Author Topic: The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?  (Read 637 times)

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Offline Idontknowbutiwould

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The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?
« on: April 09, 2020, 10:21:33 pm »
As you know if you have read my previous post, I am in a period of sadness for waiting to have surgery in this crisis and the loss of my phone, which I cannot restore the information for the closed stores in my country.

Speaking to some of you, I have received valuable advice and experiences. Now more than ever I value the help of my family and having started young but I wonder ... Will I have to carry this all my life? If someone described me as an ordinary girl, I could say a cute girl with a relatively affluent financial situation for my age and very persevering in her projects. That's positive, but what about the trans stigma? My appearance is feminine, I have the documents changed, a breast augmentation, soon I hope to make the big step (reassignment) and possibly the FFS to harmonize some details. But then? Will I feel dysphoria anyway? I plan to start some courses when the confinement ends, surely I will make new friends, will I have to explain my origin? There was also a great guy who I plan to regain contact with when this is over. When it comes to having partners, will it still affect me even if I have surgery? I plan to be a teacher, do I shut up too? I'm afraid someone will discover me. My family is Catholic, my grandmother's dream is to see me married, can I do it someday? (My birth certificate is changed). Someday I want to have children, will adoption or surrogacy not conflict with myself? Because unless science takes a big step ... And will that life I build continue to have members who judge me by my past? What about my little cousins? They are like my nephews and they think that I am a normal girl, will their parents tell them in time?

How long will stigma haunt me? And even if I run away from the stigma, will it reach me again? I just want to be a normal woman, I already am but I have had problems with people in my life and especially with my fears ... After finishing my transition completely and starting my adult life, what? Does the spell have drawbacks?
18 years old.

2008: Put a wig on primary school
2014: Coming out to my family
2016: Puberty blockers
2017: Real life experience
2018: Breast augmentation with paternal consent
2019: Identity document changed
2020: Getting my SRS and FFS? I hope

Offline Sinclair

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Re: The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2020, 11:02:17 pm »
Hi Sweetie, those are all great questions. Until the Covid19 crisis is over none of us are going to be moving much forward, just sitting in place a bit. Best wishes, be patient.  :icon_chick:

Offline Idontknowbutiwould

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Re: The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2020, 11:22:57 pm »
I also promise that I will tell you about my experience with the SRS and the FFS, I plan that it will be in the summer if the situation calms down (I also plan to have the money between this month and next). I will tell my experience and post operative, costs and photos by private. This would have helped me a lot in my search so I will share it with whoever asks for it. Then I will delete my account in Susans at the end of a life cycle and start another in search of happiness. But in the meantime, your help in my posts will help me a lot in my doubts
18 years old.

2008: Put a wig on primary school
2014: Coming out to my family
2016: Puberty blockers
2017: Real life experience
2018: Breast augmentation with paternal consent
2019: Identity document changed
2020: Getting my SRS and FFS? I hope

Offline zirconia

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Re: The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2020, 01:18:04 am »
Hi...

There's no need to carry the stigma.

Surgery is the cure for transsexuality. Once you're done with it leave the past behind. Leave the diagnosis behind. Leave all labels behind.

I'm not yet complete, so I won't speak of myself. Although I can see the goal ahead.

Rather... I think Lisa_K and you were in touch. She's one of the very few here who's accomplished what you need. Speak with her. She knows it's possible to live a normal life. Complete. With no thought of the hurt that used to be.

Offline Idontknowbutiwould

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Re: The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2020, 01:29:39 am »
Hi...

There's no need to carry the stigma.

Surgery is the cure for transsexuality. Once you're done with it leave the past behind. Leave the diagnosis behind. Leave all labels behind.

I'm not yet complete, so I won't speak of myself. Although I can see the goal ahead.

Rather... I think Lisa_K and you were in touch. She's one of the very few here who's accomplished what you need. Speak with her. She knows.

It's possible to live a normal life. Complete. With no thought of the hurt that used to be.

Yes, I am talking to her but lately she is very busy but soon we will have more conversations on these topics. You're right, after the cure the damage will go away
18 years old.

2008: Put a wig on primary school
2014: Coming out to my family
2016: Puberty blockers
2017: Real life experience
2018: Breast augmentation with paternal consent
2019: Identity document changed
2020: Getting my SRS and FFS? I hope

Offline zirconia

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Re: The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2020, 01:41:09 am »
Good... ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

Find you way... Don't get lost.
Accept directions only from someone who knows where you need to go.

Offline Paul Muad-Dib

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Re: The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2020, 05:30:23 am »
A lot of this is down to how you process it yourself.

If I wanted to torment myself with the biological definitions of sex and of myself not fully meeting them or meeting them inadequately (which I'm fully on board with since I was trained in biological science) I could always find ways of feeling bad. If I wanted to base my entire sense of (self)worth on how other people perceive me, I would never want for a reason to beat myself up.

The truth is some people will accept you and some people won't. Nothing we can do about that other than accept it and move on. Get busy living, etc.

The important thing is that you find a good place mentally and do not rely on others' approval for your right to exist.


Offline AllieSF

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Re: The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?
« Reply #7 on: April 10, 2020, 12:38:53 pm »
Paul says a great deal in few words.  I believe that when you learn to love yourself with all your faults (physical, mental and personality) you will be better able to accept yourself.  You can be and do you.

I disagree that surgery will cure all your pain, frustrations and identity issues.  If you get a surgery and are not satisfied with the results, you will be even more distraught and upset if you don't accept and love who you are.  There is no doubt that surgeries in general will help us look more like we want to.  But they cannot do everything.  They help others see us as we see ourselves.  If you work on the inside part of you, you mind, the other work on the outside, surgeries, will give much better results.

As someone else said, be patient.  Good luck,

Allie
HRT - February 2017
Full Time - July 2018
Orchi - January 2018
BA - September 25, 2019
FFS - January 10, 2020
GRS - TBDDD (To Be Determined, Decision and Date)

Offline Idontknowbutiwould

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Re: The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?
« Reply #8 on: April 10, 2020, 08:45:05 pm »
Paul says a great deal in few words.  I believe that when you learn to love yourself with all your faults (physical, mental and personality) you will be better able to accept yourself.  You can be and do you.

I disagree that surgery will cure all your pain, frustrations and identity issues.  If you get a surgery and are not satisfied with the results, you will be even more distraught and upset if you don't accept and love who you are.  There is no doubt that surgeries in general will help us look more like we want to.  But they cannot do everything.  They help others see us as we see ourselves.  If you work on the inside part of you, you mind, the other work on the outside, surgeries, will give much better results.

As someone else said, be patient.  Good luck,

Allie

Believe me, I love myself. I like everything about myself, I just hate my genitals and two features of my face. And that causes a lot of sadness in me, which I hope to solve soon. I am simply afraid to leave my past behind and that my past will haunt me after solving what I don't like about myself
18 years old.

2008: Put a wig on primary school
2014: Coming out to my family
2016: Puberty blockers
2017: Real life experience
2018: Breast augmentation with paternal consent
2019: Identity document changed
2020: Getting my SRS and FFS? I hope

Offline Paul Muad-Dib

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Re: The stigma of being trans, does dysphoria last a lifetime?
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2020, 09:44:30 am »
Well your past will always be your past. If you try too hard to bury it or forget it with yourself, you'll just elevate it in your mind to something more than it deserves to be. It will always be there; in my view it's easier to accept if you just accept that you are not a perfect being and you never will be - just like everyone else. But you can work on things that will help you feel better. You can either sever all contact and try a complete reset for you life or you can see what happens if you do it gradually. You can do both if the latter goes wrong. I decided to see if people would accept it and on the whole it seems that they do. Mainly because for my whole life I've always done what was "true" to myself even if it was horribly uncomfortable, alienating or lonely. Because to try and be something that wasn't would be so exhausting I wouldn't be able to keep doing it for long anyway. 

Does it feel like pushing off from shore and sailing out into a deep lake where you can't go back to the jetty? Well it can do if you feel like there something safe and secure about your past you're holding on to. The whole thing is uncharted waters. I think most of us do it not because we overcome the desire for firm ground but because we know the ship has to sail, because that's what it was made to do.