Author Topic: Grrr, why is this so complicated?  (Read 29231 times)

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Offline Cassi

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #200 on: March 05, 2018, 12:53:55 pm »

Well no <poo> Sherlock because having BPD (known for impulse and self defeating behavior) and ADHD (known for impulsive behavior and poor planning) make it so frickin easy to run your finances.  I suck at it and have for as long as I've been an adult.  I'm so glad you told me what I already know, but am completely unable to actually do.

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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #201 on: March 05, 2018, 01:06:08 pm »
Aha, here's the Amber we all know and love!!!!!
If this is who you love, we are going to have issues.

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Offline Cassi

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #202 on: March 05, 2018, 01:12:07 pm »
If this is who you love, we are going to have issues.

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Issues and Tissues! And I said "We", not "Me" LOL - Hang in there kid!
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Offline Jenntrans

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #203 on: March 05, 2018, 01:44:33 pm »

Well no <poo> Sherlock because having BPD (known for impulse and self defeating behavior) and ADHD (known for impulsive behavior and poor planning) make it so frickin easy to run your finances.  I suck at it and have for as long as I've been an adult.  I'm so glad you told me what I already know, but am completely unable to actually do.

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LOL I know. Believe me I know. It takes a lot. Yeah I am still ADHD and what I find not interesting then screw it. UGH. Bipolar I know what it is but have never heard it put that way. One day you may be laser focused and manic even, the next day depressed. It used to be called manic depressive disorder but bipolar is easier to swallow.

Some medications will make you compulsive. Hey I bought my first truck on an impulse. My second too and hired a driver through close scrutiny. My third truck was an impulsive purchase too then it kept going. The ADHD well I was hyped about driving and owning more. Bipolar seems to be a common diagnosis these days. You are depressed and a little pissed off then a shrink will diagnose you as Bipolar. That is way easier than getting to the real problem of why you are depressed and pissed sometimes at the same time. It is when the ups get more polarized with the downs. In other word Mania and Depression on totally opposite scales.

So my dear Watson, get a second opinion. Check your medication because Cymbalta has been know to cause compulsory behavior as a side affect. What about Adderall? Am I the only one that reads the side effects for medication? If medication doesn't work totally correct then tell your doctor and then try something else. Different people react different ways to different medications.

Actually I am so sorry to have offended you so I will bow down and say good luck. I will reply no more here. Good luck amberwaves.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #204 on: March 05, 2018, 02:12:45 pm »
LOL I know. Believe me I know. It takes a lot. Yeah I am still ADHD and what I find not interesting then screw it. UGH. Bipolar I know what it is but have never heard it put that way. One day you may be laser focused and manic even, the next day depressed. It used to be called manic depressive disorder but bipolar is easier to swallow.

Some medications will make you compulsive. Hey I bought my first truck on an impulse. My second too and hired a driver through close scrutiny. My third truck was an impulsive purchase too then it kept going. The ADHD well I was hyped about driving and owning more. Bipolar seems to be a common diagnosis these days. You are depressed and a little pissed off then a shrink will diagnose you as Bipolar. That is way easier than getting to the real problem of why you are depressed and pissed sometimes at the same time. It is when the ups get more polarized with the downs. In other word Mania and Depression on totally opposite scales.

So my dear Watson, get a second opinion. Check your medication because Cymbalta has been know to cause compulsory behavior as a side affect. What about Adderall? Am I the only one that reads the side effects for medication? If medication doesn't work totally correct then tell your doctor and then try something else. Different people react different ways to different medications.

Actually I am so sorry to have offended you so I will bow down and say good luck. I will reply no more here. Good luck amberwaves.
No i do not suffer from bipolar.  I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder the acronym is close.  I believe bipolar typically uses BP.  I am not on cymbalta.  The Adderall works well, but 36 years of poor life skills counteracts a lot of it.

I do not mean to drive you away.  You meant well, just caught me at the wrong time.  Sorry.

Officially I have lost my fight with being depressed for today.  This is exactly the no win scenario to finish let off for today.  I gripe, someone chimes in with a well intentioned, but poorly timed, and possibly tactfully oblivious, comment and I snap.  Now they feel bad.  So I get to feel like even more hell for hurting someone's feelings. 

Then i tried to enlighten my coworkers on something just to get completely blank stares and laughter.  This is why I don't have friends I am not like normal people.  I can't relate to them and they can't relate to me.  Eff being a genius it's a damn curse.  I already see the isolation happening to my 7 year old daughter.  She can't relate to her peers because she is on an entirely different level.  She too gets to suffer from ADHD. 

In my case throw in one hell of a personality disorder, a dysfunctional family, and gender issues and shake vigorously.  God it's a ulfin wonder I'm still here.  God knows I've tried to destroy myself enough over the years.  One day I may just succeed.

I'm going to drive home now and listen to very loud, very angry music.  Signing off for a while.

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Offline Cassi

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #205 on: March 05, 2018, 02:21:41 pm »
Just stay away from the (C)Rap music.  Everything I hear it I want to do a drive-by.
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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #206 on: March 05, 2018, 02:54:03 pm »
Just stay away from the (C)Rap music.  Everything I hear it I want to do a drive-by.
Nope, punk music.

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Offline Cassi

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #207 on: March 05, 2018, 02:57:16 pm »
Good, well at least you won't be doing any drive-bys!
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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #208 on: March 05, 2018, 03:00:30 pm »
Good, well at least you won't be doing any drive-bys!
Nope just wishing I could crash.

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Offline Cassi

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #209 on: March 05, 2018, 03:03:26 pm »
Just be safe sweetie!
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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #210 on: March 05, 2018, 03:04:57 pm »
Just be safe sweetie!
Don't worry about me. Im too stubborn and stupid to give up.  I must be an emotional masochist because it seems I like the pain.

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Offline Cassi

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #211 on: March 05, 2018, 03:22:25 pm »
Don't worry about me. Im too stubborn and stupid to give up.  I must be an emotional masochist because it seems I like the pain.

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Sounds good!
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Offline Jenntrans

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #212 on: March 06, 2018, 01:11:00 pm »
Look amber I am so sorry. I sounded so condescending and even like an <jerk> or <not allowed>. Being either or has kept me alive so far.

We are not that much different and that attitude with calling me Sherlock? That is the attitude you should have all the time. I don't want to but have no problems telling someone to go "F" themselves and or flip them the bird. So get bad girl. Be a <not allowed> if need be. There is need for you to apologize for me. I am still here and will still try my best to help if I can.

Believe me in that I know life sux sometimes. I spent almost a year eating two bologna sandwiches for supper. Looked fine as hell and weighed every bit of 120 pounds. Breakfast was coffee and crosstops when they were legal. Lunch was cigarettes and sitting outside drinking a Coke after 4 more crosstops. Someone always had a left handed cigarette too so.... The eighties ya' know. In case no one knows that is Ephedrine tablets.

Life is hard and it always will be. But with borderline personality disorder, and it used to be called MPD, let the more assertive one take control if need be. We all have different personalities and even ask any psychiatrist or psychologist. The only time it becomes a problem is when you are not aware of it so I really don't know how you were diagnosed with borderline personalities. Sybil was a true case but made into a movie. But borderline personality disorder? Yeah who don't get pissed in a heartbeat when something don't go right? If that is the AMA's definitions of personality  disorders then no wonder most people are walking around high on prescripted drugs. Don't hold it in. Let the <not allowed> come out and believe me it is more healthy but maybe not so socially acceptable but it is better for you health and psychologically wise. Just like you did with me. Getting mad is not as unhealthy as holding the anger in. My doctor is surprised because I smoke and drink but my heart health is like a 25 year old's. Ok Maybe 30 year old's at 50. He was amazed. Could be genetics too but with my diet and smoking and drinking then I am suceptable too to other diseases but an ulcer or whatever else won't be one.

Girl, the only thing you can control in life is how you react to it. Just like being trans and having to need to let the woman rule or as a release of stress if you want to cross dress you can never live a lie for too long. It will have adverse effects psychologically and physically. Just like being mad and not letting it out. Not letting it loose is really unhealthy and causes health and psychological issues.

Look Amber always feel free to PM and cuss me as much as you want. I can take it and it really don't even make me mad even. I won't ever report you or anything else. There is nothing you could ever say that would insult me. Personally I would have used the term, "No Shirt, Shitlock." LOL. And yes I am a little pushy but I hope it let you get a little of the anger out. But when you are pissed and angry then voice it.

But then again I am different because even trans I was always the "bad girl". I was the one that was first in line for an undercut and or a short bob. I was always the first in line to dye my hair too. You have no need to apologize because I am the one that may have prodded a little too much. For that I am truly sorry so please forgive me for that. But you came back with a vengeance though.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #213 on: March 06, 2018, 03:14:49 pm »
Look amber I am so sorry. I sounded so condescending and even like an <jerk> or <not allowed>. Being either or has kept me alive so far.

We are not that much different and that attitude with calling me Sherlock? That is the attitude you should have all the time. I don't want to but have no problems telling someone to go "F" themselves and or flip them the bird. So get bad girl. Be a <not allowed> if need be. There is need for you to apologize for me. I am still here and will still try my best to help if I can.

Believe me in that I know life sux sometimes. I spent almost a year eating two bologna sandwiches for supper. Looked fine as hell and weighed every bit of 120 pounds. Breakfast was coffee and crosstops when they were legal. Lunch was cigarettes and sitting outside drinking a Coke after 4 more crosstops. Someone always had a left handed cigarette too so.... The eighties ya' know. In case no one knows that is Ephedrine tablets.

Life is hard and it always will be. But with borderline personality disorder, and it used to be called MPD, let the more assertive one take control if need be. We all have different personalities and even ask any psychiatrist or psychologist. The only time it becomes a problem is when you are not aware of it so I really don't know how you were diagnosed with borderline personalities. Sybil was a true case but made into a movie. But borderline personality disorder? Yeah who don't get pissed in a heartbeat when something don't go right? If that is the AMA's definitions of personality  disorders then no wonder most people are walking around high on prescripted drugs. Don't hold it in. Let the <not allowed> come out and believe me it is more healthy but maybe not so socially acceptable but it is better for you health and psychologically wise. Just like you did with me. Getting mad is not as unhealthy as holding the anger in. My doctor is surprised because I smoke and drink but my heart health is like a 25 year old's. Ok Maybe 30 year old's at 50. He was amazed. Could be genetics too but with my diet and smoking and drinking then I am suceptable too to other diseases but an ulcer or whatever else won't be one.

Girl, the only thing you can control in life is how you react to it. Just like being trans and having to need to let the woman rule or as a release of stress if you want to cross dress you can never live a lie for too long. It will have adverse effects psychologically and physically. Just like being mad and not letting it out. Not letting it loose is really unhealthy and causes health and psychological issues.

Look Amber always feel free to PM and cuss me as much as you want. I can take it and it really don't even make me mad even. I won't ever report you or anything else. There is nothing you could ever say that would insult me. Personally I would have used the term, "No Shirt, Shitlock." LOL. And yes I am a little pushy but I hope it let you get a little of the anger out. But when you are pissed and angry then voice it.

But then again I am different because even trans I was always the "bad girl". I was the one that was first in line for an undercut and or a short bob. I was always the first in line to dye my hair too. You have no need to apologize because I am the one that may have prodded a little too much. For that I am truly sorry so please forgive me for that. But you came back with a vengeance though.
Just a quick correction, no borderline personality disorder is and was not MPD or multiple personality disorder, which was renamed to Dissociative Identity Disorder.  Google is your friend.

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Offline Cassi

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #214 on: March 06, 2018, 06:43:31 pm »
Google is a spy for british and canadian intelligence.
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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #215 on: March 07, 2018, 12:42:25 pm »
Today is not so <poor> and despite wishing to wallow in my misery I'm in a good mood.  Stupid Adderall.

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Offline Cassi

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #216 on: March 07, 2018, 12:57:44 pm »
Today is not so <poor> and despite wishing to wallow in my misery I'm in a good mood.  Stupid Adderall.

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Poor baby!  I'll get to work on my Witch Board to see if we can get your dander up, okay?
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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #217 on: March 08, 2018, 08:38:06 am »
We've decided that despite getting screwed over we are still going to drive down to Harrisburg tomorrow evening to meet up with Michelle.  Can't spend a whole lot of money, but it'll be nice to actually go out for once.  Kind of excited to meet new people.  Maybe I can get someone to buy me drinks for once.  This woman thing has to be good for something, right?

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Offline Jenntrans

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #218 on: March 08, 2018, 11:43:23 am »
No google ain't quite as friendly as what you may think.

Actually we all have different personalities. Everyone, not just you. Yeah DPD used to be called MPD. But at work do you not have a different personality than at home and at home a different personality than with friends away from home? I know psychiatrists that don't think Borderline personality disorder is uncommon. Actually more normal than not. Our personality is what helps us function in varying social environments in the world and society. People have emotions and getting pissed is a more healthy emotion than not. Holding anger in is not that healthy and will lead to other problems later on. So being so nice and proper all the time is actually a health hazard but most office jobs require it. Good bosses and supervisors know this.

Actually to be completely honest I know what it is. I think it is totally normal. A lot of times when it comes to being trans, most of the therapists unless they are trans themselves can't explain it because most don't hold a degree in Psychology but rather counseling or whatever else with a passing knowledge of the human mind. If the mind is just a manifestation of the brain then there are a lot of things we can't explain. But when you see the brain as a physical manifestation of the mind then a lot can be explained yet not verified or proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Remember Google is your friend. The belief in reincarnation has been around a lot longer than the belief in one life redemption. I don't want to get spiritual or anything like that in your post but what if who you were born is not actually who you are on a much deeper level? There are actual psychologists with PHDs that have studied this and it is Taboo pretty much by the AMA and most if not all psychiatrists. Carl Jung if you read some of his works hinted at this too. Het we have Freudian slips. and Sigmund was know to partake a little especially with the COKE. They both worked together for a while until Jung thought the mind was deeper than just the brain.

I work close with a couple of psychiatrists yet I am mostly a parapsychologist and when all else fails they call me. There are a lot of things that can lead to paranoia, things that go bump in the night and so on. Sometimes medicine is the cure, sometimes it is not. When it is not they call me with the permission of their patients. I investigate everything from the history of where they reside to the geological locations to religious affiliations and so on. You would be surprised at how living close to a microwave tower can effect some people if they live within 500 yards of it. It is the same with wiring that was installed in the teens, 20's, 30s, and all the way up to new houses. A "Fear Cage" is a <not allowed>. Even Poltergeist activity I have investigated and there is one common theme. Appx. 95 percent I can find an explanation for. But there is the other 5 percent that I can't explain other than the realm of parapsychological or paranormal.

Look it took a while to get to my point but this is it. Maybe we are more in tune with who we are aside from a physical being that has whatever between our legs. Maybe we are seeing something bigger than what we should be according to modern society. There are cultures that have and still accept us but they aren't Western now. Native American nations would accept us and even take us as wives. Other cultures have used us when it came to the masculinity and then when no longer needed cast us aside. There are cultures within India but the more Western they become, the more they are cast aside. Google it because this isn't something new. And yes ancient Rome had their fair share of gay sex but that is just physical sex though. In the case of Berdaches I have no idea if the men that would take them as wives had sex with them but they were wives of great warriors, Chiefs and were respected and loved just like any other wife or wives. now they are called "two spirit". No one Spirit in the wrong body but still accepted on a deeper level of who they truly were.

Just Google Berdache. They were here way before the white people ever set foot in the Americas. God gave Joan of Arc great qualities to save her/his people yet the Church when Joan was no longer needed "crucified" him/her.

When it comes to "two spirits" that is modern European Societal Norms connecting our Tue Spirits with hour bodies. I seriously doubt the native American people called us Berdaches because that sounds more like French language than Native American languages.

So... We are timeless. We have always been here. We will always be here. We are nothing new and just because we are trans should not be any big deal. Yet it is. It seems to be a big deal now even on Reservations. I used to deliver to a lot of reservations when it came to driving trucks. One company it was transformers for electricity and the other Slot machines. The ones with the slots especially in the east did not care or didn't even know because they were mostly white. One of the biggest reservations out west, the man unloading my transformers called the elders. They asked me to talk. OK? I love to talk. But they did not use the word Berdache though. I won't even say it. But actually I was their guest because it was getting rare for them. But I was treated with so much respect and with so much hospitality. They told me a lot of stuff but just don't see it anymore because of society now days. They were my last stop so I took days off to learn and tell them about me. I am 1/4 Cheyenne. Unfortunately I never heard any stories from my grandfather but his stories from my grandmother which was mostly English. Of course the younger generations could care less but the elders did care. They told me that I was always welcome there with them. But what is the big deal? Even with The People, if most of society won't accept me then why would the younger generations there accept me when they are listening to rap and hooked on drugs and I ain't talking peyote or crazy weed either.

There are so many cultures that have accepted and admired us throughout history little be known. In France, The UK, the eastern block countries, and so on since everyone thinks Europe is so grand, how many trans can live openly in that area? Since most Americans have Native American blood in them we can sort of. Baily, Kimber, Nicole and so on. Yes they have the whole ideal of sex behind them by most if not all that watch them. But what about Laverne Cox and Jazz Jennings and others liky you and me? No one watches them or us on porn sights so... We can still live openly though. I think most people get it even if they refuse to.

So never let anyone get you down. Don't even let life get you down. And never let someone else's' mind and small thinking get you down. You can always move to a more accepting area and do the same work.

If ever you get down, just always remember that you and we are all special and society is changing but it takes a little time and then there is always one "asswipe" that you will always have to put up with so don't let them have the satisfaction. Do exactly like you did with me and put me in my place.

Sorry for the long post but like you told me, Google what I told you too about history and cultures. We have been here since forever and will remain until the end of time. There is no need to let it get to you and affect you. That was easy to say but hard to do. I know. :embarrassed:

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #219 on: March 08, 2018, 02:46:01 pm »
New hair color after a cut taken on a new phone.  New everything!  What do you think?


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