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Thank You for nice welcome and for transfer this topic. I welcome All, too.
Hi friends,
i've spent a long time lurking on this site in incognito tabs and finally decided to join. i'm still new to this forum so please excuse me if i've posted in the wrong place or something like that. also apologies in advance for this incredibly long post. 

some context...
i've known i was male since i was 13, i'm 21 now. i would have liked to come out a long time ago however my family is extremely religious (mormons) and i spent most of my life verbally, emotionally, and physically abused. my mother is south american so there is also the added element of "traditional values" to her religious beliefs, whereas my white-australian dad is a little more accepting of things like mental illness and gay and lesbian people. i was sent to conversion therapy when they confronted me about their suspicions that i was gay. fortunately the bishop conducting the sessions was replaced a few months after i started and the sessions weren't picked up again by the new bishop so i got off the hook pretty easily, however it still left some lasting damage.
i spent a long time convincing myself i was female to make it easier but it got to a point where i was suicidal and couldn't deny myself anymore, which i know is the same for most others. i suffer from depression, intense dysphoria, and social anxiety as a result of my upbringing which makes it harder for me to come out.

 i've spent the last 6 or so years living a "double life".. out to most friends and "passing" socially except in legal, work, and study situations. i have a nonbinary partner of 2 years (however we have been best friends for 5) whose parents accept and support me. i'm currently living in a share-house with this partner and other trans people which has improved my mental health tremendously. the separation from my family has also improved our relationship. i've been seeing a therapist for the past year who is compassionate towards and knowledgeable about trans subjects, however he is not a "specialist" of any sort and mostly wants to focus on my depression/anxiety as issues of their own and after a few months of me telling him that they are symptoms of a larger issue (the incongruence between who i am and how others perceive me!) he has only now just agreed with my point of view.

at the moment my plan is to begin HRT and change my legal documents after i finish my degree at the end of october this year. i guess i'm not in a huge rush to come out to my family until the effects of HRT become too noticeable, at which point i won't be able to hide it anymore. i already know the outcome will be less than kind so i've decided to tell them via a letter, to give them time to absorb and respond, and so that they will be forced to listen to me instead of talk over or interrupt me.
but as for the contents in it... i have no idea where to even start!
i haven't shared anything personal with my family for years because each time i've tried to open up to them in the past i've been made fun of, dismissed, hit, etc. so for almost a decade now they have had no idea who i really am, what i'm interested in, even my friendships and relationships have all been kept secret out of fear.

i've taken steps to ensure my safety. i've moved houses and not given them my updated address, separated my bank account, and will be opening a PO box to send my letter correspondence with them. even though i don't have a real relationship with them and have gotten to a point where i have accepted that i will most likely face estrangement upon coming out, the thought is still terrifying and the effects of 19 years of abuse still linger. it is also heart breaking because finally we have something of a relationship now, even if it's built on a false identity, and to destroy that after such a small time of finally having a family relationship is sad to me. i know i have my partner's family who has been an invaluable support to me for 5 years but it doesn't feel quite the same.

i'm sure you all must see this question a lot but.... how did you guys do it? any advice is appreciated, and thank you so much for all the resources provided already on this website.

thank you in advance <3
- miles
Real-Life Experience / Re: On being Liz
« Last post by Jayne01 on Today at 01:46:11 am »
Liz, love the new profile pic. You look fantastic! Your fitness plan is working very well for you.

Non-binary talk / Re: Books about Nonbinary Experience?
« Last post by DPS on Today at 01:06:31 am »
I'll look into it. Thanks!
Hormone replacement therapy / Re: Testerone too low
« Last post by Jill E on Today at 12:55:28 am »
The finasteride might still work. It doesn’t act as a regrowth medicine or anything like that - it prevents your body from converting testosterone to DHT, which is thought to be a contributing factor for male pattern baldness. So, if you’re body is producing any T at all, even minimal amounts, it might be worth taking, just as a preventative.

It looks like you’re already getting your finasteride this way, but for anyone who isn’t aware. If you’re getting Finasteride as Proscar rather than Propecia, it’s most likely only going to be costing you a couple bucks a month, rather than like 100. At least, that’s the case in the US.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Books / Re: Susans Writers and Book Readers
« Last post by Alaskan Danielle on Today at 12:47:58 am »
I do read some webcomics, but it depends on what it's about.
I basically just read fanfiction about any fandom that I'm into at the time. Like South Park, Undertale, Tangled: The Series, Epic Mickey, Pokemon, TMNT, and much MUCH more...
I live in waaaaaaaaaaay too many fandoms. 😅


Thank you for sharing and posting here.

My reading interests are divided among many very diverse subjects....
Lately the books I am reading are ....
Romance Novels
...  and
non-fiction History.

Wow, those are certainly diverse subjects for sure.

Again,  thanks for posting.
Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) / Re: Coming out.
« Last post by DawnOday on Today at 12:45:36 am »
I understand and sympathize. When I finally came out I had a 33 year marriage to worry about. Luckily my wife has been very good at supporting my decision. She knew before we got married but never brought it up again after I told her. I crossdressed about everyday out of sight. My kids have been great too. There are significant other groups at many support groups. You might ask her to come along. I finally realized crossdressing while it helped did not make me so I was not depressed or dysphoric.
Hormone replacement therapy / Re: Becca's HRT Journey
« Last post by Alaskan Danielle on Today at 12:38:47 am »
Since starting HRT i've had a very low sex drive.  For the first six months i would describe it as non existent.  Over the last 4 months or so a bit of my sex drive has come back.  It's quite a bit different.  It feels different physically and mentally.  And I like it.

What I don't like is painful erections.  I only get real erections now when I decide to have one.  Which isn't all that often, but when I do its really painful. 

I've poked around on the forums and online and read that this is probably caused by atrophy from lack of use.  And I can't believe this is something that happens.  It makes me angry.  I don't want to live the rest of my life with this thing, but I do want to use it occasionally and being in pain kind of makes sex not fun.

@Becca Kay
Dear Becca Kay
Hmm, I find what you stated about painful erections interesting. 

In my own personal experience I found it just about impossible to have an erection after just 5 or 6 months of HRT... and if I did get an erection is was a "soft" erection, NOT PAINFUL, very little climax and ejaculation... just a dab of clear fluid. As I approached the 1 year mark of HRT, no erections whatsoever, erections were nothing but a distant memory, which was just fine with me, I did not desire to initiate sex as a male once I started to transition. 

I would strongly suggest to you that you discuss this all with your doctor, I can't imagine why your erections would be painful... and in my case, I never did have any erections after ONE YEAR of HRT.   Obviously there was no pain because there was nothing happening down there.

Sorry you are having this problem.
Again, I think that you should talk to your doctor.

Thanks for your update on your HRT thread.
Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) / Re: Coming out.
« Last post by Jill E on Today at 12:38:02 am »
Hey everyone! New to this forum. I'm 28 years old. I've been a male my whole life. But over the past few years I've been hit with depression really hard and it's only getting worse. But lately I've been thinking this has something to do with it. I wanna be a girl. Since I was really young I've wanted to be a girl but the way my parents are/have been, it's kind of prevented me from even thinking this way. Thinking that this isnt an option. I'm also married with a daughter on the way. My wife doesnt know. I want to tell her but if worse comes to worse, I cant lose her. And what's said cant be unsaid. I'm scared. I really am. For coming out, for this whole thing. Idk what to do. I'm not into men. I'm still straight, I just wanna be a girl. Picture below is me. :)

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

Hi, welcome!

A lot of people here have similar stories. Many of us came from marriages (some of us are still married). My wife and I separated after a few years, but since the time of coming out she eventually became by far my biggest advocate and support.

I later met my partner and her son (2 years ago). He was 4 at the time. Kids are much better than adults, when it comes to taking things at face value. I was misgendered because of my voice a few times by our son, but he only took correcting those few times and even calls me Mom now.

I skimmed the other responses and didn’t think I saw anyone else mention this, but ones’ gender identity and sexual orientation are entirely separate. Some trans people are gay, some are straight, some bi, pan, etc. (: I think it’s a strange concept for some people. I occasionally get questions about why I don’t like men, being a trans woman.

Anyways, hope this helps. It might be really hard and stressful at times, especially early on, but it eventually gets easier and better. (:

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hormone replacement therapy / Re: Becca's HRT Journey
« Last post by Becca Kay on Today at 12:37:11 am »
One of the things my pain management clinic is insistent upon is Panadol with narcotics to help boost effectiveness...up to 40%. I always combine when taking breakthrough meds. Most Drs seem to be open to requests for better pain management, if you explain your experience of Tramadol to him maybe he will be open to using something more effective.

Take care


Thanks, i've discussed this Dr Z and we're going to plan for a different course of meds for post op pai management.  I'm actualiy shocked that tramadol is his standard drug for pain management after and 8 hour very aggressive surgery.  In contrast I have a friend who had to have some reconstructive surgery on his jaw.  It was far less than what I am getting done.  He had pain meds administered via IV for the first 24 hrs. 
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