Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: FloralAlyssa on August 01, 2020, 11:22:35 am

Title: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on August 01, 2020, 11:22:35 am
Over the last 3 weeks, I've been coming out to my local friends and some key family members that I am femme-presenting non-binary.  I have a couple of big steps this week coming up, with my 3rd meeting with an IC clinic where I'm going to start HRT on Monday, and then on Tuesday I'm going to a salon to have my hair colored red (something I've wanted to do for 20 years).

Finally, I mailed letters to each of my parents yesterday coming out to them.  That could go really badly --- it did 30 years ago when I was a teenager telling them I felt like a girl.  They are different people now, so I'm hopeful, but it's just adding to the stress.

Once my parents know, I've done all the personal contacts I was planning on, so then I'm planning to come out on Facebook to sort of have a clean purge of my friends list of people that aren't going to be supportive.  It could be bloody on the family side, a number of whom are Trump supporters. 

So what I'm saying is that if there was a button I could push to skip to next Saturday, I'd totally push it.

Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: Northern Star Girl on August 01, 2020, 12:01:10 pm
@FloralAlyssa
As just about every other member here that is transitioning can attest, what you are describing is one of the more difficult moments in any of our journeys.

Once the "secret" is revealed it is like a big heavy weight is lifted off of your shoulders and your mind will finally be at ease.   Obviously none of can predict how loved ones, friends, and co-workers will react to the news but by making the first move and making the announcement yourself you have short-circuited the gossip... you have taken control!!!   Based on my own personal experience with coming out it was the right thing to do, at least it was for me and my situation.

I am wishing you well as you continue on....
I will be looking for your updates as you feel comfortable sharing them.

HUGS,
Danielle
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: Susannah on August 01, 2020, 01:06:28 pm
Congratulations in having courage to come out.  It takes incredible courage to do so.  Good luck to you.  I am happy that you were able to do so.

I am not out yet.  Not sure if I will ever come out.  Like you said, I am nervous that someone will find out. This will be a difficult battle for me.
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on August 01, 2020, 01:27:21 pm
My wife has known for over a decade, but when I decided to go public, I just picked a couple of people that I knew would be supportive, and use that confidence to keep going until I'm at this point.   I wish you luck with whatever path you choose.
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on August 04, 2020, 07:50:05 pm
Mom called yesterday and said she loves me and she just wants me to be happy   ;D (but to make sure I don't embarrass my kids)  ::)


Dad apparently has chosen the ignore it route --- haven't heard from him at all.  :(

Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: Nadine Spirit on August 05, 2020, 07:02:13 am
Good luck! You got this!
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on August 08, 2020, 07:38:37 pm
So I posted on facebook earlier today.  I expected mostly support, but to have some people (I have a number of Trump supporting and/or highly religious family members) flame/shame me.

Instead, out of the 269 people I had as friends, I've had over 70 of them leave positive and supportive comments, 0 negative comments, and I still have 269 facebook friends.  I'm almost in tears from the relief than this isn't going to tear apart my social circles (if we ever get to have social circles again).

Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: ChrissyRyan on August 08, 2020, 08:14:02 pm
Mom called yesterday and said she loves me and she just wants me to be happy   ;D (but to make sure I don't embarrass my kids)  ::)


Dad apparently has chosen the ignore it route --- haven't heard from him at all.  :(

Good news about your mom, give your dad some time.  :)

Chrissy
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: Susannah on August 08, 2020, 09:40:38 pm
So I posted on facebook earlier today.  I expected mostly support, but to have some people (I have a number of Trump supporting and/or highly religious family members) flame/shame me.

Instead, out of the 269 people I had as friends, I've had over 70 of them leave positive and supportive comments, 0 negative comments, and I still have 269 facebook friends.  I'm almost in tears from the relief than this isn't going to tear apart my social circles (if we ever get to have social circles again).

Seems like you have supports from many.  Very good news.  Good luck.
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on August 16, 2020, 12:52:00 pm
Dad finally called back and said that all that matters is I'm happy and he'll love me no matter what.  I'm almost in tears with relief.  This is a person that 30 years ago scared me back into the closet with lots of screaming about it --- so happy I was right that he's changed.   

Now, it's just about turning my vision of my life into reality.  Everyone knows, and nearly everyone that matters has been neutral or very supportive. 

Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: ChrissyRyan on August 16, 2020, 12:55:33 pm
Dad finally called back and said that all that matters is I'm happy and he'll love me no matter what.  I'm almost in tears with relief.  This is a person that 30 years ago scared me back into the closet with lots of screaming about it --- so happy I was right that he's changed.   

Now, it's just about turning my vision of my life into reality.  Everyone knows, and nearly everyone that matters has been neutral or very supportive.

Hi!

It is comforting to receive support from those who are very important in your life.  This is wonderful news.

I hope your transition goes well and that the support you need will always be there, because at all times it is really good to have someone who cares about you and your well being, with an understanding of your being transgender.

Chrissy
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: Maid Marion on August 16, 2020, 08:12:32 pm
Hi Alyssa,

That is great news about your Dad!

Marion
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: Sophiaprincess2019 on August 17, 2020, 02:28:37 pm
FloralAlyssa, welcome to SP and I hope you have found yourself at home here. I consider Susan's Place the leading transgender resource for current gender issues and information. I'm glad you're here.

I understand the relief you feel. I too was once in the same place in 2018//2019. Couple things to keep in mind, sometimes people's initial reactions change and there are people who will still walk out of your life so be prepared for that. Find out who's in your support network and develop close bonds with those people. Many times during the 1st year of my transition I leaned on several of my close friends for support when life just about got the best of me.

There's going to be good and bad days just keep moving forward. No shame in slowing things down either,, I had to apply the brakes a couple times myself when my world changed too rapidly.

Hope your journey is a smooth sail along a perfect coastline.

All the best,

Sophia
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on August 30, 2020, 09:12:12 pm
A friend used "her" on twitter when referring to me today, and I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming emotions of seeing that in "print".  A very odd mix of contentment and terror that I'm actually going through with this.
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: Rakel on August 31, 2020, 07:30:15 am
FloralAlyssa,

Being correctly gendered is one of the most satisfying events for anyone who is in transition.

It just gets better each time it happens.

Take care.  :-*
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on September 12, 2020, 03:26:15 pm
I emailed a note to the team I'm on at work -- 21 people (11 men, 10 women) about my transition to presenting as a woman.  I'm mildly optimistic about the response (6 of the 10 women responded with support, but 0 responses from men), but I'm not really going to know until I'm actually back in the office, which is at least a couple of months away.  (My kids are remote school until mid-November at a minimum and I'm not going to leave my wife to try to manage that without me available if both of them are having issues at the same time or something.)
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on October 07, 2020, 04:18:32 pm
Well, tomorrow's the day the email goes out to the full company (my part in bold, rest is from HR):

Quote

<Company name> is committed to promoting and supporting diversity in our workforce.  We also strive to create an inclusive work environment where every associate is valued and respected as their true, authentic selves.  In this spirit, we are happy to pass on a very personal announcement from one of our associates,  <male name>.

I hope everyone is in good health and doing well. 

Over the course of the time that we've been working at home, I have publicly come out as transgender/non-binary, and have changed my gender presentation to female.  While this might be a surprise to many of you, it's been a part of my life for nearly thirty years and it has been a relieft to be able to make this public over the last few months. 

As part of my transition, I will be changing my name to Alyssa <current first name> <last name>, and will be using Alyssa and she/her pronouns in the office.  I completely understand that I've worked with many of you for well over a decade, and I understand the occassional <male name> or masculine pronoun will slip through.

I am working forward to continuing to work with all of you.  Please feel free to contact me or Human Resources if you have any questions or concerns.


In my role as HR manager, and as a member of the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion team at <company>, I have been honored to work with Alyssa on her transition back to the office.  Please join us in supporting Alyssa, and thank you for continuing to support our inclusive <company> culture.


9:30 am tomorrow. 
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: Megan. on October 07, 2020, 04:33:16 pm
Good luck, it’s an exciting time.

It took a few weeks for a small number of my colleagues to relax about me, but it's been great ever since. X

Sent from my MI 9 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: AllieSF on October 07, 2020, 07:15:54 pm
Yes, good luck and a big congratulations for taking this very big step.

Allie
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: CaelaNotKayla on October 07, 2020, 09:56:35 pm
Alyssa-

Congratulations and good luck tommorrow!  Keep us posted with how it goes.

Hugs!

Caela
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on October 08, 2020, 09:21:07 am
It happened!  It just went out!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  :-)
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: barbie on October 08, 2020, 02:41:08 pm
It would be nice to work at such a supportive and caring company. Hopefully, you will be transitioned smoothly.

In my case, I have transitioned without any announcement, albeit no HRT.

barbie~~
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on October 08, 2020, 03:52:12 pm
It went reasonably well.  Got about 25 replies, mostly from people I work with regularly.  There were a few regulars that didn't reply, but they could be out, or just didn't read the email yet.

So all in all, I'm really happy with it.  Plus I wore by favorite dress today for confidence (only in the basement office, but still it helped!)
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: Megan. on October 08, 2020, 04:39:16 pm
It went reasonably well.  Got about 25 replies, mostly from people I work with regularly.  There were a few regulars that didn't reply, but they could be out, or just didn't read the email yet.

So all in all, I'm really happy with it.  Plus I wore by favorite dress today for confidence (only in the basement office, but still it helped!)
I'm really happy for you. Onward to a normal happy life! X

Sent from my MI 9 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: Rachel Montgomery on October 08, 2020, 06:22:32 pm
Is there any feedback on the Trump supporting friends and family?  I ask because my WHOLE family is Trump supporting born again, non-LGBT allied, and I don't think they would take the news well at all.  My mother says some pretty strong condemning things about TG people.  Dad says he couldn't stand to be in the room with one (which he was when he said it, so...I guess if he KNEW he couldn't be in the room? 

In fact, I think I would rather move to another state, not tell them I was transitioning and just not visit.  (Only half joking)  Call, text, or email and send no photos.  Of course, that brings up certain problems with funerals.
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: FloralAlyssa on October 08, 2020, 06:32:10 pm
They haven't harassed me or been nasty on social media, but they were also conspicuously absent in expressing support on the facebook post. I live 6 hours from most of my family, so it's impossible to know what's going on behind my back down there.  I probably won't be shunned from family events, but I also don't really expect many to be friendly to me if I show up to a wedding reception in a dress.
Title: Re: Really nervous
Post by: CaelaNotKayla on October 08, 2020, 11:27:18 pm
@FloralAlyssa

Alyssa-

That sounds like a great response from your coworkers- that 25 of them would reach out afterwards!  It must be a huge relief to you!

Hugs!

Caela