said that.

As for you avatar. Stand on the wall and take the photo, silly.

seriously, it happens a lot. You need to rotate it in your favorite editor or on the hosting site that you use. I'm sure some over-zealous site staff type person can fix it for you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Dena on August 21, 2019, 09:42:20 pm
Tia, look in the email address that you have on your account. It's dated August 5, 8:06 pm.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 21, 2019, 10:03:10 pm
Faith, I just love the "Oh, lots of grandmas in here"! Welcome to the club. And I am happy to hear that your granddaughter came through the first part of surgery well, you and Lori must be relieved.

By the way, does anyone know how to get my avatar to be upright?

Tia Anne
@Anne Blake
Dear Tia Anne:
I am sending you a PM with your corrected upright Avatar photo that will be upright when you make it your Avatar photo.   
I can help you further if you need more assistance.
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 21, 2019, 11:14:06 pm
Thank you Sonya

One thing happened that was unexpected. Lori, the other grandma, and I had made it to the room before my granddaughter did. One of the nurses came in and said, "Oh, lots of grandma's in here" 
Would that be a gaggle of grandmas?

Glad to hear the little one is doing well.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 22, 2019, 11:57:05 am
Hope her recovery continues as well and easy as the procedure went.
Grandma :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 22, 2019, 03:50:14 pm
snipped:

Is that THE Tia Anne gracing my little ol' thread? Well hello Biker Chick.  ;) :D

As for you avatar. Stand on the wall and take the photo, silly.

seriously, it happens a lot. You need to rotate it in your favorite editor or on the hosting site that you use. I'm sure some over-zealous site staff type person can fix it for you.


@Faith            cc: @Anne Blake
Dear Faith....
  I "resemble" that remark!!!!

The truth is, that if you want something done, ask a busy person to do it! 
I am always eager and glad to help.

HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 22, 2019, 05:21:25 pm
snipped:
@Faith            cc: @Anne Blake
Dear Faith....
  I "resemble" that remark!!!!

The truth is, that if you want something done, ask a busy person to do it! 
I am always eager and glad to help.

HUGS,
Danielle


I'm shocked! I would never insinuate such a thing. I specifically stayed as generic as possible knowing that all the staff here perform duties and give aid with much zeal.

..
..
..

Hmm

Where's the 'innocently batting eyelashes' smiley ?
(https://media2.giphy.com/media/3oriO0me98uGDnWZnW/giphy.gif?cid=19f5b51ac951841665f81caea9bcb3b31bf1caa0362302b7&rid=giphy.gif)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 25, 2019, 05:46:07 pm
Depressed yesterday. Depressed today. I slept most of the day. Plan on sleeping some more.

Nothing more to add.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 25, 2019, 06:39:17 pm
Depressed yesterday. Depressed today. I slept most of the day. Plan on sleeping some more.

Nothing more to add.

@Faith
Dear Faith:

     Perhaps, cake, chocolate and ice cream will help   ;)

HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 25, 2019, 07:08:44 pm
Couple of cat pictures?(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190826/b6ce029318f3d0bf768daa66b7ff269f.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190826/ddb0e3d612d4877dd18c50191800d906.jpg)

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 26, 2019, 06:12:25 am
thanks .. if only it were that simple :(

I picked up a couple new items yesterday. This is Monday:
(https://i.imgur.com/DjSqQdJ.jpg)

This was Sunday, trying the other one on:
(https://i.imgur.com/CVBkuPJ.jpg)
minimal makeup, look at all those blemishes .. ugh ..
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 26, 2019, 06:56:45 am
I know aint that easy but hopefully you got a smile out of the kitties. Wasn't able to upload the baby goats gif.

New tops look nice, as do you.  Yes I've seen the f word thread so know that today's is more than just a top. 



Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 26, 2019, 05:26:14 pm
(https://i.imgur.com/Kx50dBP.jpg)

The picture on my calendar this month.  Reminds me of someone...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 27, 2019, 07:19:10 am
(https://i.imgur.com/Kx50dBP.jpg)

The picture on my calendar this month.  Reminds me of someone...

WoT

?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 27, 2019, 08:55:52 am
I have that saying, with a different graphic, on a racer-back tee shirt I bought when I started yoga a year ago.  Not a phase, in deed!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 27, 2019, 04:48:33 pm
WoT

?
I'm sorry but I don't know what WoT means.

Just thought the pretty cartoon girl looked like you.
And that you might like it.

There are 13 on my calendar, and I don't look like any of them
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 27, 2019, 06:46:04 pm
I have that saying, with a different graphic, on a racer-back tee shirt I bought when I started yoga a year ago.  Not a phase, in deed!!

I think that I am past the "it's a phase" possibility

I'm sorry but I don't know what WoT means.

Just thought the pretty cartoon girl looked like you.
And that you might like it.

There are 13 on my calendar, and I don't look like any of them


I knew what you meant ... I was trying to be silly. Thanks though :). I do have uncontrollable hair. She looks a lot more feminine than I do, I think.

WoT -  Wheel of Time, book series. Although nothing to do with the moon or phases.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on August 27, 2019, 07:11:31 pm
Wheel of Time.  Cool  :) 
With all my visits to the library for the net, I should really make reading a fundament.

There's a different sassy phrase every month on my witchy woman calendar.
Next month's is
"My crystal ball tells me that you are full of sh#t"

I have that saying, with a different graphic, on a racer-back tee shirt I bought when I started yoga a year ago.  Not a phase, in deed!!
Glad I didn't buy a shirt when I did yoga.  I went to 10 classes and stopped when I moved.  Apparently it was just a phase ;) Hope the healthy breathing and stretching are going good for you Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on August 27, 2019, 07:19:01 pm
WoT -  Wheel of Time, book series. Although nothing to do with the moon or phases.

Oh. I thought it was “Wide Open Throttle.”


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 27, 2019, 07:26:43 pm


WoT

?




WoT -  Wheel of Time, book series. Although nothing to do with the moon or phases.



Oh. I thought it was “Wide Open Throttle.”


- Stephanie

It's not World of Tonya?

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on August 27, 2019, 07:28:10 pm
Or ... "Women on Top"
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 28, 2019, 07:35:30 am
WoT
:icon_blink: :icon_blink:
Wotever


odd morning, I don't know how I feel. Anyways, it's run around the building day so that means .. JEANS DAY

(https://i.imgur.com/MetpTsP.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/KID1d1s.jpg)

I'm not sure about the photo color balance, they look weird. Maybe it's just me ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 28, 2019, 08:00:59 am
Color balance is a bit over saturated but the photos are nice.  I see a smile peeking through!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on August 28, 2019, 09:19:36 am
Smile detected Faith  :)

Good morning from here.

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 28, 2019, 09:43:46 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
Aside from any of the photos technical issues, I think that you look terrific,.. 
....and I agree with @CynthiaAnn ....  "Smile Detected" 

Thank you for sharing and posting... and treating me and your followers to your beautiful photos.
HUGS,
Danielle

WoT
:icon_blink: :icon_blink:
Wotever


odd morning, I don't know how I feel. Anyways, it's run around the building day so that means .. JEANS DAY

(https://i.imgur.com/MetpTsP.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/KID1d1s.jpg)

I'm not sure about the photo color balance, they look weird. Maybe it's just me ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on August 28, 2019, 10:24:21 am
I concur! You look terrific Faith. A smile showing your pearly whites is even better hun.

Hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 28, 2019, 12:34:23 pm
Thank you all .. y'all? .. you'uns?

I'm really trying to see myself in a positive manner. So far I'm positive that I have problems looking at myself.  :P I really have issues with jeans day, throws me back to him mode. *sigh*

Right now I'm 'in the field' at a remote site. I'll try to post a photo. Biggest hurdle, Hispanic/Latino station. Lots of communication issues.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 28, 2019, 12:55:03 pm
(https://i.imgur.com/qUPsUwf.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/Ssls2sE.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/ZU7BGTI.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/XIYFU1E.jpg)

My tree horns are showing 😡😁

I tried to smile and my hair is still pulled back from lunch. I dislike eating my hair!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 28, 2019, 01:02:54 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
WOW, girl, you are treating all of us to another batch of beautiful pictures... and you are even smiling and showing your pearly whites..... and no worries, I think you look terrific in your "Jeans" photos!!!

Thank you for your mid-day treat for all of your followers

      ( it is still morning for me...  only 10:00AM)

HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on August 28, 2019, 03:12:44 pm
If the jeans look sets you back, maybe try some shorts, summer girl slack in different colors, or even a little tighter fitting jeans.  I hate my baggy jeans look when I was in male mode.  Now I have tighter fitting ones, tighter in the butt and thighs.  I love that look.  I also sometimes use slightly flared, boot cut jeans to help balance the look of broad shoulders, narrow hips and skinny legs.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 28, 2019, 03:31:29 pm
thank you for not commenting on my yogurt spot .. ick .. no one told me .. grr. sloppy lunch
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 28, 2019, 03:35:28 pm
thank you for not commenting on my yogurt spot .. ick .. no one told me .. grr. sloppy lunch
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I never saw it and I doubt that others will see it.... 
I was  concentrating on your beautiful smile and your lovely hair... 
I think that they are all great photos of you.
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 28, 2019, 03:38:59 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I never saw it and I doubt that others will see it.... 
I was  concentrating on your beautiful smile and your lovely hair... 
I think that they are all great photos of you.
HUGS,
Danielle


I'll go with that .. Thank You :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 28, 2019, 05:35:31 pm
Tree horns? Can't believe no one said "nice rack".

Looking ladylike even in the functional jeans. A girl's gotta work sometimes too.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 28, 2019, 05:36:20 pm
I'm really trying to see myself in a positive manner. So far I'm positive that I have problems looking at myself.  :P I really have issues with jeans day, throws me back to him mode. *sigh*

Try getting something a little more fitted with a bit of stretch.  They will do wonders for the psyche!  And they will look great on you. 

When I wear an old pair of loose jeans, if I'm out in my shop for instance, I feel totally out of place.  You can fix this! 

Hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 28, 2019, 06:28:25 pm
Oh, I have fitted and skinnies and stretch jeans. Unfortunately, when active at work they like to creep down and I have to pull them up. After a couple times of that my panties are pulled down loose and a certain discomfort occurs. I hate belts. just thought I'd cover that issue right off.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Rachel on August 28, 2019, 07:16:19 pm
Hi Faith,

I think the outdoor pick look great.

NY and Company has stretchy skinny jeans. A thin belt finishes the look. I picked up some nice tops at TJ Max. You have to check frequently to see what they get in. I take a medium in top but some have exposed tummy areas. You can try them on and see how they fit.

Rachel
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 29, 2019, 11:55:53 am
another day and .. nope, just another day.

I ate a huge muffin, Pumpkin spice .. so much for my diet.
Apparently the gals here all envy me my hair, I don't know why ....  ::) .... One new'ish' gal told me that the first thing she noticed was my hair and made an internalized disparaging thought - not serious though, based on envy with levity (levity with envy?).
This same gal just got engaged. I was the first one that she told and showed me the ring. :)
Also apparently, I am skinny ??? skinny? I need to lose 10 lbs!!

yeah, so, that sums up my day. I'll skip the piecing sinus pains and sneezing fits. No one needs to hear about those.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on August 29, 2019, 01:34:22 pm
Faith dear have you tried Olbas oil (that's if you can get it in US) its from Olbas plant and is a powerful decongestant, opens and clears the tubes . A few drops on a tissue or on the pillow at night works well. Skinny , yes they are  right  .
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 29, 2019, 06:08:21 pm
Faith dear have you tried Olbas oil (that's if you can get it in US) its from Olbas plant and is a powerful decongestant, opens and clears the tubes . A few drops on a tissue or on the pillow at night works well. Skinny , yes they are  right  .

I looked it up, it is sold locally. I'll give it a try. Thanks for the suggestion. Something has to work, j cannot take otc sinus meds.

Ok, I'm skinny .. skinny on the fat side or fat on the skinny side.



<poor> evening. I'm home alone trying to read for distraction. My TV is running a slideshow of photos. Every photo of me is old me. I don't have an issue seeing them honestly, the problem is photos of Lori and I together as a couple. He is gone, us as a true couple is gone. I'm drifting from distraction to depression to almost tears back to distraction.  💔 🥺😢
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 29, 2019, 07:17:18 pm
September 2017, My daughter's wedding. This old me all unaware of how much my life was going to change. In less than one month, in October, the trans bomb would go off in my head.

(https://i.imgur.com/FvAwNKx.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/XPw0nAb.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 30, 2019, 07:53:50 am
wore my new top. I seem to be having trouble with the color balance. I wonder if they changed the lighting in the stairwell?

(https://i.imgur.com/ga3eFv2.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/GRp25hp.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/B1NnDuM.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/HyHwO8R.jpg)

that's it, nothing new. Still feeling <poor>.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 30, 2019, 08:12:27 am
As Fernado used to say, "Its better to look good than to feel good, and you look mah-levous"

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on August 30, 2019, 08:24:27 am
Colour balance or not, you look great, Faith!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 30, 2019, 08:58:35 am
Faith, looking at those older photos I don't see you at all.  That is a totally different person than you.  Just look at how he stands, not very ladylike. 

Love your new top.
 
Hugs, Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 30, 2019, 09:39:22 am
As Fernado used to say, "Its better to look good than to feel good, and you look mah-levous"

Colour balance or not, you look great, Faith!

Faith, looking at those older photos I don't see you at all.  That is a totally different person than you.  Just look at how he stands, not very ladylike. 

Love your new top.
 
Hugs, Judi

thank you ladies, very much! I am trying my best to boost my mood. That's one reason for the photos. Were I to allow my mood to take over I'd have deleted them all.

Judi, I was also ~217 lbs in those photos. I'm at 173 right now, I need to get back into the mid 160's. I put some weight back on while on vacation a few months back :(

I also don't associate with him when I look at the photos. I mean, I know it was me yet it isn't me. He did have the ladies chasing him though. He even got 'random stranger kisses' where they would say, "I couldn't help myself, I had to"  :o They were older ladies though, no impulse control left .. live for the moment for tomorrow you may die. He also had music groupies. Apparently now, even though my voice is the same, it's not the same when coming out of my face  HAH ... I don't sing in public anymore.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Mary1 on August 30, 2019, 07:49:43 pm
As Fernado used to say, "Its better to look good than to feel good, and you look mah-levous"

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Dont agree with that quote at all...

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Mary1 on August 30, 2019, 07:50:58 pm
Dont agree with that quote at all...

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Meaning the better to look good the feel good part...

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 30, 2019, 08:13:24 pm
"I also don't associate with him when I look at the photos. I mean, I know it was me yet it isn't me."

I can relate to this wholeheartedly!  That train has left the station.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on August 30, 2019, 08:37:08 pm
Dont agree with that quote at all...

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It's a joke from a Billy Crystal character he did on Saturday Night Live. 

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on August 31, 2019, 07:03:41 am
now children, no fighting :P

Tonya, great looking photos in the f-word thread. I didn't reply there, too much noise, thought you might not hear me :)

Judi, yes it has definitely left. I wish I knew what I am now. I'm some sort of mixed up mess with no way forward.

Mary, welcome. Taken literally I don't agree with the quote either except .. it's where I am. I'm having huge internal struggles. External approbations is all that I have right now to ease the mental load.

I shared my above 'him' photos with a close work friend asking, "remember him?". She remembered. Her reply, "Grumpy John. The eyes have some resemblance but Faith is a beautiful woman. You don't look like him anymore  :-*"


dropped 3 lbs this week, wish I knew why. I'll take it though
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 31, 2019, 10:37:53 am
Three pounds!  Celebrate every success!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 01, 2019, 05:24:16 pm
My head is totally muggled, I can't think
My sinuses are burning, I don't want to get sick
Hair on my legs and arms are growing faster and more obvious
I have hair growing on my belly and low back again
TMI: certain morning stiffness has started to occur again.

I am not happy

this had better just be a last hurrah before HE gives up altogether.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on September 01, 2019, 05:28:59 pm
My head is totally muggled, I can't think
My sinuses are burning, I don't want to get sick
Hair on my legs and arms are growing faster and more obvious
I have hair growing on my belly and low back again
TMI: certain morning stiffness has started to occur again.

I am not happy

this had better just be a last hurrah before HE gives up altogether.

I totally get that.  The only time that has happened to me is when there was a change in my meds. 
Talk to your physician about this if you feel it’s warranted.
I hope you get back on an even keel soon.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 01, 2019, 06:58:47 pm
They took me off Spiro due to my kidney issues (eGFR ~38-42) and an apparent additional decrease in function. Mostly, they saw my potassium hit the high side of normal. I wasn't worried but the endo got scared. I am typically potassium low and I was previously on supplements. I felt all I needed to do was watch my intake .. nope, snatched the blocker away. He added finasteride instead of an alternative blocker.

My next batch of tests is only a few weeks away otherwise I'd be pushing for an earlier appointment
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jayne01 on September 01, 2019, 06:59:01 pm
Hi Faith,

I just spent the last couple of hours catching up on your thread. Sorry I’ve been away for so long, been dealing with some things of my own. I love all your recent photos. You look fantastic. You have a really good eye for style that suits you very well. That dark orange coloured top is one of my favourite colours and I think looks fabulous on you.

I’m so sorry to read that you are still battling with self image issues. It’s something that probably every woman on the planet experiences at some point (both cis and trans women). I personally think you are a very elegant lady who knows how to dress in a way that suits you perfectly.

Wish we didn’t live so far apart. It was great hanging out with you for a day back in April. Hopefully the stars will all align again some day so we can meet in person again.

Big hugs to you and to Lori,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 01, 2019, 07:10:42 pm
JAYNE !!!!  Welcome back stranger. Ok maybe strange, not a stranger ;D

You managed to get through my posting mess? I feel so bad for you right now. There must be better ways to spend your time. :P You know why I have image associated guilt .. guilt that taints my entire transition.

I'd love to get together again for a longer period of time .. some day it'll happen.

I looked in on your "I'm Back" post. I cannot read any further, once surgery comments get into how someone feels after, I cannot read it any more. I am very glad that you are happy with your procedure and it being the ultimate step for you.

Looking forward to more from you .. don't disappoint!! :)

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Rachel on September 01, 2019, 08:49:24 pm
Hi Faith,

Your pics look great. I can relate to the old rendition being grumpy. I was told that by a few different people. I can also relate the difficulty being in two worlds at the same time and the challenges it presents.

You are going through a lot and are holding up well. I too had a high potassium issue at one time and had to really watch what I ate. Finasteride (spiro for that matter)  and I did not do well together.

Have a great labor day.

Rachel
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on September 01, 2019, 11:34:19 pm
Hi Faith.  Thanks for posting the before pictures from your old life.  Your look has changed SO much since then.
Good luck getting back on track how you want to be feeling physically
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on September 02, 2019, 07:22:07 am
They took me off Spiro due to my kidney issues (eGFR ~38-42) and an apparent additional decrease in function. Mostly, they saw my potassium hit the high side of normal. I wasn't worried but the endo got scared. I am typically potassium low and I was previously on supplements. I felt all I needed to do was watch my intake .. nope, snatched the blocker away. He added finasteride instead of an alternative blocker.

My next batch of tests is only a few weeks away otherwise I'd be pushing for an earlier appointment
You take progesterone? I know you do the injectable estrogen and good evidence for that and progesterone to suppress testosterone. Could be an alternative to blocker if your T is high again. Ask about bicalutamide if you need to ad a blocker and they won't go with spiro.

Hope your stuffy head feels better. I hate that feeling.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on September 02, 2019, 07:46:09 am
You pulled your latest pic from the f word thread. I was going to make up a new word for that one.

Drabulous:
Looking good in ordinary clothes.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 02, 2019, 08:35:28 am
You take progesterone? I know you do the injectable estrogen and good evidence for that and progesterone to suppress testosterone. Could be an alternative to blocker if your T is high again. Ask about bicalutamide if you need to ad a blocker and they won't go with spiro.

Hope your stuffy head feels better. I hate that feeling.

Yes on progesterone. It's pill form and I have intestinal absorption issues so I am unsure that I am getting full effect from it. I tend to be borderline malnourished due to the issue. which also lends itself to belly bloating, *sigh*

sinus meds, ugh. no choice, had to take some.


You pulled your latest pic from the f word thread. I was going to make up a new word for that one.

Drabulous:
Looking good in ordinary clothes.

I couldn't leave my photo amongst the others that posted. I'm a comparative failure.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on September 02, 2019, 09:11:27 am


Yes on progesterone. It's pill form and I have intestinal absorption issues so I am unsure that I am getting full effect from it. I tend to be borderline malnourished due to the issue. which also lends itself to belly bloating, *sigh*

sinus meds, ugh. no choice, had to take some.


I couldn't leave my photo amongst the others that posted. I'm a comparative failure.

The micronized progesterone right?
I've heard you can use those pills rectally, though I'd ask about injectable.

They let me leave my pics on the fab thread, so you're fine there.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 02, 2019, 10:48:23 am

The micronized progesterone right?
I've heard you can use those pills rectally, though I'd ask about injectable.

They let me leave my pics on the fab thread, so you're fine there.

Micronised, yes. Rectally .. no!! :P


You looked fabulous, I looked meh
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on September 02, 2019, 03:33:33 pm
You never look meh only fab , not got the Olbas oil yet then???
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 02, 2019, 03:49:15 pm
You never look meh only fab , not got the Olbas oil yet then???

local peeps have to order it so I ordered it myself.

You only see what I'm willing to share, plenty of meh photos. Most certainly many that don't belong in the fab thread.
for example, this is the one that Tonya was referring to:

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/QEfUh56.jpg)

putter around the house day


ps
OWWWW

I must have tensed giving myself my shot tonight .. OWWWW some more
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on September 02, 2019, 10:25:05 pm
Owww

This photo is real and likeable.  I believe the Faith I see is who I would see in person doing real things.
I get that you might not want to strut your putter around the house look on a catwalk.

My favorite photos of myself are usually blurry
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on September 03, 2019, 10:42:36 am
All my photos are blurry , need a better phone!!!! Now all I see in that pic is a lady doing house work.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 04, 2019, 11:31:54 am
where am/was I? I started to make a dark post yesterday, got distracted by work, extra long day, saw my unposted reply that I had typed, deleted it - didn't feel like sharing anymore - vegged all evening, ignored life today, I am just now back on the webs .. or am I?

I did manage some daily photos. I also managed to not delete them all.

progress ... not making any
stuck ... sinking in the mud up to my chest, can't move

I recall a many times recurring dream that I had as a young'un, pre-teen, single-digit even I think. It was all symbolic. I never forgot it, never will.

I knew myself as a bunch of short sharp rock spikes unable to move. At the same time a large enveloping blob was continually rolling over me try to overwhelm me, smother me out. As is the norm in the oddness of dreams, although I couldn't move the big blob of goo never completely covered me yet was unrelenting in it's progress of swallowing me up.

There you have it. My upbeat and positive post of the day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on September 04, 2019, 06:56:07 pm
That sounds like an ugly horrible dream to have even once, much less over and over.

I'm dreaming that I'm sending you a fresh air tank so you can breathe!

And young Clint Eastwood piloting a black & white cinematic jet fighter in case the blob comes back
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 06, 2019, 08:30:01 am
Another Day, another mood swing. I think I need that on a T-shirt

It's Friday. I couldn't figure out what to wear so ended up mix-n-match. Sinus headache makes smiling hard to do, you can see it in my face.

Quote
(https://i.imgur.com/LyPPDBU.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/SWMiPKZ.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/B2lvFH1.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/EUK90St.jpg)

You can also see my fat belly. It's girl fat though, that's what counts!!

The first slacks that I tried today were a pair of skinny jeans, very bright and patterned .. um, well .. I managed to get them all the way up, no way I could zipper or button them. My thighs and butt are too fat. I wonder how that happened?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on September 06, 2019, 08:44:53 am
Another Day, another mood swing. I think I need that on a T-shirt


oscillation anticipation (oh wait this is not the 2 word game  :))

Like your current avatar pix Faith, and I can detect a hint of a smile in upper left pix presented today.

I hope you have a lovely weekend

Cynthia -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on September 06, 2019, 08:55:54 am
If your butt and thighs are fatter now, is this a good thing?? Or is it a bane, as it is for many women?
(As in the unanswerable "Does this make my butt look fat?" question). I ask because your statement on the post regarding the skinny jeans not fitting that way makes me want to cheer for you.
Btw Faith, you do not strike me as a fat person in any way, including your hands mentioned elsewhere..

Or maybe I'm just fat myself (ok, not "maybe"), so you appear thin to me :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maid Marion on September 06, 2019, 09:06:58 am
Most TGs consider a fatter butt and thighs to be a desirable effect of taking Estrogen, as it makes them look less top heavy. A new wardrobe is a necessary expense with successful HRT .  You can't expect your old tops to fit with bigger boobs.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 06, 2019, 09:35:51 am
I've been expecting (read waiting) for the redistribution to cause a wardrobe change. It's almost time. Right now I have to weed out the ones that were tight at the start of transition and donate them - I'll never fit them again.

I can see for myself some shape definition starting in my full body photos, still hoping for some more w/o looking overweight. I'll never lose my broad shoulders so a little more below the waist is welcome.

People still guess my weight low. I am 172 lbs as of this morning, people guess me at 150 and don't believe me when I say otherwise.

I wasn't sure how today was going to turn out .. I feel good.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on September 06, 2019, 11:22:08 am
If your butt and thighs are fatter now, is this a good thing?? Or is it a bane, as it is for many women?
(As in the unanswerable "Does this make my butt look fat?" question). I ask because your statement on the post regarding the skinny jeans not fitting that way makes me want to cheer for you.
Btw Faith, you do not strike me as a fat person in any way, including your hands mentioned elsewhere..

Or maybe I'm just fat myself (ok, not "maybe"), so you appear thin to me :)
It's a good thing up to the point you start asking if your butt looks fat.

I need the fatter butt and thighs. Losing weight meant not putting any on there.  I've got a few things that fit before because my gut stretched them out. Now I've got just a flabby skinny butt that doesn't fill them out properly.

Not to ignore you in your thread,

You do look a bit like something is bothering you in some of the pics, but looking nice and totally female otherwise.




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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 06, 2019, 11:58:06 am
yeah, sinus headache. It's even swelled up the bags under my eyes worse. At least they aren't black
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 09, 2019, 06:41:33 am
MISERABLE !!  Not mood, my sinuses + nasty headache .. ugh. Went to a friends house to grab some things, smokers bleecch. I need to emphasize that .. --==BLEEECCCHHHH==--.. It is their choice and, despite the addictive nature, it is a choice. Myself, I chose not to start. Anyways, it soaked into everything .. eeking .. I should have done a sinus flush last night.

Made it to the local support meeting Saturday. It wasn't bad overall. Several new faces that really contributed (well, they tried). My enjoyment of the meeting was lessened by the windy regulars that take the short intro time to expound on their entire life history and politics and religious bias. It took the entire two hours just to get through the intros and there wasn't that many people +-15. Intro is not discussion time, intro is Name, brief summary (transition time, hrt time, etc .. not mandatory, you can stop at your chosen name). Also to present a topic or personal issue you wish to have the group input about. Intro's should take about ~5 mins max. So, assuming my opinion is pertinent, 15*5 is about 75 minutes leaving ~45 minutes to discuss the preferred topics. That's 45 minutes that the long-winders used up and they do this at every meeting that I've been to.
  It may sound like I'm whining, and I probably am, I am likely not describing the situation clearly enough. It's not that the long-winders topics shouldn't be discussed it's just that most of their topic is something to discuss later in additional time or at another meeting specifically set aside for activism (yes, there is one).
  My point is, the topics mentioned in the intros where specific feedback was asked for was never received, there was no time left to discuss at all.

Anyways, the GET network that hosts the meeting are having a QA event. I think I am going to go and volunteer some time the be one of the 'answerers'. Only there to answer questions for the uncertain, the curious, the 'wanna know more and understand' crowd. I think that I've made it clear many times that I like answering. Plus, it's not like I need a topic or guide a discussion, I simply answer any questions that they have. The only limit in the answers is my personal comfort level. I can choose not to answer, obviously.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 09, 2019, 08:11:25 am
Today's Unofficial "You look Mediocre" topic post

(https://i.imgur.com/kjweDF9.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/Z8dEKMP.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 09, 2019, 09:53:23 am
You're killin' me!  No, No, you're right.  Do it over!!

Really I love the close up.  I have a similar top.  That looks good on you.

Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on September 09, 2019, 12:34:55 pm
You have the most beautiful hair and that close up is a killer.  Now, a little smile will put the sprinkles on the frosted cake.  Looking more than good!

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jayne01 on September 09, 2019, 03:17:39 pm
Hey Faith! Looking great girl! Love the top you’re wearing. Yes, I’m still here reading your thread.

Hugs,
Jayne
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 09, 2019, 03:22:39 pm
You're killin' me!  No, No, you're right.  Do it over!!

Really I love the close up.  I have a similar top.  That looks good on you.

Judi

I  can try a do-over tomorrow, maybe I'll get it right :D

You have the most beautiful hair and that close up is a killer.  Now, a little smile will put the sprinkles on the frosted cake.  Looking more than good!

Allie

Oh  No!! Not the hair again! I swear, I'm going to shave it off!! ... Yeah, no. I don't think so  :P I didn't mention in my previous post about the support group, I got the same/similar comment about my hair ... first thing

Smile? I have a little smile 🙂

HI JAYNE!!!!!!!! 😘😚
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on September 09, 2019, 08:28:24 pm
Yeah Faith the close up is killer.  Love the fringy short sleeves!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on September 10, 2019, 08:18:08 am
Today's Unofficial "You look Mediocre" topic post

(https://i.imgur.com/kjweDF9.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/Z8dEKMP.jpg)
Well your mediocre is looking pretty good Faith.  Enough of a smile in the close up to make that a keeper.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on September 10, 2019, 08:45:19 am
Obviously spell checker put mediocre instead of MEGGA 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 10, 2019, 09:02:27 am
Comments on my photos, nothing on my support group post .. I guess I'm just another pretty face .. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... hic .. snort ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 10, 2019, 09:27:32 am
Comments on my photos, nothing on my support group post .. I guess I'm just another pretty face .. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... hic .. snort ...

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Definitely.... a very pretty face!   
I always look forward to viewing your terrific photos... please keep them coming.


HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 11, 2019, 11:34:23 am
Dear Faith:
Definitely.... a very pretty face!   
I always look forward to viewing your terrific photos... please keep them coming.


HUGS,
Danielle


I don't know about that .. I'm fairly certain that your current avatar photo is due to seeing my photos.
:Holy Sheet!!  :o HAH!!

Not much going on today. Was supposed to have a dinner with a gal friend tonight, instead she's heading to the east cost of FL to stay with a friend. As long as she gets help with her depression I'm all for it.

Here's a couple of 'nothing special going on' photos .. oh wait, I mean .. Here's a couple more for the Unofficial "You look Mediocre" topic post


(https://i.imgur.com/GR736KB.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/yhj6121.jpg)

unadorned, no sparklies ..
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on September 11, 2019, 02:08:12 pm
Now, that is a wonderful color, pattern and fabric combination.  Very well done and that smile is perfect!

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on September 12, 2019, 08:49:23 am
I don't know about that .. I'm fairly certain that your current avatar photo is due to seeing my photos.
:Holy Sheet!!  :o HAH!!

Not much going on today. Was supposed to have a dinner with a gal friend tonight, instead she's heading to the east cost of FL to stay with a friend. As long as she gets help with her depression I'm all for it.

Here's a couple of 'nothing special going on' photos .. oh wait, I mean .. Here's a couple more for the Unofficial "You look Mediocre" topic post


(https://i.imgur.com/GR736KB.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/yhj6121.jpg)

unadorned, no sparklies ..
Don't always need sparkles to shine

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 12, 2019, 11:19:30 am
mentally rough day, plus my neck and shoulders hurt from too much desk time. Still, I managed a couple more photos.
I'm going to have to slow down on photo sharing I think. I certainly don't change that much from day to day. Maybe I should consider only once a month ..

(https://i.imgur.com/8H9uFBa.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/RebuWsa.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on September 12, 2019, 12:24:53 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I love your photos that you share with us, your dedicated followers!!!
Please don't slow down posting them for us all to enjoy.

You look terrific, I especially like your red top and black skirt, looks very good on you!!
Thank you for posting and sharing.
HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on September 13, 2019, 12:23:21 am
Beep beep.
Hi.
I also enjoy your photo updates Faith.
Hoping to find confidence to put some lighter and brighter colors on top, and look good like you do.
The red top looks great on your photo imo...
...Im afraid I would look like a big tomato with legs in that outfit.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on September 13, 2019, 06:55:52 am
mentally rough day, plus my neck and shoulders hurt from too much desk time. Still, I managed a couple more photos.
I'm going to have to slow down on photo sharing I think. I certainly don't change that much from day to day. Maybe I should consider only once a month ..

(https://i.imgur.com/8H9uFBa.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/RebuWsa.jpg)
That outfit is very nice and you look good there. Keep posting as often as you like.  I'd comment more but I can be a lazy b sometimes.

Beep beep.
Hi.
I also enjoy your photo updates Faith.
Hoping to find confidence to put some lighter and brighter colors on top, and look good like you do.
The red top looks great on your photo imo...
...Im afraid I would look like a big tomato with legs in that outfit.
Oh you would not.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 13, 2019, 07:23:21 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I love your photos that you share with us, your dedicated followers!!!
Please don't slow down posting them for us all to enjoy.

You look terrific, I especially like your red top and black skirt, looks very good on you!!
Thank you for posting and sharing.
HUGS,
Danielle


thank you Danielle but, enjoy my photos? All of you ( 1-2-3 ..?) must be gluttons for eye abuse. Besides, too many photos make people overlook the occasional serious posts that I make.

Beep beep.
Hi.
I also enjoy your photo updates Faith.
Hoping to find confidence to put some lighter and brighter colors on top, and look good like you do.
The red top looks great on your photo imo...
...Im afraid I would look like a big tomato with legs in that outfit.

You start by, well, starting. I wore primarily neutrals as 'him'. I've found that it isn't so much a matter of what looks good on me (based on others opinion), it's more that I have to get used to seeing myself in something different. Don't assume it will look bad, try it. I've seen some good looking tomatoes, still, you may end up like a shiny red apple - delicious enough to eat ;D

That outfit is very nice and you look good there. Keep posting as often as you like.  I'd comment more but I can be a lazy b sometimes.

lazy poster .. yep, that's me. We should make a lazy posters club .. except that there wouldn't be any replies ... HAH!!



So, OK, I'm going to round off the week. Mood is weird. I didn't want to dress slummy and I didn't want to dress up .. so, I ended up in black.

(https://i.imgur.com/7X8TcCx.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/bsQDRfO.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/PWgPpWJ.jpg)

and there you have it. Unless some magic glow happens that brings the weeks photos to a close. Tune in next time for BIKINI WEEK ... yeah, no :P blech
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on September 13, 2019, 09:18:21 am
Good Morning Faith, the last one is my favorite. Hope you got your multi cast forwarding yesterday.

Have a great weekend !

C -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 13, 2019, 10:16:45 am
Good Morning Faith, the last one is my favorite. Hope you got your multi cast forwarding yesterday.

Have a great weekend !

C -

TY

unfortunately, no. It only works on the very first two ports that were configured. I put the source input on a different port and it still works outputting to receivers on the original ports ... receivers on a new port don't work. I did manage to get IGMP snooping to 'see' the ports wanting the cast, still doesn't receive.

it's the weirdest thing.

I can't have it flood (which works :P ) because then it floods all trunk lines even out to low BW remote sites on our MetroE links. It floods even with that vlan turned off and pruned as well.

I need a new line of work
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 13, 2019, 07:10:39 pm
unfortunately, no. It only works on the very first two ports that were configured. I put the source input on a different port and it still works outputting to receivers on the original ports ... receivers on a new port don't work. I did manage to get IGMP snooping to 'see' the ports wanting the cast, still doesn't receive.

it's the weirdest thing.

I can't have it flood (which works :P ) because then it floods all trunk lines even out to low BW remote sites on our MetroE links. It floods even with that vlan turned off and pruned as well.

I need a new line of work


I have no idea what you just said.   ???
(except the new job part!)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on September 16, 2019, 08:49:26 am
I have no idea what you just said.   ???
(except the new job part!)

me neither .. HAH!!


It's MONDAY!!

As I was mildly chastised for suggesting that I slow down posting photos, I have some Monday offerings. Time for new jeans, I think. Anyways ....

(https://i.imgur.com/7rQUAJZ.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/k5tIeuB.jpg)

I forgot my mascara this morning *gasp*



Weekend adventures.

Saturday my wife and I went with my oldest daughter and her two daughters to the beach. Dysphoria induced anxiety hit me on the way there. I couldn't put my suit on. My wife and I wandered down to the local beach restaurant, since it was almost noon, and got some lunch and also imbibed in some liquid courage. It worked. After 2 gin&tonics I was ready to put my suit on and get wet. For the curious, there's a couple photos in the fabulous thread. Not at the beach though, after I got home.

Sunday was quiet day, as Sunday should be. It was too hot for the park so we inflated the kiddie pool (10'x6'x2') for our other granddaughter (3 yr old). I ended up being the one in the pool with her. She thought it was quite funny when I 'fell in' wearing my shorts and t-shirt.  I managed to sunburn my face in the pool whereas I did not when we were at the beach .. weird.

That's it, it's a new week.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on September 16, 2019, 09:20:01 am
Good Morning Faith, I like up close picture, what nice smile today, mascara missing no problem.

Sounds like you had a nice time with family this past weekend  :)

Cheers

Cyndi -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on September 16, 2019, 10:36:07 am
You're looking good Faith!

Hugs, Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on September 16, 2019, 11:39:21 am
Sounds like a good weekend overall.
Pics look nice, looks like a comfortable casual outfit.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on September 25, 2019, 04:12:11 pm
me neither .. HAH!!


It's MONDAY!!

As I was mildly chastised for suggesting that I slow down posting photos, I have some Monday offerings. Time for new jeans, I think. Anyways ....

(https://i.imgur.com/7rQUAJZ.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/k5tIeuB.jpg)

I forgot my mascara this morning *gasp*



Weekend adventures.

Saturday my wife and I went with my oldest daughter and her two daughters to the beach. Dysphoria induced anxiety hit me on the way there. I couldn't put my suit on. My wife and I wandered down to the local beach restaurant, since it was almost noon, and got some lunch and also imbibed in some liquid courage. It worked. After 2 gin&tonics I was ready to put my suit on and get wet. For the curious, there's a couple photos in the fabulous thread. Not at the beach though, after I got home.

Sunday was quiet day, as Sunday should be. It was too hot for the park so we inflated the kiddie pool (10'x6'x2') for our other granddaughter (3 yr old). I ended up being the one in the pool with her. She thought it was quite funny when I 'fell in' wearing my shorts and t-shirt.  I managed to sunburn my face in the pool whereas I did not when we were at the beach .. weird.

That's it, it's a new week.


Woohoo! Hi Faith! Looking good as always girl. It's been a while. Catching up on your thread.

Hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: LizK on September 25, 2019, 04:54:09 pm
me neither .. HAH!!


It's MONDAY!!

As I was mildly chastised for suggesting that I slow down posting photos, I have some Monday offerings. Time for new jeans, I think. Anyways ....

(https://i.imgur.com/7rQUAJZ.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/k5tIeuB.jpg)

I forgot my mascara this morning *gasp*



Weekend adventures.

Saturday my wife and I went with my oldest daughter and her two daughters to the beach. Dysphoria induced anxiety hit me on the way there. I couldn't put my suit on. My wife and I wandered down to the local beach restaurant, since it was almost noon, and got some lunch and also imbibed in some liquid courage. It worked. After 2 gin&tonics I was ready to put my suit on and get wet. For the curious, there's a couple photos in the fabulous thread. Not at the beach though, after I got home.

Sunday was quiet day, as Sunday should be. It was too hot for the park so we inflated the kiddie pool (10'x6'x2') for our other granddaughter (3 yr old). I ended up being the one in the pool with her. She thought it was quite funny when I 'fell in' wearing my shorts and t-shirt.  I managed to sunburn my face in the pool whereas I did not when we were at the beach .. weird.

That's it, it's a new week.

Looking fabulous as ever...that dysphoria sucks big time and its horrible when it hits you of the blue such as you describe. ahhh the confidence giving abilities of G&T...never fails Glad you got through it.

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 07, 2019, 10:20:20 am
*blows off the dust & wipes away the old cobwebs*

  Hi folks. Been a few days. Things have been .. wrong. It's the only way to describe it. Just, not right. I managed to wait until my PP appointment and got my meds changed. It's made a huge difference - within days. I'm feeling more 'right' than I have in a long time. As some may recall previously (is anyone still reading?) they dropped my spiro and added finasteride due to kidney function. What a waste that was.
  3 months of rolling backwards downhill .. ugh .. So anyways, they stopped the finasteride and added bicalutamide this last time. I could have likely handled a bit more body hair but the shaggy growth that started up .. NO! Then add in the other things, harshness of face (my wife noticed as well), internal 'ick' feeling, increased depression, and morning stiffness returning (if you know what I mean). All added up wrong!
--==But I'm feeling much better now==--
  Now even when I have a severe headache (chronic, I always have a headache of some degree) or I get frustrated or any other physical/emotional downturn .. I still feel good because it's 'right' on the inside. I'm sure you all know what I mean. That's not to say it's all roses now.

  I went to the monthly support group meeting on Saturday. I wandered into the restroom first, coming out into the hallway there is a wall between there and where the group meets. I stood there for about 10-15 minutes listening without walking in. I just couldn't bring myself to go further. I ended up turning around and sitting on the couch in the waiting area. Then I curled up and zoned out .. I had to wait for Lori who was in the other meeting for family and spouses and friends, etc.
  The gal that hosts the groups (GET Network) had walked past me while I stood in the hallway. She also walked past me while I was on the couch (I recognized the footsteps). I heard her come back and then heard my name so I looked up .. she was there and also had the therapist (that hosts the adult trans group) with her. They came together to check on me. I passed it off as just a bad headache, which I did have. Except that wasn't why I didn't go into the meeting.
  I reached out to them via email to thank them for checking on me and admitting that there was more to it than the headache .. which they already knew. The head gal from the GET Network gave me her direct email and her direct cell number to contact if I ever needed a one-on-one.

Too much more in the past little while to get in to and, no, I have not been writing in my journal. I am horrible at journals.

I don't know that I 'pass' and I don't know that it matters. I get treated right (except that d*** voice and phones). Gals at work are great. One new(ish) gal at work today, as I spoke a little bit about depression, commented that she never would have known because I exude such a positive happy vibe and am always smiling.
... I exude good vibes ... I wonder how that works :P

OH!!! This is funny. I wasn't there so you get a paraphrased version of what Lori told me:
  Lori swung by her brothers house-warming to pick up our granddaughter. His mother-in-law asked Lori about her EX. Lori was like, "What EX? I don't have an EX" .... what about all that stuff on Facebook!!??  Lori just told her, "yeah, but she's not my ex, we're still together and married". Thus started the whole 'It's a sin' deal. She defended me and us, referred to me as she and a woman without being defensive or aggressive, simply explaining without trying to convince. Lori told her I was legally female and she asked the infamously improper question about whether I'd had 'the change'. Lori simply reiterated that I was legally female without getting into it being none of her business.

I love my wife.

That's more than enough for now.
Take care all.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on October 07, 2019, 10:30:11 am
Hi Faith, and nice to see you posting this morning, your updates were missed. Sometimes it's good to step away from here and just live, then when the time is right you can come back on and post about things, it has to "feel right".

That question that people ask about the surgery, is rooted in a "sexism", I'm afraid (just my .02).

Hope the headaches get better, welcome to a Monday  ;)

Best for the week

Cyndi -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on October 07, 2019, 10:34:49 am
Hi Faith!

Glad to hear that the med changes help the feelings inside.
And that you exude positive vibes even when depressed and headaches! 

Its nice they checked on you, but why wouldn't you go into the support group meeting?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 07, 2019, 10:41:30 am
Hi Faith, and nice to see you posting this morning, your updates were missed. Sometimes it's good to step away from here and just live, then when the time is right you can come back on and post about things, it has to "feel right".

That question that people ask about the surgery, is rooted in a "sexism", I'm afraid (just my .02).

Hope the headaches get better, welcome to a Monday  ;)

Best for the week

Cyndi -

HeYa Cynthia .. oo, am I allowed to use Cyndi? I like that :)

I stepped away .. I don't think I did much living, just existing  :-\
Happy Monday .. UGH!!  :P  I always have a headache, sometimes low, sometimes severe. I can usually manage so I don't want my neck operated on .. too much risk.

Hi Faith!

Glad to hear that the med changes help the feelings inside.
And that you exude positive vibes even when depressed and headaches! 

Its nice they checked on you, but why wouldn't you go into the support group meeting?

Hi Maddie!!

I'm still fighting depression. At that point in time I couldn't bring myself to sit in group, listen to others, share .. nope, couldn't share .. nope. Easier to avoid it than to face it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on October 07, 2019, 10:46:00 am
Cool.  I'm sure your wife appreciated you waiting around for her  ;)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 07, 2019, 10:48:49 am
Cool.  I'm sure your wife appreciated you waiting around for her  ;)

I didn't have any choice, she drove and she had the keys.  ;D
(yeah, ok, I wouldn't have left her in any case)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on October 07, 2019, 10:49:09 am
HeYa Cynthia .. oo, am I allowed to use Cyndi? I like that :)


My friends call me "Cyndi"  :) of course you can. Cynthia is my "formal" name (IRL).

Hope your week is a good one Faith  :)

Cyndi -

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 07, 2019, 10:52:26 am
My friends call me "Cyndi"  :) of course you can. Cynthia is my "formal" name (IRL).

Hope your week is a good one Faith  :)

Cyndi -

friends .. you sure you want to include me? I can be pretty needy  :P  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on October 07, 2019, 10:58:39 am
*blows off the dust & wipes away the old cobwebs*

. she was there and also had the therapist (that hosts the adult trans group) with her. They came together to check on me. I passed it off as just a bad headache, which I did have. Except that wasn't why I didn't go into the meeting.
  I reached out to them via email to thank them for checking on me and admitting that there was more to it than the headache .. which they already knew.
I don't think you could fool Eva, i bet she ha an iea what was going on with you.  I tied to make it on Saturday, but just was not able to do so.
Now, after my trip to the Mayo Clinic, that I know ho and what I am, Eva is helping me to get to terms with my very individual problems.  That woman is just simply a great therapist!
Quote
?\  Lori just told her, "yeah, but she's not my ex, we're still together and married". Thus started the whole 'It's a sin' deal. She defended me and us, referred to me as she and a woman without being defensive or aggressive, simply explaining without trying to convince. Lori told her I was legally female and she asked the infamously improper question about whether I'd had 'the change'. Lori simply reiterated that I was legally female without getting into it being none of her business.

I love my wife.

That's more than enough for now.
Take care all.
Anybody who sees you together can see that there is a very deep love between the two of you.  The way you look at each other says it all!
Good luck with your new medication!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on October 07, 2019, 11:20:12 am
Hi, Faith, I am glad you are back.  I missed you!  I am glad that your latest change in meds has you feeling better. 

I admire your and your wife's loyalty to one another.  You set a good example.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 07, 2019, 11:33:38 am
I don't think you could fool Eva, i bet she ha an iea what was going on with you.  I tied to make it on Saturday, but just was not able to do so.
...
Now, after my trip to the Mayo Clinic, that I know ho and what I am, Eva is helping me to get to terms with my very individual problems.  That woman is just simply a great therapist!
Yeah, she knows
Quote
Anybody who sees you together can see that there is a very deep love between the two of you.  The way you look at each other says it all!
Good luck with your new medication!
thank you

Hi, Faith, I am glad you are back.  I missed you!  I am glad that your latest change in meds has you feeling better. 

I admire your and your wife's loyalty to one another.  You set a good example.
Hi Kathy. We'll see how long I last this time around.

Lori's a special woman. It's not that we don't have our issues, and I am a big one right now, it's that we are committed to working through them together.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 07, 2019, 12:36:30 pm
Faith!  Yes you have readers.  Look at all these responses.  We wait for your posts because (Yes believe it) you are interesting and we care about you.  You have one awesome wife.  Never let her go! 

I hope the rest of your day goes well. 

Hugs, Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 07, 2019, 01:32:18 pm
Hi Judi, yes I know people read, the view count tells me that. I still feel alone & dismissed a lot. I'm so insecure. I don't know about being interesting though. And YES, I have an awesome wife & partner & best friend!!

Now, before Danielle shows up making some sly comment about photos .. here is a work weeks worth .. last week in fact. Some of you saw these on FB.

Monday
(https://i.imgur.com/6VZYKiL.jpg)

Tuesday
(https://i.imgur.com/T4kgYVh.jpg)

Wednesday
(https://i.imgur.com/Buudqq9.jpg)

Thursday
(https://i.imgur.com/qLI9Jdw.jpg)

Friday
(https://i.imgur.com/ugVJqez.jpg)
(I stayed home Friday)

OH, and a bonus .. LEGS!!
(https://i.imgur.com/4cB37pO.jpg)
because viewed at the right angle my legs make me feel good.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 07, 2019, 01:45:02 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I am glad to see that the "prodigal woman" has returned to her thread.  Not to worry, I was never planning nor would I ever make a "sly comment" about your beautiful photos...  If you recall, I have always been very outspoken, and was being supportive to you when you felt self-conscious and were always removing your pictures.  I always was asking you to post more photos and to leave them on your thread.

Yes indeed, your view count and the comments that you receive on your thread are testimony and proof to the fact that you are appreciated here and that you readers and followers want to "follow" your interesting life endeavors. 
 
I am also very happy to know that you have a very supportive and accepting wife at your side...  you are truly blessed with that fact.

As many others have stated today, I am so glad that you have returned....
HUGS and best wishes as always,
Danielle


Hi Judi, yes I know people read, the view count tells me that. I still feel alone & dismissed a lot. I'm so insecure. I don't know about being interesting though. And YES, I have an awesome wife & partner & best friend!!

Now, before Danielle shows up making some sly comment about photos .. here is a work weeks worth .. last week in fact. Some of you saw these on FB.

 


 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 07, 2019, 01:50:39 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I am glad to see that the "prodigal woman" has returned to her thread.  Not to worry, I was never planning nor would I make a sly comment about your beautiful photos...  If you recall, I have always been very outspoken, and was being supportive to you when you felt self-conscious and were always removing your pictures.  I always was asking you to post more photos and to leave them on your thread.

Yes indeed, your view count and the comments that you receive on your thread are testimony and proof to the fact that you are appreciated here and that you readers and followers want to "follow" your interesting life endeavors. 
 
I am also very happy to know that you have a very supportive and accepting wife at your side...  you are truly blessed with that fact.

As many others have stated today, I am so glad that you have returned....
HUGS and best wishes as always,
Danielle

 

DANIELLE !! Lovin' your avatar  :-* (although I liked your pouty faced one as well  ;D )

I didn't mean a sly comment about my photos. I meant a sly comment about me posting more photos .... since I was away for a while and such :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on October 07, 2019, 02:39:53 pm
Very happy to see you Faith.... I was getting a bit concerned 🌸🌸🌸
Good spirits to boot!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on October 07, 2019, 02:54:08 pm
I wish I could look that good at work but its regulation black trousers, polo and sweat shirt, that's why I always make the effort to dress up when I go out. Looking forward to your next work pic (and yes Mondays at work suck)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 07, 2019, 05:26:28 pm
Very happy to see you Faith.... I was getting a bit concerned 🌸🌸🌸
Good spirits to boot!

I am feeling good. These meds are working overtime. Now, with the letter I just received, I hope the meds are temporary  ;D

I wish I could look that good at work but its regulation black trousers, polo and sweat shirt, that's why I always make the effort to dress up when I go out. Looking forward to your next work pic (and yes Mondays at work suck)

I can wear anything from full dressy outfits down to lounging at home jeans .. as long as it's public presentable .. no holes and tears (not even factory) and no mini's. Bra or top that hides well also  :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 08, 2019, 07:18:13 am
Hi Judi, yes I know people read, the view count tells me that. I still feel alone & dismissed a lot. I'm so insecure. I don't know about being interesting though. And YES, I have an awesome wife & partner & best friend!!

Now, before Danielle shows up making some sly comment about photos .. here is a work weeks worth .. last week in fact. Some of you saw these on FB.

Monday
(https://i.imgur.com/6VZYKiL.jpg)

Tuesday
(https://i.imgur.com/T4kgYVh.jpg)

Wednesday
(https://i.imgur.com/Buudqq9.jpg)

Thursday
(https://i.imgur.com/qLI9Jdw.jpg)

Friday
(https://i.imgur.com/ugVJqez.jpg)
(I stayed home Friday)

OH, and a bonus .. LEGS!!
(https://i.imgur.com/4cB37pO.jpg)
because viewed at the right angle my legs make me feel good.
Thursdays smile looks like you knew you were staying home Friday. Great picture.
Nice to see you back here.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 08, 2019, 07:55:44 am
thanks again to everyone.  Sometimes it feels like the only thing I that I have to share is my daily photos .. oh well.

Here's Monday
(https://i.imgur.com/qmV4HfQ.jpg)

 and Tuesday (today)
(https://i.imgur.com/QSehlrQ.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/LZNqTNu.jpg)
I was in a hurry so the stairwell photo is a bit dark and fuzzy. But, HEY, it hides my face a bit right?


I guess I do have one comment to share.

  There's a gal here at work that irritates the bejeebies out of me. She is very supportive, has helped me from day one and yet, I feel that she is secretly phobic, even to herself. Actions and comments don't suit or fit well. Just this morning I made a comment about my belly and the way it shows in my dress. Her reply ended with " ... just like a real woman".  >:(   I let it slide. Obviously somewhere in herself her thinking is tainted with "You're a man that wants to be a woman" rather than "You are a woman".
I do not believe she is malicious about it, I truly feel that she is unaware of what her own comments sound like.

Ah well .. another day to get past.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 08, 2019, 08:09:06 am
thanks again to everyone.  Sometimes it feels like the only thing I that I have to share is my daily photos .. oh well.

Here's Monday
(https://i.imgur.com/qmV4HfQ.jpg)

 and Tuesday (today)
(https://i.imgur.com/QSehlrQ.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/LZNqTNu.jpg)
I was in a hurry so the stairwell photo is a bit dark and fuzzy. But, HEY, it hides my face a bit right?


I guess I do have one comment to share.

  There's a gal here at work that irritates the bejeebies out of me. She is very supportive, has helped me from day one and yet, I feel that she is secretly phobic, even to herself. Actions and comments don't suit or fit well. Just this morning I made a comment about my belly and the way it shows in my dress. Her reply ended with " ... just like a real woman".  >:(   I let it slide. Obviously somewhere in herself her thinking is tainted with "You're a man that wants to be a woman" rather than "You are a woman".
I do not believe she is malicious about it, I truly feel that she is unaware of what her own comments sound like.

Ah well .. another day to get past.
Like the dress.

"Real woman"?

Comes out as a backhanded compliment for sure,  but hard to say if intentional or uneducated. If she meant cis woman,  ok but still didn't need to add that qualifier.
Too many still equate cis with real. We're all real.



Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 08, 2019, 08:45:26 am
Since she is otherwise supportive, let it slide.  She probably doesn't realize how it came out. 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 08, 2019, 09:53:58 am
Since she is otherwise supportive, let it slide.  She probably doesn't realize how it came out.
That would be mostly likely case. Some education in a non confrontational not calling them out way never hurts though.
Not an easy thing for a lot of us to do though.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on October 08, 2019, 10:29:47 am
Just this morning I made a comment about my belly and the way it shows in my dress. Her reply ended with " ... just like a real woman".  >:(   I let it slide. Obviously somewhere in herself her thinking is tainted with "You're a man that wants to be a woman" rather than "You are a woman".
I do not believe she is malicious about it, I truly feel that she is unaware of what her own comments sound like.

I had something similar pop up on Facebook a while ago. I’ve sort of gone stealth there, and when I posted a selfie an old friend wrote, “You look like a woman!”

Well, yeah!

He’s a good guy and I’m positive he meant it to be very complimentary, but it essentially outed me. As soon as I saw it I deleted it, and I don’t think he noticed.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 08, 2019, 10:59:41 am
I've been letting small comments slide from her, treating them a mental tongue slips. They are adding up and irritating me. I have called her out on some.

Steph!!
To pick one instance, a while back very early in transition a guy friend -trying to be supportive- said, "You make a good looking woman"  >:( seriously



I have a strange balancing act today. I am having strong body and face issue yet I am in a great mood and feel good. MIRROR and PHOTO avoidance!!!  I should never have posted (or made for that matter) today's photos

I think I'll go stare at a wall .. any wall, so long as it has no mirror on it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 09, 2019, 07:17:05 am
I don't feel like posting anything about me .. here's my dog

He's unhappy because Lori went next door without him

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQMpAC8sT-E (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQMpAC8sT-E)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 09, 2019, 09:53:48 am
Wow, what a singer!  Quite the voice.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on October 09, 2019, 10:58:42 am
I don't feel like posting anything about me .. here's my dog

He's unhappy because Lori went next door without him

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQMpAC8sT-E (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQMpAC8sT-E)


Awww! Poor puppy! I love the Thursday outfit (top) the most. I've always said you have great taste in tops Faith.

Hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 11, 2019, 05:56:49 am
on the topic of dogs ...  two of my daughter's got bitten by a rattlesnake. The snake, well he's done for. The two pups, the younger one was much improved last night while the older one was still lethargic. Of course they both got an overnight stay at the vets. I'm sure that I'll hear more a little later this morning.


Roller-coasters .. there's a reason that we use that term. Up, down, around, tight curve, slow rise to a fast hair curling plummet into a quick right or left turn ... hanging on for dear life to stay on track.
..... yeah ....


New acquaintances at work - leaning towards work friends. Walked past one yesterday and her greeting was, "Hello gorgeous .. "  I need a closer look at her eyes, maybe she needs corrective lenses. She's the same one that a few days past was surprised to learn that I fight depression. Her comment: I present such a happy positive vibe and smile all the time she never would have thought it. I told her that she should ask my "unexpected consequence" friend what I used to be like. She does a great job explaining while she also makes the greatest facial expressions. I get a kick out of watching her describing old me .. the old me that she didn't like at all.

Home alone last night, shadows creeping in. I tried to keep myself distracted with a bit of laptop repair and reading .. it wasn't easy.

so much floating around in my head right now. I can't seem to put it all into words. It's like I have this multi-electron atom as a brain, the nucleus my core being .. then one of the electrons flies off and hits the edges of my mental universe either bouncing off or exploding in a burst of sparkly confusion, throwing me off-balance. Another one eventually takes it's place to bring equilibrium to start all over.

I feel like I'm driving a car with a flat tire.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 11, 2019, 12:15:25 pm
Sorry to hear about the pups but it appears they are on the mend. 

As to this "She's the same one that a few days past was surprised to learn that I fight depression. Her comment: I present such a happy positive vibe and smile all the time she never would have thought it. I told her that she should ask my "unexpected consequence" friend what I used to be like."  I can wholeheartedly relate.  it seems unconsciously I would project a positive persona in work and other social environments, while at home and in familiar surroundings I would revert to my old self.   It was hard to break out of that cycle.  Since you are living this "happier" life in many's eyes please try to integrate it into the rest of your life.  I understand it is difficult.  I read your input and see the real Faith that we know here. 

I hope the rest of your day goes well. 
Hugs, Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 11, 2019, 12:55:38 pm
I just got word that the older dog didn't make it. Evie has been with my daughter for many many years
 :icon_cry:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on October 11, 2019, 01:15:14 pm
I just got word that the older dog didn't make it. Evie has been with my daughter for many many years
 :icon_cry:

The loss of very few two-legged creatures will make me as sad as the loss of one of our innocent four-legged friends. As you know, I lost my Maggie a few months ago, and not even the good things that have happened for me since then can balance out that pain.

Big warm hugs for your daughter.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 11, 2019, 02:32:03 pm
I just got word that the older dog didn't make it. Evie has been with my daughter for many many years
 :icon_cry:


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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on October 11, 2019, 03:28:03 pm
I just got word that the older dog didn't make it. Evie has been with my daughter for many many years
 :icon_cry:
I am sorry to hear that! :'(
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 11, 2019, 07:54:06 pm
Sorry to read of your daughters dog.  I hope she's doing all right. 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: LizK on October 12, 2019, 02:29:13 am
I just got word that the older dog didn't make it. Evie has been with my daughter for many many years
 :icon_cry:

That's very sad  :icon_cry2:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: LizK on October 12, 2019, 02:31:31 am

…….

so much floating around in my head right now. I can't seem to put it all into words. It's like I have this multi-electron atom as a brain, the nucleus my core being .. then one of the electrons flies off and hits the edges of my mental universe either bouncing off or exploding in a burst of sparkly confusion, throwing me off-balance. Another one eventually takes it's place to bring equilibrium to start all over.

I feel like I'm driving a car with a flat tire.

Times like this suck and are the worst...I hope the errant electrons behaved themselves today for you. Stuff like this can add a level of misery we just don't need. Hugs

Liz
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 12, 2019, 07:55:11 am
Thanks for the hugs and well-wishes.  My daughter seems to be holding up well. She had already resigned herself to losing the older dog. She's working on the younger to make sure that one recovers. We kept the granddaughter with us last night so our daughter could concentrate on doggy care.


Liz

seems to be the norm for me, sparks flying everywhere inside my head. I'll have to get used to it, it'll probably be like this for the rest of my life .. limbo, neither one or the other.

At least I have proper meds in me again.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 14, 2019, 11:04:54 am
Well, it's Monday

We managed to get some things done around the house this weekend, at least I did. Lori did a garage sale at my eldest daughter's house.

No update on the 2nd pup. They had to do a blood transfusion and 2nd anti-venom. She seemed much improved last night, hopefully it lasts for recovery.

Photos .. well .. I dunno.  I went with all black and it's really hard to get decent lighting for a photo. Here's a couple low-res

(https://i.imgur.com/AkWKyXD.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/dkYNBsr.jpg)

I wore my black bra, unfortunately I only had blue panties  :icon_yikes: .. I'm such a fashion risk statement

I was told by one of the gals here to, and I quote, 'get your hair out of your beautiful face!'   I got severely chastised when I self-deprecated following that comment.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on October 14, 2019, 02:42:13 pm
Well I am with the girls at work. Blue panties!!! what ever next ;)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on October 14, 2019, 03:04:09 pm
Fashion risk statement lol

So sorry to hear about the poor dogs. Such a loss, but still some hope!

You look great.  I am glad you have gals to chastise you ;)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 14, 2019, 07:00:32 pm
Looking good Faith (despite the blue panties of course!).  We won't tell anyone.  Your gal pal was right, no hair over your face.  It hides the beauty within!

Nice smile on the close up!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 15, 2019, 08:37:02 am
The black looks good on you lady. 

Bra and panties only have to match if someone is going to see them.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 15, 2019, 11:01:37 am
thank you all. I did get many compliments on yesterday's outfit. Time to empty my closet and fill it with all black .. no, I suppose not.

today .. arrggghhh .. image issues with a vengeance. Mirrors are relentlessly unforgiving. I wanna go home
so, um, yeah, no photo today .. ick!

**must not delete photos** **must not delete photos** **must not delete photos** **must not delete photos** **must not delete photos** **must not delete photos** **must not delete photos** **must not delete photos**
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 15, 2019, 07:22:39 pm
OK you get a pass as you've been very good about posting photos! 

Black is fine but life is about COLOR!  Yeah!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Nicole70 on October 15, 2019, 08:03:43 pm
Looking good Faith, hang in there you are doing well.

Hugs,

Nicole
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 16, 2019, 07:01:10 am
Judi, Nicole, all you other masochists that read what I post, I want to thank you all for paying attention to me, worthy or not (meaning me, not you). I also want you all to know that I read your threads, I have trouble finding words to reply with. I lurk around a lot and there are very few threads that I don't stick my head in to. Some, like you two, Tonya, Cyndi, Stephanie, Tony, oh heck .. the list goes on .. I read word for word (except when certain surgical results crop up, can't handle it). Replying, well that's my problem. I'm no good at it.

So, I'd just like you all to know, yes, I am in there. Odds are if you see the 'who's reading' at the top and see a 'hidden' .. it's probably me :P

gads I feel like Eeyore. It's going to be a long day.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on October 16, 2019, 01:35:17 pm
Thinking of you Faith today, and catching up here whilst computing  :)

Have a nice day, ok ?

Cyndi -

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 17, 2019, 08:33:24 am
Heya Cyndi  :icon_wave:

It would have been nice to have made it up to 'nice day', it was not to be. It was a horrendously long miserable self-loathing day of introspection of extraneous accouterments. I spent the day in jeans, button up top, no make-up and hair that a witch would laugh at (a comic/animated/cartoon witch, not related to Wicca or similar beliefs). I used the back stairwells and made minimal human contact.

I felt like this:
(https://i.imgur.com/m8LfJOf.jpg)

So, no, I took no "photo's of misery" yesterday. I did manage a couple today, I'll share yet I am not happy ....

(https://i.imgur.com/6HQ2NvK.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/Jd4mPiu.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on October 17, 2019, 09:17:03 am
Hi Faith ! I sensed that in your writings, that's why i used a question mark in my last post. Today is a new day, new pictures. Nice top and long skirt  :)

I hope today is better for ya, as the work week winds down here.....

Cyndi -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 17, 2019, 09:50:33 am
Faith I sorry to read your day is not going well, and pray it will turn around.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on October 17, 2019, 10:49:57 am
Faith,

So sorry that you're feeling down.  Your photos are just lovely.  Really, they lack only a smile.  Feel better soon sis.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 17, 2019, 11:18:34 am
Thank you .. it will turn around. I am fighting a few things

- image dysphoria, depression .... no details needed there.
- weather changes ... yes, barometric changes screw with me and give me piercing headaches on top of the low-grade chronic ones that I already have. I can feel that storm in the gulf already. Which also aggravates my depressed mood.
- just took my E injection on Monday. It tends to give me a down feeling before I perk back up to my normal low self-esteem level.

on a positive note, I was chastised, again, by a gal at work. Telling her a few reasons why she didn't see me yesterday (I was in hiding). No slack. I wish I could show you some of the faces that she made at me. She ended by saying, as others here have said, "I wish that you could see yourself as I see you". Well, me too :P  One of my comments led to a breast size conversation. She'd had BA done. She was like, you have more now than I had. I had two backs. She showed me a photo. yep, if she hadn't had a bra on you wouldn't have seen any bumps at all. Even with a bra it was hard to tell.

Oh, another first today. I am very careful about the ladies restroom to avoid discomfort, mine and theirs. Today, well, I had to go and in I went, one stall in use grab the other. -=insert personal note=- ever tried to pee quiet? I mean, really, can't we have sound proofing? I don't want people hearing my business and I don't need to hear theirs -=end note=- anyways, normally I'd wait for quiet before I came out to insure the room was empty. Too much conversation and I wasn't going to wait that long. Out I came and immediately I get, "Hi Sweetie" and a hug. The other gal was doing her hair (remodel, no dressing rooms right now). She also said hi and kept right on doing her hair.

yeah, I think things will improve greatly by this afternoon .. if I can break this headache.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Rachel on October 17, 2019, 06:44:57 pm
Hi Faith, awesome welcoming in the bathroom. I am so happy for you. I know for me it was so nerve racking wondering what others were thinking. I too was either ignored by woman I did not know or had a conversation with woman I did know. Very different than a men's room.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Nicole70 on October 17, 2019, 07:15:10 pm
Judi, Nicole, all you other masochists that read what I post, I want to thank you all for paying attention to me, worthy or not (meaning me, not you). I also want you all to know that I read your threads, I have trouble finding words to reply with. I lurk around a lot and there are very few threads that I don't stick my head in to. Some, like you two, Tonya, Cyndi, Stephanie, Tony, oh heck .. the list goes on .. I read word for word (except when certain surgical results crop up, can't handle it). Replying, well that's my problem. I'm no good at it.

So, I'd just like you all to know, yes, I am in there. Odds are if you see the 'who's reading' at the top and see a 'hidden' .. it's probably me :P

gads I feel like Eeyore. It's going to be a long day.

Faith I totally get where you are coming from, I had to stay off the forum most of this year, I have documented the struggles my wife is going through and that in-turn affects me.  I don’t expect you to comment on my posts, I’m glad you read it.

I had to avoid many topics because reading about other’s struggles brought me down, and caused me to think about abandoning my transition and surgery in order to save my marriage. I know you have said you have similar struggles to me.

Good news about the bathroom encounter! At least you know that you are seen as one of the girls at work, it’s comforting to have that support.

Hugs,

Nicole

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: LizK on October 17, 2019, 07:25:11 pm


Oh, another first today. I am very careful about the ladies restroom to avoid discomfort, mine and theirs. Today, well, I had to go and in I went, one stall in use grab the other. -=insert personal note=- ever tried to pee quiet? I mean, really, can't we have sound proofing? I don't want people hearing my business and I don't need to hear theirs -=end note=- anyways, normally I'd wait for quiet before I came out to insure the room was empty. Too much conversation and I wasn't going to wait that long. Out I came and immediately I get, "Hi Sweetie" and a hug. The other gal was doing her hair (remodel, no dressing rooms right now). She also said hi and kept right on doing her hair.

yeah, I think things will improve greatly by this afternoon .. if I can break this headache.
Its amazing how our days can turn around with some love and affirmation. Great to see you getting such well deserved positive feedback.

Hope the headache goes and your day and outlook continues to improve.

hugs

Liz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 17, 2019, 09:21:34 pm
Faith, I have long thought that you have some of the nicest co-workers and today's comments just validate it.  I hope the morning brings a fresh new day for you.

Hugs, Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 18, 2019, 05:50:13 am
Hey ya'all ... things are looking (feeling) more up this morning. hopefully nothing happens to spoil it.

took a quick morning photo, nothing special. Just me at my desk ... again.

(https://i.imgur.com/z3gOs2e.jpg)

ps .. yes, that is the multicast receivers behind me .. working. I had to send the traffic via VPN to isolate the encoder/receivers from my internal network.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 18, 2019, 06:19:03 am


Hey ya'all ... things are looking (feeling) more up this morning. hopefully nothing happens to spoil it.

took a quick morning photo, nothing special. Just me at my desk ... again.

(https://i.imgur.com/z3gOs2e.jpg)

ps .. yes, that is the multicast receivers behind me .. working. I had to send the traffic via VPN to isolate the encoder/receivers from my internal network.

Don't know anything about multicast receivers but the the picture looks nice. 
Glad your feeling better today and that everything came out ok in the restroom yesterday.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 18, 2019, 07:36:49 am
That top really works well!  Love it.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 18, 2019, 01:01:49 pm
turned out to be a rather nice day. I should be good for another week or so :P

side note:

I emailed my insurance for information regarding proceeding with an orchiectomy citing that I had a Dr letter stating it as 'medically necessary'. I received a quite follow-up response with promise of an answer by the middle of next week ... time to wait.

I didn't want to get caught in a 'non-coverage' battle which can ensue if you seek a procedure that requires prior approval.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on October 18, 2019, 04:11:00 pm
turned out to be a rather nice day. I should be good for another week or so :P

side note:

I emailed my insurance for information regarding proceeding with an orchiectomy citing that I had a Dr letter stating it as 'medically necessary'. I received a quite follow-up response with promise of an answer by the middle of next week ... time to wait.

I didn't want to get caught in a 'non-coverage' battle which can ensue if you seek a procedure that requires prior approval.
I hope it works for you!  Mine sailed through without any problem, as far as I can remember, my copay was around $75.  I am with Humana Floridacare
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 19, 2019, 04:37:48 pm
odd day for me today. My head is buzzing, pressure, confusion. I want to do something yet find myself sitting on the couch. I get off the couch to do something and I soon find myself back on the couch. I know part of it is the weather, I have side-effects from storm pressures. Still .. AARRGGHH ..  >:(

I figured I'd share a daily candid couch-selfie. Yes, same top that I wore yesterday ... I slept in it. That's how I feel. You have to have a certain amount of self security to share less than flattering photos of yourself, or so I've been led to believe. Well, I am not so self secure so what does that mean?

(https://i.imgur.com/H3mQ4n4.jpg)

I don't know what to do with myself.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 19, 2019, 09:26:29 pm
quick comment before bed.

Lori went to our (fairly new) neighbors house tonight to let Ary (7) play with their little girl (5). I didn't go. I was feeling <poor> plus I wasn't sure how they'd take me and I wanted to avoid any drama or tension.

Turns out they are OK with it. They asked Lori some questions, asked about name and pronouns and, well since he was a bit drunk, he managed the inappropriate question about how we handle having sex. To which Lori answered, easy, we don't have any.

anyways, off to bed. g'night
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 19, 2019, 09:34:55 pm
Some people ask the dumbest questions.  Hopefully the wife will say something to him about being inappropriate, and prying.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 20, 2019, 07:43:20 am
Some people ask the dumbest questions.  Hopefully the wife will say something to him about being inappropriate, and prying.

especially drunk ones.  Anyways, it was no big deal to me. The question of engaging in sex, while something you really shouldn't ask, isn't as bad as asking details of the how  :icon_yikes: His wife did mention to mine that she hoped that he didn't ask anything inappropriate. So she, at least, has a clue.

as for how, yeah, non-existent so there is no how.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Dena on October 20, 2019, 09:23:16 am
as for how, yeah, non-existent so there is no how.
For future reference, when this comes up again, just put a big smile on your face for a few seconds then move onto another topic. What goes on behind closed doors, stays behind closed doors and it's nobodies business other than your own unless you want somebody to know.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 21, 2019, 08:27:09 am
I can't answer if I'm not there :P  I leave my wife to answer as she sees fit. I'm surprised she didn't just brush him off, she usually does.


It's a new week. As bad as I felt yesterday, I'm not so bad today. I wasn't going to 'dress up' so I kept it dark toned. I apparently failed and was told I look like a movie star. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, HEEEE !

anyways, you be the judge:
(not so fond of the close-up)

(https://i.imgur.com/AW6imhc.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/bsM1Mhm.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/1zFGN3P.jpg)

I need to find a private spot with more/better lighting for my morning snaps.

Oh, yesterday ... Yeah, I was abysmal. I'll blame the weather, yeah, that was it, the weather.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 21, 2019, 08:54:39 am
Looking good!   I agree that you cannot control how others reply to (silly) questions.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on October 21, 2019, 09:31:00 am
Glad you're posting photos Faith.
Hope the self esteem truck makes a delivery to both of our mailboxes!

It seems that our private business is considered appropriate conversation for some curious people.
I would turn the table on a jerk question like that, except that it would backfire, and they would actually want to tell me all the details of their sex life....
Ugg
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on October 21, 2019, 05:03:22 pm
I can't answer if I'm not there :P  I leave my wife to answer as she sees fit. I'm surprised she didn't just brush him off, she usually does.


It's a new week. As bad as I felt yesterday, I'm not so bad today. I wasn't going to 'dress up' so I kept it dark toned. I apparently failed and was told I look like a movie star. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, HEEEE !

anyways, you be the judge:
(not so fond of the close-up)

(https://i.imgur.com/AW6imhc.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/bsM1Mhm.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/1zFGN3P.jpg)

I need to find a private spot with more/better lighting for my morning snaps.

Oh, yesterday ... Yeah, I was abysmal. I'll blame the weather, yeah, that was it, the weather.

Wow! Quite the sultry look girl ;)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 22, 2019, 07:08:59 am
  Last night was a nice, positive, evening shared with my wife. I did cause her distress for a time. We were talking about guy looks, she expressed how she would look at other guys yet only to compare them to me, some actors. The others always same up short in the comparison. She then got quiet and I pushed her a little saying something about not being able to be that for her anymore. She said that she was afraid to bring it up for fear of upsetting me. I told her, I am not upset. She is missing something from me and it's ok to grieve for what's gone.
  I asked her, what do people do when they lose a loved one. They remember, they talk about things they did, how they were. This way they balance loss with remembrance - and heal. In our case, I am still here yet the same thing applies. You have to grieve for what is different, what is lost, you have to remember what was, not to dwell - to heal. In that way you can start to see how much of me is still here.

You cannot see what is here if you only look for what is gone.

Yeah, that's my deep'ish thought for the day.  Here, have a photo:

(https://i.imgur.com/1ehjFpI.jpg)

No, I am not doing well today.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 22, 2019, 08:37:54 am
  Last night was a nice, positive, evening shared with my wife. I did cause her distress for a time. We were talking about guy looks, she expressed how she would look at other guys yet only to compare them to me, some actors. The others always same up short in the comparison. She then got quiet and I pushed her a little saying something about not being able to be that for her anymore. She said that she was afraid to bring it up for fear of upsetting me. I told her, I am not upset. She is missing something from me and it's ok to grieve for what's gone.
  I asked her, what do people do when they lose a loved one. They remember, they talk about things they did, how they were. This way they balance loss with remembrance - and heal. In our case, I am still here yet the same thing applies. You have to grieve for what is different, what is lost, you have to remember what was, not to dwell - to heal. In that way you can start to see how much of me is still here.

You cannot see what is here if you only look for what is gone.

Yeah, that's my deep'ish thought for the day.  Here, have a photo:

(https://i.imgur.com/1ehjFpI.jpg)

No, I am not doing well today.
Hey Faith,

Pretty good analysis on the loss of the former self.

Today's picture is nice, love the purple.  The off the shoulder look yesterday is what glammed that up and got you the movie star references. Very nice.





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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 22, 2019, 10:21:51 am
Faith that is a beautiful moment of insight and so true. 

The color purple looks very stylish on you! 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on October 22, 2019, 11:41:25 am
You cannot see what is here if you only look for what is gone.


Definitely deepish. I like the statement.

Hope you feel a lift soon Faith
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 22, 2019, 01:33:18 pm
  Today's photo I shared because I took it, I'm certainly not feeling it. My deep'ish thoughts, yeah, I dive and sometimes come up with something, most times I dive and just wallow. I'm wallowing now. Dysphoria has really been kicking me recently. I don't know what to do with myself.
  I tried to avoid people today, which is difficult to do around here. One of my gals friends looked up as I walked by, started to compliment me (I saw that WOW expression about my outfit), took a longer look and said, "Someone needs a hug" and proceeded to give me a bone-crunching hug. Once she let loose another gal friend stepped up to give me another hug. As she was hugging me another gal came up and I heard her say, "Oh no, someone needs a hug today" and she proceeded to do so once my 2nd gal friend let loose of me.
  I wish it could last, I think I need a day long hug. Well, maybe not. I almost broke down as it was and that's not something that I want to do at work.

Have I mentioned that I have gal friends at work? I think I need to move my desk over there.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 23, 2019, 05:56:45 am
Last night I lie in bed and decide to check my phone one last time, an email from insurance. Absolutely unconditionally equivocally ochi is not covered  .. under the gender exclusion clause in my company policy.

As it appears now, I will live the body lie the rest of my life. There's no fix.

I didn't sleep well.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 23, 2019, 07:15:52 am
Last night I lie in bed and decide to check my phone one last time, an email from insurance. Absolutely unconditionally equivocally ochi is not covered  .. under the gender exclusion clause in my company policy.

As it appears now, I will live the body lie the rest of my life. There's no fix.

I didn't sleep well.
"Gender exclusion clause"?  That's a rather backward thing for a company to do these days. Are they hiding behind "religious freedom"?  If not, any chance they could change this with next contract? 

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 23, 2019, 07:21:13 am
"Gender exclusion clause"?  That's a rather backward thing for a company to do these days. Are they hiding behind "religious freedom"?  If not, any chance they could change this with next contract? 

no specific reasoning from the company other than, nope not adding it. The parent insurance company, Cigna, covers gender related healthcare yet still allows group plans to insert exclusions. I reached out to the parent company (Cigna). I'm sure nothing will happen yet I felt the need to add my voice. My company will never push to include. They aren't the only ones. Publix, for example, has exclusionary clauses as well.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on October 23, 2019, 07:35:39 am
Last night I lie in bed and decide to check my phone one last time, an email from insurance. Absolutely unconditionally equivocally ochi is not covered  .. under the gender exclusion clause in my company policy.

As it appears now, I will live the body lie the rest of my life. There's no fix.

I didn't sleep well.

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.  That has to hurt like a gut punch.  *HUGS*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 23, 2019, 07:40:30 am


You were looking at orchiectomy right? Unlikely but any chance it could be snuck in under a diagnosis code not related to being transgender? 

Thers is hope though. The political winds look to be changing, but even in the best case scenario there its 2 years before anything changes. 

How big a company do you work for?  Would they respond to pressure from activist groups? Not suggesting you put your job in jeopardy,  but a large enough employer may not like the negative publicity.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 23, 2019, 07:48:07 am
Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.  That has to hurt like a gut punch.  *HUGS*
It made for a really restless sleep. I did expect coverage under medical necessity yet their words indicate they'd never cover under our plan, no matter what.

I do fight despair. I'm going to die in the wrong body. Might as well design the he/him headstone for it.

@Tonya
I don't know that they'd cave yet the are a target as they are the largest media company in the area. PR means a lot. I'm not taking up that fight, not without a different job lined up.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on October 23, 2019, 08:18:22 am
For what it’s worth, Faith:

https://www.metroweekly.com/2019/10/transgender-sheriffs-deputy-sues-georgia-county-health-insurance-exclusion/ (https://www.metroweekly.com/2019/10/transgender-sheriffs-deputy-sues-georgia-county-health-insurance-exclusion/)

I know you aren’t interested in going the legal route, but there are some nuggets of information in there that might be helpful.


- Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 23, 2019, 08:27:14 am
nope, no legal route, not unless it's pro bono.

I've seen quite a few links to coverage contestation that won yet none of them set precedent so each legal fight is a new one.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on October 23, 2019, 08:42:35 am
nope, no legal route, not unless it's pro bono.

I've seen quite a few links to coverage contestation that won yet none of them set precedent so each legal fight is a new one.

Understood. I wonder, though, whether pointing out some of the things to HR in a non-confrontational way might open their eyes. I also wonder whether the organizations mentioned in there wouldn’t actually be pro-bono.

As you say, though, large corporations with lawyers on staff have a “can’t fight city hall” mentality, and I, at least, would want to have a Plan B in place for employment before starting down that path.

Finally, I have a friend who was pursuing the possibility that, despite T care being specifically excluded from their company’s policy, may have been able to get coverage directly from the insurance company if they proved medical necessity. I suspect that’s what you’re doing by talking directly to Cigna. I hope that works out for you.

Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on October 23, 2019, 09:02:59 am
I am so sorry Faith.   :'( I hope you can find some loophole in the system. 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on October 23, 2019, 09:47:59 am
Big HUG Faith
Sorry to read about the disappointing insurance rules policy email, and its effects on you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on October 23, 2019, 09:51:49 am
Understood. I wonder, though, whether pointing out some of the things to HR in a non-confrontational way might open their eyes. I also wonder whether the organizations mentioned in there wouldn’t actually be pro-bono.

As you say, though, large corporations with lawyers on staff have a “can’t fight city hall” mentality, and I, at least, would want to have a Plan B in place for employment before starting down that path.

Finally, I have a friend who was pursuing the possibility that, despite T care being specifically excluded from their company’s policy, may have been able to get coverage directly from the insurance company if they proved medical necessity. I suspect that’s what you’re doing by talking directly to Cigna. I hope that works out for you.

Stephanie

I would agree. This is a medically necessary issue. Perhaps presenting your case directly to Cigna will open some eyes. But also as Stephanie stated, keep a plan B on the back burner but that brings up another issue. Doesn't your state have laws in place for gender protection? Wouldn't it be illegal for them to end your employment for gender reasons?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 23, 2019, 10:08:18 am
I am not under contract and this company has a track record of firing based on 'performance issues' no matter the real reason behind it. They'd find a way.

"medically necessary" is a subjective ruling. Insurance has been known to go against Dr's based on policy and not medical.

So ya'all know, I am not discounting any feedback or opinions it's just I have considered all of it so far and possible ramifications to self. I've also looked into some of the 'fight for me' support organizations and it's a 'no new clients' at the moment. I can whine and cry in an email yet no help would ensue.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on October 23, 2019, 11:06:12 am
Publix, for example, has exclusionary clauses as well.
Publix management are known Trump supporters, what do you expect?  I bet they will not refuse an orchi if it is because of a medical necessity, and has nothing to do with gender.  Well you might get so bad off down there that any given urologist will decide that the balls of fire need to be removed!
Let's talk about this in privacy (we should meet again anyway)
Linde
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 23, 2019, 11:12:04 am
my current insurance will not cover .. period.

"... per the groups benefit plan limitations (exclusions) this type of surgery is specifically excluded. This wouldn’t even be covered if the customer meets medical necessity nor would it be approved if an authorization is requested. The codes provided are diagnosis codes, however when the benefit is excluded there is not a way around that exclusion unless the client changes the benefits for everyone on the plan."
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on October 23, 2019, 04:09:12 pm
my current insurance will not cover .. period.

"... per the groups benefit plan limitations (exclusions) this type of surgery is specifically excluded. This wouldn’t even be covered if the customer meets medical necessity nor would it be approved if an authorization is requested. The codes provided are diagnosis codes, however when the benefit is excluded there is not a way around that exclusion unless the client changes the benefits for everyone on the plan."
So, if you would have testicular cancer, they's rather leave you die than paying for surgery?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 24, 2019, 11:53:36 am
weird day. I think I'll stay in my own area for a bit. That said, I got crazy with my phone camera last night and today, here are a few.  I need some positive so if you don't have any, lie!!  .. no no no, don't lie, just cringe and move on thank you :)

I tried 'man mode' my wife said that I failed. I dunno, I see a man standing there.
(https://i.imgur.com/Giwf49r.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/HwVJrNr.jpg)

Morning walk at work
(https://i.imgur.com/SNOWMNX.jpg)

Morning stairwell
(https://i.imgur.com/4Knusom.jpg)

Back stairwell at lunch time
(https://i.imgur.com/IGPYp5r.jpg)

that's it.  dysphoria sucks .. just sayin'
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on October 24, 2019, 12:20:21 pm

that's it.  dysphoria sucks .. just sayin'

Ain't that the truth.  Stay strong hon.  You look lovely, and the world's a better place because you're in it. Never think otherwise.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on October 24, 2019, 12:41:15 pm
Your man-mode pictures show a massive male fail.  The others look good.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 24, 2019, 01:31:25 pm
Your man-mode pictures show a massive male fail.  The others look good.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
I completely agree with what @KathyLauren stated in her reply. 
         A massive male-fail for sure. !!!

Your pictures are lovely, we know it and you know it...
... be happy, glad and positive!!!  ... and please keep posting.


HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 24, 2019, 02:34:37 pm
I ain't buying "man mode" either. The clothes  maybe, the face and posture, nope.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on October 24, 2019, 02:50:28 pm
I agree with all of you, no man in those pics!! and looking good in your today at work clothes
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 24, 2019, 04:22:51 pm
Thanks all. I guess I over think things and get worked up. I mean, I'm told 'woman' and yet people that see me clock me. Oh accepting as far as I can tell yet they know without being told. So there's something (not my voice) and it's eating at me. Add that to what I see for myself and it really gets me down.

I stopped progesterone again a couple days ago. Something is driving my mood down.

Dr appointment today. Dr stumbled over he/she. He tried so hard that I had to laugh at him. I only see him every 6 months. At check out the counter girl goes, "you look different. Is it your hair? Is it whiter?" I just said, nah, it's just longer  :P

I want my girly high back.

I mentioned depression at the Dr .. woo, that opened up flood of questions. Talked him out of happy pills by telling him about the progesterone. He agreed to wait for it to be out of my system.

Loneliness

*sigh*
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 24, 2019, 06:03:16 pm
Saw this comic on Facebook, I made an edit ...

(https://i.imgur.com/DDjQ4Fk.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 25, 2019, 07:08:38 am
Saw this comic on Facebook, I made an edit ...

(https://i.imgur.com/DDjQ4Fk.jpg)
I saw that too and now can't remember what you edited. I used to have nights like that.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 26, 2019, 07:36:57 am
I think that I am afraid to be happy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on October 26, 2019, 11:37:29 am
I think that I am afraid to be happy

Not to be flippant - I’m serious. Let go and really try it once. It’s addictive.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 26, 2019, 11:42:15 am
I think that I am afraid to be happy
Are you afraid to be happy or you won't let yourself be happy?
Not to be flippant - I’m serious. Let go and really try it once. It’s addictive.
She's right you know.

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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 27, 2019, 07:40:58 am
  I get depressed because I want to get out and do things as me. We are extremely tight on funds right now. By that I mean we can't even do 'free' things because it takes gas to get there. We are just making it to fill the tank for the next week. I know we'll get out of this hole, not the first time, soon would be nice. I dress up extra at work because it's the only place that I can. Well, I could stay dressed at home .. who wants to do that? I want to strip down and relax, get comfy!!

Happiness is a state of mind and my mind is still trying to join the union.

  We dd do one extra road trip last night. I won't get into the logistics. We ended up at Goodwill to kill some time, Granddaughter ended up needing top and slacks for the evening event. As Lori was fetching her as it was time to leave, I waited by the door. I was in my white slacks and psychedelic top. I stood there next to a display looking at my phone. Out of the corner of my eye I see two gentlemen come in. The one closer to me reaches over and grabs my elbow. Before I even have time to react he goes, "OMG I'm so sorry honey. You were standing there so still I thought you were part of the display." He walked off after more sorrys and proceeded to say to the other gentleman with him about how he thought 'she' was a display .. etc ..etc

  Nice affirming moment of an otherwise internally dreary day.

  I told Lori about it and she said she was wondering why I had such a big grin on my face. Yeah, the grin started when he said honey the first time.

older photo, this is what I was wearing yesterday
(https://i.imgur.com/bRgQrBgt.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on October 27, 2019, 08:57:10 am
The one closer to me reaches over and grabs my elbow. Before I even have time to react he goes, "OMG I'm so sorry honey.

Is she real ? Oh yeah, she's real, now what ?  ;D


Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on October 27, 2019, 11:51:42 am
Is she real ? Oh yeah, she's real, now what ?  ;D

She’s a living doll!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 28, 2019, 09:16:26 am
HAH

Well, it was a good moment, I wish the feeling lasted longer. Today I'm .. mediocre. I'm going to go with it being the last week of the month which is apparently my body's cycle week. On top of that, my injections are biweekly (why is that twice a week AND every other week .. that's just stupid, English is stupid!) Anyways, every other week and my next one is tonight.

I want to paint my mirrors black

Oh! How about real-time vr specs that overlay any of me with an image of my choice? YES!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on October 28, 2019, 09:35:21 am
Good morning Faith, I was at an injection every 2 weeks schedule once, I did'nt like it  ??? and asked my Dr to prescribe once per week, she agreed after about 6 months, I had much more consistent readings after that. I also had less emotional up's and down's in making that schedule change, my .02.....Twice a week seems excessive

Have a nice day

Cyndi -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on October 28, 2019, 09:56:10 am
Good morning Faith, I was at an injection every 2 weeks schedule once, I did'nt like it  ??? and asked my Dr to prescribe once per week, she agreed after about 6 months, I had much more consistent readings after that. I also had less emotional up's and down's in making that schedule change, my .02.....Twice a week seems excessive

Have a nice day

Cyndi -
I also inject once a week (today is the day), and I don't feel any ups and downs with it!  Once a week seems to be the way to go!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 28, 2019, 11:23:22 am
I've considered weekly. I've come to dread my biweekly injections. odd since I don't have a fear of needles yet still I dread and hesitate more and more. I don't know if I could bring myself to do it weekly
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 28, 2019, 12:09:12 pm
Monday selfie .. ick .. well, I suppose.  Let me start off with ......................................

TOO MUCH CONDITIONER
(https://i.imgur.com/AqSCfse.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/7IFEgPr.jpg)
hmm, is that some red starting to come back into my hair? I haven't had a red tint in .. ohhh, 25 yrs or more.

'normal' Daily selfie pose
(https://i.imgur.com/so881tK.jpg)

'normal guy with long hair' selfie pose
(https://i.imgur.com/SjQDc97.jpg)

Look at me, feeling lousy about myself and still posting photos. I figure, if I have to endure this face .. SO DO YOU!! 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 28, 2019, 04:23:29 pm
Maybe a little.  Need more rinse out time.  OTOH, I haven't had my hair that long in 45 years!  (Jealous)

I dunno, I still think you're looking good! 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 29, 2019, 08:36:27 am
My hair was waaay stiff from conditioner. It's a de-frizz leave-in conditioner. It's hard to tell how much you have in there until your hair dries. It's applied while your hair is sopping wet. I showered last night and only rinsed my hair.

My hair is still getting longer. I don't know how long it'll get. I've never had it this long. It is past due for a clean-up trim though.

I wasn't going to do an image share today, ah well, have one anyways

(https://i.imgur.com/NiiVsiG.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/IskjcqK.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/a1JAaYD.jpg)

I opted to stop progesterone again. I don't think it's helping me and I do think it's emotionally detrimental. I'll stop for a full month at least and see what happens.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on October 29, 2019, 09:16:57 am
My hair was waaay stiff from conditioner. It's a de-frizz leave-in conditioner. It's hard to tell how much you have in there until your hair dries. It's applied while your hair is sopping wet. I showered last night and only rinsed my hair.

My hair is still getting longer. I don't know how long it'll get. I've never had it this long. It is past due for a clean-up trim though.

I wasn't going to do an image share today, ah well, have one anyways

(https://i.imgur.com/NiiVsiG.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/IskjcqK.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/a1JAaYD.jpg)

I opted to stop progesterone again. I don't think it's helping me and I do think it's emotionally detrimental. I'll stop for a full month at least and see what happens.

There's that mysterious smile again. I love it!

I am taking a week off progesterone right now.  The result is a bit like applying noise reduction to one of my astrophotos: the static is reduced and everything seems smoother.  And this morning, my boobs felt like they had had a (small, really small) growth spurt overnight (3rd night without P).  Not sure what that is about, but I'll take it.  It will be interesting to compare with next week, when I plan to re-start it.  Regardless, I don't think I will ask for another prescription when this one runs out.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 29, 2019, 09:36:26 am
There's that mysterious smile again. I love it!

I am taking a week off progesterone right now.  The result is a bit like applying noise reduction to one of my astrophotos: the static is reduced and everything seems smoother.  And this morning, my boobs felt like they had had a (small, really small) growth spurt overnight (3rd night without P).  Not sure what that is about, but I'll take it.  It will be interesting to compare with next week, when I plan to re-start it.  Regardless, I don't think I will ask for another prescription when this one runs out.

Same here, I just feel .. less aggravated? less irritated? I guess, I dunno. I also just took my shot yesterday. I don't usually feel the up from that until the 2nd or 3rd day though.
-- speaking of the shot. They didn't change my needle size with the prescription UGH! Still a two-hand squeeze through a 1-1/2 length needle. It is very hard to manage by myself.--
Some people get mood issues even with micronized progesterone.
From one site:
Adverse Effects
>10%
Headache (10-31%)
Breast tenderness (16-27%)
Dizziness (15-24%)
Abdominal pain (10-20%)
Depression (19%)
Breast pain (6-16%)
Viral disease (7-12%)

1-10%
Fatigue (8-9%)
Nausea (8%)
Mood swings (6%)


ICK!!

I've also read that in rare cases it can convert to testosterone as part of a conversion chain .. I don't need that, I have plenty. Maybe after years it wouldn't. My body might still be looking for testosterone so converts it every chance that it gets.  I'll go with out. The possible good from progesterone is not worth it to me.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 29, 2019, 10:42:09 am
I had wanted to try Progesterone but my doctor didn't recommend it for multiple reasons, including mood changes.  I have enough of them without adding an initiator.  All those adverse effects make it look more and more like a good decision.   Thanks for today's photo!  Looking good! 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 30, 2019, 09:40:13 am
today is dysphoria induced anxiety day

UGH
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on October 30, 2019, 10:40:10 am
today is dysphoria induced anxiety day

UGH
UGH.

Hope things turn to the better soon. 





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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: ParkerTalks on October 30, 2019, 11:57:39 am
Thanks all. I guess I over think things and get worked up. I mean, I'm told 'woman' and yet people that see me clock me. Oh accepting as far as I can tell yet they know without being told. So there's something (not my voice) and it's eating at me. Add that to what I see for myself and it really gets me down.

Faith,

I agree with the others on the "male fail" bit, but I can also see why people clock you. I'm afraid you've just reached the inevitable point in transition of androgyny. So when you present male, it doesn't look right, and when you present female, that looks off too. It's just the way of the world, it will pass with time and hormones.

For the record though, you definitely look way closer to "female" than male, even in the "male" pictures. So I'd say you probably don't have that much longer to go in the androgynous stage.

I hope this helps, I mean to be frank, not insulting. Just trying to maybe give you answers.

 -:)<3 Parker
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 30, 2019, 12:46:11 pm
Thanks Tonya ... ugh :P

Frank, or is it Parker? I'll call you Parker ;D
Thanks, I don't have any issue at all with honest critique. Oh, it may bug me when I hear it yet it's still better than feel-good lies embellishments.

I told myself way back when that I'd be OK with androgynous .. I guess I lied to myself. I am getting better at looking at my face (except side profile, blech). Body issues abound however. The biggest is shared with many late-blooming MtF .. the triangle shape. I hide it in a lot of photos, rather well I think. Yet in a harsh, honest, straight on, photo it's obvious. Here's an example (not sure how long I can handle leaving it up)

Anyways, I always want honest feedback otherwise what's the point ......

(https://i.imgur.com/l30YkYv.jpg)

Oh, what the heck, here's today's stairwell selfie as well .....

(https://i.imgur.com/EKQMcjz.jpg)

neither are very complimentary
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: ParkerTalks on October 30, 2019, 01:57:22 pm
Thanks Tonya ... ugh :P

Frank, or is it Parker? I'll call you Parker ;D
Thanks, I don't have any issue at all with honest critique. Oh, it may bug me when I hear it yet it's still better than feel-good lies embellishments.

I told myself way back when that I'd be OK with androgynous .. I guess I lied to myself. I am getting better at looking at my face (except side profile, blech). Body issues abound however. The biggest is shared with many late-blooming MtF .. the triangle shape. I hide it in a lot of photos, rather well I think. Yet in a harsh, honest, straight on, photo it's obvious. Here's an example (not sure how long I can handle leaving it up)

Anyways, I always want honest feedback otherwise what's the point ......

(https://i.imgur.com/l30YkYv.jpg)

Oh, what the heck, here's today's stairwell selfie as well .....

(https://i.imgur.com/EKQMcjz.jpg)

neither are very complimentary

Honestly, body wise I think you've crossed the line into the "female" automatic passing range. Regardless of if you have a "triangle", so do many cis women. Remember that we always see things that we don't like and it doesn't necessarily reflect reality!
I think its your face thats still androgynous? But from what I know of MTF HRT, your face should still be changing in its fat and muscle structure for a few years to come, so I really wouldn't worry. (I also don't know how much it's already changed- if it hasn't changed much, it'll probably start soon, if it's already going, I wouldn't expect it to stop anytime soon.)

You definitely pass from afar, though. (From what I can tell in pictures) Your body shape and stance actually comes off a lot more feminine than you seem to be able to see. If I were walking past you down the street, my brain would just categorize "older woman" and move on with things.
I think the facial androgyny combined with the mildy-femme of center body is what gets people in conversation with you to stumble. Androgyny tends to really screw with people's brains. A lot of guys with long hair get super aggravated when people "she" them, so if someone sees an androgynous person with long hair, they're pretty likely to work hard to try and "figure it out".

Again, time is your friend (frienemy?)...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Emerald24 on October 30, 2019, 02:09:57 pm
hi long time lurker here :D. honestly Faith from behind you look a lot like my mother in law who was a dancer in her youth (at the moulin rouge amongst other places) she built a lot of body strength dancing especially in her back and shoulders and never really lost it and is also quite tall, in short if i saw you from behind i would see a female person.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: ParkerTalks on October 30, 2019, 02:30:01 pm
hi long time lurker here :D. honestly Faith from behind you look a lot like my mother in law who was a dancer in her youth (at the moulin rouge amongst other places) she built a lot of body strength dancing especially in her back and shoulders and never really lost it and is also quite tall, in short if i saw you from behind i would see a female person.


Emerald, I agree. This is a great comparison.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Nicole70 on October 30, 2019, 02:34:04 pm
Faith,

You look great honest, I’m actually a little envious.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 30, 2019, 04:02:35 pm
Parker, Face, yes. I had a set back with my meds that regressed my facial features a bit, even my wife noticed. I'm back on track now .. I hope. I have a thread on here somewhere that shows my walk (I work IT and have access to our security camera footage ;D )

Emerald, thank you for your input. What you've stated is similar to what the gals at work here tell me. I just have to get it into my head I guess :( You should stop lurking. I've read your posts, even replied to your first .. at least, I think it was your first post :P

Thank you both really, body dysphoria is my 2nd worst issue that I am dealing with.

Nicole!  you have no reason to be envious, I've seen your photos too you know. Plus, you're recovering from a certain procedure that makes me very envious of you.

Oh, Parker, before/after progress. Yeah, I have one on here somewhere for facial changes. Here's the compilation. The approximate dates are in the original post somewhere. The 2nd and 3rd are 1 year apart - Mar 2018/2019; the first is many years before.

(https://i.imgur.com/wwrIKbZ.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: ParkerTalks on October 30, 2019, 04:37:17 pm
Parker, Face, yes. I had a set back with my meds that regressed my facial features a bit, even my wife noticed. I'm back on track now .. I hope. I have a thread on here somewhere that shows my walk (I work IT and have access to our security camera footage ;D )

Emerald, thank you for your input. What you've stated is similar to what the gals at work here tell me. I just have to get it into my head I guess :( You should stop lurking. I've read your posts, even replied to your first .. at least, I think it was your first post :P

Thank you both really, body dysphoria is my 2nd worst issue that I am dealing with.

Nicole!  you have no reason to be envious, I've seen your photos too you know. Plus, you're recovering from a certain procedure that makes me very envious of you.

Oh, Parker, before/after progress. Yeah, I have one on here somewhere for facial changes. Here's the compilation. The approximate dates are in the original post somewhere. The 2nd and 3rd are 1 year apart - Mar 2018/2019; the first is many years before.

(https://i.imgur.com/wwrIKbZ.jpg)

Aha! progress! so much progress!
just keep trudging.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on October 31, 2019, 06:29:27 am
Faith, the first thing I noticed about your shape in the photo from behind is that you have some nice hips happening.  Okay, they are not huge, but they are there.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 31, 2019, 07:34:09 am
Aha! progress! so much progress!
just keep trudging.

:)

Faith, the first thing I noticed about your shape in the photo from behind is that you have some nice hips happening.  Okay, they are not huge, but they are there.

thx Kathy. I've noticed for myself. not so much in photos yet when I put my hands on my hips I can feel it. Definitely some extra padding there now ... I'm still not bikini ready :icon_yikes:
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 31, 2019, 11:53:09 am
I didn't so much for Halloween @ work.
Basic orange + brown slacks (that you can't see.)

(https://i.imgur.com/LWM8JcJ.jpg)

and black cat danglies
(https://i.imgur.com/cohx05d.jpg)

I don't even know if there's an 'ok' provision in our department. I know some departments can dress up.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on October 31, 2019, 12:44:02 pm
Love the black cat earrings!

Happy Halloween 👻
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on October 31, 2019, 01:12:15 pm
Love the black cat earrings!

Happy Halloween 👻

thx, I couldn't wear them last year (I didn't have pierced ears :P ) It was a toss-up between the cat or the candy corn.

Oh ..  ¿Happy? All Hallows' Eve to you as well. Love the avatar. How long did it take to put that make-up on? HAH!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: christinej78 on October 31, 2019, 02:58:06 pm
:)

thx Kathy. I've noticed for myself. not so much in photos yet when I put my hands on my hips I can feel it. Definitely some extra padding there now ... I'm still not bikini ready :icon_yikes:

Hi Faith,                        31 October 2019

I don't think I have posted on your thread prior to now. I have been following it for quite some time and have seen your avatars and photos you have posted. I noticed one flaw; Sometimes you take your photo down. Why, you are absolutely Beautiful.

Reading your posts also tells me you also have a nice personality, another plus. Quit worrying about what others may think. We are not mind-readers; most likely, whatever idea we have of what they are thinking is erroneous.

Take care young lady; you are already a success in your transition.

Best Always, Love

Christine
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Anne Blake on October 31, 2019, 03:47:45 pm
Hi Faith,

Deb and I agree with what Christine says! But you already knew that

Love you girl,
Tia Anne & Debi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on October 31, 2019, 03:50:03 pm
thx, I couldn't wear them last year (I didn't have pierced ears :P ) It was a toss-up between the cat or the candy corn.

Unmatched earrings are a thing. Wear one of each! Push that envelope!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 01, 2019, 06:48:01 am
Hi Faith,                        31 October 2019
  I don't think I have posted on your thread prior to now. I have been following it for quite some time and have seen your avatars and photos you have posted. I noticed one flaw; Sometimes you take your photo down. Why, you are absolutely Beautiful.
  Reading your posts also tells me you also have a nice personality, another plus. Quit worrying about what others may think. We are not mind-readers; most likely, whatever idea we have of what they are thinking is erroneous.
  Take care young lady; you are already a success in your transition.
Best Always, Love
Christine

I don't recall, I don't think so. I've seen your posts around but not here. Probably due to the oppressive gloom that permeates it most of the time.
- photos - yeah, when the nasties hit I cannot stand to look at myself nor let others, so I purge my imgur photos. Beautiful? Well, I'll leave you to your opinion. Keep in mind, cataracts are horrible. Don't wait too long to get them removed.  ;D

Hi Faith,
  Deb and I agree with what Christine says! But you already knew that
Love you girl,
Tia Anne & Debi

TIA !!! (well, ok, you too Debi ;D )
 Yes, I know :) Miss you two. Your visit was too short.

Unmatched earrings are a thing. Wear one of each! Push that envelope!

I seriously considered it, decided not to.


It's Friday. My mood is slowly working it's way up. Is it because I stopped progesterone? Or is it because the last week of the month is ending? 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on November 01, 2019, 02:52:23 pm
Parker, Face, yes. I had a set back with my meds that regressed my facial features a bit, even my wife noticed. I'm back on track now .. I hope. I have a thread on here somewhere that shows my walk (I work IT and have access to our security camera footage ;D )

Emerald, thank you for your input. What you've stated is similar to what the gals at work here tell me. I just have to get it into my head I guess :( You should stop lurking. I've read your posts, even replied to your first .. at least, I think it was your first post :P

Thank you both really, body dysphoria is my 2nd worst issue that I am dealing with.

Nicole!  you have no reason to be envious, I've seen your photos too you know. Plus, you're recovering from a certain procedure that makes me very envious of you.

Oh, Parker, before/after progress. Yeah, I have one on here somewhere for facial changes. Here's the compilation. The approximate dates are in the original post somewhere. The 2nd and 3rd are 1 year apart - Mar 2018/2019; the first is many years before.

(https://i.imgur.com/wwrIKbZ.jpg)

OMG Faith! You have changed SOOO MUCH. And for the better in my opinion. Oh! I didn't notice any unmatched earrings? I didn't know it was a thing either. Guess I don't get out much. But why not?

Hugs lady!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 01, 2019, 04:37:13 pm
OMG Faith! You have changed SOOO MUCH. And for the better in my opinion. Oh! I didn't notice any unmatched earrings? I didn't know it was a thing either. Guess I don't get out much. But why not?

Hugs lady!

thank you Donica. I wish that I still looked that good. Lots of reversion these past couple months. I look like <poo> now
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Rachel on November 01, 2019, 05:19:32 pm
Hi Faith, every time I look at your posts I say to myself I love your hair.

I agree, there has been a huge change in pics over time and I think you look female.

As far as earrings IDK.

As far as periodic depression, I started to say to myself it will pass and go to bed early. I know it did not cure the underlying cause but it helped as the next day I was in a better frame of mind. I was way too critical of myself so I know how that feels.

Faith, sometimes it helps to count the things that have improved instead of the things you find fault with. You have a lot of very positive change.

Rachel Lynn

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 03, 2019, 06:27:22 am
I tried so hard the past couple days to wear based on what I like and not how it's seen (specifically by me) .. I failed. It made me feel absolutely horrible knowing how my body shape would throw off the look. Photos confirmed it. I looked so ridiculous. Back to body draping/hiding clothing for me. I need to find a tent that has a pattern that I like. Maybe a drapery curtain, I'll just cut a hole for my head to make a poncho that reaches my feet.

image driven depression is really killing me. I wish that I could walk around and the only things that anyone could see is from the chest up .. upper chest!

For example, this was me yesterday, from the chest up
(https://i.imgur.com/vcEGQwc.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/fdxKEE5.jpg)
I may look old but at least it's an old woman look (mostly).

I'll not share the bottom portion of the photos, it's embarrassing enough seeing it for myself and knowing that I went into public that way. I can't wait to get back to work, at least there I have more distractions.


medical side note:

I got this in the mail, I wonder if I should make an appointment .....
(https://i.imgur.com/QEu9mqX.jpg)


life sucks
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on November 03, 2019, 06:46:09 am

I got this in the mail, I wonder if I should make an appointment .....
(https://i.imgur.com/QEu9mqX.jpg)


I would say yes to the question above Faith, go get your boobs squashed. Look at all those happy women in the mailer, reminding you. My Dr requested having mammograms taken starting in my 3rd year of HRT, and each year since...I have the peace of mind knowing I am OK.

Your changes in the pictures above are quite dramatic over time, and like others have said, focus on the positive changes, you have much to be grateful for.

Have a nice Sunday

Cyndi -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on November 03, 2019, 06:53:34 am
Millenium, the physicians group that is working very hard to double dip into my wallet!  It is sad that they seem to be the preferred group for Humana insurance!

I have not received some reminder like this....yet!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 03, 2019, 10:03:03 am
I will likely go get squished, at least it's free .. insurance confirmed that at least.

body shape. Time to really put it out there and embarrass myself. Here's a couple weekend shots. we just got back from the park with the little one. It was breezy cool so I dressed warm - then it got too warm.

This sort of shows my body shape distresses. Nothing others aren't dealing with yet it's me so I feel much worse about it
(https://i.imgur.com/pRWMCXf.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/h4J6An2.jpg)

guy shape; guy butt; gal distress
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 05, 2019, 07:05:38 am
so, Sunday evening and into Monday was a severe spiral. PHOTO PURGE  yeah. Anyways, I don't regret the removals, they were really bothering me. I only purged online where others can see. I still have the photos myself. Sorry for those of you that want to see them, you're better off without them.

It was a rough day at work yesterday. No makeup, severely tied back hair, jeans, long sleeved mens XL-XT (xtra tall) button up shirt.

I tried to stay out of the way yet it's kind of impossible. I bumped into one of my gal friends who happened to look just like I felt .. yeah, 1st day of her 'weekly' tearing her up. Another gal friend met up, then another. The two noticed how the one gal friend and myself were mirroring each other .. ah well :/

I bumped into another gal, that I don't see often, on my way out the back door. She started off with a smile, took one look at my face and was immediately sympathetic and compassionate. Have I mentioned that My eyes and face reflect what I am feeling. I don't hide well.

I got together with the 1st gal friends, and the last one, later in the afternoon and we just sat there talking and commiserating. I felt much better after that 30+ minute chat. Well enough to get through the evening. I'm still doing a bit better today, at least I managed to get properly dressed. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

I saw a couple postings on Facebook that I thought I would share rather than any icky photos of myself.

This one made me think of Danielle:
(https://i.imgur.com/gNABQx7.png)

This one
(https://i.imgur.com/wBDLHA4.png)

Made me think of all the people on Susan's of whom lament the time lost before addressing their true selves and progressing in whichever manner is appropriate for them
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Linde on November 05, 2019, 08:11:05 am
Faith, this wisdom is so very true!  It is never to late.  As old as I am, I am looking forward to get GRS.  Not for any sexual purpose, but just to look "whole". 
It is never too late to look whole, and be the person you were meant to be!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 05, 2019, 07:24:08 pm
"Have I mentioned that My eyes and face reflect what I am feeling. I don't hide well."   
I can related to that.  Its a big tattle tale.

"I got together with the 1st gal friends, and the last one, later in the afternoon and we just sat there talking and commiserating. I felt much better after that 30+ minute chat."
Sometimes this is all it takes to move us along to a better place, even if for a while.  I'm glad to hear you have these people in your life.  Hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 06, 2019, 08:45:17 am
Last night I wanted to delete my threads and my account. Today I'm ... meh. I hate feeling this way. I try to be honest with myself, with my postings, yet inevitably I feel inadequate. I think I've deleted more responses in other topics than I've made .. at least it feels like it. Many posts in my own topic here should be deleted, in my mind anyways.

I do believe that I feel this way due to being progressively stuck. No way back (who'd want to?); no way forward (can't get there). Here I am, a halfway something-or-other; neither this-nor-that.

In the old days I was something. It was wrong for me yet, still, I was something. Now what am I? I am not who I want to be. I am not where I want to be. The way forward is blocked, the road closed. I am facing a wall with a foggy mirror. An ill-reflection of self. I don't need a <poor> old mirror, I need a window that I can climb through.

I'm skirting along the wall looking for a window and finding only mirrors.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on November 06, 2019, 09:40:39 am
A lot of us get stuck in limbo waiting for the slow wheels to turn, wait for coming out, wait for acceptance, wait for HRT, wait to see clinics and so on . Takes some patience and its a long haul , hang on in there dear as it is working for you .
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 06, 2019, 10:15:37 am
Faith, don't be so hard on yourself.  As to being "something" in times past, yes that is true but don't discount yourself.  You are still "something," its just something different and this is good.  To stay the same is never good as the world evolves around us.  Think of your co-workers who now enjoy your presence.  You are something to them. 

Your road forward is not so much blocked as much as it is foggy.  This mist will lift in due time (or is it "dew" time?) We all face uncertainly in life.  Its always been this way it seems.  I am sure you have faced more daunting times in your life.  I know I have. 

I understand the need for a window to climb through to a new you (or me.)  I imagine a scene like Elton John's "Good-bye Yellow Brick Road" cover art.  There has got to be a better place!  But in the end like Dorothy we find where we are is good when we take a different view of it.  You've come so far.  And yet you have so far to go. 

I truly wish you a good day.   
Judi 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on November 06, 2019, 11:25:17 am
Faith,

I'll second Judi's comment that you are fearfully hard on yourself.  You are as much something today as you ever were, though I appreciate that you aren't what you want to end up being. But you're realer today than in the past. 

I think some of your struggles simply stem from the inescapable socialization you absorbed growing up.  You were tagged as male, and absorbed society's vision of what a man should be.  You were taught that gay and trans people were lesser beings (and that is a generous version of the lesson).  And now you have to unlearn that and accept that Faith is on equal footing with your old self. It is hard.  I struggle mightily with it ever day.

I understand your frustration with where you are in your journey.  I hope you can climb over some of the hurdles soon. But you have come so far.  Your before and after photos are sooo dramatic.  You really are a lovely, feminine transwoman.  By all means continue down your path but embrace where you are on it today.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sarah-Red on November 06, 2019, 11:32:00 am
You're you, no matter what. It's hard when you want more, of course, and that's still worth being open to. But just remember to look inside for who you are, it's there no matter what you look like. From the photos I saw, it seemed to be getting pretty good, too.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 06, 2019, 01:55:25 pm
I'm lucky to have the gals here at work looking out for me. The really help me over the rough spots .. when I let them know at least. People here as well. When I am too far down I limit my reading on here. If it's too positive it makes me feel bad .. if it's bad it makes me feel worse :-/  That's why I end up 'hiding' in my own thread a lot. Then I get down if no one posts .. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom.

I don't think I mentioned this, well in part I did. Way back a couple weeks when I was feeling down, and the gals were around me, one of the guys came up between the two gals, looked me in the eyes and said, Hi, how are you doing .. ACK!! .. Seriously, it was my very first fluster moment just because a guy spoke to me. Granted, he is really good lookin'. I barely stammered Hi back and I couldn't maintain eye contact.

Yeah, the gals made a bit a fun at my expense afterwards.

If I recounted that already, sorry, my brain is jumping all over the place today.  Not much to add for today. I am simply trying to get though the day without getting any worse.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sarah-Red on November 06, 2019, 02:07:42 pm
I'm lucky to have the gals here at work looking out for me. The really help me over the rough spots .. when I let them know at least. People here as well. When I am too far down I limit my reading on here. If it's too positive it makes me feel bad .. if it's bad it makes me feel worse :-/  That's why I end up 'hiding' in my own thread a lot. Then I get down if no one posts .. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom.

I don't think I mentioned this, well in part I did. Way back a couple weeks when I was feeling down, and the gals were around me, one of the guys came up between the two gals, looked me in the eyes and said, Hi, how are you doing .. ACK!! .. Seriously, it was my very first fluster moment just because a guy spoke to me. Granted, he is really good lookin'. I barely stammered Hi back and I couldn't maintain eye contact.

Yeah, the gals made a bit a fun at my expense afterwards.

If I recounted that already, sorry, my brain is jumping all over the place today.  Not much to add for today. I am simply trying to get though the day without getting any worse.

I havent been here long, so I hope it doesn't feel like I'm just going in here like I know my stuff, cuz I dont, but I'd love to see you not get so down on yourself. One amazing thing about you is how honest you are about your feelings. I've never seen someone so honest about how they feel including about wanting to delete their posts and all that. I never understood why people did that, maybe it helps me understand a little. To me it feels like there's some kind of emptiness somewhere sucking at the rest of your feelings. If it's strong then I'm not sure saying anything positive will help, but I will still say that there is lots of goodness in life, including in yours, and you may not see it when you feel like this, but it's there. It's ok to be imperfect, and even your posts dont need to be perfect, people listen, and care, and it's ok, you can be how you are. Just remember how you like to be in your heart too.

If you need to voice even more your feelings, it could sometimes help to say how hurt you feel about some things, at least to get it out and maybe towards healing. Before it's said, sometimes it just sits there and nags at you. Anyway, I hope you can find something for you, and just do your best towards feeling a little better. Things look very different when there's different feelings around.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 06, 2019, 07:54:49 pm
Sarah, you can chime in all you want. If I'm going to put my thoughts out there it'd be rather idiotic to not expect thoughts in return. I'm not fond of platitudes (although sometimes they are suitable). Speak your mind. The only time that is unsuitable is if it's done to insult or belittle or it's derisive or .. you get the idea.

I put myself down a lot .. well, yes I do and I share it on here because those are my thoughts at the time, for good or ill .. usually ill. Most likely people lose interest in me because of it, oh well. I can't post in here all happy giddy if that is not what I am feeling. So, sometimes people get <poo> from me because I feel like <poo>. At least I try to save it for here where it's easier to scrape your boots off after stepping in it ;D

!! RETAIL THERAPY !!

My wife read my FB post ... oops ...  :-\ Well, I got a lot of new articles of clothing out of it .. not my intent. If I feel decent I'll snap photos tomorrow and Friday so that you can see them. We hadn't been thrift store shopping in a while, felt pretty good.

bedtime now (good thing you can't see my grainy-eyed face!)

g'night
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sarah-Red on November 06, 2019, 08:01:21 pm
Sarah, you can chime in all you want. If I'm going to put my thoughts out there it'd be rather idiotic to not expect thoughts in return. I'm not fond of platitudes (although sometimes they are suitable). Speak your mind. The only time that is unsuitable is if it's done to insult or belittle or it's derisive or .. you get the idea.

I put myself down a lot .. well, yes I do and I share it on here because those are my thoughts at the time, for good or ill .. usually ill. Most likely people lose interest in me because of it, oh well. I can't post in here all happy giddy if that is not what I am feeling. So, sometimes people get <poo> from me because I feel like <poo>. At least I try to save it for here where it's easier to scrape your boots off after stepping in it ;D

!! RETAIL THERAPY !!

My wife read my FB post ... oops ...  :-\ Well, I got a lot of new articles of clothing out of it .. not my intent. If I feel decent I'll snap photos tomorrow and Friday so that you can see them. We hadn't been thrift store shopping in a while, felt pretty good.

bedtime now (good thing you can't see my grainy-eyed face!)

g'night

Oh.. well I didn't mean I don't like to see your posts, I meant I don't like that you're getting down on yourself. That's not an expectation or anything, and the rest of my post was to try to say that I think it's great you can be honest with your feelings, and more.

It's good to acknowledge how you feel, ..& beyond 'only' voicing it,.. like how do you feel about getting down on yourself? That might stir up other feelings too. I mean it's entirely possible you'd just get down on yourself for getting down on yourself :P But I'd look past that as well.

There's a lot of feelings to our heart, and sometimes they can help deal with other ones. They can be hard to see right off the bat depending on how you feel, but they're there and sometimes possible to come up.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 07, 2019, 06:12:23 am
no photos

I look ridiculous and I can't go home and change
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on November 07, 2019, 07:29:18 am




I do believe that I feel this way due to being progressively stuck. No way back (who'd want to?); no way forward (can't get there). Here I am, a halfway something-or-other; neither this-nor-that.



Faith, the only thing stuck in the middle is your perception of yourself. 

Yeah its a big thing though,  and no I don't know how to fix it.

All I can offer is encouragement and the reminder that no matter what you think you're seeing and no matter what you're telling yourself, you are a woman, you are Faith.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sarah-Red on November 07, 2019, 10:37:24 am
Don't give up Faith. I'm sure you know or can remember what matters to you, to take with you.

I know it's hard to not focus on the worst things. I can tell that's what you're doing based on what I saw yesterday. When you feel like that, that is. Things are better than they seem, and I still believe it may take to go inside your heart and feel out some of the pain that's causing it.

I remember when I felt so bad that my perception of things narrowed so much like that. It's not fun, things seem really bad. But there really is more going on around. Anyway, wanted to at least say that.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 07, 2019, 10:49:30 am
I know it's mostly self-perception. My whole life has been self-deprecating. I was raised on the 'middle child not quite good enough' feelings. Some self-inflicted and some earned. Overcoming that, yeah, I may be dead before I manage that one.

On a plus .. the gals at worked made some serious jaw-dropping expressions when they saw me. They really liked my outfit ........ it's just me .. surprise!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sarah-Red on November 07, 2019, 11:26:37 am
I know it's mostly self-perception. My whole life has been self-deprecating. I was raised on the 'middle child not quite good enough' feelings. Some self-inflicted and some earned. Overcoming that, yeah, I may be dead before I manage that one.

On a plus .. the gals at worked made some serious jaw-dropping expressions when they saw me. They really liked my outfit ........ it's just me .. surprise!!

Have faith, Faith :)
You can do it if you have your heart set on it. Though for that do have to care about how you feel and want the best for you, even if there's some things that take longer to budge. Some things do more, especially when you're willing to see how far you can take it. Sometimes it's not even about 'pushing', but just realizing some things on a level that feels deeper to you. (and not just identifying with the feelings you experience. Though they can be faced or listened to too in some ways)

And i'll leave it there since I don't want to be overbearing with anything. I'll check your thread once in a while. For now I'll move on and try to focus on what's important to me. take care dear. <3

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 07, 2019, 11:53:11 am
less looking at myself and more being myself. Yeah ....

I'm not always this bad, maybe the next time you come around I'll be on a upswing.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 07, 2019, 01:00:09 pm
I still do better with my head shots than I used to. Facial profiles, ick. Still, I am getting better.
(https://i.imgur.com/fC0HKHj.jpg)

As for full body, very rarely do I like them .. at all!  For today, even with all the positive feedback that I received from the gals, I could not manage to save any full body photo - I deleted them all.  I did manage to retain some window reflection images. Since I am hard to see it doesn't bother me as badly.

(https://i.imgur.com/jY0v9i9.jpg)

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sarah-Red on November 07, 2019, 02:27:56 pm
less looking at myself and more being myself. Yeah ....

I'm not always this bad, maybe the next time you come around I'll be on a upswing.

Well I like to hear that  ^-^

And other than that, keep on keeping on :) I find your white hair kind of beautiful.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 08, 2019, 06:19:35 am
And again I am toying with the idea of deleting all my threads and my account. I really get the feeling that I don't belong here. Oh, not about being transgender, that ship sailed. No putting that back into port. No, more that I don't fit here. Many things have changed on the forums since I joined. It's not like I actually participate in the forums either. I just stick my head in from time to time to make a fool of myself.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on November 08, 2019, 07:05:55 am
Many things have changed on the forums since I joined.

I can say the same thing Faith, as I've been a member here since 2010, things change, people move on, new people come in, and that's what keeps it interesting for me. I for one would miss your company here if you did move on. But we all must do what's best for ourselves.

Hope you have nice weekend.

Cyndi -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on November 08, 2019, 08:16:36 am
Dear Faith

You belong here and fit in here as much as anyone else.  What may be happening is, for whatever reason, you are no longer getting what you need from this site. 

Could be you no longer need what you got here when you first joined.
 
I've been on a little over 3 years and have seen lots of people come and go.  Some pop in every now and then, some have totally disappeared.

If you need a break, I hope you'll be able to pop in and say high now and then.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sarah-Red on November 08, 2019, 09:04:49 am
Dear Faith

You belong here and fit in here as much as anyone else.  What may be happening is, for whatever reason, you are no longer getting what you need from this site. 

Could be you no longer need what you got here when you first joined.
 
I've been on a little over 3 years and have seen lots of people come and go.  Some pop in every now and then, some have totally disappeared.

If you need a break, I hope you'll be able to pop in and say high now and then.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

That's a good point. Sometimes people need a little more of something that they dont get from where they originally felt they were getting it. In a way it can be normal not just because things change but because we change. It can be worth exploring what would feel better. And adding some new things.

But @Faith ,

Why would you delete everything? Some people might benefit from seeing your journey. Even with posts where you shared your troubles and hurt, others replied to them and conveyed things not just to you but to the feelings involved. I think it's unfair of you to delete everything, taking away something that someone could've potentitally gained from, relating to your posts and maybe even gaining from the dynamic that happened. You're free to do what you want, of course, but I don't see the point in erasing your presence. You left a footprint, and that's definitely not a bad thing.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 08, 2019, 12:06:43 pm
delete myself .. because when I get this way (often) the first thing I want to do is extricate myself from everything and everyone. With an online forum that means purge .. photos usually go first; remove my postings (do that individually already); lock my threads (done that a couple times); remove all my content .. haven't done that yet. Why would anyone look to me for anything when I cannot even look to myself. A few thousand posts and where am I .. still floundering, still depressed, still feeling alone and worthless, still feeling ugly. If my hair was all that mattered I'd have it made.

Do I think no one cares? Nah, I know better. No one said that depression was logical.

What do I get from this site? shadows and mirrors of myself exacerbating my feelings. People who were worse off or similar to me that have moved on to meet or surpass their goals. Not that I think that they have solved everything yet, still, they met goals that I cannot even realize in my dreams.

yeah

nothing to see here except wallowing self-pity
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 08, 2019, 12:25:25 pm
Faith I understand you are in a funk right now and nothing we say will fix it.  It has to pass on its own.  But I will say you appear to have met some of your goals (from what I have read).  We all see the change last so please don't discount your advancements. 

If you need a break, please take one but don't delete the account.  I am sure you will feel better at some point and want to reconnect.  The community here is small but we're fierce!  We need you as much as you need us.
Hugs, Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sarah-Red on November 08, 2019, 12:45:08 pm
Ok. Well, I isolate myself when I'm feeling bad, so I guess I can understand it a little. Unfortunately, I don't think I have the capacity to help you see things better, your feelings are affecting you way too much and you don't see the good around you that's right there. I have trouble valuing my progress too, it's one of my biggest faults, and I can see you have it too, at least when you feel like that. I don't think I can help you as is, but all I can say is that I hope you get a glimmer that shows you that things aren't how they feel to you in those moods, and that there's lots to appreciate, and more possible than you think. There's a lot more possible gender-wise too, but you probably have trouble conceiving of that because of how you feel too.

I'm sure your heart wants to feel better, and not use everything against yourself. There's different things you can do, like delving deeper to feel the pain and heal some of your wounds, or snap out of it knowing that it's pointless to victimize yourself so much. It's hard to help someone who ..., even if it's because their self-esteem's plummeted and they dont believe they can be. You can be, but you have to decide whether you want to or not. You don't have to listen to the feelings that tell you everything is worthless, they don't know sh*t. (but also be easy on yourself)
Anyway, do what you will Faith. Just try to be true to your heart.

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: ParkerTalks on November 08, 2019, 12:55:31 pm
Please don't delete your account Faith!!

I know the urge to purge can be strong but keep hanging on. We all love having you here and talking to you, seeing your progress.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 09, 2019, 08:59:42 am
Thanks for your responses. I'd like to respond to each one but I can't. I have no idea what words to type. I'll probably reach out to our support group leader or make a therapist appointment.  I don't know. Lori is working extra hard to keep me on an even keel.

I actually felt like sharing a few photos in the fab thread until I saw the photos in there .. I'll stay in here.

I woke up a bit ragged ..
(https://i.imgur.com/Ix1GEb2.jpg)
yeah, I lazed around the house in my pajamas for a while

We talked about going to the store so I cleaned up as best I could .. we're still home.
(https://i.imgur.com/voVcwSB.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/q36jjXz.jpg)

jeans and top are from my aforementioned retail therapy shopping trip. The jeans are stretch fit, very comfy. Nice pattern on them that you can't see.

I tried on a couple dresses that my wife had given to her that were too small large (oops :P )for her. One was OK, the other two, one too small although it looked nice. The other fit yet didn't suit me. No photos.

look fast before they're gone.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on November 09, 2019, 09:09:21 am
Good Morning Faith, very nice smile (in the green top) in that pix  :)

I know how images here can be "transient" in nature  :D

Have a nice day

Cyndi -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 09, 2019, 09:16:41 am
Good morning!  Brrr its cold here. 
You look fine!  I hope your day is looking up. 

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Sarah-Red on November 09, 2019, 09:27:49 am
Hey you look pretty good with your hair tied up too, and I like your (purple) shirt :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 09, 2019, 10:15:09 am
Thanks, today is a bit better, I can feel the clouds around the edges. Plus I'm trying to get sick .. no, I'm not trying. Why do people say it that way. I'm getting sick without trying!!

I take care to pose exactly right for the best possible photo, which is why it bothers me so much when they don't come out. I delete 99.999% of my photos, especially the candid ones or any that show facial profile.

Yes, a smile makes a big difference. I have trouble smiling.

***purple shirt***
that's  the top that I wear for my pajamas :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on November 09, 2019, 02:35:26 pm
It might be your jim jams but you still look great. XXXXXXX
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: sinfullybliss on November 09, 2019, 03:29:47 pm
Your hair is beautiful!! Agh  ;D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 09, 2019, 03:51:57 pm
Your hair is beautiful!! Agh  ;D

TY

my single redeeming feature.

Hey you look pretty good with your hair tied up too, and I like your (purple) shirt :)

yes, I saw this compliment sneak in. An optometrist can help you with that  .. or better yet an ophthalmologist ... HAH!!


It might be your jim jams but you still look great. XXXXXXX

Heya Davina, always the positive one. You know, I read your thread and I have to ask .. is that english? I mean, I can make out some of the words but others look like words yet mean nothing (to me) :P  It makes me feel like we're worlds apart ... oh wait ....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on November 09, 2019, 05:58:40 pm
Jim Jams, pjs, sleep shirt what ever. The top is nice and that's a pretty good "woke up like this" picture

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on November 10, 2019, 09:21:42 am
Yes it is the Queens English (unlike some corrupted forms) OK that's me being flippant , being a country girl we have a lot of local sayings and a South Worcestershire accent .
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on November 19, 2019, 08:07:15 am
Look what's re-appeared  :) it's just been soooo transient....

I hope your day is a good one Faith, by the time you read this  ;)

C
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on November 19, 2019, 08:10:49 am
Yes it is the Queens English (unlike some corrupted forms) OK that's me being flippant , being a country girl we have a lot of local sayings and a South Worcestershire accent .

I like reading your "local sayings" and Queens English when posted Davina :) Variety is the spice of life....

C
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jessica on November 19, 2019, 08:29:48 am
Great to see this thread up and running again Faith 🌸🌸🌸
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: TonyaW on November 19, 2019, 08:34:38 am


Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 19, 2019, 10:30:09 am
@Faith
My dear Faith:
I am so very happy, again, so very happy that you have reinstated your "Faith's Progress" thread.
Hopefully we all can catch up with each other's life endeavors as our journeys continue.

Perhaps our comment exchanges can include pictures as we may feel so inclined.

Again, it is great to see your thread back up and running again.
Many HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 39


MY Avatar--> (https://i.imgur.com/USu4hEN.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 19, 2019, 10:31:51 am
Hello Faith. I'm glad to see you're back online!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on November 19, 2019, 03:22:42 pm
Oh did you leave Faith. I've been popping in and out here and there. I guess I missed it. I have been busy lately.

Well, I'm glad your back Faith.

Hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on November 19, 2019, 04:10:17 pm
Welcome home , you have been missed.XXXXXX
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: ParkerTalks on November 19, 2019, 09:23:38 pm
Glad to see you back Faith!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 20, 2019, 09:23:40 am
Back, well that's hit or miss. I felt, as others did, that's it was best to reinstate my topics for future newcomers and lurkers that may find their way in from a search. I tested a google search and a lot of my progress posts showed up - with dead links. Now they aren't dead.

Since I am in here today, I'll go ahead and do a catch-up fab thread post as there has been some mention of photo updates.

As for me, Things are improving again as my meds are more balanced, finally! I am going to ask for an estradiol increase on my next Dr visit. I think it'll help even more.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 20, 2019, 09:40:11 am
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I will  be eagerly looking for your next update post on your thread here...
...and Pictures too !!!  ???


Quote from: Faith
Since I am in here today, I'll go ahead and do a catch-up fab thread post as there has been some mention of photo updates.

HUGS,
Danielle

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 39
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: SarahJaneSmith on November 20, 2019, 09:52:03 am
All the older photos appear to be missing.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 20, 2019, 10:02:22 am
All the older photos appear to be missing.

yes, sorry. I tend to self-purge when in a funk.

I posted a few today in the 'fab' thread
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,248318.msg2322886.html#msg2322886 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,248318.msg2322886.html#msg2322886)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 22, 2019, 07:25:50 am
minor update of nothing to note. Absolutely nothing significant happened over the past little while. I am still stuck in the middle place of nowhere, mishmash of this and that.

I popped in over here because Stephanie's thread is too noisy. I'd imagine her ears hurt so ... squeee ... shh, keep it down .....
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on November 22, 2019, 08:48:07 am
Wake up getting my washboard out bbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrr .
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: steph2.0 on November 22, 2019, 10:04:32 am
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191122/61f17ec7033e62c87b03e0fc3c67b173.jpg)


-Stephanie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 22, 2019, 10:13:53 am
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191122/61f17ec7033e62c87b03e0fc3c67b173.jpg)


-Stephanie

I said ....

(https://nerdtechy.com/wp-content/uploads/bfi_thumb/best-megaphone-bullhorn-with-siren-35jgsvptqpjjoaul71dz4a.jpg)
.                       squeeeeeEEEEEEEE
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 22, 2019, 01:38:43 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I am so glad that you came back to your thread.... 
....your followers need to read your updates and see your pictures that you post.

My sweetie ToothFairy and I will be heading to Montana to be with her family for Thanksgiving soon.
We will be gone for several weeks, not sure when I will be getting back home.

I want to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and a wonderful and Merry Christmas season...
HUGS,
Danielle




Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 39



***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,243696.0.html)
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,236395.0.html)
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,249181.0.html)
Mammogram alert (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,250316.0.html)
Positive Mindset... put away negativity (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.0.html)
Susans Writers and Book Readers (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,237827.0.html)
Trouble posting pictures??? HERE ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,239999.0.html)
Trouble Posting a VIDEO??? HERE ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,243185.0.html)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 22, 2019, 02:39:01 pm
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I am so glad that you came back to your thread.... 
....your followers need to read your updates and see your pictures that you post.

My sweetie ToothFairy and I will be heading to Montana to be with her family for Thanksgiving soon.
We will be gone for several weeks, not sure when I will be getting back home.

I want to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and a wonderful and Merry Christmas season...
HUGS,
Danielle


enjoy your trip I'll encompass all with a 'Happy Holidays'. Well, Ok, nevermind. I never was anygood at PC ... Merry Xmas :)
(https://i.imgur.com/NkkJTdu.jpg)
rough Friday .. can you tell?
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on November 22, 2019, 03:33:22 pm
NO , you look great to me and yes I am wearing my new glasses!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 25, 2019, 08:00:22 am
last time in for (a while/ever).

Without stating anything specific: Things change and things that you've leaned on give way. You either stand or fall over. I'm going to go stand in a different corner, the walls of my old corner caved in.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: MaryT on December 12, 2019, 10:04:26 pm
Amen and God bless.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on January 09, 2020, 09:56:33 am
It's been a while Faith and at some point I hope you will see this (your account is still active), just thinking of you here in the new year, hope things are going well for you and your family. I hope you had a nice holiday season, and want to wish you the best here in 2020.

Cyndi -
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Emerald24 on January 09, 2020, 06:42:26 pm
happy new year faith wherever you are hope you are doing well
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on February 29, 2020, 06:40:00 pm
@Faith - just thinking of you Faith today, I realize you may not see this, but hope all is well with you and your family.

Thanks for the email, btw  :)

Hugs

Cyndi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on March 03, 2020, 09:00:40 am
I'm alive

you know how to find me
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on March 03, 2020, 09:20:54 am
Hi Faith
Glad you're alive and all.
Keep on doing that please.
That's my plan anyway.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Wendi on March 03, 2020, 09:22:34 am
I'm glad to hear you are still around also. I was sending prayers your way.

Hugs

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on March 03, 2020, 09:40:05 am
I'm alive

you know how to find me

 :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 03, 2020, 06:39:44 pm
I'm alive

you know how to find me


Hi Faith!

Chrissy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 10, 2020, 08:20:09 am
Hey Y'all

I'm sticking my head in to say HI to everyone that cares, or doesn't care - hi to you as well.

60 today .. oof, didn't think I'd make it. Sometimes I think I won't make it another day - but that's a longer conversation not for today.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on June 10, 2020, 08:31:33 am
Hey Y'all

I'm sticking my head in to say HI to everyone that cares, or doesn't care - hi to you as well.

60 today .. oof, didn't think I'd make it. Sometimes I think I won't make it another day - but that's a longer conversation not for today.

Hi Faith ! Nice to see you posting here this morning. Congrats on making it to 60 !  :)

Do have a rockin' day

Cyndi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 10, 2020, 09:08:56 am
Hey Y'all

I'm sticking my head in to say HI to everyone that cares, or doesn't care - hi to you as well.

60 today .. oof, didn't think I'd make it. Sometimes I think I won't make it another day - but that's a longer conversation not for today.
@Faith
Dear Faith:
I am so very glad to see you come back to your thread to peek in and say hello... and please know that there are a lot of your followers here that DO CARE !!!

Wishing you a very
       Happy Birthday 🎁🎉
             :icon_birthday:       :icon_birthday:

HUGS, and more HUGS
Danielle
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on June 10, 2020, 09:11:56 am
Hi Faith,

Great to see you post again.  I'm sure you have your reasons for not being active.  Sure hope you and yours are all ok.  Much love sent your way.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Wendi on June 10, 2020, 09:21:28 am
Good morning Faith. Glad to see you pop back in to say hello.

Sent from my SM-G986U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 10, 2020, 09:24:05 am
Many a struggle past and present that I'll not get into. I'm still fighting a regression that occurred with a med change a year ago. I simply have not made it back to where I was. I am depressed a lot not related to image issues. Those are bad enough but the real reason sucks big time.

photos .. well, they  may disappear (they usually do) yet I know that certain people like to see me so here are a few from this past March.
(makeup and camera angle and lighting do wonders.)

This is one where someone that I work with caught me off-guard:
(https://i.imgur.com/lJDKwwM.jpg)


same day at my desk
(https://i.imgur.com/oLheFYL.jpg)

lazing about at home
(https://i.imgur.com/tMCaMlg.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Wendi on June 10, 2020, 09:29:23 am
You look beautiful Faith. I'd love to look like you. You look completely female.

Sent from my SM-G986U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on June 10, 2020, 09:35:10 am
Beautiful photos, Faith! I'm so glad I got to see them... I'm usually a day late and a dollar short.

Welcome back, if only briefly. I was just wondering yesterday how you were doing. Glad you joined the 60's with me.

Hugs, Randy

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on June 10, 2020, 11:26:07 am
Hi, Faith.  I didn't realize it was a "significant" birthday.  Happy birthday!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: randim on June 10, 2020, 12:18:20 pm
Beautiful photos Faith.  And congratulations on your birthday.  You youngsters.  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Donica on June 10, 2020, 12:44:32 pm
Happy birthday Faith! I love how you are working the hair and outfits girl. Kockin it for sure.

Hugs!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Jazmynne on June 10, 2020, 12:56:34 pm
very happy to see you back Faith :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on June 10, 2020, 02:20:28 pm
Faith,

It has been a very long time since I have seen any pictures of you.  These pictures are so good and you are so good looking!  You rock your hair and I really like that surprise picture on the stairs.  We don't need details, even though our natural curiosity wants some.  Just know that we all here for you in our many different styles, lives, issues and happiness.

Coming up for a breath can be very healthy for some.

Take care and big Happy Birthday hug,

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on June 10, 2020, 03:26:55 pm
Happy birthday dear, looking great as always. Don't be a stranger XXXXXX
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: big kim on June 10, 2020, 04:52:41 pm
Happy birthday, you look beautiful
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Wendi on June 10, 2020, 06:28:40 pm
Happy birthday!!!

Sent from my SM-G986U using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on June 10, 2020, 07:28:54 pm
Happy birthday Faith!

Good to hear from you
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on June 11, 2020, 06:27:18 am
thx for all the well wishes. it was a miserable day but I got through it
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 21, 2020, 03:55:14 pm
A HOLE

If I wasn't ..
.. would people step around the hole
as if I was
.. would people step over the hole
as if I never was
.. would people peer into the hole
wondering what was
.. would people look around and ask
what hole?

I feel like a hole that needs filled

Oh, Hi, welcome to almost December. Another lonely year about to close.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 21, 2020, 05:10:59 pm
A HOLE

If I wasn't ..
.. would people step around the hole
as if I was
.. would people step over the hole
as if I never was
.. would people peer into the hole
wondering what was
.. would people look around and ask
what hole?

I feel like a hole that needs filled

Oh, Hi, welcome to almost December. Another lonely year about to close.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
It is wonderful to see that you have posting again.... it's been over 3 months since you last graced me and the rest of your avid followers with your update on your thread.

Here is something below that will fill that hole that needs to be filled......
.... HUGS, best wishes, and please don't stay away so long next time.

Danielle

        (https://i.imgur.com/kFTwOf1.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: CynthiaAnn on November 23, 2020, 09:45:21 am
Wishing you and yours a healthy and happy Thanksgiving Faith.

BTW your pictures from last summer are wonderful.

cheers

C
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 23, 2020, 05:59:15 pm
I'm trying but the downs occur more often than the ups plus they hit harder and last longer :( I'm really struggling with being halfway to nowhere *sigh*

pics, thx, I've had my moments. I am still alive, here's a couple recent photos
(https://i.imgur.com/mUOIPz7.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/D8t1zif.jpg)

... really showing my age ..

I do have a new wall of stuff that looks way better than I do:

(https://i.imgur.com/cWNn2o2.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/dLcOpLQ.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/F1DjPNR.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/UnmLxp3.jpg)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on November 23, 2020, 06:08:28 pm
Faith,

You still look as beautiful as ever.  Your string instrument collection is marvelous!  Do you play all those and which one or more do you like the best and why?  You maybe cannot realize that some of us musically (including voice) unalentented so envie the ability in others to do that which we could never do.  I can worship that talent in others.  Actually, I do worship it!

Hugs,

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 23, 2020, 06:24:40 pm
I play bass as a preference .. it talks to me, I can feel it. I could play 6-string guitar if I tried, I just don't feel it. I actually started on the fiddle and was getting good enough to play in front of people but I hurt my elbow in my bowing arm and had to take a many year hiatus. Still trying to talk myself back into it. The mandolin I picked up to practice for the fiddle since the tuning and chording is much the same, although fretted. I was too lazy to follow through. Oh, yes, I sing. People like my voice for some reason. I haven't sang since I came out though .. I have the wrong voice and I am no longer well tolerated in the area due to my general appearance of self.

Mostly I rebuild/repair. The 6-strings on the wall I had to either rebuild;rewire;refinish or a combination of them. The hardest is reworking a neck, replacing a truss rod is a pain and fret work is not for faint of heart :P

Faith,

You still look as beautiful as ever.  Your string instrument collection is marvelous!  Do you play all those and which one or more do you like the best and why?  You maybe cannot realize that some of us musically (including voice) unalentented so envie the ability in others to do that which we could never do.  I can worship that talent in others.  Actually, I do worship it!

Hugs,

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on November 23, 2020, 06:27:26 pm
Faith,

Thanks for the reply.

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 23, 2020, 06:46:13 pm
Sorry that I may have seemed a bit terse and centric in my reply. My moods and thoughts aren't at their best right now.
I hope your doing well

Faith,

Thanks for the reply.

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on November 23, 2020, 10:34:44 pm
Not sure what yu are referring to, but all is fine with me.  You were good.

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on November 24, 2020, 03:54:50 am
Nice to see your lovely face again, Thats a nice collection. Hang on in there dear XXXXXXXX
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 24, 2020, 09:41:18 am
Faith you look fine!  Nothing wrong with aging, we all do it.   I love how you display your instruments.  They seem to beg to be picked up and played. 
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: BrianaJ on November 24, 2020, 09:44:08 am
Hi Faith,

Nice instrument collection! I have a Fender precision bass natural finish that I bought in 1974.  It cost me a lot of lawns mowed, garages cleaned, and any other work I could get.  I also have a Fender F35 acoustic guitar I bought in 75.  More lawn mowing garage cleaning  and all sorts of odd jobs.  LOL  I never really learned to play well despite lessons and practice and good players trying to help me.  I'm that person that steps left when everyone else is going right.  I just struggled with keeping beat and counting.

You look great too!   
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 24, 2020, 10:33:41 am
Nice to see your lovely face again, Thats a nice collection. Hang on in there dear XXXXXXXX
HiYa Davina .. Thanks, I'm hanging on by my fingernails, haven't let go yet.

Faith you look fine!  Nothing wrong with aging, we all do it.   I love how you display your instruments.  They seem to beg to be picked up and played. 
Hey Judi, been a while .. my fault. I have trouble socializing. One way or another things eat at me so I avoid. Which is also a bad thing so I'm a total loss.

Instruments are meant to be played, once you make them display only they can't make music so what's the point. Everything I have is able to be picked up and played .. with one exception which I'll cover in my next quote reply ...

Hi Faith,

Nice instrument collection! I have a Fender precision bass natural finish that I bought in 1974.  It cost me a lot of lawns mowed, garages cleaned, and any other work I could get.  I also have a Fender F35 acoustic guitar I bought in 75.  More lawn mowing garage cleaning  and all sorts of odd jobs.  LOL  I never really learned to play well despite lessons and practice and good players trying to help me.  I'm that person that steps left when everyone else is going right.  I just struggled with keeping beat and counting.

You look great too!   

My precision I bought in 2017 "Fender American Elite Precision Bass - Tobacco Sunburst, Maple Fingerboard"  It's not on display, stays in a case. I pull it out sometimes. Now that I am not playing regular it doesn't get much use. Around the house I play the squier (when I get the urge). You can just see it in the shadow, the one with the strap. It's my $150 beater that I bought new off amazon. It's a VM Jaguar HB Special. Plays easy, sounds good.

The wall display isn't everything .. I don't have enough wall or hangers :P
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on November 24, 2020, 06:10:19 pm
Hi, Faith.  Good to see you posting again.  And it is great to see new pictures of you.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on November 25, 2020, 10:09:23 am
Hi, Faith.  Good to see you posting again.  And it is great to see new pictures of you.

thanks Kathy. I toss it back and forth before coming back on here. things aren't the same although some of the 'faces' are the same. So, I stick my nose in for a while then wander off again.

I love hearing good things that others have progressed into then I crash because I haven't progressed and not likely to. I commiserate with those struggling which, in turn, makes me focus on my own internalized shortcomings making me feel worse

I can't win.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 25, 2020, 05:23:14 pm
Putting your instruments on display does help remind you to pull them down and play from time to time.  I have my bass and guitar on stands where I can see and easily grab them.  In the cases they out of sight, out of mind.  I certainly don't play enough, and I'm aware the time I don't I can't get back.  Its hard at times.

Please don't despair about your pace of transition.  We all are on our personal schedules.  You look great and dress well. 

Have a great week.
Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on November 28, 2020, 01:30:59 pm
For me, having a regular jam group was what kept me playing. Those people all became good friends. Now with the pandemic it's all fallen apart and my mandolin mostly stays in the case.

I know what you mean about this place having changed. But it's rebuilding as new people join and share their stories. And it's great to see traditional faces return, like you!

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: BrianaJ on November 28, 2020, 03:49:28 pm
Faith!  I KNEW there was more than the eye could see.  LOL  Guitars/instruments are like other fun things...like shoes.  There's always some out in the open but when you open the magic closet - BAM!  There they all are.  And it feels like you can never have too many.   
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 02, 2020, 09:53:18 am
... how can you love who you are when you feel like such a disappointment to those you love the most ...
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Pammie on December 02, 2020, 10:21:55 am
... how can you love who you are when you feel like such a disappointment to those you love the most ...
I have that background too (kids have found it hard and brothers even more so) but we are who we are and you have to learn to accept that. Im whole for the first time in my life and this is the real me so people I love need to love who I am xx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Laura1951 on December 02, 2020, 06:33:17 pm
I have that background too (kids have found it hard and brothers even more so) but we are who we are and you have to learn to accept that. Im whole for the first time in my life and this is the real me so people I love need to love who I am xx


THIS.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 03, 2020, 06:25:16 am
It's not about them loving me, I have a very loving, supporting, and accepting immediate family .. wife; 2 adult daughters; adult son; grand children aged -1yr through 16; (we won't discuss in-laws).  This is about me feeling like I am a disappointment despite their support.

I do not go along the 'they must love and support me no matter what or else'. Embracing who I am does not erase who I was nor their loss thereof.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Pammie on December 03, 2020, 07:54:44 am
It's not about them loving me, I have a very loving, supporting, and accepting immediate family .. wife; 2 adult daughters; adult son; grand children aged -1yr through 16; (we won't discuss in-laws).  This is about me feeling like I am a disappointment despite their support.

I do not go along the 'they must love and support me no matter what or else'. Embracing who I am does not erase who I was nor their loss thereof.
It’s so easy to take offence and the way people express themselves but im going to avoid that in this case.
I ALSO do not embrace the “they must love me and support me no matter or else”  - indeed my whole being had been shaped around my children since my eldest was born.
Nor neither do  I try or want to erase their feeling of loss. BUT I am who I am, I must be who I am and I work hard to help my family adapt. Im not sure I understand how or why being disappointed in oneself will help but again I also understand that we can’t always control our feelings.
Personally my start point is I am being me, how can I improve how my loved ones feel about that because that is NOT changing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 03, 2020, 08:47:57 am
I never intend to insult, or argue. Insults are self-demeaning and arguing places one opinion, process, or circumstance over another.

Diction and the interpretation thereof is one of the reasons that I stopped posting and stay away. Trying to defend how or why something is shared a certain way can be an exercise in frustration when each person that reads it has a different take.

Must be time to go away until my next 3+ month update, if ever.

take care, live life, be true to yourself
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on December 03, 2020, 08:56:06 am
Faith, I didn't read any type of insult or argument in these posts.  I understand your feelings and they are real.  We all process change differently I suppose.  In any case it is nice to have a family's love and support.   Going back to an earlier point, I bought myself a Hofner Bass the other day.  I've remained sequestered from shopping this year so I felt it was okay to treat myself. 
Have a good day dear one.  Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 05, 2020, 07:35:21 am
oo, hofner. I don't have one. My sister has a knock-off. Overall not badly made except the fret work (horrible)


Digging back, I think that I mentioned somewhere about my levels being way off - I'll summarize.
A year ago I switched from E-Cypionate to E-Valerate with a comparable dosage change to roughly doubled. Circumstances caused me to miss a follow-up blood draw and then the infamous covid hit dragging it out further, prescription renewed w/o testing.

**information** .. Doc is looking for a max ~400 reference level for E.

Back in Sep 2019 my E reference level was around 130. T around 30
Then in Dec 2019 my E level was 120 and T around 245 (after Spiro & another blocker removal!!!!!)
-- In around there somewhere, dosage change (prescribed) plus I started taking low-dose Spiro on my own using left-over tablets. It had been removed from my regimen due to my kidneys.
Jump to Aug 2020 and my E was at 2900+; T less than 3. Yeah, boy was I depressed and moody and generally <poor>
Skip two weeks of E to end up at 1100+  .. better but still <poor> feeling .. dosage decreased
Nov 2020 I end up at 1000+ so skip a couple more weeks and dosage decrease - again
Which brings me to waiting for my next blood panel. Oh, in there I was granted an actual prescription for low dose spiro, in my mind the benefit outweighed the risk and the Doc was Ok with my kidney function.

Speaking of kidneys, odd thing there, I started my journey with extreme low potassium levels and was on a supplement, eGFR around 32, creatinines extremely high. Spiro obviously messed with potassium retention so I had to drop the supplement. Skipping a bunch of middle journey testing to sum it all up.
My potassium is normal
My creatinines are normal
My eGFR has risen to 63
In fact, everything kidney related is normal and the eGFR is out of stage 3 into stage 2. couple that with no signs of physical damage and I'm a happy camper as far as my kidney function is concerned.

With the E dosage decrements I have went from injection prescription only lasting 3 months to lasting a full year (assuming that it isn't changed again) .. I can handle that, saves me a lot of money.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on December 05, 2020, 10:59:17 am
Thats great news, this virus has messed a lot of stuff up so great you are getting back on track.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 08, 2020, 06:33:02 am
This is beginning to feel like it's going to be one of my worst feeling holiday thus far. I cannot seem the shake the excluded outsider feelings, like I don't belong.

something has to change, I wish I knew what.

Standing alone in the middle a crowd that's all talking together. Try to be involved only to find that they are all speaking a language unknown to me. Looks of incomprehension and pity abound before they go back to their conversations.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on December 08, 2020, 11:47:19 am
Oh Faith, I know this feeling! I usually avoid the "in" group if I have a choice. I often seek out others who seem to also be "outside." Sometimes they are outside of a different edge than I am and we can't communicate. Sometimes it works and I feel a connection. Alas we usually go separate ways afterward. I'm needing to work on follow-through!
Love and hugs, Randy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 08, 2020, 12:18:22 pm
If only it were so simple, Randy (Hi, btw :) ). I was not referring to social groups or friends or strangers .. the crowd that I'm referring to is my immediate family. Loving, supporting, accepting yet I feel like I don't fit in.  I suppose I could equate it to the step-whatever suddenly in a family group with nothing to relate to.  Which is silly since I have decades of history with them .. just not as me.

I really don't need anyone to give me any problems, I am quite capable of giving them to myself.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on December 09, 2020, 04:12:37 pm
I've glad to read your kidney's are fine and your E level is good.

As to the Hofner, I had tried an Epiphone Viola bass but wasn't overly impressed. 

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Darilee on December 09, 2020, 07:51:52 pm
seen endocrinologist yesterday for the first time. I made the appointment because I'm getting ready to set a surgery date for an orchiectomy and I wanted to talk about hormone treatment. She was very nice and very young, she made me feel very comfortable and as I starting telling her why I was there my eye's began to swell up I don't know if she noticed I tried my hardest to hold it back but I remember her saying you poor thing she probably noticed. It actually felt good. I think I'm cracking the closet door at age 63. I read my online health chart today and guess what she diagnosed me with gender dysphoria I feel some weight off my chest. The only thing now my regular phyicisian is going to see it in my chart when I see her in March, I was wondering how I was going to tell her.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 10, 2020, 08:25:52 am
seen endocrinologist yesterday for the first time. I made the appointment because I'm getting ready to set a surgery date for an orchiectomy and I wanted to talk about hormone treatment. She was very nice and very young, she made me feel very comfortable and as I starting telling her why I was there my eye's began to swell up I don't know if she noticed I tried my hardest to hold it back but I remember her saying you poor thing she probably noticed. It actually felt good. I think I'm cracking the closet door at age 63. I read my online health chart today and guess what she diagnosed me with gender dysphoria I feel some weight off my chest. The only thing now my regular phyicisian is going to see it in my chart when I see her in March, I was wondering how I was going to tell her.

You've taken your first steps, talking to your Primary is just another step. For proper health care they need to be informed. Since, by your comment, they both see your chart then there won't be much say unless there's something you want to add.

For me, my primary was the first that I told. Panic'ed the bejeebies out of him. Imagine a young, healthy, virile male hearing from what looks like another healthy male that having a certain appendage removed couldn't happen fast enough .. well, all I can say is that I wish I'd had a camera to take a photo.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on December 11, 2020, 11:48:43 am
Thanks for straightening me out on the social issues Faith. I found that "acceptance" wasn't what I was looking for, I need more like "embrace" for who I am. I get acceptance and love from all in my family, including my soon-to-be-ex-wife. But embrace -- more like one sister and my daughter. The others don't talk about it unless I bring it up, and then as you said, it's like a different language and the conversation lags. I hope you're able to find some social threads with them this holiday season.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 15, 2020, 09:23:18 am
more daily *UGH*s plus the weather is playing havoc with my head. I'm sensitive to pressure changes which leads to headaches and poor vision. I'm resorting to wearing 'reading' glasses today in order to see my computer screen in focus. Normally I don't wear any corrective lenses.

(https://i.imgur.com/OVAgowp.jpg)

The glasses are old, they pre-date transition by many years.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on December 15, 2020, 07:36:39 pm
I think some of that "weather" you relate to is heading north up the coast soon! Ugh!  I like this photo, the colors are attractive on you.  I love your simple, wry smile.  You rock!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 17, 2020, 11:20:38 am
I think some of that "weather" you relate to is heading north up the coast soon! Ugh!  I like this photo, the colors are attractive on you.  I love your simple, wry smile.  You rock!

thanks, 'shades of blue' seem to be my color, still, I tend to wear a lot of black. No black today however, I'm wearing my straight from the 60/70(ish) flares. Gold chain+charm style pattern so it's kind of christmasy.
(https://i.imgur.com/QmVJ7MH.jpg)

Weather pressure is much better today, tomorrow will be cold (for us), so no glasses needed.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on December 17, 2020, 12:05:48 pm
Way out dear, bling it on. Well you do have a certain flare-----
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on December 17, 2020, 03:38:46 pm
Nice legs too!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 18, 2020, 07:29:08 am
Way out dear, bling it on. Well you do have a certain flare-----
:icon_blink:  ;D

Nice legs too!

they draw attention away from the rest at least.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on December 18, 2020, 03:47:18 pm
No. They compliment the rest! You have the well put together look going for you, which is not dependent on what you wear every time.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 18, 2020, 04:32:48 pm
No. They compliment the rest! You have the well put together look going for you, which is not dependent on what you wear every time.

I don't know. I think if I wore nothing then everything would detract  :o

no no no no, I've been told time and time again ... dun dun duuuuunnnn ....

thank you very much for the compliment
(it's hard *sigh*)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on December 18, 2020, 06:00:39 pm
I know it’s hard. But it is all worth it. You are out and living as yourself. Now it seems that convincing yourself of what you have already done is a lot and that what others may be saying and may sound like BS to you is actually the truth!

Be you and be proud. You deserve it.

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 19, 2020, 06:31:25 am
I know it’s hard. But it is all worth it. You are out and living as yourself. Now it seems that convincing yourself of what you have already done is a lot and that what others may be saying and may sound like BS to you is actually the truth!

Be you and be proud. You deserve it.

Allie

convince myself, yeah that's a hard one. self-confidence and self-esteem have ever been a serious issue for me. I've always been a wall-weed (as opposed to flower) so putting myself out there takes concerted effort .. e.v.e.r.y .. t.i.m.e. ..

accepting what others say about/to me?  I tend to look to see what they are being snide about, looking for the contemptuous laughter behind the smile even when I know that it is not there.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on December 19, 2020, 01:53:54 pm
accepting what others say about/to me?  I tend to look to see what they are being snide about, looking for the contemptuous laughter behind the smile even when I know that it is not there.

Who really cares about what others think?  The only one thats important is you.

I like those pants too.  :)
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 20, 2020, 08:56:30 am
Who really cares about what others think?
I do, when it is someone I care about of course I want reciprocation. do we always get it, no. However that wasn't the basis and meaning behind my comment. I'll expound below.

Quote
The only one that's important is you.
no, I disagree. when one thinks only of themselves they will ever be alone. There is always a give and take. True, you cannot be there for others if you are not there for yourself yet it (whatever IT is) cannot be all about you.

Quote
I like those pants too.  :)
thanks, one of my favorite pair with a couple others similar. What can I say, I am a product of my childhood. Thankfully, as others have told me .. I have the right legs to get away with wearing them as well.


Now, as to my meaning. My comment was all about me and my perceptions, not what others think feel or otherwise react.  Let's see if I can word this correctly .. I meant that no matter whether it is someone I care for or cares for me or even never met before, my first reaction is to look for the guile behind the praise. I look first for the ridicule rather than take it at face value as it was likely intended. That is one me and my insecurities, not on the other person.

did I clarify that? I could drink more coffee and try again. One of the reasons I slowed down and stopped posting was trying, and failing most times, to put my thoughts and feelings into words that actually convey my intent.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on December 22, 2020, 12:02:29 pm
Your clarification was spot on, Faith. I understand, and empathize.

For myself, I'm bold in the sense of willingly putting myself out there. Yet at the same time I worry about what others think and have a hard time meeting their gaze. Starting a conversation is nearly always difficult. I zoom by somebody on a walk, nod and say Hello; and then after I'm past I berate myself for not slowing down and saying more, perhaps commenting favorably on their coat or dog. I usually miss these opportunities for social interaction due to my own insecurities.

Hugs, Randy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: SoCal_Holly on December 22, 2020, 11:17:58 pm
Hi Faith!

I think you look great and are terrific just the way you are !

The holiday season and winter can be a downer. Sometimes, I have a hard time too articulating my exact feelings too. Keep posting, the self introspection (is this a word, lol) is great therapy. Just know you have a lot of supporters here.

Glad you are doing well health wise.

Hope this note makes you smile!

Stay strong!

Hugs,

Holly
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on December 23, 2020, 03:14:35 am
As someone that finds it hard to write (and speel) to put down what I want to say or mean I know what your saying. You know I think your daft beating your self up over (not warranted as far as I can see) your perception of yourself . Wish I could send you a Christmas gift of some of my "don't give a * what any one thinks" attitude . Wishing you a good Christmas and New Year . Love and BIG HUGS xxxx
BTW only used spell checker 6 times for this!!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Rachel on December 23, 2020, 10:42:55 am
Hi Faith,

 Kate Bornstean's has a book called, "My Gender Workbook" and she has a newer version on line called, "New My Gender Workbook".

When we transition we go from what people thought was a Male to Female. We further go from Female to Transgender Female in others eyes. How people see us changes. How they react to us change. How we are treated and socially treated changes.

Woman have it more difficult then Men. Trans woman have it more difficult than cis woman. It is the whole social order that changes. When we adapt to the new normal and compensate then we find our place again in the hierarchy. It is a different place than we once had. We are treated differently than before.

Woman are treated differently in health care, jobs, social situations and everything you experience.

I am glad you are having better control of the HRT and the kidneys are peachy.

Rachel
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 23, 2020, 12:22:35 pm
Unfortunately my perception of others "opinion" is biased by my own thoughts about myself and not in any way reflective of their intent - well intended or otherwise.

I'd @ mention each person but that feature never works for me.

I have trouble during any holiday, it seems like the more enjoyment of a particular day is supposed to be the worse that I feel. Then I get depressed about being down and depressed .. it's a vicious self-fulfilling circle and one that is very difficult to break. To top it off, my wife is very sensitively empathic so my mood infects hers even from a distance. If I am in a bad mood and she is in a good mood her mood will shift negative as soon as she's in my general vicinity regardless of whether she sees me or knows my mood. It's happened many times, too many for coincidence.  We are too closely linked I think. We tend to think the same thoughts and make comments just before the other does. We tend to start singing the same songs. then there's the answering of questions that we didn't have a chance to ask out loud.  It's scary sometimes.

I do put myself out there. I am full time, wear what I like, I just wish I didn't cringe on the inside once I get to where people actually see me. I do avoid public social occasions for fear that someone I know from my past life will see me. COVID is a blessing for me in that regard, also a curse since I cannot force myself to go out and overcome *sigh*

I don't know that I have a more difficult time at work due to my coming out or due to managerial changes and other staff changes. The new personalities around my work environment are not conducive to a comfortable work environment even aside from my changes. I worked there for 9 years, transitioned on the job, still there @11 years .. so far.

Today, I feel so down and muddle-headed. It's a good thing that Lori works today so that she can avoid me. She was home for lunch, I think she was relieved when break was over and had to go back (works close enough to come home for lunch). I did apologize for being so moody and affecting her, I doubt that helped at all.

anyways (yep, there's that word again) I don't really have much to say beyond feeling like worthless <poo>. I would like to make note that while I did not run a speel chck or auot-keerect, I do look for the red underline and fixit as I go. it helps alot.  :D
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Rachel on December 23, 2020, 07:19:06 pm
At one time I had very bad depression. I had to go on medication for it. My boss was making threats about my job, divorce, ex and daughter were very hostile. I was really bad at clothing choices and makeup. Add in I was heavy and tall.

Things changed. The root of my depression was all the huge change and swamped coping mechanisms. I went to a bunch of groups and post here. I am up front and honest to others now ( I know i may be too honest). It took years but I learned clothing choices, makeup and am comfortable in my skin. 

It takes time. It is huge change and it is normal to be overwhelmed. Remember you are like everyone else and are allowed to have off thoughts and days. Most of all, if it were a friend that was in transition wouldn't you cut them a lot of slack? Then why not cut yourself the same slack.

I hope you have a nice holiday,
Rachel

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Pammie on December 24, 2020, 01:32:48 pm
Unfortunately my perception of others "opinion" is biased by my own thoughts about myself and not in any way reflective of their intent - well intended or otherwise.

I'd @ mention each person but that feature never works for me.

I have trouble during any holiday, it seems like the more enjoyment of a particular day is supposed to be the worse that I feel. Then I get depressed about being down and depressed .. it's a vicious self-fulfilling circle and one that is very difficult to break. To top it off, my wife is very sensitively empathic so my mood infects hers even from a distance. If I am in a bad mood and she is in a good mood her mood will shift negative as soon as she's in my general vicinity regardless of whether she sees me or knows my mood. It's happened many times, too many for coincidence.  We are too closely linked I think. We tend to think the same thoughts and make comments just before the other does. We tend to start singing the same songs. then there's the answering of questions that we didn't have a chance to ask out loud.  It's scary sometimes.

I do put myself out there. I am full time, wear what I like, I just wish I didn't cringe on the inside once I get to where people actually see me. I do avoid public social occasions for fear that someone I know from my past life will see me. COVID is a blessing for me in that regard, also a curse since I cannot force myself to go out and overcome *sigh*

I don't know that I have a more difficult time at work due to my coming out or due to managerial changes and other staff changes. The new personalities around my work environment are not conducive to a comfortable work environment even aside from my changes. I worked there for 9 years, transitioned on the job, still there @11 years .. so far.

Today, I feel so down and muddle-headed. It's a good thing that Lori works today so that she can avoid me. She was home for lunch, I think she was relieved when break was over and had to go back (works close enough to come home for lunch). I did apologize for being so moody and affecting her, I doubt that helped at all.

anyways (yep, there's that word again) I don't really have much to say beyond feeling like worthless <poo&gt. I would like to make note that while I did not run a speel chck or auot-keerect, I do look for the red underline and fixit as I go. it helps alot.  :D
It sounds like you have lots of positives in your life. Maybe you could go down the old fashioned route of listing them to help you focus on the good stuff?


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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 29, 2020, 05:18:33 pm
Depression. the intensity of my depression was severe for over 6 months which, I've found, was mostly due to my ~3000 E level.  Now that I'm getting back into normal ranges the intensity has eased off. Not gone though :( It would have been nice to have it magically take my depression away, that's too much to hope for. At least I've dropped all of the anti-D pills that my primary was throwing at me. Now I'm back to my 'normal' depression. I have a good handle on the why and wherefores of that. I don't feel like getting into the litany my why's, suffice to say they fit in with many different trans people here and elsewhere, a mix from everyone. The high points are "Lack of intimacy" and dysphoria (self and externally triggered).

Intimacy, yeah .. my wife loves me, there is no doubt there. Intimacy was fading for both of us prior to my coming out (prior even than me being aware of myself). It seemed a natural fade and one we both welcomed leading us into our golden years happily side by side. Now though my needs have shifted. The cravings for intimacy are high. I'm not talking about sex. While I would enjoy a good session, that's not where I am coming from. Heck, a sensual session of hugs and kisses and old-school necking would suffice. Not to be though, she has no interest in me or anyone else for that matter. Is asexual the right word? Even strong emotional attachment does nothing to pique her interest. Even if it did, I'd be out of luck .. she's not into women and I am too much a woman for her, though she did try early on.

.. enough of that ..

The rest, well, you list dysphoric points and I have it to one degree or another.

I guess loneliness is the biggest thing that gets to me.

got to run
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on December 29, 2020, 05:32:32 pm
Faith it is interesting to me, to read of your loneliness and unfulfilled desire for intimacy, despite remaining with your wife. I'm also sorry for what you are going through.

In my case, my wife decided we needed to split, for what sounds like pretty much the same reasons. She is not attracted to women, and if I was going that direction she did not want to be with me.

It's unfortunate either way, but interesting that the net result can be similar -- increasing loneliness and loss of intimacy. It helps me to shift my perspective -- for my relationship, preserving it at all costs despite the lack of attraction by her may not have been a good solution anyway.

Hugs, Randy
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on December 30, 2020, 10:04:10 am
At times I think that a split would be easier, yet I know it wouldn't be - at least, not for me. Splitting up would bring all kinds of additional issues of it's own. Sure, it'd make it easier to look elsewhere yet where would I look. Split up we'd still be in the same house (albeit as friends), I'd still have the same responsibilities, I'd still be stuck under social restrictions for who knows how much longer. I never was much for 'going out' - no party time for me, not that I'd have any extra money to do so in any case. And who would want a halfway something or other that is me? If they see me as a woman then it's "Oh, by the way, I have extra bits"; If they see a man (feminine, it's true) then "Oh, by the way, it doesn't work".  Too feminine for some, too masculine for others.  It's all moot in any case, I know I'm not going anywhere.  Hope for improvement is dead. This is how I am for however much time I have left be it 1 year or 20 or more. I need to accept that this is my life and it won't get any better. A lifetime of loneliness and depression.

Where's the dark clouds? There should be dark clouds outside, not sunshine.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on January 03, 2021, 02:03:59 pm
Had another impromptu chat with the misses. Another bout of 'give me time' from her. It really seems to be boiling down to throwing away 37 years of knowing each other as him/her while I learn who I am as she also learns who I am and how to relate to me. The past 3 years have certainly been rough. She is trying to reconcile all she knew of me before with all that I am now and, trust me, there are significant differences (not physical).

I don't doubt her sincerity of wanting to rebuild I just fear that she's convinced herself of something that isn't there (for her).  Kind of like being in love with the idea of being in love rather than actually in love .. ya know? sure, you can say that love transcends and I would agree yet there are things that cannot be overcome for some people through no fault of their own and that will affect the depth of love.

Whatever the case, I know what I feel and I am willing to keep working at it .. though painful and agonizing. Loneliness is the worst.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on January 06, 2021, 12:24:39 am
Faith it is hard for some as you have seen.  We went through a rough patch but have hung in there for 45 years (50 of knowing each other).  I miss snuggling but we hug and kiss.  I guess this is what "golden" years is all about regardless of gender situations.  Keep working at it.   
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on January 06, 2021, 09:45:10 am
Every day the same struggles, only different. I do know that I don't want to be alone
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on January 14, 2021, 01:32:07 pm
here I am again, I don't know why. I guess because I can type in private yet still have someone see it .. well, one or 2 anyways. Kind of like writing a diary in the hope that someone finds it and reads it.

Today my brain is yelling at me .. type, say something, share, except I have no words to share. Is this a byproduct of loneliness? The need to share yet not knowing what or even with whom?

I feel off so I contacted PP to ask for new bloodwork to check my levels. Their answer? We need a session to ask questions to find out what you're feeling before requesting a blood test. Say What? I could go get one on my own just to check levels, it costs more is all. It seems more like that they want the appointment fee to pad their coffers.  They don't have to review the results, I am the one that wants to see them. I really dislike Drs where they call for an office visit (even telehealth) before doing any simple thing. Like my Blood pressure meds. I'll bet when it's time to renew he will want to see me again even though my BP is consistent through all my previous 10 monthly visits. That's just an example, I'm weaning myself off the BP meds. My dose is so low that they don't even prescribe it at that level - next step is stopping.  Exercise (walking) works better for me and better for me overall.

two panic (or anxiety, I get them mixed up) attacks this week. hugging myself, rocking in place, trying not to cry. I can't watch my favorite shows or movies as a distraction, some I lost interest in after HRT (must be the T loss) others simply show too much love and intimacy and I get triggered .. more crying *sigh*

maybe it's time to drop HRT and get my T up .. at least on T I didn't care. ... NO .. I am not contemplating that, not really, it's just something that runs though my head as a way to stop caring. But then, I'd had the other changes that would recur and I don't think I'd survive that.

triggers, everywhere triggers. Can't stop them, can't avoid them, they are expected an a total surprise at the same time. More changes needed to ease them, can't get anything done. No money. Any money goes into house and home where it's needed. Can't spend it on me and then have no home to relax in. except I can't relax. I am tense all the time. My teeth and jaw muscles hurt from clenching and grinding. Happens when I sleep as well.  I'd drink to relax but I can't handle that either, makes my head hurt.

right here .. right here insert here a bunch of 4 letter words, many repeated, that the forum won't let you type. I really really want to type them. Primordial Scream .. yes, that could do it .. not here at work though, probably get fired.

I have no idea what all I just typed, I am not going to proof read it. I let my fingers rattle the keys on their own.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: AllieSF on January 14, 2021, 01:39:40 pm
Faith,

Typing is a way of talking with your fingers and is always good therapy.  We are here for you.  Reach out to any of us personally and we will try to listen and be there for you.  You are not alone here.  We are a big mixed up family that has a lot of love and caring to share.  Your mind took you to the right place to vent.  We love you.

Allie
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: davina61 on January 14, 2021, 01:48:42 pm
Vent away dear, you know what happens to a pressure vessel when the relief valve sticks. Looks like you need to find something to blow of steam on safely . Hugs dear ,look after you and yours XXX
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on January 14, 2021, 06:30:05 pm
Speaking with and to others here, even if just online is good therapy.  It's helped me in the past.  In the midst of the virus lockdowns its more important than ever to be in touch with those who care about us.  I will offer one PSA for not drinking as it costs money you might better apply elsewhere and as you note it doesn't help.  I don't have a solution but I am here to listen.

Judi
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on January 15, 2021, 03:26:23 pm
No, I am not much of a drinker. I drink maybe 1 mixed drink every 3-4 months. Partier and imbiber I am not :P

thanks all for the feedback. I am a strange one. I post or talk to get things out, get myself heard, yet when someone responds or perhaps tries to dig a little deeper to help out, I close up. Too many years of hiding even from myself I guess. If no one reaches out or responds I withdraw more and hide away.

what a mess

I keep looking for validation of self and even knowing that I won't find it anywhere except within, I still keep looking elsewhere for it.

did I say I was a mess? Oh, yup, there it is just one line up.

now, on top of everything else, my wife went back to work. 5 days a week I am completely alone at home all evening. This is not a good thing. Too much time in my own head. No one should be in there, especially me.

I need therapy. they are all shut down, no in-person. I don't respond to voice only or tele-meetings, I need one-on-one. Maybe I can talk someone into it if I bag my whole head.

I've reached out to some online friends, one reply then nothing. Either they are worse off than I am or they don't really want to relate with me. Let me count how many people, outside of immediate family, who relate to me .. hmmmm ... none.  I have no one that I can get together with even with proper distance and PPE.

<poo> I am so lonely. I just want to curl up and let the world go away.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on January 15, 2021, 09:14:50 pm
I'm lonely too. But we can't help each other with that. I am really looking forward to social gatherings. I haven't traditionally been one for that, but I hope to turn over a new leaf once things open up.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on January 19, 2021, 08:32:46 am
off to another rocky week start (my workweek starts on Tue). Nothing changed so no point in reiterating the obvious, I'll summarize: No physical progress, no mental progress, no relationship progress, no friends to hang with (not like I could anyways with Covid over our heads).

Speaking of covid, someone at work in another department tested positive, they chased their whole department out of the building. Still, hitting a little too close. Trying to stay in isolated in my office as much as possible - you just cannot trust other people to follow safety rules.  Maybe I'll get sick and die despite trying not to, be nothing to worry about then.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on January 23, 2021, 06:50:02 am
Lori did my hair last night, it's a bit rough now 'cause I slept on it

(https://i.imgur.com/eUDb33Z.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/9cpi8zQ.jpg)

anyways, not much going on, stuck at work doing work stuff.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Pammie on January 23, 2021, 08:00:29 am
Lori did my hair last night, it's a bit rough now 'cause I slept on it

(https://i.imgur.com/eUDb33Z.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/9cpi8zQ.jpg)

anyways, not much going on, stuck at work doing work stuff.
Wow, love that!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: RandyL on January 23, 2021, 01:53:00 pm
Nice! I've heard it's a nice feeling physically getting your hair worked with. Not that I'd know...

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on January 23, 2021, 01:57:24 pm
Wow, love that!
I'll let her know that you approve :)

Nice! I've heard it's a nice feeling physically getting your hair worked with. Not that I'd know...

I'll take all the hands-on that I can get!!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Pammie on January 23, 2021, 03:42:03 pm
I'll let her know that you approve :)

I'll take all the hands-on that I can get!!
I love getting my hair done but it won’t ever be long enough to look like yours.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: KathyLauren on January 24, 2021, 07:47:28 am
It looks great, Faith!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on January 25, 2021, 11:44:33 am
I love the look Faith!  This is certainly a task we need others for.  Beautiful!
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on January 26, 2021, 06:16:31 am


It must be nice when who you are and ...
1- who you want to be
2- who you want to be for others
3- who others want you to be
... are all in alignment.

I'd like at least two out of three; none out of three is not working.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Pammie on January 26, 2021, 09:12:51 am

It must be nice when who you are and ...
1- who you want to be
2- who you want to be for others
3- who others want you to be
... are all in alignment.

I'd like at least two out of three; none out of three is not working.
Yes, that might well be a holy trilogy! I sometimes think that “others” is too broad a church and will encompass too many variations of opinion. That said even if I restrict it to “significant” others I still fail that test. I think I can claim 2 but I may never achieve 3


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Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Maddie on January 27, 2021, 01:23:39 pm
Hi Faith

Nice braids!
Cool really like.

Every week we get a notice that someone tests pos for covid at work.
People joke they want it cause theyll get paid days off.
I don't want it.

Recharging anti virus shield..

Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Chloe on January 28, 2021, 10:56:26 am
I don't want it.

Recharging anti virus shield..

@Maddie they CLOSED the one free, county-sponsored testing site here . .

. . so suppose I'll never will be "positive" ever?

Have found, for the best "immunity", it's daily doses of nicotine and caffeine.
Title: Re: Faith's Progress 2.0
Post by: Faith on January 29, 2021, 01:09:19 pm
Hi Faith

Nice braids!
Cool really like.

Every week we get a notice that someone tests pos for covid at work.
People joke they want it cause theyll get paid days off.
I don't want it.

Recharging anti virus shield..

hey Maddie, thanks for poking your head in. long time, my fault I know. I keep my myself buried to my boobs .. and since I have no boobs it covers over my head.