Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Crossdresser talk => Topic started by: Heather N on January 14, 2020, 04:46:52 pm

Title: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on January 14, 2020, 04:46:52 pm
I'm very new here (joined today in fact) but I do believe this is the best place to discuss this so here goes:
I'm mid 50's been in a LTR with a woman. I have always felt like (at a minimum) a crossdresser edging toward trans. I  know they aren't the same but I also think its a giant area of gray. A long time ago I made the decision not to do much about it because of my personal life. It's a decision I am frustratingly comfortable with.

About a year ago i had a bit of a health scare and found my leg was swollen, they checked for a clot and it was all good (whew) but the doctor suggested i wear compression stockings. I started wearing those but they pulled the hair from my legs so I started shaving them. I always wanted to, but this gave me an excuse. My SO was okay with it too. well.. I have skinny legs and they kept slipping so I decided to wear a garter belt and also found some compression stockings that were def more feminine and more sheer and just felt better, so daily I started wearing stockings and a garter belt. My SO was just fine with it. In fact, she suggested I become intimate with her while wearing those. I told her how much that excited me and soon she bought me 5" heels to add to the fun.

I was having trouble with my underwear bunching up  so she suggested panties. She had some hipsters that fit me pretty well and I told her how much better they felt on me than my old male underwear. I now have a drawer full of them that she helped me pick out ;D

We got on the subject of clothing and I told her that I loved crossing my legs with my stockings on. I asked if I could try on her skirt, we both chuckled for a bit as I did, but i told her I really liked it. She said she was okay if I bought some stuff for myself.

Currently, I sleep mostly in nightgowns and panties, I have a dress of my own and a couple pairs of heels.

She has put a line up though (that I want to cross so much) that I am respecting
*No Bra (that is a huge turn off for her)
*nothing above the shoulder (no make up or wig)
*no shaving my stomach, chest or arms

Since we have started this in earnest (prob last 3 months or so) I have been super amorous to her. I want to make sure that she knows that the more we go this direction, the better it can be for her as well

I am curious if this is something that others have experienced?
What might I expect from my SO?
Do you think she might relent on her restrictions or is this a fair compromise?

I know everyone's experience is different but I am afraid if I rush it, she will ask me to put a stop to it and this Genie is out of the bottle now...

Heather

edit:spelling and grammer
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Sophiaprincess2019 on January 14, 2020, 06:44:37 pm
I am curious if this is something that others have experienced?
What might I expect from my SO?
Do you think she might relent on her restrictions or is this a fair compromise?
I know everyone's experience is different but I am afraid if I rush it, she will ask me to put a stop to it and this Genie is out of the bottle now...

Heather, hello and welcome to SP. You are correct, everyone's journey is different. It's going to be a roll of the dice what your S.O. does.

Another aspect to consider: Crossdressing vs being transgender:

If you are cross dressing - your s.o. might be okay with you wearing feminine clothes and the associated joys/thrills/excitement that goes along with it because you aren't doing anything permanent. If you were to discover you are, in fact, trans, you may experience a wide variety of responses and not only from your s.o.

People are funny when someone comes out as trans. Some will be 100% supportive and others will have nothing to do with you. There is, unfortunately, no way to forecast what acceptances you will encounter. Being TG is an extremely complex medical/social/biological atmosphere that no one source has all the answers, mainly due to the fact everyone experiences being TG differently. While there are many factors that influence how someone will experience transition, if they choose that route, a few common pillars of circumstances seem to prevail in most transgender persons, and acceptance is certainly one of those.

You are wise to proceed cross dressing slowly around your s.o. It's a big change and while they might see this as a fun adventure now, however, you never know when the winds of change will blow their minds in a different direction, prompting an unexpected response, one you may not be okay with.

It's great you are talking about your concerns. Everyone here will always be here to offer support and any guidance we might be able to offer.

All the best,

Sophia
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: RandyL on January 14, 2020, 07:31:52 pm
Hi Heather, and welcome to Susan's.

My own wife thought it was all in good fun for awhile, and even went out with me when I was wearing a bra.  But then something triggered her fear that this was more than a game, and maybe I'd make a permanent change.  That shut her down for a long time.

You probably should see a counselor with experience in gender issues and see if you can pin down if you're a crossdresser (no permanent bodily changes) or if you want to change your body and go farther.  My other advice would be to go very slow with any further steps.  Good luck!
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on January 15, 2020, 08:30:27 am
Thank you for your responses so far!

There has been a few times where my SO pulled back and made a snide comment, almost made me want to quit the path I am on. I.E. not long after I started shaving my legs , her hand touched my knee and pulled back in disgust. She said it felt like a woman's leg... that was hurtful and I actually stopped shaving my legs for several days after that, but I went back to it and she actually seemed to accept it better.. 

It's a delicate line for sure. I want/need her support on this but at the same time if I don't have it, I don't see myself going back. That's when counseling will come in I suppose.
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: NancyBalik on January 17, 2020, 04:09:39 pm
Heather, I think you are on a slippery slope. I can relate to the joy of dressing in the clothing that seems to provide you comfort on multiple levels (more than sexual arousal if I read between the lines correctly). And, I understand how much it means to you to have the acceptance, and even participation, of a woman who means so much to you and is your lover. But here is the danger: She does not know the meaning of these clothes to you. At this point you’ve not been fully forthright, perhaps sort of guarding the ground you’ve gained. I suspect that you will become increasingly uncomfortable with her limits and she will become equally anxious about what your desire to dress means. At some point you may decide to lay all the cards on the table, tell her that there is a history to these urges that long precedes her and your medical need for compression stockings, and name it as the “gender issue” that it appears to be.

Not easy. It took me years during the course of my committed long-term marriage to come to terms with my “trans-ness,” and admit to myself and my wife that it was way more than bedroom games. She hasn’t taken it well, but we’re still together BECAUSE of what else we have, and although I don’t have her acceptance per se, she knows that I think of myself as trans. Good luck, Nancy
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on January 17, 2020, 05:54:23 pm
Thank you
I know I am eventually going to have to go down that path. At this point I think it would be too much too soon..perhaps even for me. You are right about the sexual arousal, its not really part of it. I just feel "right" when I wear them. Putting on panties stocking, garters is not even a second thought today. It part of how I get dressed. The only time I even think about it is when I'm running behind and don't have time to shave my legs. I HATE having stubbly legs. There are other folks in my life this will undoubtedly have an adverse impact on and I have to measure.."how much is enough for me?" I think I may find out sooner than later

I have these idealistic thoughts that if I dress some, that will be enough to get by. The more I do, I am afraid it's a tiny bandaid on huge cut
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 18, 2020, 09:59:12 am
@HeatherNorton
Dear Heather:
Yes indeed, taking it slow and concentrating on your transition details and your goals is the right way to go.   Things will happen in their own time,
It is nice for me to read that your SO is on board with your explorations and your journey.... you should count yourself quite fortunate in that regard.

I see that you are just a few posts away from the "magic" 15 post Forums Rank of "Newbie" and will not longer be a "Visitor" and then most Forums restrictions will be removed....  you can then view other profiles, edit your profile, send and receive forums Private Messages, and perhaps the most enjoyable feature of being able to upload your own Avatar/Profile pictures and include picture attachments in your comment postings around the various threads.

Please keep your updates coming, not only is the ability to share your thoughts very important but you also can are getting reponses from other members regarding their thoughts and questions.

HUGS, and best wishes,
Danielle


Limited rights other than posting or responding to messages. Specific limitations include no ability to view or edit profiles, not being able to send out private messages, and not being able to upload pictures or link to external pictures.
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on January 18, 2020, 11:54:01 am
One unfortunate thing I have began to realize is that as I am starting this journey, I am starting to get some bouts of depression that I never had before. Maybe be cause i can see some stuff I want and I may never be able to get. I'm not sure  :eusa_think:
Is this common as girls start the process?

I have always been everybody's rock, now I am feeling a bit lost and frustrated

And yes, that magic 15 seems to be coming quickly  :icon_dance:
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 18, 2020, 03:05:50 pm
Heather,

A slow transition that is planned and medically supervised, with therapist support as needed for clarifications of gender and any other issues, at a comfortable pace for you, makes a lot of sense.

You are not on anyone’s timetable except your own.  At times you may wish to go faster, then at other times you may wish to go slower. 

Enjoy the journey.   :)

Chrissy
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on January 18, 2020, 05:35:12 pm
seems to me that part of what I have to decide is how far do I want to go? just dressing some, full time, maybe more than that? Part of my fear is that I have this big heart to heart discussion with my SO and find out that I really dont need it as bad as I think... the grass is always greener and all that
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: RandyL on January 18, 2020, 06:30:50 pm
seems to me that part of what I have to decide is how far do I want to go? just dressing some, full time, maybe more than that? Part of my fear is that I have this big heart to heart discussion with my SO and find out that I really dont need it as bad as I think... the grass is always greener and all that
I think you should have the big talk. If it turns out you don't have to go very far to be happy then it's just happy hand slaps all around and you can go on to live life as you'd both planned. You'll probably never know how far this goes until you go down the path.

Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: NancyBalik on January 19, 2020, 06:47:26 am
Heather, Having “The Talk” and you and your wife learning about gender together does not mean that you must follow any particular course. I suspect that for every trans woman that has made the difficult decision to transition, that there are many, many more like me in the category of non-transitioning transgender. It would be great for you to have your wife’s understanding and acceptance, but of course neither you nor she at this point can know where this journey will lead. I hope she can accept you. It will help you accept you! Nancy
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on January 19, 2020, 07:16:41 am
There is a lot on the line if it goes south. I'm 10 years or so from retirement. I can not start over again. I do think... for me anyway... the best course of action is slow and steady. Maybe planning a Halloween party weekend where I can go more dressed up etc, That's a long way away though.
If I open up to her, my fear is "I did not marry a woman"   You all know the story.
non-transitioning transgender does seem more like the category I may fall under... there are more than I ever realized and I'm learning more and more about myself as I read through these forums. so who knows where I will end up... I sure dont!    :icon_tetter:
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: NancyBalik on January 20, 2020, 08:22:18 am
My wife’s responses to my efforts at “The Talk” have been some of the biggest disappointments of my life. I have attempted it a few different times a few different ways, for example once presenting her with a well-thought out letter that I read to her, then gave her, other times asking to talk about what I had learned about myself or something that I had read that applied to me and asking her to read it. Her lack of acceptance and support has been a great hurt, but here is the thing (and everyone has to make their own decision): we have stayed together because of all the other things we share. This is important, but I have not allowed it to be THE defining aspect either of me or our marriage. Some may not be able to do this (or even agree with this philosophy)—but, since I did not come to terms with my femininity until we’d been married for a long time, I believed that she deserved my loyalty and just as I wanted her understanding, she deserved mine. Don’t let anybody else tell you how to handle your own life. Seeking advice is fine, but the decisions are yours! Nancy
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on January 21, 2020, 05:04:16 pm
My wife’s responses to my efforts at “The Talk” have been some of the biggest disappointments of my life.

That is what I am concerned with. I have gained a bit of ground and my thought is if I make it pleasing for her as I make it fulfilling for me, it may grow on it's own...   That's the hope anyway
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on January 23, 2020, 10:39:14 pm
we did have a bit of the talk yesterday and it didnt go so well.
its 2 steps forward and 1 step back it seems.

 :icon_weirdface:
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on February 02, 2020, 06:45:42 am
interesting comment from my S.O. last night. I bought a new women's bathrobe , but this one is a bit different than the one (hers) i have been using. It doesn't have a tie on the inside. I mentioned that to her  and said " its not like I have to worry about my boobs falling out"
her response...  " not yet anyway "

I just smiled and didn't say much. It could have been snark or something is clicking in her after we have spoken, not sure but I didn't push it,
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: ChrissyRyan on February 02, 2020, 06:51:50 am
interesting comment from my S.O. last night. I bought a new women's bathrobe , but this one is a bit different than the one (hers) i have been using. I doesnt have a tie on the inside. I mentioned that to her  and said " its not like I have to worry about my boobs falling out"
her response...  " not yet anyway "

I just smiled and didnt say much. It could have been snark or something is clicking in her after we have spoken, not sure but I didnt push it,

Hi.

I hope everything turns out well for both of you...  transitioning can be hard at times, and at other times it seems sooooo nice. 

Hugs,

Chrissy

Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: NancyBalik on February 16, 2020, 07:29:41 pm
interesting comment from my S.O. last night. I bought a new women's bathrobe , but this one is a bit different than the one (hers) i have been using. It doesn't have a tie on the inside. I mentioned that to her  and said " its not like I have to worry about my boobs falling out"
her response...  " not yet anyway "

I just smiled and didn't say much. It could have been snark or something is clicking in her after we have spoken, not sure but I didn't push it,
Heather, Apologize for the delay in my response. Been traveling and haven’t been on the forum. Her ‘not yet anyway’ comment sure comes across as hostile. Hope the two of you have had a chance for a follow-up talk since, as I’m guessing she has some fears and maybe questions. Sure would be better for her to express in words rather than snark. Hang in there, Nancy
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on February 26, 2020, 09:10:26 am
I have a weekend planned in May. My SO just introduced me to lularoe leggings.. wow those things are comfy!  :icon_love: I purchased several women's tops recently as well. My plan is to basically spend the entire long weekend in women's clothes. I am going to try to pack nothing but, with the exception of maybe swimwear. Nightgowns at night, panties, leggings and tops during the day along with some androgynous slip on running shoes I just purchased. I realize that I am not (currently) doing anything about my face but I am looking at this is a huge step for me... and my SO if it all works the way I hope
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: JodieC on March 13, 2020, 04:21:55 am
Sorry if I am a little late to the discussion. For what it is worth, your situation has some parallels to mine. I've only recently come out to my partner as trans, and it has been a bit of a roller coaster. I pretty much agree with all of the advice above. The one thing I can add that might be helpful is to keep her perspective in mind.

We've been together for over 10 years. I'm getting a little older and our life is pretty established so my family is more important to me than my gender expression, and this influences how I am thinking about my transition. My self-understanding has been evolving ever since I came out to my partner last summer/spring. She had no clue about my gender, and her initial response was supportive. She says she believes me when I say I was in deep denial about my gender, and that in a sense I really did not know. (I was "cross-dressing" in secret periodically and saw it as a bad habit I was trying to give up. You know, like smoking! ;)  We have talked a lot. We are very good at communicating with one another. We both have therapists skilled with gender issues. We do couples therapy with my therapist who is themselves nonbinary. We both also go to support groups for trans people and partners of trans people. So basically, we're doing everything "right."

Even given all of that and the best intentions, it is hard for my partner even though she is awesome and supportive. It is hard for her for several reasons. First, being the partner of a trans person forces someone to question their own identity. For years, my partner could easily identify as a cis heterosexual woman. Now she has to re-open those kinds of questions all over again. Is she really heterosexual if I am the person she chose to make a life with? What does it mean for her identity if we stay together? Given that these are questions that most people resolve in adolescence, it can be painful and frustrating to have these questions forced upon you once again. There might be some resentment there. 

Second, because my own self-understanding is still evolving, she has to constantly re-think all of the above and our relationship every time I learn something new about my identity. So it's not just a one-time event; it's a continuing process over which she has no control but with which she must cope. Her reactions to my identity have changed over time, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, because she is constantly re-thinking her own identity in response to mine. I don't expect that to end until I have a more stable self-understanding about my identity.

Third, she has no control over whom she can tell or who will know about this part of our relationship. I'm still not out publicly so she constantly has to monitor what she says and to whom she says it. It can feel bad keeping secrets from friends and loved ones. (Boy, do trans people understand that!) It can be stressful having to be careful about what one says. And it can be really hard to feel like you have no control over who does get to know. And this is the case even though I am mindful of her need to tell people so she can have support, and she has told a number of people whom I would not have chosen to share with on my own.

Fourth, while I was in denial, I did keep a very important secret from her. I can't imagine that even though she understands, she doesn't somewhere deep down feel sad, hurt, and a little mistrustful because I could not tell her something so fundamental to our relationship with one another. I would not blame her if the question, "What else haven't they told me?" haunts her mind in some way.

Fifth, as my self-understanding changed, my transition plans change. How out I want to be, the kinds of gender expression I want to show the world, and medical interventions I'm considering also force my partner to rethink how we will relate to each other and the people around us. Like my changing identity, my changing wants and needs about my gender expression force my partner to reflect on fundamental aspects of her life and does so in a way over which she feels like she has no control.

I think I had a sixth, but I think I've also written too much! The basic point is that transitioning is not a solitary act when you are already in a relationship. It is something that you do together. And the partner is always reacting to our needs, which is hard and so unlike the rest of our relationship. None of that means we should always defer to our partners' wants or that transitioning is not a legitimate need. It does mean that we should understand how complicated our partners' experience of transitioning will be and, for me at least, that I need to be clear in my own mind about the difference between what kind of transition I want and the kind I need. Transitions can be pretty diverse, and I am trying to find a path that meets both of our needs.

Jody
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on March 13, 2020, 08:26:57 am
I think about my SO and other family members as much as I do myself. If I decide to transition, I understand I am the only one who is physically changing and that's by my decision but others around me are forced to mentally change. I'm just not sure if I can put them through that.

I am finding comfort dressing pretty much in 100% clothes made and designed for women without them being dresses/skirts etc. I wear leggings, panties and women's tops every day, sleep in nightgowns most nights but still present myself as male. Not really sure if that will change
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on April 11, 2020, 04:08:14 pm
just an update, I have cleaned out a couple drawers in my dresser, 1 underwear (kept like 3 pair of my old stuff) and 1 t-shirt to replace them with my new wardrobe as it accumulates.  I was also doing laundry and for the first time I realized I had nothing 'male' in there anymore. I am actually having a hard time telling some of my clothes apart from my SO. right now its mostly leggings, tops, panties and nightgowns. Not sure what is next. I still present 100% of the time as male not sure if that will change anytime soon. My SO made the comment. "how would you feel if I cut off all my hair real short and starting acting masculine" she does have a point.. Im not sure Id like that. I am attracted to women and femininity but it would still be her so I would love her just the same, just cant imagine her with a buzz cut (she has VERY thick hair half way down her back)
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: NancyBalik on May 08, 2020, 06:17:50 am
When a partner says something like “how would you feel if I wanted to wear male clothes?” I would take it as a request for empathy and understanding. You, of course, are best off giving that to her. Certainly it is confusing to our female partners and a loss. My wife has said to me more than once “I married a man.” She did, and I was not fully understanding or open about my gender conflict because my shame kept it secret from her. However, (and I would never say this to my wife and I am not recommending that you bring it up in the sense of arguing), my wife does wear many traditionally male clothes—from flannel and jean shirts to baseball caps, etc. And, as she’s gotten older, her hair has gotten shorter and shorter, albeit a very feminine cut. I imagine the the more understanding you can give her, the more you might get from her in return. Best, Nancy
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Maid Marion on May 08, 2020, 08:18:44 am
A possible issue with cross dressing is the dreaded "pink fog."  It is very easy to spend so much time obsessing about clothes that more important things, like your relationship, get ignored.  The relationship comes first. 

Marion
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on May 08, 2020, 01:54:28 pm
Our relationship is pretty good, it has its times of course..
A recent development was she starting making masks due to the Covid-19 issue and I am helping, she told me somewhere along the way , the idea of me in a french maid apron and heels just does it for her. I jumped all over that and she actually purchased an apron which I wear while I cut and iron. I also wear a black dress under it as its a bit cold where i live now.
She also started calling me Angel (as a name not a pet name) when she wants something or refers to me helping her. I told her how much i like that and she seems to be feeding off of it. We have actually been working very closely making masks, much closer than maybe we ever have. She told me last night that she never thought her life would go this way, but she wasn't complaining.. steps... one by one...
I have mentioned that I am so comfortable in women's clothes  etc that if I had the opportunity to wear dresses full time, I would, she said "I can understand that"  For now I wear almost no men's clothes anymore. About the only thing left of my old clothes that I wear are my socks (which i have big feet, so that prob wont change) shoes and jackets etc.  I even carry a women's wallet now that she helped me pick out. Honestly, when I go out of the house that small accessory makes me feel more feminine than almost anything
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Maid Marion on May 08, 2020, 02:53:45 pm
Hi Heather,

Doing stuff together will really help.

Marion
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on May 20, 2020, 08:42:35 am
My SO is either getting used to it or resigned to the fact she has a feminine mate. We are probably closer than we've been in years. She is referring to me as her "partner" now and made an appointment at a nail salon for me now that they are open again. If was my first time, but def not my last. I just did a clear coat and had my nails rounded off but not clipped. They look amazing!  I keep my toenails painted, she wasnt thrilled about that but now she doesnt seem to care and even made a comment when we go on vacation to get a mani-pedi together. I'll let her pick the color  :icon_bumdance-nerd:
I am finding the more I wear clothes intended for women (which is about 90% of the time now) the more I want to push to 100% and be more open and daring about it. I am finally comfortable with what I wear, though its just leggings and tops. I would so much love it if my body fit the clothes better... I know what that means.. trying to temper it a bit
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Maid Marion on May 20, 2020, 10:51:41 am
There are several women's departments in stores like Kohl's to fit different body types.  It may help to explore different brands to find what fits.  One way of quickly trying out a lot of brands is to try out stuff in a thrift store.  Ignore the ugly colors and see what fits.  Write down the brands that work best.  Then search online.
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on May 20, 2020, 12:48:52 pm
There are several women's departments in stores like Kohl's to fit different body types.  It may help to explore different brands to find what fits.  One way of quickly trying out a lot of brands is to try out stuff in a thrift store.  Ignore the ugly colors and see what fits.  Write down the brands that work best.  Then search online.

I need long shirts for tall women, I usually like ones that say they are at least 29" in length, but so hard to find. Im not particularly big in my tummy so the length isnt taken up there. The other thing is I am roughly 44" in my chest , so I am usually XL or 2 XL but finding that match of bust and length is a challenge. I have never tried anything on in public, perhaps one day... so far Kohl's  doesnt seem to have much in my size. I'm not really a plus size, more big and tall. I think im discovering some of the mens shirts can actually be quite feminine in color, that may be what I need to do... sigh..
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: RandyL on May 20, 2020, 02:23:41 pm
My Mom got me some women's shirts (bless her heart) at Eddie Bauer for Christmas because she could find longer torsos there. But I just measured and they're 26".

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on May 20, 2020, 09:59:59 pm
My Mom got me some women's shirts (bless her heart) at Eddie Bauer for Christmas because she could find longer torsos there. But I just measured and they're 26".

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

I really appreciate you checking  :icon_hug:
the issue seems to be the width when i find one long enough, they are way too wide. I had a similar problem with men's shirts. its kinda funny, even though the color can be very feminine in a mens shirt and certainly worn by women on a regular basis, I want one very specifically made for a woman.. silly I know  :icon_weee:
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Ellie_Arroway on May 21, 2020, 02:01:15 am
I really appreciate you checking  :icon_hug:
the issue seems to be the width when i find one long enough, they are way too wide. I had a similar problem with men's shirts. its kinda funny, even though the color can be very feminine in a mens shirt and certainly worn by women on a regular basis, I want one very specifically made for a woman.. silly I know  :icon_weee:

Clothes are just clothes. They have no gender as such. As you have observed, there are "men's" clothes that look feminine, just as there are "women's" clothes that look masculine.

Some labels have even stopped specifying an intended gender on their clothes. I think we will see more of that as time goes on.

Most of what I wear is "womenswear," but there are still a few items of "menswear" that I wear. I usually wear male pants (underpants if you're American) because I don't find knickers very comfortable; they're too small.

Of course, there may be differences in the cut and feel of the garments.

One option is to use a tailor, of course, to make adjustments; usually you would need to buy oversize clothes to do that.
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Lizabeth on May 23, 2020, 09:57:59 am
OK here goes. I am 75 years old and have only worn panties on occasion but my wife.(76) saw what I was surfing on the computer, got curious and started looking the x dressing stuff up. We haven't had sex for 9 years in April as I have Type 2 Diabetes and Depression. Really, the only thing that gets an erection is wearing soft sweet panties.Even surfing x dressing porn doesn't do it for me. My wife stopped initiating sex because I could not orgasm and went soft again so, we stopped for 9 years. She still masturbated secretly and still does.
Last week she asked me if I wanted to wear more of her clothes and also would I mind if she used a strap on on me. She was a nurse before she retired so knows all the physiological stuff and has read up on the psychology so, she is well informed about the location of the prostate and how to stimulate it. I immediately said of course to everything she said and she gave me a cream camisole and a long dress that she never liked but that would fit me. I was also given an old nightdress of hers which she said I could wear as a minidress and a long nightgown. So far so good. We have a lot of stuff on order with Amazon and a local Erotic Store and are waiting for it to arrive and when it comes in ,we will be able to get a better grip on things. Likes and dislikes etc.
Thank you Heather for articulating your problems and doubts so clearly
and I have a lot of the same questions in my head.

Am I asking too much of her?
how far should I take this without turning her off?
How often should I dress outwardly as female
Should I use make up
What shall I tell my hairdresser (female)
Should I chat with my Doctor (female) about it.
What about me wearing a bra or
Should I just use what God gave me up there.
What if anal intercourse is too painful for me.
Should I buy a penis extender to be able to satisfy her.

This isn't as easy as it looks on the computer and thank Goodness there are places like this to be able to chat to other women who have been thru it.





Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 23, 2020, 10:00:01 am
@Lizabeth 
Dear Lizabeth
    Please know that I do not wish to sidetrack and hijack your post and questions but I need to give you the rules and other information regarding the forums... and to Officially Greet you.

    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first posting telling us about yourself.

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you wrote about.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask....

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
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Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 23, 2020, 10:03:01 am
@Lizabeth
Dear Lizabeth:

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell more members about yourself!
 
With more exposure to more members here you will be able to get more responses to your questions and concerns.

Wishing your well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

NOTE: Now, after all of this Greeting and Welcoming stuff, I will give you and others the thread back so that the conversation can continue.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Maid Marion on May 23, 2020, 01:37:21 pm
Hi Lizabeth,

I think is it great that you are finally talking about it with your wife.

There are several ways to go with bras.  Bras without cups are sized in from small to large then XL  or plus sizes.

You can also buy breast forms inexpensively on Amazon.  There are also cross dresser places that can help you as well.  A pocket bra can securely hold breast forms.

Marion
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: RandyL on May 23, 2020, 10:31:12 pm
Hi Lizabeth,

I'm glad you're finally able to discuss this with your wife and to try some things out. It sounds like she is fairly much on board with your explorations.

You asked a bunch of questions, but the answers with different couples are all over the place. No two couples will answer them the same way. It sounds like your wife may be open to discussing your questions, and that will be the best way to go if communication lines can remain open. If she becomes uncomfortable or if you have a hard time with the conversations, a good marriage counselor should be able to help you both to navigate the situation. My own wife and I have a great counselor who has made a huge difference for us.

Good luck, and keep us posted on how you are doing. We want to help however we can.
Hugs, Randy

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: jaysonderulo on May 26, 2020, 05:58:29 pm
2nd for the amazon suggestion.
if you dont mind waiting, aliexpress too
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Gabrielageo on June 15, 2020, 03:48:33 pm
How´s aliexpress anyway_ I´ve bought some chinese stuff and it´s been really <poor>, but the prices are unbeatable
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 15, 2020, 07:14:02 pm
How´s aliexpress anyway_ I´ve bought some chinese stuff and it´s been really <not allowed>, but the prices are unbeatable
@Gabrielageo
Dear Gabrielageo
    Please know that I am not trying to hijack your post but first I wish to Officially Welcome YOU to Susan's Place.
    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first posting. 

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say.
 
    I want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask....

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Northern Star Girl on June 15, 2020, 07:15:45 pm
@Gabrielageo
Dear Gabrielageo:

If you feel so inclined please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell more members about yourself!
 
With more exposure to more members here you will be able to get more responses to your questions and concerns.

Wishing your well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

NOTE: Now, after all of this Greeting and Welcoming stuff, I will give you and your readers your thread back so you can get some answers from other members.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on June 16, 2020, 11:09:46 am
How´s aliexpress anyway_ I´ve bought some chinese stuff and it´s been really <not allowed>, but the prices are unbeatable


Ali Express is hit and miss for me, I would say 1/2 to 1/3 never showed up but I was able to do a dispute and Ali Express gave me credit back on my card pretty quickly. I notice some of the exact same things on Amazon for more money, but you do get them quicker. Quality has been all over the place, just like any place that deals with multiple merchants selling on their platform. To me, that is to be expected though.
Any issues I had with things not being as described were credited without issue

and last but certainly not least. WELCOME!  :icon_clap:
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: ashley7 on June 16, 2020, 11:15:59 pm
I think you should tell her how you feel.
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Heather N on October 21, 2020, 03:46:43 pm
What a difference a year makes! i know it wasnt a year ago when I started this post but my life sure has changed in the last year. although I still dont try to present as female and not sure i ever will. I almost never wear men's clothes anymore.I get regular manicures and get mani-pedis with my SO where they paint my toenails but just a clear coat for my fingers. I am growing my nails out and expressed my desire to paint them a rather neutral color.  My SO actually told me the other night that seeing me in a dress "really does something for her" I pressed her on it just a bit and she said that its not so much the dress but the fact that I am comfortable enough to wear a dress or nightgown just as I used to wear a pair of pants and a t-shirt.
I expressed my desire to be able to go outside the house with a dress etc on, but she just kinda laughed and said " I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it!"   ;D
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: JennyTG on October 22, 2020, 05:31:03 pm
What a difference a year makes! i know it wasnt a year ago when I started this post but my life sure has changed in the last year. although I still dont try to present as female and not sure i ever will. I almost never wear men's clothes anymore.I get regular manicures and get mani-pedis with my SO where they paint my toenails but just a clear coat for my fingers. I am growing my nails out and expressed my desire to paint them a rather neutral color.  My SO actually told me the other night that seeing me in a dress "really does something for her" I pressed her on it just a bit and she said that its not so much the dress but the fact that I am comfortable enough to wear a dress or nightgown just as I used to wear a pair of pants and a t-shirt.
I expressed my desire to be able to go outside the house with a dress etc on, but she just kinda laughed and said " I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it!"   ;D

Hi Heather, good to see you back here.  Like your story I have moved on quite a bit after a year.  Passing isn't an issue but I still get super-fussy over my appearance.  My reg maintenance routine from the salon now includes leg and brow wax, mani/pedi work and having a light shade of pink on both toes and fingers to match (I have to sacrifice other stuff to afford it!).  I hope you are taking care of all that nasty body hair as well.  When I visit the salon now I'm wearing broderie t shirts (my beautician really likes them), reg shorts and short heel sandals.  Laser treatment will probably happen soon as I'm not on HRT and don't ever intend to be. 

Outerwear such as dresses and skirts will be a huge leap for me but I'm definitely changing up my style more frequently now.  It's so much fun being a girl out there.  Good luck on your journey.

- Jenny
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Northern Star Girl on October 22, 2020, 05:47:27 pm
@Heather
Dear Heather:
I was so happy to see that you have posted again and have come back to the Forums.
I was also pleased to see your updates regarding your clothing, manicures, pedicures, and when at home staying in female clothes.... and your S.O. seems to give you approval!!!!   That is very good news.,

Thanks for sharing and posting.   I will be eagerly looking for your next posts on your thread and around the forums.
HUGS and as always I am wishing you well.
Danielle
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: heathercd20 on November 06, 2020, 01:36:16 pm
Hi Heather! This is Heather.

Thanks for posting. I think you are SO fortunate to have a SO who supports your crossdressing. That is wonderful news about her letting you shave and sleep in panties and a nightie. And having sex with her while in stockings! OMG. I have been married for 34 years to the same woman. I am 60 years old. I started crossdressing when I was about 13 and did not stop till about 10 years ago. I thought I could suppress this femme side. I purged and threw all my stuff away.

My wife supported my crossdressing at first early in my marriage but she never wanted to participate. I shaved my legs a couple of times and she got pissed. Oh how wonderful it is to have shaved legs. The other day my urges came back voraciously so I shaved my legs and painted my toenails. I am using the bathroom on the other side of the house. It is just us and we have a 1 story house. She has not picked up on it yet since we don't have any sex at all. She has MS and is quite a mess. So needless to say I masturbate a lot.

I bought a padded bra the other day and a thong and some hose and some flats so I could walk around the house quietly. I plan on buying some heels and some makeup, wig, breast forms and the whole works. I was quite proficient at crossdressing in my past. I guess that never leaves us!

I struggled with the trans issue years ago as I have had people think I look a bit girly even though I am a big guy. My facial features are soft, and I have GREAT legs. My genitalia are small so that got me thinking, should I have been born a girl?

We have a big soaker tub in our Master bathroom. After doing a lot of yardwork I will fix myself a bubble bath and indulge. When in the bath, I push my balls up and my penis back and admire the smooth front and wonder if I should have been a woman. I also have decent breast tissue. So who knows...... I look forward to a bubble bath soon and will shave my legs with my toes painted. And drink a glass of wine. I am still figuring out how to come out to my wife again since she thought my femme self is gone and that was just a phase. She does not understand how complex this is. I have not sought help with a therapist but may do so in the near future.

Self acceptance is the first step and it sounds like you are there girl. And having a partner whom you can confide in is wonderful. I wish I had that. Thanks for sharing your story and you compelled me to share mine a bit.

Good luck,

Heather

I got off in the shower the last couple of days after shaving my legs and looking at my painted toes.
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 20, 2020, 09:05:23 am
@heathercd20
Dear heathercd20
    Thank you for joining Susan's Place and the Forums.

    Please know that I am not trying to sidetrack your questions and thoughts....
...but first, it appears that you have never been officially welcomed and given the rules and policies of Susan's Place and the Forums.


    Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts.... as you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)
Title: Re: Taking it slow
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 20, 2020, 09:07:26 am
@heathercd20
Dear heathercd20:

OH, another thing....  Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell more members about yourself!
 
With more exposure to more members here you will be able to get more responses to your questions and concerns.

Wishing you well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

NOTE: Now, after all of this Greeting and Welcoming stuff, I will give you and others the thread back so that the conversation can continue.


Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle