Author Topic: White Rabbit's ramblings  (Read 21214 times)

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Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #480 on: October 15, 2021, 07:14:50 pm »
I saw my therapist again today. We started with gender issues but quickly moved to my fear of relationships. I think she is reading more into it than is needed. If I love someone why would I subject them to my issues. I think that is fairly simple plus I've been single for 30 years I am too old to try again after that long.
Julie

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #481 on: October 15, 2021, 07:32:29 pm »
I saw my therapist again today. We started with gender issues but quickly moved to my fear of relationships. I think she is reading more into it than is needed. If I love someone why would I subject them to my issues. I think that is fairly simple plus I've been single for 30 years I am too old to try again after that long.
Julie:
I am so very glad that you have met again with your therapist....   the next time you meet with them make certain that you explain your feelings to them that you described here in your posting...
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #482 on: October 16, 2021, 09:16:15 am »
I already have :) It was at the end of the session though so I think it will be brought back up my next session.
Julie

Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #483 on: October 26, 2021, 08:48:23 pm »
Ugh I was feeling better for a while but right now I am having issues listening to people talk.
Julie

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #484 on: October 26, 2021, 09:51:09 pm »
Ugh I was feeling better for a while but right now I am having issues listening to people talk.
@Julie H
Dear Julie:
I am very sorry to read of your present difficulties...
... do you think that it is related to your meds?

Hopefully you have an appointment with your therapist soon so this can be discussed.

How is your kitty cat?   Are you two getting along OK?
HUGS,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #485 on: October 26, 2021, 10:17:03 pm »
I doubt its my meds, could be money issues but I get paid on Friday. I was feeling not too bad for a while but tonight noise just puts me on edge. It happens from time to time.
Julie

Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #486 on: October 27, 2021, 11:10:03 am »
So last night I thought I came up with an epiphany but I think I was wrong. I was thinking that I was born with the wrong genitals but the right gender. I then thought about how I feel uncomfortable in "male" area's as I don't belong there. I feel more comfortable with women then I do men.

I don't know if it is cowardice or laziness or some of both but if I transition it will only be to get grs. I'm tired, I don't have the strength to fight any more.
Julie

Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #487 on: October 27, 2021, 11:13:26 am »
My cat is being a little monster right now, he is sure making typing difficult, he's fighting to press random keys on the keyboard even when I hold it up.
Julie

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #488 on: November 04, 2021, 04:54:53 pm »
@Julie H
Dear Julie:

After a full week of not seeing any new updates on your thread or no new posts
elsewhere around the Forums I am concerned for you.

I hope and trust that you are OK, staying healthy and staying safe.

Hopefully your cat is being a good companion to you.

HUGS, and wishing you well.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #489 on: November 04, 2021, 06:12:51 pm »
I am doing ok. I have a lump on my leg that I've had for years but it might be getting bigger I'll have to check with my doctor when I see her next.
Julie

Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #490 on: November 04, 2021, 07:43:45 pm »
Now that my kitten is asleep I can type a bit more. I see my therapist next friday we might even talk about trans issues.
Julie

Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #491 on: November 07, 2021, 11:24:21 am »
My kitten's teeth must be getting less sharp he still bites my arms a lot but the marks are slowly going away. He's still a little monster when he wants to play though he is going for my face less which is nice.
Julie

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #492 on: November 07, 2021, 07:55:20 pm »
My kitten's teeth must be getting less sharp he still bites my arms a lot but the marks are slowly going away. He's still a little monster when he wants to play though he is going for my face less which is nice.
@Julie H
Dear Julie:
I am so glad to read your happy report about your Kitten.
As time goes on and your kitty spends more time with you he will
figure out what you like and what you don't like.

It sounds like you finally have a furry and nice companion.

I am looking forward to reading your report about your upcoming therapist appointment.
HUGS,
Danielle

***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #493 on: November 12, 2021, 01:03:32 pm »
So I had my therapist appointment today. She referred to me as trans femme. Also she is going to bat for me to see if she can find if rules have changed or if she can find an advocacy group to help me get approved for grs. The issue that I have is that I would have huge regrets doing the RLE but if there is a loophole as I do already dress in female clothing and seem to pass (until I talk anyways) as a pregnant woman.
Julie

Pammie

Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #494 on: November 12, 2021, 01:14:30 pm »
So I had my therapist appointment today. She referred to me as trans femme. Also she is going to bat for me to see if she can find if rules have changed or if she can find an advocacy group to help me get approved for grs. The issue that I have is that I would have huge regrets doing the RLE but if there is a loophole as I do already dress in female clothing and seem to pass (until I talk anyways) as a pregnant woman.
I think the real life experience bit is super critical and if you always dress in female clothing then aren’t you doing that anyway?
Im not a big fan of people looking for loopholes because it’s a stick to beat the trans community with.


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Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #495 on: November 12, 2021, 01:49:08 pm »
I think the real life experience bit is super critical and if you always dress in female clothing then aren’t you doing that anyway?

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That would be the loophole I present as myself not necessarily as a woman.
Julie

Pammie

Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #496 on: November 12, 2021, 02:00:35 pm »
That would be the loophole I present as myself not necessarily as a woman.
Im confused - you always wear women’s clothing so how are you presenting if not in role?


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Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #497 on: November 12, 2021, 02:52:06 pm »
The Clothing I wear can be perceived as male clothing and sometimes my shirts are male shirts but I try not to go out too often with those. People who knew me as male still know me as male I don't advertise that I am a trans woman. My friends I have no intention of telling them that I am trans as I don't want to loose the last form of entertainment that I have. I wear a purse but just say it's a pouch if someone asks mostly people don't ask.

I am still very confused about my gender identity for it seemed to have changed. Before I started hrt I new I was a trans woman getting ready to go full time and loose friends then I started hrt and became more non binary (the closest term I can find atm). I still wish that I had been born a girl but even with grs I would still live as me. The only thing I know is that a lack of a vagina will likely be a big cause of my death maybe not the biggest cause but up there.

If I were to live full time as I suspect I must for grs that is what I would truly regret. If I were to let all my friends and family know I don't know who I would loose and to return living as me it would be even harder for people to understand.
Julie

Offline Julie H

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Re: White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #498 on: November 12, 2021, 03:20:43 pm »
I wish that I was born a girl but I am not a binary woman even though I am trans. I use a shortened version of my name now, Pat as that is a gender neutral version of my name my drivers licence is marked with the gender neutral x. I sometimes travel to lgbt unfriendly countries so I left my passport as male.

I still use the mens washroom because it would cause issues otherwise. If someone calls me ma'am I don't say anything unless they were talking to me. I love skirts but would never wear one in public but a kilt maybe if they ever came in size fat.
Julie

Pammie

White Rabbit's ramblings
« Reply #499 on: November 12, 2021, 03:27:47 pm »
The Clothing I wear can be perceived as male clothing and sometimes my shirts are male shirts but I try not to go out too often with those. People who knew me as male still know me as male I don't advertise that I am a trans woman. My friends I have no intention of telling them that I am trans as I don't want to loose the last form of entertainment that I have. I wear a purse but just say it's a pouch if someone asks mostly people don't ask.

I am still very confused about my gender identity for it seemed to have changed. Before I started hrt I new I was a trans woman getting ready to go full time and loose friends then I started hrt and became more non binary (the closest term I can find atm). I still wish that I had been born a girl but even with grs I would still live as me. The only thing I know is that a lack of a vagina will likely be a big cause of my death maybe not the biggest cause but up there.

If I were to live full time as I suspect I must for grs that is what I would truly regret. If I were to let all my friends and family know I don't know who I would loose and to return living as me it would be even harder for people to understand.
I think the key is ur still very confused about your gender identity so I think it’s pretty much impossible to live in a role when you don’t know what that role is. On that basis maybe you should focus on resolving that first (before GCS)?


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« Last Edit: November 12, 2021, 04:49:51 pm by Pammie »

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