Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transitioning => Topic started by: Rebecca28 on July 22, 2020, 04:45:52 pm

Title: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 22, 2020, 04:45:52 pm
Ladies,

I have been on HRT 5 months. I have a list of things I feel I need to do before I can go full time. When did you know it was time to make that plunge? I have an 11 month plan to go full time next summer after my child support ends. My therapist is really recommending me speed up my transition and get going full time faster. I feel like I need to complete at least the electrolysis on my face and at least be able to better blend. This will give me over a year of chest growth too. I want to change my name debt free too. So I can truly start a new life as me for the first time. I just feel like I need to learn makeup more and get my proverbial ducks in a row set up. Every day I am moving toward my goals on many different facets of this. Any advice is appreciated. This is my last summer in swim trunks!! No matter what! 
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 22, 2020, 05:50:32 pm
@danielle28
Dear Danielle:
While it is great to formulate a plan that includes the dates for your full-time goals, your body may not always cooperate with your HRT and other cosmetic changes.

The time to finally go Full Time is a decision that can only be made by you, you are the one that knows best about your issues with family members, relationships, employment, finances, obligations, etc.

After reading and thinking about what you stated, I might tend to agree with your therapist to speed up things a little.  Waiting till all of your ducks are in a row sounds logical but that day may be further in the future than you wish. 

Before I finally went full-time, I frequently went out and about with the best possible appearance that I could, sometimes for the entire weekend or even some of my vacation time...

I wasn't fully ready for full time but it was important to get the experience of getting out there and watching and learning... and even enduring some nasty comments and staring.   That really helped me to understand more fully what my strong points were and what were my weak points.   

I had a woman friend that at times would go out there with me and give me suggestions and pointers, plus there is the factor of safety in numbers and not doing it alone... the support of her being with me as I ventured out was invaluable... and to fend off those that were not very pleasant with their comments.   While I practiced my makeup and details about how to dress, she would be there sometimes to get me going in the right direction.

I really hope that you can glean something helpful from what I wrote...  I will be looking forward to reading your updates as you feel so inclined to share.

HUGS and best wishes,
From another Danielle

Ladies,

I have been on HRT 5 months. I have a list of things I feel I need to do before I can go full time. When did you know it was time to make that plunge? I have an 11 month plan to go full time next summer after my child support ends. My therapist is really recommending me speed up my transition and get going full time faster. I feel like I need to complete at least the electrolysis on my face and at least be able to better blend. This will give me over a year of chest growth too. I want to change my name debt free too. So I can truly start a new life as me for the first time. I just feel like I need to learn makeup more and get my proverbial ducks in a row set up. Every day I am moving toward my goals on many different facets of this. Any advice is appreciated. This is my last summer in swim trunks!! No matter what!
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Danielle Kristina on July 22, 2020, 05:59:10 pm
I’m not full time yet, but I know that at some point I will be.  I’ll have to go full time.  My dysphoria won’t let me pretend to be cis forever.  Until two years ago I thought I was cis.  Then suddenly my feminine feelings exploded!  I began dressing full time around the house (outside I still presented as male); began wearing panties full time; even began sitting to pee full time.  These were things I didn’t do for years but suddenly was overcome by the NEED to.  My dysphoria had become its strongest and now I know it will only get even stronger from here.  Right now I’m slowly coming out to friends and family.  Once I’ve come out completely I will begin living full time as my authentic self.  As scared of this as I am, I’m also very much looking forward to it!


Danielle
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 22, 2020, 06:13:01 pm
@Danielle Kristina    @danielle28

WOWzers... we should start a "Danielle" club !!!   
Three of us on this thread!!!


HUGS and best wishes to both of you as you head toward your Full-time goals in your journey.

There is lots of good information and informative posts and threads from member here that are
going through what you are experiencing.  Take some time and do some searching, reading and posting.

Danielle  (Northern Star Girl)
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rakel on July 22, 2020, 06:47:07 pm
@Danielle Kristina    @danielle28

WOWzers... we should start a "Danielle" club !!!   
Three of us on this thread!!!

Danielle  (Northern Star Girl)

Make that a fourth Danielle. When I first signed on to Susan's Place, I was thinking of Danielle for my new name. That did not work out, but I did.

When I transitioned, I went into a period of androgynous clothing, until things began to become very obvious. Then it was no big deal. If the size fits wear it.  ;)

Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 22, 2020, 07:34:54 pm
Thank you sister Danielle’s.. I appreciate the advice! I am really struggling with the timing because  the advice from Danielle was so true.  Thank you for your feedback.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Jessica_Rose on July 22, 2020, 08:18:47 pm
I hope you don't mind if a non-Danielle chimes in. If it helps, one of my best friends is named 'Danielle'!

I had planned to wait 12 months after starting HRT to go full time. At the 10-month point I experienced a round of euphoria that lasted about two hours. It was a bit frightening at first because I had never experienced it before. I took that as a sign that it was time. A few days later I submitted the paperwork for a legal name change. For the first time ever, I dressed fully as a woman and went out in public so I could visit my doctor to get a form allowing me to change the gender on my drivers license. Within two weeks of becoming euphoric, my name change was complete. I announced my transition at work on a Friday. Over the weekend I visited a hair salon, got my ears pierced, learned some very basic makeup, and bought a few more clothes. Monday morning, Jessica was at her desk.

I never had voice therapy like I planned, and the only surgery I had at that point was a trachea shave. I look at photos from then and think 'wow, I was really brave', although in reality I know it was an act of desperation. Those first few weeks as Jessica were tough, but everything has worked out well. I wish you all the best.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 22, 2020, 09:19:59 pm
Thank you so much Jessica for your sharing. I was kind of wondering if that happens to more of our sisters. That inner feeling from the heart that’s says it’s time. It’s my case it’s complicated by having teenage daughters. One I know knows. The other I am not sure and want to meet with both my girls after my youngest graduates next summer. I want to line up counseling for them with their colleges and to share my story with them so they know of my life long struggle. I just want to be comfortable in my own body. Each day I work on something to help inch me closer to my goals and ultimately to blend in. My boss knows and has been great and supportive. I am very lucky there.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Alice on July 22, 2020, 09:55:37 pm
Danielle,

I had my plans to go full time from at least 12 to 18 months before it occurred and I was actively planing it for a good 4 months. I was waiting for my hair to grow and also wanted to ensure my HRT was working.

Because of the way our work was structured it made sense to wait for the start of the financial year and plan events around that time such as staff training. I basically had a 3 day break in July last year for our staff members to be ready for the change.

Alice

Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Erika_ on July 22, 2020, 10:00:02 pm
I jumped in with both feet and went full time pre HRT, I just couldn't wait.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 23, 2020, 02:47:08 pm
Alice, that’s awesome.. I just feel like I have a lot to do and a ways to go before I am passing. My goal really is each day to move closer. Like HRT it seems slow but then I look in the mirror and am like wow!! So in I know slow and steady accomplishes my goal over time. I applaud you Erika for going for it faster. The one thing I know for sure is I am not going back!!

Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Oldandcreaky on July 23, 2020, 04:26:12 pm
I went full time when my appearance compelled it. A couple years of estrogen and the removal of face and body hair made passing as male pretty iffy, even though I kept my hair short and always wore a tie and jacket to help people read me as male. 
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Oldandcreaky on July 23, 2020, 04:29:30 pm
I wasn't fully ready for full time but it was important to get the experience of getting out there and watching and learning... and even enduring some nasty comments and staring.   That really helped me to understand more fully what my strong points were and what were my weak points.   

I had a woman friend that at times would go out there with me and give me suggestions and pointers, plus there is the factor of safety in numbers and not doing it alone... the support of her being with me as I ventured out was invaluable... and to fend off those that were not very pleasant with their comments.   While I practiced my makeup and details about how to dress, she would be there sometimes to get me going in the right direction.

^Great advice^
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Jenny_Oh on July 23, 2020, 04:47:53 pm
I have been on HRT 5 months. I have a list of things I feel I need to do before I can go full time. When did you know it was time to make that plunge? I just feel like I need to learn makeup more and get my proverbial ducks in a row set up.

Well, I had planned to start electrolysis in the fall and was thinking about going full time some time in 2021, but my timetable got moved up :o Waay too many people know by now, like basically most of my family, friends, neighbors and colleagues. The rumor mill did its work and the physical changes are pretty obvious now so ... submitting my name change next week and if I ever physically return to work it will be as Jennifer. My ducks are most certainly not in a row, in fact life is chaos, no work clothes, no electrolysis, no orchiectomy and still stuck on transdermal gel. But I'm definitely a woman  ;D ;D
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Pammie on July 23, 2020, 04:57:03 pm
Well, I had planned to start electrolysis in the fall and was thinking about going full time some time in 2021, but my timetable got moved up :o Waay too many people know by now, like basically most of my family, friends, neighbors and colleagues. The rumor mill did its work and the physical changes are pretty obvious now so ... submitting my name change next week and if I ever physically return to work it will be as Jennifer. My ducks are most certainly not in a row, in fact life is chaos, no work clothes, no electrolysis, no orchiectomy and still stuck on transdermal gel. But I'm definitely a woman  ;D ;D
Hun, lots of us went full time without surgery
Tbh given the NHS waiting lists I would be waiting years if surgery had been a prerequisite for going full time.
I use the transdermal gel too, I take it you want to have a different regime?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 23, 2020, 05:07:43 pm
I have a group of my most trusted friends and mom and my brother know. They are very supportive. I am just not close to being able to blend yet. My girls are annoyingly growing. I couldn’t be any more happier with their growth. My 5th electrolysis appointment is tomorrow. So I am On my way.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: ChrissyRyan on July 23, 2020, 07:20:47 pm
I still have not hit the magic wall that tells me I must.

Some days the feelings are very strong to do so.


Chrissy
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 24, 2020, 10:27:57 pm
I know ultimately, the decision is mine to make. Today after a road trip and time to think about this. I am going to keep inching my way toward my goals without a set time frame. I will know when it will be time. I will listen to my heart. I think for me that’s the way to go. I appreciate everyone sharing their perspective and advice with me. If others would like to share I will appreciate your advice as well!  Hugs, Danielle
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Northern Star Girl on July 24, 2020, 10:48:37 pm
I know ultimately, the decision is mine to make. Today after a road trip and time to think about this. I am going to keep inching my way toward my goals without a set time frame. I will know when it will be time. I will listen to my heart. I think for me that’s the way to go. I appreciate everyone sharing their perspective and advice with me. If others would like to share I will appreciate your advice as well!  Hugs, Danielle

@danielle28

Dear Danielle:
I am so glad to read that you have postulated a workable plan for your Full-Time and possible relocation decisions.
As has been discussed on this thread with the various comments from others, it can be a difficult thing to know for sure what exactly one needs to do...

As you aptly stated, the decision is obviously yours alone to make.
I wish you well as you go forward in careful and considered steps.

Your readers and followers here are your biggest fans and we are always rooting for your success.
As you feel comfortable doing please keep us updated from time to time.

HUGS and more HUGS,

Danielle (Northern Star Girl)
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Sophiaprincess2019 on July 24, 2020, 11:04:34 pm
. My therapist is really recommending me speed up my transition and get going full time faster.

Hi Danielle, after reading your post the part where your therapist recommending you "speed up" is horrible advice. It's not your therapist's place to recommend what speed you transition. I've found slowing down and not rushing puts me at ease because I don't feel rushed. Allow yourself time to mentally adjust, this is a life changing decision to become your true self and we need time to allow our minds to catch up.

As far as knowing when to go full time: Personally I knew it was time when I could not present male even after I tried hard a few last times. The last time I "played dress up" and tried to look like a boy I failed miserably! I was so happy!
You'll know when it's your time. You'll get an inner sense that dressing like a man is foreign, then it might be a "right" time.  Wherever life takes you I wish you well. You got this!

Sophia
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: nz_maddie on July 24, 2020, 11:40:39 pm
Hi, I started HRT in August 2019 and my plan was to come out to all and go full time Sept / Oct 2020.  We went into lockdown late March and I decided that the time was right.  I came out on Facebook and at work, and from there on in went full time.  At that time going public basically consisted of visits to the food store, and we didn't use masks here so I couldn't hide behind one!

I started laser facial air removal before starting HRT and have only just started electrolysis for the grey hair.

Things have been fantastic so far, we are back at work now, I am 100% out, my name is legally changed, and I have all new ID and passport.  I have been very fortunate and have maintained a confident and positive air, which really has helped.  I knew that the time was right, for me, and you will know when it's right, for you.

Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 25, 2020, 12:41:31 pm
Danielle, thank you for the kind words.. I will keep everyone updated. Fortunately we have a good local support group I am in. I talked to Susan from this site this last week. She was so encouraging and so nice and loving! It really helped.

Sophia, I thought it was strange advice too. I feel good about my plans and they are happening! Thus, I submitted this question. It just didn’t sit well with me. The more I thought about it the more it bothered me. Granted it was only advice that I can take or leave:

I appreciate your sharing when you knew. This girl is so excited but scared as I navigate these difficult waters. I know will be ok in the other side!
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 25, 2020, 12:48:46 pm
Maddie, 

Thank you so much sharing your experience. I am glad that all worked out for you as it did. I have had three laser treatments and now am on the electrolysis. I have told two groups I am in.  I playEd pickleball today and told them. They started calling me my new name in support of me despite being in male mode at the court. I almost cried! They showed so much love and compassion. My other group is an improv comedy group. They are so diverse and unique. I have been playing a woman’s part in skits for a few weeks. They were very supportive too. I am very fortunate to have amazing support as I navigate this process.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: ChrissyRyan on July 25, 2020, 01:17:11 pm
Maddie, 

Thank you so much sharing your experience. I am glad that all worked out for you as it did. I have had three laser treatments and now am on the electrolysis. I have told two groups I am in.  I playEd pickleball today and told them. They started calling me my new name in support of me despite being in male mode at the court. I almost cried! They showed so much love and compassion. My other group is an improv comedy group. They are so diverse and unique. I have been playing a woman’s part in skits for a few weeks. They were very supportive too. I am very fortunate to have amazing support as I navigate this process.

That sounds wonderful.   :)

Chrissy
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 25, 2020, 01:41:16 pm
Chrissy,

Thank you so much!!

Hugs, Danielle
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: sarahc on July 25, 2020, 05:12:50 pm
I agree that a pandemic lockdown can be a really good time to go full time if you can. For me, presenting in two dimensions via Zoom videoconferences has been a great transition tool - it has given me confidence in a non-threatening, controlled setting and gets people used to seeing the new me in 2D. Then when people see you live and in person, it isn't going to be nearly as jarring. The pandemic has been horrible (it blew up my first FFS date among other things), but the pandemic has also yielded some unusual transition opportunities.

Sarah


Hi, I started HRT in August 2019 and my plan was to come out to all and go full time Sept / Oct 2020.  We went into lockdown late March and I decided that the time was right.  I came out on Facebook and at work, and from there on in went full time.  At that time going public basically consisted of visits to the food store, and we didn't use masks here so I couldn't hide behind one!

I started laser facial air removal before starting HRT and have only just started electrolysis for the grey hair.

Things have been fantastic so far, we are back at work now, I am 100% out, my name is legally changed, and I have all new ID and passport.  I have been very fortunate and have maintained a confident and positive air, which really has helped.  I knew that the time was right, for me, and you will know when it's right, for you.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Alice on July 25, 2020, 08:52:58 pm
Alice, that’s awesome.. I just feel like I have a lot to do and a ways to go before I am passing. My goal really is each day to move closer. Like HRT it seems slow but then I look in the mirror and am like wow!! So in I know slow and steady accomplishes my goal over time. I applaud you Erika for going for it faster. The one thing I know for sure is I am not going back!!

Danielle,

For myself slow and steady had to win the race. Remember you are not racing anyone, go at your own pace.

Everyone from work to my friends knew I was trans for a long time before I went full time. I was grateful to have work mates who were extremely understanding and gave myself the time to plan my transition. I am sure they all knew from 12 months out about my plans to transition.

Another reason I had to go slow was because I had failed once before. Back in 2008 I started HRT and I was never comfortable. It took about 6 months but I eventually had to quit HRT as I was going from bad to worse. Hence I needed to be extra careful this time around.

Alice
 

 
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 25, 2020, 11:28:39 pm
Alice,

Thanks for your advice. This is my third go on HRT and am not stopping this time. I went on for 4 months 2 years ago. Moved across the country and was extremely stressed. so I stopped and gave myself some time to get settled. It was just too much. I started again 6 months later for 5 months. was lonely and frustrated and met an amazing woman. We fell in love. So I said maybe I need to hit the pause button again because I wanted to marry this woman. I needed to find a new doctor  in my new hometown. We broke up January 25 of this year. I ended up in the local ER got a referral for a trans friendly doctor. Met the best doctor I have ever had. He does my hormones and is my primary doctor. The woman and I are best friends still very much in love even though we aren’t dating officially. She helps me out with learning a lot of things like makeup and clothes.
I am determined to not stop this time and have fully accepted my transition. I am more excited about my future than ever before.  My depression is all but gone.,it occasionally rears it’s ugly head. I get through those days pretty quick especially knowing they won’t last forever. I am blessed but make no mistake some days are very difficult. The difference with my third time around is my increased support. My determination to live authentically as me and my love of life.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: pamelatransuk on July 27, 2020, 02:19:38 pm
Alice,

Thanks for your advice. This is my third go on HRT and am not stopping this time. I went on for 4 months 2 years ago. Moved across the country and was extremely stressed. so I stopped and gave myself some time to get settled. It was just too much. I started again 6 months later for 5 months. was lonely and frustrated and met an amazing woman. We fell in love. So I said maybe I need to hit the pause button again because I wanted to marry this woman. I needed to find a new doctor  in my new hometown. We broke up January 25 of this year. I ended up in the local ER got a referral for a trans friendly doctor. Met the best doctor I have ever had. He does my hormones and is my primary doctor. The woman and I are best friends still very much in love even though we aren’t dating officially. She helps me out with learning a lot of things like makeup and clothes.
I am determined to not stop this time and have fully accepted my transition. I am more excited about my future than ever before.  My depression is all but gone.,it occasionally rears it’s ugly head. I get through those days pretty quick especially knowing they won’t last forever. I am blessed but make no mistake some days are very difficult. The difference with my third time around is my increased support. My determination to live authentically as me and my love of life.

Hello Danielle

It is wonderful to read that you are now well motivated and equipped to pursue and enjoy transition and to go fulltime when you are ready.

As for me, I knew several months in advance that I would be going fulltime as soon as my previous house sold. I left my old house June 28th 2019 and went fulltime June 29th 2019. However I was so desperate for fulltime (16 months HRT) that had the sale failed, I think I would have gone fulltime then before moving.

Wishing all those still in preparation every success in choosing the correct time.

Hugs

Pamela xx
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Pammie on July 27, 2020, 02:55:13 pm
Alice,

Thanks for your advice. This is my third go on HRT and am not stopping this time. I went on for 4 months 2 years ago. Moved across the country and was extremely stressed. so I stopped and gave myself some time to get settled. It was just too much. I started again 6 months later for 5 months. was lonely and frustrated and met an amazing woman. We fell in love. So I said maybe I need to hit the pause button again because I wanted to marry this woman. I needed to find a new doctor  in my new hometown. We broke up January 25 of this year. I ended up in the local ER got a referral for a trans friendly doctor. Met the best doctor I have ever had. He does my hormones and is my primary doctor. The woman and I are best friends still very much in love even though we aren’t dating officially. She helps me out with learning a lot of things like makeup and clothes.
I am determined to not stop this time and have fully accepted my transition. I am more excited about my future than ever before.  My depression is all but gone.,it occasionally rears it’s ugly head. I get through those days pretty quick especially knowing they won’t last forever. I am blessed but make no mistake some days are very difficult. The difference with my third time around is my increased support. My determination to live authentically as me and my love of life.
I’m intrigued what your role was when you met and fell in love with this woman. How did she feel about how life was going to change so much for you as a couple as you transitioned to your true self?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 27, 2020, 03:34:41 pm
Pamela,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement!!

Alice, we met when I was in guy mode. Told her I was trans up front. She was fine with that. We dated and both fell head over heals for each other very quickly. As with many relationships where things go too fast. As we really got to know each other. We both realized our dating relationship was not working  for many reasons. So we broke up sadly, cried a lot, took a couple of weeks apart then reconnected over lunch. She was free to date again and so was I. We both went on dates with other people. I knew at the end of my date. I was fully transitioning once and for all. I was determined to not meet anyone until I was full time as me for the first time. Much to my surprise, her date didn’t work out either. We are best friends and closer than ever as a result of my transitioning. We have matching pajamas and enjoy shopping together. We support each other emotionally and are there to give each other hugs.. most importantly we have fun together and really enjoy each other’s company but respect each other’s need for alone time. We have made our nondating relationship closer then when we were dating and the future looks bright. Because there is not that dating pressure. We are just two people who love to be with each other and are determined to support each other. I am very blessed and fortunate. We are both free to date others but realized we both don’t want to right now and just enjoy each other in our lives. In the end who knows what will happen. We could just be girlfriends together or eventually start dating again. who knows. I take one day at a time and continue my journey to womanhood.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: ChrissyRyan on July 27, 2020, 03:41:44 pm
Pamela,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement!!

Alice, we met when I was in guy mode. Told her I was trans up front. She was fine with that. We dated and both fell head over heals for each other very quickly. As with many relationships where things go too fast. As we really got to know each other. We both realized our dating relationship was not working  for many reasons. So we broke up sadly, cried a lot, took a couple of weeks apart then reconnected over lunch. She was free to date again and so was I. We both went on dates with other people. I knew at the end of my date. I was fully transitioning once and for all. I was determined to not meet anyone until I was full time as me for the first time. Much to my surprise, her date didn’t work out either. We are best friends and closer than ever as a result of my transitioning. We have matching pajamas and enjoy shopping together. We support each other emotionally and are there to give each other hugs.. most importantly we have fun together and really enjoy each other’s company but respect each other’s need for alone time. We have made our nondating relationship closer then when we were dating and the future looks bright. Because there is not that dating pressure. We are just two people who love to be with each other and are determined to support each other. I am very blessed and fortunate. We are both free to date others but realized we both don’t want to right now and just enjoy each other in our lives. In the end who knows what will happen. We could just be girlfriends together or eventually start dating again. who knows. I take one day at a time and continue my journey to womanhood.


Having a true friend is so valuable and important.   :)

Chrissy
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 27, 2020, 06:16:29 pm
Chrissy,

I am very lucky and taking another year to build my support has been good for me., like many others I tried everything and I mean everything to not transition. I spent 40 years struggling to know what I had and no amount of therapy could help me. I would have benefitted from a scientific test like the work they are doing on brain scans. I just wanted to feel comfortable in my own body, wanted to be loved and accepted. I did the hyper masculine approach, got married and lived the life of a happily married guy. I was active in my church, community and played sports. Yet inside I was miserable and didn’t understand what. I thought my dysphoria flared when I was under a lot of stress. Ultimately got divorced not as a result but it gave me a chance to breath and really explore this. I went to a reknown therapist who after 10 sessions. I asked for a letter and was told it would be $60. I got the letter and never went back as I felt taken advantage of completely. I found an angel as I call them at a crossdressing store. She recommended planned parenthood for HRT. I had waited over 6 months for an endocrinologist and then they cancelled my appointment because he doctor was sick on my appointment day. The next appointment was not for another 4 months. So i went to planned parenthood. They were so nice,  sweet, very loving and were amazing. When I moved across the country. My current planned hood doesn’t offer it trans support and HRT.  As mentioned in a previous post my primary now does it all and is amazing. All of this journey has come to this point of finally accepting myself, loving myself and going for it once and for all. I have nothing to loose but good days ahead! My debilitating depression is so much better. I love feeling comfortable in my clothes for the first time. I am loved for the first time as me. . I have so much more to go. Not sure how many surgeries I will end up getting. I have an idea and take one day at a time as I keep moving forward.  I appreciate all tbe advice I’ve been given on this site from other brave women like me!
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Alice on July 27, 2020, 07:12:41 pm
Chrissy,

I am very lucky and taking another year to build my support has been good for me., like many others I tried everything and I mean everything to not transition. I spent 40 years struggling to know what I had and no amount of therapy could help me. I would have benefitted from a scientific test like the work they are doing on brain scans. I just wanted to feel comfortable in my own body, wanted to be loved and accepted. I did the hyper masculine approach, got married and lived the life of a happily married guy. I was active in my church, community and played sports. Yet inside I was miserable and didn’t understand what. I thought my dysphoria flared when I was under a lot of stress.

Danielle,

I also struggled and I foughted it the best I could. First time around I did not want to transition but I saw a gender specialist and he recommend HRT straight away. In hind sight we both agreed it was to soon to start HRT, the result on my mental health were disastrous.

In a way it helped me the second time as I knew I needed to take it slowly and carefully plan every step. That why it took 18 months from starting HRT to going full time.

Alice
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 27, 2020, 08:11:06 pm
Alice, thank you for sharing your journey. I have carefully planned my transition too. I just felt so overwhelmed by everything and broke it down to steps I could attain with out any extra stress.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: KateR on July 27, 2020, 09:52:54 pm
I went full time when I acquired enough clothing!


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Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: ChrissyRyan on July 27, 2020, 09:55:33 pm
I went full time when I acquired enough clothing!


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That certainly is a practical aspect and consideration.  :)

Chrissy
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 28, 2020, 07:40:54 pm
I went full time when I acquired enough clothing!


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That’s really great. Wish I could but I have much more than clothing before o can go full time. I am so glad you were able to. That’s awesome! 
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: AllieSF on July 28, 2020, 10:51:09 pm
Danielle,

I went full time about 4 months after starting HRT.  I new that I wanted to start that year after a trip to a destination wedding in Cancun, Mexico.  That trip was unfortunately canceled. However, knowing that I was going to go full time in the very warm months of summer in the San Francisco area, I spent a lot of shopping time buying exactly what I knew that I could wear comfortably while still presenting clearly as a woman.  I bought several pairs of Bermuda shorts, more than double that number of simple and lite tops to match the shorts, and some cheap sandals.  Being retired and at home most of the day except for my daily morning coffee with my coffee mates, I knew that I needed to dress casually.

Well, it didn't take me long to get together a complete wardrobe.  So, I started after having enough of the "right" clothes.  I already had way too many going out at night into the City clothes and outfits.  I didn't really schedule it and it was a little later than I originally wanted, but close enough.  Unbeknownst to me, I had a lot of the hard visual stuff well underway and basically complete, including pierced ears, long hair getting regular attention from my hair stylist and almost done with facial hair removal.

I am still very happy about all of this and would not trade my past life nor this new life for anything, even if I was a very late transitioner.  I truly enjoyed both lives and have no regrets.

Allie
Title: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: KateR on July 28, 2020, 11:57:35 pm
There was a little more to the “acquiring a wardrobe.”

I really wanted to keep my marriage, so the acquiring the clothing was very dependent on my wife getting comfortable with my feminine appearance and being comfortable being with me in public. 

We had a real tough two years, or so.  Many times we were one wrong word from separating.  As she came to understand what was driving me, and had some opportunities to participate in our support group, she understood this wasn’t some deviant sexual fetish, but a conflict deep inside me that I finally had to do something about before it killed me.  She started helping me with makeup and wardrobe.  I started dressing feminine in the house more and more, and venturing out in public more and more. 

For several months, if I was in KC, it was full ‘en femme’.  At home I’d tone it down.  When I had acquired enough to have outfits for most occasions, and about 10 days of everyday stuff I went full time and purged the AMAB clothing.

i’ve kept my tux; not that I’ll ever wear it again but it was worn when I walked our daughters down their aisles, and worn when I was honored and promoted to leadership in the charity I volunteered in.  (When asked I simply say, the tux can go when the wedding dress goes.)  I’ve also kept some souvenir button down shirts, (again reminders of wonderful memories) and one pair of back in the day shoes, that I wear when I’m weed eating the yard after mowing!  (My other shoes are too nice and comfortable to crud up with yard work!)

So full time was probably more when my wife was comfortable with it, as much as having the wardrobe to support it.


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Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 29, 2020, 06:36:59 am
Kate,
So full time was probably more when my wife was comfortable with it, as much as having the wardrobe to support it.

Thanks for sharing more of your journey. I knew it wasn’t as simple as buying new clothes. So glad you had a partner to go on your journey with you!! I have been going through my guy clothing to decide what’s staying. So far just a black suit and my boys scout uniform with my Eagle on it. I think my daughters and future grand kids will want to see that. Other than that everything else is going and soon. I have just switched over to panties full time and all women’s shorts, jeans, socks and tshirts that are more androgynous. It takes time: I have a dress I can’t wait to wear out!! Thanks for sharing more of your journey with me!
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 29, 2020, 07:08:11 am
Allie,

Thank you for sharing your journey. This is all I want from my journey as well.!! “I am still very happy about all of this and would not trade my past life nor this new life for anything, even if I was a very late transitioner.  I truly enjoyed both lives and have no regrets.”
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Nadine Spirit on July 30, 2020, 07:25:43 am
Personally I never had any intentions of going full time.  I simply thought I would change my hormones and see how that worked out for me and my personal mental goals.  It worked very well, much more so than I thought it would.  That was July 2017.  The choice of changing my hormones had a bit of a domino effect.

When I first got my prescription for HRT I was quite shocked when trying to fill it the pharmacy told me my insurance would not pay for it even though they paid for my wife's estrogen and we both work for the same company.  Anywho..... this led to me charging my employer with discrimination at the EEOC.  That led to mediation which led to me agreeing to legally change my gender to get my companies insurance to pay for my E without the company having to change it's anti-transgender policy.  With the EEOC employees informing me of the reality of my situation and what moving forward with a federal lawsuit against my employer would entail and the likelihood of winning that case under Trump's watch, I agreed to sign the mediation paperwork. 

They told me I only needed to change my legal gender but not my name.  I laughed at them.  I pursued a legal transition at that point.  I still had no true intention of going full time.  People asked what my intentions were and I told them I did not know.  However, once I was sitting before the judge, waiting for him to swing that gavel and make the pronouncement, I realized just how important all of this is to me.  When he pronounced me as my new name and gender and his gavel hit his table, I knew then that I would never pretend to be something I am not.  That was the moment I decided to go full time. 

Nobody can tell you when it is right for you.  When you know, you'll know.  Good luck!

Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Ellie_Arroway on July 30, 2020, 05:34:15 pm
Full time for me was as soon as I realised how much happier I felt presenting as a woman and had come out to everyone in work; one of the scariest moments of my life, and something I now consider a solid achievement.

It was within two months of me starting to experiment. Through experiment, I determined I was transgender. You can read about it in my thread that is linked in the signature if you wish.

I said to my therapist, why should I wait? Let's get on with it. And it just went from there, really. I also expected to go slower than I ended up doing. The day after coming out at work, I was fully dressed as female there.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on July 30, 2020, 06:43:17 pm
Ellie and Nadine,

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with me. My therapist, I think felt like yours Ellie. Why wait?? For me I have a lot to do before I feel like I am ready. So it’s hard. I take one day at a time.

Thanks for two very different perspectives. I appreciate your taking time to share with me!!

Hugs, Danielle
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: ramilove on August 01, 2020, 09:01:50 am
I am literally playing my transition by ear these days. I started my plan and then lock down ended my electrolysis, my yoga classes, in person group sessions and going out with the girls after group. So for the time being I am letting the hormones drive my transition timeline.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on August 01, 2020, 12:51:33 pm
Ramilove, that’s awesome what your doing. Fortunately my electrolysis and therapy have started back up recently. My summer cold this week has brought that to a stop. My support group is all on zoom right now. Are you doing anything in particular to let your hormones drive your transition. I know my hormones are growing my girls right now.. ever so annoyingly painful!  I am getting used to it. It just bothers me more at night! I love seeing my bra cup getting fuller.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Birdie on a Wire on August 03, 2020, 03:36:42 pm
Hello everyone.
New here to Susan’s Place but thought I’d offer what’s been my experience.  One thing I should probably state is my dysphoria isn’t very extreme.

So my process has been very similar to what Danielle described as far as getting things lined up so she felt confident that she blended well.  I plan on playing the long game and don’t plan on living full time until I get my ducks in a row and just completely fail as my gender assigned at birth every time I go out… slow and steady wins the race. 

I totally understand those who simply can’t wait and MUST transition as soon as possible but I’m very fortunate (and it sounds like Danielle might be as well) to have the luxury of playing the long game. 
Practicing as much as I can to blend in has allowed me to feel confident that I won’t get assaulted or murdered while I’m out just living my life.  That strategy has served me pretty well so far.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on August 03, 2020, 07:27:28 pm
Birdie on a wire,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I agree with you. I live in a city with a high murder rate and it’s scary. I have looked into buying a firearm in case I ever need it. I have many reasons for not owning one but as my transition progresses the peace of mind having one is appealing to me. I just want to blend in and live and enjoy my life like any other woman. Sounds like your in a similar journey As far as time and planning with me. I hope you share more of your journey in the future. I love our sisters that can just go for it right now in their lives. Unfortunately I just can’t at the moment and it’s ok. I am taking a more planned approach. Thanks for your sharing!  Danielle!
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Birdie on a Wire on August 03, 2020, 09:33:20 pm
Birdie on a wire,
"....I love our sisters that can just go for it right now in their lives."
I know right!
I can't help but think that some of that has to do with personality. I've always been one that was rather averse to risk and with really big things, I want to know the plan ahead of time. 

I'm quite envious of those transgirls and transguys who just thumb their nose at society and march out in to the world doin' their thing, passing or not.

"Unfortunately I just can’t at the moment and it’s ok. I am taking a more planned approach. Thanks for your sharing! Danielle!"
I totally get it and I'm right there with you. Circumstances, such that they are... well, it just isn't quite time for me either.  Need more planning.  More practicing.

But my therapist said something recently that really has me thinking. He said, "you know... it isn't really a matter of 'if' you come out as transgender.  It's 'how'. Because the changes from hormone therapy will eventually be noticeable. So the question you should ponder is how do you want your siblings, coworkers, neighbors and friends find out?"  I think I'd rather them hear it from me and on my terms instead of one person telling another, telling another.

I went back and looked at your original post.  I think your methodical, deliberate approach is sound and your reasons justifiable and valid.

You got this!
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on August 04, 2020, 04:09:09 pm
Birdie on a wire,

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement.

“But my therapist said something recently that really has me thinking. He said, "you know... it isn't really a matter of 'if' you come out as transgender.  It's 'how'. Because the changes from hormone therapy will eventually be noticeable. So the question you should ponder is how do you want your siblings, coworkers, neighbors and friends find out?"  I think I'd rather them hear it from me and on my terms instead of one person telling another, telling another.”

I have thought about this too a lot.. In my case, I have come out to a core of real friends who have all been supportive. My brother, mom and oldest daughter know. My youngest I am not sure about but will tell next summer after she graduates. I have no doubt she won’t care and may already know. My boss and two support groups know and are supportive. It’s my dad with a big mouth that’s a challenge for me. He won’t be told until after my daughter and when I am ready  for him to broadcast it to the world. I still have so much I need to do. Even my mom was helping me with a new name today. I have a first name picked out and was going to use my dead name feminine version as my middle name. Now it’s going to be something my mom picked out so I can honor her choice and yet honor mine. Plus I liked moms choice. I felt like her daughter for the first time today.. Plus the name meaning fits me so well. I have looked at tons of names and narrowed them down to three. At some point I will have to figure out how to change my name on here. My point is that there is still so much to do. Everyday I work on something to move the needle further. So far everyone has been supportive. My growing chest is noticeable no doubt. But I can play it off as man boobs. Try running with out a sports bra.  they remind me real fast they are real boobs!  Lol!

thank you so much for your encouragement. It means a lot!! Hugs, Danielle
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: SoCal_Holly on August 06, 2020, 05:44:07 am
For someone who usually has plans within plans For everything, I’m just kind of winging it with transitioning depending on I’ll know what to do when I get there. Scary but I think in a good way because sometimes having expectations and semi-rigid schedule milestones can put undue pressure and really stress me out.

I guess instead of hurtling toward the end point, I want to look at the windows and enjoy the ride or at least enjoy the experience of the ride if that makes sense.

Hugs,

Holly

PS. Wow, Nadine good for you! I can only hope I would have enough courage to see that situation through especially as if transitioning isn’t already hard enough.
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Devlyn on August 06, 2020, 06:45:09 am
Ladies,

I have been on HRT 5 months. I have a list of things I feel I need to do before I can go full time. When did you know it was time to make that plunge? I have an 11 month plan to go full time next summer after my child support ends. My therapist is really recommending me speed up my transition and get going full time faster. I feel like I need to complete at least the electrolysis on my face and at least be able to better blend. This will give me over a year of chest growth too. I want to change my name debt free too. So I can truly start a new life as me for the first time. I just feel like I need to learn makeup more and get my proverbial ducks in a row set up. Every day I am moving toward my goals on many different facets of this. Any advice is appreciated. This is my last summer in swim trunks!! No matter what!

I went full-time including a name change, then went on HRT a year later. There's a million paths through these woods, you have to find your own.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
Post by: Rebecca28 on September 06, 2020, 12:05:25 pm
Sophia,

Thanks for your advice. I have decided to not put a time frame on it. I will just keeping moving along at my own pace until I am ready. It’s not a matter of if but when. My support group here told me the courts locally are backed up due to Covid. So what was typically a month is now up to 6 months for a name change. Every day no matter what I keep moving forward toward my goal and am determined to over come any obstacles that come along my way!  I appreciate everyone sharing with me and encourage others to share this part of their journey with me. Hugs, Danielle