Author Topic: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?  (Read 4756 times)

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Offline DawnOday

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #20 on: July 29, 2018, 08:07:34 pm »
Thanks Sonja... It is pretty much as it came out of the camera this time.  No photoshopping.  :D
Dawn Oday

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What a trip it's been. I have been blessed in so many ways. I love my sisters, and happier than ever.



Offline Jin

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #21 on: July 30, 2018, 10:52:15 am »
We lived on a somewhat isolated farm so my playmates were my sister and two girl cousins, all older. Mama and Aunt Jane always called us inside with "Girls, dinner is ready." The neighbor boys really thought I was a girl until we got to the point of after sports showers. I was never bullied because I would not allow it. Later when puberty hit us and my breasts started to grow, I became very popular with the boys!
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Offline Lisa

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #22 on: July 30, 2018, 04:33:23 pm »
A thread I always wanted to make:
Did you play with girls or boys as a kid? Or with both? Or mostly with girls/boys?

Both.  I had a number of boys that I played with, but most were a lot rougher than I'd have liked, and I often had a hard time really fitting in (and they teased me for being friends with girls too ::)).  I also played with a few girls, and my best friend from the time I was 5-11 was a girl.  She started getting much more aloof and distant after that, but we did still talk and do things together occasionally till we were in college.


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Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?

Absolutely!  I was bullied quite a bit till I was older - it really only eased up around 7th/8th grade.  I was generally more sensitive and emotional than most of the boys I knew, and I was often teased and excluded and sometimes much worse for being a 'sissy' and a 'crybaby', and for not being athletic enough, and for not being into the right kinds of interests and toys and such (too much 'girl stuff', not enough 'boy stuff').


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Were you accepted in either group?

In general, no.  I had a few friends that were more accepting, but only if I mostly hid any interests that didn't match the gender rules for the group (i.e. no 'girl stuff' with the boys and no 'boy stuff' with the girls). 

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Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?

I didn't fit in then, and I still don't fit in now, at least not with most people anyway.


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Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?

Both.  I managed to make a few friends that I was mostly comfortable with (aside from having to hide some parts of my life as I mentioned earlier), but if I tried to join a random group of either boys or girls or even a mixture, I felt like an outsider that didn't belong and was often treated that way.


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Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy'  ;D?

Some of both.  A bit of a disclaimer here: I'm going by the typical gender norms from where and when I grew up rather than any personal beliefs, and I'm really hoping kids these days don't have to put up with the same kinds of attitudes that I did...  Anyway, on the 'boy stuff' side, I liked science, computers / video games (none of the violent ones though), building things (especially toys and mechanical stuff), and a few boys' cartoons, but I also disliked 'boys sports', rough play (I didn't mind if it was pretty light though), violent video games, and most other boys' toys and activities.  On the 'girl stuff' side, I liked cooking and baking (especially decorating cookies and cakes), sewing and other cloth / yarn / thread crafts, flowers, gardening, some girls'/women's fashion, and a few other typically feminine toys and activities, but I disliked makeup, barbie and similar dolls, playing house (though that could be due to always getting forced into the 'husband/father' role...), and anything that was drowning in over-the-top hot pink or glitter.  (I did and still do like some glittery things, but it. always. gets. everywhere!)

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Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?

Yes.  I'm naturally more of an introvert - I do like socializing to some extent, but I prefer smaller groups and I get tired after a while and need some 'alone time' to recharge.  The fear of bullying and teasing and the stress of having to hide so many parts of my personality from so many people made it more extreme when I was younger though, and I still take a long time to open up to people.

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How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?

More on the quite/sensitive side.  I could also be more active at times, but I wasn't one to make a scene or try to be the center of attention.

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How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?

I guess I'd say repressing things.  I carefully hid a lot of my interests and thoughts from people (both other kids and adults) to avoid being bullied or abandoned and it was frustrating and exhausting!

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Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?

My parents were more accepting than most other people in my life, but there were definitely still limits on what they would put up with when I was younger.

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Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really inforced on you?

Gender roles were pretty heavily enforced by most people I interacted with - friends, classmates, teachers, relatives, etc., though my parents were more lenient than most.

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Did having siblings play a part in the types of toys you had access to or the games you played? (Btw there is a thread about siblings in general already: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,231263.msg2056553.html#msg2056553)

Only child here, but the girl I was best friends with for a number of years lived close by (easy walking distance in a safe neighborhood), so I spent a lot of time with her and her family, and I pretty much thought of her like an adopted sister.  She wasn't especially feminine by the standards at the time, but I did like playing with her and some of her toys and games.

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And an extra question I'd like for you to answer:
If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would that be?

There's one non-gender-related item that I won't go into, but other than that, I'd want to grow up in a culture that was more accepting and supportive of people who didn't fit the typical gender standards.

Offline Virginia

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #23 on: August 03, 2018, 08:19:14 pm »
i found this thread intriguing because so many transgender folk had a similar childhood experience to my own.  I developed Dissociative Identity/Multiple Personality Disorder (DID/MPD) to cope with the trauma of childhood sexual and psychological abuse. There are five of us in my System; me, a 13 year old girl, an 8 year old boy, a Protector and an alter to coordinate the rest of us. You can read more in my post, "Childhood Trauma Survivor Misdiagnosed as Transsexual with Gender Dysphoria" at https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,176195.msg1548804.html#msg1548804

My grandparent's had iron clad late 1800's Eastern European immigrant mores about the things men and women were and were not supposed to do. Men were men and women were women' the two met in bed to make babies. Somehow it was "ok" for a man to cry when someone died and to hug a relative or close friend when greeting, but other than that he was an emotionless rock. Women's place was to make dinner and babies. Kids were one notch above slaves. My girl cousins tell me I had it easy as a boy; they were completely worthless.

My grandparents were all poor imigrants. Dad's father was mean as a snake. He worked his @$$ off 72 hours a week during the depression to feed the 11 of them, kept a nickel from his paycheck for a bottle of whiskey so he could escape on the weekends and beat the kids when he did. I'm sure that's what his old man did to him and his old man's old man did to his old man.

Mom was the only girl of 9 kids. One of her older brothers molested her for years so she did it to me. Her cousin raped me so I guess it runs on Grandmom's side of the family. Her Dad beat the kids when he got drunk too. But life is pretty good when that's all you know.

Clothes were clothes and you were lucky to have them. Mom wore her brother's HandMeDowns, told me she was such a tomboy my GrandMom was SURE she was going to grow up to be a man til she hit junior high and discovered she like boys. Mom was a fashionista and started wearing mens clothes when it came into vogue in the 70's. Drove my father NUTS. She wore mens jeans, sweats and PJs til she went into the nursing home. My parents gave me a girl cousin a couple years older than me's hand me downs for years. 

I was an only child and we lived in the country. The only playmates for miles around were my dog and the girl next door. Mom worked so I spent the afternoons with my Grandmom playing with my cousin and her girlfriends. I learned to crochet and cook and played ALOT of Barbie, trolls, dress up and tea party (Got a real charge out of talking to an older cousin I hadn't seen in 50 years when she told me how I always dragged out her dolls to play with when we came to visit :) Shrug, that was all I knew.

Dad tried to man me up a couple times, even got me a football and bat. Kinda hard when your only playmates are girls and a dog, and your Father thinks sports are a waste when you could be doing something productive like working.  Bottom line, I had plenty of dollies to play with so I asked Santa for a popular space man toy and model kits instead...

How would I describe myself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive? Being myself was never an option. I learned to be whatever people EXPECTED me to me - it worked for Batman so I figured I'd do it too. The problem was it worked so well I forgot who I was...

I was socially dysfunctional when it came to interacting with the rest of the guys when I started school. I fumbled along with Hot Wheels and trading cards for a couple years but things went out of control when my female alter (Flytrap) took over after the rape. She had no problems being one of the girls- walked like them, talked like them, giggled like them, ate lunch with them, worked in the library with them, played friggin Four-Square with them. The only thing she didn't do was have long hair or dress like them. All of that was up there in my head waiting to come out again when I had my breakdown and Flytrap realized she was a separate person...

The bullying started when I hit adolescence. Flytrap's girlfriends started drifting away from me because they saw me as guy and I was the laughing stock of the fellas. "Fag" notes in my locker, snickering and jeering behind my back, the $h!t hit the fan in 9th grade when a kid tipped my books out of my hands between classes. My Protector went ugly on ape on the kid. They had to pull me off of him to take him to the dispensary. I didn't remember a thing.

As the brain of the school, they never said boo to me or my parents about the fight. I came down with something the doctors said was "like mono" for about a month. My head felt like mush, I slept 12-16 hours a day and laid in bed like a zombie til it was time to go back to sleep. I was the de facto coolest guy in the school when I went back. My pecking order firmly established with my peers, NOBODY ever f****d with me again.

It took 7 years of therapy to understand this was when VA (me, the male Primary alter of the System) was created to protect Flytrap. I underwent a similar dissociation in 6th grade when she was created to protect LittleGuy, and 2 years ago when my mind created Little Flytrap to protect Flytrap from her memories of the rape. The human mind is amazing...

My trauma therapist says I was given an "inconsistent gender message that caused 'Identity Confusion' during critical stages of childhood development." Alot of water goes over the dam in 58 years. There isn't was one thing I would change about my childhood; I am who I am in spite of and because of it.

« Last Edit: August 04, 2018, 07:14:53 am by Virginia »
~VA (pronounced Vee- Aye, the abbreviation for the State of Virginia where I live)

Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #24 on: August 20, 2018, 03:07:02 pm »
Well you probably know my childhood situation already, Purplewolf, but I thought it's an interesting topic and one of few I can chime in on here now, so I'll answer the questions mostly just because. And that I'm a detransitioning cis person and not trans, yet persistently lurking around in the trans forums and all of that good stuff... I hope no one here minds ;)

Did you play with girls or boys as a kid? Or with both? Or mostly with girls/boys?
- I only had my sister as a friend to play with as a kid, but on very rare occasion also other girls of both my age and my sister's age. Boys didn't seem to like my company at all back then. But for the most part, I was on my own.

Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?
- Yes, from around age 6. I was gnc (short hair, wore "boy clothes") but wasn't bullied for that. But rather for my visible/noticable Asperger traits, that I wasn't very fast, that I misinterpreted a lot of social cues, that I was just socially awkward, very gullible, etc. My gender wasn't what they targeted, typically. Although they did sexually assault me once and that was probably at least partially because of my female anatomy. I don't blame myself or my body for it though.

Were you accepted in either group?
- Nope. Boys were more likely to bully me and girls were more likely to ignore/shun me, neither wanted me in their company. Very few kids were okay with me tagging along and only on occasion, but even they weren't overjoyed by my company. Girls were more likely to be kind towards me than boys, but I was still equally uncomfortable around both, cause it was very unpredictable who was gonna be nice or mean. I had no friends, except from my sister, up until around age 10-11.

Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?
- Definitely. I often thought of myself as very different. I watched some tv-series about aliens that looked like humans (Roswell) and I thought I was like them, as a kid. Like an alien in disguise. But I also thought of myself as better than my peers cause I wasn't mean. I already back then had a kinda "me against the world" way of thinking.

Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?
- Both. I was mostly uncomfortable with boys cause they were a lot more likely to push me around and be cruel, and I was mostly uncomfortable with girls cause they were more likely to act manipulatively or like I wasn't even there at all. I didn't feel a sense of belonging with people of either gender, as a kid. I don't think I do now either, but as an adult I don't feel uncomfortable with either men or women, just different. I see myself as a woman now, but ever since my teens I've been more comfortable around men, but for groups I strongly prefer groups of mixed genders.

Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy'  ;D?
- I preferred playing with barbie dolls, toy horses, and drawing. But on occasion I liked playing with toy cars and lego. I hated play-pretend games like roleplaying you're a family etc. And chasing-games too. I couldn't run fast and was very clumsy. I'd say my play preferences as a kid were androgynous but leaning girly.

Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?
- I often strayed from groups of other kids, and prefered being alone. Sometimes I'd sit in a bush somewhere with my own toys from at home, hiding indoors or just strolling around as far as I was allowed to walk. I have an introvert inclination, I'd say, but me avoiding other kids back then was mostly self-preservation. I've always bad some extrovertedness to me as well, but to a much lesser degree. Sometimes I wanted to be with other kids in smaller groups like just 2 of us or at most 3. I was often left out in bigger groups and was scared to speak up.

How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?
- Very quiet, very sensitive, highly imaginative and creative, wise, slow (as in I took my time with things, not mentally), curious, fearful, very careful, clumsy, misunderstood by many, etc.

How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?
- As far as I know I didn't experience dysphoria before puberty. I was however jealous of boys' bodies and how they were treated socially. I often felt very inadequate as a child, like I was never enough no matter how hard I tried anything. I was very angry at my bullies and the adults who never took the bullying seriously. I hated crying when others could see me, cause I thought that was a sign of "weakness" and got the idea that I had to suppress my emotions and be more stoic, which is perhaps more common for boys to think. But for me I think it was just because of the bullying, that taught me I had to "toughen up" to survive, basically, and not dysphoria for not wanting to be treated like a girl. I didn't like being treated like a girl, but I actually did like being a girl. Maybe I got that confused, somewhere along the line.

Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?
- Yeah, I was. In fact me dressing boyish was much more appreciated by my parents than me dressing girly. I liked the pink dresses much better than the blue sweatshirts and I wanted to grow my hair out long but my parents said it was impractical and unnecessary. Other girl kids thought it was weird that I had short hair and they didn't understand why my parents wouldn't let me grow it out. Well it got too tangled and my mother didn't want to deal with it. Otherwise I don't remember what anyone else thought of my presentation. I didn't see my other relatives often, but when they had any opinions about me or my sister, they usually went straight to our parents about it.

Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really inforced on you?
- In a sense, I'm starting to kinda suspect that my parents did, at least a little, actually force gender neutrality on me... oh, the irony! It just strikes me now that my mother still keeps telling me she wishes I wasn't so feminine, but I am a cis woman, so that's a bit weird to me. But knowing her, she's very masculine and doesn't like femininity, so it's possible she's projecting that on me. My father isn't visibly gnc but in some more or less hidden aspects he is. My parents never followed typical gender roles in our family, like dad earned more money but cooked the food, and mom did most of the child-raising but fixed the leaky pipes, etc. And I think they're kinda against gender-conformity, and have tried to stray me and my sister away from that. I think they missed the point: that it should be an option, not forced.

Did having siblings play a part in the types of toys you had access to or the games you played?
- Yes, me and my sister almost always wanted each other's toys or the same kind of toys, growing up. We fought about that sometimes but mostly we shared and borrowed one another's toys without a fuss. Our parents tried to persuade us to try being a bit different at some point but we both refused to. We even wanted to dress the same, have the same hairstyles, etc. We're not twins, she's two years younger than me. And we grew apart more when we got closer to teen years. Now we have very different styles and interests.

And an extra question I'd like for you to answer:
If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would that be?

- I would have told someone, about the abuse. Anyone, but maybe preferably a teacher at the school I went to, or someone else outside of my family. Notice how I wouldn't choose to change the abuse itself happening? I think I really needed that experience to know who I am. So I wouldn't change that, but I would ease some of the pain that followed, if that was possible.

This actually helped me understand myself a bit better, like seeing some pieces of my childhood connect themselves with my present self. In terms of why I transitioned and then detransitioned, I mean :)
I started my journey to transition back in 2009, was on testosterone for 6 years in total, had top surgery in 2014. Non-op lower surgery, I'm happy with what I've got down there. Started connecting to be being female during 2018. Have since been on and off about embracing myself as a woman, but have no wish to destransition my appearance. My dysphoria was mostly caused by trauma. Some of it still remains stubborn, and I do not regret my transition. I struggle socially, and with self-acceptance, but I love my body.

I'm dating PurpleWolf <3

Offline Alice V

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #25 on: August 20, 2018, 06:24:53 pm »
It's a bit hard for me to answer this questions one by one so I just mix first 7 questions.

First, I've traveled from town to town few times, so there was more than just 2 groups. But since I wasn't interested in making contacts with boy groups and girl groups just didn't accept me because I was boy I mostly was alone. Most of my childhood experience was in my first town, so I'll tell about it.

I've played with both groups. With girls it was funny and easy. With boys it was routine and matter of surviving, I didn't like it. There was one bully in my district. Do boyish things, don't question his authority - and maybe he'll leave you after playing. Try to distant yourself from him - you're becoming an enemy and must be beaten. So football and some other games I dunno how to translate. But I had my barbie :D And playing with girls relaxed me.
At this stage of my life I just felt something wrong, but didn't knew why. I didn't like my body, my name, boy's company, but never express that I wish to be girl, so others thought I was a bit weird but didn't care much. I'm also introvert, and it didn't helped me build connections :) So mostly I felt I didn't fit any group

And a little about other groupes. I was lonely until ~13 when I've met my best friend (which was kinda bully at this age lol). He later bring me to virtual worlds of computer games and internet and I decided to leave reality :) since then I didn't care much about that groups. But I had a small and warm community at one forum (don't exist anymore :( ) mostly consisted girls.
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How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?
I was quiet until 12 years. After that I've became quiet and explosive, bottled up all my rage to unleash it in single moment without being able to control it.
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How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?
I didn't thought about this much, just played what I want when it was ok and what I must when it was neccessary. Guess I grow up gender neutrally, just felt something wrong.
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Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?
I didn't trust any of them. So nope, I've rarely spoke with anybody about my problems except something like "I watched Critters and woke up from nightmare in cold sweat and was too scared to think about trust". Didn't have such urges anyway. I just make imagined friend for a short time which was clone of me but opposite gender. Perhaps it was just game, perhaps - some kind of expression... Dunno, I was damn kid.
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Did having siblings play a part in the types of toys you had access to or the games you played?
I'm single child.
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And an extra question I'd like for you to answer:
If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would that be?
I don't know. Maybe, place or family where I grown up? :D Is that an option? If not, perhaps I'd like father be around. I was so alone, and mother usually just punished me for mistakes so I just feared her until later my fear converted to uncontrolled anger.
The emperor must strike without hesitations. To entertain doubts is to dance with death.(c)Izaro

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Offline DawnOday

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #26 on: August 20, 2018, 09:25:56 pm »
I was searching my high school webpage and come across someone I have not seen in over 58 years. Denise used to be my best friend playmate in elementary school. Truth be told her brother also got my mother pregnant. The baby was stillborn. It's the only time I saw my parents fight. But Dad being the good guy he was, let it pass after a few weeks.
Dawn Oday

It just feels right   :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss:



What a trip it's been. I have been blessed in so many ways. I love my sisters, and happier than ever.



Offline DustKitten

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #27 on: August 21, 2018, 03:22:27 am »
I played with both up until 6th grade. Around that time there was a sort of boy-girl split, and I stopped feeling welcome in female circles. I don't recall having any female friends again until 9th grade, so there's a 3-4 year gap where I only had male friends, and I had more male friends than female for several years afterwards. Now I'm back to having mostly female friends again :) which feels nice.

Offline Hermit Turtle

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #28 on: August 26, 2018, 11:19:18 pm »

Did you play with girls or boys as a kid? Or with both? Or mostly with girls/boys?

I'd say neither but boys mostly. my physical stature never allowed me to blend in with girls.

Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?

Definitely, got worse over the years,

Were you accepted in either group?

Had a few friends but in general didn't fit with either wider group.

Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?

As a kid i didn't really think about fitting in, just followed my instinct and got into whatever was interesting and acted the way i felt like acting. that however led to isolation and depression and definitely feelings of not fitting in during my teenage years.

Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?

Cant say i was ever part of either group.

Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy'  ;D?

I was mostly into creative toys, my family only gave me boy-oriented toys but that didnt stop my imagination from doing whatever it wanted. As for group games i never had any interest in typical sports or ball games but i do remember enjoying the few times i was allowed to play with the girls.

Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?

Definitely, hard to tell which came first, the chicken or the egg. But that is how it ended up.

How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?

High-energy and inquisitive.

How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?

Used to imitate female characters from tv shows and cartoon/anime and get interested by girl-oriented shows and topics, weirded people out but at the time i didnt really care or notice that my actions were leaving a bad impact.

Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?

"Christian Family" should be pretty self-explanatory, was never allowed to in the presence of my family but both my parents worked full time and my grandmother who raised me allowed me to do most things aside from crossdressing(which i was caught doing then scolded and ridiculed by my family.)

Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really inforced on you?


Gender was definitely enforced on me.

Did having siblings play a part in the types of toys you had access to or the games you played?

Single child.

If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would that be?

As much as i hate it and cringe, its part of who i am, therefore wouldn't change it.

Offline Sam1066

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #29 on: August 28, 2018, 01:56:07 am »
Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?
I was bullied from a very young age mostly for having two visible sensory disabilities, and for being an unusually small male bodied person with unusually vulnerable emotions. Some times for "acting like a girl".

Were you accepted in either group?
When I was very young, 4-6, I was accepted only by the girls in my classes. Once grade-school hit the gender separation was in full force so I pretty much kept to myself. I made some male friends who were also outcasts. I was loosely accepted by "the computer geeks n nerd guys" in high-school, though outside of school hours most of my friends were girls (that trend has stayed to this day).

Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?
Very very very much so. I couldn't care less about "boy stuff" as a kid, and wasn't allowed to try "girl stuff", so I ended up on my own.

Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?
With boys I was uncomfortable with the competition, comparison, etc. I also had a hard time with the lack of emotional communication. With the girls I had a hard time with the lack of ambition in their play, later in life I had a hard time accepting that they wanted to fall into the societal mold of what women should be (Suzie home maker types).

Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy'  ;D?
In my heart I'm a tomboy, and think I always was. Before the gradeschool "gender split" which was more strictly enforced by adults in my case, I liked to play girl games, though I was afraid of being made fun of for it, and I was at times. I always had a hard time caring about sports, didn't care about trucks n guns n hunting etc. Fortunately I'm also very cerebral in general which is generally accepted as "nerd culture" on both sides, so that became a comfortable place for me.

Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?
From what my parents have told me about myself before my earliest memories, I was a definite extrovert! Then bullying reversed that right quick. From conversations with my therapist I'm still an extrovert deep down, but with a lot of anxieties that now stand in the way achieving that dream. I was a definite loner as a kid though.

How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?
Quiet, sensitive, observant, emotionally volatile, thoughtful, intensely curious.

How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?
I never had any clue "being a girl" would be an option on the table as a child, though I did have a very strong wish to have been born as a girl "because this would all be so much easier" I would tell myself. Because I knew that different = pain and suffering, I suppressed anything to do with femininity so as to protect myself, including not even thinking about it in case they could read my mind and somehow find out that I had thought about it.

Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?
I was up until age 6. A teacher in pre-school told me I was no longer allowed to play with the girls, I'll never forget that teachers name (in ire). After that, must of the adults in my life enforced strict "boys play with boys and do boy things, girls play with girls and do girl things" rules, and I didn't have the inkling to challenge this.

Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really enforced on you?
The one place I got away with being more girly was at family functions, oddly enough. It just so happened that the cousins my own age were all female, and my only sibling was too. So I got to hang out with them and was very very happy to do so, I still miss those days. I did have male cousins but their interests never interested me, part of that was probably due to the age gap, but perhaps not all of it.

Did having siblings play a part in the types of toys you had access to or the games you played?
I had a female sister, I never browsed her closet or anything because that would feel.... like a violation of her privacy. Female partners on the other hand, yes. Mostly I chose things that were very intellectual and therefore neutral, because the really boyish stuff didn't interest me and I didn't let myself thing about feminine stuff. I also so happen to like being a giant nerd so that worked out.
Sam?

Offline Kymmie Lorain

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #30 on: September 04, 2018, 11:53:35 pm »
Once I moved towards the end of 4th grade until 9th grade I was bullied. It was for what I was different from the others. Possibly perceived as slightly feminine. Not one of the guys.

I had few friends most where 3-5 years younger. both girls and boys.

In school I was a motorhead and didn't fit in with any group. People knew me by my car not me.

It seemed like I played with normal boy toys, Cars. Typical games no.

I was a shy quite kid. just wanted to be left alone.

 Oh, Yeah I was a loaner for the most part.

I did display feminine traits.

If I could change anything. I would came out as female long time ago.


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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #31 on: September 05, 2018, 12:56:10 am »
What an odd set of questions!

I was born in the early 1950s, so childhood was a thing of the 1950s and early 1960s.  Many here may not relate to this era at all.

I preferred to associate and play with girls.  When that wasn’t possible, I preferred to be by myself, engaged in solitary activities such as model building or reading.  When forced to associate with boys, the interactions were poor.  I was bullied, and abused in a variety of ways.  (This being the 1960s it was not talked about, considered impossible, etc.)

I tended to be quite solitary.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2018, 11:12:53 am by Michelle_P »

Offline Tara P

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #32 on: September 05, 2018, 04:52:18 am »
Thanks for making this thread.  :)  It's always interesting hearing about other people's experiences.

Did you play with girls or boys as a kid? Or with both? Or mostly with girls/boys?
I played with both when I was younger but never had a ton of friends.  I mostly played with a girl who lived in the same neighborhood and a boy who lived there too.

Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?
I was bullied a little bit.  Not really for gender expression at that point.  More for just being generally strange and not doing typical boy stuff.  I've always been pretty tall and I think that did help me not get bullied as much.

Were you accepted in either group?
With boys not really other than a few random friends over the years.  When I was younger girls seemed pretty accepting, but at a certain point everyone seems to realize we are no longer "supposed" to be friends with people of the opposite gender.

Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?
I never really fit in anywhere.  About the closest to fitting in was just hanging out with some other outcasts, but we were all outcasts for different reasons.  I always liked the goth kids even though I wasn't one.  They at least could wear cool (or bad) makeup without caring what people thought, something I still can't do publicly!

Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?
Boys made me uncomfortable because basically none of their social behavior made any sense to me.  Lacking any real display of emotions, being mean as a form of bonding, constantly worrying about being tough or one-upping each other.  I was more comfortable with girls for sure but past a certain age it was just hard to find many of them to hang out with.

Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy'  ;D?
A lot of my play was just creating weird projects or art and imagining things.  As far as toys mostly boys stuff particularly action figures.  I did play with my sister's barbies and stuff a little bit too but even some of that was secretive because my parents made it clear that wasn't something I was supposed to do.  I was really into videogames from a young age too.

Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?
Definitely a loner.  I'm introverted by character but also was forced to be more introverted and isolated than I would have liked, which is still true if I'm being honest.  I just never really felt like anyone understood me and found social cliches puzzling in their homogeneity.

How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?
Quiet and sensitive.  I would have some occasional "outbursts" where I would just question the reason for things out loud, which I was already doing in my head all the time.  I learned asking real probing questions was very much frowned upon though.

How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?
I never wanted to emulate behavior, especially stereotypical boy behavior, but I felt sort of forced into making an attempt at it.  I was never any good at most of that stuff though so in the end I think I just shut down and disconnected more than anything.

Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?
I only got "caught" a couple times but it was very clear to me this wasn't acceptable behavior, so I became really good at hiding it in private.  We had a bunch of old stuff in storage too that no one ever checked so it was really easy to just hide stuff in there.

Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really inforced on you?
It was pretty strongly enforced especially past a certain age probably 8-10 years old.  Before that it seemed more acceptable to just be more carefree and creative, and even play with *GASP* girls.

Did having siblings play a part in the types of toys you had access to or the games you played? (Btw there is a thread about siblings in general already:
I had an older sister so I was able to play with some of her stuff although beyond a very young age I mostly hid that too.  Barbies of course, but she also had paper dolls where you could mix and match fashions.  I remember she had some shopping board game that was basically femme-opoly too.

And an extra question I'd like for you to answer:
If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would that be?

Part of me thinks it's part of who I am so I shouldn't change it.  The other part of me really wishes I had figured out some of this stuff MUCH sooner.  I blame myself for some of that but I also know our society doesn't give most young people to knowledge or information to properly address this stuff.  Our sex ed classes barely even explained anything about straight cis-gender sex, let alone any other sexual orientations, let alone different gender expressions.

Offline lexisbestismelliz

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #33 on: November 27, 2021, 03:13:58 am »
I was forced to wear girls dresses sneakers and make up including lipstick as a little boy my sister and her best friend played dress up on me.


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Offline mako9802

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #34 on: November 28, 2021, 04:35:41 pm »
Boys….my parents weren’t gonna buy me any of that stuff even if I wanted it back then.  I was a gamer.  Luckily for me I was a gamer which was and still is gender neutral. 

Offline Victoria L

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #35 on: November 29, 2021, 05:41:17 pm »
I played with a mixture. I had an older sister, so I played with her toys in addition to the boys' toys that were given to me. However, a little later in my childhood, I did get a dollhouse that was a log cabin, it was a "dollhouse for boys", but I was fully into the whole dollhouse thing and wanted all of the little figures that went with it and was jealous of my sister's prettier dollhouses.

I played with some stereotypical boys things like the miniature car figures. But I never got into super heroes and action figures and stuff like that.

Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?
I was. I was bullied straight through high school. In middle school and high school I experienced being labeled gay a lot and didn't understand why. I had some awareness of me being a girl by elementary school, but didn't know what it meant and hid it entirely. In fact, middle school was my era of trying hard to be one of the guys. It didn't work.

Were you accepted in either group?
I really wasn't. I hung out with mixed groups of kids. Throughout my whole life I've had trouble fitting in in guys groups. About the only thing we could relate on was video games. lol

Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?
Yes, and I still don't fit in. =(

Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?

I don't know. Later on I became uncomfortable in guys' groups with the way they talked about women.

Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy'  ;D?
Um... As I said above, I played with miniature cars, which was a boys' thing. But I also liked playing with My Little Pony's and dolls/dollhouses. I liked playing role-playing with my sister a lot. I also played video games, getting mostly into what other girls were into (The Sims and Animal Crossing), and not what guys were into. (aside from Pokemon and the like, but its appeal is understood as wider now)

Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?
Getting really psychological here, aren't we?  :laugh: I am an introvert, kinda an ambivert. I like a lot of time to myself. When I was a kid, I don't remember. I know in high school I kept to myself a lot, outside of band.

How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?
Very sensitive. Very easy to pick on.

How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?
I don't know. I just know that when in a situation where boys and girls were separated I wanted to be with the girls.

Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?
I mean my parents let me play with girls' toys, but once I got into my teens and came out as trans, it was not accepted.

Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really inforced on you?
I was raised clearly as a boy.

Did having siblings play a part in the types of toys you had access to or the games you played?
Yes. I had access to My Little Pony's and dolls because of my sister.

If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would that be?
I would have liked for the concept of transgender to have been much easier to learn as a child. I didn't learn it until I was 14. If I had been able to articulate these feelings a lot sooner, maybe I would have been taken seriously by family, I don't know. I just know I hate how I knew before puberty, but still had to go through male puberty because I didn't have any acceptance.



Offline ronniekylie90

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #36 on: December 04, 2021, 10:22:03 am »
Did you play with girls or boys as a kid? Or with both? Or mostly with girls/boys?
I mostly played with girls myself, I'd say, 95% girls and 5%with boys


Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?
I was quite very feminine, so I wouldn't say I was bullied per se, but I was quite obvious.

Were you accepted in either group?
I was more accepted in the girls group

Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?

Yes

Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?
Always felt more at ease with the girls, It always felt very natural to be around other girls.


Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy'  ;D?
Total fem, I'd get my dad to buy me barbies, and other dolly toys that were clearly targeted for girls. He did indulge me to be honest.


Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?
No, I became more of a loner in my teens

How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?
Sensitive but also outgoing at times

How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?
This is a good question, I don't think I was emulating behaviours from other children, or girls. but I always felt very much like one

Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?
Yes, and no. My dad would let me indulge more, buy me girl-y toys and things. like my first roller skaters were white and pink. My mum, not as much, and wanted my dad to be stricter on regards, but I did love wearing my mum's clothes and make up and shoes. even if she wasn't too approving.

Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really inforced on you?
/

Offline Stevie Stevens

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #37 on: January 03, 2022, 09:58:21 am »
Well, I was quiet and sensitive. I hung out with my older sisters and did things like cooking and baking with my mom, aunts and female cousins in the neighborhood. In school, my friends were the girls and my fellow sissies. I was slight in build and bad at sports. But I could sew! Of course I was bullied and called a sissy and a faggot. Really gravitated to my sissy friends for close friendship. Funny thing was we sissies gave the boys who bullied us in high school BJs. And yet they did not stop bullying us.

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Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #38 on: January 03, 2022, 05:56:50 pm »
Mixed.  I had friends that were boys and friends that were girls.

I did tea parties with my sisters and their friends and played with baby dolls and Barbie, and I shot BB guns and played with matchbox cars with boys my age.  I loved toy airplanes of all sorts and would play by myself happily with them for hours.  Whether it was my plastic Cessna 172, or my Cox PT-19 Line plane.  I climbed trees, played jump rope, 4 square, hop scotch, fished, played softball, and organized football.  I never played organized baseball. 

Me playing football was important (at first) to my father, and I desperately wanted his approval (still haven't ever received that), so I did my best to be the best player I could.  I eventually liked being a part of the team, and being accepted as one of the guys.  I wasn't particularly athletic, a fact which was only made worse by my (then undiagnosed) intersex condition which caused me not to start puberty until an Endocrinologist treated it when I was 18.  So, picture an athletically ungifted, closeted transgirl ahtlete without the benefit of male puberty trying to play football with mature 17-18 year old boys and you have some idea what a challenge it was to impress my father.  I was physically like a 11 year old boy, playing high-school football in a futile attempt to win my father's approval.  I never did impress him, not positively anyway, even to this day.

I did impress my team mates, who respected me for the persistent effort.  If they ever let up, ever "didn't bring it", I would beat them.  But, when they tried, they could generally beat me.  I used good form, was focused, as tough as anyone and I was aggressive, but small, a step too slow and under powered. 

One of my classmates (who was generally a jerk) started teasing me one day asking if I was really a girl and laughing at me for being less mature.  But, some of the best athletes on the team came to my defense telling him that if he was half as tough and tried half as hard as me he might be something.  When he was teasing me, I felt very "convicted". I felt guilty as charged, and I was ashamed.  I wondered whether he was just being his typical jerk self, or this time he was asking a legitimate question.

But, my classmates generally liked and respected me.  I wasn't one of the "outcast" class members, though I got along well with them too.  I passed as a "normal boy" relatively well, given my physical limitations. Girls liked me.  They just didn't have any romantic interest in me. I was like everyone's little brother, being both physically and emotionally immature.

Starting HRT at 18 was a difficult time for me.  I knew I wanted to be a girl, but there I was taking male hormones. My parents insisted.  I couldn't come out to them.  If I had, I wouldn't have been allowed to transition.  I probably would have been given ECT like a classmate of mine who came out gay.  And, I told myself that male puberty would cure my desire to be a girl.  I hoped it would.  I would finally be able to be the son my dad wanted.  It didn't do those things.  It did all the things that male puberty normally does physically, but it didn't change me inside other than to make me more depressed and more dissatisfied with my body.

So, I wasn't the typical sissy, but I wasn't the typical boy either.  Just a progressively more and more withdrawn and lonely mixed up kid, burdened with shame and depression.

Offline Kaleig_hC

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Re: Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
« Reply #39 on: August 12, 2022, 04:29:36 pm »
A thread I always wanted to make:
Did you play with girls or boys as a kid? Or with both? Or mostly with girls/boys?
I tried to play with boys but it did not work very well
Quote
General ideas:

Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?
I was bullied by boys especially because I was not into girls like they were.
Quote
Were you accepted in either group?
I was hardly ever accepted by boys since they bullied me. I think would have been accepted by girls but fear kept me from trying.
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Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?
I certainly was a misfit. I never did feel I fit in anywhere.
Quote
Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?
I was not uncomfortable around boys just bullied. I was uncomfortable around girls. I saw boys pester girls and they eventually have enough and snap back. I treat girls like they had the ability to beat me with a stick and would draw up and shake if they came into my personal space
Quote
Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy'  ;D?
I play with my toys but when I played with my sisters I tried to roleplay more since that is the way girls play. Me and my youngest sister would play together with my action figures and her Barbie dolls.
Quote
Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?
Loneliness and seclusion were the themes of my childhood. May have had 3 friends the entire time.
Quote
How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?
Quiet but always getting in trouble too until at least middle school.
Quote
How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?
I think I used a video game addiction to shut down my dysphoria. I was able to suppress it for a number of years.
Quote
Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?
I suppress it with aforementioned video game addiction. It started to show itself once I got in college. My parents tried to stop from expressing it then.
Quote
Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really inforced on you?
My father tried to gender police me though unsuccessfully. Once I saw it bothered him, I used it to get back at him for abusing me growing up.
Quote
Did having siblings play a part in the types of toys you had access to or the games you played? (Btw there is a thread about siblings in general already: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,231263.msg2056553.html#msg2056553)

And an extra question I'd like for you to answer:
If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would that be?

I don't think I would have got to transition. I do wish I was not so afraid of girls. I had a group of children that tried their best to befriend me but I was too afraid of them. I would have been less isolated and made more friends and  dealt with less depression. If I had developed better social skills as a child, I been better set up to succeed in life instead of being supported by my parents in my mid 40s.

« Last Edit: August 12, 2022, 07:00:35 pm by Rakel »

Tags: Childhood