Topic: The typical transsexual life

[angelats]

Is there a typical transsexual life or lifestyle? How a transsexual should behave or should be? A role model?

For example:

First to come out of the closet.
Then to transition.
Finally to live happy stealth or openly transsexual after srs?
Are those steps correct and complete?

Is this the life a transsexual has to strive for? What is with other ways to handle this? Are there alternatives?

[Ellie_Arroway]

I don't think there's a typical transgender lifestyle at all. There is a typical narrative, and that doesn't seem to apply to all that many people here... We all seem to have different life experiences, as indeed is the case with cisgender people.

[Rakel]

I agree with Ellie.

Everyone has their own individual needs. We transition at our own pace and we do what we feel at any time to be the most important thing to do.

By the way, I feel that you left out a few other steps. Denial, Depression and Disbelief are also in the mix. The single most important step is to accept yourself. Once you accept yourself, all the other steps just seem to fall into place.

As for completeness, life is never complete. There is always something more to do, like living the rest of your  life as you wish. This is priceless.

[zirconia]

Hi, angelats

I don't think there's a typical transsexual lifestyle.

As for a typical transsexual life... it's probably nothing one would strive for, because it's pretty much automatic:

Realize when tiny that something's WRONG
Realize in puberty that what's wrong is getting MUCH WORSE
Realize the situation's ABSOLUTELY UNTENABLE
Realize one's choices are transition or death.

Transition
Start new life as a woman

or...

Don't transition

I hope this helps

（╹◡╹）♡

[CynthiaAnn]

It's been well said above me, and while there is commonality in the medical treatments for <not allowed>.

There is nothing typical about being transsexual 

Everyone's journey is unique.

C

[Megan.]

As for a typical transsexual life... it's probably nothing one would strive for, because it's pretty much automatic:

Realize when tiny that something's WRONG
Realize in puberty that what's wrong is getting MUCH WORSE
Realize the situation's ABSOLUTELY UNTENABLE
Realize one's choices are transition or death.

Transition
Start new life as a woman

or...

Don't transition

I don't think this is typical either, as it goes against a very large majority of the experiences I've seen shared here, and my own.

There are commonalities across many, but also as much variation.

My answer is no. There is no typical trans person, no typical life, and no typical identity; and none of these are better, worse or more worthy than any other. We are all wonderfully unique from the day we are conceived, and that is a great and beautiful thing.

Sent from my MI 9 using Tapatalk

[Danielle Kristina]

I think it’s entirely individual.  One person’s pathway isn’t necessarily another’s.  We are all different, have different circumstances, and different goals.  That said, while it is tempting to use someone as a means of gauging ones own transition, this, I find, only drives me nuts.  I have to continue reminding myself that I’m not in competition with other transitioning transgender people nor is my transition invalid or wrong because it “isn’t going fast enough.”  Each of our journeys are individual and personal and thus there is no “one size fits all.”

[Devlyn]

My path was:

1. Realize something about me was different (mid thirties)
2. Come out
3. Socially and hormonally transition
4. Seek a medical provider to take over the administration of HRT
5. Surgery

Typical? Absolutely not, 12 years on this site has taught me that there is no "typical".

[Erika_]

I had a path similar to the stereotype,

1. Knew that I was supposed to be a girl from my earliest memory.
2. Experimented with clothing and makeup.
3. Leaned transition was possible at ten years old.
4. Tried and failed to get hormones for thirteen years.
5. finally got hormones at 23.
6. Regretting not starting sooner.
7. Pretty much stealth and waiting for surgery.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Danielle Kristina:
Dear Danielle:
I am so very happy to see that you are posting once again on the Forums since you returned...
....Welcome back into the fold.
I will be eagerly looking for your future postings around the forums.
HUGS 
Danielle

I think it’s entirely individual.  One person’s pathway isn’t necessarily another’s.  We are all different, have different circumstances, and different goals.  That said, while it is tempting to use someone as a means of gauging ones own transition, this, I find, only drives me nuts.  I have to continue reminding myself that I’m not in competition with other transitioning transgender people nor is my transition invalid or wrong because it “isn’t going fast enough.”  Each of our journeys are individual and personal and thus there is no “one size fits all.”

[Kate.claire]

I have to continue reminding myself that I’m not in competition with other transitioning transgender people nor is my transition invalid or wrong because it “isn’t going fast enough.”  Each of our journeys are individual and personal and thus there is no “one size fits all.”

Thanks for this Danielle! Speaks a lot to the daily struggles that replaced the old ones: this voice telling that you aren't succeeding because you are not measuring up to other people and their "better" results.  Of course, logically, you can know that it isn't correct, but doesn't always keep the thought from emotionally tormenting you anyways.  At some point, I pulled away from a lot of the virtual community, because those comparison issues just weren't healthy for me, and I was weaker than I though, it terms of giving in to them.

Thanks for the reminder that I'm not alone in those feelings.

-Kate

[Confused1]

I will agree with Ellie and several here. There doesn't seem to be a typical transgender lifestyle. And yet I have found there are similarities as well. Not very long ago I didn't realize the similarities. Many times we each have thought we were alone in what we thought.

Zirconia mentioned puberty and it got worse. I definitely relate. And yet my choice right now might not be transition or death. At the same time I would not want a long life without the surgery I need.

The path is yours and you get to choose it.

[Danielle Kristina]

Thanks for this Danielle! Speaks a lot to the daily struggles that replaced the old ones: this voice telling that you aren't succeeding because you are not measuring up to other people and their "better" results.  Of course, logically, you can know that it isn't correct, but doesn't always keep the thought from emotionally tormenting you anyways.  At some point, I pulled away from a lot of the virtual community, because those comparison issues just weren't healthy for me, and I was weaker than I though, it terms of giving in to them.

Thanks for the reminder that I'm not alone in those feelings.

-Kate

You’re very welcome!  I understand.  I really do because I share those same struggles.  Sometimes I get so caught up in my emotions even while logically I know I’m only tormenting myself and can quit at any time.  Other times I get struck with real depression and quitting that is not so easy or always self-chosen.  Still, I tend to be my own worst enemy.

Danielle

[Danielle Kristina]

@Danielle Kristina:
Dear Danielle:
I am so very happy to see that you are posting once again on the Forums since you returned...
....Welcome back into the fold.
I will be eagerly looking for your future postings around the forums.
HUGS 
Danielle

Thank you so much!  It really is great to be back. 

Danielle

[MeTony]

Is there a typical transsexual life or lifestyle? How a transsexual should behave or should be? A role model?

For example:

First to come out of the closet.
Then to transition.
Finally to live happy stealth or openly transsexual after srs?
Are those steps correct and complete?

Is this the life a transsexual has to strive for? What is with other ways to handle this? Are there alternatives?

We are all different. There is no typical way of life.
There are vast differances in appearence and mannerism at both ends at the spectrum and all in between.

I am openly transsexual. It is impossible to hide it från people I’ve known for 20+ years.

How to live your life? As yourself. Do what is right for YOU.


Tony

[Rachel]

Hi,

I have been in community with a lot of trans. Some are binary and some are non-binary. Sone transition early some later and some later still. Some are married and some have children. Some are/have  jobs/religions/families/parents/spouses that are supportive, some no so supportive and some that are bigots.

I think the trans narrative is summed up with we struggle to be ourselves, fit in and be recognized how we want to be perceived.

I am post op and living my life. I do know for me I never think about suicide any more. Sometimes there is a passing thought but it floats by, never stays and never is there a physical effect.

Rachel

[ShotGal]

Is there a typical transsexual life or lifestyle? How a transsexual should behave or should be? A role model?

For example:

First to come out of the closet.
Then to transition.
Finally to live happy stealth or openly transsexual after srs?
Are those steps correct and complete?

Is this the life a transsexual has to strive for? What is with other ways to handle this? Are there alternatives?

"Typical" is a word like "normal" - it's different for everyone.  There are some similarities but it's always a unique road determined by the individual.  I might suggest that it's an evolution versus a set of steps.

I can say for myself (transcended far down the road beyond TSity) my life is far from typical - (specifically compared to other former transsexuals) - I'm sure of that.  Each of us have our own paths in life.  Others can probably say something unique for their own situations.

As far as "striving for" something?  Not sure what this means but it's living life, with goals that may or may not be related to medical conditions or gender.  That's pretty much what everyone in the world does. 

[Karen_A]

I don't think there is a single typical life, but I think there may may several different categories  about which some generalization can be made, though not everyone would fall neatly into any one of them.

A lot depends on what one needs.wants and is able to achieve and what sacrifices (oneself and others) one is willing and able to make for oneself and what age one transitioned, one physicality, over all situation etc etc.

I went full time in 1997 and this year I will be eligible for medicare...

ButI  have an unfortunate build, so even with years of HRT and FFS, stealth in this T* aware world was not in the cards for me...

But if it was I wonder if I would have made the same life decisions. With a smaller build would I have transitioned younger? It haunted me for years before I did it.

My marriage from before survived, but despite loving my spouse very much and she needing me, it not surviving likely would have been better for teh live i would rather have had.

In the same vein my employer accepted my transition and I stayed on that professional job fro 12 years after transitioning so in a situation where everyone always knew...

Socially (and perhaps longterm even professionally) might have been better for my transition to have lost the job?

How many leave loving marriages voluntarily for transition, or jobs where one's transition is accepted?

 Some do... but many (at least in the old days if not most) lost all the and and had to start over building new life... Lot's pain that way but also a lot more potential  growth as a woman I think.

Despite all I have and how much I love my spouse, sometimes I have to wonder, if I had been a bit more physically lucky what my life would have been like post transition if so much of my old live had not survived the change.

-Karen

[Asche]

Is there a typical transsexual life or lifestyle? How a transsexual should behave or should be? A role model?

For example:

First to come out of the closet.
Then to transition.
Finally to live happy stealth or openly transsexual after srs?
Are those steps correct and complete?

Is this the life a transsexual has to strive for? What is with other ways to handle this? Are there alternatives?

Nobody has to strive for any particular life.  In my own value system, the thing to strive for is to be truly yourself.  But then again, that's my value system.  YMMV, as they say.

If there are similarities in many people's path, I'd say that it's because we all suffer under society's Procrustean-bed  construct of gender.  We are brainwashed into it starting before we are born, and we spend our days being drenched with propaganda for the cis- and heteronormative way of life.  Some people take to it, others aren't wild about it but  find a way to live within it, but even those of us who can't live within it still have to come to terms with the cisnormativity that rules the world we live in.

Because people (cis or trans) are all different, and we all have different life experiences, the ways we find to live within this world that was made to not have a place for us will differ.

Some people feel the need to have FFS, some don't.
Some people need to do SRS, and some are happy with their bodies as they are.  Or maybe they'd like to change, but the cost and/or risks are more than they want to bear (or maybe can bear.)
Etc.

Even "transition" means different things to different people.  Some people go the whole route of a name change and birth certificate change.  But I know people who've been living as another gender but haven't bothered with either.  And for some people, simply knowing who they are is enough, they don't feel the need to go any further.

And then of course there are the folks trying to live a non-binary life, and since society doesn't provide rules and role models for the enby life, they are having to blaze their own trails.  (I'm non-binary myself, but live as a woman because it's just easier to fit in that way.)

Yes, you'll encounter people who want to tell you the One True Way To Be Trans(tm), but they're just trying to do what Procrustes did: chop stuff off of you and stretch other stuff to fit their OTW.  Best to just ignore them.