Author Topic: I am at the beginning  (Read 686 times)

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Offline Erin48183

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I am at the beginning
« on: September 19, 2020, 06:47:05 am »
Hello all, I used to crossdress when I was younger and even off and on since. I grew up with 3 sisters. In my head I have always wished I was the 4th sister. My Dad is old school conservative, so I tried to overcome and fight what was going on in my head. I became a good athlete and served 9 years in the Marines. My body became more masculine but in my head I have always been trapped. I married had a daughter, now divorced. I am at the point where I want to start looking at the options, not sure I want to transition all the way yet. How did everyone else start? I am scared, nervous, but looking forward to seeing what is possible. Thanks

Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2020, 07:04:10 am »
Welcome!

      Working with a good gender therapist would be a good start for clarifying your thoughts.


Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Nadine Spirit

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2020, 07:34:10 am »
I suppose that I actually started my transition by starting to see a WPATH certified therapist.  I got lucky there was one within about a 200 mile radius of my house, lol.  (Actually she moved about a year ago and now there are none anywhere within about a 3 hour drive from my house.  I still see her online though.)

Anywho...... I say that I supposed that was when my transition started as in many ways it began far longer before that.  I had been getting out and about as myself for about ten to fifteen years prior to that and had almost convinced myself I was "just" a CD.  But when I realized I needed to at least try HRT that was when things got serious and I knew I had to get a therapist. 

Good luck to you!

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2020, 10:56:26 am »
Hello all, I used to crossdress when I was younger and even off and on since. I grew up with 3 sisters. In my head I have always wished I was the 4th sister. My Dad is old school conservative, so I tried to overcome and fight what was going on in my head. I became a good athlete and served 9 years in the Marines. My body became more masculine but in my head I have always been trapped. I married had a daughter, now divorced. I am at the point where I want to start looking at the options, not sure I want to transition all the way yet. How did everyone else start? I am scared, nervous, but looking forward to seeing what is possible. Thanks

Erin-

The beautiful part is that there is a wide spectrum to gender identity, and it is not always a binary question.  Every person on this board has a different idea of what "transition all the way" means, and that spectrum of options is incredibly inclusive.    At the beginning things are very emotional- excited and confused and happy and afraid all at once.  Talking with a qualified gender therapist is always a good first start to get your thoughts in order.

Everyone's story is different, but there are a lot of elements in common to everyone.  I've written a lot about my start on my blog thread (link below) that you might find helpful.  I've written about my discovery, my closeted phase, getting out and about, and currently coming out to those around me.

Good luck with your journey!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

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Offline Harley Quinn

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2020, 12:28:15 pm »
I did a walk-in with the psychiatrist at the VA hospital, voiced my thoughts to her, and got referred to the Endocrinologist after an hour long chat.  2 weeks after my walk-in with the psychiatrist, I saw the Endocrinologist and had a 20 minute chat before she stuck me with a needle full of Estradiol Valerate and wrote me prescriptions to pick up at the pharmacy.  It's been a fun ride.  Even got the fun bags to prove it.   :icon_doh:
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! >:-)

Offline Rakel

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2020, 07:43:25 pm »
My transition started when I fully accepted myself as I was. Then I  made a decision on how I wanted to live the rest of my life. I weighed the costs, both financial and personal against the benefits of transition.

Many of us start with cross dressing and I know a few people that are just fine with this. They do not need to do anything more. Others have a need deep inside their mind that some permanent changes need to be made.

Nobody can do this for you. You must make your own decision. If you are not totally sure you need to do this, then I suggest counselling before doing anything else. Hormones are powerful medicine and not fully reversible.






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Offline Sophiaprincess2019

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2020, 08:19:35 pm »
Erin,

Welcome. If I may throw in my .02 cents! Personally I'd start with your Therapist then explore what "level" you want to pursue. Some transgender people simply understand they are not in the gender identity they prefer or want and nothing else is done, they simply live life knowing this and all is well. For others full medical/surgical transition is the only means that will ensure their survival (I happen to be in this group of people)

Some change their identity on all legal documents and dress as the opposite gender and no medical intervention is wanted. Take your time and get all the information you can before you start doing anything that isn't reversible.

Whatever you decide, please know there are several of us here who have walked miles down the same road you might embark and we are willing to share our insights and advice to help you become who you need to be.

Cheers and welcome.

Sophia
1968 Assigned male at birth with feminine mannerisms
1978 Dolls and dresses
1988 Experimental stage, limited makeup and clothes
1998 Denial continues, unsuccessfully tried living as a man
12-8-2018 Knew I was a woman, time for a change....
2-22-2019 Started HRT
8-9-2019 Legal Name Change
8-14-2019 New Drivers License issued with correct gender
9-5-2019 Social Security card updated
10-12-2019 Birth certificate updated
2-22-2020 One year HRT

Offline Erin48183

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2020, 04:31:40 am »
I Have done some searches and one doctors name keeps coming up in the area. She specializes in this but not sure if she is a therapist or and endo. I will call today and hope they can steer me in the right direction. Thanks for all the help.

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2020, 01:24:19 am »
Erin,
As a fellow vet, I would like to thank you for your service.  The VA is surprisingly welcoming of LGBT veterans.   Every clinic is required to have a LGBT Patient Care Coordinator.  If you are anywhere close to a VA this is a great place to start.  The three big things they offer to someone early in transition are therapy, voice training, and high quality breastforms (the ones I got were worth about $150 each).  They also will provide gaffs (I didn't like what they offered).  Later they will also provide and monitor hormone replacement therapy. 

To answer your question on where to start, I would recommend the nearest LGBT Patient Care Coordinator.

Take care,
Jane
 
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline noleen111

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #9 on: October 02, 2020, 07:33:53 am »
[
Hello all, I used to crossdress when I was younger and even off and on since. I grew up with 3 sisters. In my head I have always wished I was the 4th sister. My Dad is old school conservative, so I tried to overcome and fight what was going on in my head. I became a good athlete and served 9 years in the Marines. My body became more masculine but in my head I have always been trapped. I married had a daughter, now divorced. I am at the point where I want to start looking at the options, not sure I want to transition all the way yet. How did everyone else start? I am scared, nervous, but looking forward to seeing what is possible. Thanks

as said before, a gender therapist is the best place to start, remember full transition may not be the answer for you, but a therapist will help guide you.

I did a walk-in with the psychiatrist at the VA hospital, voiced my thoughts to her, and got referred to the Endocrinologist after an hour long chat.  2 weeks after my walk-in with the psychiatrist, I saw the Endocrinologist and had a 20 minute chat before she stuck me with a needle full of Estradiol Valerate and wrote me prescriptions to pick up at the pharmacy.  It's been a fun ride.  Even got the fun bags to prove it.   :icon_doh:

Wow, your journey to start was quick and I thought my journey to start was quick. MIne was roughly 3 months from psychiatrist to first estrogen injection.

I saw the psychiatrist for a while, then I was referred to a Endocrinologist, where I was put on T-blockers, then about 2 weeks later, I went back and got my first estrogen injection.

My body reacted very quickly to the hormones, as on day 3 I awoke to sensitive nipples and noticed they had started swelling, by end of week 1 my nipples had a very female look to them, by end of month 1, I had roughly A Cup breasts, then after that things slowed down a lot...

It one hell of a ride, I even had some morning sickness, the day after my first injection, injections 2 and 3, a felt a little sick.. but by injection 4, was ok..  The doctor told me, that could be a side affect for some girls. but basically your body reacting to the sudden increase in estrogen.
Enjoying ride the hormones are giving me... finally becoming the woman I always knew I was

Offline WishnHopeN

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #10 on: October 06, 2020, 12:26:15 pm »
How did I start?  For me there were many stops and starts along the way.  I transitioned over about 25 years.  I would suggest starting hair removal asap because even if you don’t transition you get to be a smooth male.  People often think it’s a switch that once you turn on there’s no going back and that’s not true.  There are some facial surgeries you can get to be closer to looking feminine but still live as a male.  For me, breast implants was when I lost “boy mode” and it was a welcome loss.

I went to trans positive therapists and even then it was another ten years of back and forth.  I became friends with other transfolk and only kept friends who were supportive.

Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #11 on: October 06, 2020, 01:42:58 pm »
I did a walk-in with the psychiatrist at the VA hospital, voiced my thoughts to her, and got referred to the Endocrinologist after an hour long chat.  2 weeks after my walk-in with the psychiatrist, I saw the Endocrinologist and had a 20 minute chat before she stuck me with a needle full of Estradiol Valerate and wrote me prescriptions to pick up at the pharmacy.

Obviously, you are happy, so it worked out. 

I went to a specialist in gender issues and at the end of the hour she told me I had Gender Identity Disorder, and that I would probably never feel truly happy unless I transitioned.  She offered to refer me to an endocrinologist.  I thought that was a little hasty, so I sought a second opinion. 

I spent a couple of months talking to the second psychologist, and at some point he said essentially the same thing.  I tried to explain that I wasn't a "transsexual" (his word) because although I wanted to be a woman and always had, I didn't want to transition (basically because of internalized trans-phobia).  I didn't call it internalized trans-phobia, but that is what I was describing as why I didn't want to transition. 

Anyway, he pulled the DSM off the shelf and turned to Gender Identity Disorder and asked, isn't this what you are describing to me.  Almost verbatum it was.  He said, yeah...you are a transwoman.  Whether you transition or not, that is what you are.  The question is, are you happy right now?  If not, do you ever want to be happy?

So, I felt better about his longer evaluation, but I sought a third opinion.  Needless to say, the result was much the same as the first psychologist.  Oh, well.  I still think more than a couple of hours of talking is a good idea before you start hormones, but I am happy for you that it worked out well.

Perhaps I am overly cautious. 

Offline Alice

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #12 on: October 06, 2020, 05:27:02 pm »
I am at the point where I want to start looking at the options, not sure I want to transition all the way yet. How did everyone else start? I am scared, nervous, but looking forward to seeing what is possible. Thanks

I started about the same place as you, except I was sure I did not want to transition. I first posted here in February 2006 and has been a long journey since then.

I would suggest you take it one step at a time, do not look to far forward while you try and gain knowledge and experience about this journey.

Alice

Offline Rachel

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Re: I am at the beginning
« Reply #13 on: October 11, 2020, 10:11:20 pm »
I think it is natural to have fear. I was afraid too.

It has been a long and wild ride for me; however, I am so glad I made the journey.

I knew I wanted to fully transition but was denying it to myself. At a point In time I made the decision. Not out of fear but out of knowing it was who I am.

I hope you can be who you are, to what extent you feel is right for you.

Rachel
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