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1
Member Blogs / Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Last post by Pammie on Today at 05:45:56 pm »
The sciatica is finally calming down a bit but still spikes.  As long as it keeps easing up I'll be happy.

I did a re-write of this and I thought I would re-post it here.  I hope it's useful.

Hugs,

Emma

                                      The Transgender Shoes on the Wrong Feet

I have been trying to explain how it is possible to shockingly discover that I am transgender this late in my life and to have had absolutely no clue that I was. The single question that I have asked myself repeatedly and one of the first questions I am always asked by those I tell is:

                                                 “How could you possibly not know?”

The question always seems to presume that I am lying or at the very least, a total idiot. How can you possibly ignore something as significant in your life as that and not know it?

But that is exactly what happened. I am not lying and I hope I don’t come across as an idiot. I truly thought that I was the man my wife married.

I will claim that I shared a common ignorance with the society that I grew up in. It was incapable of understanding my problem, identifying the issues or effectively diagnosing my symptoms, while it ostracized, in its ignorance, those that suffered from a similar pain. My parents, my friends and my family shared in society’s ignorance and, unfortunately, some continue to share the same outdated thoughts even now.

Shoes on the wrong feet:

I will use shoes as a simple example.

We have all worn painful shoes at some time in our lives. It makes life unbearable. Suppose for a moment from the day you are born, your parents reversed the shoes on your feet. They put the left on the right and the right on the left.
As a baby you had no clue but as you got older you whined and complained. The shoes really hurt. At various times you parents tried to sooth you or scold you. They bought new shoes, which they again put on the wrong feet. Your parents then took you to the doctors and foot specialists to find out why you had problems with your feet. They told your parent that your feet were just fine.

They couldn’t understand what was bothering you, so you talked to your friends. “No”, they said, their feet felt just fine. You became convinced that the pain was normal. Nobody else was complaining, so it must be you.

You suddenly stopped complaining. Your parents were very happy.  They thought you grew out of your childish issues but you just got used to the pain.   As time went by, your tolerance for the pain got stronger. It didn’t go away; you were able to just ignore it. Eventually the pain became a minor thing in your life.

You never admitted to others that when you took your shoes off, that the pain finally disappeared. They couldn’t or wouldn’t understand. You always kept your sense of relief very, very private.

Time passed. Wife, kids, house, professional success then one day the pain caused by the shoes became excruciating. You couldn’t understand why. As hard as you tried you could no longer ignore it, so you finally sought out a professional who specialized in foot pain.

She simply took off the shoes and reversed them.

The pain stopped for the first time in your life.

The shoes were simply on the wrong feet. It finally made perfect sense.

Ok, so if you are cisgender here is an experiment. Take your shoes off and reverse them. Walk around for a while if you can. Feel the discomfort. Feel the oddness. Feel the pain. Realize that you are experiencing for a very short time what is a lifetime painful experience for someone with late life gender dysphoria.

It took a lifetime to discover that I had been living my life with my gender on backwards.

Even now people are still convinced I should put my shoes on backwards…but that will only make them feel better, not me.


Emma, as another woman who discovered herself later in life I completely understand how it can happen. Even among the significant minority of trans people who transition late in life there are a myriad of reasons why. We are still trans people even when we did not always realise who we were. Sending huge hugs xxx


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2
Fashion / Re: Do you like to wear hats or caps? If so, what kind?
« Last post by JennyTG on Today at 05:44:35 pm »
Ohhh I really don’t like to wear things like hats or caps, because it mess-up my hair.

I know how this can be, sometimes it's a must though!

- Jenny
3
Fashion / Re: earrings?
« Last post by JennyTG on Today at 05:39:09 pm »
Thanks Jenny-  Losing my dad was hard, but not the hardest thing to deal with this year- and the balance for me is that my Mom has been quite supportive, and I've been fully dressed around her.

Hugs!

Caela

That's great news about your mum Caela, I always have to compromise somewhere along the line it seems.  Back to the earrings, I just have to be careful to not leave them out too long.  I do love my collection though, I think I just about have every variety out there! :)

- Jenny
4
Member Blogs / Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Last post by Emma1017 on Today at 05:35:05 pm »
The sciatica is finally calming down a bit but still spikes.  As long as it keeps easing up I'll be happy.

I did a re-write of this and I thought I would re-post it here.  I hope it's useful.

Hugs,

Emma

                                      The Transgender Shoes on the Wrong Feet

I have been trying to explain how it is possible to shockingly discover that I am transgender this late in my life and to have had absolutely no clue that I was. The single question that I have asked myself repeatedly and one of the first questions I am always asked by those I tell is:

                                                 “How could you possibly not know?”

The question always seems to presume that I am lying or at the very least, a total idiot. How can you possibly ignore something as significant in your life as that and not know it?

But that is exactly what happened. I am not lying and I hope I don’t come across as an idiot. I truly thought that I was the man my wife married.

I will claim that I shared a common ignorance with the society that I grew up in. It was incapable of understanding my problem, identifying the issues or effectively diagnosing my symptoms, while it ostracized, in its ignorance, those that suffered from a similar pain. My parents, my friends and my family shared in society’s ignorance and, unfortunately, some continue to share the same outdated thoughts even now.

Shoes on the wrong feet:

I will use shoes as a simple example.

We have all worn painful shoes at some time in our lives. It makes life unbearable. Suppose for a moment from the day you are born, your parents reversed the shoes on your feet. They put the left on the right and the right on the left.
As a baby you had no clue but as you got older you whined and complained. The shoes really hurt. At various times you parents tried to sooth you or scold you. They bought new shoes, which they again put on the wrong feet. Your parents then took you to the doctors and foot specialists to find out why you had problems with your feet. They told your parent that your feet were just fine.

They couldn’t understand what was bothering you, so you talked to your friends. “No”, they said, their feet felt just fine. You became convinced that the pain was normal. Nobody else was complaining, so it must be you.

You suddenly stopped complaining. Your parents were very happy.  They thought you grew out of your childish issues but you just got used to the pain.   As time went by, your tolerance for the pain got stronger. It didn’t go away; you were able to just ignore it. Eventually the pain became a minor thing in your life.

You never admitted to others that when you took your shoes off, that the pain finally disappeared. They couldn’t or wouldn’t understand. You always kept your sense of relief very, very private.

Time passed. Wife, kids, house, professional success then one day the pain caused by the shoes became excruciating. You couldn’t understand why. As hard as you tried you could no longer ignore it, so you finally sought out a professional who specialized in foot pain.

She simply took off the shoes and reversed them.

The pain stopped for the first time in your life.

The shoes were simply on the wrong feet. It finally made perfect sense.

Ok, so if you are cisgender here is an experiment. Take your shoes off and reverse them. Walk around for a while if you can. Feel the discomfort. Feel the oddness. Feel the pain. Realize that you are experiencing for a very short time what is a lifetime painful experience for someone with late life gender dysphoria.

It took a lifetime to discover that I had been living my life with my gender on backwards.

Even now people are still convinced I should put my shoes on backwards…but that will only make them feel better, not me.


5
Fun and Games / Re: Single Word Association Game 19.0
« Last post by Pammie on Today at 05:30:07 pm »
spotless
Pristine


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6
Member Blogs / Re: Davina's Diary series 2 , the final stage.
« Last post by Emma1017 on Today at 05:26:36 pm »
Really good news for you Davina!  Stay well and safe!
7
Gender Correction Surgery / Re: GRS - The After-Party
« Last post by Megan. on Today at 05:18:43 pm »
As I have been from the start, daily images of the surgical site are available on a private Twitter feed. If you'd like access to understand how my recovery is visually, just PM me :-). X

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8
Fun and Games / Re: Single Word Association Game 19.0
« Last post by CaelaNotKayla on Today at 05:14:49 pm »
Clean


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spotless
9
Fashion / Re: earrings?
« Last post by CaelaNotKayla on Today at 05:14:07 pm »
Oh girls, that's awful and sad about your fathers and the situation there.  I've never had any trouble with my ear piercings with my Dad, even bright pink sparkly studs!  I guess he's kinda accepting as nothing really gets mentioned.  My fingernails and toenails are both painted a shiny pink and still no comments.  I love him so and offer a lot of caregiving for him.  I won't dress trans around him though.

- Jenny
Thanks Jenny-  Losing my dad was hard, but not the hardest thing to deal with this year- and the balance for me is that my Mom has been quite supportive, and I've been fully dressed around her.

Hugs!

Caela
10
Introductions / Re: Introduction
« Last post by putaringonit on Today at 05:13:02 pm »
Hey, Bash! Welcome to this amazing forum!
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