Author Topic: What if I'm actually cis?  (Read 1847 times)

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Offline perrystephens

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What if I'm actually cis?
« on: November 28, 2014, 10:54:44 pm »
Does anyone else ask themselves this question? 90% of my friends are online and a lot of them seem somewhat cisphobic sometimes and I get it bc i've felt the same way sometimes but especially being gender fluid, I sometimes feel female for a while (I'm afab) and start thinking "What if this is permanent?" I almost feel like I wouldn't be as welcome in the trans* community even though I still understand and want to help other people if I can and maybe some of my friends would open up to me less or people will think i've been lying or just wanted attention or something and every time i see a statistic say something like "most trans* people show signs as early as 3 years old" or something like that im like i can't be trans because that's not true for me and the possibility of being cis is sort of an irrational fear but it's been bugging me for a while especially when I feel female. I've even introduced myself to other trans people as ftm when i've been feeling male for a while and start to think it's going to be permanent and then have to figure out a way to tell them i'm actually gender fluid without them thinking i'm just a confused/lying cis person. Idk what my question is. I just felt like I had to talk about this.

Cindy

Re: What if I'm actually cis?
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2014, 01:19:57 am »
It is extremely common to be gender fluid during your teens. This is one reason that medical providers use reversible puberty blockers in teens so that there are no permanent changes until the gender orientation settles down.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in keeping questioning, thinking and discussing the issue. BTW do you have a therapist you can talk to?

Offline JustASeq

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Re: What if I'm actually cis?
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2014, 01:27:23 am »
So yeah, cisphobic is not a thing. It's like saying heterophobic or reverse racism. Cis people face no type of oppression for being cis. Also... totally nothing wrong with being gender fluid and if you realize that one of the binaries that you talk about moving between fits, that's great. If you realize that you are non-binary, also great. And if you realize that you are non-gender that also works. You are you, forget what anyone else has to say about your gender expression or identity. That's how I found myself :) Along with the help of my therapist.
-Seq

Cindy

Re: What if I'm actually cis?
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2014, 01:34:36 am »
So yeah, cisphobic is not a thing. It's like saying heterophobic or reverse racism. Cis people face no type of oppression for being cis. Also... totally nothing wrong with being gender fluid and if you realize that one of the binaries that you talk about moving between fits, that's great. If you realize that you are non-binary, also great. And if you realize that you are non-gender that also works. You are you, forget what anyone else has to say about your gender expression or identity. That's how I found myself :) Along with the help of my therapist.

Mild correction, yes, cispeople do get rejection from (usually) trans or homosexual groups. ::)

Offline JustASeq

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Re: What if I'm actually cis?
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2014, 01:43:46 am »
Mild correction, yes, cispeople do get rejection from (usually) trans or homosexual groups. ::)

I think there are a few different chains of thought about this. I personally wonder why would a cis person feel left out for not being accepted as trans* and how is that cisphobic? The fact that the terminology "cis" was created to make it so you couldn't say "trans" woman/man and "normal" woman/man means that it was created out of oppression and is merely proof in my eyes. Also not sure what homosexual groups don't like cis people? I was under the impression that there were plenty of homosexual groups that excluded trans men and women because of nothing other than their lack of "cis"-ness ie: their trans identities.
-Seq

Offline perrystephens

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Re: What if I'm actually cis?
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2014, 02:03:30 am »
It is extremely common to be gender fluid during your teens. This is one reason that medical providers use reversible puberty blockers in teens so that there are no permanent changes until the gender orientation settles down.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in keeping questioning, thinking and discussing the issue. BTW do you have a therapist you can talk to?

I don't have a therapist at the moment. My parents are kind of in denial that i have any reason to need a therapist. I have other issues than my gender identity, but especially with our financial situation, we all just pretend there's nothing wrong and I don't try too hard to talk about it because I know we can't afford therapy anyway. :/

So yeah, cisphobic is not a thing. It's like saying heterophobic or reverse racism. Cis people face no type of oppression for being cis. Also... totally nothing wrong with being gender fluid and if you realize that one of the binaries that you talk about moving between fits, that's great. If you realize that you are non-binary, also great. And if you realize that you are non-gender that also works. You are you, forget what anyone else has to say about your gender expression or identity. That's how I found myself :) Along with the help of my therapist.

Sorry, I don't think I was clear enough. I didn't mean cisphobia in the form of oppression, but maybe the possibility that some of my friends would like me a little less or stop talking to me. I don't think that would happen but the idea still scares me. I didn't mean for it to come off as though I'm talking about oppression.

Cindy

Re: What if I'm actually cis?
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2014, 02:11:39 am »
Do you have a school counsellor you can talk to?

Don't worry about terminology, it can be very confusing and the youth section is here so we can talk freely about stuff without getting bogged down.

Offline perrystephens

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Re: What if I'm actually cis?
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2014, 02:18:47 am »
Do you have a school counsellor you can talk to?

I go to school online so no counselor either, I don't think.

Cindy

Re: What if I'm actually cis?
« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2014, 02:25:21 am »
Do you have a school counsellor you can talk to?

I go to school online so no counselor either, I don't think.

Might be worth asking?

Offline adrian

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Re: What if I'm actually cis?
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2014, 02:46:21 am »
Perry, first of all -- if you are gender fluid you're not cis.
Second, when it comes to "cisphobia" (if that's what want to call it). For me this takes the form of a certain reluctance or tiredness to deal with people I'd describe as "cissexist". People who question my experience, people who don't "get it", who take a biologist stance towards gender, etc.

But even if you ended up identifying as cis, you would still have a much better understanding of how it feels to question your gender (and have it questioned by others). And you most certainly wouldn't fall into the cissexism trap because of your experience! So as you said -- you would still be able to offer valuable support to folks in a similar situation. Why wouldn't you not be welcome in the community :).

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