First Time Using Women's Room

[Skeptoid]

I'm getting my gender on my identity card changed on Friday since my letter finally came in the mail. Since I will be legally able I'm going to start using the women's room but I'm super nervous. I'm still going through electrolysis and will be for at least another year or two.  For about three to four days of the week I can't shave. Has anyone else done it anyway? In my state I should have zero legal issues with this once cards are changed. I'm just worried about a bunch of unnecessary drama. I'm not even confident of using it when I am clean shaven. My voice is a dead giveaway still. All in all I'm super anxious. Among other reasons, I want to get my legal change done NOW just in case the rules change down the road. My employer told me once I legally change it I'll be *required* to use the women's room anyway at work.

[zog]

I don't use anything but gender neutral restrooms. Therefore I sidestep all the issues nicely.

Then again, sometimes it means that I just don't go since they're not always available. But no drama!

[Skeptoid]

Well, I can't avoid using the restroom personally.

[Mariah]

How much facial hair do you have remaining and are you do anything to cover it in between electrolysis sessions. Knowing this probably help us give you a better answer otherwise you may need to use gender neutral bathrooms as your best option.

Well, I can't avoid using the restroom personally.

[mac1]

I used the women's room once in Meijer's when my wife was in there. It was in the late evening. I first went in the men's room and found the only stall occupied. I had to pee really bad and felt like I couldn't wait. I determined that my wife was the only person in the women's and went into the other unoccupied stall. While we were both in the stalls, another woman came in.  I waited for my wife to finish and the other woman to get into the stall. I then exited and went back into the men's to wash my hands. The stall in there was still occupied. Don't know what would have happened if I had been caught.

[ImagineKate]

The electrolysis stuff makes it tough. How is your voice? If your voice is fem enough it can override the facial hair problem.

[ImagineKate]

On a side note, I do use the ladies if I'm presenting female because I get really weird looks if I use the men's.

[suzifrommd]

Skeptoid, passability is not, not, not, not a requirement for using the Women's. I have a lot of MtF friends who don't pass, but who use the Women's all the time.

You are a woman. The women's room is where we go. It just is. You have just as much right there as any woman. Anyone who gives you a hard time about using the restroom, either because of their opinion of your gender (which doesn't count) or because of any other equally irrational and unreasonable basis, is in the wrong.

When we are presenting as women, passable or not (it doesn't matter), the Woman's room is the place for us to "go".

[ImagineKate]

Skeptoid, passability is not, not, not, not a requirement for using the Women's. I have a lot of MtF friends who don't pass, but who use the Women's all the time.

You are a woman. The women's room is where we go. It just is. You have just as much right there as any woman. Anyone who gives you a hard time about using the restroom, either because of their opinion of your gender (which doesn't count) or because of any other equally irrational and unreasonable basis, is in the wrong.

When we are presenting as women, passable or not (it doesn't matter), the Woman's room is the place for us to "go".

I make an exception for work, where I really don't present fully female yet but it's rather obvious, as I've done everything short of walking in wearing a dress. I don't want to be fired or destroy the goodwill I've gotten from them with regard to my transition. But when I start presenting at work the ladies is where I will be.

[Steph34]

My voice is a dead giveaway still.

It should not be necessary to use one's voice in the restroom. I try to avoid talking anywhere unless it is necessary, and can sometimes let out a feminine tone depending on my reflux that day.

I don't use anything but gender neutral restrooms. Therefore I sidestep all the issues nicely.

Then again, sometimes it means that I just don't go since they're not always available. But no drama!

Unfortunately, I have found that many facilities do not have a gender-neutral bathroom, and when there is one, it is often a single stall for people with disabilities and is already occupied, often by someone who will not be quick. As a fairly obvious queer, I prefer not to loiter near bathrooms.

Well, I can't avoid using the restroom personally.

I usually can, though it often means being in agony and having multiple accidents. I am sure there are many hateful people out there who love the thought of that, and by avoiding the facilities I am giving them power. Still, I do not pass well enough to feel comfortable in the women's room, and men typically do not like to see me in their room wearing a somewhat fitted shirt and analyzing my hair/scalp in the mirror. So I try to avoid the situation altogether unless it is an emergency for #2. Change is hard.

Skeptoid, passability is not, not, not, not a requirement for using the Women's. I have a lot of MtF friends who don't pass, but who use the Women's all the time.

You are a woman. The women's room is where we go. It just is. You have just as much right there as any woman. Anyone who gives you a hard time about using the restroom, either because of their opinion of your gender (which doesn't count) or because of any other equally irrational and unreasonable basis, is in the wrong.

When we are presenting as women, passable or not (it doesn't matter), the Woman's room is the place for us to "go".

I agree with that on principle, but I fear a cis woman would call the cops. I have been ticketed, intimidated, kidnapped, threatened with death, and even assaulted by cops without ever violating a single law. I am convinced the police departments are organized crime units and I really do not want to draw their attention, especially now that I am 'out' as a transwoman.

[Seras]

Do what you feel is comfortable Skeptoid. If you want to use it and feel comfortable use the womens. If you don't, then don't. If I was not feeling passable I wouldn't want to use them. I am still at an androgynous stage personally so since I am more comfortable with it I generally use the mens toilets if I have to. I am pragmatic, it is easier for me and I don't care cause it doesn't give me any dysphoria or anything. It wouldn't be worth the anxiety for me at this stage.

[Beth Andrea]

I would add to be ready the first few times to face someone who may challenge you...if you're not pyschologically ready and you get brow-beaten, it could affect you for a long time.

Go in, and remind yourself "hey, I'm a woman just like any other; if someone has a problem with me, that is THEIR problem, not mine." After you've been in a few times, confidence develops and if you're confronted after that happens you may find that the haters are rather ridiculous in their opinions.

[Jaz650]

I would add to be ready the first few times to face someone who may challenge you...if you're not pyschologically ready and you get brow-beaten, it could affect you for a long time.

Go in, and remind yourself "hey, I'm a woman just like any other; if someone has a problem with me, that is THEIR problem, not mine." After you've been in a few times, confidence develops and if you're confronted after that happens you may find that the haters are rather ridiculous in their opinions.

I agree after a few times it will become natural for you. I go potty with girls that know, and they really just don't care. Just do your business and leave. It's really no big deal. Females really just don't care. Plus, you ARE a female.

[ImagineKate]

I agree after a few times it will become natural for you. I go potty with girls that know, and they really just don't care. Just do your business and leave. It's really no big deal. Females really just don't care. Plus, you ARE a female.

Huge, huge difference with you though. You are extremely passable, beyond what most trans women are. Those of us that look more than a little masculine could arouse suspicion, even to the point of the word "perv" being thrown at us and the cops being called. This is why I really only use the ladies when I'm pretty sure I'd pass.

[Unrepentant]

If your ID says female, you are empowered by law to use the washroom the gender marker says you are. Not much to think about!

[Zoetrope]

I just use the ladies anyway ... nobody seems to care!


Well, there is a back story. I was at a gay club this time last year, all dressed up of course.

I hadn't yet been to the ladies at that point. So I went to the mens'.

I gave a bunch of guys stage fright! They were very disconcerted by having a trans-girl in the mens' room.

So ... it's been ladies' ever since ....

[awilliams1701]

I used the men's room for the first time since starting to use the ladies room over the weekend. I was at the theater watching night at the museum and had to go during the movie. I could not find the ladies room anywhere. Since there was a line at the family room, I said screw it and used the men's room. I felt weird going back in there, but I was out of options. After the movie my mom (my parents were visiting me for christmas) needed to use the restroom. She too couldn't find it. As we were just about to leave we found the ladies room. So next time I go there I'll know where it is.

[Skeptoid]

Well, I got my ID last week and I've been using the women's room for a few days now. Oddly enough, I have yet to run into another women at the same time I was entering or leaving.

[mac1]

Well, I got my ID last week and I've been using the women's room for a few days now. Oddly enough, I have yet to run into another women at the same time I was entering or leaving.

That is rather unusual for the women's room.

[WFane]

I've been using the ladies room for over a year now. No one's said anything to me, except one lady who was letting me know which stall wasn't disgusting