Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Non-binary talk => Topic started by: Drexy/Drex on September 26, 2016, 09:24:08 pm

Title: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 26, 2016, 09:24:08 pm
I read a post by carlyMcx
On how after starting hrt several weeks in she when looking at photos of her old self
She would cry at losing him
That really hit home with myself making me wonder will I feel the same ? For the first time after reading that  I looked at pictures of myself and in the mirror viewing who I saw as someone else rather than me in other words another person ...and I felt kind of guilty as if I was going to euthanize this guy , thing is I have never been able to see my self as I am,
 other men call me big fella , big guy, big mark etc and joke about not pissing me off cause of my size,but i cant see that  it must besimiler to that anorexic type syndrome I guess and prob I have low self esteem, but this particular time I saw myself as another person judged and appraised him as I would a stranger , it was a very strange sensation ,the other thing is I'm not worried about transitioning and what others will think well i am ...but more that I will be disappointing them that's the emotion I will get I think from them apart from shock...you see I work away from home from 2 to 4 weeks at a time in remote construction camps the work force is 95 % male and across between pirates and bikers I dont know how fast the hrt will reveal itself but I kind of know my body and I have the feeling it will just lap up hrt
Im not sure im being coherent  but im wondering how  im going to go transitioning from am alpha male ( claytons alphamale  the alphamale you have when your not having an alphamale )
In front of these hard core men ...and god knows what sort of nickname I will get it all depends how long this contract lasts it might be 1 month past xmas or another 2 years which means I'd have no escape.
then again low dose would not show up and give me time  to get rid of facial and body hair...I'd explain my loss of strength and size siting I, m  concentrating on cardio etc or some smoke screen ....anyway after the body hair is dealt with ffs will be next along with ramping up the hrt or vice versa. ....I really want to get moving ...the clock is ticking
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Steph Eigen on September 27, 2016, 10:39:57 am
Consider that your role as imposed by societal norms will unavoidably change.

I can entirely relate to your situation.  I'm not a physically bulky and imposing as clearly you are based on your avatar  but am 6' 2" with size 14 feet, big chest and shoulders.  I am unquestionably an alpha in my workplace but not based on physical parameters but on leadership and intellectual ones as university faculty and director of several programs and services; leader of a research group.   

If I were to transition, the issue I am struggling with right now, I guess it would be socially disruptive for me but doubt being a woman or specifically a transgender woman would inherently undermine the "alpha" position I hold in the workplace or in my field.  I guess most of my concerns are rooted in the visual I have of myself becoming a self involved narcissistic pubescent girl starting hormones at age 60 looking initially like a "dude in a dress."  That, the act of transitioning to a new feminine identity, is what I fear would undermine my credibility not the fact of being a woman.  I could pull it off fairly painlessly if I could transition on a desert island somewhere or go "underground" in a walled of complex out of view of the world with advisors and handlers (think: Bruce Jenner) and return a functional fully transitioned and socialized woman.  Obviously, not an available option to the vast majority of us; certainly not available to me.

Even if I could avoid the difficulties of the transition phase, I am convinced I would have the appearance of  an credible older woman regardless of fully exploiting surgical options, having ongoing difficulties passing, even as an "Old Amazon" simply on the basis of my size and body habitus. 

If you need to have physical stature and a physically imposing appearance to secure your role, you may need to give careful consideration to how transition will affect your ability to continue in your current role in the workplace.  On the other hand, the law protects you to a great extent in this regard.

There is a high rate of unemployment and underemployment in transgender people.  One of the worst outcomes is to become physically congruent with your actual gender but end up financially ravaged in the process and out of work.  Plan carefully.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 27, 2016, 07:48:04 pm
Hi Steph, yes I'm 6" but originally was slim
All the muscle bulk I have was attained over a period of ten years , I'm not sure but I think it will gradually disappear with hrt
Its not necessary for me to maintain my present image in my work as I'm a skilled mobile plant operator so I dont have to be to physical as for me being an alpha it is predominantly a label  bestowed upon me by others , not physical and intellectual as yourself I dont think height will be a problem I've seen plenty of tall woman ..only downside is no stilettos :( yes I too will fit the amazon category in fact that is the template I will be pursuing.... an athletic  alternative female probably with a considerable amount of tattoos tomboy ,however hair the lack of is the bane of my universe at this time , I agree that  being able to transition in private would be he ultimate but like you said it's not avaliable to every one though it would be the way to go
I think ffs will really change the game for me , and I think as female I actually will be more assertive than I am now ...because I will no longer have any thing to hide , coming out is my greatest fear but once that is done I will free of fear, I think for yourself you will have no problems because as you said your status is based on intellect which make a Big difference I do understand your  concerns about it being socially disruptive ...it will be the same for myself these places I work there is no respite its like abig family and whatever project you go to you will always meet people you know but I must admit I will have some vicarious fun turning up to work after ffs and hrt
I myself wont be dressing up until I have feminised considerably at work we all where the same uniforms so thats not a problem  I have no doubts I will get some ribald and friendly ribbing as rough as these people are they are also pretty down to earth so it will be baptism of fire initially which I will just have to tough out bit then after that it will  business as usual
Thanks for your input
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Steph Eigen on September 27, 2016, 08:23:22 pm
Sounds like a plan.

You'll have nothing to fear for quite some time with that physique especially when combined with some intellectual horsepower!

Best,

Steph
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 27, 2016, 08:55:51 pm
Thank you Steph :)
May your transition be smooth and pleasurable
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: CarlyMcx on September 29, 2016, 04:29:39 pm
Hi Steph.

I am a trial lawyer.  You can't get much more "alpha" than that.  So far I've been wearing slimmer cut men's suits, brighter shirts and ties, and using a fedora to hide my rapidly growing hair.  Even so, some folks seem to be noticing a little the changes in my face.  Sooner or later, there will have to be an announcement to and through the court system, and I am going to have to take that first walk into the courthouse dressed female.  But since my insurer requires that I be on HRT for six months before starting facial hair removal (that they will pay for, which is why I am waiting), and there is no way I am going to present female in court with any beard shadow on me, that event is still in the future.

I would not have wanted to do things Caitlyn Jenner style, and believe me I have thought about it.  Take three or four months off, start HRT, beard clearance, then go get FFS and body contouring, and then return to work as a girl.  My problem with that is, if I walk into a courtroom not looking like the face on my driver's license and the name on my bar card, the clerk will ask the bailiff to escort me out.

So I will have to do most of this hiding in plain sight, then around the time of FFS, start the legal work on the ID changes, and when the paper comes back, make the big announcement.  That way I don't have a court clerk saying, "Where is Mr. M___ and who are you?"

But there is no way for me to hide.  There are more than a thousand people in the court system that know my name and my face.  So I have to do this in front of everybody.

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Steph Eigen on September 29, 2016, 05:10:15 pm
So Carly, how do you expect the transition for play out for you?  Sounds like a tough scenario you're facing.

Steph
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 29, 2016, 06:18:33 pm
Yes it does I guess on the upside I would assume most of those people would reasonably educated still thats a lot of people !! However it will still take a lot of courage !
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JoanneB on September 29, 2016, 07:06:44 pm
While I cannot say "Alpha" male in guy mode there is no mistaking 'Male' at 6ft tall and balding since I was like 14, know all sorts of gear head and other guy stuff aside from most things sports except NYY baseball. I have a LOT of fear about if/when a full-time social transition comes jaws will drop as well as others perception of me.

Thanks(?) to the GD I always worked long and hard to deservedly earn the respect of all my co-workers, up and down the food chain. Especially those on the production floor doing the day in day out grunt work. Impressing 'Management' types is far easier, just make them money.

If/When the day comes that I need to do a full transition, I have to have faith that a large part of the respect I earned because of my abilities will not be eradicated just because I suddenly have hair. The problems I solve, my ability to make stuff work will not change, as long as I am allowed to do what I do best.... my job
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 29, 2016, 07:41:32 pm
JoanneB yes one would think so ...I've generally found individuals to be okay one on one its usually groups that are the problem ...gossip etc but from the sounds of it you've created a lot of good will
I don't expect to much trouble either though there is always one homophobe or transphobe however the work place laws are pretty tough here any harassment is grounds for instant dismissal
I like your sig : ) I'm at work atm
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 04, 2016, 02:42:54 am
Hetro,s to the left of me, gay/bi  to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with me
In the  middle of  nowhere  i have a dude half my age coming onto me .....not my cup of tea
And  a lovely woman close to my age .... er what do is say ....ummm this is not gonna work honey
Why?
Ahh um  do you like girls ? ......
Its either a feast ot a famine  meh !!!!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: SadieBlake on October 04, 2016, 03:13:40 pm
Nice post, thanks for putting your thoughts out there

I've been as alpha as you describe, for me it was generally a role I adopted and I certainly used and certainly used as an element of male privilege. I learned by my mid twenties how to adopt enough of an imposing stance not so much to intimidate as to gain the confidence of self styled alpha males that I was a member of the group. It was an absolute act of passing as male.

I've now been on hrt for 9 months and compared to you I came out at the same time I started hrt with specific intent of making that the start of official RLE. I'd already begun growing my hair out in anticipation and wearing bras daily without taking special caution about getting clocked. I don't anticipate passing anytime soon however within the constraints of a substantially muscular 5'11" balding person I do what I can to soften my features and mannerisms.

Even though my testosterone has been nearly nil since January and estrogen in normal female range I've not lost any material physical strength. Where people are clocking me however are the changes in skin texture. My breasts are also now noticeable and some fat has redistributed to my hips/thighs. I can only tell that because my rock climbing harnesses are now more snug than before.

I have been moving away from masculine identified behaviors for the most part years ago so there's less visible change there.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 05, 2016, 01:20:12 am
Hi SadieBlake, thanks its cathartic to put them and if someone's passing by to get their story trials and tribulations and successes.
From what ive gathered so far hrt seems to be pretty quick ...must be a pleasant surprise with the weight distribution .
I take it the RLE is in preparation for srs ?
Good luck with the hair ...I also have started growing mine ....but now I can see why I started shaving my head ...I'll have to take the plunge and get transplantation if possible and a scalp advancement ....I was prepared to go bald and just use some tattoos and head wraps etc ....but looking at my head side on ...well plainly I need hair
I'm happy to hear that strenght loss is  not to much ....I love lifting heavy but to look female ill have to drop 40 odd pounds good thing though is the body shape will fit well as I was slim  before lifting  but ive seen female  body  builders that put me to shame ....so if one thinks outside the box most things will be possible
I'm impressed with your strategy waiting  no time  no fear ! But then rock climbing is not for the faint of heart not sure  how I will handle the coming out side of things  but I've already got a decent set of pecs  so if hrt goes as fast for me  I think I will coming out whether im ready or  not
First appointment with hrt doc tomorrow ..I have to admit over the last few days I've had significant doubts ...just fear I guess but I was referred to her by the local lbgti service so she should be used to 220 pound gorillas walking through the door .....
Me myself I will have to observe my mannerisms ...and tone them down I think though I'll probably be see  as just another butch female
Which I wluld be more than happy to accept....






Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: SadieBlake on October 05, 2016, 06:24:27 am
A tip on strength training (I got this from s book by Alpine mountaineer Mark Tight)

Keep your strength work to sets of 2-4 reps to failure. If you want to maintain strength with minimal bulk this is the way to do it. Obviously lifting that heavy requires perfect form to avoid injury. Even more important, give adequate recovery time between strength training sessions, if you lift while still sore you build bulk more than strength. One way to do this is alternate days between upper, lower and core workouts.

There are some great sites on passing, e.g. http://superliminal.com/melinda/passingglances.htm
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 05, 2016, 06:39:47 am
Awsome : )  thats gold !
thanks so much : )
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 05, 2016, 09:42:21 pm
So here I am in the waiting room....I'm so fkg nervous could only just get my name out the receptionist....it feels surreal. ...
My bloody hands are shaking ...hope I dont go in there ....and  clam up
Its actually really real to me now butterfly's like the whole seasoms worth in my stomach I haven't researched anything on conversations. ..going in cold cocked ...hmm so much for the macho bs lol
Oh well
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Dena on October 05, 2016, 09:56:48 pm
Don't worry, we are all with you.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 05, 2016, 09:59:13 pm
Thanks Dena : )
I feel better : )
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 05, 2016, 11:39:31 pm
Well that turned out very very well doctor was a lovely woman very perceptive took her time got me discussing all sorts of things...put me right at ease was almost a therapy session feel good now
Cost a.packet but you dont get that type of service with a government paid ten minute consultation. ..next stop therapist and blood tests ....
Get off the xnanax im down to 1/ 1/3 mg from 2mg...a word to the wise stay away from it ....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on October 06, 2016, 01:35:39 am
Well that turned out very very well doctor was a lovely woman very perceptive took her time got me discussing all sorts of things...put me right at ease was almost a therapy session feel good now
Cost a.packet but you dont get that type of service with a government paid ten minute consultation. ..next stop therapist and blood tests ....
Get off the xnanax im down to 1/ 1/3 mg from 2mg...a word to the wise stay away from it ....

Markie

That is great to hear. I am so glad the session went well. Looking forward to the next one I bet!!

Hugs
Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 06, 2016, 04:35:15 am
Thanks Liz  :) yes well sat is my first therapy session with a specialist in this field in fact a least 3 of the therapist's there are highly trained in this field
My doc said she wants me to establish a relationship with a therapist as I have so much other stuff going  that pep talk I got in an early thread paid off because I had no objections and am happy to participate
Yes your right now the ice is broken I can hardly wait
Next r&r I go back to the docs for a physical we both agreed that me having been on male hrt for so long will work in my favor and that I will get put on female hrt and blood will be monitored for regeneration of testosterone and then a blocker added  to maintain it within female range ....so no road blocks are being put in my way
As an aside the doc's practice was over the other side of town in an area I hadn't been for like ten years....yet I managed to get with 500 meters without using maps etc just used my intuition ....it was meant to be : )
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 07, 2016, 07:18:24 am
As an aside  after the doctor i went to a food court for lunch ....at the table to right of me was this beautiful  young  transgirl
And the tabel to left was a an attractive  middle age trans woman  ???? 
Then i go to see my friend sarah  at her shop ( adult shop ) she,s a petite  gorgeous  blond  her bf is there we get into a conversation  about tall woman and she says hows she afraid of larger woman and how transgender woman scare her..... i felt like saying what about me sarah .....would you be scared of me ?
If i come out to her it will be like
Her : Nooooo
Me :  yessss
Her : No wayyyy !
Me : Yes wayyy !
Her : no
Me : yes
Ive already alluded to it by telling her and another gf that i,m planning  on 30k of cosmetic  surgery  and they say why you look great ...  i guess i,m just going to tell them both straight out theres sarah and then my other friend who is a counselor  .....so shouldn't spin them to much being as worldly as they are

Anyway we are sitting inn the office  waiting for  customers  and I'm   bitching about how my ex bought a new dress when one of my coworkers came to visit but never did the same for me
Sarah misunderstood  stood me  and pipes up " you'd  look great in a dress "  so i retort er what a nice little sequined  number ? 
and then at work the grader operator had to leave a section  of road rough so i  could cross  and then finish ...he pipes up over the  radio. ...got your sports bra on mark  , the other  female truck operator  chips in and says nah jock strap ! i tell you all this stuff is coming  thick and fast life sure does have a sense of humor  : )
 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 28, 2016, 09:42:52 am
Smack on hands from doc today  quote unquote " no human being should have testosterone  levels in that range ....you will hurt yourself "
Ooopsy ....anyway now i have to wean myself off test and Xanax  at tthe same time .....its strange that my test levles could be so high yet i desire so much to be  female ? ....i always have to do things the hard way ....always a baptism  of fire oh well such is life   :)
So as testosterone  is  addictive  in some sense  , my doc said i cant nust stop cold, i have to gradually  decrease the dose so its going to take a while , she said this is not going to be easy for me , and that i should look at expressing my feminine  side some other way, which is what my therapist  said that maybe i should consider that rather then go hrt and all the crap that goes with it whatever that is  i almost feel like theyare trying to steer me away from hrt   my idea of expressing  my feminine  side is to be female look female  then i can go about doing and behaving the way i want which may not be the classical stereotypes
anyway why settle for what i can have when i can chase something  that perhaps does or doesn't  exist for me  and have a great journey !
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 17, 2016, 06:20:05 am
Well last therapy session went okish however therapist made a point of telling me I'm very masculine looking....so its been I come across very masculine , I present very masculine, but the looking masculine looking comment  is the third time and suggesting that I find some other outlet for my feminine side sich as crossdressing  rather than do hrt and all the " crap that goes with it " wont satisfy me if I just wanted to dress up  I would be doing that and not pursuing what I am and any way clothes are clothing  theres nothing special about them they serve  a purpose
Anyway I'm already painfully away of my looks and I dont like looking at photos of myself, however  the remark  that I look very masculine really for some reason hurt , I've been really depressed  have not felt this way before and I'm really starting to detest my looks , I feel kimd of gutted , I usually book 2 sessions on my week off but this time im not I feel the relationship on my side has soured
Im not a.cross dresser and i would absolutely  no satisfaction from ot  I like womans clothing and I would like to wear it but as me ....in female form
I don't think im going to go back  I feel resentful and the therapist is a nice person and ii dont want to upset her but at the same tme she wants me.to see a psychiatrist. .why ?does she think im mentally ill a fake bipolar  or something  or am I just to old , ugly too far gone  not suitable 
Anyway I have a stock of everything I need to start hrt on my own 
No one knows whats best for me but myself I wont be denied by cis gate keepers
Even if they are well intensioned
And as for psychiatrists  they are just pill pushers ,  recently  we had one here in australia who dealt with young children and he got caught videoing children in the bathrooms .... and they are the ones who declared Transgender as a mental illness originally and then there was the chelmsford psychiatric  hospital  deep sleep nightmare where people were put into  what was meant to be a therapeutic  sleep for days weeks ...but they were sexually assaulted  while they slept the psychiatrist  in charge of that hung himself before he could be brought to trial, and theres their butchery of people's  brains with lobotomys and electric shock treatment the list goes on and on , they see people as things not beings
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: SadieBlake on November 17, 2016, 09:55:49 am
It's so odd, chatting with someone who's mtf and yet on testosterone, I don't see how you can do that and still say more power to you. I do get being hypermasculine as a coping mechanism, ensuring you still pass as male until it's time not to :-).

Anyhow. I don't think you need to fire your pshrink and I'd hazard a guess that she's genuinely trying to be helpful. The non binary path isn't simple and it's their job to consider all the options for you as a client.

I'm not saying she wasn't apply cis gender assumptions, but perhaps she's preparing you for a world that's cis-sexist and generally binary. My process with the docs has involved a year of working specifically toward transition and we first broached the topic of RLE as a non passing female back in April. It took 7 months to get from there to letters of recommendation, in part because she's not an expert in gender and then working with a psychologist who is -- and yet really managed to be less respectful in practice.

But I set my concerns for all of this aside. Push come to shove I know I could go find two online psychs to write pro forma letters. Both of these docs really did look out for my interests and I'm completely invested in really answering where I need to go in transition. Also they've leant me the strength to make this work in my relationships and friendships.

Net:net I have my letters ahead of the time I needed them, every step has been necessary.

I know out in the real world I'm encountering people who are writing me off as pretty <not allowed> up and some of them I'd called close friends, mostly things are fine but the reality is that people make assumptions.

Best example was the gender expert who's writing the consulting letter. She wanted to know what pronoun I prefer. Because I really don't care except that when she writes the letter I want female pronouns I said that. I'd actually like people to respond to who they experience. So she insisted I choose and so I gave "she/her" because sure, I have a slight preference.

So not 5 minutes later she misgendered me, apologized more than profusely and I was fine, if amused that she'd simply responded to how I look -- 5'11" male bearded and balding. Since this is what I was wanting from the start I was anything but offended. The doc however took time at the end of the session to further apologize which I honestly felt was silly as in the context of working with me it wasn't a professional lapse. No harm, no foul and if she's not as completely amazing as my regular psychiatrist, she doesn't have to be. She had some insights that were  helpful.

I've spent 20 years transitioning socially and I still know I read male sometimes and have to suggest that you probably read male in your interactions. It will take time and maybe it's not even something you want to affect.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 17, 2016, 10:27:28 pm
Hi SadieBlake thanks for taking the time to reply, : ) well with regards to the testosterone  ive been on it for a few years now , its simply a replacement  for what my body does  not produce  years ago i was feeling depressed,  tired all the time , i introverted , no stamina , and i was totally  fatigued  after work outs
 , so i had a test while in thailand  my results were right at the bottom of the chart  doc gave me a jab but it didn't  do much it seemed  so i just forgot about t it for another couple of years  ended up on xanax
 ( which i,m slowing weaning my self off i tried to go cold turkey  but i only lasted 4 days as the side effects were so bad ....giving up heroin was esier than this )
Than i heard about hrt so i went to a doc showed him the results and he gave me what i needed  its funny but i think if i had had the hrt in the beginning  i would not have need the Xanax  i bet there are tens of thousands  of men on anti depressants  who really just have low t.
so really the male hrt  just was meant to put me in normal range
 , in male form you cant do without it ,  but i,m assuming  that when the ratio is repalced by estrogen your body rebalances but its either  one or the other  so if i had followed the docs one size fits all doseing protocol i would be the same as any other male in the testosterone  range
However i was not saisfied with having the 50ish range i wanted the same as a healthy  30 yr old ...so i set about doing it ,when my new doc said  no person should have test in those ranges i think she was referring  to old tests by another doc when i was using reandron/ nebido which is a 3 monthly injection it has a very long ester/ half life and as i was new to it i did not realise so because there was some left in my system  from the previous  shot it kept building  at every subsquent shot , which is  the range the new doc would have seen
Now i,m on enanthate which has a much shorter half life  so is more easily controlled though i use it more frequently  than the docs recommendation  as i have a fast metabolism .
But yes even the therapist said she had never dealt with someone on male hrt before .....but if shes dealt with trans men ....well then she has .
But its interesting i could have such high levels and still reach for mtf through that haze of test, but i guess the range i,m in is   normal for
For me so it doesnt hinder the way i think , anyway i have to maintain it at this point until i can get mtf hrt as before male hrt i was a very sensitive and emotional person , i used get such a hard time in the industry  i work in but now i get left alone  because i cant be pushed around any more
 . Howeverif  i let the test drop i think i would be eaten alive ....so has to be either test or estrogen  in the right amounts
I had the opposite  experience  with my doc she was so gracious and granted me being female she is really enthusiastic  however first appointment  i gushed out all this stuff that really should be reserved  for a shrink ,

so she asked me to see one ...not so much for the gender side but because i had so much other stuff going on so its all good with her  i think if i asked i could just do informed consent ,
So really i,m just at the shrinks at her request and theres also the benefit of getting hrt hormones at lower cost on the national health scheme ,
  i don't  think i need help with gender idendity I've  read enough and chatted with others  to the point where i am fully aware , but i have spent all my life conforming  to the macho ideal and have throughly negated and repressed myself
but it think maybe in transitioning is where i,ll need to talk to someone as just as some transmen have difficulty  coping with their new hormonal identity so it will  probably be   the same in reverse its simply amazing how much sex hormones play a part in our thinkng and behavior

As for my social interaction  i really have no idea how i will be , i know testosterone  has had such a profound effect on my life and i expect in its absence estrogen will do the same thing
And you know its correct i have over compensated  to fit in  but for all I've  done its just a pseudo identity though a good one , i have the admiration  of my peers not  a day goes past where some guy wiil clap me on the shoulders or make a postive comment on my body and the woman get so gushy in my presence and can't  help but touch me  or make eyes at me lol its almost surreal  and i see some guys are very jealous  of all the admiration  i receive,  and even last night some attractive girl half my age tried to pick me up at mac Donalds
So i have almost every thing a cis male could desire ....but its of no use to me whatever  i don't  use it or know how to use it to my advantage
Though i guess any sort of admiration  is nice , but here i am ready wanting to sacrifice  all my strength power and charisma  for the
Unknown ....so either i am crazy or i am certain of what i want
You are right about me not jumping the gun and fireing my therapist  she is a specialist  in gender issues  and of course  yes she would be genuine  trying to help me  and i,m probably  over sensitive 
How ever suggesting i should find another outlet rather than do hrt leaves me mystified , and why ask me to see  a psychiatrist ? Well For a second opinon she said as it holds more weight  with the paper work apparently  but i feel theres an ulterior  motive there .
However i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve so i will have to wait till i calm down  ..once i get wound up it takes me awhile to calm down
Anyway she is due to go on extended leave and i am to be passed onto another therapist  so maybe I'll wait till then as its not really an ideal situation  to establish  a relationship  with one therapist and then go to another  we've  only had 3 sessions so far so it wont really matter i guess and perhaps i will get someone  closer to my age who understands the concept of time older people have ,
You know sometimes i wish i had not woken up and just continued  my life oblivious .
But now i know its on my mind 24 hrs a day
My therapist did ask if i had a preferered name to be known by when i first went there ..i do have but i,ll use it when the time is right ☺
I tend to follow the be do have principle

You’ve got to be before you can do, and do before you can have.” thats how i feel about transition 

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Aisla on November 18, 2016, 07:44:17 am
Margie
So much of your story is similar to mine.  Alpha binary male with major dysphoria.  Early medical advice was that I should just cross dress as I "would never be able to pass."  Tried cross dressing but it just felt like another act.  As my t levels came off I was prescribed androgel and my dysphoria became crippling.
Finally diagnosed trans and started hrt.  Immediately felt so much better, nil dysphoria and full speed towards transition .... until I stopped, reversed direction and sought multiple opinions, had ffs, permanent hair removal etc and began to realise and accept that I just didn't fit the binary and I didn't need to transition to express my andro, gender fluid nature.  Not sure this is the right path for everyone but it certainly has worked for this non binary!
Wishing you all the best on your journey.
Safe travels
Aisla
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 18, 2016, 07:05:41 pm
Hi Aisla yes imdeed our paths run parallel,  i can comprehend  how you may have felt when you were told to try cross dressing as you would never pass ....how insentitive can people be !
 But the more i look at it those comments  about me being masculine and the final  blow of "you look very mascline !"  Well using my universal  translator that actually  has a lot more content in it than those 4 words its actually a polite  and an attempt  to soften the blow , because what it really means me  to reading  between the lines is " you are too masculine looking and you wont pass...so heres an option try cross dressing
 , but its like you put perfectly  its just another act .

I,m working  my way through hair removal  and i have been seriously  considering  getting ffs before i start hrt I've  read of one surgeon who doesn't  believe you have be on hrt before getting ffs  so if there is a lull in work i may just do that at
Least that would solve part of the problem

...its funny when i first met my new trans friendly  doc i declared i did not have dysphoria but it appears that i might have some form of it  from reading your post ,

Thats the great thing about this site all the information i have learned and even the therapist  remarked i had done my homework when we first met.... well not so much homework as having access to a great data base and readimg and chatting about people like my self
Being here is therapy  in its self i have no doubt it has saved many hours in the chair for me

Thanks for sharing , so did you fully transition  in the end or was ffs and hair removal enough to satisfy you ?
And may your travels be pleasant too  :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on November 19, 2016, 05:35:31 pm
Hi Markie

I have been reading this thread with real interest because I had/have low T caused by an internal medication pump. Before coming out I had 2 x T injections and they were just about the end of me. I was a hateful cow...I was angry with everyone and furious with myself for having been so stupid as to put T back in my body. So I guess the question is why?

I will make this as short as I can....I have always done destructive things when it comes to my health and I thought keeping the fact I had low T was just another example of this, My Dr at the time reacted to me the way he would to any other male with low T...you poor bloke here let me fix this...To say I hated it was an understatement..my Dysphoria went through the roof which sent my anger out of control...the hate and loathing I had for myself was at the suicidally high levels...as the levels began to drop away so did many of the physical symptoms along with my anger. After this and for the next 2 years I had low to no T...I felt pretty good.

When I started HRT things changed for me I began to get some clarity around myself, my dysphoria lessened I felt "well". This came with side effects which the biggest being the rollercoaster of emotions. When T is not the pervading hormone running through your system you see the world from a different view. It takes time for it to shift and I can feel the shift in me and I feel excited and happy. I love the changes in my emotional response, my sexual response, my sense of humour, the way in which I see things now is different...clothes, makeup, hair, deportment are all very important but for me the best part of it all is finally just relaxing and letting me be me...my daughter commented on a particular posture I have now that she says is very feminine but something I never even thought about or noticed myself doing.

I had to go out to get some hardware yesterday and I was absolutely miserable because I just did not want to go in boy mode but I did anyway...I did not realise just how much it upsets me to crossdress now...this is a change that has come from me allowing myself to just be who I am...

I guess what I am trying to say to you is that Oestrogen is not just a substitute for T, it is likely to change your world in unexpected ways, its a whole new universe when you are on Oestrogen. Don't be scared...its the kind of different you have craved all your life if you are MTF and I would imagine if you are FTM having T would be similar.

If you read any of my very early posts, even before I decided to transition I was all to aware of the "fact" that I would not pass...but as I have gone along on HRT whether or not I pass is becoming less of an issue because the duality of living as part male and part female is becoming increasingly more difficult as each day comes along. The other thing I have noticed is I do care if I pass to a certain extent. I want to be able to at least walk through a shopping centre and not be noticed by everyone or even pass. After 40+ years of T there are some things I cannot change and don't want to change.

Just thinking out loud along with you ;D

Hugs
Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 19, 2016, 10:31:10 pm
Hi Liz  thanks for chatting  :)

My dsphoria went through the roof which sent my anger out of control...the hate and loathing I had for myself was at the suicidally high levels...as the levels began to drop away so did many of the physical symptoms along with my anger. After this and for the next 2 years I had low to no T...I felt pretty good.

 Liz yes I think I may finally have had a taste of dysphoria. ..but it needed someone close to me to trigger it and i thought i was immune to it ...very unpleasant feeling  so I can feel for you and I have noticed as my t dose bleeds off I feel more relaxed
So there something definitely there its interesting that you felt good with low t or nil t levels but I guess the estrogen must have made a difference

When I started HRT things changed for me I began to get some clarity around myself, my dysphoria lessened I felt "well". This came with side effects which the biggest being the rollercoaster of emotions. When T is not the pervading hormone running through your system you see the world from a different view. It takes time for it to shift and I can feel the shift in me and I feel excited and happy.

Yes I  am looking forward (although a little scared )to the changes estrogen will make in me , I have a deep feeling they will be quite marked and profound just as I found with T . I am really looking forward to it to be honest and I am preparing with that in mind

.clothes, makeup, hair, deportment are all very important but for me 

I expect something similar will occur with me ....I want to do my nails and make up so bad :) and I guess theres something dysphoric about not being able at this point
When I sent my photo's off for virtual ffs I was asked what I didnt like about my face
I said the whole thing .. I like my eyes though and sometimes in a quiet moment I can see me  sometimes

I had to go out to get some hardware yesterday and I was absolutely miserable because I just did not want to go in boy mode but I did anyway...I did not realise just how much it upsets me to crossdress now...this is a change that has come from me allowing myself to just be who I am...

Yes well now its the reverse for you thats very interesting  but it shows to me that you are you : )

I guess what I am trying to say to you is that Oestrogen is not just a substitute for T, it is likely to change your world in unexpected ways, its a whole new universe when you are on Oestrogen. Don't be scared...its the kind of different you have craved all your life if you are MTF and I would imagine if you are FTM having T would be similar.

Yes Liz I agree I look forward to it  thank you for your insight and encouragement
Since I've been on replacement  t my body has stopped producing it and the body parts responsible for making it would similar to a trans female now
So when estrogen floods my system it will have full access after having been on t replacement for so long that area is in stasis and I would have to use medicine to kickstart it again, I know the female body needs a small amount of testosterone for health just as the male one needs a small amount of estrogen so I will have to do some more research on that aspect




If you read any of my very early posts, even before I decided to transition I was all to aware of the "fact" that I would not pass...but as I have gone along on HRT whether or not I pass is becoming less of an issue because the duality of living as part male and part female is becoming increasingly more difficult as each day comes along. The other thing I have noticed is I do care if I pass to a certain extent. I want to be able to at least walk through a shopping centre and not be noticed by everyone or even pass. After 40+ years of T there are some things I cannot change and don't want to change.

Just thinking out loud along with you ;D

Most welcome Liz :)

Yes I am not so worried about passing so much as aesthetics like hair for instance ive regrown mine and will find out if I am a candidate for transplantation if I could even manage shoulder length I'd be very happy,
I used to keep thinking about my height but last night in the gym this cis girl came in she was as tall as me big boned, had a high forehead so that initially I thought she was trans , but no she wasn't
And a while ago a trans woman came into Sarahs shop I could tell by her voice  but she wasn't even concerned about it however she had the most beautiful ankle length dress ...so I think clothes maketh the female as well as maybe not self confidence but being comfortable in ones skin which is definitely the vibe I got from her so I think that is probably the most important thing of all if you want to be able to pass to the extent you mentioned ....you will ,  you have long hair thats a good start
Oh and that femmine posture you have adopted sounds natural just goes to show theres no need to mimic anything I think considering all the females we have ever been exposed , seen , been with is all recorded in the subconscious so in the presence of hormones mannerisms and character will adjust accordingly I think though I'm  certainly not an expert but I think one mistake could be trying to hard you can't force a flower to open but when it does its own pace until it is in full bloom

Hugs
Markie :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Aisla on November 20, 2016, 05:09:45 am
Hi Aisla yes imdeed our paths run parallel,..

Thanks for sharing , so did you fully transition  in the end or was ffs and hair removal enough to satisfy you ?
And may your travels be pleasant too  :)

Markie
My path has certainly not been linear and my speed has varied.  While I am transtioning I am not transitioning in a binary sense, rather it is a transition from the alpha binary male construct that I had inhabited for much of my life to a far more androgynous and gender fluid target state.  I don't think that I will transition MTF because I don't see, feel or identify as F.  I think that I am a fairly typical non binary who seeks to occupy the 'middle ground' (although I don't see gender as a spectrum) ..  my endo encouraged me to flex the hrt (E and spiro) to help find my 'sweet spot'.   Interestingly my body changed faster than I was able to handle, causing me to have a bilateral breast reduction.  Since then my hrt has again increased to what would normally be regarded as transition level, rather than low dose.  Here in Oz, implants are often used so once I found my sweet spot I asked my endo for an implant and only minor tweaking has followed.

I primarily use hrt for emotional peace - the physical changes are fine but are not an end in themself. I have found life to be so much richer and have felt so much more authentic since starting on hrt and my other changes (ffs, hair etc) were designed to signal and help me present as MTA rather than as MTF. 

Hope this makes sense.  The other important piece is that I am still married and my wife is still adjusting.  Deep down her worst nightmare is if I later find that I need to transition as, while she relates to me as NB and A, sexually she is hetero and has no interest in presenting as a lesbian.

As an aside, I have a number of friends who were MAAB and identify as NB and A but have chosen full transition as it just seems to be a better fit for them.  We seem to be converging on a similar space but our paths differ.

No one could say that our journeys are boring. 

Safe travels

Aisla
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 20, 2016, 11:07:41 pm
Hi Aisla,
                 Yes what you say does make sense ,  in fact some of the things you speak of are thoughts i,ve had my self though  not so concise
I've  always believed in a third gender even before I actually realised where I am now and i think thats the path i,m traveling  along i will only really know how far i am going to go once i start hrt ,  but before that i,m getting rid of body hair  for a start as i think that hrt will work pretty quick with me too
 though it will be ffs and hair that is my main concern initally
 as you said about occupying the middle ground that is where i  believe  i will end up, i don't  really intend to have srs due to some concerns i have about it,
 though as i become more myself that possibly  could change only time will tell i,m pretty adaptable
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: SadieBlake on November 23, 2016, 04:55:26 am
What are your concerns with GCS?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 23, 2016, 07:03:44 am
 Ummm well i read somewhere that sexual pleasure may not avaliable  for all that go through it and  i,m a bit confused because at this point i dont really fancy men ..... so  what would i do ? ...its just a comment not cast in granite  and deep down it has appealed  to me but I've  yet to confront that i will have to see how my perceptions  change  , might be i,m avoiding yet another issue. ...
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Aisla on November 29, 2016, 02:52:52 am
Markie

This really is a journey which is uniquely yours.  You are the author.  You get to decide the direction, the speed, the extent and the destination.  The thing is, the journey will change you and your understanding of your self.  As a non binary you really can see if you need to fully transition to express yourself as androgynous.  Some folk do, some folk don't.

Over the last 6.5 years I have been surprised with just how much I have changed as I started to understand, accept and express my gender.  This has meant that I have at times slowed my transition, stopped transition, then restarted and in each case I have responded to how I felt and was designed to keep me in a good place.  For me this has been a search for self and this has in turn been driven by a need to learn to express my self as authentically and as powerfully as possible. 

I look forward to hearing how your transition progresses

Safe travels

Aisla
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 29, 2016, 05:27:03 am
Hi Aisla yes well spoken  and that  is what i will be pursuing  i look forward to it extremely though not witnout  some trepidation,
But it as you say i want to express "  My self " as authentically as i can and yes its goi g to be interesting  as to how far i go with transition
What ever that may be ....but what  ever happens i have to move on from where i am ....i have this window of chance so i need /  must avail  myself of it , i have fears about it , i wonder at how my work   mates and people i know will treat me  but its not for them its for me and any one who doesn't  like it can go and get  <not allowed> ( go forth and procreate )
i felt good today as i found a  transition  clinic in the thailand that is right where i holiday they deal specifically
With mtf and ftm and is  American  run   no letters are needed you simply go in sign up are given a full  though medical
And then the correct medication bio identical  is dispensed  every thing is done under expert supervision and you will be assessed   monthly
If you so choose
And your medication can be mailed to you anywhere in the world  and its very reasonable price wise
What a relief. ... now i know i dont have to jump through  any hoops  bow down or suffer the opinions  or be stalled by them
Thats one of the things i like about thailand .....no bs red tape
Anyway its good to have a choice
  Cheers friend

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Aisla on December 06, 2016, 01:06:58 am
Markie

Transitioning really is quite a journey.  On reflection I was, in many ways, my own worst enemy.  In life I do take a position, I will dive in rather than slowly immerse myself.  In transitioning I have had to slow it down and to resist taking big steps.  Moving quickly really caused me stress.

Every time I took a big step early in my journey eg booking for multiple FFS procedures, finding a gap in my surgeon's schedule which fitted my work schedule, and committing to the procedures.  Wow I hadn't even looked at the DVD covering the procedures until 4 hours prior to the op!  I hadn't even spoken to folk who had had similar procedures etc  I only organised post op care the weekend before.  No wonder I found the procedure and the recovery difficult.

Similarly I ramped up hrt very quickly.  Quick and obvious breast development.  So what did I do?  I just as quickly decided to reduce both breasts. 

It was also about then that I began to accept that a full transition was not right for me at that point in time or indeed, perhaps not at any time.   

The pattern was clear.  I needed to change my approach.  I went back to 3 therapists, I spoke with 2 endos and engaged with many folk on forums like Susans and only then did I start a more careful and considered journey.  I also considered that perhaps my narrative and my journey were uniquely mine and that I couldn't just dive in and trust that it would all work out well in the end.

4 years further on I am in a really good place.  My breasts have returned and I know that even if I have not yet arrived at my final destination that I am in a very good place. For me, in transition, thoughtful and considered steps have been better, much better than just diving right on in. 

Interestingly I have since met folk who not only had multiple FFS procedures but also had BA in one op... and then they quickly followed up with GCS. ... and they swear that this was the best possible way forward for them.  It just reminds me that our journeys are unique, that some folk are more resilient, more certain, better prepared and that the journey itself will change our understanding of ourself and of others.

Safe travels

Aisla
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 11, 2016, 07:06:03 am
Hi Aisla,
                   What you have said is food for thought  .... one wouldn't  dive into an unknown  billabong  without testing it first as inviting  as the water looks  there maybe  obstructions  just below the surface 
For me though i am quite impulsive  and want to take big steps ....i find the waiting frustrating....but some  of it is my own doing  like for instance  starting hrt .....i went and saw  Dr Markie and he prescribed  me every thing i need 😂 when i,m in Thailand i will have access to more expert opinions blood tests etc
but i have  this thing about getting  rid of my body hair first , as i,m pretty sure since my own t production  has stopped and wont restart with the blockers kicking in , i,m not sure but i think the estrogen  induced  body effects will come on like a  freight train one thing i know is my physiology  loves hormones and responds very well
With ffs i still have to send the new lot of photos  in fact get them taken ! which i have been avoiding  once i have an idea of what my new face will look like i can then start contacting surgeons to  see what they can do and adjust  as needed ....considering the recovery time  i want to get ffs and whatever else  facial plastic surgery  done as soon as this contract i,m on is finished ....after reading your account and those of others and i see its no cake walk  and considering  i,m going to bite the bullet and get everything done in one move that can be done i will need the time between jobs to recover
Thanks to your input and that of others  i have a very good idea as what to expect and what to do and how  the rest of what i need to do will
become apparent  as the journey  progresses
Cheers

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 14, 2016, 06:54:50 pm
Mmmm last night having drinkies at the mess
People wanted.to what I looked like with hair so I showed an old photos
And the petite blond next to me oh markie you so much smaller back then... that lady is bigger than you !!! made my night ....if I can get back to that size it will be good
Just have to lose about 20kg of muscle built during my testosterone fueled rampage









Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Dena on December 14, 2016, 07:09:35 pm
Even that far back you were still muscular so I suspect in a couple of year you could end up with even a more delicate build.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 15, 2016, 01:20:28 am
I sure hope so :)
Yes  before weight training I was quite slim ....in retrospect a perfect candidate for hrt
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 23, 2016, 05:49:57 am
 So here i am in pattaya thailand , been clubbing with friends but soon to get down to business  ie the transition  clinic
Its kinda ironic that because of the prostrate  hypertrophy  i,m taking Dutasteride in the morning and and Finasteride at night
Between the both they are mopping up dht ....had to do it  choice between surgery which may or may not go right  not to mention time off work and anyway it was getting  to be a desperate  situation a few times there i thought i would need a catheter. ....out in the middle of no where , at work so like it or not my t levels are dropping i can notice as my emotions  are coming back ,   so in a way this is Markies last blowout
i,m ripped at 100kg the women here love it they are more forward than western woman
But heres the kicker ....i thought at the end of this contract i could take off go on hrt etc quietly. .... but no our company  has just got another contract which means another year of work which is good ... but means i,m going to have to go thŕough hrt in front of my peers well if i cope any flak i will explain that they are privileged to witness  an alpha male turn into female ....me myself i would find it fascinating to see such a thing
All my associates are  body builders, bikers, martial arts , construction workers , so this is going to be strange .... i hope the shop that is rebuilding my chopper gets it done before i get obvious  lol ..... oh well i should be throughly  desensitized  at the end so that will be helpful
Thing is i don't  intend to blend i intend ( at least thats the plan) to be quite obivious but only because  i want it to be that way
I cant not do it because a year is to long , the girls at the bar reckon i,ve got between b and c cup pecs ....soooo i expect hrt will add to that 😨😕😰
Hmmm i see so many silly old men around here looking for sex .....i dont know now they do it i,m much younger and fitter etc no end of offers....but i have zero intrest in sex..... in fact on my first visit to phuket thailand to learn thai boxing after a while some thai people  asked if i was a policeman  as i did not womanise etc .....
Anyway for me to enjoy sex i need an emotional connnection .....hmmm go figure ☺


Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 25, 2016, 11:01:04 am
looking around there are so many different styles of female clothing. ..what ever you want very tempting but.i.cant cross.dress.it makes me depressed  and i happened across a couple
of wig shops hundreds of.styles. ..what caught my eye was some that were done in dreadlock styles just what i like
full human hair wigs top of.the range are $729
and most.of them are made for hot climates
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 28, 2016, 11:39:33 am
[Link Removed]
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Raell on January 01, 2017, 08:42:23 am
Gracious! So many people from these forums come to Thailand.

I am currently living in southern Thailand, and have been teaching here since 2010. I'm not trying to transition, but find it much easier to live here, among people with such a high percentage of mixed gender people. I feel at home here.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 03, 2017, 12:17:53 pm
Hi I do understand how that can be ....I too e eventually want to move there too
I desire to transition to the 3rd gender I'm not sure how I will do this but it is what will complete me as a human being ....I will when I have the bandwidth post a couple of photos so that it can be seen what I have to contend with it Will be not be easy for me.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Raell on January 03, 2017, 11:42:20 pm
I keep saying that in Thailand, transwomen either call themselves women, or Third Gender women. The gay men, kathoey, who wear women's clothing are the so-called "she-males" sought by secretly bisexual Western men, but identify as male.

But I see people of all gender presentations and identity varieties going about everyday work here, and that's refreshing. One male-bodied school superintendent was wearing make up and a glittering pants suit, had coiffed hair, yet had a grizzled chin and a booming voice, wore men's shoes and appeared to consider himself male. Two different female-bodied teachers at schools where I taught, dressed totally as men, down to the shoes.

Because of the way Thai use pronouns I don't have to guess genders when I address them, as people use gender reflexive self-pronouns in each sentence.

So, yes, it was a GREAT relief moving here. I didn't even realize how oppressive the evangelical Christian gender binary culture was until I got here, and it was GONE. Or at least, greatly reduced.

I wish I could see you if you move here, but I'm living off the beaten track, close to the Malaysian border, on a peninsula near the beach, and most expats move to big cities like Bangkok or Chiang Mai.

It's wonderful here, though, in a small city near the biggest one in the south..Hat Yai.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 04, 2017, 01:12:09 am
Yes  indeed it is exactly refreshing , I've been wary of the south due to insurgents... How ever should I get enough time I would be happy to drop by and say hi :  )
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Raell on January 04, 2017, 07:54:28 am
The insurgency activity is about 3 hours south of me, in Narathiwat Province.

I actually taught there for one term because my boss quadrupled my salary if I'd go, so I did it as sort of dare, since nobody else would go!

But Thailand is a very large, long country, so don't worry about it. If expats do go south, they usually go to Phuket, which I avoid because of the tourist trap prices.

If I'm near Phuket, I go to Krabi, Aunung, or take a speed boat to Mu Ko Similan National Marine Park

That's where I am in this photo:

[Image Removed]
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 04, 2017, 09:16:07 am
Oh OK  isee....you're  very brave for doing that :) it looks lovely there
Next time I'm in Thailand I want to go to lonely Beach koh  Chang  my doctor in bangkokl told me about it he said I should go there to relax ,I think it may not be to far from your location
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Raell on January 04, 2017, 04:06:35 pm
Well, it's up to you how far you want to take transition, and what appearance modifications you want, but you look OK to me.

The girl with you looks like a kathoey, or "she-male." If so, she would be a female-dressing gay male who takes hormones but is otherwise intact. Like I've said, in Thailand, they are sex workers, mostly for secretly bisexual western males in the sex tourist trade.

You may have noticed that Thai people in general have low levels of gender hormones, are very mixed gender, androgynous, etc. Thai girls tend to have figures like 10-year-old boys; thin thighs, flat chests, no butts, etc., while the young men tend to be slender, graceful, pretty, no body hair.

Caucasians, on the other hand, tend to look like gender hormone exaggerations..men typically have heavy beards, blocky movements, balding heads, thick body hair, thick bodies, extreme interest in "manly" pursuits such as sex, sports, etc.

Caucasian women tend to have plenty of curves; large breasts, big hips, fat butts, exaggerated female traits, tend to avoid sports, be non-athletic, be interested in shopping, scream at the sight of vermin such as bugs, mice, etc.

The Thai in general, seem very "meh" about sex, in fact, many married couples I know don't even live in the same town. They dress conservatively, and both genders of all ages join in together many types of traditional Thai sports. If I'm passing by, I usually get invited to join in the game also, or I'll stay to cheer them on.

Unlike the sexual orientation-obsessed Americans, they often seem OK with going either way in sex, as long as it's to their advantage. If you're white, you could get hit on by both genders, since green cards, and/or money are often/usually the goals.

Even at my age (64) I get hit on constantly by both genders, and their being married or not seems irrelevant.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 05, 2017, 07:16:05 pm
Yes i have noticed the fluidity of the genderrealty it is as you say, now I have a better understanding of what a kathoey is , yes indeed that femme was a worker  who wanted to service me but ...I am a bit "meh" about sex too ,but I cop a lot of friendly flak at work from my workmates about ladyboys etc, so I like I take photos and post them on Facebook to stir them up :) there have been a few amusing time s when I have shown a homophobes some photos
and then adjusted there reality's lol
Yes Thai people are quite androgynous...and they are generally a happy bunch when they get together it really is a laid back society in many ways I'm going learn Thai at a school when I get the visa and time eventually I want to move there but it may not be a touristy type place because as noted it is more expensive it all depends on what you want , I'm not  very materialistic so I don't need much to be happy
No wonder you get hit on you dont look  64
I dont get hit on by males  but then I think I may be a bit intimidating for them
but its different with the kathoueys and females
thered I a bar i like to go and I just have a few drinks with the manager and owner both  females and we just have a laugh and watch music videos...the worker girls could not work me out ...as I was null to their advances eventually they clicked and stopped pawing me
Mmmm well I thought those photos gave a better insight for myself on how I look yes I guess i do look okay but with transiton I do want to modify my body to a more femme state but remain intact as I prefer woman, there is another thread on these forums talking about outside the ffs Box which is a gold mine as it addresses mods that I will need
My last trip I had my 4th laser body hair removal its something I want to address before full on hrt ...but I will do it before any surgeries ....to make sure I like it
But in any case life in Thailand appeals to me more than australia
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 05, 2017, 09:16:35 pm
Finally decided to get a wig ...passed 2 massive shops full of e very style you can imagine ...settled on a more or less unisex  dreadlocks one small.dreads with highlights on them
It was a real pleasure the assistant was very helpful
And a 50% human / 50% one cost me just 275 aid
I went back a second time I ask some questions and it seems there is chemistry between her and I

Went for 4th full body lazer hair removal ,I've been taking the appropriate dose of finistraside for bph
and its really making a difference with hair growth ,alas its making my body hair return much more than before
So the fini is really good for hair in my case ,and the bph symptoms are much better
Speaking to one of the girls about extensions she said only need 5cms so that's a.good thing and the staff directed me to a hair restoration clinic just down the road
that's what i like about pattaya every thing is packed in that seaside city plenty of competition so prices are very reasonable

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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 06, 2017, 03:45:31 am
getting off the bus today I was last to get off well not because my female coworker was sitting on the front seat as I passed she ladies first lol caught me off guard bus driver and her grinning at me as she followed me off ...she said now that's karma with a sweet smile ...she's quite a doll been all over the world ....buts it funny when I've got my mind focused on something I seem I pull in attributes concerning my thoughts ....
I used to be able to project my emotions without saying or doing things used to get me into trouble  it disturbs people that don't like it and I could never put it to good use..thoughts have wings
strange stuff like I had lost a size 13 ring spanner then one day I was riding my motorcycle down the road and there on the white line in the middle of the road  was a high quality 13 ring spanner ....what are the odds ?
in fact
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Raell on January 06, 2017, 05:05:02 am
Ah, but we create our own universes.
We are the ones who make things real.
As you send out your intentions into the universe, it produces and brings what you order. But it produces any strong thought..good or bad. If you believe in bad luck, the universe brings that also.

Even in quantum physics, waves of light collapse into photon particles if they are observed, so our interactions with energy cause it to manifest as solid matter.
"Reality" stays in a suspended state of all possibilities, like with Schrodinger's cat, which could be considered either dead or alive, until someone looks in the box to see. Our intentions change the universe, and all our energy interacts continually.

Sounds like you're making progress, and congratulations on getting the wig!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 06, 2017, 06:26:51 am
Oh that really is refreshing someone who knows their way around I had many more experiences,what you say is exactly true, I have observed it many times and I like Schrodinger's cat, although I always feel sorry for it ...I like
Pussy cats : )
Oh thanks on the wig its a start I guess ,its an androgynous item so I can experiment with it
 Oh  yes its true about what we postulate ...I always get what i want  ....but a lot of times what I get is slightly a skew if you know what I mean
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Raell on January 06, 2017, 05:23:18 pm
LOL! That's true, but only because the universe brings us any strong intention..good or bad. If we fear something, it happens also.

When Jesus said that if tell a mountain to move and throw itself into the sea (Mark 11:23 "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them., it will obey us") the Greek word translated "believe" includes both conscious and UNconscious beliefs. If we had bad past experiences and believe we are doomed to repeat history, then the universe brings it to us, because that's the thought you have.

The universe is a "wish machine" that blindly does whatever we picture in our minds..good or bad.

Jesus wasn't incarnated on earth to show off, but to show humans that they have the same power he has.

In fact, the word translated "righteousness" in the Bible means "total equality" which means that the Bible is constantly telling us that we are the same as, and have same powers of GOD. Even the Prodigal Son story that Jesus told (Luke 15: 11-32), where the father represented God and the prodigal son who ran away, represented the worst of humans, in the end of the story the son found out that, the entire time he was gone, he had the full authority of his father and access to all his father's money.
Plus he had the same DNA.

The point of Jesus' story being that any lack we have is from our own mindset. The Prodigal Son was starving and broke because he didn't realize he could access his father's money and use his authority any time he wished.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 21, 2017, 01:04:58 am
So this is not my story (or maybe It is for many but has been forgotten )  But is for many others... I can't imagine  how awful it would have been to know yet unable  to do anything. and even so to be branded  as mentally  ill and have to play the sistems  game  once one did have some control It's a good thing  times are changing  non binary  are recognised now albeit as " gender nonconforming

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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 21, 2017, 02:00:21 am
So now I've  been  on finstriside for about 3 months and it appears  to acting as a T blocker
ie: I've  lost about 10kg on my bench press 150kg down to 140kg and 20kg on squats  down from 160kg to 140kg
and unbelievably  I'm developing  breast  tissue under the nipples and to cap it all off last night one of the girls remarked that I was losing weight around  the face and body and that's without  estrogen  being introduced
my first milestone  was to get rid of body hair first before any feminisation  I'm  onto the 5th lazer session hopefully  there won't be much more
But even so I had one srt8 guy in camp after the wet mess closed start complimenting on my build etc laying it on real thick and  even followed me into the ice room..... makes me. wonder sometimes  I mean it's a camp out in the bush... I've been in larger camps where men have been found bleeding  and unconcious  where someones jumped them in the dark to get even
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 22, 2017, 03:23:40 am
So anyway the other day on the bus to work someone  mentioned  that one site he had worked had a trans woman in the crew and that she was very pretty then the guy beside yelled out belligerently
"what a he/she !!" I was a dissapointed  as he's  a good guy so once we are in our  machines
I sent him a photo  of myself and a couple  of girls... He answered back "wow hotties"
So then I texted him yes they are transgender  : ) ....no response  ...I'm  thinking  the bus ride back to camp  will be interesting 
So in the bus He pipes up hey Markie show "R" those photos  so I do and they make their way around  the bus exclamations  of amazement  here and their when they realise the facts,  but no negativity and that originally antagonistic  guy is remarking on on the the designer  jeans and how hot she is, and then he has the cheek to say in front  of everyone  ...and what about you Markie would you?! everyone's  looking back at me grinning  but before  I can say anything  he says " you wouldn't  tell us anyway  aye " which just cracks up the whole bus me included.... It's the second  time I've used these photos  to defuse trans agro and the fact that im  like and respected helps and anyway in other people's  eyes I'm  too big to be messed with.... I have have dysmorphia I can't see my self properly  I think I'm the same size as the others around me
I had some even better  photos  on my dysphoria camera but that's lost in a Bangkok  taxi somewhere
I call it the dysphoria  camera as it made everyone else look good and made me look like crap
Now I have a new camera an oppo f9plus it is ironicly named the selfie expert as it has a 16mp 📷 on the back... Not that I'll  be using it any time soon

[Link Removed]

This quite a dysphoria photo for me as it really  highlights  my size etc basically  whole body dysphoria
I look  a bit better  for a male now as I've  had some threads and filler done but that's me after 2weeks dusk to dawn partying
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 23, 2017, 06:26:36 pm
Good taste in a non binary androgynous  way
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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 24, 2017, 08:55:54 pm
https://youtube.com/watch?v=PcAw0u60_Bg
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on February 25, 2017, 02:56:18 am
https://youtube.com/watch?v=PcAw0u60_Bg

Only made me tear up this time, Last time I saw it I   :icon_cry2:... I guess you call that progress :D

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 25, 2017, 06:24:32 pm
Well that's healthy..  I mean free emotion that is that's the great  thing about being female you express them
I can't find the link but there was a canadian girl who posted  her FFS experience
Which in her father took her to the hospital and the interaction between  them had me. fighting back tears in public  place I was so touched by it
This too makes me. emotional  but it shows how far things have come naturally  it's a. European production
Their attitudes  are more  cosmopolitan
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 05, 2017, 10:27:10 pm
So in the mess last night I joined a table  and the conversation  some how  turned to  transgender  as one woman recounted  her experiences  in a small town as a hair dresser  where a couple of transgender residents  would come in and get their eyebrows  hair done  etc ,she  mentioned  about facial hair whereupon a guy said how dedicated  you'd  have to be to to get rid of it,  she then went on to talk about how thick skinned they must be to live openly  in a small country  town
Then another girl mentioned  that there was a transgender  worker on a project  she had previously  worked  on
and was amazed that anyone like that would pick Fifo life she said that she felt sorry for her because of the other workers not there was any harassment  but was impressed  that she could be strong  enough  to handle it, I then said it would  take a lot of  courage... which every body at the table agreed with
then one guy said it'd  be a different  story if you went to jail... I looked at him and said... well you'd just have to find yourself a man : ) which is true even if your male if you're  vulnerable you need protection  so better you pick then be preyed upon
Next top the wetmess and guess what the subject at the bar was I had to make sure the difference  between  transgender  and TV was known.... Lol I feel like I must have branded on my head... I'm always  thinking about it.... Well I am anyway 24/7  but for the moment  I'm  just fence sitting watching the success of others waiting thinking
for a time when I will finish my virtual  FFS.... But  something  that haunts me is at another job before I even realised about myself my coworker  girlfriend  one day just out of the blue said to me "you know it's OK to be gay" I think the way she said it made it one of the kindest things anyone had ever said to me, but then next day we were walking  to our trucks and it was like she had an epiphany  and turned and blurted out to me " don't become  a woman  ..you'd make an ugly  woman!! I thought  at the time what a strange  thing to say I didn't  think any more of it at the time and I didn't  think to ask her why she said that.... So strange ! Perplexing now though and what with the people  around  me consistantly mentioning my size strength  etc blah blah and my gender therapist pointing my masculinity and woman hitting on me ... maybe it's a message from life.... In the end I don't want to look like some hideous  representation  of whatever.... So maybe androgynous  partial FFS... it would  at have to be an improvement  on now..
so when I can bite the bullet  and get the photos ... done I never thought  I would  feel such a repulsion  and shame to doing that ....now I know how many others have felt or feel.. hah this fence is quite comfy..
And the blocker I've  been taking  is working  ...breast tissue  already... Lucky I haven't  taken estrogen  yet.. I new my body would be very responsive... but did not expect  anything  so quick it's weird though one side hurts more than the other..
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 06, 2017, 06:21:05 pm
Even  stranger.... at the wetness last night I joined  a table. with some of my crew and some of the hospitality camp crew tight fit was sitting  next to a gay fella.. he's  not the only one in the camp but he,s open about it
anyway again the conversation  went round to transgender  topic and he told us about how he dated  a transman
a very handsome  one at that too,  that really  got everyones attention  then someone mentioned  something  about me. and girls stuff joking of course and I just laughed  it off....then the gay guy  turns to me and says I think you'd look pretty  dressed up.... Lol😂 well there was a fair bit of booze floating around but we weren't  legless
However it's great t to see how times have changed  and people  Are so much more broad minded
In fact a while ago some knuckle  dragger was slagging of gay fellas at the wetness  and one of the Supervisors
got up and said that there was no problems  with it and if two guys wanted to get together  then fair enough  as their not hurting  anyone... I must admit  I work with a great crew out here in the middle of no where... makes life  much easier  ...these places  your work mates become like family.... we all look out for each other at work... work hard party  hard
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 08, 2017, 05:18:48 pm
Life loves to play games... this morning  at the mess during breakfast  my mate asks me if I had seen the new
Hospitality  girl,  I said no.. he said tall big "t-ts" bolt on,s he said  was a bit crass but we are in the bush and I did see her... and she's  a transgirl very attractive  walks right smiles nice.... she will be popular.... how do I know.... takes one to know one  💐😄hope I get to meet  her.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 11, 2017, 08:13:49 pm
being  curious  I asked my friend  behind the bar who were the 2 dark haired new girls were she didn't  know
and then r the guy who's sweet on me turned up so Michelle asked him as he works in a different  area anyway
he knew and immediately  said oh that's  so and so and she's  a man which made me bristle  somewhat as I see her as female anyway  he's  gay and should know better,  but he's  in the know and said she's  very pretty  and does modelling and has something  like 30000 followers  on instagram  !!
He couldn't  understand. why she's  up here as the money is so low now in their industry  now the boom is over same in my industry  2
Hmm so now I guess  he'll  tell her I was asking  about  them... first time I saw her early in the morning  at breakfast  she sat a.little.way down from me and out of the corner  of my eye I noticed she did a double take look at me. then went back to eating maybe wary of me as look somewhat  intimidating  ho  hum such is life
second time she sat at a table in front of me facing her co worker who is shorter and abit older.... and watching her face I could see some transphobia and a whole lot of envy which is not surprising  as our girl is very very attractive,  tall,  great body and the most beautiful  head of Raven black locks running down her back
anyway they look after another  smaller camp nearby so what with travel and work etc probably  won't see much of her which is a pity though I think I might be shy and over awed in the presence  of such a stellar exsample of success
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 14, 2017, 12:51:49 am
Sooo walking to the mess this morning  this new person cut across in front of me... long black hair tall slim and what I would  describe  as femmine  hips... I couldnt  tell  whether  boy or girl
then at prestart same person there now either they are the most androgynous  person I have ever seen or I could  swear it's a mtf transitioning  as their skin has that soft Hrt hue certainly  that person has the right qualities to make good
Hmm seems  if i won't go to life... life will come to me hmmm what the odds
Maybe life is just taunting  me or maybe I'm  taunting  me
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: SadieBlake on March 15, 2017, 04:19:32 pm
Dunno Markie, I know an awful lot of trans women and men and I have to say I have never read an mtf who essentially passed and I've mistakenly read a couple of cis females as mtf (not that I ever asked, just learned about my wrong estimate as I got to know people over more time and their stories were clearly not those of trans women).

I know you're new to this and that will be bringing it to the forefront of your thinking, I suggest letting it go. People are usually happier being taken at face value. Just my $0.02
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 17, 2017, 08:35:04 am
Yes i agree i go out of way not to be obvious  and i would never want to make anyone uncomfortable
maybe something akin to projection  on my behalf
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 24, 2017, 11:19:29 pm
Met my first Transman the other night , yes up nere in the middle of nowhere 1500kms from perth ,  its been pouring up here so we were in the wetmess  playing up as there would be no work the next day  due to site conditions
Anyway nice guy drank and joked around with us   no haters in our  crew ...its progress  and a win for the lgbt  community  as it becoming  a common sight now  and   every one is totally accepting
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on April 27, 2017, 09:10:22 am
So today was a good day I'm  on r&r  first stop 5th lazer body hair removal , first time at this clinic fantastic  ppricing 449$ for complete body and they did my face for free
Technician  was lovely  over the 2 or so hours we talked about  a variety of topics , eventually  I told her why I was doing the lazer and she said she had thought so as she picked up on it when I had requested  my face be done
Anyway it's great liberating  to be able to talk openly  to someone  you just met
Next stop local needle exchange  it's where I go to get my hrt kits for free and also to see the nurse they have there as she was able to get my last blood tests which show I no longer  have the hep c virus so the treatment  worked,  I had to go through  her as my r&r dates did not coincide  with the hospital  appointment  dates so this was the way to handle that
so today went back to get hep a&b vaccine shots for free so during discussing my test Hrt I mentioned  I was gradually  cutting it down in preparation  for estrogen which then led into me coming out to her... and she remarked  that she had noticed there was something  different  about me first time she met me as I was very masculine  but was softly  spoken and had a peaceful  space about me not a blokey type representation
So we had a nice conversation  I told her about my dramas with  my perception  of the psychs evaluation  of me
and she recommended  I find someone  more positive
as I was leaving  she said she had been observing  me and she could See Me as female and it all made sense   I was so happy  for her comments was high all day  a very positive  experience next stop traditional  Chinese  massage  where they walk up and down your back etc..... Put my back, back it place after a couple  of weeks of
Next stop my fave adult store, got talking to the girl behind  the counter  she spoke of how she likednher job there as she could  be herself and met and had interesting  conversations  with people  so I told her what I was up to
and she was impressed  and very interested in my plans she said she was pan sexual and was was attracted  to people's personalities  not body's looks etc which I am too,  so after a few months of basically  misery the clouds finally evaporated  and now my purpose  is revitalised
I know as a female I look a train wreck but surgery and hormones  will fix that,  so all in a break day came out to 3perfect strangers  and got nothing  but admiration  and positive  affirmations 😹
Oh and I decided to try crossdressing  and during  my online window shopping  I gradually  found how much I love female clothing I really  love it all the different  styles etc
I bought myself  some Goth attire which is my taste... Lol nothing fitted when it arrived bit I sent it back and got some replacements  that did.. Lol me leggings  and a mini skirt  looks good though as long as I out apart bag over my head.... So lookng forward to going to an LGBT night club...final part of wardrobe are a set of custom  made Spanish  boots.... it seems that I am finally Coming out to myself in increments.... I can't describe  how good it feels 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 13, 2017, 05:08:32 am
Wow the lazer is finally working  won't be long now,  then I will start my hrt trial...
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on May 13, 2017, 05:28:00 am
Wow the lazer is finally working  won't be long now,  then I will start my hrt trial...

So you are getting the works...whole body and face? Good to hear you are happy with the results... :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 17, 2017, 09:39:08 am
Yes I'm  impressed  with how effective  it is  after thinking  nothing  was going to happen  yep getting  the works all body and face... Leaving  a landing strip though lol😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 19, 2017, 05:12:05 am
Got directed to a wig shop in Perth,  as I was browsing  their web site one of their chat staff started a dialogue  with me,  I explained  I was male... She asked me of I was a cross dresser or "changing " : ) we had a nice chat.. Then went to the place.... Got  a fitted wig  during this the assistant  was telling me they get a lot of cross dressers and tg people  in there so it was a nice. postive  experience left with some makeup  too
I'm really  starg to warm to wearing. female clothing  ...its not. a fetish.... I. Just seem to like it
Last stop cosmetics  shop to get some black lipstick girl there was really  cool and when I had what I wanted she smiled  and said good luck with that women are so gracious towards me when they realise  what I'm doing
I love women they are so wonderful
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 09, 2017, 01:54:08 am
Met a tg girl told her my story  she strongly  recommended her doc who she said had a great deal of exp  with tg
People,  totally  took me by surprise  ...no dramatics recognized  me instantly,  I just have to make one visit to his recommended psychiatrist get the tick of approval  and then the flood gates will be opened
for me straight  onto transition  dose..... I'm amazed 😀
..me on the way back toned down my macho dress standard  for appointment  😂  a bit I guess
still look like crap. but that will change  now

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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on June 09, 2017, 04:04:39 am
Met a tg girl told her my story  she strongly  recommended her doc who she said had a great deal of exp  with tg
People,  totally  took me by surprise  ...no dramatics recognized  me instantly,  I just have to make one visit to his recommended psychiatrist get the tick of approval  and then the flood gates will be opened
for me straight  onto transition  dose..... I'm amazed 😀
..me on the way back toned down my macho dress standard  for appointment  😂  a bit I guess
still look like crap. but that will change  now

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Markie that is great I am so happy you are moving along in a direction that you are happy with. Its been awhile for you
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 10, 2017, 07:54:13 am
Thx Liz  yes it has mainly, due to me lol but now ive  removed  the  self imposed  blocks
The best thing is no bs with this doc just straight  down the line
He actually said it was a pity I had not been caught at 15yrs old..... When  I got home and thought  about that I shed a  few tears  ,
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on June 10, 2017, 05:32:33 pm
Thx Liz  yes it has mainly, due to me lol but now ive  removed  the  self imposed  blocks
The best thing is no bs with this doc just straight  down the line
He actually said it was a pity I had not been caught at 15yrs old..... When  I got home and thought  about that I shed a  few tears  ,

Every now and then I think about the day I stood in my therapists office at 19 after she told me she thought I had some serious gender issues. I told her nicely (I was still polite in those days) that she had rocks in her head and left to go straight to the Pub...what would have been the outcome if I had stayed and listened to her instead of getting drunk....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 11, 2017, 09:15:06 am
Yes I understand  😕 what the doc said to me was that everyone  has regrets ie the smoker with lung cancer, etc
Being a kiwi myself I understand  what sort of peer pressure  and society  you had to contend with!
At 16 my gf asked me to wear her bikini  I wanted to.... But decided  it was to unmanly and was worried  if it got out  socially,
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on June 11, 2017, 06:18:10 pm
Yes I understand  😕 what the doc said to me was that everyone  has regrets ie the smoker with lung cancer, etc
Being a kiwi myself I understand  what sort of peer pressure  and society  you had to contend with!
At 16 my gf asked me to wear her bikini  I wanted to.... But decided  it was to unmanly and was worried  if it got out  socially,

OMG another ONE!! you from the mainland or north ;D
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 13, 2017, 05:32:17 am
North.... They are a bit more liberal there but not much 😀
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 13, 2017, 05:48:15 am
Busted today lol

Lol busted at airport  ....my big pirate mate has rejoined for work in the bush us anyway he's sitting there with his gf and another work mate...  Shake hands he goes  in his mega phone voice what you wearing  mascara  for?!  then before I have time to answer he says  oh well looks like you had a good time.... Then when we land and all the other crew going out milling  around  at the airport he yells hey check this out he's wearing  eyeliner  or something  lol.... Oh boy am I gonna get hammered  humour wise this week.... I'm just gonna  say er I got drunk  and woke up like this.... Or went to a Goth party or hey I'm transgender  you ain't  seen nothing  yet.... Lol oh boy 😂
Teach me for messing around like this lol

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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on June 13, 2017, 06:52:09 am
OMG that is amazing you look fantastic...I love your makeup...you are way better than I am...I think that Goth look actually suits you...come on lets see some more ;)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 13, 2017, 07:52:33 am
Lol OK I'm at the mine bar with boof heads ATM  ....amazing  what a km of foundation  can do lol
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on June 13, 2017, 08:27:27 am
Lol OK I'm t the mine bar with boot heads ATM  ....amazing  what a km of foundation  can do lol

Its the look in your eyes that I like...devil may care >:-)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 13, 2017, 08:58:35 am
Thank you Liz 😘  🔓 Mmmm it  was my first outing in public  😆
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 13, 2017, 06:52:45 pm
This is my demure  look which one for my psych appointment  I wonder

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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Dena on June 13, 2017, 07:43:27 pm
This is my demure  look which one for my psych appointment  I wonder
That is pretty good. I wasn't sure you could pull it off when I first saw your picture however you are already at the stage where if I were to walk past you on the street, I likely wouldn't read you. More time on HRT holds promise.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 13, 2017, 08:14:51 pm
Thanks Dena... Yes it's makes a difference  hair and makeup  when I start Hrt  and a nose job brow job etc I might just be happy.... thanks for you encouraging : )
Hmm photos have disappeared  ....photo  bucket glitch  I'll have to reload nthem
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on June 14, 2017, 01:16:05 am
This is my demure  look which one for my psych appointment  I wonder


I think you look smashing, You are kicking goals...the one and only picture I had of you in my head was one you had as your avatar I think for awhile... ;)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 14, 2017, 09:19:20 am
Thank you Liz 🌹😊
Well I. May as well use it as my avatar  as probably  the best pic I'll have of me as my real self
It's interesting  but in pursuit  of getting this look I had to out myself  in public  ie go and get fitted for that wig with cis people  about etc buy  make up... but it seems  the more open I become  the easier  it is and
the more natural it feels   and I'm  finding I don't really  care or feel so feel self conscious  as well  I can't wait  to get on hormones, I have to wait 6 weeks or more it seems  for my psych  appointment  .....whew.... I have all the hormones  I need in my fridge... But I want to do this the right way so  I can get recognized  and change my name and gender etc
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on June 14, 2017, 04:52:33 pm
Thank you Liz 🌹😊
Well I. May as well use it as my avatar  as probably  the best pic I'll have of me as my real self
It's interesting  but in pursuit  of getting this look I had to out myself  in public  ie go and get fitted for that wig with cis people  about etc buy  make up... but it seems  the more open I become  the easier  it is and
the more natural it feels   and I'm  finding I don't really  care or feel so feel self conscious  as well  I can't wait  to get on hormones, I have to wait 6 weeks or more it seems  for my psych  appointment  .....whew.... I have all the hormones  I need in my fridge... But I want to do this the right way so  I can get recognized  and change my name and gender etc

Its funny what will eventually drive us to do the things we need to transition. There really is only one way to do this and that is get out there and try. I think with HRT added into the mix you will have great results, not that you don't already. I applaud your patience especially since you have the meds sitting their. Whether or not you can see a glimpse of her or not I don't know but purely from the outside looking in I see  woman slowling climbing her way into the world...you are doing great.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 15, 2017, 08:38:01 am
Thank you  Liz 🌹
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 30, 2017, 09:23:18 am
As requested  Liz 😉 just  messing  around

[Link Removed]
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: eyesk8rboi on June 30, 2017, 10:14:12 am
I am a sentimental person so I think I will "miss" who I used to be....But at the same time, I've taken care to take many pictures and make many memories.

I actually went on a rant to myself about how I wasn't going to look at "Melanie Courtney" as a dead name....And I wasn't going to pretend like the female me never existed.

My view is, (and I know that this way different for a lot of people)....I have been Melanie Courtney for 23 years.

Every boo boo, every lesson learned, every mistake, every kiss, every hug, every family gathering, every everything to this point has made me who I am today and all of that was done as Melanie Courtney. Moving forward, the rest will be done by Steven Lee...
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on June 30, 2017, 05:15:50 pm
As requested  Liz 😉 just  messing  around

[Link Removed]

These two are my favourites out of the photo's, which one do you like the best?...me I would say the first one is the winner for me
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 30, 2017, 10:40:18 pm
I am a sentimental person so I think I will "miss" who I used to be....But at the same time, I've taken care to take many pictures and make many memories.

I actually went on a rant to myself about how I wasn't going to look at "Melanie Courtney" as a dead name....And I wasn't going to pretend like the female me never existed.

My view is, (and I know that this way different for a lot of people)....I have been Melanie Courtney for 23 years.

Every boo boo, every lesson learned, every mistake, every kiss, every hug, every family gathering, every everything to this point has made me who I am today and all of that was done as Melanie Courtney. Moving forward, the rest will be done by Steven Lee...

Food for thought  ,  hadn't  thought  of it like that... always  imagined  one would  be a composite  of both
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 30, 2017, 10:49:16 pm
These two are my favourites out of the photo's, which one do you like the best?...me I would say the first one is the winner for me

Thanks Liz yes I would say the first too  a bit of varnish and lens filter... Does wonders
the first one is 100% human hair  as is there one in the hat and bandanna  I got those off Ali express  website
big savings  on retail  the other 2 are just 16$ cheapies , the difference  in feeling  is like day and night the human hair ones are so light and comfortable and there's the bonus of being being able to style them etc
when the time is right I will look into the glue option... bit not the whole scalp  perhaps just the crown maybe
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: VeronicaLynn on July 02, 2017, 08:33:37 pm
I am a sentimental person so I think I will "miss" who I used to be....But at the same time, I've taken care to take many pictures and make many memories.

I actually went on a rant to myself about how I wasn't going to look at "Melanie Courtney" as a dead name....And I wasn't going to pretend like the female me never existed.

My view is, (and I know that this way different for a lot of people)....I have been Melanie Courtney for 23 years.

Every boo boo, every lesson learned, every mistake, every kiss, every hug, every family gathering, every everything to this point has made me who I am today and all of that was done as Melanie Courtney. Moving forward, the rest will be done by Steven Lee...

I don't like the idea a dead name either. The person who tried to be the boy my family wanted is me, I am not dead. I just want to be called Veronica now, as the name they gave me was all wrong for who I am. I never liked the name, but the things I did while using it were not all bad, I actually had a lot of good times and happy memories.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 21, 2017, 08:24:49 am
Had my assessment  with  gender psychiatrist  today  fantastic  person follows the wpath and one of the prerequisites  is 3 mths counseling  but she took into account  my previous  counseling   so all set to go start in two weeks fingers crossed
As an aside i quit male hrt about 6 weeks ago  and as my own natural  production has been dormant for years its now very low or nonexistent. .. but i feel really good from the rising estrogen  in my system ....looks like estrogen  is the right fuel for me ....so happpy


Oh and one of my early posts i  mentioned about rle before being given hormones .....and  it was confirmed  ...imagine  that ...how cruel
thankfully  thats no longermthe case
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 21, 2017, 09:37:30 pm
Well done on the appointment...one more step completed. Do you have to do RLE before you can get HRT? I thought you were here in Australia....Have I got this mixed up...more than likely LOL, anyway it sucks if you have to do that..
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 21, 2017, 11:50:59 pm
Thanks Liz  :)
Yes well apparently  according to the therapist  ....yes you had to do Rle
before being granted access  to hormones back in the dark ages I think here in Australia as well
I think it would be in a very early wpath doc?
Luckly it's no longer the case as she mentioned  that it could do more damage  than good
So no I don't it just came up in discussion
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 24, 2017, 09:09:54 am
So got my script for progynova  just low dose atm  to see how I go.... my doc is so cool so Happy  for me to transition... Lol  teased me about how I might change alluding  to my chrome, black,  silver Goth, skull fashion.... well it is very butch I certainly get notiiced ...he didn't  want to let on too much as he said it effects  everyone differently but he is certainly  excited  ..me I'm nervous  and excited  too
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 24, 2017, 05:46:42 pm
So got my script for progynova  just low dose atm  to see how I go.... my doc is so cool so Happy  for me to transition... Lol  teased me about how I might change alluding  to my chrome, black,  silver Goth, skull fashion.... well it is very butch I certainly get notiiced ...he didn't  want to let on too much as he said it effects  everyone differently but he is certainly  excited  ..me I'm nervous  and excited  too

Wow what a great milestone...there will be no stopping you...Look out WA. I really hope you get the results you are hoping for.

Congrats

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 25, 2017, 06:28:55 am
Thanks Liz me too 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cindy on July 25, 2017, 06:59:46 am
Thx Liz  yes it has mainly, due to me lol but now ive  removed  the  self imposed  blocks
The best thing is no bs with this doc just straight  down the line
He actually said it was a pity I had not been caught at 15yrs old..... When  I got home and thought  about that I shed a  few tears  ,

Hugs Hon. I know way too well those tears.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 25, 2017, 08:51:04 am
Cindy... thank you.... yes it's not an easy thing  , I'm lost for words atm  but I must say you are inspirational  🌹
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cindy on July 25, 2017, 09:10:06 am
Cindy... thank you.... yes it's not an easy thing  , I'm lost for words atm  but I must say you are inspirational  🌹

I read your posts and I (try to) keep an eye on you and I although I have been having a fun time with my health I have taken delight in seeing you blossom. I loved your sunset photos and I think I may have travelled some of that land of the West (Pilbara?) over 30 years ago.

Love
Cindy
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Michelle_P on July 25, 2017, 04:14:03 pm
Congratulations, Markie!  The changes I have seen in you already, over this past year, are nothing short of remarkable.

 Hey, did you remember that you have your one year anniversary at Susan's Place coming up in 4 days?  Already!

And now getting HRT started!  I look forward to reading about your experience in switching your brand of rocket fuel. :)

Hugs, Michelle P.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 26, 2017, 12:25:15 am
I read your posts and I (try to) keep an eye on you and I although I have been having a fun time with my health I have taken delight in seeing you blossom. I loved your sunset photos and I think I may have travelled some of that land of the West (Pilbara?) over 30 years ago.

Love
Cindy

Yes it is pilbara  Cindy  a place of much rugged beauty I love it up here.... thanks for that 🌞yes it has taken  a while  but with I'm getting  there  so nice for you to take  time. out.... soon I will change my name  here ....
love markie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 26, 2017, 08:15:12 am
Congratulations, Markie!  The changes I have seen in you already, over this past year, are nothing short of remarkable.

 Hey, did you remember that you have your one year anniversary at Susan's Place coming up in 4 days?  Already!

And now getting HRT started!  I look forward to reading about your experience in switching your brand of rocket fuel. :)

Hugs, Michelle P.

Thank you Michelle.... OMG.... Yes it has been I kinda knew but avoided knowing as I took a hit on what I thought was wasted time.... but no it was time I needed  to grow  wouldn't  haven't  happened  without  the input of your self and other stellar ladies  watching  yourself and Liz  and Cindy the courage  ,purpose, determination  along with the  travels of others galvanized  me to make a move. 😊
The right fuel... this will be so interesting...... Two spirits will finally become one 🌞
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 27, 2017, 09:24:06 am
It's  interesting  my new doc.... he,s  so excited  for me.... It was kind of strange  to go from obstructive  gate keeping to being welcomed  with open arms, I kinda understand  his excitement  because he is so Happy  to set people free.. it must be very rewarding  for him/her
when I was doing  my evaluation  with my new psychiatrist  I mentioned  that if I was a therapist  it would be fascinating to watch a male transition  to female.. She heartily agreed and on talking about woman I mentioned  how women were surperior to men as they are the template of life and that's why women make such good transmen because they are the template for human life.... She liked that 😊      Whew so refreshing so much better than banging your head against  a brick wall...
I always  knew my body would lap up estrogen  ...so for my first dose I just took half sure enough next morning    my nipples are  hard and pointy being an ex bodybuilder  I know a bit about hormones ...prob more than the average  gp as I've  used myself as a guinea pig
when I was having  my recent  lazer hair removal  my tech and I were talking about trans issues  and it came around to whether I was going to get Breast implants  I said for sure I said I would go large due to my size in my mind I thought  dd,s but she said to me I could do double F,s ...whoa  I must be bigger than I thought
its that dismorphia  thing again.... well my nickname at work is "Viking " after the techno Viking

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dIUM4LRVsE

it's funny though  my dress code is very loud but I never get any flak about it and it kind of liberates others to do their own thing.. these isolated  small population  camps lend themselves  to some interesting  social experiments 😄

As an aside in 2016 my T was 2126 and is now 473 ng/dl
and my e was 173.5 and is now 6.5 pg/ml
from that I can see that the mind is where it happens  its not just a hormonal desire
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 07, 2017, 12:09:24 am
What I do in the back of beyond 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&noapp=1&v=Pu8xK-2P524

Hmm don't know what happened  to video size?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 08, 2017, 11:54:43 am
So nearly into a moth  of low dose and im  definitely  feeling it and my body is changing  even on low dose the pecs are starting  to morph  pretty  soon I won't be able to wear a singlet at the gym,  my eye lashes have grown considerably, but the most notable  thing is my mind...  I feel calm kinda passive  but if in a confronting situation  I would be calm  rather than aggressive more likely to deal with it intelligently then belligerently,
I feel a kind of warmth towards others and I smile a lot more and seem to connect  with others better
I just feel happier  in myself
One thing I've noticed is that I find men less gross  then before its weird....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 08, 2017, 04:27:09 pm
So nearly into a moth  of low dose and im  definitely  feeling it and my body is changing  even on low dose the pecs are starting  to morph  pretty  soon I won't be able to wear a singlet at the gym,  my eye lashes have grown considerably, but the most notable  thing is my mind...  I feel calm kinda passive  but if in a confronting situation  I would be calm  rather than aggressive more likely to deal with it intelligently then belligerently,
I feel a kind of warmth towards others and I smile a lot more and seem to connect  with others better
I just feel happier  in myself
One thing I've noticed is that I find men less gross  then before its weird....

It is weird how HRT impacts us, For me it was the quietening of my dysphoria that made all the difference...I am glad to hear you are getting such positive results...Got your other pics...I am still writing a reply
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 08, 2017, 04:34:39 pm
What I do in the back of beyond 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&noapp=1&v=Pu8xK-2P524

Hmm don't know what happened  to video size?

Was that you talking right at the end of the vid?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 09, 2017, 01:23:12 am
Was that you talking right at the end of the vid?

Thanks Liz,..., for me too there's been a noticable reduction  of back ground  noise in my mind
Yes that's me talking... I will be seeing  a voice therapist  in future
Plus voice  surgery  in Bangkok... so much to do
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 09, 2017, 03:09:10 am
So the possible  end result of basic ffs for me with forehead  reconstruction I don't know what type
though certainly  better than I expected  and that's without. skin resurfacing  etc
I think  that look will suit my frame... I'll  not be beautiful  nor pretty  but the handsome woman androgynous look will satisfy  me I have a few more to post but I'm  certainly  glad. I got the virtuals  done

Oh damn. How do you get past this pay?

[Link Removed]
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 09, 2017, 04:29:35 am
I use this one https://imgur.com/ (https://imgur.com/) and its free. Don't know about photo bucket
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 09, 2017, 05:17:29 am
Thanks Liz I'll  check it out 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 09, 2017, 09:48:12 am
https://imgur.com/a/EA2W0

Well there were three gifs that showed from original to final as each procedure  was applied  but I haven't  worked out how to load those
Anyway  from hideous  to bearable  with the basics... better than I could  have hoped for 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 10, 2017, 02:37:37 am
Well I have no idea where to postt this so here will do I think ive got the image thing right now
First I have to say I'm  so glad I had Ukffs  do these virtuals Alexandra is very experienced
and as you can read from her assessment  pays attention  to fine details
these virtuals just show the basic FFS procedures applied,  as you can see no make up or skin procedures  which I intend  to have... the wig was superimposed on the image
For me it gives myself and the surgeon  I work with something  to work with as to be quite honest  I could not visualise what an outcome could be and the idea of just going into surgery  in mystery  did not appeal to me
and it also gives me hope where I thought  there was none as I've said before this would suit my frame I'll  not be pretty  or beautiful  but I can have the handsome woman look which will suit my size
Alexandra was very patient  with me... I had an extreme  meltdown  after my psychologists
Clumsy  handling  of me regards my masculine   looks etc... so I was quite erratic
Needless  to say my money was well spent and what I got in return  far exceeded  what I paid
Truly an invaluable  service.

Here is the link to FFS UK site.       


https://www.google.com.au/search?client=ms-android-oppo&ei=HQKuWeLYKsfK0gSo-pO4CA&q=virtual+ffs&oq=virtual+ffs&gs_l=mobile-gws-serp.1.0.0j0i22i30k1l2.28481.39658.0.44822.17.15.0.2.2.0.1007.5134.2-2j5j1j1j1j1.11.0....0...1.1j4.64.mobile-gws-serp..8.9.2293.1..41j46j0i67k1j0i131k1j0i46k1j0i10k1.gaOgHUYKPcI


(https://vgy.me/BilXPc.gif)


(https://vgy.me/R46vZE.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/51C5Yv.gif)

(https://vgy.me/pQGbp7.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/3919DQ.jpg)


Hello Mark.

Please remember that these virtuals are not and could not be 100% accurate but I hope they will give you a good idea of the possibilities and take you a long way towards planning how best to proceed.

Also remember that just like a surgeon, I am fallible and although I take quite an obsessive amount of care over virtuals, I will inevitably make a mistake every so often.

Working from photographs is not the same as seeing a person in real life. Camera lenses can affect the facial proportions to some extent and the lighting in a photograph can also affect how a face looks.

Facial surgery is not an exact science and while I can control the changes I make in Photoshop completely, a surgeon may not be able to control things with quite so much precision in real life.

The eye takes a little while to tune-in to facial changes so you may be disappointed at first glance. It is best to spend a few days getting used to the pictures before you make any decisions.

I have created 4 different versions of your pictures (a) to (d) adding extra procedures for each version. Here is a list of changes in each version:

(a) shows eyebrow plucking, brow bossing removal and rhinoplasty.
(b) includes lip lift, jaw narrowing and reduction, and chin narrowing and rounding.
(c) includes a face and neck lift.
(d) includes hormonal effects and beard removal.

I have also included an extra version of the 3/4 shot (e) with some hair and make-up added to help you visualise the possibilities. I managed to take the wig from one of the of the other pictures you sent me. I hope it gives you a clearer idea of the possibilities.
 

Hair:
Your hair has receded to the point that it is probably not going to be possible to regain a useful head of hair. There are some really good wigs available. Human hair is the best I believe and it is usually worth spending money on a good quality one. A more advanced wig option would be the "Cesare Ragazzi CNC Hair Prosthesis System". I have heard good things about it, but haven't seen it myself in real life. I suspect it is expensive and you have to visit one of their specialists every few weeks to have it reattached. Here is a video about it, but beware - this is clearly an advertisement so watch it sceptically and do your own research to confirm that the system is as good as they say.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhFld7jj_4A

There are some experiments going on at the moment into curing baldness and these may be an option in a few years time. Here are a couple of links:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/29/business/baldness-battle-fought-in-the-follicle.html?_r=0

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7431092.stm


Forehead:
The forehead is by far the most important area in facial gender. The male forehead usually has a bony ridge running across it at about eyebrow level called brow bossing, It also tends to have vertical ridges either side of the forehead ("temporal ridges") and often has a bump on either side of the upper forehead ("frontal eminences"). The female forehead is smoother and flatter with less pronounced ridges and bumps, and it usually has either no bossing, or very little bossing.

In your case there is no strong ridge of bossing - it's more a case of your whole forehead being somewhat projected. This means that from the front you don't see a strong ridge, but from the side, you can see that your forehead stands well forwards of your eyes making them a little deep-set.

I have set the bossing area back and taken a little off the upper forehead to but because your bossing does not look strong, the effect looks fairly subtle. I have also opened out your orbits to give you a more open, feminine expression. This is done by removing a little bone from the underside of the orbital rim.

You also have frontal eminences. These can be smoothed down as part of the forehead feminisation and I have simulated the effect.

I generally recommend that people find a surgeon who can do a forehead reconstruction which sets the bone over the frontal sinus back. The other method, where the bone is only ground down, can be very limited as most people have quite thin bone here. According to one study, the thinnest part is, on average only between 2.6 and 2.9 mm thick. It is difficult to know how thick a patient's sinus wall is in advance, even if you take an xray.

One thing to keep in mind is that forehead surgery requires a long incision - usually from ear to ear over the top of the head. This scar would be visible if you were not wearing a wig or hat. Facial Team, who I collaborate with are able to put the incision round the back of the head where there is usually good hair to hide it under. It would still be visible if your head is shaved of course.

It is easy to get confused about forehead surgery and the various options, so I recommend that you have a read through my web page on the forehead:

http://www.virtualffs.co.uk/Forehead.html


Frown Lines:
You have some vertical frown lines between your eyebrows. Reducing vertical lines is rejuvenating but it's also feminising because it softens your expression. I have simulated the effect. The lines may be reduced by the lifting of the forehead soft tissues during forehead surgery, and can be further reduced temporarily with botox. For a more permanent botox effect you can have the surgeon work on the underlying muscles during a brow lift or forehead feminisation surgery. However, like botox, this does reduce the lines but may also limit movement of the muscles to some degree.


Eyebrow height:
Your eyebrows sit in medium position. They will lift a little with forehead surgery and I have simulated the effect. The lift that comes with brow bossing removal tends to be reasonably subtle, but it does help to emphasise a more open, feminine expression.


Eyebrow shape:
Women tend to have thinner eyebrows than men. Yours are a little thick so I have plucked them, mostly along the underside to give them a thinner and more feminine shape. This also increases the distance between your eyes and eyebrows and that has a feminising effect. The natural underlying shape of your eyebrows is really good.


Eyes:
I don't see any problems with your eyes or the soft tissues around them. You have large eyes in proportion to your face - this is feminine and a good asset.


Nose profile view:
From the side, your nose is somewhat large and the bridge of your nose is humped. The hump is not technically a masculinity, but removing it to give the bridge a straight profile will have a feminising effect. I have lowered the bridge to reduce the size and remove the hump. Removing the hump will also cause the tip to lift a little as I have simulated. This also has a feminising effect.


Nose frontal view:
From the front your nose is already good. You should see a slight narrowing of the upper bridge and a slight lift to the tip in the simulation.


Nostrils:
The width and height of your nostrils is fine. You do not need to make any adjustments.


Cheek bones:
I don't see any problems with your cheekbones, and I don't recommend any changes.


Apple of the cheeks:
The apple of your cheeks (the soft part) would become fuller and rounder on hormones and I have simulated this for you. It is impossible to predict exactly how the hormones will affect you (everyone's different) but I've given you an idea of the kind of change you can expect.


Naso-labial folds:
These are the creases that come down from the corners of your nose and they tend to get a little deeper as we age. They are gender-neutral and have no masculinising effect.

Yours are completely normal and you don't need to worry about them. I only mention them because some surgeons recommend filling them, even in cases where they are not at all deep or are barely visible. All that would do is make your surgery more expensive.


Upper lip to nose distance:
The distance between the top lip and the nose tends to be shorter in women, and they also tend to show some of their upper teeth when their mouth is open and relaxed.

Your lip to nose distance is long and you don't show any upper teeth when your mouth is open. I have given you a lip lift to correct this. This procedure is both feminising and rejuvenating but it does leave a small scar at the base of the nose.


Lip fullness:
Your lips are quite thin. You could fill them a little if you wanted to for a mildly feminising effect but it would probably be best to see how the lip lift looks before you make any additional adjustments. I have not tried to simulate lip filling on top of the lip lift.

I recommend non-permanent fillers at first so that you can see the effect. If you like it, you could consider a fat transfer which can become permanent after a few sessions. I also recommend that you take a fairly subtle approach because over filled lips do not look good.


Chin height and shape:
I think the height of your chin is about right but the shape is wide and square. I have shaved off the corners to give it a narrower and more rounded and feminine shape.
 

Chin projection:
Your chin projection is good so you do not need to move it forwards or backwards.


Chin soft tissues:
Some people have very thin soft tissue on the chin. This means that the chin bone shows through well and so will any changes you make to the bone. Other people have very thick soft tissues on the chin. This means that the chin bone is hidden under a thick blanket of tissue and that can make it more difficult to see any changes to the bone structure. It is not possible for me to know how thick the soft tissues are from your pictures so I have adjusted your pictures on the assumption that the thickness is average. Just keep in mind that it is possible that the result would be more limited in real life if your soft tissues are thick.


Jaw:
Your jaw area is a little difficult to analyse. It looks like your jaw is wide and heavy. However you appear to be extremely muscular and that makes it likely that your chewing muscles are large. This can add a lot of width to the jaw. It is also possible that your soft tissues are quite think here. If the soft tissue is thick, it can make it difficult to see ay changes to the underlying bone.

The technique used to narrow the rear of your jaw would depend on whether the width is due to bone or muscle or both. If it is muscle then botox is a good and non-invasive way of reducing it. This is much safer, much cheaper and much less painful than trying to reduce the muscle surgically. If the width is due to bone then you would need surgery to reduce it. If the width is due to both muscle and bone, then you might need a combination of both. However, the chewing muscles will reduce on their own if some of the bone is reduced.

Estrogen reduces muscle mass all over the body so if you have large chewing muscles, you may see a notable reduction in the size of your chewing muscles. Wait at least a year on a full dose of estrogen to see the effect.

I have narrowed and reduced your jaw but because of the uncertain elements, there is some guesswork involved. You may find that in real life the reduction is greater once all the effects of hormones, bone reduction and lifting come together.


Chin and jaw surgery incisions:
Some surgeons work on the jaw and chin by making external incisions. This is completely unnecessary and leaves very visible scars. The best place to make the incisions is inside the mouth - this means that the scars will be invisible.


Adam's apple:
You have a visible adam's apple and I have simulated a tracheal shave to reduce it for you.

There are two ways of approaching the adam's apple when you do a tracheal shave. The old-fashioned method involves putting the incision right on the adam's apple. There are 2 problems with this - firstly it leaves the scar in a very noticeable position, and secondly. you can get adhesions where the scar tissue sticks to the adam's apple. That means that the skin can be tugged in an unnatural way when your adam's apple moves, such as when you are talking or singing.

The more modern method involves putting the incision under the chin and then tunnelling down towards the adam's apple. This means that the scar is in a much less noticeable place, and you avoid the adhesion problem. I strongly recommend that you find a surgeon who uses the under-chin approach.

However, there is a chance that what looks like an adam's apple in the pictures, might only be loose soft tissue.

 
Hormones:
I have simulated hormonal effects for you - mainly narrowing the jaw a little and filling the cheeks but they also soften and feminise the skin texture.

Simulating the skin softening is difficult and there is a lot of guesswork involved but I have made a cautious simulation on the effect for you.

These changes can be very powerful, especially when combined with beard removal.


Face lift:
I have given you a lower face and neck lift. This procedure is more about rejuvenation than feminisation but having said that, younger faces do tend to look more feminine than older ones for various reasons. There are various benefits like tightening up the cheeks, giving a nice definition to your jaw line, reducing the naso-labial folds and tightening up the soft tissues of the neck.

It is very important to have any lifting done after jaw/chin surgery and not before or during. This is because jaw and chin surgery cause a lot of swelling and this works against the lifting. It is also impossible to know in advance how much swelling you will experience or how well your soft tissues will re-adapt to the new bone and that means it is not possible to know exactly how much to lift. It is best to wait a few months for the swelling to go down, and then you can see clearly exactly what needs to be done with the soft tissues. Some surgeons will offer to do both jaw/chin surgery and lifting at the same time. I advise against it.


Beard:
I have reduced your beard shadow for you. Beard removal can be achieved with electrolysis and/or laser. People have mixed results with laser but there are many different types.  Laser does not work on grey, white or very light hairs. Electrolysis is also an option either for a complete beard, or just for the pale hairs that are left after laser. As far as I know, "galvanic" electrolysis is less likely to cause scarring.


Priorities:
Your facial structure is not strongly masculine. What gives you a masculine look is more to do with the shaved head, beard shadow and heavy musculature. That's why you look so good in the make-over pictures. I think the forehead, nose upper lip, jaw and chin changes are all useful feminisation for you. But of course, it is just as important to focus on the secondary changes - hormonal effects, beard removal, eyebrow plucking, wig etc.


A good way to view your pictures is to use photo viewing software like Windows Photo Viewer. This will allow you to jump from the before to the after/s and back again by using the arrow buttons on your keyboard. However, you might have to rename the pictures if you want them to flow in a different order.

If you have “Photoshop” or “Photoshop Elements” you can load up a before and after picture at the same time and then by holding down “Ctrl” and pressing “F6” you can flick between the two. This often works for other photo software too.

I have improved the photographic qualities of your pictures (contrast, focus, colour balance etc.) so I am sending you copies of the before shots with the same improvements to make them easier to compare with the after shots.

The pictures are yours so feel free to share them and the assessment with any support groups you are member of if you want some second opinions. Do take prints to your consultations with surgeons or email them in advance - most surgeons welcome them.

Please email me to confirm that the pictures have arrived. If you have any questions about your pictures and your assessment please feel free to email me.

Let me know if you want any surgeon recommendations.

You can find out more about facial gender and FFS by reading through my website.

Please note that I regularly collaborate with Dr Simon and Dr Capitán of Facial Team. Some of the procedures I simulate are based on my discussions of surgical technique with them and on watching them operate. However, not all surgeons take the same approach, and not all surgeons have the level of skill required for all the changes I simulate.

The changes described in this assessment and illustrated in the pictures represent my opinion as an artist. You and/or your surgeon/s may disagree with my opinions. I cannot guarantee that my opinion is good or that the pictures are accurate so if you act according to my opinion, you do so at your own risk.

Thank you very much for entrusting me with your virtual FFS - I very much hope the pictures are helpful.

If you are pleased with my service, please consider writing a short testimonial for me that I could put on my website. It could be a single line or several lines. You can be completely anonymous if you prefer, or just use an initial. A location is useful but it doesn't have to be any more specific than listing what country you are from. It's entirely up to you though so please do not feel any obligation to write one or even to give a reason for not writing one.

Good luck and best wishes,

Alexandra.





Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 11, 2017, 01:23:19 am
Saw my gender therapist  today got my documentation  she was very interested  in the FFS virtuals  and noted it down for her other clients  , before  hand  I had been sitting  in the waiting room and when it was time came in used my female name and at the end took me out to reception  and refered to me as she.... all in very pleasant
Then saw my doc handed my letter over... Which basically  said I'm normal 😊
and to go forward so now my Hrt dose has been upped and Spiro  thrown into the mix as well I mentioned  I did not want all my test wiped out as some is needed for good health.. his response  was that females have almost nil  and that it comes from some conversion i  of fat ??? Ill  keep my eye on it....
He also acknowledged that he reaslises  that I am someone who is used to looking after themselves but to allow him to diagnose me,  that's okay he is actually  interested in my well being its quite obvious....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 12, 2017, 12:29:52 am
Saw my gender therapist  today got my documentation  she was very interested  in the FFS virtuals  and noted it down for her other clients  , before  hand  I had been sitting  in the waiting room and when it was time came in used my female name and at the end took me out to reception  and refered to me as she.... all in very pleasant
Then saw my doc handed my letter over... Which basically  said I'm normal 😊
and to go forward so now my Hrt dose has been upped and Spiro  thrown into the mix as well I mentioned  I did not want all my test wiped out as some is needed for good health.. his response  was that females have almost nil  and that it comes from some conversion i  of fat ??? Ill  keep my eye on it....
He also acknowledged that he reaslises  that I am someone who is used to looking after themselves but to allow him to diagnose me,  that's okay he is actually  interested in my well being its quite obvious....

Oh Wow how cool is that...you must be over the moon about this.

Its good that he is going to take care of you. Having someone looking out for your health during this HRT start up period is probably going to be a really positive thing...

Congratulations and I hope it goes well
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 12, 2017, 07:43:25 am
Yes Liz it is a total turn around.... Kinda  unreal... 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 13, 2017, 03:19:16 am
This honeymoon with Hrt is full of surprises apart from  the calmness  I feel,  I have to actually  consciously speak up up now otherwise I come across to quietly,  but the strangest  thing is random woman come up to me to ask me questions  or  get a closer look at me and flirt and when I've got my Goth kilt on, boots etc, makeup I get slot of admiration  from females even if their with there boyfriends  ....i guess that masculine wall I spent so much time building  is coming  down brick by brick
Though the visceral aggression  is gone... which worried  me a bit in its place is a calm sort of calculating intention  instead,  when I take up Thai boxing  again and crav maga it will be useful as rather than reacting I'll  be clear minded which means better judgement 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on August 13, 2017, 03:54:46 am
Hi Markie,

  It sounds like you are already getting some good fringe benefits from your HRT. Good for you. I love seeing things start working for someone. I've got to get around to reading your back story but 62 pages is a huge amount. sigh
Someday.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 13, 2017, 04:02:03 am
Hi Markie,

  It sounds like you are already getting some good fringe benefits from your HRT. Good for you. I love seeing things start working for someone. I've got to get around to reading your back story but 62 pages is a huge amount. sigh
Someday.

 Hugs,
   Laurie

Thanks Laurie 😊  yes fringe benefits  it's good.... omg  62 pages.... Yes I know what you mean I went a fair way back through Lizs  it quite a job back threading....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 22, 2017, 09:09:56 am
6 weeks or so have passed .... i knew my body would react  well to estrogen but I wasn't  prepared for how quickly the changes are occurring  up top thi gs are heading north fairly rapidly it wont be long before  i will no longer be able to wear a singlet to the gym.
I was somewhat startled at how downstairs  reacted and a bit worried , but then i found it just doesn't  happen on demand anymore but rather when i,m in the mood and basically  dry orgasms,i dont mind as i dont miss the mess lol.
At work i think people realize somethings happening but for them its more of a  case of perplexment like when you see something  out of the corner of your eye and look and then its gone  but i get a few people doing a double take on me
and a couple of guys have groped me lol its a subconscious  thing  as with male hrt my body is pumping out pheromones  which is confusing some guys ,awkward  moment at the wetmess when the guy sitting next to me decided to suddenly  demonstrate how someother guy had groped a girl at the bar luckily  i had an a4 sheet of paper in my pocket otherwise he would have definitely  noticed ...
I am amazed  at how my thinking  and emotions have changed,  it seems I am much warmer towards others
more willing to listen  and people who used to ignore me now smile at me overall  I connect  bette especially  with woman, others are more playful and cheeky towards me...  I think before many were intimidated  by me due to my size etc but I've dropped  8 pounds of muscle now.
The doc was quite amused about the groping incidents but he wants me to stop lifting weights  and just run instead.. when I objected he said we are trying  to feminise  you.... Well my strength  has dropped where I could beach press 220 pounds 30 times straight  without  pause I now can only manage  3 sets of ten ie 10 then rest then another ten etc
But overall I feel really  good like life is worth living  now.
 and little things like  my eye lashes   growing..and darkning . it almost looks like I have mascara  on top and bottom   are so rewarding  ...ha wish my hair would follow suit
Looks like this is the right fuel for me


Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on September 22, 2017, 09:11:51 pm
Hi Markie,

 Yep been awhile, I can say that Susan's is my home I think. I don't have much interaction opportunity with men here in my room. I look around and only see me. I imagine that it's fun for you though. I think I can say I'm not angry like I used to be but yes I still can get upset over petty BS from the management here at my apartments. My emotions have change for sure. It feels at times that anything can make me cry and frequently does. My lab people at the VA and my electrolysis tell me to drink lots of water not leak it.
  Oh well it does sound like you are doing well with the hrt and enjoying it. I'm happy for you.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 23, 2017, 01:06:29 am
Hi Laurie well.... as far as interaction  with men goes our work force is about 95% men and we are on site for 2weeks at a time before flying  home on r&r....it used to be four weeks on site but now due to economic  circumstances it's less.. time on site... which means less money... but the wages have followed  suit as well
up here you have no choice   but to interact as work,eat and play together
my pyschiatrist  recommended  I set some boundaries  to stop that horse play,  I'm not particularly  attracted to men I prefer females , when I'm at home I basi  keep to myself  as I always have.. im  quite  happy to sit at home nursing a drink or 2 or 3 listening  to music or watching TV with my cats lolling  beside me on the couch I guess my most social interaction  is when I go to the gym or at work
but at work we are a team.. he's dangerous  work and we watch over each  other... so in some ways it'sike an extended  family I've been lucky this time the whole crew is composed  of really great people  never worked with such an awesome  crew unfortunately  the job will end in another 2 months.. I had been hop  it would last long enough  so that someone would finally  clock me at the wetness which is when I'd make my statement
as like Barbie says "just do it! "
 and as Ashley  says " Onward we go "
I haven't had any crying binges yet but over the years in order to survive  I've developed  a fairly thick skin and I also trained myself not to show emotion  or flinch
Since starting  this Hrt I have noticed as mellow as I can be I also have a mercurial temper and a couple of time I have cut loose... Caught me by surprise  ...I'll  have to watch that but even so though I thought I might become  timid and shy... It's completely  opposite ...seems like no fear
Still it's early days... my doc is amused he says I have... no idea? whats coming.. he said my body was made for her... hmm I almost  feel like he thinks I'm some sort of dolly to dress up etc 😂😂😂
I am on a low dose of Lexapro so perhaps that stabilises me
thanks Laurie 😊

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on September 24, 2017, 05:31:09 am
6 weeks or so have passed .... i knew my body would react  well to estrogen but I wasn't  prepared for how quickly the changes are occurring  up top thi gs are heading north fairly rapidly it wont be long before  i will no longer be able to wear a singlet to the gym.
I was somewhat startled at how downstairs  reacted and a bit worried , but then i found it just doesn't  happen on demand anymore but rather when i,m in the mood and basically  dry orgasms,i dont mind as i dont miss the mess lol.
At work i think people realize somethings happening but for them its more of a  case of perplexment like when you see something  out of the corner of your eye and look and then its gone  but i get a few people doing a double take on me
and a couple of guys have groped me lol its a subconscious  thing  as with male hrt my body is pumping out pheromones  which is confusing some guys ,awkward  moment at the wetmess when the guy sitting next to me decided to suddenly  demonstrate how someother guy had groped a girl at the bar luckily  i had an a4 sheet of paper in my pocket otherwise he would have definitely  noticed ...
I am amazed  at how my thinking  and emotions have changed,  it seems I am much warmer towards others
more willing to listen  and people who used to ignore me now smile at me overall  I connect  bette especially  with woman, others are more playful and cheeky towards me...  I think before many were intimidated  by me due to my size etc but I've dropped  8 pounds of muscle now.
The doc was quite amused about the groping incidents but he wants me to stop lifting weights  and just run instead.. when I objected he said we are trying  to feminise  you.... Well my strength  has dropped where I could beach press 220 pounds 30 times straight  without  pause I now can only manage  3 sets of ten ie 10 then rest then another ten etc
But overall I feel really  good like life is worth living  now.
 and little things like  my eye lashes   growing..and darkning . it almost looks like I have mascara  on top and bottom   are so rewarding  ...ha wish my hair would follow suit
Looks like this is the right fuel for me

Hi Markie

I have been a bit preoccupied of late sorting out some stuff sorry I missed this and I think I owe you an email...sorry :) . Sounds to me this HRT stuff it really starting to make an impression. I am so glad you are happy with the results. Dunno how I would feel about the groping...I do now but maybe not 6 weeks into it...I saw your response to Laurie and Just wanted to say I am happy to see you feeling good. That gal is pushing her way out  ;) it wont be long and I am sure you will find the right time to tell your crew but who knows may not have to tell them. take care
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 24, 2017, 11:56:13 pm
Hi Liz that's okay about the email, well you know you're  right maybe I won't have to say anything... I think that it maybe  obvious once I have my FFS.... I dont feel the need to reveal  myself  ill  probably  stick to my androgynous  dress code... in some ways I guess I'm a tomboy  lol... if that is so that and being lesbian should smooth my path at work.... my major  concern is getting  work which is where androgyny  will help.... I hope 😅
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 27, 2017, 01:34:50 am
Got my latest hormone  results back
Estrogen  sitting  at  63 Pg/ml  which is a bit lower than a healthy female  so I need to up that I think if my body is to be femminsed
Test is 0.5 nmol/l or 14 ng/dl which is a healthy female range just as well I did not kill it off with spiro!!
Other then that I feel great 😄I think  estrogen  is the fuel for me just need more
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on September 27, 2017, 02:13:43 am
Got my latest hormone  results back
Estrogen  sitting  at  63 Pg/ml  which is a bit lower than a healthy female  so I need to up that I think if my body is to be femminsed
Test is 0.5 nmol/l or 14 ng/dl which is a healthy female range just as well I did not kill it off with spiro!!
Other then that I feel great 😄I think  estrogen  is the fuel for me just need more

 Hi Markie,

  My Estradiol wasn't much at the 9 month mark. My reading was 72.2 pg/mL which was much lower than the time before which was at about 6 months in 158.4 pg/mL. I believe the main difference was the time between taking a dose and being tested. The most recent (72.2) was taken in the mid morning with my last dose having been taken around 10pm the night before. Whereas the were only s few hours between the time of dosage and testing with the 158.4 reading.

  My GP would like to see readings above 200. I think it odd that I have seen no guidance for when test should be taken after taking the  estradiol as the readings vary wildly based on time after taking the medication.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 27, 2017, 03:02:04 am
Hi Laurie that's interesting.....  yes true about when timing and tests.... I feel  that estrogen has to be a lot higher
in order to femminise  the body  I've had mine sky  high through homeostatsis and all I got was a bit of lactation...
maybe the delivey  method makes a difference  I'm  going to see about injections as so much is lost through ingestion  ...maybe 5 % makes it into the blood stream and about 25% sublingual so missing  out a massive  75%
in some ways lucky with my low t production, but that came about after years of male Hrt which shut down my own t,  some t is needed it's not good to wipe it out,  I'm aiming for genetic  female  numbers 😊
I think the way to go is high until feminisation  occurs then back off to a maintainer dose
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 27, 2017, 11:18:35 pm


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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Charlie Nicki on September 27, 2017, 11:39:56 pm
I read a post by carlyMcx
On how after starting hrt several weeks in she when looking at photos of her old self
She would cry at losing him

That happened to me. Didn't get to cry but did feel super sad about losing him.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 28, 2017, 12:42:51 am
That happened to me. Didn't get to cry but did feel super sad about losing him.

Yes I am starting  to go through  that mentally  ....not enough physical  change as yet.. though my work colleagues  on the bus remarked  at how much weight I've lost around the face...
but I thInk I will miss him.... this is so strange...
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Charlie Nicki on September 28, 2017, 12:53:48 am
Yes I am starting  to go through  that mentally  ....not enough physical  change as yet.. though my work colleagues  on the bus remarked  at how much weight I've lost around the face...

I totally feel you. I still look like a man yet I look like a completely different man than I did 7 months ago. I lost weight and my beard. But I can't wait to move forward even if sometimes I feel nostalgia of the old me.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 28, 2017, 01:15:41 am
Yes I know what you mean.... sometimes  I lose heart but then when I look in the mirror... and see the first slightest bits of feminisation  occurring  I feel better
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on September 30, 2017, 09:36:54 pm
Yes I am starting  to go through  that mentally  ....not enough physical  change as yet.. though my work colleagues  on the bus remarked  at how much weight I've lost around the face...
but I thInk I will miss him.... this is so strange...
Hey Markie

I don't miss him...I bought bits of him with me into my current life but he is having a well deserved rest ...I don't know that he will ever be completely gone :eusa_silenced:...but then that doesn't bother me like it used too.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 02, 2017, 12:01:59 am
Hey Markie

I don't miss him...I bought bits of him with me into my current life but he is having a well deserved rest ...I don't know that he will ever be completely gone :eusa_silenced:...but then that doesn't bother me like it used too.

That's a good way to look at it Liz,  without him/me this would never have happened,  I must admit  im  somewhat  missing the notoriety he had and the strength  !!! well once these hormones  kick in proper and I have cosmetic  surgery  and some well placed tattoos I'm sure I'll  match or elcipse  his noteirty 😂 😈
I feel kinda bad for all the people who championed me... it's hard to explain  with out sounding  like I've got tickets on self....
PS Luv your latest avatar... those bangs suit you 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on October 02, 2017, 12:39:12 am
That's a good way to look at it Liz,  without him/me this would never have happened,  I must admit  im  somewhat  missing the notoriety he had and the strength  !!! well once these hormones  kick in proper and I have cosmetic  surgery  and some well placed tattoos I'm sure I'll  match or elcipse  his noteirty 😂 😈
I feel kinda bad for all the people who championed me... it's hard to explain  with out sounding  like I've got tickets on self....
PS Luv your latest avatar... those bangs suit you 😊

I have give credit to Cindy for showing me an alternative way of thinking about it.  I have no doubt you will get your notoriety back being Trans in your industry will give you that anyway LOL With everything you have planned I am sure you will look great. If all those people had not championed you , you may never have made it here...

Thanks for the compliment...Girls gotta work with what she's been dealt. :D
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 04, 2017, 01:09:51 am
True you are right again 😉
Ah the being caught  out with eye liner saga Continues ...got bailed up by three of my work mates who were teasing me and one of them blurted out "your not a cross dresser are you? " (did I detect a tone of hope there 😂)
later on I realised he had probably  meant transsexual.
And the other night it was my big pirate mates send off as he was leaving the job..
We were all at the wetness about 40 people from my crew at one big long table and I was facing him and my inquisitor mate  and in his big booming voice he starts teasing me and so does the other guy everyone is in various  states of Inebriation....and I'm in the spot light I tried to get out of it by saying  he was mistaken and it was my Peyelashs as they have lengthened and got a lot darker.... but nothing  doing they kept going ....so I just looked at them .....and then I started to blush.. something  I haven't  done since I was 16...black beard spots it and in unison  he and the other guy declare loudly "look hes  turning red " and the whole table erupts in gales of laughter ...but it was jovial not mocking  soon forgotten  as the party kicked off to another  level.... I guess im  very lucky to be working with such a great bunch of people... rough diamonds... 😆
This Hrt is without doubt changing my mind set and status,  my doc said its as if a wall has come down
and people who ne er used to talk to me are now quite  chatty,  but I recall  in the past where I've had 2 guys come up to me and say that they had wanted to speak to me but sere basically worried I would hit them.. that's what the first one said and he was somewhat drunk that was before Hrt and the second just recently...
I must have been more imposing  then I thought....
Since Hrt things are much better better communication  and I actually  feel like part of the community
much better connection  with women too
downside is I  get  checked  out by some guys  but I also get treated  better too
Whew Dena told me it would  be a wild ride.... and it is and this is early  days
Ive  caught a couple of red necks scopeing me out and ive  just looked away then quickly  looked back at them
hard... they back off and I'm  not worried  as I know how to handle myself 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on October 04, 2017, 05:48:53 am
 I enjoyed reading your post Markie. I cannot imagine myself being in a situation anything like you were in and your attitude and thoughts concerning it are just so good to read. Your life is so vastly different than mine. Not much of asocial life in my bedroom where I spend my days. But then it suits me because I've never been comfortable in groups.  You keep up that good attitude and I'll share it with you from here. lol.
  You're doing good Markie keep it up.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 04, 2017, 09:12:21 am
Thank you Laurie 😊
Well you know I was never comfortable  in groups either  but lately  I've  come to terms with my mortality and so I realised I have nothing  to lose and everything  thing to gain,  so I just do what I want... on a gradient though at work that is but when I'm in the city  I dress as I want im  not as femme looking as yourself so I content myself with Goth androgynous  looks,  it's still pretty  out there though but what I've  found is that if you are overt and blatant  the general public gives way...  they are all so homogenised that they can do nothing  , I don't know where you live but maybe you can venture out bit by bit and slowly  desensitise  your self? I guess  it's easy for me to say
as working in this industry  you have to have a thick skin and stood sense of humour and also I'm not full time
But being non binary I'm qui  happy with the androgynous  presentation  and it is what I will pursue
thanks 🌹
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on October 04, 2017, 07:54:08 pm
True you are right again 😉
Ah the being caught  out with eye liner saga Continues ...got bailed up by three of my work mates who were teasing me and one of them blurted out "your not a cross dresser are you? " (did I detect a tone of hope there 😂)
later on I realised he had probably  meant transsexual.
And the other night it was my big pirate mates send off as he was leaving the job..
We were all at the wetness about 40 people from my crew at one big long table and I was facing him and my inquisitor mate  and in his big booming voice he starts teasing me and so does the other guy everyone is in various  states of Inebriation....and I'm in the spot light I tried to get out of it by saying  he was mistaken and it was my Peyelashs as they have lengthened and got a lot darker.... but nothing  doing they kept going ....so I just looked at them .....and then I started to blush.. something  I haven't  done since I was 16...black beard spots it and in unison  he and the other guy declare loudly "look hes  turning red " and the whole table erupts in gales of laughter ...but it was jovial not mocking  soon forgotten  as the party kicked off to another  level.... I guess im  very lucky to be working with such a great bunch of people... rough diamonds... 😆
This Hrt is without doubt changing my mind set and status,  my doc said its as if a wall has come down
and people who ne er used to talk to me are now quite  chatty,  but I recall  in the past where I've had 2 guys come up to me and say that they had wanted to speak to me but sere basically worried I would hit them.. that's what the first one said and he was somewhat drunk that was before Hrt and the second just recently...
I must have been more imposing  then I thought....
Since Hrt things are much better better communication  and I actually  feel like part of the community
much better connection  with women too
downside is I  get  checked  out by some guys  but I also get treated  better too
Whew Dena told me it would  be a wild ride.... and it is and this is early  days
Ive  caught a couple of red necks scopeing me out and ive  just looked away then quickly  looked back at them
hard... they back off and I'm  not worried  as I know how to handle myself 😉

Hi Markie

Loved this post...

I think you did well to handle it the way you did and this increased attention is only going to get worse once you complete your proposed treatments. Although from what you have told me the seem to be a great bunch of people you work with but I guess you have to be fairly thick skinned just to survive without throwing being Trans into the mix.

Sounds to me the HRT is really agreeing with you in a number of ways I hope you keep feeling well. Stay well
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 04, 2017, 09:23:46 pm
Thanks Liz yes a thick skin is a requirement,  I've  found the best way to deal with things is humour.... laugh with them... take it on the chin 😊 but have boundaries
true the Hrt has really  helped me mentally  I feel as if this was the way I was always  meant to be
it like I am on a slow moving  train and I still have time to step off before it gathers speed but I don't want to
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on October 05, 2017, 12:35:22 am

   
Quote
femme looking as yourself

  Thank you Markie. I think you are the first and only one to have used those words to describe me. I certainly never thought of it for myself. I wish I felt femme. Call me corny, but I do wish I could have been a pretty young princess so many years ago. Now I'd be doing good as the evil step mother or the three witches in Macbeth.

   "By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes"
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 05, 2017, 04:11:15 am
Your welcome  Laurie..... I understand  what you mean about  not feeling  femme I guess its a case of 50 years of social indoctrination  ??? amongst a myriad  of other things
ah yes if only I could  have the body I wanted too... a petite blond instead of the hulking brute... I must see it as karma and a challenge

........
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 12, 2017, 05:51:04 am
Well.... had my first distinctly uncomfortable  experience... I was sitting  in a corner of the wet mess having drinks with work mates...the way the seating was there was no where else for them to look but at me one of them started  to look  confused  and fearful  then the female gym coach came around  as she was selling raffle  tickets when she looks into my eyes when  looked up and said I didn't want any as she looked at me her smile went to I guess confusion.. perhaps disbelief  my mate soon left....
Also on the bus back from work I was sitting  at the back and 3 of my colleagues  were there as well.... I started to notice how much they stank..... literally  reeked  and also their conversation  was loud essentially  they disgusted me I felt like hitting them....
there are some tshirts I cannot wear now.....
I'm  getting  annoyed  with guys staring at me
I can tolerate  the looks in the sShopping Centre from various females maybe it's the earings I have in or just my dress code?
I'm used to men looking away and down from me respectfully and fearful even the tough guys...
Whew.... how the mighty  fall.....

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on October 12, 2017, 06:05:24 am
Well.... had my first distinctly uncomfortable  experience... I was sitting  in a corner of the wet mess having drinks with work mates...the way the seating was there was no where else for them to look but at me one of them started  to look  confused  and fearful  then the female gym coach came around  as she was selling raffle  tickets when she looks into my eyes when  looked up and said I didn't want any as she looked at me her smile went to I guess confusion.. perhaps disbelief  my mate soon left....
Also on the bus back from work I was sitting  at the back and 3 of my colleagues  were there as well.... I started to notice how much they stank..... literally  reeked  and also their conversation  was loud essentially  they disgusted me I felt like hitting them....
there are some tshirts I cannot wear now.....
I'm  getting  annoyed  with guys staring at me
I can tolerate  the looks in the sShopping Centre from various females maybe it's the earings I have in or just my dress code?
I'm used to men looking away and down from me respectfully and fearful even the tough guys...
Whew.... how the mighty  fall.....

Life changes in so many ways when you transition, peoples attitudes change towards you, some for good some not so. Maybe what you are experiencing is being put into that category as an "other", you are not the same as us any more...just my guess

The smell is extraordinary isn't it...I found it weirdly unnerving the first time I noticed and even more so now but for other reasons. I cam across a shop0ping bag full of old clean tshirts but even then I could smell the "male" we women smell different, we smell nice (I do LOL) but we do have a different smell about us. Embrace the changes  ;) 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 12, 2017, 10:26:24 am
I guess "other " is what it is... it's a very strange experience  witnessing how the subconscious  works live
Yes I don't stink any longer
... we do smell better lol
I'm fairly seasoned as far as mind altering  trips go... but this beats everything  😂
 the new sense of smell is  startling I never expected anything  like that

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 13, 2017, 09:43:16 pm
I am surprised  at how Ummm lippy?  I've become... I thought  I would be meek and mild now that estrogen  is the dominant hormone ...but seems I'm even more forward and aggressive my ipl tech reckons I might be getting a bit b_ _ _ _y lol...  she's such a doll and very supportive  of me
This session with my psychiatrist  took off quite well but did a nose dive and a spiral down when I mentioned  the word non binary  and then there  was resistance  to me doing FFS as it was such a permanent  thing ....she did mention  that she couldn't  stop me but that I should  give it serious  consideration  ....however I think I have already  but I would like to get a letter  from her so I use my super which is not much to do it... I figure it's better to use it now rather than wait as in the future  due to inflation  it will not be worth much anyway anyway she is a lovely  person and I very much look forward  to our talks  though she did admit  to me she was new to all this but however had just got back from a transgender  conferance but I guess her comment is fair enough  as is my comment about non binary ..sometimes I get the impression that non binary are the new underclass though
even though we are in the new wpath standards
I'm enjoying  being female but I think I am  the butch lesbo type maybe it's Dysphoria I don't  know
what I do know is that I don't  have enough  of my life left to mess around  !
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Dena on October 13, 2017, 10:56:16 pm
The problem with the non binary is it's not a definitive term so what's non binary to one person may not be the same to another. If you are going to discuss your non binary status, it would be best if you look at our WIKI  (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transgender) and see if you can find a more descriptive term to use. FFS wouldn't be wise for some non binary while it would be a good match for others.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 14, 2017, 02:33:01 am
Hi Dena yes that is true,  but indeed I got the concept  of non binary from the wiki,  along with gender fluid,
 for myself I am more female than male though at times I don't feel very femmine  probably  because I am lurching  around in this hulking body and having spent a good part of  my life 30 yrs ( at least)  out in the bush with them.. conforming  and perhaps it is a lack of confidence  too
ffs for me is more important  than any other change other than the relief that Hrt as given me  as I feel it will bring my appearance  into line with my Spirit my mind
I have always believed  in a third gender and when younger wished I had been born been born with the attributes of female and male ....which probably  doesn't  make sense  to others but it does to me however the former is continely  expressed in nature but in humans is suppressed or at least used to be surgically.
from what I've read I tend to identify  with the Navaho  concept of two spirits so far.
But in the end when it's all said a done I just feel like me but heavily identify  with females 😊
I think perhaps  it may be better not to discuss this as it may lead to confusion...
.

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Dena on October 14, 2017, 10:38:45 am
If you feel you are gender fluid then something like 20% male, 80% female with social or body (appearance) dysphoria might best describe you(adjust the numbers as needed). I often see this with the FTMs however as their transition progresses and they  discover how comfortable they are in the new role, the percentages shift to favor the new role.

It's not important to have a label that describes you however sometimes it's needed when you are attempting to get your thoughts across to your therapist in terms that they understand.

In addition, I have seen others on the site much like you who put a high priority on FFS and a low or no priority on bottom surgery. It just shows how variety there is in the transgender family.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 15, 2017, 06:30:33 am
Yes that makes sense  and is very accurate  I will implement  this to help my therapist
and myself in our conversations thank you 😊 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 16, 2017, 09:38:00 am
Sometimes  it's the little  things that are so nice... arriving  for ipl hr  and then trying to smooth my  kilt under me before I sat and being awkward and a woman already waiting.. said " not used to skirts?  " no I said what's the correct way.. she just laughed  and said there is  none 😊
or going to pick to pick up my Goth boots after repairs  and I asked if I could get some xtra snap buttons on my kilt /skirt the woman at the counter  tells me how to avoid that I thank her she beams at me and says "  I Iove a wrap around  skirt.
even though Ive.only Just begun females are so generous  and understanding   and inclusive and the Hrt allows
me to really empathise  with them.. truly it is gold
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on October 17, 2017, 02:21:26 am

even though Ive.only Just begun females are so generous  and understanding   and inclusive and the Hrt allows
me to really empathise  with them.. truly it is gold

They are the sweet moments of Transition that are difficult to describe but very validating and extremely pleasurable...as my journey continues these thing happen far more frequently....keep on enjoying then I know I do.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 18, 2017, 07:39:21 am
Yes it  really is 😊
I remember  all those months ago how you urged me not to be  scared  as it was a new way of looking at life.... well you weren't  kidding  ! it's wonderful 
and to think I had the Hrt sitting in the fridge all that time 😂
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 19, 2017, 10:04:17 pm
Mmm almost got sprung again... sitting at the back of the bus, guy behind says how you feeling Markie? I said whys that?  Him.. your looking a little  pale then he laughs and says foundation?  so I played dumb and said what's foundation  ? another guy sitting  across starts laughing  and said foundations  of a house 😂
So now my new game is to get away with makeup well sort of make up
I just blend some beige sunscreen /moisturiser  with some. white zinc cream over some pore filler
then a touch of translucent finishing powder.. some setting spray
it's working pretty darn good and is great practice not to mention sun protection in this blazing landscape
Arriving  back in camp  a female colleague with her bf sees  me and exclaims have I had a facial?
no I say then she says you have the most beautiful  skin.... I was thinking about it the other day
that really caught me off guard as I had no makeup on at all... later looking in the mirror I noticed the skin pores are a lot. smaller and my skin has taken on a different  hue
I'm pleased she noticed as I means I'm making headway
I have noticed in the malls people looking at me... I'm used to that as when I was bodybuilding  I tended to stand out but now they are looking  at some other attribute maybe it's the skull earings but definitely  getting a different  vibe these days I like it 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 20, 2017, 07:19:17 am
I often see this with the FTMs however as their transition progresses and they  discover how comfortable they are in the new role, the percentages shift to favor the new role


Yes I agree with this, I just have to get around the body dysphoria and a whole bunch of other staff but I find myself unconciously adopting certain  seated positions which are feminine but at the same time it feels completely  natural 
The people  I live and work with are using my masculine  Nick name less and less 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on October 20, 2017, 08:21:06 am
It's called progress Markie. You are making progress towards your new life little by little you are getting there. All it take is one step at a time.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on October 21, 2017, 12:51:14 am
Mmm almost got sprung again... sitting at the back of the bus, guy behind says how you feeling Markie? I said whys that?  Him.. your looking a little  pale then he laughs and says foundation?  so I played dumb and said what's foundation  ? another guy sitting  across starts laughing  and said foundations  of a house 😂
So now my new game is to get away with makeup well sort of make up
I just blend some beige sunscreen /moisturiser  with some. white zinc cream over some pore filler
then a touch of translucent finishing powder.. some setting spray
it's working pretty darn good and is great practice not to mention sun protection in this blazing landscape


I really enjoyed reading that, foundation...house foundations...sure it was. Have you tried BB cream which already has sunblock in it and comes in varying shades, it is also moisturiser...It goes on nicely and if you get the right blend it will be even harder to pick. I have really enjoyed the changes in my skin and how much better it feels and looks...

Damage from our fierce sun can be difficult to repair as we get older and prevention is always better than the cure

So how far are you going to push along with the makeup...what about a lip balm....cherry red maybe!! LOL
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 21, 2017, 09:10:02 am
Haha  yes I'd   love cherry red  ,  or black 😈
Swisse bb yes I have and I still have some though I need the lighter tint, ive  been using invisible  zinc which is a
similar product... Oh yes I wish I had slip, slopped,slap all those years ago..damm it's hot up here 42c today
and out labouring,  whew time to sleep
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on October 21, 2017, 08:46:42 pm
I have seen you before with black and you really do rock that goth look
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 23, 2017, 03:14:33 am
Thank you Liz  :D
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 29, 2017, 08:26:15 am
Tonight at the wetmess one of my work mates brought some food ( the food at the dry mess is crap) and shared it ...so when i went to buy more drinks at the bar i bought him a couple ....so i sit down at the table and pass him a couple of beers and he then points at the ones in front of him and says ...i've  already got enough ...."you crazy b---h"😆
It was a Freudian slip,.....it startled me as a few months ago to utter such a thing to me would have meant ...the equivalant of signing your death certificate....but instead i pretended i had not heard it and im pretty sure he didnt realise what he said , actually i was very pleased ....my doc said they would female name me after 6mths
This is a different situation asnwe work togther for weeks on end im the middle of nowhere
Well this is weird i noticed  my gait is different im walking  and i've put more size on my inner thighs  which may be why i am walking different
Boobs are growing ...one side more than the other ...and sore as well
Incidentally the guy who cussed me was earlier remaking on how my skin was so white ...he didnt seem to be able understand it and was also asking me if i had a girl etc .....
Wow the social dynamics are soooo interesting....now if i can get my ffs done it should get ...really interesting😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 01, 2017, 07:06:02 am
Strike 2 ! In melbourne getting some tatts done and the tattooist
Asked my age then his assistant 'gf said ....i have really nice Skin refering to my face ....so things are happening 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 18, 2017, 12:49:13 am
(https://vgy.me/FMBQZU.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/sj7qyd.jpg)

Ive had a couple of girls remark that i look different ...
What i've really noticed is that my eyelashs have grown heaps and now that progestrone has been added
they  are much darker
noticed a  bit more mass around the thighs and hips ...and top wise well its sore
Oh and bottom lip is getting 😉 plumper

Couldn't resist the oil tanl lol
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on November 18, 2017, 12:52:19 am
<img src="https://vgy.me/sj7qyd.jpg">

<img src="https://vgy.me/FMBQZU.jpg">

Ive had a couple of girls remark that i look different ....i can see i'm looking a bit pasty 😅

I can see there is a difference in your skin tone and you definitely look lighter in the face...don't know if Pasty is the right word you look leaner?

I got you email  ;)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 18, 2017, 01:24:00 am
No worries Liz yes i might change that add some more details too 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 30, 2017, 11:34:47 pm
Well been slack....as the project was coming to an end i started to experence the first transphobic occurences my superintendant one morning when i greeted him said under his breath ...pink eyes ! then later at  the wetmess when one of my supervisors sat down at our  table he made every effort to avoid eye contact and conversation ...it was as if i wasnt there...funny thing is the girls all love me still but its gone from wanting to touch me and blush to inclusion conspirtable looks etc and its not that im acting different either or changed the way i dress apart from all the bling i wear now
But the strangest occurrence was sitting at the bar and i was telling my mate about the rubbish mate send me on messenger which i delete  anyway before im shocked  i told him of one of the trick ones thats starts off innocous but then morphs into something totally mindblowing..so we were.comparing notes and i mentioned how i got one that morphed into a big bearded  guy showing off a pair of impressive Moobs
Any way deathmachine fixes me with his steely gaze and proceeds to tell me a story of how a guy in civil construction  decided to transition and how his wife was totally supportive...he kept repeating how the guy was in civil construction , like he was emphasizing the word civil repeatly  i think he was hinting that he knew but was cool about it
So what else ...well im missing my crew ...feel like a ghost again in  the real world
Made it to mexico for ffs was a hellish flight 15 hrs straight to dallas noticed the racial tension....its so alien to me
We are more a less color blind in oz
I felt a bit like Typhoid Mary in that i felt a bit off color when i got on the plane and was getting sicker
Blech....not.nice still i got to watch  every episode of "fargo "! Damm fine artististic american art
Um what.else
The sinus thing  has  still  got its claws into me ie infection might have to see a doctor i dont want complications  , anyway  ive  seen nothing of this place so far just been in my hotel room watching fargo ...people are nice enough  but its not a real touristy spot for gringos....since i had my eye tattoos  finished,
 my eyes are a lot bluer it startles a lot of people here lol, becaause not am i  only taller but the eyes ....anyway i like them , first bar i went to this nice fella tried to pick me up ...haha these latin types are pretty  smoooth ....but i i just kept him drinking until  he was overflowing.....men aren't  my thing ... could change i guess  but i doubt it anyway he was quite brave considering my hard look ...lol even my work mates would comment on what an angry looking person i look.....poor me i,m so misunderstood lol it should be cheap here for me here but our ausssie dollar  has declined down to 65 cents from 75 usa cents ....this  ffs is going to cost me a packet  i just hope he can pull it off ...you know turn a sows ear into a silk purse , i hope he can give me a handsome woman look


<language please!>
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Allison S on December 31, 2017, 03:42:31 am
You're in Mexico for surgery already?! I feel like I was just commenting on your andro post - that's great! Good luck!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 31, 2017, 11:52:03 am
Thanks Alison im going to need every bit 
Oh apologys for my langauge ..... i cant remember  posting most of the last one ..... i was feeling kinda stressed out , so i did what hal suggests to dave bowman in 2001 ..... ie : take a stress pill lie down and think things over .....cept i took 2 stress pills went to the bar  and had a couple of double gin and tonics while i proceeded to start and complete  the previous post ......then flaked out and work up 2 hrs later sitting at the bar .....hence all the typos and etc my fingers are to big for those mobile ph keyboards , so i,ll recap somewhat
I felt like typhoid mary  as i had got onto the plane (jumbo airbus )  feeling abit ill and then it started into the flu ànd sure as not 8 hrs in other people started having symptoms too😥
That i was illish didnt prevent one stewardess from trying to pick up ...half my age too and good looking , maybe its my new "dune spice melange blue eye tattoos" or  maybe it might have been my moobs as she did glance down ....i just wish i hadnt had the flu , anyway we chatted about various things and the full thigh sleeve tattoo she was gradually  getting done  she asked how long i was going to be stopped over in dallas and i fibbed saying not long as i could detect she wanted me and her to go out there somewhere ,
i love that series fargo ....hope they continue it might be a while,to the next season though  as the stories are well thought out and intricate
not a thing you can bash out on demand
Flight was hellish  cooped up for 15 hrs straight with a developing flu  if you get the choice go  by  boeing dream liner ..... it's  exactly  that
 ....airbus 380 is just that a bus
Though plenty of room art rear of aircraft to gather and talk although we were told over the intercom  that usa law forbade  gatherings of more than 3 people in one place ....but aussies didnt seem to worry about that hehe
got to Dallas and was impressed  by how efficient  professional and polite  the security people were ....cant say the same for other parts of the airport
by that time i hadn't  sleep a wink for over 24hrs so i availed my self of one of those micro suit things paid $75 for and hour and ahalf sleep about 40 minutes  had a couple of drinks ,
then went through the doors of the terminal  stood out side for 5 minutes ( it was freezing ) and thought wow im in America  i,m actually  in usa then i went back in and waited for the second leg,of the journey on that one there was one of us seated in the same row  seemed somewhat subjued wasn't  really sure until she asked the mexican lady next to me how to do her imigration form ....i think she was spanish
she did check me out when she thought i was not looking ....but i,m always looking even when i,m not , anyway i thought she made a fine woman amazing  how some girls just need hormones ....but ithink it makes a hell of a difference  if you start out young ....but then again in my case back when i first had feelings they would have thrown  me in the mental hospital (graylands ... a fitting name ) and i did know 3 associates who ended up in that place......nothing good came of it
anyway got to guadalajara  to my prebooked hotel nice enough place but too noisy i stayed there just long enough toget through the worst of the flu then moved to another hotel .....bit far from the touristy spots ....but uber is cheap the locals are friendly but i really should have learned spanish or at least some .....because english is barely spoken here ....thank god for google translate
Coming here esthetically  was always my first choice but the distance and cost  put it second i had planned on going somewhere else closer , but after mentioning how butch i was i got talked out of it which worked for about a week then Dysphoria kicked in hard
and i also remembered how long i had desired ffs even before hrt and how i had planned to use the end of this project and the time in between before the next one  to take  my long service leave ( which means i cant work for wages for six weeks ) and had in  fact already set the wheels in motion  for my long service leave and declined the offer to stay on this one and turn the lights out and then get sent to another temp fill in job,  so i thought  like hell .... i'm 54 and a contract worker so i cant afford to take this sort of time off in the middle of the next project not to mention the recovery time which for me will be longer due to the nature of my work
so i recontacted .....no answer waited 8 hrs then realised i was being stoned walled ..... i just dont get it ,
anyway i'm annoyed  as the surgeon  i  had contacted passed my details on to a  medical tourism type third party .
So anyway i thought what the heck what the hell i,d made the money for ffs by gambling  my lifes savings on crypto currency  which paid off ànd which is financing this adventure  of mine so i went back to my first choice and luckily  there was a date in jan so i booked
i had planned to get full crowns done here in mexico before ffs so i had left earlier for oz unfortunately  the flu messd up those plans
so i only have enough time to get some repairs done i think  , however after mexico i think i will spend some time in thailand on a tropical beach or a mountain  hideaway until  i am able to get dental done i,ve got until late march early april til the next project kicks off .....
Why didnt i just go to thailand ? first ? which is so close and comparable cost wise .... well i wanted my ffs to be done by a cacausian surgeon i'm not prejudiced  but i feel that in my case i wanted needed the input of similar concepts of beauty asthetics etc
i mean its okay for those girls who already have the femme look to go to thailand  with the surgeons there it is a simple matter for them to be enhanced  but i need a an aggressive but artistic surgeon  and Dr  Cardenas is exsactly that and if anyone can salvage me it will be him , also latin people are romantic ,passionate  people as it shows in their architecture  and food and art, and i love the concept of the Dr's wife doing the Rhinoplasty 
 I also looked  at belgium which was a very good comprehensive  package  but it was just way to expensive , as our australia dollar is worth something like 65 us cents and even less euros
As for waiting till i had been on hrt longer yes that is a good idea for the younger ones who have more life in front of them ... i have maybe ten good years in front of me then its all over red rover  like the saying goes "walk a mile in someones boots before you judge them"
hah when i got this new hotel room i ordered a kingsize bed ..... i, m getting one when i get home .....be enough room for me and my 2 cats then so they wont have push me out of bed 😆
well theres more to ponder but after my mix of stress pills and drinks i had my first decent sleep so i  might brave brekkie
sleep did well though gave my body a bit of room to heal
Gawd i hope i dont end up like the manthing in an iron mask ....i do believe im getting nervous

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Dena on December 31, 2017, 12:19:12 pm
Please stop taking your stress pills and drinking at the same time. That can be very dangerous and we prefer that you be around here for a very long time.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 31, 2017, 02:21:37 pm
No worries Dena thx💕
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on December 31, 2017, 05:25:47 pm
Wow what an adventure you had...so if I can interpret this right you had an eye tattoo and are planning FFS in January...this month.

Sounds like you had an interesting time on your travels(apart from the flu)....You are a lady of leisure for the next couple of months...enjoy your time to prep.

It is going to be a year of changes for us both as I am having GRS in November...just starting to feel a little excited about it. its been awhile since we caught up....I hope you are well and enjoying your time away.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 31, 2017, 08:26:17 pm
Hi there Liz hey your looking great beaut pic , yes correct i had my eyes tattooed Fremen spice blue  , aka from the sifi novel / film Dune
I thought about black but i already look intimidating  enough but theres an interview  with a girl who used facial team on their site who did
i wanted to get some body tatts but the tattooist advised against it as i was having surgical procedures,
Yes jan the 10th ,
 Wow Are you nervous such a big step  ? I know i am .....
You take care too Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 02, 2018, 10:19:59 am
Killing time .......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xt_xjQ1gcy0
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 05, 2018, 12:07:22 am
Well while i wait for my date with scalpel , i,ve been exploring Guadalajara i,ve been walking around late at night early  in the morning ..got lost in some unknown  neighborhood  , and i have to say i've never felt safer in fact i would be more nervous  walking around at night in some australian city's  tonight i managed to get lost again (as i walk everywhere ) and during the epic of finding my hotel i noticed how many woman are confident  walking alone ànd couples ,people are really friendly and gracious and this place is very clean you dont see trash all over the place ,
Now I've  been walking around  with some fairly expensive bling and had no problems there is good security here ......and dozens of hotels for every budget
During my exploration  i found a lasik clinic which is on my list as i need to get a vision enhancement and anyway i can get both eyes done for $780 usd ....not bad
This city is full of medical teaching university's  ànd specialists
I'm impressed !
Well to sleep now I'm  exhausted  from the èpic run around google maps gave me and i have a dental consultation tomorrow
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 05, 2018, 02:24:49 pm
Hi Markie,

  I am glad to hear you are feeling safe while out exploring on foot. Feeling safe is really important, almost as important as feeling comfortable in your own skin. Many of us can't do that. Good luck in what improvements and enhancement you are planning to have done. I hope all go well.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 05, 2018, 04:00:52 pm
Thanks Laurie i think i was ooooh its mexico it dangerous at first and i was nervous intially  but its a big country
one always should be cautious  though
 but with observation ive seen this city is moderate though i'm sure there are places i would best keep away from. Just like any other city
...hmm enhancements its been a long time coming....its dental time😅
Im not quite sure about being 100% comfy in  my skin though one of Dr Cardenas patients has a video where she talks about how she experimented  by staying at a hotel instead of the clinics accommodation and walking back and forth
though maybe one day ? Just confident in my ability to defend myself.....but that comes from being a manthing 😁
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 05, 2018, 05:43:19 pm
Well Markie don't be visiting those seedier areas of town. When I was a young sailor overseas in Europe those were the areas I headed for. I had issues even back then and would try drinking them away. I don't remember how I managed to get back to the ship many of those times. I do remember walking several miles back once in Spain drunk as hell.
  I've been to Mexico 3 times with a friend I used to work with and his wife and mine. I only went because my wife wanted to. She probably had a good time after I got drunk and put in bed. There were nights I don't remember how I got there on those trips too. I do know I have no desire to ever visit Mexico again. I have enough interaction withe them here. There are some very nice places there though.
  Anyway Markie I hope your dental work and whatever goes well for you.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 05, 2018, 07:13:52 pm
Ah you are full of mysterys......i understand about the drinking....me too ....thanks for your well wishs its strange since ive stated to transition things just seem to go well when ever i stray from the path it gets difficult😆
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 09, 2018, 02:14:01 pm
Well finally i am here at the recovery house....its beautiful lots of color amd tastfully firnished and my room has its onsuite,
The Host is a very friendly and efficient likeable guy,
I saw Dr Cardenas his demeanor goves me confidence...no could fear now as he gave me a through rundown as to what procedures will be  done , i asked him if then virtual ffs assement i provided  from Miss Hammer was useful
and he said yes as it provided a real world extrapolation as to what to aim for as a opposed to being presented
  a photo of another person from a magazine
He agreed with me about keeping it real as to my size
and so i left happy and relieved
Got all my tempory crowns finished dentist worked till 10 pm what a great guy ! by the time im recoverd the crowns will  ready....28 crowns (2 custom one) plus one bridge and 2 root canels with posts for the customn crowns ....in precious metal $11k in aud
So tommorrow is Ffs Surgery day.....lookin) forward it😃

(https://vgy.me/l7TfNf.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cindy on January 09, 2018, 02:59:56 pm
Good luck Hon. I'll be thinking of you and a big hug from home

Cindy
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 10, 2018, 12:02:44 am
  I'll be thinking of you also Markie. Good Luck and wishes for all to go well.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Michelle_P on January 10, 2018, 01:10:54 am
Markie, we’re all sending good thoughts and karma your way.  Recover well, heal fast, and have your needs met.  May all be well.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sno on January 10, 2018, 04:57:41 am
Hon, take care, take the meds, and listen to your doctor - we’re all looking forward to ‘after’ photos as we’ll know you’re safe and sound

Rowan
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 10, 2018, 06:33:20 am
Thanks girls💕 ....just waiting fot my ride only a couple of hrs away  now ...........👍
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on January 10, 2018, 05:07:56 pm
Hi Markie

I do hope this goes so well for you...I know how much work and effort you have put into researching this and finding the person you want. Speedy recovery and let me know how you went.

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 10, 2018, 10:42:27 pm
Meh......
(https://vgy.me/kG2lgv.jpg)
Yeow😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 10, 2018, 10:59:01 pm
 OUCH !! That looks like it hurts Markie. I hope you have pain meds.  You look like a truck hit you but I imagine that it is normal. It is good to see you are done and in recovery. HUGS for you Dear. Rest and heal, Hon.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Michelle_P on January 10, 2018, 11:20:48 pm
Hi, Markie!  Looks like you ordered The Works.  Yeah, I know.  Ow.  Just hang in there.  Think of how you’ll be in a month.  :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on January 10, 2018, 11:22:28 pm
Meh......
(https://vgy.me/kG2lgv.jpg)
Yeow😉

OMG!!!!  THE MUMMY!!!!

Just kidding, seeing you like that sends shivers down me timbers.  Heal quickly!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Charlie Nicki on January 11, 2018, 09:00:03 am
Meh......
(https://vgy.me/kG2lgv.jpg)
Yeow😉

We are total strangers but I'm very excited for you!! :) Can't wait to see the final results.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on January 11, 2018, 11:11:30 am
OMG!!!!  THE MUMMY!!!!

Just kidding, seeing you like that sends shivers down me timbers.  Heal quickly!

Hi Mummy!  I hope you're feeling better today.  And I hope you don't mind the gentle ribbing.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sno on January 11, 2018, 01:25:27 pm
Rest up and heal well :)

Rowan
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on January 11, 2018, 06:19:17 pm
Meh......
(https://vgy.me/kG2lgv.jpg)
Yeow😉

Looking good Girl...well maybe a little sore and raw around the edges....Hope you are on top of it soon. I know how that feels...if anyone hasn't had facial surgery before let me be the first to say...

Please Note: OUCH!!

Facial surgery hurts...have had upwards of 15 surgeries on my face (hard to tell I know) and they hurt. With an arm or a leg you can immobilise it and stop the pain caused by movement, not so with facial surgery, most of the time we don't realise we are even using them

Take good care of yourself and hopefully the result will be as you wish.

Hugs

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on January 11, 2018, 06:20:21 pm
Rest up and heal well :)

Rowan

Hey, be nicer to my mummy
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on January 11, 2018, 10:59:54 pm
Meh......
(https://vgy.me/kG2lgv.jpg)
Yeow😉

Looking good Girl...well maybe a little sore and raw around the edges....Hope you are on top of it soon. I know how that feels...if anyone hasn't had facial surgery before let me be the first to say...

Please Note: OUCH!!

Facial surgery hurts...have had upwards of 15 surgeries on my face (hard to tell I know) and they hurt. With an arm or a leg you can immobilise it and stop the pain caused by movement, not so with facial surgery, most of the time we don't realise we are even using the muscles that have been affected

Take good care of yourself and hopefully the result will be as you wish.

Hugs

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 12, 2018, 07:43:43 pm
Thanks for the kind words ladies....seems ive missed a couple of days , had some blood pressure  issues that put me back in hospital  both eyes completely  closed up and i could barely  see , 
Vincent of transop came and checked on me ...took some photos and sent them to Dr Cardenas  next thing i was being taken to the clinic
at 12pm Dr Cardenas was there and got things happening the staff were and are great , lucky for google translate though, the çlinic is liike mini hospital looks brand new state of the art
Back at the recovery house now fervently willing  the disappearance of some yapping mutt
It was really strànge the op one moment im just lieing there in the gurney asking some questions  ....next thing i,m aaking where wer're  going
Lol the op had happened it like a flash ,anyway Dr Cardenas said to me that i got really  good results and that i would be very happy with them
Well i didnt see them before the blood pressure  thing set in so i,m in for along wait I'd  say be a least 2 weeks before i look remotely  human again maybe i'll post another ghastly pic without the badaids  ,,,,
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on January 12, 2018, 07:46:08 pm
Thanks for the kind words ladies....seems ive missed a couple of days , had some blood pressure  issues that put me back in hospital  both eyes completely  closed up and i could barely  see , 
Vincent of transop came and checked on me ...took some photos and sent them to Dr Cardenas  next thing i was being taken to the clinic
at 12pm Dr Cardenas was there and got things happening the staff were and are great , lucky for google translate though, the çlinic is liike mini hospital looks brand new state of the art
Back at the recovery house now fervently willing  the disappearance of some yapping mutt
It was really strànge the op one moment im just lieing there in the gurney asking some questions  ....next thing i,m aaking where wer're  going
Lol the op had happened it like a flash ,anyway Dr Cardenas said to me that i got really  good results and that i would be very happy with them
Well i didnt see them before the blood pressure  thing set in so i,m in for along wait I'd  say be a least 2 weeks before i look remotely  human again maybe i'll post another ghastly pic without the badaids  ,,,,

Glad my mummy is doing better!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 12, 2018, 07:48:12 pm
💖💞
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 12, 2018, 08:51:53 pm
Hi Markie,

  Glad you are doing better. I know you  said you had blood pressure issues but I am a bit confused. You said someone took pictures, the doc saw them and you were off back to the hospital. As far as I know you can't tell BP problems with a picture. I kind of had the Idea he could see something wrong with the FFS. Am I missing a piece of the puzzle or just missed the obvious? (I've been known to do that)

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 13, 2018, 03:59:17 am
I,m still a  bit dispersed when the carer came in to check on me he could see the swelling was getting bad so he took photos and rang the doctor who then asked him to bring me down to the clinic  aparently as i understand it the hbp was contributing to swelling and excess bleeding
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 13, 2018, 09:19:18 pm
I,m still a  bit dispersed when the carer came in to check on me he could see the swelling was getting bad so he took photos and rang the doctor who then asked him to bring me down to the clinic  aparently as i understand it the hbp was contributing to swelling and excess bleeding

  Okay I'll buy that. He could see you were springing leaks. You don't want to lose too much of that red stuff. It will make you dizzy. So you getting all better now? Hurting a little less I hope? I've spent a few days in those hospital places and they aren't a lot of fun usually. It seems each time I go they either take something out or try to kill me (almost literally)

  You follow those doctors orders girl and get all rested and healed up so we can be dazzled by your new beauty.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 14, 2018, 11:57:14 am
Hi Laurie i suggested to them to just have me donate blood as i though the problem was my blood  was too thick (hemmocrit)  and my heart was quite happy to keep pumpimg it into the wounds and thus as it had no where to go it just kept filling the ballon so,to speak
ah but they didnt listen to me
But things are on an even keel now ......new found  beauty ...kind words ....☺
Ill settle for easy on the eye androgynous 
Must admit i,m curious and and little afraid of what lies beneath
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 14, 2018, 12:37:46 pm
Hi Markie,

   Okay, as to what lies beneath Hun, I have already been very impressed with how much different you look from your male pictures. It is hard to even imagine the two are of the same person. It doesn't even appear possible. About all I can say about this "improvement" on how you already appear in your avatar could only be classified as beauty. More than what we can see on the outside is the you inside that you let us have glimpses of. That sensitive woman can't be that rough harsh looking man we have seen in the pictures. No the Markie we know and love is that one in your avatar. That is who you really are.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Allison S on January 14, 2018, 02:09:29 pm
Markie I hope you have a smooth recovery. I haven't been through ffs yet but I know it's painful and uncomfortable. We're here for you even miles away

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cindy on January 14, 2018, 02:28:09 pm
Sending you a big Aussie Hug Hon. Hope you are feeling a lot better today.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Zoe_Kay on January 15, 2018, 02:13:43 am
Hi Everyone!
This is such a wonderful and supportive thread of comments!  I am new here on the site and this is the first discussion I've read through and wow!  <3  :)

XX

Zoe
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 15, 2018, 01:48:16 pm
Hi Markie,

 
. No the Markie we know and love is that one in your avatar. That is who you really are.

Hugs,
   Laurie
very kind  and thoughtful  it  lifted my spirits
Laurie  😇
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 15, 2018, 01:52:18 pm
Markie I hope you have a smooth recovery. I haven't been through ffs yet but I know it's painful and uncomfortable. We're here for you even miles away

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Thanks Allison , 
Its been epic ....hopefully you wont need any 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 15, 2018, 01:58:48 pm
Sending you a big Aussie Hug Hon. Hope you are feeling a lot better today.
💕  oh yes Cindy  much better thanks got the  nose packing  and tube things out today ....finally can breath proper
Makes one thankful when the pain and discomfort goes... 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 15, 2018, 02:12:24 pm
Hi Everyone!
This is such a wonderful and supportive thread of comments!  I am new here on the site and this is the first discussion I've read through and wow!  <3  :)

XX

Zoe
Welcome.😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cindy on January 15, 2018, 02:44:11 pm
Hi Hon, What is the time table now? Are you in the hospital for a while or recovering elsewhere?

Only reply if you are feeling good enough.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on January 15, 2018, 02:47:04 pm
Welcome.😉

Yes, this is not an airhead thread because we think, outloud but think nevertheless.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 16, 2018, 12:06:15 pm
Hi Hon, What is the time table now? Are you in the hospital for a while or recovering elsewhere?

Only reply if you are feeling good enough.

Hi Cindy ....well im back in the recovery house i,m due to  leave here on the 19th but i'll have to wait around guadalajara for at least another couple of weeks as i have to get my crowns installed ....mainly as i dont think i can open my mouth wide enough atm
getting close to being up and around ,its cheap enough to live here caters to all budgets i'd ike to walk around but i'd i'll have to rig up some sort of face scarf  so i dont scare people  though people here are very polite across the boards
The Docs suggested a while ago that i might avail myself the use of hyperbaric chamber ....should have done so earlier in the piece ......i already know i bruised easily .....but even this surprised me ....still on the mend 😊

   

at this rate i'll it will 2weeks until i start looking human again bits its a far better then where i was a few days ago



Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 17, 2018, 12:13:00 am
Hi Markie,

  Glad you gave us an update. Will be waiting for more. Can't wait to see how you look with new teeth and FFS all healed.

  Hugs,
    Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cindy on January 17, 2018, 01:00:42 am
Hi Hon, What is the time table now? Are you in the hospital for a while or recovering elsewhere?

Only reply if you are feeling good enough.

Hi Cindy ....well im back in the recovery house i,m due to  leave here on the 19th but i'll have to wait around guadalajara for at least another couple of weeks as i have to get my crowns installed ....mainly as i dont think i can open my mouth wide enough atm
getting close to being up and around ,its cheap enough to live here caters to all budgets i'd ike to walk around but i'd i'll have to rig up some sort of face scarf  so i dont scare people  though people here are very polite across the boards
The Docs suggested a while ago that i might avail myself the use of hyperbaric chamber ....should have done so earlier in the piece ......i already know i bruised easily .....but even this surprised me ....still on the mend 😊

   

at this rate i'll it will 2weeks until i start looking human again bits its a far better then where i was a few days ago

OK understood.

You take care and we are all here for you
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on January 24, 2018, 12:29:15 am
Hi Markie

Great to see you recovering albeit slower that you would like. I hope you hare still healing well...I am guessing you are also having some other procedures?

Love to hear how you are when you get a chance.

Hugs

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on January 24, 2018, 11:37:31 am
Haven't seen anything posted from Markie since the 15th I think.  Anyone else heard?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 25, 2018, 01:28:45 pm
Hi  Just saw your post 😘still here in mexico , left the recovery house yesterday, oh the team there were so nice and during my personal emergency spoon fed me and all ,it was a nice welcoming safe place ,
Ive only really just regained my strength ....the complications knocked me for six  but much better now went for a walk to my fave resturant yesterday ...managed to get stared at frequently didnt worry though ...people here are so polite , i think i,ll hang around for a few more weeks and try get the face lift in before i go back to oz or maybe go to brazil or someplace while.i wait ...guess i could get the facelift done in thailand but would prefer the dr here to do it .....for a while there i was quite disturbed at what i had done ...and went into regret mode big time but now as the swelling goes down i can vaguely see whag might be so  i feel a bit better
a bit of a time line up until now
(https://vgy.me/kG2lgv.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/ewVvEa.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/0tDX6I.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/XWBeji.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/84fuTV.jpg)

Ive never been photogenic at the best of times
Anyway the clinic was great , and when i was rushed the clinic at 12at night Dr Cardenas was there to oversee everything i ended up having a blood transfusion the complications were due to my bodys reaction my bp went through the roof and I  basically turned into a sprinkler which surprised me as my hemmocrit has been so high, maybe going off hrt for the op thinned my blood right out, normally you get given clexane to stop deep vein thrombosis and blood  clots but in my case they didnt use it, i must go get my blood work done to try figure out what haplened,  but all good now just waitng to see what im going
to look like , though the Dr stayed pretty much to the virtual assement a part from giving my nose tip a slight uplft and enhanceing the bottom lip whic i hope is going to decrease in size aka decrease in swelling and also some of the fat transfer about 30% will be absorbed
Funny thing happened the other night i was at anearby resturant having soup and a beer when this little kid came in off street up to me and he was pointing at all the bruises etc and talking i couldnt understand what he was staying so out come google translate ...got him to speak into it and it translated into " face of war " haha
I might use that as a nick name at work hmmm say warface lol
His mum was waiting patiently on the side walk .....and then the kids.sisters all raced up with oooh ahhh etc , eventually i shooed them off gently and went back to trying not to spill my beer out the side of my mouth
....so much delicious food about ....but i cant eat it ....still  Guacamole and soup gets me by
...bring on the results!!!! well at least ive got lips now ....lippy time 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on January 25, 2018, 01:33:02 pm
Hi  Just saw your post 😘still here in mexico , left the recovery house yesterday, oh the team there were so nice and during my personal emergency spoon fed me and all ,it was a nice welcoming safe place ,
Ive only really just regained my strength ....the complications knocked me for six  but much better now went for a walk to my fave resturant yesterday ...managed to get stared at frequently didnt worry though ...people here are so polite , i think i,ll hang around for a few more weeks and try get the face lift in before i go back to oz or maybe go to brazil or someplace while.i wait ...guess i could get the facelift done in thailand but would prefer the dr here to do it .....for a while there i was quite disturbed at what i had done ...and went into regret mode big time but now as the swelling goes down i can vaguely see whag might be so  i feel a bit better
a bit of a time line up until now
(https://vgy.me/kG2lgv.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/ewVvEa.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/0tDX6I.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/XWBeji.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/84fuTV.jpg)

Ive never been photogenic at the best of times
Anyway the clinic was great , and when i was rushed the clinic at 12at night Dr Cardenas was there to oversee everything i ended up having a blood transfusion the complications were due to my bodys reaction my bp went through the roof and k basically turned into a sprinkler  but all good now just waitng to see what im gking to look like , though the Dr stayed pretty much to the virtual assement a part from giving my nose tip a slight uplft and enhanceing the bottom lip whic i hope is going to decrease in size aka decrease in swelling and also some of the fat transfer about 30% will be absorbed
Funny thing happened the other night i was at anearby resturant having soup and a beer when this little kid came in off street up to me and he was pointing at all the bruises etc and talking i couldnt understand what he was staying so out come google translate ...got him to speak into it and it translated into " face of war " haha
I might use that as a nick name at work hmmm say warface lol
His mum was waiting patiently on the side walk .....and then the kids.sisters all raced up with oooh ahhh etc , eventually i shooed them off gently and went back to trying not to spill my beer out the side of my mouth
....so much delicious food about ....but i cant eat it ....still  Guacamole and soup gets me by
...bring on the results!!!! well at least ive got lips now ....lippy time 😉

Glad you posted.  Was a wee bit worried bout ya!  Was beginning to think that they did such an awesome job and someone kidnapped you and you were now in some harem in the middle east :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 25, 2018, 01:45:36 pm
Thx😊
I should be so lucky the good looking bit that is haha, i guess i was just exhausted , and mentally a bit numb as well
you know though there no pain just a bit of numbness here and there ...hope this regeneration is worth it 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on January 25, 2018, 01:48:13 pm
Thx😊
I should be so lucky the good looking bit that is haha, i guess i was just exhausted , and mentally a bit numb as well
you know though there no pain just a bit of numbness here and there ...hope this regeneration is worth it 😉

I like the regeneration comment, lol Doctor!  Keep thinking that it was worth it - positive thoughts produce positive drive resulting in positive results - Cassi 2018.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 26, 2018, 12:20:37 am
I'm glad to see you are okay Markie I was starting to worry about you. I am sure the results will be better once the bruising and swelling goes away. You will post a picture hopefully with a dab of that lippy you were talking about won't you?

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 27, 2018, 09:53:49 pm
Indeed it is my fervent hope Laurie......i wonder if i went to far  ....up and down about it atm ....still i had to stop hrt for 2 weeks before hand .....now i am waiting for levels to build back up ...
😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 28, 2018, 04:14:19 pm
Yes doing a lot better thank you   Cassi ah yes.... gone  but not forgot😉.......wish this regeneration  process would hurry up......just need the face lift now .....but i must admit i,m kinda shy when kt comes to more medical......oh well in for a penny in for a pound .....or is it the other way round......
High ho i must go down to the markets ....been a bit of a recluse lately  but since starting to assume human form i think i can go out with out being carted away for experiments   ;D
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on January 28, 2018, 05:11:16 pm
Yes doing a lot better thank you   Cassi ah yes.... gone  but not forgot😉.......wish this regeneration  process would hurry up......just need the face lift now .....but i must admit i,m kinda shy when kt comes to more medical......oh well in for a penny in for a pound .....or is it the other way round......
High ho i must go down to the markets ....been a bit of a recluse lately  but since starting to assume human form i think i can go out with out being carted away for experiments   ;D

Be safe!  Your penny/pound comment reminded me of when my first's wife's brother's wife visited from the UK.  We picked her up at LAX and my wife wanted her to put her foot into the Pacific Ocean but instead of doing near LAX, we ended up heading for Long Beach.  Anyway, the sister-in-law kept making the comment about wanting to spend a penny.  This was back in the early - mid 1980's so I thought she was just making fun of our dollar value.

We drove her around for like 4 hours, stopping at the store, stopping a McD's and finally got to the Ocean.

For us Colonists, Spending a Penny is a polite way of telling someone you need to use the Lou, loo, or however it's spelled. :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 28, 2018, 06:43:56 pm
Lol....congrats on starting hrt .....my my you already look fab ......the future looks good😊
Oh yes for sure ......though with my size and warface i get get left alone ......its actually its a very safe city in fact i see more cops here than at home in oz ....more comfotable strolling at night here , went to markets today brass band playing , familys and children ,old couples arm in arm ....must say the men here treat their ladies very well ....gentlemen
My defintjon
https://www.google.com.mx/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/us/amp/english/in-for-a-penny-in-for-a-pound
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 30, 2018, 12:50:48 pm
The variety of gastronomic  fare here is very tempting .....i dont normally go for pasta because it is evil....
however because i had lost so much weight after the op.( i think i maybe went 3/4 days without eating and then no appetite  after that)
I allowed my self a couple of dishs with a nice red ....
And ive had a pleasant surprise ....as my weight returns it appears to be relocating  around my thighs and hips
certainly no bikini bod in sight and it would prob make a.cis girl tear her hair and rip her dress

But im surprised and pleased .
My face continues  to morph in and out .....ive found my favorite mirror ....its in the lift😂 but theres a security cam 😀 so no posing haha
Reminds me of when i was in hong kong many years ago and i behaved like an ape in the lift only to get to the ground floor and notice the cam ....i'm pretty sure  early warning sats would have detected my heat signature!!
off to get last crowns put in ...they will be engraved ...any suggestions ?😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on January 30, 2018, 12:53:58 pm
The variety of gastronomic  fare here is very tempting .....i dont normally go for pasta because it is evil....
however because i had lost so much weight after the op.( i think i maybe went 3/4 days without eating and then no appetite  after that)
I allowed my self a couple of dishs with a nice red ....
And ive had a pleasant surprise ....as my weight returns it appears to be relocating  around my thighs and hips
certainly no bikini bod in sight and it would prob make a.cis girl tear her hair and rip her dress

But im surprised and pleased .
My face continues  to morph in and out .....ive found my favorite mirror ....its in the lift😂 but theres a security cam 😀 so no posing haha
Reminds me of when i was in hong kong many years ago and i behaved like an ape in the lift only to get to the ground floor and notice the cam ....i'm pretty sure  early warning sats would have detected my heat signature!!
off to get last crowns put in ...they will be engraved ...any suggestions ?😉

Good for you!  And you got a few giggles out of me over big brother comments.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 30, 2018, 01:14:11 pm
Hi Markie,

  You do have this penchant for keeping your audience in suspense don't you? It is good the hear from you again. The weight redistribution sounds very good. Operations I have found are very good for causing weight loss but I sure as hell do not recommend having surgery to lose weight. But dang I could use getting rid of some. Someday you are going to let us see the results of your efforts aren't you?
  Glad to see you're doing better and trying to enjoy the locale.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 30, 2018, 06:12:41 pm
Good for you!  And you got a few giggles out of me over big brother comments.
😊😉thx..pleasure
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 30, 2018, 06:21:48 pm
Hi Markie,

  You do have this penchant for keeping your audience in suspense don't you? It is good the hear from you again. The weight redistribution sounds very good. Operations I have found are very good for causing weight loss but I sure as hell do not recommend having surgery to lose weight. But dang I could use getting rid of some. Someday you are going to let us see the results of your efforts aren't you?
  Glad to see you're doing better and trying to enjoy the locale.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Lol ok fair enough ....still looking mashed .....lots of swelling....hence the weight loss ....soups mainly  traditonal farm house style
Yes certainly surgery is to be avoided...going to have watch myself

(https://vgy.me/IgrTes.jpg)

After i get a reminder that my cc is about to expire .....which ive been using for cash advances since the new atm card i wasnt issued doesnt work .....still got paypal luckly .....ph call to bank in a few hrs......grrrr

(https://vgy.me/dgRayW.jpg)

I doubt ill have any decent pics for awhile .....

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 30, 2018, 06:35:58 pm
  I hope you get the card thing straightened out soon.

Now about this

Quote
I doubt ill have any decent pics for awhile .....

You will get there and you will post some pictures won't you?  :police:

 Hugs girly.
   Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 30, 2018, 06:50:13 pm
Oh for sure Laurie.....😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on January 31, 2018, 02:20:04 am
Oh for sure Laurie.....
I just saw the two pictures you posted, Markie. There's a bit of color there and some swelling but I can also see a softening of your features, a more feminine look. I think you are going to look even better when the colors go away and the swelling goes down.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on January 31, 2018, 06:35:46 pm
Lol ok fair enough ....still looking mashed .....lots of swelling....hence the weight loss ....soups mainly  traditonal farm house style
Yes certainly surgery is to be avoided...going to have watch myself

(https://vgy.me/IgrTes.jpg)

After i get a reminder that my cc is about to expire .....which ive been using for cash advances since the new atm card i wasnt issued doesnt work .....still got paypal luckly .....ph call to bank in a few hrs......grrrr

(https://vgy.me/dgRayW.jpg)

I doubt ill have any decent pics for awhile .....

Hi Markie

Great to see some pics and know you are well. I have had a few things on my plate over the last couple of week so have not had the chance to look in on you. I can see differences already and I am sure once the swelling goes down and the scar tissue does what it does you will be really happy with the outcome.

Glad to hear the weight is going back onto all the right places...feel free to have some of mine if you want I have plenty to spare!! LOL

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on January 31, 2018, 08:24:56 pm
Thanks  Laurie ....hope springs eternal ☺
Yes it has nelped a bit i think Liz but its early days yet got a face lift to do when the swelling subsides ....oh not looking forward to more cutting.....
Yes you have ..... you're  one strong lady 😊
Thanks girls ☺
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 01, 2018, 02:55:55 pm
As the swelling goes down getting loose skin...round jaws...will need that face lift other wise i'll look like a bulldog
with fish lips😆😂
Finally got my card sorted out with visa ....great emergency service...they will deliver one to me .
Whew😅
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on February 01, 2018, 05:28:48 pm
As the swelling goes down getting loose skin...round jaws...will need that face lift other wise i'll look like a bulldog
with fish lips😆😂
Finally got my card sorted out with visa ....great emergency service...they will deliver one to me .
Whew😅

Why do I get a picture in my head of Don Knotts playing Mr. Limpett?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 01, 2018, 07:44:05 pm
Lol i had to google that haha
https://youtu.be/pSm6oQcsc3I
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 01, 2018, 09:05:11 pm
Not the best light but the statue behind me is kinda appropriate
(https://vgy.me/THrJxC.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 07, 2018, 05:47:37 pm
So far so good ....still swollen as hell, soon as im able face lift next


(https://vgy.me/v7zAov.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on February 07, 2018, 07:15:25 pm
If time keeps flying as it is doing, I'll be a hundred years old next week.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on February 07, 2018, 08:38:44 pm
So far so good ....still swollen as hell, soon as im able face lift next


(https://vgy.me/v7zAov.jpg)
Looking better and better Markie. But where's that smile girl? You have worked hard for this girl. Now smile.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 08, 2018, 12:52:22 pm
Hi Laurie  mmm i have to learn how to smile again... now that i have lips lol....but my jaw is sore and the lip lift is too , you know i was off hrt for about 20 days .... my body noticed it  and i did too , amazingly  only a couple of days after restarting  i was getting sore uptop 😊
but i think some testosterone  has come back ....i have to shave every day now instead of every 3 😯
Still somewhat  washed out ....but a genuine  transitional  smile will happen eventually 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Allison S on February 08, 2018, 08:30:01 pm
Before and after you're attractive Markie. Hope you heal quickly!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on February 08, 2018, 08:51:39 pm
a genuine  transitional  smile will happen eventually 😊

 Okay Markie, I'll give you a by this time but I won't let you get away with it for long. I want to see that smile girl!

  Sore boobs? Could be a good sign....

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 09, 2018, 02:03:28 pm
Before and after you're attractive Markie. Hope you heal quickly!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Thank you Allison..... you wouldn't  believe how   relieved   i am to hear that ☺
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 09, 2018, 02:09:03 pm
Okay Markie, I'll give you a by this time but I won't let you get away with it for long

Hugs,
  Laurie

Lol 😊 .....yes Miss 😉
i,m 2 weeks  behind now in healing due to broken stitches  in the right jaw once that heals things should progress  rapidly
there are hummingbirds  in the garden i,m sitting in .....
Hope you're  fine
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 09, 2018, 02:14:15 pm
If time keeps flying as it is doing, I'll be a hundred years old next week.
That would be nothing to a time lord .....😉
Regeneration. .....hmmm i need to hit fast forward

Cheating pic taken with old tab  ...i like the dark 😆😉....thats the guest cat n the background  ....tempestuous  wee thing

(https://vgy.me/6cAAfX.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on February 09, 2018, 04:25:46 pm
Time Lady if you please :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 09, 2018, 05:16:20 pm
Time duchess/ countess ?...i think countess suits😊
Edit well from this "lady " is correct
The appellation "lord" is primarily applied to men, while for women the appellation "lady" is used. However, this is no longer universal: the Lord of Mann, a title currently held by the Queen of the United Kingdom, and female Lord Mayors are examples of women who are styled Lord.
Lord - Wikipedia
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on February 09, 2018, 07:09:38 pm
Time duchess/ countess ?...i think countess suits😊
Edit well from this "lady " is correct
The appellation "lord" is primarily applied to men, while for women the appellation "lady" is used. However, this is no longer universal: the Lord of Mann, a title currently held by the Queen of the United Kingdom, and female Lord Mayors are examples of women who are styled Lord.
Lord - Wikipedia

But I don't want to be a lord, how about a lordess?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 09, 2018, 09:53:38 pm
Lordess is perfect 😉☺
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on February 09, 2018, 11:20:29 pm
Lordess is perfect 😉☺

Okie Dokie!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 23, 2018, 02:29:53 pm
A few pics of the clinic will take some better ones , very aesthetic outside and in,
(https://vgy.me/HrAGcu.jpg)
(https://vgy.me/HrAGcu.jpg)
(https://vgy.me/95qw6J.jpg)
Aftercare has been great i got to meet Dr Cardenas's wife who worked on my nose, she is a specialist
soon to do a face lift , i am very happy with the results so far
I basically gave gave Dr Cardenas carte blanche to do what he saw fit within the parameters of our preop discussion, 
Guadulara is Mexico's equivalent of San francisco, its very laid back ,
No dramas here 😊
i'm staying at an lgbt friendly airbnb  guest house  very relaxing place to recuperate
(https://vgy.me/B9brOa.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 04, 2018, 02:14:52 pm
I said i would take some more photos of the clinic but this link shows the facilities better
www.innovarecirugiaplastica.com/galeria/

So why did i travel from perth australia all the way here? , through all my research i nailed it down to 3 surgeons
My very first choice long ago was Dr Cardenas, a few somewhat uncoventional reasons apart from the normal ones, i think the first that comes  to mind is his skill ...and experence over 200 ffs ops  a few can be seen on the transop site along with a lot of written successes from woman who have moved on .

Initially i had some reservations...i had the idea mexico was dangerous and bad cosmetic results....however
that maybe true in some places as in all , but i felt safer walking the streets at night then in melboune
and also it was so far away
But gdl is a world class city clean , and safe

Iwhen i saw Dr C together with his beautiful wife ....i thought thats a man with good taste in woman , and ioved the idea of his wife doing the rhinoplasty, actually i thought it was quite romantic them both working together,
I wanted some who was aggressive but an artist as well, as in my case i wasnt girly looking for a start so my aim
was for androgynous which fits with being nb for myself,.

Cost was a consideration as well but i could have gone to thailand and saved myself a fair bit but in the end at my age especially ffs is not something to skimp on

Anyway i made it clear that i did not want to try for beautiful or pretty due to my build ...but to try for handsome female ....not only is it a personal aesthetic  desire but also a pragmatic one for me
I have a friend who had gcs surgery early on and  was on hrt for over 3 years and she assured me that no amount of hrt changed her browline,nose ,jaw etc and it was true from her photos

Ffs was first on my list and hearing and seeing her story helped make my decision although im sure if nature has already laid the foundation, or one is young or both then experences will differ
enough has been done now i can let the hrt do the rest and i can say although initially i regretted my decision after all the swelling went down i could see and appreciate the skill of what had been done..

..i now have a set of lips ...yay!!! its remarkable how to me how Dr could gauge how much fat to infiltrate so as to compensate for the % of reabsorption  and get the right look.

I've yet to try makeup but if i wear a dewrag my face looks female and if i wear a cap it looks softish male
All in all its done wonders for my dysphoria ....and theres still more that could be done
But the foundation has been laid and im grateful for the result
I'll post some before and after photos when appropiate

Btw i've had comments from people who know me well that i have a great smile and look younger to others who havent seen me for some time and  that they had to do a double take

All in all from my view point its a big improvement from before .....still dont like my photo being taken though

I'm still here in Guadalajara making the best of my time off ....work is calling but i hope to have lasik and maybe the facelift before i head back....also since i,m so close i'd like to see the space museum in texas
Work.....always interfering....with my best laid plans lol



Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 07, 2018, 05:59:34 pm
This was taken a couple of weeks ago still some swelling
I need to have the face lift to take up the slack  but i see a change...depends what mirror im looking at
(https://vgy.me/x6btG5.jpg)

Oh and the clothes here....all sizes not like thailand where its all size 6 almost.....miles of fashion 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Allison S on March 07, 2018, 07:06:47 pm
Wow I think you're doing great Markie!! You look younger and more feminine. Have you tried on makeup after surgery yet?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 08, 2018, 10:57:13 am
Thanks Allison😊
I think Dr Cardenas and his wife  and team did a good job considering what they had to work with, bit of weight to lose now....
I havent tried any makeup as yet but i'm looking forward to it
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 08, 2018, 06:06:40 pm
Glad your doing better.  For some reason the last pic I saw was the one where you're my Mummy.  Haven't seen any of the others.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on March 08, 2018, 07:58:10 pm
This was taken a couple of weeks ago still some swelling
I need to have the face lift to take up the slack  but i see a change...depends what mirror im looking at
(https://vgy.me/x6btG5.jpg)

Oh and the clothes here....all sizes not like thailand where its all size 6 almost.....miles of fashion 😊

Oh wow what a difference...you look fabulous...I am so glad your experience has been so good. It sounds to me as though your research has paid off for you and that you are going to get the results you are wanting. Fantastic outcome...will have to look back and see what I missed over the last 2 months

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2018, 11:02:02 am
Thanks Liz your very kind  it seems to be getting  better slowly, its  better than i expected so thats something im grateful for that☺
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2018, 11:03:31 am
Glad your doing better.  For some reason the last pic I saw was the one where you're my Mummy.  Haven't seen any of the others.
Thanks Cassi😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2018, 12:08:43 pm
I kinda like this its almost a mantra to me ....sometning to embrace ie : social perceptions of others towards me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvQViPBAvPk
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 09, 2018, 12:29:56 pm
Harry Potter's dad, William :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2018, 02:56:46 pm
Mmm another snap shot ....still dodging reality useing the shadows and the beauty filter 😂😅😆
(https://vgy.me/pHEZq5.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 09, 2018, 02:58:38 pm
Mmm another snap shot ....still dodging reality useing the shadows and the beauty filter 😂😅😆
(https://vgy.me/pHEZq5.jpg)

Your filter is working great - can't see a thang! :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2018, 03:01:23 pm
Mmm thats strange maybe its your  browser ?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 09, 2018, 04:05:55 pm
Mmm thats strange maybe its your  browser ?

Probably the Devyln - she's always gets jealous :)-
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2018, 04:28:48 pm
Oh....?😊shows up in chrome ok 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 09, 2018, 04:32:30 pm
Oh....?😊shows up in chrome ok 😊

I use Firefox - it's my daughter's computer.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2018, 05:16:37 pm
Should show then i would have thought  a couple of others can see the photos so i dont think its the link ?
maybe it is ?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Deborah on March 09, 2018, 05:20:30 pm
I can see the pic in tapatalk so the link is good.  You’re also looking great!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 09, 2018, 05:21:11 pm
Should show then i would have thought  a couple of others can see the photos so i dont think its the link ?
maybe it is ?

I saw the clinic you were at but nothing else.  Just didn't want you to think I was ig-nor-ing you! :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2018, 05:35:23 pm
Thanks Deb you are too😊
Cassi thats ok  i understand thx 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on March 10, 2018, 12:20:40 am
Thanks Deb you are too
Cassi thats ok  i understand thx
I see the pic too in tapatalk. You are looking much better Markie.

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 11, 2018, 05:04:34 pm
Thanks Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cindy on March 11, 2018, 06:14:52 pm
Hi Hon,

Just caught up with this.

Looking really good! Well done.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 12, 2018, 08:31:35 pm
Thank you Cindy☺
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 16, 2018, 08:13:17 pm
Had a pleasant surprise  tonight , walking into the corner shop there was a lesbian woman there she gave me a brief cursory look then looked back her face brightened up big smile and she asked how i was she was pleased to meet me ....i wonder whether its the ffs or maybe she just recognised a kindred spirit , she was on a mission so we parted ways ....but it was nice whatever the reason
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Allison S on March 16, 2018, 08:44:08 pm
Had a pleasant surprise  tonight , walking into the corner shop there was a lesbian woman there she gave me a brief cursory look then looked back her face brightened up big smile and she asked how i was she was pleased to meet me ....i wonder whether its the ffs or maybe she just recognised a kindred spirit , she was on a mission so we parted ways ....but it was nice whatever the reason
Yeah you're andro now. Women always smile and say hi to me since I stopped getting sir'ed and gendered completely

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 17, 2018, 01:30:20 am
Good for you Markie!  May have been a time lordess in disguise :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 17, 2018, 05:38:53 pm
Music to my ears Allison😀😊 i seem to to be walking the edge between both....it seems....more to come
Well yes Cassi  it could be .....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 17, 2018, 10:28:52 pm
Music to my ears Allison😀😊 i seem to to be walking the edge between both....it seems....more to come
Well yes Cassi  it could be .....

One never knows do they?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 17, 2018, 11:36:43 pm
Its a big universe 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on March 18, 2018, 01:28:59 am
Had a pleasant surprise  tonight , walking into the corner shop there was a lesbian woman there she gave me a brief cursory look then looked back her face brightened up big smile and she asked how i was she was pleased to meet me ....i wonder whether its the ffs or maybe she just recognised a kindred spirit , she was on a mission so we parted ways ....but it was nice whatever the reason

Brilliant....love these kinds of spontaneous interactions they are the ones that seem to leave us feeling wonderful

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 18, 2018, 12:57:30 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwUsIMJPlYk
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 18, 2018, 02:41:04 pm
Yes Liz there are moments  that was the second time a female has shown intrest in me as me 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 18, 2018, 02:47:09 pm
Very mellow Cassi ...i,m just sitting here amongst the lush garden cat sleeping at my side .....having a beer.....and e joying just chilling 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 18, 2018, 04:54:55 pm
Very mellow Cassi ...i,m just sitting here amongst the lush garden cat sleeping at my side .....having a beer.....and e joying just chilling 😊

What kind of beer?  I still have that can of Fosters in the frig.  Bummer, it's only 4. alcohol percentage.  Bought some Kona beers on sale (12 pack - 10 dollars).  Variety pack, 4 - 6 AC.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 25, 2018, 02:13:38 am
Corona 😈

Came across this nice little tune ....its stuck in my head

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCoqOCvhSR0&app=desktop
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 25, 2018, 05:51:40 pm
Corona 😈

Came across this nice little tune ....its stuck in my head

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCoqOCvhSR0&app=desktop

I have a beer glass freezing in the freezer for one of those Kona's, the 6% which has been sitting in there for 3 or 4 days now.

Now, my dear friend, CORONA????

Kinda like Mexico's answer to Coors, lol.

When I was a teenager Coors went down so smoothly.  Got on a tough guy kick and started drinking Old English 800. 
Then it was Budweiser and Marlboro cigarettes, lol.

For the past 20-30 years I've preferred a good Bock or other dark beer. 

Cheers!  And BTW, the "Thinking Out Loud" is making me hear voices :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 26, 2018, 08:51:22 pm
Haha really? do you answer them ?
Kona is that hawian beer ?....er its corona extra ....5%
Clamato is.good for a.hangover😉
My fave is broome west australias matsuo chilli beer 😃
Bohemia atm
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cassi on March 26, 2018, 09:59:53 pm
Haha really? do you answer them ?
Kona is that hawian beer ?....er its corona extra ....5%
Clamato is.good for a.hangover😉
My fave is broome west australias matsuo chilli beer 😃
Bohemia atm

Of course I answer them!  Do you think I'm crazy and want to listen to them yell at me all night?????

Kona is Hawaiian.  Never had it before.

At least your Corona has a kick, lol.

Use to drink a beer called Bohemian or something like that.

Finally drank that Fosters - was nothing like the ones the Aussie Sailors had :)

First time of hearing about Broome.

Cheers!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on March 31, 2018, 09:04:37 pm
Haven't been by in awhile and just wondering how you are doing...how is the recovery? Hope your looking as glamourous as you were hoping to?...You back in Aus yet?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on April 01, 2018, 05:19:10 pm
Hi Liz .....mmmm not glamourous.....feeling a bit bland .....well still got the face lift to go ....and i think some cheek  implants are in order .....still here in mexico ....waiting ....seems sometimes things drag on
if things dont start moving soon ....i shall be back in oz shortly ......😊

(https://vgy.me/nE2RQI.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/ERBbcL.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on April 10, 2018, 10:26:03 pm
dang missed the pics again...Hope your feeling a bit better than bland!!! How's Mexico...I remember my oldest brother saying he went to Mexico and said he swore the entire time he was there as he kept bumping his head on stuff (he is 6ft 3) and the doorways all seemed to be shorter than he is used too...LOL
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on April 20, 2018, 06:36:26 pm
Hi Liz Mexico is good.... and im better ...had  a couple of bad viruses
but looks like I'll be ready to do the face lift on may 9th, and maybe cheek augmentation meantime I'll go further afield to take in more of this amazing
Country , might be going to Texas  for a couple of nights to take in a fav band at the levitation festival,
There's a lot more of the USA I'd like to see but you know how our dollar is...
and i must get back to work too.... I think I kinda got lost here 🙄😏
Mmm think I'll be getting my ears adjusted as well
 It's funny and I don't know if it's the same for all ffs patients but with me probably due to my age but there was like a honeymoon period where I looked ok but now skin sag has set in no doubt due to the bonework  and I look like .....well not  very good in my opinion ...I can't even really see any female but then my friend said that's it's possibly due to seeing a man's face in the mirror the last 40 yes ....well I hope so ...
Anyway when I get home I'll buy a decent quality mirror that might make a difference....and well I guess a wig.... I've been toying with the idea of getting a mandala style head tattoo
Hope you're fine 😊


Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on April 20, 2018, 11:45:25 pm
Hi Markie,

  I saw the new avatar picture and can't believe you need more work done girl. You are looking gooood!!
  I hope the rest is just touch up because the change is already unbelievable. Best of luck and watch out for them boys

 Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on April 21, 2018, 11:32:06 pm
Hi Liz Mexico is good.... and im better ...had  a couple of bad viruses
but looks like I'll be ready to do the face lift on may 9th, and maybe cheek augmentation meantime I'll go further afield to take in more of this amazing
Country , might be going to Texas  for a couple of nights to take in a fav band at the levitation festival,
There's a lot more of the USA I'd like to see but you know how our dollar is...
and i must get back to work too.... I think I kinda got lost here 🙄😏
Mmm think I'll be getting my ears adjusted as well
 It's funny and I don't know if it's the same for all ffs patients but with me probably due to my age but there was like a honeymoon period where I looked ok but now skin sag has set in no doubt due to the bonework  and I look like .....well not  very good in my opinion ...I can't even really see any female but then my friend said that's it's possibly due to seeing a man's face in the mirror the last 40 yes ....well I hope so ...
Anyway when I get home I'll buy a decent quality mirror that might make a difference....and well I guess a wig.... I've been toying with the idea of getting a mandala style head tattoo
Hope you're fine 😊

Hi Markie....looking really good in your avatar...sounds like your friend is right...I can see female easily and it probably is the 40 years of seeing a man in the mirror. I still struggle with this myself....I do see her more often that I used too but I still see him at least half the time. Don't know about the skin sag as I can't see it myself.

I think all this takes time for it to sink in and I am sure once you are back to work you will realise how much you have changed. Good luck with the face lift hopefully it will be smooth sailing for you.

I am pretty well, keeping busy organising the funds for my GCS in November...its all starting to fall into place with the next week or so being when I will know how much I can fund out of my super. Other than that life remains pretty quiet and I am finding things to keep me busy.

Take care

Liz

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 02, 2018, 03:43:35 pm
Wow you must be so excited Liz  thanks.for the kimd words😊

Well after getting to mexico city and  seeing  and climbing the pyramids.....it was time to vist oaxcana ....for more
History and culture ....except i got the wrong flight i had a feeling i had ...pilot even said over the radio " if your on the wrong flight nows the time to disembark" 😂😂😂
But after all the waiting and hoo hah ....i thought id just wing it...indeed wrong jet... I ended up in a seaside place puerto escondido ......very relaxed and friendly ....but i have the f/lift on the 9th so i dont have time to go  oaxocana have to go straight back to guadalajara  ....hmmm
I.m not seeing  female.in these 😐😥 maybe the face lift and biggeer lipps and cheeks will help
(https://vgy.me/GmqNnE.jpg)


(https://vgy.me/zkQEgl.jpg)


(https://vgy.me/gtysQ0.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 12, 2018, 06:40:20 pm
Had post to go with this but too tired redo it later

(https://vgy.me/gosUWS.jpg)

So this times things are going better,  clinic got some special  blood made up for me seeing as I tend to bleed everywhere,  had the face lift,  oloplasty,  cheeks  and lips enhanced  with fat transfer.... I feel a bit like a cat with one of those surgical  collars around it's neck.... 4 different  drips and machine that goes beep (but I soon turned that off)  whew no more surgery  for me for a while....... Lucky  for pain meds......
The team at the clinic  have been marvelous  ,  and are looking  after me well,  Dr Cardenas  has been in and out
to assess my progress , quite a warm friendly  man,  but at the same time has the air of ships captain.
it's a good thing I asked for an xtra night in hospital  as I doubt I could have coped  it took nurses round the clock to get me sorted the first couple of days and I've agreed to stay  here till they discharge  me.... makes sense
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: MissyMay2.0 on May 12, 2018, 09:09:52 pm
Had post to go with this but too tired redo it later

(https://vgy.me/gosUWS.jpg)

So this times things are going better,  clinic got some special  blood made up for me seeing as I tend to bleed everywhere,  had the face lift,  oloplasty,  cheeks  and lips enhanced  with fat transfer.... I feel a bit like a cat with one of those surgical  collars around it's neck.... 4 different  drips and machine that goes beep (but I soon turned that off)  whew no more surgery  for me for a while....... Lucky  for pain meds......
The team at the clinic  have been marvelous  ,  and are looking  after me well,  Dr Cardenas  has been in and out
to assess my progress , quite a warm friendly  man,  but at the same time has the air of ships captain.
it's a good thing I asked for an xtra night in hospital  as I doubt I could have coped  it took nurses round the clock to get me sorted the first couple of days and I've agreed to stay  here till they discharge  me.... makes sense
Congratulations for getting what you wanted to have done😊 Surgey isn’t fun, but as they say in Louisiana, le-say lay bohn tomps roo-lay!(let the good times roll😀).
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on May 12, 2018, 10:27:47 pm
 Haven't I seen that picture before? You behave yourself this time Markie. No more of those rushes back to emergency. Do you hear me?

  I am happy for you that you are getting the work you want to have done.
 I was wondering about you just the other day. Thanks for checking in.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 13, 2018, 09:06:08 am
Thanks Missy I think this one will give the look I hope..... 😊

Yes Laurie when the swelling  goes down I think it will beworth it
you sure get around don't you?
I've been keeping an eye on you😊

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on May 13, 2018, 10:58:50 pm
 I'm hopeful for you getting that look you are wanting Markie. Heal quick and heal good my friend. I am looking forward to seeing the finished product when you are happy with it.

  Yep, I do get around a little bit. At least in the USA.  Give me a few days and I can be anywhere in the country. I have driven easily 1.25 million miles w/o a moving violation on my record. I did have one for a DUII (I was actually not driving at the time) but it was removed after fulfilling the terms of the diversion program.
  I'm sure I have a few more miles in me yet. That last road trip covered 10,208 miles.

 Get well soon Markie.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on May 15, 2018, 02:39:39 am
Oh Heck you went and did it to yourself again....but then you said you would LOL I should understand by now how well planned out you have all this. I am sure you will look gorgeous...Will look forward to so updated pics when you feel better.. :D

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 15, 2018, 01:06:24 pm
Hi Liz yes just what I was thinking,
It was a mission... I went through  13 plasma units  and 1 globular package, my Hematologist  even visited
he did a good job.....
gorgeous  would be nice..... but you know I feel  so much better in myself
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 15, 2018, 07:53:29 pm
Well thinking  on  what  you both said.... I think it would be a highlight  for me if some little kid asked me if I was a boy or a girl
Something  simple.
Though no doubt it will the Spanish inquisition   at the wet mess😅😳😆
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on May 15, 2018, 09:21:20 pm
(https://vgy.me/rp2tLL.jpg)

No makeup 🙄
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on May 16, 2018, 08:44:37 pm
Well thinking  on  what  you both said.... I think it would be a highlight  for me if some little kid asked me if I was a boy or a girl
Something  simple.
Though no doubt it will the Spanish inquisition   at the wet mess😅😳😆

Oh yeah the wet mess could be heaps of fun..it will certainly make for some interesting conversations

Still battered and bruised but looking a bit better than you did.

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 13, 2018, 07:10:11 pm
True Liz  :)
Well finally back in Oz one week and sent up to a new job site .. quite a few of mates from my last job , and at.the wetness a couple of them mentioned
they would not have recognised me were it not for my tattooed blue eyes
Sooooo I guess my appearance has changed ,
I went and saw my hrt doc this time with light makeup on and he was amazed...I think others must see the changes more than me ... I'm very happy with the result Dr Cárdenas and his team gave me , he is really good with estimation of fat transfer Vs reabsorption and I got a good result with my cheeks, I had to stay in the clinic for 5 days due to complications as a result of my own health problems, but it was a good stay the nurses were fantastic and I was really well looked after , even my hemotologist visited me,
It will be interesting to see how a good make over goes ,
I've not had any flak concerning my new look at work and
Woman chat to me about what they would.like to get done
As the camp is like a mini town , with about 90 % men I have noticed some men checking me out out of curiousity
anyway early days yet ...now I have to lose weight in the right places if I wear a singlet or a t shirt I wear a Nike compression top underneath
Next on the agenda is a deep skin peel to try and get rid of the acne scars
I'm grateful to be back at work ...now I can work at getting back in the black
I look quite different from my passport photo though it did not cause me any trouble in entering and exiting DFW thought one counter the security woman looked at me and then my passport photo and smiled to herself
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on June 13, 2018, 11:23:15 pm
 Hi Drexy,

  Glad to see you made it back to OZ and back to work. It is going to be fun getting used to calling you Drexy. I can't say I have ever heard of someone being called that. Is there a story behind it? I am also glad to see you looking umm different... quite different. I guess that would be the best way to put it with your last posted picture. With your eyes still all brised and that dark hood you make a good Halloween scary monk or druid. But that will change and then we will get a good look at how everything came out. The cleared, healed up areas are looking really good.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 14, 2018, 02:09:09 am
Thank you Laurie , yes there is a story behind my choice of Drexy 😏😉
I'm glad the difference is noticeable, I don't miss the bruising at all ,yes
Was looking like a female version of Darth Sidious lol
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cindy on June 14, 2018, 02:12:54 am
Nice to see you safely back Hon.

Are back up north west?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 14, 2018, 11:59:08 am
Hi Cindy  had to change my password
Thanks yes back in the northwest 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 17, 2018, 06:20:55 am
So far so good all my work mates have been cool one said "you've changed" and my voice as well ...lack of testosterone I guess probably quieter  not so baritone ....I'm sure as peeps get their heads around it there will be more questions ....but must say I'm blessed to work with such broad-minded people.....had a guy wink at me in the mess hall ....wonder what that means ....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 20, 2018, 06:31:20 am
(https://vgy.me/BfsPjV.jpg)


Thread
Today on the bus back from work
I interrogated the workmate who had straight up said I  had changed  he said my voice has changed as well .....
We worked that out to the new teeth  I have , he was interested in discussing and asked me what I had had done as he  had only recognized me walking past due to my bandanna I told a couple of white lies
He asked if the eye brows were transplants lol I said no as if they were I would have a full head of hair I didn't want to explain the orbital shaving
He teased me a bit about my pouty top lip...I think it needs more work
No one has said I look feminine yet and I doubt they will maybe one of my gf,s perhaps
I've had some stern looks from a couple of men ,and suspicious looks from a red.neck or two other than that everything one is pretty cool ... I'm 1000 miles away from Perth in the middle of the norwest desert we have serious rules in camp concerning  harrasment so that helps plus the fact we all work long hours nso atmthe end of the day people just want a couple of drinks and to socialise.....lots of familier faces from the last job it's.good a crew is like  an extended family so we're all pleased.to see each other
This is a quick snap of a photo I took un prepared in my truck it's.been 5 weeks since.last surgery but what I notice is the beginnings of then sparkle in my eyes of that elusive happiness  happiness I so craved from seeing on the eyes of others who have transitioned
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Cindy on June 20, 2018, 06:49:17 am
WOW!

Hon that is quite a change. I had only seen the bruised and battered post surgery pics until now.

Very nice. What a lovely smile and that sparkle and a glint in the eyes.

Yea!!!!!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on June 20, 2018, 11:45:10 am
Hi Drexy,

  My gosh girl you are looking so much nicer now that the healing has a good hold. It is a wonder you are only getting some suspicious look and not being seen for the beautiful person we see in you Hun.  I too think I can see that twinkle peeking out from your eyes. Hun, be happy in who you are inside. That is who you are and who we see. Let yourself shine.

 Hugs,
    Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 20, 2018, 04:19:17 pm
Thank you Ladies 😊yes I definitely do not miss the yoke of test around my neck,
Mmm I used to wear a size 3xl work shirt and have gone done to a an XL but I might need  2xl soon as I'm starting to fill out in unexpected places😂🤗🙄
Actually I don't mind it's not as awkward as I thought
But main thing is the mindset .....such a relief
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on June 21, 2018, 06:15:39 am
Wow looking so good and I love the new name...congratulations looking really really amazing


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 21, 2018, 07:17:44 am
Thank you Liz ....your looking pretty darn good yourself😉
Yes things are going quite well ....it's an unusual experience being like this in such a small population.....you know the strangest thing is the amount of interested woman that cheçk me out
When I was big powerful markie I got a lot of interest ..,.but this. Is different ....it's almost as if they know what I am doing and approve ........😳
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 23, 2018, 04:32:05 pm
(https://vgy.me/mJomqQ.jpg)

Looking forward to getting back to Perth ....makeover and a serious wig I think
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on June 23, 2018, 04:43:17 pm
 You are looking pretty good there Drexy. That smile says a lot about how you are now feeling about yourself. I think you are liking yourself better girl and it is showing through. Good to see you healing up so well.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 24, 2018, 02:57:43 am
Thank you Laurie ...yes true I'm happy how things turned out it's good to be looking closer to my real self👍😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on June 24, 2018, 11:28:12 am
You look great Drexy!  What a change!  You certainly look happy and that's most important.
Judi
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 24, 2018, 06:42:42 pm
Thanks Judi 😊 yes sometimes I sometimes am giddy with happiness
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on June 29, 2018, 05:46:45 am
Hmmm had a unusual  experience today while my car was getting  a new sound  system fitted  ....i went for an hour of massage , i asked for just back legs and arms as i,m a bit shy about having a bare top these days ....so all was going well then the therapist  put my arm behind my back and lifted ....i thought uh oh  shes going to see ....anyway did the other arm  and then at the end of the massage asked me to lie on my back i had the towel handy so no problem  there but then she started massaging my uppper pecs (or whats left of them ....too close for comfort ..... i think she was curious .... her hands were going futher down😰 not big deal i guess cept my body suddenly  decided to make me aware of a new erogenous zone !! I couldn't  believe  .....havent  had any movement down there for months and even trying  to initiate didnt work...i was going to get the lelo out ......but all of a sudden  that area came alive i had to put my hads over my crotch  area  to hide what was going on underwear  and a towel was not going to be enough  ....,whew only got half way there .... but i never though that would happen ....i made sure my back was to her when i stood up.......never ever had something  like that happen to me even before hormones 
....noticed  the brother of my friend  looking at my top whe  i was standing sideways to him......i,m enjoying  the changes ......but it brings new challenges
Including  the new found intrest of a few woman  in camp including  gal's  who hardly ever spoke to me at previous  jobs .....i dont don't  get it
But now while its obvious  the invitations  ate there ......because of obivious  changes up top  .....i dont know what kind of reactions /reaction  i will get well at least after  todays incident  i know i would be able to perform😞
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 02, 2018, 08:11:45 am
At my doctors  appointment   today when he called me in he just used my surname and again when ordering  blood tests over the phone... I look forward  to my appointments with him  he's  such a cool guy no 5 min consult  with him! he complimented  me on my progress  he said he can't help but just gaze at me... as I just radiate  a calmness that is in stark contrast  to when he first met me.. when I was fighting  my male hormones....he touched a spot there his comment  was so accurate so strange  all those years of fear,anxiety, awkwardness  of  someone trying to be what they were not, I can now look back at that child  for who they were and how  they were crushed
I said to doc... I wished I had started  earlier he said  I usually  tell people not to go there.... If we could  have got to you when you were 18 ...but it was a moot point because  back then no-one really knew about this spectrum.. which for my part of the world  was very true
Hmm last time I was there he joculary suggested one day went might get me into a pink dress
Well yes sure would love to... but though ive stopped all body building  I've still got a back like a delta wing bomber😐
This time he remarked  that he wasn't sure about  my my heavy metal dress code and then chided himself saying he was not one to be able to comment  on fashion  .. .i replied  I just go with black... you can't go wrong  with black

Hmm back tracking  ...back in camp at work  I think I had moment with one of my coworkers workers
At the wetness  ....next day he was kinda annoyed  with me....and gruff and standoffish  but I just matched his manner I'm sure we will patch it up... I have to be more careful😳
I wonder if my sexuality  is drifting...
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 02, 2018, 06:45:19 pm
Hey Drexy (love the name)

Wow you have been a busy girl haven't you. The appointment with your Dr sounded interesting you mentioned that he only used your surname...did that bother you a bit? I don't like it when people do that top me and you can tell if its deliberate...its not too hard to pick up.

When I was 18 I sought out a counsellor who was the first to suggest the idea to me that I might be transsexual....I ran like hell...dove deeper into the bottle and decided on a conscious level that I could "beat this" (being trans)..well we both know the outcome LOL here I am transitioning. Do I regret running at 18 instead of dealing with it...yes and no I would not have had the family I now have and the amazing people I now have in my life if I had chosen to transition at 18...I still sometimes whimsically try to imagine my life if I had followed the advice of that first therapist...but I can never get past not having my wife and daughters in my life and that helps ease things when thinking about the decision I made at 18

We do what we have too, to get through...the "what if I had done this earlier a question/debate" has no way to really answer  and your Dr saying to "not go there" is wise advice indeed. 

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 03, 2018, 06:00:43 am
Hi Liz thanks for you insight .....yes how ironic your first contact was that is pretty impressive for the sth island way back then but I do understand diving into the bottle I spent over half my lift numbing myself with various substances.....
I guess in the end it's just karma
With my doctor just using my surname ....it was the first time ...and during our conversation he asked me if I had another name he smiled when I told him my most feminine name "Freya" that was bestowed on me by my stylist  and now friend ....hmmm. I'm not out just yet I'm actually waiting for my mates to misgender me and  or ask what's going on
But you know apart from that life is so much sweeter I'm so much in more communication with other people , I wouldn't swap this feeling for a million dollars ....
It's good to be at peace 😊
Oh I forgot during the ribald banter on the bus back to camp one of my roguish mates referred to me as ' bitch "  but it was kinda gentle  not condescending...
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 03, 2018, 09:27:01 pm

Oh I forgot during the ribald banter on the bus back to camp one of my roguish mates referred to me as ' bitch "  but it was kinda gentle  not condescending...

It kinda feels weirdly ok though...

Sounds like your Dr is onboard with you and the surname use was in deference to using a male name...that shows some real insight into our world.

I glad to hear you are feeling so good.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 04, 2018, 06:11:43 am
Yes spot on Liz 👌👍😊 that's it exactly  I think he might be doing a tag team with my
Psychiatrist ....she was badgering him about what was happening with me when I disappeared into Mexico  bless her ..... finally people who understand and care
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 08, 2018, 02:28:08 am
I'm having good days and ugly days.... sometimes  I look in the mirror  and I think good, them I will see my reflection in my ph or off a window  and it's bad.....
I guess i should  be grateful  that anything   old have been done with my old face but at least I have anew starting point for a cosmetic  surgeon  to start from.... It's like peeling back layers.... In that it has to be done carefully else of you go for gold from the start and mess it up then there nowhere to go from there
Like the song says "you can't always  get what you want
But if you try you might just find you get what you need"
Anyway not every caterpiller turns into a butterfly..... but at least you have your wings😉
It's my third week at this camp about 800 people most of which are male
I I now am getting  the concept of men's one track minds ....lots of testosterone
floating around here,  with the one track mind thing well I dress like a guy but I wear a lot of Jewellery and,  and I've  had my ffs.... but I'm still 6ft and though not powerfully  built any more... I still have the attitude  of when I was , Mmm maybe it's the earings.... or maybe I'm attracting closeted bi guys
We had a barbecue the other night and one of my workmates came up and started chatting  with me... I was enjoying  the conversation  ....but I was also nervous becuase  I was kinda attracted  to him
He,s a big stocky heavily tattooed  rough sort of guy...
It seems  that's the sort of man I'm attracted  to... Masculine  men...
Which kinda makes sense  as Markie was a big powerful masculine  man himself
It gets weirder because though I find the attraction  to these type of males
It's as a female and I think if I had the right plumbing and body I wouldnt  hesitate.... But if if I was to have grs  then I would  just be a plain looking big middle aged woman... and on the shelf
although  in these camps we have the "pilbara princess " syndrome
Where a woman who wouldn't  looked at twice in the city... Up here becomes  desirable
We all know why aye haha
now a year into Hrt I can see quite clearly what the primary  drive of men is....
On the good side my communication with others is so much better and I'm so calm mostly
Little social things dont bother me and I don't seem to mind not being dominant not exactly subordinate
but I'm finding I'm being slowly relegated to that anyway
By men... but at the same time being treated more gently?
I've notice a couple  of guys have had to pull themselves  back from touching  me in a familiar  amicable way
I tend not to look men in the eyes now it's just look straight  ahead and keep walking
One of the guys and a table I was at gave me a hostile look
but I could I could hear Markie in the background  murmur  don't worry we could  wipe the floor with him
....
My work shirts shrank and it's becoming  obvious to me what's happening  up top I can't put my ph in my top pocket because it gets pushed out too far it won't be long before they're  man boob's will not cut it anymore
Ho-hum  life goes on....

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on July 08, 2018, 12:14:50 pm
Good days and bad... It does take some time for us to mentally adjust to the "new" person we've become, or that we're finally letting the world see.  I understand you are in a highly charged community which will be quite the test, but it seems you're well known and respected.  From what I read things are going well.  You have much to be happy and proud of.  Hugs!
Judi
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 08, 2018, 09:16:06 pm
Thx Judi ..... looking back  I see that you are right.....true for me coming out is a slow
 process because I am giving the people that know me time to process my gradual change 😗
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 09, 2018, 12:25:03 am
Hi Drexy

There is so much in that post of yours that I am not sure where to start.

I think it has to be tough to go through all the surgeries you have and get yourself starting to feel good about your feminine appearance only to have to hide it again when you return to work. I bet many of your colleagues are confused as to why they are suddnely attacted to you...your feminine ways shining through LOL

It is not at all weird thinking in the way you do...when I think about what attracts me I always come back to what it is that really gets my blood boiling and I have to admit its guys. Took me a long time to be able to say that  ;) :D But....and  it's a big BUT... but only if they see me as female. I have always thought in these kind of terms. A guy wanting me because I have guy equipment is a turn off for me.


Our perception of how look and appear to others is always slow to catch up on the reality. Most of us seem to think we look way "worse" than many of those around us think. I suspect its difficult to know unless you are able to express your feminity in other ways or times. Maybe its time for Drexy to be out and about in the world? Just sayin  ;D :D :D


Sounds like interesting times ahead at the very least


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 09, 2018, 06:06:43 am
Mmmm Liz you hit the nail on the head..... that's me exactly. too.... in regard  to males  same same the idea of a guy wanting me for my male bits is revolting.... do you think we become  more emotional  as our journey  continues.... OMG I would  never have thought about getting  warm and fuzzy with a guy..... but I can't deny  it 😳 I find them entrancing  and alternativlely gross..... go figure....
Well I hope and pray  that you are right about our perceptions  of our selves.....btw you are looking  really good... ahhh hair maketh  the woman
Haha yes well Drexy is going to get a make over   in ten days or so and go out 😉
I think i will confuse the hell out of people lol 
😊which is just fine with me....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 10, 2018, 01:40:56 am
More power to you.....confuse the crap out of them!!! >:-)


I hear you and feel exactly the same way...I think most of the issues I have, are about my own prejudices towards men and that old hangover from my previous incarnation. But that again comes back to the way we actually feel about ourselves as well. I have to get used to the idea that being a woman attracted to guys is perfectly normal....and OK....and actually encouraged by society...I think I have always been attracted to men in the way you and I talk about but since I never ever knew it was possible I would not accept my attraction to men as a woman when being a woman was not possible for me but now its more about giving myself permission to be with a guy. It has this surprising yet familiar effect on me when I start thinking about guys and with girls to a much lesser extent...who knows maybe one day I will learn what all this fuss is about when it comes to sex LOL  ;D

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 10, 2018, 03:51:14 am
Yes well now our confusion has cleared... lots of guilt for me about my attraction  for a very long time but that has been  resolved  now as has with you😊
I may never find out for real but you will have the chance... 😉

Uh oh I was heading into the pit and heard a couple  of ops commenting over the 2way
all I heard was my surname from one and  the words Bruce Jenner  from the other... ( guy who called me as bitch)
😅
 and the my supervisor  was taking me to unload some heavy equipment
While we were waiting  for the go ahead he was teasing  me about a a Nick name
due to my eyes and teeth... I joked along... and he said well at least  you have sense of humour
if it was a birthmark  or something  one wouldn't  comment.... but obviously  you want to stand out
Otherwise  it would be like a chick getting  a boob job and then getting  upset because people notice or look....
....coincidences?
Surely.... I don't dress or behave like a female...
My friend  did warn me as time goes on people  would treat me differently  and that it is almost  insidious the way it creeps up on you.... perhaps  FFS has hastened  that
..... I,m not ready  for prime time!!!! 😬😅😳😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Charlie Nicki on July 11, 2018, 11:20:24 am
Hey Drexy,

I enjoy your stories lol! It's fun to see how your interactions are changing along with your appearance. It's weird cuz I'm already full time yet I don't sense much of a change? Or maybe it's my freaking depression not letting me notice. Guys who didn't know me before do act differently, some are nicer and flirtatious. But the ones who know from before don't really know how to treat me lol.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 11, 2018, 05:28:28 pm
hi Charlie Niki.....
that's good 👍 well you know based on your previous app avatar and now your present one and you did mention your from Columbia it appears to me your young curvy and attractive 😊 and living in Sydney well looks like.you got.a lot going for you not wonder guys are.flirty with you !!
While people.around me.here are.robust and some are.crude and rough I seem to do okay in some ways I'm lucky w we have very strict.anti discrimination and harrasment rules
which keeps most in trim but there's always a way to get.around them if someone wants to
as a point one of the new starters is someone I worked with at another minesite after work in the iceroom I said do you remember me we worked at.blah blah and were at the bar talking about your daughter ....refreshed his memory by describing myself ....his reply ...too many chemicals under the bridge.....but he said I heard ..that you've changed.a lot (no kidding.🤣)
so long being while I might not hear of it ...tongues are wagging .....have to admit everyone's been good.considering the changes since.they last saw.me...ie.gong from a rough looking massive bodybuilder ....to whatever I am.....
Still I feel I have to be cautious......for.my own sake and out of consideration for the others around me ......anyway with my build ....be a long time before I could wear something female
Anyway everyone here is in work clothes and steel boots 13hrs a day.....
As far.as.men go.in these places there tends to be  a " every holes a goal" mentality 🙄
I dare say if I bounced up with a set of FF,s bolt on s and a skirt and makeup I'd blow a few minds ... including perhaps my own ....I showed that guy a former photo to jog his memory and his response loudly at the bar was " you were a good looking man !!! " So,s wheres leave.me...second time that's been said ....yuck
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 12, 2018, 05:17:40 am
Mmmm today at lunch one of the girls asked me in frt of everyone if I was a bit goth....yes I answered then she said ah yes explains the teeth then she asked why did I get my eyes tattooed.....I said mid life crisis....then she said ...are you sure....
ooooh ....I think they're closing in on me 😳🤔 what a delicious blend of reparte and trepidation.....gulp
I sure hope I get this right not just for me but for our community....
Hmmm looks like I'm not the only trans in the village.....bumped into her in the laundry.....I think I spooked her .....she went out and then came in again but then I startled a cis girl as well
Whew Judi is right ....this is a charged atmosphere.....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on July 12, 2018, 07:58:17 am
Interesting!!  People are more observant than we imagine I guess.  Sounds like you're still having fun  Don't panic, enjoy the moment.  It's what you've been waiting for.
Judi
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 12, 2018, 08:42:06 am
Awww your such a sweetie  Judi ....thank you 😚
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Charlie Nicki on July 12, 2018, 09:02:39 am
hi Charlie Niki.....
that's good 👍 well you know based on your previous app avatar and now your present one and you did mention your from Columbia it appears to me your young curvy and attractive 😊 and living in Sydney well looks like.you got.a lot going for you not wonder guys are.flirty with you !!
While people.around me.here are.robust and some are.crude and rough I seem to do okay in some ways I'm lucky w we have very strict.anti discrimination and harrasment rules
which keeps most in trim but there's always a way to get.around them if someone wants to
as a point one of the new starters is someone I worked with at another minesite after work in the iceroom I said do you remember me we worked at.blah blah and were at the bar talking about your daughter ....refreshed his memory by describing myself ....his reply ...too many chemicals under the bridge.....but he said I heard ..that you've changed.a lot (no kidding.🤣)
so long being while I might not hear of it ...tongues are wagging .....have to admit everyone's been good.considering the changes since.they last saw.me...ie.gong from a rough looking massive bodybuilder ....to whatever I am.....
Still I feel I have to be cautious......for.my own sake and out of consideration for the others around me ......anyway with my build ....be a long time before I could wear something female
Anyway everyone here is in work clothes and steel boots 13hrs a day.....
As far.as.men go.in these places there tends to be  a " every holes a goal" mentality 🙄
I dare say if I bounced up with a set of FF,s bolt on s and a skirt and makeup I'd blow a few minds ... including perhaps my own ....I showed that guy a former photo to jog his memory and his response loudly at the bar was " you were a good looking man !!! " So,s wheres leave.me...second time that's been said ....yuck

Thanks for the compliments babe! Well I haven't been able to enjoy much yet since I'm still trying to handle my feelings of depression.

Anyways, I didn't know you lived in Sydney! I was there last year for a couple of months and absolutely loved it. Beautiful city with friendly and gorgeous people. OMG the men are so hot.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 12, 2018, 04:33:38 pm
Your welcome  Charlie Niki.... actually I've only been to Sydney once or twice never really had a good look around I live in Perth when I'm not working away
I'm sorry to how about your depression though...I've been through that..was about ten years until I got the right help which turned out to be a srri (lexapro) and hrt I think hrt has had the most benefit though....I hope you can get a handle on that you're too young to waste your youth suffering .....chin up ....don't give up
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 17, 2018, 12:05:22 am
Got my latest bloods yesterday , well all is good I think, used female ranges to compare and my estrogen is good and surprise....my testosterone has actually gone down one point...! I'm surprised because I'm not taking any blockers
So my t is a bit above the lowest range for a female....I hope it doesn't go lower
Luckily I never took the Spiro the doc gave me  or I would have killed it all off. ..not good


Androgens

 

Date               26/10/16  30/06/17  20/09/17  02/07/18

Time               1345      1031      1631      1443

Lab No.            443733016 426172317 426956781 428350772 Units     Reference

 

Testosterone        73.7 H    16.4       0.5 L    <0.4 L   nmol/L    (8.0-28.3)

SHBG.                  8 L      13 L                       nmol/L    (21-77)

FAI                  921 H     126 H                                 (27.0-65.5)

Free Testosterone 2891.3 H   521.3 H                       pmol/L    (185-437)


Hormones

 

Date               08/08/16  30/06/17  20/09/17  02/07/18

Time               1330      1031      1631      1443

Lab No.            443561376 426172317 426956781 428350772 Units     Reference

 

Oestradiol           673 H     <25 L     233 H     410 H   pmol/L    (28-156)

 

I feel good though, in fact better than I ever have
especially mentally...
It's amazing ...that quip about running on the right fuel....it's really true ..I guess it was meant to be ironic
In the wet mess the other night we had two tables that were apart  so my workmate called out for me to drag.it over and make one,....I called out that they were bolted down....he says just rip em up....I retorted that a year ago I could have ....I pulled out my mob and showed off a pic of Markie for the girls .....they were amazed at the change ....my mate kinda hung his head ...like it seemed in disappointment
Well he remembers me from the last job
Up
Yes Markie was a beast of a man
100 push ups to warm than 30 straight reps 100kg bench press ...before going heavy.
 ....had the whole package according to some girls
I was joking with my  gf co-worker about how men would actually apologize for being near me .... because he was so intimidating ,she said i still was 🙄
But for all his strength and prowess
He was ...quiet... never did really take advantage of what he had.
So weird this Drexy person....is the opposite almost a complete tearaway..
Definitely not backward in being forward
This is kinda self indulgent ...but it is an interactive diary of sorts ....  I can look back in wonder at the struggle that began here .


Mmm I feel guilty about this guy hope I can do him justice
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on July 17, 2018, 09:30:58 am
Good news on your lab work Drexy.  As far as doing that "guy" justice, I think you already have.  And your co-workers seem to sense that Drexy is a happier, healthier person. 
Judi
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 18, 2018, 07:27:50 am
Thx Judi ....your very perceptive ....and well I guess that's true .... I've got some hard yards in frt
But you know it's true about my workmates .....and I'm very grateful for that 😊
Hmmm it's complicated....lol
I think I will save that photo for the before and after thread in about a year's time 🌈
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 20, 2018, 06:39:34 am
My first makeover since FFS ....went ok I was going to go out but last swing was really tiring
and it's raining so I'm staying in with my pusscats on the warmth

(https://vgy.me/QLWm9G.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/bdtDMT.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/d46CQS.jpg)

Mmmm after the makeover she presented me to her husband and her brother ....got positive feed back ...first time I've been in frt of males but I went well
Then Victoria said with a twinkle in her eye ....time to get you a wardrobe ....big grin .....you need a dress she said ...she looked at her watch ....but it was too late to go to the shop she had in mind .,..oh she's such a doll 😍so classy and so understanding 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on July 20, 2018, 10:07:15 am
Drexy you look wonderful!  What a wonderful smile. 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 20, 2018, 07:50:25 pm
Thank you  Judi 😘 .....i do smile a much more tan I used to 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on July 20, 2018, 08:15:30 pm
WOW! Drexy What a good look she did for you. And she's right you need a dress.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 21, 2018, 04:17:34 am
My first makeover since FFS ....went ok I was going to go out but last swing was really tiring
and it's raining so I'm staying in with my pusscats on the warmth

(https://vgy.me/QLWm9G.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/bdtDMT.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/d46CQS.jpg)

Mmmm after the makeover she presented me to her husband and her brother ....got positive feed back ...first time I've been in frt of males but I went well
Then Victoria said with a twinkle in her eye ....time to get you a wardrobe ....big grin .....you need a dress she said ...she looked at her watch ....but it was too late to go to the shop she had in mind .,..oh she's such a doll 😍so classy and so understanding 😉

I am just so happy for you ...it bought a tear to my eye to see how good you looked.

You went through so much and you look soooo good. That look will just keep on looking better and better as the healing progresses.


Yes wardrobe time...have fun you look great...did I already say that LOL


Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 21, 2018, 05:24:36 am
Hi Liz  thank you so much  for that....😍😘 You know when I began I never thought  I could  have got to this point I'm so  much more happy than I used to be you know what i mean 😘 😊
Thank you Laurie  still a bit of smoke and mirrors  ......but a dress would go a long way😉😘
My next hurdle...
Oh I forgot....  I saw my psychiatrist  after six months  she'd  been  reserved  about me having FFS so early
the last meeting  and had wanted me to tag with a psychologist with more experience  in this area... but after I met with her.... she asked me when I would like to catch up.... She was genuinely  pleased and surprised with my progress.... Lol my doc is like my dad and she is like my mom.... Bless them.... 💞
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: charizard on July 21, 2018, 06:30:27 am
You're looking amazing, and it's great to see that you're feeling happy with the progress.:)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on July 21, 2018, 08:49:23 pm
Drexy the beautiful part is that you can see how you can pull off two distinct looks!  With the hairpiece you look approachable and flirty, yet with the scarf you look mysterious and coy.  Awesome!  You Rock it! 
Judi
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 21, 2018, 10:34:58 pm
Thank you charizard.....yes the main thing is happiness😊
😘 thx Judi.... that's so good  to know as my main headware is scarfs / bandanas
www.bandanashop.com/deluxeheadwrap.html
https://www.headcovers.com

Still experimenting  with headware.....now to get my body to match😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on July 22, 2018, 11:05:48 am
A lot of interesting covers at those shops. 

Your body will get there!  Remember, woman come in all sizes and shapes.  Acceptance starts in our minds.  You are there!

Judi
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: aaajjj55 on July 22, 2018, 11:37:32 am
Drexy, I remember your avatar when you first joined the site and the transformation you have achieved is nothing short of spectacular.  I hope you will treat us to a few more photos on the before/after thread as your transformation is truly inspirational.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Allison S on July 22, 2018, 12:51:27 pm
Awesome look Drexy! Very pretty



Quistis is that you?! Queen

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 22, 2018, 01:19:39 pm
Yes true Judi ....I just have a few mills to move....and then my first dress.😲🤔😊

aaajjj55 thank you .....I never thought I could ever get.to where I am  ....yes it will be a pleasure

Allison  thank you   😊





Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Charlie Nicki on July 23, 2018, 06:02:52 am
My first makeover since FFS ....went ok I was going to go out but last swing was really tiring
and it's raining so I'm staying in with my pusscats on the warmth

(https://vgy.me/QLWm9G.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/bdtDMT.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/d46CQS.jpg)

Mmmm after the makeover she presented me to her husband and her brother ....got positive feed back ...first time I've been in frt of males but I went well
Then Victoria said with a twinkle in her eye ....time to get you a wardrobe ....big grin .....you need a dress she said ...she looked at her watch ....but it was too late to go to the shop she had in mind .,..oh she's such a doll so classy and so understanding
You look stunning! The doctor did a great job with your FFS.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 23, 2018, 07:33:41 am
Thank you Nikki 😊yes he did when I was sitting  in his office  at the end of the consultation
I said I would leave  it up to him  to work out the final details
His office is like a shrine to the beauty of woman
He has very good taste, and his wife who Is absolutely gorgeous
did my Rhinoplasty..... I felt I was in good hands
Oh and he is very handsome  too!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 24, 2018, 06:59:19 am
So thank you to everyone  who made such kind comments it made me feel much more real😊

Back to work tomorrow  , I'm going to start an exercise  regime at camp... I had to buy a baggy track suit first
as I can't  wear singlets  any more.... well I can.... but anyway I'm overweight  shows how quickly  one can lose
Form... In my case maybe 7mths darn I should  have known  better 😑
Still Liz inspires me with her determination  ....i need  the same attitude
I had a double tongue piercing  yesterday  so that is inadvertently  helping my calorie  intake
I had to go buy a whole  bunch  of chicken  soup packs to take with me to camp as otherwise I will be starving..
absolutley cannot eat  solid food  atm  ...drats Im taking a heap  of avocados and sardines
olive etc but I think it  will be a week before  I can even entertain  solid food.... The girls told me I wouldn't  feel like eating  and they're  dead right.
Up at camp I'm  dealing  with amorous   females.. I don't think I  have ever had this level  of interest from  women... But camp romances  can go sour and then your stuck in the middle of nowhere  in a drama....
Anyway I'm appalled  at how my body shape is... and if I get my gear off then theres the boob's to contend with😳
Well I'm  privileged  to have these problems
...i wonder how long before I get sick of chicken soup lol
After learning  about the use it or lose it principal I ended  up buying a "bathmate hydromax" to exercise  the tissue
it's a bit crass  but it works I don't have to be in the mood and shower time does the trick hands free
Money well spent.


Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 25, 2018, 07:55:42 pm
Everything is handsfree these days...oh well if you can't beat them you may as well join them.  8) But I digress

I can imagine being stuck in the middle of nowhere with someone who is really ticked off with you...there is no where to run and there is no where to hide....that makes for some ugly scenes.

It kind of hit me all of a sudden that whilst I had taken care of a heap of things in my transition I had not taken care of the thing I could have the most control over and would cost me nothing...my current body shape. Once I realised I had to remove the layers of accumulated weight before HRT can have a chance to put any new fat gains to the right places I found the spark of an idea of what I needed to do. Once the seed was planted and I looked at my body shape carefully and tried to imagine being 25 kgs lighter than I am now I realised that I could easily have a much more feminine shape simply by dropping the excess weight I carried...apart from all the other health benefits.  :D

Drexy you can do this...you have been through so much and come so far already I have no doubt you will get to where you want to be.

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Maid Marion on July 25, 2018, 08:37:00 pm

It kind of hit me all of a sudden that whilst I had taken care of a heap of things in my transition I had not taken care of the thing I could have the most control over and would cost me nothing...my current body shape. Once I realised I had to remove the layers of accumulated weight before HRT can have a chance to put any new fat gains to the right places I found the spark of an idea of what I needed to do. Once the seed was planted and I looked at my body shape carefully and tried to imagine being 25 kgs lighter than I am now I realised that I could easily have a much more feminine shape simply by dropping the excess weight I carried...apart from all the other health benefits.  :D  Liz

This is what I do.  How many middle aged GGs have a head of salt and pepper hair and a 26 inch waist line?  And the nicely toned arms and legs to go with that? ;D
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 26, 2018, 04:24:08 pm
Hi Liz thanks for your encouragement , yes that is so true and one day I would like to wear something nice , so it must be done ....I did my first walk on the treadmill in the gym this morning...4am ...1km...😊
80% diet 20% exercise 😉
Keep on Liz I'm following your progress and your effort has got me.off my chuff 👍

Marion true 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 27, 2018, 12:54:27 am
Hi Liz thanks for your encouragement , yes that is so true and one day I would like to wear something nice , so it must be done ....I did my first walk on the treadmill in the gym this morning...4am ...1km...😊
80% diet 20% exercise 😉
Keep on Liz I'm following your progress and your effort has got me.off my chuff 👍

Marion true 😉

GOOOOOO Drexy get those hips moving girl!!!

1km is a great start.... you can build yourself up slowly from there I have no doubt you will be able to successfully challenge yourself to do a bit better each time and before you know it you will be 10ks.

Keep  up the great work

Keep on walking

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 27, 2018, 04:57:47 am
 ;) ;)
Yes one step at a time Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 27, 2018, 07:48:05 am
Sitting around the table at lunch a couple of mates decided to have some fun with me ...or my expense 🙄 first up was have you been biting anything you shouldn't ? I thought that was a reference to my silver canines...so I said like concrete ? ....duh ...Drexy....he said I mean like pillows.,....have to admit he got me a good one there ...then a couple more gayish diatribes
Before saying ....give you 5 years and You're turn up dressed like Caitlyn Jenner( really that long ? )...who's that I asked innocently ? ....you know ....Bruce Jenner .... I said who's Bruce Jenner ? frustrated he replied you know the cardasian guy who became a woman ! ....oh I said ....how about that with a smirk on my face lol......but the thing was their humour was not malicious....just designed for a laugh,..didn't bother me in the slightest....I just wish they would stop being so coy  ...and pop the question....I'm sure when we doing a month on at work with a week off it would have happened as after 13 days we got a day off so. That night everyone gets smashed  but now with only a straight 14 days and then break we don't haven't time to and it's 000 at work on the breatho so no party's.....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 27, 2018, 07:53:01 pm
Sitting around the table at lunch a couple of mates decided to have some fun with me ...or my expense 🙄 first up was have you been biting anything you shouldn't ? I thought that was a reference to my silver canines...so I said like concrete ? ....duh ...Drexy....he said I mean like pillows.,....have to admit he got me a good one there ...then a couple more gayish diatribes
Before saying ....give you 5 years and You're turn up dressed like Caitlyn Jenner( really that long ? )...who's that I asked innocently ? ....you know ....Bruce Jenner .... I said who's Bruce Jenner ? frustrated he replied you know the cardasian guy who became a woman ! ....oh I said ....how about that with a smirk on my face lol......but the thing was their humour was not malicious....just designed for a laugh,..didn't bother me in the slightest....I just wish they would stop being so coy  ...and pop the question....I'm sure when we doing a month on at work with a week off it would have happened as after 13 days we got a day off so. That night everyone gets smashed  but now with only a straight 14 days and then break we don't haven't time to and it's 000 at work on the breatho so no party's.....

You should take a selfie....kind of like your avatar and just leave it sitting on the table in the wetmess. Say nothing...and if shown, marvel along wondering who the person was. If that doesn't push one of them over the top to have to ask if its you then nothing will LOL How long do you think you will play with them or is "coming out" on site a particularly bad idea? I am sure with the progress you are making keeping stealth is going to become even more difficult as time progresses.

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 28, 2018, 04:38:07 am
That's an interesting Idea Liz😁 .....about coming out in camp I don't know if it's the right time I would like to make a good job of it if I do🤔
I'd like my body to feminise more there's been a bit of progress but only  being a year in ....
true though it will become harder to stealth as time goes on ...
Hmmm same guy tried to tweak one of my moobies as he got on the bus ....good thing I had some documents in that pocket 😏 ha during his attempt he knocked his head on the Aircon
I shouldn't have but pissed myself laughing
Well second day at the gym ....tried some push up....the lack of t is definitely Kicking....omg...I struggled to do 10! ....
markie could do 100 in 3 mins ....
But it's good if you know what I mean 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: charizard on July 28, 2018, 05:10:57 am
ha during his attempt he knocked his head on the Aircon
>:-) That's hilarious haha. Good strategic document placement!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 28, 2018, 05:57:17 pm
Just to tack onto that last comment  I made in response  to your  idea Liz... I guess  if I am to do this I want people to know I am transgender.. Not a Transvestite  or crossdresser or Drag Queen so I guess I'm looking  to be passable but I feel I have to go gently rather than just blurt it out
My doc reckons that after a while people will unconciously See Me as female and begin to treat  me as such to a degree,  something  is definitely  going on though I catch a lot of men looking at me and some females too,  I don't know whether it's my eyes or the silver teeth or all the jewelry I wear
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on July 28, 2018, 06:09:48 pm
Drexy I think your doctor is correct that the change in perception from others will evolve, probably sooner than later from what you've written.  Going gently as you note will signal your serious intent, not that the other pursuits you list aren't serious also.   Giving the right vibes when speaking to others will go a long way towards people seeing and treating you as you wish.   You got it sister! 
Judi 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 28, 2018, 07:09:12 pm
Just to tack onto that last comment  I made in response  to your  idea Liz... I guess  if I am to do this I want people to know I am transgender.. Not a Transvestite  or crossdresser or Drag Queen so I guess I'm looking  to be passable but I feel I have to go gently rather than just blurt it out
My doc reckons that after a while people will unconciously See Me as female and begin to treat  me as such to a degree,  something  is definitely  going on though I catch a lot of men looking at me and some females too,  I don't know whether it's my eyes or the silver teeth or all the jewelry I wear

Ummmmm Drexy my dear, maybe what you are experiencing is what is commonly known as "male fail"  and that is why you are attracting so much attention. maybe its because you are now androgynous enough in appearance for them to wonder.

I really was just being silly about the photograph in the wetmess but I think you need to try and get some input into what is being said about you. I don't know how you do that but I would guess since your return from holidays and your dramatic changes it is not surprising if the rumour mill is running overtime. I certainly agree with your comment about getting the message right. You are going to the best judge of how to get your message across and even then I am sure you will have to deal some who will never understand.

take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on July 28, 2018, 10:10:17 pm
Thanks for the vote of confidence Judi.... Yes it's true about the right mode of communication..... so far as I can observe  mine is a lot softer than it used to and more playful so if I go with the flow .....Hmmmmm😉

Liz I never ever thought  about that!!!  holy smoke it makes sense.... 😯
It is perplexing  not quite as cut and dried as I thought... however  " Softly, softly, catchee monkey."
I made it to 1.5 kms didn't feel like it.... but then I thought about you and kept going..... damm 8km is massive 👏
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on July 29, 2018, 03:50:35 am
Thanks for the vote of confidence Judi.... Yes it's true about the right mode of communication..... so far as I can observe  mine is a lot softer than it used to and more playful so if I go with the flow .....Hmmmmm

Liz I never ever thought  about that!!!  holy smoke it makes sense....
It is perplexing  not quite as cut and dried as I thought... however  " Softly, softly, catchee monkey."
I made it to 1.5 kms didn't feel like it.... but then I thought about you and kept going..... damm 8km is massive

as the saying goes "A journey of 10,000 miles starts with a single step"

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 02, 2018, 10:17:21 pm
I went to the wet mess the other night and decided not to wear the   compression singlet under my t-shirt....I have another open front short sleeve shirt that I wear over the t shirt anyway I went on up and my crew was on one table and the superintendent and all the supervisors on another.... everyone stared at me 😳 my good mate studiously
Avoided me but after a few drinks came over and chatted..... meanwhile I suddenly found my mobile very interesting and fired off a pm to Liz  needless to say no more no compression singlet....but these looks from guys and some chicks have been going on since I got up to camp and now we've had to move out of camp into accommodation in a mining town temporarily... same deal I never fail to get stared at not like hard stares but stares all the same  specially in the public bar of the town pub ...up at  the mining mess as I walked in this tall guy with a beard gave me a friendly warm smile.....guys don't smile like that at each other .....
So Liz's male fail might be quite correct
Well I hope it is
Out of the 2 women vying for me the brunette has started to work on me she's  suggested dinner and drinks ....🙄.. she's attractive with a great personality and I do like her...it's so hard to find a partner in this industry what with the time away from the city.... she's a truck op like me so it would be great...and finally I have the emotional depth to be able to return another's affection.
But I'll have to tell her ,I thought maybe I'll just show her the photos or show her the photos and say that's my girlfriend if I don't want to go through with it ... however maybe  she just wants some company...which an easy request to fullfil
Mind you it's been the first time I've seen my body in a full length mirror for about 12 months ....when my doc told me my body was made for hrt he wasn't kidding ...infact my male bits look out of place somehow.
 I have fat to lose though and it will be rewarding when I do ....hell I'm so surprised I just didn't think it was possible for me 🤔 not ready for a bikini but it's still female looking...
Starting to notice the erosion of male privilege little things like for instance the guys that used to be in awe or fear of me are now quite cocky and it seems that I'm not supposed to get smart back to them bit one sided I think
 alternatively other guys are much more friendly one in particular an alternative type .....whew what a head trip it's a unique perspective transitioning in this environment ....if anything it should proof me for the real world....
I'm beginning to wonder if I am 100% female and not just non binary......how odd🤨


Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 02, 2018, 10:27:06 pm
Roller coaster ride...wow.

Kinda saying hi here on your thread.

:)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 03, 2018, 12:30:54 am
Hi Satin😘
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on August 03, 2018, 01:00:41 am
Hi Drexy,

  Oh this is getting interesting. I can't wait to see how you work out these new life experiences. It sounds like you are getting hit by all kinds of reactions from all kinds of different directions. We can have another real life saga in the works like we have with @Alaskan Danielle . Perhaps another story line for a new soap opera or reality TV show. At any rate I'm going to the kitchen to make some buttered popcorn.

 We eagerly await more of your story.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 03, 2018, 04:36:50 am
…..if anything it should proof me for the real world.
I'm beginning to wonder if I am 100% female and not just non binary......how odd

And if that turned out to be the case that would be fine as well. I don't know of too many environments less compatible with transition that the one you are in. If you wanted to pick a tough industry to transition in I think FIFO is possibly one of the toughest. I applaud your courage and tenacity.


Hoipe the Woman whos is shopwing interest in you is understanding of who you are...she may be straight but that could work out too.


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 03, 2018, 04:06:16 pm
Oh yes for sure Laurie 😁 in happens in crib and drabs
I
Thx  Liz Yes I  guess ...I hope so I guess I'll let it develope .....mmmm the blonde and the brunette we're at the frtn of the bus conversing.... blondie giving me furtive glances ....wonder what they're up to 😯
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 03, 2018, 04:22:38 pm
Hi Satin😘

awwwww.

Hi back and hugs.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 03, 2018, 04:33:40 pm

I'm beginning to wonder if I am 100% female and not just non binary......how odd🤨

When I and stealth female it is an immersive experience.   It took a long time for things to really stabilize and for me to understand who and why and all the other things that are involved.

There even was a point where female vs male vs trans vs everything just blended into a me.  And as time progressed it became more stable.

However when I lived full time she, I found myself more and more swallowed by that.  I like being a she better than the social strain of being and androgyne or male in presentation.   Androgyne would be truth, male, is not, its a disguise.    I just don't identify as male.

And I don't identify as female either, because of the fundamental things I find are different.  I have components of female, but not all of them, its an idetification thing, its just that I know I am not a female.

Leaving me in the nonbinary identity.  But, it is still a very feminine identity, to be sure, when I am fully immersed in that truth, that reality.

I think in the end its not too important.

My wife would have left me if I was binary ts.  Because I am and androgyne and say so, she is comfortable with being with me.   Having the penis is the deal breaker for her, and a major annoyance for me, but I can get around it.  It hurts but not as much as losing her would hurt.   

So, the straight woman can hang with me, and I have real boobs, real transitioned body, sleep in very nice lingerie (oops tmi), and don't ever wear male underthings.

Everyone is different.  And there can be a blurred line between nonbinary and binary trans, and frankly, its fine.   

Your truth is your own, and the journey is a journey with an unpredictable destination  that becomes more clear as time goes on.

Your pics are drop dead gorgeous by the way, no wonder you are getting hit on, its eye candy.

Just saying.   Nothing intended  but its good to let you know.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 04, 2018, 12:40:34 am
You have provided a very interesting insight Satin I look forward to answering you in depth
after wrk
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 04, 2018, 04:50:22 am
When I and stealth female it is an immersive experience.   It took a long time for things to really stabilize and for me to understand who and why and all the other things that are involved.

There even was a point where female vs male vs trans vs everything just blended into a me.  And as time progressed it became more stable.

However when I lived full time she, I found myself more and more swallowed by that.  I like being a she better than the social strain of being and androgyne or male in presentation.   Androgyne would be truth, male, is not, its a disguise.    I just don't identify as male.

And I don't identify as female either, because of the fundamental things I find are different.  I have components of female, but not all of them, its an idetification thing, its just that I know I am not a female.

Leaving me in the nonbinary identity.  But, it is still a very feminine identity, to be sure, when I am fully immersed in that truth, that reality.

I think in the end its not too important.

My wife would have left me if I was binary ts.  Because I am and androgyne and say so, she is comfortable with being with me.   Having the penis is the deal breaker for her, and a major annoyance for me, but I can get around it.  It hurts but not as much as losing her would hurt.   

So, the straight woman can hang with me, and I have real boobs, real transitioned body, sleep in very nice lingerie (oops tmi), and don't ever wear male underthings.

Everyone is different.  And there can be a blurred line between nonbinary and binary trans, and frankly, its fine.   

Your truth is your own, and the journey is a journey with an unpredictable destination  that becomes more clear as time goes on.

Your pics are drop dead gorgeous by the way, no wonder you are getting hit on, its eye candy.

Just saying.   Nothing intended  but its good to let you know.


You know Satin it's almost as if you've read my mind so much of what you say I can mirror in
myself but have articulated it far more succinctly and eloquently then I could.
I generally find I just feel "I am " no specific gender but I don't think I've ever been a real male except physically, when I had FFS surgery I asked the Dr not to make me too pretty...he did a good job as I do look fairly androgynous.
Thank you for the complement...it's amazing what good make-up can do but that's not my everyday look
I would like to experience full immersion .my problem I guess is body size
I empathize with your situation re your wife , you are very lucky and it's fair enough , i think if I'm to ever have a partner I will have to do the same
I haven't sleep with anyone since beginning my transition and I wonder how it will go
And than you so much for sharing that😘
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 04, 2018, 12:24:15 pm
Its a pleasure.



Thank you.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 05, 2018, 06:14:00 am
Hmmm latest Freudian faux pas....
"I'll just sit down here and gaze into your soft blue eyes" 😅
getting off the bus "are you coming Hun " 🤣
My friend asked for a photo of me to send to her friend in Argentina...,she told me laughing that he thought I was a girl ...lol how about that !
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 07, 2018, 04:33:46 am
Hmmm latest Freudian faux pas....
"I'll just sit down here and gaze into your soft blue eyes"
getting off the bus "are you coming Hun "
My friend asked for a photo of me to send to her friend in Argentina...,she told me laughing that he thought I was a girl ...lol how about that !

OMG...OMG... your coming out at work handed to you on a platter, it could all have been over really quickly...your reply could have been..."hmmmm have I got a story for you…." LOL problem solved...just kidding I know its far more complicated than that for you....but just for a moment  ;)

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 07, 2018, 09:33:56 am
Awesome Liz your such a doll.😘.....yes it's getting çloser
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 08, 2018, 09:02:29 pm
I just feel I need to get in better shape first get that femme figure.... But I've worked  with this Crew long enough
that when the time comes..... I'll  front up.... I have no back off or back down..... In fact drexy is  way more outspoken  then he was in fact he woulda rather swum with sharks  than speak publicly.... However our recent tool box meeting  I took on management in a amicable  form in front of the crew to get some defects  that affect our safety in machine  operation  quite passionately.... totally  surprised..... Just like management  was lol,  I would  have died before
Most recent  faux pat..... getting on the plane I made  a room for a workmate  ..."he said ladies first " I didn't  reply I just took the offer 😉

The guys and me having a few drinks at the Tom price hotel 😝
(a bit too many)

The latest faux pax as I made room for workmate to get on the plane... He said matter factly " ladies  first " hmm
Then at the bar I got to chatting to a work mate we were talking  about weight loss the gym etc I remarked that had rearranged my face due to a new body building  project.... then I said well really it was because during my last job in Mexico  I got made so I had cosmetic  surgery  as part of an escape plan... Then I said.. Just kidding  and then with a smile maybe😆
He  finally  acknowledged my face mods... It amazing  just how polite people are anyway he remarked what a beast I was when a body builder I agreed and said yes he was absent mindly ... We dwelled on that for a while,
I get the feeling that mostly  everybody has an idea but are content to just watch the show some of the men were standoffish and suspicious  of me at first but have since mellowed towards me.




(https://vgy.me/ogVdpp.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 09, 2018, 03:25:46 am
Today since I'm On break I went to my gym for what must be the first time in a year I was warming up on the recumbent cycle when I saw an instructor I knew walk past she put some gear away then she walked right in front  of me looked at me gave a professional  smile and walked on.. Now this woman is a gorgeous  Amazon and when I was Markie she adored me had the hots for me always  on seeing me a big effusive greeting...
However as you can see she didn't  recognize  me i was just another  gym user !!!
So I guess I must look very different it's ironic  I guess I could have just started  a whole new life the change being that marked but at my age it would  be difficult anyway what I'm doing   is much more interesting  I think😊


.....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 09, 2018, 11:25:37 am
So you guess you might look different?  Well YES.  You look great Drexy!  Sounds like the gang is being polite, yet a bit confused.
Judi
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 09, 2018, 05:22:17 pm
There is a nonbinary  transsexual actress named Shakina that I have had the pleasure of working with.

You might want to google her or look her up on facebook.   She is quite badass, and fierce and loving.

And she is bald, though when wigged, is stunningly gorgeous passing female.

Jut thinking out loud.  There are some similarities I could see, I think.

She is an amazing person.  It might just be fun for you to follow her or try to catch something she is in.

I'm just thinking, nothing more. 

Activist, she is.  And very serious player in the NY theater.  Very NB, post op, intense, full transition and powerful trans warrior.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 09, 2018, 09:12:13 pm
Total 100% male fail ;D....you don't have to announce anything I think you just have to fill in the missing details...sounds like they have gotten most of it anyway LOL Once they realise you are not a threat to their masculinity then they seem to relax. From what you describe since your return from Mexico they have been piecing things together and maybe the more astute amongst them has a good idea...the rest probably don't care as long as you are no threat to them.

I suspect if you turned up at the wetness as Drexy none of them would bat an eyelid but simply mutter..."figures" and go back to their beers.

This is the perfect example of what I have talked about when it comes to passing but in this case its the opposite. Your work colleagues are suspicious of what is going on with you but even though your incident on the plane appears like they know, imagine his response if you had turned around and smiled sweetly at him saying "how did you know"...the point I am making is this...there is a big difference between suspecting someone may be trans or not as they appear but if you break the social morays by wrongly accusing someone of being the sex they are not, then you are the one most likely to be ostracised. So people are unlikely to publicly say anything even if they suspect. The same goes for passing...if you put enough doubt in some ones head then they are unlikely to out you, but accept you as the person they see before them. The possibility of getting it wrong and being publicly ostracised is enough to keep the vast majority of people from ever saying anything.

Take care
Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 10, 2018, 03:59:59 am
Thanks Judi 😊👍 yes I guess they are well it's good I look good ....maybe I look good to them too lol even more confusion

Satinjoy I looked her up ....wow she's awesome I still have to more study on her ...I would never have thought she was bald like me .😉😊

You know Liz you are.one smart lady ....thanks for extrapolating that it really makes sense
That is such an interesting interplay of psychology..
Well I guess it's official I look much different than I did wow the tricks ones mind plays on one
But then again I went to my first bodypump class today there was an instructor I trained with and who lead my classes for over a decade as well as some other classmates ...none who recognized me ....even my cop gym buddy walked right past me and didn't see me .....so weird
I was going in for the sat morning class where there plenty of people who know of me to morrow.....the acid test ....but seems I have the flu darn it ....
Thanks so much for replying lady's  I value you your input
I
.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 10, 2018, 05:00:19 pm
Lol

I'm not a lady but love the compliment.

Shakina cast me in a starring Broadway role in a show that has not funded yet.

Fun, right?

Problem is that I may not be able to do it since I had to let go of NY because of business issues in FL.

She's amazing.  Terrific writer and director, bad ass actor.

You have a similar feel in your gender to me.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 10, 2018, 06:59:22 pm
TI was going in for the sat morning class where there plenty of people who know of me to morrow.....the acid test ....but seems I have the flu darn it ....
Thanks so much for replying lady's  I value you your input
I
.

How was it?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 10, 2018, 08:31:43 pm
Going to that class will probably help all of us..you being true is huge...thats being the warrior heart....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 10, 2018, 09:37:11 pm
I didn't make that one the flu knocked me out ,however Sundays class is big so I will be well enough to go

I spent some time reading about Shakina very impressive being wow you must be quite talented
If I could be 1/4 the same  it would be good 
I'm flattered
Tomorrow Liz I will test it out 😚
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 10, 2018, 10:34:52 pm
She has me alternating woth Kate Bornstien in one of the starring roles of her show but I'm not supposed yo talk about it.  I am Kates backup.

If you dont know Kate google her.

Yeah I'm well known among the NYC trans actors.  Publically not so much.

None of that matters though except as it relates to helping the cause.

When i started dance class in NY, it was the big icebreaker, forst non drag trans actor in studio.  The ripple effect has been huge and is still spreading, it changed their perception of trans grom queens yo omg thats another gender.

I dance nb.  Its unique.

So these events humanize us and shatter stereotypes.  And that is a big deal.

But yeah, im trying to figure out what i am doing now, im back in fl and my theater career is up in the air.

If Shakinas show launches you need to see it.  I will know about it, she wants me and Kate in the show.

Kate is legendary.  I love working with her.

She wrote Gender Outlaw and was a groundbreaker for nonbinary trans.

Wonderful woman, all heart.  And terrific actress.

They all are, the NY trans theater talent is deep and very strong.

Im just glad i got to be part of it.

Be you.  The gender binary for a nonbinary human is a trap for us, it unbalances our gender.   Feel the feelings and your core as it observes what is true and what is forced. 

You are gunna do great.

Feel better honey.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 10, 2018, 10:42:49 pm
Thanks for your faith in me..... your perception  runs true 😊
I am looking  forward  to articulating  self to cis people... I want to create a good appreciation......hopefully  being self will do that......
Your life sounds amazing  it's funny  but I find  the more I'm myself the easier  life seems to be.....
Thank you
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 10, 2018, 10:52:26 pm
Ah my dear one it was not easy but very worth it.

Just be careful.  Truth comes with a cost but also ots own rewards.

My story os an intense one, now i am home in a beautiful place sleeping in my straihht ciswifes loving arms, full transition no op.

Its so interesting to be a full transition androgyne.  I need that, its complicated to explain it, defies boxes. 

But ots been danherous, heartbreaking, and fullfilling.

The nonbinary diamond tihhtrope of yrans.  Cuts our feet as we spread our wings and learn to fly.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 10, 2018, 11:17:07 pm
Your life sounds amazing  it's funny but I find the more I'm myself the easier life seems to be.....

Isn't this the truth?   I think its because we finally are able to shed the veneer and let our true selves out.  I'm happy for you.  I have certainly noticed a change in you recently!   Happier, even bouncy!  Yeah!
Judi
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 10, 2018, 11:19:33 pm
Well apparently  the truth will set one free.....
You walked the path and made it, how lovely  I hope I can find a wom  who will accept  me as I am
Your tightrope  simile is beautiful  and yes I will be careful walking  it 😊

It's interesting  but I have child hood memories  coming back
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 10, 2018, 11:23:49 pm
Isn't this the truth?   I think its because we finally are able to shed the veneer and let our true selves out.  I'm happy for you.  I have certainly noticed a change in you recently!   Happier, even bouncy!  Yeah!
Judi
That's a good observation  Judi  I can draw a connection  to the personality  of the young child that was that way
Before that persona being crushed  ....its nice to experience the core personality once again  rather than the construct  I was for most of my life
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 10, 2018, 11:26:42 pm
Yes it does!  Truth is wonderful.

 You will find your soul companion, I am certain.

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 11, 2018, 09:14:08 am
Well apparently  the truth will set one free.....
You walked the path and made it, how lovely  I hope I can find a wom  who will accept  me as I am
Your tightrope  simile is beautiful  and yes I will be careful walking  it 😊

It's interesting  but I have child hood memories  coming back

As we lose our fear and begin to stop suppressing much of the memories of childhood, for me I was mercilessly bullyed and how I survived I do not understand, but as we lose those fears, memories come back.  When we become willing to remember we can process the hurt but we can also process the good memories as well, sometimes we throw the baby out with the bathwater.

So we rewind our lives to the beginning, asking "what if I had not been socially programmed", and in that moment of what if, our core gender becomes more clear, and we begin to understand better who we are at core, the child within.

In the forest thread, in the beginning, my own journey is clear on this, the freeing of the she inside, who became once accepted and healed,  the whole of me which is sh'e.  (They if  you like but I like sh'e, it is more accurate physically and in my sexual gender, though They is very accurate socially as well).

She was feral, wild thing, hunted thing, wounded thing.  Chained and locked under the stairs, cruelty upon cruelty.

In the healing of she came the healing of my gender, and the understanding of the totality of who I am.

So let the child hood memories flood you, there is so much there for you to find.

You are learning to be a diamond heart warrior of trans, you will be a force for us, but first, you become the child again, and rebuild from the foundations up, living out your truth.

I don't know you very well, but this is my instinct for you.  I am assuming our genders are fairly parallel.

Ohhh trans puberty was a bitch for me lol.

:)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 11, 2018, 04:28:16 pm
Hi Satinjoy

I have really enjoyed reading your observations on life. I think you have a truly wonderful perspective. I can't agree with you more about childhood memories. Apart from placing far too much importance  on them as an indicator of being trans. I think many of us including me have suppressed all the memories that includes anything "nice or affirming" discovered about being the opposite gender during our search for answers.


I have stopped actively trying to remember my childhood because of the various trauma's I was exposed to. I remember a large part but there are also massive amounts missing. When I was about 11 I got into severe trouble with the police and had to tell my parents the police were coming to our house to arrest me, an 11 year old. As that evening progressed I have a crystal clear recollection of sitting on a chair opposite my mother so incredibly distraught because my mother was so distraught...I can still see that awful look on her face and hear the continual question..."Why" being constantly asked of me for what seemed like an eternity...all the time on the tip of my tongue That was a close as I ever came to telling her and in fact I don't actually remember how it ended. I didn't tell them in the end because part of me knew that should I say anything my life would be over and I would be disowned by a large proportion of my family...which actually happened 40 years later when I did eventually tell them I was trans.


The more I learn and remember about my childhood the more it cements my knowledge that I am and always have been trans...when I think back about the way I viewed the world growing up it astounds me I kept it a secret for another 2 years...my father said to me once in a semi-accusatory tone... "You never told us"..no I said but there were several people I did tell including my senior lecturer at Psych Nurse school and a couple of girlfriends along the way each time putting paid to the boy girl relationship.


I guess what I am saying is these memories need to be kept in context and it is so easy to go back over old memories and re-interpret your life in the context of your transition when at the end of the day, child hood memories whilst nice to have, make very little difference about whether or not you are trans. It took me a long time to stop relying on what I knew then about myself(which was limited) and concentrate more on how I feel about myself now.


Enough Of my rambling thoughts


Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 11, 2018, 06:26:10 pm
I have been told living in the moment is key.

Personally I need to know how resentments, past and present, poison the now.

I want to be free of those.  Anger is a thing with me.

Living in the joy of being unchained is glorious, even cloaked for protection, self deciept over, its a choice now not a fear driven requirement.  And battles can be picked.  My mother passed without me disclosing i am trans, one sister doesnt know and its not her business, the rest do.

I choose who i entrust this part of my life to reveal.

But yeah.

I knew from my earliest memories that I was different.

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 14, 2018, 11:18:13 pm
Thank you Satinjoy for as ascribing  those attributes  ,  I hope i can live up to them and would like to,
I too was bullied  and harassed  so I built myself into an unassailable male that gave me some of peace of mind
but deep inside was the female who coveted  a simple summer dress, I find I'm  not so angry  anymore  finding myself has been such a relief .....still sleeping dogs lie....
I feel the same way about revealing myself.... for me its like does everyone really need to know? even if you are binary trans.... it's a personal choice i guess
There was brief moment when I  finally  realised  that I'd  had my chance due to my apparent changes where I could have just disappeared and started afresh.... I think I am repeating  myself..... 😑
I hope my gender runs in the same lines as yours  you are a fabulous  person😉
I think I have caught up I hope
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 16, 2018, 06:42:56 pm
Its a cool way to live....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 16, 2018, 07:18:07 pm


There was brief moment when I  finally  realised  that I'd  had my chance due to my apparent changes where I could have just disappeared and started afresh.... I think I am repeating  myself.....
I hope my gender runs in the same lines as yours  you are a fabulous  person
I think I have caught up I hope

ahhhhh hindsight...As appealing as it sounds I am sure it would have come with its own special set of problems. I think Satinjoy is absolutely spot on and has some really great insights. I have enjoyed reading posts you have both made.

Take care

Liz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 18, 2018, 08:55:29 pm
Finally well enough to try body pump again today.....I wonder if old crowd will be there ...omg
the days after.last session I could barely walk.... I'm having to start from the bottom again.....from being the strongest to the weakest 😳
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 18, 2018, 10:00:15 pm
Well that's life!   When one door opens (transition), another closes.  But this one can be reopened with just the right amount of energy and perseverance by you.  Staying fit and healthy is always a good thing.  You got this!

Judi
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 19, 2018, 07:35:26 am
Yes true Judi... I love a challenge 😉
It was much easier  today, was not the old  crowd  a couple of regulars .....no recognition
As I was leaving this lady who's been there like forever comes up to me and asks about my headwear ....I've  gone from the black  bandanna  to  a more colorful  Feminine type.... anyway she wanted to know where I got it and complimented me on it.... I doubt  i will get recognized  anytime  soon....   from muscle monster in spare clothing  to  talk thin person in a tracksuit  .....i don't  mind I'll  just go with the flow 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 19, 2018, 07:38:27 am
Liz I love your new avatar.....you look fantastic  .....and so tasteful too 👏👏👏😘
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 20, 2018, 12:34:53 am
Liz I love your new avatar.....you look fantastic  .....and so tasteful too 👏👏👏😘
Awwwhh thanks very much...I liked it a lot...I appreciate your compliment. As someone who struggles continously with the whole body image issue its so nice when someone else can see her as well.

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 20, 2018, 01:43:15 am
You look just fine.... Very femmine.... I know how you feel... me too but where there's the will there's a way😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 20, 2018, 06:10:25 am
Mmm i needed a return  to work Med cert  didn't have any luck  with  the initial  Med Centre so I tried  my original  docs centre  got an appointment  but it was pot luck I was really  hoping  I'd  see my old doc and as chance would have it  I did he recognized me by my file.... I was quite a pain in the ass previously  anyway he did a double  take,  and said "what's been happening? " so I just said straight  out... I've been changing  gender  I explained  that I went. to another doc because of the fear factor etc,  he was. pretty cool and complimented  me on going to a specialist all in all he was pretty  cool after all he hadn't  seen me for at least a year and half.... He said Hrt had softened  my face and my eyes were amazing... Lol admittedly  I had put on my basic makeup I don't think he realised  my eyes were tattooed , btw anyway he said was  very happy  for me and mentioned  how a young  child transman had endless problems  until they referred  to him as him and it was total turnaround 😊 he is an Indian origin  doc.... Indian people  have a cool religion  they are quite broad minded
It's so strange  as the very first time I met him to hassle  him for test he mistook me for another  patient  and started talking about goverment  protocols  for having  a sex change😀
So cert in hand I head for my favourite  butchers when I went in he gave me an odd look wasn't quite  the guy I was used to.....i wondered  if perhaps my scant makeup and new female. beanie/bandana put him off
or  perhaps  maybe my stereo was cranked up too loud... I do like loud  ...enough  so I have to put a window down  to stop  my eardrums  bleeding.... when I got the stereo installed I specified that due to industry  deafness I had no use for speakers with higher tones.... So bass is what I got... the type you feel in your bones... 😆

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 20, 2018, 07:23:25 am
Nice outcome with the Doc...I guess you must be getting used to shocking people and clearly you are feminising at least some portion of your appearance, that may also be part of the reaction, but who knows.

I do like loud  ...enough  so I have to put a window down  to stop  my eardrums  bleeding....

Everything
  Louder
   Than
Everything
    Else

Now this makes sense to me!!! LOL  :icon_rockon: :icon_rockon: :icon_rockon:
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on August 20, 2018, 08:36:24 pm

So cert in hand I head for my favourite  butchers when I went in he gave me an odd look

Ummmm

I know someone in Thailand that could probably do a little better than the favorite butcher darling.....

;)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 21, 2018, 12:09:44 am
Thailand's not far from me 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on August 31, 2018, 06:43:16 am
Not really  much to say.... back at work I have noticed the girls were pleased to See Me  they tend to greet me much differently  then before and in conversation  I can feel an  inclusiveness  that wasn't there before
I've  become aware of a crass nickname that is not public... It's somewhat degrading... but at the same time validating  so I'm not worried  ....i also realized its not that I'm  so big but that everyone else is small 😂
I posted a bit of rant on facebook... and one of my workmates  read it as when I was doing  my prestart  on my truck he came up and asked if I was okay. Being protective ... I thought  that was kind of cute  as it used to me people would look for for protection... Mmm what else ..well boob's are definitely  getting  bigger
You were right Liz Markie may have had a lot of  notoriety .....but Drexy is catching  up.... Seems like everyone  knows my name.... 😉 even if I don't know theirs.....also I noticed my Companys diversity and inclusiveness
Policy  has been placed prominently  on the lunch room  board...... Might be my imagination  but I'm becoming  more to others it seems....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on August 31, 2018, 09:35:15 am
Good update Drexy. Being accepted by the ladies  is just what we want. It appears that at least one of the guys is getting it too. And the of course having company support helps a lot too.
Keep it up !

Hugs,
  Laurie


Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on August 31, 2018, 11:06:34 am
Hi Drexy!  I agree that being noticed and accepted by others is neat.  Unfortunately the underground talk and names is going to happen no matter what.  You're strong enough and it certainly appears like you have a lot of allies and friends that care for you.  That speaks to the power of who you truly are.  People see it and respond appropriately.  It's nice when they ask about your well being.  They care about you as a person.  Cheers!
Judi
 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on August 31, 2018, 05:17:09 pm
Not really  much to say.... back at work I have noticed the girls were pleased to See Me  they tend to greet me much differently  then before and in conversation  I can feel an  inclusiveness  that wasn't there before
I've  become aware of a crass nickname that is not public... It's somewhat degrading... but at the same time validating  so I'm not worried  ....i also realized its not that I'm  so big but that everyone else is small 
I posted a bit of rant on facebook... and one of my workmates  read it as when I was doing  my prestart  on my truck he came up and asked if I was okay. Being protective ... I thought  that was kind of cute  as it used to me people would look for for protection... Mmm what else ..well boob's are definitely  getting  bigger
You were right Liz Markie may have had a lot of  notoriety .....but Drexy is catching  up.... Seems like everyone  knows my name.... even if I don't know theirs.....also I noticed my Companys diversity and inclusiveness
Policy  has been placed prominently  on the lunch room  board...... Might be my imagination  but I'm becoming  more to others it seems....

There is little doubt in my mind that your work colleagues think they know what is going on with you. None of them brave enough to come out and ask you ...thats weird when you think about it too...they are like a bunch of tennage kids gosiiping on the playground....you being the cheeky bugger winding them up. Halarious...you go girl


I think if you were to announce that you were transitioning now you would be greeted with a unamimous...meh..we know!! LOL....


I don't think Markie has half the notoriety that Drexy has...you have the whole camp buzzing about this and Management have thought it worthwhile to ensure that everyone knows how they should behave by posting notices. I would say you are having an impact....Fantastic


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 01, 2018, 10:56:21 am
Thanks liz you're right on target as usual 😉
Darn my date piked out so I went to the court by myself.... Straights have taken over so I went to connections  not so bad but doent get pumping till 12PM.... STILL to see some of our own people.... No wonder I stay home 🙄
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 02, 2018, 07:08:24 am
Ok deleted  last nights post by a drunken drexella.... 😳
Sat night my date for the night a chic workmate  fell asleep   I almost  didn't go into Perth then I thought  what the hell  I went to the court..... that's not a LGBTi venue just full of young cis people
Sooo I went to connections  I got asked if I had ever been there before... I said yes like 20 years ago... gota compliment  on my outfit..... I think I spent about an HR in the disco area one of the performers  there was getting  bottle of champagne  and as she moved passed smiled  at me and chinked glasses
eventually  I got bored and went to leave and then noticed  a hallway which led to another bar and outdoor area.. they were playing 50,s tunes.... nice vibe had a lovely  transgirl flirt with me but it seemed  she was with a cis guy?
I just so enjoy  seeing  these  young women who have started  earlier.... their Femminity  is so lovely  to behold
Nothing  much happened  ..but there's always next swing 😉
(https://vgy.me/EoFCT1.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 04, 2018, 02:18:54 am
Came out to my chickmate I work with... We were having  a conversation On messenger  she was googling stuff to find out what was my thing..
I said I,m not sure what my thing is anymore ....im going through  a second  puberty.... she said relax enjoy  the experience
I knew then that she knew  I knew that she knew I knew  ;D
So I sent some makeup photos  and got good feedback... I'm really  happy someone  at work actually  knows now not just guessing
Next day I saw my Chiro for the second  adjustment at the last one he mentioned that he been intrested to see what  new changes there would be he asked me if I was done with body building  and I said more or less,  well fair enough... after all I hadn't  seen for a year and just turned with anew face
Anyway at the second  appointment  he mentioned  how after the last time i was there he and a lady were discussing  botox and fillers that she had anyway  the conversation  got around  to me....
So this time he mentioned  about bodybuilding  again and I said I was still doing it but... He finished  my sentence for me by saying... But with a different  focus... I looked at him and said 100% correct... He talked about how he and his  wife went to an alternative  festival  and how it was good to observe  people living outside the box the conversation  got abit more indepth  but he respected me and at the end he said he admired  what I was doing...
That was just so good.. he's  like a sports man afl crossfit etc I wasn't  sure how he would have reacted  but it was really great... He's  a dad  his son is very lucky  to have a dad like that...
Then today I had to get one of my tongue piercings replaced.. it had come out and instead of putting it straight  back in I waited  till morning.... bad call... the tongue heals very fast it hurt like hell to put it back in
But while I was in there 2 sisters came in... to browse and check me out... they were young attractive  and tastefully dressed moved with grace... naturally  I played dumb and pretended  I didn't notice... All in all a good r&r
Back to work tomorrow 😕😥😞
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on September 04, 2018, 02:37:04 am
Came out to my chickmate I work with... We were having  a conversation On messenger  she was googling stuff to find out what was my thing..
I said I,m not sure what my thing is anymore ....im going through  a second  puberty.... she said relax enjoy  the experience
I knew then that she knew  I knew that she knew I knew  ;D
So I sent some makeup photos  and got good feedback... I'm really  happy someone  at work actually  knows now not just guessing



That's Huge!!! OMG not quite how you planned it?? Did you enquire as to how she knew? she might be able to give you the inside to what everyone else is thinking...kinda like having a mole in the enemies camp LOL Its great you have someone at camp who you can talk too and as importantly knows what is happening with you. That potentially could work out really good for you.

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 04, 2018, 04:07:09 am
Completely  unplanned  ......our evenings at the wetmess will be more interesting😮😉 .....oh well go hard or go home 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on September 05, 2018, 01:16:37 am
That is really cool Drexy. Really cool.
Completely  unplanned  ......our evenings at the wetmess will be more interesting .....oh well go hard or go home

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 05, 2018, 08:08:49 am
Thank you Laurie... Kaz is just so chilled while we're in the bus doing a orientation.. as the work place  always changes  so much  while we are on r&r... so I mentioned on Xmas break I might go to Thailand to get some more work done... and she smiles her eyes light up and says what sort? Well we both knew it was about ba... This girl is pretty sharp
Then at the wet mess I was moaning about
MY accommodation... and she's pipes up and says... ohh aye a prima Donna.... and with a cheeky smile teases me with.... might have to call you Donna 😁
It's really nice to have someone to talk to. especially up here and she's such a cool broad-minded chick
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on September 05, 2018, 04:17:20 pm
Hi Drexy

Very cool...she sounds like a great gal. We need more of her!! I think you are having a little too much fun with this LOL

Great to hear you have a RL confidant....

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 06, 2018, 08:05:12 am
Hi Liz.... yes I think I am.... I'm lucky I work with a great bunch of people..... Hmmm tonight at the wetmess one of my chickmates  after a couple of drinks reached across with both hands and placed them on my moobs and declared... man boobs..lol  my workmate pipes up and says no these are manboobs he's a tad overweight so it's to be expected... I thought upstairs was getting bigger.... so it's confirmed now.... 😊

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on September 07, 2018, 08:20:45 am
:)

You're doing good honey.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on September 08, 2018, 12:42:22 am
I also think you are doing fantastic...this is like a "slow" coming out...rather than come out over in a few days you seem to be doing it over a period of weeks, which all seems to be working out just great for you.  ;D
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 09, 2018, 06:26:01 am
Hi Satinjoy thanks 😊
Yes Liz  I think it's working out well... this is a different scene to most as we all work eat and drink together (and the lucky ones sleep together) so it's steady as it goes... as alaskan Danielle mentioned about not flaunting oneself.... it really important up here... I'm doing small things.... like clear nail polish... very gradually shaping  my eye brows.... adjusting my attitude and  posture  its for them to ask me I feel at this point... or not.... I'm not really to fussed
One sort of positive but kinda sad for me was some new comrades rocked up... they had not seen me  for a year or so after a few drinks one guy pipes up and says well your full of surprises I'll give you that.... and my mate says yes he's not viking anymore.... viking was my nickname.... as markie was one of the most powerful formidable men around
anyway its good as it allows Drexy to bloom.... I hope🤔
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on September 15, 2018, 08:14:55 pm
Hi Drexy

I read your post and was thinking about this

t.... and my mate says yes he's not viking anymore.... viking was my nickname.... as markie was one of the most powerful formidable men around
anyway its good as it allows Drexy to bloom.... I hope

I hope Drexy gets a chance to bloom.  :) The time was/is coming when they will meet her and with any luck understand but for the time being you are playing it as you see best. Your judgement so far is spot on when it comes to your work colleagues. I am sure they will all be bought up to speed on the rumour mill about you and as we have talked about they "kinda" have an idea what you have been up too and what it all means but none of them are game enough to come out and ask?? Which doesn't surprise me at all... I mean lets face it, " If it can happen to Viking then it can happen to..." maybe your scaring them  :laugh: and of course it would have to be about them LOL

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 16, 2018, 06:40:13 am
Hi Liz yes I think you are right, mostly people in camp are used to me now but I still get a few stares now and then,
Oh my lol I came to the table in the wetness and someone pipes up arr a late bloomer... Lol classic it's a bit quiet atm so I might have to stir things up a bit.... by changing my legal name 😁..... I've already decided what the first and surname will be... It's a unisexual one
I want to get voice surgery I'm keen to see how you go...
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on September 17, 2018, 05:28:49 am
Hi Drexy

I just want to be that fly on the wall when they finally piece it all together...LOL

Late bloomer....they ain't seen nothin yet!! Stir it up??? that's one way to put it. :laugh:

I hate my voice...If people are in any doubt about me I only have to speak and I can see them immediately make that decision...the moment I start getting emotional in any way including being happy and sad my voice goes. Anyway I will let you know as much as I do as February approaches...

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on September 18, 2018, 06:38:30 pm
I feel for you I know how it is I hate hearing recordings of my voice.... I've seen the most gorgeous girl and the only thing that gave her away was her voice.....so yes the voice is the holy grail.... it doesn't matter your size etc if your voice is right..... I'll finish this later as on the plane back to perth😁
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 20, 2018, 06:20:48 am
[
Been a bit flat lately.... traced it back to zero test, So saw the Dr and he prescribed anadrol, I'm taking half the dose and every second day instead of daily
I don't want any less or more than the healthy female range, I didn't mind having zero test but with that there was no sexual thoughts or impulse not to mention no physical drive.
And now that I have made some new lesbian friends... I might have a sex life again... I haven't had sex sin since  starting transition.
I met my new friend through an adult site..
Actually I was. amazed at the amount of women who are looking for cd, tv, ts people in the end I took my profile off... I'd made   contact with someone nice and being Fifo I just don't have the time to reply and follow up all the replies.
Sooo I met my new friends at a night club,
Wow they were so warm and welcoming and lots of questions... how far was I into transition, did I use the girls, was I going for grs
?

 


being non binary I could get by. without it, .. saves interrupting the moment "with excuse me while I put this on" was Lisa's humorous reply, and then I was asked whether I liked men... no I replied... which was met with... Well maybe that might change.... Well yes it may do🙄
Anyway we had a great night out.
Wow do those girls know how to party.
I got clocked by a transgirl in my local chemist I wasn't sure if she was ftm or mtf as she had an andro look, until she spoke when she  complimented me on my boots.... I really should have taken time out with her but I was on my last day of r&r and in a rush... I regret that now,
hopefully we will meet again as she lives in my locale.
This r&r I came out to my barber/hairdresser not on purpose it just so happened bec's mum was on that day and I asked her what she had thought of the photo bec took and sent to her when I first came back  in after ffs.. She said she was amazed and asked why I had it had it done.. at first I just said... I just wanted to soften my appearance... but then thought better and said well actually I'm changing gender where upon she exclaimed oh I thought you looked very feminine... I asked her if bec did wigs and she said yes and to come in the next day,
So I did I asked bec if her mum had told her and yes she said
 we talked on about  various aspects of transition and she mentioned that her partner who is a Fifo worker too had told her that they had a few hermaphrodite's (love that word.. describes non binary perfectly) and that he wouldn't mind going with them!!! 😉 I also learned of a term used to describe a rough around the edges female who is anything but ladylike  'Diesel Dyke' a sort of pilbara tomboy.... as opposed to a "pilbara princess" I think I might have found my niche
This all while styling my wig and at the end when I asked how much she said no charge both Bec and her mum were so warm towards me.... Woman are so cool
So warm and welcoming I've not had any negative reactions so far.
Back at work I was talking to one of my  chick mates during lunch about her hrt.. she had explained to me previously that due to feeling lackuster she went to a Dr who referred her to and endo  it was discovered that she was very low in test as well as estrogen and progesterone
So  lozenges  were made for her by a Compounding  chemist (this was the wakeup call for me about my test)
and it was the difference between night and day.... for her.... as lunch  ended she said.. I like talking to you your so in tune with women.... 😊
These days I like to spend time with my female colleagues at lunch at the bar etc
It's like a new world I never realised just how marginalised women are by men.
I came out to my bestie g/f she had been away sick and was waiting for the okay from hr to return... I thought I would distract her by coming out to her.
a picture is worth a thousand words so  I sent  my makeover  photo 
(https://vgy.me/QLWm9G.jpg)

  her response
Was..
Omg amazing
My first thought was beautiful  👌😘💐🌸🌷🦋
Wow barely recognizable....  u look gorgeous
Im stunned....  u do better makeup than what I can
Think i need some pointers off you
Wowzers   bom chica wow wow holy mother of beauty u look stunning amazing beautiful
U should do shows ...
That was good for my  confidence
She is such a lovely effusive lass
and it was so nice to see her again.
 this morning at prestart... We gave each other a big hug.... It was like there was just her and I nobody else existed.... I'm glad her boyfriend is confident in himself hmm he's very masculine I noticed when he sat next to me in the bus.... 🙄😏😉
When I went out on r&r I got my nails done for the first time ever in black metallic flake with pearl.... at first we went gel so it would be easy to take off in preparation for return to work.... but that didn't work out to well
So took the hard alternative I could have taken it off for work but I thought see what happens.... had a multitude of reactions as after all there are 95% males here, from concealed disgust to nervousness and resentment , it   makes me laugh i can disappear to the other side of the world for 6 months and return almost unrecognisable looking a feminine man....and no one says boo, but wear nail polish and everyone loses their minds (bit of an exaggeration) for .. In fact some guys avoid me completely... so what   i couldn't care a less.  its said the truth will set you free but also not giving a - - - - about what other people think of you goes a long way too!!
But just like with the ffs no one mentions the nails  except for that  chick who previously came up to me in the wet mess and put her hands on my chest and exclaimed "man boobs" this time in our  crowded lunch room she grabs my hand and holds it up saying i love your nail polish.... WOW she has a bad case of foot in mouth..... Mmm i also didn't take off my lash extensions I'm sure my there's a lot of underground gossip happening..... which is just fine by me.... things were getting boring.
Admittedly I've worked in civil construction and mining out in the bush for nearly 30 years and never seen a male turn up with painted nails.... except for me 😉
 the experience is interesting and actually i kinda like having nail polish on.... love the colours
The young barmaid is a bit  put out she likes me and now i think she sees me as a gay man..... 🙄😔 doesn't matter she's way to young for me.
Btw while there are those that resent me there are a few guys who are protective towards me... like some lout started mouthing off about lady boys and how he wanted to be a sex change pole dancer... lol... He got shut down fast.... Like i said before i work with a great bunch of mature people 😊






Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on October 20, 2018, 10:38:27 am
Wow, a lot going on in your world!  Interesting!  I hope your medication helps.

Judi
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on October 20, 2018, 06:31:07 pm
OMG Drexy that is soooo cool

I had to laugh so hard about your nails...that was so funny...

You got it happening now...I don't think there is such a thing as coming out for you...there is too much fun to be had just playing with them all. LOL I love your work


You sound like you have a bit of a guy and girl fan club going...especially if people are willing to defend you.


Take care


Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 22, 2018, 05:45:29 am
hi Judi yes you could say that.... i dont like taking the test thats why I'm going easy on it i hope i only have to use a little.... anadrol has a half life of 8.5hrs so after 4days it out of your system
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 22, 2018, 11:44:59 pm
hi Liz thank you so much i guess I'm coming out in degree's i have a captive audience and and i, m a captive myself 😏 buts its good because this way i respect my colleagues which are kind of like an extended family after all we spend more time with each other than our friends and family
i think i work with some very cool people and these days with all the publicity about bullying and us too....good people will just not stand for it and well i think some people actually like and respect me.... definitely the younger crowd like my attitude.... the nails have generated some interest from a statuesque tall blonde lass she looks like she stepped out of a viking movie
i had an instance when one of the fitters one day at the mess walked straight up to me... shook my hand then turned and when back on his way.... the person next to me said it was bis last night... to be honest i hardly knew him? seems a lot of people know my name but i don't know theirs so I'm always using "mate as a substitute"
one of my friends came back from sick leave and he complimented on my nails even though he couldn't see them... soooo
the gossip mill. must be running over time
and my old repartee teaser asked me if i was going to the scorpions in dec i replied prob mexico.... he said implants? and i said.. yeah something like that
hmmmm
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sonja on October 23, 2018, 12:12:27 am
@Drexy/Drex

Hey Drexy,

I loved reading your stories! I think you're very brave and awesome.

Oh please tell me you took a photo of your now legendary nails? - black metallic flake with pearl sounds fantastic!

Take care,

Sonja.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 23, 2018, 03:30:27 pm
hey Sonja thx😊😘
wow you're looking fantastic!!!
well actually i never thought too.... so took a couple yesterday.... looking a bit tatty now
as they are starting to wear  back at work.... .. I'll get them redone again when on r&r


(https://vgy.me/u79PQO.jpg)
(https://vgy.me/7LHec6.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/RW2H5Y.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sonja on October 24, 2018, 01:45:40 am
hey Sonja thx😊😘
wow you're looking fantastic!!!
well actually i never thought too.... so took a couple yesterday.... looking a bit tatty now
as they are starting to wear  back at work.... .. I'll get them redone again when on r&r


(https://vgy.me/u79PQO.jpg)
(https://vgy.me/7LHec6.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/RW2H5Y.jpg)
@Drexy/Drex

Thx Drexy, I love your nails they look great! I often do my toes in black BUT now I'm thinking a bit of sparkle could be on the menu....
Jesus look at the size of those wheels behind your hand in the third pic - a  wee little earth mover?
hmmm thinking of a song for you.....here you go, one of my absolute favourite songs..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw_mqk2ao1E

Enjoy,

Sonja.

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on October 24, 2018, 07:14:52 pm
You have a lot of love and support in here.....relationships...

That's huge

Hang in there.

I'll keep checking from time to time.  Mostly just to say hi.

And Hi everyone...hope you are all well.  LOL everyone follows this  thread.

:)

SJ.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 25, 2018, 07:53:26 am
wicked Sonja thank you you've got great taste 👍👌😎
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on October 25, 2018, 03:11:01 pm
- a  wee little earth mover?


Enjoy,

Sonja.

Wouldn't be a Kiwi would you Sonja? ;D Ex pat myself from the sunny south
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on October 29, 2018, 06:08:52 am
yes Sj this is true... its a blessing 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sonja on November 08, 2018, 06:11:27 pm
Wouldn't be a Kiwi would you Sonja? ;D Ex pat myself from the sunny south
@LizK

Hey Liz - Yes kiwi girl, Auckland.

@Drexy/Drex

Hey Drexy - Thank you for your kind words I came across a song you might like,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChTTmcraTZQ

Take care, XO

Sonja.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 10, 2018, 04:16:37 am
Thats cool 😎 thanks hun 😘
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 13, 2018, 07:10:51 am
My new g/f had her ex transition through in their relationship back when she was 20 she showed me a photo of her omg what a doll she was absolutely gorgeous it really can make a big difference starting young, makes me happy for the young people.
When i got back  to site safety requested my licence to confirm its validity... i haven't changed the photo on it
so when he handed it back to me the next morning... he chuckled.... i guess there is a quite a  difference between that photo and how i look now.
  second day back at work  one of my noongar work mates came up and gave me a supportive shoulder squeeze..when  its interesting but first Australian men don't seem to have a problem with us... maybe its a    cultural thing....
I've noticed that since i started wearing nail polish there's been a subtle shift in my standing with men ( surprise surprise 😁) not a negative one but something, and surprisingly a lot of people who never used to talk to me are quite chatty and friendly.
one the guys I've worked with on previous jobs has been having a hard time dealing with me in that he became kinda distant and would give me a sharp look in the mornings in the mess.... that's how i would know my bb makeup wasn't right....in situations like that i just let them be and i ignore them let come around in their own time if ever
 how ever he's got his head  around it  now and things are back to normal mostly.
In the cribhut (lunch room) Deb was yakking about some medium she had seen and went  on about how that women had massive eyeliner... then she added   probably like mark does his this cracked the girls up,
and then she starts talking about how the mediums father was a trans..... trans... she's looking at the   ceiling trying to find the words so helen contributes "transcendental?" ummmm no
 steve chips in "transgender?" with a big grin 😁
i didn't think to show them my photos

so the next day when jan mentioned to someone she'd like to see how  i dressed when i went out as people know about my heavy metal fetish clothing .... that was my in, so i showed her and deb my photo in makeup
debs like... Bs!!!! and jan is gobsmacked
and i say nah nah see the necklace..😊

.
 and as I'm walking away deb
calls out " are you a transvestite?"
(in frt of everyone ) so i retort "no deb i am not a transvestite" lol 😂 she is so ditzy sometimes.
next day we are in our trucks  parked up waiting for the load unit.... so deb shuts hers down comes over into my cab and we have a deep and meaningful about her relationship.... eventually it got around  to my turn which is when i told her that i was transitioning.. she said that figures referring to the photos, debs a country girl
quite grounded... we finished off our conversation with a tip for me on sexy eyeliner  😉 and i got a nice shoulder massage.... she's so wasted on her present guy.
Wearing nail polish is now standard i got a new colour done on r&r  this one uses a black base and then the top coat uses metallic particles that are spread into patterns with  magnets i really like it depending on the light it changes from blue black to blue, red, purple, green....and since I'm driving all day i get to look at my very unfeminine dysphoriac hands all day... at  least now i can enjoy the   colours.
Speaking of nails i told my tech that i was trans her reaction was amusing
" so you like men"
no
"you don't like men but you trans"
yes i like women
" so you like women"
yes
" so you don't like men"
yes
"ohhh ok"
Anyway i got her to do my eye brows and then asked if she would mascara my lashes... she did a great job on my lashes
next was my doc's appointment.... that went well and  he mentioned my psychiatrist has been calling him asking how "she" ( me) is doing, how nice of her she's a good representation of her profession she actually cares and is interested in my transition.
 Leaving his office as  i was walking down the street a women stops me and  exclaims where did i get my boots from she was quite  vocal and excited much to her female partners amusement...
i tend to wear goth /metal type outfits as I'm not a wee dainty thing.... so i don't dress like one, anyway further down the road I stopped at a  tiny corner donut shop
‌outside was a pedestrian crossing as i was sipping my coffee watching the pedestrians and one of them a guy at the  crossing turns back glances at me lip curled back in a snarl and he  comment's to two women beside him obviously a hater,
‌however
‌those two  chicks   turned around and came into the shop one saying lets do this and then looks at me and says nice
‌ eyes .... lani did a brilliant job on my lashes...more for clubbing i think, guess that guy must have  clocked me in someway..... even though I'm only trying to look feminine
‌my fashion is loud... must be the second puberty thing perhaps.
‌i've got an admirer at camp we passed as i was on my way to the laundry and he smiled at me,  tall very good looking and half my age... and this morning making lunch in the mess he was checking me out i  pretend not to notice.... i still haven't got used to some men smiling at me like that, it feels weird, I'm careful not to make eye contact not because  i can't but because i don't want to give ammo out
I've already got one slime bag trying to undermine me on the sly.... he's wary of me
so he's   careful... works behind the scenes
i was expecting this as we are getting a high turnover of  crew due to the poor work/pay conditions and hence an influx of boneheads.
‌Back at camp last night my besty g/f
invited me up to the wetmess for  drinks we sat there  talking about  cosmetic procedures and the high prices  compared to Thailand and what size boobs i should get due to my size 🤭... and as i learned more i was like wow referring to all the effort women go through to look good... and she says with a smile... "welcome to our world..."
I realised this new person i thought i was becoming is not so new at all... i can  draw a straight line back to the personality i was when a child of five...somewhere along the way... i got lost







Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 13, 2018, 08:21:51 am
Thanks for the update Drexy!  It appears you are doing well in life generally and among your mates at the camp. 

"I realised this new person i thought i was becoming is not so new at all... i can draw a straight line back to the personality i was when a child of five..."

How true! 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 14, 2018, 04:35:46 am
Thanks Judie... that was a rough copy most of it was done over a 10 hr day in my truck i have about 20 seconds during loading to try to type so there's a lot of typos
etc so it gets corrected
but as you can see its getting a bit rocky but.... its character building

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_7M1aTN338&app=desktop
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sonja on November 14, 2018, 04:33:59 pm
@Drexy/Drex

Thank you for the update Drexy, I find your courage really inspiring and I love reading your stories.

Take care, XO

Sonja.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on November 14, 2018, 06:12:32 pm
My new g/f had her ex transition through in their relationship back when she was 20 she showed me a photo of her omg what a doll she was absolutely gorgeous it really can make a big difference starting young, makes me happy for the young people.
When i got back  to site safety requested my licence to confirm its validity... i haven't changed the photo on it
so when he handed it back to me the next morning... he chuckled.... i guess there is a quite a  difference between that photo and how i look now.
  second day back at work  one of my noongar work mates came up and gave me a supportive shoulder squeeze..when  its interesting but first Australian men don't seem to have a problem with us... maybe its a    cultural thing....
I've noticed that since i started wearing nail polish there's been a subtle shift in my standing with men ( surprise surprise ) not a negative one but something, and surprisingly a lot of people who never used to talk to me are quite chatty and friendly.
one the guys I've worked with on previous jobs has been having a hard time dealing with me in that he became kinda distant and would give me a sharp look in the mornings in the mess.... that's how i would know my bb makeup wasn't right....in situations like that i just let them be and i ignore them let come around in their own time if ever
 how ever he's got his head  around it  now and things are back to normal mostly.
In the cribhut (lunch room) Deb was yakking about some medium she had seen and went  on about how that women had massive eyeliner... then she added   probably like mark does his this cracked the girls up,
and then she starts talking about how the mediums father was a trans..... trans... she's looking at the   ceiling trying to find the words so helen contributes "transcendental?" ummmm no
 steve chips in "transgender?" with a big grin
i didn't think to show them my photos

so the next day when jan mentioned to someone she'd like to see how  i dressed when i went out as people know about my heavy metal fetish clothing .... that was my in, so i showed her and deb my photo in makeup
debs like... Bs!!!! and jan is gobsmacked
and i say nah nah see the necklace..

.
 and as I'm walking away deb
calls out " are you a transvestite?"
(in frt of everyone ) so i retort "no deb i am not a transvestite" lol  she is so ditzy sometimes.
next day we are in our trucks  parked up waiting for the load unit.... so deb shuts hers down comes over into my cab and we have a deep and meaningful about her relationship.... eventually it got around  to my turn which is when i told her that i was transitioning.. she said that figures referring to the photos, debs a country girl
quite grounded... we finished off our conversation with a tip for me on sexy eyeliner   and i got a nice shoulder massage.... she's so wasted on her present guy.
Wearing nail polish is now standard i got a new colour done on r&r  this one uses a black base and then the top coat uses metallic particles that are spread into patterns with  magnets i really like it depending on the light it changes from blue black to blue, red, purple, green....and since I'm driving all day i get to look at my very unfeminine dysphoriac hands all day... at  least now i can enjoy the   colours.
Speaking of nails i told my tech that i was trans her reaction was amusing
" so you like men"
no
"you don't like men but you trans"
yes i like women
" so you like women"
yes
" so you don't like men"
yes
"ohhh ok"
Anyway i got her to do my eye brows and then asked if she would mascara my lashes... she did a great job on my lashes
next was my doc's appointment.... that went well and  he mentioned my psychiatrist has been calling him asking how "she" ( me) is doing, how nice of her she's a good representation of her profession she actually cares and is interested in my transition.
 Leaving his office as  i was walking down the street a women stops me and  exclaims where did i get my boots from she was quite  vocal and excited much to her female partners amusement...
i tend to wear goth /metal type outfits as I'm not a wee dainty thing.... so i don't dress like one, anyway further down the road I stopped at a  tiny corner donut shop
‌outside was a pedestrian crossing as i was sipping my coffee watching the pedestrians and one of them a guy at the  crossing turns back glances at me lip curled back in a snarl and he  comment's to two women beside him obviously a hater,
‌however
‌those two  chicks   turned around and came into the shop one saying lets do this and then looks at me and says nice
‌ eyes .... lani did a brilliant job on my lashes...more for clubbing i think, guess that guy must have  clocked me in someway..... even though I'm only trying to look feminine
‌my fashion is loud... must be the second puberty thing perhaps.
‌i've got an admirer at camp we passed as i was on my way to the laundry and he smiled at me,  tall very good looking and half my age... and this morning making lunch in the mess he was checking me out i  pretend not to notice.... i still haven't got used to some men smiling at me like that, it feels weird, I'm careful not to make eye contact not because  i can't but because i don't want to give ammo out
I've already got one slime bag trying to undermine me on the sly.... he's wary of me
so he's   careful... works behind the scenes
i was expecting this as we are getting a high turnover of  crew due to the poor work/pay conditions and hence an influx of boneheads.
‌Back at camp last night my besty g/f
invited me up to the wetmess for  drinks we sat there  talking about  cosmetic procedures and the high prices  compared to Thailand and what size boobs i should get due to my size ... and as i learned more i was like wow referring to all the effort women go through to look good... and she says with a smile... "welcome to our world..."
I realised this new person i thought i was becoming is not so new at all... i can  draw a straight line back to the personality i was when a child of five...somewhere along the way... i got lost


Well you certainly packed a fair bit into that one didn't you....where do I start...Having your nails done and the tech assuming because you were MTF you were binary...can't see the distinction between sex and gender. Many can't because for them there is no difference in their heads.

So you have a GF...do you mean a romantic type friend or a friend who's a girl? or just tel me to mind my own business LOL Either way it seems like you and her hit it off pretty well. That is fantastic to have someone close.
 


I get what you mean about men looking at you...it happens so rarely to me I don't think about it but I have found a new appreciation for the male body...I don't want one but I can think of some nice way to enjoy one LOL Each to their own as they say


The knucklehead....always going to happen in that environment I have just been so surprised at how few you have encountered considering. I have no doubnt you will have his measure. Lets hope he he keeps  himself to himself.

So what is next for Drexy??

Take care

Liz



Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 17, 2018, 06:26:40 pm
wow Liz you look great.... love that hair style and colour really suits you..... come up here youll get all the men you can handle 😉
As for me and men well i tend towards the amazonian way... use them for their attributes then afterwards back to the fields for them to toil  ;D
yes i have been lucky or maybe i generated some good will that protects me and then we have our rules and regs, said knuckle dragger would have to be very  careful that his poison did not
get back to me considering the amount people i know.
with the men smiling at me well there are about 7 to 800 hundred here so the law of averages dictates a smile or two 😊 like even in the wetmess there will be up to a hundred guys at one time.
i do know what you mean though..... theres nothing like a good pounding 🤭🤭😆😏
So what's next on the list for Drexy?
Well i had planned on going to Mexico over xmas break for body sculpting however my surgeon wants me to handle my hemological blood condition first 😑and as the recovery time is up to 6 weeks so i dont think i can make it which means I will have to try to aim for feb after this project is finished,  voice surgery is on the cards after that and then ba voice before ba because i think voice is more essential ... being the size i am i need big hips and boobs to offset my broad shoulders.....
I'm so envious of your hair 😊
Sonja thank you.... i downloaded that Dio album... it's really great
Mmmm it takes more to do what you did... but then you are from Nz so its to be expected 👍👌
in the end its impossible to please everyone  (not that i try) so one just has to act and let everbody else react.
i have a condensed work life and social life here in the desert... theres no where else to go no escape for 2 weeks at a time so I've been getting a crash course in social politics and i don't have the luxury of decades in front of me so no choice really
what I've found works best is to be overt... but at the same time respect the reality of others.... and gently adjust it..... though they are a rough mob up here and calling a. spade a spade is the order of the day all up its taught me that the majority of people are of good will.
And that fear really is just a production of the mine.... though not if you being being chased by a bear..... depends on what sort of bear aye Liz 😉😉😁
reminds me last night at the dry mess eating dinner there was one of the guys with a big beard
and my  mate just casually  pipes up "what's ts your bear name" sending the whole table into howls of laughter.... i think thats how we handle it out here.... beer and humour.... not necessarily in that order😏😁😂

oh i forgot Liz my g/f is like 25,years younger than me.... and with me being away most of the time its a casual open relationship.... its hard to  anything else with the work i do.

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on November 20, 2018, 10:06:04 pm
Hi Drexy
Thanks for the great compliment I thoroughly enjoyed it, that picture is actually back from July this year. But I don’t think I’ve changed that much in the last couple of months.

I have to say I loved your joke about taking a good pounding… Not sure that this forum to reply to that, I’ve never had a band in this place that I guess is always the chance of a first LOL seriously though I do take your point and it seems no matter what the perception is about fly in fly out workers and the tough job that they do, they proved themselves to be a great bunch of people.

So you mentioned a blood condition that you need to take care of first, I hope you’re able to do that and get off to Mexico at some point to have your body sculpting. I agree with you about voice surgery as opposed to having breast augmentation, I do think the voice is far more important. But who am I to say, it took me over 50 years just to start transition, so my judgement is certainly not perfect.

Whatever it is that you are doing as part of coming out at work, it is working exceptionally well for you. You seem to be able to be make the changes that you need to without causing a complete riot at.
I do think a sense of humour is as important as many of the other attributes associated with transition such as perseverance, tenacity,  courage…..you posess all of those including ther sense of humour and a good few others I haven't listed.

Thanks for the update, once again I thoroughly enjoyed reading about Drexy’s adventures

take care
Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 21, 2018, 01:25:59 am
Hi Liz you own that style and colour it's so true what you say about needed for transition
i guess no one can without them
your kind words lifted my spirits thank you
just a quick note as about to finally board the plane for r&r.... we had to evacuate our work site
and go sit in the dry mess... see what i mean that's s half of the dry mess
then a 6hr bus ride to newman through wittenoonm on the way as paraburdoo airport road was  closed..... what a milk run
(https://vgy.me/dZhvif.jpg)

(https://vgy.me/RkWylt.jpg)

drinks by camp fire 😉

(https://vgy.me/tt6M3l.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on November 21, 2018, 02:36:43 am
Oh Wow haven't you changed...I was sorting out some photo's yesterday and I came across one you sent me pre Mexico and when I think about that photo and I see you now...what a huge difference.


Plenty of fire out your way by the look of it, you will be pleased to be back in town for a couple of weeks off.


Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sonja on November 21, 2018, 05:19:33 pm
I do think a sense of humour is as important as many of the other attributes associated with transition such as perseverance, tenacity,  courage…..you posess all of those including the sense of humour and a good few others I haven't listed.

Thanks for the update, once again I thoroughly enjoyed reading about Drexy’s adventures

take care
Liz
@LizK

Thats very true!

Thank you for sharing those photos Drexy, Yeah Nah you're much braver than me looking at that room full of guys...! LOL When I went out in public I saw a group of builders head towards the cafe I was building courage to go into and I was immediately like "NAH". Thankfully found a cupcake cafe to go to - way to prissy for tough tradies and the like....

Is that a wee little burnoff or raging forest fire? 

To be honest - its way more orderly than I had imagined...I had this picture in my head of hundreds of drunken louts herded around a dilapidated shed in the absolute middle of nowhere singing 'she'll be coming round the mountain...'  -- IDK maybe I watch too many movies....LOL

Take care,

Sonja.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on November 22, 2018, 11:55:51 pm
I'll take that as a compliment Liz😊bit of filter magic at work there🤭
i would have second thoughts too Sonja.... i would got out the old chuppa  chup.... it works a treat... more nervousi get the harder i suck it😆
its okay for me as we are are all in our uniforms 14hrs  a day.. we only change to get into the dry mess for dinner.
no not a burn off.. full raging bush fire
hahaha your idea of what its like cracked me up.... it used to be like that 30 yrs ago
bit more civilised now though the wet mess can get messy sometimes
the other day i went there to my usual table and a heap of new arrival rough necks were at the table in frt of me and i thought uh oh i better sit away from as i noticed a couple glanced quizzically at me.... then i thought nah so went to my table and sat directly facing. them so they  could see my qlitzy nails  😆😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on November 25, 2018, 09:35:37 pm
You're looking good Drexy!  You're certainly rocking it! 

That fire looks dangerous!  I know they move fast.  Stay safe babe!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on November 25, 2018, 11:39:24 pm
…...the other day i went there to my usual table and a heap of new arrival rough necks were at the table in frt of me and i thought uh oh i better sit away from as i noticed a couple glanced quizzically at me.... then i thought nah so went to my table and sat directly facing. them so they  could see my qlitzy nails

Priceless absolutely Priceless..


That is so funny...good on you.
 :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sonja on December 05, 2018, 06:46:55 pm
the other day i went there to my usual table and a heap of new arrival rough necks were at the table in frt of me and i thought uh oh i better sit away from as i noticed a couple glanced quizzically at me.... then i thought nah so went to my table and sat directly facing. them so they  could see my qlitzy nails  😆😉
@Drexy/Drex

Drexy - You made the right choice, because, you never know if truckies and miners are killing themselves trying to guess what brand of glittery nail polish you're wearing and sitting far away makes it difficult and awkward for them to ask........

speaking of nails, my wife asked me to be the santa at her creche xmas party today and I couldn't say no to the kids. Anyway after getting ready at home and putting on a massive full on santa suit and driving to her creche  -hot as hell and steaming up my fake glasses. As I was handing out present to all the kids I realized my natural nails are super long atm (Cruella de vil would be proud), the kids probably didn't notice but the 40 or so mothers and dads also in attendance?........Hey I did ask my wife if I could go as Mrs Claus instead......but she laughed and said no - the kids are expecting Father Christmas. The kids loved it.

Sonja.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 07, 2018, 04:26:40 am
haha that's  so funny omg.... 🤭.... santa claws🤣😂🤩
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 15, 2018, 08:59:12 pm
Finally back in Bangkok its the first time I've been here as me   and all somewhat sad as one of my close workmates was going to come over with me but he and another work mate were killed in a car crash on the  25th november its the first time someone close to me has died.... and as we are all a big family up at work it was a shock to us all
so unjust a testimonial to the randomness of life,  he was a good man  only young 34 so much to live for he knew me from the previous job we had been on and so witnessed all the changes but he never once looked down his nose at me..never disparaged me . always had my back.though i had not told him about transition he was smart enough to put 2&2  together.
great sense of humor he was the guy who asked the  big guy next to him in the mess what was his bear name was 😂 he was one of a kind larger than life character all
a person worthy of trust.

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on December 15, 2018, 09:56:39 pm
Hey Drexy

Sorry for your loss. It’s horrible when this stuff comes at you out of the blue. Hope you can enjoy your time in Thailand? Is it for holidays or have you got more surgery planned?Either way good luck hope it goes well

Take care

Liz






Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on December 16, 2018, 11:10:03 am
I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your workmates.  Reflect on their lives and the kind of people they were.  Please try to enjoy your time in Bangkok.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 17, 2018, 06:36:59 am
thank you for your condolences 😊
so far its been pleasnt 
I'm here to get full lazer skin ablation on my face and look into a lip lift revision
yanhee turned out not to do co2lazer just fraxel due to it being mainly a thai service hospital and co2 is no good for thai skin
zo now i am perhaps voing to yoskarn clinic
on the up side i am getting a few madames..... from women and laxyboys.... i think i confuse the men
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sonja on December 18, 2018, 07:47:42 pm
Hi Drexy,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and workmate.
How long are you in Thailand for?

Take care,

Sonja.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 19, 2018, 10:01:10 pm
Hi Sonja thanks
until about 3jan
on my way to pai today get a  consult on some revision surgery... lip lift
and laser on skin.... 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 24, 2018, 10:06:46 am
interesting i  posted on fb a pic of me in Bangkok pre laser on face as well as post i think itz pretty obvious my  changes but not a word has been said hmmm maybe they are still processing it
(https://vgy.me/kegi6V.jpg)
(https://vgy.me/gRHYC6.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on December 24, 2018, 12:21:45 pm
That looks painful!   The beer looks good though!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on December 24, 2018, 03:36:11 pm
interesting i  posted on fb a pic of me in Bangkok pre laser on face as well as post i think itz pretty obvious my  changes but not a word has been said hmmm maybe they are still processing it
(https://vgy.me/kegi6V.jpg)
(https://vgy.me/gRHYC6.jpg)


Ouch!! Will be interested to see the final result? Is it as painful as it looks?

I read your post about Yanhee and thought it all looked pretty reasonable. What type of laser treatment was this  you have ? Just had...

Liz


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 25, 2018, 01:09:09 am
happy xmas
yes the beer was very nice judie
it was fraxel laser with rf...... theybput numbing cream on beforehand... but my god it hurt
and then to make matters worse my face bleed like  crazy so he had to  had to cauterise about 20 different areas each proceeded by a local anesthesia jab and that process hurt as much as the laser..... still he did say i was tough lol
that is not how fraxel should be.... it's that blood  condition  i have the one that messed. me up in Mexico whew.....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on December 25, 2018, 01:21:42 am
I hope you get a great result   Considering what you have had to endure

Liz


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on December 25, 2018, 06:09:35 pm
I hope the best for you!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on December 27, 2018, 03:27:32 am
Thanks Liz... wow yes i hope so I'm in pattya now by the coast... whew so much nicer than Bangkok..... i dont why i wasted so much time there 🤔🙄
lol. I'm. already getting strange looks from the ladyboys
where I'm hanging. out there are some of the most beautiful.... used to be when i waz aman
they would mob me.... so pesky..... now they dont more like a suspicious look.... well  confusion is my middle name.... maybe i should    change it to Pandora 😉
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on December 27, 2018, 05:39:49 am

they would mob me.... so pesky..... now they dont more like a suspicious look.... well  confusion is my middle name.... maybe i should    change it to Pandora 😉


LOL Hi Pandora welcome to Susan's LOL Glad to hear things are going well
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sonja on December 28, 2018, 09:11:59 pm
Thanks Liz... wow yes i hope so I'm in pattya now by the coast... whew so much nicer than Bangkok..... i dont why i wasted so much time there 🤔🙄
lol. I'm. already getting strange looks from the ladyboys
where I'm hanging. out there are some of the most beautiful.... used to be when i waz aman
they would mob me.... so pesky..... now they dont more like a suspicious look.... well  confusion is my middle name.... maybe i should    change it to Pandora 😉
@Drexy/Drex

Hi Drexy,

Merry Xmas and have a great new years!  Hope you're recovering ok 
Wow - that does look a bit painful - just keep drinking those cocktails - I hear they mix really well with pain medication!

Take care,

Sonja XO
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sonja on February 20, 2019, 10:37:07 pm
@Drexy/Drex

Hi Drexy - How have you been? been hoping to catch up with you to see how you are?

I hope you're well,

Sonja XO
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 23, 2019, 11:41:08 pm
Hi Sonja how are you well i hope how is hrt treating you 😊
I'm fine thanks.... i must catch up on this diary been preoccupied lately.
Title: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on February 23, 2019, 11:43:33 pm
@Drexy

Nice to see your name come up Drexy.....wondered where you had been?..would love to hear how you are going..

Liz


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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 24, 2019, 01:57:37 am
hello there Liz 😘
wow look at you go
Mmmm voice surgery..... do you have to do the vow of silence?
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on February 24, 2019, 02:17:34 am
Done the vow of silence and have been able to have hoarse conversations now for a couple of weeks. Recovering slowly and pretty happy with the result...Si where have you been and what have you been up too.


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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 24, 2019, 05:27:32 am
Thats wonderful Liz, I'm just wading through bhp online inductions for the next job/project
wow they have a non binary checkbox in gender options😁😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on February 24, 2019, 02:29:07 pm
Hey Drexy, good to see you online.  How's it been?  I hope you're doing well.
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Satinjoy on February 24, 2019, 10:37:42 pm
Flew by and glad to see all is well.

:)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 25, 2019, 06:45:18 am
Heres a bit Liz 😙and thank you for the well wishes
Thailand was interesting nice to be in a society  where you are just normal i even got  ma'am ed  a few times .
In the end my experience  with Yanhee was a negative one , their follow up was poor  i had to have blood tests that would take 2 weeks to process,  so i would be back in aus by then.
 they did not contact me , i had to email them for the results and when i emailed back asking where was the diagnosis  the go between  informed me that was all he had been told to send (the hard data) add the fact that i had been told that they did co2 laser resurfacing. ...and then rocking up at the clinic to find they only did fraxel.....😑
Too many translation problems ....lost in translation
So after leaving the pollution  of Bangkok  i went to the balmy locale of Pattaya where i know a lady who has a bar there, needless to say they were surprised  but very cool about my change ....and a procession of various woman came in to touch my skin .and down there  gently seeing if anything stirred,  and one of the girls who had always been cordial to me ....got quite interested .....and our friendship  is much more than before.
What they did remark was how happy i was ...and always smiling and laughing   compared to  when i used to go there as a man never smiling etc just drinking .....lol men used to come in and ask if i was the bouncer
In fact one girl i was told was heartbroke as my nickname  had been "killer" needless to say her and i had been very good friends  in the past .....so,i understand.
As for the ladyboys that used to hit me up ....well i got left alone .... how interesting 😉
One of the customers really took a shine to me  a European  man 
As for the Aussies when  they arrived they were okay with me ..... only problem was the rounds kept going around and around lol really good men i admire  men who are confident  in themselves,
There were a lot of minor occurrences while in Thailand  nice affirming  moments  as such they eclipsed  the negative.
Hmmm Negative....Arab men .....beware !


Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on February 25, 2019, 06:00:39 pm
Well, lots going on! I'm glad to read you had a good time in Pattaya with friends.  I can see why things would be different (ha) but as they were being cordial says you're accepted.   Some guys are definitely bold!  Be aware!!
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on February 25, 2019, 07:43:49 pm
Heres a bit Liz and thank you for the well wishes
Thailand was interesting nice to be in a society  where you are just normal i even got  ma'am ed  a few times .
In the end my experience  with Yanhee was a negative one , their follow up was poor  i had to have blood tests that would take 2 weeks to process,  so i would be back in aus by then.
 they did not contact me , i had to email them for the results and when i emailed back asking where was the diagnosis  the go between  informed me that was all he had been told to send (the hard data) add the fact that i had been told that they did co2 laser resurfacing. ...and then rocking up at the clinic to find they only did fraxel.....
Too many translation problems ....lost in translation
So after leaving the pollution  of Bangkok  i went to the balmy locale of Pattaya where i know a lady who has a bar there, needless to say they were surprised  but very cool about my change ....and a procession of various woman came in to touch my skin .and down there  gently seeing if anything stirred,  and one of the girls who had always been cordial to me ....got quite interested .....and our friendship  is much more than before.
What they did remark was how happy i was ...and always smiling and laughing   compared to  when i used to go there as a man never smiling etc just drinking .....lol men used to come in and ask if i was the bouncer
In fact one girl i was told was heartbroke as my nickname  had been "killer" needless to say her and i had been very good friends  in the past .....so,i understand.
As for the ladyboys that used to hit me up ....well i got left alone .... how interesting
One of the customers really took a shine to me  a European  man 
As for the Aussies when  they arrived they were okay with me ..... only problem was the rounds kept going around and around lol really good men i admire  men who are confident  in themselves,
There were a lot of minor occurrences while in Thailand  nice affirming  moments  as such they eclipsed  the negative.
Hmmm Negative....Arab men .....beware !

@Drexy/Drex

Hey Drexy

So great to hear form you. Sorry to hear Yanhee was not what it was supposed to be. I remember you saying you were off to get some laser work done. Sounds like you have been having a great time along with some pretty affirming interactions.

So are you laser aspirations complete? I have heard of Fraxel laser for skin resurfacing but know very little about the co2 and what the expected results are. Would be interested to hear.

So you are on the hunt for your next lot of work now? you planning on going back to the bush?

I will remember to stay away from arab men LOL

Thanks for the great update I will be updating both my threads today after my appointment at 1:15

Take care

Liz

 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Sonja on February 26, 2019, 11:52:35 pm
Hi Sonja how are you well i hope how is hrt treating you 😊
I'm fine thanks.... i must catch up on this diary been preoccupied lately.
Heres a bit Liz 😙and thank you for the well wishes
Thailand was interesting nice to be in a society  where you are just normal i even got  ma'am ed  a few times .
In the end my experience  with Yanhee was a negative one , their follow up was poor  i had to have blood tests that would take 2 weeks to process,  so i would be back in aus by then.
 they did not contact me , i had to email them for the results and when i emailed back asking where was the diagnosis  the go between  informed me that was all he had been told to send (the hard data) add the fact that i had been told that they did co2 laser resurfacing. ...and then rocking up at the clinic to find they only did fraxel.....😑
Too many translation problems ....lost in translation
So after leaving the pollution  of Bangkok  i went to the balmy locale of Pattaya where i know a lady who has a bar there, needless to say they were surprised  but very cool about my change ....and a procession of various woman came in to touch my skin .and down there  gently seeing if anything stirred,  and one of the girls who had always been cordial to me ....got quite interested .....and our friendship  is much more than before.
What they did remark was how happy i was ...and always smiling and laughing   compared to  when i used to go there as a man never smiling etc just drinking .....lol men used to come in and ask if i was the bouncer
In fact one girl i was told was heartbroke as my nickname  had been "killer" needless to say her and i had been very good friends  in the past .....so,i understand.
As for the ladyboys that used to hit me up ....well i got left alone .... how interesting 😉
One of the customers really took a shine to me  a European  man 
As for the Aussies when  they arrived they were okay with me ..... only problem was the rounds kept going around and around lol really good men i admire  men who are confident  in themselves,
There were a lot of minor occurrences while in Thailand  nice affirming  moments  as such they eclipsed  the negative.
Hmmm Negative....Arab men .....beware !

Drexy! Finally!! lol  - I've been hoping you were alright what with all you have been going through and getting done etc. Sorry to hear they mucked you around but It makes me happy to hear they noticed how happy you were around them  -thats a really positive telling sign! Very interesting change in dynamic around people you've been around before and now - but I love that you have the confidence to keep moving forward and just del with things as they happen big and small - you are an inspiration to me. I know I don't know you terribly well but there is something about you that gives me courage for my own personal journey.
HRT is treating me like.....a WWF wrestling match.....big highs, big lows, some great moments with my wife, and some shocking arguments worthy of Hollywood....I'm still staying the course however and I have my first post hrt meeting with specialist GP in 2 days to check my hormone levels etc etc.  It has definitely affected my moods and stuff and there have been some small but noticeable physical changes also... ;-)  some other things have happened and I will put them in a PM once I get the time - something I'm short on atm because I started a new job 2 weeks ago and have been flatout and tired as hell at the end of the day. But I'll write soon!

Take care,

Sonja XO.

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on February 27, 2019, 05:50:53 am
Hi Sonja thanks for your  postive  words much appreciated 😊
Yes i know the what you mean about the ups and downs  its like wow isn't  it lol  hahaha  😉 all part of the ride
Co2 is much goes much deeper tha fraxel and the down time peeling  etc is much longer
Because of my tendency  to drag my heels ...i missed the window for general  anesthesia  so just numbing creme ....i,m sure theirs was paste its use by date ...cause my god did it hurt ....Doc was impressed siad i was tough ....😑
But due to a blood condition i have .....which we thought would not affect me ... but it did......my skin started bleeding  the doc freaked out
and so had to cauterise all the bleedouts  which consisted of him jabing in a local anesthesia  needle then applying  a cauteriser... more pain
Omg ....i hope i cleaned some karma up with that lot  sheesh
I know what you  ean about starting a new job etc i start another project tomorrow. ....this will be interesting ....its a really big project....thousands of people .... lol it always feels llike show time ....i got my nails done in a nice glossy black in preparation.
I,m so tired my feet more so .... i was inspired  by Lizk to start exercising  again .... early days but i,m doing 8kms a day .... i thought if Liz can do it with a painful hip and a walking stick .... then i should take  notice ....so thats what i did  doing 8kms 70mins  1000 calories per session and i dont leave the treadmill  till its done ... omg my feet are so sore though...  when i first started hrt my doc said dont get fat ....thats all..... guess what happened. ....now the long road back up .
Yes Liz back to the bush .....😒😌😆☺
Oops i forgot  to mention it all truned out well on that job ....people were really good to me .... i didnt have to do the brass band thing ....smart people .... there were some hilarious  faux pax ..... as in we were talking  about one of next projects that had  asbestos  and i mentioned what a pain it would  e wearing a mask and mate  laughed and said "you'll have to shave your beard off ".....lol
 BTW  this is gold ..... you only have to count carbs not calories to lose weight .... no more than 30 grams carbs per day .....choose them carefully  😆 down 2 kg already got that gem  from a bloke who lost 20kg in 3 mths at work no exercise ...sitting in a machine  all day. ...
...it does work
 

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 02, 2019, 09:37:52 pm
yay.... progress

(https://vgy.me/823WJh.png)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2019, 12:37:41 am
Finally got demobilised from the job😁 whew that was a hard number conditions wise
in the end everything and everyone was cool concerning me and i made new friends
So now I've started a new project with like perhaps 2000 workers... I've not had any dramas yet. A few odd. looks from guys.... lots of smiles from women and there are lots of people I've worked with on other jobs, great facilities it appears.
only had one guy screwing his face at me a couple of times... if he does it again I'll warn him.
As for everyone knowing my status at the last camp.... Well today sitting in the crib hut waiting to be assigned a job, the girl sitting across from me
after a bit of banter remarked on my looks and then she leaned across and whispered, "are you transgender?" so i said yes i am.... i said why do you ask... and she said well someone told me you were
and i asked who told you? a boy or a girl you dont have to mention any names
whereupon she told me it was a woman who has friends in the old camp / job i was at and someone from there had told her....so i told just 3 women back there lol 
Now the word will spread through this camp😁
My new friend filled me in on how she had been watching guys check me out.... I'm oblivious to that but she is adamant its happening.. i was adamant to her that it was my blue eyes and silver teeth.... but she insists that its true  she also reckons I'm too hard on myself....
Lost 4kg (thanks for inspiring me Lizk) that works out to a kg per week
.



Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on March 09, 2019, 12:45:53 am
Hi Drexy

Well well well look at you the star of the show...almost ;D

Glad things are working out for you in the new job...it is hardly surprising the gossip mill is running..its amazing you haven't broken it yet. I know how you like to stir things along. Congrats on the new job I hope that goes really well for you.

So lots of guys checking you out....Hmmmm from what I remember you are not totally adversed to being admired by the guys.

Thanks for the update....how goes the list or surgeries...you can't have too many more to go??

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2019, 02:54:29 am
Hi Liz  thanks lol yes it amazing how quick word travels in these places
Mmmm  i dont mind some positive attention but i think its ' every holes a goal'
more likely 🤣🤪
still it is as you say i don't mind a bit of attention from the guys.... inexplicable but i think it
i feel it validates my femaleness i guess.
i, m looking at getting a ffs revision done and i need another face lift its really important to wait after ffs before having the facelift... i waited about 5mths?.... to early at least a year the longer the better
vfs and the top surgery
and i think that will be it for the time being
are you going to upload a comparison of your vfs i, m just dieing to hear 😊
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on March 09, 2019, 04:08:00 am
Hi Drexy

Yes I am but I am waiting for my voice to settle a bit more.  I have noticed over the last 4-5 days that I can now speak first thing in the morning and when I try and talk after being silent for awhile I am not just “blowing air” So going by this progress it should be in the next week  Speaking today my voice sounded pretty reasonable (to me) compared to the previous days so hopefully it has found its middle...time will tell. But fingers crossed this week...I just need to find somewhere to upload it.

take care
Liz


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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on March 09, 2019, 05:00:55 am
Just uploaded a sample of my new voice to my VFS. thread on the  voice surgery  board...Enjoy just remember it’s only 35 days


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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: JudiBlueEyes on March 09, 2019, 08:04:53 am
Best of luck in the new camp Drexi. 
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 09, 2019, 03:09:23 pm
thanks judie
going to check it out Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 30, 2019, 12:37:35 am
(https://vgy.me/kWTwBE.jpg)

I was tagged in FB with this by one of my work mates.....🤣🤣🤣
He's switched on
This new camp is huge and the conditions are great
Hmmm getting consistently scoped by various men and one day after work at the wetmess I was standing in line and the guy in front of me turns around as I got my drinks and asks me if I'd like to put mine in his ice bucket....I automatically said no thanks as I was going to join my colleagues at their table...

It didn't occur to me until later ....what a slick/sly move he had made
because if I had that would have meant  I would have joined him at his table......
I'm getting good at spotting the bi guys because they recognize me if you know what I mean.
The other night I had a phone call out of the blue from my last gf ....we haven't seen each other for a couple of years at least...
Anyway her first words were "what's going on ??!!"
I said what do you mean ?
" I've had 5 ph calls from different people including my brother saying you look like a woman !!!"
So I had  some explaining to do...and then she asked me if I got around camp in female clothes....( not likely...too many sex starved men up here )
And asked me if I was going to have the op ? I said why ? and she laughed and said " so you can see how many Doodles you can get in there " 🤣🤣🤣
Hmmm I don't know if I like men that much lol.
 told my doc what she had said and he cracked up.
I sent my ex 3 photos one without makeup ,one with makeup and one of me at work
and the reply I got back was " *@#&×¢ hell you do look like a woman"
oh I forget one of my new buddys that I have a few drinks with told me one night that people had asked him ..if it was a man or a woman he was drinking with...I guess that's a good thing ...but kinda sad too
maybe I'm the elephant in my own room as I still see a man in the mirror...and most mirrors make me feel yuck ....and I'm not even going to go into photos....blah..
Anyway the rumor Mill is redlining and the bush telegraph has gone into overdrive
Soon it will be common knowledge 😅
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 30, 2019, 06:59:36 pm
<img src="https://vgy.me/DABO2J.mp4" alt="DABO2J.mp4">

the wet mess
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on March 31, 2019, 12:26:56 am
  Hi Drexy! I enjoyed your last update and that exchange with you last girlfriend was priceless. Did you ask if she was interested in the new you? lol. Careful around all those big strong men. You aren't the man you used to be remember. Not anything like him and he was just a impersonation you got used to wearing. Glad you are doing well. Just thought I would say hey while I was here.

hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on March 31, 2019, 06:31:36 pm
Hi Laurie, hey you look great ....high cheek bones and v jaw ....with no surgery.....😊
yes true I'm different now .... people i haven't seen for a couple of years remark on the change in my body but generally don't mention my face,
Mmmm men lol.....
Some of my old mates have been a bit standoffish.....I guess that's fair enough as it could be a bit surreal for them but after a few drinks most have come around...
Good thing about being construction workers ....if we encounter a problem ...we just build  abridge and get over it .

(https://vgy.me/uRudWE.jpg)
 Two pac blue with Pearl and magnetic metal flake 😁
mmm don't know about the ex.... she's an ex Australian roustabout (cow girl) very forthwith 😉
I've noticed the guys get Abit touchy feely after a few drinks  and at last night's librations a guy who was leaving the table came up to me firmly placed his had on my back and told me there were some coldies left if I wanted them....very friendly warm contact...I get some really warm smiles from some men ....those are the ones I like
Whereupon others just notice me when their hardup .....
At prestart yesterday while we were all crammed into the lunch hut ...the supervisor was asked what was happening with the 1200  excavator .... whereupon he answered
It's getting a service and it's nails and eye lashes done .... I'd just had my nails and brows done...one of the girls looked back at me ...to see my reaction ....I just kept my poker face....I wondered if he was trying for humour , or taking a shot at me or just a massive faux pas...
So later in the day he asked me over the 2 way where my paperwork was from the day before (I forgotten to hand it in) So I replied yeah nah...spilled nail polish over them ..have to rewrite em.
Dead silence.... mainly because he was lost for words and everyone else were pissing themselves with laughter..... anyway it defused any tension
And this morning  he said how's that nail polish coming along with a brig grin
and I replied ....good mate 2pac blue with metal flake.
..
That's the great thing about most Aussies...big hearts great sense of humour
And I guess it helps if you are comfortable with yourself too.
That what Janae Croc reckons and I've found it to be true
She's very inspiring.   
https://www.janaekroc.com
And has a film out "Transformer" which Chronicles her transition from one of the world's strongest men to female ....
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Laurie on March 31, 2019, 10:55:53 pm
Nice to catch up with you Drexy. Oh my gosh, thanks for the compliment. Like you I don't see what others appear to see in the mirror. I am aware of one thing though I do look more female when I smile. Need to get that crooked toothe fixed though. It is fun to hear how you relate the goings on and shenanigans you encounter with your work mate and it still amazes me how well you seem to get along in that rough and tumble work environment.  You go girl!!

 Hugs,
  Laurie
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on April 01, 2019, 04:27:26 am

So later in the day he asked me over the 2 way where my paperwork was from the day before (I forgotten to hand it in) So I replied yeah nah...spilled nail polish over them ..have to rewrite em.
Dead silence.... mainly because he was lost for words and everyone else were pissing themselves with laughter..... anyway it defused any tension
And this morning  he said how's that nail polish coming along with a brig grin
and I replied ....good mate 2pac blue with metal flake.
..
That's the great thing about most Aussies...big hearts great sense of humour
And I guess it helps if you are comfortable with yourself too.
....

Great to hear from you and thanks for the update. Nice to see you sounding so upbeat and I love the nail polish. Nothing like a bit of Aussie humour to break the ice and put everyone at ease. Sounds like you are turning a few heads in camp which I am guessing is a good thing?? You sound positive about it so I will assume its good.

Would love to see some updated photos as the last one I saw was from Mexico I think? I am sure you will have changed again since then.

The new camp looks huge but I guess that goods for getting lost in the crowd but I can tell from what you have said that is unlikely especially with fabulous nail polish like you have.

You will be pleased to hear the voice is settling down and I can communicate fairly well these days and I am still pitching well into the female range. My Daughter told me the other night it was great that I sounded like I always had with just my pitch having gone up. I did try and tell them this is how it would be but I guess they had to hear it for themselves. How about you have you looked into it any more?

Great to hear form you

Take care

Liz
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on April 01, 2019, 07:12:29 am
Hi there Liz I'll make this brief as the witching hr is upon me ...4am start....😉
I'm pleased to hear your voice is progressing so well....the more I think about it the more that voice pitch is salient !!! I look forward to your progress 😊
Yes any attention is good when your my age ....it's not bad more positive than negative
I have to bit the sack now .....but this is what I look like just having got back from work via the wetmess.....
(https://vgy.me/O8oLKy.jpg)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: zirconia on April 01, 2019, 08:08:19 am
Nice!! :)
Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on April 01, 2019, 05:18:50 pm
Thank you 😘
Mmm it's not very girly looking ...but in these conditions it's to host and dusty to wear a wig... I'm hoping to have a ffs revision in the future..still it's further to female than it was before
Title: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on April 02, 2019, 05:06:00 pm
Oh wow I just looked at one of the earlier photos you sent me and you have really changed...I can certainly see Drexy...no wonder you keep attracting guys.

Thanks for the photo.

Liz


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Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on April 03, 2019, 10:16:15 pm
Thank you Liz ...hmmm with the guys it's kinda a captive audience...I see more men here every day here than I would in the real world and because of the different rosters there are always new faces etc,
In response about the vfs ....yes I certainly am ... but before I do I want to make sure I look female enough I don't want people thinking that I'm some sort of effeminate man
I don't mind if they know that I'm trans as long as that's what they realize and not the former it's a non binary thing I guess.... I'd love to wear feminine clothing ...but my size makes it difficult.
But thank you  for noticing 😊

Laurie ...yes the smile is important along with the teeth.
How do I manage to get along ....well a lot of people have been exposed to transgender
in Thailand ....and then we have our rules and regs against harassment ,
But apart from that it helps to have a sense of humour,and I don't take myself to seriously.....
I'm expecting that as people get more comfortable with me there will be inquiries
And lastly ....I have to , I don't have enough time in front of me anymore....no time to Dilly dally ....just to do .....as barbies sign reads "just do it"

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: Drexy/Drex on April 12, 2019, 01:30:59 am
As an aside
Last night one of my old buddy's turned on site ,working for another company.
Anyway he messaged me and we decided  to meet up in wetmess
So I'm sitting there talking to a couple of my crew and k walks right past ...
So I yell out to him and he comes over ....very first thing he does is point to my nails and says .... you've got me wondering if you've changed gender! both of my crew  had an odd reaction ....like shock, fear , and momentarily disoriented.....as if K had done the unthinkable....I found it rather amusing.... considering with all the gossip going around,
Anyway I thought it was quite diplomatic of him as k has a habit of calling a spade a spade  and it was much more gentle than my ex,s comments ....such as "Are you turning into some sort of Pooftahh...!!!)
k and I went and had a few drinks he didn't mention anything more about gender etc
and when we split he stood up gave me a firm handshake ...not bad for not seeing me for 6 years....
Mind you these days I don't flinch so easy ....I was actually amused by his first words and the reaction my colleagues had.....🤣🤣🤣
Most of the time I don't have problems but I have had some seriously resentful looks
Where I've just stared at that person till they've desisted....
I don't know what has happened to me but I am definitely less fearful than I was
Perhaps having nothing to hide and nothing to prove .....grants one a lot of freedom ....

Title: Re: Thinking out loud
Post by: LizK on April 14, 2019, 04:28:01 am
......
I don't know what has happened to me but I am definitely less fearful than I was
Perhaps having nothing to hide and nothing to prove .....grants one a lot of freedom ....

I think you nailed it @Drexy/Drex . I think that is a great insight especially in light of your get together withy K. Glad it turned out to be so positive.

Take care

Liz