I guess my experience is different. I have known for a really really long time. Instead of doing something about it, I chose to hide it. In hiding it, I am always thinking about it. How people will react to what I say, what people can see through, everything from being concious about how I move to how I am feeling at a given particular moment. It has lead me to feel like I am constantly on display. It has lead me to question every move I make in life until everything was praticed enough.
Perhaps I was too metaphorical in my previous post.
Personally, and please note the word personally here, I feel like everyone CAN see it because it is such a prevelant part of my inner thoughts. People relate to me based on what they see and what they believe to be true and not the real me. So, it is like people relate to the worst part of me, because it's NOT ME AND NEVER HAS BEEN! Sometimes I want to scream that out. But I have far to much control of my emotions to ever do that. That's how it relates to other people, in my opinion Stephanie.
QuoteBeing TG has nothing to do with other people, and what they may think, it's about the individual.
In that way, it has a lot to do with other people. It also has a lot to do with me and who I am inside this shell.
QuoteSorry Jess but I will have to entierly disagree with you on this. No one puts there worst characteristic on display. When we go out as ourselves we do not put our worst face on.
When we go out day to day
before transitioning, knowing who we are on the inside but hiding it within who we are on the outside? For me, I feel like my worst characteristic is on display. People relate to me not as who I am but as who I appear to be. Admittedly I am guilty because I help perpetuate it by not doing anything about it. However, that doesn't change the way I feel.
You are both looking at this from the perspective of living full time as who you REALLY are and in no way was I deriving how I felt from that perspective because I haven't been there yet. My personal experience and what I wrote on was from the perspective of hiding it.
I should have been more clear. I went back and reread your posts carefully.
QuoteWhen we go out as ourselves we do not put our worst face on.
QuoteI've been at this for quite a number of years now and never have I felt that way, even metaphorically, and to be honest I can't see where your statement is any description on what it means and feels like to be TG.
We are at two different points in our lives. You are both reading my previous post coming from a living full time as who you are on the inside perspective. I am specifically talking about how I feel, right now, still hiding the real me from the rest of the world. If you would please, try rereading my post from that perspective and I think it will be more clear.
QuoteMy flaw is my male body and I have stopped displaying that.
Cassie nailed it dead on, THAT is EXACTLY the flaw I mean, whereas both of you have stopped displaying that, I haven't, which is where our perspective differs.
And Valerie, you are more than welcome to post here. Your thoughts, comments and experiences in life are just as valued as anyone elses.
I was just trying to put my personal experience regarding this very difficult concept into words.
With that said, I am so sorry for messing up this thread, I just thought I would give my personal experience as of this point in time, in my life. I am very sorry. Congratulations Stephanie on that fabulous accomplishment, I am envious, but it took a lot of courage, soul-searching, and tenacity for you to reach that point and you should be proud!
<hugs> all around.
Jessica
